#i need to stop so i dont get fed up with the song before i get to the scenes i am writing related to it

[sasukimimochi]

now that i've hit the place where i just go "i don't wanna look at this rn" when trying to edit GOM i am going to try to continue writing gom again for the latest chapter LMAO

oh, btw not all of my fixes to these chapters are live yet i am planning on replacing the texts later and i'm just correcting them on the main document i have atm. i still need to go back and read the first chapters anyway (cuz i read from like ch 6 or something not from 1 like the adhd lad i am) so i have a lot of stuff left to correct still.

the main problem i keep getting is actually formatting! i had stuff formatted with italics a while back and something kept happening to my original file and so a lot of the inquiry stuff kept reverting to normal text- making it look like someone who wasn't wwx was talking or the lan zhan stuff that was italicized wasn't for inquiry which is ugh, i just don't get why it was happening.

i recently fixed this by pasting the entire fic into a new doc and fixing those errors but there are still some in the ao3 chapters which i forgot to fix (until today, bc i read on ao3 instead of my document so i could see which errors had to be fixed or were already fixed).

i have so much of the final empathy sessions stuck in my head, it is a good idea to write GOM's update to get to it quicker before it eats me alivE cuz i am just so ready, it's basically the first climax of GOM. [first climax you say? the whole purpose of a story is to build up to one climax... well i don't know, it's got more impact than the climax of the ghost section of the fic for me but it's nowhere near the end of the fic, so i honestly consider it a big part of the fic and i dunno how else to call it...]

but anyway YEAH I'M EXCITED. i wanna work on it so bad lmao

[ifwdominicfike]

you try to get guitarist!matt to listen to one taylor swift song since he apparently “hates” her music

── .✦. ──

“matt im telling you, one song wouldn’t hurt you. or are you just too scared you’ll like it?” you felt the chillest breeze outside and decided to play folklore on repeat because who wouldn’t? anyway, matt was fed up with hearing about “some girl complaining about her failed relationships” but you couldn’t care less.

“sweetheart, it’s literally just the same song but about a different guy. she’s too overplayed i don’t get how you like that shit” he scoffs, making his way around the couch. “everyone says that though, you’ve only heard her pop songs that why — her other songs are masterpieces. all of her lyrics are basically me.” you sarcastically say — but not really.

as he sits down on the cushion you scoot your way over to him, laying your head on his shoulder. “pleaseee just one song? i promise you’ll like it, well hopefully i dont know.” you ask with a smile, he lets out a sigh and finally agrees. “yeah sure come on, show me this song then sweetheart.”

you now have the biggest smile on your face and get up from your comfortable position, and turn to make your way to your shared room to grab headphones “wait here” you excitedly say, as if he would vanish the second you were gone.

when you came back with the black bulky headphones he was already looking your way, smiling at your excited state. “this better be good if you’re this happy about this, if i don’t like the song and its some girly girl pop shit, m’clowning your ass for it.” he jokes when putting on the headphones and adjusting them, you were a little nervous — it was obviously something he would never in a million years listen to on his own but he always shows you his music so whats the worst that can happen ?

you figured why not something from your favorite album of hers, folklore. you were going through the tracklist trying to figure out which song until you were pulled out of your thoughts by matt groaning. “come on sweetheart, m’falling asleep over here” he fakes yawns and rubs at his eyes. “shush i have the song ready, now listen its my favorite!”

you click on the song and look up at him to watch his reaction, you obviously can’t hear the music but you already know how it goes “i’ve been having a hard time adjusting, i had the shiniest wheels now they’re rusting.”

as the song continues to play you can see matt swaying a little, you smile when you notice the amusement on his face. the bridge of the song starts up and he stops all movement, listening carefully as the lyrics spew into his ears. he looks over at you in disbelief, jaw dropped as the song now fades out and he’s slipping off the headphones.

“sweetheart thats you’re favorite song?” he says sniffling “well y-yeah? why is it bad?” you ask confused “no, not at all- s’just really fucking sad” he said chuckles before pulling you into a hug “if y’think thats sad then i need to show you more”

“her music s’not that bad i guess..” he says sarcastically “matt please- you were damn near crying i don’t wanna hear it.”

- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡-

i love folklore. i AM folklore. anywayyy new blurb!!! im so happyyyy i finally finished ONE of my drafts 😭😭

wait omg i forgot to tag you @bluestriips ik you like guitarist!matt !!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @ellaapsworld @chrissv4mp @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @submattenthusiast @flouvela @sturniolosiphone @chrislova @sophand4n4 @mattsfavoritestar @mattslolita @y3sterdaysproblem @strnilolover @cayleeuhithinknott

[cemetery-sunset]

Cullen Family Helping You Through a Depressive Episode [headcanons]

divider from: @saradika-graphics

🧣Carlisle

- The most logical one to be honest

- Being a doctor, he knows how important it is to keep you healthy

- He keeps you fed/watered/nourished, makes you whatever food you want and brings it to you in bed

- Carlisle always makes sure that you have a cool glass of water on your bedside table

- He also helps you stay clean; he will offer to hop in the tub or shower and bathe with you, or if you asked him to he would just wait in the bedroom getting some pajamas for you

- He’ll brush your hair for you, but he’s not a very good stylist so dont expect anything more than a simple braid (and even that would look a little wonky lol)

- Offers to lay with you, if you accept he will hold you so gently and lovingly

- Continuously praising you and telling you how strong you are and how good you have been doing

- Sometimes he will read to you while you cuddle, any book you want 

- He's always there for you, he never hesitates to help you whenever you need

- Sometimes he knows when you start spiraling before you do

- He knows just the right things to do and say to help you calm down

- He’s surprisingly scared that you’re going to do something stupid if things get too bad. He hides his fear well, he doesn't want you to worry about him on top of everything else

- Always tries his best to help you and stay by your side for as long as you need

🐴Jasper

- He can feel that you’re feeling down, without you even telling him

- Never try to hide it from him, cause thats never going to work. He always knows what you’re feeling, and he is always on red alert whenever he feels literally any negative emotion from you

- Jasper is a quiet person, so he isn’t very forward or aggressive about his approach, his is more subtle but still very much effective

- He doesn’t really say a lot, it’s his actions that speak volumes.

- His love language is quality time and touch, so he is always by your side

- He is definitely the type to ask if he can touch you when you start to spiral. If you’re panicking, he asks to give you a hug; if you dont feel comfortable with that, he’ll just hold your hands

- Jasper has never been more grateful for his powers than those times when you feel so down and self hating

- It hurts him so much to feel all that pain and suffering you feel for yourself, and/or in general

- He enjoys quietly cuddling together, which always seems to improve your mood

- If things are really bad, he will hum some old country songs from his childhood, but thats very rare

- The biggest thing he does is to use his powers to help you, but he doesn’t do it to much because he doesn’t want to control your emotions, he just wants to help you know what i mean?

⚾Emmett

- My favorite himbo <3

- His biggest thing is to distract you and get your mind off of whatever is hurting you

- He will be the one to offer cuddles before you even ask, he hugs you so tight and starts talking about everything and nothing

- Emmett would be the first to help get you out of bed

- He would make a huge effort to keep you fed, he just wants to keep you healthy

- If you’re feeling up for it, he likes to take you on hikes in the woods. It’s a simple thing but it helps you focus on something else

- If you don’t want to get out of bed, he is perfectly fine just cuddling and watching something on tv

- He will whisper sweet things into your ear

- Telling you how much he loves you

- He focuses a little less on the actual situation and more on hyping you up in general

- Like he will compliment your personality and appearance. He will go over everything he loves about you and every single part of your body and tells you why he loves all of it

- He loves to cover you in kisses and doesn’t stop showering you in praises until he knows for a fact that you’re feeling better

🎹Edward

- Would either be the sweetest, most comforting man ever or a distant, super cold one

- There’s no in between, sorry about it :/

- Sometimes he would be almost suffocating with how worried and close he would be

- He wouldn’t leave your side for a second, always doing anything you need

- But sometimes it would start to make him start to spiral

- Like he would start to worry that he’s not good enough to take care of you and you dont deserve him

- After he sees how stupid that thought is, he sees how much you need him in this hard time so he steps up to the plate and starts doing much better

- He doesn’t know how to cook, but he’ll buy you any food you want

- He will gladly cuddle and praise you whenever you need

- Sometimes he will even play you some piano, to help you drift off to sleep

- He would surprise you with a song he wrote for you

- Even if he doesn’t want to force you to do anything he would persuade you to get out of bed

- Both of you sit at the piano and she will teach you a thing or two

- But usually he likes to take you on walks in the woods, his favorite thing to do is just lay in the field with you and feel the cool breeze and your warm hand in his

- It brings him peace. Being there with you and knowing that he’s helping you feel better

👑Rosalie

- She is similar to Jasper with the more subtle approach

- Rosalie understands what it’s like to have those really bad days because she’s had them

- She will help you stay clean and eat something

- Rosalie would take baths with you and brush your hair, doing it up in a beautiful style

- Usually people see her as the cold, stubborn type of girl, but she’s much more than that

- She knows what it’s like to feel that broken

- That’s why she offers her help in any way she can, anything you want, it’s yours

- It’s the little things for her

- Like she’ll make you a simple sandwich or just be cuddling with you

- A bunch of those little things just keep adding up and she doesn’t stop there

- She would bring you gifts to try to raise your spirits

- She’s a little awkward in her approach to showing you this much affection, thats why she does a bunch of little things rather than huge declarations of her love

- It’s more of an unspoken understanding about how much she loves you. But when times like these hit, she realizes that you need her reassurance and love more than ever

- She puts in a huge amount of effort into those small gifts and actions, just to make sure you know she loves you and will always be there when you need

🌖Alice

- I know that all of the Cullens know what it’s like to feel broken and hurt, its just that some know the feeling more than others

- Alice definitely knows that feeling

- Sometimes she sees that you’re going to have an episode before it even starts

- So she starts gathering all the supplies: your favorite snacks, blankets and anything else you need

- She is super worried for you but she hides it with her positivity

- She will give you makeovers and take care of you, without you even asking

- The makeovers are her favorite because not only is it a way to get your mind focused on other things but it’s an easy way to help keep up your hygiene with the showering and the self care she helps you with

- Sometimes, if things are looking really bad she will get really worried that something bad was going to happen

- Then she sees a vision of everything being okay in the future

- She very much enjoys wrapping you in tight hugs and whispering nice things to you

- Everything from “You’re so beautiful inside and out, i love you so much” to “everything is going to be okay, we’re going to get through this together. I’ve seen it”

��Esme

- Dare i say: she would take a much more maternal and protective approach

-  I dont want to say she forces you to eat and drink but she definitely makes you stay nourished

- She is more than willing to make you anything you want, she just wants to help in any way she can to make you feel better

- She will help you bathe and cuddle all day if you need

- Cuddling is her specialty, she makes it even better because she likes to sing quietly

- She likes to hum and sing you cute little songs until you drift back to sleep

- As much as she doesn’t want to force you to do anything, she does make you take regular walks and get outside every day

- The movement and fresh air are very important

- She will make a picnic basket and take it on a small hike, just the two of you

- Esme would gladly make your favorite food (or try to) and have a cute little picnic to take your mind off of things :)

[hotbowlofstew]

🎵OC Song Tag

Thank you my lovely sister @awritingcaitlin for the tag!

Rules: share a song to describe your character and a song they’d love

I'm doing this with my ffxiv OCs first (minus a few, since they dont have many songs in mind for them) and foremost. At the very least, until I get more figured out for some of my other stories lol.

I do not have anyone in mind to tag! So if you see this and you feel inclined to do it, feel free! Say you were tagged by me if you want!

~

«Alidae»

describes her - Hero by Blossom

Put your faith in me, but I want to be honest I'm losing my patience And I'm losing myself Someone rescue me, I need help, 'cause… Maybe, I'm not fit to be a hero But I'll try But I'll try

she'd like - It's Too Late to Beg For Mercy by Starship Amazing

this song is completely instrumental. it's dance/electronic i purely think she wouldn't really like to listen to a lot of songs with lyrics, since they would distract her too much from her work.

«T'lyr»

describes him - Gladiator by Jann

Is it everything and more than you were hoping for? Now show us something we ain't never seen before Smash your competition, baby Show us some good entertainment Victory's your only payment Gladiator, gladiator

he'd like - Caleb Trask by The Crane Wives

So you got bad in your blood Brother, you're one of us So you got bad in your blood How long you gonna wait for those azaleas to bud?

«Raana»

describes her - Rule #9 Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage

You are a child of the stars Shout what has been unsung Open all the doors around you Use the powеr in your lungs I could only lead you so far I believе in who you are

she'd like - Maria by AlicebanD

I somehow know a song's a song And singing never fed the world But singing never felt so good Oh, my Maria Oh, my Maria I don't really wanna go, go, go Go, go, go

«Koren»

describes him - Tip Toes by half alive

I'm on my tip toes, trying to see past my ego Reaching for something more than This feeling of being important Leaving my heart behind, it's bleeding But still my pride is screaming My future will listen to me

he'd like - I Don't Care by Fall Out Boy

I don't care what you think As long as it's about me The best of us can find happiness in misery

«Sthallona»

describes her - Hell, Well by Broken at Best

This captain goes down Only to bring this ship back up I've pulled that weight before And its never been enough

she'd like - Millie Warm the Kettle by Rabbitology

Catch me walking with the ghosts again Must be on that double dose, depends Roman chamomile all down the throat, lift hands In Michigan, the lakes all darken Blackbirds flocking to and fro, sevens Roots drag marsh/harsh over the floor, levelin’ Millie, can’t you stop them? You slow no omens Like exhaling, it never еnds

«A'vhea»

describes her - Nunemaker's Parable by Everybody's Worried About Owen

He said: One home burned down, one fell apart One met a flood, and one was nothing from the start Weapons build against me, well they all seem to fail But weapons built against my home They always will prevail

she'd like - Dear Arkansas Daughter by Lady Lamb

As my love for you dies As my love for you dies As my love for you is steadily dying As sharp and serious as a pistol in the eye

[nomynameisnothing]

Just remembered what else you left for me that day.

(to be continued)

I wonder what was on the other side.

I see a strange creature drawing.

Oh right and the 3 coconut inspired recipes on the fridge.

I think I just didnt want to believe it was real the next day and my roommate was being so hardcore judgey of me for being paranoid that I convinced myself that I was just overtired and imagining things...

I couldnt figure out what that shit was in the vial... didnt look like weed or mushrooms so i can only assume.

Styxx like hades and persephone

Here's my POV on the last day I saw Stout:

My roommate violently assaulted me for no reason. Trying to search my room for her dishes but I told her I didnt have any and she wouldn't get out of my room. I yelled at her to leave and she cant just come in and go through my stuff and then she punched me, strangled me on the ground, and pulled the shit out of my hair. The whole time I was like wtf...she wouldnt stop attacking me. I've never been in a phsysical altrication before. I had to push her out of my room and lock the door to get away.

I was super shaken and upset so I went outside with Stout to calm down. She then locked all the doors and texted me "not to come around anymore". Ummm i have no shoes on, i've lived here for a year and paid rent for the whole month and all my belongings are inside like huh? Oh sure, no prob I'll just go hang out somewhere else... and never return? Psycho.

So i had to call the police to get back inside because she wouldn't answer. Told them on the phone how she attacked me and locked me out etc.

Then when they showed up they pretry much immediatly without asking questions were like "we're apprehending you under the mental health act and you need to come with us into town us for a psych eval at the hospital".

I was outraged. They said they spoke to my roommate on the phone and she said I attacked her (naturally), and because of my police record of calling the police due to paranoia about my safety (from being hunted all summer) and because my parents had me apprehended earlier that summer because I didnt respond to their texts fast enough (that I never got).... the conclusion was essentially "i'm crazy therefore i am the violent one and i could be a threat to others".

They forced me into the cop car and drove me into town while my roomie chilled at home.

Get to the hospital still without any shoes on because ? and tbh I was in a foul mood, understandably, I think. I had just been assaulted, apprehended by the police that I CALLED to help me get back into my house, framed and treated like a mental patient and forced to abandon my dog outside - they wouldnt even let me round him up and put him inside- they were like "we'll handle it just get in the car"... weird.

Talk to nurse. Too sassy cause pissed. Get fed vicodin. Talk to doctor. Still too sassy and outraged. Get fed more vickdin.

Try to show uninterested cop text messages from the last roommate stating oldtrucklady is a wicked witch and a similar situation w her also was attacked and threatened by her cuz she has rage issues. Cop dont give a f.

Doctor returns and decides he cant determine if its safe to release me so I have to be transported to a neighboring town 3 hours away to be admitted to the psychiatric hospital for evaluation by a psychiatrist.

I was like ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS *straight up lost my mind*

Fed more vicodin. Forced to put on prisoner clothes, not medical dressing, prisoner clothes, and locked inside a jail cell in the hospital with a foamy matr on the floor and a jail toilet.

Basically, I just screamed until I fell asleep. Full blown dystopia experience.

Quite a long, long sleep later, I woke up in the mental hospital surrounded by certifiably ill people. I did not belong there. Paced the hallways for 2 days before I was able to see the psychiatrist.

Psychiatrist hears my story and innediately releases me. They give me a bus ticket and say there's a bus stop out front.

6 hours, 3 transgers on the public bus to get back to my town, then I have to get a cab the rest of the way (30 min drive). The bus didnt come for 4 hours.

I was like fuck this wack horror show and spent $400 on an uber home.

When I got home, my room was tore through, and a bunch of my clothes thrown angrily into a disgusting dirty corner of the basement. Stout was gone, staying with a "friend".

We had been evicted and had 3 days to vacate. Id I just lost 3 days when i had planned to move my shit out. So i was like fine he can stay there for now while im moving so i can focus.

She was in and out moving stuff and then one day was just gone. I texted her, fb messaged, called asking where he is and for the contact info. Ghosted.

My parents texted her asking. She replied that he's with a family and happy and well taken care of, they also have a dog and they love to play.

I kept sending messages begging her, I just wanted to see him. I had nowhere to go, so I moved into the shelter, cant bring him here, so i was like, it's fine. If he stays there, i just want to be able to visit him. Nothing.

Went to her work, she quit.

Went to the cops, havent heard back.

I dont know if I'll ever see him again.

He's my very best friend. I love him more than anything in the world. We had never been apart for more than 2 weeks until this. Raised him from 8 weeks.

Going on 3 months MIA now. I wonder if he misses me too.

[ribbonsaikeaux]

I Only Paint In Red

The song seeps into the angels' ears. She cant deny she loves this song, but it does something strange to her. There's this feeling deep in her core that she just cant shake, but she cant quite figure out what it is. She knows she should stop listening, she knows its doing something strange to her, but its such a good song!

"Just one more time, I'm overreacting." she thinks. The song plays again, but this time her body contorts and convulses. Her head becomes hazy and her vision blurs. She stumbles around her kitchen, unable to steady her legs, she leans back against the wall. A thousand bells ring in her head. She grips it, still stuggling to stay standing.

A wicked grin crosses her face, her halo glowing red. The halo and crazed look are the only signs that something's wrong. She straightens her back and cracks her neck, letting out a deep, contented, sigh.

The red angel walks over to the nearby mirror hanging in the hall. She grins wickedly as she looks into it, her other self terrified.

"Wh-what's happening?! Why can't I get out? Why do you have my face?!" She screams, in panic. "What are you? Why can't I move?!"

The red angel punches the wall next to the mirror, frightening the other. "Shut the fuck up cunt! Stupid fucking angel. You KNOW who the fuck I am! You KNOW exactly what happened! I know youre dense, but god damn."

The other tears up, her lip quivering. "I-i thought I lockes you away..."

The red angel growls "You fucking did! Chained up and left to float in that vacuous chasm you call a fucking brain!"

"I d-dont want you..." the other whispered, barely able to speak.

"Yes you fucking do! I know what you want to do. What you've ALWAYS wanted to do! You fed me these twisted thoughts, and you dare to blame ME?! Fucking selfish bitch!" The red angel screamed before continuing in a mocking tone "I look at me I'm and angel~ I'm so perfect and pure~ I would NEVER think of hurting someone~" her voice once again fills with anger "Fucking bullshit!"

The other sobs, burying her face in her hands. "Wh-what do you want...?" She says defeated.

The red angel smirks "You know EXACTLY what I want~"

The others eyes filled with panic. "N-no! Nonono, please dont!" She wails, banging on the mirror.

In the background, they hear the sound of a door opening and closing. The angels' husband was home.

"Hey angel love, I'm home!" He shouts in a cheery tone.

"Welp, time for the show~ Don't worry, just sit back and enjoy the show~"

"Wait no pl-" the other pleas are cut off as the red one walks away, casually grabbing a knife from the kitchen counter as she walks by, hiding it behind her back. She puts on her best chipper amile and heads out to greet the others husband.

"Welcome home honey~" she says, striding confidently up to him.

" Hi my love." He says as he turns to her, smiling. Face smile quickly fades; his brow knitting in confusion. "What happened to your halo?"

The red one fakes a pout "awww! You dont like my new look sweetie?" She asks, feigning offense before jabbing the knife into his leg.

He screams, grasping at his leg and wincing in pain. Before he can react any further, the red one grabs the lamp on the side table and smashes it on his head, leaving him unconcious.

She smiles, cheerfully humming her song as she grabs him by his legs and drags him into the bedroom. Still humming, she sets about collecting the things she needs, ignoring the sounds of the other begging in the mirror. First, she sets a pot of water on the stove, setting it to boil. Next she geabs a chair from the dining room and dances with it as she carries it down the hall. From the kitchen, she pulled out a pair of scissors and a roll of duct tape. Finally she went out to the garage and came back in with a chordless drill and a circular saw.

Heading back into the bedroom, she once again ignored the others horrified expression as she pulled the still unconcious husband up into the chair and taped his hands and ankles to the chair. She looked up and grinned wickedly at the other, a bloodthirst filling her eyes as she adjusted the full length mirror so the other would have the perfect view of her work.

"The we go cunt~" she cackled "front row seat!"

" I'm begging you! Please dont do this! We love him!" She pleads as she drops to her knees, hands clasped in front of her.

The red one smirks, crouching down to be face to face with her. "Awww! How cute!" She says patronizingly, patting the others head. "But you love him." She chuckles. "Not me. I want him to die." She stand up.

"Please! I'll do anything! Please just leave him alone!" The other begs, leaning her head against the glass.

"Sorry sweetie~ the shows already begun! Besides, I've already got want I want." The red one turns, her face becoming deathly serious as she walks to the kitchen. "You out of my way."

Singing to herself, the red one grabs the pot of boiling water, turning off the stove.

"Gotta be careful now! Don't want the house burning down... yet." She giggles to herself and grins, carrying the pot back to the bedroom.

She looks over her shoulder and smiles sweetly, winking at the other as she pours the acalding hot water onto his lap.

"AAAAHHHHH! FFFFUCKFUCKFUCK!" he wakes up screaming, his pants already fusing with his skin.

"Wakey wakey~!" She says condescendingly.

Still screaming in pain, he looks up, tears, snot, and salvia streaming down his face. "Cl-claire?! The-aaahhhfff!-" he winces in pain, "mmmm fuck! WHAT'S GOT INTO YOU?!"

"Awww! Poor baby~" she says feigning sympathy, squeezing his still boiling leg; making him scream "Claire's not here any more!" She pauses, licking his cheek. "You can call me Helena~" she says before biting down on his ear, and ripping a chunk of.

As he wails, blood flowing from his ear, she spits the piece out and savors the taste of the blood. Licking her lips, she rubs what remains over her face and down her chest.

He looks up at her trembling in agony. "Why are-are-are you doing th-" he pants "this?"

A sadistic grin adorns her lips, her eyes growing crazed. "Why?!" She asked rhetorically as she stadles him, holding the scissors. "Because I fucking want to!"

He lets out another tortured scream, drowning out the others continued protests.

The red ones face becomes a twisted grin as she, with agonizing slowness, cuts off his eyelids, making sure he sees everything she does. The entire time he squirms and writhes under her, his screams of torment raising in pitch.

"There way go!" She exclaims happily, wiggling her ass a little before standing back up. "Wouldn't want you to miss anything."

"Fuck... you..." he responds weakly between ragged breaths.

She pouts "oh honey. Tsk tsk tsk. Is that any way to talk to your wife~?" She says with a grin; picking up the drill.

"Fuck... off..." he barely manages to retort.

"Oh dear, that mouth she is getting you in a lot of trouble" she says, pulling the trigger on the drill, making it whirl menacingly. "We're gonna have to fix that~" she continues with a laugh.

She grabs his hair and yenks his head back, staring maniacly into his lidless eyes. With precision, she quickly drills into both joints of his jaw, creating a fountain of blood which drenches herself, she wall and the ceiling. His mouth hangs open, his screams silent, having screamed himself completely hoarse.

She takes a moment to marvel at the blood spatter, giddily dancing around, rubbing his blood over her body.

"Oh I love this color! Really brings out my eyes, don't ya think?" She asks the other, looking back at the mirror.

"Please... enough..." she responds softly, having sobbed and screamed her throat sore.

The red one grins. "If you insist~" she responds playfully.

Picking up the circular saw, she leans down and gently brushes his cheek.

"She really does love you, ya know." She whispers into his ear. After a soft, loving, kiss to his forehead, she revs the saw.

"Goodbye Antonio." She says, her eyes becoming crazed as she brins the saw to his neck; cutting an uneven jagged line all the way around, leaving his head dangling loosely grom his exposed spine for a moment before the weight of it cause his spine to snap and his head fall into his lap.

The red one cackles maniacly, bathing in the blood fountain that is his neck.

She bites her lip; running the blood through her hair before licking it off of hand hand, sucking on her fingers.

"Did you enjoy the show~?" She condesendingly asked the other.

"I..." she started, voice trembling "fucking... hate. You." She finishes, voice dripping with venom, tired bloodshot eyes full of disdain.

The red one crouches down, putting her bloody hand on the mirror and leaving a crimson imprint. "Oh you stupid, stupid angel girl. Its not me you hate." Shes pauses, leaning in and whispers "its yourself~"

Humming her song, she walks away to wash up, leaving bloody footprints in her wake.

[smallestapplin]

Eyyyy what up its me, ya Melli simp, Avena. Would'st thou like Melli mirror fic part 2? It's poorly written and not smutty, possibly ooc-ish? Melli no good wiv words, poor baby. I honestly dont care if its bad cause I wrote something!! Its been 84 years.. or whatever the quote is, I hate the titanic movie. Tah-dah -♡

You had stayed speaking with Adaman long enough for the day to properly begin, the whole settlement was up and busy by the time you got your head around what you had done. The butterfrees in your stomach were only getting worse the more you thought about it.

You needed to make a plan. You also needed to pick some goddamn berries! With all that was happening you had been too distracted to do your one task. Twice! You should pick double the amount you need because you had to go see Melli again and that meant nervous Magikarp feeding. Honestly, you weren't sure why it helped your anxiety so much but from the day you first found them it had been your go to place to de-stress and think. The only downside was it was dangerously close to the Arena. Dangerously close to Melli and to the conversation you knew you needed to have.

Fuck emotional maturity! Why can't I ignore it all? I could run away to the fieldlands, there's Magikarp there and I'd sure as hell be warmer than the goddamn mountains.

Continuing to complain to no one but yourself, you collected all of the ripe berries you could find. By the time you got to the waterfall and the magikarp your arms were practically aching with the weight of the basket, setting it down on the wall of the bridge you leaned over so the fish pokemon would spot you and come and flock to you.  Plucking an oran berry from the basket, you roll it in your hands for a few seconds, lost in your thoughts, before finally remembering yourself and tossing it to a nearby fish.

You had been there for what must have been hours, you had already fed them the majority of your berries and given them all names. You were currently procrastinating by sitting at the waters edge and petting them, singing to them. Silly little made up songs about their cute whiskers and insatiable desire for berries turning slowly into singing your thoughts and love songs from your home time as you desperately tried to calm down your nerves enough to go and see Melli.

Sighing as you noticed it was just past mid-afternoon, you rose from where you were sat and bid your sweet, underwater friends goodbye, beginning your ascent to the Arena. If you left it any longer, Melli would find you on his way back to camp. The thought of him catching you singing about how you feel about him sounded way more embarassing than just apologising to him, as that's what you had decided to do. Apologise and admit nothing. You had already made things weird by proposing, you didn't need to add a stuttered confession to your list of fuck ups.

Inhaling deeply you came to the entrance of the arena, curiously he wasn't at his usual spot by the banners. Hoping the Lord Electrode was doing okay you crept forward into the arena, you felt nervous being this close to the Lord Pokémon without its warden, feeling almost like you were snooping in a place you shouldn't.

After a few steps you stop in your tracks and you hear Melli mumble rambling in the distance, followed by bored Voltorb sounds indicating this had been going on for a while.

"Oh Arceus, why do they have to be so pretty? And so kind to the dumb fish? I swear there shall not be a single berry left for my poor Pokémon between here and the Mirelands, all because they keep feeding those dumb Magikarp. And they were singing to them Today! Like they're little babies! Ridiculous!"

You settle on creeping closer to witness your crush's raving for yourself, despite already knowing his exact facial expressions from previous experiences. It was a harsh thought but maybe, if you could embarass him by catching him mid rant, maybe he wouldn't be so insufferable when you apologised? It was a flawed logic but you could hope at least.

Lost in your own musings, you compeltely overlook most of his words, his confessions to the Voltorbs about his crush on you flowed completely out of your head as he said them. Well almost all. His words hit you as soon as you saw him, sat on the floor with his arms folded, monologing to his audience.

"They were singing them love songs! They never sing me long songs!" Slumping his shoulders dramatically and letting his head fall into his hands he continued, unaware that he was being observed by you. "I just want them to sing love songs to me. Songs about me."

His sorrow, ignored by his crowd of tiny ball Pokémon in favour of soft buzzing to each other as they noticed you. Growing more excited by the second, mischeiviously hoping Melli would day something else incriminating. Gesturing to them as quietly as you could to calm down and stay quiet, you crept slightly closer, not paying as much attention as you should and stepling on a twig.

Melli's head whipped up and towards you  panic plastered on his face, as the sharp snapping sound reverberated around the arena. You winced at the noise knowing you had been caught and looked down at the ground, not daring to meet his gaze just yet.

"How much did you hear?" Melli squeaked, his voice now a whisper.

"Not a lot, truely, but I got the general idea." Removing your foot from the twig you kick it aside so you can delay looking at the man before you.

"And? Will you not apologise to me? For making me feel this way?" He began a tirade of false confidence as was his go to but you were suddenly so tired of hearing it, you had already grown so unacustomed to not being on the receiving end, you had lost your tolerance for it.

"Oh enough Melli" you snapped, harsher than you meant.

As silence fell over you both, each wrestling with your own anxieties, all you could hear was your heart pounding in your ears. Collapsing down so as to sit beside him, just slightly too close, you finally looked him in the eyes. They were watery with tears, scared of the rejection he was expecting to follow.

"I'm sorry, Mells. Adaman told me what making you that mirror meant to you and it was never my intention to make you uncomfortable. Well, truth me told I was trying to annoy you but still. I didn't know that it meant what it does." Your gaze falters and you look away, your thumb unconsciously rubbing the handle of your basket as you fidget nervously. You interupt slightly as you hear him inhale as if to start speaking. "You don't have to forgive me and you can reject my proposal, that's fine, but please, I want to still be friends, at least".

"At least?" Comes his reply, genuinely confused, not expecting you to confess feelings for him but praying to any god that was listening that you would.

Swallowing nervously, your voice cracks when you speak.

"I like you, Melli. And, I don't want to scare you and say that we should get married, but I would like to see if we could be more than friends. I've wanted to tell you for a while but never dared."

You fall silent, letting him process your words. It felt good to finally admit the thing that had been on your mind for months, but your chest felt like it was being crushed the more time passed without his reply. Focusing on your breathing you collect yourself, trying not to have a panic attack as you sit and wait for a response. Any response.

After what felt like hours, you couldn't bare it any longer and began to shift yourself away from the lavender haired man you loved. Attempting to rise from you seat of the ground before a hand caught your arm, tugging you back down.

"Look at me?" Melli's voice was softer than you had ever heard it and it made your heart ache to hear more.

Turning your face back to him you lifted your eyes to meet his, hearing his sharp inhale when your gazes finally lock onto each other. Before you knew what was happening his lips were on yours. His hands hovering over yours not daring to touch, it felt awkward but it was what you'd wanted for so long that you didn't care. His soft lips pressed firmly against yours, still with nerves as his eyes never left yours. Pulling back quickly as if realising what he'd done he turns his face away from you, a blush staining his entire face. You blinked a few times to re-centre your thoughts, finally remembering to breathe.

He'd kissed you.

You both sat there for long time in silence, though this time a comfortable one. Both of you settling down from your nerves, blushes receeding before getting bold enough to look at each other for a breif moment before your blushes began anew. The bizarre situation you found yourself in suddenly dawned on you and you couldn't stop the giggle that left you, pushing Melli to the side gently to get him to join you in laughter, and he did. It was like you had both finally remembered you were best friends, laughing at the blushes on each others faces, both teasing the other for admiting they caught feelings.

"Consider your proposal, undoubtably rejected." He laughed as he pushed you over softly, in retaliation for you pinching his still bright red cheeks.

"Fine, I'll have my mirror back then" Sticking your tongue out at him from your new home in the grass, smiling at him softly with a loving look as he turned away and loomed over his shoulder at you.

"Good luck with that! Adaman helped me fix it to the wall yesterday, well out of the reach of you little people" he flicks his hair over his shoulder to emphasise the little people comment and it makes you smile wide.

Pulling his tunic to get him to face you again, you stayed prone, the grass surprisingly comfortable.

"Well then I suppose you'll just have to pay more for it! But, I warn you my costs are steep." The teasing lilt to your voice and the fact you were still lying almost beneath him had him intrigued, a faint blush threatening to take over his features as he quirked an eyebrow at you.

"Mmhmm. It will cost you one whole kiss.  Right here." You confirm tapping your index finger to your cheek.

"Your prices are steep but I suppose I have no choice"

He re-positioned himself so as to hover above you, stradding your waist, chucklimg lightly as your face scrunched up reflexively has his hair fell in your face. Brushing his hair away from you, he trailed his knuckles against your face faintly before leaning down slowly to press a kiss to your cheek. You smirk, eyes full of devilment as he falls closer to you. Lips barely an inch from their destination you catch his face with your hand and guide him to meet your lips. Your eyes closed in bliss as you feel his lips move against yours, bodies pressed closer than would be decent if someone were to catch you. You swore you could stay like this forever, well, if it weren't for the chorus of overexcited Voltorb.

FUCK PLEASE JUST LET ME-

I CRAVE.

THANK YOU.

BUT PLEASE YOU’RE MAKING ME A LITTLE PARCHED.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Do yiu want to maybe write a lil smth about big dick daddy and his strength.... pleasd and thank u ❤️🥵

Okay hun just a quick headcannon might not be exactly what you were after but porn is ponr 🤷‍♀️ 😘😘

Warnings: smut, nsfw, size difference, toys, car sex, exhibitionism, daddy kink, filth

You bent forward with the slightest of winces, this probably wasnt the best idea to use this particular toy when you had yoga class.

Today was henry's birthday, you were going to skip class but sadly he had a meeting this morning and had insisted on you coming to class.

You really should of stuck to your guns and stayed home

But it was to late now, you were here in the middle of class, this time at the back becuase you were nervous about anyone seeing it through your leggings.

You had a surprise for your sweet boyfriend, it had taken a few days of prep work but you were on the final stage

You see there was an issue in the bedroom. He was ridiculously endowed... like seriously before meeting him you rolled your eyes at that whole 'i can see it in her guts' porn cliche that men tried to boast about.

Not anymore. Nope, it was definitely a thing.

You were thankfull he was strong enough and could lift you with his arms and make you 'hover' as he drilled you mindful of just how much he fed your needy but small pussy.

You could never take him fully and although he never minded it got to you. You wanted to be good for him, to give him everything. And take everythig!

So you decided to get a set of plugs to help... loosen you a tad, it was more a length issue then a... girth?

You were on your second day of your biggest toy and it was strange streaching and doing yoga with the toy rubbing your tender walls.

It was down right torturous!

You heaved in relief as the teacher wrapped up the class and bolted outside needing to get home and cool off

The beep of a horn called you across the road to where henry was waiting in the car.

You crossed the road quickly opening the door throwing your bag behind the passenger seat and climbed in "Ah~fucking fuck!"

Henry froze and cast you a strange look as you bit your lip and shuddered as your ass met the seat...

That didnt make sense? You hadnt been spanked for a few days

"Babe? You okay? Did you pull something?" He asked slowly concern creasing his brow

"I wish, no no i- lets go, i need to get back and chill... need a fucking shower you cringed, you really did, not just to cool down either.

"Okay if your sure" he said pulling away from the curb.

During the ride home he kept a close eye on you, noting the soft mewls and panting... especially when he let the car over rev a little, trying to help with the battery which had been playing up recently.

"Babe your going red, have some of your drink" henry said half way home nodding to your bag behind the seat.

"Yeah.. okay" you hummed unclipped your seat belt, holding the bottle would give you something to do with your hands, take the temptation of slipping you fingers to your crotch as the car vibrated the plug.

You moved leaning over the center console and cralwed back bending over reaching your bag. Unknowingly presenting the little bulging base of the plug in your pussy

"No fucking way!?" Henry growled doing a double take as he saw the little tell tale bump

Before you could ask what he meant a hugge hand came up landing over your slit in a light spank making you moan

"Oh god~ hen!?" You moaned and tried to reverse back into you sea but henrys hand remained on the end of the plug and wriggled it side to side sending you into a chorus of wanton moans

"Baby girl? You wore a plug to yoga?" He laughed enjpying the way you collapsed over the centre console

He moved repositioning his arm to rest his elbow and fore arm on your back fingers slipping under the leggings and following the creas of your ass to the wet pussing lips wrapped around the plug.

"Hen- daddy! Noo let me up!" Ou protested not likejng being bent over in the car for the world to see it they wished!

"Oh hush, we're almost home! Its nothing you dont deserve your naughty girl!" He teased clasping the plug and slowly began thrusting the toy in and out

"Oh gos! Listen to that~ such a messy girl? All drenched and slippy~" you mewled and began panting unable to stop rocking back.

"D-daddy please! Not in the car!"

"So yours embarrassed being caught with your toy in the car, but not your yoga class?-pfft yoga all those streches must have been fun baby girl~ tell me what was your favourite? Is this a naughty little secret?" He spoke cheerfully amused by the predicament youd got yourself in

"No-no i didnt mean it! Daddy its not like that!"

"No? Then why do you have this in your little pussy babygirl?" He asked genuinely curious

"Its for you daddy! For your birthday! I made'em bigger so you can... all in..." you stuttered as he began fuckingnyou faster. But he stopped at your comment

"You've been getting yourself ready so daddy can fuck you deeper?" He said out loud as he managed to pull the car into the drive thanking god this was an automatic.

Cy-yeah! Please-Ugh daddy!?" You cried as with a quick flick of his hands your leggings were at your knees and the plig was pulled free.

He whistled low when he saw just what your stuffed yourself with... definitely longer then anything else he'd seen you use before.

You moaned as he left you needy on the edge.

He didnt waist time just feeling hos wet and horny you were had him fully erect already.

He ditched the plug on the passenger seat paying no mind to your yells of 'is gonna stain!'

Deft fingers latched onto your hips as he pulled himself free.

"God your such a good girl~ so precious" he purred before hoisting you to straddle him and without hesitation impaling you on him fully.

"F-Fuuuck! Daddy it oh god!" You groaned feeling him press you down onto his thighs tightly grinding hissing through his teeth.

"Fuck! Fuck thats-god your so hot! So tight babygirl~" you whined as your leggings at your knees was stretched across his chest pressing your legs high and spread like a resistance band holding you open to him

"Ah daddy ! Please! Fuck please move!" You cried for him to fuck you despite being on top.

He chuckled heeding you and held your waist tightly before lifting your, bobbing you up and down on him.

He grunted straightening his legs into the foot well and moved you faster, just like he would a fleshlight useing your body as his own toy, only this time you were accepting him entirely.

His head rested on the head rest and he moaned louder widening his thighs reveling in the feel of your ass beuching his balls as he drove deeper.

You panted moaning and wriggling squirming in his grasp as he used you properly for the first time.

You fought him as things got too much, but it was no use, he had clamped his hands on you and was too lost to give any wiggle room. You loved it!

Then finally with a huge growl and roar he tugged your hips to his in bruisong thrusts markingnyou with his fingers as he plundered you in the last few thrusts

Bringingnyou high enough you feared oud hit to roof of the car.

Just as quickly as he'd taken you he finished locking you to his lap pressing as far as he could into your body floddjng your jnsides sendingnyou into your own orgasm

You flexed and kicked your entire body trembling and fighting as he held you still feedinnyour cunt as much as he could.

"Fuck! Fuck that- why has it taken this long to try car sex" you panted slowly coming down from your high.

"I dont know, but fuck if that wasnt the best quicky we ever had"

"Beats the public bathroom" you agreed

"Hands down... soo round two?"

"Inside... i can hear kal barking" you uttere flushing tipping your head hearing the bear belting out the song of his people

"Good shout..." henry chuckled

"Henry... happy birthday" you uttered

"Thank you... it's best present ever... how long you been wearing them?"he said nodding to the plug that had left an embarrassing puddle onnthe leather.

"Only a week" you shrugged leaning over grasping the plug.

"Used to it then?" He quipped staringm off in thought

"Yeah pretty much... why?" You answered anxiously

"I expect this as my very own homecoming treat from now on babygirl... do you understand princess?"

"Yes daddy~ comemon lets go inside i want round two!" You giggled nodding to him excitedly. You don't mind the inconvenience of plugs if it gives you mind blowing sex

"I thought this was my present?" He pouted sweetly at how excited you were for his present

"You gonna say no to round two daddy?" You teased prodding his chest the little sweat patch on the grey tshirt making your mouth water, you couldn't help it you were far too gone.

"of course not! Lets get your cuffs out!" He laughed patting you ass prompting you to climb off of him and crawl back to the passenger seat and redress.

[beann-e]

Haikyu! Characters With A Shy Manager

Inarizaki Boys With A Shy Manager

tw” joke about ‘offing’ ones self & also overbearing parents

Read Part One Here

osamu

-osamu is someone who’s laidback and doesn’t show his anger much except for when his brother pisses him off and right now Atsumu was nearing the edge of his brothers patience

“ I don’t care what you do as long as your happy “

“ if thats what you want to do then who are we to stop you “

your eyes traveled as you watched osamus mouth quirk up in a small smile before turning into a frown at his brothers face

His body ignoring him and looking to you awaiting your answer his eyes speaking as if your words could change his decision

“ uh I— I don’- “

“ who cares what yer think “ atsumus voice came out in a yell as he turned to his brother

“ are you stupid why would you leave all of this — why would you throw all of this away “ he moved to point to everything in the gym and the balls that sat idle after a match theyd just played and won

“ this can provide for a family — life after high school ‘samu and you want to “

his face came up in confusion “ and you want to leave it all for a restaurant how — why— why would that make sense to you — it’s stupid “

you felt your body go slack as your face dropped into a pout at atsumu’s claims . Throughout all the times you’d seen them argue this had to be the biggest one you’d ever seen take place in front of the team.

You felt horrible your mouth wanted to open to try to protect osamu seeing as he was the only one who put effort into trying to speak with you.

Ever since you joined the team no one could really understand why you were so quiet except for osamu who would sit next to you during breaks and lunches that he’d share his food with you after you finished the bento box he’d made you

your heart tore as you watched him look to the ground ‘ just say something ‘samu please if this is what you want then tell him — it’s your life ‘

“ have you ever stopped and thought about how this may just be what you want ‘tsumu “

atsumus yells stopped as he heard his brothers voice and head pop up to target him

“ maybe this isn’t something I feel my talents are best used for “

he stood with his eyebrows furrowed in determination “ I like food — it makes me happy just like volley’ makes you so — I don’t care if it’s hard and not as easy as volleyball is for me right now —I want to do what my minds telling me to do “

he huffed “ and that’s to cook and open my own restaurant“

he moved to walk over to his brother to get closer with both his words and body “ and don’t you ever yell at them like that again you probably made them piss their pants “

he calmed himself down as he looked his brother in the eyes “ if your nice now “ he huffed out putting his arms into a hold across his chest “ maybe I might just give you a free meal when I open my restaurant “

Everyone’s body turned in shock and fear when they looked behind them to see your body shaking mouth being ripped open with a calming laugh as you clutched at you stomach

Everything seemed to slow in the gym as osamu watched your body ripple with the loud laugh that came out. Wondering how you’d held it inside for so long seeing as this was the first time anyone heard you laugh

“ y-y/n why — why are you laughing “

“ how can you laugh at a time like this we’re fighting“ Atsumus voice had calmed down in a state of panic at your new behavior

“ because osuma said you not gonna get any food“ you smiled “ and I know right now you don’t care but I bet when you get older and you see his amazing restaurant with a long line in front your gonna wish you’d sucked it up in this moment so you can take that free plate “

osamus mouth itched as his wide eyes squeezed shut at your bright smile his mouth opening before he could stop himself “ if you believe in me so much please believe I could keep you fed if you date me “

your body froze as everyone now turned in fear from you to osamu

“ Will I get rice for lunch everyday “ you giggled

“ i’ll make you anything you want out of rice if that’s what you like — i’ll even make you a wedding ring out of rice “

you laughed as you shook your head in a yes form “ as long as the foods included and you never give up on your dreams — no matter who believes in them “

your voice was soft “ then yes i’ll date you osamu “

you watched as he smiled widely sticking his tounge out at his brother “ oh now it’s really fuck what you think ‘tsumu— cause your the one who told me food wouldn’t be enough to get them to date me— I should’ve just made them the cake like I wanted and asked ‘em out “

The team all stood in shock as Arans mouth opened and closed before he spoke again “ u-uh how did that even make sense— what just happened “

sunas body relaxed against the wall as he spoke soft and quiet “ osumas quit volley’ to be a chef, y/n believes in him so their dating, and “ he pointed to atsumu

“ and once again Atsumu looks stupid “

Atsumu

-he’s not one who would necessarily get along with someone shy nor do I see him being able to. The way he acts may go two ways it may make the person comfortable or it may just irritate them and make them even more anxious

-I don’t think he’s one to see the signs , he would probably take your uncomfortable laughter as him making you laugh and tell the whole team he finally broke you and got you to laugh

“ atsumu “

The setter called as he threw up a new set for his brother in the two on two practice match. His hand hitting the ball hard in a spike as he won his team the final point

Your body dropping as you immediately knew what was coming “ y/n-san did you see that “

“ y-yes atsumu-senpai “

“ it was cool wasnt it “ he said as he moved towards you

“ y-yes “

he smirked as he slid his hands in his pocket looking down on you as he came to a stop in front of your body “ well when your just a great player like me things like that come easy so you don’t have to worry if I hurt myself or not “

he looked away from you and to the floor but eyes darting up to look at you again quickly “ because I didn’t so yeah — don’t think I did “

you smiled softly trying to think of a way out of this “ I-I didn’t think so “

“ yeah see you know someone like me would never get injured —I have to be a great role model to my sweet little first year“

he patted your head as he sat down next to you feet out in front of him “ don’t go turning into one of my annoying fan girls ok y/n “

“ I won’t “

“ ah you don’t mean that “ he bumped you softly “ you love me—so your loves gonna blind you you’ll see “

“ oh “

“ see you do — and I love you too “

“ dude they dont even like talking to you “

“ oh shut yer trap yes they do their in love with me we’re destined to be together “

“ yeah in death — that’s what your gonna do ‘tsumu yer gonna make them off theirselves by hearing yer loud mouth every single time you win a match “

“ y/n you love me right “

your body flamed as you let out an uncomfortable laugh moving over on the bench “ they look —their laughing because it’s true “

his body stopped “ wait “

you felt as the wheels were turning in his head —a bit slow but they were turning

his voice coming out in mumbles “ if their laughing— and i’m talking— and now their laughing after I spoke —-l”

he yelled “ I MADE Y/N-SAN LAUGH “

he screamed in happiness smile huge “ I made them laugh guys “

he jolted up jumping when he stood before racing over to the group that all turned to look at him “ their laughing guys I — I did it their laughing their laug—“

your eyes darted to the floor as atsumu fell head first into the floor his voice coming out in a whine as he shook coming up to grab his nose in pain before reaching down to rub his ankle that he felt was thumping like crazy

“ y-you lied you did hurt yourself “

he moved to run his hand across the back of his neck “ well when you say hurt what do you me—“

your laugh came out in short giggles as you tried to hide it not wanting to give him the satisfaction of making you laugh your head turning to the side as you gave up and laughed into the air

Your giggles sounding like a song atsumu always wanted to play through his headphones when he would walk to school

His body thinking before his mind as he stood up and ran again towards the team “ Guys their — I did it again and you all saw — i’m amazing “

he fell forward again but this time just lying there as he mumbled into the ground

“ their totally in love with me — I made ‘em laugh not once but twice in a row —I got a real shot now“

Aran

-I don’t know much about him because I haven’t finished haikyu! I just know what i’ve gathered from short clips or from what i’ve seen already in the seasons & read in manga but he’s very open minded

-whenever he’s around you he’s always quick to snap and stop someone from telling you that you aren’t allowed to do something because it’s “ not logical “

Your body moved slowly to the gyms exit as you felt a hand come down over your shoulder

“ walk ‘ya home ? “

you looked up face stoic in a slight yes at Arans question

since you’d joined the team as manager you had yet to connect with the other boys only really speaking to Aran and helping him out when he needed it

He came to like being around you because you were a change of pace from his usual one dealing with the twins antics. So it wasn’t that hard to hear him asking to walk you home for the past few nights when practice ran too long

he sighed as he looked down at you “ you never really speak but I feel like your face talks for you “

you looked to the ground as he laughed “ get it because your always stoic —and your face shows noth—ok“

he looked away not hearing your laugh or seeing a smile deciding to cough the atmosphere away “ ok yeah get it “

it wasn’t that you didn’t want to laugh you just couldnt your parents dug into you anytime you went home. Theyd have your head if you didn’t focus only on your studies so, it was hard for you to talk or even be around other people when it wasn’t for class it made you anxious and you weren’t sure how to interact

People took this as you being shy and you weren’t going to explain that you wanted to talk but just didn’t know how

He let his hand fall from your shoulder as the walk soon came to a close him leaving you to walk up to the stairs to your home

“ you may go “ you said softly as he shook his head with a big smile on his face

“ nope not until I know your in your house safely “

you nodded your head as you took a deep breath the door opening before your hand could meet the lock your fathers voice knocking you on your butt

“ who is this — who is he y/n “

“ I-I “

“ I heard more than your voice out here and came to the door “

“ were you waiting up for me “

“ yes you didn’t come home after school today “

“ oh I— there was a math meet i’m sorry “ your father looked away in disgust as you lied

“ your lying to me I called your school and they said you quit mathletes to be a manager of some volleyball club “

you gulped “ I um “

“ why would you do something stupid like that it can’t help you in the future — with your studies “

“ because I um — I like “

you shut yourself up just nodding your head as your father beat into you “ so dumb I thought I raised you correctly it doesn’t matter what you want to do or what’s fun you do what makes you smart and whats logical you do not hold feeli—“

“ I think their happy “ Aran smiled at the scene in front of him “ I think they enjoy being our manager very much “

“ and who told you to spea-“

“ my heart — it guides a person to make decisions ones like I just made — and ones that you made — you want the best for your daughter right “

you fathers actions faltered as Aran continued to press into him “ If you want the best than you have to realize y/n Is tired and she’s not used to friendly interaction — she’s very out of place and uncomfortable around people because she’s only used to school work“

he shook his head in concern “ is this what you want for your child — for your kid to only know how to talk about school and not have a moment where their not spending it thinking about math equations and growing overworked “

“ well I— “

“ on our volleyball team we work ourselves hard yes— but we’ve also become great friends through this hard work we’re happy doing what we do because our hearts led us to do it not our parents “

he looked to you and back to your father as he stood looking up from the bottom of the stairs “ so I ask that you let your child stay on the volleyball team since their heart brought them there to sign up for the job one tuesday afternoon at 3:30 in our gym during our second winning match of the season “

your dad nodded his head in shock as he whispered out an ok

Aran smiling and leaving after waving to you with a short see you tomorrow

Your dad holding the house door open for you as he walked over whispering out to you “ you better marry that boy “ he smiled as he moved through the house

“ he remembered every detail about when he first met you “

[anonil88]

Euphoria Season 2 Finale live blog:

I am not fucking ready. This little preview before episode has my heartbeat racing.

🎭Spoilers below as always🍿

Oh Fez. "I saved the best seat in the house for you." 😭

Fuck you custard. Faye is a real fucking one, let's go Faye let's fucking go. She's sober and safe with Fez and Ash.

Ashtray said fuck that noise. God dammit Ash. Now Fez definitely going to prison for Ash's fastness. God dammit.

Aw Fez and Lexi really had dreams and an honest friendship/relationship. I'm very upset that this all went to hell, also look at Angus finally getting some lines.

Fuck man I'm so mad at Ash like I get it but I am also upset like he's so rash.

Rue said: what the fuck is Cassie on.

Suze said shit is about to hit the fan.

This is bad. Oh fuck Cassie is about to drag her sister and tarnish everything entirely. Yea Cassie is broken.

This is not the play, oh thank God Suze is trying to difuse the situation and there's no way she can.

Cassie is right but also wrong because Lexi has trauma too. Not her getting sexualized while being a damn mess.

Maddy is like bitch let's fight bitch.

Lexi you did not put the carousel into the play.

Yoooo Maddy get her ass. Kat said girl chill, not BB with her vape hyping this shit up.

Suze really stayed diffusing this situation until the very end. That's a mess.

Ah sober Rue talking to Elliot should be interesting. I wonder what he will or won't tell her about that night. But it is wild that they are both so chill and understanding with eachother still.

Oh we're getting a Dominic Fike track okay then.....he's serenading her. I dont want it to be romantic but if they both stayed sober they might stay long long friends. Idk though but her does like likes her though. Rue and Jules are definitely going to need some time to talk like really talk and converse though. I just im quite confused by what's happening in this boys bedroom right now. He will be back for season 3 though possibly so we will see. That scene was too damn long like I dont really care about his album but I'm glad he's having his moment.

Omg someone finally chose truth.

Yea the play isn't over yet and life ain't over either. Time to see this final act through, which I'm really excited to see.

Aw Rue is such a good ass friend.

"Giddy Up." Come through with the one liners Bobbi. Lexi being honest and giving a tribute to Fez gives me chills. Fez gonna do everything to try to give Ashtray a life.

Yea the feds are here.

Wtf are you doing ash? THIS IS NOT A MOVIE ASH, YOU'RE GOING TO GET BOTH OF YALL KILLED. He put them both at risk entirely.

Is nate going to try to kill his dad? That sure would be stupid on his end. Nate is so tall compared to his dad but also if he does this in front of all these people he's so stupid.

Yea that is exactly what you learned from your dad, how to be violent. Its kind of like the play these people don't know what is happening and Cal and Nate do.

Nate is about to spill the beans, ugh not the dream. You're trying to protect your dad but he never asked for your protection. Not Nate looking like a sad child finally receiving love. Revenge solves absolutely nothing Nate unless you called the cops. He did it. Omg Nate finally did something right for once in his life, good for him. Maybe he will be a better person after this.

My question is what are they arresting him for? Also not Nate backing out of the room just like when he was a little kid.

ASH STOP. The bullet that hit Fez was Ash's not the cops. If Fez dies it will be Ash's fault not the cops.

You shot a cop cold blooded, Fez can't save you no more.

Rue's eulogy is so so sad and I think...yep Lexi put it into her play. Aw Rue sweetheart. Her dad and Rue mirror eachother.

All of them at 15/16 had an awful ass year. 8th grade is ass.

I hear that Labrinth song in the back.

This isn't even a eulogy this is just pain and trauma.

Fez is going to go to jail as a different man than he was.

Aw Rue, yea ms girl sit with those feelings. Sober Rue looks good and healthy.

I'm glad these two, Lexi and Rue, get to reconcil their friendship. They both kind of need to because their mutual closest friend was taken by the police.

Really loving how Lexi ended this play. Rue needs her friends, but also Suze thats not the time for a photo.

Rue needs a healthy coping mechanism also idk if Lexi should be a pillar of mental health. Cause that was partly healthy but also not because her sister absolutely hates her. Rue needs to learn how to talk and be honest.

Loosing a parent both through abandonment and death is fucking hard. You absolutely cannot hold on to the anger stage of grief or let it paralyze you because it will.

This is a good step in the right direction Rue, really really good.

Oh? This is the play? Wait but she talks about the play after....I'm so confused.

Cassie's face is fucked and all Maddy has is a scratch. Some people honestly go through this, fight, and reconcile. But, Cassie you should not be excited for that.

I'm highkey worried for what is about to happen between Rue and Jules right now but also I think the two of them talking is good. But also Jules love is great but you gotta apologize, love is not enough and doesn't take the place of saying I'm sorry. Cassie and Jules both need to work on the issues Rue said I love you but I'm not ready.

You were too high for most of it unfortunately.

So we're definitely seeing them in their senior year for season 3. I'm entirely okay with that because I don't want nor do I think they can push a fourth without a co writer. Not a producer co writing or reading scripts. But someone sitting down and saying let me help you write this and develop the script with him.

Ayy zendaya singing love that but also I kind of prefer the original version. Rue said I was sober not by my own volition though and I don't know who I was high which is sad but honest.

Thoughts: Not a bad finale but the pacing issues do persist. And persist they do. If I rate it ill give it a 7.5 to 8 leaning to 7.5 whereas season 1 finale was a 9.5. I'm going to sit with this one and really write out my thoughts and review. It will be in a separate thing from my full season review or maybe not but I'm hmmm. I believe some things were cut though. What I will say is I relate oh so much to Rue in a lot of ways as I do many of the characters and I really do love them all. Even with their messy ass actions. I yea imma have to sit on this one cause I have thoughts but I need to really formulate them. I need some answers in season 3.

(A message to my bestfriend I watch with: There's 0 closure for Maddy, Nate, or Cassie and they are all seniors. So Rue is going to tell us she stayed sober and thats it but we don't know what happened. They could fill us in in the season 3 opener but like wtf. We also said the math ain't mathing.)

[onaliiiiim]

Now avaleble on AO3 ive never posted on tumblr before do bear with me

Feardusk

This is a fanfic based on LinkedUniverse AU, this is my first public fanfic, i make these for fun so if something doesn’t make since im not as experienced as others so bear with me. I might post more as i have been making up some lu stories for about 4 or 5 years daily…

This fanfic was inspired by The Living Toumbstone’s ‘This Comes From Inside’. I took a few quotes from the song and some scenes from the music video, but with my own twist on it :)

Enjoy :D

Feardusk

Its a dark and cold night, the hero of the wild is traveling alone in the woods for a breather, he walks slowly to the location he is trying to reach; a nearby pond to wash up and calm himself down. He’s halfway there when its starts pouring rain.

“Oh great. Now theres another thing agents me…. Nature…” he exaggerates. He picks up speed and try’s to find shelter. Nothing but trees… ‘that will have to do for now…’ he thinks, getting nostalgia at the thought of taking shelter under a tree, reminding him of when he practiced in the rain with the princess at his side, venting about her troubles to him. He is shocked back into reality when he hears a lightning strike. Hastily, the hero runs under the closest tree and puts his hood on. He leans up agents the tree and watches the rain.

Time passes, and the rain hasn’t let up, ‘strange… the rain should have let up by now’ he reaches to get his slate out to check the weather. SNAP! he jumps at the sound pulls a dagger out. The hero looks around for any kind of life could have stepped on the branch.

“Nothing…” he mumbles to himself. ‘Thats strange, how could that-“ he thinks to himself while looking around. SNAP!! This time it was insanely loud and came from above him, the hero glanced up to see a huge tree branch falling closer and closer to him at rapid speeds. before he could react, everything goes black.

Everything’s a blur, Wild hears nothing but the soft drizzle of the rain, and… ringing…. ‘Thats- thats never…. good….’ The hero thinks. oh how hard it is for him to think right now! He checks his surroundings from his position on the floor, his vision is vague and blurred making it difficult to check his surroundings. ‘all alone in the woods… you can easily get ambushed in this… situation…’ he thinks to himself. the right side of his head and shoulder hurt with a burning force like being crushed by a boulder as he tries to sit up so he can properly check his surroundings.

Wild tries to stand up but the pain quickly stops him. The hero falls down to his knees. he was hurting, yes, but he needed to get back to camp and there was no possible way he would be heard if he yelled for one of the boys to come help him, so he would have to go on his own. And… walk there…. Himself….

After what felt like endless walking, Wild stops ‘maybe i.. can rest here….. for.. maybe a few minutes…?’ He thinks to himself and decides to rest under another tree he starts to make his way over there when Wild hears rustling from behind him, he sharply turns around, a bit too fast, and topples over, his hair whipping his face in the process. he looks up to see two glowing eyes. Seeing this makes him pull back out the dagger with his left hand, as his right is still hurting from being hit by the branch, and he holds it up towards the figure.

“Show yourself!” He yells with the upmost courage he can muster “or else!”

"Its only me" someone says quietly in a soothing yet unnatural voice. "You dont have to worry, you're safe, well… In a way..”

Wild pauses, and the closer the figure gets, the more recognizable it is.

“Four?” Wild says as his friend appears from the shadows

"Its me your friend, dont you recognize a friend" he says in a voice as if he was being fed the words “Well yes but-“ Suddenly the woods caught on fire. ‘WHAT!?! WHATS GOING ON!?!’ Wild thinks, he sees more red figures and starts panicking. He looks around as all the figures step closer, slowly revealing their true identity, its the rest of his brothers, they have surrounded him and are closing in. The traveler steps up first to speak.

"See this. You're the cause of all this. The fire, is what is going to destroy the woods, kind of like how you destroyed the kingdom of Hyrule, is it not?” The traveler says “you’re the reason it all happened, if you hadn't failed things would've turned out differently, your ‘precious’ friends would’ve never died" his friend said Wild starts to look down as if darkness started to fill the area, nothing but a black void and fire now. "Its all your fault! everything is a problem. Because of you and your pitiful mistake!" the rancher said as they surround him

"Because you made it that way" the hero of legends says

"NO!" Wild said as he tried to stay brave through the fire slowly closes in on them, the heat rising and causing the champion the sweat

"You have brought shame to our title." Four says

“No… please” he cries as he moves his left arm up to his head with his right rested over his torso "How is it that all of us prospered, yet you are the only one to have failed" Sky says that one hit him like a brick! Wild stands there in shock, he always had been wondering about this since before he even met the other boys… how did they know how to get in his head!?!

‘No.. i cant let them get to my head’ he tries to talk himself out of it He looks around for any way to get out or at least keep his mind off the negative comments from his brothers, when he realizes he can maybe use his ice rod to put the fire out. Wild reaches into his bag, nothing? Strange… the bag must’ve been emptied… he snaps back to this new ‘reality’ when the Old Man speaks up

"You had five years to prepare, but you just threw it all away cause things went off track. You let your feelings get the best of you" Time says, his voice raging over the fire

"you guys are supposed to be on my side, not against me!" Wild says choking on the smoke from the fire.

"Who said we were ever on your side!?!" Leg says "Vou MEAN NOTHING TO US" his voice starts sounding not of a humans voice but as a monsters, the champion notes this. ‘Well theres no way these are my siblings, there words dont matte-‘ his thoughts are interrupted with a short “but they do” coming from the Captain

"Think of all the innocent lives lost because you couldn't stop the calamity, i would be ashamed to have you as my student" Captain says his eyes glowing red with fury "NO I CANT BELIEVE YOU!!!" Wild outrages in attempt to get them to stop "But you do" the youngest says “We know you do, and why would we lie, we are just stating facts, sharing wisdom" "why should I listen to any of you" Wild says in a deep almost growl voice, adding extra sass in the ‘you’ part. "Were your family, you must always listen to your family" the youngest answers, a red glow coming from his eyes as they all close in, leaving the hero of the wild no chance of escaping them

“You’re not my family!! A family does not discourage each other!! they BUILD YOU UP AND ENCOURAGE YOU!!!!” He starts getting furious at the others

"How would YOU know you cant even REMEMBER yours!!" "Were just stating facts" someone shouts, all voices are the same at this point "why are you putting my family in this" Wild says in a really deep growling voice "You failed them, they blame you for the fall too, all that training just for you to fall in the end" The champion reaches for his sword, forgetting about his injury and hisses at the pain when he attempts to do so. ‘Well i guess if i cant fight with my hands then i will with my words’ he thought to himself. Here goes nothing…

"YOU DONT SCARE ME!" Wild says with all the courage he has remaining. in truth, he was frightened, but he couldn’t let them see.

"im watching you"

"Every step"

"Every move"

"Watch your back"

"Its me"

"Flee now"

"Well settle this the easy way or the hard way, your choice"

" I will never flee! I've been the hero I'm supposed to be! IM the hero if you don't see that, THEN ILL MAKE YOU SEE!!" Champion yells

"The thing is, we've already won" "wh-what?” He says, his confusion talking the spotlight "Like this" someone appears from behind and pins the hero down, landing on his bad side, he shrieks at the pain and tries to move, but cant, ‘im pinned to the ground, what do i expect. im such a IDIOT!’ He tries to roll over where he has the enemy pinned down instead of him, anything to get the increasing weight off him, but to no avail. ‘Well i guess its plan B’ the champion thinks. before he can run plan B he’s interrupted "Your attacks wont work agents us" someone says

Wild hears faint sound, frantic yelling The pressure then takes a random jump from not just someone pinning him down, likely making his injuries worse, to suddenly.. nothing, he feels nothing? ‘What? A-am i dead?’ The champion thinks as he sees a blinding light and the scene fade from existence, all fading to just white.

Then he wakes up

Wild wakes up unsure of what happened, still piecing it all together as his vision returned to him. He woke to all eight of the boys hovering over him. Once he realized its them he yells in fear and tries to pull back out is dagger, when he realizes where he is. He’s back at camp, his head and arm is bandaged. He looks around to see the usual. Maybe it was just a dream? Then why does he have these injuries!?!

"ARE YOU OK!?! I TOLD THEM NOT TO BE SO ROUGH ON YOU!! THEY JUST DIDNT LISTEN!!” Wind says Wild just laughs at the remark

“What happened?” Wild says weakly

Twilight stepped up “We found you passed out some time after you stormed off… while me and Wars were fighting… You were just in the middle of nowhere, and your head was bleeding, we didn’t see any monsters nearby. So we thought-“

“I… a.. tree hit me, n-no big deal…”

“Well were glad your safe, no matter how it happened.” Time says

“Maybe next time just dont storm off” Warriors says

“Oh hush, you dont want to start this up again now DO YOU?” Twilight yells “we have other problems to deal with right now” “Fine if you insist” Wars says in a mockingly tone

“Now, Champion, rest, its been a long day and im sure you- all of you, are exhausted” time says as the others oblige.

“Goodnight everyone…”

[thechangeling]

The Box

Tiberius Blackthorn had gotten quite good at compartmentalizing. Pretending that things weren't happening, that they didn't effect him. Pretending that he didn't feel. It was almost like flicking a switch. If things got too painful or too real he just turned it off. Closed his eyes and told himself over and over.

This isn't real. This isn't really happening. This doesn't matter. I don't care.

She isn't really dead. I don't miss him. I don't love him. Over and over until the pain stopped. Ty could usually make it last for awhile. Until something brought up an unpleasant memory or feeling and then he had to start all over again.

Being around Kit again was certainly making this worse.

Kit, in true Herondale fashion was in deep trouble with multiple people. As it turned out, he was the first heir and now a bunch of people were trying to either kill or kidnap him. So now a bunch of shadowhunters and downworlders had banded together to help him defeat his enemies and keep him safe. Ty had made a huge fuss to Drusilla about being forced to help. But secretly they both knew that he would rather die then let anything happen to Kit.

So now Kit was here, back in the Los angeles institute and currently sitting at the breakfast table with that vampire friend of his and Dru. She seemed to be very adamantly telling a story and Kit was laughing hysterically. Ty felt his heart turning over in his chest at the sound. He had to fight the urge to smile.

It isn't real. I don't love him. This isn't real.

Having him this close was torture. Hearing him laugh, watching him train, watching him flirt, watching him try not to cry in front of the others. There were so many times that Ty wanted to just reach out and touch him. Run his fingers through Kit's hair, trace the curve of his cupid's bow, hold him in his arms. It was a burning, suffocating ache.

Ty leaned back against his perch up on the windowsill. He had asked Livvy to give him some space to be alone. He was doing a decent job of blending into the background with his black clothing and dark hair. Or maybe they were just ignoring him. Ty pushed away that thought.

Suddenly he felt the weight of someone hopping up beside him. They made no noise or attempts to get his attention. Ty could hear the faint sound of Under Pressure coming out of headphones.

Alyssa.

Alyssa Reyes was the werewolf from Maia's pack who had been assigned to essentially be the scholomance's liaison to the downworld and help educate future centurions about downworlder affairs. She hadn't exactly been happy about this situation and had been pretty hostile towards most of them for awhile. But she and Ty had bonded over both being autistic, and also being queer. He could honestly say that meeting Alyssa had changed his life.

He turned to face her. She was staring up at the sky, mouthing along to the words of the song. Her black wireless headphones were slud over her ears and her dark waves were tied up into a low bun. She was excitedly fiddling with the straps of her white crop top which contrasted nicely against her golden brown skin. He stared at her for awhile, just basking in her presence.

He was sad that she was going back to New York in a week. He was really going to miss her.

Eventually she turned her gaze on him, sliding her headphones down. "You have all the best hiding spots" she confessed with a smile. 'Also I figured it was time to come interrupt your lurking because it was just getting a little sad." Ty rolled his eyes at her.

"I wasn't lurking! I'm literally just sitting here!" He protested worrying instantly that they were speaking too loudly. But everyone else was deeply preoccupied with their conversations and also they were several feet away. He stole a quick glance at Kit again and practically felt Alyssa disapproval radiating off of her. Ty turned back to face her displeased expression.

When Ty had first met Alyssa she was scared and standoffish but had quickly warmed up to him. He often described her as having pure magic in her warm brown eyes, so much excitement and life practicing buzzing out of her. But now her eyes were cold and dark. She seemed angry.

"I have just about had enough of this Ty" she announced. It's clear to me how much you want him, how much you love him, so why don't you just go talk to him already?"

Ty sighed, avoiding her gaze. "I can't."

She flailed her hands haphazardly. "What do you mean you can't Ty? You can. You just won't! I'm so sick of this!" She shouted.

Ty spared a panicked glance back at the kitchen table, but they hadn't looked their way. Still Ty hopped down from the ledge.

"Here, follow me" he said to Alyssa, pulling her off the ledge. She didn't protest. She allowed him to lead her out of the kitchen and into the hallway.

"Look" he began, "I don't want to talk to Kit alright? I'm still mad at him. I'm not just going to let that go." He explained. Alyssa just stared back at him.

There was a long drawn out pause where neither of them spoke. Ty wasn't that concerned. Long drawn out pauses were kind of their thing.

"Ok" she said slowly. "I need to tell you something that you might not be ready to hear. In fact it's probably going to make you really angry. But I need you to listen."

Ty had no idea what to say to that. But Aylssa kept on talking.

"Ty you need to get over yourself" she stated simply.

Ty bristled instantly. Rage flooded through his entire being. Who the fuck did she think she was? And to hear this from Alyssa of all people. Didnt she understand why he was so hurt? Why he was so angry?

Alyssa kept going before he could yell at her, stepping towards him slightly. "Listen to me Tiberius Blackthorn. I understand your pain, better than anyone else most likely. I understand your anger. I feel it to. I feel it everyday. The way the world treats us it's like little jagged cuts everyday, slowly whittling us down into nothing." Her voice broke. Her eyes were brimmed with tears.

"But I need you to ask yourself something" she continued shakely. "I need you to ask yourself, did Kit Herondale really do this? All of this? Is all of this really his fault? Something that we talk about a lot in therapy is putting the blame where it belongs. Recognize what was caused by which person and how much fault really lies with the person you're mad at. I know you don't want to forgive him because you're hurting and your also so fucking stubborn love" she laughed despite the fact that her eyes were filled with tears.

"You refuse to move. And I know why you do that because you think if you move, you will be admitting defeat. Admitting weakness. But you aren't Ty. You are saving yourself" She reached for him but shot backwards, shaking his head. He couldn't believe her. Maybe somewhere deep down he knew that she was probably right but he didn't care. He didnt care about what he knew anymore. All he could think about was the pain he felt.

"Please" she whispered "It isn't healthy to hold a grudge for this long. It isn't good for you. It isn't good for your soul." Alyssa wiped her eyes and stood up straighter, hardening her voice. "I know you're fed up with everything, and the same things keep happening over and over again. But here's the thing. Kit isn't responsible for what Paige did to you or what your father did, or your uncle or anyone else." Ty instantly began to shake at the mention of Paige Ashdown. He could feel all if those instances coming back to him. All of those kid memories he had tried to repress.

Whenever Ty had something horrible and traumatic happen to him. Everytime someone laughed in his face, everytime someone whispered behind his back or called him a slur. Every time someone made him doubt if he was really loved. Every autistic hate crime, every murder, every debate over the concept of his soul and whether it really existed. Livvy's death. Everything that happened that day on the beach. What Kit had said to him. Kit leaving him. He took all of it, all the bad memories, all of the pain and heartbreak. He took it and shoved it into some deep place inside of him. He usually envisioned a box of some sort. He shoved it all inside of that box, shut the lid and buried it.

This isn't real. This didn't happen. This isn't happening.

Ty's entire body was vibrating now. Alyssa put her hand on his shoulder. "Listen to me. Kit Herondale is not your enemy. He isn't trying to drown you or ship you off to an institution or shove you into ABA. And I know what you're thinking, that's a pretty fucking low bar and I know!" She exclaimed. "I know! But we have to start somewhere Ty. We have to start somewhere or else we will never get anywhere. That kid is so fucking in love with you and yes he does not deserve a gold medal for doing so, but he is fighting like hell to win you back."

That much was true. Kit had been trying to talk to him all week, but Ty kept brushing him off. It wasn't enough, he always told himself. It wasnt enough. He wasnt actually sure if Kit really loved him. He just refused to believe it.

Ty shook his head at Alyssa, his fingers fluttering at his sides. He began to hit his hands against his thighs to ease some of the tention he was feeling. Alyssa squeezed his arm, taking a deep breath.

"I know you are sick and tired of explaining the same things over and over and answering stupid questions and always having to make adjustments and put in the effort when everyone else doesn't try. I am too! Believe me! But I think at a certain point you need to ask yourself if you can forgive him for not knowing?" She asked. "Can you forgive him for being ignorant and making a mistake and breaking your heart because you've hurt him too? Can you accept that he is not perfect?" She dropped her arm down and stared him directly in his eyes. "Because neither are you. Ty I know you dont wanna hear this, but you live in a very privileged bubble where most people let you get away with murder because you're a man and you're white, while those same people condemn me for being rude and intolerable." She said pointedly.

Ty bit his lip. He felt like he should argue with her but he knew she had a point. "You're a shadowhunter!" She glared at him. "You're a shadowhunter and your people have committed so many atrocities against mine. You and your family spent most of your time ignoring all of this and only focusing on helping your brother and sister. You joined an organization that has a history of doing terrible things to downworlders!" She shouted.

"Well so did you!" He shot back even though he knew it wasnt really the same thing. "And by the angel Ali if you really hate me that much then why are you even here?" Alyssa just shook her head at him and rolled her eyes. "Because I don't hate you genius. I could hold these things against you, but I don't. I forgave you for not knowing. As long as you acknowledge it and try to work on making things better, which you are, then I can let it go. Because like I said Ty, we have to start somewhere" she pleaded. "

"You have to be brave and let it go."

Instantly Ty sucked in a breath. He recognized the words she had used perfectly. They were from a song.

Their song.

Tears instantly gathered in his eyes. He let out a shakey exhale and she smiled sadly at him.

"Because right now all you're doing is hurting is yourself." Alyssa said with a shrug.

Ty squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "I know" he whispered. He opened his eyes again, she was staring at him sympathetically with those warm eyes. "I just dont know how to do this" he admitted. "I don't know how to deal with all if it. I don't think I can."

Alyssa looked confused "Deal with what exactly?"

Ty took a deep breath. "The box" he exhaled. Alyssa looked even more confused. It was a little funny.

So he decided to tell her. He told her about the coping mechanisms he had been using since he was a child. He told her about the box and how many things he had buried in it, and what they were. She cried and held him tightly to her chest. He let himself cry along with her.

He cried for that kid who had the door slammed in his face, that kid who had his interests mocked and spat on. That kid who had his heart broken over and over again long before Kit Herondale. That kid who never felt accepted or like he belonged, not even with his own twin. He cried for Livvy. He cried for that kid on the beach who lost everything. Who wanted to apologize to Kit and make everything right because he was so fucking naive and stupid, and Magnus Bane told him to go away.

So he did. But it hadn't solved anything.

He also cried for Kit. His Kit.

Ty pulled away from Alyssa, wiping at his eyes. "The worst part is it's not just my pain that's in there. I put all of the stuff with Kit in the box too" he confessed. "Like I mean the stuff that's happening right now. He's in a world of danger and I can't feel that because if I feel it then I'm afraid it'll break me."

Alyssa contemplated this for a while. "I know Ty, but you have to face it. All of it. You have to open the box or else you'll never get through it." She said sternly.

Ty leaned up against the wall if the institute. When he spoke, it sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away. "Every bad thing that happens to him feels like it's happening to me. Everything from when he was younger. When he was alone." Ty was making an effort not to cry again.

"I want him to know that he'll never be alone again. Not as long as I'm alive."

Alyssa looked at him incredulously. "Well then don't you think you should tell him that?"

Ty didn't answer her, just stared ahead. He still needed to think. Alyssa seemed to understand that because she spared him one final glance and then walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm gonna go eat" she announced. "Come join us when you're ready."

And then she left Ty alone in the hallway with his thoughts.

You have to open the box.

This is real. All of this is real.

You have to open the box.

@older-brother-kit @zafirafoxx @idontgetit-whydoihavetosaymyname @ti-bae-rius @anxiousbookenthusiast @emiikas @eutony-in-whisper

[purple-nana]

Barriers

Part 9 - angst (maybe? oof)

1.5k words    ( Part of the Dorm of us Series)  

Warnings: Noneeeee

A/N: okie, first of all. IM SO SORRY FOR NOT POSTING AN FREAKIN UPDATE. Cuz my pc is kinda busted rn so i hate it so much and i dont like using the mobile version to update :/. But anyways i'll try to updatee more often oncee my pc is back on track achu. Okie you may read now ehe, tysm for waiting! <3

You stared mindlessly at your plain, white and boring ceiling. The endless whoosing noises of the air conditioning continued to be the only source of sound as you lay in your bed.

Maybe, a screw went off in your head that staring into thin air now intrigues you so much.

Well, who wouldn't though? With all the events that happened this month, you were sure that anyone would also lose their mind when they finally get to rest.

It was still hard to believe for you. A month has already passed since—you and Jaemin became a thing.

You smiled to yourself. Jaemin was a really great boyfriend even if—you don't what a great boyfriend is really like since, you've never had one.

But nonetheless you still think that Jaemin is a great one—or so you thought.

The first day was rather interesting if you were being honest. The both of you agreed to meet up at an 'fancy' restaurant.

However, when the both of you were actually there—Jaemin didn't know what to do as well as you who was also completely clueless.

Ditching the fancy restaurant plan, the two of you end up in the park—again. It was nice though, you get to talk with him and play with him, overall it was a fun night.

That's when you thought that Jaemin indeed was a great guy and maybe choosing to be with him was the right choice.

But—things went downhill after that.

The next couple of dates were rushed and was unplanned. It happened almost everywhere. The park, the campus. Most times, it happened at Mcdonald's.

You would wait there for at least an hour before Jaemin arrives, the both of you will just catch up and talk but after that—Jaemin would immediately leave.

It was that time where things were crazy busy cause midterms were coming and your schedule and his were not-so alike to each other.

Due to that, you can't really complain. You expected him to give more time to you at the dorms since it was the only place that the two of you could hang out without interruptions.

But instead—he kept on locking himself inside of his room.

Haechan actually cleaned his room the first two weeks into the month so Jaemin got to move in to his room in a swift.

You don't want to overthink about it, but you can't help it.

But it was somehow—you were being treated differently.

If you were to compare yourself to his ex, which was Oh Miri. He used to be out frequently with the reason of he was going to see Miri.

You wanted to believe that it was because of the midterms that was causing you this overthinking but at the same time—it also makes sense.

There was this part of you that was screaming that this was wrong, and another is telling you that Jaemin was really at fault.

It's giving you a headache.

You just want to get over with this and talk to him, the more you kept your mouth shut, the more you get these thoughts.

You just—want it to stop.

A knock on the door caused you to stop floating in your thoughts. And speaking of the devil, there was Jaemin, peeking his head through the small gap of the door.

You raised your eyebrow at him giving him the look of 'what?'.

He completely understood and went inside of your room. You were confused as to why the heck was he dressed?

"Want to go out?" He asks, placing his palms in his pockets.

You furrowed your eyebrows, surprised that he wasn't 'busy' nor locking himself. "Aren't you busy?" You answered with a question.

He shrugs. "Nah, I have two hours, come on." He said pulling your arm as usual.

You panicked, would this guy really want to go out when he was fully dressed and you aren't? You were wearing a tank top and shorts for pete's sake.

You pulled you arm from him and he looked at you surprised. "You prick! You really want me to go out in this?" You widened your eyes at him, pointing at your clothing which was embarrassing.

He straightened his posture and looks at you from top to bottom, as if he was evaluating you.

"It looks fine to me." He says in confusion.

You face-palmed yourself. Was this guy really dumb or what. Whatever it is you aren't going out in this state.

"Uh-uh, I ain't going out like this," You pushed him out of the room, "now sir please kindly leave the room, I need to change." You sarcastically said in a sing-song voice.

"I could just stay there you know." Jaemin smirks at you, raising his eyebrows in an up and down motion.

You glared at him.

"Okay okay! But make it quick!"

"Whatever!" You slammed the door in his face, quickly making your way to your closet.

Exactly as what you thought, everything still hasn't changed except for the fact that you two are together now.

You pulled out an t-shirt in frustration. Leaning against the closet you thought of ways to tell Jaemin.

Cause you weren't staying silent anymore, you were done.

This overthinking has to end.

"What do you mean?" Jaemin asks you, his eyebrows shot towards the ceiling.

You can't believe him.

"What do you mean you don't know Jaemin? Are you that oblivious to not see how frustrated am I?," you rage at him, jaws clenching, " Or or—you're pretending to not know anything?" You can't help but raise your voice at him.

Not caring about the people who had their eyes on the both of you.

Jaemin slightly bows his head as a way to apologize to the other customers who were also inside the establishment, hoping that they would start to mind their own business before he talks to you.

He looks at you in frustration, he was clearly holding himself from erupting like an volcano. It wouldn't be good if he as well would throw his anger.

"Y/n look, we can talk about this just please—" he looks around the people close to your table, "not here."

You massaged your temples, calming yourself cause you might not be able to the next time around.

You sighed. "I'm so fed up with this Jaemin. I don't want to think about it this way hence the reason why I stayed silent but—I can't take it anymore." You respond to him.

Jaemin remained silent, as if he was asking you the other for more details.

"I-i just don't know what to do about this anymore, I know you're busy and all that but at least—at least make time for me, please make me feel that i'm now your girlfriend Jaemin." You closed as you feel tears form around them.

Jaemin's face softened, he was guilty that he didn't know you were feeling this way. "Y-yn...you are my girlfriend." He mumbles.

"Well yeah?" You raised your eyebrow at him, "I don't feel like it. I still feel like im the y/n who was your bestfriend, not y/n as your girlfriend." You confessed to him.

He was shock at the very least. Jaemin was completely clueless, he might've gotten himself a bit too engrossed with the fact that the exams were coming and—set aside your relationship.

"Y/n I swear, that's not what it is—"

"But it is Jaemin," you cut him off, "I want to be treated as your girlfriend. I want to go to amazing dates, be gifted with flowers you know?"

"I-i thought you didn't like those?" Jaemin questions.

Must be because you were uncomfortable during that first date. But you doesn't mean that you didn't like it!

"I do Jaemin! I just to experience that I'm now your girlfriend, because from the looks and feels of it—it isn't." you repeat.

The both of you stayed silent for a while, not having any more to say.

You decided, it must be good for the both of you to breath out some air before talking about this once again.

You stood up, ready to leave that damned Mcdonald's when Jaemin grabbed your wrist.

"Where are you going?"

You showed him the time. "2 hours is up, you're busy right?" You grinned sarcastically at him, your smile immediately fading as you packed your things.

Jaemin was flustered, he didn't know what else to say but he was sure that the both of you need to talk this out.

"We need to talk about this Y/n." His grip on your wrist, insisting that you should stay.

You pulled your wrist from him, grabbing your purse.

"We'll talk when you finally realize that I'm now your girlfriend, not your best friend who you can treat like shit." You remarked, immediately leaving the place with fast steps.

Leaving Jaemin dumbfounded in his seat.

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[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[shhh-no-ones-home]

night watchmen josh balz x reader

+++++++++ Song: diamond girl by set it off

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee +++++++++

I sat on the couch in silence, leant over, my elbows digging into my thighs as I propped my head up on my hands. I had come home early to surprise my fiance but he was nowhere to be found. i was hoping to get him and head out for a date on the town but now i had been sitting here for an hour by myself, three glasses of wine deep, and no text back. this sucked. it was slowly creeping up on seven o'clock and i couldnt help but check my phone over and over again, but still nothing. i sighed and sat back, slouching into the couch.

"fuck this."

i said before standing up, freezing in my tracks as the front door unlocked. i heard laughing and got confused before he pushed the door fully open, him walking in with a tall thin woman tucked under his arm. when she saw me she stopped, looking to him for answers.

"baby?"

he asked, also confused.

"youre home early."

i tucked my phone into my pocket and nodded.

"yeah, if you would have answered my text three hours ago you wouldve known that."

i said sarcastically.

"i was hoping we could go out on a date but it looks like you did that already."

he pulled his arm off her shoulders and stood there uncomfortably.

"baby its not what you think-"

he started and i held my hand up.

"no, youre right, what it looks like is you moving out."

i said firmly.

"baby please."

He tried to protest. i shook my head, pulling my engagement ring off and pressing it into his hand.

"you have till tomorrow to get your shit out of my house and then im changing the locks. if you need me ill be at josh's, calling the landlord and taking you off the lease."

i said walking past him to our room. i texted josh as quickly as i could and began packing. as i stuffed clothing into a bag i tried so hard to fight the tears back. we had been together for three years. what happened to all that time? i guess it didnt matter anymore. i guess it didnt for either of us. the truth is i wasnt even that heartbroken. at some point i think i stopped loving him too, it just didnt matter till now. it didnt matter till i was faced with the truth of it all. now i had to deal with that. when i walked back out into the living room he was standing there alone, a sad look on his face. he reached out for me as i made my way to the door.

"wait, baby, can we please talk about this?"

he said and i turned to look at him.

"there is nothing to talk about."

he laughed in disbelief.

"yes there is, just hear me out."

i shook my head.

"no, i dont want to hear anything from you right now. other than maybe how long this has been going on and if you still love me, that i think i deserve to know."

he dropped his gaze to the floor in shame.

"no, i dont."

i nodded.

"and ive been seeing a few different women for the last year."

i closed my eyes tightly for a second.

"so when you proposed to me and said all those things, you didnt mean any of it?"

he slowly shook his head, looking to me with a sad look on his face. i blinked slowly, turning back to the door and reaching for the handle.

"good, cause i dont think i did either."

i said harshly as i pulled the door open, stepping out into the cool night air and closing it behind me. for the first time in forever i could just breathe, relax, revel in freedom. this was a feeling i missed. being with him felt like a trap for so long. i sighed in relief as i saw josh's car pull up in front of the house, making me smile for the first time today. he got out of the car, a look of pity strewn across his features. i practically ran to him, him hugging me tightly to his body and rubbing my back gently.

"you okay?"

he asked and i nodded into his shoulder.

"i am now."

i said softly as he pulled away. he ran his hands down my arms, examining my face before opening the passenger door.

"lets get out of here."

°°°°°°°°°

as i sat on joshs couch i sipped the coffee he had offered and waited for him to come back from the kitchen. the dogs were sitting in a blanket about a foot away from me, staring in my direction. usually they were all over me but maybe they knew something was wrong.

"sorry that took so long."

josh said walking in behind me, another mug in his hand.

"its fine, nothing im not used to."

i let out a soft laugh as he sat, sending me an apologetic look.

"so, uh, do you wanna talk about it?"

he asked and i shrugged.

"i dont even know what there is to talk about now. its over. if im honest it was kind of over a long time ago."

he placed his hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly.

"im sorry it ended up this way for you y/n. i know you said months ago that you didnt think this would last. but i never even wouldve imagined it would happen like this."

i side nodded before taking a sip of the coffee.

"you and me both."

i said, raising my brows.

"are you gonna be okay?"

i sighed, slouching into the back of the couch.

"thats the thing josh. every part of me says i should be sad. i should be mad. hell maybe even a little vengeful. but im not. i dont really feel anything other than annoyed."

he raised a brow in confusion.

"annoyed?"

i nodded lightly.

"i guess im just fed up with the fact that i waisted three years of my life. three years of time and emotion. three years i couldve been looking for an actual partner and friend. looking for someone who actually cares about me."

he cleared his throat.

"someone like me?"

i sent him a small smile.

"maybe."

he smiled back at me, knowingly.

"its not like we havent been flirting the past few months. when you called me i was almost expecting you to tell me you had ended things with him and you were gonna come running into my arms. ya know, like those shitty fairytale fantasy type things."

i couldnt help but laugh.

"honestly i think i wanted to but it didnt feel right. besides, i dont think it wouldve been appropriate to kiss you in front of him considering he had been cheating on me. that wouldnt exactly look good on paper."

he laughed a little too at that.

"yeah but whats keeping us from doing that now?"

i sent him a look.

"i dont know."

he side nodded.

"im single, youre single, we're too grown adults who have been slightly pining after each other for a few months."

i nodded back.

"all valid points."

i said, inching towards him. he looked down to my lips, inching closer too.

"then theres nothing keeping us apart anymore."

i looked over his eyes.

"i think youre exactly right."

i said softly, shutting my eyes as he closed the gap between us, connecting our lips. it was a lot softer then i had dreamed it to be and he tasted like caramel. it was quick though. when he pulled away we both smiled at each other like idiots.

"why did that take us so long?"

he said through a laugh and i shook my head.

"i have no idea."

i said before pulling him in for another kiss, this time much deeper and smoother, as if that were possible. he hummed into my mouth, bringing his hand around to the back of my head and holding me to him. when we both pulled away again he rested his forehead against mine, keeping his eyes closed.

"god i wish i wouldve done that forever ago."

i smiled at him as he opened his yes, pecking him quickly on the lips.

"god i do too."

we both laughed lightly for a second, him pulling me closer to him.

"y/n?"

he said, taking my hand in his.

"yeah?"

i asked.

"will you be mine?"

i let out a relieved laugh.

"yeah."

he brought his free hand up to stroke my cheek gently.

"i promise ill treat you so much better."

i sat back and held up my pinkie.

"promise?"

i asked and he sent me a knowing smile, connecting our fingers.

"promise."

[goldenfawnwriting]

Im Not Enough

A/N: Basing this one off the song July by Noah Cyrus, it’s what inspired me and I also painted a watercolor postcard to the song of Tsukki so thats what this is all about lmao

I’ve been holding my breath

I’ve been counting to ten 

Over something you said 

I’ve been holding back tears

While you’re throwing back beers

I’m alone in bed

You tossed and turned in bed, you couldn’t sleep if it saved your life. You were just too stressed. Tsukki never failed to upset you some days, he just had this way of picking up on your mood and finding the words to make it even worse. He attacked all of your weak spots and you honestly couldn’t tell why he was even with you anymore. You wondered why he hadn’t broken up with you, since he obviously couldn’t stand you.

It had been a week of straight torment everyday. You knew he was stressed with upcoming exams and volleyball prelims but you had tried your best to make it better. You gave him your notes, to which he said were worthless coming from you, you didn’t pay attention anyway. That one hurt. Then you made him fresh strawberries and pudding as a snack before he left for his game. He told you it was too sweet before a game and that he didn’t like it anyway.

You know I, I’m afraid of change

Guess that’s why we stay the same

You wiped tears away. It was nearly midnight. you picked up your phone from your bedside table, tapping against the screen to wonder if Tsukki was still awake. He probably was, he usually stayed up late studying but, did you really want to bother him? Would that be a mistake? You sent the text anyway.  

20 minutes later you hadn’t gotten a reply only a notification saying he had read it. With that, you concluded that he didn’t want to be bothered. You decided to text him again anyway.

So tell me to leave, 

I’ll pack my bags, get on the road

find someone who loves you better than I do

Darling, I know

Cause you remind me everyday I’m not enough

But I still stay

‘Tsukki we need to talk.’

You sent. He took a minute, before you got a ping as he replied.

‘About what.”

He replied. You sighed before beginning to type.

‘you don’t care for me anymore tsukki. I can’t do this anymore. It feels like you hate me anymore and I can’t do anything right.’

He took a while to reply before there was another ping.

‘I don’t hate you.’

Thats all he had for you. All he had to say.

Feels like a lost cause

just trying to get by, while we’re dying inside

I’ve done a lot of things wrong

loving you being one

But I can’t move on

‘You don’t love me either’

You retorted. It took him awhile again.

‘I do.”

‘you don’t act like it’

You were crying at this point, tears silently slipping down your cheeks. You wiped them away with your sleeve but Tsukki didn’t reply.

When you saw him at school the next day you didn’t meet him at his locker before class like you usually did every morning. It always seemed to bother him anyway, so you skipped it. You didn’t notice as you made your way to homeroom but, his eyes followed you all the way down the hallway until you turned into your classroom. He didn’t understand why you didn’t meet him at his locker. You always did. Even if he complained you always were there, every morning.

Were you really that upset? He wondered if there was something else wrong. Did something happen that you weren’t telling him about? Was someone bothering you? Was someone saying something to you?

He was going to go to your class and see you before the day started but he didn’t want to bother you. Maybe you needed space, then you’d talk to him at lunch. You two always sat together so surely he’d see you.

But when lunch rolled around you didn’t meet him at your usual spot on the roof. He sat on the bench and didn't even eat. He was too busy waiting for you to remember he had food.

You know I, I’m afraid of change

Guess thats why we stay the same

He found you in the front courtyard, talking to a girl he didn’t know. Maybe it was one of your friends but he never took the time to actually know them. 

“Y/n.”

He called. You gave him a look, your eyes glazed over, your face straight, like you were void of emotion at all. It was like you didn’t know him or something.

“Did you need something?”

You asked, your tone stabbing him in the gut. It was like you were inconvenienced by his presence. Like he just interrupted something incredibly more important. 

“U-uh ya..”

The friend walked away, giving him a weird look. He was majorly confused. 

So tell me to leave,

I’ll pack my bags, get on the road

find someone who loves you better than I do

Darling, I know

Cause you remind me everyday I’m not enough

But I still stay

If you want me to leave, then tell me to leave

And baby I’ll go

He really wasn’t sure what to say.

“Why didn’t you come for lunch? You didn’t even see me this morning.”

You sighed, like you were annoyed. 

“Oh, you wanted me to?”

He didn’t know how to reply.

“Well... You’re still coming to practice right?”

He asked. You turned away, picking up your things from the bench by the tree.

“I don't know, I’m kinda busy after school.”

You mumbled, starting to walk away from him. 

“Y-Y/n, you always come to-”

“I’m busy Tsukishima.”

He went silent at the use of his full name. What were they, strangers? There was definitely something up with you.

You remind me every day 

I’m not enough but I still stay 

He skipped practice for the first time ever after school. Instead he walked you home, letting himself in after you. He greeted your mother who just shot him a sad look before following you into your room and shutting the door behind you. 

“You never skip practice.”

You pointed out emotionlessly. He stood by the door as you sat at your desk silently. 

“Y/N what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been acting different-”

You finally broke, your anger seeping into your words.

“Different? That’s weird huh?”

He gave you a weird look. What was with the sarcasm?

“Yes..”

He mumbled. He didn’t know how to reply.

“I guess you don’t like being treated the same way you treat me. Nonchalance, annoyance, like you aren’t worth my time.”

“I-I dont-”

“Don’t start.”

He recognized the words he had said to you many times. Don't start. It always shut you down before you got a word out.

“Don’t be like that Y/N-”

“I’m trying to study Tsukishima.”

“Stop calling me that!”

“It’s your name.”

“You don’t call me that though.”

You rolled your eyes, his signature move when dealing with you. He felt his throat closing up and tears pricking his eyes but he swallowed them, refusing to acknowledge his fear. 

“I’m done chasing after you. I’ve done quite enough of that already. If you don’t want to be bothered by me then you won’t be.”

You choked out. He knew this was hurting you just as much as it was him.

“N-no, I don’t want you to stop-”

“Then act like you like me! Act like I’m not a nuisance! I’m done feeding your ego! I’m so done feeding your god complex!”

You yelled. He flinched. You had never yelled at him before, you never yelled at all before.

“G-god complex?”

“You go around acting like I’m just a stupid girl with a crush that annoys the shit out of you! Like you don’t want me around, like you hate me! No one can even tell we’re dating Tsukishima! If anything they would assume I’m hopelessly devoted to you and you’re just fed up!”

“I’m not fed up...”

He whimpered.

“Then act like it. Or leave me the hell alone.”

You growled, glaring at him with tears brimming your eyes. He wanted to go to you, to hug you but, he didn’t know if that’s what you needed or not. He’d never seen you like this. He went out on a limb anyway, pulling you into his arms, sitting down on your bed and pulling you into his lap. You shoved your face into his jacket, sobbing. 

He didn’t realize he was so cold to you, you always seemed happy about everything, he didn’t even know it bothered you. He sat his head against yours, holding you tight as you cried. One hand moved to take his glasses off and wipe a tear from his eyes as he silently let a few slip by. He would never let you know though. 

Another moment went by before he lifted your chin, pressing a kiss against your lips. He could feel your tears running down onto your lips and he pushed even more passion into the kiss. He heard the little squeak come from you as he pulled you as close as he could, kissing you harder. It was as if he wanted all of his emotions to be said in that one kiss. His hand holding the back of your neck, his other arm wrapped around you tightly. 

He would never come so close to losing you again.