#i needed a break and had to walk away
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â ď¸Marineford spoilers belowâ ď¸
me rn after watching that absolutely soul crushing shitshow even though I knew he was gonna die

Like I know the show would be on a completely different track if he'd lived but damn it doesn't hurt any less
Hearing Luffy crying like that reslly just set it in stone. I want to hug the baby.
#one piece spoilers#like really they built that up just to give us that TRAGEDY#i knew it was gonna happen and still#took me out like a truck#i needed a break and had to walk away#big oof#i watched it once before i was a fan but now it hits way harder#i miss him already dammit
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How do you sleep at night? No one to hide behind Betrayed every alibi you had You had every chance to make amends instead you got drunk on bitterness And you still claim that you're innocent, it's sad
#daniel ricciardo#dr3#christian horner#for the blacklists#I recognize that christian horner in a gifset is NOT the kind of content people in ricnation are looking for rn#debated posting this but fuck it#me đ¤đź daniel: two bitches that love a depressing song lyric#it's about breaking free from a toxic relationship and the importance of prioritizing one's own needs#and that it can take a long time to recognize the dynamics at play in those relationships#and removing yourself from that situation can be just as hard and that just kind of epitomizes daniel with christian for me#in the return to rbr I think daniel trusted that CH would at the very least be straight forward and upfront with him#even if the end result wasn't what daniel wanted or hoped for#daniel could handle not getting the rbr seat#but something he couldn't handle was the truth that the one person he believed he could trust was gaslighting him and using him#and daniel had a light bulb moment - the point where you realize that sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away#and so he got out#also this is obviously my interpretation of a relationship that I have zero insider info on and maybe they are chill now#as alwaysâŚthinking too deeply about people I donât know in the tags#also i recognize that this song is actually about a tiktok hype house but whatever rbr are that immature so it fits#this is my first go with this type of editing in PS so if you have any tips on style and execution i'm all ears#Apparently i also owe CH an apology bc i was so sure he didn't shake daniel's hand pre-race in singapore but he actually did and i missed i#during the breakdown i was having anyway fuck him still
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Don't mind me, enjoying a little sudden-onset spring (of deception?) âď¸
#ore no kao#early office day for some quick knee physical therapy#then a quick break watching doggos stroll by before walking to the gym#also i always get nostalgic at madison square park bc i kissed my first two guys here (first in like 2014)#and i could certainly use that third time charm sometime#not too bad a day for being on 4.5hrs of sleep#also the pain of finding a spin class that fits my Monday-office-day/remote-rest-of-week schedule among the Crunch gyms closer to me đŠ#i miss the best one i've had on Tuesdays at 7 at my home gym but that's too far away from me to make after a 6pm clockout sigh#knee needs to get it together so i can jog again#like the one shirtless jogger i've already seen in a sign that spring is truly coming#also doechii's 'anxiety' is making points as a gotye rework--thanks office elevator news screen
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god almighty (non-religious), i wish i wasn't low empathy. it sucks so much when a friend is not okay but you can't find the right script for how to handle that right now and you can't make yourself care as much as you feel you should. maybe if i was less tired and generally depressed myself, or if there was an active problem that could be solved, then i could actually figure out what to say. i can listen to venting fine, but i'm not about to promp it or anything because i don't really know if it's prying or prompting sometimes.
like, darling, i don't mean to just not answer you but you're clearly in a bad mood and not lending yourself to a normal conversation structure because of it, and i don't know what to say so i'm not saying a damn thing. sorry you aren't doing well, i wish you were and stuff, but i also don't naturally have the pieces that make me able to respond to that shit so i've elected to simply not.
#npd#actually npd#autism#actually autistic#low empathy#hes done a shitty job at responding to me objectively not doing well too#so im not sweating being a shitty friend#i wish i could do better but he should understand not knowing how to respond#otherwise hes a hypocrite#because hes watched me cry and have a panic attack at work and literally say âif i cant step away soon i will fucking walk outâ thru tears#and his response was âlol alrightâ and not taking my spot or anything to get me a smoke break#when i was specifically telling him that i needed to step away for a minute#so his responses arent top notch or anything either#itd be cool if i had the energy to figure out a proper response#i want to be a good friend#id do anything for him if directly asked but im bad at guessing at how to help/care about people unfortunately#so theres that
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I had a funny thought earlier for something, but I need to wait until l have a design for one of the characters, so I canât do it now
I suppose I can explain it here, given it probably wonât get much attention beforehand anyways. Though itâs not gonna sound as funny in my poor explanation though
Basically I thought itâd be funny if my AUâs Prowl (heâs half thought up in my head), who doesnât really talk much, just goes up to Jazz and kisses him full on the mouth, and then just walks away, leaving Jazz in complete confusion
Just because you know, thereâs a way to have jazzprowl in there, even I personally am generally neutral on the ship. I donât know if itâll be in the AU, probably not, but I thought it was funny
#also Prowl didnât do it as a dare or anything he kisses Jazz genuinely#heâs just really hard to read and doesnât verbalize his thoughts often#so like imagine heâs had something for Jazz this whole time he just never verbalized it#and he does this while Jazz is completely blindsided#and then he just doesnât elaborate he just walks away#probably internally thinking it was successful or something#or whatever heâs thinking idk#I guess Prowlâs next on the design checklist#Iâm gonna need more cardboard paper Iâm gonna be leaving work soon for summer break#anyways yeah I hope my explanation was sufficiently funny enough until I can draw it#I also kind of made this so Iâd remember the idea#transformers#transformers au#tf Jazz#tf prowl#jazzprowl#random stuff
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I said I've been awake since about 4:30 BUT I also fell asleep around 10:30 or so I think
I think I have found my sleep solution(ish) the 12 hour sleep video with the singing bowls or whatever it is and the better earplugs and maybe watch my caffeine intake.
#i need to start doing more exercise#i go on my stupid little walks but the food here is going to give me a heart attack#if i have one i would be better off having it here#my friend dave just had another one at age 41#he went in on like saturday and they scheduled an angiogram for monday#made him sit in the hospital for 2 days bc the doctor was away or something#meanwhile they found out on monday he had another 99% blockage just like the 1st one#the widowmaker x2 and he's not even married#the poor guy has another tumor on the other side of his head#the guy can't catch a break I'm worried about him#did i mention this is my friend who had a kidney transplant like 4.5 years ago?#sigh#if you can spare some good thoughts please send them out for him
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#[ tako8yaki ] â general.#[ i WILL. eventually rephrase this tag ramble better bc arlong deserves his own post but just.#[ thinks about hatchan's relationship with arlong what if guy you knew since you were kids and who always had your back#[ when no one else did what if this guy you love and care for and choose to follow was making you actively worse#[ and you Know it but what if you don't care. What if you just. Don't care#[ what if what you care about is Him and his grief and his rage#[ what if you know what he's doing in wrong but you enable him anyway? because you want him to be happy#[ you want him to be king and you'll cheer for him every step on the way no matter how the blood pools because he's your best friend#[ because you care about him. And it's So horribly selfish but aren't pirates supposed to be selfish?#[ i need to stress that it's hatchan's decision to follow arlong and he's So utterly complicit#[ and it's so.#[ what if hachi says he's done running away and pretending but he's running still away from one specific something#[ of what he would do if he saw arlong again#[ what if he doesn't want to think about it but what if he does anyway. What if he doesn't know and that's terrifying#[ what if hachi misses him every day but what if hachi's different now and he doesn't know how arlong would react to that#[ what if hachi can't laugh things off the way he used to. What if they hadn't seen each other in while#[ and what if they both changed#[ what if it'd break Hachi's heart to let Arlong walk away and it'd break Hachi's heart to walk away from the life He's made#[ what if he's forever in debt to nami and the straw hats and what if he can never forgive arlong#[ but that's okay to him because he can never forgive himself either#[ and what if the one thing that he knows for sure is that if arlong needed him. hachi would answer#[ your honor that's his bestie#[ your honor Hachi has seen him at his worst and saw arlong digging deeper and all he'd done is grabbed a shovel and joined in to help him#[ what if it could be about growth and compromise and healing but what if hachi's afraid of hoping.#[ but what if he could do it scared anyway#[ MAN. what if i gaf about them#[ me when i see vi's arlong for 1 (one) second and immediately gets ill...
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stop and listen to what the wind whispers to you
#furry#sfw furry#concept art#landscape#ichor#this is somewhere along where the wind dragon hangs out a lot of the time#for one reason or another ichor's stopping to take a rest away from his group#i could've refined this forever but i just got so tired of looking at it and i needed it to be done at some point#the thumbnail for this wasn't very well thought out and i feel like that shows#oh well#at least i drew it. ugh#this was agony through and through except for the mountains lol#i had a good time rendering those#everything else? christ my wrist will be glad to take a break#worked on over the span of a month because i had to walk away and do something else for a bit#forgot to turn on my work timer for it and maybe that's for the better
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Almost had a heart attack thinking that I might have grown out of all my black skinny jeans that I could use for Crowley. Thankfully I have a pair that still fits bc I don't know who I am without at least one pair of black jeans as my anchor. I am considering dyeing them a darker black though bc they're a tad faded...
#jeans as a whole are a constant in my life anyways but I always need to have one pair of black jeans that I can wear constantly#these are the things I think about on my lunch break lmao#i used to be a bit more of David Tennant's build but I have since become that John Mulaney quote thats like#look at that high waisted man he got feminine hips!!!#and so I had to give my tighter jeans away but now that I know I have a pair that fits i'll be utilizing the hips for the crowley walk :)#cosplans
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10 Ways You Ruin His Day (and 10 Ways You Ruin His Self-Control)
I originally made this list as character notes for future stories â I love digging deep into their dynamics and really breaking them down. But honestly? I couldnât not share. Would love to hear your thoughts too: what do you think drives them absolutely mad, and what turns them into helpless fluff puddles? đ¤
đ Top 10 Things That Make Caleb Absolutely, Irrevocably Mad
1 He doesnât know where you are Even when it makes sense. Even when youâre safe. Even when heâs on the far side of a tunnel with no signal and too much time to think. The silence eats at him, turns every breath into a countdown. By the time heâs back, no one on the base dares talk to him until youâre in his line of sight again.
2 You come home with a bouquet of flowers from another man Itâs not jealousy, really. Itâs⌠fury dressed in olive green. Youâre standing there, smiling, saying some poor man gave you flowers because you saved his life. Great. Fantastic. Calebâs thrilled that his girlfriend is both competent and accidentally irresistible. But now he has to pretend this isnât bothering him while mentally comparing the man's face to strategic punching surfaces.
3 You climb on unstable furniture to reach something You know, nothing fancyâjust a stack of books on top of a chair thatâs on top of a bench. And you? Balancing like a gremlin in fuzzy socks. He walks in and suddenly the war flashbacks begin. You think itâs funny. He thinks itâs a workplace hazard, and you are the HR violation.
4 You rearrange his model planes He adores you. Worships the ground you walk on. Would throw himself in front of an oncoming dropship for you. But if you dust his shelf and dare to reorder his starfighters and aircrafts by vibes instead of model number? He's already rewriting his will. In blood.
5 You do something reckless and then smile about it You say ârelax, I had a plan.â He hears: âI almost died, and Iâd do it again, because Iâm cute and unstoppable.â That smile? That grin you give when you know exactly what you did and youâre proud of it? Thatâs why he needs stress meds. And maybe a punching bag with your face on it. (Lovingly.)
6 You casually mention the girl he used to date You say it with a smirk, like itâs just some harmless teenage memory. But he doesnât see herâhe sees you. You, standing in the doorway that day. You, catching him with her, both of them half-undressed. And you looking at him like something cracked between you. Back then, you were off-limits. You were the girl he wasnât allowed to want. So he wanted someone else. Easier. Safer. And now, years later, you bring it up like itâs nothingâwhile heâs still trying not to remember how badly he wished it had been you.
7 You werenât his first kissâbut worse, he wasnât yours It never comes up. Not out loud. But he remembers. Vividly. The hallway. The way your face lit up. The boy leaning in. You smiling. And Calebâwatching from across the room, fists clenched, jaw tight, playing the role of older brother when his whole body screamed mine. You never talk about it. But he never forgot. Never will. Because that moment shouldâve been hisâand someone else took it first.
8 You walk away during a fight, or shut down emotionally You call it âspace.â He calls it âpsychological warfare.â You shut down. He short-circuits. Nothing drives him more insane than trying to fix something while youâre actively ghosting him across the living room. Heâd rather you screamed. Threw something. Anything. But this quiet? This distance? Thatâs the one thing he doesnât know how to fight.
9 You cryâespecially if itâs because of him And then heâs done. Game over. His spine straightens like heâs under military command and his entire soul just went through the paper shredder. You cry, and suddenly heâs the villain. You say âitâs not your fault,â but that doesnât matter. Heâs already rewriting the past and taking full responsibility. And yes, heâll suffer in complete silence. Like a man.
10 You secretly try to uncover what heâs hiding from you You call it curiosity. He calls it a breach of protocol punishable by full emotional lockdown. You think youâre clever. He thinks you just walked into classified territory barefoot, blindfolded, and with a target on your back. You were never supposed to see that side of his world. And now that you have? He doesnât know whether to yell, hold you, or lock you in a room with military-grade firewalls and a blanket.
đ Top 10 Things That Turn Caleb Into a Complete Fluff-Mess
You wearing his dog tags / uniform shirt / flight jacket Instant puddle. No chance. He sees you in his gear and his brain just... shuts off. All he can think is mine mine mine, and he gets this dumb, soft little smirk like heâs trying so hard not to combust.
You falling asleep on himâespecially mid-conversation Youâre curled into his side, mumbling something about dinner plans, and then: silence. He looks down, sees you asleep on his chest, and thatâs it. Whole day ruined. Cancel all missions. Heâs not moving.
You bringing him coffee exactly the way he likes itâwithout asking That quiet, thoughtful act? Hits him right in the soldier-shaped heart. He doesnât even know how to process being taken care of, so he stares at the cup like it just proposed to him.
You absentmindedly touching himâfiddling with his fingers, tracing scars, playing with his hair He pretends he doesnât care. He does. He cares so much he forgets how to breathe. Just turns into a warm, red-eared statue trying not to whimper.
You whispering âI trust youâ or âI feel safe with youâ in a soft moment Core memory unlocked. He stores that one like sacred intel. Will literally whisper it back to himself at 3 AM when heâs lying awake, missing you. It breaks him in the best way.
You clinging to him in your sleep / pulling him closer without waking up Caleb.exe has stopped functioning. He will lie perfectly still for HOURS if it means not disturbing that moment. Bonus points if you mumble his name while doing it.
You defending him when someone questions his methods or past Heâs used to being the shieldânot having someone stand in front of him. The second you raise your voice on his behalf? He falls in love with you all over again. Might even cry. Secretly.
You gently helping him out of his gear after a long day Soft hands on his buckles. A kiss to his shoulder. A low âYouâre home now.â Thatâs how you make a Colonel melt. His fingers twitch like he wants to worship the ground you walk on.
You surprising him with something dumb and heartfelt, like a handmade gift or bad sketch of him He acts gruffâsays âthe hell is this, Pips?ââbut then puts it in his locker or keeps it in his chest pocket for missions like itâs sacred treasure. Because it is.
You calling him âbabyâ / âhandsomeâ / âsweetheartâ when he least expects it He acts like itâs annoying. It is not annoying. It turns him into actual butter. If you do it with a teasing smile? He short-circuits. Might drop something. Might combust. Definitely blushes.
𩺠Top 10 Things That Make Zayneâs Calm Snap Like a Microsurgical Thread
You ignore his instructions when you're sick You had a fever of 102°F. He left explicit care instructionsâbed rest, fluids, minimal movement. You, sweating and glassy-eyed, decided this was the perfect time to rearrange the furniture. When he came home and found you dragging a bookshelf across the room âbecause the light felt wrong,â he genuinely considered sedating you. Not as punishment. As damage control. For both of you.
You order greasy fast food instead of going somewhere ânutritionally viableâ He offered to cook. You said no. Twenty minutes later, youâre eating fries from a paper bag while half of it spills on his clean table. You grin. He stares. Not angry at the food. Angry because you rejected his precision, then settled for processed chaos.
You leave wet towels on the floor after every shower Heâs not sure when it started. Day three? Day five? But every time he walks into the bathroom and steps into cold, soggy cotton, something in him fractures. You claim you âforget.â He suspects a psychological experiment.
You casually mention spending time with male friends You think itâs harmless. Lunch with Caleb. Training advice from Xavier. You light up when you talk about themâand thatâs the problem. Zayne doesnât say anything. Doesnât raise a brow. But the sudden over-fixation on his email inbox says everything.
You receive a speeding ticket. Forty miles over the limit. You wave it off like itâs a funny little anecdote. He sits in absolute silence, calculating the stopping distance of your car vs. standard reaction time at that speed. You think heâs judging. Heâs actually trying not to scream.
You poke his ass. Specifically, between the cheeks. You call it âaffection.â He calls it âemotional terrorism.â He flinches like heâs been electrocuted, whips around with murder in his eyesâand youâre giggling like a gremlin. Later, you regret nothing, but your thighs may beg to differ.
When you diagnose him with internet psychology Youâve read one book on attachment styles and watched three reels about emotional unavailability. Now youâve decided he has "clinical avoidant tendencies with a hint of fear-based control fixation." He stares at you, deadpan, like he's about to perform your autopsy.
You keep spoiled food in the fridge and expired meds in the cabinet You say âit doesnât smell that badâ or âmaybe it still works.â His eye twitches. His gloves are already on. Heâs not even mad at youâheâs mad at entropy. Youâve become its agent.
You watch reality shows. About infidelity. Willingly. You claim itâs âjust background noise.â But he walks in and hears someone scream âthatâs not even your baby, Kyle!â and your eyes are glued to the screen. His soul briefly leaves his body.
You washed his white lab coat. With your pink unicorn pajamas. Itâs not just the color. Itâs the betrayal. The symbol of his clinical neutrality now smells like bubblegum and looks like cotton candy. You say itâs cute. He looks personally violated by the washing machine.
𩺠Top 10 Things That Make Zayne Soft Against His Will
You bring him lunch at the hospital He never asks. You just appearâarms full of neatly packed containers, face lit up like this isnât the third double shift heâs worked this week. He complains about the timing. The smell. The disruption. And then eats every bite with frightening focus. You leave. He stares at the empty container like itâs proof someone still believes heâs human.
You quote him back to himself like a philosopher You remember something he said weeks agoâsome throwaway line about time or structure or entropyâand you drop it casually in conversation, like itâs wisdom from an ancient text. He doesnât know how to react. You turned his logic into poetry, and heâll never recover from that.
You wear the little seal keychain he made He didnât think youâd keep it. Let alone turn it into your everyday keychain. But there it isâalways with you, worn smooth from touch. You twirl it absentmindedly while talking to him, never noticing the way his gaze lingers. Never realizing how something so small can hit him so hard.
You put a photo of the two of you on his desk It appears one day. No fanfare. Just⌠there. A moment frozen in light, sitting quietly beside his surgical reports and diagnostic schematics. At first, he moves it to the edge. Then back to center. Now it lives next to his pen. He doesnât talk about it. But itâs the only object on that desk he wipes clean with his bare hand.
His work shirt smells like you You borrowed it that morning, wore it while dancing around the apartment with wet hair and no real purpose. Hours later, when he pulls it on between rounds, the scent hits him like a loaded memory. He short-circuits mid-button. Everything feels warmer than it should.
You leave your phone with him while you shower No password. No hesitation. You toss it into his lap with a breezy âcan you clear out whateverâs making it lag?â and vanish behind steam. He sits there, phone in hand, suddenly trusted with everything. He opens nothing. But the fact that youâd let him? Thatâs the part that shakes him.
You ask for his opinion on minor discomforts A papercut. A weird freckle. A suspicious sneeze. You hold out your hand, utterly serious, asking what he thinks. Itâs laughable. Ridiculous. And it absolutely wrecks him. You could ask a dozen othersâbut you ask him. Like heâs the one who makes things better.
Youâre on top He likes control. Precision. Strategy. But when you climb into his lap, all instinct and fire, hands braced on his chest and lips already partedâhis brain stops cooperating. Thereâs something about you taking the lead that makes him unravel. Quietly. Violently. Completely.
You argue with him about complex theoriesâand mean it You donât just nod. You push back. You challenge. You quote sources he hasnât thought about in years. You spark. You flare. And he watches, fascinated, lips twitching with something dangerously close to pride. No one does this. No one dares. But you? You never flinch.
You whisper âI love youâ in your sleep Itâs not loud. Itâs not even clear. Just a faint breath in the dark, like a dream half-remembered. But he hears it. Every time. And though he never says a word in returnânot while you're sleepingâhis fingers tighten around your waist like he's anchoring himself to the only thing that matters.
đ¨ Top 10 Things That Make Rafayel Absolutely, Irrevocably Annoyed at You
You told him his painting was âniceâ You stood in front of a piece that cost him three sleepless nights, a minor existential crisis, and two broken brushesâand said âNice.â Just like that. No gasp, no poetry, no tears. He aged five years on the spot. Somewhere in the distance, a violin cried for him.
You dragged him to a cat exhibit You thought it would be cute. Enrichment. A bonding experience. Instead, he spent the entire time perched on edge, eyes darting like prey. You said âtheyâre just kittens.â He said nothing. He was too busy making sure none of them came closer than ten feet.
You cleaned his studio You thought you were being helpful. But you moved The Pile. The sacred, unholy, perfectly calibrated mess. Now he canât find his favorite brush, and also heâs deeply offended by how cheerful you looked doing it.
You didnât reply to his messages for over an hour He sent three texts, one meme, and a âthinking of you đâ voice note. You replied 67 minutes later with âsry was showering.â By then, heâd already decided you were breaking up with him, joining a cult, or possibly dead. He had a whole monologue planned. And now youâve ruined it.
You cut your hair He loved your long hair. Adored it. Worshipped it. You showed up with a sharp little bob and said âitâs just hair.â It is not just hair. It is the collapse of a visual era. Heâs still adjusting. And by adjusting, he means mourning with wine.
You made fun of his driving You muttered âtechnically, you were meant to let the tram go firstâ He muttered âtechnically, silence is golden.â His driving is instinct. Vibe. Energy. If you didnât want drama, you shouldnât have sat in the passenger seat of a man who parallel parks like heâs in a ballet.
You woke him up too early He went to bed at 4 a.m. because inspiration struck. You woke him at 7:12 like it was nothing, and said âyou have that interview, remember?â He does remember. He also remembers specifically telling you that if he ever falls asleep before sunrise, you are to let him die peacefully, cancel all earthly obligations, and throw his alarm clock into the ocean where it belongs.
You hid your phone screen when a message came in You were probably teasing. Just being playful. But now heâs spiraling. Who was it? Why the secrecy? What do you have to hide? Congratulationsâyouâve just activated his inner opera villain.
You got jealous Which is absurd. Heâs the one who invented possessive affection. But you being jealous? That makes him unreasonably indignant. What do you mean you âdidnât like the way that gallery girl looked at himâ? Of course she looked. But he didnât see her. He saw you.
You burned the bacon You say âitâs fine.â He says itâs charcoal. The entire kitchen smells like culinary war crimes. And now heâll have to burn incense and replant three garden beds to recover emotionally. Who even let you near the stove? Who hurt you? Was it⌠the bacon?
đ¨ Top 10 Ways You Accidentally Turned Rafayel Into a Purring, Love-Drunk Work of Art
You massage his head Heâs mid-rant. Arms crossed. Absolutely furious about the lighting in that gallery. And then your fingers slip into his hairâand just like that, the war is over. His entire body melts like heâs been tranquilized. Heâll deny it later, of course. But the way he leans into your hand? Case closed.
You claim him in public Itâs an art gala. Heâs dressed to ruin people. And then you slip your arm through his, fingers just tight enough to say mine. You smile like a goddess. He pretends heâs unaffected. Inside, heâs writing vows in ten languages and considering printing matching business cards.
You actually listen to his advice He knows he can be dramatic. Unfiltered. Emotionally volatile. But when you sit there, really listening, nodding like his words matterâyou destroy him. Suddenly heâs not the chaos. Heâs the compass. And that? Thatâs love.
You share every detail of your day over dinner You talk about everythingâthe lady at the store, the funny email, the awful latte. You give him your day like a story, like heâs the only one you wanted to tell. He leans in, listens too closely, files away each emotion like a collector of rare art.
Youâre always down for his wildest ideas Itâs 3 a.m. He wants to hike 2.5 miles along the beach, take a boat to a tiny island, and watch the sunrise with wine. You say âgive me five minutes.â And just like that, you become the only person worthy of his wildest, most beautiful chaos.
You let him photograph you Nothing compares. Not awards. Not praise. Nothing rivals the moment you look into his lensâbare, unfiltered, unashamed. Especially when youâre nude, glowing, and laughing like the world doesnât exist. Thatâs when he falls in love with you all over again. And again. And again.
You let him choose your dress You come out in the one he picked. Elegant. Perfect. You spin for him. And the way he watches you? Like he made you. Like youâre the gallery and heâs the only one with the key. Itâs not fashion. Itâs trust. And he adores you for it.
You sing when you donât know heâs home Wearing socks and earbuds, dancing with a broom, serenading your way through burnt pancakes. Youâre off-key. Glorious. Real. And he stands in the doorway, silent, just watching. Because in that momentâyouâre not posing. And heâs never loved you more.
You take care of him when heâs sick He has a fever of 99°F and insists heâs fading. You bring tea, stroke his hair, whisper that heâs âvery brave.â You donât mock him. You take his dramatics seriously. He will never forget it. He may also write you into his will.
You join him in the bathtub without asking Heâs already halfway submerged, music playing, steam curling in the airâand then you slip in behind him, no warning. You nudge your legs around his hips, hand him your shampoo, and let him wash your hair while you giggle. He tries to act unimpressed. But when he starts kissing your toes? Yeah. You win.
⨠Top 10 Behavioral Anomalies That Triggered Xavierâs Internal Alert System
You break an agreementâeven if it's âjust a small oneâ Itâs not about control. Itâs about structure. You promised. And when you bend the rulesâjust slightlyâhe doesnât react outwardly. No visible shift, no sharp breath. But something behind his eyes goes cold. Because for him, even small deviations mean recalculating everything. And that means risk. To you.
You create drama âjust to get a reactionâ You push. You poke. You escalate. And he gives you⌠nothing. No outburst, no flinch. Just that flat, unreadable stare while he mentally exits the room. He doesnât get angryâhe just shuts off the part of himself that wants to stay.
You refuse his protectionâon principle You call it independence. He calls it a strategic vulnerability wrapped in pride. He wonât argue. Heâll just be one step farther back the next time, quietly cataloging how to stop caring just enough that it wonât kill him if something happens.
You call him coldâespecially when heâs holding himself together for you You see stillness. He feels restraint. You accuse. He remembers what it takes to not become the darker version of himself. If only you knew how much energy it took to stay composed. If only you knew it was for you.
Youâre late Five minutes. Ten. No message. No explanation. And his pulse ticks upwardânot with impatience, but with pure, trained alertness. He starts looking for signs. Traffic reports. Emergency alerts. By the time you arrive, heâs smiling. But itâs the tight kind. The kind that says never again.
You skip training Youâre tired. You had a long day. You say youâll make it up later. He doesnât argue. He just recalculates survival probabilities and mentally adds you to the list of people who might die because they were unprepared. And he will blame himself for letting you get soft.
You pull away from his touch when you're angry Itâs not the rejection. Itâs the meaning behind it. He reaches outâsmall, careful, calculatedâand you shut the door in his face with a single backward step. He doesnât try again. He doesnât ask why. But the space you leave behind? It echoes.
You use a photo of Lumiere as a bookmark You think itâs cute. Maybe even sweet. He sees itâand freezes. Heâs not jealous. Not exactly. But the idea that you might admire that version moreâthe legend, the mask, the sharpnessâit unsettles something deep. Something he canât name.
You secretly believe youâre not good enough for him You never say it out loud. But he sees itâin your deflections, your nervous jokes, the way you doubt his love like itâs a glitch. It doesnât anger him in the usual sense. It justâŚhurts. Because youâre the only one who never had to earn it.
You throw yourself in front of him during a mission Itâs instinct, you say. Split-second decision. You didnât even think. And thatâs the problem. He does. Always. Every variable, every movement, every risk is accounted forâexcept you breaking formation to protect him. You think itâs brave. He sees it as catastrophic miscalculation. Not because you acted without logic. But because you decided his life was worth more than yours. And that? Thatâs the one conclusion he refuses to accept.
â¨Top 10 Things That Quietly Break Xavierâs Walls and Leave Him Unreasonably Soft About You
When you start reading the same book heâs readingYou donât announce it. You just show up with the same title, a few chapters behind, and start casually asking questions. He plays it off. But inside? Heâs spiraling. Because thisâthisâis how you speak his language. Silently. Precisely. Together.
When you knock on his door like youâre trying to break it downItâs loud. Impatient. Inappropriate for the hour. But he knows that knock. That rhythm. That you. You need him. Not his solutions. Him. And somehow, that chaos pounding on his door feels more like home than anything else.
When you hug him from behindYou wrap your arms around his torso mid-task, face pressed between his shoulder blades, palms splayed across his chest like youâre anchoring yourself to something ancient and steady. He stills. Every time. Like someone just whispered a secret to his bones. He never asks why. Never moves away. He just tilts his head slightlyâlistening, as if your silence said everything he needed to hear.
When you touch his sword (the actual weapon, calm down)He never lets anyone handle it. Not even for cleaning. But your fingers skim the hilt, gentle, curious, reverent. And somehow⌠itâs okay. Youâre not just touching steel. Youâre touching him. And he lets you.
When you act like a little girlYou scrunch your nose. Say something ridiculous. Blush like you didnât mean to. And he watchesâutterly disarmed. Because he knows exactly what you want. You want him to carry you. Wrap you up. Keep you safe. And he willâwithout hesitation.
When you join him on a morning runYou complain. You lag. You swear this is ânot your vibe.â But you still show up. Same hour. Same route. And when you match his pace for those few precious minutes? He doesnât say itâbut heâs proud. Painfully proud.
When you share your dreamsâand say âweâYouâre rambling. Light spilling from your words. Talking about the future, the maybes, the next steps. But you donât say I. You say we. And that sound? That tiny shift in grammar? It settles deep. Irrevocable. Permanent.
When you make matching braceletsYou say itâs silly. Handmade. Slightly uneven. Thereâs a charm shaped like a rabbit. He never takes it off. Not in combat. Not in sleep. It rests against his wrist like a pressure pointâand grounds him better than anything else.
When you remember his habitsYour shopping list always includes his cinnamon. His brand of shampoo. The exact instant noodles he pretends not to love. You donât make a show of it. You just know. And that knowing? It destroys him in the softest possible way.
When you trust him completely in bedâeven when his darker side surfacesThereâs a momentâquiet, chargedâwhen the softness shifts. He waits. Watches. Braces for resistance. But you donât pull back. You open your hands. Arch into him. Let him take control without fear. That? Thatâs what breaks him. Not the pleasure. The trust.
đ¤Top 10 Things That Push Sylus Into Maximum Sarcasm and Mildly Homicidal Disapproval
Your outdated, unreliable weapon Yes, he gets it. Itâs vintage. Itâs âstandard issue.â Itâs approved by the Hunters Association. Congratulations. That wonât matter when it jams and gets you killed. Every time you return one of the sleek, upgraded firearms he hand-delivers like heâs your personal armory concierge, he has to resist asking if you've already made a draft of your death wish. Alphabetically sorted. With floral headers.
You chew gumâand pop it Itâs not the gum. Itâs the snap. The sudden, violent pop of sugary air bubbles that hits his trauma response like a trigger. He knows itâs just a noise. His shoulder still twitches. Heâs this close to reaching into your mouth and extracting the gum like a gentleman. A very sarcastic, deeply annoyed, half-feral gentleman.
You try to shake your tail (him) You use stealth tech. You block your signal. You go dark. Adorable. Youâre forgetting that the very system youâre relying on was developed by his own syndicate. The only person who ever really evades Sylus is Sylus. And maybe the cat that lives under his car. But not you. Never you.
You donât introduce him as your boyfriend to your old classmates You panicked. He gets that. You called him âa friend.â And now heâs deeply committed to the bit. For the next seven days, every time you said anything, he replied with âOf course, as your friendâŚâ in front of waiters, dealers, and one extremely confused ambassador. You only managed to shut it down by hastily posting a photo of you two with the caption âmy boyfriend and the love of my life.â Acceptable recovery. Barely.
You refuse to use his resources His private jet? Untouched. His cars? Collecting dust. His black card? Sitting unused like some kind of insult in your purse. You say youâre âindependent.â He says youâre actively offending his entire lifestyle philosophy. Do you have any idea how disrespectful it is to ignore an entire walk-in wardrobe prepared for you in his estate? Honestly, itâs almost admirable. Almost.
You once smoked a cigarette, and he saw it He didnât say anything. At the time. Just looked at you. Silently. Like someone had drop-kicked a kitten in front of him. Heâs not judging. Heâs just picturing your lungs in an ashtray. And adding another page to your death wish list.
You speak in riddles and expect him to âget itâ You want somethingâtime away, a trip, his attentionâbut instead of asking, you sigh dramatically and murmur, âItâs fine. I guess some people just donât want to escape the city with their girlfriendsâŚâ He blinks. Slow. Dangerous. âWas that a request, a riddle, or an emotional booby trap?â If you want something from him, Kitten, try using nouns and verbs. Not cryptic guilt puzzles.
You suggest another woman would be âperfect for himâ Itâs a joke. Offhand. Barely a breath. But your voice waversâjust slightlyâand that ruins it. He doesnât want her. He doesnât want options. He wants you. And now, thanks to your charming lapse in self-worth, he has to waste the rest of the evening reminding you that this face, this power, this entire empire already belongs to someone. Guess who.
You sneak up on him You never mean to. But somehow, you're always the one person who slips past every alarm, every trained instinct, and ends up whispering behind him when his brain is still in kill mode. It takes everything in him to not react on pure reflex. You think itâs cute. He thinks itâs potentially catastrophic.
You donât believe him when he says heâs fine Yes, heâs bleeding. Yes, his shirt is soaked. But he said âitâs a scratch,â and when he says thatâhe means it. His body heals like a myth. Your worried face? It makes something in him ache. Because the real wound isnât on himâitâs in you, for thinking heâs anything less than unbreakable.
đ¤ Top 10 Things That Make Sylus Dangerously Soft for You (And Yes, Heâs Keeping Score)
When you finally spend his money It started with coffee. Small. Harmless. But the alert hit his phone and, for a moment, he genuinely wondered if his card had been stolenâuntil he saw your name. And something in him shifted. Not because of the cost. Please. He could buy the city it was brewed in. No, it was the fact you used it. You. Willingly. Now? Youâre bolderâlittle dresses, shoes, jewelry you donât need. And every time you do, he rewards it like you just proved you understand the assignment: what's his, is already yours.
When you give orders to his men like you're the boss You donât ask. You instruct. Calm, certain, completely in charge. One of his men hesitatesâjust onceâwhile youâre directing them to rescue a terrified kitten stuck in a tree. Sylus doesnât interfere. He just watches, arms crossed, a grin tugging at his mouth as armed professionals scramble to obey you like you're the patron saint of lost animals. Somewhere in his mind, heâs already fitted you for a crown. With tiny cat ears.
When you secretly pet Mephisto The mechanical raven used to drive you insane. Now? Youâre sneaking him treats and absentminded scratches under the jaw. Sylus sees it. Says nothing. But deep down, he knows: if youâve accepted the birdâyouâve accepted all of him. And thatâs lethal. To him.
When you make him a playlist You never explain them. Just send a link and say nothing. But he listensâevery time. Alone. In his car. In the bath. Eyes closed, calculating your every choice like itâs encrypted intel. Each track? A hint. A mood. A coded message from you to him. He doesnât ask for them. He just waits for the next one. And when it arrives, he treats it like gospel.
When you leave a trail of chaos in his car Your hair on the seat. Your gum wrappers in the cup holder. The seat so close to the wheel he practically has to fold in half. And the music? A full-volume love ballad ready to ambush his eardrums at ignition. It's obnoxious. Itâs inconvenient. Itâs perfect. His life, now featuring you.
When you eat from his plate You swore you werenât hungry. You said âno carbs this week.â And now? Youâre stealing fries from his hand and dipping into his steak sauce like itâs your birthright. He doesnât stop you. He just watches you chew with that look that says: mine. forever.
When you talk and talk and talk Something happens. You spiral. Words spill. Thoughts tangle. Youâre not even aware youâre ramblingâbut he is. He listens to everything. Stores it all. Because thereâs something magical about your voice when itâs unfiltered. You donât realize it, but he falls a little harder every time you forget to censor yourself.
When you crawl into his lap while heâs working Heâs in the middle of paperwork. Calculating things. Dangerous things. And suddenlyâyou. Right there. Knees on either side, arms around his neck, like the worldâs most beautiful interruption. He tells himself he needs to finish. But his hands are already on your hips.
When you call and ask for help A jar. A stuck zipper. A ride. It doesnât matter. Youâre a trained hunterâyouâve faced things with claws, fangs, and no name. But you still call him. Because you want him. And that? That wrecks him in ways heâll never admit. Heâs already on his way before you hang up.
When you scream his name right before you come Thereâs a lot heâs proud of. His empire. His power. His record. But nothingânothingâsatisfies him more than the moment your voice breaks open with his name. Like prayer. Like surrender. Like heâs the only thing in your world. Which, of course⌠he is.
#lads#love and deepspace#lads fanfic#lads fandom#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#caleb love and deepspace#sylus lads#lads caleb#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lads xavier#xavier x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#caleb x reader#caleb x mc#zayne x mc#rafayel x mc#sylus and mc#caleb x you#xavier x you#zayne x you#rafayel x you#sylus x you#storytelling#fanfic
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god the amount of hoops one of my coworkers jumps through for this violent autistic male is insaneeeee
#god please never let her have kids like she wants to have#she would be the absolute worst boymom#also her boyfriend is a serial cheater and has cheated on her 6 times. and hes like 20 and shes a senior in highschool.#also she was my work bestie#needless to say how she treats this one male changed my whole view on her#he is the only kid she treats like this btw#and it's purely bc shes friends with his sister#kids who act way better than he does get her full force of rage and annoyance and she immediately turns around to move the earth for him#like literally whenever theyre in the same room together i need to just wlak away because she pisses me off so fucking much#'hes having a really hard dayyyyyyyy he needs to be allowed to do this thing that literally no child in this school is allowed to do#and he needs to be able to walk the school unsupervised even tho he has had multiple instances of stealing valuable items#and even attempting to break out of the school and run away bc he was told to do something he didnt want toooooooo it's only faiiiirrr'#like literally shut up. this is exactly why we have so many horrible males. bc theyre babied by women like this.#every day i feel my patience and ability to act like i give a shit slipping away more and more and more and more.#since i started this job the absolute bane of my existence has been horrible and violent autistic males.#like my first year where there was a giant 5th grader who had repeatedly sexually assaulted myself another staff member and a student#and he was NOT ONCE EVER punished for it or given a write up. not once. no; instead we had policies in place where he couldnt be left alone#with specific women and girls.#placing the blame on them if they were caught alone in a room with him instead of kicking the dangerous male out of the program#the day he aged out and went to middle school was a glorious day. i hope the middle school teachers ripped him a new asshole. i truly do.#these genuinely dangerous and predatory male children are always given thousands of chances and excuses and are coddled#yet girls who display trauma responses and ptsd are full on demonized and kicked out of the program within a few weeks.#on their very first minor offense.#like there was one girl who was quirky and hyper active from her adhd. you'd think she killed my coworkers children from how much#they hated her. for no reason. literally no reason. i only had to speak to her maybe three times in the 2 years she was in the program#like goddd it annoys me so much i hate working with boy moms#another girl is sexually assaulted by her brother in front of us and never gets into trouble. ever. and yet my coworkers talk shit about he#at least once a week and mock her and her intelligence#meanwhile her brother; who is loud obnoxious and sexually assaults her other students and EVERY STAFF MEMBER in our program?#'i just love that kid he's so cute'
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Wife Speak
Bucky Barnes x Wife!Reader
Synopsis: You asked Bucky to install the security camera a month ago, and he still hasnât done it. You take matters into your own hands, to his vexation.
Warnings: Bucky's been too busy to do what you asked, you put yourself in slight peril, worried!Bucky, gentle manhandling, protective!Bucky, mention of previous injury, my own lack of construction know-how so I apologize for any inaccuracies, no use of Y/N
This is my first time writing in second person so hopefully I did okay! This was inspired by this short I saw on YouTube.
You were good at a lot of things. The teamâs go-to âgirl in the chair,â there was no one better at intel, strategy, quick escape plans, and getting into just about any system you were presented with. Youâd had the Avengersâ lives in your hands countless times, and never led them to put a foot wrong. Somehow, you, a girl with just a bachelorâs degree, aâperhaps excessiveâperfectionist streak, and a mini fridge full of energy drinks to help you stay sharp on overnight missions, had become indispensable to the Earthâs mightiest heroes.
But you couldnât install a security camera above your front door.
As smart as you were, you were probably equally as uncoordinated. All the bruises in odd places told the tale of your frequent misfortune. Walking by itself often presented a perilous challenge, so standing on a ladder, balancing precariously with expensive equipment and sharp objects in your hands seemed like a perfect recipe for a trip to the ER and a costly bill for tech replacements.
Which was why youâd asked your husband, a super soldier with a metal arm and a keen eye for home repairs, to do it.
A month ago.
And three weeks ago.
And two weeks ago.
And last week.
You were tired of waiting. Bucky, of course, was busy, and often away on missions, but you only ever asked him to do it when he had a moment to spare. Heâd said he would, every time youâd asked, but there was still no camera above your front door. On top of it all, the camera had been Buckyâs idea, a little extra security for when he was away on missions; it was one of Starkâs smart cameras, which could differentiate between a mailman dropping off a package and a criminal about to break into the house. Bucky didnât exactly know how all of that worked, but he was good with the installation, and you both knew better than to assign the job to you. But the camera had sat there for a month, collecting dust on the dining room table, and despite all his promises, you knew it was time to take matters into your own hands.
And maybe get a little payback while you were at it.
It was a warm spring day, and the front door was open to let the breeze in but the screen door was in place to keep the bugs out. Bucky was in the kitchen, making lunch, so heâd be able to hear everything easily, between his proximity, the open door, and his enhanced hearing. Smirking to yourself, you set up the ladder as quietly as possible, knowing that that alone would tip Bucky off and make him come rushing out before you were ready. If this was going to get done today, you needed to execute the full plan.
Picking up the electric drill and the mount for the camera, you put one foot up on the ladder, and held down the trigger of the drill for a few seconds, causing a loud whirring sound to tear through the quiet midday air. Just as you took another step up and held down the trigger again, Buckyâs voice carried out from the kitchen.
âDoll?â he questioned, and it took everything in you not to laugh. You gave no answer, instead only whirring the drill once more as you climbed to the top of the ladder. âWhat are you doing?â
You might have felt bad about the panic and concern in his voice, but if heâd done this a month ago when youâd asked, you wouldnât have to go to such lengths to have it be done. Natasha had called it wife speak, when women use their sly little tricks to get their husbands to do what they need to. She used it with Banner, Pepper used it with Tony, Wanda used it with Vision; it was a universal language amongst women when requests and orders just werenât cutting it.
Holding the mount up against the wall, you furrowed your brow in concentration as you tried to figure out how to hold the mount, place the screw, and drill it in all at the same time with only two hands. Judging by the purposeful footsteps pounding towards the front door, you knew you wouldnât have to keep trying to figure it out for long. Still, you kept up the ruse, because he needed to think you were serious about doing it yourself if he was going to get it done right this minute.
âBaby, what are you doing?â Bucky asked, voice raising with alarm as he found you balancing precariously on top of the small ladder. Paying him no mind, you decided to just wing it and put the drill into the head of the screw, pulling the trigger to send the screw spinning into the wall. For extra effect, you added a little wobble, just enough to make Bucky worry more but not so much that your uncoordinated self would actually fall. âHoney! Stop! What are you doing?â
âWhat?â you responded innocently, still not turning around. âIâm putting up the camera.â
âWhy?â His hands grasped at your waist, but you pushed him away as you continued your ruse and placed the next screw.
âBecause it needs to go up?â you said it as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, because it was, hello, and youâd asked him to do it so many times. Once more, you placed the drill into the screw head and let it rip, watching it spin into place. Maybe you could do it yourself. Maybe impatience was all it took to overcome your incoordination.Â
âBaby. Baby, baby, baby.â Buckyâs hands were on your waist again, this time with a firmer grip so you couldnât brush him off so easily. âCome off the ladder.â
âIt needs to go up, Bucky,â you insisted, milking your moment of acting for all it was worth.
âI know, so Iâll do it, okay? Just please, come off the ladder.â
âIâve asked you a million times over the last month to do it and you still havenât, so Iâm gonna do it and then Iâll know it's done.â
The drill was slightly stuck in the screw head once it was screwed all the way in. You gave it a tug, and the force of it combined with the resistance of the drill to come loose caused you to tip backwards slightly; for a moment, you thought you might fall, but you regained your balance after a second or two. Still, it was a second or two too long for Bucky, whoâd had enough of asking nicely and being patient.Â
âAlright, thatâs it,â he declared, using his strength and his grip on your waist to lift you off the ladder and set you on the wooden boards of the porch like you were little more than a doll. You almost grinned at the move, as being on the receiving end of his enhanced strength and fierce protectiveness always made your stomach do somersaults. By the time he spun you around to face him though, you had regained your self-control and regarded him with a displeased scowl. âWhat are you doing, huh, doll? You know I donât like you up on that thing.â
Crossing your arms over your chest, you huffed, âWell, someone has to put the camera up, since youâve proven yourself incapable.â You turned to step back onto the ladder, but Bucky grasped your arm gently and pulled you to him, maneuvering at the same time to take the drill and the remaining screws from you. You resisted, but even when he was diluting his strength, you couldnât hope to best him, so instead you started to complain, âBucky-â
âI know, doll, I know,â he said, voice soft as he pried the drill and screws out of your hands. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and then your nose for extra contrition. âIâm sorry. I shouldâve done it when you asked me to, but Iâll do it right now, okay? JustâŚplease stay off the ladder?â
âWhy? âCause Iâm a girl?â
Bucky chuckled in amusement, his free hand rising to cup your cheek and pull you closer so he could press a sweet kiss to your lips. You melted against him instantly, as you always did, because Bucky always kissed you like he was trying to transfer his heart from his body to yours, deeply and wholly and with every ounce of love that he had. After a moment, he pulled away, though he kept his nose touching yours as his twinkling eyes gazed at you adoringly. âItâs not because youâre a girl, itâs because itâs you, doll. The last time I trusted you with a drill and screws, you drilled your sleeve into the wall and broke your finger trying to pull it free.â
Nose scrunching and lips pouting, you did your best to fight off a smile, trying to lay it on just a little thicker to make sure you would get what you wanted. âPromise youâll do it right now?â
âPinky promise.â Bucky held up his pinky finger between you, and you locked yours around it. âYou can stay and watch if you want, just to be sure. I think youâll like the view.â
Rolling your eyes, you gave him another quick peck before stepping back and nodding for him to climb up the ladder. Once his back was turned and he was on the top step, your mischievous smirk returned in full force, not only because of your triumph, but because you really did like the view.
#bucky barnes#bucky x reader#bucky barnes x reader#bucky fanfic#the winter soldier#thunderbolts#the avengers#marvel#marvel fanfic
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There was an interesting situation at work recently. I'm gonna keep it vague for privacy, but basically the husband of a patient threatened to shoot hospital employees after he perceived they were ignoring his wife's situation. Which, looking at the case, people were like, yeah, this patient was in prolonged discomfort and had delayed care over multiple shifts due to factors that weren't malicious but were careless. Basically, the task that would have helped this patient was classic "third thing on your to do list." It had to be done, but it didn't need to be done urgently. The impact of not doing this task likely wouldn't be felt on your shift. The work of doing this task would require the coordination of a couple different people. Very easy to just keep pushing it back, and because it wasn't an emergency (until it was), it just kept being pushed back.
You could do a root-cause analysis of the whole thing (and we have) to really break down what happened, but ultimately the effect was the same as if the neglect had been malicious. I'm sympathetic to the husband, as were a lot of people in this situation, because, yes, hospital staff dropped the ball in a way that meant the patient was in unnecessary pain and discomfort with delay of care for over a day, despite multiple requests from patient and family to address the situation. The husband reacted emotionally to a situation where he'd felt helpless and ignored. Institutional neglect ground away at him until he verbally snapped.
And the way he snapped was to tell staff, "I'm going to come back with a gun and shoot you all for what you've done." Which is about as explicit a threat as you can get. Does he get to keep visiting the hospital after that? How do we be fair to him, to the patient, and to the staff? He probably didn't mean it. Right? But how do you ignore a statement like that? If he does come back and commit a shooting, how will you justify ignoring his threat? But does one sentence said at an emotional breaking point define him? How much more traumatic are we going to make this hospital stay?
A couple years back, I worked on a floor a few hours after a patient had been escorted away for inappropriate behavior--by the way, you can't imagine how inappropriate the behavior has to be for us to do that. I have never seen another case like this. That patient said he was going to come back with a gun and shoot nurses that he identified by name. This didn't come to pass. Whether that was because the patient didn't mean it or changed his mind or was prevented or simply was not mentally coordinated enough to follow through on the plan, I don't know. I do know that shift fucking sucked. I remember the charge nurse telling me that it wasn't our jobs to die for our patients. If there was shooting, she told me to run.
There was another situation recently involving a patient in restraints. I despise restraints. I think the closest legitimate use for them is in ICUs for stopping delirious patients from ripping out their ventilators, and that should still be a last resort. I discontinue restraints whenever I inherit them, and I am very good at fixing problems before restraint seem like the only solution. Having said that, I work in a hospital that uses restraints, and so I am complicit in their use. Recently I walked into a situation involving restraints with zero context for what was happening, just that there was a security situation involving a patient who had been deemed for some reason to lack capacity to make medical decisions. They were on a court hold and a surrogate med override, which means they cannot refuse certain medications. The whole situation was horrible, and I've spent the days since it happened thinking about every way I personally failed that patient and what to do different next time.
At one point, the patient called one of the nurses a bitch, and the nurse said, "hey cmon, that's not nice," and the patient replied, "if you were in hell, would you call the devil a nice name?" And yeah! Fair! It is insane to expect people who are actively being denied their autonomy to be polite to us as we do it.
Then there was another patient on the behavioral health floor who got put in seclusion. It's so frustrating, by the way, that staff put them in seclusion because it would have been extremely easy to avoid escalating the situation to the point that it got to. But the situation did escalate, and by the time the patient was locked in a seclusion room, they were shouting slurs and kicking the walls. Other patients were scared of the patient even when they were calm because the patient talked endlessly about guns, poisons, bombs, etc. When I checked in with the patient in the seclusion room, they called me a cog in a fascist machine just following orders. And I was like, yeah. Fair.
Another patient: one night when I was charge nurse, I replied to a security situation where a patient trapped a staff member in the room and tried to choke her. The staff member escaped unharmed. She told me later that the patient had been verbally aggressive to her all day, but she hadn't told anyone because she knew he was having a bad day, she didn't want to get him in trouble, and she didn't think anything was actually going to happen. She said, "Patients are mean all the time."
And another case: I had a different patient with the ultimate combination of factors for violent agitation--confused, needed a translator, was hard of hearing so the translator was of little use, in pain, feverish, scared, withdrawing from alcohol, hadn't slept in two days, separated from his caregiver who had also just been hospitalized--the whole shebang. He shouted at us that we were human trafficking him and could not be reoriented to where he actually was or that he was sick. I tried all my usual methods of deescalation, which I am typically very good at. I could not get him to calm down. He had a hospital bed where the headboard pulls out so you can use it as a brace during compressions. He ripped that out and threw it at the window, trying to shatter the glass. At that point, with the permission of his medical surrogate and with help from security, I forcibly gave him IV medication for agitation and withdrawal. He slept all night with a sitter at his bedside to monitor him. I pondered when medication passed over the line into chemical restraint, but I stand by the decisions I made that shift.
Last one: I had a different patient who was dying who had a child with a warrant out for arrest. We didn't know for what, and no one investigated further because no one wanted to find out anything that might prevent this person from visiting his dying parent. Obviously, "warrant for arrest" could mean literally anything, although it was significant enough that security was aware of the situation and wanted us aware as well, but I was struck by how proactively the staff protected his visitation rights and extended him grace. Everyone was very aware of how easily the wrong word could start a process that would result in a parent and child losing the chance to say goodbye to each other.
In the case of the husband who threatened a mass shooting, you'd be surprised how many of the staff advocated for him to keep all visitation rights. After all, the patient wanted him there.
Violence--verbal, physical, active, passive, institutional, direct, inadvertent, malicious--pervades the hospital. It begets itself. You provoke people into violence, and then use that violence to justify why you must do actions that further provoke them. And also people are not helpless victims of circumstance, mindlessly reacting to whatever is the most noxious stimuli. But also we aren't not that. You have to interrupt the cycle somewhere. I think grace is one of the most powerful things we can give each other. I also think people own guns. Institutions have enormous overt and covert power that can feel impossible to resist, and they are made up of people with necks you can wring, and those people are the agents of that unstoppable power, and those people don't have unlimited agency and make choices every day about how and when to exercise it. We'll never solve this. You literally have to think about it forever, each and every time, and honor each success and failure by learning something new for the next inevitable moral dilemma that'll be along any minute now and is probably already here.
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notes, I can smell the requests from a mile away.
genre. smut, MINORS DNI!
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Roommate!Sukuna after crossing a line as roommates.
You werenât stupid.
You knew what happened that night on the couch wasnât just about heat. It was months of tension breaking open â long stares, petty fights, tight silences that dragged on too long, and finally, him, on your lips and in your throat like heâd been dying for it.
You thought maybe it would stop there.
A one-time mistake. A line crossed, then never spoken of again.
But then came the next morning.
You were in the kitchen, groggy and still wearing his damn t-shirt. Sukuna walked in, shirtless, scratched red from your nails, hair a mess. He looked at you for exactly one second before pulling you in by the waist and kissing your neck without a word.
You barely had time to catch your breath before he whispered, âCâmere,â and dropped to his knees again â right there by the fridge.
Didnât even ask.
Didnât need to.
That became routine.
A few nights later, it was the kitchen again. You were making ramen, talking on the phone, completely unaware of him watching you from the doorway with that expression â dark, hungry, smug.
The second you hung up, he was on you. Bent over the counter, shirt yanked up, mouth on you like he hadnât tasted anything all day. You came shaking against the cabinets, one hand gripping the edge of the sink, the other shoved into his hair.
He didnât say anything after. Just smirked, tapped your thigh, and told you to finish your noodles.
No sex. Not yet.
It wasnât some agreement you made. It just hadnât happened. He hadnât pushed. You hadnât offered.
But everything else? Fair game.
Showers together? Happening.
Youâd be rinsing shampoo out of your hair, and heâd slip in behind you, hands on your waist like he owned the space. Heâd press lazy kisses to your shoulder while lathering your soap onto your skin â never crossing the line, but toeing it so hard you sometimes had to leave the shower early just to breathe.
You tried to play it cool.
Tried to act like you werenât thinking about his mouth constantly, like your legs didnât shake when he brushed past you in the hallway, like your thighs didnât clench whenever he muttered something low and smug in your ear.
But the switch flipped when you brought up boundaries.
It was casual. You were sitting on the couch, scrolling. He sat beside you, hand on your thigh â not doing anything, just there. Like it belonged.
You cleared your throat. âWe should talk.â
He didnât look up from his phone. âTalk about what?â
âThis whole⌠situation. Whatever weâre doing. We should set some boundaries.â
That got his attention.
Sukuna glanced over at you, lazy smirk forming. âBoundaries?â
âYeah. Like⌠no jealousy. No acting like this is something itâs not.â
He laughed.
Actually laughed.
âRight,â he said, nodding like he was agreeing with you. âNot a relationship.â
You felt a knot twist in your chest.
But you didnât argue. You just said ârightâ and got up to make tea.
That shouldâve been the end of it.
Except it wasnât.
Because two days later, Sukuna showed up outside your job.
Not just waiting outside â leaning against the hood of his car, arms crossed, eyes scanning the sidewalk like a bodyguard with a grudge.
You blinked. âDid I ask you to pick me up?â
He looked you up and down, unimpressed. âDidnât feel like waiting for you to Uber through creeps.â
The next day, it was his hand on your lower back when you were out shopping. The next, it was his arm slung around your waist in public. Then it was him glaring down a barista who complimented your smile.
You finally snapped.
âYouâre being weird.â
He blinked. âHuh?â
You turned to face him in the hallway, arms crossed. âYou said itâs not a relationship.â
âItâs not.â
âSo why are you acting like my boyfriend?â
He shrugged, completely unfazed.
âJust making sure you donât forget who youâre fucking.â
Your jaw dropped.
He stepped closer, mouth curling into a smirk, voice dropping low.
âOr do you want someone else to find out how good your legs shake when Iâve got my tongue in you?â
You shoved his shoulder. âSukuna.â
He just grinned, eyes dancing. âWhat? Iâm being respectful. Not like Iâve fucked you. Yet.â
You hated how your breath hitched at the word.
He stepped even closer, brushing hair out of your face with one ringed hand.
âWhen I do, thoughâŚâ he whispered, voice like sin, âboundaries wonât save you.â
Then he kissed your cheek â slow, deliberate â and walked away.
Just like that.
Leaving you hot, bothered, and one hundred percent aware that your situationship had stopped being casual the second he got your taste in his mouth.
Taglist, @humeysaga @williamafton26 @aranisbaee @probablynotleahhhh @probablynotleahhhh. @beaniesayshi @levifiance @rinofcike @fushiguroooozzz @gojoscumslut @bellsoftheball @kunascutie. @after-laughter-come-tears. @minasuniverse, @chewiebee @ilovebeansya @drowsysausagedog, @shroomysstuff, @angel4-miba @paperalphys.
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 66
Chapter; Highlights, etc. (you know the drillđ)
Aelin awoke to the scent of pine and snow, and knew she was home.
Not in Terrasen, not yet, but in the sense she would always be home, if Rowan was with her.
His steady breaths filled her right ear, the sound of the well and truly asleep, and the arm he'd draped across her middle was a solid, warm weight. Silvery light glazed the ancient stones of the ceiling.
Morningâor a cloudy day. The halls beyond the room offered shards of sound that she sorted through, piece by piece, as if she were assembling a broken mirror that might reveal the world beyond
Apparently, it had been three days since the battle. And the rest of the khagan's army, led by Prince Kashin, his third-eldest son, had arrived.
It was that tidbit that had her rising fully to consciousness, a hand sliding to Rowan's arm.
A caress of a touch, just to see how deeply the rejuvenating sleep held him. Three days, they'd slept here, unaware of the world. A dangerous, vulnerable time for any magic-wielder, when their bodies demanded a deep sleep to recover from expending so much power.
That was another sliver she'd picked up: Gavriel sat outside their door. In mountain lion form. People drew quiet when they approached, not realizing that as soon as they passed him, their whispers of That strange, terrifying cat could be detected by Fae ears.
Aelin ran a finger over the seam of Rowan's sleeve, feeling the corded muscle beneath. Clear her head, her body felt clear. Like the first icy breath inhaled on a winter's morning.
During the days they'd slept, no nightmare had shaken her awake, hunted her. A small, merciful reprieve.
Aelin swallowed, her throat dry. What had been real, what Maeve had tried to plant in her mind-did it matter, whether the pain had been true or imagined?
She had gotten out, gotten away from Maeve and Cairn. Facing the broken bits inside her would come later.
For now, it was enough to have this clarity back. Even though releasing her power, expending that mighty blow here, had not been her plan.
Aelin slid her gaze toward Rowan, his harsh face softened into handsomeness by sleep. And cleanâthe gore that had splattered them both was gone. Someone must have washed it away while they slept.
As if he sensed her attention, or just felt the lingering hand on his arm, Rowan's eyes cracked open. He scanned her from head to toe, deemed everything all right, and met her stare.
"Show-off," he muttered.
Aelin patted his arm. "You put on a pretty fancy display yourself, Prince."
He smiled, his tattoo crinkling. "Will that display be the last of your surprises, or are there more coming?"
She debated it-telling him, revealing it.
Maybe.
Rowan sat up, the blanket sliding from him.
Is this the sort of surprise that will end with my heart stopping dead in my chest?
She snorted, propping her head with a fist as she traced idle marks over the scratchy blanket.
"I sent a letter-when we were at that port in Wendlyn."
Rowan nodded. "To Aedion."
"To Aedion," she said, quietly enough that Gavriel couldn't hear from his spot outside the door. "And to your uncle. And to Essar." Rowan's brows rose. "Saying what?" She hummed to herself. "Saying that I was indeed imprisoned by Maeve, and that while 1 was her captive, she laid out some rather nefarious plans."
Her mate went still. "With what goal in mind?"
Aelin sat up, and picked at her nails.
"Convincing them to disband her army. Start a revolt in Doranelle. Kick Maeve off the throne. You know, small things."
Rowan just looked at her. Then scrubbed at his face. "You think a letter could do that?"
"It was strongly worded." He gaped a bit. "What sort of nefarious plans did you mention?"
"Desire to conquer the world, her complete lack of interest in sparing Fae lives in a war, her interest in Valg things." She swallowed. "I might have mentioned that she's possibly Valg."
Rowan started. Aelin shrugged. "It was a lucky guess. The best lies are always mixed with truth."
"Suggesting Maeve is Valg is a fairly outlandish lie, even for you. Even if it turned out to be true."
She waved a hand. "We'll see if anything comes of it."
"If it works, if they somehow revolt and the army turns against her..." He shook his head, laughing softly. "It'd be a boon in this war."
"I scheme and lie so grandly, and that's all the credit I get?"
Rowan flicked her nose. "You'll get credit if her army doesn't show up. Until then, we prepare as if they are. Which is highly likely." At her frown, he said, "Essar doesn't wield much power, and my uncle doesn't take many risks. Not like Enda and Sellene. For them to overthrow Maeve ... it would be monumental. If they even survived it."
Her stomach churned. "It's their choice, what they do. I only laid out the facts." Carefully worded facts and half guesses. An absolute gamble, if she was being honest.
Rowan smirked. "And other than attempting to overthrow Maeve's throne? Any other surprises I should know about?"
Her smile faded as she lay back down, Rowan doing the same beside her. "There are no more." At his raised brows, she added, "I swear it on my throne. There are no more left."
The amusement in his eyes guttered. "I don't know whether to be relieved."
"Everything I know, you know. All the cards are on the table now."
With the various armies that had gathered, with the Lock, with all of it.
"Do you think you could do it again?" he asked. "Draw up that much power?"
"I don't know. I don't think so. It required being ... contained. With the irons."
A shadow darkened his face, and he rolled onto his side, propping up his head. "I've never seen anything like it."
"You never will again." It was the truth.
"If the cost of that much power is what you endured, then I'll be glad not to."
Aelin ran a hand down the powerful muscles of his thigh, fingers snagging in the rip of fabric just above his knee. "I didn't feel you get this wound through the mating bond," she said, grazing the thick ridge of the new scar. A trophy from the battle. She made herself meet his piercing stare. Did Maeve somehow break that part of it? That part of us?
"No," he breathed, and stroked the hair from her brow. "I've realized that the bond only conveys the pain of the gravest wounds."
She touched the spot on his shoulder where Asterin Blackbeak's arrow had pierced him all those months ago. The moment she'd known what he was to her.
"It was why I didn't know what was happening to you on the beach," Rowan said roughly. Because the whipping, brutal and unbearable as it had been, hadn't brought her to the brink of death. Only into an iron coffin.
She scowled. "If you're about to tell me that you feel guilty for itâ"
"We both have things to grapple withâabout what happened these months."
A glance at him, and she knew he was well aware of what still clouded her soul.
And because he was the only person who saw everything she was and did not walk away from it, Aelin said, "I wanted that fire to be for Maeve."
"I know." Such simple words, and yet it meant everything-that understanding.
"I wanted it to make things ... better." She loosed a long breath. "To wipe it all away." Every memory and nightmare and lie.
"It will take a while, Aelin. To face it, work through it."
"I don't have a while."
His jaw tensed. "That remains to be seen." She didn't bother arguing. Not as she admitted, "I want it to be over."
He went wholly still, but granted her the space to think, to speak.
"I want it to be over and done with," she said hoarsely. "This war, the gods and the Wyrdgate and the Lock. All of it." She rubbed her temples, pushing past the weight, the lingering stain that no fire might cleanse. "I want to go to Terrasen, to fight, and then I want it to be over."
She'd wanted it to be over since she'd learned the true cost of forging the Lock anew.
Had wanted it to be over with each of Cairn's lashes on the beach in Eyllwe. And all he'd done to her afterward. Whatever it might bring about, however it might end, she wanted it to be over.
She didn't know who and what it made her.
Rowan remained silent for a long moment before he said, "Then we will make sure the khagan's host goes north. Then we will return to Terrasen and crush Erawan's armies." He brought her hands to his mouth for a swift kiss.
"And then, after all that, we'll see about this damned Lock." Uncompromising will filled his every breath, the air around them.
She let it be enough for both of them.
Tucked away his words, his vow, all those promises between them and extended her palm in the air between them.
She summoned the magic-the drop of water her mother's bloodline had given her.
Mab's bloodline.
A tiny ball of water took form in her hand. Over the calluses she'd so carefully rebuilt.
She let the gentle, cooling power trickle over her. Let it smooth the jagged bits inside herself and sing them to sleep. Her mother's gift.
You do not yield.
When the Lock took everything, would it claim this part as well? This most precious part of her power? She tucked away those thoughts, too.
Concentrating, gritting her teeth, Aelin commanded the ball of water to rotate in her palm.
A wobble was all she got in answer.
She snorted. "Faerie Queen of the West indeed."
Rowan huffed a quiet laugh. "Keep practicing. In a thousand years, you might actually be able to do something with it."
She whacked his arm, the droplet of water soaking into the sleeve of his shirt. "It's a wonder I learned anything from you with that sort of encouragement." She shook the wetness from her hand. Right into his face.
Rowan nipped at her nose. "I do keep a tally, Princess. Of all the horrible things that come out of your mouth."
Her toes curled, and she dragged her fingers through his hair, luxuriating in the silken strands. "How shall I pay for this one?"
On the other side of the door, she could have sworn that cat-soft feet quickly padded away.
People gawked in the halls, some whispering as they passed.
The queen and her consort. Where do you think they've been these past few days?
I heard they went into the mountains and brought the wild men back with them.
I heard they've been weaving spells around the city, to protect it against Morath.
Rowan was still smirking when Aelin emerged from the communal ladies' bathing room.
"See?" She fell into step beside him as they aimed not for their room and ravishment, but for the hallway where food had been laid out.
"You're starting to like the notoriety."
Rowan arched a brow. "You think that everywhere I've gone for the past three hundred years, whispers haven't followed me?" She rolled her eyes, but he chuckled. "This is far better than Cold-hearted bastard or I heard he killed someone with a table leg."
"You did kill someone with a table leg." Rowan's smirk grew.
"And you are a cold-hearted bastard," she threw in.
Rowan snorted. "I never said those whispers were lies."
Aelin looped her arm through his. "I'm going to start a rumor about you, then. Something truly grotesque."
He groaned. "I dread the thought of what you might come up with."
She adopted a harsh whisper as they passed a group of human soldiers. "You flew back onto the battlefield to peck out the eyes of our enemies?" Her gasp echoed off the rock. "And ate those eyes?"
One of the soldiers tripped, the others whipping their heads to them. Rowan pinched her shoulder. "Thank you for that."
She inclined her head. "You're very welcome."
Aelin kept smiling as they found food and ate a quick lunch-it was midday, they'd learned-sitting side by side in a dusty, half-forgotten stairwell. Much like the days they'd spent in Mistward, knee to knee and shoulder to shoulder in the kitchen while listening to Emrys's stories.
Though unlike those months this spring, when Aelin set down her plate between her feet, she slid her arms around Rowan's neck and his mouth instantly met hers.
No, it was certainly not at all like their time at Mistward as she crawled into Rowan's lap, not entirely caring that anyone might stride up or down the stairs, and kissed him silly.
They halted, breathless and wild-eyed, before she could decide that it really wouldn't be a bad ideaâŚ
⌠If Aelin was being honest with herself, she was still debating hauling him into the nearest closet when they set off to find their companions at last. One glance at Rowan's glazed eyes and she knew he was debating the same.
Yet even the desire heating her blood cooled when they entered the ancient study near the top of the keep and beheld the gathered group. Fenrys and Gavriel were already there, Chaol with them, no sign of Elide or Lorcan.
But Chaol's father, unfortunately, was present. And glowered as they entered the meeting that seemed well under way. Aelin gave him a mocking smile and sauntered up to the large desk.
A tall, broad-shouldered man stood with Nesryn, Sartaq, and Hasar, handsome and brimming with a sort of impatient energy. His brown eyes were welcoming, his smile easy.
She liked him immediately.
"My brother," Hasar said, waving a hand without looking up from the map. "Kashin." The prince sketched a graceful bow.
Aelin offered one back, Rowan doing the same. "An honor," Aelin said. "Thank you for coming."
"You can actually thank my father for that. And Yrene," said Kashin, his use of their language as flawless as his siblings'.
Indeed, Aelin had much to thank the healer for.
Nesryn's sharp eyes scanned Aelin from head to toe. "You're feeling all right?"
"Just needed to rest." Aelin jerked her chin at Rowan. "He requires frequent naps in his old age."
Sartaq coughed, keeping his head down as he continued studying the map.
Fenrys, however, laughed. "Back to your good spirits, I see."
Aelin smirked at Chaol's straight-backed father. "We'll see how long it lasts."
The man said nothing.
Rowan motioned to the desk and asked the royals, "Have you decided-where you shall march now?"
Such a casual, calm question. As if the fate of Terrasen did not rest upon it.
Hasar opened her mouth, but Sartaq cut her off. "North. We shall indeed go north with you. If only to repay you for saving our army-our people."
Aelin tried not to look too relieved.
"Gratitude aside," Hasar said, not sounding very grateful at all, "Kashin's scouts have confirmed that Terrasen is where Morath is concentrating its efforts. So it is there that we shall go."
Aelin wished she had not eaten such a large lunch. "How bad is it?"
Nesryn shook her head, answering for Prince Kashin, "The details were murky. All we know is that hordes were spotted marching northward, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake."
Aelin kept her fists at her sides, avoiding the urge to rub at her face.
Chaol's father said, "I hope that power of yours can be summoned again."
Aelin let an ember of that power smolder in her eyes. "Thank you for the armor," she crooned.
"Consider it an early coronation gift," the Lord of Anielle countered with a mocking smile.
Sartaq cleared his throat. "If you and your companions are recovered, then we'll press northward as soon as we are able." No objections from Hasar at that.
"And march along the mountains?" Rowan asked, scanning the map. Aelin traced the route they'd follow. "We'd have to pass directly before the Ferian Gap. We'll barely clear the other end of this lake before we're in another battle."
"So we draw them out," Hasar said. "Trick them into emptying whatever forces wait in the Gap, then sneak up on them from behind."
"Adarlan controls the entire Avery," Chaol said, drawing an invisible line inland from Rifthold. "To pass north, we have to cross that river anyway. In picking the Gap as our battleground, we'll avoid the mess that would come with fighting in the midst of Oakwald. The ruks, at least, would be able to provide aerial coverage. Not so with the trees."
Rowan nodded. "We'd need to march the majority of the host up into the mountains, thenâto come at the Gap from where they'd least expect it. It's rough terrain, though. We'll need to pick our route carefully."
Chaol's father grumbled. Aelin lifted her brows, but his son answered, "I sent out emissaries the day after the battle-into the Fangs. To contact the wild men who live there, if they might know of secret ways through the mountains to the Gap."
Ancient enemies of this city. "And?"
"They do. But at a cost."
"One that shall not be paid," the Lord of Anielle snapped.
"Let me guess: territory," Aelin said.
Chaol nodded. Hence the tension in this room.
She tapped a toot as she surveyed the Lord of Anielle. "And you won't give one sliver of land to them?"
He just glared.
"Apparently not," Fenrys muttered
Aelin shrugged, and turned to Chaol. "Well, it's settled, then."
"What is settled?" his father ground out.
Aelin ignored him, and winked at her friend. "You're the Hand to the King of Adarlan. You outrank him. You're authorized to act on Dorian's behalf." She gestured to the map. "The land might be a part of Anielle, but it belongs to Adarlan. Go ahead and barter it."
His father started. "Youâ"
"We are going north," Aelin said. "You will not stand in our way." She again let some of her fire kindle in her eyes, set the gold in them burning. "I halted that wave. Consider this alliance with the wild men a way to repay the favor."
"That wave destroyed half my city," the man snarled.
Fenrys let out a low, disbelieving laugh. Rowan snarled softly.
Chaol growled at his father, "You're bastard."
"Watch your tongue, boy."
Aelin nodded sympathetically to Chaol. "I see why you left."
Chaol, to his credit, winced and returned to the map. "If we can get past the Ferian Gap, then we continue northward."
Past Endovier. That path would take them right past Endovier. Aelin's stomach tightened. Rowan's hand grazed her own.
"We have to decide soon," Sartaq declared.
"Right now, we sit between the Ferian Gap and Morath. It would be very easy for Erawan to send hosts to crush us between them."
Hasar turned to Chaol. "Is Yrene anywhere near done?"
He leaned an elbow against the arm of his wheeled chair. "Even with the few survivors, there are too many of them. We'd be here weeks."
"How many injured?" Rowan asked.
Chaol shook his head. "Not injured." His jaw tightened. "Valg."
Aelin frowned. "Yrene's healing the Valg?"
Hasar grinned. "In a manner of speaking."
Aelin waved her off. "Can I see?"
They found Yrene not in the keep, but in a tent on the remnants of the battlefield, leaning over a human man thrashing upon a cot. The man had been restrained to anchors in the floor at his wrists and ankles.
Aelin took one look at those chains and had to swallow.
Rowan laid a hand on her lower back, and Fenrys stepped closer to her side.
Yrene paused, her hands wreathed in white light. Borte, sword out, lingered nearby.
"Is something wrong?" Yrene asked, the glow in her hands fading. The man sagged, going boneless as the healer's assault on the demon inside him halted.
Chaol steered his chair closer to her, the wheels equipped for rougher terrain. "Aelin and her companions want a demonstration. If you're up for it."
Yrene smoothed back the hair that had escaped her braid. "It's not really anything that you can see. What happens is beneath the skinâmind to mind."
"You go up against Valg demons directly," Fenrys said with no small amount of awe.
"They're hateful, cowardly wretches." Yrene crossed her arms and scowled at the man tied to the cot. "Utterly pathetic," she spat toward himâthe demon inside him.
The man hissed. Yrene only smiled. The manâthe demon-whimpered.
Aelin blinked, unsure whether to laugh or fall to her knees. "Show me. Do whatever it is you do, but show me."
Borte said, "It's not very exciting with them tied down, is it?"
Sartaq threw her an exasperated glare. As if this were a conversation they'd already had many times. "You can be on mucking duty, if you'd prefer."
Borte rolled her eyes, but turned to Aelin, looking her over with a frankness that Aelin could only appreciate. "Any other missions for me?"
Aelin grinned. "Not yet. Soon, perhaps." Borte grinned right back. "Please. Please spare me from the tedium of this."
"And you believe them?" Fenrys asked.
Hasar patted the hilt of her fine sword. "Our interrogators are skilled at retrieving the truth."
Aelin ignored the roiling in her stomach.
"So you free them," Gavriel said, silent for minutes now, "and then torture them?"
"This is war," Hasar said simply. "We leave them able to function. But we will not risk sparing their lives only to find a new army at our backs."
"Some willingly joined Erawan," Chaol said quietly. "Some willingly took the ring. Yrene can tell, when she's in there, who wanted it or not. She doesn't bother to save those who gladly knelt. So most of those she does save were either fools or taken forcibly."
"Some want to fight for us," Sartaq said.
"Those who pass our vetting process are allowed to begin training with the foot soldiers. Not many of them, but a few." Fine. Fine, and fine.
Yrene gasped, her light flaring bright enough that Aelin squinted.
Yrene slumped back, Chaol shooting out an arm to brace her. The healer only took a perch on the arm of his chair, a hand on her heaving chest.
Aelin gave her a moment to catch her breath. To manage such a feat was remarkable. To do it while pregnant ... Aelin shook her head in wonder.
Yrene said to no one in particular, "That demon didn't want to go."
"But it's gone now?" Aelin asked
Yene pointed to the man on the cot, now opening his eyes. Brown, not black, gazed upward.
"Thank you," was all the man said, his voice raw.
And human. Utterly human.
#Chapter 66#Aelin Galathynius#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 66 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#KoA part of chapter 66 (one/two more till Pt. 2)-HomepinetalksknownPeaceCloserBetter-Did it matter now?Revealing what?#A guess lol-She'd known-THE LETTERS-thatâs what she had been waiting for-whatâs the last card?-Never again it would wreck her only that-#-pain brought that power-AELIN STOP PLANNING A DEATH-Break US-Heâs aware-So she said it-I know-I want it over-so it will be-heâll find a wa#Who and what it made her-A coward-no. Can nehemias ghost pop up and fix that please?-Just over by any meansNot death just not this#Uncompromising will-Enough-Promises-A hand again-Her mothers gift-The most precious part-OW WHY WOULD YOU turn it into that line#putting the AH in Sarah-Given to him again-lol again Gavriel leaving lol-very Feyre of her-wait Is she pregnant? Nope lol-Gavriel arranging#-everything heâd be a great wedding planner-them sharing food I want us to eat well-good ole Mistward days-lol literally no care#Use the elevator folks-THE BIRD RUMOR-and another broom closet lol-YESSSKashin (never thought weâd be here but okay)#naps needed-they are centuries old-okay wait Maeve all of them how old is she?-hearth mothers?-Her faceAn ember-The gap DAMN-#-The river DOUBLE DAMN-The fangs SHIT-Endovier NOPE!-damn the Valg rings Iâm so paranoid-They learned-the ChainsThey both held her they kne#Laugh or cry idk-Show me how?War.Fine.What next?!-Erawan AND Maeve NO UGH-Needed to walk & get away uh yeah-damn magic gods-#Yrene and the baby thoughâŚwhat if-he couldnât for her-The marks-Love is a weakness matches the old script flipped-what it meant-#Only Gavriel would have arranged them with such care.#THE RUMORS SCENE IS EVEN BETTER THAN I THOUGHT LOL#who did he kill with a table leg?đ#HoF full circle lol#His brown eyes were welcoming his smile easy. She liked him immediately.#He requires frequent naps in his old age#Aelin let an ember of that power smolder in her eyes. Thank you for the armor she crooned.âcoronation#YES CHAOL standing up for him her everyoneâYrenes feist has taught him well#Rowan's hand grazed her own.#Rowan laid a hand on her lower back and Fenrys stepped closer to her side.#with a frankness that Aelin could only appreciateâBorte had dropped her off beforeâNesryn saved#Yrene wreathed in white light-remarkable. To do it while pregnant ... Aelin shook her head in wonder.#And human. Utterly human.
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u talk, i listen
summary: youâre loud, dramatic, and one emotional spiral away from a breakdown. heâs quiet, calm, and allergic to unnecessary words. at first, you drive him insane but maybe thatâs part of your charm. you make the chaos, and he makes sure you donât burn the whole world down with it.
genre: fluff | hyper gf x calm bf
characters: sunghoon x f!reader
words: 13k
warnings: none i think!
The first time you met Park Sunghoon, youâre pretty sure he hates you.
To be fair, it was your first day, and Ni-kiâwho you knew for exactly ten minutesâtold you pressing the green button on the espresso machine would help "wake it up."
It did not.
Instead, it made the machine scream, shoot steam into your face, and sent you stumbling backward with a noise that sounded suspiciously like a dying goose. A tray of croissants nearly went down with you.
âOH MY GODâNi-ki!â a voice shrieked from somewhere near the pastry display.
You coughed, flailed, and possibly cried, when someone silently reached past you and switched the machine off with a flick of his wrist. No words. Just calm, collected competence. The kind that makes you feel even more like a human disaster.
You looked upâand saw him. Park Sunghoon.
Heâs quiet. Like, unnervingly quiet. Dressed in black from head to toe with his sleeves rolled just enough to show his veins (rude), and eyes that flick to you once before looking away again. Not a single word. Just a blank expression like youâre a fly heâs choosing not to swat.
âDonât mind him,â Sunoo said, swooping in with a comforting hand on your shoulder. âThatâs Sunghoon. He doesnât talk much, but heâs not mean. I promise.â
âI didnât say he was mean,â you muttered, still trying to rearrange the croissants you nearly obliterated.
âYou thought it, though,â Sunoo grinned, like heâs already read your soul.
Meanwhile, Ni-ki was cackling in the corner, filming your breakdown for "training purposes."
Sunghoon, still wordless, wiped the steam wand clean, glanced once at the mess youâve made, thenâfinallyâmuttered, âYou shouldnât listen to Ni-ki.â
His voice was soft, low. Dangerous. Like he only spoke when absolutely necessary.
You blinked. âThanks for the early intel.â
He looked at you again. Longer this time.
And then, he walked away.
No other words. Just disappeared behind the back counter like you were the one who interrupted his day.
ââŚSo anyway!â Sunoo chirped, practically dragging you away, âLetâs get you trained before you break anything else, hmm?â
You glanced back once, just in time to see Sunghoon glance over his shoulder at you.
He looked away first.
And for some reason⌠that annoyed you.
â
Youâd worked four shifts now. Sunoo was basically your fairy godmother, Ni-ki was your unpaid therapist-slash-chaos agent, and Sunghoon?
Sunghoon was still a cardboard box with perfect skin.
He didnât talk to you unless he had to. Didnât smile unless he was laughing at something Sunoo said. Didnât even look at you unless you were actively on fire, and even then, you werenât sure heâd do more than mildly raise an eyebrow.
Which was extra annoying because somehow he was also weirdly funny. When he talked to Ni-ki or Sunoo, heâd drop the driest one-liners out of nowhere, and suddenly everyone was on the floor laughing. You tried to talk to him? Nothing. Crickets. Maybe a blink, if you were lucky.
You were cleaning the counter one evening when you caught him saying something to Ni-ki, low and casual, and Ni-ki absolutely lost it.
âOkay, that was actually good,â Sunoo wheezed. âWhere was that energy earlier when she knocked over the milk?â
âShe was already dying,â Sunghoon replied. âDidnât need to bury her.â
Your head snapped up. âExcuse me?!â
He looked at you, slow and lazy, like he was surprised you heard. âItâs a compliment.â
âHow is that a compliment?â
He shrugged. âYouâre resilient.â
You stared. âIâwhatâresilient?! I tripped over my own shoelace!â
âI noticed.â
Sunoo clapped a hand over his mouth like he was about to implode.
You blinked at Sunghoon. He blinked back.
You narrowed your eyes. âYouâre soââ
He lifted a brow. âYouâre loud.â
You opened your mouth, but Sunoo threw an arm around your shoulders like he was trying to defuse a bomb.
âOkayyy! Letâs all take a breath,â he sang. âSome of us process friendship through gentle banter and others process it by⌠doing whatever it is Sunghoon does... verbal sparring?â
âIâm not sparring,â Sunghoon said, already walking away.
You glared at his back. âYou never spar. You just vanish.â
âExactly,â he called over his shoulder.
You looked at Sunoo. âI donât get him.â
Sunoo just smiled. âYou will.â
You really thought you wouldnâtâuntil God bestowed upon you a tragic prophecy, disguised as the cafĂŠ schedule for the following week.
MonâFri Closing Shift (5PMâ11PM): YOU + SUNGHOON
You stared and blinked, rubbed your eyes, tried processing.
Sunghoon saw it at the same time you did.
ââŚNo,â he said flatly.
You crossed your arms. âWow. Good to see you too.â
âSunoo,â he called toward the kitchen. âSwitch me. Please.â
âNope!â Sunooâs voice floated back. âYouâll thank me later!â
You both stared at the schedule like it had personally offended you. Thenâslowlyâat each other.
This was going to be a long week.
â
Monday was⌠quiet.
You tried to make conversationâabout the playlist, the new coffee beans, even the weatherâbut Sunghoon gave you absolutely nothing. Just a few nods and hums, like you were a podcast playing in the background.
You swore he spent more time restocking stirrers than actually speaking to you.
You huffed under your breath, finding him impossible to work with. The shift felt ten hours longer than it actually was, and you were convinced the silence was slowly killing your soul.
As the evening dragged on, you caught him sitting at the back counter, pulling out a laptop in between cleaning duties. You tried not to be nosyâbut it was hard not to peek.
Tabs upon tabs of schoolwork were open on his screenâassignments, lecture slides, even a color-coded spreadsheet. You blinked. Huh. Sunghoon was more hardworking than youâd expected. You thought he was just the type to show up, do his job, and disappear back into the voidâbut here he was, typing away like the shift never even ended.
You munched on your dinner, a sad slice of pizza you grabbed from down the street during your break. The cheese had hardened and the crust was borderline cardboard, but it was food. You leaned against the counter, chewing quietly, when you realizedâ
Sunghoon hadnât eaten anything. Not since the two of you started at five.
You watched him from the corner of your eye, fingers tapping against his keyboard, face unreadable in the glow of his screen.
You opened your mouth. âHey, do youââ But you stopped yourself. Closed it again.
Heâd probably just get annoyed. Or say no in that flat, disinterested way of his. And then youâd feel stupid. Still, you kept glancing over at him, stealing quick looks in between bites. At one point, you noticed his hands pressing lightly against his stomach, like he was trying to ignore it. His expression didnât change, but the movement said enough.
He was probably hungry. You looked down at the last bite of pizza in your hand and sighed.
Tuesday, you decided, would be different.
Tuesday, you showed up with an extra sandwich from the convenience store.
You didnât say anything. Just slid it across the counter around 7PM, because the night before, he hadnât eaten dinner and you werenât about to let him pass out mid-espresso pull.
He stared at the sandwich. Then at you.
You raised a brow. âYou didnât eat yesterday.â
He blinked. ââŚOkay.â
âYouâre welcome.â
You didnât hear a thank you. But he didnât give it back either.
Progress.
Wednesday, there was a cup of noodles in your locker.
Just sitting there. No note. No explanation. Just⌠sitting.
You marched up to Sunghoon, holding it in your hands like evidence. âDid you put this in my locker?â
He looked at the cup noodle. Then at you. Then blinked, deadpan. ââŚNo.â
âReally.â
He shrugged.
You squinted at him.
He walked away.
You were this close to launching the noodle at the back of his head. Instead, you ate it. And maybe smiled. A little.
Thursday, you both brought each other dinner. At the same time.
You froze at the counter, holding out your plastic bag just as he set his down.
ââŚI got you something,â you said.
He stared at your bag. Then gestured to his. âSo did I.â
You glanced at each other, at the food, and then away.
âThanks,â you muttered.
He nodded. âMm.â
You caught the tiniest tug at the corner of his mouth as he turned around.
You smiled too. But only when he wasnât looking.
Friday, you didnât expect anything. You were restocking the fridge when you heard it:
âHey.â
You turned around, startled. âWhat?â
Sunghoon was standing there, one hand on the fridge door, the other in his pocket. His voice was quiet, like he was testing it out on you for the first time.
âIâuh,â he started, eyes flicking to yours, then away. âYou always wear that hair clip. The pink one. With the sparkles.â
You blinked. âYeah?â
He nodded slowly. âI thought it was dumb at first.â
âOkayâŚ?â
âBut now itâs kindaâŚâ He paused, scratched the back of his neck. âI dunno. Cute, I guess.â
You stared at him.
âForget it,â he muttered, moving past you.
âNo wait,â you said, stepping into his path, a slow grin spreading across your face. âDid you just say Iâm cute?â
He didnât look at you. âI said the clip is cute.â
âThat Iâm wearing.â
âThat doesnât meanââ
âSunghoon thinks Iâm cute~â you sang, spinning in a circle while he groaned and walked away.
But you caught itâright before he turned around completely.
The smile. The real one.
And for the first time all week, you were pretty sure⌠he might have liked you back.
The silence didnât feel heavy anymore. It wasnât awkward. Just quiet. Comfortable. Like a pause instead of a wall.
You were sweeping. He was mopping. The usual end-of-shift rhythm. You hummed a song under your breathâsomething from the cafĂŠ playlist that had been looping for hours. He didnât comment on it this time. Just kept mopping in sync with you.
The air smelled like cleaning solution and vanilla syrup. The lights were dimmed to their soft closing hour glow. Outside, the city buzzed quietly under the street lamps.
Then you heard itâhis voice. Low. Careful.
âI hear youâre starting college soon.â
You blinked, glancing up from your broom. He wasnât looking at you, just focusing on a coffee stain near the back corner of the cafĂŠ.
âYeah,â you said. âOrientationâs next week.â
He nodded once. âSame.â
You stopped sweeping. âWaitâseriously?â
He nodded again, this time glancing at you. âBusiness major?â
âYeah. Are youââ
âSame.â
You stared. âYouâre kidding.â
He shook his head, mouth twitching like he couldnât believe it either. âGuess youâre stuck with me.â
You couldnât help itâyou grinned. âWow. And I thought this week was the end of my suffering.â
He smirked, just a little. âMutual, believe me.â
You rolled your eyes, but your cheeks felt warm. âThis is gonna be weird.â
âProbably.â
You leaned against your broom, tilting your head. âWhat if we get put in the same class?â
âIâll transfer out.â
You laughed. Actually laughed. And the look on his face softened in that tiny, quiet way he did sometimesâlike a blink-and-you-miss-it moment of fondness.
âSo,â you said, brushing past him on your way to put the broom away, âdoes this mean weâre friends now?â
He paused. Looked at you.
ThenââYouâre loud.â
You turned around, walking backward. âNot a no~â
He rolled his eyes. But he didnât say no.
â
Your first day of college started in a lecture theatre that looked like it belonged in a movie.
Wide rows of tiered seats. Floor-to-ceiling windows. A massive screen at the front welcoming new students with a generic but oddly comforting "Welcome, Future Leaders!" banner.
You slid into a seat at the back row, instinctively avoiding the eager clusters forming near the front. It was still early, and the place buzzed with chatter, nerves, and the rustle of free tote bags and pamphlets.
You opened one of the pamphlets a student ambassador had handed you earlier and scanned it while sipping on the last of your bottled tea. Campus map. Co-curricular activities. After-school programmes. There was even a flowchart on how to balance academic and personal development. It was cheesy, but a part of youâthe part that studied like hell to get hereâfelt⌠proud. You belonged here. You were surrounded by people who cared just as much as you did.
You let out a small sigh, the kind that came from contentment, then finally looked upâ
And blinked.
Sunghoon was walking toward you.
Brown coat sweeping behind him. A scarf looped casually around his neck. Glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, framing his face in a way that made him look straight out of a campus brochure. He carried two cups of coffee in one hand, the sleeves of his coat pushed just enough to reveal the band of his watch.
He didnât say anything at first. Just placed one of the cups in front of you like it was the most natural thing in the world.
You stared at it. Then at him.
ââŚYou stalking me now?â
Sunghoon raised a brow. âYouâre sitting in the back row. Thatâs the least stalkable seat.â
âMm,â you hummed, smirking as you took the coffee anyway. âSo you do want to be friends.â
He slid into the seat beside you. âI didnât say that.â
âYou didnât have to.â You raised the cup. âActs of service. Love language. Iâm flattered.â
He gave you a look. âItâs just coffee.â
âAnd glasses,â you added, gesturing to his face. âYouâre really committing to the college-boy aesthetic, huh? Next youâre gonna pull out a book of poetry.â
He rolled his eyes, but you didnât miss the way his lip twitched like he was holding back a smile. âYouâre annoying.â
You took a sip. It was warm. Slightly sweet. Exactly how you liked it.
âAnd yet,â you said, nudging his arm with your elbow, âhere you are.â
He didnât answer. Just looked ahead at the empty podium, his fingers wrapped around his own cup. But his shoulder stayed against yoursâlight, steady, unbothered.
And you⌠didnât move away.
Then, the two of you were a part of a routine.
Ever since you both found out you were classmates, Sunghoon would wait in the apartment lobby every morning with a drink in handâtea or coffee, depending on how late you texted him the night before.
Before 12AM? Chamomile. After 12? Iced latte, extra pumps of vanilla. No questions asked.
It had been a whole month of college, and while you were still adjusting, you were glad you had Sunghoon. (More likeâSunghoon was glad he had you.)
You were outgoing. People liked you, drawn in by your energy. Sure, you could be shy at first, but once you warmed up, you were easily the heart of any group. Loud. Expressive. A little dramatic. And though Sunghoon called you irritating more times than you could count, he couldnât deny it was part of your charm.
Part of why he noticed you in the first place.
Now here you wereâwalking side by side, warm drink in hand, on your way to your first class of the day. You were mid-story about something ridiculous your professor said in a group chat. Sunghoon just walked quietly beside you, listening.
And somehow, that felt like the best part of your morning.
You were walking across the quad with Sunghoon, your cup in one hand, rambling about something dumb from class when a football came flying almost knocking you out.
A second later, a tall guy sprinted into your path, trying to catch itâand collided right into you.
You gasped, stumbling back, but before you could even register what happened, Sunghoon had already pulled you aside, his hand wrapping firmly around your arm, shielding you behind him.
âShitâsorry!â the guy said, breathless, catching the ball. His cap was turned backwards, and strands of his hair stuck to his forehead from running. He looked at you, eyes wide. âYou okay?â
You nodded, eyes locking with his.
He smiled.
And for a moment, your heart stuttered.
He was cute. Really cute. Sharp jaw, dimpled grin, that kind of effortless charm that made you forget what you were saying.
âIâuh, yeah. All good,â you mumbled.
Sunghoonâs hand slowly dropped from your arm. You didnât notice. You were still looking at Yeonjun.
He looked at you too. âIâm Yeonjun, by the way.â
You smiled, just a little. âNice to meet you.â
Sunghoon stood still beside you, silent as ever.
But he saw it.
The look. The smile. The way you laughed, a little softer than usual. The way Yeonjunâs eyes lingered when he handed you back the drink you almost dropped.
Sunghoon didnât say anything.
He just looked away.
â
Yeonjun showed up at the cafĂŠ on a Friday afternoon, all sunshine and charm, and you were too busy juggling orders to notice him at firstâuntil he waved from the counter with that same boyish smile.
Your eyes lit up. âOh my godâhey!â
He leaned over casually, glancing at the menu. âDidnât know you worked here. I guess Iâll have to stop by more often.â
Meanwhile, across the room, Sunghoon sat at a corner table with a textbook open in front of him and an untouched iced americano beside it. According to him, he was there to study. According to Sunoo, he was there to âkeep an eye out for Selenur.â (Sunooâs thoughtful codename for you, since he was very sure Sunghoon had a âthingâ for you)
Sunghoon told him to shut up.
Now, he watched silently as you and Yeonjun exchanged numbers, your head tilted toward the screen, smile wide. He saw Yeonjun grin, say something that made you laugh, and hand you his phone.
Sunghoonâs jaw tightened.
Not my problem, he told himself, eyes flicking back to his textbook. Not. My. Problem.
You walked over seconds later, practically skipping, still holding your phone like it was made of gold. âCan you believe it? He asked me out!â
Sunghoon didnât look up.
You slid into the seat across from him anyway, hitting his arm repeatedly with giddy little slaps. âSunghoon. He asked. Me. Out!â
He sighed, finally meeting your eyes. âStop hitting me.â
âSorry,â you giggled, not sorry at all. âIâm just excited!â
He watched you bounce in your seat, hair bouncing with you, eyes sparkling like you just won the lottery. He hated to admit how adorable you looked when you were like this. But he had a reputation. And emotions. And he was firmly committed to ignoring both.
Still. Something didnât sit right.
Sunghoon had done a little digging after the football incident. Nothing crazy. Just⌠a casual scroll through Instagram. And maybe a few archived posts. Some comments. A look at mutuals. Purely for research.
Yeonjun was a third-year business major. A senior. Popular. Handsome. And according to a few posts Sunghoon definitely did not saveâsomeone who changed girlfriends like he changed outfits.
He didnât like it.
He didnât like him.
Not for you.
But what did he know?
He looked down, turning a page in his textbook. Not my problem, he chanted in his head.
Definitely not.
â
Sunghoon stood in the apartment lobby, one hand tucked in his coat pocket, the other holding your usual coffee order. He checked his phone for the time, glanced toward the elevatorâthen froze.
You stepped out, smile already bright, your phone in one hand and the hem of your dress held lightly in the other. It was the prettiest thing heâd ever seen you wearâsoft fabric that fell just above your knees, cinched slightly at the waist, the color making your skin glow. Your hair was styled, subtle makeup dusted across your cheeks, and your lips were curved in that effortless way that made it suddenly very hard to breathe.
You looked⌠gorgeous.
His heart did something stupid in his chest, but he quickly cleared his throat and looked away, pretending to be fascinated by the vending machine.
âHow do I look?â you asked, voice playful.
He didnât meet your eyes. âThe same,â he muttered.
âOh,â you said quietly. âDo I?â
You sighed, and he heard the disappointment in itâsaw the way your shoulders dropped just slightly.
Guilt hit him instantly.
âIn a good way,â he added quickly, almost too quickly.
You blinked. âHuh?â
He finally looked at you, then down at the coffee he was still holding. âYou look⌠pretty today.â
He cleared his throat and shoved the cup toward you before you could say anything else. Then he turned and started walking first, trying to escape the inevitable teasing.
But it didnât come.
Instead, you smiled behind your cup and jogged up to walk beside him.
âWhy are you dressed like that?â he asked after a few beats of silence.
âMy date with Yeonjunâs today,â you said with a grin.
His step faltered for a split second. âYou like him that much?â
You shrugged. âI donât know about like, but⌠itâs justâIâve never been asked out before.â
You tilted your head as you said it, your voice soft. Honest.
Sunghoon frowned. âIâm surprised.â
âWhatâs so surprising?â you laughed. âYouâve met me. Everyoneâs either calling me loud or annoying.â
âIsnât that whatâs so charming about you?â
The words slipped out before he could stop them.
You turned to him, eyes wide, mouth parting. âDid you justâcompliment me?â
âNo,â he said immediately, gaze fixed ahead like it never happened.
You didnât press it.
You just smiled again, even softer this time, and walked beside him like nothing had changed.
But for Sunghoon⌠everything had.
â-
The date started off⌠nice. Not mind-blowing. Not movie-level magical. But nice.
Yeonjun took you to a rooftop cafĂŠ near campusâfairy lights strung across the ceiling, soft music humming under the chatter. He pulled your chair out like a gentleman, complimented your dress, and told you you looked beautiful in the golden hour light. You laughed, cheeks warm, nerves fluttering. You werenât used to this. To being seen.
âYou know,â he said between sips of his coffee, âI heard you got into the business faculty because of some competition?â
You nodded, a little surprised. âYeah. The Young Entrepreneursâ thing in my final year.â
âThatâs so impressive,â he said, leaning forward with a glint in his eye. âYou must have had a really solid proposal. What was it about?â
You blinked. âUm⌠a sustainable student-run cafĂŠ model. With profit-sharing incentives and local sourcing.â
Yeonjunâs smile widened. âThatâs genius. Seriously. Are you using it for any of your current modules?â
You hesitated. âWell⌠sort of. Iâm reworking the model for this semesterâs proposal project.â
He nodded slowly. âWow. You must be at the top of your class already.â
There was a pause. You tried to smile, but something twisted in your gut. He kept askingâabout the proposal, your outline, your ideas. Details most people would only bring up if they were in your group, or at least interested in the topic.
You excused yourself to go to the bathroom. The second the door closed behind you, you leaned against the sink, staring at yourself in the mirror. Something about this didnât feel right. You couldnât place it, but the way he kept circling back to your work felt⌠off.
When you returned, Yeonjun was all smiles again. Charming. Sweet. As if nothing had happened. As if he hadnât just gently interrogated you for thirty minutes under the glow of fairy lights.
You tried to shake it off.
The next day, your phone stayed quiet. And the day after that. And the one after that, too.
No texts. No calls. No explanation.
Yeonjun ghosted you. Completely. Like the date never happened. Like you never happened.
You told yourself it didnât matter. That it wasnât like you were in love with him. That it was just one date. One boy.
But it still stung.
It wasnât about Yeonjun, not really. It was about what it made you wonder.
Maybe you were hard to like. Maybe you were too loud. Or too awkward. Maybe you talked too much, or didnât say the right things. Maybe you werenât pretty enough. Or cool enough. Or quiet enough.
He smiled at you. Told you you were smart. Sweet. Pretty. And stillâhe left. Without a word.
And it made you wonder if all the things people always said about you were true. If deep down, you were too much of everything⌠and not enough of anything.
You didnât even like Yeonjun like that, not really. But being left behind like you didnât matterâthat part hurt more than you'd ever admit out loud.
Especially when all you did was try to be yourself.
Then came the worst part.
You were working on a different assignment, digging through your laptop for a reference doc when you realized⌠your final business proposal was gone.
Completely gone.
You stared at the empty folder for a long, frozen second. Then searched again. And again. You turned the whole desktop inside out, but the file wasnât there.
Panic bloomed in your chest. You didnât delete it. You never would.
Desperate, you made your way to the engineering block where your friend Heeseung was camped out, headphones around his neck and an energy drink half-empty beside him.
You dropped beside him and wordlessly shoved your laptop in front of him.
âI think my fileâs gone,â you muttered. âLikeâgone gone.â
Heeseung frowned, pulling the laptop toward him. Fingers flying across the keyboard. You sat still, breath caught in your throat.
After a few minutes, he leaned back in his chair.
âIt says here your laptopâs last file access was through a thumbdrive. Someone plugged one in, moved your business proposal, then took it out.â
You stared at him.
âWhat?â you said. Your voice barely above a whisper.
He clicked again, tilting the screen. âTime stamp says it happened the day before yesterday. Around 8:42 PM.â
Your mind flicked back.
Yeonjun. That was the night of your date.
No. No way. He wouldnâtâ He couldnâtâ
But the timing fit. The questions. The ghosting.
No. No fucking way.
â
You were pissed.
You wiped the counters with a little too much force, angrily scrubbing at invisible stains like they personally betrayed you. The blender hadnât even been used today, but you cleaned it twice. You huffed. You sighed. You muttered curses under your breath while flinging dishrags and slamming cabinet doors just a bit harder than necessary.
Sunghoon stood at the sink, quietly washing mugs like you were a rabid animal he didnât want to startle.
âIââ he started.
You grunted.
âYouââ
You sighed.
He blinked. You hadnât let him get out a full sentence all shift. At this point, you were acting like him, and he was the one trying to initiate conversation.
It was terrifying.
Thirty minutes of silence passed before you finally spoke.
âYou know what I hate about men?â
Sunghoon froze mid-dry. He glanced down at his own very male hands. Great. He was framed by default.
âYou people,â you said, voice rising, âand your terrible innate sense of justice.â
You slammed the rag down onto the counter. âStealing a personâs work? Pfft. How stupid do you have to fucking be?!â
Sunghoon stayed quiet, lips pressed into a thin line. He had no idea what you were going on aboutâonly that your date with Yeonjun clearly didnât go well.
He opened his mouth to say something, but you waved a wet dishcloth in his face like a white flag of fury.
âAnd you know what else?â you went on, eyes blazing. âYou people are just little gremlins who take. And take. And take.â
You let out another heavy sigh, leaning against the counter like you were carrying the weight of all modern betrayal.
âAnd for what?!â
Your voice hit a pitch so sharp that Sunghoon actually flinched. He snapped upright like youâd physically struck him.
âIâm guessing the date didnât go so well?â he offered carefully.
âHe stole my business proposal.â
Sunghoon paused. ââŚWhat do you mean?â
You exhaled through your nose like a dragon mid-breakdown, pacing the space behind the counter as you told him everything. The date. The weird questions. The missing file. The thumb drive. Heeseungâs diagnosis. The awful, dawning realization.
By the time you were finished, Sunghoon just stood thereâspeechless. Stunned.
âHeâs an⌠asshole,â he said finally, slow and deliberate, like he needed to taste each word before letting it out.
âYuhuh,â you mumbled, flopping into the stool behind the register and dragging your hands down your face. âWhat am I gonna do? The deadlineâs on Friday. I spent two weeks on that thing. Iâm screwed.â
Sunghoon reached for the industrial bag of coffee beans under the counter, tearing it open like this was a normal Tuesday. âWell, itâs not like you can sneak into his house and steal his laptop back.â
You froze.
ââŚCome again?â
Sunghoon paused, one hand still buried in the bag. âNo. That was just a comment. Not an idea.â
âBut a good one.â You turned toward him slowly, a little too bright. A little too smiley.
He narrowed his eyes. âNo.â
âPlease.â
âNo.â
âYou have to help me.â
âWhy me?!â
âBecause you gave me the idea!â
Sunghoon sighed. Loudly. Dramatically. Like he already knew he was going to give in but had to fight for the sake of his pride.
âYouâre lucky I donât believe in karma,â he muttered.
You grinned, victory written all over your face. âSo thatâs a yes?â
â
It was 3:07AM when Sunghoon found himself walking through a quiet residential street, questioning every decision that had brought him to this point.
The address youâd sent him earlier lit up on his screen. He shoved his hands deeper into his coat pockets, exhaling into the chilly night, whenâ
âPsst!â
He turned his head toward a cluster of treesâand nearly jumped out of his skin.
You were crouched behind a bush, donned in an all-black ensemble: black beanie, oversized black hoodie, black jeans, andâŚ
âSlippers?â he blinked.
You grinned, proud. âI see you noticed the vibe. Iâm dressed up as a burglar.â
Sunghoon stared. ââŚIsnât that a little on the nose?â
âIsnât it cute?â you whispered, excited. âI got it all on sale just now.â
âAt what? A Target for burglars?â
You swatted his chest with the back of your hand, ignoring the way he flinched with a low sigh.
âThere,â you said, pointing toward the modest two-story house across the street. âThatâs his house.â
âOkay, and whatâs yourââ You swat him again.
âOur plan?â he corrected, exasperated.
You beamed. âGlad you asked. See that room on the second floor? With the string lights and the cracked window?â
He squinted. âYeah?â
âMy intel says thatâs his room.â
ââŚYour intel. You mean, Sunoo?â
âYes.â You wiggled your brows mysteriously before turning serious. âSo. We put up the ladder. I climb. I sneak in. I get the laptop. We disappear.â
âYouâre actually insane for this,â he muttered under his breath.
You ignored him, eyes locked on the prize. âThe windows are open, and I made sure heâs distracted tonight.â
Sunghoon raised an eyebrow. âHow exactly?â
âI texted him from a fake number pretending to be a girl he ghosted last semester. Heâs currently having a breakdown about his âreputation.â I give us twenty minutes.â
He stared at you like youâd grown a second head.
And then he sighed. Deep. Long. Existential.
Is this worth it? He thought to himself.
He glanced down at you againâeyes full of unhinged determination, your hoodie sleeves bunched at your wrists, that tiny pout on your lips as you tried to judge the ladder distance.
God. You looked ridiculous. And cute.
So yeah. It was worth it.
ââŚLetâs do this,â he said.
You grinned like the gremlin you were. âI knew you liked me.â
He rolled his eyes, cheeks just a little too warm. âRegretting this already.â
But he followed you anyway.
â
You set the ladder against the side of the house like youâd done this before. Sunghoon, meanwhile, stood beside it with the stiff posture of someone definitely not okay with committing a crime at 3:15AM.
You looked back at him. âHold it steady, okay?â
âJust⌠for the record,â he muttered, âthis is breaking and entering.â
âI prefer the term justice retrieval.â
He sighed so hard you thought his soul left his body. âJust donât fall and die. Please.â
You winked. âAw, you care.â
âNo, I just donât want to explain to the police why youâre dressed like a criminal and wearing slippers.â
You began to climb.
The first few steps were fineâuntil one of your slippers nearly slipped right off.
âOh, fuckââ you hissed, gripping the ladder.
âDo you need to wear those?â Sunghoon whisper-yelled from below, clutching the base of the ladder like his life depended on it.
âTheyâre comfy!â
âTheyâre a hazard.â
You ignored him, determined, as you reached the second-floor window. The breeze fluttered through the half-open pane, moonlight pooling gently across Yeonjunâs empty room. His laptop sat on the desk, closed. Glowing faintly.
Target acquired.
You carefully pushed the window open wider and swung one leg through.
Sunghoon watched from below, jaw tight, muttering to himself like a man saying his last prayers. âThis is how I go down. Helping a girl in bunny slippers commit theft.â
You managed to slide inside without knocking anything over. Heart pounding. Hands slightly shaking.
You tiptoed across the carpet, grabbed the laptop, and slipped it into your drawstring bag like the world's most underqualified spy.
You were halfway back out the window whenâ
âHEY! WHOâS THERE?!â
A voice rang out from somewhere downstairs.
Your eyes widened. You turned to look down at Sunghoon, who was still grabbing the bottom of the ladder.
âGo, go, goâ!â you whispered harshly.
You clambered down the ladder as fast as you could, nearly taking Sunghoon out as you reached the bottom. He caught your wrist before you could stumble, pulling you into a sprint without a word.
Your feet pounded against the pavementâslippers slapping, bag bouncing, hearts racing. Behind you, a door slammed open.
âHEY!â Yeonjunâs voice echoed into the street.
Sunghoon didnât slow down. âLeft!â he hissed.
You turned sharply, ducking into a narrow alley between two quiet apartment buildings. The shadows swallowed you both instantly.
âOver hereâquick,â he muttered, yanking you behind a large trash bin and squeezing into the tight space beside you. It was small. Barely enough for one person, let alone two.
You pressed your back to the wall, chest heaving, adrenaline thrumming in your ears.
Sunghoonâs face was too close. Way too close.
You turned to whisper something, only to notice the way his profile was still partially visible, his cheek nearly poking out past the safety of the shadow. Panic surged through you as Yeonjunâs footsteps grew louder.
Without thinking, you reached out and grabbed Sunghoonâs faceâgentle but urgentâand pulled him toward you, forcing him deeper into the corner.
He blinked, startled, his hands landing on either side of you to steady himself.
And suddenlyâeverything stopped.
His breath hit yours. Warm. Shaky. His nose nearly brushing yours. Your fingertips still on his cheek. You could feel the heat rising between your bodies, your heart hammering against your ribcage.
You were so focused on listening for footsteps that you didnât notice the way he was looking at you.
His eyes were locked on yours, soft and unblinking. Like you were something precious. Something fragile. Something he wasnât supposed to want but couldnât help reaching for.
But thenâhe cleared his throat.
You blinked, still slightly dazed, and smiledâcompletely unaware of how close you were until you finally pulled away.
He stepped back the moment you did.
You laughed, breathless, heart still sprinting inside your chest. âI canât believe we just did that.â
âI canât believe you dragged me into it,â he said, grinning despite himself.
Your laughter echoed down the alley, light and free and bubbling with triumph.
And even as the moment passed, and the footsteps faded, and you both stumbled back out into the quiet nightâ
Sunghoon couldnât stop thinking about how your hands had felt on his skin.
â
Sunghoon unlocked the door and stepped into the apartment as if nothing about the situation was even remotely unusual. You followed close behind, hoodie pulled low over your head, black beanie snug, sleeves covering your hands, andâmost incriminating of allâa pair of fuzzy bunny slippers completing the look. If anyone had seen you on the way over, they mightâve called the cops.
Inside, the living room was dimly lit, the glow of the TV casting flickering light across Jake and his girlfriend, who were curled up under a blanket, halfway through a rom-com rerun and clearly deep into their peaceful little couple night. That peace shattered the moment Jake looked up and saw you.
He froze with a chip halfway to his mouth. His girlfriend stiffened beside him. Their gazes locked on your all-black ensemble, eyes trailing from your hoodie to your slippers, as if unsure whether to scream, laugh, or call for help.
âSunghoon,â Jake said slowly, narrowing his eyes. âWhy is there a burglar in our house?â
You smiled brightly, completely unfazed. âHi!â
Jake blinked, turning to Sunghoon for confirmation. Sunghoon simply sighed, kicked his shoes off, and muttered under his breath, âNot how I wanted you to meet her.â
âYou brought her to the house,â Jake said, still staring. âAt 3 a.m. Dressed like that.â
You shrugged, strolling toward the desk and pulling Yeonjunâs laptop from your drawstring bag. âWeâre breaking into a computer, not the house. Totally different vibe.â
Jakeâs girlfriend leaned forward. âAre those bunny slippers?â
You nodded proudly. âTheyâre for stealth.â
âRight,â she said, blinking. âVery⌠quiet.â
Sunghoon dropped his keys on the table with a sigh, already preparing himself for the chaos about to unfold.
âSheâs trying to hack into a guyâs laptop,â he said, walking to the kitchen like he needed caffeine and therapy at once. âDonât ask.â
âWhy are you helping her?!â Jake asked, scandalized.
Sunghoon opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. âIâm not.â
âYou literally held the ladder for me twenty minutes ago,â you called over your shoulder.
Jake choked. âLadder? What ladder?!â
You turned around, laptop booted up, the login screen glowing faintly. âThe one I used to climb through a second-story window.â
Jake gaped. His girlfriend quietly set the chip bag down, her expression somewhere between horrified and fascinated.
âI love her,â she whispered to Jake.
âI fear her,â Jake whispered back.
Sunghoon leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed. He looked at youâmessy hair peeking out from under your beanie, eyes focused, face lit by the laptop screen. Completely unbothered by the scene youâd walked into.
And for some reason, despite all the madness, he still thought you looked kind of cute.
âGod help us all,â Sunghoon muttered.
By the time you cracked into the laptop, Jake and his girlfriend had already retreated into their bedroom. Sunghoon had closed the door behind them with a roll of his eyes and a muttered, âThatâs just code for theyâre about to smash, so we should probably play some music or something.â
Youâd snorted at the time, but now the silence in the room felt heavy.
The soft hum of the laptop was the only sound between you, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the floor next to Sunghoonâs desk. He sat beside you, legs stretched out, arms loosely folded, eyes flicking over the screen with quiet interestâuntil he glanced at your expression and realized youâd stopped scrolling.
âWhat is it?â he asked.
You didnât answer.
Your eyes were fixed on the folder open in front of you. Document after document lined the screen, all titled neatly with class names andâoddlyânames. Different ones.
Mina. Elly. Jisoo. Grace.
And then⌠your name.
You clicked on it. Your proposal opened, just slightly reworded, your diagrams rearrangedâbut it was yours. Every piece of it.
You stared at the screen and crossed your arms tightly, a cold knot settling in your chest. The adrenaline was gone now. In its place was something much heavier. You felt small. Humiliated.
âI was just another one,â you muttered.
Sunghoon looked over, brows drawing together.
âJust another girl he got close to for an assignment,â you said, voice flat. âWas I that boring? That forgettable? Was I really soâunlikableâthat the only time a guy showed me attention, it was because he needed my fucking work?â
You laughed bitterly, shaking your head as the words tumbled out, unfiltered. âGod. What is wrong with me? What did I think was gonna happen? That someone like him actually liked someone like me?â
You let your arms drop and folded your hands over your face, pressing your palms into your eyes.
âIâm so stupid,â you whispered.
Sunghoon didnât say anything at first. He just sat beside you, close but not touching, eyes fixed on the floor like he was trying to figure out the right thing to say and coming up completely empty.
You wiped at your face with the back of your sleeve, but it was no useâyour mascara had already betrayed you, running in streaks down your cheeks. You were crying harder than you realized, tears silent but relentless.
You turned to him, half-laughing, half-sobbing. âSo youâre just gonna stay quiet?â
He looked up, startled. His gaze met yours, and for a moment he forgot how to breathe. You lookedâGod, you looked like a mess. Eyes red, lashes damp, your hoodie sleeves pushed up unevenly, and cheeks stained with tears.
And somehow, he thought youâd never looked prettier.
You werenât pretending. Werenât smiling for the sake of others or hiding behind jokes. You were just⌠you. Raw and hurting and real.
He cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. âWhat do you want me to say? Iâm not good at comforting people.â
âI donât know,â you sniffled. âSay heâs an asshole or something.â
Sunghoon shrugged a little. âWell, he is.â
You looked at him, still waiting, unsure if that was all he had in him. He looked like he was about to say more, and thenâhe did.
âHe is an asshole,â Sunghoon repeated, louder this time. âI donât know why you even agreed to go out with him.â
You opened your mouth, confused. âIââ
âYouâre loud,â he said suddenly. âYouâre pretentious. Youâre annoyingââ
Your eyes widened, and you flinched.
âWhatââ
âYou interrupt people all the time,â he continued, voice rising with something that wasnât quite angerâsomething messier. âYou talk too much. You never stop moving. Youâre chaotic and stubborn and you donât think things throughââ
Tears were streaming down your face again, this time faster. You looked away, chest tightening.
But then his voice softened.
â...And youâre also caring. Kind. God, youâre the only person I know who goes to the store at four in the morning to feed stray cats in an alley every two days.â
You blinked. Slowly turned back to him.
Sunghoon exhaled, running a hand through his hair.
âYouâre funny. Youâre thoughtful. You remember the little things people say even when they forget they said them. Anyone would be lucky to be your friend⌠let alone always be with you.â
He looked at you then, eyes steady and full of something warm. Something aching.
âIâm lucky,â he said, quieter now. âIâm the luckiest bastard alive, as long as I get to stand next to you and call you my friend.â
You stared at him, heart pounding, lips parted, breath caught somewhere in your chest.
Because for the first time⌠it felt like he wasnât just calling you a friend.
â
Maybe it was the crying. Maybe it was the emotional whiplash of the nightâthe heist, the heartbreak, the sudden unraveling of every thought youâd kept tucked neatly away. Maybe it was the way Sunghoon had looked at you when he said he was lucky.
But either way, you couldnât keep your eyes open.
One moment you were sitting beside him, the warmth of his words still lingering in your chest like a quiet heartbeat. The next, the world had blurred softly at the edges, and your body gave out beneath the weight of it all.
So now, you were on his back.
Heâd barely hesitated before lifting you, tucking your arms around his shoulders and hooking his arms under your knees. You didnât even protestâyou were too tired to argue, too comforted by the way he held you like heâd done it before.
Your cheek rested against his shoulder, eyes fluttering shut. You felt the steady rise and fall of his chest as he walked, the rhythmic sway of his steps, the subtle hum of a tune you didnât recognizeâbut it was sweet, and low, and made your heartbeat slow down.
Sunghoon didnât say anything. He just walked.
Past the quiet streets. Past flickering streetlamps. Past your favorite corner store and the alley you fed cats in and the bus stop where he first bought you coffee.
He didnât complain about your weight. Didnât tease. Didnât say a word about the mascara smudged against the fabric of his coat.
You didnât know if he knew you were still half-awake, but when he gently adjusted your leg, you heard him murmur so softly you almost missed it:
âYouâre not stupid.â
Your heart ached.
And then you let sleep take you.
Because if there was ever a place to restâ It was here. On his back.
â
You woke up warm.
Too warm, actually. Wrapped in layers you didnât remember putting on. The hoodie you had on last night clung loosely to your body, sleeves pushed halfway up your arms, and your slippers were neatly placed by the side of your bedâsomething you definitely hadnât done.
You sat up slowly, blinking at the sunlight streaming through your curtains. Your room was quiet. Peaceful. And completely unfamiliar in the sense that⌠you had no idea how you got there.
You rubbed your eyes, your body aching in the most confusing wayâlike youâd run a marathon, cried through an entire movie, and fought off an emotional breakdown all at once. Oh. Right.
The heist. The yelling. The crying.
Sunghoon.
You swung your legs off the bed, still a little dazed, and padded out of your room.
Thatâs when you smelled itâeggs. Butter. Something slightly burnt, but in a way that made your chest tighten.
You turned the corner and froze.
Sunghoon was in your kitchen.
His hair was messier than usual, falling into his eyes as he stood in front of the stove, flipping something that might have once been a pancake. He was wearing the same hoodie from the night before, sleeves pushed up, a spatula in one hand, your mismatched cat-print apron tied haphazardly around his waist.
You blinked, brain short-circuiting. âWhat the hellâŚ?â
He glanced over his shoulder. âYouâre awake.â
âIâŚâ You looked down at yourself. âHow did I get home?â
âYou passed out,â he said simply, turning back to the stove. âI carried you.â
You stared at him. âYou carried me?â
âLike a princess,â he deadpanned. âExcept you drooled on my shoulder.â
You gasped. âI did not.â
âYou did.â
You groaned and dropped your head into your hands. âThis is so embarrassing.â
He flipped another pancakeâslightly more edible this timeâand shrugged. âYou needed the sleep.â
You looked up at him again, softer this time. âWhy are you making breakfast?â
He didnât look at you. âFelt like you could use something warm.â
You felt your throat tighten. You wanted to say something, but the words sat too heavy on your tongue. So instead, you just stood there in the doorway, watching him quietly.
And for the first time in what felt like weeksâyou felt safe.
Breakfast passed in silence.
Not awkward, not heavyâjust... silent. The kind of silence that settled like sunlight through the window, warm and gentle and unspoken.
You sat across from him at your little dining table, your knees brushing every so often beneath the wood, your plate mostly untouched. He ate like nothing was different, like he hadnât carried you home last night, like he didnât make pancakes in your kitchen while wearing your cat-print apron.
And yet, something had shifted.
You kept stealing glances at him in between tiny sips of orange juice. The way his lashes dipped as he focused on his food. The subtle curve of his mouth as he chewed. The way his hair curled just slightly at the ends when he didnât style it.
Your heart fluttered.
Your stomach twistedâbut not in the way it did when you were nervous or sad. This was... different. Lighter. Warmer.
What is this? you thought. This weird, floaty feeling in your chest. This little ache every time you looked at him.
Sunghoon glanced up, catching your gaze.
You quickly looked down at your plate.
He didnât say anything for a momentâjust reached for his cup, took a sip, then set it down with a quiet clink.
âGo take a shower and get dressed,â he said casually.
You blinked. âHuh?â
He leaned back in his chair. âYou heard me.â
âBut itâs Saturday. I donât have anyââ
âIâm taking you out.â
You stared at him. âOut? Like⌠out out?â
âLetâs go,â he said again, nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. Like he hadnât just casually turned your whole world upside down with three words.
You opened your mouth, then closed it. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks.
âOh,â you said. Quiet. Surprised.
Sunghoon stood and collected your plate like it was the most normal thing in the world. âIâm not giving you the plan. Just go shower.â
And then he walked off toward the sink, sleeves rolled, calm as ever.
You sat there for another ten seconds, frozen, heart racing.
What is this feeling?
And why did you suddenly never want it to stop?
You stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the hem of your yellow chiffon babydoll dress for the third time. It swayed lightly around your thighs, soft and airy, the color bright against your skin. Youâd tied your hair into two loose pigtails, hoping it came off cute and not childishâjust⌠soft. Sweet. Something that might look good next to him.
Sunghoon, with his wardrobe of tailored coats and muted sweaters. All clean lines and high-end simplicity. He never had to try, and he always looked perfect.
You hopedâjust a littleâthat standing beside him, you wouldnât look too out of place.
You took one last look in the mirror, then stepped out of your room.
He was sitting on your couch, one leg crossed over the other, scrolling casually through his phone like he hadnât just changed your entire Saturday morning. He looked up when he heard your footsteps.
His eyes flicked up to meet yours.
Then back down to his phone.
No double-take. No compliment. Not even a blink.
âLetâs go,â he said, standing up with a stretch.
You stared at him, jaw tight. âStupid idiot,â you muttered under your breath.
âWhat was that?â he asked, turning toward you, brows raised.
You plastered on a fake smile so quickly it nearly hurt. âNothing.â
He watched you for a beat, unreadable as always, then looked away.
âYou look pretty,â he said softlyâso quiet it was almost drowned out by the rustle of his coat sleeve as he reached for his keys.
You blinked.
But before you could respond, he was already walking toward the door, acting like he hadnât said anything at all.
Typical Sunghoon.
Your heart fluttered anyway.
â
âAre we there yet?â you sighed for what had to be the fifteenth time.
Sunghoon didnât look at youâjust kept walking ahead with that maddeningly steady pace. âAlmost,â he said.
âYou said that two hours ago.â
âMm.â
Just a hum. No explanation. No sympathy.
You followed anyway, flats sinking further into the mud with every step. Youâd taken two buses, a ten-minute train ride, and now you were walking deep into a part of the park you didnât recognize at all. Far from your neighborhood. Far from everything.
You glanced down at your shoes, now spotted with dirt and regret. This dress, the hair, the whole effortâyou were starting to think it had all been a mistake.
Then Sunghoonâs pace suddenly picked up. His eyes lit up, focused on something just beyond the next turn.
âThere,â he said softly.
And before you could ask what he meant, he reached for your handâsudden, unthinkingâand pulled you with him.
Your breath caught in your throat.
His hand was warm, firm around yours, fingers interlaced like it had always been that way.
You didnât say a word. Just followed.
He led you past a line of trees, through tall grass, and down a narrow slope. Then finallyâyou saw it.
A small, glimmering pond hidden in a clearing. The water was still, mirror-like, catching the soft gold of the late afternoon sun. Willow trees bent low over the banks, their branches swaying gently in the breeze. Wildflowers bloomed in quiet clusters along the edgeâlilac, yellow, soft blueâand dragonflies skimmed the waterâs surface, their wings catching the light like tiny stained-glass windows. It was quiet. Peaceful. Untouched.
Like something out of a fairytale.
You stared, mouth slightly parted. âHowâd you evenâhowâd you find this place?â
Sunghoon didnât answer right away. He just stood beside you, still holding your hand loosely.
âWhen I was younger,â he said after a moment, voice softer than usual, âmy family came here for a vacation. My sister and I snuck out one morning and found this by accident.â
You glanced over at him. He wasnât looking at youâjust at the water, like it still held something sacred.
âI used to take her here when she cried,â he continued, âwhenever she got scolded by our mum. I donât know... it always calmed her down.â
You smiled, quietly listening.
âWhyâd you bring me here?â you asked, your voice barely above a whisper.
He laughed under his breath, the sound light, almost shy.
âItâs silly,â he said, eyes still on the pond. âBut last night, when you were cryingâŚâ
You looked at him thenâreally looked at him.
His expression was unreadable, caught between memory and now. He glanced at you finally, voice quieter.
âYou reminded me of my childhood. Of her. You looked so⌠innocent.â He gave a faint, crooked smile. âAnd maybe I thought this place would cheer you up.â
Your chest ached in the most unexpected way.
Not from sadness. Not even from joy.
Just from the quiet knowing that someone had thought of you that deeply.
You looked down again at your joined hands.
Still holding. Still warm.
The two of you made your way closer to the water, weaving past the low-hanging branches until you found a flat patch of grass near the edge. You sat down carefully, smoothing the fabric of your dress beneath you, your feet dangling just above the still surface of the pond.
Sunghoon dropped beside you, resting his arms lazily on his knees, legs slightly apart, sneakers almost brushing the water. The breeze was cooler here, brushing your cheeks with the scent of wildflowers and grass. The only sounds were the rustle of leaves, the distant hum of cicadas, and the quiet ripples of the pond.
He didnât speak.
Of course he didnât.
Youâd grown used to his silences. They werenât cold, or distantânot really. They were just⌠Sunghoon. Thoughtful. Still. The kind of quiet that made you want to fill the space, not because it was empty, but because he made you feel safe enough to.
So you talked.
About everything. About nothing.
You told him about the weird dreams youâd been having lately, about the girl in your class who kept trying to copy your notes, about how you once tried to bake cookies for your primary school crush and forgot the sugar. You pointed out shapes in the clouds. Gave names to the dragonflies. Talked about the playlist you made for a fictional road trip you hadnât taken yet.
And Sunghoon?
He just listened.
Not distracted. Not fake-listening like some people did, nodding along while their mind was elsewhere.
He listened with his whole body. Slight tilts of his head. The way heâd glance at you when he thought you werenât looking. The quiet little hums when something made him laugh. The barely-there smile when you said something completely ridiculous.
You kicked your feet gently above the water.
âSorry,â you said at some point, half-laughing. âI talk too much when youâre quiet.â
He shook his head slowly, still looking out over the pond. âI like it.â
You blinked. âYou do?â
âYou talk like youâre alive,â he said softly.
You turned to look at him.
His expression was unreadable, gaze fixed somewhere across the water. But his voiceâhis voice sounded like truth.
Your heart beat a little faster. You looked down at your hands in your lap, trying to will the blush away.
The two of you had been sitting there for a while now, feet dangling over the edge of the pond, sunlight dancing on the surface of the water. Youâd done most of the talkingânaturallyâand Sunghoon had just sat beside you, quietly listening like always, eyes half-lidded from the warmth, arms resting lazily over his knees.
You were halfway through a very dramatic retelling of the vending machine incident from earlier in the week when something soft landed on your head.
You paused, blinking. âDid something justâŚ?â
Before you could reach up to check, Sunghoon leaned in.
His hand came up slowly, fingertips brushing through your hair with careful precision. You stilled completely. He was closeâcloser than usualâand the moment stretched, your voice caught somewhere in your throat.
His face hovered just inches from yours, eyes focused as he plucked a single pink petal from your hair. The breeze tugged at your dress, your heart did a weird little somersault, and your brain short-circuited trying to process the proximity.
You barely dared to breathe. His breath brushed your cheek, warm and soft. He didnât move away.
And somehow, your mind made the leap.
Oh my god. Heâs going to kiss me.
Your heart leapt. You shut your eyes without thinking, every nerve in your body suddenly very, very aware of the shape of his mouth and the way your knees were touching.
But instead of a kiss, you gotâ
A throat clear.
You opened your eyes to find Sunghoon leaning back like nothing happened, examining the flower petal with the clinical interest of someone assessing a grocery receipt. Like he hadnât just completely hijacked your central nervous system.
You blinked at him, heat flooding your face.
He glanced up, clearly fighting back a smirk. âDid you justââ
âNo.â Your answer was immediate. Loud. Defensive.
âI didnât even finish my sentenââ
âShut up.â You whirled on him, hands flying dramatically as the full force of your embarrassment took over. âYou scooted so close to me, and you leaned in and, and IâI didnât know what to expect, okay?!â
Sunghoonâs eyes sparkled, lips twitching. âI was taking a petal out of your hair.â
âYou took your sweet time, thatâs what you did,â you huffed, arms flailing now. âGod, you and yourâcoldâcold boy exterior. I canât read your face! You could be about to kiss me or about to tell me my card got declined, and I wouldnât know the difference.â
He let out a soft laugh, the kind that made your chest ache a little. âYouâre being dramatic.â
âExcuse me for assuming I was about to have a romantic moment by a magical pond with a boy whoââ
He reached forward suddenly, both hands cupping your cheeks, and you froze mid-rant.
The world slowed.
His palms were warm. Gentle. Holding your face like you were made of something delicate. You couldnât speak. Could barely breathe.
Then his voice came, low and steady.
âDo you want me to?â
Your words died in your throat. Your heart thundered somewhere behind your ribs.
You stared at him, wide-eyed, unsure what to say.
He didnât press. Just looked at you with that infuriating, calm expressionâthe kind that made it impossible to tell if he was teasing you or being completely serious.
And somehow, that only made you fall harder.
You opened your mouth, then closed it again.
âIââ you tried.
Sunghoon waited.
You panicked. âYou took way too long with the petal.â
He laughed. This time, fully. And God, if your heart hadnât already betrayed you, that laugh would've done it.
âOkay,â he said eventually, letting go of your cheeks like he hadnât just gently cradled your entire soul.
You immediately buried your face in your hands.
You hated him. You adored him. You had no idea what this was.
But you kind of never wanted it to end.
â
The walk back was quiet.
Not the comfortable kind that usually settled between you and Sunghoon. This one was thick. Tense. A silence so loud it felt like it echoed.
You hadnât spoken a word since leaving the pond.
Heâd glanced at you a few times as you walked side by side, but you kept your gaze stubbornly forward, arms crossed, cheeks still warm from earlier. You couldnât stop replaying the moment in your headâhis hands on your face, that question, your silence, the way your heart had practically stopped beating altogether.
And now, here you were. Standing outside your apartment. Streetlights glowing gold above you. Crickets chirping. The air cool and still.
He hadnât said anything either.
Not until now.
Sunghoon cleared his throat softly. âYouâve been quiet since the park.â
You let out a small, unbothered-sounding tch, keeping your eyes fixed on the sidewalk.
What a stupid question. He knew why.
You were embarrassed. Flustered. Emotionally compromised and desperately trying to hold it together. And he just stood there, calm and collected, as if he hadnât casually almost kissed you and then walked away like it was nothing.
You turned toward him, fire rising again. âYouâ!â
You raised your hands, ready to start waving them mid-rant like you always did. But before a single word left your mouth, Sunghoon stepped forward and grabbed both your wrists gently, stopping them midair.
You blinked.
âWhat are youâ?â
And then he leaned in.
Soft. Quick. Certain.
He pressed a kiss to your lipsâjust a brief, featherlight touch that made your breath catch and your thoughts scatter in all directions.
It was simple. Barely a second long. But it knocked the wind out of you.
âThere,â he said, voice low and calm, as he pulled back.
You stared at him, completely frozen. Mouth slightly parted. Eyes wide.
âY-Youââ you stammered, hands still in his.
Sunghoon didnât flinch. âYou were being loud in your head. I could hear it.â
âIâThatâs notâYou donât justâ!â
He raised an eyebrow, completely unfazed. âFeel better now?â
Your heart was a mess. Your brain was fuzz. But still⌠you nodded.
He let go of your hands slowly, his touch lingering just a second longer than necessary.
âGoodnight,â he said, and turned to walk away.
You stood there, stunned, watching him go. And somewhere between your heart trying to reboot and your hand brushing against your lipsâŚ
â-
The library was quiet, save for the occasional turning of pages and the distant hum of the printer.
You were trying to focus. Really, you were. But it was hard.
Not because of your thesisâwhich was enough of a monster on its ownâbut because of him. Sitting right next to you.
Sunghoon.
The boy who kissed you once. Who sent you home after and said nothing. The boy who still picked you up for class, still shared his earbuds, still split convenience store snacks with you like nothing had changed. And maybe it hadnât. Not really.
You werenât kissing everyday. You werenât dating. There were no labels. Just⌠this strange, sweet in-between. And it was driving you insane.
Youâd been hanging out every day, and yet neither of you had brought up the kiss. Not the one by the pond. Not the one on your doorstep.
You were somewhere between friends and more, and he seemed perfectly content to sit in that quiet spaceâwhile you were losing your mind wondering what it meant.
You were currently scanning the shelves, tryingâand failingâto find a book for your thesis. You swore it was here. The catalogue said it was. But after combing through the aisle three times, you were ready to throw yourself into the return bin.
âUgh,â you muttered, turning to scan the shelf one more time.
And then, like some book-finding angel, Sunghoon stepped beside you. He reached forward casually, plucked the exact book from the shelf above your head, and handed it to you without a word.
Your jaw dropped. âAre you kidding me?â
You snatched it from his hand, dramatic as ever, and turned to him with wild eyes.
âIâve been here for twenty minutes! And youâ!â
Your hands flew up instinctively, ready to gesticulate in full rant mode whenâ
He caught them.
Both of them.
Warm fingers wrapping around your wrists, stopping you mid-rant with that infuriatingly calm expression on his face.
And then he leaned in.
And kissed you.
Just like that.
Soft. Steady. No hesitation.
Your breath caught completely. Your brain shut off. The library, the thesis, the confusionâall of it disappeared under the pressure of his lips against yours.
It was over in seconds.
He pulled back like nothing happened, still holding your hands.
âLoud,â he said, voice low and amused.
And thenâhe let go and walked away.
You stood frozen in the aisle, mouth still parted in disbelief, the book clutched to your chest like it had personally witnessed a crime.
Your heart was pounding. Your face was burning. You were sure your soul had just left your body.
And once again⌠He didnât look back.
Typical Sunghoon.
You were unwell.
Absolutely, fully, catastrophically unwell.
Because Sunghoon kissed you again.
In a library.
After handing you a book like it was the most normal thing in the world.
And when you raised your handsâto explain, to demand answers, to yell in three different emotional languagesâhe just⌠kissed you. Again. Calmly. Casually. And walked away like it hadnât just restructured your entire brain.
You tried not to think about it. You really did.
But the moment you sat back down at the table, book open in front of you, and he slid a highlighter across the desk toward you like he hadnât just emotionally detonated youâ
You exploded.
âOkay,â you said, too loudly for a library. âWhat are we?â
He looked up from his notes, blinking once.
You leaned forward. âBecause you kissed me. Twice. And you keep holding my face like Iâm a traumatized woodland creature and then walking away before I can process anything.â
He tilted his head, resting his chin on his palm. âSo you have been thinking about it.â
You sputtered. âOf course Iâve been thinking about it!â
Sunghoon nodded slowly, flipping to the next page of his notes.
You blinked at him. âAre you ignoring me?â
âIâm studying.â
âIâm spiraling.â
âNoted.â
Your hands flailed.
And just as you raised them again, fully prepared to unleash wave two of your emotional breakdownâ
He stood up from his seat, leaned across the table, and kissed you. Right there. Again.
Quick. Soft. On the corner of your mouth this time.
You froze.
âIââ you squeaked.
âYou were getting loud again,â he said, sitting back down like he hadnât just completely ended your speech mid-sentence.
You gawked at him, face on fire. âYou canât just kiss me every time I get dramatic.â
âThatâs what you think.â
You opened your mouth. He raised an eyebrow.
You closed it again.
He handed you your highlighter. âLet me know when youâre done with denial.â
You stared at him, heart pounding so hard you could hear it echoing in your skull. He was calm. Unbothered. Absolutely smug.
You hated him.
You wanted to kiss him again.
You highlighted the same sentence seven times just to avoid looking at his stupid perfect face.
â
You were walking home from the library with Sunghoon again. Just like always. Quiet sidewalk, golden streetlights, late-night hum of the city in the background.
Except nothing about it felt normal anymore.
Not after the kisses.
Not after the looks he kept giving you when he thought you werenât paying attention. Not after your brain had chewed itself into pieces trying to decode what you were to him.
And tonightâyou were done pretending you were fine with it.
âI just think,â you said for what felt like the fifth time, voice rising as your steps quickened, âthat if youâre gonna keep kissing me, then maybeâand this is wildâI deserve to know what it means!â
Sunghoon didnât answer. He kept walking beside you, hands in his pockets, face unreadable. Infuriatingly calm.
âAnd if it doesnât mean anything, thatâs fine,â you added, already lying to yourself. âBut then stop doing it! You canât just weaponize your mouth to shut me up like some human mute buttonââ
He stopped walking.
You blinked, still mid-rant, too fired up to notice that heâd turned until his fingers wrapped around your wrist and tugged you backâswiftly, gently, deliberatelyâuntil your back hit the cold brick wall of the nearest building.
The shock of it knocked the words straight out of your mouth.
âWhaââ
And then he kissed you.
Hard.
No hesitation. No teasing.
His lips found yours in one clean, fluid motion, like heâd been waiting, burning, counting every second leading up to this moment. His hand pressed firmly against the wall beside your head, his body angled toward yoursânot pushing, just close. Too close. Close enough that you felt the heat radiating off of him, the weight of everything he hadnât said.
You didnât even get the chance to breathe before his other hand slipped to your jaw, tilting your face up slightlyâand then his mouth opened against yours, and his tongue slid in. Slow. Confident. Sure.
You gasped softly into him, your fingers gripping the front of his sweater like it was the only thing keeping you from collapsing. And Godâhe tasted like mint and quiet danger, like late nights and secrets he hadnât told you yet.
He kissed you like he was trying to memorize your mouth.
Like he wanted you breathless and boneless and ruined in the best way.
And you let him.
You kissed him back like it had been building inside you too, like youâd been waiting for him to break firstâwaiting for this exact kind of dizzying, spine-melting surrender.
By the time he pulled back, you werenât sure where you were anymore.
Your chest heaved. Your lips tingled. Your back was still pressed to the wall, legs weak, thoughts tangled.
Sunghoon didnât move farâjust enough to speak, his thumb still brushing softly along your cheek.
âYouâre loud,â he murmured, his voice rougher than usual. âBut not when youâre kissing me back.â
You couldnât speak. You couldnât even glare. Your eyes were still wide and unfocused. Your body felt like it had been struck by lightning wrapped in velvet.
And him?
He just took your hand again like nothing happened.
âLetâs go,â he said, like he hadnât just absolutely wrecked you against a wall.
You followed.
Stunned. Silent.
And for the first time in your lifeâ You understood exactly why he did that.
Because nothing had ever shut you up like that before.
â
The next morning, Sunghoon was already waiting outside your apartment by the time you stepped out, bleary-eyed and still emotionally unstable from the night before. He stood there with his usual sleepy calmness, one hand in his pocket, the other holding your usual coffee order.
Of course he knew you hadnât slept.
He hadnât either.
Because while you were lying awake replaying that kiss over and over again, so was he. Heâd tried to read, tried to distract himselfâbut every time he closed his eyes, all he could feel was you against the wall. Your fingers in his sweater. The way your lips opened under his, soft and wanting. The sound you made when he bit down gently on your lip before pulling away.
He was in trouble.
You walked toward him slowly, eyes puffy, your hoodie a little crooked from sleep. You didnât say anythingâjust snatched the coffee from his hand and took three aggressive gulps like it personally wronged you.
âHmph,â you huffed, before storming three steps ahead of him like an angry little duck.
Sunghoon blinked.
Then he laughed.
God, he was so gone for you.
âWhy are you mad?â he asked, catching up easily.
You didnât look at him. âBecauseâbecause you wonât tell me what we are. You keep kissing me every time I get dramatic, and you donât say anything after, and you wonât tell me if you even like me, andââ
âDonât you like it when I kiss you, though?â he asked casually, like he wasnât setting your entire nervous system on fire.
You stumbled. âIâ! Iââ
He looked far too smug. You hated how good he was at this.
âYou canât just say smug shit like that and make me not want to choke youââ
You didnât finish. Because just like last time, he moved without warning.
In one sharp, fluid motion, he backed you into the nearest tree, the rough bark grazing your spine as your back hit it with a quiet thud. His hand slid around to the small of your back, pressing you against him, while the other gripped your waist and dragged slowly down to your hip, fingers curving around it possessively.
His mouth was on yours before you could speak. No hesitation this time.
His lips crashed into yoursâhot, hungry, open. He tilted his head, deepening it fast, his hand tightening at your waist as he pulled you harder against him. Your gasp disappeared into his mouth.
His tongue slipped past your lips, slow and deliberate. He kissed like he knew exactly what he was doingâlike he knew how to pull sound from your throat without a word. His body pinned yours to the tree, firm and steady, his hips brushing into yours just enough to make you lose your balance and grab his sweater for support.
He groaned lowly when you kissed him back, your fingers bunching at his chest, his thumb digging into your side as his mouth moved harder, needier, lips parting, tongue sliding deeper.
And thenâhe bit down on your bottom lip, just enough pressure to make your breath catch.
âYou didnât stop me,â he murmured, breath warm against your skin.
Your mouth opened. âBecauseââ
âBecause you like it,â he said again, low and certain.
You glared at him. âAnd what if I do?! At least Iâm being honest with my feelings.â
Sunghoon raised a brow. âAre you?â
âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âBecause you havenât really told me anything about your feelings,â he said simply.
You threw your hands up. âIs it not clear?!â
You folded your arms, frustration bubbling up.
âIs it not clear that I clearly like you?!â
And just like thatâhe was silent.
Sunghoon had always been calm, collected, a little unreadableâbut something in his expression faltered then. His cool cracked just a little, the tiniest stutter of surprise flickering across his face.
His heart was doing things he would never admit out loud.
Because no matter how smooth he could be, no matter how many times he kissed you like he knew exactly what he was doingâyou were the only one who could completely unravel him.
He looked at you, smiling softly.
âLook under your cup.â
You frowned. âWhat?â
âThe cup,â he said. âTurn it over.â
You squinted at him suspiciously, lifting the cup over your head like it owed you answers. And thereâscrawled in slightly smudged black marker under the baseâwas one word, just barely legible in his messy handwriting:
GIRLFRIEND?
Your breath hitched.
Your arms dropped.
You stared at it, then at him.
He stood there with his usual hands-in-pockets posture, pretending to be all calm and collectedâbut you saw it. The way his ears were just a little too red. The faint twitch of his mouth like he was holding his breath.
You blinked. âYou wrote it⌠on the bottom of a coffee cup?â
âI thought it was romantic,â he said, completely deadpan.
You raised a brow. âYou know people usually use, like, their mouths to say these things, right?â
âI figured this way, youâd actually read it instead of yelling over it.â
You paused.
Touche.
âYou truly are a man of few words.â
He shrugged. âYou use enough for both of us.â
You rolled your eyesâbut your grin gave you away.
And then, quietly, you held the cup closer to your chest.
ââŚYes,â you muttered.
His lips twitched. âYouâre supposed to say it louder.â
You glared. âDonât push your luck, loverboy.â
He smiled, wide this time. âToo late.â
Before you could react, his hands wrapped around your waistâconfident, steadyâand he pulled you in all at once. You let out a small yelp, half laugh, arms instinctively catching onto his shoulders as he swept you closer like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And then he kissed you.
His lips pressed into yours like he already knew youâd say yes, like your quiet little âyesâ had unlocked something in him. There was no teasing this time, no smirk hiding behind itâjust him, kissing you like he meant it.
His grip tightened around your waist, grounding you against him, your body flush to his as his other hand came up to cradle the side of your neck, his thumb brushing just below your ear. You melted into him without a thought, your fingers curling around the back of his sweater, trying to pull him even closer.
You could feel his heartbeat, fast but steady, pressed right against yours.
When he finally pulled back, just barely, his lips hovered over yoursâstill close enough to steal another breath.
âIâve been waiting to do that properly,â he whispered, voice low and warm.
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