#i need to go shoe shopping
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my boss told me he got/is giving me free tickets to see electric light orchestra (ELO!) next Monday in Boston so I guess that's what I should bump today. Don't bring me down is a banger. Also wrapping my mind around a trip to Boston next week but that's a problem for next week lol.
#they actually have a lot of hits esp if youre born in 1955-1965 demographic#i was on the fence initially about going but then i said fuck it#twill be my first time at TD garden too so thats fun#i need to go shoe shopping
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hong kong miku,,,
#hopping on the trend jumpscare iām from hong kong surprise#i havenāt seen that many hk mikus around#lowkey chat i think i kinda ate with this one#however i will say i am coloring in the dark so if any colors look off thatās why#and also i havenāt opened this program in literal months i jumped straight into this no warmup no nothing#miku is what pulls me out of art block apparently i was locked in for 5 hours STRAIGHT#someone needs to teach me how to paint properly holy#not sure how i feel about the bottom left one but that was a quick one anyways#i am from hk originally but i havenāt been back in years so i have no idea about the culture other than food and mirror#OKAY let me explain the context#street food is a big thing in hk and quick and easy things like fish balls egg waffles and like siu mai and wonton noodles are popular#back then people really would just squat down on the side of the road or right in front of the shop to eat it and go#but i donāt think anyone does that anymore city life and all that#ohh i should have done instant noodles breakfasts god i loved those#if anyones from hk if you go to the causeway bay mtr station exit that leads up to the big road near sogo. do they still sell siu mai there#that shit was BANGER i remember asking for them all the time#a good majority of parents in hk would get their daughters ears pierced as a baby something about them not feeling as much pain idk#thatās just what i was told#i used the neon for her friendly standard greeting cause i wanted to incorporate the neon signs somehow without actually drawing a whole bg#lots of neon signs in hk. i heard they had to take them down cause of light pollution which is sad but understandable#everyone got their shoes from dr kong. at least when i was younger they did#boy band is self explanatory. i heard theyāre really popular my mom listens to them#oh i had her messing with her shoes cause hk people move FAST. you stop for one second and you get shoved#so like a fun little allusion#gave her black roots just for fun. she is violating every school uniform code possible#this is all based off of my memory by the way so like. anyone who knows this better than i do hit me up#hatsune miku#miku from my culture#jellos scribbles#i havenāt tag yapped in so long welcome back my love i missed you
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I swear the ultimate deception from journey to Bethlehem is THE merthur magic reveal song. every time I listen to it I immediately think about them. The doubt?? The hurt?? The betrayal?? The desperation for someone to tell him what to do?? The blind trust nonetheless?? Arthur desperately wanting to believe Merlin but not being able to give in completely because of his believes about magic. the side of him that was raised to hate magic fighting with the side of him that knows Merlin is good, that he loves him, I just-
#random thoughts while I shop for new shoes#Please go listen to it and tell me what you think I need to know#does any of this makes sense I cant tell#I just#the though was too strong#I needed to share it#also Milo Manheim jj the man that you are š#the thereās something about you Merlin being mirrored in the beginning#too much#when he says I donāt see deception in her confession I just see the truth#hmmmm#merthur#bbc merlin#arthur pendragon#merlin emrys#merlin x arthur#my post
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āļø
#yāall know when itās a Doing Things Day?#well today I slept in way less than I wanted to and then decided I canāt take a nap to try to reset my sleep schedule#so I went and did some sight singing of choral pieces with friends (lamentations of Jeremiah/o vos omnes and Armistice 1918 took. me. out.)#as in they went so well (helped that half the people had done them before)#and then picked up two things from buy nothing#returned my friendās wrench set#convinced another sister to come to weekend warrior with me#got some shoes I needed and two nice shirts at the thrift store#got art supplies I needed at dollar tree and ran into a deacon from my church there and had a nice chat#went grocery shopping#ran into an old friend who lives in another state in the grocery store??#called my boyfriend for a while while washing dishes#touched up a painting#read my first Terry Pratchett book (Equal Rites - it was amusing and enjoyable but not super special to me)#(I know thereās so much more! just dipping my toes in)#made dinner and prepped some extra things for future meals#spent hours going through little things Iād saved and pasting them into a journal#now going to read and annotate Life Together before bed#is this what itās like when you get up and stay awake????#is this what yāall do?
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Why ignore me when you could āØadore meāØ
#me#my face#I need a full length mirror so I can show off my cute shoes#there is no reason I need to be so gotdamn sexy to go grocery shopping#but I canāt really help it#lol#yes I know my room is messy#selfie#dirty mirror selfies are superior
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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
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got so cold waiting for the bus today it turned into overwhelming frustration and i cried a bit and the tears immediately froze my eyes shut. this wretched fucking city
#it was -30C/-22F#and i was just wearing my normal shoes w one pair of socks bc i didnt expect to be outside much#but then the grocery store i needed to go to was inaccessible due to shitty city planning making no pedestrian crossings#and the thought of walking another 3 mins to the light just pissed me off sooo much i couldnt do it#so Yea i never went grocery shopping so i ate more hot dogs for dinner
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Just had a dream and all i heard on repeat was: how am i gonna question myself when i saw it and know i saw it?
#will expand on this later if i want to but essentially this was on repeat in my mind in my dream#seeing is just imagination here. in my dream it was because i had an image of it. and so the main thing i was hearing: u just imagined it.#so u know u have it. how can u question urself? u just saw it. so u must know it#its this acceptance. and it is#how things have manifested before. perhaps always. in my life recently#with my shoes for example that were about Ā£130 i just saw myself wearing them and said āomg! now i own these shoes!ā and two days later#my mother took me shopping for shoes specifically. this has happened other times too#unconscious ones are more like - i see myself with them- and go āah coolā but it still materialises#seeing self with desire - cannot deny its possibility. its existence#mine#i used to think that its abt the knowing its going to reflect which is true u need it bc self concept. why wouldnt u have it in the world of#caesar too? BUT#its moreso the knowing u just had it. u just experienced it. u know u have it in imagination (which is why itll reflect as a byproduct)
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Who needs sleep when you can just pop more painkillers to sweep the headaches under the rug so you get to stare at a screen for 6 more hours
#ā”other#I'm only on day 4 too#this shit is getting too real Artemy wtf#like it's not even the food or water OR the money. I'm good. i have everything maxed and stashed#BUT THERE IS SO LITTLE TIME I'M BARELY GETTING TO BREATH#WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL OF THAT TIME GOING#I NEED TO DO SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO COLLECT HERBS THEN SELL MY JUNK TO SHOPS THEN BUY SHOES AND BELIEVER IMMUNE BOOSTERS THEN SPIT ON DANI
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dude.... are my shoes..... too thick
#??? I TRIED SKATING IN MY SOCKS AND SUDDENLY TIC TACS WERE EASY#or maybe i still need to break in the shoe???? i remember that being a complaint#that this specific shoe took a while to break in#wtf.............. idk maybe it was also the fact id just adjusted the wheels LMAO#but it REALLY felt like. suddenly i could feel the board ššš#with the shoes on it felt like i was hitting things with hammers u know#no delicacy....#wanna go back to the skate shop like. ur right it wasnt the board#but it wasnt me either it was the SHOES
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Being a scared and small creature in public makes me look suspicious to cops apparently
#I was stopped and searched for shoplifting when I went to primark for the first time in a while a few weeks ago#it may be because as I was walking around the massive fucking shop overwhelmed by how much stuff there was I ended up waving at several of#the police guys in anxiety because they kept looking at me#I think it was because I kept going in anxious circles around the shop in no clear route#also because I got lost a few times#thereās no need for a shop to be that fuckin big#I was literally so confused and scared by this stupid primark#and then this guy stopped me from leaving because I bought a pair of shoes and I looked raggedy as hell and also scared I guess#potatoe rambles
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did i spend money i don't have on that viral uniqlo bag? yes i did but HEAR ME OUT i'm going on a little hiking/hill walking/wild swimming trip in a few days and i need a bag to take with me that isn't like. a handbag or a tote bag so actually it's a necessary purchase
#them opening a uniqlo shop in [redacted] RIGHT next to the train station is soooooo dangerous#we had like 30 mins to kill before our train so of course we just popped in and. yeah i bought the bag :/#i feel like it'll be so good for a little hike tho bc all u really need is a waterbottle/suncream/phone#and it's the perfect size for that and also it's cute so i can use it on other occasions too#i don't go hiking/do outdoorsy stuff often enough to justify buying anything specifically outdoorsy so it's perfect#i'm borrowing hiking boots from my friend lol bc i feel like none of my normal shoes would really cut it#also i had a super nice day ā¤ļø i love my friends and i love museums and i love good food ā¤ļø#š§
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i donāt have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome ššššš) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also likeā¦ nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me forā¦ needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasantā¦ it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i canāt do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. donāt mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps š«¶š»#the problem is really that i donāt have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc itās never a good time so. lol ššššššš me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding š¤Ŗ#delete later
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Good job being such a good girl!!
But also... what if you were just a little bad? š
(This is in regards to buying new rocks, but also just in general)
....I did just get my tax refund.... I could maybe be a little bad
#bitts answers#i also need to go clothes shopping and buy some new work shoes and i still wanna put as much as a i can into savings though...#ill consider it
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Sitting with bleach in my hair!!
#telling myself i have 2 more packets of bleach if it doesn't come out even#bc i have bleached hair i already grew out and wanna try to even everything out into one tone#hopefully won't go into work reeking of bleach tomorrow lmao#I'm feeling. alright#did a lot of shopping today lmao; got wire to map out moth wings and then i can get and prep some fabric when i know#how much i need š¤ looking at the shoes I'll get for him too; some boots I'll spray paint#he's coming together!! accepting I'll only have 2 cosplays for the con lmao#nothing else is calling out to me.. just 2 gay bugs..#shai speaks
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also re: that how many tabs do you have open from this morning i just counted my tabs on my desktop & i have 87. but i have two windows minimized that i didn't count
#i think one of them only has like five or six and the other one has like four maybe#ok nevermind i just counted them i have 103 tabs open in total HAHAHAHAHAHA jesus christ#i have such a habit of leaving things open to look at later bc if i put it in bookmarks i'll also just forget bc i can't see it#but leaving them open also makes them invisible. no winning#ADMITTEDLY there's like 15 open that are just shoe shopping and approx 15 from the last time i was looking at job listings#so this is not like my NORMAL; i just happen to have a lot of stuff in the works atm#chatpost#14 tabs are just goodreads of books i want to read but don't want to put on my to read list. or lists of genre books#one of my windows is all store & patreon stuff that i go to so often i just leave it all open all the time#one of the minimized windows is just dnd stuff that i only need when i'm playing dnd. but why close it when i need it again later#basically i'm insane. sorry
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