#i need so much energy to get through today 💔

[rose-tinted-kalopsia]

i wake up at 6am like everyday but damn. i've never been sleepier than this ✋

[colormepurplex2]

Shatter With Me | Waving The White Flag

↳ Model!Jungkook x Surrogate!f.Reader ⤜ Surrogacy, Best Friend's Husband ⤜ Rating: MA 🔞 ⤜ WC: 18,286 ⚠️ Crass language, talk of infertility, drinking, very mild bullying and references to cruel behavior/words, talk of surrogacy, at-home medical procedure, genital touching (non-sexual), planned pregnancy, talk of pregnancy termination/abortion, BIG hurt feelings, open palm slapping, accusations of infidelity

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Jungkook

Jungkook never thought he’d be haunted by such a small, seemingly insignificant thing. A tiny pastel pink line. Singular. Just like all the ones before it. He’s lost count of exactly how many, but it’s been years; every month, the same outcome. A singular pink line telling him he’s failed. He knows that’s a bit harsh, but it’s how he’s starting to feel—like a complete and utter failure.

“We’ll try again next month,” Jiyoon offers, dropping the offending piece of plastic in the bathroom trash before giving Jungkook a tight smile.

“Have you given any more thought to trying IVF again?” Jungkook asks hesitantly, knowing that’s a sore subject. But, dammit, he’s not in the proper headspace right now to think better of it.

Jiyoon glares at him, her pouty pink lips drawing taut. “I told you not to ask me that ever again. Now, get out. I’d like to take a shower.” When Jungkook doesn’t immediately move from his perch on the bathroom counter, she tags on a frustrated, “Please.”

Jungkook hops down, his socked feet swishing over the tiled floor as he retreats into the master bedroom. The door forcefully shuts right on his heels, echoing the hollow ache in the center of his chest. He promised himself that if it didn’t happen this time, he’d just try harder next time.

Yet, there is only so much he can do. Pushing any harder might widen the rift slowly forming between him and his wife. Already, Jiyoon spends more time at work than with him. Her glares of irritation any time he seeks intimacy outside of their strict ovulation schedule are like holes being punched into his resolve.

After nearly two years of trying, he sought medical answers a year ago. Jiyoon was quite cross with him when she found out he went to the doctor, but he needed to know if it was his fault they were having trouble conceiving. The numbers were standard, slightly higher than average even. The utter devastation on Jiyoon’s face, he’ll never be able to forget that day. Because if he isn’t the problem…then that means she is.

It’s his fault. He wasn’t even thinking about that potential. Jiyoon hasn’t been the same since. That’s when the schedule came into play. That’s when she started to pour far more energy into waiting for the perfect moment instead of just enjoying their time together.

Jungkook can see the disappointment, the guilt that eats away at her each time that single pink line reveals itself. He wishes more than anything there was a way to change it, something more he could do. Yet, she refuses to consider the option of IVF, not after the horror story she heard from her friend Dani. She refuses to even talk about it.

There has to be another way; he’s just not sure what it might be. Jungkook is at a loss, and it feels like the weight of the world is sitting heavy right between his shoulders. The shower kicks on in the bathroom, and Jungkook decides to busy himself by making Jiyoon a cup of tea for when she gets out. He knows she’ll want to spend some time relaxing before bed, and tea always helps.

💔💔💔

Not a day goes by that you don’t think about your best friend, Jiyoon, and the unfortunate circumstances that have befallen her and her husband. It’s not a secret amongst your peers that they’ve been trying to start a family with no luck for several years. It breaks your heart every time she gives you a shake of her head when you look at her with hopeful eyes.

Today isn’t any different. You’re sitting at your desk, absently clicking through the latest portfolio files you got from Namjoon, when Jiyoon walks by your desk, heading toward hers. She’s half an hour late this morning, something that’s pretty routine every few weeks. It’s like clockwork. You’re aware of the ovulation schedule that she and Jungkook keep and know that she allows herself extra time the morning after taking a test to steel herself against the disappointment that will come from the pitying stares in the office.

You catch her eye as she settles into her desk chair, and she gives you that subtle shake of her head. There is tension in her shoulders, and her bottom lip looks like she’s been chewing on it in irritation, but she turns around and gives you her back before you can think to question her about it.

“Morning, Jiyoon,” Namjoon says as he steps out of his office. Namjoon is also well aware of the unfortunate circumstances surrounding Jiyoon and Jungkook. It’s why he doesn’t hassle her about being late, something you’re endlessly grateful for.

Jiyoon is your only friend, and you are very protective of her. Well, that’s not entirely true. The protective part is, but she’s not technically your only friend. She’s just the longest friend you’ve had and the one you hold closest to your heart—your best friend. Though, even still, everyone else are really just people you know through Jiyoon or from work. Maybe that’s sad, but you don’t mind it.

“Jiyoon!” Dani squeals from the other side of the office. The bubbly, energetic woman flits across the room, looking every inch like a fairy with her blond pixie cut, petite stature, and buttoned nose.

“Oh gosh, hey. Come here!” Jiyoon swings her chair toward Dani as she beckons her forward, letting you catch a glimpse of her profile. There is a smile on her face, but it’s hard to tell whether it’s strained or not. Jiyoon has always been beautiful, with not a single wrinkle or blemish in sight. Looking at her body language, it’s even harder to tell.

Giggles punctuate their whispered words as Dani crouches beside Jiyoon’s chair, their heads pressed close together. You watch as Dani slips something into Jiyoon’s hand before she stands and waggles her brows down at your friend.

“Have fun,” Dani sing-songs as she prances away from Jiyoon’s desk. Her gunmetal eyes meet yours, and her face sours before she disappears beyond your cubicle.

“What’s that?” you ask a beat after she’s gone and before you can curb your curiosity, tinged with mild jealousy. Dani has made it clear before that she doesn’t like you very much, only tolerating you for Jiyoon’s sake. So, it’s no surprise that you don’t find yourself included when it comes to anything involving Dani—it’s something you’ve chalked up to her own jealousy, perhaps at the fact you’ve been Jiyoon’s friend for so long.

Jiyoon flicks her eyes in your direction before stuffing whatever Dani gave her into her purse. “Just some antacids,” she says, giving you a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

All suspicions disappear as you take in the controlled curve of her lips. She looks miserable. “Oh,” is all you can manage before Namjoon calls everyone’s attention to the front of the room.

“Good morning, everyone. Let’s start this week off on the right foot. We have reports to file and new contracts to negotiate…”

You and Jiyoon have always aspired to work for a marketing and media agency together. So, when the opportunity presented itself, you both were elated to land jobs with Kim Exclusives, one of the most popular management companies for up-and-coming artists, models, and influencers.

That was seven years ago, and your time here has only solidified your friendship with Jiyoon. She met her husband, Jungkook, through the agency. He was one of the first models signed to Kim Exclusives, and you and Jiyoon both handled his portfolio and schedule for a year before she had to give you sole leadership over it once they became intimately involved—the whole conflict of interests thing.

“Are we still meeting tonight?” you ask Jiyoon as the day draws to a close. She’s still diligently working away at her computer, and you stand outside her cubicle with your bag on your shoulder.

“Hmm? Oh. Umm, yeah, I guess. I might be a bit late, though.”

You peek over her shoulder. “Is that the new Song profile?”

“Yep,” she pops the end of the word, keying you into thinking she's not in the mood to chat right now.

“Okay, well, I’ll see you guys later then.”

Jiyoon makes a noncommittal sound, already focused back on her work. You miss the days when she would give you more than a few passing words. Even on her good days, it seems like she’s growing further and further away from you. It’s hard not to feel guilty over the bitter and lonely feelings you get when you think about it. It’s not Jiyoon’s fault that you don’t have more close friends to turn to. But sometimes you wish you meant as much to her as she does to you.

As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you mentally kick yourself. It’s not fair for you to think that. You know Jiyoon cares for you; she’s just had a rough few years, and you shouldn’t be making it about yourself.

Feeling truly like a shit friend, you continue to chastise yourself over the next two hours as you commute home and get ready for tonight. Five minutes away from the pub, you consider calling Jiyoon and canceling. But, just as you pull out your phone to do that, someone calls your name from down the sidewalk.

You turn to see Taehyung and Jungkook waving at you from across the street. Well, there goes your intention to cancel.

“Hey! Have you heard from Jiyoon?” Jungkook asks as he and Taehyung jog across the street.

You press your lips into a thin line, confused. “Did she not come home?”

“Ah, no. She said she was working late and that I should just go ahead and meet up with you and Taehyung. She’s, uh, well, she’s not answering my calls. We—this morning…sorry, just, have you talked to her?”

Doing your best to keep your eyes on his, you give him an honest answer, “She was still working when I left the office. I haven’t heard from her since.” Losing the battle against your will, your eyes sweep over your best friend’s husband. He’s just as gorgeous as he always has been. His hair is a little longer than the last time you saw him, licking at the collar of his denim jacket. As the lead on his contract, you know he recently landed a massive campaign with a new clothing company, their emblem stitched onto the breast of the coat. Jungkook looks every inch the model he is; his friend no less so.

“Hey! Happy Birthday!” Taehyung greets you as your eyes swing to him.

Warm embarrassment kisses your cheeks. You hate your birthday; you hate being the center of attention. “Thanks,” you murmur, giving him a tight smile.

“Oh, yeah, happy birthday,” Jungkook tacks on. He rubs the back of his neck, giving you an apologetic look. “Should we go ahead and go inside?”

“Yeah, sure.” As Taehyung leads the way inside, you type out a quick text to Jiyoon asking how long she’ll be.

Thirty minutes later, you’re sitting in a mildly withdrawn personal bubble of silence as Jungkook and Taehyung chat about work and sip on fingers of liquor. You’re normally not so silent with them, as they have been clients of yours for years but you’ve also grown to think of them as friends. It’s just you have a lot on your plate right now, Namjoon just added three new clients to your work portfolio, putting you at juggling almost a dozen. You don’t mind the added workload, it helps keep you busy, but it does mean you have to switch around your schedule a great deal and have less time to spend with Jungkook and Taehyung who are two of the longest portfolios you’ve managed. They have a joint ad campaign coming up for the whiskey they’re sampling right now and are trying to decide if they actually like it or not.

Over the years, you've learned that advertisements are just that—a cleverly crafted piece of media to highlight a product. The models in a hamburger ad could very well be vegan, but they’re paid to make you believe otherwise. So, even if they decide they don’t like the whiskey, money will say they do.

Taehyung is a bit newer to Kim Exclusives, a model by complete accident. He came into the office once with Jungkook, just friends hanging out with each other, and the moment Namjoon saw him, he had to have him. A few weeks later, Taehyung was added to the roster of elite models under Kim Exclusives, booking just as well as any veteran.

“It’s a little too smokey for me, I think,” Taehyung comments. “What do you think?” he asks, setting his glass on the table and startling you out of your thoughts.

“What?” You blink up at him, totally lost.

“Give it a taste.” He taps the rim of the glass. “Tell me what you think,” he encourages, pushing the glass closer to where your hands are clasped together on the table.

You don’t really want to try the whiskey, but the expectant looks on Taehyung and Jungkook’s faces make you pick up the glass and take a tentative sip. It burns across your tongue, coating your throat in a fiery, smokey blend of burnt spices. The flavor sits like ash in your mouth.

“It’s, uh…”

“Not great, right?” Jungkook gives you a lopsided grin, his shoulders stretching the seams of his jean jacket as he shrugs. “It’s okay to be honest about it.”

You slide the glass back across the tabletop toward Taehyung. “Yeah, it’s not great. It might be better on ice, but I’m not a big drinker, so I think it’s hard for me to judge it fairly.”

They both seem satisfied with this response and resume their conversation about the whiskey and the new campaign. You check your phone, wondering where Jiyoon could possibly be. There is no response to your text.

You’re picking at the frayed edge of the paper coaster that’s slowly growing waterlogged from the condensation dripping down your glass of ice water when Taehyung taps on the table in front of you, trying to capture your attention.

“Isn’t that right?” he asks.

“Sorry. Is what right?” You feel heat bloom in your cheeks at being caught not paying attention yet again.

“You’re healthy.”

That statement has confusion replacing your embarrassment. “Healthy?”

“Let me backtrack,” Taehyung says, leaning back in his seat and throwing an arm over the back of Jungkook’s chair.

“Taehyung, really, this isn’t the time—”

“Ahem,” Taehyung interrupts Jungkook’s protest. “Hypothetically speaking, if your best friend and her husband were to inquire of you about the possibility of surrogacy, what would you say?”

The dots aren’t connecting for you, and his blunt question makes you feel like you missed something important. “Surrogacy?” You don’t mean to sound like a broken record, repeating what Taehyung is saying, but you’re thoroughly having a tough time understanding.

“Listen, you don’t have to answer that,” Jungkook states, shaking his head at Taehyung and giving him a pleading look that says to stop while he’s ahead.

“Are you and Jiyoon looking into a surrogate?” you ask; everything suddenly clicks into place, and the question tumbles from your lips before you can stop it. 

Jungkook grips the back of his neck and grumbles something incoherent towards Taehyung before he blows out a heavy breath and his eyes slowly rise to meet yours. “Not exactly, no. We haven’t talked about it yet. It’s just something I read about today. But, honestly, you don’t have to answer the question. Taehyung is just being a dick—”

“I’d do it.”

Your response leaves Jungkook with his mouth open and jaw slack as he stares at you in bewilderment.

“See, I told you. She’s perfect. Young, healthy, and someone you know and can trust,” Taehyung tots off, waving a finger in the air.

“Wait…are you serious?” Jungkook asks, pointedly ignoring Taehyung.

You’ve never considered being a mom before, at least not in that sense. It was always an assumption that it wouldn’t be in the cards for you—the whole lack of a love life thing being the crux of it. You’ve barely had a handful of boyfriends, much less a long-term commitment that would lead to a family. But, when it comes to Jiyoon, you’d do just about anything for her. So, if she asked you to carry a baby for her, you know, without a doubt, you’d do it.

“Y-yeah. Yes,” you state with more confidence. “I’d do that.”

Before Jungkook can respond, Jiyoon bustles in through the bar's front door, her lilting laughter drawing everyone’s attention. She has her phone pressed to her ear, and she’s smiling at whatever the person she’s speaking to is saying.

“Okay, yeah. Tomorrow sounds great. See you then,” Jiyoon says before ending the call and pocketing her phone. “Oh, Taehyung is here.” It’s a bland statement, Jiyoon’s eyes flicking over Jungkook’s best friend before landing on her husband. “Did you order me a drink already?”

Jungkook clears his throat, trying to compose himself before speaking. “Babe, hey. Um, no, I wasn’t sure when you’d get here. You weren’t responding to any of my calls or texts.”

Jiyoon slides into the empty seat beside you, across from Jungkook, and gives you a quick smile before wrinkling her nose in his direction. “I’ll take a glass of red.”

“Oh-kay,” Jungkook says slowly, a look of confusion ghosting over his features. “Where have you been?”

“Hmm? Oh, just busy with work,” Jiyoon says. “Wine, please, Jungkook.” His only response is a tight press of his lips before he stands up and disappears in the direction of the bar. Jiyoon clicks her tongue and angles herself to look at you. “You’re not drinking?” she asks, eyeing the glass of water on the table in front of you.

“Um, no. You know I don’t—”

“I know, you’re boring,” Jiyoon sighs. The only thing taking the sting out of her words is the smile she gives you. You know Jiyoon isn’t exactly what people would call a nice person; in fact, she’s often coined as a ‘mean girl.’ But she’s never been intentionally mean to you, not really. She just provides constructive criticism and encouragement to be the best version of yourself that you can be.

“Way to be a bitch to her on her birthday, Jiyoon,” Taehyung mumbles into his whiskey glass before tossing it back and downing the rest.

Jiyoon winces and then plasters a smile on her face before saying, “Right, happy birthday.”

“Yeah, thanks.” You make your best attempt at nonchalance, but you’re not sure it lands properly as Taehyung shakes his head, and Jiyoon sighs again.

“I forgot, okay? It’s been so busy at work and with—uh,” she pauses for just a second, and any other time you might not have noticed, but you can’t help but pick up on the way she rushes to continue, “the new client that you know Namjoon has been breathing down my neck over. The Harper portfolio, you know the one? And apparently, the Song profile needs to be redone on top of that.”

Jiyoon has been different lately. You’re aware that she took over one of the new higher-end clients, some big hot-shot movie star or something like that, but it’s almost made her seem like she thinks she’s above everyone else. It makes things tense sometimes like everyone is on edge when she comes around. You try to ignore it, for the sake of tonight. “It’s okay, Jiyoon, really.”

“Anyway, how are things going? It’s been a few weeks since we last talked about something other than work.”

Yeah, because every time you turn around Jiyoon is spending time with Dani or has a client meeting. You shrug. “Okay, I guess.”

Taehyung pipes up in the silence that follows, “We were actually just talking about surroga—”

“Red wine for my wife, another whiskey for Tae, the good stuff this time, and a pina colada for the birthday girl. Virgin, I made sure. I know you don’t like to drink alcohol,” Jungkook interrupts Taehyung, passing out the cluster of drinks in his hands.

You stare up at Jungkook, lips slightly parted as you try to think of the proper response, completely taken off guard by his gesture. Finally, you lamely offer, “Oh, uh, you didn’t have to, but thanks.”

“Nonsense. It’s your birthday, you deserve a little treat, and I know you like pineapple.” Jungkook settles back into his seat, and you try to keep your eyes off your best friend's husband. But it’s hard with how his hair falls into his face, and the denim hugs his shoulders as he relaxes against the back of his chair.

“Ew,” Jiyoon gags dramatically, startling your attention in her direction. “Is that a jacket from the shoot today?” She gestures at Jungkook, the distaste apparent on her face. “I know they didn’t dress you in that. What were they thinking?”

Jungkook frowns, staring down at the oversized light-wash jean jacket. “You don’t like it?” he asks.

Jiyoon scoffs, “It looks ridiculous, you look ridiculous. What the hell did you do to your hair? A mullet, really? It’s a wonder you’re a model. You were okay with this?” The last part is directed at you, because, as the lead on his profile, you’re the one who signed off on the hair and makeup for the shoot.

“Hey now,” Taehyung states loud enough to quiet the table; he’s clearly not having any of Jiyoon’s antics tonight, long work day or not. “Keep your petty bullshit opinions for when you’re at home. Tonight isn’t about you or how handsome my best friend is in his jean jacket and new hairstyle.” You can tell he intentionally calls Jungkook his best friend instead of Jiyoon’s husband as an extra jab.

“I never said he wasn’t handsome,” she grumbles, rolling her eyes before looking at Jungkook and sighing. “Sorry, dear, I’m just under a lot of stress. You know I didn’t mean it.” Her eyes flick to yours. “I know it’s not your fault.” You just give her a subtle shake of your head, not sure how to respond.

Clearing his throat, Jungkook smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, and tries to move the conversation along. “It’s okay. Let’s just focus on why we’re here tonight.” He swings his eyes toward you, his smile becoming genuine, and begins to loudly belt out Happy Birthday, much to your dismay. This draws the attention of everyone else in the bar and earns you a generous round of applause when the singing finally fades.

You try to enjoy the rest of your night, but every time Jungkook catches you staring at him, you can’t help but feel a small spike of guilt; guilt over the perhaps tiny, mostly insignificant, completely harmless crush you might, perhaps, maybe have on your best friend’s husband.

It’s hard not to be attracted to him; Jiyoon knows that—she flaunts that fact. She also knows her claws are deep in him, and he’s not going anywhere. Jungkook would pull down the moon for her and then ask if she wanted the sun, too. You swallow down the last of your pina colada, eyes once again locked on Jungkook as he throws his head back and laughs at something Taehyung said.

Jiyoon presses her arm against yours, leaning in close to you. In a soft voice meant only for you, she whispers, “He really is perfect, isn’t he?”

“Hm? Who?”

“Don’t play coy with me,” she giggles drunkenly. “I know you were staring at him. My husband.”

You shrug. “I wasn’t staring.”

Jiyoon sighs wistfully. “It’s okay to stare, I don’t mind. I know what he looks like, after all. He’s so beautiful when he’s happy. I wish I could give him what he wants, he’d be the perfect father…I’m so scared to lose him.” The last part is whispered, so soft it’s hard to hear.

Instantly, your guilt turns into something else: resolve. You can’t bear the defeat you hear in her voice. It’s not something you can even begin to fathom—what she and Jungkook are going through. It’s no wonder she has caustic words at times. You meant what you said earlier, what you told Jungkook you were willing to do. With that in mind, you make a mental note to start researching and do what you can to make sure at least someone gets a happy ending here.

💔💔💔

Jungkook

The night of your birthday kept playing over and over again in Jungkook’s head the days that followed. Now, just as evening is rolling around, one week later, he can’t stop thinking about what you said, your confirmation. On top of that, that night was probably the most fun Jungkook has had in a long time—as long as he excludes the prickly start after Jiyoon arrived. He’s used to her snide and biting remarks after a long work day. Brushing them to the side and sweeping them away is usually easy.

But for some reason—perhaps it was the high he was riding after your confession and confirmation—it bothered him that she was doing it in front of Taehyung—in front of you. As if somehow her criticisms might make you both believe them. Not that he cares about being good-looking to Taehyung, or you for that matter, not really. It’s just that his first thought was what if that made you change your mind? Not necessarily whether or not he’s attractive, but the exchange as a whole. What if Jiyoon’s blatant criticisms made you want to change your mind because it somehow planted doubt in your mind that they’re a happy and healthy environment for a child?

“Jungkook.” The frustrated snap of his name brings him out of his thoughts. His eyes focus on the bathroom mirror once more, on Jiyoon, who is standing behind him with her hands on her hips, accentuating the flattering cut of the navy-colored dress she’s wearing. “Are you even listening to me?”

Turning and leaning back against the counter, Jungkook gives her his full attention. “Uh, yeah, sorry. You were talking about having dinner with a client tonight, and you’re leaving now to meet with Dani so you can get some files.”

“Yes,” she says, her lips twitching in mild surprise, and Jungkook knows she was expecting him not to have been paying attention. “I don’t know how long the dinner will last, so don’t wait up for me. It’s likely I’ll be home late.” She turns to go back into the bedroom, and Jungkook isn’t sure what possesses him, but he surges forward and gently snags her wrist, turning her back toward him. “Uh?” she makes a sound of mild questioning irritation.

“I have something I need—er, want—to talk to you about. It should only take a moment.”

She shakes his hold off her wrist and gives him a placating smile. “Okay, well, talk while I finish getting ready at least.” Not waiting to see if he follows, she disappears into the bedroom and heads to the closet, rummaging through her jewelry.

“Okay, um. Okay,” Jungkook stumbles over his words, feeling like he’s under pressure for some reason. “So, the other night, it was brought up in conversation, and uh, she already agreed, and it’s just that, well, there’s this thing called intracervical insemination and…how do you feel about surrogacy?”

There is a heavy pause, dread threatening to make Jungkook backpedal and eat his words just to snatch them back out of the air. Jiyoon glances at him over her shoulder, but he can’t get a clear read on her eyes. “What? Oh, yeah, sure,” she says, turning back to her digging.

Jungkook can’t tell whether Jiyoon is the one paying attention to him now, so he probes further, just to be clear. “You mean that? You’re okay with going the surrogacy route? My sperm, her egg…your best friend carrying our baby?”

Jiyoon’s back is to Jungkook, but he watches how her shoulders slide up in a shrug. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m not sure, it’s just that with ICI—”

“Look, Jungkook,” Jiyoon says, turning to face him fully. Her fingers work at slipping a pair of silver hoops into her earlobes. “I trust you.” She says the words slowly, keeping her eyes intently locked on his. “I know you’ll do your best for us. Whatever you want, it’s what I want, too. You know that.”

“Well, um, do you have any questions? We should talk…discuss this, er, something. I know how you feel about IVF. I want to make sure this is an option you truly want, and you’re not just saying this to make me happy. You should take some more time to think about it.” The fact she’s so quick to agree makes Jungkook question whether or not he’s hearing what he thinks he’s hearing.

Jiyoon cups one of his cheeks, gently thumbing over his bottom lip. “I don’t need time to think, because I’ve already thought about it. I—well, I was going to bring it up to you soon, but I wanted to do a bit more research first.”

“Wait, what? Really? You were thinking about ICI, too?” Jungkook swallows hard, leaning into his wife's warm touch.

“Yeah,” she whispers, her soft smile making her eyes twinkle and his heart melt.

Jungkook can’t help letting his eyes drink in his wife. They might have been going through rough patches the last few years, but that hasn’t lessened how he feels about her. Jungkook has always found her strikingly beautiful, with long legs and shiny hair that he loves to run his fingers through. But at this moment, he feels like he might burst with the love he has for her.

“Yeah? Okay. Okay,” he tries to suppress the emotion in his words. “Okay, perfect. I love you. I love you so much!”

Jiyoon laughs, and it sounds magical, as Jungkook sweeps her into his arms and plants a kiss on her lips. “Don’t smear my lipstick, please,” she mumbles, her voice light and playful.

“Go have a good dinner, secure the client, and don’t worry about anything else,” Jungkook bubbles happily, setting Jiyoon back on her feet. “I swear I’ll take care of it all. Everything will be perfect, absolutely perfect.”

An hour later, Jungkook walks up to your apartment door. He couldn’t stop himself earlier, so he immediately texted you and asked to see you as soon as Jiyoon left for Dani’s.

The door swings open before he can knock, revealing you standing there breathless and in a set of purple checkered pajamas. “Is everything okay?” you ask, worry lines creasing between your brows. “Your text sounded urgent.”

“Oh.” Jungkook feels terrible for making you concerned. He didn’t mean for it to come off like that. “No, I mean, yes, everything is okay. But, no, it’s not exactly urgent. Sorry for that. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

You lean against the doorframe, eyes wide on his. “What is it?”

“Er, uh, do you mind if I come in? This is more of a sit-down kind of conversation.”

The little ‘o’ your lips form is far cuter than Jungkook has a right to think it is. His mind instantly latches onto it, wondering if the baby would have your lips or his. “O-okay, sure, come on in.”

Jungkook has visited your apartment a handful of times over the years. It’s quaint and cozy, exactly what he’d imagine for you. There are books everywhere, shelves full of thick and thin volumes of literary prose. A few art pieces decorate the walls, along with dozens and dozens of black-and-white photos in simple frames. He stirs up the recollection that you enjoy photography in your spare time.

“Sorry, again, about my text. I didn’t mean to worry you, really.” Jungkook feels nervous, unsure where to stand or even sit, until you gesture toward the couch. A handful of well-loved decorative pillows are scattered across the burgundy suede. He settles at one end as you take the other, looking at him expectantly.

A beat or two passes, and Jungkook feels like he’s about to swallow his tongue until you open your mouth, clearly picking up on his distress. “Is it something with work? I can try to fix whatever it is first thing in the morning—”

“No, no,” Jungkook holds up a hand, shaking his head. “It’s not work. It’s um, it’s actually Jiyoon. Well, me and her, specifically.”

You pull your knees up and tuck your feet underneath yourself. “Oh, okay.”

“Were you serious about what you said the other night?” Jungkook blurts, figuring it’s best, like ripping off a bandaid.

Your bottom lip has an indent left from where you tucked it between your teeth before nodding. “Yes.” Jungkook didn’t necessarily expect you to say no, but the rush of relief he feels at hearing that encourages him to press on.

“I talked with Jiyoon about it today and she—we—would be honored if you’d do that for us. If you’d give us a chance at having a family. It’s…it’s something we both, deeply, deeply desire. If you’re truly serious about it, we’ll take care of everything, all medical expenses, bills, anything…just name it, it’s yours.”

“That’s—okay, okay, yes. Yes, I’ll do it. Just tell me what I need to do.”

Jungkook whoops loudly, jumping up from the couch, and drags you into his arms for a bear hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I can’t even begin to explain what this means to me, to us. This is…I can’t…oh my, I need to—wait, okay. Sorry, let me calm down for a second.” The word vomit is real, and Jungkook uses his hold on you to ground himself, moving his hands to your shoulders and locking his eyes on yours. “I think I might pass out,” he whispers a second before bursting into a giddy laugh.

“Whoa, um, sit down. Please don’t pass out on me. You’re too big for me to catch!” Your frantic words make him laugh even harder.

He shakes his head, on cloud nine. “I’m kidding, kind of. I just feel…I feel so light, like—well, it doesn’t matter about that. What matters is you. Please don’t feel obligated to do this. That’s the last thing I want. If you are serious, I can send all the information you need to you in the morning. But only if you’re certain.”

“Jungkook,” the way you say his name makes his heart thump heavy in his chest as if his fate hinges on whatever comes next. “I am serious. I promise. I want to do this for you, for Jiyoon…I want to give you both the happiness you deserve.”

“Thank you,” Jungkook says fervently, never meaning something more in his life.

This happiness carries Jungkook through the rest of the evening, turning into a brilliant flame of intimacy when Jiyoon crawls into bed beside him hours later. For the first time in a long time, there is no schedule, no waiting for the perfect moment; it’s just the love shared between two souls celebrating the joys of life.

💔💔💔

The following day, several emails from Jungkook are waiting for you; Jiyoon CC’d on them all, as well as a few texts to check in. The idea that you could possibly be pregnant in the coming weeks or months—not just pregnant, but pregnant with Jungkook’s baby for your best friend—still feels a bit surreal.

You texted Jiyoon last night, expressing to her how much she means to you and that you’re honored she wants it to be you that helps her fulfill her dreams of having a family. She hasn’t replied yet, but that doesn’t bother you; she’s probably busy helping Jungkook with planning.

There is an entire email dedicated to medical referrals. Apparently, Jungkook spent hours pouring over all the local doctors and medical facilities vetting to find the best ones. Each has notes and suggestions under them, along with all the information you might need to call and make an appointment.

That’s really all you need to do: make an appointment for a check-up. Taehyung made an assumption of your health last night, but it doesn’t hurt to be sure. The last thing you’d want to do is be in poor health and unable to keep your word.

Your fingers tremble as you dial the numbers, and you have to take a few shallow breaths to get your voice to work properly. Minutes later, you have an appointment scheduled for later this week. Now, all you have to do is figure out how you’re going to wait the next few days and not burst from anticipation. It’s a slow few days.

Apparently, by Googling every possible thing you can think of about being a surrogate and pregnancies. Along with the emails full of information, by the time you’re walking into the clinic for your appointment at the end of the week, you feel confident asking questions.

“Being a surrogate is a pretty serious situation. Have you considered all the possibilities and what might be required of you?” The doctor has a pleasant demeanor; her eyes are intense yet kind. It might be the steel-colored strands scattered through her hair or the wrinkles that deepen around her eyes when she smiles, but you feel comfortable opening up to her.

You roll your lips between your teeth before saying, “Honestly? Probably not as much as most surrogates. I’m sure there are things I’m not aware of yet. It was only presented to me a few days ago. But I have done some extensive reading and soul-searching, and I know it’s what I want.”

Dr. Lee contemplates you for a moment before nodding. “Yes, I believe you do. Let’s get started, shall we?”

It’s not uncomfortable going through all the tests and procedures. There isn’t much the doctor does that you haven’t done before. Samples are taken, and a routine exam is performed. As you leave, the nurse tells you you should have results within the next two weeks.

Thankfully, the results come at the beginning of the following week. You’re sitting at your desk at work, reviewing the final details for the whiskey campaign Jungkook and Taehyung are shooting in a few days, when you get the notification that your results are viewable on your patient portal. A moment before you click into the email, your phone buzzes in your pocket.

“Hello?” you whisper, cupping your hand around the base of your phone and mouth. A nurse rattles off your information, ensuring she speaks to the right person. “Yes, speaking.”

“I just wanted to let you know that all of your results are in, and Dr. Lee has signed off on your request to move forward with the surrogacy…” Everything else the nurse says is a bit hazy. She covers the numbers for your tests and where to find resources for more information on at-home intracervical insemination. “Do you have any questions for me? Ma’am, are you still there?”

“Oh, umm, yes, sorry. No questions, thank you so much.”

The line disconnects, and you sit there for a few more moments, the phone still held to your ear, as you try to process the giddy feeling bubbling up inside you. You need to tell Jiyoon, Jungkook, someone…anyone. Pushing up from your desk, you scan the area around you for your best friend and come up empty.

“Hello?” Jungkook answers on the second ring.

“Jungkook.”

“Oh, hey. Everything okay?”

“What? Oh. Yes. Yes, everything is okay. Everything is perfect. Do you know where Jiyoon might be? I haven’t seen her since she came into the office this morning.” You rack your brain, trying to remember if you saw her leave or go into another room.

“Yeah, she called a little while ago and said that Namjoon was having her meet one of the new clients for lunch to sign some more papers.”

“Right, that’s right,” you say, recalling that Namjoon asked her to come into his office shortly after she arrived this morning.

“Why? What’s up?”

You drag a slow, shallow breath into your lungs in an effort to slow your rapidly beating heart. “I heard back from the doctor.”

Jungkook urges you to continue, “Yeah? What did they say? Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

“I’m…I’m great. I’m perfect. I’m—I, I can do it. We can do it. There’s a chart,” you explain, wedging your phone between your ear and your shoulder to free your hands so you can pull up the email you got and forward it to him. “It has an estimated schedule and recommendations on timing for the best results. I just sent everything over to you.”

“I got it. Wow. Okay. Wow. Oh my…wow! I need to call Jiyoon. Fuck. Oh my god. Okay, thank you! I’ll call you back later, okay?” The line disconnects after Jungkook says a hurried goodbye, the elation in his voice evident.

According to the doctor's ovulation chart, the best time for you to begin trying is next week. Conception is most likely during a twenty-four-hour period. On your way home, you stop and pick up an ovulation testing kit so you can remain on track.

You arrive home filled with nervous energy, unable to stop smiling as you unpack the things you picked up at the pharmacy. A large box of pregnancy tests goes beside the ovulation kit in your medicine cabinet, along with a pack of medical gloves and hand sanitizer. You’re not sure what you’ll need, exactly, but you figure it’s better to have it and not need it than the other way around.

“Jiyoon!” you gush, swiping to answer the call coming in on your phone. “Hi!”

“Hey, I just got off the phone with Jungkook.” There is a lot of background noise, and it’s hard to hear her clearly.

“Oh, wonderful! I got the results today. There is a possibility of next week being—”

A loud laugh cuts through from Jiyoon’s end, the added clang of dishes drowning you out further. “Sorry, I’m still at dinner. Next week, you say? I’ll be going on a business trip the whole of next week, Namjoon wants me to travel with a client for a go-see.”

Disappointment drags at your shoulders and has your smile softening into a frown. You suppose it can wait a few more weeks. “Okay, no problem. That will give us time to plan a bit more anyway.”

“Sure thing!” Jiyoon yells, the line cutting out momentarily. “I’ll catch you later. I can’t wait to see you when I get back. Thank you. I love you so much!”

“Okay, yeah, love you—” The line goes dead before you can finish. “Love you, too,” you murmur into the quiet of your apartment.

A minor setback. But it’s okay; you’re sure you were getting ahead of yourself anyway. Taking a few weeks to confirm things and actually come up with a game plan is probably for the better. But it doesn’t hurt to start doing that now. Letting the smile that hadn’t left your face most of the day slide back onto your lips, you continue setting up everything in your bathroom so it’ll be there for when you do need it.

It turns out you don’t have to wait—at least, according to Jungkook. From the constant flood of text messages you’ve gotten from him over the last few days, as much as Jiyoon would love to be there to help, she’s given her blessing to proceed with the ICI without her. In her own words, via a text you got last night, there will be plenty more for her to be present for, and she’s far too excited for you to wait for her to return.

Jiyoon has been relatively quiet, but Jungkook explained in delicate words that she’s okay; she just has a lot on her plate right now. Even though it may seem like she’s on the outside, it’s more that this is a very sensitive topic for Jiyoon. Despite wanting a child, ICI is nearly as taboo a subject as IVF when it comes to Jiyoon; you know this. She’s told you how much it makes her feel like a failure. So, you’re content when Jungkook takes full responsibility for the surrogacy journey and has promised to be there for you every step of the way, including coming over to your place tonight to help you with the first ICI attempt.

You’ve been testing your ovulation each morning, and the positive test strip in your bathroom trash has started a full-tilt, day-long extravaganza. It’s a Thursday, just a few days after you got your green light from the doctor, meaning you were able to leave work early and are now sitting on your couch waiting patiently for Jungkook to arrive.

All your research and reading about ICI makes you nervous about what’s to come. It’s not that you’re going to be explicitly intimate with Jungkook, but you’re well aware of the fact that fresh sperm samples, as in within a thirty-minute window, are the best. Which means, he’s going to have to somehow provide the sample while he’s here.

The idea of Jungkook masturbating in your bathroom should feel awkward or perhaps embarrassing to think about, yet you’re oddly comfortable with it. It’s a natural thing, something necessary to create something that’s going to be beautiful.

By the time Jungkook knocks on your door, your hands are clammy, and it takes you two tries to get the handle to turn. He greets you with a giant smile and shining eyes, absolutely breathtaking.

“Hi,” he breathes.

“Hi,” you parrot, unable to contain from reflecting the smile still on his face. “Please, come on in.”

“Thanks.” Jungkook steps past you, and the soft fragrance of his laundry detergent catches in your nose. “I brought everything we need,” he says, holding up a bag. He’s wearing the same denim jacket he was the other night, a white T-shirt underneath above a pair of worn, light-washed jeans, and black boots on his feet that he toes off before heading into your living room.

“Can I get you anything to drink or maybe something to eat? Have you had dinner yet?” You’re not sure how this is going to go, if it’s just going to be a clinical experience or something more comfortable between friends. Because you are friends, right? At this point, you should consider him more than just your best friend’s husband; he should at least be seen as a friend of yours, too.

Jungkook deposits the bag on your couch and turns to look at you. “Um, maybe if you had some beer or something, but I know you don’t drink—” There is a nervous energy to the way he’s talking, words coming out a little too quickly “—so, er, maybe just some water is fine.”

“Actually,” you say, hurrying into the kitchen and opening the fridge, “I got, well, is this okay?” You hold up a 6-pack of beer you bought on a whim a few nights ago. It’s true that you don’t really drink, but you weren’t thinking of yourself at the time that you bought it. In actuality, you were thinking of Jungkook, knowing he’s partial to this brand, and figured…well, you’re not sure what you figured, you bought it before you could give it too much thought.

The corner of Jungkook’s mouth lifts, his smile turning into a light smirk. “Wow, my favorite. I’d love to, but actually, I’m not sure if I should, no matter how nervous I am right now…not until after, at least. I haven’t read anything about how alcohol might impact things, but I’ve not had a drop of alcohol to drink nor a bite of junk food in the last week, just in case.”

“Oh, right. Of course, I should have thought about that.”

“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t thinking either, I haven’t been able to think about much at all, if I’m being honest,” Jungkook laughs nervously, one of his hands rubbing at the back of his neck. “Is this weird? Are you sure you want to do this?”

It is weird, but not in a bad way, and you don’t want to admit that because you don’t want him to worry. So, you simply smile and shake your head. “It’s not all that weird, it’s…well, just not weird. I am nervous,” you decide to give him at least that. “I’m worried that it might not work, or that I might do something wrong.”

“W-what do you think you might do wrong?” Jungkook asks, moving closer to you. “I’ve…I’ve read a lot about the how, I even got an informational video from my doctor.”

You can feel heat crawling up your neck. “I’m not sure, exactly. I guess just the whole process in general.”

There is a beat where you can see Jungkook contemplating his words. He chews on his bottom lip, eyes unfocused for a moment before returning to you. “I could help if you want. Purely in a platonic, helpful way, no funny business, I swear.”

“Um, I don’t know if that…uh, I can try first, maybe?” You can’t seem to swallow past the thick knot in your throat at the thought of asking Jungkook to help assist you in…well, that.

“Sure, okay. Should we…get started?” Jungkook asks, his eyes flicking back to the bag he dropped on your couch. 

Your stomach flips at his words. “Yeah,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, feeling suddenly even more shy than usual.

“Great.” Jungkook claps his hands together before retrieving the bag from the couch. “I have everything we need. It's probably best if we begin this in the bathroom.”

Your apartment has one bathroom, which is joined to the bedroom but is still accessible through the hallway. Jungkook leads the way down the hall, flicking on the light inside the bathroom before stepping aside to let you in as well.

“Have you talked with Jiyoon?” you ask, seeking something to fill the silence as you watch him unpack everything from the bag and arrange it on the bathroom counter.

Jungkook shakes his head in a so-so manner. “I spoke with her for a few minutes earlier to let her know the plan for tonight. She couldn’t talk long and it was hard to hear with all the background noise, but she’s excited and said she can’t wait to be back at the end of the week.”

After washing his hands, Jungkook opens up the packet of a large sterile pad and spreads it out across the rest of the counter. From the research you’ve done, you recognize some of the things he begins to set out. There is a collection cup with an orange screw-on lid, a large syringe with a hose attaching it to a bulbous silicone mushroom-shaped plug, and several single-use packets of water-based lube. He also sets out a box of pregnancy tests, giving you a sheepish smile when you raise an eyebrow at it.

“I, uh, bought some, too,” you say, opening the medicine cabinet to show him the large box of pregnancy tests sitting between your ovulation test kit and your toothbrush.

Jungkook smiles. “I guess we’re on the same wavelength, huh?”

You have to stop yourself from leaning too far into the unusual, yet enticingly warm and appealing, feeling you get when he smiles like that. Clearing your throat, you gesture to the spread of tools. “What now?”

“I think we should discuss a game plan, make sure we know what to do and when to do it. There are some things I’ve read online, plus the directions in this pamphlet,” he says, slipping a folded paper from the box the inseminator came in.

Leaning in, you try to read the step-by-step process written on the paper over Jungkook’s shoulder. He shifts, steps closer to you, and angles the pamphlet to make it easier for you to see.

“Step one, collect the sample. Step two, transfer the sample into the syringe. Step three, insert the silicone plug into the…v-vagina,” you choke over the word, feeling heat licking up your neck, “as close to the cervix as possible. Step four, depress the plunger to administer the sample.”

“Seems pretty simple, right?”

You’re not sure you’d say simple. Sure, step by step, it looks pretty straightforward, but you seem to be responsible for the most challenging part, and that makes you even more nervous than before. “Yeah, simple.”

“Give me a few minutes, I need to—uh,” he points to the sample cup. “I’ll, you know.”

“Oh, right, right, of course. I’ll just—" you hook a thumb over your shoulder towards the door that leads to your bedroom ”—wait in there.”

It’s hard not to pace around your bedroom as you wait. You try to stick to the far side of your bedroom, not wanting to come too close to the bathroom and overhear anything you shouldn’t. The fact your best friend’s husband is in your bathroom masturbating is a weird enough revelation, albeit a necessary one for the ICI procedure; you’d still rather afford him some privacy.

After three minutes, you stop counting the seconds that pass, realizing that means you’re counting how long it takes for Jungkook to produce the sample. Which is something you’re vehemently trying to avoid thinking about so casually.

The bathroom door opening startles you, stopping you in your tracks. Jungkook clears his throat. “Ready?”

You move over to the bathroom. “I think so.”

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. You can do this and don’t forget, I’ll be here if you need any help, promise. Purely for help, for the process.” Jungkook swipes a finger in an x over his chest. “Cross my heart.”

“You’re right,” you say, trying to bolster your own confidence. “I can do this.”

You step past Jungkook and into the bathroom, but his hand on your arm pulls you up short. “Wait, wait. Would you feel more comfortable doing it in your room? It’s just that I’ve read it’s best if you could lay on your back with your hips elevated for fifteen to thirty minutes after.” He nods at your bed. “More comfortable than the bathroom floor.”

The idea of doing this on your bed crosses a line, taking this from a medical process to something far more intimate. “Maybe just a pillow,” you say, grabbing one of the decorative throw pillows you never seem to remember to put back on your bed but keep in a small pile on the floor instead.

“Okay.” Jungkook gives you a small smile, and it makes his eyes look soft and bright. The kind of smile you hope you can help him bestow onto a baby.

You leave the door unlocked, just in case you need his help. In your bathroom, there is no evidence of Jungkook's actions other than the very full sample cup sitting on the medical pad covering the counter.

The cup is warm to the touch, which is startling, though you know it shouldn’t be. Placing the pillow down on the floor, you shimmy your pants and panties down your legs and step out of them. There is a lingering scent in the bathroom; it’s a mix of Jungkook’s cologne but also of something clinical. You realize there are two empty packets of lube in your trashcan, and you can’t help the image that pieces itself together in your mind.

Swallowing hard against the threatening flood of further indecent thoughts, you move quickly to prepare the inseminator. It’s a systematic process you can do with little thought—safe—unscrewing the cap of the cup and filling the syringe. Once you’re in position on the floor, hips elevated on the pillow, empty packets of lube discarded and your body primed, you take the silicone plug in one hand and the syringe in the other.

The directions make it seem so easy. But as you try to fit the silicone plug inside, you can’t seem to get it to go where you want it. It keeps slipping sideways and tugging at the tube connecting it to the syringe. Your heart begins to race as you realize you might not be able to do this—not on your own, at least.

By the fourth try, fifteen minutes have passed, and you’re in full-blown panic mode. Your breath wheezes in and out as you crunch up, hands fumbling between your thighs, and sweat forming on your brow. “Oh god, oh god. I—uh, god dammit…Jungkook!” His name is out of your mouth in a strangled yell before you can stop it.

“What is it? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” The frantic words are muffled through the door. The door rattles on its hinges, and you can tell he’s pressing up against it from the sound of denim scuffing along it, probably pressing his ear against it in an effort to hear your response.

You’ve managed to get it inside, but you’re not sure if you can get it all the way in, pressed up against your cervix where it needs to be. It’s possible you used too much lube, though the idea that it’s possible to have too much lubricant seems ridiculous. But no matter what you do or how far you press your fingers in, you’re either at a wrong angle, or your fingers keep slipping on the plug too much. Asking Jungkook for help is the last thing you want to do, but you’re not sure what other options there are.

“C-can you come in here?” you ask in a hoarse voice. There is a moment of silence before the door eases open and Jungkook sticks his head inside. His eyes are closed so tight it makes you let out a snap of nervous laughter. “I think…I think I need help. I’m sorry, I just can’t—it’s not going in all the way, I don’t think,” you gush in explanation.

“Do you—is it okay if I?” Jungkook asks, leaving the obvious unsaid.

“Um, yes…please. I’ve tried, and I just…I don’t want to ruin this. I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Jungkook shuffles into the bathroom, eyes still firmly closed and arms out in the air. “Um, where exactly are you so I don’t step on you by accident?”

Snagging the edge of the towel hanging on the rack, you pull it down and drape it over your knees to make yourself as decent as you can be in this situation. “Just open your eyes, it’s okay.”

Slowly, his eyes peek open and finally land on where you’re laid out on the floor, bent knees covered in a towel and your shirt askew from all your efforts.

“How can I help?” Jungkook kneels down beside you, shrugging out of his jacket and tossing it to the side.

“I just…I don’t know if it’s all the way in. Can you—with your hand, I know that’s horrible and weird, but I don’t know what else to—”

“No, no, it’s not weird. I said I’d help. It’s clinical, right? We’re doing this just as a medical procedure. Like I said, no funny business, I swear. It’s for the baby. I’ll help you.”

“Okay.” You nod, squeezing your eyes shut because it’s hard to look him in the eye when he’s about to—the towel shifts, and cool air licking between your thighs has your mind going blank.

“Look at me,” Jungkook requests, to which you immediately comply. “I need you to promise me you’ll let me know if I hurt you or do something you don’t like. I’ll stop immediately, okay?” When you don’t immediately say anything, he adds, “I need you to tell me you understand.”

“I understand.”

Stretching across to the sink, Jungkook keeps his eyes on yours as he washes his hands and then shifts the towel more, folding it up and over your knees. “I’m going to place my hand on your thigh. Is that okay?”

“Yes.”

His fingers are gentle against your skin, softer than you expected, and warm from the water. You can feel errant droplets of water streak down your thigh and roll over the bottom of your ass. You try to focus on that feeling instead of the way Jungkook’s hand trails down your thigh until his fingers graze your outer lips.

“I’m going to use two of my fingers to try and seat the inseminator. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” this time, it comes out as more a breath than a word.

You tense at the subtle press of his fingers and how they probe their way down until they find your entrance. There is easily enough lube down there to grease a bakery’s worth of cake pans, considering the half a dozen empty packets now in your trashcan, but you can’t help but take a deep, fortifying breath as he begins to press in.

“Still okay?” he asks, fingers moving achingly slow.

“I think so.”

Jungkook’s brow pinches. “I feel it…only about two inches in. I’m going to push it further now. Tell me if it hurts or is uncomfortable.”

Never in a million years did you think you’d ever find yourself in this position. Not only are you butterflied open on your bathroom floor, but your best friend’s husband is now middle-knuckle deep in your vagina, and you’re not sure how to feel about it. In fact, you’re trying to do everything you can to not think about how you stretch around the intrusion of his fingers, or that it feels far better than it should.

“Do you think you can get it all the way?” you ask, voice warbling with nerves.

Jungkook hums, his lips pushing out as if he is trying to concentrate. “I think I’m almost there. Does that feel okay, is it good?” 

Not once does he look away from you as he’s pushing deeper into your body. You think you want him to look away, to break that intimate contact, but you can’t even bring yourself to do that—even though you know you should. And the whispered exchange does little to help. Is it good? You’re going to burn in hell for the thoughts now flooding through.

“Oh!” You jolt in place, eyes going wide, all previous thoughts gathering into one singular point. Jungkook mirrors your surprise, his mouth popping open in silent shock.

“I’m so sorry!” he babbles. “I didn’t mean to do that. Oh fuck, god damn, shit…okay, sorry, let me just—” Jungkook is still gentle, yet swift in finishing seating the inseminator before quickly extracting his fingers from your body. “Please believe me when I say I am sorry, and I swear I wasn’t trying…I wasn’t trying to do that.”

Your body is still buzzing from the that he’s talking about—the graze of his thumb over your clit. It’s clear it was an accident by his reaction, but it does nothing to lessen the pulse that is now singing through your body.

“I-it’s okay. Really, it’s okay. It’s fine.” You’re not sure if your words are convincing enough, but Jungkook jerks his head in what you assume is a nod of acknowledgement.

“Um, it’s, uh, it’s in. Do you need me to do the syringe, too?”

“Just do it.” You exhale a shaky breath, finally tearing your eyes away from his. You’re confident he’s still watching you, even as he depresses the syringe and injects his cum into your body—as crass as that sounds in your head, that’s exactly what’s happening, and it’s the first time you think you’re realizing how truly fucked you are for this.

Nothing has happened between you and Jungkook, not in that way, but for some reason, guilt won’t leave you alone. You feel like you’ve just betrayed Jiyoon and feel even more like a ridiculous schoolgirl ruining her life over a crush on a boy. You’re intimately aware of the warmth and the subtle change in pressure as he finishes depressing the inseminator. It makes you want to squirm, but you chew your bottom lip and tap your toes instead.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks, his voice soft and gentle.

“I should be asking you that,” you sigh.

Jungkook balks. “What? Why would you say that? I’m fine…I’m the one that—” He nods toward where your body is now covered with the towel again. As soon as he was done plunging the depressor, he unfolded the towel and made you decent once more.

“You didn’t mean to,” you say, maybe more as a reminder to yourself than him.

“No, but that doesn’t make it okay.” Jungkook settles back on his heels, using one of the wet wipes that came in the kit to clean his hands. Suddenly, he laughs. “This is ridiculous, right? I mean, look at us, we just did something…beautiful, and we’re not allowing ourselves to enjoy it.”

You chuckle softly, fidgeting with one of the ends of the towel. “It is kind of ridiculous, huh? Sorry that I freaked out and you had to do…that.”

”I’m not. Sorry, that is. I’m glad you asked for my help. We’re in this together.” Jungkook gives you a smile, similar to the one he wore when he knocked on your door over an hour ago, and takes up the hand not pinching at the towel in his, squeezing it. “I don’t know that I can even begin to articulate with words just what this means to me. Thank you so much.”

“It means a lot to me, as well. Being able to do this for you and Jiyoon is not something you need to thank me for. I’d do anything for her. She’s my best friend. We’ve been through so much together over the last twenty years…I just want to see her happy. You, too, of course.”

Jungkook hums in the back of his throat, keeping his hand wrapped around yours as he leans back, using the side of the tub for support. A comfortable silence settles between the two of you, spanning several minutes until Jungkook speaks again. “Have you ever thought about being a mom, you know, before this?”

It’s on the tip of your tongue to answer with what you think he wants to hear, that this has always been your wish, but instead, you choose to give him an honest answer. “Not really.”

”Why not? If you don’t mind me asking.”

If it were anyone else asking, you might mind, but…

You purse your lips before offering yet another truth. “I guess I just…I’m me, you know?”

”No, I don’t think I do know. What do you mean?”

“I’m a single woman in my thirties with no prospects on the horizon. My last boyfriend was over five years ago. I’m a modern-day spinster. Nothing is wrong with that, I love who I am…I just, no one has ever shown interest in me like that. Though it’s not necessary to have another person in the picture, it’s just that…I don’t even know, I’m rambling, sorry.”

Jungkook looks at you for a long moment, and it’s so hard to read his expression. All you want to do is plead with him to tell you what’s on his mind.

“You shouldn’t do that to yourself,” he finally says.

”Do what?” you ask, uncertain what he’s referring to.

“Sell yourself short like that. You are easily one of the hardest-working people I’ve ever met. You have a successful career and amazing tastes in art and food. Not to mention, you have the biggest heart of anyone I know. You’re…you’re amazing, and I know for a fact that people think so, too.” 

You puff out a breath, trying not to laugh at him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because I’m one of them. I wouldn’t choose just anyone to do this with. After all, the baby will be half of you, too. A win-win in my book.” The corner of his mouth tilts in a small smile.

You’re pretty certain you’ve never had something create such a viscerally emotional response in you. It takes everything you have to blink away the sudden onslaught of tears that threaten to overwhelm you.

When you finally think you can speak without melting into a blubbering mess, you whisper, “I think you’re pretty amazing, too.”

💔💔💔

Jungkook

It’s well after midnight by the time Jungkook makes it home. He’s positively buzzing and can’t even think about going to bed just yet. There is far too much going on in his head, so he decides to expend some energy in the tiny home gym he turned one of the spare rooms into.

The condo he and Jiyoon bought two years into their marriage is spacious, spanning half the second and third floors of the building. There is a three-car garage on the first floor, as well as an elevator that leads to the landing out front. Across the landing is where Taehyung lives with his roommate Jimin, another well-to-do model they met through Kim Exclusives.

Jiyoon stuck her nose up at the fact that Taehyung was buying the unit across from them when Jungkook first told her, but so far, it hasn’t caused too many problems over the years. It helps at times like this, when Jiyoon is traveling for work, to have a friend so close by. Usually, Jungkook would knock next door when he can’t get his head cleared, but for some reason, Jungkook doesn’t want to tell Taehyung about what happened at your place. He doesn’t want to tell anyone, for that matter, holding onto it as a private thing for as long as possible.

Losing himself in sets of squats and curls is far safer than describing in maddening detail the way your soft, lush—Jungkook slams his hand against the squat rack and forces his thoughts away from that line of thinking.

Just because you’re a gorgeous woman with a nice body doesn’t give him the right to think about you like that. Especially considering he’s married to your best friend, whom he loves more than anything. Besides, he’s better than that, knows the whole alpha male hindbrain is the stuff of fantasy. There is no excuse for him having such sordid and outlandish thoughts about you like that. It was simply doing what needed to be done to help—for the baby.

With that in his mind instead, he moves through the motions of his workout. By the time he’s dripping sweat and his muscles are trembling with fatigue, the sun is starting to peek through the windows, and he hasn’t thought about you in hours—well, not much, at least. And when he does, he says it's just because he's thinking of what might be passed down to your baby—er—his and Jiyoon's baby—he reminds himself.

It’s been an excruciating three weeks waiting and waiting to hear from you about something other than work. After Jiyoon returned home from her business trip, Jungkook told her about that night, including the accidental slip-up. At first, she was upset, accusing him of taking advantage of her best friend. It took hours of strained conversation to get her to understand that it was more of a clinical procedure than Jungkook fingering you.

When that accusation was first thrown out, Jungkook was at a loss for words and completely thrown off the tracks. Jiyoon apologized, saying she didn’t understand how he didn’t think she’d be upset about it but that she’d forgive him for it anyway. She then gathered Jungkook into her arms, and they cuddled in bed for the first time in what felt like forever.

Jungkook wasn’t sure if Jiyoon would confront you at work over it, but as the days continued on without a peep from you, he figured things were okay between the two of you. There were times when Jungkook wished something had gone down with you and Jiyoon because then, at least, he’d have an excuse to talk to you in a way that didn’t make him look like he only cared about you now that you were possibly pregnant or with something work-related.

He knows these things take time, and there is only so much he can do. So, he’s been pouring himself into work and filling his schedule with as many activities as possible to keep his mind off of waiting.

“Jungkook, let’s go.” Taehyung raps his knuckles on Jungkook’s shoulder, grabbing his attention. “Head out of the clouds, daddy-o, we’re needed in hair and makeup.”

Sighing, Jungkook hauls himself off the couch in the studio waiting room and follows Taehyung into the space where the makeup and hair artists are set up. He arrived at the studio early this morning and had spent the last hour spilling his guts to Taehyung, something he promised himself he wouldn’t do but couldn’t keep it contained any longer.

“Don’t call me that,” Jungkook grumbles.

Taehyung smirks. “What? Is that not what you’re hoping to be called? Don’t tell me you and Jiyoon are into daddy roleplay. That might make it a little weird to have your kid also call you daddy—ow!”

Rubbing the back of his head where Jungkook smacked him, Taehyung harrumphs before sidestepping the line of chairs and taking a seat in the one farthest from Jungkook.

“Fuck off, Taehyung. After everything I just told you, that’s all you have to say?”

Taehyung throws up his hands, and the hairdresser at his station begins to comb through his black tresses. “The way it seems to me, you’re the only one making a big deal about this. If you want to check on her, I’m sure she won’t think it’s only because she’s your possible surrogate and not because you’re friends after this. And sure, you stuck your fingers into your wife’s best friend’s vagina, but so what? It was what you needed to do. If I really needed you to touch my dick in order to complete an important procedure, I hope you’d do it with a smile on your face.”

Jungkook opens his mouth to protest but closes it when he realizes he can’t really argue against that. Taehyung is right. He did what he had to do. Hell, he knows that, he used those words himself when explaining it to Jiyoon. There’s just this feeling he can’t shake, he’s far too nervous and on edge right now. If only you’d reach out, put him out of his misery with an update.

“I hate it when you’re right. I’ll stop being such a—”

“Hi, guys.”

“Excuse me, ma’am, only staff and models are allowed back here.”

“Whoa, hey, wait. She’s our manager, and she can be here.” Jungkook is quick to spout, not caring if there is desperation evident in his voice. Once his eyes landed on you, it was all he could do not to jump up from the makeup chair, cross the room, and drop to his knees and beg for an update.

The directing assistant who stepped in your path gives you a once-over that makes Jungkook grind his teeth, but he just sighs and steps to the side. “Okay, but you’re both needed on set in fifteen,” he says, directing the last part toward Jungkook and Taehyung.

“It’s okay, I won’t be long. I just…” You hold up a thin manilla envelope and give it a shake. “Jiyoon is out of the office for the day, she said I should let you see first and that you could tell her later tonight at home. So, here I am. I thought we could look together.”

The makeup artist dabbing a sponge on Jungkook’s jaw lifts an eyebrow when he jerks forward in the chair, intent on scrambling across the room despite being in the middle of blending.

“Two minutes,” she says, stepping back from Jungkook and turning to the makeup collection on her table.

“Okay!” Jungkook springs from the chair and rushes over to you, having no regard for the way his hair flops out of place on his forehead. “Hi,” he says when he’s standing in front of you. “I didn’t realize you had an appointment today.”

“I didn’t,” you tell him. “I just wasn’t feeling all that well this morning, so…well, I just wanted to ensure everything was okay. They had to do a pregnancy test, it was routine.” You offer the folder to him. “Want to do the honors?”

Jungkook’s fingers are trembling as he takes the folder from you. It takes him three tries to get the flap open and to extract the slip of paper inside. You give him an encouraging smile as he looks to you for reassurance before letting his eyes sweep over the report.

“It’s…we’re…you’re…holy fuck. You’re pregnant. You’re pregnant! YOU’RE PREGNANT!” Jungkook shouts before breaking out into a bout of ecstatic laughter. “Fucking hell, oh my god, you’re pregnant! I’m going to be a father. Me. A father. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yes!”

You join in his laughter, the sound pleasant and musical, as he throws his arms around you and spins you in a circle. There are shining tears in your eyes when he sets you down again, happiness clear on your face. “I’m pregnant,” you whisper, the words reverent and full of awe.

There have never been more beautiful words. Jungkook can’t help but say them again. “We’re pregnant.”

It’s hard to say if what Jungkook is feeling right now is considered a healthy response to what his wife, Jiyoon, just told him. But, the erratic beat of his heart paired with the incessant ringing in his ears doesn’t necessarily feel bad, just like he’s having some sort of out-of-body experience.

“Say that again,” he requests, softly smacking his lips, trying to work moisture back into his mouth.

Jiyoon sighs, shuffling the papers on her lap. “I’m pregnant,” she repeats the same words you said just two weeks ago.

“You’re certain?” Jungkook wants to believe he heard her correctly but can’t help asking for clarity again.

“I am.” Jiyoon smiles at Jungkook, her eyes watery. “It’s right here, look.”

Jungkook hesitantly takes the top sheet of paper from Jiyoon, letting his eyes devour the words and numbers on it. It’s all there, everything he needs to see and know for the truth—hCG levels far, far above average, an inked red circle around it along with a doctor’s barely legible scrawl of ‘pregnant’ beside that.

“How far along? It’s been—” Jungkook pauses to try to do the math in his head; it’s been weeks since they were last intimate—the night they agreed to do ICI. 

“About eight weeks,” Jiyoon offers. “I suspected a few weeks ago, you know, when I was a little sick that weekend—the one when we found out about, well, I didn’t want to get my hopes up or disappoint you if it wasn’t true, especially after such good news…so I scheduled an appointment. I had to be sure, had to be certain.”

“You’re pregnant.” The words feel thick on Jungkook’s tongue, like he’s trying to talk through a mouthful of peanut butter; sweet, decadent peanut butter.

“I am,” she whispers, the confirmation turning into a squeal of laughter as Jungkook sweeps her into his arms and shouts his own happiness.

Peppering kisses all over Jiyoon’s face, Jungkook hops around, alternating between shouting how much he loves her and how he can’t believe his luck. “I’m going to be a father. Twice! What did I do to deserve this?! I love you so much. Fuck!”

“Calm down,” Jiyoon giggles. “Put me down before you make me hurl.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” Jungkook pants, setting Jiyoon back down on her feet. “I’m just so excited!” He wiggles his hips and shimmies his shoulders. “We’ll need to order a second crib. Should we have the babies share a room at first? That seems the easier option, right? I bet there is a book on that somewhere, I need to go—”

“Hey, calm, right?” Jiyoon’s smile is warm, soft. “We have time. There is no need to rush. Can we just enjoy this for a little while longer?” she asks, grabbing one of his hands and placing it over her belly.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes.” Pressing his forehead to hers, Jungkook wraps his other arms around Jiyoon and sighs contentedly. “I love you so much, babe.”

“I love you, too, Jungkook.”

💔💔💔

Jiyoon seems nervous, pushing around the chopped salad on her plate as she chews her bottom lip. She hasn’t met your eyes the entire time you’ve been at lunch. You want to ask her what’s wrong, but you’ve been friends with her long enough to know that she’ll come to you with it when she wants, and pushing won’t do you any good.

“So,” she draws the word out, lips forming an exaggerated pucker.

“Yes?”

“How are you feeling?” You can tell that’s not what she wants to say or ask, but you indulge her anyway, hoping you’ll get to the actual matter of why she insisted on going to lunch with you today.

You shift in your seat, setting your fork down on your half-empty plate. “I feel good. I just have some nausea in the mornings sometimes, but it’s not too bad.”

Finally, Jiyoon’s eyes come up to meet yours. “I know what you mean,” she says, the words slow and enunciated—pointed. Her free hand flutters over her belly as if for emphasis.

“What?” The word is more breath than question. “You are?”

“I am,” Jiyoon confirms, tears shining in her eyes.

“Oh, my goodness! Jiyoon! What? But how? Oh my goodness! That’s wonderful!” You can’t contain your excitement for your friend, throwing yourself across the tabletop to hug her fiercely.

She’s laughing as you sit back down, clearly buzzing with her own excitement. “We just found out. It seems a miracle was in our cards after all. It’s still early, nine weeks or so now.” That would make it just two weeks, give or take, before you and Jungkook did the ICI.

“Wow,” you breathe, your own hand landing on your stomach. “They might as well be twins. It’ll be so cool—what?” Jiyoon’s frown stilts your excitement. “What is it?”

She casts her eyes away from yours again, pulling her full bottom lip between her teeth before letting it pop back out. “I don’t know. I just thought…it’s not too late if you wanted to—I just know it’s a lot on someone, your body, the pain and everything that comes after. And now that I’m pregnant, it’s just, we don’t expect you to continue…if you don’t want. We’d be completely understanding and fully supportive if you—”

“Termination? Is that…what you’re talking about? And Jungkook agrees?”

Her nose wrinkles. “I don’t like that word. I’m just saying that we will support your decision to do that if you’d like. It was never in the plans to have more than one child, and now it would be two newborns at the same time…that’s a lot, you know? Twice as many diapers, bottles, and sleepless nights. It would be hard to say goodbye, but we’d still love you and not think less of you for it.”

Your mouth feels too dry for you to form words. You know what she’s saying. Though there isn’t a single ounce of you that desires that, you also understand the hesitation Jiyoon is expressing. She’s right. There wasn’t a plan for two babies. So, what now? Do you volunteer to help? Do you seek out the advice of a lawyer to know where your parental rights might sit in the case they decide they don’t want the baby in the end? So many thoughts swirl through your mind that it makes you dizzy.

“Can I think about it?” you ask, feeling for the first time a wave of uncertainty.

Jiyoon gives you what you assume is supposed to be an assuring smile. “Of course. And if you decide not to, I’m sure we can come up with some sort of system. We’ll figure it out.”

She seems so sure that no matter your decision, it’ll all be okay. “Really?”

“Absolutely. I want—we want, these babies, even if we didn’t plan for two. I was just letting you know that there is that option if you want it.”

“I-I don’t think I do, but if that changes…I’ll let you know.”

“That’s all I ask! Now, tell me, what do you think it’ll be?” she asks, patting her flat stomach again. “A boy or a girl? I’m leaning more towards a boy…”

💔💔💔

Jungkook

Jungkook still can’t believe his life. Two babies—two extraordinary miracles, it’s surreal—perfect. His calendar has never been more full. There’s the regular schedule of photo shoots, meetings, and other client work but now those are penned in between the baby classes he’s signed up for and various doctor’s appointments.

One of which is scheduled this afternoon, just a few hours after another this morning. There is your ten-week and then Jiyoon’s three-month appointment. Things have been going great with the pregnancies being so close together, but it does sometimes make appointments and times overlap. Which is how Jungkook finds himself sprinting across the parking lot of Jiyoon’s doctor’s office. He’s late—really late. He didn’t mean to arrive so late. It’s just that your appointment ran a little longer than expected, and traffic wasn’t exactly on his side, either.

Just as Jungkook puts his hand on the handle to open the door to the doctor’s office, it swings outward, nearly smacking him in the face. Jiyoon glares at him, a peeved sigh escaping her.

“You missed it.”

“What? No. I still have—” he glances down at his watch. “The appointment should have lasted at least forty-five minutes, and it’s only been thirty.”

Jiyoon rolls her eyes. “They were able to get me in a few minutes early.” She pushes past him and starts towards her car. “Everything is fine, by the way. The baby is measuring small but is still healthy. Thanks for asking,” she snarks, holding up a length of printed film.

Jungkook grabs the strip from her hand, jogging to keep up with her angry strides. “Wow,” he whispers, looking down at the 2D images. “She’s beautiful, so tiny.”

“She? It could be a boy.”

“Is that what you hope it is?” Jungkook asks, skipping ahead of Jiyoon before turning and walking backwards in front of her. His eyes barely leave the black-and-white grainy images. He traces over the faintly-there contours of the face, the delicate nose and forehead.

Clicking the unlock button on her keyfob, Jiyoon sighs again. “I just want it to be healthy. I don’t care what gender it is.”

“You don’t care?” Jungkook purses his lips, finally looking up at his wife. She’s wearing a designer pantsuit, the deep navy complementing her porcelain complexion and making the red lip she has on pop beautifully. Pregnancy looks good on her. He opens his mouth to tell her so when she cuts him off.

“Don’t say it like that. Of course, I care. Good god, Jungkook, why do you have to make me feel like shit all the time? First you missed my appointment, because why? Because you were busy playing daddy to someone else. And now, here you are, accusing me of being a terrible mother before it’s even born. Fuck you. Fuck you, Jungkook.”

Jungkook is so confused. “What? I didn’t—playing daddy? What are you talking about? I already said I was sorry for missing the appointment, you know the times were really close. It was her ten-week appointment. They were measuring her nuchal translucency, you remember how important that is!”

“Whatever,” Jiyoon deadpans, pushing around Jungkook and climbing into her car. “I have a meeting tonight, don’t wait up for me.”

Before Jungkook can respond, the door slams shut, Jiyoon turns over the engine, and takes off. Maybe not everything is perfect, he laments to himself, mulling over his earlier thoughts. With a determined expression on his face, Jungkook makes his way to his own car and promises to do his best to make this right, vowing not to let something like this happen again.

Of course, it’s only some weeks later that Jungkook has to break this vow. It’s not his fault, it’s no ones. It seems that life just wants to test him, perhaps make sure he’s honing his time management skills for when the babies come.

Everything has been going great since his hiccup with missing Jiyoon’s twelve-week appointment. He’s been able to shuffle around his schedule and work with the both of you to ensure appointments don’t overlap or are too close together.

Jiyoon has become reliant on him, which is something Jungkook revels in. It’s like their marriage is finally back to the way it once was, full of nights cuddled in bed and romantic dinners—sans the wine. While you’ve been fiercely independent, yet charmingly sweet when it comes to Jungkook and Jiyoon and sharing the pregnancy experience with them.

There have been a few discussions about the fact that now there are going to be two babies instead of one. Jungkook has spent nearly all of his free time turning the guest bedroom into a nursery fit for two. His home gym has become a catch-all, most of the equipment being confined into a corner to make room for the furniture that came out of the guest room-now-nursery.

It’s been a lot, but it’s something Jungkook would never trade for anything in all the world. He’s positively jubilant over the prospect of being a father. It’s something he’s dreamed about for as long as he can remember. Now, it’s just a few months away, a permanent light in his life.

“J-jungkook?” your trembling voice sounds through his phone when he swipes to answer the call, tossing the paint roller into the bucket. Butter yellow coats the walls of the nursery and dots the hem of his old t-shirt.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

“I think so. I don’t know. I slipped on the stairs, I’m at the ER right now—”

“I’m on my way!”

“Jungkook, no. It’s okay. I know you have things going on today. I just thought I should tell you. Jiyoon was in a meeting, so Namjoon said he’d pass her a memo when she was done.”

He’s supposed to attend a First-Time Fathers class in an hour, and Jiyoon has her twenty-two-week anatomy scan this afternoon. The class can wait. If he’s lucky, he can go to the ER, check on you, and then make it to Jiyoon’s appointment.

“No, no, you’re not sitting in the ER by yourself. I’ll text Jiyoon and let her know that I’m leaving now to come check on you.”

“O-okay.”

The line disconnects, and Jungkook slaps the lid on the paint bucket and throws a plastic sheet over the paint tray. If it dries out, then it dries out. Paint can be replaced; your health is far more crucial right now.

Walking into the entryway, he thumbs open his messages and types out a quick text to Jiyoon before tossing his phone on the small bench by the door so he can pull on his shoes.

It’s a twenty-minute drive to the hospital, and it takes another ten minutes of searching to find you sitting in a waiting room with a large ice pack resting on your right foot.

“Hey, are you okay? Have you been seen yet? How long have you been here? What happened?”

You hold up a hand to ward off more of his word vomit, an embarrassed smile soft on your face. “Slow down, have a seat. I’m okay. They said I should be called back soon.”

Instead of sitting, Jungkook kneels on the floor in front of you. His fingers the ice pack, his face falling even further. “What happened?”

“I slipped in the stairwell at work, missed the last step and came down hard on the side of my foot.”

“Can I?” he asks, fingers moving to the corner of the ice pack.

You nod. “Yeah.”

Lifting it gently, Jungkook takes in the sight of your foot. The black ballet flats you’re wearing give him a clear view of the swelling that’s already beginning along the top and side of your foot.

“Do you want me to find a wheelchair?”

Before you can answer Jungkook a nurse comes through one of the doors, pushing a wheelchair. She wheels it over to you and says, “Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Jungkook slips his arm under yours as you stand before slowly helping you lower into the wheelchair. “Would you like to push her back?” the nurse asks Jungkook.

“I can come?” he wonders, hopeful.

“Of course. Unless you’d rather wait out here, and I can call for you when your wife is done.”

“Oh, she’s not—”

“I’d like for you to come if that’s okay? I don’t really want to be alone,” you interject before Jungkook can correct the nurse. She gives Jungkook a polite nod and gestures towards the door she came through.

“Please come right this way. We’ll need to get a quick weight and a urine sample before I can get you into your room, where the doctor will see you shortly.”

Jungkook aids you the best he can, helping you to and from the wheelchair as he can. He almost asks if you want him to come into the restroom with you, but you give him a quick shake of your head before closing the door on him.

What feels like an eternity later, you’re finally settled on a bed with Jungkook sitting in the chair beside it.

“Thank you for being here,” you say quietly, drawing Jungkook’s attention. “I know I said I wanted you to come back with me, and it’s not that I want you to leave, but please don’t feel obligated to stay. I know you have a lot of other things going on.”

Shifting his chair closer, Jungkook reaches for one of your hands. “Nonsense. I’m glad you called. I feel bad that I haven’t been to as many doctor’s appointments with you. I feel like it’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve even seen you. I wish our schedules worked out a little better. Perhaps, as my manager, there’s something you can do about that?” he asks, giving you a jesting wink.

“I was trying to give you more time to go to Jiyoon’s appointments!” you laugh, covering your mouth with your hand.

“I know, but in case you forgot, you’re also carrying my child. Don’t get me wrong, though, the texts are great, and I really appreciate the weekly baby bump pictures, but it’d be nice to actually see you. Though, maybe next time, let’s make it not where you’re laid up in a hospital bed, not yet, at least,” he adds on with a low laugh.

This is the first time Jungkook has seen your bump in person. The soft swell under your shirt calls to him, and he wonders if it would be okay to touch it. As if you’re reading his mind, you take the hand that’s wrapped around yours and press it gently over your stomach.

“Kinda weird, huh?”

“No. No, not weird at all,” Jungkook says, being completely raw and honest with you. Jiyoon is touchy about her belly, pun wholly not intended, seeing as she doesn’t let him touch her bump nearly as much as he’d like to. She’s only recently started to show, and it’s hitting her hard, with which Jungkook tries to empathize. He can’t imagine being pregnant and how much a body changes; he’d probably feel things like that, too.

He spends a moment absorbing the feel, trying to imagine the little life growing just a few inches below his hand. Life he helped create. He’s so in awe he could cry…if it wasn’t for the door opening and breaking the momentary spell over him.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Lee. I’ll be your attending today. I hear you slipped down the stairs today and are worried your foot might be broken?” The cheery, middle-aged woman chatters away, washing her hands and drying them off before offering one to you and then to Jungkook.

“Yeah. I missed the last step and landed on the side of my foot pretty hard.” You shake your head with a rueful smile. “I should have just waited for the elevator.”

“Oh, ouch. Let’s take a look,” Dr. Lee coos. “May I?” She gestures to the blanket covering your feet. Jungkook helped you remove your shoes once you were in bed and tossed the blanket over your feet so they wouldn’t get cold.

“Of course.”

Dr. Lee pulls back the blanket and gently probes at your foot, turning it slowly side to side to get a better look. “Does this hurt?” she asks as she rotates your ankle.

“A little, not as much as putting pressure on it, though.”

The doctor nods. “I think it might be best if we do an x-ray just to be sure it’s not broken.”

“Won’t that be harmful to the baby?” Jungkook asks.

“Don’t worry, we’ll make sure to protect your little one.” Jungkook nods his understanding. “Is it your first? You look a little green around the gills, first-time-father jitters.”

Jungkook isn’t entirely sure how to answer that. Because, technically…no? Considering Jiyoon is approximately two weeks further along than you are. Would that make her baby his first? A laugh, barely restrained, simmers deep in Jungkook’s chest.

“Something like that,” he finally says, earning another warm smile from the doctor.

“Alright, let’s get started so I can get you two out of here as soon as possible.”

The word ‘soon’ should be a relative term when it comes to hospitals—or a word that hospital staff is barred from using. Jungkook doesn’t mind spending the hours waiting with you. In fact, you’re pretty pleasant company. That’s not to say Jiyoon isn’t when Jungkook attends appointments with her; there’s just a different level of expectation, he thinks. He hopes this baby will have your patience and grace like that.

Jiyoon wants a quiet observer sitting in the corner, whereas you’re welcoming to his insights and curiosities. You haven’t hushed him a single time when he’s voiced a question of any of the medical staff. In fact, it almost seems like you welcome it, comfortable in letting him show his concern for you.

Thankfully, the x-ray showed no break or fracture. You’ve been given a temporary boot to wear for the next week and strict instructions not to overdo it. “Got it,” you say once the nurse has finished explaining everything to you.

“Now, before we discharge you, we would like to have a sonographer brought in to check on the baby. According to your charts and file, you’re at the twenty-week mark now.”

Jungkook stands up, panic worming its way in. “Should we be worried? Is everything okay?”

The nurse gives him a motherly smile. “That’s what we would like to check.” She turns her attention to you. “You didn’t fall on your belly, but with any trauma to the body, it never hurts just to be sure.”

Of course. That makes sense to Jungkook, but he looks to you for confirmation. “Yeah? You want to do that?”

“That would be great, thanks.”

Jungkook has only attended two live ultrasounds in all the doctor’s appointments he has been to. He has many printed ultrasound images that are now stuck to the refrigerator at home, one side for Jiyoon and the other for you. But he’s only managed to attend one for Jiyoon and one for you, so this will be a wonderful treat.

“Okay, they’ll be here in just a moment.”

A few moments pass after the nurse leaves the room, and Jungkook allows himself to truly assess his internal feelings. He’s thankful that you’re okay and will feel even more at ease once the ultrasound confirms the baby is alright, too. It’s wild for Jungkook to think that just a few months ago, his life felt like it was on the verge of falling apart. There was a steadily growing rift between him and Jiyoon, and you were just Jiyoon’s best friend.

Now, however, he feels closer than ever to his wife, and you’ve managed to carve out your own little pocket in his heart, too. It’s alarming, yet comforting, to realize that there is something more between you and him—a deepening connection that’s still delicate but growing more solid with each passing day.

“You feeling okay?” Your voice breaks through Jungkook’s reverie.

“Hm? Me? I’m great,” he assures, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand. You’ve barely let his hand go the entire time, to which Jungkook won’t complain. “Does it hurt much?” Jungkook nods toward the end of the bed, where your feet are back under the blanket.

You shrug. “It’s not so bad while laying here.”

“Hi!” a bubbly voice calls from the door a second before a young blond woman wheels an imaging cart into the room. “Are we ready to get a look at your little one before you guys go home?”

“Yep.” You give Jungkook’s hand a light squeeze. “Excited?” you ask in a soft voice meant only for him.

“Very,” he tells you, sitting up straighter in his chair.

“Now, this won’t be nearly as good as if we were in radiology in an exam room, but all we really want is to get a look to make sure everything is okay. Besides, who doesn’t want to take a peek when you get the chance, right?”

The tech, with Jungkook’s assistance, helps you adjust on the bed until you’re in a comfortable position for the ultrasound. Jungkook feels frozen as you tug your blouse up and over your belly, giving him his first real glimpse of the swell in all its glory. It’s one thing to see it through your shirt, another thing entirely to see it like this.

“Cold,” you chuckle as the tech squeezes a glob of contact gel onto your lower belly.

“Sorry about that, these carts unfortunately don’t have the warmers on them. Ah, here we are,” she sing-songs when she smoothes the wand over the gel. “Look at that.”

Jungkook tears his eyes from your face, focusing his gaze on the imaging machine's display screen. His breath stutters in his lungs, and a wave of pure, unrestrained joy washes over him.

“They’re perfect,” he says, voice thick with emotion. Jungkook watches as an arm moves across the screen, followed by a little kicking foot.

“Seeing them never ceases to take my breath away.” You take the words right out of Jungkook’s mouth.

The tech hums, giving you a soft smile as she moves the wand around to different angles. “No gender yet?” she asks. “I’ll try to be careful here, don’t want to have any spoilers…unless you would like to know?”

It’s hard not to be curious. “Is it not too early to tell?” Jungkook asks.

Turning the screen slightly away from you and Jungkook, the tech says, “Um, nope. Not too early. Everything looks good, though. So, if you’d rather wait, we can get cleaned up and be done here.”

“What do you say?” Jungkook looks at you with a raised brow.

Your teeth leave a dent in your bottom lip as you worry it for a moment. Another thing he thinks would be cute to see his mini-me do. “I kind of want to, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” he admits, loving the fact that you do.

“Okay, wonderful. In that case,” the tech says before moving the screen back and adjusting the wand on your belly. “Take a look here.”

When Jungkook arrives home, the sun has long since gone down, but he’s so high on cloud nine that he can’t bring himself to care. The large smile on his face hasn’t slipped in the slightest.

Jungkook is certain nothing can bring him down. At least, that is, until he walks through the front door of his condo and straight into hell. Jiyoon is sitting at their dining table, her expression completely devoid of emotion.

“Hey, babe. What’s going on?” Jungkook hesitantly asks, eyes sweeping the open layout and taking note that the only light on is the recessed one directly over Jiyoon. His smile slowly fades, replaced with a crease between his brows.

“What’s going on?” she asks in a cold voice.

“Is everything okay?”

Jiyoon sniffs, her eyes narrowing, the first sign of emotion he’s seen since he walked in. “No. Everything is not okay.”

“O…kay,” Jungkook draws the word out, letting his mind flip through its internal catalog, trying to find pieces of the puzzle to put together.

“Where have you been?”

“There was an accident. Did you get the note from—”

“You’ve not answered any of my calls or texts.”

“I sent you a text before I left. I think I misplaced my phone, I can’t seem to find—”

“You missed my appointment!” she sneers, cutting him off once more. “And you did not text me. I haven’t heard from you since this morning.”

Realization hits, and the warmth drains from Jungkook’s face. He was so focused on everything with you, the panic and then the joy, that he completely spaced on everything else he should have done today. But also…

“I swear I texted you to let you know I was going to the hospital. I was going to make sure everything was okay.” As soon as your name falls from his lips Jiyoon shoves back from the table and rounds it, getting in his face. “She slipped at work and thought she might have broken her foot. Namjoon was supposed to give you a note about it since you were in a meeting. She called me. I was worried. I didn’t mean to miss your appointment. Were they able to determine the gender?”

Jiyoon jabs a finger in the center of his chest. “Not. Good. Enough. I’m your wife, not her! You’re supposed to be with me! Instead, you spend all your fucking time with your nose up her ass when you barely even know her!” Jungkook staggers back as her poke turns into a fully-palmed shove. “You’re un-fucking-believable! What a goddamn joke.”

“Jiyoon, that’s not fair. Something could have been wrong with the baby. It was an emergency,” Jungkook says, trying to make Jiyoon see reason.

It doesn’t work.

“Fuck you! Why do you care so fucking much about that stupid baby?! All you do is fawn over the photos and re-read her text updates! This,” she gestures wildly at her stomach, “is the baby you should care about! Yet you can’t even show up when it counts.”

“You can’t be serious. This is ridiculous.” Jungkook keeps his tone level, refusing to be baited into a knock-down-drag-out with her.

“No!” Jiyoon screams, making Jungkook flinch. “You are ridiculous.” Suddenly a menacing smile cuts across her face. “I bet you slept with her. Didn’t you? That’s it, you’re feeling possessive because you fucked my best friend, and that’s how she got knocked up, isn’t it?”

Jiyoon’s words spark a ringing in Jungkook’s ears. “What?” he whispers, the word barely forming.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Jungkook. I know you too well for that. Let’s not forget your little slip-up—” she throws up air quotes as she says that “—the night you supposedly did ICI.”

“I told you it was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it!”

Sarcasm is a heavy, bitter layer in Jiyoon’s reply, “You just so happened to touch her clit? Just a little oopsie, so innocent. You’re too nice to outright lie to me, so, of course, you come up with some half-truth, expecting me to believe that you didn’t want it, that you weren’t secretly gnawing at the opportunity to try and seduce my best friend!”

“That is not what happened at all!”

“So I’m supposed to believe my pathetically inexperienced best friend is the one that seduced you, then?”

“What? That’s not what I said at all. No one seduced anyone. You’re being fucking crazy right now. You know I’d never do that to y—”

The crack of Jiyoon’s palm against his jaw stuns him into silence. “Don’t you dare call me crazy!” she screams. “You’d never do that to me? Yeah, right. You’re a man, and that’s what men do! Heaven forbid a woman works hard and spends time away from the home, trying to provide for her family. Is that it? I’m gone too much for your sad little dick, so you have to chase after the first desperate pussy that comes your way?”

Jungkook presses his fingers over the searing heat licking up his jaw where her hand struck him. “Jiyoon, no, it’s not like that at all,” he says, losing his momentum because he’s not sure what he can say at this point to make her see reason. “I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“Fucking my best friend because she’s convenient and out of spite for me being gone so much? No, that sounds exactly like something you would do. Well, looks like it’s your lucky day because two can play that game, asshole. Enjoy your fucking prize!”

Jungkook jerks back, as if Jiyoon just slapped him again. “What does that mean?”

She laughs, the sound deep and throaty. “This baby—” she seethes, rubbing over the small swell of her belly, voice rising with every word “—it’s not yours, you pathetic bastard!”

Next Chapter⇾ ◅ Back to story masterlist  

◅ Back to Main Master List ©️ 2024-04-25 ColorMePurplex2

[mtchacffinz]

to be loved for you

prompt!!! Dan Heng never dealt with jealousy. He learns bitterly that sometimes, he can't deal with it rationally!

content!!! SFW, gn! reader, fluff, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, first kiss, clingy! Dan Heng

note!!! I love him too much. So far, all he's been getting from me is fluff 💔 frankly, i cant muster any freaky-freaky stuff with this man 🤔 got anything? my asks are open 🩷

To be someone who relied on relations by circumstance, you would always cherish each and every one of those who cross your path. May they be old and wise, or young and restless— Greeting them with the brightest smile, they'd always find themselves enamoured by your energy. Maybe this is why you attract so many people? Dan Heng was aware of that. He never spoke up about it, though. After all, he was one of the many who was caught bulls eye with each strum of his heart.

He knew you were capable of fending off threats yourself. He knew you were somebody who could defend someone from harms way.. and he especially knew just how gentle and kind you treat everybody.

Oh, what is he doing? Sulking all by himself in the archives. Dan Heng's thoughts ran rampant the past minutes. This happens when he's alone or sitting idly by. The poor man's thoughts catch up to him leaving him disgruntled. The thing is, you could always see it in his face.

You've been out and about for a while. He misses you, you know. Not that he would admit! Dan Heng's stubborn, just like that. He's definitely not mulling over how you're attention has been elsewhere, either. He doesn't mind. You have the freedom to do what you want! Just leave him sulking here in the archives unattended, it's okay.

The teal eyed prince clicks his tongue. That chatty, flirty, touchy writer. At first, Dan Heng thought that he was quite a man. The writer guy was nice and respectful with a golden gaze for things that were held high. That said, the Author quickly took interest in you.

He was never one to be possessive. Why should he? You're not even in a relationship. But sometimes, as soon as the guys hands find their way towards yours, intertwining in a clasp, something in him dims. Suddenly, his eyes can't leave your figure. It was your smile again, and Dan Heng's not at the receiving end of it.

You're not on the express today, either. A shame. Seriously, that guys been hogging you all week! What's up with that? Don't even get him started on "(Y/n), my muse. Accompany me today?" bullcrap! It's nothing but a sappy excuse to get into your pants so bad! Seriously, the absurdity. Dan Heng shakes off the thoughts before they continue. Did you know? Just by his gaze alone, someone could freeze in their place— like daggers against their back.

"Hmm? Mr. Ferr, are you okay?"

"It's nothing, my sweet, I strangely caught a shiver in my spine.." the author, Ferr, replied calmly.

"Okay. So about your first draft.."

Draft this, draft that, can't he got an editor instead?!

Irk marks basically float up his head just thinking about what they're talking about right now. Can you blame him? He's been neglected.

Dan Heng slaps himself, hard.

Woah. He's getting way ahead of himself. Him? Neglected? In what way? Again, it's not like you're both in a relationship. It's not like he's entitled to your affection in any way. Dan Heng really needs to calm down. Lately, all he's been doing is updating the archives. He's also learned of what you will be traveling for next, and added data with a note addressed to you as well. His calloused hands were flipping through various pages all day, pulling apart scrolls and wiping away holograms.

His thoughts become strangely quiet. His presence was like frost.. constant. A little chilly. He starts to fiddle with his fingers, his gloves, and his nails.

He really misses you a lot.

Can you come back soon?

Dan Heng sighs. He stands up with his impeccable posture as usual. Those arms held scrolls and books, and puts them back where he got them from. At this point, he's zoned out. He exits the Archives, strolling near the parlor car. Light footsteps echo throughout the space with Dan Heng taking in the air of tranquility within the express; It seemed like everyone had their own agenda today.

Well, except for one.

"Dan Heng," Himeko's sweet, gentle voice called out for him. The boy turned towards her, a little surprised. She smiles, and beckons him to sit with her. Her silky locks framing perfectly on her face, she put a stray strand behind her ear. "Come, I have coffee to share."

Dan Heng was indeed in dire need of indulgence. Without hesitation, he walked over to the red head and sat down. He forgot how comfortable the sofa was.. his nerves began to relax. Himeko starts to pour the hot beverages into elegant coffee cups, befitting if her style. It was comfortable silence, the stars glistened into glass windows— reflecting the beauty of life. Himeko seems to have noticed his aloof vibe, joining him to stare at the stars. Opening her lips, Himeko starts.

"You've been busy for a while."

"Being an archivist is a lot of work, huh?"

"I have."

"It's fine." The gentle lady can't help but chuckle. He's so dry. This only confirms her hypothesis. That daunting look on his figure may intimidate some, but not Miss Himeko. Never Miss Himeko. She doesn't want to expose her hidden agenda now, but she just can't wait to run her mouth. After all, Dan Heng's been down the weather and it's very obvious as to why.

"(Y/n) wanted me to prepare these for you. Enjoy them." She takes a sip. His expression softened. Dan Heng can't help but think bitterly. It'd be lovely if they were her to prepare these herself, but the teal eyed prince quickly take back the thought.

"I'm thankful.. but why? Is there an occasion? I don't seem to recall any." He speaks in a cautious manner. The woman only sighs, a palm on her cheek.

"Be honest with me, Dan Heng." Her tone quickly changed. Now her eyes are staring into his. Like it was rummaging through his soul. Dan Heng's feet were cold. He couldn't contest her gaze, so he averts his eyes. Himeko frowns at this, but she doesn't seem to mind.

"Your eyes betray you greatly."

He was a little taken aback. His eyes? He was never expressive. He was sure he'd been called at least poker faced and stoic before.. Dan Heng's brows narrowed. "I beg your pardon?"

Himeko only chuckles, dismissing her last claim. "I'll tell you what. They'll be here soon.. and they're going to leave just as quickly." She adds the last statement with dramatic disdain before the elegant lady takes a sip once again. Dan Heng's stomach drop. Ah.. he's lost the appetite to even finish his mug. Himeko continues. "Ferr is taking them to a space station for one of his projects. Given the current circumstances, they have no reason to refuse."

His face scrunched in annoyance upon hearing the name again. Mr. Ferr this, Mr. Ferr that! He's getting sick of him. Taking (Y/n) on a space ship? How long will that take? Is it some sort of rendevous? A date?

..will you come back?

"i don't think that decision befalls to us. (Y/n) is capable of making decisions.."

"I don't want them to go."

"..on their own because— wait, what?"

Himeko chuckles dryly. "I don't want (Y/n) to go, you know? It's selfish thought, I know. But, it's good to be selfish once and a while now, right?"

That was a half baked lie. First of all, Himeko fully supports what (Y/n) wants. But Ferr.. isn't exactly known for his patience. Himeko knows full well as soon as (Y/n) steps in the spaceship— he'd pull something like a proposal! A profession, a deal! She's not stupid, Himeko is far from dense. The Scientist knows that the Author has a huge thing for you, and it shows. And knowing Dan Heng? He'd just nod along albeit against it. She can't just stand here and let them distance each other! Himeko's seen it.. that prying gaze of a distraught, pining lover.. the watchful eyes of a lovestruck persona. The only way to get a stubborn man to act, is through tremendous pressure!

Dan Heng's lips pursed.

"And you want me to.."

"You don't have to, really."

"But.. if it will benefit them, should we encourage it? After all, they're energetic and knows their way with words. There must be some sort of good reasoning behind his invitation."

"I don't know. Do you want them to go?"

"I.." Dan Heng couldn't finish his sentence. He couldn't form a response at all. Does he want you to go? If you would enjoy yourself, he'd love to allow it.. If you'd return with a smile on your face, tell him all about what happened, he'd love to receive you with utmost sincere..

Even if it took atleast a hundred years for you to return to him.

...Hundred years his ass! You will not spend a hundred years with that man!

"If (Y/n) wants to, I personally don't see why not." Dan Heng's thoughts actively contrasted his responses. A stubborn man.. Himeko sighs, an apologetic smile on her lips. Finally backing away, the lovely lady puts down her mug and sits straight.

"It's okay to be honest. After all, they.. wish for something."

Dan Heng replies quickly in a heart beat. "I will be honest, then. I want their wish fulfilled."

"Then you better greet them in tip-top shape." Himeko winks saying this, standing up to excuse herself. Dan Heng tilts his head in this, not quite sure if what the she's implying. Himeko only had that knowing smirk on her pristine face. The lady excuses herself promptly, leaving Dan Heng all by himself. The man is once again left alone with his thoughts, except this time, he has new material to work with.

"Great..." He huffs bitterly, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just.. splendid." God, his head hurts. He's tired and he's drowsy. At this point, he doesn't find anything of urgency at the moment— only thinking about grasping that sudden warmth the sofa beneath him exerts. Dan Heng would like to find peace of mind at least once in a while. Both that in mind, his eyes find their way to the Parlor ceiling, half lidded and tired.

Slowly, his breathing calms down.. and slowly, his eyes drift closed, consciousness slipping away from his grasp.

Slowly.. the darkness embraced him, and his body rested in slumber.

You stand a little surprised.

After all, Dan Heng was casually sitting upright— his eyes closed. Is he napping? Is he okay? You're not sure, and you're concerned. Frankly, you were supposed to be here for him— feeling that he deserves at least an apology that you haven't been getting back to his messages in a while. But looking at the sight.. he looks like he's accompanied at the moment.

Such a hard working guard. The guard of the express, the unmatched Archivist of the Nameless.. the one who would always hold your heart gently. You swore if he blew air on your figure, you'd crumble immediately. The only one who'd sway your heart. That's how much power he holds, his whole fingers wrapped around your being with an invisible string keeping you binded to him.

You curb a grin. Strolling near your quarters, you pick up something warm. A blanket. You envelop his stature in a comfortable tuck, pausing for a moment to take in the melancholic state Dan Heng's exhibiting. The handsome prince's eyes fluttered closed, lips slightly apart. If he's sitting upright sleeping, then he must be atleast tired enough to sleep but still be on his feet.

But he doesn't know that, he doesn't need to.

"Ah.." was all Dan Heng could muster. You look back at him in a awe, but quickly recovered. You didn't remove his hands on your wrist, you held onto them instead. The archivists eyes softened, his brows relaxing. You attempt to give him a smile, defusing the tension.

Your sightseeing was cut short when Dan Heng started to stir, his eyes fluttering open. It was for a short moment, the first those greyish teal eyes found their way towards yours.. and the way they slightly widened upon meeting gazes with you, Dan Heng's slender, warm fingers slowly snuck their way toward your wrist; apprehending their movements further. Dan Heng held onto you like you were unreal, like you were unbelievable. Oh, he looks stricken. He looks.. almost as surprised as you. Dan Heng doesn't say anything yet, the blanket that was once on him fell off just a little while ago.

"Hey. Sorry. It looks like I woke you up.." You offer an apologetic smile. He quickly shakes his head at this, responding to you in haste.

"No.. no. Don't apologize."

"I have a lot of apologizing to do."

"No, you.." before he could finish, he cuts himself off. Why must he be so accepting? He keeps brushing his feelings aside, and before he knows it, he utters something he doesn't even mean. No, he's not okay. No, it's not fine. You upset him greatly. He couldn't focus on anything because you weren't answering his messages. Your phone was unreachable.

You had Dan Heng worried sick. What if something happened to you? You reckless, Trusting, thick skulled—

"Everything good?"

Your voice immediately snaps him out of his thoughts. Dan Heng let's out a small breath, his hands still clutching yours. He was still sitting down, and you were towering over him. God.. just by your gaze alone, he's already so full. If you could just stay with him a little longer, he feels like this churning in his stomach would go away soon. He wants you so bad, he needs you so bad.. he doesn't want you to let go anytime soon.

To your surprise, Dan Heng himself removed his hold on you. His movements were slow and languid, like a flow of water within the rivers. Moving in chorus, mellifluous.. elegantly. You can't take your eyes off him at all. Dan Heng clung to your waist. His warm body enveloped your lower half, nuzzling deep into your stomach. You let out a surprised yelp.

Suddenly, your face is hot. Your stomach was dancing with abundant butterflies, and you don't know where to put your hands. As if the archivist could read your mind, his hands led yours into his head, fingers entangling itself into those dark locks. They were so soft.. so warm and lovely. Your hands run through his hair gently— cherishing just how close he is to you at this moment. What's up with him? He seems to be a little more laid back.

Dan Heng shifts in his place. That's when he finally looks up at you. His arms around you, eyes looking directly at yours. You could see his expression.. eyes soft. Gentle. A slight pout— face flushed. It looks like he wants to say something, and it's still processing in that pretty head of his.

Dan Heng's hold on you tightens, you didn't fail to notice. He wants to be selfish for once. Let him be selfish for once. Just once. With a small breath and a soft tone, he finally utters.

"Don't go."

It was getting harder and harder to calm your heart down, and that didn't get any better.

Your heart immediately melts, and your knees almost gave out. What? Go where? Has the rumours already spread? Whatever it was, it's not happening. Especially if he asked you, it's already set in stone. "I won't. Not anywhere." You respond tenderly. Dan Heng's eyes lit up. You swore his fingers even twitched just a little bit. A little more after, his face suddenly scrunched. The archivists' frame was decorated with blazing hues of red. Whatever he's thinking seems to strain him so. Not even bothering to give you time to further analyze, he stands up from his seat, arms still around you. This time, you have no idea what'll he do. Dan Heng's eyes averted yours, hesitantly taking a step closer. My.. your palms are starting to sweat. This is the effect of anticipation.

When he pulled back from you, Dan Heng quickly analyzed your expression to see even a tinge of displeasure. Now you.. face decorated with the hue of peony, looked awe struck. Absolutely enchanted.. bewildered, blown. Gathering your nerves to work back up again, your eyes slowly trailed back to his nervous ones: awaiting your reaction.

"..You can hit me after this." Dan Heng suddenly says, making you tilt your head in confusion. So carefully, he cupped your cheeks. Whatever that was you were going to say was caught in your throat. There was a bubbling feeling in your chest, waiting to pop open; and as soon as his lips brushed past yours, it popped so beautifully vibrant it blinded your vision for but a moment. As your eyes fluttered closed and his eyes half lidded, he greedily drank the sight of you from his eyes.

Dan Heng's eyes widened once you grabbed his collar— smashing your lips back to his. The kiss you've given him burned with fervor, impatient, like you've been yearning for more. You were starved of his lips— like a lone hawk hunting for aeons.

Now that the opportunity presented itself, might as well make the most of it.

The archivist had a hard time keeping up with you, keeping the both of you straight by holding the small of your back. Your arms were in Dan Heng's chest— eagerly taking him in yours. By the time you both ran out of air, you were standing in amidst the parlor car— with the stars accompanying the moment being the sole witness. You could hear Dan Heng's heartbeat whilst you rest your head on his chest. Clutching his jacket, it was tempting to go for another one again.

There was silence. A lot of words hung out in the air. The first to cut through the already light air around you was you.

"For how long?"

Dan Heng breathed heavily, burying his nose into your hair. He thinks about it for a long time before finally answering.

"Quite a while."

i went a little overboard sorry! (⁠●⁠´⁠⌓⁠`⁠●⁠) edited it a lil bit

[holly-the-trash-writer]

Spencer Reid x Famous!Reader

Synopsis: After your home is broken into by a stalker, your bf cheats, the FBI is called, and a new romance begins to take over.

Told through Instagram posts.

TW for mentions of stalkers

Part 1. Part 2.

yourinstagram

Liked by zendaya, pgarcia and 67,927,726 others

yourinstagram 🖤🤍 NYC I love you so much

View all 20,716 comments

rarebeauty 😍😍

dovecameron You are the most beautiful human

Liked by yourinstagram

tchalamet A devine being 💫

florencepugh ❤️❤️❤️

y/n.is.queen I MISSED YOUR SMILE!

woketh.teen She looks so happy to be back on stage

and.what. The crowd went CRAZAY. The energy was unbelievable! So happy I was there!!!!!!

y/n.gossip That group hug tho 🥹

Comments on this post have been limited

yourname.stan

Liked by 6,531 others

yourname.stan SHE'S BACK! 😭😭😭😭

View all 382 comments

kiki.kiwi The way they all held hands at the start of the show killed me. I cried so much.

nerdymcnerd No. But I swear I saw that FBI agent dancing to her songs!!!

dracoandme PICS WHERE?!?!?!

y/ns.army I need to see this!!!

onabreak The romance is BLOOMING

pgarcia @theemilyprentis 👀

y/n.updates

Liked by y/nnnn, d.morgan and 5,927 others

y/n.updates YOU GUYS!!! Y/N JUST POSTED THIS ON HER IG STORY THIS MORNING 😍😍

Story reads "☀️Sunshine☀️ and Road tripping with my new friend. Meet Spencer."

View all 1,826 comments

sasha.mac She is a Goddess!! A Queen!! 👑

gucci.goddess He legit looks like a Spencer 🤣

fanfic.reader I smell romance in the air 💕💕

jd.dj He's her FBI body guard. Stop.

ooh.bratz Can he be mine next😭😍

bye-felicia THOSE HANDS 🤩

carter.nation Took no time did she 🤣

_isla Matt literally cheated on her. You can't say shit.

bubbles It's sad she can't just be her own person and be single. You don't need a man girl. Chill.

lame-o She can do what she wants??

celebgossip

Liked by user82 and 9,952 others

celebgossip During Y/n's show tonight, her third show back since her temporary shock hiatus, the star broke down in tears while singing Almost is Never Enough. During which the crowd came together and sang the rest of the song for her.

View all 972 comments

itsmemario She must be feeling so much pain right now but I hope she feels comforted by her fans being there for her

y/ns.army I watched the video and when she sang So close to being in love. Her voice cracked and she tried to power through but she just broke down 💔💔

keyboardwarrior Why did she come back if she was just gonna cry for 90% of her show? Waste of money. Waste of time. Get yourself sorted and then come back.

ryanslife Your mum must be proud.

gigglegiraffe She's allowed to have feelings?

hater482 Exactly. Imagine going to a concert and they're just crying. Just don't sing that song?

daydreamer She sings love songs dipshit

y/nfan I just want to hug her so bad 😭

y/nupdates

Liked by y/nismother and 2,826 others

y/nupdates Y/n posted these to her story 10mins ago!! She's spoiling us. She's writing new songs. Going out. And having fun with her FBI agent Spencer.

y/nfan WHOOOOOS BUYING HER FLOWERS?!

bi.bi.bi Herself?

freakygirl Imagine if it was the stalker?!

queenie.me Doubt it. They probably check her mail and shid.

spillthetea Maybe Spencer? 👀

enews

Liked by teaspill and 29,8364 others

enews BREAKING‼️ Dash cam footage was leaked today showing FBI agents arresting a man outside Y/n's New York apartment.

We've reached out to the BAU team and Y/n's management for comment.

y/n.updates OMG THEY GOT HIM!!!

bi.bianca Thank GOD!!! She can breathe now 😭

queenie.me Those agents saved her GOD damn life. 😭

y/nnnnn I'm so happy rn. She's safe ❤️

imdreaming Sending so many prayers to her 🙏🏼

vampdiary Spencer I'd HAWT ngl

thirstay Girl literally!!!

freeshavocadoo The way he swerved him too. That agent got rizz.

yourinstagram

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yourinstagram the light inside my universe now

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dr.s.reid

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dr.s.reid 🩷

p.garcia The CUTEST 😭🥰 so glad it's Official!!!

dr.s.reid She is and so am I.

emilyprentiss @p.garcia I told you!!

p.garcia I just couldn't believe!!

derekmorgan Pretty Boy got gameee

jen.jarau Spence I'm so happy for you!!

[pink-tea]

THE SUB TXT AGENDA IS SO DRY!! i need to know about how txt with a noona partner so bad 💔

sorry for how late this ended up being! school haunts everybody at some point, but i wanted to say hello and thanks for being my first ask!! i was so excited to see this because literally all of txt would crumple at the hands of an older woman. i hope this was ok cause writing for all 5 for the first time was a little intimidating- <3

☆minors dni

☆ rating: 18+, nsfw

☆ warnings: dom! reader, sub! txt, older! reader, yeonjun: wall sex, soobin: consensual(?) slut shaming, implied thigh riding, beomgyu: riding, hair pulling, minor choking, taehyun: dry humping, hueningkai: little bit of a sexual crisis, comfort

yeonjun

ღ when it comes to having an older partner, i don't think it would be that obvious for yeonjun in the sense that he's mature enough to keep up

ღ the two of you would feel like a really put together couple, just cause even with his astounding amounts of energy, yeonjun isn't as immature as he may seem

ღ however, his partner would have the ability to reign him in a sense

ღ those times where the members tease him to the point where his brows furrow and his lips jut out into a pout, that's where you step in

ღ a small rub of your thumb on the back of his hand or on his shoulder, smiling softly before pressing a finger gently on the crease between his brows ("you'll get wrinkles")

ღ yeonjun's old enough to where he knows how to take care of himself and act like the oldest, but it's those times where he wants to feel cared for that make him adore his noona

ღ especially in the bedroom, where you have all the power over txt's oldest member

ღ pinning him to wall because he just couldn't wait for you to toss him on the bed, his whines and mewls reaching your ears as you kiss and suck at his neck

ღ in my hierarchy of who's the type to say "noona" in the bedroom, yeonjun comes in at solid number 2

ღ "noona please, i need more," he's pleading with you, gasping as you grab one of his legs to hike up on your waist, pressing him further against the cold wall of your apartment

ღ "more? my yeonjun thinks he deserves more for how hard he worked today, needs a de-stresser before he has to stay away from his noona again?" you hum, yeonjun's arms coming to wrap around your shoulders

ღ he tugs you closer to him, nodding into your shoulder as he desperately grinds his hips up into yours

ღ "i'm gonna miss you so much tomorrow, i want to be with you now," he admits softly, his words melting down any intention of being mean to him into a giant gooey puddle

ღ "yeah?" you ask, dropping yeonjun's leg in favor of sliding a hand down to palm at him through his jeans, your other grabbing at his wrists to hold over his head

ღ he likes the way you make him feel cared for in both his emotional and sexual needs, he doesn't have to always keep it together because his noona will be there to fix it for him and tell him how good of a job he did trying

ღ so now, head thrown back, with his wrists pinned above his head and tears threatening to slip cause he just wants to be inside of you soo bad, yeonjun feels the most at bliss (at your mercy)

ღ "guess i'll just have to make sure your body remembers me while you're gone," you smile, swallowing his moans with a kiss as your hand slips in underneath his pants

soobin

ღ if someone asked me to declare only one member in txt as a sub, it would be soobin

ღ if someone asked me who would use the word "noona" the most in the bedroom, it would be soobin

ღ he's so big and tall that it's just a little comical that he isn't the one taking control of your relationship, but we all know that it just fits his nature so well

ღ his dynamic with yeonjun makes me think of him being cheeky with his older partner, teasing and appealing with his cute side (cause lord knows how embarrassing it is when he purposefully tries to appeal with his sexy side)

ღ but my thing is that he probably messes up on accident, making you have to punish him while he tears up and swears to you "no no i didn't mean it!"

ღ "what? you didn't mean to give those "fuck me" eyes to everyone? are you sure? cause maybe you just like seducing older women with how easy you are," you mock, looking down at soobin from the cushioned chair he's currently sitting on

ღ he looks so guilty, his eyes are so big and watery and he just looks so panicked

ღ it's good that you know how much he loves to beg for it

ღ "noona, no, i promise, i wasn't trying to make you mad!" he cries, leaning forward in an attempt to reach you

ღ "you weren't trying to make me mad? but you still knew you were doing something wrong, didn't you?" you huff, watching the gears in soobin's head desperately try to figure out what to do

ღ you grab his chin before he can figure out what to say, putting pressure on the sides of his face as you grab him

ღ "you know i don't like being mad at you, but i didn't plan on having to deal with you telling everybody how much you'd love to spread your legs open for them," you scold him, knowing damn well that all he did was give people his natural puppy eyed look, you were just possessive

ღ but he loves it, doing his best to shake his head in your hand

ღ "nonono, i'm yours, i'd only open my legs for noona!" he insists, tears finally starting to slip down and land in your palm

ღ "is that so?" you coo, watching him nod and look up at you oh so desperately

ღ you force his legs open with yours, sneaking your thigh to press right up against his already noticeable arousal

ღ "then show noona how good you can get off with just her thigh," you smile prettily, forcing a high pitched whine from the man's throat

beomgyu

ღ acts on the age difference as much as possible

ღ constantly teasing you, playing up his childish nature to a point that sometimes it gives you headaches

ღ prone to falling into sub space, just wanting you to take care of him, tell him that he’s perfect, that he’s all you’ve ever wanted

ღ as his noona you take care of him and make him feel safe, you have the ability to take the power from him when he just can’t handle it, and because of that he trusts you with his heart more than himself

ღ however, this also means that you have to punish him when he misbehaves

ღ beomgyu who flutters his lashes and pouts his lips at other people, making their eyes wander and their words get stuck in their throat as he shamelessly flirts with them in front of you

ღ if beomgyu wanted your attention, he could've just asked for it, but now he has to learn the hard way that your attention doesn't come without consequences when he misbehaves

ღ "fuck! fuck, noona, please! please i'll behave now, i'll be good," he cries, borderline screaming as you gyrate your hips down into his

ღ "that's the thing, pretty boy," you sigh, reaching to grab fistfuls of beomgyu's hair as you ride him relentlessly, cruelly

ღ "you need to learn to listen the first time i tell you to do something," you tut, yanking the man's head back to expose his prominent adam's apple

ღ he sobs at the motion, palms grabbing and clawing at your hips as you chase your own pleasure on his dripping cock

ღ he's lost how many times he's cum now, all he knows is that it hurts, but fuck it hurts so good

ღ "so since you don't want to listen to me after the second time, or the third, or even the seventh," you hiss, slowing your speed in order to fuck him slow and hard

ღ beomgyu's squirming in your hold, gasping and whining as your warm cunt swallows him in and holds him, a punishment disguised as heaven

ღ "then maybe i just have to fuck you so dumb that you won't make the same mistake after the seventh, maybe even tenth orgasm, you understand?" you ask, placing open mouth kisses along his throat as his nails claw at your back

ღ you take a hand from his hair to place it right under his chin, lightly grabbing his throat and pushing his head back into the mattress, forcing his eyes to snap open as they stare up at you all glossy and fucked out

ღ "do you understand?" you repeated, beomgyu shakily trying to nod in your hold

ღ "yes noona, yes!" he groans, feeling his nth orgasm climb up on him as you use the grip on his throat and hair for leverage

ღ his noona has to know when to take charge and let him know that he can't just do whatever he wants, while still making sure that he knows just how much he's loved (even if you have to punish him) <3

taehyun

ღ ahhh so difficult! honestly i didn't think age would matter too much when it came to a relationship with taehyun, but then i remembered him and yeonjun's dynamic

ღ so cute, god he's so so so cute

ღ he's not the type to call you noona in bed as much, but when you two are walking around, window shopping and tasting whatever sweet treat is sold by vendors, he loves to use it

ღ you don't mind it either, even if it does mean your wallet gets lighter and lighter every time taehyun looks at you with eager eyes and a cheery smile

ღ it feels like taehyun lets himself be relaxed, just a little more childish around you

ღ you just adore him, which is why he melts into your palm as you hold his face, swiping your thumbs under his eyes in a soothing gesture as the two of you sit on the couch

ღ there's a movie long discarded as you press your lips sweetly against his, the two of you biting lips and swiping tongues in a teasing mess of saliva

ღ it's meant to be fun and sweet but soon you're pinning taehyun against the cushions, hearing his whines and his groans as you trail your kisses along the sensitive skin of his shoulder and neck

ღ "you're so pretty, tae, you know that?" you hum, feeling the man shiver underneath the vibration of your voice

ღ you're feeling up his biceps, feeling them flex underneath you, feeling the power that he possesses but chooses to relinquish under your lead

ღ "you make me feel pretty," he admits, smiling up at you breathlessly in a way that makes both your heart and your clit throb

ღ soon, you're grinding down on him, feeling those arms wrap around you and desperately pull you closer

ღ whispers of "please please, feels so good, you make me feel so good"

ღ he's clingy during sex, wanting to feel warm and safe and protected under your touch, whether you choose to be gentle like now or mean and harsh like when he spends all your money knowing you can't say no to him

ღ he's cumming underneath you, untouched besides the friction of his jeans against your sweatpants, and as you lean back to try and get a better angle for your own pleasure, a hand wraps around your wrist

ღ soon you're looking down a taehyun's cheeky smile as his hand starts to slide down your stomach to where his thumb can press shyly against your clothed clit

ღ "i want to make nonna feel good too"

ღ he’s looking up at you through the dyed fringe of his bangs, his fingers moving up to tug lightly at the band of your sweatpants, as if asking for permission

ღ and it's so fucking hot but the little ":D" of his smile is too cute in contrast

hueningkai

ღ hueningkai literally makes up the oxygen i breathe oml

ღ but anyways, with his noona i feel like he'd want to overcompensate just a little bit

ღ yes he's cute and he's fun, but sometimes he tries a little too hard to appear manly and dependable around you just because of what people have drilled into his head

ღ you don't notice until he's flushing red and leaning back away from one of your more forward touches in public, something that makes you tilt your head in curiosity

ღ you don't address it then, simply hanging onto his arm as you two navigate the busy streets

ღ but then you're undressing him in the doorway of your shared apartment, sucking hickeys into the sweet skin of his neck as you practically tear apart the buttons of his shirt

ღ his hands are gripping all over you as he whines, trying to anchor himself by holding onto your shoulders as he lets himself get pushed back into the bedroom

ღ it's not until you're on top of him, heart eyed and salivating at the sight of his flushed cheeks, fucked out look, and bruised lips that he finally acts on what he's been thinking about all day

ღ "noona..." you almost have to strain your ears to hear him but soon enough you're freezing your hands and listening to what he has to say

ღ "i want to try to lead," he finally admits, brown eyes big and full of hesitation as he waits for your response

ღ all those small signs that have piled up throughout the day suddenly make sense, and after a few moments of consideration, you nod

ღ you try to calm down his worries with a smile, and maneuver your position to where hueningkai's hovering above you as you sink into the cushions

ღ "go ahead then, beautiful," you giggle, reaching up to play with a few loose strands of his hair as he tries not to let the nickname go straight to his dick

ღ nervously, he begins to fumble with your clothes, hands shaking lightly as he wrestles with the buttons of your top

ღ his frustration is evident and soon enough there's tears welling up in his eyes and he whines out a tangle of "i'm sorry" "i don't know what i'm doing" "i'm sorry, noona"

ღ it's heartbreaking to see him cry outside of pleasure, and gently you return to your previous position, cradling his face between your palms as you straddle his waist

ღ "it's ok," you coo, wiping away any stray tears

ღ "who told you that you had to lead?" you asked the elephant in room, the feeling of him flinching underneath you telling you that he himself had been digging his own mental grave this entire day

ღ "i don't know," he mumbles miserably, suddenly gasping as your hand sweetly cups his still growing hard-on

ღ "if you don't know, then i guess i'll just have to make sure you don't know the answer to anything else, kay'? i'll make you forget all about wanting to lead, since you''ll be too busy getting fucked good to even think about anything else," you smile, rendering hueningkai speechless and wide eyed before your touch sends him squirming and moaning in your hold all over again

ღ he's still young and getting used to the fact that him being a sub is completely fine, just be there to guide him and swallow up his broken moans of "noona, please, touch me, touch me please!" when the time comes when he comes

[jwirecs]

Recommended Seventeen Fics of April 2023💖

hello, hello! here are my recs for seventeen for april! hopefully these beautiful stories get more recognition as well as the writers 💝

** anything in parentheses and bolded are my thoughts that can be disregarded if needed **

🔞smut || 💔angst || 💕fluff || ✅completed || 🔄ongoing || 💯favorite

ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP AU

Coming Home || @here4btsfics​🔞💕✅

↳ Your boyfriend’s flight is delayed and he won’t be home for Valentine’s Day. Your boyfriend is also a notorious liar.

Good Vibrations || @joonminshua​​🔞✅

↳ You and Jeonghan have been together for a couple of years and share a lot of the same kinks, so when he first mentioned it, it sounded fun….Now it can best be described as the cruelest form of edging he’s ever inflicted on you.

Light A Flame || @euphor1a​​🔞💕🔄

↳ you weren’t exactly planning on getting freaky so early in a relationship, especially after everything you went through. well… let’s just say that plans don’t always work out (when your new boyfriend is way too good at getting you all hot and bothered).

Lose My Mind || @here4btsfics​🔞💔✅💯💯💯

↳ you can only deal with your fiancé’s antics for so long before you finally give up.

OTHER AU

Down Bad (So So Bad) || @lovelyhan​​​🔞💕✅💯

↳ it’s not like you’re curious about how the word would taste in your mouth whenever seungcheol calls himself daddy while talking to kkuma. nope. definitely not.

My Guardian Demon Sucks At His Job (Not Clickbait) || @shuaflix​​🔞✅

↳ just when you thought your luck couldn’t get any worse, you accidentally manage to summon an ancient demon prince named jeonghan out of a scrap of paper from your statistics textbook. now, you’re tasked with figuring out how to return your so-called “guardian demon” back to where he came from before he can stir up more trouble.

Pre-Workout || @kevinsluvr​​ ​🔞💕✅💯💯

↳ mingyu works out everyday because his fans love his muscles. but today, he's lacking enough energy to want to go. so he asks you for some.... pre-workout.

The Selfish Dilemma || @joonsytip​💕💔🔄

↳ It was love at first sight ever since you laid eyes on Jeonghan. To him, you are the annoying co-worker who keeps asking him out. No one is new to your courting agenda which only pisses off Jeonghan but what happens when you stop, all at once....

To X, With Love || @shuahoonie​​💕💔🔄💯

↳ music can elicit inspiration just as much as words. this mini-series contains a list of imagines that are inspired by a series of love songs. this is my love letter to you.

Underlying Pretense || @lovelyhan​​ 🔞✅💯💯💯

↳ being two of the most popular streamers across the board. your subscribers often speculate if your constant bickering with wonwoo has some underlying pretense. little did they know, the two of you have everything on display on a single, unsuspecting twitter account (sequel is Favorite Poison, do give that a read too!!)

Yours, But Not Yours || @gyukult​​🔞💕💔🔄💯

↳ when a nice guy gets too overbearing, you’re stuck with the option of having a fake boyfriend.

STRANGERS TO LOVERS AU

Naughty Cat Of The Week || @seungkwansphd​​​​​💕✅

↳ jun loves checking the naughty & nice cat of the week updates at your animal shelter. occasionally a rogue opossum makes the rounds and he can't help but ask you about it.

Do check out all of the other Group Fics that i have reblogged as well!!

** if there is any fics that you guys would like to recommend, please do! i am slowly running out of fics to read **

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Not sure how to view Chris anymore and it’s sad. At this point whatever the “truth” is, it doesn’t matter.

I’m just floored at how someone could be so weak to get into this mess and not “be able to get out”and it’s easy to say oh it’s hard for him to get out but he’s at least trying to show this is fake, yet he was bold enough to lie to the world about being married?

Make that make sense?

Like how the fuck do they clean this up at all?

It’s like reality and illusions are morphing together and I honestly don’t know who the fuck this man truly is and maybe that’s the way it should’ve always been.

We get wrapped up in this shit mainly due to the way of the world and due to Hollywood and capitalism, etc, but we have to take accountability by finally choosing to not fall for seeing other mere mortals as anything but human.

If you take any random person off the street, clean them up, give them a great marketing team, BOOM you have a new celebrity. It’s all a big awful joke of illusion.

No more rose colored glasses. It’s to the point fandoms and celebrity today is seeing a blue sky but being duped into believing it’s green.

Unfortunately most will never understand the above and never take those glasses off.

This applies to fans, non fans and just the overall population of the world who are willing and unwilling and unaware at how impacted we all are by celebrity culture. A headline makes waves or something goes viral and we ALL stop our lives to read or listen about it and many hop online to discuss and argue with others over various things, not once seeing the reality……you’re taking time out of YOUR life to focus on someone who doesn’t even know you exist, wasting YOUR time discussing crap about someone else who is living their life and getting rich off of you and someone who uses media to stay relevant through…..Y-O-U!

*breaks rose colored glasses* for good.

💔👓

#EnoughIsEnough

Same, An🫶n. Honestly before I was sucked in here, Chris was the ideal guy for me... Ofcourse, Papa was right. He told me once that "I shouldn't place anyone on a pedestal, because anything placed that high, is meant to break."

I've got nothing but love for Chris and his work. But the way this is all spun, real or not, I'm not sure if I can keep adoring him as a person.

Like I've said before, we can't exactly blame Chris, alone for getting into this mess in the first place. But if those breadcrumbing and hinting on his end isn't true (the hope and rumor that he's telling us that anything about the wedding is fake, etc.), An🫶n is right.

He's not a saint, but he's not a demon either. But the thing is, he isn't going to be just Chris Evans, the actor we all love and adore. The actor we'll be happy for when he gets his small victories. Whose dog is one of the best things on the internet during this whole mess right now.

He's also going to be Chris Evans, the guy who "married" a racist, who's friends have baited the entire Fandom. The guy who couldn't save his fans from tearing at each other. The guy who let this get so out of hand, that the one place that should've been safe for us to escape to, and enjoy everything, disappeared in mere months.

I'm planning to stick around, because I know for a fact, a ton of you were here for the fan-made stuff. The fanfics, fanarts, discussions about characters, etc.

I came here for that too. Doesn't mean I'm giving up this whole thing. But I'm going to take time to go back to the fun part. Because honestly, my page has turned into an analysis page😅 it's 70% rant posts about the bullshit pr, and 30% me and my fics...

Bro! I intended to make fucking fics before 250 Followers Celebration comes... But I'm way behind... Partly, because of life. And partly because the second something goes down, I drop nearly everything, and focus so much time and energy on this.

So, I'm not saying drop him or any celeb completely. I'm saying we need to tone down our idolization, because it may have gotten to the point where it isn't healthy.

For the sake of your health, mental and otherwise, Fandom. Take time to enjoy what you love about this Fandom. And please don't say anything about tearing the PR Narrative, because even I have to admit, it takes it's toll.

Again, not backing down, or stepping down. Just giving myself time to take care of me, and spend time with my family while they're still alive.

I don't know if this Christmas season will be the last that I get to spend time with any of them, so I'm going to make sure I live every minute with them. And not stuck in this hole I've dug myself for months, since the wedding announcement.

And you should all do that for yourselves, guys. Take the time, and make it count.

[hyuuukais]

im not sure if u have felt it today but …. i have been psychically hugging u :33 just in case u missed it — i shall give you a visual to work with. sending u hugs to and from channie. because we all know he gives the best hugs and we all know u deserve the best hugs (yes i asked everyone don’t challenge me on this)

gonna get sooo sappy for a second (u can answer on priv if u want lmao) but lake, you are positively awesome. you are an amazing friend. you are funny. you are talented. you are loved by so many who see your worth and want you in their lives!! i hope that if you’re feeling down that you get the comfort you need and receive the same giving and kind energy that you are constantly sending out into the world. i know life isn’t perfect and sometimes things change (for worse or for better) despite that, i still hope you find little bits of sunshine everywhere you go!!

u got this !! the twins (+ channie n lino) and i are rooting for u !!

releasing this ask into the wild 💔 no but fr i was kind of going through it for a second (and .. kind of still am if we're honest here) and have been going back to this ask to just reread it and rewatch the channie clips 🥹🫶

you mean so so so much to me you sweet, kind, caring, loving individual. also yes, i did download all of the sunshine twin photos 🤭 this is definitely something i will still be going back to on those hard days when i need a boost. i am so thankful to have u in my life :((

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

Pff..im an apple serpent that's fantastic.

Ahhgfn..its okay, you can wake up earlier tomorrow,,,! You werent meant to wake up early today trust..you needed the sleep I'm sure..

Bwhh..he reminds me a lot of how I used to be when I was in middle school. So ch7 was increasingly more tragic for me. His growth warmed my heart ugghhfh..it's his first time living too. He's always much,,much more of his own person and even more enjoyable in events without malleus. (Ahem harveston..)

I love him,,I used to despise him but Sebek,,you silly guy..💔

Good evening... Selky! I apologize for responding so late. Time just... Slips away from me. Water that glides through my fingers and suddenly I find myself in a drought. I would rather be drowning... I have to get up early for work. But I find myself unable to sleep. I... Am having car troubles. My tire... Is going to burst... And I have a small day trip coming up... And my rent... Ahhhh... I have to admit something... I am going to be moving again soon. Changing living locations again... And I am sick of it already. I hate packing and moving. It is inconvenient and hot. I dislike it... But it is not fair to vent my troubles. I want to have fun with everyone. For now, I want you to giggle. I smoked a bowl (marijuana) and inhaled so hard I swallowed. And I managed to burp a cloud of smoke as if I was a cartoon character. Life is fantastic and I enjoy it's ups and downs.

Chapter 7 is extremely sad from what I am seeing with the dreams and every update on the Japanese server. I am excited to get the cards and all of their updates. I am going to shake with glee as I wait for Ruggie's. If he cries? I will cry... But... I also hope he looks cool and strong... An irritated face even if he's... Actually. I want to make a prediction.

I don't think Ruggie will cry in his card. Ruggie and I grew up similarly; "There will be a day when no one will dry your tears for you. You have to do it yourself." I think... Even if he wants to cry he can't waste the energy. He can't waste the time. He is strong all by himself. And he knows it. I want to see him being cool. I don't want him to sob. But I want to see what a harsh upbringing can do to someone. And how it can change the way they express emotions. This includes bottling and turning sadness into frustration/anger.

I am under the influence... So I had gotten side tracked... Ah... Forgive me Sebek... I think you are a very good boy. I hope to see you do your best.

[thousand-winters]

Getting to Know You Meme

Tagged by @ygodmyy20 thank youuu 💕

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

Nope. And as much as I joke about getting a partner for couple's cosplay, I honestly don't care that much ahaha. Arospec and all

02) What was your dream growing up?

Mmmm, in general? I think most often I dreamed about being a writer professionally, but I had so many dreams. Kind of an overachiever little kid, I thought knowing fractions at 5yo was gonna get me far ahaha (it did not 💔)

03) What talent do you wish you had?

At this point I'm consider being able to identify your own emotions and where they come from a talent because oh, boy, am I bad at that. It would sure help me.

04) If someone bought you a drink what would it be?

I'm not sure if I'm missing context here but... a juice box? That's what my friends always say they would get me ahaha

05) Favorite vegetable?

Oh, I adore broccoli. Texture and flavor wise it's just so nice

06) What was the last book you read?

Clockwork Prince around the beginning of the year, if I'm not mistaken. I haven't followed through with actually finishing my reread of that trilogy, oof, too many things to do

07) What zodiac sign are you?

Aquarius

08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

No, but I want to get the Flapjack tattoo one day, and a close friend and I are planning to get matching parabatai rune tattoos eventually. They're kinda waiting on me for that one

09) Worst Habit?

Not stopping to breathe and relax when I'm having trouble regulating my emotions, sometimes I just explode and get stressed and feel like the world is out to get me and I really need to work on that

10) What is your favorite sport?

I did not have one but dressage looks so very cool ahahaha

11) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?

I used to be a pessimistic and most of the time I say I'm a realistic, but honestly? I'm sick and tired of my own mind tripping me up so lately I've been trying to be optimistic no matter what, I think it's helped me a little

12) Tell me one weird fact about you.

I feel like I'm pretty standard for a person ahaha. Mmmm, opinion has it I can imitate a cat meowing perfectly? If that counts?

13) Do you have any pets?

Oh, absolutely, I have 13 cats. Yes, it is a little messy as you can expect, but because I spend so much time at home, they're pretty comfortable and happy, honestly

14) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

... Annoying. I actually spent some time reflecting on why and I realize clowns always took it personally when I wouldn't find them funny and double down to try and make me laugh and I just couldn't pretend and it stressed me out 😭 Having my LOL arc moments at children parties...

15) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

It took me SO long to be okay with how I look because I used to have some pretty bad internalized racism and as my ex put it, I look, well, Mexican ahaha. They knew just looking at my face. But anyway now I'm pretty happy with my looks mostly, though I've had eyebags since I was a child and they never go away, so... honestly I would like not to have them

16) What color eyes do you have?

Dark brown/black? Obviously not pitch black but you gotta look really close to notice the separation between iris and pupil so I thiiink that counts as black?

17) Ever been arrested?

Nah

18) Bottle or can soda?

Can soda, they are nice

19) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

I would save it, honestly

20) What's your favorite place to hang out at?

I don't think I have one? I like anywhere that has somewhere I can sit and where it can be quiet in case I run out of energy

21) Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah, it comes free with the culture /j. No, yeah, I kinda do? Maybe not so passionately but I think spirits are such a soothing thought

22) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Writing, talking to people, playing videogames and reading

23) Do you swear a lot?

Depends. In English I do, a lot. In Spanish I can't do it, I use the baby version of swears, which is fun tbh, there are studies on this

24) Biggest pet peeve?

People who make everything about themselves to the detriment of others. We're all a little obsessed with ourselves, alright?Iit's healthy to be so you don't fall in the self-deprecation trap. But when you start to not leave space for others and just think about yourself, it gets annoying really fast, and it can manifest in so many ways and all of them drive me crazy ahaha. We're social creatures! Community creatures! You gotta remember your wishes and feelings don't matter more than others' so you don't start stomping all over them

25) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

Emotional as well

26) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

Yeah, sure. I think it can be a sweet thing, if it is for me varies in my head every time, but at the very least I think it can be such a beautiful thing in general

27) Favourite and least favourite food?

Favorite is a hard one... I don't have a set favorite food but I like the typical food here so much, honestly, reasons why I can't never move countries, it just makes me so happy. As for least favorite, well... I'm really picky with food due to sensory issues so... there's a lot there but I would say meat? I like meat but it can be cooked in so many ways that I can't eat that it's always safer for me to not have any if I'm not sure about what it is or how it's prepared

28) Do you believe in God?

Not really, at least not an specific one. I sort of believe in higher forces, something not understood yet, which is why I tend to default to saying "gods" in plural whenever I use expletives. I'm not thinking about specific deities but if we're talking divinity I guess I find it more sensical if it's like the forces of nature like in some cultures, instead of one thing that decides everything about life and the universe

29) What makes you happy:

Seeing my cats being silly, sharing interests with friends and being able to create in the way I want

30) Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:

The Crane Wives

31) Favorite place to spend time:

I don't think I have one

32) Favorite lyric:

"And in my worst of days, I want to keep wanting to be kind" (Exotic Monsters - Penfriend)

33) Recommend a film:

I don't watch many movies, honestly. Nimona?

34) Recommend a book:

Hope for the Flowers, by Trina Paulus. I read it as a child and it stuck to me ever since, I reread it many times.

35) Recommend a band, a song, or album:

Recommending Penfriend so hard. Or Eliza Rickman. I just love the kind of melodies and lyrics they both come up with. Penfriend particularly is a very small artist so she definitely could use the support!

36) Recommend a TV show:

Andor! It's Star Wars, but other than some general context, you don't really need to watch the entire SW catalogue of movies and shows or anything, if you have a vague notion of the Original Trilogy and watch Rogue One, you're golden. The show itself is beautifully written, and it has some very well developed themes of fascism, colonialism and racism. There's an undergoing theme of those who have the privilege to choose to fight against these awful systems in place and those for whom the option was never there because no matter how much they try to resist, they get brought back into this struggle they didn't decide. Very relevant to current events in the world, unfortunately.

37) Where are you from, and do you still live there? Where have you lived?

I'm from Mexico and yeah, I have never lived anywhere but where I am right now. I was born like 15 minutes from my house ahaha, everytime I go out I pass through the clinic where I was born.

38) Do you have any pets or animals in your life? How did you find/get them?

Oh, boy. I've had cats, a chicken (I was too little to remember that one tho), three dogs and then more cats. All the cats have been strays that sometimes bring their babies with them, Idk about the chicken, and one of the dogs was bought, but of the other two, one was about to be put down and the other was kept in awful conditions and rescued. Generally I prefer to adopt animals in need because duh

39) What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?

Due to the aforementioned pickiness with food, I don't think I have ever eaten anything super unusual, actually? My parents used to eat crickets but I never dared.

40) How did you 'find' fandom?

I was always in fandom ✨ Sort of. I wrote fic, drew comics and roleplayed with my siblings about the fandoms we liked, since I was very very little. Officially though I got into an anime forum when I was around 10? Which was around the time I found out the concept of fanfic and how my siblings and I weren't unique and super smart for making them ahaha

41) Make a list of 5 things that you see without getting up.

One of my cats. My hairbrush. My phone. My little Kuromi mirror. Hair cream.

My desk doubles as the place I put my care products.

42) How do you style your hair?

Now that I know how to care for my waves/curls more properly, it's either loose or I pin it with a hair clip so it doesn't get damaged. I sometimes do braids or ponytails if it has gotten dirty but it's not often

I get so rambly, I'm so sorry, ahaha. No pressure tagging if you want to do it!!! @oh-cramity-its-amity @justmagicalgirl @neoncherryblossom

[rose-henry]

days four and five

might try and do updates every other day :D

the day before yesterday I went to mcgill and found all of my classrooms so I wouldn’t get lost on the first day or god forbid late for a lecture. one building has 2/5 of my lectures which is convenient.

yesterday was my first day of uni! most classes seem chill and we have midterms and finals (#feelingamerican🇺🇸) some multi choice online and over THREE days. is this what it feels like to be a bio/psych kid, @anastasiaaskitis ?

so come 9:30 I had my first lecture, mathematical logic, in that building, got there at 9:25 and there were ~300 kids trying to squeeze into this lecture hall. I’d been there the day before so I joined the stream and got in safely. sat in the middle of the hall and at 9:35, the lecturer writes ‘algebra’ on the board… and I’m smack bang in the middle of the lecture hall. go figure. I couldn’t stand the embarrassment of standing up and leaving so I sat through it, surrounded by teensy weensy just-graduated-highschool probably homesick teenagers, missing my actual first lecture. go figure!

it was pouring all day so this hill that mcgill is built on turned into a waterfall

in my second, and first that was actually my class, computing lecture, I needed my laptop and pulled it out only to be mortified by the forgotten huge canadian flag sticker from my party two months ago. how embarrassing. imagine if someone showed up at a lecture with a huge aus flag laptop sticker at melbourne uni. I swallowed my shame and ignored it, to have an actually enjoyable and interesting lecture! it seems like it’ll be a difficult class but I’m kinda glad to have somewhere to direct my energy this semester.

thien made this spinach rice for dinner which was yummy and afterwards we watched gossip girl with hot chocolate and some fresh strawbs ☺️ I was a bit sad about not making any friends at all but we move on

today I made this veggie chilli which was kinda a sloppy flop, with quesadillas that weren’t that bad. oh and here’s my $25 supermarket haul which I’m very happy with! #highlightofmyday

our street (very much like sydney road or a slightly less busy brunswick or smith st) is having a festival over the weekend which gives me something to look forward to while thien is playing music with new friends, joining a new running group, and disappearing off to other places. feeling a bit sad about thien seemingly slotting right into this city and uni while I still haven’t made any friends or even learnt anyone’s name.

tomorrow I’ve got two (2) lectures so two (2) chances to meet someone / find a friend. still haven’t met any maddys and terribly missing my melbourne maddy 🥹💔 there is hope though. and if I don’t meet anyone tomorrow I’ll simply ride a bike home and bake a cake or something to cheer me up. in the slums rn but not gonna let this keep getting me down

last week I missed the whole ‘frosh’ (prosh ish) week so I don’t really know anything about anyone or even know how to find clubs or anything. we haven’t had tutes yet and out of my 5 subjects only two of them even have a tute which will start next week. it’s hard making friends in lectures but I’m trying! missing everyone in melb more than anything 😭 one more uni day for this week and then a happy weekend and rest.

love from canada <3

[warmaidensrevenge]

Loss

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Fem!plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

A/N: Today I feel like I need to cry really bad. But I don't like to. It's just a big mess and I look ugly. So I wanted to write something a bit sad. So here goes nothing. I was inspired by Slipknots song Snuff and Jimmy Eat World song Hear You Me. Thanks for reading. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Kay love ya bye.

Warnings: +18 Mentions of death, arguing, drug dealing/use, alcohol use, language, slight body insecurities, oral, smut, hurt, angst, and not proof read and no word count.

One shot

Summary: Tragedy makes you do shit you shouldn't. But your best friend doesn't give up on you. Eddie Munson will do whatever it takes to get you through it.

😔💔

When you first met Eddie he was 14 years old. He had just moved in with his uncle after his mom passed. At first you didn't like him. He was so loud and jittery. Constantly talking. But what made you actually not like him is when he kissed you on a dare. His buddies in the 8th grade dared him to kiss the 7th grade chubby nerdy girl. You were outside your next class reading Where the Red Fern Grows. You had started to cry when the little boy died.

Out of nowhere this kid with a shaved head came and sat next to you.

" Hey what's the matter?" He asked, sounding a little sad.

" Oh. Umm. It's just the book." You mumbled, wiping away your tears.

He plucked the book from your hands and looked over the cover.

" This is about dogs right?"

" Yeah. Kinda."

He looked at you and handed back the book. " You know a pretty girl like you shouldn't be crying. People will think you're a crybaby."

You looked at him to say something but he quickly kissed you.

When he pulled away you were so pissed. You balled up your fist and decked him.

He immediately grabbed his jaw and his eyes filled with tears.

" I-I.. I'm sorry." His voice broke.

You could tell he really was trying not to cry. You felt just a little bad. Maybe he didn't deserve to be nearly knocked out. But then again. This weirdo just kissed you.

You stood up and pointed your finger in his face.

" DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN! YOU CANT JUST GO AROUND KISSING PEOPLE!"

" I-I know s-sorry." He stuttered.

" Next time you do something that stupid. Ask permission!"

You stormed off to the girls bathroom and cried.

Ever since then you could not get rid of Eddie Munson. To him you were his best friend. To you he was merely an acquaintance. The rest of the 7th grade Eddie Munson was around. When he went to highschool he would get dropped off in front of your house just to walk you to and from school.

After school he would stay at yours until his uncle could pick him up. Which annoyed you like crazy. Sure Eddie was funny. But you could not stand him worth a damn.

But your parents did. You didn't know of they actually liked the dork. Or if they felt sorry for him being underprivileged. Either way they always liked having him around. Especially your dad.

You loved your dad more than anything in the world. It was because of him you gave Eddie a chance to be an actual friend. Your dad always gave you so much shit for being rude to Eddie. He would even make fun of you two. Saying one day you guys would get married and have tons of babies. Which you absolutely hated the thought of.

Once you got to highschool you and Eddie bonded more than you cared for. With the same types of problems you guys grew close. When he got older he calmed down. Not by much, but enough for you to actually be able to be in his presence longer than five minutes.

He put all that energy into his campaigns, and he started playing the guitar. Which was nice sometimes. He would go on tangents about how epic his storyline was for every campaign. He would get so theatrical that it was quite funny.

By the time you were a junior, Eddie was a senior. The bullying brought you guys even closer than before. He was bullied for being a "Freak". Long hair and rock music was not your peers norm. But for Eddie and you. It was. He was cool, and very nice. But others refused to see that.

They also refused to see you that way too. They saw nothing more than an ugly fat geek. Yes you were larger than your classmates and you didn't put on pounds of makeup. You liked to read and got straight A's. But you were not ugly. At least that's what Eddie would say.

Did you believe him? Well no.

But he did a lot to keep your mind from putting you down. He really did become a great friend. He was always there. Flirting away. Calling you beautiful all the time. Always play fighting with you, or teased you for being so darn cute. He did things that, from the outside looking in were suspicious. But to you and him you were just really good friends.

You never saw him like that. And to be honest you didn't want to. Sure he was devilishly handsome, and one of the nicest guys. But you just didn't see him that way.

He really was just a friend. Well until he wanted more.

...

He had been a forest firefighter for a majority of his life. And you could not have been prouder. He was the best dad in the whole world.

You were 18 when the unthinkable happened. You were a senior now and Eddie was doing his senior year over again. One afternoon your dad had gotten an emergency call and had to go.

See you knew your dad's job was dangerous. He literally fought fires with fire. He was well liked and a hero to everyone in Hawkins. But to you he was better than Superman.

Every time he went to work you made his crew promise to bring him back. And they did. Every time. Well until they didn't.

The fire was burning through the forest way too fast and with the winds blowing at 50 mph, it just got worse.

Your mom and you were escorted to the highschool gymnasium. All the thirteenth families of your dad's crew were there. People were freaking out and you weren't stupid. You knew something awful happened.

The captain of the fire department came and gave you the worst news you've ever heard.

Your father and his entire crew's bodies were found. They had gotten trapped and couldn't make it out. Your mother fell to the ground and wept.

You didn't believe it. It wasn't true. The guys promised to bring him back. You stood there staring at the door. Waiting for your dad to run in and say it was just a terrible joke. But he never came.

You were angry, and hurt. That you didn't know what to do. You knew your mom needed you then. But you needed something else or someone else. You needed your best friend. This shit you had planned on the drive to his trailer was stupid to say the least. But you need just a moment to get out of your current reality.

...

Eddie had been in love with you from the moment his lips touched yours. Sure it ended with a sock in the jaw. But he was yours then, and still yours now. Did you know that? Hell no. Did Eddie want to tell you? Absolutely not. You were his most trusted and bestest friend. He swore he would never do anything to jeopardize the friendship he tried so hard to build. He worked hard to get your parents to love him and he helped you even when you didn't ask for it. Which was hardly ever. You were very stubborn. But incredibly sweet. Though at first you resist Eddie's friendship. He eventually got you to see him for who he really was. That he wasn't a freak or scary or any of those awful things anyone said about him. However, he liked you and he had to keep you in his life. Even if it was just as a friend.

So he shoved his fondness for you into the deepest part of his heart. But then when you got to highschool you really proportioned out. Yes you were still thicker than most and he would have loved you either way. But you were growing up to be the most beautiful girl he had the pleasure of viewing.

Eddie's affection for you only grew. He always had to compliment you and touch you. Of course only if you would let him. He flirted a lot. He couldn't help it. The girl of his dreams was right in front of him all the time. But as a man of his word. He wouldn't ruin this beautiful friendship with you.

That was until all hell broke loose.

He was home that night. His uncle was at the plant as usual pulling a double. Eddie had just finished writing a new campaign when you came.

Eddie let you in, surprised that you came without calling. Normal when you came over you would call before. Giving him a warning to be decent. But he took it as 'Shit the love of my life is coming and I need to clean'.

When you came in you were off. He could always tell. But this time was different. This time you said stuff he wasn't expecting.

" Eddie. I need you to do me a favor."

" Uhhh okay?" He said taking a seat on the couch.

His eyes followed you back and forth as you paced his living room.

" ok but look. This is going to be...a lot...but I need you."

" What's going on princess?"

You stopped and looked at him letting out a long sigh. " Umm maybe I should just show you."

"Y/n?"

Eddie watched as you went towards his room. He was so confused. Normally you could talk to him. But you were being super cryptic and he was kinda scared.

He got up after a few seconds and followed you. He saw your shoes and socks in the hallway. As he got closer he kept finding more of what you were wearing. Picking them up along the way. When he turned the corner to his room he saw you in his bed.

The way you held his blanket up to your chest he just knew you were completely naked. Seeing your underwear and bra thrown on his dress also confirmed it.

He didn't know what to say. He would be lying if he said this wasn't a dream come true. But seriously what the hell?

" ummm princess. Are you naked?"

" Okay yes...I know this is a lot to ask but I really need you to have sex with me."

He was at a loss for words. Did you really just say that? Were you really in his bed? Naked?!

"I-I"

" Eddie. Please."

" Y/n? What's going on? We...we can't."

" Why?"

"I..."

" You're gonna tell me with all the flirting and all times you said that if I were your girl that you would take care of me. You're gonna say that and not want to take me when I offer?"

" Princess this is...this-"

" A lot to ask. I know. But I need you right now. I need you this way."

He always promised to be there for you. Whatever you need he would always be ready to help. Though he knew something was wrong, he had wanted this for so long.

Eddie closed his door and started to undress. He slid in next to you. Questions eating at him.

" Are you sure?"

"Yes Munson. I want this."

" But it's your first time."

You pulled at his shoulders to face you.

" yeah and I want it to be with you. I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

You looked at him with such adoration. You were right. He would never hurt you. You were his everything.

His best friend part of him kept telling him not to. To talk about what was going on in your head. But his teenage hormones were yelling at him otherwise. See he was a virgin too. He had never seen a boob in real life. Sure he had naughty well used magazines under his bed, along with a couple of porn films he swiped a long time ago. So he knew where things went and how to be safe about it. But he wasn't about to admit it was his first time too.

He hesitated for a second before leaning in and kissing your cheek.

" Is this okay?" He asked

" You can do more. I want you to do more."

Your words made his body shiver. He kissed down your neck as you laid down. His hands were firmly pressed against either side of you. Your hands were clutching the blanket.

As he kissed across your chest a small whimper rang in his ears. He looked up at you worried.

" Touch me Eddie. I want you to touch me."

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when you pushed the blanket down. Revealing your ample breast. They looked so soft and were so big his mouth watered at the sight. One of his hands started to massage your breast.

He just kept looking at you in utter amazement. Your chest covered in stretch marks. Your breasts were spilling out of his hands. God you were more beautiful than he originally thought.

" Can I ... suck on them?"

"umm... y-yeah...s-sure."

He licked his lips before kissing one of your nipples gently. He then opened his mouth and swirled his tongue around it. Suckling with such tenderness. He lightly tugged at the raised nub with his teeth before sucking again. You moaned ever so softly that it gave him goosebumps.

Eddie knew even with his lack of experience, that it takes girls a little bit to get ready. So he was gonna make sure that your body was ready for him. Because his most definitely was. He had waited a long time for this. It's not like he didn't get offers. Because even though people saw him as a freak. Something about him being in a band had girls waiting for him after sets. But he never did anything with anyone. That was because he was saving himself for you. And though he knew you weren't in that state for him, he still wanted you to be his first and last everything.

He was still massaging and kissing and sucking on you when you lifted his head.

" Eddie. Now. I'm ready now."

Shit this was really going to happen. He was so nervous his hands started to shake when he was putting on the condom.

Finally it was on and he was now between your legs. He had to ask one more time.

" Y/n. Are you-"

" Eddie if you ask me again I swear I will leave."

Not wanting that he nodded.

" It might hurt."

After all this time you pulled him down for a deep kiss. He honestly hadn't believed that he didn't even kiss you. But God how badly he needed it. How badly he needed you.

Then it happened. You helped guide him to where you wanted and he went slow. He shut his eyes at this feeling he really couldn't describe. You were so warm and wet. And fuck so damn tight. He could feel himself already there. But he wasn't even in all the way. So he had to stop just to regain control.

Your body shook as his tip went in. It did hurt. But not in a bad way. His stretch was incredible. And when he stopped you wanted more.

" Eddie. God. More...please."

Eddie said a soft fuck as he continued to pushing through. There was a spot where he had to push a little hard making you gasp.

He was scared as hell. He looked up to see you covering your mouth. He stopped again to let you give him the okay.

Once he felt your body relax you nodded. He kept going until he felt a soft spot that made you moan so loud he knew he was hitting that spot.

The beautiful pain that caused made tears fall from the corners of your eyes. This wasn't at all what you expected. Eddie was huge. You hadn't seen or felt a penis before. But you knew that he was big. You weren't sure how it was gonna work but he was doing an excellent job keeping your thoughts at bay.

You need this. This comfort. Sure it was a dumb idea to sleep with your best friend. But at this moment, nothing mattered. It was just you and Eddie.

This felt like it was supposed to happen.

You felt this fire grow deep within you. With every slow thrust of his hips made something happen. And when you kissed him it felt... different.

You were clenching him so tight he couldn't hold back anymore. He felt your body tense again and he knew you were cumming. Your back arched and his hunched as he finally let go.

He slowly pulled out and watched you. He laid down trying to catch his breath. You pulled the blanket back over you to hide yourself and he felt bad.

After what you guys did you were still hiding from him. It was awkward for a few minutes. He got up to grab a towel for you. He took off the condom and discarded it.

When he went back to the room you were getting dressed. He pulled on a pair of grey sweatpants and sat next to you.

You sat there thinking about everything. You just had sex with your best friend. You could swear you would feel different. You thought you would feel bad for basically forcing him to do it. But you didn't. It didn't feel wrong. It actually felt right. It felt...good.

Then your thoughts went dark.

" Princess? Are you okay?"

You could feel Eddie watching you. You wanted to look at him, but now you were ashamed. Not about what just happened, but why it happened.

" N-no."

Now Eddie could think clearly. Did he do something wrong? It sure felt right to him. Should he have just said no? Was this a mistake? No. It felt too good to be.

He looked at you and tears were rolling down your face. He wrapped an arm around your waist and you just turned and buried your face in his chest.

You cried so hard that all he could do was hold you. You had never cried like this before. Your whole body trembled. Your crying made him cry too.

"W-what happened y/n?"

...

Eddie stood next to you two weeks later holding your hand while they buried your father. You were gone. You weren't you anymore. The smile Eddie had loved so much was gone. You were quiet and you cried all the time.

You had stayed with him every night since. He held you as you cried yourself to sleep. You moved like a ghost. He tried to distract you with whatever he could. But nothing was working.

You were a shell of who you used to be. Burying your father was the worst day of your life. You should have been with your mom those two weeks. But for some reason you blamed her for it.

Instead you stayed with Eddie and his uncle. You finally went back to school after the funeral. You roamed the halls like a zombie. Constantly running off to the bathroom to cry. Eddie would have to be the one to find you and calm you down enough to get back to class. He really was your saving grace.

Three months after the funeral you and Eddie started hooking up on the reg. You constantly found yourself either in the back of his van riding him or out in the woods where he sold drugs.

This day in particular you were laying down with your ass on the edge of the table. Eddie was on his knees between your legs going to town.

He'd been at this for the better part of the hour. You guys totally missed lunch and part of class. But it didn't matter. He was a god with his tongue. His touch made you forget about everything. He was working on your fourth orgasm when you sat up on your elbows.

" Munson we're gonna get detention if we don't go back."

He hummed into you, licking and sucking on your clit.

" Haven't even put my fingers in yet." He mumbled

You laid back down and moaned when he slid his long thick fingers into you.

Eddie couldn't get enough of your pussy. The damn thing was intoxicating. To be fair everything about you was. He just loved when you came on his tongue. He could live off your sweet nectar.

When you came for the final time he licked and swallowed every last drop. You sat up and pulled his hand to suck off your juice. Making his cock ache. He wanted to feel your walls hugged him. He wanted to bury his throbbing cock deep into your perfect pussy but you were right. You guys had to go back.

Once you put on your panties you hopped off the table and pulled down your dress. Both of you smirk and walk back.

" Coming tonight?" Eddie asked, shoulder bumping you.

" uh huh."

" Cool."

Eddie didn't know what was going on with you two. But he loved you so he was happy with whatever you gave him. He wanted you to be his girl. But this secret hooking up was making it clear that it was what you wanted for now. He wasn't complaining. He liked being with you like this and other ways too.

All he wished was that he knew what was going on in your head. You didn't talk about your father. Shit you barely talked at all. Which he missed like crazy. He missed the conversations and the laughs. He was determined to get you back by giving you whatever you needed.

It was almost unbelievable when you asked him to get high that night. You had never once wanted to smoke with him. Or drink for that matter. But when you came over you had asked.

When he came back you were naked. He has seen you naked countless times by now. But holy fuck were you so beautiful. Every curve, every stretch mark, all your perfect imperfections. He loved them all.

Of course he wasn't going to say no. He'd been wanting to see what you were like inebriated.

You sat on his couch while he went to his room to get his metal lunch box. He pulled out a perfectly rolled joint and smirked.

You were laying down with a small throw just covering your mid section.

" God princess."

You lifted your arms for him to come to you. He stripped down to his boxers and laid on top of you. His hands were on either side of your face with the joint and lighter in one hand.

" I thought you wanted to smoke."

" I do....But I want you inside me while we do."

" hmm never done this before." He grinned.

You pushed his hair back behind his ears and lifted a bit to kiss his neck. He threw his head back and groaned. You nipped at his neck and lifted your hips to his.

"Fuu.." he moaned when you sucked a small bruise on his shoulder.

He got to his knees and lit the joint taking a long puff. You went for his boxers freeing his cock. He leaned back down and blew the smoke into your mouth.

" Hold it." He whispered

He kissed your cheek down to your neck. You slowly let out the smoke and coughed slightly. He removed his mouth from your chest and took another hit. His lips met yours and he kissed you while blowing the smoke.

He guided himself into you. Sucking a large dark hickey on your chest. Doing this without protection was the new normal for him. The day after you got on birth control you threw away all his condoms.

He moved the blanket barrier because he wasn't close enough.

He did so. Taking one last puff of the joint before putting it out. He blew into your mouth then started to hit that sweet spot just how you liked it. He had you cumming in just a few minutes. He came too. Filling you up with his love. Cumming in you was the best thing in the world to him he secretly wished you would get pregnant so you would always be with him.

" Harder." You moaned.

Once he was done he sat back trying to catch his breath. The weed finally kicked in and you started to giggle. His heart was full at hearing that. It had been so long since you laughed.

" Fuck Munson." You said breathlessly.

" Y-yeah."

He got up and went to get a wash cloth and cleaned you up. You pulled on your panties and shirt. After you laid him his arms enjoying the high. You guys talked and laughed. Reliving all the fond memories you two had together.

"Do you remember when you and your uncle came over for Christmas for the first time?"

Eddie smiled. " Yeah."

He remembered everything about that day. He was almost 16 and it was his very first white Christmas. You and him were in your room. He was showing you his new Megadeth album while you finished knitting his beanie.

He was so happy that day. You had finally started warming up to him and hung out with him. You guys listened to the music and just talked about what to expect for your freshman year.

You had got up to open a window because all the cooking was making the house super hot. When you did you squealed.

" It's snowing."

Eddie jumped up and went to look too. He had honestly never seen snow. He grabbed your hand and you guys ran to the front door and put on your jackets.

It was really cold that night but Eddie didn't care. He wanted to build a snowman man. Out of nowhere you started throwing snow balls at him. He didn't want to hurt you so he just dodged them. His hands were freezing and you noticed. You went inside and grabbed his presents and two mugs of hot cocoa.

He put on his beanie and mittens and sat with you on the porch watching the snow fall. You leaned your head on his shoulder and he smiled. He had considered this to be your guy's first date.

" Remember we got so sick the next day."

Eddie laughed. " God yeah. That was so bad. I remember your dad made us his firehouse chili. It was so spicy I swear my mouth was on fire. But it did make me feel better. The snot just flowed out of me."

" Y-Yeah." Your voice broke.

Shit he didn't mean to bring up your dad.

" I'm sorry princess. I-"

" It's okay. Don't worry about it. It...it was a really great day."

He held you tighter. He wanted so badly to ask you to be his girl. But he didn't know if you were ready yet. All this time he was falling deeper in love with you. Sex was so damn good, he couldn't imagine it getting any better. You were an absolute goddess to him. He worshipped your body every chance he got. He thought that maybe you loved him too. You had to right? You wouldn't be doing this just to get your rocks off. But then again you were distant when it wasn't just you two.

Many weeks went by and you were changing even more. You had started drinking and skipping school like crazy. You stop staying with him, finally going back home. But you would eventually show up every other day. Wanting him to fuck you. Of course he did. He always wanted to give you what you needed. But you didn't seem to realize what you were doing to him. You were hurting him.

It was like you only wanted him when you were sad. And though Eddie hated you being sad he just wanted to help.

...

You were growing distant from everyone. It's not like you wanted to. But you did. Being with Eddie made you feel ok for a little while. But you wanted to stop sleeping with him. Because you were getting way too attached. It felt like every time you had sex you were getting used to the idea of him always being around.

You knew that wasn't the case. Everyone dies. Your dad made that clear to you. Sure you knew it was going to eventually happen but the reality of it was too much. You didn't want to lose Eddie too. He became too important too fast. And your feelings for him grew to the point where you loved him. Sure you "loved" him before. But not like this. He was quickly taking over your heart. And that was something you did not want.

Eddie has been an important person in your life. He was your best friend. But things went too far and you noticed that Eddie was getting attached too. And you needed it to stop.

So one night you confessed how you felt. You were always honest with him. And though you didn't want to hurt him. You actually wanted to be with him. But the thought of losing him was too much to bear.

Eddie was sitting on his bed listening to you say that you couldn't do this anymore. He was right. You weren't ready for a serious thing. It broke his heart but he could understand that. Not wanting to lose you too he agreed to stop with the sexual stuff.

However, he hadn't expected for you to pull away from him entirely. The only time he had seen you was at school. You withdrew from Hellfire and all the extra curricular activities. For weeks you were just not around.

He missed you like crazy. He tried to talk to you but you constantly scurried away when he got close. Why were you doing this to him? Weren't you guys still friends?

All his thoughts went back to sleeping with you. He knew it shouldn't have happened. Well it should have but not like that. He knew something was there. You had feelings for him too. How could you not? One night when you had fallen asleep in his arms you moaned an I love you.

He loved you so very much. And that's all he wanted to do. But you kept up the distance and it hurt.

One Saturday Eddie went to a party to deal some drugs. He had planned on going to your house after to try and talk but you were at this party. You had clearly been drinking. You didn't see him but he saw you. Some guy was kissing on your neck while you were drinking a beer.

Words couldn't describe the pain Eddie felt in his heart. Is this what you were doing these past few weeks? Had you moved on? He thought you said you weren't ready. Why the fuck would you be letting some guy be on you like that, when you wanted him?

He was so angry that he was ready to beat the shit out of the guy. But that's when he saw who it was. Billy Hargrove. His dad was one of the crew members with your dad.

Eddie put two and two together. You attached yourself to the only person who knew how you felt. He took off cursing the world for not being the one you needed.

He went home balling his eyes out for you. For all the pain you felt that he couldn't help you with. He cried for himself. How much it hurt him to see you with someone else.

...

It was stupid. Letting Billy touch you. You were already four beers, three shots of tequila in when he started to hit on you.

You really weren't paying too much attention to him, until he started getting closer. Soon you were leaning up against a wall with him kissing on your neck. Then he started touching you everywhere.

" Let's go find a room" he mumbled into your neck.

" Umm y-yeah. Why don't...don't you find an empty one. And-and I'll get us more drinks."

He nodded and left. You stumbled to the kitchen looking for the phone. The numbers were blurry and the room started to spin a little. It took you two times to punch in the right number.

"Hello?"

" M-munson"

" Y/n?"

" H-hey. I'm at erm... a party. And I don't...feel good."

" I'll be right there."

You didn't even bother to hang up the receiver. You made it outside and sat down. The spinning got worse causing you to throw up. After you just laid on the ground and fell asleep.

Eddie sped over to find you passed out on the grass.

" Fuck!"

He ran to you holding you in his lap. You reeked of booze and vomit.

" Princess? C'mon. Wake up."

You groaned slightly. " Ed-Eddie?"

" Yeah baby. I'm here. C'mon. Let's go home."

Once he got to his trailer, he helped you into the showered. He got in too washing you up. He had pulled out a pair of pajamas you left there and helped you get dressed. He brushed your hair and braided it before you guys laid down.

He watched you all night. Making sure you were okay. You had started talking in your sleep. Which normally you just moaned a little.

" Eddie please don't go."

He hugged you tighter. " I'm not going anywhere."

"I...love you."

He knew it was just sleep talking but he waited so long to hear those words come from you again. He kissed your forehead.

" I love you y/n."

...

Sometime in the very early morning he fell asleep. But when he woke up you were gone. He tried calling you. He even went to your house. But no one was there.

It wasn't until Monday when he saw you at school. He tried to talk to you all morning but for some reason you kept avoiding him. Even in the classes you had together you didn't even look at him. You were breaking his heart.

During lunch he couldn't take it anymore. He needed this conversation to happen.

He looked everywhere for you to no avail. That was until he found you in the parking lot. You were in Billy's car doing something. As he got closer he saw exactly what you were doing.

You had a rolled up dollar bill to your nose and were sniffing some white powder. Eddie freaked the fuck out. He pulled open the door.

"Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!"

"Mun-"

He pulled you out by your arm, dragging you towards his van.

" YOU'RE HURTING ME!" You cried out.

Out of the blue he felt a pair of hands on him.

Billy pulled you away and got in his face.

" What the hell's your problem man?! Don't you see she doesn't want to go with you?!"

"FUCK YOU HARGROVE! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING GIVING HER THAT SHIT?!" Eddie shoved him and went back to grab your hand.

Before he could Billy tackled him. They were rolling around throwing blow after blow.

You were yelling for them to stop. A few kids came and surrounded you guys. You tried to grab Billy off but he pushed you away.

When Eddie saw you fall he got the upper hand and was now on top of Billy. Punch after punch. Eddie was going off.

Finally teachers came and ripped the two apart.

Everyone was suspended. Billy was a bloody mess and Eddie had a busted lip and a bloody nose. When you were all sent home you had a choice to make. Go with Eddie or go with Billy.

You made the stupidest choice. You could see the hurt in Eddie's eyes when you got into Billy's car.

...

Eddie was beyond pissed. How could you choose Billy over him? You said you loved him. What the fuck was wrong with you?!

When he got home his uncle was getting ready to leave. They had gotten into an argument about his suspension.

Eddie didn't say why he got into a fight. Just that Billy threw the first punch. When his uncle left Eddie went to the restroom to see the damage.

His knuckles were all bruised and sore. His nose had some dried blood. But other than that he was fine. Physically that is. Emotionally he was a wreck.

He cleaned himself up and changed his clothes. He lit a cigarette and went outside.

A familiar car approached. But he couldn't look at you. When you got off you stood a few feet in front of him.

" Eddie? Are you okay?" Your soft voice only served to hurt him more.

" What the hell are you doing here?" He said taking a drag of his cigarette.

" I came to see if you were okay."

"Why?"

" What do you mean why?"

" Y/n don't act like you care about me."

" What?! I do care about you."

"No you don't! You only care about yourself."

"Eddie-"

" No y/n. You have to stop this. Whatever you're doing."

" I'm not doing anything-"

" YES YOU ARE! Don't you see how you're acting and what you're doing is affecting me?'

Of course you did. That's why you were keeping your distance. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt your best friend.

" Eddie I'm sorry. I-"

" Don't be. Just fucking go."

You didn't know what to say. You loved him. But all you kept doing was hurting him.

"Do you really want me to go? Because I don't want to...We need to talk about this."

He took another puff. Now he had a choice to make. Hurt more or let you go. Letting go though wasn't an option for him.

He sighed. "Y/n look. Maybe the way things happened for us was not okay. But I'm glad it did. I know that what we were doing wasn't wrong...I've wanted you for so long that everything we did felt like it was supposed to happen. Looking back when we first met it's crazy to think about. I never thought that every day since we would be building a bond that was so strong. A bond that makes me want you forever. Y/n you are my best friend. And - and I know you're going through a lot right now. But I can be here for you. You don't need to get wasted or do drugs to get past this. What you need is to talk to me. Be with me. Be my best friend again. I can help you. You know I lost my mom too. You don't need Billy or anyone else. I love you y/n. And I need you to see that I'm not going anywhere."

This was exactly what you didn't want to happen. This is the reason you wanted to stay away from him. You needed him. But you didn't want to need anyone. You wanted to just disappear.

There was shit going on that no one knew. And with Billy knowing how it felt to lose a parent that way, he got it. Eddie lost his mom too. But that was years ago and she died from an illness. You thought he wouldn't understand.

But he did. He knew what it was like to hurt that way. He knew what it was like trying to drown out your sorrows with alcohol and drugs. Shit you were the one to get him to stop doing it so much. But things were changing now.

" Eddie as much as I would like to say that I love you too. I can't. Everything is so messed up that we can't go back. We can't just start over."

" I don't want to start over. I want to fix whatever is wrong."

" Eddie... we're moving."

The cigarette butt burned his fingers and he tossed it. He looked at you and was confused.

" W-what?"

You wiped away a tear. " My mom can't afford the house now. So we are moving to Arizona with my grandparents."

"W-what?!"

His world started falling apart. No this can't be happening.

" That's why I tried to stay away. That's why I needed too. That and I don't want to hurt you anymore...we can't do this... I'm still grieving for my dad. I keep making the wrong choices. And I need to get myself back. I can't love you. I don't want to."

Eddie's eyes started to swell with tears. He stood up getting closer to you.

" You love me though... You love me? That's why you keep pushing me away?"

" Eddie. I can't. I'm leaving."

He got closer. " No. Just admit it. You love me. That's why you chose to be with me. Have me be your first? Did you know that you were mine too?"

" Eddie I-"

" No princess. Don't deny it now." He was so close now. His body was pressed up against yours.

" You love me. You want to be with-"

You took a step back. "I don't want to lose you too."

" What?" He said taking a step back as well.

He could hear your shuddered breathing. " Eddie everyone leaves or dies. It's just best if I leave. And you move on."

" Nope."

Eddie pulled you into his arms. " I'm not leaving. I'm not dying anytime soon. And you are not leaving me without telling me the truth."

You hung your head shaking it.

He cupped your face with one hand making you look at him.

" Tell me you don't love me." He kissed your cheek. "Tell me the thought of being without me doesn't keep you up at night...Tell me that you don't always want to be in my bed. That you don't dream about me like how I dream about you... Tell me that when you look at me you don't see a future with us having kids and married. Because I do. I see all that with you...Tell me you don't love it when I make love to you...tell me you don't and I'll let you go."

Fuck why did he have to say that. Of course you felt all that and more. But you couldn't. You shouldn't.

" Kiss me...Kiss m-"

Eddie pulled you closer and kissed you with everything he had. Another stupid decision. But God it felt so good when you're with him. He was your everything. Your love. Your best friend.

You guys ended up in his room. You were on top of him slowly rocking your hips back and forth. Your mouths attached to one another's. Eddie was right about everything. You loved him with every fiber of your being.

After you laid in his arms. You wanted to confess your feelings. But this was the end. It had to be.

...

You spent every night with Eddie until you were about to leave Hawkins. Eddie tried to get you to stay. He even had his uncle agree to have you live with them. But you refused.

Eddie was standing outside of your house. You guys had just finished packing up the moving van. You said your goodbyes last night. But he couldn't let you leave without hearing you say it.

" Y/n. Please. Just tell me."

" What good would it do if I said it?"

" Then I'll know that you do. And I can go on and think none of this was a mistake."

You sighed. " No words can describe all the feelings I have for you. You have shown me what love really is. That it goes beyond sex. It's the way you talk to me, the way you hold me, the way you touch me. It's how you always show up when I need you... I didn't fall in love with you because I wanted to. I fell in love with you because everything felt right. And for the first time in my life I didn't feel alone. I fell in love with you for all the reasons you showed me every single day... Eddie...until the stars stop twinkling, until the sun no longer burns, until the world stops turning. I will always love you. I swear I will... forever."

Eddie's heart broke all over again. He knew it. And now you were leaving him.

He gave you one last kiss before he watched you leave.

Maybe in another life or at another time. You guys could have been together. He stood there with eyes full of tears knowing you took a piece of him with you.

He knew you would never come back. And though he told himself that one day he would be okay. You would always have his heart.

...

@salenorona23

[5raysofsunshine]

Just Say Yes - Penemily x reader fluff (platonic)

Description: Penelope and Emily comfort you after a break up. 💔

Rating: G. I don’t think there’s even any cursing in this lol.

Wrote this to be a bit cathartic but I hope you enjoy it! 

This is my 2nd fic I’ve ever posted but don’t worry friends there are going to be plenty more coming your way! I’m making this the first fic I post for @sweetprentiss’s Emily Prentiss Birthday Bingo challenge (yes I know it’s not romantic/definitively sapphic BUT if I do a part two it will be more noticeable I promise 😊)! Plus I’m hoping to complete as many fics for this challenge as I possibly can because Emily deserves 💕ALL THE LOVE💕, so be on the look out for more emily prentiss fics coming your way!

Big thanks to my amazing friends iv 🍭 @sweetprentiss and ari 🧸 @imaslutforemilyprentiss​ for helping me out by encouraging and supporting me and reading this thing before I posted it lol. I love and appreciate you guys so much! 🥰🥰🥰

---

As you pull open one of the double doors of the BAU entrance, you can't help but notice that the glass door seems a bit heavier this morning. Probably due to the fact that your body feels weak from running on only 3 hours of sleep. You were tossing and turning all night, your mind wouldn't stop racing.

You had spent a good part of your evening breaking up with your significant other. It was a conversation you had wanted to happen for a while, but sadly she was not very receptive. You two had been having problems on and off for the past year, but things had been getting worse and worse the last couple months. The issues you had were not getting resolved, and you were starting to feel dejected and burnt out. You couldn't help how you felt, and you didn't want things to continue to get worse for either of you. It took several attempts at honest communication and lots of patience since there was a lot of crying, but finally your partner realized that the best thing to do was to just let you go.

The interaction took so much energy out of you that currently all you feel is tired and empty. You almost called your unit chief to tell her you couldn't come in today, but you knew that being alone wasn't the best option. Also, you won't admit it but you'd miss seeing the faces of your fellow team members. Everyone has been so nice and yet also incredibly intimidating as far as their intelligence and experience. You've only been working with them for six months now, and you'd hate for something as inconvenient as your break up to keep you from being there for your team. 

You gulp down the last ounce of your red bull before tossing it in the trash can next to your desk. Your body feels a bit too warm in your jacket so you begin to strip yourself of it, hanging it on the back of your chair. You can hear your heart beating in your ears, the organ pumping quickly. You're not sure if your heart is racing due to the caffeine coursing through your veins, or the anxiety of having to face your coworkers when you know you can't hide how you feel right now. 

“Hey sugar plum, how are you doin’ this fine Monday morning?”

You look up from your desk to see Penelope, the team's tech analyst, standing next to your chair. As soon as you lock eyes with her, you watch the smile disappear from her face.

“Oh honey... no offense but you look positively dreadful!”

You nervously crimp your lips together, eyes shifting to the ground to take in the image of Penelope's shiny purple pumps. “Yeah, I uh... I had a rough night.”

A shiver runs through your body as you sense the AC kick in and push cold air throughout the bullpen. You decide to slip your arms back into your jacket, pulling it snugly around your shoulders. 

Penelope pouts, “What happened to make my little miss newbie lose her sparkle?”

You can’t help but smile at Penelope’s sweet words, but the tightness in your chest makes it disappear rather quickly. “Um... can we talk about it in the bat cave?” You suggest to the blonde woman as the need for privacy to talk about this raw subject becomes a necessity. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of the bullpen.

“Absolutely, please follow me!” Penelope offers her hand out for you to take before guiding you towards her office.

Once you two arrive at Penelope’s office, she shuts the door behind you. 

“Alright peanut, have a seat. Tell Penelope what happened.” The blonde woman plops down in her cushioned wheely chair, patting the seat of a neighboring chair.

You roll the empty chair closer towards you to sit down. You take a deep breath, trying to figure out how to talk about the break up without letting your emotions flood out. But you can’t help the tears that start to well up in your eyes when you begin to speak, “So um... my partner and I broke up last night.”

“Oh no!” Penelope’s hands fly up to her cheeks, her lips parted and brows furrowed. “Oh y/n, sweetheart I am so sorry! I know you’ve mentioned you two had been having trouble the past couple months, but it’s still sad when a relationship has to end.”

“Yeah...” You clench your jaw, feeling a heat starting to spread across your face as you try to remain calm while you prepare to explain what happened. This isn’t the first time you’ve confided in Penelope. She is the one person on the team you feel closest to, the tech analyst is just so friendly and you can’t help but gravitate towards her bright happy demeanor like a bug to a light. Despite your nerves about opening up to your fellow teammates, Penelope always manages to make you feel safe to share things about yourself. Especially things that are causing you grief. Sadly you can’t help but wish that you felt that way with your partner... well, your ex partner now.

“So what happened? Spill the tea, girlfriend! I mean, only if you want to because you totally don’t have to if you don’t want to. Only if you’re comfortable! Though you did say you wanted to talk about it so I guess you are but-”

“Garcia, calm down! I’ll tell you, but I need you to be patient with me. It’s all so... fresh. You’re right. It’s sad that our relationship ended. But... it needed to happen.”

Penelope nods, “I am ready to listen whenever you are ready to talk about it.”

You take a deep breath before parting your lips to speak. “So, I tried yet again to communicate with her about how unhappy I’ve been and why. I wasn’t trying to be condescending or mean in bringing things up again, I just felt like I wasn’t being heard when we had talked about things before. Of course, she didn’t take it well and acted like I was being unfair and inconsiderate of her feelings. But the truth is that I’ve always been considerate of her feelings, way too much in fact.”

Penelope’s head tilts to the side, “How so?”

You shift in your chair, crossing your legs and fidgeting with your hands. “Well, in the past when I tried to communicate with her about if I was upset about something she said or did, she would get so upset and make it about her.” The tears start gathering in your eyes, a couple of them falling and landing on your cheeks. “She’d spiral and take things so hard, saying things like ‘you’re right, I can do better, I’m a bad girlfriend, I’m a bad person’ which made me feel terrible for even saying anything so I’d push my feelings aside in order to help her feel better.”

Penelope shakes her head back and forth, “But you shouldn’t have had to do that, y/n! You shouldn’t have to make yourself small just so your partner could be comfortable! Because that means your hurt feelings never got taken care of... you never got taken care of because you had to take care of her. And that’s not fair at all!”

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door before it opens. Emily Prentiss, your unit chief, peeks her head into the room.

“Hey Pen, have you seen...” Emily’s voice trails off when she sees you. You quickly wipe your tears away with the sleeve of your jacket, sniffling to clear your runny nose.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” Emily asks, stepping into the room and softly closing the door behind her.

You shake your head, shifting in your chair to stand, "Nothing Prentiss, I'm-"

"Oh no no no! You remain seated young lady! You are not allowed to hide your feelings from the boss lady just because she's the boss lady!" Penelope wags her finger at you before pointing up at Emily.

You glance up at the older brunette, who walks further into the room to stand next to Penelope. Your eyes flick back to the tech analyst, sighing heavily before slumping back into your chair. While crimping your lips together you cross your arms and look at Penelope with a silent plea to tell Emily instead of you having to say it once more. Thankfully, she gets the hint.

“Y/n and her partner broke up last night... it didn’t go well.”

"Oh..." Emily's brows furrow as she nibbles on her bottom lip, her eyes glancing down to the floor briefly before reconnecting them with yours. "I’m sorry to hear that.”

Emily leans back against Penelope’s desk, placing her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “What do you need? How can we help?”

You shake your head, “I don’t know. What’s done is done, you know? I just... I have all of these feelings that haven’t been properly dealt with for years. I have so much frustration built up after not getting my needs met and feeling like what I wanted didn’t matter... and I don't know how to alleviate it.” 

Emily nods, “I understand. We are here for you, y/n. If you need anything, even if it’s just a listening ear-”

“Or a shoulder to cry on!” Penelope interrupts, “We are here for you.”

You smile, wiping more tears from your cheeks. “Thank you guys... I really appreciate it. I’m sorry to dump this on you-”

“Oh no no no, don’t you start that missy! You are not burdening or inconveniencing us with your problems.”

Emily nods, stepping closer to you. “We care about you, y/l/n. Please believe that. I know I’m your boss, but I trust that you know how much you matter to me and the rest of the team.”

You gasp softly, genuinely being shocked by the brunette’s statement. “I... I matter to you guys?”

Emily and Penelope exchange a look, eyes glancing back and forth between you and each other before Emily speaks, “Well of course you do! You may be new to the team, but you’ve been a great help to this unit. I’m very proud of you and grateful for your dedication and assistance.”

Penelope chimes in, “Absolutely! I am also very proud of you and super happy that you’re here! You’re a good person, my sweet. You have sunshine energy! And it makes me so sad to see you like this. All cloudy and less... shiny.”

You nod, “Trust me, I wish I was less cloudy. But it is what it is. I’ll be okay.”

Penelope nods, a silence falling over the three of you for a moment before Penelope dramatically gasps and flaps her hands. It causes both you and Emily to jump slightly.

“Oh oh oh! How about the three of us go out tonight and focus on helping you feel better! Maybe we can figure out some ways to relieve you of all your pent up angsty feelings! Ways that involve drinks with salt on the rim and tiny umbrellas!”

Emily grins, “I think that’s a great idea, Pen! Come on y/n, what do you say?”

"Oh, uh, you guys are too nice... but I don’t think-"

"No buts! Just say yes!”

You bite your bottom lip in contemplation. A fun night out with two gorgeous women you work with/for? Sounds like it’s just what you need to distract yourself and hopefully release all the stress and anxiety you have over the break up. You watch as Penelope and Emily stare at you with excited expressions. You lick your lips before grinning up at your fellow agents, “Okay! Let’s do it!”

Penelope squeals in delight before jumping out of her chair and enveloping you in a warm hug. “OMG I’m so excited! We haven’t had a proper girls night with you yet,, and now we’re doing it! Oh this is going to be so much fun!”

You laugh as you hug Penelope back, reveling in the physical contact. Penelope peers her head back towards Emily, “Get in here Em, y/l/n deserves more hug power!”

Emily chuckles before walking towards you and Penelope, wrapping her arms around you both. You are now enveloped in warmth and the sweet scents of their perfumes fill your nostrils. The tension in your shoulders melts away as you allow yourself to relax in their arms.

Emily pulls away after a couple seconds and pats Penelope on the shoulder, “You gotta let her go honey, I need you both to get back to work.”

Penelope groans, “But she’s so huggable I don’t wanna let her go!”

You can't help the giggle that escapes your lips as Penelope squeezes a bit harder, finding the blonde's action quite endearing.

Emily chuckles, “Garcia, you’re gonna suffocate the poor girl and we can’t lose any more agents! We need her!”

All three of you laugh with each other for a moment before Penelope reluctantly lets you go and steps back.

You smile, “Thanks again you guys. I feel so much better now.”

Emily nods her head, “Good! Now let’s get through the rest of the day so we can have some fun tonight!”

Penelope straightens her posture and clicks her heels together, “Yes ma’am, right away ma’am!”

Emily holds the door open for you and as you get ready to exit the office you feel her hand touch the small of your back, guiding you out. Penelope follows behind you both, stopping at the doorway to watch as you and Emily walk side by side down the hallway. “Bye my loves! See you later! Don’t work too hard!”

Emily gently pats and rubs your shoulder before you part ways, “I’ll check on you later, okay?”

You nod, “Thanks Prentiss.” 

You walk back to your desk as you watch the unit chief ascend up the stairs to her office. The sadness you felt earlier has now been soothed and replaced with excitement for being with Penelope and Emily for a whole night of fun.

---

Thanks for taking the time to read! Hope you liked it! 

Please like/reblog! I truly appreciate any notes I can get lol! 😁

Also let me know if anyone is interested in a part 2 because I’ll definitely try to make it happen if you want it (and it’ll be less platonic, currently thinking about how I’d want to introduce the romantic/sapphic vibes into the story 👀)!

Till next time, my friends! ✌

[substantial-exposure]

This might be tmi but I had a blood test today and usually I’m fine with needles and stuff but it just went really badly. Like the blood wouldn’t come and then when it did it wouldn’t stop and I have a big bruise now and my arm hurts so much 💔

Sorry for the rant! Would it be possible to get a comfort fic with druig please?

WARNING MENTIONS OF NEEDLES AND BLOOD

You sat in the makeshift medic bay on the Domo. Nearly shaking as Sersi came near you with the needle, you had to do it but that didn't make your situation any better. Your eyes glanced to Sprite who was laid upon the desk.

She'd been injured. Badly, injured. A blood transfusion was vital and absolutely necessary. However when it came to the Eternals and their specific skill sets only you were left standing as the donor. Of all the Eternals on the thinkers side you were the winning contestant. Sersi couldn't because of her powers, her blood wasn't stable or usable and Druig had been fairly injured himself.

So that left you sitting at the table with Sersi who was inching the needle towards you.

"Now remember it's best to keep your arm relaxed. Some tense up" Sersi instructed, however it didn't make you feel any better.

You held on tight to Druig with your other hand. You forced your eyes to stay closed, screwing them shut and making sure you wouldn't have to see any of it. Then your inner arm grew cold as Serci disinfected the skin, it was coming, any second now. Then you felt and holy hell did it hurt. Your knuckles went white as you held onto Druig.

"That's odd" Sersi muttered. Her reaction was enough to get you to nearly faint.

"What is it?" Druig asked for you. He was concerned for you in every sense. He raised himself from kneeling on the floor beside your chair.

"I think I missed the vein-"

"You what?" He said angrily. He knew how much this scared you and the thought of it taking any longer than normal was hurting him on your behalf. "Fucks sake. Let me do it" he said.

Your eyes opened and you looked to your boyfriend who stood leaving over you. There was nothing but worry and concern in those eyes. He moved the table onto its wheels and circled to your other arm, he studied the veins for a moment until he found the most usable one. He sterilized a new needle and your skin to assure that there wasn't any contamination. After tossing away the alcohol pad Druig took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but it'll only hurt for a second, alright pumpkin?" He said placing a kiss to your forehead. "Close your eyes love, it'll be over in a moment"

With that Druig injected the needle into your vein. The intrusion through your skin sent a shiver up your spine. You could feel it drawing your blood. It felt invading as your fingertips grew numb and cold. The feeling spread throughout your arm.

Once enough blood was drawn and the needle was removed, Druig placed a ball of cotton over the mark and placed a bandage over the spot. He ruffled the hair on top of you head and leaned back over the chair you sat in. He pulled you close, holding you against his chest in a close hug. Druig placed a kiss on the crown of your head, "wonderful, you did excellent." He praised placing yet another kiss to the top of your head.

"Sersi, I suspect you can take it from here?" You asked.

"Yes, thank you." she said shakily she turned back to Sprite and began her procedure.

Druig helped you up from your chair and walked with you back to your room where he made sure you were comfortable and well hydrated. He seemed to be leaving every so often to bring you something else you might need. Another pillow to prop up your arm, yet another glass of water, a snack to aid in your energy, he did all he could.

Sitting beside you in bed he looked down to you. His back hit the headboard as he began to play with your hair. "How are you feeling?" He asked for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

"I'm fine, same as five minutes ago" you chuckled and smiled up at him. A smile he was glad to reciprocate. "But I appreciate the concern. Really I do" you said happily