#i need the meth jesse

[akabendyfan]

jesse we need to cook

[tender-hearteddd]

i just started breaking bad and i love walt and his dynamic with his family compared to his dynamic with jesse (esp in the tuco episode) but from my very brief scroll through breaking bad tumblr i have a feeling this will change………………….

[slavhew]

breaking badifies them. happy pride motng

au elaboration under cut

this is just copypasted from twt i forgot to post yetsterday

I imagine that the Dirkjake dynamic would be down on his luck partyboy and the estranged high school friend that coerced him into a drug dealing operation. For reasons he refuses to elaborate on. Jake doesn't really want to be cooking meth but he needs the cash and sees Dirk as the one stable thing in his life really. Dirk really needs a partner and an in to the business and is most of the brains behind the operation.

Dirk is also doing a fair bit of posturing to keep them both safe but Jake... hooo Jake. Dear whining Jake will become a loose cannon when it counts. The power balance would fluctuate alluringly.

To be honest I imagine their dynamic would be much closer to a hypothetical high school au turned drug-dealing and wouldn't be much like Walter and Jesse. Wanna think there would be a happy ending but realistically they'd sink into their worst traits & probably end up in a saw trap by the end of it. I wanna imagine most plot beats still happen... gf dies... "gale" dies... Codependent yaoi and corruption arc flourishes.

I imagine Dirk's wardrobe would start to resemble more and more of Bro's and some of his personality might too. But I also don't think he'd go as far or be as bad as Walter, since here there's a care and concern for Jake as more than a pawn and stand-in (aka the Walter special). Damage would still be done though. The love didn't save anyone etc etc.

Bro and Grandpa would have a dynamic MUCH closer to the s1/2 duo. Devil-may-care stoner and the guy who needs cash FAST and doesn't have time for this shit. I dont think Bro has the tender heart Jesse but he definitely develops some terrible loyalty complex regardless. Honestly have a LOT less idea how their story would go so I'm all ears

[xxradzxx]

LOSERS! SHAKING HANDS!!!

I need Adam and Jesse to shake hands and call it a day.

[justauthoring]

just hold me.

it's hard to find out the truth, but despite it; you still just want jesse.

a/n: no one will probably read this but i love jesse <3

pairing: jesse pinkman x f!white!reader

tw. for attempted sexual assault. also, you're walter white's daughter but no description of the reader is given.

Truthfully, you’re not even sure what you’re doing here.

But the tears pouring down your cheeks won’t stop, and your feet don’t stop moving beneath you. You’re just walking with no real destination. Your hands are shaking and everything hurts but you don’t want to go home to your apartment; it’s too silent. Going to your parents wasn’t an option either because then you’d just be riddled with questions. You thought about going to your uncles, but he’d be just as overbearing in a completely different way

And you certainly couldn’t go to Jesse’s.

He was the whole reason you were out here in the first place and you weren’t ready to face him.

Not yet.

You’re not sure if you ever would be.

“Oh, God…”

You take a sharp turn, not fully aware of where you’re even going. It’s late and dark and you don’t even really know what part of town you’re in, just that it’s far away enough that no one you know will stumble upon you–exactly what you want. You don’t want anyone to see you, not like this, and you can barely form a coherent thought in your own head so trying to explain your state would surely be nothing but bad.

No, it was best to be alone.

Try to sort out your thoughts.

Because what even were your thoughts?

It was one thing to find out your boyfriend was a drug dealer, but another to find out it wasn’t just the small things; which sure, were just as unsafe but still… not–not crystal meth and certainly not things as big ties to the cartel. You weren’t stupid and it wasn’t like you didn’t know who Jesse was. You’d gone to high school with him, and you knew the sort of people he hung around and the things he’d done… no. You weren’t stupid.

You’d known. Had a suspicion, even if you’d never asked. Because honestly, it didn’t really matter to you all that much. He was careful to keep it separate from you and he wasn’t like that with you. He’d never once tried to force you to try something or get you involved. There was a clear line he’d drawn and he refused to let it blur and you were okay with that, even if you shouldn’t, for the simple and plain fact that you loved him.

But the cartel was different. That was bigger, even if you didn’t understand the whole scope. That was a whole new scope of danger that didn’t settle right with you.

That you couldn’t just ignore. Couldn’t just turn the other way because of your feelings.

And to top it all off, he was doing it with your own father.

Cooking and selling meth with Walter White.

Your father.

You’re not thinking straight. You surely can’t be.

Because… because there was no way. There just couldn’t be.

But you remember everything that’s happened the past few months with him, starting when he’d been diagnosed with cancer all the way to the way him and your mother had been acting with each other. 

Everything had been off. You didn’t need to still be living in the house to see that.

Skyler wouldn’t tell you, even when you pressed her on it but you knew she knew something. And now you had no doubt in your mind–she knew that your father was cooking and selling meth and…

“What the hell,” you huff, shaking your head in disbelief of the whole thing. It was crazy, plain and simple and it was entirely, without a doubt, true.

You realize somewhere along the way you’d stopped, found yourself in some sort of alley and had pressed yourself up against the wall to give yourself a minute. You’d been so upset and out of your mind that when you left Jesse’s you hadn’t grabbed a coat; you’d barely given yourself time to put on your shoes. He was coming towards you, trying to explain things, but you couldn’t handle listening to his explanation and had slammed the door shut in his face before he could reach you. 

You’d heard him screaming for you but you’d gotten in your car before he could reach you and drove off, wound up in some bar to drink the thoughts away and now you’d gotten lost on your way back to your car.

And found yourself in an alley, all alone.

Pressing your palms to your cheeks, you let out a shaky breath.

What were you supposed to do now?

You let your head fall into the palms of your hands, trying to push the heavy thoughts from your mind without much luck. It isn’t until you felt a hand fall on your arm did you look up, a gasp leaving your lips as your eyes settle on a man, a few years older than you, leering down at you with a small smile.

Your lips part but no words leave your lips.

“Hey there, little lady, you okay?”

His voice is gravelly, eyes sunken despite not being that old. His skin looks pale from what you can tell in the dark and somewhat sickly, but despite that, his eyes are set firmly on your own, and that smile never wavers.

“Uh, y-yeah,” you stammer, remembering yourself. There’s a tightening to your chest as you feel his grip tighten on you the second you move and you’re pressing your hands against the wall behind you to try to push yourself up. “S-Sorry. Long night.”

“Looks like it,” he laughs but it isn’t pleasant at all. “You look like you’ve been cryin’.”

Raising your hand, you wipe at your cheeks, pulling back only to see your smudged and ruined mascara. “Oh,” you laugh lightly, forced, glancing to your right which leads back to the street; you hadn’t realized how far you’d crawled into the alley and just how sketchy everything around you looks. 

“Yeah,” you nod at him, shuffling to the right. “Th-thanks for checking on me, but I should get going.”

“Now, hold on.”

Your chest tightens, letting out a small cry as his grip turns bruising around your arm and he gives a small tug. You’re still not sober enough, wobbly on your own feet as you stumble towards him, the movement surprising you. His free hand catches you by the waist and you tense.

“It’s too late for a lady like yourself to walk home all on her own,” he moves to explain, still with that ever unnerving smile. “Why don’t you come with me?”

“No, no, really–” you argue, pressing a hand against his chest as you try to pull your arm away. He just squeezes tighter, enough to pull an actual cry from your lips as your eyes widen, the panic doubling as your heart pounds against your chest. “Please. You’re hurting me!”

“Shh,” he says, leaning in to press his face into the crook of your neck, the hand at your waist slipping beneath the hem of your shirt. “It’ll feel good. I promise.”

You try to push against his chest again but he just digs his nails into your arm and then he’s shifting, slamming your back against the wall you’d been leaning against a few minutes ago. The panic seizes you completely, your inebriated mind trying to get your limbs to work enough to shove him off but your body isn’t working the way you want and your vision is blurred. His grip is tight, shifting to press your hands together above your head and using the other to grab at your shirt, pulling it up.

“Stop,” you cry, “no! Stop!”

But he doesn’t listen. And no one else does if there even is someone else in the alley with you.

You’re completely alone.

His lips ghost across your neck and you feel like you’re going to be sick, the brick of the building biting into your skin and his nails digging into your wrist, harsh enough to draw blood. He’s raised your shirt enough to reveal your bra and his hands are working fast to unclasp the back, giving a tight squeeze before his fingers drift across the expanse of your stomach and around to the back.

You’re crying, you realize. Somewhere along the way the tears had started, pouring profusely down your cheeks, sobs wrenching from your lips as you’re defiled. The weight of him against you is suffocating and you can’t breathe properly. 

You feel your bra loosen around your chest and you cry, trying to fight his grip on your hands with a new struggle, before suddenly the weight disappears off of you. You see a blur rush past you but you barely pay mind, your legs giving out beneath you as you sink to the ground, knees coming to your chest as you let out a cry.

None of your body listens to you and you can’t move even as you hear a cry and a familiar voice yelling. There’s a loud thud, followed by a repeated lighter thud, and you try to force yourself to move, push your body, and a small cry leaves your lips as you do and suddenly there’s a body in front of you.

At first you’re worried it’s the man but there’s a familiar voice calling for your name and then you recognize the blue eyes staring back at you.

Oh.

“Jesse…”

His name leaves your lips in a broken whisper and his face twists, a curse leaving his lips as he gently grabs you by the waist, pulling you towards him. “It’s okay,” he breathes, voice soft, gentle and it’s soothing in a way you can’t right describe. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

He’s wrapping something warm around you and you realize how cold you are in that moment, relishing in the warmth that envelopes you as you grab onto him. “Jesse,” you cry, this time your voice stronger but in a way that’s heartbreaking as your voice pitches and cracks. “Jesses, he… I couldn’t…”

“I know,” he huffs and he sounds mad. Is he mad at you? “I… it’s okay. He can’t hurt you, okay? Let me take you home, okay? Let’s go home.”

You grip onto him tightly, scared he’ll disappear from your own hands. “Yours,” you whisper, “i wanna go… to yours.”

He nods, even if you don’t properly process it and then his right arm is wounding around your waist, pulling against him as he slips his right arm under your knees. He holds tight but in a way that isn’t anything like the man before and it makes you feel entirely different too.

Safe.

It makes you feel safe.

Enough that finally, your eyes fall shut

-  

When you open your eyes next, you’re in a bed.

And your mind is a lot more clear.

You blink, recognizing the ceiling, and then you’re pushing yourself up. You realize that you’re in one of Jesse’s shirts and a pair of your leggings, meaning he must’ve changed you when he brought you here. You’re thankful for that, and as you prop yourself upwards, you notice the bruises lining your wrists and the one on your arm and frown, touching it faintly, hissing at the pain that radiates as a response.

Then, a pair of footsteps pull your attention towards the door.

Jesse’s eyes widen when he sees you awake and he’s rushing forward, setting the cup of water on the table next to the bed as an afterthought. He falls on the edge of the bed and he moves to reach for you, before suddenly halting, his eyes widening and moves to pull back.

You grab for him before he can, hand falling on his and squeezing as his eyes snap up to yours.

“Thank you,” you whisper, quiet. “For saving me.”

“Fuck,” Jesse curses, face twisting. “I went looking for you everywhere… I couldn’t find you and then I found your fucking car but you weren’t anywhere near it. It wasn’t until I heard you crying that I found you and the sight of that… that man on you–like that, I just—fuck… I could've killed him.”

Letting go of his hand, you wrap your arms around yourself.

“I went to a bar after… after I left and drank too much,” you explain, eyes downcast. “I wasn’t thinking straight and I ended up in that alley and he just… that man just–” You can’t finish your words.

Jesse and you are quiet for a moment.

Then, Jesse shifts. “Listen… um… I understand if you, well—don’t want to see me anymore. I can bring you home and then go find your car for you. It’s no problem. I just…” He hesitates, scratching at his head as he avoids your gaze. “I just—I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that, especially with Mr. White too or–or for you to get hurt like you did… I should’ve–that never should’ve happened.”

“Jesse,” you whisper, shaking your head. “What happened wasn’t your fault.”

He frowns, brows furrowing and he just huffs; “yes, it was…”

It wasn’t. You want to argue but you know he won’t listen.

So you move on.

“I do want to see you still.”

Blinking, Jesse’s eyes snap to yours.

“I know I shouldn’t,” you explain, letting your hands fall into your lap. “I know I should be… be angry or at least scared… but I’m not. I was, in the moment. But I’m not scared of you, I could never be. And I’m not angry or upset either. I just… I just want you.”

You turn to look at Jesse, begging with your eyes and he turns to look at you, hesitating–like he knows this is wrong.

So, so very wrong.

But you just look at him, pleading and he caves even if he shouldn’t. Because he just wanted you too.

So much.

So he caves and he reaches for you, arms grabbing you as he pulls you towards him, into his lap and against his chest and holds you as you cry and cling onto him.

And he never lets go.

[seraphtrevs]

Been rewatching some Jesse scenes since I’m gearing up to write again (sequel to Sweet Tooth – wooo), and I particularly wanted to look at his relationship with his parents since I’ve given Jesse a son. And like, after watching those scenes again—I really don’t think Jesse’s parents were abusive. Since I was writing notes up, I thought I might share them (under the cut because it's 2000 words 😭)

Here's what happens in 1x04: Jesse smokes so much meth he starts having paranoid delusions that people are coming to kill him. He shows up at his parents’ house—I’m guessing he went there because being with his parents made him feel safe. He doesn’t knock on the door, though—he crashes into their backyard while his parents and brother are eating dinner. He’s still very obviously high.

His parents let him in to sleep it off. It’s likely been years since he’s lived there, but they’ve kept his bedroom for him. There are pictures that he drew as a child framed on the wall, as well as pictures of himself as a child.

Meanwhile, his parents wonder what kind of drugs he’s on. His mom wants to check him for needle marks. His dad wonders if they should let him stay, and his mom mentions a church that has meetings for people struggling with addiction, and that if he agrees to go then maybe he can stay (although Jesse has a house to live in. There’s no reason for him to stay, but his parents probably see his sudden appearance as maybe a cry for help). Jesse’s mom mentions she’s not sure what to tell Jake about the sudden reappearance of his older brother, which suggests Jesse drifts in and out of their lives, which is probably hurtful and confusing for a child.

Jesse appears and asks when dinner will be served. His mom asks him if he slept well and offers to do his laundry, which he declines. His dad waits for Jesse to leave before saying to his wife “we are not doing this again,” suggesting that there have been multiple times in the past that Jesse has shown up like this and it’s never turned out well. His mom protests, but Dad is firm—they’ve got to lay down the law and be consistent.

Except they don’t. They find Jesse setting the table, and they clearly don’t have the heart to make any demands. Why? Well—I think the obvious answer is that seeing their son home, setting the table like he did as a little boy, tugs at their heartstrings. Which is the reason Jesse is doing it.

So like—so far, his parents have been very kind and understanding to him. They didn’t berate him about showing up to their house high, they gave him a place to sleep it off, his mother politely asked him if he slept well, offered to do his laundry, and welcomed him for dinner.

Cut to Jesse hanging out with his brother in his room. He admires Jake’s many awards and suggests they hang out more often. Jake doesn’t seem very interested in this and actually seems pretty uncomfortable with Jesse being there. Mom checks in on them, asking how they’re doing in an overly bright tone, and leaves the door open. I think if Jesse’s mom was abusive, she would have said something nasty to him and ordered the door be left open, but she didn’t. Why? Probably because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, while still signaling to Jake that she’s available if he needs her.  

Jesse is VERY offended by this and sneers that she probably thinks he's a criminal (he is, though) and that she doesn’t want him to corrupt their favorite son. Jake scoffs at this and says that Jesse is clearly the favorite, since he’s all they ever talk about. If Jake is under the impression that Jesse is their favorite son, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that they aren’t talking about how much they hate him all the time. They talk about him all the time because they’re worried. Jesse looks surprised, and then a little ashamed.

That night, he can’t sleep, so he opens the trunk in his bedroom. It’s full of his old toys and drawings. He gets a phone call from Combo and they make a deal for Jesse to sell him more drugs. Because he is, in fact, a criminal. And like—I think it’s deeply shitty of Jesse to be angry at his mom for not even directly saying to his face that she’s worried he might be committing crimes but just maybe sort of implying it, when that is indeed what he’s doing, under her own roof, after she welcomed him in. Jesse is the asshole in this situation, not his mom.

Later on, Jesse’s parents’ maid finds a joint. His parents are upset and assume it’s his. His mom asks, rhetorically, how many chances have they given him, and how many times have they had this conversation, and how many times has Jesse lied to their faces and played on their emotions by telling them what they want to hear so they’ll give him another chance, which they always do, and how it makes them feel like fools. If Jesse’s parents were abusive, I don’t think they would have given him so many chances. And his parents have a right to be angry about all the lies he’s told them. They are wrong in this particular case, but it’s not unreasonable for them to make that assumption, since they’ve had the exact same thing happen many times before, which Jesse doesn’t deny. And even though the joint wasn’t his, he did spend the previous evening making a drug deal out of his childhood bedroom.

And like—we’ve witnessed the manipulation his mom is talking about in this very episode, with Jesse setting the table to prevent them from asking him about what drugs he was on when he showed up in their backyard, which works—they don’t confront him. They don’t want to chase him away.

So they kick him out. But it’s not like he’s going to the streets. He has a house! A very nice house, in a great neighborhood, all to himself!

And about that house. I also rewatched the scene where he loses the home in 2x04, and this is what happens: his parents ask Jesse to speak with them and their lawyer. Jesse pouts and scowls and rolls his eyes. He assumes this is “another” intervention, i.e. a boring waste of his time, in his opinion. He only becomes interested in what’s happening when the lawyer says he has 72 hours to leave. He can’t believe he’s being kicked out of his own house! Except his dad has to explain to him that he doesn’t own it.

How was Jesse not aware that he didn’t own the house??? He just seems to think that living in it means he owns it. That suggests to me that he isn’t paying rent. Jesse isn’t a little kid. He’s got to be aware that owning a house is a legal matter, and that he’d need to have his name put on the deed. But he doesn’t know that, because it’s pretty clear to me that he’s never actually had any adult responsibilities.

So back to the meeting. Jesse is furious at being kicked out of “his” house. Apparently at one point, the plan had been to sell it and split the profits 50/50. He angrily asks why that’s off the table now. Jesse’s dad says it’s because Jesse a “speed manufacturer.” Jesse IMMEDIATELY lies—like he doesn’t even take a beat to process it, he just reflexively denies it, sounding outraged that his father would DARE to accuse him of such a thing. But like—he is a speed manufacturer!!!

His mom says that a DEA agent came to their house looking for him. Jesse immediately lies again and says that he’s been HELPING the DEA, and that he could get into a lot of trouble for telling them so, and sarcastically says “you’re welcome,” I guess expecting them to be impressed that he’s helping the DEA? (These are all lies—he is lying his ass off.) His mom says she saw the meth lab in the basement. Jesse still doesn’t admit it. Instead, he expresses annoyance that his mom has a key. To the house she owns. The lawyer confronts him with photos of the lab. Jesse dismisses it as not a big deal because it isn’t even there anymore, he cleaned it out. He doesn’t acknowledge at all that he just lied to his parents’ face several times in the space of about five minutes.

His dad says they can’t stop him from ruining his life, but they won’t let him take them down with them. It's harsh, but true. Jesse set up a meth lab in the basement of a home his parents legally owned, which could have gotten them into trouble. And when the DEA came looking for him, they didn’t turn him over, even though they could have. I mean, maybe you can argue that they just didn’t want to lose the house, but I think they also don’t want their son to go to jail.

His mom shows up later at his house while he’s taking a nap. He tries to hide all his drug paraphernalia while telling his mom that the whole thing has been such a huge wake up call for him, and how he’s thinking about going to business school, and how great it is that they’re starting a dialogue! Very sweet now, very apologetic. (HE’S LYING. HE’S NOT GOING TO BUSINESS SCHOOL, HE’S SELLING DRUGS.)

Then he notices that furniture is being moved out. He drops the sweetness and gets angry. His mom tells him she’s putting the furniture in storage and will give it back to him when he “grows up.” Then he gets really angry and says that he “earned” the house by taking his aunt to her appointments and making her lunch every day. And then his mom says that he didn’t make her lunch every day.

And you know—I kind of believe her? Like—Jesse obviously was involved with his aunt’s care, but is it hard to believe that maybe he was a little flaky about it? And it’s true Ginny wanted him to live in her house. But she didn’t leave the house to Jesse in her will. She left it to her sister. Why? I think probably because she knew that Jesse wasn’t mature enough to own a home. Which was true!

Then Jesse gets right up in her face and starts screaming that she abandoned her dying sister (did she?) and now she’s making her eldest son homeless (as if Jesse’s choices didn’t have anything to do with that) then he sarcastically says what a great family they have. And then she slaps him and yells back that she doesn’t know why he’s like this. What a monster.

Anyway. I think we see Jesse suffer so much abuse at Walt’s hands that we kind of forget that he had a whole life before Walt showed up in it, and he was royally fucking it up in spite of having a lot of privilege. He's an upper middle class white boy who, at age 24, has no job (other than selling drugs), and yet he had a house to live in rent-free (kind of doubt he paid utilities either), clothes to wear, and food to eat, and it basically seems like he did whatever he felt like (which was mostly partying) while suffering very few consequences other than not being allowed to live with his parents, which I’m assuming as an adult man, he’d rather not be doing anyway. And the only reason he lost that house was because he built a meth lab in the basement. Jesse wasn’t abused. He was coddled.

[kylejsugarman]

like walt obviously never wanted to or tried to focus on his cancer as a disease, it just became a nebulous entity that was in turns an impetus to Get what he Wanted and an exit sign, and thus was never a huge component of his jesse/business-facing identity, but it’s so excruciatingly clear that the cancer as a disease WAS a big part of his identity to jesse. walt worried about people perceiving him as withered and diseased, but jesse perceived him the complete opposite way and transitioned to that “digital short about making a meth comic” hero worship state of walt partially because of his cancer. jesse not only has a well documented affinity for protecting the vulnerable (and like it or not, cancer is an inherently vulnerable disease), he has an early established personal connection with cancer thru his late aunt ginny. his and ginny’s relationship is a story told almost exclusively through offscreen events and visual or conversational cues, but that just makes it all the more wrenching because this story falls into place in near perfect tandem with the show’s deepening and softening of jesse’s character. we realize that he’s a loving, insecure, vulnerable person just as we’re also piecing together that he lived for years with this woman who loved him as he Was and who he cared for devotedly until she died. her things remain in her house untouched; when he invokes her name, there’s an unusual degree of reverence to it that we don’t typically see with jesse. he clearly still reveres ginny and those emotions transfer to walt as soon as jesse learns about his cancer diagnosis. that protective instinct emerges, that sense of urgency returns. when walt says that his cancer is stage 3a, jesse unconsciously mumbles “in ur lymph nodes”—not a fact u would expect him to just know offhand. jesse knows this from his time with ginny and in that line—the quietness of it, the impulsivity of it—we see that jesse is thinking about Time. realizing how little of it walt must have left if it’s in his lymph nodes. and so he submits. jesse submits and follows his protective instinct despite the harm it leads him to because he wants to buy walt more time. walt and ginny have become inextricably linked in his mind and when walt dispenses those rare bits of affection and approval, those links only grow stronger. we see all these newly uncovered parts of jesse—the part of him that cares deeply for the vulnerable, the part of him that needs validation from a parental figure, the part of him that is no longer there following ginny’s death—bending to accommodate a generous perspective of walt as a sort of hero who is fighting cancer and graciously allowing jesse to fight by his side for a greater good. and if jesse can reach the bar that walt has set for him, if he can just do what he’s told and chase walt’s approval, maybe he can earn them that victory and save walt from what happened to ginny. i just think that if ginny weren’t a part of this equation, we wouldn’t have gotten the walt and jesse relationship we got. in any case, we certainly wouldn’t have gotten jesse lovingly drawing and inking a literal comic book superhero version of walt and their adventures.

[paramar]

jesse, remember lord DIO promised to distribute our meth all over egypt if we killed the joestars, so we need to get rid of the stardust crusaders as soon as possible. i managed to build this pipe bomb, so you'll disguise as jotaro and get it in their car. do you understand, jesse?

[lostcherise]

Kiss and Tell

pairing: jesse pinkman x f!reader (established domingo/krazy-8 x reader relationship)

summary: Jesse Pinkman had a tendency of playing with fire - he was cooking meth after all. But the riskiest thing he could do was go behind Krazy-8's back, with his girlfriend of all people - you.

word count: 6,317

warnings: domingo being an asshole, infidelity, smut, bathroom sex, piv sex, fingering, blowjob/mouthfucking, nipple play, praise kink?, squirting, creampie

a/n: i don't condone cheating, just to clear things out. i haven't proofread this yet, but i'd love your feedback, it means a lot!

 Another sigh angrily slipped past your lips.

How many more could you take.

This would be the last one, you thought silently to yourself. 

The bass from the speakers behind you thumped rhythmically, and although it was loud enough to block out all outside noises, it did jack shit at blocking out the freight train that was your thoughts. The vibrations traveled all the way from your head, just right above the back of your neck - that one spot that once had you shivering whenever Domingo would use to brush his lips against your skin, just the way he knew you liked it - all the way to your toes. 

Another party Domingo had dragged you to, yet another party you were left alone at. At first you liked coming with him, but for the past year, as he delved deeper into drugs,  Domingo had grown more distant and cold; things had shifted. Consequently, so had your feelings for him, too. But by the time you had realized, you were already in too deep to back out. 

Thirty minutes in, while you two were mingling with some people you didn't quite know, Domingo was dragged away from you. A "business" partner. Since you didn't toy with the idea of spending the rest of the night with a bunch of strangers, you decided that that was your cue to leave. That is how you had ended up on some stranger's couch all by yourself. Getting sick of your own wallowing, you decided you needed a drink. You sprung up from the old leather couch and with swift steps you found your way to the kitchen, and made a beeline for the assortment of booze and mixers that were laid out on the kitchen island. 

"I thought that was you, yo!" A voice spoke a tad too excitedly behind you.

You turned around and were met with a familiar pair of icy blues. "Jesse, hey." you greeted him. 

"Now," he spoke up, coming up to stand close to you. Too close, you thought; just when he leaned in a little closer to grab the bottle of vodka in front of you. "What are you doing out here by yourself?" he asked, his voice now an octave lower. Jesse was studying your face closely, but you avoided his intense gaze. With a deep sigh you tried to regulate your fastening heartbeat, and kept your gaze locked in on a spilled Cola stain on the granite top. 

"Did he ditch you again?" Jesse gave you no time to reply. Tonight was the third time he had found you all alone after Domingo had ran off to somewhere. You still could remember the first time it had happened perfectly, despite all the alcohol in your system that time. You remembered all the bits and pieces you shared of yourselves, you remembered the way you both laughed at embarrassing childhood stories, and you most definitely could remember the way Jesse was staring at you whenever it was your turn to speak. Jesse would look at you so intently, so deeply; he was literally staring into your soul each time you talked. 

It was after the second time this had happened when you realized that you may enjoy his presence as more than an acquaintance. That was also the time you realized that you could not let your guard down and let Jesse come waltzing in with his baby blues, perfect sm-

"That obvious?" you snorted, pushing your previous thoughts away. You smiled up at Jesse, though it never reached your eyes and he could tell, but he chose not to make any comments on it. 

"That's why I came to the rescue, yo!" Jesse exclaimed, reached for a can of tonic water. A small smile played on your lips while you watched him fix you a drink. 

"My knight in shining armor," you took the red cup from his outstretched hand. "Truly." you emphasized after a generous sip, of what was 3/4 parts vodka and 1/4 tonic, barely. You supressed a gag through gritted teeth, as the alcohol burned its way down your esophagus and almost burning a hole through your stomach. 

You fell into conversation; it really came to you like second nature. He was so attentive to every little thing you said, looking into your eyes intently with each word you said, to show that he really listened, and he made you feel at ease. 

Jesse rested his chin on his palm while he studied you as you spoke, subconsciously leaning in closer to you. One move from you and your lips would meet in a fiery kiss that you had been longing for since the last time you two saw each other. 

Though the next moment he pulled back and looked behind you. Fear flashed for just a second through his eyes, before he broke into a fake nonchalant smile. 

"Yo, Kraze, we were just about to come lookin' for you. Right?" Jesse laughed nervously, his eyes moving to meet yours briefly, to make sure you were on board with his impromptu lie. 

"Yeah, babe," you agreed, voice sickly sweet. "Been lookin' for you all night." your tone came off a bit more snappy than you intended. 

Tension loomed heavily over the three of you, with Jesse stuck smack down in the middle. He looked nervously back and forth from you and Domingo, chewing on his bottom lip; neither of you said a word to one another, yet a lot was said by your shared silence. 

"Well," Jesse cleared his throat, and bravely broke the silence first. "You found us first, so..." he trailed off with an awkward laugh, raising his hands and letting them fall against his thighs with a slap. "See you around." and with that he grabbed his drink and left. 

Domingo turned his head, watching Jesse walk out of the kitchen. He turned to look at you with an accusatory look, one eyebrow raised and his lips pressed into a frown. A few seconds passed like this; you paid attention to his flared nostrils moving with each deep inhale he took. He took slow steps towards you, it almost felt as if he was a predator sizing its prey. 

"So, what now?" he spoke, his voice dripping venom. "I leave you for a bit, and you go running straight to your new boy toy?" he spat the accusation your way. He was now standing right in front of you, and you watched rage dance around in his eyes. 

With that it was your turn to scowl, a deep line forming between your furrowed brows. "How fucking dare you?" is all you could muster at that moment. Instinctively, your hand moved up to slap him hard accross the face, but he caught your wrist mid air. You gasped, only now realizing what you were just about to do and fear started burning deep inside you. 

"Don't you ever," Domingo growled through gritted teeth, his face reddening as his anger grew deeper; his grip around your wrist tightening. "Think about doing that again." 

"I'm sorry, I-" you stammered. Your chin quivered while you gnawed on your bottom lip to bite back down the whimper that threatened to escape. It hadn't registered in you yet why you felt like crying exactly. Maybe it was anger, or disappointment. Disappointment at Domingo that he would accuse you of cheating. 

Or maybe you were mostly disappointed at yourself for even wishing it had happened. 

"Save it." he raised a finger in indication to shush you. 

"Babe I-" 

"I said fucking save it." he yelled, catching you off guard. "Let's just fucking go." Domingo grumbled and grabbed you by your elbow, tugging you harshly behind him. 

He dragged you through the other unsuspecting party goers, your body bumping heavily against them while Domingo dragged you out of the house. A few curses were aimed your way but you weren't in the right headspace to deal with that. Searching through the small crowd, you hoped to catch Jesse one last time. You spotted him laying down on a bean bag, a small glass pipe in his hand. Jesse locked eyes with you and followed your retreating figure; his brows wrinkling with worry. You smiled reassuringly to which he only pressed his lips in a tight line in acknowledgment and gave you a wary wave before you disappeared out the door completely. 

The walk back to the car was silent, your hed hung low and you hugged yourself, following Domingo with slow steps down the driveway, the gravel crunching beneath your platforms. By the time you arrived on the passenger's side, he was already in with the engine already running, waiting for you while he tapped his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel of his Buick. You had just barely gotten your right foot in, and moved to close the door when you were already moving. 

You shot a glare his way that fell unnoticed, given how he refused to even spare a few seconds of his time to look at you the moment he dragged you out of that forsaken party. With a sigh, you silently admitted your defeat and shifted in your seat, your body just ever so slightly turned to the right, with your back halfway turned on him and just stared out the window the entire drive back home.

With vigorous movements you towel dried your hair, lingering on the entrance of your en suite bathroom and you studied him, him sitting on the edge of your king sized bed; elbows on his knees, hands clasped together, his pointer fingers pressed against his lips. After what felt an eternity, you decided to break the silence first. 

"Not talking isn't going to make things right, you know." your voice came out shakier than you intended it to be. The last time you had felt this type of scared was when your dad had found you and your cousin secretly smoking one of his cigarettes when you were both 11, you had stolen the entire pack right out of his pocket during his daily afternoon siesta. Your heart thumped with the same vigor it had that day, when his towering figure had loomed over your tiny self, the sunlight that was shining behind and around him had cast a shadow over him, making him all the more menacing. 

"There's nothing to talk about." he groused, hands still on his face. 

"Nothing to talk about?" 

Silence. 

"Nothing to talk about, really?" you repeated louder this time, a newly found surge of courage came over you. "How 'bout," you paused, stepping to stand in front of him, hunching over to be in his line of vision, "You accusing me of cheating on you! On what conjecture, please, enlighten me?" 

"Oh, don't act dumb on me now." Domingo chuckled dryly, standing up on his feet. "I've seen you." 

The thumping in your chest picked up its rhythm. Your mouth closed and opened like a fish out of water, yet no sounds fell past your lips. With one step Domingo took towards you, you took another one back. Until your butt bumped on the edge of your dresser, the various toiletries on top rattling softly upon the impact. 

"I've seen how he looks at you." he muttered, his breath hitting your face with each word he spoke. 

"Just because he has a silly crush on me doesn't mean I want him." you rebuted, and the lie came easy to you. Maybe if saying it out loud would make you realize how foolish this situation was and that you'd move on from this incident, and cuddle each other to sleep like you once used to do, almost a year ago. Maybe denying his accusations would make your growing interest in Jesse dissipate. It was normal, after all, for couples to hit rough patches along the way. It really was normal that most days out of the week Domingo would opt to fall asleep on the couch instead. It was normal for him to start hugging you less. It was normal. 

"Whatever helps you sleep better at night."

You slept alone that night too. The only thing different this time was you dreamt of Jesse.

──────────────────────────────────────────

The loud thumping was instantly muted the minute you dragged the balcony door shut behind you. Another party; this time you were alone. All the days leading up to today, you tried to act as if the real reason you decided to come, alone at that, wasn't in hopes of bumping into Jesse. Now, although the two of you had exchanged contact infromation, it felt like a bold and shameless thing to reach out to him, considering you were in a relationship and Jesse regularly worked for Domingo. So, you chose to go a more subtle route. 

You decided the party was too boring for you after realizing Jesse wasn't there and went out for a smoke. Maybe you'd go home right after. Reaching into the back pocket of your boot cut jeans, you fished out a crumbled up packet of Malboro Menthols. A small lighter was nestled in between the last three cigarettes, of which you grabbed one and put it on your lips. 

The sparkwheel rolled against the pad of your thumb and the lighter scritched. You rolled it again, the flint scraping once more but to no avail. 

Chk, chk, chk. 

"Oh, man. Come on." you mumbled, the cigarette in your mouth bobbing up and down. You tried once more, nothing. With an angry grumble, you tossed the broken lighter through the balcony, it landing somewhere on the lawn. Truth is, you didn't really care about littering some stranger's lawn. 

"Here." A voice sounded from next to you. Jesse was leaning against the railing, a lazy smile dancing on his lips and his outstretched hand was holding an already lit lighter. Your eyes widened in surprise and you leaned in towards it, and took a drag, the end of the cigarette lighting up with a fiery ring. 

"Thanks." you exhaled. 

"Your knight in shining armor strikes once again." he jested, referring to when you called him that the last time you two were together. Your laughters died out and you fell into silence. To you it wasn't awkward, it felt sort of comforting. Though, you couldn't say the same for Jesse. You softly scrunched your brows and watched with squinting eyes as he figdeted anxiously. His eyes wide and set on nothing in particular as he stared right in front of him. 

"Menthols, huh." Jesse pointed out, internally cringing at his sorry attempt to start a conversation. He gripped the balcony railing, mentally berating himself for not being able to keep his cool around you, something he came to find out was impossible to him. He avoided eye contact, the white chipping paint seemingly more engaging to him. 

"Yeah, why? I like the taste." your reply came off more defensive than you intended too. Domingo sometimes would tease you for smoking them, often saying they were 'too girly.' 

"Nah, I fuck with menthols, yo." Jesse replied, and oddly enough you found that little fact about him comforting. 

You smiled, mostly to yourself, occasionally flicking ash off of the edge of the balcony. Having almost reached the end of the cigarette, you threw it on the floor and squeezing it beneath the tip of your boot. Instinctively, you reached for another one, with shaky hands. Your nerves were getting to you and you smoked like a chimney when nervous, going through a whole pack in one go, easily. Being around Jesse alone, completely alone, wasn't helping. 

"You, uh," Jesse's voice broke the silence once again. "Here alone?" his tone rising a bit, you swore he almost sounded hopeful you'd say yes. 

When you gave an affirmative answer, you noticed Jesse visibly relaxing and gaining a bit of confidence. His back straightened up and his shoulders rolled back and he nodded, taking in the new exciting piece of information. If he didn't take Domingo's absence to his advantage to shoot his shot with you, he'd beat himself up for it for the rest of his life. He observed you, how that one stubborn piece of hair kept falling out of place and you kept pushing it behind your ear. How he wished he could be the one brushing it off of your face, to softly graze your skin, so he could take the chance to memorize how soft and warm you felt against his fingertips. He silently admired you from the side, taking in your side profile. You really were beautiful from whatever angle, all around.

His chest constricted once the realization hit him. He rubbed his nape with a tattooed hand, an action he always did whenever he was really nervous, his cheeks ballooning as he exhaled deeply. Sure, to him you were gorgeous, but each time he got the chance to spend time and talk to you, it was becoming clear to him that he wasn't into you just for the sex. The sex would be just another added bonus.

However, there was a huge obstacle. Domingo. His brows lowered into his eyes, a thought occuring to him; you were here alone. Jesse watched you nervously fumble with the cigarette pack in your hands and immediately reached into the pocket of his oversized hoodie, for his lighter. Although he could simply hand it to you so you could light your cigarette yourself, he'd rather offer his flame to you. It felt sort of, intimate. 

With a smile, you graciously accepted, lighting your second cigarette, and you mumbled in thanks. 

"You and Kraze broke up or something?" And although Jesse tried to play it off all cool and nonchalant, you could hear the hopefulness in his voice. 

At that, your smile faltered and you were brought back to reality. "No, but you wish we had, don't you?" 

Jesse stared at you with wide eyes, surprised that you could see right through him. His cheeks reddened in embarrassment and he tried to mask it with a laugh. "Nah, I-"

"It's okay, you don't have to lie." you reassured, although it was mostly said to tease him. Now, his entire face was red and you smiled triumphantly, glad that it had worked. 

Jesse looked at you ashamed. That only lasted a second though, and before you could register what was happening, Jesse's lips came crashing against yours. His hands found his way around your neck, while yours remained frozen at your sides. His kiss was hungry, yet unexpectedly soft, so soft it had you reeling. You felt your knees buckling and braced yourself against the metal railing. Just as you began to relax against him, you harshly pushed him off, the reality of what you had just done crashing on you like a tidal wave. 

"What the fuck, Jesse?" 

"Shit, I'm sorry. I thought..." his voice died out as he took in your distraught state. 

"I need to leave." you whispered and bolted the scene.

What you failed to pay attention to was that Jesse was tailing you. You weaved through the crowd and up the flight off stairs, in desperate search of a bathroom, feeling the need to throw some nice, cold water on your face to calm the raging heat coursing through you. Turning your body to the side, you tried to avoid the couple making out at the top of the stairs and continued your way down the corridor.

After accidentally walking in on a drunken threesome in a spare bedroom, you successfully found the bathroom. You were about to close the door behind you, when the tip of a sneaker prevented you from doing so. You peek through the door and you're met with the one pair of ocean blues you were trying to avoid. 

"Why are you following me?" you demanded, trying to push the door, to which Jesse pushed back this time using his body too, to stop you from closing the door on him. 

"Look, let me explain." he grunted, fighting you to push the door open. "You're surprisingly strong." he thought out loud, giving one final push and making his way in, closing and locking the door behind him. 

With a huff, you angrily crossed your arms against your chest, pushing one hip out and raising an eyebrow at him in an indication to keep talking. Jesse licked his lips and your mind drifted back to a few minutes ago, when those same lips were pressed against yours. And, oh, he tasted so incredibly sweet; like the first taste of ice cream on a hot summer day. And you mentally beat yourself up for wanting, no, needing more. 

"I like you, like a lot." he scoffed and widened his eyes for emphasis on 'a lot.' "If that's not obvious by now." he chuckled, his hand rubbing the back of his neck so hard it turned red. Sighing, he kept rubbing his neck, his hands moving upwards and pushed his beanie off as he did so. His light brown locks were disheveled and all over the place and he lightly pulled on them in frustration. Jesse was so nervous it almost looked as if he was in pain. He looked at you with a serious gaze, "The question is if you feel the same." he asked, his voice thick with emotion. 

"Look, I'm not stupid, okay?" his voice rose a little, getting tired of your silence. "You yourself told me how shitty Kraze has been treating you, and I know you like me too. Why fight it?" he whispered the last part, now standing closer to you, searching your eyes with a pleading gaze. 

With a turn of your head you tried to avoid looking at him, hating the fact that he was right about this. That Domingo was also right about this. But no matter how you tried to fight your feelings, Jesse kept pulling you deeper and deeper into him until he consumed you, like a black hole. 

"Tell me you don't want this, and I'll leave you alone." he mumbled. 

"I don't want this." you whispered, your gaze transfixed on the 2 in 1 shampoo bottle on the edge of the tub. 

"Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want this." he mumbled in defeat. "Please." he cupped your cheek and turned your head, forcing you to look at him. 

You opened your mouth, ready to lie to his face. To tell him it was all a misunderstanding, that you saw him as nothing more than a friend, that you were happily in a loving relationship. Yet no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't force the words to come out. You silently stared as a swarm of emotions swam through the ocean of his eyes, and you swore you saw a sliver of hope in there. 

Because to Jesse, your silence was enough of the answer he needed. 

Jesse leaned forward and closed the distance between you, this time he moved more reluctantly. When you wasted no time in kissing him back this time, he visibly relaxed and sighed happily into the kiss, one hand snaking around your waist to pull you flush against his body, while the other cupped your jawline. This time, your hands moved to wrap around his shoulders, allowing your body to fully relax against his, his hand rubbing circles on your waist, before reluctantly moving down to squeeze the soft, round flesh of your ass with his palm. 

You let out a high pitched whimper into his mouth, almost feeling embarrassed at your reaction. To your defense, it had been a while since you were last kissed and touched like this. Jesse took this as a chance to let his tongue explore your mouth, his tongue clashing against yours and tasting the menthols you were previously smoking. Pulling away from the kiss, he turned you around, your back now facing the door, and walked towards it, until your back met the wood with a soft thud.

Wasting no time, Jesse resumed on his work, but this time he buried his head into your neck, kissing and biting, leaving angry red marks in his wake. He didn't care if your boyfriend saw the marks littered across your supple skin, in fact, it turned him on more just thinking about Domingo finding them. He bit and sucked harder, and your head fell back against the door as a loud moan fought its way past your lips, and Jesse only took advantage of the access you had just given him. 

While Jesse worked his way on your neck with his mouth, his hands busied themselves with your breasts, cupping and squeezing through your tank top. You weren't wearing a bra and most definitely Jesse could tell by the way he could feel your hardened nipples against his palms. 

"This is getting in my way." he mumbled in between kisses against your skin, referring to your shirt. And with no warning, he pushed the neckline down, your breasts spilling out with a bounce. "Fuck." he groaned at the sight of them, your nipples were so hard, they were practically begging for him to have his way with them. Jesse involuntarily bucked his hips against yours at the thought, and you could feel him hardening against you. His fingers squeezed your breasts softly and while one hand remained on your breast, massaging it, his other moved to give some much needed attention to your nipple. With the pads of his thumb and finger, he began massaging your hardened nub, occasionally pinching it, to which you moaned every time. He tugged and pinched, admiring the way you writhed in pained pleasure. 

"Harder." you whispered, ashamed of what you had just asked him to do. Never in your life had it crossed your mind at how into this you would be. 

Jesse grinned smugly, silently complying and gazed through hooded lids at how your face scrunched up, as you let out yet another moan when he pinched and tugged at your nipple hard. He dove his head down, his lips enclosing around your sore nub. His lips were soft and wet, just what you needed after his assault on your breast, the contrasting feeling of pain and pleasure had you rolling your eyes back into your skull. He groaned softly against your breast, his tongue lapping in circles around your nipple, occasionally sucking and grazing it with his teeth, and it only had your mind wandering on how good he could eat you out.

While his lips were focused on one breast, his other hand worked on your other breast, sending your mind into overdrive. Deciding his work was done, he moved his lips on your other newly sore nipple. And while he busied himself on your chest, his tattooed hand slowly made its way down to the hem of your shirt, nimble fingers sneaking beneath your shirt, and down the waistline of your jeans, not caring about unbuttoning your pants. 

"Mhm, you're doing so well." Jesse mumbled against your breast, before leaving his mark on your skin. His right hand was now nestled on your clothed cunt, his middle finger drawing circles against the wet patch of your lacy underwear. "And you're so wet already." he groaned and moved your underwear to the side, to slip a finger in. 

"You're nice and warm, can't wait to feel you around my cock." he continued his praise, pushing in and out in a slow and steady pace. "Would you like that?"

You merely nodded in response. His hand cupped your jaw, pulling your head down and forcing you to look into his eyes, pupils blown out in pleasure. "Use your words, baby." he commanded in a soft voice. 

You nodded. "Yes, yes please." your voice came out in a broken moan that was silenced by his fervent kiss. He added his ring finger into your pussy and picked up his pace, pushing into you knuckle deep. His fingers pushed into the soft spongy part inside you, hitting that perfect spot just right, his palm pressing against your clit as he did so. 

"Oh, fuck, Jesse." you moaned his name, and another string of curses followed suit as he sucked on your breasts like a man starved, his pace nice and steady against your cunt. With each thrust of his fingers, your pussy grew wetter by the second, your slick coating his fingers and seeping through the thin fabric of your underwear and onto your jeans. Your face flushed as you felt an almost forgotten, but familiar sensation pool at the bottom of your stomach, fighting its way to push through you with vigor. 

"I'm so close." you whined, holding on to his shoulders for support for your impending orgasm. 

"Be a good girl and cum for me." Jesse whispered hotly in your ear. And that was all you needed to tip over the edge, your vision flashed white for a moment and your breath hitched in your throat as the first wave of your orgasm hit you, your walls pulsing around his fingers as you came hard. 

"Fuck." you groaned, slowly coming back to reality. Jesse pumped his fingers two last times before pulling out of you with a lewd sound. 

Pulling you off the door, he turned you both around and he leaned against it this time and quickly moved to unbuckle his belt. Feeling needy and desperate for him, you assisted him in unbuttoning his jeans and letting them pool around his ankles. You licked your lips hungrily, admiring the way a wet spot had formed on the side of his burgundy boxers, right where his leaking tip was. You fell down on your knees, immediately burying your face in his clothed crotch, mouthing his hardened dick through the cotton barrier of his underwear.  

"Fucking cock tease." Jesse grumbled and impatiently pushed his boxers down, his cock springing free and hitting you on the cheek. 

You wasted no time in your work, grabbing the thick base with one hand, your lips enclosing around his leaking head, lapping up at the pearly beads of precum coating his slit. Circling your tongue around his shaft, you slowly made your way down before pulling back entirely halfway through. Flattening your tongue on the unerside of his dick, you ran a long strip all the way down to his balls, not wasting a chance on sucking on them one at a time, before licking your way back to the tip. 

Hollowing out your cheeks, you made your descent towards the base, struggling with his length against your mouth, gagging softly as he hit the back of your throat and you tried to relax your throat around him to  take him further down. Breathing through your nose, you finally made it all the way to his pelvis, your nose rubbing against his trimmed hair. Your gaze was transfixed on him, patiently waiting for him to look down at you.

When he finally did, a string of curses ripped through him. His hands moved down to your face, gently pushing your hair out of the way, in contast to how he was bucking his hips against your head to meet you halfway. He pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail and used that to his advantage to easily push your head further down on his cock as he bucked his lips into your mouth. 

"You're so perfect." he breathed out in pleasure as you licked the underside of his dick. You hummed in response to his compliment, bobbing your head up and down a bit faster. "Shit, keep going like that and I'll cum in your mouth." he laughed and decided that was enough for today. He needed to be buried deep inside you, now. Pulling you off his dick by your ponytail, he moved his hand behind your head and guided you back on your feet, eyes locked on one another. He pulled you into another searing kiss, this one hungrier and needier than ever before, before turning you pressing you face first against the bathroom door. 

Without saying much, he unbuttoned your jeans and you helped him pull them down, just as desperate for him to fill you up with his length. They fell all the way down to your knees, and you spread your legs open, angling your ass back just right for him to enter you with ease. 

"Look at you, so needy." Jesse cooed, pushing all of your hair to the side, exposhing your shoulder, on which he placed soft kisses, singing his praises. You, lost deep in pleasure, could barely form a coherent response, nothing more but a few whimpers. 

"Need you." you managed to croak out, shaking your ass against him, feeling his cock brushing against your ass; long and hard. With a steadying hand on your hip, he inched closer to you, his other hand wrapped around the base, helping him angle himself better against you. Teasingly, he circled your slick entrance with his tip, and slid his length against your folds, gathering up your wetness and naturally lubricating himself, before he pushed his way in. 

Gently at first, he buried himself deeper into your needy cunt, inch by inch, giving you time to adjust and he bottomed out with a groan and ground his hips against you before slowly pulling out. With only the tip inside, he pushed back into you in one swift movement, repeating again before picking up his pace into a steady rhythm, that had you moaning uncontrollably. 

Your knees buckled and you desperately tried to steady yourself against the door, thank God for Jesse gripping your hips and keeping you upright as he fucked his length into you. Jesse looked down at your connecting bodies, enjoying the way your pussy swallowed him right up, and you fit around him like a glove. 

"You take me so well." his voice shaked as he tried to keep his composure. 

"Don't stop, please." you mewled, your chest slipping further down the door, causing you to bend down deeper, opening up to him more and allowing Jesse to plow deeper into your wetness. 

"Tell me," he groaned, his hand moving around your throat, just below your jaw and pushing your head back, making you look at him. "Does he fuck you like I do?" 

Your breath came out in a shocked gasp, not expecting that question at all, Domingo not having crossed through your mind for a second, until just now. Jesse's upper lip twitched while he picked up his pace, your moans only growing louder with each thrust of his hips. 

"Tell me." 

"N-no, he doesn't." you admitted. 

"That's what I thought." he grinned and released you from his grip, and pulled out of you entirely. You looked up at him with a confused frown, before he pulled you into a kiss and guided both of you towards the large bathroom counter. Without breaking the kiss, he placed his hands beneath your thighs and picked you up, sitting you on the edge of the counter, the marble feeling cold against your bare skin. Now tugging on your jeans, he removed them entirely. Out of their own accord, your legs spread wide open, exposing your throbbing pussy. 

With a smile, Jesse pushed himself back in, starting off slowly and picking up his previous pace, this time adding his thumb to the mix, rubbing circles against your swollen clit. Your hands gripped his shoulders for support, your legs hanging off in the air. Jesse leaned down and moaned into your neck, and placed sloppy kisses on your exposed shoulder. 

"I'm so close, Jesse." you moaned, running your fingers through his tousled hair and moved to wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer  to you. 

"Me too." he groaned, fucking into you deeper, faster, harder with every bit of strength he had left in him. 

Jesse continued fucking into you like this for longer than you anticipated, occasionally moving up to kiss you. With each thrust of his you felt the familiar heat pooling around your lower abdomen, also feeling your walls tightening around his cock. With a steady hand on the back of your head, he held you in place, leaning his forehead against yours, his baby blues staring back into your eyes with so much emotion. 

"Cum for me, baby." he cooed. 

You obliged, feeling the familiar heat bursting inside you, although this time it hit you harder and longer, your thighs trembled as you gushed, squirting your come all over your thighs and his. "Fuck!" you screamed, as your orgasm continued pulsing through you in waves, and he continued fucking it out of you. His thrusts grew sloppy and uneven; he was close. 

"Shit, shit, shit!" Jesse thrust into you two more times, before unloading himself into you. You pushed his exposed ass with the heels of your boot, and kept him in place agianst you as he filled you up with his cum, coating up your walls. His hips had now fallend into a lazy rhythm, as he continued fucking into you, small droplets of cum falling out of your sore pussy. He stilled, his dick now almost complety soft and pulled out of you with a wince. However, he still remained in between your legs, kissing you, caressing you. 

After a couple of minutes, you both cleaned up in silence and now that the cloud of lust had dissipated, the harsh reality hit you hard. You had to break up with Domingo. You weren't sure telling him about Jesse would be wise, although, he would put two and two together and figure it out on his own, but leaving that part out was the best move. 

After all, you never kiss and tell. 

[an-angel2u]

hiii i literally love how our taste is the same lmaoooo !!

could i get reader comforting a whiny sub!jesse pinkman after he gets into another fight with walter in the lab and needs to be told how much he's worth to us <333

thank you!! 🫶🫶

beneath the weight

all jesse wanted to do was support you. the both of you. if that meant that he had to make blue meth in a laboratory with his former chemistry teacher who was dying of cancer… then that’s what he was going to do.

the job was tough, not only illegal and tedious, but he had to deal with said former chemistry teacher. he nitpicked everything that jesse did.

when he came home in the wee hours of the night, not only would he be tired, he’d feel like he was unimportant and a burden to everyone in the world.

tonight was different, it was worse than before. you couldn’t even imagine what walter could’ve said to jesse to make him this upset.

he slammed the front door, and you heard him kicking off his shoes and throwing the keys in the bowl.

you had prepared for him to come in like this, today was already an off day for him. the night wasn’t going to be any different.

you sat up in bed, waiting for jesse to come into your shared bedroom. his eyes were red and so was his nose. he had been crying.

“jesse…” you got up out of the bed and walked over to him, lifting his head up by his chin. his body immediately tensed as you touched him. your eyes took in his entire expression. “what happened, baby… talk to me.”

“i don’t know why i keep letting that fucker get to me. every damn time!” jesse raised his voice, he raised his hands, intertwining his fingers and placing them on the back of his ear.

you let him calm down for a second before you pulled at his wrists allowing you more access to wrap your arms around his neck.

“listen to me,” you spoke into his neck. “white doesn’t know shit, okay? he doesn’t see you, the way i do.”

“fuck, you don’t get it.” he pulled away from you, and you noticed the tears welling up in his eyes. “he says shit like ‘i don’t need you’ or ‘you’d be nothing without me.’ he calls me pathetic every god damn day.”

that made you feel a way, walter white of all people, giving jesse shit. “that old fuck doesn’t know anything. you are not pathetic. not to me, not to anyone who truly knows you.”

he wiped his eyes, trying to rid himself of the tears he shed. “come here.” you tilted your head over to the bed before laying down and resting your head on the headboard.

“come on…” you spoke again, this time with a softer tone. he huffed out a sigh before walking to your side of the bed, laying on your chest with his legs between yours.

“you know everybody makes mistakes, even white. you know what i love about you…?”

“what?” his doe eyes looked up, inspecting every bit of you.

“that you never let that shit get in your way. you still get up every morning and go to the lab. do i like the line of work you’ve decided to go for… not necessarily. nonetheless, you take care of both of us. i’m so thankful to have you in my life. regardless of what walter has to say to you.”

you brought your hand up to his face, rubbing his cheek with your thumb. his eyes softly closed immediately after you did that.

“i’m not gonna go anywhere. you know that you’ll always have me. it doesn’t matter what that… thing says… okay?” jesse scoffed at hearing your name for walter.

“okay…”

“now let me get some of that stress away, alright?”

[depressopax]

Being in a relationship with Jesse Pinkman would include...

SFW version only + extra headcanons (Smut version can be found here) Pairing: Jesse x gn!reader Genre: Fluff Warning(s): Breaking bad spoilers!  Mentions of alcohol, drugs and injury Mentions of trauma Words: 1336 Summary: What would dating Jesse Pinkman be like? English is not my first language so please let me know if I make any mistakes so I can evolve as a writer! :)

He would just LOVE having you around. All the damn time.

For example: When he throws parties in his house, he’ll have you by his side all the time. 

“But Jesse… I need to work!” “Work can wait, babe. I’m having a party!” “But…” “Pleaseeee! It’s not a good party if you’re not around…” “...Fine.”

When he falls in love, he falls hard.

Even if you’ve dated him for a short while, he would express his love for you early on.

He would be very insecure at the beginning of a relationship, so he needs lots of reassurance that he’s doing the right things etc.

He’ll brag about you for everyone, ALL THE TIME.

Jesse: “I’m telling ya! My partner is the best. Skinny Pete and Badger: “...Here we go again.” Walter: “I literally don’t care. We have work to do!”

His love language is touch. Every opportunity he gets, he wants to touch you (with consent ofc) This includes:

- Holding your hand when walking

- When sitting down, he’ll either make sure your legs are touching

- …Or have his hand resting on your thigh. 

- He loves having you sit in his lap, so he can cuddle you and rest his face against your neck. It relaxes him.

Jesse doesn’t mind PDA. He likes showing his you off. He often feels like you are “too good for him”, and therefore wants to brag, because he has such a wonderful (and hot) partner. 

He tends to get awkward when you call him nicknames or show him affection around his friends, since they tease him for being “a simp”.

You like it tho. 

Sometimes you’re extra “lovey-dovey” towards Jesse when his friends are around, just to tease him and watch him blush. 

Since Jesse earns lots of money in the meth business, he would buy you expensive gifts. 

…And make lots of impulsive purchases. 

You try making him stop spending so much money on gifts, but even if he promises to stop, he doesn't… 

He LOVES seeing you wearing his clothes. And if you don’t, he would probably ask you to wear his shirts, when sleeping etc. He just enjoys the sight of it, and for him, it’s the most adorable thing.

His phone would be full of selfies of you and him, but mostly pictures of you. He’s the guy to make you his lockscreen.

The two of you have a playful banter. There’s lot of teasing going on, and you have inside jokes (most of them are mocking Walter together)

He likes playing video games with you. This would be the one of the few times he’s rude. He is very competitive and tends to take games a bit too seriously. 

If he wins the game, he won’t shut up about it. He’ll tease you for it, until you tell him to shut the hell up

…If he loses, tho… He’ll be a baby about it. 

“Impossible! You cheated!” “I’m just better than you, Jesse!” “Yeah, right…” “...Are you mad at me?” “...Maybe”

If you don’t like alcohol and drugs, he would try to not use it in front of you. He would try quitting, but it would be a long journey. He hates seeing you worried for him, and that would be a motivation for him to quit, or at least try.

When cuddling and sleeping - He doesn’t care if he’s the big or little spoon. Whichever you prefer.

Comforting each other. 

Whenever you’re sad or angry, Jesse does everything to cheer you up. He tends to get awkward when someone cries, so he doesn’t know how to react. But he always does his best to cheer you up. 

He would want to introduce you to his friends. He wants everyone to know how amazing you are. 

He also likes the idea of being able to hang out with his friends and his partner at the same time.

But this would also include jealousy and Jesse being overprotective. 

He doesn’t like being the possessive boyfriend type, but if one of his friends tries hitting on you, he'd stare them or “playfully” threaten them. 

If someone flirts with you when he’s around, he either gets really insecure, or will just simply walk up to you and be affectionate (basically his way of saying: “They’re mine, back off bitch”)

This also includes his work. In dangerous situations, he prioritizes your safety before his own. 

…Although you’d probably end up being the one protecting him.

He would probably try keeping the relationship with you a secret, since he’s scared you’ll become a target.

At first, Jesse tried to lie about his career, but him being away for such a long time everyday made you suspicious.

The last thing he wanted was for you to think he was cheating. Afraid of losing you, he decided to tell you the truth.

You were shocked, of course. 

…But most of all, you were concerned. Knowing how dangerous his work is, and how he risks going to jail or getting killed, you got very worried for him.

It would probably lead to arguments, since you both are so concerned for one another. 

Learning he’s too stubborn to quit, you give up the attempts to convince him.

But he would definitely make promises to you, that he will be careful, and not shut you out.

Jesse wants good communication with his partner, and the two of you would always be honest, and never keep secrets from each other. 

In his free-time, he spends a lot of time with you. 

If you guys don’t share the same interests, that’s ok with him.

He tries being a supportive boyfriend, and you’re the one to decide where to go and what to do. 

This includes small, simple things, such as: Food, movies, music and games.

Even if he’s bored, he’ll try to not show it. (...Although he would fall asleep against you when watching your favourite/”boring” movies)

Date nights include going to loud parties and getting wasted, going to a bar or restaurant etc…

But it can also be “calm” dates - watching movies at home and eating snacks or playing video games. 

This man gets beaten up ALOT. He tries hiding it from you (but fails in every way). You are the one that patches him up and cleans his wounds.

At first, he thought it was embarrassing that his partner had to take care of his wounds, but he grew to like it.

Having you tending him feels good.

…And he loves watching your focused face when you clean his wounds and patch him up if needed.

Jesse also enjoys hearing you mutter threats against the person that beat him up. 

He may be protective over you, but you’re also very protective over him. 

His “enemies” are your enemies. 

When moving to Alaska, you would come with him.

He refused at first, since he was scared that something would go wrong.

But it was the opposite. You both got a fresh new start, and under new identities, you guys could finally have a normal life.

He wants to take things slow, but he also wants to marry you one day.

And eventually start a family too, if you want to. He wants to have children with the person he loves, and be able to give them the life he never had.

He would be such a good dad omg

After all the stress and trauma he’s been through, he just wants to “settle down” and live a calm life together with you. 

He would also want pets lol

I see him as a dog person, so he would definitely, with or without your liking, buy a dog. 

(Going out on long walks at winter with the dog <3)

He has lots of trauma, and has moments where he doubts himself and has breakdowns, but having you around helps him alot.

Of course, you are always there to support him and help him through difficult times. 

…Basically: Your relationship would be so pure, dramatic but sweet.

[jesse-pinko]

Walter White on the phone two hours after calling Jesse a slur and shaking him like a cocktail and telling him go on get out I don’t need you anyway: Jesse if you don’t *hic* cook meth with me I’m gonna kms

[nyasbae]

sleep deprived

pairings: gustavo fring x fem!reader

summary: your boss noticed you’re overworking yourself and decides to do something about it.

a/n: gus got that email rizz

warnings: really messy lol

masterlist

You couldn’t sleep. You couldn’t. Gus had you making ninety pounds worth of meth every week, and due to your partners’ sudden disappearance, you were stuck doing all the work by yourself. You sighed, thinking back to how you got into this position.

You were a just a broke college student, trying to pay off your loans when you you met Jesse. You knew each other back in high school, and now he was your dealer. The two of you became buddies and one day you walked in on him and Walt talking about somebody named Gustavo Fring, the owner of a fast food restaurant with an undercover drug business.

You needed money and you convinced them to let join in. Realizing that the “the more the merrier” shit you had pulled really was just that, shit. After they had taught you the recipe, you ended up doing everything, always.

Gus had put to lines under the deadlines, signifying that if you didn’t get this done in time — there’d be consequences. At the same time you had a lot of due college assignments, and skipping all your lectures. So you practically lived in the lab, sleeping and eating there, until you had no time for either of those things.

You were leaning against the counter with a hand on your jaw, steadying your face. Your eyes shut and light snores coming out of your mouth. As Gus inspected your face, he realized you’d never once look so peaceful as you did in that moment.

“I see you’re getting a lot of work done,” he commented, knowing it’d wake you. Gus needed to talk to you about this. He had cameras everywhere and had been paying very close attention to how much time you’d been spending at the lap. You had your laptop and school books there, a few snacks and amount less cups of coffee.

The sudden sound of his voice startled you as you woke up with a final snore. “Shit– I’m so sorry! I-I didn’t even notice I was, uh’falling asleep” your slurred, your words blurring together due to your grogginess. You looked up at him with lazy eyes.

Gus looked at you through his glasses, his expression as emotionless as usual. You thought you saw a glimpse of emotion in his eyes, though it was probably just your sleep deprivation making you see things. Gustavo Fring doesn’t care for anyone. Especially not some random meth cook who can’t even do her job right… right?

“You should get home and get some rest, ___. Your drowsiness is affecting your work performance.” Stated as a fact, though functioning more as an excuse.

“I can’t, sir! I’ve only made like, half of the meth I was supposed to and–“ you rambled on, but he interrupted you almost instantly. “Stop it, ___! You have done your part. Your partners’s neglect of their responsibilities is not your problem,” as he shushed you, his expression remained the same though his voice got notably more aggressive. “I’ll consider getting you new partners, you’ve mastered the arts of cooking now.” In that moment, you couldn’t be bothered by his comment on your friends; all you wanted to do was go back to sleep.

“Are you absolutely sure? I’ll get back to work as soon as I wake up, I promise!” You insisted, and he shook his head. “No, you’ll have the rest of the week off,” he said. “I value your effort but I cannot have your drowsiness affect my product.” Gus explained while putting a gentle yet firm hand on your shoulder. You eyed the hand and as did he, though he didn’t let go before he you reluctantly agreed.

“Alright, I guess,” you sighed. He smiled professionally as he took out his notebook, scribbling something something. “Fantastic! Write down your email and we can discuss your work ethic further.” He demanded suggested, handing you a note and a pen. You smiled as you messily wrote down your email address and gave it back to him.

When you went to sleep that night all you could think about was your interaction earlier, and how this might’ve been his stiff attempt at flirting with you. Although you figured this could’ve easily been your head playing tricks on you agin.

When you woke up the next morning you noticed a gmail notification. Written bellow a gusfr@gmail.com it read:

Hello, I hope you slept a worthwhile and woke up energetic and better. I suggest we meet up at my restaurant to further discuss our game plan.

Sincerely, Gustavo Fring.

Did Gustavo Fring just ask out out on a date?

[theheisenblog]

Showtime!

Hello everyone, and welcome to the Heisenblog! Before we go any further, I’d like to set up some groundwork and tease what I'm looking to cover!

For those unfamiliar, Breaking Bad follows Walter White, a timid, underdog chemistry teacher who gets hit with a life changing lung cancer diagnosis. Working two jobs to make ends meet and feeling deeply dissatisfied with his prolonged lack of agency in life, he decides to use his chemistry knowledge to synthesize the purest meth on the street in hopes of paying off his treatment (as well as fulfilling more personal needs regarding his ego). He partners with ex-student and delinquent Jesse Pinkman, deeming his knowledge of drug dealing to be valuable for their business operation.

I’m also going to be discussing Better Call Saul, a prequel set four years before the original series that focuses on Jimmy McGill, A.K.A Saul Goodman, Walt’s lawyer who uses underhanded tactics to keep the meth operation afloat. Less explosive than its counterpart, BCS takes a more subdued and psychological approach in its storytelling, detailing the nuances of Jimmy’s transformation into the criminal and comedic lawyer we know him to become. If you’re curious about either series and haven’t watched yourself, my posts should still be digestible, provided you don’t care about spoilers! 

The focus of my blog, as said in the description, will be analyses of the themes, characters, and symbolism of both series. Breaking Bad delves into a range of themes including greed, family, change, identity, and masculinity, with its characters acting as vessels of exploration for such themes. I think my personal favorite to explore is masculinity, due to the real world irony of the show’s fans largely being men who…missed the point. A man provides, “even when he’s not appreciated, or respected” as series antagonist Gus puts it in the episode "Más". But when does the adoption of this outlook dip into toxic masculinity, the over-conformation to masculine stereotypes to the point of destructive behavior?

Another big theme I’m looking to cover is identity, as it strongly permeates both series. BB and BCS oversee a transformation of the protagonists from their original selves (Walter White, Jimmy McGill) into their alter egos (Heisenberg, Saul Goodman). The earliest definition of an alter ego describes a “trusted friend”, though at what point do either character’s alter egos serve them as a friend, versus destroy them from the inside? The etymology of alter ego is derived from Latin: “another I.” In a similar vein, at what point can these alter egos be considered “another,” instead of one in the same with the character’s true self? 

The beginning of Walt’s split identity in particular is cleverly illustrated with the use of a chemistry lesson on chirality, when mirror image compounds are non-superimposable. This is an example of symbolism used to illustrate an overarching theme and to flesh out a character. I find the use of chemistry to be the most interesting, so I’m looking forward to expanding on it.

I’ve gone on long enough for an introduction, but I hope I’ve given an intriguing taste as to what’s to come! Whether you’re a dedicated fan, casual watcher, or just someone passing by, I’ll do my best to make this an enjoyable read!

[l0t4n]

WHAT IF THEY WERE. WALTER WHITE

a/n I have many wips and I am struggling to finish any of them so you get this for now. Also keep in mind I never actually finished the show and I didn't like it anyways I just think the idea is funny. Posting as a buffer for everyone who did not follow for nsfw bc I'm posting it 2nite regardless watch out

Contains TW drugs, references to violence. What it says. Would they do the shit Walter White did in Breaking Bad? The brothers + dateables. Gn mc mentioned once

LUCIFER

-Yeah.

-He would do absolutely all of it step by step, word for word

-Maybe he would not be as mean as Walter is, but he would absolutely give that “I AM. The danger, Skylar” speech

-Just to MC instead

-And Mammon is Jesse

MAMMON

-I think in his head he would like to think he would/could

-Definitely fucking can't though

-Doesn't understand the chemistry even if someone guided him, would definitely fuck up really bad

-Would be in it for the money, would brag about how he'd make an excellent drug kingpin, is lying

-The moment he needs to shoot someone he's running away

LEVIATHAN

-Not a chance bro

-The closest he would get would be filling in the role of Gale

-Even then, that's a stretch

-It's too scary :(( what if all the drug mules think he's cringe

-Yeah sure he did all those illegal things but the police probably wouldn't care so much if he was cooler

-Absolutely not suited for the meth-making lifestyle

SATAN

-Wouldn't do it if it was his life on the line. Would only do it to get back at someone else

-Ruining Lucifer’s reputation by selling illicit substances out of the HoL

-Probably the most suitable for drug manufacturing. Not anything else though

-Would be the most likely to be despised by everyone else in the distribution chain

-It's a high-stress environment and he takes out his anger on all of them

ASMODEUS

-Personal protective equipment is ugly and the meth business is a thankless one. There is no possibility for him to gain fame and attention doing that unless he also wants to go to prison

-Probably finds it kind of gross and messy too

-There are a number of illegal activities that are far better suited for a demon like him and he knows it

BEELZEBUB

-Eats the meth

-The end

BELPHEGOR

-Perhaps unsurprisingly, would likely have both the intelligence and personality to make it work

-But the meth-making process takes forever, and there are so many points where you can accidentally die, so I think he knows better

-Would accidentally fall asleep and melt his skin off his body

-Also has virtually no reason to do it in the first place; isn't hurting for cash like Mammon and doesn't really care about his reputation like Lucifer

DIAVOLO

-Would have trouble grasping the severity of drug manufacturing and dealing

-Might only get into the scheme if coaxed by the promise of friendship

-I do not put it above him to realize that it is also illegal, however

-Albeit he has had his moments of considering himself above the law, which, if anyone is, it's him, so maybe not

-Will bail the moment someone yells at him or pulls a gun on him, whatever happens first

BARBATOS

-Gus

-His moral alignment and motivations are too vague. Either his moral compass is too strong or he would be the best drug kingpin the devildom has ever seen. Maybe both at the same time

-Would get suitably angry if anyone else got involved though

-Money laundering pro. If nothing else is true I know this is canon

SIMEON

-Oh good heavens

-Deary me

-Maybe with his skills in baking he would do well, but you'd need to lie to him about what you're making

-Shocked and appalled when he finds out

-Most everyone else is nice to him though

SOLOMON

-Probably makes illicit substances for his funny evil wizard experiments

-Since it's a form of cooking though the batches always end up terrible

-Meth that makes all your bones turn to jelly and kills you in five days

-Since he is far removed from human matters of mortality and injury, he probably thinks it's funny

-Evil ass

[danganronpa96]

jesse, we need to escape the island jesse, dont let anyone know of our meth empire jesse, dont let anyone know we killed anyone jesse - hypthetical words from our big methman from heaven ( i bet hes fuming bc jesse told natsuki hes killed people)

he is blue because he is ghost. or maybe he is meth