#i need her to do the knife meme

[thatgothsamurai]

still kinda obsessed with her

[oculusxcaro]

Difficult Person VS Likeable Person

"Callous? I'm not saying I actually attacked someone but if I did, believe me, they had it coming."

Tagged byStolen from: @halfghcst Tagging: Whoever would like to do it?

[vaguely-concerned]

literally never am I getting over the unexpected and acknowledged throughline in this game that 'part of the reason lucanis is so good at what he does is, surprisingly, that he has a frankly remarkable capacity for empathy'. his instinct for it is so strong that it even kicks in looking at actual demons he's been culturally conditioned to think of as mindless monsters and lets him realize that they are just as innocent in the middle of this horror as every other prisoner, which is what helps him survive in there and reach an understanding (and even a warmth beneath it all!) with spite, when spite was at his most terrified and confused and needed him. it makes him an incredibly kind and devoted friend, and a terrifying enemy. shorn of most of the compassion that goes along with it in his private life, he uses it in his professional one as one more knife to kill with as easily as he does in SO gently and softly helping to untangle lace harding's people pleasing problems with her. so long as the three categories of people -- family, enemies, targets -- stay distinct and separate in his head, this seems to be working out swimmingly for him! (well. that's probably what he'd tell you at least lol it's certainly helped him survive and do his job I'll give him that.) the MOMENT the lines start to blur, he is fucked. this dude was compartmentalized to hell and back long before the ossuary.

(he shares the 'incredible insight into people and human nature -- as long as I don't have to interpersonally engage with and adapt to it on the spot. b/c then you'll see the biggest mess you could ever imagine' trait with merrill. which does make quite a bit of sense in that they're written by the same person and also in my estimation a not entirely dissimilar shade of autistic lol. also yet another tick on the 'lucanis - iron bull parallels' tally haha. 'ben-hassrath, kid. we can use anything.' what if your circumstances and upbringing forced you to turn some of the kindest fundamental instincts inside you into tools for violence and you only got to keep guarded scraps of it for yourself. what if you're so fucking scared it'll break bad inside you some day and turn you into a monster and you'll end up hurting the people you love. saddest freeze slash dissociative trauma response handshake meme duo To Me)

[jkriordanverse]

I need a Max's POV or a Max rewrite of TIg because legit it would be the funniest thing ever like

This shawty with a cowboy hat approached my best friend and her gothic sister. He looks like he has a talent for booty popping. He looks ripped, dude, but ehhhhh, i don't do old people. Libby seems to be enjoying it, though. I can imagine him at a rodeo, riding around on a bull. hang on i don't think rodeos have bulls. wait no do they?

or,

This new boy had like super duper yellow hair. it was like an unripped lime, but like the insides because his hair wasn't really that yellow. He looks sour too, and he had eyes that's probably sharper than my 104th grandmother's butchering knife. Dude looks like he came out of the womb wearing suits, so it's best not to point out the small dust peck on his forearm. the fact that when he raises an eyebrow it lowkey looks like that one the rock meme too.

or,

Okay so like this drunk guy walks up to my bestie girlypop and he's like

"yo if yes is no and once is never, how many coupons do i have" or sth and she's like smart and stuff and they seem to match each other's freaks and stuff so she's like "erm, like 2" AND BAM. MAXTCH MAKER DOES IT AGAIN! But like besides that okay my homie where is ur shirt like bffr. Although considering how rich he is he probably won't notice if someone took it.

[palmettoshenanigans]

also ALSO-

I know the old "AFTG is badly written" jokes but hold the FUCK on for one goddamn second

I have been writing for almost 20 years. I got my college degree in English and the only reason my specialization wasn't creative writing is because I had bad time management skills and missed my chance to do my final creative writing workshop. I'm autistic and Storycrafting and Wordsmithing are my special interests. I understand writing pretty well.

AFTG opened my fucking eyes to a blind spot of the utter craftsmanship of writing sticky characters that infect you with brain worms, and here it is:

The Conflict of Material and Form

AKA the Character Creation version of Nature versus Nurture

"This isn't who I truly am. This is who I've had to become, what I've had to fashion myself into to survive. The original me is buried in there somewhere, if only you knew how to look. If only you knew to look beyond the mask."

Easily exemplified with our fave lil guys-

Neil Abram Josten:

Material: smartass with a smart mouth, attitude problem, cares about people deeply, sharp tongue to cut a bitch with, kinda feral, a lil unhinged, oblivious idiot

Form: quiet and hidden, liar liar pants of fire, run rabbit run, docile and tame, hyper-vigilant and hyper-observant

Andrew Joseph Minyard:

Material: caring, protective, strong sense of justice, gentle even, cares deeply, give me sugar or give me death, yearning

Form: cold, apathetic, ruthless and unforgiving, allow me to introduce you to my knife, regret? don't know her, i want nothing nothing nothing

Why am I using 'material and form' instead of 'nature and nurture'? Because I am a subscriber to "Characters are not meant to be real people; they are mirages of real people meant to encapsulate a function or idea that serves the story". But use whatever terms click with your noggin.

This isn't about 'want vs need'. This isn't about 'lie believed and truth learned'. This is about Presentation and Basic Action - how would this character react here? Which part are they reacting from?

With Material vs. Form, one isn't the 'true' version and the other the 'false' version of the character. They are both true and real in their own right. The Secret Sauce is that the Material and the Form fight 1v1! And regardless of which part wins, there will be consequences and rewards; so which rewards do we want and which consequences are we willing to suffer? And this fight happens beat by beat, scene by scene, plot point by plot point.

At one point in TFC Neil laments his inability to shut his fucking mouth because his Form of 'don't stand out dipshit' and his Material of 'initiate smartass.exe' are disagreeing with how to respond to his circumstances! It's that fucking meme "My healed and unhealed versions of myself deciding who is going to handle this situation" but as Storycraft!

Now, I don't think this is a new idea by any means. But sometimes to make the essence of an idea truly stick, it must be presented in multiple different ways until one triggers a "Eureka! By Jove! Aha!", and this was the way that truly made this concept stick for me. And why did it stick? Because AFTG is a labor of deep love and passion for Characters and all their complexity and inner machinations, and that depth of devotion had to manifest as some good ass writing somehow my homies in christ.

I have a collection of my favorite Storycrafting Wisdoms and one of them is effectively:

"Put Compelling Characters into a Compelling Situation and see what happens."

And Nora does Compelling Characters beautifully

[callahanisms]

inquisition companions react to the inquisitor missing half their arm

because bioware didn’t wanna give it to us, i decided i’d just do it myself. (insert thanos meme) even though i am like years late to the hype.

the game is like 9 years old at this point, but spoilers ahead.

do keep in mind this is my own personal interpretation of each character. it may not be accurate to your own interpretations. (also i know leliana is technically not a companion in inquisition but i included her anyways)

cassandra pentaghast

if cassandra could plunge a knife into the heart of solas, she would. she would not let him get away with betraying you and taking the anchor along with your arm. you had basically fallen into her arms when you emerged from the portal and she had to carry you back to halamshiral. for the days you were unconscious, cassandra was anxious and extra prickly. there were many times where cullen would have to talk her down from her anger. even varric did too.

dorian pavus

the first thing he did was crack a joke. the atmosphere was tense and it just slipped out. “i asked you to come back in one piece, not missing one.” safe to say, the other companions did not approve of his joke. dorian was set to return to tevinter after being notified of his new position as a magister, but he delayed the return to his homeland for you. he sat in your room as you lied unconscious, barely breathing, leg anxious bouncing up and down. when you awoke, you were immediately met with a large and tight hug from him. he knocked the air out of your lungs from that.

blackwall

blackwall admires you. in fact, everyone would go so far as to say he adores you. he thinks of you as strong, capable, almost infallible. you closed rifts, you closed the big green tear in the sky, and you defeated corypheus! what couldn’t you do? all your feats proved to him that you were the strongest leader he could ever know. and yet, you were still mortal. you left the eluvians mortally wounded and exhausted beyond belief, your eyelids so heavy and ready to close so you may drift off into the black void of sleep. blackwall would not let you, not until you were taken away to be cared for. you found him sitting besides you, awake and on guard. your mortality was his reminder that you and him were the same, even if your lives appeared to be completely different. and he understood that the world would need a leader like you and that is dangerous.

iron bull

the bull could feel a stronger kinship with you that day. it appears that the both of you lost something. he betrayed the qun for the inquisition, thus losing a part of himself, his people. you lost a literal part of yourself, something you had to come to terms with after having the anchor for two years. to say iron bull was shaken up would be an understatement. he was getting cassandra to hit him with sticks for days on end while you lied unconscious. he wondered what would’ve happened if he was with you, if maybe...he could’ve stopped solas. but reminiscing never did anyone any good.

cole

as much as he wanted to help you, cole couldn’t. he also understood that you wouldn’t accept his help, no matter how much he insisted. so instead, he did the best thing he could do: help tend to your injuries. what was curious was that he could feel very little of your pain. when he felt your pain two years ago after forming the inquisition, it was concentrated in your hand and forearm. with it gone, you felt at peace. the primary source of pain for you had been washed away. perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, he thought.

sera

sera’s immediate reaction is, like dorian, to crack a joke. everyone is used to her eccentricity. but it felt different this time around. while you laid unconscious, recovering from the long battle, she occupied herself. she had to busy her hands and her legs, keep moving, keep her mind busy. because if she sat too still for even a second, then her mind would think about the worst outcome. she would get images of you, dead, because solas had betrayed you, betrayed her, betrayed the inquisition. hell, he betrayed the world! that knob! thinking he knew what was best! sera’s all the more relieved when it’s revealed you survived. she bursts through the door to see you and hug you tightly, complaining about how much you scared her.

varric tethras

in all honesty, varric should’ve been more prepared to expect...well, the unexpected. he had expectations of you coming out unharmed, untouched. obviously, that was not what happened. and he wondered if he was responsible for this. he had been one of the many people to support you as the inquisitor two years ago, suggesting it. he wondered if he made the wrong decision. but also, part of varric was relieved. he lost someone close to him two years ago. he didn’t know if he could handle losing you too.

vivienne de fer

the court would devour tales of the eluvians and how you managed to survive. that was vivienne’s first thought. people would be talking about you for centuries to come, certainly. and yet, she knew in her soul that was not what you would want. she does her best to minimize what rumors spread when you first emerge from the eluvians and help give you privacy. behind closed doors, vivienne checks on your injuries. part of her is amazed that the anchor was removed so cleanly.

josephine montilyet

josephine has seen many things ranging from serious to just plain absurd. when she was alerted that you had returned with many serious injuries, including the loss of half your arm, she sent messages to get the best possible doctors in all of orlais to help attend to you. the woman was definitely stressed beyond belief. but when she wasn’t trying to get everyone from backing off from you or getting people to look at you, josephine was attending to you herself. you awoke to find her wiping some sweat off your face and when she noticed, she muttered about how great andraste was and embraced you tightly.

cullen rutherford

your knight-commander appeared to take the news very well, much to the disapproval of cassandra. but the moment cullen was alone, in private, he flipped a table, causing everything to crash. all he could feel running throughout his body was regret, guilt, and anger. regret and guilt for not having gone with you. he should’ve. because if he did, maybe you would have came back alright. anger directed towards solas because the apostate had betrayed you, the inquisition. and everything you and him had worked towards was going to crumble. all of his hard work, leliana’s, cassandra’s, josephine’s, it’d all be for naught. cullen ends up spending a lot of time alone while you’re unconscious. he prays to andraste and the maker to distract himself from any wandering thoughts going towards lyrium. certainly the new mabari hound he decided to adopt on a whim helps with distractions at least.

leliana

the woman has seen many things in her lifetime, having experienced the fifth blight itself and been part of that fight against the archdemon. still, things aren’t easy when you come back from the eluvians missing half of your arm. even if it goes against all her duties, leliana stays with you until you wake up to make sure you’re alright. you’re the inquisitor after all and it’s vital that you’re still alive.

solas

he’s the one who took it. you think he cares?

in all seriousness, it gave him no pleasure to remove your arm for the anchor. even if his plan was...well, shoddy we should say, the anchor was going to kill you. he had no choice. carrying your hand and forearm around felt heavy. he could carry it just fine but what made it heavy was the burden that came with his plan to tear down the veil and bring doom upon the world in a desperate attempt to bring it back to what it once was. and also, the burden of having harmed you.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LBGTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 3, Wave 1, Poll 11

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included. 

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Yoite-Nobari no Ou

Qualifications:

Heavily heavily coded relationship with another boy, canonically intersex and can be read as trans. (implied to be cafab) Suffers from flashbacks, emotional dysregulation, depersonalization due to abuse and neglect. Also terminally ill and progressively loses his sight/taste/hearing and has more trouble getting around and staying awake. Super autism coded, for that matter. To me. And many of the fans actually.

Propaganda:

A very sad boy, in a story about very sad boys fighting for self determination and learning the importance of community. He's a shinobi and can kill people by manipulating their lifeforce from the inside, but he also likes sweets and baseball and mathematics and he communicates like a shy, neglected cat. He's also named after someone's cat. Extremely good character written by an aroace and x-gender author

Anything Else?:

He is the bestest boy ever and should win this tournament by a landslide if the series were more well known

Melanie King-The Magnus Archives

Qualifications:

Bisexual and blind

Gay and blind and amazing

Melanie ends up being blinded by herself in the fourth season of the Magnus Archives, and ends up in a romantic relationship with another woman in the same season

She is blind and has a girlfriend. Canon disabled and canon wlw win 👍

she has a girlfriend and is blind

She is blind and sapphic (I'm not sure if anything exactly is ever confirmed in canon, but most people refer to her as a lesbian)

Propaganda:

she’s iconic

I love her

Oh I love my horrible woman who did many things wrong but in a way I sympathize with and also enjoy because she deserves to be a hater. Anyways so Melanie's very first appearance involved her arguing with Jon and and dismissing the way the Magnus Institute takes statements, which is a very good introduction for her in my opinion because she will continue to be a hater in regards to John. Melanie got stabbed by a ghost prior to her next appearance and briefly became a meme because turns out, when you get stabbed by a ghost, you'll want to tell people about the ghost, and she did this as she was being dragged away from where this happened. Her professional credit went downhill after this. She ends up being the catalyst of a big plot point in season 2 after this statement, because she's the only one who recognizes that Not-Sasha is, in fact, not Sasha. Then it turns out she cannot catch a break because she gets shot by a ghost later, and the ghost bullet turns out to not be a good thing later on. Melanie starts working for the Magnus Institute after Elias, her to-be horrible boss, proposes the role, since her credit has gone down so much that the job opportunity is very much needed. Then she realizes that she does not like her horrible murder boss and that she is bound to the institute, she keeps trying to kill him, which honestly I think she deserved to do because he sucks and she deserves a kill count. Though he shoves the knowledge that her father, who she thought died peacefully, actually died an agonizing, drawn out death in her brain so she stops doing that afterwards. She does help to get him arrested though, even if she really wanted to murder him. After this it is noted that she, at one point, fended off horrible flesh monsters with a knife single-handedly. John ends up realizing that the ghost bullet from earlier is still in her leg, and is more over making her far more murder hungry than she would be without it. So naturally the next step is DIY, non-consentual surgery, which she, after waking up shortly after the incident with her leg frozen and her friends committing medical malpractice, naturally objects to, which leads to her scarring John and overall not trusting him or Basira nearly as much as she might have before. Then she decides to actually prioritize her mental health a bit after going through every horror imaginable by going to therapy and insisting that, due to how the way tapes work in the archives, that none of her sessions be recorded, all while being just a bit paranoid about her therapist. Then it turned out that the only way to sever herself from the eye was to simply not have sight, and she's the one character who chooses this, getting rid of her eyesight very painfully and then moving in with Georgie, who ends up being her girlfriend. She's a little less hostile towards John after this, though she does not want to be in any archives business considering everything she went through there. Then, during the Eyepocalypse, she and her girlfriend, due to her not having sight and Georgie not having fear, are unaffected, and they sort of accidentally start a cult while trying to keep other people protected. Though it does not help that Melanie lied about having a vision that the whole thing would end, since the truth is really hopeless and bleak. She meets up with John and Martin again, is involved with the discussion of how the world can be maybe saved and is ultimately one of the three main characters to make it to the end of the finale, the others being Georgie and Basira. This is just me highlighting all of the wild things she's been up to and this would have gotten even longer if I had more propaganda.

She's so cool she tries to poison her evil boss she kicks ass she was a ghost hunter and she's also managed to escape her shitty situation by blinding herself to be able to quit her evil eldritch horror archiving job and just chill w/ her gf georgie and their cat (until the evil boss she tried to poison fucks everything up for everyone but in the end she and georgie still live and are presumably as fine as they cam be after all the shit that happened)

Only Melanie can accidentally become the Blind Prophet of the Apocalypse with her literally fearless girlfriend after trying to distance herself from the Beholding. She also had a ghost bullet infected with with The Slaughter in her leg which she got because she was a ghost hunting YouTuber/paranormal investigator.

Sometimes you gotta take your eyes out to escape your shitty job. And then you and your girlfriend live as prophets (and basically accidental cult-leaders) in the apocalypse

[everlastingdream]

When Xavier got her a phone, Wednesday was adamant about never using the thing. But Enid did make her to concede to some extent by constantly looking as abandoned puppy through the whole summer. Which she spent in Addams manor because according to Morticia: "It seems that our family is more equipped to help you ease into your transformations, darling". Mrs Addams said it looking directly at seething Esther Sinclair, laying a comforting but firm hand at Enid's shoulder.

So yes, by the end of the summer Wednesday was accustomed to her phone and had several apps and contacts, which she tried to resist at first, but then agreed to. She gave the whole lecture that perhaps it was benefishial to have the means to reach everyone, but Pugsley pulled out the real whip to crack right in the middle of her speech. Enid blushed and didn't say a thing when equally flustered Wednesday (read: with just a bit flushed tips of ears) pulled him into torture room.

Well, yeah... Enid chose not to think about too hard. And every not easily defined moment they shared this summer...

So! When they started their second year Enid started a group chat, added Wednesday and instantly needed to teach her roommate how to mute it.

Wednesday muted everything she deemed unimportant which was everything and everyone. And it did sting just a bit, but Enid still considered Wednesday having everyone's numbers as her personal victory.

"Wens, I'll just grab second serving real quick. Try not to disappear like last time, okay?" It was a sore spot for Enid. After everything last year, she still started panic if Wednesday was gone without a word.

"I promised, I won't", even if her voice was annoyed, but Enid still noticed how guilt filled dark eyes.

"I believe you", Enid smiled softly, squeezing her shoulder to skip to the line. But she focused her hearing on the table she left behind.

"So when will you buy a ring, Addams? I need to empty a spot in my busy schedule to help if I want you picking something decent for my bestie", Yoko started as soon as she seemed to think that Enid was out of earshot. She was at it the moment Enid told her that Addams family was taking her for the summer.

"Never", Wednesday stated, not looking from her book. "Addams' gift a bracelet or a pendant. Rings can be in the way".

Yoko choked on her blood bag, and Enid felt a bit like doing the same.

"Nice one, Addams. Almost as nice as my meme you ignored yesterday", Bianka grimaced when Yoko's coughing almost covered her in blood droplets.

"I told you I muted all of you. I will check it at weekend when it won't interfere with my work".

"You are so- Oh my God, Yoko, you don't even need to breath, could you please stop getting blood everywhere?!" Wednesday nodded, even if she wasn't against blood, but coughing was starting to get on her nerves.

"It's not like wheeze It's not like I can just leave blood in my lungs. It would rot!" Yoko managed, looking ruefully at her almost empty blood bag. "For someone so principled you take it with you everyday. Text Enid to pick up me another bag".

Wednesday pulled her phone from thin air, earning rolled eyes from around the table. Enid felt a surge of pride. At the same time last year Wednesday would've refused, said that she was not Yoko's servant and in worse scenario take out a knife. But now she just casually texted Enid, leaving her phone on the table as she waited for confirmation. Her case was adorned with small sticker of scorpion Enid gifted her.

Enid checked the message to reply, sending a single smiling emoticon. Wednesday probably won't even look at it.

And then there was a clear minimalistic rington from across a cafeteria.

When Wednesday lifted the phone to read the message with small smile, Enid's heart skipped the beat.

"Damn, Addams, it's almost a love confession".

When Wednesday lifted her head from screen to meet Enid's eyes with almost soft look, Enid suddenly thought:

Perhaps it is

[sootmemes]

SENTENCE STARTERS: LYRICS THAT HIT ME IN THE FEELS [PT. 2] change words as needed ! ctrl + shift + v to paste into the inbox on desktop.

❝ vengeance is the only drug, and I can't get enough. ❞

❝ I don't know euphoria; would like to meet her someday. ❞

❝ now I'm just covered in the dirty blood of man. ❞

❝ I'd talk myself down if I knew what to say. ❞

❝ nobody tells you 'til you go up in flames that you can't live like a devil and die like a saint. ❞

❝ well, the trick of the trouble is avoiding the blame. ❞

❝ I'm alive, I'm revived, I survived, you surprised ? ❞

❝ if this was meant for me, why does it hurt so much ? ❞

❝ let me tell you from a dead mans point of view: live your life, because when its done you don't get another one. when they sing for you don't let them sing the blues. ❞

❝ what they don't understand, they condemn. what they can't comprehend must meet its end. ❞

❝ sometimes I feel like I'm a mockingbird, mimicking the songs that I've already heard. ❞

❝ nurse, sinner, virgin, bitch... I am the vengeful child of the witch. ❞

❝ you played my game. hell, now you're a piece in it. ❞

❝ but then if you're so smart tell me, why are you still so afraid ? ❞

❝ slow down, you're doing fine. you can't be everything you want to be before your time. ❞

❝ though you can see when you're wrong, you know you can't always see when you're right. ❞

❝ you got your passion, you got your pride, but don't you know that only fools are satisfied ?❞

❝ crazy is, I believe, the medical term for when we want to recover but don't want to learn. ❞

❝ if we want to wake up, why are we still singing these lullabies ? ❞

❝ its so convenient to lose the truth when its laughing in your face ❞

❝ I'm still living in a knife fight, living like a bad guy ❞

❝ no point in stressing, we're not impressing them anymore ❞

❝ cardboard is boring, look how it burns ❞

❝ I keep lighting little fires to feel something, to get burned ❞

❝ life cuts deep; let me help pick up the pieces ❞

❝ you know I hate to say it, but, "I told you so" ❞

❝ if you were easy to kill, I would have done it already. ❞

❝ if I was easy to kill, you would have done it already. ❞

❝ I used to dread the thought of falling quickly. ❞

❝ there's this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow, and I play it on repeat. ❞

❝ nights were mainly made for sayin' things that you can't say tomorrow day. ❞

❝ I'm a scholar and gentleman, and I usually don't fall when I try to stand. ❞

❝ all the daises that you picked are dead; you're better off just picking fights instead. ❞

❝ turn the page, look back at what you wrote; do you still feel the same ? I bet your mind has changed. ❞

❝ we're all gonna die we just don't know when; lets make the most of the time that we got left. ❞

❝ worlds on fire, lets toast the end. ❞

❝ I wanna scream into the night: I'm alive, I'm alive ! ❞

❝ it shouldn't be surprising how we're living like we're dying. ❞

part two to this meme. also here is a playlist based on these prompts ♡

[cosmonova]

Project Moon Memes Masterpost

So I started making Limbus Company meme edits with my friend Koi and they now number over 500 and there's 40+ posts. Whoops. Masterpost be upon ye.

Koi doesn't have public social media so I'm posting all of them for both of us, but we're responsible for these in roughly equal part. so let us all appreciate the role their hyperfixation-fueled meme rampage has played in the existence of this series :D

1. sayonara you weeaboo shits 2. go femboy go 3. but i stay silly :3 4. world's bestest most specialest war criminal 5. QUESTION FOR ALL GIRLS 6. touch eels 7. latina fiesta dot co 8. It's with great pain that I must announce you were devoured by clowns 9. Bomb in my ass hole 10. [JOKE PENDING] 11. you wanna fuck the keyboard 12. its chewy 13. look buddy, it's transient 14. damn this pepsi strong as fuck 15. get distorted! 16. wtf I'm facing the same direction 17. I have eaten my wife. 18. Why Angela soft if not to pet 19. there's bigger fish to fight 20. it takes a man to be a wife 21. my grandpa died in the yaoi wars 22. THE SUN THE SUN THE SUN 23. sword slash to the chest. and you're on fire 24. my city now 25. she cites her sources 26. WORLDS SLUTTIEST ABSENT FATHER 27. god forbid women do anything 28. Knife Monopoly 29. i just need to write a list 30. what if i accidentally have a gun 31. ethically debatable sex with my morally ambiguous wife 32. KATSUP BLAST 33. oh well unzips 34. Hola faggot! 35. jerking that thang asunder 36. She is now my girlfriend (long story). 37. enjoy your silt, fag 38. weird bug hotline 39. I'm a pervert little leftist 40. menwtol smeeness 41. doing Nosferatu shit to her penis 42. nothing but air

[sailormoonandme]

Mamoru is NOT useless in the Anime

Yes, yes, the memes are funny and all, but this is simply objectively not true and I'm rather exhausted of folks critiquing the character/the anime as though it were.

I will hopefully kill his BS once and for all.

"He just throws a rose and leaves!"

For those who have actually watched the anime (or even just the very first episode) to describe Tuxedo Mask as 'useless' is reductionist to the point of being outright disingenuous. In particular when this argument is made in such a way as to negatively compare him to his manga counterpart, who is put over as allegedly superior on this point.

The original 1992 Sailor Moon anime had 200 episodes, 3 TV specials*, 2 theatrical shorts and 3 films, with these latter theatrical releases being dubiously canonical to the anime. Mamoru appears in the overwhelming majority of those 208 entires, even accounting for the final 34 episodes where he was dead/functionally absent almost all of the time. Even if we seriously low balled things, the majority of those appearances feature him partaking in the following scenario.

Sailor Moon, often with her fellow Senshi, are fighting the monster of the day (maybe it's a higher ranking villain, or a general threat they are dealing with).

They get into a tight spot where either they or whoever/whatever they are trying to protect is in danger from whatever threat they are combatting.

Then, out of the blue, a rose slices through the air and imbeds itself into the scenery like a dart. Typically, this action saves the lives of Sailor Moon, her friends or whomever they might be protecting.

Tuxedo mask gives a speech and either leaves or else sticks around to see Sailor Moon perform her finishing move that effectively ends whatever threat she was dealing with, often with Tuxedo Mask being the one to prompt her into performing this finshing move.

For the sake of argument lets pretend that the above is literally the sum totality of what Mamoru does in regards to the superheroics of Sailor Moon. How could anyone describe the above as 'useless'?

If his interventions regularly save Sailor Moon's life then that is a zillion miles away from useless. For him to be useless, his actions need to be superfluous, pointless, contribute nothing. Even if he contributed a little bit he would by definition not be useless. And saving the protagonist's life is much more than 'a little bit'. If the protagonist dies then the story is over. Evil has won, the world is doomed.

And this isn't even considering all the ways Mamoru contributes OUTSIDE of the above scenario.

He has, whilst untransformed, stabbed a Lemures with a knife to save Sailor Moon.

He has willingly acted as a magical life support system for Chibi-Usa when her Pure Heart was stolen, an act that maybe anyone else could have performed but it is still a noble thing to do, in particular when it freed up the more powerful characters to go get her heart back.

He personally met up with the Outer Senshi to learn about them on behalf of the other girls, going alone which might have been dangerous, but the episode also gives the impression that he, as the oldest member of the team, was better positioned to get info from the older Outer Senshi who has a demeaning view of the younger Inner Senshi. In this same episode, he tried to convince the Outers to join forces with the Inners, acting as a diplomat.

He went 1-on-1 with Rubeus to defend an injured Sailor Moon who was herself acting as a human shield for Chibi-Usa

He has personally gone on a one man mission to infiltrate the Black Moon Clan's HQ to rescue Sailor Moon from being sexually assaulted by Prince Demande.

Mere episodes later he and Artemis went on a scouting mission to learn more about the Malefic Black Crystal

He formed a double team with Sailor Moon to tackle a tennis themed Youma, an encounter that involved more than a singular rose throw and a speech. One of the multiple times he got more directly involved in fighting the monster of the day

He literally carried Sailor Moon on his back to save her when they were both trapped in an elevator courtesy of Nephrite

He was prepared to willingly reveal his identity and hand both himself and his Rainbow Crystals over to Zoisite in order to save Sailor Moon and her friends

The love he shared with Usagi directly led to the manifestation of the Silver Crystal, to the salvation of Chibi-Usa when she'd been brainwashed into Black Lady & the creation of a new weapon and transformation brooch for Usagi in season 3

As Prince Endymion, he went against his own subjects and risked his life to infiltrate the Moon Palace and warn his beloved Serenity that his home planet was going to invade her home

He took not one, not two, but three impalements to protect Sailor Moon's life

More often than not he has acted as reliable emotional support for Usagi and Chibi-Usa, encouraging them, helping them with homework or just being there for them. i.e. he is an imperfect, but ultimately good husband and father. Which is particularly impressive considering he hadn't yet married his wife nor conceived his child.

There are those who might scoff at the latter. Is emotional support really useful? Well, putting aside how the Sailor Moon universe clearly demonstrates how magical power/energy is directly linked to emotions, this is categorically true in the real world as well. There are no end of testimonies from fire fighters, doctors, people who have serious illnesses, or soldiers that the emotional support of thier loved ones have kept them going and kept them alive. So, this is rather useful for our heroine Usagi who's job is that of a Sailor Soldier.

The Outer Senshi

Furthermore, there is an inherent hypocrisy in the 'Mamoru is useless' narrative because such criticisms are never levelled against other characters whose typical role in the narrative are similar to Mamoru's.

The most popular season of the original anime was season 3 (Sailor Moon S) and one of the biggest reasons for that show's popularity were the fan favourite Outer Senshi: Sailors Uranus, Neptune, Pluto and Saturn. Let's exclude Saturn as she wasn't active as a Senshi for most of season 3. Uranus and Neptune's role in the first half of season 3 typically amounted to

Attacking the monster of the day, usually to the same end that Mamoru's rose throws did, i.e. a distraction or last minute save

Swiping the Pure Heart of that episode's victim

Checking it over before concluding it wasn't a Talisman

Leaving, or else at least standing by as Sailor Moon administered her finishing move on the monster of the day

Golly...that seems just as 'useless' as Mamoru now doesn't it? In fact, maybe more so considering they weren't even trying to help Sailor Moon in the first place. In fact, during their second appearance, they unintentionally saved the lives of a powerless Usagi, her friends and an innocent civilian to check a Pure Heart, then uncaringly left them all in danger.

You know who then saved them immediately after that? Mamoru!

Later when he too was overwhelmed by the monster he directly contributed to saving the day as his emotional bond with Usagi generated the Spiral Moon Heart Rod, upgrading Sailor Moon and giving her the power to save everyone.

During the third sub-arc of season 3 (where the recurring villain was Mimet of the Witches 5) Sailor Pluto joined the Outer Senshi's ranks and their role in the typical monster of the day plots became yet more minimal. More than once, the trio literally appeared but did nothing, something that had also happened at least once before Pluto joined the team. Examples include (but are not necessarily limited to) episodes 97 (The Labyrinth of Water – Ami Targeted), 116 (Sunny Skies After a Storm – A Friendship Dedicated to Hotaru) and 118 (Battle Inside the Demonic Space – The Sailor Guardians’ Gamble). In some of these instances the Outers deliberately choose to do nothing.

Barring 2 of the specials mentioned above (one of which was a clip show), the Outer Senshi were wholly absent in season 4/Sailor Moon SuperS. In one of those specials, upon learning that a new threat had arisen Uranus and Neptune...choose to continue their road trip and leave the fighting to Usagi and the others...How...useful???????

They, along with Pluto and Saturn get much more involved during the course of the final season/Sailor Stars. Even then, Saturn only appears in the first few episodes and the last few. Pluto only gets involved in the monster of the day schemes once or twice and Uranus and Neptune three or four times, if that. Whilst Mamoru is barely involved at all in this season, he at least has the excuse of being dead for most of it.

So, the fan favourite Outer Senshi got far LESS involved and were LESS useful than Mamoru typically was in the course of the whole show. In fact, even if we exclude the first two seasons where (exempting Pluto) the Outer Senshi hadn't appeared yet, Mamoru overwhelmingly contributed MORE than the Outer Senshi did.**

The Other Senshi

Much the same can be applied to the Sailor Starlights. The Starlights more often than not actually got MORE involved in fighting the monsters of the day during season 5 than the Outer Senshi did in season 3; or at least they were interested in defusing a direct and active threat to innocent lives. But even they literally showed up and did nothing on at least one occasion.

Whilst the Starlights are nowhere close to the Outer Senshi's popularity, they are also never subjected to the 'they are useless' narrative Mamoru frequently is.

Nor in fact are the Inner Senshi of Sailors venus, Mars, Jupiter and Mercury. Now, whilst it's easy to argue due to their superior screentime, the fact that they often initiate combat with the monster of the day and are generally heavily involved in whatever crisis is happening, that they are obviously more useful than Mamoru is.

And you know what, even including the rare occasions they too show up and do nothing else (or do a last minute save like Mamoru is prone to do) this is perfectly true. It is also perfectly true however that the quartet have rarely ever defeated any monster of the day on their own. The overwhelming majority of the time the Inner Senshi act as a distraction to the Monster of the day or else sufficiently lower its HP so that Sailor Moon can actually beat the monster. That might be more useful than Mamoru's typical contributions, but, call me crazy, it seems like Sailor Moon is doing the lion's share of the work there. So, how 'useful' are the Inner Senshi really if we run by the 'Mamoru is useless' narrative?

If Mamoru is useless so are many if not all of the more popular heroic characters in the series.

But...how useless is Mamoru in the anime compared to the Manga?????????

*Well, one special with three segments, but go with me on this.

**They were mostly absent from season 4 whilst he appeared routinely in that season. Meanwhile, in the season he was mostly absent, they rarely helped out.

Obviously, there are real life writing reasons behind that difference, but my point is why is the fandom not treating the Outer Senshi as 'useless' too?

[blackjackkent]

Ask prompt fill for @astreamofstars for this ask meme: Questioning Sentences, Vol. 33 Jaheira/Khalid - "Are you getting my wife into trouble?" Like I said - I had a more comedic idea for this which I'll probably also write, but here's some Harper-era dramafluff first. :D

-----

The blade presses low and tight against the curve of Jaheira’s neck. The assassin smiles coldly. “Not so tough now, are ya, Harper?” he hisses.

Jaheira remains perfectly still, her eyes flicking around rapidly as she examines her position. 

The assassin is a sallow half-elf whose ice-blue eyes are almost obscured by the overhang of his hood. His dark cloak melds him with the shadowy night around them; Jaheira can see the subtle outline of a winged serpent embroidered in his tunic. Zhentarim, then.

She should really have been expecting this, in light of the smuggling operation they just broke up near Waterdeep. It was the largest nest of Zhent they've rooted out in some time and (she sincerely hopes) crippled the group’s slaving operations for the immediate future - but a noise that big doesn't go unnoticed by the sort of people who have sharp knives and are ready to use them. 

And this Zhent knows his business, that’s certain. His weight is carefully distributed across his feet while keeping her pinned to the tree behind her, and the knife is positioned to give her little room to maneuver. He deliberately waited until she had no energy left for a wildshape, and even if she did, she’s not confident her enemy wouldn't be anticipating it. Her pulse quickens with sudden adrenaline as the reality of the danger sets in.

“You have the advantage of me, it seems,” she says, deliberately keeping her voice even and conversational so as not to betray any fear.

The man's smirk deepens unpleasantly. “That's the idea. We know all about ya, y'know… Jaheira. Know ya put together that raid on our people last week. So I've got some payment I need t’ extract.”

If she can just get leverage with one leg, she twist out of his grip… but no. He senses the shift of her weight and moves almost automatically to counterbalance it, his knee shoving against her hip. 

She sighs and swivels her head carefully, trying to look past his shoulder. 

He snorts. “What're ya lookin’ for, girlie?” he asks mockingly. “Gonna call down a flock of birds? Like I said - we know all about you. Why d'you think I chose this moment t’ drop in? I know you do your scouting alone.”

One of Jaheira's eyebrows quirks up and she finally can't help it. She grins. 

“Your information is out of date,” she says.

The Zhent's eyes bug wide and he cries out in startled pain as a heavy boot kicks the back of his knee, staggering him off-balance, followed by a gauntleted sucker punch at the small of his back that stuns him briefly to immobility. Khalid, surging out of the darkness, gets one arm around the man's neck and yanks him backwards; with his other hand, he strikes the Zhent's wrist, knocking the dagger out of his hand. 

“Oh, my,” he says as he hauls the Zhent backwards, giving Jaheira room to slip free of the wall. His voice is almost casual - but Jaheira knows him far too well to be fooled. She can hear the ice in it, and the way his usual nervous stammer has hardened out in the moment of crisis. “Are you getting my wife into trouble?” 

Jaheira snorts. “Getting himself into trouble, more like,” she says, dusting herself off. “Once again we are underestimated.” She clicks her tongue with mock-disappointment. “The last time he will make that mistake.”

“Let me go!” the Zhent growls, his voice strangled by the pressure of Khalid's arm on his throat; the stunned moment is fading and he starts to struggle fiercely in Khalid's grip. 

“As you wish,” Khalid says mildly. With a sharp jerk, he releases the other man and at the same time twists sideways so they're facing each other. Before the Zhent has time to react, Khalid lands a punch directly between his eyes; his head snaps back and he goes over like a felled tree, hits the dirt, and is still. 

Silence, and then the chirp and buzz of insects reasserts itself around them. Jaheira relaxes with a low chuckle. “Well struck.”

“Are you hurt, m-my love?” Khalid asks, turning to face her. His eyes trace searchingly over her from head to foot, looking for signs of injury. 

She smiles affectionately, hearing his stammer return as the moment eases. “I am fine. He had no chance to truly strike me. Besides…” She scoffs dramatically.” I could have handled him.”

“I've n-n-no doubt of it, Khalid says earnestly. “All the same, I'm g-glad I was here.”

“As am I.” In spite of her airy manner, the pulse of adrenaline still sits heavy in her throat, and she takes a few steps closer to him automatically, slipping her hand into his. The warmth of his palm is grounding, comforting. “Much easier with two.”

He lifts her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. Then he crouches down to begin rifling through the unconscious man's pockets. She raises an eyebrow, seeing that he is grinning giddily to himself as he does so. 

“And just what is that look for?” she asks, amused. 

His head ducks and he gives a sheepish little chuckle that is just this side shy of a giggle. “M-my wife,” he says. “That was the f-f-first time I c-could call you m-m-my wife on a mission.” He looks up at her, his eyes bright and dancing in the dimness. “It f-f-felt wonderful.”

The adoring expression on his face sends a full-body shiver through her. “It did, didn't it?” she murmurs. 

It's still so new, with the wedding only a week behind them. In many ways nothing has changed, but that strange and everpresent delight still lingers in the back of her mind. And it spikes up in little bursts at the oddest times - a word, a glance, a touch, anything that reminds her that the bond is made and she has him for the rest of their lives. 

She ruffles his hair where it peeks from beneath his helmet at the base of his neck, and is gratified to feel his subtle, eager squirm at the touch. “Well then, my husband,” she says with a soft laugh. “Let us get back to camp. Though what a pity we must have an unexpected guest interrupting our privacy for the evening.” She nudges the unconscious Zhent with her boot toe and rolls her eyes. 

“Of all his c-c-crimes, that is surely the m-most grievous,” Khalid says, and laughs. 

[when42-0fallasleep]

Five random headcanons each

Self-proclaimed leader

An ass

Clever. Clever af.

Smt level-headed (at the wrong place), mostly seems like someone lit him on fire actl (*insert that elmo on fire meme)

Can cook, but his eating habit is straight up from hell (his food combination is weird af)

"Listen bitch, i have millions ways to sunday to gut you, and i will let you have three seconds to have the delusion that you can escape this."

An ass, but she holds herself back most time (read: w Blossom on the scene)

The powerpuff that has swearing in every breath

Smart (mostly battle smart, but she is actl good at math)

Best cook in the gang but too lazy to actl do it

Has a lingerie collection

The blonde bitch w an onlyfan acc that might have dated (and fucked) every man available (?) in town (she def did, w no regret)

She is the living combination of Panty Anarchy, Regina George and Gretchen Wieners of the place

"Honey i born bad, and i love it"

Do not, let her touch even the fucking kettle.

Appointed leader (the other two lowkey let her do so)

Book smart

Old lady's mind in a little girl's form

She can bake but cant cook (by some miracle, and no cook book she read could help her)

Extreme OCD

Punch first, think later

Dirty, in many ways

Foulest mouth of them all

Eat like he has a black hole in his stormach

Manwhore

Good and kind (but not naive)

Can speak like 10 languages (and some tiny bits of more)

Its not easy to get her mad, but dont

Biggest sweet tooth, can eat spicy stuff tho but didnt rlly like it

Likes handmade stuff

Leader in the sense of winning the first group brawl

Walking chimney

Surprisingly very classy

Refined (read: extremely picky) eater

A literal party animal

It seems like hes always high (no he has never touch weed in his life)

Can be trained to be a good one actl

Self-proclaimed world best indie guitarist (he is good)

Would eat everything that can be put inside his mouth

Dumb prank is a daily need

Doesnt give one shit abt everything

Either emo, goth or punk, depending on her mood

Has a huge body count (in both meanings)

Has a knife collection

If your name is on her list, she would kill you, then your parents, then your child.

[wizardsnorlax]

Ok so update on the Spiral Jon fic I'm writing: I'm getting it onto Ao3 bit by bit because it's super difficult to write on mobile, but I need to take a break and get ideas for the season three events out before they get lost, here's a link to the season 2 notes

Ok here we go

Melanie does not join the Archives, this is for the best

At one point in season 2 Jon gave Sasha Georgie's contact info for "in case of emergency" use so Sasha is gonna be (mostly) ok she just needs to pop an allergy pill every once in a while

Sasha might be good with the hardware of a computer but the software might as well be a completely different language so she's very little help with Georgie's show

Jon takes to reading Statements like I took to weed gummies

Sasha follows about the same trail of clues as Jon did in Canon but Daisy's grip on Sasha is a bit harder to hold so Sasha gets claw slashes on her arms instead of a knife at the throat

Things that have changed about Jon while Sasha was gone: his hair now has ringlet curls, the extra flexibility in his joints has progressed but not to the point anyone has noticed let alone would consider a problem and his eyes are twitchy from the stress of filling her position to the point he looks like he's constantly ODed on caffeine

Sasha gets back in the office and when everyone learns they can't quit or be fired Jon makes it his personal mission to be as much of a menace to Elias as possible

but he'd never do that to Sasha, she gets doodles of her hanging out with Cecil from Nightvale because she's a good boss:)

Martin scolds Tim for how he's been treating Jon and Sasha because of the changes caused by first and secondhand paranormal bullshit exposure

Jon gets to go out for drinks with people who actually like him

Everyone learns why Jon has a shirt that says "the difference between me and Superman is Superman has Super Vision, I need constant supervision

A discussion about who takes Jon home with them is had because at some point the poor goober lost his shoes and started trying to wrap around Martin like a belt

Sasha gets kidnapped on her way home

Michael helps her because some part remembers being an archival assistant and she's treated hers so much better than Gertrude did

Helen doesn't take Michael's place but the door still rejects him and the corridor collapses as both Sasha and Michael crash into Jon's new flat

Michael is freed but is in such bad shape he needs to be in the hospital for several weeks on recovery

Things attempt to be normal

Tim and Jon are menaces to Elias in very different ways

Jon doesn't want anyone traveling alone

Elias doesn't care but can't STAND the idea of Jon being there without a buffer so Sasha gets to have company on her trip, Tim goes to India and gets the ghost bullet, cue Mystery Mousketool meme

Martin, Basira and Daisy are handling the workload as best they can but since none of them are particularly suited to the task things go badly because Martin is terrible at direct leadership

When Sasha and Jon get kidnapped by Trevor and Julia, Sasha decides that the best way to clear some of the air is through lore dumping her backstory (still to be determined)

Jon is deemed suspicious by the false cop cause he does NOT look sober

Insert attempted police brutality interrupted by a shotgun

While the false cop is regenerating Jon gets the "how did you two meet" Statement from Julia

They get to the cabin and Jon freaks out a little at the idea of reading ANOTHER cursed book

Big relief when nobody gets eaten this time

Nobody ever believes him but Jon has kept every promise he's made (not that he's made many before but it's the principle of it)

Yoinks the page

Our duo finishes the assignment

Back home

Sasha learns about the storage unit

JON STOP REACHING FOR THE EXPLOSIVES YOU ABSOLUTE GREMLIN

Tim is EXTRA motivated to wreck shop at the Unknowing

Jon and Martin stay behind to be distractions

Big boom happens, Tim makes it out because the guy's literally too angry to die, Sasha is in the coma, Daisy is in the Coffin and Basira is just having a time of it

Jon gets mind fondled by Elias and it makes Martin want to rip the bastard's throat out but the best he can do is have the cops rough him up as much as possible

Jon is temporary head of the Archives and the pressure swallows him whole and he crashes like a meteorite because he desperately doesn't want to be the one giving orders

Martin's "assistance" has been leaving cobwebs in places nobody checks

And thus we enter season 4

[seducemefanficsandheadcanons]

So, a little fun fact about me is I have Tourette Syndrome, which is a neurological condition that causes involuntary movements and sounds called tics. I've had tics since I was around 9 or 10, and I was diagnosed with TS at 13. So, it's a really long time. This means I've had too much time to think about this and it's one of the first things I wondered when I discovered the game since it was around the time I was diagnosed, I believe (I could be getting my times mixed up lmao)

Aron doesn't have TS in any of my written AUs because that sounds like a bitch to write, HOWEVER I do wonder often about how each LI would react to meeting an MC with tics. So, here are some headcanons about if I did give Aron or another MC TS. (Some of this was discussed with @conglomerationoffandomtrash )

Also the format of this post is inspired by @new-tella-us

James has probably heard of it, but if he hasn't, he surely will do his research. Naturally, he's confused at first, but once he knows, he's extremely understanding. He would be very good at just ignoring the tics during a conversation, acting as if they weren't there. He'd ask if there's any accommodations he needed to make and would act accordingly.

At first, I wondered if Erik may try to make some sort of flirty comment about it. But now that I've really dug into his mindset, I can't see that happening. Like James, he would make any accommodations needed.

Sam is the most confused when he meets her. He's like, "wtf!?" until he knows what's going on. He doesn't really know anything about tohrettes but tries to learn, especially once he can read. One of the tics I have is tapping something near me, or like a 'pat.' On a rough day, I've smacked things near me. I think at most, he may make a joking comment like "Hey! What did i do?" Which Aron would appreciate, since she herself likes to laugh it off. He'd tell her not to apologize for it. Being he has super speed, if she's doing something and a tic starts that could injure her (like while using a knife, or if she had a self injurious tic where she was going to hit herself) he'd be the quickest to be able to stop her from getting hurt. She told him that restraining her tics would make it worse, so the most any of them can do is stop her from stabbing herself. He's also quick to shut anyone up who tries to make fun of her. She has to talk him down from saying anything or fighting anyone.

Matthew is the only one who 100% knows what tourettes is because of social media, but that also fueled some belief of harmful stereotypes and misinformation Aron will need to shut down. He's completely receptive and may even argue with people who push those stereotypes. He doesn't know a lot about it, but he knows enough about it to know it's out of her control. Like Sam, he will laugh it off with her. They send tourettes memes to each other. He'll also try to defend her but knows Aron can handle it herself.

Damien knows as soon as they meet, he's the one who tells the others "she has something called...tourettes? Is that right?" He's extremely understanding and will laugh it off with her. He'll reassure her that her tics do not annoy them, and she doesn't need to try to suppress her tics around them. (which she has a bad habit of)

[shu-box-puns]

Hello there mate!

Hope you're doing good and I'm here to say I ADORE you're Dad!Tsu'tey works and they bring me my daily dose of serotonin.

But also, since I've read (and reread) the "Grumpy dad and his feral son" work I've been having some thoughts. Like, what if Tsu'Tey was just a second too late and they managed to take Spider away? How would he react (I mean obviously he would hunt the shit out of them down) ? When would he and Spider reunite again? In the forest while he was with the recoms? In the battle of the Sea Dragon? I mean he would most def come to his rescue if the letter is the case to come and get him (+ to aid the Sullies), but then I also wonder what would happen. Would the whole Neytiri holding him hostige infront of Quaritch so he would release Kiri thing happen? How would he react to that? Or what if he got shot instead on Neteyam (not dying tho cos I want both my faves to live a happy life) ? I bet Tsu'Tey would be fucking terrified cos it woul remind him of how he got shot and almost died.

Anywho I'm sorry for the long line of questions and suggestions I left but when my brain finds something to hyperfixate on it will not stop coming up with questions and possible scenarios for the said thing 😅

I love the way your brain thinks Anon. (The fact I literally had most of these scenarios either thought out or planned :D) This got long. All the questions just gave me so many ideas and I RAN with it. Enjoy the memes and I hope there's no obvious spelling mistakes.

>_<

If Tsu'tey were too late to grab Spider before Quaritch got to him:

I could definitely see him tearing off after the recoms. Maybe he springs from the bushes too late, and Quaritch has already hoisted the boy up over his shoulder. Naturally, Tsu'tey still tries to attack him with his bow, but Lyle opens fire too fast and he old instinct has him retreating. Man definitely has some PTSD from getting shot during the war, and although mentally he still wants Spider back, his body goes on auto-pilot and throws him out of the line of fire. Lyle keeps shooting in his direction as the recoms retreat, but Tsu'tey isn't gonna let something as silly as instinct keep him down for long.

That's his boy, they'll have to kill him to keep him from getting him back. Thankfully, Jake knows exactly where his brain went and literally had to throw himself at this man so he didn't end up getting himself shot (again). Jake likes Spider well enough, but he thinks regrouping is a better course of action than charging in guns blazing - shocker, he's actually matured since having his kids.

Tsu'tey definitely fights with all he has against Jake, cursing at him and trying to wrestle himself free. He can't focus on anything but the distant roar of the enemy ship as it soars in close to the canopy. He can see the lights, and through the trees, the vague outlines of the recoms strapping themselves in. Lo'ak definitely has to wrestle the hunter's knife out of its sheath before he remembers it is there. But no one can save Jake from Tsu'tey biting the shit out of him. Man does not give a shit at this point.

When he gets free. (Of course it's a when not an if.) The airship is already long gone. A distant hum in the distance, even to his superior hearing. The pure, unbridled rage on this man's face is terrifying. Instead of explosive, loud anger, he's cold, almost unnervingly calm. A whole new level of terrifying.

Jake is definitely too scared to try and coax him out of the clearing and instead focuses on reassuring his children. Neytiri has to approach him, she's known him the longest afterall. Had stuck with him through the loss of Sylwanin, the fall of HomeTree, the war, she knows how best to handle him when he is like this. That doesn't mean her words are effective however. Tsu'tey needs a moment of stillness to collect his thoughts and recollect himself after the adrenaline burst, but Neytiri is already grabbing him roughly by the bicep and trying and drag him to his ikran.

He's still seething. Barely seeing straight. Half baked plans of him attacking the demon airship before it could get to Bridgehead were sounding more tempting by the moment.

Somehow Neytiri drags him out of the clearing and into the branches of the trees. Hauling his weary body to safer ground. But in his musing, Tsu'tey recalls the figure of Neytiri in the trees when Spider fell. He remembers seeing her dragging Kiri away with half a nod of acknowledgement sent Tsu'tey's way. It sends a fresh wave of rage crashing over him.

"You left him." He suddenly snarled, ripping his arm from her and pointing an accusatory finger at her. "He was right there, and you abandoned him!"

Neytiri's ears droop and she doesn't deny it. She doesn't back down either. "My priority was Kiri. I assumed you could handle it." She doesn't apologise for her actions or inaction. Just holds his gaze and holds her ground. Her expression neutral.

Tsu'tey knew she'd never taken much of a liking to Spider, despite her relationship with Jake and his heritage. Despite Tsu'tey unofficial adoption of the boy. There had always been a sense of hostility between the two. With Neytiri acting colder to Spider and the boy refusing to call her out on it. Tsu'tey had never thought to address it or try and help them mend that gap, now look at them.

And that's the real kick to the teeth. Not that Neytiri didn't care enough to be sorry that it was his kid taken instead of her own. It was the truth in her words that had his anger faltering. He should've been able to handle it. Spider was his son. And he let him slip through his fingers. He should've fought harder, dirtier. Should have resorted to teeth and nails if he had to.

So what if he got shot? If he'd angled it right, he would've had enough time to get Spider to safety.

If it had been Neteyam or Lo'ak in Quartich's hold, Jake would've torn himself apart to ensure their safety. Neytiri would've fallen into a blind rage to keep her children safe. Would have used every resource at her disposal to protect her own. She would have stared death in the face and kept snarling. And what had Tsu'tey done? Allowed a past experience to still his movements. To make him hesitate, and now he might have to pay the price for the rest of his life.

His retort dies on his tongue as his heart clenches painfully. But Tsu'tey had never been one to give up easily. He kept a tight hold on his anger, allowed it to guide him as he shoved past Neytiri and called for his ikran. His face was set in his trademark scowl, but there was a predatory fluidity to him that only came out during the war. When what he loved was threatened.

As his ikran lands beside him and he makes the bond, Lo'ak sidles up to his side, offering him back his knife. There is a familiar fire burning in the depths of the boy's eyes. A desire for vengance, and a sea of guilt and pain. Tsu'tey allows his face to soften for a heartbeat, he bends over the side of his ikran and squeezes Lo'ak's shoulder tight. "I will get him back." He promises.

Lo'ak chews on his lower lip, his eyes flickering to Tsu'tey and holding his burning gaze. He must see Tsu'tey's determination, his drive, his stubbornness, because he cracks a small smile and nods.

The family prepares to return to High Camp. Jake warning Tsu'tey that any attempts to go after Spider now was a suicide mission. He didn't argue, but neither did Tsu'tey agree. He also chose to ignore Neytiri handing Tuk off to him. Just kept his gaze ahead, and his hand loosely wrapped around the little girl's stomach so she was secure in the saddle in front of him.

If they reunited in the forest:

Lets say by chance Tsu'tey gets word of the Demon ship in clan territory again, or he's just riding around the forest on a pa'li because it helps him clear his mind.

He hasn't slept since Spider was taken. He's worried for his boy and severely regretting not letting him know what he meant to him before this shit show got so out of hand. In typical Tsu'tey fashion, he's been spending his time gathering Spider's belongings for when he returns.

Norm had already handed over most of the boy’s prized possessions when Tsu’tey asked for them from his bedroom in the compound. He’d packed everything away neatly in preparation to wherever Jake was planning to flee, so his son would have what he needed the minute he was retrieved. Spare exo pack, rechargeable batteries, etc. 

He's in his head so deep, that he takes a double take when he spots Spider through the trees. His pa'li makes an abrupt stop, the large animal mirroring Tsu'tey's shock as he stares wide eyed at the image of his boy stood on a log, above a group of recoms. Even from a distance he can see the bruises. He can see the tense set of his shoulders, his swift glances to the forest, despite pretending to be at ease.

Tsu'tey's shock melts into a scowl as his bow groans under the tightening on his hands. He steels himself with a long, deep inhale, mentally calculating the space within the small clearing. The sight of the guns on the recoms have his heart pounding, and his scars tingling with phantom pain. He knows deep down that his bow will be useless in a one on six fight. His only advantage is surprise, and he only gets one chance.

Tsu'tey's mind is made up before he takes his next breath. He knows he needs to try. Even if it ends with a bullet between his shoulders and his pa'li throwing him off from the pain, he needs to die trying. Whether it kills him or not, he needs to return Spider to the clan, where he will be safe. Where Jake and Neytiri can take him to a fresh start, a safer alternative to the clan at war.

The recoms are distracted. Only one wearing sunglasses is actually taking stock of his surroundings. Spider is talking, commanding most of the group's attention.

Sucking in a deep breath, Tsu'tey lets out a sharp call that could easily be mistaken for some distant herd animal. None of the recoms react but he sees Spider visibly stiffens. Tsu’tey grins despite himself and readies his mount. 

He notches an arrow into his bow and urges his pa'li forward. He erupts from the undergrowth with a war cry, and skewers the closest unsuspecting recom. It scatters the group like startled yerik, who immediately scramble for their guns.

"TSU'TEY!" Spider yells, sounding shocked and elated to see him. The hunter spares only a moment killing a second recom before he's charging for that log. His pa'li races past faster than the enemy can load their weapons, and it gives Tsu'tey large enough of an opening to lean down and grab Spider's by his extended hands. The child immediately latches onto him, grabbing whatever he can as Tsu'tey swings him up into the saddle in front of him and together they disappear off into the undergrowth.

Shots were fired at their back but no one got hit, much to Tsu'tey's relief. But the adrenaline rush isn't over because Spider turns around and yells in a rush about a tracker in his mask.

Not to worry though, because Tsu'tey is very up to date on all the old compound location. Even as his triumph sours, he takes confidence in the distant yells of the recoms and the light pressure of Spider at his front. He snarls softly to himself as he makes his pa'li change course.

Yes they get the masks switched out without issue and toss the bugged one into a fast moving river to send Quaritch on a wild goose chase and buy the Sully's more time to run.

Side note: In this possibility, Tsu'tey was definitely convinced Spider wasn't safe enough with him and he had to go with the Sully's to the Metkayina clan. And Tsu'tey was NOT planning to go with him. HAVE ANGST!!

If they reunited on the Sea Dragon:

In this scenario, Tsu'tey ends up visiting the Sullys when the Sea Dragon turns up. He just wanted to check up on his friends and see if they've heard anything about Spider, and the next thing he knows, he's got nieces and nephews to save, and a score to settle.

Tsu'tey is definitely going straight for the ship.

It's during the stand-off where the Colonel has his gun to Lo'ak's temple and Jake isn't telling anyone over the comms what is happening - preparing to hand himself over like the idiot he is. Tsu'tey was circling above the clouds on his ikran with Neytiri, carefully listening to his ear piece as he tries to decipher what is going on. The minute he catches sight of Spider being escorted back into the ship, all rational thought leaves this man's head. Of course he has enough sense to remain undetected - he's not stupid - but he's also not on board with Jake's self-sacrificing bullshit. In Tsu'tey's books, failure is not an option this time around. He is getting Spider back if it kills him.

Tsu'tey and Payakan being on the same wavelength.

The tulkun YEETING himself onto the ship's deck and giving Tsu'tey big enough of an opening to land his ikran and send the beast back up into the sky undetected. He makes brief eye contact with Neteyam who's circling the shallows around the belly of the ship, getting ready to leap up and help out his siblings.

The oldest Sully boy points to the kids tied to the railing, Tsu'tey nods. He motions behind him, where the RDA sailors took Spider and Neteyam nods his understanding.

On the horizon, the Metkayina clan are inbound. Tearing through the waves and heading straight for the ship.

Tsu'tey decides that they've got this covered and finds the nearest doorway that will lead him into the belly of the metal ship. He's too tall for the corridors and either has to knuckle crawl or walk at a constant stoop. His bow is a pain to hold loaded in the tight space, so he opts solely for his knife.

He navigates the ship blindly. His ears pricked for Spider's voice, but otherwise killing anyone he comes across and moving swiftly. He knows the destruction caused by Payakan would've damaged something valuable and he needs to move fast.

I love the idea of Tsu'tey stumbling across the control room in time to find Spider steering the ship towards the rocks and then brutally killing the controls with a fire extinguisher. (Boy was eyeing that lever heavily whenever he was in the same room as it). Just Tsu'tey letting out a half formed growl as the crewmates try to tear Spider away and fix the lever, but his oncoming attack getting put on hold as the enormous ship speeds for the rocks and promptly takes off.

The minute that bitch lands back in the water, you can bet Tsu'tey is the first on his feet. He erupts into the room with a sound so unnerving that the crew forget that they are armed. It's an unfair fight. And despite the tight quarters and being outnumbered, Tsu'tey wipes the floor with everyone.

They find Spider an exopack and get the fuck off the sinking ship to meet back up with the Sullys out on the rock.

Just the crew out cold or dead at his feet, and Tsu'tey closing the distance between himself and Spider. He drops into a crouch, all hard scowl and sharp eyes, and gently tucks Spider's dread behind his ear. "Are you unharmed?"

Spider nods, dumbfounded and thrown off by the raw concern in Tsu'tey's voice. Tsu'tey grumbles. He can see spots of blood all over Spider, small grazes and nicks that shouldn't be there. His stripes are faded and his hair needs a retwist. But he's alive, and Tsu'tey isn't going to let anything else happen to him.

Bonus:

The standoff:

I feel like throwing Tsu'tey into the mix would throw so many scenes off course with his sheer presence that the stand off between Neytiri and Quaritch where they're holding the kids hostage wouldn't happen. There would be too many variables changing for it to occur the same way, but lets pretend it does.

(Neteyam is alive btw, just resting on his rock with Tsireya kindly mixing him up a poultice she learned from her Tsahik training. Lyle didn't kill him, but Neteyam definitely had to protect Lo'ak's dumbass in some way. That child is accident prone.)

Anyway, we've got Quaritch holding Kiri hostage. Jake is trying to keep Tuk out of harm's way. No one knows where the fuck Lo'ak is, but he's slippery enough to get himself out of anything. And then we've got Neytiri making a last ditch effort to protect her daughter by threatening to take away the last thing Quaritch loves; Spider.

In the background, we've got Tsu'tey. Breathing hard, slightly wounded from throwing himself around on a ship with broken equipment and guns getting fired at him from all directions.

Raised voices draw his attention. He's standing on the walkway overlooking the deck where the standoff is occurring. He spots Spider first, under Neytiri's blade, begging for Kiri's life instead of his own. Anger like he's never felt before curls hard in his stomach. The betrayal is worse than when Jake and Neytiri first mated. It was one thing to let his son get captured, it was another to murder him right in front of Tsu'tey.

Kiri's voice stops Tsu'tey from doing anything stupid in his blind rage. Every molecule of his body screams to defend his child, but common sense makes him take in the situation.

His head snaps to Quaritch holding Kiri hostage. To Jake within arms reach, but preoccupied with Tuk. To the knife drawing blood at Kiri's neck.

Tsu'tey also takes note of the clear shot he has from his vantage point. There is no conflict within him as he notches his bow. No concern for Spider's reaction, or the conflicted feelings he might have towards his birth father. Tsu'tey's mind is clear. His hands are steady. And his mind is made up.

He takes the shot, and nail's the recom through his right eye. The arrow - fired with all the strength he could muster - goes straight through bone and wedges in up to two thirds of its shaft.

Quaritch sways for a heartbeat, his knife clattering to the metal deck as Kiri tears away from him and throws herself at Jake. Then he collapses with a painful thump. Limps sprawling and his head lolling.

Slowly, Tsu'tey lowers his bow, his gaze narrowed and his tail whipping behind him. He catches Neytiri's eyes as the huntress and her family follow the direction the arrow had come from.

"Unhand. My. Son." Tsu'tey snarls, his voice ringing out over the soft crash of the waves and the pop of fire. His gaze is venomous, fingers twitching for another arrow if Neytiri doesn't back down. There's still a crazed edge to her gaze, a look Tsu'tey is sure he shares. He hasn't felt this shaken since Spider was taken.

Neytiri nods once. An acknowledgment. And lets Spider go.

His son stumbles away, furiously scrambling to put distance between himself and Neytiri. Kiri was quick to soothe him, check him for injuries as Jake carefully approached Neytiri to take the knife off of her.

Tsu'tey leaps down from the upper level. He can't be bothered to find the stairs and the height is nothing compared to what he has to deal with back in the forest. He keeps an eye on Neytiri, but knows that Jake has her now. Ears pricked in case of further enemies, Tsu'tey spares a few moments to kick Quaritch's corpse and make sure he fired a killing shot. The last thing he needed was to grow comfortable again and then in fifteen years have to deal with this bullshit all over again.

"Dad?" The quiet utterance has panic straightening his spine. It's not one of his nieces asking for Jake's attention. It's Spider's voice. Quiet and shaky and so vulnerable that Tsu'tey just wants to wrap himself up in his arms.

Instead, all he can think about is Quaritch's body at his feet. Tsu'tey's arrow protruding from his eye socket. His blood pooling at his feet.

Then it hits him all at once. Spider's birth dad is dead at his feet, and Tsu'tey put him there. Tsu'tey killed him. He didn't even ask. Spider spent months with this man - against his will - but not everything is black and white. They might have come to some understanding. He might of grown to know him outside of his video logs and the fleeting stories he overheard from the Omaticaya. Spider may have gotten to know Quaritch without the biased lense of hate everyone else talks about him with. And Tsu'tey murdered him. What's worse, he felt triumphant doing it.

Tsu'tey can feel his hands shaking, regardless of how tightly he grasped his bow. His ears were flat against his skull, his tail tucked in close to his legs. He prays he just looks like he's reflecting, in contrast to being crushed by the weight of his actions. And he keeps staring at Quaritch's corpse. The arrow. The blood.

"Dad?" Spider says again. A little louder. More confident. And it kills Tsu'tey as he cringes, eyes squeezing shut against the guilt.

A brush of a hand to his wrist. His eyes snap open, and there's Spider. Gazing up at him with wide, tearful eyes. His mask is slightly cracked and he's bleeding from his chest where Neytiri caught him with her blade. But there is no hatred in his expression. Only relief and exhaustion.

"Dad, are you okay?" Spider asks him, and he looks at Tsu'tey as he says it.

The realisation hits him like a sturmbeest stampede. That Spider was calling him Dad, not the corpse at his feet.

With a deep, shuddering breath, Tsu'tey pulls himself together. "I am." He reassures his son as he drops into a crouch. It is evident from Spider's expression that he doesn't believe him, but the boy doesn't push.

Instead, he throws his arms around Tsu'tey's neck and burries his face under his chin. Tsu'tey chuckles wetly, his arms wrapping around Spider and dragging him close. It soothes every raw instinct in him to finally have his boy back in his arms. Tired and injured, but safe.

Around him, he can hear the Sully family beginning to wade into the surf, so Tsu'tey tucks his arms under Spider's thighs and hoists him up onto his hip, like he used to when his son was still a toddler. Despite his age now, he's still the perfect size for Tsu'tey to carry unhindered out of the shipwreck.

BONUS: