#i neeeeed more threads help

[silvertiefling]

&&. Starter Call Like This Post for a random starter (or hmu to plot)!

[nyamiriver-blog]

Tonights ramble.

In the Norwegian Prime minister NewYears Speach she uttered that we need more children in Norway. And for me, as the thinker I am, I've gone trough my fair share, no shame, just this is my life, and I've become wiser and softer from doing inner work, and being in so much damn pain that I had to search out in the world for answers, and from my pure intention to actually heal all this ancestoral trauma and guilt and patterns.. Has led me into meeting awesome people from all over the world, learned about meditation, the wisdom of ancient China, Qi Gong, Herbal medicine, sound and color theraphy, learned about psycology and how we can re-program our mind and basically change the blueprint of where to take our own lives..

Im sitting here now, learning from the Universe that I neeeeed to be more confident and take my power back, not sit at the sidelines of life, observing others and thinking I NEED others to live my life and have a life.. Being co-dependant to the degree that I oversee my intuition, EVEN after all Ive learned about how intuitive and intune we can be... Just beacuse I have been traumatised to the degree that I have MANY triggers troughout the day, so I cant sometimes even see my own essence, because the motions around me, sends me into so much erroneous emotion and fears... So on a good day, Im going to the gym, having fun, cause Im wierd like that, I NEED to laugh to enjoy working out, and in the current mindset of me, and correct me if Ive interpreted this wrong, I dont feel like I can go to the Gym when its people there, cause you might think I dont know what the hell Im doing and also think Im too damn goofy.. The gym cuture has become so serious, like, you have to run to impress, lift to impress and do the reps like we've read in the fitness guides.. But I CANT DO THAT, I need it to be more playful.. Like if I want to do 40 reps one time, and then 3 reps of different excersises, I want to be able to do that without anyone judging me back into insecurity, by sending me wierd looks, therefore I am at the gym late at night, which controlles my flow every day, because sometimes I am energetic at 10 am, or 1.45 pm, but since I have to work out so seriously at those times, It kills my enthusiasm. And this is not something I can change, because this is my honest to God truth.. I am this person, that does not fit into this society and at the same time, am not wanting to endure judgements just because Im a wierdo. So rant end, I'll keep working out late at night in the winter, and go into the forest every summer insted of hanging around other homo sapiens. So for me, what I know for sure, if you have issues, and feel co-dependant on people that are not good for you, you will be unhappy and you will not reach your potential, in my opinion, if you are going to make it, you have to move into an apartment alone, be with yourself for at least a year, and not to netflix and chill, sit like I do now, write out your thoughts in a thread like this, feeeeel your body, breathe.. close your eyes, move your upper body, maybe strech and just look at the cealing or even better the sky.. and stay with yourself.. So much of who we are these days are diluted and molded by what we think others need us to be, or by not having enough time to figure out what we mean before we agree in a conversation with our closest people.. The less grounded I am, and the less aware I am, the more of a leaf blowing in the wind I am..

So if you are like me, loosing friends and alienating people because you have issues, its a good thing to lose them for a while, even if society in based on "popularity contests", by trying out not being populair and spending time alone, you most likely will find more of what you need to be happy for the rest of your time in this human suit.

I feel like I should not end here, beacuse what lead me to start writing was a thought of Erna Solberg and a horse transport wagon I saw today..

If we need more kids in the world, for the economy and for "taking care of us when we are old and scony", then shouldnt we at least make it a friendly place to want to come into?

Shouldnt humans that has found a mate, and that want to reproduce, at least have a psycology screening and a "are you capable of being a teacher and a loving example" tests? 

We have so much family stuff to deal with before we are ready to make new humans, and so many dont even think about this stuff, they just raise more hurt adults and it goes on and on.. 

We are not even taking care of our animals, our nature, our school teachings are from the stone age, our money system is not working anymore, our medical systems and hostpitals arent working, our mental health institutions are not working, the food game is weak... Even though I love the way everything is changing sloooowly, for me its too slow.. when we have all the info to make huge changes now, by embracing that what we have been doing for 2000 years IS NOT WORKING.

So in my opinion, Im adopting, because the kid is allready here, and I am knowlegable enough to help that kid out on navigating this world, but lets be honest, Im 31 yo, and I have a huge issue with finding and trusting a man, so will that be good for the kid? To just have one parent? Because from where Im standing, even though I was lucky to be born in a household that gave me the basic needs and a earth spot that has peace, the wars in our home and what I had to stand in alone, has not only broken me down to the core of my being, it has also put a life on hold and Ive ruined many parts of people on my way to this place because of that.. From a loving, trustworthy, happy, curious and capable human baby, came a broken, sad, spiteful, hateful and self destructive middle child, into drug abuse and sexual promiscous teen, into a mentally ill young adult, into a confused and shut down adult who tends to just wanna spend time alone with my youtube people, because there I can choose to be around people who I love and learn from, but its very lonely and one sided.. Cause to them Im just another subscriber who comments to feel connected, but to me, Im a valuable human being doing her best with what she has been given..

So for whoever reads this, I hope you find your people, your happiness and uncondtional self love and follow and share your bliss! <3