#i need a better angle of ii stat

[sleepytoken]

[jupitermelichios]

DC: The High-School AU: The Series: The Staff (the musical)

So I finally cast the school staff and teachers for my DC High School AU, which I thought some of you would have some fun with! I took the subject list from a fairly fancy looking private school, because only schools you have to pay for have their subject lists online, so I’m probably offering way more classes than your average state school, but hey, it’s my AU and I wanted to cram in as many supervillains, obscure heroes, and bad jokes as possible.

Admin & Staff

Principle - Amanda Waller

Deputy Principle & Treasurer - Noah Kuttler (the Calculator)

Nurse - Myra Mason (she was Dr Midnite’s nurse and love interest in the 40s & 50s, then got fridged, but I’m unfridging her and giving her a job with much better survival prospects)

Councillor - Ethel Peabody (she’s a psychiatrist from the Gotham TV show, and also in my headcanon, Amanda Waller’s sister)

Librarian - Stanislaus Johns (The Librarian. I considered bookworm for this job but he’s literally called the Librarian, what was I supposed to do, not use him?)

Admin Staff - Laura Conway (Superman supporting cast and occaisional vampire), Mabel Martin (Riddler’s secretary), Theresa Collins (Goldstar, also Booster Gold’s secretary)

Business

Loren Jupiter (aka Mr Jupiter the richest and therefore most thrustworthy man in the world) - Business 101, Business Law, Entrepreneurship

Wesley Dodds (Sandman) - Business Communications

Annabeth Chamberlain (Brimstone) - Marketing, Hospitality & Tourism (she doesn’t work in tourism, but I figure anyone who can waitress while also having the power to set people on fire and damn them to hell and keeps her job probably knows a whole lot about customer service)

Family & Consumer Science

Miss Tribb (Lobo’s childhood teacher who inexplicably survived the extinction of their species) - Childhood Developement, Early Childhood Education

Neil Richards (The Mad Mod) - Texiles/Sewing, Fashion

Tenzil Kem (Matter-Eater Lad) - Food & Nutrition

Finance

Noah Kuttler (The Calculator) - Personal Finance

Foreign Languages

Matron Bertinelli (Nu52 Huntress, who I’m declaring a sepperate character and the aunt of pre-52 Huntress because they’re radically different characters and I like both of them) - ASL, Italian

Chang Jie-Ru (Nu52 Yo-Yo) - Chinese, AP Chinese

Yolanda Montez (Wildcat II) - Spanish, AP Spanish

Barbara Minerva (Cheetah) - Latin

Health Sciences

Myra Mason - Emergency Medical Responder training

Charles McNider (Dr Midnite) - Anatomy & Physiology, Health Class

IT

Brian Durlin (Savant) - Computer Programming, Web Dev

Jennifer Lyn-Hayden (Jade) - Digital Art 101

Arnold Wesker (Ventriloquist) - 3D Animation, 3D Graphics (I don’t know why but the idea of Wesker as an animator just tickled me. Obviously his real passion is stop-motion, but he learnt 3D because there were more jobs)

English (the fancy private school called this ‘language arts’ which is so prentious it makes me feel slightly nauseous)

Wesley Dodds (Sandman) - English Language, AP English Language

Rac Shade (Shade the Changing Man) - English Literature, AP English Literature

Chloe Sullivan (the worst character in the Smallville TV show, a hotly contested position) - English Language, Communications 101, supervises the School Paper and the Yearbook

Shelly Gaynore (The Whip III) - Englist Literature, Creative Writing

Basil Karlo (Clayface) - Intro to Shakespeare

Nick Scratch (officially his supervillain name is just Scratch, but I refuse to consider that a code-name, looking at you Drake) - Communications 102: Public Speaking

Mathematics (which has a 100% villain make-up, which seems accurate from what I remember of high-school maths)

Noah Kuttler (The Calculator, because I think I’m funny) - Pre-Calc, Calculus, AP Calculus

Harlan Graves (The Underbroker) - Stats, Algebra 1, Algebra 2

Angelo Bend (Angle Man, becuase I know I’m funny) - Geometry, Trigonometry

PE (I realise this is probably too many PE teachers but there are a lot more caonical althetes than just about any other job in the DCU except maybe scientist)

Lawrence Crock (Sportsmaster, you knew this was coming) - Gym, Weight Training, coaches Baseball, Basketball, Tennis & Hockey

Lisa Snart (Golden Glider) - joint-coaches Cheerleading, coaches the Drill Team, Wrestling

Randy Hanrahan (Stallion) - PE, joint-coaches Cheerleading & Cross-Country, coaches Football

William Everett (Amazing Man) - PE, joint-coaches Cross-Country, coaches Track & Field

Matron Bertinelli (Huntress, sort of) - coaches Soccer & gymnastics

Performing Arts

Lisa Snart (Golden Glider) - Dance

Hartley Rathaway (Pied Piper) - Music 101, Music Theory, Composition, teaches Guitar & Percussion

Isaac Bowin (The Fiddler) - Music 101, AP Music Theory, leads Jazz Band, Orchestra, Marching Band

Siobhan Smyth (Silver Banshee) - part-time, leads the Choir and teaches singing

Basil Karlo (Clayface) - Theatre, Theatre 101

Simon Trent (Grey Ghost) - Theatre, Theatre 101, Film Studies

Ted Kord (Blue Beetle) - Theatre Tech

Mary Louise Dahl (Baby-Doll, from B:TAS) - Film Studies, Video Production

Betty Bates (Lady-at-Law, who is technically owned by DC now due to corporate buy-outs) - Debate

Science (do you have any idea how hard it is to pin down areas of specialisation for comic book scientists? TNT is on this list entirely because he’s the only actual honest-to-god professional chemist I could find)

Kirk Langstrom (ManBat) - Biology, AP Biology

Pamela Isley (Poison Ivy) - Biology, Environmental Science

Thomas “Tex” Thomas (TNT) - Chemistry

Achilles Milo (Professor Milo, again not really much of a code name) - Chemistry, AP Chemistry

Will Magnus (I refuse to even dignify it as a code-name) - Physics, Earth Sciences

Ray Palmer (The Atom) - Physics, AP Physics

Adam Strange (DC is just doing this to fuck with me, personally) - Astronomy

Social Studies & Humanities

Barbara Minerva (Cheetah) - World History

Maxie Zeus (ffs) - World History, AP World History (fun fact, Maxie was canonically just a normal history teacher before he got lightning powers, became convinced he was Zeus incarnate, and set out to become a criminal, making him my favourite DC mobster by a country mile)

Terry Long (aka one of the only characters to really deserve to get fridged) - US History, AP European History

Eobard Thawne (every code-name he has is stupid, but lets just go with Reverse-Flash as the least awful option) - US History, AP US History

Nick Scratch - US Government, AP US Government, AP Comparative Politics

Rex Tyler (Hourman) - AP Art History

Magdalene Kyle-Burton (Sister Zero, she’s a sometimes-nun and a sometimes-sister to Catwoman) - Comparative Religion

Michael Carter (Booster Gold) - Economics, AP Microeconomics, AP Macroeconomics

Jonathan Crane (Scarecrow) - Psychology (there is exactly one heroic psychiatrist in all of comics, and I’d already used Dr Fate elsewhere. Scarecrow seemed like the least bad option of the remaining pool for being around children, and he does at least have teaching experience)

Adam Strange - Sociology

Betty Bates (Lady-at-Law) - Law

Richard Occult/Rose Psychic (it’s complicated, lets just say Dr Occult and leave it at that) - part-time, Criminal Justice

Technology & Engineering

Ted Kord (Blue Beetle) - Electronics, CAD, Woodworking

John Henry Irons (Steel) - Engineering, Metalworking

Will Magnus - Robotics

Visual Arts

Linda Lee/Danvers (she’s Supergirl, but I’m making her a different character from Kara Danvers/Kent because the DCU is really short on artists and I needed someone to teach the damn class, although the only thing that really makes her distinct from other supergirls is that she fucked a horse that one time and IDK how that will translate into a personality...) - Ceramics, AP Studio Art: 3D Design, Art 101

Rex Tyler (Hourman) - Graphic Design, Drawing, AP Studio Art: Drawing

Jack Knight (Starman) - Painting, AP Studio Art: 2D Design, Art 101

Jennifer Lyn-Hayden (Jade) - Photography

So there you go - I’ll be honest I still don’t really understand how high-schools in the USA work, and I have no idea what Design studio art even is so I kind of assigned those ones at random, but now it’s done and cannot be changed.

As always this universe is open to prompts so if you want a chapter focussing on any of these characters just drop me an ask or a comment and I’ll see what I can do. Making Dr Occult & Rose Psychic a single gender-fluid person is already on my list to do, since that’s who I thought they were for a longest time when I started reading comics and I’m still kind of annoyed that isn’t canonically what’s going on.

[aleapoffaithfiction]

II.

Sarai Nazaire

“You know what I forgot to get while in the city? A pizza. I kept telling myself over and over again that I needed to order a pizza to the hotel and never did. Don’t get me wrong, we have good pizza spots in Atlanta, but there’s nothing like a New York slice. Being that Jesse’s from Chicago, you know they have their own style out there and we debate all the time about which region has the better pizza, but New York takes it by a landslide. Just don’t tell him that I said that.” I stuck the applicator back into the tube of my MAC “Spite” lipglass while she plopped back against the seat in disappointment for having failed to fulfill her craving. I wish she had of said something last night when she decided to travel over from the city to spend her final night on the East Coast at my house. We ordered a couple of dishes from this local Mexican restaurant that left my stomach in shambles throughout the night. I still feel slightly uneasy. Had we gone with a pizza, I probably wouldn’t have had to skip breakfast this morning.

“You’ll be back. We can grab pizza then.”

“I will be. The question is, when are you coming to Atlanta? Come down so we can have some fun in the city. We’re not New York, but the southern hospitality is damn good.”

“As soon as I find the time, I’m on the first flight out there. Contrary to what you believe, I actually enjoy Atlanta. I wouldn’t mind living down there. It’s a great city.” My eyes caught her own as she glanced at me from a side angle and a snide snicker followed to match her mood.

“That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re an east coast girl to the core. I remember when we were in Toronto at All Star. You looked like a fish out of water. I don’t think I can ever see you moving anywhere else for an extended period of time until you’re saggy and old.”

“First of all, just because I’ll be old doesn’t mean that I’ll be saggy. Have you seen Angela Bassett? That’s the goal right there. Second, I do love it up here but I’m not opposed to living elsewhere at some point in my life. It just depends on the circumstances and opportunities. Right now, aside from it being home, it makes perfect sense to be on the east coast. So, until something comes up, this is where I’ll be.” I was the third hire for The Sports Haven and it was a time clenching phone call that came just before I was due to take another opportunity ESPN presented me with out in Los Angeles. I contacted a realtor in hunt for an apartment and intended to return to settle where I’d be residing, but my destiny ended up being in Connecticut. Though I wasn’t mentally prepared to make such a move, I prayed on it, and was ready. I’m sure it may have been my mother’s prayers of desperation to God that kept me here. She dreaded the reality that I wouldn’t be within close proximity to her though I’m not sure why. We’re not in one each other faces much regardless.

“With the position that you have up there at ESPN, I don’t blame you.”

“And once you’re up there with me, we’re going to turn it up. I need a bit more estrogen on that panel from time to time, even though I hold my own against all three of them.”

“That you do sister. That you do.” Our hands met for a high five and I pulled my small mirror out of my traveling case to check and see if I put on enough concealer. I’ve been dealing with sleep deprivation for the past two weeks or so and it’s certainly starting to show in my under-eye area. The seemingly endless hours at work aside, whenever I do have time to myself it’s either invaded by wanted or unwanted plans with the very view people in my life or I’m trying to tie up loose ends that I am not able to do during the week. I’ve considered hiring a personal assistant but I don’t think I’m at a point where I have the potential to become disorganized or worn down just yet. I intend to give it a bit more time.

“Your face looks good. You don’t need to double check anymore.”

“I’m just making sure everything is in place. I refuse to have Linda touching my face today or ever again. I avoid it at all costs.” I’m not one to discriminate against anyone or much of anything for as long as it’s not arming people, but I absolutely do have a bias when it comes to who does my hair and make-up. I need black hands and talent involved in the process at all times. Sure, there’s talent in every ethnic group, but when it comes to those of your own, there’s a certain level of respect and dedication you’re not going to get elsewhere. I know my foundation shade is going to be on point and that the concealer shade won’t have me in front of the camera looking like Casper The Friendly Ghost. My baby hairs are going to be slicked down just right when I’m rocking some braids and the frontal on my wigs will blend into my hairline seamlessly. If it’s one thing that I don’t play around with, it’s my personal presentation and it’s because I know that I’m going to be critiqued the harshest for two specific discrimination types; my blackness and womanhood. During my contract negotiation, EPSN agreed to hire hairstylist Annagjid Taylor, a mutual friend of my sister and myself. I’ve yet to find a make-up artist but until I do, I’ll handle it on my own. Linda can stay out of my dressing room.

“That woman slightly messed up your make up once and you’ve been holding a grudge against her ever since.” I couldn’t join her in the laughter that filled the SUV. My ears, overall face, and neck were three different colors that day and it was beyond obvious. My mother was the first one to call me and ask what the hell was going on and she doesn’t even watch ESPN. Social media had a field day with it.

“And I’m keeping that grudge.”

“I forgot to mention that I saw you speaking with Odell at the party. That’s one of my favorite guys. He has such a humble spirit and he’s super nice.”

“Hm.”

During the time frame when I was researching his career and background, I viewed plenty of interviews where I can easily admit that he exuded a calmness that I did not expect. After having heard so many opposing and confusing opinions about his character, I presumed that he’d be the “push back” style of athlete who deliberately gave reporters a difficult time in drawing information and responses out of him simply because he could. I’ve dealt with many of those types and it takes the patience of God to be able to sit or stand before them without reacting to such brutal attitudes. Marshawn Lynch is a prime example of one, but I’ve gotten used to it and we’ve built up a mutual respect for one another. Beckham Jr., on the other hand, isn’t likely to behave that way. He’ll give you short answers if he’s flustered or dealing with the disappointment of a game loss. You might receive a deliberate straight-faced expression if he’s being asked the same probing question repeatedly, but he’s never disrespected a reporter. I have never come across any bad commentary about an interview with him.

“He’s been wanting to meet you, actually. He spends a lot of time out in L.A. during the off season. While in town last month, I ran into him at an event out there and in the midst of our conversation he asked about you. He thought you were there too. He mentioned something about you two having failed chance encounters. What is that about?

“I don’t know.” Friend or not, I refuse to get into the details about why I had no desire to meet him or the particulars of what he said last night. With Taylor, I know I’ll never hear the end of it.

“So, what did he say last night?”

“He thanked me for what I said and that was it.” Technically, that is it.

“And what did you say?”

“Uh…you’re welcome.” I couldn’t refrain from laughing at that. “What else was I supposed to say?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you two would have ended up speaking more. He’s been eager for that moment. He’s a really big fan. One of the things that I respect about him is how much respect he has for women. There’s no discrimination on his end. The man hosts a football clinic for women every year and the camp that he does for kids is also extended to girls. Whenever we talk, he always gives me props for my career path and then he fangirls over you. He goes on and on about the way you read off career stats and how much you care about the talent over everything else. He’s confident that you’re the best analyst on the network.”

“I’m not the best.” Surely, I’m working to get there, but as of right now, I’m still learning the ropes.

“It’s his opinion, not yours. Stop selling yourself short either way.”

“Well, I appreciate his kind words.”

“He’s a nice guy.” Our eyes met and mine instantly narrowed at her emphasis on his niceness. Initially, I didn’t understand the point of it until that all too familiar smile appeared on her face. “I’m just saying.”

“Okay.”

“Why are you so short about him?”

“Why are you so long winded about him? I thought Jesse’s your guy.”

“I don’t want Odell. I’ve never viewed him in that manner, but I’m not Stevie Wonder and neither are you. The man is fine as hell.”

“Okay.” I’ve encountered more athletes than I can count over the last four years. Initially, I found myself paying attention to the exterior of a few of them because all of that muscle is right there in front of you, but eventually, it became so normalized in my life that it began to roll right off of me. When you’re so focused on getting the job done, who gives a damn what they look like?

“You’re such a hermit crab.”

John slowly came to a stop in front of Terminal B at Newark Liberty International Airport. We’d made it in just enough time for her to comfortably get through TSA and to her gate without having to put her black Converses to the test.

“Text me when you land so that I can know you’ve made it back safely.” We tightly embraced one another as we always do whenever we greet and leave one another. “And don’t forget because you always do and then I have to call and curse you out.”

“I won’t forget. It’s been a fun week with you, even though I’m sure you’re drained because we’ve hung out just about every day after you left work. Finish up strong today and get some rest. I know you need it.” That’s a fact.

“I will. I’ll be in the bed with some sort of take out as soon as I get home tonight.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you soon.”

“You will. Enjoy Jesse, because I overheard that he’s heading your way in two days and it’s not for work.” It was my turn to imply what actually is the truth. Despite her playful denial about what they feel for one another and how they navigate it, I know what she feels is sincere. Her face instantly lights up at the mere mention of his name.

“You bitch. Shut up. You enjoy your day because I have a feeling that it’s going to be a pleasant one.”

“It’s always pleasant for the most part.” There are days when it isn’t, but anyone with a job can attest to that no matter what position held or how much money is being made.

“Love you. I’ll text you.”

“Love you.”  

With two years in, I’m still considered to be a rookie around the studio and yet I can’t recall too many moments when I’ve ever felt like one. The executives, producers, and all of my colleagues have been pleasant. One of the surprising perks has been my dressing room. Like all spaces in the beginning, it started off as nothing more than a desk and a chair in the corner of the room. Since then, it has transitioned from looking like a prison cell to being filled with the warmth of nude shades and the comforting scent of eucalyptus and spearmint. There are a few finishing touches that I’m going to work on, but even without them, it’s nearly as comfortable as my den area at home.

“Good morning Sarai.” Amy poked her head into a small opening at the door in the same manner that she always does, as if it makes her presence any less invasive since she doesn’t knock.

“Morning.”

“So, I just want to make you aware of a slight change on the docket today. We’re going to pull about twenty minutes of the show’s typical running time for a one on one with you and OBJ. It’s just preseason talk. Of course, you two can get into your commentary about him. It’ll be a full circle moment to put a close to that.”

“Excuse me? Is Chad not available for it? I thought we’re having Chris Broussard and Terrell Owens on today?” On Monday we went over everything for the entire week and although we do briefings every morning, nothing has changed until now. I haven’t heard a single comment of possibility that he would be joining us here at the network today.

“As a content creator yourself, you know that it doesn’t make sense for Chad to do it. This is a last-minute call by Chip. I didn’t even know about it.”

“I don’t have any questions prepared for this. This is bullshit.” For the first time ever, I blurted out profanity in the workplace and despite not being proud of it, I couldn’t help myself. I hate being put on the spot with a passion. I am not spontaneous. I’m no daredevil. No, I don’t do everything by the book, but I damn sure try my best to do so, because I can’t stand fucked up results.

“I’d say just pull from priors and maybe draw up a few over the next thirty.”

“Priors? I’ve never interviewed him. Amy, you know this.”

“And I also know of your capabilities, so this will go smoothly. It’s not an in-depth sit down. It’s preseason talk. There’s nothing to stress about. You got it Sarai. You always have it.” Before I could respond, she slipped out of the door.

And that’s the problem. You let people pull some crap on you once and they’ll continue doing it if you don’t put your foot down. They’ve had me go into a random one on one with Serena Williams that wasn’t expected and then there was another with Kobe, prior to his retirement and him being my colleague. Granted, it’s what made him respect me, but I still would have preferred to be ready.

“Girl, you get to sit across from that fine ass man today. Can I meet him? You know I never ask you to meet anyone, but him? I just want to stand in front of him and see if he’s just as fine as he is in magazines and on television. I don’t even care about sports, but I’d make a sport out of slurping him.” I nearly choked on air. Annagjid salaciously ran her tongue over her lips as I glared at her though the mirror and had the audacity to follow up her lewd behavior with a pelvic thrust.

“Just for that, I’ll make sure he keeps his distance. I’d hate for him to refuse to ever come here again.”

“Did you say cum?”

“Anna!”

“I’m just saying. The man looks like a Greek God. That’s Zeus and I’m trying to be Hera.”

“You do know that Hera was most famous for being extremely jealous and vengeful against all of Zeus’ lovers and the illegitimate children he had with them, right?”

“And that’s exactly what I would do if that was my man. Let a bitch try to come after what’s mine and I’m whooping ass on sight.” Her antics never fail to make me laugh and I needed something to lighten the mood after Amy’s curveball in my day.

“You’re nuts. I swear.”

“And your ponytail is looking bomb too. I made sure those edges are slicked to perfection. This dress is hitting every curve and got the ass looking right. You’re ready.” I’d chosen an ash blue sleeveless Roland Mouret pencil dress for today. The only other option I had in mind was this exact dress in black, but it’s Friday and I’d rather not look like I’m heading to mourn someone’s death. It’s classy and there’s something about the golden zipper in the back that makes it sexy. My mother would be pleased. I doubt she’d deem me to be her son in a skirt today.

“I’m ready for what?”

“You have to look your best while in front of him. Every woman should.”

“For what? If I could, I’d interview him in sweatpants and a t-shirt. He’s not President Obama.”

“Obama and those Dumbo ears wishes he looked like that.”

“You know what? I’m not about to allow you to disrespect my forever President over a New York Giants wide receiver, so I’m going to act like you didn’t say that.”

“Oh, I said it. Know and remember that.”

Owens and Broussard were our first visitors which gave me more than enough time to figure out some type of format and direction to what I’d ask Beckham Jr. during every commercial break. I’d describe today’s show as rather lax because we spent far more time laughing at Chad and Terrell’s antics than we did speaking about the up and coming football season and the tension between Kyrie Irving and Lebron James that has lead to him wanting to be traded. You put a set of best friends who happen to be former NFL players together and what do you get? Endless jokes.

“Aye, don’t go too hard on Odell either. You nice as hell but you mean as hell too.” Chad squeezed my shoulders playfully as his warning went into one ear and right out of the other.

“I am not mean.”

“Shit. You boss my bald ass around all the time, but that’s okay, because I like it. You beat by the way. Face is snatched. Edges laid. The ratio between the front of that sandal and your big toe is on point. Apply pressure on they asses.” Chad’s my second favorite, after Fred. I don’t think he takes much of anything seriously and I appreciate it so much because it brightens my day around here.

“You are such a clown yo. Move.” Our laughter filled the set as he wrapped me into a bear hug from behind.

“Don’t laugh too hard because your foundation is going to crack and then you’re going to have smile lines.”

“Never that!” I learned a trick a long time ago to make sure that never happens.

The space where I’d be interviewing Beckham was just another set a few feet away. Though a bit too intimate in setting for what I planned on asking him, I’d take it. It’s less cameras and lights involved. There’s also much less man power around directing which way to sit, which camera to look into, and the timeframe in which you have to get your thought out before moving on to the next topic. When I think back to my days of strictly writing for ESPN Magazine and Sports Illustrated, I can admit that I miss it from time to time. There’s nothing quite like being able to sit down somewhere, with your laptop or even a pen and paper, and just pour your everything into whatever your focus is. I don’t want to say that broadcasting is microwavable journalism because that would be insulting, but it’s extremely fast paced and often time, stories are left behind as quickly as they’re told. I still have clippings of some of my favorite sports articles from my childhood. I have bookmarks online of articles that I’ve enjoyed over the years, some written by people I’ve met in school or elsewhere, and others from those I simply admire from afar. I still grab magazines from the newsstands in the city. Though I do watch all of the other shows on this network, I certainly do make sure to visit the website to check out what our online journalists are writing. There’s something special about studying a subject and descriptively writing about who they are in a manner that exudes the perfect imagery and it moves me unlike anything else. Though I don’t write as much as I used to, I still try to convey that art when I’m sitting down with someone. My aim is to humanize before anything else.

“Sarai Nazaire.”

His low-pitched and yet calming voice commanded my attention and I granted it by turning to where he stood. Much like a week ago, his piercing eyes pervaded my own, as his blonde curls poked out beyond the hood covering his head. He chose to be lax, in a warm green sweat suit and Nike sneakers.

“Hello.” I extended my hand for his own and our skin met in an instant. “How are you?”

“I’m well. How are you?”

“I’m well.”

“This is my mom, Heather.” It was easy to tell. He resembles the tall beauty quite a bit and they have identical smiles. Whenever he speaks of her, he hails her as his reason for not only being but also for the athleticism. She’d been a tremendous track star in her earlier days and even gave birth to him before she could head to the Olympic trials. It makes perfect sense for her to have believed in him when he assured her that he was going to be an NFL player when he was about eight years old.

“Mrs. Van Norman. It’s nice to meet you.” I released his hand and immediately reached for hers.

“Please call me Heather and it’s so nice to meet you. We’re huge fans. We all love you in our house.” If I were their complexion, I’m sure my cheeks would be the color of apples right now.

“Thank you so much.”

“Oh no, I have to thank you. You know, he’s a grown man but he’s also my baby and whenever he is or feels attacked, it feels like it’s coming down on me too. I have never heard anyone outside of friends and family speak as highly of him as you did and it caused such a shift in the way that he is reported on nowadays. He can be a knucklehead and all is fair when he’s having one of those moments, but it really does feel like he’s being given a fair chance to be himself without hell to pay for it.” I’m not a mother, but I can imagine what it feels like to turn on your television or surf the web and see such negativity about your child all over the place. It’s even worse when the negativity stems from situations that aren’t crimes. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when I sounded off about him, but to hear the manner in which it comforted his mother means quite a bit to me.

“There’s no need to thank me for that, really. The one thing that the naysayers cannot negate is his talent. When he’s on the field, he performs. Everything else is just noise. I believe you birthed a once in a lifetime talent.”

“Thank you.” He voiced the answer for the both of them. She’d been too wrapped up in a huge smile to do so before him.

“So, I’m sure you’ve done a million of these. I’m only going to ask you a couple of questions. It’s a short segment. Anything off limits?” Usually, a manager or an agent would approach me prior to any interview and run down a list of details that are off limits. It’s a power move to make sure whoever they’re representing doesn’t have to face the music when asked a difficult question. If you’re smart, you’ll figure out a way to work around it or rework questions to the point of them telling on themselves.

“Nothing is barred. I’m cool with whatever you want to ask.”

“Oh yeah? So, I can ask about your girlfriends?” A light joke for what is sure to be a lighthearted dialogue between the two of us.

“I don’t have any, but you can ask. I don’t mind.” His broadly built shoulders shrugged while a smirk tugged on his lips.

“Is he telling the truth Heather?”

“I suppose so. I haven’t met anyone just yet. I’m waiting on it though. There’s going to have to be a point in time when someone comes to take over and take care of him.”

“You trying to get rid of me?” He glanced over his shoulder at his mom. I hope to muster up enough courage to ask her about her skincare routine because she has a glow that’s stunning.

“Of course not, but it’s the circle of life my child.”

As the room began to clear, I offered him the seat directly across from my own. I looked on, in observation of his body language. That’s the first marker of whether you’re going to have a smooth or difficult time. He chose to sit upright, with credence, and yet his back rested against the chair in an eased manner. Interestingly, he chose to mirror my actions by glancing over my frame to read me. The odd prickling in the nape of my neck that slowly spread all over was a sign that he’s doing a better job than I am.

“All set.”

It’s go time. This is my field and I’m the quarterback here.

“Welcome back to the Sports Haven. I’m Sarai Nazaire and we’re here with All Pro New York Giants wide receiver, Odell Beckham Jr. Odell, welcome to the show.” Much like our greeting earlier, we shook hands for the sake of the camera.

“Thank you for having me.”

“Now, you’re entering your fourth season with the Giants organization. You guys are coming off of a season where it all seemed to be gelling together towards the second half and that led to a playoff run which ended up being cut short by the Greenbay Packers. What are you most looking forward to going into this season?”

“Winning. I know it sounds cliché because that’s what everyone wants to do, but it really is what I’m looking forward to. It was disappointing to lose in the way that we did. It was a blowout but it just served as fuel for me in the off season. I went harder in everything, honestly. I took some for myself but even in the midst of that, I just worked.”

“Did that loss also cause you to have a hatred of boats?” I had to ask and thankfully, he took it in jest. The infamous photograph of a number of the Giants ballers and Trey Songz hanging out on a yacht in Miami just days before that Greenbay game instantly became a media sensation once they lost. The memes and blame game were non-stop for days. If I were them, I don’t know if I’d want to see another boat again let alone be on one.

“No, I still like boats. I spent time on a boat or two during this summer.”

“But given that you’re on this superstar level, you know that it comes with you living your life under a microscope more than most people do including many of your teammates. So how are you handling that now? For most people, it digs under their skin and it’s understandably so. I know you’ve had your moments of frustration. Unfortunately, it’s not something that’s not going to change. All good comes with bits of ugliness, right?”

“Right. One of the things I’m doing is trying to stay out of the microscope. I’ve found myself spending a lot more time at home and away from anything that draws too much attention to me. It’s been different but in a good way. It feels good to be able to comfortably strip away the guard that you have to keep up because of that microscope. Also, I’ve really taught myself not to take things so personally. I play a position in a sport and it comes with all of that, so I had to realize that it’s not so much of an attack on me and even if it is, it all really stems from that position. I can’t allow that to dictate how I live my life or have my happiness.”

“And you had that awakening during this off season?”

“Yeah. I spent a lot of time reflecting and dealing with a lot of emotions that I’ve never felt before and even some pain that I’ve never felt before. Some of it involved football and there were things that didn’t. I had to sort that out and it did a lot of good for me.” I’m always impressed when I hear athletes speak on their mental health. The world views them as figures who play a sport for a living and earns far more money than they deserve to have simply for being entertainers. The majority of them make more money than the doctors who repair them after injury, which can be quite mind boggling when you think about it. Because of that, spectators believe they’re entitled to dictate the manner in which these people live their lives, the way in which they speak, and the level that they believe each and every one of them should be performing at on the field day after day. People wave the entitlement flag at them when they’re not being puppets on a string and never once take the time out to think about the emotional strain the pressure of impressing an entire public of people can put on a person. I’ve had many conversations, off the record, with athletes who have admitted they’ve fell out of love with the sport they play and represent because of the unnecessarily harsh scrutiny and relentless pressure. 

“Do you feel like there are people who want you to fail?

“That comes with the territory. There are a lot of people who do, but it’s fuel for me. It serves as motivation for me to continuing grinding and moving forward for those who do support and believe in me. They’re the most important to me. I meet so many people who tell me that I inspire them to be great. On Instagram I see and sometimes I meet kids who go to their barbers and get the dye and haircut done. I can’t let down everyone who buys a jersey to represent me. After what you said about me, I can’t let you down either.” I held my breath as a faint fluttering filled my core and my body’s response was to reposition itself in the seat. My follow up question instantly became stuck in my throat.

“How does this new found inner peace contribute to the up and coming season and to the Giants locker room? How has Odell improved?”

“I’ve become a better route runner and catcher, but I think the most important part that I needed and have become is a better teammate and listener. I’m giving more and putting more into everything. I can feel it in my conditioning, I put it to the test at training camp, and I’m assured in what I intend to bring to the field this season. I’m excited.”

“I’ve been looking into the offense. There’s Brandon Marshall and your young tight end. Sterling Shepard is looking good. I think you guys have a good season ahead of you.”

“Yeah, the defense has always been there, so it’s up to us to get the job done and I think we’re in a pretty good position. We learned from that disappointment at the top of the year.”

“I’m looking forward to it Beckham.”

“You have to come to a game then. Not as an analyst though, just as a normal citizen coming out to enjoy some Sunday night football.” My laughter infectiously sparked his own fit of giggles and the smile that remained on his face warmed my soul like a ray of sunshine. Does this happen with everyone who sits across from him? How the hell does anyone stay angry with this guy?

“That sounds like a plan. I’m about twenty minutes from the stadium.

“And you have to wear this.” I hadn’t even noticed there was a jersey hanging behind his chair. What made me roar in laughter wasn’t the jersey, but the fact that the numbers were in snakeskin. I’ve been gifted many jerseys but I’ve never seen one customized like that. It’s interesting looking in a good way. I’d wear that as a cute top for a chill outing with friends if the circumstances were different.

“I’ve seen a lot of football jerseys but with snakeskin? Never. Thank you.” I held it up for the camera to see for the sake of good TV and placed it across my lap.

“You’re welcome.”

“Odell, it’s always a pleasure to have you up here. You have to come back soon. I wish you all the best on this up and coming season.”

“Thank you, Sarai.” Yet again, we shook hands and I held up the jersey once more before we officially wrapped.

I’m usually a bit more courteous in the way I send guests off before disappearing into my dressing room, but my goodbye was brief and my heel clad feet couldn’t move fast enough to escape the odd tension in the room. I’ve never wanted him to feel like he owes it to me to be nicer than necessary because I said a couple of decent words about him. While I don’t believe that he has any ulterior motives, I do wonder if there’s this sense of sympathy for the manner in which it worked for and against me. I don’t want to be Odell Beckham Jr.’s charity case because he isn’t mine and he certainly wasn’t that day either. I did my job as an analyst; nothing more or less.

Though she insisted on meeting him, Annagjid left for a weekend at home in Philadelphia but made sure to send me a text message ogling over the way Beckham’s sweatpants hugged his thighs throughout the interview. I’m thankful she’s gone, because if given the opportunity, she would have audaciously told him what I read in that message and it would have been the reason I combusted into a pillar of dust out of sheer embarrassment. With that segment done and no Podcast episodes needing to be recorded today, I can get started on my weekend. I’m not only going to grab a bottle of red wine on my way home, but I’m leaving my favorite spirit shop with two. Once I have my take out ordered, I’ll curl up on the floor in front of my living room table a la Olivia Pope and skim through whatever the premium networks are offering OnDemand. I’m behind on Homeland. Then again, I’m way behind on House of Cards, so a lonesome Netflix and chill sounds much better.

“Come in!” My heels were idly lying next to my chair. I walking out of here in Converses. The bougie can go for the week. Street chic is where it’s at.

“Sarai?”

I’m convinced I’m suffering a karma for something that I don’t quite remember doing or the universe is trolling the shit out of me. Whichever way you put it, over the course of these last seven days, all of the silent and yet minimal requests I’ve had for God and my subconscious have not only been the opposite, but have also been a ferocious time frame of mental gymnastics.

“Beckham. What’s up?” With no hesitation, he stepped inside and closed the door behind himself. The oxygen supply is diminishing as we speak.

“About those tickets. Look.” There were two of them in his hand.

“You never said anything about tickets.” He didn’t. He only encouraged me to come out and support the team. I figured it was in jest.

“How could I invite you to a game and not have tickets for you? These are for the Philly game. We play the Cowboys during week one and the Lions during week two, but I feel like our Philly games are super competitive and fun to watch. It’s the better choice.”

“At home or in Philly? You really didn’t have to do this.” And he shouldn’t have. It’ll only worsen the claim that I baby him and deliberately overlook his transgressions because I have a soft spot for the young players. I never want to be differentiated based upon gender but it’s the way of life and I get the short end of the stick depending upon what I say and who it’s in reference to. It goes beyond people questioning my job and instead, they question my character. My credentials are online for all to see and yet I still am accused of fucking my way to the top. Gossip blogs have connected my pussy to every athlete that has stood within five feet of me and I don’t personally know any of them beyond the former ones I work alongside five days a week. My dating life is endlessly analyzed though the only thing I’m in a relationship with has batteries and sits inside of my bedside drawer. I don’t know what narrative will be painted if a camera catches me at one of this man’s games and I don’t want to know. I’m looking forward to the day when I’m no longer identified by his story. I’d like to think he’s just as sick of seeing my name synonymous with his in the headlines.

“In Philly. I can get you a ride out there if you need one. 

“I’m sure that I can manage. I don’t have a car, but I’m looking into a couple of Mercedes Benz dealerships in New Jersey so that I can finally get the car that I’ve been eyeing.”

“What kind? My guy Phil Campbell manages the inventory in both Manhattan and Paramus. I can reach out to him for you. He’s a cars guy, believe me when I tell you. He’ll get you right for sure. 

“Nothing too special. Just an A-Class sedan for now. My pockets aren’t as deep as yours.”

“I’m still on my rookie contract. I wouldn’t say they’re that deep.” Rookie contract or not, with his Nike deal and all of the other endorsements he has, he’s a millionaire many times over already.

“Well I’ll tell you this much, my ESPN contract certainly isn’t worth ten point four million dollars.”

“It should be.” This guy. What a paradox.

“So, this Phil guy can help out?” I don’t care about cars enough to research specs and special features. “All I want is a sunroof, seat warmers for the winter, and an amazing sound system. Everything else is whatever, honesty.”

“He knows his shit. I can send him your information. Knowing him, he’ll get back in touch with you within the next hour or so.” Help is help and my pride can shrink enough to get out of the way when it comes to something that I don’t know. I’ve had my fair share of being loud and wrong and it’s not fun being the idiot in the room once it’s all said and done.

“Okay, hold on.” On my desk, I have my ESPN cards to purposelessly give out in exchange for the management or agent cards of our guests. In my wallet, I keep a few business cards where my personal phone number and e-mail are for the sake of obeying my father’s rule about a business card being “far more professional” than stating your phone number out loud while they plug it into their phone. I don’t give much of those out either. “This is my business card. My e-mail and number is there. You can give him the information whenever. I’m not in that much of a rush.”

“I’ll send it to him in a few minutes, that way you’ll be able to go over the specifics about whatever you want.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. So, about that Philly game. You’ll be there?”

“I’ll try to make it out.” I’m not going. I wish he had of gifted these to a super fan who would have loved to be in attendance.

“Okay then. I’m looking forward to seeing you there. I already helped with one part of your outfit; you just have to figure out the rest.”

“Oh, I’m supposed to be in Giants gear? What makes you so sure that I’m not an Eagles fan? It’s looking like they’re going to have a damn good season this year.”

“If you are, I intend to change your mind.”

“Hm.” The universe can kiss my black ass and it’s quite black by the way.

“I’ll see you soon Sarai Nazaire.” What’s his fascination with saying my first and last name? I’ve never met anyone who has done that and admittedly, it doesn’t roll off of anyone’s tongue in the manner that it does his. Maybe it’s the French connection in Louisiana that aids in him pronouncing it so well.

“Goodbye Beckham.”

Last Friday I had no desire to hear anything playing on the radio and yet the end of this week has John and I bopping to my best of the 90s Hip-Hop playlist on Apple Music.  Who the hell wouldn’t start an eighty-seven-degree Friday off with Craig Mack’s “Flava In Ya Ear” remix and an Oreo Cookie Blizzard from the Dairy Queen? The next stop is for the wine and then I’m free to lounge in my living room in nothing more than an old t-shirt and the lace black thong covering my lower half. I may even turn my phone on “Do Not Disturb” until sometime tomorrow. Hell, is Monday morning a stretch?

The buzzing of my phone in my lap paused my backseat party and the foreign number along the screen riddled me into confusion.

You’re not an A-Class sedan type of woman. That’s not for you. An E-Class Coupe fits your mold; sophisticated, sleek, and breathtaking. If I had a say so, that’s what you’d leave the dealership with, but I don’t. Maybe you’ll take my advice? Have a great weekend Sarai Nazaire.

My eyes panned down to observe the minor trembling of my hand and the appetizing blizzard that was now turning into a milkshake.

Or maybe I’ll throw my phone into the Hudson River.

[haphazardlyparked]

the lover

regret everything the lover (previous - the lord)

Two days after Congress should have begun, Kan faces down a furious Noki in one of his larger and less-used workrooms. 

They’re alone; to give Sem some peace and quiet in the small audience study they both prefer working in, Kan had arranged this meeting to be here. Noki has taken to shouting at Kan in the week or so since the Congress news, and he does so loudly. And frequently. Kan can only assume their day’s scheduled meeting will be disruptive. 

He’s right. Today, Noki is so irate, he skips the pleasantries and goes straight to the point.

“You blocked the plans for a joint factory, and you’ve banned devout Sahms from visiting Tasak,” he accuses as he steps into the room. He barely looks around at the changed surroundings, with the tall bay windows and the large tables spread with maps and screens and writing instruments, and entirely without seats. “This is what you’ve decided to do, instead of Congress?”

“You asked me to rule, Sadura,” Kan says, in cool warning. Now is not the time for this conversation. Yesterday night wasn’t either, nor the morning before that. “And I am ruling.” 

Even though most of the Congress work has been bounced back to the review department to sort out for next year, Kan is still being run ragged. Just today, he has a high-level data custody battle to arbitrate and a ring of angry anti-Samran horticulturists raising hell in the southwestern quarter of the city and its outskirts. Not to mention all of the new year wishes to share with his allies.

“But why, sir?” Noki demands. “Why are we regressing? Congress could have been handled better, and so can this!”

Kan’s reply is recklessly dismissive, delivered while he looks over plans of the city’s ground level juxtaposed with stats on how the horticulturists’ movement has transformed it. They have apparently been planting invasive species in public gardens and all over the ground-level to symbolize what they perceive to be Samran incursion.  

“Ask the ambassador,” he says. 

Who knows what Isokai will see fit to share with his Tasakese liaison? Kan doesn’t care. He’s exhausted and irritated even with Congress cancelled, and he’s trying to slog through both his work and what the Dowager usually handled for him. He’s far from in the mood to justify his decisions to an angry diplomat, even when that diplomat is Noki.

Kan might be willing to let Samra join the trade alliance, eventually, but not when it puts his own life in danger. Or at least not before he’s sure he can protect Tasak from any potential fallout. (And yes, maybe he’s dragging his feet out of spite, too—the Dowager’s death hurts still, a pain that Kan struggles to  accept.) Isokai supports his caution, Kan knows, though he won’t do so publicly. The ambassador understands the push and pull of overt and covert diplomacy, and he sees the end-game.   

Noki doesn’t, yet. “You aren’t even trying anymore,” the diplomat hisses at Kan, and storms out of the room.

He doesn’t come home that night.

“We have to go through with the old plan,” Noki says heavily, sinking into the chair. He scrubs his hands through his hair and counts out his breathing.

“That was a plan of last resort,” Isokai says. “Have we reached such measures?”

“Yes!” Hona snaps. “He cancelled Congress! And now nobody can call him to account for closing the factory and banning visitations from devout Sahms until such systemic prejudice is already the norm. He’s talking about adding more restrictions on exports and imports too for ‘sensitive sectors’ and ‘reasons of state security.’ The rest of the alliance will follow suit, obviously, and effectively end whatever bilateral trades deals they have with Samra. Your trade will be crippled.”

Isokai frowns. “I was lead to believe it was his actions which mattered, not his musings. I have not heard of any new trade restrictions.” 

“But he has censured the Sahms congregationalists and vetoed the factory,” says Polis, less inflamed than Hona but equally as firm in her opinion. “At the rate he’s going, who’s to say he doesn’t impose more restrictions and sanctions, and cancel next year’s Congress to avoid criticism too?”

Still the composed devil’s advocate, Isokai meets Polis and Hona with an assured sense of calm. “Does that sound like the lord you know?” he asks. 

“It’s different now,” Noki speaks up. He feels sick with the realization, but he also thinks he’s known this for a while. “He is different now. Kan is… he was never attached to the idea of progress, and now he’s even more inimical to it. His arbitration has been increasingly heavy-handed ever since he cancelled Congress. Since before then. It’s almost as if he’s turning himself into the Dowager.”

“He is grieving,” Isokai reminds them. 

“It’s more than that,” Noki says. His quiet, steady voice doesn't belie the way feels—like a twisted up wet towel. He wants to cry, but he can’t let this stop him. Noki has always been willing to sacrifice absolutely everything for this cause. For a better Tasak. He must. “I don’t believe that… that he represents the best future for Tasak.” He’s too volatile, unpredictable and impetuous when Tasak needs a firm, steady leader more than ever.  

The Samran ambassador studies Noki for a long moment, and then bows his head. “My people will stand behind you, whichever choice you make. Please notify me when you decide.”

“We’re deciding,” Noki says, before Isokai can go.

Polis nods decisively, and Hona says, “We’re going back to the old plan.”

With a sharp, tight-lipped smile, Ahal puts a silent hand on her brother’s shoulder; Noki straightens with her support.

“Very well,” Isokai assents, expressionless. “

“Noki,” Isokai says quietly, as they walk from the meeting back to Isokai’s apartment together. “As a friend—I must ask you to reconsider.”

Noki’s shoulders are set and his chin is raised to that most stubborn angle, but his eyes are red at the rims and he looks terrible.

“I have to do it, Isokai,” Noki murmurs back, equally as soft. Neither of them speak about the topic directly, but neither of them needs to. “What else is there for Tasak if I don’t? And he’ll forgive me, in the end. He’ll see it was for the good of the state.”

Iska shakes his head. “He might understand the ‘greater good’ argument,” he says, “and he might forgive the Exchange. Perhaps even Samra, if the future you bring is indeed superior. But he won’t forgive you, Noki.” Not for a few lifetimes at least, and unlike Iska, Noki doesn’t have those.

“He will,” Noki maintains. Then he scowls and gestures at Iska angrily. “You’ve known this was a potential outcome for years, Isokai. Why are you hesitating now?”

“Duty is important to me, as is doing what is right. But I have also learned that sometimes, what’s right is a very cold comfort.”

Noki bristles, still not hearing what Iska is trying to tell him. “Is Samra backing out?”

“No, Noki. My people will support you, if you choose this,” Iska assures him. “I only mean to say that sometimes, it is worth it to find the middle ground—you could do it, Noki. You’re intelligent, your lord knows that, and he’s devoted to you. Why the rush for expediency when it would come at the cost of what you have?”

“Because I don’t know that I can!” Noki bursts out. “I don’t know if I can help lead Kan to better decisions—he’s different, he’s been different ever since the Dowager died!”

“Do you trust him, Noki?”

“I...” 

Noki falters.

“You don’t.” 

Noki swallows, and reluctantly nods. When he speaks, there’s an aching mix of shame and relief in his voice. “I love him, I do, but Tasak needs maturity. Stability.” Noki breaks off, and looks down at his hands. “You understand, don't you, Isokai? I can't let myself be selfish.”

Iska does understand. He understands the sacrifice Noki thinks he must make.

And he understands that Kalna won’t.

(next - the lover, part ii)

@rrrawrf-writes @gingerly-writing @severe-fangirl-syndrome

[justepilepsy]

Bloody Service

This post was almost done, but then tumblr crashed on mobile...

I just got back from getting my blood drawn. An Odyssey in 3 Acts.

Act I My GP is seated in another village. So I have to spend 3,30 Euros (around 3 USD) for one tour. That’s 6.60 in total, better make it worth it, right?

So I get off the bus and walk down the village mountain, which is at an angle, that could be easily used for a tougher skiing plane, if there was ever any long lasting snow here.

I reach the bottom of that hill, and I see the poster of doom on my GP’s door. He’s on vacation. He always goes on vacation when summer holidays are over. I figured because the kids have been off to school again since early in August, that he should be back by now. Nope.

So I always head over to my doctor while being sober (no breakfast), so I already feel hungry, but not too hungry and I’m to stubborn to not get these damn blood results. So I walk back up the mountain. Alllll the way up to the other GP of the village. They always take over each other’s patients when on vacation. I hate that place. I generally wait forever and feel barely listened to. But getting blood drawn can’t be that hard to accomplish.

Act II

I reach the top of the hill, i enter the GP’s place and after 2 minutes of waiting in front of the counter, while the assistance dramatically sorts away folders, she tends to me and asks what they can do for me. I tell them I need my a “complete blood count”. They nod, ask me to sit down. I am prepared for hours of waiting, but to my surprise I’m waiting only for max. 15 minutes.

Then... SHE enters.The one and only. The professional. The.... other assistant. Look I don’t know her name, I don’t have a name for her, but she’s the reason I’m writing the story.

She looks to be around her late 40s, short blond her, definitely overweight and she seemed to be in charge of treating the low-maintenance patients. She asks me to come with her, so we can draw the blood.

And it begins.

Her: “Hello, so what can I do for you?” Me: “Hi, yeah I need a complete blood count for my EEG in two weeks.” Her: Complete... Blood. Count. What’s that supposed to be. Me, irritated and confused: “uh, It’s you know it’s a complete blood count. Like it has all the stats analysed from my blood? Liver, Leucocytes, medication level...

I’m hungry and my brain is not in the mood to explain medical terminology to someone who should know it by now. She just... nods oddly and takes my blood. Fair enough, she manages to hit a vein immediately and doesn’t have to search long for it, unlike other people. A lot of people struggle with getting my blood... After a very short while, she seems to have all she needed. Which is... less blood than I usually get drawn for a complete blood count, buuuuut at this point I can’t get together a proper argument in my head, other than that i remember more little tubes of blood usually being taken... Act III She turns around to me saying: “Okay, well then... a “complete... blood count” will be done by tomorrow. “ More confusion, my GP generally needs about a week for the results to be back, as they always send the blood off to a laboratory etc. This place has the same practise.

Just to be sure I say: “Okay, great... just to be sure. You have my medication level included in this?”

She turns around: “Medication level???? WHAT Medication level?” As if I just said something stupid. Like “Give me a color” and she’s like “Which of the many colors do you mean?”

She continues: “There’s more than just... ONE Medication Level” She’s acting as if I just asked the impossible. So I think “Okay, maybe she doesn’t have my medication on display...”

I give her the name of my medication. She types it in. But continues: “So what am I supposed to do with that? There’s more than one medication level” Making it sound as if I again, asked something ridiculous to figure out. I left the place frustrated, quite sure that I will receive a tiny blood count by the end of the week. Because of all these things and the fact they have messed up years ago where i received a tiny count with just my medication level added.... So yeah.. way to go.

[biscuitreviews]

Biscuit Reviews Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded

This particular entry is regarded as the most hated in the franchise and for good reason. I remember picking this game up myself thinking “Square remade the Japanese exclusive mobile game? Ok guess I’ll buy it.” I did this begrudgingly and was not really looking forward to the experience. My expectations were set really low and honestly, it turned out to be a bit better than I figured it would. That’s not to say this entry is a good title, I’m with the majority of the Kingdom Hearts fans saying that this game is pointless to the overall story, but I do believe that all of the negative talk surrounding Re:Coded overshadows the good qualities that many fans tend to overlook.

With this review, I hope to bring some of the good to the forefront while also going into detail why this is a pointless entry in the series.

The story begins with Jiminy Cricket reflecting on the journeys of Kingdom Hearts I and II. While reviewing his journals, he finds a mysterious message in the journal chronicling the events of Kingdom Hearts I. The message reads “Their hurting will be mended when you return to end it.” All that Jiminy knows is that he didn’t write it and then goes to report it to King Mickey. Mickey believes that by digitizing the journal, they can uncover the origins and the meaning of the message.

Before I continue, I want to go ahead and mention the first good point of Re:Coded. Mickey Mouse has a more central role in the story. It’s not much, but he’s usually working behind the scenes in most entries so it’s actually refreshing to see him on stage for once.

However, I also have to criticize Re:Coded’s choice of a protagonist, Sora, or rather a Data version of Sora. Mickey will send this Data-Sora to explore the worlds of the journal and to uncover the meaning of the message. During Data-Sora’s journey he learns that bugs have infected the journal and that he must destroy the bugs to repair the worlds within the journal. For this story, I think it would have been more interesting if the player controlled Mickey and journeyed through the worlds seeing everything that Sora accomplished as well as view the events at other angles.

The story even hints at this multiple times that the journal has events within the datascape that are there, but are unknown to Sora as he did not see those specific events, but they happened in his general vicinity. If the player was controlling Mickey, he could have followed the events to learn more about the mystery. But nope, Square just hinted at it a couple times and then just ignored it never to be mentioned or seen again.

The choice of antagonists is also very muddled. You’ll be going against Maleficent and Pete again and honestly, their motivation for Re:Coded feels really forced. Maleficent and Pete just want take over the Datascape and throw it in darkness, which makes the character growth Maleficent experienced in Kingdom Hearts II feel pointless. Because of this, they overshadow the other antagonist. I won’t reveal the identity of this antagonist to avoid spoilers, but I do feel that this antagonist had potential and could have served as a nice break from the usual villains of the series, but their reveal felt half-baked, which is a shame because this antagonist turned out to be one of my favorite boss battles of the series.

Exploration of these worlds will have Data-Sora going through smaller scale versions of the worlds you experiences in Kingdom Hearts I. During Data-Sora’s journey, he will need to look for backdoors within worlds to fix the glitches within them. The backdoors serve as challenge areas to where Sora can complete challenges to earn CP, which he can spend on prizes such as stat chips, abilities, extra experience points, or munny. Having these challenge areas give a fresh approach to tackling old ground. I applaud Square for taking that into account and trying to make these old areas challenging, but the fact remains that it’s an abridged version of Kingdom Hearts I and that you’ve already done this all before.

Combat for Re:Coded, is actually the strongest area for this title, but even then it has its own hiccups. Combat takes the command deck system from Birth By Sleep and actually makes improvements on it. You can equip specials attacks and spells that Data-Sora can use in battle. Like Birth By Sleep, you can fuse commands to make a new command, or you can fuse commands to make an equipped command stronger. To me, this was an improvement as I could keep commands that I liked and simply make them more powerful. For example, you can take a Cure spell and level it up to where it could have the same power as a Cura spell. My only complaint is with the camera. Because the command deck is now taking a button that you would use for the camera, you only have one button to help you control the camera and it can be a major hindrance at times, causing you to stop briefly just to reposition the camera. Now, you can alter it to where the camera will follow Sora, but even then you will have to still stop every now and then to fix the camera.

The leveling up system takes the idea that 358/2 Days has and dresses it up to where it’s more approachable and acceptable. This system is known as the Stat Matrix. Not only will you be implementing chips to power and level up Data-Sora, but you can also alter some systems in the matrix to increase the challenge of the game. You can change the game difficulty at anytime and decrease Data-Sora’s health to increase the drop rate or rare items just to name a couple. I actually like this system as it allows you to tackle what is a retread of the first game in a new way. The idea that you’re programming Data-Sora to be stronger makes this leveling approach more believable that he could get stronger or weaker at any moment. Unlike the panel system in 358/2 Days where it didn’t make much sense to make Roxas weaker or stronger all because something didn’t fit in a panel.

So with that said, is Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded a good game? Yes, I believe that in the gameplay department, it holds up nicely. The story that it told however, added nothing new. It didn’t give new lore elements, it didn’t advance the story in anyway or add any new perspective to previous events, it just stayed in the same exact spot. Now, the 1.5 and 2.5 collection does have this game in a movie format and honestly, I’d say you can skip the movie.

Kingdom Hearts Re:Coded receives a 2 out of 5

[thesportssoundoff]

“Yo, this is appointment viewing”A UFC 218 preview

Joey

November 28th

Not since LAST November-December have we had two genuinely stacked PPV events back to back. UFC 217 brought the sizzle with three title fights, former champions and title contenders competing for standing and a loaded prelim slate with HWs and BWs looking to find their place in the world. UFC 218 heads to Detroit with just one title fight but with it a host of potential #1 contender clashes alongside a flat out good undercard with relevant fights and action fights all across the ledger. The headliner is a short notice clash between Max Holloway and Jose Aldo, a pretty damn good 145 lb title fight that could either solidify Max Holloway as a P4P great or reannounce Jose Aldo's return to the top of the division. Under it, all four main cards are REALLY on point with potential #1 contender clashes at HW, LW, Flyweight and SW. I can't begin to express my excitement for this bad boy much longer so let's just get right to it!

Fights: 13

Debuts: 1 (Allan Crowder)

Fight Changes/Injury Cancellations: 2 (Frankie Edgar OUT, Jose Aldo IN vs Max Holloway/Al Iaquinta OUT,  Charles Oliveira IN vs Paul Felder)

Headliners (fighters who have either main evented or co-main evented shows in the UFC):  13 (Jose Aldo, Max Holloway, Justin Gaethje, Eddie Alvarez, Alistair Overeem, Henry Cejudo, Sergio Pettis, Francis Ngannou, Michelle Waterson, Tecia Torres, Charles Oliveira, Alex Olivieira, David Teymur)

Fighters On Losing Streaks in the UFC:  1 (Angela Magana)

Fighters On Winning Streaks in the UFC:  11 (Sergio Pettis, Felice Herrig, David Teymur, Drakkar Klose, Alex Olivieira, Yancy Medeiros, Paul Felder, Tecia Torres, Max Holloway, Francis Ngannou, Alistair Overeem)

Stat Monitor for 2017:

Debuting Fighters (Current number: 41-35)- Allan Crowder

Short Notice Fighters (Current number: 23-34-1)- Jose Aldo, Charles Olivieira

Second Fight (Current number: 27-37)- Justin Willis, Dominick Reyes, Sabah Homasi

Cage Corrosion (18-13-1)- 0

Twelve Precarious Ponderings

1- We should begin with the main event which in my estimation an improvement over the Edgar/Holloway booking. To explain, while Edgar/Holloway is a fresh fight and one that would've been truly awesome, we've seen Frankie lose to Aldo twice. Aldo is the superior fighter of that we have no doubt---and so seeing Holloway/Aldo II isn't as fresh but it is a better all around fight. The first fight in my estimation is one of those clear examples of "sometimes stats lie, man." Everybody, almost like a chorus of geese on a cold Winnipeg morning, honks about Aldo winning the first two rounds and that's true but also irrelevant. Why? Because if you WATCH the fight, you can tell that the second round was a round where stats lie. Halloway had no respect for Aldo's power, he marched him down, he took to give (in my opinion he won the round) and by the end of the second round, their respective reactions heading back to their corners should've told you who was winning or about to win that fight. It wasn't Aldo.

2- I also don't buy the idea that leg kicks are some vaunted weapon which has been missing from Aldo's game and will be some deciding factor. For starters, it's not Holloway hasn't faced explosive kickers in the past. Second, it's not Aldo's leg kicks are the key weapon to what was his dominant run to begin with. They're a tool in the act but no more a tool than his amazing takedown defense and superb angles. LASTLY this is a guy who has been rocked/dropped in 3 of his last 4 fights. He's been finished in 2 of them. The only guy who hasn't finished him is a guy who has one KO stoppage in the last six years (love ya Frankie!). Aldo has plenty of ways to beat Holloway and Holloway has plenty of ways to beat him in return---but leg kicks? Not really seeing it. Aldo hasn't been this big leg kick monster since about 2013 or so. They're a sparsely used gimmick at this point.

3- I wonder if the UFC is as frustrated at the 155 lb scene as we are as fans. We have:

-A champion who doesn't seem like he's defending any time soon.

-An interim champion who seems to be torn between waiting for the neverending stop of the McGregor/UFC table dance and taking a fight that risks him losing the biggest payday of his life.

-Two fantastic 155 lb fights that could determine #1 contenders for titles that don't seem to be getting defended any time soon.

-Dustin Poirier sitting on the outside looking in after dominating Anthony Pettis plus depending on who you ask finishing/almost finishing Eddie Alvarez.

Making matters worser than the worst worse, you have Nate Diaz potentially malingering around, the looming threat of Max Holloway or Jose Aldo finally making a move up as well as a solid crop of 155 lb talent who aren't close to title shot contention but would in theory be closing the gap if the division wasn't held up at the top so much (the aforementioned Paul Felder, a suddenly resurgent Clay Guida, Anthony Pettis is still young enough to turn things around, too too early to write off Michael Chiesa and Kevin Lee after tough losses, Devid Teymur and the mystery that is Mairbek Taisumov).  At some point something has to give along these battle lines and I wonder if that means biting the bullet, admitting that there's a need for it and opening up 165 lbs.

3- I do think, title contention wise, it says something that Alvarez/Gaethje is 4th on the card underneath Pettis/Cejudo when it comes to relevancy. Could be nothing, could mean everything.

4- There's a lot of hype and pressure on Francis Ngannou. That's probably well deserved but as I've said perhaps one time too many, don't get caught up in the narrative if he loses. Once upon a time, Stipe Miocic got his first real big step up and he was iced in two rounds by Stefan Struve. Shawn Jordan once put Derrick Lewis on ice skates with a fat guy wheel kick. This will shock and amaze you but fighters do improve over time and at HW, nobody is ever truly a lost cause. Division lives for chaos.

5- I know I'm the weirdo in this regard but I'm really excited to see how Sergio Pettis handles the challenge that is Henry Cejudo. Of all the Duke Roufus products, Sergio is the one who seems to most fit the mold of what they want. Functional in every facet of the fight while still having the flash, sizzle and workrate to keep people interested. Cejudo's rediscovered his power recently and his boxing has looked world's better. I have cardio concerns with him as you always need to but Sergio Pettis has always had an aversion to guys who pack a shot on the feet. This fight could be really great.

6- Paul Felder's stock, which continues to go up and down depending on the time of year, is probably as high as it's been since he iced Danny Castillo way back in 2014. Felder has always been really talented but at 33, the clock's ticking on him really making a run. He's won 4 of his last 5 fights but the only guy who remains int he organization out of that group is Stevie Ray. His losses are two totally acceptable ones (a decision to Barboza where he could've probably won, a 3rd round TKO stoppage vs Francisco Trinaldo in Brazil) and one totally bemusing loss to Ross Pearson where he spun for the entire fight chasing a bonus and never got it. Felder's inconsistency is partially the reason why it's hard to feel overly confident in him vs Charles Olivieira. Do Bronx is always dangerous for a quickie sub and he showed that vs Will Brooks when he got his back and subbed him in the first round in April. Historically Charles has won to the guys he's supposed to beat and found creative insightful ways to lose to the guys he shouldn't. He's always in a fight until it's over and Felder historically leaves enough margin for error where  he could, in theory, give Do Bronx opportunities.

7- David Teymur thus far has passed every test put in front of him. He was successful in TKO-ing guys who he probably would've been fighting on the regional scene and then really broke out when he spoiled the Lando Vannata hype with a decision win in March. Teymur is one of those guys who mixes techniques well, never tries the same trick twice and has improved time and time again whenever he fights. He's a bit old for a prospect (28) and Drakkar Klose will probably be the bigger, stronger fighter but I'm excited to see what Teymur has added to his game during his time away. Dude has top 15 potential in my estimation.

8- There's going to be a lot of interest in the Waterson/Torres fight and fair play to it but I'm all about that Felice Herrig/Courtney Casey bout. I haven't been wow'd in Felice's more recent fights (never really impressed with Kish, thought Grasso won) BUT even having said that, she's finally matching her record with her boisterous personality. On the other hand, I'm all about that Courtney Casey violence. She debuted vs Joanne Calderwood on short notice and put it on her before she gassed. The same for her vs Seo Hee Ham where she started off hot and then the wheels fell off. She rebounded by finishing Christina Stanciu and has a "way more impressive in hindsight" sub of Randa Markos. A loss to Claudia Gadelha followed where she never seemed to get out of second gear and you could almost sense her upside would be "tough woman who lives on the outskirts of the top 10." She then went and beat the fuck out of Jessica Aguilar in a fight that wasn't competitive for a single minute of its duration. She is all action, all the time and Felice Herrig's size, grappling and developing hands are going to give her a real test. This fight is great.

9- Yancy Medeiros vs Alex "Cowboy" Olivieira is gonna be your favorite 90s gore action movie where it's all violence with no sense behind it. Just action figures ramming into one another.

10- Does the Ngannou/Overeem winner gets the "The UFC would like you to face Stipe Miocic on -insert date here-" sprung up on them?

11-  So Dominick Reyes is arguably the most exciting prospect at 205 lbs in a long long time---but I can't help but feel like Jeremy Kimball is going to be a step too far for him in his development. I kind of think the UFC thinks so too since it's buried on the FP prelims where a loss can almost be hidden.

12- Would a loss to Tecia Torres expose Michelle Waterson as being a PVZ-esque hype job?

Must Wins

1- Michelle Waterson

Might as well just flow from A to B, right? Waterson came into the UFC off a loss after the organization had been hounding Invicta to free her up for a while. She went 2-0 and WME-IMG actually signed her and took over as her media reps. The response off of that was a loss to Rose Namajunas where she was outmatched from the get go. Waterson says she went out for a while to get stronger and balance her aggression in the cage (she felt Rose just swarmed her from the jump and she was too timid on the feet) so hopefully we're going to see a new and improved Waterson.  She is still super markketable, talented and has exciting fights more often than not. A loss to Tecia Torres would be really tough on her career and would put a lot of things into question, primarily whether she's big enough for 115 lbs or whether this entire thing is really a new PVZ.

2- Eddie Alvarez

Alvarez exorcised a lot of demons when he beat RDA for the title and ended the bullshit about him just being a good fighter outside of the UFC who couldn't hang (loss to Cerrone and two ugly split decision wins weren't helping). He never had a chance vs McGregor where he was basically knocked out by the first left hand that landed. The last fight vs Dustin Poirier was, I suppose, the return of the Eddie Alvarez of old. He got hurt, survived, found whatever it is that makes him insane and then used it in the second round. A blatantly illegal knee ended the night for Poirier and Alvarez but for a BRIEF second, Eddie Alvarez was the man he was in all those wars. He's had a lot of wear and tear on his body from fighting great competition for little fanfare. The UFC version of Eddie Alvarez is a little smarter, a lot more chinny and the epitome of age kicking in too late to protect the body. Alvarez vs Gaethje really does feel like a battle between Eddie Alvarez retro and Eddie Alvarez off the shelf. Justin Gaethje has a ton of Alvarez in his game while being younger and hitting way harder---but does Eddie still have some magic left?

3- Dominick Reyes

205 lbs needs Dominick Reyes in the worst way. The under 30 LHW prospect got into the UFC on short notice after a viral headkick KO and he did little to disappointed in stomping out Joachim Christenson. Still I think we can admit that Christensen is ways away from being UFC quality and so Reyes still hasn't beaten someone of note. Jeremy Kimball isn't great shakes BUT he has a very deceptive record. He started his career 5-3 and since then he's gone 10-3 which includes a 1-1 stint at Bellator and wins over dudes with far more fanfare than he (TUF finalist Matt Van Buren, Cody Mumma and Chidi Njokuani all ring a bell). This is a sneaky test of Reyes' ability and I'm hoping he'll pass it.

Can't Miss Fights

1-  Justin Gaethje vs Eddie Alvarez

2- Jose Aldo vs Max Holloway

3- Francis Ngannou vs Alistair Overeem

4-Henry Cejudo vs Sergio Pettis

5- Alex  Oliveira vs Yancy Medeiros

[tealeaves-rp]

Welcome to Tea Leaves RP, EMMY, please grab a pot and pour a cup for yourself and LILY RUTH EVANS!

We are can’t wait to see how Lily develops with how she has achieved most of her goals...and yet, she wants more in some ways! Please send us a link to your tumblr within 24 hours.

II. CHARACTER STATS:

NAME: Lily Ruth Evans

BIRTHDATE/AGE: 22

GENDER IDENTITY & PRONOUNS: Female, she/her

WAND:  A simple stick of oak wood, cut ten inches long, polished and worn from years of use. It has no core and no inherent magical properties, save perhaps as a conduit for better brews from being used as a mixing stick for so long. Lily carries it mostly for the aesthetic and because it tickles her patrons to see that she is a real wix, look, she even has a wand!

IV. CHARACTERIZATION DETAILS:

SOCIAL POSITION: The Evans were decidedly lower class in the broader scheme of the world, but within the bubble of Cokeworth, their tea business edged them into respectable middle class. They rose higher as their teas took off even more thanks to open knowledge of Lily’s wix nature. By the time Lily left for London, the Evans were firmly established in the quite comfortable upper middle class. Lily herself is harder to place. While being an openly avowed wix taints her socially in the eyes of some, it elevates her in others. Fiscally she’s well off enough, and her acquaintances certainly reach lofty heights. Yet while tea isn’t really trade, and a brewing maven always has a degree of respectability, truly escaping that low background is difficult and she’s more of a social oddity than anything truly placeable.

EDUCATION: Lily got a basic education from the parish school, and did what she could to further her education on her own. She is an avid reader and her handwriting is neat and even beautiful, both in a clear copperplate and a script (she makes all the labels for the teas in the shoppe). Her maths are strong in the basics, what she needs to manage a business and to properly brew. Anything beyond that is largely self taught. Her magical education was a mixture of trial and error, and learning with Severus from his mother, thoroughly rooted in magical brewing. Any other magic has been self taught from a few illicit books.

DAILY GRIND: Lily co-owns Tea and Talons; the shoppe is her life. From living above the shoppe, having her workshop in the basement, and handling most of the customer interactions, it consumes most of her time. However, as she’s gotten more settled in London and the shoppe has taken off, she’s been venturing out into greater London more often. She has to put those pretty things she’s been buying to good use, and a silk dress is not appropriate for brewing tea.

THE TEA: Lily makes so many nuanced, complex brews all the time, one would be forgiven to expect that her regular mix would be some masterpiece of her brewing skills. Instead the brew she’s most likely to be caught downing is a simple black tea barely sweetened by sugar and so rich in caffeine it’s amazing she hasn’t had a heart attack from it, with just a few infusions added for calm to offset the caffeine jitters (caffeine is its own sort of magic, you know). Her personal brew, however, is more nuanced, taking an earthy, smokey base and adding notes of peppermint. Rather than sugar, she sweetens it with honey and, when in private and truly enjoying a cuppa by herself, she’ll have some flower petals floating in the tea. Most often, the petals are from petunias. She puts surprisingly little magic into the blend, tempering it more with nostalgia and thoughts of family and love. A ‘hug in a cup’, she sometimes thinks of it. She’s not likely to casually share it with anyone.

GOALS: Most of Lily’s big goals have been achieved; open a tea shoppe in London with her best friend and have it be successful. Now her focus is on smaller things: building herself a proper life beyond the bounds of the shoppe walls, enjoying the life her new found respectability and money can afford her, having nice things. She’s worked hard, she deserves to have some fun. And then there’s the other goal; she wants to know more magic. Not just for her teas, but for herself, digging deeper into those mostly-forgotten traditions. Even if that means working with some occasionally shady figures to get her hands on those ancient texts.

V. CHARACTER INTRODUCTION:

It was Halloween, and that meant there were expectations. In general, yes, but especially of an ‘out’ wix. Considering her wix status was at least 50% of the draw to their fledgling shoppe (still, despite the growing acclaim for the brews themselves), that mean Lily had to go all out. As long as she could leverage it to help the shoppe, she’d gladly do it. Even if that meant dressing in an all black dress (a masterpiece from Diggle that still managed to be flirty and light despite the sombre colour), wearing a pointed hat, and leaving the shoppe broomstick by the front door like she was ready to go for a fly at any moment. This on top of the autumn decorations around the shoppe, decked out in browns and oranges and reds over faded greens. Then of course there was her wand, wielded with a grander flourish than normal.

Severus said she was being ridiculous. Lily countered that he had no sense of salesmanship.

Her day started early, well, earlier than normal, going over the packets of brews that had been special ordered for various parties that day. Bubbling and broiling, things that would tickle the throat and the mind while frothing over in a delightfully wicked way. ( One patron had even confided in Lily that she’d found a genuine cauldron that the seller swore had been used for real magic in old times to serve the tea from. Lily made extra sure to get all the stray edges of magic tucked neatly away in that brew. The last thing she needed was some lingering residue from an ancient potion mucking with her tea and getting her in trouble.) Then there was going to the emporium down the alley to pick up the little black kitten she’d rented for the day to add that extra bit of colour to the counter.

By the time she actually opened the shop, she’d been awake for two hours already. Two hours more and she was downing her second cup of PepUp Tea to keep her going as the patrons tried to run her off her feet. At the end of the day, when she finally turned the sign in the door over, seeing the last patron off to whatever party they were headed to, her cheeks ached from all the smiling. Snagging the broom from where it had wound up in the front window (someone had made a show of trying to fly it around the shoppe), she swept up and retreated to the back workshop to join Severus in helping prepare the teas they were low on and try some new blends, enjoying the dry banter between them and the special cuppa he brewed for her.

It was nearly midnight by the time she trudged up to their flat above the shoppe and toppled into bed, saying goodnight to witching day with enthusiasm fueled by knowing they’d done well. Another big holiday like that, and the might actually be solvent.

VI. MUN BACKGROUND QUESTIONS:

What is your ideal game? Games where world building not only happens, but is encouraged by the mod team

What is your least favorite element of this game?  Where the conflict of the game is currently feels very lowkey and individualized. Seeing a plot or even a short lived event that introduces a grander scale conflict would be nice.

I chose this character because… I have been playing Lily for many years now, and this game gives me a chance to put her into a new situation and write a different take on her from so many angles: her relationships, her attitude towards magic, her general state of well being, not being dead at 21.

[artysanctuary]

For an artillery beginner, would you recommend German guns or American guns? I have over six thousand hours of experience otherwise.

Hello! Please note that this is just my backup blog, I recently moved back to my old, actual blog @artyrambles. But I'm going to answer this ask here anyway. :)

This kinda turned into a wall of text, sorry. The TL;DR is that I think the German arty line is more beginner friendly, but it's possible that I am biased. I started with the Germans, so it’s best if you also ask someone who started with the Americans. But as for my part, I’ll try to give you a detailed look at both lines to help you build your opinion:

First however, a little piece of advice:

The more experienced you are with other classes, the easier you will find playing arty, and the less it will matter which line you pick, as you have (hopefully) learned about things like the maps, situational awareness, the usual deployment patterns and encounter zones, macro-movement (the flow of the battle, basically), etc. A lot of skills you learn when playing other classes are also important for playing arty, but there are some additional skills you will need in order to play arty successfully.

You will need to learn things like how to predict enemy micro-movement (aka the way tanks back up or roll forward at what times), how to lead shots with your long shell flight times, which spots to pre-aim on, the way distance, angles, and terrain affect your shell flight path, when to shoot or when to hold your fire keeping your long reload and aim time in mind, and so on.

But to get to the point, let's take a look at the lines:

I guess which line you should pick depends largely on personal preference, aka on your preferred playstyle. Very generally speaking, the US arties have longer reload and aim time and less accuracy but have more splash damage, while the Germans are more accurate but their splash isn't that great in comparison. While the Americans have very distinct strengths and weaknesses, the Germans' attributes are quite balanced without any extremes.

Also the Americans tend to have a broader traverse arc, while the Germans have very narrow arcs for the most part. (But then on the other hand there's the GW Panther on the German side that features a partial turret with a huge arc. More about that one later, though.) So keep in mind that you will have to turn more frequently with the Germans, which will force you to think more about where you pre-aim.

With the Americans, you will aim and reload forever, and probably miss, but when you do hit, ooohh boy. With the Germans, unless RNG hates you, you can generally assume that you'll hit (as much as you can assume it for an SPG anyway) but you probably won't devastate the enemy tanks as much.

In the end, I guess which line is easier for a beginner depends on the person and their individual skill set.

That was the overview, I guess I should talk about the highlights (in my opinion) of the lines to wrap this up.

With the Germans, it's clearly the GW Panther. Like I said, it has a partial turret, so turning your hull will not be required unless you have to totally switch flank, which means wasting significantly less time on aiming than you would for example in the GW Tiger (P). Unless you use the gold ammo, your splash radius will be pretty pathetic, so never count on it. There will be the occasional oneshot, but again don't count on it. Most of the time, you will do around 300 to 600 damage per shot, of course depending on how heavily armoured your target is. Basically, the GWP is my favourite arty and I really recommend it.

At low tier, I would go for the Sturmpanzer II route. While the other route has better traverse arcs and more range, I think it's good to teach yourself how to play with a narrow traverse and short range first. Also, I love the Sturmpanzer II. The high shell arc, good accuracy, and quick reload make it feel almost like a lower tier Bert to me, tbh.

As for the Americans...Get the M44. Just do it. Trust me. Its HEAT ammo has insane pen, and you can pull off some ridiculous stunts, if you're willing to make some compromises regarding its other stats.

And that's it, basically. I hope I could help! o/

A little addendum: If you intend to participate in the clan wars, you should probably go for the US tree, as their tier 9 and 10 are used there often, while the GW E-100 is seen rarely.

[mastcomm]

Your Wednesday Briefing – The New York Times

The scene: The address included a few theatrical touches, including the surprise reunion of a military family. Mr. Trump also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to the radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who was seated next to the first lady, Melania Trump. Mr. Limbaugh recently announced that he has advanced lung cancer.

What’s next: Mr. Trump didn’t mention his impeachment trial, which is expected to end today with a vote in the Senate to acquit him. Here’s what to watch for before the vote around 4 p.m. Eastern.

In partial results, Buttigieg and Sanders lead

With 71 percent of precincts counted, here’s where the delayed results from Iowa’s Democratic caucuses stand:

Pete Buttigieg has 26.8 percent of state delegate equivalents, followed by Bernie Sanders, with 25.2 percent.

Elizabeth Warren (18.4 percent), Joe Biden (15.4 percent) and Amy Klobuchar (12.6 percent) round out the top of the field.

It’s unclear when the rest of the results will be released. Here are the latest updates and a county-by-county map of the voting.

Closer look: An untested app and new reporting requirements were among the problems affecting the process. Here’s a look at what went wrong.

Go deeper: The app for reporting results was built in less than two months by Shadow Inc., a company founded by veterans of Hillary Clinton’s 2016 presidential campaign. The technology was part of Democrats’ broader efforts to match Republicans’ digital prowess.

Coronavirus deaths near 500 in China

Chinese health officials today raised the death toll from the monthlong outbreak to 490, a day after 65 people in the country died from the virus. Here are the latest updates.

Health experts are still unable to say definitively how lethal the virus is, but the mortality rate so far — about 2 percent — is lower than that of SARS, which is about 10 percent.

Closer look: Our maps are tracking the outbreak, and drone footage from Wuhan, where the epidemic originated, shows the city of 11 million looking unusually quiet.

Go deeper: China’s response to the crisis has offered its 1.4 billion people a rare glimpse of how a “giant, opaque bureaucratic system works — or, rather, how it fails to work,” our columnist writes.

Another angle: In the U.S., the responsibility for containing the virus falls to local health officials. Our reporter spent two weeks in Snohomish County, Wash., the site of the first confirmed U.S. case.

If you have 5 minutes, this is worth it

More forests, and more fires

In the decades after World War II, large areas of Europe went from being cropland to woods, and the Continent is now one of the most forest-rich regions in the world. That also means it’s ripe for wildfires. Above, hillsides scorched last year in the Spanish region of Catalonia.

Our reporter traveled to Catalonia to learn more about managing woodlands in a hotter, drier climate. “Climate change is changing everything,” a fire analyst said. “We’re trying to build some vaccination into the landscape.”

Here’s what else is happening

When the vet does harm: Doctors who harm their patients face costly lawsuits and other serious consequences. There is much less accountability for veterinarians, as devastated pet owners in Oregon learned.

Snapshot: Above, a dinner party at a nudist resort in Lutz, Fla. The nudist, or naturist, movement has historically been connected to food, and nudists say their relationship to eating is better and healthier without clothing — despite the occasional splatter burn.

Late-night comedy: The hosts joked about the Iowa caucuses: “We haven’t seen white people that confused since they first tried to dab,” Jimmy Fallon said.

What we’re reading: This piece from Stat, the health news site. Our Interpreter columnist Max Fisher says it’s “enormously helpful and illuminating” in describing possible long-term scenarios for the coronavirus.

Now, a break from the news

Eat: The chef Alfred Portale made Gotham Bar & Grill into an institution. At Portale, he applies what he’s learned to Italian cuisine. Our restaurant critic likes the results.

Smarter Living: A former F.B.I. negotiator offers some tips for travel.

And now for the Back Story on …

The kindness of Australian strangers

Australia’s bush fires have brought pain and destruction to land, wildlife and property, but they have also highlighted the camaraderie and support that Australians call “mateship.” Damien Cave, our Australia bureau chief, experienced it while reporting on volunteer firefighters. This is his account.

We had just finished interviewing a group of firefighters trying to contain a sprawling blaze, and after bouncing down rocky roads for a few miles, we hit pavement.

That’s when I heard the familiar thump, thump, thump. I turned to Matthew Abbott, the photographer who was driving. “I think we’ve got a flat,” I said.

The back left tire on his Toyota pickup was hissing like a snake. The jack he had was built for a smaller car.

While we searched for rocks to prop it up, an S.U.V. pulled over. “Need any help?” the older man behind the wheel asked.

Then a truck driver pulling a load of timber stopped, and a man with tattoos on his arms and legs hopped out.

Within minutes, he’d found a better place for the jack, lying on the ground to push it into place.

Three or four other cars drove down the small country road while we were stuck. Every driver stopped to offer assistance.

Every. Single. One.

Such kindness is no panacea for climate change or mega-blazes, but it does show that Australia has depths of something it will need to recover from this horrific fire season: thoughtfulness and empathy.

That’s it for this briefing. See you next time.

— Chris

Thank you Mark Josephson and Eleanor Stanford provided the break from the news. You can reach the team at briefing@nytimes.com.

P.S. • We’re listening to “The Daily.” Today’s episode is about the State of the Union address. • Here’s today’s Mini Crossword, and a clue: Whale-obsessed captain (four letters). You can find all our puzzles here. • Mihir Zaveri, a Times reporter, has been voted president of the South Asian Journalists Association.

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/your-wednesday-briefing-the-new-york-times-9/

[recentanimenews]

Review: Pokémon Sword and Shield

Pokémon has moved forward several half-assed steps at a time, and that’s not a criticism. The series has existed comfortably in its own bubble and where other games would get lambasted for looking inward, Pokémon has thrived on reiteration and the slow crawl of minor innovations to the template. Pokémon games primarily get compared to other Pokémon games and no one expects the series to change drastically from its rock-solid fundamentals after so many years. Even as people forget weird features like poffins and Pokémon Musicals, they can take solace in the notion that even the jankiest gimmicks all work towards crafting the definitive Pokémon game, whatever that might look like in the future. Well, that future died with the announcement that Sword and Shield would mark the end of the full Pokémon roster and we would all need to leave the old “gotta catch ‘em all” mantra in the past.

I.

Pokémon Sword and Shield is the eighth generation in the mainline series of games and the first to appear on home console. It’s set in the Galar region, a place inspired by the art director’s experiences as a youth growing up in the United Kingdom. Players assume the role of a silent protagonist chasing the dream to become the Pokémon Champion, a lofty goal that is pursued with much more fervor by the player’s rival, a perennial loser named Hop who is also the current champion’s younger brother. In my mind, the player character I created, a young Pokémon trainer named Tomoyo, has lived the entirety of her life stuck in this one-Pokémon Center town knowing nothing more about the world other than what’s filtered down to her through Hop’s experiences in the comforting shade of the champion’s cape. Her growth into a person with her own story to tell spurred me on to leave home but unfortunately Hop won’t be shaken off so easily.

Even as Hop is vaunted as a formidable rival, he crumbles within seconds of any given Pokémon match against the player character and typically loses to other mid-card trainers off-camera. Loser rivals have become a staple of the series ever since Game Freak decided to let players hold type advantage over the rival’s starter Pokémon a few generations ago. For the most part, this hasn’t been a problem as balanced team-building has to grow from the initial Grass-Fire-Water triangle of effectiveness. The purpose of the rival has always been to test the player’s progress against what’s to come, gating off high-level areas until the player proves they’re capable. Hop’s path toward the Gym Challenge Finals is tightly woven with the player’s own journey and while I welcome the idea of a rival/ally having greater involvement in the storyline, Hop simply sucks at Pokémon for the longest time. And here’s the kicker to all this: everyone in Galar sucks at Pokémon.

II.

When people claim that Pokémon is “easy” and offers “zero challenge,” they tend to forget that they come in armed with a huge advantage of prior knowledge of the mechanics. By design, the player is meant to become the Pokémon Champion and there are no alternate routes to some other final destiny. That said, Sword and Shield puts up a considerably weaker fight than its predecessors. You never get the impression that the trainers are trying at all to compete and the Routes between towns are now more than ever a vestige of environment design better suited to the capabilities of the classic Game Boy. Galar’s layout evokes memories of theme parks and my quick, unimpeded dominance of the region made me feel less like a champion and more like an asshole ruining the illusion for the rest of the patrons.

Separate from Galar’s underwhelming Routes, the Wild Area received a lot of buzz when it was first unveiled and to be fair, it’s the most exciting part of the game despite its flaws. The diversity of the wild Pokémon encounters more than makes up for lame trainer battles. It’s never more apparent that certain conventions are dead and gone than when running into high-level final evolutions of Pokémon that have never appeared in the wild before. In the past, wild Pokémon were more of a nuisance than anything, hardly worth the time spent inputting the commands for an easy one-hit knockout. Along with the variety present from field to field, many of Sword and Shield’s wild Pokémon also give juicy experience points, frequently outleveling the trainers present in the immediate area. The delicate level curve of the game is easily broken as a result of meandering through the Wild Area for too long but it’s still a welcome change of pace to decades of grinding trash mobs.

Players that think too hard will look at the Routes, then at the Wild Area, and will then ask themselves why the developers didn’t just design travel around the more gratifying open world environment. The issue is that the Wild Area doesn’t have that Breath of the Wild butteriness to it, perhaps an unfair comparison considering BotW wasn’t connecting to hundreds of other players at all times. Wild Area performance takes a huge blow while online even with the console docked and although chop is reduced if a player disconnects from the internet, that defeats the purpose of the lively community feel of the Wild Area. Given how erratic the Wild Area renders under the strain of weather conditions and online connectivity, I see it more as a fun experiment than the cornerstone of Sword and Shield’s design. It shows that Game Freak is at least attempting to evolve and it’s unfortunate that the shrinking Pokédex became the symbol of change when the Wild Area is the best new idea the studio has had in years.

III.

The region of Galar is dominated by the influence of one benevolent businessman named Chairman Rose who has sculpted the culture of competitive Pokémon battles around Dynamax, a Galar exclusive phenomenon in which Pokémon get really, really big. Stadiums are built on top of “power spots” that allow Pokémon to Dynamax for the entertainment of the crowds, building up matches as a festival occasion on top of being a legitimate sport. As nice as it is to have the gyms back, this aspect of the game hasn’t grown much at all despite how they dress it up.

Even once you catch a whiff of the true nature of Dynamaxing and strange instances of Pokémon going berserk, the game is dismissively patronizing about keeping players focused on their regular journey, with characters insisting that the Gym Challenge is more important than giant Pokémon running amok in the stadiums. This subplot eventually does come to the forefront at the worst possible moment and by this point, solving the crisis that’s about to unfold has zero momentum compared to the Pokémon League. The whole farce regarding the dark omen threatening Galar wraps up as soon as it’s introduced, making me wonder why the game even bothers raising the stakes to some world-ending catastrophe if it’s compressed into a handful of battles.

For all the emphasis placed on Dynamax, the battle feature is one of the more underwhelming gimmicks in a series that’s full of them. The story explains that its use is anchored to locations featuring power spots, isolating it to stadiums and raids in the Wild Area. Despite the showy nature of the effect, it’s never utilized in any meaningful way in battle and it only takes a couple of fights to see the full extent of what the system has to offer. So long as a player can survive three Dynamax moves, the threat of actually wiping out in a Gym Leader match will have more to do with type disadvantages than the power of Dynamax. The max raids against wild Dynamax Pokémon are far more challenging than what you’ll see against trainers and the rewards from the raids are stupid good, so the gimmick isn’t entirely a worthless feature. Still, it doesn’t clear the air of this idea that Dynamax wasn’t worth the trouble.

IV.

Held up to the light at any angle, Sword and Shield is marred with flaws, but I still wouldn’t want to go back to the early generations after experiencing Pokémon on the Switch. The story is an absolute shambles but if your game is to raise, train, and tinker for the perfect critter, Sword and Shield is a considerable step up from the 3DS era’s mature metagame functionality. Untold millions of hours will be saved as a result of cutting out so much of the bullshit regarding stats, natures, and leveling. The interface is clean and responsive, controls can be set to play with a single joy-con, and the decision to give players almost-unlimited access to their Box storage is a lifesaver when it comes to breeding and farming Pokémon eggs. People that approach Pokémon at the surface level will see the same game they’ve been playing for years but the maniacs that put in the time and effort to hunt for shiny Pokémon or train for competitions will be grateful at how much the process has been streamlined.

I finished the main story at about 30 hours with a third of that time spent either going out for detours or idling to prepare coffee. The main game isn’t much longer or shorter than the past couple of Pokémon games but the scarcity of unique things to do after the credits roll is somewhat insulting. “No postgame” is an exaggeration but “minimal postgame” would be hard to argue. I can’t blame people for feeling cheated with the first $60 console Pokémon game having a single post-game quest to capture the box art legendary and no other high-priority content outside of the meta. Going back to pick up missed items and face trainers in rematches isn’t nearly as compelling as uncovering secrets after becoming Champion, especially if you have no interest in playing past catching rare Pokémon. I took myself past the 75-hour mark to complete my Pokédex and as fulfilling as it was for me, I wouldn’t claim that it’s a significantly worthwhile endeavor for the average player. By comparison, Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon had its own post-game quest, an extensive roster of legendaries to hunt down, and yeah, full support of all Pokémon going back to Ruby and Sapphire for GBA. Whatever the reasons might be, Sword and Shield has a very definitive end to its adventure that comes all too soon.

V.

For all the controversy in the lead-up, Sword and Shield ended up being more than a little OK, if not a messy success that could still be better. The future of the series will be challenging as long as Game Freak commits to the idea of rotating Pokémon in and out of the main games, guaranteeing that the next game will have limited compatibility with this generation out of the box. Nintendo and co. took a calculated risk with Sword and Shield and now that the games have sold a verified and very real One Billion copies at retail, they can reasonably infer that they won’t have to bend to the will of a few thousand rowdy fans clamoring for a return to the old ways. They have a healthy base of players comprised of casuals who don’t give a shit about Dexit, newer fans that aren’t too miffed about leaving the 3DS games behind, and folks who just like Pokémon too much to complain too loudly. I found my own enjoyment in Sword and Shield, but I’m also not rushing to post #thankyougamefreak without seeing the shape of Pokémon to come. You don’t have to like it, but odds are you already paid for it.

Pokémon Sword and Shield originally appeared on Ani-Gamers on December 21, 2019 at 6:17 PM.

By: David Estrella

[thelongestdamnreviews]

Another Metroid II Remake

This review covers v1.2.10, and I didn't know 1.3.1 was already out by the time I finished.  I used an Xbox 360 controller and according to the final stats screen, it took me 4h47m44s to finish the game, with 84% item completion.  I got locked out of the extra features because I suck, but more on those later.

I own the original Metroid II and I only beat it once many years ago, with a clear time of 10h07m.  I don't really remember much about it, other than I got lost about constantly.  No, I didn't make maps.  It was okay but I didn't really get into it.  I haven't gone back because I'm honestly spoiled by things like the automap.  I haven't beaten the original Metroid because of that, actually.  But yeah, my poor memory of the original will lead to poor comparisons, so forgive me for that ahead of time. 

Another Metroid 2 Remake looks to try to give this game the Zero Mission treatment.  A bigger view area, actual colors, better spritework, more items, new items that weren't in the original Metroid 2, new bosses...  It sucks that this was DCMA'd by Nintendo, though who would've thought they were remaking this game too after the poor reception of Other M and Federation Force? 

The story's still the same as in original Metroid II.  The Galactic Federation, realizing the threat that the Metroids serve to the galaxy's peace, orders Samus Aran to go exterminate them on their homeworld of SR388.  You land and leave your ship and prepare to start kicking ass all over the planet.  Things are a little bit different now and that extends to more than just the graphics. 

Parts of the original game were changed around to account for new content such as Power Bombs and the Speed Booster.  You still have the hidden tank upgrades that require different powerups to access, but that's typical Metroid for you.  You get items in a different order and because beams actually stack in this game, you don't need to remember where the Ice Beam was before you tackle the final area.  You actually get the Ice Beam near the end of the game, but you get Space Jump relatively early so you're still free to explore without your floating platforms.  I might not've been paying attention in other games, but this was the first time I noticed that destructible blocks could actually regenerate themselves after a moment.  Not all of them do that but it's one of those things that got me to do a double-take. 

Pretty neat puzzle involving you steering an Autoad to drop Super Missiles onto platforms to make a path for Samus. 

Fighting Metroids in this game is between annoying and dangerous.  I remember in the original M2, you just plugged them with missiles as fast as you could when they appeared.  That still largely applies here but this time you need to hit them in their soft undersides or your missiles will just bounce off.  All of the Metroids have new attacks, like the Alphas having a charge attack or a quick move to avoid your shots, and the Zeta and Omega Metroids no longer fly and they're a lot bigger too.  You still have the warning signs of the discarded shells before you encounter one, though be prepared for a sudden SKREE and fight.  The short cutscenes introducing the next evolutionary step were a nice bonus too.

  There are new bosses as well, some of which come from come from other Metroid games.  You encounter Serris for example near the end of the game, serving as a nice bonus callback to Fusion since Serris is from SR388 too.  Some of the new bosses are mechanical in nature, owing to the Chozo being a technologically-advanced race, so expect to get shot at with beams and missiles at some points.  There's a Logbook feature somewhat like the Prime series that automatically scans new environments and bosses, and that can give you hints about what you're fighting. 

“WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?” “I didn’t take nuffin’, honest!”

I don't remember the music in Metroid II at all, apart from the main cave theme, the final area theme, and the repetitive Metroid fight theme.  Everything else was ambient.  The music in AM2R takes some cues from the Prime series with the instrumentation, but nothing about it was bad.  The composers deserve credit for making the Metroid fight themes actually high-tempo without sounding like a fast copy of the intro to the Jaws theme.  The sound effects worked fine and there's no voice work except for the very end of the game for a well-known pair of lines. 

Controls were fine and there were several options, such as having the Spider Ball be a hold button or toggle, if aiming was Super Metroid styled with L and R aiming down and up, or like Zero Mission where you stayed diagonal and pressed up or down to switch, and so on.  I think I used the dedicated Morph Ball button more than the usual way of doing it too.  Speed Booster works like in Fusion/ZM with just running until it activates instead of there being a run button like in Super.  There's an option to use the analog stick to have Samus walk, but I never used this and I don't think there's any place it actually is useful, but it's nice to see a rarely-used animation. 

Guess who’s coming to dinner.

I thought the graphics work was great.  They went for sprites and 2D as opposed to Metroid Samus Returns' 3D on a 2D plane, so it has more in line with the GBA games.  The way sprites are rotated in Gamemaker Studio was kinda off but you don't really see it too much (for example, Samus' gunship coming in to land at an angle before leveling off is where it was most obvious for me).  I kinda wish I had a comparison spritesheet but everything in general is just more detailed.  Having an actual background that isn't stark black is a big improvement in any case.  A nice touch was how a couple of areas had entirely different door designs even though they worked the same as normal. 

Speaking of doors...

Difficulty felt about right for Normal, but I hear Hard Mode lives up to its name.  Enemies do a lot more damage and they have some new tactics, but I'm not brave enough to dive into that.  I died to a couple of bosses on Normal just by virtue of taking too much damage without being able to respond in turn.  Omega Metroids had their damage output nerfed in 1.1 but I think the recent fanmade updates put their numbers back where they were, so prepare to lose a few Energy Tanks to each one you fight.  A few bosses at least give you things to shoot to spawn recovery items, so that's some relief. 

Every single one of those dots ignores mercy invincibility.  Every single one of those dots can activate the other bombs.  This is how Metroid can become a bullet hell.  

If you clear the game in under four hours, you unlock New Game+ and Random Game+.  Both set the lava level down low so you're given a lot more freedom to explore and get items in a different order than the linear nature of the game originally allowed, but Random Game+ completely changes the order of items so you might end up getting the Screw Attack very early or Power Bombs instead of regular Bombs, for example.  New Game+ doesn't start you with any previous equipment you had so it's a little bit of a misnomer, but you can always use a save editor to give you some extras before you head out. 

Overall, I enjoyed the game, short as it was.  It's a hell of a lot better than the original Metroid II, not like that's particularly hard to pull off.  I dunno if I want to go back through the game to finish in under four to unlock the extra features, but at least that's something that'll get me to come back, as will future updates.  Part of the DMCA clause said that the original creator of this fangame couldn't work on any more updates, so fans have reverse-engineered what they can and are continuing to bugfix and add small content to the game, like giving the Queen Metroid a new attack and there's plans for a post-credits stinger revealing the X Parasites coming out of dormancy now their predator is long gone... 

Record of Samus

[flauntpage]

Bird Droppings: Coming Out Hot

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HOW SWEET IT IS… to watch a meaningful Philly sports game. By my count, it has been since January since we’ve seen one. Sure, the Phillies played almost a whole season and the Flyers did… whatever it is they did last season… but not since the Sixers’ mini-January run has it felt like we’ve had a worthy sporting event over which to get excited. Imagine trying to run a local sports blog during that stretch. Imagine blogging Maikel Franco. Just imagine that. So, to be honest, I was just happy that there was a game yesterday. For it to be a win, on the road, against a division rival, with a post-game Gatorade bath? That’s just the icing on the Doug. There’s a lot to discuss, some bad, mostly good, as we head into a Week 2 showdown with Doug Pederson’s maker, The Fat Man.

To the Droppings!

Opening play

Russ pointed this out on the podcast today, but the opening play action bomb to Torrey Smith – which was underthrown by Carson Wentz and could have been a touchdown – felt like such an Andy Reid play. Russ thinks it happened every year. I’m not so sure about that– it might just be that the preseason T.O. pass stands out so much in our minds that we think Reid did this every year. It doesn’t matter. I liked the play call and it almost worked. The Eagles probably weren’t expecting Josh Norman to be on Smith, but I can admire the gonadotropins Wentz had to try it anyway, because Lord knows, he’s likely not using them in other ways.

  Score bar

I LOVE IT. For years FOX’s graphics felt like they were designed by a foreman from a midwestern steel plant who was delusional about robots coming to take over his job. Even George Lucas during the filming of Episode II thought they went too heavy on the animated robots with overly-mixed mechanical sounds.

There’s a practical reason for the shift to a bottom line over the score bug. Perhaps two of them. When broadcasts shifted to HD 10-12 years ago, networks still had to compensate for those who had standard definition TVs, where the score bug lived in a corner of the screen. Those TVs didn’t show the wide-angle view, so, if you were watching in HD, you’d be left with a score bug near the middle of the screen. In fact, it was one of the immediate ways to tell you were watching HD — if the score bug was curiously in the middle of things. Now, even standard def broadcasts get the wide screen view (with black bars) and putting the score bug in the corner would make it needlessly far to the side. The bottom bar makes more sense. Also, as Adam pointed out on the podcast, it allows networks to place other scores, stats and, most importantly, ads in that area.

  Carson Wentz

The first touchdown to Agholor was absolutely fantastic and showed off the best of what Carson Wentz has to offer. There is no better way to sum it up and put it in context than by laying it next to Donovan McNabb’s famous pass against the Cowboys, as Philly Voice’s Matt Mullin did:

Alshon Jeffery (and many others) compared Wentz to Aaron Rodgers on this play.

But it immediately reminded me of this @donovanjmcnabb play: http://pic.twitter.com/HpcluKNNgR

— Matt Mullin (@matt_mullin) September 10, 2017

The two plays match each other almost beat for beat (fine, he sped it up), except only one features a touchdown (the other features an asshole putting on a fake wrestling belt).

I thought Wentz played well overall. He completed 26-of-39 passes for 302 yards, two touchdowns and one interception. That’s hard to argue with. However, he still overthrows receivers. Those passes usually come on “touch” throws. I thought at times he still looked a little raw – more than I was expecting heading into his second season – and didn’t work through his progressions as well as he should. Here’s an example from a play fake to Smallwood:

He wound up throwing it backhand out of bounds.

He’s at his best when he’s out of the pocket or forced to make athletic plays, not unlike Donovan McNabb or even current quarterbacks like Aaron Rodgers and Russell Wilson. This is a strength, to be sure, but he still needs to work on making the quick read and his touch passes. Those touch passes, specifically, are troublesome. Like a pitcher throwing to first, Wentz struggles to change his mechanics for the soft throw and is wildly unpredictable in those circumstances. Look no further than the horrible screen pass to Agholor.

Part of the blame, I think, goes to Doug Pederson, WHO I PROMISE NOT TO BASH TODAY. He calls plays like I do playing Madden— predictable run, screen, screen, BOMB, fake screen, gadget bubble, try to outsmart the opponent on fourth down and wind up blowing a timeout. Wentz is at his best throwing the 10-15 bullet on out routes and hook patterns. He seems to excel here. The distance is far enough to allow him to LET LOOSE the python which hangs from his shoulder, while at the same time not being so deep as to make it a difficult pass. Ertz is the beneficiary of many of these, but it seems like the Eagles could get the wide receivers more involved, or even utilize Sproles on cut and option routes here. But Pederson takes Wentz out of his rhythm way too often with his chode offense and forced deep balls.

  Playcalling

I’ll start with the bad and then end with the good.

There were two highly questionable series in my view: The first actually resulted in an Eagles touchdown… thanks to a punt fumble recovery by the Eagles. It was their third drive of the game from their own 13. Here’s the sequence:

First and 10: Handoff to LeGarrette Blount for 4 yards.

Second and 6: Handoff to Blount for 5 yards.

Third and 1: Ineligible receiver penalty and handoff to Blount (from the shotgun!) for -2 yards. Penalty is declined and the Eagles kick.

By the third play, everyone in the stadium knew the run was coming, even if Doug tried to outsmart them by lining up in the shotgun.

The Eagles luckily recovered a Redskins fumble on the return and scored their second touchdown on the drive.

The second also involves Blount.

You can argue the Eagles got him SPECIFICALLY to chew up clock late in the fourth quarter. When they got the ball at their own 15 with 12:21 to go following a Jalen Mills interception. Here’s what they decided to do:

One touch for Blount (no gain), following a run out of the shotgun (!) and two passes. Four of the first six plays of the drive were passes, and the Eagles chewed only a little more than five minutes of clock and wound up punting from their own territory. This is a nitpick, to be sure, but if you are going to use Blount, this is the situation to do it in. Rather, we have Darren Sproles and Wendell Smallwood running out of the shotgun.

Come on.

That said, I did like Doug’s playcalling at the end of the first drive mentioned here, when the Eagles got inside the 10 at the start of the second quarter. The bubble screen-whatever to Agholor was an excellent play-call but a bad throw by Wentz which Agholor, improbably, saved. And while some on Twitter seemed upset at the strategy behind him running Blount OUT OF THE SHOTGUN and then passing to Celek and Blount (TOUCHDOWN!) from the 3-yard line, I think this is where Doug’s gadget-y offense excels. There was some degree of “trickeration,” and indeed throwing to Blount, who put on a shifty move at the one, worked. These play-calls have their place, but Doug uses them too frequently at mid-field and zaps the life out of drives.

The drive to end the first half that resulted in a field goal was also excellent:

  The dumb screen

This is why Torrey Smith’s NFL stock is so low. He was awful on this play. He missed a block…

… and then didn’t even attempt to get the ball while Carson Wentz was diving into the pile:

    Ronald Darby

The good news is that it’s just dislocated.

BUT COME ON:

It’s bad http://pic.twitter.com/QODlMMIuZE

— Kyle Scott (@CrossingBroad) September 10, 2017

  The replacements

Jalen Mills and Patrick Robinson did an excellent job in replacing Darby and covering Terrelle Pryor, who was held in check for most of the game. I don’t know if I’d count on that kind of reliability for the rest of the year, but for one game they stepped up big time.

  Missed tackles

The Redskins’ second touchdown when Chris Thompson evaded 11 EAGLES TACKLERS was embarrassing and easy to ridicule. But other than that the defense played excellent. Kirk Cousins was under pressure all day and though he never reached full Eli Manning, he was never able to get comfortable in the pocket. I actually thought he played well given the circumstances. He’s a gamer, and he used his legs late in the game to keep the Redskins in it. But all the credit in the world goes to the outstanding defensive line, which got pressure on almost every play. And when Jim Schwartz did decide to Blitz, linebackers and secondary players got in the backfield almost at will. So while we’ll remember the play with the missed tackles, it’s worth noting that it was a rare miscue from an otherwise excellent defensive effort, capped off by Fletcher Cox recovering an incomplete pass and running into the end zone like a fat duck.

  Special teams

The penetration on the kick coverage is outstanding.

Penetration.

  LeGarrette Blount

I actually thought he played well. He didn’t break off any big runs, but he ran downhill on several occasions and was able to pick up healthy gains when he broke through the line. He looks like he still has something left in the tank and runs with some level of effort, which is good to see. I actually could’ve used more of him yesterday, like on that late fourth quarter drive where the Eagles needed to chew up clock.

  Wentz to Ertz

Shades of the Sproles play from a year ago:

Underrated play from Wentz. Avoids a sack, throws perfect pass to Ertz for a big 3rd down conversion in a 2-point game #Eagles http://pic.twitter.com/00Xy4jev0W

— Eliot Shorr-Parks (@EliotShorrParks) September 11, 2017

  Zach Ertz

I’m pretty sure we broke this down plenty leading up to the game, but there’s no reason Ertz shouldn’t be a top tight end this season. This is exactly what was expected of him yesterday. The touchdown balls will come, and then presumably go right to Mike Trout.

  Decisions

While everyone feels good about the win today, and it’s useless piling on Doug after what was a rough week that quite honestly he probably didn’t deserve (even if there was some truth to the stories about him), it’s worth mentioning the sometimes maddening decisions he makes.

Sending the offense back out there on fourth and 1, up 2, was silly. Even though it was simply to try to draw the Redskins offside and get a first down, the game still very much hung in the balance at that point and wasting at timeout seemed foolish. Just kick the field goal to go up five and keep all three of the timeouts in case you need them. Don’t get cute. I’m not sure what it was, but Duce Staley didn’t like something about the play:

The two-point conversion came likely because Caleb Sturgis hurt his hip and had already missed a PAT earlier in the game, so I’ll give Doug the benefit of the doubt here. But since “math” was such a big topic last week, mentioned both in Jeffery Lurie’s and Pederson’s press conferences, it’s worth pointing out that this was probably the wrong decision. Kicking the PAT would’ve put the Eagles up 12 and meant the Redskins had to score two touchdowns. Had the Eagles not converted the two-point conversion, then the Redskins would’ve only need a touchdown with two-point conversion and field goal to tie. So, mathematically speaking, this is not a situation to go for it.

  Gatorade bath

Contrary to what most might expect, I actually didn’t hate the Gatorade bath. Sure, it was hokey, but Pederson was coming off a rough week and the Eagles have struggled against the Redskins. I actually thought it was a cool show of support for the coach.

Zach Ertz on Gatorade bath for Doug

"There was a lotta hoopla with the article (@PhillyInquirer) that came out the day before the game…" http://pic.twitter.com/27Pg4TQTF3

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 10, 2017

Jason Peters on Gatorade bath, articles ripping Doug

"Thats Philly" "Pressure's on him"

"We had to get this win for Doug"#Eagles🦅 http://pic.twitter.com/P4l2SxnSsO

— John Clark CSN/NBC (@JClarkCSN) September 10, 2017

  They like each other!

Not pictured here is Jim Schwartz’s other hand stabbing Doug Pederson in the back.

  Snaps

Here is the playing time distribution from Sunday's win over Washington: http://pic.twitter.com/5mceeEHbWu

— Zach Berman (@ZBerm) September 11, 2017

For everyone saying Mack Hollins was going to take Jordan Matthews’ role… he got five snaps. Interestingly, Nelson Agholor got only 42 and still had 6 catches for 86 yards.

  Think fast

According to @profootballfocus.com #Eagles O line gave up 17 QB pressures (2 sacks, 3 QB hits, 12 hurries), tying Arizona for 2nd most.

— Ed Kracz (@kracze) September 11, 2017

Wentz was blitzed on a career high 47 percent of his dropbacks, per ESPN Stats & Info. Unfazed, he went 11-of-18 for 119 yards and a TD.

— Tim McManus (@Tim_McManus) September 11, 2017

Not bad.

Next week, the Chiefs. Thumbtack.

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Tulsa football, 2017 AAC champs? If this offense is truly plug-and-play, maybe so

If the Golden Hurricane have a QB, look out.

“College football is so better when [Historically Great Team] is great.” We hear statements like that quite a bit. We all have our own definition of what makes this silly sport so enjoyable, but it frequently has to do with guys in certain helmets playing good ball.

Typically, that stems from who was good during the formative stages of our fandom. When a team is dominant as your impression of a sport is taking shape, it’s just going to feel natural when that team is dominant again at some later date.

That goes for salty mid-majors, too, at least in my book.

I grew up in Oklahoma, and while my formative years skewed more toward the mid- to late-1980s, when OU and Miami were running college football, my umbrella was only beginning to expand. Catching a mid-major — or even a lower-tier power conference team — on television was a rarity. But when I did catch one, I was fascinated.

I remember being fascinated by a school called Tulane when the Green Wave (coached by a young up-and-comer named Mack Brown) took on Washington in the 1987 Independence Bowl. I remember them taking the lead in the second quarter before succumbing.

I remember Maine playing on TV and loving the black-and-sky-blue uni combination.

I remember Tulsa falling in a tight one to Oregon in the 1989 Independence Bowl. And I remember Tulsa wrecking shop on most of its opponents two years later.

Dave Rader’s 1991 Golden Hurricane beat Oklahoma State, then knocked off No. 15 Texas A&M two weeks later. They lost only at a decent Kansas and to eventual national champion Miami at home. (It was scoreless after the first quarter before turnovers helped Miami ease ahead.)

They wrapped the season up by taking down San Diego State and running back Marshall Faulk, 28-17, in the Freedom Bowl in Anaheim. Faulk rushed for 153 yards, but Tulsa’s Ron Jackson rushed for 211.

Tulsa didn’t do anything special; the Golden Hurricane were just good. And it seemed natural for them to be good. Though they would never again reach similar heights under Rader or successor Keith Burns, my impression was that it was Tulsa’s place in the world to be a salty mid-major capable of taking on anyone.

The program has lived up to that reputation more in the last 14 years than ever before. Steve Kragthorpe took the Golden Hurricane to three bowls in four years, then left for Louisville. Todd Graham engineered three 10-win seasons in four years, then left for Pitt. Bill Blankenship kept the ship sailing for two years before falling off, but Philip Montgomery needed almost no time at all to get the program back on course. From 2-10 in 2014, Tulsa has risen to 6-7 in 2015 and 10-3 in 2016.

Last fall saw the best Tulsa defense in three years and the best Tulsa offense in five. Most of the key defensive pieces are back, and on offense, the run game should be excellent again. The remodeled passing game will determine whether the Hurricane fall back toward minor bowl territory or threaten for the AAC crown.

Montgomery’s rebuild has been impressive, and it has begun to look comprehensive. Montgomery was Art Briles’ quarterbacks coach at Stephenville (Tex.) High School in the late-1990s and took on the same role at Houston in 2003. He followed Briles to Waco and served as offensive coordinator until he moved to Tulsa in 2015. Granted, being a Briles mentee has taken on different meaning over the last year or so, and the fact that Montgomery spent seven years with Briles in Waco leaves a “what did he know, and when?” impression that’s hard to shake, fair or unfair. But from a football perspective, what Baylor did on the field is an effective example to follow.

Montgomery’s version of the offense has just about reached plug-and-play automation (something that will be tested this year with the rebuilding of the passing game), and the defense fits the same aggressive mold that Baylor pulled off in Briles’ peak. The Hurricane get division rivals Navy, Houston, and Memphis at home — Temple, too, for that matter — and are basically a quarterback away from being a potential AAC favorite.

2016 in review

2016 Tulsa statistical profile.

One positive effect of teams that combine offensive efficiency with defensive aggression: it’s pretty easy to tell where they stand. If they have the athletes to make disruptive plays and force turnovers and three-and-outs on defense, then they do so. If they don’t have an athletic advantage, they probably don’t.

This is a pretty good recipe for manhandling inferior opposition but getting pushed around by better teams.

Tulsa vs. S&P+ top 60 (1-3): Avg. percentile performance: 47% (~top 70) | Avg. yards per play: Opp 6.2, TU 5.9 | Avg. score: Opp 40, TU 33 | Avg. plays per game: Opp 78, TU 77

Tulsa vs. No. 61-plus (9-0): Avg. percentile performance: 63% (~top 50) | Avg. yards per play: TU 6.2, Opp 5.1 | Avg. score: TU 47, Opp 29 | Avg. plays per game: TU 90, Opp 78

Against lesser teams, Tulsa controlled the ball — both through offensive efficiency and the ability to make aggressive defensive stops — and wore opponents down. Against better opponents, their defense got burned more, and opponents were able to play keep-away enough to derive an advantage.

Granted, this effect was magnified by the fact that all four of Tulsa’s games against top-60 teams came on the road, but it’s pretty easy to see where the line was for the Hurricane. And it’s easy to see how important ball control was. That won’t change in 2017, but the onus might shift more to the offense.

Offense

Full advanced stats glossary.

Maybe my favorite Ian Boyd piece for SB Nation is one from 2013, in which he lays out all the minor details of Briles’ offense, a.k.a. “college football’s most unstoppable system.”

First is Baylor's employment of the spread offense. Baylor's spread is more intense than most, with even the inside receivers lining up outside of the hash marks. Most every team in college football utilizes some aspect of spread tactics, but everything Baylor does is built around spacing out defenses so that individual matchups can be hammered.

On the outside, speed is king. Baylor sends every receiver vertical early and often in every game. In particular, they love that most defensive schemes match safeties or linebackers in coverage against their slot receivers, so they make a habit of using play action or vertical routes. That makes safeties have to turn and run with 4.4 sprinters like Reese. [...]

The Bear attack to the middle of the field is all about power. ... Baylor's run game is primarily based in inside zone and power-O blocking. Meaning, defensive linemen are constantly getting blocked at an angle or by double teams coming straight at them.

Baylor then pairs these running concepts with quarterback reads. Bryce Petty can either throw a perimeter screen or quick pass or keep the ball himself, based on his read of "overhang" defenders. These are the players who are being stressed to choose whether they'll align outside to run down a screen pass or inside to fill an interior running play. Read-option concepts guarantee those defenders are always wrong.

Of course, Baylor also has some of the best play-action as well. Old school, new school, it's all there in Waco.

Tulsa’s 2016 offense featured most of the necessary pieces for this dominant attack. The Golden Hurricane’s top three receivers combined to average 14 yards per catch, and their top two rushers averaged 5.9 yards per carry with above-average explosiveness. Quarterback Dane Evans didn’t quite have the mobility component necessary for full Baylorization, but this got pretty close. Tulsa ranked in the top 40 in both Rushing S&P+ and Passing S&P+ and combined third-down conversions (20th in FBS) with big plays (244 gains of 10-plus yards, 71 of 20-plus) and a relentless tempo in a way that made the attack unstoppable against most teams.

Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

Justin Hobbs

It’s easy to assume that an offense like this becomes plug-and-play after a while? You lost your QB? Well, the next guy will do as well. Two 1,000-yard receivers are gone? Two more will emerge.

Montgomery’s only entering his third season in Tulsa, though. We don’t know for sure that he has been able to put together the pieces he needs for seamless production.

We don’t know that former star recruit Chad President is ready to begin living up to hype. He worked with the first string quite a bit this spring and went 12-for-20 in the spring game. He has potentially high-end mobility, too. But can he hit the vertical passes? And if he can’t, are sophomore Will Hefley III or redshirt freshman Luke Skipper ready to take over?

We don’t know if D’Angelo Brewer has a battery mate this year. Brewer and James Flanders combined to rush for 3,000 yards, but Flanders had the edge in both efficiency and explosiveness. Can senior Rowdy Simon or a sophomore like Corey Taylor II or big Javon Thomas live up to that standard?

We don’t know that the next two in line will match the production of inside receiver Keevan Lucas and outside receiver Josh Atkinson. They averaged 14.1 yards per catch with a 53 percent success rate; granted, junior Justin Hobbs averaged 13.7 per catch at 52 percent, but who steps up at inside receiver? Sophomore Keenen Johnson (10.2, 60 percent)? Senior Bishop Louie (7.0, 17 percent)? A three-star redshirt freshman (Josh Stewart, Jordan Brown) or true freshman (Sam Crawford, Keylon Stokes)?

We do know that Tulsa will have one of the best lines in the AAC; four of last year’s starters are back, including three all-conference guys: center Chandler Miller, guard Tyler Bowling, and tackle Evan Plagg. But we’ll pretty quickly find out if Tulsa is at plug-and-play status everywhere else.

Rob Ferguson-USA TODAY Sports

Chad President

Defense

The philosophy of the post-Baylor defense is simple: you’ve got an explosive, relentless offense that is going to take a ton of snaps and score a ton of points. In theory, you just need to break serve a few times with your defense. You will allow points and yards, but if you can flip the field with a few three-and-outs and a couple of turnovers, it will be almost impossible for the opponent to keep up.

Tulsa lived that in 2016. The Golden Hurricane ranked eighth in FBS, allowing a 35.1 percent success rate; they also ranked 121st in IsoPPP, a measure of the magnitude of those successful plays. They forced three-and-outs on 30 percent of their possessions (ninth) and forced 21 turnovers (53rd) while giving up 33 gains of 30-plus yards (92nd).

Relatively speaking, the pass defense was further along than the run defense, though really, only three teams ran the ball well, and two (Ohio State and Navy, which combined to gain 658 yards at 5.9 per carry) ran well against most. That leaves only one abnormally awful performance: Tulane gained 355 yards at 7.2 per carry.

Tulsa returns six starters and most of its second stringers, but this could be a situation where strength gets stronger and weakness gets weaker. The run defense will certainly struggle to improve without its backbone — tackles Jerry Uwaezuoke and Hayden Carman, middle linebacker Trent Martin, and strong safety Jeremy Brady are all gone.

Granted, their departures could allow for a few veterans to thrive. Tackle Kolton Shindelar and linebacker Petera Wilson Jr., both seniors, combined for 12 tackles for loss last year in limited action. Of course, 9.5 were sacks. That doesn’t say much about run support.

If run defense does improve, it will probably be because of young heft. Sophomore tackle Shemarr Robinson (6’3, 307 pounds) is an exciting prospect, and three-star redshirt freshmen Johnnie Williams (6’3, 309) and Tyarise Stevenson (6’3, 340) packed on the pounds in their year off of the field.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

McKinley Whitfield & Jesse Brubaker

Either way, though, the pass defense should be stupendous. Losing Brady hurts, but corners Kerwin Thomas, Reggie Robinson II, and Keanu Hill (combined: 22 passes defensed) all return, as do safeties Jordan Mitchell and McKinley Whitfield (14 passes defensed, 3.5 tackles for loss). The defensive backs didn’t create as much havoc as you’d like to see in this type of defense, but they could with better experience.

Meanwhile, a pass rush that ranked a disappointing 90th in Adj. Sack Rate should improve. First, Shindelar and Wilson are both excellent pass rushers who will see the field more. Second, senior ends Jesse Brubaker and Jeremy Smith (combined: 21.5 TFLs, 9.5 sacks) return, as does linebacker Craig Suits (9 TFLs, 3.5 sacks).

Assuming Tulsa can actually leverage opponents into passing downs, they should be able to capitalize. But that’s assumption is far from certain.

Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

Craig Suits

Special Teams

Tulsa ranked 49th in Special Teams S&P+ in 2016 despite a couple of sketchy coverage units. Place-kicker Redford Jones is excellent in the field goals department (17-for-18 under 40 yards, 67-for-67 on PATs), but he rarely reached the end zone with his kickoffs. Meanwhile, punter Dalton Parks averaged a decent 41.8 yards per kick but also allowed 8.3 yards per return.

Parks is gone, which could be an issue if Tulsa has to punt a hair more. Still, this unit should be a net positive. Jones assures Tulsa of points even when scoring opportunities stall out, and both Bishop Louie (kick returns) and Keidrien Wadley (punt returns) are somewhere between solid and awesome.

2017 outlook

2017 Schedule & Projection Factors

Date Opponent Proj. S&P+ Rk Proj. Margin Win Probability 2-Sep at Oklahoma State 22 -17.8 15% 9-Sep UL-Lafayette 112 12.0 76% 16-Sep at Toledo 59 -8.3 31% 23-Sep New Mexico 110 11.8 75% 30-Sep Navy 71 1.1 52% 7-Oct at Tulane 94 3.1 57% 14-Oct Houston 49 -4.4 40% 21-Oct at Connecticut 125 11.5 75% 27-Oct at SMU 81 -0.1 50% 3-Nov Memphis 61 -3.0 43% 18-Nov at South Florida 56 -8.5 31% 25-Nov Temple 67 -1.8 46%

Projected S&P+ Rk 77 Proj. Off. / Def. Rk 78 / 68 Projected wins 5.9 Five-Year S&P+ Rk -3.8 (87) 2- and 5-Year Recruiting Rk 87 / 84 2016 TO Margin / Adj. TO Margin* 0 / 2.5 2016 TO Luck/Game -1.0 Returning Production (Off. / Def.) 52% (29%, 75%) 2016 Second-order wins (difference) 9.7 (0.3)

What I see in Tulsa: a team that is led by one of college football’s better offensive minds and features a defense with enough experience to improve on last year’s No. 77 Def. S&P+ ranking.

If we assume a high floor for the offense, and defensive improvement offsets minor offensive regression, then Tulsa is a potential top-50 team that could be favored in up to 10 games and will have a serious role in the AAC West race.

What S&P+ sees in Tulsa: a team that has to replace a disturbing amount of its passing attack with no proven replacements. The Hurricane return only 29 percent of last year’s offensive production, a level that almost guarantees regression, and they are projected to fall to 78th in Off. S&P+ because of it.

With a No. 77 overall projection, S&P+ sees Tulsa laboring to reach bowl eligibility, thanks to a schedule that features lots of tough home games and trips to Oklahoma State, Toledo, and USF.

Really, then, this season comes down to the plug-and-play status of the offense. If Montgomery’s system is to the point where it can function at a high level no matter who is throwing or catching passes, then Tulsa’s going to be an excellent team this year. But it’s hard to get a read on what this team has in the receiving corps, and it takes a lot of trust in Montgomery to assume the best.

Of course, Montgomery has earned some trust on offense, hasn’t he?

Team preview stats

All preview data to date.