#i never let go. i never never NEVER let go you dont want unconditional love you dont want to feel it you dont want someone who feels it

[yamikawaii]

like idk how to get my therapist to understand that I believe almost everyone's love for me is conditional because it has been proven to me time and time again that i am actually one of the very rare cases of people who can experience unconditional love in the first place. is it that so hard to understand

[draconic-desire]

your yan!neuvi series got me on a chokehold !! I feel so bad for darling but it got me thinking, would neuvillette ever allow them to i dont know, go visit mondt to look at their parents’ grave (?).

Neuvillette meets his (dead) in-laws edition 😂

Ok this idea is simultaneously kinda funny but also makes me cry a bit because I totally think Neuvillette would have ensured your family’s wellbeing in your absence. Despite his flaws, he still maintains his overwhelming sense of duty and justice.

Yandere Neuvillette x Reader

(A Dance with the Dragon Interlude)

Talking about your life four centuries ago has become a bit of a taboo in the household you share with Neuvillette.

Mostly, it only serves to incite an argument, one you are always predestined to lose. The other times, it only reminds you of painful memories. So, you’ve learned to bite your tongue, to keep your past held tightly to your heart. Neuvillette doesn’t seem to mind; in fact, you believe he might prefer if your history were to be wiped from your mind completely, leaving a blank slate for him to carve his essence into.

Which is why you’re so shocked when, on a particularly storming evening, the Chief Justice himself requests, “Tell me about what your parents were like.”

Jolting, you nearly drop the book in your hands. He’s not looking at you—usually, having his gaze on you translates to irritation, concern, or lust. When he’s looking away from you, as he is now, irises trained on the waves battering the cliffs below your home, you know that means he is instead thinking, pondering.

But thinking about what? Your eyes narrow, and your heart accelerates. What is he getting at?

A hand clenches around your heart when you try to picture your mother and father in your head—and fail. Four hundred years without a visit or simple image…of course their features have faded over time. But you’ll never forget the warmth, the knowledge that they loved you until the end and supported your lifelong wish of pursuing marine biology, even when it took you away from them.

You only shake your head. ��I don’t want to talk about that, Neuvillette.”

He turns to you, now, eyes filled with calculation. A judge presiding over his court. “I had no parents. I simply…came to exist. Born of the water, the waves, the sea foam, and bestowed with this primordial power.” He glances down at his gloved hand, palm squeezing into a fist. “So the idea of parents is…foreign to me. Though I have a sense of the kind of ceaseless, unconditional love that defines a family.” You know he’s talking about his feelings for you, and your tattoo burns. “Experiencing a loss of that magnitude would be incomprehensible.”

For the life of you, you cannot figure out his endgame here. Why acknowledge your loss? Why equate his adoration and obsession with you for parental love? Your eyes burn, your breath quickens, you feel the tattoo pulse with energy as you—

“Do you ever wonder about how they lived the rest of their lives?”

Yes. No. Everyday. Somehow, you find your voice, a quiet thing filled with warning. Your skin feels so hot, like your veins are laced with lightning. “And how would you know anything about that?”

Neuvillette’s sharp eyes cut to your frame. “I…made sure that they were fully provided for. They lived happy lives, believing you to be living out your dreams in Fontaine. They are now buried together, in the cathedral cemetery overlooking the Brightcrown Mountains.”

Your breath hitches, and that power in your blood begins to settle. Their favorite place. The Brightcrown Mountains, where your father proposed to your mother. The Favonius Cathedral, where they were married. And the cemetery behind the church, where your grandparents had been entombed, too.

Something falls onto your lap. It’s only when you touch your hands to your face that you realize you’re crying. Neuvillette watches you with concern, one hand raised and poised to reach out to you, but he keeps his distance as he lets you process.

You release a shaky sigh. Was it true? Did they pass with no fear for your safety, in ignorant bliss of your extended life? The thought, although morbid in some ways, actually brings you a sense of peace. Your parents never had to endure the loss of you in the same way you had for them.

You swallow thickly, your voice hoarse with emotion. “Can we…visit them?”

That sets Neuvillette’s back ramrod straight as he blinks. You’ve only been out of the house a handful of times, and he was the one to bring this topic to light, but to venture out of Fontaine entirely? His protective and possessive instincts flare immediately, screaming at him to shut this idea down, to grab you and sink his teeth into your neck, dominant, claiming. But as his silver eyes flick across your face, taking in your tears, the tremble in your hands, the pit of mixed despair and relief in your eyes, he relents.

Slowly, he blinks, taking in a deep breath. You’re expecting an excuse, a verbal slap on this wrist disguised as concern for your safety. Which is why, for the second time tonight, you’re stunned when Neuvillette, rising to his feet, extends his hand. “I’ll take you there.”

~*~

The trip is easy, thanks to the Hydro Dragon’s teleportation abilities. The two of you arrive at the large square in front of the cathedral, the statue of Barbados towering above you. Briefly, you wonder what the Archon of Freedom thinks about your situation, or if he even deigns to care.

Not much has changed about Mondstadt in four hundred years. The streets still possess an older feel, cobblestone streets and stone walls surrounding the city. After seeing the drastic change in Fontaine, the fact envelopes you in a sense of comfort, knowing that at least one aspect of the world has aged alongside you, long-lived but unchanged.

It’s long grown dark, and the heavy downpour persists. Neither of you brought an umbrella as you ascend the stairs and wrap around to the cemetery behind the church. The rain, however, seems to dissolve into your skin rather than chilling you or soaking your clothes, no doubt another consequence of Neuvillette’s magic coursing through your veins.

The Hydro Dragon leads you to a small plot towards the back. Two tombstones are erected side by side, and you fall to your knees as you read: (Mother’s name) and (Father’s name) (L/n). Lives entwined to their last breath, they soar high above the clouds.

You hear a rustle of fabric, and soon Neuvillette has joined you, kneeling by your side. He raises his arm, and tendrils of blue light pool from his palm, forming the shape of beautiful flowers. They surround the graves, a sea of blues to celebrate your loved ones.

The two of you sit there for what could have been minutes or hours. All you know is that this is the most at peace you’ve felt in four hundred years.

[ball-of-butter]

i love that red queen puts family as the chief unit of love even above true romantic love like that for some reason is SO overrated in ya media. i dont think of the characters within friendship or romantic groups first, i unconsciously catergorise them into their family.

cal loves mare but cal will put maven first always and he loves his dad and his image so much he’s willing to sacrifice his character and relationship with her to fulfil the expectations set by his family and its not until realising what his MOTHER wanted for him that he lets go. and mare loves cal but she will always put her siblings and parents first which is why everything started with gisa and shade’s loss and it ended with her sister and the loss of her brother too. maven loves mare but he loves elara more even if she twisted him and elara loves maven more than the entire kingdom and thats why she twisted him. and elara couldn’t enact her plan to make maven king without getting rid of his love for cal first!! when shade gets killed mare HAS to kill elara because that is the only way she can make sure her pain is even with at least one person.

cameron does everything for her brother’s safety, she was willing to abandon her morals and dehumanise anyone standing in her way if thats what needed to happen. and after morrey was safe she quit— nothing was worth losing herself over except him. farley and shade’s love was so pure that it brought life and family to the farleys who were already broken with the grief of being halved. their love brought a daughter named after the death of the woman that destroyed the family, and it was so healing.

and that is what KILLS me about the samos family!!! that compared to all this unconditional loyalty— the samos family is a continuous act of playing at love and loyalty, when in reality volos and larentia could not care less about their children because they dont know how to. silver society never showcases this love and so then you have so many parents fucking up their kid in so many ways but doing it out of love because thats how they see it— all except volo and larentia.

so the samos family is an exception. i cant think of evangeline without thinking of elane and ptolemus and i cant think of ptolemus without thinking of evangeline and wren. thats their family. and at least evangeline and ptolemus experienced real love with each other, even if they were never taught it (evangeline’s fear over shade’s death was proof that she could imagine a world without him and it was one of the few times she was genuinely scared in the series).

[incorrectmahabharatquotes]

i love the incorrect quotes, but i dont agree with your political views. if its not much, could you explain why ur so anti bjp?(thats what i assume anyway)

You know, I actually think that the memes and the quotes are sort of a natural extension of our political views. I'll explain but it might get a little long. Stay with me here.

Firstly, I want to say that I think this way of perceiving politics is so fundamentally wrong.

"Anti-BJP", "Pro-BJP", "Anti-Congress", "pro-congress" etc etc. This isn't a cricket match where you're rooting for your favourite team. Politicians, as a general rule, are a bunch of liars. They lie to gain power and control. It's OUR duty, as CITIZENS, to keep them accountable and in their lane so they actually do their goddamn jobs. That's how the democracy is supposed to work. If they don't do their job properly, you vote them out of the seat. They work for us, and not the other way around.

In India, we grow up with this idea of not questioning your elders. Papa ne keh diya, bas keh diya. As children our natural instinct of curiosity and inquisitiveness is stifled. We go to schools and the same pattern follows. Don't question the authority. Keep your head down and colour inside the lines. We internalise this lesson to colossal degrees. Is it any wonder that we all struggle with critical thinking? If you're spoonfed "the correct answer" your entire life, you never learn to find if what you were told is correct or not. This exact thing is used by all politicians across the entire political spectrum. They use our learned behaviour of deferring to authority and never questioning power against us. The leader of the country becomes the patriarch. Papa ne keh diya, bas keh diya.

I have various issues with various political parties in India, in fact. I have no love lost for any of them. I don't exactly believe in unconditional loyalty to politicians.

Since you brought up the BJP, let's talk about that. My biggest issue with them is their politics of communal hatred. All they keep yapping about is hindu-muslim this and hindu-muslim that. For what? They could spend their time talking about actual issues but the low-hanging fruit of stoking communal hatred is easier to grab onto. Remember when the British did the same thing? It was bad then and it's bad now. All this unrest just to get votes. Imagine fucking up the mind of an entire nation like this and then demanding to be praised for it.

Their foundational roots are from the RSS and that entire organisation's existence is just insane to me. It's even more insane that they managed to go from a fringe ideology to becoming mainstream. "Hindu rashtra", it seems. Who even wants that? WHY do they want that? Is it such a bad fate to live in peace and harmony with other religions? A lot of their talking points are about how much they hate the islamic nations and how those are horrible and then they want to turn around and do the same thing?!? Is the hypocrisy not clear? So what if other countries are religious states? Why can't we try to be different? Maybe I'M the stupid one for thinking all humans are the same that we should treat everyone the same. Who knows.

There are also a bunch of other issues that the BJP has racked up during their rule. The demonetisation disaster, mismanagement of government funds to create public infrastructure, letting the interests of billionaire business ruin PROTECTED FOREST AREAS for mining coal that they didn't even need, introducing and passing HORRIBLE bills through the parliament without any thought or discussion, literally ignoring the plight of people dying in riots, CORRUPTION, destroying the public sector and letting for-profit capitalists free reign in a country which has practically no proper labour laws, aiding in creating a historical record of INCOME INEQUALITY that is higher than it was during the fucking colonial era, fucking up the press even more somehow to the point where they control all of the media houses.

This is not even scratching the surface. I could keep going.

My issue is not whether people vote for the BJP or not. Even if you like the BJP, my issue is that people seem willing to turn a blind eye to all the issues with the government and not even hold them accountable for it.

Vote for whoever you want. My only request is to keep your government accountable. Keep the power in check. The politicians should be SCARED of the citizens fury if they do something wrong. They shouldn't be free to do whatever and get off scot free.

That's our political stance, really. It's Pro-Exercise-Your-Democratic-Rights-As-Citizen.

We will always encourage others to be wary of people with too much power.

Now coming back to why I said the memes reflect our political stance, it's because it's obvious to see why we happen to be willing to risk being a little critical of a literary text. You have to be a little transgressive, in a sense. Perfect obedience and perfect reverence stifles people from engaging with something to their full potential.

I'm sorry to say that if you enjoy the memes and the quotes, you are also being a little transgressive like us. You're also questioning the authority of a religion to an extent. Perhaps our political leanings aren't as different as you might believe.

-Mod S

[livingsurreal]

What is it with Baldurs Gate 3, that this game has so many characters I completly obsess about? I am usually a "one-true-blorbo" kinda girl. Fenris, Solas, Garrus, Jaal. Those are my Bioware blorbos.

I might try to smooch some one else but it never really works out.

Now for some reason, in BG3 my brain makes blorbos out of half the cast.

Astarion is my No 1. He is a very angry feral cat and I will love him till I die. He is perfect and sweet and angry and deserves sunlight and hugs and sweet gentle kisses and patience and a fucking hero in shining armor who stands beside him, without expecting shit in return. Who is there and is his shield and voice of reason. Some one who doesn't save him but gives him the space and chance, so he can save himself.

But damn, there is Raphael who takes way to much space in my brain lately. Give me that pillow princess and I will make him so much better he forgets what contracts even are. This poor sweet devil prince who never experienced love or someone who truly cares about him. All he knows is terms and conditions and life is so much more than transaction. Such a shame that he cant be romanced ingame. He is just the best devil and damn he looks soo soo yum. (WHERE IS MY RAPHAEL ROMANCE)

Karlach who is the bestest ever and I want her to ride me into the ground, and I want to hug her and hold her hand and never let her go and tell her is is the best thing since the invention of icecream and she deserves EVERYTHING!

Gale, sweet Gale who deserves unconditional true love, kindness and so many kisses. Someone who tells him "you are enough" and just loves him and blows him till he sees stars.

Wyll who deserves someone loyal, and sweet, who stands beside him and doesn't throw him away and tells him he is perfect the way he is. Also dances in the moonlight yayyy!

Dammon with his cute smile and sweet voice who needs to be smooched very gently. (WHERE IS MY DAMMON ROMANCE? Also he and Karlach would be perfect for each other if not romanced)

Rolan with his snotty attitude who needs to be smooched very hard. Also he needs to be fucked against a wall. (WHERE IS MY ROLAN ROMANCE)

Zevlor who deserves all the hugs and love. Also he needs someone who grabs his horns while riding him into the ground. (WHERE IS MY ZEVLOR ROMANCE)

Lae'zel and Shadowheart are made for each other. They are my sweet angry baes who really need to take a room and fuck it out of their system. Sorry, I would love each one of them but I just don't dare to come between them. But I will be their cheerleader and be the most embarrassing friend when they finally stop being silly. How sad is it that our companions dont find each other if we dont romance them. They deserve love, and Tav/Durge cant kiss them all!

Halsin who gives the sweetest bear hugs and seems somehow lost in Act 3, and should be kissed and hugged and be given lots of little ducky plushies.

Jaheira who is just the coolest and a damn good friend and gives great (bad) advice and who would share a blunt and a bottle of wine and I would listen to her stories all day, I love her so much. We all should have a Jaheira in our life.

Minsc who also tells the best stories and if you want really good (bad) advice you would ask Boo. He would be the best (worst) wingman, and the no 1 person you go to when you have a bad day. He just makes everything better. When in doubt just go and do some asskicking and everything is good.

How can ONE (1) game have so many wonderful characters, where I want to band almost every single one of them.

[blorbingqls]

"We accept the love we think we deserve" - seeing this quote in terms of love and control as subjects in Only Friends

With @tomatoland 's brilliant post on TopMew on the above quote here , i think that with 7 eps in, we have understood that love and control are very well linked with ephemerality as a subject.

As i have previously linked epheremality with control here, i would like to talk about how love also makes us lose control with the impermanence of life. This is a long overdue post for 4 eps now.

linking the ephemerality squad here so that you can also share your opinions on this @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ranchthoughts (anyone else i am missing, pls tag, i really appreciate it)

TopMew

As Tomato (@tomatoland i hope you're okay with that nickname; i really tried to find a name on your blog for you) has referred in their post, Mew left his bubble of insecurities and got his heart broken. Completely legible and correct on his point. Top really loves Mew but now Mew has no reason to believe him anymore. With the play in their power dynamics, both of them loved each other and lost control of the way they wanted the relationship. Yes, if Top and Mew has stuck to their original plans - just reaching to the point of ideality and sex, then, this relationship should have ended after they got their goals. I dont think that sex was a goal for Mew as much as it was for Top, but, we can say it was in the secondary.

But as they fell in love, they, especially Top understood how the love he received from Mew is so much more than he thought he deserves (taking into account his trauma and past experiences). So , even though Mew is projecting his hurt by doing things that literally are asshole-ish as fuck on his accord, Top is willing to let go all of that since even he knows he is in the wrong this time and he is willing to lose all control he has on his life - of fame, money and insecurities in order to have Mew back. Top is willing to be as obsessive as Mew said he would be in a relationship in order to get and accept the love he think he deserves from Mew, even if it won't be good.

But, I also feel, the concept of love as explored in the series so far, not just runs along with TopMew because of the books, but also with all the remaining couples in the show. I won't discuss P'Yo and her partner, CheumApril in this segment, because I want more angles on this from the coming episodes in order to validate my point. But, I'll discuss this point with our other views on the couples: RayMew, TopBoston, SandRay, and BostonNick.

RayMew

Now, RayMew is a pairing that is being enforced on the viewers for the past 3 episodes now and the last episode shows a pretty good view of how as characters, Mew and Ray view each other.

For Ray, his love is unconditional for Mew because it correlates with that fact that Mew was the only reason who made him stay in this world - who made him believe that he deserves the love from his friends, the love which he didn't get from his parents or any potential partners. But potential partners were never in the scene because Mew was Ray's emergency contact. Their relationship runs deep and however much you may think, even if Ray thinks Mew's love for him could be more as a friend, he also believes that because as he is so damn shitty and a fucking burden to society, he can't ask for more from Mew for the sake of their friendship and his esteem. He keeps entertaining the idea of them as partners several times, but, until ep 7, Mew has never entertained the idea that his love for Ray will be any worthy of more than a friend. Because, Mew wants to continue making the boundary and keep the control, according to me.

Now, as Mew has entertained the idea, i am interested how it pans out in the next episode (not very promising tho). just linking this out here because its so fucking interesting.

TopBoston

We will mainly take here Boston's viewpoint since Top gave up on this since the very beginning and became firm with it post ep 3. He gives no flying fucks about the possiblity of it. Top considers Boston to be a one night stand and a one night stand only.

Boston, as has mentioned so many times, considers Top to be top tier; the person who gives him something as close to love because as an Machiavellian prince (refer here) Boston considers Top to be the only worthy competitor in his reign. And he really doesn't care if he hurt others feeling. Mind you, Boston has been the most truthful to himself, maybe not to others. And as a prince, his love speaks volume through keeping them in their reign because ultimately Boston wants power and control in his arena. That's the fucking politics of it. And Top is the only worthy contender who can damage his reign. Hence, he wants the top tier power as much as possible, and only Top can give him that. Him fucking off to America, that can easily happen through Top, because he is a very well known hotel chain owner/manager. So, Boston wants his loves, because he very well thinks he deserves it and he accepts it as much as he can. But, he also knows that for him, he can't make this love into a weakness, because that will be out of his control.

Boston however, as Mew so incredibly pointed out, is gullible. Ray couldn't see through him, but, MEW FUCKING DID. That is why even though Boston didn't consider Mew as his competitor, he was fucking jealous of him because Mew got Top and was chosen over eventually by Top. Mew has the power that Boston didn't think he had, till now. And tbh, Mew is now winning the game, despite his insecurities with his relationship with Top.

THE WAR HAS BEGUN, MY FRIENDS.

SandRay

God, I have so many feeling for these babies. Where to start? Okay so, you know in second episode, Sand built that boundary with Ray regarding friends with benefits? Well, it has backfired on him. COMPLETELY.

As ep 8 preview says, I love how Sand realised the fact that they were never friends to begin with, for even to have made that boundary to make sense. Sand is a pathetic little man, as so many of you have pointed out, but, why is he the way he is?

His incredible nature to be so caring of others around him has made him feel like its his responsibility to take care of everything. His mother, his business, his money and job, his style and even his fucking roommate. Now, Sand is so emotionally attached to this damsel in distress, pathetic burden to society (affectionate) Ray, that even before they became friends, he made Ray his responsibility. Sand has no right to ask for love from Ray, because they are not friends, lest friends with benefits to ask for any care towards himself. But he selfishly asks, for the first time.

Because, as a person who keeps on taking care of others endlessly, it is harder for them to ask for the care and love they expect and deserve from whom they love while keeping their self esteem intact. And for Ray to completely shut him down at that time, and him still following Ray while he was drunk, makes him so much real because you feel responsible for that person. You are their emergency staff, even if they don't consider you to be.

While Ray comes from another perspective itself. He initially wanted to know Sand more as a person, because he is a person who wanted to explore the life beyond what has been given to him. He is a spoilt brat, and when he realised that he can't buy Sand's love, he explored it with him.

But because I think Ray believes that Sand will always be for him, even when he does asshole-ish behaviour (because thats where everyone leaves) he has taken Sand for granted. The backup option. Anything goes wrong with his ideal relationship, he can always go running back to Sand, because Sand has become his addiction.

Apart from drugs and alcohol, Mew and Sand are the only people he can keep coming back to. For Mew, it is only at a cost. At some conditions, only for something personal. While maybe Ray wants explore that possibility with Sand, but he is afraid. He is afraid that Sand will go away. just as Mew did. A person who can only consider him a friend and nothing more. Even if he wants to explore that possibility with both of them, loving them at the same time, he can't make people his priority, because he doesn't know how to do that. Nor does he think he's worthy of it. So, he accepts whatever he thinks he deserves off Sand's love and care.

I am interested to see how it pans out for these idiots once his relationship with Mew falls out. I am concerned for Ray so much. Give him access to therapy and rehab soon pls. Sand and Ray's father I think are going in that direction, with this speculation by @prapaiwife.

BostonNick

Now, our final pair has been the most interesting couple in this show so far. Why do I say that?

Well, for Nick, Boston is one of the top-tier gays. As pointed out by Boston, he likes bad guys. And lets be honest, Boston, most dishonest, cunning bastard out there. So, Nick believes that he will be that gay who lands the top tier dick and fix this problem. Right?

Wrong. Nick very well knows this won't happen. Still he keeps hoping for more as Boston doesn't know how to not be a hypocrite as a prince. He keeps giving some here and there false hope through his actions, not words which makes Nick believe he's special, but he's not. He takes whatever love he thinks Boston gives him, despite him not being his number one, despite Boston cheats on him over and over again. He just wants whatever of love as actions that Boston can give to him because that proves wrong all of his low self esteem. So he accepts whatever he thinks he deserves because he can't ask for more in a bed friend relationship. With Boston's guard so up and his will to leave the country, Nick knows he can't do anything but try to make him stay. Even if that's a 99% chance of not happening. He tries because he doesn't want Boston to hate him. He only wants him to love him. Because for him, thats enough.

The sadness keeps on piling up for these outsider, hard working roommates, doesn't it?

While, for Boston, he is nothing but a rebound from the angst of not getting Top. He wants a serious relationship, and maybe, he does look for it in Nick, maybe not, but he doesn't love Nick. He doesn't love Top either. For Boston, Nick is a toy he wanted to play with.

Because he cares about his reign, his reputation. And, Nick realised that. Hence, Mew contacted him and Nick gave that information to Mew. They will bring Boston down together because Nick somewhere believes he can get him back.

But Nick babygirl, he doesn't love you bub. He doesn't. And, it hurts so much. Because Boston keeps on taking from you, whatever he deserves. And that is your care for him, for granted. He is a leech bub. He is.

Now, how does it all link to ephemerality and control?

Well, love itself is impermanent. It doesn't stay.

The world knows this and still we chase it. And at an age as our characters, we chase love and freedom like anything. In order to gain control. We take up jobs, more courses to learn, experiment with love and relationships, with people because the time is ticking and people say now is the age. We break hearts and get it broken.

As P'Jojo says "This show is Hurt People Hurt People", tell me who hasn't been hurt by love, by control and by living at its time? And also by missing out each of these experiences because you were lonely with your own life and burdens?

We accept the hate and love the life gives us, because this is what we think we deserve out of this. And tbh, these feelings, are never permanent. They keep changing with time, and that's the only thing thats permanent.

Change is the only thing that remains permanent.

[withlove-xixi]

rank hottness levels of majima in each game/phase Now!! (pls....)

/ suggestive (its nothing bad)

ok im ngl im not entirely familiar w all the games but im ranking the ones i have seen but they're basically more or less only my favorites

anyway i'm starting w one of my all-time favorites ... my beloved goromi!!

seeing him like this makes me feel things i didnt know i can feel. is it the lesbianism in my brain is making some sort of connection? is it because his little date w kiryu was silly a hell? is it a secret third thing? i will never know. but i suspect it's because i see him like this and my brain tells me that is a woman and my lesbian instincts kick in because what purpose was i put on this earth for if not to share my unconditional and infinite love to every woman that has ever existed

anyway all i know is goromi is my darling girlfriend .. she reminds me of candy-chan (and in turn, ive found similarities between sanji and majima im certain are mostly delusions) and i want to go shopping with her and spoil her with sweets, as i want to do with every woman ever

next is 24-hour prince majima .. but specifically from like a pirate (or whatever its called)

something about him tickles me in the head (it's the hair) like hey boy, hey guy ... do you need a housewife ... ? LIKE THE JUXTAPOSITION OF HOW HE LOOKS NOW IN THE MV (?) COMPARED TO IN Y0 IS SO FUCKING INSANE TO ME. DEAR GOD.

the distant sadness in his eyes and general melancholic maturity about him makes him hot tbh. like wow i want to kiss you on every inch of your skin, i want to soothe your worries with homemade meals and warm baths and kisses between stolen cracks of moonlight, i want to greet you good morning and good night and shower you with spontaneous grand gestures on a random tuesday, i want show you everything that is good in this world and help you understand that it exists within you too.

i like this majima a lot.

h- ... hannya man ... good god ok ... i ... i need time to breathe

i know exactly what appeals to me; it's the fancy tux/suit and the mysterious aura from the mask. wow ... idk its such a drastic shift from his usual silliness ... like wow ... hey. hi. hey. are you free this weekend? do you need anything from me?

idk im just saying, he looks like he'd tell you when to cum then make you clean up the mess or like he'd tie you up and play with you for a bit. and rlly idc, whatever you say handsome~ hehehehehehe~

putting him in because i see him often (because im playing y0) but lord of the night majima and i . hes okay ..

i mean that genuinely too like. he's fine. i get the appeal. i think its the slicked back hair into a tight ponytail that throws me off a bit orz but i .. i like his vibe, or aura as the kids say .. he feels like such a loverboy, like he'd surprise me with random visits and bouquets of flowers, or he'd kiss you very tenderly and slowly, almost gently.

in terms of "i want him." he gets a pass only because he is majima and im in love with him unfortunately (tho i shall see if my thoughts on him change because im on chapter two of y0 and he hasnt even shown up yet)

then of course we have this iconic fit (i picked this photo because he looks so puppy dog here .. wow)

giggling, twirling my hair. hi. hey <3 from an objective perspective, this outfit is kind of ass like ? snake-skin jacket, leather pants and ??? no shirt?? but GOD. unfortunately, its a terrible outfit on an insanely hot forty something year old. i want you. i want you so bad.

and i dont actually know if his hair changes w this outfit, like if its short + undercut then grows a bit longer or not but ive seen pics of him in this fit w longer hair and he looks better like that tbh. also i cant shake off how uncomfortable this outfit looks like that must be so hot to wear .. but again idc im kissing you in the mouth. let's go play at the claw machines in the sega arcades and sing karaoke together and hold hands and kiss and fall asleep next to each other and kiss and get dinner together and take walks in parks and kiss and kiss and kiss and kiss and—

and finally my number majima one is .. !

this specific scene of majima from like a pirate where he does the thing with his finger like AUGHSDGHADNNN!!

the disheveled hair, the smirk, THE WAY HE BECKONS YOU WITH HIS FINGER. good god!! majima was alr my favorite by default because he was a weird ass freak i found funny but THIS? hello sir, daddy even, where is your shirt and do you mind taking off your pants too? qw?e@?w$e?asf?a?!!!@?e!#?!@ HEAHEHHDSHFAEr!~@?#!@!!@!mDFNDFSMA,,,,SDFM

I Need You.

(thank you anon for listening to my tedtalk and for telling me go a bit insane about my silly old man that i want so badly)

[takaska]

yes yes we GET IT, it's better to love yourself or at least be neutral- but STOP. TELLING. PEOPLE. THAT NO ONE WILL LOVE THEM IF THEY DONT LOVE THEMSELVES. that does NOT make people go "ohhhhh wow, I thought hating myself was like... the best way to live life, how could I be so dumb!" it just makes people who already are in a dark place double down on that darkness! you are telling a drowning man that he should just swim!

I ONLY learned to be neutral to myself once I had friends who showed me what unconditional kindess and support meant. I ONLY learned to stop hating what I saw in the mirror when friends reassured me that my presence was wanted in their life. I would NOT be alive without them telling me I am wanted, because the voices in my head have spent over a decade telling me I'd be better off dead. I would have LISTENED to those voices if I didn't have people tell me they loved me, because it was (and honestly still is sometimes) BEYOND DIFFICULT to stay alive when you hate yourself.

if you hate yourself, and you think you are better off dead, you NEED external support. you NEED people to show you how to take baby steps to reverse that view. you DO NOT need people to say "wow, you're so fucked up that idk if anyone can help, let alone love you :/" which is all that some people take from "you won't be loved until you love yourself"

sometimes not hating yourself is the hardest thing you have to learn. no one can do it alone. stop telling people who are scared of being alone and unloved that you, personally, think they're the reason they aren't loved. we are already afraid that that is the case. we don't need your condescending "well, if you don't love yourself, why should anyone else?"

if you're out there right now, scared of being unloved forever, I'm sorry. I'm sorry people have failed you, I'm sorry that date didn't go well, I'm sorry they rejected you, I'm sorry they left one day and never came back. I'm sorry you've never had anyone, I'm sorry you thought you had The One until you didnt anymore. I'm sorry you're alone. I'm sorry you hate yourself. I'm sorry I can't make everything better.

if you hate yourself, I understand. it is mentally healthier to figure out what would make you like yourself more, even just to a point of neutrality, but that's NOT a pre-requisite to being deserving of love. you were BORN deserving of love. it came free with being alive.

[alicentsgf]

What do you like in rhaenicent? What attracts you to them as a couple, and what attracts them to each other in your opinion?

i was so tempted to just respond with 'im a lesbian' but imma bite. prepare yourselves.

the basic cornerstone of it is i love women and i really really love tragedy, so this pairing is Perfection. on the most basic level, episode 1 rhaenicent was just cute like anyone who denies that just hates joy i guess. i was at least a little invested from scene 1.

you've got these two girls who have such different temperaments but then theres this undeniable element of sensual intimacy and chemistry. to me it seemed obvious even without the comments from the cast and crew that alicent and rhaenyra were in love with each other (in some way) as girls. they start off so comfortable with each other, reaching out for each other at every opportunity. rhaenyra even admits, however flippantly, to wanting alicent (and freedom) to the detriment of everything and everyone else. she would leave it all behind except alicent. but this means the dream dissipates with alicents disproval. rhaenyra is All desire, whereas, for better or worse, alicent tempers that because she is All duty and shes been raised to perform it without question (initially for rhaenyra as her companion, then later for her king/husband and their children). the biggest themes in the story are brought forth by rhaenicent's dynamic and by ways in which they act as foils for each other: loss, betrayal, duty vs desire, generational curses, motherhood, the madonna/whore dichotomy and its impotence, and the inevitability of a tragic ending.

they loved each other so deeply because growing up they were each others everything. i honestly think alicent only ever experienced unconditional love with rhaenyra, which is why she clings to the memory of it so desperately, (whereas rhaenyra had aemma perhaps?). alicent and rhaenyra were never without each other in their formative years, and they probably thought they never would be. in some ways they were torn out of each others lives with the same amount of violence and resulting mutilation as aemond losing his eye. they had molded themselves into each others empty spaces, making up for what the other lacked. they're incomplete without each other and deep down they both know that, and its why even after everything, with all the reasons they shouldn't care about each other anymore, they still find themselves desperate for reconcilation. and alicent still wont see rhaenyra dead, even when shes a possibly lethal threat to alicent's family. otto sees the truth of it, forcing alicent to acknowledge it too - even at the peak of their estrangement a world without rhaenyra is a world alicent cant make sense of.

and heres the really delicious part: they're going to destroy each other. its inevitable and it always was, because the world they live in would never have let them do anything else. its the curse of the targaryens meets the curse of westerosi womanhood. idk maybe at this point some people might wonder 'well then why bother having them love each other at all, if it ends with them alone and afraid and hating each other?', but isnt that the point of tragedy? love matters even if it sours. it matters even if it cant save anyone. theres catharsis in acknowledging the cost of human frailty and not doing anything to suggest things should or could have happened differently, but just encouraging us, very simply, to indulge our own ugly, stupid humanity.

the truth is the moment their relationship first truly gripped me was actually episode 6. i loved young alicent and rhaenyra but it was seeing their older versions so at odds with one another in contrast to their past that captured my interest. which is why i feel 'shipping' is just... not the right term for what where my brain is at with them. i feel it implies i want things for them as a pairing that i dont: i dont want them together, i dont want them to be less resentful, or to reconcile, and for all the jokes i dont even want them to be physically intimate. i want them to hate each other and i want them to hate how much they still care, i want it eating them alive, i want them unable to deny it because its the love, grief, and betrayal thats at the root of their resentment.

for me it seems like the reason grrm and the development team okayed this change is because whilst a 'history' book like fire and blood doesnt need an element such as this, the change in format to an intimate portrayal made it almost necessary. rhaenyra and alicents dynamic anchors the plot whilst also critiquing the nature of the shows own source material for its inaccuraces and misogyny. as a result the story of the dance becomes not just a story of targaryen entitlement and the resulting retribution, which i would have been a fan of anyway, but the tragic love story of two women who fell victim not just to the unforgiving nature of the world they were born into, but to their own human frailties. and im honestly just basking in it because this is so much more than i could have hoped for.

so i guess my point is that rhaenicent are barely even a 'couple' to me lmao, im studying them like a live specimen under a microscope and im not afraid to prod them with sharp implements.

[lifeneedsrot]

🌲already outdated.

filthyrottenworm ——> lifeneedsrot

🔭no minors allowed! We dont post much NSFW we just are extremely uncomfortable around minors and want our boundaries respected

🔭hi! We’re the Starship System! There’s 26 of us, one for each letter of the alphabet. We are traumagenic and DIAGNOSED with DiD, and a pro-endogenic former sysmed! We have no real “host” but Maverick fronts the most. We use emojis to represent who’s speaking online. We are anti-harassment and anti-censorship, aka “proship” (even though we barely participate in fandom and don’t actually “ship” anything)! If you’ve got a problem, block us forever, because we will accidentally refollow you.

🥀we tag all posts with the alter’s name and starshipsys

🐰this account is for finding Real friends. We are more open about ourselves on this account and more guarded on our Starshipsys account. If we follow you then we’re open to being Friends.

⚓️no DNI except minors (under 18). We block liberally. Introductions below the cut. Ageless bios are usually blocked, minors always blocked.

Emoji - name - pronouns - headspace age

🧤 - Agate - they/them - 8

Agate exists to promote healthy expression of emotions.

🧤hi. I’m usually sad. Oh apparently that wasn’t enough of an intro I was gonna leave it at that. Um. I like talking to people. I’m kind of stuck in memories of really bad times so I’ll probably talk about bad things that happened a long time ago. I want our system to express our feelings now when we can because we used to never be allowed to. So sometimes I front to tell people what we’re really feeling and be vulnerable and stuff.

🪩 - Boppie - they/them - 21

Boppie exists to have fun and hold our party-loving feelings and maintain our in-person social status.

🪩Hey!!!!!!! I’m TONS of fun, I like dancing, I like being loud, and I like not giving a shit. I’m totally chill. I’m better at in person interactions than online, tbh. I wanna go to a rave and to a bunch of conventions and festivals and parades and honestly if it’s a loud party, I wanna be there. Unforchy maverick says No Never to all my wants and needs, waaaaaahhh. Can’t even drink alcohol. Can’t EVEN have COFFEE. No substances allowed. I’ll prolly talk about wanting to try shit and whine about how nobody lets me have any fun. I like music and singing and sometimes I play around on beepbox to make songs. I’m awful at it lawl but it’s fun!! I can’t survive without constant stimulation, so like, stimulate me. LMAO

♠️ - Cole - he/it - 21

Cole exists as a living manifestation of blades, and guards us from using sharp objects for self-harm or for harming others except to protect.

♠️Hey. I’m not great at talking to people. But I do enjoy conversations. Sometimes. Im a living knife. I used to date Quasi in headspace but I broke up with them after they tried to claw my eye out. To be fair I treated them horribly throughout that relationship. I consider myself a recovered persecutor because of how I used to treat them versus how I am now. I like blades and I’m aroused by blood. But I’m trying to avoid hurting people. I talk about death and mourning because I perceive my Quasi (Quasarinova) to be dead and replaced by the current Quasi (Quasiren). Which is part of the reason why I broke up with them.

🐰 - Daisy - she/any - 7

Daisy represents one half of unconditional love: “be yourself and you’ll be loved as yourself.” She also holds parts of our hypersexuality.

🐰hi!!! I get mad when people try to make us bend to be someone we’re not. And what we are is WEIRD and if you got a problem with that then block us or we’ll block you. I am ICKY and we are ICKY and if you don’t like that then BLOCK US FOREVER!!!!! But if you’re niceys we’re super nice c: !!! I love Tazzy and my little pony and sometimes I say everypony instead of everybody. WE SHOULD PLAY PONY TOWN TOGETHER. I can show you aaaall our ponies!!! We got one for every one of us. So 26 ponies. They’re the best representation of our headspace appearance for now. I like Disney movies I think but I haven’t seen many

🔭 - Estella - they/she - 21

Estella holds our love for technology and indie videogames, but their purpose is mainly to promote in-sys relationships and take care of the emotional needs of other alters by matchmaking.

🔭Hi!!! I hope we can be friends :3 I like Slay the Princess right now!! I’m a forever fan of minecraft and spore. In-sys relationships are extremely important to us, so I’ll probably talk a lot about that. Haven and I are girlfriends! Tazelein and Daisy are something… Starbound is starting to forgive Kakxyl, so they might get back together! Present and Cole might be together someday but neither of them are ready yet and I don’t want to pressure them. Maverick and Quasi are taking it slow, too. The XYZ primordials are forever married soulmates in a poly triangle or whatever. Whenever my headmates start to get along really well, I get ecstatic and front to happy ramble about it! I’m hoping I can take care of all of our emotional needs by setting alters up with each other. It’s to avoid codependency. Also, I made our headspace in minecraft! We should play minecraft together! If I can figure out how to make it work… also the proportions in our minecraft world are a little off.

🐁 - Fobi - it/she - adolescent

Fobi holds the “flee” stress response and its purpose is to run away when we are in danger.

🐁if I front its a bad sign. I only front when we’re in danger or if someone forces me to front. I exist only to run and I am in a constant state of fear. Estella wants me to not be in a constant state of fear but I don’t know what that would be like. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. I want to survive. I want to survive at all costs and I will do whatever we need to do to survive. We’re nothing more than a frightened animal. But I can be strategic, too. I recognize what is needed. I will put the most necessary alter in front, and sometimes that’s me, to run. Sometimes it’s someone else, like Starbound, to fight.

🦇 - Grim - it/its - adolescent

Grim holds the “fawn” stress response and its purpose is to adore and dote on people to prevent us from being hurt by them or to prevent them from leaving us.

🦇hi… I don’t know what to say… I’m also not very good at talking… I want more friends though. Do I have to write more? Okay… I want to be hurt. My description up there is a little weird. I’m not sure I like it. I don’t prevent people from hurting me. I… make myself very available to be hurt… because we need it. We need people to be around us more than we need anything else… and people hurt the people they’re around… so we have to be okay with being hurt. More than okay. I learned to love it. So please, if it’s the only thing that’ll keep you from leaving, hurt me. I’m more afraid of being alone than anything else…

🌺 - Haven - she/he - 21

Haven exists to express genuine love and care for our friends, family, and partners.

🌺Send us asks!!! Talk to me!!! Say hello!!!! Be our friend!!!! I promise we’re way nicer than you think. We don’t bite! Except some of us do bite. And I’ll bite if you ASK me to bite. But mostly we don’t bite. I usually talk about the people we love! Our friends! I hope you can become one of our friends, too. Because we have a severe friendship deficit.

✏️ - Indigo - they/them - 12

Indigo holds our hopes, dreams, and interests from Middle School.

✏️I LOVE STARSET AND WINGS OF FIRE. Those are my two favoritest things ever, especially wings of fire. I could talk about wings of fire forever. I write wings of fire fanfics. I also LOVE undertale and deltarune!!! I want to make a really cool indie game but I don’t think I have the skills to, so I stick to writing stories where I KNOW I can do it. I am good at writing but I almost never get past the prewriting stages. I also like reading fantasy stories. Sometimes. We haven’t read a good series in forever. We like Tamora Pierce’s books though! We’re not caught up on everything though. We also draw and are trying to draw a portrait of every one of us!

🎊 - Jynx - she/any - ageless

Jynx holds narcissism and a God complex. Her purpose is to hold insecurity that is expressed as superiority.

🎊fuck that description, I’m literally awesome. Anyway. I’m actually a god, for realsies. I’m the best thing ever. You should bow down and worship me. I’m not insecure. I’m genuinely awesome. Okay, that sounds insecure. I’m serious. Kakxyl is my dad, Lynx is my brother, Present is sort of my sister because it was raised alongside me. My dad is literally beyond godhood. He ascended so many times it’s like unbelievable. And im going to rule the world one day, so you should get on my good side.

🍠 - Kakxyl - he/any - eternal

Kakxyl’s role is to help other alters change their roles.

🍠Greetings. I like breaking people out of patterns of thought. There is not much for me to say. I am an ancient being, technically older than the primordials, and I may never truly die. However, death is merely a transformation into something else, and I shall always be an entity of transformation. The end of one thing is the beginning of another. I change, and I end, and I transform, as all things do, though my consciousness may remain uninterrupted, I experience slow and continuous death through change. All entities must die throughout their lives, many times. All creatures must transform through time. You are not the same you as you were yesterday. You will be someone else tomorrow. As stable as you view your identity to be, you transform as much as any other entity. You die. You have died. You will die. You are always dying. And you are always reborn.

🫐 - Lynx - he/any - ageless

Lynx holds the “freeze” stress response and will front when there are too many emotions vying to be expressed at once.

🫐I once had no voice, but now I can speak. Or type, I guess. Hm. What to say about myself. I want to learn fencing. I know how to wield a sword in headspace, but front body doesn’t. We also need to learn more ASL. I usually front because I’m emotionally numb in comparison to the others. So I front when the others are too emotional to make rational decisions.

⚓️ - Maverick - they/he - 21

Maverick is the captain of the system and makes the final call on all decisions, as well as the “host” who fronts the most.

⚓️damn this is a weird intro post. Why did we do it like this. Anyway I’m as close to host as we have. I’m the captain. I make the final call on all important decisions. I like boats. Front body never learned to swim, so we need to do that before we can go out on the water. I want to travel. I want to visit all fifty states and a few other countries. We’re from USA if you couldn’t tell.

🍥 - Nyan - he/she - 6

Nyan holds innocent childlike interests and emotions that we were unable to express when we were physically a child.

🍥Hi! I love making friends and talking to people and candy and legos. Hehe I am friends with daisy and agate. I like kitties and I named myself after Nyan cat. Meow :3!!!!!! I want to play minecraft and get super good at it and also I like the sims 3 and 4 but only with the pets pack added for kitties and spore and I like ummm lots of things! I used to collect littlest pet shops but I donno where they went. I like running in circles but front body is too tired all the time for that. I like stuffies and I like cuddles. I like ice cream also.

🚀 - Oscar - he/him - adult

Oscar’s role is to push people away to protect the system from being hurt by others.

🚀I don’t trust easily. If you do earn my trust, don’t break it. I do hold a grudge. I personally think our system would be safest alone, without dealing with outsiders. But everyone else is pretty convinced we can’t be happy alone.

🩵 - Present - she/it - adult

Present’s role is to mourn our lost relationships, but hold hope that we can heal.

🩵I hope you’re not off-put by all the strange introductions. We’re trying to reach outside our comfort zone to make more friends. So, hello. Don’t be shy, please. I think an important part of healing is opening ourselves up to form new friendships. We’ve been hurt a lot. We’ve hurt people, too. Our ex partner system accused us of grooming them because we were 19 and they were 17. It was a horribly toxic and abusive relationship for both systems, but we’re not a groomer, and we didn’t deserve thousands of people persecuting us online. A lot of our system feels like we’ll never be able to move past that relationship. It was such a defining part of our identity, and then our entire community was ripped away from us in one motion when we were cancelled off of that website. But we’re ready to rebuild.

🥀 - Quasiren - they/them - 18

Quasiren intends to create intimacy, friendships, and bonds. They hold the hope that we can still form meaningful relationships.

🥀Come be our friend!!! It’s necessary. Important. We’re genuinely very kind and nice and really like making friends. Okay, we’re a little desperate and a lot lonely. But I promise we’re waaaaaay friendshaped. So, what are you waiting for? You know you want to say hi. You know you want to become our best friend forever! We’re total sweethearts.

🥩 - Raptorse - it/its - adult

Raptorse is just there to make sure we don’t starve to death or develop an eating disorder.

🥩I’m just here to eat. We’re an animal. Animals need to eat. We get too hungry, I front. I eat. I chomp. I bite. I’ll even eat you. Not always good at talking. Sometimes words get mangled and grammar too. Especially when I need to do my job. Just a primal urge when that happens. All animals need is food, water, shelter. All animals need do is shit, piss, eat, sleep, fuck. Some animals don’t even need fuck. We need to get rid of urges but not really need another animal to deal with that. Maverick is saying I overshare. Don’t care. Survival is priority. Not nobody’s feelings about shit we do. Gnaw my way out if needed.

🎆 - Starbound - she/any - ageless

Starbound is the “fight” stress response and represents a need for justice.

🎆don’t piss me off and we’ll get along fine. But if you do piss me off, well. I’m not afraid to burn bridges the way the rest of these soft bitches are. I get mad real easy. And I get real fucking mad. Basically, if you’re talking and I front, you done something to piss us off big time. I hate injustice.

🪱 - Tazelein - he/any - ageless

Tazelein holds hypersexuality and the other half of unconditional love: “in order to love someone, you must love them as they are, not as how you want them to be.”

🪱hiiiiiii cutie~!!!! I like tearing people apart. Yes, I do mean tearing. Ripping them to sinewy shreds. Red ribbons and white fragments, squishy bits of organs strewn about. And then I like putting them back together. And I want you to be aware for all of it. Unfortunately, I can’t do that in front, humans die too easily, and front body isn’t strong enough to keep them alive. I can still get creative with what I do and keep you alive. Humans are also fairly resilient. If you’d like to be torn to shreds, or whatever adjacent thing I come up with, come say hiiiii~~ don’t be shy!!! Or do, it might be cute. Oh, is this not a normal way to introduce myself? Oops, ahehehe.

🕊️ - Utopia - they/any - ageless

Utopia holds our fascination with spirituality, religion, and the occult. Their role is to ponder the mechanisms of spirituality.

🕊️we are a somewhat spiritual system. We believe that when we were younger, we were connected to spirits that would grant our wishes so long as we were good to them. We also believe these same spirits granted us visions, but that we have lost connection with our spirits. We seek to regain our connection. We also believe all souls are interconnected in a massive web, and that travel between them is possible. Yes, I am referring to syshopping. We experienced syshopping firsthand with our aforementioned ex partner system that accused us of grooming them. I would like to regain a similar spiritual link with someone, not necessarily syshopping as I’m not certain we may ever achieve that again, but we also had friends who we shared dreams with, and I believe with enough closeness and common spirituality this may be achieved again.

🦠 - Vitriol - it/its - adult

Vitriol’s role is to prevent other people from being hurt by us by any means necessary.

🦠we’re not worth befriending. Reread Tazelein’s intro. Do you think someone who would say that is safe to befriend? Stay away from us. We have been abusive in the past. I don’t know if we still are, but it’s not worth the risk.

🕸️ - Webber - they/any - ageless

Webber holds our abandonment issues, and has the role of building and maintaining trust of others.

🕸️hello there :}. You’ve been reading for an awfully long time, haven’t you? I appreciate it. If you bothered reading this far, please say hello. We likely won’t message first. Most of us are too shy for that; we assume that you don’t want a message out of the blue. Ah, I should introduce myself. I’m Webber, a deity of trust. There’s nothing I value more than the trust of others.

🔥 - Xray - he/xe - primordial

Xray represents the current time and destruction. Xis role is to end or finish things, or get things over with. He does things nobody wants to do.

🔥once we are close enough with someone, we will have a boundaries conversation. We currently have 7 major boundaries, but may add more if necessary. After the boundaries conversation, we may decide to share our simplyplural with you. Any attempt to rush these two events before we’re ready will be perceived as a yellow flag and cause us to be wary of you.

🌲 - Yarrow - they/it/yey - primordial

Yarrow represents the past time and transformation. Its role is to help people see parts of themselves they hadn’t yet seen.

🌲hello. I don’t have much to add. I like writing about the alters of our system. Most of our simplyplural entries are authored by me, including the sentence description that’s written below each of our names in this introduction, which was taken from part of our simplyplural. We will share it when we are ready to share it.

🌊 - Zenith - ze/zer - primordial

Zenith represents the future time and creation. Zer role is to start new things and promote seeking out new pleasurable experiences.

🌊haiiiiiii!!!!! I’m kind of the mom of the system. But like, in a really fun and hot way. I like building people up! I also like making things. Which sometimes includes alters. We currently are maxed out at 26, but we might expand in the future, it’s getting a little tight in here.

[system-of-a-feather]

My writing partner and childhood best friend, during a real talk hours, asked me: "I scare me tho. You're not scared. Why? Do you trust yourself?" following a kinda DID kinda whole self chatter

And I was thinking about it today this morning going to work. And an hour or two of thinking about it as a whole (Fei)

It both refers to "me and my parts" both as a system and as a single person in a more IFS manner

----

"Thinking about this while doing work and driving this morning some

And honestly, its because I think I deserve to be trusted, given patience, and unconditional love even when I am being the most disruptive shit and acting out because I've already been given too much distrust, abandonment and conditional love in my life to be giving that to myself

I deeply want to be better than every adult has been to me and I want to give myself the warmth I never got

And removing all the details of DID and sitting with myself as a whole, thats what I feel

I dont need a reason to trust myself other than that I deserve to be given a real unconditional chance by someone to be loved and supported, and even if I've tried to sabotage and ruin my own life, I trust that somewhere even in that version of me, there was just someone trying to live, be happy, feel safe, and be loved

Even if I dont look like I need it.

Even if Id cackle at death and enjoy being isolated and on top

Even the most sadistic asshole parts of me could use some unconditional love, support and trust towards being happy

Id put a blindfold on and let them walk me into a volcano cause Id rather die being wrong about unconditionally loving and supporting myself than to abandon myself and force myself to appear in a specific way to be loved like almost everyone else in my life did

I dont know all of my parts, I have / had so many dissociated parts I couldnt control that I couldnt realistically count then

But ALL of them, I trust and think deserve the world

Because theyve all been through enough because theyre all me

And I deserve the world and Ive been through enough

------

Followed by a redacted part I wrote for him and about him, but a thing I felt was worth sharing to the general public

"You deserve a chance to live a life not doomed by the plot and you deserve to have that trust and support [to change the narrative you've been given]"

[goodfully]

ahh okay truthfully, as much as i like tumblr i still feel really awkward with it... goodness i feel like an old person that doesnt know how to use social media hfkehfm (like tagging? such an easy way to organize things! but i dont intend to "help ppl find your post" hahaha) but i like rambling to myself a little too much, into a void-like non-void?

anyway i just wanted to talk to myself again about upcoming reading plans hehe! i have about six weeks left before i leave my books and move out for grad school, and its going to be a really busy six weeks too. im really hoping i can finish reading hermann hesse, steppenwolf and elena ferrante, neapolitan novels!!! ahh but i read quite slow and its likelier that i wont be able to finish five books during this time, esp when my brains extra dead and messy while im packing or being with family members. i really hope so tho!!!

hhfh about steppenwolf... only read the authors note so far and ahhhh!!! hesse said that altho anyone can interpret what they read the way they want to, he hopes that his readers wouldnt misunderstand that this book is about man despairing, but rather that it is about man healing and believing. god god god i love hesse i actually havent read that many books by him yet, but im just so excited to finally read this one!!!

okies so i only just finished reading the brothers karamazov today (!!!) but ahh!!!!! seriously my favorite book ever. i wish i had actual words to say about it, now that ive actually finished reading it, but. ah.. words! i really love it a lot and theres just so many lines i wish to never forget. my goodness, the ivan monologues, zosima chapters, and ending speeches at the end of the trial...!!! theyll all forever be with me! ahh theres really too much to say, i think if i wanted to id need to pick one of the many many things from the book in order to talk about it more. i honestly want to bring this book along with me when i move but its so heavy hfjsjf and i have very limited space in the suitcase</3

i think reading about religion and god and everything in general does drive me a bit crazy. from what i know of dostoevsky (very little hahaha), he struggled with faith and believing in god before being a more devout christian. maybe thats why i liked tbk so much. i was just talking about it with my friend earlier! ive.. never been religious growing up but i still have that childish dream wishing that i was. my dads parents were christian and my moms family is daoist, but neither of my parents pushed anything on me, tbh they both didnt have really strong beliefs either. but still now i wish i just had full belief and trust in god, any god or deity.. just please let me believe in anything really. drives me insane. how can you have undeniable, unconditional divine love? i do wish i understood it so well that im able to love everything, but it frustrates me so much that no matter how much im trying to understand it, im not. and i think my interest in philosophy has more to do with figuring out what and how to believe than id like to admit.

i hope no one else sees/reads this but i also kinda hope someone does and gives me book recommendations... books that make me feel like i did during the zosima chapters hahaha

[endearingfascination]

Ello ello ello! I just wanted to say thank you for the nice comment you left on the Good Omens Comic (the vavoom one) I posted on my sideblog ^^ I was so nervous about writing their characters so you saying I nailed it really made my day :D sorry if this is a weird ask, i dont know how to use tumblr lol

OMG i’m so glad you saw!! yeah i really do feel like your writing choices in that comic were wonderfully consistent with their characterization in the show, in ways i feel a lot of people in the fandom overlook in terms of their character. i especially liked the part where aziraphale explains, “do you think I would ever choose to leave you? I needed to keep you safe— keep us safe” because you hit on the point that for aziraphale, it wasn’t a choice to go to heaven, it was give me coffee or give me death; a choice between a terrible thing and death is not a choice at all. he never wanted to leave him; he just felt that he didn’t have a choice.

and then the kicker was when he started to say “i- i wanted to do / the right thing” and crowley embraced him, because THAT’S a take i don’t see often but in my understanding is so crucial to understanding their love for each other— from how i see that final fifteen minutes, crowley understood the whole time that this is who aziraphale is, someone who can’t back down from a fight if he knows there’s a chance he can change things, if there’s a chance he can help people and alleviate suffering. he’s an angel— he had to do the right thing. he can’t turn a blind eye, not when there was a chance he could change their circumstances. he had to try. and crowley knew this, even as he begged aziraphale to choose to stay, tempted him with everything he’d lose, desperately tried to get him to be selfish, to let himself be happy. and he knew everything he did would be futile, because that selflessness, that optimism, that bastardry, that stubborn hope is what made crowley fall in love with him in the first place. he loves him for that, for being so himself, even though it makes him angry sometimes. so when you wrote crowley to say “i know. you always do.” i was so happy because yes!! he understands, he always understood, and he forgives him, and he loves him!!

it’s also great you showed him saying “i totally am, yeah! furious!” and now this is just my interpretation of what you drew, but i like to think he’s not mad at all anymore because aziraphale came back and that is enough for him, but to keep his dignity as if he’s not a total simp he says he’s totally mad, “but you said you needed help?” because he completely and utterly forgives him, and is all in on being there for aziraphale and helping him. unconditional love babey!!!

and then i just love the callback you made with “i love you.” “you wot?” because that is GENIUS!! and would be such an awesome and poignant callback to the beginning of their story. and then the connection to how crowley said they’d always been pretending, so aziraphale called back to it and said “i would like to stop pretending that i don’t [love you]” because THATS SO COOL, it shows that aziraphale heard him when he said that, and he knew that crowley was right, and he loves him.

this just became an appreciation post of that comic haha, it really is fantastic!!

[goose33313]

Byler when Byler for Byler

Screw a Byler kiss, I need a hug that is so heart wrenching, so gut twisting, so painful to watch that im throwing up crying, i need them to hold onto each other for dear life and cry and never want to let go, never want to lose each other again. I want them to be in separate groups for a battle and before they leave, i need them to cry so fucking hard and UGH i need them to be in pain but like. Live happily ever after. I CANNOT WAIT for my baby Mike to be so scared of leaving Will, I need tears n shit. I need “I love you”. I NEED “Youre my heart, Will. Youre my heart.”. I need a bad fight. I need Will to scream at Mike. I NEED THIS. I need MIKE I NEED MY BABY MIKE TO CRY AND I NEED HIM TO BE LOVED AND LOVE OTHERS AND I NEED HIM TO KNOW UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I need them to love each other. A kiss is great but HAVE WE THOUGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. I need them to find each other across the battlefield. I need El to talk to Mike. I need Mike to talk to El. I need them to cry together. I need them to heal. I need Mike to comfort El and El to comfort Mike. To tell him it is okay. It is not wrong. I NEED MIKE AND EL TO LOVE EACH OTHER THE WAY THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO. I need Mike to go to Will and tell him that he loves him. I NEED MY BABY WILL TO HEAR THAT FROM MIKE. They can kiss. Yes. BUT I NEED THAT EVERYTHING ELSE. I’m going crazy thinking about the discovery for them. Yeah, they’ll know that they love each other. But when they learn together what that is? Im gonna die. I need them. To be in love and not just kiss like Malnutrition did. Bitch that wasn’t even love. Byler is the definition of love. And they always will be. They are the heart. Without heart, the world would fall apart. Literally. The world will end if these gays dont confess their love for one onther. The upside down will win unless my boys be gay and be in love gay. Homosexuality yo, Saving the world. If Byler is not done beautifully, flawlessly, tearfully next season I will cause the real life, real world apocalypse. Thank you.

[semi-imaginary-place]

What was the quote of sasuke comparing his feelings for naruto as praying??? I think I missed it! chapter 699! ‘I think it’s the same as praying’ How could you FORGET that they were each others first kiss!!! A fact that naruto reiterated anytime the subject of kissing girls is brought up!!!!!!!! Even sasuke thinks of it as his first kiss. Unfuckinbelievable I FORGOT SO MANY THINGS. how could i forget naruto learning his wind can magnify fire but best lightning and immediately going so i’m a perfect match for sasuke?? it was 4am and i was word vomiting i have so many regrets They are so In love, everything you mentioned Is all what lovers feel & Naruto wanting to die with Sasuke Is something a lover will do. Because It’s admitting that he cannot live without Sasuke, he would rather die with him than live.  Also while they are laying with their arms blown off, the blood looks like a incomplete heart.  Naruto’s love for Sasuke Is so unconditional & pure. Sasuke adores Naruto, he was just fighting It. The way Sasuke stares at Naruto ….. After the final battle, was so tender, so soft & his smile! Melted my heart knowing Sasuke doesn’t show these emotions much, but with Naruto he can’t help to! Naruto Is his sunshine, & Sasuke Is Naruto’s everything.

#gets home from long journey *sighs* sasuke#looking up into the night sky after training all day *sighs* sasuke#finds out your element :) me and sasuke wouldve paired well :)#it's tough for a seasoned duo to combine jutsu and they did it on their first try im crying and throwing up#anime sasuke content being dead then naruto disappeared and he freaked out#he literally walks into his dusty ass room in konoha looks at the picture of kakashi sakura Sasuke and him and says im home sasuke#like what shit was kishimoto smoking this is a gay love story

im just repeating op at this point but Naruto and Sasuke are so gay. naruto really just can’t leave sasuke alone. Naruto is so gay his only image of a hot girl is himself with boobs but when he tries to picture hot dudes he perfectly replicates details of half a dozen men. And whatever he has going on with sasuke. Im never reading boruto but i do think its funny how everyone says naruto and sasuke have more chemistry with each other in it then they have with their actual wives, that they married. Sakura deserves better someone free her from this franchise. and i dont think sasuke notices that women exist, he has less than 0 interest in women.

and in ch 693 we get sasuke once again not noticing that sakura exists while she begs and cries for him (someone free sakura of kishimoto's bad writing), and then 6 pages later its about how sasuke’s entire life has been about his strong love fueling his strong hate and how hagoromo hopes that naruto’s going to turn all that hate back into love.

They escape to their own dreamworld to have a heart to heart which is induced from the homoeroticism of physical contact via fighting to the death. You see the thing is that sasuke treasures naruto soo much as his closest and only friend (at this point being an international wanted terrorist does that to normal people with boundaries) that its the last and most important bond he needs to break to be alone because thats what it means to be hokage (i told you he was stupid). And naruto refuses to die and leave sasuke alone. Sasuke's next plan is to die (Sasuke truly makes the most well thought out plans /s) but naruto refuses to let his friend die.

ch 698 man… we get Sasuke’s admission that Naruto made him remember love. When he saw Naruto as a kid desperate for attention it brought to mind the warmth of family while also simultaneously reminding Sasuke of the loss of his family. We also finally get the admission that as much as Naruto empathized with Sasuke’s pain and was compelled to help him, Sasuke too also empathized with Naruto’s pain.

So they're having this post orgasm cuddle and talk sesh because they're both too tired too move (also bloodloss) about your pain is my pain and when you're in pain it hurts so much i cant leave you alone. And then they reflect on and confess how each was the other's most important person and their shared parallel childhoods. Sasuke says naruto reminded him of his family (aka his driving force in the story and the single thing most important to him). A lot of i was alone and lonely but a little less so knowing you were around. I should say that this is after the two of them blew each other and are actually dying of bloodloss and the blood splatter from their missing arms forms a heart and makes it look like they're holding hands even as their blood mixes together.

the lover's suicide pact… I will never get over the lover's suicide pact. Naruto really said i'd rather die with you so that we can be together in the next life free of your hatred/burdens/grief/trauma than fulfill my dreams of becoming hokage in this life without you. I'll receive all your hatred so you'll be free of it. Naruto was willing to die for Sasuke but wanted them to both live beyond their pain, hatred, loneliness, and grief. Together they broke that cycle of hatred.

This isnt to mention the symbolism. As they fight the statues of madara and hashirama ie the og gay divorcees (naruto and sasuke are also their reincarnations) collapse in such a way that the statues' hands are touching and overlapping to form the sign/seal of reconciliation/union which is the konoha way of ending a friendly spar and saying everything is ok between us two comrades. And sasuke and naruto are having their heart to heart while bleeding out right on top of the statues crossed hands. So they were able to achieve what madara and hashirama the mystical founders of konoha were never able to in their lifetimes. Madara and hashirama were not able to reconcile until they were resurrected as magic zombies (dont think too hard). Nor were Indra and Ashura able to reconcile, but Naruto and Sasuke did they were able to make the sea of reconciliation.

Additionally they get cute matching sun and moon marks (right hand naruto, left hand sasuke) to represent one soul split into two between them. And the arms they blew up were the two marked arms which they blew up when those two hand met in a giant attack. There's also a lot of NARUUTOOOOO! SASUUKEEEE! And they cry about how much they mean to each other. The entire fight is one giant reference to the earlier fight in the same location, valley of the end at the end of part 1 which is probably the 2nd gayest moment in the manga (1st in this fight). Theres also earlier how naruto has been chasing Sasuke across the continent for 2 years and begs for sasuke life multiple times (internationally wanted terrorist who went after the kages and their families), like on his knees forehead to the ground begs for sasuke's life and also takes a beating for sasuke after people are rightly mad that sasuke's become an international terrorist. And dont forget the time naruto had a literal panic attack at the thought of a kill order being put out for sasuke and him possible having to choose between konoha and sasuke and of course his answer is he'll have both.

and even in part 1 Sasuke and Naruto are just so normal about each other, Naruto goes feral and threatens Sasuke with breaking all his bones to keep him from leaving. Naruto was so desperate for Sasuke to acknowledge him, he didn't want anyone else. naruto and sasuke didn’t actually spend all that long being friends. it was a few months maybe a year that team 7 was a thing (anime filler arcs dont count) sure they knew each other existed at the academy but kishimoto added a lot of that in later chapters. but that short time fundamentally changed both of them and guided their lives for the rest of the manga like they obsess over each other for like 4 years through to the end of shippuden despite maybe having only like 1.5 conversations in shippuden at the bridge and while fighting madara. totally normal friend behavior. there’s definitely something with there’s two, i don’t think its necessarily romantic/sexual but there’s some level of attraction platonic or otherwise constantly drawing these two together.

and when sasuke first reunites with with naruto, half hugs him, whispers in his ear, and then pulls a sword out on him. Completely heterosexual behavior. Only the sluttiest shirt and the most intricate of rituals for naruto.

sns is so fucking unhinged and nobody will ever be them i’m sorry. you start the series and it’s like oh haha look at these goofy angsty rivals! they hate each other! then sasuke dies for naruto thirty chapters in giving up his dream of revenge and naruto goes batshit insane. now you’re like ah they’re friends i guess that’s cute! and sasuke is trying to kill naruto because he’s the most important person in his life which is . ok and it becomes the driving force of everything or something. sasuke leaves and naruto dedicates the rest of his life to bringing him back and you’re still a casual fan so ur like he’s doing it for the promise right? then orochimaru says sasuke is his and naruto goes batshit insane feral homicidal (again) and after that sasuke reappears and they have ??? like five different panels dedicated to them staring at each other??? and he jumps off a mountain and hugs naruto for some reasons just to whisper some gay shit in his ear kishimoto frankly needs to be jailed drawing this and keep that best friend nonsense going. anyways. you have sasuke become a convicted terrorist to which the normal people response is “ok we need to hunt him down” and when naruto learns they’re gonna hunt him down he starts screaming crying throwing up he has a panic attack he can’t breathe he’s falling in the snow he gets on his knees and begs them to spare his BFF. after having a meltdown over the thought of sasuke dying what may possibly be the natural coping mechanism any stable person would adapt? of course realising that if sasuke dies he can die too. so he sees sasuke again and after he attempts murdering sakura twice and expresses the intent to murder kakashi he’s like. i will bear the burden of your hatred and die with you hehe and if we both die you won’t be an uchiha and i won’t be the jinchuuriki to the nine tails and we’ll be able to understand each other better in a different lifetime! WE’LL MEET AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE BECAUSE NOT EVEN DEATH CAN DO US PART! and sasuke (just as insane as him) doesn’t even flinch he’s like what the fuck is wrong with you but then ok let’s fuckingggf die together on my god i will kill your first anyways . then they find out they are soulmates and get cute matching tattoos on their hands and decide to fight to the death once more because sasuke is back on his i will shoulder all the hatred of the world alone and i need to kill you because i love you more than anyone else in the world actually you’re the only person i love so you need to DIE and naruto is like I WILL NOT LET YOU SHOULDER THAT HATRED ALONE I WILL FREE YOU FROM THE PAIN and they fight and despite all the whatever weapons used in the war it’s a fuckinggg fistfight in which just as sasuke is about to inflict what he thinks is the last blow says “farewell… my one and only…………………. (very long pause to accentuate how heteronormative this next word is gonna be) FRIEND” and fucking stops using his sharingan because not even then he can record the image of naruto dying especially by his hand but naruto STOPS HIM LIKE A f cHAMP and they end up blowing each other’s arms off (rip the matchies) and as they’re bleeding to the fucking death sasuke is like you’re the only person that has never tried to severe their ties with me why do you go so far for me and naruto from the depths of comphet hell is like because you’re my FRIEND and sasuke being absolutely done with this bullshit is like ok what the fuck does that mean to you then and this is where it gets even gayer and relatable because naruto is like i don’t KNOW i just know that when you hurt i hurt and i just can’t take it and isn’t that the most gay experience thing ever? naruto knows what it feels like to have friends but what he feels for sasuke is so bone deep and unconventional that he cannot make sense of it and can only describe the pain it brings. after that sasuke CRIES LIKE THEYVE GOT ME SOOO FUCKED UP but you know what got me even more fucked up?

naruto waking up bloodied and battered and half alive with one arm missing but still wondering if that was heaven because sasuke was next to him. sasuke looking so happy and peaceful when saying “i lost” as a stark contrast to him looking and feeling like half of his body was being torn apart when he “won” against naruto in vote1 and left him. the bitterness of victory vs the sweetness of losing if you will. AND HIM COMPARING WHAT HE FEELS FOR NARUTO TO PRAYING MY GODD. did i forget to mention that then we learn that Ohhh it was never a stupid shallow rivalry as we all thought! they have actually been watching each other from afar since they were little freshly traumatised children and have longed to hold each other’s hands since then! what was it sasukeeee you felt warm and fuzzy when you saw naruto to thought of it as a weakness? these two are so astronomically hopelessly desperately obsessed in love with each other it’s ridiculous i’ve had ENOUGH free me from this mental prison

[thatoneweirdo14]

getting sentimental on main for a sec (my emotions are everywhere today 😭). im so grateful i have people in my life that make me feel normal. Ik "normal" is a very stigmatised term but i mean it as in i don't feel wrong for being myself. I have weird quirks and traits that would probably annoy most people (hence why i dont use them around people im not incredibly comfortable with) but they don't love me any less for it and im so so grateful everyday i wake up and every night i sleep because i know there are people that don't have that and it fucking sucks it should be a human right or something to have this kind of unconditional love but that's why im so grateful, i never let myself forgey that i'm lucky to have this. Sometimes it's the only thing keeping me going and and im so fucking grateful. Oomfs that consistently show up in my notifs, people who leave regular kudos and comments on my fics, irls and online friends that never fail to make me forget about that dread in my chest just by being near me, i love all of you. As someone who has very recently learnt to be more sociable and even more recently learnt that I'm allowed to want things for myself, thank you for letting me take up space in your life. I know I say things that are :// sometimes but I know you know I never meant to hurt you. Thank you for having me near you when I don't even want to be near myself sometimes. I love you :]