#i need my spouse all healthy and full of love i can't have it any other way

[teddybeartoji]

I'M SNIFFLING ALREADY WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ARII MY BABY

didn't think you'd escape my big ass rb now did you? hehehehe love u

NOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MY BABYY:((((((((((((((((((( IS SICK:(((((((( i'm already hurting so bad:(((((((((((((((baby:((((((((((((

a little helpless, unable to even move properly, like a fish out of water.

MY BABBYYYYYYYYYYY:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( oh it feels sooo weird for him to be like this huh:((((((((((((((((((( look i am not immune to his charms anyway i think i would already have him wrapped up in a blanket i know he thinks he's strong or whatever but where there's a will there's a way okay he will be bundled up and in my lap like a baby bc that's what he is

you were expecting to see him happy. healthy. a little obnoxious, a little annoying — but hopelessly sweet. all the love you could ever need, molded into a human shape. your little angel.

MYYYYY LITTLE ANGEL ARIII:(((((((((((((((((((((( ican't do it. WDYMM AL THE LOVE YOU COULD EVER NEED MOLDED INTO A HUMAN SHAPEE WHAT THE FUCKK WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA stop ari this isn't funny i'm like two sentences into the fic................ i won't tell u what i'm doing rn.......................... i won't

give me an hour and i’ll be perfect for you. <3

😭😭😭😭😭😭he's so annoying and so dramatic and so perfect and he's so stupid trying to act like nothing is wrong as if he isn't dying with fever already:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( dummy

like he genuinely thought an hour, some painkillers and a dream would be enough to chase away a fever this severe. like he was so desperate to see you he was fully willing to take that risk.

PLEAAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE WAS SO READY TO GO OUT HE'S SO IN LOVE IN LOVE DO YOU HEAR ME HE LIVES THERE!!!!!! shut the fuck up he's the sweetest boy in the world too bad he's a little stupid (and too bad i love him so much smh)

"HONEY" WAHHHHHHHHHHHH i love that nickname it's so sweet (pun intended ig)

(he doesn’t want to disappoint you.)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭HE COULD NEVERR ari how many crying emojis will be in this one btw place ur bets rn

so used to denying kindness. 

ARI DON'T DO THIS TO ME😭😭😭😭BUT HE'S MY BABY AND HE DESERVES ALL OF THE KINDNESS IN THE WORLD HE DESERVES EVERYTHING. HE WILL ACCEPT IT I WILL TEACH HIM. my sweet sweet boy:((

even like this, he looks a bit like an angel, a painting come to life. like one wrong brushstroke could smudge him. 

he really is my angel. your words are always so perfect for him it's like you walk through a big library full of words and you just pick the most gentle ones for him.

wahhhh tracing hearts into his skin as you're trying to takes off his clothes.... and him just groaning all delirious and out of it:(((((((( WAIIIIT AND THEN U JUST SOFTLY PLAY WITH HIS HAIR UNTIL HE FALLS ASLEEP:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ari what if i die i wanna play with his so badly i love touching hair so much and i just know his hair would be so fucking soft. idk if his hair is sweaty either ok you won't be able to pull me away from him no matter how hard you try

AND THE FOREHEAD KISSES GODDDDDDDDD I LOVE THE INTIMACY THEY'RE IN LOVE I AM IN LOVE THIS IS WHERE WE ALL LIVE

1000000% THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE TO BRING PEOPLE OVER OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT IT SO MUCH HE'S ALWAYS AT YOUR PLACE OR AT SUGU'S OR AT SHOKO'S HE'S NEVER AT HOME BC IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE HOME DOES IT? IT'S JUST A HOUSE FILLED WITH FURNITURE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS ARE THE PEOPLE HE LOVES AND THEY'RE NOT THERE SO HE JUST DESPISES THE PLACE i think only his own room is fully decorated with figurines and pictures and i feel like he even keeps his game console in his room too and then the rest of the house is super bland. like genuinely feels like it's about to be sold or whatever. he even likes to shower at your place or sugu's or shoko's and i think that nobody would really even say anything about it. yeah. brainrot. i love him so much ari. i'm so glad we have him. he's baby and he deserves all of the love in the world.

wait i rambled right after i read that "he doesn’t invite you over very often" so i'm only now getting to the next part and you're saying the same stuff.... WAIT ACTUALLY THOUGH YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THINGS THAT IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S ABOUT TO BE SOLD WAIIITTT THIS SOUNDS WEIRD I PROMISE I DIDN'T READ THAT PART AH AND HIS BEDROOM TOO THE TRINKETS AND THE PICTURES AND THE CONSOLE ARI DO WE ACTUALLY SHARE A BRAIN WHAT THE FUCK

oh and he sleeps with the cat plushie you won for him:((((((((((((((((((((( + oh my god i know he smells so good he smells Comfortable idk what that means but he just smells sweet and you just wanna hug him

him and his takeout AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CAN'T DO ITTTT he's a sad little meow who only knows how to give love and he's a little stupid and he doesn't know how to take care of himself and i'm gonna fucking cry you're terrible ari (i love you)

for someone who’s so often surrounded by people, cracking jokes and laughing louder than anyone else, he doesn’t seem to make any noise when he’s alone.

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP I'M SO SAD

he's so lonely but he has so much love to give he has overall just so much to give AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HE'S A LOVERBOY TO HIS CORE HE'S YEARNING HE DESIRES HE NEEDS LOVE i can't i'm gonna spiral i'm gonna have a meltdown this is a fiction character and i would die for him i would kill for him

you somehow doubt he wants to part with it. 

😐 you will be punished for this. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT. YOU CAN'T. TAKE IT BACK. RIGHT NOW! of course he doesn't want to part with it it's his sick best friend. they hold each other in the dark.

you know it’s him by his touch alone, the weight of his arms, that particular scent that surrounds him. like memories of summer.

this is what love is and i'm crying

he's melting into your skin he's melting into a puddle of angel goo sigh and the way he's a bit surprised by the fact that you made soup. especially surprised by the fact that you made soup in his house. maybe this place could be a home afterall?

"TOO LONELY WITHOUT YOU" MICKEY FOUND DEAD IN A DITCH CAUSE OF DEATH? HEART EXPLOSION

but he's just a baby:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( he wants to be around you he wants to be with you:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

as if he needs you.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭HE NEEDS YOUUUU it's so hard to put it into words how your art makes me feel you know it's crazy you're so amazing i can't stop saying it

my sweet angel is getting his kisses!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just like he deserves!!!!

SNUGGLEBUGTORU😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his big eyes staring up at you waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa the goodest of boys

staring at you, as if in awe. to satoru, you appear almost as an angel, a somewhat blurry figure that he recognizes without looking. your very presence is soothing, like a lullaby in human form. with the hazy filter clouding his mind, he can’t even seem to form words correctly — all satoru can focus on is you.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAstoppppppp my sweetheart the reader n him are having an angel-off.......... dummies i love them

DOUBLE AAAAAAAAA FOR THE WAY HE INCHES CLOSER ASKING FOR A KISS BEGGING FOR IT SILENTLY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

me n gojo always burning our tongues when drinking tea (EVERY SINGLE TIME I DO IT EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.)(ohh hot tea is hot who could've guessed)(😐)

he wants to be good for you, though. + he can’t take his eyes off you, even now.

BIG DREAMY SIGHHHHHH should i call him my baby again or am i being too annoying already actually i couldn't care any lessMYY BABBYYYY:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( I NEED TO PAT HIS HEAD:(

OMFG OMFG TUCKING A HAIR BEHIND HIS EAR!! TUCKING A HAIR BEHIND HIS EAR!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY FAVOURITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YAYYYY PATTING HIS HEAD are you in my head or am i in yours.....

(he feels a little shy, being spoonfed by you. how very unlike him.)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭BABYYY

or is it the honesty in his eyes, the way he’s looking at you like he’s trying to convey something he can’t put into words? 

ari stop making mickey cry challenge failed miserably he's so bad with words he only knows jokes and laughter (😐) but he's my baby

RIBCAGE MENTION RIBCAGE MENTION RIBCAGE MENTION

as you look at him, take him in, the boy you love so dearly, you can’t help but feel like he just carved open his chest — let you peek inside his ribcage. it’s hard not to feel flustered, in the presence of something so vulnerable.

actually this whole paragraph was insane you are one of a kind ari you know that? i'm so grateful we get to take a bite out of your art you're changing us all and i mean that

satoru’s fingers curl around yours, suddenly, where they lay on your lap. his movements are still a little groggy, disoriented, as he brings your hand up to his lips. they’re warm and soft, especially so in light of his fever. he closes his eyes, white lashes catching the light of the sun, flitting in through the haphazardly closed blinds. your heartbeat stutters. ”… love you,” he mutters. a soft little thing. your eyes don’t leave his face. and your lips part before your brain can instruct them to. ”i love you too,” you blurt out, instantaneous. like you couldn’t bear to keep him waiting, even for a second. ”… satoru.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I CAN'TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT PLEAAAAAAAASEEEE I'M RUNNING OUT OF TISSUES I AM NOT FINEEE HAND KISSING AND HIS PRETTY WHITE EYELASHES IN THE SUN AND THE HEARTBEAT AND THE SOFT I LOVE YOUS AND FUUUUUUUUUUCK

”thanks for coming, you didn’t have to.”

i am going to punch him in the face. BE SO SERIOUS RN

his guardian angel, carrying the scent of spring with you. a memory of a certain boy, of better times. 

ARI WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU I'M GONNA LEARN CODE JUST SO I CAN MAKE THE FUCKING FONT BIGGER WHAT IN THE FUCK NATION WAS THAT FOR HUHHH LIKE I NEED TO CRY EVEN MORE? HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?? DAMN I'M FUCKING DROWNING HERE

diabolical mention...................... i don't even know what this feeling is you're on another level how does it feel being a god, hm? i'm so sad

(satoru thinks you’re nostalgia personified. he likes to imagine that you met as children, underneath a cherry tree somewhere, but he knows it’s not true. there’s no way he wouldn’t remember you.)

AND THEN I'M BEING HIT BY THIS??????????????? HUHHH???????? i'm so surprised i'm still alive and kicking bc my heart can't fucking take it but then again maybe you're the reason i am alive??? yk how can i die when you're still alive and kicking? like what? i'd die and never get to experience your art anymore??????????? FUCK NO YOU CAN TRY KILLING ME I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE I AM NAILED THE FUCK DOWN OKAY

”what did i do to deserve you…?”

apparently i'm nailed down for some sort of love torture. i regret what i said (i do not i am a big liar) SATORU WDYMMMM😭😭😭😭😭

you think the love inside your chest might crawl out of your throat and eat him alive.

i'm taking this quote very personally whether you intended it like that or not

your heart pumping in a steady rhythm, with this visceral desire to keep him close, to protect him. and who are you to resist, when he’s asking you for it himself?

WAILING LIKE A BABY RIGHT NOWWWW😭😭😭😭😭 HE JUST WANTS A HUG HE WANTS YOU TO PROTECT HIM HE WANTS YOU TO KEEP HIM SAFE HE WANTS TO FEEL YOU AGAINST HIM HE WANTS TO BE GREEDY HE WANTS YOUR LOVE OH MY GODDDDD

and you feel like you’re cradling the whole world in your arms. 

OUR WORLD HE'S OUR WORLD our baby our big baby:((((

”wakey-wakey, sunshine!”

SUNSHINE MENTIONSUNSHINEMENTION SUN SHINE MEN TION oh god is he better now is he back to being a little brat oh noooo how terrible (i am back on my lying bs)(i want him to be MORE annoying actually like i want him to NEVER shut up)

him waking u up just bc he can't live without seeing your smile:((((((((

NO STOPP HE'S BEING SO FUNNY ALREADY i missed his stupid jokes him worrying about the creeps outside yeah okay mr. love

wait wtf we're both total liars we really are the same hehehhe mickeygojo brains go brrrrr together

”unbelievable. i fought that fever off just for you, and here you are, laughing at me.”

I LOVE HIM SOOOOO MUCHH ARI WHAT THE FUCKK your gojo is always so funny and so perfect thank you for sharing him with me i mean with us ig....

this is how you love, the both of you, through words that never say it all and actions that say the words your mouths can’t fit.

what is this? some sort of a soul read? insanity.............

THE BANTER IS SOO GOOD AAAAAAAAA HAHAHHAHAH him trying to take out the stubborn from the list SMHHHHH WE SEE YOU DUMMY

satoru’s weight is still so comforting, like a big blanket, his arms enveloping you as he breathes in your scent. you’re so happy that he’s acting insufferable again.

I AM SO HAPPY THAT HE'S ACTING INSUFFERABLE AGAIN YOU'RE SO RIGHT and i love you calling him a big blanket you know how i love my weighted blankets hehehehhehe

"HONEYBEE" 😭😭😭😭😭 HE WOULD HE SO WOULD CALL YOU THAT😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i wholeheartedly believe that he'd call you the most obscure fucking nicknames and well... i'd eat that shit up okay i would fucking love that...............

HIM WANTING TO GO OUT HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT how has this man survived for this long.................. (as if i don't do the exact same thing whenever i'm Supposedly sick)

”well, they obviously won’t get you while i’m there,” he huffs. ”what, you don’t think i can protect you properly? you’re hurting me, angel.”

MY CHEEKS HURT FROM SMILING WHAT ARIIIIII PLSS LET'S HOLD HANDS he's so funny i hate it so much he'd get such an ego boost with me it's crazy but there's no way i'd be able to hold in my laughter with him no fucking way

”your baby.”

MYYYYYYYYYYYYYY BABYYYYYYY<3333

satoru’s eyes bore into yours. contemplative, as he lets the silence linger, gears turning inside his mind. he wants to go outside with you, wants to hold your hand and hear you hum happily as you bite into your crêpe; wants to steal a bite when you’re not looking.

I- I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE ANYMOOOOOREEE JUST WHEN I THINK I'M GAINING BACK SOME SENSE LIKE YEAH LET'S BE NORMAL NOT IT'S ALL KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT GODDDDDDD HE IS SUCH A LOVER I ALREADY SAID IT BUT I'M SAYING IT AGAIN HE WANT TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND HE WANTS TO SEE YOU SMILE AND SEE YOUR EYES CRINKLE AND HEAR YOU HUM AND SEE YOUR NOSE GET RED FROM THE SPRING COLD AND HE WANTS TO STEAL A BITEEE FUUUUUUUCKK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NTO CRYING BY THE WAY I'M NOT 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

”if you don’t love me anymore, you can just say that.”

he's ridiculous (😭😭😭😭😭i'm fine) WAIT U SAID THAT TOO HEHEHEHEHE

omfg him wagging his tail he really is the goodest of boys huh "like an excited puppy" YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

me 🤝 gojo HAVING A SWEET TOOTH I WANT ICE CREAM TOO WHAT DA HELL

”you couldn’t even taste it.” ”i could, i could!” he stubbornly whines. ”i tasted all your love. every single drop!” you give him a look. he only grins at you, a little teasing, a little giddy. you can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed; averting your gaze with a sharp scoff, trying to appear unbothered. ”yeah? and how did my love taste?” satoru leans forward. it’s sudden, and you blink, instinctively leaning back in turn. he’s wearing a signature smirk when he stops moving, close enough that you feel his breath on your skin. hot. ”delicious,” he purrs, glancing down at your lips. blue eyes gleaming with mirth. ”best thing i’ve ever had.”

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII PLEAAASEEE HE'S SO SO SO SWEET AND HE JUST WANTS TO FLUSTER HIS BELOVED A LITTLE IT'S HIS TREAT

”you’re the only person on planet earth who’d give a fuck about underwear brands."

AHSHGAGHSHASHAHSHGAHGSA THIS IS VERY FUNNY TO ME OKAY I CAN'T STAND RICH PEOPLE AND THEIR INSANE OBSESSIONS OKAY I WOULD TEASE THE LIVING FUCK OUT HIM FOR HAVING THESE HASHAHSHGAHGSHGAHGS wahh i love him

refusing to meet his expectant stare. he wants you to look over, you’re well aware, just so he can tease you for trying to sneak a peek.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭you know him so well it feels so good to read ari!gojo like he's REALLLL THIS IS HIM!!!!!!!!! THIS IS THE GUY!!! you're so good you're wonderful you're amazing and i love u

HIM ASKING U TO CHECK HIS TEMPERATURE HE REALLY IS A BABY and i would do it every time too.... can't even make fun of him... fuck..................

”but then i went into your room, and — it just felt very you. kinda messy, and stuff, but cozy. and a little sentimental.” satoru looks up at you, admiring that certain soft glimmer in your eyes. you meet his stare with a smile. ”maybe it doesn’t make sense? i guess i’ve just been thinking about it.”

this is so fucking soft and it means the world to me satoru and his collections him and his pictures him and his figurines him and his cozy sentimental room:(((((((((((((((

you’re a comfort; his safe haven. a place to rest his weary head. maybe you always have been, even before he really got to know you.

if i tell you that i might believe in soulmates would you make fun of me................

satoru’s love feels a little like the sun, when it spills out this fervently, like it could burn you into cinders — you think you’d be happy to lie in the ashes. he’s smiling at you, like sunshine, like little dusty specks of light.

HE'S MY SUN HE'S MY SUNSHINE I WOULD GLADLY LIE IN THE ASHES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ARI YOU'RE INSANEE I LOVE YOU SO BADDDDDD

”… you can. stay forever, i mean.”

THEM JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER WITH LOVING SMILES AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA simply staring into each others eyes is a love language btw and satoru is very skilled at it yk his staring problem really comes in handy here he's just like me

but then you came along. you came to his rescue, spring in your pockets, and you took care of him, with what he knows to be love.

SPRING IN YOUR POCKETS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 you're so incredibly good with words that it's kind of making me sick actually love sickness i think it's called sighhh oh no i suppose it's my time to lay on my deathbed and wait for an angel will make me soup......

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HIM JUST DROWNING YOU IN KISSES STOOOOOOOPPPPPPP he's my favourite puppy and then whining about u not saying it back in a second hashahgshaghshgahgsa my heart is so full

satoru giggling....................... I REPEAT SATORU GIGGLING yk the feeling when you first hear birds sing in the spring yeahhhh this is the same

you’re worth the emotional toll.

great news! mickey is actually alive and well! oh wait.... oh no they're fucking dead again euuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is me being dead noise YOU'RE WORTH THE EMOTIONAL TOLL THIS IS WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT AAAAAAAAAAAA LOVE IS THE POINT crying again or whatever

and him thinking about all of the things you could do tomorrow:((((((( the crepes the arcade the theater i am just a puddle of goo it's very hard to type like this he wants to live with youuuuuuu:(((((

getting to fall asleep with you every night, eat breakfast with you every morning, see more of your footprints in his life… satoru can’t think of anything he’d like more.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

pls he's sooooo so sweet:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((i have so much love for him it really will eat him alive i think

and it's gonna eat you alive too don't think you can escape me ari..... LIKE HOW DO YOU KEEP DOING THISS?????? in awe i think is the right thing to say here that's where i live in awe in love in ribcage idk i'm feeling kind of delirious by now i think i actually have a fever ari i adore you so so so much you and your writing you and your art never fail to make me feel so warm and so full of love you're the real angel of this story btw no arguing

anyway i'll be teaching a philosophy class and we'll be pondering over the question of "what ever did we do to deserve ari?" yes it will be an in person class i have techonology get your asses over here we'll be using colorfol pencils to write down our love letters and in the end of the class we'll send them to them ARI MY SWEET SWEET ANGEL MY IRIS MY BELOVED SPOUSE I THANK YOU FOR THIS MEAL I LOVED IT SO FUCKING MUCH MY CHEEKS HURT MY EYES ARE RED BUT I LOVED IT THANK YOU<3333333333333333333333

+ crying emoji count: ..........................................................................197

ask me to leave and i’ll stay forever ; satoru gojo

synopsis; satoru is stubborn; even when plagued by such a high fever, he insists there’s no need to take care of him. thankfully, you’re equally as stubborn.

word count; 10.8k

contents; satoru gojo/reader, gn!reader, implied non-sorcerer!reader, sickfic, reverse comfort, sickening amounts of fluff, lots of petnames, satoru gojo vs the mortifying ordeal of being loved, just a tinyyyy bit of angst if u rlly squint, literally just satoru being pampered for like 10k words straight, he’s cute when he’s sick but still manages to be a lil shit <33, he’s also a huge sap you have been warned!!

a/n; what can i say, im a proud member of the ”satoru gojo needs to be babied relentlessly” club <33 he’s just a little guy!! tagging @catchuuu my beloved for being the sweetest enjoy a healthy dose of sick sleepy satoru <33 i am tagging all toru enjoyers in spirit btw i love u all

you’ve never seen satoru like this before.

head buried into a big pillow, white locks tousled and sticking to his forehead — skin sweaty, hot to the touch, with a flushed face to match. heavy breaths fall from his parted lips, blinking in and out of consciousness, squeezing his eyes shut.

it’s nothing like the joyous, loud, cocky satoru you’re so used to. he’s weak. he’s fatigued.

he’s completely, undoubtedly sick.

”really, baby,” he slurs, raspy and dry. still attempting to raise himself up, arms straining under the weight of his shivering body. ”there’s no need f’ —”

unceremoniously, his limbs give out beneath him, and he tumbles right back down; a meek little wince escaping his throat as his face falls back into the mattress. the sound makes your heart squeeze tightly in your chest.

”ah. that’s…” he tries to speak, a disgruntled hum muffled by the sheets. ”… annoying.”

satoru sounds frustrated. you can tell he’s resisting the urge to close his eyes, a little helpless, unable to even move properly, like a fish out of water. he’s still breathing unevenly, still sweating, still burning up — you can practically feel it, from where you’re standing, crouched down by his bed.

you’ve never, ever seen satoru like this. you’ve seen him sniffling during flu season, wrecked with headaches during rainy season. you’ve seen him vulnerable; not many times, but enough that it matters. 

but you’ve never seen him like this.

(and it makes you terribly anxious.)

”satoru, please just —” you croak, gnawing at your bottom lip. trying desperately to swallow the worry in your chest. ”don’t overdo it. please?”

you can hear the anxious little timbre of your own voice, and you can feel the frown tugging at your lips. but you can’t do anything to quell the insistent pitter patter of your heartbeat, the ache that accompanies it. satoru’s lying down, still trying to gather the strength to reassure you, even through the feverish haze clouding his mind. 

he looks so small.

this wasn’t what you were expecting to see, today. you were expecting to meet up with satoru, and see his happy little grin, those tiny dimples and freckles that only show themselves in the light of the sun. you were expecting to feel the weight of his hand in yours, as you strolled down to the new crêpe stand he’s been wanting to check out since he first found their instagram account.

you were expecting to see him happy. healthy. a little obnoxious, a little annoying — but hopelessly sweet. all the love you could ever need, molded into a human shape. your little angel.

a sigh slips from your lips. you can’t help it; because satoru is just so stubborn, so closed off, and he can be such an idiot sometimes. you knew something was off the moment he sent you that text, asking you oh so charmingly, apologetically, if you could postpone your date for just an hour or so. you knew something was wrong, but he still wouldn’t let up until you brought out the 🥺 emojis. 

and then he told you he was fine. it’s all he ever is, apparently.

my throat’s just a little scratchy, is all. wouldn’t want you to miss out on the voice you love so much, yeah?

give me an hour and i’ll be perfect for you. <3

moron.

he’s curled up in a fetal position, trying to stop himself from shivering, muttering little reassurances under his breath that you can’t make out. wearing ripped jeans and a nice jacket, like he was fully prepared to head out like this — like he genuinely thought an hour, some painkillers and a dream would be enough to chase away a fever this severe. like he was so desperate to see you he was fully willing to take that risk.

moron. moron. he should’ve called you the moment he realized he was sick. instead, you had to coax him into letting you come over, with a flurry of sad and cute emojis you know make him go weak at the knees when they’re coming from you.

and here you are. in satoru’s house, in front of his bed, trying to convince him that he is, in fact, sick. 

but he just won’t listen.

”just — gimme a couple minutes, honey?” your boyfriend mumbles, barely coherent, stringing words together haphazardly. awfully dizzy. ”i just need the painkillers to kick in, i promise i —”

”satoru.”

there’s a sad tint to your voice, now. unmistakable. one that satoru notices, even through the feverish, muddy filter over his reality. 

and it makes him quiet down.

(he doesn’t want to disappoint you.)

as gently as you can, you settle down on the bed, eyes painfully softened. overflowing with care. towering over him, leaning close — to press your lips against his scorching forehead, brushing away his sweaty bangs with a palpable tenderness. your voice soothing, coming out almost as a low coo. you’re frustrated, and exasperated.

but most of all, you’re worried.

”go back to sleep,” you hum, a gentle command. your hand finds his, cold skin meeting warm, tracing circles over his palm. ”i’ll take care of you.”

”there’s no need,” he mutters, instantaneous. so used to denying kindness. 

but he curls an arm around your waist, anyway, tugging you closer; a little needy. like you’re much too far away for his liking. finally beginning to settle down, coaxed into resting by the soft touches your grace him with. it’s only a matter of time.

so you keep your lips against his forehead, cradling his slender fingers in yours, murmuring little whispered reassurances. and before you know it, his lashes have fluttered shut, like a white dove landing on the ground. he still looks so troubled, so meek. you can’t resist the urge to soothe him, hand cupping his face, thumb smoothing over the apple of his cheek. you watch him lean into it, eyes dripping with care. your poor baby. 

for a couple precious moments, you allow yourself to indulge in the sight. even like this, he looks a bit like an angel, a painting come to life. like one wrong brushstroke could smudge him. 

so you’re delicate, as you trace little hearts into his skin, delicate as you maneuver his body enough to peel the layers of clothing off him — leaving him in only an oversized tee and a pair of briefs. satoru can only whine, softly, so quiet you barely even hear him. so disoriented, on the brink of falling into a deep slumber. some part of him is trying to resist, you’re sure, still agonizing over the date he’s missing out on. as if anything matters more than his health.

but it doesn’t work. he can only let out a tiny groan, hopelessly pliant as you tuck him in, pulling a big blanket over his shoulders. you card through his hair, another soft kiss planted on his sweaty forehead — and your hand stays between his locks until you’re sure he’s asleep. his breathing mellows out, his grip around your waist loosens, seeking comfort from you even in his dreams.

you’d crawl under the blankets with him, but you have work to do.

stealing one final glance at your fever-ridden lover, your heartbeat ricochets. he still looks so meek, all warm and sweaty, shirt sticking to his skin. a frown tugs at your bottom lip.

satoru is always so stubborn, refusing to lean on others for support. you wish he had called you immediately, nagged at you to come baby him. sure, you might’ve sighed in faux exasperation, and teased him a little, but it still would’ve made you feel happy. useful. and you would’ve done it in a heartbeat. maybe, if you just prove that you can take care of him properly, he’ll do it next time.

so you stand up, leaning down to press your lips against his forehead one last time, and make your way towards the kitchen.

satoru’s house is spacious. a little too spacious, enough for at least three people to live in comfortably; nice furniture, an expensive sofa in the living room, a large tv you’re almost certain he only keeps around for white noise. such are the ways of the rich, you suppose. he doesn’t invite you over very often, so you’ve never had the chance to get very affiliated with the space. it’s always the other way around — him, waiting for you on the couch when you get home, chirping out an unconvincing don’t even worry about it, baby! when you ask how he got in without a key. or him, showing up at your doorstep in the middle of the night, filling the sleepy silence with jokes to distract you from the bags under his eyes.

(he likes it when you cling to him in your sleep — he sleeps a lot better that way. that’s what he told you, at least, when you brought him coffee in bed that one time. a little glimmer of honesty.)

he stays over so often he might as well just move in, but you aren’t really sure how to even approach that subject. some part of you fears it’d be too much, too intimate, that he’d pack his bags and run away. bringing all his secrets with him, that soft laughter you’ve grown so fond of. so you figure it’s better to let him make a home out of yours, let him curl up on your couch and snack on the candy you hid in your kitchen cabinets. that’s safe for him.

and now that you’ve seen his home up close — if you can even call it that — you think you’re starting to understand his preference. because it’s spacious, yes, but also empty. save for expensive furniture and fake houseplants, there isn’t anything to indicate that the apartment belongs to him, that he feels comfortable there. like he hasn’t even bothered to make it his. like it’s about to be sold, and you’re just one of the potential buyers, checking the place out. admiring the patterns of the floorboards and the walls.

it doesn’t feel like satoru at all. 

his own bedroom was another story, a much more pleasant one. a lot more satoru. filled with little trinkets, key charms and souvenirs and silly figurines. a framed photo of three students by the windowsill, an old uniform hanging by his closet, socks strewn about here and there. a dying houseplant. comic books and movie posters and a ps5 you don’t think he’s touched since he finished spiderman 2. a king sized bed, that makes him look like a spoiled little princess when he’s lying in it, next to a cat plushie you won for him at a fair. knowing he actually sleeps with it kind of makes you want to cry.

there’s this particular scent, too, lingering in the air. mellow, nostalgic, the kind that soothes you with just a whiff; a blend between sunlight, expensive cologne, and something sweet. it clings to all his favorite clothes, to his skin. you’d live in it if you could. 

something constricts, inside your chest — like thorny vines strangling your beating heart, pressing down ever so slightly. just thinking about it, about him, about his distressed expression as his head hit the pillow. making your way over to his kitchen, getting yourself affiliated with the space, preparing to make a good soup for his fever. the fridge is almost empty, save for sweets and that one drink you like. the takeout boxes on his kitchen table tells you all you need to know.

it only makes you worry more.

luckily, you were clever enough to buy your own ingredients on the way here. chop, chop, into tiny little pieces. chicken soup should help, shouldn’t it? it’s all you can focus on, all you can hope for. anything is fine; you just want to help him, be of use somehow. he does so much for you.

you just want to give some of it back.

satoru’s loneliness is a subtle thing. flexible, alert, slipping away at the slightest sign of knowing eyes. for someone who’s so often surrounded by people, cracking jokes and laughing louder than anyone else, he doesn’t seem to make any noise when he’s alone. he curls into himself, just a bit, and a kind of reminiscence smooths over the contours of his face. 

that’s when you see him. that lonely, lonely guy. resigned to his self-imposed isolation, paradoxically yearning for something more. watching as the cherry trees bloom, like they’ll give him the answers he seeks once they bear fruit.

but the moment you come into view, he smiles. knowing you won’t push it — that you’ll let him take his time. that you’ll let him flee, just a little. 

still, you can’t help but wish he’d lean on you a little more. you wish you could chase his loneliness away with a pitchfork, but it’s a fickle creature. you somehow doubt he wants to part with it. 

all you can do is love him. love him, love him, and love him some more; until he’s had his fill.

(you’re not sure he ever will. it’s a good thing, a very good thing, because you’re almost certain you’ll never run out.) 

and that’s why you’re here. in his ghost of a home, his kitchen, pouring water into a large pot. tender, sprinkling love over every single action, every slice and dice, every piece of chicken and veggies thrown into the boiling water. you try and you try, hoping it’ll reach him.

but before you can make another attempt, something reaches you, instead.

two long arms curl around your waist, suddenly, something warm and soft pressing itself against your back. and you almost flinch, completely caught up in the stirring of the soup, unsure of how much time has passed since you began. it jolts you out of your thoughts. 

you know who it is, though. never mind the fact that he’s the only other person in the apartment; you know it’s him by his touch alone, the weight of his arms, that particular scent that surrounds him. like memories of summer.

it’s awfully sweet, the way he clings to you, the soft little blissful sigh that slips from his lips. but before you can feel moved at the domesticity of the gesture, worry clouds your senses. he doesn’t even get the chance to speak.

”satoru —” you place a palm on his forearm, craning your head to look back at him. his forehead rests against your shoulder, and his eyes are closed. he’s still so warm, too warm. ”what are you doing here? you should be resting.” 

your boyfriend mumbles something, under his breath, something that your ears can’t quite digest. he shifts, a little, as if getting ready to put on some sort of act — to smile and joke, or laugh and tease you. you can imagine what he’d say if he wasn’t in such a feverish state; he’d hug you from behind, a low purr of what’cha up to? whispered right into your ear. then you’d jolt, and he’d giggle sheepishly, satisfied with the reaction.

but now, all he can do is cough. still leaning against you, gripping onto your midriff a little more desperately than usual. you step away from the stove, turning around, making sure your hands never leave his. looking up at him with concern in your eyes, noticing his little frown.

”c’mon, you need to lie down.” you reach for his cheek, cupping it in your palm, and he practically melts into it. enjoying the chilly sensation to his fever-ridden skin. “the soup’ll be finished soon, okay?”

”… you made,” he tries, syllables falling from his lips haphazardly. ”soup —” a series of coughs. they cut him off, and the worry in your chest only deepens. 

“don’t push yourself, okay? you’re really sick, dummy.” satoru pouts, but doesn’t say anything, only clinging to you tighter when you usher him away. “let’s go back to your room, alright?”

but he won’t budge. he’s so sleepy, so sick and delirious, putting all his body weight on you. you try your best not to stumble beneath it.

”honey,” you plead, holding him securely in your embrace. his arms around your waist, your hands on his shoulders. ”work with me, please? just gotta get you back to bed —”

”’s…” he whispers, suddenly, a raspy little thing. scratchy, meek, awfully earnest; you wonder if he’s too sick not to be. ”… too lonely without you.” 

a moment passes. your breath hitches pitifully, at the base of your throat.

satoru is hugging you so tightly, as if you could disappear at any moment, slip away if he doesn’t keep you close. he’s holding you as if pleading for comfort, for a touch of safety. as if he needs you. if his meek little admission hadn’t already melted your heart the marrow, that thought certainly would’ve done the job.

taking a moment to collect yourself, you inhale, face surely aflame. satoru just nuzzles into your shoulder, too tired to say anything else, wanting to be close to you. it’s a wonder your knees don’t buckle.

gently, you let your hand trail upwards, palm smoothing down his hair. softly, like he’s a clingy, overgrown cat. ”sorry,” you start, just a little breathless. ”i’ll be with you, okay? won’t leave you alone. i promise.”

there’s an earnesty in your words that you doubt you could ever fake. satoru must hear it too, you think, because he finally begins to work with you. allowing you to stumble towards his bedroom, supporting his weight.

but once you make it to his bed, he still refuses to let go of you.

”toru, gotta go finish that soup. ’n make you some tea.” you rub his back, soothingly, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. shaking his head and emitting a throaty groan, only squeezing you tighter when you try to guide him under the covers. how cruel of him, to act so cute when said soup is most likely boiling over by the stove. ”please, sweetie? it won’t take long. i promise. you can go back to sleep.”

another groggy huff. you’re both still standing by the edge of the bed, and satoru still won’t let you leave. all you can do is sigh, smearing a little kiss against his neck. 

he squirms, ever so slightly, and you get an idea.

so you keep pressing little kisses against his skin, knowing just how to make him melt. feeling him relax in your embrace, snuggle into your chest, so pliant that he lets you tuck him in — as long as your lips stay pressed against his jaw. before he can realize what’s happening, you grab hold of the blanket, draping it over him; his half-lidded eyes blinking up at you. you press a final kiss against his forehead, grabbing the cat plushie from the edge of the bed and placing it close enough for satoru to reach if need be.

”i’ll hurry, toru. be a good boy and stay here, alright?” 

a teasing lilt sneaks into your voice, coaxed out by how adorable your boyfriend looks like this; baby blue eyes all droopy, snowy hair messy as it falls across the cushion he’s resting on. blinking sluggishly, grunting a little in response. 

when you scurry off the bed and make your way towards the door, you glance back at him. he’s still looking in your direction, with half-lidded eyes, and your chest aches. ”i’ll be back soon, baby,” you try to soothe him. “try to sleep.”

this time, you hurry. body working almost on autopilot, images of your boyfriend still tugging at your heartstrings like he’s arranging an orchestra, moving your legs forward. before you know it, you’re walking back, carrying a tray with both your hands. steam wafts up from the hot soup and the warm cup of tea, shaking a little as you walk, a pair of painkillers in your pocket. just in case he needs more. an eager, pulsating joy rushes through your veins — now you can be with him, tend to him, not leave him alone in a room so like him you wish you could stay there forever. 

your footsteps are light, almost careful as they cross the threshold. satoru stirs, waiting for you to come to his side, looking like a kicked puppy in his giant bed. he tries to lift himself up, but it looks like it requires an intense amount of focus, like his elbows could buckle any second. 

”careful,” you croon, hurrying over, placing the tray on the nightstand. gently pushing him back down on the mattress. he complies almost instantly, too out of it to put up a real fight. staring at you, as if in awe.

to satoru, you appear almost as an angel, a somewhat blurry figure that he recognizes without looking. your very presence is soothing, like a lullaby in human form. with the hazy filter clouding his mind, he can’t even seem to form words correctly — all satoru can focus on is you. your movements, the lilt of your voice, a cold hand dulling the heat of his forehead.  

his fever still hasn’t gone down. you try and muster a smile, but you’re sure it must look painfully coated in unease. crouching down, you place your elbows on the bed, your jaw meeting the mattress. you’re at eye level with him, now.

”hey,” you start, low and comforting. you don’t want to be too loud. ”sorry it took so long.”

using what little energy he has left, satoru crosses the distance between you, inching closer and closer. noticing it, you reach a hand out to cup his cheek — lips quick to find his forehead. a barely audible sigh leaves him, and you smile.

”d’you think you can eat?” you whisper, gazing at him fondly. treating him a little like a baby, maybe, but you can’t help it when he’s like this. quiet as a mouse. ”i made soup and tea… sound okay?”

he tries to make a noise. it comes out sounding like a strange blend between a dissatisfied groan and an affirming hum, but he still ends up nodding slightly. you wonder if indulging you is ingrained into his bone structure. 

”… okay. think you can sit up, toru?”

once again, your boyfriend only hums — but he does begin to move, trying to hoist himself up, wobbling pitifully. you help, keeping him steady until his spine meets the headboard. slumped against it, he blinks slowly, feverishly.

”thank you.” you press a chaste kiss against his cheek, before reaching for the cup of tea, the scent of chamomile and lavender filling your senses. you blow on it softly. ”here. it should help with your throat, so try to drink a bit, okay? s’ got honey in it.”

silently, he accepts the cup, bringing it to his lips. when he takes a sip, you catch the slightest hint of a grimace on his lips; even with your warning of careful, it’s hot, you think he must have managed to burn his tongue. 

satoru keeps his thoughts to himself, not wanting to worry you. but he can’t say bringing himself to drink it is an easy endeavor, with how sweaty it makes him feel, how it forces him to acknowledge how painfully dry his throat is. how he can’t even taste the herbs.

he wants to be good for you, though.

so he gulps it down, slowly, managing to sip almost all of it until you decide to give him a break. compared to this morning, he already feels just a little better, a little less like he’s in a fever dream. you’re sitting by the bedside, so patient, so caring. he can’t take his eyes off you, even now. clearing his throat, attempting to get used to speaking again. ”thanks.”

the mutter sounds strained, but slightly easier on the ears, easier to make out than before. courtesy of the honey, you assume. gosh, you hadn’t realized you’d begun to miss his voice so much. 

”no problem,” you hum, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “think you can eat something? or is that too much?”

”’course,” he croaks. there’s a slight sense of liveliness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, but before he can continue, he’s caught off by a small coughing fit. harmless, but sufficient in making you worry. 

”no need to force yourself,” you soothe, patting down his head, watching as he quiets down. the tea might’ve given him a temporary energy boost, but you still don’t want him to overdo it. “just relax, satoru.”

he hums, weakly, and you reward him with a light ruffle of his hair. then you direct your attention to the soup on the nightstand, still hot, smelling of vegetable broth and fresh chicken and coriander. you bring the bowl down to your lap, and take a spoonful of the soup, blowing on it like you did with the tea. bringing it towards his lips. 

”i dunno if it’ll taste very good,” you admit, scratching absently at the back of your neck. ”but it should help with the fever, at least. i’d be happy if you could eat a bit.”

as his lips make contact with the metal of the spoon, satoru can’t help but let himself be swept away. he still feels a little too hazy, too feverish to really comprehend what’s happening; he feels oddly bare like this, vulnerable, a little afraid of what might come out of his mouth if he doesn’t keep it shut. so he opts to accept the treatment he’s receiving, not putting up a fight or making a fuss. not meeting your expectant eyes.

(he feels a little shy, being spoonfed by you. how very unlike him.)

the soup does feel soothing. he thinks he can even get a sense of the taste, how hard you must’ve worked on it. but more than anything, the way you’re acting is like balm to his soul — looking at him so kindly, treating him so tenderly. offering him spoon after spoon with gentle words of encouragement. being babied in such a way makes him feel so oddly content that he’s almost embarrassed. it should be the other way around. 

yet here you are, spoonfeeding him soup that you made yourself, because he’s sick, even though he hates to admit it, and you care about him. he allows the information to linger in the back of his head, for a while, wallowing in the comfort it brings him. fully comprehending it would take too much of a toll on him, in this state. 

satoru basks in the intimacy of the situation, and so do you. brushing strands of hair away when they stick to his skin, pressing your lips against his forehead to check his temperature. you keep doing it until satoru’s appetite dwindles.

”alright, that should be fine —” you glance down at the bowl, now roughly half-empty. more than enough, you think. ”uhh… how do you feel?”

”… better,” satoru answers, truthfully, the ghost of a smile on his glossy lips. ”thank you.”

for a second, you only stare, saying nothing. there’s something in satoru’s expression that catches you off guard, something that’s a little hard to identify. is it the way the light reflects off his skin, his pupils? the red, feverish flush of his skin? that flimsy little smile? or is it the honesty in his eyes, the way he’s looking at you like he’s trying to convey something he can’t put into words? 

as you look at him, take him in, the boy you love so dearly, you can’t help but feel like he just carved open his chest — let you peek inside his ribcage. it’s hard not to feel flustered, in the presence of something so vulnerable.

and he’s thanking you. as if taking care of him is a great burden, a chore, something you’d demand gratitude for. you want to tell him that it’s the bare minimum, the very least of what he deserves. the very least of what you could, should do for him.

you want to tell him that he’s safe, here. that there’s no need to be the strongest, whatever the hell that means, that he can let go of the burdens you know he hides from you. that he can just be your sick, terribly stubborn boyfriend.

”… okay,” is all you breathe out, every other word getting stuck in the back of your throat. ”that’s good.”

satoru’s fingers curl around yours, suddenly, where they lay on your lap. his movements are still a little groggy, disoriented, as he brings your hand up to his lips. they’re warm and soft, especially so in light of his fever. he closes his eyes, white lashes catching the light of the sun, flitting in through the haphazardly closed blinds. your heartbeat stutters.

”… love you,” he mutters. a soft little thing. your eyes don’t leave his face. and your lips part before your brain can instruct them to.

”i love you too,” you blurt out, instantaneous. like you couldn’t bear to keep him waiting, even for a second. ”… satoru.”

he smiles against your skin. he always does, at the sound of those words. you make him feel so terribly, terribly weak, all the time, everyday. you make him feel so human, and he can’t bring himself to think of it as a bad thing anymore. 

he’s still cradling your hand when he brings it down to the blanket. ”thanks for coming,” he continues, pushing himself. trying to get the words out while he still has the energy to say them. “you didn’t have to.”

they’re a little clumsy, a little stale on his tongue, but they’re honest. he is thankful — the prospect of being seen like this is discomforting, gruelingly so, but he doesn’t mind nearly as much if it’s you. he’d never tell you, but he did feel just a little lonely, when he woke up this morning. disoriented, enveloped by hot flashes of pain, in a way he’s not used to in the slightest. missing out on your date, too, that he had been looking forward to ever since you decided on a time. 

but, as if sensing it, you came to his rescue. the feeling of your lips on his skin was the first sensation he felt, when he woke up for the second time — with you by his side, this time. his guardian angel, carrying the scent of spring with you. a memory of a certain boy, of better times. 

(satoru thinks you’re nostalgia personified. he likes to imagine that you met as children, underneath a cherry tree somewhere, but he knows it’s not true. there’s no way he wouldn’t remember you.)

you smile. pleased, at his show of vulnerability, small as it may be. ”i wanted to,” you assure him. equally honest, equally full of double meanings and hidden messages that neither of you need to uncover to understand. ”… i care about you. of course i’d come.”

a light, raspy chuckle; that’s all satoru manages to vocalize. his mind is stuffed, and there’s an ache in his chest, longing to be filled. it’s been there for a while now. but somehow, you seem to fill it up, slowly but surely, almost effortlessly — with every sound you make, every slight movement, every flicker of an expression on your face. everything seems so effortlessly perfect, in his eyes.

the words leave his lips before his mind can think the thought to reel them back in. 

”what did i do to deserve you…?”

you blink. a moment passes.

then your eyes soften, considerably so, crumbling at the corners like the cookies satoru loves so much. he’s looking at you, eyes soft in a similar sense, layered over with adoration. you think the love inside your chest might crawl out of your throat and eat him alive.

you give him a chuckle of your own, quivering slightly. terribly fond. this time, you’re the one who drags his hand up to meet your lips; kissing his knuckle softly. his breath hitches.

”i’m the one who should be saying that to you,” you grin, a little weakly. and you mean it. you don’t think you’ve ever meant anything more. 

it’s so honest that it strikes a cord right down his heart, more heat than the fever can account for rushing to his cheeks. satoru hopes you don’t notice it. all he can do is squeeze your fingers, lightly, not trusting his voice not to break. silence lingers, and you only gaze at him softly. 

”… do you want anything else?” you finally ask, with a tilt of your head. still so eager to assist, racking your brain to come up with anything else to do for him. ”i’ll get it for you, no matter what it is.”

and, truthfully, satoru thinks you’ve done more than enough. more than he could ever make up for. but he’s always been greedy, and there’s one thing, only one thing, one thing he can’t help but ask for. something he craves more than anything. he can’t help but indulge himself, indulge in his selfishness, in the need to feel your skin against his. 

so he stretches his arms out, and looks at you with a distinctly needy glint in his eyes. his fingers move in a grabby motion, almost unconsciously, and he might’ve been embarrassed if he wasn’t still so feverish. all he wants is to keep you close, to make the hollowness inside his chest dissipate. you always make that lonely feeling go away.

needless to say, you heed his request. almost instantly, your heart pumping in a steady rhythm, with this visceral desire to keep him close, to protect him. and who are you to resist, when he’s asking you for it himself?

you waste no time crawling beneath the covers, situating yourself right next to your lover. only then do you finally, finally, reach your arms out to pull him close; so close you feel the heat of his skin, the beat of his heart. his cheek meets the softness of your chest, snuggling closer, and you card a hand through his soft locks. his arms reach around your midriff, a perfect puzzle piece, and he releases an audible sigh — deep and satisfied. in his tired, clingy state, he subconsciously throws a leg over yours, trapping you further. 

you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

finally, satoru can fall asleep. with the fever still clouding his senses, and your nimble fingers smoothing along his scalp, the occasional kiss to his head as he listens to your soft heartbeat, he’s drifted off before either of you know it. melting into you, into your warm embrace, cheek squished against your chest. tiny little breaths fall from his lips, and you feel like you’re cradling the whole world in your arms. 

you’re relieved. making yourself comfortable on your back, with satoru sleeping soundly on top of you, hoping he’ll feel better when he wakes up. careful, even with your breathing, intent on letting him sleep. knowing he doesn’t get nearly as much rest as he should, most days. 

before long, even you succumb to the cozy atmosphere, gradually dozing off. satoru is always warm, even more so now, and his weight is comforting.

stifling a yawn, you tug him a little bit closer, allowing your eyes to flutter shut. you could use a day of catching up on lost sleep, too.

when you wake up, you’re acutely aware of something poking your cheek.

it’s a ticklish sensation, sort of irritating, and it rouses you from your cozy slumber. disgruntled, so cruelly ripped away from your sweet dreams — satoru was in it, you think. you feel robbed.

still, you can’t be too mad. not when the real deal is right in front of you, eyes crinkled and full of warmth, a teasing smile on his lips. he’s still snuggled into your chest, all cozy and cute, as you lay on your back, propped up by a myriad of fluffy pillows. he looks up at you adoringly.

”well hello there,” he purrs, shooting a giddy little grin your way. still poking your cheek. ”wakey-wakey, sunshine!”

a series of blinks. you stir a little further, the sleepy haze of your brain beginning to slip off, slowly but surely. it takes a couple of seconds for you to remember why you’re here, what happened before you fell asleep. 

”… hey,” you greet, at last, stifling a yawn and squeezing your eyes shut. stretching lazily, like a sleepy cat. ”how do you feel…?”

”i’m perfect. better than perfect, actually,” satoru chirps, a little cheeky, hoisting himself up so that he’s hovering above you. a hint of mischief in those pretty eyes. ”you’re a good nurse, y’know?”

you huff out a chuckle. as always, his actions reveal more than his words — you could tell he felt a lot better the moment you saw his smile, heard how he formed his words. “alright, that’s good,” you hum, exhaling softly. ”how long was i asleep? what time is it?”

”i woke up just now, too,” satoru lies, albeit a small one. he did wake up recently, only to spend what he thinks must’ve been at least fifteen minutes staring at you until he physically couldn’t take it anymore. he had to hear your voice, see your smile. it’s a personal record for him; usually he spends less time admiring your peaceful expression, far too eager to speak to you.

”it’s pretty late,” he continues, another small lie. pleased with himself. ”way too late for you to go back, actually. how about you spend the night?”

another blink, your eyelids heavy and droopy as they open and close. then you’re reaching for your phone on the nightstand, and checking the time. a smile is quick to bloom on your lips, teasing and bubbly, as you tilt your head to meet his gaze.

”it’s only four, satoru.”

”way, way too late,” he only reaffirms, flopping down on top of you again, keeping you from leaving. ”god knows what kinda creeps are out there at this hour — much too unsafe. i’m just looking out for you, baby.”

”of course,” you indulge him, a sly little roll of your eyes that makes him pout. ”you know i was planning on staying over anyway, right?”

”well, of course! i wouldn’t expect anything less from my favorite nurse.”

his eyes betray his words, gleaming with a sudden colour of excitement, all glitter and relief. a joy that clogs up his throat like seafoam, and spills out from his lips. you look down at him, for a second, unable to resist the temptation — reaching for his forehead with the back of your hand. 

it’s significantly less scalding, now. 

you let out a sigh, laced with relief, one you didn’t know you’d been holding in. ”it really has gone down,” you hum, stretching the sleep from your limbs again. “that’s good.”

satoru huffs. ”i said i was perfect, right? don’t you trust me, my sweet lover?”

”i never know with you,” you give him a huff of your own, exasperated. fond. “you said you were just fine this morning, too.”

”i was!” he whines. piling up lie after lie. “i totally could’ve made it to that date, you know. i got worse because you had no faith in my abilities.”

”right. of course.” you shoot him a lopsided grin. ”you just don’t wanna admit the fever beat your ass, huh?”

”see? no faith.” a chuckle slips from your lips, and satoru has to bite back a smile. ”unbelievable. i fought that fever off just for you, and here you are, laughing at me.”

”oh? i thought it was thanks to my top notch nursing skills?”

”well, that too! but it was mostly me.”

a sigh. “whatever you say.” then you’re smiling, once more, unable to help yourself. eyes crinkled at the edges, soft around the corners. ”i’m just glad you’re better. i was worried.”

satoru pouts, again, but you can tell he acknowledges it — your earnest concern. this is how you love, the both of you, through words that never say it all and actions that say the words your mouths can’t fit. decoding the meaning of it all in silent gestures, glints in your eyes. little truth games.

”you really thought a lil’ fever was gonna be enough to keep me down?” he shakes his head once, then twice. and you know that what he means to say is i never want you to worry. “c’mon, now, baby.”

another lighthearted roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah. my sincerest apologies, my strong, stubborn, totally-not-sick boyfriend.”

”don’t you mean your strong, perfect, beautiful, clever, flawless, totally-not-sick boyfriend?”

”don’t think i didn’t notice you sneaking the stubborn out of there.”

”hehe.”

a silent moment passes, something tender filling up the space between your words. satoru’s weight is still so comforting, like a big blanket, his arms enveloping you as he breathes in your scent. you’re so happy that he’s acting insufferable again.

”alright, my honeybee,” he suddenly chirps, breaking the silence, hoisting himself up. ”time to go. we can still get those crêpes if we hurry.”

you blink. once, then twice.

”… satoru.”

”yeah? what’s up?”

you give him an unimpressed look, gazing up at him, towering over you like he fully thought you’d be alright with letting him leave. ”you’re… not going out today,” you deadpan. “you know that, right?”

this time, he’s the one who blinks. once, then twice.

”huh? why not?”

”uh, because you’re sick, maybe?”

”what?” satoru pretends to be shocked, offended, as if he can’t believe you’d even suggest something so outrageous. ”i’m all better, though!”

you raise an eyebrow, thoroughly displeased. all better? ”your fever isn’t gone, satoru. it’s just not horrible anymore. you’ll get yourself even more sick if you go out now.”

”i won’t! seriously!” he insists, looking down at you with a sorry attempt at puppy dog eyes. ”i feel good enough to run a marathon!”

”you’re not doing that either,” you mutter. then a sigh, exasperated. you can’t let this charade go on for too long. ”come on, satoru — don’t be so stubborn. we can go there another time.”

”but —”

”besides, didn’t you say i have to spend the night because it’s too late to go outside? remember the creeps?” there’s amusement in your voice, a light smile on your lips. ”what if they get us?”

”well, they obviously won’t get you while i’m there,” he huffs. ”what, you don’t think i can protect you properly? you’re hurting me, angel.”

you bite back an incredulous laugh. god, he’s stubborn. you’re so in love with him you just barely restrain the urge to pull him in for a kiss.

”sa-to-ru,” you coo, dragging each syllable out, sending a shiver down his spine. ”we’re not going outside. end of discussion.”

”why not, though?” he continues to pout, still refusing to give in. resorting to cheap guilt-tripping. ”don’t you wanna go on a date with me? you don’t want to see me happy, is that it?”

you only sigh, thoroughly exasperated, reaching up to cup his cheek nonetheless. he nuzzles into it. ”you’re such a baby.”

”your baby.”

another sigh, to mask your adoration. at this rate, the back and forth will never end, so you scramble for solutions.

“can’t we just have our date here?” you suggest, after some contemplation. ”i bought some ice cream on my way here. we could watch a movie, or something. isn’t that enough?”

satoru’s eyes bore into yours. contemplative, as he lets the silence linger, gears turning inside his mind. he wants to go outside with you, wants to hold your hand and hear you hum happily as you bite into your crêpe; wants to steal a bite when you’re not looking.

but it is a tempting offer. you could eat ice cream, and binge a bunch of movies, and he could rest his head in your lap. coax you into playing with his hair.

(he’s maybe, just maybe, a little bit tired, too.)

so, finally, he sighs — softly. in resignation. 

”… well, i guess that’s fine,” he pouts, allowing himself to fall back into your embrace. his voice is muffled, as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. ”i wanted crêpes, though…”

”i’ll get you your crepes,” you assure him, relieved to have reached a compromise. ”i can go buy ’em myself and come back. then we —”

”no, no, no!” satoru suddenly interjects. whining, tugging you closer. ”you’re not going anywhere. not without me!”

a sigh, just as adoring as it is fatigued. ”then i’ll… order crêpes, or something. or we’ll eat ice cream today and then crêpes when you’re better. does that sound okay?”

satoru is silent, for a while.

”… okay,” he hums. ”that’s fine.”

”haah. okay, good —”

”however!” 

you give him a look, a silent what now? that has him smiling. shuffling a little, in your embrace, planting his jaw on top of your chest and gazing up at you with a grin. ”instead of the crêpes, i want a kiss.”

you blink. exasperated, as an amused chuckle follows. ”so convoluted. you can just ask, you know?” you don’t give him time to answer, eager to appease the pouty man. ”whatever.” 

leaning in, you press a chaste kiss to his cheek. sweet and soft. to your surprise, he’s still pouting when you pull away. ”i meant on the lips,” he explains, as if it was obvious. 

a tilt of your head. 

”… but you’re sick.”

”so?” satoru just pouts, expression practically etched into his face at this point. ”you won’t kiss me anymore? just cause i’ve got a tiny, miniscule fever?” he huffs, turning his head to the right and shutting his eyes. ”if you don’t love me anymore, you can just say that.”

another sigh leaves your lips. he’s so ridiculous. you can’t really deny him, though.

”… fine. it’s your fault if i get sick, though.”

in the blink of an eye, he’s perked right back up. wagging his non-existent tail, closing his eyes and waiting for you to try again. silly.

but you relent. his lips are only slightly warmer than usual, and you choose to see it as the good sign it is, proof that his fever truly is starting to dissipate. you feel satoru relax, melting into the kiss, but before it can drag out too long you’ve pulled away. ”— there. happy now?” 

”for now,” he quips, equally teasing. he’s cute, though. a little kiss or two is a small price to pay for the spark of joy in his iris, even if it ends with you sick on your deathbed in a couple of days. 

”that’ll do,” you grin, hoisting yourself up with your elbows, carrying satoru with you, his jaw still on your chest. ”wanna go eat some ice cream, mr unreasonable?”

you don’t really need an answer. of course satoru wants ice cream. you’ve never seen him turn down anything sweet — and, lo and behold, he perks up again, getting into a sitting position. like an excited puppy. 

”got it,” you chuckle, stopping to think for a moment. “there’s soup left, too. but maybe you’d rather order something? it turned out kinda so-so.”

satoru gapes. ”you kidding? that was the best soup i’ve ever had!” 

his exclamation makes you roll your eyes, words so coated in confidence that you almost want to believe him. ”satoru. you don’t have to lie.”

”i’m not!”

”you couldn’t even taste it.”

”i could, i could!” he stubbornly whines. ”i tasted all your love. every single drop!”

you give him a look. he only grins at you, a little teasing, a little giddy. you can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed; averting your gaze with a sharp scoff, trying to appear unbothered. ”yeah? and how did my love taste?”

satoru leans forward. it’s sudden, and you blink, instinctively leaning back in turn. he’s wearing a signature smirk when he stops moving, close enough that you feel his breath on your skin. hot.

”delicious,” he purrs, glancing down at your lips. blue eyes gleaming with mirth. ”best thing i’ve ever had.”

you know he’s just trying to fluster you, so you try to fight against it, but it doesn’t work nearly as well as you’d like — crumbling under his gaze, averting your own with a quiet huff. and he lets you off the hook, satisfied with your embarrassed expression. pulling back slightly, letting you breathe. 

as swiftly as you can, you regain your composure. clearing your throat. ”well, you can have more of it later, then,” you make a move to get off the bed. ”let’s go eat ice cream.”

after being caged in by satoru for so long, your limbs are a little stiff, caught under the weight of his boundless love. when your feet hit the soft flooring, you stretch them out, watching satoru follow your lead. still clad in that sweaty shirt.

”you should probably get a change of clothes,” you suggest, exhaling as your muscles loosen up. ”you’ve been wearing that shirt all day.”

”oh? is that an excuse to see me out of it, sweetheart?” satoru grins, fresh mischief gleaming in his eyes. ”you know you can always just ask.” 

you huff out a sardonic breath. ”yeah, yeah, whatever. throw on a hoodie or something, weirdo.” you stifle a giggle when he makes an offended noise behind you. “and some pants.”

”you don’t like the underwear?” he looks towards the corner of the room, studying himself in the mirror. “this is an expensive brand, you know?”

”you’re the only person on planet earth who’d give a fuck about underwear brands,” you scoff, a little snarky. ”just — put some comfortable clothes on, okay? i’ll go get the ice cream ready.”

”wait!” he exclaims, attaching himself to you, curling his arms around your bicep. “you’re not allowed to go anywhere without me, remember?” 

“… okay, okay. hurry up and get changed, then.”

sitting back down on the bed, while satoru walks towards the closet, you scroll through your phone — refusing to meet his expectant stare. he wants you to look over, you’re well aware, just so he can tease you for trying to sneak a peek. but you’re not falling for it this time. 

when he’s done, he’s wearing a comfy hoodie and some sweatpants. it’s a good look on him, casual and cozy. awfully cute. he wastes no time in attaching himself to you, again, an arm linked with yours as you travel to the kitchen; grabbing the pints of ice cream from the freezer, a couple snack bags from the drawers, before plopping down on the couch.

satoru maneuvers you into his lap, and you don’t put up a fight, leaning into him as your back meets his chest. he keeps you locked in place, arms around your waist, planting his jaw on the top of your head. and he relaxes, comforted by your smaller body pressed up against his. holding you so close satisfies a certain protective itch in his brain, never failing to calm him down. a safe haven, of sorts.

you watch the movie and eat the snacks, chattering away, letting the silence linger every now and then. after a while, satoru gets a slight headache, resting his head in your lap and whining for you to soothe him. you do so without any teasing; you’re much too soft for him. and he’s still sick, even if he’s doing better. you couldn’t resist him even if you tried.

so you opt to indulge him.

”baby, i think my fever’s going up again…” satoru pouts, gazing up at you through fluttering lashes. ”can you check?”

you smile, with a raise of your eyebrow. ”this is the fifth time you’ve asked me to check your temperature, toru.”

”just wanna make sure,” he whines. “please?”

with an exaggerated sigh, you lean down, lips once again meeting his forehead — humming against his skin. nope, his temperature hasn’t gone up. just like it hadn’t gone up the last time you checked, or the time before that.

”you’re good.”

”oh, thank god,” he exhales. ”are you sure? like, a hundred percent sure? maybe you should check again. just in case.”

”satoru,” you coo, a teasing lilt on the tip of your tongue. ”you can just ask me if you want a kiss.”

”a kiss? scandalous. i just wanna make sure my condition doesn’t worsen.”

he’s grinning, and you’re rolling your eyes, and both of you know damn well you’re going to indulge him anyway. he sighs in satisfaction when he feels your soft lips on his heated skin.

”hmm…” you narrow your eyes, thoughtfully, before looking down at him with a teasing smile. ”nope. definitely still the same temperature.” 

”you sure?”

”a hundred percent.”

”hmm. okay, got it.” he rolls over, burying his face in your stomach. wrapping his limbs around your midriff. “that’s good. just wanted to check, you know?”

”of course.”

”might need you to check again soon. just to be safe,” he chirps, biting back a soft grin. you don’t bother hiding yours.

”got it, got it,” you coo, fingers carding through his messy hair. “anything for my sick baby.” 

satoru releases a soft breath, bordering on a giggle. you can’t help but let your smile grow wider, heart brimming with affection. you let it clog up your chest until the movie’s almost over, and you simply can’t help yourself anymore.

”your room is very like you.”

it’s sudden, breaking the peaceful silence, making satoru stir. you’re both starting to get sleepy again. but he blinks up at you, studying your expression before parting his lips.

”… oh? how so?”

“well…” you stop to think. humming, absently fidgeting with a lock of your boyfriend’s hair. ”when i first walked in, i thought the whole house felt kind of empty, you know?”

satoru hums. unsure of where the conversation is going, maybe just a little intrigued. he mostly just likes listening to you talk. 

”but then i went into your room, and — it just felt very you. kinda messy, and stuff, but cozy. and a little sentimental.” satoru looks up at you, admiring that certain soft glimmer in your eyes. you meet his stare with a smile. ”maybe it doesn’t make sense? i guess i’ve just been thinking about it.”

he closes his eyes.

there’s something soft in your tone, something silky and simple, and he can tell you’re being sincere. it’s something he likes about you — that willingness to be soft, almost pridefully so, to bare yourself even if you aren’t sure that he’ll return the favour. he likes to think it’s rubbing off on him, slowly but surely; he doesn’t think he’s quite as bad as before. telling you about things that are dear to him isn’t something that scares him, anymore. and even when you see him vulnerable, sick and delirious in bed, he isn’t afraid that you’ll use it against him.

you’re a comfort; his safe haven. a place to rest his weary head. maybe you always have been, even before he really got to know you.

”i like your place more,” he finally admits, lighthearted in its weight. your gaze flits down, but his is still lingering on the tv, not really paying attention to it. ”it feels very… you.”

a smile crawls up to rest against your lips. playing along, your hands finding solace in between his fluffy locks. ”how so?”

and satoru smiles. eyes sparkling with something mellow, like a soda pop cracked open on a boiling summer day. he shifts a little, just to gaze up at you again. ”it’s… homely. warm,” his smile only grows. “and awfully sentimental.”

he lifts a hand up, to touch your cheek. tender, as his thumb smooths against your skin. it’s warm, beneath his touch, heating up with every word he speaks. satoru’s love feels a little like the sun, when it spills out this fervently, like it could burn you into cinders — you think you’d be happy to lie in the ashes. he’s smiling at you, like sunshine, like little dusty specks of light. and he exhales.

”i wouldn’t mind staying there forever.”

the expression on his face is a lovely one. you take a moment to simply bask in it, desperate to etch it into your memory. you don’t think you could forget it even if you tried. how fondly the light of the room embraces him, that soft grin he’s shooting your way, only vaguely teasing. and his eyes, the gateways to his soul, so sincere you can’t look away.

you love this man with your whole chest. you knew before, you’ve known for a long time, but each day you fall in love all over again. it’s all you can think as you look at him, all snug and safe and happy in your lap.

you don’t realize you’ve been staring at him silently until he chuckles, pulling you out of your sentimental stupor. it only flusters you further.

”you’re cute,” satoru croons, still cradling your cheek. tender, soft fingertips against your heated skin. all you manage is a meek little furrow of your brows, but that only makes him chuckle again.

”… you can.”

he blinks. still smiling.

”stay forever, i mean.”

you can’t look at him, when you say it. the words are barely above a whisper, and you aren’t sure if they’re conscious or not. it’d be nice to say they just slipped out, but they feel somewhat deliberate, all the same. you know you mean them, either way. it’s the one thing you’re sure of.

this time, satoru is the one who can do nothing but stare, his expression unreadable. you try not to let your gaze wander to his face, his eyes; but through the peripheral of your vision, you feel like you catch a particular kind of sadness reflected in them. or maybe it’s something closer to yearning, longing. something like that.

”… well,” he finally hums, voice so low you barely pick up on it. ”maybe i will, then.”

you reach something. 

you catch a glimpse of it, at least, for just a second or two. something warm and bare, something simple and incomprehensible at the same time. an emotion so strong it leaves you reeling, yet still so light. it’s there and then it isn’t, just out of reach, and you think that if you could only find the courage to curl your fingers around his, then —

a laugh track plays from the tv, snapping you both out of your thoughts.

(the moment passes before you can fully understand it, fully comprehend it. maybe some part of you already has.)

…

satoru chuckles, reaching for another ball of mochi and popping it into his mouth. ”this movie’s awful, huh?”

”yeah,” you’re quick to agree, maybe a little too quick. grinning weakly. ”it’s good in a so bad it’s good kinda way, though.”

he hums in absentminded agreement, still chewing on the soft treat. keeping his gaze steady on the screen, the flicker of emotional scenes he hasn’t been keeping track of, barely resisting the urge to look up at you again. but his heart already feels a little too mushy for his liking — he’s not sure he could take it.

satoru doesn’t get sick often.

his immune system is strong, there’s no denying that. but more than anything, he simply can’t afford to be sick. there are people who need him, people who depend on him, and the idea of being in such a defenseless state — stuck in bed while the world continues to spin, unattended — makes him feel so anxious he could throw up. even sleeping makes him feel a little skittish, sometimes, though he’s gotten a lot better since he started falling asleep with you in his arms.

it’s funny, he thinks. before you, being sick wasn’t something that really existed in his world. if he felt a little under the weather he would simply puff out his chest and down a painkiller or two, waving it off with a flick of his wrist; no biggie, really. he’s satoru gojo, after all, and the world needs his eyes on it.

but then you came along. you came to his rescue, spring in your pockets, and you took care of him, with what he knows to be love. genuine, earnest concern for his wellbeing. his happiness.

yeah — it’s funny, for sure. satoru never thought he’d ever enjoy being sick. 

yet here he is, head in your lap, feeling you run your fingers through his hair. kissing his forehead whenever he whines, indulging his little convoluted ploys. bringing him soup, when he gets hungry again, soup you made yourself. he wasn’t kidding when he said he tasted your love through it; it was all he could taste, with his numbed out senses, all he could feel.

you’re so good to him. there’s nothing he would trade for these moments with you, absolutely nothing. he’s glad you came over, after all. glad you’re so stubborn, and oh so caring. satoru can’t help but smile, heart almost stuffed to the brim with gratitude — what could he possibly do with this immense love in his chest?

”i love you so much,” he blurts out, practically beaming. now you’re in his lap, again, and he takes the opportunity to smear openmouthed kisses against your neck. delighting in the little squeak you try to muffle.

”where did that come from?” you blink, squirming a little in his embrace. a movie is still playing on the tv screen, one better than the last — your attention was fixed on it before satoru broke the silence.

”just felt like saying it!” he only chirps, grinning ear to ear. ”i love you. you’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he murmurs, earnestly, lips against your skin. ”my whole world.”

for a moment, you wonder if the fever is making him delirious. then again, this is pretty standard for satoru; always eager to fluster you, to shower you with love until you’re pushing him away. it’s overwhelming, but you’ve never minded. this is how you measure his love — little gaps between too much and never enough.

”… you’re not gonna say it back?” comes a whine, right by your ear. now he’s nibbling at your neck, little beast that he is, pouting because you let the silence linger for too long. he’s being such a baby about it. but you still rush to reassure him, echoing his words in earnest. 

”i love you too, satoru,” you smile, slightly exasperated. craning your neck so that your lips can meet his jaw, and satoru grins, giddy at the attention. ”my whole universe.”

satoru lets out a happy little noise, almost a giggle, sleepy and pleased. his arms squeeze you just a little tighter, like you could never be close enough, even when he’s got you in his lap like this. if he could, he’d keep you there all the time. attached at the hip, close as can be. 

even with a ruined date, even after worrying you, he feels well and truly satisfied. because you're here, and you’re watching a good movie, and you’re gonna stay over tonight. when it gets dark out, he’ll get to fall asleep cuddled up beside you, hold you in his arms and feel you nuzzle into his chest. then he’ll pepper your face with kisses to wake you up, and you’ll grumble all sweetly, and he’ll carry you to the kitchen despite your grumpy protests. you’ll eat breakfast together, chatting and enjoying the way the sunlight flickers around the room like a happy cat. maybe he can even make you breakfast himself, to thank you for today. 

if the fever’s gone by then, you’ll probably let him outside. then you can go get those crêpes, and maybe go to a park, or to the movie theatre, or a fun arcade, before heading back to your apartment to relax. and then he’ll stay over. the day after, too. and the day after that.

living together with you wouldn’t be so bad, he thinks. it wouldn’t be bad at all, actually. 

the thought has been on his mind for a while, now. getting to fall asleep with you every night, eat breakfast with you every morning, see more of your footprints in his life… satoru can’t think of anything he’d like more. maybe he’ll start hinting at it, slowly but surely. if he can lure you into broaching the subject, that would be ideal — but if he has to, he doesn’t mind doing it himself. you’re worth the emotional toll.

you curl into your boyfriend a little further, his jaw now resting cheekily on the top of your head, large palms underneath your shirt and rubbing circles into your bare skin. you have no idea what he’s thinking, no idea about his plans, and he thinks that’s for the best. he knows you’ll indulge him, at the end of the day.

maybe he’ll just ask you, tomorrow. if you say no, he can just blame it on the fever making him delirious.

[foggyfanfic]

Love and Fury's Future

I'm writing this in the beginning of June, but if I've done my math right, the epilogue for Love and Fury escaped the queue this past Friday. There are still a couple of one shots in the works, things like where Leandra and Bruno's kids come from, or Mirabel's gift ceremony (Edit: These will start appearing on Friday), but right now I'm writing the last few chapters and I need to put into words where I want Leandra and Bruno's life to go from here in order to help me work out what seeds to plant. And since I'm writing it down anyways, I'm going to put it here and just release it when the fic is done.

First and foremost, I don't want Leandra to solve all of Bruno's problems, so much as she helps him manage. Leandra should be to Bruno what Felix is to Pepa, she's loving and supportive but there's only so much one person can do.

She'll need to cushion the relationship between Bruno and Alma, so neither of them notices how far apart they've drifted over the years. She's already in a position where Alma might feel closer to her than the other spouses, that could make her a good go between.

She doesn't know what OCD is, and definitely doesn't know the right way to support someone who has it, so she'll probably indulge it a little too much. Instead of questioning why certain things make him anxious and helping him to get past those anxieties, she'll just shrug, respect the fact that they do, and go along with it. This could probably be helpful because she might think of some solutions that reduce the impact that anxiety has on Bruno's life. But he will have fears that seem harmless enough to cater to at first, but slowly snowball into a huge deal.

Leandra will make it her campaign to ensure Bruno has strong emotional connections other than her. She, Agustin, and Felix will take the kids once a month so that Bruno, Julieta, and Pepa can have some triplet time.

Leandra probably smoothed over the wedding thing too, I can't see her not helping Bruno explain what he meant.

She will also be doing everything in her power to keep Bruno's reputation from getting any worse than it is. So, basically, Leandra will be working a full time job maintaining Bruno's relationships for him.

This will mean that he will have more to lose if he loses her. That can't be good for his anxiety. This is one of the fears that starts off harmless but over years snowballs into something mildly debilitating for both of them. Overprotective Bruno turns into "If anything bad happens to my wife, my entire life is over" Bruno, who turns into Emotional Wreck if She Gets so Much as a Paper Cut Bruno.

Leandra learns to rush to Julieta the second she gets the tiniest bruise, because if Bruno sees she got even a little hurt it will ruin his entire week.

Leandra spends her life feeling very loved and supported, but also very aware of the fact that Bruno's mental health is contingent on her never catching a cold. She doesn't dare bring up how this is affecting her emotionally because she kind of gets it. Like, she is putting in all this work just to stop the village from hating him, and it is only sort of working. Of course Bruno is kind of a wreck! It'd be weird if he wasn't affected.

Oooooooh endless cycle. Bruno fears he'll lose everything good in his life if anything bad happens to Leandra, his anxiety stresses Leandra out but she understands there's not much he can do about it, she tries to help him build other healthy relationships so he's less dependent on her, this reinforces that she is the source of good things in his life, and thus reinforces his fear of losing her. The only way to break the cycle is for either Leandra to stop loving Bruno, or somebody reaching out to Bruno without Leandra's prompting/influence.

She bonds with Felix, who deals with something similar, over this. The only people who let Pepa just feel her feelings are the other two triplets and the spouses. And Bruno and Julieta are already dealing with their own problems. When Agustin eventually complains about how overworked his wife is the three spouses start grumbling to each other on a regular basis about the way Alma and the village treat the triplets. Other than their monthly quality time the triplets keep up with each other through their spouses since Felix, Agustin and Leandra have more free time than Pepa, Julieta, and Bruno.

From what we saw in the movie, and based off of things the creators have said, I get the impression that Bruno is the triplet who understands Alma the best. His visions mean he knows how dangerous the world outside Encanto can be better than anyone else raised in the village, and he definitely knows what it's like to be controlled by your anxieties. I imagine that anybody he ends up with, be it my OC or a future canon partner, would have a similar understanding of Alma after a few years of Bruno confiding to them. For that reason, I don't see Leandra coming to resent Alma even when she realizes the woman's trauma is harming the family, she sees her as a kind hearted person who is in pain and sometimes needs to have her energy softly redirected. This is helpful in the short term, but ultimately just prolongs the inevitable.

Where as Mirabel reacts with surprise, hurt, anger, and clear communication when she figures out Alma was the root of the family's problems, Bruno and Leandra react with sympathy and schemes. If they had stopped trying to dance around Alma's trauma and had confronted her with what they'd realized, the cracks could have been healed long ago, instead they put their heads together and try to think of ways to fix things without forcing Alma to confront her grief.

[mvrderer]

Heard you were doing match ups?👀 feel free to ignore me lolol.

I'm an INXP, which means I go from hating myself and being antisocial, to hating myself but taking care of everyone around me 💀

I have been a caretaker since I was very small and I find myself feeling useless if I am not helping someone(my own health aside) it's bad to the point where I collapse frequently from exhaustion but still try shoving water down everyone else's throats.

I'm 5'8" and apparently shaped like a coca cola bottle(woohoo makin step-ma jealous) I typically cover up in extremely baggy clothes 💃

When it comes to a partner I would want someone who let's me take care of them and enjoys my fretting, but takes care of me/us in return. 💗

I can be a House Spouse, but I need someone to actually appreciate it and possibly kill toxic Ex's, y'know?😩❤

HIII IM SORRY I HAVENT BEEN ONLINE LATELY BECAUSE I GENUINELY FORGOT I HAD A TUMBLR ACCOUNT BUT HI! IM GOING TO DO THIS!

i hope this is good enough for you!

warnings : cursing, lack of proof read

so i think the most suitable slasher for you is...

Bo Sinclair !

he made the first move to introduce himself to you! the usual ol' charming southern man facade he put up before possibly murdering you (obviously he wouldnt, pretty sure you can guess why)

thinks you're way too self loathing for someone he finds attractive

i mean, he's the bo sinclair! anyone that scores him is a hottie! and he definitely thinks that you are one

he's 6'2", you're 5'8", can i make it anymore obvious [sk8r boi instrumentals blasts in the bg]

adores and even gets an ego boost from the height difference you two have, he definitely teases you for it like a lot of things he teases you for; but not the point it'd hurt of course. you're his "Beau" and he adores every inch of you, he loves you for you and that does not exclude your physical form. if you steal his clothes, he'd act mad but smirk like a smug mf when he sees you in it cuz he's winning

which includes taking care of you. loving you comes with a perk, and that's to be more observant especially towards you.

he loves it when you take care of him, get babied by you, but he of course acts like he doesn't. and sometimes—he actually doesn't because of how you neglect yourself. he definitely forces you to sit down and rest, gives you a massage if any part of your body is sore and just gives his full attention towards you. he's not much of a cook but he tries his best for you and makes sure you fulfill every basic human needs

when you get those types of self deprecating thoughts, he's quick to shut them down.

“ now, now, dont say that about yourself sweetheart. ” and holds you while whispering how important you are to him and how much of a darling you've been towards him. of course, he gets quite aggressive [not physical, in a “ STOP FUCKIN' SAYIN' THAT BOUT YOURSELF!! ” way] at times because he's frustrated that you can't see yourself how he sees you, but he's quick to apologize and quick to reassure you he loves you no less.

when there's a conflict, he makes sure it won't destroy the "us" between you two.

let me be honest, being with bo will have complications. he's mentally ill, you're mentally ill, it doesn't cancel out like pemdas. but he tries so hard to have a healthy relationship, imagining that he's hurt his beau would shatter him so he tries his best to make up, but you'd probably find him stumbling around in the kitchen all messy and he's embarrassed when he explains himself like “ ...i tried making cookies. ” it's okay to laugh at him, as long as you kiss him and help him out

he would love the domestic life with you, and will do anything to have it. <3

which means, he definitely would beat someone to death for you! when you have an honest talk and the two of you share things that has happened to y'all — it makes his blood boil when he hears about your shitty ex. if he's willing to beat up a stranger that looks at you weird what difference would it be when it's someone you've had a bad history with? with that ex gone, now you can move on and be happy with a future with Bo!

[diamonddoestmblr]

Today was a rough one. In no way has it been bad, but it's been a lot.

Wednesdays are my weekly collection release days. Because of my schedule I haven't set an exact time for my releases, but they always happen.

There was so much to be done today and if I'm being honest not everything got done. The chores at my house remain neglected as I focused purely on the release, laundry, and social interactions.

(No, not in person, these are still COVID-times.)

Despite being fairly simple, it takes quite a lot of work and a good amount of touch to get everything ready for a release, so where as that did take a good bit of time, I did have one particular conversation today that lasted over an hour.

Oh, and when I say laundry, I mean I did two weeks worth of clothes and my bedding, so it was an all day thing.

These lengths of conversations aren't uncommon in my life. I have such wonderful, beautiful, talented friends and they all deserve my full attention.

Now you may be wondering who grabbed so much attention from me today. It was the beautiful wife of the man I've been seeing recently.

I can imagine out of context that may sound very scary, however we're all polyamorous and in no way was this some sort of confrontation.

Both her and her husband are such wonderful and beautiful people. They're strong, disciplined, sexy, successful, smart, inspiring, and well aligned. (Not to mention they're also cat people!)

It wasn't until here recently that she had reached out to me through one of the social medias. Since they're newer to the lifestyle I wanted her to be comfortable enough before talking to me, so I hadn't reached out myself.

Besides, it had only been a couple of dates and I know it's hard dating in the poly community when you live in a conservative state. It's much better to be apprehensive at first in these kinds of situations. Just like dating in any situation, many people are just not the right fit. Until someone that does fit well into your dynamic comes along it can be quite discouraging.

I've had so many crazy experiences with polyamory. Whether my own or just stories from my poly peers. Everything from someone claiming polymory as a way to cheat on their spouse to, despite clearly defined boundaries, trying to break marriages.

It saddens me that we don't get to hear about healthy poly relationships very much. It's such a magical thing to experience. When everyone loves each other and everyone's boundaries are not only communicated, but respected.. I can't even begin to describe the level of uplifting it is.

All this said, just as healthy polyamory tends to do, they've inspired me. I have an idea for a book that I want to write. Something to bring more representation and light to both polyamory and nonbinary. (Which is what I identify as. Pronouns do not matter to me: they/she/he.)

Though I'm not sure how to tell them that they've inspired this within me (because I want this to book to be about a relationship developing well into long term polyamory and I don't want them to feel any pressure that the book is about them specifically), I am thankful and grateful for that spark needed to ignite those passionate ideas that writers stay up too late writing about.

Thank you both, I am so lucky.

[thebabyw1tch]

hello beautifuls. are you two still doing readings? if possible can i request a future spouse reading?

Yes, we are and yes you can! This is a mixed reading from both admins (we were already on a call together so we thought why not).

Island Time Wellness Love Oracle Cards: (Admin M)

Abundance - Keep a positive mindset, manifest exactly what you want, gratitude, bliss

Camera - reminiscing, keepsake, perception, learn from the past, make memories

Healthy Choices - making healthy choices in love and in life, self-love, self-care, being happier

The Romance Angels Oracle Cards: (Admin M)

Separation - Time apart from your partner is on the horizon

Deception - Someone is wearing a false self mask in this relationship

Forgiving and Learning - As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moments

Analysis: (Admin M)

This person has definitely come from a bad relationship in the past. I get vibes that they may have some unresolved issues with it (and that's okay). The beginning of your relationship with them may be a learning process for both you and them. I think they have some separation anxiety and attachment issues. This relationship with you will be very healing for them. Both of you will benefit from this relationship greatly though, and there will be a lot of love/passion going around while together. This relationship will teach them, and possibly you too, what a healthy relationship should look like. While rough in the beginning, I think it will turn out well.

Bonus Healing Card: (Admin M)

The world lives and breathes, and we can draw its spirit into us - Think rolling waves, warm sun, wet grass, fresh earth, crowded elevator, busy streets, birds singing. Get into all the sensations of life today. You don't need a lengthy meditation to connect to Nature-just draw in it.

(Don't forget to live in the here and now. You may be missing out on opportunities in the present because your mind is stuck in the past or future. )

Rider Waite tarot deck (Admin K): 7 of cups 6 of swords (reversed) The star 7 of pentacles (reversed Death 5 conflicts The empress (reversed)

Soul connections oracle deck: (Admin K) Tested - your strengths and weaknesses are being tested Synchronicity - a divine soul counterpart relationship is blessed with amazing moments of synchronicity Enlightenment - with enlightenment there is no separation, we recognize that we are one with the one

Lovers oracle deck: (Admin K) Twins flames - your passion ignites "Give thanks for the blessings of love soon to come your way. Know that you deserve to be and have all that your heart desires." Power - you instinctively know what is right for you and you have the power to say no or walk away at any time.

Analysis (Admin K): Right off the bat, it seems like this person has a lot of their own baggage they're holding onto. Perhaps, they're indecisive, maybe they regret decisions they've made, but either way, they seem to be someone that has a lot of unresolved things that they have yet to work through. Though, with the death card, in particular, that isn't to say they can't or won't change. I see change is highly likely for this person, however, I have the strong feeling it won't be until after entering this relationship. Twin flames did come up and not everyone believes in that, so I won't have the entire reading revolve around it, though that would make a lot of sense because I see both you and this future spouse changing a lot together. Twin flame connections tend to push both parties into becoming higher versions of themselves. This person will be inclined to heal and work on themselves and through this connection, you will learn a lot about yourself and possibly what you value in partnerships and other people. I see this spouse having a lot to work with and a lot to overcome, but overall they seem to be someone that is willing to change.

Bonus card from my Moonology deck: (Admin K) Full moon in eclipse - conclusions are within reach I'm feeling like maybe you're coming to the end of something personal, possibly a healing journey or a decision you've gone back and forth on for a while, and you're finally within reach of a conclusion because you've gained confidence within yourself. I feel like it could be surrounding love, maybe finally being ready for a relationship or to open up to someone, but I'm also getting that maybe you're finishing something important to you. (Maybe school or a credential, but not necessarily.) But keep going and don't give up!

[furiouskittystarlight]

Top 10 completed Chinese novels to read in Quarantine .Reading unfinished novels is very frustrating as you have to wait for it same goes for not completely translated ones as so here goes a list of the top 10 you can read as they are finished and completely translated .☺️

1-

ll Marks Hidden Marriage: Pick Up A Son Get A Free Husband summary:

After five years, Ning Xi has returned and is out to take revenge on the sister who turned her parents against her, and the childhood sweetheart who betrayed her for her sister. She aims to fulfil her childhood dream and become a famous actress. However, her sister is still out to get her and she has to avoid all her underhanded schemes. One day, after falling into one of her sisters' schemes, she meets an adorable kid and saves him. This was how Ning Xi found herself staying at the mute little kid's house to help him come out of his shell. Slowly, his father Lu Tingxiao starts falling for her too.

You can read it :

2-A billion stars can't amount to you

Time stopped at eighteen for Ji Yi, and now all she wants to do is pick up from where she left off. Her career depends on it, and on top of that, she has to survive a fake marriage turned real! Some missed opportunities are irreplaceable, and some misunderstandings between them have proven near-fatal, but for He Jichen, he isn’t just a pretty face—he’s an opportunist. They may have lost their prime years together, but He Jichen is more than willing to spend his remaining years with her. If only she would just trust him… Will Ji Yi be able to find true love in this life? Can she outmaneuver all the snakes plotting her downfall? Only time will tell...

You can read it in :

3-Bringing the nations husband home

Bringing The Nation's Husband Home summary:

Qiao Anhao and Lu Jinnian had secretly longed for each other for thirteen years, and now that there's a possibility for them to be together, even though the circumstances may be unconventional, neither one can refuse their inner desires any longer. Hurled into a false marriage, Qiao Anhao treads carefully towards the cold and reclusive Lu Jinnian, but after years of near-missed opportunities and deep misunderstandings, how could their last shot at love possibly run smooth? **"Nation Husband" is a Korean term awarded to a man who is perfect in the eyes of the public - an ideal husband.

You can read it in :

4 -Husband is a great black belly

Description

“You can think of Man as a dog, but can you make a dog into man?”

“If my future love rival is a dog, how can I live?”

“You have terribly ugly handwriting, better go home and practice. If in the future you need to sign into the “my spouse” Column (Marriage certificate), I would be embarrassed.”

“Stupid, didn’t you see that I tried to bribe my future mother-in-law? Such a big bed you are sleeping like this, later on I need to buy a bigger bed so that I would be able to have space to sleep!”

“Listen, you got my permission to love me, but it should be until our hair turns white (until death do us part) or else you don’t have any option to choose!”

In addition to the above, Ou Yang Yan Yan— The twin sister of the female lead has observed Kang Yu: Big sister, Kang Yu seems to have good eyes color alike healthy yellowish clear urine, but when looked at your eyes it alike clear saliva dirt with mud eyes.

Although the way of describing are shocking, but it really right. hence, the gorgeous female lead Ou Yang Miao Miao is abducted….

This novel might typical rom-com genre filled with many funny things.

The Female lead is Ou Yang Miao Miao who is dog lover, class leader, and is very good at academics.

Male lead is Kang Yu who hates dog so much (because particular reason) and the worst thing, his love rival is a dog.

You can read it in

5-Doomed to be a cannon fodder

You can read it at :

She’s somehow ended up transmigrating into the book as the supporting female lead, who was beaten to death! Deeply in love with the male lead, she’s fated to be beaten to a bloody pulp before even holding hands with him?!

First things first, she needs to survive and latch onto the big thigh of a patron. But the supporting male lead is a true gentleman and feels nothing for her stunning, alluring body. That’s alright! She’ll latch onto the old madame or the male lead then!

But why does the supporting male lead look at her with increasingly odd eyes? And what of that Wulin Alliance Head with the personality disorder? You’re just a random bystander, what are you getting involved for??

Finally, the male lead could bear it no longer and dragged her back to the Prince Li Manor…

Seven years ago, after their breakup, he disappeared without a trace.

Now, he reappeared on the eve of her wedding, sparing no means in forcing her to marry him…

6-Avoid the protagonist

As tragedy befalls Xin Siyue, she soon finds herself transmigrated into a novel world as a character. To her disappointment, she became the villainess who obsessively chased after the male protagonist while scheming to tear apart his relationship with his beloved.

To avoid her death route, Xin Siyue carefully avoided the male and female protagonists at every turn. Instead, she went off on her own to enjoy life. But somewhere along the way, she made a mistake– the male protagonist took notice of her!

Xin Siyue’s eyes teared up as she was being kissed in Chen Sinan’s arms. ‘No! This wasn’t in the plot!’

You can read it in :

With a certificate of marriage, he bound her mercilessly to his side.

From there, this “Cinderella” began her journey as a wife to the heir of a business empire…

Mrs Huo – composed, sharp-tongued, and freakishly smart.

Mr Qin – wife-spoiler to no end and a complete “slave” to their daughter.

Quality love story, one on one. You are welcome to get hooked on this story with us.

[aimskyymama-blog]

Motherhood

Well I can definitely start this off by saying that motherhood is more than I ever thought it could be. I mean that in the most positive way. Its funny that at one point my husband and I were very adamant about holding off on kids. We started dating at age 15 and we got married at 24 years old. Naturally, everyone questioned when we would start our own family. The way we saw it we had plenty of time to focus on that later. Instead we moved states, traveled, started our careers and had years to be selfish. That's right, selfish. The kind of selfish you want to be before you have kids. We stayed up, went out when we wanted, lived where we wanted...etc. Clearly all of that kind of changes once you have a baby although if you know me, you know I still believe you can have your own life with a child. Its just slightly altered.

If you're a new momma and your baby is under 6 months then you are probably laughing to yourself about that last statement. But I promise, it gets better! Micah is 5 months now and I can finally see where my identity, my wants, and my needs are coming back into play. I wont lie to you though, it is still difficult to do much especially with a breast fed baby. But I can finally slip away to work, run errands (who knew running errands would make me feel normal again? lol), do my hair (occasionally but that's why I cut it off), my nails, clean the house, go to the gym...etc.

I love everything about being a mother. The bond we have nursing, watching him learn something new everyday, knowing he learned it from us, the way he grabs my face and then leans in to eat it (I love the slobbery kisses), his smell, the way he will stare up at me with so much admiration while nursing, and the way he loves his daddy. Its all a very overwhelming! The initial feeling of happiness with sorrow swooping in behind it once you realize how quickly it all goes by.

Many people have asked me how I handle motherhood, being a wife, working and everything else. It simple. Motherhood is first. There are days Micah is all I can focus on and that's fine. The house is a mess, dishes are piled up, dinner isn't cooked but I know Micah is happy. Trash is full? Laundry needs folding? But you are so tired and baby is napping? EFF it. Go take that nap with the baby. Trust me, it will get done. But mama's sanity is most important. This is also where hubby comes into play and where you "share the load". Then there are days I can sneak in a gym session or some couch movie time with hubby. I can clean up a bit and even light my candles (im a huge candle lover! ). Last night I finally caught up on GOT and painted my nails. Serious accomplishment lol But making sure Micah gets the biggest slice from the Aimee Pie is important. Luckily I don't work full time and with my career I don't have to. I am able to choose my hours every month. After motherhood comes being a wife. This one is difficult. I wont deceive you. They say having a baby will be the biggest strain and test on your marriage. This is a fact. But like anything else, communication is KEY. Im not perfect, neither is hubby. Like every other human, we fall under the stress of parenthood and take it out on each other. But we recognize it and we work on it. In the end we are so much stronger together and like a well oiled machine, parenthood is much easier when you are both putting in the effort. I would've lost my sanity a long time ago if it wasn't for him. I loved him as a husband but I love him even more as a daddy. We share the responsibilities. If one spouse is taking on the load alone it will not work. This is also very important for a successful marriage. We also make sure to HAVE FUN. All work and no play will make any one dull. This is why we travel when we can, have weekend staycations to Universal Studios or Disney and we try our hardest to make time for fun things to do together. Even if its just a simple and short day out with us three. You let go of stress and you remember to focus on the most important thing, family.

Make sure to take the time to focus on yourself. Focus on your happiness, your mental health and your body. Take those small moments to take a nap, wash your hair, paint your nails, workout, and (my favorite) take a trip to target! lmao My sister and I have sister dates in Target. Like everyone else, we can get lost in there for hours. But we have so much fun haha. I am a big believer in self positivity. Do not rely on anyone else to fill up your positivity cup. I also think you can't share happiness with others if you yourself are unhappy. I know that in order to be a good mom I need to be mentally healthy. Its not to say that you cant have bad days, but I shake it off and focus on the bigger picture.

 I hope this helps some of you mamas. Don't feel bad if you don't have it all covered. My house isn't always spotless, the dogs sometimes need a bath sooner than later, and I don't always look my best. But what I can say is that Micah is a very happy boy who has a sane, happy and well rested mama. :)

[onlyonecanbeking]

Hello Dark. I, um... I deal with depression and can't really get away from the source since it's at home. I try to drown it out with music and various other hobbies but it doesn't always work... Do you have any tips that could help me with dealing with depression?...Its starting to affected my grades at school...

Dark gave a slow nod, remaining surprisingly quiet and gentle despite his previous demeanor.

“There are many common symptoms associated with depression. An inability to enjoy activities you once loved, such as reading, playing video games, drawing, etc. Feelings of worthlessness, self-blame and a lack of self esteem. Pessimism, or feeling a sense that life is hopeless, pointless and futile. This may even lead to a feeling of numbness. The worse of all is thoughts about dying, or attempts at suicide.. But there are a few steps that can be taken to ensure mind health and self awareness.

1. Regain contact with your dark Figment. Some depression results from, or is a side effect of failing to listen to your subconscious thoughts or not meeting the emotional requirements of venting stress or anger or grief.

2. Research depression to get a full understanding. Learn what you can about depression. Supplementing your knowledge about your condition will enable you to overcome it. Knowledge is an important way to reassure yourself that depression is real, that it is a concern to be treated with seriousness, and that there are many ways to defeat it. A wider understanding of depression will help to allay some of your fears and worries. It will also give you many tools to try for yourself.

3. Try talk therapy. One of the most helpful solutions for your depression is meeting with a mental health therapist for psychotherapy, or your own Figments should you be willing to converse with them. There are a range of psychotherapy treatment options, and each therapist will have his/her own unique style. Your Figments are far more open to conversation when you have reached a low point and are ready to listen to their advice.. You will have the best chance of being successful in therapy if you feel comfortable.

4. Try alternative therapies or remedies. Investigate the potential of alternative therapies such as art therapy and acupuncture. In conjunction with other healing choices you’ve made, these can sometimes help restore your emotional balance.

5. Sleep Well. Sleep is essential to a healthy, balanced body. Lack of sleep can aggravate negative thinking and easily becomes a vicious cycle whereby your negative thoughts keep you awake and disable your ability to get enough sleep. Waking unrefreshed and feeling tired is a common complaint during depression, and even too much sleep can leave depressed persons feeling tired.

6. Exercise. A recent study showed exercise to be as effective as Zoloft (a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or SSRI) in treating depression. Exercise releases a natural anti-depressant chemical in your brain and gets you into doing something active. Start small with a simple walk to the local store or around the block, or to your garden gate might be the way to begin. Gradually work up to a routine that fits with your needs and enjoyment.

7. Maintain a good support network. Support from people who love and care about you is an important part of the healing process. Tell people you trust that you’re depressed and would appreciate their understanding.. It is far harder for people to help you if you’re secretive and do things that seem inexplicably strange. Knowing will help people to make allowances and support you as best they can.

8. Keep occupied. Being busy is a way to prevent negative thoughts from going around your head repeatedly. For depressed persons, the first step is often the hardest, so making yourself do things can be a huge difference in your day and getting you started

9. Do fun things and treat yourself. Feeling down feeds on itself and it soon becomes a catch-22 when you convince yourself that you don’t deserve to enjoy anything. The antidote is to do things that you used to enjoy or that are fun for people around you — "one fun thing a day to keep the blues at bay.”

10. Change your thinking. As part of progressing, recognizing and defeating negative thinking patterns is a very important aspect to concentrate on. Cognitive behavioral therapy, psychotherapy, or other forms of psychological therapy are helpful when you’re unlearning negative thinking and establishing patterns of thinking that support your self-esteem and increase your self confidence.

11. Look for the good. Sit back and try to find the good in your life. Whatever it is, it is something worth finding. Return to this list regularly and continue to update it. In your initial recovery, it might have one or two things such as “my house” or “my spouse.” Over time, it should grow as you start to experience the more joyful side of life again.

12. Change the way you talk. Alter the language you use to help yourself look at things more positively. By saying “at least…,” this turns a negative into a positive. Other examples include rather than regretting something and feeling a failure, ask yourself, “What have I learned from this?”