#i never pictured myself not living past 27 but I definitely never considered what I had to do to make myself be a functional adult

[granbu11]

My life is falling apart again but because I cannot understand how to function as an adult

[potteresque-ire]

hello, ily metas! thank you for taking the time for them. i hope you dont mind an ask with two follow up questions to your metas i'm curious about: 1) has mxtx rly been sentenced? i have seen others also share this news but other fans have quickly dismissed and gotten pissed at these reports for being fake news that are bad for mxtx, and as fearmongering. 2) for those who want to support yizhan but not the ccp, do you have advice how to navigate fan support and interaction with their media?

Hello! I apologise for the late reply!  You’ve brought up some interesting points, so please forgive me for responding with an essay.

First, about MXTX — This is a follow-up to this post.

Unfortunately, this is all we got—all everyone has got about MXTX’s current situation: on 2020/11/10, she was sentenced in Hangzhou Shang Cheng District’s People’s Court (杭州市上城區人民法院). No details were given on her verdict, due to “人民法院認為不宜在互聯網公布的其它情形”  (“The People’s Court decided it inappropriate to announce further details on the internet”). Here’s a link with the screenshot that showed all the information released about the case that day.

There are enough copies of similar screenshots to this one online, with the differences dependent on where the publisher pulled the information from the same website: 中國裁判文書網, an online archive of verdicts run by China Supreme People’s Court. There’re few reasons, therefore, to believe the information on the screenshot was fake. The link I used was Sina’s Financial News, which I believe is trustworthy enough for China’s standard.

It is also important to note, of course, that two scenarios may still render this screenshot irrelevant. 1) The verdict, which was not mentioned in the screenshot, was “not guilty” and 2) the name listed in the case, 袁依楣, was not MXTX at all.

Few have seemed to suspect 2) to be a possibility. Her real name might have been prior knowledge among some fans, or the combination of her surname and city of residence. 1) has been the where the concern / debate is.

I included China’s rate of conviction in the original post for this reason: acquittal is exceedingly rare (<0.1%) for the arrested in China. This short article discussed some reasons.

So, is it possible that MXTX is now a free woman? Yes. Is it likely? Not at all.

Still, since the probability that MXTX is imprisoned isn’t 100%, is spreading this news smearing her name? Fear-mongering?

I can only answer for myself, Anon, but my answer is no for both questions, which is why I’ve felt comfortable posting about her case. MXTX’s alleged “crimes” are things we already knew she did, or common practices among Chinese IP writers. We know she penned MDZS and other BL works; we know MDZS, in particular, has an 18+ element. She was said to have sold merch based on her works, but that wasn’t unusual at all for writers in Jinjiang, where she published her writing. Even those who don’t like her have seemed to agree that it was her writing that got her into trouble, not some other crimes she could’ve committed.

IMO, a guilty verdict doesn’t tell us as much about her as it does about the judicial system, the business practices of her country. It’s worth re-mentioning that media giants such as Tencent are closely tied to the government; Tencent’s WeChat, for example, is part of China’s Great Firewall and is used for surveillance, for censorship and removal of political dissidents. What MXTX’s case hints at is this: the government has (very likely) convicted her, while its close allies are continuing to use her works—works that got her into legal trouble in the first place—to make money. Some fans of MXTX have questioned if the courts have censored the details of the case to save the embarrassment of the rich and powerful, calling what has happened to MXTX 人血饅頭 (“human blood steamed buns”), an idiom used to describe the act of profiting out of someone elses’ life.

As for fear-mongering, here are my thoughts ~ it would’ve been fear-mongering if the public has access to the facts, and not years after they happen. Specifically, it would’ve been fear-mongering to leak the rumours of MXTX’s sentencing, when the judicial system is transparent and the case details will soon be published for all to see. Why? Because “fear” comes from the unknown, and “-monger” is the unnecessary promotion, stirring-up of this fear.

To promote, stir up anything, one needs a reference level. The reference level in this scenario is this: what is the level of fear if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? Of course, this knowledge doesn’t make MXTX’s experience any easier or more just; it doesn’t cause her less fear. However, she isn’t the target audience of this likely-to-be-true rumour. The target audience is the public and in particular, those who consume and/or generate BL material online.

What is the level of fear among this population if the facts about MXTX’s (and other BL writers’) situation are known? It’s the (relative) comfort in knowing the government’s stance on what they do: how the administration feels about BL, 18+ BL, and their distribution methods. The comfort comes from having the right information to decide how to act accordingly. For example, if I’m a BL writer based in China and I know the court has found MXTX guilty of bypassing publishing houses but not of writing M/M romance, then I’ll know to not produce paper versions of my writing, but I can keep writing.

This reference level of fear is unavailable here, however, since the government has decided to withhold all details about the case. Without this reference level, fear-mongering becomes a ... difficult to define concept.

Are these likely-to-be-true rumours agents of fear, or are they hints on how to survive in a country that lacks transparency?

Continuing with the example of I being a Chinese BL writer, since I cannot expect to hear more facts about MXTX, this rumour is all I’ve got in choosing what to do with my hobby, in deciding whether it is safe to continue. As I’m aware that a rumour isn’t a fact, I first research on the rumour’s likelihood of truth (similar to what I’ve done for MXTX’s case), and cross my fingers that I don’t get it wrong.

By doing so, I’m turning these rumours into my survival guide.

Is it risky? Yes. Is it exhausting? Absolutely. But this is the way of life for people who live under secretive, authoritarian governments—the authoritarian element making it impossible to demand more facts. It may take people outside such regimes some time to get used to—to the lifestyle, and to the idea that, in a place where news is often synonymous with propaganda, rumours are breadcrumbs of truth that should be sieved through with equal care as one would sieve through the news. Heeding, considering the probable truth of what the authority has deemed to be fear-mongering rumours can be a matter of literal life and death. 

Take...COVID. (I apologize for bringing up this unpleasant topic!)

I shall link to an article about the early spread of COVID in Wuhan here and ask: were Dr. Li Wenliang and the seven other doctors fear-mongering? Wuhanese chose to believe in the government, but at what cost to them? What would the world be like today if they took the early COVID rumours as true and masked up like Hong Kongers—Hong Kongers who weren’t any smarter or better, but had simply learned their painful lessons from the 2003 SARS epidemic? 

(Why hadn’t the Wuhanese learned? Because the government has long changed the narrative of SARS, taught their people that the illness originated in Hong Kong.) 

(How can one learn from past mistakes if one pretends those mistakes never existed?)

You must be wondering, Anon, why I’m talking about COVID when your next question is about YiZhan. The death of Dr Li Wenliang on February 7th, 2020, sparked a demand for freedom of speech rarely seen in internet-age China. Its fury, its ferocity forced the government to change its stance on Dr Li, again an unusual move. Since January 2020, Weibo had been censoring COVID news and opinion pieces that shedded a negative light to the central government; after the death of Dr Li, the censorship apparatus stepped up, making way for the propaganda machine to kick in later and change the narrative of the pandemic.

Here are some questions without definite answers, but may be food for thought for YiZhan fans:

1) While the Chinese government’s censorship apparatus (including Weibo) might have silenced the voices of dissent, of mourning on the surface, was it more likely to pacify, or fuel the anger of netizens, many of whom had lost loved ones, many of whom were still under quarantine?

2) Less than three weeks after the death of Dr Li, a group of fans demanded even *more* censorship from the government—the closing of an internet website that had been seen as a relatively free space to express oneself. How would these netizens react, even though they knew little about these fans or their idol?  

(It was, in the context of the massive silencing of COVID discussions in China, that I learned about the ban of AO3. There had been rumours that the government would censor more websites on 2020/03/01. When I read about AO3′s ban on 2/27, my thoughts were 1) Hmm. This came two days early. 2) AO3? Really?)

(I wouldn’t watch The Untamed or know who Gg was until several months later.)

Now, Anon, this is a good time to get to your CCP (Chinese Communist Party) question.

The very short answer is no. There’s no way to support YiZhan without, to a certain level, supporting the CCP. As mentioned above, the media companies are all part of China’s surveillance system. Weibo is where freedom of speech is curbed. Our two boys have been part of the propaganda machine; the BBC article linked above had a tiny picture of Gg on it, as he was a performer in the Hero in Harm’s Way (最美逆行者), a “real-life based” drama on COVID. DD just did a show glorying the Chinese police force (and here’s a video of the same force welding doors to lock in COVID-stricken residents).

Nonetheless, here’s my first advice: please do not beat yourself up for supporting YiZhan!

Gg and Dd are people who live within the system, inside the Great Firewall. They understand the world the way their government has taught them to—not only in school, but also in the news and media. Like most youths in every country, they’re patriotic—and to expect them to be otherwise, especially because of information they don’t have, is both unrealistic and unfair. Even if they do know about certain things impermissible within the Firewall, in China (as in many Communists countries), openly expressing / performing one’s proper political leanings (ie. loyalty towards CCP) is among the most important pre-requisites for any job. This has been especially true for c-ent in recent years .

They, like most of their countrymen, are doing what they have to do.

In this case, it comes to us, our decisions on how to interact with their works. How should we deal with them, their propaganda elements?

The answer, of course, varies from person to person. Personally, I’ve chosen the approaches of “immunisation” and “restriction”. By “immunisation”, I mean learning about as much historical and sociopolitical facts from non-CCP sponsored sources; this is understandably difficult for someone who doesn’t already have some familiarity with the culture and politics of the region, and/or cannot read the language. 

Restriction means limiting my consumption of media produced by China. I avoid shows (dramas, documentaries, variety etc) featuring topics that are likely to contain heavy propaganda, such as the military, the police, Hong Kong/Macao/Taiwan, and of course, anything pertaining to the CCP, from its rise to its governance of the country.

In general, I’m wary of all information presented about the post-monarchy years (post 1911), even though CCP wouldn’t begin its reign until after WWII (1949). Why so early? 1) Because CCP was formed in 1921 and so its glorification requires a change of narrative since then; 2) because the Nationalist Party (Kuomintang, KMT), which governed China between 1912 and 1949 (the so-called Republican Era 民國), would end up exiling to and setting up a new government in Taiwan.

How much propaganda should one expect in shows depicting the country post-1911? The current TV and webdrama directives (previously discussed in this post) offer some hints. Here are my translations of the relevant items:

D7) Dramas about the Republican era: Glorification of the Republican Era, the Beiyang Government, and Warlord Era requires strict control.

D10) Crime drama: crime drama is the focus of content auditing. The Ministry of Public Security (Pie note: in charge of law enforcement, ie, police) will be involved in the audit. The process of crime solving cannot be exposed; criminal psychology and motivations can however be depicted in detail. Undercover police cannot use drugs or kill, or damage the image of the police force. Criminals must be punished by law.

D12) Dramas featuring realistic topics: realistic topics must adhere to the correct world view, philosophy of life and moral values. They cannot place too strong an emphasis on social conflicts, must showcase the beautiful lives of the commoners. Regular folks should display larger-than-life sentiments and aspirations; they can pursue wealth, but must use proper means to do so; they cannot damage the public image of specific employment types, groups and social organisations. Do not preach negative or decadent world view, philosophy of life and moral values. Do not exaggerate, amplify social issues; do not over showcase, display the darker sides of society; do not preach affluence, avoid things that have no basis in real life.

D16) Dramas featuring the Revolution (Pie note: CCP’s coming to power): 2019 is the publicity period of the 70th Anniversary of the People’s Republic of China. Although the “Three Importances” (important revolution, important people, important events) are still encouraged, the  National Radio and Television Administration requires all departments, at all levels, to strengthen the control of content and the overall management of the industry, and focus on the auditing of content pertaining to the Sino-Japanese war and espionage dramas.

These directives (as those translated in the other post) are as vague as they are restrictive, and to err on the side of caution, production companies tend to “overachieve” to avoid going against headwinds at the censorship board. This means their products have a tendency to malign the Republican Era (D7). It means they will likely twist history in trying to depict the CCP as faultless heroes (D16). It means they'll probably present a utopian-like society and call it reality-based (D12), a society in which the good guys share the same values as the CCP and always win (D10).

Yes, my “restriction” means I skipped Hero in Harm’s Way. It means I’ve never listened to Gg’s version of 我和我的祖國 despite my absolute adoration of his voice. It means I just missed Dd’s performance in the law enforcement celebration event. It means I don’t plan on watching Being A Hero and Ace Troops.

So here’s where I’ve drawn the line, Anon, but it doesn’t mean that’s what anyone should do. Only you alone can decide where your own comfort zone is. I write these metas in the hopes that it can offer a … gateway for those who’d like to understand, with a more telescopic lens, Gg and Dd’s country—a country that holds a particularly strong hold over its citizens’ fate including, yes, their romantic fate. It’s not my wish to impose my opinions on anyone.

If I have other hopes… It’s this. Please, as long as it’s safe for you to talk, do not self-censor—especially about facts, especially on sites like Tumblr or Twitter that have long been banned by the Chinese government. I don’t mean one should go about and confront those who insist on a different version of reality. To undo opinions rooted in years of education, IMO, the process has to be voluntary, and the information is already at the fingertips of those who’re surfing these sites and wish to learn more. More importantly, open discussions of these topics may be risky for those who still have close ties to China, and keeping them safe should always be the top priority. 

What I mean is simply this ~ please do not feel obliged to agree with every perspective presented in YiZhan’s work just because you support the leads. Please do not feel you must remain silent about the CCP—its good, bad and ugly—just because your favourite stars happen to come from the country it’s ruling. And please remember: “Chinese”, as a term, has always included people who live outside CCP’s control, many of whom still fully embrace the culture, traditions and values of Historical China, a 5000-years long string of dynasties with shifting borders, ethnic makeup and customs. The Untamed is a mainland Chinese production, yes, but its genre, its manner of presenting certain traditions, wouldn’t have been developed, or flourished, without the diaspora. The CCP has only been the ruling party of one country, the People’s Republic of China, for 71 years, and as a party with foreign (soviet) roots and a record of destroying the pillar of the country’s tradition, Confucianism, it doesn’t own a monopolistic say on how every Chinese should think and act—no matter how much it insists it does—or how everyone should think and speak about China and its people.

It isn’t qualified.

[dayseternal-blog]

If you ever finish answering all of yours awaiting asks...

45 questions for you 👀

https://myaekingheart.tumblr.com/post/650107314353897472/fic-writer-ask-game

Lolllll BADLUCKBREBIS, you are so funny.

Inspiration and Reading Asks:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?

It looks like I started writing in 2017. I've been reflecting recently on how there are so many regularly active writers now compared to in 2017-2018. It was the tail-end of some of my fave writer's activity within fandom. Utsus was posting less and less. The Tumblr NaruHina fandom seemed to disappear, a whole community of writers left for other things (matchaball, nekomamoru, magmawrites, cherryjutsu, spyder-m, tenney-shoes, eliphya, among others). 2018 was a very quiet year, but! I avidly read katarinahime and bunnyhoodlum's works! In 2019, quirrrky restarted things with NaruHina Week!

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Recently I’m primarily a reader!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Because there's so many writers now!!!!!!!!

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do?

Yeah, let’s list them.  “A Special Friend” by agitosgirl inspired “Nightdreams.  “Medicine” by @grimmjowkurosakidrake​ inspired “White Lilies.  “Torch Song” by @mmmbuttery inspired “About You.”  The language in “Unless the World Were to End” by @bunny-hoodlum​ inspired the language in “That was the plan.”  “In Between Drinks” by @peppercornpress inspired “In Between Drinks NH.”

4. Link your three favorite fics right now.

“Operation: Bring Home Naruto” by Dragonwannabe - Rated T, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Complete. Hinata's been assigned the mission of getting Naruto back home safely after his last dangerous assignment. But can she handle the undercover identity as his girlfriend that she’d been given without revealing her true feelings for him?

“The Mission” by Lunawraythe - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. It wasn't that Hinata never expected to work with Naruto, just never on a mission quite like this.

“The Loving Type” by @peppercornpresses - Rated M, Canon-Divergent, Multi-chapter, Ongoing. A few years have passed since the Fourth Shinobi War, in which...Rookie Nine steadily advances in rank. Naruto gets engaged. Hinata leaves Konoha. And Kakashi schemes for days.

5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?

ahhh.  I do have quite a few pet peeves.  If the fic is Canon-Compliant or Canon-Divergent, I expect Naruto and Hinata to behave like Japanese people.  Say what you want, but the Naruto Universe is definitely Japanese in my book.  So that means no shoes in the house.  Nothing rattles me more than reading Hinata taking her sandals off before climbing into bed.  Like, what?  she was wearing her outdoor shoes indoors this whole time??

mmm... another pet peeve is when the writer describes Hinata in a kimono, but it sounds like an American Halloween costume, like the slutty version, instead of an actual kimono.

mmm... and the other big pet peeve I have is when it’s Hinata’s first time eating ramen because Naruto is showing her the wonders of ramen.  lol.  why.  how.  in what world would a Japanese person make it to their teenage years without ever eating ramen.

I have a bunch of other little pet peeves regarding Japanese culture in fanfics.  But in general, it doesn’t stop me from reading the fic if I'm already in the middle of it.  I’ll continue reading it and will probably recommend it to other people anyway. If I can tell based on the summary, then it's not for me, and I don't read it. If this makes anyone feel nervous about writing fanfiction, that's not my intention! I would also be happy to be a sensitivity reader if necessary.

6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction?

I primarily read fanfics on AO3 and ffnet.  I find new ones by constantly checking the Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto tag on AO3 or looking into a writer’s favorites list on ffnet.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics?

Short fics.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like?

I reblog pretty often. I don't comment as often as I used to😕 I used to comment on every fic I liked.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.

Uhh?? Idk. I think recently the writing group here is pretty tight, everyone seems to know everyone.

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?

Naruto fandom and NaruHina.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles?

I usually take it from words used in the story or from the prompt.

12. Tell the author your favorite fic title of theirs (not the fic, strictly title). Author: what’s your favorite title you’ve come up with and why?

I think...maybe "Tell Me of Forevers" or "Nightdreams." I like those because they aren't taken word-for-word directly from the story, but touch on a theme in the story.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic?

Yes, I outline. They wouldn't get a headache, I think. It's usually just a summary.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not?

Nope. I didn't know people do that.

15. Tell the author your favorite fic of theirs. What’s your (the author’s) favorite fic you’ve written?

My favorite fic continues to be "It's No Secret."

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching?

Yes, I do. I've done historical and folktale research for "Little Samurai." I did area/location research for "Last Chance." I did historical research for "About You." I did fairy tale research for "Catskin." I did a ton of astronomy research for "The Cowherd and the Weaver Girl." And I did lighting research for "Inspo." I go pretty deep.

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?

I don't. I usually have something else I need to do or I go to bed.

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?

I actually think I can finish all of mine if I just try.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)?

I always edit before posting to AO3. Anything I post directly on Tumblr might not be edited.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Posting!

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Starting a new chapter.

22. Do you take fic requests? If so, for what characters and why?

On occasion. If someone sends me a request, I'll think about writing it. Sometimes I do write and post it, sometimes I leave them in my drafts for a better day.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?

From what I already have posted, probably friends-to-lovers, secret relationship/forbidden love, or high school au. I don't think I have an intentional favorite.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?

Public humiliation / public degradation.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist.

No, not usually.

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing?

Tumblr feed, all the pictures to scroll through mindlessly.

27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random?

lol, whatever is fine.

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?

Well, pressure to update is not a big deal to me. I do this for fun, so I don't think I unnecessarily pressure myself too much. With negative comments, I don't get too many of those, and I think I do my best to avoid situations where I might get negative feedback.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it?

Yeah, I like the events. My favorite was NH2020, the year-long one last year. I also enjoyed the Secret Santa last year since @badluckbrebis was my giftee.

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

haha😈

Ecstasy slides through his veins, blooming over his mind, cocooning him in pleasant sensations, cum shooting out in eager twitches against hot, milking flesh.

31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

Naruto Uzumaki, always.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

Top 3 faves in order:

That was the plan: "She shifts in his arms, and cloth and cleavage come pillowing up to his face, and he’s certain that she’s scooped from the same puffy stuff his adolescent daydreams were made of."

Tell Me of Forevers: "What he wouldn’t do to inspire every blush, every smile of hers for an eternity when such moments already only speak “forever” to him."

White Lilies: "Whether at his feet, in his eyes, ears, mind, if not reaching his heart, she never landed anywhere. (It’s okay.)"

I consider "White Lilies" to have my technically best writing, so it was kind of hard to choose just one line from that fic! But I decided that one's my favorite line from the whole story.

33. What do you like writing better: one shots or multi-chapter stuff?

One-shots.

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?

A lot of my life experiences are in my writing. Hmm, I think readers probably think I'm...hmm...either empathetic or really perverted?

35. How much has writing fic changed your life?

I spend a lot less time on real-life social media than before.

36. Are there any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been part of?

I'm kind of embarrassed of "Honeymoon at the Hot Springs" lol. It's fine.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

My current WIP is that A/B/O fic I started for February Smut Month Prompts: Sweet as Candy or Love Bites. I'm going to title it "Sweet As," and it'll be about how Naruto and Hinata become Alpha/Omega mates. It's really kinky, really smutty, and totally what I would want to read.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?

uhh???? a 1?? I've never once thought of my writing process as chaotic. Ahh, then I think of bunnyhoodlum's multiple drafts for the same chapter, and I realize that there exist types of writing processes that I would not be able to handle...

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

My smut.

40. How did you come up with the idea for [x fic]?

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)?

Idk about Tumblr,,, maybe White Lilies got the most attention here. My most popular fic is Nightdreams on AO3.

42. Asker: pick three of the author’s works. Author: rank them 1 (the best) - 3 (the worst) based on whatever criteria you want - this could be something totally random that isn’t quality related (like simply ranking fics based on how many trains appear in them) - have fun!

43. Talk about a positive experience with fanfiction or the fanfiction community that you will always remember.

I will always remember how people congratulated me for finishing White Lilies😭 Also, when peppercornpresses made that FIRST art of my story, I just, I just stared at it all day.

44. Rant about something writing related.

hmmm, I don't feel like ranting about anything. I just recently ranted about my pet peeves above.

45. Fic specific questions - if you have any weird questions about specific works, here’s your shot to ask them!

I did them all! Nice questions.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Good morning/afternoon/evening/night, Ralph. (I think I covered all my time zone bases there). I have been thinking lot lately about all the rhetoric in the fandom about Harry’s health and well-being, and how loud it has felt this year. To be clear, I am not asking for you to weigh in with your own speculations about how Harry is doing, unless you feel comfortable doing so. (I’m not telling you what to do either way, obviously, seeing as I am only a little grey icon in your inbox and have no right or way to demand anything of you.) I’m more looking for guidance or even just your rambling thoughts about what is respectful and appropriate when we’re wondering about a celebrity’s well being, and how you handle your own thoughts and assumptions about this. I feel like over the course of the last year we’ve just been inundated with all this panic and speculation about how Harry is unhappy or unhealthy or otherwise not himself, going all the way back to the Jingle Bell Ball Golden performance. Every time we get any new content there’s a wave of people saying he looks too thin and overworked like he’s not getting enough food or rest, or overweight and out of shape (pick a lane, people), he looks stressed, he looks sad, he looks angry, his eyes have lost their sparkle, his smile is dim, he’s addicted to drugs, he’d addicted to drugs because Jeff is doping him up to keep him going, he’s going to quit music, he’s going to hurt himself, blah blah blah. And the people making these “observations” hide behind the assertion that they’re just worried for his health when they’re faced with any sort of criticism.

This whole ongoing rhetoric feels really…icky? I suppose? to me. I do kind of think he has looked more drawn and intense (“stressed” and “sad”) in the content we’ve gotten this year, but I also think (1) the content we’ve gotten has largely been pap shots and stunt stuff, (2) this year he had to postpone his tour, and we know he loves performing so that must have really sucked, and (3) this year has just been rather shit for all of us, we’re all stressed and sad and scared and frustrated by the larger political and social goings on, and by the ways our own lives are impacted. In the past, the content we’ve gotten where Harry looks the happiest and most at ease has been performance footage or him with his family and loved ones. We haven’t gotten any of that this year. It makes sense that the pictures we do get would feature him looking less than completely relaxed and jubilant. And then there are all the assumptions that he’s lost weight or gained weight and is therefore unhealthy or on drugs or drinking a lot and that just honestly pisses me off. You cannot tell jack shit about a person’s health from their weight, and especially not in random pictures taken at random intervals in random settings. To pretend you can is harmful, and Harry probably won’t see you making these assumptions about his mental and physical health based on the prominence of his cheekbones in a set of pap pics, but friends and strangers who are already struggling with their weight will. And the assertion that someone is dealing with an addiction of any kind (or, god forbid, and I hate even typing this, being subjected to drug use at the hands of someone with power over them) is an allegation that a) you can’t make from one picture and b) has really deep, life altering, tragic and painful and hard consequences for that person and all their loved ones, and deserves more respect and deference than to be treated as something you can just throw out into the great wild beyond and then forget about.

But beyond the fact that people are making hurtful and invasive allegations and assumptions about a real person’s private life based entirely on a very very limited and posed and edited set of content that was hand chosen to be given to us, I think the thing that bothers me the most is it feels like the people who are driving these conversations are doing so because they want something from Harry. It’s never (or rarely, I suppose) “man Harry looks tired in the pictures we’ve gotten lately, I really hope he’s taking care of himself, things have been so hard for us all.” It’s always “Harry has been so withdrawn and sad and angry he’s not communicative with fans and he’s not willing to engage with them when he sees them in public and I miss him. I miss my Harry. I miss happy Harry. I want him back. Give me Harry back.” Which tells me the concern isn’t Harry or Harry’s health, but rather the feeling that Harry owes us something that he hasn’t been giving, and now he must pay up or give us a valid excuse.

Then I do, occasionally though, find myself thinking “am I doing exactly what I’m complaining about? Am I assuming the worst of people based on a limited set of insights into their lives?” And in the wake of the Britney legal battle that has been unfolding recently, I sometimes wonder if maybe as fans we do have kind of a duty to call out celebrities when they seem to be struggling or acting incredibly out of character. Most of the time I follow this up immediately with the thought that I’m not responsible for anyone else’s health and safety, much less that of a 27 year old man I’ve never met and have no connection to beyond liking his music and his face, and I do truly believe that, but there is some part of me that feels uneasy just turning off all my concern, because I am a person who tends to be greatly concerned about everyone, who just wants everyone to be happy and healthy and safe and loved, and who wants to help people feel that way, where and when I can. So I guess what I’m asking, in the incredibly long winded and winding way I ask anyone anything (my poor husband, he gets a novel from me every time I ask what he thinks we should do for dinner) is do you have any of these same feelings and concerns? How do your navigate them? Where do you draw a line? Do you just withdraw completely from this type of speculation? How do you balance being a kind, engaged, empathetic fan with being a respectful, responsible fan who knows their limits? (And man, isn’t that the ultimate question?). Your blog is one I end up on whenever something big happens or a particular conversation pops up, because I’ve found that I really value the way you break things down and are willing to consider them from many perspectives, so I appreciate you even taking the time to read this.

Thanks for your interesting thoughts about Harry anon. I feel like there's a lot to respond to here and I'm going to start by answering the questions your questions - and then I'm going to get distracted and talk about a post I really hated.

I'm always a little bit worried about Harry, and all 1D members. He might be really struggling, that's always a possibility. Harry has lived a very intensely scheduled high workload life since he was 16. He might have had all sorts of responses to the fact that that schedule was removed, or anything else that is happening in his life. But I feel like I'm generally pretty boundaried about those concerns.

I think part of it is because my base line assumption is that boyband members are pretty fucked up. You don't need to know a lot about the history of touring musicians to know that. I think I've said before that if 1D members are eating every day and not doing needle drugs then they're doing better than we have any right to expect (and if they're not eating and are doing needle drugs, then those are coping mechanisms for intense stress and there's no shame in either of them).

I do think it helps with boundaries to be starting from a point that acknowledges how hard it is to be a popstar. I'm all about fantasies of omnipotence and in my day to day life I think I can fix all sorts of things, but I don't think I can make any difference to any 1D member's life.

In addition, I am profoundly affected by having been a fan throughout 2016. We know what it looks like when Louis was going through a horrendous, devastating, trauma - and it looks pretty normal.

None of this means I don't have opinions, or worries, but I am aware that my opinions or worries aren't facts. It's rare that I think that my worries should matter even to people reading my tumblr, let alone other fans in general, and certainly not Harry. You say 'am I doing the same thing as other people assuming the worst about people...', but I'd argue that that's actually not the problem. There's nothing wrong with assuming the worst of people. What is wrong is when fans think their assumptions about a celebrity should matter to anyone else. You don't have to turn off your concern to think that it's not a priority.

I definitely think it would be a very bad thing if people took the moral as the 'free Britney' movement as 'fans should call out celebrities when they think they're struggling'. That sort of surveillance isn't effective or useful. What has been useful for Britney is solidarity in a well documented power struggle, which is a very different thing.

And I can't emphasise enough how important the 'well documented' aspect of this is. What most fan worrying about Harry amounts to is: 'I don't like what he's doing, and there's no way he'd do things I didn't like and therefore there must be something wrong with him'. That's a really controlling way of thinking about people. I really think it's important not to reproduce that abusers logic.

I am pretty well insulated from that sort of discourse from a very well weeded dash. But I saw a post that was mostly about other fandom stuff, that treated assumptions like: "Harry must hate being with Olivia and he's suffering and it's clear he's not happy with his image and his team" as building blocks that you don't even have to argue for (this is the post - and I'm going to come back to one of the things someone said that was even worse in a second).

Lets stop for a minute and imagine that Harry hasn't got a problem pretending to date Olivia, and his main concerns are about the messiness of life and his career at this point in time. It is really fucked up and agressive, and pretty hateful towards Harry, to say 'oh he couldn't possibly want this. It's clear that he hates it.' etc. (I feel like I've been making this argument for years about people who object to Louis doing such things as smoking and not performing middle-class culture for them). When fans trash talk what Harry is doing at the moment, and suggest that believing he could be choosing what he's doing is some how an act of huge disrespect to him, there is every chance they are trash talking him and the choices he's making.

The final thing I want to draw attention to is how often this sort of fan storytelling is combined with a profound lack of interest in what 1D members are actually going through. The tags screen shotted and added on to the post I reblogged actually described Holivia as Douis 2.0. Apparently assuming that there was absolutely no connection between Douis, and Louis and his family's ultimately successful efforts to privacy as Jay was dying. What the fuck is wrong with people that they ignore that, and erase that? There's far more interest in making up 1D members suffering so that fans can continue to tell the stories they want to tell, than actual acknowledgement of what we know that they went through.

Sorry I got distracted. What I'm trying to say is that there's nothing wrong with having feelings about celebrities or telling stories about them. But it's so important to acknoweldge the limits of your knowledge and power, even when fandom discourse encourages the opposite.

[caws5749]

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

[huhnerhexen]

all for the other ask set!

I just took my painkillers, so I'm really high and I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm trying my best...

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

- yes, but they're not the most important thing. I can look past appearance, but if you're ugly on the inside it'll never work

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

- theyre worth it every time! Even if they fail, you learn a lot about yourself and they change you for the better

3. Are you a virgin?

- no

4. Are you in a relationship?

- no, my partner of about three years and I broke up a month ago

5. Are you in love?

- I'm in love with myself, which is more than I can say when I was in that relationship

6. Are you single this year?

- yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

- yes; I'm like a penguin... I mate for life

8. Describe your crush

- that's easy, I don't have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

- soft and sweet, generous, respectful of my boundaries, openly communicative, like my grandpa!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no

11. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

- in time and with an apology, of course

13. Do you get jealous easily?

- I used to, but I've done a lot of work since then and I don't anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

- other than myself? no

15. Do you have any piercings?

- I have a nose ring, my septum pierced, 3 earrings in my right ear, and two in my left

16. Do you have any tattoos?

- 11; a bumble bee, a cat drinking wine, my rat's footprint, my grandma's signature, a sloth, the pisces constellation, the aurora borealis constellation, squirrel nutkin, my grandpa's signature, Snufkin and Moomin, and a lavender sprig

17. Do you like kissing in public?

- a quick peck doesn't bother me, but keep your tongue in your own mouth

There is no 18 or 19 in this series of questions??

20. Do you shower everyday?

- I've been bathing more than showering lately, but I do wash everyday

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

- I don't, but that's none of my business anyways

22. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

- no, I don't think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

- obviously, I did that for 3 years. I don't cheat, it's wrong and it fucks people up

24. Do you think you'll be married in five years?

- maybe? I haven't given it much thought tbh

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

- no

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

- yes, and then they did

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

- no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

- not that I am aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

- no, I would never

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

- I've had plastic surgery twice; once in the ninth grade to fix me jaw, and two days ago I had top surgery

31. Have you ever cried over a guy or girl?

- yes, and what a waste of time that was

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

- no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

- yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

- no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

-yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

- yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

- yes

39. Have you ever waved someone you couldn't have?

- yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

- yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

- yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

- depends on the person, but awhile, I really like kissing

43. How long was your longest relationship?

- almost 3 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

- I've had 6 partners

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

- I can say with 100% certainty that I have no idea; I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

- I don't know, sex isn't something I count

47. How old are you?

- 21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

- I'd ask them why, people love to talk about their crushes, I'd also encourage them to go after it. Just because I like someone doesn't make them mine

49. If you have a partner, what is your favourite thing about them?

- I don't have a partner

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with am apology and presents, would you accept?

- no, not yet. I'm not at a place to forgive Kai yet. I'm still working through and breaking down what they did to me

51. Is there someone you would do absolutely anything for?

- yea, my grandma

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

- I gave up on my dad's dad, Lane; he's just a genuinely awful guy and every time I've tried to extend an olive branch it's come back to bite me in the ass. He can be angry and miserable alone, I don't have room for that shit in my life.

53. Is there someone mad because you're seeing/talking to the person that you are?

- no, the people in my life are incredibly supportive of me in all my endeavors and decisions

54. Is there something you will never forget?

- what a classmate and friend wrote to my mom once when she was compiling a big note full of all the reasons people care about me. "There's nothing they could ever do that would be bad". Those words have been etched onto my heart for 6 years

55. Share a relationship story

- I'll tell you about my grandparents, and how they were made for each other. My grandpa worked for CBC and so did my grandma, but they worked in separate buildings, and one night my grandma's friend says "Elaine, come out for drinks with me and some of the guys" and my grandma really doesn't want to, but she's a polite lady so she does anyways. She winds up sitting next to my grandpa, and they don't say much to each other but his friends keep bugging him and making jokes about how he needs to "get home to his wife" (he isn't married, but he fancies my grandma and his friends are just trying to make him work harder for her). They wind up leaving at the same time, and they walk home together because they lived a couple buildings away from one another. My grandpa assures my grandma that he isn't married, he tells her he's going home to Red Jacket, Saskatchewan for Christmas, but could he give her a call when he comes home? She says yes; and a year later they were married. They've been madly in love with each other ever since.

56. State 8 facts about your body.

- I have 8 less teeth than the average adult; my eyes are two different shapes; when I learned to walk it was with a slight limp so now I always have one; when my body is really low on estrogen I get incredibly clumsy; I have 2 holes in my jaw from where a surgical plate was removed; I'm deathly allergic to peanuts; my limbs are so long, my fingertips almost reach down to my knees; I have a small groove in my head from wearing headgear when I was a child.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

- you always went on and on about how I deserved better, and you're wrong. It's not that I deserved better, you just didn't deserve me.

I have so much pity for you, because you have to live the rest of your life knowing what Ostin did to your mom, you did much the same to me. You acted the same as the man who makes you so sick. You're disgusting for what you did, and I hope you regret it everyday of your life.

58. What are 5 ways to win your heart?

- listen openly to me, tell me things that happened to you during your day, sending me songs or poems or little trinkets that remind you of me, laugh at my jokes, vocalize your feelings about me

59. What do you look like?

This is me and my roommate's cat, Anaan!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

- two years, he was 15 I was 17 and as soon as I learned how smol he was I couldn't get past it...

61. What's the first thing you notice in someone?

- their mouth, I lip-read so someone's lips and teeth is the first thing my eyes go to

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do to/for you?

- oh gee I don't even know? Maybe take off my clothes for me, but like really slowly?

63. What is your definition of "having sex"?

- anything that gets the job done, y'know? wets the whistle

64. What is your definition of cheating?

- being physically intimate with a party outside of the pre-established exclusive relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

- tease me until I want to kill you, and then fuck me until I can't remember my own name

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

- I don't have one. I did improv in highschool and doing any sort of "acting on the spot" makes me astral project back to that cringey time

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

- one where it doesn't matter what you're doing, you never want it to end because you can never have enough time with the person you're with

68. What is your sexual orientation?

- queer!

69. What turns you off?

- people who are mean to animals

70. What turns you on?

- climate justice

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

- that will stay between me and the lord, thanks

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

- none, if you can form words or sentences, one of us isn't doing our job right

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

- bring me flowers! No one has ever brought me flowers before

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

- probably wardrobe

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

- my sister moved in with me to take care of me while I recover from my mastectomy. I didn't even have to ask, she offered to do it

76. What's the sweetest thing you've done for someone?

My roommate and I had mice and squirrels living in the basement of our old house, and they ate and destroyed all of her old baby books and photo albums; so this year for Christmas I took all the pictures I had of us, and a bunch of pictures she had posted on her social media, and I made her a new photo book to preserve the memories she made these last few years.

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

- the older you get, the less age difference really matters, my roommate is 41 and her partner is turning 61 this year. I think so long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, do what you want. That being said, it gets iffy if the older party knew the younger person when they were a child; ie. Leonardo DiCaprio and his most recent girlfriend.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

- I don't have one? I'm literally an open book... You can ask me anything

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

- when an 8 year old girl came into the shop and told me her grandpa was taking her shopping for her birthday.

80. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

- on Wednesday, when I was saying goodbye to my grandma at the hospital (that sounds like a downer, she's fine, she had a knee operation and I went to visit her after work)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

- LP, Ezra Miller, Joji, my ex boyfriend (they're mad cute, but they're ugly on the inside), Chris Fleming

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

- my mom, after she drove me home from the hospital and helped me get inside

83. Who was your first kiss with?

- a boy named Rhys, in the ninth grade. We were each other's beards before we even knew it

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

- a lot of different reasons; we kept fighting, they had no time for me, they wouldn't communicate with me, I had trouble trusting them, they sexually assaulted me and were hella manipulative, they forgot I existed a lot, there were a lot of red flags that we ignored until it blew up in our faces.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?

- sure, I don't see why not!

Thanks for asking! Sorry it took so long to answer, I had to stop and nap a few times in between questions...

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

[andstillwesleep]

Hi there~ I just found you and connected with your blog in an oddly good way so hey~ I'm double daring you to answer all the questions from the post! All of them!! From 1 to 47! (Hi~ my name's Ana)

othank you, Ana!! you’re so sweet

...

1.Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend?

I already have a boyfriend :)

2.When did your last hug take place?

bus stop 

3.Are you a jealous person?

yeah but I know how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t make me feel and look crazy haha!

4.Are you tired right now?

always.

5.Do you chew on your straws?

I used to, but I rarely use straws

6.Have you ever been called a tease?

nope

7.Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

definitely, a few summers ago.

8.Do you cry easily?

only in front of my boyfriend or strangers. but yeah, a few times a week.

9.What should you be doing right now?

homework!! I have two assignments, and my math teacher asked us to look through some stuff which I haven’t done and probably won’t do..

10.Are you a heavy sleeper?

no idea actually

11.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months?

with the person I’m with now, yeah, but not with just anyone. I do love being in a relationship tho

12.Are you mad at someone right now?

not really

13.Do you believe in love?

oh boy do I! I love love, it’s amazing and beautiful and can solve anything

14.What makes you laugh no matter what?

fat animals being clumsy

15.Who was the last person you talked to?

my mom 

16.Do you get butterflies around the person you like?

when he touches my arm when we’re sitting next to each other, or looks at me or kisses me in a certain way yeah. not every time, but sometimes

17.Will you get married?

I don’t know, I would love to have a relationship last for 50 years but I’m not sure I want to get married. 

18.When was the last time you smiled?

I was watching a stupid funny video on youtube

19.Does anyone like you?

yeah

20.Do you secretly like someone?

nah

21.Who was the first person you talked to today?

mom

22.Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

I can talk to my best friend about a lot of stuff that my boyfriend wouldn’t understand, but I can talk more openly about some stuff with my boyfriend. I would say my best friend

23.What are you NOT looking forward to?

School

24.What ARE you looking forward to?

Summer!! 

25.Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you they loved you, and meant it?

Yep :)

26.Suppose you see your ex kissing another person what would you do?

I’d be really happy for them

27.Do you plan on moving out within the next year?

yeah definitely

28.Are you a forgiving person?

I am, but I need time in certain situations

29.How many TRUE friends do you have?

two I think

30.Do you fall for people easily?

oh boy!! I am hopeless. of course I do

31.Have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend?

noo

32.What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?

cookies

33.Who was the last person you drove with?

my mom probably, but I don’t travel by car that often. almost never anymore

34.How late did you stay up last night and why?

past 1, my boyfriend and I had a water balloon fight with his little brother and it got late haha 

35.If you could move somewhere else, would you?

definitely! I want to live life and I just have to move to another city/country to do that. 

36.Who was the last person you took a picture of?

my boyfriend! I now have 2 pictures of him with a flower behind his ear

37.Can you live a day without TV?

yeah! I’d just read and listen to music no big deal

38.When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?

yesterday 

39.Three names you go by..

Amanda, Mandi, älskling. hahaha

40.Are you currently in a relationship?

yes

41.What is your all-time favorite romance movie?

a room with a view if that’s considered a romance movie. otherwise it’s before sunrise

42.Do you believe that everyone has a soul-mate?

I believe everyone has hundreds of people they connect with on a deeper level.

43.What’s your current problem?

I have a lot of homework and not enough time. 

44.Have you ever had your heart broken?

my girlfriend broke up with me a few days before my birthday when I was like 15 and I shut myself in my room and watched Gilmore Girls for like a week and didn’t go on my phone at all. after that I was fine and Gilmore Girls is still my favorite show so yay 

45.Your thoughts of long distance relationships?

won’t work if you don’t have set plans to move in together in the next months/year. 

46.How many kids do you want to have?

two, a boy and a girl. I’d like to adopt right now but I’ll have to see how the future goes

47.Have you ever found it hard to tell someone you like them?

not really. if I like someone and they don’t like me I just stop liking them and I don’t have to tell them haha

[eyessharpweaponshot]

Fun Q&A based on The 100

Tagged by @carrieeve <3

1. What station on the Ark would you be from?

Maybe Farm?

2. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Stealing medicine for a family member - there’s pretty much nothing I wouldn’t do for them.

3. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

No - I definitely would have kept it on. They all deserved a chance.

4. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..)

A half moon. I’m obsessed with them. Although I’d probably tell a boy like Finn not to bother, lol.

5. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be?

Illian. I liked him.

6. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Clarke, Bellamy, Diyoza, Raven, Echo.

7. What Grounder Clan would you belong to you?

Probably Trikru, I love the woods.

8. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!)

Hmm, it’s hard because it’s a three letter word. Probably just Jen.

9. Thoughts on Finn? Some people hate him, and others love him, so I’m curious

When I look back on the seasons, I don’t mind him at all. I think he had good intentions and even though he acted a little rash at times, he meant well. I could always see his side. But when I think of him now, I automatically think ‘asshole’ because he normally is one in everyone’s fics, lol.

10. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I would never have taken it. I struggle to take painkillers because I feel like ‘I need to battle it myself’ even if it’s just a headache. I don’t like putting anything artificial like that in my body.

11. What character do you relate to most?

Clarke.

12. What character do you like the least?

I honestly don’t know? I like them all. I guess things would be easier for my ship if Echo wasn’t in that exact picture but her as a character? Adore her.

13. Describe your delinquent outfit. (Would you wear something like Murphy’s jacket with the spikey red shoulder patch or have a trademark like Jasper’s goggles? Be creative, yet practical)

Combat boots, the pants Raven always wears, Bellamy’s ark issued guard jacket and just a long sleeve t-shirt underneath.

14. Favorite type of mutant animal?

Two headed deer always stands out.

15. What would your job be on the Ark?

Something involving caring for people, or a teacher.

16. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

Probably not. I’m fine with blood, not so much with stretching skin.

17. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she was still alive then who would have made the best commander?

I guess Madi would be pretty good, considering Clarke raised her.

18. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

I have no idea. I’ve never done drugs so I can’t even imagine.

19. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake approach?

Bellamy. She needed to be helped, not outcast or killed.

20. Who should have been the Chancellor, if anyone?

Jake Griffin seems like a good man, from what we knew of him.

21. Would you have been on Pike’s side like Bellamy or on Kane’s side? Or Clarke in Polis?

Kane’s, 100%. Saying that, it’s easy to say that knowing the whole picture. Bellamy only knew what was happening in Arkadia, he didn’t have the opinion of the Grounders that we did and he didn’t see the things we seen.

22. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod) What is the one thing you would snatch while there?

Real books and her iPod. For sure.

23. What would your Grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint?

Little symbols, just like I have in real life. Hairstyle - loved Octavia’s look in season 3 with pieces braided and pulled back. No war paint.

24. Favorite quote?

Ooh, hard one. I LOVE the entire ‘I got you for that’ scene. Melts me.

25. If all of the characters were in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Octavia for sure.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite canon ship? Favorite non canon ship? NOT INCLUDING CL OR BC OR BE

Least favourite ship: kabby. Like, they’re fine together. I just don’t care that much about them?

Favourite canon: that isn’t Bellarke, probably Memori.

Favourite non canon: going to contradict myself with the last point and say Murven. I love the thoughts of them being together just as much as I love Memori.

27. A song that should be included in the next season? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

Lewis Capaldi’s ‘Lost on You’ or ANY of his songs would be perfect. As for a cameo appearance, maybe Landon Austin?

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Drink and have the laugh.

29. You’re an extra that gets killed off. How do you die?

Sacrificing myself?

30. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

Echo, for sure.

31. A character you’d bang?

Bellamy. Always.

32. Would you stay in the Bunker? Go up to Space? Or live on your own in Eden?

I’d go up to Space, depending on where my love is going - ha.

33. In the Bunker, would you follow Octavia? What would you do to pass the time underground?

I would to a point, but really it’s fight or die isn’t it? Just keep myself, write as much as I can.

34. What crime would you commit in the Bunker that lands you in the fighting pits?

I have no idea, seriously.

35. Up in Space, who would you bond with first? Who would be the most difficult for you to get along with?

I’d definitely bond with Bellamy and Raven. Obviously Harper and Monty. Think it would take some time to warm up to Echo because I’d have to forgive her past mistakes and let her open up more.

36. How long do you think you would last on Earth by yourself?

I’d fight till the end.

37. When the Eligius ship lands what do you do?

Observe.

38. Favorite Eligius character? Least favorite?

Favourite: Diyoza. She’s a bad ass!

Least: Vinson. Creepy af.

39. Would you Spacewalk?

No, I’m a chicken shit.

40. Would you prefer to eat Windshield Bugs, Space Algae, or Bunker Meat?

Algae.

41. Would you start a war for the last spot of green on earth? What would your solution be to avoid it?

I wouldn’t start a war, I’d try to negotiate terms.

42. Would you rather dig out flesh-eating worms or stick thumb drives into bullet holes?

Thumb drives all the way.

43. Are you willing to poison your sister for the Traitor Who You Love? What would you do to stop Octavia?

If my sister turned the way Octavia did and she needed to be stopped, possibly. Goes to show how much Bellamy loves Clarke.

44. Would you go to sleep in cryo or stay awake like Marper?

I’d sleep.

45. Who are you waking up first to explore the new planet?

The ones with their heads screwed on. Diyoza, Shaw, Raven, Bellamy, Clarke.

I’m not tagging anyone but if you want to do this, definitely feel free.

[steviestevington]

All the questions

oh fUCK okay here we go

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Yeah they are

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Of course they are omg

3. Are you a virgin?

No

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes indeedy I am !

5. Are you in love?

God I sure am

6. Are you single this year?

Nope

7. Can you commit to one person?

I can and I am committed to one person !

8. Describe your crush

His name is Jay he’s got long black hair currently and green eyes and wears glasses he’s gorgeous

9. Describe your perfect mate

Jay lmao

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

No

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Absolutely

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Betrayal meaning like cheating? If so no

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Unfortunately yeah rip

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Yeah don’t tell him but I got a big fat crush on my boyfriend

15. Do you have any piercings?

Just my earlobes

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Unfortunately no :c

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Deadass love it so much

20. Do you shower every day?

Fuck no I ain’t got time for that

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well I sure hope my boyfriend does lmao

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Idk Jay might be but who knows

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of fucking course, easily

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I do not know honestly I could see it being maybe possible but who knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am and I am very happy about it

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

I think so maybe

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I don’t think so, I hope not

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Ehhh not really but if I had to choose something I would want my nose changed I hate it

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Uhhh probably

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

No

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah I mean I liked my ex before we were dating and we were best friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

I don’t think so ?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Uhh kinda yeah

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

No I’m terrible at that shit

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

Bitch they wander immediately

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Like 4.5 years or something idk

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Only one other boyfriend before Jay

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

None

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero

47. How old are you?

21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well idk what I would say in the moment but obviously that would mean we’d break up which would be extremely unfortunate and heartbreaking

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Literally everything there’s no way I can pick one single thing he’s perfect in every way

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

HAHAHAHAHAHA F U C K NO

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah his name is Jay

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Uhhh idk maybe I’ve given up on crushes in the past because it was obviously not gonna happen but that’s all I can think of

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I doubt it lmao

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

I mean I’ll never forget the shit my abuser did to me unfortunately

55. Share a relationship story.

I can’t think of any sorry agdhgfhsd

56. State 8 facts about your body

I will pass on that I don’t even know 2 facts about it that are more fascinating than “I have two arms”

57. Things you want to say to an ex

You’re a gross piece of shit and you had no right to pressure me into sexual things or treat me the way you did, you traumatized me in so many ways and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life, I hope karma kicks your ass one day

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Bitch I don’t know Jay did it easily ask him lmao

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t have any good ones on my laptop so just go to my “about” page there’s a link in my description or look at my blog /tagged/my-face

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I really don’t know I think the age difference between Jay and I is a little bit bigger than the one between my ex and I but I’m too lazy to figure it out

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyes or smile

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

I’ve got a real damn weird Thing for formal clothing so wear that for me n I’ll be so into it

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Idk anything with another person involving genitals honestly

64. What is your definition of cheating?

It’s as easy as just having an emotional affair it doesn’t even have to be physical

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t want it to lead to sex but some intense making out is my favorite

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

No I don’t do that fuck off

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Anything with your partner that you both enjoy is a perfect date

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pan/ace

69. What turns you off?

Bad hygiene and a shitty personality

70. What turns you on?

Good hygiene, making out, neck kissing/biting, hickeys, my partner makin cute noises of pleasure while we are all over each other

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

LMAO if I ever have sexual dreams they’re extremely frustrating and I can never actually get All The Way no matter how hard I try so I wouldn’t say I have kinky ones cuz I’m always by myself I don’t like sex with other people

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

None I don’t like sex

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

I like being given flowers

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

A nice smile

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Uhhh idk Jay always does extremely sweet things but what’s coming to mind is that he decided on his own to stop doing something that causes me severe anxiety because he doesn’t wanna put me through that and that meant a whole lot to me

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Man I don’t know I always go overboard with things but I think my valentines day with Jay recently is up there with the sweetest things I’ve done

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

There should not me a maturity or development gap at all

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I really want a dildo from bad dragon but I’ll probably never own one lmao

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Uhhh idk when one of my bfs friends goes overboard with complimenting his appearance I get weird about it cuz I’m a dumbass

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Idk I tell Jay I love him all the time so like 20 minutes ago probably afgdhfds

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

My boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, my boyfriend, and Brendon Urie lmao

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

I don’t know and I don’t really care anymore tbh

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

afdgsfd I mean that’s how Jay and I met so yeah lmao

[smnthchrstn]

All that you haven't answered!

i am much too lazy to go through and see what i haven’t responded to, so i’m just gonna do them all.

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Nope

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Probably

3. Are you a virgin? Okay see my other answers, this is a very long very rambly answer. 

4. Are you in a relationship? Nope

5. Are you in love? Nope

6. Are you single this year? I spent a chunk of it in a relationship.

7. Can you commit to one person? Yep

8. Describe your crush I have two. And one’s old enough to be my mom and the other my much older sister. (Does this mean I have a chance with Kate McKinnon?)

9. Describe your perfect mate Someone who is kind, loyal, shares common interests with me, can enjoy a good meme and shares my love of food/can make a grilled cheese please I’m begging you. I just want a decent grilled cheese.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Nope, not one bit

11. Do you ever want to get married? Probably if the right person comes along

12. Do you forgive betrayal? No I don’t

13. Do you get jealous easily? No I don’t

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? I answered this above ^

15. Do you have any piercings? Nope

16. Do you have any tattoos? Nope

17. Do you like kissing in public? I live in a republican area so it scares me.

20. Do you shower every day? Yep

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? Hard no.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Maybe my cat if I’m lucky.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Absolutely

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? No, but let fate change my mind. 

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year? Hard pass. Next year? We’ll see.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? I have

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? No

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Not on my body, but my hair I have.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? Of course

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Of course

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Nope

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? See here. 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? Yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yep

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yes

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? Many

41. Have you had sex so far this year? “Sex”? No

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? My hands are always moving.

43. How long was your longest relationship? Like seven months, but it wasn’t “official”. So like, maybe four months?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? This question is complicated because I had a lot, but some of my most serious relationships haven’t had a label on them. I’ve dated like officially maybe four people? Unofficially maybe like seven? Six or seven? - three boyfriends and a partner.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? One.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? See my above answers about sexuality.

47. How old are you? 22

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? I’m your mom, how dare you (to my cat. come on, i don’t give out these deets on tumblr)

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? I don’t have one :P

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? My first like actual love or my boyfriend? Because my first true love didn’t wrong me and my first boyfriend isn’t alive.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes, my friends. Specifically my best friend, Sabrina. Now she is a ride or die.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I’ve given up on a lot of people. I’ve given up on some family this year and I’ve given up on the person I believed to be the love of my life because sometimes people hurt you and you think that’s okay because you love them and don’t want to hurt them. You’re basically sacrificing yourself for others and that’s not okay for you.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No, no one cares about what I do haha

54. Is there someone you will never forget? Always

55. Share a relationship story. This one time my ex partner drove me home on the fourth of July and no one else had been driving on the highway at that time. We were holding hands and listening to Celine Dion and I kept pointing out all the fireworks I could see from the highway with this childlike amazement. It was a movie moment and I have enough of those to fill a book. It was the beginning of a wild adventure, one that I’m sure I could’ve continued on for a very long time.

56. State 8 facts about your body 1) I have scars on my shoulders from a severe sunburn. 2) I have a freckle on my left wrist (heard from twitter that’s really gay) 3) I have a small triangular scar on my right hand from burning myself on the oven. 4) My shoulders are covered in freckles. 5) My eyes are “green with gold specks” 6) I’m somewhere around 5′7 or 5′8 7) My hair is naturally a dark blonde, but I’ve dyed it black and or brown for the past four years. 8) I had my hair chemically straightened when I was twelve. I did it twice, it was a long and painful process. I did it due to bullying and have since grown to learn how to deal with my wavy hair.

57. Things you want to say to an ex Yikes baby, you missed out on a lifetime of love and support. Big yikes. 

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1) Trust. Being able to trust you and know you aren’t going to just up and walk away one day. Knowing I can count on you, that we will both be here and amp each other up or celebrate each other’s accomplishments. 2) Attentive. Listening to everything you have to say and you listening to what I have to say. 3) Learning and growing together. Someone who over time wants to grow with me, not against me or before me or worrying about my life or what my next move is. Let me grow and let yourself grow and we will grow beautifully together. 4) Loyalty. Betrayal sucks. 5) This sounds really dumb but common interests are super important. I hope the next person I date likes the same stuff I do. That’s always worked out for me. 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? I think two years. In my last relationship we were about 16 months apart in age. So I guess not quite two. But usually it’s two years older or two years younger.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? Eyes and hair.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Sexiest? I’m answering these out of order but see the foreplay question.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Doing something that is intimate for you, the other person, or both of you together. It can be defined in so many ways.

64. What is your definition of cheating? It isn’t just physical, cheating can be emotional and I think a lot of people let that slide. If you’re engaging with another person in a romantic or sexual sense emotionally or physically, that is cheating.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? Haha okay neck kissing. Neck kissing makes me weak. Certain places make me weak. Stomach, thighs, neck - yep. And for me on the other end, I like touching arms and shoulders and hands. 

66. What is your favourite roleplay? I have never done that. Never did that with another person in that way. Surprisingly. 

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? If you like the person enough literally any scenario will be a perfect date. 

68. What is your sexual orientation? My sexuality is lesbian and demisexual. And explained (for me) that means I’m gay and I won’t do anything intimate until I know the person’s soul and love them. (attraction develops with emotional bond for me)

69. What turns you off? Dirt under fingernails, overconfidence, instability toward others, impatience, mostly traits. 

70. What turns you on? Trust, loyalty, kindness, tattoos, sensitivity to feelings. 

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? No kinky wet dreams here.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? “I love you” preferably lol always need that #reassurance

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? I’m extremely easy to impress. Like a playlist is the best way.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? None.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? Played me songs that reminded them of me or performed songs for me in the car that they meant for me. That used to be a favorite of mine.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I used to write my ex notes and stick them to their fridge or in their bag to read when I left.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? When the younger person is older it feels more idk acceptable to me. Like a teenager and an adult, that’s not a consensual adult relationship I don’t approve of, of course. But I love older women (all women tbh) and could see it happening once I’m a bit older.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? It’s not really a secret but I love watching people smoke because it’s the hottest thing ever, even though I know it’s terrible.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Some family members harassed me on Christmas Eve and it made me jealous that they always seem to get away with questionable behavior. (More agitated than jealous)

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? My friend on her birthday.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Sarah Paulson, Hannah Hart, Kate McKinnon, Kristen Stewart, and Courteney Cox.

82. Who is the last person you hugged? I have no idea.

83. Who was your first kiss with? My first boyfriend.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? The person I dated stopped loving me.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? Yes

[creaturebloom]

this is a 65 question ask meme and im the bitch that’s filling it all out at once to waste time

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? oh yeah definitely, but it’s usually the other way around where everyone else is real and i am not

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? idk like a 2.5 i guess

3. The person you would never want to meet? i mean. i don’t know ??? how can i know who i don’t want to meet until i have met them and decided they’re the worst

4. What is your favorite word? akimbo

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? i would WANT to be a weeping willow, but in all honesty i’d probably be a birch or some type of maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? i honestly cannot recall

7. What shirt are you wearing? a grey pajama shirt

8. What do you label yourself as? the skeleton god

9. Bright room or dark room? i mean if we’re talking the absolute brightest room vs the absolute darkest, i suppose i would pick brightest.

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? for once i was actually asleep

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? god probably like 8 years old was good

12. Who told you they loved you last? my dad

13. Your worst enemy? it me

14. What is your current desktop picture? it’s a landscape in the style of like miyazaki movie backgrounds

15. Do you like someone? romantically ? no

16. The last song you listened to? poison vine - noah gundersen

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? just like physically destroy one person ???? idk man. like the consequences of this would probably be too far reaching for me to even fathom. do i get caught ?? does it spark paranoia worldwide ? a string of copy-cat murders ? could i live with myself knowing i killed a human being ?

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? nazis

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? idk like. the idea of a slave that has to do stuff for me for a day is kind of wild. if i can like, make a billionaire my slave and then force them to redistribute their wealth then i’d do that

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) my bones !! i can’t show them to you though, not yet

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i guess the opposite of nonbinary is SUPER binary so i’d be like half man half woman and i’d look exactly like a halloween costume

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no, all of my talents are pretty out in the open

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? one unique thing ??? i don’t think anyone really has unique fears. if you dig deep enough they all sort of boil down to the same few things in the end. i guess the most strange fear i have is that spiders will be in my slippers, and so i do not own or wear slippers.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. oh shit ok. idk all the ingredients but one time i ate a vegetarian bahn mi in chicago and it was like the most heavenly sandwich i’ve ever had. i want that again. endlessly.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? honestly at this very moment in time i would buy groceries, and also maybe a pad of watercolor paper

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? oof, leave immediately ??? that limits my choices bc i don’t have a passport. i guess i’d go to like. god idk oregon ? colorado ??? the pacific northwest somewhere.

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? wait what am i supposed to figure out if i don’t drink booze ??? like if my plan was to sell it, i’d have to get a liquor license, and that’s a can of worms i don’t care to open. i think i would ask the angel if instead i can get a lifetime supply of, like, that good bahn mi sandwich i was talking about a few questions up.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no nerds allowed

29. What is your favorite expletive? i’m pretty partial to fuck, but honesly yikes is what i say most often even though that’s not a swear word. petition to make yikes a swear word.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? hey so one time there was actually the threat of a fire in my house and despite all these questions no one does anything like that. i put on my shoes, grabbed my phone, sunglasses and water bottle because they were all immediately available as i was exiting the house. so as much as i’d love to grab my box of treasures and keepsakes, i absolutely would not and i know this about myself now.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? yikes. i can see the appeal of this for a lot of people, but for myself it’s just uhhh not feasible. i’d always wonder what i erased, and at some point i would uncover the truth. i wouldn’t like to live with that kind of mystery going on.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! oh thank god. i’m moving to a colder climate with universal healthcare.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? okay i would strike a deal here and let’s say i can bring back two pets instead of one person and in this case i would bring back rusty (family golden retriever), and also kohji (brother’s shepherd mix). i’d like to say i’d bring back my cat, but i have two cats now and i know my brother would really like his dog back.

34. What was your last dream about? i don’t really remember, tbh. i’ve been having a lot of weird dreams tho

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? yes i am a VERY good [something]

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes ! it was terrifying and i’d never like to do it again thanks

37. Have you ever built a snowman? no, somehow this was never presented to me as an option any time i’ve been around snow

38. What is the color of your socks? buddy i’ve not worn socks in months. but also generally they are striped with various colors.

39. What type of music do you like? gay stuff

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? oh i sure don’t

43. Do you have any scars? yes, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? considering that i am no longer in school, the answer is that i want to do whatever i feel like doing at any given moment

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i suppose i’d cure my mental illness (which i’m working on, so, this will happen)

46. Are you reliable? oh, no. no thanks. i absolutely am but i hate feeling obligated so i always choose to not put myself in situations where someone needs to rely on me for anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? i guess i’d ask if they’re happy

48. Do you hold grudges? i mean. i don’t forget things ........ but i am capable of forgiving people

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? nope ! i’ve seen movies, i know what horror that can cause

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? one time my sister and i were talking to our aunt, and we could not for the life of us figure out if she was trying to GIVE or SELL us some rabbit fur coats she had ......... it’s been over a decade and we still do not know which it was

51. Are you a good liar? yes

52. How long could you go without talking? several million years

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? sorry my hair is indestructible and because of the natural texture it looks great no matter what. i’m blessed and i know it.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? what kind of person doesn’t bake their own cake ????? rich people i guess

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? yes ! but not very well

56. What do you like on your toast? butter, and occasionally cinnamon sugar

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? some cool clouds

58. What would be you dream car? a honda prelude with the pop-up lights

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i do sing in the shower sometimes, but not loudly

60. Do you believe in aliens? absolutely

61. Do you often read your horoscope? almost every day, but i do my full birth-chart horoscope so that it’s accurate, and not like horoscopes from the newspaper

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? n

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? i mean are they not the same thing. tell me a dinosaur and a dragon are not basically the same things.

64. What do you think about babies? yeah they’re alright. i never want to be in charge of one but i’m alright with them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. i guess the most interesting thing i can think to ask myself is which tarot decks i have, and i will tell you. i have the prisma visions tarot (which is amazing), and also the shadowscapes deck (beautiful!), and also a deck of runes that i made myself with a sharpie on a pack of pepsi branded playing cards

[urdearestmom]

100 Questions

Tagged by @bob-newby-superhero thanks!!

1. What is your nickname? Sari, Sarita, Sarinha

2. How old are you? 18

3. What is your birth month? December

4. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5. What is your favourite colour? Green!

6. What’s your lucky number? 17 because it’s my birthday lmao

7. Do you have any pets? No but I really want a cat. Everyone in my family has dogs

8. Where are you from? I’m Luso-Canadian (my family is from Portugal but we live in Canada)

9. How tall are you? My driver’s license says 160 cm but the doctor told me 163. Either way, around 5’3”

10. What shoe size are you? Uhh depends on the shoe but usually 6.5-7

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? Many, but I always wear the same shit lol

12. Are you random? Sometimes, I guess

13. Last person you texted? I texted myself pictures from my mom’s phone. Last message in general was to @eljane-hoppers

14. Are you psychic in any way? Haha sometimes I think I am, but my mom is more >:^)

15. Last TV show watched? Saw an episode of Four Weddings on TLC this morning

16. Favourite movie? The Book Thief or The Greatest Showman

17. Favourite show from your childhood? iCarly!! Used to watch it religiously after school every day it was on

18. Do you want children? Yes, but definitely not right now lmao

19. Do you want a church wedding? Kind of yeah. It’ll depend on who I end up marrying but it’d probably be some kind of disgrace if I didn’t get married in a church

20. What is your religion? I am Catholic

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? Yup tons of times, whether for myself or other people

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? Nope, I am a Child of God™

23. How is life? Could be better, probably, but it’s pretty chill right now

24. Baths or showers? Showers, but I also really like baths

25. What colour socks are you wearing? Bold of you to assume I’m wearing socks at all

26. Have you ever been famous? I mean if you google my name the results are me. I was on CBC because I was in the national spelling bee in 2012

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? I feel like it’d be fun and cool for a while but then I’d get tired of it. I don’t like having people all up in my business and that seems like what life is like for big celebrities :/ But having a lot of influence would be awesome

28. What type of music do you like? Literally anything except country music (I’m not all that into rap/trap music either, but I can appreciate it from time to time) here’s a playlist of my favourite stuff it’s like seven hours long but if you go through it you’ll see it’s really all kinds :)

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? Maybe and I don’t remember? My childhood was a questionable era

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2, both under my head

31. What position do you usually sleep in? I usually fall asleep on my side but I almost always wake up on my back so I don’t actually know how I’m sleeping

32. How big is your house? 2 stories and a basement

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? Cup of milk with something else, usually a bowl of cereal or bread/croissant with Nutella

34. Have you ever left the country? YeET I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and to France on a 5-hour layover but we didn’t leave the airport and I don’t remember it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

35. Have you ever tried archery? Does it count if it was on Wii Sports? And yeah once and I was terrible at it

36. Do you like anyone? I think so and it sucks because he’s my friend :(

37. Favourite swear word? Probably fuck, I say it a lot. But I also say shit a lot so I mean idrk

38. When do you fall asleep? Oof regularly past midnight, but the time varies

39. Do you have any scars? A giant burn mark on my leg and a very faint lil thing on my right hand from this time I accidentally did an entire flip in my driveway

40. Sexual orientation? Was previously sure I was straight but I’m kind of starting to question that?

41. Are you a good liar? I like to think that I’m a very convincing actress

42. What languages would you like to learn? Mm I already speak Portuguese (if you ever wanna learn something hmu), and I learned some French because that’s mandatory in Canada but I dropped it and I want to get back into it. So, French! I also learned some German this year and I might continue with it. Also maybe Spanish, I can already understand some

43. Top 10 songs? Umm

Love Is A Battlefield - Pat Benatar

Rock You Like A Hurricane - Scorpions

Theme From New York, New York - Frank Sinatra

True Faith - New Order

Age Of Consent - New Order

A Million Dreams - The Greatest Showman OST

Second Waltz - Dmitri Shostakovich

Power Of Love - Celine Dion

Johnny B. Goode - Chuck Berry

Halo - Beyonce

44. Do you like your country? Canada? Yeah, I love it except for the stupid ass weather. I get sick every fucking time the season changes

45. Do you have friends from the web? Yeeee!! They’re all awesome people

46. What is your personality type? INFP- there’s more info here if you want to know what that means

47. Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw ftw bitches

48. Can you curl your tongue? Yesssss

49. Pick one fictional character you can relate to? Buzzfeed told me that, based on my music taste, I am “a student of classic rock like School of Rock’s Dewey Finn” (but actually HA I KNEW THERE WAS A REASON I LOVED JACK BLACK IN THAT MOVIE)

50. Left or right handed? Righttttt

51. Are you scared of spiders? They don’t scare me as much as induce some kind of panic, but it really depends what kind of spider. Really little ones are actually kind of cute, but big spiders send me into cardiac arrest

52. Favourite food? Akjsnfskd PASTA

53. Favourite foreign food? Idk man I’m already picky af with my food. If I live in Canada does that make the Portuguese food I eat on a daily basis foreign because if so I loooooove me some fuckin barbecued chicken

54. Are you a clean or messy person? Fairly clean. If I wasn’t my mother would hurt me lol

55. If you could switch your gender for a day, what would you do? Idk probably figure out how to pee standing up, maybe make use of the ability to lie on my stomach without hurting my chest :)

56. What colour underwear? I think this is turquoise

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? Depends what I’m getting ready for. On a regular day, ten minutes tops. If I’m going out to an event it can be upwards of an hour; sometimes less, sometimes more

58. Do you have much of an ego? Idk if it’s ego so much as me being confident in myself. Anyone who has a problem with me and decides to be rude about it can suck my non-existent dick

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? I try to suck them but it never lasts for long, I almost always bite them unless I’m really concentrating on not biting

60. Do you talk to yourself? Lmfao only ALL THE TIME

61. Do you sing to yourself? Yeee

62. Are you a good singer? I don’t think I’ll blow out your eardrums but I know I’m not the best either. I’ll just say I’m not terrible

63. Biggest Fears? Heights and deep water

64. Are you a gossip? I live for drama does that make me a gossip

65. Are you a grammar nazi? Yeah if I’m talking to someone I’m very comfortable with (my cousin for example) or if I’m trying to be petty

66. Do you have long or short hair? Long! I’m growing it out so I can be really dramatic and chop it all off later (also thinking of donating it)

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? I can name almost all of them but I always forget a few. I think it’s pretty good considering I was never taught American geography

68. Favourite school subject? Instrumental music and history were my favourites

69. Extrovert or Introvert? Idk I guess extroverted introvert? Is that a thing???? I’m really awkward and panicky in social situations with people I don’t know but if I have friends around I’m just here to have the time of my life

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? No

71. What makes you nervous? Having to talk to people I don’t know (it literally makes me panic it’s horrible)

72. Are you scared of the dark? Sometimes, yeah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? Lmao ok this depends on who the person is and if I’m in that kind of mood (but when I was a kid I used to correct my teachers)

74. Are you ticklish? Yes very

75. Have you ever started a rumour? No

76. Have you ever been out of your home country? Yes, I’ve been to Portugal a bunch of times, Spain once, and France on a layover

77. Have you ever drank underage? Chugged a cup of beer by accident when I was 6 oops

78. Have you ever done drugs? No but even if I had I don’t think I would say it here unless it was something minor like weed

79. What do you fantasize about? Travelling the world!!!!! And like, being a successful adult because right now I have no idea what the actual fuck I’m doing with my life

80. How many piercings do you have? Two, one in each ear

81. Can you roll your Rs? You gotta in Portuguese! I’m also fairly sure my French and German pronunciations are pretty much on point most of the time so I can do those types of R sounds as well

82. How fast can you type? Pretty fast on my phone and not slow on my laptop either (when you’re a writer you end up learning to type faster than you thought you would lol)

83. How fast can you run? Oof I’m not slow when I first start off but that only goes for like max 10 seconds

84. What colour is your hair? Dark brown

85. What colour are your eyes? Also dark brown

86. What are you allergic to? Bigots

87. Do you keep a journal? I have a diary I’ve had since I was like 10 but I don’t write in it very often. I also have a notebook where I write down fic ideas and outline plots

88. Are you depressed about anything? I actually think I might have seasonal depression or something but I’m not sure

89. Do you like your age? Yeah I guess being 18 is cool

90. What makes you angry? People who refuse to listen to reason

91. Do you like your own name? Yes it means princess!

92. Did you ever get a foreign object up your nose? No but I ate lead once

93. Do you want a boy or a girl for a child? No preference as long as it is alive and healthy

94. What talents do you have? Uhh I can play two instruments and will be learning a third does that count? I just remembered I can also balance a spoon on my nose

95. Sun or moon? Moon

96. How did you get your name? My mom had a friend named Sara when she was a kid and she always liked the name so here I am having been named Sara

97. Are you religious? Kind of? I don’t go to church very often but I think I believe in God (I believe that there’s something, at least). I’ve also received all the Sacraments that I can (as of right now that’s baptism, first communion, and confirmation)

98. Have you ever been to a therapist? Nope

99. Colour of your bedspread? Right now it’s just plain white

100. Colour of your room? Bright green!

Yeet I’m finished! Took forever ‘cause I kept getting interrupted but oh well

tagging: @eljane-hoppers @hannahberrie @mikeywheelerr @queer-deckovskij

[college-student-in-her-twenties]

My Main Takeaways from Attending a College-Level Writing Class as an Adult

Not everyone followed the classic graduate high school, pick a career when you are 18, go to college for four years, graduate, and get a job sort of path. Whether life got in the way, or you simply did not feel like college was for you – I want you to know that it is okay. Life is full of unconventional surprises, nothing goes according to plan, and sometimes you got to pave your own path.

With this in mind, and being in my twenties, I never pictured myself going to college. I love my job reached a point where I consider myself successful. I did not need an ounce of secondary education to get to where I am right now. But then there was a pandemic, and the world was upside down, and I started working from home. I had so much free time, and I realized I could attend college via Zoom. While I find online meetings absolutely dreadful, I thought to myself; I can get this “thing” over with. By “thing,” I am referring to getting a degree.

Fast forward, I applied to Florida International University, I got accepted, I was asked to pick out a major at age 23, I said business (I regret this, I am switching to something less math-centric), and there I was attending my first class. People usually say they feel a knot inside their throat when they are nervous. Well, I felt like I had 27 knots inside mine. While I only knew my classmates through an online realm, I was terrified. I have never been more afraid of 18-year-olds in my life. There was a voice inside my head shouting, “what if they realize I am older?”. They did realize I am older, not because of my looks, but because kids these days look up their classmates on Instagram and send them DM’s. Weird if you ask me, but hey, there were like one or two slightly older people like me in each class, and I felt a bit better about myself. As a slightly older generation, we have to get adjusted to change. Things are not the way we remember them; nobody takes notes in their notebooks anymore. Everyone brings their computer to class and uses an iPad with a journal app to take notes.

While there is so much you can learn online, college makes you step out of your comfort zone. Nothing like a good ole writing class to make you sit down and think about every single choice you have made in your entire life. While in the outside world, we all have access to Amazon books, Khan Academy, and sketchy PDF versions of texts, let’s be honest, none of us are reading them. Instead, my Writing & Rhetoric forcefully exposed me to so many narratives with points of view different from mine. The writing prompts of the class made me sit down and psychoanalyze the way I expressed myself. How my definition of language is rooted in my family’s culture and the places I lived in. As the kids these days say, I was “SHOOK.” While I do not think a person needs college to be successful in their professional life, college incites thinking. You have so many spaces dedicated to discussions and you get to receive feedback from professors who are the brightest people in their fields. As cliché as it sounds, you are forced to step out of your comfort zone.

Going back to why I personally decided to enroll, I required a serious change of pace. I needed to be exposed to other things; I was having a mini Eat, Pray, Love moment, okay? I was already doing all the eating by ordering all the Uber Eats all the time. It was time for that Pray moment; since I am not religious, the closest thing to a sermon that I will watch are TedTalks and god, did I have to watch those while in class. I had to listen to people that I would not typically want to listen to; I browse the internet all day, every day, and would not click on those talks if they popped up on my Youtube. Good thing I had a professor who made me listen to them. I learned so much. Did you know about the Sudani genocide? I did not.

Every assignment taught me something. Watching the Sudan Genocide TED Talk opened my eyes to so much. Not just the gory details of a mass tragedy, but the author explained how powerful sharing her trauma was to her. I thought she was inspiring, and then again, this is an example of a story I would have overlooked if I had not chosen to take this writing class. Now, for the sake of conciseness, I will list my main takeaways from the course. I want everyone reading this blog to also benefit from being exposed to different points of view and appreciate how they can make you a better writer.

Let’s get started.

Tip #1: Never stop writing. There is no such thing as a final draft, and there is something you can always work on or improve about your writing.

Most people do not think of themselves as “writers,” but anyone who can put words together and grab pen and paper are technically writers. What I learned throughout this class is that writing involves practice and dedication. While not everyone has hours and hours to devote to their writing, you can always make sure you at least re-read what you wrote down. Whether it is a text, a Tweet, or a cover letter, make sure to re-read. Even the most seasoned writers make minor spelling and grammar mistakes. Perhaps a sentence you wrote down made more sense in your head than it did on paper; fix it. You will improve your writing by a lot if you stop for a second and re-read.

As writer Richard Marius explains in his essay Writing Drafts, “Some writers cut up their first drafts with a pair of scissors. They toss some paragraphs into the trash; others they paste up with rubber cement in the order that seems most logical and coherent.” The writing process is different for all of us, but it will always involve some sort of re-writing. Adding, removing, or cutting up paragraphs and sentences. Finding new and improved words and expressions to give a better meaning to our thoughts. Writing is a messy yet beautiful process that I had forgotten about and that you probably have too. My advice to you, is to figure out a way to practice your writing. Whether it is starting a blog like this one, writing a letter to a friend, or finding a random essay prompt and writing an essay for yourself. The more you practice, the better you will get.

Tip #2: Embrace your identity. Everyone has a unique origin that makes them who they are. Whether it is your nationality, race, the languages you speak, where you grew up, or who you are surrounded by –make that a part of your writing—no more hiding your true colors.

Before this class, I rarely ever made a point to communicate my background through my writing. Every time I had something to write, I was as neutral as possible, which made my writing lack personality. Times have changed drastically in the last few years, and writing has become the ultimate way of self-expression. Do not be afraid to include cultural elements in your narratives, whether it is a word in your native language with no translation to English or expressions that are particular to your culture. Celebrate your heritage through your writing, and do not shy away from embracing who you indeed are. While I know you will not be writing a full-blown narrative about how your parents are immigrants, I recommend you put this tip into practice in your daily life. Perhaps include details about yourself on your next Instagram caption or Facebook status update. LinkedIn could be the perfect place to reflect about your heritage and the relationship it has with your profession. Your writing shall be a reflection of your true self.

Tip #3: Always keep your intended audience in mind. Make sure your writing suits the audience you are writing it for. Fix your tone, syntax, and structure to cater to the right audience and suit your genre.

This is such an essential tip! For example, when I am writing for my blog, I can say whatever I want and anything I feel. I can incorporate jokes and pop culture references. I can be as sarcastic as I want and as unapologetic as I feel on that given day. The same goes for my social media accounts and private conversations with friends. When writing a formal document, or cover letter that a potential employer would read, I would use a far more serious tone. I would shy away from jokes and opt for formal words. I would ensure my writing is sophisticated and concise. My goal would be to sound eloquent and respectful because I keep my intended audience, the potential employer, in mind.

Tip #4: Do not be afraid to get real. Feel free to write candidly about anything you want, whether it is a personal story or an issue you feel strongly about. Effective writing can help you tell your stories and effectively share your thoughts.

I struggle with this one a bit. While I can be personable and talkative, I am private about most things in life. Going back to the TED Talk about the Sudani woman, Emi Mahmoud, she convinced her audience and gave life to her poetry by opening up. If we did not know about her trauma, her words would not be as impactful. If you watch the conference, you will learn about the warplanes she could hear every morning while eating breakfast and how her hometown became a war zone. That is so impactful and heart-wrenching. Think of writing as a cathartic experience, it will allow you to release whatever experience is causing you trauma and allow you to connect your audience better. Writing about your experiences and who you are, makes you seem more human, which essential to communicate to an audience.

I genuinely hope you read through these tips and at least apply one of them to your writing. Before enrolling in college, I thought I was an excellent writer, and while I am probably not bad, I lacked depth. I did not sit down and think of the purpose of my writing and who I wanted to reach. I seldom opened up and did not let my writing embody who I am. Beyond the four tips stated above, my most important takeaway from this class is to be a fearless person and allow that to translate into my writing.

This philosophy can be applied to anything in life. For instance, if you want to go to college, do it. If you do not want to pick out your life at age 18, that is okay too. If you are 40, have kids, a job, a dog, and a mortgage, but feel like there are things you want to learn inside a classroom that Youtube cannot teach you, go to college! You mind your life, your choice. It is time for people to feel empowered to whatever they want at their own pace.

[ambootyos]

Club Confusion Pt. 28 (Page’s Ending Pt. 3)

Part 27

Word Count: 3,207 (Oh my gosh)

A/N: Okay..haha. Funny story..there will be another chapter after this..because I’m..ridiculous. Anyway, I’m gonna try to stop with 30 chapter. (haha originally this was supposed to be like 5 parts??) Anyway, enjoy. Matt is great in this chapter, so enjoy that. :) Oh yeah, and as always, there is probably some mistakes, and feedback is always nice. Enjoy!

Tags: @thegenericluchadora @wrestlingnoob @laziestgirlintheworld @originalbish98 @calwitch @villainsqueendom @originalbish98 @sheaxdevitt @kingslayers-angel @vipervenomisgoodforyou @karleedaniels27 @reigns420 @alexahood21 @bolieve-that @i-ship-it-okay @rebelfleur22 @g0lden-sunset @libby-rose-2016 @breakfastwiththesun @baybayforlife @spotofimagines @phenomenal-forearm

We got our table, and thankfully, Page at least got to sit next to me.

Brandi smiled at me. “So, you’re dressed up today, are you looking to meet someone?” She asked. Matt nodded.

“You are awfully dressed up. So, either Brandi’s right, or you’re trying to impress someone.” He winked.

I shook my head. “No, no, it’s neither. I just, like this outfit.” I replied, and I felt Page’s hand on my knee.

“Yeah, me too.” He mumbled.

The rest of the group went about their normal conversations, and Page turned his attention to me, still keeping a hand on my knee, and moving it up and down my thigh.

“Is this the real reason you wore this?” He asked with a smile, my face turned red, and I shook my head.

“No, not at first anyway. But, I’m not complaining.” I smiled. “Just, don’t get too handsy. Basically everyone we’re friends with is at this table.”

He shrugged. “They’re clueless. Would it really matter if I did?” He asked, moving  his hand up, even farther.

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open slightly, and he cocked his head, and pursed his lips together to keep from grinning.

“I never expected this from you..” I trailed off, and he smirked slightly.

“Well, you’ve never dated me before.” He whispered. “I’m full of surprises.”  

“You know..” I started, thankful the restaurant was loud enough, so that nobody could hear us. “Two can play at this game.” I smirked, as I put my hand on his thigh.

His eyes lit up, and he smiled, before clearing his throat.

“By all means, go for it.”

“I didn’t think you were into PDA..” I smiled. He bit his lip.

“I’m not. But, for you..I can get into it. Considering who knows when, or if, we’re gonna be alone together.” He explained.

“Hey Y/N?” I heard Brandi ask, and I turned my attention to her, and me and Page pulled our hands away, and kept them to ourselves. I hummed as a response.

“Will you come with me to get the next round?” She asked.

I sighed, and nodded, before following her. Page watched me walk away, and The Bucks, went off to play the arcade games that the pub had. Leaving just Kenny, Cody, and Page at the table.

Kenny followed Page’s gaze, and smiled, before nudging Cody, with his arm again. Cody rolled his eyes, and Kenny cleared his throat.

“So, Page, you see something you like?” He asked, causing page to turn his attention back to Cody and Kenny.

“Uh..” He started, before letting out a sigh. “I have to tell you guys something, and..it can’t leave this table.”

Kenny cocked his head. “And, what would that be?”

“So, before you guys came over, me and Y/N...we um, we slept together.” He mumbled, causing Cody to choke on his drink, and Kenny to smirk.

“Are you serious?!” Cody exclaimed, and Kenny tried not to laugh.

Page nodded. “Yeah, we have this deal, where it all ends at midnight. You know, a one night only thing, but, I don’t know..maybe I want more than one night.” He explained, and Cody shook his head frantically.

“That’s a horrible idea. You have the one night. Enjoy that!” He exclaimed.

Page sighed. “That’s the thing, I can’t. Because one, we’re here. And two, even if we get to do it again, I don’t think I’ll wanna give it up.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have sex with your friends.” Cody hissed, and Page shook his head.

“It’s not about that. I mean, that I can’t go back to talking to her like I used to, how am I supposed to act like I don’t want her? Or not tell her when she looks beautiful? Which by the way is all the time. I’m her ‘boyfriend for the day’ and I don’t know if I can go back to being just her friend.”

Cody rolled his eyes. “Okay, in all seriousness. Think this through. She wanted one night, right? And you said, you could handle it, so is going down this road really what’s best?”

Kenny cleared his throat. “Don’t listen to him. You’re her best friend, and the worst thing you could do right now, is lie to her, and not tell her that something’s wrong.”

Page shook his head. “No, Cody’s right. I can’t ruin this. One day, and it’s over.” He mumbled, as he laid his head on the table.

Cody smirked. “Get ready to pay up.” He whispered.

Kenny smiled sarcastically, and cocked his head. “Not yet.”

“Y/N? You okay? You seem a bit off.” Brandi asked, causing me to shake my head.

“Can I tell you something?” I asked, and she furrowed her brows and nodded.

“Yeah, sure. Is something wrong?”

I shook my head, and let out a sigh. “I slept with Page.” Her eyes widened, and her mouth fell ajar. “It’s supposed to be like, a one day thing. This all ends at midnight.”

She cocked her head, and smiled softly. “You don’t want it to be over, do you?” She asked, I shook my head, before rubbing my eyes.

“Is that bad?”

She sighed. “Maybe you should talk to him. You’ve always talked to him about everything. This shouldn’t have to be any different, should it?”

“But, I don’t wanna put all this pressure on him now..” I sighed, and shook my head. “I definitely can’t do it here.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I understand that. Just, promise me you’ll think about it?”

I nodded in response, before we headed back to the table, just around the same time Matt and Nick did.

“That game is rigged.” Nick mumbled, as he shook his head. Matt nodded in response.

Page cleared his throat. “Where were we?” He whispered, as he put his hand back on my knee, and smiled. I bit my lip to keep from grinning.

“Y/N?” I heard a familiar voice say from behind me.

I knew exactly who it was, but I kept telling myself it couldn’t be. I turned around, and hated the fact that I was right.

“Adam..hey..” I replied awkwardly, I looked past him to see Kevin Owens, who just waved apologetically

Page sighed, and crossed his arms.

Kenny shot a glance at Cody. “Did you do this?” He hissed, and Cody shook his head.

“No, but I feel more confident about the bet now. You wanna raise it? Say to three hundred?” He replied quiet enough so no one could hear him. Kenny rolled his eyes. “You’re on Rhodes.”

Adam took it upon himself to take a seat, next to me.

“So, how’ve you been? Are you living around here now? Don’t tell me, did you buy the dream house?” He asked. I rolled my eyes, and let out a sigh.

He chuckled. “Oh my gosh, you so did!” He exclaimed before putting his arm around me, and smirking slightly. “One time, we were driving and we-well, I, saw this house. She was busy..keeping me entertained, and alert, if you know what I mean..” He smirked, and I rolled my eyes as I looked at the ground.

“Well anyway, I told her to lift her head up, so she could see it, and she fell in love with it, we always said we’d buy it together one day. So, I guess that was half right.”

I sighed, and moved his arm off of me. “Please stop touching me. I’m injured and all so..”

Adam furrowed his brows. “Geez. You’ve never had a problem with me, touching you before. But hey, far be it for me to cause a problem.”

Page’s face hardened. “You’re a walking problem.” He mumbled.

Adam took a selfie, and made sure to get me in the background of it.

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Come on Adam. Enough is enough.” He stated dryly, and Kenny nodded in agreement.

“He’s right, enough is enough. How many times does she have to tell you no, before you take a hint? You really aren’t tired of being rejected yet?” He added.

Adam cocked his head. “How about I leave, when she tells me to go?”  

“You can stay, if you can just not bring up stuff from the past. Just act normal, we’re all friends here.”

He smirked. “Yes, true. But, I’m the only one of your ‘friends’ here, who has seen you naked.”

Kenny choked trying hold back laughter, and me and Page glanced over at him, of course I had no idea what he was laughing about, considering I didn’t know Page had told him.

Adam furrowed his brows. “What’s so funny about that Kenny?”

Matt cleared his throat. “I’ve seen her naked too. That’s probably why he’s laughing.” He replied.

Me and Page looked at each other, both a bit surprised that Matt actually fixed a problem, instead of making it worse.

Then Matt’s phone dinged.

“Um..Adam? Did you post that picture you took?” He asked, and Adam nodded.

“Of course I did.”

Matt rolled his eyes. “That explains why Marty is texting me.” He sighed and shook his head. “Ugh. He’s mad at me. He thinks we ditched him. Which..I mean..we kinda did. But now he wants to come.”

I rolled my eyes. “Really Adam? You just had to do that? It was that important?” I asked.

Adam shrugged slightly. “You’d rather have me here then him right?”

Page leaned over. “I think I’m gonna take off.” He whispered sounding a bit upset.

He was about to stand up, but I grabbed his hand, and laced my fingers with his, under the table, and smiled softly. Before clearing my throat.

“Adam, I don’t want either of you here. I don’t really want either of you around me, ever. I have a boyfriend, okay?” I started, and his face dropped. Matt and Nick furrowed their brows, Kenny, Brandi, and Page, smiled. “It’s pretty new. But, yes. I have one.”

“Well, who is this guy? Is it one of them?” Adam asked, an annoyed tone in his voice.

“I’m not gonna tell you anything. Why would I? You’d just try to mess it up.” I replied, and he rolled his eyes.

“Doesn’t matter. He won’t last long anyway, maybe longer than Marty, but still. I pretty much ruined other men for you.” He added.

I scoffed, and shook my head. “Yeah, not really. But he did.”

Kenny’s mouth fell ajar, and he started to laugh. Cody shook his head. Adam looked like he was at a loss for words.

“Kenny? What’s your deal? Is she talking about you? Are you the guy?” He asked, turning his attention to Kenny.

Kenny rolled his eyes, and breathed a laugh. “Yeah that’s why I’m on the other side of the table.” He said sarcastically. “No. It’s not me. If it were, I’d have already picked her up, and started making out with her in front of you to make a point. So, if said person is at this table, and I’m not implying that they are, that’s what they should do.” He smiled.

“Just because you aren’t next to her, doesn’t mean it’s not you. She’s always with Page.” Adam started, as he looked past me to Page. “Do you know who it is? You have to.” He added, and Page just shrugged.

“I know, some of it.” He smiled, squeezing my hand tighter.

“Maybe it’s him, who knows?” Kenny teased, causing Adam to scoff.

“Yeah, doubt it. That’d never happen.”

Kenny pursed his lips together, and Page cocked his head. “What makes you say that?” Page asked, sounding a bit offended, but also more cocky than I’d ever heard him sound before.

Adam rolled his eyes. “You’re the last person I would worry about. Unless it’s Kenny, then I don’t think it’s anyone at this table. I wouldn’t suspect Kenny if it weren’t for him being the one that messed up our relationship in the first place. But, everyone else here is harmless.”

Page opened his mouth to talk, but Matt cut him off before he could.

“I’m sorry, but you think I’m harmless? Do you realize how rude that is? Not to mention, untrue. I haven’t stopped thinking about seeing her naked since the day it happened.” He sighed before rolling his eyes. “You and Marty both, think so much more of yourself than you should Marty is still convinced Y/N is just throwing a..what did he say..?” He trailed off, looking at Nick.

Nick sighed. “A tantrum. He said she was throwing a tantrum, and that she’ll come back to him eventually.”

I squeezed Page’s hand, as hard as I could, out of frustration and anger, and he groaned slightly.

“Kinda relieved you aren’t giving me a handjob now..” He whispered, so that only I could hear him.

I eased up, and smiled softly, as I glanced over at him.

Adam rolled his eyes. “Yeah, Marty sounds as dumb as you do Matt. Sorry dude, but you have less sex appeal than The Revival has fans.” He smirked.

Matt’s mouth fell ajar. “Well you know what Adam? It is me. I’m her new boyfriend. She’s sleeping with me.” He replied.

My eyes widened, and Adam looked over at me.

“Is he telling the truth?!” He exclaimed, I looked past Adam at Matt who was silently begging me to go along with it.

I sighed. “Yep. It’s true. It’s him, after, I broke up with you and Marty. It just kinda happened.

“And before then.” Matt added, and I shook my head.

“Nope. Not true.”

“Okay, but she wanted to.” Matt stated, as Adam turned his attention back to him.

“Still no.” I added.

Matt rolled his eyes and nodded. “Right, still no. But I know for a fact that I wanted to.” He smirked, as he leaned back in his chair. “That’s right Adam. I ruined other men for her. So if I’m so bad, you must be freaking horrible. So think about that.”

“Yeah Matt. I got it.” Adam stated dryly.

Matt shook his head. “No, I don’t think you do. I really want you to picture it. Because it happens all the time! Everyday. Like multiple times a day. She can’t get enough of me.” He continued.

“Oh, and you know what, maybe Kenny’s right. We’ll do this in front of you to prove it, if we have to!” He added, as he stood up.

Kenny tried to hold back laughter. “This is the greatest thing ever.”

I cleared my throat.

“Matt. Sit down.”

He sighed, and obeyed. “Right, sorry Honey. We may do it all the time, and I mean all the time, but, she does have me whipped. That’s for sure.”

I looked at the ground shaking my head.

“As your actual boyfriend, I’d like to punch Matt. But, as someone who hates Adam, this is pretty entertaining.” Page whispered.

Adam rubbed the temples of his forehead. “I-I’m just having a hard time believing any of this. Like, really, Matt? Of all people, Matt? Why him? I could maybe understand Nick.” He sighed.

Matt furrowed his brows. “Well, that’s rude. But it doesn’t matter. She’s with me. Not you, not Marty, and certainly not Nick.” He replied, smirking slightly. I let out a sigh, and Nick rolled his eyes.

“Okay, Matt, calm down.” I stated.

He waved me off. “No, Adam should hear this.” He continued. I clenched my jaw, and Adam rolled his eyes.

“I know what she needs sexually, and I’m not afraid to give it to her. I can defuse her like a bomb. I’m hitting that every night!” Matt started, before smiling. “Sexually. Might I add.”

Kenny chuckled. “Oh my gosh..this just keeps getting better, and better.”

Adam turned his head to me, and smirked. “I wanna hear it from you.”

Kevin rolled his eyes. “Adam, come on, just drop it.”

“No. I wanna know. Is this ‘new boyfriend’ as good as you’re letting on?” He asked.

I sighed, before smiling. “Yes. My new boyfriend, is everything that I want in a guy. He’s absolutely perfect, and Adam, I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

Kenny watched a small smile form on Page’s face, and became annoyed with him for even thinking about ending it when the night was over, he sighed as he turned his attention to Adam.

“But, hey, who knows Adam? Maybe Matt will chicken out, not say how he really feels, and this will all be over tomorrow. Just call her then..” He said sarcastically, before glancing at Page for a split second.

Brandi nodded in agreement. “Or maybe she’ll be the one who won’t say anything.”

I knew what Brandi was talking about, but I still had no clue how Kenny knew anything.

Adam let out a sigh. “My advice to you then Matt, is don’t let her go. Because you’ll never, ever, get her back if you do.” He replied, feeling defeated, before he turned to me, and put his hand on my arm.

Matt shook his head. “Nope. No touching her.” And Adam, put his hands up in defense.

“Sorry.” He nodded, before clearing his throat. “You’re happy, right Y/N?” He asked, and I nodded, and smiled.

“Yeah, Adam. I am.”

He nodded, and let out a sigh. “Well, that’s all that really matters to me, honestly. So um..good job Matt.” He choked up, before hugging me, I let go of Page’s hand to hug him back, and Page frowned.

“So, I guess..I’ll just..go then.” He smiled shyly, before standing and waving to us, then he walked away without another word.

Kevin stood, and Matt high-fived him, causing him to roll his eyes, then I stood to hug him.

“We both know it isn’t Matt. It’s Page isn’t it?” He whispered in my ear, I let out a sigh and nodded.

He said nothing, and just walked away.

I sat back down, and looked at Matt, with a deadpan expression. “Really Matt?” I asked, an annoyed tone in my voice. He shrugged.

“You should be thanking me. If it weren’t for me, he never would’ve left. And, by the way if your real new boyfriend was here, he would’ve been insanely jealous. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of Adam.”

I shook my head. “That’s not true Matt. I honestly have no interest in Marty or Adam either one.”

“So, whoever this guy is, he’s gotta be pretty great right? Like, he’s better than Marty and Adam were, you know, in bed?” Matt asked, Page looked at the ground trying not to be obvious that he also wanted the answer.

I rolled my eyes. “Matt, that’s none of your business, okay?”

Matt crossed his arms, and cocked his head. “So, in other words, no?” He asked, Page rested his hands on the table, and sighed.

He seemed upset, which made me upset. I almost never saw him like this, and I knew this time it was because of me.

I cleared my throat. “Fine Matt, he’s not just better than Adam and Marty..he’s the best I’ve ever had.” I admitted.

Page’s face lit up, as he looked over at me, and smiled.

Kenny smirked at Cody.

“Still feeling confident?”