#i miss sincerely your dearest friend it was so good. events that worried me but turned out to be written for me

[toestalucia]

(saw something from awl) i need to make a billion posts about farming sim/modern gran & their relation to their dad again

[whaleofatjme1920]

Creepypasta letter

Platonic, Laughing Jack

She/her pronouns

Dearest Jack,

Where do I even begin. It's been ages since I've seen you, and I'm afraid things haven't gone as I'd hoped. Without you, my life is void of color and vibrancy. Ironic isn't it? I can say this though, I think things are finally looking up. I have a girlfriend now and I think I'm making friends. It's been rough without you, we were supposed to share these things together. I just hope you aren't alone now, I hope you've found someone to keep you company. And if you don't mind me saying, I hope you have some color in your life. I remember all the things we used to do together, maybe we could reconnect and make more memories. But like I said before, it's been a while. I've changed a whole lot and maybe you wouldn't even recognize me anymore. But I'd never forget you.

Sincerely,

Emily

[Disclaimer: Letters To Those you Hold Dear is a special event I'm holding from December 9th - whenever I feel like closing it! The absolute deadline is December 21st. Find guidelines here so you can send a letter or two to those you hold dear <3]

Dearest gumdrop,

Good heavens has it been quite some time! I miss you ever so dearly. Do you know what it's like without you? Life has lost all its flavor. You're my very best friend, and I have so much tea I desire to spill! All of my moping aside, I'm ever so proud of you for having a girlfriend. Is she treating you right? Making you happy and smile? Sharing the workload with good communication skills? I'm sure she's fantastic for you. Congratulations on making some new friends! It's very hard to make those. Take it easy and slow.

My dear, that's just what friendships do. Sometimes, we grow apart and we grow without each other. However, that does not mean I love you any less or that we are now strangers. It is simply an opportunity for me to get to know the person you've become. I'm fine. I do my work as I do, have plenty of people to talk to but none of them are like you. You're still my very best friend. We'll catch up soon, don't you worry one bit. I'd be more than happy to see the fantastic your adult you've grown into after all these years. Do ring me sometime if you have the chance.

It's been an absolute blessing hearing from you. I hope to see you soon.

All of my love,

L.J.

[fandomscombine]

It's the Lease I Can Do

Platonic! Weasley Twins x Reader

BG: The Weasley twins are so close to having their joke shop become a reality. They had found the perfect location but they had hit a minor problem that could cause them everything. You want to help, but how can you when they, the birthday boys themselves had given up?

a/n: I had this idea for a almst a year now and waited til ther twins bday to write it. I hope you enjoy.

WC: 2111

>>>MASTERLIST<<<

Fred and George causing a ruckus in the common room is a daily occurrence that everyone is accustomed to. However ever since the start of Year 7, the amount of commotion these two had caused can be counted in one hand.

At first glance, it could be attributed to NEWTS or in this year's case-to a pink toad acting as High Inquisitor. Still, more and more nights the twins had claimed the back corner of the common room.

~

The last remaining batch of students were making their way through Filch's checkpoint (an added security protection which also serves for Umbridge having a list of names on who comes in and out of Hogwarts). You glanced down at your watch- 2:27pm, they’re late. Weird, the twins never pass a chance to go to Hogsmeade.

You hear the castle door open behind you. Thank Merlin, you thought but instead you were greeted with a disheveled Angelina. “I’m coming! Wait!”

“Have you seen Fred and George?” You called as she ran past you.

“I think I saw them in the common room!” Angelina shouted back.

The common room? “What are they up to now?” You sighed. Stomping heavily up the stairs. “Ditching me….”

~

“Oi Weaslebees! I know you’re in here!” You rounded the corner of their secret spot. “AHa!”

You caught them red handed, midway into shoving papers into their “Weasley & Weasley'' Trunk. Though what they were hiding, you weren't exactly sure.

“Y/N!” Fred greeted, grabbing onto your shoulders, effectively covering George and the table. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”

Narrowing your eyes at him. “Really?” Hands on hips you blatantly say “2:15 am, courtyard?? Ring any bells?” Fred shook his head.

Meanwhile George’s head shot up. “Oh shit, y/n we’re so sorry!”

Fred turned to his brother, still clueless on what the heck George was talking about.

Abandoning the trunk, George gave his twin a classic smack on the head. “Hogsmeade, you idiot! We were supposed to all go together.”

“OHHHH FU--” Fred knew he was screwed. “I’M SO SORRY! WE’RE SORRY.” Seizing the messy trunk, he strategized. “Right, here’s the plan: I’m gonna quickly drop this off back in the dorm while you two make your way to the gate. If you run, I guess you can make it. I’ll catch up with you two then.”

“Fred….. We’re not gonna make it” you argued.

“Not if we don’t try.”

“It’s almost 3, Filch would be closing the gates by now.” You sat down on Fred’s empty seat. “Besides we can go to Hogsmeade next time, we could just hang out here. I miss having my best lads around.”

“Awww…we’ve been upgraded from annoying pricks to best lads!” Gushed George, pulling you into a side hug.

“Yea, I could help in whatever it was you guys were doing before I came. I don’t mind.”

At that, you could feel George tense up, his arm around you dropping. “Uhhh…” He looked to the older twin, silently conversing.

You gaze between the boys, sometimes they get so caught up in their scheming that they don’t notice that to others, especially those who had known them for years that their non verbal communication is not so sly.

In the end, Fred gave his brother a subtle shake. “No, that’s alright. I’ll just put this back and we could play gobstones or something, anything you like.”

As Fred headed up to his dorm room, you noticed a piece of paper under the table. Picking it up, the header caught your eye. RE: Lease Agreement. Were the twins looking for a new home after graduation? You didn’t mean to pry. You were close friends, they would tell you if they were moving right? This is big news….you decided to brush it off until another line caught your attention. The shop premise located at Number 93 Diagon Alley. Shop? They are trying to set up shop? That’s brilliant! The twins would get to showcase their inventions to the world! You could feel your pride swell. Leasing Agreements would not proceed if tenants, Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley, are unable to provide an endorser by the date of 31st of March.

“Where’d you get that?” George standing across from you, gobstones on one hand and another pointing at the document. There’s no backing out now.

“It was under the table.” You explained. “I didn’t know you were this far along with the shop.”

“Yea, well it’s not happening now is it?”

“What?”

“Cmon y/n. I know you read it.”

“I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s alright. We aren’t getting the place anyway.”

“Wait what? Why?”

“No endorsers.” George stated matter of factly but you sense the pain in his voice.

“How about your parents surely-”

George laughed. “As if mum would suddenly have a change of heart. You knew how she disapproves of our inventions, calling it a waste.”

“Arthur then.”

“Mum won’t let him.”

“Anyone then?” George huffed in defeat. “How about me! I could back you up.”

“You have to be an adult with a proven financial stability.” He stated, effectively shutting you down. “Forget it y/n. The hold ends in 3 days. We’ve tried everything. Just don’t let Fred know that you know. He’s devastated. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“And no pity, sad eyes!” He added as footsteps are heard descending the staircase.

“But I suck at poker faces!”

“Then let’s hope that Freddie is distracted even to not notice.”

~

It’s been 4 days since you had sent the letter to your father.

“Dear papa,

I know that this is a huge favour to ask but I believe it would be worth your while.

So remember back in the summer when you caught Fred Weasley, George Weasley and me snooping around with the Extendable Ears but let us go because you were so enamored?

Well turns out the twins and trying to get a shop up and running! How amazing is that?

The only problem is that they need an endorser to back them up in order to proceed with the lease agreements. The are currently on hold for the Shop Number 93 in Diagon Alley until the 31st.

This is where the huge favour comes in. Could you please be their backer? You did say that you’d love to help in some part in their invention, be an investor of sorts. Please papa. I would love to do it myself but I have to wait a couple more months to qualify. Plus it’s their 18th birthday on April 1st. Imagine their surprise if it were to come through.

I’d love to hear from you soon, regardless of your choice.

Your favourite child

y/n.”

The twin’s 18th birthday was spent with absolute love and madness.

Lee had unloaded his stash of butterbeer and firewhiskey, Fred had slipped Angelina with one of their new prank inventions- which changes the person into a sickly color of vomit green, a perfect way to ditch class or events.

Upon learning that the color would last for a few days and would only fade with the ingestion of an antidote, antidote that George said they still had yet to create. Angelina (understandably) threw cake at them. The Gryffindor chaser with perfect aim, hits its mark. However, Fred using his beater skills, instinctively blocks the incoming cake.

Resulting in a wide splat zone. Fred’s arm was covered in frosting, having sprayed everyone around him in whipped cream during the impact. George wasn’t safe too, despite being across from Fred, the rebounce of the cake had made him the new target.

You had just changed into your pajamas when a tapping sound came from your window.

Your family owl, Lanny, was outside carrying a large yellow envelope.

Quickly letting him in, you gave Lanny a gentle pat and brought out some owl treats for the tired bird.

Unscrolling the note tied to his leg, you begin to read.

“My dearest y/n,

My sincere apologies for the late reply, it’s been quite hectic at work.

In regards to your favour, you need not worry. Everything is taken care of. I had met with the landlord of Number 93 Diagon Alley and had all the documents settled. I had also gone and checked to make sure the two lads aren’t being ripped off. Fred and George had picked a nice prime location.

Greet them a happy birthday for me alright? And tell them that I look forward to witnessing them succeed in their endeavors.

They would undoubtedly be bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times. The people would be thankful for them.

I also had Lanny bring the twins’ copy of the Lease Agreement.

I can’t wait to see you all soon.

Much love,

Papa.”

~

Fred was grateful that their friends had retired into the night, leaving him and George to sulk into the dreadful reality.

“We were this close Georgie, this close!” Fred winced, pinching his fingers close without touching.

“I know but there was nothing else we could have done.” consoled George but even he himself was having a hard time. Number 93 was the perfect location for their joke shop. But now it’s gone.They are back to square one, scouting for locations.

“Fred! George! There you are! I have great news!” You yelled, not caring if you could wake up the other students.

“Oi Y/N! Be careful!.” Even in a bad mood, Fred Weasley couldn’t help being protective.

You banged the envelope on the table. “Surprise! Happy Birthday! From papa and I.”

“Another gift?” wondered George.

“So you don’t want it then?” You challenged, crossing your arms. You tried to look intimidating but the pajamas weren’t doing any good. “Cause I bet a hundred galleons that you’d shit your pants if you were to reject it.”

“That confident eh?” Smirked Fred, taking the contents of the envelope out. “ What do you think is so grand that Georgie and I would---BLOODY HELL! Y/N!” Fred kept looking down at the paper and up to you, unbelieving.

“What is it Freddie?” asked George leaning over to read whatever it was that left his brother speechless.

Re: Lease Agreement

Mr. y/l/n has submitted his endorsement to Mr. Fred Weasley and Mr. George Weasley.

The turnover of the leasing property of Shop Number 93 Diagon Alley would begin on April 1st …..

“Oh My- Y/n? Is this real?” George whispered, afraid that if he were any louder this dream would end.

“Yes, absolutely, 100%.” You affirmed. “The shop is yours! Opff-”

George embraced you tight, catching you off guard. You could feel your right shoulder getting wet. “Heyya big guy, don’t cry.” Running a hand up and down his back.

“But how?” Fred with brows creased was still stuck in a trance, you could see the paper shake in his grasp.

“You left the agreement noticed a couple of days ago. I might have accidentally read it. George said to not let you know cause you might get angry-”

“YOu KNEW?!?”

“George only knew I saw the paper. Nothing else.” You defended. “I thought i might try and help, so I called in a favour with papa. You knew how much he was impressed with the Extendable Ear, so I mentioned if he wanted to back you up. I only got his reply just now, said he’d love to and got onto ironing out the paperwork and viola!” Pointing at the document. “Oh and he also said Happy 18th Birthday, looking forward to your success and the people would be thankful for bringing a lot of much needed joy into these darkening times.”

“Thanks Y/n but this is a lot we can’t possibly-”

You cut Fred off before he could say more. “Oh please, you have done countless things for me. And I know what you’re gonna say- but see you would do the same for me. Besides think of this as your first investors. We want to help. We see your potential, we know you two, Fred, George, are gifted with bringing laughter and joy to people with your inventions."

"Thank you, truly y/n and to your dad too." Fred admitted, opening himself up. "No one's really backed us up with our inventions before, we've been always told off for being childish. It really means a lot."

“Hey, it’s the lease I could do.” You replied, causing the twins to chuckle immediately lightening up the mood.

It's great to see them relax again after weeks of stressing over the shop. Times might be changing but at least tonight, you got your best lads back.

~

Everything Taglist : @gruffle1

HP Taglist: @onlyfreds

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Gundham angst. It’s after his execution, you & the Devas sleep in his cottage with his scarf heartbroken. The next morning the Devas wake you up & take you to Gundham’s desk. You open the drawer & find a letter that he wrote if he died. You read it & it’s him apologizing he’s not with you, how much he loves you, favorite dates, how you met. In the letter you find one of his rings that he would give to you if he were to propose. The Devas snuggle to comfort you and you feel better.

Oh my god....this is so....I love it.

His Last Wish-Gundham Tanaka x Reader

You felt numb.

You felt nothing but despair and sadness as you stared at the screen where you had watched your boyfriend Gundham get run over by a stampede of animals. Even as you heard the others walk to the elevator, you remained. You didn’t want to leave. You couldn’t. If you left without him, then it would become reality.

Eventually you heard footsteps come up behind you, though you didn’t turn around. “Y/N?” You heard Fuyuhiko’s voice. “You should come on. Staying here...it won’t do any good.”

You looked down at the floor. “...I...I can’t, Fuyuhiko.” You whispered. “I can’t go on without him.”

The Yakuza sighed. “I understand what you’re feeling right now, Y/N. It’s...it’s hard. Fuck, is it hard. But you gotta think about what he would want.” You bit your lip at that. “He’d want you to live. Those were his last words, remember? That was why he did what he did. To make sure the rest of us could live.”

You were quiet for a while until four furry little critters popped out of the purple scarf you had been gifted before Gundham’s death. They nuzzled your face, and you sighed. “Right. That’s right.” You turned and gave Fuyuhiko a very small smile. “Thank you, Fuyuhiko. I’ll...I’ll be going now.” As you finished speaking, you walked past him to the elevator.

~~~

You made your way to Gundham’s cottage and opened the door. You placed the Devas in their cage before stumbling over to the breeder’s bed and collapsing onto it. You held onto his scarf tightly, and you could still smell his scent of pumpkin and cedarwood. This only made tears well in your eyes as you clutched the fabric. “W...why? Why, Gundham?!” You cried into his pillow. “Why did you leave me?! I need you! I...I know you wanted to save us, but....b-but...I can’t do this without you. I can’t...I...” You whimpered softly as you closed your eyes, clinging to Gundham’s scarf as you slowly cried yourself to sleep.

~~~

You awoke the next morning to something gently poking your cheek. You blinked open your eyes to see San-D next to your face. You gave a small smile. “Hey, San-D.” You greeted the hamster quietly, your voice breaking. The Dark Deva squeaked at you before scurrying off the bed. As you sat up you watched her run over to a desk. You noticed the other three Devas were there as well.

Curious, you stood and made your way over to it. Jum-P leaned over the desk and pawed at a drawer. Furrowing your brow, you opened it. Inside, you saw a folded piece of paper that had the words ‘To my Dark Queen Y/N. Read only in the event of my death.’ on the front. You bit your lip before taking the paper and sitting down on the bed. You hesitated on reading it, just staring at it for a while. You only gave in when the Devas gently nudged your hands. With a sigh, you unfolded the paper. When you did, something tumbled out. You picked it up, and you felt like crying again as you recognized it as one of Gundham’s rings. You let out a shaky breath as you placed it to the side, then began reading the paper.

~~~

My dearest Dark Queen,

If you are reading this, then the impossible has come to pass. I have been struck down. I have no doubt the only way this has come to pass is I perished protecting you. If this is the case, I have no regrets. However, I sincerely apologize I can no longer be with you. I wish I could stay beside you and leave that cursed island.

I am sorry that cannot happen.

I love you from the bottom of my dark heart. You have made each passing moment in this miserable killing game bearable. You are the most incredible, stunning angel I have ever had the fortune to encounter, and even now I still cannot believe you wished to be with such a cursed being as myself.

But I am grateful. I am grateful for every time you held my poisoned hand. I am grateful for each blissful kiss you planted on my tainted lips. I am grateful for every moment I spent in your presence. I am grateful for you.

Do you recall how we met, my love? You came to the shelter I had been offering my assistance to requesting help for your familiar. You showed such worry and passion for your pet’s wellbeing. You were already aware of everything that was required to keep them healthy, and what you needed to get them well. I was so surprised and pleased with your love for beasts, I struck up a conversation. It turned out the two of us shared many passions, and we became friends rather quickly.

After that day, you visited me at the shelter. You spoke with me when I was not busy, and eventually you requested the two of us go and watch a movie together. So we did, and we quite enjoyed the other’s company.

You were not aware of it, my angel, but I had already fallen for you. No one had ever showed such an interest in my passions or myself before. You were special, and I did not need the All Seeing Eye to know that.

We continued to do this for quite some time, until eventually, you confessed to me. It took me completely by surprise. I never would have expected you to return my affections. You had assumed my reaction was one of disgust, so out of panic I kissed you. I was cursing myself for doing so when it was not even official we were dating, but I relaxed when you returned it. Ever since that eventful day, for a few wonderful years now, we have been together, and I treasured each moment.

I believe my favorite of our dates was the occasion we visited the local zoo. I do believe you were more excited for the event than I was. With each beast we encountered you would grow ever more excited.

I found it incredibly adorable.

I adored watching you gush over each creature, explaining facts I already knew, but I did not care. I loved how you looked while you were commenting on how well made the habitats were, or how cute you found the animals. I loved hearing you talk about your passions. The way your eyes light up and your mouth upturns and reveals your hidden dimples is one of the many things I am going to miss seeing.

Another date I adored was the night of our first real kiss. Of course the day we became official I kissed you, but I never considered that our first kiss, for I did that out of panic. Then came that night, where we laid underneath the stars and pointed out constellations. You became cold, so I shed my coat and offered it to you, laying it across you.

Of course, than I soon began to be stricken with the night air, so you came up with a solution. You pulled me close to you, draping my jacket across the both of us. I was completely surprised and unsure what to do as you held me close, nuzzling into my chest with the most adorable smile on your face.

As I looked down at you, I quickly relaxed, and made a decision. I gently caressed your beautiful face, and as you looked up to me I kissed your soft lips lightly. I could feel you smile into the kiss. It became a loving and passionate moment, one that I treasure to this moment. I wished for that night to have never ended.

I am sure this is going to be hard for you, my angel, but I know you can persevere. I may not be with you in body, but I shall always be there in spirit. I will watch over you and will never allow you to be harmed. It is almost as if nothing has changed.

There is one last thing I wish to mention to you. Enclosed in this letter you found one of my rings of power. There of course is a reason for this. This particular ring was gifted to me by my mother. I treasured it greatly. I had planned on using it to seal our love contract.

...

I was going to propose to you with it when the time was right.

I know we are still quite young to be considering such things, but that is how certain I am of my love for you. I was going to wait until after our graduation from Hope’s Peak, but because of our...predicament, that is no longer possible.

Because of our age, and our inability to wait any longer, instead of engagement, why don’t we consider this more of a promise ring? Will you promise me we will be together forever, even in our next life? Of course I cannot know your answer, but no matter what it is, my love for you will never falter.

Please do not give up, my queen. I know how hard it must be for you right now, but I beg of you to live for me. That is my wish for you. I shall see you again some day, but please do not make it sooner than it must be. I will wait for you for an eternity.

I am afraid it is time for me to go now, my fallen angel. I hope this letter has filled you with the hope you require to continue. You will never truly be alone, my love. I will forever be with you.

This is not a goodbye. This is simply an until we meet again.

Until I gaze upon your beauty once more,

Gundham Tanaka

~~~

As you finished reading the letter, your vision was blurred with tears, several of which fell onto the paper. You were filled with all of the wonderful memories you had made with Gundham, and a mix of happiness and pain filled you.

“Oh Gundham.” You hiccupped, holding the note to your chest. “I love you so much. I...” You wiped at your eyes and placed the note to the side, picking up the ring and inspecting it. You smiled sadly. “Of course I’ll promise that, my love.” You whispered, slipping the ring onto your finger. “I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.”

You felt soft pawing at your leg, and you looked down to see four hamsters looking at you. You smiled softly and picked them up. They crawled onto your shoulders and began to nuzzle you. You chuckled quietly. “Thank you, little ones.” You whispered. “With you four, it’s like having a small piece of him.” They squeaked in response, nuzzling you with their noses.

As the Devas comforted you, you looked to the side and grabbed onto Gundham’s scarf. You looked down at it in your hands and smiled softly. “I can feel you, my love.” You said quietly. “I...I know you’re here. You always will be, won’t you?” You then placed the scarf around your neck. “I’ll do it. I’ll live for you, Gundham. I won’t let your sacrifice go to waste, my dark king.”

As you said that, you could have sworn you heard a soft laugh, and felt a gentle hand on your face, but both sensations were gone before you could be sure.

The Devas buried themselves into the scarf, and as they did, you stood. You looked around Gundham’s cottage with a soft smile, looking down at the ring he had left you. “I love you, my king.” You whispered. With those last words, you left the cottage.

~~~

This almost made me cry. I hope you all liked it!

[muertawrites]

Two Halves - Chapter Fourteen (Zuko x Reader)

Chapter 13

Word Count: 2,400

Author’s Note: I’m not gonna say much about this one other than a few fun little tidbits from my creative process. I have a headcanon that the Firelady would’ve ended up with Kuei if she hadn’t married Zuko, and I wanted to make Druk’s collection forks, but since there are no forks in the Avatar universe (which is a strange little statement), I had to change it. Enjoy (and also I’m sorry [not sorry]).

~ Muerta

You awake in Zuko’s arms, his head nestled heavily within the crook of your neck. For a moment, your mind wanders, groping about the unfamiliar space around you as it tries to make sense of its surroundings. The bed cradling you isn’t yours, the sheets twined around your legs feeling entirely new; the large windows to your right and crimson canopy fluttering in the breeze they admit don’t belong to your bedroom. This is Zuko’s room, where you fell asleep the previous night after returning to the palace. 

You sigh sleepily as you extend your arms and legs, stretching your muscles while your memory aligns through your grogginess. Nightmares rocked your sleep not long after you hit your mattress, and you crawled into Zuko’s bed seeking his comfort. He hushed and held you and eased you out of your terror, forming a fortress around you with his tall, strong body. He made you feel safe. He made you feel loved. 

“Firelord Zuko!” 

Rina’s shrill, panicked chirping from the other room breaks you from your haze. Zuko, light sleeper that he is, wakes with a start, blinking in a fluster before sitting up, immediately alert. 

“I can’t find her!” Rina cries, her voice drawing nearer. “The Firelady’s missing! She’s not in her room, and the servants-” 

She halts as she thrusts open the doors to Zuko’s bedroom, her fearful expression dropping into one of wide-eyed surprise and embarrassment. She falters only for a moment, however, composing herself as quickly as she fumbled and bowing apologetically. 

“Forgive me,” she says, keeping her gaze cast downward; you manage to glimpse the tail of a smirk as it curls around her cheek. “I wasn’t aware she was with you.” 

“It’s alright, Rina,” Zuko yawns, relaxed once again now that the threat of possible danger is gone. “Good morning.” 

Rina straightens her back, making a point of looking only at you. You hadn’t noticed it last night when you joined him, but Zuko is naked from the waist up; the realization makes you blush, the skin all over your body raising to a fever. 

“Will you require me to help you prepare for the day?” Rina asks you. Amusement still twitches in her lips, a taunting gleam in her eye; you fight the urge to grab the pillow nearest to you and fling it at her. 

“I’ll meet you in my room in ten minutes,” you tell her, and she nods, bowing once more as she slips from the room. You know she’ll want the details of your night with your husband, and you prepare yourself for her disappointment when you break to her that the circumstances were entirely innocent. 

Zuko falls back into the sheets, burying his face in his pillow in an attempt to make the most of the last dregs of his slumber; he reaches for you, his arm wrapping around your middle and pulling you in, compelling you to do the same. You let out a quiet breath of laughter as you comply, noting the way his expression eases when your body meets his. 

“Do we have to do this?” you whisper as the day’s impending events form in your mind. 

He hums, pressing his nose back into the space it occupied before his sleep was interrupted; his lips graze your neck, your skin rising in millions of minute peaks at the sensation.

“Yeah,” he grumbles. “Unfortunately.” 

You run your fingers pensively through his hair, loose from its typical knot and falling in cascades of black ink around his bare shoulders and back. He shivers, his hand finding the exposed skin of your thigh under your night dress and stroking his thumb tenderly over the flesh. 

“Don’t let them force me,” you plead. “I won’t do it. I don’t think I even can.” 

“You’ve never given into them before,” Zuko reminds you. “This won’t be any different.” 

Beside your setting at breakfast, you find a letter addressed from Kuei. You grin as you read it, instantly missing his gentle sarcasm and subdued demeanor, but finding comfort in your thoughts of him.

My dearest Firelady,

I've just heard of Aang and Katara’s wonderful announcement and had to write my congratulations. How exciting it will be to have a little niece or nephew! I've already sent forth gifts on behalf of my kingdom and myself.

However, I do also write my concern. Having met your council, I can say quite honestly that I do not trust them - I fear that in the wake of such pivotal news, your advisors may attempt to steer you into decisions that aren't theirs to make. 

Firelord Zuko loves you dearly, that much is clear to me. I trust in my heart of hearts that he's caring for you in his uniquely attentive way. I also love you dearly, and it is with this love that I inquire about your health. Are you taking precautions? Are you standing your ground in regards to your actions? (I know you are.) Are you caring for yourself as much as we who love you care for you? Please answer in detail - I cannot stand the worry. 

On a more serious note (or perhaps no less serious, but an entirely different vein of seriousness altogether) we have heard of your meeting and its subsequent revelations from the warden of Azula’s compound, and have begun tracking and arresting as many Dai Li as we can in order to question them. Those in custody have given us very little, and our informants within have revealed possible collaborators with the former princess, though we have no strong leads. We've even launched an investigation into Ozai’s prison, but have come up with nothing as of this moment in which I write to you which connects him to any of the matters at hand. 

My sweetest little friend, I fret for you so. I think of you always, and have taken to consulting daily with the Spirits after the well-being of yourself and your husband (a practice you know I have never engaged in, but as of late, it feels like the only thing I can do). 

Promise me you will keep safe and sound, but in the fearless way I so admire you for. 

Sincerely and forever yours, 

Kuei

Zuko huffs as he reads over your shoulder, biting into his meal with a bit too much force.

“He talks to you like he's your lover,” he mutters. 

You smirk, folding the letter into the breast of your robes. 

“I thought you liked Kuei?” you needle, taking a slow sip of your tea. 

“I do,” Zuko replies. “I just like him better when you're not around.”

As you enter the meeting room, you make a point of keeping your chin held upright, your gaze steady. Advisor Qiang watches you in his typical, scrutinizing way, while Advisors Sung and Yong greet you kindly. Zuko takes your hand as he lowers himself into his place beside you. 

“Firstly,” Yong opens, “I want to give my congratulations to the both of you on your new addition to the family.” 

“Thank you,” Zuko replies with a nod. “We’re all very excited.” 

“Of course,” Sung interjects, “the announcement also raises questions about your own heirs, and when you plan for them to arrive.” 

“Yes,” Yong agrees. “In typical royal marriages, children would already be on their way; but we all understand that yours is not a typical royal marriage.” 

She gives a pointed look towards the international affairs advisors and their aids, which is met with a sharp twitch of Qiang’s brow. 

“The question remains one of public reception,” he quips. “I, for one, believe it would enrage those among the Fire Nation population who remain purists.” 

“But, of course, domestic concerns are my responsibility,” Yong counters, “and I believe a child would bring more cohesion to the image of our Lord and Lady’s marriage - especially to those who are doubtful.” 

“You all seem to forget,” Zuko chimes in, his voice smooth and calm, “that none of you will be carrying or raising this baby.” 

Each of the council members turns their heads towards you, as if suddenly remembering you're there. 

“Whether or not we have children is our decision,” you state, “and our decision alone. We won’t allow the people we bring into this world to be used as political pawns.” 

“Political involvement is unavoidable,” Qiang scoffs, glowering at you. “You're foolish to think you can dictate whether the inheritants of the nation remain neutral.” 

“We can,” you contest, meeting his belittling tone with one of soft determination. “Firelord Zuko and I wish that royal children no longer inherit their station - successors to the throne will no longer be elected by blood, but by vetting from the council.”

The room falls deathly silent. For an excruciating moment, your advisors stare at you in shock, their bodies frozen as if carved in stone. 

“That has never been done before,” Yong finally says. 

“Neither has a Firelord’s marriage to a member of another nation,” Zuko replies. “The war is over. We can't continue to live as if it isn't.” 

“Why would you want to change the operation of the government so drastically?” Sung wonders. 

“Because our rule is not a dictatorship,” you answer. “In the Water Tribe, the chief is always appointed by members of the community - we choose who will govern us for the benefit of everyone. Since the Firelord’s council is chosen by the people, we believe it will best decide who should take over the throne upon our retirement.” 

“We don't want to continue the system my father and grandfathers created,” Zuko adds. “Putting a vetting process in place will ensure that nothing like the Hundred Year War ever happens again. And even besides that, we all know that trying to live up to a title was what destroyed my family. I don’t want to repeat that cycle.” 

“The Fire Nation has always been a monarchy,” Qiang resists. “The global repercussions of such a drastic change could be catastrophic - you’ll look weak.” 

“They’ll look compassionate,” Yong tosses back. “Our people already benefit from having a Firelord who wants to lead for the sake of leadership; distributing the power further will help to erase Ozai’s mark on history. I think it's excellent.” 

You return your attention to Qiang, fixing him with the same searching, calculating gaze he's so accustomed to using. Though his expression remains stoic, the glare of his pupils reveal rage, their wild, acute fizzling back and forth conveying a panic that you're certain isn't for the sake of his government or his people. After a moment he nods; you know his surrender is only temporary. 

“It will take time,” is all he says. 

He shares a glance with Sung. Beneath the table, you grip Zuko’s hand in a vice. 

The evening is cool; cool enough that Zuko bends a sizable fire in the hearth of your sitting room to fight the chill. You curl up with him on a gathering of blankets and cushions at the mouth of the flames, leaned back against his chest as you share your nightly pot of tea. Druk nuzzles his way between you into Zuko’s lap, dropping a flat, round stone onto his leg. He chuckles as the dragon disappears under a table in the corner, emerging with another, similar stone which he presents to you. 

“He's starting a collection,” Zuko explains. “Uncle sent me some of his old books on dragons. They keep collections of different things. Apparently Druk likes rocks.” 

You smile as Druk shimmies once again into the space between you, purring contentedly as he burrows into the fabric where your robes meet. Zuko absently scratches at the space behind his ears. 

“We should take a honeymoon,” you suggest.

“A what?” 

You turn to face him, furrowing your brows in confusion. 

“A honeymoon,” you repeat. “It's something that newlyweds do - after the wedding, the bride and groom go on a trip together so they can spend time alone as husband and wife.” 

“Is that a Water Tribe thing?” Zuko asks. 

You smirk, shaking your head. 

“They do it in the Earth Kingdom, too,” you tell him. “Sorry, I forgot that the Fire Nation spent a century without anything nice or fun.” 

Zuko pinches you in the side, causing you to erupt with giggles. He grins at the reaction, reaching to brush a few stray locks of hair away from your face. 

“We should do that,” he agrees. “We can go to Ember Island. My family has a house there where we used to go in the summer. It's where we stayed before the comet.” 

His expression becomes wistful, and you lay a hand on the side of his neck, tenderly stroking his skin; you can tell the memories are as painful as they are warm. 

“I would love that,” you murmur, chastely kissing his lips. “Maybe we can pretend we’re normal for a few days.” 

Zuko chuckles, then with a sigh rests his forehead against yours; he gazes at you for a long moment, his hands resting on your hips and gripping just a little bit tighter, pulling you just a little bit closer. 

“Kiss me again,” he whispers. “... For real.” 

You search his eyes, looking for anything that will spark your doubt; all you find is exaltation, so quiet and yielding you can hardly bring yourself to fight him. You don't think twice about the command, your lips finding his in the scant space between you. 

As you kiss him, your body lights with fireworks. Every one of your senses seems heightened, your body rippling with embers of a flame that grows stronger the nearer he gets. His lips are soft against yours, the taste of his skin sweet on the edge of your tongue; his chest presses firmly to yours, his hands on your back attempting to pull you nearer despite the impossibility of such an act. You can feel his breath quickening to match his heartbeat, each movement aligned with your own. 

You're broken apart by the rapping of knuckles on the sitting room door, followed immediately by Rina’s entrance. She bows hurriedly simply out of respect - her lack of reaction to your intimate position piques a deep, hollow dread in your gut. 

“Firelord Zuko,” she addresses him. “I’m sorry to come to you so late, but the head of the royal guard just received word from the warden - Azula is dead.” 

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[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Twenty

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Dear Inej,

Thank you for always being so nice to me even if I didn’t do much to deserve it. Thank you especially for the nice, warm clothes and the good soup. My Aunt Millie makes good soup, too, but it’s not as good as yours. But that’s okay. I think I’m going to like Leflin anyway.  

Thank you for all you’ve done for kids like me. I think there are lots of us who would try harder to do the right thing if there were more people like you.

I hope Mr. Brekker feels better soon.

Love,

Artie  

---------------------------------------------------------------------

(Marked at the top: “Jesper: Please read to Wylan”)

Dear Wylan,

I’ve had some time to think and look back on the events of the last month or so, and I began to feel like something was strangely out of balance. It took awhile to recognize what it was – perhaps someone a little kinder might have realized it sooner. It was this: you have not been given enough credit.  

Don’t let Jesper not read this bit to you. His ego can handle a few minutes on the sidelines. Wylan, I think it might have actually been you who saved my life.  

I’ve heard every angle, and I’ve pieced together the whole scenario. I’ve well-aware that it was a collaborative effort to haul me out of Ketterdam for treatment. But it was you who was stuck with the perhaps insurmountable task of keeping me sane.

(And Ambroos, too. Let’s be honest: he did most of the work.)

So, I thought you should know that I saw it and I won’t forget it. I won’t forget that when I was half-awake and confused and disoriented, it was you who kept reminding me where we were. I won’t forget that when none of my limbs were working quite right, you were the one assuming the unfortunate responsibility of helping me drink. You were the one walking the ward with me. You were the one playing along with endless card tricks. You were the one trying to get me to laugh when the aggravation and the frustration started to swallow me whole.  

You’re a good man, Wylan Van Eck, and an even better friend. One of the best. You have been fearless and determined and self-sacrificing, and for all that and more, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

Sincerely,

K. Brekker

(an addition at the bottom)

No. Still too sentimental. DISCARD.  

-------------------------------------------------------------------

(in the folder marked: “Nina”)

Dear Nina,  

I’m writing you today from outside a little café in Shriftport, and I’m realizing I had the opportunity to give you all of my letters and I FORGOT. Honestly, how are we so bad at this? Of course, we were all a little preoccupied, what with the jailbreak and the escape and the chaos of locating Artie while outrunning Stadwatch, and then gorging ourselves on inordinate amounts of award-winning cake. BUT STILL. I hate to think you might be thinking that I’m not writing you. I am writing you everything.

Now that we are in Shriftport, I’ve paid to have The Wraith dry-docked for maintenance for the next couple of months, and the crew has been given pay and leave to explore Novyi Zem to their hearts’ content. Kaz and I are about to embark on the same; although, we’ve been saying this for about three days now and haven’t made it out of the city limits. There’s just a lot of sleeping and eating to be done first. I think all the excitement finally caught up to us, and, Nina, I am exhausted. And because of that, there’s not been much of a plan formed, but for once, I think that’s okay. And I think Kaz agrees. We know it may be a couple months until all the buzz dies down in Ketterdam and it’s safe to dock again. Not much to do until then.

Right now, we are taking each day as it comes. He is alive and recovering, and that is all that I need for now. We’ve been staying in a little room at an inn that overlooks the port. Whenever I fall asleep, it’s to the sound of the gentle tides and far off seagulls. And Kaz’s heartbeat. I haven’t quite shaken what it was like to count them in the dark and worry that each one could be the last. I suppose, as with all things, that fear will pass with time. (And, if I’ve I started to get too worried, at least he still grinds his teeth.)

So, for now, I’m going to eat my weight in sweet rolls. We’re going to take some long, slow walks through town. I’m going to hold his hand, and I’m going to imagine we have all the time in the world. I’m going to make the most of what we do have.  

As I will with you, darling Nina, when you’re back in Ketterdam again.

All my love,

Inej  

---------------------------------------------------------------

My darling Kaz, treasure of my heart,

Will you still write me letters sometimes? I’m starting to miss them.

Love,

Inej  

-------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest, weirdest Inej,  

I am literally two feet next to you.

- Kaz  

----------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest and nearest Kaz,

But I miss them. You have a way with words on paper that I hold very dear. At least write to me what you’re thinking right now.

Love,

Inej  

-------------------------------------------------------------------

My captain, my queen, my Saint,

Whatever you require. I am yours to command.

I am thinking of Ambroos, and how I wish I could write him a letter. I’m also thinking we ought to find a shadier spot on this beach, unless you’d like to see me fry.  

Signed,

The very pale fellow on your left  

--------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest pale fellow,

How about now? Are you still thinking of Ambroos now?  

Yours,

Inej

(in Kaz’s handwriting)

No.

(in Inej’s handwriting)

Tell me what you are thinking now.

No. Write it down.

Write it down so I can read it again when this is over.

My dearest Inej,  

So, you require a bit of prose for posterity. You want to remember this day, this moment, and I can’t fault you for that. It’s a nearly perfect one. For you, I will attempt to make it memorable.

What am I thinking right now, you’ve asked? Surprisingly, not much. It’s a welcome reprieve, believe me. At present, I am taken by the sea breeze in your hair. I’m mad for how it spreads out around you when you’re in the sand. I’m thinking about wrapping my fingers in it, maybe tugging it while I kiss you, but I’m also thinking there are quite a few people around, and maybe you wouldn’t like that so much. Maybe later.

I am thinking about what you’ve written here – about wanting something to read when this is over, and I think I haven’t made myself clear. I intend to make this a habit, Inej, as long as you will. Facing down death always does have a way of clarifying things. I know you have the same sense of duty to the sea as I feel toward Ketterdam, but that hardly means this is something we should only do once. Don’t you agree? Isn’t that what you what you wrote to me of, that long night in the warehouse district – a chance to try to rethink the life we’re each leading?

I don’t really know what I’m proposing, if I’m being honest. More, I suppose? That sounds about right. That sounds like me. More of you. More of us. Whatever that looks like. More of me at sea? More of you in Ketterdam? Some complicated combination of both? Logistical nightmares don’t scare me; you should know that by now. If there is a deal to strike here, then I’m open for negotiation.  

Though if we’re really shedding the armor, Inej, I’ll put all my cards on the table. This is all I’ve ever wanted. Just you. Just this.  

So, name your terms. My heart is already yours. It has always been yours.

Kaz  

(in Inej’s handwriting)

Prepare yourself. I’m about to kiss you in front of all these people.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

(accompanying a small bouquet of dried geraniums)

Good morning, Mrs. Brekker,  

I stepped out to hunt down an acceptable breakfast. Don’t get up. I’ll be back with sweet rolls in 10 minutes.

And, for gods' sake, don't get dressed.

Yours,

Kaz

THE END

[elliemarchetti]

Red Queen Pride and Prejudice AU (Part 6)

@lilyharvord as you've obviously noticed by now, I moved the famous hand flex scene after the dance while in the movie it was when Jane and Lizzy come back home. I hope you don’t mind.

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Words: 3267

The next day Mare told Wren what she and Mr. Maven had said to each other, leaving her friend incredulous, astonished and upset, but at the same time unable to question the sincerity of such an amiable-looking young man: the possibility that he had really been the victim of such cruelty was enough to affect all her more tender feelings and therefore there was nothing to do but think well of both, defend the conduct of both, and attribute to a misunderstanding all that couldn’t be explained otherwise.

"I really believe that both of them have been deceived in a way we can’t imagine,” she said. “Maybe someone interested have made them look bad in each other’s eyes, so, in short, it’s impossible for us to speculate on the causes or circumstances that may have driven them away.”

"Very true, sure; and now, my dear Wren, what do you have to say in regard to the people concerned who were probably involved in the matter? You must absolve them too, otherwise we would be forced to think ill of someone,” Mare teased her, but the other didn’t take the bait and seemed truly immovable in her theory. Mare, however, wasn’t convinced, and it was easier for her to believe that Mr. Maven had been deceived, rather than that he had managed to invent a story of that kind and tell it with such fluency. And if it had been a lie, sooner or later the General would’ve contradicted him, probably at the ball, for which they both had received an invitation that very morning, event that would take place the following Tuesday, a prospect extremely welcome for all the women in the Stilts: Mrs. Skonos decided to consider it a tribute to her daughter, who was particularly flattered to have received the invitation from Mr. Samos himself rather than with a ceremonial ticket as it had happened for the Barrows, and Mare already had a foretaste for the pleasure to dance for a long time with Mr. Maven, moment that would’ve served as a testing ground to ascertain whether or not what was said about the General was a lie. Gisa and Diana, who this time had been invited too, were also happy, but not so much for a particular event, since, although both, like Mare, intended to dance for half of the evening with the newcomer, who was rumoured to be an excellent dancer, Mr. Maven wasn’t the only knight who could satisfy them, and a dance was always a dance. On this occasion, Mare's mood was so excited that, although she didn’t often speak to Mr. Jesper unnecessarily, she couldn’t help but ask him if he intended to accept Mr. Samos' invitation, and if so, if he didn’t consider inappropriate to join an evening dedicated to fun, but she was rather surprised to find out how not the slightest scruple had come to his mind, and how far was him from fearing a reproach; on the contrary, he reassured her that his benefactor often gave parties dedicated to respectable and reputable people too. Fortunately, the dance also kept the minds of Ruth and Daniel Barrow’s sons busy, otherwise the poor boys would’ve been really plagued by the weather, so rainy that for four days straight it had been impossible to get to the Farley’s house. If only they had succeeded, they could certainly have dampened Mare’s enthusiasm, as the Colonel knew very well that Mr. Maven would never be invited to the ball, but since this didn’t happen, Mare had to see it herself as soon as she arrived at the Hall of the Sun, when she met Mr. Thomas, who informed her that the day before his friend had been forced to leave urgently for Archeon.

“A business trip,” he said, but it was evident from that there was more he couldn’t say here, which made her even more determined to avoid any conversation with the source of so much disappointment, to the point that she decided to seclude herself with Diana, whom she hadn't seen for a week, to tell her about her pains. Evidently, her friend too had thoughts that weighed down her heart, and so they ended up talking about the oddities of Mr. Jesper, with whom she was forced to share the first two rounds of dance by her mother. Mr. Jesper hadn't thought, when he accepted the invitation, that the ball might require him to dance too, and so, clumsy and solemn as he was, he continued to apologize to his cousin before he could reach the person he actually wanted to spend his time with, Miss Farley, who was dancing with extreme enthusiasm with his younger male cousin. It was evident that the two were in confidence, and he had managed to understand, from the time spent at both the Farley and Barrow homes, that the two families often visited, making his interest in her even more difficult to express. He was so taken by these thoughts that he hardly noticed that General Calore had approached and asked Mare to dance with him and that she, taken aback, had accepted.  He was certain that she wouldn’t act silly and wouldn’t let her whim for Mr. Maven, which certainly hadn’t escaped him, made her seem unpleasant to a man all the more important, and if he had doubted, he would’ve suggested to stay silent if she hadn’t been asked any question, or at most to make some empty consideration on the event. If he hadn't been so busy worrying about the beautiful smile Miss Farley was giving to Shade Barrow, he would’ve told her to please the wishes of her interlocutor, and to highlight their similarities and put aside their differences, but he did none of this, and Mare found herself maliciously teasing the one she wanted so much to detest, as in her habit.

"Do you frequent the village very often?" he asked, at the end of the first dance.

She replied affirmatively, and unable to resist the temptation, she added that when they met, they were just doing a new acquaintance, something that cast a shadow of lethargy on the beautiful features of the General, who replied that surely Mr. Maven was good at making new friends, as for keeping them, however, it was different topic.

"He was unfortunate enough to lose your friendship," she replied with emphasis, "and in a way that will probably make him suffer for a lifetime."

The General didn’t answer and seemed eager to change subject, a chance given to him by Colonel Farley’s arrival; the brief interruption, in fact, gave him the opportunity to pretend that he had forgotten what the topic they were previously dealing with was, but Mare had no desire to converse in other respects, and didn’t care about his attempts, reminding him instead of when he said to be a man with little inclination for forgiveness, whose resentment once born is relentless.

"You are very careful, I suppose, even in giving it birth."

"I am," he said in a firm voice.

"And you never let yourselves be blinded by prejudice?" she asked, peremptorily.

"I hope not," he replied, evidently annoyed by the aims those questions might have. She said nothing more, and once finished the second round they separated in silence, both dissatisfied, though not alike, as there was a rather strong feeling in Cal's heart towards her, which soon led him to forgiveness and directed all his anger towards someone else. They hadn’t long been separated when Miss Samos walked towards her with an expression of polite contempt on her face: “And so, Miss Mare, I heard that you are enthusiastic about Mr. Maven! Your sister told me about it, asking me countless questions. However I recommend you not to believe all his claims, as the fact that Tiberias has treated him badly is completely false and, on the contrary, he always had been extraordinarily nice to him, although Mr. Maven behaved so infamously that my dearest childhood friend decided not to share such detail with me or my brother. Anyway, I don't blame him for not even bearing his mention, but I guess you found it out for yourself as I doubt you had the foresight to avoid such a sensitive subject during your two rounds of dancing. I am sorry that you have discovered the faults of your favourite, but in reality, considering his origins, we couldn't expect much better," she said, and before Mare could ask for further explanation, she turned away, distracted by Lady Haven. How much insolence! Mare thought to herself, full of anger. Did Miss Samos really think she was influencing her with a petty attack like that, full of her stubborn ignorance and the General's malice? With a sigh she composed himself, and began to look for Wren, who had undertaken to gather information from Mr. Samos regarding the same subject. When she reached her, however, her friend greeted her with a smile so sweetly satisfied, illuminated by such a happy expression, that it made clear enough how happy she was with the events of the evening. Mare caught her feelings immediately, and in that moment every concern for Maven, every resentment of her enemies and whatever else was put aside, facing the hope that Wren would achieve happiness in the best of ways.

"I would like to know," she said, her face no less smiling, "what have you learned, busy as you should’ve been with your pleasant company."

"I wasn't as busy as you think, but unfortunately, I have nothing satisfying to tell you: Mr. Samos doesn’t know the whole story and completely ignores the events that have particularly offended the General, but guarantees the irreproachable conduct, the righteousness and sense of honour of his friend, and is absolutely convinced that Mr. Maven deserved far less attention than received. I'm sorry to say that, but from what he and his sister said, your new acquaintance is by no means a respectable young man, in fact, I'm afraid he was very imprudent, and that he deserved to lose the General's respect."

Mare was still perplexed by those statements: certainly it was a skilled defence, but everyone seemed not to know part of the story and what little they knew had been learned by the General himself, all points that allowed her not to change her opinion on the two gentlemen in question, so she decided to change the subject in favour of more pleasant arguments, on which they couldn’t have conflicting opinions, and listened with joy to the happy, albeit modest, hopes that Wren cherished about Mr. Samos, and said all was in her power to bolster her friend's confidence, until he caught up with them, and Mare went back in search of Diana, who tried to convince her that although Mr. Jesper was a bad dancer, he was excellent company, when at ease, until the subject of their argument, as if feeling called into question, reached them. Since she no longer had any personal interest to pursue for the evening, she turned her attention almost entirely to her friends and the series of pleasant reflections aroused from the remarks about Wren, who she saw already settled in that same house with all the happiness that can come from a love match, was only slightly overshadowed by the idea that Diana could finally choose to give in to her cousin's attention not so much because she preferred him to her brother, but because Shade hadn’t given her a way to guess that their relationship wasn’t just one of dated friendship. She saw clearly that her mother's thoughts were pointing in the same direction, and decided to not dare to go near her, for fear of hearing too much. What she couldn’t know, however, was that her desires weren’t so disinterested and dictated by her displeasure with her son’s possible sadness, as by her interest in a union between her and her cousin, something she was able to discover during dinner: when they sat down Mare considered it an evil fate to find herself separated from her only by one person, and was deeply irritated in seeing her speak freely and openly just with that person, Lady Skonos, of nothing but her expectation that Wren would soon marry Mr. Samos, as, although the prospect was exciting, the two seemed unable to tire of enumerating the benefits of that union. The fact that he was a charming young man, and so rich, who lived just three miles from them were their main reasons for satisfaction but it was a consolation too to think of how his sister was fond of Wren.

"It's a promising thing for Gisa too,” said Mrs Barrow,  “Wren's excellent marriage will give her the opportunity to make acquaintance with other wealthy men and her dear friend will introduce her properly, not forcing on me any more social life than the one I desire to have.”

"These are occasions that you have to like, but nobody loves staying at home at any time more than me. I just hope that Mare will soon have similar luck," replied the other, but Mrs. Barrow told her to extend her wishes to poor Miss Farley, because her daughter would soon be engaged, and concluded by casting an eloquent glance at Mr. Jesper, who indeed was speaking exactly to Diana. Mare tried in vain to stop her mother's rapid flow of words, as she had no intention of accepting any kind of proposal made by Mr. Jesper, or at least get her to describe her happiness for Wren with a less audible tone of voice, since, with inexpressible irritation, she had noticed that much of the conversation had been heard by General Calore, who sat on the opposite side from them, but Mrs. Barrow just scolded her for saying such nonsense since she really seemed unable to understand who that man was for them and why they should owe him the courtesy of not saying anything that could displease him, and she went on talking about her points of view in the same audible tone, making her blush several times with shame and irritation. Mare couldn’t help but throw frequent glances at the General, even if every one of them confirmed what she feared, since, although he didn’t look constantly at her mother, she was convinced that his attention was invariably focused on her. The expression on his face gradually changed from indignant contempt to composed and steadfast seriousness, until Mrs. Barrow had nothing more to say and Lady Skonos was left to cold ham and chicken. The quiet interval didn’t last long, however, for, once dinner was over, there was talk of singing and Gisa, following very limited prayers, prepared herself to entertain the company. With many meaningful looks and mute prayers, Mare tried to prevent such a courtesy, but in vain: her sister seemed to not want to understand, and such an opportunity to perform was a delight for her, so she began to sing, arousing the most painful sensations. Mare followed her progress with an impatience that was very poorly rewarded by the conclusion, seen Gisa had received, among the thanks from the table, a hint of hope that she might be persuaded to concede her favour again, and after not even half a minute, she started again.  Her sister's abilities were absolutely unsuitable for such a performance, given her weak voice and affected manner, and Mare's torture was only lightened by the fact that Wren was chatting amiably with Mr. Samos and neither of them could see any signs of derision that his sister and Lady Haven exchanged. Although Mare would’ve expected the General to take part in the mockery too, he had remained impenetrable serious, even when Mr. Barrow told his daughter she had been very good, but now it was better to leave room for the other ladies. Mare couldn’t understand whether the General's silent contempt or the insolent smiles of his friends were more intolerable, so she turned to Diana, and had a brilliant conversation with her and Mr. Jesper, which seemed to further annoy the man. Mr. Barrow, equally silent, enjoyed the scene: he was old, compared to all those young people, and since he had a finer mind than his wife, it wasn’t at all difficult for him to see what dynamics had been established in the group, and while they waited for the carriage that would take them home, he analyzed them one by one, but without sharing his thoughts with anyone, as he used to do if he wasn’t asked about it. And so he watched Mr. Samos and Miss Skonos, whose carriage, which was supposed to take her and her mother home, was miraculously late just like their own, stand a little apart from the others, just like Miss Samos and Lady Haven, although the former casted worried glances from time to time towards General Calore, who was talking, if it could be considered a dialogue and not a monologue, with Lucas Samos, his gaze fixed on Mare, whose back was turned to him as she chatted with Mr. Jesper. He would almost have liked to laugh, if everything couldn’t end so tragically: it would’ve been enough for all of them to speak honestly, even at that moment, just before taking their leave, and every problem would’ve been solved. But it would never happen, it never did, and so Mr. Barrow kept on observing, and saw his wife being urgently courteous to the Samos, saying she hoped to see them soon at their home, although she knew perfectly well it would never happen, as no one there, with the exception of the General, who would’ve never admitted it so publicly, felt particular affection of their daughters, and he actually didn’t mind: he didn’t like Miss Samos’ feigned gratitude nor the tacit assent that her friend gave to everything she said, and didn’t want his daughters to surround themselves with friends of that kind, much less that one of his sons would bring one of those harpies under his roof. When the carriages finally arrived, Mr. Barrow took his seat and watched Mr. Samos escort Miss Skonos to her vehicle and greet her with one of his rare smiles. His wife and sons  also took their places, and finally came the girls' time. Despite the embarrassment, the Barrow were accompanied by the General, who, despite not having paid the same attention to Gisa, instinctively reached out a hand to take Mare's and help her to climb the high step. Immediately Mare turned to throw him an amazed look, and taken aback by his gesture and by those dark eyes full of questions, he let her go and turned without a word, ready to reach his friend and the safety of home. He just couldn’t understand what was wrong with him, and such was the confusion in his heart that he ended up flexing his fingers until he felts the nails against his palm. It was something he often did as a child, when everything became too much, when he had to remember to maintain a certain demeanour, but for years he hadn't felt the need anymore, since nothing moved his soul up to that point. Slowly he straightened them again, and in that moment he decided his attentions for Miss Barrow were definitely bad and had to be nipped in the bud, and perhaps it was time to remind his dear friend that he too had a part in their plan.

[anneshirleycuffbert]

the space between the letters: the Avonlea girls take on Queen’s

[if you’ve been following me, you know I’ve posted shirbert letters; this is a awae short/fic of what happens between their letters. since I can’t wait for season four and wanted to know how the girls fare at Queen’s, I decided to write my own personal snippet-of-their lives shortly after the events of the season three finale. I hope you enjoy it as I’ve enjoyed writing it!]

click here to access an index to my awae shorts/letters

The Space Between the Letters: The Avonlea Girls Take on Queen’s aka Cuffing Season

The Avonlea girls were having tea in the parlor on a crisp autumn afternoon. The sound of hushed conversation following a rush of laughter chimed through the Blackmore house, and fortunately the volume was not improper as to warrant the mistress of the house herself to leave the confines of her study to reprimand them. 

Jane Andrews was the center of attention, for just an hour before tea, two of Queen’s fine students had unfortunately come knocking at the same time. It was rather mortifying for Jane to have to entertain two suitors in the parlor with Mrs Blackmore in the study situated right next to it and the girls spying at the top of the staircase, hands clutching at the rails. She knew she was being watched on account that she had done the very same with her friends when Moody Spurgeon visited Ruby Gillis just the day before to play her a song he composed and planned to present at the Winter Ball in a few months. Now being on the other side of the staircase and in the parlor herself, Jane felt rather sorry for invading the couple’s privacy. 

The moment the boys stepped out of the elegant house and Jane clicked the door closed, the girls descended the staircase like a stampede of farm animals. They were promptly scolded by Mrs Blackmore then, and they all shuffled as quietly as they could manage to the parlor. 

The girls sat at the table in silence as Jane poured tea for each of her friends. Once everyone had stirred in their preferred amount of sugar and milk, and gently placed their spoons delicately on their saucers as Mrs Blackmore instructed a lady should, their eyes turned to Jane Andrews expectantly. 

“Oh, I’m so embarrassed!” she exclaimed, pulling her hands up to cover her reddened cheeks. Immediately, the questions flooded out of their lips and soaked the room. 

“What did they say to each other?” said Tilly Boulter. 

“What did they say to you?” inquired Diana Barry. 

“Did they ask to court you, at the same time?” demanded Ruby Gillis. 

Josie Pye laughed. “Their faces were almost as red as Anne’s hair!”

The room erupted into fits of laughter, and even Anne Shirley-Cuthbert found amusement in her former enemy’s words. 

Diana, however, had not yet warmed up to Josie and her humor, and faithfully defended the honor of her bosom friend. “We can all see Anne’s hair has darkened into a handsome auburn, Josie. And besides, many of the boys at Queen’s have taken notice of Anne because of her hair.”

“Oh, never mind about me,” Anne laughed, colouring, but she would later thank her dear Diana for defending her. “Jane, tell us everything!”

Jane recovered her usual straight face, with a ghost of a smile on her lips and a telling blush spread on her complexion. “There’s nothing very interesting to tell, really.”

After much prodding, Jane revealed the suitors to be Richard Cordell and Leroy Murphy. Both were in Jane’s mathematics class and admired her for her wit and intellect. She was one of the few students who could finish the math problem sets in record time, and one of the even fewer girls in class who would speak up to answer the professor’s questions. 

Ruby was not satisfied. “But what did they say to you? How did they compliment you?”

Jane, remembering she had spied on Ruby and Moody, felt compelled to make up for it despite the fact that Ruby had just done the same. “Richard said he has yet to see anyone who has eyes as gold or as handsome as mine,” she reluctantly revealed. The girls stayed impressively calm, waiting for her to continue. “And Leroy said that I give off the same air as a sunflower and his day brightens when he sees me.”

The girls burst into squeals of delight and Jane’s indifferent expression cracked, revealing a pleased and bashful grin, but not before harshly whispering: “Quiet, or Mistress Mang will come and finish us off for sure and certain!”

-

Now in the back garden of the Blackmore property, the girls had laid out blankets on the grass. Anne and Diana were lying side by side gazing at the cloud formations in the gorgeous blue sky that was slowly turning a purplish-pink, hinting of a beautiful sunset to come. The breeze was getting cooler as the days passed, so Anne was determined to cherish these evenings where they could lounge outside without fear of catching colds and potentially their deaths. She reveled at the sound of rustling leaves and chirping birds, missing the ones she friended at Avonlea.

“Dearest Diana, thank you for defending my honor and my hair earlier,” Anne smiled, turning to her bosom friend and squeezing her hand. 

“I meant what I said,” said Diana, squeezing back. “It’s a very handsome auburn now but even before it was a pleasant shade of red. That Josie Pye–“

“–is our friend now,” Anne interjected. “And since we are her friends, we need to make allowances for her. Sometimes.”

“Not even Aunt Josephine would be able to afford all the allowances we will have to make for her,” Diana sighed. “But I suppose you’re right.”

A comfortable silence enveloped them until Anne remembered Gilbert, and because Diana was kindred to Anne’s spirit, she knew when the silence whispered of worry. 

“I’m sure he’s sent a letter to you, Anne. It’s probably just been delayed in reaching you.”

“What if he changed his mind?” Anne groaned, unable to bear the thought of losing Gilbert again. Certainly there were girls more beautiful and brilliant than she at U of T, she thought. “Diana, be honest. Do you think he’s changed his mind? About me?”

Diana turned to look at her friend with a knowing, mischievous smile. “After the way he kissed you that day when all was revealed? Not a chance.”

Anne’s natural rosy complexion darkened. “I– we– you– Ah!” Anne bolted upright, discovering that it was possible to feel immense joy and painful embarrassment at the same time.

Diana laughed, sitting up as well. “I’m serious! And from your description of the kisses the two of you shared before I arrived, I would be astonished if he would dare change his mind. And don’t think I hadn’t noticed the way he looked at you before he jumped off the carriage to kiss you. Twice, if you happen to recall.”

The problem was Anne did recall. When all was quiet in her mind, she’d find her thoughts drifting to a brilliant, wonderful boy whose lips have stained her memory forever. She missed him. And, okay, she missed kissing him, too. But what she missed the most was the way he looked at her, made her feel when he looked at her. The way he smiled at her. His smile. His brilliance. Him. Gilbert. She missed him. Anne Shirley-Cuthbert sorely missed Gilbert Blythe. 

“I can’t believe it finally happened,” sighed Diana. “You and Gilbert Blythe were destined from the start to be together. He better have a good reason for his delayed response, or I’d have a good mind to scold him. Again.”

“I’ve no doubt you would,” Anne mused, so grateful for Diana’s part in bringing them together. 

Jane Andrews and Josie Pye bounded out the backdoor each holding a basket of fruit and joined them on their blanket spread. 

“Girls, I need your advice,” Jane moaned. “How do you choose between two boys?” She sat beside Josie, both girls crossing their legs. “Ruby said to go for the most handsome and Josie said to go for the most kind.”

Anne glanced at Josie, who was laughing at Jane’s distress. She couldn’t help but feel pride bloom in her chest for Josie Pye, who had come out of the worst of the scandal with Billy. Josie had a quieter demeanor, now, and had grown to be more thoughtful. Choosing a beau for their kindness over their looks was something Josie would never have considered a few months earlier. But Anne was as hurt as she was proud for her, for the sad happenstance that Josie Pye learned this beautiful lesson of love over a tragedy that she’d carry for the rest of her life. Much like she carried the despairing events of her orphan life, although they seldom came to her mind these days. Anne was hopeful that one day Josie would not be overcome by the painful memory of Billy and the shame he brought on her.

Ruby, however, had a ways to go in the way she viewed love and suitors. But Moody and her were courting now, and they were good for each other. Anne prayed with all her heart that it would turn out well. 

“If you could find it in yourself to think the most kind boy is the most handsome, then I think that would be ideal,” Josie said. 

“I agree,” Diana smiled at Josie sincerely. “When someone is good in heart, they become more beautiful than the one who is devilishly handsome with no virtue to their merit.” 

“Well, as of right now, who do you like more?” inquired Anne. 

“I don’t know,” Jane shrugged. “I’ve only talked to them briefly a few times before they came calling. I never would’ve thought they’d ask to court me!”

“So that’s your next move,” Anne nodded, brows furrowed in thought. “Get to know them both before deciding. And if one of them quits their pursuit of your worthy heart before you make your decision, then you know he’s not worthy of your love.”

Tilly Boulter, Ruby Gillis, and Lily arrived with a platter of chicken salad sandwiches cut up into delicate triangles, joining the rest of the group sitting in a circle. A gust of wind threatened to blow away their hats that were pinned to their hair.

Lily, deaf and mute and gentle and kind, actions speaking louder than words could scream, was happily adopted into the friend group. Mrs Blackmore considered Lily their chaperone when necessary, not trusting half the girls to be proper in public, while the Avonlea girls considered Lily their older sister. The moment she caught them staying up late the second night at Queen’s to practice sign language in the living area was the moment Lily knew she loved them. Her eyes now followed them with curiosity and wonder.

“Can you believe the number of boys that have been visiting lately?” giggled Ruby, nibbling on her triangle of sandwich. “We have all been called to the parlor by Mang because of a suitor. So many of them have come and it’s not even the third week of class!”

“Yes, and I wish they would stop visiting so frequently,” Anne laughed, half meaning it. She hadn’t minded when boys came calling for her friends, but it was an awkward situation when they came to visit her. The first time was flattering, but the last few times were excruciating because it would always remind her of Gilbert and how he could not come calling like the Queen’s boys. The girls, however, found it ever so exciting that quite a number of Queen’s students took notice of them, especially Anne, and it made them feel a sense of pride and camaraderie as they all represented Avonlea. Since their arrival at Queen’s, Avonlea had earned a reputation for raising some of the most charming, handsome, and bright girls the Island would encounter– the latter attribute an influence of Miss Stacey, who missed them dearly. 

“Anne, have you heard from Gilbert?” Tilly inquired, and the girls curiously looked at the girl in question. 

They were shocked to hear the news that Gilbert had sacrificed a sensational life in Paris with beautiful Winifred in order to study at the University of Toronto. Since they had reacted so severely, Anne was wise to wait two days before revealing that Gilbert was now courting her. She had worried of Ruby’s reaction, whether she would be angry or upset given her past infatuation of him, but her eyes were now fixated on a sweet, charismatic banjo-playing scholar. In fact, next to Diana, Ruby was the most excited for the new couple. But then again, Ruby was always enraptured in all things pertaining to love and romance. Nevertheless, Anne was grateful that the girls found her and Gilbert a solid pair. 

As for Charlie Sloane, who took notice of Anne a few months ago, he had quickly adapted to the prospects of Queen’s and rumor had it that he had taken notice of a student who was from Carmody.

“No,” Anne replied curtly, trying to hide her disappointment. “Not yet, but I will.”

Lily reached over to hold Anne’s hand. She had been so touched by the girls’ retelling of Anne and Gilbert’s history as they walked to the postal office two weeks prior, and she looked forward to meeting the legendary Gilbert Blythe.

“Don’t worry, Anne,” Josie offered. “If things don’t work out between the two of you, there are a handful of boys here that have expressed interest in you. They were sorely disappointed to find out you were not available to court.”

Josie spoke with good intention, but it rubbed Anne the wrong way and rubbed in the fact that Gilbert was so far away. She refrained from saying anything, only replied with a tight smile.

Just then, the familiar whistling of the postal worker drifted from the front of the house to their ears. Anne’s eyes met Diana’s, and within five seconds, all of the girls were sprinting around the side of the house to the front door, laughing excitedly. Lily calmly walked as she knew Mrs Blackmore would not be pleased if she witnessed the scene. 

“Ah, ladies!” old Mr Sanderson smiled upon seeing the youthful girls, tipping his hat as a greeting. “I have mail to deliver here. Now let’s see…” he trailed off as he rifled through his satchel, pulling out three envelopes, one a brown manila envelope, and two standard sized cream-coloured ones. 

“One for Mrs Blackmore–“

“I can take it to her,” Anne impatiently grabbed one of the standard envelopes from the old man. He didn’t notice her desperation. “Anything else?”

“Well, we have a letter… oh! From the University of Toronto– for a Miss Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.”

Anne froze, nerves tingling up and down her spine as her breath caught. Somehow, she lifted her hand to receive the manila envelope with a strange bump protruding inside it. “That’s for me, sir. Thank you.” 

The girls squealed in excitement, but Anne did not dare look at the sender’s name written on the top left corner of the envelope, although she knew it must say “Gilbert Blythe” because who else could it be from?

Anne faintly heard the last recipient, Tilly Boulter, but could not remember anything else after. 

Lily gracefully delivered Mrs Blackmore’s letter to her private study knowing Anne was too preoccupied at current, and Anne had not heard Diana shepherding the girls back to the backyard to give Anne privacy to read Gilbert’s letter to her. 

When she finally held it up and found that the letter was, indeed, from Gilbert Blythe, she felt her heart race. 

Anne hurried to sit on her favorite bench placed under the willow tree to the right of the house, trying to ignore the fact that she passed the spot where Gilbert and her had kissed weeks ago. She inhaled a deep breath of cooling air before opening the envelope, remembering the personal things of her heart and the feelings she expressed in her letter to Gilbert, and Anne prepared herself for his response to her follow-up question.  (Click here to read Letter 1: Anne’s letter to Gilbert) 

Exhaling, she unfolded the letter. 

-  

(Click here to read Letter 2: Gilbert’s letter to Anne)

-

Anne had read Gilbert’s letter five more times and pinched herself five times more before she rejoined the jolly group in the backyard, now packing up their picnic and heading inside. 

The girls couldn’t help but notice that Anne was in the same mysterious mood she was in the day they moved in to the Blackmore house. They knew it had everything to do with an old classmate who was now a medical student in Toronto but they said and asked nothing of Anne, allowing her to process and feel what needed to be processed and felt. 

She was unusually quieter than usual, for a longer period than usual, and Diana would have been more worried if not for the sparkle in Anne’s eyes and the slightly higher lift of her chin as she moved about in her silence. 

The two young scholars were finishing their homework in the bedroom they shared, sitting at their respective desks. Diana had been conjugating a set of French verbs when Anne spoke up. 

“He loves me,” she said, voice trembling. Diana left her desk to stand beside Anne who was sitting at her own, staring at the letter spread atop it. Anne looked up to meet her friend’s tender brown eyes with her own teary gray ones. “Gilbert loves me.”

“Of course he does,” Diana asserted, putting her hand on Anne’s shoulder. She remembered how Anne had cried when she told her she loved her the first time, and felt a pull at her heart that her bosom friend had now been blessed with romantic love, too. Diana felt that Anne deserved all the love in the world and was grateful that Gilbert was one of the few people who could and would supply it justly to her. 

“He loves me,” repeated Anne, beginning to cry. A tsunami of emotion spilled from her eyes and waves of shock, relief, elation, disbelief, joy, longing, and love broke Anne’s proper demeanor, reminding the both of them they were still girls. Their arms captured each other in a tight iron grip, and Anne cried into her bosom friend for a few minutes, the sound summoning the group of friends who were now fearful they misunderstood Anne’s mood and were afraid that something dreadful had happened. Diana smiled at them and nodded her head, assuring them silently that everything was alright. 

Tilly shut the door quietly and the sound of footsteps receded into the hall. The sharp tapping of Mrs Blackmore’s feet came bounding up the stairs. Within a few seconds, she knocked on the door and entered. 

“Girls, are you alright, I heard– oh goodness me, what’s happened here? Anne, why are you crying?”

“These are happy tears, Mrs Blackmore,” she sniffled. “I’m quite alright, thank you. I received the best news.”

The mistress Mang sighed a breath of relief. “Be mindful now of your tears. It isn’t ladylike to cry so, but you are at liberty to cry as much as you like here. Be sure to wash your face or you’ll be puffy in the morning.”

“Yes, Mrs Blackmore.”

“Good evening, ladies.”

The door shut again and Anne and Diana sat on the nearest bed. 

“Oh Anne, I’m so glad for you.”

“I can hardly believe it- Gilbert loves me– is in love with me! But I suppose he must love me to kiss me and to have kissed me in the manner and amount that he did,” Anne said, laughing in reference to their earlier conversation.  

“All is well then?” asked Diana, looking fondly at her friend. 

Anne nodded, smiling at the thought of Gilbert and his heartfelt letter.  “All is well and good in the world.”

“Let me know if you ever need to speak with me, about anything,” Diana squeezed Anne’s hand. 

“Thank you, dearest of Dianas. I will.”

Anne leaned back on her bed and watched Diana return to her desk and flip her French dictionary open. An idea bloomed in her mind, and she sat upright. 

“Say, Diana, would you happen to have a book containing foreign languages vocabulary? I’ve decided to engage in a long-distance duel with Gilbert Blythe and I am determined to beat him, fair and square.”

[letaliabane]

Learning to Cope

summary: You’ve been left behind for months from raids, but when you lose your best friend, Javier is there as a shoulder to lean on. 

warnings: takes place in season 3, death of a character, angsty angst, fluffy fluff

prompts (If you would like to request a prompt, please include the name of the list and the number of the prompts)

You groaned as you climbed the stairs of the apartment building, undoing the first few buttons of your blouse. Pressing the key into the lock, you jostled the doorknob. Again, and again, again, before shoving it roughly with your shoulder, sending it flying against the wall. 

You chucked you’re back across the dining table, watching it disappear over the edge as your jacket followed suit before grabbing the bottle that sat vacant in your fridge. 

What a rollercoaster of emotions it had been, a day that continued to only get worse and worse as it went by. First having to put up with the behaviour of the other officers, left behind by Javier under his own orders, only to find out hours later that one of you dearest friends, Eloise, who also was another agent, had been shot. 

You and Eloise had trained together and become great friends during your academy days, and though she was a couple of years older than you, you looked towards her as your mentor. 

As you threw yourself on the couch, taking a long sip swig of the sweet wine, you couldn’t help but recount the events of the past couple of hours that had passed.

You threw your files across the table as Eloise followed you to your desk, throwing yourself in your seat with a huff. ‘Every fucking time El, I always offer up the best intel and yet I never get to go out on the field because Peña is being a douche bag!’

Eloise sighed, giving your shoulder a squeeze, ‘I know how frustrating it can be Y/N, but trust me, when the time comes you’ll know why its best to sit out on the first couple of go arounds.’

‘I’ve had the training though, you know how good I was then-’

‘But thats different,’ Eloise says gently, ‘it doesn’t matter about the training, trust me Y/N. There’s more to it than what they teach us. You’ll understand when the time comes for you to go out on the field.‘

Before you could reply, Javier walked past, looking between the two of you before nodding at Eloise, ‘Don’t be too long agent, we’ll be leaving with or without you. We’ve gotta get moving now if we wanna grab this guy and get him to speak.’ 

When she had nodded, he glanced towards you, noticing the disdain on your face. He wanted to say more, even an apology. But instead, he gave you a curt nod before leaving the office. You rolled your eyes. 

‘And they said he was a ladies man,’ You muttered.

‘Y/N!’ Eloise burst into giggling, looking around at the other workers who paid them no attention. 

‘What?! I’m just saying he treats me like chopped liver than any other woman in this agency! Could be at least a little decent in making small talk with me ...’ 

‘Sounds like someones got the hots for the big boss.’ 

‘Oh shut it you,’ You said as she raised her eyebrow towards you, giggling at your outburst before grabbing her gun from her drawer. 

‘I’ve gotta head out, but I promise drinks are on me when I get back okay?’ 

You waved your hand towards her vacantly, only for her to plant a kiss to your cheek, laughing as you squirmed, slapping her face away. 

‘Be safe okay?’ She saluted you with a large smile as you called after her before she left the office, her laughter still echoing in the corridor. 

It wasn’t even an hour later when the high shrill tone of the phone ringing echoed throughout the office from your desk, where you sat head deep in files. You sighed, dropping the papers before pressing the phone to your ear, 

‘Y/L/N.‘

‘Y/N thank god you answered, you need to get down to the hospital right now as fast as you can, Eloise was shot and—’ 

‘Whoa whoa whoa, what’s going on Chris? What happened to Eloise?’ You asked, concerned at his rushed and panicked tone of voice, barely registering the scramble of his words. 

‘Eloise was shot during the raid. S-Someone snuck up on her an-and she’s not doing too well. Were at the hospital and—’

‘I’m on the way,’ You concluded, slamming the phone down before grabbing your keys, pushing past the other workers as you ran to your car. 

After rushing through the streets and barely crashing, you ran through the hallways of the hospital, skidding to a halt when you sighted Chris, hunched over in a chair. He stood to his feet at the sight of you. 

‘Y/N—’

‘Where is she?’ 

‘In there, but Y/N—’

You made your way to the room he had pointed to before he could finish, pushing the door open, only to freeze. 

Eloise lay unmoving, terribly pale beneath the bright fluorescent lights. But your eyes were glued to the bloody wound that Eloise had sustained at her side, skin ruptured and torn, her blood staining the pristine sheets of the bed. A nurse stood over her body, letting out a horrified gasp, glaring as she shouted at me in Spanish.

‘I tried Y/N’s phone, she’s not answering—’ You barely heard Javier through the chaos of the nurse screaming, Chris trying to calm her down and talk with her in his bare knowledge of the language. 

Javier froze as he heard the outbreak of shouting, his eyes instantly falling upon you. Quickly, he gently spoke to the nurse, calming her down before turning his attention to you, carefully grabbing your hand, ‘Come on Y/N.’ 

Without waiting for your answer, he guided you out of the room, helping you into a chair. Once he knew you were comfortable, he dragged Chris a few feet a way, ‘Goddamit Fiestl what are you doing?! What were you trying to achieve by showing her that?!’ 

‘She wanted to see her but I didn’t‘—’

‘You really wanted her to see the dead body of her best friend when she hasn’t even been out—’

‘What?’ The men turned to you at your whimper, watching as you stood to your feet, glancing between them and the door that was now closed to the room where your best friend laid. 

Javier glanced at Chris as he muttered, ‘I didn’t get to tell her.’ 

He sighed, slowly making his way over to you, ‘Y/N, I’m so sorry. She passed just before you arrived. She lost too much blood in the ambulance and went into cardiac arrest before they could operate.’ 

You couldn’t help but gasp, looking back towards the room, the image of your best friend’s body, wounded and in tatters smearing your mind, how the blood oozed and dribbled down the sheets.

 Javier watched sadly as your face fell, reaching out towards you. However, he flinched when you suddenly slapped his hand away. 

‘This is both your faults.’ 

‘What?!’ Chris exclaimed as you back away from them, shaking your head. 

‘If you had let me come, none of this would’ve happened! My best friend wouldn’t be dead!’ Your cry echoed down the corridor, people turning towards the scene, making your insides twist. Without another word, you started back down the corridor. 

Before Chris could even take a step after you, Javier pushed him back, shaking his head, ‘Let her go Fiestl, She needs to be alone right now.’ 

You were beginning to doze off when a series of knocks echoed through your apartment. Dazed and tipsy, bottle still in hand, you stumbled towards the door, throwing it open. A groan left your lips at the sight of Javier, missing the worry that was written in his face as he took in your drunken state. 

‘Oh look who it is! Agent fucking Peña to the rescue!’ You cried, not waiting for him to reply before turning back into the apartment, leaving him to follow you. 

He watched as you leant against the kitchen counter, thumb tracing the rim of the wine bottle, eyes cloudy and far off. 

‘You look like shit don’t you?’ 

‘Fuck off Peña,’ You spat. 

He couldn’t help himself but chuckle, ignoring the glare you sent him, ‘Your fucking taking it out on me?’ 

‘You let her die!’ You seethed as you turned towards him, ‘If you hadn’t left me behind we could’ve at least had a chance at saving her—’

‘And lost you too?’ Javier cut off, now staring you down, ‘Y/N you’ve never been out in the field—’

‘Because you and every other motherfucker won’t let me!’ You screamed, ‘I could’ve at least helped her, she was my best friend! I could’ve at least been with her in that moment! I could’ve tried to save her! We could’ve had a chance at keeping her alive!’ 

Javier could feel the anger and hurt radiating from you, your pained eyes wide and wet with tears, hands balled into fists at your sides. But it was more than that, he could tell. 

He reached for your hand, but you slapped it away once again, shakily pointing a finger in his face, ‘Don’t you fucking dare.’ 

But this time, he persisted. Ignoring your cries he pulled you towards him, allowing you to push and shove at him, slamming your fists hard against his chest, ignoring the curses that flew from your mouth. He held you through it. 

And he still held you when you slackened against his chest, gripping his shirt as you cried into his shoulder, knees buckling beneath you. Javier caught you, helping you to the ground where he cradled you, leaving no room between you as he leant against the back of the couch, holding you. 

When your sobs had softened, and your breathing had evened out, you felt his fingertips running through your hair soothingly. 

He finally spoke, ‘You are a very intelligent person Y/N, and I know you have a big heart and would do anything to help your friends and colleagues. But I know if you had been allowed to out into that gunfight today unprepared, you would’ve gotten injured or worse and I-I would never have been able to live with myself if I saw you go through that.’ 

You barely pulled away from him, looking up towards him. He was a jackass, you knew that, but you could tell he was sincere with his words, telling the truth. 

Looking away, you reached for his hand, entangling your fingertips with his, running your thumb across his knuckles. With a sigh, you looked back up to find him watching you. 

‘Does it get easier? The pain?’ You croaked. You felt him tense up against you, his grip tightening on your hand momentarily before replying, ‘You learn to cope and live with it. However I learnt later than sooner ... you should never hide your pain from the ones you care for.’

You watched him for a moment, giving him a small smile before nodding. With a gentle tug you allowed him to pull you against his chest once more, hands still intertwined, his other rubbing your back. 

Masterlist | Pedro Pascal Masterlist

Tagged: @pascalisthepunkest​

A/N: This was a bit of a random idea I had, especially after looking at some stills I took from S3. Not sure if people will like this but thought I’d share it. Will get back to finishing requests now! Also masterlist has finally been updated so make sure to check that out when you can! As you can also see I had NO IDEA what to call this. 

Remember requests are open for Pedro Pascal characters! Check it out and request whatever you like!

[idkhow-you-found-me-writing]

Missing Sun

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073550

Ted missed the sun. The warmth it gave xem. The way xyr eyes hurt everytime xe, oh so foolishly, attempted to stare at it for an almost concerning amount of time. Just, all of the feelings that came along with the sun shining upon the Earth or, maybe even more importantly, Ted in particular. 

That was, of course, a statement of the most ridiculous nature. Xe lived in San Dimas; Ted was pretty sure the last time xe saw a single cloud up in the sky was last year. The Burning touch of sunlight was just as much part of the landscape as that cliffs near town. Both of them were totally equal in their invariably. 

And yet, here Ted was. Laying on the floor of xyr room, shivering from something akin to cold. Although xe has somehow managed to never in xyr whole life set foot in Alaska, xe couldn’t be so sure about that now. Ted couldn’t be so sure about many things at the moment. It was only the cold that managed to stay there with xem.

Ted made an attempt to open xyr eyes. Xe wanted-. No, that wasn't the correct word here to use. It didn’t reveal the desperation that stood behind that statement. It wasn’t a simple wish. It was more of a necessity than anything else. Xe had to see if the rays of sunshine were still able to blind xem completely. If they hadn't run away three days ago alongside xyr most excellent partner. If it wasn’t Ted who was running away by the virtue of not going after him, making the distance between them bigger and bigger with every second spent on doing nothing to lessen it. 

The attempt turned up to be a successful one. Soft light coming from the window allowed xem to see the world once more. Now xe could watch xemself laying still, still in the xyr room. Dreadful thoughts of Alaska completely disappeared from xyr head. That, however, wasn’t enough to scare away the chill that settled deep down in xyr bones. Ted stood up. Xe just needed to be closer to the sun, that’s it.

Leaning on the frame of said window, Ted glanced at the view outside. Seeing the presence of clear blue sky was the most comforting. However, there was still something not right about this. Xe turned xyr eyes towards polaroid pictures of Bill and xem, strewn around the window ledge for a second and then back at the sky. What these things lacked was authenticy. All Ted was able to see were shadows of the original selves. Xe couldn’t stay in this place any longer, xe decided.

Finding the strength to go out of the house has been the most troublesome for a very long time. Possibly even predating that one time when xe tried to find a totally excellent birthday gift for the most esteemed associate of xyrs without his knowledge. Maybe their hearts weren’t meant to be locked away from each other, no matter the significance of the problem at hand. Ted agreed with this sentiment. Xe did it now, just as xe has done it during that fight, three days ago. Nevertheless, the words of explanation for xyr odd behaviour were too heavy to carry out at the time. Ted wished to believe that this changed, however xe couldn’t be totally centrain. 

As it turned out, standing on the pathway did little to no help. Even after changing xyr surroundings, everything remained morbidly muted in its lack of any vibrant colors. Ted began walking aimlessly, setting xemself on a quest to rediscover life in California. A task much harder than some would most probably expect.

After a while, Ted found xemself on the way to Bill’s home. That revelation in and on itself was as surprising as it was not. Since the day they have met each other for the first time, there was always some mysterious force drawing one to the other. When Ted had learnt about magnets, xe couldn’t help but to make a connection here. Although xyr laughed at the idea they both ate matching magnets, Ted couldn’t regret telling him that. There was little thing xe would be able to regret if it made Bill as much as smile. 

Xe looked at the house in front of xyr eyes. Simple wooden door has never seemed so imposing before. Breathe in. Breathe out. And three headshakes for a good measure. There, Ted was ready to face the most cherished colleague of xyrs again. Xe rang the bell. 

Just as xe was starting to get second thoughts about this whole journey, the door was opened. Before Ted could muster, not even an apology, just a simple greeting, Bill tackled xem into a tight hug. Xe automatically leaned into it, totally forgetting why xe was nervous about this confrontacion in the first place. They just stood there for a while, hugging one another, the desperation slipping through the strength of their embraces. Finally, the world shifted back onto the right tracks. 

“I missed you the greatest amount, dude.” Bill might have broken the silence between them but not the skin contact. “The last three days were totally non-non-non-heinous. Not seeing you caused me the most serious break of heart.”

“My most sincere apologies, dearest boyfriend of mine.” With the reality settling in once more, previously muted emotions came crashing down onto Ted. There were tears running down xyr face, making Bill’s crop top all wet. “It was the last of my intentions to be a source of this bogus feeling.”

Bill gave his most outstanding acquaintance a much needed moment to let it all out. Ted was in a state of the greatest appreciation of how considerate xyr best friend could be. After calming a little down, he spoke again. 

“Ted?”

“Yeah, Bill?” 

Their voices were barely louder than a whisper, delicate tones gently applied like a medicine over a somewhat fresh wound. 

“it's totally not my objective to partake in any odious action of pressuring you to do something. You don’t have to tell me what made you so upset that night. I was just worried about you, dude.” Bill has never in his life sounded more genuine. If Ted hadn’t been set on explaining everything to him before, xe would have changed xyr mind based on hearing this declaration alone. There was no reason to hide it from him.

“It’s totally cool, dude. It was just my dad again. You are aware that his remarks can leave a person the most tormented.” 

Bill stiffened at that and then immediately made himself relax. To say that he was merely aware of the ways John Logan managed to affect negatively his oldest offspring was inadequate to say the least. Bill wasn’t the greatest mathematician in history, however he also didn’t have to be one to know that things like this happened all too often in the Logan household. He began to slowly brush Ted’s hair with his fingers. This action was qually comforting for both of them.

“It was nothing about Alaska, not this time. He-” Ted cut xemself off here. As if the next words were too horrifying to say out loud. Nevertheless, xe knew xe had to continue. “He told me that I will never be enough. Not for him, not for our most bodacious band. Not even for you, dude.”

Another pause. Each word felt heavier on xyr tongue and left nothing but acid after escaping xyr mouth. It was the most revolting torture to go through. Bill must have sensed a new wave of tears creeping in as he chose this exact moment to give his response to all of this.

“That has to be the most untruthful statement I’ve ever heard, dude.” He quickly reassured his companion. “There is no way you would ever be not enough for me. Besides, you know what Rufus said, we’re totally going to be rockstars who will unite the whole world, Ted!”

This is where normally both of them would air-guitar. Maybe add a little “Excellent!” to the mix too. Bill sure did want to. However, due to the fact that this activity was severely more complicated while hugging, he settled for giving Ted a small kiss on the head. The occasions to do this while standing up were pretty rare so Bill guessed that it wasn’t too bad either. After seeing his beloved partner blush, Bill even thought of it as worthy of calling it stellar.

Nevertheless, what was significantly less stellar was the fact that Bill’s legs were starting to ache after standing on the toes for such a long time. With a great regret, he moved away from Ted. Atypically long embrace between the two was replated with a much simpler act of hand holding. 

“You are totally right, the most triumphant friend of mine. Nevertheless, it can be hard to remember when your own parental unit feeds you the most contrary of opinions. I think I would rather start cooking normal things like mom did, you know.”

“Bogus.” The most triumphant companion of Bill solemnly nodded in agreement. Yes, it was totally bogus, no questions about that. The atmosphere changed back to more pensive. “But I have an idea!”

“What is it, Bill?” Ted perked up at this. Xe has always believed that Bill was just like his ideas- the most excellent.

“I’ll just have to remind you this each time your dad says something that’s totally not true.” He was pretty proud of himself for this one. In his humble opinion, his most recent of plans was totally righteous and impossible to fail.

“Dude! Your most recent of plans was totally righteous and impossible to fail.”

Although it was already late afternoon, Ted had an odd feeling as if the sun had just begun to shine when Bill ginned at xem. They air-guitared in synth to celebrate this most spectacular turn of events. Ted glanced at the sun in front of xem. This time, it didn’t hurt to do it at all. 

[ai-katsuu]

Wonderland Ball (3/4)

Chapters: 1  2  3  4

previous chapter    next chapter

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At the opposite end of the room, Queen Alice, finally done with greeting her audience members, sighed back on her throne in content. “This is the best outcome of any party Fairy Tale Island has had. I mean you’re amazing, Hatter!” she grinned at her dearest friend. 

“But of course, Alice dear.” he tipped his hat, “Throwing parties are my specialty after all.” 

“I was the one who brought the guests over,” the Cheshire Cat intervened. “Wasn’t easy, you know?” he smiled at the Hatter who only frowned back.

“Oh, yes. Tell me, how did you manage to get the Fearless Seven to come?” Alice excitedly asked him. 

“He transported them here without warning,” a short witch with a grey bun walked into the scene. “I saw the whole thing myself from my room.” she calmly mentioned. 

Alice gasped at the Cheshire Cat, who now had his tail in between his legs, “Is Zeniba telling the truth?” 

“Well, in a sense yes.” he mumbled. 

“He was also rude to Prince Jack’s wife.”

“Yea, called her a servant.”

“You know I don’t fancy you two being here.” the Cheshire Cat frowned at the twins who had just entered. 

“Cheshire, how could you?!” Alice scolded then turned to her friend in the white suit.  “Rabbit, could you call her for me please? I want to apologize on his behalf.” 

“Wife isn’t here, miss. He failed to include her in his transportation spell, just like how the F7 fails to be on time.” he grumbled. 

“You left her behind?” she stared at him. 

“I wouldn’t say left, more like, dis-included?” he looked sideways. “Alice, with all due respect she wasn’t even a princess. He married a commoner.” 

“Your point?” Alice challenged, “Royalty or not that is his family, now both of them will be apart from each other on Christmas Eve. I want you to write an apology letter to this woman and apologize to Prince Jack yourself. That’s an order.”

“Oooh, someones in trouble.” the Mad Hatter grinned. The Cheshire Cat glared at him before bowing at Alice,

“As you wish, Your Majesty.” 

“Your Majesty, Prince Howl is here,” Zeniba smiled, a young blonde man charmingly smiled at her. 

“I’ll take care of this. Hatter, make sure he follows through.” Alice told him before standing up and greeting the wizard. 

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

Once midnight had struck, the ball had come to an end, and the others went back to their suite. Exhausted from all the mingling and formalities, the group immediately fell apart when they got to their beds. 

“I think I might have bruised my arm when I threw Peter over the table.” Arthur examined his bicep. 

“Shut it, at least you weren’t chased around by two she-demons who want to put a dress on you.” Hans grumbled. 

“You think Papa sent Jiminy on purpose?” Noki asked.

“Please, I don’t want to think about it.” Kio responded. 

They all awoke the next morning and spent the day in the Wonderland Palace. They had high tea in their suite, played several games, and even got a chance to meet with Queen Alice herself. They were wrapping up the conversation when Alice stood up, 

“Prince Jack, may I speak to you?” 

“Of course, Your Majesty.” 

She pulled him off to the corner of the room and it took Jack by a great surprise when she bowed; not as a greeting but as an apology. “Your Majesty? Please raise your head!” he told her.

“Prince Jack, you have my deepest apologies for how my right hand man treated your wife. I’m sincerely sorry she could not be here. His actions do not reflect Wonderland’s beliefs and morals.” 

“Your Majesty, I am not upset with you. You weren’t the one who said those things after all. Though I would be lying if I said I was not disappointed with how he treated her.” he sadly told her. 

“Apologies are in order from him. Please, allow me to let you and your friends leave early.” she said. And that’s what happened. The Cheshire Cat appeared right beside her and waved his hand, the purple mist covering them as they were transported back to the gates to the White Palace. 

“I will never get used to that.” Briar said, holding her head. 

“Well at least we’re back. That was exhausting, not gonna lie.” Pino said, twisting his back. 

“Do you hear music?” Gwen asked them. The others nodded and followed the sound that echoed through the halls. It led to the doors of the ballroom they saw bright lights that's shone through its cracks. Briar opened them to see a sight that none of them would have expected.

Townspeople, man and woman, kids of different ages, running around, singing, dancing to their heart's content. Elders gave gifts to their grandchildren, grandchildren played around with ribbons that were attached to a large pole, adults ate and drank while watching the band perform. 

Somehow, snow was falling from the ceiling and people of all ages were making Snowmen, sledding, having snowball fights, or creating snow angels. It was full of laughter and fun, a different energy radiating from the Wonderland Ball. 

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

With the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you, be of good cheer!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

“What is this…?” Snow felt a small smile coming to her lips from the excitement and liveness everyone was exerting. 

“Are these all the people from Golden Goose?” Merlin questioned. 

“Why are they all here?” Hans looked around. 

“Oh, Your Highness'!” Isabella, in a lovely green dress, curtsied to the thirteen princes and princess’ “Welcome back!” she beamed. 

“Isabella, what is all this?” Jack asked her.

“Golden Goose's annual Christmas Eve Party, Miss Audrey had the suggestion of moving it to the palace ballroom so that it would be much bigger! She planned all the songs, the presents, and hosted the whole event.” 

“She did all this?” he looked around at the green and red festive lights. 

“You bet your high privileged ass she did.” Frost floated down to the group. “With my help and Isabella’s, this was all possible through her hard work.” he threw a snowball directly at him. A few sparkles appeared on his eyes before Jack started laughing, but quickly regained his composure. “Oof, tough one.” Frost laughed. 

“Where is Audrey?” Arthur asked. 

Frost smiled, leaning on his staff and gestured to the crowd behind him. 

There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting

And caroling out in the snow

They'll be scary ghost stories

And tales of the glories of Christmas's long, long ago!

Amongst the crowd Audrey was singing along with the band, playing with the children and dancing with adults. Her hair was up in a bun, loose hair stands out, and wore a red dress that extended just below her knees. Her see-through heels made it a bit difficult for her to walk, but Isabella made them just for her.  Not a trace of sadness or jealousy was on her face as she sang an unfamiliar song to them. 

“It’s a traditional song from the outside world.” Frost told the group, “She’s been playing a lot of Christmas carols from out there. Honestly much better than the ones they have here.” 

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

There'll be much mistletoeing and hearts will be glowing

When loved ones are near!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

The crowd applauded as the song ended, as did the group. Frost threw his staff up lightly after clapping, “Well your highness’ I have to help a big red man deliver his presents for Christmas and I’m already on the Naughty list. Probably,” he went to the nearest window and opened it, “later nerds.” the wind started blowing in his direction. 

“Snow Queen said hi by the way.” Jack called out.

“Wait, what?” Frost turned back, “No wait! Just when the conversation was getting interesting!” but was then blown away by the winds. 

The group had decided not to interrupt the party and went back to their rooms, hoping to greet Audrey after. After the party had ended, Audrey made her way to the parlor exhausted and removed her gloves. 

“I didn’t know you could sing. You always refused to.” 

Audrey turned around to see Jack smiling with his arms crossed. “Jack! You’re back!” 

Jack beamed as he welcomed her with open arms as she ran towards him. “I missed you so much, I’m so sorry you got left behind..” he buried his head on her shoulder, trying to make sure he didn’t ruin her hair. 

Audrey shook her hair, “It’s fine. I got to plan this party and meet everyone from Golden Goose. Oh Jack, they’re all so lovely and their traditions every Christmas are amazing!” 

Jack nodded, “I’m glad you enjoyed it, but it’s not okay. You should not have been left behind, that was rude of him to leave you out.” 

Audrey shrugged, “I guess, but at least something good came out of it.”

“Yes, you won’t have to spend Christmas with them next year, don’t worry.”

“What do you mean?” Audrey laughed.

“Spending the evening with commoners is hardly the right way to celebrate Christmas, there should be balls, and elegance.” he told her.

“Well, sure but there’s nothing wrong with their traditions.” Audrey’s smile thinned down. 

“It’s hardly fitting for someone married to nobility. You should be spending it with all of us at these balls.” he raised a brow.

“I’d love to spend it with all of you, but the traditions you just saw are not ‘hardly fitting’, they’re wonderful.” she frowned. 

Jack rolled his eyes, “Audrey please, why spend your holidays in the cold filthy streets when you can spend it warm and cozy in a palace.”

“There is nothing wrong with where they live.” she said now angry, “Their happiest memories are on those streets. And mine are too, wandering around several towns, I’ve seen the joy they all have.” 

“That’s impossible, no one can be truly happy there.” he firmly told her, “I don’t want you to live or be treated like a commoner, you deserve much more than that. For goodness sake, you’re married to a prince!” 

“What’s wrong with being a commoner? They’re the same as you, they just have a different lifestyle!”

 “Commoners don’t have all these riches you see around you. They’re not as well off as we are. We can easily afford anything we want. If we have the money then we can spend it, what’s wrong with that?!”

“Nothing! Nothing is wrong with the lifestyle of a noble but neither is the lifestyle of a commoner! They’re two different things but that doesn’t mean that either status is worth greater or less of value, they all deserve equal treatment!” Audrey stared him down, “Maybe if you actually experienced the life of one you see that we aren’t as pitiful or filthy as you think we are.”

That crossed the line for Jack as he looked at her one more time and stormed out of the parlor. The twelve people who had their ears pressed to the door heard footsteps coming and they quickly hid behind the large curtains. Jack pushed the door open with violence as he marched through the halls. Audrey on the other hand, not realizing the error both of them had made, made her way outside of the parlor and walked the opposite way.

Once the two were out of sight from each other, the twelve princes and princesses came out of the curtains. 

“That can’t be good…” Gwen frowned.

[thestarwrites]

City of God pt III (Finan x OC)

Fic Summary: Finan the Agile meets a Celt-Saxon woman, and for once he can’t think of anything else. What do you mean they won’t see each other for years? The continuing story of the love between Celts.

Part Three

Rating: PG-13

Please don’t plagiarize!

Tag list; (please DM me if you’d like to be added!)

@nxrdist @joyofbebbanburg @medievalfangirl @bookworm925 @buckysskye @jcalpha1@sprinkles617 

word count: 2,774

Once back inside Uhtred’s city dwelling, his cheeks were red and his face was a wide grin, that is until Sihtric and Clapa slipped inside after him with grins. “Look at that Sihtric, a lovesick Irishman.”

The shorter man smirked, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so smitten, and blushing too! Like a virgin.”

“Oi. Shut up.”

The men chuckled before Uhtred’s voice cleared from the front of the room, “Off to bed with you trouble makers.”

“Yes, Lord.” Both men said quickly before scurrying off like mice.

Letting out a breath Finan nodded, “Thanks for tha, Lord.”

Nodding, Uhtred smiled, “How did it go? Get a kiss, my friend?”

“Tha I did. Several in fact.” He quipped cheerfully.

Uhtred clapped his friend on the back and laughed softly, “I told you that you had nothing to worry about, she is as taken with you as you are with her.”

Finan shrugged, “There’s somethin’ about her, Uhtred. Somethin I can’t quite explain. Somethin’ I daren’t tell anyone but you. When I look at her, I feel…”

“Home?” Uhtred said softly. Finan looked up and could only nod, “That’s how it was with Gisela. The first time I saw her. It was as if I was struck by Thor in that instant, and I knew that if I didn’t have her in my future, I didn’t want to live. It was my visions of Gisela that kept me through the rowing.”

Finan took a deep breath, “I need ‘er.”

Uhtred put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, “And I regret to inform you, you will not see her for a while. There are many enemies which Alfred needs ridding, And I am bound now that Kjartan is dead to serve him. We are to march onto Coccham and then to the ships.”

Swallowing, Finan nodded, “And I am bound to you. My duty before my heart, Lord.” “You will see her again.” The Irishman nodded, feeling doubtful, “I think… I should write ta her.” “Good idea, my friend. I’ve often been told girls love sweet words.” He chuckled. And with that, Finan walked to compose the first love letter he had written in over five years.

When Hild had come to tell her the news that Uhtred and all of his household had left to Coocham on business- Kelly was devastated, “I do not know how long he will be away, it may be only a few days?” She said hopefully, though she knew how many enemies haunted the waterways. She looked down and then took a deep breath, resolving that if he was gone, then he was gone, a tear rolled down her cheek, “He told me he would call on me today.” Maybe now that he’d gotten his kisses, he was finished with her. Hild nodded and frowned, “That is why he wished me to give you the letter. Did something happen between you two?” She flushed, “We kissed.” The Abbess smiled warmly, “I am happy for you. Read the letter, I pray you find comfort in it. I must go on to Coccham.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hild gave her Finan’s letter, but she could not bring herself to read it for months. Thyra did her best to reassure her friend that Finan would come back for her. That he was head over heels for her and he was sure to return. But that night beside the fire, the stolen kisses behind her home, haunted her. “It has been nearly a year, Thyra…” She cried, “He’s never coming back, and if he ever does…” She whimpered. It was almost her twenty-first birthday. “Read the letter, my dearest,” Thyra urged, “Tonight, alone in your room. See what thoughts your Irishman wishes you to know. Imagine him speaking them to you in confidence. Imagine him coming home to you and only you.”

Angel, I have been told I am to away to for an indefinite period, but my duty is to Uhtred and to the King. My heart shatters knowing I must be away from you, after we’ve only just begun to truly see one another. I do not know how long, I do not know what fate awaits me, but I do know that in making Wessex safe, I make it safe for you.  I wanted you to have in writing that I belong to you. And that I will replay your silver laugh over and over in my mind until I pray God allows me to hear it once more, and the vision of your beauty will be my guiding light in the days and possible weeks to come. Not a moment will go by that I do not think of you. The ghost of your lips on mine will be my only comfort here on this journey. My body may be on the water and on the battlefield, but my heart remains in Wintecester, with you. I hope to be back soon, and I hope you aren’t on another man’s arm when I return. Until we meet again my beautiful girl, Your Irishman, Finan “Oh Finan.” She sighed dreamily, tears rolling down her cheeks. That night, she lay down to sleep, clasping her hands in prayer, “Heavenly Father, please protect Finan. Keep him safe from harm and deliver him home to me. Please guide his steps and keep him on your righteous path. Help me to be good and do what’s right. Amen.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two Years Later… It was early summer when a knock came on the door of Urlworth’s home. The woman who answered the door was Kelly’s mother Brienne. They looked alike, except Kelly had more of a Saxon build to her, “Finan! How wonderful it is to see you back safe and sound with us.” Her own Irish accent was thick as he remembered, “Are you finally here for good?”

Clearing his throat, Finan stood straight, and tried to stop his hands shaking, “Good afternoon, Ma’am. Ah, back at last for long enough that I can finally come to call after so long… Is the Lady Kelly at home?” “Oh- no, Finan, she is not, I believe she is out in the western fields picking flowers, shall I leave a message?” The woman gave him a gentle, yet sly, smile. She knew how her daughter loved this man, and how she’d missed him. “Uh- no need, Lady, thank you.” He bowed low and moved to get back on his horse, riding west of the walls of Urban Wintecester— he saw her. Close by the gates, in case. She was just as beautiful as she ever was. Picking flowers, as close to a faery as Finan ever imagined he would see. She was full of Old Magick, that he knew for sure. And he knew he was head over heels for her, for he dreamt of nothing else while away. Oh he had gotten his fair share of ribbing from the men. Fearsome Finan the Agile bowled over by a maiden. But he didn’t care. It had been three years since he lay eyes on her, and he hoped to never leave her behind again.

Kelly smelled a wild rose, sitting to pull out the well-worn piece of parchment written in Finan’s own hand. She had kept tabs on the events of the day, heard from the King and priests that Uhtred and his men lived, but they were endlessly fighting the Danes and the Northmen. Even if Finan never returned to her, she was proud to know a man who was so brave and so loyal. Finan watched her as she folded the parchment and kissed it gingerly before tucking it in her pocket once more. His smile was lopsided as he sighed, jumping down off his horse. When she heard rustling and the breathing of a horse, and the brush of footsteps in the grass, she jumped up. Spinning, holding out her dagger, she squinted up into the sun, confused as to the tall bearded man before her — and then gasped, “Finan!” “Honestly, woman, are ye gonna point a weapon at me whenever we meet?” Putting down her flowers and the dagger she set off at a run. Finan laughed and opened his arms, ready to embrace her. Running into his arms he picked her off the ground to spin her around, and she laughed in delight, “Oh Finan! You’re alright! You’re here! Its really you!” His response was only laughter. They did not speak for a long while. He just held her in the warm sun, “Miss me?” He purred in her ear. “Not really.” She answered and looked up at him. Finan grinned, “Ye know, one a’ these days, girl, yer gonna get a beatin’.” “Don’t promise me a good time.” Leaning down, Finan pressed his lips to hers. Their first kiss in years. They were sealed together by fate, the two of them. And fate is inexorable. Pulling back he looked down into her eyes and he smiled, “There is no greater felicity than this,” He cupped her chin and chuckled, staring into her eyes. Those beautiful blue orbs. After a few moments he kissed her again, and she responded, her lips playing right along with his. His kisses became hungrier, and then after a moment he pulled apart from her, looking down at her with shaking breath, “I’m sorry lass.” Kelly took a deep shaky breath herself, “Don’t you dare apologize. I’ve dreamt of nothing else but your lips on mine.” She admitted softly. “After all this time?” He smiled. The Twenty-three year old grinned up at him, “You said you were mine— but I didn’t get to tell you… I am yours. I kept abreast of your travels as much I could in town… I heard Sihtric is married- that Uhtred has two little ones…” “And what of me?” He smirked, “What did you hear of me?” “Your fighting prowess.” She sighed and ran her hand over his face, “Look at this beard.” “Don’ like it?” He frowned. “No I love it… your hair’s all evened out… your scars are faded…” She smoothed her hands over his face, “Yet you are the handsome man I met… the man I longed for.” “Ye’re still an angel,” He sighed dreamily. After a few minutes of silence, swallowing he grinned, “Come ta Coccham wit’ me. Say ye’ve been invited to stay with Abbess Hild in her new Abbey in Coocham. I can’t be apart from ye any longer. That’s why I’ve come, lass, I need you with me, so in between going out you will be at home with us- with me. Uhtred doesn’t much want to come into the city anymore... t’at’s why I haven’t had a moment ya sneak off and find ye. But I can’t spend another moment without ye.” She looked at him with a sly smile, “You intend to ruin me for another man, hm?” “I wouldn’t t’ink of it.” He said sincerely, “You will be stayin’ in a spare room. I just want ta spend time wit’ ye. Talk an’ do the thin’s I dreamed of whilst I was fightin’ these last years.” Kelly stroked his beard gently, “You must tell me of your journeys.” “I’ll tell ye all about it, and I have gifts to give you.” “Gifts!” Kelly gasped. He laughed softly, “Of course! Now— come lets get ye home, and pack for a stay with us.” He winked. “Yes, Lord.” She purred. He chuckled low in his throat, “Ooh, Lord, I could git used ta tha’, my girl.” He was silent for a moment as they walked toward his horse, and he cleared his throat, “Would ye… want another man?” He called back to her earlier comment. “What?” “Ye said… do I intend ta ruin ye for another man?” She huffed and hugged his arm, “Oh Finan! I was just teasing. You’re the only annoying Irishman for me, three years loyalty should prove that.” He smirked and nodded, “Come on.” He held out his hand for her, “Ye can ride on my horse wit’ me.” Her cheeks flushed as she was helped up onto the stallion, before Finan got up behind her. “If my father catches me on this horse with you…” “He’ll probably t’ank me fer takin’ his old girl off his hands, what are ye now, forty?” He smirked. Kelly gasped and looked behind her, “Finan!” The man leaned forward and kissed her again, “I love t’at fire in yer eyes. Never stop lookin’ at me like t’at.” “I never will if you keep being a pig, and besides! You’re the old man, what are you now seventy?” She smirked and kissed him again, lovingly. Pulling back he wrapped his arms around her and spurred the horse on. Kelly laughed and put her arms out with a shout of bliss. Finan grinned at the woman before him, joining her with his own shout of freedom- Hild and Thyra were right, as always, she was a wild thing.

After a good long ride through the countryside, Finan made it into town and stopped his horse a few blocks from her home, getting off the Stallion, and helping her down. Holding out his arm he smiled, “Yer escort, my lady.” She chuckled and took his arm, “Thank you, my Lord.” He growled softly, licking his lip, “I can’t wait to be alone wit ye… jus’ you an me… I want ta sit out wit ye under tha stars, and bathe you in moonlight, with kisses,” he whispered. It took everything in her not to swoon there in the middle of the palace courtyard. “Ah, Finan, you have returned to Wintecester at last—  and I see you are with Miss Kelly.” The cool voice of their King behind them, sounded surprised. Kelly spun around and bowed her head, cheeks red, “Lord King,” Finan repeated the action of bowing his head and he put a hand over his heart, “I hope you are well today, Lord?” She asked.           “Quite well today, praise God.” He smiled. He liked Kelly, she was smart and full of the good light of Christ, “You two seem to be getting along well. I’m a little surprised to see you two strolling arm in arm, I did not know you were acquainted, I haven’t seen you in the city for years, Finan.”           “Uh- Lady Kelly was invited to stay at Coccham, Lord— By Hild! I’ve been- been sent ta fetch her.” Finan managed. Kelly smiled bashfully, “Finan and I are indeed friends, Lord King, from years back.”           “Friends, I see.” A long look at the girls bashful face and Finan’s guilty eyes told him what he needed to know about the young people before him. He gave a smile. Finan was a great warrior and a Christian to boot. He was pleased. This would make a good union, “Well, then, enjoy your stay in Coccham, young lady, I’m sure you will find an excellent traveling companion in Finan.” “Thank you, Lord, I believe I will.” Kelly smiled and bowed her head. “I shall be sure to recommend Finan as a person of great esteem to your father.” Kelly’s eyes widened as the King bid them farewell and moved into the palace. Looking up to her Irishman, she noted he looked panicked, “What’s wrong?” “I—“ He stuttered, “I’ve never been recommended ta a lass’ father by a King.” “You have promised me nothing, I know.” She said gently, touching his hand. Finan sighed and kissed her hand, “It’s not tha. Tha’s no what I meant at all.” “Then what?” He took a deep breath, “Listen my girl, I’m not… good. I’m a devil on tha battlefield, an’ I’ve been a lecherous pig an’ a lover a’ whores. I’ve been a slayer a’ men and, God help me, lass, I’m a sinner.” She took his hands in both of hers, “As am I, Finan. We are not perfect. If God had made us perfect, we wouldn’t need him and his salvation and love.” Finan looked at her and smiled a little, “Aye girl… you’re right. Yer so right.” He leaned down and kissed her head, “Remind me ta always come to ye when I need ta be set straight.” Nodding she squeezed his hand, “I will, always.” He nodded in return, knowing he wanted to be entwined with her always, never letting go, “Ye’ll come wit me on our next journey? If its no’ too dangerous?” “If it is appropriate, lord.” She chuckled. “Good. Cause I never want ta be away from ye tha’ long ever again.” Kelly smiled warmly, shifting to hold his hand, “Nor I.”

[timetravelingheart]

My Side of the Fence Part Sixteen: A.M. Imagine

This really isn’t what I wanted it to be and I felt a little like I boxed myself in, but I’ll get out of it. Just bear with me for this chapter, please. 

One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven TwelveThirteen Fourteen Fifteen

Auston wasn’t sure if Melanie would want to talk to him or not after he had basically ignored all of her attempts to reach out after he ended their...thing. He was still not entirely sure what to call it. He met Melanie at a time when all he really wanted out of women was company on lonely nights when all of his buddies in relationships were busy and good sex, and for the most part, that’s all they really seemed to want out of him as well. But Melanie was different, even though he didn’t realize it at first. 

They met at Jade’s birthday last season and Auston went back to her place that night, and then a few nights after that as well, and eventually it just kind of became a thing. He wasn’t used to regular hook-ups and usually tried to avoid them, but Melanie was smart, funny, and beautiful. She was great company and didn’t really care at all about hockey, which he actually liked. Before he knew it, they had been sleeping together for over two months and things were going well. But one day he was at Patrick and Christina’s house hanging out with their family when Patrick pulled him aside. 

Flashback, February 2018 

“Man, you have the best family,” Auston stated wistfully as he and Patrick moved set up the pool table in the basement. The boys were off to bed after a few intense games of mini sticks and Christina was out at the movies with some girlfriends, so the two hockey players were left to their own devices for the evening. When Patrick asked Auston to hang back for a bit, while not unusual, Auston knew something was on his mind. 

“I can’t deny that,” Patrick laughed lightly, counting his blessings every time he thought of his boys and the love of his life. He knew it wasn’t easy on Christina during the season to take care of their rambunctious brood, and he was so grateful to her for letting him live both of his dreams simultaneously with hockey and their family. “So what about you? You’ve been seeing Melanie for a bit now. That’s a little different for you.”

Auston sighed. He wasn’t sure what to really say about the situation with Melanie and he didn’t want to come across as an ass, especially in front of someone he respected as much as he did Patty. But he also knew that Patty would see through any bullshit in an instant and call him on it, albeit in more of a fatherly way than Mitch or Mo would. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess it’s been a while,” he mumbled. To be honest, he had been trying not to think of how long it had been and analyzing what that meant. 

“She seems great, smart girl,” Patrick lined up his break, sinking a solid. He had only met her once at an event Jade and Kadri had hosted, and she really did seem nice. She seemed like she had a great head on her shoulders and was sincere. Even Christina acknowledged it, so he knew it must be true. The significant others of hockey players were pretty quick to sniff out any additions who looked to be there for the wrong reasons and always saw through it way before any of the players actually did, or wanted to admit at least. 

“Oh, she is,” Auston nodded sincerely, watching as Patty missed his next shot and started lining up his own. “She’s great.”

“And?” Patrick prodded, leaning on his cue stick. “There has to be more to it if this is the first girl you’ve seen more than once in how long?”

Auston sighed, missing his shot. “She’s great,” he repeated. “And being with her has made me realize that I’m tired of just seeing a girl once and for one thing. I look at you and Christina and Mitch and Steph, and a year ago I would have laughed in your face if you asked if I wanted that. Or if I felt ready for that.”

“And now?”

“And now it’s almost all I think about,” he answered truthfully. Patrick reminded him a lot of his mom in that he could get you to spill just about anything and you wouldn’t feel even remotely vulnerable. “But not with her.”

Patrick nodded. While Melanie was great, he could tell from a mile away that Auston wasn’t really in ‘it’ with her. He was just waiting for his moment to get into the head of his younger friend without all of their nosy and opinionated - and well-intentioned - teammates around. 

“So why are you still with her?”

Auston took his shot and missed, shaking his head at himself. Patrick felt for the kid. Before Christina, he was a mess himself. He met her pretty young, thankfully, but he remembered what it felt like to be with someone who wasn’t exactly what you were looking for.

“Look, you know I’m not judging you. But for both of your sakes, if you want a relationship and it’s not with her, you know what you have to do. Besides,” he paused to sink his last ball, winning the game, “the longer you’re with the wrong girl, the more time you spend without the right one.” 

That night was the night Auston went over to Melanie’s house and ended things with her. When he expressed interest in being in a relationship, she asked if he had considered trying it with her. He hated how he felt and how she looked when he told her no. And he promised himself from that day forward to not make anyone else ever look that way because of him. He was done looking for girls to just sleep with and was ready for a relationship. 

He had to laugh a bit at himself though, considering the current situation he got himself into. But he knew the payoff in the end would be worth it. Being with Savannah in every sense of the word would always be worth it, he was sure of it. 

“Matts,” Mitch nudged Auston from his spot next to him on the couch, breaking him from his memory. Mitch nodded in the direction of Savannah, who was now leaning on the railing and chatting idly with Jade. Melanie was heading right in their direction and Auston immediately felt the urge to intervene, but Mitch’s grip on his thigh stopped him. 

“Mitch, they can’t-” Auston started, eyes blazing. 

“It will be fine,” Mitch stated calmly. “Just let it happen. If you do anything, it’s only going to make things worse for both of them.”

Angry and nervous, Auston could only stay seated with his friend and watch the next events unfold. 

__

“Savannah, thank you so much for coming out tonight! I know Nazem really likes you,” Jade affectionately touched Savannah’s arm as the two women leaned against the railing looking out over the bar. “And I know you don’t really go out much.”

Savannah nodded, sipping at her amaretto sour. “I really don’t, so what better time than to celebrate a couple of the boys? Thank you for inviting me!” She was having a good time so far and really felt welcomed by the whole Leafs family. It was nice to be part of that. Sometimes the skating world, especially the individual skating world, got a little lonely. While she loved her Team Canada teammates and friends, the day to day always felt a little lonely. 

“Jade!” a tall, beautiful blonde walked up to the two ladies, pulling Jade into a big hug. 

“Mel! I didn’t think you were going to make it!” Jade squeezed her back. “Oh, I have to introduce you. Melanie, this is Savannah. Savannah, this is one of my dearest friends, Melanie.” 

The beautiful blonde turned to Savannah and recognition immediately crossed her model features. “Oh my gosh, you’re Savannah Lane! You were amazing in Pyeongchang! My whole family was cheering for you.” 

Savannah warmed to her immediately, to the sincerity clear in her voice. While she hated that she was recognized on a night out, particularly on a night out with the local hockey team, she hoped that because this girl was clearly used to these people that it would be okay. 

She laughed warmly, reaching out her hand to shake the star-struck girl. “I am! It’s nice to meet you.” 

“Naz is calling for me,” Jade turned to the girls. “Do you girls need another drink or anything?” The two girls shook their heads and watched as Jade away before turning back to each other. 

“Have you known this group for a long time?” Savannah asked politely. 

“I’ve been friends with Jade for years,” Melanie nodded as she sipped her vodka cranberry. “Actually, I used to kind of have a thing with one of the players.” Based on her grimace, Savannah could tell whatever the thing was, it didn’t end well. Not one for gossip, she had no intention of prying. 

“Oh, I see,” she said, lamely. “Well, it’s nice that you were still able to come out for the event.”  

“To be honest, I was a little worried it would be awkward,” Melanie rambled, clearly not caring if Savannah wanted to know or not. “I haven’t been around the guys for a while since everything with Auston.”

Savannah’s stomach dropped at his name. Fuck. She should have known. Before she could say anything in an attempt to steer the conversation away from whatever thing Auston and Melanie had, Melanie pressed on. 

“Yeah, we actually used to date. Well, I guess you could call it that. I’m not sure what Auston would call it.”

“I see,” Savannah sipped her drink, willing herself to remain polite and fighting her urge to duck and run. She didn’t need to know about Auston’s past. She didn’t want to know. The more distance she kept between herself and Auston’s love life, the better. Ironic, she knew, considering the nature of their current relationship, but it worked for her. Melanie, still not reading Savannah’s lack of interest, continued.

“I’m sure I’m better off,” she sighed wistfully. “He’s a great guy, but has serious commitment issues. He told me that he was done hooking up with girls and since we were seeing each other pretty regularly, I figured that meant he was all in with me. And then out of nowhere he says that he doesn’t want anything serious with me and then just ignored all of my calls after that.” She shook her head, clearly still affected by their end. Savannah stood still, not saying a word. 

Melanie seemed to finally clue in that Savannah wasn’t responding, turning to the petite girl next to her. “I’m so sorry for dropping all of that on you! I don’t know where that came from. I guess I’m just nervous being in the same room as him again. Oh gosh, I didn’t even think to ask - how do you know everyone?”

Savannah cleared her throat. “I’ve been friends with Stephanie, Mitch’s girlfriend, for years. I recently moved back to Toronto so she introduced me to the team. They’ve become a bit of a family for me here.”

"Oh, thank god,” Melanie breathed a sigh of relief. “You were so quiet that I was worried you were seeing Auston and I just made things awkward.”

Savannah wanted to laugh. Actually she wanted to bang her head on a wall and cry at how stupid she was being and how utterly ridiculous this entire situation was. But, she couldn’t do either of those things, so instead she resorted to her go-to performance perfect smile and shook her head softly. “No, no don’t worry. Auston and I are just friends.” 

Even to her the words were starting to feel like a ridiculous lie, but she held on to them with all her might. Those two words anchored her; they kept one foot on the ground whenever the other started to tread dangerous waters. And lately, the waters had been even rockier and murkier than usual and Savannah wasn’t sure how much longer she could stay in without someone going overboard and getting hurt. Careful, she reminded herself. 

“With your crazy career, it must be hard to date?” Melanie asked, genuinely curious. Savannah hated how sweet Melanie was. If she were awful, Savannah would feel no guilt at ending this conversation here and now, but she stuck with it. 

"Yeah, it definitely can be,” she nodded. “Sometimes it’s better to just have a singular focus. Eyes on the prize, and all of that.”

Eyes on the prize. That was always the goal. But how come the concept of the prize was starting to feel a little hollow? She wanted another gold. In fact, she wanted two more golds with the team event as well. And she would get them. But at what expense? Fuck, she thought. This is exactly why she doesn’t drink and absolutely why she had made the promise she did. Two months ago she wouldn’t be questioning any of this. What was happening to her?

"Well you were amazing in the last Olympics, so it seems like whatever you’ve been doing has been working for you,” Melanie pulled Savannah from her thoughts once again. This conversation needed to end and it needed to end now. 

But before she could say anything, Melanie spoke again, this time staring off into the distance. “Maybe I should see tonight as an opportunity to get things right this time? Maybe he just wasn’t sure of himself last time. Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?” Savannah followed her eye-line and was unsurprised to make eye contact with Auston. He stared at her intently, brown locked on green, as if he were willing her to be okay. She could tell he was antsy and knew he would be wondering about the conversation the two girls were having. She shook her head subtly, silently telling him not to worry. He kept his gaze locked on hers; Savannah, for her part, didn’t feel as strong in her own mind and cut off their stare, eyes returning to the tall girl next to her. 

“No. No, I don’t think he is.” Please go away, please go away, she begged. 

“Okay, I think a need a little more liquid courage and then I’ll see where this night takes me. I should probably get back to my friends. It was really nice to meet you, and again, I’m so sorry for talking your ear off!” Melanie squeezed Savannah’s arm gently and gave a little wave before wandering off. 

Before Savannah could even let out the breath she was holding, Stephanie was at her side and pulling her by the hand away from the railing. “Let’s go outside for a minute.”

Auston watched in desperation as Steph dragged Savannah down the stairs. Steph wouldn’t leave without telling Mitch, he knew that. But he wanted to know what Melanie told her and if he needed to do any damage control. Everything had been going so well save for this afternoon. And since he still didn’t have an honest answer to explain why Savannah had dodged him all day, he was feeling even more insecure than usual about their situation. 

When Steph and Savannah stepped out onto the back patio, Savannah released a long breath and folded her arms across her chest. The October air was cold this time at night, but she welcomed the breeze; it was comforting to her by reminding her of the rink. She felt safe in this cool space, lit only by twinkling lights around the patio fence. A few people were outside as well, so Steph pulled Savannah off to a quiet corner and sat her down on one of the cushioned benches. 

"So you met Melanie,” Steph stated plainly.

"Mhm. Nice girl.”

"She really is,” Steph genuinely agreed. “Are you okay?”

"Why wouldn’t I be?” Savannah shrugged. 

Steph rolled her eyes. “Sav, you’re too smart to play dumb.”

"So she dated Auston. Why should it matter?” Savannah tried to remain nonchalant. 

"It shouldn’t, but based on the look on your face right now, I’m guessing it does matter,” Steph’s tone turned gentler, more nurturing. As much of a pain in the ass as Savannah could be when she was stubborn and attempting to remain unemotional, Steph knew this wasn’t easy for her and even if Savannah didn’t want to admit it, Steph knew why. “Maybe a little more than you were expecting?”

Savannah kept her eyes glued to her fidgeting hands on her lap. If Auston were here, he would have taken her small, always cold hands into his massive, always warm ones. He did it to ground her to him, to them, and to their situation at hand, whatever it may be. And while she hated herself for it, she craved that feeling in this moment and she craved it specifically from him. The thought brought tears to her eyes that she expertly willed away. She was relying on years of practice of maintaining composure in front of others, not wanting anyone to know how deeply affected she was. But Steph knew her through and through and Savannah knew she couldn’t hide from her. Tears willed away, she returned Steph’s concerned gaze.

“It can’t matter, Steph. I just…it can’t matter,” she shook her head, her resolve coming back strong. “It doesn’t matter. But I do have to talk to Auston.”

The night of 21 questions and the night this all started came flooding back to her. He had said that if he were looking for a serious relationship, the last girl he was with wasn’t who it would be with. She knew based on the timeline that the girl was Melanie. But did that mean he actually was looking for a relationship? Had he been lying to her this entire time about being okay with just keeping things casual? Had she been leading him on to think that this could be something more? Her head was swimming with questions and she needed answers.

"About?” Steph asked tentatively. The determined look on Savannah’s face was one she was deeply familiar with, and was usually fiercely proud of. But in this moment, she couldn’t help but be concerned. 

"To clear some things up. We have rules and I need to know that they are still in place. This doesn’t work without those rules and without both of us knowing where we stand.” 

Steph fought the urge to groan. Savannah’s entire life was governed by rules and logic and reasoning and schedules and narratives and just so many restrictions that made Steph’s head swim. Some placed on her by Skate Canada, her coaches, the media - but a lot were placed on her by her own doing. Savannah wanted to be the best and after dealing with the rumours and the bullshit Dylan put her through and how awful he tried to make her feel when she expressed that, Stephanie knew it wasn’t easy for Savannah to let go of or alter her boundaries. What happened with Auston was an anomaly and Steph was hopeful it meant that Savannah was easing up on herself and finding a happy balance. But the look on Savannah’s face was telling her that balance was not on her horizon and Auston had absolutely no idea what he was in for.

“Come on,” Savannah stood up and held out a hand to Steph. “You look like you’re about to turn as blue as the colour of your eyes.” Savannah pulled Steph to her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist. 

“Sav, you know that your life doesn’t have to be all about rules, right? You can win gold without sacrificing other areas of your life and happiness,” Steph paused before they could enter the loud bar again. 

“I’m happy Steph,” Savannah smiled tightly at her friend, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She laughed lightly at her best friend’s concerned eyes and squeezed her hands. “Don’t worry about me, munchkin. I’m doing what I love and I’m happy. Eyes on the prize,” this time she said it with more determination and finality. 

Steph sighed and returned the hand squeeze, knowing it was no use to talk to Savannah when she had her mind set on something, especially something as important to her as the Olympics. Very few people truly understood Savannah’s determination, Steph included. In fact, she often felt like there was a distance between them in the shape of that very determination. But at the end of the day, her best friend worked her ass off to get to where she was and she loved that she wasn’t going to let anyone or anything stand in her way of her dreams. She just wished that Savannah didn’t view love as an obstacle or a distraction or something to fear; love could be another source of strength if she just let it. Steph only hoped that Auston would stick it out and prove that to her. 

When the girls returned to the upper floor, Savannah scanned quickly for Auston and found him leaning against the railing with Morgan and Mitch. They looked to be deep in conversation. Steph nudged Savannah gently. When she followed Steph’s eye line, she spotted Melanie laughing and clearly flirting with another guy Savannah didn’t recognize. So, she must have already talked to Auston. As much as Savannah wanted to know how that conversation went, she knew it was important to maintain her current line of thinking. 

As if they felt their eyes on them, the three men turned to see that the girls had returned. Mitch immediately moved towards Steph and pulled her into his side. He knew something had happened outside and could tell by the look on his girlfriend’s face that she wasn’t entirely happy. He had a bad gut feeling that her unhappiness was a sign of his best friend’s unhappiness to come. Morgan could feel the tension radiating from both Auston and Savannah, as well as the unease and concern Mitch and Stephanie were emitting, and took it upon himself to step in. 

“So, you two ladies ready to rejoin the night? Hit the dance floor maybe?” he joked, doing an awkward shuffle dance. Fortunately he received a few laughs from everyone, but could tell the tension wasn’t quite broken. 

“As tempting as it would be to see those moves on a bigger stage Mo, I think I might head home and leave the dancing to everyone else tonight,” Savannah smiled softly.

“I’ll take you home,” Auston replied instantly, not willing to let her run away from him this time. 

“Oh, you don’t have to. Stay and have fun with your friends,” Savannah offered, now noticing how Mitch, Steph, and Morgan all quietly and subtly left them on their own and walked to the other side of the floor. 

Auston watched as she fidgeted with her earring, a tick he was noticing she did whenever she felt uncertain or uncomfortable and fought the urge to squeeze her hand in his to ground her back to him, to them. “Sav, let me take you home, please.” Don’t run, he felt himself begging. Don’t run from me.

Savannah dropped her hand from her earring, letting it hang loosely by her side. You can do this. Eyes on the prize. 

“Okay, let’s go.”

[lettersfromn0where]

Creator Tag

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc!) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2018. Tag as many writers/artists/etc as you want (fan or original!) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

I was tagged, appropriately, by my first-ever Tumblr buddy, @disruptedvice - thank you for thinking of me! 

This is a bit tough because every fanwork I’ve ever posted has been written since April. There’s certainly a few stupid oneshots in my repertoire that I’m not proud of, but considering that at the beginning of the year I was petrified of the mere idea of writing and sharing fanfiction, I’m rather pleased with the fact that I managed to do anything at all. So, without further ado, my top five (in order from 5th-1st):

5. remember me, once in a while (please promise me you'll try) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14936669

Short summary: IW missing scene. After Gamora is taken on Knowhere, Peter struggles to accept the reality that she may be gone. There is a letter. It is 100% intentional emotional manipulation, pure and simple, and I’m pretty sure everyone who read this realized that. 

Excerpt: 

The faint trails of tears, yet to evaporate, lingered on Peter’s face for all his attempts to disguise them as he turned the sheet of paper in his hands, reluctant to open it for fear of tainting something so precious. He paid no heed to the ever-shifting starscape racing past the windows, trying not to risk being caught in tears as he thought of the moment, on the way to Knowhere, that Gamora had pressed the letter into his hands.

“In case…” She said, but trailed off, neither wanting to confront the sentence’s inevitable end.

“No,” Peter had protested, voice thick with emotion. “You won’t-“

"It’s just a precaution,” Gamora had tried to reassure him, but even she knew her tone was entirely unconvincing.

Peter had kept the letter with him every moment they’d been apart, hoping desperately he’d never need to open it but unwilling to part from it lest it be lost along with –

No, he told himself, feverishly, with all of the desperation his worry-worn mind could muster.

Commentary: This one was not what I’d consider to be my best-written piece, but it was certainly (from the way people reacted) one of the most emotionally impactful. Any fic that gets you multiple angry comments from people claiming you made them cry has to be at least somewhat of a favorite, right? This one was, oddly enough, based on an anime, “Your Lie in April.” I’m not an anime person, but YLIA is about a violinist, so as a violinist I had to watch it, and it BROKE MY HEART INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES. *Spoiler* one of the key moments in the series comes after the protagonist’s death when she leaves a letter to the boy she was in love with for him to read after she dies, revealing things she couldn’t while she was alive. That idea of the posthumous letter, translated to the GOTG-verse (and the fact that I sobbed my eyes out while rewatching the clip where said boy reads the letter), made its way into my mind and wouldn’t leave. And that is why I had several very angry people cursing at me in the comments. 

And to whoever commented “f*** you”: I’m honored.

4. meet me in this broken place https://archiveofourown.org/works/15646347

Short Summary: post-IW, during the (hypothetical) events of Endgame. My Damaged Babies, Peter and Wanda (Maximoff), both of whom lost significant others during the events of IW, find solace in the fact that they both know the feeling of losing everyone one holds dear. 

Excerpt: 

They don’t want to imagine a world without the ones they love, but – even with their teammates working around the clock, making and discarding endless plans to save them – they realize now that maybe their good fortune had been exhausted by their own returns to life. They are left with no choice but to venture blindly into a bleak future without the ones whose sides they never thought they’d leave.

“What are we going to do?” she asks, too weary to conceal her worry.

“I guess…we just have to keep going,” he says numbly, but it’s plain as day that he doesn’t believe a word out of his own mouth.

“What is there for us in a future without them?” she asks, rhetorically but not entirely so, and plays with the hem of her jacket. It’s frayed with the trauma of the past days, looking about as battered and torn as she feels.

“Don’t know.” He shrugs. “I wish I still knew how to hope that I’d see her again.”

“Isn’t that the problem, though?” she asks, pursing her lips in painful irony. “None of us knows how to hope for the best anymore. We try to fix things, not believing that anything we do is going to work.”

He ponders her statement, turns it over in his mind – it is their problem, he realizes. They are working tirelessly towards an end they all believe to be futile. Yes, they’ve accomplished three-quarters of what they set out to do. But it doesn’t feel like a figure to celebrate when the other quarter of the equation determines the fate of the people they cherish most.

Commentary: this is essentially a super depressing slice-of-life fic. I chose it because A) Wanda Maximoff is the love of my life and I loved writing her, and B) I think the writing in this is just about the best I’ve seen in any of my work. I like the way the prose came out here - the melancholy tone lends itself well to the style in which I write, if that makes any sense, even if at points the excess of run-on sentences and overlong prose becomes rather tired. I was proud of this one. (Not super popular, but it always seems like it’s the super trite stuff I don’t think was good that gets comments while the ones I like are unnoticed. Heh...) 

3. I Guess It’s Half Timing (and the Other Half’s Luck) https://archiveofourown.org/works/14775470/chapters/34172447

Short Summary: high school AU. Peter’s a jock, benched with academic ineligibility until he can get his grades up. Gamora is the type-A star student in charge of the peer tutoring program that may be Peter’s only hope of playing in the State Championships. You can probably predict the ending...

Excerpt: 

“So, let me get this straight. You’re eligible again, but you still wanna spend every single afternoon at tutoring?” Rocket shook his head, sincerely disappointed. “You’ve got it worse than I thought.”

“Yes and no,” Peter vaguely defended himself. “I mean, yeah, she won’t talk to me any other way, but I’ve realized something, too.”

“This oughta be good,” Rocket snickered. “What, do ya suddenly feel called to be a brain surgeon or something?”

Peter fixed him with a nonplussed gaze. “Why would I want to do that? I can’t even get a shot without losing it.”

Rocket rolled his eyes. “I mean, do you think your future depends on your grades all the sudden? Little late for that.”

“No, but now that I’ve realized I can do better, it should start aiming higher-“ he started to explain.

“…because Gamora only dates guys who care about school,” Nebula finished for him, walking up with her usual inopportune timing.

“Dude! How and why are you always sneaking up on me?” Peter shuddered. “It’s creepy!”

Nebula shrugged. “I pride myself on my timing.”

“Oh, so this is what that’s about,” Rocket cackled. “You’re hilarious. You fall for the smartest girl in your class and all the sudden you decide you’re going to be on the honor roll or something?”

“Rocket…”

Commentary: this fic. Ohhhh, boy. It was a bit of a trainwreck, but oh, how I LOVED writing it. It’s a light, fluffy high school rom-com mixing my own relentless fixation on academics with excessive melodrama, a very, VERY OOC Nebula, and a million vague tie-ins to the movies that I’m fairly certain no one noticed. “Half Timing” is not, in my opinion, fantastically written (witty at times, mind-numbingly cheesy at others), but it was endlessly fun to write, and I loved the ending. Plus, it’s the reason I became friends with @disruptedvice, who had MANY feelings about the New Year’s scene. MANY. (She was 37% of the reason this fic was so fun to write.) It spawned three unnecessary sequel oneshots and was a productive start to a summer which I spent primarily writing fanfiction and studying for the SAT. This one’s on here for the nostalgia and the fact that it was so central to everything else I’ve written, not for literary merit, but it is and will always be dear to my heart.

2. So Many Things Unknown https://archiveofourown.org/works/14632275/chapters/33818142

Short Summary: Soul World Mantis feels. A half fix-it.

Excerpt: 

Peter didn’t need to hear his name to know it was him she called to, and exactly who was calling and why and where he was and – He turned. Mantis saw Gamora’s eyes widen, filling with tears, almost beginning to go to him before stopping herself again, for reasons Mantis did not understand. For a while the two simply stood, perhaps thirty feet apart, saying nothing and staring across the distance at each other as if they were not sure of the reliability of their eyesight.

And then she broke into a run, and they were in each other’s arms, and Mantis could not hear everything they were saying, but she knew from the way their shoulders shook that both were crying, and she thought she heard a faint “I love you” and she knew they both said something to the effect of “I thought I’d lost you” and “I’m here” and repeated it until they both finally believed it was really happening, and something inside her felt suddenly warm and whole.

She had seen her share of unfair endings in the last couple of days. Untold numbers of young, gifted, and truly good people had been taken long before their times. Countless others had lost the ones they held dearest, some forced to watch. The future of the universe looked rather bleak; half of her friends were trapped in some sort of afterlife in a rock that had started a war, and the rest were scattered across the cosmos. But she knew, in that moment, that it would not stay this way. They would find a way out of here, and they’d stop this and make everything right again. Mantis was surer of this than she had been of anything before. Optimistic, perhaps, she knew; but she felt this time that her instinct could not be proven wrong.

This, too, would pass.

It had to.

Commentary: my first posted fanfic and the lovely @marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches‘ favorite, I almost didn’t post this. I was deathly afraid of writing fanfiction for years and it took the trauma of IW to make me realize how many stories I had to tell, if I’d only allow myself. I was overly cautious when I wrote this, terrified of writing someone OOC or setting the story at an unrealistically fast pace, and I didn’t think it was much good, but I posted it anyway...and here I am. Some of the sweetest comments I’ve ever received were about this piece and though at time the progression of events is a bit ???, I think it was a decent start. “So Many Things Unknown” was where it all started, and though it’s not my favorite thing I’ve written, I’m proud that I was able to get it out there. 

1. Take What I Took and Give It Back to You 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14986307

Short Summary: Mantis feels, 5+1 style. That is all. 

Excerpt: 

She can’t see it. Mantis has never been an influencer; she’s simply in the background, where she’s always assumed she is meant to be. But perhaps that – sensitivity, a sort of gentleness – is what she brings to the team that it lacked before, she concludes.

She is an empath, after all, and a powerful one. Most of her teammates possess the emotional intelligence of lumps of metal. Mantis thinks, liking the idea more than she admits, that maybe she’s helping to shape those metal lumps.

After all, hearts are malleable, she thinks. They don’t stay the same.

Sitting in the kitchen once again, staring into her beloved mug, chipped with four years of wear, Mantis smiles.

Commentary: and now for my all-time favorite. I rarely think well of my writing, but I was SO incredibly proud of this one. As an ex-homeschooler who grew up relatively isolated and still does not “understand the intricacies of social interaction,” I’ve always connected to Mantis more than any other Guardian; if I had to pick, she’d probably be my favorite character in the entire MCU canon. So I love writing her. It makes me feel as if I can get inside her head in a way I can’t with the other Guardians. In addition, the 5+1 format was a perfectly-suited framing device for the story I wanted to tell, and I’m pretty sure I exhausted a year’s worth of pretty lines on this story. I feel like I risk sounding arrogant, but when you genuinely love your own writing, you have to embrace it - that’s VERY rare. As soon as I saw that I’d been tagged for this, I knew that this would be the story I ranked as my favorite. 

Thank you SO much for the tag, @disruptedvice! Tagging @bevioletskies and @marypoppinswasmyfatherbitches. 

[moonraccoon-exe]

Dear Peridot,

An apology for making a post instead of replying to the ask. What you wrote felt intimate (to you), and as I know your head must be clouded and everything, I wasn’t sure if you were 100% okay with anyone seeing what happened, or if you would rather it be more personal, so I’m writing to you this way, as to not expose what you told me, or at least for it not to be the first thing people see. For you, more than for them or for me, I mean. 

As a post, there’s no way, of course, that I can grant to you that nobody else is reading through this. I’m sorry if you feel uncomfortable with it being so public, but I can’t contact you as Peridot in another way, so this is as best as I could do to keep it as personal as possible. 

First of all, I’m very, very, profoundly sorry. So, so sorry, Peridot. I almost don’t want to say anything else, because right now you don’t need to be told anything. You don’t need advices or pity or any cheering up. All that you need is...somebody sitting with some centimeters in between, in silence. You need to know someone is there with you, and just that. 

It’s moments like this that I wish I could teleport to where youare and do exactly just that. Sit there, just so you remember you’re not alone, but without me invading your space and privacy. Sit there, so you can ask me for a real, physical hug if you want it. Sit there, and leave if you ask me to. Just sit there, nearby you, not doing anything other than gift my presence to you, so you can tell me yourself what it is that you need.

I’m profoundly sorry, Peridot. I don’t know what else to say, and I repeat, it’s actually the only thing I think you should hear, or need. I’m so, so, so sorry. So sincerely sorry. It pains me to know you in pain. I’m happy that you told me, and let me know, that you shared this big bit of trust to me, yet I stand solidary to you, and pain with you. I don’t and can’t share your pain; that’s yours. Only you know what you lost, what it meant to you, and how it hurts you. So I don’t share it; I ache for and with you, not like you. Your pain is yours, and it’s valid, and it’s okay. 

Feeling terrible is okay. Not being okay is okay. So be not okay if you need it, if you feel it, Peridot. Be all the not okay you need. It’s an understandable pain, and nobody can tell you to not feel it, not even yourself. Let it be. Let the pain grow until it fades on its own; don’t force it to leave. Pain, sadness, anger, all the negative feelings are okay. Just because they’re negative doesn’t mean they’re ruining you or hurting you. It’s like needles in the heart; if you force them out, you’ll just hurt yourself way beyond what’s necessary. If you force them in, they’ll stay there and it’s even far, fary more dangerous. So just let them come out as they please; as is natural. It hurts, of course, but it’s necessary. And you can pull through it, dear friend, you can. You’re stronger than the pain, even if you don’t feel like that.

Take all the time that you need, Peridot. Don’t feel bad or guilty for not writing. I’m not going anywhere, anywhere. Don’t think about me; focus entirely on yourself. Take the days you need, the weeks you need, heck, even months. If I’ll miss you, of COURSE I’ll miss you! But I want you to be okay. What sort of selfish creature would I be if I demanded your presence when I know you’re not in conditions? No, dear friend. I’d rather not read anything from you in a month than make you feel forced to write everyday, when you’re shattering. If what you need righ tnow is a time away, go. Feeling no pressure, no guilt, nothing.

If anything, all you should feel is my pride and support for you. You’re a dear friend to me, so all I want is for you to do what you think will do best to yourself. So do what you need to pain through this and to heal from this, thinking of no one else, thinking of nothing else but your health, emotional and physical, and know that that’s precisely and exactly what will make me happy and proud. Attend to yourself. As I said, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be waiting for you. Right now just focus in you and just you.

I keep re-reading your ask to know what to say, but all I think about is how truly sorry I am. I’ve been writing this response with a knot in my throat. I myself can’t believe this had to happen. I don’t know the full context as you do, but knowing what happened, it’s shocking. I can’t imagine how it must have been for you. Of course it’s shocking, of course it must have had a terrible, huge, and numbing impact on you. How you received the news, how it happened, who it was, the fact that it never happens where you live and when it does it’s like this...all that information at once, all so suddenly, all so unexpectted, all at once falling on you. Of course it must have been beyond shocking.

Of course it must be hard for you to think about anything else right now. And that’s perfectly fine. It’s very, very, very understandable. I understand. I don’t understand how you feel, that, only you know. But I understand that you must be feeling the way you do. And that’s fine, Peridot, dearest, let yourself feel even if it burns. Pain dies through fire; let it burn, even if it hurts. If you don’t, then the pain will always be there. Let yourself feel, let yourself think of only that if that’s what you need, don’t apologize for feeling bad, or don’t think you’re doing wrong. What you’re going through, how things happened, of course it must be terribly shocking, and no one can blame you for having your mind andemotions all focused on it.

I’m so sorry, Peridot. I wish I could be there to hug you, to ask what it is that you need, to do something. These are terrible news and I wish I could hold your hand or give you a grip on the shoulder, anything so you know, physically, that you’re not alone, and tthat it’s okay to feel the way you do. 

I’m so sorry this happened, Peridot, so, so sorry. 

Know, too, that it’s okay to feel like you can’t, but know that you do. Even when you’re certain of it, know that you can. You’re strong, and this will make you even stronger. When I tell you that you can pull through this, it doesn’t mean that you will stop crying tomorrow, or that you’ll “get over it” in a few days. No. What I mean with you can is that as terrible as it is right now, as slow as it may be, you’ll eventually recover. Because that’s what good hearts always do, they always heal. And you know the key? 

The key is, you cry. And you let yourself feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. We all mourn in our own way. If you need to cry, do it. If you need to scream, do it. If you need to write a letter, do it. So long you’re not hurting anyone, yourself included, do what your body and your heart ask you to. That’s the best and only way we truly heal; by letting ourselves feel what our heart is feeling. No repressing, no avoiding, no hiding. Feel what you’re feeling, and feel it freely, without remorse, without “what if”s. 

I know that what youu’re feeling may be scary. But let yourself feel it anyway; it’s not about not being scared, but to go through the dark even if you fear. Go at your pace, go as you need, but go. It may feel terrible, it may feel overwhelming, but know that it won’t be forever, and that you can do it, little warrior,even if you don’t realize it. 

None of what I said are advices. They’re reminders. You don’t need any of what I’m telling you; I’m being selfish and telling you all this because I worry. But right now what you need is just to be told Sorry, and having someone else’s presence. So don’t take them if you don’t want, you don’t need to. I just want you to know that it’s okay to let yourself feel. But as I said: do as YOU feel you need. Only you know what you need right now. And whatever it is, so long you cause no harm to others or yourself, it’s valid.

Dearest Peridot, know that I’m here for you. Sadly, I can’t do it more than just this way; through the internet, across the ocean. But I’ve known the power of an internet friend, and I hope that it can reach you as it’s reached me in the past. With the same sincerity, with the same weight, with the same impact. 

I know I can’t ease your pain, nor can I have nowhere near half the impact that these events had on you. And that’s not my goal. I don’t aim to something I can’t do. All that I want is for you to feel that you really are not alone, and that you’ve got my entire support,dear Peridot. I’m here, even if just as an internet creature. You don’t need to tell me anything if you don’t want to; what I’m offering is not my ears. All I’m offering is my presence as I wrote earlier; someone that sits some centimeters of distance from you, in silence, offering whatever help it is that you need.

If you want to talk, okay. If you don’t, okay. I’ll still be here. If you want a hug, okay. If you don’t, okay. I’ll still be here. That’s what I’m offering and trying to give; that presence nearby you, that you don’t need to attend to if you don’t want to, and who is there just so you know you’re not alone, and you’ve got someone if you ever need it, in whatever way it may be. 

I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, Peridot. I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for what you’re feeling. I’m sorry. 

As I said, I’m not going anywhere, even less now that you’re in need. So if you ever need anything, even if it’s something like just writing another “I’m sorry”, even if it’s just saying hello, even if it’s just reading you and you don’t want an answer,anything that you need that you think I could help with, you tell me. Don’t be afraid to ask anything, friend. That’s what the raccoonie is here, for, okay? If I weren’t up to help, I wouldn’t be offering it. So don’t be afraid of asking anything if you ever require of it.

I’m here for you, alright, buddy? Not going anywhere. Focus on yourself, let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. And know that yes, you can. You can. It’s okay to feel like you can’t, but know that you do; don’t force yourself to feel brave or ready or capable. If you don’t feel capable, don’t. But you are, nevertheless. You can, and I know it. You’re not alone. You’re not over. If you’re hurt and can’t stand up, don’t. But know that those knees will recover, and you’ll come back up on your feet. You can; maybe not right now, but you can.

I’m not religious, nor do I have a place for a candle. But I have this little figurine in which I sometimes put incense on for some sort of “prayer”. Know that I’ll lit one for you each certain days, and I’ll lit one for your friend. It’s unfair and terrible that someone is taken from this life when it is yet not their natural turn. Even more unfair that it’s someone so kindhearted and good-spirited. I won’t tell you it was meant to be. Maybe it was not. But it happened; and the only thing I can do now is lit that incense, and metaphorically hope for the smoke to help the stardust that composes your friend find an easy way back to the cosmos, and perhaps a beautiful way back when they’re ready. I don’t know where people go after this life, if there’s anywhere to go, but I do believe in the stardust that composes us, and I will be hoping for it to find peace and, maybe one day, be brought back together into another beautiful, beautiful creation.

Once more, I’m profoundly sorry that this had to happen. I’m writing this with a knot in my throat and tears in my eyes by this point, and I’m not sure I can understand why. I just...feel it. I guess I just really try to be with you as best as I can, and the closer I am, even if just in spirit, the more I can feel your pain, so it’s only natural it pains me too. Such a terrible event. The only kind of even tthat I really, really wish had never happened. That beautiful life... It’s so terrible this happened, Peridot, and I’m so sorry.

I don’t know what else I can tell you. What happened is the sie of a mountain, yet no matter what I say, it always feels shadowed by the size of said mountain. And it’s only natural, I guess. It’s a huge, shocking, and horrible event, after all. We can’t help but be shadowed by the mountain, and that’s okay. It’s understandable. 

Could I, would I hug you, if you let me, if you need it, if you accept it, dear friend. 

I’m so sorry, for everything that’s happened and that you’re going through.

Know you’re not alone. Take the time you need. Feel what you must. Do as you need. Know you’re in my daily thoughts, and in my incense. Mostly in my daily thoughts. Know that I’m not going anywhere. That you have my full support. That I’m here for you if you need it. Know that you can. That I’m sorry. 

However long it takes for you to drop by again, I’ll be here, Peridot. Waiting, and daily thinking about you, wheter you write to me or not.Keeping you in thoughts, sending the best vibes I have, asking mommy moon to send her softest yet most powerful magic your way. Asking mommy moon to look after you, and be the hand on your hair at night when you feel terrible. 

I don’t want to finish this response “letter” post. It feels like leaving you. But know that I’m not; I’m here if you need anything. 

You’ll pull through this, dear Peridot. This raccoonie is going to support you even if from afar. The good thoughts you’ve sent to me all this year, they shall go back to you. I hope you get to heal very good, however long it may take. I’m wishing for you a good and maybe quick recovery of the heart. May you cry what you need, and may you rise back from the ashes as you’ve always done, whether it’s fast or slow. 

Wishing you the best, and sending you good thoughts for you to have a good recovery of the heart, this raccoonie hugs you, even if just virtually. Lots of love to you, Peridot. You can.

[thatgirlunderarock]

Secret Santa present for Guardian of the Singed Cinnamon Rolls

Merry Christmas @angel-in-a-big-blue-box! I was your secret Santa for the month! I know you said Marian was your favorite character so I hope this play on a Greek mythology AU is to your liking!

Hope you have a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It had been many long years since  Marian, Artemis if you want to listen to the Greeks, had seen her dearest friend Robin. Known as Orion by the common folk, Robin was loved by all for his hunting skills were beyond mortal measure and his kindness. The two had become grown close, for they did their best to provide what they could to the commoners, never letting poor go without food or comfort. Marian continued to do this, even long after Robin left to seek glory on a quest of his own. It was not unheard of however for Marian to disappear into the woods with her huntresses. Often, after long successful hunts, she and her hunters would return the village, gifting the people with the fruits of their labor. After Robin left, the hunters’ visits became more of a necessity than out of generosity. For the people had little means for themselves. With Marian’s visits to the mortals becoming more and more frequent, it came as no surprise that she caught the eye of Guy Gisborne, or Actaeon as he later came to be known.

The sun reigned down across the forest, the only cool spaces being those spots shaded by the thick branches of trees. Marian and her huntresses were coming back from an exceptionally long hunt, bringing in two bucks and many rabbits to deliver to the people of the village. Despite always looking forward to visiting the people, Marian decided to take some time for herself, and take a swim in the at the center of the forest.

“Are you sure? Maybe at least one of us should stand guard,” Djaq the most loyal of Marian’s huntresses suggested.

“I will be fine. Now if you don’t hurry the people will not have meat for the week,” Marian said.

Truth be told, Marian was tired and just wanted to rest on her own for a while. Just some time to reflect on what she and her hunters were doing. Before Isabella or Kate could protest along with Djaq, Marian waved them off and urged them to go on with out her. Her muscles were sore, and if she were honest with herself her heart wasn’t in that last hunt. She loved her hunters and enjoyed their company, but she missed hunting with Robin and spending time with him.

She took a deep breath as she approached the lake and searched the area. Once she felt it was secure she discarded her travel clothes and dove into the lake. For a while it seemed as if the water would wash her troubles away. Even if water was not exactly her element, Marian always felt the most relaxed while taking a swim. She could clear her head, scrub away her worries, if only for a little while. She dove under the surface of the water and shook out her hair once she resurfaced. Marian closed her eyes and laid back in the water knowing that her hunters would be back soon. Still something did not sit right with her and no matter how hard she tried to relax her stomach churned.

She heard a rustling from the bushes and turned as a man came stumbling out, followed quickly by her hunters. Marian hid her body under the water and glared in surprise and shock at the dark haired man scrambling to his feet. “What is this?” She demanded, not leaving the water still.

“He was spying on you, Marian!”  Kate exclaimed, already drawing her sword ready to attack the man.

Meg put a hand on the woman’s shoulder, “We don’t know that yet, maybe we should let him try to explain himself.“

“We know how his kind are, don’t listen to him!” Isabella said her bow and arrow drawn and aimed at the man.

“Enough!” Marian said wrapping herself in a blanket Djaq brought for her. She then turned her attention to the man as he watched wide eyed and fearful, “What is your name?”

“Sir Guy Gisborne…” He answered, his blue eyes searching her face for the slightest bit of mercy. He found himself backed up against a tree, his hand gripping the hilt of his sword in fear. “I- I did not mean to stare-“

Marian studied him listening for sincerity in his voice. “What is your purpose for being here then? Why did you watch me for so long?” Her brows furrowed over her eyes knowing that she would not tolerate his actions, but she also wanted to be fair and allow Guy to explain himself.

He held his breath for a moment, still in awe of the goddess and her hunters. “I-“ He cast a long look at Isabella as she gripped her knife a little tighter, and then looked back at Marian. “My Lady I did not mean to offend you. I only wished for the opportunity to hunt with you…”

Marian kept her expression blank as she thought. “If that was all you wanted, why did my hunters catch you hiding in the bushes watching me? You had plenty of time to make yourself known.” Marian, like her hunters, thought that he was spying on her for other, more lustful reasons.

Djaq nodded in agreement, “You did not look away from her, and still do not. Why should we believe what you say?”

“Forgive me-“

“No we can’t!” Kate spat, “He does not respect you Marian, let us get rid of him.”

“I meant you no disrespect. I forget myself, please-“

Marian shook her head at Kate. She would not have person die, that was not her place to decide. Her passions were in providing for the less fortunate of the nearby villages, not passing judgment onto others. “I nor my hunters will harm you,” Marian said and watched as Guy let out a breath of relief. “However, we cannot let you hunt with us. You must leave the forest and vow to never return.”

Guy stared at her dumbfounded, “Why I-“

“I understand what your intention was, but you did not honor me by continuing to stare. Please gather your things and leave,” Marian said. “Meg and Isabella will escort you out.”

Guy got to his feet and looked between the women before him, still frustrated that they would not listen to him.

“If you still find that you will come to our part of the forest, go to the people of your village instead and help them.” Marian gave him a final nod of dismissal and left for her campsite.

Meg and Isabella returned later that night, but still Marian was not her usual self. While the others sat around the fire discussing the day’s events Marian sat off to the side watching the moonlight reflect off the lake. The days would be growing colder, the nights longer, and Marian was starting to wonder if she could continue to help the people in poverty. She had her friends that were more than willing to help her, but still some days she felt it too much. The weight of their lives and her duties made her feel as if she would collapse.

The snap of a twig caught interrupted her thoughts. She turned to the sound bow and arrow raised at the intruder.

“Marian-“ the voice said, “Still as beautiful as always.”  A man stepped out from behind a tree with his hands in the air as if to surrender, but the cheeky grin on his face said otherwise.

“And still you’re lines do not work on me,” She replied with a small shake of her head and lowering her bow. “What are you doing back? Did you finally track a creature bigger than your opinion of yourself?” She teased.

Robin laughed at her quip before moving hold to her in his arms. “Not exactly,” he answered with a chuckle. “Rumor reached me that things haven’t been too good for the people here. I thought you might need some help.” He pulled away from hugging her a little, but kept his hands on her shoulders.

Marian shifted and looked back to the lake, “My hunters and I are doing what we can, but we can only do so much. There is more that we can do but-“ she sighed and the weight came back down on her shoulders. She let Robin pull her in for a hug again, allowing herself to close her eyes and enjoy his presence again.

“My men and I will do whatever you need us to,” he told her quietly. The two stayed silent for a moment, just watching as the moon rose higher into the sky. “I missed you, you know,” he started quietly.

“Then you shouldn’t have left to seek glory, or whatever else you thought you would find,” she answered, once again earning a quiet chuckle from Robin.

“I’ll take that to mean you missed me too.”

                 Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Marian’s hunters found themselves working more and more with Robin’s men to help the villages. Of course there was a bit of tension at first, especially when Allan continued to try to flirt with Djaq and Kate, but after threats of arrows in a few choice places and a push in the lake he learned his lesson.

               Despite being able to provide more for the villages, Marian was still not resting easy. Of course Robin was helping her, and her hunters were more enthusiastic than ever about their duties, they even started some friendly competition with Robin’s men, but still the weight would not leave Marian’s shoulders. At times she would feel so small, she was doing all she could for the people of Nottingham, but she could not stop thinking that she was neglecting others in different corners of the land. Robin attempted to help her with these thoughts, but deep down Marian was not sure that he was part of the solution. More and more she found herself thinking of a life with him, a life very different from what she had now. She felt distracted from her duties, as if she was not leading her hunters as she should, and tried to distance herself from Robin. That did not really work as she worked closely with him to decide which village they were visiting, and often hunted together, and found herself feeling more drained at the end of the day. On top of that, she had begun to notice one of hunters was disappearing more often.

               The first time Marian had noticed Meg was gone was during a dinner they all were sharing with Robin and his men. When she asked her about it, Meg simply said she had not been feeling too well and had gone for a walk. After that Marian noticed Meg would not return from the villages with the rest of the group. The latter would make some excuse to stay behind or walk off by herself. The other hunters noticed too, and eventually Isabella took it upon herself to follow Meg and see where she really went.

               “She’s visiting a man!” Isabella told Marian as soon as she found out.

               Marian pursed her lips for a moment. Really all of them had been in the company of men for a few months now, it was nothing new. Of course as hunters, most people expected them to remain maidens for eternity, and that was what Marian assumed Isabella was getting at.

               “What do you mean?” Djaq asked, following Marian’s train of thought. “We’re around Robin’s men most days, but that doesn’t seem to bother you.”

               “Meg has been visiting Guy. That vile man we caught spying on Marian-“

               “I will talk to her,” Marian interrupted. She didn’t want all of her hunters to gang up on Meg. “The rest of you go back to camp. I will wait for her here.”

               Minutes turned into hours as Marian waited outside Locksley. The sun was sinking low into the evening sky when she finally ran into Meg.

“Oh Lady Marian!” she exclaimed as she nearly ran into her. “I didn’t see you there,” she said a small nervous smile on her face.

“I did not mean to frighten you. I only stayed behind because I noticed you have not been returning with the group. Is something wrong?”

Meg shifted her weight from foot to foot unsure of how to respond. “Nothing is wrong, my lady. I’ve just- I was visiting with someone. Sir Guy, actually.”

Marian nodded slowly urging her to continue.

“Several months ago, I found him in the forest again. I told him to leave, but he said he only wanted your help for the people. I went with him instead and have been helping since. That was why more of the people had their own meat and skins to trade today. Guy and I have been teaching them.”

A smile came to Marian, “I’m glad, Meg. I wish you had told me though. It would have saved some suspicion from arising with the others.”

Meg shifted her weight again, “Well… Marian there is one more thing…I- I think I love him.”

Marian blinked rapidly, “What, but-“

“I love him, and I know what that means, but if I can spend my life with him and help the village, then I do not think mortality will be so bad,” Meg said with a smile.

Marian pulled her in for a hug, “If that is your choice, I will not keep you from it. I wish you every happiness Meg.” Marian watched as Meg smiled and returned into the village, before returning to camp, her heart feeling a little lighter than it had in a while.

The other hunters of course had questions and concerns, Kate even suggesting that Guy had her under some kind of spell and needed to be rescued. “We will not interfere with Meg’s life. Should she ask for help, we will be there for her. She is free to make her own choice, as are all of you. I hope you will be happy for her.” With that Marian  went to sit by the lake and waiting to see the moon climb over the trees.

Djaq had followed after her and sat with her. “Do you really mean that? That you are happy for her,” she asked.

Marian nodded, “I am. If a life with him makes her happy, then I will not keep her from that.”

“And this life we have here? Does that make you happy?”

Marian sighed, “Its more complicated than that.”

“How so?”

“I have a job here, to help people here-“

“But you want to do more, in more places,”

“Yes but-“

“You want Robin to be with you too.”

“Yes but-“

“Then what are you waiting for? You both have eternity before you.”

Marian looked out over the water again, the light of the full moon dancing lightly on the lake’s surface.

“Now is your chance to talk to him,” Djaq pointed out as Robin approached the lake and then dived in.

“Will you tell the others?”

“Only if you want me to.”

With a smile, Marian slung her bow over her body and dove after him into the water. There was a small island at the center and though she felt weighed down by her clothes and some of her hunting weapons, she swam on. She found Robin laying on shore, looking up at the sky. “Marian? What are you do-?”

“I wanted to come see you. I just miss how we used to be sometimes,” she said sitting next to him on the rocky shore.

“Yeah those were good days,” he agreed.

“Can you tell me about your adventures?” she asked quietly. Robin looked at her, sat up and nodded.

“I could tell you, but what if instead, you went on some with me?” He asked taking his hand in hers.

“I’d love that, Robin.” She answered, and stayed with him under moonlight.