#i need to draw more of them they are so important 2 me……..
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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 3 days ago
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Meet the Family 4
No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: Your boss needs a last-minute favour for the holidays.(petite!reader)
Characters: Lloyd Hansen
Note: Hi.
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.
Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖
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You drift into that sort of sleep that makes your head hurt. Even as you detach from consciousness, you feel the tempo in your skull driven by the pulse of your fatigue. The void behind your eyelids is painted in dull hues in splotches and smears. 
The residue of stress from your waking hours remains. It coils your muscles and knots under your shoulder blade. Just behind the curtain of sleep, it waits for you. A flight, your family, all that mess. 
You groan as you wake slowly. You shift as the blankets lay heavily over you, almost holding you down as you try to stretch out the stiffness. You arch your back and stop as you feel a firm prodding against your ass. 
You slap your hand down on the arm hooked around your middle. No way. Lloyd squeezes you and draws himself flush until you know exactly what he’s pushing against you. Ew! 
You jar away from him, ripping his arm off as you bounce and sit up in disgust. As you do, the blankets slip off his torso and he grumbles. His naked arm and shoulder bulge.
You huff and clutch your head. “Jesus, Lloyd, what are you doing?” 
“Mmm,” he curls his arm over his head, “shhhhh.” 
“Are you drunk?” You accuses. 
He giggles, “a lil.” 
You roll your eyes and reach for your phone. Your hand hovers over the night table and you frown. It’s gone. 
“Where the hell is my phone?” You hiss. 
“I unno,” he babbles. 
“Mr. Hansen,” you poke him, “where the heck is my phone? It was right here, now--”  
Your eyes skim to his side of the bed and pinpoint on the digital clock. Your heart drops. What the hell? You leap out of bed in a panic and rush around to the table, grabbing the clock as you whine. 
“No, no, it’s-- I missed my flight! Lloyd,” you slam down the clock, “what did you do with my phone?” 
“If you must know, I plugged it in. For you.” He raises a hand groggily, his eyes still closed. “I was being nice.” 
“Nice?” You spin and search around. 
You spot the cord plugged in beside the television. You don’t fail to notice the empty samplers of whiskey either. You storm across the room and pick up your phone. You tap the home button and it stays black. You gnash your teeth and push the power button on the side. The boot screen flashes on. 
“What-- you shut it off! You made me miss my alarm and my trip out. Everything else is booked up!” 
“Family sucks,” he gurgles. “You’re not missing much.” 
“That’s not fair,” you snap. “You don’t know my family, okay? Not everyone came from a cult of spoiled rich kids.” 
“I’m not spoiled,” he argues and stretches, the blankets slipping further down. 
“Oh, because that’s what’s important right now,” your anger spikes and you shake. You aren’t emotional. You do your best to repress everything, for your own good as much as his, but you’re at the end of your rope. After last night and now this, how can you not be enraged? “Ugh, are you naked?” 
“Can’t sleep in clothes. Gotta let it breathe,” he spreads over the bed with a yawn. 
You stand speechless, staring at him, helpless to the flurry of emotions coursing through you. Disgust, rage, disappointment, frustration, every last stitch holding you together snaps. You drop your head and sigh. 
“Fine, I’m just going to go home.” You surrender, “I give up.” 
You shake your head and traipse away. You go into the bathroom and shut the door. Before you resign yourself to the long journey back, you just need a moment. 
You sit on the edge of the tub and stare at the tile. You feel foolish. You don’t know why you came all this way for such an ungrateful brat. He might be your boss, you might need your job, but you deserve better.
Well, you don’t always get what you want, do you? No, it's people like Lloyd and his clan that do.
The handle turns and before you can react, the door swings open slowly. You look up and gasp as you raise your hand to block out Lloyd’s lower half. He shamelessly stands in the doorway, leaning on the frame. 
“Hey, Pixie Puff, it’s okay. How about we drive up to see the family? Me and you? We could make a road trip of it.” 
“Drive? You mean me? You’re still tipsy. Plus, you are not invited,” you snarl and look down. You don’t know how you forgot, or how you managed to sleep in it, but the ring still clings to your finger. You tear it off as you stand. You stomp up to him and shove it into his chest. “It’s all just a joke. Or maybe I’m the joke.” 
“No, Pix, you saved me,” he slurs. “Really. Last night... was amazing. I’ve never seen you like that. Fiery.” He reaches to touch your cheek and you dodge him. You grab his hand instead and put the ring in it. 
“I wasted my time,” you let him go. 
He watches you silently, swaying on his feet as you turn to the sink. You unwrap the sample-sized toothbrush and uncap the mini tube of toothpaste. You try ignore him as he looms in the door. 
“Please don’t leave,” he says. “You can’t Pixie pie. Please,” he staggers forward and you turn your face away before you can see everything. “Look, there’s Christmas brunch today and I can’t go alone.” 
You spit a mouthful into the sink and rinse it away, “well, you’re going to.” 
“No way,” he argues. “Mom’s been blowing up my phone and dad left me a long voicemail. I’m in trouble.” 
“It’s not my problem.” 
“But, but—you're my assistant. I’m your boss.” 
“And I’m not your fiancee.” You counter. 
“I demand it, I—I--” he blusters as he braces the sink. “I’m in trouble, Pix. I’ve been a bad boy.” 
The words make your insides crawl. How can he be so pathetic in both the most revolting and most pitiable way? You've never seen him like this and you never really wanted to. It’s embarrassing. 
“Like I said--” 
“No, no,” he grabs your wrist and you flick foamy paste onto him. “I’m not asking. You do this or—or you’re fired!” 
You stare at him. You weigh the consequences. It might be nice to be free, yet then again, you’ve been applying for jobs since you started working for him and haven’t gotten anything better. Only jobs with lower pay and menial work. 
“You want me to beg? I can beg,” he says. 
“Can you put some pants on?” You tear away from him and grab a towel. You throw it at him and go back to brushing your teeth. 
“Pixie,” he pouts. 
“I want a raise.” 
“Fifty cents.” 
“Fifty-- Five dollars at least. And a Christmas bonus. And vacation days,” you rinse the brush then your mouth. You use the hand towel to dry off. “And I want it in writing.” 
“What? You don’t trust me?” He challenges. 
“You lied to get me here. Then you sabotaged my alarm.” 
“I was helping--” 
“You know what you did.” 
“Christ, Pix, when did you get so mouthy? It’s making my balls hurt.” 
“That’s gross,” you avert your eyes to the ceiling, “cover up. I can’t focus.” 
“Ugh, fine,” he wraps the towel around his waist. “I’m sure you’ve seen one before. Probably not any as big but--” 
“I want to know why you’re doing this.” 
“You met my family, you know they’re a handful,” he crosses his arms and shrugs. His chest bulges and the thick hair brushes against that on his arms. 
“There’s another reason.” 
“No,” he denies unconvincingly. 
“I’m not going to go along with this dumb play if you don’t tell me. Don’t you think I deserve to know? If you keep me ignorant, than how can I be convincing, huh?” 
“You’re smart. Sneaky even,” he unfolds one arm and points at you. “Alright, cards on the table.” He drops his other arms and adjusts the towel around his waist as he grimaces. “That inheritance my sister mentioned. It’s... substantial. And I want it.” 
“Okay, but... wouldn’t that mean someone needs to die?” 
“Nah, the old bat’s been dead forever,” he sneers. “I get it when I get married. Well, a portion of it. Then the rest is all mine once I pop out a mini Lloyd.” 
You squint as you take in his explanation. It still doesn’t make sense. 
“Right, but you’d have to present legal papers. And a child. That’ll be harder to fake.” 
“Yeah, almost impossible.” He agrees and flutters his fingers over his mustache. He stares at you. Intently. 
Heat creeps up your back and across your shoulders. It curls around your nap and crawls up your cheeks. He can’t mean-- 
“Absolutely not,” you yipe. “You really are out of your mind. We are not getting married and I’m definitely not.... not doing that other thing.” 
“It’s just a piece of paper,” he says. 
“Just-- no way. No!” You wave your arms vehemently. “Not in a million years.” 
“Ouch,” he frowns, “you know, that hurts my feelings.” 
“You’re my boss, alright? It's just... deranged.” 
“I can be,” he shrugs. 
“Lloyd! Mr. Hansen,” you have to calm yourself before you continue, “I’m not going to sell myself because you want some trust fund--” 
“I’ll give you a cut,” he says suddenly. “How about it? Then you won’t even need a raise because you’ll be rich.” 
You go quiet. It’s fishy. You know you can’t trust him. He already lied to you a dozen times over. Besides, giving you a fair share means cutting you loose. Is it that much money? 
“How much?” You ask. 
“Ten thousand.” 
“All this for ten thousand? Sure. It’s more. I know it. So you give me at least a million or I’m going to fill up my tank and go home, right now.” 
“A million--” he coughs. “You drive a hard bargain for someone making less than 100k.” 
“And who’s fault is that?” You retort. “I want a million and I want that notarized.” 
“Notarized?” He whines. 
“Fine, can’t lose what I never had--” 
“Fine, fine, you can have it. I’ll get it notarized,” he nears and offers his hand, “but it’s Christmas and I think everything’s closed so... shake on it?” 
“I’m not having a kid. We’re going to a courthouse then I’m getting mine and going.” 
“We can do a surrogate--” 
“No kid.” 
“Adopt--” 
“Don’t push it,” you grab his hand and shake. “One million and I will suffer until the New Year.” 
He grins triumphantly, “you know, Pix, I always appreciated that about you. You always got my back.” 
“Go. You need to sleep off the Jack Daniels,” you retract your hand sharply. 
“And I’ll dream of all that money we’re going to get,” he giggles and rubs his palms together. “We’re going to be rich, baby.” 
“Lay down before I change my mind.” 
“Too late, we shook on it,” he winks and backs up. The towel catches on the rod next to the door and you quickly turn as it slackens. He lets out an oops as it falls off and you avoid looking back. “This show’s for free, baby, don’t worry.” 
“Get out,” you say. “I’m gonna need some coffee if I’m going to deal with you all day.” 
“Grab me some too, pookie? Pweez,” he taunts, “oh, and if they’re serving bacon, I’ll have at least a dozen strips. The grease is good for my hangover and once that hits, I’m gonna be a baby.” 
“That’s great,” you mutter dryly, “coffee and bacon. Now please, give me some space.” 
“It won’t be that bad, Pixie stick. Trust me. You got me.” 
“Not making it better,” you turn to the sink and lean on it. “Please.” 
“Right, okay, I’m going,” he picks up the towel and slowly pulls on the door. You sigh. “I’ll be in bed if you need me.” 
You shake your head. The door clicks and you look at your reflection. Are you really doing this? It feels like you’re selling your soul. You should’ve asked for more. 
You finally find your strength. You go out into the suite and grab your bag. You pull out your sweater and throw it over your head. You ignore Lloyd as he lays on the bed. 
You take your wallet and the room key. You don’t bother with your phone. You might just leave it there for the day because once your mother finds out you missed your flight, you’ll be in for an earful. You already feel rotten enough. 
As you find your way down to the dining hall, your anger returns. He did that on purpose. He spoiled your plans all for his stupid selfish ploy. The payout might be hefty but you’re already regretting this. Still, he as good as backed you into a corner...right? 
You get the coffee, two cups on a tray, and some muffins, and a greedy handful of bacon. You’re not hungry, you just need caffeine. You head back up to the room, basking in the silence of the mostly empty hotel. Everyone else did what you should have and hit the road by now. 
You make a sluggish return. The only thing you have to look forward to is the coffee and you’re sure that hotel fare is not gourmet roast. You balance the tray and slide the card in the lock. You enter the room, roiling in your thoughts. 
You’re too distracted to notice the noise before you get too far. You put the tray down as your ears prick at the dulcet groan. You glance over at Lloyd as something moves beneath the blankets. Is he-- 
“Oh god!” You exclaim and spin on your heel. “Jesus!” 
You race out of the room and slam the door as you enter the hall. You lean against and stifle a scream. What is wrong with him? Well, you know exactly what’s wrong with him. Daddy issues, mommy issues, sister issues, and maybe even uncle issues. He’s entirely corrupt and you just made a deal with him. 
This is going to be a nightmare. 
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karabell · 3 days ago
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Color Theory in Cinderella Boy
There’s some silly stuff happening with colors, and in this probably brainrot post, I will be using my art brain to over analyze the heck outta this (for those who are interested, though I find it fascinating!)
**This post includes a scene from todays new ep (53), so make sure you read that first!**
So, I first stumbled upon this discovery sorta by accident. I use Clip Studio Paint for my artwork, and I often end up with an average to 30-50 layers per drawing, and thankfully Clip Studio has an option to color-code your layers to make things more manageable.
For my CB drawings, I defaulted to using green for Chase, purple for Buddy, and blue for Deacon. It made sense to me, because of the casts ‘default’ outfits feature these colors:
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We can also see these colors in some book outfits:
Chase’s green outfit in We Need to Talk About Buddy, Deacons shirt in Beach Boys, and the blue accents in All That Glitters
What I noticed though, was that these aren’t the only colors they are seen in, and in fact, out of all the other colors, two in particular stand out
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Specifically, pink for Chase, and orange for Deacon
Something to note is that these colors are nearly perfect complementary colors to each other. Even Prunella seems to have this theme, with her red hair and green shirt.
Now, it is generally good for character design for outfits to have good complementary colors to make them stand out, but me thinks that Punko went even further with this.
The thing is, Buddy really only has purple in his color scheme (unless out count every shade of gray and black).
We see him in some other colors, but mainly it’s purple:
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Like, a lot of purple.
(Other examples include Toffee Break, Beach boys, Sick Day, etc)
Pretty much all but two of Buddy’s ten outfits have included some element of purple.
But then again, up until recently, he’s only been a villain. A foil to Chase. The black and purple suited him, for a while, because he was only ‘evil’. (This also leads me to believe that future Ex Libris members will also wear black in their outfits to fit on theme. In Dreams by Day, a presumably Ex Libris worker is wearing a black shirt).
But now? It’s Buddy’s story too. He is becoming a protagonist. And that means getting a new color, possibly one that compliments purple.
And what color flowers bloomed when Chase saved him?
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Yellow.
This is leading me to believe that Buddy will have a major character shift at the end of season 1 / beginning of season 2, where yellow is included in his outfit colors. And maybe, S2 will feature Buddy’s story more as he becomes a protagonist ‘,:3
TL;DR: Colors are important to CB characters, and Buddy is gonna be a protagonist soon.
I’ve actually been forming this theory of mine since like, the beginning of October, and the amount of serotonin that filled my brain when I saw those flowers, and seeing that my theories may be true could literally flood a city.
Thank u for reading :D
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sillyboycam · 2 days ago
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“I would bring you rings of gold, I’d even sing you poetry!”
“Oh would ya’?~”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I told you they’ve been on my mind.
Oh yeah, I also watched one of my favourite movies httyd2 and y’know… got a little into it as usual..
I’ve had this idea in my mind for a while, definitely before I watched httyd2 but AFTER watching season 2 of Arcane I decided “Man, this would make a GREAT drawing” .
And here we are!
Anyways this is a sort of “Au” I’ve made, Viktor as Valka, leaving and everyone thinking he’s “dead”.
While I put Jayce as Stoic, because, in retrospect they’re both people of power. Leaders that have a pretty tough life, along with losing their loved one(s). Also, Jayce finally got a beard and you know what Stoic looks like.
Since Valka and Stoic obviously had Hiccup, in my mind I think Jayce and Viktor both adopted a kid to be theirs. (Also to be the next chieftain, since they’re both men of course.) His name is Jekkel, and he’s similar to each of them in terms of appearance. His personality leaning a little towards Viktor’s rather than Jayce’s.
They’d also adopt a little girl named Viyati. (They were especially happy with the name since they picked it themselves) Viyati is the youngest dragon rider of her tribe so far. Her personality is definitely more like Jayce’s as she’s always putting herself and her brother out there. With, of course, boundaries kept in place as Jekkel isn’t usually one to actually want to be out there.
So Viyati always respects him and his needs.
>>>>>>
Viktor’s dragon would be a LightFury,
Jayce’s would be a TimberJack,
Jekkel’s would be a DeathSong,
And (ironically) I think I’d give Viyati a Screaming Death. (ie, smallest little dragon rider gets a big ass scary looking dragon, and it loves her)
>>>>>>
In this Au neither Jayce nor Viktor would die, but, would come super duper close to it many, many times.
>>>>>>
Viktor’s clothes consist of a big white hood rimmed with white tipped red fur, and lots of designs traced onto the hood itself in an off-white.
A black Viking tunic with purple embroidery along the edges and the neckline adorns him, with armour on his chest. Black and scaled.
His arms would be wrapped in white leather from the forearm down, tied in neat bows.
Giant white fur boots with black pants is what he wears on the daily. A spiky belt adorns his sleek waist.
Last thing, he has black scaled arm warmers! In which the white leather wraps around. In a cute bow of course.
>>>>>>
Jayce’s outfit would be a bit more complex, as well as the kids, so if you’d like me to go more in depth I’d be happy too! (Just not in this post, I’m not one to make long descriptions lol)
>>>>>>
Viktor is actually married to Jayce in this one! Their wedding was beautifully done (weeps…) and their rings were gorgeous. This means, the whole family is a Talis!
So that’s; Jayce Talis, Viktor Talis, Jekkel Talis, and Viyati Talis. Also Jayce’s mother, Ximena Talis. She’s a very important figure in the village, a wizard with talents for medicine.
>>>>>>
I have tons of more ideas and I’d love to tell you them all. If you’re interested, let me know!
Anyways this might’ve already been done… but I’m not sure. If it has do let me know! I’d love to chat with that person ;]
Okay,
I hope you enjoy this one!
Love you all
as always art is by me —————> @sillyboycam
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yourloveaton · 1 day ago
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I love the draws of your AU, pls tell me more about it, I need it!!
I’m glad you like them! If you haven’t checked them all, all my au stuff both art and writings are temporarily in ‘ #my au ’ tag until I find a name for au :D
Hmm what can I tell about the au.. I’m still in very early stages of developing the au so it’s all been brainstorming and many ideas and possibilities swimming in the open air hahaha
I’m thinking of dividing the au’s plot into 3 or 2 parts, depending on the direction I’ll be leading it. This is probably one of the most important decisions to make for the au since once I start going for the settled direction, I’ll probably keep going at it and hope for the best hahah Other than that, I’m aiming to add in new concepts to the au to make it more interesting and unique eheh
In all honesty I have no idea what to tell about the au since there’s so much to do for it but still haven’t settled on the whole thing yet, though feel free to ask questions about it hahaha
You can expect to see many comedic yet wholesome moments between characters and how it will be developed throughout the whole plot, I can’t wait to develop it and show it to you guys!!!
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starheavenly · 13 hours ago
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hiii!!! loving your locket comics!!!!!! just wanted to ask a few questions about your process, if you dont mind :D
whats your general process like?
do you do thumbnails, how do they look like?
roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?
how detailed are your sketches? do you do multiple?
do you have any specific techniques for lineart?
do you typically use references for your comics?
generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?
do you have any advice for drawing comics?
sorry for for the absolute bombardment of questions, lmao. just really enjoy your art and comics and very interested in the behind the scenes!! feel free to skip any questions (or this whole ask) well wishes and salutations!!! :D
Hello! I'm so glad you enjoy my comics, and I totally don't mind breaking down the process!
For a normal comic page, I would likely actually write a script since it's much easier to keep track of dialogue and actions. But since these are short, I just write it into my thumbnails.
Step 1: Thumbnails. Easily one of my favorite parts, since I get to throw all my ideas down. I do these comics on a 2-panel grid, so I don't have to worry about actual paneling, and it allows me to focus more on the setup of each shot. Think of it like storyboarding!
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Step 2: Add cleaner thumbs if needed. I actually made 3D models of Deadlock and Ratchet's chest in Blockbench, so I often trace them to save myself some time! (It might look insane, but I promise, for me, it's not.)
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Step 3: Lettering! I actually like to get the lettering out of the way right away since it can take a while. Ever since I started treating lettering as its own form of art, my skills have gotten better, but it also takes much longer.
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Step 4: Clean sketch! I'm just now finding out that people think I’m doing lineart for these? I am not… these are all just clean sketches. Maybe doing the blackwork gives the illusion of lineart?
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Step 5: Color! Most of these comics are in black and white to save time, but it also lets me focus on values and shot framing again. I add my glow overlay to the eyes, and boom, done!
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Roughly how long does it take you to complete a comic panel or page?
It really depends on how complicated the panels are. I like to step out of my comfort zone. I know the Grimlock and Misfire one took longer because of how many panels there were and the fact that I was drawing characters I’d never drawn before, but I’d say it usually takes around 5-8 hours for a whole page.
Do you typically use references for your comics?
I'm literally the reference GOD- we all know this. But yes, I love using references and doing character studies. I have yet to do a study on LL Drift, but I have a few references of him that I’ve made.
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Generally, how much effort and focus do you put into your comics?
I mean, I wouldn't say I don't put in a lot of effort? I put in enough. I don't know… there's a point in the clean sketch process where you can kind of just turn off your brain. I'm passionate about comics, but we can all agree there's a point in a drawing where you just zone out.
Do you have any advice for drawing comics?
I think being able to balance dialogue and visuals is super important. I don't know if you guys have picked up a graphic novel from Barnes & Noble recently, but if you open a page, you'll see a character sitting with the biggest bubble you've ever seen, filled with paragraphs of text. While I get it—being a novel as much as it's graphic—I personally like to visualize emotions more. If it means adding two more panels to make an interesting dialogue setup, I don't mind doing it. Another thing to remember is that not all panels need to have details or 100% effort. Sometimes you need to simplify and move on, and that's okay! Those two extra panels that are giving you a better stage setup might be the ones that need fewer details and less time. I would consider my comic page work and my 4-panel work very different. One is about paneling, setup, and visuals, while the other is very much like storyboarding. Both are skills you learn with practice and study.
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saintbleeding · 2 years ago
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some wtgfs or gertrudeagnes?
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[ID: Digital purple-toned art of Melanie and Georgie from TMA. Melanie is a thin woman with straight hair in a bob style, wearing dark glasses. She is seated on a staircase behind and slightly above Georgie, a fat woman with short, curly, greying hair. Georgie leans up to kiss Melanie, one hand pressed to the side of her head. They are both dressed in practical, unremarkable clothing and sturdy boots. Their surroundings are deep purple, and eerie lime-green light filters in from above them. End ID.]
me posting smth other than jmart in 2023? it’s more likely than u think
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moeblob · 1 year ago
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Alright I told someone I would give propaganda for these two so here we go. As a warning, I didn't play mobile or Re-Mind soooooooo. Yeah there's that. I know they're apparently involved in past stuff but shhh.
So first off, everyone's weapon is super useful! Except theirs. Which I always thought was really funny? Even in Re:CoM Zexion's book was more direct than these two. I really enjoyed them just as the most indirect fighters? And figured they'd be pretty chill and after playing KH2 as a kid I'm like. I think Luxord would be most tolerable to music while vibing. He could play Solitaire or something while Demyx played music and possibly chatted. Therefore, my younger self was like "it's perfect".
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ALSO CONSIDERING THEIR NUMBERS! And the line in KH3 during the scene where Demyx is like "yup I got benched", they've probably got a history. However, the number they get originally is supposed to be the order they joined. So with Marluxia and Larxene obviously tied together in the past, all I can think of is these two just being absolute bums wandering around pre-Organization and just hitch hiking their way into a cult. Which is also REALLY funny to me because what if they joined at the same time but Demyx got to be IX and Luxord is X.
Demyx would hold his rank over his head for the dumbest stuff (in my head canons of the past).
Like there's so many things we specifically do not know about these two so basically, until I'm proven absolutely incorrect in game (which might have happened and I just don't know) ! I think they'd be a good match.
And I mean, it's also just (gestures) LOOK AT HOW CUTE THEY ARE. Great designs and I think that's good enough for me!
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puppyeared · 7 months ago
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Boy King Seb :D
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#thank you to Grace for the idea of making his chivarly collar red bull instead <33333#he was gonna have both collars but then making that one made me suffer so no not today#this was a lot of fun but also made me suffer. but i keep looking at it and being like AAAHHHHH BABY!!! BABY BOY!!!!!!!#can you believe i tried to do this in one night? i cant#i stopped and came back to it and was like 'no way you could do this in one sitting at 1 am'#this is kinda the ascended form of that very first sketch i made for this au! concentrated boy king sebby!!!#i say to myself i need to take a break from drawing complicated things but youll prob see a nando version of this in less than a week ;;;#okay about the drawing(i wrote good tags and then tumblr deleted them so these are a bit inferior AGH):#this is typical pouty seb but is also referenced off a specific pic from AD 2009(beloved)#its very important to me how emotionally open Seb is. im not sure the specific context of this. maybe after a triumph?#but instead of being that typical stoic serious detached kind of ruler; i like him being openly emotional(think AD 2010)#its important as well for his dichotomy with nando and how they choose to portray themselves#seb is very assured in himself and his rule vs. nando who is more insecure and bitter about his#so nando takes strides to portray himself in that more stoic calculating way bcs he feels like it helps him legitimize himself better#whereas seb has absolutely no care for outward public image and shows how he feels and is loved for it(nando hates it but loves it)#not that nando cant be fun and whimsical!! but to me he always seems a bit more mysterious; like i can never tell his true thoughts tbh#anyways i feel like ill finish 10 more drawings before i end up posting the lore pt 2 LMAO#its just a lot harder to organize and layout compared to part 1 which was just an explanation#pt2 would be a mix of more world building/characterization/anecdotes ive talked about with mutuals(LOVE YOU GUYS!!!)#i have a *lot* of ideas (gotta whip out my notes app every once in a while to write down stuff abt it) just hard to put into a coherent pos#sebastian vettel#f1#formula 1#f1 art#formula 1 art#f1 fanart#formula 1 fanart#catie.art.#*ill prob make a process post later if anyone is curious!! its fun to write abt my process and influences and such#boy king au
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bread-is-my-life · 1 year ago
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Some more school Pyro doodles (mainly at math lessons lol)
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honey-skulls · 4 months ago
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HUGE VENT
I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen
My routine these last two weeeks has been:
-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep
-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw
-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am
I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍
Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore
Silence is actually worse than loud rooms
It's driving me insane
It's so loud
#literaly so mentally exhausted to the point that i forgot to ask a bunch of really important stuff and tests at my last gyneco appointement#i can't remember which med I'm supposed to take at a specific hour and which one is whenever. so i just take them both at the same time#i can't remember if i have still boxes of meds in advance and which one i need to go refill#because they're stuff i need to constantly take and not suddenly stop with#but i keep forgetting to check#and i can't remember where i put the prescriptions anyway#and which one are the right one and which one are old#I'm so tired#and I'm so tired of being tired#and I'm SO so so tired of constantly fighting to have my health and struggles acknowledge#i kinda just gave up and now i'm just mindlessly sitting there at the appointments for only 10 minutes being being told that i can leave#I've just been run in circles for way too long#and i get aggresively criticised every time i use advice and seek for help on the Internet. by the same doctors who don't give me ANY advic#or help#and my head has been pounding for two days#and my verbal ticks have gotten so bad that it genuinely gets hard to breathe sometimes#with a therapist that just made me talk in circles and lowkey criticised me for two hours#(this was our first real therapy meeting and they're supposed to only be 1 hour and are NOT reimbursed because the autism center will NOT#fucking answer to ANYONE. medical professional or not. so i had to go private 😃👍)#and the only thing she gave me at the end of those 2 hours was this schedule that I'm not allowed to bend#I've been trying to daydream about my AUs and develope them as usual to try to feel better#but now that i have time to draw. i just get more and more drawing ideas that keep pilling up and tear me apart from the inside because i#can't draw any of them thanks to this damn fatigue#i literally only did 1 af revenge and still need to do 3 more. and i genuinely don't know if I'll manage to do that#i told two friends that ill draw something for them. but nothing. because too tired and everything keeps slipping from my mind#i will daydream about Dimentio for hours straight. then forget that i did. and panic that the fixation is slipping because i “haven't#thought about him in a while“. ”a while“ was 40 seconds ago. I'm not exaggerating this keeps happening#i also keep spending the night DRENCHED in sweat because i just can't sleep without my blanket on me anymore. so more struggles#vent#negative
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apollos-boyfriend · 2 years ago
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Icarus im thinking so hard abt your boy adam the sweet adam do you have anything you want to share about him .? <:3
i have SO much!! that little guy lives in my head so rent-free. so the most recent thing i’ve decided is that he grows up to be an artist, probably more accurately a painter, and that was SOLELY because of this tweet i saw the other day
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like. tell me schlatt would not say this. he tries it with both adam and crumb and gets turned down both times, to absolutely no one’s surprise.
additionally!! a little older adam doodle i did in class :D
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i’ve been struggling with his older design for AGES now but i think i finally nailed it. i wanted him to be very heavily inspired by anime protagonists so he’s a mixture of every basic anime boy ever created (affectionate). kind of the most guy ever surrounded by the most insane people you’ve ever met <3
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crescentfool · 1 year ago
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i think something that is important to me to remember is that there are small ways i can do things to spark joy for myself and others without waiting for someone else to do it... (conjures up little sparklies from my hands) life is so whimsical!!!
#lizzy speaks#for full transparency i cannot make sparklies emit from my hands unfortunately#but i can imagine that i can and i think thats cool i'm like a swaggy little magician#anyways sometimes i see announcements for games and im like#ok! cool! some people are very excited and happy. so awesome!! happy for them!!!#but personally i think i've found much more joy in doing my own thing#and it's ok if you're not particularly enthused about a new thingy because sometimes you still have other things you can do#or you have other things that feel much more gratifying to you. and thats ok!!!#this is a vague toward reload and splat3 (specifically splatfests)#it's become clear 2 me that reload is curating a different experience for pee 3 with the new mechanics they introduce#and i didn't realize how attached i was to how fes's mechanics (tiredness + fusion spells) can inform's one characterization of kitaro#until i kept seeing the new things for reload. still interested in reload's alternate interpretations but wont be following the news closel#and for splatfest. turf is not my favorite mode in splat by a long shot' but at least i can salmon with friends! or play another game#i think it's always important for me to remember that not everything will be for me and that's a good thing#when i see things that dont excite me as much. it reminds me about what i care about the most and to remember to hold those things close#i can make my own fun with my own little creations i don't need to wait for games to host events for me i can just draw silly little guys#or i can choose to make silly little clownery happen on my own terms and i think thats neat#even if i'm not hyped about something that others are hyped about that's okay because i'm nourishing myself and that's really fucking cool#and hey maybe i will find the joy in those things eventually. or not! and thats ok. who knows!! anything can happen!!#anyway if you read all of this thank you :3 and i hope that you will always be able to find your way to find something that excites you
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windupaidoneus · 5 months ago
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now some people may not like to hear it but even the worst people who exist are still people & there is no human being who has More right than others to decide whether others deserve to live or die (does not mean i personally condemn murder in self defense or anything of the sort or killing fascists or whatever i'm just saying as a baseline This Is How it Is) & this is why the death penalty is not a good thing no matter how good & trustworthy the people in any government might be. people on average also deserve the chance to learn to do better. & no, someone who's been forcefed propaganda their entire life will not let go of that deeply entrenched mindset so easily, it's not particularly unrealistic & it absolutely sucks to deal with but in the context of tangibly working toward world peace it's also not an issue to try & help such people both in material ways & in helping them learn better rather than cut them down or abandon them to a grim fate. all this to say that's why i don't think garlemald is written badly, as unpleasant as the experience might be. walks off the stage
#ffposting#also if you hate garlemald's writing THIS much but like emet-selch i think theres a disconnect there i just dont understand.#like he made it that way. you do understand this is all because of him right. maybe you should be more upset about that.#garlemald is very uncomfortable & the real life parallels it draws make it a very very touchy Thing to deal with#but i do not think it is handled badly.#their supremacy is entirely gone by the time of edw the people there have known nothing but propaganda#the populares are known to be a minority. people like cid or jenomis aren't that common. this is why they get along#the propaganda is such that even occupied domans like asahi fell for it & feel absolutely nothing for their kin#thats what propaganda does. there is absolutely a degree of responsibility regarding what they do & i would never say otherwise#however the idea that we should let them die & not get a chance to rebuild after theyve lost everything (again) is like. huh.#when you want to work toward world peace in a meaningful way you cant just abandon anyone like that.#like thats a whole people. they suck! but it is not immutable & they deserve the opportunity to do better like any other#id much rather they face retribution for their actions in meaningful ways including working toward reparations#wrt all the peoples the empire occupied than to round them up to kill them or worse let them die to the telophoroi#OR to becoming blasphemies. that would make things so extremely worse.#i just dont understand how you can have sympathy for jullus when he was just like everyone else at first#but you want to leave the rest of them to die. & i dont get how you can like emet & want them to die.#like he fucking did this its a pretty notable very fucking bad thing that he did. no doubt varis has made it worse#but varis was in power for like 2 years at best.#that emet was playing a role & did not actually believe in or care about what he was doing does not erase that he did it#& i personally find it hypocritical to like him if you balk at the idea of garlemald restoration. clears throat#i believe in killing fascists but i also dont believe in punitive justice#& by the time of edw garlean civilians do not hold the systemic power they once mightve#which i think is also important. their entire country is in shambles.#if anything its the ideal opportunity for them all to start anew & learn better. shed their preconceptions as one might say#that said i still skip garlemald cutscenes bc i dont need cunts calling me a savage ✋-_-#do not take any of this for garlean apologia i fucking hate dealing with them on an individual level as a xaela player lmfao#but yeah. if you can feel pity for livia who is a military general WHO HAS ACTIVELY KILLED YOUR FRIENDS#but not for the civilians whove never been exposed to anything other than propaganda. idk man. 30 tags. fly free my post
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pekoposting · 12 days ago
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HAHAHA i found it funny how these two AUs have The Sword Child and The Yakuza Child, so i'm surprised and pleased to see some play on that. all whilst getting some lore in the process YIPPEE!!
a key part of kendo's philosophy is modesty, to the point where if someone strikes a point against you but doesn't have good form when they do it, the you have to point out it's bad form. so harumi roasting natsuki's sword skills is really funny actually
(and then i ramble more in the tags bc of course i do)
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My Kuzupeko daughter interacting with @the-only-teruteru-fan and @detective-dick-gumshoes-pot-room SDR2 fankids
Harumi is actually a naturally gifted prodigy with the sword. But Peko never taught her the dangerous techniques, so Harumi has to work harder to surpass her mother. Unless it’s specified, you can assume Harumi can smoke any of her siblings in a sword fight. Her personality is very Ranma Satome.
#i think the scar was removed from natsuki's design? because i was going to ask abt it but then i double-checked the updated design and. gone#also the expressions... he's DEFINITELY kuzuryuu's child lol#characterisation ref#<- look knowing how characters riff in a casual conversation is important to me (important to writing funny fics which is important to me)#but with apparently 20 pages worth of lore... even if i had fic ideas i wouldnt be confident writing them any time soon LOL#re: Harumi Sword Lore#i remember a thewildwilds fic where Pekoyama has an advantage in kendo because she doesn't have physical hesitation towards killing#therefore she doesn't have hesitation towards delivering something close to a killing blow (e.g. throat strike) like regular people would#so I can see Harumi observing stuff like that (that there's a subtle difference which makes peko better) and being like 'damn'#'i gotta train even harder'#i got a convo idea between those two but i might just draw it#because i need to practice drawing more anyways#ALSO DOES THIS IMPLY THAT HARUMI INHERITED PEKOYAMA'S SWORD BAG#my brain had a little prickle of a fic idea but i do not have nearly enough info for that lol#uh oh wait with the aforementioned interaction idea in mind.... FUCKKK IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN#but that's still not going to come soon unless i get the confidence to go 'fuck it we ball' (which is a 50/50 because i have anxiety but-#-also adhd)#wait no. i just remembered ppl other than kuzupeko and their fankids exist and i have no idea what 2 do with them. false alarm!#but i'm still going to have to write what i have rn down. so if you want to discuss that with me feel free to#i might have to go back to my original idea. aka to the drawing board (automatic laugh track plays)#cosmic the yapper#reblog#danganronpa#drnextgen#Harumi kuzuryu#Natsuki kuzuryu#Fumiko kuzuryu#aiko mioda#Hotaru Tanaka#Koji Hinata
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mostly-imagines · 7 months ago
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So This Is Love
jason todd x fem!reader
aka you show each other what love is supposed to be like
4 in 1 blurbs
warnings: section 1: close-call panic attack for j, mentions of ptsd for j // section 2: implied sexual activity // section 3: mild angst w comfort // section 4: implied ptsd for j
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He feels like his heart might burst through his chest.
The nightmare wasn’t anything unusual for him, but it did feel particularly vivid tonight. It was more of a memory than anything, though. That same one that plays on a loop in his head throughout the night the more he tries to push it away during the day. It was the last thwack of the crowbar that had him jolt awake in bed.
You shift in your spot next to him, opening your eyes to see his rattled state. If he’d been in a clearer frame of mind he would’ve lied to you. He would’ve expertly leveled his breathing and told you everything was fine and to go back to sleep.
But instead, he looks over at you with wide eyes, chest heaving and shaking like he might start hyperventilating at any moment.
You shoot up from the bed, instantly on alert. This isn’t the first time he’s had one of these nightmares around you, so it’s not hard for you to guess where this is coming from.
“Jay? What’s—what do you need?” You know better than to try and touch him unprompted right now, you’ve panicked enough yourself to know that sudden contact only makes it worse.
“I—I can’t, I—” Now he really looks like he’s about to lose all control of his breathing.
You sit up further, moving onto your knees. “Here, let me—can I see your hand?” you ask gently, holding your own out.
He extends it to you without question, a tiny act of vulnerability that he couldn’t have dreamed of doing in this state before he met you.
You flip his hand over, palm-up and start tracing lines over it in the moonlight. You’re looking at his hand quite intently like there’s something very important on it. It’s enough to make him question what the hell you’re doing. 
“I can read palms.” You tell him, simply. 
“What?” His voice almost breaks, like he’s right at the edge of tears. 
“Yeah, my friend taught me. I can tell the future and everything.” You look up at him, fingers not stopping their trailing. “Do you wanna hear yours?”
All he can do is nod.
You smile and start to inspect his hand carefully, tracing over calluses and a few tiny scars. You draw your finger across the short, deep line parallel to his fingers.
“This one…see the way it curves upwards right there?” He nods. “That means you’re very resourceful and ambitious. Like a leader.” His breathing starts to slow as he watches you, trying to focus on what you’re showing him in the dim light from the window.
“And this one,” you trace the line that curves downwards in the middle, “This one says that you’re strong and stubborn, which I can confirm,” he huffs out a laugh. It’s little but it’s genuine. “But it also means that you’re resilient. You’re built to overcome things and bounce back even stronger because of them. Which I can also confirm.”
He leans forward, resting his forehead against yours. He takes in a deep breath, watching you draw patterns across the base of his palm.
The sensation soothes him in a way that he frankly didn’t know he could be soothed. He figures he usually can’t, except when it’s you. He tries to match your breathing, syncing up with you. If anyone else tried to get this close to him when he was on the verge of a panic attack they’d get punched, at best.
But you…you always know how to help him. He’s considered in the past that he did something really right somewhere down the line and you were sent to him as reward. He’d racked his mind for hours of every good thing he’d ever done, trying to find one that could explain your presence in his life. For anything that could explain why he deserved you. He poured and poured over every memory he could dig up but couldn’t find any good he’d ever done that surmounted to a single piece of the good in your heart.
There was a time when he would’ve thought—when he did think that you were only in his life to be taken away as soon as he felt safe. That would certainly be in line with previous experiences. But you showed him quickly that you have this way about you…it makes those loud thoughts in the back of his head shut up and just listen. Listen to your words, your breathing, your footsteps, your laugh…anything he could. Because it turns out, when he listens, he feels safe. 
He’s quiet for a long time, contentedly watching you work. He notices that at some point you’d stopped tracing the lines and began drawing designs instead. 
He breaks the silence after several minutes, softly commenting, “You don’t know how to read palms.”
“No, I do not.” 
But you continued to leave your invisible art on the palm of his hand just the same, both of you taking comfort in the sound of the other's breathing and the soothing feeling of each other’s skin.
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The radio plays lightly in the background, surrounding your night with soft ambience. You’re working at the cutting board with tomatoes as Jason leans against the counter next to you, having just finished getting the pasta set up on the stove.
His hands find your hips, resting them there as he watches you work over your shoulder.
“Watch your thumb.” He comments when the knife gets a little too close for his liking.
You shrug him off, “I know how to do it.”
He eyes the way the knife stutters as you cut through the tomato, slicing through not very cleanly at all. “Doesn’t look like it.”
You ignore him, elbowing him gently in the abdomen. He’s joking, but he’s not. The skill level you’re displaying is only above Bruce and slightly below Tim, which is not great.
“Will you let me do it?” he asks you when he realizes there’s going to be no improvement. 
“Fine.” You relent with faux annoyance. 
You switch over to the stovetop, keeping a careful eye on the pasta as it cooks. It’s quiet for a moment as he works, chopping with much more efficiency than you had.  
“You didn’t have to stay here tonight, you know.” You say quietly, still intently watching the stove.
In spite of the music, your low volume does nothing to faze him as he continues his actions, “Why wouldn’t I?”
You stir the contents of the saucepan around. “Well, I know Roy wanted you to go out…”
“Not missing much.” He mumbles, opening up the above cabinet to get out plates.
You lull your head to the side, “Come on, he’s your best friend.”
Jason frowns. “He’s not my best friend.”
You turn your head towards him, “No?”
He meets your gaze, frown consistent. “No. You are.” He says it like he’s confused that you don’t know that. 
“Oh.” You smile, “You’re my best friend too.”
His eyes soften at that, a light smile gracing his lips. He knew that, and he knew you’d say it, but hearing it out loud just…does something to him.
You flick the stove top off, prompting him to on instinct reach for the Marinara jar and crack it open for you. He hands it to you and you accept with a smile, twisting it open the rest of the way as you turn back to the stove. The jar sputters as you open, spitting out sauce.    
“Oh, shit.” You hiss, when the splatter hits your shirt.
He takes one glance at the mess on your shirt and pulls his own shirt off his back. He’s tugging yours off just as fast, replacing it with his. You’ve barely processed what happened as he scans your body, eyes lingering on where his shirt stops at your thighs. “Can you wear this to bed tonight?” He asks, hands running over your waist.
You laugh, “Really?”
He meets your eyes, face serious. “Yes.” He squeezes your hip, “You look good.”
“In your shirt.” You say with a knowing smile.
“In my shirt.” He confirms.
You turn back to the stove to dish out the salsa, his hands skimming around your thighs as you do. He watches you as you work, though rather than watching your hands he’s fixated on the size of his shirt over you and how fucking good you look right now. 
“Or…” He sweeps his eyes over your legs before looking back up at you again. “Did’ya turn the stove off?”
You tilt your head at him, “I did…?”
He grins at you, lifting you up by your thighs til you’re a head above him. “Good.” He maneuvers you over to the counter, setting you on top. He brings your wrist up to his mouth to press a delicate kiss before dropping to his knees.
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You’ve been laying in bed for at least three hours, bordering on sleep but never quite falling in. You and Jason had a little spat, though nothing insurmountable, it was still the biggest fight you’ve had to date. You’d tried going out (at night) to see your friend that was having a hard time, and yeah, you should’ve told Jason you were going. It was only five blocks, give or take, but in Gotham at eleven o’clock at night, it’s a risk to say the least.
You should’ve told Jason, you know. But he wouldn’t have let you go or would’ve insisted on putting hold on patrolling to accompany you. You always feel bad when he does that—people could be getting hurt somewhere because you needed your boyfriend to walk you down the street. Unfortunately, it didn’t matter in the end because he caught you red handed before you’d even made it a full block away. Of all the nights for him to come home early, it had to be this one.
He dropped down from the rooftop behind you and scared the absolute hell out of you, and you didn’t even have time to be relieved that it was just him because he was on you in a flash. 
“What the hell are you doing out here?” His voice was hard through the modulator, a rare tone for him to use with you.
“I just—my friend—” he sounded tired and angry, sure signs that he’d really not had a good night so far which was probably all the more reason that you shouldn’t have been out by yourself in the middle of the night.
“What are you—no! Go home. Now.” You would’ve, you really would’ve, but your friend called you crying about her boyfriend cheating on her again and she needed the in person support. 
“Ja—” You’d cut yourself off, “It’s down the street, it’s fine—” He dropped his shoulders in a huff and faced you dead-on. You didn’t need him to take his helmet off to know exactly how he was looking at you.
He dropped down and hooked his arm around the back of your legs, lifting you off the ground with no discernible effort. “Wha—”
He started walking before you were even fully planted on his shoulder, arm wrapping around your legs to hold you in place. 
“Hood! I am so fucking serious, put me down!” You swatted at his back and struggled in his grip, though in the back of your mind you knew it was a pointless effort. Even if you were a match in size, whatever mood he’d been pushed in was enough to guarantee that you had no chance. 
He ignored you, not even pretending that you were giving him any difficulty with your squirming. He marched you back down the block to your apartment, not stopping until you’re outside your door. He set you down in between him and the entrance, digging into his pocket for his key.
He kicked the door shut behind him, finally letting you go. He wordlessly grabbed one of his spare guns and two cartridges of ammo from inside the closet by the door and turned back to you with a firm stance. “Stay here.”
You immediately tried to push past him again, at that point more angry about him dragging you back here than about having to duck out on your friend. He stopped you, holding you by the arms, which led you to respond by raising your voice at him, “Jason!” 
But he didn’t waste any time letting you know how it is, “I will lock you in this fucking apartment. Stay. Here.” Him cursing at you like that was very rare and not a particularly good sign, so through your anger you’d made the decision that it was better to relent, for now. Your posture dropped and you frowned at him resentfully, a visible cue that you were giving in without you having to say it. 
He stayed true to his word and locked the door on his way out, though knowing you could easily unlock it from the inside. You’d trudged into your bedroom, slamming the door behind you.   
Now you lay on Jason’s usual side of the bed, partially because you do miss him, partially because the bed feels a little less empty when you can’t see all the empty space. You know he was just trying to keep you safe after what was probably a rough start to the night, so you feel less than great that you’d yelled at him.
Your dwelling over the memory is interrupted by a quiet creak of the bedroom door. You blink up at him blearily, “Jay?” You sit up, furrowing your brow. You didn’t even hear him come home. “What’s wrong?” You figure he must be hurt to come in here—it’s not unknown for him to sleep on the couch if he feels like he did something wrong or upset you.   
Your eyes attempt to adjust to the darkness, scanning over him for any injuries. He’s out of his armor and in his regular clothes which means he must have showered already. And you know from dozens of nights patching him up that he always tends to his injuries before showering.
This leaves you confused, as you look up at him, waiting for an answer. “I can’t…I don’t want to sleep without you.” He whispers, eyes on the floor. 
You shuffle back into your usual spot near the wall and hold your hand out to him expectantly. You’re still a bit cross with him, but you miss him too much to care right now.
It takes him a second to move, but he eventually lingers away from the door and makes his way to the bed. He takes your hand as he climbs onto the bed, letting go only when you lay down after him, staring up at the ceiling next to him. 
You weren’t entirely expecting him to wrap his arms around you and tug you into his chest. Somewhere in the back of your mind you’d assumed he would lay on his side and you on yours and that would be enough for him to fall asleep with. Instead, he tightens his arms and buries his face into the crook of your neck. You lay there in silence for a couple minutes, both thinking.
“You’re mad.” He mumbles into your shoulder after a while. You know he feels badly about the dispute, you knew it while it was still happening. As hard as he tries, he’s not very good at hiding his emotions. Not with you, anyways.
You shrug slightly. “Barely. I’ll get over it. This is more important.”
He picks his head up to look at you, “I love you. You know that?”
You wiggle out of his grip a bit, making him frown. You use the new space to flip over to face him, before placing his arm back around your waist. You peek up at him, looking him in the eyes, “I do. You know I love you. Even when we fight.”
He looks at you like he’s a bit thrown off by your words. “I’m sorry. It was just…it was a rough night…I—I’m sorry.” He tells you dolefully.  
You shake your head, frowning. “Don’t be. I should’ve texted you.”
“It—yeah. Please. I just worry about you.” He looks so sad and it makes you feel somehow worse.
“I know,” you whisper, “I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be.” He kisses your forehead, not moving away after.
You feel like you can finally relax and your tense body doesn’t take long to slacken in his hold. Soon after, he does the same, both of you closing your eyes. You feel your heart slow and your mind starts to find a space of peace.    
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Jason didn’t get it at first.
Honestly, he didn’t really realize that you noticed things about him that even he didn’t see.
Your neighbor was having their place remodeled and you knew there would be construction going on near your apartment all day.
Jason didn’t really care, planning to bury his head under the pillow and trying to sleep through it. You however, seemed very adamant about getting out of the apartment that day. You’d left hours before the construction crew had even gotten there, telling him it was a nice day out.
It was an alright day, but he let you have your way.
You held his hand as you walked down the street, looking into shop windows and commenting on things you think he’d like.
You led him into a book store excitedly, telling him about how the author he’d been binging had just published something new. He didn’t even know that.
You were browsing the sections, flipping through books as you went. You peered across the shop at a kid holding an absolutely massive pile of books, who was clearly struggling to keep them in his arms.
His mother tried to help him but he shook his head and strided away independently, albeit very slowly. The weight of the books though, did get the best of him, and you could tell by the quivering in his arms that he was going to drop them.
“Loud noise.” You said quickly, seemingly out of the blue. Jason turned to you, confused, before seeing the stack the books splat flat onto the ground. It was indeed a loud noise.
He tilts his head at you, though you’re still busy watching the little boy as he throws his head back in frustration.
“What was that?”
You look at him, “He dropped his books.”
“Yeah, I saw. But why—”
His question gets cut off by the kid bursting into tears, wailing. You turn back to look at him, your gaze getting caught by the new book you’d been telling him about. “Ooh!”
You grab his hand and pull him over with you, smiling widely when you have the book in your hands. The sight of you makes him feel so warm so fast that he forgets about the odd interaction all together.
A couple hours later, you sit outside a cafe and eat lunch together, his back to the road, you sitting diagnal to him.
He’s telling you about the shit Damian got in trouble for at school last week, holding your hand with his right hand and eating with his left.
“He thinks he’s not going to get expelled for pulling shit like that every other week, it’s ridiculous.” He says, tossing his napkin down on the table.
Your smile is wavers as your eyes move past his shoulder looking down the block before widening, “Car—”
The sudden noise startles him enough to make him visibly jump, hand flying to where his holster would be. He looks over at the fender bender, shoulders relaxing.
He turns back to you to find your eyes looking far more worried than they should. You seem to be scanning his face, looking for something and he’s about to ask you what’s wrong when it sinks in.
He does get scared by unexpected loud sounds, doesn’t he? He never really thinks of it until it happens, but his mind is trained to expect gunshots or crowbars making impact.
It doesn’t happen often, but it noticeably takes a little piece out of him when it does.
“You…” he tries, but falters. He’s not even sure he’s processing this right.
He’s never seriously tried to fathom that you love him half as much as he loves you, though love doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. He lives and breathes for you, you’ve become a lifeline he’d been stranded without for most of his life. But now you're here and you’re everything, you’re in his head all the time, in every emotion he feels.
He thinks he’s here for you, that he was brought back from the dead because of you. You can’t possibly understand how much his heart is full of you, he doesn’t understand it himself.
He knows you love him, he’s gotten that through his head. But he can’t get a grasp on the idea that he’s equally matched in the who loves who the most battle.
Do you really care that much about him to go out of your way to keep track of things that might startle him? He knows there’s a million things about you that are in the back of his mind at any given time, but surely you don’t operate that same way with him?
Do you?
There’s this burning in his heart that aches and it only gets stronger when he sees you looking at him like that. So genuine. With care, with love.
He squeezes your hand, “I love you. More than anything.”
The look on your face sinks back into that sweet, adorable look that he’s so used to and it makes him want to scream.
You smile that bright smile and it sends his heart rocketing into oblivion. “I love you.” You squeeze his hand back, “More than everything.”
He feels like his heart might burst through his chest.
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