#i need to know if they had the 1 made or if theres more matthews littered about

[ratatatastic]

IM SORRY THE MATTHEW TKACHUK CARDBOARD STANDEE THEY HAD IN THE BG WAS ACTUALLY ORIGINALLY PLACED AT THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE AS A PORCH DECORATION IM GONNA SCREAM

[ughgoaway]

i hate matty healy- chapter 1

content warnings; no direct smut but theres build up, swearing, drinking, creepy men and my first attempt at writing anything!! word count- 2500-ish

a/n: here we go again! here's chapter 1, this was my first time writing anything so keep that in mind whilst reading lol. I just hit 200 notes on the original like 2 days before tumblr deleted my account so thanks again tumblr!! I'll stop being bitter soon I promise...

next chapter

You hate Matthew Healy. Specifically, you hate his hands, which are currently desperately groping you wherever he can reach. His hips that you usually stare at on stage and roll your eyes at their gyration are pushed up against you, grinding, trying to get any friction between the two of you. You also hate his hair, the mop of unruly curly you have currently between tight fights gripping and forcing his lips to yours. That's another thing you hate. His lips. Even though they are furiously kissing yours, you try to reassure yourself you hate them. You absolutely categorically hate everything about Matty Healy, apart from the fact that you don't hate him. Not even a little bit. Not at all. But you don't know that yet. 

This “hatred” began at a house party in Wilmslow. Your very sad, very grey, very English hometown. You were in some massive country house staring at a room of teenagers grinding against each other. Whilst they might all be technically adults, they certainly don't look like them whilst giggling and swaying their hips to some awful house music. Large paintings of deer and horses decorate the wall as well as an oil portrait of the family that owns the house hanging over the fireplace that is currently filled with empty bottles of liquor. An interesting interior design choice you thought. The bass of some EDM tune is vibrating through you making you more uncomfortable than you already are surrounded by drunk people from school. You thought the guys you interacted with on a daily basis couldn't get any worse, and then you interacted with them once they had a bottle of vodka in them. 

Right now you were cornered by Josh Brown by the entryway and desperately trying to escape the presence of the, frankly, concerningly sweaty boy. In your head you vowed to never be a good sister again, the only reason you were at this scummy party in the first place is to support your brother Ross. Ross had formed a band a few years ago, from what you've heard they're alright but you had made a promise to yourself to never meet them or see them perform live.

You didn't want to meet anyone who had any desire to form a band as generally, they are the worst kind of people. Always somehow insecure and full of ego at the same time. As for not seeing them live, there were many reasons but mainly because you knew how girls react to a guy in a band and the last way you wanted to spend your Saturdays was seeing fit girls fawn over your brother. It was bad enough hearing “Oh my god you're Ross’ sister? No way! Can you introduce me?!” every day at secondary school and you just knew it would be worse now that he's 19 years old, in a band and is sporting an impressive beard (not that you would ever tell him that.) But Ross has insisted that you come to this show, apparently, they've finally perfected some new songs and you just needed to hear them, so you broke your rule. “Never again,” you thought whilst Josh somehow got closer.

Suddenly you heard “Josh bugger off mate cant you see she's physically moving away from you? Take the hint and move on” It was not a voice you recognised but a nice one nonetheless. Josh turned around suddenly and accidentally gave you a quick flash of your saviour before the stupid oaf blocked your view again. All you saw was a head of crazy curls and a leather jacket. “how cliché” you thought- coming to a house party in a cool leather jacket and saving a damsel in distress. Not that you were a damsel, you were however in distress but, to be fair, so is everyone within 10 feet of Josh due to the impressive odour he gave off. “Oh shove off Healy, you don't know what you're talking about. Does he love?” you vaguely recognise the name Josh angrily spits off but can't place it.

your brain was ticking and you were soon lost in your thoughts you hadn't realised that had Josh turned around and directed the last part of his statement at you. Once you realised he was actually talking to you, you glanced into his eyes and saw he was clearly hoping you were going to try and be polite and lie. You don't lie. As quickly as you can you respond with, “Oh no he definitely does, please don't come near me again. Or near anyone frankly. You are 19 years old, how have you not grown the fuck up enough to know when a girl wants absolutely nothing to do with you?” expecting a violent response you tighten your fists to prepare yourself to punch this asshole in the face. Ross had taught you how to throw a punch properly when you were 13 and had discovered that men suck. But, much to your surprise all he does is scoff and scuttle away standing slightly less tall than when he first came to speak to you. 

Once Josh is finally out of view you turn to face the guy who managed to get him to leave you alone. You are faced with someone you were certainly not expecting. From bottom to top you scanned him taking in his outfit and then his face. He had black doc martens on his feet but had missed a few holes when lacing them up leaving them looking slightly askew. Black skinny jeans adorned his legs followed by a baggy white t-shirt with the Chanel logo on it. You made the assumption that it was in fact not real Chanel. Covering the shirt slightly was the aforementioned black leather jacket. Clearly vintage and too big for him but he pulled it off anyway. Lastly, you looked at his face. Chestnut brown eyes stared back in yours and he had a lazy smirk on his face.

“No need to thank me love” he began to say “No one should have to be in the presence of that dickhead for any longer than absolutely necessary” he had a remarkably average voice by any definition but you picked up on the slight scratchiness of it, you guessed he was a smoker. “Thanks for your help but I really would have been fine, I can deal with people like Josh,” you said back trying to keep any nervousness out of your voice as you don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing he helped you. You were petty like that. “Alright well since you're so fine on your own I guess I won't ask if you want a drink” he said cheekily whilst leaning on the wall behind you getting a little bit closer. This made you snort and take a deeper look at the man. You guess you could say he was attractive. Actually, the longer you looked you decided he definitely was attractive. Very attractive. Maybe you would enjoy this scummy party after all. 

This illusion was soon shattered when you heard a familiar booming voice behind you say “Matty why are you anywhere near my little sister, you're gonna give her an STD from breathing too close.” You then felt an arm sling over your shoulders, after a second of shock you quickly connected the dots and realised it was Ross. Well maybe it was longer than a second of shock, you had drunk a fair amount of jack daniels at this point. Ross chuckled at your clearly tipsy state causing your whole body to shake due to the sheer size of your brother, at well over six feet he towered over you- even in the platform boots you were wearing. “Ah well Ross I was just doing my civilian duty by saving her from Josh Brown, he has somehow gotten sweatier since leaving school you'll be happy to know” the man you now know as Matty rebutted.

Suddenly a third voice deeper than the other two joined in, “Does your civilian duty require you to be standing that close and leaning in so far you could see down her top?” This comment made you spin and glare at the voice, it came from a man somehow even taller than your brother with a pile of dirty blonde hair on the top of his head that had been scraped into a bun. “Can we all stop perving on my baby sister, please? This is not the introduction I wanted” Ross then turned to look into your eyes “Y/n these are two of the boys from the band, the blonde giant is George but we all call him G- he plays the drums. The short-" Matty's voice cut in “Hey!-” he was cut off quickly by Ross who only reaffirmed what he said “Ahem” he glared at Matty as he fake cleared his voice “As I was saying the extremely short curly dickhead is matty, our “charismatic” front man” his voice dripped with sarcasm as he did air quotes with his hands around the word charismatic. “And our final member Hann, well technically Adam but no one calls him that, hasn't arrived yet” You completely missed that last sentence as you were only thinking about Matty, something that you didn't know would become a staple in your life. 

You then start to really think about the situation, and it all becomes painfully clear. The random attractive stranger only helped because he knows Ross. Of course. You obviously cannot have a life separate from your older brother. Even the seemingly kind strangers who you're attracted to have to know him. Not even just know him, they have to be one of his best mates. Any thoughts you had of getting a quick shag tonight from the hot stranger dissipated quickly as you realised Matty was not just being nice and was in fact teasing you by talking to you. Just doing it knowing it would piss off Ross. Great. You love being the pawn in their immature games. 

Then and there you decided you hate matty healy. This hatred stuck for all the years that followed. It stuck through them getting their first song on the radio. Getting their first album out. The first tour. The first award ceremony. Through it all you hated Matty Healy. Even 10 years later you still hated matty healy. Which circles your thoughts back to his hands on you. You considered maybe you didn't hate Matty like you thought. Maybe this whole time you have done nothing but desire him. But you push that thought far far away.

The day began with you being awoken by a clanging in the kitchen and you knew it was Matty. Everyone else tried to be respectful on the tour bus, and keep quiet. Especially if you had all been drinking the night before like you all had last night. So when you heard the kettle click off and the loud banging of mugs together you knew it was no one other than Matthew Healy. There wasn't anyone else on the bus, they left earlier in search of pancakes. So it was the perfect opportunity to berate him with no backlash from his friends, in a state of anger you rolled out of your bunk to go and do just that.

However, as you walked into the bus kitchen your angry words died in your mouth as you caught him standing there in nothing but a pair of low-hanging grey jogging bottoms trying to make a cup of tea.  As he turned to face you, you snapped back to reality and you made your face as stoic as you could manage. He didn't need to see you gawk over him. He might be attractive but you knew he didn't need to hear it. If his ego got any bigger you think he would be a danger to society.

“What,” he said, staring at you with disdain in his eyes. Due to all your years of hating Matty, he hated you just as much. In the 10 years you have known him you've never laughed a joke, complimented him or given him any idea that you actually like him. In fact, you've done quite the opposite by constantly saying you hate him. This infuriated Matty to no end due to his incredible ego so he hated you too. Mutually assured destruction was the best way to describe your relationship. “Do you have to make the most amount of noise possible at all times Matthew?” you angrily said between clenched teeth. You saw his jaw tick with anger at the use of Matthew. You never called him Matty to his face, in your head you did but never to him. Anything you could do to make his life marginally worse you would do. Hence the heavy use of Matthew. Normally he would rebut with something equally snarky but something was different this morning, he was obviously at the end of his rope.

“Oh my god. I'm done. What the fuck is your issue with me?” he stated angrily in a raised voice. “Oh Matthew we don't have enough time to detail all my issues with me, you have a show tonight!” You snarkily replied. That wasn't good enough this morning. “No. Not today. I'm being serious y/n what did I do to you that means you have done nothing but despise me for the past decade?” you scoffed signifying to him that you weren't going to dignify him with a response. This angered him further and he started to walk closer to you, “are you seriously not going to respond?” he said, you opened your mouth trying to speak but he interrupted you throwing his hands up and saying “That's fine actually because we all know why you really “hate” me” he put air quotes around the word.

“Oh, really Matthew?” You said starting to stand taller and walking closer to him like he had to you earlier, “please enlighten me then why do I hate you? Share with the class.” you replied sarcastically. “You really want to know?” he replied in a scarily calm voice getting closer to you once again.

After one final step forward by you, you were face to face as you whispered angrily “Yes.”. You stared at each other for half a second before you both shot forward and crashed your lips together in a fit of fury. This isn't your typical first kiss. There was no gentle start and gradual deepening. No. it was hard, dirty and full of anger. He quickly started groping you which was easy because you had been sleeping in nothing but a long shirt and some skimpy sleep shorts. You groaned and grabbed his hair and his hips started to grind into you. Teeth clashed as you forced yourself as close to him as you could while he pushed you against the wall of the bus kitchen.

After you physically had to pull away for air all you did was stare at each other, after a few seconds all Matty said was “Bed?” and you quickly replied, “Bed.” You then both began to stumble into the hallway desperately grasping at each other and going to the large bedroom at the back of the bus with no thoughts other than of each other.

(note- this is a repost, tumblr deleted my old account so this is a new one! I'll add this note on each reposted chapter)

[urmomsstuntdouble]

Can you do one for america

Since I received this about an hour or two after posting my lithuania analysis, I assume you’re asking for an america character analysis. I was debating whether or not to go through with writing this or not for a while, but i’ve decided that I’ll try. I hope you enjoy it!

Idealism

The first thing that sticks out to me when thinking about america is that he’s super idealistic, and I think this has its roots in his birth. Everything in his life has been about hope and being better than others, even down to the decision to colonise north america. England needs to be the most powerful country in europe. Better set up a colony in america so that it can save us. It’s that sort of logic that i think gives america the idea that he needs to be perfect, or that he can be the ideal person. And though a lot of what we consider to be the “american” identity (intense patriotism, nativism, idealism, etc) took recognizable shape in the 19th century, i think this way of thinking was nothing new to alfred. He’d been raised on it, with the desire to please arthur sort of in his blood? Anyway i feel like the idea that the colonies would be so so prosperous really put the idea into america’s head early on that he was perfect and that he was destined to be such a great person, even if that wasn't true. I often see his daddy issues presented as solely abandonment issues, but my interpretation of america is more of a combination of abandonment issues and the pressure, some of it self inflicted, to be a perfect country. Basically, his idealism is deeply rooted in unhealthy places. 

Also, a religion headcanon i have is that while he was more raised to be a puritan, freddie prefers quakerism. Though he’s not the most compatible with quakerism, as it rejects violence and quakers often refer to themselves as the society of friends, and are very welcoming, i think it gives him some hope. One of freddie’s biggest problems is that he wants people to be better than they are, and quakerism helps a little with that, because it’s a way that he can help himself become better than he currently is. I feel like he’s been a quaker for a very long time, so he’s not a very good quaker, but this is still something that’s very important to him. 

Hero complex and other mental bullshit

America having a hero complex and also being physically 19 is something i think really highly of. First of all, it very much fits with the mythology of america being a sort of world savior. Secondly, a lot of american media focuses on heroism, whether its on the behalf of average people, like the hunger games, or on the behalf of superheroes, like the mcu- especially over the past 20 years. Though i think it’s a good thing to promote heroism, the hero-martyr complex that gen z has is. Oof. And i think alfred fits very well into that toxic sort of “heroism” that most gen z kids have. He thinks he’s somehow able to fix everything wrong with the world, just because he really wants to. Though that desire is genuine, it’s not always something that’s his place to fix or something that even needed fixing. There’s also a selfish component to that- He needs to prove himself, and heroism is the only way he thinks he can do that. It’s why he works out constantly and cares so much, on a personal rather than country-avatar-thing level, about being #1 at everything. He has to be better than everyone else because he has to be the perfect hero. 

I also think it’s interesting how america seems to have more pronounced daddy issues than canada, and i think this is something that harkens back to the 13 colonies (side note i hate the term ‘colonial times’ when referring to the time before the revolutionary war or canadian independence. These are settler states, its always colonial times.) and american independence. Canada sort of only exists because of british loyalists, as they made up the majority of the population around the turn of the 19th century. They saw themselves as being The Better Colonists. Real daddy’s boy types, and I think this is something that contributes to the hero complex. Because matthew refused to rebel so openly, that made arthur favor him as a son, so alfred felt the need to be even better than matthew- even though, of course, alfred was a bit more favored. 

Fighting Style

Freddie is very good at violence, but not in the same way that a lot of other nations are. Where they tend to be more well trained in specific styles of fighting, freddie just sort of has all of them? His mind is very crowded, i think. Also, the way that he would have learned to fight is different from the other super powerful countries by virtue of his youth, and by virtue of the different regional fighting styles in america. One that’s haunted me is a trend in the ability to rip off ears and noses- Particularly by white gangs in the antebellum south, this was seen as being like. A real badass. I think alfred was something of a feral child. If you know the saying “it takes a village to raise a child,” i think it really did with him. He had so many parents, just like a lot of the western hemisphere countries. But anyway because of all his many many parents, there was never any strong parental force in his life, so it’s more like he didn’t have any at all, and because of that, alfred was a very strange child. And because violence is so ingrained in american society, alfred is very good at fighting, both in order to be fun and flashy and for his own self defense. Though he doesn't really like to fight unless he feels like he has to (and other people are very good at convincing him that he does have to)

Sports

Though america is definitely super athletic and could probably naturally be good at most sports, i think there’s a few that he’d more gravitate towards. Those are basketball, track and field, and olympic lifting. I would include american football but it’s a stupid sport that doesn’t make any sense, so it will not be included for spite reasons. In basketball I think he’s sort of an every-man. I think he’s around six feet tall, so he really could play any position on offense, and as for defense, I think he’d play his best defense against the point guard, bc i feel like Alfred is really fast and good at getting up in your face. He’d have a ton of steals whenever defending against the point guard. I think he’d be a good center on offense, because he’s a bit aggressive and that would be useful for getting rebounds and put-backs, though i wouldn’t discount point-guard freddie, because he does like to be very inspiring. He’s pretty energetic as well, and a point guard can really carry the entire team in terms of energy and spirit. As for track and field, he’d also be an every man- I feel like he’d gravitate more towards sprinting events by personality, but his coach would stick him in wherever. Where olympic lifts are concerned, he’s absolutely a snatch specialist. 

Empire and contradictions

America is an empire. No way of getting around that. I think imperialism in hetalia is an interesting subject, especially where america is concerned. @mysticalmusicwhispers did a good job running that down here, but basically my thoughts on the matter are that alfred doesn't really like being an empire. There’s many angles to that. It’s lonely at the top, for one. There’s no one who relates to being a 21st century empire in quite the same way as him. Then you have the fact that a lot of people living in america have suffered under imperialism as well. Because of that, there’s a lot of self hatred and anxiety and a not knowing if he can fully trust himself. Theres also the obsession that many americans have with people from other cultures being able to assimilate to american wasp culture. Because of all the people who live in the states who are very much not wasps and who can never be, it’s really hard on alfred, though he refuses to admit that things are anything but fine. 

Extras/Fun stuff

A book that reminds me of him is The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien. It’s a collection of short stories about O’Brien’s time serving in the military during the Vietnam War. It’s a very haunting book and I think about it at least once a week, but it is very violent and there’s a lot of fucked up stuff in it.

giveme chubby alfred or give me death

i feel like this shouldn’t have to be said, but sometimes there’s people who depict him as being pro-trump or pro-right wing bullshit, which. absolutely not. just because of all the political turmoil that exists within alfred, and because of all the pain he goes through because of all the hate that exists within his borders- hate that the entire world is forced to pay attention to. even though he might not have all the best sympathies or motivations, he’s just so tired of all the pain he personally goes through because of domestic political unrest, and would like it to end in the way that’s the least painful for him as a person. 

Bi king of my heart 

not a natural blond

I hc him as being mixed, though i’m not sure what exactly he’d look like? But i do enjoy alfred but not white, as poc are the driving force behind a lot of american life, right down to the languages we speak. Like. something like half the states names are the words of their indigenous peoples, and even more toponyms are indigenous across the country. Then of course i feel he’s very protective of aave and will always pronounce words in Not English correctly. (if u want to hear more about my language thoughts they’re linked below. Not gonna rehash it here cause those posts are Long™) 

My playlist for him!

Other analyses (age, linguistics) 

writing requests

[toomanyfandoms02]

The Photographer // Matthew Gray Gubler x Reader

So I made a one-shot based off of the picture down here!

Word count ~ 3.1k

Summary - y/n is a celebrity photographer, and Matthew's birthday is coming up. This calls for a birthday shoot.

Ever since I was in sixth grade, I dreamed of being a photographer. But back then, I was just taking candid pictures of my cat (Peanut Butter), and random flowers that my mom had graciously planted for me. I really never planned on taking nice, professional pictures of people.

But here I was.

I went to 'California College of Arts' in San Francisco for 4 years. After that, I had a bit of trouble getting myself out there. I had a decent following on my instagram. People liked the pictures of my dog, and the pictures of nature that I took on my many travels. But likes and follows don't get you money, at least not enough. So I switched my focus onto more interesting things.

Advertising yourself as a photographer wasn't an easy task. You had to be ruthless, and be willing to get rejected and not back down. So I did what any semi-sane person would do.

I messaged over 50 celebrities asking of they wanted to do a shoot with me. I sent them my prices, and what kinds of shoots I was willing to do. I didn't have much hope for it, but it was worth a try.

And that's where it began.

Out of all of the messages, Andrew Lincoln, AKA Rick from The Walking Dead messaged me back.

*Hello Miss y/l/n! I've actually seen quite a few of your nature shots and I have always wondered how your photos would turn out with people. I would love to be your Guinea Pig.*

He sent me days he was available and I did his shoot. After posting his pictures, my popularity shot from there.

That was a few years ago, I was now taking photos for multiple celebrities. I was ultimately known for my black and white shoots. I had, in fact, just gotten done with a shoot of A.J. Cook. She had requested *me* to take her pictures for an up and coming article that was being written about her. I, of course, gratefully said yes, being a huge fan of hers, along with the whole Criminal Minds cast.

I emailed her all of the pictures I had taken, edited and all, while simultaneously posting them on my instagram.

It was mere hours later before a notification popped up on my phone of an email that I could not believe. Theres no way that he was emailing me, right?

*You have an Email from Matthew Gray Gubler*

*Hi there! I saw your shoot on AJ's instagram and my birthday is coming up. My manager wants me to do a birthday shoot, and we both like your black and white style. I know it's not usually the kind of thing you, birthdays, do but I figured it was worth a shot, and I think you have some real talent. Let me know when you are free next. I am on a break so my schedule is relatively flexible.*

I could safely say that it was a good thing that I lived alone because I don't think I have ever screamed louder into a pillow. Matthew has been one of my favorite celebrities for the longest time. If we were going to be completely honest, once I started watching Criminal Minds, I immediately had a crush on him. This wasn't exactly the profession to be in if you were going to have a celebrity crush. I was often invited to red carpets and movie premiers, so I met quite a few stars. I never thought I would have to worry about slipping up on my professionalism.

Because I never thought I would even meet him.

My obvious answer to his request was yes. I would never *ever* miss an opportunity to have a photoshoot with someone so inspiring and meaningful to me. So I started writing an email back.

*Hi Matthew!*

Should I address him like that? Is that unprofessional?

*Hi Mr. Gubler*

Abso-fucking-lutely not.

*Hi Matthew!* We are gonna stick with that. *I don't know if this is too short of a notice, but I actually have a free spot tomorrow. (Of course if that doesn't work for you, I can figure something out for later, and try to fit it in before your birthday). I have a few ideas for props that I can send you? Let me know how I can help.*

I sent it and ran my hands through my hair, tossing my phone back onto my comforter. I had taken pictures of so many awesome celebrities:

• Selena Gomez

• Robert Downey Jr.

• Dylan O'Brien

• Grant Gustin

• Holland Roden

• Danai Gurira

But this was by far the coolest one, in my mind at least.

While waiting a little to anxiously for a reply, I decided I was going to make myself some lunch, Ramen. I set my phone on the counter as I boiled my noodles, peering over at the blank screen every few seconds (but really they felt like **minutes**).

Just as I was adding the flavour packet to the bowl my phone buzzed. I jumped slightly, spilling part of the packet out of the bowl.

"Damnit." I quickly wiped the salt into the trash can and snatched my phone, seeing another email.

*Tomorrow is actually perfect, and I would love to hear your recommendations on props, clothes, anything really. I'm going to leave my number on this email so we can have easier contact of that's okay with you.*

Wow, alright. I will now have Matthew Gray Gublers number in my phone. I made a contact for him.

**It's y/n, soooo for props. I figured I could bake you a cake! I took a few baking electives in college so I could make a really nice one and we can do something with it. I recommend you bring clothes you like to wear that are black and white. (Other colors work too, but it just looks and flows better if it's black and white). I will set the rest of the stuff up. I will be ready for you by 1 pm if that's okay.**

*You would bake me a cake?! That would be super cool thank you! I would love that. I will bring a few black and white outfits. Would it be weird if I brought a black and white Kimono?*

A chance to see Matthew in a kimono? Please yes.

**Oh my gosh please do. I would love to take pictures of you in an infamous kimono of yours.**

*Awesome! I will see you tomorrow at 1. Heres my managers info for you to sell the billing to.*

He attatched his managers email. I just sat at my kitchens island, smiling like a true dork at my phone.

**And here is my address, I run the studio at my house. What is your favorite cake and icing by the way? :)**

Was a smiley face unprofessional?

I need to chill out.

*Vanilla cake and chocolate frosting possibly? I will eat anything though probably. :)*

Now I was really smiling at my phone like a psycho idiot.

**Alrighty, see you tomorrow**

Since I didn't want to wake up too early tomorrow, I decided I was going to start the cake tonight. I had quite a few recipes held in my cabinets. I located my vanilla cake recipe and put my pre-made chocolate frosting on the counter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After about an hour of preparing, making a cake from scratch, and putting it in the oven. The cake was finally done and cooled. I added black cocoa to the frosting to make it completely black and got out my white gel.

*You made it 3 decades :)*

Was scrawled in calligraphy on the top of the cylindrical cake. I added white drips down the sides and white multi shaped sprinkles to the bottom part.

I set it in my fridge and got ready for bed. I know it's going to be hard to sleep just thinking about tomorrow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My alarm woke me up at 10 am, never before this had I woke up with a smile on my face before 12.

I took a quick shower and dressed in a white and blue floral romper with my hair in a high ponytail. Now it was time to set up backgrounds for the shoot.

I had two stations downstairs where I took all my photos. I set the first one up very normal with a white background and a rustic black stool. The second one was set up with another white background but littered with black streamers and big *30* black and white speckled balloons strung at the top.

Once I was done with all that. It was nearing 1. I slipped the cake out of the fridge and slid it onto my island. I glanced up at the clock above my stove.

*12:49*

Since I just had a little bit of time, I went a put some simple makeup on. I usually don't wear makeup when taking pictures of people, but for obvious reasons, I was making an exception.

Just as I was leaving my bathroom I heard a knock at my door. I walked swiftly to my door and opened it shakily.

"Hi!" He held up the clothes that were hung lazily over his arm. He smiled that million dollar smile and I could have sworn he looked me up and down.

Wishful thinking I guess.

"Welcome!" I stepped out of the doorway, silently inviting him in. "If you wanna set your stuff down, those stairs to the right lead you down the the studio."

"Thanks." He scurried down the stairs as I grabbed the cake and followed him down. I set it on a table that I had down there, he peered over at it and immediately burst into fits of laughter.

"I knew you had a sense of humor, so why put something normal and boring on the cake." I laughed with him as he tried to catch his breath.

"This is so perfect." He laughed a little more. "Thank you, so much." I shrugged with a smile. I posed him in front of the streamers with the cake.

He made some silly faces and smiled like there was no tomorrow. Next I brought him to the more plain station, sitting him on the stool. I looked through the lenses of the camera and glared a bit.

"Hey can you put your left leg up on the second peg of the stool?" I asked, pointing to his leg.

"This one?" He put it on the third. I shook my head. "This one?" He moved it down the the fourth. He was smiling a sly smile, seemingly challenging me.

"Let me do it for you." I had to pose people often, but posing him was going to be a little harder for me, considering I found him painfully attractive.

I moved his leg up to the second one and patted it.

"Now leave it there, so I don't have to help you again." I giggled, walking back to my camera. Taking a picture of him leaning forward on the stool and smiling. I then made him laugh and got a good genuine one of him leaning back and laughing. After all that, I proposed that we eat some cake and took a break.

I cut him a slice and handed it to him with a smile.

"So, tell me about yourself." He said, eating a bite of his cake.

"Well, I have always enjoyed photography. I love all types of art, so I also draw and paint often. And I have a black cat upstairs. His name is-" and I stopped, blood rushing to my cheeks. He is most certainly going to ask me the name, and I do not want to tell him.

He stared at me expectantly. "What is his name?" He motioned me to go on.

"Uh," I laughed a little awkwardly, setting my hands in my lap and staring at them. "His name is Spencer. As in Spencer Reid..." I glanced up at him and saw a huge grin break out on his face.

"So you like Criminal Minds? I never would have guessed. You just don't seem the type."

"Well all my memorabilia is in my room, just so people don't think I'm weird for having quite a few framed and signed posters." I smiled up at him, pushing around the remaining cake crumbs on my plate.

"One, That's not weird, that's awesome. Two, can I please meet Spencer and take pictures with him in my kimono."

I don't think I have ever heard a better sentence in my entire life.

"Yes, absolutely! I'll go get him." I clunked up the stairs on my search to find Spencer. I went to his usual spot first, my bed. Luckily he was sitting there, licking his outstretched foot. "Hi baby! You are about to take pictures with the guy you are named after. He almost as cute as you!" I grabbed him from the bed an headed back downstairs. I walked in with the accidental impeccable timing to see Matthew in his barely tied kimono, showing off his chest. My eyes widened a bit and he tied it off fully.

"Is this the famous Spencer?! He is so cute!" He reached his arms out at Spencer. My little fluff ball curled up into him instantly, cuddling into his silky kimono.

We took many many pictures of Spencer and Matthew together. I think maybe my cat likes him more than he likes me now.

"Okay, last idea. How about we just take some more up close pictures of me feeding you some cake?" It came put as a question because I didn't know how comfortable he would be with it.

"Perfect!" I cut another slice of the cake and brought it over to him. We were both sitting on the floor.

"This might be a little awkward, okay?" I giggled as I leaned back to get his whole face in the shot. This proved to be very difficult as I was using my left hand to take the picture. I fed him the cake with the right as he looked at the camera with a more seductive look. I could have melted into the floor.

I decided to switch hands so I could take the photos better, but now my very uncoordinated hand was the one picking up the cake. As I went down to get another section of the cake for another angle of feeding this sculpture of a man, I instead dipped my thumb right into the deep black frosting.

"Shit, I'm so sorry hold on." As I went to stand up and grab a napkin to wipe my thumb off, Matthew grabbed my wrist lightly.

"Hold on, uh, I have an idea, before you do anything." I sat down with a confused look. "I saw someone do this in another shoot. But we totally don't have to do it. I just thought it would be a different idea." His words were more rushed than usual.

"I'm sure I've done weirder things for other shoots, don't worry. It's *your* shoot." I reassured him, though my head was swimming wondering what he was going to do.

"Ok. So. What I'm going to do is put your thumb in my mouth, and I'm basically gonna, uh, suck on it while kinda smiling?" He could barely get through the whole thing without laughing.

"Alright, weird request but I like it!" I giggled for what seemed like the 30th time today. "And to make you feel better, yes, I have done weirder."

"Thank God."

"So I am guessing you want me to do something like this with the rest of my hand, ya know, the part that's not in your mouth." I stated as I placed my hand on his cheek. He let a slow breath out, staring into my eyes.

"Yeah, exactly."

"Okay." I said with a shrug, grabbing my camera from the ground. He opened his mouth with an all too familiar wide grin as I placed my thumb in. His mouth closed around it and he smiled, just a little. I brought my camera to my face, capturing the moment that I would have forever in my mind and in a small frame on my bedroom wall, for sure.

I slipped my thumb from his mouth and watched as his face turned extremely red. To save him embarrassment, I immediately stood up and grabbed a napkin to wipe the rest of the frosting off.

"Can I see it?" He motioned to the camera. I nodded, sitting down right beside him, showing him the picture. It showed off a closer look at the rose tattoos I had near my wrists and the shiny watch that was gifted to me by my mom. "It turned out good! I really hope I didn't make you uncomfortable."

"Oh no! Of course not. Total opposite." As soon as I said that I regretted it.

"So that made you extremely comfortable?" A sly smile was making it's way onto his face.

"That's, that's not- You know what? Sure, yes." I chuckled. "You don't really make me uncomfortable at all to be honest. So no, you didn't make me uncomfortable."

"Well I'm glad." He smiled and we sat in silence for a moment.

"Well I guess that's it yeah?" He nodded. "Well this was fun. Thanks for being an excellent subject to take pictures of."

He gathered his stuff as we went back upstairs. Once at the door, Spencer came up to him, rubbing on his leg. He bent over to pet him.

"So, I'm not sure if you are single or not." I could feel the blood draining from my face. Was this really happening right now? "But I wanted to know if you wanted to go on a date?"

Yes, this was happening right now.

"Really?" I could tell I sounded extremely excited, but at this point, I didn't even care.

"Yeah, you are super laid back, funny, talented, and you aren't scared away by how weird I am." He laughed, "So yes?"

"I would absolutely love to."

"Great. I'll text you." He winked and waved as he closed the door, leaving.

My back went against the door. I couldn't keep in the squeal so I just embraced it and squealed my heart out, doing a little dance.

Which was quickly ended when I heard a knock at the door.

"I'm sorry, I want to get to know you better immediately." He let out a nervous chuckle. "Are you free for the rest of the day?" I was sure that my face was red as a tomato.

"Yes I am." He grabbed my hand, dragging me outside.

"Then let's go."

[mattelektras]

can you talk about logan and elektra's friendship?

how long you got 

SOMETIMES when a bitch needs therapy and wont get it, they find another bitch who should be going to therapy and then they do murders together

they both have really similar experiences with being used by clandestine organisations and that sometimes even involving like. mind control and brainwashing. eg logan’s weapon x shit vs elektra’s hand shit. also logan’s beserker side vs elektra’s erynys side

and both of them never hold things against one another, like, for what they did when they werent themselves, or even when they were. because i think they both have the same understanding of the fact that sometimes people are bad and sometimes those people are us 

in savage wolverine logan said that being with elektra is a ‘lot like being alone’ which gives them that kind of friendship where they dont have to talk or communicate often to have a deep relationship. also for logan, with the xmen, theres so many of them and theyre all so VOCALLY there for him, and love him which can be hard for someone who isnt necessarily used to the family shit so to have elektra who’s the complete opposite of that and doesn’t show it with words or actions

she saw him as a man when he was more animal, and trained him back to being himself and he always seen her as more than a hand assassin even with the blackhawk thing. never held the fact that she took down a helicarrier because she had to pretend to be mind controlled and beat the hand in th long run

even when logan was being controlled into killing daredevil he was still self aware enough to be like ‘matthew you incorrigible slut you’re not good enough for my girl fuck you’

in elektra vol 1 he heard that she was dating someone new and showed up to town to make sure he was good enough for her

she dropped in on him at avengers tower and he just dropped whatever he was doing w them and was like right ok babe who are we killing IMMEDIATELY

she took him back to her home in greece!!!!!!! where she grew up!!!!!! she hasnt even taken matt there!!!!

this is a personal kind of. concept. that i have. but after being resurrected and messed with multiple times by the hand and having her body literally split in two. i find it kind of fake that elektra would age normally or be killed by any simple means, and obviously logan doesnt. so i imagine that after they outlive all of their loved ones they meet every once in a while as a reminder of their pasts. like 2 bitchy old immortals having tea and shit talking

logan has acknowledged multiple times that elektra is more dangerous than he is. very sexy of him

she’s like 7 ft tall and he’s tiny and that one panel in enemy of the state where his head came up to like her mid torso?? chef kiss

this is paraphrasing but logan was once inner monologuing about how rare and special and beautiful she was and she was doing the same but like ‘he’s very small and quite ugly. i love him so much’

i think emma made him watch desperate housewives one time and he didnt want to admit he liked it so he went to elektra’s and they binged all 8 seasons

the parallel of ororo when logan dies vs matt when elektra died. thank god ororo has mental stability

speaking of. the first time he introduces her to ororo, elektra pulls him aside like. holy shit. holyyyy shit

they both see a young girl having a shit time and their knives are OUT

mutant au that i think about a lot where elektra has skarlet esque blood magic powers and has a similar pull towards a lack of humanity as logan. they’d a have a similar kind of relationship as he has with betsy but elektra would have less to do with like. the xmen and more to do with. extra curricular murder 

also he makes it very clear he has black widow’s phone number and can give it to her at any time. did you know nat does yoga on wednesdays? how funny would that be if you ALSO did yoga on wednesdays

[wizisbored]

What are some of your favorite lines you've written for your fics? (Also I'm sorry things aren't going well right now. Sending love 💜)

right its time to go diggin im using this as an excuse to reread everything because i cant think of any lines off the top of my head even though i know theres a shitton

premptively putting a cut here because this will probably end up long as shit and you know what fuck yea to that because fuck yea to being proud of what youve made

SO

hallelujah, first thing i posted:

If those bastards want to make her part of their shitty musical, then she’s going to make it difficult. Or at least inconvenient.

The hive is not inconvenienced in the slightest.’

- idk if this is as funny as i think it is but i find it funny

"Nobody dies with dignity, Emma. There's no honour in the thing, however you dress it up."

- wrote that to sound creepy and now i cant decide whether i actually think its true

But he’s holding her like she’s his salvation, as if it’s his life hanging in the balance.

- salvation is just a good word tbh

It’s hopeless, but she refuses to be killed by a game of fucking ‘got your nose’.

purgatory, intended to be a shitpost but now i unironically think of it as the best thing ive ever written

After a few years (or maybe seconds, it’s not clear) / it takes a moment (or maybe it doesn’t, who knows?) / An undocumentable amount of time passes. /  They might have slipped into an uneasy silence lasting millenia - or milliseconds - if it wasn’t for the jolly tune that suddenly fills the air. / for minutes or years or millenia or maybe even eons / After a brief, indescribably long nap / But the incomprehensible amount of time seems somehow shorter this time.

- 2 in one of fucking with the concept of time and hinting at an unreliable narrator, hell yea. its about the weird atmosphere, baybeeeee

“Does one day of trying the hardest we could outweigh years of not trying at all?” Emma wonders aloud. Paul squeezes her hand.

“I damn hope so.”

He doesn’t ask if she believes in Hell.

- even without context i like this line but in context it really helped set the sombre tone so i could do a full 180 at the end of the chapter

Emma wonders whether they’ve been sent to musical hell for failing to stop the musical apocalypse

- love the implication that there is a hell dedicated to annoying people via musical theatre

“You said- you told her you’d never be in a musical?”

“Yes.”

“And then you died performing a musical number?”

“I- yeah, I did.”

“Brilliant! Now, that is stupid!”

- probably my best characterisation of death, sounds like something that would be said in a stupid deaths bit, i can hear it in his voice

teachers pet

“It’s only blatant if people know about it. So in actual fact this is secret favouritism.”

- hidgens gives absolutely 0 shits about the ethics of the situation good for him

“And if that is kidnapping, well, consider yourself kidnapped.”

- once again ethics simply do not matter

“Oh, where is your sense of adventure? Are you not curious about the results of washing baked beans?”

- this line hants me when im trying to make stew or just have some fucking beans on toast because I am curious about the results of washing baked beans

“Well, if it isn’t, and we both die, then I’ll be quite disappointed. We did spend all evening on this, after all.”

- priorities

finishing what we started, actually originally a scrapped ending idea for igtlt that i liked too much to abandon entirely

“How many bullets?” He eventually asks.

“Enough.”

- they just know what theyve got to do

Only thing left to say is a big ol’ fuck you to… God, everyone else in the fucking world. Oh, and God. Fuck you God, you prick.

- gotta love them tto refs

wildfire, almost 20,000 words of angst that im going to read through because fuck it why not

She doesn't understand the order, at least not yet; a dog doesn't understand the first time she's called to heel. But that can change. Though, from the bared teeth of this dog, the trader guesses it may take a while.

- this is actually something i really like doing in narration, calling a character something in dialogue or comparison and then directly calling them it in the narration

He understands; she doesn't want to show weakness to someone who could exploit her, doesn't want to show gratitude to someone she hates. But the tribeswoman is tired and scared and hurt, and it's obvious. She's broken, at least for today.

The loneliness, however, refuses to wane. It settles in her chest like a physical need, a craving for closeness.

- got inspiration for this description by thinking about hugging my partner while i was stuck in lockdown

"You can say that again," the older woman mutters, shaking her head. "God-fuckin'-damnit, Lauren, why d'you never think about the implications?"

Jemilla turns to her with a questioning look. "Who's Lauren?"

"She-" Molag begins to explain, then pauses. She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "I don't even know."

- crossover jokes hell yea

He’s tolerable, she’s decided, at least relatively so, but not trustworthy. If she could truly trust him then he wouldn’t be involved in all this. If she could trust him, she wouldn’t know him.

The thinly-veiled threat in his grin

She stares up at the man, shaking, whimpering, pleading. Wordlessly begging for him to stop.

- gotta love reaching the breaking point

She probably looks insane, bruised and bloody and laughing quietly to herself in a cage. She doesn’t care. They can think she’s insane, just as long as they don’t think they broke her.

laughing as they rediscover half-forgotten days spent as children let loose in a world that seemed so huge and yet so small at the same time

“You know, kids like Zazzalil - scrawny little things born as Autumn died - they’re not supposed to see Spring.”

- i will see any character without a detailed fleshed-out backstory and say ‘is anyone going to make headcannons about that’ and then not wait for an answer

Maybe the pain will shock her out of her head.

im going to live twice

It feels more like a bag of broken crockery than a human.

- this was the only time ive ever had to describe something really gory and decided to make it as uncomfy as possible

she notices with a concerning level of non-concern

Paul Matthews is gone, boy. And if I catch you using a dead man’s name again, well.

- its about the ✨forced disconnect✨

It stares at him, and for a moment he sees the young man that Benny used to be, silently pleading for the agent to tell him he'll be okay.

"In my defence, that was the Colonel's idea.” The man raises his hands in surrender. “I wanted to call you Lauren. I was outvoted.”

- i will take literally any chance to make a 4th wall joke and that is a threat

“I’ll see what can be done,” he assures it, knowing full well that nothing will be.

- xander doesnt flat out abuse emma in the way mcnamara and shaffer do but hes still cruel in subtler ways

“No chance of being hurt?”

Xander nods. “No chance of you being hurt.”

-  ✨foreshadowing ✨

If only he was free, free to just get up and go find Blue and tell her - actually tell her, out loud, with words - that she’s going to be okay. If only he could say that and have it be the truth.

She holds onto that piano. Right now, as she kneels crying into the tabletop, it's all she has.

- ‘sir thats my emotional support near-complete stranger’

smoke and feathers

Irony can be a cruel, twisted bitch.

- probably the best opener ive written

There’s a sort of pathetic irony in the fact that she slipped on a stone while wading across a shallow stream and broke her neck.

The stars move across the sky, and she still doesn’t know why.

- sounds poetic and all while also being a fuck you to the chorn twist because i hate it

It seems like every time she looks away the moon goes from waxing to waning and back again, time marching onwards in one unending night, swallowing one unending forest.

Even with her limited view of the person’s face, Zazzalil can see the softness in their expression. She’s hit with a pang of longing for Jemilla.

They share those tender looks that make Zazzalil long for home.

The kind of silence only shared between people who can appreciate the simplicity of each other’s presence

aaand thats pretty much all of em. i know when you said ‘some’ you probably meant less than this but i will give a consice answer to a question when pigs fly. i was going to do the double e au too but its past 1 am now and im going to bed. thanks for this ask because whether intentionally or not you just made me read 48,860 words of fic and thats a damn good distraction when things are getting a bit shitty :)

[emmieroxuniverse]

I have been obsessed for DAYS!!! TLH!!! MORE THEORIES! 💗💗💗💗

For the last week or so, ive had The Last Hours on the brain. I think i may be more excited for Chain of Gold to hit the book shelves than i was for the birth of my first nephew. Im not even sure if im kidding or not.

Well if you knew him you would understand, hes terrible, anyways, ive been theorizing along with my bestie and have come up with some pretty cool theories

So here we go! Before i get started i must warn you there are #MAJORSPOILERS for Tales From the Shadowhunter Academy, The Bane Chronicles, Ghosts of the Shadowhunter Market, and other TSC books. Okay lets begin.

Theories

One: Grace Blackthorn

There is alot of speculation about Grace Blackthorn. Her last name, the one she is given at birth is Cartwright. James Herondale knew her when she was in Idris. In TftSA he speaks of her and the year is 1899 at the age of 13. He says shes in need of rescuing.

He says she has no other friends, my theory starts there.

I believe thats where Tatiana comes in to play. She is devoted to Tatiana because Tatiana is her saviour. I believe Grace is part fae and that she isnt just any fae, shes part siren which explains the allure she holds over James. She has to be something other than an ordinary shadowhunter because the comments Tatiana Blackthorn made about her in The Bane Chronicles and James' reaction to her when hes older is just crazy. Then of course her cruel words " there nothing i cant make you do" hmmm... interesting

Two: Jordelia Heronstairs marriage

I adore this marriage. I hope these two end up happy and i really hope our little Jamie doesnt end up heartbroken and stuck in a loveless marriage but from what we know so far, hes madly in love with Grace Blackthorn (which i suspect isnt all his doing) Moving on...

I believe their marriage is the arranged marriage that Cassie spoke of. I think that it has to do with saving Cordeila herself and not just the name. We know according to Cassie Cordelia and James marry at the end of TLH 1 and i assume alot after their marriage is crazy complicated. We know already Cordelia cares deeply for James but will he reciprocate those feelings eventually? who knows.

I think they marry because of how severe her fathers crimes were. They were said to be worse than Tobias Herondales and comparing the two makes me believe that the punishment will be as cruel or worse. It makes me think that the Clave will intend to strip Cordeila and Alistair as punishment for Elias's crimes, that or execute them. My theory is that Will and Tessa and Jem along with everyone involved in helping come together and decide that James should marry Cordelia because it will save her life. She would no longer be a Carstairs and the Clave wouldnt touch her.

Three: Lucie Herondale

Now this is a theory i have had for a while. A long while actually. People have speculated about Lucie's powers and i believe i have an idea of what she can do. Lucie has been extremely curious about Jesse Blackthorn for ages. She was lost in the forest in Idris as a child and someone helped her find her way home. I believe this was Jesse Blackthorn. We all know Herondales can see ghosts, my theory is that Lucie can actually make physical contact with ghosts. In TLH its why shes so freaking fascinated with him. He saved her all those years ago but he still looks the same. She could always touch him of course because of her gift but now so can everyone else and thats why everything about him is so intriguing to Lucie.

Four: Grace Blackthorn and Christopher Lightwood marriage? Sham?

I know it sounds crazy but of all of the marriages in TLH i believe this one is the one that is definitely most likely NOT a sham. We know theres a definite possibility it could happened. Think about this... Herondale eyes. they had to be passed down and the only person we know for a fact that has those eyes now is Alec. Alecs ancestor is Gabriel Lightwood and Cecily and how else would the gene get passed unless it was through them?

Anna has blue eyes but i doubt she would marry and have children, no other women have been introduced or spoke of in the slightest who arent related to him so i just dont think it could be anyone else. Aloof but beautiful underneath it all Christopher Lightwood marries mean heffer Grace Blackthorn. I really think that. I know the family tree is missleading but it does give you some idea of how far the familes go back, how many generations from TDA to TMI.

Or....theory Grace Blackthorn and Anna Lightwood.

Ive considered this as well. Ive read pieces where Cassie has commented on the two of them speaking and it makes me wonder what type of relationship they end up having or if she just lets Grace have it for treating James like crap. You see Gabriel and Cecily have a baby named Alexander and it makes me think that maybe thats Alecs ancestor and the map is extremely inaccurate after all ☺

Five: Matthew and Christopher theory.

I believe Christopher and Matthew could be the boys in this snippet.

He took a deep breath, and crossed the floor of blades and constellations to the other boy’s side. He stood at the foot of the stairs, looking down.

“But of course,” he said, very softly, “your sentiments are reciprocated.”

He stooped over him, tilting his chin up. Their lips met. The other boy made a soft sound, almost like surrender, stretching under his body. He slid an arm around his neck and pulled him down onto the stairs.

Why?

Because Matthew is always taking responsibility for him. He calls him a genius. Christopher spends time at the Branwell houshold with Matthews father.

Matthew even says he loves taking care of people and hes good at it. He says be takes care of his father. He actually said in TftSA that he took care of Christopher Lightwood. The words spoken do sound like Matthew too.

Six: Love triangles

Recently there was a post about a love triangle in TLH with 2 women and 1 man. My guess is its gonna be with Anna, Grace, and James or it will be with Grace, Lucie, and Jesse. They arent really siblings and ive seen pics like this...

They make me think that the both of them want Jesse's heart. This photo was on Cassie's Pinterest it seemed to be the sort of photo like "its on" or "may the best woman win" i dunno. The kiss was just...this photo made me think of the two of THEM facing off. Judas Kiss or something.

Another thought was maybe Anna, Grace, and James is because i think the marriage between Cordelia and him could be a fluke at first and maybe he persues Grace still. Anna could end up falling for her as well and theres your triangle. I just have a feeling that Grace Blackthorn is involved in this thing.

Because i hate her.

Like i seriously hate Grace Blackthorn and its sad because i 💙 Blackthorns 😣

Seven: When its all said and done, Matthew Fairchild will not be a Shadowhunter.

I think he will either die, be stripped of his marks, or be turned into a downworlder which i freaking hate, i dont want Matthew to change hes perfect just the way he is and because i love him like a fat kid loves cake.

Eight: In the end when its all said and done Jordeila will be a thing (in love) and so will Jucie Heronthorn?

Is that their ship name?

Anyway that will be all for today. Im sure theres more, in fact i know there is bit theres so many details and i have so little time so have a great day and i hope you enjoy your day!

[fan-of-mulligan]

FOM BLOG: GILLINGHAM SUPPORTERS SEASON PREVIEW FOR 2019 / 2020

Looking ahead to the start of The 2019 / 2020 Season, And With Gillingham kicking off the season with a long trip up north against Doncaster Rovers, I have asked several Gillingham Supporters for there thoughts and opinions on a number of different subjects, Including Gillingham’s Transfer Activity, Gillingham’s Home Form and how does everyone think Gillingham will line up for the opening league game of the season against Doncaster Rovers At The Keepmoat Stadium.

Answering these questions are the following Gillingham Supporters,,,,, Luke, Steven, BQGillsFan, Loonpotter, Simon, Stocky, Dutch Gundersen, Gary, Mark, Gills Debate, Matthew, RichardG, Nathan, Rob, Neil, RichardS, Shane, Smithy, Lewis and Gills In The Blood,  - I want to thank everyone who has participated in the latest Gillingham Supporters Blog, as well as thank those who participated in The Gillingham Supporters Blogs throughout The 2018 / 2019 Season, It is because the involvement of everyone who has participated in the previous four blogs which made these blogs so successful, so once again, thank you, Now on to the questions and answers……..

1. GILLINGHAM HAVE BEEN VERY ACTIVE IN THE SUMMER TRANSFER WINDOW (SIGNING JACK BONHAM, LEE HODSON, ALFIE JONES, CONNOR OGILVIE, STUART O’KEEFE, OUSSEYNOU CISSE, MATTY WILLOCK, MARK MARSHALL, ALEX JAKUBIAK, MIKAEL NDJOLI AND MIKAEL MANDRON) WHAT HAVE YOU MADE OF GILLINGHAM’S SUMMER TRANSFER BUSINESS SO FAR, AND ALSO, WHICH SIGNING ARE YOU MOST EXCITED ABOUT ???

Luke - Some decent signings in there but some I've felt slightly uninspired by. Not quite convinced by the fact so many have played their trade in Scotland as many other Gills signings from north of the border haven't turned out too well. Ouss Cisse looks like he could be an absolute tank in the middle of the park and O'Keefe seems to be a very good leader so probably those two as our midfield was lacking last season.

Steven - Willock

BQGillsFan - Think it's fair to say it has been a positive window for Gillingham. Steve Evans has a lot of experience at this level and knows the kind of players needed to bring a bit of fight and grit to a hopefully successful side. O'Keefe and Cisse epitomise that and I'm excited by those two. A couple of no nonsense midfielders that will add some much needed physicality and nastiness to the centre of the park.

Loonpotter - I've been hugely impressed by the activity in the transfer window.. but not just by the amount that have come in but the quality that has been added.. Ones l’m most excited about are probably Ndjoli, Marshall and Willock.

Simon - Whoever came in as manager was going to have to bring new players in with so many out of contract. I'm looking forward to seeing how this new team does this season. Most of the signings have league experience which is good. Not really sure who excites me most as I haven't really seen them play other than at Folkestone.

Stocky - I think the signings have been very promising and think we are just another 1/2 names away from having a really strong squad to challenge at the right end of the table this year. From pre- season appearances, I've been impressed with O'Keefe who I feel will add a lot of solidity in the middle of the park this year. I've also been impressed at the hold-up play of Mandron and his technical ability since coming into the squad.

Dutch Gundersen - Generally positive - exactly what people said would happen, Evans brings in lots of loans. O'Keefe and Bonham are the stand outs for me.

Gary -  Last season we were picking up good and promising youngsters from sides like us. We have done the same with players from Premier League sides so I am excited to see what quality they can bring. We appear to have brought in players very competent in their positions and, if successful, we have often turned these loan spells into permanent deals. I am most excited about Willock as it has been a long time since we've had some flair at the club.

Mark -  Most excited about Ndjoli. In general we seem to have opened the purse strings and gone up a level in terms of quality. I don’t buy the same budget as last year. I think Evans has had more than Lovell. I think we can thank MEMS for that.

Gills Debate - I think that we’ve done some good business in the transfer window. We’ve addressed some of the key issues, such as replacing Holy (by signing Bonham), and strengthening the midfield with the additions of Willock, O’Keefe and Cisse. From what I saw in the pre-season games against Charlton and Southend, I think that O’Keefe could be a very key player for us this season, in terms of being someone that’s going to get stuck in and win the ball back in midfield. I’m probably most excited by Ndjoli – I think that he looks raw, but he also looks like he’s got lots and lots of potential, and if he hits the ground running then I think that we could have a very useful player on our hands.

Matthew - Very good this year signing lots of good quality players. The most exciting player I am look to see do well is Mark Marshall. In the game against Southend he bossed the first half done that wing.

RichardG - I think pleasantly surprised. Theres some recognisable names at this level which we've had a history of missing for whatever reason. I'm most excited by Matty Willock and look forward to seeing what he can do, I still think we need a left back back-up and possibly a poacher.

Nathan - When Steve Evans comes into your football club, you know that you’re going to see some turnover. What we’ll have this year is real competition for places in most positions which is something you need in a team. Too often you felt under Lovell that if the 11 he picked couldn’t win a game, we didn’t have anyone on the bench who could come on and change things, unless Eaves had been left out! In terms of most exciting, it must be the new-look midfield – particularly Cisse, O’Keefe and Willock. That said, almost all the signings are exciting in their own way. Good luck picking the 11 for Doncaster.

Rob - I think it has been a great close season in terms of both the quantity and quality of players we have bought in. I'm looking forward to seeing the dynamic Willock play and think he'll be a great player. I suspect the best signing may well be O'Keefe who does the dirty work very well.

Neil - Evans has continued his record of signing lots of players as he’s done at his past clubs. He’s concentrated on wide attacking players and midfielders. Excited to see Willock play as he’s from Man Utd who are my 2nd team to Gills.

RichardS - Arguably the most exciting I have been as a Gills fan over a large number  of years. Many excite me. Ogilvie we know is quality although I am not sure he will always play centre half where he's best. O,Keefe I think will be excellent bringing much needed experience and Marshall likewise. I'm particularly looking forward to seeing how Matty Willock gets on. I think the options are endless and gives real depth to the squad.

Shane - I have been impressed with our transfer business so far. Our signings look like promising prospects. I think having Steve Evans on board has helped because it appears he has contacts in the right places. I have been quite excited by a number of our signings. I am feeling optimistic for the coming season. The first time in a while.

Smithy -  I personally feel it's been a good summer so far for signings, better than the last few. After losing Holy I thought it was important to get in a good quality keeper and I think we've done that. Cisse is the player I feel most excited about at the moment, along with Ndjoli.

Lewis - There’s definitely been a big overhaul. Evans is known for that, though, so it is and was pretty expected. I’m happy he’s changed the midfield up and I think the three central players (Willock, O’Keefe and Cissé) are top acquisitions that will help protect the defence a lot more. We needed some wide players and strikers, to replace Eaves, too, so a job well done for me in terms of where we’ve strengthened. We’ll see if we can replace Eaves’ goals in some way, I doubt we were ever going to get another striker that will score 20 goals, but I’m happy with it. In terms of who I’m most excited about, I’ll say Mandron. A bit left field, but he’s impressed me a lot so far. He’s pretty agile for a target man and if he can be a little bit more unselfish I feel like he’ll get plenty of goals.

Gills In The Blood - Willock initially excited me based on his upbringing but I’ll plump for Mark Marshall who is a proven winger at this level, or King Ouss Cissé who looks very accomplished so far.

2. NOT ONLY HAVE GILLINGHAM BEEN VERY ACITVE WITH INCOMING TRANSFER ACTIVITY, BUT ALSO, TOM HADLER, LOUIE CATHERALL, LUKE O’NEILL, RYAN HUCKLE, ALEX LACEY, AARON SIMPSON, BILLY BINGHAM, BEN CHAPMAN, DEAN PARRETT AND CALLUM REILLY HAVE ALL LEFT GILLINGHAM FOOTBALL CLUB, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON THE PLAYERS WHO HAVE DEPARTED GILLINGHAM OVER THE SUMMER ???

Luke - Was disappointed that O'Neill wasn't given another deal as he offers more than just being solid at Right Back thanks to his dead ball ability. Also frustrated that Parrett or Reilly haven't really been given opportunities to improve under Evans. The way Evans has handled Parrett, Rees and Stevenson for me has been very poor and I don't agree with chucking them in with the youth team.

Steven -  Sad seeing some faces go and give the youngsters more games.

BQGillsFan - There are some players I'd rather have kept, such as O'Neill, Holy and Eaves, but two of those decided they wanted to move else where so we had little control over those. There did need to be a slimming down of the squad and I think most of the departures are fair. Likes of Lacey, Bingham, Parrett and Reilly are undoubtedly decent players but too injury prone. Everyone else clearly didn't fit into Evans plans so best for everyone to part ways.

Loonpotter - I would just thank them and wish them luck whilst appreciating that we needed more than they could offer hence our position in the table... I would excuse Luke O’Neill from the above and I would have kept him personally…

Simon - Apart from Luke O'Neill (who we will miss for his free kicks mainly) I have no problems with the others leaving. Billy Bingham and Dean Parrett were too injury prone, Callum Reilly wasn't suited to Steve Evans' style and the rest weren't going to play in the first team anyway.

Stocky - I think the majority of those I agree with and have been replaced sufficiently. I would have kept Hadler from the released players as back-up. Bingham is a great player but frustratingly injured more often than not. Luke O’Neill chose to leave us but I would have kept him although Hodson isn't a bad replacement! I was surprised at Reilly being left to depart recently as he had featured in pre-season and felt he had performed well.

Dutch Gundersen - Only sorry to see Tom Eaves go. Not bothered about the rest - they were part of the team that struggled for most of the season. Holy seen as a blow, but only by those who have forgotten how much stick he used to get for simple errors.

Gary - I think its been harsh on players like Reilly and Parrett who seem to have been pushed out. These are players UNDER CONTRACT with families and we would be livid if the reverse occurred. It is clear they have been replaced by better players. Holy and Eaves deserve a chance to play for bigger clubs. I am concerned that letting THREE goalkeepers go leaves a lot on Bonham's shoulders with little experienced back-up.

Mark -  If we are going to break the cycle of relegation battles we have to sign better players that means some have to go.

Gills Debate - I think that I was probably disappointed to see 3 of these players leave in particular – Tom Hadler, Luke O’Neill and Callum Reilly. Having seen young Joe Walsh play in pre-season, I’m not so disappointed to see Hadler leave now, as I think that we’ve got a very capable understudy to Bonham on our books, and someone that has got a lot of potential. Hopefully the move will be the best thing for Hadler as well, as he should now be able to play first team football consistently. I thought O’Neill did well for us over the course of the two years that he played at the club, so I’d have liked to have seen him stay, and while I don’t think Reilly did as well last season as when he first joined on loan, he was one of my picks for the players that I’d been impressed by in pre-season, and I think that the fact that he was left-footed gave us a bit of extra balance, so again I’d have liked to have seen him given further opportunities this season. I think the other decisions are all understandable, whether that’s because the players had problems with injuries (Bingham, Lacey, and to a perhaps lesser extent Parrett), or because they were younger players that wanted to play first team football.

Matthew - I was a bit disappointed to see some of them go. The main person I thought would be a shame that has left is Eaves who you have not mentioned. I really liked his fight even if we were winning or losing.

RichardG - Not too disappointed with those who have gone. Perhaps would have liked to have seen Hadler kept on as a reserve but Walsh has been getting good reviews.

Nathan - It's always disappointing when you see a crop of younger players released, but without seeing them week in and week out, its hard to say whether that was the right decision or not. On the senior players that have been shown the door, I can’t say I’m surprised and fully expect Rees and Stevenson to go too if they can be found clubs. Despite some great moments and a few brilliant individual performances (Lacey against Pompey, O’Neill’s equaliser at Luton) these first team players were too inconsistent. Surprised to see Bingham drop down to the Conference, but good luck to him and hope he can stay injury free.

Rob -  It's sad to see Luke O'Neill leave as I felt he had been consistently good throughout most of his time at the club. His set pieces produced a number of goals and it was the first time in a good few years that I felt confident when we won a free kick. Callum Reilly's departure surprised me, considering he had played the majority of preseason.

Neil - Out of those who have left I think we could miss O’Neill for his free kicks, and Reilly who as a left footer added balance to the midfield.

RichardS - I was sorry to see Luke O Neil move on as I think he did well on the whole for us. I felt Alex Lacey had more to offer and Callum Reilly will be a loss. I do feel we have recruited better so for the others probably time to move on. Good luck to all off them though.

Shane - Most of the players who have departed didn't raise any eyebrows for me. A number of youngsters. Tom Hadler has been waiting for a chance for a few seasons and unfortunately it didn't work out for him. There had to be some first team players go to make room for those incoming. I was surprised to see Reilly depart. But he was obviously not in the new managers plans.

Smithy - I wasn't surprised by Parrett's exit, with the midfielders we've signed I didn't see him appearing much. I was also in two minds as to whether Reilly would also feature much, I am disappointed he's left though. As for the youngsters they need game time so I fully expected some departures and wish the ones that have left well.

Lewis - I was surprised by a couple, a couple were a shame, and a couple were expected. I think the likes of Simpson, Lacey and Bingham leaving, with all due respect, got rid of some dead wood. I was sad to see the likes of Chapman and Reilly leave, but that’s football. Apart from maybe O’Neill, there are no huge losses.

Gills In The Blood - I think we thank them all for their efforts while in and move onwards like they have or will. One or two I was a tad surprised about but on the whole the squad now looks more balanced and ultimately stronger.

3. WHERE DO YOU THINK GILLINGHAM WILL NEED TO STRENGTHEN THE SQUAD IN THE TRANSFER WINDOW ???

Luke - Only think if someone of real quality becomes available that we should look to add. Maybe a left sided player that can play more than one position would be useful or a recognised prolific striker but I doubt we can afford one of those. Some of the youngsters need to be given opportunities as some appear to be very talented.

Steven - I still think we need to strengthen striker and central defender or left back.

BQGillsFan - I'd say we need perhaps another full back and goalkeeper, but Evans seems quite set on giving the youngster Walsh a chance to be back up to Bonham so that's unlikely to happen. Otherwise I'm happy with giving the players we've already bought in the chance to establish themselves and we'll see come January what we may need.  

Loonpotter -  I think we,'re all set and ready now.   I'd be happy as we are.

Simon - We still need a goalscoring striker unless Hanlan or Mandron etc bang them in!

Stocky - I still think we need another left back in personally and at least one more winger. Ideally I would say a proven striker however I can't see that happening.

Dutch Gundersen -  Left back cover and new striker. For me the only man to replace Tom Eaves on the pitch and in our hearts is former Leeds United frontman, Arthur Graham.

Gary - People talk about needing a striker and the club still have an offer tabled for one but we have Hanlan, Ndjoli, Jukubiak and Mandron. We have an abundance of midfielders and 2 for each defensive position so a back-up keeper for me otherwise we have too big a squad. Particularly when Evans said it would be smaller!

Mark - A goalscorer. Someone to get 20 next season. They don’t come cheap and unless Hanlan really kicks on i don’t think we have that person. Yet.

Gills Debate - At the time of writing, I still think that we need a bit of extra cover/competition at left-back, to allow Fuller to compete with Hodson on his more natural right side and I’m also intrigued to see what comes of the bid that we’ve put in for the striker. I think that another winger would probably be useful as well, although I do think that the likes of Charles-Cook, Ndjoli and maybe Jakubiak, will be used from wider areas at times this season.

Matthew - I still think we need another striker to boast what we have already. I hope we can still get the higher league player we are still in for.

RichardG - Left back and poacher.

Nathan - It’s up top isn’t it really. When we signed Eaves, I don’t think there was anyone who thought he’d be a 20 goals a season machine. Hopefully one of the forwards we’ve signed will surprise us, but I still think we’re missing a proven L1 goal scorer. The problem is that someone like that is always going to receive better offers than we can provide so we’re taking chances on players who are hungry to prove themselves. We also need another GK and LB to keep up the competition for places.

Rob - I think we're pretty much there. I'd like to see another left back, not just as competition to Garmston but also to play when he inevitably gets injured. I would wonder about a backup keeper to allow the promising Walsh to play regular football on loan.

Neil - A left back as I can’t see Garmston playing 40+ games this season, perhaps a more central striker who has experience and has scored a few at this level before.

RichardS - With Tom Eaves departure it would be an insurance policy to sign another recognised front man. That said the rumours of another striker being approached might come good before the season starts which means the gap may have been filled.  For me it's the only missing link.

Shane - I still think we may need to strengthen up front. I also think another goal keeper is a must. We cannot be relying on a first year pro if our number 1 is ruled out for a period of time.

Smithy - I still think we need to strengthen the forward line. I'm happy with what we've got but I would like to see a real out and out striker come in.

Lewis - In terms of what’s left, I think I we want a left back and another winger. I wouldn’t rule out a striker that can get goals, either, but left back and a wide man (ehem Jarvis) have to be a priority.

Gills In the Blood - I would love to still see us bring in a ‘proven’ frontman and another left back if I’m being greedy, but if not I’m not disappointed with what we have.

4. GILLINGHAM HAVE GOT THREE HOME LEAGUE MATCHES IN AUGUST (BURTON ALBION, BLACKPOOL AND BOLTON WANDERERS) WITH A LOT OF CONCERNING TALK ABOUT GILLINGHAM’S HOME FORM OVER THE PAST FEW SEASON’S, HOW IMPORTANT DO YOU THINK IT IS FOR GILLINGHAM TO GET OFF TO A GOOD START IN OUR FIRST THREE HOME LEAGUE GAMES OF THE SEASON ???

Luke - It goes without saying that you should start as you mean to go on. Home form cost Lovell his job and Evans needs to ensure that Priestfield becomes a fortress or he may well suffer the same fate as Steve Lovell.

Steven - It's very important to start positively as it will encourage the fans to back Steve Evans and the team.

BQGillsFan - You can see the club desperately wants to get Priestfield rocking given the season ticket campaigns. Getting those first few wins early on will only get fans buzzing and raise the atmosphere, something that has been sorely missing in recent years.

Loonpotter - it's always important but I don’t think we can judge on the last couple of seasons as we have a completely different squad, and with that, a new mindset.

Simon - With Bolton's problems we should be able to secure 3 points against them, The Blackpool and Burton Albion games look more difficult on paper but I'd like to think we will take the game to them rather than sitting back and trying to break on the counter which works away but not at home.

Stocky - I think it is vitally important. Steve Evans has changed a lot of views since coming in due to his approach and mentality which has got fans believing again. The club have done their part by reducing prices and trying to install that togetherness there.

Dutch Gundersen - Vital to win all three to be honest. Fans memories are short, and a few wins will help cement Evans as a legend, and make us all forget that going to Priestfield was a deeply miserable experience last year.

Gary - I don't think a good start is essential. We have a LOT of new players that will need to gel. The home fans have had 2 years of dross so are likely to be a bit reserved, particularly as attendances are lower in August for the holidays. This may cause some tentative play and cost us points. That said, they also will be a fresh team without that prior worry so may hit the ground running. I expect many of our points to come in the middle part of the season.

Mark -  It’s critical. Home Games have been dull for 2-3  seasons. Evans needs a great start at home. Three wins will shut the doubters up. I think he needs 3 as well.

Gills Debate - I think that you always want to start well at home as it allows you to build some momentum and a feel-good factor early on in the season, and that is probably especially important for us given the poor home record that we had over the last couple of seasons. The positivity/excitement seems to have been building over the last few weeks, and a good start at home should allow that to continue once the competitive action kicks off again!  

Matthew - It is always important to start well at home and they are three massive teams but 2 wins and a draw would be nice for me.

RichardG - I think its important for the Evans regime. There was a lot of negative at his appointment but now there is a not of optimism amongst (most of) the fans. If we could get at least 7 points from those 3 home games that could make the atmosphere electric again like the old days.

Nathan - Home form was the undoing for Steve Lovell. Had we had a few more of our wins at home last season, he might still be here. It does feel that the home form over the last 2-3 seasons has really taken the wind out of our sails as a club and a set of fans. Gillingham fans are fickle at the best of times but 5-6 wins a season out of 23 isn’t good enough – the home form surely is the club’s priority. That said, I’ll judge Evans after our first 10-12 homes games not three. However, a win against Burton would be a real statement of intent. We need to make Priestfield an uncomfortable visit for away teams - I never want to hear what Evans said about Posh being walking to ‘walk right through us’. Bolton with all their troubles will be an odd game.

Rob - Vitally important. If we win the first few, then we can really start to believe and get behind the team. Lose the first few and people will be thinking it is "same old Gillingham".

Neil - Yes the home form has been very poor for the past 3 seasons, I hope we can turn it around. Early wins will breed confidence.

RichardS - One things for sure If we are going to kick on our home form must improve significantly on last season. I'm going to predict it will!! SE will be acutely aware of this and see it as a target for sure. I would like to see us winning 2 of the first 3 to set the standard.

Shane - Home form will definitely be essential this season. There seems to have been a dark cloud hanging over Priestfield the past few seasons. Good home form will hopefully fill the stands a create a great atmosphere which has been lacking in the last few seasons.

Smithy - Given all the new players that we've bought in I think they're going to want to show the home fans what they're about and I think as a club we've got a lot to prove this season so I think it's really important that we get up and going quickly and put on some good performances.

Lewis - It will be important because of the home form from last year. Evans struggled at home at Peterborough too so winning a couple at home early will give a big boost to the side in terms of turning around last year’s form.

Gills In The Blood - I think it’s a massive thing, and something that certainly needs improving. Will certainly be interesting considering Evans home record at Posh prior to his departure wasn’t great either.

5. GILLINGHAM HAVE BEEN DRAWN AT HOME TO NEWPORT COUNTY IN THE LEAGUE CUP FIRST ROUND, WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON GILLINGHAM BEING DRAWN AT HOME TO NEWPORT COUNTY, AND DO YOU THINK GILLINGHAM CAN GO ON A DECENT CUP RUN IN THE LEAGUE CUP ???

Luke - We don't have a very good record in the League Cup and I can't see this year be any different.

Steven - I believe that a decent cup run will boosted the atmosphere of the Gills faithful.

BQGillsFan - A home tie against beatable opposition. Can't really ask for more than that. I can't imagine a cup run is something of focus to Evans this season and rightly so. It's all about the league right now.

Loonpotter - It’s an interesting first round.. lovely to be at home and with a good chance of going through also.

Simon - It was good to finally get a home draw and it will be nice to welcome Mike Flynn back to Priestfield. Newport have been a good cup side over the past couple of seasons so it won't be an easy game.  If we can beat them and then get favourable draws in the next rounds there's no reason why we can’t go on a cup run.

Stocky - The game is definitely winnable although Newport have good cup pedigree from previous seasons. The aim for domestic cups in my opinion is always to try and get through to the rounds where the big boys come in. It'll be good to welcome Mike Flynn back to Priestfield.

Dutch Gundersen - No view on Newport. Don't see us going on any sort of cup run, I'm afraid. Burscough lingers long in the memory.  

Gary - Newport , other than Flynn, have no real significance so will be just another hurdle in a competition we struggle in. That said, the first 4 home games are all very winnable and so too is this game. 5 home wins out of 5 would completely alter our season.

Mark -  We should win that. Early cup run is nice to build the positive spirit. We all enjoyed Watford right?

Gills Debate - Personally, I was hoping for a reasonably local away tie at a ground that I hadn’t been too before and wouldn’t be going to this season in league 1 – Somewhere like QPR, Brentford or Cambridge United. However, I think that, while the game won’t be easy by any stretch of the imagination, it does give us a decent chance of progression to the 2nd round, and the match will of course see the return of Michael Flynn to Priestfield. I don’t see any reason why we can’t go on a decent cup run this season in at least one of the Carabao Cup or the FA Cup game, and if we could have another game like the ones against Cardiff City and Watford in recent years, then that would be great!

Matthew - I think it will be a game were we can win. I do hope we have a good cup run this year but we have to focus on the league as well.

RichardG - Gills either do awful or fairly decent so could go either way, who knows!

Nathan - Of course, it will be good to give a warm welcome to Micky Flynn back at Priestfield but I can’t say I’m particularly excited by the prospect of a run in the League Cup! I’ll probably go along but for me, it’s always League first, FA Cup second and everything else a distant third.

Rob - Newport will be an interesting game against Michael Flynn's side with Mark Byrne having played for the opposition too. A good cup run is important although I'd rather it in the FA Cup!

Neil - That’s a good draw. At home for a change, and on paper should beat Newport, but it’s never easy.

RichardS - Always tricky but I expect us to win comfortably. That's probably the kiss of death if there ever was one.

Shane - I enjoy cup football. I think the draw against Newport gives us a good opportunity to go a little further in the cup. A nice little run could fund additional players in the second half of the season.

Smithy - I think Newport is a good first round tie, at home as well so I think that could be a good match. Potentially we've got a strong team so I can't see why we can't go on a bit of a run.

Lewis - I like Newport so it’s pretty cool, although I’d have preferred it to be away. It’s a tie we should win, which could set up a nice cup run, so we’ll see where it goes.

Gills In The Blood - As with every year, it would be nice to navigate the first round or two and then potentially play one of the bigger sides, and if that happens then happy days. Newport will be tough though.

6. WHICH PLAYER FROM LAST SEASON’S SQUAD CAN YOU SEE HAVING A MAGNIFICENT SEASON FOR GILLINGHAM DURING THE 2019 / 2020 SEASON ???

Luke - Can see Hanlan being the main front man this season. He finished last season so strongly, I'm hoping he can push on now and get 15+ goals this season.

Steven - I can see Hanlan and RCC improve a lot this season.

BQGillsFan - Is Hanlan too obvious an answer? For the sake of diversity (as I imagine a lot of people will say Hanlan), I'll go with Max Ehmer. He wasn't at his best last year but towards the end of the season he massively picked up when partnered with a ball playing CB in Ogilvie. If he continues a similar partnership with either Ogilvie or Alfie Jones then I expect Max to have a very strong season as the main leader in the team. Otherwise he'll likely lose his spot to Zakuani once Gabs has recovered.

Loonpotter - Elliot List and Hanlan, I believe are going to smashhh it this season.

Simon - Judging on the latter half of last season I think Brandon Hanlan could have a very good campaign.

Stocky - I think Ogilvie will carry on his good form at centre back and can see Hanlan tearing the league apart this year following the previous season with us. I feel we are lucky with some of the players that have been there a while with the effort they give such as Max and Byrner.

Dutch Gundersen -  Hanlan.

Gary - I think the new signings have stepped us up a gear and last year's squad will struggle. List was fantastic and anonymous in many games although Evans could get much more from him, particularly with a better formation. Hanlan would likely to be the player that steps up a gear given how he gained in maturity towards the end of last season. However, he needs to beef up and I fear his chances will be more limited this season with much stronger competition up front.

Mark - Magnificent is a strong word. It’s a huge year for List, Hanlan and RCC. Can they kick on or not ? List in particular needs to show consistency to match his potential.

Gills Debate - I’m going to go with Max Ehmer. I think that he has done a very good job for us since he first arrived on loan in 2014, but that other than in 2016-2017, he has often been playing alongside either John Egan or Gabriel Zakuani, who were probably considered the 1st choice defender in that partnership for the majority of the time. I think that this season, Ehmer is probably now our 1st choice in that area, and having been given the captain’s armband by Steve Evans, I think that he could really excel.

Matthew - I think Barry Fuller will have another fantastic season. The fans love him here and will never get on his back.

RichardG - Hanlan if he links up with Mandron well. If he scores a few in the first few games that could do his confident the world of good. You could also change Hanlan for List.

Nathan - I’d love to see a brilliant defensive partnership between Ogilvie and Ehmer but I’m crossing my fingers more for Brandon Hanlan. He kept getting better last season and I think that no longer being under Eaves shadow will be a good opportunity to show us what he can do.

Rob - Brandon Hanlan. I think this could be a good season for him. When not stuck out wide, he really found his shooting boots towards the end of last season and I feel we could be getting around 15 goals from him this time.  

Neil - Charles-Cook has featured in a lot of friendlies and I think he could kick on this season with more goals and assists.

RichardS - I'm going to plump for Brandon Hanlon. Has great potential and will be a popular bet for top scorer.

Shane - I think Hanlan will have a good season. Towards the end of last season he was performing well. The only disadvantage is I believe he is out of contact at the end of the season, so if he does have a good season we could end up losing him.

Smithy - Hanlan I think could have a good season if he pushes on and I think he's got good competition this year which could help his progress. I also think this could be a good year for Garmston if he can stay fit.

Lewis - With Tom Eaves gone, I think I a lot of people can agree it’s Brandon Hanlan’s time to shine. He got nine last year and he’ll want to improve on that for sure, and I think he will. He’ll be vital. He and Max Ehmer, taking the captaincy, will be huge.

Gills In The Blood - I’m hopeful that Brandon Hanlan will continue on where he left off at the back end of last term and prove to be an accomplished, more consistent, striker at this level.

7. WITH TOM EAVES SIGNING FOR HULL CITY, WHO IN THE CURRENT SQUAD DO YOU THINK WILL BE GILLINGHAM’S TOP GOAL-SCORER AT THE END OF THE 2019 / 2020 SEASON ???

Luke - Again probably Hanlan. Mandron looks more like a target man and Ndjoli may well be used from the side rather than up front. List could probably chip in with a fair few also.

Steven - I believe Hanlan could be there.

BQGillsFan - It will likely be between Mandron, Hanlan or Jakubiak, depending on who gets the most game time in that central role. I imagine it will be Mandron getting the nod from Evans with Hanlan likely playing out wide more often than not. And I'll spice up my prediction by saying he'll get 16 league goals in 2019/20.

Loonpotter - I would say Ndjoli or Hanlan for top scorer..

Simon - I'll go for Brandan Hanlan again.  

Stocky - I think Hanlan will finish as our top scorer and that Mandron will chip in but will grab more assists than goals.

Dutch Gundersen - Hanlan.

Gary - If Ndjoli can get off to a good start he could have a good season. I think it will be a season where 3 or 4 players get close to 10 goals rather than than 1 getting 20.

Mark - Assuming we don’t sign someone then Hanlan.

Gills Debate - This is a tough choice, as I feel that our forward options could be quite heavily rotated by Evans, and the likes of Ndjoli may be used both out wide, and as an out and out forward. My pick though is Brandon Hanlan. I think that he got better and better throughout the course of last season, and started to look like an accomplished striker at this level. I think that if he continues his improvement in the current campaign, then he could hit up to 15 goals this season, which I think may be enough to be our top scorer currently, as I think we may share the goals out a bit more, as opposed to having one player that gets 20+.

Matthew - This is a hard one for me  but I hope it is Mandron.

RichardG - I can see 2 getting 10ish in Hanlan and Mandron but not sure we'll get a 20 goal man yet...hoping to be surprised!

Nathan - As above, I hope it’s Brandon Hanlan. Of the new crop, they’re somewhat of an unknown quantity and unfortunately, I’m not one of these fans with an encyclopaedic knowledge of the lower leagues! Could Ndjoli surprise us, or even Mandron? Let’s see in May!

Rob - This is a tough one. I think Hanlan, Ndjoli, Mandron and the Watford guy will all get goals, perhaps around 10 each so it might be a close run thing. I doubt we'll see a 25 goal season from any of them but goals spread across the side.

Neil - I will go with Ndjoli but tough to know as we don’t know who will start up front yet. Mandron historically doesn’t score many, but he impressed me v Southend.

RichardS - Pure guess but I'll go for Mikael Mandron.

Shane - I believe Hanlan will score a few more goals than he did last season.

Smithy - I'd like Hanlan to come out on top of the goal scoring charts at the end of the season, but I think the goals are going to come from all over this season. Hard one to call for me.

Lewis - Definitely Hanlan. I believe he’ll kick on and net a few, leading the line and being the main man.

Gills In The Blood - Based on my answer to the above question, I’ll go with Hanlan, but I do think the goals will be spread around the squad a little more this season.

8. GILLINGHAM HAVE PLAYED AGAINST FAVERSHAM TOWN, DEAL TOWN, FOLKESTONE INVICTA, BEARSTED, DARTFORD, CHATHAM TOWN, CHARLTON ATHLETIC, MILLWALL, DOVER ATHLETIC, SOUTHEND UNITED, SHEPPEY UNITED AND WELLING UNITED IN PRE-SEASON - HOW WOULD YOU SUM UP GILLINGHAM’S PRE-SEASON SCHEDULE, AND FROM THE MATCHES YOU HAVE BEEN TO, HAVE THESE MATCHES GIVEN YOU MORE CONFIDENCE HEADING INTO THE 2019 / 2020 SEASON ???

Luke - Only been to the Dover game and we weren't particularly good in that match. If we play like that for the rest of the season then I will be very concerned.

Steven - Pre season has been very decent this season it improved the confidence of the team.

BQGillsFan - It's been a good balance of fitness focused and competitive focused matches in pre-season. Performances have been impressive for the most part, with a lot of the new signings putting in good displays. Overall a positive pre-season for Gillingham.

Loonpotter - I've been given a lot of confidence going into the season... it's all been about fitness but I've seen some really good play as well.

Simon - Never ever ever judge a team from pre season friendlies!  I've been watching Gills since 1965 and good pre season results do not always indicate a good season!

Stocky - The only away pre- season game I went to was Faversham where the class was evident and it was more about getting minutes in the legs. Having attended the home fixtures, I thought we played well in periods although there were flat moments (as to be expected being pre-season) The formation looks interesting and attacking with it appearing that Evans wants us to press from the front. I'm confident we will have a good season based on what I've seen so far.

Dutch Gundersen - Some decent games for once, a genuine warm up. Not interested in the Welling score - was a v young team. Not been to any of the games.

Gary - I haven't seen any of these games.

Mark -  Not been to a single Gills game. This summer i focussed on the Bundesliga. Five stadiums visited and i also went to see Hamburg SV in the second division. Over 45000 and non stop backing from fans. loved it. Reminded me of why I first fell in love with football. I know the atmosphere at Gills will disappoint me after HSV. I Also did the stadium tour at Dortmund. 35000 on a terrace and 87000 total. I love german football.

Gills Debate - I do think that a fairly big part of pre-season is about building fitness, about trying out different combinations, and about seeing what seems to work and what doesn’t, so I don’t want to read too much into any positives/negatives from the performances but I’ve been pretty happy with what I’ve seen overall in pre-season. I quite enjoy some of the games against some of the local Kent sides, but I was also pleased to see that Evans added the games against Charlton, Millwall, and Southend to test ourselves against opponents that are Championship/League 1 quality, and I thought that the performance against Charlton was very good.  

Matthew - They have been good to get to know the players. As I only went to the home games it was nice to see them all play as a team at Prestfield.  

RichardG - I haven't been to any pre-season games as not local but think pre-season has been ok. True test comes 1st day of season.

Nathan - Having only seen us against Faversham, there’ll be people far more qualified than me to tell us how we’ve looked over the pre-season. At the end of the day, you want to finish pre-season without injuries, with some wins under your belt and knowing as a manager who your best 11 are. We had some good run outs against better opposition (Millwall, Charlton) but also lots of opportunity for Evans and Raynor to see the young players. I live more in hope than anticipation, but I don’t think anyone can say this pre-season hasn’t been a good one. I think a few people seemed to be concerned about our performance against Dover and Southend, but it doesn’t worry me too much. It’s what happens on 3 August that matters.  

Rob - We've played a lot of games! Playing double headers is an interesting idea and I'm glad the U23 games haven't been at the same time as the senior ones.

Neil - An odd schedule with games in consecutive days, and the heatwave made it very difficult for the matches at Dover and v Southend. I hope the players haven’t been overloaded, but it’s very scientific nowadays and they analyse the minutes played and distance run etc.

RichardS - Very hard to tell and I always feel pre-season is not an indication of what the season will bring. We've done ok and it has been good to give younger players a run out.

Shane - I haven't been to any preseason games. From what I have read and heard it has been a promising pre season. But it is always hard to judge because in previous seasons I have been optimistic and the season hasn't gone well. But thats the life of a gillsfan.

Smithy -  We've had a good mix of pre-season friendlies this year with some good results. I think its been largely successful, especially in terms of seeing some of the younger players and thinking maybe a couple could be seen around some match days this year.

Lewis - It was ok. I’m sure Evans learnt a lot about his squad. We had a few meh results against the likes of Dover and Millwall but it was productive and plenty of players got minutes in legs which is the main thing. They’ve given me confidence because we played more than we usually would, which will have allowed the side to gel and learn each other’s game. That’ll be important with a lot of incomings.

Gills In The Blood - I’ve only been to what would be classed as first team fixtures over the summer and I’ve been impressed on the whole. The stand out was the Charlton victory, who weren’t far from full strength. Dover was a little underwhelming but was our third game in four days.

9. JOE WALSH, JACK TUCKER, BEN ALLEN AND ROMAN CAMPBELL HAVE ALL BEEN GIVEN OPPORTUNITIES TO PLAY FOR GILLINGHAM’S FIRST TEAM IN PRE-SEASON, WHICH YOUNG PLAYER CAN YOU SEE BREAKING INTO GILLINGHAM’S FIRST TEAM THIS SEASON ???

Luke - Really like the look of Jack Tucker at centre back and with Zakuani being out injured for longer than first expected, I think he could have a chance of breaking in. Think Joe Walsh could play in the Checkapaint Vans Windscreen Trophy so hopefully he can impress in those games too.

Steven - I can see Ben Allen breaking into the mould.

BQGillsFan - Walsh and Allen looked rather impressive in their pre-season outings, but I imagine they'll both only really get opportunities in cup games this year. Walsh will be back up to Bonham, whilst Allen is up against a very stacked midfield in order to make it into the first team. League game time likely going to be sporadic at best for the two of them.  

Loonpotter - Ben Allen or Jack Tucker.

Simon - Probably Jack Tucker.

Stocky - I think due to the lack of wingers currently and his excellent performance against Millwall that Ben Allen seems the most likely and he certainly looks an interesting prospect. I feel Walsh will be sub keeper only, Tucker is 4th choice but has impressed when I've seen him play and can't really see Campbell featuring much.

Dutch Gundersen - I tip Noel Mbo every year, but can't now. The outstanding youngster is likely to be Barry Fuller. ;-)

Gary - Henry Woods. He looked very exciting in preseason last season and has had opportunities this season also. Evans appears to have given his first team game time so perhaps he could make that break although there are an awful lot of players to shift out the way first!

Mark - None of them but the keeper sounds like a prospect.

Gills Debate - I think that Joe Walsh will be our 2nd choice GK this season, so should be involved in the matchday squad on a very regular basis. I was impressed with how he played in the friendly against Millwall, and I expect that he’ll be given opportunities to play in the Checkatrade Trophy / Kent Senior Cup, which will hopefully give him the chance to show us what he is made of. I think that the other young player that is probably closest to pushing for a role in the matchday squad for our league games is Jack Tucker, as with Zakuani currently unfortunately injured, he is our 4th choice centre-back. I think that he’s another player with a lot of potential, and hopefully he’ll continue to get better over the course of the next 9 months or so.

Matthew - I think Ben Allen has been the star of the young group. But we will have to see if he has a part to play this season.

RichardG - Potentially Ben Allen, especially if we don’t sign any more wingers.  

Nathan - I thought Jack Tucker looked good when I saw him play in the second half against Faversham but Evans and Raynor have been talking very highly of Ben Allen. In those positions, there is already competition for places, so I imagine we’d see few sub appearances from them unless we (God forbid) see a few injuries.

Rob - Tucker. Walsh will be in the most match day squads by being the backup keeper, but I feel Tucker could make it this year. With Zakuani out for so long and, I believe, on the verge of retirement, Tucker is the 4th choice centre back and may well feature in a fair number of games. Evans seems to rate him highly.

Neil - Well Walsh will be on the bench as reserve keeper, and I think Tucker could be involved too, with Zak’s injury giving him an opportunity. Campbell and Allen could play in the Football League Trophy and Kent Senior Cup.

RichardS - I said the same last season and it didn't quite materialise but I'm sticking with Jack Tucker. Will be decent given an opportunity I'm sure.

Shane - I have heard good things about those players. It would be good to see them given an opportunity in the first team. It is the only way they will properly learn the trade and gain vital experience.

Smithy - I was surprised we haven't signed a back-up keeper as yet, but I think taking a risk with Joe Walsh could pay off. I can't see him breaking into the squad just yet however. Jack Tucker on the other hand I think could be used a bit here and there if needed.

Lewis - I’m not sure if any will break in permanently but I’ve been impressed with them all. Jack Tucker has been excellent the most for me, he’s not looked at all out of place in the back four when featuring and I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a few minutes this term.

Gills In The Blood - I’ve been impressed with Tucker for a couple of years now so I’ll stick my neck out and say him. Seems to certainly have all the tools to progress into an accomplished ball playing centre back.

10. GILLINGHAM TRAVEL TO DONCASTER ROVERS ON THE OPENING DAY OF THE SEASON, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR STARTING LINE UP (YOU CAN NAME THE BENCH IF YOU WANT TO NAME THE SUBS), AND WHAT FORMATION WOULD YOU PICK FOR SATURDAY’S MATCH ???

Luke - Will base it on the shape Evans has been playing so far as the 4-2-3-1 so the following:

Bonham

Fuller Ehmer Ogilvie Garmston

O'Keefe & Cisse

Marshall RCC List

Hanlan

Subs: Walsh, A.Jones, Hodson, Byrne Willock, Ndjoli, Mandron.

Steven - Bonham Hodson Ehmer Jones Fuller Byrne Willock RCC List Mandron Hanlan - 4.3.3.

BQGillsFan - 4-3-3 Formation: Bonham // Fuller - Ehmer -  Jones -  Ogilvie // O'Keefe (C) -  Cisse // Hanlan - Charles Cook -  Marshall // Mandron // Walsh, Hodson, Garmston, Byrne, Willock, List, Jakubiak.

Really struggled to leave out Ndjoli but someone had to drop out of him or Jakubiak

Loonpotter - Bonham

Hodson

Ehmer

Jones

Fuller

Cisse

O’keefe

Willock

List

Hanlan

Ndjoli

Simon - I've no idea how Steve Evans wants the team to play yet and I haven't seen enough of them to decide what the best line up would be, I'll leave it to Mr Evans.

Stocky -

Bonham

Fuller Ehmer Ogilvie Garmston

OKeefe Cisse

Hanlan Willock RCC

Mandron

Bench- Walsh, Hodson, Jones, Byrne, Ndjoli, Marshall, Jakuniak

Dutch Gundersen - 4 4 2 probably with a goalkeeper behind the defence. Not sure of the line up, not sure who is fully match fit etc.

Gary - Without seeing them it is hard but I would go 4-2-3-1:

Bonham

Hodson / Ehmer / Jones / Ogilvie

O'Keefe / Cisse

List / Willock (or Mandron) / Marshall

Ndjoli.

Mark - I'll leave that to Evans.

Gills Debate - (4-2-3-1) – Bonham, Fuller, Ehmer, Jones, Garmston, O’Keefe, Cisse, Marshall, Charles-Cook, Ndjoli, Mandron.

Subs: Walsh, Hodson, Ogilvie, Willock, Byrne, List, Hanlan

After tipping Hanlan to be our top scorer, I don’t really want to leave him out of my starting 11 for the opening game, but I do think that Mandron probably deserves the chance to start after a good showing against Millwall, and a very impressive performance against Southend in my opinion.

Matthew - I would pick 433 formation. I would go with Bonham, Garmston, Ehmer, Ogilvie, Fuller, O’Keefe, Willock, Charles Cook, Marshall, Mandron, Harlan. That is mine.

RichardG - Bonham, Hodson, Ehmer, Ogilvie, Fuller, O'Keefe, Cisse, Charles-Cook, Marshall, List, Mandron.

Nathan - Bonham, Hodson Ehmer Ogilvie, Garmston and in front of them Cisse and O'Keefe and then Willock. Up top Ndjoli, Hanlan and List. That said I can see Marshall over List or Mandron being in there too. Evans and Raynor have a few big calls to make!

Rob - 4-3-3. Bonham; Hodson, Ehmer, Jones, Garmston; O'Keefe, Cissé, Byrne; Ndjoli, Hanlan, List 10 continued) But really I don't think there's many places that are nailed down. There's plenty of options up front in a variety of positions as well as in midfield.

Neil - 4-2-3-1 formation: Bonham, Fuller, Ehmer, Ogilvie, Garmston, Cisse, O’Keefe, Ndjoli, Byrne, Cook, Mandron. Lots of different options for the front 4 players and I could see Hanlan / List start instead, not sure if Marshall and Jakubiak are ready yet tho. From what I’ve heard Willock isn’t travelling to Doncaster as he’s behind on fitness due to the virus he suffered with.

RichardS - Bonham, Fuller, Ogilvie, Ehmer, Hodson, Byrne, Cisse, Marshall, O,Keefe, Hanlan and Ndjoli. Subs. Mandron, Willock, Tucker, Garmston and Jakubiak. I'd start with a standard 4.4.2  with Marshall pushing on to move more 4.3.3 as the game progresses.

Shane - Bonham, Hodson, Ehmer, Ogilvie, Fuller, O'Keefe, Cisse, Byrne, Hanlan, Mandron, List

Smithy -  

Bonham

Hodson-Ehmer-Jones-Garmston

Marshall-O'Keefe-Cisse-Ndjoli

Charles-Cook

Mandron

Lewis - (4-2-3-1) Bonham - Hodson, Jones, Ogilvie, Garmston - O’Keefe (C), Cissé - Ndjoli, Charles-Cook, List - Hanlan. Subs: Walsh, Fuller, Ehmer, Willock, Byrne, Marshall, Mandron.

Gills In The Blood - I would play at  4-2-3-1 of Bonham, Fuller, Jones, Ehmer, Garmston, O’Keefe, Cissé, Ndjoli, Charles-Cook, List and Hanlan. My bench would be Walsh, Hodson, Ogilvie, Byrne,  Marshall, Jakubiak, Mandron,

11. WHERE DO YOU THINK GILLINGHAM WILL FINISH IN LEAGUE ONE FOR THE 2019 / 2020 SEASON ???

Luke - Somewhere in the top 24 I hope.

Steven - I believe that we can get 10th.

BQGillsFan - Don't say it... Don't say it... Don't say it................ Playoffs!!!

Loonpotter - I believe we'll finish between 6th and 10th..

Simon - I usually predict mid table, but I'll go top half just so 10th.

Stocky - 10th. I think we will challenge and have a good season but don't believe we have enough to creep into the playoffs at this time.

Dutch Gundersen -  14th.

Gary - I think we will have a good start (if Bury and Bolton compete), then tail off against the tougher teams before coming stronger and finishing 8th.

Mark - Just outside the playoffs. If we can win more at home then he’s done ok.

Gills Debate - In the top half, but not quite in the play-off positions – 9th/10th.  

Matthew - I think we will finish in the top half of the table this season. What I have seen in pre season is great.

RichardG - 13th - hoping for higher but underpromise overdeliver!

Nathan - I think if we can finish 10th and a handful of wins away from the last play off spot, we could say we’ve had a good season. Last seasons relegation battle was unbelievable with 10 or 11 teams in the mix until the last few weeks, let’s just stay clear of that!

What I’d like is for Gillingham to not spend February until May constantly looking over our shoulder and dependent on other results. League One gets tougher every year and I hope a few of our fans don’t get carried away with their expectations. Pushed for an actual prediction, I’d say 12th.

Rob - Dare I say playoffs? Probably and hopefully top half.

Neil - 10th place. If we sign a goalscorer then who knows, maybe higher.

RichardS - I said 16th last year and we hovered around that for much of the season.  Emm..I plump for 11th.  Hopefully I'm being cautious.

Shane - My heart says push for the play off places. Head says 11th.

Smithy -  7th-12th fairly comfortably. I don't think we'll find ourselves towards the bottom four this season. I think it has the potential to be a good season.

Lewis - I think top 10. I’m not sure if we’ll reach the play offs but it would be nice to not have to worry about the threat of relegation in the run in. We could push - maybe not the top three or four, but possibly the top 6. We’ll see, but I’m optimistic.

Gills In The Blood - I think we’ll be fine in terms of not worrying about relegation, but unless we can unearth a 20 goal striker - whether that’s by bringing one in or finding one within the squad - I think we may come up short in terms of the Play-Offs so I’ve gone for 9th place.

12. AND FINALLY, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WISH TO ADD (EXAMPLE: IS THERE SOMETHING I HAVE NOT COVERED IN THE ELEVEN QUESTIONS ASKED ABOVE YOU WANT TO EXPAND UPON) ???

Luke - Somebody needs to nail the E from The Rainham End back down as it's been sticking out for the past 18 months. Also I'm not fully on the Evans bandwagon just yet, personally still need a bit more convincing frankly.

Steven - Nothing To Add.

BQGillsFan - I know the appointment of Steve Evans divided a lot of fanbase, but for the next 9 months just focus on getting behind the boys wearing the shirt. There's nothing to be gained from looking for Evans or the team to fail. Don't boo the team or the manager if we lose a few games. Don't start chanting Evans out just because we don't win every game. Just get behind the team and who knows, maybe we can celebrate a surprising success come May.

Loonpotter - No further comments your honour..

Simon - Nothing To Add.

Stocky - Up The Gills.

Dutch Gundersen - Nothing To Add.

Gary - Nothing To Add.

Mark - Ha ha how did you avoid a question on Evans as manager? Scally has gambled big time. I agree with Evans appointment but suspect many will relish any failure.

Gills Debate -  Nothing To Add.

Matthew - No your questions have been great as always.

RichardG - Lots of criticism come in for Evans and I was not a fan of the appointment. However, he's brought some optimism to the club and something we've not seen for a while. Some credit for Scally too for backing him.

Nathan - One thing that has disappointed me in the last few seasons is how disrespectful some of our fans were about Steve Lovell, a club legend and Ady Pennock, a play-off final winner when things weren’t going well. When Steve Evans was linked with us, I was very much against and when it was made official, I was not ‘best pleased’, shall we say. The open Q&A with Evans and Raynor by the club was a master stroke and while by no means a full conversion, I left feeling very differently about the pair when I left than I did when I went in. I guess what I’m saying is, whoever is in the hotseat, let’s get behind them, get behind our players and each other as fans. And remember, it’s the hope that kills you. UTG.

Rob - I just hope Evans stays out of trouble this year. I know he's banned for the first few games but I hope that is all he misses. If he truly has changed character and stopped abusing officials and opposition staff then that's a positive sign. I'm yet to be convinced.

Neil - Up The Gills!!!

RichardS -  Nothing to add other than let's get behind the team this season home and away and enjoy the rollercoaster that inevitably comes with our wonderful club. Up the Gills...

Shane - Nothing To Add.

Smithy -  Up The Gills!!!!!

Lewis - Nothing to add, but thanks as always to Lee for asking me to participate in his blog again, and up the Gills!

Gills In The Blood - As always, thanks for the invite to get involved, and Up the Gills!!

Once again, thank you to everyone for participating in this blog, and if anyone who is reading this who wishes to participate in The Gillingham Supporters Blog throughout The 2019 / 2020 Season, then feel free to send me a message, and your more than welcome to participate in The Gillingham Supporters Blog, Hopefully, Gillingham can get off to the perfect start by picking up all three points against Doncaster Rovers in the opening match of the season - COME ON THE GILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jonahbjames]

when are we gonna talk about jonah's movie adventure in /post/156339807087/saintjimmys-i-mean-theres. when did this happen on his timeline. what did he go see. did this make him a bad boy. who are these other delinquents he went out with. how many people know about this scandalous excursion. ALSO: "although he has had a whole year in the REAL WORLD, it hasn’t been enough to catch him up on pop culture." what kind of pop culture has he been exposed to!!! jwoww's top ten fave movies go go go

1) that thread was Iconic2) WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW 

—

It was the last week in April, and Utah was finally starting to feel like Spring. Sunflowers were starting to sprout. There was some green to break up all of the brown. Colorful. 

Sixteen-year-old Jonah had recently started his new job at the grocery store in the neighboring town. Now finally of legal age to work, the eldest son knew it was his responsibility to help bring in money to support the family, especially with his father gone. Though the community had been kind in assisting them during this hardship, Jonah had six brothers and sisters, and they all needed to eat. 

This job would eventually, to Jonah’s surprise, bring him so much more than just a small, biweekly paycheck. It would bring him the gift of awareness. In just his first week alone, he was overwhelmed by the differences. 

The way people dressed. It was so improper. Disrespectful. People disrespected their bodies with tattoos and piercings. They wore the color red. Women wore jeans. They wore their hair down, or had even cut it short. Make-up accentuated their features. Exposed their necks, arms, and legs. Where were their long, conservative undergarments and pastel, feminine prairie skirts? Even in the warmer weather, it was always important to keep yourself covered. It reminded you of your commitment to the Lord. It was soft, feminine. Here, women wore bold colors with harsh sayings scrawled across the front. How were they allowed to do this?

It was like he had stepped into another dimension.

There was always music playing in the store: very modern. Jonah hadn’t been allowed to play music at home–if they listened to anything, it was usually recorded sermons—but before long, the boy found himself humming along to the tunes. They were always so catchy. Easy to learn. He liked the ones with heavy drums or bass, a steady beat that would guide him through the song, but loud, aggressive music like that didn’t come on too often.He was quietly rocking out to The Rolling Stones while stacking cans of tomato paste in aisle three when one of his coworkers came over to him. Jonah was the youngest one there by at least two years, but he had taken a liking to all of his fellow employees. They were all so fascinating. He loved to listen to them talk and tell stories, and the funny thing about people is that they love to hear themselves speak, so they grew fond of the boy quite easily.  

“Hey, Jonah. We’re all going to see the new Avengers movie tomorrow night. Do you want to come?”

He paused. “I’m sorry, what?”

A movie. But films and modern television were forbidden. There wasn’t even a cinema in their town. Such things rotted the soul and led to immoral actions, like corruption and forgetting to pray. Deprivation brought one closer to God. He knew all of this. But the more his coworker talked about it, the more he wanted to go. The more he needed to find out what it was like. And was it really so wrong if no one found out? So, he enlisted a little help. 

Enter: Matthew. A fellow teenage boy from the community. Best friend and partner in crime, enabler of all things delinquent. Picture messy blonde hair, a crooked smile, and a few inches taller.

“Matt, we have to go see that movie.”

If anything, the boy gave him an alibi. When asked, he could just say he had been out with Matt. Nothing out of the ordinary. Only this would be so much more than ordinary. 

Twenty-four hours of excited jitters later, the next night rolled around. When they made it to the theater, he saw the poster and stopped. This was it. 

He didn’t really know what to expect going in, but the film was everything he thought it would be and more: action, suspense, cool special effects. This experience would later lead him to gravitate towards anything exciting with a simple plot and little character development (think big booms).

After the movie ended, they drove back into town as though everything was normal, but something in him changed. The new experience, partnered with the adrenaline of doing something against the rules, electrified him in a way he could have never imagined. It awoke something in him. (He would remember this feeling later, while hopping over a fence at 11 o’clock at night to do something even more forbidden.)

Since that night, he hasn’t even seen ten movies, but the itch to experience has yet to be scratched. After his conversation with movie-buff Jimmy, he hopes that the knowledgeable brunette can share more films with him so he can continue his journey of being fully-integrated into this new society. (Starting with Shrek 2).

[biofunmy]

‘Friends’ Is Turning 25. Here’s Why We Can’t Stop Watching it.

Once upon a time, we made do with less television. Three broadcast networks dominated everything. (Channels weren’t flipped so much as triangulated.) We had a local public station and whatever oldies a UHF signal could tune in. Now? Now, we romanticize our cable-assisted, internet-borne so-called golden age and carp about the galactic girth of the streaming era. Somebody even lent the girth a fretful name: “peak TV” — the “money can’t buy happiness” of screen life.

In retrospect, less television has come to imply lesser — by volume, by value, by verisimilitude. But what was “Friends” lesser than? There are 236 episodes of it, merely one fewer than a combined tally of “Game of Thrones,” “House of Cards,” and “Orange Is the New Black.” Most of those episodes are perfect as tidy comedies. Maybe it’s hard to think of “Friends” as perfect, let alone as great, because it looked easy.

Most “old TV” looked easy — even when characters broke up, bled and died. That’s because, even when they did, they were obviously not in a movie. TV now is the movies, so we love it more. We believe it more. For its entire existence, the American sitcom was anti-cinematic, beholden to the demands of advertisers.

Before there was too much TV, there was simply a lot, including a lot of NBC’s “Friends.” Think about the effort required to make about 24 episodes in a nine-month season (certain scripted shows somehow made more). This was impossible work that we at home took for granted. A network like NBC could turn “granted” into “mandatory” with maximal FOMO threat. “Let’s all be there,” it demanded in the 1980s. A decade later, we had to be there for “Must See TV.” Technologically, it was an uncertain age. If you missed an episode, who knew when you’d be able to catch it again?

“Friends” was easy TV at an elite level. So many jokes, so much body comedy, so many surprises and awwws, and squeals of live-studio audience excitement. Hairdressers were doing — and not infrequently botching — the Rachel. Coffee shops became people’s second homes. Tens of millions of Americans watched all of that writing and directing and acting, all of that seemingly effortless effort, for all 10 of its years. That work and a country’s devotion to it feels like proof of a golden age of something.

Familiarity is the magnet of every decent American sitcom. The “com” can’t compete alone and neither can the “sit,” even though, together, they’re obviously quite the sandwich. But the many nights I’ve spent recumbent on my sofa laughing at, say, Ross and Phoebe debating evolution, or Phoebe, Joey and Ross impersonating Chandler, or Chandler blanching at Monica’s desperate new cornrows or Rachel taking forever to tell somebody who the father of her baby is — those nights have never really been about the situation comedy of “Friends.” They’ve only ever been about us — me and these six people — and my apparently enduring need to know what they’re up to and how they are, even though I’ve known for 25 years.

“Friends” debuted on NBC in the fall of 1994, ran for an entire decade, typically had around 25 to 30 million viewers a week (sometimes many more) and now airs in Nickelodeon’s Nick @ Nite block, which my cable conglomerate has stationed near the top of the channel pyramid. That means if you’re a chronologist like me, the five-channel trip from NY1 — past the local news, TNT and “The Simpsons” — always terminates at Chandler, Joey, Monica, Phoebe, Rachel and Ross. Laziness is a factor. (Do you use the number keys on your remote? I’ll bet you don’t even have a remote at this point.)

But, really, it’s simplicity. “Friends” actually is enormously easy to watch. “The genius of “Seinfeld” (and “The Simpsons,” too) has everything to do with the “com” arising from the “sit.” What trouble will Jerry and the gang instigate? Whether you’re watching an episode for the first time or the 27th, the inciting premise is a major element of the pleasure. The premise of “Friends” is the friends.

Of course, the friends started out with a touch of the Jerrys. They, too, were a white cohort living in New York City (the West Village rather than Seinfeld’s Upper West Side). And many an early episode involved defending social etiquette (“Those are not the rules!” Ross barks at a foe in a laundromat) and trying out twisted dating schemes (Monica and Joey try to bust up a couple in order to have the newly single partners for themselves). But on “Seinfeld,” the city and the characters’ righteous belief in their own norms spurred them on to increasingly lunatic misanthropy. They were anti-socialites.

Not so on “Friends.” Matters of behavior and economic inequality only seemed to bring them together. Take the show’s 29th episode. Everybody goes out for a nice dinner to celebrate Monica’s promotion, and Phoebe, Joey and Rachel order the cheapest items on the menu, then balk at evenly dividing the bill. Income turns those three against the other three, until Monica loses her job and Joey valiantly offers to pay for her $4 coffee — with Chandler’s money. The theme song didn’t lie: They really were there for each other, punch lines and all. That thereness was the show’s intangible hook. The writers could engineer plots for the directors to orchestrate. But these six actors working together, on anything, on nothing — it was the highlight of many a person’s week. That thereness was phenomenally elastic, too. These were six people who could snipe at one another, who could fight and lie and practice what we’d now call radical honesty yet keep so many secrets, who can break up (many times, in many ways) but, as a sextet, keep snapping back together. I like them that way, as half a dozen. I like them in tandems and trios, as human math problems, as chemistry experiments. Maybe 10 times I’ve watched Chandler, Joey and Monica break down and confess to the other three that, yes, Chandler did pee on Monica’s jellyfish sting.

I don’t know how many takes that sequence took or how much caffeine was consumed. But it’s never less than a marvel of harmonized hysterics. That kind of exclamatory, high-energy comedy could happen in any configuration of the cast because it was the best such collection in the history of television. Other hall-of-fame comedies, like “The Mary Tyler Moore Show” and “Cheers,” had wits and jesters and clowns mixed in among the goody-goodies and grumps. Some, like “All in the Family” and the first few seasons of “Designing Women,” were all zingers, personality and delivery before the whole thing went to schtick. A few permanently watchable jewels like “The Golden Girls” and “Frasier” sneaked in a combo platter of slapstick, vinegar and fuzzies. But the proportions were bigger on “Friends.” They went for more, more often, and rarely missed.

For one thing, the actors had more to play with. The “Friends” friends started out as types. Rachel was a princess, Monica a control freak, Joey a dumb actor. But the types kept recombining.

Ross seemed like a geek because his paleontology was frequently mocked and there’s something gluey in the music of David Schwimmer’s whine. But Ross was sad, needy, insecure, quick to anger — dark, basically — and built like a jock. Phoebe evolved rapidly from hippie naïf to schemer, dreamer, peacekeeper, and pot-stirrer. In another era, she’d have been the “Three’s Company”-era Suzanne Somers of the bunch, a hapless bombshell. But Lisa Kudrow, with her akimbo intelligence, brought the part in sideways. Not far into the show’s run, actually, some of the six are watching TV and Chandler, in Matthew Perry’s contagious sardonic snark, says “I think this is the episode of ‘Three’s Company’ where’s there’s some kind of misunderstanding.”

“Then I’ve already seen this,” Phoebe snaps and turns off the TV.

“Friends” could easily have been “Three’s Company,” where “sit” and “com” strained credibility. Chandler was so frequently presumed gay that he could have been Jack Tripper, the faux-mosexual from the other show. And Matt LeBlanc played Joey like Somers but by way of Tony Danza. That probably would have made Courteney Cox the Joyce DeWitt of “Friends” — neutrally sane. For a few episodes at least, Cox, as Monica, seemed meant as the crux of the pack. Monica was Ross’s sister. Rachel was an old high-school friend who became her roommate.

But halfway through Season 1, it was clear this boat had no captain, just a lot of oars. And the rowing Cox did has never received its due. She wasn’t as rubbery a funny person as Perry and Schwimmer or as radiant and tangy in her approach to comedy as Jennifer Aniston was as Rachel. She couldn’t physicalize sarcasm and shock with as much cursive and calculus as the other five. But athletic gumption launched Monica entirely beyond classification.

I mean, I guess her type was Type A. Monica made the most psychological sense, as a former fat person who’s holding on to whatever it took to shed the weight and keep it off. We can shake our heads now at the idea of the show’s laughing at her size through the fat suit Cox wears in flashbacks. These flashbacks also explain why she seemed to think everything was grist for competition, why winning and losing mattered so much to her, why control was so important. And Monica lost so much control, so much cool, so much coolness. Each actor managed to do a lot with intensity, but Cox made it a state of Monica’s mind.

People now ding “Friends” for all kinds of offenses — regarding homosexuality, mental health, race, interracial dating, ethnicity. (Here’s pregnant Rachel, exasperated by the surfeit of gift diapers at her shower: “What are we feeding this baby — Indian food?”) “Friends”-as-problematic disserves the show’s complex relationship to those issues. Sometimes it winked at them. Monica did a lot of winking, especially under a spell of casual blackness. Her cornrows and Chandler’s disdain for them were one thing. My favorite, though, is the time she comes down with a cold but refuses to give up on sex with Chandler. He’d rather not. She comes at him anyway, in a bathrobe as plush and scarlet as a Muppet, full of mucus and the R&B of Guy. “Are you saying,” she asks, thrusting her body at her man, “that you don’t wanna. Git. With. This?” It’s peak Monica: addicted to victory, unlimitedly white.

There’s a way to watch “Friends” so that its very whiteness — and the associated entitlement — is the problem. That magical casting configuration probably couldn’t happen now without considerable umbrage — umbrage I’d understand. For a great while during “Friends”-mania, Eriq La Salle, of “ER,” was just about the biggest star on a smash-hit show who wasn’t white. “Friends” gave you white people who leave infants on city buses without consequence, who only rarely face a challenge to their permanent spot at Central Perk (for many years, a “reserved” card rested on the coffee table). But I’m not sure this was the show to do the labor, to open those doors with the same alacrity.

“Friends” could never have had, say, Joey drop by a black party in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn and tell Chandler how strange or exhilarating an experience it was without it also becoming a Very Special Episode. For some of its run, “Friends” aired opposite “Living Single,” on Fox, a good, “Friends”-ish show that was also the black party. As it is, Ross and Joey did date nonwhite women without their race being even a point of interest in the 1990s and 2000s, and even if that seems willfully naïve, it actually did feel special.

“Friends” made most of its social bets on gender differences, the way men get away with being chauvinists and lust buckets and layabouts, and the women have to pick up the slack. But tweaking the stereotypes became a meaningful staple of the show. Once, the girls’ failure to know the boys as well as the boys knew them cost Monica and Rachel their apartment. To be fair: Do you know what Chandler does for a living? Nonetheless, their place suddenly belongs to Joey and Chandler. It remains a shocking turn of events. I watched the early years of this show with roommates in the dorm of a college where bad housing could ruin friendships. I wasn’t watching a comedy that night. I was watching a cautionary tale. The show knew our loyalties were with the women and that Monica might not survive making breakfast in a man cave. So it refused to shake the Etch A Sketch. She unleashes a scream of “no” fit for no sitcom. It belonged in “Hamlet.”

“Friends” left prime-time television in 2004, just as the culture began to distrust meaningful inter-gender adventure. Its offspring — “How I Met Your Mother,” “The Big Bang Theory” “The Mindy Project,” “New Girl,” the short-lived masterpiece of repartee “Happy Endings” — did their best. But “Sex and the City,” which hit HBO in 1998, and the movies that sprang from Judd Apatow’s laugh factory would so convincingly relocate the sexes into ladies’ nights and boys’ clubs that the culture never quite came to reinvest in the coed comforts of a Central Perk.

“Friends” wasn’t a fantasy during its original run. But I can see why so many people who weren’t alive the first time around have devoured the show on cable and streaming like it’s a tub of ice cream. (I know of a 10-year-old as “Friends” conversant as I am.) There are no sexual threats, just Monica, her robe and her cold; just a vengeful guest star, in Julia Roberts, stranding Chandler in a pair of her underwear as comeuppance for a preadolescent prank; just a last-run of Rubik’s Cube hookups and occasionally vaguely funny lechery. Otherwise, the show was an oasis: adult women hanging out with adult men, with no monsters to fear, run from or prosecute. That could explain why droves of us are addicted to it. Sure, it’s excellent Easy TV — funnier, dirtier and more audacious than you heard it was, than you remember it being. But maybe, now, “Friends” is a fantasy. If you’re looking to restore some thereness to your life, maybe it’s more than must-see TV. Maybe it’s a clue.

Sahred From Source link Arts

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[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #8: “I’m Not Here To Have Small Talk With Anybody” - MJ

After Andrew was voted out, Sam, MJ, Matt, Connah, and Josh solidified their majority alliance.  Once Jessy won immunity they decided they were going to vote out Allison.  Jessy knew she didnt have the numbers and was trying to decide whether to use her Tatzelwurm as a vote steal or wait around and use it to exile herself.  She took the opportunity to use it as a vote steal to get her side the numbers.  They were planning on voting out Matt even though he had an idol because they felt like the move was unexpected.  Last minute they decided to change the vote to Sam but didnt tell Connor because they thought he might leak it.  The Sam's alliance was going to vote for Connor but switched back to Allison at Tribal.  Jessy stole MJs vote and the vote tied 4-4-0 between Sam and Allison.  Sam was taken out 4-3 on the revote.  After that the players were told there is an instant tribal and they have 5 minutes before voting someone else though.  With the sides now with 4 numbers on each side they ended up tying the vote between Connah and Scott.  With no one budging the other 6 players went to rocks and Matthew Summers was eliminated. And thats what you missed on Glee!

Old school will be old school. Not responding to messages to three+ days? Not cute. Stoping the half assed conversations a few hours before tribal? Not cute. Sticking with an alliance of six when it's a final two? Not cute. Josh is GOING to be 5th if he doesnt do something. They can pretend they arent working together all they want, but as far as I know, Andrew being voted out is the second merge vote, not first. I was the first merge vote. And MOST of this tribe did not vote me back into this game. Ironicly, almsot entirely the same six that just voted against one of my allies. Interesting. Pagoning isnt always based on tribal lines. Kiss my ass MJ. Unless you want to vote talk to me. Then i'll kiss yours. The good news about a 9 person vote and being in a minority 4 person alliance is that you only need one person to flip. The bad news is, the four person alliance is one of the people who just flipped. End my life, please and thank you.

when mj votes my ass out he better be ready for my wrath

omg original jinsei getting pagonged i'm over

anyways can we talk about how me? this flop? was the person to flip the vote around last minute and gather enough information and people to save mj? wig levitating into the milky way. a good round for me

i cant handle this im shutting down 

at the very least i can tie my Riau placement at 9th. okay real talk day by day i'm close to just laying down and just rot. i'm still playing the game but it's soooo mentally and emotionally exhausting

i think it's because i'm playing with such a high caliber of players (did i use the word right) is that i'm literally exhausted all the time. I mean, look at who're left in this merged tribe....most of them here have made FTC. I am playing the exact same game I played on Sumbawa on 703 where I was on the middle of every round but the difference is that I'm much more visible here. The trick worked once again and people have been supplying me with information without asking for it. I know how both "sides" are voting and both of them are coming to me asking for my vote. I'm in the middle and I'm not in immediate danger but I'm not happy about it. It's a shitty position to be in.

YO WTF I'M ONE OF THE OLDEST PERSON LEFT IN THIS GAME

Also, can we talk about how I'm 4/4 on making it to merge/jury?? How iconic am I for doing that, especially after retiring 2 years ago. There's a lot of 3 and 4 time players that flop, so to say I was able to do decently well all 4 times is something I'm proud of so if I go home this round (which i kinda see happening RIP) I can have my head up high about it

how to stop talking strategy with someone who’s annoying you 101: [2017-06-27, 4:55:00 PM] connor: what are you thinking??? [2017-06-27, 4:57:47 PM] Sam: to be completely honest, you haven’t come to me with the truth about a single vote so far and I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling you what I’m thinking right now because I don’t want to have my personal plans leaked. If you want to come to me with something I’m all ears  and I’m not gonna leak it but I don’t wanna sit here and feed you a bunch of bs for no reason

why cant this alliance just do what i say BSNSKSMKSKSMSMANNSKSKSKSKSK "I say we go for.. Josh" me: who said dat? These ppl arent telling me something BSJKSKSKSKSLSK also I can't fucking believe we're letting Matt slide by with an idol BKLMSDAFKLMSDLAMK And.. Connah is an undercover threat He's under the radar and has good relationships with everyone btw i couldn't help but cackle when connor and allison said josh and tried to convince me to do so. BKLMSDKLAFMSM i think there's some.. bad naicha blood b/c connor/allison/drew were all aligned Maybe.. Everything isn't as it seems. every1 is being so shady KLMBKLMASD can't even trust my goats they're not even goats if they don't agree w/ me KSJLSKLJ I think connah would be the one most willing to work with us if we got rid of others. He's willing to give me information. This sounded so funny god KLBMLKSDALKFMSDA He's willing to give me information. BKLMASFLKSKLDM #EveryoneHatesJosh KLBMSDKLAFSDKLAMKM god when josh didn't vote w/ us it was SOOO funny @ allison's reaction she was legit popping off

Whew!!! Can't wait for another last minute tribal council!! THis cast is so shady, like no one wants to talk about anything and its just... so uneasy. No one's come to me with a vote idea and I'm already in a lot of shit so I'm in no position to be like "oh well lets take this person out" or "this person should go" cause that was me last round and I can't make all the decisions for everyone here. Like if people wanna play this game, they need to make bold decisions and stand by them. As a member of the jury, I'm looking for big moves and half of this cast's moves are following the people making them. Which is... so disappointing. Like at least if i leave this round (which I'm pretty sure I am), at least I can say i TRIED to make moves  (ex. abducting Allison, getting Connor eliminated, trying to vote MJ out) so I can say I'm pretty proud for the way I played. I'm proud of being someone who TRIED to make moves as opposed to following the people who are making moves and making no effort to get them out. Anyways, I'm waiting for an opportunity to come my way and for someone to give me something to work with in this game. Jessy told me MJ has something up his sleeve, and I'm sure its "split the vote between Matt and Scott to get rid of Matt's idol" but who knows

connah: i envy your position me: shut the fuck up

me: i won't talk to anyone i dont feel like it today On 28/06/2017, at 8:37 AM, Sam wrote: > good morning! On 28/06/2017, at 6:57 AM, Jessy wrote: > hi!! On 28/06/2017, at 4:32 AM, connor wrote: > when you wake up do you want to call On 28/06/2017, at 1:27 AM, Scott wrote: > Hey

jessy has been very persistent about 'being closer now' and 'being tighter' and blah blah blah but like...... ok. i dont know about that sweety?

[10:04:57 PM] Jessy: Do you guys think Josh/Connah/MJ could be making us vote for Matt and they vote for one of us, so it's 4-3-2 and Matt is forced to play an idol on himself and the person they want goes [10:05:35 PM] connor: maybe but I don't think so

So of course at the last minute, shit gets real. Connor talked to both Connah and Josh about voting out Matt and they were both on board with it surprisingly. However, Connah wanted reassurance so I messaged him as was like "okay, so lets talk about this" We were on call for a bit and he seemed really willing to do it, I think he's just too afraid of the risks in this game. Which really would disappoint me if he didn't take the risk, cause like theres so many opportunities in this game to make moves and get to the end. By not taking the risk, you're just playing it safe. Jessy also revealed to me she has a vote steal she can use, so doing this can definitely help us all get to the next round of the game. Which it would be nice to not use it so that Jessy can advance herself more in the game with the escape tribal, however I'm pretty positive Connah may not flip so Jessy should just use it and we tie things up 4-4. I may be leaving tonight so for all I know this is my last confessional. Hoping for the best, and hoping that I'm not being lied to by Connah

Okay so when Connor asked the alliance group chat who we should vote I said Connah b/c it's least expected. ☺ Connor said he thinks Connah would work with us. Allison said she agreed and that "he'd be willing to give her information." ☺ They both then dropped Josh's name which was really suspicious. It was also really dumb to me, so I said we should just wait to decide until the internationals (Connah and Josh) are online to talk. ☺ I tried to talk to MJ about the vote and if he was flipping to me. He said he had a trick up his sleeve and he'd tell me about it before Tribal Council. ☺ I asked him if he was waiting for Connah to be online and he said yes. ☺ He also implied it could've been an item from the map. He posted "H" and I said, "is that what letter you guessed in and found something for?" He sent the wink emoji. ☺ I bonded with Scott a lot and told him about my Tatzelwurm for input. He immediately said he doesn't want me to use it just for him and if it benefits me I should keep it. ☺ Scott called Connor. He then told me Josh and Connah talked to Connor about voting for Matt. ☺ Scott then said he wanted to split between Matt and Sam so none of them are idoled. He also hashed out things with MJ. ☺ Connor then messaged the alliance chat saying Connah and Josh would be willing to vote with us if the target is Matt specifically. ☺ Before all this happened, Scott and I came up with a scenario where if all hope was lost, I'd give him the Obsidian Idol and he'd have an intense call with Sam and give her an idol because Connah/MJ/Josh were splitting with our alliance against herself and Matt. It was just a hypothetical and it died off once this plan started. ☺ Connor told us that Connah wanted assurrance from our alliance to vote for Matt and we obliged. Scott talked to him and Connah was really "nervous" and has to consider it. ☺ After the call between Scott and Connah, Scott told me Connah really wants to separate himself from MJ because a lot of people see him as a follower but he also has concerns because it's "too early to make a move." ☺ I then talked to Connah and he said he was really nervous and panicking. I asked him what I could do and he asked me to convince him. I then brought up good points about the plan if it worked. I stopped talking to him because Scott told me Connah needed an hour to think about it. He went on Away as his Skype status. ☺ Also, Connah told me MJ didn't know about the plan at all which is concerning because I thought they were really close. ☺ I talked to MJ and I asked him about the "trick in his sleeve" and he said "I'm suddenly wearing a tank top." So I guess that's done. ☺ Allison just came online and said Connah confirmed to her the plan. Scott is still waiting for confirmation. MJ is also back.

[lerin1024-blog]

Top 20 Movies (in my opinion) from Jan-June 2017, first half of the year!

1. GOLD - (Stephen Gaghan) Starring Matthew McConaughey. The release date of this was December 30, 2016. But, I couldn’t help but put this on my list. A true story of the biggest gold mining scam in history, with the mystery surrounding who was involved and who is actually still alive today. Very intriguing all the way through. Such a touchy subject to touch base on! The way McConaughey warps into each and every one of his characters is something so incredible and memorable. This is a must see.

2. MEAN DREAMS - (Nathan Morlando) Starring Bill Paxton, Sophie Nelisse, & Josh Wiggins

Bill Paxton’s last movie released after his unfortunate passing earlier this year. Mean Dreams was an adventure. Sophie & Josh worked so well together in this film, which is why it really worked so well for me. On a mission to run away from her father who is a dirty cop, this combination of young actors really ran away with the show! I hope to see them work together in a future film.

3. THE DISCOVERY - (Charlie McDowell) Starring Robert Redford, Jason Segel, & Rooney Mara

We all have questions of what happens when we die. Is there an afterlife, and if so...what is it like? The Discovery attempts to explain a scientific finding and I think it’s findings were pleasant enough to make me enjoy this movie, as well as shed a few tears. It’s moving and incapsulating...even sentimental to say the least. It never bored nor confused, as many movies will when this is the topic. Easily memorable with no frustrated questioning afterwards. Charlie McDowell also co-wrote this with Justin Lader. Two thumbs up guys. 

4. GIFTED - (Marc Webb) Starring Chris Evans, Mckenna Grace, & Jenny Slate

Raising a child prodigy isn’t easy. Especially when you are the uncle and your niece is so intellegent you would move the earth to help her, protect her, and keep her challened and safe. But what IS best for little Mary? I absolutley adored this movie and I know you will too. An emotional and heartfelt drama.

5. KING ARTHUR LEGEND OF THE SWORD (Guy Richie) Starring Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Astrid Berges-Frisbey & Eric Bana

Growing up in a sweltering city and brothels unknowing his own birthright brought this movie to life, as so many Arthurian movies have been made, this is my first look at one, and I was impressed. Very impressed with the way that Guy Richie made this action packed film. The sound effects and music were outstanding and really got it moving. Saw it twice, back to back. The sword coming out of the stone and wall like butter and Hunnam’s extrordinary acting abilities really made this truly the “one and only” Arthur movie, I believe. It opened my eyes to a whole other genre of films I’ve probably been missing!

6. THE SHACK - (Stuart Hazeldine) Starring Sam Worthington & Octavia Spencer

A story about a family tradgey, which leads a father to question his faith. This sends him on a mission to find answers. And answers he gets, and maybe even more than that. A kind of myseterious movie that surprises you mid-way through with picturesque beauty and underlying emotion. Tip: Grab a box of tissue and stay with it. You’ll be glad you did,

7. GET OUT - (Jordan Peele Writer & Director) Starring Daniel Kaluuya & Allison Williams 

I have never seen a movie quite like this before! Peele deserves much acknowledgement from this. During a trip to visit the parents of his girlfriend Rose, Chris is in for the shock and awe of his life. I don’t want to spoil anything here, but this is a must see and I wouldn’t necessarily consider this a “horror” film as it suggests, but certainly a strong thriller. Parts played by all were spot on and flowed well throughout this nail biter. OR should I say nightmare? (But in an entertaining way...) 

8. A DOGS PURPOSE - (Lasse Hallstrom) Starring Josh Gad & Dennis Quaid

A dog who is looking for his real purpose in life. He experiences his life and death reincarnated five times. A movie with so much soul, it is not easily forgotten. A nice one for the family to see together. It’s a tear-jerker for sure, but during the happy times as well as the sad. Josh Gad does a great voice for the dog in all the phases of his lives. A wonderful book to movie adaptation. 

9. BLACK BUTTERFLY - (Brian Goodman) Starring Antonio Banderas & Jonathan Rhys Meyers

“A Killer Story with a Twist”....Now who doesn’t love that type of movie! I know I do! This was a thrill to watch, more so because I didn’t read about it first, not even the cover. So, I was really happy with the storyline. I will admit, Meyers performance didn’t match up equally to Banderas, but that comes with eons of experience! Or, perhaps I just wasn’t use to the way he talks. Don’t get me wrong, this story was GREAT. Make sure you stay with it though. It also had the potential to be so many other things as well, but for what it was, I think it was a great watch and would recommend this to anyone!

BEAUTIFUL 10 - (Mark Pellington) Starring Shirley Maclaine & Amanda Seyfried 

Shirley does it again, and this should be in my number one spot, but this isn’t in any specific order. Harriet’s character was wonderful and powerful as Shirley’s characters always are...Strong, Independent, Wise, and Indifferent. This incredible movie teaches you to treat each day as a challenge to yourself. “Have an honest day”, Harriet will say. The risks she would take in her life would define her and she deeply wanted to be remembered, not forgotten. “Make mistakes because that’s living...” This was an honest movie, with a grest cast, storyline, music was SUPURB! And the vocabulary of basically every sentence written was perfect. Thank you Stuart Ross Fink! Many life learning messages throughout this movie, which I loved. It will not EVER be forgotten as one of the best movies I have ever seen.

11. EXTORTION - (Phil Volken) Starring Eion Bailey, Barkhad Abdi, & Danny Glover

A man in a desperate situation, without the time or the resources he needs to save his family while on vacation in another country. These things really happen, and in a world that can be uncertain at times, this movie really tuggs at the heartstrings for this man...and for the viewers! Brilliantly played by who I thought was Michael Fassbender...So sorry to Eion Bailey, who did a remarable job! I am one of your newest fans! Thriller for sure, so if you settle in with popcorn...get ready for one fast paced movie that will make time pass so fast, you won’t know it until it happens! I dare you to fall asleep during this! I’m so glad this is a nominee. Much respect.

12. THE SPACE BETWEEN US - (Peter Chelsom) Starring Asa Butterfield, Britt Robertson, Gary Oldman, & Carla Gugino

Men are from Mars & Women are from EARTH. That’s the story. But don’t be fooled by the online reviews by others. Yes, it’s a “coming-of-age” movie, but it certainly has a big spark inside of it’s whole. Born on the planet Mars, “Gardener” wants nothing but to go down to earth and live a normal life. This has consequences to his health, obviously. Undetermined, yet, even by the astronauts and medical staff astronauts, and life itself on earth...things seem pretty clear...until they aren’t. Upon finding out and missing out...the end of this movie was great...it didn’t leave me hanging (I hate that!). So, take a chance on this one and see it for yourself.

13. BRAIN ON FIRE - (Gerard Barrett) Starring Chloe Grace Moretz

She was a professional reporter, living her dream in the big city, when something goes unexplainably wrong within her. This a true story, so it stood out to me in a huge way. No spolier’s here. Although, it’s an amazing movie! So many people with this same undiagnosed conditioned have been saved because of this woman’s parents never giving up to find answers. Enough said.

14. THE LOST CITY OF Z - (James Gray) Starring Charlie Hunnam & Robert Pattinson

Based on a true “legend” of a story.... A persumed lost city in the Amazonian rain forest. British research and map explorer Persy Fawsett travels into the deep debths of the rainforest to find the truth. Is there another civilization? And if so, can he proove it? Can he even get back home alive, or at all? What is the sacrifice worth? Watch this stellar movie, which is at it’s best, although it may leave you to find the true meaning of it all for yourself.

15. I DONT FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE - (Macon Blair) Starring Melanie Lynskey & Elijah Wood

After a home invasion, Ruth shows the normalcy of how sometimes theres just nothing the police can do. Irritated with rude people, its clever that she enlists the help of her abnoxious neighbor, Tony to help her find her computer through her GPS laptop finder on her phone. This is a dark comedy, to me...I loved every part of it. But it also moves into the suspense catagory as well, making it even better. This is Sundance! Nice to see it got the Jury award this year. Much deserved.

16. HIDDEN FIGURES - (Theodore Melfi) Starring Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer & Janelle Monae...and Kevin Costner.

An untold true story of the launch of astronaut John Glenn into space. Back when African American women weren’t treated equally, these three brilliant woman’s minds go to work everyday at NASA and are the real (competent and confident) brains behind the whole operation. This story was powerful, and got much appreciation and respect from me and many others who have seen it. 

17. BEFORE I FALL - (Ry Russo-Young) Starring Zoey Deutch & Kian Lawley

How can the power of one single day have an impact on your whole life? Based on this best selling novel by Maria Maggenti. Sam seems to have the perfect life, but she wakes up living the same exact day over and over again, tring to change things and figure out what it all means. It’s a fun watch and the book is amazing! So, give this one a shot if you want to see something teenager-ish with big twists. I have a girl teen myself, and we enjoyed watching this together! It just had to make my “Top 20″.

18. COLOSSAL - (Nacho Vigalondo) Starring Anne Hathaway & Jason Sudeikis

Now this was just FUN. Not usually my style (Monster’s)... but this was the exception because of the story and the amazing cast. A Rivalry, between two friends happens to be a very dangerous one! I enjoyed not just the cast, but how grounded it was. An easy watch, and like I said...pretty fun, and quite original in itself. 

19. SPLIT - (M. Night Shyamalan Writer & Director) Starring James McAvoy

Split personalities come out to play around in a kidnapping of 3 teenage girls in this deep seated thriller. One they leave a surprise, although each and every one is played brilliantly by McAvoy and told in a clever way by Shyamalan. All of his movies are great, in my opinion with this one taking a top spot in my mind. I loved how darkly insanely crazy this was, watching each character emerge on screen. And just knowing that the final personality took over 15 years to create. Wow! 

20. LIFE - (Daniel Espinosa) Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, Rebecca Ferguson

On board the International Space Station, astronauts go on a mission to brig back proof if there is life on Mars. Extraterrestrial Life. And their findings proove to be very dangerous and life threating to everyone on board. Clever, and suspenseful, I would watch this one again. It’s interesting and the cast is great. There may or may not be a few twists! 

Honorable Mention: THE BELKO EXPERIMENT, where “Office Space” meets “Battle Royale”. A disturbing game insues inside of a huge titanium or crazy metal impenetrable building full of office workers. Very blood thirsty & a thriller that does have its twist, which of course, I’m all into. Not for everyone, thats for certain, but if you like “games” like these on the screen, this is a great new one to see! 

[allbecauseofhim]

own less; minimalism and the bible pt. 1

i’m going through this... time. i’ve felt this way for a long time now. if i’m being honest, i get really heated about it and it might come through as i write. towards the end, i’ll be sharing my personal journey through owning less. i pray that You, Dad, take ahold of this post and shine through it and it is not just merely my opinion.

so i’m going to make a bold statement: we undermine Jesus’ words. we make His words say what we want them to say, stick them in a perfect little box, and put a pretty little bow on top.  i wonder what would happen if when we actually opened our Bible and asked the Holy Spirit to help us understand, and then read His words and took His words literally, what would happen. what if we actually lived a live where we took Jesus’s commands seriously?

a very popular story: luke 18:18-23. in my Bible, it’s titled Jesus Counsels the Rich Young Ruler. i’ll sum it up: a ruler asked Jesus, “Good Teacher, what can i do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus said, (i’m paraphrasing) “You follow all the commandmants in the Law of Moses (that was required of Jews) but you lack something... sell all that you have and give it to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; come, follow me.” but the man was very rich and he loved his earthly, material possessions and he got really sad.  very boldy, Jesus said, “sell everything. give to the poor. then you will have tresure in heaven. come follow me.”  aren’t we like the rich young ruler? we don’t want to give up our things. we don’t really want to give the poor our pairs of shoes even when we have 10 pairs because certains ones go with certain outfits, and oh wait, we have abundance of clothes and outfits that we might one day wear so we can’t actually give them away. we don’t really want to follow Jesus. we just want to dress really nice and go to church on Sundays, attract a nice godly spouse, occasionally read our Bibles, occasionally pray when our heart is broke or someone is mean to us, occasionally pray for that high paying job that we will one day hate because God didn’t tell us to go after it, but we’ll get the job and the spouse and we’ll live in a really nice house and give $100 to the poor every once in a while and feel really good. what a life ya know as i read about the rich young ruler, i cross referenced other verses where Jesus talks about possessions:  *do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. (matthew 6:19-20) theres that command again... do not store up possessions but treasures in heaven hmmm. *luke 12:33 says, “sell your possessions and give to the poor. provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys”

now, is this to say that we all must be dirt cheap because we give all of our money and house and car away to the poor? no. not at all. we are able to give because we have, right? there is nothing wrong with things or money... just making it an idol, wrongful love of it, and storing it up here on earth for self- righteousness. “then he said to them, “watch out! be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” (luke 12:15)

in Timothy it says not to be so arrogant and put our hope in wealth because it is uncertain. but to put your hope in God who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. wow. God gives and our hope should be in Him and seeking Him. we value money and possessions over everything, because we listen to the world’s voice that we must have more and look a certain way and have this big of a house to define success. we don’t value God. our heart is not with God. its with the world. we’re chasing the american dream that’s not really a dream!!! think about that. 

we miss the splendor of a true abundant life... we miss the splendor of God because of stuff

stuff is weighing us down. we miss it all sometimes- true life. beauty and laughter and legit the SPLENDOR OF GOD because we idolize things. we idolize our phones or the people with all the stuff in our phones. and it kills me. i often want to take all of the bull crap things we think will make us happy and dump it in the ocean (but the ocean is too pretty for that i know i know).  we know things don’t fulfill us. we know money doesn’t buy happiness. so why are we still stuck in it? why do we constantly let it decieve us? we get old and we haven’t experienced anything and barely grown in our relationship with God and we can’t just travel because we have this massive house full of things that hold us back. why do we do that?

i think more than anything my heart longs for what we lost: pure, simple life with God. lets take it back to a better time... in Paradise. in Genesis, God created Adam and Eve and they lived in the Garden of Eden with Him. He talked to them. communed with them. watched them grow. they got to dance and laugh with God and eat all the fruit they wanted. they got to run around naked and not worry about clothes... dude, WHAT A TIME!!! and then, of course, we know what happened. they chose against God and were kicked out to toil and work for food and such on earth. i’m sure immediately they realized the mistake they made. it wasn’t the end, God knew, and He had a plan from the beginning, but still... deep down i- and alot of us- long to be that free as they were in the Garden with God... not held captive by earthly materialism and possessions. our souls want to be in Paradise, and to just be with God.

and yet, we still buy the stuff we don’t need and want the stuff we can’t afford and work at job we hate to get the stuff we can’t afford and don’t need

and FOR WHAT???(told y’all i get heated)

for it all to be left on earth when we die? for us to never get to experience the abundance of life with Jesus? to let the stuff just sit there collecting dust after we realize it doesn’t fulfill us? 

Jesus was a fan of minimalsim. He was an advocate for owning less because He knew true abundance came in owning less and putting you heart in God and not things. we want the extra money for the extra shoes... but what kind of shift would happen when we saved our money and used it to buy a need for someone else that can’t afford it? how would our lives looked if we stopped owning so much and really decided to chase after God and the dreams He has put in our hearts? and owning less isn’t having bare walls and bare rooms and backpacking the world (unless that is what you’re being led to... that’s freaking awesome) it looks different for everyone. owning less, and minimalism in general is owning the things that you really need and bring you actual joy. its owning less so you can give more which i promise, is one of the greatest joys (i’m going to write part 2 of this on giving so whoop whoop)

this is the part where i talk about myself and my journey through this lalala... here we go!!! 

i’m guily of all the things above. i’ve wanted to own more and chase after the American dream and go after the money even though that’s not what God leads me to do. i’ll share and update gradually where i am on my personal journey that God is taking me on of giving more, owning less, wanting less, seeking God more, etc. why am i so passionate about it? when i first read the scriptures, my heart was convicted and i wanted to take them literally. sometimes sermons are preached on the “sell everything” verse and they say, “oh Jesus is just talking about get rid of everything internally that’s effecting your life negatively. it has nothing to do with your actual material possessions.” and the church breathes a sigh of relief and they go, “good, i didn’t actually want to have to start owning less stuff.” and that’s sad to me. Jesus has alot to say about selling everything and money and having your heart in material possessions and i deeply encourage you to seek them out yourself and let the Spirit convict you and speak to you personally. i realized very quickly things didn’t make me happy and i didn’t just want more possessions in my life time. i didn’t want a big house. i didn’t want lots of nice shoes. i wanted God. i wanted an abundant life. God put a desire for travel and experience and people and spreading the Good News in my heart. so that’s what i want to chase. i pray that’s what i put my money and energy to, for the long run, for the Kingdom. i long for the eternal life Jesus talks about. and i know He wants to take us all on an adventure if we let Him.

for the past three months, i’ve refused to buy myself clothes and shoes, and i’ll continue to this for a while... who knows how long. i’ve given it to the Lord. the desire to buy myself anything i don’t really need is fleeting and also freeing. simply because i have clothes and things. multiple shirts and dresses and jeans and shorts and shoes. and it’s absolutely ridiculous to me to own so much of just clothing when my money could be going to something more worthwhile or something i can actually experience. i’ve given bags full away of clothes that i just never wore/ didn’t need and i’ll continue doing so gradually as the Lord leads. however, if anyone knows me, they know, i own a lot of books. one of my greatest joys in the entire world is reading. i have a love for charachters and words and conversations and getting to see another person’s point of view. i can’t even begin to explain it. i love reading really great books and then giving them to people i meet so they can enjoy them too because whats the point of a book if it’s not being read? it is such a PLEASURE of mine to share good books with people, something i have a great desire for. i get alot of books from the library and lately, i’m making it a habit that if i really want a book, i buy it cheaply used. (amazon has used books for sometimes 99 cents holla). so this owning less thing isn’t saying we just can’t spend money on things we enjoy or love, but i have to ask myself, “am i storing possessions because my heart is attached to them? do i really enjoy this item that i am keeping? could i walk away from it if God asked me to?” with books, i am not storing them up for any purpose. i’ve just accumulated lots of books over the years and i simply enjoy them. i would give all of them away in a heart beat and leave them behind if the Lord told me to move to Central America tomorrow. it’s all about where your heart is at. sometimes when i want a book, the Lord pushes “no” because my money is needed elsewhere. 

i’m also currently dying my hair pink and it’s a long process because i have dark brown hair so it’s taking multiple sessions to bleach my hair. i’ve been saving up money for it because pink hair is something i’ve always wanted to have and experience and hey, i’m young and 19... its either now or never so i’m doing it and i’m okay with it. i’m even believing God can use it for His glory and bring some unusual people in my midst to talk to. ya know know. 

again, with all of this, i pray that you are praying and being led in all things.

so i ask, where is your heart? is it with the world and in possessions or with God? are you chasing the american dream or God’s plans for your life? 

-book recommendation on minimalism: the more of less: finding the life you want under everything you own by joshua becker 

-documentary on minimalism: minimalsim: a documentary on important things *its on Netflix!!!

-youtube recommendation on minimalism and the bible: “minimalism and the bible” youtuber: samantha lindsey

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 8 - "I'm Fully Ready to Amass an Army" - Matthew

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158417598191/announcement

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158440201536/merge-tribe-name-and-buff-announcement

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158440315206/reward-2-survivor-auction

RYAN PALMER

So my wonderful alliance, The Fam, is not something I plan on being a part of for very much longer rn. The Jay vote was handled completely wrong. I mean....I'm not upset it was him...but the way we did it....no. First of all I was told we were voting Jay not asked. In fact...Trevor just stated "I'm voting for Jay." What the fuck. That's not how alliances work. And then we didn't tell Isaac or David. And during this Trevor told me that Scott was voting for Isaac but clearly Owen knew he was getting that vote. I'm over it. I talked and apologized to David and Isaac about it last night and basically threw Trevor under the bus to them. Then we merged! And I told Matt about everything. He seems to really like J.D. and Ali so I am fine with working with them if comes to it. Matt really is my #1 ally at this point so I hope things work out. I am sure Trevor/Owen/Lydia will be pissed at me but this is just a game so it's not personal....I just don't like they way Trevor is playing rn.

LOGAN

Okay so full rundown of merge! I think I'm in a bad position right now, but I really want to have a F2 with Duncan. I think between my sunshiney personality and duncan being duncan we could probably get there? Maybe? Idk. Still scared of trevor, but maybe people will see me as less of a threat now that the other bangladesh peeps are gone. RIP rob and eddie, you are missed. 

DUNCAN

Oh my god they killed Jay! That's literally so sad :'( Jay mom wasn't lying when she said this was going to be an intense season. It's already been filled with tears, but now that we've merged, here comes the blood. I don't think I'm on the top of anyone's hit lists, but I'm not in a safe spot  rn so I could  be an easy peasy merge boot. But just happy to be here at the end of the day. Making merge every Athena game? nNut!! Now I have to get through 10/11 more votes....................party! I know Samuel trusts me bc I have him that idol and spit shined his ass the last tribal. Logan and I are kind of at a weird place. We trust each other more than other people but we need to find a fucking home or else we're gonna be get our torches snuffed back to back. As for merging with the other tribe? I'm so relieved to be back with Owen. Like thank the fucking lord there's someone who I can trust again bc all these players are dangerous as get out. I'm a lamb in a pack of wolves. The gag is I'm a wolf in a lamb costume. What I need to do is just law low for a couple rounds while not taking any power position and just strengthen bonds with my tribe mates. Idc who the vote is as long as I can make sure the vote isn't for me and I'm not next on the to go list. I want to do a f3 with Owen and Trevor bc they'll always be a threat as a duo before me, Owen had my back, and I can't get Owen to ever vote out Trevor so why not just work with him? Right? Ummm other things to say? I'm so glad I got the merge tribe name! Oizys! The goddess of misery and anxiety! Everything I've been feeling since this game has begun :-) although it's been stressful I've had a good time bc of how intense this season is. And if I win it, it will be definitely earned. Getting to the end in monuriki was kind of like a cake walk I'm not gonna lie. Getting to the end in motu? Emotionally draining? But with idol help it was manageable to get to the end. This time? Nothing could have prepared me for this. Like, this is so much more intense. It's not only a new ballpark, it's an entirely new game altogether. With merge happening the game has been reset and we'll see if I can play slither or sheep my way into some group. 

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/EwI-sf7ATD0

DAVID

Im here to step it up! I hate all of my alliance for making me not vote with them but also i have no one else I care about so i HAVE to stick with them those BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways MERGE ITS HERE I DID IT MOM. I still dont have Scott added so theres that

MATTHEW

Merge time! So, a 13 person merge with a 5-4-4 original tribe split is hot as hell and I'm proud of us as a cast for being so messy that we've kept the numbers super even. With the swaps and drama that's been going down, it's really difficult to judge at this point where exactly the lines are going to be drawn for the rest of this game. Numbers wise, people who have had bad blood previously are going to have to kiss and make up just to survive which is GLORIOUS for me, especially because I'm already working on becoming BFFs with Logan again after we found ourselves on opposite sides during the first NuOthrys vote. Duncan still seems to be difficult, however, because we don't even talk but I already hear he's doing things that are contrary to what I want to happen in this game and it's just a whole lotta yikes. As of right now, there's one person that sticks out like a sore thumb as a huge target, and that's my old pal Trevor. I absolutely adore Trevor, we were really close a long time ago and I still view him as an absolute sweetheart and great person, but he apparently hasn't been doing himself any favors in this game. Obviously, he has some major connections; a boyfriend for starters, and a BFF in Lydia. Even though that's only a small three, it's the same sort of fear I had about the Bangladesh trio. When you have a group of people who are so close, they basically function as one vote, which is really hella scary down the line because if you needed to flip someone it's not happening. I don't think it would be absolutely necessary to split them up this early, but Trevor has gone to the labyrinth like every single round. I know he knows about the coveted Door #9, which I've had my eye on since literally round 2 of this game, and it really scares me that he could have a whole lot of advantages that I don't know about. Another thing is that I've been able to meet back up with Ryan, my original closest ally on the starting tribes. According to him, Trevor lead the Jay blindside and left a lot of people uncomfortable. Apparently, he's also been making alliances left and right with basically everybody. I don't doubt this at all, especially because Trevor told me the night we merged that he wanted to bring Sam and I into his majority. That's awesome because it keeps his target off of me and sorta lets me know what he's planning, but it also sketches me out that he's playing so hard. I definitely think he will be able to shoot himself in the foot eventually, but I kinda view Trevor as an easy target that I can use to build trust with other people. When you make a big move, it really bonds people together, which is why I always trusted in The Hydra alliance of myself/Sam/JD/Ali. If we make another big move by dethroning Trevor, I can continue to solidify bonds with a much larger group of people. Anyway, the auction throws even MORE items into the game, because it's not like we already have an ENTIRE ROOM IN THE LABYRINTH where anyone can willy nilly pick up unlimited extra votes at any time right? I've been perusing my options here, but I've been tempted this entire time to bid on what Trevor is bidding on to prevent him from going to the labyrinth. I don't think this is the smartest idea for me because it exposes my hand very early and also would prevent me from going to the labyrinth and getting my hands on whatever is behind Door #9. My best course of action is just to be vigilant when results are posted and beat Trevor to the punch. The current plan of action is to weaken Trevor in any way possible and go in for the kill. I'm fully ready to amass an army to take him down that I can hopefully ride out for a few rounds. I'm definitely going to be putting myself out there, but with Trevor is gone, these people are going to need a shield. And I'm just going to be the shield that they can trust for a while.

OWEN

Lmao so there's a SECRET SECRET on this tribe behind the ninth torch door and I have a big feeling that everyone knows about it. So it's literally become a race to the labyrinth. I've already taken two major L's tonight with the auction items I got being useless and/or disadvantageous SO!!!! Hopefully I can get to that damn door first. [9:00:07 PM] Jay Berghuis (Emathia Host): The labyrinth is now open and I am getting off the train. [9:00:09 PM] Owen: Can I go to the labyrinth pls It literally took me two seconds so fingers crosst huh! Update: Fuck my life. I hate my luck in this game. I'm sixth. Anyways.... This merge of 13? W H E W. Once again, this game has been some kind of amalgamation of seriously weird relationships. There's Trevor, Ryan, and Lydia which is probably my closest like "collective" alliance here. But then there's Matt and David who are other tie-ins to Ryan since the four of us had an alliance too. But then there's Sam, who I want to work with, but I can tell he trusts Trevor more than me, which makes sense since they started together. AND THEN DUNCAN SOMEHOW HAS TO FIT INTO ALL OF THIS because at the beginning of the game I swore allegiance to him, but he has never fit into the other plans or groups I've made?? And then there are the newbies, Ali and JD. I really wanted to start this game with newbies on my side. I REALLY wanted to get to play with new people. And I really do like Ali. But Ali/JD are already doing what Sam says I'm pretty sure, and like.... They want to work with Trevor which probably includes me but as a fifth or sixth? Idk. And then there's like Logan/Isaac/Scott who I think are probably the most on the outs. It's strange because the pairing of Sam/Trevor has attachments to Ali/JD/Duncan and Lydia/Ryan/myself, with Matt falling somewhere in there too. It's a huge shit show orgy of alliances and I don't like it because it's not fun. I don't know why but I'm really not having fun. I know too many people in this game and not in a good way. I don't feel like I can truly do what I want because I have to keep in mind a balancing act with so many other relationships. I don't want to screw Trevor, I don't want to screw Duncan. I don't know. The whole Sam and Trevor thing makes it harder too. And I'd like to think I have Duncan as a number one, I probably do, but I can't be sure whether Duncan will think I'm lying or not. So what I need to do for a bit is just, let things be as they are. There are still 13 people in this game. I've proved in the past that I'm willing to make a move, I'm willing to flip a script, I'm willing to go against a majority. I've done it all. But like... This is a true Greek God-like family where the family tree gets all fucked up cause people can't keep their penises in their pants!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'll let the Gods eat each other's heads, fuck each others wives, swallow each other's children, do all that shit, and at the end of the day hopefully I'll be here in a few rounds to look at all of the pieces left and pick up the ones I want. Until then, my short-term goals are miniscule: don't get voted out, and keep Duncan safe. I literally have no luck in this game. I can't rely on an idol or any other power. I get the same damn message FOUR TIMES in a row. And two seconds wasn't fast enough to get anything else out of it. So :) Let them use their powers on each other and maybe they'll forget about me when they think about all the other people doing shit! Whew!

-

I cannot believe the shit Ali tells me???? Like Trevor and I are talking and Trevor's telling me all this stuff that Ali said about the labyrinth and everything and like sadfkhfjd Ali literally told me all this too and we've been talking for less than 24 hours. It's like... Good because information, bad because everyone else gets the same info?? But now he's trapped in the labyrinth so I guess he can't spill all the tea anymore!!!! oOPS! And JD.... JD. I love this girl because she doesn't quite understand.... And I want to be friends with her too I'm cryin fksjddhfsjd these newbies are something else huh!

LOGAN

SO. THANK YOU MATT FUCKING SUMMERS. Matt comes to me before labyrinth opened and he goes "So there's this locked door that opens post-merge that both Trevor and I know about." And I FUCKING WENT IN THE DOOR CUZ I GOT FIRST PICK. AND GUESS WHO HAS AN EXTRA VOTE?

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158455510956/immunity-challenge

JD

Sooooo, I've really not good with auctions. I mean, that really isn't a surprise i guess. But all well. My alliance got some stuff and that's what matters... Partly Because it can still benefit me and partly because now i know what a lot of people got/ what it does

-

I feel... Much bad. Like i feel so stupid for questioning Trevor. This is way your not supposed to talk to anyone outside the game about the game. I shouldn't question him really because him really because i feel like him and Lydia both want to take me or and or Ali to the final. 'i helped carry a newbie with me, while protecting myself' they'll have another thing coming though if that's their plan. 

-

Omg ALI!! I'll come for you! We'll find out..... After tribal though~ it sucks because i cant communicate with my closet partner. So i just hope he's okay with what I do for tribal... Even though it's all basically the same as we've been playing.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158512844281/announcement

ALI

https://youtu.be/Odf-Lk8GHIo

-

Can I just apologise for chewing gum in my last video confessional? It sounds super distracting and annoying- sowwy! :)

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/HaJC-MgoVqU

[queerloquial]

every odd number!

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?you better have, we’re kinda dating 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?iunno, whens the last time you said something that made me go “cfghvjb fUCK yOU”?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?not to my knowledge, but if there is they can go fuck themselves bc idfc

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?vault boy tshirt, gray sweatpants. my regular comfy sleepwear stuff

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?i wear jeans anytime i have to leave the house, but if i dont have to go out in public and hide my wookiee legs i actually prefer shorts to either of those. i also rank chef pants higher than sweats bc they breathe better

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?i am antisocial as fuck, my dude. if i could get away with living in my bedroom and talking to like three people total ever, i so would

13. What about ‘R’?i think this is in reference to ‘have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with ___’, in which case, no. i have never kissed anyone, at least outside the “small child gives/receives cheek kisses from family or other adult considered to be basically family” sense

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?yEs. i give so many shits, all of the fucks, and even a couple hecks

17. When was the last time you cried?i think like a week and a half, two weeks ago it was like 2 am and i was tired n lonely and re-read some of ur letters to me. it was a happy cry dont worry. u make me do that a lot

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?nah i like blue

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.that stupid fuckening dog did not shut up for one damn minute after i let her out at ten last night. she barked for eight hours straight and for six i had a headache, i have slept a grand total of 32 minutes and it is now 7 am. hlep

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?to my knowledge yes. unless “im going back to bed, love and kisses~” is secretly your way of breaking up with me :P

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?you do~

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?it you

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?i think i got it from fye at the mall. either there or gamestop. i dont remember

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?theyre lined up on top of my desk. the only thing hiding them is the handful of non-alcoholic glass bottles i also have collected

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?ehhhhhhhhhhhhh i kinda have a Thing with pain so i have a heavy aversion to getting anything pierced

35. Did you have a dream last night?no bc i couldnt fuckening fall asleep

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?idk my dude. the future is unpredictable

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?idk. maybe if ur still awake theres a chance but if ur not then probs not

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i would hope so, ive been waking up before dawn every day to tell you i love u and i would hate for all that effort to have been for nothing

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?in those words exactly, not that i can remember

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes, but theyre all from early high school and i really ought to go in and take them out but. effort. and i dont even really use facebook anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?yes. all the time

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nah, two years ago i had a job

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?i think this was my dad? so no

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?well when youve been aromantic for over 20 years you dont expect to develop a crush on ur cuteass mutual so

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?all but two people irl think im a conservative straight cis girl

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?see number 13

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?yes

61. How’s your heart?emotionally its doing fine. physically i could probably stand to cut back on sodium a bit

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no, theyre black

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i wouldnt know, ive never been a girl and ive never had a boyfriend. but either way that sounds kinda weird, like i mean sure, promote healthy expression of emotions, but “love it when they cry”?? that sounds kinda messed up my dude

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?a lady from my church whose dog im watching for part of this week

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?it youuuu again

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?lol no

75. Did you wake up cranky?a BIT YES. god i hate dogs

77. Are relationships ever worth it?hell yeah, but you gotta be willing and actively choose to put in the time and effort to support one another through all situations, not just the cutesy happy fun times. it can be hard work, especially if one or more involved parties are neurodivergent, but it is completely worth it to have a relationship based in genuine respect and trust and honesty

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?buddy there aint a day that goes by that i dont daydream of what itll be like when we can finally meet irl

81. Last person you cried in front of?if this is strictly about physically being near someone, and discounting headmates, then… i dont actually remember. i try my best not to cry where people can see

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i feel like you might be at least a lil bit

85. Are you over your past?well my brain is irreparably damaged and i still cry when i remember that i have at least one person who respects my feelings and consent and i generally try to block out all memories of life before college but for the most part yeah im totally over it :)

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?well i would say no but then we did recently have that convo re: “tier 4 kinks” and tbh that was like the last big secret i was holding in so i guess yeah i do

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?i dont remember the last person i kissed, if animals dont count, so im just gonna give a blanket no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?well i hope so

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?ye~

97. Who do you have texts from?you, family, best friend, some people from church who have needed me to petsit/house-sit/bake things

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?see #13

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?no

[roctoguat-blog]

Rest and Abide

December 26, 2016

Genesis 2:1-3

Today I got to hold a baby, which is a total work of the Lord that I didn’t freak out as this child put their hands all over my face, drooled on me, and I had to hold constantly so he wouldn’t start to cry. It was tiring, it was also probably really entertaining to watch, but as I held this child and played with many others I was content, I was present, I was actually really enjoying this experience. Why share this? I promise theres more to the story.  As the time went on there was this one baby that kept climbing all over me, and wouldn’t stop fussing every time I put her down. Eventually I wanted to give up and walk away and let someone else take her, but a small voice in my head told me, “don’t walk away from this child, keep trying,” and I’m glad I listened. As I kept trying a thought popped into my head of what my mom would do with me when I was a baby. So, that’s exactly what I did, I cradle this little child, and started rocking her back and forth and she knocked out, and I sat down and stayed with her. As I sat down and watched this precious little Kenyan baby fall asleep the Lord opened my eyes to what true rest is. This child was in my arms, resting, in a deep sleep, fully trusting that I was going to keep her safe. This was a picture to me of how the Lord wants us to be with Him. Helpless, trusting, just like this little baby, just completely dependent on Him. I couldn’t help but sit and think to myself I want this kind of rest. I want to be able to live my life as peaceful as this child of the Lord in my arms. I’m just as much a child as she is according to my Lord and Savior.

What does it mean to rest? According to the New Oxford American Dictionary it is to, “cease from work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.” I can bet you that the Lord didn’t need to rest after making the world, He’s God. Yet, He did rest to be an example to us, to show us that resting is allowed, because even the maker of the universe did it. The Lord took a day to stop working, He took a day to admire in what He made, he took a day to stop moving.

In training we learned about “offer days,” how being a servant of the Lord there are no days off. Every day the Lord is working in and through us, and everyday our minds should be focused on Him. “Offer days” are not necessarily the days of no rest, but of days where even if were not doing a single thing our minds are still seeking the Lord, and our hearts are not far from Him. Overall, the work of the Lord is still being done.

The Lord calls us to rest in Him, Matthew 11:28 - “ Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He wants to give us that refreshment that we so desire and need, but it doesn’t always come in the form of a nap or laying down. What I’m learning here in field time, is resting in the Lord comes in many forms. One of these forms is ceasing from work, not physical work, but emotional work, from trying to fix things, from trying to put pieces together that don’t need my help to be put into place, or to stop trying to force things.

All my life I have been told to work hard, to keep moving, to keep fighting even if it gets to the point that you can go any more, you keep going. Now, that’s a good concept right? To work hard, to never give up, but sometimes it gets to be too much. You’re left not resting on the Lord for strength and messing everything up. Since you decided to lean on your own understanding you fail, so you feel as if even if you do keep going you’re not going to get  anywhere. We work for a lot in life, we work for food, for we work for relationships, we work,work, work, but we loose sight in all of it because we forget to do what? REST.

Before signing up to do any of this program the Lord kept giving me the word “Abide.” I had no idea why, but it stuck. I also had this desire in my heart to “rest,” to just get away from the life I always have known and just be able to rest. Now being in Kenya, it’s finally starting to make sense.

Lately, I have been struggling with the feeling of being left out. Sometimes it’s emotionally, or not having things in common with others, but also just not being apart of certain events. Despite the reasons to why I feel the way I do, either way, I love this team, I love being here in Kenya with them, I love doing life with them, I love them so stinking much, but I have to give all of them to the Lord along with everything else. I need to rest and abide in the Lord to know that I’m not going to loose them when we have to part ways, or that they don’t like me, or whatever random thoughts the enemy decides to put in my head. I have to rest and abide in the Lord to believe that I am here to grow with this family, but also to grow personally, and use this time to be shaped and molded into the person He has for me to be for His glory.

In training it was day by day, in Kenya it’s day by day, but also in all of our lives it’s day by day resting and abiding in the Lord. I suck at letting go, and not doing anything, but the Lord has asked me to stop moving, and let Him move. This lesson has been so stinking hard, I don’t know what I’m doing, all I can see is failure and flesh surrounding me, and I feel I’m in such a deep hole I can’t get out, but in the midst of it all the Lord is working. The Lord is doing something. Whatever it may be my challenge is to let go and just let God. There is bondage in holding on, and freedom in letting go, but I’m just finally starting to realize the truth in that, because it’s my reality and I can’t run from it anymore.  

Psalm 37:7-“Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him…”