#I was literally so confused and scared by this stupid primark

[potatoeofwisdom]

Being a scared and small creature in public makes me look suspicious to cops apparently

[ohsobetsy]

Am I going crazy?

It’s a Wednesday in April 2017, we’re in the supermarket and I just can’t concentrate. There are babies EVERYWHERE. That’s pretty normal for a supermarket though, so off I went isle by isle driving Jake absolutely crazy asking, “do we need this?” (knowing full well that we didn’t). For him to reply with a subtle head shake, a disgruntled face and a simple “no.” And for me to disagree and put it in the trolley full of other things we didn’t need. *just to add: this is a HUGE pet hate of Jake’s. I ask his opinion but go with my own decision anyway*

So he’s pacing up and down isles, poking holes in the toilet rolls & multipacks of drinks because I’m taking so long - yes, unfortunately he is one of those people.

Now, babies had been on my mind for a while these past few months. I worked in a childcare setting and unlike the usual me, I enjoyed nipping down to the baby room & looking at all the chaos and cuteness in there. Babies under the age of 1 are usually avoided at all costs but since January 2017 I’d been a little more interested, with that added amount of patience I’d suddenly developed, I thought ‘we would be able to do this, were great with kids’. But I didn’t mention anything because life just gets in the way and money is always an issue; I often wonder if money issues will ever stop?

So back to the supermarket in April 2017, were on the meat isle and I see someone I know with a newborn baby girl, only 3 days old. My stomach felt so strange, like it does when you’re hungry but it literally felt EMPTY and this sudden feeling of jealousy came over me, which is an awful feeling for those who have yet to feel jealousy in it’s full form. I exchanged a simple “hello” and smiled walking by, having a quick nosey at their squidged face newborn but feeling nothing?

I thought wait, 'am I going crazy?’. A minute ago I felt this insane amount of jealousy and now I’ve seen the baby, I feel nothing. Being absolutely confused I carried on down into the freezer isles and hurried up with my shopping - which cheered Jake up instantly.

…

So I got home, after insisting on self serving *Jake hates this too* (haha). I put the shopping away and sat down to do my usual thing of Googling how I feel, and lets face it; that is NEVER a good idea. After around 10 minutes of reading blogs, chat rooms and Yahoo! Answers, I came to the conclusion I was feeling this “broody” term that people use, prior to feeling this I always dismissed anyone’s ideology of broodiness and assumed pregnancy came when it came - ignorant I know. (Sorry!)

The day after I waved bye to Jake as he’d to work away down south for the next two days. Brilliant! That’s all you want when you feel like an absolute emotional liability but believe me I’ve known him to be out of the country more than in the country since we’ve been together (something I’ll touch upon in another post).

I did the typical thing of telling my best friend (practical sister) of how I’d been feeling, she reassured me by saying “it’s completely normal and I think that you do need to tell him now”. So the instant gut drop feeling of having to tell someone how you feel when you can’t really explain it or expect him to think she’s a lunatic. I took her advice that night and messaged asking what time he’d be home by, he could tell something was on my mind as I’m a very blunt & upfront person usually. So we arranged to have a chat about how I’d been feeling over dinner the next day.

As romantic as you can imagine, the next day we await to be seated in our local Nando’s and only get given a table in the middle of two other couples - queue the awkwardness! So he sits down, smiling at me and said, “go on then what’s up?”. Instantly I felt this rush of high temperature flood my body and I blurted out “I’m not weird I promise but I think I need a baby”. (Subtle, I know). The couple on the table next to us gave me the side eyes and I just sarcastically smiled at them.

Taken aback, Jake asked questions and said he can understand. He explained how he’d be more than happy to try for a baby and thinks we will be great parents. Amazing, right? So like the naive couple we are, we’re sat in Nando’s planning for a baby we don’t have yet, names & all - which may I add we’re already chosen before this conversation even happened.

A week into trying, “shit, my period is due tomorrow, what if it’s late?” I explained I’d not become agitated, spotty or bloated - which are all signs of the demon entering my body once a month. My best friend told me to do a test if I hadn’t started my period the next day, so as classy as can be the two of us headed off to our closest poundshop and I bought pregnancy tests in bulk, alongside ovulation tests if I weren’t pregnant.

I got home after roaming around town, buying unnecessary things in Primark & the thing you’ll come to realise in these blogs are that whenever we are together we HAVE TO eat out. So we ate out, I felt nervous and couldn’t really stomach much because of the nerves so as she always does, she 'tried’ some of my food. (She will read this and do her stupid silent wobble laugh).

Shit. This can’t be true I thought, there is a faint line on this pregnancy test a day before my period is due. I sent an iMessage picture and asked for her opinion, she too was shocked & could see a line. I rang Jake, informed him & he replied with “don’t get your hopes up, wait and see if you’re late”. So that’s what I did, despite feeling like a bag of nerves and completely shocked it could have taken us just under a week to conceive.

The next day came, no period. I did do three other of those tests, the line was the same. I waited until my period were two days late to discuss it with Jake again, but me being me; I’d convinced myself the poundshop tests were rubbish. It’s my lunch break at work and there is a Morrisons close by and that day I had miraculously forgotten my lunch - oh the irony. So off I went, with purchasing a clear blue pregnancy test fixated in my mind. Yep, I bought one! Headed off into the toilet as I couldn’t wait any longer and only went & set the alarms off - wonderful. The security guard sits opposite the toilets so I flashed him my clear blue packet through the bag and he smiled. Absolutely shitting bricks, I sat down & did the test. Convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, just crazy and needed to stop all of this.

You’re not crazy, the clear blue test reassured me. In fact, the screen showed that we were 1-2 weeks pregnant. Shit got real then, that sudden rush of a high temperature flooded my body again & off back to work I went. Unable to concentrate on anything other than the fact I was pregnant, I must have been pretty useless for the next four hours until home time.

Home time came & Jake picked me up from work at 6pm with a huge smile on my face - which NEVER happens after work usually. I handed him the pregnancy test & he gave me a really big hug, after exchanging a fair few swear words. Sat there proud as punch at his 'super sperm’, he drove us home and we sat down to discuss how shit scared we were & how shocked we were that it happened so fast.

So that’s the beginning of our 'Oh so Betsy’ story. If you’d like to read more, follow the blog. Or you can have a nosey through my Instagram (private) it is - clodaviesxx

Loves x

[theclosho-blog]

Am I going crazy?

It's a Wednesday, we're in the supermarket and I just can't concentrate. There are babies EVERYWHERE. That's pretty normal for a supermarket though, so off I went isle by isle driving Jake absolutely crazy asking, "do we need this?" (knowing full well that we didn't). For him to reply with a subtle head shake, a disgruntled face and a simple "no." And for me to disagree and put it in the trolley full of other things we didn't need. *just to add: this is a HUGE pet hate of Jake's. I ask his opinion but go with my own decision anyway*

So he's pacing up and down isles, poking holes in the toilet rolls & multipacks of drinks because I'm taking so long - yes, unfortunately he is one of those people.

Now, babies had been on my mind for a while these past few months. I worked in a childcare setting and unlike the usual me, I enjoyed nipping down to the baby room & looking at all the chaos and cuteness in there. Babies under the age of 1 are usually avoided at all costs but since January 2017 I'd been a little more interested, with that added amount of patience I'd suddenly developed, I thought 'we would be able to do this, were great with kids'. But I didn't mention anything because life just gets in the way and money is always an issue; I often wonder if money issues will ever stop?

So back to the supermarket in April 2017, were on the meat isle and I see someone I know with a newborn baby girl, only 3 days old. My stomach felt so strange, like it does when you're hungry but it literally felt EMPTY and this sudden feeling of jealousy came over me, which is an awful feeling for those who have yet to feel jealousy in it's full form. I exchanged a simple "hello" and smiled walking by, having a quick nosey at their squidged face newborn but feeling nothing?

I thought wait, 'am I going crazy?'. A minute ago I felt this insane amount of jealousy and now I've seen the baby, I feel nothing. Being absolutely confused I carried on down into the freezer isles and hurried up with my shopping - which cheered Jake up instantly.

...

So I got home, after insisting on self serving *Jake hates this too* (haha). I put the shopping away and sat down to do my usual thing of Googling how I feel, and lets face it; that is NEVER a good idea. After around 10 minutes of reading blogs, chat rooms and Yahoo! Answers, I came to the conclusion I was feeling this "broody" term that people use, prior to feeling this I always dismissed anyone's ideology of broodiness and assumed pregnancy came when it came - ignorant I know. (Sorry!)

The day after I waved bye to Jake as he'd to work away down south for the next two days. Brilliant! That's all you want when you feel like an absolute emotional liability but believe me I've known him to be out of the country more than in the country since we've been together (something I'll touch upon in another post).

I did the typical thing of telling my best friend (practical sister) of how I'd been feeling, she reassured me by saying "it's completely normal and I think that you do need to tell him now". So the instant gut drop feeling of having to tell someone how you feel when you can't really explain it or expect him to think she's a loonatic. I took her advice that night and messaged asking what time he'd be home by, he could tell something was on my mind as I'm a very blunt & upfront person usually. So we arranged to have a chat about how I'd been feeling over dinner the next day.

As romantic as you can imagine, the next day we await to be seated in our local Nando's and only get given a table in the middle of two other couples - queue the awkwardness! So he sits down, smiling at me and said, "go on then what's up?". Instantly I felt this rush of high temperature flood my body and I blurted out "I'm not weird I promise but I think I need a baby". (Subtle, I know). The couple on the table next to us gave me the side eyes and I just sarcastically smiled at them.

Taken aback, Jake asked questions and said he can understand. He explained how he'd be more than happy to try for a baby and thinks we will be great parents. Amazing, right? So like the naive couple we are, we're sat in Nando's planning for a baby we don't have yet, names & all - which may I add we're already chosen before this conversation even happened.

A week into trying, "shit, my period is due tomorrow, what if it's late?" I explained I'd not become agitated, spotty or bloated - which are all signs of the demon entering my body once a month. My best friend told me to do a test if I hadn't started my period the next day, so as classy as can be the two of us headed off to our closest poundshop and I bought pregnancy tests in bulk, alongside ovulation tests if I weren't pregnant.

I got home after roaming around town, buying unnecessary things in Primark & the thing you'll come to realise in these blogs are that whenever we are together we HAVE TO eat out. So we ate out, I felt nervous and couldn't really stomach much because of the nerves so as she always does, she 'tried' some of my food. (She will read this and do her stupid silent wobble laugh).

Shit. This can't be true I thought, there is a faint line on this pregnancy test a day before my period is due. I sent an iMessage picture and asked for her opinion, she too was shocked & could see a line. I rang Jake, informed him & he replied with "don't get your hopes up, wait and see if you're late". So that's what I did, despite feeling like a bag of nerves and completely shocked it could have taken us just under a week to conceive.

The next day came, no period. I did do three other of those tests, the line was the same. I waited until my period were two days late to discuss it with Jake again, but me being me; I'd convinced myself the poundshop tests were rubbish. It's my lunch break at work and there is a Morrisons close by and that day I had miraculously forgotten my lunch - oh the irony. So off I went, with purchasing a clear blue pregnancy test fixated in my mind. Yep, I bought one! Headed off into the toilet as I couldn't wait any longer and only went & set the alarms off - wonderful. The security guard sits opposite the toilets so I flashed him my clear blue packet through the bag and he smiled. Absolutely shitting bricks, I sat down & did the test. Convinced myself I wasn't pregnant, just crazy and needed to stop all of this.

You're not crazy, the clear blue test reassured me. In fact, the screen showed that we were 1-2 weeks pregnant. Shit got real then, that sudden rush of a high temperature flooded my body again & off back to work I went. Unable to concentrate on anything other than the fact I was pregnant, I must have been pretty useless for the next four hours until home time.

Home time came & Jake picked me up from work at 6pm with a huge smile on my face - which NEVER happens after work usually. I handed him the pregnancy test & he gave me a really big hug, after exchanging a fair few swear words. Sat there proud as punch at his 'super sperm', he drove us home and we sat down to discuss how shit scared we were & how shocked we were that it happened so fast.

So that's the beginning of our 'Oh so Betsy' story. If you'd like to read more, follow the blog. Or you can have a nosey through my Instagram (private) it is - clodaviesxxxx

Loves x