#i never get writers block god bless (<- currently has art block)

[rottmnt-residuum]

the asks will be scheduled for halloween, but it's greatly appreciated if you send them before then -> Co-Authors Ask Box <-

[adventuretolkienlover]

IMPORTANT: ON HIATUS. SORRY. :( We'll be back soon!

Hello internet people! Call me JP! I'm currently on "vacation" at the moment. (IRL stuff is rough.😭) But I hope to be back soon! A pinned post update will also come when I do return as well. But this is what I have for now.

I'm a writer, artist, a Christian, Tangled and Scooby Doo fanatic, and fun local weirdo! I love supporting my besties and making and Rebloging fun stuff for y'all to enjoy!

So I hope you enjoy this blog and the content it provides.

But first! Some house rules and regulations! And What I've got to offer. It's all Below the cut! Please read.

1: This blog is kept mostly G-PG and family friendly! No dirty language or inappropriate topics! HOWEVER, I can't control what other people say, so unless it has warnings in the title, post, or introduction, PLEASE check the tags. I can't guarantee that reblogs and comments won't have cussing and other triggering stuff. So if you're young, please be mindful.

2: I'm an artist and writer. So I will post homemade content here! But please do not repost art or writing without permission. Reblogs and likes are just fine though! And so are comments as long as they are respectful!

3: This blog is a safe place. So please no cyber bullying! We can all respect each other. Conversation and discussion is okay though! Just like in point number 2, keep it respectful! Any and all Cyber Bullies and Hate Commenters will be blocked for the safety of the blog's followers.

ASKS: Here's the rules for the asks!

Anonymous asks are OFF. You have to be okay with your blog being seen. No exceptions. It's just so I know who's talking to me.

Any and all hate mailers will be blocked, and reported. I won't read or answer any hate mail either.

Nothing inappropriate or sexual. This is big one! I do not do anything with this kind of stuff. Never! So a big no no! If you do send something like this in, you are at risk of me blocking you.

Please no cussing or rude language. This is only because my blog is kept G-PG and I try my best to keep all content that way. Family Friendly is my motto!😁 You're more likely to get your ask posted if you don't cuss. So please, no dirty language.

I might not be able to or want to answer every ask. Please keep that in mind.

No requests! At all! Unless I have a post stating that I'm accepting them. There will be a post stating when they are closed afterward as well. So please make sure before sending in any.

I don't answer questions that touch on sensitive info on me. This is just basic internet safety. That doesn't mean you can't ask questions about me though! Here's an example. (Good Questions: What's your favorite color?/What kind of movies do you like?) (Bad Questions: What you're phone number?/Where do you live?)

I love getting asks about my art and writing. So don't be afraid to ask questions about it! Send them in! They're some of my favorite things to talk about! Just know that I will probably info dump to you.😂

Here's my Side Blog. It's kinda dead currently. I had a hard time updating everyday. But there's lots of clean memes posted there already!

FANFIC LIST: Here's a list of all my fics so far. It will get longer eventually.

VAT7K Alchemy Bros AU:

The Journey's Just Begun (Chapter 1: Epilogue and a Prelude)

The Journey's Just Begun (Chapter 2: Home at Last!)

The Journey's Just Begun (Chapter 3: Good Impressions)

Chicken Troubles

Blood Brothers

Varian's First Lab Partner (Short Story)

Ruddigar's Surprise! (Mother's Day Special!)

Sick Days (Sicktember 2023)

Alright! That's all for now! Have a nice day! And God Bless! ❤️��️❤️

[iamakiller]

Phase 2

Killer Charlie is no more.  Or rather, he is changing ...

I am now a work in progress; a rough draft of the person I hope to become.  

I cannot alter the past, nor erase my actions, but I can try to do better.  

It is all any of us can hope to do, I think.

About Me:

I am a 30-40 year old man, recently retired from a fairly successful career as a theater director on and off Broadway.  I am divorced, with an eight year-old son named Henry, and am now based on the West Coast for the foreseeable future. I am truly blessed to have a wonderful, supportive, forgiving wife @direnightshade, who is expecting our first child.  I have recently begun attending therapy on a regular basis, in the hope that it will help me process my traumatic upbringing, and fully correct some objectionable behaviors I developed as a result.

This Blog:

This is a space for me to share my thoughts and my writing, if and when I choose to do so.  I am always pleased to receive Asks and Messages, and do endeavor to respond to them in as timely a manner as possible.  I am currently rather interested in the idea of collaborating with some of you through Role Playing, though I have never tried it before, so perhaps I will not be any good at it ...

Up until now, this blog has been rather a free-for-all.  However, if you have read and understood all of the above, I am sure you can appreciate that there must now be some sort of order.  I have prepared something of an FAQ below the cut.  Please read it carefully, and do let me know if there’s anything you wish for me to clarify, or if there is a question I should add to the list.

Thank you for your support so far, and your infinite patience.  I look forward to beginning this next phase of my time here on Tumblr.

FAQ

Can I send you an Ask? 

Yes, absolutely.  Asks on virtually any topic are welcomed and encouraged, but please be mindful of my status as a soon-to-be-married man and do not try to tempt me with your wiles.  Anon stays on because I know that some of you are shy, but be warned that anything I receive is liable to be responded to in the way I see fit.

Do you respond to Messages?

I do.  In fact, Messages are likely to be responded to more rapidly than Asks.  Due to their private and more casual nature, it is far easier for me to write a quick reply.  As long as you are not trying to seduce me, I will happily converse with you, and I daresay you will find me quite different to what you were expecting.

Will you Role Play with me?  What kind of Role Play will you engage in?

There are some wonderful writers out there, and I would love to collaborate with you!  Some of you have already reached out to me, and I am looking forward to getting started.  Should anyone wish to engage in Role Play with me, the best method is to send me a private message so we can see if we can come to some sort of arrangement.

Before you contact me, please be aware that as an avid writer and a bit of an art snob, I am most interested in storytelling, plot, and character development.  It is fine if there are some more suggestive elements included in our RP - so long as it is understood by both parties that this our exchange is purely fictional - but I am not interested in participating in anything that is purely of a sexual nature.  It is about as interesting to me as reading an Ikea instruction manual.

I apologize to any of you who may be disappointed by the above, but I have recently been informed by my therapist that I am not only allowed to set boundaries, but I do not have to explain myself.  

Any rules about tagging?  How should I tag my interactions with you?

Please tag all public interactions with my posts as #iamakiller to ensure that anyone who wishes to erase me from existence is not exposed to my content.

I will be tagging any RP content as #roleplay to designate it as such.

In general, please pay careful attention to the tags I use.  I try to be thorough, but do let me know if there is anything I need to add.

Is it true that it takes you days to reply to people?  And sometimes you don’t reply at all?

How rude!  It is true that my response times are sometimes protracted depending on my schedule, my mood, or my muse.  To answer the second question: for the most part, any lack of response is simply due to the fact that Tumblr is a lawless place where messages vanish into the ether, and the @ function doesn’t always work.  It is seldom anything personal.

Your content is bad and you should feel bad.

I do apologize.  Please block me and filter out #iamakiller.  

Will you kill me?

No.  I’m far too busy for that.

Can I call you Daddy?

DEAR GOD NO.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #281

“is there a method to your madness, is it all about pride? ‘cuz everyone i know, they’ve got a demon inside.”

Has anyone ever told you that you looked like a celebrity? No, just a video game character and an animated movie girl when I had black hair. What color is the pillowcase(s) on your bed? Brown. Do you have a favorite day of the week? Tuesday because it’s reset day in WoW and as a mount farmer, that means I get to try my raids for the week again to continue to be denied. :’) Have you ever been in an art show? An art show, I don’t think so. I’ve had two or three things in an art museum, though. Would you consider yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered? I’m pretty split down the middle, I’d say. I’ve seen far more emotional pain than I think most young adults have, but at the same time, I’ve very under-exposed to adult experiences. How high is your pain tolerance? It depends on the type of pain. I can particularly say I do NOT handle stomach pains well, though. Have you ever played the game Halo? Nah, those weren’t my type. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie? Only songs sung together for plays in elementary school. Never solo. Do you like your nose? … Sure? Kissing someone with facial hair, do you mind? I don’t care. Would you ever like to be a stunt person? I’m fucking dumb, I read this and thought “you mean little people?” until I read the last person’s answer lmaooo. Anyway, no. I’m not ballsy enough for that shit. Are you a pyromaniac? I find fire pretty, but it still can scare me if I’m too close to it. Are you one of those people who listen to songs on repeat? 110%, it’s literally what I’m doing now lmao. Can any of your friends sing very well? SARA. Would you ever enter any kind of pageant? No, no, no, no. I really don’t support pageants of any type I can think of, beauty in particular. What a way to scream “HEY THEY’RE BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, again, especially in beauty pageants. That fucks people up. What a way to start things like self-loathing, eating disorders, body dysphoria, etc. Do you have piano fingers? Mom has always told me that, “like Grammy.” Have you ever slept on a beach? YIKES, no. I ain’t fuckin’ with the tides going in and out or just a massive wave. I’d also feel WAY too vulnerable. Would you like to be taller? I’m cool with my current height. Are you a fan of piercings on the opposite sex? I just like piercings in general. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No, besides play getting too rough. Is there a movie that makes you cry every single time you watch it? It’s easy to do that lol. The Notebook in particular will 100% make me tear up. What's your opinion on Johnny Depp? He’s an incredibly talented actor that I find very attractive, but I don’t know him as a person. Can you speak in different accents? Just British and southern. Who was the last person you mocked/mimicked? My nephew, playfully of course. If you write, isn't writer's block the most horrible thing? THE ABSOLUTE WORST. What size shirt do you normally wear? Ugggghhh generally 2XL, I think. It can be one size smaller or one size larger depending on the shirt. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a song? Just poems. Do you believe there is life on other planets? It’s possible, but I don’t particularly lean a certain way, I think. The universe is just… infinite, you know? But also the circumstances that life rose within Earth were so remarkably perfect to support it that I don’t entirely know if it’s been duplicated elsewhere. When was the last time you fell? Around two weeks ago? I have extremely low blood pressure naturally but also amplified by medications’ side effects, and I got out of bed too fast when I woke up. Hurt my knees pretty bad and barely missed my head hitting the couch. Do you have any sort of debt? I do NOT want to think about this. Is there a specific time period that interests you? The era of dinosaurs of course, as well as the Renaissance, just to name a couple. Do any of your friends own an expensive car? *shrugs* Have you ever been on a train? No. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Are you, or anyone you know, an atheist? I know plenty. Have you ever sent a celebrity fan mail? No. Have you ever been in a musical? No. Is there a friend's family that makes you feel like you're family too? Yeah, Sara’s. Even though I’ve only been with them not that long of a time, they’re wonderful and made me feel so welcome. Do you ever have a fear of getting close to new people? Boy, do I!!!!! It’s funny though, because at the same time, I want to be close with people; I want to rush to the point I have a close friend. It’s weird. What is the worst things about work? N/A And the best? N/A Do you like to sleep in? Not really, honestly. I feel groggy and lazier than I naturally am lmao. Do you like to be an early bird? Well I’m in my best mood in the morning, but I don’t like waking up early. However, I’ve been planning a morning routine to adopt once we move that involves waking up at like 7 or so, so we’ll see how much I enjoy mornings then. But oh boy do I have a habit of saying I’ll do something and then not doing it, so… What is something you notice you just don't watch? History stuff and usually action. Last thing that bothered you even if just a little bit? Something Miss Tobey said to me a few days ago. Last thing that seemed a blessing from above? I don’t believe in supernatural “blessings,” but I’ll bite. The thing that made me happiest recently was uhhhh… I actually don’t know. Nothing that REALLY felt “blessing-ish.” Do you usually drink diet or regular soda? Regular; I can’t do diet. It tends to taste horrible but more importantly the artificial sweetener gives me a wicked headache. Are you on a diet? Not a diet, no. I’m more so just trying to make it a habit to simply eat better and not snack. Someone you highly respect who is not in your family? Sara’s dad. Did you say 'goodnight' to anyone last night? I don’t think I did. Does anyone ever comment on the appearance of your handwriting? People tend to point out it’s really nice. Have you looked at anyone's Facebook profile lately? Whose? Nah. Did you have a cake for your last birthday? What kind? Yeah, red velvet. Can you recall the first horror film you ever watched? How old were you? I actually don’t think I can. Maybe Paranormal Activity? Or The Blair Witch Project? When’s the last time that you mailed a letter or a package to someone, and who was it to? Sara’s bday gift I think. The last book that you checked out from the library? I haven’t done that in years. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman got neutered, and the only time I took Venus to the vet was when I first got her and she refused food for almost a year. Changed the tactic of warming the mouse up and she was more than happy to snag it. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at the pet store? The reptiles, because they’re closest and also my favorite section. Last medication or item that you picked out from the drugstore? Nicole picked up a bunch of my prescriptions that needed refilling. Do you usually have a big list or a small list when you go to the grocery store? I don’t do the shopping here, so it’s not my choice. How much was the last check you deposited? How about the last amount that you took out? I have no clue. Have you ever been admitted into the emergency room? For what? Being suicidal and then a suicide attempt. Have you ever been arrested before? Ridden in the back of a police car? No to the first, but yes to the second because that’s just how you’re transported from the ER to the psych hospital here. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? Thank God no. When did you graduate high school? 2014. How much gas can fit in your gas tank? N/A Does your vehicle break down a lot? N/A What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a sit-down restaurant? I want to say at LEAST 45 minutes once. Can’t remember why it was so busy, though. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? I’ve had cavities and braces, but thank Christ no root canals, and I’ve never had to have a tooth pulled by the dentist, either. Which art forms do you appreciate the most? Man, you can’t ask this to someone who enjoys art so deeply. Like I really don’t know what I enjoy *most*. Music can give me chills, poetry can be so rich and, well, poetic, and traditional artwork strikes awe and makes you wonder how they do it. I just adore art. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? To start, I have very mixed feelings about zoos, but I guess I am *mostly* in favor of humane, adequately providing captivity to a certain degree as this allows for conservation of especially endangered species, and zoos also make it easier to study and understand the silent voices of those we share the earth with. As well, they offer a safe environment to expose the fearful to all sorts of animals, and I feel it is very, very important for humans as the alpha species to care for and understand (as best our language barriers allow) our wonderful neighbors. That being said, I definitely believe that a lot of zoos under-provide for their animals, and this is horribly heartbreaking so that I absolutely disagree with their “right” to own and display animals, but for this specific question, I am going to use my state’s zoo as the standard here. Ashboro, imo is pretty damn great and generous to their animals (you should see the miles of land the elephants, bison, antelope, and rhinos have!), but the exhibit that comes to mind first when mentioning animals I’d like to set free iiiis… you know, I don’t know. I was going to say the polar bears since it can get STUPID hot here in the summer and their abode doesn’t have a great amount of ice that survives the sun, but at the same time I’d be very wary about returning a polar bear home for… obvious reasons. I say “I don’t know” because I’m not gonna pretend to know what ample space is for so many different kinds of animals. Damn, now I really wanna go there. Wow this was a long answer to a p simple question lmao. Favorite kind of fish? I don’t have a distinctly “favorite” fish, really. I don’t know enough of ‘em, but I can say I really like clownfish and angelfish. What kinds of museum artifacts fascinate you? Whew, as someone who took Art History just last year in school, ancient art pieces of all sorts! It is so, so fascinating, watching the evolution of art and to see how the urge to just create extends so, so far back into history. Have you ever gone to court before? For a disability case, yes. Also to convince a judge that I didn’t need to stay in a mental hospital for I think the original plan was around six months. What is the last song that you danced to? Ha ha I watching Hotel Transylvania with my niece and nephew and did the macarena with ‘em. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Margaritas or sangrias. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No. Are you more likely to fly in an airplane, or pick people up/drop them off at the airport? Historically, pick people up. Which sporting event would you be most likely to sit through? Dance competitions. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Cone or dish? Any sprinkles? My favorite Basic Bitch flavor is vanilla, just with chocolate syrup. Cone or dish just depends on what I’m feelin’, really. I hate sprinkles on anything; the texture throws me off. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. What do you eat most frequently? Uggghhhh some form of bread, probably. Are you a fan of video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to be. What's your favorite color combination? Idk really, I like a lot. I will say though that orange and black excites me bc Halloween Vibes. Did you share a locker at school? No. What's one sport you could never play? Wrestling, ew. Have you ever sung karaoke? Oh god no. What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? lmao BRO tell me this a joke How old were you when you went on your first date? Idr, sometime in the 7th grade, if group dates in middle school even count? lol Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yeah. If so, who? An ex and probably doctors at some point? Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? Sunday school, really. Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? Considering I’ve never left the country, no. Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? I only have a laptop. Do you remember anyone's number by heart? No, but I seriously need to memorize my mom’s. Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above. Do you know how to use Photoshop? I know how to do a decent number of things, but I’m definitely no expert. Where was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. What's the best place you have ever eaten? Olive Garden is fucking fantastic, fite me about it. Do you own a hair straightener? No, I don’t need one. Are you barefoot right now? I always am at home unless it’s cold enough to need slippers. Are you subscribed to any magazine? Nah. Do you need AC right now? No; it’s actually pretty cold inside rn. Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? It’s just a derivative of my first name; “Britt.” But I guess that classifies as a nickname. Name something you're proud of. Deciding to actually *try* to move on and making massive progress through it with That Person. Lately I’ve wondered if I truly have, though. My PTSD has been really bad of the late. Does any accent annoy you? I can’t say it “annoys” me, given you can’t really control your accent, but I do find it difficult to understand extremely southern accents, even as a local. Do you take vitamins? This just reminded me I’ve been out of my Vitamin D prescription for a while… oops. I’m supposed to take it for my legs. When was the last time you took aspirin or some other pain reliever? Yesterday, actually. I had a pretty bad headache. When was the last time you deeply regretted something? God, last night, I was remembering and accepting some things. Lemme just say I regret the everloving fuck out of the subject. What is something that you regularly wear that makes you stand out? Besides my lip ring, nothing in particular. Do you prefer small birthday parties or big ones? Small. I just don’t like big gatherings in general. What song are you listening to now? “Creatures X: To The Grave” by Motionless In White. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup w/ Jason. I’ve told the story enough in surveys and I don’t wanna recite it again. Who was your childhood best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends now? On Facebook, anyway, but we don’t talk. If not, why? We just drifted apart. What is one career you don't think you could do no matter how much it paid? Butcher. No fucking way. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Oh yeah; I’m an admin at the Silent Hill wiki and have invested hours upon hours upon hours helping out there for years. I’m also a content moderator at the Team Ico wiki, and I’ve also assisted a lot at the meerkats wiki because it is a fucking grammatical and formatting catastrophe. I think that’s it? Wait no, I did a few fixes on the Dragons of Atlantis wiki when it was still at the Kabam website, too. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? Yeah, a few. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I wouldn’t say I get scared, no. Just more aware and cautious. What’s the worst illness you’ve had? I’ve had a fucking wicked stomach virus before. (TMI alert?) I would not stop puking to the point it was agonizing to the point of tears because my muscles were so exhausted. Which do you prefer: M&M's, Skittles, or Reese's Pieces? BITCH can I choose all???? But in almost any chocolate-related case, I will choose a Reese’s product. Where on your body would you never get a tattoo? I don’t plan on getting a face tattoo, or at least a big one. Maybe something small and cute. OH YEAH EW absolutely never getting my sclera tattooed. That looks painful as a motherfucker. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. If your parents could read your thoughts, would you be in trouble? Not usually. Mom might be mad sometimes when I’m angry at her. Have you ever egged somebody's house or car? No, that’s childish as shit. My childhood house was egged once, so it pisses me off especially. Do you like licorice? UGH no, that shit is disgusting. Did anybody ever read bedtime stories to you when you were younger? My mom did. Which natural disaster do you find the most terrifying? Tornadoes or earthquakes. Do you have a favorite Johnny Depp movie? What is it? Alice in Wonderland. If I gave you a Yo-Yo right now, could you do any tricks? Nope.

[selfships-in-spanish]

Mate Guarding

Just a little something that ran through my mind, hope it’s not a little too weird lol

.

.

.

Connor narrowed his eyes at the tall figure across the room. He watched with growing irritation as those icy grey eyes loomed over her figure, sweeping up and down lazily, unabashedly. Flauntingly, even. Knowing full well of the heat of Connor’s glare burning holes into his own stormy eyes. His lips curled just the slightest, smugly, eyes finally drifting slowly to the android looming over his little human. The sly curve of his lips grew into a barely noticeable smirk, barely noticeable. But, Connor saw it. Saw it as clear as day. He knew exactly what he was trying to do. The little shit.

Those frigid silver eyes glanced back down to her figure leaning carelessly across Lieutenant Anderson’s desk, the look in them predatory, hungry. Connor watched as the RK900 unit straightened himself from his leaning position over the break room table, seemingly ignoring whatever it is his partner was telling him. He turned his broad build toward her. Connor stood straighter. 

Gavin seemed to notice that his partner was no longer listening (if he even was to begin with), trailing off. He glanced up at the android, annoyed that he was being interrupted from telling his totally real, not bullshit story. 

“Hey, tin can, you even listening?” He yapped, lips turning into a sneer as the RK900 unit simply walked away, eyes dead set on is target. His eyes following his partner’s confident stride, Gavin set down his coffee cup, suddenly curious as to where this was heading. He glanced briefly at Connor, then to Nines. His interest piqued. 

Connor felt his body tense as the RK900 unit came closer, posture rigid, his counterpart’s eyes still glued to her. His LED circled a cautious yellow.

Hank finally noticed Nines approaching, eyebrows lifting in an annoyed manner and slightly swiveling his chair towards the android. Ona seemed to notice his sudden shift in behavior and turned her head to the right, her face curved in confusion. When her eyes landed on him, her face filled with relief, a small smile growing on her lovely face. She adjusted her position, arms pushing herself off of Hank’s desk and turned to face the incoming android.

“Nines!” She greeted happily, her eyes meeting his. Her smile faltered a bit when she noticed what looked like something resonating in his heated gaze. His usually stoic face was now expressive, well, as expressive as Nines could be. He stopped right in front of her, taking her slightly aback at the proximity of his stance. She titled her head back to look up at him, leaning back against Hank’s desk at the closeness of having Nines’ wide figure looming down over her. How cute, he thought teasingly.

Ona barely had the time to squeak out a word before dark grey blocked her vision. Surprised, she glanced up at the defensive stance Connor has taken in front of her. Legs wider a part, shoulders broadened, spine rigid to give the illusion of height. His eyes narrowed at the RK900 unit, brows furrowed in a challenging glare. A dare. Well, RK900 has never been one to turn down a challenge. His icy greys stared back, unaffectedly, into his own warm brown. Hank watched with growing cautiousness, feeling the beginnings of an oncoming clash. He turned his chair a little more, making his presence known if the two androids were to do something rash. 

Connor leaned forward just a fraction, upper lip curling slightly in a soft snarl. A warning. RK900 furrowed his brow, a look of confusion morphing onto his own face. Almost as if he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction out of Connor. His stance was still grounded, still too close. He tilted his head a bit, lost at the reaction of the older model. His seemingly human reaction. Connor doesn’t allow this momentary break in intimidation to distract him. He takes a brave, forceful step forward, taking advantage of the RK900 unit’s brief confusion, forcing the younger model back a step. Surprise shows for a split second on the RK900’s face before it’s quickly diminished by anger. Hank’s grip tightens in his armrests, legs prepared to move.

RK900’s jaw clenches briefly before he tilts his head, as if to further analyze Connor. 

“What are you doing?” His voice low, as if they were the only two people in the bullpen. Connor regards him for a beat before answering in an equally low tone.

“I’m mate guarding. An activity that humans do to protect their mates from potential threats.” He can hear the nearly inaudible fucks sake that Hank emits, stare still glaring into his successor’s. Ona’s shocked silent, unable to produce any noise at all, frozen. Her eyes widened at Connor’s very abrupt statement, she’s vaguely aware of the heat burning her cheeks.

RK900 observes his predecessor with a quiet fascination, almost morbid curiosity. He continues to stare, his eyes occasionally drifting back to Ona, then back to Connor. There seems to still be a challenge in his eyes as he runs an analysis through his processor. He waits, wanting to see what more Connor was willing to do for his human. His eyes glance back at Ona for what seems like the umpteenth time before Connor has had enough. 

A low rumble resonates deep inside the android’s chest cavity, just loud enough for the three of them to hear. The sudden growl brought Ona back to the present, nervously glancing between the two lions before her. One wrong move and all could go to hell. 

RK900’s exterior remains passive throughout Connor’s second warning, once again tilting his head in mock curiosity. He regards the older model, never breaking eye contact once. His voice low.

“And Ona is your mate?” He questions, a hint of a sneer in his tone. Connor’s eyes narrow in the slightest.

“Yes.“ 

Ona blanches, the tiniest, involuntary squeak escaping her lips. They barely notice.

Hank turns and buries his face in his hands, an exasperated groan rumbling from his throat. What are these kids, fuckin’ animals?

Connor and the RK900 unit continue their little show down, some passerbys have slowed and stopped to watch in interest. RK900 was starting to get a bit annoyed at the audience they were gaining, breaking their gaze to glance at his fellow coworkers, irritated. He didn’t have time for this, these trivial games Connor was playing. This is ridiculous. They’re both above this…primitive behavior. RK900 looks back at Connor, eyes flinching in the slightest narrow, a message.

This isn’t over.

Connor watches him slowly turn back, eyes never leaving, until his form is seen retreating back towards the break room. Connor’s gaze remains until RK900 is a far enough distance away, turning back to glance at Ona, hearing a distant What the fuck was that? from Detective Reed. 

Ona was still shell shocked. She looked up at Connor, mouth agape, cheeks flushed. She tried to speak a coherent sentence but all the came out was unintelligible gibberish.

"I- yo- you said, what-” Connor only chuckled softly and pulled her close, arms wrapping securely around her waist, fingers gripping hips possessively. He can feel RK900’s eyes on them. He nuzzles his nose into her neck, inhaling her beautiful scent, her curls tickling his face. He nips her skin, a desire to mark. Ona’s breath hitches. 

Hank groans a little louder.

“For fucks sake, get the hell off my desk. This ain’t no Eden Club.” He grimaces in disgust. 

Connor only grips tighter, holding her in place.

His mate.

Yes, he liked the sound of that. He huffs a laugh into her hair.

His human mate.

.

.

.

Alright, welp, hope this wasn’t too weird. It’s currently 5 am and this idea happened to cross my mind while scrolling through your blog. It took a lot longer than it should’ve to write this. I’m not very much of a writer so this took some time lmao. I really adore Ona and I’ve come to love her! I think she might actually be one of my favorite OCs (also your art is like amazing??? holy shit I’m in love). 

I also just realize that I have no idea if you’re okay with people writing about your OC so I’m really sorry if I’ve broken any rule or anything. I just wanted to share this stupid little idea lol

@taylor-swifter-sweeper 

I JUST

I’M

OH MY FUCKING GOD

@taylor-swifter-sweeper LET ME FUCKING SHOWER YOU WITH LOVE

This is fantastic!! I absolutely love everything about it, how you wrote all of them and THESE TWO IDIOT ANDROIDS PUFFING THEIR CHESTS AND CONNOR BEING LIKE A DAMN PEACOCK. HANK IS SO DONE AHAHAHAHAH (also Ona squeaking like a tiny mouse? Hell yeah ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )

I DIG THISSSSS

Oh my fucking God. I’m legit crying. This is so amazing TvT I feel so damn blessed lksdjfsajglgdfjgldkf what did I do to deserve this oh my god it’s so fucking awesome aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

AND I TOTALLY DON’T MIND PEOPLE DRAWING OR WRITING ABOUT MY OCS!!! TOTALLY ENCOURAGED <333

[thornswithroses]

I’ve been a ghost in this hellsite, and I decided to do a book questionnaire based on @dhaaruni‘s own take on the New Yorker’s “By the Book.” 

Here we go.

What books are on your nightstand? 

I used to keep what I’m currently reading on my nightstand, but unfortunately, said nightstand is too small for the number of books I am reading. Right now, the nightstand holds my sleeping mask, bookmarks in a box, hand cream, and my Himalayan salt lamp. 

Marie Kondo has been a blessing for my bedroom, so I keep all the books that I have, including library books, on my shelves.

What’s the last book that really excited you?

Oh, so many. I’ve checked out from my library the Jacob Tobias memoir, Sissy: A Coming-of-Gender Story. I am close to done with Patricia A. McKillip’s elegant Alphabet of Thorn. I also checked out We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter by Celeste Headlee. There is also California dreamin' by Penelope Bagieu. 

And to show off just how often I abuse my library card, I also have on interlibrary loan: The Art of Eating by M.F.K. Fisher, The Palestinian Table by Reem Kassis, and House of Psychotic Women: An Autobiographical Topography of Female Neurosis in Horror and Exploitation Films by Kier-La Janisse.

I recently bought two titles that I am enthused to read as soon as I get the chance. Olivia Waite’s The Lady's Guide to Celestial Mechanics and C.S.E. Cooney’s Desdemona and the Deep.

Now you can see what I meant about my nightstand being too small! 

What’s your favorite book no one else has heard of?

Oh, lord, too many to name! Angela Carter has been getting more notice as of late, but I still think she needs more recognition. I feel the same way about Caitlín R. Kiernan. I also think everybody should give Sarah Monette/Katherine Addison’s The Goblin Emperor a try!

What book should everybody read before the age of 21?

The Bloody Chamber and Other Stories by Angela Carter. 

What book would you recommend to people over 40?

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. I can’t say precisely how, but it feels like it captures the pain of youth. I think they should also read Francesca Lia Block. I think she captures what young women dream about and what they hurt over really well.

Which writers — novelists, playwrights, critics, journalists, poets — working today do you admire most?

C.S.E. Cooney is marvelous. I have also been enjoying Courtney Milan’s romances as well as her contemporaries’ works. There is Sarah Monette, Sarah Waters, Donna Tartt, Beverly Jenkins, so many women to admire. If anyone ever decries writing today as not being “good as it used to be,” they’re fucking hacks.

What moves you most in a work of literature?

When a character realizes they deserve better, especially if it’s a woman that recognizes this.

Do you prefer books that reach you emotionally or intellectually?

I think they have to be intelligent to know how to get to me emotionally. There is no distinct line between emotion and intelligence, in fact, it can be argued that you cannot have one without the other. Otherwise, intelligence just becomes a coldness, and emotionality becomes hysteria.

What’s the most interesting thing you learned from a book recently?

I think Marie Kondo’s work really taught me to value the things I own. When I was doing the KonMari method, I discovered these birthday cards that my late grandfather had given to me as a child. They had been buried under useless papers that I never bothered to toss aside. It is scary to think about U.S. consumerism, but then again, I do have socialist leanings so hah. 

Which genres do you especially enjoy reading? And which do you avoid?

I love romance. I am a romantic person, so I always get excited about romance in a romance novel, or within a horror story, fantasy, and so forth. I like reading about different relationships, such as siblings, parents-and-children, in-laws, friendships, and so forth. I think the complexities of human relations is essential to me as a reader.

I don’t like Westerns, I will be honest. I see them, and I think propaganda. I’m Mexican and Palestinian, and I can’t unsee the subtext of white people moving to the west, using God as a tool to justify taking from Native Americans. John Wayne is no hero.

I think the closest to a Western I have ever enjoyed was the anime, Trigun. And that deals with human beings of all backgrounds settling in a new planet, so there you go.

What’s the best book you’ve ever received as a gift?

My dad got me a book that was entire of Grimm’ fairy tales, from the famous ones to the least-known. And these stories were the version where Cinderella’s doves took out the eyes of her sisters. So, you can imagine how this influenced eight-year-old me to become the person I am today. 

Who is your favorite fictional hero or heroine? Your favorite antihero or villain?

Oh, this is hard. I’m going to have to give a cop-out answer and say there are too many to name. 

What kind of reader were you as a child? Which childhood books and authors stick with you most?

I was a late-bloomer. All the kids in my first-grade class already knew to read since kindergarten. I did not. I had these two fantastic reading teachers that eventually taught me. I may have started later than all my classmates, but I ended up becoming more well-read than they did. I would go to the elementary school library three-to-four times a week to check out books. The librarians really enjoyed me. 

I was bullied a lot growing up, so books were my way to heal. Francesca Lia Block’s Violet and Claire really shaped me as did fairy tales and Greek mythology. I also read Blood and Chocolate in middle school, and I had never met a main character as unapologetically sexual as Vivian. I think that book really influenced some of my feminism, despite its other issues. There was also The Witch from Blackbird Pond. Oh, and the Animorphs series. There was also the Babysitter’s Club books, which really made me want female friendships portrayed more often in other stories. A Corner of the Universe, which is also by Ann M. Martin, really impacted me--it is troubling how much I ended up relating to Adam in that story.

You’re a digital native, and your publisher describes you as “what Susan Sontag would have been like if she had brain damage from the internet.” Do you find it difficult to tune out distractions and sink into a book?

I do, mostly I blame it on graduate school burning me out. I also work full-time, so my brain sometimes just wants to shut off, and I look up stupid stuff on the Internet. I think I am getting a little better about it though. I try to clean my space as much as possible, and that helps clear my mind.

Disappointing, overrated, just not good: What book did you feel as if you were supposed to like, and didn’t? Do you remember the last book you put down without finishing?

V.E. Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic. I mean, I did end up liking it, but not too much. I actually forgot most of the plot. I can say that I like Kell and Holland a lot. The rest of the book had great ideas and mostly good executions of those ideas, but the narrative had an air of superficiality that I just couldn’t get over. Also, I was legitimately frustrated by Lila Bard. She had to be one of the cheapest depictions of Strong Female Character I’ve seen in a long time. I couldn’t get into the Hunger Games either. I gave up on A Song of Ice and Fire halfway through. 

What books are you embarrassed not to have read yet?

I don’t get embarrassed as much about that sort of thing these days. I do want to read Angela Carter’s entire bibliography one day. I also want to read the unread books on my shelves.

What do you plan to read next?

Angela Carter and some progressive Catholic works, hopefully. 

[beowulfs-booty-call]

Lore Dump!

(Block Long post so it doesn’t kill you! I’ll be adding more to this tomorrow when I’m not about to fall asleep LMAO) Background on the summons / characters so far:

Ifrit

Secret power bottom who comes off as a Dom top.

He’s the fire elemental and has been Demi’s “First” demon contract as well as... His source of income. While Demi seldom doesn’t speak about the prejudices of his job, Ifrit, head of the original Wrath district as the demon general later “moved” to Eros because he secretly enjoys the way Persephone built it up as an overall balanced District, as well as to fund the incubus who’s somehow managed to charm him as both a dancer and as a summoner.

His demon form is considered to be very similar to this unfinished concept art I once had where Demi was envisioned as a dancing summoner here:

He is extremely muscular and bulky simply because that’s his preferred form. He finds the human body too “weak” and wishes to be as large as he is because his true persona relishes in pride (This unfortunately leads him to be stubborn in some regards, especially when things don’t go his way, he doesn’t like to opt out.) He can be smaller if he so chooses, but as the former general of a District where war and anger are his tools, he much rather likes intimidating.

Ifrit’s main outfit is a dark navy pinstripe suit and a white undershirt. When summoned, however, his horns appear and the flames burn through all he wears save for what shreds remain / a skimpy thong he insists is meant for combat efficient. (Basically, we have his default favorite as a purple chain thong, a leopard print thong, and your all around barbarian esque fur underwear / rags)

Ifrit means well, though his money is essentially “dirty” money. He’s not above certain tactics being a god of war and essentially one of the few elementals to have fought with Persephone in ages past. As a “sugar daddy”, Ifrit tends to lord his money as though they aren’t much to worry on. For example: He is the funder of Demi’s wardrobe as both his summoner and his “protege” as he puts it, and his clothes are well kept and custom made. Despite this, and his supposed “greed”, Ifrit uses this as a coping mechanism for his time in the wars where capital were short and his followers starved. Now he spends his frivolous amounts of currency towards things he believes worth it. He’s most often then not an anonymous donor to starving artists and the needy because he can “see the fire in their eyes”, but you’ll never see him admit it. He quite enjoys the idea that he’s a snobbish jerk if it means he’s left to his own devices most of the time, unless it’s around Demi.

As an elemental, he knows some very close individuals such as “Ramuh” and of course, Hades, but there is still much he has not revealed, whether because of his hedonism clouding his judgement, or his wanting of keeping his protege in the dark is unclear.

He is currently in a long standing rivalry with pop sensation and body positivity icon: Venus, though in the public eye they are known to grin and bear it, out of the public scene, it is not uncommon to see the two butting heads over their differences and their own ideas of what’s best for the incubus. While he does relent on certain stances he has for Demi’s best (I.E, allowing him time to work due to being under Persephone’s rule and not his.), Ifrit is possessive and wants Venus out of his hair, believing her to be a bad influence on his summoner. On the other hand, Venus believes Ifrit’s and Persephone’s grip on Demi, who was once a fellow human, is outright tyrannical.  This said, it’s not uncommon for Ifrit’s hard-headedness to lead him into saying something that will later bring him to Venus’ feet or fists. Even as a human, Venus has the uncanny ability to masquerade herself (very badly) as others to get close and absolutely beat Ifrit down such as “Afroooo-Dieeee-teeee, Ukrainian swimsuit cover girl, multi ranged diva, and DESTROYER of flames.” To others, though, he has a very adept insight towards their true motivations, and Demi’s is the real reason he has decided to take him in as a protege and summoner.

Ifrit, while the main cause of comedy, actually does care deeply for his summoner, as he sees in Demi the “ghost” of a man he knew long ago in his prime who also was his summoner. During the “Great War” that eventually created the Districts, this summoner died in battle destroying their contract and wishing Ifrit to find peace in life as they both could not in his. Ifrit, driven into rage by this, completely eradicated the enemy presence and encased himself in flames before being petrified by an unknown force and was later thrown into the Districts when the war was over. When he awakened, he was in a land of war, his beloved summoner no where to be found, and his heart empty save for one thing: Revenge and to fill that empty space in his coal-engraved heart. 

Ifrit had many lovers back in his time, but even so, who they are is so far unknown, he claims to live in the present, though, and talks of love do not concern him anymore because of his past. He sees love as a fleeting thing, and something that has left him broken and hungry for the very thing his friend didn’t want: Pain.

Ramuh:

The thunder elemental and “newest” summon so far, a hulking glasses wearing man who’s known to be the sage of lightning and knowledge.

Once worshipped as a god, Ramuh has been in existence long before any of the other elementals (as he puts it) and can remember a distinct mortal existence before becoming “one” with his element. 

This mortal life, was where Ramuh was once a man who lived and studied life as a philosopher, before carelessly tossing it all away when life began to lose its glory in his eyes.

In his words, the ancient war broke out and the mortal he once was, was in view of “The Great Ones” who proceeded to transform him into what he is now, from what was once a man who wished to understand life and its wonders, to a god who was now immortal to study all that he wished for.

His staff, Indrajit, was in his hands when he came to, and with it he can both bring down righteous thunder, as well as mend wounds of the body and the mind.

 Ramuh has himself a fantastical library, filled with ancient writings, scrolls, and books of all natures that he himself has written and copied from ages past. Legend is foretold that he is the divine writer and for every person who has ever written a work, Ramuh has a copy in his library for the hungry to read.

It is also stated, to read from this library, one must offer up knowledge to Ramuh in the form of a skill or an item that they can give to his library, lest they too become a new experiment.

As an elemental, Ramuh is thoroughly convinced his existence overwrote his “previous” self, his personality being starkly different from his darker and cynical past self. He is far more cheerful and guiding, though when overcome with emotion, he is known to stew in his own juices and isolate himself to clear his head.

He is greatly fond of children and young adults (And extremely protective of them as well), claiming they have the most potential of all and is no stranger to blessing any of those who pray to him, whether out of fear or out of need. His favorite question to ask these young minds are their dreams, for it is the one aspect of knowledge he does not have filled yet, and as time goes by and so do creativity and imagination, it has quickly become a mark on his list.

His relationship to Demi is actually based upon my writing of what my interpretation of Ramuh was to Terra in Final Fantasy 6 (Before my hard drive failed and it erased it all). As a demon with roots of humanity still left within him, Demi finds himself frustrated at his existence at one point and flees into a storm and into the dark seas surrounding the Districts hoping to be carried away in the cover of night. Instead, he is called out to by a mysterious voice, and finds himself ashore to a distant, murky but somehow livelier island across the sea to Ramuh’s study.  Ramuh, who felt his presence and empathized with him, welcomed him with open arms as both a fragile mind in need of stability, but also as a foundation of an existence that was never meant to be (He doesn't reveal he knows this to Demi yet.) Taking him in, Ramuh teaches Demi about magic, and how he can use it to the best of his potential under the alias of “Brahma” and a pen name of “Lugh” in his writings. (He reveals down the road that he takes many names, and that Ramuh is considered the name people have given him over the years and it’s become a bit of an attachment.) Later, when his training is complete, and Demi is ready to find his way home, Ramuh explains to Demi that his humanity is not a cause of weakness, nor should he be afraid of who he is, and rather, embrace it. He also is the one to explain what the “Rifts” are, curious portals that are a rip in the space time continuum that allows those who traverse it into other rips into space and potentially time. (This will also be expanded upon, with the inclusion of a Bara Healer I did...!)

As an elemental, Ramuh knows of Ifrit, and is playfully his rival in terms of how opposite the two are. Ramuh is a nurturer, Ifrit is the destroyer, Ramuh studies, while Ifrit takes things at first glance. He also has interacted with Persephone, on a professional level, but likes to believe that they are long over due for another cup of tea together.

Ramuh is very sweet and fatherly, and he spends his time cultivating cacti and small plants as well as having various pets and tamed beasts. Some, such as the Fantastical Demon Anaconda is famed for its dangerous name, but in reality the snake is quite friendly and does not wish to do harm. Ramuh claims this is out of spite for those who condemn his work as a researcher, but the truth is that he enjoys being the root of knowledge, he can bend these things to his will after all.  Also under his fingertips is his talent for Bestiary keeping. Amongst them is some of the most feared monsters like The Art Block and The Fear of Failure.

Persephone:

Queen of Eros and transwoman, she is the proud wife of Hades (Resident jock goth who loves her very dearly) and runs Eros as best as she can and as humanly as possible.

She deeply loves her husband and dresses in the finest outfits she creates on her own, as well as being the most fashion forward of the District.

She was the one who turned Demi into an incubus as he stumbled into Eros, a lone human who was one the verge of turning into a will-o-wisp as most humans do. Bestowing upon him a sacred opal, her gemstones allowed those who wear them to show allegiance to her “Court” and become a powerful demon in their own right. Demi, a special case, retained his humanity and with no memories of his previous life, quickly take up his role as a dancer in Persephone’s nightclub,La Fleur de Grenade.

She is not a demon, and is implied to have once been a human, but now, she is queen of demons and those who accept her rule are considered her children; Having taken the role of District ruler from Hades, she wishes to model the District based on her desires of above ground society. 

She wishes to bring the Underground above ground so the demons could live amongst humans as she does with Hades and so that she can finally feel the sun on her face like she did as a child.

Hades “kidnapped” her before she transitioned after she met him masquerading as a human above ground and became close to him. She doesn’t like to speak on it, but her family situation was not the most healthiest. However, Hades, who understood her, offered her his help and the two held their hands together as they took the fall to his home where she blossomed into who she is now. She does not regret it one bit, nor does she ever regret that Hades allowed her to become who she is today with his support, and with his help. Overtime she’s grown her own magic herself, but she keeps it bottled so as not to initiate war and instead works for peace in Eros, using her nightclub as one of the key ways to ease off the District’s lust effect on its inhabitants. (Stronger demons resist a District’s influence, most however not.)

Her tactics and work method comes off as back breaking and rather excessive, but this is due to her taking up Demi as her pseudo messenger and agent. Humans who have wandered into Eros (Because it is the most “human” of districts and because it’s far too easy to end up somewhere like a huge Traverse Town) need to be taken out of the District before they degenerate into Will-o-wisps and Demi has quickly surmounted himself as a human “rescuer”. But where these humans go after being dropped off to Persephone’s grip, is still yet unknown.

It’s later to be revealed that Persephone, in her wish to bring the Underground above, is essentially using “human” energy to cause the Underground to rise up. Demons and the gods only exist because they have believers to spread their influence like the “God” who threw them down there. So, the more who interact with Demi and Eros, the more belief is given and the closer it is to reality. She means well, and only seeks the best for the demons, but to bring the Underground above... would destroy those above her, and she doesn’t know that (Yet!)

Persephone’s appearance changes almost every time she gets a chance, her style and fashion is most like a drag queen, always revolving around a theme, but her favorite hair style is a sort of curly pixie cut.

[faireladypenumbra]

Ten Writing Questions Tag!

Tagged by @kclenhartnovels ! Thank you; I’m combining questions because it’s taken me so long to respond. 1. What got you started writing/doing art? (Because I always love origin stories)

I started creating stories when I was very young- before I could really write, with drawings and toys and imaginary friends. I started writing around 10 and never really stopped.

2. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

Depends on who I’m talking to. I try not to cast pearls before swine if I can help it.

3. Did you family and friends know that you write? What they think about it?

Everyone I’m close to knows I write, and my family is very artsy, so they’ve never had an issue with my creative work. My mom is actually an agented author, so even though we write very different fiction, she’s always nudged me to continue my creative pursuits.

4. Favourite book as a child?

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke and The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis.

5. What genre would you like to write other that your usual?

I wish to hop into science fiction more than I have previously.

6. A character that is your opposite

Ashleigh Crowley, whom I’m currently working on in my WIP. His unhinged nature, lack of control, and simultaneous lack of agency is something I’m not known for. I don’t really know where he came from.

7. Some ritual that you have before or while writing

I make the same tea and usually spend some time on my playlists/pin boards before I kick it into high gear.

8. Have you taken any writing classes?

Nope, though I am an English major (lit studies). I never intend on it either.

9. Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with?

My alpha reader and my boyfriend. Both have been with my work from an early stage and I feel I can give them pretty much anything, bad or good, and they’ll help me through it.

10. Did you have other writeblr that inspired you or that you admire? (artist too)

@thekatiemasters, who doesn’t hang here much, has nudged me through more than a few WIPs. I also quite admire @kclenhartnovels, who is far more organizied and confident in her blogging than I could ever be. xD

11. Do you research beforehand, or on-the-fly?

Beforehand, to a fault that I cannot start most projects until I have digested enough research. It’s a blessing and a curse.

12. What is your favorite movie or TV series to watch over and over again?

I return to Stardust, The Secret of Moonacre, Pirates of The Caribbean, The Princess Bride, Corpse Bride, The Brothers Grimm, Treasure Planet, and Tangled when looking for inspiration. Quirky fantasy stories are my jam!

13. Which character would you be most likely to marry? Which would you want to kill?

I’d probably marry Simon, given the choice (and if he weren’t taken). I’m now under the impression I’d probably kill Greyson Sinclair irl- god.

14. Drink of choice while writing?

Irish Breakfast tea, with honey and whole milk.

15. Do you prefer to write by hand, on your phone, or on a computer?

Mostly by hand when I’m brainstorming, but I do a lot of work on my laptop too.

16. What do you do when you get writer’s block?

Despair. xD Mostly kidding, but I try to place the cause and give it time to pass. Usually it’s just a matter of having a better, more developed way around the problem.

17. Would you rather watch a movie or read a book?

More patient with books than movies, but I like both.

18. What’s your weirdest writing habit?

I’m really particular about my hair while I write. I must braid it or bun it before I work, otherwise I can’t think.

19. Did you start with writing, or some other art?

I pretty much started writing first, but it was with lyrics/poetry before I forayed into fiction as a child.

20. What is your other major hobby?

Film editing! I vlog on YouTube and make AMVs a lot, which is fun! Tagged: whoever wants in! Glad I could finally do this.

[pinupgalore-lanadelrey]

Lana Del Rey - Flaunt Interview

Lana Del Rey is… happy? 

“I think I was feeling happy that I was present, and not afraid in a way that I couldn’t enjoy my everyday things,” the musician says of the new record’s title, sat in blue jeans, cross-legged on the floor of a Chateau Marmont hotel suite, enjoying French fries and a Diet Coke on a balmy, breezy Friday afternoon. “I’m the kind of person that really loves those things. Like when I drive, I love every road, and I can’t believe that I’m in L.A. I love the architecture, grabbing a coffee, striking up conversation with the people I encounter. And I hate when I can’t enjoy the little things because in the back of my head I have concerns or preoccupations. So for me, it was that sort of lust for life. It was kind of just about happiness.”

“The record has fewer dimensions,” she remarks. “But they’re more beautiful than in the past. I had no idea that would make it easier to talk about.” Has this ease with discussing the content perhaps coincided with a sort of softening, or openness toward her in the arenas of public or journalistic reception? “I feel that,” she says thoughtfully. “And it’s helped me be more open as well. Because it’s hard to talk about your innermost feelings if you feel the reception will be cold. And I hung back for a while. I did a handful of interviews, but not many in the last few years. But also I was writing and writing, and digging through stuff, and not writing things as easy to digest or discuss. It still comes from me, but as I’ve evened out as a person, I don’t have as much I don’t want to say. I feel comfortable.”

“Da-vid La-Chapelle. Whoa. Da-vid La-Chapelle,” Del Rey says breathily, “I just couldn’t believe it,” Del Rey says. “Because I always make things really hard to work, because I don’t want to talk that much. So I had defiantly said to someone, ‘Don’t ask me unless David LaChapelle is shooting it.’ And then I get a call from Stephen Huvane [a partner in Slate PR], and he’s like ‘David LaChapelle is shooting it and you’re going to do it.’ So when I got to his studio, which is like a few blocks from my house, I was blown away. He’s amazing. And he thinks big picture, and different picture, and textures, and he doesn’t want to do a simple portrait right now because that’s not where he is in his life. And I’m the same way. I don’t want to make a pop record if I’m feeling more acoustic, for instance. And so he’s very true to his own space. There’s not that many people that I would follow into the unknown, so to speak, but with him, I would probably do most of what he suggested.”

David LaChapelle - “I have had a relationship with Flaunt for a long time. Lana’s a down-to-earth person. I like her writing. I saw her show at the Hollywood Bowl, and really liked the music, and that inspired the concept and ideas for the photos. Lana was interested in the artistic angle, not a promotional angle, which I really liked. Much more interested in creating art than promoting something.”

Notably, there is a track on Lust for Life, recorded with Sean Lennon, a layered and playful number that explores, among other things, John Lennon and Yoko Ono – a canonical deity of lust and artistry if ever there was – that sees Del Rey refreshingly step outside her own paradigm. “I felt like it belonged to someone else,” she says of the single, “Tomorrow Never Came.” “And I never feel that, because I like to keep everything for myself. I thought it might be strange for Sean to sing a song about John and Yoko as well. But I think the fact that I sing, ‘Isn’t life crazy now that I’m singing with Sean.’ It points to the fact that we’re both aware. I didn’t want it to come out exploitative in any fashion. Not that it would. Still, I wanted to be as careful as possible. I wanted it to come across layered with this sort of meta narrative mixed in. In a way it’s a song about a song.”

I speak over the phone to Lennon, currently in New York, who originally received a very simple version of the song from Del Rey with only her vocals, guitar, and an organ. “To me,” he shares, “Ninety-nine percent of what is magical about that song was already contained in her original vocal performance. I felt like it was my job to simply highlight and accentuate what was already there in her voice and melody, and in her lyrics. Everything I played was merely ornamental, like tailoring a ballroom gown on an already stunning woman: the only way to mess up is if you take away from or disguise the beauty that is already there.”

Considering the lineage in the song and their first collaboration together, I ask Lennon what he learned from the experience. “She has exceptional taste,” he remarks. “I told her that working on her song was a valuable lesson since I often modulate and take unintuitive chordal and melodic twists and turns, and she reminded me that you can be perhaps even more compelling if the melodies and chords feel natural and intuitive, not contrived or disorienting as in my music. Anyway I’ll never forget when she called me after I sent her what I did and her first words were ‘It’s perfect!’ I almost cried with joy because I honestly don’t think anyone has ever said that to me about anything I’ve ever done. It was a very good feeling.”

Beyond the meta-awareness of the lyrics and rich instrumentation [Lennon added “acoustic six- and 12-string guitar, electric guitar, lap steel, upright bass, vibraphone, harpsichord, orchestra bells, drums, and Mellotron strings, and shaker”], a particularly resonant lyric repeats itself a handful of times: You weren’t in the spot you said to wait. I ask Del Rey if there are running themes of stasis or waiting elsewhere on the record. “I think that’s why I felt that of anything on the record, that wasn’t my song,” she considers. “I didn’t feel like I was waiting for anything. It’s really not about anything personally, except that I love the sonics of it; the filters. I try to be as careful as I can that I’ll want to sing stuff on stage that I write. And that song will be an easy one to do because it doesn’t pull at any heartstrings or anything. And I know it’s special to Sean as well, because he’s his dad’s biggest fan. And so I like that, in a small way, they had a moment, in whatever surreal way that could happen.”

 Accordingly, you have my personal favorite track on the record, “God Bless America,” an unbridled spanker of a song that’s title refrain is followed by, “And all the beautiful women in it”—that’s instantly echoing through your melon and one in which Del Rey remarks, “Yeah, I went there.” She describes the song, of which Mawson shared earlier his reluctance to release as a single, given the tendency of Del Rey to net the mentioned public polarization, “It has some strong messaging,” she says nodding. “Some iconography, with Lady Liberty, fire escapes and the streets, and I do get a little New York feel when I listen back to it.” I tell her the song feels grandiose in production, anthemic in verse… very New York in fact, a sparkling pile of empire and accomplishment. And while New York (and its banks) have churned out the free world leader and a boys club not so concerned about everyone therein being blessed, moreover the “beautiful women in it”—reminding us that grandiosity has its pitfalls—“God Bless America” could easily ascend the ladder as a 2017 rally cry.

I ask her if she feels the appropriative nature of the song title may stir any pots of sorts.”Well, it’s the God word,” she says measuredly. “But the phrase has wider meaning. It’s more of a sentiment. When I wrote it I didn’t feel like it was confined to a traditional portrait of the Lord, as some sects might see it. It was more like, ‘Fucking God bless us all and let’s hope we make it through this.’ She further explains the genesis, “When all the Women’s Marches were happening, I had already written this song, because I had been hearing a lot of things online. And I have a sister, and a lot of girlfriends, who had a lot of concerns about things that were being said in the media by some of our leaders. And I saw an instant reaction from women, and I was like, ‘Wow. There is no confusing how women are feeling about the state of the nation.’ And so without really trying to, I felt compelled to just write a song and say we are all concerned. And it really made me think about my relationship with women. And I felt proud of myself, because I do love the women in my life. And I take care of them, and I ask them what they think about music, and guys, and problems, and I thought it was so cool that I’m really right there in the same boat with them. And sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I feel like I’ve got my finger right on the pulse of what’s going on, and then some of my music comes out and it’s like, ‘Fuck, that was a miss. Fuck, that’s not what people feel, at all. But with this, I was right there with everyone.”

Considering the caution from management around the track, I ask Del Rey if the potentiality for rib kicks, or what have you, is particular to her, not just someone famous. Does she feel she’s been on the receiving end of a sort of media lust? A presumptive, dutiful debunking of myths? “Perhaps,” Del Rey considers. “Or the journalists don’t have enough going on personally andthey feel like their contribution to current culture is myth building. It’s either one. It’s a broad mix. And I’ll definitely take accountability for how my energy has informed a lot of not true stories. But 50% of that has just been someone’s personal agenda.” Still, despite the pricks and pokes over time, Del Rey does feel the media is incredibly important and worth fighting for at the moment. “That’s why I do love journalists,” she says, “when they’re not assholes, because writers are critical thinkers. They’re people who think it’s important to have conversation, and conversation can lead to change.”

I’d agree: the fundamental purpose of media is to present the facts and propel conversation. That, of course, has been tossed into the bullshit blender of late; a corrupted election, orchestrated intel leaks, and in turn media’s brandishing “the enemy of the people” by the venal and orange President Trump, has the press in a pretty gobsmacked, beleaguered position. So ass over heels that even the governing party’s own Fox News mascot, Bill O’Reilly, has finally been ousted for sexually pawing and verbally gnawing on women whom his employers have considerably paid off over the years to keep hush. It’s a mess out there, right or left or between. “I feel like this election jolted almost everyone who was floating around, feeling weird, whatever… right into the current moment,” Del Rey says. “I know several people that had a sort of drifter mentality that are now in the thick of it, considering things, and considering their own contributions, and what matters. I’ve known what matters to me for a long time, so I was already kind of there, but I didn’t really see it going this negatively. I feel like we’re in a bit of a Hitchcockian experience, and you’re in a scenario, and every day you wake up and you can’t believe the things being said and done are real. And I think some people are questioning if this shit is actually happening, like especially with the North Korea issues, which are really the scariest because you’re talking about nuclear annihilation.”

“The world is in an extraordinarily tenuous place. And while it could be said, certainly for the sake of this piece, the earliest seedlings of civilization were wrought with lust for power, we are, it seems, at somewhat of a tipping point. On the topic of the Women’s March, I share a video of the protests in Caracas, Venezuela, where some two million people were marching that morning against President Nicolás Maduro, dozens of whom were reported killed by police or government backing loyalists.” I remark that the collectivist, community-making nature of protest could perhaps only be likened to the power of song. Is there anything on the record that explores this swell of community-making here and around the world at present? She considers. “Well, I have a song that’s quite aware about the collective worry, about whether this is the end of an era. It’s called “When the world was at war we kept dancing.” But I actually went back and forth about keeping it on the record, because I didn’t want it there if it would make people feel worse instead of better. It’s not apathetic. The tone of the production is very dark, and doesn’t lead to a fucking happy feeling. And the question it poses: Is this the end of America, of an era? Are we running out of time with this person at the helm of a ship? Will it crash? In my mind, the lyrics were a reminder not to shut down or shut off, or just don’t talk about things. It was more like stay vigilant and keep dancing. Stay awake.”

Given the pace and intensity of the environment in our surrounds of which the artist speaks, I point out that there are still moments on the record that feel lonely, or lost in expectancy, far from active. I cite a lyric: “We get all dressed up to go nowhere in particular.” Del Rey shares that she’d had a phone call with a friend earlier that day, about their personal lives, their music, and she states that he too raised that when talking about artistic stall as a demonstration of stasis. She disagreed with him. “It wasn’t about stasis. I meant that you don’t need to have anything to do to get dressed up and feel special.”

We live in a culture where pressure and precedent abound, one in which women are constantly challenged with not feeling special based on their body, their skin color, their age, their social position, their follower count. Does she agree? “It’s more like we just don’t have as much cultural practice at taking the time to appreciate ourselves for who we really are,” she says. “We spend a lot of time when the nation was founding building government, money, and then getting the education system down, so it’s not like some cultures where you take time to mediate, et cetera, on your own dreams, wishes, self worth. I think it’s not enough practice. It’s not like they teach you that in school. But I think that that’s changing too. That’s actually a lot of what the record is about. Even in “God Bless America”… ‘Take me as I am, don’t see me for what I’m not… Only you can save me tonight.’ It’s about seeing people: what they’re actually doing. Who they actually are.”

In that sense, Del Rey is championing the same values as her influential predecessors, few and far as they may be, or as bamboozled by the power systems in which they thrived. Consider “Beautiful People,” where she trades verses and coalesces on the chorus with the one and only Stevie Nicks, of whom I refer to as a bonafide badass. “I didn’t know what to except or that I could even ask her, Del Rey remarks. “When I went through ideas of women that could really add something to the record, she was the one we kept coming back to. ‘Bonafide badass’ is a great phrase for her. She’s really real. And she’s still fucking touring, which baffles me. There are so few women doing that. You’ve got Courtney Love, who works, sings, tours… there’s not that many women who were making music in the ’70s or ’80s who still make music. It really is pretty crazy.”

“I know a couple of people who love to write,” she says as we’re collecting ourselves to leave the hotel room, “and love to rhyme, love melodies, and I do too. But to me it’s so much more than that. It feels like a life’s work and it feels like it’s really important just to me, so I put a lot of time into it.”

We’ve been speaking for a little over an hour. I return to a conversation we’d briefly shared on the photo shoot regards this, Flaunt’s music issue, and its theme (“heartbreak”), determined before we’d secured Del Rey as our cover subject. She’d been briefed on this by her publicity team and was admittedly wary about aligning. Again, that embodiment dilemma. Appropriation? Role playing? “Everything I’ve done in the last two years,” she says with confidence, “I would never say anything that wasn’t true. Even in the music. That’s why I was nervous about me being on the cover, and in big font “The Heartbreak Issue” because the thing is, I don’t feel heartbroken. So I didn’t want to continue a narrative that didn’t apply to me. Because the only person who truly cares about whether I continue that narrative, or any, is me. So I have to do my due diligence. And it doesn’t always work, but I’ll be damned if I don’t fucking try.”

[itsclydebitches]

Preacher Review: Viktor

A.K.A. “It’s Game of Thrones”

Sorry for the nearly 24 hour lateness of this review, folks. We’ll jump right in with my most humble apologies.  

Episode four has two major themes arcing through it: the old-school ‘people are the real monsters’ and a newer, optimistic take on how technology (specifically television) can solve almost any problem. I’ll be touching on both throughout.

We begin with Tulip though, still surrounded by men in that laundry mat, ominously telling Viktor that they’ve succeeded in locating her. We’re given close ups of Tulip handing over her gun and smooshed between two of the thugs in the car, both of which amp up the dangerous, claustrophobic feeling for Tulip and viewer alike. The tension started last week with Tulip methodically putting coin after coin into the machine—delaying the inevitable, sending a message that she’ll go when she’s ready—and these feelings are amplified when she doesn’t even bother to take the smokes with her. Oh well. Someone else’s gain I suppose.

There’s a time jump as Jesse finds Dennis’ place the next morning, which is notable due to its ordinariness. This is specifically not the time lapse we’ve come to associate with supernatural characters (Fiore waiting for the bus, the Saint catching up with the trio). All Jesse gets is a simple cut, despite Genesis riding shotgun next to his soul. It’s a nice, cinematic touch that tells us Jesse remains more Human than Other.

Jesse certainly thinks so. He emphasizes to Cass that there was a woman—no, not like that—who was in trouble, “so I helped her.” When Cass isn’t impressed with Jesse’s bragging he drops it fast enough, launching into an explanation for how staying out so late without contact is “typical for Tulip,” especially when they’re fighting. This sets up the conflict between Cass and Jesse in this episode and it’s one that we can easily see both sides of. Jesse is (rightly) reading the situation through his long intimacy with Tulip while Cass is (also rightly) basing his interpretation off of what he thinks Tulip currently needs. In short, misunderstandings on both sides waste a whole lot of time.

And for once Tulip might actually need the assistance. She squirms in Viktor’s office, and though Tulip employs her impressive acting skills later while sobbing and insisting how sorry she is for leaving, the viewer is left with the distinct impression that these first set of nerves are real. Plus who wouldn’t be squirming with screams and a buzz saw sounding in the next room?

Cass sends a heartfelt “are u ok?” but Tulip doesn’t have time to answer. The texts will grow more and more frantic as the episode continues, coming to a head in what proves to be a wonderfully shocking final scene…

But we’ll get to that.

For now Eugene is still in hell and oh boy, I still have Thoughts about this plot-line. The Worst Memory machine is currently malfunctioning in Eugene’s block (is he somehow the cause?) and it gives the writers the chance to do the exact thing I had prayed they wouldn’t do:

Humanize Hitler.

Here’s the thing, they’ve just introduced a whole new cast of characters, so go ahead and humanize the soft-spoken Romani! Or the Native American in the background! Literally anyone other than the genocidal maniac whose atrocities are still very much a part of our present. This is hell, no one is going to be “good,” but that doesn’t mean you try to redeem the one possible character who is, as an icon, entirely irredeemable. But oh, does the show try.

Hitler is a skinny, soft-spoken man who immediately positions himself as Eugene’s defender. He takes Eugene under his wing (explaining a little about how the Machines works) and invites him into his own worst memory in Munich, 1919 when Eugene gets locked out of his cell. There we see that Hitler most regrets a time when he was trying to woo a pretty girl (and failing), was embarrassed by a Jewish man, is incredibly hesitant about labeling anyone as “vermin” worthy of extinction, and is nervous about showing his art to a gallery owner. This Hitler is later horrified to see his own salute and just wants a crossword puzzle to do. As one of the other prisoners asks, “What happened to you?” Provided he isn’t faking (Eugene’s “Are you still... bad?”) we’re presented with a ‘redeemed’ Hitler that is not only insulting, but beyond implausible. Who grows a conscious in a hell that actively encourages you to be your worst? “Act accordingly.” How does Hitler grow a conscious there? Admittedly we didn’t get to see the entirety of his memory, but as it stands the show pulls out all the idiotic evidence that’s used to try and lessen Hitler’s actions. He loved his dogs! He could have been a painter! So what? Jake, help me out here.

Thank you.

By the time Hitler is being beaten up we’re supposed to feel mighty bad for him. I don’t. What’s more interesting though is Eugene’s self-preservation. In some ways I think this is a little out of character—he’s spent a whole season actively putting himself in harms way while trying to get back in the town’s good graces—but perhaps the idea of the hole is too much for him. Regardless, Eugene re-starts the kicking of a broken and bleeding Hitler in order to save his own skin, emphasizing that hell is only as awful as the people who make it up. We’re seeing more and more how there’s very little mystical about these other worlds. Hell isn’t scary because it’s some supernatural torture-fest, it’s scary because it’s made up of people in power encouraging others to act at their worst. It’s scary because it’s a reflection of how bad humans can be—“no one had any idea the numbers we’d be getting.” Even ‘good boys’ like Eugene aren’t safe from that influence.

It’s exactly like Earth.

But you know what? I actually have a theory here, one that would explain away all of Hitler’s inconsistencies, get the writers (somewhat) off the hook, and come back to haunt Eugene later: what if that’s not actually Hitler? What if that’s just some guy pretending to be Hitler to keep himself safe? Protection based on others’ fear and respect? It would be a good twist.

I’m holding on to that. Tightly.

Meanwhile, we segue into our second theme with Cass playing couch potato and consuming the most hilariously over-the-top infomercial, which is hilarious because of how accurate it is. Flooded houses, shot of a sad dog (because we all know people care more about the dogs than the humans…), and a black woman eating out of the trash. I’ve literally seen commercials structured exactly like this. But the whole point is not a commentary on the commercial industry itself (though there’s definitely some of that), but rather it gives Cass the chance to spot fake!God on TV, just like how he spotted Fiore two episodes back. Noticing a pattern? It’s pretty on the nose: watching TV is a good thing! Watching TV will give you leads in your case! It’s the answer to your questions and the solution to your problems! The fact that Cass later claims to be representing Game of Thrones—the other ultra-violent adaptation airing this month—and succeeds in getting the information they need just reinforces this message that television is an all around excellent tool, that you should totally keep watching, especially at 9:00 on Monday nights. 

I see what you’re doing, Preacher. Although as someone who studies television, I do also agree lol.

Television (or rather, tapes) help them again as we get to see fake!God auditioning for his part, working through many of the lines he tried out last season, and ultimately getting shot when he accepts the job (an excellent touch). It’s after this that Cass can’t take it anymore, finally getting straight with Jesse about the fact that Tulip is missing.

Ah Tulip. This was set up very well. “I made you a part of my family.” Oh, so Viktor is acting all mob boss like, it’s that kind of ‘family.’ Why does Tulip have free reign in this house if she’s a prisoner? Eh, probably just a mistake on the writer’s part. That little girl was awfully mad, but that’s normal for a child of someone like Viktor. Why did Tulip threaten to kill Viktor instead of just escaping? Well, she needs to make sure he doesn’t come after her again. And remember back to the almost-wedding? Tulip just had bigger things on her mind than marrying Jesse. Right?

Nope, nope, nope, nope and nope. Everything falls into place when Tulip announces that Viktor is her husband, a twist I personally never saw coming. She’s literally family, this is presumably her house, that little girl is her step-daughter, they obviously have a relationship, and Tulip can’t marry Jesse if she’s already got a husband. That “let me go” line takes on a whole deeper meaning by the end of the episode. Things just got way more complicated, which is exactly what the trio doesn’t need with the Saint back on their trail, and Jesse is beyond pissed. Anyone else notice how he chokes Viktor harder after Tulip’s admission?

My biggest question though:

Was the baby Tulip lost Jesse’s … or Viktor’s?

We’ll have to wait to find out. 

Thanks, friends <3

Other Minor Things Worth Noting 

Dennis’ kitchen looks remarkably like the kitchen back at the church: same drab, brown coloring; slightly grimy surfaces; a single window with sun shining through that Cass needs to avoid. It’s a part of Preacher’s aesthetic—these characters don’t belong in fancy places—but it was also a lovely, nostalgic touch.

We get another angry spew of French from Dennis. “It’s French,” Cass says. Yes. Yes it is. Okay. Who’s taking bets on whether Dennis will try to kill Cass before this is all over?

Jesse tells the conspiracy theory loving, “this is probably the Terminator,” “I swear I saved you from government clones” vampire that he’s discovered a secret organization. God bless.

Love the distorted voice of the Superintendent. A creepy touch to this otherwise bureaucratic depiction of hell.

Why hasn’t Eugene questioned why he’s in hell yet? Did he actually meet Jesse in the church that one time? Are the hallucinations Jesse had last season the real Eugene? If they weren’t, isn’t Eugene wondering when and how he died? Or does he just accept all this given his guilt over Traci? The facts here are all rather muddled…

Very nice long-shot of Tulip coming up those steps. She looks incredibly small in that massive, ostentatious house.

An epic fight to “Uptown Girl’ with severed arms and a fire hose used as weapons? Yes please.

We’ve finally got “arseface” into this canon! Or rather, “assface.” I wonder if Eugene will claim this name like he did back in the comics.

[apostateangela]

A Bell’s not a Bell Until You Ring It

There is a specific Mormon myth/fable/scripture story that is prevalent and used as an allegory for life. It is the story of Lehi’s dream. It is found in the first book of the book of Mormon,

1 Nephi chapter 8.

This is the Mormon’s version of the Tree of Life myth. Throughout all religious mythology, the Tree of Life bears magical fruit that is white and brilliant and gives everything from pleasure to everlasting life to those that eat of it.

In Lehi’s dream it is a fruit filled tree, shining with light at the end of a dark path next to a river. There is a treacherous mist on both sides of the path. There is a “large and spacious” building off to the side, full of people. And all along the path to the tree there is an iron rod, not unlike a railing, to hold on to as you brave the deep and dark and dangerous misty swamp.

This allegory has been explained in Mormon terms and taught to members of the church from the time you are very young. Each piece of the dream is explained in symbology as well as scripture. There are hymns and primary songs written about it.

Here is one hymn:

1. To Nephi, seer of olden time,

A vision came from God,

Wherein the holy word sublime

Was shown an iron rod.

[Chorus]

Hold to the rod, the iron rod;

'Tis strong, and bright, and true.

The iron rod is the word of God;

'Twill safely guide us through.

2. While on our journey here below,

Beneath temptation's pow'r,

Through mists of darkness we must go,

In peril ev'ry hour.

3. And when temptation's pow'r is nigh,

Our pathway clouded o'er,

Upon the rod we can rely,

And heaven's aid implore.

4. And, hand o'er hand, the rod along,

Through each succeeding day,

With earnest prayer and hopeful song,

We'll still pursue our way.

5. Afar we see the golden rest

To which the rod will guide,

Where, with the angels bright and blest,

Forever we'll abide.

And here is the symbol breakdown:

The Tree: Love of God or Everlasting Life with God

The Fruit: Happiness or the Blessings of Christ’s Atonement

The Mist= The Temptations of the Devil

The Iron Rod= The Word of God or Sacred Scripture

The Spacious Building= The World filled with Wicked People who mock the Righteous

The River= Spiritual Death

As young members of the church continuing into old members of the church, you are commanded through this vision written in scripture to ‘hold fast to the iron rod’ and not depart from the path of righteousness that leads you to everlasting life and eternal happiness with God. Holding to the Word of God means that you obey all the commandments and rules contained within the Mormon books of scripture (Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and the Pearl of Great Price). Letting go of the rod means you deviate from the path, tempted by the world (other people from the building) and Satan (the mist) and risk falling into the river or into spiritual death—which in case you didn’t know is worse than real death.

The purpose of my explaining Lehi’s Dream here is to provide you with the context that surrounds the depth of obedience programmed into members of the Mormon Church.

This is only one angle. But it is far reaching and prevalent.

It is designed almost perfectly:

An ancient prophet (Lehi) has a vision from God about his own family, which consists of various children; some of whom are righteous and obedient and some who are rebellious and wicked (examples of humans we can all relate to).

This God bestowed lesson/allegory is then written into scripture that is then revealed to future generations and translated by modern prophets. Then, given to the current people of the church with a charge to do everything they can to bring it into every corner of their lives: the Iron Rod story has been adapted into art, music, literature, spoken sermons, and even film.

I can almost feel my metaphysical hand grasping…

The Iron Rod story is all about what God wants you to do.

And what I find interesting is that it is a structure wrapped in God’s love and perceived safety that creates division between those that follow and those that do not.

One group is righteous, those that hold the rod and follow God step by step never deviating. The other group is labeled as wicked and mocking because they challenge those holding onto the rod. They are even put into a building, segregated from God’s followers.

Two of the basic building blocks of Christian belief are first, love thy neighbor or love everyone, to which this dream decimates. And the second, more obscure is about a counsel in Heaven. Before this life there was a counsel where God deliberated on how he wanted His children to live here on this earth. He himself wanted His children to have choice; choosing their own path and learning from this life and their experiences—saved from their sin by the sacrifice or atonement of God’s beloved son Jesus Christ.

Instances of this doctrine are in Job and Isaiah as well as Luke and the book of Revelations

(King James Version).

In the Mormon translation of this counsel in Heaven, there was actually a war where Lucifer wanted to force everyone to do what was ‘right’ so that God wouldn’t lose a single soul. And as God chose Christ’s plan of choice and redemption, fighting ensued causing Lucifer to be cast out of Heaven with 1/3 of the Hosts of Heaven (which became the Devil and his demons).

I add this bit of lore to show the strangeness of the Iron Rod piece.

If one of the main purposes of this life—something that God wants--is to explore and discover, to learn from experience, then iron-clad rules of the Mormon church prevent this very thing from happening. It traps people in a place of prescriptive living that limits not only the exploring of the outward but also of the inward and alienates those who do not obey.

There are many things that holding to the blistering iron of this rod prevented me from discovering about myself, as well as the world I lived in.

I’ve already written about sex.

It seems that journey is not over.

But before I get to the new piece I have discovered I think it is time I shared with you my journey to understanding love and relationships.

One of the most well-worn spots on the path of the Iron Rod is that of Mormon Temple Marriage. I have written about this structure as well as documented somewhat the harsh 25 years I spent there. After my divorce, and months of therapy and self-reflection I found that while I didn’t exactly know what I wanted in terms of love and relationships,

I definitely knew what I DID NOT WANT!

I did not want marriage.

Of course I did not want the psychologically abusive, Mormon version of marriage I had lived. But I also knew that I didn’t want the patriarchal oppressive structure marriage is both culturally and legally in the United States either.

From my 8-month foray into single womanhood and divorcee I quickly came to the realization that the church AND the world are not fair or kind.

As I set out to explore sex, I also was moving, albeit more slowly, towards examining different kinds of love and relationships.

I virtually stumbled upon a philosophical pot of gold in the form of a man who made a claim on his online dating profile.

He said he was a Relationship Anarchist.

He explained a little bit about it in his profile,

enough that his words set off a deep bell within me.

It reverberated, resonated like something unending—a bell that couldn’t be un-rung.

I asked him questions both about what it was and what it meant to him.

And then, I started researching.

As a teacher, student, writer, and curious intellect, I know how to research.

I read articles and blogs, and manifestos. I watched vlogs and personal testimonials and informational videos. I joined chat groups and made friends and found a very patient guru that I plagued with questions and scenarios.

With each bit of information, I asked myself, “Is this even possible? Would this actually work for you?” And more often than not the answers sent electricity into the original reverberation and resounded with either a ‘YES!’ or a ‘I can’t wait to find out!’

Then I tested it with actual experience, as any loving God intended I should.

The answers and experiences have both challenged and amazed me.

I cannot thank that golden man enough.

Before I go further, here is the barebones definition:

Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the belief that relationships should not be bound by rules aside from what the people involved mutually agree upon. If a relationship anarchist has multiple intimate partners, it might be considered as a form of polyamory, but distinguishes itself by postulating that there need not be a formal distinction between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.

Relationship anarchists look at each relationship (romantic, platonic or otherwise) individually, as opposed to categorizing them according to societal norms such as 'just friends', 'in a relationship', or 'in an open relationship'.

That’s Wikipedia and I’m okay with their definition.

Here’s a few more extensions that I like:

“A relationship anarchist begins from a place of assuming total freedom and flexibility as the one in charge of their personal relationships and decides on a case by case basis what they want each relationship to look like.”

“Relational anarchists are often highly critical of conventional cultural standards that prioritize romantic and sex-based relationships over non-sexual or non-romantic relationships. Instead, RA seeks to eliminate specific distinctions between or hierarchical valuations of friendships versus love-based relationships, so that love-based relationships are no more valuable than are platonic friendships...another important theme within RA is the resistance to placing demands or expectations on the people involved in a relationship.”

Here are the bits that matter to me:

Full autonomy= I want to be in charge of myself and what I want as well as filling my own needs. After all, anarchy does not mean ‘no rules’ but rather ‘NO RULERS!’

No expectations= In line with the previous piece, I don’t want to have or have placed on me expectations that are often unreasonable or unreachable. If there are no expectations, things happen based on what someone has to OFFER-their hand is extended full of what they can share-instead of what I THINK SHOULD HAPPEN-my hand open and empty begging for something I expect them to give me.

No hierarchy=No one is more important than anyone else.

This is how I love. I always have. I have deep intimate friendships as much as I have romantic ones. I want to have my heart touch their heart. I don’t have large groups of people in my life.

I have a handful of people that mean everything to me.

Evolution=Step by step the relationship creates its own life that evolves with time and investment into something incredibly beautiful. And because every step must be looked at and communicated about before the next step, and there are no prescriptive stairs to climb, the relationship is a journey instead of a destination.

If you’re asking the question about polyamory because it stuck to you from the Wikipedia definition, the answer is yes, of course polyamory--the love of multiple people--would be part of this. If you love all your people, all your partners regardless of a label, you are potentially going to have more than one person you have sex with as well as more than one person you don’t. It’s called ethical non-monogamy and it is brilliant.

It is such an incredible thing to be freed of the idea that one person has to be everything to me. It provides perspective.

I have many needs, but I can present any portion of those as something I want from a person based on what they have to offer.

It’s the best kind of authentic gift giving.

Also, I don’t go hungry as often as I used to.

I was starved for love and attention.

And while it is true, that many people stuck in amatonormativity—the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship—cannot break free of this societal norm, there are many people searching for the answer to the wrongness they feel in such relationships.

These people are enlightened and on their way to self-actualization and are

WHO I WANT IN MY LIFE!

We feed each other, loving as we want and as we can.

You may be thinking, “She’s just having a knee jerk reaction to leaving the church and her divorce, pushing herself to the other side of the spectrum. It’s a stage that will eventually end.”

I believe you are wrong.

I have been practicing RA for over two years now and do not see an end.

I have had many partners, some who have passed through my life.

The inevitable transience of this lifestyle is a hard thing, because sometimes what someone can give me doesn’t last a long time. But even in the heartbreak of their leaving there is peace knowing that what I had with that individual was more honest, more real than most of my marriage.

And

some stay.

Our evolution is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my entire life.

I am learning what love is in an organic way as it becomes what both partners want it to be.

It is glorious and beautiful (to steal a phrase God says from the temple representation of the creation of the earth).

I find it fitting,

I’m CREATING love!

Now you might be asking, “What about jealousy?”

And you are right, there is jealousy. But jealousy wears many faces and when you stop trying to control others jealousy’s biggest face disappears. And what you discover is what your own jealousy is based on at its roots. Mine is about self-worth. I am not sure I’m worthy or worth as much as another. After some reassurance from my partner—that I’ve asked for because it is my job to advocate for myself—I find instead of jealousy I feel kinship with those people that love my people.

We have good taste after all!

And with every successful step my inner bell’s reverberation is renewed and deepened.

It is this ‘ringing true’ within oneself that I believe to be the best guide for my life--and in my opinion--for yours as well.

Shakespeare wrote, “This above all, to thine own self be true.”

What rings true for you?

You can’t hear it, but rather you must feel it.

It is inside yourself and not an exterior envisioned cold rod of iron, but rather a living bell that’s sound enters your every cell on every plane.

When something resonates

do not ignore it

especially just because someone outside tells you God wants differently.

Understand that I do not put aside basic human morality.

Some people find pleasure in the pain of others.

I am not talking about just doing everything that feels good to everyone no matter the cost.

I am talking about listening to your own heart—once you free it from what others say it should feel.

Here is what I know:

I have lived by a thousand rules.

And now I live by only two.

They answer two questions:

Will it hurt someone?

Is it good for me?

If the answers are respectively ‘no’ then ‘yes’ I do it.

True, there are more implications within those two questions and answers, but they are my personal compass that works only for me, pointing me in a thousand directions instead on only a single iron one.

The diversity of this journey has brought me to such beauty and joy.

The newest being the discovery of my own bisexuality.

RA has also broken the heteronormative shackles my Mormon prescripted marriage bound me with. I finally understand the love I had for a girl long ago during high school and the intimacy I find in the touch and company of other women.

I am reveling in exploring where that intimacy can go and my bell rings as I find and partake of the fruit of the Tree of Life--growing in more places than one.

Turns out it is your inner bell that leads you to that Tree and its pleasurable fruit, not some cold, harsh rod of iron.

And through this journey I have found that my bell leads me to not just that Tree,

but an entire Grove.

A world of joy and life my idea of a loving God could get behind.

An expanse open for you and I to experience all that we can.

Once more I urge you to just let go.

Find the fruit once forbidden and eat.

And then, eat more.

Be greedy my friends.

I deserve it

And so do you.

-Angela

[biofunmy]

‘Thrones,’ ‘Fleabag’ top Emmys, Billy Porter makes history

“Game of Thrones” resurrected the Iron Throne at Sunday’s Emmy ceremony, ruling as top drama on a night of surprises in which “Pose” star Billy Porter made history and the comedy series “Fleabag” led a British invasion that overturned expectations.

“This all started in the demented mind of George R.R. Martin,” said “Game of Thrones” producer David Benioff, thanking the author whose novels were the basis of HBO’s fantasy saga.

Porter, who stars in the FX drama set in the LGBTQ ball scene of the late 20th century, became the first openly gay man to win a best drama series acting Emmy .

“God bless you all. The category is love, you all, love. I’m so overjoyed and so overwhelmed to have lived to see this day,” said an exuberant Porter, resplendent in a sparkling suit and swooping hat.

Amazon’s “Fleabag,” a dark comedy about a dysfunctional woman, was honored as best comedy and earned writing and top acting honors for its British creator and star, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, as well as a best director trophy.

“This is getting ridiculous,” Waller-Bridge said in her third trip to the stage to collect the top trophy.

Her acting win blocked “Veep” star Julia Louis-Dreyfus from setting a record as the most-honored performer in Emmy history. “Fleabag’s” showing denied a fond farewell for its final season.

“Nooooo!” a shocked-looking Waller-Bridge said as Louis-Dreyfus smiled for the cameras. “Oh, my God, no. Thank you. I find acting really hard and really painful. But it’s all about this,” she said, her acting trophy firmly in hand.

In accepting the writing award earlier, she called the Emmy recognition proof that “a dirty, pervy, messed-up woman can make it to the Emmys.”

Porter, a Tony and Grammy Award winning performer, relished his groundbreaking moment. Quoting the late writer James Baldwin, he said it took him many years to believe he has the right to exist.

“I have the right, you have the right, we all have the right,” he said.

English actress Jodie Comer was honored as best drama actress for “Killing Eve.” She competed with co-star Sandra Oh, who received a Golden Globe for her role and would have been the first actress of Asian descent to win an Emmy in the category.

“My mum and dad are in Liverpool (England) and I didn’t invite them because I didn’t think this was going to be my time. One, I’m sorry, two I love you,” Comer said after saluting Oh.

Bill Hader won his second consecutive best comedy actor award for the hit man comedy “Barry.”

Peter Dinklage, named best supporting actor for “Game of Thrones,” set a record for most wins for the same role, four, breaking a tie with Aaron Paul of “Breaking Bad.”

“I count myself so fortunate to be a member of a community that is about nothing but tolerance and diversity, because in no other place I could be standing on a stage like this,” said Dinklage, who is a dwarf.

“Ozark” star Julia Garner won the best supporting drama actress trophy against a field including four actresses from “Game of Thrones.”

The auditorium erupted in cheers when Jharrel Jerome of “When They See Us,” about the Central Park Five case , won the best actor award for a limited series movie.

“Most important, this is for the men that we know as the Exonerated Five,” said Jerome, naming the five wrongly convicted men who were in the audience. They stood and saluted the actor as the crowd applauded them.

It was the only honor for the acclaimed Netflix series of the evening; “Chernobyl” won the best limited series honor.

The ceremony was brisk but, without a host, was overly reliant on the hit-and-miss jokes of presenters. It was ultimately the surprising wins such as Comer’s and the meaningful selections of Porter and Jerome that made the show.

HBO retained its durable front-runner status with the help of “Game of Thrones'” record-tying 12 wins. The channel had a total of 34 awards from Sunday and last weekend’s creative arts ceremony.

But streaming hit new Emmy heights, powered by Amazon Prime winners “Fleabag,” ”The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” and “A Very English Scandal,” and Netflix’s “Bandersnatch (Black Mirror),” honored as best movie. Netflix collected 27 awards and Amazon nabbed 15.

Michelle Williams, honored as best actress for her portrayal of dancer Gwen Verdon in FX’s limited series “Fosse/Verdon,” issued a call to arms for gender and ethnic equality .

She thanked the network and studio behind the project for “paying me equally because they understood … when you put value into a person, it empowers that person to get in touch with their own inherent value. And where do they put that value, they put it into their work.

“And so the next time a woman and, especially a woman of color, because she stands to make 52 cents on the dollar compared to her white male counterpart, tells you what she needs in order to do her job, listen to her,” Williams said.

Patricia Arquette won the trophy best supporting limited-series or movie actress for “The Act.” She paid emotional tribute to her late trans sister, Alexis Arquette , and called for an end to prejudice against trans people, including in the workplace.

Ben Whishaw took the category’s supporting actor trophy for “A Very English Scandal,” admitting in charming British fashion to a hangover.

Alex Borstein and Tony Shalhoub of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel” won best comedy supporting acting awards.

“I want to dedicate this to the strength of a woman, to (series creator) Amy Sherman-Palladino, to every woman on the ‘Maisel’ cast and crew,” Borstein said, and to her mother and grandmother. Her grandmother survived because she was courageous enough to step out of a line that, Borstein intimated, would have led to her death at the hands of Nazi Germany.

“She stepped out of line. And for that, I am here and my children are here, so step out of line, ladies. Step out of line,” said Borstein, who also won the award last year.

Shalhoub added to his three Emmys which he earned for his signature role in “Monk.”

The awards opened without a host as promised, with an early exchange pitting Ben Stiller against Bob Newhart.

“I’m still alive,” Newhart told Stiller, who introduced him as part of a wax museum comedy hall of fame that included Lucille Ball and George Burns.

Kim Kardashian West and Kendall Jenner drew some mocking laughter in the audience when they presented the reality competition award after Kardashian West said their family “knows firsthand how truly compelling television comes from real people just being themselves.”

An animated Homer Simpson made a brief appearance on stage until he was abruptly crushed, with Anderson of “black-ish” rushing in to, as he vowed, rescue the evening. He called “Breaking Bad” star Bryan Cranston on stage to tout the power of television from its beginning to the current golden age.

“Television has never been bigger. Television has never mattered more. And television has never been this damn good,” Cranston said.

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Online:

http://bit.ly/2Vfsp7t .

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Associated Press Writer Beth Harris and AP Entertainment Writer Lindsey Bahr contributed to this report.

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Lynn Elber is at lelber@ap.org and on Twitter at http://twitter.com/lynnelber

Sahred From Source link Entertainment

from WordPress http://bit.ly/2AASSTA via IFTTT

[melitame]

21 Day Soul Cleansing Journey (Day 5: Trusting Uncertainty) 1.5.18

(Melita Irie Muzik ૐ)

I had the delightful pleasure of interviewing a dear spirit who is here to talk to us about trusting uncertainty on our road to conscious authenticity. She’s an entrepreneur, a wise teacher, a mother, and I’m grateful to call a new friend.

Welcome to Day 5: Trusting Uncertainty

I have to say, @dianaheise is a boss woman! I truly am so inspired by her courage and self-will power to live on an island for 9 months and re-establish a brand new community!

I had an amazing time, as always, talking with her and just hanging out, and I love how unafraid she is to follow her heart. That is the epitome of following your Bliss Work.

There’s truly nothing like a good soul-to-soul conversation with a trusted kindred spirit. I think we should all have at least one person in our life that we can open up to (on and off the record).

Diana, thank you so much for sharing your amazing, adventurous story of trusting uncertainty and how your “Non-Plan Plan” guided you to a beautifully blessed life full of love and joy. You have opened paradigm shifts within me tenfold, and I’m so grateful that we get to share this conversation to the world.

*If you want to listen to the full interview, check out my Melita Irie Muzik podcast: www.soundcloud.com/melitaME

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meditation/Movement:

The Surrender yoga class on Thursdays is lead by a strong-powered woman, Elektra, who reads us centering thoughts to help us get through the uncomfortable positions. One that particularly stuck with me read (some content has been modified to best fit for me):

“I breathe freely, fully and deeply.

I trust the process of life. I trust the process of love. I trust the process of light.

I am safe. I am safe. I am safe.”

When facing uncertainty, remember that you are never misguided by the Source Creator of Love, no matter how uncomfortable your current position is. You are a child of God, and you will always be protected when walking on your road to conscious love. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now, let’s connect – you, Diana, and me. Your story matters just as much as the rest, and we wanna know:

“Are you going through a time in your life where if you could just trust the unknown, it could take you into a world of new possibilities? What is your uncertainty ‘Non-Plan Plan’?”

Join us in the conversation over at the 21 Day Soul Cleansing Journey Facebook page with your gut-bubbling moment that resonated with you to the core. Comment with the hashtag “GBM” (gut-bubbling moment).

“It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a globe to transform a generation. And we need YOU!”

Thanks so much for sharing your invaluable space.

Until next time…

Book to read: “If the Buddha Got Stuck” by Charlotte Kasol

Peace and Love,

Jae Tafari

~Connect~

Facebook: 21 Day Soul Cleansing Journey

“Life as MelitaME” Blog: tumblr.com/MelitaME

Melita Irie Muzik Podcast: soundcloud.com/MelitaME

Instagram @LifeAsMelitaME   *    @indiFEM_LLC

Twitter: @indiFEM_LLC       *    @LifeAsMelitaME 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Diana Heise is a filmmaker, photographer, writer, performance and social practice artist. Her work has been exhibited in galleries and festivals internationally, including the Brooklyn Museum, the Film Anthology Archives, Oriel Myrddin Gallery, Cantor Art Center, Institut Français de Maurice, Soho20 Chelsea Gallery, Des Moines Art Center, the H&R Block Artspace and Drain, among others.Diana is a recipient of a Fulbright Fellowship in the Creative and Performing Arts, a Performance Art Fund Grant from the Franklin Furnace Inc. as well as a Presidential Fellowship at the American University in Cairo.Diana has spoken about her work at venues such as the Parsons School of Art and Design, Stanford University and the Kemper Museum of Contemporary Art.Diana holds an MFA in Photography, Video and Related Media from the School of Visual Arts in New York, NY and a BA in Art History from Vassar College. She’s an Associate Professor of Photography and Filmmaking at the Kansas City Art Institute. Diana lives and works in North Hero, VT and Kansas City, MO.

Please feel free to contact Diana via email at dianaheise@gmail.com or follow her on Facebook, Instagram or Tumblr.