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plush-anon · 3 years ago

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You worked at joanns? 😍 dream job

In all fairness, a large part (and I do mean a LARGE part) of why I enjoyed working at Joanns were the managers.

The store manager was a guy named Richard, one of maybe two or three men who worked there total, and this man was practically a saint as far as retail goes.

This was a man who would, with no hesitation, get on the floor to help customers, or hop on the registers to check customers' purchases out, or pop on to the cutting counter to cut fabric. He remembered the names of regulars, would chat and smile while getting shit done, and was the type of guy to speak slowly and softly when we had shitstains explode at us measly peons for not giving them the full cost of an item back in a return (ex $200) when they used a coupon to purchase an item to begin with and only paid a portion of the cost (ex. $150). No joke, this actually happened to me on Black Friday with a man who stood at about 6 foot with a crewcut and a snarl (the military Karen, if you would)

Richard, of course, stood at about 6 foot 5 inches, and reminded me of a ginger grizzly bear in some ways. Very few customers continued to be assholes when they asked to speak to the manager and Richard came over, smiling wide. He encouraged us to chat with the customers while we worked the cutting counter - it was a good way to learn about what they were making, encouraged general conversation and lent itself to a better environment for everyone, worker and customer alike, so we weren't just awkwardly standing in silence the whole time.

The assistant store manager (aka his second in command - we had two other assistant managers, but she wielded more power than both of them) was Farrah, and she was basically Cool Wine Aunt, but with weed. She was open about smoking it (but not in a pressure-the-underlings kind of way, but more of a 'yeah, it calms me down' kind of way) but never on the clock, and was just really chill in general. She was also a 'jump on the registers' type of manager, and on occasion would take the closing staff out to get a drink from the texmex place next to us in the shopping center, and cover one for each of us - particularly during the Holiday Clusterfuck of October, November, and December (their Frozen Kahlua Mudlslide was my alcoholic drink of choice - they also had these spicy chicken strips that were amazing with it, but I digress).

Both of them were amazing people who would support and back us up without hesitation (if they weren't dealing with corporate or stock trucks coming in), and both routinely worked 15 to 20 hours UNPAID overtime during the Holiday Clusterfuck so that we the underlings could get more hours without Corporate jumping up our ass about going over budget.

They were also refreshingly upfront in our monthly meetings about profits and meeting them, as well as why company policy was the way it was, and how to work within the boundaries so we got more hours. One of my favorite moments was when they said the fabric sales essentially covered their own cost (production and delivery); the rest of the cheap crap in the store was what covered our paycheck and electricity, so hawk it as much as you can if you want extra in the bank (paraphrasing here, but that's not that far off what they actually said tbh).

With some Karen-y exceptions, the customers were honestly pretty chill. There were two women from a nearby church who bought well over 200 yards of cut fleece to make no-sew fleece blankets for children and the poor in December (it took forever to do, but they were so cheerful about it and told some funny anecdotes in between, kept the counter clear as soon as they were cut, etc. Took them three carts to haul everything to the register XD).

There was the slew of quilters making everything from baby blankets to anniversary gifts to quilts for their grandkids attending the local university that they could wear to football games in the colder weather, while still showing team pride. They always bought quarters and eighths and the end of the bolt for half price, digging thru our remnants bin for something they might have missed they could get for half price. They always talked about what they were working on, and spoke in great detail on their kids or cousins or niblings or grandkids. I saw so many pictures on phones, in wallets, and they loved them to absolute pieces.

There were cosplayers making their first costume to comicon, halloween goers trying their hand at making their own outfits, and a few furries making custom suits for order or just updating their own personal outfit. There were the usual school and church Christmas plays that needed costumes, and folks making custom table runners and place settings for family holiday meals.

One notable young man bought out 30+ yards of our 65" inch wide bolt felt for JEWELRY projects he was making as a part of his business and as a part of his art program (you can major in art with a concentration in jewelry making, and he was using it for that). He didn't leave a card, but the pictures he showed us were STUNNING.

We had a few elderly mothers come in with their daughters, to pick out fabrics so they could make their own wedding dresses, or quinceanera outfits, or veils; they showed us the patterns they had, or the pictures they were basing the designs off of, and all of them were STUNNING. (One came back in with the finished dress in the bag, this intricately beaded poofy dress that had to have taken days, hot pink and shiny).

We had local restaurant owners pop in for re-upholstery projects and curtains and vinyl; same with teachers and deck dads and furniture restoration workers that would gush about the design, what they had planned. Some would bicker with their spouses on the pattern, but it felt good-natured on the whole.

We had some elderly men come in to peer over our sewing machines - "How much it run for? My wife's birthday is coming up and her old machine's about done, and I want to surprise her. She had a Singer, but she hates the electronic screens on some of these newer ones, they hurt her eyes." - and moms coming in to sew some custom bed sheets for their kids - "My son really likes the new My Little Pony show, but he's a little shy about it. Do you think the blue's okay? Only he like yellow more, but they don't have any back there and he doesn't MIND blue really but - Actually scratch that, how wide is the fabric? My pattern says it needs to be at LEAST 22 inches wide, does it say on the box?" - and people coming up with some WILD craft ideas that were always a delight to hear them gush about - "So this MAY seem crazy, but I can turn these plastic pumpkin trick-or-treat pails into SNOWMEN heads with felt like this. We fill them with treats for the kids since we don't have a fireplace and they like it fine, but someone said I should sell these on Etsy and people really like them! But I've run out of pumpkins, and you have NO idea how happy I am that you guys still have some left."

The group we had to work with was also pretty crafty; a few were chronic call-outs, some a bit lazy, some perpetually done-with-this-nonsense, but we were mostly on the same page on shift, and all of us were crafty as heck. The employee discount was a blessing AND a curse, lemme tell you.

Stock was the best part, for me. Hours before the store opened at 9 AM, we would rip open the boxes and stuff everything onto the shelves, organizing anything the closing shift missed the night before along the way, updating new stickers or shuffling pegs over for new product arrangement, etc. We could listen to music or podcasts as we worked, and I ended up impressing some of them bc of how fast I tore through everything some mornings (the music definitely helped out there).

I was actually about to be promoted to assistant manager after 6 months, but then I got my job with the university, and they had federal health benefits AND dental, so... yeah, no contest there. Richard actually laughed when I told him I'd been hired at the university and was giving my two week notice, since it meant he didn't have to do the slew of paperwork that accompanied new assistant manager hires. He congratulated me on the job, especially the health benefits - he said that was a perk worth leaving any job here for. I nearly cried with relief that he wasn't mad.

He and Farrah chipped in and got me a small music box that plays Man of La Mancha's Dream the Impossible Dream on my last day. It still sits on my desk at work.

It was honestly my favorite retail job out of the bunch I've suffered through. Surprising at first, since I initially received a rejection email bare HOURS after my interview with Farrah, but about a month later (as I trawled endlessly through interview after interview, desperate for anything those first few months ), I got a call back from them asking if I was still interested (which I was, bc hey a job!). They remembered me specifically bc I had missed my bus to the interview, called ahead to let them know I would be late, then walked the whole way there in the rain to get there. (It was only about a mile and a half away, so not a terrible journey, but flooding is an issue in our flat-ass city; I looked like a drenched afghan hound holding a useless umbrella, so enjoy that imagery).

They were particularly impressed by the calling-ahead part.

Unfortunately, both of them ended up moving on to different paths over the year after I left - apparently they had been friends with benefits (? I say hesitantly, since I ran into one of my coworkers at an art show later on and she spilled the beans there - she was a bit flighty in nature though, and got caught up in gossip a LOT, so who knows. Lovely brocade custom projects though), and his ex girlfriend had called corporate on them and got both fired.

I think Farrah came back some time later, but the damage was done after that - the new manager came in and operated SOLELY to corporate policy. A LOT went to pieces in terms of store cleanliness, order, and general camaraderie after that - the new fabric counter folks look and sound dead inside, and barely interact with customers (not even a 'whatcha making' in passing, which is kind of sad - the stories I got helped to pass the time, and kept me from using up all of my Set Conversation Phrases for customers that actually WOULD leave us standing in silence). Corporate also stopped some of the smaller store policies that made our job easier and gave the customers a little something extra (the 'end-of-the-bolt' discount - if, after the customer orders say, 2 yards of fabric on the bolt, and there's say, a half yard "remnant" left on the bolt, we can sell them the remnant for half-price. A LOT of quilters LOVED this, and we did too, since it saved us from filling out the remnant tag and printing a sticker later on).

Just goes to show how important good management is in a business; especially when it can kick a store previously part of the top 50 stores in the NATION (while being a medium store at that - smaller place, NOT Hobby Lobby size like the Large stores) to something much less pleasant. I could be rose-goggling the situation thought - retail is still retail, no matter how nice some aspects are - but it still sticks with me as to how good he experience was even taking into account that it WAS minimum wage retail.

Food for thought, lads, food for thought.

#plush gets personal #joanns #joann fabrics #employment #retail hell #or well #not so much hell for this one #retail... purgatory? yeah that'll work

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alpaca-stitch · 4 years ago

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Hey. I think I accidentally hit send before I finished. I hope it's ok to ask this here. I recently started cross stitching and don't have a lot of thread and the thread I do have isn't great. I was wondering if you have any recommendations for good thread and fabric. I don't have a lot of money to spend on this, so I can't get the highest quality stuff, but I don't want to just get really cheap stuff from Amazon. Thanks!

Hi! I hope I am not answering this too late!

Threads:

DMC (or Anchor) floss is, in my opinion, the best option for cost efficenty. It is of incredible quality and durability. I think most people would agree with this tbh. The standard big box store price is $0.56 per skein. If you have a Michaels or Joanns near you, keep an eye out for coupons that give 20-30% off your entire purchase! That saves you a ton in the long run!

If you don't have a store that sells DMC near you, I recommend 123stitch.com! Their DMC and Anchor flosses are also $0.56 and they have a flat rate (between $3-4) for shipping as many as you want and get fabrics too! Their stock is usually very good! Right now, they are a bit behind on packing orders but they ship within a week or so still.

When it comes to money saving, you won't need the exact color the pattern calls for every single time. Unless you are recreating a specific effect or shading, don't be afraid to use a color that is similar but not exact so you don't have to buy another skein.

Fabric:

I am not an expert on fabric buying, but for me the best prices for fabric that isn't too fancy but also not just plain white stiff aida is also 123stitch.com.

BEWARE THOUGH! 123stitch is a great place to get small cuts of fabric to try for just a couple dollars, but their 8x12 or 9x13 cuts of fabric are basically always a bit smaller than that size- usually about .15-.25 smaller in at least one dimension. ALWAYS make sure you will have enough fabric to finish framing or FFOing before you purchase your size cut! By rule of thumb now, I always buy the 12x17 or 13x18 cuts now for a few extra dollars if im not sure i will have room to finish with. Measure twice, buy once!

I bought a few incredibly priced cuts of fabric awhile back- I love all three of these! (1) (2) (3)

Look for the fabrics by Wichelt and Zweigart for the cheapest prices on both aida and evenweave/linens!

I hope this helps!

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heroofpenamstan · 4 years ago

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RELATIONSHIP ASK MEME: JACOB SEED + JOANNE BURTON

( Tagged by @f0xyboxes and @mackie-hattwie (was just about to tag you in this, as well!); thank you so much! x gonna tag anyone that wants to do it, but still going to throw out some blogs because I know they may or may not have some amazing OCs: @shallow-gravy, @ariestals, @jacobseeds-mainhoe, @hawkfurze, @sammystark, @iamnotyourmusebitch, @shellibisshe, @foofygoldfish

Full template here because I skipped a section whoops;

Warning: crossed out text contains sensitive content! Also, very lengthy and quite smutty at times! Too long for my own good, tbh. )

DISAGREEMENTS:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Joanne; her bark is sharp and loud, uncontainable when irked. Jacob’s grave tone is enough to make anyone wary without him having to raise his volume.

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Jo. Always Jo. Jacob’s smile always promises to bring her back to him, regardless if she does go or not.

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Unsurprisingly, Jacob. Some slights against his siblings are just too large to be buried in the shallows, so he steps down periodically. Joanne feels his absence like a bucket of freezing water, leaving her cold for days.

Who trashes the house? You’d think it’s Jo with her tendency to pop off and shatter a glass or five, but the shelf barely hanging on a bent hinge is all Jacob.

Do either of them get physical? They get into brawls, but only when severely wronged by one another. Being who they are—dysfunctional assholes to the core, but equal in their prowess—the scraps and bruises blooming on their skin prove to be sufficient payback, enabling them to carry on with whatever the fuck is brewing between them.

How often do they argue/disagree? Initially, their differing worldviews and methods and everything they stood for caused uncontrollable rifts. Now? They know better than to spend their restricted time together conflicting about unchangeable facts that would get them riled.

Who is the first to apologize? Most often Joanne; she always gets at Jacob for his operation and tactics. Yet, when Jacob points out her mirrored misconduct, she concedes, albeit reluctantly. Jacob, on the other hand, is unapologetic for his actions; means to achieve an end—stop fucking glaring at me, Jo—

SEX

Who is on top/bottom? It’s a tumble down the hill for these two. Sometimes Jacob relishes in her heat and her weight sinking down on him, other times it’s Jo clutching at his scarred shoulders and wrapping her bruised legs about his waist. They switch and adapt most often than pick a preference.

Any kinks? Choking and spanking; nothing too severe, though they do get pretty hot and heavy and rough.

Who has the strangest desires? Not really odd, but Jacob craves Jo’s caresses and kisses at his scars at his most vulnerable sometimes. Joanne never holds it against him, nor comments.

Who’s dominant in bed? Both of them are clashing alphas, and it’s a constant battle to get the other to submit. However, because they do regard one another as equals, neither has a single qualm with being pinned down and ravished.

Is head ever in the equation? Most often.

If so, who is better at performing it? Surprisingly, (or not) Jacob. Jo always praises his fingers and his tongue and ravels at the scrap of his beard against her sensitive flesh.

Ever had sex in public? For them, public sex is usually safer than in Jo’s abode on Dutch’s (camera-filled) Island, or the Peggie-infested walls of Jacob’s holds that may or may not whisper back to the Father. Although, there once was an incident in a cage and a recruit walking in on something particularly gnarly that made both of them reconsider—Jo still hasn’t found out what had happened to the young trooper after that.

Who moans the most? Joanne doesn’t know how to sock it during a fight, a spat, or when Jacob traces her neck with an eager mouth.

Who leaves the most marks? Jacob. He likes seeing her pretty skin marked up by his teeth and his tongue; Jo, admittedly, can’t recognize her own claim that doesn’t involve sharp nails running along the expanse of his back.

Who is the more experienced of the two? They’re on the same page, give or take. Jacob has numerous years over her. However, Joanne’s troubled past of drug-fueled mistakes stemming from a young age quickly catches up on him.

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Jo can count on a single hand the amount of times her and Jacob made love. It has always been their primal urges that meshed them together, or the hate burning at her chest, the desire brewing in his eyes. Yet, sometimes, he’s soft and she glows; Jo might even mumble something she isn’t supposed to, and that would spur Jacob on further.

How long do they usually last? It depends on where they are and how long someone would note their absence. When he is able, Jacob drags it out for as long as he can, wanting to see his little soldier crumble and cry for him. But, more often than not, it’s a rough, quick spur that leaves them both snarling and kneading.

Rough or soft? Rough; nearly always rough.

Is protection used? Joanne thanks the day implants came into play. (In the past, there was always a possibility of her hurling the pill back up her esophagus once the withdrawals set in, but now, with the Collapse right around the corner, she’ll be safe for the next years to come, much to Jacob’s delight.)

Does it ever get boring? No. They always have an ever-burning drive for one another, albeit not the most healthy—but it’s always there.

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? The aforementioned cage can’t be topped; nothing will change Jo’s mind.

FAMILY

Do they plan on having children/or have children? Jacob thinks himself too old and too unsuitable for children of his own. Y’know, you remind me of the Old Man sometimes, John had said, only once—in a light manner, at that—but Jacob had shut the thought of his own kids at that exact moment, if he hadn’t before. He has his Judges and he has John, and that’s enough. Joanne herself thinks herself too irresponsible in that regard. She doesn’t fancy bringing another life into a fallen world once the Collapse hits, focusing on the Ryes if she ever gets a longing for children, only to be reminded just why it would be a bad idea in the first place.

If so, how many children do they want/have? —

AFFECTION

Who likes to cuddle? Joanne. On the rare occasions her and Jacob share a bed, she cuddles up against him subconsciously. She wakes up with her head tucked at his neck.

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Jacob, usually. He’s not exactly subtle, but he’s no fool, either. He knows how to time his touches as to not get caught out in the open.

Who struggles to keep their hands to themselves? Jo would say it’s Jacob, but he would argue. (He has receipts in the form of crescent moons perched on his shoulders, after all.)

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Jacob isn’t one to cuddle, but when it comes down to it, he doesn’t mind losing circulation in his shoulder if Jo curls into him like that.

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? As simple as it sounds, talking is their favorite past time. Just connecting with another person who’s been chewed up by the world is therapeutic for both of them, especially with them having to sneak about and not getting to do much of anything else. Also, sparring with each other, once Jacob changes tactics.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? Jacob’s cot, against a sturdy tree trunk, a boat once or twice.

How often do they get time to themselves? Never. Never, ever; especially Jacob, having to train his flock vigorously for the Collapse.

SLEEPING

Who snores? Joanne; she tends to sleep on her side for it, paranoia of choking and suffocating clouding her brain yet, from the time her nostrils were clogged with Naloxone and and her lungs constricting and her heart stopping— Jacob bumps her if he hears her snore, pulling her to his chest, turning her on her shoulder if needs be.

If both do, who snores the loudest? —

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? If they get to spend the night with one another, they share.

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? They start off a bit further off, but cozy up to each other if one or both get nightmares of times still fresh in mind.

What do they wear to bed? Usually, they simply wear the clothes they had on during the day in various states of undress, for if they are sleeping outside of Jacob’s private lodgings, either or both may need to scramble out in a haste.

Are either of them insomniacs? Jacob; Jo is an actual log. ( “I don’t think you sleeping in for that long is good for ya’, pup.” Joanne can only snort: “So is napping for three hours a night, but I’m not gonna start.” )

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Joanne has pledged to never take any kind of drug if she wasn’t in mortal peril or doesn’t have her hands tied, resorting to herbal remedies to lessen the weariness. Jacob, too, shares this sentiment, but refuses Jo’s minty shit, fuck.

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Joanne hooks her leg across Jacob like a lifeline. He doesn’t complain.

Who wakes up with bed hair? Jacob; the Herald has a face-full of braids, too.

Who wakes up first? Jacob. Joanne hates the early morning shift when he rises from bed.

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? Not prepares, per se, but Jacob does drop something pre-made or snack-y on her lap when she starts to stir.

What is their favourite sleeping position? They definitely tend to spoon ( Jo likes being the big spoon, tracing the scars littering Jacob’s torso. ) Joanne sometimes snuggles into Jacob while he’s laying on his back, too.

Do they set an alarm each night? Jacob has a strong internal clock, waking himself up at the slightest creak, so he doesn’t usually have a need for an alarm. To Jo, Jacob is the alarm clock; be it him pulling the curtains, pulling the sheets, or pulling her closer to him in the morning when their time is running out and they have to part ways.

Who has nightmares? Both of them. Jacob dreams of a raised hand and a child's wail, of a flaming barn and violent shouts. Most times, he hears Miller’s laugh, and that haunts him more than the carcass he reduced him to. Phantom gun shots make him jolt in bed as if shot, and Jo reminds him that you’re dreaming and it’s okay; I got you. On the flip side, Jacob sometimes wakes to the sound of Joanne nearly death rattling. It unsettles him, makes him wonder how she must feel when he is the one trying to spring to life as she does when he shakes at her, telling her to breathe. She always does, in the end, but it leaves her shaking and clutching at him for support.

Can a television be found in their bedroom? “Can you please turn off the monitor, at least for now?” Jacob pushes her swatting hands away with a huff. “No can do, Jo.” ( He has six more hanging in his room, besides the aforementioned. )

Who has ridiculous dreams? Joanne had once shared one of her dreams with Jacob, and the ingrained look he gave her prevented her from sharing any more of them.

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Joanne may as well be making snow-angels if it wasn’t for Jacob caging her in.

Who makes the bed? Jacob, with a deep, resigned sigh fixes the bundled up sheets once Jo decides to finally step—fall—out of his bed.

What time is bed time? In the early AMs.

Any routines/rituals before bed? Joanne tries to take care of her hair as much as she can, what with the mud and grime and blood Hope County rubs into her scalp and her braids on the daily. Jacob double-checks everything before going to sleep, from looking at security footage to radioing his Chosen to confirm one thing or another.

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Joanne by far; Jacob actually smiles when she throws a pillow at him.

WORK

Who is the busiest? On average: Jacob. Yet, oftentimes, Joanne gets sent on lengthy errands that take up half of her week.

Who rakes in the highest income? Jacob can dip his hand into the Cult’s fund, if he so wished, without much complain from John.

Are any of them unemployed? Technically speaking—both of them.

Who takes the most sick days? Jacob and Joanne don’t really know what it means to slow down if they have duties they must uphold, cold or flu be damned.

What are their jobs? Jacob runs the cult’s security, whilst Joanne is waiting for the second to leave the County and turn in her badge for good; helping out a Resistance by doing unlawful things is too much of an anchor for her mental health.

Who sucks up to their boss? Joanne, at first, when she finally lands the job she never thought she’d get, what with her history of drug abuse ( that had been painted way prettier than it actually was for the sake of entering the Academy. ) But once the Reaping began, Joanne felt less and less inclined to participate in all the bloodshed while still having her badge, oftentimes even ignoring direct orders from the Sheriff himself. And, Jacob—well. He doesn’t suck up to Joseph, but he does follow his orders obediently—unless they involve Joanne; he likes to detour.

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Joanne; she doesn’t comprehend how Jacob, preoccupied as he always seems to be, is able to be where he needs to be as punctually as he is.

Who stresses the most? Jo is easily aggravated, and some minor inconveniences makes her loose it. Jacob just tuts at her nature, finding it more amusing than irritating most of the time.

Do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Jacob doesn’t enjoy it as much as he sees it as a necessary sacrifices to perform his duties, while Jo grows to despise her job, for the people of Hope County expect her to gun down and demolish Peggies at the drop of a hat unprovoked, just because she’s the Junior Deputy. ( Apparently, that means she is in her right to snap a neck of an unsuspecting Peggie, according to some members of the Resistance. Jo would argue with that fiercely. )

Are they financially stable? Yes.

HOME

( Going to skip since they don’t live together. )

MISCELLANEOUS

Is money a problem? For Jacob, money hasn’t been a problem since his brothers resurfaced. For Jo, however, money has never stopped being an issue, not after her funds have been drained by her addiction for so many years.

How many cars do they own? Jacob can have a pick of any of the vehicles the cult has to offer. Joanne, running along the same lines, but with more stealing and hijacking involved, owns an ATV she has had to fix up more times than she could count, an RHIB she stole from one of the coastal guards and keeps in the Silver Lake Boathouse, and a car Dutch had provided her with that she uses to blare all her top hits from.

What’s their song? NFWMB by Hozier (lmao)

Do they live in the city or in the country? County.

Do they own their home or do they rent? Jacob owns several properties to his name ( Thanks, John ) and Jo has made Johnson’s Lookout Tower her home—with a lot of cleaning and refurbishing involved.

Do they enjoy their surroundings? Both of them love the outdoors, and Hope County has a lot to offer in that regard.

What do they do when they’re away from each other? Joanne assists people in need most of the time. Otherwise, she indulges herself in the freedom she has to roam about however she likes, be it cruising through the Henbane or chilling about Dutch’s Island, scouring the patch of land for supplies. Jacob performs his role as one of Joseph’s Heralds, training his soldiers, sniffing out the Whitetails, attending his brother’s sermons in order to keep an eye on him, planning and mapping out how to go about when Joseph’s supposed prophecy will come into fruition.

Where did they first meet? The catastrophic Church arrest wasn’t the first time they’ve laid eyes on one another, interestingly enough. Joanne has had a run-in with John Seed near his barely-finished ranch at the beginning of the summer, an affair of a volatile Peggie disrupting the peace in Holland Valley, and the lawyer having to jump in to save the nervous man’s hide. In the driver’s seat of John’s white pick-up, blue eyes stared intently at the interaction between his brother and the new Deputy, cataloging her features and her manner, the way her jaw seldom relaxes when John places a friendly tattooed hand upon her shoulder, the teasing roll of her title evoking nothing but an irritated brow to rise. Seeing as how the situation has been defused and dragged out, Jacob Seed had leaned his head out the rolled-down window, barking at John to get a move on since Joseph is waiting. The heavy gaze of the Junior Deputy still sears at his skin as he shifts back into drive.

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Both of them don’t tend to burn money, only focusing on necessities and some odd trinkets here and there.

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Jo had flashed her ( stolen ) helicopter in front of one of Jacob’s outpost, and it took everything in him to cease fire on the chopper.

Any mental issues? Jacob has PTSD, including some other disorders here and there, laying just beneath the surface. Jo has unresolved trauma of her own, among other things caused by long-term drug use.

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Joanne will crack up every single time the composed soldier loses his footing. Every. Single. Time. And get payback for it.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Neither.

Who kills the spiders around the house? The spiders and these two live in harmony; it just can’t be helped when you live on the countryside.

Do they have any fears for their future? Loads, although Jacob is more at peace with the inevitable. Jo, on the other hand, frets about her future outside the county, about the off-chance Joseph is right, about whether or not her and Jacob could last, will last. About what would happen if people from both sides find out about their affair.

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Joanne; she can cook up a storm when she’s in the mood.

Who pays the bills? None of them, at the moment, do.

Who’s the tallest? Jacob, by nearly a whole foot.

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? After some time, Jo finds that Jacob has no shame whatsoever; and for good reason,

Who wanders around in their underwear? Both of them do, Joanne more often than not.

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Up Where We Belong by Joe Cocker is simply belted out as Joanne rows through her shooting assailants, trying to ignore the sickening squelches of the run-over bodies by positively screaming where the eagLES CRY—

What do they tease each other about? These two assholes hold nothing back, their teasing coming out as pure, unadulterated jabs. About Jacob’s scars or Joanne’s anger issues and impulses. His hair and her fevered face. His demeanor and her short height.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Jacob knows that Joanne doesn’t really have many insecurities about her appearance, but sometimes, he just can’t help but wonder about what sort of thought process occurred in that head of hers to wear that.

Who crushed first? Jacob. It took Jo a little while, but it wasn’t long until she was positively consumed by him.

Any alcohol or substance related problems? Joanne has had a severe drug addiction since she was fifteen; joining the police force seemed like an ideal way to go straight and help rehabilitate people suffering from the same things she has. Currently, she’s been clean for two years, excluding a few times with Sharky that involved Oregano here and there. Jacob, on the other hand, had tipped into the bottle a few times after his discharge, but has since forsaken drinking himself into oblivion since his rough period.

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Joanne—there’s no doubt about it.

Who swears the most? They both swear equally as much, but Jacob makes it sound classy, somehow.

( I am so, so sorry if someone actually read through this ugly monstrosity. I just wanted to establish some of their details for myself, hence, this fucking fanfic-sized ask. )

#tag meme #oc: get to know jo #deputy joanne burton #jacob seed x joanne burton #lengthy and boring and self-indulgent #far cry 5 oc #female deputy #my stuff #otp: dark rabbit & red wolf

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granadilla · 4 years ago

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hello I’m late but 💘💘💘

one color you remind me of: you remind me of teal blue! i don’t think i need to explain why hehe but i’m gna...every time i see blue tissue paper i just think of the package i sent you (was it the first or second package, anyways that one was my fave tbh 🤗) and it was really so much fun to pack it up for you! 🥺 so #07e7f2! also #fff30d cuz you’re my sun 😌💓☀️ literally i don’t know anyone as kind and caring as you + your smile is the brightest thing on this earth! no 🖨 just 📠! sorry i don’t make the rules!

three things that come to mind when i think of you: traveling! universal/disney! that feeling when you’re with your loved ones and you kinda distance yourself just to watch them and realize how much they truly mean to you (like just them goofing around and you’re just like “ily guys sm”)! (breaking the rules here to do more) driving and singing along to your fave songs! playing board games and getting Really competitive (ik heads up isn’t a board game but i can just picture you acting things out and being super animated as you try and get your team the point)! foodie dates w/ friends! (breakfast, brunch, lunch.. you name it and i bet miss joann knows the best place in town to hit up based on what type of food you want or what type of ~ aesthetic ~ and vibe the place has)! i think abt the happiness you get when you get to eat your favorite food or the happiness when you try a new food/restaurant and realize it’s going to be one of your faves! i also think abt japan! and cali! cherry blossoms! i think abt rowoon wearing that yellow shirt from like predebut (or really early on) when they went to an amusement park cuz that’s the icon you had when we first started to talk to each other! i think abt songs with great beats because ik you love them! matcha flavored anything and everything! slime videos! fx! day6! onf! clc! golcha! nam joohyuk! bands in general! target/costco runs w/ fam or friends! your iconic halloween costumes! (was your lilo one for halloween?) your voice (ik it sounds goofy but i love your voice so much) ! the tv show the good place! atla! coldplay! this list is getting so long...but just know i associate you with A Lot! 💓🤧

five random songs for you to listen to: wolf (ft. quiñ) by miguel ; cranes in the sky by solange ; hangang by hoody ; solitary by mondo grosso ; rendezvous by years & years!

#OK THIS TOOK LONGER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD!! replying to texts now!!#also mondo grosso song has weird masks in the mv so don’t click on it and just listen on apple! ill send it after i reply to ur texts 🤪

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: you done 🐕🏃? Janis: yeah, just about Janis: what you up to? Jimmy: how long for? Jimmy: ages? Janis: I'm walking my last lot now so Janis: where's the 🔥 dickhead Jimmy: at the 🏖 Jimmy: you wanna come or what? Janis: oh, alright for some Janis: finally put your 😎 to some real use Jimmy: will do in a bit Jimmy: if we EVER leave 🏠 Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: can't find your best 👙? Janis: 💔 Jimmy: I'm waiting for you, obvs Jimmy: get a move on ☀️ girl Janis: alright, why not Jimmy: not gonna 🏃 my own 🐕 am I? Jimmy: earn your 💰 Jessica Janis: 🖕 Janis: she might be my fave customer but you're my least fave owner so Janis: drags her well ⬇ Jimmy: 😏 Janis: poor pup Jimmy: she won't be 💔 now you're going Janis: goes without saying Janis: have to deal with how #gutted you are Jimmy: sit next to my 🤬 sister then, can't I? Jimmy: 🥇 company Janis: what's making her 🤬 today Janis: besides you Jimmy: needs nowt else Jimmy: I'd be 😒 if I didn't have a top mate to bring Janis: fair Janis: been on enough outings with my siblings shit mates in tow Janis: least you can tell her I won't be all over you or anything this time Jimmy: did do, only reason she agreed, DUH Jimmy: nowt to do with how bored she is Janis: welcome to the real 🌍 init Jimmy: You'd reckon I invited Ian and Sharon how she's going on Jimmy: try and do a 🏆 big brother of the year thing Jimmy: just chuck myself in front of the train instead Janis: top starving artist thing though Janis: can't be appreciated in your own lifetime Jimmy: be about right, that Jimmy: and I get that I'm not really making this #goals so if you don't wanna it's alright Jimmy: as sales pitches go Janis: we're all bored, like Janis: but yeah, get your dad to give you some pointers when he's having his #mantoman Jimmy: bit late, I've had that Janis: oh, yeah? Jimmy: any chance to be a bellend, he don't hang about Jimmy: got in there soon as you pissed off Janis: wow, showing Shaz a well good time then Janis: 🙄 Janis: look forward to when she tells me all about that #justbetweenusgirls Jimmy: she weren't there long after you, mission accomplished ✔ Jimmy: you might be going dress shopping with the next one, soz like Janis: 👍 Janis: as long as she's a bleach blonde, not fussy Jimmy: neither's he, you're alright Janis: #fated? Jimmy: gonna get the bleach out, are you? Jimmy: don't reckon the ☀'ll do enough for you Janis: rude, just 'cos I'm getting a new best mate Janis: don't be jealous Jimmy: just looking forward to you having a tan that ain't out of a bottle tbh Janis: not that twin Janis: your 💌 got lost Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: emojis is her preferred method of communication Jimmy: I'll leave her a youtube comment, make yourself scarce, tah Janis: I'm going 🏖 Janis: fill your boots Jimmy: bit of a weird coincidence, that Janis: yeah, if you invite her, I'll be 🤬 as well Jimmy: What would I invite her for? Jimmy: don't need a babysitter Janis: hmm Jimmy: alright, dickhead Jimmy: do you wanna be uninvited? Janis: don't be a 👶 and prove my point, boy Janis: I'll 🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: lasses mature faster, that ain't my fault, only an actual proven point Janis: we'll leave out you ain't hit puberty if it's all the same to you Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: oh THAT'S why my skin's so clear Jimmy: no need to drop my #nighttimeroutine now Janis: such a twat Jimmy: yeah and? Janis: 🤐 yourself Jimmy: but I LOVE a bit of feedback, me Jimmy: ask Bill's 👻 Janis: you NEVER take his notes, liar Jimmy: bollocks do I not Jimmy: always 👂 to him Janis: why you so crap at fake dating then? 🤔 Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm 🥇 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you'd said it before now Jimmy: if any dickhead's lying, it's you Janis: I said it 'cos I'm 🥇 Janis: 😉 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: don't be grumpy Janis: if you were shit, we wouldn't still be doing it Jimmy: you started it Jimmy: marding at me 'cause my balls ain't dropped Janis: stop it Janis: lesbian would be a preferable rep Jimmy: til you've got 💀👑 after you Janis: you want me to say it's better than 12 year olds? Janis: 'cos obviously but fuck off Jimmy: 😏 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: you wanna leave it out now? Janis: oh, I get it Jimmy: ? Janis: trying your #daddy bit again Jimmy: you wish, girl Janis: *👶girl Jimmy: 🤢 Janis: how rude Jimmy: I'm not fake calling you that, don't care if it's bad manners Janis: 🤷 Janis: if you don't wanna make 💀👑 💚🤢 Jimmy: I can do without that bollocks Janis: go 🥇 or go home Janis: could do without all of it really Jimmy: I am 🏠 hurry up, like Janis: I'm on my way, keep your 😎 on Jimmy: keep your 🧢 on, Joanne Jimmy: oh no hang on, you're fucked it's ⛅ Janis: nah, you're alright Janis: straightened it Jimmy: sounds fake Jimmy: if you're gonna bother lying 🥉 at least Janis: words have an impact Janis: think before you bully Jimmy: 📷 do an' all Jimmy: show us Janis: keen Jimmy: to show you up as talking bollocks Jimmy: always Janis: for me to show up Janis: definitely Jimmy: that'd do an' all Janis: sweet Janis: one more drop off Jimmy: the 🍬🍬 are for the journey but alright you can have one before if you don't say owt to the others Janis: you know me Janis: 🤐 always Jimmy: which 🐕 is it? Janis: not your rival Janis: the fat pug thing Jimmy: were gonna say bring it instead of ours but nah Janis: poor thing breathes worse than you 🚬 Jimmy: every lass would be shitting themselves that there's a perv on the train Janis: another one, anyway Jimmy: Oi, it's just my ☠ lungs Jimmy: stop making me breathless and we'll be alright Janis: unless you truly have invited the gals on a road trip, you won't have to fake that Jimmy: 🥇💡 Jimmy: too late or? Janis: you joking? they need 3-5 business days to get ready for school and we have a fucking uniform Jimmy: 🤡 me Jimmy: you know that Janis: yeah Janis: we could do something like that though, might be useful Jimmy: should probably ask 'em what they're doing a bit an' all Janis: you can do that Jimmy: tah very much Janis: you're better at it Jimmy: dunno if that's a compliment or an insult but alright Janis: take it as a compliment so you take on all the work Janis: I just Janis: I hate them more than you do Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I know Janis: take the 🥇 and 😇 Jimmy: not til I say we don't have to go to whatever bollocks party they're 🗨 about at a guess Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: I can fake something here 🏠 whenever Jimmy: and you're still 🥇 Janis: I can handle it Jimmy: obvs Jimmy: but we're trying to make shit easier, that's the whole plan, and all I'm saying Janis: and trying to fuck their shit up, all I'm saying Jimmy: okay Janis: if I didn't wanna do it no more, I'd tell you Jimmy: Good Janis: yeah Jimmy: I'll leave it out now Janis: it's whatever Janis: I'm on my way to yours now, sorry took so long Jimmy: 👍 Janis: more meant to the kids than you tbh Jimmy: I'll tell 'em how 💔 you are that they got to watch telly for a bit longer then Janis: well, nothing worse than hanging about whilst the adults piss about doing fuck knows Jimmy: I've been doing fuck loads, first off Jimmy: second of all, Cass is outvoted on wanting you to piss off in the other direction so Janis: I bet Janis: having a ☕ putting the 🧺 out taking some well important well long 📞s Jimmy: 45 not 85 tah very much Jimmy: you'll have me 🌱 next Janis: selfish of you not to 🌧 Jimmy: don't reckon 👦 and 🐕 who are both ✔🏖 would see it like that Jimmy: probably call it a dickhead move 💔🎻 Janis: that's a self-explanatory sign, I remember Jimmy: when you get here he wants to 🗨 about sandcastles Jimmy: you* Jimmy: I'll just say you're 🏆🥇👑 nowt to worry about Janis: well I actually am so don't you be chatting shit about me Janis: I'll know Jimmy: 🙈 🙉 🙊 Janis: he's my little mate Janis: dob you well in Jimmy: he would Janis: bless Janis: better be nice to me then Jimmy: I said about 🍬🍬 what else do you want? Janis: it's a start Janis: can see as we go Jimmy: still high maintenance as a mate then Janis: you want one who'll be friends with any dickhead, do you Jimmy: can't even fake that being a yeah to wind you up Janis: feel 🍀 Jimmy: you should Janis: HA Jimmy: steady on, you'll hurt yourself Janis: I'm outside whenever you're ready Jimmy: [comes out and over to her to touch the curls like oh hey you're still there then] Janis: [😏 and bats his hand away like obviously I did not] Jimmy: [Twix running out like HEY GAL v excited] Janis: [give her some love 'we going on the bus or train or what?'] Jimmy: [just shouting your sister like if they don't hurry up we're not going anywhere vibes because doing his head in already lol] Janis: [just doing the 😬 face] Jimmy: [makes you 😏 in spite of everything] Janis: [gestures to her mouth like, you did promise me sweets though] Jimmy: [obvs chucks them at her] Janis: [taking two and putting her finger to her lips] Jimmy: [the kids appearing as soon as she's eaten them so the secret is safe] Janis: [chat to Bobby about these sandcastles] Jimmy: [he wants to know if you've got skills gal] Janis: [just like 'course I do, let's make a better one than him lol] Jimmy: [competition is definitely happening, we must] Janis: [fosho] Jimmy: [I wonder how long this train ride is, I hope it's not awkwardly long lol] Janis: [there's beaches near enough it shouldn't be crazy] Jimmy: [at least you've got the dog and kids to distract you lads] Janis: [just being so sociable rn] Jimmy: [we know it's because there's a vibe between you too but I'm still here for this family unite so go ahead and #bond babe] Janis: [you'd try anyway 'cos not a prick but this is helping can't lie so pop off] Jimmy: [always nice to see another side of him too so I'm about it, we should probably let Bobby win this sandcastle contest soz Cass] Janis: [you can slay all the arcade games don't be too fuming] Jimmy: [don't kick his sandcastle down he will be devvo] Janis: [ahh the drama, so arcades, ice cream, candyfloss, the little rides they have at the beach, sandcastles, chips, anything else?] Jimmy: [getting chased by seagulls and Twix chasing them, having to get her when she legs it into the sea and it being freezing lol] Janis: [should be near the end so they then have to wait to dry off, anyway, all of this has the potential to be awks, like anything they inadvertently end up doing as a pair] Jimmy: [when you're so in love and in a rom com that you can't stop having romantic moments] Janis: [not like you can just ignore each other the whole day, would be weird] Jimmy: [soz again Cass you still gonna be 🙄 even though they're not smooching] Janis: [ugh, so cringe] Jimmy: [Jimothy 100000% has to get her a shit thing from the arcade with his tokens because she gave him that bed screw after school trip so it's his turn for a memento] Janis: [a must] Jimmy: [you two are cute nerds] Janis: [when you've not had close friends or a boyfriend so all of this is so confusing like is this how it's meant to be or what] Jimmy: [and she doesn't even have anyone she can talk to about it, soz for doing this to you babe] Janis: [can't really put the feelers out like hey] Jimmy: [especially not with him because he'd be like obvs this is fine, because you're not gonna be like no actually I'm in love with you so] Janis: [we're not doing that again] Jimmy: [at least you'll have an excuse to snuggle after being in the freezing sea] Janis: [true] Jimmy: [Twix shaking all over Bobby who is the only one who didn't get in the sea like thanks for that babe we're all wet and cold now] Janis: [oh Twix] Jimmy: [she's living her best life, oblivious to all this JJ drama] Janis: [I like to think there's a stop that's a few before theirs that is closer to the farm so just hopping off there like you ever go home] Jimmy: 👍? Janis: yeah, it was fun, cheers Jimmy: didn't make me wanna 💀💀💀 Jimmy: must've been Janis: practically a 5🌟 review Jimmy: I won't tweet it out but Jimmy: you can have a 🏆 for it Janis: you already gave it to me Jimmy: have another one then Jimmy: for the road or whatever Janis: do you have enough 🎫s Jimmy: they're all asleep, I can be nice to you now Janis: yeah? Janis: you've been pretty nice Jimmy: [a picture of them all snoozing on this train like see] Jimmy: you don't reckon I can be any nicer? bit rude Janis: Bless Janis: 🤞 they bring that chill home but won't hold my breath for you Janis: I'm sure you can Janis: whether you will is a different question Jimmy: don't matter, I can chuck 'em at Ian in a bit Jimmy: Oi, why wouldn't I? Janis: you're pretty busy Jimmy: what kind of fake boyfriend or real mate? Janis: 🥇brother Jimmy: I ain't got a mug, can't be Janis: should've looked Janis: must've been one with all the kiss me quick shit Jimmy: I'll get our kid set up 🎨 keep him busy crafting so I'm not too busy for you Janis: can use all the 🐚s he got Jimmy: don't fancy drinking a brew out of a 🐚 but I'll have him crack on with one for you 🧜 Janis: you should ™ it now, we're only a trend or two away Jimmy: might be a way to get 💀👑 and her mates on side, tah Janis: they'll be all about the salt water, DUH Jimmy: 🥇💡 Janis: think even your sister had a good time though Janis: between the 😒🙄 Jimmy: she's probably moved from 🤬 to 😠 scale wise Janis: take it as a win Jimmy: you can do Janis: 🏆 you said Jimmy: don't worry I'm not taking it back Jimmy: you earned it Janis: you can try Janis: already on my shelf with all my others Janis: not find it now Jimmy: too 💪 for me to have a go an' all, you Janis: 🤔 Janis: now you're being too nice and it's weird Jimmy: Hang on, I'll wake my sister and slag you off for a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: can give me the notes when you're done Jimmy: you know I can't write Jimmy: no need for you to be mean Janis: voice notes exist Jimmy: you can just say you miss me, mate Jimmy: it's alright Janis: how could I Janis: literally just left Jimmy: your accent kink were unlocked ages ago Janis: if I had one, I'd have better taste 😏 Jimmy: the whole north is 💔😭🎻 girl Jimmy: 🤞 you're proud of yourself Janis: you show me your fit long lost cousins, I'll take it back Jimmy: if I find 'em I'll be too busy arranging a lift home to chuck 'em at you Janis: rude but fair Jimmy: crack on after if you fancy Janis: don't really need your permission Jimmy: you put your sister off limits, I can do the same Janis: immediate family only Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: that only gives me Ian Janis: and he's well 😍 Janis: appreciate my struggle Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you've got some fit sisters AND a gay brother Janis: you piss off Janis: no I don't Jimmy: none of 'em? 💔 Jimmy: your fit mum'll have to do then Janis: shut up Jimmy: @ her I'll be over for my tea in a bit and I don't eat nowt like 🥦🌽🥕 Janis: you're the least funny person I've ever met Jimmy: 🤡💔😭 Janis: 🖕🔥💀 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: alright, ALL my attention's back on you Janis: why would I want that Jimmy: you don't have to want it to get it, Jill Janis: 🙄 you telling me things I know now Jimmy: head that big we'd never 🗨 if I didn't Janis: and what a tragedy that would be 👻🖋 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: I'll go to sleep an' all then 🤞 we'll miss our stop and end up somewhere more #goals Jimmy: 👋🏠 Janis: unlikely Janis: don't go 🌙 Jimmy: worth a 🎯 Janis: that was what I reckoned but weren't buzzing for me so Jimmy: make Ian 😤 when he has to come fetch us if nowt else Janis: worth it Jimmy: 👍 night Janis: whatever idiot Jimmy: parting IS such sweet sorrow with you 💕 Jimmy: so lovely to me Janis: you want gutted I can offer a tweet or an insta post Jimmy: stick with 🖕🔥💀 it's more real Janis: that it is, mate Jimmy: no need to take over telling me shit I know Janis: 👍 Janis: sweet dreams then Jimmy: tah Janis: hmu when you wanna do something fake Jimmy: lasses first Jimmy: loads of options in the group 🗨 Janis: well I got some 📸 today I can make look goals Jimmy: #same Jimmy: can fake you're here as long as 💀👑 ain't at yours when you get back Jimmy: might make it a bit harder if she 👀 you Janis: unless she's that 😍 she sees me everywhere Jimmy: 🤢🤢 Jimmy: be about right, that Janis: don't chat like I'm not a top mirage Jimmy: weren't me saying nowt Janis: hmm Jimmy: I rate you, I've said Jimmy: don't rate her 😍💕🔪 with you Janis: Bill probably does Jimmy: @ him for his review Janis: might be the storyline he goes with Janis: if one of us pretends to be a lad for a bit or whatever Jimmy: does LOVE a bit of that but you'd still end up with a lad by the end though Jimmy: if you're not 💀💀💀 Janis: obviously 💀💀💀 Jimmy: go on and make me feel less special, dickhead Janis: never promised you're the only one that dies Jimmy: you can't be my Juliet and some other lass Jimmy: for or with 💀👑 Janis: stick to the script, yeah Jimmy: 🖋🩸 not ✏️ Janis: where's your chainmail look then Jimmy: Oi, least shout me a drink first Janis: I'm with the astronaut not fannying about getting you drinks Jimmy: bit rude Janis: talk about rude Janis: you're gatecrashing Jimmy: I'll piss off then Jimmy: know where I ain't 💕 Janis: have you not seen the 1996 classic or what Janis: main plot point there Jimmy: Leo's dead distracting, who can follow owt going on with the plot Janis: it's my parent's party, you, your cousin and your mates gatecrash 'cos you're off your tits Janis: astronaut is my fiance and you're well in love with this other girl, 'til we 👀 through a massive fish tank Jimmy: Oh Bill, he don't know you're the pisshead, well awkward Jimmy: I remember that bit 🐠 🐟 Jimmy: must be the fish kink you said I had Janis: see Janis: 💫 Jimmy: Who's the dickhead you're marrying? Janis: Paul Rudd Janis: well in, tbh Jimmy: does the lass I dump for you even get a face? Janis: nah Janis: you're that dickhead Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: be like my ex who you've only got my word for existing Janis: she is my cousin and all, why you're at the party Janis: which is a bit rude to bin her off there and then but Janis: 🐠 🐟 kink Jimmy: I told you it shouldn't only be immediate family off limits, Jules Jimmy: you weren't having none of it Janis: don't matter Janis: you don't even speak to her before reckoning you're well 😍 Jimmy: finally sounds like me Jimmy: nice one Bill Janis: 'course Janis: he is well mopey Jimmy: DUH, not just him 'cause I'm the lad Jimmy: if the 😭 fits Janis: try out for Hamlet next, boy Jimmy: don't reckon that's the school play on offer Jimmy: but I'll have a word Janis: please do Janis: Shane who's had every lead since we were 👶 would piss himself Jimmy: only if you're at the front to 👏 and chuck 🌹 at us Jimmy: very shy, me Janis: like fuck are you Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: you're practically an exhibitionist Jimmy: Dunno what you've 👂 or 👀 Jimmy: but that sounds well fake Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👌👌 Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Janis: not like I've ended up nearly naked at a party 'cos of you or nothing Jimmy: that weren't deliberate Janis: nah? Jimmy: it means nowt but I'm heavy handed and that dress weren't worth the 💰 Janis: nicked it anyway Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: and you never flashed nobody 'cause I gave you my jacket Jimmy: what kind of exhibitionist would do that? Janis: joke 🤡 Jimmy: Oi don't be calling me a joke Janis: would be a compliment, if I were Jimmy: how would it? Janis: clowns are meant to be funny Jimmy: funny weren't what you said Janis: what's a joke if not funny Jimmy: you're taking the piss, not giving me a compliment Jimmy: might be thick but I can work out the difference Janis: so you know I was saying I was joking and you're being picky about nothing right now Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: 👍 Janis: you're the one being a dick but alright Jimmy: nah you're the one winding me up about something I already feel 😳 about Janis: why Janis: not like I actually care or cared Jimmy: shut up about it then Janis: fine, jesus christ Jimmy: 👍 Janis: don't be about it alright Jimmy: what? Janis: 😳 Janis: no need Jimmy: you said you were gonna stop going on about it Janis: I'm just saying Jimmy: no need Janis: okay Jimmy: 👌 Janis: they're not here by the way Janis: so pretend I'm there Jimmy: Alright Janis: cool Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: not going nowhere far so it don't count as covering Jimmy: weren't asking Jimmy: it's a piss easy job when it don't drag on Janis: ? Jimmy: faking that we're 🏠💕 Janis: alright, thrilled for you then Jimmy: save the enthusiasm for when we've got 👀🍿 Janis: I get it Jimmy: nowt to get, I don't need 👏🏆🌹 for this Janis: you want me to piss off Jimmy: sounds like you've got somewhere to be Janis: so we can't 💬 Jimmy: do you want to? Jimmy: 'cause it didn't sound like it Janis: that was you Jimmy: you started it Janis: no I never Jimmy: yeah you did Jimmy: 1. jumping off the train without even a 😘 2. getting engaged to Paul Rudd 3. being a dickhead to me Janis: 1. I said bye 2. if you were paying attention you'd know we was already 👰🤵 before I could be forced to marry him 3. you're a bigger dickhead to me Jimmy: very convenient all that Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: What are you doing other than 🙄 at me for nowt? Janis: going for a run Jimmy: so how do you reckon we're gonna 🗨? Jimmy: you gonna send me breathless voice memos or what? Janis: I don't get out of breath 'cos I'm not 🚬🍔🍻 Jimmy: *🥧🥔 first off Jimmy: second, not 🏃 hard or far enough then, are you? Janis: its called pacing Jimmy: next you're gonna try and lie to me that you don't sweat like that pervy prince Jimmy: it's called bollocks Janis: fine then, no one is about to force you Jimmy: What, to believe you? Weren't likely, my dear Janis: talk, prick Jimmy: I don't need to be forced, I only asked how you were gonna manage it whilst being SUCH an athlete Janis: talk to text, as if it matters Jimmy: was that so hard? Janis: why did you need tk know, just to be awkward Jimmy: it were an easy enough question Janis: fuck sake Jimmy: go on Jimmy: what have I done now? Jimmy: too nice a bit ago, too much of a dickhead after Janis: forget it Jimmy: Why, 'cause you don't wanna talk to me and you're just putting it on me like I don't or? Janis: if I didn't want to talk to you, I wouldn't be Jimmy: What then? Janis: it's just Janis: weird Jimmy: it's always been weird Jimmy: you're my fake girlfriend Janis: too weird maybe Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: that I duon't reckon this is gonna work Janis: don't* Jimmy: which bit? Janis: being mates Jimmy: So what, you just wanna treat this like another job? Janis: yeah, I guess Janis: be easier Janis: and that's the point Jimmy: except I'm not a 🐕 that needs a piss but alright Janis: I'm not saying you are Jimmy: you're just saying that's what you wanna treat me like Jimmy: job done Janis: no, we don't have to be cunts to each other Janis: but I don't do friends, where are the rest of mine, like Janis: can't hack it Jimmy: you could've said before you spent the day becoming mates with my little brother Janis: I was trying Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'll sign that to him then, tah Janis: I didn't think it'd be this hard Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: it's you, I can't be around you Jimmy: so call it off Jimmy: but you reckon you're alright to be around me at some bollocks or owt else where you need a fake boyfriend Jimmy: party* Janis: if you don't want to do it no more then fine Jimmy: it's you who can't hack me Jimmy: I had a lovely time Janis: you know why Jimmy: I said no to fucking you once, there's why Janis: yeah, I already feel like a piece of shit for it, you don't need to do that for me Jimmy: how do you think I feel? that's all you want me for Janis: I don't do friends it ain't tat you wouldn't be a decent one Janis: that* Jimmy: right and as long as I can fake being a decent boyfriend, what does it matter? Jimmy: tah for the heads up Janis: obviously we're not going to do that no more Janis: I didn't want to just Janis: I don't know Jimmy: obviously I don't get a fucking say Jimmy: why would I 'cause you don't care what I want Janis: Yes I do Janis: that's why I did this, 'cos otherwise I was just lying to you Jimmy: bit late to chime in with that bollocks when you've already pissed all over everything Jimmy: but alright Janis: what else can I do Jimmy: nowt clearly 'cause you tried really hard for a day Janis: you shouldn't have to try to be someone's mate, would you, that's the whole point Jimmy: you shouldn't have said you were up for it if you weren't Janis: nah Jimmy: 📞 that dickhead, bet he'll have another go at ending this for us Janis: don't, alright Jimmy: soz, you've probably 💭🥇💡 while I were pissing about on the 🏖 Jimmy: go on Janis: No, I haven't Janis: I had a good time too, it's not about that Jimmy: let me know when you have then Jimmy: so I know what I'm going along with Janis: it doesn't matter, I don't care Jimmy: you're not gonna pull your weight with this either Jimmy: tah very much Janis: literally the furthest thing from my mind right now Janis: so sorry Jimmy: yeah, you gave out the apologies a bit ago, no need to tack that one on Janis: so what, I'm meant to keep hanging out with you all the time, and pretend I don't want to kiss you, that's normal, is it? Jimmy: how about I gave you 3 days and you can't even give me one Janis: what? Jimmy: I told you why I only wanted to be mates, that I didn't wanna fuck this up, and you're just cracking on with that anyway Janis: and it's me that only wants a fake boyfriend? Jimmy: yeah, THAT'S what I meant by any of that Janis: how would I know? all I know is I can't fake be all over you one second then barely talk to you the next Jimmy: I weren't asking you for that, I never have done Janis: that's exactly what we do Jimmy: bollocks is it Jimmy: I talk to you Janis: would you rather I lie about it Jimmy: if it means I don't get left with fuck all, I might do Janis: I get fuck all too Jimmy: that don't make me feel better, funnily enough Janis: there ain't nothing I can do that will Jimmy: you could not do this Janis: if that were true, I wouldn't have Jimmy: there's nowt else to say then Janis: alright Jimmy: just go Janis: I have Jimmy: stop talking to me, dickhead Janis: [shall I post? or are we skipping to whatever is next?] Janis: [how should we start whatever is next, for that matter?] Jimmy: [I was thinking maybe he could be drunk and feelsy because we've done her already but I don't know how to just kick that off like] Janis: [I had a similar thought that regardless it needs to come from him 'cos she's put it out there low-key twice now and has got ultimately a no response each time so, could go the route of it being a party and thus like, come fake, even if it's a no obvs 'cos can carry on the convo or you could commit to just starting the convo from the off] Jimmy: [when I was in your archive looking for beach stuff which I rudely never found I did find a convo where it was like he'd been locked out because there's a shortage of keys in that house always and forever thanks Cass and she ultimately helped him break in so I'm wondering if I can do something with that hmmm] Jimmy: [it was a whole #mood is why I'm considering it lol] Janis: [I vibe with that] Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: where's your 🔑 Jimmy: ???????? Janis: on my dog-walking keys with the rest of them Janis: why? Jimmy: 🏃🏠✔ Janis: no, didn't get that Jimmy: UGH Jimmy: just run here Janis: I've not got them on me, not walking dogs at this o'clock Janis: you lost yours? Jimmy: bring me a jacket then Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: is everyone at yours asleep? Jimmy: except Ian but it were him who chucked me out Jimmy: bit rude but Janis: alright, I'll come but I'm a bit away so you'll have to keep warm Janis: why'd he throw you out then? Jimmy: how? you don't do mates and I don't do 🏃 Jimmy: that's not why he chucked me out, don't care about my fitness Janis: not even on the spot? Janis: what about that 🍾you been drinking? not enough left to do the trick or what Jimmy: 🥂 very civilised Jimmy: I get it, you've forgotten who I am Jimmy: and you want me to chase my tail Jimmy: 🐕💔 Janis: dinner party, was it? Jimmy: you need mates for that, girl Jimmy: should've done 🐕💕 you'd like me more if I were Janis: I like you just fine Janis: and who needs mates, just steal your other glass 🥂 Jimmy: I'd have let you have it Janis: you're very generous, I've always said that Jimmy: I remember Jimmy: love a compliment, me, I remember them all Janis: 🧠 flex Jimmy: and you can't even tweet it Jimmy: 🎻😭😭 Janis: that is a tragedy, truly Janis: could do it for old times sake but Jimmy: there's loads of other things I'd rather do for old times sake before that Janis: 😱 tweeting weren't your fave Jimmy: I don't have a 🖋 can't do you a list Janis: s'alright, won't keep you warm and that's priority Jimmy: you'll keep me warm Jimmy: you'll be well warm when you've 🏃 here Janis: I'll get you in your gaff, yeah Jimmy: I don't want to be there Janis: no? Jimmy: DUH I should've kicked the door in like we did to Lucas', I didn't wanna scare him but he can't hear it, can he? Jimmy: turn back around, it's alright Janis: I reckon your house doors are a bit sturdier, don't do that, alright Jimmy: Cass won't be 🤬 she loves kicking a door in Jimmy: unless she thinks it's my mum coming back Janis: and your dad will be regardless Janis: it's not a good idea Jimmy: be a 🥇 entrance if it were here though Jimmy: her* Janis: pretty impressive Janis: have to at this point, right? Jimmy: 🍾 be out then Janis: yeah Jimmy: what are you doing? Janis: coming to get you, obviously Jimmy: but before Janis: with all my mates? Janis: nothing, really, just Janis: about Jimmy: 🧛 business Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: 🦇🩸 Janis: exactly Janis: if I told you I'd have to eat you Jimmy: just don't be biting anyone else Jimmy: I don't care what you do to me Janis: I haven't Janis: that kind of night, I get that, too Jimmy: on any night, don't Janis: it's very unlikely Janis: even though it's a bit mean you want me to starve Jimmy: I said you can have me Janis: you'd get me pissed right now Jimmy: wouldn't even cost you nowt Jimmy: 🥇 date, me Janis: cheap, too 😏 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: no 🎫 needed either Janis: quite the offer Jimmy: weren't enough for my ex Jimmy: I @ed her but she don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: there's a mate you could have Janis: reckon that's her loss Janis: but I'm alright for her Jimmy: #savage Janis: don't think she's dying to talk to me either, it's alright Jimmy: might be now I fucked this up an' all Janis: what do you mean? Jimmy: you can swap stories of how crap I am Janis: she fucked around on you, you've told me before, can't be your fault Jimmy: DUH 'cause I was crap Janis: you aren't crap Janis: this were my fault, remember Jimmy: no, it weren't Janis: of course it was Jimmy: of course it weren't Jimmy: you said why you pissed off, it were nowt to do with me, what were I gonna do, hold it against you forever Janis: you told me why you can't have that and it's probably a lot more valid than why I stropped off Jimmy: people leave me Jimmy: or wanna Jimmy: 🎻🎻 etc Janis: it's really fucked, about your mum, you don't need to act like it ain't Janis: I get why you reacted how you did Jimmy: you came back Jimmy: I didn't have to be a prick about it Janis: when I came back Janis: I made loads more mistakes too Jimmy: I didn't even ask if you were alright Jimmy: I haven't now either Janis: 'cos you know Janis: like I know Janis: we're clearly not alright, as people, are we Jimmy: owt could've happened to you and I just had a go, without waiting a sec or leaving it out for one Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: and I'm sorry I set you up to piss off again by reckoning you would Janis: it's alright Janis: nothing happened to me Janis: well, I'll tell you what it actually was, but I don't know if it'll sound like much now Janis: my dad, as Mia pointed out ages ago, died a few months back Janis: but before that he was a piece of shit and had loads of kids and fuck all to do with any of us for a proper amount of time Janis: and his mum likes to act like he was some saint, and one of his exes is clearly in the same boat and for some reason they've got it into their head we all need to get together as if he gave a shit about family when he was here or is gonna now Janis: that day they just showed up, when my mum weren't about, and wouldn't fuck off or shut up or get out my face so I just Janis: I can't even remember but my nan was on the floor like I'd stabbed her so I just had to go, no time to think or prepare anything Jimmy: 🍻 to shit dads Jimmy: I meant what I said, you can always stay here Jimmy: I'm still your mate even though you're not mine Janis: drink to that Janis: I meant what I said, or tried to say Janis: I wanna be your mate but I dunno how to be one or have one Jimmy: I know, and I'm not an expert myself, like Jimmy: it's different with lads and she were my mate, alright, but we weren't good mates to each other so Janis: you did a better job than me at any rate Janis: you were probably different before, yeah Janis: I was Jimmy: 🌧😒 still Jimmy: it were shit before an' all, just a different sort Janis: that's not gonna stop me wanting to be your friend, bit hypocritical Jimmy: just want you to know Jimmy: not sainting my mum, she were as bad as Ian when she were about Jimmy: alright, he's got worse since but Jimmy: 🌧🌧🌧 Janis: different shit, I hear you Jimmy: I didn't wanna get in over my head when you could just walk off again Jimmy: such bollocks Janis: understandable Jimmy: there's nowt I can do about how I feel Jimmy: or you Janis: no, there ain't Janis: but makes sense why you'd try Janis: half the reason I say no mates Jimmy: what's the other half, you just like being fit and mysterious? Janis: no, the, not knowing how to do it and not liking to be shit at things thing I mentioned Jimmy: you're not shit Jimmy: you said you were sorry you like me, but I'm sorry now you don't no more Jimmy: and I'm not sorry I like you Janis: It hasn't just turned itself off Janis: but it'd be unfair to have this conversation when you're wasted, wouldn't it Jimmy: depends Janis: go on Jimmy: 1. what I can remember when I ain't 2. if you're gonna make me 😭 Janis: exactly, can't and won't be holding you to anything you say tonight Janis: and don't wanna make you cry either, as a rule Jimmy: but Janis Janis: you never say my name Jimmy: there's loads I don't say Janis: I can tell that much Janis: you don't have to tell me anything Jimmy: can I? If I want? Janis: yeah Janis: of course Jimmy: okay Jimmy: I'm scared Janis: what of? Jimmy: not seeing you after this Janis: after this conversation, or like Janis: when you go Jimmy: both Janis: well, you'll see me after this conversation, I can promise that Jimmy: but not like before Janis: that can be a good or a bad thing Jimmy: yeah Janis: if you do remember, and you feel the same about any of it, then we can talk about that then, work it out Jimmy: what if I don't remember? Janis: you'll read this back, I'm sure Janis: whatever you said to your ex too Jimmy: have you forgotten I'm a MASSIVE dickhead Janis: met worse Janis: sorry 💔 Jimmy: you said you don't wanna make me 😭 Janis: 🤐 Janis: you're the worst person I've ever met Janis: better? Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 😏 Jimmy: do we have to go in? 🔑🏠 Janis: you should probably go in somewhere, to warm up Janis: but there's other places we can Jimmy: @ your nan who isn't evil Jimmy: tell her to put the kettle on Janis: maybe Janis: we'll see how quiet you're capable of being first Jimmy: what are you gonna be doing to me? Janis: oi, not like that Janis: more like she probably don't wanna have a chat with you but the spare room is basically mine so if you can 🤫 a tea ain't out the question Jimmy: what time is it? Janis: pretty late Janis: she ain't evil but she is 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Janis: you might 😭 Jimmy: like you Jimmy: cute Jimmy: is your mum on the scale an' all? Janis: not cute Janis: not really Janis: she's a bit of a hippie throwback but not all ✌&💕 Jimmy: that'll be why you live in the middle of nowt, I get it 🌳🌼🌻🌱 Janis: a longer story than that Janis: but cut short, my dad was such a dick, his granddad would rather live with and leave my ma a farmhouse than him, and that's what happened Jimmy: wish I could chuck Ian out for being a knobhead Janis: when you got enough to pay the bills Jimmy: gonna start chucking stones at your nan's window of a night Jimmy: have that spare room out from under you, girl Janis: 😂 Janis: I mean, really harsh to take my role and my balcony from me like that but I get it Jimmy: your granddad still about or what? Janis: yeah, unlucky Janis: if she don't fuck you up he will Jimmy: 💔 but not for her probably, just me Janis: Poor boy Jimmy: used to it, been dumped more times than I've had girlfriends Janis: explains why you're used to the #drama Jimmy: 🖋👻🎭 Janis: she can be rosaline then Jimmy: Bill would have one of his characters end up a child bride to their dad's best mate Janis: seriously, do need to ring someone about that Janis: remind me Jimmy: it's grim up north, babe Janis: so you keep telling me Jimmy: I get it, you wanna see for yourself Jimmy: I'll pack you in my bag Janis: 👍 Janis: why not Jimmy: 💕 Janis: how are you, are you still cold? Janis: I'm basically there now Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Janis: okay, I'll 🏃 this bit fast, hold on Jimmy: you're so Janis: shh Jimmy: you said I could tell you Jimmy: owt I want Janis: okay but I won't be replying Jimmy: 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 Janis: [show up gal] Jimmy: [😍 af] Janis: [immediately coming at him and putting your coat on him and hugging him really tight for the warmthing] Jimmy: [SUCH a hug and SUCH a happy sigh because you missed her so much] Janis: [just telling him it's alright over and over] Jimmy: [just not letting her go for the longest time and we know it's not because he was inappropriately dressed to be thrown out into the cold] Janis: [we're allowing it, before trying to get him to walk like come on then] Jimmy: [helping her like she's the one who needs it because sweet drunken nerd] Janis: ['you're an idiot' but in a purely affectionate way] Jimmy: ['you're a top runner' what a genuine and pure thing to say sir] Janis: ['thanks' amusment] Jimmy: ['it's alright' such a genuinely cute smile like] Janis: [can't help but smile back 'I'll get you another key done tomorrow, you can hide it somewhere for emergencies'] Jimmy: ['Dunno what you heard but I'm living with your fit nan now so'] Janis: [nudging him but very gently so he's not falling] Jimmy: [dramatically hitting the deck like he's been shot but extending his hand once he's down there like come lie with me not like help me up] Janis: [being like 'Jimmy!' and getting to his side so fast 'cos you think he's actually hurt himself so then you're 😒 'how about we wait 'til we're inside to lie down, yeah'] Jimmy: [popping back up v quickly but forlorn because you don't want her to be mad at you and touching that grumpy face v softly like hey no I'm okay it's fine] Janis: [cupping his own face 'don't scare me' like barely audible even though it's assumedly pretty quiet and you're the only people about] Jimmy: [shaking his head cos he didn't mean to and he doesn't want to ever and giving her another hug] Janis: [being like soz 'cos feeling like an overreaction now and shamed] Jimmy: [just snuggling her and being soft until she feels more chill, like hide against me gal it's okay because we understand] Janis: [just have a moment kids] Jimmy: [then have a walking and handholding moment] Janis: [get to mcvickers] Jimmy: [try not to anger this nan] Janis: [just putting him to bed and going to sneaky get a tea] Jimmy: [tbf all you'd have to say is that he got locked out and she'd be fine, we know the life she lived] Janis: [although #yesallmen lmao] Jimmy: [distrust of all y'all except her own bae] Janis: [fair tbh] Jimmy: [Caleb that's something else you did, you prick] Janis: [mhmm] Jimmy: [tea will make you feel better though Jimothy] Janis: [bring that up] Jimmy: [drinking it whilst 😍 because we're not hiding nothing tonight] Janis: [looking at him like what you looking at but knowing saying that would be dangerous rn] Jimmy: [just being like 'come here' even if she's already next to you and as close as she could physically be because you always wanna be closer than that] Janis: ['drink your tea' but sitting next to him on the bed instead of at the foot of] Jimmy: [does what he's told] Janis: [after a while 'how do you feel now?'] Jimmy: ['gutted there were no biscuits but I'll live'] Janis: [😏 'if you're actually hungry-' and half getting up] Jimmy: [lowkey probably is but stopping her from going and pulling her into him in one swag movement because priorities and having her on his lap is a shameless fave] Janis: [soft 'hey' forever] Jimmy: ['please don't leave' softer and quieter] Janis: ['you can go to sleep, and I'll still be here when you wake up' squeezing his hand in silent promise] Jimmy: [writing an o and a k on that hand with his other one but not moving other than that because we're having emotions] Janis: [laying down whilst in his lap so with her head on his chest and telling him it'll be alright again] Jimmy: [just have your snuggle kids] Janis: [lull that boy to sleep]

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mysteryofvampires · 6 months ago

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Heirs of the night incorrect quotes part three

Seamour: The risk I took was calculated, but, man, am I bad at math.

Luciano: You know you can die from that, right?

Malcolm: *smoking a cigarette* That's the point.

Inger: *drinking alcohol* We're trying to speed this up.

Lars: *eating raw cookie dough and nodding*

Fanny: I'm free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Lars: *trying to buy a father's day card at Hallmark*

Lars: Excuse me, do you have any that just sais "You are my dad"?

Associate: Well, I-

Lars: How about "You banged my mom?"

Associate: No...

Lars: You know what, I'll just get a blank one.

Lars: *writes* You are a father. This is a day. Here is a card.

(The only card his father deserves tbh)

Tammo: Is this your plan B?

Lars: Technically, this is plan P.

Tammo: Plan P? Is there a plan M?

Lars: Yes, but I marry Alisa in Plan M.

Alisa: I like plan M.

Malcolm: You spent all our money on THIS?

Inger, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

Lars: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives.

Alisa: I wake up at 4:30 AM every day to train.

Lars: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives.

Fanny: You're giving me a sticker?

Tammo: Not just a Sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me wow"!

Fanny: I'm not a preschooler.

Tammo: Fine, I'll take it back-

Fanny: I earned this, back off!

Nicu, ordering Starbucks: Hey, I just got my heart broken, what do you recommend?

Malcolm, who's running the drive through: Tequila...

Fanny, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Inger: Ok, I think it's time to turn off the game for a little while.

Fanny: But I'm having fun!

Alisa: What's worse than a heartbreak?

Joanne: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

Tammo: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

Seamour: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

Alisa: Kill him.

Fanny: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

Nicu: Don't trust everything you see on the internet.

Seamour: Pfft. What possibly nonesense could come from the internet? Oh. Did you know that the earth is actually flat.

Nicu: *takes away Seamour's phone* Yeah, that enough for you.

Fanny: You were wise to seek help from the world's most deadly weapon.

Fanny: It's me.

Luciano: When was the last time you cried?

Nicu: Uh, 15 minutes ago, why?

Luciano: Really? That recent?

Nicu: Yeah. *voicecrack* Is that an issue? *starts crying again*

Alisa: Is something burning?

Lars: My burning love for you of course!

Alisa: ...

Lars: ...

Lars: And the kitchen is on fire..

#heirs of the night #hotn #heirs of the night incorrect quotes #alisa von vamalia #lars af dracas #inger of dracas #fanny af dracas #ivy of lycana #luciano di nosferas #joanne de pyras #tammo von vamalia #seamour of lycana #nicu

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littlespoonevan · 5 years ago

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Honestly, I'm the same way. I'm in the middle of my MS program now and my PhD application is due later this year. I can't function properly if I dont have some sort of class or program or structure that's not work-relater. (Also craft stores like Joann often have Wilton classes for cake decorating. I took a couple with my mom, and they were a lot of fun!)

yes!!! like i just feel like i need some sort of goal that’ll have something tangible at the end of it, y’know?? i’ve seen the wilton ones advertised on facebook before but i don’t think they’re available in ireland. i’ve looked up baking/cake decorating classes where i live and tbh there isn’t really any i’ve found that aren’t basically college pastry courses run at night which i’d definitely consider but i’m v busy at work right now so i can’t commit to something like that until things settle down a bit on that front

#Anon #asks

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katsvra · 6 years ago

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Tagged by @ryuzakki thank you so much anthea <33

tagging: @kuruisu, @lovekuramas, @ocarinnas @kishitan-iis @usagiyamah @haru-kaas

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 15 people

LAST

1. drink - green tea !

2. 📱 call - my mom

3. text - a friend texting to ask about concert merch

4. song you listened to - idk the name of the song but its the yakuza 0 soundtrack

5. time you 😢 - yesterday tbh

HAVE YOU EVER

6. dated someone twice - never even dated anyone once lmao

7. 😘 someone and regretted it - never kissed anyone either

8. been cheated on - nope

9. lost someone special - yes, when i was quite young

10. been depressed - yeah

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - never thrown up after drinking

FAVORITE COLORS

12. (pastel) pink !!

13. purple

14. blue

15. yellow !

in the last year have you

16. made new friends - yes !!

17. fallen out of 💛 - nope nope

18. 😂 until you 😢 - yes i have !! ive got some funny friends :’)

19. found out someone was talking about you - nope but im sure people are

20. met someone who changed you - um i didnt meet anyone knew but i got closer to some people who changed me!

21. found out who your friends are - not really

22. 😘 someone on your facebook friends list - nope nope

GENERAL

23. how many friends from your fb friends list do you know irl - all of them except tania and joanne

24. do you have any pets - i have a hamster named beanu !

25. do you want to change your middle name - not really, its my chinese name and i quite like it c:

26. what did you do for your last 🎂 - i thought we were throwing a surprise party for my friend but when i showed up, it turns out they were all throwing a surprise party for me and it was super sweet :’) we ended up going for korean bbq and karaoke !

27. what time did you wake up today - 12pm /sweats

28. what were you doing last night at midnight - working on my midterm notes

29. what is something you can’t wait for - MARIANAS TRENCH CONCERT !! this wednesday!!!! i havent shut up about it for weeks !!!

30. what are you listening to right now - still the yakuza 0 soundtrack !

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - i knew someone named tommy which i think is close enough

32. something that gets on your nerves - when people :)) are late :))) and they dont notify you that they will be late :)))) so you just sit there for an hour, not sure if they are actually going to show up :)))))))

33. most visited website - twitter & youtube & probably my school website

34. hair color - auburn ish with black roots now lol

35. long hair or short hair - i have rlly long hir and i like it on me ! altho i think short hair is adorable in general

36. do you have a crush on someone - nope

37. what do you like about yourself - i like that i try to view things optimistically, that im decently good at art, that im a big dreamer

38. want any piercings - i used to until i found out im allergic to whatever they make earrings etc out of

39. blood type - tbh they told me and i forgot

40. nicknames - carz, carmine, weeb, dumbass, sunshine (which is still???? the cutest??)

41. relationship status - nonexistent

42. zodiac - virgo

43. pronouns - she/her

44. favorite 📺 show - hmm i havent watched tv in a while but the first that come to mind are b99 and doctor who. also rosy business!!! and scarlet heart (the original chinese one) was rlly good!

45. tattoos - love it on others, not so much myself

46. right handed or left - right!

47. ever had surgery - i mean,,, not that i can remember?

48. piercings - I mean pierced ears but they are closing so ??

49. sports - i love skiing, skating and rollerblading !!! basically i dont like team sport, i like sports where i can just enjoy being outside c:

50. vacation - we are planning a trip to BANFF!!! and im so excited!!! BANFF is such a gorgeous park and its just one of my dreams to go hiking or canoeing there omg ;; ^ ;;

51. trainers - ??? are these running shoes??? i wear them in the summer bc i walk a lot, not so much winter bc canada is freaking cold

MORE GENERAL

52. eating - just gum

53. drinking - green tea, its all i ever drink

54. i’m about to watch - nothing since i need to study (but realistically, im going to watch yu yu hakusho)

55. waiting for - the concert ! and also for my acceptance (or rejection) letters to come in

56. want - a degree that can actually get me a job lol

57. get married - let me actually get into a relationship first before i think about this lol

58. career - dream career? field ecologist or working in a sanctuary or really anything environmental. realistically? teacher or nurse

WHICH IS BETTER

59. kisses or hugs - hugs def

60. 👄 or eyes - eyes

61. shorter or taller - taller

62. older or younger - older, im already immature enough for the both of us

63. nice arms or stomach - ?? neither tbh

64. hookup or relationship - relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant - a bit of both !

HAVE YOU EVER

66. 😘 a stranger - nope, im literally the most boring person

67. drank hard liquor - yupp, actually more often than i should

68. lost glasses - yeah ^^;;

69. turned someone down - i think? in like elementary?

70. sex on first date - nope

71. broken someone’s ❤️- maybe?? but like in elementary??? so does that even count lol

72. had your 💔 - not really but ive felt super betrayed by friends

73. been arrested - not yet

74. 😢 when someone died - ,,,, yeah

75. fallen for a friend - yes but she straight af so

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

76. yourself - on good days !

77. miracles - not really

78. 💛 at first sight - with fictional characters maybe. irl? nah

79. 🎅 - lmao santa vixx maybe

80. 😘 on a first date - ?? idk let me go on a date first and ill get back to you eventually

81. angels - only friends sweet enough to be angels

other

82. best friend’s name - they all have unique names so let me use their nicknames: uma, sai, rita & veanu, what would i do without them :’(

83. eye color - brown

84. favorite movie - Lord of the Rings & Howl’s Moving Castle !!!! and a bunch of really old movies that im not gonna bother listing

85. favorite actor - i mean i really liked andy lau for a long time. and also wayne lai & sheren tang because i just ADORE rosy business. and ryan reynolds. always ryan reynolds.

#carmen talks #.txt #i literally have no relationship exp dhajdsaljjas #but thank you for tagging me!!!#tag games

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yoongisgoawaydoormat · 6 years ago

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Is yoongi your fave in bts? I just today stumbled over a video of bts and watched and now 100 videos later i really think i kinda like them and especially Yoongi. He is such a sweetheart. so as a fellow 1d stan now into bts i wanted to know if louis was your fave and if yoongi is in bts? Cause i find it quite interesting to know^^'

ok so i have some esoteric ramblings that go far beyond the yes or no question you asked me here lmao... i guess im just feeling very “in this essay i will-” rn because of how much i truly adore both of them. also this basically turned into a personal diary entry but also simultaneously a cultural studies essay on how we make meaning in celebrities so like..... 🤷🏼‍♀️

@gettingaphdinmomo can u believe this anon let me merge 1d and bts? im indebted to them tbh

so yeah yoongi is my bias in bts and louis was always my fave in 1d! (well zayn too but z isn’t a member of 1d - tho i think he relates to some of the points im going to make here as well) and coincidentally i’ve actually been doing like... some self-psychoanalysis recently just reflecting on what my affection for louis and yoongi says about me, says about them, etc... just been thinkin’ ya know?

and i just feel like yoongi and louis are 2 sides of the same coin and it’s a coin that i distinctly Relate to and i’ll explain why. both yoongi and louis have very distinct caricature-type reputations on the surface. both vis-a-vis their role in their respective groups and in relation to the personalities that we see/they show us.

and what i mean by that is that louis is known as loud, brash, exuberant (formerly camp and flamboyant as well, though im not even gonna try to get Into A Discussion of That rn); to most people that do not take the time to go far beyond the surface, that’s kind of louis’ whole deal, right? (again this isn’t a discussion of public opinion of louis and doesn’t account for how his various stories/stunts/‘relationships’ would impact people’s view of him)... yoongi is sort of in the same boat but on the opposite end of the spectrum if that makes sense? he’s the tsundere member. he’s seen as cold, distant, has dry humor, doesn’t like to show affection, etc. that’s what the caricature of min yoongi is.

but everyone who is a fan of either of them knows that neither of those caricatures are wholly accurate and that the caricatures belie an emotional depth and intelligence that both of them very clearly possess.

we can never know even a fraction of public figures’ personalities, but to the small extent that we do get glimpses, yoongi and louis are both individuals who clearly care very deeply about others. they are attentive to the emotions of those around them and they are supportive and nurturing in their own ways. but at the same time neither of them are overtly touchy-feely about it if that makes sense? their empathy is exhibited subtly but it runs deep. their demonstrations of caring and compassion are nuanced behind layers of something else.

for louis, i think there’s always a bit of humor layered on top of his emotional displays (i.e. giving liam a hard time about being a ‘lad’). and i see myself in that. i use humor as a defense mechanism and couch everything serious in my life in a joke, for better or worse. again, im not saying that that’s what louis is or does in real life, i’ll never know nor would i presume to, but i am saying that i see something of myself reflected in Louis Tomlinson™ and among a million other reasons to love him i think that is one of the reasons i’ve always been drawn to him. he’s so compassionate and caring but you have to make sure you’re not distracted by his bright loudness to miss it. in addition to seeing myself reflected in louis, i also admire so much about him that i am not but aspire to be more like. i wish i could be more extroverted like him and i wish i could be a bright presence for the people around me like i know he is. so with louis i see myself and i see traits that inspire me to go outside my comfort zone and push my own boundaries.

for yoongi, the soft sweet infp that he is, i think his emotional displays are equally as subtle and layered behind a bit of stoicism and a bit of introversion and a bit of being very carefully selective about who he lets in. his displays of affection and caring are alway there but are not done to be viewed and given great attention (i.e. his hand holding). i don’t think yoongi much likes being the center of attention and would much rather have his members be that (lol @ jimin) but at the same time he has moments where his energy just bursts forth. these are moments where he’s clearly so comfortable with his surroundings and the people he’s with that he feels no need to be measured or restrained. again, this is all my interpretation of what i see and is thus filtered and distilled so many times that i’d never presume to state all of this as some factual evaluation of yoongi’s personality, but also again, i see myself in these observations and interpretations of yoongi. i find it very difficult to express my emotions (see the above point about couching everything in humor) but they are there and they are felt deeply and they show themselves in subtler ways. i find it difficult to display affection with even my closest friends and family but am also just a touch-starved bitch looking to hold someone’s hand like yoongi is always doing. i too sometimes begin to feel comfortable enough with those around me that my passion and excitement just bursts forth all at once, but only sometimes, otherwise im hyper conscious of myself and tend to self-police if i have not reached such a comfort level. i see a lot of that in Min Yoongi™. but like with louis i also see a lot in yoongi that i strive to be more like. i struggle with the weight of my own expectations for myself and i internalize A Lot, as yoongi seems to, but yoongi also demonstrates such a clarity of self when it comes to these things. i think he Knows himself quite well, which is something i’d like to be better at. i think his self awareness (something i think namjoon also has in spades) and his work ethic are admirable and inspire me greatly. he just seems so Lucid Perceptive and Insightful about his situation, and that encourages me to be more honest with myself about my own situation.

and like maybe this is all just a diatribe that could be applied by anyone to their fave celeb? there’s levels to abstraction to every celebrity and there’s always interpolation/projection our own traits, neuroses, insecurities, desires, etc. onto how we view our favorite celebs... but idk there seems to be something slightly different with celebs like yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon actually now that i think about it).

like let’s contrast it with other 1d and bts members: jin and hobi have carefully constructed the way they want to be seen and they don’t let people see much beyond that (and they’re So Valid for that). i actually think niall is quite a lot like this as well. the caricature is the whole picture that we get if that makes sense (though of course not even a fraction of the whole person which we are not nor should we be privy to) but its still a human picture, its still rooted in a sense and a feeling of authenticity; it just has its boundaries and is clear about those boundaries. thus the consumer public gets a discrete, self-contained persona whose likeability isn’t necessarily dependent on the consumer’s ability to relate or see themselves in the persona but rather is simply likeable!

then you have liam and jungkook who i see as quite similar in some ways for some reason (which im sure is gonna get me yelled at lmao). i dont mean that i think they’re similar people just that i think both of them are quite earnest and what you see is what you get with them. i don’t think either of them have it in them to pull a jin/hobi/harry (see below) and construct/be viligent about the boundaries of their persona. i think tae and jimin are mostly like this as well. they’re all just kind of unapologetically themselves (liam particularly after 1d ended, tho i know that, ironically, many feel he’s a bit of a poser nowadays)? i see these types of figures as similar to the type above just with less stable boundaries/less concern for those boundaries.

then you have harry whose caricature is constructed to be larger than life, to be almost non-human in its Celeb-ification. Harry Styles™ is not meant to allow for reflection of yourself in it. the consumer is not supposed to find parts of themselves relating to Harry Styles™, that defeats the purposes of the larger than lifeness of Harry Styles™. (i know this sounds bad and don’t get me wrong i do hate harry lol but i also don’t think this is an inherently Bad way to be a celebrity. it’s the david bowie, lady gaga [pre-joanne] school of celebrity and its fine, i just think it should be recognized for what it is and i think its very different from how bts and the other members of 1d operate [though i recognize that some people would view zayn in this light]).

personally i think yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, to account for everyone in this analysis here) don’t fit into the above categories. clearly i dont think any of these four are in the Harry Styles™-type camp (duh). but i also don’t think they fit into the authentic-but-carefully-boundaried jin/hobi/niall camp nor the what-you-see-is-what-you-get liam/maknae line camp. i think these 4 occupy a limbo space between the two ‘categories.’

anyways, the long and the short of it is that we all make our own meaning in celebrities. for me, i find myself drawn to yoongi and louis because i see traits of my own reflected back at the same time and in the same person that i see aspirational traits. im inspired and im comforted by this duality that yoongi and louis provide for me. i love all the members of 1d and bts (except harry lolz) but yoongi and louis (and zayn and namjoon, who i’d say is my 2nd bias in bts if that wasn’t already clear) hold special places in my heart because of how they occupy my sort of nebulous fourth category of celebhood.

anyways, i’m pretty sure no one is still reading this, which i do Not blame you for, but that’s my two cents! i love min yoongi and louis tomlinson, whats new!!!!!!!!!

#bts #1d #louis #yoongi #zayn #namjoon #Anonymous

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