#i need to redo my tags but this will do for now lol
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
i'm begging you please to come home
Song/Skeleton: Cecilia
Name: Eloise Meadows
FC: Sophie Skelton
Age: 32
Birthday: December 24
Gender & Pronouns: Cis-woman, she/her
Sexual & Romantic Orientation: Heteroromantic & heterosexual
Occupation: Receptionist/Guest Services for the Birch Bay Travelodge
Neighbourhood: Born and raised in Birch Bay, currently residing in a tiny apartment in Willowdale
Positive Personality Trait(s): Warm, friendly, idealistic, independent, supportive
Negative Personality Trait(s): Stubborn, people-pleasing, emotionally-driven and oversensitive, envious, insecure
Extras: Here is a little baby playlist that is era-appropriate to set the vibe! Please Mister Postman - the Marvelettes Here Comes the Sun - the Beatles I Say a Little Prayer - Aretha Franklin Do You Believe in Magic - the Lovin’ Spoonful Chapel of Love - the Dixie Cups Wouldn’t It Be Nice - the Beach Boys I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) - Four Tops I Will Follow Him - Peggy March I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash Love Me Do - the Beatles Yesterday - the Beatles You Can’t Always Get What You Want - the Rolling Stones I Want to Hold Your Hand - the Beatles You Send Me - Aretha Franklin Put Your Head on My Shoulder - Paul Anka Fly Me To the Moon - Frank Sinatra Then He Kissed Me - the Crystals All You Need is Love - the Beatles Blackbird - the Beatles A Sunday Kind of Love - Etta James If I Can Dream - Elvis Presley This Magic Moment - the Drifters Hold Me Tight - the Beatles Oh!Darling - the Beatles If I Fell - the Beatles Across the Universe - the Beatles And some songs that are not era-appropriate but fit the vibe: Mirrorball - Taylor Swift The Archer - Taylor Swift The Man - Taylor Swift The Lakes - Taylor Swift Lavender Haze - Taylor Swift Tied Together with a Smile - Taylor Swift Mine - Taylor Swift (...you might be sensing a pattern here) She Used to be Mine - Sara Bareilles Fight Song - Rachel Platten Better Place - Rachel Platten Sunlight - Hozier I Can’t Breathe - Bea Miller Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol Waking up Slow - Gabrielle Aplin Grace - Kate Havnevik Stand in the Rain - Superchick Wildflowers - Tom Petty Dancing Queen - ABBA (1976 so CLOSE) Dandelions - Ruth B. Don’t You Worry Child - Swedish House Mafia (though I prefer the Madilyn Bailey cover) And a pinboard! https://www.pinterest.com/rachaelredridinghood/heavens-got-a-plan-for-you/ BIOGRAPHYtw: mentions of religion/religious upbringing (not detailed, just mentions), gender roles, war
In a home where she wanted for nothing, she somehow wanted for everything she did not have. From a young age, Eloise craved the great wide somewhere that only existed in the depths of her imagination. Eloise was born and raised into the warm embrace of what was the picturesque family: a dutiful father who worked hard to support their family, a doting mother who was there for every moment of every day of Eloise’s childhood, and Eloise was the final piece to the puzzle that was their white picket fence life. Her childhood was marked by dusty wooden pews on Sundays with lace gloves and stiff-skirts, hot humid days spent in her mother’s ever-so-loved-and-tended-to garden, brunches and tea parties with her mother’s friends at least once a week and ever-important trips to the library to add to the stacks of books in her room. While her upbringing was steeped in the belief that her purpose was to become the image of her mother, an adoring wife and mother tending her own family and her own garden with her own brunches, the books she read were something of a guiding light that showed her another way. Fairy-tales, adventures and stories of the great and fantastical had Eloise dreaming of life outside of what she had been raised to believe was proper and expected, though those dreams were generally squashed just as soon as they came to light; more time in the garden, more time spent with her mother and her friends, that was what she needed. Less books would do her good.
In truth, it was more her father that was to blame for her ambitions with the example that he set. His influence on his daughter was strong, and Eloise was always over-interested in his work at the hospital. His care and compassion for the people of their town ran deep and left a defining mark on her young mind. An interest in medicine sparked when Eloise was hardly in double-digits, and despite her father’s appreciation for his daughter’s interest in his work, her parents doubled down on their insistence that Eloise live a life of domesticity. Her father worked hard so that his wife and daughter would not have to, and that was the future he wanted for his daughter.
Eloise kept those dreams on the backburner, learning that it was easier to keep those thoughts to herself than to bring it up again. Her aspirations and dreams fell on deaf ears, and it was better to stay quiet than have that fire extinguished time and time again. She focused on school, still spending her time with her nose pressed into books at every available turn. In every way, it appeared that she had reluctantly conformed to her parents’ wishes, even if she still yearned to follow in her father’s footsteps. It was easier to go with the current than against it, even if it left Eloise feeling like her future wasn’t her own.
It was hard, trying to find purpose when her path in life felt so rigid and out of reach from what she wanted. He made it easier, giving Eloise something to focus on that wasn’t doom and gloom or frustration. He made her smile, and at first that was enough; soon, she realized that he and he alone could make her heart pound right out of her chest in a way she had only read about, and it was twice as meaningful because she had chosen him. Naturally, her parents didn’t approve, but that was something she chose to ignore. Truthfully, it gave her just the slightest bit of satisfaction. She’d yielded in so many other ways, but in this way she would not.
Her parents were displeased when she began to work for the Travelodge shortly after graduating from high school, but Eloise found joy in being able to provide for herself even in just a part-time manner. Their opinions were still ringing loud and clear like church bells on Sunday: it was temporary, they insisted, as she’d marry and have a family of her own soon and then she’d be able to stay at home and live the life they dreamed. Of course, every time she brought up marriage or engagement or anything long-term with the man she’d chosen, she was met with objections. He did not fit the bill they’d ordered, and in their view was just as temporary as her job.
Even with the sense of fulfillment from her part-time gig and the happy hours spent with who she believed to be her one true love (just like in those fairytales, all those years ago), she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something missing. The call towards medicine was still so strong, though she’d never even applied to college. She knew her parents would never approve, and despite her age she still sought their approval. She ached and longer for her life to mean something and knew she would never find purpose from behind a service desk, or with a stupid cross-stitch or book in hand on a porch swing.
And then came the war, and the draft. And then he was gone, and what meaning she’d found for herself in life felt as though it was slipping through her fingers. Time to break out those old and well-worn rosary beads, keep them in her pocket, taking time to finger through them during quiet moments with the thought of his quick and safe return the only thing on her mind. Eloise missed him in a physical way that she could not escape, and adjusting to contact only through letters was strange and took more time than she liked to admit. Work was a welcome distraction, though even that couldn’t help her thoughts from wandering: what would happen if she lost him? Who would she even be if she lost him? Best not to think about it, but she’d never been good at keeping her thoughts in line with what was best for her. Best to put her energy into those letters, writing her heart onto the paper to send away to him. Her heart was always safest with him, after all, even in a warzone. So she’d pour it all out for him, bleeding onto the paper along with the lipstick marks and a few spritzes of the perfume he’d always liked best.
They’d be married when he got back, they’d decided. There was no reason to wait any longer, even if her parents disapproved. Hell, maybe she’d finally mail those college applications away finally and take a dive at two dreams.
If he made it back. When.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
@imogencrnza: it was hard getting them all to behave for a picture.
#queue#and they still didn’t#Sienna in the back throwing up gang signs#Owen’s doing aight but grey is a little… preoccupied#Rory said she wasn’t posing for shit#AJ and Ricky showed up and showed out though#will and Indiyah are looking mighty cute#they get an 80%#they almost did well#long ass tags aight here we go#lykaia#my characters#render#*leslie lowe#*imogen sumner#*lou carranza#*indiyah atwood#*william robinson#*ricky ponce#*annisa carranza#*owen ellison#*grey fitzpatrick#*sienna joyson#*savannah robinson#*kaila Brice#*rory durham#*ceres durham#i need to redo imogen’s tag because she’s a carranza now but ehhhhhh lazy lol#OH! btw Grey and Leslie are best friends like best of best friends#she’s cool with everyone else and already really likes AJ and Indiyah and Ricky
452 notes
·
View notes
Text
[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]
me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "
the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)
so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')
#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn#i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN#i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn#i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
tell me why i am awake at 7am on a saturday :(
#kai.rambles#my eyes can’t even open all the way bro#i told my mom yesterday that if she was going to the supermarket today that i’d go with her bc i also need to buy some things#so it can be a little market date just the two of us before celebrating mother’s day tomorrow#tell me why this woman called me at 6am to tell me she was getting ready MAAM?!?! the sun is still coming out?!?!?#alsoo why is tumblr completely forgetting the shit i do?!?#i have to redo my tags every once in a while and i just noticed it unfollowed some people i recently followed#now i gotta embarrassingly follow them againnnn and they’ll probably be hella confused about it#dove if you see this now you know why lol#anywaysss good morning lmao!💗
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the sctir brain rot is real even tho I haven’t picked it back up in literal months#just thinking about Han Yoojin and Yoohyun and Yerim and this is why I write fic for them. cause I just. SCREAM#I’m dumping a lot of my thoughts into the authors notes so that when I post it hopefully tmrw I can inflict damage#but it’s just. I love them so much. I have so many agonies scenarios for them#hyj loves his brother so much that he can’t just let him die nor be alone. he’s constructed his whole life of being a caretaker#and if he can’t be a caretaker then what is he? what has he spent his entire life doing?#hyh loves his brother so much that he knows that he can’t get hyj to leave him even if hyh is sure that’s the only way hyj can be safe#not that he wants it of course but he breaks away from hyj so violently because he’s seventeen and he misses his brother and he’s hurting#but this is the only way he can see to actually take care of his brother for once#cause there’s also the guilt you know? my situation is very different from there’s but I’m also a younger sibling lol#and don’t get me started on yerim… oh yerim my childddd#I think about scenarios for all of them and I’m like ach it’s all about love#and it’s the fact that love isn’t the only thing that goes into a relationship#veering more into au territory but the brothers love each other very much but that doesn’t mean that hyh isn’t afraid or bitter thinking#that yerim is sort of a redo/better version of him#cause like Yoojin is older now and more prepared to actually take care of a child and yerim is more outwardly likeable than Yoohyun ever was#and it goes on and on and on and damn I really need to do he#*hw. so gotta leave this rant in the tags#but YEAH anywyas that’s why I hate it when people are just like yh is possessive haha! like you don’t GET it.#esp when people take that to then mean shopping time 🤮🤢🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫#jkb.talk
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heard you were in the mood for some yapping, so here I am lol! That Luke hugging blurb was everything! My supervisor decided that they weren't ruining my life enough, and now ask me to do something and have me completely redo it when I'm finished because they cannot decide on an aesthetic they want. So my daydreams are currently in a "stay at home girlfriend" era lol (please don't judge). Should you decide to quit and give yourself a few months Luke would be the happiest person ever. He gets all day every day with his sweet girl, his favorite person, his bestest friend. He gets pumped at every home game knowing you're there supporting, gets lunches with you to dissect practice or what you've been reading. You try to argue that since he's taken over all the bills, he won't buy you any gifts. He lasts two weeks before caving and buying you something "just 'cause."
“luke!” you screech from the kitchen, causing your boyfriend to come running, socked feet sliding on the hardwood floor.
“what? is everything okay? what’s wrong?” he rushes out, frantic eyes scanning you for any sign of a crisis.
when they fall on the large, open box on the island you’re standing behind, he knows he’s been busted.
“care to explain?” you cock an eyebrow at him, gesturing to the cardboard box.
luke rubs the back of his neck with his hand, thinking about how to drop the news without you blowing up.
“well…it’s a bag,” he starts slowly, walking towards you.
scoffing, you roll your eyes. “yeah, i can see that it’s a bag. care to explain why there’s a two thousand dollar designer purse in our apartment right now??”
when luke saw the handbag online the other day, he knew it was something you’d love.
you always talk about how much you’d love to have a good, quality purse, and he couldn’t think of anything better quality than designer.
with you having finally agreed to his offer of taking some time away from work, he was on cloud nine always having you around. he loved seeing you in his jersey at every home game (and several road games, too), and he loves how you meet him at the rink most days so the two of you can catch up over lunch or brunch, after morning skates.
one of the things he didn’t love about you not working, however, is the fact you told him no gifts for the time being.
luke has never been someone to spend his money on himself. he allowed himself a few frivolous purchases when he signed his rookie contract, but he really only spends his money on things he needs.
for the first few months of your relationship, luke refrained from buying you anything too crazy. a twenty for coffee here, a fancy dinner there, but nothing like what he started buying you once you knew he wasn’t just throwing his wealth at you.
he started showering you with random pieces of jewelry and trips and shoes and literally anything else he saw that he wanted to buy for you.
you told him to stop, once, loving how thoughtful he was and how well he knew how to pick out a gift for you, but you didn’t want him blowing through all of his contract money on you.
at first, he listened. the gifts stopped and you basked in your victory. but then, the gifts changed from physical gifts to trips, concert tickets, experiences.
as long as luke was able to experience the ‘gifts’ with you, you didn’t care to reap the benefits, because you could convince yourself he wasn’t spending his money on you. you were just a tag along on plans he wanted to do himself.
“you did say you wanted a good bag to use, so i thought i’d surprise you,” luke shrugged, hoping if he doesn’t make it a big deal, you won’t think it is one.
“yeah, i was thinking something along the lines of a tote bag, maybe a leather backpack, not this,” you hold the bag up, refusing to take it out of its protective packaging.
“well, this is good quality. and it’ll last you a long time, so really it’s something you specifically talked about needing,” luke defends himself.
groaning, you start pacing in frustration. “luke, we agreed when i took time off that the money you were spending on me had to stop. you’re already funding my existence right now, so there’s no reason for you to spend any more money on me than is absolutely necessary.”
luke walks over towards you, stopping your pacing. “honeybee, calm down. i was just trying to be nice. you seemed a little down lately so i wanted to surprise you with a little pick me up.”
you take a deep breath, calming yourself down. you’re not trying to be a bitch, because you do like the bag, you just don’t want luke wasting money on you now that you’re not contributing to any of the bills.
“luke, a ‘little pick me up’ is a coffee, or some ice cream. not a handbag that costs more than what i used to make in a month,” you place your hands on luke’s forearms, his hands resting on your shoulders while he’s crouched down to be eye-level with you.
“well, in all fairness they were grossly underpaying you at your old job,” luke ignores the point of your statement, earning another roll of your eyes.
“luke,” you warn.
luke stands tall again, letting out a sigh of defeat.
“you’re right. i should have asked you first. i’m sorry,” he starts, looking up at the ceiling. “but i’m not sorry that i bought you something nice that you genuinely need, even if you think it was too expensive,” he finishes, looking back down into your eyes.
you let out your own defeated sigh. the bag is really nice. and you couldn’t have picked out a more gorgeous one if you tried.
“just…don’t go so swipe happy next time. if you want to do something nice for no reason again, candy will work just fine,” you step back from luke, grabbing the bag again, allowing yourself to actually unbox it this time.
“no promises,” luke winks at you, walking around the island so he can see the awe on your face as you inspect the bag, knowing the matching wallet is already set to be delivered later this week.
#i don’t know if i like this but here it is#alliyaps#luke hughes#luke hughes fluff#luke hughes fic#luke hughes fanfiction#luke hughes x you#luke hughes x y/n#luke hughes oneshot#luke hughes blurb#luke hughes x reader#luke hughes fanfic#hockey#new jersey devils#nhl
239 notes
·
View notes
Note
You probably have already made a post about this (in which case I apologize for bothering you) however I really love how you render and color! Do you have any tips?
Hiiii so I probably indeed already answered something like that but it’s probably time for an #update + realized i can put pictures and it would probably help actually. Slay okay.
THE BASICS: have brushes you like. I have my faves, they’re in my #brushes tag (click below), you might also see them on the screen of my paintings in wip lol. Typically i thicken them up for rendering AND, now this is integral to my liking of rendering these days + the look: COLOR JITTERING. In procreate that’s tap brush -> color dynamics and i adjust the stamp & stroke jitter in the « hue » category. I have my fave brushes quadruplicated as thicker No Hue, 3% color jitter, 5%, 13% depending on the desired look. What this does is give intrinsic interest, variation and depth to your colors, and that way you can have more fun when colorpicking. This will come back again later.
STEP 1: a lineart you like. Doesn’t have to be clean tbh some of my fave linearts from current works were quite messy. ALWAYS colored.
STEP 2: on a layer underneath the lineart, put down flat colors. See what % of color jittering brings you the most #joy. I will do flat colors or i will sometimes already define some areas of light and shadows.
^ you can see the subtle color jitter in the « white » of the shirt and the green of that first image. Second is to show the already defined areas; if i know i want a different hue on here. something else for some pizzazz: tint a color with an adjacent one. not really visible in these screenshots but in matador, at some point, i added an orange tint to burakh's sleeve, the one closest to the red cape.
STEP 3: the shadows. On the same layer as above (you can duplicate it before this so you can always come back to it later if you need to redo), put down your shadows; the trick: COLORPICK FROM A PIXEL WHERE THE COLOR OF YOUR LINEART AND THE COLOR OF YOUR FLATS INTERSECT. You might have to recolor your lineart (use the « alpha lock » feature of your layer or something of the sorts) until you’re satisfied; i typically redden it in the face and hands.
STEP 4: put down the highlight. I typically do highlights the complimentary color as the shadow: if shadow bluer, the highlight is redder (-> pinker), etc.
STEP 5: now this is the scary part. Before proceeding if you’re #scared, group your lineart and colors, duplicate the group and merge one of them so you can always come back to them unmerged. MERGE YOUR LAYERS. You heard me. Merge lineart and color. From then on…
STEP 6: render. Render, render… PATIENCE… est mère de sûreté bien sûr. Here’s my secret: I NEVER BLEND. I ALWAYS COLORPICK. COLORPICK where two colors meet and you’ll have the perfect transition color.
tip: always have an all-black layer set to color mode above all layers that you can toggle on and off to check your values.
This is more of a fun thing i like to do even if i haven’t done it often: use some hints of a geometric brush to add interest when using an « organic » brush (or vice-versa, I’d guess, but i rarely render with geometric brushes). Exemples again:
And well Das Preddy Much It… Your Turn Now….. and because i realize a short demonstration is better than a long speech, have a speepvideo of the two pieces I’ve used as exemples one after the other (matador first to 44 seconds in, moschophoros second). the very beginnings are cut because we’re focusing on the above steps.
Your turn……. To play.
#ring ring (answers)#anonymous#faq#<- we'll guess...#brushes#<- the ones i use in there#rendering#tutorials#<- eeeeeh........
64 notes
·
View notes
Text
Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 21 - My Fair Lady
📜 Merry Christmas, you filthy animals! 😏😂
❗️+18, strong language, godmother reader/original female character, mentions of an original child character, reunions, sexual themes (I mean smut, so get out of here if you ain't +18, I mean it!!!), they finally do it! (first times, nakedness, sex, all that jazz --> So yes, that is a spoiler!).
#10k words (this one is long, and I'm not apologizing for it, LOL)
Part 20 | Masterlist | Part 22
With Sadie away at camp, you finally got the time and the opportunity to surprise her and redo your guest room into her room.
The house was a mess. Boxes of new furniture waiting to be built: a desk, a bookcase, a new bedframe. Her mattress slanted against the hallway. Old white sheets covered every inch of the floor and things that could not be moved.
You'd taken the shade off one of the bedside table lamps and stuck it in the corner of the room, its soft, warm light guiding you as you stood on a ladder, carefully stroking a painter's brush covered in green paint just below the edge of the ceiling, balancing the paint bucket on the top step.
The problem you had with projects like these was that you didn't really know when to stop. Staring when it was still light out, nothing but music playing softly through the speakers from your vinyl player, it was well past 2 AM before you knew it.
At least this passion project was one of the few things keeping you from obsessively worrying about Jake. And Bradley.
The static noise popping through your speakers was a welcome relief for your neck. With one last paint stroke, you climbed down the ladder, picturing your records and what one you could put on next. You bit your lip, reaching up to grab the bucket and the lid from the top step, covering it and hitting it closed with a thump.
You knelt next to the crate, searching for the record you had in mind when a persistent knock at your front door startled you. You weren't expecting anyone, let alone in the witching hours of the early morning.
Everything that happened with Tyler left you weary. Every white car you passed on the street made your skin crawl, and when Penny finally re-opened the Hard Deck and you returned to work, each time the door swung open in a dramatic fashion, you half expected to see Tyler standing there, a predatory glare in his eyes.
People also had a habit of knocking on your door late at night to deliver bad news. But something told you you needed to answer it anyway.
You slowly tip-toed down your hallway, plastering yourself to the wall, hoping to stay out of sight of whoever knocked on your door before peering through the peephole. Shocked to see the person pacing back and forth along your front porch, you whipped the door open.
"Alyssa?"
She stopped pacing, twisting her body towards the sound of your voice.
As long as you knew her, Lyssa had never once cried in front of you or came close to being visibly upset. She was direct, used humour in the most inappropriate moments, and always played things close to the chest. To see her face, beat red and tears streaming down her face, you couldn't help your unease.
Something had to be seriously wrong.
"Is Will okay?" you asked her. "What's' wrong?"
She shook her head, stepping in front of you. "Um, no, he's okay. We need to get down to Top Gun. Now."
"Top Gun? It's almost three in the morning."
She shook her head again. "Will's father got word an aircraft carrier got caught in a hurricane somewhere overseas. It sunk. They're bringing in the survivors now."
Heart dropping into your stomach, your legs wobbled. You fell against your door frame, hands gripping the wood tight enough to hurt. Your throat was screaming at you, and you couldn't swallow.
There was only one other time you could compare to how you were feeling now.
Friday nights were the worst fucking days of your life.
"Please don't tell me..." you croaked. "Please don't tell me it was theirs."
You gripped Jake's dog tags tight as you caught her harsh gulp, her face remaining stark. She didn't say anything. Not that she needed to. The very fact she was on your doorstep told you everything you needed to know.
She wouldn't have come to get you otherwise.
"Come on, we need to go," she managed to say through a harsh swallow.
You don't know how you managed to loosen your grip on your door frame or how you laced your shoes without screwing up the knots. Or how you got your key in the lock with your shakey hand.
You don't know how you got into the passenger seat of Alyssa's car, either. Or how you managed to put your seat belt on or not throw up as she sped out of your driveway and down to the highway.
A small part of you whithers when you realize you wouldn't have known, wouldn't have been here, hadn't Alyssa's Ex caught wind of it. Nat, Bob, and the rest of the daggers would have, too, eventually, but they probably wouldn't have been informed until it was too late.
You don't even know what's waiting for you at Top Gun, whether both Jake and Bradley were or weren't there. Or only one of them. Or if they would even let you in.
The gates were open to the facility when the two of you arrived. Lyssa followed several cars that were already pulling into the winding entrance, the line starting to build as more and more started to appear from the opposite direction. You leaned forward in your seat as she pulled into the parking lot, your heart in your throat as you tried to see behind the building to the runway. All you saw were blinking red and white lights against the night sky.
Alyssa hadn't even moved the parking brake when you threw yourself out of her car, not bothering to wait for her. The cool night wind bit at your face as you searched the building, looking for any indication they were letting people in. You spied a group of people charging across the parking lot to an open side door, someone in dress kaki's manning it. You followed them, skidding across the pavement as you reached the door, trying not to run anyone over and barrel through the crowd.
Cyclone saw you before you saw him, shouting out your full name amongst the chaos to urge you to the front to let you in with the next group. The words spill out of your mouth before you realize you're saying them. "Do you know if...?"
He shook his head. "If they did, they'll be on the next plane that came in."
A million thoughts skitter through your mind, like spiders across a floor, yet you push them aside.
"I have a friend, Lyssa. Let her in next."
He nodded without complaint, knocking hard on the door to let the group in.
Whether it was the threat of being yelled at for running or that they were inside the famous Navy facility, nobody moved quicker than a brisque walk.
You'd take on any military officer who would dare yell at you for the way you tried to weave in and out of the throngs of people.
The hallway you were guided down led to a hanger. The space had been turned into a temporary relief centre, with tables, cots, and supplies filling every inch. Medics were already helping a few of the officers who looked worse for wear, and dread filled you each time you spun, another injured officer upon another.
You weren't sure you were relieved or scared with each face you saw. Whatever they had to go through to get here, one thing was for certain. They had to do so in a rush.
You halted when you spotted the large military-like plane Cyclone spoke about sitting on the runway in the distance, viewable from the wide open door. Whether it had been there before or it had just arrived, you didn't know. Nor did you question it any further. The only thing that mattered was if Jake and Bradley were on that plane.
But with each group of people that passed, there was no sign of them.
Alyssa finally caught up to you, grabbing your arms from behind and tugging you backwards. "Liz," she started to say, but you tore out of her grasp.
"We didn't have time. We didn't have time," you said repeatedly, threading your fingers through your hair next to your temples. Alyssa reached out again, this time turning you by your raised elbows as you continued to force yourself to breathe. She pushed, and you slowly lost your hold on your roots, lowering your arms until she was grasping at your hands.
"I didn't want to tell him I loved him over a letter. I didn't want our last words to each other to be over a piece of paper," you cried out, trying to tug away. She didn't let go, her grip tight. It made you sob harder.
"I can't go through this again! Not with them, not with him. Not after everything Sadie and I have ever suffered through. It's too much, Alyssa!" you were on the verge of screaming. "We've been through enough!"
Lyssa opened her mouth, words just barely sounding out before her eyes locked on to something behind you. She gasped, and you twisted sharply, watery eyes searching a new crowd of officers making their way off the tarmac and into the hanger. You squinted your eyes, the night sky and the bright white lights from inside making it harder to make out faces.
A cluster of Navy officers broke off from the crowd, parting the way.
Then you saw them.
Both of them.
Jake was favouring a leg as he leaned against Bradley for support, hobbling along as they finally reached the entrance to the hanger, searching for a temporary cot. Even at a distance, you could make out a cut framing his eye, and one side of his face was bruised.
But he was here. He was whole.
He was alive.
You couldn't help it. You charged forward, no feeling in your legs as you zoomed past other families and officers, probably a few high-ranking officials in your paint-smattered shirt and overalls. Time slowed down for you as you ran, even if you were running as if your life depended on it.
"JAKE!"
Jake lifted his head at the sound of your voice, urging Bradley to stop. Bradley looked at him funny, watching his eyes glaze over and wondering if Jake hit his head harder than the medics originally thought. But then he followed his gaze, only to see you charging forward without a care in the world to reach him, and he knew.
Bradley unhooked his arm from around Jake's shoulders, steadying him for a second and then letting go, stepping to the side so you could have your moment.
You slid along the floor as you came to a halt in front of Jake, worried he was more damaged than you could see, arms reaching for him. Jake bracketed his arms tightly around your back the second you touched him, and you buried your face into his shoulder. He grunted as he pulled you tight, shoving his nose into your collarbone.
Jake smelt of the sea, of gasoline and sweat. His flight suit felt ripped under your hands as you tried to find a grip. Or maybe you were trying to assure yourself he was really there. Your mind flashed through all the possible things he might have gone through with each caress, your cries getting louder with each one.
Yet in your panic, you pulled back from his hug, only to take his face into your hands and kiss him hard.
"I love you," you gasped out between kisses. "I'm not getting you go. I'm here. I love you, I love you, I love you."
Jake's response was instant, fingers quickly gripping the back of your neck, the roots of your hair, to drive your head at all the angles he wanted, all the ways that made it easier for him to devour you.
You felt like you couldn't breathe, pulling away from his lips with a tightness in your chest. Your eyes fell on his lips, red and slightly swollen, and you were positive yours were the same. Until you looked up at those green eyes and the rest of the hanger, everyone else, faded away.
Jake smiled at you.
"Hi, Darlin.'"
You huffed a sad laugh through your tears, letting yourself fall into his body, hiding your face in his chest, sobbing.
Jake didn't let the grip on your neck go, curving his hand against the skin, holding you to him. His other arm, at some point, had dropped down to your waist. Whether it was to keep himself upright or keep you from falling over, he wasn't sure. Nor did he really care. Because Jake was pressing his mouth into your hair and closing his eyes to relish the feel of you in his arms.
He was home.
You turned your head against his chest to look over at Bradley, slightly surprised to see him hugging Alyssa. Her forehead was leaning against her hands, currently shaped into a triangle against his chest. She was shaking with silent sobs as Bradley hugged her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
The panic you felt before settles in your chest, warmth wrapping around your rib cage. As if he felt your eyes on him, Bradley opened his eyes, resting his cheek atop her head. You reached out, Bradley instantly extending his arm to grasp your hand. You smiled sadly at him with a fresh wave of tears in your eyes, squeezing his hand before burying your head back into Jake's chest, not once letting go.
Feeling you move against him, Jake lifted his head, catching your hand holding Bradley's. He found Bradley looking at the two of you with a smile, in a similar position, with Alyssa wrapped around him.
"Is there something you want to tell us, Rooster?" he said, eyes gesturing to Alyssa. You shook with silent laughter against his chest.
Bradley smiled at you, at Jake, before closing his eyes and letting his lips graze Alyssa's forehead. "Is that any way to speak to your saviour?"
There was no malice in Jake's words when he dropped his head back down to press a kiss into your hair, flippantly shooting back, "Don't push it, Bradshaw. I'm still ahead by one."
---
The ride home had been quiet.
After some harsh convincing by you and Alyssa, Jake and Bradley were allowed to leave. You had gotten the run down by one of the medical officers about Jake. He had no concussion and no broken bones but had ended up with quite a large amount of water in his lungs and a significant amount of bruising the days before.
You caught snippets of Rooster's conversation with the medics, enough to know what happened. You didn't want to know the deeper details unless Jake wanted to talk to you about it. Knowing he almost drowned and Bradley had saved him was enough.
He wasn't at risk of a secondary drowning, but more so pneumonia or an Edema. You'd be calling an ambulance at the first sign of a cough.
Bradley was helping Jake up the steps of your front porch as you went ahead and unlocked your door. Lyssa spotted Jake from below, hands out and ready. Despite her tiny frame, she was there, ready to catch him should he need help.
You were quietly surprised to see Bradley being the one to help Jake. You knew it wouldn't have been easy for either of them: Jake, who didn't want to need to accept the help at all, and Bradley, for whom he was helping.
But once Jake cleared the last step and straightened himself, he patted Bradley on the shoulder, murmuring a 'Thanks, Rooster' before limping over to you.
You looked up at him with a smile, cocking the side of your head in Bradley's direction before saying, "I'll meet you inside?"
Jake nodded, then nodded once to Rooster before continuing inside. Lyssa had walked off back to her car around the same time, leaving only you and Bradley standing alone on your porch. You pulled him into a hug.
"Thank you, Bradley. For saving his life."
Rooster stiffened at your touch but slowly relaxed, arms coming up to wrap around your back. "I know it's not worth much, but I'm truly sorry Lizzie," he murmured. "For all of it."
You shook your head against his shoulder, murmuring a low "Don't," but Bradley pressed on.
"I've been an ass since the start. I've been the one doing all the things I said Jake would do," he said next to your ear, refusing to let you go. "I think I was more worried about being replaced.. and everything else... I just didn't want to see you and the bug getting hurt. The rule was to put Sadie first. Instead, I was the one doing all that. He really does care about the two of you despite some of his faults."
You pulled back from the hug but still left your hand on his shoulder, wiping at your eyes. "Can I ask what made you change your mind?"
Bradley gave a fond look, and you could only stare at him for a second before a smile shot across your face. "Sadie?"
You had wondered what she had scribbled in that letter. She was shifty about it, too, refusing to let you see anything anytime you walked by.
Something told you you'd never know.
Rooster grinned. "Yeah," he said, scratching the back of his head. "Her and the fact, this one saved me yet again. Then gave me a heart attack."
You smiled, looking back at your open door. "I'd like to think he was giving you the chance to make it up to us."
Bradley dropped his chin to his chest, still smiling, before he looked over to Alyssa, leaning against the driver's side of her car.
"Call me if you need help?" he offered, stepping forward to place a hand on your forearm before turning to proceed down your front steps.
"I think we'll be okay," you replied softly, not really caring if he heard you, still staring at your front door.
---
The tension inside the house hit you like a wave the second you closed the door. It was just Jake and you now, and despite everything that transpired the past few hours, you felt nervous.
Looking down, you spied Jake's boots neatly lined up next to some of yours, making you wonder how he managed to get them off. It made you undo your laces slowly, tactically, as if to stall time.
Something about standing here made everything more real.
There was also the bit about you sending him that partial nude. And that letter - which you weren't as concerned about. But that damn photo, all inspired by a moment of brevity, had you yelling to yourself, what the hell did I just do? when you dropped it off at Penny's.
You couldn't worry about the shame currently building in the pit of your stomach. You had to press on.
Jake was hurt. He needed you.
“Jake?” you called out softly, not expecting to find him hunched over, leaning against the wall of your hallway, facing you. You held out your hands, ready to grab him and support him. That was until he sharply lifted his head, eyes the only thing you could truly make out in the dim lighting, the dawn just peeking through your windows. You froze, lowering them, your voice stuck in your throat. Those eyes were challenging you to move, daring you to escape, to make a sound in the dead silence that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. With the predatory glint in his eyes, you knew right away what he wanted to talk about.
Yet, Jake is the one to break the silence first.
"Where's Sadie?"
"Camp."
You feel like you've just given him the green light for something with those words. He seemed to know it, too.
"What can I do to help you?" the question comes out more quietly than you were anticipating.
Jake straightens himself with a groan but doesn't remove his eyes from you. On the contrary, they are still sharp and as intense as when he first saw you.
"Liz," he spoke lowly.
He takes a step forward. You take one back.
"I think you know the answer to that."
"Do I?" you breathe out, taking another step, and he stalks forward as much as he is able.
He nods once. "I got your letter. And your photo."
Your back hits the wall - you can go no further.
It's not as if you couldn't escape him or tell him to stop. Jake is pinning you with his eyes as he approaches you and cages you against the wall. You know if you told him to stop, that all this was too much, he'd back away.
You don't want him to, though.
"Darlin," he roughs out, a hand reaching for your hip, his mouth next to your ear. "I've thought of nothing else."
Your trembling, heaving though no sound is coming out. You knew Jake was tall, muscled, and built like a freaking horse. It's stupid how the thought crosses your mind once again. You feel small against him, pressed up against the wall.
"I take it you liked it?"
You have no idea where this courage is coming from.
"Liked it?" he pressed a kiss on your neck below your ear. "I got hard just looking at it."
You title your head back against the wall; eyes closed, an arm coming up to wrap around his neck as Jake continues to press small kisses into your skin, slowly starting to add his teeth. An arm shoots around your waist, tugging you into him, and you gasp, racking up the wall with the movement.
"Jake," you gasped to the ceiling, digging your fingers into his hair. He winced against your neck with a groan, pausing. You wondered if you had accidentally injured him more. Because as much as Jake was desperately trying to merge himself into your skin, as much as he was trying to show you just how much he loved you, how much he wanted you, he was utterly exhausted.
And he was hurt.
"There's nothing more I want than to be with you right now," you said calmly, stroking the hair at the back of his neck, sobering the moment. "But you're exhausted. And hurt, Jake. When was the last time you slept? "
Jake sighed into your neck, weight sagging with him, "Only a few minutes on the flight home. Not sure when before that."
It was true. Bradley had managed to resurface with him strung across his back, carrying Jake the rest of the way up that stairwell. His memory was fractured into bits and pieces of moments when he opened his eyes. Him being carried on a stretcher, Rooster sitting next to him in a med tent, voices yelling, and people poking and prodding at him. The flight home was when he really started to get his memory back, but he didn't dare fall back asleep, wondering if it had all been a dream and he really did die back there.
You frowned. "Let me take care of you, okay? I'm not going anywhere."
Pressing a long kiss on his cheek, you carefully untangled yourself from his hold, sliding down the wall. Hooking your arm around his waist, you led him down your hall to your bathroom. Jake's grip on your body was anchored tight. Hand threaded through the opposite pocket of your overalls, a part of him always touching you.
Leaving him to lean against your bathroom counter, you spun to turn on the shower, ensuring the water was okay before coming to stand in front of him once more. Resting your hands on his chest, you toyed with the zipper of his damaged flight suit.
"Do you need help?" you asked him softly.
He knew he could manage without you, even with his back being out of sorts. Yet, he still softly replied, "Go ahead."
You ranked your eyes over the fabric as you pulled down the tab of his zipper. His suit was ripped in some places, and large chunks were torn out, revealing the black tank he was wearing underneath. The zippers of the side pockets were misaligned, and while both of his patches were still intact, the threads were sticking out around the borders, making them unusable.
You made a note in the back of your mind to steal them the second you could.
Once the zipper reached the end, you moved both of your hands down to his chest, taking both sides and pushing the fabric off his shoulders.
Yet you stilled when you felt something hard in one of the pockets, instantly unfolding the fabric and unzipping the pocket, Jake watching you with hooded eyes. You pulled out a water-tight bag, gasping when you saw your letter and the various polaroids through the clear material.
"You.. You saved them?"
Jake let go of your hips to shrug the piece of clothing off, freeing his arms. He placed one hand on your hip, the other taking the bag from you, holding them.
"Why wouldn't I?" Jake's voice was quiet.
You felt a lump in your throat, tracing the bag in his hands. You were curious to know which one is the cockpit photo, but you also know your spontaneous, risky shot is also in with them. It's not that you didn't regret it, nor did Jake's enthusiastic reaction deter you, but you still felt that little bit of shame and embarrassment knowing the physical proof still existed.
"I... I didn't think they would mean that much to you. It was just a thing Sadie and I did so you wouldn't feel left out," you admitted, feeling vulnerable.
"They were all I had of you and Sadie out there."
It guts you, the simplicity of such a statement, yet packed with so much meaning.
Jake placed the bag behind him on the counter, ready to resume his grip on your body. Except his eyes caught sight of the pieces of metal dangling over the front of your chest, and he reached out to take his Dog Tags into the palm of his hand.
"You're wearing them."
You followed the chain to stare at the two pieces of metal. Your reply was soft, "I rarely took them off."
He didn't need to know about your breakdown. Not yet. You had said enough in your letter for him to know you had done what you needed to do, but he didn't need to know about the events that led up to it.
That was a conversation for another day.
Jake sighed, letting them drop back down in between the two of you, hand curving around your hip and pressing his forehead to yours. The two of you stayed like that for a few seconds until you felt him fiddling with the clasp on your hip, never fully releasing it from its hold.
He didn't need to voice it for you to know the question behind the action. It was clear as day as to what he was asking of you.
Will you join me?
Remember all those times over the past year you told yourself to fuck it? This was definitely getting added to all those other times.
Because you found yourself reaching down to your side and finishing the job, releasing the button from his hold. You felt Jake's breath against your mouth, warm and wet, as he slid his hand up to one of the front clasps, popping the buttons out of the hooks as he tugged, repeating the process with the other.
The two straps fell down your back, and you held your arms up in a silent invitation. Jake seemed to hold his breath as he pulled at your battered shirt, up over your head, to reveal your bare breasts.
He tossed your shirt to the side in the general direction of your laundry basket, but you didn't take your eyes off his to find out if it hit its mark. You feel no shame as he dropped his gaze. He's seen them before, kissed them, touched them. But the way his eyes rake over them makes it seem like it's the first time he has.
But when you reach for his black tank, pulling at the hem to work it over his body, you catch the view of his back in your mirror and let out a terrifying gasp.
His back is one big purple bruise, marring his skin. It spread from the curve of his right shoulder blade, sinking its way across his spine and ending near his hip. The only comparison you could draw to it was a painter's palette of cool colours mixed in with black. Whatever he had hit, it was clear the impact had been severe.
"Jake," you cry out, stepping to the side so you can turn him and see the damage for yourself, not in some reflection.
"How bad is it? The medics told me it's there."
"It's not pretty."
It was the most accurate statement you could give him without wanting to double or even triple-check the work of the medics on him. He let you investigate the bruised skin for a few seconds more before moving out of your grasp and facing you.
"Come on," he uttered. "Let's get under the water."
You quickly removed the rest of your clothing, letting the rest of your overalls and underwear fall to the floor, using your toes to work off your socks. Jake managed to get the remainder of his flight suit off with little struggle, boxers included.
You weren't ashamed of your body. But you were a little apprehensive, letting Jake see everything in its entirety. It makes you step into the shower first, almost as if you were trying to run away.
All this is new to you. And the internal battle currently raging on in your head was making you hesitant. Because even standing here, naked in your shower, Jake's eyes ranking over you like you were his last meal from behind the glass door, you still fought with yourself not to look at him.
But let's be real. You were a virgin, new to all of this.
You definitely looked.
And tried to mute the squeal that was trying to crawl its way out of your throat as you turned to let the running water hit your face. You could hear Jake's warm chuckle from behind you as he stepped into the boxed space.
"Like what you see?" he spoke lowly into your ear, dragging your back to rest against his front by your elbows.
"I'm not going to answer that question. 'Cause we both know if I do, it's going to lead to something."
You could feel all his ridges and sharply defined muscles against your back, and it took you everything not to mould yourself into him. Jake pressed a kiss to your shoulder, then another to your neck, before resting his cheek against yours. "And what would that be?"
"Jake..." you warned, your voice slightly shakey.
"Not tonight," he replied, dragging his hands up your arms. "I just wanted to see how far that blush of yours goes."
"Oh, you kinky.." but he didn't let you finish, catching your mouth in an opened-mouth kiss. You moaned, tilting your head back before turning to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck.
You released his lips to glaze up into his eyes, taking the moment to assure yourself yet again he was here with you. You matched his soft smile before he zoned in on your cheek, reaching up to thumb the skin. His face was hardened in concentration, no doubt rubbing at a stroke of paint you'd accidentally marked yourself with, working to get it off. You smiled, pressing a kiss to his wrist.
"What's this from?"
"I'm painting Sadie's room, trying to make it more hers as a Birthday gift."
Jake hummed.
The two of you continued to shower together, you mostly helping Jake. You tried not to get too caught up in staring at him, biting your lip in concretion as you rubbed body wash over him. You felt his eyes on your face the entire time, and you tried to resist the urge to lean up and kiss him.
Jake made you spin around to face the showerhead to return the favour. Feeling his hands caress your skin, letting him work the soap under the swells of your breast, along your arms, even down the panel of your stomach, you had to fight the arousal pooling in between your legs.
Not to mention, you could feel him growing hard and heavy against your lower back.
"This isn't fair. I'm the one who's supposed to be taking care of you," you murmured, leaning your head back against his shoulder.
He pressed a delicate kiss to your collarbone. "This is taking care of me."
You ended up getting out first, picking up each of your discarded clothing, throwing them in the basket, and reaching for the towels you kept on the makeshift shelf on your wall as Jake finished with his hair. You saw the frown on his face when he stepped out, and you rolled your eyes affectionately at him, handing him a towel.
Helping him to your room, you left him to sit on the corner of your bed. You rummaged through your top drawer, pulling out the pair of his boxers you had accidentally missed when you packed up his bag. You found them on the day you were getting things ready to visit Ridley.
He took them without a word while you pulled on your sleep shirt and underwear, ironically the same baggy nightshirt you wore the night of that damn thunderstorm where he kissed you.
Climbing into your bed, you held up your comforter as an invitation. He fell face-first into your chest with an aching groan, grabbing your sides to pull himself half on top of you, his head finding a home in the crook of your neck.
Your suspicions from before are finally confirmed. Because even as he held you, Jake was desperately fighting sleep.
Pressing a delicate kiss to the cut on his cheek, you grazed your lips up until you could press them just below his hairline, your fingers threading themselves soothingly through his hair.
"Go to sleep," you whispered into his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."
---
You slowly awoke to the sensation of lips delicately pressing soft kisses into your forehead and fingers stroking along the back of your arm, the occasional touch of warm metal accompanying the touch. You mewled, curling yourself deep into the apex of his shoulder, lulled by sleep.
"I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep."
You pressed a sleepy kiss to his bare chest. "I should be awake. I'd sleep the day away like this if I could."
Jake hummed, resuming his gentle caresses. He had raked down your sleep shirt along your back, fingers now dragging up and down your spine, getting lower and lower each time he did it, causing you to shiver.
"I had a dream like this. While I was away on the carrier," he spoke, pressing another kiss to your temple. "At the ranch in Texas. In my room above the barn."
"Tell me?" you yawned, still half asleep, warm and content.
Jake nosed into your cheek, trailing it over your skin as he spoke, "The two of us. In my bed. Naked."
You shook silently with laughter, turning your head back against his arm. "Of course you did."
You would have seen Jake smiling down at you had you decided to open your eyes.
"I'd dream I woke up with your back to me, sheets resting low on the curve of your back." He slid the back of his fingers across your exposed shoulder, getting lost in the image in his head. "The barn door was open, catching the first rays of sunlight in your hair. There must have been a storm cause the grass was so green, everything was so right."
You leaned away from his chest, resting your head further back on his arm to peer up at his face. Jake's hair is dishevelled, his eyes harbouring the remnants of sleep, worn and puffy. His bruise had already begun to yellow, and his cut didn't appear red or as swollen. Yet, looking up at him from within the safety of his arms, huddled against his massive chest, you find yourself wishing you could control the way air catches in your throat.
"Sounds perfect."
Jake smiled softly, leaning down to kiss you. You moan in protest, turning your head away and barely managing an "I have morning breath" to Jake as his lips land on your cheek.
"I don't care," he rasped into your ear. You turned your head back, and he placed his mouth on yours.
You give as much as he is giving you, letting Jake caress your tongue with his, letting him take and take at his pleasure, until he is releasing your mouth and mouthing across your cheek.
He’s taking his time with you, something so different from the previous times you've found yourself against or under him, at the mercy of his mouth and hands. There's hesitation in his movements, wary of making any sudden, intense movements that might have you bolt.
"You're taking your time," you say aloud, carting your fingers through his hair. Jake laps gently at the corner of your neck, hand stroking down the side of your leg. He pulls back to stare at your face, you meeting his gaze.
"I almost didn't have time."
God, you know how true that statement is. And the fact, the Jake who left you standing at the end of your driveway all those weeks ago wasn't the exact same one who returned to you.
Jake travels down the length of your body, and you let him push up your oversized shirt, revealing your breasts. "Hello, girls," he grinned, pressing a single kiss to each breast. "Oh, how I've missed you."
It makes you laugh, carting your fingers through his hair, messing it up even further. You can feel him smile against your skin. But then he is trailing his nose down your core, down your stomach, lightly grazing your skin with his lips as he goes. You watch him with careful eyes, your breath picking up quickly.
You know his intentions, where this is going, what it would evidently end up being. And you’re okay with that. You trust him, and you love him. There wasn’t anyone else you could imagine having your first time with.
Working himself down to the end of your bed, Jake’s face hovers over your underwear, his eyes searching yours. You nod, reaching down to help him remove them, Jake flinging them behind his head in a dramatic fashion, making you laugh once again.
Until he’s lining up kisses down the inside of your thigh, stopping when he’s just that close to your core. And then he looks up once again. You can hardly see any green in his eyes, just a thin strip on the edge of being overtaken by black.
“Can I put my mouth on you?”
What do you do but stutter an embarrassing reply of, “If you want to.”
Jake wouldn’t ask if he didn’t want to. You knew that. He even chuckles at your answer teasingly.
“You’re going to have to keep these open if I do,” he says, tapping the back of your thigh. “I’m not going to nearly perish a second time, though what a hell of a way to go.”
You huff in amusement, tinting your head back against your pillow only to drop your chin to your chest, looking at him between your legs.
“Just be gentle with me, Jake. I’m not…”
Experienced is the word you leave out, but you know Jake understands you. He always seemed to when it comes to you.
He places both of your legs on his shoulders before reaching up to thread his fingers through yours at your side. He barely has time to punch out the words, “Tell me to stop if it’s too much,” before his nose is parting your folds and he’s swiping his tongue up and down your cunt repeatedly.
You pull against his hold on your hands at the feeling, wailing and then biting your lip to quiet yourself, muffling your sounds.
Jake lets go of one of your hands to thumb your bottom lip, removing it from your teeth. He lifts his head and says in one breath, “Sadie’s not here, Liz. Let me hear you moan for me.”
And then he’s sucking on your clit, and you can’t hold it in any longer. The noise you let out is practically a scream, and the vibrations from Jake’s moan against your cunt push you that much further. Cause the fact he mentioned her name while headfirst deep between your legs is filthy.
And the sounds that follow, echoing around your bedroom, are raunchy. The night Jake kissed you in your hallway, your worries about Sadie hearing both of you come to mind. Because thank God she wasn’t here, or else she’d think Jake was murdering you.
You’d have to work on being quiet if you ever wanted to do this again with Jake once she came back home.
You felt hot with your shirt racked up around the top of your breasts, gripping the hem to rip it over your head, your back leaping off the bed as far as it could go. Jake glances up, still working his mouth against your cunt to watch, the only remaining piece on your body is his tags.
You buck into his mouth, having no control over your body as he just sucks and sucks and sucks, your grip on his hand getting tighter and tighter, and you’re gripping your comforter to the point your hand throbs from the force. Cause everything burns and feels so good and yet so bad, and you cry to whatever part of you decided you needed to wait to experience this.
But in the back of your head, you know nobody could make you feel the way Jake was making you feel now.
Something snaps, hard, your muscles pulling tant and the cry blaring out into the ceiling of your bedroom is anything but salacious. And Jake's voice is muffled when he works you through it, chanting, “Good girl, that’s my good girl,” over and over as you chant your hips to chase the feeling.
You are a shaking mess when Jake finally lets go, and slides back up your body, letting his weight settle against your chest, arms threading themselves under your shoulders.
"Was that okay?"
You don't even have the words to describe how you are feeling. Your eyes are wide, staring up at him, wondering why the hell he'd be asking such a question when he caused you to be in such a state.
Instead, you lurch up and kiss him hard, your hands gripping the middle of his back, sliding down to slip under the fabric of his boxers. Jake jolts when he feels your hands cupping his ass.
"Are you sure, darlin'?" he pants, pulling away from you. "Are you sure you want this? With me?"
This was Jake. He wouldn't have you without your consent.
"I only want you."
It's slightly cheesy. But there was no other way you could put it. You couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. But he challenges you again, asking, "Are you sure you want it to be me?"
You wanted to smack him for his sheer idiocy right now, bringing up his shitty perception of his self-worth. But you don't want to ruin the mood, and you know where it's coming from deep down. It has nothing to do with you.
"I do," you say instead, rubbing your nose against his. "I just don't know how to make you feel good, though."
"It's not about me right now."
Except it was. It was about both of you.
"Get on top of me."
The both of you rolled, Jake grabbing your hips as you landed on top of him. You sat up, placing your hands on his chest. The action had you rocking yourself back onto his clothed cock, and Jake let out a moan, hands tightening on your waist to push and pull with your movements.
Leaning down to kiss him once, you followed his jawline, reaching his ear. "You want to know something?" you asked, suddenly emboldened.
"What?" he gasped, nails biting into your skin.
"I've been dying to do this since the first time I saw you on the beach."
You felt the pinch of his nails as you kissed down his neck, making sure to catch a patch of skin between your teeth softly. You continued down his chest until you finally got to your desired place.
The divet.
The perfectly sculpted yet slightly crooked valley that split the entire length of his chest in half. You had a brief moment of panic, a stutter in your heartbeat, when you realized just how forward you, the freaking virgin, were being. Hell, you didn't even know if you were doing any of this right.
All you knew, you had waited long enough.
Spread out beneath you, Jake's body is spread out for you like a personalized meal. You pressed a kiss into his skin first before letting your tongue press deep into that valley and swirl all sorts of patterns across his skin. His eyes nearly bugled out of his head before Jake groaned, chest puffing out and hand fisting into your hair.
You work your way up, getting ready to take one of his nipples into your mouth, when Jake suddenly shouts and lets out a fevered, "Stop."
You reel back in shock, scared you overstepped. But Jake only tugged you up by your hips, using you as a counterweight to pull himself to sit against your headboard with a painful groan. He settled you directly against his pelvis, where you can feel just how hard he is through his boxers.
He grips the back of your neck hard and slams his lips into yours. You whimper into the kiss, worried he's using it as a tactic to let you down gently. When he finally releases your lips, you burst out, "I'm sorry, I overstepped. I shouldn't have.."
Jake grips your throat, thumb resting just barely on your Adam's apple, enough to know it's there. You can feel it with each hard sallow you take, his hand big enough to encompass the entire length and width of your neck.
"Don't ever apologize for that," he states firmly. "I'm yours to do with what you will. And trust me when I say there is a lot more you can do to me than just a simple kiss on the chest."
And there's the blush.
"I told you I'd corrupt your innocent little soul," he smirks, pulling you to his mouth once again.
The next few moments are filled with long, passionate kisses and heavy touches until Jake is reaching for the hem of his boxers, and you find yourself helping him pull them down, him kicking them off in some unknown direction.
Unlike this morning, there's no hesitation when you take him in, his cock hard and standing to attention. You regret your reaction to the comment you made about his helmet last year. Cause there was truth behind that one missing letter.
Jake reaches for you, helping to position you over him before he suddenly freezes. "Shit," he gasped, pushing you to sit on his thighs. "We don't have anything."
You ducked your head shyly. "We don't need one if you're okay without one. I... I'm on the pill."
"You're on the pill?"
You know what he means behind the question instantly.
"Two months before Penny asked me back. Other reasons, though. Not that I was expecting to get laid at any point in time," you answer him quietly, lifting your head. "You know me, Jake. I don't do one-night stands. I never have."
Jake relaxed under your hold, a small part of him sighing in relief.
"Worried I moved on?" you ask him softly, stroking your finger across his brow.
"You had every right to," he's almost ashamed to admit. You shook your head. "When are you going to get it through that stubborn head of yours that you are worth it, Jake? I love you. I'm not going anywhere."
Jake sighed again, dropping his forehead to your collarbone.
"Besides, you painted a pretty picture in the flatbed of your truck," you tease, quickly reciting the words he had rasped into your ear when his fingers were almost knuckle deep in your cunt. You drop your head forward and whisper into his ear, "The day I can have you gripping my cock?"
Jake growled at your words, reaching for your thigh to properly position you over him. Straddling his waist, you rest on your knees. Jake grabbed his cock, angling it just so as to rub the tip against your cunt slowly. You weren't sure whether he was teasing you or getting you used to a feeling.
Maybe it was a bit of both.
Then his tip caught at your entrance, and you let out a whimper.
He stops, not doing anything else except letting go of himself to latch onto your other hip. Tilting his head, he places a kiss on the underside of your jaw, breathing in deep.
You understand why Jake had you move on top of him for this. He was letting you control the pace and do what only felt comfortable to you. It warms your heart, even if it is on the verge of jumping out of your chest.
"Take your time, darlin," he encouraged you softly, mouthing at the skin under your collarbone. "I'm here whenever you are ready. And we can stop at any point."
You took a deep breath, finally finding the courage to press yourself down onto him.
Something between a whine and a gasp escaped your lips as you felt the tip of his cock enter you. You had no previous experience to compare this to, but you were sure you weren't supposed to feel this stretched out. Or this full.
You got about halfway down before you cried out, sightly in pain. Jake's grip tightened on your leg and hip, muscles flexing as he halted you. You're slick, but it's a tight fit. And his breath was just as ragged as yours.
Sliding the hand that was griping your hip up your back, Jake encompasses the nape of your neck in his hand, tiling your head down so he could take your mouth into an open kiss.
"Jake," you whimpered into his mouth, your nails digging hard into his shoulder. Jake kept a tight rein on his control, but it was a battle he was struggling with. You just felt too good around him.
"Such a good girl for me," he cooed. "Taking my cock."
"I don't know if I can go any further," you whimper. But Jake is quick to reply, "We don't have to, not if you don't want to. But you're almost there, just a little bit more."
"Fuck," you whined, tearing yourself away from his mouth to bury your face into his shoulder. His hand tightened against the nape of your neck, fingers tangling themselves into the roots of your hair. The grip is reassuring and grounding, and you take several deep breaths before you press down once again.
Then, just when you think you can't take anymore, he bottoms out, his hips pressed tightly into yours.
That's it. You were a virgin no longer.
And suddenly, with that thought, you felt nervous. Because, of all things, that damn fucking sign in the girl's bathroom of the Hard Deck flashes in your mind.
Jake is experienced. You're not. It was one thing for him to say he didn't mind you were a virgin, but it was something else for him to be the one to change that status. Because every story you've ever read about how men would compare their previous partners to their current one eats away at you.
There was no way you would stack up to the long list of women Jake had bedded, for lack of a better word. But Jake only nuzzled the valley between your breasts, tongue delicately tracing the underside of one while rubbing soothingly down the curve of your spine.
"Perfect," he murmured softly. You can't help yourself when your next words come out more anxiously than teasingly. "Live up to your imagination?"
If Jake caught on, he didn't let you know.
"Better," he groaned. "I don't care if we do anything else. I'm perfectly content to be like this the rest of the day."
He twitches inside you, and you gasp, dropping your mouth to rest against the top of his head. You know what he is doing. He's letting you adjust, letting the pain subside, assuring your anxious thoughts.
"Like this? Me, wrapped around your cock, barely moving," You manage to pant, and he hums against your chest. "What if we have company? Rooster tends to show up unannounced."
"He better not," his growl vibrates off your skin, hand flexing on your thigh in an effort not to thrust. "He should know better than to show up at your door when he knows damn well what we're getting up to."
Jake titles his head to set his teeth into your collarbone in a warning, making you clench involuntarily and whimper. He snarls into your neck, "Don't mention him when I'm inside you. This is not going to end badly, not for your first time."
The heat laced in his voice did nothing to stop the small chuckle that racked your chest. Your muscles pull tight across your stomach, and you choke, "Are you trying to make me combust?"
"Is it working?"
Jake doesn't move. Not at first. Not until you decide to test the waters and flex your hips once, rocking yourself on his cock ever so slightly.
Your mouth is resting open against his forehead, and your nails are biting into his shoulders as you moan, letting the first thumps of pain, turn into pleasure. He's tense under you, Jake, using every ounce of willpower not to thrust himself hard up into you to match your rocks. He wants to take this slow. He wants you to enjoy this, no matter how badly he wants to feel you clench around him.
Instead, he rasps into your breast, “Feel good?”
Why is he so obsessed with asking you questions?
You’re unsure if your noise is intelligible, but you try to force out an affirmative hum. Then he hits the back of your cervix, making you howl and curl into him.
It must have been the sound you let out because Jake growls. Gripping the flesh of your butt tightly, he flipped the both of you. You weren't expecting him to, not with how beaten up he was. The movement of your back hitting the bed caused him to hit something deep inside you, causing you to cry out and grip the planes of his shoulders, nails biting hard and uncaring if you happened to touch his bruise.
The slow movement of you rocking on him was nothing compared to the way he started to thrust in earnest.
"You have no idea how much I've wanted you," he panted, increasing his pace. "The day I saw you at the Hard Deck when you were dancing in your kitchen. The clean fucking slate."
You whimper at the growl he spun on the word fucking, adding to the heat already spreading across your body. Even with the pleasure he’s bestowing across your body, you know this must be somewhat painful for him.
"Jake.." you gasped. "Your back."
"Fuck my back," he grunted, angling his hips in an urgent thrust. It made you tilt your head back into your pillow, your head almost hitting your headboard, your nails biting into his back, letting out a heated cry. Jake went for your neck, teeth, and lips, pressing hard to your pulse point.
"I don't care if I fucking break it," he growled out. "I'm not stopping until you cum for me."
A particular thrust caused you to turn your head, and Jake sunk his teeth into your neck. You lifted your leg, wrapping it around Jake's waist. The angle of this next thrust changed, and you whimpered loudly, tears leaking down the sides of your face as Jake lurched over you with a desperate groan.
It has you wrapping your other leg around his waist, your hips slanted downwards, his cock pounding you at a new angle.
His hand, supporting himself on the bed next to you, shot out to grip your bedframe. Alternating between deep thrusts and shallow teases, Jake watched you underneath him. Your breasts bounce with every thrust, your eyes fighting to stay open, and dog tags - his dog tags - jangling against your stomach.
He almost didn’t have this, the stark realization haunting him. He had literally been a breath away from never seeing you again, never feeling your warmth or hearing your cries of pleasure or even your laughter. He would take any chance, any glance, anything to assure him you were real. And that you were his.
His back spasmed, and he fell on top of you, saving himself from crushing you at the last second. But it doesn’t deter him. No, Jake still flexed his hips, more than determined to get you over that edge, to have you cum. Even if he didn’t, he wanted you to experience at least that.
But those dog tags cause a possessive feeling to rise in his chest - because the only word going through his head right now is mine.
"You’re mine, Elizabeth,” he grunted. "Say it. Please say it.”
There's the possessive kink you know and love.
“I’m yours,” you cry out, consumed by the feeling of him driving his cock into you. “Yours Jake, just please…”
It is then a mantra of "pleases" and "I needs" fall from your lips, of which you aren't sure what for. All you knew was that Jake was working you higher and higher off that edge, fully determined to see you tumble over it.
“Cum for me Liz,” he whines. “Cum for me, just for me. Please my darlin’ girl.”
He drops his hand between the two of you, seeking out your clit and rubbing hard, tight circles that have you screaming. Your soaring, going over that somewhat unfamiliar edge he’s brought you over only twice before.
You swear you black out, just for a few moments, until Jake is at your ear, whispering praise after praise about how good it finally felt to have you cum around him. How only he would ever be the one to experience this, how proud of you he is.
Then he thrusts, once, twice, before your hips jolt up, and he's pressing himself deep, flooding your core. You sob, burying your face into his neck and tightening your legs around him. Because amongst the overstimulation, you can feel another one creeping up from out of nowhere. Pure white heat shoots up to your chest as Jake's haunting moan vibrates your entire being.
Then it's quiet, and you want to bury yourself in this moment.
You don't even care that you're crying. Because, with all the thoughts and feelings flying back and forth through your mind, there's one that stands out the most.
Your so fucking glad you waited.
"Are you alright?"
When you don't say anything, too blissed out to form words, Jake pants out your name against your neck; his voice laced with urgency.
"I need... I need a moment. Just a moment," you manage to pant, forcing breath into your lungs. Jake moves, trying to bring himself onto his elbows as his back screams in protest.
"Did I hurt you?" he asks, stroking your cheek. You manage a small shake of your head, the sides of your mouth turning upwards. "No," you reply softly.
You finally open your eyes to see Jake staring down at you. His brow pulled together in concern. And, of course, you, being you, had to say the first thing that came to mind.
"I guess you did give me a good time after all."
Jake tilts his head for a second before his memory catches up with him, and he shakes his head, though you can see the puff he takes out of pride.
"What am I going to do with you, Elizabeth Beck?"
You grin up at him. "Hopefully, a repeat of that sometime in the near future?"
Jake rolled onto his side with a groan, pulling you with him to lie half on his chest. The action caused him to slip out from you, which you were grateful for. The quick movement only caused a brief amount of pain, and you were sure if he drew it out, it would have been worse.
Jake was pressing kisses to your forehead as the aftershocks finally made them known. You trembled against him, hands trying to find purchase along his chest, and Jake didn't stop until he was sure you were okay.
But, in the blissful silence, once you calmed down, Jake playing with your hair against your back, did he finally ask the question you knew was coming since he walked through your front door.
"Does she hate me?"
You weakly lifted your head from his shoulder, watching the conflicting emotions play across his face.
"The day at the beach. She was devastated..." Jake trailed off, absentmindedly staring at your bedroom wall. You pressed a kiss to his chest. "We've both had a lot of people in our lives that have hurt us."
"I'm used to disappointing people, but her? She has every right."
You frowned. "She missed you so much, Jake."
He shook his head, slamming his eyes shut. You lifted your hand off his chest to cradle his jaw, your thumb stroking across his cheekbone under the newly darkened skin. "She could never hate you. She asked me every day when you'd be coming home."
Jake didn't open his eyes, but he did lean into your touch, his shame and guilt still evident.
You wanted to tell him about the most recent thunderstorm, Sadie waking up and crying out for the both of you in the middle of the night. You had done your best to soothe her, but deep down, you knew she wanted Jake. Nothing could compare to his words of reassurance or the way she felt when he hugged her that night.
In the end, lifting his dog tags off your neck and placing them around hers was the only thing that worked. Huddled in her bed with your arms around her, she fell asleep with them gripped tightly in her hand.
Something told you even if you did tell him, it would only make him more upset.
You stroked your fingers over his forehead, asking him softly, "Come with me when I pick her up from camp next week? I promise she will prove you wrong."
There was a silent pause, and then he opened his eyes. He searched you for any hint of deception, not that he would find any. Sadie was just as important to him as you were. In the end, he nodded once with a sigh.
It was a few more minutes before he carefully untangled himself from your hold. He swung his legs over to the side of your bed with a groan, his muscles spasming as he sat up. Even in your blissed-out state, you reached out and placed a hand on his upper back, where his bruise was the least dark, hoping to soothe some of his pain.
"Where are you going?"
"Getting something to clean you up."
"You don't have to, Jake. I can take care of it."
"It's my job," he countered, turning his head to look at you with a cheeky grin. "Let me do this for you."
He stood, lumping slightly to your bathroom to grab something to clean you up. You watched him go, taking him in in all his naked glory, biting your bottom lip hard.
You still couldn't believe he was yours.
You weren't expecting this: the gentleness as he took the rag between your legs when he returned, the kiss he placed on your thigh when you whimpered from the sensitivity.
After tossing the rag into your laundry hamper to be dealt with later, he maneuvered himself back into the position he assumed last night when you fell asleep, head buried in your neck, arms wrapped under your shoulders.
It was soothing, his weight on your chest almost counteracting the dull throbbing in your core.
"How long do I have you for?" you asked, threading your fingers through his hair.
"I have nowhere to be for the next two weeks," he mumbled into your chest.
"Stay with me?"
"As if I'd leave you now."
😏😘 You hate me now?
Tags:
@blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233
@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby
@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn
@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia
@bradleybeachbabe @bobby-r2d2-floyd @lavenderbradshaw @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal @kmc1989 @gigisimsonmars @dakotakazansky
@keyrani @craftytrashprincess @hisredheadedgoddess28 @abzidabzy @memeorydotcom @vicsnook @taestrwbrry
@its-the-pilot
Part 22 - Jump in progress
Wickett ;)
#Spotify#damn those dog tags#dtdt#damnthosedogtags#horseshoegirlwrites#jake seresin fic#jake hangman seresin#jake x reader#liz and jake#jake seresin#jake seresin fanfiction#jake hangman fic#jake hangman seresin x reader#jake hangman x reader#jake hangman x you#jake seresin smut#jake seresin x oc#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin x y/n#jake seresin x you#jake hangman seresin x oc#top gun fanfiction#top gun fic#top gun fanfic#top gun hangman#hangman top gun#top gun maverick fanfiction#top gun maverick fic#top gun smut#top gun x reader
153 notes
·
View notes
Text
hai everypony. used some of u and ur ocs as my muses for a little (big) (rough) spread :3 So u know u r perceived and enjoyed.
if ur surprised because we don't talk um. i recognize ur user and or did some tag lurking so. hey... um. Hey...... tags and notes under the cut!
@khalixvitae - KHALIX ! do not know this guy At All but i decided to mix things up and use him!! if u have any thoughts to share abt vil i'm all ears! >__<
@sweet-milky-tea705 - JAYCE! yasenia. smoking duck gif. is anything else needed 2 say... i didn't forget her ears i just. upside down. hair. and. giuspelazpe
@koyukiki - Leon Kennedy. LMAO he's literally the most random guy on here. "why hoseok da bus driver" vibe LIKEHEEBFHSB but u know. hiii koyuki!!
@shobvrry - wehehehe... hiii friend,, little shoto for u!! :3 do u like the placement of frozen joke bear. get it. bc. because. he. and. get it
@dira333 - kENMA!! this is evidently Not the thing i wanted to give u but. this has taken a while and i actually want 2 redo the other thing so. haii dira!! \o/
@satorisoup - tHe Only self ship other than me on here. based it on ur existing self ship comms and picrews.. R ur eyes green. like. ..IMCRYING . ROCK ON LENE!
@last0bread - !! azalea has SUCH a cool + unique design!! she's also quite satisfying to draw?? LOL. i also like doodling flowers so thanks for letting me do that :3 🩷 /silly
@mustddart - oh my god i didn't know u changed users and just got so scared. I rock w these guys. i don't know their dynamic i based it solely on this post (& it being percy) but I ROCK W THEM!!! U r one of the people i recognize by user btw. Hiiii stay awesome!!!! 🩷🩷
@luv-indigo - SOOO lovely!! loved reading about nadine and seeing her in each step ^__^ !! i recognize u by user too. Haiii all ur art and ocs r super nice and cool!!! 🙆🏻♀️🩷
@vaultureculture - bro i am rocking w this design so hard. elvia is stunning like okkk???!! leander i see u. i get u 🙂↕️🔥 phlomis is also Awesome i love the dynamics and story going on IM ROCKING SO HEAVY!!
@kandy-katz - omg. i did the chibi first and by the time i got to the last empty space i realized sol was the only one who was a sole (haha) chibi and !! 😭 i felt so bad bc his full design is SO SO cool so he's here twice. HE'S AWESOME!! 🩷🙆🏻♀️
@dreamtydraw - smoking duck gif. apple bag trio.. lOVE THEM!! 🩷💌 wasn't originally gonna do all 3 but i saw this pose and thought it was silly and fun.. yeagh. all ur ocs are always so lovely and unique!!! everypony reading this go check dreamty on itch.io and play all 5 games NOW!!!
@evanox - SARA RAAAHHHH!!!! saraahhhhh!!.???? haha get it. ...just looks like i spelt ur name wrong. Let's carry on. MAEHWA!!! 😭🩷🩷 worked off jayce's art I hope she looks ok. sage is drunk and saying something stupid /affectionate Idk what.. hehe she's lovely!!
@anonymous-eggy - Big Fan of masks and i love this one. HIS DESIGN IS SO FUN!! i finished drawing them the fastest fr fr i want that shirt so bAD and their hair is so nice yeahh i rock w az HEAVY!! 🩷🩷
@someiicecube - cannot overstate how heavy i rock w esther. u hooked me at an awesome stunning design and reeled me in w reading too many romance books and wishing it was him. so me. SO COOL!!! 🩷🩷
da process........
yeahgh. 👍 i wud like to draw some for real in the future but actually if i draw anything in the next few days my brain will explodeo.
#🖍️nia.draws#i have no idea what the saturation situation is going to be outside my laptop. whatevah...#this was suppossd to be simple little gifts so i refuse to look any longer. good god#Imembarrassed and shy so im going to queue this and pretend i didnt post it. i think u r all very cool and lovely and#i hope u have a good day!!! and remember people rock with u. yeagh#can everyone appreciate all the joke bears btw. i stopped myself from adding more.#** omfg tumblr user mustddart Soz i didn't realize i fucked up ur tag.
46 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝑅𝑒𝒻𝓁𝑒𝒸𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝓉… (𝒽𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑜, 𝒮𝓊𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝐵𝒽𝒶𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒾!)
~ This is a bit of a personal one lol, maybe I'm getting a little too comfy on tumblr- but hey, I like it here and I'm very grateful for everyone who's taken an interest in whatever I have to say :)
~ tagging this on Nakshatra tumblr because I feel like this reflection perfectly encapsulates Venus Nakshatras and is very aligned with the Sun moving into Bharani, the birth of Venus among the Nakshatras
// warning, cringe and angsty lmao
I have such an odd relationship with my artistic process. Unconventional? Stubborn. Sometimes just straight up bad lol.
I want to create beautiful, meaningful things, yet I have this sort of extreme resistance to being perfect or professionalism (however, somehow perfectionism and such a ruthless self-antagonism for not being 'enough' at the same time..).
It's almost like I purposely sabotage my art by intentionally leaving in mistakes, or leaving it somewhat dishevelled in protest of perfection. In hopes that the beauty and artistry still manages to shine through to the right people.
I guess it's also this thing where I feel like the imperfection makes art more unique, more exclusive- more personal & dearly held to the people who do find the beauty in it that I initially wanted to communicate. But, there is a difference between artsy, grungy, rawness and... just being crap, lazy, unrefined, undisciplined. (I'd never refer to someone else's work in this way but myself... mann).
Knowing full well that my artistic creation likely 'needs work', is not a finished product and will very likely be criticised for its' imperfection, I still have the overwhelming urge to go ahead and share it with the world/post it. In all of its' messy (again, maybe just straight up bad lol) glory. Then I wonder why I'm not gaining the traction I want haha. When I inevitably receive criticism, I get so hurt by it, I beat myself up and it eats at me to the point that I can't sleep at night, I'm up reciting the criticisms in my head and weaving them into my very own nightmare!
I don't understand why I do this to myself lmao. Later on after posting & putting myself out there, I hear that imperfection in the song, I hear those vocal parts I stubbornly left in and didn't want to redo, I see the dodgy brush strokes I refused to fix up in the name of authenticity, and I cringe. In fact, I feel such a deep shame for it all that I take everything down out of embarrassment. Even though it was fully my decision to put up something amateur sounding and imperfect.
Maybe it's something like the weight of desire for perfection is too much, so I just go 'to hell with it!'.
It's like an endless cycle for me, and I realise that over the years, if I'd just left things up online and was more patient with myself, I'd probably have cultivated a following of some sort by now, or maybe used peoples' criticisms to improve the art to a greater extent. I mean, there are people who have mentioned to me when they notice the art is imperfect and needs work, but there are just as many lovely people who have gone totally out of their way to express deep appreciation for the music/art I've put out and enjoyed it.
Here's my 'theory' as to why I do this to myself: when I create art, I don't just want to make pretty things, though I want that too. I want to be loved, and FELT. I want to bring people to this raw, vulnerable place in my heart where my ideas emerge from. I want to be loved not in spite of the imperfections, but alongside them, all encompassing.
I don't want to have to be perfect, have $1000 worth of equipment, hours and hours of recording time trying to 'get it right' in order to be understood and deemed beautiful. I don't want to show off how perfect or skilled I am either, I want to make people feel something. I want it natural.
r a w.
I kinda enjoy for art to be unfinished and slightly unpalatable on purpose.
Maybe it's a bit of entitlement on my part, expecting that even if I do a mediocre job, people will still enjoy it and see my 'talents'/message.
Truth be told though, that's how I love other people, how I enjoy others' art as well, it's not just something with me.
When I listen to artists I love, I adore seeing something beautiful, yet somehow messy and jarring. A sort of underground-esque, 'wild feminine' creation. It evokes that much more feeling and passion that something designed to be perfect just lacks to me.
I can't get into a lot of bands that are considered 'objectively good' by many people because they just sound too perfect to me- There's a lot of times I come across artists that sound technically good, very clean but my heart just can't get into it. I find myself listening and thinking 'I wish this was recorded on a toaster', or 'I wish there was a more rough sound to the vocals' lol, I crave the rawness & intimacy that imperfection and roughness lends.
Ugh, it all creates such an internal conflict- like I want my art to be seen, to be loved yet I somewhat reject things it takes for the art to be considered objectively good & well rounded.
The harsh reality might just be that just because I see the beauty in imperfection, just because I know I've got this personal, very niche vision of what 'good' sounds like/looks like in my mind, that doesn't mean other people are going to find value in the same things.
Of course, maybe all of this is just pretentious excuses & my own self-hatred manifested (I don't actively hate myself, I try to be much kinder to myself these days but yknow)
Anyway, I realised that it's the start of Bharani season in galactic centre mid-mula Ayanamsa today & I think this write up really aligns with that.
Thankyou for reading lol.. again, a bit of an angsty personal thing but maybe it could be relevant to someone, if y'all wanna know what Venusian artistic angst looks like in real time lmao 🖤🥀
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Progress Update on some WIPS! + teasers! :) | Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT | Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader | His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox
a few days ago i posted a screenshot of some WIPS, and i thought I’d give a progress update! + teasers! i promise im working on everything guys i just want everything to be quality :) ive also been quite busy so, yeah!
Doe!Reader x Alastor SMUT 1/2 DONE
About halfway done! Maybe a lil less than halfway? So far I’ve gotten a lot of the exposition out of the way and im starting to get onto the dirty little smutty part ;) its taking awhile bc ive been busy ALSOO smut is hard asf to write and writing deer themed smut is even harder! lmao guys the amount of deer mating season research ive done is crazy im definitely on some type of watch list now bc of my weird search history lol. I’ve gotten a lot done though! Should be out soon, I’ll let you guys know when itll be out when I get more of it done! A teaser is on my page if u wanna see it!
Help Me: Part 3 Vox x Assistant!Reader
i dont rlly have an exact fraction amount for how much is done lol. i promise i didnt forget about it guys 🙏 i have the whole story pretty much planned out! all the scenes and stuff i want to include (+ the ending duh) are all written down! perchance ill do a bigger teaser tmrw idk sometime this wknd maybeee. I have all the scenes planned out and ik how the whole story is gonna go i just have to articulate it into words and spice it up! :) stay tuned!!
teaser!:
“The Vee's empire grew exponentially and are now the three top overlords in hell. You still worked for Vox, however, your job description changed over the next few years. A lot changed over the next few years…. You went from being introduced as “This is Y/N, my friend and assistant!” to “This is an employee of mine, she won’t be a bother.”.”
this whole paragraph is subject to change, i wouldve done a bigger teaser but im just so unsure about the other paragraphs i might literally delete it all and redo them and i dont wanna edge u guys like that lol.
His New Obsession: Reader x Yandere!Vox
OK THIS ONES SO RANDOM BUT LEMME COOK LMAO. this one has SO MUCH BUT ITS NOT EVEN CLOSE LOL. its gonna be like pretty smutty i think like toxic sweater electrocute my fukin pussy type smut. its gonna be a big one bc im trying not to make it into different parts but that might change. its gonna be a fat minute till it comes out im just chipping away at it every once in awhile 4 fun! :))
teaser!:
“Yes, dear,” Vox gestures to Papermint standing idly in a corner, “This one over here will also be my assistant. You’ll handle the more personal needs of mine while Papermint handles more business related needs.”
“I see…”
Vox, completely entranced by you, puts your resume down and extends a hand out to you across the desk, “Well, that’s all I really need! Congratulations! You got the job!”. Winning sound effects could be heard from Vox’s speakers as he congratulates you.
“Oh! I-Is that it..? No questions..?”
“Nope, I’ve seen enough- Actually, what size are you?”
“Uh… Why?”
“For your uniform, of course!”
(this is also subject to change btw! im slowly doing it its just kind of a fun lil random thing i like to do when i need a break or just feel like it)
—
stay tuned folks! if u wanna be tagged for any of these lmk in the replies!
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin vox#reader x vox#vox x reader#hazbin alastor#hazbin x reader#hazbin fanfic#WIPS#reader x alastor#alastor fanfiction#alastor x reader#yandere vox#alastor smut#vox smut#alastor the radio demon#vox the tv demon#alastor x reader smut#vox x reader smut#help me#rut szn#updates
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
Househusband Harper Headcanons
Hello, hello !! I am going to be redoing some blog design stuff when I WORK UP THE MOTIVATION-- so if the blog name changes, y’all know why!!
Anyway, I've been deep diving for Harper crumbs to accurately write him as one does. (gotta get everything lore accurate, would not be able to live with a too OOC in any of my fictional literature./hj)
AND I KNOW HE WOULD RATHER HAVE YOU BE THE AT-HOME PERSON AND WHATNOT while he works but hear me out… He would be such a good househusband, alright? AUHG- Everything's under the cut, lol.
also Harper is from @campwillowpeak !! I can remove the tag btw, if you don't wanna be tagged in further works ;-;
So maybe the two of you had been married for years. Doesn’t make Harper feel any less happy when you introduce him to people as your husband or when he sees the ring on your hand that he bought for you before you leave the house, it always leaves him with a tingly feeling.
After all, now you’re his. And doesn’t that sound just lovely?
Harper’s got that side job of his to keep the both of you financially stable, as long as you don’t ask too many questions about it.
He doesn’t understand why you need to go work, when the two of you could be comfortable at home from his profits.
Especially when he has more than enough to keep you happy with him!
But if that’s what his partner wants, who is he to deny you?
He’s always anxious to let you leave the house, you’re so magnificent, what if on your way home, some creep tries to hit on you?
He knows you wouldn’t cheat on him and that you can defend yourself, but… but wouldn’t it be safer to just be at home with you?
Or worse, what if one of your coworkers, god forbid your boss, tried to… coerce you into something!
He knows you always wear your wedding ring, and he made sure that it was shiny enough to show people how much he loved you. (Material objects could never dare to show anyone how much he loved you. He loves you sooo much and he knows you love him too !)
But there are a lot of ignorant people out there!
If you let him, Harper's be more than glad to mark you up, stake his claim so your peers know exactly who you’re married to.
“Cara miaaa,” Your husband looked up at you with wide, pleading, unfaltering eyes, “You said your coworkers were giving you trouble, right?” He’d practiced saying it without violently cursing out your coworkers. You wouldn’t like it if he was mean about them… Even if it was true.
“Unfortunately, yeah. They can’t take a hint, even with this.” You gestured to your wedding ring. “I don’t get how it’s so hard for them to understand I’m a faithful spouse…”
And with that, Harper set his plan into action. “Y’know… we could do something a bit more drastic, if you wish, dear?”
Your eyes glinted with a hint of mischief. “And what would that be, Harp?” You had a vague idea what he was hinting at, but you wanted to hear him say it.
“Mm, just showing them how much I looove you… and maybe biting you.” He muttered the last part to himself, a light flush making its way to his face. He had not prepared too much on how to convince you.
“You mind giving me a little preview?” You sat yourself down on the couch and beckoned him towards you with a finger.
“Not at all, cara mia.”
But there are some pros to being alone when you’re gone!
Harper being your dutiful househusband means he can and will do anything and everything for you !
(And indulge himself in certain activities while you’re gone)
He also has complete control over everything you sleep in, you eat, you wear.
So if you notice some odd stains on your clothes or weird tastes in your food, he doesn’t know what you’re talking about ! Do you not like the food he spent so much time preparing? Or the laundry he did to take a load off your back ?
It’s not his fault he gets so lonely when you’re gone ! It’s just because he misses you so much !
You should just quit your job, you know? It’s so dangerous ! That boss of yours was targeted by an arsonist ! (Because he had the nerve to try and touch you.) Gosh, what if you were next ?! (Harper would never do that to you though… <3)
You should just listen to your husband, he’s so worried for you ! Won’t you pleaaase hear him out?
126 notes
·
View notes
Text
OC in 15 Tag Game
Thanks to the @the-down-upside-finch for the tag! It was forever ago and I think I need to redo my Tumblr intro to warn people that I do all my replies in bursts and I still love you all...
Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!
I will, of course, be honoring my beloved Arlasaire today with a combo of spoken dialogue and narration. That being said, I don't really write good out-of-context bangers lines lol -- everything only barely works because of the context. (I wish I was. I'm not that cool though.)
"And it was my fault! Because I wasn’t enough!"
"You don’t care about me."
"You don’t know me."
"Nesa… I warned Zal so I’ll warn you too: I’m not very good at relationships."
"…I’m not a lady. The Aftokratoria has stripped away our titles, remember?"
"I was just House d’Magnia’s ward. They took me in after a Dragonstorm burnt down my village. Fed me. Trained me. Gave me purpose."
On that first day after they found me, — back before I was “Arlasaire”— I’d been the one to kill the spider crabs chasing Lord Einharde’s second lieutenant.
"Lord Einharde embodied the House words with all his heart. “Eshew Axiom for Ascendancy.” This made him cold, but he was good to me."
His name rotted in my memory now.
"…The Arlasaire you knew a year ago would not have slaughtered anyone, if YOU had asked."
I felt the familiar knife twist in my chest. I stifled laughter. Euphoria. What a beautiful liar…
The Burned Maiden bled from the body and it was just the girl. Just me.
"And then… I fell for this priestess lady. We kissed. And then… she also tried to kill me."
"It is too cold and dark to be kind. Spring is not like this in the North. You have to actually wear clothes."
"You… like me? Are we… a thing?"
...Guys, Arlasaire's so edgy and angsty, omg. I swear, she's actually a huge softie underneath, she's just not feeling safe in the narrative... And familiar toxicity feels safe...
So YEAH! I'd like to gently tag @maiemorrae @spideronthesun @marigold-clouds @words-after-midnight @wordswrittenbynight @nemaliwrites @cee-grice @zebee-nyx @junypr-camus and @dragonprincedawn -- and if you've done this already, feel free to just link me to the thing. Or do it again! Whatever!
#writeblr#worldbuilding#writeblr tag games#oc in 15#oc in fifteen#creative writing#character voice#amaiguri#yssaia
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
20 Questions for Fic Writers
Thanks to @kiwiana-writes for the tag!! I did this back in like... October, and a LOT has changed since then lol
How many works do you have on ao3?
29
What's your total ao3 word count?
299,988 (though this includes 110,000 from the co-written PJO AU and 2,000 words from Manu's fic that I podficced to)
What fandoms do you write for?
Only RWRB for now, though never say never to others. I recently read Check, Please! and I've had some thoughts, but I have far too many WIPs for RWRB to write them rn. Also I have some ideas for The Pairing, but again, I have... so many RWRB wips...
Top five fics by kudos:
Longer Than Most | 26K, trans Henry accidental pregnancy (also this is how I found out it had become my top kudos-ed fic AH)
The Super Six Take a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair | 7K, YouTube interview
Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) | 6K, epistolary roommates
Claremont 2008 | 28K, canon divergence where Ellen gets elected in 2008, childhood friends to lovers
(Dil)Do It Yourself | 17K, meet cute at a DIY dildo workshop
Do you respond to comments?
I really try to. But. I have gotten quite behind recently. I would love to catch up but it's just a bit overwhelming at the moment.
What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
I don't really have any angsty endings?? but a fic @affectionatelyrs and I are working on is going to have an ambiguous ending and my joke is that someone should the version of it where things take the angsty route
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
I mostly write happy endings, but I am going to say that Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) is the happiest because it's kinda the tropiest
Do you get hate on fics?
Not hate, but I've gotten one or two weird comments, or comments asking about updates.
Do you write smut?
I do! (this is one of the things that's changed since the fall)
Craziest crossover:
The closest I've gotten to a crossover is the PJO AU, but that's not even an actual crossover.
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Nope.
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope.
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
Yes!! Super Six and the Siren's Call with @inexplicablymine and @read-and-write- was the first, and then I wrote Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) with @affectionatelyrs. I also did the podficcing of the voice notes for love has a voice (and it's yours) by Manu. I've also got a couple more projects coming up with Jamie also.
All time favorite ship?
Well that I've written for, FirstPrince :)
What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?
Unfortunately I don't know if I'll ever finish Baby's First Pride because I've grown a ton as a writer since then and I would want to redo the old chapters and that just isn't all the compelling to me anymore...
What are your writing strengths?
I fucking hate this question. But I am going with dialogue and humor (and humorous dialogue) which has been co-signed by others so I feel less weird about saying this.
What are your writing weaknesses?
I would like to be able to keep smut more concise at times, because it always turns into a Big Scene but it doesn't always need to be a Big Scene. And I've been trying to work on a particular style of writing which is a bit more uhhh snappy? I don't know how to describe it. But that's still a huge work in progress, because I always get more rambly than I want.
Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
I definitely try to include it for the characters in RWRB who speak other languages, and when I do I lean on my friends who speak those languages as a native speaker.
First fandom you wrote in?
Officially: RWRB. For myself: HP.
Favorite fic you've written?
Honestly it's always whatever I'm working on at the moment, which is a couple of WIPs: Fire Island WIP, Parasocial Relationship AU with @affectionatelyrs, and my Big Bang fic come to mind.
But really I want to know what y'all's favorite fic of mine is!!!!
I'll tag 20 people, sorry if anyone's done this recently, but in case anyone wants to go again: @mainstreamelectricalparade @14carrotghoul @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @gay-flyboys
and @songliili @gayrootvegetable @leojfitz @welcometololaland @rmd-writes
and @bigassbowlingballhead @eusuntgratie @captainjunglegym @cactusdragon517 @cricketnationrise
and @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @bribumblebee @nocoastposts @magicandarchery @itsmaybitheway!!!
28 notes
·
View notes
Note
prime numbers for the gif-maker asks? 👀
2. Least favourite set? Oh, I'm sorry but I don't want to answer that 😅 I've deleted any I really don't like, but I will say there's a set that keeps popping up in my notifs where I'm like 'really, that one again???' But that's all I will say. People like what they like.
3. The set with the most notes? This one with 1559 notes. I'm happy with that, it's a good set. The ones with Connor in them tend to do well.
5. Favourite movie/tv show to gif? dbh is my main fandom so yeah, dbh but more specifically, Markus. I just love giffing him, it's almost therapeutic at this stage.
7. Who are my top 3 gifmakers? @thirium @aghostinmyownmachine @mijchi for dbh gifs and also shout out to @babyjapril who is not a dbh giffer but her gifs are always incredible (sorry for the random tag ana).
11. One set I made that just won't die? I legitimately don't know what this means lol
13. Where and/or from whom did you learn to gif? I'm mostly self-taught but I have relied on a few tutorials here and there.
17. How many gifs do you prefer in a set? I guess 2? That's how many I usually make in a set, so that must be my preference. I do like a 4 set too though.
19. What I'd my giffing process like? Very on the fly, lol. I check to see if I have the footage I want, if I don't I screen record the scene I need. I upload that into ps, trim the clip to what I need, change the speed and crop. Then I brighten and colour them to whatever I'm feeling at the time. I always sharpen last. It's what takes the longest and I sometimes have to finick with the settings a bit until it looks nice on tumblr.
23. What's the thing you gif when you don't have anything else to gif? Take a wild guess. It's my boy ofc
29. Have you ever posted a set, realised you made a mistake later but realised it was too late? Oh yes many a time. Usually on sets with text and I made a typo. That's happens pretty often 😅 I usually go back and fix them anyway but then the old versions still get reblogged lol
31. Do you schedule/queue posts or do you post as soon as you're done? I usually post when I'm done. If I'm not really happy with a set, I'll save them to drafts and look at them later. If I decide they're actually OK, I'll post them, if not, I redo them. But I don't schedule posts, I'm too impatient.
37. What sets do you have planned to make in the future? There are a few sets I'm waiting to do when my skills catch up to my visions. But right now? There's a quote gifset I want to make with Markus but it will require time I just don't have right now.
41. Least favourite part of the gifmaking process? Oh my god, uploading to tumblr. I never really know what gifs are going to look good. Sometimes I'll spend ages on a set, upload to tumblr and it look like ass, so I have to redo the whole thing. It's infuriating.
43. Do you keep videos or delete them once you're done giffing? I keep them unless I need the space. I'm pretty lazy like that hahaha
47. Any advice for novice gif makers/people who want to start making gifs? Gif tutorials are your friend. I'm mostly self-taught but whenever I get really stuck, I search for gif tutorials. They are incredibly helpful.
That... was a lot of questions and I had to google prime numbers like a chump because I could only remember prime numbers up to 20 lmao
8 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Sherlock Holmes (Cavill) x Wife!Reader
Requested by @anilynworlds
Valentine event
Support me on Ko-fi
Make a request
Request: anilynworlds asked: Sorry for the stupid request lol. Redoing it : Sherlock Holmes (Enola Holmes) x Wife!Reader Prompt : And it happened on Valentines Day.
Read on Wattpad
Read on AO3
You stood with your arms crossed as Sherlock stumbled from the bedroom. He was still dressed from the night before but had put on his robe as he started immediately shuffling through papers on a side table.
“I need to find… the receipt. I… there was a man who came to me with a case last night.” Sherlock said as he frowned and continued to search.
“Must you find it right now?” You asked and he stopped. Looking at you he noticed that you were annoyed.
“Well given that there was a robbery last night and no one else can solve it. Yes. There’s a delivery today as well.” He went on to explain. Normally you were rather understanding so he watched you carefully until you walked away and muttered under your breath.
“And it happened on Valentine's Day.” You’d spoken quietly but he had heard you and panicked. Even when he was busy he remembered to have some flowers sent to you and if he was too busy to go with you, he would send Enola to a tea shop with you. He’d completely forgotten this year. With a quiet sigh, he waited for you to leave and go to the other room. Then he hurried out of the flat and rushed down towards Enola’s office. She looked up slowly when he hurried into the office.
“You forgot.” She said smugly.
“I… I never forget anything.” He said quickly.
“You forgot it was valentines. I can’t help you this time. I have plans.” She answered smugly. He grumbled under his breath and sighed. Defeated, he hurried off to try and find something he could do to make up for it. Unfortunately for him all he managed to do was solve his mystery by the time he walked home. He informed you that he had solved it and perhaps he could take you somewhere nice for dinner but you huffed at him and walked away.
“The least you could do is solve one of my many mysteries.” You said stiffly. He looked at you curiously.
“You. Have mysteries?” He asked.
“You think I go about my day without several?” You said as you passed him and left the room.
“Well, what are they?” Sherlock said as he hurried after you.
Sherlock tags:
@the-caravello-post @killing-gremlin @aegonandaemondtargaryenslut18 @lchufflepuffcorn @kaitieskidmore1
95 notes
·
View notes