#i need to be crazy about them. i need to rant my ass off about how silly they are

[witherfide]

ugh Im so sick of them. (ive dug myself into a pit so deep analyzing their mind that we are starting to blend into one) ((they. are not ..REAL ))

[5-htagonist]

i am genuinely so crazyyyy about lbruuuuu.... like Genuinely Genuinely. its pretty bad guise

[circus-k]

i think i have to kill someone.

[shroomiethefrogwhisperer]

Humans Are Crazy

Aliens have such different gender and biology from humans that none of them menstruate. So imagine this.

Alien: Human Steve, why did I find blood on the lavatory floor?

Steve: Oh, that's just Karen.

Alien: What??

Steve: Human females bleed from their reproductive organs once every month for five to seven days.

Alien: wHAT?!

Steve, calmly: Yeah, they can lose enough blood in a lifetime to kill ten grown men.

Alien: WHaT ?!?!

Karen, walking in: Steve, I need A FUCKING break. And chocolate. And a heating pad. I'll be in my sleeping quarters. Also, I threw up.

Steve: Okay, take the day off, I'll bring you your stuff in a bit.

Alien: *jots down in notebook* Human females are indestructible and fearsome. Regard them with respect.

EDIT: I swear, if this is the thing that makes me Tumblr famous, I’m gonna blow a braincell. And I don’t have many of those left, so…

Edit 2: Guys. Guys. What?! My grumpy menstrual rant is in no way worthy of being tumblr famous. *is mildly to severely confused/thankful/bumfuddled*

Edit 3: Why is this still getting notes wtf

Edit 4: STOP REBLOGING THISSSSSS

edit 5: if you like this, go look at these:

This is now a masterlist.

[artgletic]

PREVVVVVV THANK YOUUUUU i drew another for you ( :

so theres this embodiment of deception...

[othercrossee]

[blond3ang3l]

Eren is a geek lover. He absolutely is enamored with you. Watching your lips with every word you spoke. The way you got excited telling him about every single new detail of the things you got interested in. Eren worked hard as a famous rnb singer, long days in the studio trying to perfect his songs. Then having to perform when he literally had the WORST anxiety known to man. It always felt like someone needed him and was on his ass about something.

But he did it all for you. For moment like this were he could come home and listen to you tell him. About the things you’ve watched in your huge list of video essays that you had in a playlist on YouTube. How you lit up telling him different facts from how the dating game killer had a coworker that also happened to be a serial killer and he didn’t know to the conspiracy theory of the 27 club, no matter what you said it always made you so happy and seeing you all giddy and stimming while you talked to him made him so content with his life.

…and his dick very hard

“I know cotards syndrome, Koro, Diogenes, fregoli, hypochondria, pica, capgras, boanthropy, apotenmophilia, kulver bulcy, ekbom, erotomania, Stendhal. Pics is like one of the more well known. You know that show my strange addiction that we watch together? Yeah so like those people who eat the random shit like the lady who ate rocks- omg that reminds me!”

Erens ass was not listening one bit. He was watching you, watching your body. You guys had been apart for a little over a month so could do a very short tour in another country and he was sick as fuck that he couldn’t bring you. Everyone knew it too. His attitude fucking sucked that trip. He was antsy, his anxiety was through the roof, he snapped at everyone, overall he fucking hated it. But now, sitting here with you he finally felt at peace.

You were sitting on his lap, yapping his ear off. His eyes couldn’t help but wander to your legs which lead him to notice you were wearing his boxers. The way your thick thighs filled them out compared to his own, he couldn’t resist grabbing them. Grabbing them led to groping them, which lead to him sneaking his hands under the boxer. This caught you off guard and stopped your sudden rant with a small gasp. He chuckled and slipped two fingers in his mouth covering them in his saliva before slipping them back under the boxers.

“Cmon baby, keeping telling me about the little videos.”

He had to have been joking. No way was he just gonna pretend he wasn’t teasing you. Like his finger wasn’t circling around your aching hole.

“Go on I’m waiting baby. Keeping telling me bout what you learned.”

As much as you wanted to roll your eyes you knew it would get you no where. This wasn’t a new thing, eren was always so needy. It was always worse after a tour. Even if it had only been a relatively short one.

“Okay well like I was saying, erotomania is something that a lot of celebrity stalkers have. Especially kpop ones. It’s when someone genuinely believes they’re in a relationship with a celebrity. Remember that girl that literally would follow you to the airport? That crazy bitch probably had it.”

Eren couldn’t help but bite his lip as he listened to you go on. God you looked so fucking good. Your hair looked so good. He was so glad he got you your own personal stylist so you never had to worry about needing to go to a shop or someone else’s house. You smelled so good too. That vanilla body oil you used was just fucking irresistible. He didn’t know whether he liked that one or the strawberry poundcake one more. Either way it only made him want you more.

He slowly slid a finger inside you, watching your face contort as you tried to keep your composure. A deep chuckle erupted from his throat. He missed seeing your face. Facetime wasn’t enough. Having to sneak off to the bathroom to jerk off to pictures and homemade pornos wasn’t enough for him. He needed to see you. To feel you. He slid his free hand up your shirt, groping your chest as he thrusted finger in out and of you.

“R-ren, fuck. Cmon baby, how am i supposed to talk while you’re doing this.”

Your whines only made eren smile as he thrusted a second finger inside you. He watched you as you threw your head back while crying out. He was enjoying every second of teasing you. You were so impatient and he knew it. That’s why he catered to every need you had. You hated having to wait and tended to be bratty when you did. So he made everything about you. Whatever you wanted you had. But this time he needed to be selfish. He wanted to watch you come undone first. And that’s exactly what we’re doing.

Your tight grip on his shoulders told him everything. Your nails were digging deep into his skin as you pushed back against his fingers. You didn’t want to admit it but you missed Ren so much. Your fingers and toys didn’t compare to what he could do. How he could prolong your orgasm by teasing you. He could feel you leaking all over his thigh, his boxers now all sticky along with his thigh. He slowly slid his fingers out of you causing you whine.

He didn’t feel bad at all. It was about him this time. He gripped your hips dragging you along his thigh, making it even more of a mess. You hid your face out of embarrassment. It was too much at how he could make you a whiny mess. No other man could do this to you but him.

You couldn’t help the small noises that fell past your lips as you grinded against his thigh. Eren shivered feeling your warm breath against the side of his neck. The way you tugged at his hair he knew you were close. He could read your body like a damn book.

“Cmon baby, almost there. Let me see you.”

“F-fuck ren, I cant.”

Eren wasn’t having that at all. You couldn’t what? You were gonna disobey him? No chance in hell. He gripped your jaw forcing you to look at him

“You telling me no baby? I could have sworn I said I wanted to see your face. I’ve been gone for a long time and you think your whining is gonna stop me?”

You loved moment like this when Eren suddenly got serious. He was…well he was very off Standish which came off to mean as others. But he babied you. The moment you told him no thought after he told you to do something? It was like a switch flipped in him. His tight grip on your face was only turning you on more which made you rut against his leg faster.

“You’re gonna be good aren’t you baby? Gonna cum for me like a good little whore?”

You eagerly nodded as you bit your lip. You could only cry out his name as you came all over his thigh, making a mess in his boxers. Eren kept his grip on your face to make sure you maintained eye contact the entire time. A smirk creeping on his face as you came.

“There you go baby, let’s go get you cleaned up..”

———————————————————————

@merakidoll Eren fic just like I promised🫶🏽

———————————————————————

Based of a conversation with my boyfriend where I literally was going on about mental illness during my rant about the many video essays I watch

[pheenixbabe]

elephant in the room 🐘

rant about the state of online shifting; "get-it-off my chest" moment

part 1. scripting trauma/ being a bad person in a dr how many people are really doing "bad things" or scripting in trauma in their dr? lets be so fucking for real here. why is it that everytime someone "morally corrupt" it gets exposed months apart and the "culprit" is some small ass account with like ten followers? its not common. and im not saying it never happens. but shiftok is always on about these people and im like...who tf are yall talking about? they find one bad apple and then decide the whole community needs to be reminded how fucked up it is to do xyz.

i mean lets be realistic, how many people are going out of their way to script something traumatic or harmful? the majority of the online community (reddit, tumblr, tiktok) always talks about shifting for their s/o, adventure, frienships, family or a better life in some way. how many people are deliberately scripting to harm themselves or others? and is the number really so much that we need thinkpiece after thinkpiece about it?

aand when others behave immorally or get traumatized in their dr they will experience it. they will see the effects of any bad things they do to others. they will feel the trauma first hand and suffer from what theyve scripted in many ways. we dont need to punish these people. their dr will do it for them.

P. S what about when you shift to a dr like the walking dead? or even mha and keep in the war arc? thats traumatic. hell, even an idol / fame dr can be traumatic and those are hella common! yet nobody bats an eye or reprimands it...odd...

part 2. racebending race doesnt exist. i saw a shiftoker (a white one too??) act like someone was crazy for saying it! the whole concept was created by europeans! white mans burden, race based social classes, and eugenics all seems natural to yall? i mean logically its not odd to anyone that modern racial concepts were made by the same group of people in the same time period...? the time period people needed excuses to kill, rape, steal from and enslave other groups... search up "who created race" and then report back to me..anyways..

name one good thing that splitting people up and assigning them identities based on their background does for us? its caused mocking of those that dont fit the mold their race gives them, harmful views of other because of their racial group(s) and low self esteem from outside perceptions of your race. oh and division among groups on top of everything. so what is the point of holding on to race? abandon it! shift to be white, asian, black, indigenous, do what you want! youre not "changing your race" until you shift to become a different species (and theyres obvi nothing wrong w that!).

and some people say "if you script your another race your downplaying the racism poc face" but not every country has the same type of racism the states has. not every country is even as racist as the states. for example if im shifting to be fully south korean born & raised, and live full time in south korea, its not likely ill experience racism. and even so you can just...script out racism? like what...some people literally hate shifters who dont script out racism and expect everyone to script it out, but then turn to say that they cant change their race because of racism...huh? genuinely dont get that.

P. S im only really preaching abandonment of race so flippantly in regard to shifting. in this reality we're kinda stuck with it at this point lol.

P.S.S and it seems shifters from the usa hate racebending the most! as an american, i wonder how much of that is being intimidated that the concept of a racial hierarchy, that our nation has been built upon for centuries, can be shattered so easily...and therefore obviously proves it as obsolete. food for thought. (half joking here teehee)

[ashwhowrites]

Hi! can I please request an Older! Eddie Munson x Hargrove! reader, maybe they're neighbors and they hate each other, Eddie gets tired of of "the Hargrove kid" (reader) always doing parties, he tried to talk with Billy, Reader's dad, but he didn't thought his daughter would be like that, so Eddie talks with reader again, so they end up making out (maybe you could add smut) p.s I think I sent you this request before, but I don't remember!

Older Eddie 🫶🏻🫶🏻 I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting

⚠️ smutty

Weekend nights

Eddie groaned as the loud music woke him up from his sleep. He opened his eyes and glared toward his alarm clock, he sighed. Another Friday night rest was interrupted by his neighbor.

He reached over for his landline and dialed his neighbor, it rang and rang. Then sent him to voicemail. He rolled his eyes as his call remained ignored by the loud party going on. He slipped on a shirt and walked over to his window. Not to his surprise, the yard was covered in young kids.

Eddie had been dealing with his neighbor every weekend for the past month, and he was tired of it.

Eddie and Y/N weren't friends, and not even close to being friendly neighbors. Y/N got on Eddie's nerves. The way she purposely drove him crazy then batted her eyelashes and faked innocence. She crashed her car into his garbage bins and refused to take the blame. On Halloween she egged his house, only to send him a kiss when he marched out the door. She was a pain in his ass.

~~

Sunday morning arrived and Eddie pounded on the Hargrove's door. He came face to face with Billy. The annoyed look made Eddie think twice.

"You have any idea what time it is Munson?" Billy growled, his strong arms crossed and Eddie tried not to back down.

"Do you have any idea what time your daughter's parties go until? It's been a month since of her waking me up at two am because she refuses to turn down the music. I've called, I've crashed the party, and she has no respect!" Eddie ranted.

"Are you at my door and excusing my daughter of throwing wild parties when I'm not home?" Billy glared, unaware Y/N was coming down the stairs. Her eyes caught Eddie, and she smirked. She yanked down her little tank top, allowing her breasts to pop through.

Eddie bit his lip as he tried to hold in his annoyance. She always played mind games.

"Why would I lie?" Eddie fought back, his attention back on Billy.

"My daughter is a good girl, and she has respect. Get off my porch." Eddie sighed as the door slammed in his face, but still caught the wink Y/N sent.

~~

It was Friday night once again, and Eddie pulled into his driveway. He was tired from work and needed uninterrupted sleep. He walked towards the Hargrove's house and pounded on the door.

"Mr. Munson, how can I help you?" Y/N flirted, her body leaning towards him as she smirked. She would never deny it, if anyone asked her she'd admit how hot she thought Eddie was. And the countess times she thought about him late at night. Eddie marched in the house and Y/N closed the door behind them.

"Oh stop the act," Eddie sneered, "tonight I want silence. No party, no friends, nothing. I want to sleep through the night without your games. I am done with the disrespect."

Y/N couldn't help but clench her thighs as Eddie scolded her. The older man always had her attention and she loved pestering him. She loved that heat and anger in his eyes.

"Oh? And I'm supposed to just obey? It's not like you're my daddy." She pouted, batting her eyelashes. Eddie hated to admit the nickname made him shiver.

"You drive me insane." Eddie groaned as he rubbed his hands over his face. Not noticing Y/N inched closer.

"Maybe I want to drive you insane," She whispered, he jumped when he felt her cold hands slide down his chest. He dropped his hands, moving to move her hands but caught himself not wanting to.

She turned her head to the side and looped her fingers through his belt loops.

"Why?" he whispered back, licking his lips as he looked down at hers.

"Because I want you to fuck me, Munson. Use that aged brain of yours."

She gasped when Eddie dug in hand in her hair, a soft yet harsh tug. "Watch your mouth, young lady." He threatened.

"Yes, sir." She moaned, she swore her mouth was watering at how close his mouth was to hers.

"Why didn't you use your big girl words to ask me? Why pester me and drive me insane?" He asked, his other hand lifted up her chin. He smirked at how easily she turned into a puddle in his hands.

"More fun this way." She tried to laugh but his lips were on hers before she could think. She moaned into his mouth and hungrily gripped at his body. He felt so hard yet soft underneath his dirty white tank top.

"Fun indeed," he teased against her lips as he pulled away.

"What if I fuck you every weekend and you don't throw parties?" He asked, his hand slipping into her pants, he pushed her underwear aside and began to finger her tight cunt.

She panted as she tried to think of words. Sounded like the perfect deal in her head. His fingers felt like a blessing inside of her, and his tongue in her mouth set her on fire.

"Deal" she moaned as she began to ride his fingers.

"Daddy's good girl my ass." Eddie snickered.

Eddie didn't dread the weekends anymore....

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger

[redhead1180]

Can you write me a whimpering, overstimulated JJ? Reader turns it around on him and leaves the man a mess 😙 I’m on my period and horny af 😮‍💨

First off, ma'am, the fact you, the smut queen herself, asked me made my brain short circuit. 😵‍💫😵‍💫 I had to come back to Earth before I could comprehend your ask. 🤯🤯 Lol. Sorry it took me so long, I had a couple of family functions for Father's Day. This actually helped me with my writer's block I have been having as of late. I really hope you like it. I love a subby JJ and always fun to write him.

It was a typical Sunday night as you and JJ watched a movie after being lazy all day. You had let JJ pick the movie, which meant some crazy B movie of big ass worms in the swamp trying to eat the local population. JJ was half sitting and half laying down on the sofa as you laid against his chest, listening to the rumble in his chest as he ranted about the movie.

Normally his theatrics would amuse you and keep you laughing even though it was a terrible movie, but tonight you were bored. Said boredom must have been pretty obvious, because JJ began to pinch your side playfully.

“J don’t” you whined trying to stifle a laugh.

“What’s a matter, babe” JJ asked as he worked at getting me to laugh.

You shrugged “Movie’s not really doing it for me tonight” You mumble trying not to hurt his feelings, but the boy has horrible taste in movies.

“Aahhh” JJ hums as he pulls you on top of him, spreading his legs so you fit snuggly between them, your chin resting on his sternum looking up at him.

“Care to make it more interesting?” he inquires, looking down at you with a shit eating grin.

“Exactly what did you have in mind?” you chuckle.

“Little J is feeling a little cold and lonely, why don’t you cockwarm me the rest of the movie?” he asked cockily.

You were always horrible at this, giving in pretty quickly, wanting more and begging for it. JJ knew this, he knew his girl, and knew this would end in his favor. JJ liked to be in control, and knowing how you lost control at this was why he loved it.

“Hmmm” you pondered, knowing you would give in, but holding out a few minutes. You could feel his dick already getting hard against your stomach. Looking up at him almost made you laugh, his bottom lip poking out and his blue orbs begging. “M’kay” you chuckle, unable to hold it in.

He grabs your face and kisses you passionately, as if he was holding back and would explode. You let him dominate the kiss while you palm him and work to unbutton his shorts. He helps you slide your panties off and pull down his shorts, before you raise up and feel him slide his cock through your folds. You gasp from the stretch, without JJ’s normal prep, it took a minute to adjust to him. Your walls clamp around him, welcoming him into their warmth.

“Shit baby, you feel so good” JJ moaned as he leaned his forehead against mine.

“So do you J,” I hummed “Now be still and watch your movie.”

You laid down on his chest and snuggled into him to finish the movie. It was maybe 30 minutes later you felt JJ begin to squirm.

“JJ be still,” I whined, lightly tapping his thigh, causing him to whimper. I looked at him and he was biting his lip and hitting me with puppy dog eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?

“I want you to move, please, baby.”

You set up and place your hands on the couch arm behind him, leaning towards him till your lips are almost touching. “What’s wrong J, need something more?”

“Mhmm” he whined, his hands squeezing my hips, silently begging me to move. He reached up to kiss me and I pulled back with a smile, taunting him. He pouted.

“You gotta be a good boy to get what you want,” You taunted, barely rolling your hips on him, causing him to gasp. “Have you been a good boy, baby?”

“Yes, please baby, I just -fuck- I just need you to move,” he panted as he pawed at my hips, my waist, and my chest. Burying his head in my neck, I clenched around him, causing him to buck his hips and cry out. “Oh fuck, please mama, need you to fuck me!”

“Shhh, I’m gonna make you feel all better, I promise,” I cooed as I rolled my hips back and forth, riding him slowly at first. I could feel his cock slide in and out of my soaked pussy, feeling every ridge and vein.

“Oh God, mama, more” JJ whimpered.

I pushed his hands onto the couch arm, using them as leverage to help pick up speed and ride him harder. With each thrust of my hips he slammed into couch, letting out tiny moans each time. He worked his hands free and wrapped his arms around my waist, babbling in my neck praise and thank you’s. I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him close. His thighs began to shake as held me tighter.

“Mama, I’m gonna cum, I’m cum-“

I feel JJ’s hot release hit my walls as his hips sputter under me. I don’t stop or slow down and I feel his arms tighten around me.

“Good boy, but I didn’t cum,” you whisper in his ear. Speeding your hips up, you hear him whimper.

“Baby, I can’t, you gotta stop” he whines in your neck.

“Nah, you gotta another, besides I’m close baby.” I rasp in his ear, before his head falls back and I see tears in his eyes.

I kiss him hard and passionately, taking what I wanted, while he squirmed underneath me, whimpering and whining. The little noises he was making were shooting straight to my core, I felt almost feral as I rode him harder, slamming him harder into the couch with each jerk of my hips.

“Baby, please, I can’t,” he whimpers, barely able to speak from the overstimulation. His hips jerking with each slam of mine. I slapped his thigh and chased my high, grabbing him around the throat.

“C’mon, JJ, I know you can be a good boy for Mama, I’m so close baby” I murmur to him. I feel my skin began to burn, I felt the band in my stomach tighten, my core tingling as I feel my release close. JJ has his head thrown back, tears running down his cheeks, “uh-uhs” falling from his lips.

“JJ!” I panted, “Fuck!” I moaned right as I felt the band snap and my climax releases all over his cock. I hear JJ cry out as I feel him cum again, his body going limp under me. I collapse on him, kissing his face and neck, praising him as he waited for his soul to return to his body.

“You ok, baby?” I ask as I he looks at me, grinning like a drunk.

“Fuck, baby that was the hottest shit we’ve ever done” he lazily smiled.

“Wasn’t too much?”

“Oh, hell no, give me 30 and we will go again” he lightly panted. I just chuckled, causing him to jump and grab my hips. “Fuck, babe, still sensitive” he cried.

[simonisferal]

not you again! “scaramouche x male reader”

episode thirteen: holy shit, am i hallucinating or do i see a bobble-headed bitch coming my way? 📖

warnings: vulgar language, death threats, average scarayn interaction, i lost my train of thought mid sentence and winged it

notes: i rewrote this four times and i hated each version so just have this 😭

words: 900

You remember the last time he looked at you like that.

It was three years ago, the summer you were planning to move from Inazuma. Your parents wanted a new start someplace else.You didn't complain. You couldn't complain. How would you explain everything, let alone anything to those two?

He didn't take it well, as expected. You tried, you really did, but it was a futile attempt as he turned away from you and stormed off.

He is still the same person.

Scaramouche's blood ran cold. Of course he knew you were going to be there—he purposefully went there to see you—but you were different now. Your eyes didn't have the same pain they used to have. Even before the summer started, you managed to harbor some sort of hurt in them. Scaramouche can't figure out if that's a good thing or not.

He looked about the same. The same mole under his left eye, the familiar wrinkle on his cheek when he pressed his lips together, the demure posture he forces himself to wear. His eye bags were heavier and darker, his nose was crooked from where you last touched him, and his hands wavered by his side before he put them in his pocket.

It was probably the flask of vodka Childe decided to sneak in and let you drink that made you remember so much but you speak. "What are you doing here?" You don't miss the way his eyes flicker to the side just for a second, his jaw clenches, or how his grasp inside of his pockets tighten. "Nothing important. I have to do something."

There was an awkward silence that filled the cellar, basement, whatever the bitch is. "Do what?"

It wasn't louder than a whisper but you know he still heard it. Scaramouche opens his mouth to speak but then closes it. He clears his throat. "I need to say…" He pauses. "...Sorry."

It was a confusing feeling. Someone you shared years with, someone who'd never back down easily, someone who'd rather run away from his problems than settle down and work them out, saying sorry. Did he change or is he joking for the hell of it?

"Sorry? Is that all?" You can't help the accusatory snarl that comes out. He could've done anything else, but showing up in person just to apologize is crazy. "Did you really come here for that or did you see me and think it was funny to joke?"

You can tell that he regretted talking to you, maybe even coming from wherever he was, but you didn't care. You continued your little rant, not giving him a chance to speak, "I'm supposed to fucking believe your 'sorry' ass when you can't even look me in the eye? That's a load of bullshit. You're here on someone else's agenda, not yours." You point a finger at him and then retract it for a second before pointing it again, this time with more sentiment.

He looks away from the ground and up at you. His eyebrows were furrowed and a hint of bitterness. "You can't even speak your own mind. Don't come after me with your idiotic view of me."

"Right, because you can." You scoff.

Scaramouche glares at you. He takes a small step closer to you, not really making a difference in the large gap you two have. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You know what it means. You think playing ’good little son’ is gonna get you your mother’s favor back? Hilarious."

"I don't want her favor back," He snarks. "I don't need it." He takes a small step closer to you, as if daring you to take one too. He had this strange way of pulling you closer to him.

"Of course! Because you going to Harvard was always the plan—you just needed to convince your mom it wasn't what you wanted, like the manipulator you fucking are." You didn't really care that the music upstairs stopped or that the stairs hesitantly creaked as more weight was put onto them.

"You don't know what you're talking about. You never just have the patience to liste—"

You cross your arms. "Because you do?"

Scaramouche pauses. He never thought you would remind him of his mother in any way; that was one of the traits he liked about you, but now, seeing you 'scold' him as if he's in the wrong just made him feel exasperated. "Stop saying that like I'm the only one with flaws. We both know what sick game you were playing while…"

He can't even get the words out of his mouth.

They tasted too bitter and bloody and he struggled even thinking about it.

"I didn't do anything. And if you weren't so stuck up your ass about how I felt about you back then, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Oh, really now?" He raised an eyebrow and leaned in a bit closer to you. "Where would we be then? Still together?" It was a sick joke, the first thing that came to mind even though he had practiced speaking to you in the car beforehand. He expected a slap, maybe another punch, or an outburst of insults coming his way, but no.

Instead there was just an awkward shift in posture, a pressed frown, and a forced scoff.

"Maybe."

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taglist: @furiscara, @fisbred, @shutingstar, @terapung, @scaradooche,

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@notrsz, @mercy-not-merci, @kiekole, @pwaap, @vxcmx,

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@alicerosejane, @khsuvy

[kaceythecrunch]

RANT. (sturntok.)

Yall. Im so mad. Sturntok pisses me the fuck off to the point it isn't even funny anymore. This might be messy, so bare with me.

Tara. Why the fuck is everyone pressed about Tara hanging out with the triplet, specifically matt and Chris. Yall are acting as if it was only two of them, like they're on a date. They were with fucking I don't know, 8 other people? Like why does Sturntok care who they hangout with? Did you not learn from elementary school to mind your bees wax, or business? You're probably 15. They're literally 5 years older than you. There is no way, in any universe they're gonna date you girl. ALSO TO SHIT ON TARA?? LIKE GIRL. FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO SHIT ON CUZ HOMEGIRL DONT CARE. SHE DONT CARE. SHE IS STRIVING AND LIVING LIFE LIKE YOU SHOULD GIRL. Live life and don't care. You'll probably have a positive outcome. No cuz y'all know how Chris owns the Saturn necklace thing? Its vivienne underwood. It's less than 20 bucks on Amazon. Also when was the last time y'all saw Chris wearing that necklace girl. Also there's a post from like months, or I think a year ago of Tara wearing the same necklace. These fucking tiktok girls are so annoying. Like we get it, everyone wants to be Tara. (she's my gf.)

Podcast. I saw a bunch of btiches shit on the podcast. Like cmon. THEY ARE PRODUCING AN HOUR LONG VIDEO FOR YALL EVERY WEEK. Mfs are burnt out, you're lucky that they even produce content for you ungreatful hoes. Like lwk, I'd rather have them remove Wednesday videos. I remember when they first started their podcast that they were really excited to start and stuff. I also remember, I believe it was their earlier vlogs. When they were still living in Boston and they haven't like went to LA yet, they were talking about turning their basement into a podcast room. Like cmon. This is something they've been wanting to do and you hoes just don't appreciate anything. Like have y'all's mama's not been pissed at y'all for not appreciating her food. Live life positive and not negative tf. But ofc, I respect their decision.

Intro. Yall just love to shit on everyone. Ruining the party. Sturntok reminds me of the kids-the class "clowns" who would be so shitty to the teacher for no reason and would ruin fun things for everyone. Like guys, I think we should all as a community bully Sturntok. It requires a bit more bullying, just to knock some sense into their heads. Anyways, back to what I was ranting about. I loved their new intro. its a new era. A new them. Change. Is. Fucking. hard. I understand that you love the teens from Boston running around making fools of themselves. Me too, I shall admit it. But in order to get sponsorships, to get the little paring things. (For example, them sponsoring Celsius, even becoming the youtooz thing.) Like they gotta act more professional.

Change. This tied in with the last few things. CHANGE IS HARD. CHANGE IS A DIFFICULT THING. But how the fuck are you gonna live life, and enjoy life when your stuck on one thing forever. Change is needed for growth, and for learning. Like guys, THEYRE 20. I think that's something y'all forget. They aren't teenagers anymore. Its kinda like how when everyone went into middle school and started to not like kiddy things when you still liked kiddy things. When I was in middle school I still like to play with Legos, draw, watch anime. Until I hit 7th grade, aka everyone's downfall. I still enjoy some of those things today but I changed because people in middle school stopped like those things and its embarrassing (well for me at least) to show up in school with anime shirts cuz I'm getting older. Thats what they're feeling I guess. Again, theyre 20 now.

Crazy ass mfs. Crazy, as in them soft mf's on sturntok. Also what pisses me off more is that they're coming here on tumblr. Like no, I know your soft ass belongs on Wattpad bffr. I have a long rant about this one, so bare with me again. They are so so so so so SOOOOO sensitive about the "spicy edits." Sometimes the fucking video frame isn't even about something "spicy" aka- them being shirtless, video frame near their crotch. It was when there was a song about sex. How soft can you be. Most songs these days are about sex. Some songs y'all probably didn't know about was about sex. (cake by the ocean for example.) LIKE LETS ME FOR REAL. MOST SONGS ARE ABOUT SEX. Also with the tiktok audios being removed like cmon. Not everything is about sunshine and rainbows. I remember I commented on a Chris edit and I was like.

"I need this man in my life. He's so hot."

"you're fucking gross. He's a human being and do you know how grossed out he would be if he saw that you said this? (bullshitbullshit,morebullshitandstupidness.)"

Yeah, keeping fucking running your mouth. THIS TIKTOK HAS LIKE 4K VIEWS. DO YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MUCH FUCKING FOLLOWERS THE TRIPLETS HAVE? YEAH. THAT'S NOT EVEN A QUARTER OF WHAT THEY HAVE. THIS VIDEO HAS 1K COMMENTS. ARE THEY FUCKING HUNTING ME DOWN?? MY COMMENT HAS 3 LIKES. WHY WOULD THEY CARE TO FUCKING CHECK GIRL. ITS ALSO TELLING THE FUCKING PERSON WHO EDITED THIS THAT THIS EDIT WAS FIRE AND THAT THEY MADE THE EDIT HELLA GOOD. UR FUCKING LUCKY I KEPT MY ANGER TO MYSELF CUZ OH GIRL. I WOULD SUCKER PUNCH YOU. You know whats also funny? They're the same people who will be pissed with when they see matt or Chris with a female. Like girl. You're calling me fucking gross? Do you think how much more worse that is than my comment? You ruin friendships. OG sturniolo fans know that they've been friends with girls. If you genuinely care, yall would know that nick made most of matt and chris' friends. Meaning most of them were females. SO OBVIOUSLY THEYRE GONNA HAVE GIRL FRIENDS. I remember watching the Zach sang pod when nick was on and he explained that matt usually doesn't make the friends. Theres a joke where matt says "I'm gonna make a friend that wasn't originally nick's friends." smth like that. Anyways, off topic. Just because they are seen with a girl, doesn't mean they are fucking dating them. Like shut the fuck up. please. Respectfully shut the fuck because I'm a nice person. Also Chris gives off major virgin vibes lets bffr.

Madi. Yall hate so bad on Madi and its fucking grossing me out. Why do you have to ship her with matt and chris??? Literally to the point they can't even put her in photo dumps or videos. You just gotta ruin it for everyone, huh? shes fucking gorgeous, and she's so funny in videos. Plus, when she does talk shes hillarious. She literally reminds me of Matt. She doesn't fucking talk much because she is more of a listener.. Like guys bffr. How can you hate her when she barley spoke in videos. Like respectfully, shut the fuck up. Yall just jealous shes pretty.

Calling Nick fine. I also hate them mfs who are always running their mouth about girls calling Nick fine. Lets bffr. Y'all didn't think a gay guy is fine? I'm sure you've had a crush on one gay person before. And if you haven't trust me. You will. I had a crush on my gay friend in 8th grade. I feel like its a canon even in every girl's life. anyways, I hate when girls will be scared to call nick hot.

"Nick is so fine. But like as a cool guy friend way. Please don't attack me."

POOR GIRL BELIEVES SHE IS GONNA BE ATTACKED IF SHE CALLS A GAY MAN FINE. Sturntok leave her the fuck alone. He's hot as fucking and I will kill civilians if I'm not given more nick edits. He's so fine. Literally the hottest triplet.

If u made it here thanks. There was shit on my chest that I really needed to let out. What have we learned today?

Sturntok can suck my fucking dick.

Thanks goodbye.

Me to Sturntok :

[elliesglock]

OKAY MEGA THOUGHTS FOR TN

(sorry for the rant)

1. i'm so sorry, i know ice helped us a lot last year...but she is not on the same level as these ranked opponents we are facing. isuneh needs to take a breather on the bench and KEEP OUT of my paint

2. i have to say an apology for kk. although she hasn't been playing terrible, tn is the kk ive been waiting to see. CAUSING 4 TURNOVERS??? IN 5 MINS??? kk you are my best husky girl

3. ashlyn meh. don't got much to say about her. she played pretty good, defended alright. not seeing much improvement besides her game against iowa st. but i still believe in my freshie.

4. paige im proud of. i think there's been a few games where she's been very off the ball and not herself, but i can see her STRUGGLING with genos playmaking. she has learned to be passive. and that's okay for now, but she's not going to have very much fun in the W. I DIGRESS. she played very well tonight. solid defense in the beginning AND THEN WTF HAPPENEDDDDD. she literally hit that orange fucking fab in the locker room and then all the sudden she has juju locked down not even able to hit the ball before the shot clock runs out. very proud of her defense AT RHE END. i really hope p locks in and starts DEMANDING the ball every possession.

5. no fucking foul calls at all. as always. paige gets most likely fouled on that last possession no whistle. THE ILLEGAL SCREEN CALL. i literally almost dipped. uconn will never be free from fuck ass refs. how many times are we gonna let them get away w crazy ass fouls and not blow the whistle. insanity to me.

6. our defense as a team looked okay. i think kk locking in and giving us our fast break points helped boost the momentum. kk i will be at your door tn to eyp!

7. morgan cheli. AYE I SEE U. you did good, i'm proud of my baby freshie. need to learn not to foul and if you're going to foul make sure you're playing some tight ass defense at least. not much to say on her but she's free from my wrath tn.

8. none of our bigs besides sarah can handle a basketball so there's that. i thought my girl jana would have it in her. apparently not. STINKER JAIL U GO

9. i'm so happy azzi got to have some mins. wish she would've played more.

10. we need another solid big i'm gonna say it again.

overall opinions:

i think we played decent. we were struggling in the beginning and we did not have any solid performances from our bigs besides sarah always assume this. we MUST work on perimeter defense and how we are gonna be able to minimize turnovers. i think the first step is BOOTING ICE OFF THE FUCKING FLOOR GRANDPA. my biggest problem right now is with geno. he is not coaching adequately and although we are playing as a team finally and we have paige and sarah playing well, dumbass decisions by coaches are gonna be what kills us. and also defense and also lack of offense sometimes. pls don't come in my inbox yelling at me for my geno takes. i've been saying this. he needs to put paige on ball control and have her facilitating shots right down the paint to sarah or have her using her midrange advantage. thank you for joining my ted talk/uconn yap session.

to all a goodnight

(AND ALSO IM PISSED WE ONLY GET TO PLAY IN OUR CONFERENCE FOR ABOUT 80 YEARS THIS IS A DROUGHT)

[moii3]

My Candy Love New Gen Ep.7 Review!

Spoiler Ahead, Obviously

Another day, another short episode. I think off the bat, im dissapointed with how short the episodes are. I really think they need to get it together with the amount of content. It's just not enough and it doesn't help that we have to wait for almost a month every single time for a new ep.

I just had to point this out because since i've been replaying the Eldarya TO, i just started to appriciate how beemov games used to have longer, more filling, structured episodes and stories compared to now. Maybe this is too early for me to say since we are only 7 episodes in. Who knows? Maybe Beemov will actually start to have an enemies to lovers arc between the writers and the new gen game. Anyways..

The ep starts out with Candy complaining to my love Elenda (and soon the whole office) about how difficult it is to live with her annoying mom and sister. Seriously, we see from the flashback that Candy's mother basically insinuates that she didn't think she would have to live with her adult ass daughter in her house. Both Tasha and the Mother(i forget her name) were pretty rude abt it in my opinion. Instead of talking with Candy about house rules they just go on like nothing happened, and make it clear that she is just a guest. Not a part of the household.

Mentioning of TikTok was thrown in one scene for good mesure lmao

As they all hear the story, Devon decides everyone in the office should help Candy look for an apartment. They apperantly don't have anything else to do the whole day.

It almost feels like a little bit Mary Sue-ish. Everyone taking turns wasting their free work hour trying to find Candy an apartment, making it a competition seems comical and unrealistic. (not everything has to be so realistic but it's just ridicilous atp). They are literally racing to find this rich adult woman a place to live...

When it comes to the actual apartment hunting, Thomas's route was a roller coaster 😭. Since apperantly no one rents apartment to stinky stinky singles, LI s jump in to save the day, pretending to be our partners during the apartment showing.

Thomas had both me and the realtor gagged the whole time.

(sorry for the whack screenshots)

I was cringing big time

ma'am please be quiet...

A bit awkward? You're telling me..

Just as we think we are over with this, leaving the apartment, he kisses Candy.

I saw some people saying they didn't like how this kiss came about and i have to agree. He calls it "our little ritiual" , apperantly to convince the realtor. We know that's bullshit and it was kind of an excuse to kiss her. I don't like that Candy is in a cornered position to accept the kiss and it felt kind of unneccesary, no matter how hyped everyone was about it.

Like if this is the dude we will eventually gonna fall in love with& date, it's kind of a bummer that their first kiss had to be "fake". I know they thought of it like a little romantic game Candy had to play to get close to Thomas but i really think even for this it was kinda underwhelming.

I also saw other illustrations from different routes and Roy's has to be my favourite. I wish it was more romantic like that and actually made sense. Anyway..

Anyways, after they leave the house, Thomas gets back to the nonchalant attitude again (obviously) which, gagges Candy again.

Like i said, i don't really like how this kiss happened and i think even for Thomas this was kind of crazy.

If i was the realtor, i would honestly block their numbers and hope that Thomas wouldn't show up at my house to wear my skin the very same night. He deserves some kind of compensation.

I'm gonna keep doing these reviews no matter who reads them, this is for me and my ranting. But i hope you like it! Oh, I also will rate these episodes out of 10.

For my first rating on this series, I'm givinf this episode an underwhelming 5/10

Best part is that this ain't even about the house anymore, even realtor knows he fucked up and they are not gonna choose this house.

Until next time, xx

[motherjoel]

something special (part 2) (joel miller/reader)

part 2 to something special!! i recommend reading that first but tbh it doesn't matter too much

wc: 5.3k

warnings: fluffy and maybe a teensy bit angsty. uhhhh smut? oral f!receiving and pee pee in wee wee

a/n: omg like i wrote part one of this so long ago but I was struck with inspiration and horniness so I made a part 2!!! i hope you guys like this, it was really fun to write lmao BUT PLS don't be mad if its a little ooc and also ignore marias whole backstory cause reader is her sister and they didn't have parents so Jackson wasn't created by their dad idk the logistics just bear with me here.

PART ONE

-

His tongue skated lightly over your neck, his left hand resting firmly on the back of your head and his right on the sliver of bare skin between your t-shirt and pants. The kitchen counter was cold against your back, the granite digging into your spine. You let a soft moan escape your lips as he sucked a particularly sensitive part of your neck, prompting him to move his lips to your own with a growl. His hands migrated to your hips, tapping them to urge you to hop up onto the counter. As you move to slide up, his hands grip your waist and lift you the rest of the way. 

 You briefly break the kiss to situate yourself before diving back in, your core now warm against his stomach. You work to lift his shirt off, him returning the favor. Then, the doorbell rings. He doesn’t acknowledge it, but it doesn’t stop. You both try to ignore it, though it's persistent in its ringing.

You wake with a start, sweat now cooling on the back of your neck that makes you shiver. Your legs clench together in the aftermath of your dream, the telltale signs between your legs indicating what had just happened. You smile to yourself, noting that this is the first time you’ve dreamed in months. You’d much preferred this to the screaming and blood of your nightmares.

The doorbell continues to ring, and after a groan into your pillow, you stand and rub your eyes. You can’t tell if the dizziness you’re feeling is a consequence of the drinks you’d had or the dream you’d had. Either way, you push it aside to open the door.

“Jesus, you look like shit,” Maria chuckles as she pushes herself inside your house, carrying a heavily packed tote bag. 

“Thanks, it's a new look I'm trying,” you turn away from her to head to the kitchen for a glass of water as she makes herself comfortable.

“Well I’m sure Joel would love it,” she smirks, seating herself at the kitchen table. You blush at the thought of the man you’d been dreaming of moments before. 

“God, last night was…” you shake your head, “did I embarrass myself?” you ask with a wince. Maria snorts a laugh.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I think you made… quite the impression. Or at least, that's what Tommy said,” she begins to unpack the bag she brought. Inside is the biggest breakfast sandwich you’ve ever seen and some coffee grounds. You’d told Maria you needed more just yesterday, and her thoughtful ass just had to get you some. You almost rolled your eyes at the level of thoughtfulness.

“Wait… Tommy? Did he talk to Joel? What did Joel say? Does he… what does he think of me? Did I embarrass myself? Oh my god, Maria, he probably thinks i'm crazy,” you rant, waiting for her to interrupt you. She watches, almost too amused to stop you.

“Yes, yes. Tommy talked to Joel... which I’m not happy about, by the way!” she pauses to give you a look, but you groan, urging her to continue. “Okay, okay. He said… he said something about you being ‘special’. Tommy thinks he’s a goner,” Maria scoffs and moves to the old coffee pot you have on the counter to make a fresh pot. 

“Oh… thats… wow,” you can’t quite find the words you’re looking for. You feel like a blushing schoolgirl. 

“Yeah, well…” Maria pauses, both of her hands on the counter as she thinks. She turns back to you. “Just… be careful, yeah?” you furrow your brows at her words.

“What do you mean? I’m a grown adult, I think I can handle myself,” you feel yourself getting frustrated at her words, as if she doesn’t have any confidence in your own abilities.

“I know you can handle yourself. You’re an independant badass, we’re all aware,” she raises her hands in defense as you give her a small smile. “I just mean… It's Joel. Tommy told me some things about him… things he did before he came here, and-” you cut her off.

“Alright, I don’t need to hear this. Maria, seriously, we all did things to survive! I’m definitely not somebody to judge,” you lower your head, flashes of pre-Jackson floating through your head.

“I know, I’m just saying. Be careful, alright?” you nod before grabbing your sandwich and sitting at the table.

“Alright,” you take a bite of the sandwich and let out a moan. “Fuck that’s good. Okay, so what else did Tommy say?”

-

Joel forgot what a hangover felt like. He’d vaguely remembered the head-pounding nausea of his youth, but a memory is nothing like the real thing. The real thing was much, much worse.

As he lies in his bed, thumb and pointer finger pinching the bridge of his nose, he recounts the previous night. He remembers the vitriol spewing from that man's lips and he can't help but mentally thank him for facilitating your encounter. He remembers the bottle of pinot noir, particularly the way it tasted on your tongue. He smiles to himself, the unfamiliar butterflies in his stomach unsettling him as much as exciting him. He needed to see you, and soon. Maybe if he got the courage to leave the house.

Before he can make up his mind, his doorbell rings. With a groan, he stands from his bed. Damn knees. After taking a moment to steady himself, he makes his way down the stairs. He glances at his coffee pot, noting the lack of coffee grounds. He softly curses to himself, realizing he’ll have to figure out how to get some. Tommy had given him a tour of the town when he first arrived to officially settle in, but he’s realizing just how little he’d absorbed. 

Pulling himself from his thoughts, he swings open his door to see you. You, with your shy smile and your bright eyes. You wear a loose-fitting flannel, and jealousy tugs at his gut as he thinks about who’s flannel that could be. Butterflies soon replace the jealousy as he imagines that it’s his own. His own, meaning he could probably take it off himself. You open your mouth to speak, cutting him off from his thoughts.

“Here,” you stretch out your arm. Joel notices, for the first time, a mug of black coffee in your hand. His mouth opens a bit as he gasps softly, hoping that you didn't hear. “It’s a bitch trying to get coffee grounds around here, but I figured I’d share my stash,” you shrugged, still holding the mug out with an awkward smile. He reaches for it, your fingers grazing as he grabs the warm mug.

“Thanks,” he replies shortly, taking a small sip and rolling his eyes back into his head. “Jesus, that's good,” he chuckles softly before taking another sip.

You watch him drink, his throat bobbing as he sips. His lips glisten with the coffee, and it takes all of your willpower not to taste them yourself. You look down to the white t-shirt he’s wearing, tufts of hair poking out of the top. His flannel pajama pants make you giggle- he looks like someone's father. Someone's sexy father.

“Something funny?” he raises his eyebrow before taking another sip, savoring the bitterness he’d missed so dearly.

“No, nothing it's just… you look cute when you wake up,” you blush, eyeing the way his hand rests on his hip. His shirt rides up under his hand, the small sliver of skin like a car crash you can’t stop looking at.

“Cute? I look… cute?” Joel raises his eyebrows more, if even possible. He can’t recall a woman ever calling him cute. Certainly not a woman he was… interested in. 

“You know what I mean,” you nudge his arm before pulling your hand back, crossing your arms so as not to touch him more than you already had. Joel didn’t really know what you mean.

“Well, you do, too. Look cute, I mean,” he scratches the back of his neck, studying the freckles on your face. The way they move when you talk and smile. You’re gorgeous and it makes Joel realize just how out of his element he is. He feels himself grow cold, ice freezing over the warm puddle you turned his heart into. “I have to, uh,” he points his thumb inside, desperately thinking of an excuse to get away from you so he could calm the beating of his heart. He fails to think of one.

“Oh,” your face falls a bit but you quickly plaster a smile on your face. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around,” you turn on your heel, the warmth of embarrassment creeping up your neck and onto your cheeks. 

Jesus, what were you thinking? This man has a daughter and at least 10 years on you. Those things didn’t matter to you whatsoever, especially now, but they probably mattered to him, right? You shake your head as you approach the stables, ready for a day of work. As much as you love human interaction, you really loved working with the horses. They obviously can’t judge you, so you tell them all of your problems as a way of working things out. 

You approached Jessa, a filly born about a year ago. She was completely brown except for a few white spots on her head and around her ankles. You call them her boots. 

“What am I gonna do here, Jess?” you frown, opening her stall and taking a seat on a milk crate next to her. She whinnies softly. “I know, I know, I’m crazy, right?” Jessa huffs. “We were drunk, Jess. It was a mistake, I guess,” you stand, pet her head, and leave her to see Joel standing awkwardly at the front of the stables. Your heart drops at the possibility of him overhearing you. He fidgets before speaking up. 

“I’m supposed to meet Tommy,” he murmurs, looking anywhere but you.

“Oh. What for?” you ask, noting the accidental edge in your own voice. Joel's eyebrows pinch together at your tone.

“Uh, patrol. Training,” he clears his throat. “About, um, earlier,” he starts, taking a small step closer to you. Before he continues, Tommy enters. 

“Well, hello there, lovebirds,” Tommy strides through the stables confidently, a stark contrast to his brother. He ruffles the hair on your head and you swat his hand away, rolling your eyes at his brotherly nature. You choose to ignore his nickname for the two of you, opting to help them get their horses for patrol.

“So, you trainin’ him?” you ask, reaching to grab the saddles from the wall. Joel doesn’t miss the way your shirt rides up. 

“Yeah, gettin’ the old man ready to start pulling some weight around here,” he smirks when Joel visibly rolls his eyes. 

“Ah, well, good luck out there,” you smile and hand Tommy the reins, ignoring Joel completely. Tommy raises an eyebrow but chooses to stay silent, thanking you and leading Joel to the gates.

-

Joel was never a smooth man. Even in his prime, he didn’t date much. It's not like he had much of a prime, what with having Sarah so young. He wouldn’t have traded her for the world, but it's a simple fact. Joel was out of his element. He’s kicking himself from the second you walk away. How did he fuck up so badly?

As he shuts the door, he turns to see Ellie at the kitchen table, watching his every move.

“When the hell’d you get here?” he starts, eyeing down Ellie who is currently staring him down with wide eyes.

“Like 20 minutes ago, you walked right past me,” she shrugged and took a bite of the granola bar in front of her. She speaks before swallowing “the fuck was that, by the way?” she questions. Joel grimaces.

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth. S’impolite,” he walks past her to sit on his couch, mug of coffee in his hands. He studies the mug, ceramic and plain for the most part, aside from the brown owl on the front. He wonders if he’s going to give it back to you. 

“That was Maria’s sister, right? The one from last night?” she smirks at the shock on his face.

“How the hell’d you-” he starts before she cuts him off.

“Come on Joel. First of all, the front porch? Not exactly a private venue,” she starts, shoving more of the granola into her mouth. Joel groans in annoyance. “Second, my friend Dina told me she saw you guys at the Tipsy Bison. She said there was totally some chemistry,” she laughs.

“Friend? Who is she? Can I meet ‘er?” Joel perks up at her words, excited that she has a friend, but also trying to get out of the conversation they’re having.

“Yeah, she's really cool. I met her at movie night, she- wait, no you're not getting out of this!” She stands from the table to join him on the couch.

“There is no ‘this’. I’m pretty sure she wants nothing to do with me now,” Joel traces his fingers over the grooves in his mug. Your mug. Ellie rolls her eyes.

“What do you mean? Y’all were totally getting it on,” she laughs, as he shoves the side of her arm, trying to hide his smirk.

“Y’all? What’re you, a cowboy?” he huffs a laugh. 

“Learned from the best,” she gives him a cheeky grin. “I think… maybe you should talk to her. Adults are so dumb, like, half of the world's problems could be solved by just talking to each other,” she furrows her brows for a moment. “Well, except for the whole ‘infected’ thing. That’d probably take a bit more.” Joel can’t help but laugh at her train of thought. 

“Maybe I will,” Joel pats her knee and stands up, setting the mug in the sink. He’d probably give it to Maria to return to you. 

He didn’t plan on trying to talk to you again. He’d just screw it up, he thought. Images of you were scattered throughout his mind all morning, and he was kicking himself for his lack of social skills. Before he could kick himself anymore, he saw you. He’d had no idea you ran the stables. If he’d known, maybe he could have prepared himself. Maybe think of a few words to say. Instead, he was his usual, awkward self. 

The patrol goes how he’d expected it to. Tommy notices he’s quieter than usual, which is saying a lot. The route they took was empty except for a small group of runners that they took out with ease. Joel just wants to be in his bed, asleep. He doesn’t want to have to think. He’s afraid he won't be able to get back as soon as he’d hoped, Tommy leaving him alone at the stables to return the horses. Tommy had said something about ‘getting home to the old ball and chain’ that made Joel roll his eyes, but he relented nevertheless. 

His heart pinches in worry when he doesn’t immediately see you. He figures it's for the best- the horses are already in their stalls, and maybe he can just sneak out without checking in with you. He’s about to do just that when he hears raised voices coming from your small office. He quietly walks closer to the door, trying to listen in.

“I told you, I’m sorry!” he hears a male voice echo under the door, and it’s familiar. He wracks his brain to figure out who it was.

“Justin, I told you it’s fine! I don’t care! I’m sorry, but I’m not interested anyway,” he hears your voice now, smooth as silk. His heart skips a beat.

“You’re only saying that because you don’t know me, baby,” he feels disgust at the male voice now, recognizing it as the man from last night. He fights every urge inside of him to not burst inside that room right now. 

“Hey, get off me!” he hears you yell. His fight to suppress his urges is completely gone as he hears you in distress, slamming the door open to the sight of you pinned against your desk, this ‘Justin’ guy grabbing your wrist with a bruising pressure.

“The hells goin on here?” Joel asks, chest heaving.

“None of your business, old man. We were just… talking, right?” Justin smirks to you. Joel notices the fear in your eyes and his heart cracks a bit.

“Um… right, yeah. It’s fine, Joel,” you say, unconvincingly. You widen your eyes to urge him to leave. As if he ever would. 

“How bout we all go home, yeah?” Joel asks, taking a step closer. Justin takes this as a threat, releasing you to turn to face Joel.

“And what if we don’t want to, huh?” Justin crosses his arms. Joel looks down at him, grateful for the 2 or 3 inches he has on him.

“Oh, I think you want to,” Joel says sternly. Justin takes this as an opportunity to push his shoulders, slamming him into the wall behind him. Joel is taken off guard, but he can’t help but chuckle. “You didn’t want to do that, kid.”

“Seriously, man? All this for some bitch who doesn’t even put out?” Justin smirks as if he’d won the argument. Without skipping a beat, Joel's fist is in his face, knocking him to the ground. You yelp, jumping out of the way.

“Fuck, dude!” Justin yells from the ground grabbing his bleeding and possibly broken nose. Joel shakes his hand, stretching his fingers. His knuckles fucking hurt, but its hard to focus on that when he sees the way you’re looking at him.

“Get the fuck out,” you robotically say to Justin.

“But- h-he-” he tries to speak.

“I said get the fuck out!” you raise your voice, pulling him off of his feet and pushing him out the door. Joel watches him like a hawk as he leaves, ready to punch him a million more times if he needed to. The two of you stand in silence for a few moments  before you decide to speak up.

“How was patrol?” you ask, fidgeting with your hands. He huffs a laugh, taking you by surprise. “What?” you smile slightly.

“Nothing, it's just… after everything that just happened, you’re asking me about patrol?” he looks into your eyes, noticing the heat in them. He’s sure he has the same look in his own.

“Are you… okay?” you ask, ignoring his question. 

“You’re asking me if I’m okay?” he asks, incredulous. You nod, with an mmhmm. You bite your lip and Joel isn’t sure if it's the adrenaline or if he finally grew some balls, but he surges forward and in a single step, he has your face cradled in his hands. 

“I-is this… okay?” he whispers against your lips, feeling your hot breath on his own. You nod before reaching up to clutch his flannel in your hands, pulling his lips to your own. Joel unwittingly moans into the kiss. He fucking moans. He’s almost mortified. Almost. When you moan in response, he’s only urged on further, slowly walking you backwards until your ass is pressed against the desk. He taps the side of your hip, motioning for you to hop up. You separate for all of 3 seconds, settling  on the desk, when his lips are back on yours. 

You whine into his mouth, spurring him further. He fiddles with the bottom of your flannel, itching to rip it off but maintaining some restraint. Before he can think too deeply, you reach out to the bottom button of his own flannel. 

“S’this- this ok-kay?” you ask between breaths. 

“More’n okay, darling,” he smiles softly, leaning down to kiss your neck while you work on the buttons. You giggle at the sensation. “What?” Joel asks with a small smile.

“It’s hard to… focus… when… ahhh,” Joel reattaches his lips to your neck with a smile. He feels like a teenager again, kissing his crush in secret. It’s thrilling to him, really.

You’ve never been more turned on in your entire life. You thought that dream had made you insanely wet, but Jesus, this was something else. You do finally manage to get his shirt off, leaving him in a white t-shirt. He continues to fiddle with your shirt, causing you to pull back for a moment. He furrows his eyebrows, wondering if he did something wrong. You whip your shirt over your head, leaving you in only your plain black bra. You wish you’d worn something lacy and pretty, but considering there wasn't a Victoria’s Secret nearby, you weren’t that upset. 

It’s been a very long time for Joel. Though he was out of practice, he was pretty sure he remembered what to do. He certainly didn’t have a hard time showing how much he wanted you, his erection painfully strained against his pants. Women liked that, right? But, you weren’t just any woman. You were… something else. At the sight of you in just your bra and jeans, Joel knew he was done for. And your smile, that damned smile… it felt like worship in a world without faith. 

You wanted more, so you took it. Reaching to the hem of his white t-shirt, you lifted to pull his shirt off so that you’re skin to skin. The first thing you notice is how fucking warm he was. The next thing you noticed was his scar-riddled chest. You trace them softly with your fingers, the raised skin smooth against you. He looks down at you, his eyes softening as you observe his body. 

“You’re beautiful,” you whisper, looking up to meet his eyes. He laughs softly.

“You’re one to talk,” he says before taking your lips against his again. He feels spurred on by your words and actions- he now has no doubt now that you want this as badly as him. 

“Take my pants off, Joel,” you smirk, unbuttoning them yourself to give him a head start. He laughs before pulling them down the rest of the way leaving you in your underwear and bra. He reaches his hand forward, mouth slack as he presses his hand against your core, palming you over your underwear.

“Mmmmmfuck,” you moan, head bobbing onto his shoulder.

“This alright?” he asks, restraining a moan at the dampness of your underwear.

“Please, keep going,” you grind into the palm of his hand.

Without hesitation, he traces his hand up your mound, purposely putting pressure on your clit, before reaching the hem of your underwear and sliding his fingers under, finally feeling you. He moans at the wetness collected between your legs, amazed at how turned on you are from him. He collects that wetness and brings it up to your clit where he rubs in painfully slow circles. You buck your hips into his hand, and he chuckles- its low and gravelly, his own arousal preventing him from putting on a steel front. 

“Fuck, darlin’ you’re so wet,” he whispers into your ear. You can barely hear him, your own heartbeat thrumming in your ears. As you’re about to speak, he slowly slips a finger inside you. You let out a loud moan, biting your lip to stifle the noise.

“S’okay baby, make some noise for me,” his movements maintain their place as he drops to his knees. You stiffen.

“J-Joel, what’re you doing?” you pull at his hair so he looks up at you. It gives him goosebumps. 

“What’s it look like I'm doin’, sweetheart? Need’ta taste ya,” he licks his lips as he looks at your core, knowing he’d never see anything as beautiful as this again in his life. You freeze at his words.

“Oh, you don't have to…” you look away from him shyly. He stands at this, hand still moving between your legs.

“Oh, I want to. Please, baby, I want to,” he says to you, pleads almost. Guys had never asked to go down on you before, and you’d never pushed for it. It was nerve wracking- you considered telling Joel this. But the look on his face was enough- you can’t help but relent. 

“Mmhm, okay,” you nod and he smiles, sinking to his knees again. 

He doesn’t even notice the way his knees creak or how uncomfortable the hardwood floor is on them. He just needs to taste you. The moment his mouth is on you, he moans. The vibrations cause a jolt of lightning up your spine. 

“Fuck, s’good,” he says against your thigh before kissing it and diving back in. This time he lifts one of his hands to slip a finger inside, the sensation causing you to lift your legs to rest on his shoulders. You hoped you weren’t squeezing too hard, but the thought was fleeting as his free arm shot up to wrap around your thigh and pull you closer.

The familiar sensation of your core tightening and your vision blurring hit you like a truck. No man had ever made you come before, and certainly not within less than 10 minutes of seeing each other. The orgasm swells to a peak, your thighs clenching on either side of Joel’s head as he moans into you. The aftershocks hit almost as hard as the initial shock, and you don’t realize it's over until the overstimulation of Joel sets in. He was still going absolutely crazy, drinking you in like his life depended on it.

“Ah, fuck,” you hiss at the oversensitivity and he immediately pulls away to ask if you’re okay. “I’m fine,” you laugh. “I’m perfect, actually. Jesus Christ,” you laugh again as he stands, pulling you to the edge of the desk so your clothed core is pressed against his jeans, leaving a dark spot over his crotch. “I’ve never… done that,” you confess shyly.

“Done what?” he asks, cocking his head.

“Been eaten out. And also, I guess, have a man give me an orgasm,” you giggle, mind loose. His expression hardens.

“Wait… what?” he looks at you, concern in your eyes.

“I mean, no guy has ever wanted to before. It’s no big deal,” you shrug, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Baby, it is a big deal. Because how any man could deny that… there has to be something wrong with him. A big deal of something wrong with him,” Joel laughs with you, pressing his forehead to yours.

“Can you please fuck me, Joel?” you ask with a cock of your head and a pout on your lips. Joel almost trips in trying to take his pants off and you can't help but giggle.

“Oh, you won't be laughing soon, darlin’” he chuckles before pulling his cock out from his underwear. It’s huge, obviously, because why wouldn’t it be. It’s the biggest you’d ever seen, and you can't help but lift your hand up to grab it, stroking it to the tufts of hair at the base. “Won’t be lastin’ too long if you keep that up,” Joel grimaces with a hiss. You smirk as you grab him and lead him to your entrance, pressing the tip to you.

“Start slow, okay?” you ask, worry filling your gut. It had been awhile, and with a man as well endowed as Joel, you couldn’t help but have some worries. 

“I promise,” he chuckles before pushing it in, just the tip. The two of you gasp in harmony, your arms shooting to wrap around his shoulders. “Y’okay?” he asks, bringing his hand up to your cheek. 

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, “keep going, please.”

“Okay, baby, I gotcha,” he pushes himself further, and before you know it, you can feel his tufts of hair against you as he bottoms out. He’s breathing heavy and ragged as you lean up to capture him in a kiss. He tries his best not to move, to let you adjust, but his restraint is like a rubber band about to snap. Before it does, he feels you move closer to him, urging him to start moving. He doesn’t need to be told twice.

He begins slowly, moving his hips back and forth. You squeeze him perfectly, your wetness allowing him to move with ease. His hands moved to your hips, then your breasts, your face- he was all over you. It took everything in you to keep your eyes open, but the eye contact he was making was worth it. When he wasn’t kissing parts of you, he was watching you. Whether it was your eyes, your lips, or your breasts, he was watching you. He only closed his eyes when he blinked. You were used to guys digging their faces into your shoulder and finishing in 30 seconds. Everything about Joel was… so much more.

He flattens his palm on your stomach above your mound, feeling himself inside of you. Slowly, he moves his hand up your chest to squeeze your nipple. You unexpectedly gasp and arch your back, urging him to continue. His other hand snakes from your waist to your clit as he begins to rub in circles.

“Need’ya to finish with me, darlin’” he whispers in your ear.

“O-okay. M’close,” you manage to squeak out, his hands doing so much to you. 

“F-fuck,” Joel lets out a groan as he tries to maintain his pace to get you off. The second he feels you clenching around him, however, he speeds up. As he’s about to come, he quickly pulls out and spills onto your stomach, chest heaving as he leans over you. He wishes he’d had a camera to capture the view in front of him right now

You’re breathless and sweaty beneath him when you come to. His length lay on your stomach, twitching as he came down. The two of you remain this way for what feels like an eternity before he stands up fully, grabbing a box of tissues from your desk and proceeding to clean you up.

He reaches his hand out to you and you take it, hopping off of the desk. Grabbing the discarded clothes from the floor, he motions for you to lift your arms over your head so he can slide your flannel over you. Only it's not your flannel, but his. He doesn’t comment on this as he puts your flannel on himself, the usually oversized fit you’re used to fitting him perfectly

You reach up to fiddle with his hair, the curls messy atop his head. His lips part but he stays silent, watching you bite your lip in focus.

“There,” you smile. “Better.” 

Joel isn't sure what to do with his hands now, the soft ticking of a clock on your wall filling the noise. He feels heat creep up the back of his neck when he recounts what you’d just done. In public.

“Coffee?” you ask, playing with the hem of your new shirt.

“Hm?” he snaps his head to you, daze broken. 

“I said ‘coffee’? Like, the drink?” you giggle.

“What about coffee?” he asks. He knows you’re probably inviting him over, but he just wants to hear you talk.��

“Ugh, just come home with me, Miller,” you laugh and grab his hand, leading him out of the stables. 

He follows you to your house, your hands intertwined the whole walk. Neither of you acknowledge this as your conversation flows as easily as if you’d known each other for years. He stays at your house for hours, enjoying his coffee almost as much as he’s enjoying you. You both realize around the same time just how enamored you were with each other. Though neither of you are sure how to feel, Joel knows now that he can’t lose you. Ever.

[manchesterau]

im gonna try not to spam yall all day about this but here is like the spoiler-ish review

right off the bat i have to say this, the loudest screams were for sister daniel hands down we were loud the whole show but when she came out it was CRAZY like it was so fucking loud and she is EVERYTHINGGG like actually everything and oh my god i swear that nun costume doesn’t cover ANYTHING i saw full cheeks jiggling and my mom was afterwards was like you can tell sister daniel is his like slutty alter ego and i scream and i told her he was wearing pants under because she didnt think he was bc the nude underwear wasnt doing SHIT like just full ass jiggling on stage

ok sister daniel rant over

wanna highlight that phil did so well there was like one part where he stumbled over his words i think during the doll part but other than that he fucking ATEEE and during the boxing part we cheered loud for phil and he was so smiley and his monologue was so good like i just wanted to hug him and during the dance part he did so good and he’s so FUNNYYYY like ahhh phil lester is just…yeah dude like i get why dan’s obsessed im obsessed i had to stop staring but i couldnt!!!

and daniel…dan was made to be onstage like im not even joking he needs to do more stage work and you can tell he LOVES that shit and whenever we would laugh at his jokes or clap or scream he THRIVED off it during no model or role model we voted to kill fake dan and my god my section was so unhinged we were yelling cunt and cum and orgasm which got on the screen it was so funny but man i could not take my eyes off him and he’s so bendy and the way he would move around the stage like it came second nature to him and he kept looking at phil and phil kept looking at him and yeah dude 😭😭 dan howell you were meant for the stage bby

and can i just say…the song fucking EATS like oh my god it’s actually so fucking good like i was not expecting that at allllll

all and all i had the time of my fucking life and they mean so fucking much to me and while i didnt get to tell them that i screamed as loud as i could and clapped as hard as i could and i could feel that they need is just as much as we need them the love is mutual 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾