#i need to get access to the money my mom is keeping from me

[twowivestwoknives]

student loans took cash out of the wrong acct on the big bills month (between wifi, rent, phone, effectively i have maybe 100$ left on my paycheque, so, rent). so i had to pay off credit AND that negative balance so my small savings is drained.

[brittlebutch]

actually, having a kind of revelatory moment here of if HRT was something i have been considering for this long, but has remained inaccessible to me, then that means i Do actually have opinions about my appearance/presentation, so just because i can't take That Particular step doesn't mean that there aren't plenty of other avenues i could be pursuing (ie, clothing/accessories/etc.) that i just haven't let myself up until this point. like i don't have to shove it All aside just because there's one thing i can't get -- I'd probably still wind up a lot happier if I took those other steps I've spent all these years ignoring

[ranoshfamily]

🚨Emergency🚨

Help Rana’s family toleave Gaza before it too late

Hello humanities 🤗🤗

Please read this as if I'm a member of your family . maybe your sister, daughter or a friend and as if my family who's under death now is yours.

"I am a computer Engineer and Mom for 3 children from Gaza , Rana Hassan Alabsi, with a strong ambition and perseverance. Over the past 10 years, I've worked tirelessly, I've dedicated myself to my family, working hard, planning, building my career. Despite facing challenges, I became a well-known professional engineer in Gaza.

 

Unfortunately, my life has been upside down since Oct ,Since that particular day, thousands of innocent lives have been lost in Gaza, many of innocent people lost their works and the only source of income like me.

Me and my childrens 1 of them, he is10 years old with downsyndrom and need a safer place and health care to still a live, left our home under the continuous bombardment and artillery strikes, on foot, without carrying with us our personal supplies, clothes, or Even our money, heading from Gaza to Deir al-Balah. There in Deir al-Balah we lived the most difficult days of our lives in a shelter with scarce resources, sleeping on the ground.

Without covers, without drinking a healthy water, then we moved to Khan Yunis after the intensification of the strikes and bombing, Then we moved to Rafah in the hope that we would find safety there or find a way out of Gaza to a safe place that we dream of for the future of our children,Let us live a happy, safe life for us and our children, and keep them away from all this pain, destruction, and siege, and spare them from the miserable future that will await them if the situation continues as it is in Gaza.

I come to you with a heavy heart and an urgent call for help. My family are currently caught in the war in Gaza, facing the harsh reality of an escalating crisis. The situation is dire, and I am reaching out for your support to facilitate their safe passage to Egypt. In this moment of desperation, I share the situation where it has taken a toll on their well-being.

This urgent plea is not only for their safety but also for the health of my son, who is facing serious conditions that demand immediate attention.

My family is trapped in an environment where access to necessary medical care is severely limited. The escalating crisis compounds the urgency, especially considering my son's health conditions. Time is of the essence, and we are in a race against it to get him the vital medication and care he desperately needs.

My loved childrens are in a situation beyond their control. The fear in their eyes and the desperation in their hearts are indescribable. I implore you to be a beacon of hope for them, to be the force that guides them to safety. To be honest, the journey to safety comes with a significant financial burden.

We need the money to cover practical costs of transportation, documentation, a place to stay and shelter in and other essentials required for a safe crossing to Egypt. And so that they can take care of other needs once they cross safely. As of late April the evacuation fee ranges between $8,000 and $10,000 per person, before processing and transport fees, and we will pay the higher end of the range since Hayde doesn't have passport. Me and my family asking for 50,000$ based on the following breakdown: an evacuation fee at the Egyptian border of $8,000 - $10,000 per person , $4500 - $5000 per children as each day there is a different price for evacuation fee at the Egyptian border, plus a processing fee of $2,000 per person, $2,000 for transportation, and a 2.9% commission fee.

Any amount raised beyond the total will be used to supplement me & my family lives as refugees in Egypt. Your donation, no matter how small, will make an impact. You will be contributing to getting my family to safety. The funds will be used transparently and every dollar will go towards securing our evacuation.

Please share this campaign widely to help us reach our goal and bring my family to safety. Your support means more than you can imagine and I am incredibly grateful for any assistance you can provide during this challenging time. Thank you for your compassion and generosity. Together, we can make change and help my family find the safety and security they need".

instagram account : @help_my2024

My sweaty home before 7th oct

After 7th Oct

Vetted by:

Thank you very much 🌸🌸

@importantt-reblogs , see the Vetted Link

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?

(🥒👌 to find later)

Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.

So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.

I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.

Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.

Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.

I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.

Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.

To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.

Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.

So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.

[btsydtrash]

Ego [9]

mafia bts x stripper yn; hybrid universe

Everyone had heard of the Dirty7s, even distantly. Nobody could put names or faces to the members, but the name was enough to strike fear into the hearts of civilians, criminals, and law enforcement alike. They’re known to be methodical, impenetrable, and most of all, merciless. Nobody wants to cross any of them. Lest of all you - a college student stripping to pay her debts.

What happens when you fall into their web of deceit and lies?

What happens when you find that you don’t want to escape, even when you know you should?

Masterlist  /  i don’t have a tag list  /  find me on twitter  /  word count: 1.8k

AN: Here we go again! crime syndicate BTS X stripper yn. I’ll post this on AO3 too. Some of BTS are humans, some are hybrids. They all are obsessed with Reader. Reader is black in my headcanon.

(yandere / angst / gore / fluff / smut / violence / none )

trigger warnings: hey.... I'm back! yn is depressed. she's suffering a lot but she's not alone. nothing of significance. just needed to get this out after so long. I'll be back soon with more drama!

“Breaking News: The body of an African-American Beta hybrid was found dismembered and abandoned under a bridge in East Point. East Point is known for its houseless and opiate-dependent population. Many new strains of synthetic drugs are being released onto the streets, made accessible to vulnerable, unmated Omegas. Markings found on the body indicate the involvement of a gang widely known as the Dirty7s. The Dirty7s are an anonymous group with links to…”

The TV drones on in the background but you don’t hear it. Well, you can’t hear it. You hadn’t been paying much attention to anything for the last few days. How many? You’ve got no idea. It’s been enough for your hair to start smelling bad anyway.

You walk out of the bathroom, dropping the towel as you go, grabbing the big t-shirt with Thandi’s face on it and pulling it on. You had gotten a couple from the funeral from Thandi’s mom. She had made them, gotten them pressed at a local tailor’s place to raise some money for the funeral. You knew how expensive it was to die. Flashes of your mothers face fly in front of your eyes before you can stop it and they make you wince. You tried to pay but Thandi’s mom had refused your money. “My Thandi told me all about you,” she had said, holding your hand so tightly it almost hurt, but you didn’t complain. In fact, the sting-burn sensation grounded you, and you felt yourself get lost in her deep, knowledgable eyes. She might have just lost her daughter, but it seems as if she had already experienced a lifetime’s worth of pain. It made you ache. “You… You were her friend. She loved you so much.”

And then you felt it again, the guilt-driven nausea.

It was the first time you met her mom, but you knew all about her daughter, Sana. The young girl, only eight years old, stood solitarily, as the preacher droned on and on about ‘eternal bliss’ and ‘blessed memories’ and ‘living on in memory’. The expression on her face, you knew it so well. It was as if nothing was making sense to her mind. She was so sad, so lost, so lonely. You couldn’t keep your eyes off of her throughout the funeral. She looked around at all of the people at her mother’s funeral, curious yet careful, quiet and withdrawn, before turning her eyes to the coffin at the front of the church and biting down on her bottom lip. She didn’t make a sound, not a peep - the whole time.

They opted for a closed casket because well… What other option was there? The truth of Thandi’s death wasn’t lost on the participants of her funeral but it was bad manners to bring it up. The thought alone was enough to bring bile to your throat so fast, it made your head spin. You rush to the bathroom and spit up in the toilet. Just a little bit this time, thankfully. You swill your mouth out and walk to grab something from the refrigerator. It took you days to realize that someone had come into your apartment while you had been at the funeral and had fixed certain things.

The fridge had been filled. The pile of dishes washed. The laundry had been taken and washed and returned all clean and folded. The bed had been spread. The rug had been moved around and vacuumed. The bathroom had been straightened out.

Once you had come to your senses, you burst into grateful tears.

You knew who it was.

He had left a t-shirt of his, saturated in his scent and so big it drowned your body in material, in your closet for you to sleep in.

You take a glance at the t-shirt again, wrapped around a big pillow on your bed, and you sigh, getting into bed once more, hair still damp at the roots of your head. 

Your phone lay on the table beside your bed, silent but charging, and you take a second to look at it before you grab it and make a call.

It doesn’t ring but for two times before you hear his voice on the other end of the line.

“Hello, YN,” Jungkook says, quietly.

You don’t answer. You can’t find your mouth, you can’t feel it well. Your tongue feels fuzzy and heavy, like a weight is sitting on it.

“YN…?”

Jungkook pauses slightly before the sound of him shifting his weight comes through the receiver.

He asks, softly, “Do you need me?”

You are still quiet, but you let out a light sigh through your nose. It’s the loudest you’ve been in days.

No. I don’t need anyone, you want to say. But again, more silence. Your tongue is too heavy. Your stomach is rolling and your head feels all loopy. You can't imagine where all these good hormones are coming from, flooding your system with flickers of light and ease and warmth and syrupy goodness.

“You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to,” he murmurs, gently. “I’ll stay on the phone as long as you need.”

Another sigh.

He takes a moment to think before he says, a certain chipperness in his tone, “Shall I tell you about my day, Pretty?”

A final sigh, and you turn over to your side, phone pressed to your cheek. If you were more present in your body, it probably would hurt.

Jungkook sounds as if he reclines in his seat as he begins telling you all about his day.

“It’s been mostly boring. I woke up at 5:30. I went to the gym for a couple of hours. I boxed and ran and did some weights. I think I could press three of you, you know, Pretty? You're so little compared to me. Sorry. I got distracted. Then, I showered and ate breakfast with Tae. You haven’t met him yet, right? I think you’d like him. A lot. Anyway. After, I met Jimin for some work-related stuff. Very boring. Do you want me to tell you about it, Pretty?”

He doesn’t let you get a sigh out before he continues.

“I didn’t think so. Then, after hours of back and forth, I went to go pick up my suit. We have a fancy dinner to go to this weekend. It’s Jin-hyung’s birthday.”

His voice gets all syrupy and warm, and it twists and rolls in your stomach all hot and uncomfortable. Why does his happiness make you feel so bothered?

“-and after we finish at DeMaggio’s, Joonie-hyung says we’re going on a helicopter ride around the city. Would you like to do that one day? Should I invite you? I can do that, you know. I don’t think Hyung would mind.”

The thought alone makes you snort.

He pauses and then, when he talks again, his voice seems relieved.

“You laughed, Pretty.”

You blink, somewhat surprised. He wasn’t lying. You did laugh, breathy and weak as it was.

“Pretty, you know I miss you so much, right?”

You close your eyes tightly at his words, lip getting sucked between your teeth.

He takes a moment to ask, quietly, almost needy, “Do you miss me?”

Your throat gets all tight and thick, and you feel horrible all over again. He hears you choke on something, because his voice gets all flighty, worried and concerned over the phone, as he peppers you with soft words.

“You don’t have to say it.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Please, don’t cry.”

“You’re breaking my heart.”

And then, he pauses and says the one thing you both craved and dreaded to hear.

“She wouldn’t want you to be this angry with yourself,” he says. Then, with more confidence, he claims, “You’re allowed to be happy.”

You cut off the phone before the sobs take over once more.

////

Jungkook taps the edge of his phone on the table a few times before he curses to himself. The wolf glances up from his spot in the corner of Yoongi’s office and asks, “You think I pushed her too much?”

 Yoongi looks over the top of his book and remarks, “It isn’t the end of the world, Kookie. Relax. You did a good job with the cleaner. She probably is sleeping next to the t-shirt you gave her and she called you, of all people she could’ve called.”

Jungkook bites his bottom lip and admits, “I’m getting frustrated.”

Yoongi pushes, lightly, “With?”

He puts the book to the side, knowing full well that he wasn’t getting any more ‘him-time’ while the wolf was occupying his personal office in their home. He loved each of his brothers dearly, however… Fuck, he needed his own place sometimes.

“Being patient,” the wolf explains, glibly. “It’s all so fucking boring.”

“Then occupy yourself with things that matter,” Yoongi suggests, moving to his feet. “I think Tae might be done with the guy downstairs, if you want a turn to pummel something moving?”

“The fucker’s still alive? Tae’s losing his touch,” Jungkook remarks, amusedly. He wasn’t lying. Usually, Tae would have had him chopped into tiny pieces and thrown into a river or incinerated. Jungkook wonders why he’s taking his time.

Yoongi snorts, pushing his glasses into his hair. He only needs them when his eyes start to get dry, like now. He usually didn’t use his other form, preferring to be in his natural hybrid state when in the comfort of their own home, but he’s been testing his personal limits recently, worried that he might freak YN out with his skin, his eyes, his tongue… She was prey, at the end of the day. He probably should have the lights off but he doesn’t want to ruin the mood. “Not even. Jin won’t let him die. He keeps zapping him with the AFIB machine. I heard he shitted himself.”

“Well, he shouldn’t have been fucking around, pretending to be something he’s not,” Jungkook replies, an annoyed look passing over his face. The younger of the two moves to his feet and he asks, “Say, hyung.” His tone of voice catches Yoongi’s attention, so he sits up a little more in his comfy office chair, eye brow quirking so as to prompt the wolf to continue speaking. “Do you think YN will actually come to understand us?”

Yoongi pauses to mull over his answer for a few seconds before he answers, honestly, "I don’t think she has a choice.”

Jungkook acknowledges his answer with a melancholy look on his face.

Then, he glances down at his Rolex and makes a small noise of glee. “I’ve got a spare hour. I think Tae might be a little fatigued.”

Yoongi snorts before reaching back for the book. His eyes are getting awfully dry. Suddenly, the lights flick off and Jungkook glances back from his spot at the door, a narrow line of yellowed light slightly warming the room.

“Hyung, you know I always know, right?”

Yoongi scoffs. “Get the fuck out of here, pup.”

Jungkook closes the door and Yoongi finally switches back to his natural form, eyes narrowing into slits and he reaches for his book once more, settling comfortably into his chair.

It just started getting good, too.

- end - 

Schemer (1), Abstentious (2), Thievery (3), Melancholy (4), Writhing (5), Lusting (6), Non-negotiable (7), Cutting the cord (8), Nevertheless (9)

[ana-bananya]

List of organizations and fundraisers to you can donate to to help Palestine:

The numbers are simply to help me keep track of how many links I've added since tumblr has a 100 link limit on posts.

Most of these links will take you the posts I've made about these fundraisers that provide brief summaries so you can check for verification and see where your money is going.

‼️ indicates that a fundraiser has experienced a decrease in donations or has been without donations for some time

Last progress update done on August 6th 2024

Palestinian Red Cresent

Crips for Esims for Gaza

Care for Gaza

Gaza Direct Aid

Heal Palestine

Help Mohammed Alzaanin's family evacuate from Gaza (€96,887/€118,000) ‼️ Mohammad and his family evacuated to Egypt but need support to afford their father's surgery.

Help Shahed and her family afford treatment in Egypt (€81,267/€115,000)

Help Majd Omar evacuate his family and save his mom from cancer (€10,527/€47,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help evacuate Adam, Iyad, and the Al-Kafarna family ($152,030/$150,000)

Help Save Ahmed and His Family ($13,418/$35,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Amer Abdelmalek evacuate his family to Canada ($70,763 CAD/$100,000 CAD)

Help Yazan, Sara, and Adam evacuate ($3,346 CAD/$25,000 CAD - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Waleed's family evacuate to safety ($8,969/$36,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Dr. Sarah’s family ($84,658/$100,000) ‼️

Save Mohamed's family, refugees in Rafah Donations have been suspended, I have reached out to the organizer to ask and am awaiting a response.

Help Afaf Masoud evacuate her family (€104,636/€110,000)

Help Ghada Karyym's family evacuate and afford medical treatment (€42,847/€60,000) ‼️

Help my family and I to evacuate from Gaza, organized by Shaymaa Abudalu ($34,662 CAD/$50,000 CAD) ‼️

Help evacuate Mahmoud's family out of Gaza (€143,652/€150,000)

Help Al Helou family from Gaza ($81,959/$110,000 ‼️)

Help Save Hassan's Orphans ($27,475/$38,000)

Support Surgeon Serving Gaza City ($177,043/$220,000)

Help Abdelfattah sami Halawa evacuate his family ($40,747 CAD/$100,000 CAD - VERY Low on funds)

Help Evacuate 3yo Karaz ($859 CAD/$60,000 CAD - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Nour's newborns twins and her family evacuate to safety ($1,563/$50,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Evacuate Fares and his family from Gaza (£29,647/£50,000)

Donate to help Deyaa and his family escape Gaza €30,659 raised

Donate to help Ibrahim and his family evacuate (€105,053/€115,000) Ibrahim and his family evacuated to Egypt. All further donations will go towards helping the rest of their family in Gaza and supporting their lives in Egypt.

Help Israa Harb evacuate her family and afford medical care for her family (€37,460/€60,000)

Help Mohammed Elhaj Mohamed's family evacuate and rebuild their lives (€7,414/€65,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Sara Thabit Doghmash evacuate her family and afford surgery for her father and brothers (€44,734/€100,000) ‼️

Support Mona Abu Hamda evacuate her family in Egypt ($91,942/$150,000) Mona and her family have evacuated, all future donations will help support them in Egypt

Help Sama and Tasneem evacuate and continue their education ($11,686/$50,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Donate to help evacuate Asmaa and her sister so they can access medical care (€43,133/€100,000) ‼️

Help Reham evacuate her family of 14 to save her mother and brother (£3,173/£40,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Donate to help Enas’s family escape Gaza ($27,768 AUD/$50,000 AUD)

Help Bahjat evacuate his parents and sisters ($30,400/$35,000) ‼️

Support Ziad Shaheen’s family in Gaza ($11,255/$18,000) ‼️

Help Zaina and her baby brother evacuate ($7,449 CAD/$80,000 CAD - VERY low on funds) Donations are suspended for this page as Zaina's gfm manager works on making a new one after encountering troubles

Help Mustafa evacuate his family and get treatment for his 8 year old son (€177/€90,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Moin and his family evacuate ($15,102/$30,000) Please also consider supporting Moin's siblings

Help Salem and fellow displaced families afford necessities ($18,533/$40,000)

Evacuate Fadi's Family from Gaza ($38,573/$62,500)

Help Tahani save her children and husband ($18,084/$50,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Sahar evacuate her husband and daughter (€19,221/€30,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Yusuf's family evacuate and treat his kidney failure (€42,016/€85,000) ‼️

Help Ahmed family to travel to a save place (£8,463/£30,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Save a Pregnant Mother's Life and Support Her Family (€27,365/€45,000)

Khader and Ragheb Appeal: Rebuilding Life Beyond the Horrors (€2,573/€55,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Donate to help baby Elana and her mother (€11,301/€30,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help my Family To Evacuate Gaza, organized by Mohammed Bardaweel (€7,095/€37,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Shahd evacuate his family ($80,250/$80,000)

Help Mohammed Alanqer evacuate his wife and children (€49,906/€58,000)

Help Firas Salem save his family (€34,384/€65,000) ‼️

Save Hassan's sisters Donations have been suspended, I have reached out to the organizer and am awaiting a response

Help Tala treat her mother's cancer (€13,077/€40,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Hamza Hilles get his family out of Gaza (€3,180/€30,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Mohammed Hilles evacuate his family (€26,762/€37,000)

Help Rania evacuate her husband and children (£1,196/£35,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Tawfik evacuate his parents and younger siblings ($17,540/$40,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Us Escape Gaza: A Mother's Plea for Safety (€12,461/€16,000)

Save The Sharif Family ($9,576/$90,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Fadi Ayyad's family evacuate and continue their lives outside of Gaza ($31,409/$35,000)

Save Mahmoud Khalaf's family (€19,118/€30,000)

Hani Al-Sharif and family's evacuation fund ($3,795/$50,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Support Ahmed's family's evacuation (€45,918/€49,000)

Help baby Omer evacuate and get treatment ($27,152/$55,000)

Save Yazan's family (€3,976/€50,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Support the Shamaly family's evacuation (24,160 CAD/$90,000 CAD - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Help Samer's family evacuate (kr102,362 SEK/kr450,000 SEK - VERY low on funds)

Evacuate Basel's family (CHF5,266/CHF60,000 - VERY low on funds)

A Father's Plea: Help Save My Family (€11,412/€23,000 - VERY low on funds)

Help Walaa evacuate and get access to insulin ($9,392 CAD/$50,000 CAD - VERY low on funds)

Dr. Mohammed Aldeeb's family evacuation fund (€33,904/€55,000)

Ahmed Balousha's family evacuation fund (€4,685/€15,000 - VERY low on funds)

Support Ashraf's Family Rebuild Their Lives (€15,672/€20,000)

Save Amira's family (€19,641/€29,000)

Save Khaled, Rajaa, and Kram ($8,130 CAD/$20,000 CAD - VERY low on funds)

Support Muhammad Al-Habil and his family's evacuation (€20,100/€50,000)

Save Wafaa's family (€16,312/€100,000 - VERY low on funds)

Support Mohiy, Wafaa's brother ($8,967/$31,000 - VERY low on funds)

Support Fidaa, Wafaa and Mohiy's sister ($5,206/$10,000)

Help Mohammed Al-Seifi's family survive ($3,445/$7,000)

Support Ameina and her family ($20,312/$100,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Save Iyad's family (CHF10,005/CHF20,000 - VERY low on funds)

Amjad's family evacuation (€3,215/€97,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Aseel Asaad's family ($5,253/$20,000 - VERY low on funds) Aseel previously reached out to me here. The link attached to her name is her new fundraiser, please donate there.

Hanaa, Muhammad, and their son Yusuf (£6,809/£20,000 - VERY low on funds)

Mahmoud Alkhaldi's family ($6,472/$50,000 - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Abdelrahman's family (€14,365/€20,000)

Maria's family ($361 CAD/$30,000 CAD - VERY low on funds) ‼️

Falestine and her son Youssef ($7,595/$40,000 - VERY low in funds)

Motaz, Fedaa, and their children (kr3,646 SEK/kr250,000 SEK - VERY low on funds)

Hadiya's family (€3,370/€50,000 - VERY low on funds)

[should-be-sleeping]

Tough day today... and friendly reminder that being human is easier when we help each other.

I saw one of our neighbors, an older woman we sometimes talk to in passing, sitting outside of her house. I don't know what exactly made me look twice, but on second glance as we drove by I realized her walker was in the grass. She was otherwise just sitting there, like she had a thousand times before, so it would have been easy to assume she was fine and go on with my life as normal but something told me to go check in on her anyway.

She was not fine. She was the polar opposite of fine. Just diagnosed with terminal cancer not fine. No next of kin not fine. A veteran facing eviction from her house for missing rent while in the hospital not fine. In constant debilitating pain not fine. Only semi-lucid not fine. She was extremely alone not fine.

I thought, at most, she might be bored while unable to pick up her walker not fine. A five minute detour from my day not fine. A help her back into her house and say "see you later!" not fine. Instead I spent the last three hours with her because she was so scared and alone and no one should be alone.

We talked a lot while I was there. She's actually two years younger than my mom (who also has cancer but slightly better luck, I guess). I helped her into her house and got her a drink and we talked about what all is going on with her. None of it was good. I was as reassuring as I could be, but there's only so much of this I can actually help her with.

"Why did you come?" she asked through tears.

"Because you looked like you might need some help."

She called me an angel. I told her I was just doing my best. I told her that kindness should never be rare. That we should all try to make the world just a little bit better than it was.

She offered to pay me but I told her I was just there as a friend. Before today we were basically strangers. No need to repay me with anything other than her company, I assured her. She cried, a lot. I managed not to somehow. Something tells me she had needed to cry long before this but in being Strong she never had the chance to.

She needed to get her mail, which is a long walk when you're disabled because it is not at all handicap accessible (across a parking lot, over a bridge, across a small field). So I helped her get her mail. We stopped every three feet because her pain was so bad, but she was determined to be able to go do this with me and not just send me on an errand. I patiently stayed with her and reminded her, through her apologies, it was fine to take our time: there was a nice breeze and birds were singing. She appreciated this. She loves nature.

Halfway back she said she wanted to go to the pool. To put her feet in the water. She loves water, and has not been able to even see the pool in a month. Neither of us were dressed for swimming, but I took her to the pool anyway. There is a stair leading down to it, meaning she couldn't bring her walker, so I offered her my arm.

We went to the pool. She put her feet in the water and then, with more energy and enthusiasm than I'd seen the whole time, she jumped in. In her fancy dress! She was instantly ten years younger at least, clear and happy, floating in the sun. Dress and all. She grew up with a pool and had been on a swim team.

I sat by the edge of the pool while she swam, keeping her company and also making sure she was okay. When she got tired I took her back home and then had to help her get undressed and redressed. I made sure she felt no shame. Getting out of wet clothes is hard for anyone, let alone someone with like twenty pounds of tumors racking them with constant pain.

She was so fucking happy to have gone swimming.

She is trying to "make everything right" before she goes. Trying to repay her debt to society and her debts in general. She couldn't understand why the corporation that owns our houses wouldn't take her money. She was genuinely distressed -- not to be homeless on her deathbed but to not leave this world with a clean slate. I told her intent matters. She can only do her best.

This company not letting her repay her debt was their fault, not hers.

When I finally needed to go, I told her to let me know any time she needed a hand or just wanted company. She told me she was going to die tonight. I told her I hoped not, so I could see her tomorrow. I offered her a hug, we hugged and she sobbed for a solid ten minutes into my shoulder. I told her she was okay. That it was okay.

When I got home I cried myself, because I could not believe she was going through all of that alone. I cannot even imagine how isolated she must have felt. Once I pulled myself back together I sent her a text reminding her to reach out any time and I'd do my best to come over. Like, any time at all.

I hope she is here tomorrow.

[lastoneout]

It's also like super fucking infuriating to see people continue to argue that generative AI is the best way for disabled and/or poor people to make art because like, you know what helps make art more accessible? Giving poor and disabled people money.

Like take me for instance, I'm disabled. I get severe migraines and intense leg/back pain if I sit at my computer for too long, my hEDS makes holding pens and pencils hard, my ADHD makes it hard for me to start certain tasks and/or stop them before I potentially hurt myself, my neck also hurts if I look down too much, my dyslexia AND my ADHD both make it difficult to keep track of a story as I write and use correct spelling and grammar, plus, I need to prioritize taking care of myself and going to appointments and keeping my house clean and that takes up a lot of my free time. All of these things make creating the kind of art I want to create difficult if not occasionally impossible.

So what do you think would solve my problems better? Giving me money so that I can have a drawing tablet and desk chair that won't hurt my neck or back, another tablet + pen and a lap table and comfortable body pillows for drawing in bed, easier transportation to my doctors appointments, effective treatment for my chronic pain and migraines, the ability hire someone to help me keep my house clean, a spelling/grammar checker that isn't complete ass, and a therapist and psychatrist who can help me manage my ADHD better?

Or an AI program that takes my input and spits out a drawing or story made of stolen content glued together that, in the case of the art, I cannot meaningfully edit without starting over, which also destroys the environment in the process?

Seems pretty obvious to me. I don't need AI, I need help to manage the things that are actually stopping me from being able to write and draw.

Or take my mom. She's had severe rhumatoid arthritis since she was a small child, her hands are deformed and she relies on her wheelchair to get around. She doesn't need AI to help her paint, she needs special paint brushes she can actually hold, a table her wheelchair will fit at, and someone to help her with personal hygiene/keep her house clean/take her to doctors appointments so she actually has free time to paint.

Does that poor kid growing up in public housing with parents who are too poor to afford art classes or supplies or to send them to college really need a computer program to draw for them, or do they need support to help them take those classes, buy drawing supplies, and money so they can go to college.

Blind people can paint, deaf musicians exist, people with missing limbs find all sorts of ways to make art, people with parkinson's paint with typewriters, my mother can't hold a normal paintbrush and she makes some of the most beautiful watercolor paintings I've ever seen, Van Gogh had bipolar disorder and only sold like one painting when he was alive, I mean for real how many different artists have you heard of who's biographies start with them being born into poverty?

This is not meant to be inspiration porn, these people are just ones who were able to find ways to make art despite their struggles. They shouldn't have had to struggle at all, but god imagine how many more artisrs and writers we could have had if none of them had to overcome those struggles. It breaks my heart to think of all the wonderful art that never got to exist because no one helped the people who could have made it actually have the time, money, support, and safety they needed to make it. AI would not have saved them because making art isn't the problem, being disadvantaged is the problem. Living in a world that refuses to make room for you is the problem. Being fucking poor is the problem. Humans have always found ways to make art despite huge barriers, the solution isn't a computer that makes art for them, it's SUPPORT AND MONEY SO THEY CAN OVERCOME THOSE BARRIERS AND MAKE THEIR OWN ART.

As a last example: I love watching dancing and I would love to be able to dance, but I'm terrible at it(I got kicked off a dance team for not being able to learn the dance at all despite spending weeks on it, idk my brain wasn't made for dancing) and my disabled body makes it more pain than pleasure if not actively dangerous, anyway. Having a robot dressed to look like me dance next to me while I get to watch would not make me feel like I'm getting to dance. It would actually be extremely fucking demoralizing and frustrating. I would hate that!!

Having an AI spit out a painting or book would not make me feel like I got to paint or write a book. It's a fucking anamatronic doll running on stolen ideas and it will never be the same as getting to actually expirience the joy of creating art first hand. AI is not the solution. Helping people who need it is the solution. And I am CONSTANTLY pissed to think about all the time and money that goes into these fucking AI programs that would be better spent helping disabled and poor people get the help they need so they can make art themselves, all while the people running the nightmare plagiarism pollution machines pretend that their horrible inventions exist to help people like me.

[symphogear]

Possible Eviction Help Emergency

My mother has informed me that Housing had not received payments for rent from April to August of this year. However on June I had covered that month's rent but they are saying they never received it. Now the worst thing is that the payment stub I had for the direct deposit I got is gone. It was with some mail I had in my room but has since disappeared and I don't know where it is or if it was thrown away.

My mom says she should be able to prove she paid for April and May of this year but knowing her, I have my doubts.

They basically want $1,914 before September 17th or we will be removed from our home.

On top of that I also have my phone bill of $126 that needs to be paid or I will lose access to that, along with $200 for my internet. I had the money for it last month but got sick really badly and had to use that money to properly treat myself since I had no other income to use to do so.

tl;dr

I need possibly $1,914 before September 17th to stay in my home.

and another $326 just to keep my phone and internet so I can keep looking for possible work if I can get through this stupid mess.

Paypal Link Is Here

[munsonfamilyband]

I’ve decided to elaborate on Steve’s Mom being good

~~~~

“Elizabeth Harrington.” She didn’t usually answer calls but Richard was busy preparing for his meeting that afternoon, so here she was answering the cellphone she had bought so that Steve could reach them at any time.

“Hi there, are you Steven Harrington’s mother?”

“Yes… who am I speaking to?” There was a pit of worry growing in her stomach, somehow she knew this wouldn’t be a nice conversation.

“I’m calling from Hawkins Memorial Hospital. Your son has just been admitted and is being treated for infected animal bites and a potential concussion. We’re calling because your son has a history of head trauma and we wanted to inform his family that he is being treated.” Her heart stopped for a moment, barely able to hear over the ringing in her ears. Her son, her only son, her baby, was in the hospital. What did she mean infected animal bites? And history of head trauma? What had she missed as she allowed Richard to drag her all over the country.

“Thank you, I-we will be there as soon as we can. We will be there, thank you.” She hung up before the nurse could respond and, blinking back tears, began gathering her things and throwing them into her suitcase. As she was folding up her skirts, Richard walked into the bedroom and raised an eyebrow.

“What are you doing?”

“We need to leave, I just got a call from the hospital at home, Steve is there, he-“ She was interrupted by Richard scoffing and she looked up to see him roll his eyes.

“We can’t leave, Elizabeth. I have a very important meeting this afternoon. Besides, Steven will be fine, he was last time.” Elizabeth froze, her blood going cold as she stared at Richard in dawning horror.

“What do you mean, last time?”

“The boy is so needy. I got a call last summer from that hospital that Steven was there, something about his job at the mall, I don’t know. We were in the middle of that big merger and I said he would be fine. And he was, when we came home-“

“We didn’t come home until late August, that merger was around the fourth. My son was in the hospital and you never told me?” The cold numbness she had felt just moments ago was disappearing, fast, and replaced by a burning hot rage. Fury that she had put up with this man for so long, that she had let him do so much to her son, that she hadn’t noticed that her son had been hurt last summer. “Who do you think you are to hide that from me?!”

“I am your husband, and I can hide whatever I like from you. The boy is fine, he doesn’t need more of your coddling.” In that moment, anger coursing through her veins, Elizabeth made a quick decision. Straightening her back, she turned away from Richard to begin packing again.

“Fine, if you don’t want to come, you don’t have to. I will go by myself and be with my son.”

“How exactly are you planning to get there? You’re not taking my car.”

“I don’t need your car. In case you have forgotten, I am the one with the money in this marriage. I have my inheritance, and the house- speaking of,” she grabbed the phone, dialing a number and turning to face him as she put it to her ear. With a grin, she heard the bank correspondent answer and ask what they could do for her. “Hello, I am looking to remove someone from my account.” She stared at Richard with a smug grin as she recited the account number and told them who she wanted removed. “And if you could add a message or something in your books to let anyone know that if he tries to access the account to not let him and call the police, that would be greatly appreciated.” When they confirmed that the note had been recorded and her account was all hers, she thanked them and hung up. “You can keep the parts of my inheritance that I gave you, but the rest of it is mine.” She took great pleasure in seeing how red his face was before turning back to her luggage and zipping it up. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go see my son. You should be getting a letter from a divorce attorney in a few days.”

She left the room without saying goodbye and got in a cab, heading straight to the airport. Elizabeth thought she should be crying, she had just ended her 30 year long marriage after all, but she felt like screaming instead. Screaming about how free she felt for the first time in her life.

The airport was full of people running around, clearly trying to get somewhere but being stopped by something. It wasn’t until she caught sight of a TV screen that she realized what was happening.

“7.4 Magnitude Earthquake Rocks Hawkins, IN”

She starts walking toward the counter faster.

———

After managing to charter a small plane to get as close to Hawkins as she could, then getting a cab that was willing to drive into Hawkins, Elizabeth found herself running into the hospital and fighting her way though the crowd of people to the nurses station.

“I’m looking for Steven Harrington, I got a call a couple hours ago that he was here-“ A voice behind her spoke before the nurse could.

“You’re here for Steve?” She turned and saw a group of the most dirty teenagers she may have ever seen. She could vaguely recognize two of the children as Sue Sinclair’s but she didn’t know their names. She did recognize Nancy Wheeler, though she had thought her and Steve weren’t dating anymore.

“Nancy?” The girl mirrored her own confused face, brow furrowed as they looked at each other.

“Mrs. Harrington? What are you doing here?”

“I got a call in Chicago that Steve was here and I came as fast as I could, what are you…I thought you and Steve weren’t-“

“Oh! No, we aren’t dating, but we are friends and he got hurt so….here we are.” Nancy gestured to the other people around her, including a girl her age in a red beret that was staring at her like she was an alien.

“Right….” Just as she was about to ask who the others were, a nurse tapped her on the shoulder and informed her that she could come back to see Steve. Elizabeth didn’t even stop to say goodbye to the group of children she had just seen, all she could focus on was seeing her son.

When she entered his room - after having to go into a new wing with men in black suits standing in front of the doors - she nearly collapsed. Because there was her son, lying in a hospital bed with bandages wrapped around his head and neck, looking so small in a way he hadn’t since he was little. She stumbled forward and the noise she made had Steve jolting, looking around the room like a cornered animal. She hurried closer and grabbed his hand in both of hers, getting him to focus fully on her.

“Steve, sweetie, you’re okay, it’s just me.” He squinted in her direction before something like shock covered his face.

“….mom? What are you…what are you doing here?” Her heart cracked at the hesitancy in his voice and she felt tears drip down her cheeks.

“I got a call from the hospital earlier, I got on a plane and got here as fast as I could. Your father….well, he’s not here.” Steve stared at her, processing her words as he blinked slowly.

“Why now? You didn’t come last time, why now?” She could see the tears shining in his eyes that he was fighting back and her heart cracked all over again.

“Oh, my sweet boy…. If I had known, I would have been here.”

“What…what do you mean, if you had known? The hospital called, how could you-“ He cut himself off and his eyes widened slightly. “Dad….dad got the call, didn’t he?” She nodded sadly, knowing that no more had to be said. Reaching forward, she cupped his cheek with one of her hands, rubbing her thumb gently under his eye and she smiled sadly as he leaned into it.

“I’m leaving your father.” Steve’s attention snapped back to her, trying to sit up in his bed and she quickly shushed him, guiding him back to laying down. “I should have left him years ago. All the things I let him do to you….I am so, so sorry, Steve. I should have done this a long time ago but I wasn’t brave enough. Finding out that you had been hurt enough to be in the hospital and he never told me… that was the final straw for me. I already took him off the inheritance account.”

“Mom…. That- I am so proud of you. I can’t imagine how scary that was-“ She brushed that aside with a wave of her hand.

“We can worry about that later, me being on my own is not the most important thing right now. Steve, baby, what happened? They said you had infected animal bites, and-and a history of head trauma? How much…. How much have I missed in your life?” They stared at each other in silence and she watched Steve thinking about his next words very carefully. His careful thinking didn’t do much good though when his tears came back with a vengeance.

“Mama….” Immediately she was wrapping him in her arms. He hadn’t called her that in years, ever since Richard insisted that she was coddling him too much. He was only 8, but out of fear or a need to please, she had listened and the nights of watching movies with him curled into her side had ended. They had been so close when he was little but had drifted apart after that moment. Now, she knew that she wouldn’t leave him again because here he was, crying in her arms and calling her mama for the first time in a decade.

“It’s alright, my sweet boy, it’s alright, I’m right here…”

———

When Steve had calmed down some he was able to tell her everything, after warning her that she would have to sign multiple NDAs just by hearing what he had to say. She was horrified, and angry, and she wanted to kill her husband for dragging her away from her son when he had been fighting monsters for years without her even knowing. Once he had explained it all, she pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Do you mind if I step out? I’m going to go call an attorney to get the divorce process started now. I want to be done with your father as soon as I possibly can be.” He nodded but was having a hard time letting go of her hand, so with a gentle smile she took off her jacket and handed it over to him. “I promise I will be back. Do you want me to send someone else in while I’m gone? All of the children you adopted are in the lobby.”

He gave her a dry smile, clearly feeling better if he could sense her joke. “Could you send Robin in?” He was holding onto her jacket for dear life, and with a pang she was reminded of him clutching his teddy bear the same way when he was little.

“I can do that. Is Robin…?” She wanted to know everything she had missed, and if he had a girlfriend then she wanted to know.

“Robin? Oh, god, no. The kids joke that we share a brain sometimes, but I think we have twin souls. I haven’t….I don’t have the match to my soul yet, but Robin and I, ours are identical. She’s my best friend.” Elizabeth knew what he was talking about and smiled as she left the room. As a child he had been obsessed with soulmates, he took after her romantic heart. He had said he wanted to meet the person whose soul completed his, but she had told him that wasn’t how it worked. His soul was already complete, but his soulmate would have a soul that added to his, like paintings in a series: complete works on their own but they become something bigger when they are together. He had clearly taken that idea to heart and was trying to find that person.

Stepping into the lobby she found it mostly empty, clearly people had been moved to see their loved ones. With a gently cough to get the groups attention, she spoke. “Which one of you is Robin?”

The girl in the beret sat up straight, staring her down in an almost challenging way. “I am. Why?”

“I have to make a call and he’s asked if you could go back.” The girl stood and narrowed her eyes at her.

“What? Couldn’t even stay with him for an hour before you had to run off-“

“Robin!” Nancy cut her off, clearly telling her to be nicer but Elizabeth appreciated the girl’s fierce protection of her son.

“I’m calling a divorce lawyer so that I can finally leave Steve’s father. I want to get it started as fast as possible so that neither of us has to deal with him far any longer than we absolutely need to.” The girl blinked at her in surprise and Elizabeth placed a gentle hand on her arm. “I know I haven’t been there for Steve, and I hate myself for how long I let it go on. I know he and I will have a lot of things to work through, but I am not planning on leaving him again. I’m glad he has a friend like you, though. Finding someone who matches you on such a deep level is rare, and if anyone deserves that, it’s him.” The girl nodded at her with wide eyes and Elizabeth walked away to go find a phone.

When she returned to Steve’s room later everyone else had moved into the space, including someone on a second bed closer to the window. Steve noticed her first and reached a hand out to her.

“Mom…” Without hesitation, she pulled a chair over and sat down beside him, clutching his hand in hers and pressing a kiss to the top of it.

“Hi, sweetie. The attorney is finalizing the paperwork and then sending it to your father so he should be getting it in a few days.” Steve gave her a tired smile and then looked around the room.

“Do you…do you want me to introduce you to everyone?”

“If you feel up for it, I would love to meet them.”

“Alright, well you know Nance and you already spoke with Robin.” He gestured to the girls sitting on the other side of his bed before nodding to the little girl curled up in a chair by his feet, resting her head against his leg. “That’s Erica, you and Sue Sinclair were friends right? She’s her youngest. Lucas was in the waiting room but he’s with Max next door, he’s Sue’s older kid. Max is his maybe-girlfriend, it’s complicated.” Elizabeth smiled at the little girl who had curled one fist around the blankets of Steve’s bed. She could hear Steve slurring his words a little from exhaustion but he kept talking. He looked over at the other bed where a boy his age with long hair was sleeping, covered in bandages, and another boy, younger than Steve but not as young as Erica, who was sleeping on the couch under the window. “That’s Dustin on the couch, he’s the one whose cat got eaten, remember? And then, uh, that’s Eddie, in the bed. He’s-he’s new, this is his first go around, and he got really hurt but they said he’ll be okay.”

Elizabeth managed to school her face into a neutral expression when she saw the blush that colored Steve’s cheeks when he spoke about Eddie. She could see in his eyes and hear in his voice that he was well on his way to being smitten with the other boy but she didn’t want to startle him too badly. So she decided to wait to speak to him about that until later.

The time finally came a couple hours later, Steve had just woken up again and everyone else had fallen asleep so Elizabeth took her chance.

“Steve? I know I haven’t been great about showing you lately, but I do love you very much. And if, for any reason, you had something you wanted to tell me, I wouldn’t stop loving you.” He blinked at her, the blush rising up his neck once again.

“Uh, well, I know I said I hadn’t found the match to my soul yet, but that may not be fully true.” She gave him a smile and glanced over at the other bed.

“I can see what you see in him, he’s your type.” Steve turned bright red.

“He’s-what-I don’t-what do you mean by that?”

“Well, he looks a lot like Nancy is all. Big curly hair, large eyes. I also know how you felt about that man in the space movie, the one who did that treasure hunting movie?”

“I-Mom are you talking about Harrison Ford?”

“Yes, that’s his name! I can tell when you like someone, Steve, and you always paid more attention to those movies.” Steve just groaned in embarrassment.

“I can’t believe that you picked up on that.” He glanced at her, the nervousness back on his face. “You aren’t… you don’t care, that he’s a guy?”

“Steve, my beautiful boy, all I want is for you to be happy. Besides, I have a cousin back in Italy who just married a man a few years ago. I thought it was rather romantic, that they decided to get married even if the law wouldn’t recognize it.” Steve smiled at her, tears in his eyes.

“I’ve missed you so much, mama.”

“And I’ve missed you, sweetie. Go back to sleep, you need your rest.” He nodded at her and in moments he was back to sleep.

She knew they had a lot to do, a lot of healing both on their own and together to get over years of trauma and trust issues, but she knew, somehow, that they would be okay.

[sunshinetomorrow]

help a disabled trans woman get herself (and her cat) across the country and away from her family

hi everyone, i didn't ever want to have to be the one making a post like this but i'm kind of out of options here. ive had to move back in with my mom over the past few months but things have been getting more and more unstable and its really taking a lot of a toll on my mental health + has been actively retraumatizing to an extent.

the original plan was to move all of my stuff with me at once to go live with my partner in texas in a month, but due to unforeseen circumstances my mom had to move out of her current place this weekend. she now wants me to come back with her and help her move back in with my grandparents, but this would mean moving in the literal opposite direction from where i want to go and getting even further from my goal of autonomy from her/the rest of my family.

my partners lease ends in a month and we were going to get an apartment together, but in light of everything i think the safest option for me right now is to fly out early and stay with them until then. the biggest issue is my cat piper, i don't want to leave her with my mom since i don't know when i'd even be back to pick her up. unfortunately though, this means i will have to pay for a pet travel fee on top of my plane ticket, as well as checked bag fees for any of my possessions i want to have access to over the next month.

^ from what i can find, delta has the lowest rates for boarding pets, but they have pretty expensive checked bag policies (35 for the first bag and 45 for the second). all in all, i need around $350 to get myself, my cat and my basic clothes and possessions away from my family and safely with my partner at any time in the next week.

i don't have a specific goal date besides "as soon as possible" because the plane ticket prices will be changing every day. i also have a small amount of money saved up which could pay for part of this, but the longer i spend around my mom the more she is going to make me spend it on food or other things for our family. any additional funding will be spent on travel expenses or food and litter costs for piper!!

^ heres my paypal (ignore my strange username, somehow im one of the only trans people who doesnt have their deadname on paypal and im scared to change it bc of that)

i will keep everyone updated on this post!!!

$0/350

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

For as long as I've had cash to carry, I've carried a little cash in my wallet explicitly to give anyone out panhandling when I'm running errands, or hitchhikers when I drop them off. I learned the habit from my mom who carried a lil tote bag in the trunk with cash, travel hygeine kits, and nut/wheat free protein bars and water bottles. She picked up a lot of people on the way out to Chico and other ag towns, and it was important to her that she always leave them at their destination with resources.

One day, I was driving a date home from lunch and we had our leftovers in the car with us. I pulled off to give a man a little younger than I am now my on-hand cash and when we drove off my date started scolding me for giving him my money instead of giving him our leftovers.

I was, frankly, stunned. The idea that it would be better to hand the man a styrofoam box with a half eaten burger than to give him a $10 bill he could use to buy his own food was baffling to me.

"Well, if he's really homeless, I'm sure he'd be grateful for anything. And besides, he's just some stranger off the street! Why do you just believe what his sign says?" My date was so sure that I had given the man money because I pitied him. Because I wanted to help. Simply couldn't fathom that I'd done it because he asked and I could do so.

See, I don't give out my on-hand cash because people are needy and I am benevolent. I do it because people who ask for what they need have to be able to interact with people who will give them what they ask for in full recognition of their humanity. It's what lets you KEEP asking for what you need when it matters or is hard. And trust me. No one is asking a road full of strangers to help them meet their needs if it didn't matter to do so. I don't really care WHY they need what they need or if they're honest with me about it. It's not important to me to know those things. Someone asked. I could answer. So I did.

I've been seeing the conversation of "can you really trust who people say they are on the internet? Why are you giving money to strangers? What if they're scamming you?" popping back up more often as the world descends into conflict and climate change and medical neglect. I get it. If people can just post a sob story and get away with defrauding people of thousands of dollars, it feels unjust! Maybe you're even offended on behalf of ACTUAL victims and the money they might not get because it went to a fraudster!

It sounds just like my date that day, so sure that I was giving money to a young man on a street corner because I saw him as broken and in need of my salvation. If you are giving to strangers and upset that the money may serve different functions than you believed at the time, then why ARE you giving to strangers? Why do you feel so entitled to micromanage someone's life because you might give or have given them a gift? Perhaps you should reserve your gifts for those whom you won't feel compelled to attach strings.

I give to fundraisers online not because I assume every one is genuine. Do I check things out? Sure! But I also assume that once I have chosen to give, even someone who has been totally honest in their pleas may still spend "my money" on something unrelated. Why should I care? It was a gift. It's not mine anymore.

"But I could/would have spent it better!" Then you should have. But you chose to spend it by making it a gift. You don't get to dominate somebody because of that. If you're NOT confident that you are fine never thinking about the money again once you give it to the person in question, don't give it to them! But don't make yourself the person who demands why others give cash to panhandlers who "might not actually need it" instead of some other, more insulting option. Honestly best practice is probably to Simply Not Comment on how others spend their money unless it is somehow also your money and you need to access it.

I think it would be good to learn that about online fundraisers too. Especially when the consequences of falsely naming someone a faker or a fraud is, as it so often has been when it comes to the dynamic of begging strangers for money, a fucking death sentence. Maybe you just let people make the choice they're most comfortable with and do the same for yourself without acting like you have the right to the roles of judge, jury, and executioner.

And if you think this is about a specific set of fundraisers? Yes. It is. It's about nearly every surge of desperate fundraising I've seen over the last decade. And I'm sure it'll be about the next decade's worth too. The internet is the modern world's traffic stop, and social media fundraising is the new panhandling. The arguments for and against haven't changed just because the medium has.

[aicosu]

Guys, I hate to do this.

Any of you who know me in any circle know that I'm a very professional, very private lady who hates any sort of disc horse breeds that might give me a headache. But this one is important, and my goal here is the integrity and reputation of artists.

For my credentials: I have been a part of five zines in the past. Two I moderated, and one I ran, created, laid out, printed, and shipped in its entirety.

So anyway:

HELLCHEER ZINE BULLSHIT

I joined Hellcheer and the Kindred Freaks Zine very late. Well, after sign ups, check-ins, etc. I saw it was happening in april-ish and shot a DM to the twitter to join. I did both a full art page and a cosplay page.

At the time, the server was quiet but kind. We got updates on the number of orders and books being made.

@Lawless is the runner of the Zine. They created and organized it. They are in charge of the main emails, the selling website, the orders, the shipping, and the funds. (To be clear, this level of sole responsibility is not ABNORMAL in a zine. And is not always an issue.)

@Valerie is the 'social media' mod. They are in charge of managing announcements and answering questions on Twitter and Tumblr. Please keep in mind: No one wants anything but a fast and easy recovery for both Lawless and their mother. Medical emergencies, heck—LIFE happens. It's always okay to put a hiatus on anything, even product with money, in order to take care of yourself and family. Every single contributor only wants them to be clear in what they need and how we can help.

So lets break down what's happening.

Back in May, Lawless went radio silent on the status of books and merch coming in. Another contributor and I, @Toguchin, start dming Lawless to make sure everything is on track. They come back after a week and apologize for being MIA, explaining that their mom got sick. We thank them for all their hard work and wish them and their mom well.

On July 15th, after contributors and customers inquire on delays to meeting the announced shipping deadline, Lawless makes a twitter post saying shipping has started and contributor copies will be happening. They proceeded to go MIA from the server discord and have been since.

The following week, contributors and customers discover that shipping HAS NOT started. Labels have been created and printed, but nothing appears to be in transit at all.

Toguchin and I started getting reached out to by customers worrying their packages are lost. We report this to the zine server to NO RESPONSE. Except @Ashlee, the discord mod who also has heard nothing.

July 20th to 22nd with customers complaining and theorizing a scam in mind; Toguchin and I propose that PDFs be given out to assure and apologize for delays.

We as a server discover a few things: 1. We cannot access the list of buyers at all in order to email apology zines because Lawless did not share the account information with anyone. 2. We cannot access the main email for the same reason. 3. Valerie, the social media mod, deleted discord and distanced themselves from the Hellcheer fandom and has not been checking the Twitter or tumblr, or discord notifications since May.

Ashlee and Ichikun contact Valerie to sign on.

I made a new email and said fuck it, we need to do something to assuage fears, let them send receipts to honor their zines. Valerie didn't know what to post or say or how to answer everyone, so I gave them a copy paste.

Still no words from Lawless but hoping for the best knowing the have a medical emergency, Ashlee and I begin answering the new email for PDFs, but cant help people change addresses or give them any update!!!

Throughout the weeks mods and contributors ping Lawless constantly asking if they need any help! Any help at all, answering emails, changing order addresses, heck a few of us ask if we can pick up the books and packages and ship stuff for them so they can hands off the project and take care of their mom. No response.

We send message after message saying if Lawless can share picture proof, that would be great cause scam theories and chargebacks are starting. BUT ALSO, we let Lawless know we and customers will ABSOLUTELY UNDERSTAND delays if they just communicate it. That if they post in server and on Twitter that shipping needs to wait a month or two, no one will mind. No responses.

July 31, Lawless makes a Twitter update with comments disabled that they are shipping ALL packages that monday with a picture of packages. They also call Valerie privately and tell the issue that USPS refuses to pick up shipments from Lawless has, and they can't leave their mothers side from the post office. They also claim they can only deliver ten packages at a time at the post when they go. *USPS has no such rules. Me and other mutuals who run shops have never had such a problem.

A week later, we realize that customers and our packages are still not in transit. Labels printed only. Most of us assume all packages are just label printed and sitting at Lawless' house.

We beg for updates from Valerie or Lawless. Valerie doubles down on Lawless old reasonings and also officially goes MIA until present day.

Throughout August, USA packages get delivered. A few more updates are made straight to Twitter and Tumblr with comments off. Radio silence in server.

As packages arrive, we all become aware from people's posts and pictures that random Stranger Things Art Stickers are included. No credit to any artist is given? No contributor is responsible for this art. These are suspected to be BOUGHT from Amazon. STOLEN arts amazon sellers resell in packs. NO contributor is okay with this!!! Valerie responds with no response at all.

As of now:

No response to missing digital copies. Ashlee and I cannot give out any without receipts because we have no access to buyers list. Nor can we answer missing packages inquiries cause we have no info. International packages unaccounted for. SCRUNCHIES FREE OR OTHERWISE UNACCOUNTED FOR. Zero word on contributor copies. Zero word on donation status. Zero word on generated profit or book and shipping cost. No way to verify funds at all. No word from Lawless to contributors since July 15. From Valerie since the 31st.

Some notes:

Turning off twitter comments was NEVER what any one of us wanted. A ZINE LAYOUT was never shared. So until people had them in hand or in PDF none of us realized that the credits DO NOT POINT TO ANY SOCIAL MEDIA. All of our usernames are handle-less? This was extremely disappointing. This one matters to me: Our FanEdit artist was not aware their work was not getting a full page. Again no pre-layout was shared. So their work is tiny and in the margins of the front and back. That's not okay. All of us wanted to help in any way we could. NONE of us doubt Lawless intentions or emergencies. But lying, misleading, non-communicating and turning off comments are all things we did not consent to. All of us only wanted a cordial, honest response. None of us actually cared about delays as much as we did communications. There has been many noticeable times Lawless has been online, posting privately or otherwise, even active on Discord and has not reached out.

Why make a post:

Customers should know contributors fought for them. That we did everything we could and our reputation as artists in the fandom shouldn't be tarnished cause two creators decided to disappear. Contributors should get their copies. Many of us BOUGHT bundles. I've been in five zines and every single one gave out free contributor copies WITH merch!!

I'm also attaching all server screenshots for integrity. I'm in half a mind to release the zine PDF publicly, for free, for everyone at this point. I personally think it's only fair since many are still missing just that. But I do not want to insult anyone who paid for just the PDF regardless of the potential contribution to charity. But it's really up to customers, not me.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

[shifterglitter]

All Aboard Hippocampus, The Shifting Chariot

EDIT: We have a discord link now. (https://discord.gg/mtZh8FFV)

I want this to be a community Cruise WR/DR where we will get to experience all of the ports this world and the next has to offer. You are all invited to read the information below the cut, and I hope to see you on the seas.

(This will be my first time group shifting and as I understand it, not everyone believes this is possible. If that is true for you, I welcome you to view this invitation as a message from your own subconscious to seek out this vacation with the rest of our “clones”. Or, whatever makes sense to you. Or maybe Group Shifts are not your thing and you want a little more control? Totally fine. Please feel free to take this idea and make it your own. Safe travels.)

SO you are interested! Grand! That makes me very happy. I want you to imagine The Hippocampus as something akin to a magical version of “The Icon of the Seas”. Your Captain for this journey will be none other than Barbie, and she is ecstatic to see you brought safely to each port. 

There are a few Reality Laws I want to touch on before getting into describing what this adventure will be like for us. 

Everyone with residence on the ship will be immortal during the duration of their stay. 

Any vices that may harm you in this world will not carry over to your new reality. 

There will be no disease, viruses, bacteria, fungal, parasitic, infections or other physical ailment that can harm you in this world either. 

You will not feel pain or receive injuries. 

You will not suffer any chronic illnesses or allergies that you may have in other realities. 

Should you be neurodivergent or mentally/physically disabled you may choose whether or not you wish to discard those things at the door.

Your Invitation allows you a +1, however, beyond that extension no one else will be granted access to the ship.

To ensure the safety of all passengers, any people aboard that have violent tendencies will magically have those urges eradicated from them. Even though you can’t be harmed, no one wants to deal with fighting drama.

You will never get tired or need to sleep if you don’t want to.

If you don’t want to eat or drink, that won’t affect your health either. If you don’t do either of these your body will stop needing to use the toilet though. 

If you don’t want to experience a period on this trip you won’t, and you can’t get pregnant for any reason.  

You won’t need to shower to maintain your very fine scent, but you may want to for other reasons.

The weather will always be ideal for sailing. 

The Ship itself is indestructible, will always stay perfectly afloat, and all rooms are soundproof.

There is no money to worry about in this reality. You can’t gamble away your life savings, and everything costs nothing. Want a pastry from a mom and pop shop at port? Scan your roomkey, and that will act as payment. 

Lastly, I highly recommend setting the intention to having no time ratios. If you want to skip a few ports before coming back, you can set that up with your intentions or at the Ports & Excursions desk. 

A few things to keep in mind:

No you do not have to shift at exactly 6pm on Aug 30th. Regardless of when or how you shift, if you intend to make it for the Cast Off Pool Party you will make it there. You can also arrive as early or as late as you wish if you prefer a different experience. 

Upon shifting you will notice a “smart watch” attached to your person. This is your room key, communication device, and will help you keep track of all the things you want to do both on and off the ship. If watches aren’t your thing you can opt for a smart pendant. These items will be entirely water submersible and indestructible. If you lose it at any time head to the Help/CS desk located in the main atrium near the Port and Excursions desk.

Your ship is run by people from the Barbie Universe. Even though they are all happy to be serving you, please treat them with kindness and respect. 

You are welcome to change out your +1 as often as you like via your intentions or by visiting the CS desk. (Helpful for people who don't know if they are a good fit for certain s/os and just want a trial run.)

This cruise is set up to continue indefinitely, so permashifters are more than welcome to make this their home base.

What you can expect upon shifting to our Cast Off Pool Party?

Well first of all this reality won’t look exactly like ours. I figured a few people may bring animated beings along as their +1s so I wanted to pick a look somewhere in the middle that won’t be too jarring. I am sure you are aware that Video Game Graphics can be nearly as realistic as our world if not a little more saturated and slightly less textured. That’s what I’m going for. 

If you want to attend the Pool Party as intended I highly suggest setting your intention to shift directly to your Cabin the day of, or if you prefer awake methods, the loading pier so you get to experience walking on to the ship and directly into the Main Atrium. Which has a huge aquarium full of aquatic pokemon.  (Milotic, Vaporeon, Primarina, Horsea, Magikarp, Goldeen, Shellder, Krabby, Remoraid, Luvdisc, and Finneon.)

I guess if you wanted to you could shift directly into the party itself, but keep in mind that it will be loud and you might get bumped.

Your Accommodations:

Everyone gets their own Balcony Cabin. If you are bringing a +1 they will be staying in your room with you. It will have a spacious bathroom, a king bed that can convert into 2 twin beds, a seating area both inside and out, a desk with a touchscreen computer, a limitless TV, a Magic Mirror, and unlimited room service. (Room and bed size can adjust to fit size and preferences.) Your room's decor is guaranteed to fit your taste and once you arrive you can decorate the outside of your Door, as many cruisers do, if you wish.  The walls are still metal though, so keep in mind that if you are going to hang anything up, you will need magnates. Now, let's talk about your Mirror! It’s in your walk-in closet. It’s going to stand 7ft tall starting from the floor. Upon first looking into it a virtual Barbie or Ken helper will guide you in a user tutorial. (This Virtual Helper can also appear on your TV or Computer with a click of a button to answer any question of yours at any time.) You can “purchase” anything you like from the mirror, favorite upcoming events on the ship, view outfits on yourself, and even alter your appearance and abilities. There is a handle on it which you can use to open and retrieve things from inside. It can change size and shape temporarily to accommodate your needs, and should you need help with any of your purchases you can call room service and ask them to send someone to assist you. 

Food

The Buffet is open 7am to 10:30am for breakfast, 11:30 to 2pm for lunch, and 4pm to 9pm for dinner. This is where you can find port themed food as well. 

2 made to order take away counters at every pool open from 10am to 3am. They are all different and well marked on your roomkey smart maps. (Burgers, Pizza, Fried Chicken, Sushi, Kabob House, Street Tacos, ect…)

A Bar at each poolside for all ages open 24/7

7 elevated dining Specialty restaurants open for 3 scheduled dinner services: 6pm, 8pm, and 10pm (These areas are use for Events and Classes during the day)

If you have brought someone with you that has extreme dietary preferences, you can call room service to have those things ethically provided. (Just like you, they won't need to eat if they don't want to)

Ports

We will always arrive at each port at the perfect time of year to visit them.

Wanna visit a port in a reality you are considering making a DR for, but aren't ready to commit to? Leave the details with the stsff at the help desk and it will be added into the rotation. We will send a message of confirmation to your roomkey ASAP and will remind you the week prior to docking their so you can book the excursions (or custom scenarios) you want.

Port Days: Tuesday (earth), Thursday (earth), & Saturday/Sunday (another world)

Sea Days: Monday, Wednesday, Friday

Excursions

Just like in this reality, each port will have an aray of pre planned outings if you don’t want to explore on your own. You can schedule as many as you like, and the hours of the day will fit your desires.

Miss Frizzle will be taking a select few onto her bus each week for an extra special seaday excursion. Make sure to see this desk to schedule your turn.

Custom ports & excursions

Want to visit your own DRs on port days, take an extended vacation at a particular port, or go road tripping to the grand canyon without missing the boat as it embarks on its next journey? Head to the CPE Desk in the Main Atrium. We can and will bend the “laws” of time and space for you.

24/7 Activities and Places

Movie Theatre 

**Sailor Camp: A safe space for minors to relax; daily activities (volentairy) lead by Counselor Skipper. Complete with separate spa, mocktail bar, arcade, internet cafe, matted rumpus room, dance hall, and gymnasium. 

Planetarium

Roller Rink

Trampoline Park

Zip Line and Agility course 

Escape room

Interactive art museum (like MeowWolf)

Fitness Gym

Elevated running lap track around the whole ship

Basketball court

Badminton and pickleball courts

6 pools 6 hot tubs 3 solo waterslides and 2 raft waterslides 

Arcade and card tables

Spa: with cold room and sauna (other amenities will need appointments)

Dojo

Slack line

Botanical garden 

Library

Blacklight minigolf

Indoor and outdoor lounges

Tattoo/Piercing parlor

Barber shop

Solan (hair, skin, & nails)

Scheduled Events

Music can be heard all around the ship from 9am to 10pm, but a live DJ or concert of some kind will be playing each night on either the main pool deck or in the dance club until 2am.

Each night there will be 2 showings of a different live show. This show will run for a week before changing. It is not limited to plays or comedy acts as the stage floor can open up to an aquatic or trampoline base. 

Guest speakers can be seen a few times a week. 

Board games, trivia, and gameshow-like events are held every day from noon to 5pm. Look out for a schedule as there will be ttrpg campaigns you can sign up for twice a week. 

If you like craft, dance, or cooking Classes you’ll also want to ask your virtual helper to help you schedule those. 

Adults Only

1 of the 6 pools that has an in water bar

Specialty mixologist and hookah bar off the main atrium; with other age appropriate substances.

Dance Club open until 3am.

The suggestion box is always open at the help desk. Any concerns, ideas, or questions you have right now are welcome in this post's comments. 

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Hira's parents and his self-defeating tendencies

I was talking to @sorry-bonebag and @wen-kexing-apologist about what role Hira's parents might have played in creating the weirdness he displays throughout both seasons of Utsukushii Kare & Eternal. I started writing a response and it got too long and, well, now it's a post.

Before I talk about Hira's parents and the tendencies in him that they helped to create, I want to note that family of origin is just one of the influences that form us as people. Parents and caregivers have a huge influence, as do other family members. But so do peers. The bullying about his disability that Hira experiences nearly constantly is one of the biggest influences on his personality.

Hira's parents appear extremely briefly at the very beginning of the series. His mom fusses a bit about him being on his own and his dad is very "he has to take care of himself sometime" about it. We know they took him to specialists for his dysphemia, bought him his camera, etc.

Their departure is a show thing, by the way, and isn't present in the novel. In the novel they continue to live with him through high school and, if I remember correctly, part of college. But they don't play a big role in his life. The main things that happen involving them are either instances of Hira hiding things from them (or attempting to) or instances of his mother briefly, sporadically, having a big burst of worry about him. It would make sense if the show version of his parents were the same way aside from the leaving-him-to-live-alone part of things, though that’s not shown.

The rest of my thoughts are largely headcanon since I’m working backwards from his personality to guess about his formative years, but they match up with the little bit that’s shown in the series and how his parents are in the novel. I see Hira as having a self-defeating personality in a lot of ways. The typical etiology of this kind of personality (the set of conditions that lead up to it) is supposed to be a rather deprived childhood that is punctuated by occasional bursts of parental attention when the child is seen as in crisis somehow (or when they attract attention in other self-defeating ways, like intentionally getting in trouble).

This reminds me of something Nancy McWilliams writes about in Psychoanalytic Diagnosis, attributing the idea to someone named Emmanuel Hammer: “a masochistic person is a depressive who still has hope.” [I should note here that “masochistic personality” is an older term for self-defeating personality that is not meaningfully correlated with masochism in a sexual sense. I think that, despite how he might appear at first glance, Hira actually isn’t sexually masochistic or submissive. I have a whole mostly-written post about this that I hope will see the light of day eventually.] In other words, whereas the background that creates a depressive personality involves deprivation that's intense enough that the person gives up on the possibility of receiving the love they need, the self-defeating personality has had enough success with occasionally getting their needs met that they keep trying. If that’s what happened with Hira, it would be consistent with what we see of his parents in the series. We know they pulled out the stops at certain points when it comes to his dysphemia. Anyone who’s a parent can tell you how hard it is to get a good specialist to see your kid, even when they have some kind of glaring issue and you have decent healthcare access overall. The fact that they managed to get him in with a specialist is notable all on it own. (I actually have some stressful phone calls I need to make today in a similar vein, seeking specialist help for one of my kids.) They also spent a lot of money on a DSLR for a young kid. And yet they’re OK with letting him live alone and after that point remain very hands-off. It also seems like despite the attention they paid to his dysphemia during that one period, by the time of the series they’ve totally stopped trying to support him about it.

Basically, I think his parents are largely neglectful (emotionally rather than materially) but that every so often, they freak out and pay a bunch of attention to him because they perceive him to be in need of rescuing. When he was young, he probably appreciated the attention when it happened, but at the time of the series he gets those needs met in other ways and/or displaces that need for attention onto Kiyoi. The idea of seeking attention in this way maps especially well onto his relationship with Kiyoi, because he seeks Kiyoi’s attention and approval through exactly the sort of strategies typically used by people with self-defeating personalities. Here’s McWilliams again:

Reik (1941) explored several dimensions of masochistic acting out, including (1) provocation [she refers to a previous anecdote about a woman who feared angry outbursts by her partner because of experiences with her father; she would act out in ways that antagonized him in order to “get it over with”], (2) appeasement (“I’m already suffering, so please withhold any further punishment”), (3) exhibitionism (“Pay attention: I’m in pain”), and (4) deflection of guilt (“See what you made me do!”).

I can think of plenty of instances of provocation (the first type). Hira often does things he knows will make Kiyoi angry, and sometimes visibly relishes the negative attention.

One good example is the scene in Eternal where he creates a totally avoidable misunderstanding by vaguely talking about how “a divorce is going to happen” because of an affair, which Kiyoi takes to be referring to their relationship and specifically, to Hira cheating. When Kiyoi rears back to punch him, Hira protests for a moment but then says being killed by Kiyoi is actually a longstanding wish of his. It turns out it’s Naho-chan who is getting divorced because her husband cheated. Hira could easily have spoken more clearly when he brought this up by using subjects in his sentences. When he first brings up divorce, Kiyoi says, “Who are you to decide on your own without me agreeing? What dissatisfaction do you have with me?”, which makes it clear he thinks Hira is referring to something involving him. Yet Hira continues to speak without subjects when he elaborates and says the reason for the divorce is an affair. He only clears up the misunderstanding after Kiyoi has lost all patience and is (legitimately!) freaking out. There's no way this isn't, on some level, intentional.

One version of appeasement (the second type of self-defeating acting out) that McWilliams talks about is criticizing oneself before others can do so. It’s no exaggeration to say that Hira talking himself down to Kiyoi is a defining characteristic of their relationship. There are lots of examples of this but a particularly classic case is his constant refrain about being a “pebble.” His invitation for Kiyoi to “Please hit me as much as you want” after their fight in season 2 is another example of appeasement. 

It’s hard to pin down specific examples of Hira employing the third type of acting out, exhibitionism. It makes sense that they wouldn’t be easy to find, though. This is a very covert type of exhibitionism that doesn’t announce itself. I think you can observe it in subtle ways, though. For example, when Shirota dumps tomato juice on Kiyoi, a bunch of it gets on Hira as well. Afterwards, Kiyoi cleans the juice off of himself as best he can, seemingly as quickly as possible, and changes his clothes. But when he talks to Hira afterward, dried drops of juice are clearly visible on Hira’s face. Acidic juice on one’s face would probably feel uncomfortable, but he intentionally doesn’t wash it off. It’s like he’s wearing these stains as a badge of honor and proof of his mistreatment.

I think deflection of guilt, the fourth type, is less characteristic of Hira than the others. He tends to absorb guilt rather than deflecting it, blaming himself in a way that often takes the form of the self-critical form of appeasement.

I think it's worth noting that he also employs appeasement as a strategy in the hostile environment of high school. His biggest rule in school is to avoid attention as much as possible, so exhibitionism and provocation aren't acceptable options. (He does disobey Shirota in a way that could be considered provocation when the rift between Kiyoi and Shirota first starts to form, but I think that's more a case of overt rebellion.) We don't see him employ deflection of guilt, though his teacher does seem a bit more forgiving of his attack on Shirota given what he knows about Hira's experiences with bullying. But appeasement? When he can't avoid attention entirely, that is his go-to strategy. It doesn't draw much, if any, additional attention this way. He can demonstrate to people who pose a danger to him that he's not a threat and is ready to comply with their orders if it will allow him to avoid mistreatment. It's only when he finds a kind of vicarious strength in Kiyoi (see my post here for more on that aspect of Hira) that he starts to deal with the bullying in other ways.

So, yeah. Hira's parents initially formed these patterns in Hira, peers deepened them, and they came out in his relationship with Kiyoi. A big part of the shift that needs to happen in order for their relationship to last is for Hira to stop using self-defeating strategies to sneakily get his needs met by Kiyoi and start seeking what he needs openly and assertively.

Maybe now would be a good time to brush off those other in-progress Utsukare posts and try to finish them off while I have a bit of momentum, huh?

By the way, if you’re interested in my previous Utsukare posts, I have a master post here with links to everything.