#i need to cook something i feel so dead about the food i've been eating it's not good enough

[borealopelta]

biiiiig grocey store i wanted to go to tomorrow closes tomorrow for renovations my usual store is closed until wednesday for renovations so i have to go to their horrible 3rd location in the area that i hate with a passion

[therandompagesblog]

SKZ Mate Chapter 20

Trigger Warnings: None

"How are you feeling?" Minho asked as he brushed a loose strand from her face. "I'm worried that is all," Y/N admitted as she cuddled into Minho's chest, wanting to fall asleep again. Y/N had a bit of a stressful night and struggled with being alone late at night. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts so she found herself knocking on the beta's door who sat up with her and listened to her thoughts. It brought them closer than they were before. Minho even apologised for his awkward behaviour with her, but she brushed it off as there was too much tension going around the house and it was starting to nerve her. "Give Chan some time. He doesn't mean to push you away, it's a lot for him and he isn't someone who likes to express his emotions." Minho explained as he kissed her forehead, trying to soothe her worries even though he was concerned himself. He was worried about Chan. They had gotten over and dealt with the emotions of his uncle before, but now that it had all come to light again, Minho wasn't sure how to make it right. "How about me and you spend the day together?" Minho suggested, "we can cook together, and watch some films. I do have to make a shopping list." "What about the plan with Hongjoong? Minho I'm worried, I've been here six weeks." Y/N stated. "Shh. Me and Jeongin are on it. We have been working on a plan since you have arrived. We have been doing some digging around Hongjoong and your pack to try and prove Hongjoong kidnapped you out of spite." Minho explained. "I don't understand." "The werewolf council far north doesn't particularly like Hongjoong either and is more in favour of cooperating with us, but we need a strong amount of proof to appeal to them. If not then it's a war. Chan doesn't know me and Jeongin have been going out to find stuff." Minho stated as he got up to grab his clothes ready to have a shower, leaving Y/N to her thoughts. Y/N hadn't expected Jeongin and Minho to look into options as soon as she arrived. She wondered what they had found out and if she could help them in the future or the next time they went out.

While Minho was showering, Y/N rummaged through his clothes and put on his hoodie along with his jogging bottoms before heading into the kitchen to make a start. She gathered some ingredients and laid them out. "If you're going to poison them I would take Seungmin out, he is a little shit," Minho stated as he affectionately wrapped his arms around her waist, placing his nose into her hair, breathing in her scent. "I can cook Min," Y/N whispered, feeling slightly shy at his actions. He had never willingly embraced her before it was normally the other way around. She didn't want to ruin it by mentioning it, instead, she allowed him to hold her, watching her chop up somethings. "How is Seungmin a little shit?" Y/N asked, causing the older wolf to scoff. "When is he not? Don't be fooled by him. Seungmin has a sharp tongue and can be very sly." Minho warned playfully as he squeezed her tightly, before letting her go when the door opened to reveal a naked Jisung. Jisung jumped and covered himself with a dead bunny when he saw his little wolf was up and helping the beta. "Uh, me and Innie got some rabbits and deer meat for you," Jisung said nervously as he shuffled towards the counter to drop the bunnies off before scurrying up the stairs. Y/N watched him in amusement as she eyed his naked self, he was incredibly beautiful and he had a cute little ass. "You'll burn it," Minho whispered as he touched Y/N's hand with a knowing look.

The two of them continued to cook while occasionally nudging one another playfully. Once they finished Y/N sent Jisung to wake the others up so they could start eating. The wolves seemed much more eager to eat when they heard their omega helped to cook. Jisung was the first wolf to shove a mouthful of food in, which caused Changbin to smack him around the head. Even Hyunjin appreciated her food despite his unusually quiet behaviour. He was quiet normally but there was always a remark that followed through. Hyunjin could see her concerns so he gave a quick smile and a wave of calm energy. What concerned her was Chan wasn't present at breakfast. "He's gone to work early," Seungmin stated as he noticed her look for him. "What are everyone's plans today?" Y/N asked. "I'm going to the gym with Jisung, Jeongin and Hyunjin today. I would offer but nuna said no gym for you." Changbin gave Y/N a smirk knowing he would eventually get her in the gym at least once. He only wanted her to go so he could be extra close and fulfill his little gym instructor fantasies. "Jeongin and Hyunjin. Yah. I don't need to be bullied today." Jisung's voice was stressed as he thought about the pressure of the two alphas. "If you worked out more you would be fine Hyung!" Jeongin teased causing the older beta to shake his head. "The audacity of this alpha. He's not a little kid anymore." Jisung shook his head at Jeongin's attitude. "I'm still your alpha." Jeongin teased as he stole a piece of Jisung's meat. Y/N watched the two playfully tease each other. It felt normal as if everything was fine. She wanted this forever with them. "Felix, what will you do today?" Y/N asked as she looked at the blonde wolf whose eyes couldn't reach hers. He felt he did not deserve to look at her after what he had done. "Uh. I'm going to go for a run this morning." Felix answered awkwardly. "I'm gonna stay with you and Minho hyung." Seungmin interrupted as he gave Minho a playful look, causing the elder to glare. He did not want his date ruined by the younger beta. He was in trouble when he wanted to be. "Can't you go somewhere else?" Minho asked, a glare forming on his face as he watched the younger wolf playfully kiss the omega's neck and give the beta a sly look. "Why? Is there no room to love your favourite beta too?" Seungmin slurred. "Heathen!" Minho flared flashing his amber eyes at the wolf. "It's okay Min. Seungmin can clean the kitchen today." Y/N demanded as she flashed the wolf a look as she passed him the towel. Seungmin looked at the towel as if it was a foreign object. "Uh. What is this? I don't clean." Seungmin argued. "Uh. You will. Hyunjin can alpha order you." Y/N sassed, causing the wolves to either choke or grin. "No. No. Let me try." Jeongin said excitedly, "Seungmin go and clean up. Did it work?" "No I am not. I'm not a housewife." Seungmin argued. "Seungmin do as Y/N says all day." Hyunjin commanded his eyes glowing their usual dark shade of red causing Seungmin to huff into the kitchen. "You've got to put meaning into it and force," Hyunjin explained to the younger alpha who was scratching his head awkwardly. "We can practice on Jisung." "Uh, huh. No." Jisung laughed nervously at the thought of being the guinea pig today. Y/N gave him a sympathetic smile before getting up to hand a grumpy wolf the dirty plates.

Minho had to admit it was funny to watch the wolf doing chores at least once in his life, but the only concerning thing was the wolf was putting some of them in the wrong places. He had even seen Seungmin toss the bowl into the wrong cupboard. Y/N pushed Minho into the living room so they could watch a film together. "Don't be mean, Minho." Y/N chided as she wrapped her arms around the beta's waist. "What? He looks like an angry puppy." Minho laughed even louder when he heard Seungmin's growls come from the kitchen. Y/N shook her head and dragged the wolf into the living room so they could watch a film together. It worked out successfully until the young beta interrupted them every fifteen minutes to question where something went. Minho knew he was doing it on purpose because every time Minho snuggled closer Seungmin popped up. Every time Minho went to kiss her, the obnoxious wolf would present himself with a confused innocent look about not knowing where it goes. Minho was incredibly frustrated. He wanted to spend time with his omega but it was becoming impossible. All Minho wanted was to show his love for the female wolf. As much as Y/N found it amusing she could feel the frustration radiating off of the beta so as soon as Seungmin left the room to place the random object back to its rightful place, the female wolf threw herself at the beta, smashing their lips together. Minho didn't expect it but allowed her to assault his lips as he quickly tried to match her pace. His hand reached to her back as he slid his leg over her waist drawing her closer. His tongue finally entered the cavern of her mouth. Minho didn't want to be too invasive but he also wanted to show his love for her. "Wow! Did Minho Hyung have his first kiss? Who would have thought." Seungmin taunted causing the wolves to jump and a snarl erupting from the beta's throat. Minho stood there with a shit-eating grin as he held a vase. "Didn't you know? Minho has never kissed anyone before." Seungmin snickered as he watched Minho's ears start to turn red in embarrassment. "I mean you stole his first kiss a few weeks ago, but Minho is a virgin at everything. You know-" "Outside. Now. Off you go." Y/N ordered as she waved the annoying wolf outside, before shutting the door on him. Seungmin rolled his eyes and walked back through the door when she stopped him. "I wasn't joking, you can stay outside all day," Y/N stated. "Don't be so mean little puppy, it doesn't suit you." Seungmin chided. "No. Then don't be a little shit. You're staying outside." Y/N ordered knowing he couldn't do anything about it since Hyunjin ordered him to follow her instructions today.

Y/N headed back to the living room to see an embarrassed Minho flitting around the kitchen as he looked for things to add to his shopping list. Y/N felt bad for him. Not because of him being a virgin but the fact that Seungmin blurted it out was horrible. It was kind of attractive to Y/N that Minho and Jisung were virgins but she also didn't want it to set an expectation because she wasn't a virgin. "Minho," Y/N called out as she looked at his shopping list and added some things to it. "Minho. Look at me." Y/N called out, making the wolf slowly turn around. His face held no expression and his eyes didn't reach hers. "It doesn't matter. None of it does." Y/N promised. The beta nodded his head and turned back around causing Y/N to pull at him. "Don't hide." "I need to go shopping, little wolf," Minho stated before grabbing her face to kiss her forehead. Y/N stared at the spot he once was and sighed. Why do they all go funny when there are problems? Why don't they talk to me?

Taglist for the iconic readers:

@galaxy4489 @mbioooo0000 @jisungs-iced-americano @maybeimmia @hwangrfrnd@wolfo2027 @kayleefriedchicken @leamueller920 @borahae-reads @jennibahng @cookiesandcreammy @leezanetheofficial @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @linocz @itzreetal987 @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @liv1sworld @upsidedownchaire @jutdwae-flower @danceonmyheyday @jc003 @hpnsfwaddict @skzdreamer13 @reallychaoticwoo @ihttinniee @kingdomofpentagon @pixie0627 @tsunderelino @notevenheretbh1 @catlove83 @h0rnyp0t @hash2013 @hyunmikim

[lovdlydaz]

❝ YOU ARE FLAWLESS. ❞

artist!choso x black!afab!reader

your boyfriend has a tendency to go over the top when it comes to you, so when you express your insecurities, he makes sure to let you know how perfect you are in his eyes.

warnings: chubby reader, supportive boyfriend choso, modern au (no curses/sorcerers), angst to fluff to smut, cunniligus, p in v, unprotected sex (trying for a baby), "draw me like one of your french girls" type shit, shit tons of praise, creampie, pet names, soft dom choso, very subby reader, just a lot of soft sex and affirmation enjoy

it all started when you asked your boyfriend to go get some healthier foods from the grocery store that you had seen on social media. he was vaguely confused since he knew that both you and him didn't really eat healthy, which was fine for him but not for you. while he had a very fast metabolism and also worked out 5 times a week, you barely lifted a finger and would stay home to cook and clean since your work was at home and on a computer.

so, when you started to gain a few pounds over a couple of weeks you realized you needed to do something about it, so you did. whenever choso would go to the gym you would follow him, doing your own little couple workouts and feeling great right after. then you would stop at a restaurant to grab some food before heading home and watching your boyfriend paint while you did work across the room.

after a few more weeks of working out and eating a bit more healthier, you didn't see results at all. yes you felt lighter and you internally were healthier, your body didn't show any ounce of getting smaller. you still had fat around your hips, small rolls that were only visible when you arched, flabby arms and thicker thighs than normal. and while your thighs and arms had more definition now, the fat didn't go away no matter what you did.

so it started to get to a point where you went into bad eating habits, like eating once out of the day and even that meal was only a few hundred calories. by then, that's when your body started to get smaller, since you let it digest the fat instead of the food you were ingesting. choso didn't like how much thought you were putting into your body, since regardless of how you looked he would still love you anyways.

one day, the man you loved more than anything in the world sat you down for a whole-hearted meaning regarding your physical and mental health. he reached out for your hand and looked you dead in the eyes, his own pink ones staring deep into your chocolate brown ones.

"why did you sit me down? is there something you wanna talk about?" you asked, acting oblivious to the fact that you knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. and it was you. "baby, i know something's wrong. you haven't been acting yourself lately, being cautious about what you eat and going to work out with me when you had work to do. is there something you wanna tell me?" he inquired, making you drop your head and small tears form in the corner of your eyes.

"...do you think i'm fat?" your soft voice mumbled, causing his eyes to widen and his face looked taken aback. "...what?" he muttered alongside you. your face picked itself up and there were tears threatening to leave your eyes as you stared at him. "babe, i've gained over 10 pounds in the last month, i've gone up a shirt size and two pants sizes, i've gained fat around my stomach and hips, and i can't even get into bed without feeling like shit because my stomach pokes out more than it ever has. and i'm not even pregnant..." your voice trailed off since tears were falling down your face, causing your beloved partner to wipe them off of your face for you.

choso pressed a small kiss to the top of your head, your crying always upset him and this just absolutely broke his heart. he had never noticed you feeling this way, all those hints from you wanting to get healthier foods to you barely leaving your built-in office because you were afraid to eat. he felt like the worse boyfriend in the world for not noticing sooner, but none of this was his fault. "b-baby..." he couldn't even form words, your sobs had grown even louder from the silence he gave. all he could do was cradle you in his arms, letting you cry out all the frustration he knew you needed to.

his arms were comforting, soft and hard with a mix of muscle and fat, you felt like he was your personal teddy bear. he was always able to give you the hugs you needed and treat you like a princess when he knew you needed it. so, when you felt him wrap his arms around you to let you cry into them, it was so soothing for you. you cried for maybe about a minute until it subsided to soft sniffles and coughs. he rubbed the small of your back the whole time, letting you get nice and comfortable before you wanted to speak.

it took a few minutes but you finally started up at him, mouth quivering just a little as your glossy eyes looked into his softer pink eyes. choso looked back down at you, just staring into those lovely brown eyes he adored since the first time you two had met. his mouth opened, then it closed, then it opened again, and words started to flow out.

"princess, listen to me. you are perfect in every way, shape or form. no matter how much weight you gain or how much you lose, i will love you regardless of your body. i didn't fall in love with you off of pure looks alone, i fell in love with you because we were made for each other," he spoke, grabbing your delicate face with his rough and gentle hands. "we are like peanut butter and jelly," he continued, "syrup on pancakes, ham and cheese sandwiches, we just... click. you are mine and i am yours, nothing will ever change that. you understand love?" he asked you, looking back to see your tears had started back up, but they were happy tears.

you hugged your lover and nodded your head, which he didn't like. so, he softly pulled you away, a hand on your hip while another against your cheek. "words honey, they don't have to be perfect." he sweetly demanded, making you gulp and open your mouth. "i-i... i understand babe. thank you... so much." you smiled, making him kiss the top of your head once more, which elicited a giggle out of you. but, the praise wasn't over just yet.

now that he had calmed you down, he connected your lips, which you immediately melted into. not caring about what the world thought or what the voices were telling you, you had choso, and that's what mattered right now. it was sweet and sensual, conveying all the inter-meaningful and complex emotions the both of you shared within each other, for each other. it was a kiss that signified your love for one another, and it was just that.

until it wasn't.

after the sentimental moments dribbled away, there came the sexual. you started to softly whine as your boyfriend pressed deeper into your lips, pushing your body against the couch the two of you were on right against the armrest. it was comfortable and actually helped your back a little, but his weight was pressing down on you and you weren't that strong. you could handle it however, since he knew how much to hold up so that he wouldn't crush you. his lips were so rough yet had a smoothness to them that was oddly satisfying. you couldn't put your finger on it, it just felt right.

choso pulled away after a couple of seconds, needing to breathe but he didn't connect your lips back. instead, he dropped lower to your jaw, kissing it tenderly making your body tense with arousal. you could feel your heat start to throb from the way your boyfriend touched you, just like he loved you. and he did. "beautiful baby, wonderful girl," he panted, kissing going past your collarbone now and to the clothed part of your chest. he raised your shirt over your head to pull it off, going to your covered tits and massaging them.

"such a perfect body, would be such a great mama," he murmured, fondling the breast tissue in his large hands. you let out soft noises at this, feeling every emotion rise within you due to the pure fact that his words were reaching everywhere but your brain. you believed he loved you but you didn't believe your body was perfect, but he did, and with pride.

his hands traveled lower to your tummy, knowing that you were sucking in so he gave it a soft tap, which caused you to free your stomach. watching all the fat that your belly had gathered made his cock immediately stand up, it was so hot how much you had gained. and, quite frankly, it weighed your body out perfectly, now you were busty in every place and choso would have to fight every man off because he knew how dangerous you were now.

he softly played with the flesh, going a little too close to your womanhood, but he knew exactly what he was doing. that's why he didn't stop, he just kept going. he wanted you to realize how beautiful you were, how god sent your existence was to him and how fucking in love he was. so, he kept going with no intention of stopping. "such a pretty belly, great for holding my kids," he groaned, starting to slowly hump against the couch because of how much he was turned on by you and your body. he was too entranced by you, every action he did showed just that.

he kissed and marked your pudge, causing soft gasps and whimpers to escape you. you were drenching in your panties right now, which choso could see a perfect outline of your pussy lips from where he was. the only reason you weren't wearing shorts was because your shorts felt too suffocating on your thighs, so you wore one of choso's shirts to cover your ass and thighs. which obviously didn't work, since the shirt was now discarded on the floor.

it took him a while to stop, but once he did, he went back to your breasts and unhooked your bra from behind. he let the article of clothing hit the floor before he grabbed one heavy teat, kneading the flesh with his jagged fingertips while you couldn't keep down your noises. you were melting from his touch, everything about him was making you turn into jelly just from his presence alone. no other man could make you feel how choso made you feel, emotionally and physically. he made you feel things that not even god could comprehend, these feelings were so complex and for one person and one person only.

his mouth latched onto your unoccupied tit, sucking and licking the sensitive nub as his other hand pinched and rubbed the other. your nipples were very sensitive so of course this made you even more wet, causing your back to arch into his touch and your throbbing clit to rub against your panties, making you moan out into the air. he could only get harder from here, which caused a wet spot to appear in his underwear. he didn't care though, at least you were both wet together.

"such big tits, good for my babies," he moaned this time, groaning and wincing as he got as much of nothing as he could out of your tit. he would be sucking all the milk out of them when you got pregnant, he couldn't wait for that. he was so obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant right now, your body was perfect for his children and he wanted you to know that. you would be a wonderful mother and you were both ready for kids, being together since high school and never separating. he wanted you, he wanted to have a family with you, and now was the perfect time.

once choso finished with your chest he moved down to the place you wanted him to, but he completely avoided it to go to your thicker thighs. he kissed and licked all over them, moaning as he did so. "such long and plump thighs, perfect for sittin' on me," he huffed, kissing and marking your legs as he went down. once he finished he moved back up to your heat, kissing the outside of it and licking your clit through your underwear. "such a pretty little pussy, and just for me," he gruffed, using his teeth to tear apart the barrier between his mouth and your cunt, discarding it onto the floor.

after that, he went to town. he grabbed your thighs and held them as he dove nose first into your cunt, licking and sucking around your labia and moving from your clit to your hole. you let out a surprised moan at the fact that he went so fast and ate you like a starved man, which was turning you on even more. he could taste your fluids rushing on his tongue and all he could do was whine and hump the couch, your taste putting him in a trance that he never wanted to get away from. he wanted to taste you on his tongue forever, and he made that obvious in everything he did.

he made it his duty to make sure that you understood that you could feel every bit of his love through how aggressive and hard he was eating you out. he knew that he was going hard but that's what made it fun, that's what made you realize how good of a man your boyfriend was. now you wish he was your husband, but that will change very soon. his messy work on your pussy had you reeling and keening, he knew exactly how to please you and it made you feel so good knowing that he cared this much.

"mm, choso, baby, 'm close," you cooed, grabbing his head and pushing it more into your vagina. he obviously didn't oblige, getting as much of you as he could on his tongue. you came undone a few seconds after that, crying out his name as you covered his face with your fluids. he was surprised how he didn't cream his pants right then and there, but he didn't, which meant he was going to fill you up with all his kin.

he slurped and licked everything he could, some falling around his chin and down his neck. he could feel how you clenched your thighs around him too as you came, which got him even more excited. you were too much for this man, he couldn't contain himself when he was around you. so, after a few minutes of drinking up your juices he freed himself from your grasp, panting like a dog as he stared at you through lustful eyes. his gaze was like a hungry wolf to a poor sheep, you being the sheep in this scenario. he wanted to devour every bit of you, never let you go until all the meat was consumed off your bones.

though, he needed some help as well.

choso grabbed you by under your armpits and picked you up like it was nothing, ultimately making you gasp and blush at the sheer shock of your boyfriend carrying you around like a ragdoll despite your added weight. that made you curl up in his arms as he carried you to your shared bedroom, laying you down on the bed and going to slide off his soaked boxers. his cock sprang out of its prison and hit above his belly button, making you gulp. no matter how much you had taken his cock, the size still shocked you every time. now it was getting serious.

he crawled onto the bed and in between your legs, hooking them up on his shoulders and lining his tip with your quaking hole. you realized how much weight he was actually putting on his shoulders so you tried to move your legs, but he stopped you by holding your calves tightly. "babe, your legs weigh so much less than what i squat. you're not gonna hurt me," he smiled, you about to respond until he shoved his full length deep inside you, your noises sounding like music to his ears.

the thrusts were slow, deep, appreciative of your tight walls and gushing pussy. he would lean down and kiss your lips, softly massaging your skin as his cockhead kept kissing the tip of your cervix. "such a tight fuckin' pussy, my pussy, holdin' my kids," he groaned into the kiss, you responding with a strained noise as he thrusted particularly deep inside you. you loved the dirty talk, it was so good and it had you clenching around him once again. he sucked in his lips at this, wincing and holding back a groan of pleasure.

after a minute of this however, he started to drive inside you a bit faster. you of course didn't complain, you were starting to get close to your 2nd orgasm. choso wasn't close however, despite how much pre-cum was leaking inside you. he wanted to make you cum so many times, splash your insides white with his seed and make you a mother of his children. so, a rough finger pad went to your clit, rubbing it to the speed of his thrusts, which slowly increased with time.

the noise that escaped you was pitiful, making choso's mind churn with thoughts of wanting to just impregnate you so deep that you would be pregnant with triplets, quadruplets even. he looked down at your face, god you were beautiful. lashes fluttering, thick long braids splayed all over the pillow, chocolate brown skin covered in a thin layer of sweat from the pure sex you two were having. he loved how hot you looked like this, your loud moans echoing throughout the room fueling him to go faster.

choso kept your legs up as his heavy balls slammed against your ass, the claps getting louder and louder with each thrust. they were soft yet so aggressive, like something had possessed him to just give it to you dirty. but, you didn't have a single ounce of a complaint, he always did you so right because he knew just how to please you, no other man could.

you were getting closer by the second, his rough thrusts and his fast rubs on your clit were sending you higher and higher. he knew this so he kept going, giving it to you exactly how you wanted it. he praises never stopped though, he kept making you feel good, physically and mentally.

"god, such a good pussy, and just f'me." "such a pretty girl with pretty moans, would make a good mother of my kids." "good girl baby... just keep going back on me like that."

his lips never stopped moving, which was very rare during sex. he wasn't very talkative but he was very vocal, voicing to you every noise you made him express due to you and your wonderful body. it turned you on even more, how much he was talking to you and how good he could talk to you. it had you clenching around him harder, throwing your head back and creaming his cock for the second time that night. he bit his lip and rocked his hips through your orgasm, making your noises grow and grow until they died down.

you didn't even notice choso stall inside you until his cum started to pour into you, thick creamy globs pumping inside you for almost a minute. he groaned and leaned down, panting into your neck as he finished in you. "godddd baby, pussy milkin' me dry, fuck," he moaned, you holding his back and marking it with your nails as he finished.

-----------

after your session was finished (it took all night) you were held in his arms, none of you asleep as your company was enough to keep you awake. however, your boyfriend got a little sneaky idea, so he sat up with you in his arms and looked down at you. "babe, come with me to my art room," he said, not letting you decide as he picked you up, walking over to the art room that was all the way near the garage and into the room next to the garage door.

he sat you down on a chair he had in the room, it was covered in dried paint but it was also covered by a clean towel. he went over to his potter lathe and cleaned it off with a piece of leftover wood he had from a previous project of his. you were confused as to why he was currently setting up his wheel but you didn't question it, you learned that the first year you two were together. also, heads up, but you were both naked and he didn't have anything to wipe his hands off with. but, he had a sink in the room as well, since it was an old bathroom before he revamped it but kept the sink.

he grabbed some clay from on his shelf that he had let sit for almost a week, using his strength to slice it up and smash together. he continued this until he had the perfect amount/consistency, looking back at you with a sweaty face. "baby, can you spread your legs just a little? for this next piece i want it to be inspired by you and how good you look with my kin spilling out of you," he remarked oh so nonchalantly, making you blush extremely but you obliged nonetheless. he smiled and started up his lathe, wetting the clay just a little first before starting to sculpt.

it took a good few hours to get every meticulous crease, every indent and every curve on your gorgeous body and you didn't have to do much but just sit there. the chair had a back so you were fairly comfortable, so you fell asleep in a little under thirty minutes. that was more than enough for him to be able to manipulate your body and turn you every which way he oh so desired.

the piece was done in under three hours to get your exact body shape, the clay in your exact shade of skin tone and he had to carefully take it off the wheel before getting a blow dryer and drying it manually. after it dried he got his little knife and cut all the pieces to get every detail of your body as an exact replica. while you were asleep, he softly grabbed your body to see what he was missing, getting every piece down until it was completed.

when he had finished, it was over five hours worth of work he had done just for you. he would keep this replica of you in his office as a reminder of you, a reminder of how beautiful you were to him and how your body was even better. he let the clay dry as he washed his hands off, drying them with a towel he had left in here before picking you up, carrying you to your shared bed.

he laid you down and laid down right next to you, cradling you in his arms before falling asleep, safe and sound.

"choso, why the fuck is there a replica of me in your art room with your cum comin' out of me?"

"it was a surprise, you weren't supposed to know..."

"surprise for who?"

"...me."

"CHOSO!"

© gg 2023. dividers were made by me. do not steal, use, or repost my work without my consent. reblogging/interaction is welcomed.

[badperson-8]

You can write that M!MC starts to go crazy and starts having not very pleasant thoughts against everyone until he gets tired and can't take it anymore.

I interpreted this ask in my own way, because I'm pretty sure that 'can't take it anymore' was for something different, but here we go.

I love them.

Even when Mammon breaks into my room and sneakily steals something to pay off his debts. He's the Avatar of Greed, he can't resist his nature. I've been saving up for several months to afford this stuff, and now it's gone. But things come and go. Love doesn't.

I love them.

Even when Levi throws a tantrum after I beat him in his favorite game and accidentally slashes my body with his claws. He's the Avatar of Envy, he can't resist his nature. I now have a scar, but I think it suits me. Love can't be hurt as easily as my body.

I love them.

Even when Satan doesn't come to our date. He saw me flirting with Lucifer earlier, and it was too much for him. So when I come to my room and see all the destroyed things, I understand. He's the Avatar of Wrath, he can't resist his nature. He was very sweet afterward, even replaced all the things he broke. If only he knew that my love for him couldn't be replaced by my love for Lucifer.

I love them.

Even when I find Asmo in bed with another man. It doesn't matter that we didn't discuss anything of the sort; I should have known. He's the Avatar of Lust, he can't resist his nature. He studied my reaction very closely, and when he saw that I wasn't angry, he decided that he shouldn't hide his other partners anymore. But he says that he loves me, so that's all right.

I love them.

Even when Beel constantly eats all my food. I think I lost some weight, but I'm sure that he needs food more than I do. He's the Avatar of Gluttony, he can't resist his nature. I tried to ask him to leave me at least something, but despite his best intentions, his hunger always wins. It's all right, I'll figure something out. It's great that my love doesn't need any fuel to sustain itself.

I love them.

Even when Belphie refuses to help me with anything. Cooking, cleaning around the house, or something more simple, like going for groceries. He's the Avatar of Sloth, he can't resist his nature. It must be hard, wanting to sleep constantly. I've never been in his shoes, so how can I judge? I'll do everything myself; my love will live even without his active involvement.

I love them.

Even when Lucifer gets mad at me. I didn't do my homework in time and disappointed Lord Diavolo. It doesn't matter that Mammon stole my PC and Satan destroyed the room, so I couldn't do the task. It doesn't matter that my scar hurts too much, and I feel a little dizzy from the lack of food. It doesn't matter that after finding out about Asmo's numerous secret partners, I couldn't get my shit together. I think something is breaking inside of me. It doesn't matter that I had to do all the chores alone, so I didn't have any time to find alternative means to do my homework.

I am an exchange student. And I should live up to this title, no matter what. That's what Lucifer is telling me. He's the Avatar of Pride, he can't resist his nature. He's used to being perfect, no matter the circumstances, and he expects his partner to be perfect as well. It's his way to show that he cares, and I love him for it.

I love them.

And they love me back. They feel safe around me. They would never see me as a threat. So when I come to their rooms in the dead of night and slice their throats, they don't struggle. Not even Lucifer. I look at the blood that slowly colors their bedsheets in red and wonder: When did my love become so exhausting? But now, when it's finally quiet and lonely, I smile because I realize...

Now I love them even more.

[owlobservation]

Interview with Itoshi Rin (Blaze Battle)

Taken from Blue Lock mobile game "Blaze Battle". Currently, the game is only available in Japan. I haven't played the game yet but thankfully a fan is kind enough to upload Rin's interview on youtube. You can check them here!

There are 10 Q&As in total, most of them are information that has been revealed in Egoist Bible and canon sources.

1. Where are you from?

Up until junior high school I played for Kamakura United Junior Youth. If you play soccer, you've probably heard of it.

2. What is your favorite food?

Ochazuke. I won't even complain if it's sea bream ochazuke.

3. What is your favorite animal?

Owls. They have good eyes. They're cute I guess.

4. What is your favorite subject

Physical Education and Art. English? That's a must for a soccer player.

5. What subjects are you weak at?

Calligraphy is so damn pointless. If you want to copy something, just use a copier.

6. What is your motto?

"The field is a battlefield." That's what soccer is to me.

7. What do you do in your days off?

Immerse myself in horror. Whether by playing games or watching movies. Back in the day it was only soccer...

8. What is your favorite movie?

I've only watched horror movies in these past few years.

9. Who is the person you admire?

Are we talking about soccer players? or....

Sae? ...Bastard, do you want to get killed?

10. What made you start playing soccer?

...Listen up. Don't ever ask me stupid questions again. Ask again and I'll seriously crush you. I'm dead serious.

===================================================

My Notes.

Q1. Rin played for the junior youth (U-15) division of Kamakura United. Sae used to be the ace of this team, winning Japan Club Youth Championship (U-15) when he was only a first-year junior high school student. He was scouted by Re Al because of this. (Light Novel). On his last year of junior high school, Rin also lead his team and won the U-15 Championship. I think that's why Rin answered the question with a bit of sarcasm. His club was pretty famous.

Btw, here's the club name in Japanese: 鎌倉ユナイテッド・ジュニアユース

Q2. Ochazuke (or Chazuke) is a Japanese dish made by pouring green tea, dashi, or hot water over cooked rice. Rin loves the one with sea bream. In Episode Omotesando oneshot, Rin said Ochazuke with sea bream is his tranquilizer* (精神安定剤��and he needs to eat it at least twice a month.

*Tranquilizer/sedative: something used to reduce anxiety, fear, tension, and stress.

Q3. "Owls. I'm fascinated by them. I think it's their eyes." (Egoist Bible)

Q4. He's already fluent in English.

Q5. "I hate having to write exactly as I'm taught." (Egoist Bible)

Q6. 「フィールドは戦場」 "The field is a battlefield" is what Sae told him. (Ch. 124). His other motto mentioned in Egoist Bible 「ぬるい」 "tepid/lukewarm" , is also what Sae told him from the same chapter. and night.

Q7. His hobby: Feeling the "chills" from playing horror games and watching horror movies. (Egoist Bible).

Q8. The Shining is his favorite horror movie (Egoist Bible). They didn't state that in the game for a reason I think lol.

Q9. The interviewer guessed that the person he admired is Sae which pissed him off. He didn't even answer the question. Anyway, the soccer player he admires is David Beckham. Rin said "I respect his kick". (Egoist Bible).

Q10. The question is harmless but Rin refused to answer again. The person who introduced him to soccer was Sae and it seemed like Rin didn't want to mention him at all...

[luis-serra-kennedy]

okay bear in mind my co writer for this has been a strong painkiller it's raw a little rough around the edges yknow but it's Serrennedy being terminally stupid and Leon crying a lot and Luis's grandfather yelling at him for being a slut and awake but sweet family time (also pregnancy tests taking 2 hours for results is historically accurate, this AU is set a few years before the quicker/easier ones were a thing)

“Go away, Luis!” Leon barks when Luis knocks on the bedroom door. “I'm done trying to eat your shitty cooking and I'd rather die in this goddamn bed than let you drag me to a hospital. Fuck Spain. Again.”

“I'm not trying to make you eat or go to the hospital anymore, I promise. I have a surprise for you. If I can come in?”

“Fine. Whatever. It's your house.”

“I'm hoping something more familiar might stay down better than what I've been trying to feed you?” Leon sits up and accepts the bag of food, McDonald's, as a peace offering, with a small smile. Luis just stands by the bed awkwardly while Leon starts eating. “Can I sit? Or do you still need space? I think we need to talk about something, if you're not feeling too horrible right now.”

“Yeah, you can sit,” Luis sits on the bed next to Leon, but still keeps a little bit of distance between them. “I know why you want to talk.”

“Oh. You do? That makes this easier.”

“Yeah. You want to break up because I suck at being a boyfriend. Dead bedroom for weeks because I haven't been in the mood. You take me to Spain with all these grand plans. I get sick and fuck it all up. Your grandpa's so important to you and I know you thought he'd like me, but he doesn't. He hates me because I'm just hiding in here instead of even trying to spend time with him.”

“Don't be stupid. He doesn't hate you,” Something about Luis's demeanor is just a little bit different from when he left, but Leon can't quite figure out what it is. “And I'm definitely not going to dump you. I'd marry you tomorrow, if it weren't for the headache the tabloids would make of it.”

When Leon finishes up his food, he scoots over and starts ramming his head against Luis's shoulder. Luis wasn't willing to make the first move and touch Leon, afraid it might piss him off again. But with Leon taking initiative with the ramming, Luis finally feels comfortable wrapping an arm around Leon's back and kissing the top of his head.

Luis smells so fucking good. He must have bought a new cologne or something. He's never smelled bad, aside from after smoking, but he's never smelled so good that he wants to sit and huff his clothes for hours. Suddenly Leon is crying, just because the smell is way too good. No, there is no way he's crying over that, there has to be something else. Maybe he's still worried he's going to get dumped, because he doesn't understand how Luis is being so nice to him when he's spent the past two days screaming at Luis to fuck off and saying he hates Spain. He should be getting yelled at right now, not getting a gentle arm around him and the top of his head kissed.

“Are you sure you don't want to break up with me?”

“I'm sure. I promise. And don't you dare try and say you're sorry for how you've been acting. I… Uh, I think it actually may be my fault…”

“Shut up. You tried. When I threw up a couple days before we left, you were the one trying to talk me out of going, and I said it felt like some random freak thing and I'd be fine. Really thought it was. You had no idea the travel would make me sicker and bitchier.”

“I'm not sure this is actually about the travel… I didn't go out just to get you food. I, ah, I was talking to my grandfather and he made what he thought was a joke about you, but it really wasn't a joke like he thought.”

“He made a joke about me? You said he didn't hate-”

“Don't cry, mi amor. He doesn't hate you. What he said, along the lines of it seeming like he would be a great grandfather if I had brought a girlfriend home instead, because your moods and nausea were reminding him of when my mother was pregnant with me. Suddenly I felt like an idiot, because the boyfriend I brought home could have been pregnant. I got you pregnant,” If the words were coming from anyone other than Luis, they'd just send a wave of dread through Leon. But it's Luis... “I mean, I think I did. I'm not certain, but I bought some tests for you to take. But I'm pretty sure.”

“Okay.” Leon says, still processing things, not sure what else to say.

“Okay? I thought you'd be freaking out a little more. Or maybe that's just because I'm freaking out and projecting on you. Or maybe… you are freaking out on the inside and just hiding it, you are the strong, silent type, aren't you? No matter, just go take the tests, no point worrying until we know for sure.”

“Just shut up and give me the fucking tests! These stupid things are like two hours, I need to get this show on the road.”

Leon doesn't exit the bathroom immediately after getting the kits set up. He gives himself a minute to be emotional and shed a few tears. And question why the fuck he desperately wants these pregnancy tests to be positive. It has to be because it'll make things make sense. He's not dying, just pregnant. Yeah, that's it. He just wants the simple, straightforward explanation for all his symptoms.

Luis is waiting for him right outside the door when he finally leaves.

“You got the tests set up okay?”

“Yeah! I'm not an idiot, I can follow basic fucking directions. Not even the first time I've used one of these. I'm gonna go lay down. Alone.”

“Okay. Do you want me to come let you know when the tests are ready?” Leon nods. “If you need anything sooner, just yell and I'll come.”

All of Leon's energy disappears when his head hits the pillow. Those tests better be positive, because if he isn't pregnant, he's probably dying or something. He's never felt this exhausted. Even with his head spinning with anxiety, he falls asleep quickly. He's out cold until some knocks on the door wake him up and he shouts that Luis can come in.

“So the tests are done?”

“Yes,” Luis is back to being incredibly cautious, so he walks into the room but doesn't sit down or try to touch Leon. “I think this is good news. You're not sick, you're not being a shitty boyfriend, you're just,” Luis has to pause because he's getting choked up. “Carrying my baby, mi amor. We're having a baby.”

“No we're not! Right now you're at the peak of your career. You've got so much shit you need to do, and you also deserve some time to just enjoy your success without more responsibilities piled on your plate. I'm not having your baby right now, I don't want to feel guilty about ruining your life.”

“Do you remember our first night together? Because I do, every second. I came in my pants on your motorcycle, then I gave you the best head of your life, and then, most importantly, we got high and talked. You said that my album better be a success, so that I could buy you a big house and we could start having kids soon. And I said that if you were really being serious, I'd make it happen within a year. I'd buy a house and we could start trying ASAP, sooner if the album was a hit and I got a big check, a bit later if I only had the acting money to rely on. I was being serious. You're way more important than my career, don't even think about it. I want a baby as soon as you're ready for one. If you want this now…” Luis smiles and tucks a lock of Leon's hair behind his ear and gives him a quick kiss on the lips, short but sweet. “Then this is the happiest day of my life. But if this is too soon for you, that's okay. I can be patient. I stuck it out a decade before success in music, I can stick it out a year for a baby.”

“I'm ready. Been ready since you bought the house, talking about how perfect it would be for having kids. I know you'll be a good dad, all I fucking want right now is to see you holding a baby, our baby, and looking at her life she's the only thing in the world and singing to her and…” Leon is softly crying again. “But I'm so scared this is too early and I'll never get to see that because you're just going to resent us for fucking your life up and you're not going to hold her like that and sing, you won't love her like you're supposed to.”

“Her? Her. You want a girl. Me too. If you're having a girl, she's going to be my little princess. Everything she wants. Whole wardrobe of princess clothes, cutest nursery money can buy, I'll be playing with Barbies and having tea parties everyday,” There's so much warmth in Luis's voice that Leon would have no trouble believing he meant it, if it weren't for the fact that Luis was also an actual actor too. He's still pretty sure Luis means it, just not quite certain. “Same goes for if it's a boy. I don't care what the baby's like. Girl or boy. Playing with action figures or dolls. Football or ballet. Whatever they're into, I'll be into. I'll love them the way I'm supposed to. I promise. I already do.”

“Okay,” Leon says, tears finally slowing. “We're having a baby. In… Shit, how long? You remember how long it's been since I let you top?”

“About a week shy of two months,” Luis says with no delay. Leon gives him a questioning look. “I have a very good memory when it comes to things I've done with you. To you. Things you've done to me. You. I love you.”

“You better love me. I'm giving birth to your kid in seven months. Christ. This is real. You should go tell him he'll be a great grandpa.”

“Leon, are you sure?”

“Uh, if you think he'll take it well. I know it's a lot to drop on him. First you bring home a boyfriend to meet him and he thinks he's never getting great grandkids, now he's learning that somehow you've got a pregnant boyfriend. You can ease him into it instead of telling him now. Or just never tell him. Say I'm really just sick, in seven months call him and say we had a kid from a surrogate. I don't want to fuck up your relationship with him.”

“Lying to him would fuck things up far more than the truth. He'll take it fine. Probably better than he took it when I turned 18 and told him I was moving to France to be a musician instead of applying to med school! But seriously, please don't worry. He's not going to hate you because of this, he's not like that. I promise it will go fine.”

Leon is curled up in a ball sobbing and hyperventilating when Luis comes back to the bedroom, because it did not go fine. Leon doesn't know how bad, but he knows it was bad. All he could hear was a lot of very angry sounding Spanish from the other side of the door. Luis's arms are around him almost superhumanly fast.

“Shh, you're okay, you're safe. I'm here. Everything is okay. Can you talk to me?”

“I just hate yelling,” Leon wraps his arms around Luis and squeezes tight, nails digging into the skin of Luis's back, probably hard enough to hurt him. But the squeezing and Luis's scent are enough to ground him so he can try to breathe normally and talk. “Bad memories.”

“I'm sorry. I got yelled at, but that's okay. No one is yelling at you. No one is mad at you. Don't worry about a thing.”

“I know no one yelled at me, that's the problem. I hate other people yelling. Reminds me of when I was a kid.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Or I can just hold you, or distract you, or-”

“My parents. Bio parents. Their marriage was fucked. They screamed at each other all the time. I'd hide in my closet and cover my ears but I could still hear them. Sometimes they'd throw shit at each other. They didn't yell at me. Just each other, but it was still scary. That's what I think about when I hear someone yelling. Someone yelling at you. Being a scared kid in a closet, helpless. Break up with me. I can't be the reason someone's yelling at you. Just find a girl to get pregnant so you'll have his approval.”

Leon isn't being entirely truthful. He was frequently the target of his father's anger, any time his mom got fed up and stormed out. Krauser liked yelling at him too. But Luis doesn't need to know that right now. Leon already feels too exposed just talking about his parents yelling at each other, he doesn't want to spill anything more. Luis will have to know eventually, when something else inevitably breaks him again, but not right now.

“No. No, no, no, no, no. I love you more than anything. We're having a baby together! You are not a wedge between us. He doesn't disapprove of you. He's just pissed at me for repeating one of my deadbeat father's mistakes and accidentally getting someone pregnant. Most of the yelling was just about how I better step up and take damn good care of you, and he'll never want to see my face again if I walk out on you or don't treat you well enough. He is happy too, excited that he will be a great grandfather. Just disappointed in me because he raised me to be more careful and plan before starting a family, not to make a stupid mistake like accidentally getting someone I hadn't even been dating long pregnant.”

“It's not your fault. I told you not to worry about pregnancy, you were only careless because I told you to be.”

“I should have realized sooner. For weeks you've seemed… Different. Eating more, taking naps, and your whole demeanor has just seemed off. I noticed all these things, why didn't I realize what it all meant? I'm so damn stupid. If I had just put the pieces together sooner, you would be home right now.”

“I noticed too. I just pretended none of it was real and tried to power through it because I assumed I was getting sick and couldn't handle that and hoped if I kept my head in the sand I'd magically feel better. Pregnancy wasn't on my radar, I mean I really thought those damn pills would work-” Leon suddenly stops talking and pulls away from Luis. “Fuck.”

Luis knows what's happening immediately, but even with lightning fast reflexes, he can't grab the bowl on the nightstand fast enough and Leon starts vomiting directly onto the bed. It's fucking humiliating, but once he starts, he can't stop.

“You're okay, mi amor, you're okay,” Luis whispers. He holds his hair back and rubs soothing circles on his back. While Leon violently sobs and throws up. “Just get everything out, don't worry, you're okay.”

“Sorry,” Leon chokes out, when he's finally done puking up all his stomach contents. “I'm so nasty.”

“Don't be sorry,” Luis says to the still clammy and trembling Leon. “You're shaking like a leaf, corazon. You feel like you can stand..?”

“With help.”

“Then come on! I think you'll feel a little better after getting cleaned up.”

“Is he still out there? I'm not going to do a walk of shame past him. I'm already embarrassed enough.”

“I'll go ask him to step out for a bit, he'll understand.”

Leon doesn't like someone being told not to go somewhere in their own damn home for him, and he doesn't like the thought of needing help just to walk to the bathroom. But he knows Luis isn't backing down, so he doesn't object when Luis goes out to talk to his grandfather, nor does he when Luis comes back and helps him to his feet. He clings to Luis, because he is shaky and needs to stabilize himself somehow. He could probably make it on his own if he stayed seated for a few minutes, but Luis wasn't going to accept anything less than Leon immediately showering.

Luis guides Leon's body down onto the toilet and turns the shower water on to start warming up. “I'll be right back, I'm just going to go get you clean clothes. Don't get up by yourself.”

Not wanting an ER trip resulting from him losing his balance or slipping in the shower, Leon listens and stays seated. He's facing the sink, where there's still several positive pregnancy tests resting. He'd believed Luis when he said they were all positive, but actually seeing them for himself stirred up something in him. Worried it'll get him overemotional and crying again, he forces his eyes away from the sink and starts getting undressed.

That's a mistake, because looking down at his body also makes him emotional. It's changed so much in so little time. Luis had affected it even before pregnancy; the new relationship caused him to be a lot less disciplined about his fitness, often skipping workouts in favor of spending time with his new boyfriend. So his abs were already fading when he got pregnant. Whatever's left of them is gone, hidden underneath the bloating… His chest looks a little bigger too. And his hips and thighs are definitely bigger, though he already knew that because he'd been trying to pretend that his jeans weren't feeling tighter than usual for the past few weeks.

Finally Luis returns to rescue him from his own thoughts. [insert the gay ass monologue abt Luis's body I'm struggling to write]

Even though Leon is feeling more stable and not worried about falling, Luis still insists on getting in the shower with him and hovering, just in case. When they're done, Leon ignores the clean shirt set out for him and instead grabs Luis's dirty shirt off the floor.

“You smell so good today,” Leon says when they're done, ignoring the clean shirt sitting out for him and instead picking up Luis's dirty shirt off the floor and putting it on. “Some weird hormone bullshit.”

“That's flattering. Hey, can I try something? Carry you?”

“You better not drop me!”

Leon is more afraid of being picked up and carried than he's willing to admit. The last time a man picked him up… Krauser always just picked him up with no warning and threw him over his shoulder with no warning, like he was a sack of grain. Then he'd slam him down on some surface, deliberately making it as painful for Leon as possible.

Luis isn't as strong as Krauser or Leon (at least not as strong as Leon at his peak fitness) but he's in good shape, it's a part of the whole famous hot guy thing, and doesn't struggle to lift Leon. He cradles Leon gently, holding him bridal style, and walks from the bathroom to the couch painstakingly slowly.

“Stay here a minute, baby,” Luis says, lowering Leon down onto the couch. “I need to go get clean sheets and blankets on the bed before you go lay down again.”

“Wait,” Leon grabs Luis's wrist before he turns around to walk away. “I think I want to stay out here? Watch a movie or something. Your grandpa can come out here too. I know it's not the kind of thing that you planned for all of-”

“No, no, it's a perfect idea! Do you need anything? More pillows? Blanket? Whatever you need, I'll get it.”

“I'm fine, just need you.”

“I'm getting you a snack and a drink in case you change your mind,” Luis grabs the TV remote and tosses it to Leon. “You pick what we watch.”

Leon flips through some channels absent-mindedly, not really caring what they watch. When Luis comes back and sits down, Leon gets comfortable. He sprawls out on the couch, laying on his side, resting his head in Luis's lap. Luis alternates between petting Leon's hair and his stomach. Eventually they're joined by Luis's grandfather, who takes a seat in the armchair and starts talking. Leon regrets not going back to bed; he feels so awkward because his introduction to the man ended with Luis ushering him off to the bathroom to throw up before he said a word, and now he's talking and Leon can't understand a word. He was so stupid to think he'd be accepted by Luis's grandfather and feel like he belongs here, he doesn't know how to be a part of a normal family. Even if Luis's grandfather spoke English or he spoke Spanish, Leon would be floundering right now. He just looks up to Luis helplessly.

“He says that he's really happy you're sitting out here with us, because he wants to get to know the man who made all his grandson's dreams come true, who also happens to be the man currently carrying his first great grandchild. You don't need to do anything to earn his approval, you already have it,” Luis translates as Leon starts tearing up and tries hiding his face on Luis's leg, and his grandfather keeps talking. “He also says you shouldn't be embarrassed about crying. Or falling asleep, or getting sick. You know he was around my grandmother when she was pregnant with my mother, and around my mother when she was pregnant with me. He's seen all this before, that's how he figured this out before we did. He- No, we. We both just want to make sure you're taken care of and feeling as good as possible, we don't care that I had to change some plans.”

[bonecaffeine]

hullo! I hope you're doing good <3 i've never usually cared much for matchups but i've fallen in love with the Touchstarved characters. i think the wait is far too long and so i decided to indulge myself heh my description: Pronouns: she/her Name: Lillian (Nickname: Lily) Romantic matchup Physical features: shoulder-length wavy, dark hair that always looks like a mess and deep brown eyes, tan skin, 5'2 (unfortunately) Hobbies: reading, writing, art, video games, working out, cooking, building stuff, collecting random things, Likes: animals, music, films, photography, travelling, architecture, martial arts, sports (mainly football), spicy foods, sweets!! (its an obsession), anything horror and sci-fi, playing in the rain/snow, playfighting, nature, the beach, tattoos, piercings, jackets. i'm a HUGE science nerd, esp when it comes to physics and bio. i love math and history too. also i've had this obsession with the colour blue since i could remember. Dislikes: insects, country music, silence, hot weather, bad listeners, constant lying, geography Random facts: My top love languages are definitely physical affection, quality time and acts of service. I've always been a stubborn picky eater despite my family trying to kill that habit. My music preferences are a mix of metal, rock, indie and pop. it really varies based on my mood. i love listening to classical music as well. I can be quite clumsy most of the time but it helped me develop quick reflexes, i don't actually end up causing a mess often (thank god or i'd be dead). i do get a ton of small injuries though. My recklessness is usually calculated, so don't be worried if i jump off the roof :) (i'm an adrenaline junkie, i can't help it) I do a bit of calisthenics because i'm trying to improve on my core strength and parkour skills. I can be really directionless most of the time because my memory is frankly embarrassingly poor, which means i get lost easily. I'm an ambivert who fluctuates between loving people with my bleeding heart and hating (almost) everyone. i tend to yap a lot. i love intense discussions about anything and everything. it's fun to bicker and tease. I'm overly dramatic and sassy. I like being in charge but wouldn't mind someone else having the reigns for a change. I'm really protective and loyal once i become fond of someone. I'm used to being the one to take care of others, i like to spoil my people. I have this habit of giving a personalized nickname to anyone i'm close to. Once i get attached, i'm real clingy. I try to help out whenever i can, even at my own expense, but i'm working on it. It's really hard for me to open up about my issues and talk about my feelings; i prefer cracking jokes or distractions. I tend to feel cold often, esp my hands and feet. Most of the time my muscles are usually sore. I struggle with sleep and my appetite is kind of inconsistent. I don't get unnerved easily by blood, gore, etc and can watch literally anything with a straight face. My top aesthetic is grunge or dark academia probably.

Thank you for reading all of this lmao <3 I'm so excited to see what you come up with!

Hii, I'm doing well, thanks!^^ here's your matchup!

☆ romantic matchup

☆ tw - none!

...

*Drum roll please* I match you with Ais!

The similiarities between your life styles are so so apparent! Just like you, Ais also lives for a fun challenge and for the feeling of an adrenaline rush. It's fairly obvious by Ais's body type that he's athletic, so he would have no trouble keeping up with your need for adventure, whether that be via sports or doing something daring. I see Ais enjoying martial arts and calisthenics too, and he'd be absolutely down to learn those skills with you!

Additionally, I think that Ais has a high tolerance for spicy food so he'll challenge you to eat a bunch of very spicy food with him as a fun game.

You two also share a liking for animals! He'll be so happy if you share the same interest in keeping soulless as pets, and he'll gladly let you petsit his own soulless when he is busy.

While Ais is an avid yapper himself, sometimes it feels nice to sit back and listen to someone else talk instead. He'll listen to you as intently as he can and if that turns into a fiery debate, then so be it! As stated earlier, Ais loves a good challenge, and he'll try using his wit to win the upperhand in a discussion like the smartass he is. Ais does it because he just loves watching your dramatic reactions! This type of playful teasing appears very often in your relationship.

If you ask about his tattoo, he'll gladly tell you the meaning or the reason he got it. He'll even encourage you to touch it and will use his tattooed arm as an excuse to get closer to you, if only that's what you're comfortable with, of course!

Speaking about physical touch, it's definetly one of his top love languages! He's just not too big on PDA though, but he'll put an arm over your shoulders when you're sitting/walking somewhere. Other than that, he likes cuddling with you in private! He's definetly a big spoon and a comfortable one at that since he has quite a bit of mass.

I think that Ais has acts of service as his love language too, though it's a type of love language reserved for people closest to him, like you. He'll always have a favorite snack of yours somewhere in his pocket, will actively plan dates for you two to go on and will sometimes pick up peculiar trinkets for you to add to your random stuff collection.

Ais doesn't mind that you're a picky eater and won't try to get you to eat things that you really don't want. But if you want to try to eat something new, he'll try it with you!

When you joke about your own struggles and trauma Ais will humor you, but will also briefly remind you that you can talk to him about anything. Ais may not be a very serious guy, but he'll get serious when life calls for it!

...

I hope you enjoy it, Lily!! It may be a bit ooc, so I'm sorry about that!!

[c0rpseductor]

have to explode about this somewhere or i simply will not make it

i am so fucking mad at my mom. i realize in isolation everything happening recently is totally innocuous and normal, it's just like. in context that it hurts.

i hate that she's sick with Probably Covid and asking me for a bunch of extra favors. i had to wash her a cup for water because she didn't feel good the other day, yesterday i had to do her laundry, today i had to cook for her. if this were like, between anybody else it would be fine. it's just like. agh

i feel so angry that she wants me to take care of her and i've ALWAYS taken care of her and i always feel like she just does not give a fuck about my most basic needs beyond "well, lestat's not dead!". it makes me feel ungrateful because i know she does nice stuff for me sometimes too, it's just like, it hurts when i always hide when i'm upset and barely ask her for anything even when i'm in such bad physical pain that i can't function. like most of the time if i'm too unwell to make something to eat i just go without food. i don't like asking her for things and i always feel like there's a limit to how often i can ask for her help, and that i have to be careful to mostly be a kind of pleasant background decoration that never imposes on her.

i always had to be her mom, ever since i was a kid. even when i was little she wasn't consistent and would berate me or get angry with me for just, like, being a kid and wanting or needing stuff. meanwhile i've always been like her little stuffed animal to talk to when she's sad. she always acted like she loves me so much and we're so close but mostly like i'm a possession of hers. i just like. i dont know. im so hung up on when she was drinking and high on coke and she said to me like, "oh id much rather just have a roommates relationship with you instead of being like mother and son." explains much about like, my Entire fucking childhood!

and then she takes credit for how i've turned out as if she raised me, like, i feel like not only did i raise myself but i'm raising her half the time trying to explain basic things about emotional regulation and hereditary mental issues and shit, being the first person she comes to for everything, always having to calm her down or support her when she's venting when i KNOW i can't rely on her in the same way or tell her any of the really challenging issues i have, like just. it's not fair. it's so tiring. materially i am very grateful that she is willing to let me stay with her and that she understands i'm disabled and can't work right now and tries to still help me live a comfortable life (and, cynically, i feel that she's kind of okay with me being in this kind of bad position as long as i don't leave), i know i'm lucky to have food and shelter and things like that.

i just like. man i don't know. i feel like i've been holding this back for days because i just fucking feel like it's so unfair that whenever mom feels bad i'm Favors Boy and i can be expected to do anything for her that she wants, but when i feel bad it's like, locking myself in the bathroom trying to cry quietly enough that she won't notice to clean off blood after cutting, or holing up in my room with a migraine and having to drag myself out of bed to use my Very Little Energy to make myself coffee or get water and then not being able to eat because im too tired to make myself anything substantial and god forbid i ask her, and then after i have my bad episode she's like Hey so i know you have a bad leg and stairs make it worse but i dont like taking out the trash so can that still be your job. it's not like the front steps are even THAT bad it's just like, ok, im so glad you thought about my limp. of course she wouldnt though it's literally her fault my leg is so fucked up and when i went to the hospital for it way back when and it didn't turn out to be a broken bone she was all like haha i told you so! and then laughed at me when i tripped and fell on my crutches coming home. she just does not give a fuck. but ohhhh lestat would you mind feeding me like a baby bird.....your poor old mother is so sick and feeble.....

[bad0mens]

Yesterday was an emotional day for me and not in a good way.

Under the cut because I need it out.

I'm not sure what the 'inciting' incident was, or if there even was one. I think it was honestly just a build up of working retail during the holidays where I'm inundated with people who are rude and impatient and it's been getting to me. My situation at home isn't a bad one. But I constantly feel the 'quiet older middle child syndrome' as well as 'high masking autistic adult who is largely self sufficient disorder'. So I feel like in some ways, I fall through the cracks in the minds of my family. They don't feel they need to worry about me because I'm usually good at taking care of myself.

The problem arises here. In a lot of ways, especially yesterday, I felt like an after thought to my own family. Allow me to explain.

Three of the specific things that got me yesterday, and maybe they sound petty, were:

1. We drove three hours there, expecting a short event packed with lots of people but it was instead a long event packed with people and my social battery is all but dead on my off days because it has to work on my on days. I was able to keep myself mostly sane by working on fics and keeping my earplugs in because my family, especially my younger sister, is very loud. I want to spend time with my family on the holidays, but I also want to relax and be comfortable when the tense of working this time of year is finally starting to ebb.

2. There was a lot of food to go around... But only about 3 things I could actually eat. Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, and stuffing. You may notice there is no protein or real vegetables in any of those options. I've been a vegetarian for going on 20 years. This isn't something new for my family. My mother and younger sister did the cooking and thought to make the stuffing safe for me to eat. But that was it. The worst part of this is, I also forgot to even bring myself something like that to cook, so it's really on me as well (which is a part of the problem I'll get to in a moment).

3. I had two presents to unwrap. I know how ungrateful this sounds. But it's not about the number of presents. It's really not. I got things I asked for and I am grateful for them! It's a chunk of the larger problem, though. There was lots of presentation and fun in other people's gifts. One of mine was thrown haphazardly in a bag with nothing to cover it. The other was a wrapped cardboard box with the item inside.

Normally, any of these one things by themselves is fine, but emotions were running high after a season of working retail (not to mention I got in an argument with my boomer father who started the "no one wants to work these days" that I had to shut down pretty hard").

The problem was that, even on this day about family, I was an after thought. And the problem stems from my own behavior. I'm a helper, I care about other people, I put other people first, constantly. So constantly that I almost never put myself first. So no one else thinks to either. I'm not asking to be the specialist girl at Christmas. I'm asking to feel like I'm cared about as more than a "oh shit we can't forget about--".

I don't put myself first, so why should anyone else? I brush off this behavior in myself and others as fine. I pick pieces of myself apart to try and help other people feel whole when I've never felt whole in my entire life. And the worst part, the most painful part, is that I've ultimately done this to myself.

I sat at the dinner table, feeling alien and broken and alone surrounded by my own family, simultaneously dissociating and trying not to cry. It was my college graduation all over again, when weeks before my father reminded me that art degrees were functionally useless and I was wasting my time and money after a lifetime of hearing the lie that I could be whatever I wanted to be if I worked hard enough. It was that moment all over again. But amplified. It felt like everyone was in on the joke now.

And I still played to other people's comfort. I did not cry about it no matter how increasingly painful it became until 4 hours later when I was finally at home and my older sister asked me what was wrong. And I finally said something. I told her I felt like an after thought.

But it isn't until this moment, nearly 10 hours later, that I'm realizing the truth of it.

Who's going to put me first when I never put me first? Why would anyone bother? I don't. And after what feels like a lifetime of putting other people before myself, I'm left with the fact that my family can't be blamed. I did this to myself.

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

HLVRFF: Chapter 5

It's about lunch time when the odd pair finally cross the threshold of their shared home, and Gordon's stomach is apparently very in tune with the time, as it loudly growls at Benry as soon as they pass by the kitchen. That... feels really weird. When in his own body, the feeling of hunger Benry gets every couple of months is a kind of squirmy feeling (but like, distinctly different from the happy squirmy feeling). In Gordon's human body, though, it's this... weirdly empty burning feeling, like the stomach is trying to eat itself for lack of anything else to digest.

Benry can't really say he's too wild about it.

Now, usually when it's one of the months that Benry actually needs to eat (or he just wants to eat for the hell of it), he can just grab pretty much whatever, shove it in his maw, and call it a day. Perk of the whole 'extreme omnivore' thing. But putting just any old garbage in Gordon's delicate human stomach would prrrrrrobably be a bad idea.

Aw, man, he's gotta actually THINK about what to eat. So sucks.

Benry's tempted to just grab some Froot Loops again (even if they were shitty), but he remembers Gordon once mentioning that humans have to have, like, variety in their diets to get all the vitamins and minerals and shit they need to not die or something. Uhg, why do humans gotta be so high maintenance? Benry wonders if it's just dumb luck that got them to the top of earth's food chain.

Food. Food food food food yeah okay he needs to eat right now.

"yo, gordos," Benry calls out to wherever Gordon disappeared into the house, "when's uh, when's lunch time? your stomach's bein' all weird at me and i'm pretty sure i need to put food in it."

For a moment, Benry gets no response. He's about to repeat himself when Gordon sticks his borrowed head out the guest bathroom doorway. "Sorry, what'd you say?"

And apparently he needs to repeat himself anyway. "lunch time for benry now, please?"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Gordon says, and he starts making his way to the kitchen. Benry follows after him like an expectant hungry cat. He hopes whatever Gordon fixes actually still tastes good. Kinda really fucked up that humans have to eat multiple times every day while having such shitty bad taste buds.

Once they get in the kitchen, Gordon opens up the fridge and starts throwing out suggestions for what he should fix. They all sound pretty boring, as far as Benry's concerned. Gordon eventually decides on fried ham sandwiches, which Benry gueeeeesses is okay. Gordon does fry a mean ham. That's one of the things Benry's come to appreciate about humans- that they got the idea to 'cook' stuff. Who knew that setting a chunk of dead animal cells on fire for a little bit would make it taste so fucking good? Well, humans knew, apparently. Also apparently, cooking food makes it way less dangerous for humans to eat. Something about the heat killing dangerous parasites and bacteria or whatever that could really fuck them over if ingested.

Again- HOW the shit did humans get to be the dominant species that they are today when it seems that just about every little thing can kill them perma-dead?

Benry sits at the kitchen table and watches Gordon as he fries up the deli ham for their sandwiches, the smell of cooking pork filling the room. It doesn't smell nearly as good as it normally does for Benry, but it's still pretty good. Gordon's stomach seems to agree, as it gnaws at itself again in anticipation. Benry presses a hand into his borrowed middle in an attempt to make it cut that shit out.

Thankfully, it's not much longer before Gordon's finished getting lunch ready, putting together the sandwiches and setting them on plates. After he brings the plates over to the table and sets them down, he's about to pop a sit in the chair opposite of Benry when Benry speaks up.

"yo, before you sit down, soda please? drink to go with lunch, thank you?" he asks.

"You can have lemonade," Gordon answers. "I've been trying to cut down on how much soda I drink, remember?"

"booooooooo," Benry replies, slumping in his chair. "c'mon, man, tommy drinks soda all the time and he's totally healthy and shit."

"Yeah, but I'm not Tommy. Sorry, Benry- my body, my dietary rules. Deal with it," Gordon says as he grabs the pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge.

Benry mumbles something in a mocking tone, but he doesn't think Gordon heard it. Oh well. He decides to go ahead and dig into his sandwich, in an attempt to shut up Gordon's stomach, which is growling at him again. The taste is predictably not nearly as good to Gordon's taste buds as it is to Benry's, but it's still better than the Froot Loops were, at least. As Benry eats, he casts a glance back at Gordon, who is taking longer than he probably should to get a glass of lemonade and…

Why is he staring at his hand like that?

"freeman? …you good, bro?"

-----------------

"Sorry, Benry- my body, my dietary rules. Deal with it."

Gordon hears Benry mumble some nonsense mocking sounds in response, but chooses to ignore him as he fetches the lemonade. After grabbing the pitcher out of the fridge, he sets it on the counter and then reaches for the cabinet where he keeps the drinking glasses. It's only when Gordon's reaching up for a glass that he realizes that the glasses are higher than he can grab while stuck at Benry's shorter height, and he's about to turn to ask Benry to get a glass for him-

-when his hand wraps around a glass anyway and he pulls it out of the cabinet.

Because his borrowed arm is suddenly disproportionately longer than it has any right being.

At least, it was until Gordon brought it back down after having grabbed the glass.

Gordon stands frozen, staring at the limb, trembling slightly. He just shape-shifted. A very small amount, yes, but he still did it. Without even meaning to. It just happened. Oh god, oh fuck. It's that easy? It's that easy for that shit to just happen, without him even thinking about it? It was that easy for the fucking John Carpenter's bullshit Benry's body pulled on him last night to happen again-

"freeman? …you good, bro?" Benry asks, startling Gordon from his spiraling thoughts. His head snaps over to face Benry, and anxious green Sweet Voice escapes his mouth when he opens it to say something. They both know what it means. "…uh, guess not, then."

Gordon turns back away from Benry, setting the glass down, and then gripping the counter with both hands. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to take in some calm, deep breaths. It's fine. IT'S FINE. You're fine, Gordon. You shape-shifted on accident, but that doesn't mean you're gonna fucking explode again. The arm went right back to normal pretty much immediately as soon as you noticed it. It's fine, you're fine.

Eventually, the anxious green floating out of Gordon's mouth with each exhale turns into a much more relaxed blue as Gordon manages to stave off that potential panic attack. He takes one more deep, calm breath, before finally pouring a glass of lemonade up for Benry, putting the pitcher back in the fridge, and heading back to the table. Benry cocks his borrowed head to the side as Gordon hands him the glass, looking like he wants to say something, but he stays silent. At least, until Gordon actually sits back down and is just about to bite into his sandwich.

"…you good now?" he asks, and to his credit, there does seem to be a little concern in his tone.

"Honestly? No, I'm not. And I probably won't be until Mr. Coolatta gets back and fixes this shit," Gordon replies bluntly, and then finally takes a bite of his lunch. Benry doesn't say anything after that, and they both eat the rest of their lunch in silence. Gordon's thankful for it, as he's suddenly really not in the mood for any of Benry's... Benrey right now.

Lunch gets finished and dishes get washed. Benry's planted himself down in front of the TV cabinet, seemingly trying to decide which game system he should hook up and play. Gordon's standing in the start of the hall, debating on whether or not he should go attempt a nap to get back the sleep he lost last night. The mental exhaustion is creeping back up on him, but he's still not entirely sure if he feels comfortable leaving Benry unsupervised yet. If all Benry's gonna do is play video games, then it's probably fine. Not like Gordon's nap is gonna be THAT long...

Just then, the home phone in the kitchen begins to ring. Gordon notes the caller ID reading 'Tommy' as he grabs the phone and answers. "Hello?"

"Hi, uh… Mr. Freeman, still?" asks Tommy.

"Yep, still me in here. Unfortunately," Gordon answers with a sigh. "What's up?"

"I just want- just wanted to check up on you! Make sure you were still doing okay," answers Tommy. "How're you feeling?"

"…Been better, honestly. But I haven't turned inside-out again, so I guess I should be thankful for that. No word from your dad, yet?"

"No, sorry, Mr. Freeman…"

There's a sudden shuffling noise on the other end of the line, and a new voice speaks up. "Are you talking to Gordon?" they ask. Gordon hears Tommy make an affirmative sound and says something about 'speaker', and the new voice speaks again, more clearly. "Hey, Gordon! Heard you had… quite a night, last night."

"Hey, Darnold. 'Quite a night' is… kind of an understatement," Gordon says.

"Yyyyeah. Hah, this is weird- hearing you sounding like Benry. Though I suppose it's even weirder on your end, huh?"

"Dude, you don't even know the HALF of it. Did you know Benry can apparently feel colours? I never had much opinion on the colour beige before but FUCK, I can't stand the texture of it! It's like fuckin' sand-paper but moist," Gordon says with a shudder.

"Ooh, yeah, that. That does sound weirder," Darnold says, kind of flatly.

"Yeah, Benry- Benry's got a lot of- of senses that we humans generally don't," Tommy adds.

"Well, anyway," Darnold beings again, "I wanted to talk to you, to tell you that I might be able to help you."

"Yeah?" Gordon says, curious.

"Yeah. I believe I could mix a potion that could reverse your body swap. It might take a little time, but I betcha I could whip it up sooner than Tommy's father will back from his... business trip."

Gordon wasn't getting his hopes up when Darnorld mentioned being able to help, and now he feels right to. While the man's 'potions' can indeed do some amazing things... said things are almost never the intended effect. Like when Darnold gave him that potion to grow back Gordon's missing hand, and he grew a fucking minigun instead.

He doesn't even wanna think what a 'body swap potion' might accidentally do, to his or Benry's body.

"Err, I really appreciate the offer, but I think I'm gonna have to pass on it," Gordon says.

"Eh, suit yourself. Just know that the offer still stands if you change your mind," Darnold replies. Gordon's glad he doesn't sound too offended by being turned down. Guy's kind of sensitive about his potions. "Well," Darnold continues, "I need to get back to what I was doing before. Talk to you later, Gordon!"

"Yeah, later," Gordon says, his farewell followed by the sound of footsteps fading and a door closing on the other end of the line.

Tommy speaks back up again. "Y'know, for what it's worth, I don't- I don't think we'll have to wait too long for my dad to get back. Maybe- maybe not even a full week."

"God I hope so," Gordon groans. A week is still pretty damn long if you ask him, but at least it's shorter than a month.

"Hey, is Benry there to talk?" Tommy asks.

"Oh, uh, yeah. I think he's just playing video games. I can leave you two to chat- I was just about to go lay down for a nap. Didn't manage to fall back asleep last night, after you left."

"Oh? Yeah, that- that makes sense. Benry doesn't really need to- to sleep much, so your brain won't be getting the- the normal sleep signals. Which probably isn't good, since- since you're used to sleeping. So you probably should go take a nap," Tommy says.

Exiting the kitchen and moving into the living room, Gordon comes up behind the couch where Benry's sat, playing something on the PS3. He taps Benry on the shoulder and says, "Hey, Tommy wants to talk to you."

Gordon barely has time to offer Benry the phone when the entity snatches it from his hand. He just makes a little tch sound at that, before walking away and heading for his bedroom, last thing he hears from the living room being Benry yelling 'TOMMYYYYYY' into the receiver.

The mental exhaustion has come back with a vengeance when he finally makes it into his bedroom. After getting Benry's boots off and grabbing a weighted blanket from the closet (hoping that the pressure might help him sleep?), Gordon flops down onto the bed. He eagerly soaks in the softness of his pillow and the weight of the blanket, both succeeding in making him feel a little more relaxed. The universe seems to take pity on him again, as he does actually manage to fall asleep after not that long. It's a nice, dreamless slumber.

At first.

The universe apparently changed its mind about the whole pity thing, deciding instead to tell Gordon to go fuck himself in the form of a brand new nightmare.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gordon opens his eyes, but he instantly regrets it, squinting at the blinding light baring down on him. He tries shield his eyes with a hand, but finds that limbs are all stuck in place. He's strapped down to some flat, cold surface, and the room is permeated by the sterile smell of disinfectant.

He's hyperventilating now. How did he get here? Where even IS here? He tries to look around to get an idea, but everything is obscured by that horrible bright light.

His panicked breaths and heart rate pick up even more when he hears something moving off to the side. Metallic clattering, followed by a voice. He can't make out a single word the voice is saying- it sounds like it's underwater or something. It's quickly joined by a couple of other voices, all equally muffled.

"Please... please..." Gordon weeps. He knows what's about to happen. How does he know that? It's happened before. Has it? Multiple times. This is new to him? They can never get enough. What??

His thoughts are immediately interrupted when a cold, sharp blade slices into him, from each end of his collar bone, and straight down the middle to his groin. He screams as the knife cuts through his flesh, so achingly slow. His weeping from earlier turns into full on sobbing as the muffled voices start to carefully peel away layers of skin, fat, and muscle, exposing his innards for all the world to see. Gloved hands plunge into his opened abdomen, and he screams again through gritted teeth. He raises his head, and sees those hands pull what looks like a cluster of writhing eels out of his abdominal cavity, inky black and dripping with deep deep sanguine blood.

"No, no, please, please," Gordon sobs out. His pleading falls of deaf ears, however, as another knife is brought in to sever the organ's connections to the rest of his body.

He wails in pain again, and he doesn't stop, they just keep going, they keep taking, why do they keep doing this, what do they even want from him-

All the previous sensations immediately vanish as a new one makes itself known.

Thin, bony digits cupping the side of his face.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gordon's eyes snap open, and he is infinitely relieved when he realizes he's not strapped to a metal table in some white room, but is laying safe in his bed. He closes his eyes back and sighs. That… was NOT one of the nightmares he usually has. What the hell even WAS that? Aside from incredibly fucked up, of course.

There's a shuffling by his bed, and Gordon opens his eyes back up, expecting to see Benry.

Instead, his eyes are met by the empty sockets of a very familiar skeleton. It tilts its head and clacks its mandible at him.

Gordon lets out a very undignified shriek.

[lavendertowerarchives]

I seem to only be interacting with things under the guise of addictions. I mus clarify, I don't believe I am addicted to anything, but the only pleasures I gain are from engaging with the source in a depraved, desperate, and destructive manner.

I indulge in my interest to an unfortunate excess. I can't have just a little of something. It's not really a decision I make, whether to "have a lot" of a thing or only have a little. I decide to have some, and the decision to stop never crosses my mind, no matter the external reasons. Everything else becomes neglected. Day after day.

The variety of my various sources of happiness is wide enough and discrete enough that I feel comfortable saying I am not addicted to anything. If I crave something like I can't live without it, then it's the only thing I crave. Several hours later, that thing will be dead to me, whether I get it or not.

I love my partner. I spend day after day with them, only after not seeing them for even longer. There is not a single second where we are more than 10 meters apart.

I love video games. I will play them for hours on end, postponing literally everything. I don't eat, piss, respond, sleep, etc. I will accidentally or purposefully ignore dire needs of my body to the point of debilitating pain, simply because I don't see it as "important" or sometimes just not noticing how bad it is.

The same happens with writing, be it code or prose or poetry. I have a puzzle to solve, and I have the fuel for my brain to keep it occupied into the late hours of the next morning. I normally have a semi-rigid discipline for when I go to sleep. Not when I write. I know my inspiration will not return for entire agonizing days at a time if I'm interrupted for even thirty seconds.

If I talk to my friends at all (not likely), it's for hours. I will be laughing my ass off or be the most in-depth problem solver for miles around. My devotion will not wane. After the fact, I can see how problematic it might seem, to have someone so into the conversation, but it's rather difficult to contain my enthusiasm for a single person's giant donation of attention.

I've found that I have become confused about how pleasure works. This happens every so often, but I have never found a way out of it. Why do I chase these things, what is this intangible value I call "happiness?" Why does stupid shit happen when it runs out, and why does that stupid shit make so much sense to me only half the time? I must risk sounding purposefully edgy and dark, but I assure you, this is not just to grab attention or justify being bleak for the sake of being bleak:

It sounds futile. This stuff keeps going away. It leaves me at unsustainable rates. I'm spending this currency faster than I can earn it. I'm eating this food faster than I can cook it. My day isn't over yet I need it to end now. Whatever metaphor you want to use. I dunno.

Me, finding this conclusion, looks like convergent evolution. No one convinced me of this or told me this or led me to believe this. I came to it on my own. It happens to match what many other people think, but I keep other people's conclusions out of my own theories since whatever circumstances drew them to their own lines of thought are not my own.

I'm sad that I sound so stock, so... Boring. On retrospection, being boring and saying what's already been said isn't bad. I just make it seem bad since I despise using other people's work. This time, we all did different work to get the same product. I'm just doing accidental peer review. Life is fucking useless but I'll keep using it until it breaks. It seems pretty damned best up and bent right now.

Life's pretty fuckin shit right now. Even with no responsibilities, I have no energy. It turns out that the stressors weren't exactly the problem, I was just like this from the start.

[beeseverywhen]

Not american but honestly may contains/companies labelling completely unnecessary foods as 'not suitable for X allergy sufferers' is the bane of my fucking life. Today I bought pistachios, in their shell, without any salt or flavouring or whatever and realised they'd changed the label to 'may contain' nuts, peanuts, gluten, milk, mustard, sesame and soya that's like all of the things!!! This is a wholefood! Preparing your own food doesn't work when the labeling restricts allergy sufferers from the ingredients they need to make those foods! Dr's will literally advise you to homecook and not consider the fact that so many ingredients needed to cook things are listed as may contain/ have unnecessary additions.

People without allergies assume that when you say you have to be careful with processed foods you mean McDonald's or KFC and are like 'well that's fine. You've got motivation to do the thing we should all be doing anyway.' No!!!! I'm having to make everything from scratch. Like actually from scratch. Beware of stock cubes, spice mixes, fucking flour!!! Cause they add stuff that isn't a part of that food to all of those foods. I'm allergic to soy, which is in about 70% of processed food. I've got a deadly allergy but I still eat may contains because I literally have no choice.

Unless I want to start growing every ingredient of everything I eat and grinding my own flour, I'm at risk of exposure. There is no escaping soy in a modern Western diet. It gets added to everything for texture, consistency, for seemingly no reason at all most of the time and I'm being told by my Dr's to avoid all may contains, meanwhile, I'm being lectured by rando's who like to tell me all all given opportunity that soy allergies are 'only' gastrointestinal (let's not even unpack that one. My sister is celiac. It's no less of an issue for her to be exposed to gluten just because her sensitivity doesn't cause imminent death like mine does), people love to say that soy oil and soy lecithin doesn't contain enough allergen to cause a reaction, in spite of the majority of my reactions having been after being (accidentally) exposed to those because everyone thinks its less dangerous with trace amounts so aren't so careful. And I can't even blame them for thinking so because that's the food standards agency's position.

Like do you want me to explain to my immune system that actually lecithin and cooking oil don't cause anaphylaxis? Cause it doesn't seem to agree. I guess they can put me in a posthumous study with those ingredients being a novel cause of anaphylaxis cause I won't be any less dead if I'm exposed and can't get the reaction under control

Anyway excellent point about making sure you're getting sufficient micronutrients. Once you start limiting foods it becomes way way harder to get access to the same levels of nurtients you could get otherwise. (Understandably) ppl with allergies tend to be more reluctant to try new foods which can make something that's already a lot more difficult than you'd think, way way harder. I'd encourage everyone to look at the quantity some pretty essential things, is actually in the food you eat. Western diets rely on fortified flours/cereals/ other food products because the standard diet doesn't include nearly enough animal products and fruit/veggies to prevent things like neural spine defects in babies but they only start fortifying once it's obvious that a certain deficiency is responsible for a significant number of problems in the population. Nutrition science is very very new (like past century. Vitamin wasn't a word until 1912) and fortifying corn or wheat with certain things doesn't actually give it the same level of nutrients as a person would get had they a varied diet that isn't mainly grain based. 'Too much of anything is bad for you' but the western diet relies on huge amounts of certain starchy carbohydrates (potatoes, wheat, corn) which make you feel full! And give you energy! But don't actually contain a lot of the things your body needs to grow. Meat and veg/fruits are the most nutrient dense foods so replacing these with large quantities of a few lower nutrient but filling foods, is not gonna be good in the long term.

Variation is a really important part of the human diet, we evolved eating lots of seeds/different plants and meats/fish (things we could hunt and gather pretty much) farming came later. Farming does guarantee consistent access to food in a way that hunting and gathering doesn't which is great! But the lack of natural Variation in our diets day to day that it's led to is less than great. Look at our closest relatives and look at what they are being fed in zoo's! Very varied. Some animals have evolved to eat diets centering around one thing but humans 100% didn't and I'd argue that a lot of modern health problems are directly related to what we eat. Diet may not be the cause but it can make symptoms so much worse (and I say this as someone with a long term health condition that I've had since birth and is definitely not caused by my diet, what I eat 100% has an impact on the severity of my symptoms), and its absolutely disgraceful that the only time diet gets a look in with healthcare is when telling ppl to eat less.

Food related poor health has little to do with the quantity people are eating, or their self control and a lot more to do with the fact that like with everything, profit is put first when it comes to food. Eating the right food for your body is expensive, time consuming, and really difficult! A lot of foods considered to be healthy ('plant based' processed foods are awful for this, as are low fat/low calorie options.) Just aren't. They are low in nutrients and way more processed than they need to be (which can impact on your bodies ability to absorb it) It's all marketing. You are supposed to think its a healthy option and buy it. But realistically, most of the food in a supermarket is just not ideal for human consumption. A lot of people actually don't eat enough (if you regularly aren't having at least 3 meals a day, your body isn't going to be able to work properly.)We evolved constantly snacking through the day. A lot of ppl told to lose weight for health reasons actually need to eat more not less. If you cut out a meal to try and lose weight, your body will go in to starvation mode and hoard fat. If you don't eat enough you get stuck in a cycle of starvation/binge which causes you to overeat when you do actually eat and makes you crave foods that are sugary/ filling (because your body thinks you are starving! It doesn't know there's vegetable soup in the fridge! It's like quickly! Get some sugar! We're dying!) Anyway I've gone off on a complete tangent but yeah, most 'healthy eating Knowledge' is just marketing bullshit and so most ppl are not getting what their body needs from food.

the uncommon allergy haver to anticapitalist pipeline

[randoimago]

Zelda for the ask game please!

So I've only played Twilight Princess, Link to the Past, and Breath of the Wild >.< I've been meaning to play more LoZ games (I feel like I'd love Majora's Mask) but damn is finding the time and energy for new games hard 😅

I did this for BotW tho since that's the game I actually have written requests for

Ask Game Here

3 male characters I love: Link, Sidon, Kazz (I get so happy anytime I hear his music playing)

3 female characters I love: Paya, Mipha, Greta (she got me the hookups in Gerudo Town)

3 romantic ships I love: Mipha/Link 😭, Zelda/Link, Sidon/Link

3 platonic dynamics I love: Urbosa/Zelda (they're silly), Ganon/Link/Zelda (I have seen fanart of the three as friends and it's unbelievably cute), firm believer that Paya/Mipha would be the cutest friendship (just girls gossiping about why Link is the cutest and then them routing for each other)

3 favorite moments in canon:

The fact that you can be an absolute gremlin with the old man in the beginning of the game. Stealing his apples and then constantly pestering him about the glider. They give Link so much personality with these options even if he is the "silent protagonist"

This one is me specific, but I did Divine Beast Vah Naboris first (I saw images of Link in fem clothes and I went feral with need) and then I went to do Vah Medoh and I was prepared for it to be tedious and the boss fight to suck ass. Nope, I was surprised with how easy it was. The disbelief and relief I went was immeasurable. It was very funny.

Also me specific, but I got so excited when I found a "fairy fountain" but was so confused because there weren't any fairies around. And then I saw the title being like Dead Horse Shrine or smth and I was nervous chuckling. When I saw that fucking thing pop out of the fountain I gasped so loud because I was so not prepared. I was ready for a hot, thicc fairy to show up

3 favorite headcanons:

I really do think it would be cute to just have a Ganon, Link, Zelda friendship thing. Just seeing a cutscene of them hanging out or something (also hearing Matthew Mercer voicing Ganon being soft?? oof)

Kind of mentioned this with the platonic ships, but I do love the idea of a Mipha/Paya friendship just being them being cute and giggling and talking about crushes only to talk about how cool and handsome Link is and then routing for the other to get in a relationship with him.

Link and the others going out for weekly bowling. Of course, they'd need to all dress up in snow gear and there would be "I'm not used to this much clothing, that's why I suck at bowling" excuses, but it'd be fun.

3 least favorite things about it:

So when I wrote the Link oneshot for my October event, I wrote the cricket thing from my own experience. I knew the guy wanted 100 crickets before I took the quest so I went out and spent so much time to get those crickets and then I come back and am told to just get 10. False advertising, made me sad (I had hella elixirs tho)

Okay but with the elixir thing, I know that the tips and what not is like "Use monster parts to make elixir", but I really think some monster parts should be able to be cooked in a meal. And I'm not saying that because I'm salty that I accidentally tried cooking many Lizalfo tails (cause I kept forgetting that it's a monster part and not food somehow, lowkey I would eat one if it was prepared right)

Wish there were more feminine outfits for Link. It would be too powerful, but I wish there was more. And also good feminine outfits too so I can just have Link looking fem as fuck with good armor as well. I want it, I need it.

[casspurrjoybell-29]

Frayed Ties - Chapter 25 - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Danya woke slowly to what sounded like someone snoring nearby, and then abruptly the rest of the way after cataloguing in his head who it could be and coming up with an answer.

It was Yore but he wasn't snoring.

His breathing had gotten worse.

There was daylight coming in through the windows now and Lucas was laying next to Yore, a hand on his forehead.

Hamish was on Lucas' other side, spooning him from behind so that they could all fit on the bed.

On the small table next to Yore's bed there was a bowl with a tied bundle of gently smoking dried leaves in it.

It had filled the room with a strong, herbal smell.

When Danya shifted, Simon moved with him.

He was already awake.

Danya covered a yawn with the back of his hand as he sat up.

"How is he?"

"Pretty shit," Lucas said. "I'm cooling his fever. They said the one thing that would be fine in all this was his brain but... well. Not if a fever fries it."

"Good thinking. Is everyone still here?"

"Nah, just me. I need to talk to Liam about how some of my criminal friends might be able to help out with what he has planned, for a price. But he's off saving the day or whatever, so I'm just waiting around. After that's sorted, I'll head off and find my friends. They probably think I'm dead right now, which isn't great."

"Yeah, Simon," Hamish murmured into the back of Lucas' neck.

"Hey, I was kidnapped," Simon objected.

"Pshh," Hamish said but he didn't dispute that.

"I need to get back to healing him but I should eat soon," Danya said. "Is there someone we can ask for something to eat?"

"Oh, right. Food."

Simon sat up and combed his fingers through Danya's hair to free it from the mess of sleep.

"That didn't even cross my mind last night."

"Mine either," Danya admitted. "There was just... too much. But it's been a day since any of us have eaten now and I'm starting to feel it."

"I mean, I ate," Lucas said. "I hope your guy survives and gets better because I really wanted to smooch his pretty face and now... not so much. But I'm not going to starve myself over it."

"That's why you care?" Simon asked.

"No, Simon, that was a joke," Lucas said. "I care because of empathy or whatever but I've never taken anything seriously in my life before and I'm not about to start now."

Hamish stretched out until he rolled off the side of the bed but he turned it into a tumble that ended with him on his feet.

"I'll go ask about food."

"Make sure they boil the water and prepare things in a safe way," Simon said. "I still remember Slone trying to cook that turkey. From what I understand werewolves don't have to deal with things like food poisoning and I'm not sure most of them realise we do."

Hamish pulled a shirt on for the first time since he'd taken his wet one off last night.

"I'm going to sound like such a picky bitch."

"Don't worry," Lucas said. "Liam got food and drink for the group for the journey yesterday. No way you rank higher on the picky bitch scale than him."

"Personally I don't think asking for food that won't make us seriously ill is all that unreasonable," Simon said.

"But Simon, I don't wanna look weak in front of the sexy wolf people," Hamish whined but he was already on the way to the door.

Simon and Danya got up and had just finished moving a bedside table and a chair out of the way so that they could drag a second bed next to Yore's, when already Hamish was back.

"That was quick," Simon commented as he moved over so that Hamish could help them lift the bed.

"Yeah, that little girl from last night who got us clothes was standing around outside, so I just asked her to get us something."

"Little girl?"

Hamish lifted the edge of the blanket on Yore's bed up so that they could push the two beds together and drape the blanket over the divide.

"Yeah. I thought she was like ten, maybe but now that I think of it they're a lot smaller than us so I may have just entrusted a six year old with the task of feeding us."

"Oh, great. We're all going to get food poisoning and die."

"Well, I mean, just the two of you, really," Lucas said. "Danya and I'll be fine. Which is great because we're the only ones doing anything useful around here."

Hamish lay back down behind Lucas, his hand settling on his hip.

Lucas twisted his head to look at him.

"Oh wait, I was using you to keep me balanced, wasn't I? Fuck. That'll be so much less pleasant when you're simultaneously shitting and puking yourself to death."

"When did you two get so cosy, anyway?" Simon asked as he and Danya climbed onto the other side of the now joined beds.

For a moment, Hamish just looked at him.

"Simon, remember yesterday morning when I told you I wanted Lucas with us because we'd 'bonded' the night before?"

"Oh."

Simon shook his head and sighed.

"I should have known."

Hamish grinned.

"I didn't think I was being that subtle."

"Wait a minute, you decided who you wanted us to fight with based on who you'd been fucking?"

"Well, technically so did you."

"I did not. Danya was the logical choice."

"Uh huh."

Danya held a hand up.

"It doesn't matter. I was already going to be with the two of you and the other mages are fighting pairs. Lucas would have been with us whether Hamish had requested it or not."

"Huh," Hamish said. "True."

"And technically we did talk as well as fuck," Lucas added.

"Also true," Hamish agreed.

"He's an interesting guy. Companions are so pretty but even without the whole slavery thing I just can't deal with the meekness. It scares me."

"And straight back to talking about sex," Simon commented.

"Shut up," Hamish said. "I mean yes but also shut up. It may sound shitty but I didn't really used to think that they were the same as us. You know, not lesser or anything but still just... different in some way I hadn't really thought too much about. But Lucas was raised by humans, as a human would be and he acts just like one. And I feel kinda like an asshole for expecting anything else."

"Don't feel bad," Danya said. "I really didn't know either. Lucas, when I first talked to you it made me uncomfortable. It felt so wrong. But I'm glad I met you and I hope we can keep in touch. Seeing you be yourself helped me realise that I didn't have to be ashamed to be something other than what I'd been raised to be. That I can be a person, not a thing."

"Geez, well, okay," Lucas said. "I was probably going to be around from time to time anyway but yeah, okay. I'll make sure I come visit."

"Thank you," Danya said. "I think it would help the kids, too. Especially Kin."

Lucas grinned.

"He hates me."

Danya shook his head.

"No, he just, I get it. I struggle with Kin. I was the oldest at the House for a long time, so it was my job to help shape the younger boys. Nothing cruel but hmm. There are expectations. Manners, etiquette. Kin looks like the perfect Companion but his training was interrupted. It's hard to resist prodding him back into line, especially since I think part of him desperately wants me to. And then he sees you and... it's scary. It's a challenge to everything he knows, everything he is."

"I do get it," Lucas said. "I always knew I was different, that was obvious and there were plenty of people who wouldn't let me forget it but I was still pretty isolated from it when I was a kid. I didn't know any other mages. But then I got a bit older and they realised they could dress me up and use me to get into fancy parties because nobody questions someone who can afford an expensive Companion. I was thirteen and I saw other mages, Companions who looked just like me and I realised that was what I would have been. It freaked me out so bad that we almost didn't try it again."

"I hope I don't make you uncomfortable. I know I'm still..."

Danya glanced behind him at Simon, trying to find the right word, then turned back to Lucas.

"Well, I'm not like you. Not yet and maybe not ever."

[sea-salted-wolverine]

@disasterhimbo I'm tagging you because you asked but also I'm just looking for an excuse to put information out there.

If you have never canned anything before you're best off starting with jam/jelly/marmelade/fruit preserves of some kind and water bath canning because you most likely already have everything you need. Assuming you have the elbow room in your kitchen to work, and a way to boil water and cook the food you want in your jars, you will need a pot big enough to submerge your jars in and another pot to boil sanitize your lids in. And a window to open because there's a lot of boiling and steam.

The jars are sold in the back of every grocery store in America and the more rural you get the closer they get to the front of the store. They're sold in flats of a dozen and have a manual included with recipes and techniques and instructions. The jars are cheap, about a dollar or so each depending on which kind. The fancy jars are more but unless you really want pretty colors and designs on the side you don't need them.

The different shapes are for different contents, but they will all do the same job. For jams and jellies you want jars on the smaller side so you can finish your serving size, so I recommend half a pint or smaller. Keep the box that your jars came in so when you have full jars you can put them back in the box and keep your pantry organized.

Despite all the different shapes the lids are standard sizes which is good because they only seal once. Or at least they're only guaranteed to seal once, I've had wierd things happen with mine but I only trust the seal the first time. So the jars can be reused forever, but the lids are consumables. They're also cheap, in the $6 for a dozen range.

The other thing you're gonna need, and you really will need it, is a pair of canning tongs. Also a magnet on a stick. They're generally sold together as a package right next to the jars. They are for picking up the boiling hot jars and reaching into the boiling water to grab your lids. DO NOT TRY TO DO THIS WITH YOUR FINGERS. DO NOT TRY TO DO THIS WITH NORMAL TONGS. IT HURTS. ALOT.

The canning tongs are grippy and shaped to grab the jar. They don't need to be fancy but you really do need them. Boiling jam and broken glass all over your kitchen is bad. Trust me.

Hot things expand and contract as they cool off and thats the physics we're exploiting when we can things. Hot food goes into a hot jar and the lid goes on with a rubbery seal while everything is expanding. As it cools off to room temp on the counter the hot food and air inside the jar contracts and sucks the lid down with negative pressure. Because it was boiling, all the bacteria in the jar that could have cause food spoilage is dead and because it's sealed nothing new can get in. the lids are very slightly concave and will pop down as they seal, so you have confirmation that you can hear and see and feel that it worked. If it doesn't do this, get another lid and redo the jar. If you look at any store bought jar it will call this the safety button on the lid and it pops up once the jar has been opened.

Because your kitchen is full of steam and everything just came out of boiling water, things will be a bit damp. The lids are metal and will corrode if you store them wet so make sure everything is dry before you put them away. The companies that sell the jars can guarantee the seal for 18 months which is the max time allowed by the FDA. But if you process everything correctly and nothing fails, these things will last for decades. Whether or not you're brave enough to eat something that went into a jar in the bush administration is a different question but you can.

Canning is so fuckin satisfying.

Imagine the feeling of having exactly the right amount of leftovers to perfectly fill the Tupperware. And then that over and over again because the jars come in standard sizes and you can do the math beforehand. Something is satisfied in the monkey brain when you get to cram a bunch of things in containers. You get to watch the cooling jars go plop-polop as they seal themselves and you never have to worry about them going bad. Even if you forget about them for years you will never run into the adhd food tax. Its literally the single most sustainable way to store food, there's no refrigeration, no perpetual carbon foot print or fee. You can reuse the jars for decades. You can do one jar on a stove top or you can scale up and do dozens at once. Sunlight gleaming through jars of canned veggies is one of the most gorgeous things you can see in this life. You can gift them and you don't even have to wrap it because unless you're canning some really odd shit its always appreciated. There isn't much that can't be canned and you can start mixing things up until you have a simple meal that just needs to be warmed up ready to go at all times. If you're concerned about allergies you have complete control about what's going into your canned goods. You can do big jars or teeny jars or fancy jars and the jars are cheap.

Magnificent monkey brain activity. I've been possessed by spirit of a woman from 1846.

[starvette]

T 4/90

Another mess of a day. At least it was cold and windy again so I just slept intermittently and badly for a lot of the afternoon. Kept waking up and thinking just SUCH stupid, stupid nonsensical thoughts. Later mom came and wept about dad and wanted me to fix everything and called us both weird. Then she occupied the bathroom right when I needed it.

I finally tried organizing my selfies. I take way too many and the quality has gone down to rock bottom. Overwhelmed after some hours, I went grocery shopping. I shouldn't have bought anything, but I did because I can't go a day without grocery shopping. It's a compulsion after years of daily grocery shopping. I didn't actually need any new food. I have discount bell peppers and beets in the fridge. Since I had almost no money left all I got was 220g of this stale dry refined wheat bread. I told myself it would be good fuel for the imminent run. Then I got home, had 10 minutes left, made popcorn. Of course I couldn't eat it fast enough and felt too full to run, sat in bed to try to digest everything quickly, but then it got too late. Didn't run.

I should have worked out at that point but I decided to get Sims instead. It took a bit to figure out how to get them going on Linux. Sims took forever to download and it's still got 1GB to go. I tried to think of edgy sim names and organized more selfies. So, so many bad, bad selfies. Now I feel truly sick and absolutely exhausted. I have to stop myself right here, shake this day off and go do something useful like my skincare and little workouts, and even dead hanging outside. And feed the fucking popcorn kernels to birds. I tried googling if they can digest that stuff at all and I think they can? Birds are crazy dinosaurs. I've just been so scared of making popcorn since The Incident. I think the pot will overheat and explode and razor sharp shards of steel will like rip right into my gut at F1 speed and the glass lid will explode too, in my eyes. And I will die right there on the kitchen floor. I've got 675g popcorn kernels left. The birds can have them.

Beyond the explosions, I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to eat popcorn at all. Ache eat maize but I don't know. I'm rather scared of grains now but I also didn't want to just keep the vaguely tempting popcorn for months in my pantry until it dries out and becomes unpoppable since I read in a cooking blog that moist kernels pop better. I just want the fucking corn out of my house. It scares me. I need to eat clean for a long time.

Mairi got back to me. I love her too much. She will be able to tell me her upcoming schedule only after 'a few weeks'. More waiting. Meanwhile I must diligently investigate molecules not play the sims. Wondering if I'll ever get to be normal.