#i need to go shoe shopping
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my boss told me he got/is giving me free tickets to see electric light orchestra (ELO!) next Monday in Boston so I guess that's what I should bump today. Don't bring me down is a banger. Also wrapping my mind around a trip to Boston next week but that's a problem for next week lol.
#they actually have a lot of hits esp if youre born in 1955-1965 demographic#i was on the fence initially about going but then i said fuck it#twill be my first time at TD garden too so thats fun#i need to go shoe shopping
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☀️
#y’all know when it’s a Doing Things Day?#well today I slept in way less than I wanted to and then decided I can’t take a nap to try to reset my sleep schedule#so I went and did some sight singing of choral pieces with friends (lamentations of Jeremiah/o vos omnes and Armistice 1918 took. me. out.)#as in they went so well (helped that half the people had done them before)#and then picked up two things from buy nothing#returned my friend’s wrench set#convinced another sister to come to weekend warrior with me#got some shoes I needed and two nice shirts at the thrift store#got art supplies I needed at dollar tree and ran into a deacon from my church there and had a nice chat#went grocery shopping#ran into an old friend who lives in another state in the grocery store??#called my boyfriend for a while while washing dishes#touched up a painting#read my first Terry Pratchett book (Equal Rites - it was amusing and enjoyable but not super special to me)#(I know there’s so much more! just dipping my toes in)#made dinner and prepped some extra things for future meals#spent hours going through little things I’d saved and pasting them into a journal#now going to read and annotate Life Together before bed#is this what it’s like when you get up and stay awake????#is this what y’all do?
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oh! local woman secures dress fr a costume party btw
#me#they had many more beautiful dresses but they were all sooo pink and white and yellow w lil floral patterns on em#& i was like these r lovely! however i do not feel comfortable in these at all. esp considering theyre all short and i need shoes to match#and i have these lovely black velvet chunky heel laceups that i love.... also nothing Feels as good as that One Dress...#cue the shop assistant going like u want to see the full effect w the hoop skirt and lil hat and then i was like oh. i will TAKE it#its a venetian style masquerade the Guy is taking me to and im gonna dress it up a lil more w pearls accessories im gonna look SOOO GOOD#LESS THAN TWO WEEKS FRM NOW!!!#he sent me costume pics frm his fitting and i showed some of the uh. appropriate ones to a friend who was curious abt him#the verdict is he looks soooo sweet and cute and like a teddy bear im like yaayyyy smiling kickin my feet when she approved. heeheeeee#SOON
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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
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Who needs sleep when you can just pop more painkillers to sweep the headaches under the rug so you get to stare at a screen for 6 more hours
#♡other#I'm only on day 4 too#this shit is getting too real Artemy wtf#like it's not even the food or water OR the money. I'm good. i have everything maxed and stashed#BUT THERE IS SO LITTLE TIME I'M BARELY GETTING TO BREATH#WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL OF THAT TIME GOING#I NEED TO DO SO MANY THINGS I NEED TO COLLECT HERBS THEN SELL MY JUNK TO SHOPS THEN BUY SHOES AND BELIEVER IMMUNE BOOSTERS THEN SPIT ON DANI
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got so cold waiting for the bus today it turned into overwhelming frustration and i cried a bit and the tears immediately froze my eyes shut. this wretched fucking city
#it was -30C/-22F#and i was just wearing my normal shoes w one pair of socks bc i didnt expect to be outside much#but then the grocery store i needed to go to was inaccessible due to shitty city planning making no pedestrian crossings#and the thought of walking another 3 mins to the light just pissed me off sooo much i couldnt do it#so Yea i never went grocery shopping so i ate more hot dogs for dinner
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yippee i am home today (i got home last night) and it has been nice to just do a bunch of housework
#i cleaned up the apartment… mostly vacuumed and dishes and such#i may clean the bathroom tomorrow#i also did a bunch of laundry. all my clothes and then also all bedsheets and kitchen towels/rags#took my doggie on a walk.#ordered all the christmas things i intended to buy that i thought i could get a discount on#bought my gf a steam deck and myself some shoes that are actually Meant for walking#i am gonna go grocery shopping tomorrow instead of our usual day bc my gf works tuesday and i have decided that i don’t want to make her go#to the grocery store after working like 5 consecutive days#so i am just gonna do it tomorrow#by myself i mean. while she’s at work#then miss mochi needs her groomer appt on wednesday. needs her nails clipped and teeth brushed
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Just had a dream and all i heard on repeat was: how am i gonna question myself when i saw it and know i saw it?
#will expand on this later if i want to but essentially this was on repeat in my mind in my dream#seeing is just imagination here. in my dream it was because i had an image of it. and so the main thing i was hearing: u just imagined it.#so u know u have it. how can u question urself? u just saw it. so u must know it#its this acceptance. and it is#how things have manifested before. perhaps always. in my life recently#with my shoes for example that were about £130 i just saw myself wearing them and said ‘omg! now i own these shoes!’ and two days later#my mother took me shopping for shoes specifically. this has happened other times too#unconscious ones are more like - i see myself with them- and go ‘ah cool’ but it still materialises#seeing self with desire - cannot deny its possibility. its existence#mine#i used to think that its abt the knowing its going to reflect which is true u need it bc self concept. why wouldnt u have it in the world of#caesar too? BUT#its moreso the knowing u just had it. u just experienced it. u know u have it in imagination (which is why itll reflect as a byproduct)
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dude.... are my shoes..... too thick
#??? I TRIED SKATING IN MY SOCKS AND SUDDENLY TIC TACS WERE EASY#or maybe i still need to break in the shoe???? i remember that being a complaint#that this specific shoe took a while to break in#wtf.............. idk maybe it was also the fact id just adjusted the wheels LMAO#but it REALLY felt like. suddenly i could feel the board 😭😭😭#with the shoes on it felt like i was hitting things with hammers u know#no delicacy....#wanna go back to the skate shop like. ur right it wasnt the board#but it wasnt me either it was the SHOES
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Being a scared and small creature in public makes me look suspicious to cops apparently
#I was stopped and searched for shoplifting when I went to primark for the first time in a while a few weeks ago#it may be because as I was walking around the massive fucking shop overwhelmed by how much stuff there was I ended up waving at several of#the police guys in anxiety because they kept looking at me#I think it was because I kept going in anxious circles around the shop in no clear route#also because I got lost a few times#there’s no need for a shop to be that fuckin big#I was literally so confused and scared by this stupid primark#and then this guy stopped me from leaving because I bought a pair of shoes and I looked raggedy as hell and also scared I guess#potatoe rambles
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Oh the bane of wanting shoes that fit your vibe but you're disabled and need to prioritize comfort over aesthetics and also you're at sub-sub-poverty levels of our abysmal SSI
#skechers. babe. work with me here#I'm not worried about finding a slip on because i have Lock Laces that i turn every shoe into a slip on with#that sounds like I'm being sponsored by them lol i just really like them as an accessibility feature#they're like ninety times less expensive than those 'accessible' slip on tennis shoes marketed to those of us who can't bend#and i mean that they cost like fifteen bucks compared to like three hundred dollars#accessible clothing#anyway I'm looking at skechers bc they're comfy and i have worn the same pair for years on end without issue#in fact my current ones are still going after 4 years I'm not that serious in wanting to replace them i just want something in black#but all the black skechers in both men's and women's are pretty homogenous and boring#there were some black and white lace up denim boots but they had a wedge heel and like no#anyway everything is homogenous as they try to compete with other brands by copying them as far as they can get away with#instead of bringing something new and exciting to the scene#kind of like how a certain social media site saw a mass influx of users from other social media sites that turned to shite#but instead of reveling and celebrating the uniqueness that drew everyone away from Twitter and Facebook and Instagram...#...they made the site more and more like the social media sites everyone was leaving and now it too is just a homogeneous bland place to be#anyway i digres i need Gothic skechers#tho not really bc my navy and copper pinstribe shoes are still going#but like i can dream about having enough disposable income of being able to afford two pairs of every day tennis shoes#window shopping
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did i spend money i don't have on that viral uniqlo bag? yes i did but HEAR ME OUT i'm going on a little hiking/hill walking/wild swimming trip in a few days and i need a bag to take with me that isn't like. a handbag or a tote bag so actually it's a necessary purchase
#them opening a uniqlo shop in [redacted] RIGHT next to the train station is soooooo dangerous#we had like 30 mins to kill before our train so of course we just popped in and. yeah i bought the bag :/#i feel like it'll be so good for a little hike tho bc all u really need is a waterbottle/suncream/phone#and it's the perfect size for that and also it's cute so i can use it on other occasions too#i don't go hiking/do outdoorsy stuff often enough to justify buying anything specifically outdoorsy so it's perfect#i'm borrowing hiking boots from my friend lol bc i feel like none of my normal shoes would really cut it#also i had a super nice day ❤️ i love my friends and i love museums and i love good food ❤️#🧃
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later
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Good job being such a good girl!!
But also... what if you were just a little bad? 😈
(This is in regards to buying new rocks, but also just in general)
....I did just get my tax refund.... I could maybe be a little bad
#bitts answers#i also need to go clothes shopping and buy some new work shoes and i still wanna put as much as a i can into savings though...#ill consider it
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Sitting with bleach in my hair!!
#telling myself i have 2 more packets of bleach if it doesn't come out even#bc i have bleached hair i already grew out and wanna try to even everything out into one tone#hopefully won't go into work reeking of bleach tomorrow lmao#I'm feeling. alright#did a lot of shopping today lmao; got wire to map out moth wings and then i can get and prep some fabric when i know#how much i need 😤 looking at the shoes I'll get for him too; some boots I'll spray paint#he's coming together!! accepting I'll only have 2 cosplays for the con lmao#nothing else is calling out to me.. just 2 gay bugs..#shai speaks
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also re: that how many tabs do you have open from this morning i just counted my tabs on my desktop & i have 87. but i have two windows minimized that i didn't count
#i think one of them only has like five or six and the other one has like four maybe#ok nevermind i just counted them i have 103 tabs open in total HAHAHAHAHAHA jesus christ#i have such a habit of leaving things open to look at later bc if i put it in bookmarks i'll also just forget bc i can't see it#but leaving them open also makes them invisible. no winning#ADMITTEDLY there's like 15 open that are just shoe shopping and approx 15 from the last time i was looking at job listings#so this is not like my NORMAL; i just happen to have a lot of stuff in the works atm#chatpost#14 tabs are just goodreads of books i want to read but don't want to put on my to read list. or lists of genre books#one of my windows is all store & patreon stuff that i go to so often i just leave it all open all the time#one of the minimized windows is just dnd stuff that i only need when i'm playing dnd. but why close it when i need it again later#basically i'm insane. sorry
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