#i need to properly write up my thoughts on act 2 in general at some point but. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jung-shook-iieee · 2 years ago

Text

Darkside 2 | PJM

➳ pairing: Jimin x reader

➳ rating: M (gore violence, implied dubcon.)

➳ genre: arranged marriage au, dark themed.

➳ summary: after the demise of your father, you were forced to marry a mob boss who was a decade older than you. Jimin has always been ruthless and marrying someone like him wasn't your first choice, but living with him made you crave for his attention. For getting his attention you were repeatedly acting out until one day he decided to take the matter in his own hands.

➳ warnings: spanking, fingering ( not much described), use of curse words, orgasm denial, gore violence, slight exhibition, dark themed, implied dubcon, reader se def scared of jimin, jungkook is fucking sexy you know? And jimin is in full daaddy mode lmao, overall it's really fucked up and dark and yeah it's a 18+ so if you feel uncomfortable do not read further.

➳ word count: 5k , (pt.ii) ( pt i)

Masterlist

➳ a/n: woah, it took me so long to post it but yk my exam is tomorrow and i don't know what the fuck I'll write but here is it so enjoy? And i haven't proofread it so genuinely sorry for any grammer mistakes. ( I know this story is fucked up so don't come at me. Okay?) Reblog if you like it tho. <3333333

➳ PARK JIMIN YA'LLLLL

➳ a/n2: I do not support this kind of activities in general, it's just a fiction and I do not own anybody. Please understand the difference between fiction and reality. And please enjoy. <33

You could hear them downstairs. The men your husband had over. It seemed like there was two-three of them, plus your husband. Drinking alcohol and talking in low voices. Probably going over some illegal deal - not that you cared. You took a deep breath and looked down at your outfit for the night - a lacy black nighty with a plunging neckline - sinfully short too, with the hemline barely brushing against your upper thighs. You knew if you bent down, it would leave nothing to the imagination. And panties? Who needed them?

Slowly, you made your way down the stairs, each step feeling more excited than the last. You had never really disobeyed Jimin so blatantly before. A part of you, despite everything, was still scared of the big bad mob boss he was. But a larger part of you was irritated by his apathy, how he acted like you didn't even exist. At this point, you'd do anything to get somekind of reaction out of him - which is why you were in your current state.

The cold air hit you hard when you entered the living room. The serious chatter between the men seemed to cease almost immediately as you slowly made your way across the room, not sparing any of them a glance - not even Jimin. You made sure to wink your hips with every step, knowing that every single eye in that room was currently on you - even Jimin

You made your way into the kitchen, exhaling the breath you'd been holding in. You hadn't thought too far ahead with your plan, but decided to grab the leftovers of ttaekboki, since you didn't get to eat it properly.

You could hear them chuckling and whispering to each other until one's voice chimes in, " Well Mr. Park, who's she? Is she your whore? " You wrinkled your nose in disgust. These men were sure not from the local or else they would've known you. No men dared to look at you, let calling you a whore alone.

" You gotta introduce her to us man, I bet she must be good that's why you're keeping her around. Huh? " Another unfamiliar voice chimed in. God why the hell Jimin even invited them over? Shitty perverts.

" I'm his wife and hello to you too. " You said casually leaning over the marble top giving them a show. Even though the lights were dim in the kitchen but still they could see your cleavage. It was cold, your nipples were poking out from the silk material.

You dared to make eye contact with Jimin and you could've sweared your blood ran cold just from his gaze only. He's a master in controlling his facial expressions but the way he was eyeing you up and down with cold,stoic expression on his face told you that he was beyond pissed. His fist was clenched tight, turning white and your coy smile instantly faded.

You regretted coming down, yes, you did and you were about to stood back quickly when suddenly Jimin stood up and smiled at you, the kind of smile which told you that you fucked up. He started walking towards like he's going to beat the shit of you.

" Excuse me everyone, this is my wife. Park Y/N." He said smoothly and walked beside you. He roughly pulled you by your waist more close. A squeek left your mouth and you did not dared to look him in the eyes.

He tugged you forward walking towards the guest. "It seems like my wife is definitely confused because I clearly told her that she isn't allowed to come downstairs. But -" He paused, and you stuck your chin up and gave him the biggest glare you could muster up.

But unfortunately for her, she's disobeyed me." Jimin finished, looking at you and reaching out and grabbing your wrist roughly. The calmness in his demeanour was making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, but you'd sooner die than give away that you were definitely scared. You tried to twist out of his death grip but to no avail. And he was literally crushing your wrist with how hard he was holding it.

" Let go of me. " You hissed at him, knowing full well that you were basically putting on a free show for everyone else in the room, and they were hanging on to every word you spoke. Jimin didn't even spare you a glance.

"So, you gentlemen will have to excuse me while I go see to my wife. As you can see, she's being a bratt and needs disciplining. Jungkook, take some more beer out for these guys. They'll sit and wait while I finish with her, won't you?" asked his right hand guy and othrs, except you knew it wasn't really a question.

" Sure park we understand it would be so nice if you would tame her in front of us. It would be a sight to behold. " One of them said adjusting his bulge. He had the audacity to say this to jimin and you wondered why jimin only smiled at him. It wasn't the nicest smile of his, which definitely gave you goosebumps.

Jimin said something to jungkook in foreign language, something only which jungkook understood and smirked.

The whispering drowned in the background as jimin started dragging you roughly towards his room. The look on his face was unreadable, regarding His actions his expressions were calm. The grip on your wrist kept getting tighter and your heart was thudding out of your chest.

Let go of me, you fucking jerk!" You swore, wiggling around, your small fists landing on his muscular back. Your small fist's punch would probably doing nothing to his built body. You felt embarrassed as everyone eyed you shamelessly while your own husband dragged you like some sack of potatoes.

" FUCKING LEAVE MY HAND YOU ASSHOLE. " You swored again as you entered his bedroom and surprisingly he did. With a blink of an eye he pushed you roughly on the bed making you whimper from the harsh act.

" Fuck you bastard you're so fucking crazy they were calling me whore and you yourself treated me like one in front of them. How fucking dare you. " You spat every word laced with venom, Your nose was flaring up, You tried to get up, planning to storm out of his room and run into yours and lock the door and just get the fuck away from him.

Easily, jimin overpowered you, roughly pushing you back down onto the bed when you tried to make a run for it. And again, you tried to get up, because fuck if you'd let this man get the best of you. You attempted to shove him aside, except he was built like a brick wall and didn't budge an inch. That was when he grabbed your jaw roughly, jerking your face forward to meet his gaze.

"Keep fucking talking, you dumb bitch, I dare you." He hissed, his thumb and forefinger pressing so hard into your skin, enough to bruise. It got your eyes tearing. No one ever in your life has treated you like this.

" If you keep acting up like this y/n then I'll have to do something really bad. " He threatened by pressing you harder against the mattress, he hovered you, arms on both sides and trapping you in between. He was looking down at you so dangerously.

" Fuck you. " You seethed through clench teeth and wriggled more vigorously. You scratched jimin's neck in the process, blood started trickling down his neck but you did not felt sorry for him instead you again aimed to scratch there but this time jimin slapped you across the cheek.

It left you stunned. You did not dared to turn your head the other side. " You have the fucking audacity", began quietly, face inches away from yours, "To parade around downstairs in this fucking clothes, acting like you're a free piece of ass. I don't know if you're asking for it, or just plain fucking stupid."

" Bastard. " You said in low voice, your throat was sore from all the shouting earlier.

" And that filthy mouth of yours. Damn! Y/n you just annoy the shit out of me sometimes. " He continued. "And to think I was going easy on you all this time. Excusing your behaviour 'cause you're young and stupid." He shook you, hard. "Not anymore. You're a fucking spoiled little rich brat, and clearly your daddy didn't fucking think it was important to teach you some manners and respect."

And before you knew jimin manhandled you, You scratched and clawed to try and escape his grasp, but in two seconds flat he was sitting on the side of his bed with you over his knee, your thrashing legs pinned underneath his strong thigh. Red hot embarrassment coursed through your veins - how dare he put you over his knee like this! In a position so demeaning?

" Let go of me jimin I swear -"

You were cut short when you felt his hand on your ass. His rough, calloused palm stroked the silky material of the chemise that barely concealed your bare skin, and involuntarily you sucked in your breath sharply. What the fuck was he doing?

" You should have been disciplined a long time ago but looks like your daddy was a shit huh? " He chuckled, how could he even dare to insult your dead father. " He clearly did not bothered to teach you some manners? " He caressed your flesh over the silk material.

" Shut your fucki-" He did not even let you finish and suddenly grabbed the soft flesh roughly And you couldn't help but gasp - both at his touch and at the jolt you felt between your legs. What the fuck. No. Fuck no. This wasn't happening. He continued to fondle your ass, touching you as if you were a piece of meat on display. " How about I teach you some fucking manners my dear wife? " He asked Mockingly.

" You're fucking sick." You gasped, determinedly ignoring the way your pussy clenched at his words. With all your might, you tried once more to wiggle out of his grasp. Your motions ceased immediately when his palm cracked down on your ass. Hard. And you cried out in both pain and shock.

"You try and move one more time, and I'll use my fucking belt." jimin warned, the threat making your mouth run dry. You immediately fell limp against him, breathing hard from fighting this losing battle. Fuck him. Fuck him for taking you over his knee and spanking you like you were a child. You hung your head, squeezing your eyes shut to keep the tears of anger and embarrassment at bay.

That's more fucking like it." Jimin said, once more going back to squeezing your stinging ass, as if to rub salt on the wound. You bit your lip at the pain, and debated calling for help. And it seemed like he could read your mind: "And by all fucking means, yell and scream all you want. The door's wide open, princess. They can all hear you. But if you think anyone's coming to save you, you're dumber than I thought."

"You... You can't do this." You said, voice breaking but still having a bit of fight left in you.

Jimin lifted the flimsy material of the chemise, exposing your ass to his cold stare. "That's where you're wrong, princess. I can do this. I'm the only fucking one who can do this. And you're gonna take it. Because you deserve it. You deserve to be punished for flaunting your fucking body as if it's not already been claimed."

SMACK

The first hit sounded like the crack of a whip, and stung just as bad. You couldn't help but cry out in pain, knowing you were giving him the very reaction he wanted from you. And how you wished you were stronger, calmer, cooler, more collected. You wished you hadn't given him the satisfaction of hearing your cries of pain. But it hurt like a bitch. So then why could you feel the wetness pooling between your legs?

And it was like Jimin was unleashing hell on your ass, with smack after smack raining down angrily onto your sensitive skin. It was like all his hatred rested in the palm of his hand, which cracked down against your ass with full force, making you scream every time it did.

" Dumb fucking slut." He said through clenched teeth, the spanks never ceasing as he continued to talk. "And to think I felt sorry for you. For being forced into this. To think I left you alone. Didn't say shit when you were in my house, -"

As he was talking to you, you heard a loud series of cries, which immediately made you stiffer. You instantly clutched his biceps because you were scared. You did not know the source and the cries only grew louder along with a sound of hitting something very hard to be precise.

" Jim- is- down- who........ " You mumbled being scared of those atrocious sounds.

" Y/N focus on me. " Jimin ordered with an authority and you couldn't deny him so you nodded your head. Still scared you started sobbing softly.

He grabbed your hairs and pulled you backwards towards him, " Don't ever dare to cut me in between. No one have that power over me got that? " He tugged it harshly making you cry loudly.

" Answer baby....? " He again tugged it.

" Ye-s.... Y-es.. Please I'm so-rry. " You begged. All the faint arousal you felt till now vanished in a blink. You weren't aroused now, not even a bit. You were plain scared. Scared of what might happening downstairs.

" Good, so where was I? Huh I was saying you using my credit card, acting like a spoilt little bitch. Complaining about everything under the fucking sun. And you think you could keep your fucking act for long huh? " He completed his sentence and smacked your butt hard.

To be honest you couldn't focus on jimin properly because the loud muffles and cries could be heard real fucking good from downstairs. And jimin noticed that and he wasn't really happy about it.

He told you to focus on him. Didn't he? But you being the spoiled brat pissed jimin even more.

This time he spanked you really hard, which left you howl in pain.. Wriggling around furiously, you faint sobs turned into ugly ones. " It fucking hurts pleaseeeee. " You begged with whatever energy was left within you.

" Good it should fucking hurt. I told you to focus on me did not I? " He turned you around and manhandled you onto your knees. Your face was red, eyes puffy, lips swollen from all the harsh tugs you gave yourself to keep quiet. " But you had your fucking focus on anything but me. " He wrapped his hands around your neck and squeezed tight. "L-eav-ee.. So-rr-.. Pleas-" The oxygen was cutting, your eyes we're rolling back.

Jimin released your throat giving you a light slap on your cheek. He took in your condition for a good two minutes. And within those two minutes you felt exposed, embarrassed, self conscious and what not. Anyone in your place right now would want to jump from the cliff, he turned you into this condition of yours. He was the reason why you felt ashamed and pathetic.

Jimin stood up from the bed and fixed his obvious bulge, he raked his fingers through his hairs and patted your hair. " Come on stand up. " He helped you in getting up. He wiped your cheeks with his hand, pushed back all the strands of hair which were covering your beautiful face.

" Not so sassy now, are you? " He taunted while sucking his lower lip between his teeth. That coy smile was taunting you. He leaned down and kissed your cheek. Then took your small hands into his and started walking towards the stairs.

" I - need to- chan-ge.. Pleas-ee. " You somehow managed to say that, even though your mind was telling you to keep your mouth shut. Jimin laughed, throwing his head back., " Why now? You should have used your little brain before baby but don't worry now they won't mind. " He said and dragged you downstairs even though you struggled to stay back.

You were feeling scared as jimin dragged you downstairs, the smell instantly hit you, making you nauseous. The iron smell was so strong that it was surely blocking your senses. 1...2...3...4....steps and then you entered the hall. You screamed so loudly that all the heads in the room turned towards you.

No, it must be a dream. The sight in front of you was too disturbing to see. There was a pool of blood on the floor, jungkook's hands were bloody, but the blood wasn't of him. His hair were messy, a few buttons from his shirt were ripped off, other guards were also in the same condition.

Those three men who insulted you were on their knees, fucked out, beaten into a pulp, they were shivering and covered in their on blood.

You unconsciously tried to take a step back but then you remembered jimin was next to you. He quickly tightened his grip over your arms and dragged you forward. You started crying, you were feeling dizzy and felt like vomiting when your feet came in contact with the cold yet warm blood.

" Please, please, please, don-t do this.. I want to go back please ji-min.. " You begged, hell you would beg a hundred time more right now. Fuck your self respect you just want to go back to your room, hide under the covers and cry.

" Sshh baby, you should not cry... They deserved it. You remember how they called you names. Don't you? " Jimin cooed at you, stroking your back while maintaining the tight grip over your arms.

" They dared to disrespect you, my wife. But don't worry I'm still not finished with them. " Jimin chuckled and roughly dragged you towards the couch, so you could get a perfect view of jungkook's art.

To be honest it was the most jimin had ever spoken to you, and you never wished to see him like this.

He sat on the couch and made you sit on his lap. You were scared to death. You were shivering, not because of the cold but because of the fear. Sweat was trickling down your forehead and neck but you couldn't utter a word right now.

" So, what we're you saying noah? Repeat your words.! " Jimin whispered said to one of the men who insulted you. The guy was literally unconscious, he couldn't even open his eye properly. When the guy did not replied jungkook grabbed his hair and shook his head sideways. Thr lateral groaned in pain.

" Say something buddy, I'm waiting.!! " Jimin said as he fumbled with your nighty straps. You were traumatized, couldn't utter a word, the tears were continuously flowing down.

" Bas-t-ar-d. " The guy barely said and instantly received a punch from jungkook. The action made you shriek loudly. You did not want to be here. Even if those guys called you a whore, you don't want them to die.

" Shut up will you? I'm talking right here ain't I?? " Jimin grabbed your chin and turned his side harshly, you Whimpered as you looked into his eyes. They were emotionless, this jimin right here, in front of you was different.

" m'sorr-y.... Please. Please. Jus-t... I won-t do that again. Please. " You begged, with your hands joined in front of him.

" I will let you go princess, but we have to give them a show. They're our guest. Sit pretty and listen to me now. Won't you? " Jimin pecked your lips as he cooed at you. Stroking your wet cheeks with his thick fingers and pushing back the hair from your face.

" No. No-No... Pleas- No. " Your eyes widened, you cried loudly and struggled against his body. You were trying to get up but jimin easily held you in place.

" Sshhh... You don't want me to fuck you on the floor. Now would you? " Jimin warned and in one quick movement he tore the lace material off your body. You screamed and cried, he was being inhuman. How could he do these things in front of other people?

" Come on y/n, jungkook did so much for you! He deserves a show as well. Would you like that jeon? " He asked from the brown hair boy sheepishly.

" Anything you want Hyung. " The boy replied with a smirk on his face and jimin signaled the other guards to leave the place.

" I swe-ar i would not dis-obey you again. Jimi-n please dontt do th-is... Please. I promise I Will li-ssten to you. Promise.. Please just don-tt. " You furiously begged, at the moment you would do anything to change your husband's mind. But it was too late he already started separating your legs roughly, and flicked your nipples with other hand.

He stopped and looked at you, " See, princess? See how easy it is for me to break you? To reduce you to a crying mess?" He stroked his finger against your cheek, gathering the salty tears that were drying against the soft skin. His touch was feather-soft, intimate. And you felt so humiliated, so defeated, so conflicted - and now it confused you why he was being so gentle.

You sniffled. No other man had ever reduced you to feeling like a humiliated, kicked puppy. "I was just... I just... Please." It was like you couldn't gather yourself, couldn't tame your thoughts which seemed to be running every which way.

Jimin's hand slowly slid down your thighs and ghosted over your pussy. " Don't cry baby this will only teach you a lesson. You thought I was some local mafia? On whom you could shout, blame, curse anytime? No baby, I'm the fuckin king. " Jimin stated as hi flicked your clit lightly. You weren't in your senses right now, you couldn't believe your eyes and ears.

You audibly gasped, the sudden direct contact making you almost convulse forward into his chest. You grabbed a fistful of his white shirt, scrunching your eyes shut and wishing to God that maybe he will stop tormenting you, that maybe he could feel pitty for you.

" You're soaking baby..... You really are crazy my lady. " Jimin fake gasped, easing a thick finger into your pussy. And you cried into his chest, hating that after beating the living shit out of your ass, and scaring the daylights out of you this man had casually just began fingering you and it felt so fucking good. You prayed he or jungkook wouldn’t notice when you began to slowly hump against his finger, wanting to create more friction. He chuckled, “You’re a naughty fucking slut, aren’t you? All riled up and on edge, wet from all this mess in front of you, Now you want your daddy to take care of you, don’t you?”

You were too ashamed to reply, your face still buried in his chest, your tears staining his shirt and your lips bitten raw from trying to suppress your moans. Jimin added another finger and increased his pace, his thumb finding your clit and causing you to cry out. He smirked, “Who knew how easy it was to get you to shut your mouth. You got nothing to say anymore, baby? Where’s my little wife who loves to run her mouth, huh? Where’s she gone?”

Please,” You mewled softly, arching your back from the mounting pleasure, his fingers curving upwards and brushing against all the right spots. His thumb expertly massaged your clit, as if he knew your body, knew exactly how it worked. As if this wasn’t the first time he was touching you down there. “Please, I just…”

Immediately, jimin pulled his fingers out of you, your pussy making a squelching sound – as if it was trying to keep his fingers inside you. The heightened pleasure you were feeling instantly died down, and you cried out in indignation, “Wh-What! No! Please!” You gripped his forearm, “Please!”

“You don’t deserve shit after that stunt you pulled earlier baby.” jimin said simply. His eyes trailed towards the three barely alive body's and on jungkook who was no doubt enjoying the show and then back at you. He sighed, his fingers, soaking with your juices, now absentmindedly playing with the lacy borders of your ruined nighty which now sat bunched up around your waist. “You ruined my meeting, sweetheart. And now, you’ve distracted me.”

You swallowed harshly when he took your hand, placing it on top of his clothed dick. God, he was so hard. Painfully hard.

" Clean up the mess jungkook, will you? " Jimin said standing up, straightening the creases he got over his trousers.

" Don't kill them yet, I want them alive. Move to basement and I'll be there shortly. " Jimin ordered jungkook and the boy nodded in response like a fucking robot. He too had no emotions no guilt in his eyes and body language. They all are beyond your imagination.

Your husband turned towards you and offered you a hand, " Come baby, you still got to learn so much. I'll make sure everything stays in your pea size brain. " Words took a few seconds to register in your mind. It's not the end, he still has so much in his mind. How will you survive this?

YOU HAD ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING IDEA.!

Taglist

@hoseokteardrop @screamertannie @hopeonthestreet67 @qttp365 @taeluv13 @favfanfictsbts @elayne321 @kooookie @sweetwolfcupcake @vvh0adie @yellabella77 @bri-mal @g-o-bs--fanfictions @miyaohyeahh @dearbambideer @emojkluvr @abcbabcba @stannorr @realhotficshit @sweetlovesjk @kookieboo @sublimekidoafknight @bonny-kookoo @aliceaflor5-blog @kookiecrumb @jjkeverlast @prettyghost @kooliv @gimmethatagustd @pb-n-juju @aslias17 @ririlovesangst @taehyungseggs @dewamused @jungshook7 @moonfaery @fragmentof-indifference *sorry for the tags, trying to grow my community back. * :)

331 notes · View notes

imp111 · 2 months ago

Text

PICO HEADCANNONS 1

trigger mentions: school shootings, depression, anxiety content: slight fnf pico, ooc pico, jumbled writing, pico, pico, pico, mentions of nene and darnell, pico,

author's note: I haven't written like this since my quotev days LOL so i apologize that my writing is kind of all over the place.

(for context, the events of pico school happened in elementary because that's what the wiki says!!!!) 1.) Whenever something serious happens, Pico's instinctive response is always fight, never flight (or in his case, stand around in shock or hide). He only did so once, which was when Cassandra suddenly began to school up his classroom (during the opening scene). After that day, he couldn't stand the thought of dissociating on the spot again. He always forces himself to act. It's instinctual, which sometimes ends up with him being in a lot of trouble.

2.) Pico rapidly aged after elementary school. He lost his spunk and started getting serious mood swings. He already had anger issues before, but this is when it really began to develop. He didn't talk as much and kind of became a loner. He knew what happened was wrong, but it never fully hit him until the end of middle school. He never got an official diagnosis, but it doesn't take a scientist to see when somebody is going through depression, and Pico was obviously depressed. He gave up on completing school and college and everything else he fantasied about when he was a kid. But somehow, by the grace of god, he ended up finishing high school with barely passing grades and an even shitter GPA. 4.) I kind of see him more aloof and tense than what fnf depicted him as. Personally, I just don't see him being extroverted and all carefree. So, with that said, Pico isn't that much of a people person. He's pretty inconsiderate of strangers, but of course he's not going to be a dick unless someone is first. 5.) It took him a while to get used to being in crowds like malls and generally just be out and about again. It took a lot of Nene and Darnell to get it through his head that not every crowded place was a death trap for him. It was a lot worse when he was in high school, but like a year after graduating he got diagnosed with schizophrenia and was properly medicated.

6.) With that said, Nene and Darnell also practically forced him to get his ass out of his house and see a doctor. There was no way in hell they could convince him to get therapy (because men will do anything but go to therapy), so they opted with getting him at least medicated for his delusions. It took a lot of nagging (especially from Nene) for him to at least *see* somebody that could prescribe him something that'd help with his anxiety. He didn't think they'd do shit but come to find out, Meds... can actually help with his depression?? And his mood swings?? 7.) Pico doesn't have self-esteem issues. He actually thinks he's fairly attractive. And yet, somehow, that man is absolutely bitchless. 8.) No, but seriously, Pico needs major work done on himself before he starts dating again, and he knows damn well, too. His last relationship was with a blue-haired twink who was crushing on some bimbo and he was too mentally checked out to really care about him. Even now that he has a better mindset, it's still such a struggle for him to be vulnerable. Talking about his struggles makes him cringe, and besides that, he literally kills people for a living. Maybe if he finds somebody good, he'd change, but for right now he's just going to be independent.

#picos school #pico headcanons #this feels really short but i'm super tired atm and it's almost 11 LOL i need to go to bed #pico brainrot #fnf pico #fnf nene #fnf darnell #pico newgrounds

16 notes · View notes

snickerdoodlles · 8 months ago

Text

emberfaye replied to your post "choose violence ask game except its just me complaining about fic tropes..."

☕☕☕☕

am going to do my absolute BEST not to ramble too much here, but okay so!! 4 Chay things that will have me back-flipping out of a fic at the speed of light:

babyfication of Chay

i just. ugh. ugh. he is not a baby. he's a 17-18yo guy who half-raised himself due to some shit circumstances and took care of himself entirely by himself for minimum several months. the only difference between him and an adult is that he's not making his own income. Porsche and Arthee doing their best to give Chay as much of a childhood as they can afford him still doesn't change the fact that Chay grew up young and fast just like the rest of this cast. if he acts uwu innocent baby i'm gone. if the author calls him an uwu baby in their notes i'm gone. ugh.

being weird about Chay's or Barcode's age, specifically in regards to sex

as above, i'm pretty shirty about people babying him in general, but fandom is plain weird about Chay having sex. esp him and Kim having sex. 1. their age gap is not that big, and their circumstances have left them on pretty equal footing re the growing up too fast thing. 2. please assess why you think 18 fixes whatever your concerns are with 17yos having sex. 3. teens have sex. dunno what tf was happening with the rest of you but i knew kids even young as junior high who were already fucking. sure, i thought they were fucking idiots for it, but my concerns about people having sex young are rooted in the fact that sex is an inherently very vulnerable act and that's a lot to put yourself thru emotionally during the age range when everything's a wild emotional cocktail. but like. teens still do it. teens are gonna experiment with adult things and sometimes that means experimenting with sex. i personally might not think it's a good idea, but something not being a good idea doesn't inherently make it a bad one either. please stop being weird about it thanks.

calling Chay "bambi"

i just really don't like it. part of it's related to the babyfication thing, but mostly it's just one of those silly things my brain went nOPE on and oh well. back click. 😂

mischaracterizing Chay's anger

so like. this one is tricky because a lot of it comes down to personal interpretation of canon, but also like. a lot of my mischaracterization gripes involves people writing tropes or drama anger instead of Chay's anger, so. yeah. 😂 a lot of people default to writing explosive anger because it's easier to write, but in canon Chay is just. so completely not explosive. and it's not because he's bottling up anger (which!! even if he was, suddenly exploding due to pressure isn't a good thing, gah).

a lot of Chay's personality stems from Needing To Be Okay. a lot of Chay's personal motivations are trying to help Porsche with his burdens and when Porsche won't let him take on extra responsibilities, Chay does what he can to not add to Porsche's plate. and part of not being a burden is quietly dealing with his anger and resentments on his own time. (another factor playing into that is Porsche and Chay really only have each other-- Porsche deals with his anger very quietly too, and it's very characteristic of how they really don't want to hurt each other because they don't have many other people they care about, so they remove themselves from tense/bad situations best they can to reflect on their anger and return to talk about it after they've calmed down.)

Chay is fierce in his anger, but he withdraws when he's pissed and he always tries to talk it out with the intention of achieving clarity. and if i don't feel like a story's going to handle Chay's resentment/anger in a way that feels true to how it was shown in canon (there's a few litmus tests but mostly i'm going by vibes), i just click out because i already know any plot conflict won't feel fully or properly resolved to me in the end :/

[ send a ☕, get a bitchy* fic opinion ]

*personal opinion, I'm not going to be mean

#laughing at myself a bit because i definitely overthought this one #but it was fun lol #<33 #kinnporsche #tea asks #<- btws friends please lmk if i need to change that tag into something more specific/easier to block???

52 notes · View notes

bitterseaproduction · 7 months ago

Text

An Indispensable Silver Lining | The Hobbit Ref Dump

So, I can’t (see: don’t want to) go on with An Indispensable Silver-Lining until I can sit down and rewatch some Desolation of Smaug to pin down some character locations, and I really wanna decide if I’m going full movie-verse or embracing a specific fanedit or book+movie mix and what timeline I want to hold myself to for Thorin—

Can you believe I started this fic thinking ‘I’m not going to get bogged down by canon or details this time. I just wanna write for the fun’? 😂 That went well.

Point is, just because I want to gather some canon facts? It hasn’t stopped me from writing up 1500 words of a chapter 2+ plan, or over 6 THOUSAND WORDS of long-term storyboarding in less than THREE DAYS covering Smaug and the men/dwarves/elves factions and the orcs and some of the bagginshield progression and the ‘act 1’ climax and like three ways ‘act 2’ could break bad, and— well, you can tell it’s a true passion project when I keep stepping away, think of another thing, and scramble back to my phone to jot down a few hundred more words in whatever moments I can steal. And, more pertinent to this post, I can’t stop devouring a ton of resources and inspiration.

So, with that in mind, I thought I’d just share something of those sources! For fun, for later reference for myself as I write, for practical use if you’d like it yourself, or maybe you just want something else to read and these are great fics/lore bits to choose!

Updated May 15th, 2024. Additions marked with a *

The Hobbit Trilogy Fan Edit Sources

A Comprehensive Guide to Fan Edits of the Hobbit Trilogy An older list, but viable for what it covers

Help on choosing Hobbit fan edit? Which is the best? A second reddit list, a bit more modern.

FanEdit.org: Lord of the Rings franchise A comprehensive list of options for The Hobbit + other LotR works

* Specific Fan Edits

I still need to watch all of the edits I've found properly from beginning to end, but after skimming through a number of options, looking for specific wants and do-not-wants in each and reading/watching a few things on how each version was created, I think I have narrowed my interest down to these three fan edits:

Chris Hartwell's Hobbit Trilogy A very comprehensive cut that keeps pretty much all of the movie beats intact, just trims down the trilogy's more clunky spots to create a more polished film experience. (i.e. a reduced Radagast, Alfrid, older Bilbo, some of the action scenes, etc.) Generally prioritizes Bilbo as the MC and his dynamic with Thorin as the through-line of the story and includes some of the extended scenes that highlight both, which I really appreciate.

The Hobbit, or There and Back Again An edit that more fully cuts some of the less loved factors of the movies like the Tauriel romance, but not nearly as cut-heavy as a lot of the more well-known fan edits.

The Compromise Cut Very similar to 'or There and Back Again' but more ambitious in rearranging footage to create new beats to cover cuts vs 'or There and Back Again' being more of a clean 'straight from the source' cut.

For my purposes, Hartwell's will probably be my go-to for full lore and plot inclusion & the most 'bang for my buck' while being a cleaner watch than the OG, while There and Back Again or The Compromise Cut are what I would share with friends who despise some of the film-only content, but are willing to give the trilogy another try.

I know there are a number of other great edits of there, M4 and MapleFilms being especially loved, ~but~ I set a rule for myself that any edit that cut the carrock hug was instantly out, so these were the three I landed on.

Resource Websites

The Encyclopedia of Arda Tolkien Gateway LotR Online

Specific Details

TEoA: A Viewer’s Companion (AUJ) TEoA: A Viewer’s Companion (DoS) TEoA: A Viewer’s Companion (TBoFA) TEoA: Longbeards + The Other Clans

TG: Quest Motivations Generally good overview of the point of the quest and what happened.

TG: Smaug Role / Gandalf motivation "Following the sack of Erebor, Gandalf felt that Sauron would take advantage of Middle-earth's weakened state and attack Rivendell and Lothlórien or try regain Angmar; he also feared that Sauron "might use" Smaug "with terrible effect". [...The White Council] attacked Dol Guldur in TA 2941, while Sauron and Smaug could not "help one another". [...] his adversaries were able to drive him from the fortress with relative ease. [...] Sauron abandoned Dol Guldur willingly, and returned secretly to Mordor, where he would openly declare himself in TA 2951, and began preparations for his final war to dominate Middle-earth."

TG: The Arkenstone Arkenstone info from book and adaptations

* Khuzdul Words for Fanfiction Writers A resource for Khuzdul words for - as the name says - fanfic writers!

Durin's Line Tapestry from DoS Shows the family connections with original book birth dates for all. Even though it was presumably made pre-sacking in 2770, and 3 of the company depicted were born after Erebor fell. That... is curious.

The Line of Dwarves A more thorough (and intriguing) look at the dwarf lines and relevant dates, all book-based.

Comprehensive Genealogy Chart of all the Hobbits from J.R.R. Tolkien's Legendarium My gosh is this expansive... and hard to load up on a screen, but if you don't want to miss something, check this!

HOBBIT FAMILY TREE: How are Bilbo, Frodo, Pippin, Merry, and Sam related? The less brain-breaking hobbit tree that focuses on the main 5 from the books.

Lord of the Rings Hobbit Family Tree More of a middle-ground on the 2 above options.

* Prominent Hobbit Families and Individuals A lovely breakdown of the hobbit families as a group, what they are like and who are the crucial members of those families.

Bag-End PJ Hobbit Map Crucial for Bilbo background & any Shire scenes if they come!

* Untangling Middle-Earth's many routes to evil A map of where all of the characters traveled in The Hobbit and The Lord of the RIngs! I found this handy when I was trying to track Gandalf in particular.

A chronology of The Hobbit A day-by-day breakdown of the journey in The Hobbit, great for what-ifs and assessing likely travel times!

Suggested Alternative Timeline For The Hobbit by @avelera A very nice older post on a potential timeline alternative for The Hobbit films. As said above, the films do use the original dates in places, but as this post says, they don't always make sense about it. This is a nice option to consider instead.

Major Inspiration Fics

Backs To The Wall by @conkers-thecosy My current top TH/LotR read, a great active WIP, definitely a direct inspiration to me with the failure to get into Erebor leading things off course! And I'll likely have a parallel Laketown focus for a bit, though nothing as detailed and lived-in as Conkers' fic. And, aside from great writing and general motivation to write TH/Bagginshield, I love the portrayals of the characters (BILBO, Thorin, Gandalf, Dwalin, Nori, Bard and the Bardlings--) and pairings. Definitely tempting me towards Dwalin/Nori here!

And I'm Your Lionheart by Lee_Whimsy There always seems to be a fic in every fandom of mine that draws me in very early, becomes an instant fave, and then hangs there unfinished but perpetually on my mind. The 'one that got away' fic. This is it, and I shall forever love it, and you can just bet it will bleed into my takes somewhere, especially with Gandalf and Legolas and Bard and Fíli, if I recall correctly. I should totally reread this, or at least sections of it. Reading to the 'end' is... painful.

The Most Precious of Treasures by @sapphireshelle91 Another long untouched WIP, but a VERY different one, as it is a) post-TBoFA, and b) features a female Bilbo and parentshield with dwobbit!Frodo. I include this one because a) I love a number of the characterizations, b) if 'And I'm Your Lionheart' gives me the infrastructure and maintenance inspiration for Erebor, THIS fic delivers on the politics and intrigue, and c) I am a HUGE sucker for parentshield, be it biological or adoptive, so naturally I'm contemplating it for my own fic. Still iffy on which way I'll take it, but I've fallen down some intriguing rabbit holes in regards to Shire culture and Bilbo's background while considering the biological option, and I'd be loathe to abandon those ideas now. But either way, this fic deserves a definite nod for motivating me to come up with ideas.

Home Behind and Home Ahead by Etharei Love the characterizations in this one, and anything that gives me a tap into Bilbo's character is appreciated. And I don't know if I'll draw much on it for this fic in particular, but I love all forms of parentshield and this is a lovely dynamic between the three characters, so I'd happily draw from it in the abstract.

* Planting a Hobbit by @northerntrash I adore the vibe of this! A sweet 'Bilbo in Erebor' AU focused on the dwarves (Thorin especially) being so silly and endearing in their efforts to make Bilbo happy, and featuring some nice world and dynamic building in the process.

* Bad Blood by @conkers-thecosy Yo~ give me a nice what-if any day, and having it feature a protective!Bilbo + ardent!Thorin + gremlin!elvenking in the process, with a side of dwarven culture and royal politics? For it.

* [explicit!] Safe and Distant by Lindzzz I ADORE a Bilbo like this. A Bilbo who isn't oblivious about his feelings or denying them, but whose self-image/image of Thorin makes him unable to Comprehend anything not one-sided could come of those feelings. Who celebrates Thorin's good regard with joy and accepts it as 'enough' and 'more than he could ask for'. Who would probably just combust at the idea Thorin might want more, might want something beyond what their adventure can provide, just as Bilbo does... or just as Bilbo would, if he would allow himself to even accept that as a possibility. A Bilbo who finds the idea of Thorin wanting him back terrifying, because to hope for that and be wrong? It would shatter him. ...Yeah, I am very, very for this Bilbo. (And that doesn't even touch on the Thorin or the last chapter, omg-)

* [explicit] Canoodling by @avelera This fic is sweet. This fic is funny. This fic touches on differences between the Tolkien cultures and misunderstandings and the unique ways that could affect intimacy with a couple, and you know that bagginshield is a gold mine opportunity for all of that. I love any explicit work that plays with experience levels and expectations and lets the couple mess up and then swing it back around to lovely afterwards, because that's realistic and relatable and thus, when done right, all the more attractive a read! And this one does it well, a good foundation read.

#bagginshield #the hobbit #an indispensable silver lining #aisl reference #reference post #fic recommendations #the hobbit fan edits #If I don't get to watch DoS or at least a fanedit this weekend I will riot

20 notes · View notes

iniziare · 14 days ago

Text

DAV Spoilers. Or at least, my "general game opinions". I'll be vague in terms of the game's conclusion, so you don't have to worry about spoilers. Though unless you've finished most of the game (roughly halfway act 2, or just around part 10 in terms of Steam achievements), not all of this will make sense to you. But in short: I like it, I like it a lot.

First off, I need to be honest and say that I went into Veilguard as an absolute critic with the expectation that as a fan of the older games and their lore, I was going to rip into it. After all the news of the team crumbling, I simply lost all faith. But worst of all, I was going to do so while potentially not even playing the game. But in all of my rationality, I always say that one only ever has a right to judge something, after having given it enough of a fair chance. So that's what I did (and admittedly, I had some hype simmering in my heart to see the ending of a story that had become very dear to me), and I don't regret it. Dragon Age: Veilguard, in my opinion, is deserving of praise, and is unworthy of the bad reviews it's gotten. Alright, this is only part of my opinion— but it got a little ramble-y, so forgive me.

Rook. I thought that it was going to be impossible to get me hooked on another protagonist, especially in today's society where people seem to prefer a 'make your own' approach, as opposed to my personal preference of a pre-written character. For instance, I always had a clear preference for Hawke vs. the Warden and/or Inquisitor, but that's just me— I don't like 'creating' my character when I play, I simply want to be told an established story (AC Valhalla is an example of a massive dislike for me). But again, I'm aware that this comes down to preference. Now, I was afraid that Rook would be an even blanker canvas, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn differently. Rook is incredibly reminiscent to me of Hawke, without being a copy in whatsoever way. I'm delighted to have the sarcastic option back (and as many, I loved that it was reacted to by Solas), as it really adds some wonderful personality into the mix. To add to that, I love that it's Rook who is the 'comical relief' without being actually outright comical to a point where it's too much, which would then risk taking away from the weight of the story. Bioware chose a perfect balance here. Outside of that, I very much appreciate the backstory options. My first playthrough had me picking the Crows out of curiosity and as an ode to an old favorite's origins (hi, Zevran), and it was very fun. I enjoyed the consistent mentions and references of the tales of her past after I'd chosen them, and I find enjoyment knowing that even the small details change a bit, such as the verbal reactions to the ziplines. I also was very happy to see her interact well with Solas, because that was another big concern of mine, as I was very worried that there might have been a decision made to add in any sort of flirtations (despite knowing Weekes likely wouldn't go there, based on Solas' foundation). Rook and Solas' dynamic is one I very thoroughly enjoy in exactly the form it was presented in. Up until the very end of the story, she stayed consistent with my choices, and had me seated here with blurry emotional vision on occasion. And while those who know me know that I can get very emotional over details in games, it isn't actually that easy to get me there initially. But good job, Bioware, Rook is a worthy, and wonderful addition to your lineup of protagonists. Good job.

Solas. God, the consistency of his character in this and DAI has driven me wild to the extent of a rabid dog. It is so good, I'm wildly impressed. If there was ever a character that I could give up all of my other characters for, I genuinely think it would be Solas. He is incredible. I was thrilled to see the connection to Mythal more properly addressed, and while I know that there's many firm opinions out there on this dynamic (my own write-up will be incoming), it was made clear that their dynamic was always one of utmost fundamental importance, at least to Solas and his motivations. That's my big thing, Mythal's perspective aside, I think that it was imperative that we learned just why Mythal was such a 'final transgression' and catalyst for all of his actions (though don't worry, this isn't me taking away his accountability). And from a personal point of view, while Solas' origins were hinted at already in DAI, it was nice to see it confirmed that he, and the others, indeed originated as spirits. And in that, it is good to have learned how he became 'twisted' from his nature as a spirit of wisdom, to one of pride. I think that's fundamental to his character, and I also greatly enjoy the elaboration on some of Cole's lines in DAI about Solas, and who we now know for sure was Mythal: 'He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face.' A lot of things hit vastly differently now, when you look back and you realize you have confirmed answers finally in the palm of your hand. I thoroughly questioned Mythal when I went for her essence, reloading multiple times as to ensure that I got as much lore as I could. And I hurt, especially since the end of the game. As I said, I won't spoil, but the ending has left me emotionally scarred in more ways than I could ever explain. That interaction, that emotional release was everything to me, and it was good to see it, even if I could barely see my screen anymore at one point. Weekes did Solas justice in so many ways, and while I initially had a little bit of a peeve at a decision in the game towards the end, my rationality had kicked in, and it was a logical decision. I'm happy, I think, if that's the right word that I can use for this. Also, seeing the scene from the trailer was so good, I screamed at my screen. I just, I'm in total and utter love with this man.

Dragon Keep/choices. Let me actually get to my point of criticism, but know I'm approaching this rationally, and not emotionally. I need Bioware to confirm their canon within these games, and if they officially want to let go of the 'decisions that we once made', then just say it and state it somewhere. Tell us what the decisions are. But that aside, I do want to play light devil's advocate, because I think that it's important. Since the revelation about Morrigan in specific, I've been caught in the push and pull of 'does this make sense for her character', and I think that it's so easy to say 'no, it doesn't' when thinking of DAO, but we're not coming from DAO. We're coming from DAI (after numerous years of development for multiple characters), where Morrigan had already shown a pressing interest in something that held a high risk of her getting possessed by Mythal just like her mother. Despite this, and despite her arc in DAO, she wants to drink from the Well of Sorrows. 'But there was no choice, for Corypheus was going to destroy Thedas', the Inquisitor was an option the entire time. No, what I actually am personally of the opinion of (although I'm waiting on my Morrigan expert to finish playing, for I am not an excessively thorough one yet), is that Morrigan was, and remained hell-bent on obtaining knowledge/power, it has been part of her arc for a long time, and even the threat of possession didn't dissuade her from the possibility of obtaining an unusual amount of it in an unparalleled rare form. That isn't, in my opinion, bad or lazy writing, that is consistent and shows a character flaw that I don't think is often addressed with 'protagonists' enough most of the time: greed. I want flaws that make it much more difficult for me to feel inclined to agree with those that call her the Indiana Jones of Thedas, for she is a brilliant character— but a character with flaws. Now do I think, since having watched the ending, that her presence was also a plot device for Mythal in one way or another? Possibly, but that's merely a side addition in my opinion. I just find it too easy to simply go 'it's bad writing', because while I could agree, it also means you then have to condemn Morrigan for the exact same reason back in DAI, which I don't think is something that's fair to do. An argument could be made that Veilguard has lost most of its original team of writers (including David Gaider himself) and so they took liberties, but that same argument can't be made for DAI. Gaider created this franchise, he had intentions for characters, and arcs, and he ultimately is the one who decided when something was good to go. And on top of that, he wrote and created an amazing franchise, and he earned my trust because he did that. And so I trust that the presence of Morrigan in DAI was logical, which I did think it was— it showed flaws that I craved to see outside of her arc in DAO. And I think having seen DAI, that Veilguard isn't unrealistic for her. And as to why this isn't a 'full possession' as it was with Flemeth, I think the key for that is realizing that she obtained it alongside that headpiece where Mythal was killed by Solas. Because what we also know, in that little scene— and it took me a rewatch of it, but Flemeth/Mythal left part of herself in that Eluvian at the beginning of the scene. I would bet that's what Morrigan possesses now, since Solas himself is the one who 'absorbed' the part of Mythal that had fully possessed Flemeth. Does this match with what Morrigan says? Not exactly, but I don't think that she's a reliable narrator.

#ooc. [ don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. ]#dav spoilers #dragon age spoilers

4 notes · View notes

champignone · 26 days ago

Text

I've decided to start a rewatch of FMA 03 to write my thoughts on each episode and share them here. I wanna do the same with FMAB eventually but we'll see how it goes. Anyway,

Episode 1: To Challenge The Sun Ok, so, first off, I LOVE 03's artstyle. I don't know how to define it, but I already love how 2000s animes look, and when you combine it with 03's palette, then use Hiromu Arakawa's artstyle as a base, you get this eye-orgasm that is the whole show. I mean, just look at these two screencaps, for example!

And you could say that I'm using the two stills that are specifically drawn to stay in your memory and not standard frames, which have way less effort put into them, and to that I say FUCK YOU, check this out!

Like, look at the way the rain stays on the ground, look at how fucking much it's coming down in the second pic, look at the colors of Ed's coat or Al's armor, look at that bright blue sky-- Do you see what I'm talking about!? THIS SHOW LOOKS SO! GOODDDD!!!!!

But enough about the colors. I wanna talk about the narrative and characters now. For starters, this is a great first episode. It sets you up with the dramatic, gory and even horrifying (with that look they give us of Sloth's face) incident that was Ed and Al's human transmutation, and it leaves you asking what the fuck happened until the end of the episode, where Ed and Al themselves explain that they committed a horrible mistake, a sin, even, and that they paid the price for it. But it also shows you how goofy and fun the show can be, establishing the dynamic and usual antics the brothers go through, with Ed generally being the hotheaded and loud one, while Al is the patient and reserved one, as well as the one that's always trying to make his older brother calm down when someone does so much as mention his height.

Then Al tells Rose the basics about the show's not-so-magic-please-dont-call-it-magic-it-makes-edward-really-mad-for-some-reason system: Alchemy. The science of understanding, deconstructing and reconstructing matter, and how its most important law is equivalent exchange. And then it throws another hook at you, what with Cornello performing a 'miracle' that Edward says is just alchemy both without a transmutation circle and also completely ignoring the laws of alchemy (and that question is not answered until episode 2 so letsjustskiprightoverthatpleasethankyou).

Another thing I wanted to mention is how cynical and even annoying Ed is about science vs. superstition, even to the point where Al complains about it. Though something that confused me at first is how, when Ed is being all "yeah science is the best religion sucks how did you know im subscribed to r/atheism' to Rose, he mentions that it's only a matter of time before science finds a way to bring someone back to life, but when confronted by Cornello, he shows his automail to rose and says "You need to see what happens when you try to bring a human to life, when you cross into God's territory". At first I thought it was just him being arrogant, then for some reason I thought he was faking it just to make his speech to Rose make a stronger impact on her, but then I remembered Ed had no way of knowing it was gonna get to the point where Rose would see his automail, and then I realized it's because at this point in the show the Elrics are still looking for the stone, it's probably just Edward still having that tiny shred of hope of seeing his mom again, even if the reason they're looking for the stone is to get their bodies back and not try to revive Trisha again.

Then there's the voice acting. I'm gonna get this out of the way right now: I know about Vic's controversy, though I would say I'm not really "properly" informed, or at least not as much as I think I should be for this type of discussion, so I'll just limit myself to saying that he's a great VA, and I think Ed's speech at the end of the episode is a really good argument as to why. Then there's Al's VA, Aaron Dismuke. And I've wanted to say this for a long time, I absolutely ADORE that they chose to use an actual child for Al's voice here. Not only does it make sense in-universe, with Al having lost his body at the age of, like, 6 or 7, but he also fits the role perfectly. He constantly sounds gentle and well-mannered. And like, I love Maxey Whitehead's performance in Brotherhood. I think she did a great job and actually managed to sound like a boy instead of just using her normal voice and maybe making it a bit higher pitched (and/or raspier for some reason? idk, no disrespect but ive heard some vas make their voices raspier for some reason and i dont get why the fuck they do that), but when compared to Aaron...yeah, no, sorry, but she has no chance. Especially when Al's voice actually changes a bit in CoS because he has his body back and he's grown up, instead of keeping the exact same VA they used before like in Brotherhood (though thats more of a voice direction thing really, but it still frustrates me). The rest of the cast doesn't stand out very much to me, at least not in this episode, but they're good too.

And I guess the only thing left to talk about would be the action, but there's not much of it in this first episode, which I guess would be the only negative thing that I can find about it. Though from what we're shown at the end of it, it is pretty good, fast paced, and smooth. I need a gif in order to expand on what I'm trying to say here but I wasn't able to find any blogs or whatever that had any from the first episode's singular action scene, so I'm sadly getting cut short.

Anyway, It's like 11PM on a sunday when I'm posting this and I still got a couple things to do before heading to bed so, I'm sorry for not having a proper conclusion but I am TIRED. I started writing this shit like an hour ago. Buh bye, have a good day.

#val's fma03 rewatch #fma #fma 03 #anime #show review #not really a review more like a long rant but whatever #i want this to reach at least few people goddammit #ive been writing this for like an hour

5 notes · View notes

selunesfavouriteprincess · 2 months ago

Note

4, 9, 24 for whichever tav you feel like!

Thank you so much for enabling me to talk about my Tavs 🙏🙏

I’m gonna answer these about Xurith, my Drow monk who romanced Lae’zel, and who will be making several appearances in my upcoming kinktober if I ever finish writing them oops

4. What would your Tav’s romance scenes look like? How many would they have?

Xurith is uhhhhhh a bit of an idiot when it comes to romance, and this is why she romanced Lae’zel and not Shadowheart; Lae came up to her and declared her interest very clearly and obviously. Which worked on her.

So if she was an npc being romanced you’d have to be the one to approach her. Your approval would need to be fair for her first romance scene and she would be so down to make out sloppy style, she has no hang-ups over becoming physical early in the relationship. She won’t actively progress it any further without prompting but if the player asks about taking it further she’s very positive about it.

Her second romance scene would be triggered towards the end of act 2, but you'd have to actively be camping at Last Light to trigger it. She’d be antsy and itching to make some sort of progress in the quests and at night she comes over and asks to share your bedroll (in a cuddling way, not a sex way). You are going to be the big spoon whether you want to or not. This is the scene where she shares her worries about the journey with you, and she cries for the first time in years. After the player comforts her you both fall asleep/trance, and in the morning Xurith (very uncharacteristically shyly) asks if they’re official now or something. If the player says yes she goes oh FUCK YES and asks to kiss you right away.

Her third romance scene is in the city in act 3. There’s a soft sex scene and then pillow talk about what you want to do after the netherbrain is defeated. She says she never wants to go back to the Underdark again; if your character is an Underdark dweller, you can choose if they want to say they’ll stay with her or that they want to go back home. If you say they’ll go back home she’ll tell you that she won’t go back, and she’ll enjoy this relationship while it lasts but she won’t follow you back down there. If you want to stay together in Faerun/go to the Astral Plane as a gith then she says she’ll be with you for as long as you’ll have her. If you say “That’s forever” then she’ll smile and say “Forever is a big promise. Are you sure you’ll still want me in fifty years?” Of course the correct dialogue response here is “There’s not a doubt in my mind.” She kisses you and says “Nor mine.”

9. What’s the significance behind your Tav’s name?

So Xurith is a name I actually just took from a drow name generator without much thought to it (she was my second ever Tav so I didn’t put loads of thought into her name like I do now), so I just looked to see if I could find the meaning. The closest I could put together from the drow name guide of prefixes and suffixes was Xullithra which means crimson dragon, which is one of the most accidentally brilliant coincidences I could’ve had for a character romancing Lae’zel.

(Also after this it’s now my hc that she was actually named Xullithra but because she lost her family so young she couldn’t pronounce her name properly, and so when the monks took her in off the street they asked her her name and she said Xuwifuh in her little baby voice and they thought she said Xurith. So that became her name from then on).

24. What does your Tav consider to be their own biggest character flaw?

She’s somewhat absent-minded, very impulsive and doesn’t think her words through before saying them. In an alternate version of events she argued with Vlaakith at the crèche long enough to get the whole party disintegrated. She’s also literally a monk so mindfulness and inaction have been drilled into her from a young age, but she just can’t seem to handle her free spirit and impulsivity. The Mother in charge of the monastery tried so hard to calm it, got her meditating for hours and hours a day, tried positive and negative reinforcement, and eventually came to the conclusion that she was a lost cause. The monks were singing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Xurith every single day at the monastery is what I’m saying. The thing is, it’s not necessarily her worst quality - it’s just what she’s been taught is her worst quality

#Tav: Xurith #tysm I love to talk about my Tavs and Xurith is very special to me she’s such a girlfailure

2 notes · View notes

a-taupe-fox · 4 months ago

Text

White Collar D/s AU: Sub Frenzy

Intro Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 Pt. 6 Pt. 7 Pt. 8 I am being fucking HAUNTED by this White Collar concept, but I haven’t written a proper fic in like. Several fuckin’ years, and I am too realistic to think I’ll be able to keep it up once my life gets busy again in the fall. SO. White Collar D/s AU Which I Will Not Properly Write: (AKA the Sub Frenzy AU) SUB FRENZY. - Sub frenzy is when a sub starts acting out, reckless, unsustainably attention-seeking, in order to attract the attention of a Dom; behaving in a way that will hopefully prompt a Dom to reign them in. Dom!El, (Dommy!)Switch!Peter, Sub!Neal - P/E/N OT3, but at the moment, the focus is non-sexual D/s.

(Worldbuilding Stuff) MY STANDARD D/s AU RULES (If anyone cares about these, I will write a meta for it at some point, because I have SO MANY THOUGHTS about worldbuilding and language. (and also how VERY FUCKING MUCH I absolutely HATE the way that the stupid fucking traffic light system has invaded fucking BDSM fics EVERYWHERE.))

D/s is a hormone/biology thing, designation pretty much follows standard bellcurve.(20% Dom 20% sub, 60% switch.) YES = MENAYOM. NO = KISTIKA Dom (is gender neutral in this AU) = Nithdem (English term, corruption of Knight/Dame) Sub = Shuf (I did search for these, to try to make sure I'm not accidentally using terms that are actual words in languages I don't speak, and none of my searches for these turned up anything, but if I'm wrong PLEASE LET ME KNOW.) (But El and Neal switch to the French terms as pet names) NEAL: - Sub - (Came up early - around 8? which is not like. UNHEARD of, but is generally considered early enough that he should have gotten medical attention. Instead, he hid it.) Neal has SO MANY fucking self-soothing mechanisms that he has come up with over the years, and definitely some of them are more sustainable than others, but the one that works best for him is FORGING ART. He can take himself down while he’s forging, because the point is to do the exact thing that was done before. His job is to match, stroke-for-stroke, the painting that he’s copying. - In this AU, he only ever signed the shit that he made during Frenzy. The shit he makes for himself when in his headspace - it feels like betraying the Dom to sign (?) ELLEN: was the one who said things about how it was easier for subs to hide as Doms, because no one would be watching for it. She would have been his Dom, also, when he was growing up. The only long-term Dom that Neal has ever had(?)) MOZZIE: knows Neal is a sub, but Mozie's a switch, helped Neal through a drop once (?) Or found an emergency Dom? for when Neal Dropped (after Keller shot that dude who thought he’d lost his passport.)(maybe?) EL: DOM. This is a woman who knows what she wants, and fucking GETS it. She notices small things about Neal - (HE MATCHES BREATHING ALL THE TIME. (maybe that’s a really common trait for subs who come up early? Or subs who had platonic doms.)) Also little things about the way defers to Peter - ETC. And the reason is that Neal is A.- FUCKING IN FRENZY, but also. B.- Neal does the thing, - which REALLY proves he is OFF HIS FUCKING GAME - but where he’s too focused on fooling Peter, so he lets shit slip around Elizabeth. PETER: - Switch - Peter has WEIRD dynamics, because his is ENTIRELY DOM at work, and like. Pretty fucking sub at home? and this is partially why he struggles so much with work/life balance, maybe? But he is SO HAPPY to sub for El, and - even though it isn’t like, a bio-need for El to sub, they have figured out some things they can do together, where it’s enough for when Peter needs to Dom at home. JUNE; - EMANCIPATED SUB. Subs can’t do a lot of stuff, without permission from a Dom - but there IS an emancipation process. It is difficult and expensive, but Byron and June went through it. It’s not impossible, it’s just expensive and time consuming. (similarities to citizenship, maybe? It often takes years, just because there’s like, one office in every state, and it’s open two days per month.) BERRIGAN: - Dommy switch? JONES: - Switch CRUZ - Switch? ALEX HUNTER - Switch KATE - Switch SARA - ??? Sub?? (also emancipated)(I have not gotten to S2 yet, so thoughts on Sara at this point are tragically minimal.)

Next - Part 1

#White Collar #Neal Caffrey #Peter Burke #Elizabeth Burke #P/E/N #OT3 #Taupe Writes Things #Sub Frenzy AU #This is not a real fic though #This is a tragic outline that MUST BE POSTED so I can fucking think about OTHER THINGS.#Fuck #It has been so long since I posted writing I don't fucking remember my tags for it.#Writing my writing #Fic my fic #D/s AU

2 notes · View notes

justbringtherain · 1 year ago

Text

Ted Lasso finale, my very late and random and long thoughts

I saw the episode and then it took me like 5 years to write this post but I'd like to post it anyway. Some stuff problably won't be accurate bc I've not re-watched it.

Also I'm ignoring the reddit thingy for Brendan Hunt. It's my brain and I'll cover my ears and tra-la-la around if I want to.

Also, a lot of thought abt Roy and Jaime and Keely as an ot3, as Roy/Keeley, as Roy&Jaime and as the characters in general.

I don't know how to put stuff under read more, I'm so so sorry.

So I've decided that the part from when Beard leaves to when Ted opens his eyes on the plane is a dream of a possible, probable future for everybody.

I'm ok with most of the stuff shown but even some of those are too rushed and/or too optimistic and/or too over-simplyfied. Like many ppl have already said the season suffered from too many plots who obvs did not get developed properly due to not having the time.

The one thing I fully refuse is the Jane/Beard wedding. I won't speak of the Jaime-and-James stuff bc for many different and personal reasons I just can't. The other thing I'm not really ok with is Rebecca/Dutch Guy bc I thought we established that Rebecca had finally found her family and it wasn't what she expected but it was right for her and then the dude appears and it kind of cheapens that. I loved the Dutch Guy in the Amsterdam ep. but I think that plot should have ended there.

Everything else I can see happening the same or very similar. It's just a matter of when it happens related to Ted's departure.

Re: Jaime/Keeley/Roy stuff.

I was a ride or die Keeley/Roy shipper untill I saw 3x11. Then I was hooked by the ot3 and now I will die on this hill. But talking abt Roy/Keeley: already in 3x10 after K/R hooked up it seemed very clear that Keeley had doubts abt getting back together with Roy and the next ep proved they didn't which I was fine with. They needed at least to have a much bigger convo abt what lead Roy to break up with her and the fact that he asked who the sex tape was for needed to be addressed imo bc he had absolutely no right to do it. Also Keeley can definetly use some time on her own and focus on KJPR/KBPR (we can keep the name change).

Jaime&Roy. ooooh boy do I want to write a way longer post abt these 2 starting from s2 and maybe one day I will. But to keep it short their fight was bullshit. It especially sucked the way Roy asked Jaime out like for a night between buddies and started the convo talking abt how proud he was of Jaime and then he just told him to back off from Keeley so that he could get back together with her. Yeah Roy no need to talk to Keeley -who said she wanted them to be just friends- abt that. Honestly I'm glad Jaime pushed back bc one thing is to learn to be a team player, another is to be a push over. Jaime hadn't addressed still having feelings for Keeley since 2x07 and for all we know he could have just been waiting for the right time to ask her to give it another try. Back to Roy: the way he acted kinda cheapened the moment between him and Jaime and like I said it sucks. Jaime seemed so touched and then Roy fucked it. Woah I'm being harsh on Roy.... They were both idiots (thank God they aknowledged right away) both to fight physically and then to think they had this genius idea to let Keeley choose. Like... bitches??? It was always going to be her choice!!!! At least they understand right away (kinda) that what they did was bullshit and finish the night off going for a bite togther. I understand that this was their "closure" as it was the finale, I'll leave the conversation they should have had to the fanfics.

Roy. I've been such a bitch to him but in the end he does the right thing and asks for help. And his admission to the Diamond Dogs was fucking heartbreaking bc he was so disappointed in himself. He really thought he had changed for the best and then he makes the same mistakes all over again. Which is of course perfectly normal but also not the easiest thing to understand. Both getting better and bettering ourselves are not linear and we're going to fuck up. Which is actually what also happened between Roy and Jaime bc they fell back to getting aggressive and violent with each other even though they were at a point where they could have talked it out. They regressed but it happens. And now this paragraph sort of negates what I've written above but not really. Their fight was bullshit bc they could have been able to avoid it but it can also make sense that they didn't bc they are humans. Emotions were running high and Keely is a bit of a sore topic for them. Back to Roy, but really to Brett. Kudos to the man bc Roy might be aggressive but he never made me unconfortable until the sex tape episode. When he asks Keely who was it for and then repeats the question when she goes "What?" his whole demeanor was fucking scary to me. Cold, calm but u can see it's a farcade. And it's the same demeanor we see when he tells Jaime to leave Keeley alone. And I'm probably wrong but it felt like a conscious choice, as if to say "ur feeling uncomfortable bc u're supposed to be". Who knows.

Final Roy/Keely/Jaime scene. Like I've said, I'm taking most of that scene as a "this might happen". Regarding these 3, I'm fine with it. We don't know who's with who and that I'm cool with that. But we know they're in a good place with each others and that's all that matters.

Other stuff:

Colin/Michael: no need to say anything except fuck yeah it happened! Colin just wanted to kiss his fella and he did!!! I wonder if it means he's out or if no photographer caught it so it's just something Colin finally managed/felt ready to do. And both scenarios are fine! They kissed! I screamed! I had already teared up for everything else and it got worst!

Wait if Sam actually (hopefully!) goes to play for Nigeria it's only for national games right??? The rest of the year he's still with Richmond right??? I don't want any of them to leave!!! Richmond 'till they die!!!

Last thoughts: I know I might have been kinda negative here, but I honestly liked how it ended. I smiled, I laughed, I screamed, I teared up and downright cried. Mostly, I feel like the season needed a couple more episode to expand on some stuff, but you cannot have perfection. I'm satisfied. I understand how Ted's choice can feel so disappointing and I do wish he could have stayed and maybe have Henry move to England but I also understand why the writers decided to have him move back to the US. I don't think it cancel all of his development. He needed Richmond to become a better dad and he went back feeling ready to be it.

#ted lasso #ted lasso 3x12 #ted lasso s3 #roy kent #keeley jones #jaime tartt #sam obisanya #colin hughes #coach beard #rebecca welton

17 notes · View notes

mosses-gate-3 · 10 months ago

Note

1, 2 & 7 for general, 7 for story specific, and 4, 5 & 11 for romance

Hiii, thank you so much!! Answering these for Ren because I already did some for the other two :D

(Future Moss speaking, this is a LONG one, buckle up)

1- Where can your Tav be recruited? Are they first encountered on the Nautiloid, or in the Nautiloid crash region? Or are they not recruitable until a later act?

They can first be recruited in the Nautiloid crash area and are found muttering seemingly to themselves near the second pass through the crashed ship.

2- Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

Nothing in particular, just the usual suspicion. One or two of them might mention Ren talking to themselves if they're in the party when they're recruited.

7- Do they have their own personal quest that spans the course of the game? Can it take different branching paths depending on the choices the Player Character makes?

Yes!! Ren's personal quest is something I've thought a lot about and I plan on making a wiki for them eventually. It can have different branching paths that will affect the ending- no spoilers though!! The main thing you need to know is that they will have a bit of a crisis after the end of act 2 and through act 3 you can either encourage them to pursue necromancy & resurrect [REDACTED IMPORTANT NPC] (generally what i consider their bad ending), or you can encourage them to move on and find meaning in the living world (good ending).

7- What can they be found doing at the tiefling/goblin party? + 4- Do they have a special romance scene at the tiefling/goblin party?

Combining these so I can write this out properly -

Siding with the goblins will lock you out of their romance completely. They will refuse to attack the tieflings if you have them in the active party, and if you leave them at camp while raiding the grove you will have to do a series of intimidation or persuasion checks to convince them to stay. Either way their approval will drop drastically.

Tiefling party interaction:

Ren can be found tinkering with something at their desk (which is where they spend most of their time, their tent is kind of bare-bones in contrast with the clutter on and around their workspace).

Ren: Oh, hello there.

[1] Enjoying the party?

Ren: ...Not quite my scene, but it's nice that the others are having fun.

[1A] Not my scene either. Ren: Ah, really? A kindred spirit then. I'd take a night in over a party any day. Ren: Either way, I'm glad we could help these people. [to next] [1B] Really? I love parties. Ren: Oh well, to each their own. Ren: Either way, I'm glad we could help these people. [to next]

> [1A2] I couldn't just stand by while they were kicked out. > Ren: That's good to hear. The world could use more people like you. [+2 approval] > [1B2] I'm starting to regret it, myself. > Ren: ...Well, what's done is done. [-2 approval] > [1C2] It seemed like the best way to get information about the tadpoles. > Ren: Agreed. [back to questions list]

[2] What are you making?

Ren: Just a trinket, nothing important. I've missed having the chance to create things for fun rather than out of need.

[2A] I'm sure it'll turn out beautiful. Ren: Maybe I'll show you when it's done. [+1 approval] [This will start the romance] [2B] You shouldn't be wasting the supplies. Ren: ...You're probably right. Oh well. [-1 approval] [This will cancel the romance] > [to next]

[If you told them you liked parties] Ren: Anyway, I won't keep you here. Go on, be social, enjoy yourself.

[If you told them you hated parties] Ren: Anyway, I won't keep you here. Go enjoy yourself, or at least find somewhere quiet to hide.

[1] I wanted to spend the night with you.

[If you answered 2A earlier and have high approval overall]: *Roll Persuasion (dc: 7). If you fail this there will still be a scene later (in the Underdark) where you can romance them. You get +3 approval regardless.* Success - Ren: ...I'd like that. I'll meet you when the party's died down, then? Fail - Ren: Thank you, but I think I'll turn in early. Perhaps another night? [If you don't meet the criteria/have already asked someone else] Ren: Ah, no thank you.

(the other two options they just tell you goodnight)

**Side note: When playing a Ren origin run you can talk to Juniper at camp. She has special dialogue at the party if you approach her after pursuing a romance route, though this changes depending on how successful you are. Mostly she laughs and makes fun of your taste.

5- Does the romance have different branching paths, or just one route to take?

Ehh, kind of. There is of course the bad ending vs good ending route, but the romance doesn't hinge on that.

11- What are Tav’s plans for the future? Do they propose to the PC, or is marriage not something they’re interested in?

Ren's dream is to settle down somewhere and open a shop, though what they actually end up doing depends on their ending. In the necromancy route they will base their life around the resurrection quest and continue to travel around, they will ask you to join them of course. In the acceptance route they propose officially and you can decide whether to settle down or not. Generally it's implied that you go to visit their parents & hometown in the Waterdeep area.

**Side note on the Waterdeep thing: If you don't romance them and they follow the acceptance route there's dialogue where they contemplate visiting Gale. When approaching an unromanced professor ending Gale as a Ren origin with the artificer shop ending he greets them and says he's heard their business is gaining popularity, then promises to stop by at some point. (this also happens in the form of party banter/idle dialogue if you're not playing as either of them and they meet the right ending criteria)

#bg3 #bg3 tav #my ocs #my tav #moss says things #reneeginald #gale

2 notes · View notes

luckythereviewer · 5 months ago

Text

So my brain has been rotting with Hakuno/Shirano's incarnations in the School Life manga being confirm psychics and trying to figure out a way how to work it into the Rulers of the Moon AU and I think I have one of 2 solutions but the second one is dubious given the phrasing regarding Extella's info about NPC being able to act as Masters but needing to meet certain requirements. First option is Hakuno was born unique even amongst psychics in that she also had magic circuits ontop of her psychic power of Precognition. From what I looked into, it isn't stated a psychic can't have magic circuits, it very well could be and it's just stated on the wiki, but everything I found seems to suggest it's possible but likely an extremely rare thing given psychics and mages are already rare as it is, the idea someone can have both powers is likely a one in a trillion thing. The other option would be that Hakuno was given magical talent due to being an NPC of the Moon Cell but, from what Extella notes regarding NPCs becoming Masters of Solo Servants "An NPC or Al can become a Master so long as they have an independent thought routine, a properly designed soul, and enough magical ability", it seems to imply the NPC in question needs to have been created based on someone who was capable of using magecraft rather than just something that is inherit to being an extension of the Moon Cell.

Doesn't help our only examples are Twice, Hakuno and technically Kirei if we count his bonus battle in CCC. We know Twice is considered the first spiritron hacker and Kirei had magic circuits so this logically would mean Hakuno would have also had magic circuits which leads to option one being the more likely choice. Still workshoping this idea but I do want to try and include the psychic stuff somehow within the story. Also figure I might as well update on the next chapter of the Rulers of the Moon AU Chapter. I have the general idea for the chapter done just need to find enough time to write it out. Also been trying to figure out how I'm going to handle week 2 since Rin takes a backseat to Rani and I can't say I remember Rin having any moments during Week 2 but I'd have to double check to be sure. Regardless, I am thinking of using Week 2 as a way to give Shirano some time to shine and interact with Rani to help set up stuff later in the AU.

#hakuno kishinami #rulers of the moon au #it bugs me how this concept of hakuno being a pyschics gets dropped in a 4-koma manga #and then never gets further address #even though it is the best way to explain hakuno's ability to know what attacks an opponent is going to do in extra and ccc #it's a good way to explain that gameplay mechanic within the context of the story

1 note · View note

dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

Text

2/18/23

Things took a very big turn today. And I haven't been doing this poorly in a very long time.

I wasn't going to even write tonight. I didn't even eat dinner. I ate a can of chef boyardee and a microwave soup and a rice cake, and I hated all of it and now I have bad heartburn. And all I'm thinking is "I wish I had just gone out and gotten piss drunk, and I don't because drinking makes me feel sick and gives me heartburn... but now I have heartburn so..."

I. Want. To. Smoke. Cigarettes. So. Badly. Right. Now.

I have no idea how I haven't just driven out to literally any convenience store and bought a pack of Marb 27's and sat out on the picnic bench outside my building and just shamefully sucked down that nasty ritual until I felt dizzy and nauseous and kinda like I have to shit. Yeah, really selling it, huh.

Or maybe I can just smoke some weed, yeah? I have a bunch of weed, and a tincture too! Why not just take a few hits and... start questioning my own reality... start hearing my neighbors making sounds through the walls and convincing myself they're conspiring against me... start feeling these intermittent chest pains and heart flutters I've been feeling all night and be absolutely deathly convinced that I have minutes to live...

Wow. Wonder why I don't have any vices... Let's rephrase that, shall we. Because when it's a prescribed pharmaceutical, it's called a "medication" for an emotional regulation issue. When it's Xanax given to you by a psychiatrist in a community counseling service, it's a coping tool to make emotional processing more bearable and healthier. When it's outside of that environment? It's a vice. It's an addiction, to the point where it will actually make it more difficult for you to get prescription medications for the same purpose. Figure that shit out.

This species is just a bunch of dumb fucking apes with fancy gadgets, pretending like we've gotten everything all figured out, acting like we've got it all figured out, even believing we've got the perfect systems and we're so advanced and we look at those just a hair's breadth below us and we snub our noses at how fucking savage and barbaric they are. We have no fucking clue what we're doing. And all of these systems that we've invented are being made up as we go along. And, from my experience, most of the people I'm coming across just don't really understand... no... don't take the time... to understand how to deal with a situation properly. So they tick boxes, and generalize, and lump people into groups like cattle, and off they go, into their generalized plan.

I'm upset. Can you tell?

Why?

Well... today may be the last day of my past life. It certainly feels like it. The person you've been reading here? For a lack of better words... is going to cease to exist. As with every rebirth, I will evolve. I will morph and mutate into another permutation. Maybe that means a name change? Yay. That makes like... 7 now. And every time I am forced to change my life (read: the way I live my life, my habits, my routines, my goals, my focal points, my motivators, all of that), my personality... fragments a bit. I get very disoriented. I have to re-learn how to... live.

I don't mind adjusting my life. I mean, I already am, due to losing my cat. That was a major change. And now... I have to change again. It's been 2 weeks. It's been exactly 2 weeks. I think, I think she was put down on the 3rd. 2/3/23? I was pretty sure. I really don't want to go back and check. So... I guess that's enough grief, time to take a sledgehammer to the rest of my life, yeah? I was saying - keep getting lost in swirling thoughts but one keeps rising to the surface that needs to speak - I don't mind adjusting my life, but this is not my choice. I am not choosing this. I am actually actively resisting and protesting this. And... unfortunately... whenever I do, I get looked at and treated like I am privileged, like I am spoiled, like I am not worthy of the life I desire, like "why do you get the life you want, and this person over here doesn't." That thing.

Well, let me tell you why I get to be an eccentric artist/musician/writer and you are a social worker/investment manager. Because I didn't give up. Because I was willing to pay any price for the life that I deserve. Because I did not turn away. I. Kept. Walking. For years. After finally getting myself off of medications, out of a toxic self-defeating mindset, and out of an incredibly unhealthy relationship... alone... with no support... I reconnected with who I truly am. Who I have been since I was a child. My TRUE SELF. A curious, creative soul who loves to walk around outside barefoot, and look for cool rocks and nature stuff, and play in fantasy worlds, and play with animals, and study history and mythology, and draw cool designs and things I find interesting or captivating. I found that inner self alive and well, incubating inside this rotting husk of a carcass I've been hauling around. And I set him free again, and started to heal. And I gave him new tools. I gave him direction. I gave him inspiration. I united with him. And he is me. Hi.

In the years since I reunited with my True Self, and accepted myself for what I am... I lost every person in my life. All people who I had met at various stages of creative development. My former best friend who I met when I was in college majoring in Art, doing nothing but art all day every day. Her husband, who would talk mythology, spirituality and creativity with me late into the evening. My old Minecraft "friend" who I would constantly talk about --- you know what, I don't even want to talk about these assholes anymore. My point is that these people were all hobbyists. They all were one foot in and one foot out. They were weekend warriors. And when I finally got the framework together to like... put together something legitimate and really try to make a solid push to make this life a real thing, something self-sustaining, something with financial backing and public exposure... they not only retreated, but they actively tried to sway me out of it. They tried to convince me to quit.

They looked at me like a fucking kid, like a hobbyist kid who just didn't really know that the world doesn't work like that. The world doesn't have room for creatives, for artists, for storytellers. That's why I see them everyday, right? Well... those people got lucky. And I'm unlucky. So why fucking bother trying. Go get a job. Any job. Who cares. Make some money. For someone else. For someone else's business. You know, the person who had an idea like "hey, I should make a board game shop", and actually had people in their life who believed in them, supported them. That person. Go make them some money. Go mind their cash register, and sell products to people. You might make some friends. Look at the silver lining, might as well, you literally have no choice. And with the majority of your time that you give to this establishment, you will be not drawing. Not making music. Not working on your list of 14 unfinished projects that you could really use a hand making a reality.

Hey, you know what occurred to me? The people who give me this like... fatalistic advice on how you really have no choice but to go and join the in-person labor force by working for someone who already has an established foothold in the region... these people conveniently are rarely even aware of what projects I have open ended and ready at a moments notice to be worked on. Here, let me share, I have a whiteboard to my right that I look at every day that is completely full of unfinished projects.

-Shape and Polish Stones (might not go for a ton, but they're unique, they're hand-crafted, and if I get into rune/glyph/sigil carving and blessing rituals and stuff, I could probably sell them for a bit, at least as a package deal) -Wirewrap stones (I do not have enough devoted hours to this to feel comfortable selling these pieces) -Carve wooden beads (again, lacking tools and experience, but went with painting instead, and I am currently troubleshooting a process) -Weave Cordage (aka just make bracelets or necklaces from only hemp, or maybe added beads. Won't go for much, but I could get one done in a day.) -Wood carving (staves, reliefs, that kinda thing. I prefer carving walking sticks, it's just sorta been the thing I have had the most experience with. Again, working with cheap tools but that's whatever. I have thought for a long time that this could really be something that people would put some serious value on. They are, however, a big time sink and very rough on the forearms) -Tarot study (there are 2 shops less than 15 minutes away from me that offer tarot readings. I was going to do them on Twitch, I just would prefer to be more acquainted with the cards before I start charging, but that's my inner perfectionist talking. I also have no ability to practice with others, which makes this insanely anxiety inducing, its one of the only interpersonal projects on the list.) -SketchDaily (a drawing subreddit, this is for keeping my drawing skills sharp) -Poetry/Lyrics (always neglected, but music was going to be my conduit back into it. But, just spinning too many plates, not enough hours in the day. I do have my poetry BOOK that I put together that I could try to get published, but no one has really seemed to give half a shit about it... ever... so... not a lot of incentive there) -Poetry Illustration (obviously a pairing, and a way to either turn my book into a more immersive experience, or to serialize my poetry by turning each poem into its own book and illustrating each metaphoric image, my poetry has a lot of visual metaphors and scenes, it's very dream-like, so I was thinking of doing mini-books that are illustrations scene-by-scene of each line in the poems. A LOT OF WORK, but the end result would be stunning) -Clothing Art (this was a big one before coming up to the new city, I was really banking on this. But the fact that no one has even mentioned or really seemed to notice my custom designed hoodie that I wear literally everywhere... has been nothing short of disappointing. Maybe it will draw more focus if I add color, I've had the theory for a while, or at least some lighter shades, like a lighter grey or something. It's at the front of my mind. I would be doing these pieces on commission, and since they are handdrawn in permanent ink... probably charging tattoo prices for them, the gimmick is "clothing tattoos") -Simian Storytime Storyboards (I was going to do a graphic novel/comic strip kinda series where I illustrated very powerful moments of my life, but all the people in it were... like a missing-link ancestor of modern humans. Where they resembled the people who I am drawing, and myself of course, but I am portraying them as primitive. There are a lot of layers to this, mostly playing on the fact that during these interactions and memories, the less evolved parts of the brain are what we tend to be using. This is a call-back to a very short sketch series I started doing back in college, I remember these pictures very vividly, of apes in business suits with briefcases, and stuff like that. Reminders that we are animals, and it's kinda silly that we keep trying to act like we're not. This is much more fine art than anything else)

This was after I purged dozens of ideas from the summer. Any single one of these ideas I could delegate to a team. Any one of these ideas I could get assistance with, would be reaching a different type of audience, and could be maintained autonomously. And people giving me the advice that I should just give up and find some other thing to do? Come back to this in 5-10 years? When I'm 41-46? I mean... hopefully I'll have a young kid by then... and I really don't know if I'm going to be able to manage a full-time job, a kid and all of these projects, I just don't see it happening. I can't even do these projects and reliably get my fucking laundry done, dude. The people giving me advice to give up don't know a damn thing about how much I have available. This isn't even touching music - hip-hop, improv, metal, drums, guitar, bass, vocals, arrangement, transcription, orchestration, scoring. This isn't even touching acting. This isn't even touching tutoring. I have spent this much of my life developing these skills, honing them, and I'm far from perfect. I have plenty of flaws, I have so much more work to be done. I am constantly improving, constantly finding flaws to refine. Constantly finding ways I can reduce finger movements in my sloppy self-taught guitar playing. I am far from perfect as an artist, as a musician. I have plenty of flaws and weaknesses. But I am authentic, and I live my art. It comes from the heart. It's my way of speaking to the world.

Like this. This is my way of speaking to the world. Hi, world. This is my art. And I'd like to think that this isn't just a fucking hobby. This is something I put my heart and soul and time and labor into. And... that's just... not worth compensating? Not worth supporting? Instead, I need to change my entire way of living, log in X amount of hours per week at literally any location that isn't my own work, cash my paycheck and use that check to pay my rent. And in my free time, I can work on my real work. Whatever free time I get. And the 15 years I spent dedicating myself to my craft? So I can go apply for jobs with a resume that has been blank for a decade. So I can tell them I have been in therapy for 6+ years because of crippling PTSD, and probably other shit. And they're totally gonna hire me. Trust me, they'll hire me just like the last 5 places I applied to and never heard back from. And if I do get hired, totally gonna move my life forward. Because there I will make money. And money gets my parents' influence and harmful pressures away from me. And then I'll meet people. And those people... well, they're magical, you see! They, somehow which has not been articulated whatsoever, are going to make my art/music/writing/entertainment/tutoring/whatever career blow up! They will! How? Fuck if anyone knows! But it is always said with absolute certainty.

So... the plan is... ditch the rental car. Take the bus 2.5 hours back home with my skateboard and hawk feathers and whatever else I can carry from my old car. Sell the old car for scrap, basically. Be a public transit guy now, I guess. Which, I mean.. if you were raised in a city, you probably hate the way I'm talking, but... I grew up in a different environment. And I've seen how you city folk react when you're stuck in the middle of nowhere and you have to drive 20 minutes just to get to the nearest gas station, and you hear coyotes 20 feet away and lose your shit. So... nature doesn't scare me that way quite so much anymore. But public transit sure as fuck does. I trust those coyotes way the fuck more than I trust some of the people I see lurking around bus stops. I'm sure I'll get used to it in time, again, changing the way I live... But, I'm not excited.

Then I'm going to get literally any job. Any one, doesn't matter. Ideally a gaming shop, a new age shop or an antique shop. Again, these are not bad jobs, I am not upset about that. I am pissed that I am being socially pressured to change my life goals rather than being supported in my own goals. These are not impossible goals, by any means. They are merely difficult and... unique. Different. I have no idea how people can come up to me and say "I'd be glad to support you in achieving your goals, sure! First order of business, let's change those goals, shall we?" Fuck you.

Then, at this new job where I will spend most of my time, assuming someone takes the gamble of hiring me with zero references and no work history for a decade... when I'm a complete stranger... What I'm told will happen is that these people, my new friends, will be different from all the others. They will support the projects that I quit working on for this job. They will provide me clients and social outlets to promote my work, so that I can get commissions that I will, with near-absolute certainty, will not have the time to work on.

And hey, it might actually work. I'm not shitting on this completely, the bones of the plan are sound, yes. But like... if I'm just going there to get a paycheck? I'm taking a job from someone who actually wants that job, who is actually passionate about it. If I'm there to just make social connections? Why the fuck am I not just going and hanging out there? Like... going and shopping frequently at that location. Like... a rock shop, let's say. Say I go there regularly to get stone beads or tumbled stones for necklace centerpieces or something. And I ask a bunch of questions, and I become a regular and I get to know people, and they see my jewelry and my custom clothing. In time, after I become a regular, we get to know each other. And then I get the same connections, the same assistance, but they don't have to worry about giving me a bunch of contracts for my other job, which takes my time away from their shop, and then inevitably lose me as an employee when I get enough traction to sustain myself. Or... is the assumption that I will never actually succeed? Hmm...

Okay... it's probably about time I explain myself. 4:40 AM, what better time to explain how I got here. My mom called me as I was standing in my bathroom in my underwear, just hopping out of the shower. I finished up as I was on the phone. I caught her up on the frustrations with the bead last night. I didn't disclose that it was for her. Didn't want her to feel guilty or something. It was a good learning experience, and I am genuinely grateful for it. The conversation quickly went to my car. And... I had my therapy appointment in an hour.

The conversation took a dramatic turn immediately. There was nearly zero progress made. I was desperately, the entire time, trying to get my mom to just... think about more than just her fucking money. Think about how this is affecting my life, how I'm going to be living my life, how all of this is going to be experienced through my eyes. Think about how silly it is for me to go shopping for a car when I have no money, no budget, and any option I bring back to my mother for approval will inevitably get shot down. I have already put out two ideas, the only two that have been on the table - to buy or lease the rental outright, or to get a Jeep, because an older Jeep could be cool, but honestly I'd prefer a more environmentally friendly car if I'm going to actually buy a fucking car. She just... couldn't understand, and was treating me like... I have no idea. I honestly have no idea. Like I wasn't grateful? Like I was spoiled? Or something? I've just been getting heavy vibes of that tonight. Ever since the sun went down. I'm spoiled for pursuing an art career, I'm spoiled for having controlling parents use money to like... punish me or something... I honestly don't even know what it is, it sure as fuck isn't support, it's barely even tolerance. They seem genuinely upset that I'm still pursuing this career and that I'm not fucking rich. They, for some fucking reason, thought that a man in his mid-30's who has been pursuing a full-time fine art career while singlehandedly managing his mental health, with no friends, no supporters and minimal family involvement, would somehow have a self-supporting stream of income just like... magically. Like on one of my hikes in the woods, I would run into a mystical gnome who would ask me three questions about obscure occult spiritual lore, and my genius ass has been studying, right? And I ace that little dude's test, and he deems me worthy of the Forest's Blessing and donates a gigantic tax-free deposit into my bank account or something.

Honestly, that little fantasy scene right there sounds way more likely to happen than me getting like... a net-total $2k a month on Patreon from other humans who just genuinely enjoy watching and supporting the work that I do.

Maybe now is my Dharma Bums moment. Maybe it's my time to take that job in a firewatch cabin in a national park and work on my shit there, just making enough money to keep doing what I do that way. For fuck's sake, why is no one brainstorming ideas like this with me? Why the fuck do I not get a fun life? Because others didn't get a fun life too?

YOU KNOW WHAT. If any of the people who have given me this advice came up to me and said "hey ____, I gave up on making art when I was younger. I was afraid I wasn't good enough. I was afraid if I made it a successful full-time career that it would kill the thrill of it. That it would ruin it. And when I gave up on it, it never really came with me. I'd like to reconnect with it, but I have a very difficult relationship with it now. Could you help me reconnect with it?" I would devote my entire self to helping them. Every tool I have, every tool I can Google, would be at their disposal.

But me? I get told "hey, you need to get some form of income so you can get away from your family, because this is literally killing you." And I know they're right. I know, at surface level, they're right. And I don't contest that, that's not the part of it I contest. I try so hard to voice it correctly, but I struggle to communicate it. "Yes, I need to be free of this, but I need to find the right thing, something that fits into my comfort level, something I'm passionate about, something right for me." With all the projects I listed earlier, how the fuck is there no overlap? You know what I see happening? The only "Hiring" sign I've seen so far? Michael's. That's what I'm seeing. I'm seeing myself taking the bus to a run down old mall by a major highway, putting on a uniform and stocking shelves and telling septuagenarians where the yarn is. "No, it's all the way in the back, Gladys. No. No in the BACK."

I'm sure I could make it fun. I could. But I feel like I'm giving up control of my life. I feel like I'm giving up, and resigning my agency. Like I'm just shifting that control out of the hands of my family, and into the hands of some corporate entity, or educational institution, or private owner, who I have zero reassurance doesn't also have selfish intentions.

I'm sure I could make it fun, but do I really have to? Is this just... the hand I'm dealt? Am I supposed to just say... yep, I was given red paint and blue paint and green paint, and... I guess I just paint red and blue and green stripes. No mixing? No gradients, even? Like... what's the point of being creative when you just do what everyone around you is telling you to do? What use is a creative brain when you are put in a box and expected to follow instructions with precision and accuracy, deviating from expectations as little as possible. Don't you fucking people think that might be a little.......... stifling? For a creative person? Maybe a little... unnatural? Hmm? Maybe you are all logical, analytic types... who follow linear paths of deduction... and I come in from my barefoot off-trail hike in the woods and go "hey, I invented a new written language today" and you think I'm going to fit in well in... a boilerplate "job". Just... "job".

Alright. See, I unearthed my old rubber wizard mask the other day. That popped right into my head right now. I wore it on stage when I played with my old improv band. We weren't very good, but we loved what we did and we had fun with it. And I'm thinking... "alright, time to get the old masks out." "Time to practice pretending to be a person again." This time, it's not just half an hour to an hour while shopping or going to an appointment. Now, it's being contractually obliged to a specific location and role for x hours per day, at risk of being fired. Forgive my alien descriptors, I haven't done this form of labor in a decade, it's been exclusively freeform and self-reliant; self-accountable. I hope my mask still fits. And I hope it's a healthy time for me to be acting for hours at a time with no real coping mechanisms short of breathing exercises.

So yeah, conversation with my mom went absolutely shitty and really painful, hurtful. Degrading. Brought out a lot of bad shit. And made me late for my therapy appointment, and I'm never late for therapy. Ever. And then in the appointment, we talked about getting me some form of substantial income to get me free of this. He visually saw how absolutely ravaged I was by that experience and insisted I need to do something about this now. I think he said "I feel like I can't just sit here and watch them do this to you." Or something close to that. He seemed concerned enough to venture into the work realm, knowing how sensitive it is for me. Clearly, look at this tirade, good lord... XD

He reassured me that the busses are not bad, and he has friends who use them. I'm just not really used to the idea of them, honestly, it's foreign to me. We briefly talked about disability, because that was on the table with my last therapist, but I mentioned that that kinda fucked with my head a bit, my self-esteem and guilt, and I was worried about it causing more damage than good. Even though I'm pretty clearly stuck. And we got into this realm of painting options that was like... A) go on disability and... keep making art, but risk complicating my mental health issues. B) keep parental "support" and continue to be manipulated and pressured, having to run every decision I make past my parents and having brutal hours-long fights multiple times a week. C) Find some place to work out in the real world, out there, the place I struggle to get myself to go for fun.

So you tell me. If you were awake at 5:30 AM, still grieving, processing being essentially trapped in an area where you know no one, feeling insanely unsafe due to multiple PTSD triggers being fully primed, activated and firing on all cylinders, with tons of empirical evidence that these threats are very real fueling that brutal machine... would you think going to a fucking job interview with an empty resume and no references is going to go well? Would you be looking forward to that? Would you maybe, just maybe... want to... improve those odds a bit? Instead of just going "Hi, I'm really nice and smart and hard working. Please take my word for it. I know all my clothes are over 10 years old and I look like I haven't slept in a month (because I basically haven't) and my left eye keeps twitching from stress and I have some weird fucking bacterial infection that looks like acne all over my scalp... aka I know I look homeless and I have no work history or references, but like... trust me!" No fucking pressure. No reason to be anxious. No reason to feel like literally my entire life is riding on it, and the other side is like... more brutal fights... more pressuring me into living a different life... more making me feel like shit for being myself, having the interests and passions and skills and opinions that I do. Good lord, okay. Which is worse?!

So... I spent the rest of the night curled up in a ball under a blanket until I wrote this. I called my mom back 3 times and was ghosted. I texted, she left it read. Texted more later, just to get more out. But I have a feeling this is just... it's gone. It's too far gone. And I can't just sit here and watch the months and years peel away waiting for someone else to get over their shit. I had an intense realization the other day. My lease started on November 15th. I'm 1/4 of the way through my lease. And my shit is still in boxes. And I'm still driving a rental car.

Waiting does not fix these problems. If there's anything I know with certainty, it's that my priorities, my urgent issues, are not on anyone else's urgent list. So... I really need to stop waiting.

3 days ago, my biggest issue was like... where can I find some affordable furniture that meets my needs? Now, I'm having to reconcile changing the entire direction of my everyday efforts. Changing the framework of my life. Because this fucking car dealership said they could fix my car, and didn't. And they won't recommend someone else. They're just gonna sit here forever, "waiting" for a manufacturer to make parts that they don't make anymore. And they're just going to rent this fucking car to me as long as I'm willing to pay for it. And it's on my card. And because of this conversation, about these slimy motherfuckers squeezing money out of my parents. SOMEHOW. That leads to me needing to abandon my career and go get some job at some random shop so I can escape my parents.

And this is not the first time, not by a long shot. This has happened dozens of times over the past few years.

It makes me wish I had never reconnected. It makes me wish that, instead of reconnecting with my passions of art and music and mythology and spirituality and nature, I had just gotten some random fucking job somewhere and worked triple shifts the whole time. And gotten into crypto or some shit, like my fucking little brother did. Then I'd be fine right now. I'd have a buffer. I'd have no one crawling up my ass. But I'd have no soul.

This is so fucking deeply depressing. And I know I'm exaggerating bits of it, but this is so insanely overwhelming for me, especially since I've been in this extreme isolation for like... since 2018? So like... 4ish years. That's a long time to be away from society. And it's still really weird to be in public, very overwhelming and unnerving. The idea of being required to be in a public space for a specific span of time, with no escape routes, no respite, and no way to like... explain why in a relatable way. "I was in lockdown... for over 3 years. And now I'm working retail. And I haven't been afforded the luxury of an adjustment period." "Life just... didn't really go my way."

Seriously, there's a very strong reflex that kicks in. It doesn't kick in when I think about one-on-one tutoring, or even streaming, or doing dog walking or private dog training, or working at a bird sanctuary or something. Somewhere without a lot of people, so I can adjust. So I can get used to being in proximity to other humans again. It's so odd to me that no one has really considered that this might be like... a big deal for me...

Okay, I think I've sufficiently vented, now that it's 5:45 and I still have to read this back. Sorry if you read this whole thing. Welcome to my shitstorm. Hopefully it has a happy ending. Because I really love the potential of life way too much to give the fuck up.

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

0 notes

astroyongie · 2 years ago

Text

TXT - November Reading Edition

Note : please remember to take these readings lightly and with a grain of salt. next coming are: ITZY, NCT 127, Aespa, NCT Dream, IVE, WayV, Red Velvet, BTS, Gidle and Treasure

Yeonjun

Love: it seems like Yeonjun and his partner went through some harsh time. It feels like they had broke up but at the same time their history isn’t finished yet. Like there’s still some things to talk about and make clear. It was not the most healthiest relationship compared to when they first started to date. Yeonjun might have been a little bit too authoritative with them

Career: He is having a little bit of trouble to focus on his work, a little bit lazy lately but he is still managing it well and he is balanced enough to know when to rest and when to work. He has been having a lot of money too, spending quite a lot. I feel like he writes a lot about his experiences.

Health:

Physical: X

Emotional: He sometimes feels like his mind is a prison he cannot escape of

Dates: 2, 7 and 17 (Days or December)

Soobin

Love: He is still single after his last breakup and it seems like despite his “male energy” and despite seeing people sometimes fo this needs he gets bored easily and he runs away from everyone when things get too attached. He also hasn’t”’t forgotten about his ex yet.

Career: He had been having some trouble when it comes to his career to know what he really wants. However he is surrounded by professionals that help him making the right decisions. He wants to try acting

Health:

Physical: Needs to be careful with hair loss, his skin and his face in general but also his bones and backs. Needs to eat more properly

Emotional: He is in a bad state mentally, depression episodes happen often, he doesn’t sleep or eat well, a lot going on in his mind and he feels extremely lonely

Dates: 21 November, 5 days or December and 6 months

Beomgyu

Love: Still in his realtionship with he same person however it feels like the realtionship became more “open”. He is happy with the situation he has now, free to be with that person and still see other people if he wants to. He knows he is “impossible to love and love”. It feels like he has been ignoring/havign conflicts with his family as well

Career: Things rent going very well for him when it comes to his career. He has a lot of burdens and work that he doesn’t know how to manage, he feels stressed everything he has to do something idols related and there’s a lot of conflict and arguments within himself but also with his staff, company and members.

Health:

Physical: He should check for any heart disease and his digestive system, he needs to eat a little more and eat healthier

Emotional: Stuck in the past but overall okay

Dates: tomorrow, 1st of December, 26 of November, 13 days or December

Taehyun

Love: It seems that since my last reading, Taehyun had someone in his life however they have broke up like two weeks ago. He is currently moving on from that place and it was also due to cheating (don’t know who did it tho)

Career: Things are equally complicated when it comes to projects that have been negative to him and poor money income as well. I feel like he has someone in the company that enjoys putting difficulties in his life however he knows about it

Health:

Physical: Stomach aches are recurrent

Emotional: Not in his best state of mind either, he has a lot of negative self talk and bad ideas? Despite knowing it’s not a good thing he can’t help it

Dates: 8 days or December, 15 days or December, 28 of November

Kai

Love: It seems like Kai had his eyes on someone but things didn’t go his way. He feels slightly betrayed and disappointed because he really thought that this could work out with this person. I also feel like he has no luck in life at the moment due to karmic blockages and energetic blockages

Career: He fought with someone (I don’t know if its a teammate or someone in the company) but this person also doesn’t want him any good (just like Taehyun’s situation) and are here to make his life more complicated. He comforted this person however but he is still very angry about his career situation

Health:

Physical: He should check for diabetes or insulin levels, bladder and kidney troubles

Emotional: X

Dates: 18 and 14 (days or December) , 27 of November

#TXT #TXT astrology #TXT reading #TXT tarot #TXT headcanons #TXT scenarios #TXT imagines #TXT reactions

79 notes · View notes

sunghun · 3 years ago

Text

enhypen when their s/o is productive on their period

requested; yep :)

warnings; period talk, mentions of food.

note; the way i got my period the day i started writing this…..lol. *bursts into tears*

general taglist; @blaqpinksthetic @heelariously

희승 | heeseung;

heeseung would be like . in awe of you

like you’re in excruciating pain and still manage to get shit done?

even if you don’t really need to???

low-key inspired lmao

also feels bad about whining how much it hurt when he got a stomach ache a few weeks ago

bc like here you are

feeling like ur guts are getting wringed out like a towel

and you’re just going about like nothing

doing your laundry, studying for upcoming exams, etc.

does his best to help but promptly realizes that he should just . not

because while you can act like normal when doing all your chores

you’re still on your period

which means that you’re still moody

which results in you getting very *ahem* frustrated when he doesn’t do something exactly right

so he just lets you do ur thing

and is there with lots of blankets and pillows and snacks when you’re ready to for some cuddles :’)

제이 | jay;

jay might not even realize that you got period tbh

bc like . you act so normal??

idk if he was expecting you to act like godzilla all week or what

but yeah he had no clue until you guys were cooking smth together

and you just paused in the middle of cutting the potatoes and started gripping the knife really tight and breathing really heavy

probably got a little concerned like . having i been dating a secret serial killer all this time. is this part where they murder me.

is even more confused when you just go right back to normal after a minute

like . wot the hell was that

eventually you notice him just staring at you and you’re like

“oh, sorry about that. period cramp, you know?”

“wait wait wait you have your period???”

“uhh yeah? i got it like 2 days ago babe.”

is like . low-key impressed

after that he’ll be a bit more considerate than usual

but overall he lets you do your things without bothering you

bc he knows you’ll come to him if you need help or anything

also very very happy when you snuggle up tight to him when you’ve finished your work 🥰🥰

제이크 | jake;

like heeseung, jake would probably be low-key in awe of u

but he would also try to help you with stuff more

like he comes over one day and sees you doing the dishes

and he’s just like “omg babe you need to be resting! let me do that!!”

and will continue to do stuff like that constantly

bc he doesn’t want you overexerting yourself or anything :(

but eventually you have to sit him down

and explain that you like to do stuff and be productive

especially during shark week bc you don’t want to let it get you down

so after that he calms down a bit with wanting to do everything for you

but he still wants to help so you two kind of compromise

with you letting him help you some things

and him knowing that if you need anything you’ll ask

he also gets very very happy when you ask him to snuggle :))

성훈 | sunghoon;

i’m not gonna lie

sunghoon might be a little terrified of u

like he’s tried those period cramp stimulators before

he knows how bad that shit hurts

and yet you’re just ?? getting things done???

when you asked if he wanted to grocery shopping

he thought that was you asking him to get you some stuff

so when he starts getting his jacket and shoes on and you’re like “babe wait for me!”

he’s just like

“wut 🧍‍♂️”

is extra careful around you all week

bc he doesn’t wanna risk pissing you off or anything

only offers his help when it’s obvious you want him to

or if you’re clearly struggling with something

because he knows how particular you can be with having things done properly

is kinda relieved when you ask him to hold and cuddle you at the end of the day

bc now he knows for sure that yes, you are human <3

선우 | sunoo;

might be a bit disappointed lol

bc like . he was gonna use you not feeling well as an excuse for him not to do anything??

but you’re doing fine and getting stuff done???

and he’ll just stand there clutching a blanket and some snacks like

“i thought we were gonna do nothing all week….”

pls he looks so cute you just have to take a quick movie-and-cuddle break

but then after the movie you get right back to work

and sunoo’s just . losing it a little bit

why?? are you doing all this stuff??? when your sweet lovely amazing boyfriend is right there and willing to laze around with you????

might get a little salty bc he thinks you don’t wanna spend time with him

but eventually he’ll understand that you just don’t want to feel like you can’t do anything

would still probably tease you a bit tho

“oh now you want to be with me? i see how it is *hmph*”

will still give you all the hugs and cuddles you could ask for <33

정원 | jungwon;

probably the one who would react the least out of them

like you wanna do the laundry on your period?

cool, could you wash that one hoodie of his too?

would pretty much let you do whatever

but he might get on your nerves a bit from asking you to do stuff for him

bc you’re already doing a bunch of stuff

what’s the difference of doing a little extra?

however once he sees how frustrated it can make you

and that despite you acting like you’re perfectly fine

your cramps are kind of killing you :/

then he would feel kinda bad

and would start offering to help with stuff more

and not ask you to do so much for him

very happy and willing to hold you and snuggle with you when you ask as well :))

니키 | niki;

is very confused

when you told him that you were just gonna stay home today bc you got your period

he expected to show up and see you laying in bed as you lose the will to live

but instead you’re deep cleaning the kitchen??

probably just watches you in silence for a few minutes

while he tries to figure out what he should do

until you notice him just awkwardly standing there

with a bag full of snacks from the convenience store down the street

“oh hey babe! what’re you doing here?”

“i….came to help?”

“sweet!”

somehow ends up helping you clean the house for the rest of the day

with you two taking little breaks here and there to eat the food he brought with him

and then later

when you’re laying on the couch together with you practically on top of him

he can’t stop the giant grin that overtakes his face when you tell him how happy you are he came

and how much he means to you :((

#enhypen imagines #enhypen x gender neutral reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen reactions #enhypen headcanons #enhypen fluff #enhypen fanfiction

723 notes · View notes