#i need to seriously get out and read more but i'm always so swamped in work and writing

[oh-saints]

fight

rúben dias x you

part of the dad!rúben collection

word count: 1.6k

tw: endometriosis, health issues while pregnant, intrusive paparazis, implied violence

note: hello i'm back from the dead bcs i've absolutely GONE FERAL AT THE THOUGHT OF THIS ashsjklkkjkl but as usual, i happen to write things at dawn so this is certainly not proof-read yet.

similar to any other parents, the moment you and rúben found out you're pregnant sent you both to the moon. for you, it was definitely topping your list of "best moment of my life" by far. and for rúben, it was up there somewhere with the feeling of winning the premier league and the feeling when you walked down the aisle, looking regal in white only for him.

but probably more meaningful for you and rúben because in all honesty, you've been trying to have a baby for almost 2 years now.

your earlier issue with endometriosis didn't allow you to naturally conceive as easy as other wives and girlfriends of rúben's teammates, or as any other healthy women in general. you were actually at the brink of giving up and were actively discussing adoption with your husband, who is nothing more than supportive at the decision, bless him.

rúben being himself, though, had a way of predicting the future. that's your simplified explanation but in professional jargons, one of the reason pep bought him from benefica; his ability to read the game.

your husband suggested for another honeymoon, during the time he was injured, before he'd get swamped with matches again and you'd be busy with the whole adoption procedure. it was a weekend gateway to st barths, a place you both have never been, but the beauty took your breath away. but even more for rúben because goddamn, that man could speak words without actually using words. he's more expressive when his body takes control of the whole speaking thing, and you've never felt so loved and grateful to have found the meaning of love in rúben dias.

and to be loved by him, surely didn't lie. the 2 lines of the test kit stared back at you like they were meant to be taken seriously, like it was supposed to tell you to get a grip of your life instead of gaping so wide at it your mouth could've sucked it in. rúben had to knock on the door to make sure you were alright and didn't slip on anything because you tend to be clumsy—he’d made a habit to check up on you whenever you’re in a bathroom for more than 15 minutes because of your reckless nature.

after endless failed test, you truthfully didn’t know what to do. this kind of result never came to you. so you just opened the door, in hope he’d know what to do—he always does, usually. only to be met by your husband’s concerned face because you didn’t slip on anything but went back outside with an aghast face.

“what’s wrong, coração?”

you handed him the test kit wordlessly, with shaky hands at it.

rúben looked down to see what it was because he’d never actually seen the test kit. you’d always hide in a bathroom and come out shaking your head, and you never let him buy them on his own. why would you—

“what—”

rúben looked up to you and you were already brimming in tears, a silent confirmation he needed. “we’re going to the doctor. now.”

at first, he did it because he wanted to confirm it himself, that the test kit wasn’t lying. but on the second thought, should you be truly pregnant, the purpose of the trip to the hospital was to make sure your pregnancy needs are met and you’ll have a safe and sound journey until you bring the product of rúben’s love for you to the world.

but of course, life being life didn’t give you everything smoothly as expected.

if you want it, earn it kind of life had been rúben’s way of life so when the doctor told you both that you’ll face some dangers throughout the 9-month journey, rúben gained another purpose in life outside football. to flash a fuck you to world, for they can’t let you and rúben have a peaceful moment in life.

rúben made sure to get home early so he’d cook you dinner during your bedrest period on the first trimester, shocking everyone in the etihad perimeter because he always is the first one to come and the last one to leave. he arranges catering for your lunch on top of it all so you don’t have to cook when he’s not home. he flies your mum and his to be there with you on the days he has a match to go to. he keeps a book to track all your craving and blood pressure, as well as a sketchbook for the baby journey “so we can take a look at it again when they’re grown up.”

you and rúben agreed not to let anyone know beside your immediate family the moment you stepped out of the fragile period, as a precaution, having the taste of public eyes first hand. the moment you announce it to the world, your safe space would and should be compromised.

thus, your baggy apparels whenever you come to rúben’s home matches. it wasn’t often, only once a month or only when the big matches are around the corner. the fanbases and fan accounts still talk about your fashion, with coats and cute jackets and everything, and thankfully none of them has noticed your changing preference from high-waist jeans and wool skirts.

but rúben scores a fantastic header and you see no reason not to jump from your seat. you know he’s been working so hard on set pieces and his headers, only now does it pay off. ivan has to remind you to sit down and not overdo yourself because “rúben will kill me if anything happens to you.”

however, the camera catches your celebration and in less than 5 minutes, your phone rings like the world’s ending. well in a way, it is.

everyone called netizens immediately shoots out their fire, on the speculation you might be pregnant. some congratulate you already, some believe your pregnancy is the reason rúben’s scoring and his gigantic performances as of late, some criticizes you, some questions your decision to come to the match like you’re not carrying rúben’s world. your head aches not long after scrolling down the internet that ivan had to submit rúben upstairs to your box instead of you coming down to the tunnel like usual.

your husband crouches in front of you as soon as he sees your deflated figure, eyes closed in resignation. that’s when he knows the intensity level has reached emergency status because he knows you well and he knows you’re strong enough for both of you to make it through a catastrophe—it’s the reason he’s adamant to marry you anyway—so the word fucking hell escaped his mouth before he even realised it himself.

they didn’t say anything as he shared you his tightest hug, the kind you love the most after a tiring day at work. had she said one word about killing those people behind the screen, he would’ve done so in a heartbeat. only when you pull away, indicating you’re now good to go home, does rúben let go of you and the issue at hand.

he tells you to head to the car first because he needs to pick up his bag from the locker room. but that decision would hunt him down for life, as he watched you being swarmed and surrounded by reporters on the parking lot, camera shoved up on your face and flashes and clicks blinded your vision that you steps on your own feet and fall down.

the idiots don’t stop harassing her, though.

rúben’s feet had never run faster than that moment. pep might be calling him a deceit for never being able to break sprint records. and thank god he was a footballer, a centre back at that, so pushing and shoving people out of his way is within his job description.

rúben lifts his wife from the ground, and the shattering sound of his heart don’t escape him as he notices you’re in the position to protect their child even when you’re in danger herself from the ambush. he brings this to you, he brings this to you and his child, and rage takes over at the thought they both shouldn’t have suffered this side of rúben’s professional life.

if these brainless fuckers are suing him for collateral damages on the cameras he throw to the asphalt, rúben’s so ready to hire a hitman on each and every head count.

rúben doesn’t see anything else than red and only when he’s done strapping the seatbelt on you, you bring him back to life like natasha romanov brings back hulk to serenity. you hold him by his face, staring him down like he’s not capable of bloodbath until his breaths return to normalcy.

“enough, my love.”

and all the sudden, there was the calm, collected rúben you married 3 years ago. the one who loves you when you brush the strands escaping his perfectly styled hair after the match, so you do it and he rests his head on your palm when you’re done tucking the strands back in and hands now tracing his unshaved stubbles.

even when you’d just been tackled down, you’re the one who saves him. he’s not wrong at all about you being the stronger one for the 3 of you, strong enough for the family you both are building. and with the thought you have to still play death with god later during labour, he can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.

“te amo, meu amor,” he brings his head closer to yours to feel his world on his hands. “always and forever.”

[pomefioredove]

Tbh I was reading the matchup info and now I have an idea for a fic 😂😂😂

But Seriously I really love your writings. I've been having a shitty time and when I read your stuff it gets better and mellows me out ❤️

Personality wise: I can be pretty calm, but I also have my exciting/ manic moments. Like cleaning my room at 3am (cries in bd sleeping schedule). People say I'm nice, and have a good energy. But if someone pushes me (metaphorically) I will push back. I can be petty if I get fed up enough. I get depressed easily and sometimes have trouble expressing myself. Which is weird because I kind of am the therapist friend. I don't talk about my feelings or self often. Sometimes I scare my friends unintentionally, like dropping random tidbits of my life that might sound or be a little traumatic. (I.e. that reminds me of the time my mom told me she would beat my ass if I cleaned her room wring again.) I can be pretty lazy, I sleep A LOT. I am a feminist, who is pretty used to red flags in people.

Interests/ Hobbies: I love reading and trying new art stuff. I am an English major and like learning about the dirty and scary sides of History. My favorite books to read right now are classical literature and disturbing horror books. Art wise I've been trying to get into air dry sculptures. I love to crochet. And when I feel like it I can cook and bake. Sometimes I roller skate, like once in a blue moon. I have trouble with homework sometimes, I can get really distracted. When I'm really tired I won't eat. I have body issues too (thanks mom 🥲). I used to be a vegetarian for almost 10 years. I stopped a couple years ago.

Relationship wise: I like people who are competent. Like, someone who knows their way around the house or are willing to learn. I like feminists. I don't like people who yell at me. When I get into a relationship, love bombing and honeymoon phase stuff kinda turn me off ngl. (Like why r you so free on a regular Tuesday afternoon. I give you butterflies? Digest them, want some pesto bismol? Here.) Ngl, it's like why should I have to come back from a full day of work/school and clean up after you and/or make dinner.

Lifestyle wise: No lie I have depression and anxiety and it can get pretty bad. There are times where I can't take care of myself as well as I wish. I will cry, if someone makes fun of me for it. I try to keep my area clean, when I get back from work/school I clean up a little then crash. I try to deep clean on weekends if I'm not swamped from school.

Specifics: No first or second years pls

Ty 💖💖💖

I match you with 𝐕𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐭

The First Impression:

One might assume that the first thing Vil notices in a person is their style, or their physical features, or even their body language.

Not really.

Vil absolutely judges people based on their competency, their skill, their dedication to themselves and their passions. And he can absolutely see that in you.

Why He Fell:

What initially attracts Vil is the challenge. He's always looking for new potential, and he can tell that you're both skilled and committed enough to meet his standards- but there's something holding you back. You're quite different from his past potatoes, and he's more than capable of taking a different approach to your case, one without the need for harshness.

Vil isn't one to pry, though he's able to piece together your situation from the random tidbits you drop on him, and soon, his pet project becomes more of a mission. Can't take care of yourself right now? That's fine, he'll do it for you. He'll find a way to create a perfectly manageable routine, fix your sleep schedule, help you with homework, and slowly ease you into a healthier lifestyle with him by your side.

Though he'd never admit it, Vil really likes the feeling of being needed, not just wanted. And, in time, he finds himself needing you and your company just as much.

The Relationship:

You cannot get more competent than Vil Schoenheit. Experience or not, he's a master at navigating relationships, and is more than willing to help you in that regard, as well. He's there at your best and worst, as you are for him- Vil considers the partnership very equal, and would never in a million years dream of upsetting that balance.

(Quite honestly, Vil doesn't want to be treated like an incompetent manchild who can't do anything for himself and he's glad you're on the same page)

He very much appreciates and admires your skillset, interest in learning new things, and your dedication to your passions (one isn't just vegetarian for ten years without some commitment, after all), and sees you as compatible in that regard.

It's a very mature and balanced relationship, one in which you don't even have to imagine him lovebombing or taking you for granted or acting childish. He certainly has his moments, but such is being human.

[miscelunaaa]

I know you’re less active on here nowadays but I hope you’re doing well, esp since I think I saw you mention at some point you were in the middle of a very busy holiday season while getting back to a more regular work schedule, among other things. While I’m always looking forward to Large Joon Fic updates (seriously, my favorite name for it, even though Sacrificial is also lovely and becoming even more meaningful as the story wraps up), I hope you’re taking care of yourself, doing whatever makes you happy in the meantime and finding a better balance of all the things.

IT WILL ALWAYS BE LARGE JOON FIC IN OUR HEARTSSSSS

Ah, my goodness. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. When I'd started posting it, my goal was to have it done posting before the end of the year, and yet, here we are, in 2023, and I still have four chapters to go. Shit happens, to be honest.

When I started doing freelance editing, I had multiple existential crises because for months, I couldn't get anyone to take a chance on me. And like, y'all know how much I beta read. It's something I'm confident in doing. But know one wants to hire a person with zero paid experience. And then suddenly, a person did. And then another, and another, and suddenly I have a handful of repeat clients who not only like how I do my job but actually give a shit and pay me for my opinions on writing. Like what the fuck right?? I'm still in shock tbh.

I started posting Sacrificial around the same time I started looking for work, so watching these two parts of my life work together in tandem like this has been really strange, but also like, so important. Even when I'm like swamped in deadlines (like I am this week), getting a comment on Sacrificial, or any other fic, for that matter, reminds me that I can only do what I'm doing right now because of what this community has given me. And that shit started with me drafting Sacrificial in 2021.

idk I've been thinking about it a lot, mostly because fuuuuuck I need to get ch 17 out soon because I'm anxious to hear people's thoughts on what happens during it. I'm just so bad at managing my time alksjdhflaksjdh

BUT. I'm learning!! I'm so so thankful that I've got folks like you, who are patient and gracious about my slowness. Truly, it means the world to me. I know I'm a broken record about that shit but like I don't feel like I can say it enough tbh. This community, for all the times that it makes me want to rip my hair out, is made infinitely richer by having folks like you in it :) folks like you are why I'm still here at all.

Anyway that's enough feelings for a Friday. I appreciate you so much, Sim!!!!!! Thank you so much for writing in! I'm figuring my shit out slowly, and I'm so thankful for you <3

[darkx-the-dragon-kn1ght]

Chapter 31- Part 1

Alright, so first things first: getting my usual team back in order.

In addition to giving Crater her Quick Claw back and Prong her Zoom Lens, I decided to switch the Protective Pads from Glare to Riptide. The other Quick Claw isn't really doing anything for him, and needless to say he's much more likely to use a physical move on a Pokémon with a Rocky Helmet or Rough Skin than Glare. So now-

Yeah, there it is! New location, here we go!

New place! New green! New trees! New dirt! It's the little things that make me excited to explore.

Hmm…very swampy, this place. We can probably walk on those…green bits, but let's pick up this item first.

Oh, I like it! Also, I'm noticing this music seems to be yet another Sea of Time remix, different from the one used for Apophyll. I don't even think it's GlitchxCity this time? I don't know, it just sounds like Through the Sea of Time.

And, uh…oh, come on now, now they've got orange Poké Balls? First those white ones in the Underroot, now this? What could that be?

Okay, we can walk on these, doesn't seem to negatively affect us in any way, very good.

And now…well, there's something glowing in the puddle, obviously. But more importantly, I see another orange item Ball over there, so I can actually see what those are all about!

Ooooh, they're Foongus! I get it, they're orange to differentiate them from the regular item Balls! I don't remember it being that way in Black/White or Black 2/White 2, but you do you.

I also notice there's a new Field here- probably something to do with the swamp.

Now, to check what I'm guessing is an actual item of some kind.

Cain? This is where Ace sent him? I…okay! Yeah, that's a better reason to come here than just because Team Meteor might be here for some strange reason! Proper motivation, let's go!

And a Great Ball! Let's go!!

And a TM- doesn't look like there's anything blocking it, I think I can just walk over and grab it.

Well that's fitting, I'd be shocked if there weren't a bunch of bugs flittering around this swamp, like mosquitoes and gnats and such.

Hmm, that Foongus is suspiciously placed in front of an open space…a hidden item must be there. Let's check it!

Nope, I've been cheated and lied to. Let's just keep exploring.

At least these hidden items are kinder. And now…

A one-way ledge. Guess this is some point of no return- well, there must be some way to return to the boat, but it probably won't be for a little while.

Another mushroom…? Okay, fair, with all the Foongus. Let's just hop down that ledge.

Cheeky, using a Foongus to block the way forward, but I'm just gonna keep siccing Prong on them.

Ah, there's the Healing Shard- guess we know where the next boss fight is happening.

Well that's always handy. But I notice there's another, hidden path behind the trees there, let's see what-

…Well that's just anticlimactic.

Of all the Seeds to find here- I would have expected a Telluric Seed instead.

The Field Effect Read-Out…I need it. I need you.

More mushrooms? Really? Okay…I see an upper path up there, not sure right now how to get there though.

Oh wait, actually- if I go over here…yeah, I think this is it!

Okay that Foongus has to be guarding a hidden item, no doubt about it.

...Seriously, what are these green things Xera's been walking on? They don't look like lily pads, so...what? Submerged trees and/or bushes? Thick clumps of water weeds? Concerning algae growths?

Next

[mrpenguinpants]

hey! I just saw your response (I totally get being bad with response times lmao) I’m actually just coming back from taking a break so all of my work is embarrassing and bad but once I get back into writing fully I’ll be sure to show you some of my works lmao

-Cae🍭 (or Cae anon)

(laughs but then cries at how bad I am at response times but I’m glad you understand my suffering haha) 

Ohh, welcome back^^ I always try and vouch others to take breaks but I totally get that feeling of looking back on your past works and feelings your spine liquify. I look at my very very old quotev account and I want to cry. We don’t speak about that. I know I have messages on that but I refuse to open Pandora’s box. 

Yayy, I’ll be patiently waiting^^ I’ve got a couple of fics sent to me and I’m really loving them. Surprisingly, I don’t really read a lot of genshin things. Only a few from what my friend’s write but it’s sorta hard to explain? But I’m totally open to it. In fact I just read this one recently and I actually really like it. It’s lowkey kinda sad tho so be warned. Everyday is suffering for adepti. 

ty to @vinyl04 for sending this to me 💕💕  https://archiveofourown.org/works/29379828

[dragonjadearts]

The problem with the idea of trying to prescribe realism to a dragon is that on the size that most fiction give them, they would have to not only have hollow bones like birds but they couldn’t possibly have scales that are as tough as fiction allows. This is why when discussing flight mechanism I always handwave as “Dragons have magic” in my head. Specifically as the square-cube law would indicate that a creature of that size A) Wouldn't be able to sustain itself and B) would end up crushing itself under it's own weight.

The same for firebreathing, however I DID enjoy how Terry Pratchett had his swamp dragons, in that they can rearrange their "internal plumbing", guts, stomach, other miscellaneous tubes, to make the best use of what they have eaten, and to make the hottest flame they can (With the unfortunate side effect of being as unstable as a moonshine still.)

Now going beyond that, I have a few responses to your ideas!

The first and most common offender is the length of the wing membrane. The function of the membrane is (more or less) to catch the wind/air and act as a giant sail to lift the creature into the sky. This is why it’s SO bothersome when the membrane on dragon designs only attaches to the tiniest part of the dragon’s torso, most of the time it doesn’t ever go past their hips! This is unrealistic! They need the lift provided by the wings to hoist their rear ends into the sky and support their tails, especially of they’re particularly back-heavy, which a lot of dragons probably would be. Generally speaking, most dragons should have membranes that extend all the way to at LEAST halfway down their tail-lengths in order to provide the necessary support while flying

You mean like this?

If the wings are ever smaller than this, than someone is doing something seriously wrong.

Also something inside of me chuckled with the phrase “Back heavy Dragons”

Another annoyance to look out for are the elbow spikes. While elbow spikes look cool in theory, they present a LOT of issues when it comes to flying (not the least of which is how not to stab yourself when folding your wings). Dragons would probably fly one of two ways: like a giant pterosaur gliding off of warm updrafts on sail-like wings, or genuine powered flight.

I always liked the idea of there being dragons that did both, so certain dragon species were more often to glide off and others that had the full proper genuine powered flight where they could take off from a stand-still

Can you explain the elbow spikes thing a bit more? I’m not exactly sure what you’re meaning by that.

The final annoying thing (I promise I’m almost done, I’m just a huge nerd I’m so sorry) is the broken fingers dilemma.

Don’t put yourself down like that. I enjoyed reading your response.

I'm looking at Smaug here, mostly, but he's not the only dragon to do this

I haven’t seen the live action hobbit movie, as I have a certain hatred for books being turned into movies (Actually, funnily enough this cermented after the LOTR movies came out) but looking at pictures, that’s a Wyvern which while they are dragons, they aren’t Dragons, I can’t really explain it any better than that.

We can see that the wing is actually more or less one really long and weirdly-shaped hand with a regular wrist, and fingers that extend outwards from that. Most dragons typically feature a claw-like “thumb.”

Oh I know what you mean with this one! I’m guessing people look at a winged creature and their brain goes “How can they walk without hands on the wings.” then proceed to give them something that wouldn’t actually help.

A lot of people design dragons, wyverns in particular, like birds when they should really be designing Wyverns like bats, or pterodactals as you mentioned

Okay okay, I don’t know if any of this is decipherable out of my nonsensical rambling, but I’ve got to get ready for class now, so my thoughts on fire-breathing will have to wait until later lol

I would love to hear your explaination regarding fire breathing!

In response to your other ask, it's totally fine with me either way if you respond with asks or reblogs! It's totally up to you!

And I agree, a lot of trying to ascribe "realism" to dragons is hand-wavey at best and downright impossible at worst, but it certainly doesn't hurt to try and at least draw inspiration from real-life sources, if not for the sake of perfectly accurate realism than at least for fun!

As for the elbow spikes, I'm talking about these kinds of things here

In theory, the most logical thing for them to be is an extension of the olecranon, which is the curved part of the ulna that extends off the end of the bone. It serves as a lever for extending the arm and as a start for the tricep muscles. Having a big bony spike sticking off the back end of it would seriously limit the dragon's range of movement in terms of flight, and with already dodgy physics, the poor dragon needs all the help it can get. No need to make it more difficult than it needs to be

Also, as a side note. Most of the dragons I'm showing are technically "wyverns," however there's a fundamental flaw with the attempts to morphologically classify dragons into subsets, species, and trying to determine what are "true dragons." Most people tend to consider a true dragon as having four legs for walking, two wings, big, and the ability to breathe fire. However, if we look across mythos and history, historically a "dragon" was really just a massive and really mean snake (Ladon from greek myths, Aphophis from Egypt, Jormagundr from Norse myths, etc.). Trying to classify dragons into subsets like wyverns, lindwyrms, real dragons, etc is an uphill battle because there has never really been a set definition for dragon, especially when one takes into consideration the larger world and their historical and current concepts of dragons.

Additionally speaking, the classic "wyvern" is actually a much more feasible model for what a dragon could look like if it had evolved on our planet thousands or millions of years ago. Modern-day ancestors of mammals and reptiles never evolved to have more than four-functioning limbs at once. Mainly because it's biologically tricky to fit all those bones and muscles in the same place and get them to actually work together the way they're supposed to. The only mammal we have to really do a double-take on to break this rule is the kangaroo, who has a tail that functions almost as a fifth limb in terms of movement. But this is the only significant outlier. Other than that, the only other examples of creatures with six or more legs are bugs which, while they can get to be quite large, are vastly different from the mammal and reptile sources that we usually draw on to conceptualize dragons.

Alright, on to fire-breathing shall we?

Looking at the animal kingdom, we don't actually get a lot of references to draw from (huge surprise I know). There are some bugs that can propel an acid that feels like a burning sensation to human skin. Skunks can contract the glands that contain an oily musk to spray it at threats. And many animals produce methane (a highly flammable gas) as a biproduct of digestion with cows being able to produce significant quantities of it.

The most reasonable approach to fire-breathing is just a really flammable burp. Basically, a dragon would have a second "stomach" to collect gasses from digestion and store them. When threatened (or feeling particularly violent) they could burp out those gases. To ignite them, some people have suggested that dragons could have flint-like teeth that they grind together to create sparks (think Hideous Zippleback from HTTYD, just all on one head). Another possible option is dragons producing a gas that is so flammable that it ignites on contact with air. There are certainly gases that could do this, the only issue would be storing them safely so the dragon doesn't accidentally set its own innards on fire.

Another theory is that the dragons could produce separate chemicals, perhaps storing them in pouches in their cheeks or jaws or necks, and releasing them so that, when combined, they create an explosive fireball. This does have some precedence - at least in theory. There are several chemical experiments that combine two separate chemicals, add some amount of various acids, and you create combustion. This also has the added bonus of being a bit safer for the dragon, as separately the components are more or less harmless so it wouldn't have to worry about setting itself on fire quite as much. Also, whatever acid is required for the reaction to occur we could say could be produced by the dragon's stomach naturally.

One thing that could be used to produce fire in dragons is powdered magnesium. In the right conditions, it can ignite on contact with air, it burns remarkably hot, and is very difficult to put out. The issues here once again come with being able to store it without setting the dragon on fire. Additionally this one also comes with the issue of how to produce it naturally. It's not totally impossible, but it does have some required workarounds

I'd love to hear your theories on fire-breathing if you have them!

[whimsicallyreading]

For Rowaelin Month day 17

 “A sick day”

CW- PTSD, mentions of violence

Aelin considered herself a fortunate person.

She has survived genocide, her family's murders, losing loved ones, slavery, torture, and the Great War. Now she is a queen, a mother, a beloved Mate.

Her life had changed since those bleak days where she'd wondered if she would ever escape captivity—the days when Aelin didn't know if she would ever be free or find love again. Every morning she woke up curled into Rowan's side, and while she drank her morning tea, Aelin could count on her young daughter snuggling into her lap.

Yes, she was swamped most days, but that was normal for a queen. But even the moments between boring meetings brimmed with life and laughter. Rowan's hand on her thigh beneath the table. Fenrys' theatrics when conversation spiraled off-topic. And even the hardened lords thought it was hilarious when their three-year-old princess barged into councils and demanded her mother's attention.

Her family gathered for dinners at the end of every day. Aelin's little family, Fenrys, Emrys, and Malakai were the regular attendees. Aedion, Lysandra, Elide, and Lorcan joined when they were present. It was a time reserved for family only, and it was by far Aelin's favorite part of the day.

Aelin had a good life now. Her family was growing, and her country thrived beneath her rule.

So it always took her by surprise when a bad day came.

She had woken up fine. Delly had slammed open the chamber door with a gust of wind and squirmed herself between her and Rowan in the early morning. Usually, Aelin treasured the moments when her daughter joined them, but being pregnant again had taken a toll on her sleep.

Rowan tried to stop their child before she entirely collapsed onto Aelin but was a moment too slow. Delly flopped onto her mother's chest in a disarray of wrinkled nightgown and golden curls. Soft sobs were sputtering out of the tiny figure.

I'm sorry. Rowan whispered into her thoughts. He knew how hard pregnancy was on her and took his mate's comfort very seriously. It troubled him that their toddling daughter woke Aelin so abruptly.

Aelin blinks the sleep from her eyes and sends him a happy smile to assure him everything is fine.

"What's wrong, Dell?" Aelin soothes a hand up her baby's quaking form.

Adelia sniffles harder, unable to talk through the tears. She'd started to have bad dreams in recent weeks, but never had she been so inconsolable.

Aelin shifts as Adelia's arms tighten uncomfortably around her bump. Rowan sees her discomfort and reaches around to pull Dell to him instead, but it is met with resistance.

"No," Adelia finally wails. "Mama. I want Mama."

Rowan frowns. Adelia was a daddy's girl to the bone, and this was the first time she'd ever refused to go to him. Their daughter squeezes harder and burrows her face into Aelin's torso.

"Dell," Rowan leans next to her and whispers, a cool breeze brushing against her flushed cheek. "What's wrong little love?"

Adelia lifts her head, and Aelin's heart contracts painfully. Her cheeks are red and swollen from the intensity of her crying, little sobs still stumbling from her chest as Rowan settles her down enough to speak.

"Mama was gone. She was hurt, and she couldn't see me." Dell sniffles, her green eyes glassy. "Can you see me, Mama?"

Aelin tugs her daughter in closer, unable to stand the sight of her so sad. "Yes, of course, I can. I'm right here."

"You were in a box. She wouldn't let me see you," Adelia whimpers in a small voice. "She told me she was gonna keep you. I don't want you to go, Mama."

Aelin's face blanches. It wasn't possible. Her little baby couldn't possibly have seen what was coming to her mind. She looks at Rowan, and his face is pinched with worry.

"It's not real, Dell." Rowan uses a thumb to wipe the tears off her cheek.

Adelia flinches. "Uncle Ress told me it was. He told me Mama had got stollen and put into a box by the bad lady and that she should have stayed there."

Aelin's heart stops. Nausea crawls up her throat, and Rowan tugs Adelia away just in time for her to crawl out of bed and gag into a potted plant. The sickness grips Aelin, the shudders in her arms only growing worse with her daughter's mumbled cries.

"Daddy, I want Mama to stay here." Rowan hushes her and murmurs quiet reassurances. "Don't let her get stollen."

Ress had said that? In front of her daughter? Aelin tries to close her eyes against the visions creeping into her mind. The places her scars used to be ache, and her hands pulse with the remembered pain of reconstruction.

The baby in her womb squirms under its mother's stress, and Aelin throws up again.

She should have stayed there.

Cairn brings the hammer down onto her frail knees, the ringing of cracking bone splits the air.

She should have stayed there.

Aelin opens her eyes to endless darkness. Sweet smoke wafts through invisible holes and sends her to sleep- leaving her mind vulnerable to Maeve's manipulations.

She should have stayed there.

More and more memories swarm behind her eyelids until a pair of grounding arms wrap around her shoulders.

"Fireheart, you are home. You are safe. Can you breathe with me?" Rowan sighs loudly behind her shoulder, and Aelin tries to force her own breath out.

Breathing in is harder, but Rowan's scent fills her nose and loosens the binds on her lungs. Soon, Aelin is doing the exercises independently, and Rowan nuzzles his face into her neck. His hands snake under her bump and lift some of the pressure, easing more of her tension.

"There you are," Rowan kisses her cheek as Aelin comes back around. "Are you okay?"

Aelin shakes her head and sinks into his arms. "Can you take me back to bed?"

Her legs feel like jelly, and her stomach is weak from turning. Rowan lifts her with ease. His arms are warm, and he murmurs sweet nothings into her ear as he carries his mate back to their bed.

"Adelia?" Aelin looks around for their daughter.

Rowan pulls back the duvet and reveals the sleepy from nestled right into the middle of the pillows. "She fell back asleep quickly."

"I can't believe Ress told her those things," Aelin can feel a tear slipping down her face. Ress had never forgiven her for her days as Celaena. Darrow had grown to accept her, but Ress never warmed up to having Aelin as his queen despite her efforts.

She hadn't realized the extent his hatred went.

Rowan scowls as he lays Aelin down next to their daughter. "Ress is young and foolish. I have forgiven a lot of his hostility and ignored most of his juvenile antics, but Aelin, I can't forgive this."

"He should never have said those things to Dell." Ress's words linger in her head. She tried to do right by her title and live up to her parent's legacy. Aelin took a lot of pride in listening to the demands of her people and tending to their problems personally. But the odds of Ress being the only one to feel this way are slim. Did they wish she'd never returned? Was she arrogant to take the crown just because it was her inheritance? She'd never had the formal training as ruler and relied a lot on Rowan to help manage foreign affairs. Despite the loss of her fire, many still feared her and considered her a murderer. No matter how hard she tried, Aelin's history as Adarlan's Assassin proceeded her.

Tears burn Aelin's eyes, and Rowan's scowl deepens. "He should have never spoken of you like that at all."

Aelin shakes her head, "It's his right to think what he wants. Maybe he has a point."

"No." Rowan growls, and Dell flinches in her sleep. Taking a deep breath, Rowan softens his voice. "He's wrong, Aelin. Ress was wrong to scare Dell, and he has no right to demean everything you've sacrificed. You've suffered for your people."

"I closed the lock because I had to Rowan," Aelin argues. "That doesn't automatically make me a good queen. What if I'm failing?"

Rowan pulls their duvet up to Aelin's chin, and Dell instinctively snuggles to her mother's side. Her daughter was a leach for warmth, and Aelin could feel her remaining flames writhing in her veins agitated.

"You are a wonderful ruler, Fireheart." Rowan bends down and kisses her lips reverently. "I've met my fair share of emperors, kings, and queens. None of them have given up so much to better the lives of their people. They care for you in return."

Rowan steps away from the bed, and Aelin makes a displeased noise. "Where are you going so early in the morning."

"I'm awake now. I feel like a flight through Oakwald. Go to sleep, and when you wake up, I'll bring my females breakfast," Rowan pulls on a plain white tunic. "Sleep, love. You both need your rest."

Rowan can read her too well. Aelin can feel her eyes drooping despite how much she wants to deny it. "Very well, but there better be tea and pastries."

As Aelin drifts back to sleep, she swears that a mischievous smile passes across her mate's face.

~~~

"Aelin," Maeve twirls a lock of blonde hair in her fingers. "Where are the keys?"

Cairn twists the blade in her thigh again, and Aelin screams, "screw yourself."

Aelin writhes beneath the pain and the dark queen's gaze. Her torturer goes to twist the blade again, but Maeve holds up a hand. "Wait. There is a smarter way to go about this."

"I won't tell you anything," Aelin gasps, the blood seeping from her thigh pools onto the table. "There is nothing you can do."

"Not even to spare the princess?" Maeve smiles as the cell door opens. Connall walks into the room, a squirming girl in his arms.

"Let me go," the girl screams, and the air in the room turns frigid. Her blonde hair whips around as she twists and fights. The little girl's head turns, and she freezes when she catches sight of Aelin. "Mama?"

"Adelia?" Aelin asks, confused. "You can't be here. You aren't supposed to be here." With renewed energy, Aelin thrashes against her bonds and bares her teeth at Maeve.

Maeve takes Adelia from Connall and strokes her hair. "Such a pretty one."

"This isn't real," Aelin hisses. "I wasn't pregnant when you took me. Adelia was born in Terresan."

Maeve hums a sympathetic note, "It seems you're confused." Aelin fights as the dark queen sits with a frozen Adelia in her lap. "Begin again, Cairn."

A hot iron is lain against Aelin's neck, and Adelia's screams rattle the stone chamber.

~~~

Aelin wakes with a gasp. Her chest is seizing in uncontrollable fits, and little hands cup the sides of her face.

"Mama?" Adelia's concerned face hovers over Aelin's. "Why are you crying?"

Relief washes over her at the sight of her daughter, safe and sound. She tries to take deeper breaths, but her body fights against her. The baby in her womb squirms uncomfortably. Aelin feels guilt that they are so subject to her moods. She tries to open her mouth to speak, consol her frightened daughter, but Aelin can't get any words out.

"Daddy!" Dell screams, frightened tears gathering in the corner of her eyes.

Rowan bursts through the door, "Dell?"

Adelia sniffles and kisses Aelin's face sadly, "Daddy, what's wrong with Mama?"

Aelin grabs at her chest, trying to ease the tightness there. She was scaring her daughter. What kind of mother would do that? Rowan sits beside her, and a cool wind goes up her nose and fills her lungs.

"Fireheart," Rowan lifts Adelia and sits beside her. "Is this a sick day?"

It was the code they'd come up with for the days when the past came back to haunt them. When the turmoil in their mind forces their bodies to rebel, and they can't seem to put on their usual facades. It used to shame Aelin, the days she couldn't rise from bed and do her duty. But her mate's unwavering love soon cracked that lie and eased her burden. Rowan had convincing arguments. Aelin's people needed their queen at her best, and on sick days, she wasn't able to give that to them. Their court was strong. They wouldn't allow Terresan to fall while she recovered. Aelin deserved time to heal.

Rowan must have been able to tell that she wouldn't be able to settle herself this time as his winds continued their push and pull in her chest. "Yes," she rasps dejectedly.

Dell buries her face into Rowan's shoulder. Her mate rests a hand on the side of her face and soothes her cheek. "To whatever end, Aelin. We will get through this just as we do everything else."

Rowan kisses the side of Dell's face. "Little love, do you think you can go to the kitchens and have someone bring Mama tea?"

That fae instinct to fuss rears its head in their child. Adelia perks up at the opportunity to do something useful. "Yes!"

Rowan sets her on the floor, and she takes off in a blur of untamed hair and swishing skirts. They wince as a gust of wind slams the doors of their chambers against the wall.

"She's a handful," Rowan talks, aware of the soothing effect his voice has on her. "But we always knew our children would be. I can't wait to see what kind of chaos our son brings into our lives."

Aelin wraps her arms around him as the remnants of her dreams finally fade away. "You think it's a boy?"

"I know so," Rowan pinches her side, and Aelin smiles. He'd also been confident that their first child would be a girl. His smugness after Adelia's birth was unbearable.

"Rowan," Aelin whispers. "Can we just lay here today?"

"I could never deny you anything," Rowan leans against their headboard and kicks off his shoes. "You don't need to ask, Aelin. It's okay to take time for yourself."

"What if I'm just proving Ress right?" The insecurity slips from her lips before she can stop them. "What if there is someone more capable?"

"Ress won't be a problem anymore," Rowan rests a hand against her bump, and the baby withing kicks at it, bringing a smile to his face.

Aelin narrows her eyes, "What have you done?"

"Nothing that anyone will blame me for," Rowan assures. "He would be in a lot more trouble if the rest of the court learned what he said in front of Dell. Ress should be grateful I didn't do a lot worse."

Aelin sighs, "I don't understand why I can't just let it all go. Why do I allow myself to be so haunted?"

"It's not that simple," Rowan shakes his head. "I'm hundreds of years old, and no matter how many years pass, there are things from my past that haven't healed. The mind is different from the body, and sometimes it takes longer for it to recover. There is nothing wrong with that. You gave up everything for the people you loved."

"Because I had to," Aelin contradicts.

A hardness comes over Rowan, "because no one else could."

Rowan rolls over her body into a plank and looks deep into her eyes. "No one else that day would have made the same sacrifices out of love. Not even me. I was too selfish to let you go. You gave up everything, and by the strength in your soul, you came home to me. In all my decades, I have never met someone so remarkable, and I never will again. Take as many years as you need to recover, Aelin. This world owes a debt to you, and I will make sure it pays. You deserve every happiness."

His hand threads through one of hers and drags it up to rest on the bump between them.

Happiness.

Dell darts back into their room, a cup of tea sloshing in her hands as she runs. "Daddy, I put extra sugar in it. Uncle Fen is coming with more cups, but I made this one special."

Rowan pulls away from her, and the laughter on his face is contagious.  

Aelin smiles and accepts the tea from Dell's hands. She even manages a few sips without cringing from the sweetness. Fenrys follows behind her shortly and sets a fresh cup covertly on her bedside table.

There may be hard days, Aelin realizes as her family gathers around her, but the love they showed her every day made it all worth it.

[poussacha]

x-posting this from my Discord Server (The Swamp, we have a website) because I really need to complain about X-Factor (2020) and what it did to Daken and Prodigy, but Daken specifically (since I'm making his guide right now).

So, I'm finally reading X-Factor (2020) in its entirety. And the fucking CRINGE:

Pokemon??? Leah REALLY? It's like she was just "He's half Japanese, this is something he'd know." HE'S ALSO LIKE 72 YEARS OLD LEAH.

Also David Baldeon's art is fucking dog shit and is part of the reason I Didn't Like Rikki Barnes.

I just. Like sometimes. Sometimes this is decent. Maybe even good. But it does not outweigh the amount of times I had to fucking pinch the bridge of my nose and SIGH.

Suddenly Himbo. Is standing before me!?!?!

I can't decide if Williams's Daken is better or worse than Remender's. He's supposed to be this really smart articulate guy who becomes stabby. Yeah he's a flirt, but Christ Alive he's got more game than this.

Leah's made him into a bad slut himbo bi stereotype. Fucking GROSS.

In my favourite characterisation of him, written by Marjorie Liu, Daken is like, really smart. He loves poetry and books. He keeps his distance from other people, but occasionally when he's flung into a romance he has these moments of vulnerability because he so desperately wants to be loved.

That him spoke to me. The is he evil or the product of all of his trauma him. It was always so murky.

Later when he becomes Laura's family and then eventually Gabby's family he sort of got happier. They love him and he loves them. Their family bond sustained me so so long of Daken being relegated to the background of a lot of Laura and Logan's issues.

But in X-Factor there's like this whole part where Daken ignores Gabby to get with Aurora and then GABBY FUCKING DIES. And tbh I don't think I'll ever forgive Leah Williams for that. I have a lot of feelings about this character because for a huge chunk of his books I love him. He's just the right amount of morally reprehensible with softness toward the people he cares about.

And when Logan comes back into his life, he starts to see that he can be more than just a weapon. More than something people use and discard. It takes him awhile and a lot of advice from Logan and Laura but he gets there.

It just fucking sucks that his "getting there" is this X-Factor comic. Leah Williams is the epitome of "this premise is dope, but the writing makes me want to throw myself out of a window" And I was headcanonning so hard that Daken is Aro. But what Leah is doing with him now feels very not Aro and very Not Daken.

was so excited about the prospect of him on Krakoa and being on a team with Prodigy and even that sucks. They're constantly at each others throats.

And then in this same comic is when David and Tommy get together and it is the DUMBEST FUCKING SHIT. I was seriously so disappointed. As you can see I'm really fucking upset over this. It feels like setting bisexuality back a hundred years. Like yes, Daken is a slut. But he's not fucking stupid. And he's capable of being monogamous.

And David isn't this uptight little turd. God I'm so annoyed. Who gave Leah my favourite bisexuals to ruin.

Like X-Factor does have some decent moments. Bringing Sofia back and solving her murder was decent. I think it's issue 5. But every single comic Daken even so much as speaks in I am full of murderous rage. This is my meow meow. My stabby murder boy. Just because he can't kill anymore because he'll get yeeted off Krakoa doesn't mean he suddenly become himbo supreme, the leader of all himbos. i would rather read the ENTIRETY of Tini Howard's Excalibur than accept Leah Williams's Daken as canon. I would rather tell people Christopher Cantwell's Iron Man is my favourite iron man run. I'm also REALLY annoyed the werewolf baby I named August is named Amazing Baby in this like it makes me so fucking mad.

/Rant

[moonflowerdamie]

First off, HI! Hello! How are ya? Ronance truther here <3 you asked so i have some questions for you: 1. Otp 2. Controversial notp 3. Fic rec (ship of choice) 4. Hc's (ship or otherwise) 5. Have you read and/ or listened to rebel Robin? 6. Fave character(s) 7. Hot takes?

I'm new here so I apologize if I'm asking something you've answered before (if at all lol) and do not be afraid to gush! I'd love to read it.

hello!!!! i’m ok, i’ve got my exams on at the moment so i’m a little stressed about that, but otherwise pretty good, how are you? good to hear from a fellow ronance truther😌

OTP: gosh there are loads haha. if i had to narrow it down, my all time favs are dani and jamie from the haunting of bly manor, kai and amelia from grey’s anatomy, leah and fatin from the wilds and god i’m such a sucker for ronance atm so probably them too <3

Controversial NOTP: hmm that’s a tough one. there are ships that i don’t particularly like but not really ones that i hate if that makes sense? i suppose my least fav canon ships are jim and lee from gotham (the man is a walking red flag and the whole ship in general is underwhelming), bruce and natasha from the mcu (seriously marvel, why????) and meredith and nick from grey’s anatomy.

Fic Rec: oooh there are loads of good ones. here are some of my personal favs

-and she taught me a lesson alright by obsetress (damie)

-domesticated dogs by coldmackerel (villaneve)

-forever and more by blkmgck (bishova)

-roommate problems by ultraviolentluv (ronance)

-five times max brews an americano by gaps42 (elmax)

these are all amazing, everyone should go check these out!!!

HC’s: again, i have lots so i might make a bigger post about this for the different ships and characters, but here are some of my favs:

-dani knows all the words to ‘whatta man’ (even the rap part) and the first time jamie discovered this was on a road trip to california when the song came on the radio. dani sang along the whole time and jamie was so beyond shook. when the song finished, she had to pull over just so she could kiss dani senseless.

-after the island, leah wakes up with nightmares almost every night. she dreams about being back there, in that hellish place, with no rescue coming for them. she wakes up screaming, and after a few weeks her parents stop coming in at night to check on her. to calm down, she reads (not jeff’s book, no way). she particularly like to read kids books, because the fantasy and the joy of it all takes her away from her world for a moment. if that doesn’t work to calm her down, she calls one of the girls. sometimes shelby, because that girl’s voice is magical at preventing panic, sometimes rachel (and who knew they’d become such good friends?), but most of the time, she calls fatin. and fatin always picks up. always. leah doesn’t even need to say anything, fatin just let’s her breathe on the line until the sobs start, and then fatin will mumble a gentle ‘i’m on my way’. fatin sneaks in through leah’s window and joins leah in bed. they’ll spoon most nights this happens and they never ever talk about it in the morning.

-robin, after getting closer with the whole party, starts to figure out there’s something going on between mike and will. she doesn’t say anything, just sits back and watches as will pines and mike tries to be subtle about his enormous crush on his best friend. she secretly theorises about who will ask who out, and when will finally tells mike about his feelings, she pats herself on the back and seriously considers a career in matchmaking (after all, there’s still el and max to think about. those two are about as subtle as nancy wheeler is, who pretends she cannot stand robin, but has perpetually red cheeks in her presence and gets caught staring every other day).

Rebel Robin: ah no! i haven’t listened to the podcast yet, but i really want to! i’ve just been swamped with revision atm and tbh i keep forgetting it exists haha.

Fav Characters: again, so many to choose from haha. at the moment (because it changes like every week lol) it’s wanda maximoff (wanda maxiMOMMY😩), robin buckley, leah rilke, nell crain (baby🥺) and nancy wheeler.

Hot Takes: i’m not sure i have any? i’ll give it my best though, idk how controversial these are:

-mileven was cute for the first two seasons but it’s toxic now and they’d be better as friends.

-the whole pineapple on pizza debate is silly. nobody cares that much, people just like having something to argue about i think haha.

-straight girls kissing their friends at parties is fine, kiss whoever you want, but posting it on social media with captions like ‘lover’ or ‘wife’ is fetishising wlw and is just straight up lesbophobic. please don’t do it straight girls.

there ya go!!! thank you so much for this wonderful ask, friend!!!! have a great day <33

[queenofwordsandnerds]

My thoughts on AnS Manga Ch. 119 and 120

Okay I may be late to the party but I have so many feels about these two chapters I have to get them out there or I may explode...

I CAN'T be the only one freaking out about these chapters, can I? They both contained such BEAUTIFUL and OBVIOUS Obiyuki moments that if I was in any doubt as to Sorata Akizuki's intentions before, I'm not now. Obiyuki HAS to be endgame. All the moments in these recent chapters are so subtle yet well-crafted...it can't be an accident.

Let me start by drawing your attention to the beginning of Chapter 119, specifically the title panel and the panel before that:

LOOK. AT. THIS. I had to bite my lip to keep from screaming in the car with my mom when I read this. This and the next panel, more than anything else, confirms my belief that Sorata intends for Obiyuki to be endgame.

So in the first panel, Shirayuki and Tsuruba are waiting outside the party for Obi's signal. He steps outside to the balcony and waves the glowing crystal that SHIRAYUKI GAVE HIM (the fact that THAT was their prearranged signal gives me life because that crystal has so much meaning at this point). But he was supposed to flash it, not wave it. Tsuruba is concerned and asks Shirayuki if everything was all right. Shirayuki immediately gets this intense concern on her face, and she says this:

"No...Obi would do exactly as he said. Without a doubt."

Shirayuki knows Obi so well, probably better than he knows himself. She KNOWS INSTANTLY that something's wrong. It speaks volumes to their level of connection. They've always been able to tell when something is wrong with the other, even when other people don't see it. It makes me endlessly frustrated how well they know each other yet they're so blind (at least on Shirayuki's end).

And THEN. THEN.

THE TITLE PANEL.

LOOK AT IT!!! This panel comes right after the first one, by no accident. Sorata WANTS you to have Obiyuki's connection and Shirayuki's concern for Obi in your mind while you read this title panel.

This is the second title panel that has featured Obiyuki dead center of attention with significant wording beneath the phrase "A romance that cuts through fate." If the first title panel wasn't obvious enough...this one is. If I was a new reader and I only saw this panel...I would think that Obiyuki was the "romance that cuts through fate." Other wonderful tumblr users have explained how Obiyuki could be this romance, so I won't go into it...but this is just further confirmation from Sorata to me.

The first title panel read "please, take my hand." This one reads "unwavering trust." The CONTINUITY. DO YOU SEE IT THE WAY I DO?? This title panel is a response to the first one. Shirayuki trusts Obi enough--unwaveringly--to take his hand. There's nobody else that phrase could refer to. Obiyuki's trust in each other is legendary, even within the story. Other characters see them as a unit. (And their hands aren't visible in this panel but close enough that I like to believe they're holding hands beneath the frame here. It's possible!)

Am I reading too much into this? Maybe. But I can't be the only one who sees the massive significance?? I just can't!

Also, I will say the one issue I had with the story was the lack of Shirayuki in a gorgeous mask and ball gown infiltrating the party on Obi's arm (and Obi's utter swamp mess of feelings upon seeing his Miss dressed up). I feel ROBBED on that score. But at least we got to see our cat boi in his fancy clothes and mask...can we just take a moment to appreciate how FINE our boi looks? Like LOOK AT HIM

STUNNING SO SEXY SHIRAYUKI YOU BLIND WOMAN-

Ok moving on

So these next two panels were my FAVORITE part of the whole two chapters. Shirayuki and Tsuruba are outside and Shirayuki asks Tsuruba to help her up onto the balcony. But Obi APPEARS out of nowhere like he was summoned by a call (lbh his Miss asking for help probably was a call) and he jumps down besides Shirayuki and lifts her up himself before Tsuruba can even move...all without saying a word.

OUR BOI IS THE ONLY MAN ALLOWED TO HELP HIS MISS AND ONLY HIM. ZEN WHO??

Seriously, this part is so short yet so significant. It takes up a notable number of panels, and we didn't need to have Obi help Shirayuki. Tsuruba could have done it. But Sorata devotes these pages to this scene so we can SEE that Obi is still his Miss's loyal knight. He still takes care of her and is probably a bit jealous of another guy helping her when that's HIS JOB. It's a sharp reminder that not only is Obi very much Shirayuki's knight, but also he's still in love with her. It's just a sweet scene with a very easily discernible romantic element.

Also...that panel of Obi kneeling at Shirayuki's feet with his cape fluttering, ready to aid her...*chefs kiss* I could stare at that panel for hours. The facial expressions and detail during this scene is also priceless. I would rate it in the top 10 Obiyuki manga scenes, honestly.

SHIRAYUKI YOU SWEET GIRL HOW CAN YOU BE SO BLIND I SWEAR-

The rest of the Obiyuki moments that I noticed were more minor, but still really significant to their story and development as a whole. There's several panels of Obi and Shirayuki considering things together, being concerned together, working out solutions together...

Like this one (the way he hovers protectively over her shoulder tho...it's almost like his right hand is on her back):

Or this one:

THIS ONE MURDERED ME:

LOOK AT THE SYMMETRY. THE PARALLELS. THE BACK TO BACK. THE WAY THEY THINK THROUGH THINGS TOGETHER.

Obiyuki's legendary similarity in thinking will always impress me. They share such similar thought processes, they LITERALLY finish each other's sentences. And the way they come to the same conclusion in this panel and they share the same determined look like "yeah, we know what we're thinking and we know what we've got to do and we're on the same team" JUST KILL ME NOW. Could you get any more couple-y without being an officially canon couple?

And the last panel of them together: Shirayuki can ride on her own now but she sits behind Obi JUST LIKE OLD TIMES and how the two close-up panels of their faces are just too perfect and they're ready to take on the danger together like the absolute unit they are-

So yeah

Chapter 119 and 120 had some of the best Obiyuki moments I've seen in a while, honestly. The plot didn't go in the way I expected, but it was SO GOOD! The drama and pacing were absolutely on point, I can't wait until December I need to find out what happens NOW!

[tanzaniiite]

OVER IT • TSUKISHIMA K.

requests: CLOSED

warnings: angst galore

word count: 2.9k

this idea has been in my head for the past couple of days and i’ve finally got to write it out, i’ll be back to request killing after this. enjoy!

It was a simple statement.

You didn't mean anything by it, so you weren't sure why your boyfriend was making a big deal out of nothing. At least, you assumed it was nothing. It's obvious that Tsukishima has trust issues, that you were well aware of. But you've known him since middle school. One would believe that you've passed that hurdle in your relationship, right? Wrong.

Being around Kei felt like a being around a time bomb. Most people didn't know what would trigger him and his resting bitch face didn't make it any easier either. Of course, having dated him for almost a year now and knowing him for more, you knew what to and what not to bring up. But like most people, you slip up. Who knew ten words would cause so much turmoil?

It started off normal, well as normal as a study date could be. The practice had ended early for some reason, you decided to not pry about it. You, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi walked home together. The walk was relatively quiet, with you and Tadashi having a small conversation of your own. Once Yamaguchi went on his own merry way, Kei carefully held your hand with his. You glanced at him and smiled slightly. "Oh, what's this? Tsukishima Kei, showing affection?" You teased, swinging your hands back and forth slightly. Tsukishima's cheeks were dusted a light pink, if you asked, he would swear it was the heat (even though the temperature dropped almost an hour ago). But you both knew that you were the only one who had the power to make him flustered, even if it wasn't by much.

"Shut up. I'm your boyfriend, I can't hold your hand?" He questioned, staring straight ahead. You giggled and poked his cheek, "Nope, not you. It's weird" You taunted. It was all fun and games until he snatched his hand away from yours, which caused a whine to leave your lips. "Hey!" You pouted, trying to grab his hand again. "No, it's weird right?" He retorted, holding his hand out of your reach, knowing it was impossible for you to obtain. He chuckled as you jumped trying to get him to hold your hand again. After five minutes, he decided to take pity on you and hold your hand once again. You glared at him, "You're so mean" You stated.

"Of course, I've got to give my girlfriend the full Tsukishima Kei experience"

The walk to his house was full of playful banter exchanged between the two of you. But the minute Kei spotted his brother's car in the driveway, his demeanor changed. You didn't notice the change right away, "Oh, I didn't your brother was visiting from college" You said, still holding Tsukishima's hand. The blonde pulled his hand away from yours and stuck them in his pockets, "Neither did I" He replied, walking ahead of you.

You followed behind him, now noting the solemn mood that took over. You knew Kei didn't talk to his brother much, after the whole "incident" between them. His mom often complained to you about the gap was growing in her two boys' relationship. You couldn't help but feel bad, you knew it was a pride thing when Akiteru lied to his brother. Obviously that doesn't excuse it but still, you understood.

"I'm home, Y/n's with me"

Tsukishima called out while taking his shoes off with you following suit. Akiteru popped his head in the foyer, "Hey lil bro, long time no see" He chirped. Kei just nodded, not bothering to respond. You didn't miss the slight hurt that flashed on his older brother's face before he turned to you. "Omg Y/n, you've gotten so big since I last saw you! How are you?" He asked, pulling you in for a hug. You hugged back, smiling, "I'm good, how's college life? Is it as good as the movies?" You inquired.

Akiteru has always been like an older brother to you, way before you and Tsukishima started dating. He was the reason you two got acquainted in the first place. Akiteru worked for your parents for a couple of summers. And when your parents threw their annual 'End of the Summer' cookout, Akiteru finally accepted their invitation and brought Kei along with him. The rest was history.

"Ha! I wish, it's hard to party when you're swamped with work but that might just be my poor management skills talking" He laughed, scratching his cheek lightly. "Enough about me, what brings you here?" Akiteru asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, Kei is gonna help me study for a bit" You answered, suddenly noticing that your boyfriend was no longer in the foyer. "Ah that's good, well I'll let you get to it. Wouldn't want to keep Kei waiting, I think we both know he doesn't have a lot of patience" Akiteru said, whispering the last part causing you to giggle. You waved to the eldest Tsukishima brother as you made you way upstairs to Kei's room.

You opened the room door before closing it gently behind you. Your blonde boyfriend was already at his desk, reading a textbook, his headphones snuggly placed on his head. You walked over to him, lifting one side of his headphones, "Thanks leaving me alone with your brother" You whispered in his ear before pulling away and sitting on his bed.

Tsukishima took off his headphones and turned to look at you, "Sorry, it didn't look like you minded" He replied back. You took note of the snarky tone he used, he's annoyed with you for speaking to his brother. You mentally rolled your eyes, how petty. "My bad, maybe it's because I haven't seen the dude in almost a year" You muttered while rummaging in your bookbag. Tsukishima just stared at you before turning back to his textbook.

You two did work in silence for a good ten minutes before you spoke up. "Are you still mad at Akiteru?" You asked randomly. You knew this was a sensitive topic for your boyfriend but the tension you felt in the foyer earlier wasn't imaginary. "Who said I was mad at him?" Tsukishima inquired, not bothering to look at you. "Uhh, says the tension that was in the air the minute you saw his car" You retorted, looking up from your own textbook.

There was a short pause before he responded, "Well no. I'm not mad at him. Annoyed? Yes. Mad? No" He replied curtly. You knew you could push a few more questions before Kei got to his breaking point. "Well, why? What did he do this time?" You asked, resting your chin on your hand. "Nothing" Kei stated with a note of finality in his voice. Signaling to you that he didn't want to speak about his brother anymore.

But you didn't care. You knew what this was really about, and against your better judgment, you decided to push your agenda. "Clearly, it's something. You don't give dry ass responses to your brother for no reason Kei" You spoke, the textbook in your lap long forgotten. Tsukishima scoffed, "Please. I give dry responses to everyone". You raised an eyebrow, "You don't give dry responses to me" You insisted.

"You're different. Plus I did give you dry responses when I first met you" He claimed, still staring intently at his textbook. You sighed heavily. "Kei, you can't keep holding on to what your brother did. Yeah, it was wrong but he apologized and it happened years ago–" You started before you saw Tsukishima's hand curl into a fist. "Don't speak on things you know nothing about" He said, through gritted teeth.

You narrowed your eyes, was he fucking serious? "What the hell are you talking about? I was there Kei! So was Tadashi and that other kid, I know what I'm talking about" You argued. Finally, for the first time in this whole conversation, Tsukishima turned to face you. If looks could kill, you would be dead on the spot. His honey-colored eyes glared at you and his eyebrows were furrowed causing creases between them.

"Clearly, you don't. If you did, you would know it's not that easy for me to let something like that go. He lied, Y/n" Kei snapped, his glare not once faltering. "Everybody lies Kei. You're smart enough to know that also applies to your brother" You explained, staring at the blonde in disbelief. Why was he so adamant about holding on to this? What was the problem? "That's not the point." He huffed, turning around again.

"Then what is the point Kei?"

Tsukishima just shook his head, returning to his work. You blinked, was he ignoring you now? Wow, so childish. You huffed through your nose and picked up your discarded textbook, "I seriously can't believe you haven't gotten over this yet" You uttered, flipping the pages to the right chapter.

And there it was.

The time bomb finally stopped ticking.

Next thing you knew, Tsukishima slammed his textbook shut and swiveled around in his chair at the speed of light. His face was red and he was shaking, in what you assumed was anger. This, however, wasn't an unfamiliar sight. You and Kei have argued before and you guys would argue again. You were both fireballs, and you know what they say about fighting fire with fire...

"Get out."

"I'm sorry, are you having a tantrum?"

"I said: GET OUT!"

You flinched slightly at his raised voice. You watched how his anger subsided for a hot second before he sat down and returned to his textbook. All you could do was scoff and pack your stuff. He always did this, you always tried to help him. Always tried to get him to open up and what did you get in return? Anger, that's what you got. Every fucking time. You zipped up your bag and flung it over your shoulder before storming out of his room, slamming the door behind you.

You put your shoes on as fast as you could, but it was a little hard to do so with the tears clouding your vision. "Hey" Akiteru spoke softly, sitting next to you on the stoop. You sniffed, "Hey. Kei and I finished studying. So I'm leaving if I could get this stupid shoe on–" You claimed, as you struggled to get your left shoe on. Akiteru took your shoe from you, "I heard you and Kei arguing... you don't need to defend me y'know" He stated as he helped you slip on your shoe with ease.

"I know but he's being such a dick about it. You already apologized, what more does he want?" You asked rhetorically, wiping the tears in your eyes. Akiteru only shrugged, "I don't know what he wants. But I do know he has every right to be upset with me. I lied to him for three years, I would be mad at me too" He spoke, whispering the last part.

"You had a good reason tho–"

"But that doesn't make it okay"

"I know but–"

"Y/n. Kei will forgive me on his own time. I can't force him and neither can you. All I can do is wait and all you can do is support him. I get the feeling he isn't pleased with his girlfriend siding with his brother" Akiteru joked lightly. He gently patted your knee before standing up and stretching.

"Now c'mon, let me drive you home"

The next week was a nightmare. Tsukishima didn't speak to you and vise versa. If he wanted to be an asshole, then so be it. He'll never catch you trying to help him again. But... you'd be lying if you said you didn't miss him. You missed how he would walk you to class, how you two would sit in the courtyard together for lunch, how you would walk him to volleyball practice before going to the library to wait for him. The list goes on, Kei was a big part of your life whether you wanted to admit it or not.

"Y/n! Y/N!"

You turned around to see blue and orange bounding toward you at full speed. You quickly step sided before they collided into you. "Hey Hinata, Kageyama, what's up?" You asked, looking at the two boys trying to catch their breath in front of you. Suddenly they both bowed simultaneously, "Please tutor us!" They asked in unison. You chuckled nervously as students passing by gave you three weird looks. "Uh.. sorry guys but my marks are fairly average. I don't think I'll be any help to you" You claimed, rubbing the back of your neck.

"Please? Tsukishima won't tutor us anymore! He's been a real jerk lately" Hinata huffed, his cheeks puffing out slightly. "More like an asshole" Kageyama commented before quickly stuttering out, "S-Sorry! I know he's your boyfriend–". You held up your hand, "It's okay, I know. He's been the same way with me. I could tutor you guys before practice if you want?" You suggested.

"Yes! Thank you so much Y/n! You're the best!"

Hinata hugged you tightly and you patted his head. "You're welcome Hinata, I'll meet you guys at the gym later" You confirmed, before pulling away and walking to your next class.

Why did you agree to this again?

You loved Hinata and Kags, you saw them as little brothers but.. these boys are idiots. You wanted to tear your hair out. Letting out an exasperated sigh, you tried to explain the formula to them one more time. "Come on guys, it's not that hard" You claimed, leaning your head in your hand. The gym floor was hurting your butt and you couldn't wait for Daichi to show up so you could leave.

Not to mention, you wanted to get out of here before he who shall not be named shows up. "I'm sorry Y/n, I just don't get it," Tobio said, erasing his paper for what seemed like the hundredth time. You sighed, "Y'know what? It's fine. We'll pick this up again tomorrow, you guys have to get ready for practice anyways" You stated as you started packing your stuff. The boys nodded following suit.

You bid them goodbye as you left the gym. Once you turned around to head home, the last person you wanted to see was standing a few feet away from you. Tsukishima stared at you, his eyes widen by a fraction, probably surprised as to why you were in the gym. Next to him was his right-hand man, Yamaguchi. Tadashi just looked between the two of you before heading off to the club room on his own. You didn't blame him, the tension in the air was thick.

"Hey stranger"

"Hey."

You walked to Tsukishima, deciding enough was enough. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed your sarcastic bean pole of a boyfriend. When you stopped right in front of him, he nodded towards the gym, "What were you doing in there?" He asked. Ugh, you got a migraine just thinking about it. "I was trying to teach your friends some math turns out I overestimated how smart they were," You said, looking up at your boyfriend. "Yeah? Well, that was your first mistake" He replied, the smallest of smirks gracing his lips.

You smiled sadly, looking down at your feet, "I miss you" You muttered. You fully expected Tsukishima to pretend to not hear you and make you repeat yourself like he always did. And you two would makeup and all would be good again. But.. he didn't do that. Kei lifted your chin with his fingers to make you face him. He then wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close to him. You, of course, hugged him back as he mumbled something against your hair.

You stifled a giggle as you leaned back to face him. "I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that. Can you repeat that?" You asked sweetly. "Really Y/n?" He groaned. You nodded, looking at him expectantly. Kei rolled his eyes before looking at you seriously, "I missed you too. And I'm sorry for being a dick" He apologized, kissing your forehead tenderly. A small pout formed on your lips, "Why are you sorry? I pushed you and that's on me. You'll forgive Akiteru on your own time, and I'll support whatever you do. Whether that's giving him forgiveness or the silent treatment" You declared, holding his face in your hands.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, "Stop being so dramatic, it's annoying. But, you were right. I can't be mad at him forever. He's been trying to make things right since then and I guess I pity him" He explained, still holding you in his arms. "Hm. Well, take it slow, there's no rush. Akiteru will be happy either way. Now go to practice, you're late" You scold, pulling away and pushing your boyfriend towards the gym. Kei grabbed your hand before you walked off, "Hey Y/n?". You hummed in response looking back at him. Your heart skipped a beat as he looked at you with nothing but love and admiration in his eyes.

"I don't what I'd do without you, so thank you for being in my life"

You smiled widely, pressing a soft kiss to Kei's lips, "Aw, look who's being dramatic now".

In the end, you never found the answers to your questions. And that's okay. Because you'll support Tsukishima in all his endeavors, petty or not. Because that's what partners do for each other. Tsukishima wasn't over his brother's betrayal and even though you didn't really understand why... that was okay. Because this was about him, not you.

And so, you got over it.

tanzaniiite © 2020 — all rights reserved. do not repost, modify, or copy. do not plagiarize. thank you.

[nyaitsu-writes]

nya my beloved !! i am doing great, i actually made a writing blog a month ago because you inspired me ☆ /srs

i . . . am actually trying to fix my sleeping schedule, so i need to be dead asleep before 23:00 . getting a good night’s sleep feels so refreshing, to be honest (๑･̑◡･̑๑) ( i’m sleep-deprived in the past few years HAJSHA)

and your exams omg,, good luck !! i know you can do it ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ tell your last braincell to hold on a little longer HAHSGZHAHS

the ibara prompt is in character ! wdym it’s ooc,, 🍡 is a huge ibaraP yk,, i love reading all your works esp ibara’s . . .

and oooooo i hope you get sora at least !! i stopped doing the event because i’m having an enstars burnout and i’m just logging in to get the daily awards and stuff . my mind says there’s an ibara event coming soon and i need to save *hides my 175 gems in the corner*

— 🍡

oh gosh you did?? that's so awesome! i am waiting. here. please give me your @ 🤲 i'm going to spam the heck out of your blog my cute lil dango,, you're going to have to block me to get rid of me (●ˇ∀ˇ●)<3 i want to read your writing so bad <33 if you don't want it public my dms are open too don't worry!

yesyes you go fix your sleep schedule that is super important! i'm kinda,, the other way around now and i'm not proud of it ;; i've always slept a good amount but it slowly went from a lot to 8 hours to 7... last semester was 6 and now i'm somewhere around 5 (┬┬﹏┬┬) given that i'm slowly but surely being swamped by work and projects i don't like it one bit,, me likes the sleepies. i am the happiest when i get to sleep 12 hours. i am channelling my inner ritsu as soon as i get a break!!

aaa that makes me so relieved!! i find it really fun how i get a surprising amount of ibara prompts every so often www he's a funky boy to write for,, a lil snakie if you will. the anime didn't really paint him in the best light so i want to read more things about him,, story recs are very much welcomed!

i just got sora like checks clock,, 15 minutes ago. finally home <3 i got severely burnt out a while back + couldn't find the time so i haven't played any events since... when was shinsekai again? (＞︿＜) i think that was the last one i played seriously sobsob like wow can you believe i didn't played hidden beast nor the la mort one. not even the big one at the beginning of the year. but the one that bugs me the absolute most is love letter. yuta's new hairstyle i just. i mean like i can even get a 5* in a point event but i could've gotten hinata maybe </3 i am obsessed with yuta's new hairstyle and the love letter outfit is so pretty..... getting all my 2winkP ness back all at once

anyways good luck saving up! as a f2p in enstars i know the absolute pain. if only enstars gave us more free dia,, and maybe better gacha rates my life would be complete <(＿　＿)>

[there-must-be-a-lock]

Set  Yourself On Fire

Word Count: ~1550

Warnings: Depression and suicidal thoughts. No, seriously, this is not a happy fic. It centers on Sam and his mental state between seasons three and four, so. Yeah. Demon blood, sad Sam, self-loathing, etc. Some mentions of Sam x Ruby, but the pairing is not the point. 

A/N: For @idreamofplaid​‘s “Thanks For The Memories” Challenge.  My episode was “I Know What You Did Last Summer.” 

I snagged bits from a drabble I wrote called “Might As Well,” which was about this same time in Sam’s life, and worked them into this. 

Thanks to @fangirlxwritesx67​ and @fookinghelljensensthighs​ for read-throughs, and to @stunudo​, @thoughtslikeaminefield​, and @lastactiontricia​, who helped me work through the fine points of the psychology that was going on here. 

Title from the Stars song Your Ex-Lover Is Dead: “When there’s nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.”  

The whiskey stings when Sam splashes it over the cut on his arm. It’s a good kind of pain, blindingly sharp and clean, and for a moment it takes his mind off the slimy ache in his chest and the filthy squirming guilt in his gut. 

Dean’s looking at him again, searching and suspicious.

“Why do you trust her so much?” he asks, and Sam doesn’t want to meet his eyes. 

“I told you.” 

“You got to do better than that. Hey, I’m not trying to pick a fight here. I mean, I really want to understand. But I need to know more. I mean, I deserve to know more.” 

He does. Dean deserves that and so much better. 

Sam tilts the bottle again, watching the booze wash away the blood as it burns him clean, and he takes a sip, as if that’ll do the same thing to the ugly wound in his chest. There isn’t enough whiskey in the world to sanitize his insides. 

He knows he can’t tell the whole truth, but Dean deserves to know more. The question is, where does he start? 

He could start with the moment the dirt closed over the grave. Sam, Bobby had said, so quietly. Sam, don’t. And it was funny, how much Sam had always wanted that; he always wanted a father figure who would ask him to stay. I can’t, he told Bobby, and he lurched away, staggered to the car, started driving.

He can’t tell Dean about the days that followed, because he doesn’t remember much of them. Two, three, maybe four days slipped away while he hid in a shitty motel, drinking, and the memories that remain are disjointed flashes in his mind: the ugly floral duvet under his cheek as he collapsed face-first into the bed, the cold white bathroom tiles and the bruises they left on his knees, a ceiling fan distorted through salt-swollen eyes as he watched it spinning lazily overhead, the taste of bile, the blood on his knuckles, the broken shard of mirror that he picked up and turned over in his hands for longer than he’ll ever admit. 

No. He can’t start there.

“She saved my life,” he says hoarsely, and Dean waits while Sam tries to find the words. 

He still hears John, sometimes: Why are you crying? Be strong. Be brave. Get over yourself. Other people got it a lot worse, y’know. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. 

He’s gotten better at ignoring John’s voice, over the years, but it’s harder to ignore his memories of Dean. Dean blinking back tears, forcing a smile. It’s going to be okay, Sammy. I’m fine, Sammy, don’t worry about me. He’s always wanted to be like his big brother, and his big brother wouldn’t let himself wallow the way Sam had. His big brother would’ve found a way to fight back. 

The crossroads demon had been his only real hope. 

Just take me. It’s a fair trade. 

The worst part was, that no didn’t really surprise him. Of course his life wasn’t worth the same as Dean’s. Of course it wasn’t enough, he wasn’t enough, to save his brother the way Dean had saved him. 

Sam wasn’t sure who he was without Dean, without a mission, without anything to hold onto. 

He’d gotten in the car and started driving. He thought about heading West, out to the cliffs and curves of Highway One; the guardrail was so flimsy, and the Pacific would be steely-grey and welcoming. He thought about heading East, all the way to Maine; the shoreline was rocky and rough, and the crabs would find his body. He could go to Florida, drive into a swamp, let the muck swallow him slowly. He could go to the Dakotas, drive out into the desert, park there and wait, and the vultures would descend eventually. He wondered if anyone would notice that he was gone. 

He can’t tell Dean that.  

So he doesn’t tell Dean about the directionless days. He starts with the day Ruby found him. 

He doesn’t tell Dean about the relief he felt, when he thought Ruby was going to kill him. He doesn’t tell Dean about the cold crush of disappointment in his chest when she stabbed the demon instead. 

He tells Dean about her new body, “100% socially conscious.” He tells Dean about the plan to find Lilith: “I wanted to go right away.” 

Sam had asked, What do you want from me? 

A little patience. And sobriety. 

Sobriety made it harder to sleep, and insomnia made it even harder to remember what was real. He didn’t feel real. He felt like a faded, dull husk of a person, a sunbleached copy of a photograph instead of a breathing human with a heartbeat. Ruby told him to use his strength, but he didn’t have anything left. 

Sam didn’t much care if he died, and some days he wasn’t even sure he was still alive. 

He can’t tell Dean that. 

He sees the way Dean looks at him sometimes. He sees the exhaustion in Dean’s eyes, the worry flickering behind that, and Sam doesn’t want to add to the weight on his big brother’s shoulders. 

Ruby said, Just give it time, Sam. It'll get better. I'm not talking about pulling demons. I know losing Dean was…

I don't want to talk about it. 

The anger tasted ashy in his mouth. It burned, but in a purifying way, like a forest fire clearing the land for new growth. The anger helped him focus. He balled his hands into fists, imagined punching her, imagined that pretty face swollen and bleeding. 

He doesn’t tell Dean about that. 

You know what? Where do you get off slapping me with that greeting-card, time-heals crap? What the hell do you know? I used to be human. And I still remember what it feels like to lose someone. I'm sorry.

He almost did punch her, at that. 

When she kissed him, it was Dean’s voice in the back of his head saying, this is wrong. He shoved her away. 

“I knew it was wrong,” Sam confesses, and he can’t meet Dean’s eyes. “But…” 

He didn’t care, in the moment. It was his brother’s opinion that had always mattered; he always wanted to make Dean proud. But Dean was dead, and Sam had been drifting for so long, and Ruby’s skin was warm and soft and real under his hands.

It was more like a battle than a kiss. It was teeth and claws, ripping each other apart, but every bite and every scratch felt like a reminder that Sam was still alive. 

“Sam?” Dean snaps. “Too much information.” And there it is, there’s the disgust Sam knew was coming. Dean’s lip curls and Sam feels like a child again, clumsy and stupid next to his strong, steady anchor of a big brother. 

The half-truth sits uncomfortably in his throat, and Sam has to work to get it past his lips: “I’m coming clean.” 

There’s something monstrous inside him, something warped and wrong. There’s always been something wrong with him. 

He thinks of the vial in his pocket, the burst of copper on his tongue like a mushroom cloud, the silent dare in Ruby’s big dark eyes and the way she sighs when he slices her open. It burns a little hotter every time he drinks, and he must be charred and black inside by now. 

He hasn’t felt clean for a long time. 

That’s the thing about fire, though; it cleanses, purifies, and maybe he’ll burn up hot enough to take Lilith with him someday. Self-immolation seems inevitable, at this point. His life doesn’t mean much, but maybe his death will. 

“Pretty soon after that,” Sam says, “I put together some signs. Omens. Lilith was in town, and I wanted to strike her first.” Ruby had looked so goddamn concerned, when she realized, and Sam had hated her for it. You don’t want to survive this. This isn't what Dean would've wanted. This isn't what he died for.

“She came after me,” Sam says. “She saved me.” 

He hesitates. 

He doesn’t tell Dean about the blood. 

Sam remembers the night after that failed attack. He remembers watching Ruby cut herself for the first time: his stomach roiling and his skin crawling, the blood welling up and beading into shiny pearls of red. He imagined it sliding down his throat and staining his guts that same dark crimson. 

He doesn’t tell Dean about the way it sizzled on his lips, crackled and sparked inside him, lit him up in a whole new way. He doesn’t tell Dean about the next demon, the way the black oily smoke poured out all at once, faster than he’d ever seen it leave a human before, and the way his veins sang with the power. 

He doesn’t tell Dean about the too-hot shower afterward, when the fizz was long gone and he scrubbed himself raw trying to get rid of the itch that it left behind. 

He didn’t like the way he felt with Ruby, but at least he felt something again. 

“If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be here,” he tells Dean quietly. 

He doesn’t ask, Do you regret dying for me? Was I worth it? 

He’s not sure he could live with the answer. 

.

.

.

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[doctordiscord123]

Could we get a continuation of fem!Dark in that conference room? Showing them exactly what a woman can do to their tiny male brains cuz I'm sure they think they can run her over. If you want to of course.

Based on this one here

Dark walked into the conference with purpose in her step, heels clacking against the tile. Her suit was perfectly molded to her body, her makeup and hair perfect, her aura a slow roll of power behind her. She hardly glanced up at the men around the table, setting her briefcase down a taking her rightful seat at the head.

Unfortunately, they didn’t agree.

“Ma’am.” Dark glanced up, unclasping the lid of her briefcase and pushing it open, flicking open her little oval reading glasses and slipping them on. The men -- the Police Commissioner, the mayor of the city, a few senators, every important political figure in the city -- were are staring at her, more than a little displeased. The mayor spoke again. “That seat’s not for you. Be a dear though, and go get me some coffee before the meeting starts.”

Dark flashed a little smile, rage making her aura flare. “I believe you’re mistaken, Mr. Mayor.” Her eyes flickered to red and blue, and her smile grew cold as the mayor paled. She could see the recognition settling in his eyes. “I am not your assistant. This seat is for me. And you’d do well to remember that.”

“Darkiplier?” She lifted her head to face one of the senators, an unimpressed eyebrow raised at the tone of her voice. He scoffed. “Since when were you a woman?”

Dark drew a deep breath, consciously trying to keep her aura in check so she didn’t snap their necks at the scorn in his tone. “I have always been a woman. Just as I have always been a man. Today, that feeling just happens to have desired to be presented physically as well.” She batted her eyelashes. “Surely you have heard of the term ‘genderfluid’?”

The Police Commissioner scoffed. “Perhaps we should reschedule to a time when you feel more like yourself.”

He made to stand, but Dark’s aura lashed out, swamping the room in monochrome cold and forcing the Police Commissioner back in his chair. “Sit down, Commissioner.” Her tone was ice. “If you cannot take me seriously in this body, then perhaps I should remind you why this meeting was called in the first place.”

She cleared her throat, and reached into her briefcase. She pulled out a large, stuffed envelope, locking eyes with the Police Commissioner. “Here are the photos of your rather robust affair with that lovely secretary of yours, courtesy of my reporters.” She smiled when he paled, adjusting his tie uncomfortably. She kept going, pulling out a stack of clipped together papers. “Here are all the evidence of your gambling, habits, Mr. Mayor.” She gasped dramatically, placing a hand on her chest as she flicked through the stack. “Embezzling from your own city, fore shame, Mr. Mayor.” She folded her hands together, scanning the other men in the room with cold, dangerous fury. “Need I keep going?”

“No, Dark, that’s quite enou --” The mayor tried to reach for the papers, but Dark’s aura was quick to put that to a stop, wrapping tight around his wrist and making him cry out.

Dark’s smile grew, but by no means warmed. “Lovely.” She leaned back, throwing one leg on the other and propping her elbow up on the armrest of the chair. “The Devil is a woman, gentlemen.” Her eyes flashed with Hellfire as she grinned. “You’d do best to remember that.”

[wooahaes]

Aaaaaah I can't believe I ghosted you for almost a month I'm so sorry >_< Saw that you hit a milestone in the meantime - That's so cool! Congratulations<3 How are you doing? Are you sleeping better? Honestly my stress is basically ongoing since I'm so swamped with exams and stuff. I'll suppose it will be over by december if I don't have the next things to take care of waiting for me then. I'll be fine though, I'll be fine~

I'm not caught up with all UtS parts but I definitely want to read them all! I love it sm. I also like how the individual parts not only focus on the couple but give more insight into the life of the group as a whole and the dynamics between them. The hand print thing for example? I loved that sm! It's such a cute detail<3 UtS is a really comforting story to me, it's so peaceful to read~

The 3 biases and 10 wreckers thing is seriously so valid. (Also since you said you're deep in dino + cheol feels - how's that going these days? Have you recovered a bit?)

Lots of love<3 layton anon 🕵🏻‍♀️

hiii layton anon <3 no need to apologize!!! life happens <3

ive been sleeping pretty ok! my sleep schedule's out of wack but for the most part i've been fine <3

aw :( exams are awful!! good luck though <3 remember to take breaks when you can and have a little time to yourself!!

omg no pressure to read it pls <3 i appreciate it but the fics will always be there haha prioritize urself and ur wellbeing! <3

but anyway thank youuu <3 i like adding in more details about them as a group tbh! i honestly rly enjoyed adding in the lil details about the hand prints in hao's part <3 esp like... the idea of cheol having his right near the entrance and everyone adopting the lil mannerism to just gently tap it when they can as a lil 'welcome home' bc he would always do it. i feel like adding in details not fully related to the couple helps breathe life into the world tbh?

like... its important to have a realistic enough romance (dynamic-wise) to me, but i still want the world to feel like a place u could actually escape into. things like hansol's films getting mentioned or the paintings or seungkwan and his flowers i think help pull a little more life into the fic.

i think i've def recovered on the dino half of that, but every time i think i'm good on the cheol feels i get dragged back in. partially by my own fic planning lmao but also i just appreciate him <3 that one clip of him telling seungkwan he loves him only for seungkwan to just kinda brush him off and cheols like carats wouldnt do this to me >:( ??? admittedly lives rent free in my head. like... honestly yeah cheol could go 'i love u' and id be like haha love u too buddy

altho to be honest writing dino in the gyu fic i'm working on plans for can and probably will drag me back into dino hours. is he readers secretary? yes. is he also one of her genuinely good friends? also yes.

take care, dear! thank you for the ask <3 its always nice to hear from you!

[purgatoryandme]

46, 45, 43, 42, 26, 24, 23, 21 & I'm sorry for picking so many...

Woooooah ok ok ok ok that’s a lot of questions! I’ll answer ‘em though. I’ll answer ‘em real good. 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?My first fanfic was Carry Me Home. Haha, my first…and my longest. I don’t know why I chose something novel-length as my introduction to writing, but I sure done did it. 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.I like almost everything I’ve written actually, but some (because I can’t pick just one) I really loved were: April, Plead the Blood, and Daisy Chain! April was an amazing exercise in prose and literature references and heaVY HEAVY symbolism. It was also co-authored which was a blast! Plead the Blood featured my favourite scenario (Half-ghoul Amon coming face to face with Haise in a religiously symbolic setting…also that bite scene). Daisy Chain is the most positive and complex relationship I’ve ever written. It also made me happy, even if it was occasionally bittersweet, every single chapter. 24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?*SCREAMING NOISES* Carry Me Home. Every few months I go back and edit more of that fic. Every few months I find another spelling mistake and want to rip my hair out. I also really want to rewrite the entire first arc of that fic like aiohdihebfsihfisejghsrg my writing was SO TRASHY back then. 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?I always come up with a title after the work is done / the first chapter is done. For large stories or “original” (non-prompted) stores I agonize over finding a significant line for ages before finally just picking a sentence that I think is stupid but eventually grow to like. All drabble fics have two titles because I want to get across a certain sense of collaboration - someone else came up with the idea and then I wrote it, so it’s a team effort. Usually one title is more descriptive and one “pops” more. 42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:For Marvel fics but also Dragon Age and Teen Wolf: RayShippouUchiha(((seriously guys, listen, these fics are all ASTOUNDING! I could write several pages on how Limitations of Wax changed my life)))For KHR fics but also anything else they touch: wyrvel(((always funny, SO MANY LIFE LESSONS, excellent gen content in a world that severely lacks gen, amazing OCs, worldbuilding, lore, art, the works)))For Tokyo Ghoul: TimelessTears(((So much attention to SO MANY wonderful TG side characters. Excellent plots, fix-its, generally loving characterization. The Dark Tapes crushed me and their other fics saved me)))For a truly stand-out Tony Stark fic: Vetinari(((Guilt for Dreaming is an incredible adventure that takes the typical ‘what if x got transported back into their childhood body with all their memories of the future’ and places that concept square into reality…with a little magic. Seriously, there is a massive fear of ‘loss of self’ in this fic and deconstruction of Tony Stark as a person when he’s taken away from his legacy. Also there’s awesome OCs!)))Lmao I guess y’all can see that Marvel fic is a big thing for me rn? My final pick for an awesome author issssss: icarus_chained for their SPACE OPERA “Space Electric”! (((This is everything I want from sci-fi. Tony is a technopath. AI run ships and this leads to the COOLEST shit, you guys. YOU GUYS. THE COOLEST.)))I have wayyyyy more authors that I love, but these are my top tier either by fandom or writing style. It’s kinda a jumble, haha. 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?For my own writing, @iterael has been a huge inspiration all along the way, as has @floppyamon back in TG’s heyday. For my newest project (((I’m gonna try not to swamp their mentions with this long ass post)))) knightinironarmor, rayshippouuchia, kayvsworld, and reioka have been huge inspirations with their own writing, analysis, headcanons, and knowledge of the Marvel universe. 45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?This is a toss up between Dead-Eyed Tsuna and The Limitations of Wax. They are from totally different fandoms, are excellent for very different reasons, and resonate with me on two totally different levels. I honestly think that ray and wyrvel are unparalleled right now on the fanfic scene and that I would never be able to decide between them. 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?I would probably recommend Daisy Chain. It’s a good showcase of all my abilities as a writer without being excessively long, short, symbolism-heavy, or cliche. I LOVE Hide as a character and it was wonderful to have the opportunity to write him as a kid, especially considering how little we know about his family and how complicated his relationship with Kaneki has always been.