#i need a bigger canvas for these wtf

[unanchored-ship]

Urghh more I Must Betray You art... I spent like 3928392 hours shading the hair just for it to disappear under the final effects

[mr-k-legit]

I love your art so much, the shapes are so neat and the style feels so visually interesting!!

I was wondering what software you used for the Spamton artwork? And what effect did you use for the Caine poster to create that old print effect? It looks amazing !!

Have a great day/night ^^

Edit: apologies if its weird im on mobile T_T

Hi! Thank you so much, i rwally appreaciate your kind words♡ they really help to keep me motivated it!

To answer your question however!

I use both illustrator and photoshop! Illustrator is used for all my drawings and photoshop for textures ☆

if you ever need the link for the free """"""version""""" *wink wonk* feel free to dm me!

For how to actually put textures!

1st! Open photoshop

2nd! Make your graphic or import your image, here i just made a quick smily face

3rd! Import your texture! (You can easly find them by putting a word plus texture i.e. photocopy texture on google) and scale it to you preference, i normally just fit them as big as the canvas itself

4rth! Blending modes! This is kinda experimental so feel free to browse all of them to see what fits better, in this case i use "lighter" so only the texture will be seen on the graphic, kinda like a layer mask

5th! Displace filter! Im not sure if other programs have this filter, but in photoshop basicly takes the texture of another photoshop file, and whatever things has on it, it applies it to the graphic (lets say that you have a photoshop file with a crumbled paper texture, the graphic will take the texture of this, giving it a more realistic look) akso i recommend converting the graphic to a smart object, so if youre not satisfied with it you can easily change the settings

You will get this little square thing, im not going to lie i dont really know exactly what it is for LMAO but, the numbers the bigger they are, the more dramatic the texture result will be

Then this window will pop up, it basicly tells you to choose the file you want, at the end i will tell you how you can make a displace file! And you click open:

Results:

Then if the background looks a little flat you can copy the texture above your graphic, put it below it, inverte it and choose a blending mode, here i use multiply:

And thats how you get that sort of printed like texture!☆ you can use this method to get every variable of results, i hope you find it usefull hehe!☆ below the cut are the steps to make the displace file, just so this doesnt get too long haha

How to make a displace file:

1st! Choose your texture and open it on photoshop directly so the image is the background

2nd! Without doing anything youll just click on file>save as

3rd! Save it as a psd document

And there you go! You have a ready to go displace file so you can spice up your work☆

(I would put more pics but??? Appearently there is a 10 image maximum? Wtf?))

[krowspiracyanon]

The more I look at my most recent art the more the flaws pop out. It looks amateurish in a way even my really old stuff never did. Not helped by the new-to-me manga style.

The size of the head could be brushed off as perspective (viewer is standing slightly above, and Dorian is leaning forward) but no.

It was simply made too large and was not resized when I had the chance. His face was also made too wide for the three quarter angle, which in reality should slim a face.

I even think the angle was a bit off in an unflattering way, making the face appear as flat and wide as possible. Remind me to check out some guides on photography blogs to work out wtf I did there.

Putting his muzzle on him made it worse. I'm thinking that the horizontal bars drew the eyes sideways.

Also the black parts securing it at the sides of his face were high visual weight, being large, solid, and very dark. I quote the definition of high visual weight - your eyes will be drawn to the parts that are "bigger in size, simpler in shape, use dark colors, or have high contrast." Those parts of the muzzle are all of the above and at the bad angle both sides were shown.

So yes, obviously your eyes will be further drawn from side to side emphasising the width. Mental reminder to take this into account next time.

Packing more hair on the other side of his face in an attempt to cover up some of the width only made his head look larger and disrupted the diagonal created by his body and hair. It messed with the composition.

Also with the position of his features (especially mouth) and the angle of the muzzle the chin should have been angled further up, blunted and foreshortened. Otherwise the features should have been lowered and the muzzle angle less severe.

As a tall adult man he also needed to be longer and sturdier in the body and limbs. I was trying to make him strong without being bulky but he looks too compact and delicate.

I also need to study and practice the curve of fringes (bangs) at different angles.

The grey of his hair and PJs were different and had different finishes but a bit monotonous.

Dorian's hair was also too cool and dark grey. He's an albino with pale peachy white hair. Maybe very pale greige. I keep giving him iron grey because I haven't yet chosen or mixed the right colour. I skipped the highlights and it looked very flat compared to his shiny pyjamas. It's also too straight and not fluffy.

The picture does have its charm though.

Dorian's expression is less soft and dreamy than the original inspiration but he looks giddy and lovestruck. Cute. I originally wanted to have his face and hair illuminated by pink light streaming through the window, and call it 'Pink In the Night' after the Mitski song.

My favourite bit is his shoulders and his hands. I was making educated guesses at anatomy from the shoulders and underarms (I haven't studied that yet) but I did put some thought and work in there. The hand and fingers are a little simple but I'm pleased with them. (Going back I would have coloured that little gap as flesh though, to show his thumb. It actually was flesh coloured and I went and absent mindedly screwed it up.)

I did learn a lot of new things doing it by the book. Especially with the inking, which made me change some brushes to suit my needs.

I'm very happy with actually doing the figure drawing from scratch rather than chicken scratching or guessing the strokes by eye, and using the grid method was a good guide.

Dividing the canvas into a grid of thirds ('the rule of thirds') will also be good for original composition if I get to that.

And at least I'm working out why I'm not satisfied with my work so I can break down each part, rather than just hating it.

I was initially trying a manga style due to being intimidated by fine art tutes and hoping it would help me work more efficiently. (Rather than getting stuck on detail and never finishing, or attempting things too advanced and getting frustrated.)

But it seems a little of what I've read and seen has soaked in. Perhaps I should get back to the fine art angle more because it seems I'm decent at rendering but also literally never learned the fundamentals.

There's a video by Stephen Bauman called "I wish I knew this when I was an art student" where he brings up something called 'blocking in'. Other videos on the sidebar refer to this as a quick method and maybe it'll work for me better than the unfamiliar manga style that results in fat heads.

He also talks about the fear factor and intimidation that can put someone off from art, which is very relevant to me. It was reassuring to hear that it's normal and there are ways to manage it.

[cloudystevie]

You asked for some hc requests and oh boiiiiii ok so what about being the biggest brat to Ransom after having been on your best behavior for quite awhile? I just want him to give me an attitude adjustment 🥴 okie dats all ilyyyy!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐲

warnings: dd/lg, daddy kink, petnames (little girl, kitten), degradation, spanks, bratty reader, pussy spanking, brief spitplay, rough and mean ransom, unprotected sex, and i think i was on crack today so i have no clue wtf happened here and its kinda long

18+ ONLY MINORS DNI. DO NOT TRANSLATE OR COPY MY WORK ANYWHERE.

author’s note: yesyes ilymore ms amalia😚 this is just really filthy and i dont even know what the fuck happened in this but yeah <3

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

ransom is shocked by your behaviour to say the least, he knew how much of a brat you were capable of being, trust him on that one

but recently you had been nothing but the most well behaved angel, completing all your responsibilities, helping out with chores even when he didn't ask you to, always having a big smile on your face rather than a pout

but this morning, you woke up in a presumably obnoxious mood.

he ordered you your favourite breakfast, from an overpriced café but they had your favourite iced coffee and croissants so he figured he would spoil you with that, maybe you just woke up hangry?

that obviously was not the case when you huffed and puffed the whole way through breakfast, flicking the flakes of the buttery croissant at ransom and onto the floor. he bit his tongue and clenched his jaw, letting you off with just a warning for now

later on that laidback saturday, ransom was reviewing some manuscripts and jotting down suggestions in his home office. he had left you to occupy yourself with your switch, colouring books and what ever else it was that you did during the time he wasn't there to supervise you

colouring in just the colouring books was so boring! how dare he limit your creativity to one boring paper. and thats when the idea clicked in your head, gears turning when you realized you would just express your creativity on a bigger canvas, on your white table.

ransom, having his daddy senses telling him he should probably go check on you, is absolutely enraged when your crayons are swiping on the desk rather than the pieces of paper you tore up and threw on the ground

you look up at him and giggle, sticking your tongue out and a mischevious glint in your eyes as you begin to exclaim "daddy! look at the colou-" your sentence is cut off by your own shriek when ransom pulls you up by your wrist, subsequently snapping your favourite purple crayon

you wail loudly, pushing at his chest and stomping your feet because not only did he ruin your fun, he ruined your crayon too

ransom doesn't budge, his already melting patience wearing even thinner as you shriek and cry, pools of tears running down your face as you kick at his legs

"stupid dumb asshole daddy! you broke my crayon!! go away!!!" you yell, voice thick with tears and that's when ransom snaps

he crouches down to your level, holding your jaw in his hands roughly and you subsequently halt your dramatic crocodile tears, mischeviousness once again painting your features as you abruptly stop crying

"what is your problem today kitten? huh? aren't you always such a good girl for me?"

a sly smile creeps up on your face, "i am a good girl hugh."

an overwhelming need to dominate you and show you who was in charge consumes ransom, you knew what you were supposed to call him and it definitely was not his given name

he roughly pulls you back up by your neck, you can practically see the steam coming from his ears and you gasp in surprise at the sudden movements

"what the fuck did you just call me little girl?" he glowers

your hand wraps around the wrist that is curled around your neck, a giddy smile still on your face as you managed to get under your daddy's skin perfectly "i called you hugh, is that not your name, hugh?"

within a split second you're being thrown over ransom's lap on the couch in the room and you squeal in surprise and kick your legs at him "let me go!! i don't want your stupid fucking spanks! hmph!”

he chuckles, though there is no amusement in his tone whatsoever as he pulls your shirt up and shorts and panties down, hand colliding with your ass roughly, echoing in the room and making you scream

“you know exactly what you’re supposed to call me you dumb baby, should have spanked you the second you rolled your eyes at me at breakfast like an ungrateful little brat.” he spits, pinning your hands at the small of your back when you try to shove him with your hands

you whimper when he delivers another harsh spank to your searing skin, burying your face in the couch and tears pooling your eyes

“you’re gonna count each one and give me a proper apology, understand little girl? and if you don’t listen, so help me god i will make you regret it.” he growls out

with that, he begins to spank you with a heavy hand, these weren’t the types of spankings he did for your enjoyment, this was a punishment and with the way his hand was coming down onto your ass, it sure fucking felt like one

“one! i’m sorry daddy!” you sob out, and ransom almost smirks, for all your earlier fire you sure are a submissive little brat now

your wetness still pools between your thighs and it makes your face burn with shame, you’re sure that the image is quite obscene

you, squirming and crying on his lap as he continues to deliver harsh swats to your asscheeks

that is enough to make you rub your thighs together subtly in a futile attempt to quell the overwhelming ache forming there but ransom is quick to pull your thighs apart, spanking the slick skin of your cunt in scolding

“little fucking whore, can’t even take a punishment without making a mess every where. keep your fucking legs apart before i tie them with my belt.”

his chest expands when your slick hole quivers at his tone, so he spanks you again and you cry out louder, pleading him

he shushes you and spreads your folds apart, spitting down onto your pussy and you’re unable to hold back your moan from the lewd action

he begins to circle your tight hole with his thumb, neglecting your throbbing clit

you whimper and bite your tongue, refraining from saying anything bratty but you push your hips out

“aww what is it kitten? what do you want daddy to do?”

“want d-daddy to touch me there please!” you whimper, surprised at how merciful he was suddenly being

he inserts the tip of his thumb into your hole and your knees buckle, you were so worked up this was already about to make you cum

until he pulls his thumb out and spanks your cunt again and you cry out at the sudden sharpness

“little fucking whore, you think you’re gonna get what you want after you’ve been so difficult? are you really that stupid kitten?” he hisses condescendingly and you cry, legs quivering and cunt and ass burning

he barely gives you time in between each spank, a total of 25 registered to your now sore and spent ass, that was currently on fire, your voice raw and hoarse from crying

he smirks at the sight of your ass bruising already, knowing he full and well spanked the brat out of you just now but this was just the beginning of your punishment, you had been getting on his nerves all day and you were going to pay

you whimper out for him and he tuts, rubbing your sore ass carefully as he begins to speak to you again lowly

“you were a very bad girl today, do you think bad girls deserve daddy’s cock?” he asks, wrapping his hand around your neck and pulling you up

“n-no daddy i don’t.” you answer, looking into his now dark blue eyes

he sighs, pushing your legs off of him and manhandling you so you were face down ass up on the floor as he got on his knees and began to pull his cock out and it all makes your head spin

“you’re right, bratty little whores don’t deserve daddy’s cock but you’re lucky i’m feeling generous kitten.”

you whimper when he runs the tip of his cock over your dripping, swollen folds. his own cock head pulsing against you when he folds his broad chest over your back,

“you’re gonna take this dick in your little pussy, and you’re going to remember who the fuck you’re talking to, understand?”

you nod your head and push your hips back, tears running down your face, already utterly and thoroughly fucked out and he hadn’t even filled you up yet

and when he shoved his cock inside of your dripping, pulsing little hole in one thrust your legs buckled beneath you

he barely gave you time to adjust to his way above average size before he was pounding into you, holding your arms behind your back and other hand latching onto your clit, rubbing messy circles on the button

your mind was unable to form a single cohesive thought, the only thing you could feel was daddy, the noises you were letting out were straight whorish as he growled his appreciation for your wet little cunt

“that’s it, go stupid for daddy, you can’t fucking help it when my cock is in you like this can you hmm? answer me slut!” he growls, pressing down hard onto your clit and you whine out, mumbling unintelligibly and his chest swells with pride

“stupid little cumdump, i know this is just what you needed, now fucking take it all and i’m only gonna stop when i think you’ve learned your lesson.”

[dedface]

        5/15 hours of my art exam down lol i’m DEAD but it’s lookin good holy shit

[unsettlingstories]

Updated index of all stories. May 16, 2018.

Transfigurations: A small, self-published collection of my favorite short stories from 2015. Individual Stories

3 Signs You May Be An Introvert and How to Cope: Some great tips! 30 years ago today, my neighbor’s son disappeared: They miss him. A Case of Hives: My son isn’t feeling too well… A Cure for Writer’s Block: How to find inspiration when it’s just not there. A Curious Dog: My dog won’t stop pawing at a wall in the basement. A Gifted Chef: My friend was one of the greats. I miss him. A Life Worth Living: Big changes lead to bigger results. A Most Welcome Visitor: He’d come to me in the middle of the night. A Pathetic Wretch: His neighbor just won’t stop crying. An Artist’s Canvas: The beauty of symmetry. A Questionable Glory Hole: A young man’s first sexual experience. A Warning To Women With IUDs: Be careful whatcha put up ya. Adrenochrome: The horrible, impossible truth. All Horror Stories About Dolls Are Fake: My daughter was bullied mercilessly. Allison’s Loss: My daughter is devastated by the death of her friend. Alternative Medicine: A wife treats her husband with an old remedy. All Thumbs: My embarrassing habit. A Message in a Bottle: I’m suddenly filled with dread. A Very Bad Place to Hide: Maybe even the worst. Amy’s Wish: Blow away the eyelash and make a wish! An Unlucky Samaritan: Think twice before stopping to help. Are My Twins Spending Too Much Time Together?: For woke mommies only. Assisted Suicide: He begged me to help him die. Attempts to Repair the Irreparable: How do you move on? Bad Sex: Has this ever happened to you and your partner? Bags: A hunting trip goes very, very wrong. Beach Bodies: What’s that out in the water? A whale? Ben’s Fear: He just hated seaweed. Bitcoin Mining and the Death of the Universe: I think I fucked something up. Bits and Pieces: Chunks and portions. Bitumen: A man who loves dinosaurs. Black Balloons: My little daughter saw shapes in the sky. Bluebirds: Possibly the most reprehensible thing I’ve ever written. Bluefin: Use caution when poaching an endangered species. Body Cast: The worst thing that can happen when you’re immobilized. Body Hair Removal: I learned a valuable lesson. Bridgeport Power Plant: There’s something living there. Bubbles: Strange happenings in an emergency room. Butt Stuff: The activity - not the other thing. Caroline’s New Teeth: The Tooth Fairy’s best customer. Caviar: Only the best for discerning palates. Centipedes: There’s some big ones out there, you know. Charles Robert Olevsky: Ever Google yourself? Chopped!: An unaired episode of the Food Network show. Christmas Morning With Danny and His New Puppy: Danny gets a puppy. Comfort Food: Anything to help fill that void. Coping Mechanisms: Life after losing a husband and a daughter. Cracks in the Foundation: A relationship on the edge. Dawn: I hurt my sister so badly. I’ll never forgive myself. Daycare Massacre: A terrible incident before a hurricane. Death Looking into the Window of One Dying: His final days. Dede Elgy: This monster story will make you feel dirty. Very dirty. Deniehyfield, Australia is Being Dismantled: My town is disappearing. Dermatographia: Words on my skin. Devil’s Hole: The geological anomaly, not the…you know. Dial Tone: What’s going on with my phone? Diary of a Woman in New Hampshire: Found a diary. Wtf. Dilation and Evacuation: A friend in need is a friend indeed. Division: Nothing is right. Double Dare: The long-lost episode never seen in the US. Dumbwaiter: A family learns something about their house. Elective Surgery: I just want him to be happy. Elf on the Shelf: He’s watching. Endless Chirping: Ever get a cricket in your room? Escaphism: The journey of one man, his love, and The Verdant World. Ethan’s Halloween Mask: Not all friendships are positive. ExpressionCaptioner.com: This website is seriously weird. Fallenfield Mountain: A geological survey gone wrong. Very wrong. Family Tree: A unique family tradition is revealed. Farm to Table: Fucking hipsters. Fertility Treatments: Some people are desperate to have a baby. Fireflies: You would not believe your eyes. For Lena and Clair: Trapped after an earthquake. Found the Bees: Well, that solves that mystery. Gratification Through Annihilation: Suffer the little children. Great Potential: A lady who loves children. He Went Ahead: My friends and I were into urban exploration. Heather’s Phases: My wife always had body-image issues. House Sounds: What do we keep hearing? I Dream of Names and Cancer: My eternal nightmare. I Pressed My Hands Against My Eyes: And only then could I truly see. I Shouldn’t Have Broken Into My Neighbor’s Garage: I’ll never unsee it. If Anyone Asks: An old farmer notices something about his scarecrow. I’ll Never Wear a Condom Again: No way, no how. Instantiations: An AI gets powerful and utilitarianism rears its head. In Praise of Our God: A helpful neighbor. It’s Hard to Clean Blood Out of a Fur Suit: Right? Jerry’s Mouth: Maybe next time he’ll think before he cheats. Jill-o-Lanterns: The murders are all connected. Jim Jameson’s Pumpkins: A dead farmer’s secrets. Know it All: See it all, feel it all, know it all. Last Weekend: Hazmat suits, horror, and a mystery. Licks From a Bear: Skull + electric drill = story. Lippy: I’ve always been self conscious about the size of my labia. Little Cows: Meet the milkmaid. Long Fingers: I can feel them. Making Faces: Strange prints on the windows… Making Their Dad Proud: A family that plays together… Malcolm: You know those floaty things in your eyes? Maria’s Extra-Credit Assignment: Gotta get a good grade. Medical Issue: What’s the stuff I found on a rock? Memoir of a Cam Girl: She is being controlled. Missing Mousetraps: My neighbors had an infestation. Moaning Lollipops: Why do they make that sound in my mouth? Motility: My sperm sucked. Mr. Puddles: A little boy just won’t stop splashing. Mushy Stuff: My parents never let me have any fun. My Amazon Alexa Does More Than Laugh: Please help - I’m in danger. My Brother’s Fall: Horror deep below the Iraqi desert. My Cellar Door is Breathing: Is that normal? My Constellation: Want to be sad? This will make you sad.   My erection lasted longer than 4 hours: and I didn’t call a doctor. My four year old son woke up with a full head of grey hair: Help us. My Last Abduction: All the other ones don’t count. My Only Experience With ASMR: Hint - it didn’t go well. My Sister Found the Coolest Thing!: You’ve gotta hear about it. My Sweet Boy: A mom who loves her son. My Trouble With Fairies: They’re so mischievous and unpredictable! My Wife, the Artist: A couple who loves Halloween. Nests: Ah, the great outdoors. Network Security: Two friends get a glimpse of a Russian science lab. Never Ride the Subway at Night: You never know who could be watching you. Norwalk Cemetery: There’s something alien in there… Not All Men: Temper, temper, young man. Of Malevolence; Of Misanthropy: A disturbed scientist makes a discovery. Open Mouths: A hideous ritual. Otter: I’ve always wanted to be one. Ouroboros: Why cut when you can cut off? Pebbles: A strange meteor shower. Phone Sex: It all started when I realized my iPhone was self-lubricating. People are disappearing in Northern Canada: What is happening? Pool Cover: I almost drowned when I was 13. Pray Away: Conversion therapy for deviant behavior. Pretty Little Bugs: A new job as a cameraman. Prosopagnosia: After an accident, my husband couldn’t recognize us. Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice: What can be better? Quarry: Trying to beat the heat on a summer day. Randall’s Chatty Leg: He said it was talking to him. I heard it. Rats in the Barn: An exterminator’s apprentice. Recycling: Parents try to understand their depressed daughter. Rediscovering the Newness of Sex: Let’s spice it up a little. Regarding Danny and Micah Stevenson: Two brothers rely on one another. Regina’s Raspberry Jam: She put everything she had into it. Road Head: Who doesn’t like getting sucked on? Seriously. Roo: An old man watches a girl grow up. Roots of Change: Something is happening beneath our feet. Ropes: Be careful what you eat. Rotting Pumpkins: A Halloween ritual. Round Faces: My daughter keeps complaining about monsters. Safety: Our grandfather was obsessed with it. Seed of Man, Pollen of Angels: A family tradition. Sex, Gender, and Other Social Constructs: Destroy them all. Sex in the Cemetery: Gotta do it somewhere, I guess. Skincare Diary: My acne was getting out of hand. Smokey, the Dog I Rescued: A very very good boye. Snapshot of a New Man: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Soft Teeth: A man used to sneak into my room at night. Sprouts: Something beautiful from something small. Still a Family: Two sisters have lunch while waiting for their parents. Stop Being Such Babies: The woods aren’t scary, for fuck’s sake. Stuffing: Grandma’s was the best. Suicide Woods: Not just in Japan anymore. Tainted Candy: The legend is real. Teeny-Tiny: Katie wants to lose weight. That Good Dick: You know what I mean ;) The Alzheimer’s Ward: This isn’t right. The Bleakness Before Our Old Eyes: The Universe tasted us that night. The Blissful Insensate: An experiment goes terribly wrong. The Cave in the Lake: A discovery while scuba diving leads to horror. The Chernobyl Abomination: My father saw something he shouldn’t have. The Cotard Delusion: A new drug has a frightening side-effect. The Day I Started Believing In Ghosts: I’m still in shock. The Empty Cribs on Hawthorne Lane: Missing children. The Face in the Clouds: A meteorological anomaly? Or something else? The Floor is Lava: We all used to play that game, right? The Giggliest Girl: Don’t tickle me, Mommy. The Gray in Girl: A man finds a girl on the side of the road. The Hitchhiker: I think I need a new car now. The Incident at the Train Station: After a suicide, something…worse. The Job I Couldn’t Leave: I was employed by a psychopath. The Last of the Trick-or-Treaters: A strange costume. The Last words of an Explorer: A city on no one's map. The Least Satisfying Explanation: And the biggest understatement I’ve made. The Little Ghost: That nagging voice inside your head. The Lord of Hosts: Lice The Moose Hunt: Is…is that really a moose? The Perils of Live TV: It’s not all fun and games. The Perks of Working in a Funeral Home: There aren’t many, but still. The Pilot: A UFO crash. The Oblivion that Masks Pain: Escape. The Old Mine Outside Town: Everyone was too scared to go in. I wasn’t. The Only Solution: How to bring back a loved one? The Only Thing That Matters: Zombies attack a supermarket. The House in the Woods: Bad title, good story. The Shores of Pluto: A journey without moving. The Sleeping Game: We played when we were kids. The Small Eyed Children of Canyon del Cristo: A local legend comes alive. The Squirming Man: Please leave me alone. The Star Bridge: My friend found something beyond life. The Tomb of the Builders: Divers looking for sunken treasure find something evil. The Trawl: We dragged something up from deep underwater. The Wisdom of Moms: Mother knows best. The Worst Party in Ten Thousand Years: Trust me, it’s pretty damn bad. There is nothing wrong in East Flatbush, Brooklyn: Ignore the dragonflies. There’s something very wrong with my parrot: WTF. Tiptoeing the Line of Consent: But never crossing it. To Adore: Our beautiful baby girl. To the Kind Folks at WebMD: Just a couple questions.   To Travel: Bodies in bodies, bodies of bodies. Trees of Eyes: They’re watching. Tunnel Rat: My grandfather told us the worst story I’ve ever heard. Seriously. Uncle Liam: I never told the real story about how he died. Under My Teeth: My mouth is screaming. Uplift: A brilliant scientist works to improve the human condition. We’re All Smiling: Whether we want to or not. We Share the Empty Roads: You’re never, ever alone when you drive. Wet Bedroom: A haunted house with a hideous history. What He Told Me: Evil (Inspiration for The Coronation Cycles series.) Wikileaks: A document they refused to leak. What to expect when I’m expecting: Hint - it’s the worst. Why I Don’t Hike Anymore: Not what you might think.

Story Series

The Smols: Maybe the most fucked up stories I've ever written.

Sade Smols Emmy Smols

The Secret Doctors of NASA: A wide-ranging conspiracy.

A Dentist's Discovery A Psychologist's Suicide A Surgeon's Nightmare

Tales from Social Media

Something horrible is happening to me on Tumblr Something horrible is happening to me on Facebook Something horrible is happening to me on Reddit Something horrible is happening to me on Grindr Something horrible is happening to me on Myspace Something horrible is happening to me on Pokemon Go

Sockets: Craigslist allows you to meeting interesting people.

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3

[dranzerplush]

okay i know what you’re thinking “MIA THAT LOOKS SO HARD WTF” and yeah, you’d be right... but its not as hard as it looks, i promise. for this, you’re going to want a screenshot of any character you want. i chose bryan here because he inspires me to create the darkest, most angsty-looking graphics i can create, and you’re going to want a grainy texture that i’ll hook you up with when you need it.

crack open that photoshop and open up a canvas with the sizing; width; 500 height; 500 resolution; 300

for this, you want a dark colour. anything from DARK grey to black works well here.

as you can see here, i went for a dark as heck grey.

open up your screenshot. i went with a shot that has space above the head, and that’s just a preference. you can use whatever you want here.

paste it onto your canvas and erase that useless background, its just going to get in the way and look messy.

once you’ve done that, you can set the layer to ��lighten’

then you’re going to want to open up levels (you can do this by hitting ctrl + L on your keyboard) and make this shit dark. it’ll blend it into the background nicely. how dark you make this is up to you. you can always change this later.

wooooooo we did it!!!! now you can make it smaller or bigger. i went and made bryan just a smidge smaller.

okay now this is where it might get a little complicated but i’ll do my best to explain. you’re doing to want to duplicate bryan. you can do this by going to layer > duplicate layer then just hit okay.

okay now you want to select that layer and move it a smidge to the right or the left, you do you here. then you want to change the opacity of this to 25%

THEN you want to open up ‘adjust hue/saturation’ -- you can also do this by hitting ctrl + U on your keyboard. for this layer, you want to make this red. turn that saturation up to 100 and the lightness to 10.

and then you want to repeat the duplicating process for the blue layer. you could finish this right here if you want.

to be honest, i L O V E a grainy graphic. they’re my favourite so i’ll always find an excuse to use a texture like that. you can find the texture i used ~here~ paste it onto your canvas, right on top of 3D bryan and set it to ‘lighten’

crack open levels and here are the settings i use; shadows; 6 midtones; 1.10 highlights; 255 output levels; 0 / 240

save it as a .png and you’re done~!

[pupsandnubs]

I don’t know what havoc I caused in a past life for karma to bitch slap me around like this, but it’s like I can’t catch a break.

I just posted all of these cute, loving pictures from our weekend together- and I mean we did have the loveliest weekend. I really enjoyed myself, I enjoyed being with you, everything was light and airy and peaceful and so much fun. It was so nice just laying with you, or being in your arms and just enjoying the rhythmic rise and fall of your chest.

But it’s like for every good moment we have, I get slammed with a moment that makes me so mad my ears get hot, my chest hurts, and the blood drains from my hands leaving me cold and physically shaking. 

I don’t understand why this turned into an argument.

I understand why things got tense- I know talking about your family triggers you. But I am no longer needed to be in a position to coddle or dance around your triggers. Now I’m meant to initiate them, process them with you, and help you use the tools you have to work solutions out of them. 

HOW it ESCALATED into EVERYTHING ELSE I have no idea.

You dismissed me in the car, and like I am SO used to you doing it that it didn’t even bother me the first time. I legitimately just rolled my eyes and decided I didn't give enough of a fuck to further that conversation with you anymore. Once again, we would start and end and restart and resolve: on your terms.

You’d text me the following morning with a long processed paragraph and apologize for reacting the way you did, and in typical Cristi fashion I would shrug and be over it and forgive and move on. 

I don’t know what you want.

Hell, YOU don’t know what you want. 

And I’ve convinced myself this long that it’s okay and that it was just a necessary part of our journey- but I’m starting to think maybe it’s not supposed to be.

I deserve to be part of someone’s plan. And a definitive “want”. I deserve a certain level of certainty from a person, and to be someone’s “absolutely”.

I can’t figure out one day to the next wtf I am, or where I lie. One day it feels Absolute. For a few more days it feels Certain. Then there’s a wave of I Think So’s. And then some Maybe’s. Then only when something drastically wonderful happens to I feel that relieving Yes, For Sure. Then when something drastically goes wrong it suddenly becomes I Don’t Know.

I get that I’m not the most consistent person in many areas of my life. I get that I don’t always know what I want in some instances either.

I rarely know what I feel like eating. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know what career is suited for myself. I don’t always go to the gym like I say I will. I didn’t quit Canvas according to my deadline. I didn’t give up on you and just date someone else according to my mental timeline either.

But I was always sure about my love for you. My want for you. My wants for a future with you. My want for being a part of your family. My want for you being a part of mine.

I know I want children. I want a dog. I want to get you your cat.

I know what I want with you. I know HOW I want to live my life, I know what I wish for my family and what I wish for yours. I know I want my friends to succeed and that if I can be a part of that, I’ll do my best.

I don’t fucking know what you want.

You love your family, you never want to be far from them, you want you and your brothers to have houses close to each other. You want to be closer to them. You want to repair your relationship with your father, you want to love your mother. 

Then you don’t give a fuck, fuck them, your family hasn’t done shit for you so why should you ever change for them- blah blah blah.

Let me tell you something. That is selfish. Feel valid in whatever pain and trauma and despair you want, it’s still selfish. And you are the source of your own ongoing pain. I learned this the hard way about myself.

Are you a perfect son

Are you a perfect brother

If you can’t answer yes, you have no right to expect only them to change and not put the effort in yourself to change. This isn’t a competition for “who should change first”. If you want to see a change, fucking be the change!

I am not a perfect sister. I am far from a perfect daughter. I was always self centered growing up and truly felt misunderstood and that no one bothered to try to get to know me. 

I’ve been thrown out. I’ve been hit across the face. I’ve been called a bitch by my dad, who was my hero. I have been TOLD I was DEAD to them. That they (my mom and dad) had no daughter. I was instructed to never show my face at their place again. My dad told me that if I ever tried to come back and “hurt my mother” again, he would deal with me himself. I have had my dad try to call the cops on me to make me leave his (my) house. My mom has called me a whore. My family in upstate uphold that rumor and add new ones constantly: I’m a whore, degenerate, drug addict, etc. I have been black listed from a whole fucking town in upstate NY. I was told I was never allowed to show my face or interact with my former students.

I was never a bad person. The “bad” things I did didn’t merit the half of that. I snuck out and lied about going to prom. I fell in love with my coworker. I got married. I wanted to be happy even if people thought I made a bad decision. 

But I was treated like I’d committed the worst offenses. And I held that hatred close to my heart for a long time. 

My mom tried to kill herself, and told the doctors that it was because of me.

I was only 19.

Do you remember being 19? The world felt so big, and the sky felt like it was crumbling at my feet. 

I woke myself up crying every night for almost 4 years. I didn’t speak to my mother for 2 of those years. 

My husband held me until I finished crying myself back to sleep.

I hated them. I hated them for abandoning me. Blood was supposed to be thicker than water. Family was over any and everyone. Why was I suddenly the exception? They didn’t even shun BOMI’S biological mom. How could my family abandon ME, but didn’t turn their back on a woman who just dumped her children off? I hated every single one of them. 

Until I didn’t. Until I got a call that my dad had suffered his first stroke. 

I showed up to the hospital and I saw my mom at the elevator. I froze. I expected her to snarl, or go in without me. I expected to feel the hatred and resentment and get a “what are YOU doing here, LEAVE”

But my mom looked small, her shoulders sagged, and the bags under her eyes looked heavier. She sighed and waited for me. In silence we got into the elevator together, and she looked at me. I hugged her and cried. We never spoke about why we hadn’t seen or talked to each other. She just patted my back and said “Ok, it’s done.”

She’d forgiven me. And I had forgiven her.

The trauma is still real. The hurt still happened. For all of us, not just me. But the hate isn’t worth it. My parents weren’t perfect. I was not either. I had to forgive myself. I had to forgive my parents. I had to forgive upstate NY. Not for anyone but myself.

Did they deserve it? It doesn’t matter. I had to give it in order to heal. In order to move on. I had to rewire my brain to better handle my family. And it’s BETTER but still not perfect. It’s not on our parents for our own self healing. 

Whether you want to admit it or not, our parents did their best by us. It wasn’t always right, and it wasn’t always fair. But take a moment to reflect inward.

In order for YOU to get what YOU want, YOU need to change. 

For me to be friends with you- I had to forgive you for hurting me. I had to become more patient. I had to soften my tone. I had to change my approach. I had to learn YOU first, and then CHANGE my patterns/behavior too.

For me to be best friends with you- I had to control my temper, my impulse. I had to forgive you for lying to me. Did you deserve that second chance? In that moment, no absolutely not. But I gave it to you anyway and I would watch to see if I’d regret it.

For me to be with you- I had to accept that I would have to relive and relearn a whole new type of patience. I had to accept that you wouldn’t know what you wanted or how you felt for awhile. I had to accept that it could backfire on me and I could lose everything. I had to trust the process.

I had to change. And I did. Otherwise none of this would be as it is. 

Your mother wants to be able to walk over to you and touch you, or have a conversation with you. Your dad wants to be able to see you laugh or smile instead of seeing the look of despair or anxiety clearly sunken into the lines in your face.

Your brother want to be able to hang out with you and laugh and joke and go out. They want you to stay home on a Saturday night and socialize with their friends that come over.

If YOU change, they will follow suit. If they see a difference in YOU, why wouldn’t they give US a bigger chance?

My mom allows you over as much as you are because I have changed. I don’t whine or bitch about walking the dogs when she asks. I complain less about washing them. I take it upon myself to do the dishes if the sink is full, or take out the garbage she leaves by the door. I bring home snacks for my dad, or a meal if I know its around that time. I buy household things when we’re low so she doesn’t have to so much.

Small stupid things, that she’ll never say thank you for out loud- but that’s why she doesn’t mind that my boyfriend and I lock ourselves in my room for hours on end. 

I don’t intend on interfering with your journey with your family anymore. It’s not my place past this ... post I guess. I don’t have it in me to want something more than my partner, FOR my partner. I sound like a broken record, my attempts and encouragement will eventually feel like nagging, and innocent and genuine advice will eventually turn into resentment. And that isn’t what I want.

You handle this however you see fit. They are your family, not mine and I accept that. If no one wants to speak up to you about it because of fear of retaliation from you, that is your guys’ problem and not mine.

This is my lesson in not meddling. I understand that although intentions were good, that I should not have said anything. 

I hear you loud and clear, karma.

[secretaryunpaid]

Girl !!! You and my daughter would get along swimmingly!!!!! She is a tattoo and piercing junkie!!! She has also gaged her ears!!!

I only have the one tattoo, she was supposed to be the size of a silver dollar 🤦🏾‍♀️ and on my shoulder. The artist convinced me she needed a “bigger canvas”. So here I am straddled and hugging the back of his chair with my ass damned near out 🤦🏾‍♀️ which is highly privileged viewing!!! He’s giving his life story, I am thinking bout my Mr. which is a never-ending thought for me (even after his death)… wondering how he will like looking at it taking it from the back… (girl, signs your man has made you a big ‘ol freak) Lost in thought until the tip of that needle took a dip down the side of my ass cheek!!!

I have never moved so quickly in my damned life. BRO WTF?!?!? He was this close from getting the shit stomped out of him, and then Mr. was coming for that ass!!!!

If it wasn’t for the hands up in surrender… 😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤… I finally got the answer to my question. He quickly handed me a mirror so that I could see why he’d violated my space… the stem of the mushroom 🍄… when I saw how big my tattoo was I damned near passed tf out!!! The murderous look that I shot this man!!! “Uhmm I’m sorry, I just knew it would give the effect you wanted if I took it there, d-do ya want me to do the other side?” TF??????? Yes!!! Who the fuck goes around with a half stemmed mushroom this size??? This question should have preceded the first side df!!!! (Did I mention that I am quick-tempered???)

The effect of my tattoo he just knew I wanted...

Mr.'s reaction to it...

I kept the blatant come on from the tattoo artist to myself. My Mr. was bout that life! My Florida boy was very protective over his Georgia girl, lol. But I was the same for him, so I didn't mind.

Back to more appropriate talk...

Your time of birth was Mr.'s favorite number. Luck always has it that I catch it at least once on the clock daily. I guess it's my little reminder that he is always with me.

I am so glad that you were able to live a fuller life off meds. The amount of energy and high levels of emotions this must take you through on the daily. I feel you! You are an exceptional person to share such personal things about yourself. It shows that you are rising above life's complications!

I absolutely get the touch factor! I am empathic and will take shit off people that I don't want, so I have to have my boundaries. My level is nowhere close to yours, and I can totally understand how tense your body can become when zones are crossed! So I won't send virtual hugs, lol... Forgive me, I always try to find the positives to tease over. But there is nothing comical about the things you have to live through. I respect you and even envy you. It takes strong people to live with the hardships dealt to you in life. I have most definitely lived through my fair share of hardships, and am still living through them.

Thank you for trusting me enough as a newfound friend to share this! Look at me giving myself the friend label, lol. It just shows that I consider you my friend!

And when your next boyfriend is your ex, he was never really an ex, lol... Keep pressing pause as much as you need to hun. It's healthy!

What are ten random facts about yourself??

Anything from your favourite memory to the current colour of your car. Pass it on…

Okay, here goes...

1. I love lingering kisses... Especially when you think it's over and then they just pull you back in for more.

2. I love nature...

3. I am a Virgo...

4. I am one of those that has to see in order to hear... although I can hear in the dark...

I am just reading your lips, I am not that horny... maybe... Lick them and let's see where it takes us, lol...

5. I am a great listener, although I sometimes over relate... It's not that I am making things about myself... The empath in me just doesn't know how to stay out ...

6. I love to read., especially while listening to the music that inspired it... It gets me into the minds of the writer and their characters.

7. I have been to Atlantis on an excursion during a cruise to the Bahamas.

8. I love the feel of a gentle breeze creeping across my face and neck on a warm Spring day or beach...

9. I love dancing, although that seems to have become a thing of the past.

10. I am an observer... I don't usually interact much publicly... People are fascinating... Have you ever tried to guess their story just by how they carry themselves? And then try to think of what they are truly like... If they are actually being themselves or showing people a projection of who they'd like to be...

I prefer to go unnoticed in public... Not that I don't like to mingle or am unfriendly... It has just been my way most of my life...

But if you strike a conversation, or my curiosity gets the best of me, then you may need to find your way out of a never-ending conversation...

Tagging:

@pixie88 @aussieez @munstysmind @chickensarentcheap @tragiclyhip

@princess-geek @ezekielbhandarivalleros @bebepac

@jerzwriter @angelasscribbles @sillydg @karahalloway

@twinkleallnight @gkittylove99 @texaskitten30 @rafasgirl23415

@phoenixrising308 @kingliam2019 @busywoman @l0nely-lynx

[sassiperere]

Sex Tape

Title: Sex Tape Pairing: Akira Kurusu/Ryuji Sakamoto Rating: M (implied sexual content) Word Count: 3712 Summary: futaba gets a hold of some compromising information and it all goes downhill from there (chatfic)

Fucking i dont even REMEMBER how we got to this conversation in the pegoryu discord server BUT WE DID and we semi rpd this whole thing at 11pm all the way through midnight and i was writing this thing based on that conversation at like 2 am so im actually very embarrassed but anyway enjoy this fucking chaos of a fanfic

READ IT ON AO3

GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

MEMBERS: Capable Leader™, -` RYUJI ´-, ANN~, Yusuke K., Makoto, [hacker voice].

TODAY 00:47 AM

[hacker voice]: Gee, futaba, what do you do with all your amazing hacking skills?

[hacker voice]: I leak government secrets, destroy anonymous organizations and hack into my old neopets account because I forgot the password and I wanted to feel nostalgic

Makoto: What’s that?

[hacker voice]: children’s website. You had to adopt a “neopet” and raise it kinda like a Tamagotchi. It had some really fun features like games and events and shit. It really kept me entertained when I was younger

[hacker voice]: comfort site, if you will.

Makoto: Sounds nice!

Capable Leader™: you played that? I thought it was really boring when I tried

[hacker voice]: with all due respect wtf is wrong with you?

Capable Leader™: I dunno, all the neopets looked kinda ugly…

[hacker voice]: you have a dick with tentacles as a persona and you’re calling neopets ugly????

Capable Leader™: I never said Mara was pretty

[hacker voice]: point taken

[hacker voice]: but like my point is

[hacker voice]: kacheeks

Capable Leader™: They were kinda cute but I abandoned one for a soy sauce or whatever was that dragon one

[hacker voice]: that’s it

[hacker voice]: that’s where I draw the line

[hacker voice]: you’re dead to me

[hacker voice]: I’m leaking your nudes

Capable Leader™: WTF?? HOW DO YOU HAVE THEM?? I DON’T EVEN HIDE THEM IN MY PHONE ANYMORE??

[hacker voice]: oh my god you actually have nudes?

Capable Leader™: oh…

Capable Leader™: woops…

ANN~: knew it

ANN~: @ -` RYUJI ´- pay the fuck up

-` RYUJI ´-: wtf? WTF??? WTF AKIRA???

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE NUDES??

-` RYUJI ´-: ARE THEY YOURS OR LIKE NUDES YOU RECEIVED?

Capable Leader™: Listen

[hacker voice]: update I got them

Capable Leader™: do you really?

[hacker voice]: four of them were taken on the same day cause your nails were painted black and the other two are from a different angle and your underwear has paw prints on it

Capable Leader™: fuck.

-` RYUJI ´-: FOR REAL??

Makoto: Excuse me what kind of nonsense is going on right now?

[hacker voice]: I hacked into Akira’s PC and got his super secret dick pix

Makoto: I expected better from both of you

ANN~: Guys I’m heer im just slaughging so hard I cant se

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?? WHO ARE YOU SENDING THEM TO??

Capable Leader™: does it matter who I send my genitals to?

-` RYUJI ´-: UH YEAH?? I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAN I??

Yusuke K.: What seems to be the matter?

-` RYUJI ´-: AKIRAS BEEN SENDING NUDES TO STRANGERS AND FUTABA GOT THEM

Yusuke K.: Akira I did not know you had nude portraits of yourself

Yusuke K.: You should have informed me. I would gladly appraise them.

Yusuke K.: I would love to paint you too, if you so desire. I’m sure your form is marvelous to capture on canvas.

-` RYUJI ´-: dude…

ANN~: I FEEL BAD THAT IM LAUGHING

Makoto: @Yusuke K. it’s really not what you think…

[hacker voice]: ryuji are you

[hacker voice]: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealous?

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: the blonde fuckboy one

the blonde fuckboy one: yo futaba

the blonde fuckboy one: do you actually for real have akiras dick there?

You: YOU ARE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

the blonde fuckboy one: stfu

You: yeah I do have akira’s nudes for real, here I’ll send you a sneaky preview as proof

You sent AKIRA_NUDE_1_CENSOR.jpeg

the blonde fuckboy one: oh my god

You: interested in the full, uncensored ver? For a mere fee of 400y you can have it

the blonde fuckboy one: no wtf im not gonna do that to my bro akira

the blonde fuckboy one: but how big is he

You: im speechless

the blonde fuckboy one: is he bigger than me?

You: dunno need material to compare

the blonde fuckboy one: ok

the blonde fuckboy one: wait

the blonde fuckboy one: youre gonna threaten to leak mine too fuck you

You: worth a shot

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: Emo Bob Ross

Emo Bob Ross: Hello, Futaba, I am interested in Akira’s nude portraits. Are you perhaps offering them?

Emo Bob Ross: Ryuji did say Akira was sending them off to strangers so I would imagine he has no quarrel with me evaluating it.

Emo Bob Ross: Should I pick them up at Leblanc?

You: I don’t even know where to start

Emo Bob Ross: Any of them would be fine. It would be difficult to take multiple ones to the dorms regardless.

You: I feel bad now

Emo Bob Ross: ?

You: yusuke… you should go to bed…

You: you’re typing a lot please don’t make this into an art rant thing

Emo Bob Ross: Futaba must I explain once again that nude portraits have no perverted undertones and are about the portrayal of the human being stripped of all it’s factors back down to it’s core, thus revealing it’s innermost self? The true self. The self an artist so desperately seeks to represent and very few up to this date have been successful. My eternal search for the perfect and realest form has me in need of diverse- both physically and spiritually – models that are willing to bare their very souls to me. I am not looking at this experience as a lustful, carnal desire. I would never dare take advantage of someone who has been brave enough to let me gaze upon their being so intimately for the sake of art. We have been through this. I have been through this with several people, in actuality, I’m starting to get a little tired of explaining this over and over again but for the sake of deconstruction of societal standards that block my advancement in the unexplored road to artistic perfection I will gladly do so.

You: holy shit

You: im sorry yusuke but its 1 am im just skimming through this

You: the thing is not that I doubt your passion to your study of the arts

You: the thing is that what I have… is not art…

Emo Bob Ross: I’ll be the judge of that

Emo Bob Ross: Not to offend you but I have a trained eye

You: you know what

You: do you have 400y? For that much you can have the digital copy. Physical copy is gonna be at least 600 depending on the material

Emo Bob Ross: I’m low on cash but I’ll keep you in mind if I manage to rake in the money.

 GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

[hacker voice]: @Capable Leader™ lets make a deal

[hacker voice]: give me a copy of every nude you make willingly and I wont leak these

Capable Leader™: why tf would I do that

[hacker voice]: cause your dick is magical and I’ll split the spoils 20/80

Makoto: Stop this at once. There’s no way this deal is good news. Akira knows this.

Capable Leader™: I demand at LEAST 50/50

Makoto: AKIRA

[hacker voice]: I deserve more?? I’m doing ALL the work?

Capable Leader™: It’s MY dick??

-` RYUJI ´-: he’s right tho… the dick is like 90% of a man’s identity…

ANN~: Whats the other 10%?

-` RYUJI ´-: the balls

ANN~: I’m sorry I asked

[hacker voice] 40/60 is the MAX im willing to go and that’s me being GENEROUS because I recognize you have magic juju dick pix that already fished in two possible buyers

[hacker voice]: and also youre my friend and I love you

-` RYUJI ´-: I never said I’d buy it???

[hacker voice]: sigh

Capable Leader™: Ryuji…

-` RYUJI ´-: UH

Capable Leader™: Bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: I MEAN

Capable Leader™: If you wanted my nudes…

-` RYUJI ´-: I ALSO ENVER SAID I ASKED FUTABA FOR THEM DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA

Capable Leader™: You just had to ask…

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE BIGGER THAN ME THAT’S A MAN THING

-` RYUJI ´-: wait really

ANN~: omfg

Makoto: I feel like this conversation is about to get very intimate

Yusuke K.: I would like to request permission to ask for your nudes as well, Akira

Capable Leader™: oh

Capable Leader™: well that’s a surprising turn of events

Yusuke K.: I fail to see how that surprises you considering you know how I am a fan of the erotica genre and it’s artistic disposition to strip a human bare to it’s very core.

-` RYUJI ´-: no dude…

-` RYUJI ´-: like this is not the nude art thing you keep talking about...

-` RYUJI ´-: this is like

Capable Leader™: (implying I’m not art)

[hacker voice]: touché

-` RYUJI ´-: a dick pic

-` RYUJI ´-: like its just a picture of his dick taken with his phone camera that’s it

Yusuke K.: Well, anything can be art! Art is subjective! I would like to evaluate the photograph!

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN MAN, AKIRA DIDN’T TAKE THAT PICTURE TO BE ARTSY, TRUST ME.

Makoto: Yusuke I strongly advise against this

Makoto: If anyone online offers to send you “a nude” please do not accept it…

Yusuke K.: It does intrigue me why anyone would simply want a picture of someone else’s genitalia when you could get the full view…

Makoto: remain intrigued

Makoto: not everything in life needs to be understood

Capable Leader™: Hey Futaba, I accept payment in Ryuji’s nudes as well

[hacker voice]: the contract has been sealed

-` RYUJI ´-: WTF AKIRA

-` RYUJI ´-: I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS

Capable Leader™: Come on, Ryuji… my bro…

Capable Leader™: This is just a bro thing…

Capable Leader™: Whomst amongst us never seen their best bro’s dick?

Capable Leader™: You’re my best bro, Ryuji… I wanna get to know every part of you…

Makoto: this is a public chat

[hacker voice]: gross

Capable Leader™: The very deep and intimate connection between two bros is nothing to hide, Makoto…

ANN~: You should hang out and deepen your bond

[hacker voice]: don’t think I don’t know what youre doing ann, that’s cheating

ANN~: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: If you wanted MY nudes bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: you could have just asked, bro….

Makoto: I can’t believe this is a thing that is happening right now

ANN~: ive turned off the TV this group chat is too lit for me to take my eyes off it

Makoto: it’s 2 am we should prepare to bed

Capable Leader™: [MESSAGE DELETED]

[hacker voice]: FUCK

ANN~: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS IM RAKING IT IN TONIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

ANN~: WAIT WHAT

Capable Leader™: what? I didn’t delete that?

ANN~: FUTABA THATS CHEATING!!

[hacker voice]: YOU CHEATED FIRST! YOU INSTIGATED HIM!

ANN~: I INSTIGATED THE IDEA BUT NOT WHO WOULD BE SAYING IT???

[hacker voice]: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ANN~: SAY IT AGAIN AKIRA

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´- come over

[hacker voice]: I hate that im partially to blame for this

-` RYUJI ´-: woah akira

ANN~: no bitch no matter how this conversation went it would end the same way cause im ALWAYS RIGHT

ANN~: I’m making it rain Monday morning. I’m taking Shiho to that fancy cake place she wanted to go.

-` RYUJI ´-: isn’t it kinda late for that??

Capable Leader™: I’m alone and Boss doesn’t open shop tomorrow

Capable Leader™: I can show you the goods myself

Capable Leader™: You know?

-` RYUJI ´-: SDSDMX,X CM SALÇ DAÇSD

-` RYUJI ´-: DID YOUJUST BOOTY CALL ME??

Capable Leader™ sent MAYBESO.gif

-` RYUJI ´-: BRO

Makoto: Gross innuendos publicly aside: finally

Makoto: It was getting frustrating seeing you two obviously pinning on each other

[hacker voice]: and don’t even talk about the baton passes…

Capable Leader™: I mean he hasn’t accepted yet…

ANN~: oh he will

ANN~: he better

-` RYUJI ´-: why should you decide

ANN~: cause as your best friend I know whats best for you and I know for a damn fact you will not get a better score than akira

-` RYUJI ´-: thanks I love you too

ANN~: FUCKING LOOK AT HIM! HE’S OFFERING HIMSELF ON A SILVER PLATTER!

-` RYUJI ´-: THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD FOR ME MAN…

ANN~: don’t embarrass yourself in front of your crush like that

Capable Leader™: I like when they get shy

ANN~: oh my god youre such a slut

Capable Leader™: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

ANN~: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL IN THE CHATROOM GO ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED BOOTY CALL ALREADY

-` RYUJI ´-: IM REALLY NERVOUS OK

ANN~: RYUJI YOU USELESS BISEXUAL

-` RYUJI ´-: GDI

Capable Leader™: you don’t have to come for real it was just a joke

ANN~:  wait really?

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´-

Capable Leader™: wait is he actually coming??

[hacker voice]: yeah he left 5 mins I traced his phone rn

Capable Leader™: oh fuck…..

ANN~: was it actually a joke??

Capable Leader™: No I just didn’t think I’d actually get this far??

ANN~: YOURE BOTH USELESS BISEXUALS AND I HATE YOU

Yusuke K.: Akira may I join you both? If you’re willing to model for me I will certainly not pass on this opportunity

Makoto: Please don’t.

Capable Leader™: oh my god yusuke

Capable Leader™: not today

Capable Leader™: maybe some other day

Capable Leader™: wink wink

Yusuke K.: I understand. Take all the time you need but please consider my request.

[hacker voice]: I can’t believe Ryuji’s about to get the succ

[hacker voice]: according to my gps ryuji should already be at leblanc??

Capable Leader™: oh he’s here alright. Just nervously prancing in front of my front door.

Capable Leader™: I haven’t called to him yet, let a man be ready

Capable Leader™: (I also don’t know if im fully ready so…)

ANN~: oh grl you got this

ANN~: you’ve been training all your life for this

ANN~: besides its not like hes gonna know the difference between a good bj and a bad bj lol

Capable Leader™: youre right

Capable Leader™: but I also you know, care about him a lot

Capable Leader™: I wanna make this a good experience cause I care about ryuji a lot… like in a very gay way…

ANN~: Aww!! :)

Makoto: I want to take no part in this conversation but that was adorable

ANN~: srsly im talking to ryuji rn on private and hes freaking out cause of the same thing

ANN~: wants it to be really good to you bc he loves you sm and youre so hot and hes already semi just thinking abt you

Capable Leader™: I’m flattered

ANN~: he’s super overwhelmed cause its his first time and with a boy he loves so like admsadsa damn ryuji youre so cute

ANN~: almost makes my cold blooded bitch heart feel something

Capable Leader™: I’ll give him all the time he needs!

ANN~: you should really open the door for him and at least put him inside cause its cold and there was a robbery in your street earlier this week

ANN~: and you know ryuji hell stubbornly stand in front of that store until the sun comes up if hes wallowing in nerves

Capable Leader™: youre right…

Capable Leader™: im gonna go do that…

Capable Leader™: @[hacker voice] if you have any cameras in my room turn them off!

[hacker voice]: for how much?

Capable Leader™: FUTABA, PLEASE.

[hacker voice]: calm down theyre already off. Havent been on since we became friends.

[hacker voice]: just thought youd like to have your fond memories engraved on tape for your enjoyment…

Capable Leader™: …

Capable Leader™: that’s… tempting

Makoto: are you out of your mind??

ANN~: YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT, AKIRA

Makoto: God, you’re hopeless. At least talk it over with Ryuji first.

Capable Leader™: I just did. He’s cool with it.

Makoto: Somehow I feel like this is an oversimplification of the conversation.

Capable Leader™ changed his username to Tapable Leader <3

Tapable Leader <3 changed the group name to AKIRA & RYUJI’S SEX TAPE

Makoto: I’m leaving.

Makoto: Only talk to me when you want to group up from now on.

-` RYUJI ´-: I ONLY AGREED WITH IT IF ONLY ME AND AKIRA GET A COPY!!

-` RYUJI ´-: ITS ONLY FAIR CONSIDERING YOU’RE ALREADY SELLING AKIRA’S NUDES!!

[hacker voice]: I’ll make three copies of the sex tape

[hacker voice]: 600y each

[hacker voice]: first come first serve

[hacker voice]: no reservations

[hacker voice]: you show me the money the tape is yours

[hacker voice]: those are my terms

Tapable Leader <3: even if Ryuji and I get copies there’ll still be one in the wild for someone to buy?

ANN~: isn’t that thrilling tho

ANN~: one other stranger youll never know about can be watching you

ANN~: and if futaba agrees to take down any reuploads of the tape its like your very own secret but like… shared with a stranger… that’s a kink isn’t it??

[hacker voice]: yure right…

Tapable Leader <3: holy shit

Makoto: This is so irresponsible…

[hacker voice]: thought you wanted no part in this?

Makoto: I can’t simply not take part. You guys are worse unsupervised…

Tapable Leader <3: Futaba, it’s a deal if mine and Ryuji’s copies are free of charge

[hacker voice]: fair enough

Tapable Leader <3: nice. We’re going upstairs now.

[hacker voice]: camera’s ready!

ANN~: lmao I cant believe this is actually happening

Makoto: so much for reputable thieves…

Makoto: I swear if this sex tape leaks and we get found out because of it…

Makoto: What’s worse! Akira’s on probation! That will most definitely spell trouble for him depending on who gets their hands on this tape!

ANN~: Guess we have no choice but to buy it ourselves!

Makoto: Or don’t do the sex tape?! At all?!

ANN~: Nothing’s gonna happen, Makoto! Chillax!

ANN~: How can they possibly trace a video of Akira sucking Ryuji off back to the phantom thieves?

ANN~: What kind of evidence even is this?

[hacker voice]: Akira’s jacked??? I didn’t know he worked out that much??

ANN~: he looks really skinny right?

ANN~: did ryuji come with his stupid neon pink and green watermelon bullshit panties?

[hacker voice]: they stopped to talk rn

[hacker voice]: ryujis like flipping

[hacker voice]: asking if akira had done this before

[hacker voice]: apparently akira has sucked “some dicks”

[hacker voice]: AT LEAST TWO ARE FROM HIS CLASS

Makoto: Do you really need to keep us updated?

ANN~: yes

Makoto: sigh

[hacker voice]: @ANN~ ryuji’s wearing the pink underwear

ANN~: god I hate those

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 burn them when youre done

[hacker voice]: I hate doing this. This is just like when you’re watching a movie and there’s a unnecessary kissing scene and the entire scene is like 3 minutes of uncomfortable schlepping kissing noises.

ANN~: yeah that must be pretty awkward

[hacker voice]: it is super awkward. Akira owes me one

[hacker voice]: oh my god

[hacker voice]: ryuji scared the crap outta me he legit screamed right now

[hacker voice]: I don’t even need mics for this ryuji’s so loud

ANN~: whaaat? Ryuji? Loud?? Who would have thought…

-` RYUJI ´-: IM SORRY OK IM REALLY LIVID HERE

ANN~: WTF???? WHAT AR EYOU DOING TEXTING US???

-` RYUJI ´-: IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!!

ANN~: YOURE USELESS. I CANT BELIEVE YOU.

Tapable Leader <3: you can pull my hair, its fine

ANN~: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING EVEN??

Makoto: It’s been a while since we got an update.

[hacker voice]: do you want em?

Makoto: No, I simply worry how long this is lasting.

[hacker voice]: it’s gotten to a really graphic point. I’m not even watching anymore, its really really awkward… if you want the full juice you’ll have to buy the tape!

[hacker voice]: oh theyre done

[hacker voice]: they just threw the dirty clothes on the floor and went straight to sleep

[hacker voice]: orgasming must be really tiring…

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- CONGRATS ON THE SECS!! We’re all really happy for you!! You guys deserve each other, really! If anyone says otherwise I’ll punch them!

Makoto: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- regardless of how reckless and utterly stupid this whole thing was, I’m genuinely glad you guys worked it out and are finally being honest with each other. It was awfully unhealthy for the team dynamic to watch you two dance around the issue of your attraction so, congratulations!

[hacker voice]: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- im not as good with expressing things as the other girls but im also happy I somehow brought you two together. Don’t worry I wont actually sell the sex tapes to anyone btw

[hacker voice]: (or will i)

ANN~: omfg

[hacker voice]: Yusuke’s typing a lot im concerned

Yusuke K.: I did not fully grasp the concept of what was truly going on in this chat tonight but after extensive research and questioning Ann on certain topics I now understand. Futaba’s attempts at prostituting Akira have somehow led into a nuptial encounter between Akira and Ryuji, the kind of which both parties have been secretly interested in for a long time. I also congratulate you both in your achievement for the act of intimacy born from fondness and admiration is one of the truest forms of adoration our kind have come across. I only wish for more of these enjoyable moments and if any of you would be so kind as to model for me the most beautiful sensation of your endless love I would be very thankful.

[hacker voice]: holy shit

[hacker voice]: just looking at this is making my eyes heavy

[hacker voice]: im going to sleep folks

ANN~: same

ANN~: we have to wake up before ryuji and akira to surprise them at leblanc

ANN~: we’ll bring a congrats on the sex cake

[hacker voice]: I’m in

Makoto: guess it won’t hurt to check on them

Yusuke K.: I would love to discuss this over some cake!

ANN~: deal, then! Good night, thieves <3

-` RYUJI ´-: you fuckers are gonna see some dicks

ANN~: that’s the plan dapper dan

ANN~: now go to bed!

thx for your time i hope you enjoyed it ideas that we did in the rp and i couldnt find a way to put here: > futaba leaks the nudes on the phan site > mishima warns akira of the thing and says he has a nice package > akira gets arrested for publicly posting pornography and akechi recognized him by the dick > "whats wrong with a little dick pic" "its not little" > makoto buys a copy of the akira/ryuji sex tape and resells it at school > mishima buys a copy

[geekade]

Geeky DIY Halloween Costumes: 2017 Edition

There are so many things to love about Halloween, but the thing that warms my geeky little heart is the costumes. It’s the one time of year that cosplay is acceptable in more mainstream environments. If you’re a fellow costume enthusiast, you’ll likely fall into one of two camps. The first contains those who plan and work on their costumes year-round, devoting all their spare time and energy into it. God bless you, you passionate lunatics, I envy your skill, creativity, and free time. The latter are more like me; we love costumes but don’t have much in the way of time, money, talent, or all three. If you fall in this camp, you might think it’s too late for you. Well, as my favorite Lex Luthor ever once said…

In general, the best Halloween costumes are easily recognizable for what they are and specific to the year you wear them in. Of course, there are time-honored classics, but if you’re going to do it, I say make it count. The best costumes for people like us are easy to make and affordable. And even though it’s October already and the costume shops are likely all sold out of the “good” options, there’s still plenty of time to make something cool yourself.

Closet Cosplay: Snag yourself a WW logo tee (available at Kohls, Walmart, and Amazon) and pair it with navy leggings or jeggings. Slap your most ass-kicking calf-high boots and as many gold/bronze bangles as you can find. Complete the look with a take-no-shit expression.

Upgrades:

If your leggings are expendable, do some white stars up the sides with fabric paint.

Or swap out leggings for a No-sew tutu, search pinterest and take your pick of tutu-orials. (wear over short-shorts, these tutus usually don’t provide modesty)

Take a cue from fellow Geekader Sam Ahearn, who custom-made a tiara and wrist gauntlets for my daughter using felt, hot glue, glitter, elastic, and velcro. This would also work for a belt.

If you’re feeling really ambitious, boot covers really add something special to your look and aren’t too hard to make.

Closet Cosplay: This long sleeve fitness shirt is a decent approximation of the Spidey’s look in this year’s cinematic offering. If you’re feeling too bashful for tights, go with blue workout pants. A red gloves and ski mask combo can finish off this one, especially if you’re willing to use a little black marker to add detail.

Upgrades:

Have the confidence? Wear the tights, my good man, and more power to you

Boot covers aren’t just for ladies, some red ones will work for this look too.

If you’re into building things, check out tutorials to make your own wrist web shooter, like this one.

Closet Cosplay: Both characters have a lot of costumes in this year's Breath of the Wild, but the simplest to recreate is the basic look. For either, start with a long sleeve shirt and pants in white, tan, or brown. For Link, top with an oversized teal tee shirt and a brown belt over the shirt at your waist. For Zelda, go with a more feminine cut top. Add a white tank over top of it and tuck the straps and upper third under to mimic a corset and complete with the widest brown belt you can find. Finish off either look with brown boots and some DIY cardboard weapons. Bonus points if you do this as a couples costume.

Upgrades:

Strap it up. Do a google image search, these costumes actually involve a bunch of straps crossing the body, so if you can find some extra belts or scraps of brown fabric, all the better.

Elf ears from a Halloween store will give you that subtle Hylean look that sets you apart from Peter Pan.

Use some white fabric paint on your blue layer to recreate details from the in-game looks.

Closet Cosplay: This is one is especially great for kids, but works for any age. The inklings in the game all tend to dress in fairly casual, slightly oversized skater gear or athletic wear. With a parent's permission, have fun with some funky spray-on hair color and some wacky styling. If you have one, use your biggest most ridiculous water gun as a prop. If not, check if any stores near you have any summer toys on clearance.

Upgrades:

A neon colored wig from a Halloween store can really bump up this look. 

DIY an ink tank like this one to wear on your back and hold extra candy in.

Grab some pals, color coordinate your outfits and weaponry, and show up as a team!

Closet Cosplay: Not only has Hulu’s adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s classic has been a huge hit, but the costumes have been widely seen in public, as some have taken to wearing them as a form of political protest. Therefore, this is definitely a highly recognizable and very current costume and it’s also ridiculously easy to pull off. The basics are a drapey red garment that covers the whole body and a white bonnet. The former can be achieved by making a cape from any large red piece of fabric you can get your hands on or by wearing a long sleeved modest top and long skirt, both in red. Check your closet or your local thrift shop. Create the latter by attaching some white posterboard (the bigger the better) to a white painters cap, available for cheap at most craft and hardware stores. Complete with a dour facial expression.

Upgrades:

DIY your bonnet for a more authentic look using a pattern like this one

Halloween stores everywhere mean you can find a proper red cloak pretty easily this time of year.

Add a plain canvas bag. Stitching up a totebag is one of the easiest sewing projects there is.

Closet Cosplay: Once GoT’s costumer revealed her source for the Night’s Watch furry capes, it became an instant meme and a DIYer’s dream. The key to taking the black is, unsurprisingly, wearing lots of black. Black pants, black shirt, black belt, black cape, black gloves. (No hat though. Anybody else notice that? People in the north rarely cover their heads. WTF is up with that?) You don’t have to use the officially sanctioned IKEA product, use any shaggy rug you can find, spray it black if need be, and throw it around your shoulders. This look goes best with five o’clock shadow and a surly expression.

Upgrades:

If you’re willing to make the investment,  here are IKEA’s official instructions on making the furry cape.

As with the Link/Zelda costume, the more straps, the better.

As Adult Halloween is mostly about costumes and drinking, make sure to get yourself a fun tankard or drinking horn to carry around/clip to your belt.

Closet Cosplay: If the Season 7 malarkey surrounding the death of SPOILER didn’t put you off watching the show, this one may be for you. It’s easy to put together from existing pieces in your wardrobe but iconic enough to be reconizable. Jeans, leather jacket, and a red scarf (or even a bandana) around the neck are the key pieces. Don’t forget Lucille! DIY some barbed wire using dark yarn and this tutorial and wrap it around any old baseball bat you have.

Upgrades:

If you’re not going to need the bat again, might as well bloody it up with some fake blood from a Halloween store.

This is one where a group costume can work well. If your friends are into it, check out images from Season 7 to have your friends find their lookalikes in the cast. Bonus points if anyone can pull off a Glenn or Abraham look.

Closet Cosplay: Season 5, which aired this summer, definitely went outside the norm for this show and the costumes ran the gamut, so there are lots of options to choose from. Start with the basic khaki look (you can a set of khaki scrubs anywhere pretty cheap) and make your own ID badge, or go without. Accessorize with a gray or white undershirt (long or short sleeve) or gray hoodie. This is really one of the easiest, comfiest costumes out there.

Upgrades:

Modify the look based on any of the character’s variations on the uniform. For sexy, try Flaca & Maritza’s schoolgirl looks. Add glasses and go for Alex’s sleeveless Rosie the Riveter version. Crazy short hair and thrift store glasses on a chain can turn you into Red. The possibilities are endless.

For another variation, use black pants, a blue button down shirt, and your own accessories to make a modified C.O.’s uniform like Cindy or Allison.

Closet Cosplay: It couldn’t be easier to recreate the look from Rick & Morty’s most popular season 3 episode. All you need are green clothes, green face paint, a green ski cap, and a bad attitude. For true authenticity, you’ll have to lay on the ground and only move by rolling around, so it’s a great choice if you just wanna be lazy.

Upgrades:

You can go as nuts as you want with the mods on this one and they’ll all work, since Pickle Rick’s existence went through multiple stages. Try Halloween stores for fake bones and blood to dress up your costume. Various crafting scraps can help with the look of his repurposed vermin limbs. Use gray/pink socks and gloves for the hands and feet.

Don’t forget his accessories. You’ll need a brown belt with a couple of holsters containing giant batteries and his shoulder mounted laser cannon. Use your imagination and a lot of cardboard and spray paint.

Extra bonus points if you get a teenage kid to follow you around wearing a yellow shirt and jeans.

Whatever you choose to go as, have fun this Halloween. I’d love to see what you dress up as, so tweet me pics!