#i miss her more than i’ve ever admitted out loud

[understance]

maybe if i had done things differently? or maybe if i were just different altogether

[lurochar]

Racy Reverie

In response to this ask

18+ MDNI

-------

“Finally, you don't know how much I need this!”

You smiled at Angel Dust, who collapsed on the opposite side of the couch from you. “I don't mind talking about your job if you need to, Angel.”

“You sure ‘bout that, Toots?” Angel Dust snickered at you, but then sighed almost wearily. “Not sure why you're the only one willing ta listen to me after a hard day, ya know? I mean, everyone in this hotel is a secret freak, right?”

You blinked.

“Little Miss Sunshine and Vagina – you've heard them go at it when they forget to put up their soundproof barrier, huh? Like damn, wonder who's using the strap there?”

That was true, they were quite loud when they failed to remember that important little detail.

“And c’mon, ya think that pussycat wasn't drowning in pussy himself back when he was an Overlord? Or maybe he likes cock better? I can’t tell with that guy. He’s got a good poker face, I can tell you that much.”

Honestly, you had no idea either which gender Husk preferred – he would probably choose a bottle of booze rather than a warm body if you had to guess.

“And Snakes? He has two dicks. Nuff said about that. And he calls me the whorebug?” Angel Dust scoffed. “And Niffty? Uhh, yeah, let’s… let’s just not get into her little mind of horrors.”

Well said.

“And so,” Angel Dust glanced up, a frisky smile suddenly gracing his face, “that just leaves you and Smiles. Spill, Toots. No need to be shy ‘round me. Don’t hold anything back. Everyone here knows you’re both a ‘thing’. Mr. Tall, Dark, and Creepy is into some fucking weird shit, isn’t he?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “Alastor… isn’t–” You struggled to put it into exact words. “He doesn’t, well…” You scratched the side of your head in frustration.

“Ah, is he pulling the whole ‘proper gentleman’ bullshit? Doing the courting thing?” Angel Dust shrugged. “I remember you mentioning he died in the ‘30s or something? Does he really believe in the ‘no sex before marriage’ crap? Cuz let me tell ya, I died not that long after that, people weren’t as proper as you’d like to think they were back then.”

You glanced away. “Maybe… that’s a part of it.” You knew Alastor had little interest in the more intimate aspects of a relationship and he had admitted to you he had never done anything with anyone in either his mortal life and afterlife.

Of course you desired to touch him and for him to touch you beyond his own little affections – usually him placing his hand on the small of your back and perhaps a kiss on your forehead.

Alastor was not an affectionate man and you knew that going in and you respected that, but he had never outright told you it would never happen and so you could only hope it may happen one day.

“But this is about you! I said I would listen, you had a tough day, right?” You said quickly, earning a sympathetic look from Angel Dust, but he got the message to change the subject back to himself.

“Bleh, yeah, you got that right! Val’s into this thing called ‘bukkake’ right now, ever heard of that?” He earned a shake of your head. “It’s some Asian shit. It’s where multiple guys cum on you. So I’ve got like twenty Hellhounds cumming on my face – and fuck, dunno if you watch porn or not, but the loads some of those dogs are packing! Felt like I was fuckin’ drowning–”

Your face felt hot and Angel Dust’s voice felt distant as you unconsciously squeezed your thighs together. You weren’t a virgin, but you weren’t exactly swimming in experience either as you only had a few sexual encounters in life and none had involved… that.

What would it be like, Alastor cumming on your face?

Would you be on your knees in front of him? On a bed beneath him? Would he stroke himself to completion or would you use your mouth? Would he call you endearing pet names or be degrading towards you?

Oh fuck– 

“Hey, Toots! Still there?” Angel Dust broke you out of your fantasizing and you jumped, blinking and feeling your face burn with sheer embarrassment. “Shit, was that too much?”

“No, no!” You tried to wave it off like you weren’t affected. “I-it’s fine! You can continue!” You swallowed thickly.

“Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it. I think I got what I needed off my chest. Thanks for listening to me, Toots.” Angel Dust stood up from the couch. “Wanna get a drink with me?”

You could definitely use a drink right about now. “Yes. Yes, I would.” You got up, heading over to the bar with Angel Dust.

Neither of you noticed the shadow listening in.

[azzibuckets]

this isn’t the end or anything [pazzi]

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

summary: paige and azzi are just dumb high school kids who don’t know what to do with this new feeling called love

a/n: i’ve missed writing angst 🙂‍↔️ i used prompts from this post

word count: 2.1k

masterlist

“You love me.”

Azzi stills from packing Paige’s duffel bag. Her best friend’s words seem to paralyze every bone in her body - except for her fingers, which are now trembling.

“You love me.”

Azzi forces herself to resume her actions. To finish folding the bright EYBL tie dye sweater and stuff it into the corner of the bag, taking up the last remaining space. She forces herself to slowly zip up the duffel, to slow the racing of her heart and quiet the panic looming in her mind. Nonchalant. Unbothered. Calm.

Paige sits down next to her. She doesn’t make eye contact with Azzi - instead, Azzi follows her best friend’s gaze to her own knees. Azzi’s fingers are resting on her thighs, but they twitch with the yearning to fall back into the habit of absent mindedly tracing her scars. But she doesn’t. She wonders if Paige will lean over and do it for her. Or if, like so many times before, Paige will let her lips touch the lines embedded into her skin, reminding Azzi, without even having to say a word, of how strong she is. But she doesn’t.

“I heard what you told Taylor.”

Azzi stiffens. Her conversation with Taylor had been brief. But in those few minutes, she’d admitted so many things - things she hadn’t even been able to admit to herself up until that very moment.

“What did you hear?”

Paige looks up at Azzi now. Her eyes are a startling blue, but what’s more unsettling is the uncertainty swimming in her pupils. Azzi is used to every expression on Paige’s face. As Paige’s best friend, she’s supported her through sad times, when she’s upset after a bad game. Or whenever Paige is angry, annoyed from her family and desperately seeking solace in Azzi. Azzi is familiar with Paige’s expressions of hurt, and embarrasment, of jealousy, and of joy and of humor. But this apprehension, this doubt that’s clouding her face? This is Azzi’s first time, because Paige has always been poised, radiating confidence on the court while she leads her teammates and off the court with her bursting personality.

“I heard you say you liked me. More than a….” Paige trails off, and she shifts, and for a moment Azzi expects her to come closer, like she always does, for Paige’s hands to snake across her waist and eventually wander across less appropriate parts of her body. But Paige shifts away, creating distance between the two of them, and in that second Azzi finds it hard to breathe. “You should’ve told me.”

“Why would I have told you?” Azzi’s voice is hard, and she’s never spoken like this to Paige, but right now she needs to, she needs to keep her walls up, because she knows that this conversation isn’t going well, and that one of them, if not both, will leave feeling hurt.

“So I would’ve stopped.”

Azzi’s lungs are on fire.

“I wouldn’t have kept…” It’s like Paige refuses to address it, refuses to say out loud the things that they’ve done. Like it’s a sin.

“Kept doing what?” Azzi says defiantly, her voice rising. “Kissing me?” She hates the way Paige winces. “Touching me?” Paige looks away. “Fucking me?”

“Stop,” Paige says weakly.

“I know you like me too.” Azzi’s voice is quiet now, and she waits for a reaction.

“I don’t.” Paige’s voice is unconvincing, and Azzi sees right through Paige. She’s memorized her tells long ago. The way Paige has trouble maintaining eye contact with the person she’s lying to, so her eyes will momentarily flicker somewhere else. The way her lips will go taut as she tries to keep a stony face. These changes are minuscule, easy to miss to everyone else, but for Azzi nothing on Paige’s beautiful face ever been easy to miss.

“It would just be too hard, wouldn’t it?” Azzi’s voice is even quieter now, and Paige has to strain her ears, because she refuses to get physically closer to Azzi, not when it’s like this. “My brothers are yours. We’re going to be teammates. And we’re best friends.”

“Girls!” Katie’s voice pierces the agonizing silence between the two of them. “We’ve gotta go.”

Ever since Azzi tore her ACL, Paige has carried Azzi’s luggage for her. Even when Azzi started healing and stopped using crutches, Paige insisted. This time is no different….or so it seems until she reaches for Azzi’s bag but her hand gets slapped away.

Paige purses her lips. “Azzi. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”

“I’ve been doing rehab for months. I’m fine.” Azzi grabs her own duffel and takes an unsteady step.

Paige reaches for the bag again when Azzi wavers, but Azzi dodges her grasp. “Oh my god, Az, stop being difficult and just let me help you.”

“I don’t need you.” Azzi didn’t mean to snap, for her voice to come out like that. But it does, and hurt flashes in Paige’s eyes.

Azzi limps all the way down the stairs and into the garage. She’s sweating by the time she reaches the car, heaving her duffel into the trunk and taking a moment to catch her breath as she leans against the cool metal. She ignores Paige’s stare when she slowly climbs into the back seat.

“Where’s your compression wrap?” Paige questions.

Azzi closes her eyes. “I got the elastic bandages.”

“But your compression wrap is way more comfortable.”

Azzi rubs her knee. “I couldn’t find it.”

Paige looks at her for a second before opening the door. Heading for the house, she jogs past Tim and Katie as they shut the trunk. “Hey, where you going?” Tim calls. “We’re really on a time crunch.”

“Just one second!”

Paige shows up five minutes later, gasping for air as she folds herself inside the car again and shuts the door.

“Come on, Paige,” Katie chastises. “You should’ve been ready to go when we told you.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Paige says apologetically.

The car starts moving, and Tim and Katie fall into a murmured conversation. Azzi allows herself to glance over at Paige, who gives her a small, unsure smile before nodding at her lap. Azzi looks down, and there it is. Her black compression wrap, looking a little bit worse for wear, but it’s there.

“Thanks.” Azzi takes the wrap and doesn’t say anything else, but they fall into an unspoken peace treaty, an agreement to ignore the words said before and just be. And later, when Paige is shifting around, trying to find a comfortable spot leaning against the window so that her neck will stop aching, Azzi, with her face still buried in her pillow, taps her foot against Paige’s. Paige breathes out a silent sigh of relief, letting her head fall into Azzi’s lap. They’re okay, she thinks before falling into sleep.

••••••••••••••••••••

“I saw you kissing him.”

“So?” Azzi crosses her arms. She knows that if she doesn’t, her hands will automatically reach for Paige, and she can’t have that. So she makes sure they stay tucked.

“You were literally just kissing me last night.” Paige’s eyes flash. “You can’t go around kissing two people at once.”

“Why does it even matter to you?” Azzi scoffs. “You said you don’t like me. You have no say in who I involve myself with.”

Paige knows Azzi is right. That she can’t have her cake and eat it. But she can’t ignore the nasty feeling that crawled into her stomach when she saw that guy press his lips against Azzi’s, holding her waist too tightly, pressing his body roughly against her, totally incompatible with Azzi’s gentleness.

“This is so fucked up.” Paige stands up, and she starts pacing. “Everything between us was fine until you decided to bring feelings into it.”

“Do you know how unfair you’re being?” Azzi pushes Paige, hard enough to send her stumbling back a little bit. “I’m sorry I fell in love with you, okay? But it happened and I can’t do shit about it.”

“You…what?”

Azzi realizes too late what she’s done. And Azzi is not a crier by any means, but suddenly she finds tears flowing down her face, her cheeks wet with exhaustion and sadness and longing. She wipes angrily at her tears, cursing herself for showing too much emotion.

“Azzi, what?” Paige repeats, stepping closer to the younger girl.

“Didn’t you know?” Azzi spat, clearly referencing their conversation from the week before.

“I-,” Paige’s mind is running at a million miles per hour. “I know you love me. But you’re in love with me?”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you kiss someone until they can’t breathe and hold them to sleep every night,” Azzi says, sarcasm dripping from her words. “You know, if I could, I’d lose feelings for you. But it’s not that easy. It’s not that easy to just let go of someone you’ve held onto for so fucking long.”

Paige Bueckers knows a lot of things. She knows how to cut through three defenders to score a layup. She knows how to create space for a shooting opportunity when coming off screens and handoffs. She knows how to facilitate, to create opportunities for her teammates to excel. She’s a genius in basketball, a generational talent like no other.

But with this? Paige is utterly clueless. She wishes she was on the court. She knows how to think when the ball in her hand and her sneakers are squeaking against the floor. But this is so far from the world of basketball.

“We can’t.” Paige knows it’s a bad response, even before Azzi’s eyebrows furrow and the corner of her pretty mouth dips. “It’ll make everything…” Paige searches for the word. “Weird?”

Azzi sniffs.

“Come on, Az.” Paige’s voice is gentle. “We both know how relationships work. Couples always break up, especially when they’re as young as us. I don’t want that to happen to us.”

“So you don’t trust in me at all? In us?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’d rather keep things as is instead of complicating everything. If we date and things go wrong, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.” Paige can’t imagine a world without Azzi. Their nightly Facetimes, their hours of texting, their future at UConn - she needs all of it like she needs oxygen to breathe, and she’d rather suffer seeing Azzi with someone else than risk the chance of that being gone.

“Maybe we should take some space.” Paige looks at her hands. “So we can have the time to figure out our own feelings.”

“Is that what you want?” No. Paige doesn’t want this. What Paige wants is to have the courage to take those three steps. To gather Azzi in her arms and get tangled in her limbs. Paige wants to make Azzi laugh again. To keep saying stupid jokes until Azzi’s dimple shows, until she rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Paige just wants to love Azzi. But she can’t. “Yes,” Paige answers, and when she closes her eyes a tear slips out. “That’s what I want.”

“Okay.” Azzi stands up with finality.

“This isn’t the end or anything,” Paige says desperately. “We can still talk and everything. But let’s just, um, hold off on all the other things.”

Azzi stiffens. “That’s the thing, Paige. I can’t be around you and not feel this way.”

Paige feels like the world is crashing down around her. She feels like she’s falling, falling, falling, with no one to save her. Her heart pounds in her chest, angry and scathing. “What do you mean?” she whispers, hoping Azzi won’t say what she thinks she’s about to say.

“I think we should stop seeing each other at all.” Azzi rubs her eyes. “Just until I can stop feeling this way.” Her hands fall to her chest. “It just hurts too fucking bad.”

“Okay,” Paige says, but nothing is okay. Nothing is okay because this is everything she was trying to prevent, but now she can’t stop it from happening and now her whole life is completely upside down. So Paige turns around, because she can’t stand to see Azzi leave. To see Azzi turn her back and just walk away. She hears Azzi’s steps as they grow closer, smells Azzi’s familiar lilac perfume when she leans down, feels Azzi’s hand on her shoulder, can even taste the memory of Azzi’s lips on her tongue. But then, all too quickly, her hand slips away, and her touch is gone, and so is Azzi, and the door shuts.

And finally, finally, Paige allows herself to cry.

[rosieswriting]

The Chemistry of Chaos

Barty Crouch Jr x reader

Summary: Amidst teasing and undeniable chemistry, a party celebration leads to unexpected encounters that blur the lines between annoyance and attraction

Note: engllish is not my first language so probably it has some mistakes!

Words: 1,5K

The library was more crowded than usual, with the exams being next week, and it seemed like students had only just now started to take their studying seriously. By students, of course, you meant you. You’d always managed top grades in every subject—except Potions. It was the bane of your academic existence. Thankfully, Remus, and Lily Evans, your ever-supportive best friends, were currently helping you with that very subject. 

“I just don’t understand why I need to know how to make it! It´s not like I need it to know who I fancy!” you groaned in frustration, having recited the steps to make Amortentia about a dozen times but always forgetting one.

Remus and Lily chuckled softly.

“C´mon, you are almost there” Lily encouraged you. So once again, you started to say the steps. But before you could finish, Barty Crouch Jr, Evan Rosier and Regulus Black entered the library.

You immediately recognised Barty´s voice and rolled your eyes. “Just a second” you excused yourself from your friends before standing up from the table with a book in hand and going to the slytherins.

“Junior” you called out shortly.

Barty turned around, a cocky smirk already spreading across his face. “Treasure” he greeted smoothly. “Missed me already?”

 “You wish” you scoffed and hand him the book “next time don’t be too stuck up in your ass and actually pay attention to where you leave your things”

The boy just kept smirking as he grabbed his herbology book that he had given up for lost.

“Why would I do that when I have such a pretty girl that can return it to me?”

“If you call me pretty girl again i´ll hex you” 

As you turned to walk back, you heard his voice, teasing and smug as ever. “Looking forward to it!” Though you didn’t turn around, you could practically feel the grin plastered on his face, and it took every ounce of restraint not to give him that hex he so richly deserved.

As soon as you sat down, you caught the amused looks on both Remus and Lily´s faces. “What?” you asked them confused and with furrowed eyebrows.

Remus raised an eyebrow, his expression half-amused, half-intrigued. “So…Junior huh?”

Lily smiled, leaning in slightly. “You practically ran over there to give him his book, Treasure”

You shoot her a glance at the nickname. "I did not ‘run.’ He just left it behind and—"

"And you, being the kind, considerate person you are, couldn’t wait to get it back to him, right?" Remus finished, exchanging a glance with Lily. “You’ve been talking to him a lot lately, haven’t you?"

"Not by choice," you insisted, crossing your arms. "He’s always around, and it’s not like I can just ignore him when he’s that loud."

Lily tilted her head, eyes glinting with mischief. "And what was that? ‘Pretty girl’? Seems like he’s got a little nickname for you."

You shrugged,. "He calls everyone names. It’s not a big deal”

"Uh-huh," Remus said, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

Lily giggled, nudging your arm. "Admit it, you think he’s cute”

Was Barty Crouch Jr. an idiot? Absolutely. 

Was he the cockiest person you had ever met? Without question. 

Was he the most insufferable student in Hogwarts? Definitely.

 Was he also the hottest student in Hogwarts? Yes, but you would never say that out aloud.

"I do not," you huffed. You focused on the Potions notes in front of you, determined to shift the conversation away from Barty and his stupid, handsome face. "Besides, I’ve got better things to worry about."

Remus raised his hands in mock surrender, grinning. "Alright, alright. We’ll let it go. For now."

But you knew they weren’t convinced. They could see through you, even if you wouldn’t admit it to yourself. You were stubborn, yes, but not blind. 

Two nights later, exams were finally over, and the Ravenclaws had organized a party in their common room. The air was buzzing with excitement as students from all houses snuck in, celebrating the relief of another term well done. You made your way inside with Lily and Mary and went directly to greet your other friends.

"Looking good," Remus greeted you, handing over a Butterbeer with an approving look. He raised an eyebrow. "Too good, actually. You didn’t dress up for someone, did you?" he teased.

“Oh god” you groaned, rolling your eyes as you took a sip

But Lily quickly jumped in, recounting the story of your recent run-in with Barty, complete with dramatic embellishments.

“Barty Crouch Junior? Of all people?” James asked you with raised eyebrows

“Remus and Lily are dramatic, nothing is going to happen” you shrugged, trying to brush it off.

“Well, you may want to tell him that, sweetheart” Sirius told you, throwing an arm around your shoulders and gently steering you to face the other side of the room.

Barty was leaning against the wall, talking to his friends, but his eyes were locked on you. When you caught his gaze, he gave a slow wink, his lips curving into that annoyingly smug smirk. You rolled your eyes, turning back to your friends.

“Alright, can we drop this now?” you said, taking another swig of your Butterbeer. “Let’s all just enjoy a perfectly nice and irresponsibly drunk party, yeah?”

Your friends laughed, dropping the topic for now, and soon you found yourself in the middle of the dance floor, laughing and spinning with Lily and Mary. After a while, your drink ran out, so you left your friends to grab a refill.

But to your luck, Barty was also getting another drink over the table

“Didn’t know you could clean up this well, Treasure” he drawled, his eyes roaming over you “You sure seem nice when you are not being a smartass” he said looking at you with a devilish grin.

“I wish I could say the same to you, but you look as hideous as always” you said walking pass him and over the table to grab another beer.

You felt his presence behind you and you froze for a second, his body really close to you

“We both know you don’t mean that” he whisper over your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

You froze for a second as his presence surrounded you, the warmth of him far too close for comfort. Turning to face him, you found him leaning into your space, his smirk deepening as he watched you, utterly unbothered by the fire in your gaze. You were trying to hold your ground, but your gaze flickered to his lips for the briefest second, which he noticed. His grin widened a glint of triumph in his eyes.

“See?” he murmured his voice barely above a whisper. “You find me irresistible”

You gave a short, exasperated laugh. “Junior,” you said, taking a breath, “the only thing I find irresistible is the urge to slap that grin off your face.”

“Oh really?” he said and without warning wrapped his arms around your waist. You gasped and quickly rested your hands on his chest, trying to separate your bodies at least a bit “Because it doesn’t seem like it, in fact you look like if you-“

You didn’t let him finish. Closing the distance, you pressed your lips to his, determined to silence him for once. You could feel his smirk even as he returned the kiss, his grip on your waist tightening, pulling you impossibly closer. Your hands slid to his shoulders and then tangled into his hair, deepening the kiss as he nipped at your bottom lip, making you gasp. He took advantage, his tongue teasing against yours, and despite yourself, you found yourself getting lost in the heat of it.

You don’t know how long you have been kissing until you both needed some oxygen and pulled away. His smug expression was maddeningly back in place

“Just wanted to shut up, so don’t let it go to your head” you said as you gave him a playfully pat on his cheek and walk away over to your friends, who had watched what happened.

“What was that about ‘nothing happening’?” Sirius teased, unable to contain a snicker.

You rolled your eyes and grab his beer, having completely forgotten to grab your own thanks to the distraction.

You rolled your eyes. “He wouldn’t shut up,” you mumbled, taking a long sip to hide the flush creeping up your cheeks.

Your friends exchanged knowing glances but decided to save their teasing—for now. But you had a feeling you’d be answering a lot of questions come morning. Still, as you turned one last time and caught Barty’s gaze from across the room, you saw him wink at you again, but this time, you didn’t roll your eyes. Instead, you felt the slightest blush bloom on your cheeks, along with a feeling you couldn’t quite name.

Damn you, Junior.

[37sommz-archive]

✼. MOTHER, MAY I | 2019.

CH. 06. NOW PLAYING: stfu! by rina sawayama [fluff, lil angsty]. ✼.⠀summary: michaela and lewis have a chat, 1.5k. ✼.⠀view:⠀masterlist⠀⸻⠀join the taglist⠀⸻⠀request.

✼.⠀NOVEMBER 02, 2019 — austin, usa

If the pounding in Michaela’s head told her anything, it was probably that Austin had been a dizzying show of form. Though she was slated to start sixth in Sunday’s race, Michaela found herself begging the racing gods for mercy. 

The Austin wind paired with the fantastic glimmer of shuttering cameras, had left her struggling to keep her happy smile plastered to her face. Those who noticed the absence of her familiar joyfulness were loud about their observations. She had been put on blast all weekend by reporters, drivers, and social media alike, her thrilling qualifying performance forgotten amidst the generous flow of speculation.

Dodging questions about her personal life—one of the more helpful recommendations Sebastian had gifted her during her time as a reserve—she quickly settled on repeating the same half-assed response every time, “I’m taking a page out of Kimi’s book.” They would laugh and move on, realizing they would be wasting precious airtime attempting to get much of anything out of the Australian driver.

The tiny bit of solace she finds against the wall her blonde waves rest against is stolen in a millisecond as she hears footsteps approaching her. They are gentle yet confident, the contrast perfectly matching the driver to whom they belong. Slowly releasing a sigh of mild grief before beginning to straighten her form, any conscious thoughts are pulled from her mind once she matches the footsteps to the driver. With his hair tucked underneath his Mercedes cap, braids carefully pulled into a signature ponytail, finding Lewis Hamilton smiling down at her practically shakes any aches from Michaela’s system.

“Easy,” he laughs, the sound as relaxed as it was worried. His eyebrows dip as he frowns at the state of the 19-year-old sat below him. Pulling a stray chair to sit beside her, he recovers his frown with a tight-lipped smile. Michaela pales in response as she suddenly finds herself shy of his attention. The two drivers had barely had any time to talk during the younger’s debut season. Though words of congratulations had been exchanged through press conferences, there had been little time for any personal chats. 

“Sorry, I’m a mess at the moment,” she rushes to explain her current condition. Waving a hand at the frantic cope, Lewis shifts his body to face Michaela head-on. 

“How has everything been for you? The team, the media, the fans?” His voice is a calming force settling over the air shared between them. It is then that Michaela takes notice, with self-admitted shock, of the clearness of his skin and the cleanliness of his parts. The famous stud adorning his left nostril seemed to catch the lights brilliantly in a way that only seemed to mock the headache they had given to her. 

Nodding slowly she responds with a practiced carefulness, “Not the easiest.” 

Lewis simply laughs at her answer. Throwing his head back as if she had told the grandest of jokes. His amusement is quickly explained with a loud, “Welcome to Formula One!” 

She chuckles at his reaction. Though it is measured and ends as soon as his does, her shoulders relax as the tension holding them up begins to ease. An air of calm falls between the two drivers as they settle into candid conversation.

“You’ve done pretty well though,” He hums as he nudges his chair ever so slightly closer to hers. Attempting to keep her cool, Michaela nearly misses the caveat of, “From what I’ve seen so far”, that he adds to the thought, a shrug added to emphasize his point of view. 

She sighs in response to the addition. The roll of her eyes, so natural with a practiced ease, draws another laugh out of Lewis. 

“I’m in an Alfa Romeo, it’d be pretty hard to make it worse than it already is.” 

The Mercedes driver moves a tattooed hand to cover his mouth in mild shock the Australian rookie could be so bold. His eyes widen with another bout of amusement, the deep chuckle he tries to suppress managing to escape against the brown of his skin. Her typically subdued nature in press conferences had surely misled him of her true personality. There in the seldom-used hallways she had managed to find in Austin, Lewis found a spark in her eyes typically hidden underneath the pink and white of her famous helmet. 

The older driver leans back to take a peak around the corner, muttering, “You never know who’s around these fuckin’ corners.” 

Clearing his throat, he moves to offer a bit of sympathy to the rookie. With eyes shifting again, this time to true poise, he levels his speech. “The first few seasons are always rough. But I think you’re one of the more capable drivers on the grid. No doubt you’ll be in a better car before long.” 

As Michaela flushes, shying away from the compliment, he attempts to wave off the show of humility. 

“I’m serious, anybody who says otherwise? Fuck ‘em.” His shoulders rise in a show of nonchalance. Hands gesturing outwards catch Michaela’s eye as they crinkle in amusement.

It is Michaela’s turn to laugh out loud. Though her amusement is more subdued to be shared between the two of them, the grace she extends to the great seated in front of her is tangible. Waves of gratitude roll off her being and surround the two of them in a blanket of understanding. 

“Can’t say that in these pressers yet,” She chuckles as her laughter subsides a few beats later. “They’d have me out on my arse by the morning.” 

Her eyes roll again, annoyance replacing the ocean of gratitude she had previously been submerged in. The shift catches Lewis’ attention as he leans back against his chair. His comfort is immediately obvious to the rookie whose cheeks redden to her embarrassment.

“Yeah, that clause in your contract? What’s that all about?” His eyebrows furrow as the slightest of wrinkles around the perimeter of his eyes crinkle just the same. His lips pull into a frown as he awaits Michaela’s response. 

“The shut up clause?” She huffs in reply. A graceful, manicured hand reaches up to massage at her temples. Her dark eyes close as she feels the weight of all the season’s pressure fall back onto her shoulders. 

“If that’s what we’re calling it.” Lewis hums. The concern remains on his face despite his gentle curiosity.

“It’s supposed to keep me ‘in line’.” Her fingers signal quotations around the phrase. “They could fine me for any statements they think unfairly scrutinize them or the FIA.” When Lewis cocks an eyebrow with a questioning tilt of his hair, Michaela offers a clarification: the ‘them’ in question being Alfa Romeo.

“Damn,” He mutters with a disapproving shake of his head. “Didn’t know they could even put that in a contract.” When Michaela doesn’t respond, her head finds its way back against the white linoleum-lined walls, and Lewis takes a breath. 

“Who negotiated that?” He inquires as his lips pull into a line.

An ironic chuckle escapes the younger driver who offers a simple response. “They wouldn’t sign me without it… had to… compromise.” The words are just barely strung together, loose and uncommitted as they hang in the air. 

“Shut up clause.” Lewis muses with a scoff. His tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip before he sits up in his chair. “How long’s the contract? Two years?” When Michaela only offers a nod in affirmation, Lewis’ arms cross as if communicating his disappointment through solidarity.

The silence continues to freeze the previous ease of conversation. As the rumble of the anxious press floods through the walls separating the two from the waiting craze outside of their presumed sanctuary, Lewis’ phone begins to ring. The contact name of his Press Officer appears in bolded white at the top of the screen. Both drivers release a sigh through their lips, moving to stand from their comfortable seats. Though Lewis’ fingers twitch in an effort to respond to the call, he takes a brief moment to encourage the rookie driver.

“Being the first is never easy. There’s people waiting to see you crash, literally.” The added warning draws a tight-lipped chuckle from the Australian. “Don’t give them the satisfaction of failure, yeah? Experience everything with a cool head, make them eat their words.” Michaela nods in understanding, eyes wide as she hangs on to every syllable of the British driver’s wise words.

With a final, “Keep pushing, kid. You’re the shit”, he departs from her side. His phone raises to his ear as he huffs out an excuse to the woman on the other end, a jog in his steps as he disappears down the hallway. Taking a deep breath, Michaela’s feet carry her to follow him.

✼.⠀taglist:⠀

@cha-hot @certifiedlesbianbaddie @nichmeddar

@d3kstar @thewannabewriter @hwalllllllelujah

@pacmacs-macs @thearchieves @doodlehunz

@lavisenri @evie-119 @bxdbxtxh

@seaweed-orchid @glitterquadricorn @99snse

@ginghampearlsnsweettea @alliwantisadonut @hiireadstuff

@emilyval1 @scarlettwidow3000 @anotherblackreader

@sv5beehives @mynameisangeloflife @tellybearryyyy

@melancholyy-hill @emmma323

[gaysindistress]

Hiya ❤️ would you maybe do buck imagine for my bday tomorrow for me? I'd really need some distraction atm. One where you have a crush on each other but of course don't talk about it. Then one night you enter the living room all dressed up for a date and buck is totally flashed by you, until you ask for his opinion for it. When he realizes this is for another guy he gets all bad mooded and leaves. Then instead of your date, you head to Buckys room and decide to finally make a move and kiss him and admit your feelings, which leads to also sleeping together and lots of cute Bucky afterwards? 🙊

Hi babes!!! Im so sorry I didn’t reply to this sooner. I wanted to wait until I finished the fic before I answered. I left it more suggestive but there’s plenty of cute Bucky!!

Warnings: cursing and suggestive content

“I told you to stay back! Do you ever listen?” Bucky sneers when he spots a furry of black rush past him into the open courtyard.

“Yeah just not to you. I’ve learned to tune out your voice,"I plainly state back, tucking myself behind a cement pillar after making a mad dash across the courtyard.

“Would it kill you to put your ego aside for one mission? For…” he’s interrupted by the rain of bullets coming his way and he drops down to the ground, “Sam do you copy?”

“Loud and clear,” he answers through their earpieces, “It looks like there’s about five guys shooting at you. Want Redwing to take them out?”

Bucky’s nose flares at the mention of the godforsaken machine but concedes, “Cover her and I’ll do it.”

“Excuse me? I don’t need anyone’s…” a shriek cuts me short and the sound of my own bullets confirms that I do, in fact, need help and Redwing is on it within seconds, taking out the offended men.

“What was that?” Bucky tries not to sound mocking but it’s just too good of a moment to miss.

“Shove it, Barnes. You’re the one who doesn’t immediately think of his bionic arm because he’s right handed.”

“Sam you told her about that? That’s it. Both of you are fired when we get back.”

We chuckle at his false threat and focus on the task at hand; getting inside of the looming concrete building, extract the intel, and get out in one piece.

“Sammmmmmmmmm…”

The man glances up from the book he is reading at the sound of his name being drawn out, “yesssssss y/nnnnnnn?”

“I need to talk to you,” I nervously whisper, twisting around to see if anyone is in the room. Slipping his bookmark into the book, Sam sets it down and sits back against the couch, gesturing for me to take a seat.

“I swear to god if this has to be with robo cop, your free therapy sessions will come to an end,” he teased me but comes off harsher than he intended and he cringes when my face falls.

“Oh it’s okay. I’m sorry to bother you,"I quickly try to recover the social blunder I’ve made but he grabs my wrist and tells me to sit my ass back down.

“You’re not bothering me and you know better than to take me seriously,” he gently chides me as he pulls me into his side, “what did he do now?”

Fingers twist in uncomfortable angles as I ring my hands together in my lap. Regret starts to fill me and pushes against me like the strong coastal winds, trying to shove me off of the couch and out of the room.

“Nothing. I just…I just hate it, ya know? I hate the whole shitty back and forth we have and how he’s always such an asshole but only to me. I hate that…” I trail off and lean my head on Sam’s shoulder, “I hate that I can’t just tell him how I feel. At this point just getting it off my chest is all I want; I don’t care if he feels the same. I wouldn’t even care if he rejected me, as long as I just didn’t have to live with this disgusting school girl crush.”

Sam chuckles, “have you tried talking to him?”

“We are talking about the same person here, right?”

Although I can’t see him, I can feel the eye roll and heat it in the sarcasm that drips from his voice.

“I will shove you off this couch, I’m trying to HELP you,” he jokingly pushes me away causing us to both laugh, “if you won’t talk to him, then why not move on?”

My laughter dies instantly.

Move on?

Move on?

Move fucking on?

“It’s not that simple,” I snipe at Sam and he hisses from the fake burn of my words.

“It was a suggestion. You don’t have to listen to it,” he says with mock defensiveness.

Another fit of laughter overcomes us and I fall into his lap, completely unaware of how this might look to others. That is until we hear a snort of disgust from the doorway.

The owner?

The one and only Bucky Barnes.

I scramble off of Sam and clear my throat, embarrassed that Bucky walked past.

“Come on, Sam. You can do better than her,” he says with a scowl before striding down the hallway again.

Sam’s jaw tenses and he’s muttering to himself as he stands, taking off after the super solider. He pauses at the door, “I’m sorry for him.”

“It’s fine,” I mumble but it’s not convincing enough.

“No it’s not and I’m going to kick his ass for it. And for the record I think you should at least try and date other people.”

I give him a small smile as he turns and takes off after Bucky, shouting the whole way that he better be ready to get his ass whopped.

Try and date other people.

Try and date other people.

Try and date other people.

It feels deeply wrong to even think about dating other people but Bucky clearly isn’t in a place to even hear my feelings for him.

I pull my phone out and open the most god forsaken app to ever exist; Tinder.

The profile that Yelena and Natasha helped me make has several matches and unread messages but I haven’t had the heart to respond or even open them. Scrolling aimlessly, I pick someone random and message him back.

I have to at least try no matter how loud my heart is screaming at me.

Nelly Furtado and Megan Thee Stallion have been on repeat for the last three maybe four hours. I’m sure everyone is annoyed and would be banging on my door, shouting at me to turn it off if Sam hadn’t told literally every single person in the tower that I had a date. Tony clapped me on the shoulder, congratulating me for getting out there while Yelena and Natasha demanded to know every detail about this mystery man. I promised Sam that I wouldn’t forget this and he better be ready to lose next time we spar during training. His usual smile dropped as the fear of god struck him. Well the fear of ME struck him.

Smoothing my dress down, I cock my head at my reflection in the mirror. I have to admit that I look stunning in the simple fitted dress that Natasha practically ordered I wear. It’s a tie dye pattern of cream and red with thin straps and a scoop neckline that shows off the star pendant necklace that Tony and Pepper gave me when I first moved in. A “welcome to the tower and good luck” gift as he put it with a teasing smile. Simple hoops line my ears and two matching bracelets adore my wrists however the simplicity of my outfit feels over the top. I’d changed my shoes about 40 times and settled on a pair of tan platform sandals but something is nagging at me to change again.

I check the time and curse under my breath when I see that I need to leave in 5 minutes, which certainly isn’t enough time to change everything. The thought of canceling occurs to me but I know I’ll never hear the end of it.

Checking my reflection one last time, I grab my phone and shove it in my purse before leaving my room. Normally I’d be able to tell if someone was in the common living room but I’m too distracted by hyping myself up for this date to notice that there is someone sitting on the couch.

A certain asshole who never fails to piss me off but also makes me fall for him even more to be exact.

I come to a halt when I feel his presence and duck behind the wall, praying he didn’t see me. Peaking my head out, I’m relieved that he hasn’t and my heart clenches at the sight. Bucky looks so peaceful sitting on the couch dressed in a hoodie and joggers with a well loved book in his lap. Although his hood is pulled up, his ruffled hair peeks out, having grown longer and longer with each passing day. When I first met him, he was damn near bald with his short cropped hair but he’s let it grow long enough that he has to push it back every now and again. I jokingly offered him a hair tie during training one day after I saw how frustrated he was getting with it. He snatched it from me with a grumble and sported a unicorn hair for the remainder of training. Sometimes I think I see that black hair tie on his wrist but he’s all too eager to get away from me for me to properly look.

“I can feel you staring, pervert,” his voice cracks from not being used in hours and I flinch at the sudden noise.

“I’m not staring,” I weakly mumble and step back into the living room.

He hasn’t looked up from his book, still reading the pages as he speaks to me, “yes you were.”

I roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at him which of course, he somehow sees. It’s beyond me how he can literally sense everything except for my feelings towards him.

His piercing eyes flicker up at me for a brief moment and back to his book before doing a double take.

“Where are you going?”

His question catches me off guard and I scowl at him, “what are you? My dad?”

His jaw twitches but he says nothing.

Satisfied that I got the best of him, I push my luck and ask him, “how do I look? Would you want to go on a date with me?”

Apparently that’s a big fucking mistake because he’s up and storming out of the room like a fucking child without a single word.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble under my breath and go after him, “Barnes! I asked you a question, don’t you know it’s rude to storm off and not answer when someone asks you something?”

The behemoth of a man still says nothing as he continues to stomp down the hall.

“Bucky!” I shout at him and he stills right at his door. His left hand is gripping his door knob and I can hear it crumble under its strength. He doesn’t turn to look at me. No no he turns his head just enough to side eye me as he spits out, “fuck off, Y/N.”

The use of my first name takes me back. He never calls me y/n, not even when he’s furious with me for not falling orders. It’s always my last name, Agent, or some rude nickname and on very rare occasions when he’s flirting with me to be a dick, doll.

“Excuse me?” I scoff at him, crossing my arms over my chest.

“I said fuck off,” he grits out as he rips the door open and tries to slam it shut but my hand stops him.

“You don’t get to talk to me like that, no matter how much you hate me. What is your deal anyways? All I did was ask if you liked my outfit which shouldn’t matter to you anyways,” I tell him as I shove into his room. It’s his turn to be taken aback and he stumbles backwards when I push through.

“You’ve made it very clear that you despise me and I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why,” my pent up frustration and anger come spilling out as I continue to tell him off, “I was nothing but kind and friendly when I first got here but you? You were a dick from day one and only to me! You didn’t treat Yelena or even fucking Sharon that way. It was just me and it got worse! Oh my god it’s gotten so much worse and whether or not you want to believe it, I’m a person who has feelings! I can’t even begin to count how many times I’ve cried in the shower because of you. It got so bad that I would cry myself to sleep like a fucking idiot and someone had to sit with me until I fell asleep so I wouldn’t throw myself into a goddamn panic attack. Poor Sam almost moved in because he was the only one that could calm me down. Did you know that?”

He’s staring at me with wide eyes but not a single emotion crosses over them. It makes me unbelievably angry that my outburst doesn’t even phase him.

So I keep going, “and you want to know the worst part? The day I got here, Tony was showing me around and he brought me into the kitchen where everyone was eating. You were there, flirting with Sam just to piss him off but you looked so happy. You were laughing and smiling so much that Tony, fucking Tony made a comment about how that was the happiest he’d seen you in a while. You hadn’t seen us yet but when you did, you gave me that charming Brooklyn smile and it was all over for me. From that single smile, I knew I was screwed because I’d caught feelings for you. Not that it mattered though because within a matter of hours, you lost that smile and were so awful. I tried so hard to make you like me but nothing. If anything it made you hate me even more but no matter what, I’ve always had these…feelings for you that I don’t want anymore. I don’t want to look at you and feel my heart breaking because you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want to pick apart every person I talk to because they’re not you and I hate that they’re not. I don’t want to cry to Sam about how it feels like a piece of me is dying when I’m not around you but you want nothing to do with me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, Bucky. I can’t… I can’t feel like this.”

By the end of my confession, the tears I swore I would never shed again have fallen. They ruin the makeup I spent an hour putting on, pretending it was a date with Bucky because thinking about Miguel makes my skin crawl. I know I look like a mess but I don’t care. I’ve said my peace finally and while it’s embarrassing and I know I’ll regret it later, it’s done. Maybe now I can move on or at least find comfort in knowing that I won’t have to face Bucky again and live with these disgusting unrequited feelings.

He’s still said nothing, hasn’t moved or otherwise acknowledged that he’s heard me. He just stands there, staring at me with a clenched jaw and completely still. The only noises that fill his room are my sniffles and the subtle whirring of his arm as he clenches his hands into fists.

Of course he wouldn’t say anything. Why would he? It’s not surprising but hurtful regardless because I would’ve hoped he’d find a shred of kindness to show me under all of that hatred.

I shake my head as I turn to leave, unable to deal with him and with the fact that I’m now late for my date. My phone buzzes and I’m greeted with a rather rude message from Miguel about how unattractive it is that I’m late and didn’t even give him a heads up. It takes everything in me to not scream as loud as I can and throw my phone against the wall. Instead I settle for angrily shoving it back into my purse while more than a few foul words fall from my lips.

A cold metal hand clasps onto my wrist as I pull open the door and I look down at it in shock.

“I don’t know what to say,” Bucky whispers, his grip gentle but inescapable all the same. I want to tear myself away but he’s touching me. My heart begins to pound at the connection between us and I let out a shuttered breath.

“You can start by apologizing for how you talked to me,” I manage to say with a voice that is steadier than my breathing.

“I’m sorry, doll. Not just for that but for everything. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m sorry I made you cry and made you think I hated you. I’m sorry I ever treated you the way that I did. No one deserves that and especially not you,” he says in a low voice while slowly closing the distance between us. His hand slides up my arm until it rests on my bicep and he asks for me to come closer too with a soft squeeze.

“I know actions are louder than words and if you’ll let me, I will do anything you ask of me to make it up to you. All you have to do is ask, doll and I swear I’ll do it,” his voice cracks with emotions that I never thought he could feel. Tears brim his eyes as he looks at me with such hope that I feel my own threaten to start falling again.

“No,” it shocks me just as much as it shocks him. His hand loosens and falls to his side.

“No,” I breathe out, “I can’t…that’s….Bucky I just admitted that I’m in love with you and that’s all you have to say? I appreciate the effort but it’s not…no it’s not enough.”

“You’re in love with me?”

Disbelief laces his words and I let out a scoff because he can’t be fucking serious right now.

“Don’t… don’t make me say it,” I stammer over my words as my sobs get caught in my throat.

He blinks at me for a moment before repeating it more to himself than me, “you’re in love with me.”

I wait with bated breath as he processes the revelation. He takes a sudden step forward and I take one back out of habit. Pain explodes onto his face as he steps back again and I swear to god I’ve never felt my heart break as much as it is now.

“Don’t play with my emotions, Bucky,” I hiss, the words harsher than I intend

“Jesus fuck,” he mutters while running a hand through his hair, “do you really think I’d do something like that?”

An answer materializes on my tongue but I can’t say it and he learns it from the struggle in my eyes.

“Wow, I…I can’t believe that you think that low of me.”

“No, I don't because I think the world of you.”

He shakes his head, “don’t play with my emotions either, doll.”

“Considering that I don’t know what they are most of the time, I don’t think I could even if I tried.”

There’s a shift in the tension and I can’t place what. Bucky straightens his shoulders and looks at me with a new intensity. He attempts another step in my direction and when I don’t back away, he begins to prowl towards me.

“I’m not good with words.”

“Trust me I’m aware.”

“I haven’t been able to think about my own wants and needs until recently.”

He backs me into the door but stays a foot or so away from me.

“Where are you going with this?” My voice is whinier than I’d hoped and I pray to god he doesn’t notice.

But he does and the smile that hooked me in the first place overtakes his face.

“Anywhere you want me to, doll. If you want me to give you space, I’ll give it to you even though it’ll break me,” he whispers seriously, “If you want me to grovel until we’re both old and forget why, I’ll gladly get on my knees for you right now. If you want me to show you how I feel, all you have to do is say yes.”

Hesitation creeps up on me because I know what I want and what I want is not what I need.

“Yes.”

Bucky takes the final steps and pins me against the door, both arms caging me in so I have nowhere to go. My hands fly up to his shoulders as he leans in, not quite letting our lips touch.

“I’m in love with you too,” he whispers against my lips before his descends upon mine. I half expected him to devour me but it’s unhurried, slow and languid as our lips move in sync. I can feel his love in the way that his tongue slides against my bottom lip before slipping in. He’s gentle with me as his hands move to cradle my head and pull me impossibly closer. He's apologizing for the tears and angst I’ve felt as my phone rings and he silences it without breaking our kiss. He’s showing that he’ll spend as long as it takes to show his love for me as he urges me to wrap my legs around his waist and takes me to his bed.

My phone rings again and he lets out a frustrated growl as he breaks our kiss to answer it. He rolls his eyes at the name that flashes and presses the answer button with a little too much aggression.

“Hello?”

I can’t hear what Miguel says but Bucky’s replies are very clear.

“This is her boyfriend.”

“Since when? Since right fucking now.”

He hangs up and tosses my phone to the other side of his bed.

“Boyfriend, huh?” I tease however it falls short when he dips his head to my neck, licking and sucking at my skin.

“Have a problem with it, doll?”

“Not at all.”

[rafeskai]

Violets for Roses - Rafe Cameron

One-shot inspired by Lana Del Rey's "Violet for Roses"

Ever since I fell out of love with you, I fell back in love with me

And God knows the only mistake that a man can make is tryna make a woman change and trade her violets for roses

Summary: The reader, an aspiring actress, faces a heartbreaking confrontation with Rafe Cameron, who believes her dreams of moving to Los Angeles are unrealistic and wants her to stay in Kildare to build a simpler life with him. Despite her love for him, the reader realizes that sacrificing her ambitions for his vision would mean losing herself.

Pairings: Rafe Cameron x AspiringActress!Reader

Warnings: Angst & just Rafe being really toxic lol.

The fight with Rafe was brewing long before you even knew it. It was in every dismissive scoff when you mentioned auditions, in every time he’d change the subject whenever you’d dream out loud about Los Angeles. It was in every eye roll when you brought up your favorite actresses or directors, the people you’d studied obsessively since high school. And now, it’s spilling over—weeks, maybe even months of resentment unraveling in his bedroom.

“You’re really just gonna throw us away for some… fantasy?” Rafe’s voice is thick with frustration, every syllable weighted. “You’re not some actress, Y/N. You’re just… you. You’re never gonna be one of those people.”

The words sting like a slap. You’ve heard him doubt your dreams before, subtly, gently, but tonight it’s different. Tonight, he doesn’t hold back. “Why do you care so much about this? About some fake Hollywood life?”

You clench your fists, fighting to keep your voice steady. “It’s not fake, Rafe. This is real to me. It’s everything I’ve worked for, everything I want to be.”

“And that means more to you than us?” His question hangs heavy in the air, a trap you can see coming from miles away but can’t avoid. His blue eyes, usually so warm, are cold now, scrutinizing you.

The silence stretches, thick and suffocating. “I don’t want a simple life,” you finally admit, and it feels like exhaling after holding your breath too long. “I don’t want to stay in Kildare and pretend that’s enough for me when it’s not.”

“Why?” he says, his voice low, like he’s afraid of the answer.

“Because I can’t trade my dreams for yours.” The words spill out, your voice cracking under the weight of it all. “I love you, Rafe, but I also love myself. And that means going after this. I’m not going to stay just to keep you happy.”

Rafe’s face softens for a moment, vulnerability breaking through the anger, but it fades quickly, replaced by a steely resolve. “If you leave, don’t expect me to be waiting for you.”

A lump forms in your throat, and you know this is it. If you stay, it’ll be for him, not for you. If you go, it’s a leap into the unknown, one where Rafe might not be in the picture. “Then I guess this is goodbye.”

And with that, you turn and walk away, leaving behind the life he tried to shape for you, the one that never quite fit.

━

Two months later, you’re in Los Angeles, breathing in the open-air scent of Larchmont Village. The warm breeze sweeps across your skin, carrying with it the smell of flowers and freshly brewed coffee. The sun beats down, casting everything in a golden glow, and for the first time, you feel truly free.

It’s a Saturday afternoon, and the girls around you are dressed in sundresses, laughing without a care, exposing bare faces and wide smiles. You smile too, feeling that same joy seep into your bones, like the city itself is welcoming you home. This life, this city—it’s vibrant, messy, electric. It’s everything Kildare wasn’t, everything you were missing.

The Paramount sign sparkles in the distance, a beacon you once only saw in magazines and movie credits, and now, it feels like it’s lighting up just for you. Your heart swells as you look at it, thinking of all the dreams you had, the ones Rafe wanted you to set aside. This city, it doesn’t just allow you to dream; it demands it.

“Ever since I fell out of love with you, I fell back in love with me,” you whisper to yourself, feeling the words settle into your heart. Each syllable is a quiet reminder that loving yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. When you loved Rafe, you’d sacrificed so much of yourself, convincing yourself that his simple dreams were enough. But here, in the warmth of Los Angeles, you’re reclaiming everything you let slip away.

━

You’d never noticed it before, but Rafe’s love had come with conditions. He loved you, yes, but only the parts of you that fit into his life. He was drawn to your fire, but he wanted to tame it, to keep it small and safe so it wouldn’t consume him.

He made you trade your violets for roses, wanted you to choose tradition over the ambition that set your heart ablaze. When you’d talk about acting, he’d say, “That’s great, babe, but don’t you want something real?” As if your dreams weren’t valid, as if they were just fantasies, things to let go of for a white-picket fence, a life that fit his mold. The truck you dreamed of owning, the freedom you craved—he wanted to exchange it for horses and stables, for the steady routine of a life rooted in one place.

And for a while, you let him.

But now, each step you take in L.A. feels like reclaiming a part of yourself. Every coffee shop, every bookstore you stumble into, feels like a universe waiting for you to write your own story. Your days are filled with auditions, with scripts spread across your apartment floor, with nights spent memorizing lines and dreaming of roles you could bring to life.

It’s hard, and you’re not always sure you’ll make it, but it’s your life, and for the first time, it feels entirely yours.

One evening, as you walk down a quiet street, the air still and warm, you think of Rafe. You wonder if he’s missing you, if he’s trying to imagine you in this new world, a world that’s as foreign to him as the one he tried to push you into was to you.

You don’t miss him, though. You miss the girl you were before you let him dim your spark, the girl who once believed she could conquer Hollywood, whose dreams were as boundless as the California sky. And as you walk, the shadows stretch and the quiet settles, you realize that girl is back.

━

One morning, you stand outside a casting agency, the sun warming your face. You close your eyes, inhaling the scent of lilies mixed with the hint of exhaust and coffee from the nearby café. You feel the city’s pulse, its rhythm, and it beats in time with yours.

Rafe had never understood why you’d wanted this life, but that doesn’t matter anymore. The city, with its flashing lights and dusty sidewalks, with its blend of elegance and grit, it understands you. It’s a love that’s pure, that asks for nothing but your own ambition, and it’s a love that feels like freedom.

And so you walk into the building, your heart pounding with nerves and excitement, knowing this is only the beginning.

© 2024 rafeskai | All rights reserved. This fanfiction is a work of fiction inspired by characters from Outer Banks, and no part of it may be reproduced or distributed without permission.

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series is 18+ and will contain fluff, suggestion, SMUT (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, mental health struggles, eating disorder, self doubt, body image issues, daddy kink, angst, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 28 - In My Dreams | ‘Ours’

word count - 10.7 k

You were sitting at the kitchen table on your Mac starting to figure out some semblance of a plan for how Teddy’s schooling would work. Of course the club provided a lot of assistance with this because it was slightly an abnormal dynamic but also Trent and more specifically Dianne obviously knew the area and school system well. Regardless of all of this help… you did not. You didn’t go to school ever in the uk. You didn’t even study abroad in England because you already ‘knew it’ well because of your dad. Now you were regretting that and kicking yourself for believing that having an English passport meant you knew anything. Needless to say you found yourself in a wormhole of information about dos and don’t, public, private, religious affiliation, all sorts of things fueling your anxiety and worry about making sure you’re little girl got the best but most normal experience she could. You definitely had access to a lot more opportunities than most given your situation but the anxiety was still high. You were entranced in an article until a large ‘whap’ sound echoed scaring the shit out of you.

“Holy shit!” You exclaimed really not expecting the sudden loud noise. You laid your hand over your heart to make sure it was still beating normally. A pile of 10 glossy magazines slapped down on the table next to you. You looked up to see a cheeky grin plastered to Trent’s face.

“Heard there’s an absolute sort in this issue ya know.” He cooed with a slight giggle. You rolled your eyes at him and pulled the stack to you across the slick table top. “Go on. Open one! I’ve been waiting for you. I haven’t seen it officially yet!” He exclaimed. You grabbed one copy and flicked through the magazine to find your published article.

“See that is a fucking good looking lad.” Trent continued to laugh at himself pointing to one picture with him in it. You sighed, inspecting your own appearance ignoring his lighthearted joke. He wrapped his arms tight around your shoulder from behind your chair. “Baby, you look fucking unreal. Please. You’re so beautiful. This is so exciting. Come on.” He tried to get you to be happy about the feature but you just felt critical.

“I look okay? I’m scared to even turn the page to see the rest.” You mumbled out leaning your head back into Trent.

“Y/N… UN fucking believable. I want these framed in the house also. This is so cool, baby. Please just be excited, at least for me. I’m so proud of you, yeah?” He cooed smushing his cheek to yours. You knew if he was calling you your first name he was being serious.

“Okay. It is kind of cool.” You mumbled out hating you were admitting that Trent was right but he was. This was actually a dream of yours. You were in British GQ. You were in British GQ and not just some small blurb, this was a full article, multiple pages. Photos of you and your family blown up printed on glossy paper and typed quotes of yours.you smiled reading the headline Bentley Brown actually used a that you’d mentioned to Trent before.

‘From Manhattan to Merseyside.’

From a whirlwind romance struck on a Manhattan street corner Y/N Alexander-Arnold née Y/L/N and her husband, one of football’s brightest stars, England’s Trent Alexander-Arnold captivated both sides of the Atlantic when they first were spotted galavanting in Manchester late into the night. The couple tied the knot this past summer in an equally lavish as it was relaxed ceremony on Y/N’s home soil. Family and friends only… and us. Y/N Alexander-Arnold, the epitome of glamour and high society, seamlessly blended their luxurious lifestyles, trading the bustling streets of Manhattan to a sprawling estate in the English countryside. Their story, marked by years of quiet cuddles hidden in the stands of the worlds biggest stages, designer wardrobes, and high-profile circles, has become the talk of the town, showcasing a perfect fusion of American charm and British elegance. Curious who the woman is with the pearly white smile and model figure sporting the number 66 every match week, we were too.

“Damn fucking right it’s cool. Baby look. You look so sexy in this, you sound so intelligent, the whole thing. It’s massive and you deserve recognition like this.” Trent was your biggest cheerleader and it made your heart want to leap out of your chest. He was so sweet. He pulled one of the chairs out from your kitchen table and sat down, legs spread wide, relaxing back into it picking up a copy of the magazine. He opened it to the page where the article began. He picked his head up with a devastatingly handsome smirk and patted his thigh for you to come sit. You obliged by standing up and moving to him. You sat on his strong muscular thigh in Dior silk pants and a white bralette. Trent’s big warm hands quick to wrap around your small waist squeezing you. You leaned your head onto his shoulder. “You look so fucking good. Ooff baby, I’ll tell you what that Trent Alexander-Arnold’s lad, he’s pretty fucking lucky, huh?” He joked dragging his finger over your body’s frame in one of the photos. He kissed your head with a hum.

“Thank you for being there for me, T. Really. It means so much to me like I know I would never be in a magazine if it weren’t for you.” You began to talk with a bit of a frown reflecting on the circumstances at which this feature came. Yes, it was about you but it was because you were Trent’s wife. You were proud to be his wife but of course it wasn’t the first time you’d felt like this tinge of insignificance. The magazine feature should have been 100% a good, positive, exciting thing but instead it felt like there would always be this bit of you, this percentile you couldn’t quite ever dwindle down that felt lesser than him. You remembered the fight you had before you went to New York after the FA Cup.

‘It felt like you could never measure up to the golden boy that was in the room with you. No matter where you went or what you did he was always going to look sparkly and new, fantastical and interesting and you couldn’t feel more opposite. You had been stripped of a sense of individualisation and identity. You were Teddy’s mum and Trent’s fiance. Y/N didn’t matter, anyone could fill in the blank of your name. The icing on the cake was the image you were trying to uphold all the while.’

“You know what, beautiful? I really don’t believe that. You could be a fucking centerfold.” Trent cut you off with a sincere smile as he flipped to the next page seeing arguably your favorite photo from the entire shoot. It was Trent carrying you thrown over his shoulder, Teddy chasing after you two out in your back garden. You could practically hear her giggle through the page. The photographer really captured your family beautifully. Even in your moments of feeling most insecure there would always be that silver lining, the most shiny gorgeous silver lining that was Trent and the little girl you made together.

“T…” You whined quietly trying to let him know you were attempting to be serious. “I just… I appreciate what you’ve given to me and I don’t mean the tangible things. I mean I love them.” You paused to giggle because let’s be honest the house, the cars, the holidays, the clothes, the jewelry were lovely. You smiled playing with one of the gold clovers of your Van Cleef necklace. “I just mean for how you make me feel, what you’ve done for me. Not to like get serious on you but you know I still have a hard time sometimes but it’s always okay because I have you. I have you and you made it so for the first time in my life I know that even as dark as it gets you’re there and that’s all I need.” You sighed hiding your face in the nape of his neck feeling bad that you just unloaded on him.

“You have me in the darkest and brightest moments of your life baby. I’m here for it all. And the best part about that is we got our little bestie along for the ride now too. Call me biased but that, and I'm not exaggerating, that is the cutest most perfect little girl I’ve ever seen.” Trent smiled inspecting the photo of the three of you. Ironic considering Teddy was a copy paste of him but you did agree.

“I think you’re right. You know what? I think we don’t tell Ted about this and just let her flip through till she sees us.” You laughed, turning your gaze from the magazine pages to Trent who was mindless licking over his lips. You hummed appreciating the view.

“That’s jokes, baby. Yeah, what time is it? When we wake her up we’ll show her. I want to see her reaction so don’t do it without me.” Trent cooed cupping your cheek. He stroked his thumb over your cheek looking deep into your eyes. “‘I’m proud of you baby. I know this was new and difficult for you. I am so proud of you, don’t forget that, okay?” He gently spoke, keeping his eyes locked on yours.

“Thank you, baby. That means so much to me. So huh? You’re nice, you’re cute, you’re supportive, you’re sexy, arent you just perfect?” You teased kissing his forehead. He rolled his eyes.

“I am and so are you. Don’t forget that either.” He laughed squeezing your side.

“Look who's awake. My sleepy girl, want to go give daddy a cuddle?” You cooed to a very tired Teddy snuggling into you as you held her walking into the living room from upstairs after her nap. She pouted but you put her down anyway knowing that she would want a cuddle from Trent. She was just too tired to answer you.

“C’mere, baby bear.” Trent smiled big at her and grunted dramatically picking up her light weight body when she finally made it over to where he was sitting on the couch. “My beautiful girl.” Trent cooed, kissing her. You watched Teddy’s pink lips curl into an adorable smile. “Want to show me how smart you are? Can you tell me what this says.” Trent asked Teddy, flashing your eyes to you and pulling her further into his lap whilst he leaned forward to grab a copy of the issue of British GQ off the coffee table. On the cover off to the side there was the list of cover lines featured in the magazine, one of which read ‘Meet Mrs. Alexander-Arnold’ to lead into your interview. Trent traced his finger under the headline. Teddy couldn’t really read just yet. She could get words but it wasn’t like she was going to be reading the full article or anything but Trent knew she’d be able to read her surname.

“Alszander Arnal.” Teddy tried her best to pronounce your surname. To be fair, it was a little tricky and she was getting there. Honestly though, you liked the way she kind of stumbled her way through it. It was really really cute. As she said the double barreled last name aloud though she turned her head befuddled to Trent at why she was reading her surname for him and why it was on this magazine.

“Yeah, good girl! Alexander-Arnold. What do you think is in the magazine?” You applauded her effort and then asked her. She just furrowed her brow. Trent flicked through the magazine until he got near the feature and then made Teddy turn page by page. She got to the one before and Trent started to laugh preemptively.

“Mama!” Teddy screamed as she peeled the page back. There it was the first image of you covering an entire page. “Dada! Look is Mama!!! My mama!” She yelled with a massive smile on her face. Bewildered, surprised, and ecstatic.

“And who’s that? Is that my baby bear with daddy and mummy.” Trent turned the page for her once more and there was the photo of the three of you. She just squealed, picking the magazine up to have a closer look at herself chasing after you and Trent on the turf pitch with a football.

“Is that my pretty girl?” You cooed, coming to sit next to them. Trent pulled you by the waist of your trousers closer to him and Teddy.

“Das me, Mama!!! Teddy!” Teddy shrieked whilst trying to finagle her way out of Trent’s hold handing over the copy. She climbed off the couch and stood in front of you two. She reached out with grabby hands and pulled on Trent’s joggers. “Dada go ‘side like in piture. Footie ‘side now, tay?” She incessantly pulled and pulled on the fabric until he finally sat up some more and let go of his hold of you dropping the magazine into your lap, going to live the printed picture in real life.

“Okay, okay! The Teddy Alexander- Arnold wants to play footie with me? I can’t say no to that, can I?” Trent laughed, at her greedy smile pulling himself to get up with another grunt and a kiss to her forehead. “Alright, yeah it’s my day off but yeah, I’ll play footie.” He said more to you then to Teddy. He’d do anything for her. Was he exhausted and not in the mood to chase after your toddler outside in the freezing weather? Most definitely not but he would bundle Teddy up, throw on a pair of trainers and have a little kick about if it made his little girl smile. Every single time.

“Can you imagine if there were two of her.” You giggled watching Teddy pull on Trent’s facial hair as he zipped up her tan Moncler jacket. He removed her hand from his face for her with a laugh.

“Yeah, well then mummy would also have to go outside in the freezing cold because we’d need to have even numbers. 2 v 2. Right, Ted? Would you be on mummy’s team or daddy’s?” Trent asked Teddy.

“Erm… dada.” She was quick with her response gigging cheekily. You rolled your eyes kneeing before she even responded that would be her answer. Trent stayed bent over tying Teddy’s tiny brown Adidas campers that he had gotten her so they could match. If it was possible, in anyway, Teddy wanted to be like Trent. Naturally, Trent was flattered so anytime he got PR or grabbed anything from Adidas or really any brand he’d make sure to ask if they had a size for her. It didn’t bother you the way you thought it might have. Initially after you had Teddy you were so offended by her preference but now if she latched to him and gave you a minute alone it wasn’t always the worst thing. Lately, though you hadn’t really wanted that moment alone. You liked that she was so enamored with him. You definitely understand the attachment but you also knew when it came to certain things she’d quickly drop her daddy’s girl persona and come running to you. Needs her hair done? Mama. Is tired? Mama. A Cuddle? Definitely mama. Is Hungry? Mama. And hungry you knew the two TAA’s in your back garden would be when they came back in. They played for what felt like ages outside in the freezing cold while you got started on dinner. You could hear Teddy’s squeals, giggles, and ‘dada’s’ from inside. You were thrilled knowing that she’d be exhausted after Trent ran her ragged and would fall right to sleep tonight.

When you woke up the following morning Trent was feeling particularly handsy with you. Before you had fully even come to his big hands were kneading your boobs his thumbs lightly brushing over your nipples under the lacey blue pajamas you were in.

“Well good morning to you to baby.” You breathily giggled pushing your ass back into his morning hard on thinly covered by his boxers. You turned around still keeping yourself wrapped in his arms and pushed your nose against his. Trent’s hands drifted down your body to your hips and he pulled you tighter into him.

“Good morning to the sexiest girl in the world. I had a dream about you last night and let me tell you… wow.” He spoke with a morning raspiness in his voice that was unintentionally really turning you on.

“Really? Better than in real life?” You responded back, flickering your eyes between his sleepy brown ones and his perfectly plump lips silently suggesting that you play out whatever happened in his wet dream right now.

“Well…” Trent began speaking and your eyes shot open ready to be offended. “Relax…” he squeezed you. “Hold on, was just trying to say that sometimes I’m not entirely sure I’m not just dreaming every time I’m in bed with you. I don’t think it’s possible for someone to be so good, skin to be this soft,” he dragged his fingers purposefully up and down your side sending a shiver of anticipation up your spine. “ lips be so pillowy, god..” He groaned, rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip as his other hand began to wander all over your body with much more intention. “These tits, just there's no way this is real life. You can’t possibly be real.” He rattled on with a more serious tone than you would’ve expected. You thought maybe he would have fallen into a joking manner but Trent was serious. He really felt that way. He was in a trance looking at you this morning.

“Maybe I’m not. Maybe I’m only just for you, made for you.” You teased wrapping your hands around the back of his head and gently pulling him into you for a kiss.

“Made for me. Just my real life angel, yeah?” He whispered, ghosting his lips over yours. Your lips falling into open mouth kisses. You moaned into his mouth when one of his hands dropped towards your panty covered pussy. He dragged his finger teasingly over the dampening fabric.

“If I’m your angel, baby then what does that make you?” You asked him almost out of breath pulling away from the vulgar kiss moving your lips and kisses over his jaw and down onto his neck.

“I don’t know but hell, baby you make me want to fucking sin.” Trent groaned as he rolled his head to the side giving you more room to nip away at his sensitive skin. He was in a mood the morning and you were onto it.

“I need you” You murmured against his skin desperately. You could feel your pussy pulsating and growing hot just from his teasing touch. Trent was salivating at the thought of you long before you’d even woken up. You could’ve had some sort of gradual build up or foreplay but you both were too hasty, too eager, you needed each other, you couldn’t wait. He fucked the daylights out of you. Orgasm after orgasm and yet you craved more.

“You’re just insatiable, aren’t you?” Trent smirked at you as he lined his cock up with your sopping wet entrance for round two. The sheets of your bed were practically damp sticking to your skin. You had no idea how long you and Trent had been going at for but you were thanking your lucky stars that Teddy had yet to wake up because you didn’t want this to end.

“I just want more and more of you, baby.” You begged pulling Trent by his hips into you again. He slowly pushed himself into your warm velvety pussy. You wrapped your legs around him greedily. You dragged him into a messy kiss moaning into his mouth when his cock hit deeper inside of you.

“Good, because I can’t get enough. Be a good girl and take all of me.” He pulled away from the kiss and whispered back, a soft smile lining his lips. “Fuck, baby you feel so good.” He muttered out as you did as instructed, taking every inch of him to the hilt. His voice still plagued by a morning raspiness that had you a mess beneath him. Trent bottomed out with a grunt as you clenched around him.

“T…baby.” You whined feeling euphoric in a way that it felt like you were fucking him for the very first time. You’d been so horny for him lately. Your emotions were all over the place. You were sad one minute or stressed the next hour and then happy the following day, it was constantly changing but the one thing that never shook, never faltered and would probably never change was how fucking bad you wanted Trent.he was addicting. He could see the emotions play out on your face; love, lust, pleasure, and your pure vulnerability with him. You’d let him do anything, you trusted his love for you.

“I know, baby. I’m right here. Doing so good f’me.” He whispered, leaning his forehead down against your shoulder. He slid his face up into your neck and placed gentle kisses to your skin as he began to thrust into you, creating the perfect rhythm, the symphony of your moans, his groans, the sound of your skin, pornographic. Both of you were incredibly sensitive after your orgasmic first round. You tightened your pussy’s grip around Trent’s length and he shivered. Your face falling into an ‘o’ as your brows pinched. Something about this felt different. He felt so good despite you being so sore so sensitive. You weren’t sure sex had ever felt this good, you had no idea why, it was a random weekday morning, but you were not complaining. “I know, I know, baby. So good f’me.” Trent continued coaching you through stretching you out more and more as his soft plump lips grazed over your slick skin. He breathed you in with a groan. Your scent drove him crazy. He was so in love with you. Every bit of you. Every feature had him down terribly bad. No amount of time together would ever be enough for either of you. He needed all of you all the time. As desperate as you had been feeling, you had dragged Trent into the depths of the emotion with you and right now you were both benefiting from its repercussions. Your eyes began to water from the pleasurable feeling of his strokes but more so from the eye contact you two were holding, the emotion behind his eyes had you having a hard time swallowing. “I love you so much, baby. I love you. You have no idea, so fucking much.” Trent babbled away getting lost in you, his voice certain in his words. “I love you so much it could kill me.” Trent’s thrust faltered a little. He meant that. You were all consuming to him.

“I love you, T. I love you so much. I couldn’t live without you. I love you, I love you, I… I…” You babbled back to him just the same, lost in your feelings, tears streaming down your face . Your words only halted by the gasp and sudden intake of air you sucked in when Trent’s hand dropped in between you two working his fingers in tight circles over your clit. He was pounding into you aggressively and yet he never felt more loving. He gripped your thigh with his free hand, his fingers digging into the plushness of you pushing it up to your chest. He dropped his face down simultaneously and began to suck on one of your nipples. He was doing so much at once you couldn’t focus. You were completely at his mercy, submissive to any way he folded your body and you loved every single second of it.

“I’m gonna fill you up, baby. I’m gonna cum again. Fuck you feel so good. Can you cum with me?” Trent’s words were muffled by his face buried in your tits. You could barely respond. All you could do was moan and whine out his name. “Hmm? Can you cum f’me?” He asked again as your thighs shook. You weren’t sure how many times you had orgasmed this morning. You nodded pathetically unable to even identify where you were. You were holding it together by the flimsiest of threads. It wasn’t exactly a big ask to let it snap. Your orgasm came before his, crashing over you, your pleasure always his priority. You squirmed under him as you creamed all on his throbbing cock. Trent groaned as you clenched tighter around him. He drew out his high thrusting into you still. He didn’t let you come down, he just layered a secondary orgasm on top of the last. You felt a type of blissful delirium you could never articulate with words, it was indescribably good. Trent let out a filthy groan as he hit his own climax. Your eyes rolled back and your heels dragged down his muscular back as you felt him fill you up as promised, pumping you full. His warm release leaking out between you two still connected. Trent lazily kissed you as he stilled, laying his body weight onto you. If you could, you wished he could just stay inside you forever. It was like this was the safest, most comfortable you could be. It was what you had been craving. Him. You needed him. At the beginning of your relationship with him, day one in fact Trent was adamant telling you that you were his. He’d tell you ‘you’re mine’ on repeat and you had a hard time believing it. How he knew that, thought that so early on. Sometimes you wondered how he had such foresight because right now as he rolled over and pulled you to lay on top of him you stared into your husband’s beautiful mahogany puppy dog eyes that you hard time wrapping your head around that they could also do all the dirty things he had just done with you, you knew he was right from the start. You were his and he was yours. You cupped his cheeks with your hands and rested your slightly slick forehead against his. The glow on your face had Trent pink lips curling into a tired smirk. His hands caressed your bare back up and down your spine with a hum as your erratic breaths slowly began to even out. You ran one hand over his hair and smiled.

“Even after all this time, no matter how many years go by, lifetimes we could live in, it will always be you.” You quietly told him. He hummed and kissed the bridge of your nose.

“In this lifetime and the next and even in my dreams. It’s you.” He hushly spoke with a stoic expression. “I used to build dreams about you. You’ve made my life a dream, baby. I’m not sure I’ve woken up since I met you.” He mused and you felt your heart falter.

“I will always find you, T. In each one, I’m meant to be yours.” You cooed, brushing your nose back and forth over his. “I’ve been missing this…” you sighed. “Missing you so much lately. Sometimes I feel like I was missing you before we even met.” You confessed imagining the same warm honey hue his eyes had on 78th street that they did right now.

“You are mine. My baby, my angel, my pretty girl, my everything, my whole world, my forever. You, Y/N are it.” He kept his eyes fixed on you, confirming his sincerity. He was right, you weren’t sure it was possible to be anything but a dream. This was a love you could only dream of.

“Annnndd she’s ours.” You giggled hearing a stir come from a monitor off on your bedside table. You turned the screen towards you and kissed Trent’s nose.

“I’m holding Teddy, relaxxxx.” Trent laughed as you slipped your hands under his t-shirt running your nails over his abs. He was stood holding your little girl as you stood in your laundry room on a mission to find a very specific shirt that Teddy was very clear she needed to wear today. You followed Trent around all day after that dream like morning sex.

“I can’t stop thinking about this morning.” You whispered behind the shell of his ear, pushing your body into his from behind. He rolled his eyes and moved Teddy from his hip to sit on the machine. He turned and grabbed your face rashly and you giggled uncontrollably when he began to nuzzle himself against your neck, nipping at your skin.

“I will take care of you tonight, alright? Don’t I always?” He cooed to you sliding his big hands over the curve of your ass. You hummed.

“Dada me too!” Teddy without fail felt left out. She saw the beaming smile on your face left by her dad and she was jealous. Trent turned around quickly, letting go of you, completely smitten with him, and scooped Teddy up blowing raspberries against her skin sillily.

“T… baby.” You whined, squeezing him as tight as you could, nuzzling your face into his cotton t-shirt under you. You’d been so clingy to Trent and especially after the type of sex you’d been having lately you were practically glued to him.

“Come gimme a kiss, baby.” Trent cooed as you laid in bed that night. He pulled you tight to him with a kiss to your lips first and then he kissed your temple. You wiggled your body into him to be as physically close as possible. You whined his name hiding your face in his neck. “So needy for me, huh? You promise everything’s okay, sweet girl? You’re making me a little nervous. I'm not gonna lie. I mean you’ve been eating fine I thought. You’ve been doing so well with Ted, you and I’ve been fine but it just feels…” he paused, taking a deep breath not sure how to quite articulate how you’ve been acting and why it was giving him a bit of anxiety without upsetting you. Although to be fair, he had every right to be worried after the year and half you’d had with your health.

“I just… I don’t know. You’re right everything is okay I guess. I just feel really needy like you said. Like I just want to be with you all the time and then today I just felt so nauseous all day. I’ve been waking up so fatigued. Ted has so much more energy now as well and all I want to do is just squish her and hold her with me all day and it’s kind of sad she doesn’t want that anymore. She wants to run and play which is amazing and I’m glad she’s happy and goofy but like I’m tired.” You cooed sadly to Trent wallowing in the fact that your baby girl was getting older whether you liked it or not.

“Baby, she does want that. Ted loves a cuddle with her mummy. She just also wants to learn and explore. It’s good that she’s independent and curious. You know if you really asked her she’d always come and give you a big cuddle and in between those times where maybe she just wants to mess about, you always have me. I’m here. I love a cuddle with mummy.” He kissed your lips gently with a hum. “I’m sorry you haven’t been feeling well, baby. I’ll keep my eye on you, alright? Just tell me whenever you need me. I’m always here for you.” He whispered, keeping his lips tight to you ghosting over yours.

“I know. I love you, T. Can you just hold me all night? I don’t want to be apart.” You asked him fairly sadly, feeling a bit pathetic with yourself. He hummed with his eyes closed pulling you tighter into him. “Thank you. Night, baby.” You kissed his bare chest squishing your face into him. He mumbled a ‘night, beautiful’ into your hair.

“Hey, baby, what are you doing awake so early?” Trent grumbled with a raspy voice sitting himself up in bed moving back to lean onto your headboard seeing you sneak out of the bathroom back towards bed. He frowned at you. You were an early riser but it was really fucking early, this was abnormal. He pulled the blankets down for you to get back in. “Good morning, beautiful girl. How we feeling today?” He cooed more gently watching you cautiously and slowly bring your body back onto the mattress. He pulled you back into him, wrapping you in his warm embrace.

“I’ve gotten sick twice this morning already. I didn’t want to wake you. I think I caught a bug or something.” You pouted nuzzling into Trent. “T, I feel horrible. I feel so sick. Every day I feel like I’ve gotten worse this week. I… I just..” You stuttered, getting your words out and started to cry unable to hold back the emotion. “I can’t keep up with her today. I can’t do it. I feel so exhausted I can’t manage her on my own. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m the worst. It’s my only job and I can’t do it” You started crying more and more, feeling horrible, admitting to the fact that taking care of Teddy seemed like it would be an impossible task.

“Beautiful, you’re doing amazing. You’re such an incredible mum. Baby, this is not your only job, you do so much. Also, this is one of the hardest jobs in the world. It is really hard. Please don’t say you’re sorry to me. I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. What can I do?” He spoke gently to you feeling like if he raised his volume even a little above a whisper it would bruise you.

“T… I’m failing.” You croaked out embarrassed by the fear you’d be unable to take care of your daughter today.

“You’re not. Come here, sweetheart. Can you stay in bed for me today? I’ll make Ted breakfast and call my mum. I’ll ask her to take her today. She can handle that very cute bundle of energy. Just take today to rest please. I’ll make sure you’re okay, head to training a little late, and if you need me, even to just get you a tea, you call me and I’ll come right home. If not, then I’ll be home as fast as I can right after training back to my beautiful girl. Hmm?” He cooed and you sighed a sad ‘ok.’ Trent did as he said, he got himself dressed for training, he woke Teddy up, got her changed and downstairs for breakfast, then came knocking at your door a little while later.

“Mummy’s a little sleepy so we have to be quiet, okay?” You could hear Trent whisper to Teddy as they walked into your bedroom. Teddy trailed Trent clinging to his joggers as he carried a water and a cup of tea in his hands for you.

“Baby, how do ya feel?” He spoke softly rubbing his hand over your head after putting the drinks down on your bedside table. You rolled over more onto your side to get a better look at them. You just hummed with a soft smile as Teddy haphazardly climbed up into your bed and squirmed her way into your embrace.

“Mama, morning time. Why still sleepy?” She asked you and you didn’t even have the energy to try to get into your current state so you just kissed her forehead. “Know I lub you most.” She said to you with a dramatic whisper. She was trying hard to whisper the best she knew how but it was more like just speaking more breathy at regular volume.

“I know Ted. Thank you, baby. I love you the most. Mummy’s just a little extra sleepy.” You cooed meekly, kissing her cheek. “You’re going to have such a good day with Nana today though. That’ll be much more fun.” You told her hoping you could convince her that it’d be fun and you knew it would be once she got there. Dianne was amazing with Teddy, of course, but you knew Teddy well enough to know that no matter how fun something like this would be, if there was no mummy or daddy it was going to be a hard sell.

“Want stay with you, tay?” She informed you as anticipated. You gave her a sympathetic grin appreciating how attentive she was to you but you needed her to go to Dianne’s so you mustered all the strength you had to sit up a little in bed. Trent moved quickly to grab Teddy from you and plop her off the bed onto her own two feet. Your weakness and what you assumed to be a run down body was apparent to him.

“No, no, you want to go play and sing and dance, you don’t want to lay with me all day, silly girl. Plus you haven’t gotten to tell Nana all about how well you’ve been taking care of the doggies too, right?” You cooed to her cupping her cheek as she leaned her body goofily onto the bed to stay close to you. She gave you a disappointed nod of the head. Teddy had been taking it upon herself to help out more and more with your two dogs. It was sweet and she was very very proud of herself. It didn’t really relieve any of the actual duties of care from you or Trent but it was cute. “And then when you come home you have to tell me every single fun thing you did with Nana. I want to hear every bit, cute girl.” You smiled at her trying to reinforce the idea that her day would be well worth her going and leaving you.

“Will miss. Mama know I lub, tay?” She told you once more. It was cute. You knew she did but again, getting her to leave you was not an easy task. Frankly, you would have loved to cuddle up with your baby girl all day right now but that is definitely not something she had the attention span for. Your energy levels at the minute couldn’t have been more opposite.

“Okay, baby. I know, I’ll miss you too. Go ahead please. Have fun.” You cooed gently and quietly as you laid back down defeated into your pillow feeling another wave of nausea wash over you again. You had a horrible migraine that not even closing your eyes was making it dark enough for you to feel more at ease. Before Trent went downstairs you scribbled on a post it note in your room and had told him to pack something for Teddy as an aid to get her to be a bit more happy once they got to Diannes.

“Thanks mum for watching her. I told you Y/N thinks she just caught a bug or something. She was up early sick so really appreciate you taking Ted.” Trent spoke to Dianne in the foyer of her house as Teddy clung to his leg in an effort to not let him get to training. He was attempting to drop Teddy off and make it to training on time, to avoid a team fine but Teddy was being stubborn.

“No problem, hun. Everything alright? I haven’t heard that anything is going around.” Dianne brushed her hand over Teddy’s curls but kept her gaze on Trent with a raised brow. Trent gave her a confused look in return not sure what her suspicious face was for. Dianne dropped it though and smiled with a shake of the head. “We’re going to have a fun day, right my Teddy girl? What do you want to do today?” She asked sweetly to Teddy.

“Be with my mama, nana.” Teddy answered her sadly with a signature pout and puppy dog eyes Dianne was now enduring the second generation of. Teddy had inherited Trent’s beautiful face and certainly the same face that had people around them crumbling.

“Oh, I know. Mummy is the best but you’ll see her soon. How about we go play outside, we can watch a movie, we can make you some yummy food.” Dianne paused seeing Teddy’s face unchanged. Nothing she offered her was going to be better than being with you but she’d try one last effort she knew was Teddy’s latest fixation “We can color.” She drew out the word with a smile, squinting her eyes a little seeing Teddy’s face immediately respond to the option.

“Oh I know that look… I think you heard something you like, huh?” Trent cooed, coming to squat down next to Teddy, their faces now level. Teddy loved coloring and she was getting better and better at it. ‘Better’ is subjective but her progress had Trent singing her praises and she was eating it up. It was a nice activity for her and you liked how careful she was with all the markers and supplies you’d get her. She took care of it all and put everything back neatly. Trent said it was bizarre but you loved that she inherited a sense of organization and meticulousness from you. It was adorable. “Did you check in your bag we brought yet? I think there’s something special in there” He asked her as he reached behind him to grab her pink Stoney Clover backpack with her own ‘TAA’ initials on it and bring it towards them. She unzipped it slowly not understanding that this was something to be excited about. But there it was inside, a brand new pack of markers you had gotten for her, you had planned to give her at some point but no time like the present. Trent had stuck the post it note you’d written on to the packaging.

‘Show Nana how well you color, my Teddy bear. I love you so so much. Love mummy xx’

“Wow Teddy! Your mummy must love you so much! I think we should color today then if mummy gave those to you.” Dianne cooed excitedly watching Teddy’s smile grow and grow on her face and her eyes go wide, absolutely gassed about the markers.

“C’mere baby. Let’s read what mummy wrote on this little note for you.” Trent pulled Teddy into him and held the sticky note in front of them and helped her work through the worlds, essentially just Trent reading to her. When they finished, Teddy giggled and hugged the pack of markers to her chest. “Aw baby, you’re so excited. So you have to do what mummy said, yeah? Gonna show Nana how good you are at coloring with your new markers?” Trent cooed before kissing her cheek. Teddy nodded and for the first time since they entered the house took steps away from Trent. They said goodbye and Teddy took off to a little table and chairs for toddlers Dianne had at her house for her. Teddy knew exactly where it was and she couldn’t wait any longer to get there.

Trent drove home after a long fairly thought provoking training session. All day at AXA he couldn’t shake the thought of his mum’s questioning look when he said you were sick. As he was stopped at the traffic light before he entered your neighborhood, the possibility smacked him in the face. He gasped and leant his head back onto the headrest of his seat in the car, eyes wide. Trent puffed out some air and shook his head with a stupid grin. He couldn’t wait to get home.

“Beautiful, can I ask you something and please don’t take it the wrong way.” Trent asked you about an hour after he’d gotten home. He had checked in and made sure you were okay before he began his probe. You hummed not thinking about anything other than how shitty you felt today. “Ermm…” Trent paused, getting a little nervous to ask his question, beginning to second guess himself but he mustered up the courage after he took a deep breath and looked at you. He looked deep in your eyes and he sighed. He knew you. He knew you so well, he couldn’t be wrong. “When was the last time you got your period?” He asked you and you tilted your head confused and then you felt your stomach sink.

“Oh my fucking god…” You gasped and felt your soul just about leave your body. You were not being careful in the slightest in bed but it wasn’t like you’d been actively trying. You were more shocked that you hadn’t thought about this possibility though. You couldn’t help it, you just started balling your eyes out. Your tears felt like they were just endlessly flowing.”I… I… I can’t be. No.” You stuttered out the words. Trent was a little confused because, just as well as he knew you, he could tell these were not tears of joy or excitement, this was fear. Your emotions were all over the map lately and uncontrollable, it should’ve been obvious.

“Baby… Are you okay? C’mere please.” Trent sat down on the bed and pulled you into his embrace. He was holding your body up for you. You were in a completely blanked state. You couldn’t think. “Let’s just take a test alright? Let’s find out. It could just be a bug, I could be wrong. You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” Trent tried to comfort you.

“I can’t know…” You muttered out. You felt the words leave your mouth and you knew that wasn’t possible so you sighed. You squeezed Trent. “Can you come with me?” You looked up at him with teary eyes, water clumping in your eyelashes. Your bottom lip rolled into a quivering pout.

“Yeah, baby, of course. I’ll be there the whole time.” Trent cooed and helped you up from the bed. You had a few extra pregnancy tests in the cupboard of the bathroom stashed away for a situation like this but you kind of thought you’d be more prepared to take them when the time came. Trent got one out for you and handed it to you. When you took it he grabbed your hand and pulled it to him. He kissed your hand. “Whatever, absolutely whatever any test says. I love you and you will be okay.”

“Can you turn around?” You mumbled out embarrassed. Trent gave you a cheeky smirk silently saying ‘really, baby… I’ve seen you in labor. I don’t think you peeing is going to be all that big of a deal.’ It lightened your stone heart momentarily but when he did what you asked and turned around, you lost eye contact with his support and your heart hardened again. The thing was it’s not that you were massively opposed to another baby, it just was so overwhelming. There were a lot of factors at play. You were so stressed by how you would manage two babies so little when Trent had to be away for football. Today you couldn’t even get out of bed. What would happen if you had two babies and he was out of the country? Another reason, god, what if a postpartum depression came back worse this time around. Last time you were borderline suicidal.

“T, baby, I can’t… I’m sorry I’m so scared.” Tears began to fill your lash line again you stood up and Trent turned around. You placed the cap back onto the test and hugged Trent. In a backwards way his comfort triggered your tears to begin to fall again more rapidly.

“My beautiful girl, put this here.” He grabbed the test and put it on your sink counter. “You, my amazing wife, Teddy’s amazing mummy, you come with me. I got the timer. All you need to do is come and give me the best cuddle you’ve ever given me in your whole life, okay?” He moved you to come lay on top of your bed and pulled you into his embrace. He held you securely but gently whispering ‘I love you’ on repeat again and again quietly into your hair. After the alotted 5 minutes or so the sound of the alarm blaring from Trent's phone made you jump, wince, and your heart stop all at once. You were about to find out if you’d be a family of 4 and you also felt like you were about to be sick..

“Can you look? Sorry I’m being such a… I don't know I’m such a mess. I’m sorry baby.” You mumbled into his cotton t-shirt that you had now soaked with your tears.

“Baby shhh. Shhh, okay? You stay right here. I will go get it. Just you stay here and be my beautiful dream girl.” Trent let go of you and you felt like you could cry more just losing his comforting hold momentarily. He picked up the test in the ensuite and stifled his gasp. His smile was massive but he shook it off his face and looked down at a very clear positive pregnancy test. He came back into the room and he had a smile you usually hated to see one that was sympathetic and a little sad. “Y/N…” He whispered, stroking his hand over your head. “You’re pregnant. It says we’re pregnant. It’s positive, baby.” As the words rolled off his tongue Trent couldn’t suppress the smile he really felt. He was beaming, ecstatic but as you heard the words fall out his mouth you felt sick.

“Oh…” You sighed with disappointment in your voice. “Oh my god. Look how happy you are. I should be. I’m the worst fucking mum in the world. Fuck. I’m so sorry.” You looked up at Trent with swollen red eyes from all your tears. “T…How did you know?” You croaked out curious what made him think of this when you hadn’t. You felt so stupid honesty. How could you not see it. You were beating yourself up internally.

“Don’t know, baby. Just instinct. I think I know you pretty well.” He laughed shyly, running his hand behind his neck. “You were so cuddly and getting sick and It just felt like last time a little bit and baby… we…” Trent started to laugh with a gentle smile coming to give you a cuddle. “We fuck a lot.” He continued his laugh. You couldn’t help but at least crack a small smile.

“I guess better than I know myself.” You sighed realizing that Trent probably did know you better than you knew yourself. “T… it’s just… I just got my body back to a place I wasn't grossed out by.” You whimpered pushing your face into his chest upset by the idea of going through the lovely bodily changes of pregnancy again. You’d been working so hard in the gym to get fit and with your care team to get healthy.

“Baby, we’ll do whatever you need.” Trent unexpectedly told you. He was calm with his words but the sentiment was kind of insane. You wouldn’t dream of not having this baby because of something so selfish like appearance. Trent didn’t see it as selfish he saw it as your mental wellbeing. But you thought you wanted babies with Trent, plural.

“T, stop.. it’s not just my decision.” You lashed out at him pulling yourself off him in a flustered state. You felt your tears fill your eyes again. You pulled your legs up onto the bed and wrapped your arms around them, pulling your knees tight to your chest.

“I know, I know but baby we’re going to do what’s best for you though.” Trent sighed, rubbing his hand over your smooth leg. He meant it. He did. He wanted to do what was best for you but the thought of getting pregnant and then deciding not to go through with it made him a little sick.

“I need a minute alone.” You snapped standing up prioritizing your own feelings, unable to look at him. You knew the expression you could imagine was on his face would be heartbreaking. It was a really emotionally conflicting thing. He tried to call out to you but knew better and just let you go. You locked the door of the en suite and slid down the back of it, seating yourself on the floor. You cried and cried raking your brain if you were ready for this. Were you an okay mum? Would you be disappointing Trent if you decided not to have another baby? Would you be doing a disservice to this unborn baby by having him or her? You were terrified of falling back into a depressive state but as you rested your forehead onto your knees in front of you, you clocked a tiny silver frame on the marble countertop above you out of the corner of your eye. You sighed seeing matching toothy grins of the two people you loved more than anything in the world. More than yourself. You could almost hear the photo of Trent telling Teddy to say cheese. Her babbling out her attempt, something like a ‘cheebs.’ You kept crying but not because you were questioning yourself, or your abilities but because of how in love you were with being a mum, having this family. Your family was everything to you, the three of you and now the possibility of a fourth didn’t sound so bad. Another cute voice learning to ‘cheese’ in photos with the best husband and dad in the world, the love of your life didn’t sound so bad. It took you a bit of time but you eventually pulled it together.

“T…” you whispered coming back into the bedroom. You sighed and ran your hands over your face feeling guilty inspecting Trent’s body language. He was more upset than you anticipated. He wasn’t pouting intentionally, he just really wanted this. This was the best news ever for him but he was trying to talk himself down and to the fact you might want to get rid of the pregnancy. “I want this…” you cooed hugging him from behind as he laid curled up on the bed.

“C’mere, baby.” You could audibly hear him let out a deep breath. He turned to face you and pulled you tight into an embrace, tucking your head under his chin. “If you…” he began to talk.

“I want this, okay? This baby… I do.” You interrupted him, stopping what he was going to tell you, clarifying that you were certain about this.

“If it’s not the right time for us or it’s too much.” Trent was persistent with his thoughts. He kissed your head trying to tell you that no matter what he’d be there but it was breaking his heart and you could hear it in his voice.

“Stop… I really do.” You pulled your head out from against him to look him in the eyes. You were serious. You wouldn’t change your mind. You wanted a second baby.

“Yeah? You’re sure you can? You can’t do this for me.” He haphazardly got the words out not sure how to express what he was feeling. The last thing Trent wanted to do was put pressure on you.

“It’s not for you. It’s for us.” You hummed with a soft smile. Your lips began to curl more and more. Both you and Trent could feel the tension in the room evaporating. He gave you a questioning look silently so you spoke again. “I always thought we’d have like multiple kids. I don’t know. Right? Wasn’t that what we wanted?” You giggled a little trying to recall the exact plans or discussions you had had in the past. It all felt a little blurry thought. “Like not in a weird way but don’t you think it’d be silly for us to not at least try for a boy.” You smiled at him imagining a little boy.

“I think it’ll be another girl but I get your sentiment. C’mere, baby. I love you so much.” Trent cupped your face and gently pulled you into a kiss that felt like heaven. It felt like relief. You smiled into it, starting to laugh imagining another baby in the house. “Let’s have Ted sleep at my mum’s. Just need to be with my favorite girl tonight.” Trent cooed and although you wanted to correct him with a tease telling him you knew Teddy had replaced you as favorite you just hummed. “Baby… I’m really really happy. I love being a dad. I love our family.” Trent whispered into your hair kissing your head a few times.

“You’re the best daddy. Just the best, baby. It looks good on you too.” You giggled a little more picturing how good he looked carrying Teddy around, you assumed a second would only double the attraction. You were only able to kiss at his neck from your close proximity and his hold of you, limiting any movement. “T… I’m a little scared though.” You got out the obvious fear you were harboring after a couple quiet minutes embraced in a hug.

“I know, beautiful. You can be scared but you got me the whole way. You’re so strong. You can do this.” Trent tried to put you at ease with encouragement.

“Are you excited?” You meekly and sheepishly asked him, trying to divert from a more serious conversation and confessional about your fears. You could guess the answer but you wanted to hear him say it.

“I am gassed right now, seriously? Creating a life with you, having a family? It’s an absolute dream.” Trent looked at you confused with a furrowed brow. How could you not know that he thought that.

“You’re such a good daddy.” You sighed hugging him. You breathed him in. His scent wrapped around you, calming all your fears by just simply being there with you.

“Think I do okay?” He asked you with a bit of smugness in his tone. You smiled with your face still hidden pressed against his neck. You loved Trent’s cheek.

“Yeah, really the best. Ted… and I guess this little baby here are so lucky.” You cooed, moving your hand to your still flat stomach. Trent let his eyes flutter closed and moved his hand to lay over top of yours. He kissed your forehead as a silent ‘thank you.’ He could never properly thank you for giving him a family of his dreams but you were just the same. There were no words.

Trent was fucking beaming when he picked up Teddy from Dianne’s the next day. Call it a mother’s intuition but Dianne knew something was up. She easily put two and two together but bit her tongue letting you two have your privacy. You had called your doctors and made the appointment to find out for real how far along you might’ve been. Like Trent said, you had sex a lot you had no idea when this could’ve happened.

“I missed you baby bear. You had so much fun with Nana huh?” Trent cooed to Teddy looking through his rearview mirror back to her tucked in her carseat in his big car.

“Told dada.” She quipped fairly sassily. Teddy inheriting Trent’s own personality traits was biting him in the ass. His eyes widened.

“Well, I know but I’m just asking sheesh, Ted. Are you going to give Mama your pretty drawing when we get back home? She’ll be so happy to see you. I know she’ll love it” Trent continued on. When Dianne had handed over all of Teddy’s things from her impromptu sleepover to Trent she had to make sure, per Teddy’s instructions, that her artwork she’d made was kept nice and safe because it had to get to it’s recipient, you, safely. You had a museum full of Teddy drawings, each one priceless… to you. Likes squiggles on a paper to a stranger.

“Yeah huh, for my mama.” She mumbled getting distracted fixating on the little tray of her car seat filled with cheerios just moving them around. She had complained that she was hungry and couldn’t wait till she got home but evidently not enough to eat said cereal. Trent winced every time he heard Teddy crumble one up littering his car with crumbs. Anyone else… he’d be fuming.

“We’re gonna stop at the shop first, okays?” Trent told Teddy. She just gave him a ‘tay’ as expected. Trent parked his car in your local town shopping center ahead of getting back home because he wanted to get you some flowers. He held Teddy’s hand as they fumbled around the florist letting her decide the color of flowers. He knew chrysanthemums weren’t your favorite flower but Teddy was adamant that you would like the pink color which she was sort of right. In her defense, she did have the experience Trent did. She hadn’t been buying you flowers just about every month for the past 5 plus years.

“You know what, Ted? You get mummy the pink flowers, okay? And dada will get her white ones.” Trent decided two bouquets would work then, one from your babies, Teddy and your new addition, and one from your baby, Trent.

“Tay, mama like pink doe.” Teddy stayed set on the fact that you’d want the pink and Trent was wrong. It was a battle of two of the same people. Neither would concede but Trent realized he was in his mid twenties and Teddy hadn’t even hit three, so he compromised despite a tinge of confidence that he knew you liked the bouquets he usually got for you, luxurious, lavish, chic. Teddy did have the advantage of her handing over her pink cute flowers with chubby cheeks raised in a smile indented with dimples. To be fair though Trent had those dimples too. As they left the shop walking to the car two excited young men stopped them asking for a selfie with Trent. Trent was hesitant, shy, and protective of Teddy, moving his hand to her back pushing her to him but of course he obliged. “Yeah, no worries mate.” Trent ushered the kids away from him after they got the photo as Teddy stood wrapped around his leg swinging her tiny body back and forth impatiently.

“Dada, how come piture?” Teddy asked inquisitively, confused why people were stopping her daddy in the car park.

“Erm… they just know daddy from footie.” Trent answered her as simply as possible. She gave him a ponderous ‘oh’ and then went quiet as he put her into her car seat.

“Why?” Teddy pipped up again, still pressed about what just happened. You had officially entered the ‘why’ stage of toddlerhood.

“You know when you watch daddy at Anfield or when you and mummy watch the matches on the telly?” Trent cooed gently pushing a fallen curl behind her ear. “They like the way daddy plays the game so they watch dada on tv too.” Trent further elaborated for her.

“Ohs cause my dada bests.” She adorably tacked on to his explanation. Trent hummed in agreement with a soft smile. “But, dada…” Teddy cooed, continuing her thought looking to Trent who was getting into the drivers side. “Mine and mama’s, tay?” She spoke up, wanting to just cement and confirm that those guys could appreciate Trent and take a photo but Trent was in fact hers.

“Yeah, course. Only yours, baby bear.” Trent smiled back at her, kissing his hand and pressing it to her little legs dangling in her seat. He liked her possessiveness over him. “Let's go give mama her flowers and your drawing.” he cooed with a smile and a wink back in the mirror to her.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter 🤍

Next part - Chapter 29 xx

[ashisill]

Colorado woman

Warnings: (Abusive past relationship, past relationship trauma, illusions to sexual trauma,language, slight ptsd, drinking, smoking, and I believe thats all. If I missed any feel free to let me know)

Summary: Josh had given up on looking for a partner. After the last woman he swore he’d never love again. After two years of being alone his brothers started to believe him. They decided to take matters into their own hands. Lucky for them his dream woman awaits in Colorado … you.

: This is the longest fic I’ve ever written, so please give me a little bit to fix any mistakes!

~

“Let’s go out Josh. We can go to that bar Sam loves, and find you a partner. Or at least someone to fill that void”

“How many times have I told you? I don’t want a relationship. The last thing I want is to find someone drunk at a bar. Gross”

“Jeez Joshua look at you. You’ve lived at my house for two weeks now. Admit it your starting to get lonely and you don’t like it”

He laughed out loud “I’m not lonely I just don’t want to be stuck at my house all the time. Is that so bad?

“You have been sleeping in my spare room for two weeks. That’s a lot different than wanting to get out of the house for a while”

“I mean I’ll leave if your kicking me out” He laughed it off.

“That not what I’m saying Josh. Tell me what’s your type?”

“Don’t have one. I’m not like you Jake. I like to do my own thing. I wouldn’t be happy tied down to anyone”

“I’ve been doing my own thing for eight years, and my relationship is thriving”

“Well congratulations. That’s you not me. I promise you the last thing I want is a relationship”

“Then make it a fling, but for gods sake put yourself out there”

“You know I don’t see how this is any of your business or concern”

“I want you to be happy Josh, and I know that you’re not. You can brush me off like you always do, but you are lonely and it scares you. You know I don’t care if you stay with me, but you shouldn’t have to. You’re like damn near depressed all the time and that worries me Josh”

“Do you what scares me more? Getting into a relationship and everything being the same as the last one. I’d rather be lonely than risk having to feel like that again”

“Now was it that hard to open up to me? You’re not even looking. I’m not saying you have to jump into anything, but when’s the last time you’ve tried?”

“I have tried they just never work out”

“Josh you haven’t tried since … her”

“And so fucking what? You know what Jake but out. You’re not helping. All you’ve done is bitch at me” Jake just stared at him “what?”

“Josh” he placed a hand on his shoulder “All I’m trying to say is don’t give up looking. Don’t shut everyone out because you’re afraid. I want to see the light come back to your eyes. Because right now Josh I’ve never seen you so dull. Keep an open mind that’s all”

He sighed rubbing the back of his neck “Okay Jake”

~

“Do you think we should teach them more tricks?” Sam said to his girlfriend Hannah as they watched the dogs play in the yard. They heard the doorbell ring. “I got it last time” Hannah said.

Sam opened the door surprised to see who it was. “Didn’t expect you today what’s up?”

“I need to talk to you about Josh”

He took Jake to the backyard where they were sitting. “What’s up? Is he okay?”

“Sam he’s been staying at my house for two weeks. Not that I mind him there what so ever, but I worry for him. He needs someone new in his life. Hell at this point he needs a friend at least”

He looked at his girlfriend puzzled, and she spoke “he stayed at our place a few weeks ago. Sometimes he comes over for dinner as well”

“He’s scared because of that bitch. I hate her for everything she’s done to him”

“I mean I’m sure he is scared after all that. She practically abused him id probably give up for a while too”

“But it’s Josh the most loving person we know. He’s wasting all of his potential he needs someone. He’s not happy I’ve never seen his eyes so sad”

“You really wanna risk it again? We don’t know everything he went through in the first place. I think we just need to let him figure this out”

“It’s been almost two years Sam. He won’t do it himself”

“He’ll be fine we shouldn’t push him. If he gets hurt again it’s all our fault. I don’t want that guilt on my chest”

“I’m with Jake on this one. The last time Josh was over we smoked together. He got very upset, and was kinda spilled a lot to me. I promised him I wouldn’t tell, but Jake’s right I think he needs helps”

“That’s what I came here for thank you. Do we know of anyone?”

Sam sighed “There’s that one girl that we met at that festival”

“You want him with a junkie?”

“She wasn’t a junkie!”

“Sam honey you’re oblivious. I know someone that might be perfect. Only thing is she lives in Colorado”

“Josh always says he wants to live in the mountains. What’s she like?”

“Well she’s currently kinda in the same situation as him. Rough love life scared to move on. He would fall in love instantly. She’s beautiful”

“Personality?” Jake asked “she better be an angel”

“Just picture Josh, but as a female. I’d say she’s a more little outgoing than him. She reminds me of him a lot, but they are very different in their own ways”

“Good start” Jake said nodding his head.

“She very soft spoken. Overall she’s just a very kind hearted person. She’s the only person I know that would never hurt him”

“You’re positive she’s single?” Sam asked

“Yes she always says she talks to her dogs more than people. She lives alone, but says she hates being alone. She loves company because she doesn’t get it much living out in the mountains. I just know she would love Josh. They fit each other”

“Well you know it’s convenient that we’re off tour. How the hell are we getting Josh to Colorado?”

“I can talk to her. She would adore everyone coming out there. Let me see when she’s free” she stepped inside to make a phone call.

“Josh has always handled himself, but I’m watching him fall apart. He doesn’t act like himself anymore. He’s not content. When he’s home he’s pacing around the house. Or he’ll leave and distract himself for hours” Jake told his brother.

“I guess I didn’t realize how bad it’s gotten. He puts on a show for everyone. I suppose I wasn’t able to see through it like you did”

“The last thing I want is for him to get hurt again. He just needs his confidence back”

Hannah returned with a smile “everyone free next week?”

~

“Colorado?” Josh questioned picking at his fingers “why out of the blue?”

“My friend invited us to come stay with her for a week” Hannah said convincingly.

“Who’s your friend?” Josh asked perking up an eyebrow.

“Well her name is y/n, and I haven’t seen her in a while. She invited me and Sam, but we thought you guys might want to come”

“I don’t suppose I have anything better to do. Next week you said?”

Hannah got excited when he agreed. “Yes next week, and we will leave early that morning. This is gonna be so much fun!”

~

The air was cool, the green of the leaves was almost gone, and they were minutes away from arrival. A cozy little cabin in the middle of nowhere. Just you, and your dogs. You’ve spent the past week cleaning, stocking up on food, and preparing your house for guests. It’s not often you get them. Living so far away from everything your use to being alone. You would be lying if you said you weren’t beyond excited. You heard serval cars disrupt the once peaceful gravel road. Your dog’s ears perked up as you all headed towards the door. You hoped they wouldn’t be afraid of the large dogs that causally lounge around your home. You took a breath and opened the door.

“Why am I nervous?” Josh whispered to Jake.

“New place new person. Hannah said she’s a lot like you so maybe you’ll get along well”

“This isn’t a set up is it?”

He laughed “You think I would take you all the way to Colorado to set you up?”

“Yes … yes I do”

He sighed “well I didn’t. It’s just a trip Hannah invited us on. I know as much as you do. Just relax it will be fun”

He squinted his eyes at him “whatever you say”

You stood on the porch watching as they all unloaded from the cars.

“Y/n!” Hannah ran up hugging you.

“I missed you so much. I’m so happy you’re here!”

“This is Sam my boyfriend”

“I know you” you giggled “heard lots”

“Good things I hope. This is my bestie Danny”

“Hi Danny. Your hair so curly I’m jealous”

“Thank you” he laughed.

“This is Jake and his girlfriend” They waved at you, and you smiled back.

“And this is Josh”

“Oh” you paused “hello I’m y/n”

“Nice to meet you” he said quietly.

Maybe you were crazy, but you felt a connection. You known him for five seconds but you feel drawn to him. His fluffy hair that his fingers nervously ran through. His sense of style was definitely your taste. He was more soft spoken than the rest. You liked that a lot. He just had this air about him that made you want to know him.

You invited everyone inside, and you realized it was already late in the afternoon. You showed them around your place before the sun started to set. Everyone started to settle in and feel more at home.

“Very lovely place you got” Jake said admiring the cozy atmosphere.

“Thank you it’s Jake right?” You asked.

“Correct” he gave you a wink.

“I don’t wanna be that person, but where are we sleeping?” Sam asked.

“Sam don’t be rude” Josh corrected.

“No worries. So I only have one guest bedroom so the couples will have to fight over that” you laughed. “There’s an air mattress, and a couch”

“We call the bedroom” Jake shouted smiling at his girlfriend.

“Oh fuck you” Sam rolled his eyes.

“I mean he did say it first” Danny laughed.

“I promise the air mattress won’t deflate on you in the middle of the night. It was quite the investment”

“Then we call the air mattress” Sam said.

“I never mind sleeping on a couch. I’m used to it” Danny laughed.

Josh becoming worried “I guess I’ll be sleeping on the couch too?”

“No you’re sleeping on the floor Joshua” Danny said shaking his head. “No way in hell am I sleeping on a couch with you”

“Thank god I don’t have to share a bed with him” Jake said. “Tired of waking up with bruises”

“Rough sleeper?” You asked

They all laugh “absolutely. I used to be forced to share a bed with him when we were little I never got any sleep. He tossed and turned all night, and he kicks you … hard. Cons of being a twin”

“I’ve been slapped a few times” Sam said.

“I’m sorry did you say twins?”

“Yeah can you tell?” He joked.

“You know I can definitely see it”

“I don’t mind sleeping on the floor” Josh sighed

“Poor Josh” you said.

“Poor josh? What about the victims” Jake said making the room laugh.

“Well we can figure it out later. I’m not letting you sleep on the floor that’s for sure” you say to him. “Here’s the remote. Turn on whatever you’d like. Also there’s beer and stuff in the fridge” you said going into the kitchen to start on dinner.

Danny got up grabbing enough for everyone. You could definitely tell who the siblings were. As Jake and Sam bickered over the remote. Danny tried to intervene between the two. Which ended with a pissed off sam, and a cocky smirk from Jake.

Josh rolled his eyes, and walked into the kitchen. “Need some help?”

“Oh you don’t have to do all that”

“I don’t mind really” his eyes shifted to the potato’s lying in the countertop. “I could peel those if you needed”

“That would be lovely thank you”

It started out in comfortable silence. Only speaking to confirm he’s doing right. As he watched the sun set from the window his mind began to wonder.

“So” he cleared his throat. “how long have you lived in Colorado?”

“Well I visited when I was 15 fell in love, and I moved when I was 19. Been here ever since, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. You’re from Nashville?”

“Not by choice” he laughed “originally I’m from Michigan, but with the band and all. We had to move closer to the studio and stuff”

“How’s that all going?”

“The band? It’s been a lot to be honest. Rewarding, but exhausting. I’m just glad we’re on a break from tour”

“I don’t know how you do it every night. I can barely work without getting drained”

“You figure it out eventually I suppose. Knife?”

“Top drawer. What’s it’s like traveling the world, and playing to people every night”

“It never gets boring I’ll say that. When you’re up there looking out into the crowd. They love you with all their heart. It’s like they understand you in a sense. You can really feel the love up on that stage. It makes up for the exhaustion I suppose”

“That sounds beautiful. Maybe I’ll get to come to a show one day”

“So what made you invite everyone out here? Gotta be an adjustment from peace and quiet all the time”

“Oh it wasn’t my idea. I’m glad everyone came out though it’s nice to have a change”

“Oh? I was told something different wonder why” he thought it over in his head

“Well now I’m curious what you were told”

“The story was that you invited Hannah, and she invited us”

“She called me” you laughed hard. “That’s a silly thing to lie about”

He knew. He knew exactly why they lied. He knew Jake lied to his face in the car. Now that he’s met you he knows exactly why they’ve brought him here. You. Now he would be lying if his said his heart wasn’t skipping beats right now. Only now that he’s figured it out his nerves are shot.

“Good thing this cooks pretty slow so we can go relax for a while”

He followed you to the couch and hesitantly sat down beside you. His eyes shifted from the movie to picking at his finger, and back to the movie. He had scabs around his fingers from it. You could tell he was on edge a little bit. Something changed since your talk in the kitchen but you didn’t know what. He seemed nervous around you now. Although you couldn’t understand why you knew what might help. “Do you smoke?”

He nodded his head with a smile “me and Josh are gonna smoke if anyone wants to join”

You walked outside and a few of them followed. Passing it in a circle and making small talk. Josh took a drag off the joint and closed his eyes. Blowing it out and nodding his head. “Damn that’s good shit”

“Told you so” you laughed as he handed it to you.

“It’s so pretty out here. Wish I lived in the mountain” Danny said admiring the view.

“I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else” you said. “Shit I left my drink inside be right back”

“Jacob Tomas Kiszka” Josh said stern. “You brought me here to hook me up?”

“I already told you I wouldn’t-”

“I made the mistake of asking her. She said this wasn’t her idea to invite us out. Instead she got a phone call from Hannah”

“Josh listen” he said before Hannah cut him off.

“We were worried about you Josh. She’s in the same situation you are. Give her a chance”

“How did you know? How did you know we would click? Because I’ve never- I’ve never done that with anyone”

“I just knew”

They were quick to end the conversation when you walked back outside. You all stayed outside for a while passing the joint around. They gave you the last hit, and you threw the roach out into the yard. After everyone was done eating dinner the night started to get fun. Everyone had a good buzz going, and the house was lively. Josh started to come out of his shell, talking louder, and with more excitement. “My god you guys are funny” you went into the kitchen to make another drink. Josh followed you also needing a refill.

“Doing alright?” He asked you.

“Haven’t been this messed up in a while” you laughed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m almost to your level” he smiled. “I never told you but-”

“Y/n holy shit! You got more weed? I feel fucking great” drunk Sam comes shouting in the kitchen

You laughed “go into my room and there’s like 4 laying on the tv stand” you paused waiting for Sam to leave. “Never told me what?”

“Oh never mind” he waved a hand in the air.

“But-”

“Y/n” Sam came back in tugging at your shirt. “Come smoke with us”

“Fine. Josh you coming?”

“I think I’ll set this one out” he smiled at you.

“Josh is sweet” you said sitting outside with Sam and Hannah.

“Oh he’s a sweetheart” she said.

“I can tell” you put the joint between your lips and lit the tip.

“Single” Sam said and Hannah gently smacked him. “What? It’s true”

“Oh”

“He’s been through a lot relationship wise, but so have you” Hannah said.

“Don’t let him fool you he’s not always that quiet”

“Well neither am I” you laughed “he seems nervous”

“I suppose he is” Sam said taking a hit “he has been just kinda down recently. Plus his ex kinda took his self confidence from him”

“I guess he just gets lonely a lot, and it’s catching up to him” Hannah said.

“I know how that feels” you said pointing to the mountains “it’s just me and my dogs out here”

“It’s got its perks I would assume” Hannah said.

“Oh yeah definitely” you stared for a moment “he’s cute”

“Think so?” Hannah asked excitedly.

“He has kind eyes. I like his hair it’s fluffy. He just seems so nice”

“All I’m gonna say is he’s interested”

Josh sat on the couch with his brother. “Has she said anything to you? About like me or anything?”

Jake laughed “no but I can tell she’s taking a liking to you”

“Oh definitely” Danny chimed in “how do you feel about her?”

“I dunno she just kinda has this glow around her, and I wanna be part of the light”

They looked at each other and started laughing “oh he’s in love Danny”

“She seems perfect for you. Gonna thank me or what?” Jake teased taking a sip from his drink.

“Yeah yeah whatever”

“So what move are you going to make? Let’s get this started right?” Danny asked.

“Yeah you’re funny. I’m done making the moves. If it’s meant to be then it will be”

They both rolled their eyes “well shit”

“Hi” you said slamming open the door. It was obvious by your state that you were pretty messed up. “Joshua. Can I call you Joshua?”

“If you’d like” he turned to look at you. You plopped down beside him on the couch.

“Joshua!” You shouted “I have an idea”

He jumped when you yelled his name. Laughing about how you startled him. “What’s your idea?”

You shuffle through your phone looking for a song. When you found the perfect one you jumped to your feet. “Wanna dance with me?”

He smiled, and he cheeks blushed pink. “I would love to dance with you.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and his hands held your waist. “oh shit. I’m so sorry I stepped in your toes”

He smiled down at you “don’t worry about it darling”

“Darling? I like that” you laid your head on his chest. He danced you around your living room. By the time it was over almost everyone had joined. It was magical to see your house so lively and full of love.

“You made me dizzy” you giggled and sat down on the couch. Your head laid on his shoulder and you begun to get sleepy. Danny went into action being the dad of the group. Helping Jake as he stumbled into the guest room. He helped Sam blow up the air mattress, and grabbed blankets for everyone. He filled up a glass of water and sat it on Jake’s bedside table. Making sure everyone had a least a little water to drink before bedtime.

“What we gonna do about you?” You turned to Josh. “Want to sleep with me?”

“Good luck sleeping” Danny joked.

“Oh he won’t bother me I’m a deep sleeper. Nothing wakes me up”

“They’re not wrong. I don’t wanna hurt you in your own bed”

“Joshua shut up” Sam whispered.

You laughed at his attempt to help his brother “come on Josh”

“Are you sure I mean I-”

“Josh shut up” Sam and Danny said in unison.

You reached out your hand, and he grabbed it. He headed into the room “you’re room is cute”

“Thank you most the decor is diy or thrifted”

“They look amazing. Did you make this?”

He took interest in the large painting on the wall. You nodded “yes I love to paint”

“That’s so impressive. I love art myself, but I could never make anything like this”. He gently ran his fingers on the edge of the painting.

Your cheeks now bright red, and a soft smile on your lips “thank you Josh. I’m sure you could do better”

“Definitely not. I’m not really a painter. I design my own stage clothes. I sketch what I want it to look like, and then somebody makes it. I like it because it’s always exactly how I want it to be. I take inspiration from all kinds of stuff, and make it into one thing. It’s more than just an outfit really. It’s almost like another person when I put them on”

“Like each outfit is its own art piece? It’s like painting. When you’re in a good mood your art is going to distribute something completely different than if you were gloomy. The paintings are entirely different it’s almost as if different people painted them.”

“That’s exactly it! You understand” he smiles.

“Artists to artists of course I understand”

You let him look around a bit longer before excusing yourself to go change. When you came back he was still looking at the painting. He had pajama pants on with a white sleeved shirt. You tripped over your feet walking into the room. Stumbling around, and your vision was getting blurry. “Stumbling around a little. You okay?”

“Hmm” you reached for his shoulder to stabilize yourself. Without much thought he picked you up. Tucking you into the bed, and lying down beside you.

“If I hurt you or keep you up please wake me up. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor. I just-”

“Shh you’re not gonna bother me. Stop stressing about it. I can tell this is something people might have made you feel bad about”

“Yeah well try hurting the people you love and have no control over it”

A lazy finger pressed against his lip “shh don’t worry about it. Joshua”

You both laid there in silence trying to drift away. The silence was deadly, and you tossed and turned. Unable to fall asleep, and your mind raced about the man next to you. In a whisper you spoke “Josh”

Sleepy he replied “yes?”

“Can you hold me?”

“I would love nothing more”

When the sun started to rise you two were the last ones awake. Jake crept open the door worried you might have ended up on the floor. Instead he found you tangled up together. The sheets hanging off the bed, and he was holding you protectively.

“Sam come here … look” Jake said pointing at the two of you.

He poked his head through the door “awe they look so cozy”

“I wonder how long they’ve been like that”

“All he needed was a cuddle buddy I guess” Sam said.

You started to stir as the sun shined through the curtains. “Shit” they giggled and shut the door.

Josh’s eyes peeked opened to you lying across him. He closed his eyes for a moment taking it in. You were you wrapped around him tightly. One leg hiked across his waist, and the other twisted in his leg. Your arm laid across his chest, and so was your head. He was loving every minute of you. Wishing this moment would never end. However, you started to wake up. His grip was strong hopeful you wouldn’t move. You looked up at him and smiled. “Good morning”

“Good morning. Sleep okay?” He asked.

“I slept amazing. You?”

“Best sleep I’ve got in a while”

“Your so warm that’s probably why I slept so good. It’s usually freezing in here. I wasn’t all over you too much right?”

“Not too much at all. Been a while since well you know”

“Feels nice to be held. What happened to the sheets?”

“Not sure about that one”

His eyes were glowing, and his face had a smile you haven’t seen before. Dosing off a little bit with the warmth of his body. You’ve never felt so comfortable in your life. The sheets felt like honey on your skin. You wondered if you found heaven, or at least peace. You two laid tangled up together for at least an hour. Realizing the time you sighed, and climbed out of your side of heaven. The two of you stumbled into the living room. “Well good morning love bugs” Sam teased which resulted in another playful smack from his girl. “Leave them alone” she whispered.

“Checked for bruises?” Danny said.

“I don’t think he moved one bit. Except the kick the sheets off. Or maybe that was me” you shrugged your shoulders.

“Maybe all he needed was someone to hold” Jake said.

His face turned bright red and his eyes got big “oh my god shut up. How did you know that?”

“I have my ways”

“Creep” Josh rolled his eyes.

You giggled at him, and walked into the kitchen. You opened the container of coffee grounds and put it into the maker. Making a pot then going to your bedroom to get dressed. Jake and Josh were talking in the kitchen as they drank their coffee.

“So” he paused taking a sip “seems to be going well”

“Last night was the first night I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night”

“Is that why you’ve been up doing fuck knows what?”

“Yeah I’d wake up at like three in the morning and I could never go back to sleep. So I’d get up and start doing stuff”

“You’ve scared the shit out of me when I walk downstairs to get water, and you’re standing in the kitchen. You really gotta go back home bud”

“I know I know. Hey maybe I won’t have too” he joked.

“Gonna become a mountain man?”

Josh talks with his hands that’s very obvious. What he doesn’t do is pay attention to where his hands fly around. The conversation has peeked his interest, and when his hands flare out he hits the open container. Coffee grounds go everywhere. Josh’s face turns white, and he starts to panic.

“Oh fuck” he repeated over and over. “Here we go. It was going so good, and I’ve fucked it all up”

“Josh it’s just coffee grounds I’m sure she’ll understand it was an accident”

“You don’t understand Jake. Do you not fucking remember?”

“I remember, but she nothing like her. She won’t get mad I’m sure of it”

“I’ve ruined everything. Why am I like this Jake?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong. Josh you’ve been the best I’ve seen you in so long. Let’s not lose progress over coffee grounds …. Josh”

Still he panicked, hyperventilating, going into his head and -

“Josh how fucking stupid are you?”

“I’m sorry it was an accident I’ll pick it up”

“I just fucking poured that drink. You are fucking useless”

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’ll clean it up”

“Why am I even with you? Your so damn pathetic”

“It was just an accident”

“Shut the hell up and pick it up. I don’t need to hear your whining”

“I’m trying but your yelling at me”

“Are you gonna fucking cry about it? Go ahead cry see if I give a shit Josh”

“Josh!”

“Huh?”

“Did you hear me? She’s gonna get the broom for us”

“You told her? Why would you do that? We could of figured it out”

“Josh breathe. Take a damn breath. I’m gonna say it again she’s isn’t like her”

“Oh no what happened?” you said walking into the kitchen.

“I’m so sorry it was an accident I’ll clean it up”

“Oh no worries. Shit happens” you waved a hand in the air.

“I’m so sorry I-” his fingers ran through his hair. Processing your response he looked at you confused “Wait what did you say?” he said softly.

“I said shit happens. I’d be a fool to get mad over something so small. Go sit down I’ve got it”

He looked at his brother confused. “You’re not mad? Why aren’t you mad? I spilled this everywhere”

“Don’t beat yourself up. I’m clumsy as hell. Always spilling stuff. Go sit down” you handed him his coffee cup “here. Go take a breath”

Josh exited the room, and you turned to Jake for some answers. “Jake” you whispered.

“What’s up?” He grabbed the broom as you held the dust pan.

“Is he okay? Why did he get so upset?”

He swept the grounds into the dust pan. His face shifted to an almost confused look. Then you thought maybe it was an angry one. But his eyes looked hurt, and watched him quietly.

He sighed “his ex is a horrible person. She treated him like shit, and made him feel bad when he made a mistake. I don’t know everything, but I know she did get physical sometimes”

“That’s horrible he doesn’t deserve that”

“No he doesn’t. There was a trip we were on and he spilled her drink on accident. She cussed him out, and called him all these names. He was cleaning it up and she kicked him with her boot. I got a little rough shoving her away from him, but it should have never happened. He stayed and I don’t know why. I think he was afraid to leave her. It was like an intervention I swear. We all sat with him and told him he deserved better, and we helped him break it off”

“But he’s so sweet how could anyone treat him that way? I want to fix this”

He sighed again, and you could tell something was weighing on him “can I tell you the truth?”

You nodded, and he spoke “your the reason we’re here. We thought maybe you two would hit it off. We were worried for him … very worried. Josh has always been the most outgoing person, and it hurt watching him fade. Hannah said that you were single, and it was just a hunch. We just wanted to help him. I’m sorry I don’t want to pressure you”

“So that’s why everyone lied to him” now it made sense. “I don’t click with people. There’s never been a person I felt instantly connected too. Except yesterday when I laid eyes on Josh. It’s been a day, but I’m glad you brought him here. We’re both wounded, and because of that I think we can heal each other. Thank you Jake”

You decided to put there plan in motion. You got up to find Josh “Hey follow me”

You went out the gate and started walking down a rocky path. He didn’t ask where you were taking him nor did he care. He watched as the dogs switched between walking beside you to scanning the area ahead. You never minded the dogs running off when on your walks. You got closer to the mountains and Josh’s eyes began to glow. You hiked down to the river. A deep spot that nearly looked like a pond. The mountain ran above it making the spot secluded. “Look at this place. It’s breathtaking”

“It never fails to impress me. The waters cold I don’t usually get to swim. I just come here to relax”

He reached his hands in the water “I mean it’s not that cold”

“Wanna get in then tough guy?”

He reached to remove his shirt “wait!”. You took off running and he ran after you.

You made it to the top of the smallest cliff. “Your kidding me right?”

“What? Are you scared?” You teased him.

“Maybe a little. Sure it’s deep enough?”

Rolling your eyes at him you asked “do you trust me?”

“I do”

You took your shirt off revealing a lacy white bra, and panties to match. He looked away quickly, but his face already turned red. “It’s okay” you giggled

“Sorry” he said with his eyes glued to the ground.

“Don’t be. Human nature ya know. You’re turn”

He removed his shirt, and stripped down to his boxers. You placed your hands on his shoulders grabbing his attention “Listen whatever we went through let’s try to move past it. I’ve been scared too Josh. For two years I was afraid of any interaction with a man. I could barely go places by myself”

“What happened? Only if your comfortable to answer”

“Started at a party my drink got spiked. I don’t remember anything or if anything happened to me. I thought it was because he like me so I started dating him. He would hurt me often. I thought it was normal, and I convinced myself he loved me. The cycle continued until my friends got me help. It was relationship after relationship, and it was all the same. That’s what I thought I deserved I suppose. I’m still in therapy and I continue to get better every day”

“I guess it was my first serious relationship. Or so I thought, but I meant nothing to her. I never dated much in high school. All she did was yell at me. I couldn’t spend enough on her. It was never enough. She would hit me and it’s not that it hurt that bad. It hurt more knowing she wanted to harm me. I loved her, and she wanted nothing more than to hurt me. My brothers got me away from her thank goodness. I’m also in therapy I never thought it would help, but it has. And I know I’m so awkward, but it’s almost as if I don’t know how to act. No one’s ever been as gentle with me as you are”

“We will heal together. This jump is us letting go”

You reach out your hand, and counted down. With no hesitation he jumped with you. Falling farther than he thought, and his body rushed with adrenaline. You both hit the cold water, and gasp coming back up. He slicked his hair back, and tried to catch his breath. “I take it back this water is freezing”

“That was so fun Josh” you shouted holding his shoulders. “Oh my god I feel so alive. Do you feel it Josh?”

He nodded his head and wrapped his arms around your waist. You threw your arms on his neck. “Yeah I feel it”

You held on to him tight, feeling his heart beat against yours. You stayed in the water far too long in this cool weather. You just couldn’t make yourself let go. You put your forehead against his. “Can I kiss you?”

He smiled softly “I would love that”

You leaned in placing your lips to his. Your body felt warm for a minute. Like a shock of electricity ran through your veins. Your lips moved against him. You let the last kiss drag out before you pulled back “I cant feel my toes”

“I can’t feel a lot of things” he said, and you busted out laughing. You hiked back up to the top to grab your clothes and headed towards the house. You were shivering and your teeth were chattering. When you arrived back at the house you couldn’t feel a thing. Everyone was sitting outside, and their neck snapped around to look at you two.

“What the hell happened to you guys?” Jake asked

“Oh you know we just jumped off a cliff. No biggie” Josh teased.

“We left you two alone for an hour and you jump off a cliff” he laughed.

“I’m gonna go change, and start the fire” you kissed his cheek.

Causing everyone’s jaws to drop. “Did she just-?”

Everyone gasped excitedly, and Josh just seemed to glow. He nodded his head proudly, and started to tell the story. His hands were flying everywhere as he spoke in detail.

“Hot chocolates on the stove, and the fire has been started”

“Actually that sounds quite nice” Jake said.

As the temperature dropped everyone piled in the house. Laying around the living room with hot chocolate in hand. A cozy movie playing, and the lights turned down.

You turned off the stove, and stepped into the living room. Looking around the room seeing everyone so content. You just smiled wishing it could be like this forever. He noticed your giddy smile “Come here love”

You cuddled up beside him, and he threw the blanket over you two. The house was warm, and everyone was completely relaxed. You felt as if you were melting into Josh. You thought this might be the most comfortable you’ve ever been. Your eyes started to get heavy, and before you knew it sleep had taken over.

You feared for the end of this week. Knowing it was coming soon. He would leave and go back to his busy life. You would be here like you always are. For now his fingers ran through your hair, and his lips kissed your forehead. He couldn’t quit place the feeling he was feeling, but he knew one thing.

He was home.

[petalsnow]

divine & mine (18+)

hyunjin x afab!reader x felix

word count: 3.7k

genre: smut, fluff - 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI!!

18+ content and smut warnings below the cut.

warnings: non-idol au, marriage au, intended lower-case usage, poly!relationship between reader, hyunjin, & felix, threesome, swearing, alcohol consumption, oral sex (reader & felix receiving), unprotected sex (don't do this), cumming inside (don't do this), impreg kink, praise kink, small mommy kink, dom/sub dynamics, confessions of love.. i think that covers everything, let me know if i missed something!

summary: you decide to celebrate your third wedding anniversary by having a romantic picnic with lots of wine and two horny husbands.

this is a fictional story. nothing in this fan-fiction represents hyunjin, felix, or stray kids as a whole. NOR does it represent their relationships with each other.

read at your own risk.

____

three years have passed since your wedding day. over one thousand days of being cared for and adored by both of your partners.

you had met hyunjin first, he was a regular at the same library you attended every monday, wednesday, and friday. he was a stranger, but he made sure that didn’t last. as each day passed, his stolen glances grew more frequent and his proximity grew closer and closer until you both could be spotted at the same table, quietly bickering over the novel you were both reading.

it wasn’t long after that hyunjin mustered up the courage to ask you out. the library was rigidly silent before hyunjin came out with it, “would you like to come over for dinner tonight? i’ve been dying to try this pasta recipe but it feeds two and i hate leftovers.” his face turning a pale shade of red before everting his gaze from yours.

naturally, you accepted and the rest was history. you two were shamelessly in love ever since.

you two had been together for a year before you met felix for the first time.

you and hyunjin met felix during a night out at a local bar. it was karaoke night and you had enough liquid courage to storm the main stage and sing your heart out to the lyrics of “My Heart Will Go On” by celine dion. Hyunjin admired you from the table you were both sitting at beforehand, sipping on an espresso martini. to his left, stood a blonde-headed boy who was smaller than him, sipping on a beer with his group of friends. The boy was thoroughly entertained by your performance, his laugh like silk as you made a fool out of yourself.

“she’s amazing” he said to his friend, but loud enough for hyunjin to hear, which made him shift his focus from you to the younger boy.

when hyunjin laid his eyes on felix for the first time, his first thought was how beautiful he was. He quickly took note of the freckles that dusted his cheeks, and his light brown eyes.

“after she comes down, you should totally ask her out” felix’s friend suggests with a smirk and a playful shove. felix couldn’t help but giggle and nod.

“she’s mine.” hyunjin spoke up, setting his cocktail down on the table. felix snapped his head in the direction of his voice, his face full of fear.

“oh, mate, i had no idea.. i wouldn’t have said anything if i had known.” he shook his head and pled his case.

“relax, there’s no way you could’ve known.” hyunjin broke his hard facade with a polite half smile. “come sit.” he gestured to the empty chair across from him.

felix visibly gulped and slid into the chair.

“what’s your name?” hyunjin asked, leaning forward to hear over the music.

“felix.. lee felix” the blonde replied quickly.

“hyunjin,” he said, holding his hand out for a truce.

felix met his hand and shook gently with an awkward nod.

“i like you.” hyunjin admitted

felix had a look of confusion painted across his face.

“i think you’re cute.”

“.. but didn’t you just say..”

“we’re open.”

felix still didn’t understand.

“we have an open relationship, and i think you’re cute” hyunjin clarified.

felix choked on his beer.

“oh, um..” he wasn’t sure how to respond.

before hyunjin could continue, you were stumbling back over to the table.

“hey baby!!” you exclaimed, throwing your arms around hyunjin’s neck. “i missed you” you giggled drunkenly.

hyunjin couldn’t help but laugh as he placed an arm around your waist.

“this is felix, we just made friends.” hyunjin said, turning you slightly to face the timid boy.

“hi” felix almost whimpered, offering a small wave.

“y/n, nice to meet you phoenix” you replied with a toothy smile.

“oh, that’s not-“ felix started before hyunjin interrupted him

“i was just asking if felix wanted to come home with us tonight, what do you think angel?” he asked, tucking a small piece of hair behind your ear.

immediately, you knew where this was headed and the realization was mildly sobering.

you looked back over at felix, taking him in completely this time, before looking back at your boyfriend.

“that sounds lovely.” you answered sweetly. “what do you think, freckles?” you cocked your head at felix.

felix looked absolutely mortified, like a deer in headlights. Nevertheless, he slid out of his chair and looked between both of you

“let’s get out of here.”

That was over three years ago, and today you are all celebrating your third wedding anniversary.

The whole thing was hyunjin and felix’s idea, they were truly the most lovesick pair you had ever seen. they were almost frantic in your kitchen, shoving expensive wine into the picnic basket and perfecting the charcuterie board for your date.

you had just finished getting ready, a flowy, snug fit sundress and a head full of loose curls. little did you know you were walking into a disaster of a kitchen.

“guys what the fuck happened in here? it looks like a tornado flew around the kitchen.” you gasped, looking at the mess they had made in preparation for your celebration.

felix was boxing up the last few finger foods before waltzing over to you to place a kiss on your temple.

“don’t worry about any of this, me and hyune will clean it up whenever we get back, mkay?” he reassured you, filling his arms with food and drinks to bring to the car.

you grinned and shook your head before reaching out to grab some of the load, but hyunjin yanked it from your grasp.

“what do you think you’re doing? what kind of husband makes his wife carry her own anniversary gift?” he looked viscerally offended. “go wait in the car my love” he cracked, shooting you a dashing smile and a wink.

you playfully pinched his hip as he brushed past you before heading to the car like you were instructed. felix was waiting outside of the car with the door ajar, waiting to help you inside with an out stretched hand.

“wow, so formal today.” you smirked, taking his hand and climbing into the car.

“always the best for our princess.” he smiled, waiting for you to get comfortable, before gently closing the door.

____

the ride was long, but only because your date was a picnic in a secluded field of flowers.

whenever you arrived, hyunjin and felix worked quickly to lay a large quilted blanket down and set up your lunch.

you thanked them for everything before sitting down between them.

you ate together and emptied wine glass after wine glass. you talked of the past and of the future, and of how much you adored one another.

“i bet if we had kids they’d look exactly like me and have y/nnie’s attitude.” hyunjin teased, propping himself up on his side while plucking grapes off their vine. He delicately placed one in each of your mouths.

“hey, what is that supposed to mean?” you gasped with your mouth full of grapes and slapped his arm playfully.

“it just means they’d be so kind and so sweet and so perfect and not sarcastic, short-tempered, or sassy at all!!” felix mocked as you landed another playful slap, now into his arm.

“you’re one to talk” you rolled your eyes as the laughter died down slowly

“in my defense, i only have an attitude around you guys if i’m trying to have it fucked out of me.” felix shrugged nonchalantly, causing both you and hyunjin to grow wide-eyed and cough at his suddenly bold statement.

“jesus, lix” hyunjin placed a hand over his mouth, trying his best to finish his last bite of food

“at least he’s honest” you added, resting back on your palms

felix blushed smugly at your reactions before picking the original conversation back up

“i would love to have children one day..” he added with shyness laced in his voice

you and hyunjin’s attention shifted to him at the sudden seriousness

“you would?” you asked sweetly

felix nodded, toying with a blade of grass near his hand

you looked over at your other husband, who then looked back at you. you weren’t sure why, but these kinds of conversations always made it difficult for you to navigate. Although you all loved one another equally, whenever it came to the discussion of starting a family, the reality of things had to be faced. Hyunjin, knowing how you are, spoke up first.

“let’s have a baby then,” he said before taking another sip of wine.

this made your heart race as you looked between both of them.

“but-“ you began and felix cut you off this time.

“i don’t care who the father is. The way i see it, we’re all three connected and we would all love the baby the same regardless.” felix offered, trying to soothe your anxious state.

you took a deep breath as the tension built upon itself.

“i’m sorry, i just wasn’t really expected to talk about this today. I apologize for my hesitation. Of course, I would love to have children with you, but only if we’re all sure.”

hyunjin and felix chuckled, sitting up.

“i don’t think we’re ever been more sure of anything in our lives, angel” hyunjin smiled before placing a tender kiss to your lips and running his hand up your thigh.

felix wasn’t far behind him, moving your hair to place an open-mouth kiss to the side of your neck as you sat in between the two men.

you closed your eyes in pleasure, melting into their touches. as hyunjin left your lips you spoke up

“what, are you guys going to knock me up in this field?” you laughed sarcastically, waiting for them to catch on. Instead, the two boys turned their attention to each other with twin calculating looks in their eyes and then back over to you.

“yes,” they said in unison, hyunjin returning to your lips and felix back to your neck.

you moaned into hyunjin’s mouth at the realization and instinctively parted your legs ever so slightly.

even though the movement was quaint, felix took note and moved his hand up your inner thigh gently as he kissed down your collarbone.

“may i?” felix broke the silence, fingers dancing dangerously close to your panties.

hyunjin broke the heated kiss at his question.

“what do you say, pretty girl?” he glanced at felix, and back into your pleading eyes.

“please,” you whined, opening your legs more for felix to fit in between and get to work.

felix hummed and tugged your lace panties down your legs, discarding them nearby. Bring his mouth to your heat, kissing your clit softly to let you know he was starting.

your breath hitched in your throat as hyunjin moved to support you from behind, your back resting against his chest as you got comfortable.

“that’s it, baby, relax” hyunjin cooed in your ear, running his hand up your side.

felix wasted no time licking away at your cunt. his arms were wrapped around your thighs, his thumb rubbing at your clit.

eating you out had to be felix’s favorite thing to do. he could spend all day pleasing you, hearing you cry out for him.

your wetness was dripping down his chin and he loved how filthy it made him feel.

“you taste so sweet” he groaned, entranced by you and the way you responded to him. he moved one hand from your thigh and brought two fingers up your heat, running them down to collect some lubrication.

“look at that, you’re in for a treat darling.” hyunjin half-whispered into your ear, brushing the straps of your dress off your shoulders to allow him access to your breasts.

felix blushed at his husband’s comment before dipping the first finger into your pussy.

felix slowly pumped his finger in and out of you while hyunjin pushed your dress down to reveal your chest. he hummed at his success and began toying with your nipple between his slender fingers.

your back arched at the new sensation and it caused you to clench around felix’s fingers.

“feel good?” hyunjin questioned, pinching your nipple gently.

“fuck, yes. you both feel so amazing.” you whimpered out, clinging to the picnic blanket that laid underneath all of you.

felix had resumed eating you out, adding another finger to fuck into you, growing more eager by the second.

hyunjin brought one of his hands up to his mouth to spit into his palm before bringing it back down over your nipple, swirling the saliva over the sensitive bud.

“hyunjin…” you sighed blissfully, arching your back into his touch.

felix had completely zeroed in on your cunt, fucking his fingers into you at a steady pace while lapping at your clit

“i need you to cum on my face” felix whined desperately, only detaching himself long enough to utter the one sentence.

you groaned at his words and hyunjin’s massage

“i’m close” you mewled, knuckles growing white from your tightening grip

“let go for us, be a good girl.” hyunjin cooed, never ceasing his movements.

that’s all it took for you to twitch and release all over felix’s fingers and his face. He wasted no time licking up anything that missed him and left a trail of kisses across your lower half.

“fuck, that was so hot” felix growled, sitting up between your legs.

“let me taste her.” hyunjin ordered, gripping the young boy by the back of his head and crashing their lips together.

You watched as your husbands made out just above your head, the remnants of your release dripping down from their lips and onto your bare chest.

you always had a lingering sense of guilt, for no reason that you could pinpoint. Both of them catered to you more than they catered to each other, and that always made you feel a little strange. you always hoped they weren’t sacrificing anything to be in this kind of relationship. But it was times like these, watching them melt into each other's touch, that you felt your heart swell, and you could relax, knowing they loved each other, too.

the kiss ended and hyunjin moved out from behind you to face you now.

“you ready for us, doll?” hyunjin asked softly, rubbing your cheek with his thumb.

you nodded as felix removed his shirt and began undoing his pants to slip them off.

“words, y/n” hyunjin reminded you, waiting patiently for your approval to remove his clothes

“always ready for you.” you smiled, tugging on the hem of hyunjin’s shirt and he wasted no time removing it over his head and then discarding his pants as well.

felix helped you lie down on your back while hyunjin positioned himself between your legs and felix positioned himself behind your head.

“you okay if i use your mouth while hyunjin fucks you?” felix asked softly, stroking his hard cock.

“of course, lixie wanna taste you.” you nod and lean your head back to make it easier on him.

he blushed at the nickname and looked at hyunjin.

“you can start, wanna make sure she’s okay before I stuff her mouth full.” felix chuckled and you rolled your eyes playfully.

hyunjin said nothing, too focused on the way you looked beneath him. he slid the head of his cock up and down your slit experimentally, gathering your wetness before pushing into you slowly.

you whined at the stretch and felix ran his fingers over your cheek, consoling you.

“you doing okay sweet girl?” hyunjin asked, halting his movements.

“yes, yes i’m perfect baby.” you nodded frantically “please give me more,” you begged

hyunjin moaned as he pushed deeper into you, moving your legs to wrap around his hips.

felix took that as his signal to push his cock into your mouth, his eyes rolling back at the warmth, slowly fucking his cock into you.

“fuck baby, how are you still so tight?” hyunjin mewled, throwing his head back, licking his lips

you moaned around felix’s cock as hyunjin’s hips sped up, your body felt like it was floating from the overstimulation.

hyunjin and felix both reached for your tits, hands brushing over each other before they both claimed one, teasing you once again.

“fuck, hyune, i don’t think i’m gonna last.” felix whimpered out to the other boy.

hyunjin was still trying to compose himself, biting his lip between moans

“you don’t have to hold on lixie, we have all day.” hyunjin squeezed the other boy’s pinkie, reassuring him.

felix whimpered, his hips speeding up, repeatedly hitting the back of your throat.

“baby i’m gonna cum, can i come in your mouth? please please, can i?” he stuttered

you moaned out in approval, back arching off the ground.

felix’s hip shuddered, his warm milky release filling your mouth, you swallowing it up without hesitation.

hyunjin’s pace quickened, fucking into you deeper and harder.

your eyes were brewing tears, gasping for air.

“y/n, i’m gonna cum. i’m gonna cum inside of you, are you ready for me?” hyunjin growled, placing his hands on your hips to stabilize himself.

“please, need you to fill me up. please hyune.” you mewled, finding felix’s hand and holding onto it tightly.

“fuck- i’m cumming.” hyunjin confirmed, landing sharp thrusts into your cunt, filling you to the brim.

felix wiped the tears off your cheeks and caressed your cheeks as you came down.

“you’re such a good girl, y/n. our perfect girl.” felix praised sweetly.

hyunjin leaned down and kissed your lips sweetly, leaving a few stray kisses on your neck after.

“did so good. you’re so good for us.” hyunjin breathed out, slowly pulling out of you.

you smiled beneath them and leaned into felix’s hand.

“can i feel you too lixie?” you looked up innocently at the freckled boy.

he looked surprised, “are you sure baby? that was a lot just now.”

you nodded, sure of yourself. “want you too.”

hyunjin chuckled at your cute exchange.

“felix, switch places with y/n,” he instructed, moving back so you two had room to do so.

felix obeyed and laid down on his back, his cock soft due to his release.

you sat next to felix, waiting for hyunjin’s instruction.

hyunjin moved in between the younger boy's legs, leaning down to kiss him.

felix whimpered into hyunjin’s lips, both their cocks growing hard once again at the contact. felix’s hands found purchase in hyunjin’s hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.

you watched in awe, running your soft hands up the side of felix’s leg.

hyunjin let him go, smirking.

“my turn.” you smiled, leaning down to capture felix’s lips this time.

felix smiled into your kiss, his lips tasted like hyunjin and wine.

hyunjin took advantage of the distraction and spit into his palm, rubbing the lubrication over his head and felix’s opening.

hyunjin lined his cock up with felix’s hole and slowly pushed forward.

felix squealed into your mouth at the unexpected intrusion. it startled you so you looked toward hyunjin and quickly picked up on what was happening.

“hyunjin! it was my turn!” you complained, looking at him in belief.

felix became a moaning mess as hyunjin began fucking into him.

“fuck, hyung, you’re so big.” he all but screamed out.

“baby, it’s still your turn.” hyunjin chuckled “come on, climb in front of me.” he pulled you onto felix.

“oh fuck-“ felix realized what was going to happen “i, oh-fuck, i can't handle-“ he couldn’t finish his sentence.

you followed hyunjin’s guidance and lowered yourself onto felix’s length, earning a loud cry from the pitiful boy below you.

hyunjin held onto you while he fucked deeper into felix, and set the pace for you to ride your shared partner.

you toyed with felix’s nipples as hyunjin held onto you as if he owned you, biting into your neck and shoulders and your hips moved up and down.

felix was seeing stars, his eyes were rolled back into his skull and his breathing was staggered, completely encapsulated by you and hyunjin’s movements.

“lix- you’re - fuck - you’re so perfect.” you praised him, resting your palms on his chest now

“feels perfect too” hyunjin chimed in.

all felix could do was groan out, still not being able to focus on anything.

“are you gonna cum for us baby boy?” you whined, staring at his fucked out expression

he nodded quickly

“gonna make our girl a mommy?” hyunjin added.

felix squealed out and thrusted his hips upwards as he came in you without warning.

you moaned out and hyunjin did the same, finishing inside the smaller boy.

everyone was catching their breath at the same time, you picked yourself off of felix and fell onto the blanket next to him, chests heaving.

hyunjin pulled out of felix slowly and gently, making sure not to hurt him.

after a minute or so of regaining composure, the silence was broken.

“happy anniversary, my pillow princesses.” hyunjin giggled with his bunny smile, leaning over the two of you to place playful kisses on both of your flushed faces.

you and felix both blushed and wiped your faces after his wet kisses.

“happy anniversary.” you smiled at them both, pulling hyunjin down so you could lay in between them.

“i’m so glad you were horrendous at karaoke.” felix challenged and quickly hid his face, awaiting your retaliation, which immediately came after.

“felix! that’s so mean! oh my gosh!” it was hyunjin’s turn to chime in, giggling sweetly.

you laughed as the boys began to playfully fight over you. you looked over at your left hand, where a small golden band hugged your finger.

you sighed happily as their bickering continued,

you were in love.

the end.

[a-kaash-me-outside]

the walls are thin - ch5

in which atsumu is your college neighbor with whom you share a wall. previous | ch5 | next [masterlist]

// overly attentive and completely different than you ever expected him to be ~ ᴀᴛsᴜᴍᴜ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ~ 7955 ᴡᴏʀᴅs

a look into this chapter: oops, 18+ minors dni eventual smut, masturbation, incessant flirting (as always), msby besties, oh we're doing this already?, feelings are confusing but developing, drinking, frustrating a bit sorry abt that, she/her pronouns

send an ask and i’ll add ya to the taglist! ~ ♡ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢs ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴs ᴍᴇᴀɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ♡

“i miss you,” he complains. you’d think you’d have gotten used to that phrase coming out of his mouth by now, but you can still feel your skin tingle. you roll your eyes nonetheless. 

“it’s not even been a full day,” you retort. 

he mulls over this for a minute before deciding that you’re wrong, “not true.”

“i think it is,” you say, “but even if it has been a full day, that’s kinda…,” you trail off, “pathetic?” 

he laughs, the pang in your heart telling you that maybe it isn’t so pathetic to miss somebody after not seeing them for a few tens of hours. you smile at him, eyes moving away from his gaze after just a few seconds. 

“i miss you too, maki,” you reciprocate. 

“not so pathetic after all,” he points at you through the phone. 

you purse your lips to the side, thoughtful, “no, still pathetic i think, just from both sides.”

“yea, fair,” he says, flipping over in his bed, lying on his side, messy hair against his pillow in a way that you’ve seen in person a few too many times. he called you this morning before the two of you had even gotten out of bed. “so, what did you even do last night without me?”

“well, i was planning on staying in and spending all weekend by myself,” you start, “but i actually went over to atsumu’s last night.”

“you? hung out with atsumu? on a friday night? what kinda things did you have to do for that to happen?” he asks, one eyebrow raised. 

“nothing,” you sneer at him, “he’s the one that suggested it actually.”

“yea, and how did that go?” he asks, tiny tinge of jealousy hidden behind the sarcasm at the end of the sentence.

“weirdly good. i thought he might try to make a move or something, but we just kinda hung out,” you explain, maybe omitting the parts where you fell asleep on his chest and told him that you think about him all the time. 

“and what are you up to tonight?” all of the questions that he keeps asking about your weekend are making you miss him even more, because the answer is nothing but you wish the answer was hanging out with maki.

you sigh dramatically, “well, you guys left me, so i’m having lunch with atsumu, but i’m on my own tonight. which isn’t bad actually, going to just spend some time alone, get caught up on assignments, whatever.”

“i’d probably be having more fun with you,” he admits.

“what? not going good over there?” you ask.

“no, it’s a blast. i’ve missed these guys and it’s been super fucking fun. last night, hajime convinced oikawa to jump in the lake with him and because oikawa was really drunk, he did it, but hajime didn’t jump with him and oikawa was really pissed. swear to god he almost drowned. it was really great,” maki laughs at the thought and then responds to your concerned look, “he didn’t drown, yn, calm down, it was funny.”

“and i’ve got to catch up with people that i haven’t seen since high school,” maki shrugs, pausing, “but i mean, they’re not you.”

you’re about to react, some form of i get that coming out of your mouth as there is a harsh knock on maki’s door. “come in,” maki answers. 

from off screen, you hear oikawa mumble something. it’s quiet. you’re not sure you could’ve made it out if you hadn’t previously spent so much time with oikawa. “hajime wants to go to the diner to get food, get dressed.” 

“alright, alright, i’m just gonna say bye to yn,” maki says, sitting up in his bed. 

there’s a loud squeak of the mattress as oikawa jumps on the bed, you assume. “yn! how is everything back there? making it by without us?”

“it’s been one day, guys,” you groan, jokingly. “but it’s good. i’m good.”

“yn hung out with atsumu last night,” maki says. it sounds like a tattle. 

oikawa tilts his head to the side, “last night?” he’s sporting a devious smile as he pounces on maki, both hands covering maki’s ears as he says hushed, “and how did it go?”

a blush rises to your cheeks at the whole spectacle. maki is trying to push oikawa off of him and oikawa, surely used to testing iwaizumi in the same ways, is able to hold his ground. “good, it went good!” you reply in a laugh.

“and? did anything happen?” 

“no! stop it!” you say, watching as maki finally throws oikawa off of him. 

“okay! okay!” oikawa has both of his hands up in defeat, sliding off of the bed and walking towards the door. “10 minutes, maki, we’re leaving in 10.” the door closes off screen.

maki shakes his head, slightly out of breath, “i gotta go, but i’ll talk to you later, okay? i’ll text you.”

you nod. “and i’ll see you sunday?” you ask.

he tilts his head, questioning, “it hasn’t even been a full day. kinda pathetic.”

“fine,” you say, calling his bluff.

“no! i’ll see you sunday, loser,” he says quickly, “god, let me make fun of you for being obsessed with me once in a while.”

you can’t stop smiling. “alright, alright. see you sunday, maki. can’t wait.”

“can’t wait,” he repeats and then hangs up.

&lt; 11:21 pm < have a good day ♡

> maki ♡ / 11:21 pm > you too ♡

/++/

you’ve forgone yours and atsumu’s lawn blanket set up as per his request, which you weren’t really expecting. after the events of last night, you assumed he might want to have the space to be close to you. maybe not. 

you didn’t ask questions, just chose a familiar picnic table and sat on the side that you knew you could watch atsumu approach from. 

and you do, eyes on him as he walks towards you. he cuts through the lawn, deviating from the concrete path, throwing a smile your way when he recognizes that you’re watching him. 

“yknow it’s almost getting too cold to keep sitting out here,” you say as he approaches, gesturing to your spot on the lawn. your spot. you cross your arms over one another, shivering slightly. fall is settling in, the semester more over than it is started.

he walks around to your side of the bench and sits beside you. you’re not sure if he’s doing this on purpose, making you feel this flustered. when he takes his jacket off, the same one that you met him in, the same one that was hanging on the back of his chair last night, and presents it in front of you, you know that he must be doing this on purpose. 

“are you really giving me your jacket right now?” you ask, mind screaming at you to just grab it. “we’re not in a cheesy rom-com.”

“are ya cold or not?” he asks, extending it a bit further. 

“yes,” you mutter, grabbing it from him and sliding it on. “thank you, tsumu.” you’re enveloped with him, soft fabric infused with his clean scent, and you’re not sure you’re going to give this back, so you hope it’s not that important to him. “it’s cute that your accent comes out when you’re short,” you point out. 

“shuddup,��� he says, shaking his head. you scooch over closer to him, legs pressed together. he throws his arm around your shoulder, picks at your lunch, and you’re very aware at how much of a couple you look like right now. it’s quiet, peaceful.

he breaks the silence with a sentence that you’re confused by how he thought it was a good idea, “don’t be mad.”

you immediately face him, expression contorted into confusion and maybe a bit of anger for no reason other than what else are you supposed to feel when someone prefaces with that?

he explains, “i’ve been thinking about what you said last night and-“

“TSUM TSUM!!” 

you jump at the loud voice and nickname. you can’t locate the source so you swivel your head. you search for whoever is calling for atsumu while he continues to explain, “so maybe i told my friends that i think they could meet you and we were getting lunch today.”

“bo, come on, you said you’d be chill,” another voice, a different voice, says. 

“and maybe they didn’t even let me explain, just said they would be there and maybe were a bit too enthusiastic about it?” he shrugs.

you spot the source now, the same buff man from the selfie smiling at you wide and waving excessively. you offer a small wave back. 

“me? meet your friends?” you ask, shocked. you obviously were about to meet his friends. they were crossing the lawn as you spoke. 

“i meant it last night, i just didn’t know you wanted to meet them,” atsumu says plainly. “and if it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.” ba-bump. 

you nod, because you’re certain that if you tried to speak, your words would come out jumbled. 

the two men take a seat across from you. the man with black and white hair beams, “it’s so great to meet you finally. we told him, said she’d probably love to meet us, but i think he’s just been embarrassed about us or something.”

“yn, this is bokuto,” atsumu introduces you. 

“and i’m sakusa,” the man with black hair and curly hair says, introducing himself. 

“it’s really great to meet you both,” you offer.

“hinata is going to be so sad he missed this,” bokuto says, “missing out on finally meeting the girl tsum tsum’s been talking about for weeeeeeks.”

“that’s enough,” atsumu says, shaking his head as he uses his free hand to shake it in front of bokuto. 

“bo’s right,” sakusa reasons, “atsumu does talk about you a lot.”

“guys, see, this is exactly why i didn’t want you to meet her, god,” atsumu says, clearly embarrassed, not used to being on defense around you, not like this. 

bokuto and sakusa are just smiling. 

“she deserves to know,” sakusa reasons, gesturing towards you. 

“yea, i deserve to know,” you speak up. there’s a prideful smile on sakusa’s face.

“never letting you guys interact again,” atsumu shakes his head, scrapes his fingers against your hip in a way that almost makes you jump. you can hear the lightness in his voice and when you turn to look at him, you can see the smallest warm smile. 

“so how do you guys know tsumu?” you ask, nickname slipping out just on instinct. 

neither of them tease you for it explicitly, but they do exchange a knowing look. if you were closer to them you could decipher the hidden meaning of she said it. she said the name. 

“volleyball,” bokuto says, “we all met at volleyball. atsumu is our setter. but also now our best bud.”

“yknow, i don’t think i’ve actually ever asked anything about your volleyball stuff,” you say to atsumu, putting your hand on his knee. you’ve always just talked about it vaguely, no real details. 

“but he's the volleyball guy,” sakusa smirks. 

“no-,” atsumu says.

“yeah! that’s what that guy called you? right?” bokuto asks. atsumu is about to interrupt again, a last-ditch plea on his face, but bokuto doesn’t notice or chooses to ignore it, “maki.” your best friend’s name comes out of this stranger’s mouth in a mocking tone and oh my god atsumu talks shit about maki to his teammates/close friends.

there are a million ways you could react to this statement, stammering and stumbling over your words as you land on a sharp laugh. “i- you-,” you can’t stop laughing, “is that? does atsumu-.” you really can’t talk. 

“what?!” atsumu asks as if he has any room to be the one questioning you.

“you just,” tears are forming at the corners of your eyes as you lean into his shoulder, forehead against his jacketless skin, “fuckin- it got to you that badly?” you turn your attention towards bokuto, “is that how he said it?” 

bokuto, ever the betrayer of atsumu, nods his head. 

“quit it,” atsumu says, less shocked and embarrassed now, your laughter infecting him. “that’s how he said it.” there’s a smile behind the words, soft laughter coming along with it. when you don’t stop laughing for another few seconds, and then a few more, atsumu wraps his arms around you, smothering him in his strong arms. “yer being ridiculous.”

you push away from him and in between your fits of simmering down laughter, subsiding for only a few seconds at a time before picking back up again, you catch the smile on sakusa’s face that says so clearly that you can tell without knowing him at all, so this is why he can’t stop talking about you.

once you’ve finally composed yourself, you turn to sakusa and bokuto, “and you guys play?”

“we both play outside hitter,” sakusa explains, looking like he’s about to elaborate a bit further, but atsumu interrupts.

“since i’m the setter, that means that i’m kinda like the brains of the operation.”

“oh, fuck off, miya,” sakusa says, rolling his eyes. 

you laugh, “i know what a setter does.”

“how? we’ve never talked about it?”

“well, no, but i’ve seen maki play plenty of times,” you note, “oikawa’s a setter. maki and iwa play outside hitter. you didn’t know they played too?”

“oh my god, they’re both the volleyball guys,” sakusa comments, leaning back in his seat like he’s just had the biggest epiphany. 

“fuck off, omi,” atsumu sneers and then turns his attention back to you, “you never told me.”

you put your hands up, “i don’t know! i guess it just never came up.”

bokuto reaches out his arm, grabbing your forearm excitedly. “well, one day you’ll have to come watch us play, yn,” he says, smiling brightly at you. 

“i would really love that, actually. tsumu’s never invited me to one of his games before, so,” you say, shrugging. honestly, it had never been a thought on your mind before, a lot of things hadn’t been on your mind before, but now that you’re sitting here with his very fun friends, you really want to be a part of it all. a part of this side of his life, not the one that you’ve created and pulled him into, lunches and tiny meet ups and dragging him to the grocery store and having him babysit your plants, but whatever this is that’s making your chest feel so light. 

“or let you meet us,” sakusa chimes in. 

“yea, for good fuckin’ reason,” atsumu quips back.

“well, consider yourself officially invited to our next game,” bokuto nods, “here, give me your number and we can-.”

“no way,” atsumu interjects. 

you’re already reaching into your bag, pulling out your phone, ready to punch in bokuto’s phone number. 

“i really don’t need you guys to have more ways to talk shit about me,” atsumu says, but there’s no malice in the words. 

“i wasn’t going to talk shit about you, tsum tsum,” bokuto rolls his eyes, offering out his hand for you to drop your phone into. atsumu is skeptical as he lets you give your phone over to bokuto. as soon as his fingers curl around the phone, bokuto finishes his thought, “but there are plenty of cute photos of you that i have that don’t seem very fair for yn not to have.”

atsumu lunges forward to grab the phone out of bokuto’s hand, but bokuto pulls it back quickly. “bokkun, i swear to god,” atsumu says, standing up as best he can while still being inside of the bench. bokuto is already two steps ahead, springing from his seat, nearly hitting sakusa as he does. 

“watch it,” sakusa warns. 

bokuto is gone, running away as he presses buttons on your phone. atsumu is much more careful on his side, makes sure to unravel from you before stepping out of his seat. “i’m not kidding!” despite the head start bokuto acquired, atsumu is already almost on his heels. bokuto is laughing, head thrown back as he messes with your phone. 

sakusa takes this moment of chaos to talk to you directly. his voice pulls you out of this awestruck daze watching atsumu jump on bokuto’s back. “i can see why he talks about you all the time,” sakusa says lowly across the table as bokuto runs in circles with atsumu on his back as if he weighs nothing at all.

you’re feeling a bit more confident at this sentence, a bit more easily yourself, so you let it slip as you turn to face sakusa, joking as you say, “what? i’ve proven how cool i am in this tiny lunch?”

sakusa chuckles, breathy, before nodding affirmingly, “not exactly what i meant, but yes, that too.” he pauses, contemplating if the thing he’s about to say next is pushing a boundary, saying too much, figuring out how to phrase it before it actually comes out of his mouth. “i meant more that i understand why he talks about you all the time.”

you’re quiet, tilting your head curiously. 

he doesn’t let you sit on your thoughts, finishes his sentence right as bokuto and atsumu are running back towards the table, “because he’s really into you.”

you don’t get to respond, interrupted by bokuto hiding on one side of you, finishing whatever he’s doing on his phone before thrusting the phone back into your hands. he sticks his tongue out at atsumu and atsumu narrows his eyes. “atsumu’s just worried that he’s going to fuck up at our game when you’re there.”

this is all so cute, the bantering and the things that bokuto is saying, but you have so many fucking questions. you want them to run back over there for hours so that you can have a long, in-depth conversation with sakusa about what exactly he fucking means. 

you don’t want to seem unresponsive or like you can’t keep up, so you reply, “maybe i’ll bring maki along and he can show off like he always does.” you almost regret it, but sakusa and bokuto start laughing just like you were laughing earlier and bokuto is slamming his fist on the table and atsumu doesn’t look hurt at all, he looks amiable. 

you turn your head towards atsumu, the laughter allowing you cover to speak just for him, “or i’ll just go and cheer you on. if you’ll have me there.” atsumu gives you a short, affectionate nod. 

sakusa and bokuto leave about a half hour (that’s spent mostly making fun of atsumu the entire time) after that, saying that they’ll see you again soon, they’re sure, and waving as they leave. as soon as they’re out of earshot, atsumu lets out a huge breath. 

“i told you,” he says, shaking his head, body finally relaxed in a way that makes you realized he was tense the entire time. “i told you that they were fucking weird.”

“they’re not weird, they’re sweet,” you say back. there is a certain peacefulness now that you assume only exists because of the huge absence of noise. it’s not better, just more familiar. you slot your fingers into atsumu’s, holding onto his forearm with your other hand. 

“yea, if you’re not on the other side of all of their bullshit,” atsumu shakes his head. 

“maybe if you didn’t talk about me so much,” you tease.

“don’t let it go to your head,” he says, lifting his arm that you don’t have a hold of and tapping on your forehead. you press your forehead into him, laughing. 

the two of you sit together for another few hours, pulling work out of your bags that neither of you really focus on. you mostly spend the time cracking jokes at the other’s expense or for the other to laugh at and finding new ways to get tangled into each other on a picnic table bench until it’s time to leave.

“i’ll see you sometime tomorrow, yeah?” you ask, moving around school work and responsibilities and seeing maki in your head to make room for atsumu in your day.

he leans forward, presses the quickest, smallest kiss into the side of your cheek, “obviously.” as he leaves, the warmth stays, on your cheek and down your chest, through your fingers and toes. partially because of the kiss, sure, but mostly because of the hoodie he’s entrusted in your care. 

/++/

you are both so excited for and dreading your night alone.  you are excited because it’s been awhile since you’ve just had some time in your room by yourself. you are welcoming the extra time to catch up on assignments and take a shower and not do anything else that requires thinking. 

you are, however, despite all of this, mostly filled with dread. saturday night is a staple miya atsumu hookup night. last week it was fine, the week before that, sure, whatever, but after last night, the thought of atsumu hooking up with some random girl that he found out at a party is bringing back a familiarly upset stomach. if you hadn’t had spent the night last night as you did, a taboo listening session might even have been in the stars tonight, would have been maybe really welcomed. 

but now you’ve slept in his bed. you’ve been in his arms. you’ve been on the other side of the wall. there are memories attached to this vision of him now. when you close your eyes, you can see his room so clearly. if you had to think about them in his bed, the one that you felt safe cuddled next to him in, the one where he told you about all of his childhood friends, if you had to think of her on his pillow instead of you? 

you take a deep breath, closing your eyes. you will have a great night all by yourself even if that means sleeping on the farside of your room and using your noise canceling headphones at full volume.

the later it gets into the night, the more antsy you’re getting. hours are ticking by and you have never been this productive in your life, assignment after assignment finished just to stop yourself from thinking for longer than a few seconds. you won’t have to worry about school work for the next few weeks. 

it’s nearly 1 am by the time that you’ve finished all of the work that you possibly can, which, in hindsight, was such a horrible idea. finishing all of your work before the 1-3 am time of the night? 

well, maybe if you’re just not in your room when he gets back, you can just put your headphones on and not have to think about it at all tonight. you grab a change of clothes, your towel, all of your bathroom essentials, and make your way to dorm showers at the other end of the hall. 

your shower takes much longer than it should because you make sure that it does, but somewhere along the way you must have pissed someone off, something from your past must be coming back to haunt you because instead of timing it perfectly to miss him completely, you’ve timed it perfectly to catch him completely. 

he’s all dressed up, hair perfectly done in a way that begs to be messed up, stupidly cute outfit, something plain but looks insanely good on him, enough cologne to fill the entire hallway, and, only when he sees you walking down the hallway, a huge smile on his face. 

you feel extremely underdressed, walking up to him. partially on account of the fact that you are wearing a huge tshirt, underwear, and absolutely nothing else. you don’t know if he’s already been drinking, if he doesn’t notice, or if he doesn’t care, but his eyes follow down your body slowly. 

every single moment in your life has happened because of a culmination of things; this is just a fact. everything that has happened in your life up until this moment has built up to this moment, that’s how living works. you knew this. 

but god you wish you could see a chart, could zoom in on every single point that had a hand in this moment and alter them in some sort of way that wouldn’t have caused you to say what comes out of your mouth. 

you look down at your phone screen, checking the time. “woah, you hung out with me on friday and no company tonight?” you ask as you step around him and in front of your door. why would you say that. 

you know why, vaguely, not completely. you’re not completely sure why you chose to essentially divulge the biggest secret you’re harbored of your entire college career in one sentence, but you know that it had something to do with how flustered you were in that moment, how good atsumu looks in front of you, and maybe the fact that it’s all you’ve been able to think about tonight.

it slips out, really, no barrier of judgment. you guys have been friends for too long. the quips and the teasing come so naturally now that you can’t help it. 

this is the first time that you’re admitting this to him. your heart is pounding as you wait for him to respond. he’s not responding quick enough. you hope that he just doesn’t clock it, doesn’t understand the implications of the joke.

he furrows his eyebrows together, stopping completely, “what?”

your body is burning. how do you backtrack from this. where do you go from here.

when you don’t answer immediately, his mind starts filling in the blanks, and he starts asking more questions, “company?”

“yea, like,” you clear your throat, shifting your towel under your arm, “y’know saturday nights and company.”

he turns to face you completely and you feel like this is your first time meeting him. you feel small, tiny, chest aching because of the violence of your heart. even more so when you see the embarrassment creeping onto his face. “how would you know if i have company?”

this is it. the fucking moment. it’s been over 4 months. the two of you have lived next to each other for nearly an entire semester. you went 2 months without even knowing him, 1 month with fixing all of your previously conceived notions, and this past month falling for him and it’s all about to go crashing down because of a stupid joke you’ve made. 

“you weren’t exactly subtle about it,” you answer and you’re amazed at how your voice is actually audible. 

a lot of things click for atsumu in that moment, you can see it on his face. 

“you heard that?” he asks, quietly stunned.

“all of it,” you answer.

it’s quiet for a moment. you can’t even hear the hum of the lights or the beat of your own heart as you wait for his reaction to the admission. 

“fuck,” atsumu says, palm smoothing over his face, “god, i can’t recover from that at all can i? holy shit.” he doesn’t ask why you didn’t tell him. he doesn’t look put off or uncomfortable. “holy shit. okay. well, fuck.”

you’re about to apologize when he shakes his head, fingers pushing through his hair. you can’t exactly read whatever emotion is there, maybe panic? you can’t get a good read because it’s gone soon thereafter. 

“no,” he says slowly, “i don’t have company tonight. was going to go out and drink with some friends, but i left my ID in my room.” he gestures to the keys in his hand, knuckles white around them. “you still alone this weekend?”

you nod, not really knowing what to do, where to go from here still. he’s not being weird. he’s trying to resume conversation with you, but something feels off. you want to say, “yea, i said i’d be alone all weekend, don’t you listen?” but any joke that comes to you feels too harsh, too out of place, terrified that it’ll end up an admission of something else.

“do you want-,” he begins to ask, but you shake your head so hard that you’re convinced you shake water droplets out of your hair and onto him. 

“no, no, are you kidding? i look like this,” you gesture down.

atsumu looks like he’s about to say something, but nothing comes out. fuck. you’ve really ruined things now. 

“go out with your friends,” you say, nodding your head down to the elevators. 

“we don’t have to go out,” atsumu adds.

“i’m not keeping you in on the weekend again,” you say, shifting your weight. “seriously, i’m okay alone tonight, you go on out.”

“do you want to drink?” he asks, persistent as always.

“tsumu, i told you, i’m not going out tonight,” you say. the nickname is muscle memory at this point and you’re glad that at least you have some sort of remnants of a few minutes ago. 

“just, here, we can drink here,” he gestures to his dorm room. you feel like a fucking freshman again. “if you don’t want to drink, that’s cool. i just-” he hesitates. it looks more difficult than it ever has, but he steps towards you and brushes a strand of hair out of your face. “it feels weird for the first time between us and i don’t think i can leave if you’re not feeling okay,” he finishes, overly attentive and completely different than you ever expected him to be, and you feel so horrible.

“tsumu-,” you start, but he isn’t having any of it.

“i’m serious.”

“one drink,” you say, “and then you go out with your friends.”

/++/

the thing about one drink is that nobody really has one drink. 

or, rather, you do at first and then you have another because the guy that you’re really into is in front of you, telling joke after joke trying to make you feel better about your relationship because you’ve just admitted that you’ve heard him having sex all semester.

and unfortunately for you and your self-deprecation, the guy that you’re really into is really good at making you feel better, not just with jokes and compliments, but with soft touches and genuine smiles. 

“i can’t believe you’re staying in with me when you look like that,” you say, shaking your head. you didn’t even have time to change, are still in the same post-shower outfit that you were before. 

“come on, you look better than i do,” he says, shaking his head, taking a sip of his drink and gesturing to you with his cup.

you’re sitting on his floor because the bed was a bit much after the painful conversation you had in the hallway. he’s sitting in front of you, back against his desk, as he sets his drink on the floor beside him. you let yourself flush, accept his compliment if only to fasttrack back to how it felt between the two of you before. 

the thing about more than one drink is that nobody really chooses a stopping point, not when the awkwardness has faded and the guy that you’re really into continues to stay the night with you. and definitely not when said guy has taken root next to you, pressed up against you completely. 

“fuck,” he shakes his head out of nowhere. he doesn’t even give you an opportunity to ask what, just repeats himself, louder, “fuck.”

“what?” you ask, turning to look at him, but not moving a single inch away from him.

“i can’t believe you heard all of that,” he says, shaking his head against the side of the bed. he laughs lightly, unbelievably. “that’s really just so embarrassing.”

for the first time tonight, at the mere mention of it, you don’t want to crawl into your room and cry. you’re not sure what exactly it is (it’s the alcohol), but you laugh with him, light at first, and then growing until you’re shaking your head. it is actually kinda funny. 

“it was funny at first, honestly,” you tell him, “i was like oh my god?? and then it progressively got, yknow, not as funny when i had morning classes and exams.”

“is that why we didn’t meet for the first two months of living next to each other?” he asks, turning his head to look at you. and he does, look at you, stares into your eyes with the amount of focus that someone as drunk as the two of you should not have been able to do.

“not really, more like a gift from god,” you say.

“hey,” he whines.

“yea, that night we met i was coming back from maki’s because i couldn’t take it anymore,” you admit to him. you can see the embarrassment settle in even heavier than before, a remorse coming alongside it. after all this time, you really didn’t mean for him to feel bad about it. “you don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“i mean, that’s so- i can’t believe-,” he stammers. you’re not used to seeing him like this and you understand why he had to have at least one drink with you before going out, because right now atsumu is feeling exactly how you felt out in the hallway and all you want to do is fix that.

even if it is at your own expense. 

“it’s fine, really, it’s fine,” you say, “it was funny at first, and then annoying, but i mean, eventually-” don’t you fucking dare “eventually it was good for me too.” stop fucking talking.

now he looks really confused and if you don’t explain no fucking stop he’s going to be even more weirded out. 

“well, i just mean, like,” you shrug, “like eventually i started to enjoy it.” shut the fuck up. 

he chooses his next words carefully, or as carefully as he can when the room is slightly moving. “like how?”

don’t say a fucking word. “like listening,” you admit. even in your drunken state, your stomach does flips. 

his face still has tiny elements of confusion, but most of it morphs into something much needier than that. “to me?”

you nod, movements barely noticeable but they’re making your head spin. the air is still, room quiet save for both of your quickened breathing. then, the only thing you can see is his hand, moving so slowly that you assume he’s afraid he’ll scare you off. he reaches across you, cups your cheek and pulls you to face him. when you’re looking at him, he doesn’t move his hand. 

he leans in towards you and you don’t know if it’s the alcohol in your body or the fact that an hour ago you were terrified that you would never be able to be in this room again, but you lean forward to meet him. he stops, just shy of your lips, talking so low that you can feel the vibrations against your lips. “and doing what?” he asks.

the whimper comes from your throat, lips tightly shut so it doesn’t have a chance to escape you. you lean forward further, pressing your forehead against his as his hand slides down your cheek to your jaw, fingers spanning your neck, curling softly so that his nails drag against your sensitive skin. you can feel it in your entire body. 

he lowers his head, nudges your chin with his nose, pushing your head further into his hand, exposing your neck. “can i?” he asks, breath tickling as he speaks. you’re not sure if he realistically thought you would deny him right now of anything that he wanted, really. you nod softly, not wanting to break out of his grasp.

the first thing that you feel are his teeth, scraping against the softness of your neck. and then you feel his lips closing around the skin. you close your eyes, no point in keeping your eyes trained on the ceiling, anyway. atsumu licks a strip up your neck before moving down again. he uses his free hand to pull at the neckline of your shirt, exposing your collarbones. he wraps his lips around the bone, sucking repetitively until you’re positive that there’s purplish marks wherever he picks his head up from.

his moves his hand from your jaw, trust you to keep the position that he’s moved you into, and you do. he rewards you for this, both hands smoothing down your body, following your curves, digging into them as he pleases, latheing his tongue over the same spots on your neck and chest. 

“tsumu,” you whine, not really sure for what, but just for more. his hands are on your thighs now, his fingernails pressing harshly into the fats of them before sliding upwards underneath the hem of your shirt. he can feel your skin in his hands now, can’t get enough of it as he moves his hands everywhere and anywhere he can. 

when he gets to your chest, takes both of your perfectly soft tits into his hand, you hear him stifle a grunt. he moves one hand quickly, grabbing at your hip, sliding down from your waist, pulling you towards him, facing towards him so that he can feel you again, so that he can play with your tits better. his touch is harsher this time, more desperate, more purposeful as he goes straight for your tits, no longer ghosting over your skin, but aching for your heavy tits to be in his hands. 

god, he can only imagine what they fucking look like all pretty and bouncing for him. fuck he needs to see them.

he pulls away from you, sits up from against the bed, moves in front of you. he’s on his knees, towering above you in your seated position. you’re looking up into his eyes, whimpers falling from your quivering lips. he cups your face again. you’re ready. you’re completely ready to recall every little thing that you have heard over the past month. you know atsumu, you know exactly what he likes, and you’re going to blow his fucking mind. 

knock knock knock.

just before his lips can touch yours, there’s a pounding knock on his door. 

“no fucking way,” atsumu says under his breath. 

“miya atsumu, get your ass out here now or i’m breaking down the fucking door.” knock knock knock knock knock knock. it's almost scary until you hear laughter from the hallway, snickering at first and then boisterous. 

“come on, i don’t even interrupt,” you say to atsumu, looking towards the door. 

knock knock knock knock knock knock. “we know you’re in there.”

“they’re not going to leave it alone until i answer,” he says, defeated, “i have to answer and then- then i’ll be right back and-.”

“atsumu, you have 10 seconds and i’m gonna start ramming,” the voice says.

atsumu scurries up from the floor, walking quickly over to the door as you adjust yourself, smoothing out your oversized tshirt and patting your hair. “what?” he hisses as he cracks the door open. the person on the other side of the door pushes it open completely. 

“we’re going out,” one voice says.

“another night,” atsumu says, the door already closing.

“i’m not leaving without you,” another voice replies, not pushing the door back open. 

“and i’m not leaving,” atsumu says, and you can tell he’s getting impatient now. 

from your spot on the floor, you recognize one of them as a guy from one of the photos. dark hair, carefree attitude. suna? you can’t remember exactly if you’ve gotten the name right. you’re surprised that you’ve even noticed the person at all. you don’t recognize any of the other two guys that are with him.

one of them, not suna, makes eye contact with you for the tiniest fraction of a second, “you literally have any other day to hookup with some chick.” you wonder if he thinks they’re being quiet. your cheeks burn. you want to be back in your room now. 

“it’s not like that,” ba-bump, he says, trying to quiet them a bit or at least just bringing his own volume down. 

“doesn’t matter,” one of them says.

“i didn’t want to spoil it, but,” suna says, “samu’s here.”

atsumu gets quiet for a second, really mulling over the weight of everything that’s happening, at the two sides that are pulling him in different directions. “samu’s here?”

“yeah, he was supposed to be here earlier, but his train got in super late and so he just got here and he wants to go out because it’s a saturday night. it was supposed to be a surprise or whatever, but you’re not listening to me, your best friend, and just leaving now. so that’s what you get,” suna spews.

“but i-,” atsumu says, instinctively looking back towards you. the look that you’re wearing almost makes him stay. “fuck.” he slams the door on the trio of guys and you are so grateful. you finally feel like you can breathe, can relax just the tiniest bit. he walks back over to you. “i’ve gotta-.”

you push yourself up from off of the ground, stumbling a little bit as atsumu helps you back onto your feet. “you don’t have to explain yourself, tsumu, go hang out with your friends.”

“if samu wasn’t here, i wouldn’t-.”

“i know,” you say. and it’s the truth. you 100% fully believe him with all of your heart. 

“you could go out with us,” he offers.

you’re not sure that you could handle being referred to as some chick all night or atsumu’s side piece or looked at like you’d never be looked at again. you weren’t ready for a miya atsumu night out and definitely not when you’re already feeling it as much as you are. you shake your head. “you go and have fun, see your brother.”

he looks so torn, so frantic as he tries to think out the rest of his night, how to get drunk you back to your dorm without having to expose you to the people in the hallway. “i’m probably going to stay with rin and samu tonight anyway. do you want to just stay here and maybe,” he hesitates, the knocking starts again, “you can meet my brother in the morning?”

“really?” you ask. 

knock knock knock knock. “it’s literally so getting so fucking late. hurry your ass up.”

atsumu helps you into his bed in not exactly the way he wanted to help you into bed tonight. “yes,” he answers, pulling the blankets over you, the softness of them so familiar. “and samu will love you and you will love him unfortunately.” atsumu reaches down and kisses your cheek. somehow it has you more flustered than anything that’s happened tonight. “tomorrow, okay?”

you nod. 

he moves quickly after he’s noticed how content you are, throwing on his shoes, grabbing his ID from his desk, muttering under his breath things that you’re not sure are meant for you. fucking kidding me now? gonna beat the shit out of him for fucking i can’t fucking. 

“goodnight, yn,” he says, reaching for the door, but not opening until you’ve said it back.

“goodnight, tsumu.”

you hear a click of the door, your eyes closing softly. and then you hear the voices. 

“you’re seriously leaving her in there?”

“guys- seriously,” atsumu says, trying to stop the questions about what was happening in the room before they showed up.

“why’re you leavin’ a one night stand in your-”

“i said it wasn’t fucking like that. leave it,” atsumu says through gritted teeth. you hear the lock click.

“no fucking way. that was fucking her wasnt it?” suna asks.

“stop, she can fucking hear you, the walls are thin,” atsumu snaps. 

you listen for the footsteps as they get quieter and quieter until you can’t hear any at all. you know you should be tired. you are tired, but you’re also in atsumu’s bed all alone. your eyelids are heavy and your breathing is slow and-

you reach your hand down between your legs. 

with the scenes that are playing in your mind, you’re almost sure you could make yourself come with one tiny finger. you spread your lips apart with two fingers, sliding your middle finger down your drenched slit. you push the tip of your finger against your hole, head tilting back messily into his pillow. 

he barely did anything to you at all, felt you up and kissed your neck, and you are soaking wet. your mind won’t stop wandering at where the night could have taken you if you weren’t interrupted. how deep he would be inside of you right now if you hadn’t been interrupted. at that thought, you plunge your fingers inside of you, moaning at how good they feel, but they’re not enough.

you’re missing your dildo, your fingers can’t reach deep enough, not even as you shove another finger in and circle your hips on them. you make the mistake of kneading at your tit, but it only leaves you missing the feeling of his huge hands grabbing at them. you’re feeling so fucking needy. it’s not enough that you’re doing this in his bed, you need to be doing it for him. you roll your hips against your fingers.

your clit rubs against the rough texture of the blanket and you almost come on the spot. “fuck,” you say aloud. you take your other hand on the outside of the blanket and push the fabric in between your legs, circling your hips against it. “mm fuck, tsumu.”

the blanket feels so good against you. he’s slept underneath these blankets, has probably jacked off to the thought of you underneath these blankets “fuck!” you say louder. you know exactly how loud you’re being, but you also know that no one that you care about is around to hear them. 

your hands search around the bed. you don’t have time to feel any regret. it feels so good, you’re chasing this high, so fucking close. your skin feels like it’s crawling, aching. you fucking need this. you throw the blanket off of you, take your panties off and throw them across the room somewhere that you’re sure you will regret when you have to get them in the morning, but you need to feel it completely against your swollen lips and pretty clit. 

you take the pillow that’s underneath your head and shove it between your legs. you press down on the soft pillow as hard as you can to get as much friction as you can as you fuck your clit into fabric that smells so fucking much like atsumu. you’re drenched, sloppy against his pillow but you can’t stop. your fingers grip into the cushion, his name falling off of your tongue like an unheard prayer. 

“please, so close, so close,” you say, thrusting your hips against the pillowcase faster. you’re going to come. you’re going to fucking come on the pillow that he’s going to sleep on. “oh my fucking god,” you cry and you let yourself go, flooding as you come against his pillow. you can feel the mess that you’ve made smearing against the textured fabric.you can’t move. your bones feel like they’ve been replaced with bricks, but you need to see it. you pull the pillow up, your eyes instantly drawn to the large wet spot right in the center. fuck. you throb, so painfully empty. “fuck,” you mutter to yourself and put the pillow back between your legs, “not enough.”

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[stardustprompts]

vicious  -  v.e. schwab  sentence starters change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying  tw :  death , murder , suicide , religious idealization , language , mental health

‘vandalizing school property again?’

everything stars with belief. with faith.’

‘fine, yeah, it’s stupid, right? you caught me.’

‘I don’t think you’re a bad person.’

‘it’s all a matter of perspective.’

‘did you know that when you take away a person’s fear of pain, you take away their fear of death? you make them, in their own eyes, immortal.’

‘someone tried to kill me.’

‘why would someone try to kill you?’

‘you asked me if I ever wanted to believe in something. I do. I want to believe in this.’

‘I want to believe that there’s more. that we could be more.’

‘nothing you ever do, (name), is meant to be theoretical. I see it in you.’

‘I think you’ve had enough.’

‘i’ll go first.’

‘actually, I’m feeling fine. better than. I feel wonderful. I feel like roses and sunshine and glitter.’

‘you need to live through this. you need to.’

‘my hero. now fuck off.’

‘you can’t do this alone. so promise me you won’t.’

‘have you lost your mind?’

‘we can get you help.’

‘this is crazy. you’re crazy.’

‘I want you to know that I will never, ever forgive you for this.’

‘did you love her? or are you just mad I took something back?’

‘I didn’t rat you out, you know. I could have.’

‘I don’t know who you are but you’re not (name). you’re something that’s crawled in his skin. a devil wearing him.’

‘something’s wrong, missing, gone. can’t you feel it? I can.’

‘admit it, you feel different, too. death takes something with it. what did it take from you?’

‘no one is going to hurt you, you know why? because I’ll hurt them first.’

‘would that be so bad? to create something extraordinary?’

‘all these roads lead to ruin.’

‘I died begging for the strength to survive and it was granted. but it’s a trade.’

‘it’s a trade, with god or the devil, and I’ve paid for my gift with the lives of my friends.’

‘i’m dangerous. I shouldn’t exist. but what gives you the right to kill me?’

‘everything about you is chock full of self - loathing. i’m not judging. I know the feeling.’

‘you know, maybe I should let you kill me.’

‘you’re right. even though we come back, something stays dead. lost. we forget something of who we are.’

‘it’s scary and wonderful and monstrous.’

‘you’re the hero … of your own story.’

‘what gives you the right to play judge and jury and executioner?’

‘want me to kiss it? will that make it better?’

‘I know you. I see you.’

‘I don’t want to be forgotten,’

‘tell you what. you remember me, and I’ll remember you, and that way we won’t be forgotten.’

‘that’s shit logic.’

‘you make cheating death sound so simple.’

‘being afraid and being unwilling are two different things.’

‘I don’t think you want to die.’

‘the world resists, when you break its rules.’

‘I see you’re still alive then. good choice.’

‘if u didn’t know better, i’d think you care.’

‘you think I’m wrong somehow. broken.’

‘I think we’re all broken.’

‘you can’t fix the dead, (name). and besides, it’s not your place to try.’

‘it’s not your place to control people’s lives.’

‘who taught you to sing so loud? the (name) I knew could barely chirp.’

‘I need you to be brave. I need you to be strong.’

‘there are worse ways to die. and worse things to do than die.’

‘I promise I’ll make it quick.’

‘there was a monster in there, long before you died.’

[rubinaitoart]

I would love any crumbs of anything you're writing rn /nf /gen

(I keep seeing you go insane so thought I would see what you are interested in :3)

“I keep seeing you go insane” HAH yeah it’s even worse on discord lmao

The current WIP I have is based completely on spite. That’s it. I absolutely hated how the Lamia episode ended because. BECAUSE. BECAUSE.

You’re telling me after they kill the Lamia, everything is back to normal and perfectly fine between everyone. You’re telling me Merlin was actively threatened by some of the people he trusted the most, to the point he actually started COWERING a little when they got mad at him, and he walked out of that without even a little bit of emotional distress? A smidgeon of trauma? You’re telling me none of the knights apologized to him or to Guinevere, because even though it’s not their fault every single one of them would have still felt some form of guilt over scaring them like that, you’re TELLING ME—

^^^ Live footage of Rubin being carried off before he starts yelling even more /lh ^^^

It made me so MAD that it got wrapped up with everyone in good spirits and Arthur making fun of Merlin for being saved by a girl, and everything was fine and happy and ARGHHHH.

So yeah I started writing a fic to expand on what I feel should’ve happened after that episode I guess? Except make it a Merthur AU where they’ve been dancing around their feelings for all four seasons up until this point.

I’ve been going back and forth on this draft for a bit, so there’s a good chance whatever I end up publishing to AO3 will look COMPLETELY different. It’s also very clunky and not well edited but I figure that��s a given right now lol. Both options start the same before splitting into two different drafts, currently labeled D1 and D2 respectively.

I’ll dump a few snippets below the cut since this is already looking like a long post. Everything so far is in Arthur’s POV.

From the shared start: Set when Arthur shows up just in time to rescue Guinevere and Merlin from the Lamia.

A few seconds of silence stretched out before Arthur jerked forward and rushed to Merlin’s side.

“Better late than never.” Merlin groaned, but that stupid, goofy grin that Arthur loved more than he’d ever admit was plastered all over that smug face of his. “What took you so long?”

“You’re welcome.” Arthur said pointedly. Guinevere moved to help Merlin sit up, and the king didn’t miss the way his servant’s face twisted into a pained grimace, or how his hand quickly grabbed at his side. It hurt to see Merlin in any kind of pain, a dull ache in his chest that was somehow worse than anything Arthur had suffered in the past. “Are you hurt?”

“A little bruised, maybe.” Merlin leaned heavily against Guinevere. “Better off than everyone else though.” He added quickly, and Arthur’s eyes narrowed slightly.

“Do you know where they are?” The king wanted to ask an entirely different question, but their objective held priority. They were safe, the lamia was dead, and the others were still missing.

“Elyan isn’t far.” Guinevere loosened her hold on Merlin—reluctantly, Arthur noted—and moved him to lean against a pillar. “I’m not entirely sure about the others.”

Arthur straightened up, gesturing for one of the knights. “Bevan, help Merlin outside. Cecil, with me.” He ordered. The king glanced towards his servant once again briefly before he extended his hand to Guinevere and helped her to her feet. “Lead the way.”

From the corner of his eye, he could see Bevan gathering Merlin up into his arms and hefting him up into the air. The man made a soft, pained sound in the back of his throat that was horribly loud to Arthur’s ears. Carefully with him, or I’ll have you in the stocks lingered on the tip of his tongue, but he bit back his words and turned to follow Guinevere. Bevan’s receding footsteps faded, and they pressed onward.

“He’ll be alright.” Guinevere murmured to him. She reached over to lightly squeeze his arm, a small comfort for the moment.

“Mm, he better be.” Arthur said quietly in reply. “He’s a good friend, I’d hate to lose him.” They ducked under a fallen beam, and Arthur lapsed into a contemplative quiet. Merlin was so much more than just a friend to Arthur, something he’d struggled to admit to himself for a long time. What he was, however, was just out of reach.

So in typical fashion the king did what he always did best—try his damndest to ignore what he felt, because it could never come to be.

From D1, which is set as everyone leaves Longstead. Merlin is preparing Arthur’s horse before they leave despite still recovering from his injuries, man is just insisting on staying busy.

The king watched Merlin from afar as the servant busied himself with tacking up Arthur’s steed. He couldn’t look away, even if he wanted to.

Slightly curled raven locks and pale cheeks dappled with sunlight, Merlin’s brow furrowed slightly in concentration. His slender, pale hands deftly checked the leather straps, and his fingers occasionally strayed away to brush against the stallion’s ebony coat. A faint smile finally appeared in its truest and most genuine form as the horse turned its head to bump its nose gently against Merlin’s shoulder with a soft nicker. Arthur watched as Merlin finished securing the saddle and turned to gently take the horse’s face in his hands, rubbing his palm up and down the side of its head in slow, soothing strokes. Beautiful, he couldn’t help but think. That traitorous feeling of longing welled up in his chest and Arthur found himself tempted across the small clearing to join the servant.

Almost immediately, the longing was replaced with guilt and a hefty dose of self-loathing. Merlin was in no small amount of distress, and here he was practically ogling at the man. He turned away before Merlin could catch him staring and searched the clearing for something he could busy himself with, and hopefully rid himself of the shame that had overtaken the king.

From D2, which is set directly after Arthur, Merlin, Guinevere, and the knights return to the village so Gaius can treat them: Gaius and Guinevere are busy with the knights, so Arthur takes it upon himself (as any good king no would do, of course) to try and tend to Merlin’s wounds himself. The best he can do is clean the gash on Merlin’s forehead, but he’s trying his best okay?

Far and few between were times that Arthur Pendragon found himself worried about his manservant. Merlin was an odd man, clumsy and strange at the best of times, prone to bouts of misfortune that he’d somehow miraculously overcome. Injuries were as rare as sickness, and he was right there at Arthur’s side day after day. Yet here he was, sleeves rolled up and a damp cloth in hand as he worried over Merlin. Thankfully the only ones around to see it were Gaius and Guinevere—the knights were still unconscious, and the physician and seamstress were busy tending to them.

It was just Arthur and Merlin, tucked away in the corner of the little hovel they were using as an infirmary.

“This feels backwards.” His servant muttered, wincing as Arthur lightly pressed the cloth to his forehead. Blood soaked into it quickly, weeping from a shallow cut on the side of his face that looked far worse than it actually was—head wounds were funny like that. And yet after all these years, after countless battles where he’d seen wounds worse than this over and over, seeing Merlin bloodied and bruised always made his heart lurch. It was so wrong.

“It does, doesn’t it?” Arthur mused, pulling the cloth back to inspect the injury. There wasn’t exactly much he could do other than try to stem the blood flow and clean away any dirt and debris until Gaius could take a proper look at it, but it was something.

He could feel Merlin’s eyes boring into him. “You’ll live, unfortunately.” Arthur added after a moment, flashing his teeth at the servant in a brief grin.

“Unfortunately for me, yes.” Merlin sank back against the cot. “I’ll be back to cleaning your stinking socks within the next few days.” His eyes remained affixed to Arthur, half-lidded and tired, and for the briefest of moments his face betrayed him to his king. Something heavy weighed on him, his gaze reflecting the burden of Atlas; then Arthur blinked, and it was like it hadn’t even been there in the first place.

What a strange thing to see on Merlin’s face.

[notroosterbradshaw]

The Relationship Experience - six

part of: The Boyfriend Experience universe

five.

A week or so later, after shopping for dresses for Harvard’s wedding in the city, you and Natasha decided to ditch the boys at the bar and go do something a little more highbrow, dining at one of the new restaurants in town. Some wine, catch up on all the gossip. Or Natasha prodding you about Rooster until there was nothing left to spill.

Rooster was understanding, even pleased you were going out without him. You’d been living in each other’s pockets, and it was great, really great, but you still needed your own time just as much as he did.

Rooster 🐓: Have a great time. See you when you get home. I miss you.

You: Miss you too, baby. See you in a few hours xxx

Rooster 🐓: Love you xx

Breathing through your nose, you put the phone back on the table, tapping it gently.

“Rooster?” Natasha figured as the main was placed in front of you both. It looked so good but seemed like ages since you’d been out, preferring quiet nights these days.

“He told me he loves me,” you spat out before you could imagine eating the feast before you.

“Via text?” Natasha screwed her nose up, putting some food on her plate. “Gross, Bradshaw.”

“No, no,” you laughed quietly.

Flicking her eyes at you, Natasha stopped mid-chew. “When?”

“Last week when he left in the morning, he said, ‘I love you’,” you poorly mimicked his deep rasp. “And just then…” you showed her the text.

“He loves you,” she agreed, resuming her chewing. She gently pointed her steak knife at you. “And you love…”

“I am so in love with him,” you admitted, the words leaving your mouth freely. The first time you’d dared say it out loud. Only it wasn’t to Rooster.

She kicked her feet and pounded on the table excitedly.

“Natasha, please,” you hissed. You were mortified and waved kindly at those shooting you looks at the disruption.

“What did he say when you said it back?” she demanded.

“I…” you sipped your wine, your throat constricted.

“No…” she put her head in her hands, muttering your name. “You said it back, right?”

“I freaked out,” you said dismally.

“You didn’t say it back,” she realised, her tone dry. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you?”

“Well, at first, I thought it must have been a slip of the tongue,” you told her simply - no one was going to believe that, the look she gave you told you as much. “He said it as he was leaving, he didn’t say it to me directly.”

“Who’d he say it to then?” she challenged.

You sighed, putting your head in your hands. “Of course he said it to me. Who else was he going to say it to?”

“How are three words a slip?” she continued. She sighed, gently placing her cutlery back on the plate and moving it forward although it was still piled with food. “Listen to me now, listen to me good.”

And you now understood why every member of the team was absolutely petrified of Natasha Trace. She was cold as ice, and now you could say you’d witnessed it.

“That man is in love with you. I’m one of the lucky ones who has seen you two together and I have never seen him so happy. Genuinely, crazy happy. He is a good guy, a great guy who doesn’t need to be dicked around but he’s messed up. I know it’s so fucking scary, but Bradley Bradshaw is not going to be the man that breaks your heart. You will destroy him unless you realise what is standing right in front of you, adoring you, loving you. Probably wanting to marry you and be the father to your kids. I have never, ever seen him fall like this.”

She was hauntingly right. She knew Bradley better than you and knew this wasn’t a passing fling. Rooster was all in. But so were you, so why were three little words threatening to change everything?

“I’ve seen him infatuated; I have seen him think that he’s on to a winner. But never the way when he looks at you, holds you, kisses you. Watches you talk, or leave a room. Please don’t make me tell you that you will not find another man like him. He’s the real deal, and if you can’t see how much he loves you, darling… you will lose him,” she took a decisive sip of her wine and brought her plate back towards herself, tucking in again. “Guys like him don’t come by every day.”

It was like a slap in the face. Of course you were in love with him. You had known it for weeks, the words just failing you. And he deserved to hear them because you weren’t just in love with him. He was your future.

He was your everything.

Sitting in your car after dinner, you collected yourself. Rooster’s car wasn’t parked in the lot, so he was either still at the bar or decided to sleep on base.

He hadn’t slept on base a single night since you’d started sleeping together. 

You went inside and paced a moment before grabbing your phone and dialling his number. He answered, it was loud behind him. Penny’s. “Hi swee – Hey,” he corrected himself.

You stifled a giggle. You rarely spoke on the phone, but it was cute how he greeted you when his friends were around. “Sorry, I know you’re out.”

“That’s okay,” he said. “Lemme head outside.” The residual sound was muffled so you assumed he covered the receiver as he made his way to the beach. “I’m back,” he said, the noise less abrupt. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight.”

“Yeah, of course I am. I was just gonna finish this beer,” he said, softly. “But only if you want me to.”

"Of course I do,” you said, failing to hide the edge of desperation in your voice. You were so angry you’d let things escalate like this, but you didn’t need to take it out on him. “Sorry,” you added softly. “I just really want to see you.”

“Me too. But are you sure everything is okay? I can leave now,” though he didn’t really sound too excited. You didn’t blame him.

“No, don’t rush back. I’m okay, I just need to talk to you about something,” you told him. He stayed silent. “It’s not bad,” you reassured him but if you were on the other end of this phone call, you’d 100% think something was wrong.

“It’s never good to hear someone wants to talk to you, sweet girl. Sounds serious.”

“It is,” you admitted. “A bit.”

“I’ll leave now. I’ll be there soon, okay?” he said, softly.

“Okay, bye.”

He hung up. You couldn’t have made that sound worse if you tried. Okay, you realised with yourself. You were so out of sorts. 

“It’s three words,” you reminded yourself. “You know you love him. Be fair and tell him.”

Rooster wandered in 15, 20 minutes later and although you tried to appease him, he looked a little edgy as he put his glasses, phone and keys on the kitchen bench in a quiet clatter. “You wanted to talk...” he said but didn’t approach to kiss you. That stung. It stung you more because you’d fucked up. You’d fucked it all up. This was only on you, and you could only imagine the eggshells he felt he was walking on just to talk.

“Hi,” you said. He could feel your apprehension and didn’t feel any better about whatever you needed to say. God, he looked so good. Just his jeans and a casual white V-neck shirt, hair a little mussed. Why did he need to be so good-looking? “Did you have a good night?”

He gave a slight shrug. “I guess.”

“I missed you.”

He kind of relaxed, but the distance between you didn’t give him much hope. “I missed you too.”

“I’m an asshole.”

He frowned, confused. “What are you - ”

“I need you to know that I heard you tell me you loved me.”

“Well, I wanted you to,” he said uncertainly. 

“And the text...” you continued.

“Okay, so I’m casually pushing an agenda,” he acknowledged, with a shrug.

“I see that,” you stifled a laugh. “Please don’t tell jokes. I’m trying to be serious, and I can’t do that if you’re going to be adorable with the banter,” you accused, the giggle that threatened to spill bubbling from your lips. Rooster bit back his grin of his own as he rested back against the bench, kicking his long legs over at the ankle. Truth be told, it was a relief, if you were trying not to laugh it couldn’t be that serious, he prayed. “This isn’t funny!”

“Maybe not from your perspective,” he taunted as your shoulders slumped. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” he apologised, approaching you. “Can I kiss you now?” he asked quietly.

“Always,” you said as his lips were on yours. And God, he was good at that, he took your wrists and gently pinned them behind you, keeping you close as his tongue gently melded with yours and you swore your knees could go from under you. You loved him so much and if his tongue wasn’t doing that thing he did that made your brain short circuit… you’d be able to tell him.

Pulling away, he whispered your name. “Whatever it is, I can handle it. I promise.”

You nodded weakly. He’s got you right where he wanted you, trapped in his arms and forcing you to just spit it out. Hot under his gaze, he licked his lips. When you stayed silent, Rooster stewed a little, sucking his teeth.

“If you want space, I’ll give you all the space you need,” he said, resting his sore head on your shoulder and all you wanted to do was hold him and tell him how far from the truth he was.

“I don’t want space,” you said as he rested his lips against the crook of your neck. “It’s so more than that, Bradley. You’ve thrown yourself headfirst into this, and I’m so thankful for that.”

It was his turn to stay silent. You had the floor, and he wasn’t going to mutter a peep.

“You prove to me every day that you love me, and that I’m your future. And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to make you think that’s not how I feel too,” you admitted sadly. “All day, every day, all I think about is you. It is more concerning to me that other things seem to be falling by the wayside because of it. I have built everything I own for myself, and nothing seems to fit if you’re not a part of it. Everything is so much brighter when you’re here… but everything feels colder when you leave because I don’t know if you’ll come back.”

He sighed deeply. “Oh, sweet girl.”

“You’re the first and last thing on my mind every day. Do you know how lucky I am that I get to have you in my life, Bradley?” you pulled your hands away from him and shifted his gaze to yours. He towered above you, but his eyes were soft. You knew he was desperate to be convinced of how you felt. His body was taut like he was holding something in… like he wasn’t breathing. Just like you.

“Say it,” he dared you.

“Bradley, you know…”

“I know I do, but...” he said, unmovable. “I need to know this isn’t just me getting lost in this,” he stood before you, eyes warm and hopeful. “I need the words,” he hated himself for pushing you, but he didn’t know what else to do so he pleaded again, “Please say them.”

“You know I love you,” you told him, holding his face tenderly in your hands. “Bradley, I am so in love with you,” you told him simply as he finally exhaled, his mouth quirking. You caressed his cheeks, fingers tracing the scars you’d come to adore, eyes so earnest you could almost see yourself in them.

“Again.”

“I love you,” you gently kissed him. “I love you so much and you make me the happiest I’ve been in a really long time.”

“One more time, please?” he pleaded, smiling now.

“I love you, Bradley,” you told him truthfully.

“Yeah, you fuckin’ do,” he pulled you close, wholly enveloping himself and kissing you deeply. “And thank you,” he taunted as you fought every fibre of your being not to slap his entirely slappable face. He laughed, feeling the cold of your stare. “Shit, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” he laughed quietly. “I love you. I’m so fucking in love with you.” He tried to appease you with that kiss that turned you inside out. Yeah, you know the one.

“I love you too,” you said, replying to him and your heart raced. Why was it so fucking scary? It felt divine to finally tell him how you feel and have it reciprocated. “I’ve never been in love like this.”

He broke into a small smile. “Me either, sweet girl. Maybe I never have before because nothing has ever felt like this. Every day, I feel like I’m fallin’ harder and faster and it’s – ”

“Terrifying.”

“And incredible now that I know you feel the same way,” he smiled softly.

“Please show me how you feel,” you said hazily.

He heard the double meaning behind your words. He could never deny you. “Every fuckin’ day,” he kissed you, he kissed you as he’d never kissed you before and guided you towards your bedroom, easing you back towards the bed as he shed his tee, his dog tags jingling against his strong chest and joined you. “Arms,” he instructed, and you willingly raised them, your shirt lifted over your torso and he tossed it away. He kissed you again, his lips following your chin, your throat, across your breasts as he eased you back. He made light work of your jeans, stripping them carefully and standing to full height as he removed his own.

“You are so sexy,” you couldn’t bite back as he gave you his slow smile and crawled up the bed, caging you in, kissing you madly. You held him tightly, bringing all his body weight to you and wrapping your legs around him. “I love you, Bradley.”

He nudged your nose with his. “I love you too, sweet girl,” and he showed you just how much.

A few hours later in your messy bed and recovering from multiple orgasms, Rooster crawled over your body, his weight heavy and welcomed above you. You managed a smile, exhausted and tracing the muscles on his lower back. “I need a break, big boy.”

“You sore?” he asked a little concerned.

“No, just need a breather.”

He licked his lips, pondering before chuckling. “I need to tell you something.”

“Anything,” you thumbed the scar on his chin.

“I just want you to know... I have never told anyone that before,” he said, kind of bashfully.

“Told anyone what?” you moved to the scar on his throat, and it bobbed under your light touch.

“That I loved them,” he said shyly.

Your pulse raced. “Really?”

You don’t know why this surprised you. He hadn’t really been known for any long-term partners, he’d had a few girlfriends in the past, but they never really lasted. “People have said it to me, and I’ve kind of...”

“Kind of what?”

“Just know, I understand it’s hard to say it back. You’re braver than me. People have said it to me, romantically,” he clarified. “And I’m ashamed to admit, I walked. Ran, mostly.”

It was a bit of a shock to hear, but that was the past, what were you to do with his previous traits? He said he loved you first but the pit you felt in your stomach you weren’t prepared for. “You left when they said they loved you?”

He made a strange sound and cowered his eyes on your pillow. “I know. I am a terrible person,” he replied, his voice muffled.

Well, now this was a little uncomfy. “Well, I guess you had your reasons…” you replied, but you weren’t sure you believed your words. He heard your tone change and he was a little flabbergasted at your reaction.

“Probably haven’t really said it, like, since Mom died,” he felt the need to explain. “I don’t think I was in love with those people though…” he continued, trying to cover his ass. “So, when I said it last week, it kind of slipped and it caught me by surprise too.”

You stayed quiet. 

Kissing your shoulder, he asked, “Is that okay?”

You shrugged. What could you say? You figured saying nothing might be best in this case... but the word vomit started anyway. “I wanted to tell you a while ago how I felt.”

He raised an eyebrow and kind of wanted the bed to swallow him. Keep your fucking trap shut, Bradshaw, he wanted to yell. “Really?” he asked softly. “Why didn’t you?”

“Nat’s holiday party a few weeks ago?”

“I recall this gash,” he sighed, rolling to his back, the sheets falling to the raw pink scar added to the assortment of beautiful blemishes that married his golden skin, this one just below his Adonis belt. “Shit, I remember the head. Holy fuck, best blowjob of my life,” he grinned widely as you just took it. What else could you do? You were there, more than willing and he seemed to enjoy himself

“Do I take that as a compliment?”

“I’d scream it from the heavens if you let me,” he continued his tone contemptuous.

“My God, Rooster. I’m being serious,” you tried not to laugh, even in your unease he made you so joyous, you could throttle him.

He rolled to face you, resting his chin in his hand. “Sorry.”

“You were just looking at me in the mirror and I swear, I almost said the words. I’ve been in love with you since the first kiss. I just never thought someone like you would ever be interested in someone like me,” you told him, a little critical of yourself.

“Hey, that’s the woman I love you’re talking about there,” he shuffled up to sit and asked you to do the same.

“And now I’m really worried if I had said it then... you may not have stuck around either. It wouldn’t have been on your terms and that kind of scares me.”

He frowned, cupping your cheek. “I am so in love with you. Shit,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t want you to doubt me. Baby, sweet girl,” he helped you sit up and you kept the sheet around you tightly for modestly. “I am all in.”

He dragged you into his arms and gripped you tightly. He always did everything in his power to make you feel protected, safe, respected and loved and now, he sadly added inadequate to the list.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t want you to doubt me,” he said softly, cooing your name. “I am so in love with you. I never said the words to anyone else, because I have never ever felt anything like this before. I didn’t expect to fall for you. It started as a little crush and continued to snowball until the wedding. You know I will do anything in my power to make you feel like I do. How good we are together,” he kissed you. “How desperate I am to make you happy, how fuckin’ happy you make me. Baby, I love you.”

You softened. “I feel so stupid, I know you love me. I love you. I just sometimes think that you are just too good to be true, that one day you’ll realise your match is just waiting in the wings.”

He smiled wide. “Baby, you are my match. There is no one else. After you? There could be no one else. Your heart, your wit, that fucking brain, the way you love others. Your smile, these beautiful eyes,” he raffled off. “The world’s most perfect ass,” he breathed. Pulling a pillow over your eyes, you’d never felt so treasured, or bashful, by someone's compliments. The pillow was whipped away as Rooster held your face. “I love you, and every single day for the rest of our lives, I’ll prove it.”

“I’m running late,” you called as Rooster wandered in. He placed his cover on the bench and poked his head into your bedroom as you finished trying to get ready. He licked his lips, amused, watching you put in an earring, dressed only in your underwear and, argh, those heels were incredible. “I was going to need your help zipping me up,” you said to him, turning and grinning.

“I can certainly help you unzip later,” he offered.

“Are you going to hide behind the door or do I get to see those sexy dress whites?”

He laughed bashfully, knowing you’d been pretty excited about this all week and slowly opened your bedroom door so he could cross the threshold and reveal himself.

“Oh my God,” you couldn’t resist. Hollywood had the Chrises (Hemsworth, Evans, Pine etc)... but you had Lt. Bradley Bradshaw. “You are so sexy,” your body was actually melting down. He laughed, banking that reaction and approached you, slipping his warm hands over your naked ribs. You keenly kissed him. “Holy shit, you are gorgeous.”

“You’re crazy,” he told you. “But I like this reaction.”

You pressed your hands down his shoulders, across his chest, his medals. “Oh, my God.”

“This is a very visceral response,” Rooster actually blushed.

“I’m so turned on,” you admitted, kissing him tenderly, not wanting to get lipstick all over him. “This is everything I imagined and more,” you giggled, it was surreal. “Oh, you are in for a rough ride later, Lieutenant.”

“Stop calling me that, I’m getting hard now and we’re already late,” he begged, he brushed away your bra strap and kissed your shoulder, taking in his favourite perfume on your skin, his hands skimming down your sides and resting blatantly on your ass, his long fingers slipping in the seams and feeling your soft skin.

“You don’t seem that concerned,” you noted.

“No,” he agreed, sneering. “Wanna just stay and fuck? Harvard isn’t that close a friend anyway…” he teased, getting heady himself.

“Yes,” you replied, dreading that if he moved his hands a little further, you wouldn’t get to the wedding at all. “Would ease my nerves.”

Today was the day. You were making your debut as a couple for Harvard’s wedding. “Sex calms me down,” Rooster shrugged casually as you laughed.

“Stop, please…” you told him, breathlessly.

He nuzzled your jaw. “Your pulse is racing,” he huffed a laugh into your skin. “You are really into this…” he bobbed to nuzzle your throat as you lost your fingers to his hair. “I can help you calm down if you want me to,” his large hands skimmed across your belly, a hand cascading lower and lower and frankly you didn’t want him to stop.

“Bradley Bradshaw, you are a bad, bad man,” your voice trailed off as his fingers lightly traced the skin around your wet core. He hummed in agreement.

“It’s okay. If we’re later than the bride, we will just tell everyone what we were doing,” he explained, his slender finger tauntingly skimming your folds. “Jesus, baby, you are so wet,” and the sound you made as he pressed inside you should have shamed you, but not with Bradley. You wanted to show him everything he did to you, crude or not.

You wrapped your arm around his neck as he whispered utter filth about what he wished to do to you later in your ear, his fingers filling you, taunting you. You begged him to make you come quickly, but the torture continued as he told you to fuck yourself on his hand. You held him a little tighter, the heels killing you already, your body ready to explode. “Come apart, sweet girl. I know you need to,” Rooster breathed, so blue himself but giving you everything you needed at that moment to make you feel at ease. “Oh, you sweet thing,” he cooed as you shuddered and shook against him. “Beautiful, so sexy.”

As you came back to earth, Rooster gave his quiet, raspy chuckle with a raised eyebrow. “Hi,” you released him but he didn’t do the same. 

“Feeling good?”

“Incredible,” you confessed, breathing deeply.

“Come here,” he kissed you tenderly. “I’ll always give you what you need, sweet girl.”

“I love you.”

“I love you,” he repeated as you wiped some lipstick from the corner of his lip.

“Do I look okay?”

“You are beautiful.”

“I meant, do I look like I just came on your fingers?”

Laughing loudly now, he shook his head. “No, you’re beautiful.”

“We have to move, don’t we?”

“I’m ready,” he protested. “I’m not me making us late.”

“Okay, okay,” you headed for the bathroom to get your dress that was hanging.

“Unless you’re going in this very poor excuse for lingerie,” he suggested after you.

You gave a gentle turn and his breath hitched. “You don’t like it?” you asked, the transparency laced in your words wasn’t lost on him and he huffed a laugh.

“You know I do. Good God, you are a sight. But we’re really running late,” he gently reminded you.

You poked out your tongue and gave him space to regain his composure as you delicately retrieved the dress and stepped into it. It was a little more formal than you were used to, but you knew you’d knock Rooster’s sock off. “Rooster, baby? Can you zip me up?” you asked, wondering back to him. The sound he made was not of earth. “Wait until it’s zipped,” you promised, turning your back to him.

He swept your hair away tenderly and zipped it carefully as instructed. He called you by name. “Lemme see you, love.”

You took the hand he offered and turned to face him.

“I am so in love with you. You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

“We look pretty good together, huh?” you gave him a considerable once over - perfection.

“Yes, ma’am,” he agreed, a small smile on his feature. He pulled you close and kissed the side of your mouth, not wanting to ruin your make-up. “I’m going to make you scream so loud tonight, I can’t believe your mine.”

You pushed back a loose curl and smiled at him fondly. If only he knew.

Adjusting his cover, Rooster grinned. His excitement was palpable. “Are you ready for our full circle moment?” he offered his hand to you which you eagerly took, his fingers sliding through yours easily.

“Nope, I’m as nauseous today as I was at Sarah’s wedding.”

Rooster laughed, accepting your hand in his. “But just like then, I’ll take care of you too.”

“You know, it’s not too late to back out on this…”

Sighed, Rooster wrapped his free arm around you. “I know this is a lot. But it’s just us. We’ve done this before.”

“Last time wasn’t with your colleagues… who didn’t know where you spend every night these days.”

“True…” he held your face in his palms and could see your anxiousness. “Everyone in there is going to be so happy for us, all we have to do is have a good time,” he kissed your forehead. “Come on. Besides, you owe me a plus one.”

Rolling your eyes, you huffed a laugh. “I love you.”

“Yeah, I know,” he winked.

Stroking down his collar, he was make-believe hot in his dress whites. It was almost criminal how you’d have to try and control yourself beside him today.

“One thing,” he said, as you walked with him inside the chapel. You raised an eyebrow. “I mean this when I say it, do not catch the bouquet.”

You laughed quietly as he licked back a grin and caught his first eyes at the alter… Yale and Omaha, jaws dropped, eyebrows raised in realisation as he gave them a subtle wink and Natasha gave you a wide smile, patting the seat beside herself and Bob.

“Friends,” she said. “You guys look so good together, I can’t stand it,” she said as Rooster placed his hand on your lower back, guiding you, your other hand still in his as he sat beside you. “What do you think, Bob?”

“It's a lot nicer to see you together instead of pretending not to be,” he said with a small smile.

Rooster chuckled quietly. “Thanks, man.”

Bob gave a gentle nod in return.

“So, this is fun,” Hangman said, taking a seat beside you later that night. Rooster was talking to some colleagues at the bar, and you had just returned to the table from the dancefloor with Payback’s not-girlfriend, but kind of (seemed like a point of contention, and you didn’t want to get caught up in the middle of it).

“Hello, Jake,” you smiled as he sipped his whiskey. You had known this was coming all night. None of the rest of the team had asked any questions, just gave interested glances at the new development between yourself and Rooster, but you knew Hangman was champing at the bit to get the gossip from someone. Why not go directly to the source, he figured.

“Lovely night.”

“Great night,” you agreed as you sipped your champagne. “You’re just dying, aren’t you?”

“You have no idea how many jokes I’ve got for your guy about banging the Admiral’s granddaughter at work Monday,” he exhaled sharply, finally happy to get it out into the universe and you had to laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. He flashed his megawatt grin, knowing you weren’t offended. “How’d ol’ Viper take it?”

“Okay,” you shrugged. “He’s never really been a big fan of my boyfriend’s, so Rooster has really made it uncomfortable for him.”

He laughed, sipping his whiskey. “I’m really happy for you two.”

“Thank you, Jake. Just don’t give Rooster too much shit, huh?”

“I cannot promise that, but know I’m super supportive of this. You two are good together and he looks so fuckin’ proud to be here with you. You seem really happy together.”

You looked over your shoulder to see him laughing and smiling with his friends and replied, “Yeah, really happy. What about you and Natasha?”

He frowned. “Dunno what you’re talking about.”

“Jake, I know,” you told him in a low voice. “You gonna go take Nat for a spin on the dancefloor?”

He shook his head gently. “Don’t think she wants to do that.”

“What, why?”

“We’ve cooled off a little,” he admitted a little too casually, and this was news to you.

“Oh?”

“Come on,” he gently scoffed. “She didn’t tell you? Been a month or so,” he shrugged. You had dinner with her last week. Made sense she arched up the way she did now. But you wouldn’t push her on this, it clearly bugged her if she didn’t want to talk about it and you wouldn’t force it.

“No,” you looked for her but she was nowhere to be found.

“Oh, well, Phoenix is looking for something more than I can give her. I’m not really ready for a relationship,” he said easily.

“You realise she’s hot, smart and about the best woman in here, right?”

He sighed. “She’s perfect, it’s just not the right time.”

“Don’t you care for her?”

“Of course. But I’m in my prime. I don’t expect her to wait,” he sipped his whiskey.

You breathed. He was as dumb as a box of hair, just as Rooster made him out to be. “Jake, you are a bigger idiot than I thought,” you patted his forearm as he watched you, confused, and moved over to Rooster. You felt so sad for Natasha, but she didn’t appear to let on as you ducked in beside your man and he smiled, mid-conversation, putting his arm around you like it was no big thing in front of his friends.

But this wasn’t a big thing. It was a huge thing. Rooster wasn’t especially close to Harvard, but for him to bring you as his partner was bigger than both of you. It was a small town; everyone knew who you were. And now everyone knew you were a couple, albeit new but solid.

You chatted with him and his friends for a while as the band came back and he looked at you as expectedly. Al Green’s ‘Let’s Stay Together’ filled the small room and bodies move to the dancefloor.

He held out his hand that you gratefully took, excused you both and led you through the masses. You didn’t know how or why he moved so well, but for his frame, he just moved so fluidly. He gently spun you into his arms and pulled you in close, finding the rhythm and guiding you with it. If there was a way to fall more in love with him… “Are you surviving?” he whispered into your ear.

You smiled up at him which made him grin just that little wider. “I’m having a great time. And they’re serving real champagne.”

Rooster laughed. “Your motivation at weddings is hilarious. The booze and food.”

“They make or break a celebration, Rooster. For our wedding, there will be a lot of consideration on that stuff.”

“Our wedding?” Rooster repeated, mischievously as your face fell, wishing to backtrack. You’d never allowed yourself to think about marrying Bradley. It was way too soon, but the slip of “my wedding” for “our wedding” was telling… and he knew it. “You can have whatever you want at our wedding,” he said softly. “Anything.”

Blinking it off and pretending you didn’t hear him, “I know I said I’d drive... but I’m on the wrong side of doing it safely.”

“Yeah, you’ve had a few drinks,” he agreed softly, knowing you were silently freaking out. He kissed you tenderly. “Relax, it’s okay, sweet girl. We will figure it out. How to get home, I mean,” he replied. You loved when his smile met his eyes.

You held him just that little bit tighter and he kissed your hair.

“Thanks for coming today. I know it was a lot.”

“I was always going to be here with you,” you reminded him delicately. “I love being with you. There isn’t a time I don’t want to be with you.”

He eased his body to gently dip you and he breathed deeply. He leaned down to kiss you. “I love you so much, sweet girl. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“Me either,” you agreed, shyly. “Thank you for being so patient and kind and – ”

“I’d do anything for you. And I’m happy to go through all the motions. But I need you to know, baby…” he paused, a little lost in his thoughts and stopped dancing. “Wanna go outside with me, get some air?”

“Sure,” you said a little uncertain as he took your hand and let him lead you to the courtyard. It was a little chillier than you’d like, and he didn’t waste a moment removing his jacket and slipping it over your shoulders, rubbing tender circles on your back to keep you warm and close. “Are you okay?” you asked him softly. Rooster was never at a loss for words. He was very good at spitting out whatever was on his mind, but this made you a little nervous.

“I just need you to know,” he breathed, pausing a moment before meeting your eyes. “I’m in this for the long haul. You’re the love of my life, you’ve made me happier in two months than I remember in 20 years. I know it’s fast, baby, but I…” he breathed, dropping his eyes. “I can’t imagine me without you now.”

You gave him a small smile as warmth filled you and you pushed further into his body as his arms tightened. You knew exactly how he felt. Everything in your lives had been irrevocably changed and there was no going back now. The courses of your lives had changed and you both knew there was no one you could imagine commandeering it with.

At the bar later that night, Rooster kept a protective arm on your hip, keeping you close. Jacket tossed on the back of the stool; he’d loosened his collar along with his colleagues to finally unwind. “I can’t believe how sexy you are tonight,” you told him softly as he chuckled quietly and took away your drink.

“And no more for you.”

“No, I’m serious. It’s so few and far between I get to see you like this,” you turned to face him, resting your palms on his chest and he raised an amused eyebrow. “It’s so fuckin’ good.”

Rolling his eyes, he kissed you gently. “Knock it off. We’re only here because you wanted to keep hanging out with these dorks,” he teased, pulling you flush against him. “We could have left hours ago.”

“I’m not ready to take this off you yet,” you smoothed down his strong chest and he kissed your forehead.

“I’ll be waiting, dear.”

“Come here,” you kissed him tenderly. It wasn’t as aggressive as you wanted it to be, but shit… if you didn’t think he enjoyed being claimed, he would be lying to you.

“You’ve gone from zero to sixty,” he chuckled quietly, his hands pressing into your hips.“I love it.”

“Stop being so sexy and maybe... I’ll keep my hands off you.”

He laughed quietly, kissing behind your ear. Always modest, he replied, “Well, can’t do much about the genetics, sweet girl.”

“That’s true,” you agreed, kissing him again. You felt like a horny teenager. Your teenage self would not for a million years believe this was happening a lifetime later. It felt so foreign to kiss him so openly, and have him reciprocate, feeling so on show and willingly. You hadn’t felt so comfortable, and you had Bradley to thank. “I love you. I’ve changed my mind. Take me home. Lemme get you outta those whites and get them on my floor.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Only waiting for you to say the word.”

“Get a room,” Payback muttered, walking past with a teasing grin.

“We have one, thank you,” you called after him.

“Oh, everyone in the bar is very well aware,” Payback hissed back with a joyous wink. He was so happy for you two. But he would enjoy ribbing Rooster over comms about this later.

“Okay, lovers. We have tomorrow off. Where are we off to?” Hangman wrapped his around arms you and Rooster, squishing his face between both of you.

“Actually – ” Rooster tried.

“There is that new place on the pier,” you cut in and winked at Rooster. He frowned, a little confused, thinking you were ready to go home. Hangman grinned and rounded up your friends, giving you some space.

“I thought you wanted to go,” Rooster said lowly.

“I’m not ready to stop showing you off, Bradshaw. I want the whole fuckin’ world to see that you are mine,” you grabbed him by the jaw, kissing him hungrily and Rooster was amazed… He kind of fucking loved being claimed, just like he wanted all those weeks ago when he said ‘no’ to you.

“Guess I can’t argue with that,” he gently kissed you. “What has gotten into you?” he smiled against your lips, kissing you again. Freely. IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE… that at this point, they had to be repulsed by you both. But didn’t care. You were his, he was yours and now the world knew it too.

“Little public indecency never hurt anyone, did it?” you replied, and he was speechless.

“Who are you and where did you put my sweet girl?” he demanded as you laughed. “But can get very used to this dirty girl - ” he growled, his hands sliding over your ass boldly.

“Come on!” Hangman called from the other side of the bar.

“Come on,” you mocked him to Rooster. He rolled his eye, grabbing his jacket and cover. 

“Don’t forget your bouquet,” Rooster insisted as you squeaked, reaching for it. If they weren’t so beautiful and vibrant, I wouldn’t have made such an effort, you’d explained to him earlier.

“Next to get married, huh?” Bob joked as you and Rooster stared coldly at him. “I’ll take that as a fast no,” he bolted to the safety of Natasha.

“I’m not in a rush,” you told him as Rooster nodded, biting back a smile and the urge to tell you he was ready for it all. You came into his life as the last piece of the puzzle and brought so much more. He could see you both on your wedding day, how cute your kids would be, waking up with you every morning. Long nights, slow mornings. Everything.

“We got plenty of time, sweet girl,” he kissed you gently.

“But just know,” you gently caressed his flushed cheeks. “It’s me and you, okay?”

He breathed and collected himself. “Me and you,” he repeated. “Hold that thought,” he said, his phone vibrating in his pocket. He felt Phoenix’s eyes on him and she urged him to check his phone. He told her to calm down and read the text. 

Formal word to come. 

Several of your friends must have gotten the same message because there was a lot of phone checking happening all of a sudden.

“I’m getting urgently deployed,” Rooster muttered in disbelief. “I ship out in 48 hours.”

seven.

masterlist.

A/N: the tag list no longer exists. To keep up to date, give @notroosterbradshaw-library a follow x

[obsessedelusional]

Oblivious

paring ✦ Bella Ramsey x fem!reader

summary ✦ Bella and you have been friends for a few years now. Didn’t take long for them to a form a crush on you. While visiting after not seeing you for a while, they decide it’s time to come clean about their feeling. Too afraid, they keep dropping hints. What happens when Bella finally finds the courage to tell you?

word count ✦ 2,000ish

authors note ✦ THANKS for all the love <33

masterlist

FEEDBACK AND REBLOGS APPRECIATED!!!

⊹ ꙳ ✦ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹

“So who’s your celebrity crush then?” Bella asks her best friend of years, intentionally after talking openly about their celebrity crush. You share a striking resemblance too, hoping maybe this information would spark something in you. Your too oblivious to connect the dots.

“Hmm…. Right now?” You pause in a attempt to shuffle through all the random celebrities you’ve found attractive.

“Probably Kristen Stewart.” Bella is surprised by you answer.

“Kristen Stewart?” They ask, slack jawed.

“Yeah I rewatched all the twilight movies last week. I used to be team Edward but now I think I’m team Bella. It’s actually absurd that we let those men get away with everything they did.” You explain, going off on a tangent about Twilight. Bella half listens, trying to understand if you said Kristen because you might be gay or because you liked twilight.

“She has a whole ass fiancé, I’m shit out of luck.” You sigh dramatically before going back to your phone. Bella forces a laugh, more confused than when they started this conversation.

“But doesn’t matter, I got my own Bella.” You tease with a wink unknowingly adding to Bella’s distress.

“Edward was a creep, a whole ass stalker. Imagine if she woke up when Edward broke in to bedroom to watch her sleep. If my boyfriend did that shit, he’d get kicked to the curb so quick.” Bella groans out loud on accident causing you to look up from your phone.

“Okay I know you don’t like him but-“ You speak quickly interrupted.

“Yeah cause he’s a dick. Way worse than Edward Cullen ever was.”

“First of all, you’ve never seen twilight. Second of all, I don’t think you’ve ever liked anyone I’ve ever dated.” You respond, your tone sassy. Bella doesn’t respond only because she cannot pretend why she’s never liked your new boyfriends. Your “love” for them never lasted long, moving onto the next one with ease. They wished desperately you’d forget about the male population as a whole.

“It’s because I like you.” Bella says, not entirely registering the words as they come out.

“I like care about you, you deserve someone better.” Nice save, Bella thinks. Internally screaming to themself you deserve them.

“Aww I like care about you,” you respond sarcasm heavy on your voice, eyes on your phone. Bella rolls her eyes in response. That’s one thing Bella loved so badly about you, you were just as sarcastic and could always banter with you. More often than not they couldn’t keep up with your attitude.

Bella was in town for a few weeks, break between their filming. She had missed you so much the l last few months, promising her self she was gonna do something about it this time. When it’s time for the two of you to part, Bella steals on you hoodies.

“Where the fuck are you going with that?” You ask mostly joking, when you notice.

“I want it,” Bella argues. Not wanting to admit that she’s been stealing from you on the low. Just taking little things, now and then. Nothing you’d ever miss but it means everything to Bella. To have a piece of you while she’s off on her job related adventures. Sometimes even using your shirt as a pillow case when they really miss you.

—

Bella had a plan to tell you how they felt the next day. Before you spring going to a party’s with you. Bella was older than you, you just graduated high school. Still caught up in the high school bullshit. Thankfully they were visiting during your summer vacation before you headed off to university.

“These are for you.” Bella barley whispers, handing you the bouquet of flowers. Your favorite ones. After you sprung the party on them, they decided they’d just do it before. Maybe it would be enough to convince you to stay in with them instead.

“Thanks bestie,” you respond. Bestie? Bella groans internally, discouraged by your friendly pet name. Chickening out on their original plans, mentally throwing out the monologue they had planned for you.

“I saw them and thought of you.” Bella admits.

Once in Bella’s car, they purposefully play Jenny by Studio Killers. Signing along passionately, hoping maybe you’d hear the lyrics and they’d resonate with you. The songs about a girl having a crush on her best friend. You just nod along, never commenting on the subject of it. Bella doesn’t show it but they irritation is growing. Wanting nothing more than to spill their feelings for you, always coming up short when it’s time to do so.

—

“Do we really have to go?” Bella whines only to stop when you grab their hand and pull them closer to the door. Once at the door, you face Bella your back to the door.

“It’s just a little kickback, maybe 20 people tops. You’ll be okay! I’ll be by your side the whole time. I promise.” You reassure Bella and they let out a defeated sigh. A small laugh leaves your mouth bringing a smile to Bellas. The door swings open, some dude from your school attempting to leave. He pushes past the two of you, not saying a single word.

“Rude.” You mutter under you breath, leading Bella inside. Finding some of your friends, introducing them to Bella. Bella’s wondering what the fuck she’s doing here? Oh yeah because you asked and that’s all it took. They couldn’t say no especially when you start pouting, eyes staring directly into Bella’s.

“Sorry I really thought it’d be smaller.” You apologize to Bella some time later, the two of you sat in a group of friends and strangers. Bella doesn’t drink so you don’t either, watching everyone get drunk without the two of you.

“We should do something. Play a game.” Someone suggests, everyone agrees.

“We should play spin the bottle.” Some suggests, most people agree. You look over to Bella who’s shaking their head no.

“I think I’ll sit this one out.” Bella says, standing up going to sit out of the group. Still close enough to be part of the conversation but not in the immediate circle.

“You playing?” Some drunk dude asks you. You look over to Bella who just gives you a smile.

“I guess so.” You say, thinking it’ll be a funny story to tell someday.

“Fuck yeah,” he responds. You sit and wait as one of your friends finds a bottle lays in the center of the group all while explains the rules. A player spins the bottle, and must kiss the person to whom the bottle points when it stops spinning. You watch as people take turns, watching as people kiss. Most kisses only last a few seconds. It’s almost your turn, the girl before you spins the bottle. Landing on the boy next to you, she giggles before reaching over you to kiss him. Their kiss is more aggressive than the others, lasting much longer. People cheering them on as they continue.

“I don’t think I’m gonna live up to that performance.” You joke, as they pull away from each other. Nervously you spin the bottle, following it with your eyes as it spins in a circle. It lands on a girl, you barley know. Before you can say anything people are chanting for y’all to just do it.

“I mean if she’s down I’m down.” The girl shrugs her shoulders, looking at you for a response.

“Sure?” you say and for whatever reason it comes out as a question. She starts crawling towards you, when she’s only a few inches away from your face a voice interrupts the moment.

“What about your boyfriend?” It’s Bella speaking. She didn’t care about your boyfriend, using that as an excuse to make you not want to participate in this game anymore.

“What about him? Like you said he’s a dick.” You respond, looking back at the girl sat in front of you waiting for a kiss. Cheering resumes as you two get closer.

“Absolutely not.” Bella speaks over the loud noises, pulling you from the floor with a strength you didn’t know existed. Dragging you through the crowd, straight out the front door. Sounds of booing is all you can hear as you leave.

“What the fuck was that?” You ask, once Bella lets go of you hand. Bella paces back and forth, it’s obvious they want to say something but can’t get it out.

“You’re my best friend. I couldn’t let you do that.” Bella speaks, pacing coming to a stop to face you.

“Actually I don’t want to be your friend anymore.” Bella says, breaking your heart.

“All because I was going to kiss that girl?” You ask, arms crossed over your chest.

“Oh my fucking god. Do you listen like ever? How much more obvious do I have to be?” They ask, louder than before.

“What-“ Your cut off by Bella’s hands cupping your face in swift motion affectionately placing their lips on yours, you move your lips with theirs. Letting your arms fall to your sides. You’re the one to pull away, overwhelmed by all the feelings that came out in that moment.

“I understand if you’re mad at me. But I would of rather died than watch you have your first kiss with a woman not be me.” Bella says before you can fully process what just happened.

“I ruined our friendship.” They say, attempting to read your reaction but your speechless unable to comprehend.

“No you didn’t,” you respond.

“I want to ruin our friendship. I like you.” Bella speaks.

“I like you too.”

“No I like like like you.” Bella says, emphasizing on the last two likes.

“Do you listen like ever?” You ask, mocking their tone when they said that you moments ago.

“I like you.” You say again, emphasis on like. Bella’s eyes narrow on you, looking you in your eyes.

“So if I kissed you again? You wouldn’t stop?” They smirk.

“I don’t know, try me.” You tease, chewing on your lip. They do exactly that, pulling you into their embrace before kissing you for the second time.

—

After a heavy make out session, in the front lawn of that party you guys head back to Bella’s car. This time they open your door, something Bella has never done before. Stealing a kiss in the process then making their way to the drivers side. Once in there’s a silence between you two, sinking in what just happened. They make the drive home, no words are exchanged. Half way there, their hand rests on your thigh giving it a squeeze before going back to driving. You don’t even realize until it’s too late to turn back but Bella’s pulling into their apartment. This was not the original plan but plans change. Parking in their normal parking space.

“How long have you had feelings?” You ask as soon as the car shuts off.

“Oof,” they think out loud.

“Since forever basically.” They admit.

“Same.” You admit causing Bella’s jaw to drop.

“There’s absolutely no way that is possible.” Bella says, not believing you in the slightest.

“We met right before your career really started to take off. I didn’t think it was right to throw that on you while you were out there living your best life.” You explain.

“My best life would of been you by my side, I can’t believe we wasted so many years.” Bella sighs, frustrated.

“We’ll I guess we’re just gonna have to make up for lost time,” You smile, intertwining your fingers with theirs. Playing with the rings they always wore, something you loved about them.

“We better get started, only have two weeks and six days to make up for three years.” Bella grins before instructing you to get out of the car. You do so and Bella meets you outside of the passenger door. Pushing you softly into the side of the car, kissing you in the process. Hands waisting no time explore your body, taking you by surprise. You had never imagined Bella being so forward.

“Where’s this boldness coming from?” You ask when you pull away to breath.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said, we need to make up for all those lost years.” They grin, leading you towards their front door. Your excitement grows as they lead you toward their bedroom, ready to let Bella do whatever they want.

[solarisstyles]

SPEAK NOW(OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE)

Pairing: Harry Styles x F!Reader Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: angst, pining, stubborn!reader, oblivious!harry Summary: You're too scared to admit you're in love with Harry. Harry is oblivious to how obvious you are. Niall's there. A/N: yes, this is based off the Taylor Swift song.

 “Hey, Niall. Who’s that girl Harry is talking to over there?” You asked, watching Harry as he had what seemed to be a very amusing conversation with a beautiful brunette. 

While the music was far too loud, you could tell that she was making him laugh loudly at whatever she was saying. He was standing too close to her for your liking, and if it were possible, your skin would have been green from the jealousy you felt at that moment.

Niall looked over to Harry, a knowing look in his eyes as he looked back to you. “I think he said her name is Joslin. Judging by the daggers you’re sending her with those icy eyes, I don’t think you care though.” his response causing you to cut your eyes away from her, giving him an apologetic stare. 

“Sorry, you know how I get when other girls get close.” and he nodded, understanding your stance. 

“I just don’t understand why you don’t tell him how you feel.” Niall said. 

You glanced back at Harry and then back at Niall, trying to enunciate the current position you were in, “Rejection isn’t really a kink of mine Ni. He’s clearly preoccupied.” nodding your head in Harry’s direction. 

Niall laughed, shaking his head slightly “Only for the moment. If you don’t make a move though you could lose your chance.”

“You say that like I even have a chance to begin with.” you argued back.

Holding his hands up in mock surrender, “Hey, I’m just saying. You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.” earning a snort and laugh from you. 

“That was very prophetic, Niall. Thanks.” 

He smiled, patting you on the shoulder, “I save the best advice for those I love. You’ll thank me later.”.

  It’s been four months since that night and Joslin was a bigger thorn in your side than you’d ever imagined. Anytime you wanted to hang out, she was there, anytime you called Harry, she was there, even when you would randomly join his family for dinner, she was there. You were thankful for Niall being a generous listener. He was set to be awarded a purple heart for the service he gave to you. 

- - - - - - - - - 

  “I just don’t understand why she always has to be everywhere I go. Is it too much to want time alone with my best friend?” you ranted through the phone. 

Niall sighed softly, adjusting his body to be more comfortable on the couch he lounged on as he talked to you, “I mean, no it’s not. But, that’s his girlfriend. It’s kind of expected for her to be around a lot. Have you tried talking to him about it?” he suggested. 

Rolling your eyes, you let out an unamused huff of air “No. He’s too far up her ass for me to get a moment alone with him to even try that. And you see the way she looks at me! If I even suggested talking to him alone she would bite my head off.” 

Niall couldn’t help but laugh softly, “Yeah, I think the dislikable feeling is mutual on her end too.” he agreed. He had, as she said, witnessed how Joslin would give her looks that could kill if possible. Much like you had given her the night you first saw her with Harry. 

“I don’t know what else to suggest you do though. I feel like you guys aren’t communicating very well and I hate feeling tension between my two best friends.” he confessed, feeling a little nervous about your response. 

It was your turn to sigh, feeling guilty for putting Niall in such a position, “You’re right. I’m sorry that I’ve put you in the middle like this. I love Harry so much, and I love that he’s happy. I just hate that he’s happy with her.” you said, enunciating the last word of your sentence. 

“I know what you mean. And if it helps you at all, I’m not very fond of her either. It all seems very forced on Harry’s end and I wish he would see that he has you right at the tip of his fingers.” He told you, feeling sympathetic. 

Niall knew you were selfless enough to push your feelings aside if it meant Harry was happy, but he completely understood as Harry’s other best friend that you wanted that happiness to be found in the right person. Joslin was definitely not that person either to either of you. 

“You have no idea what a comfort that was to hear Ni. Thank you.” you softly responded, a relieving feeling washed over you hearing that you weren’t alone with how you felt. It was nice to know somebody else felt the same way, especially Niall. 

“Of course. I’m always going to be here for you. You’re my best friend just like Harry is.” he assured you,making your heart swell with fondness. 

“You’re my best friend too Ni. I’m gonna go to bed now. Thank you for listening to me.” hearing him yawn on the other end he then responded 

“Always here to listen. Just give me a call or come over. Goodnight.” he said. 

Telling him goodnight as well, you ended your call, feeling like you could fall asleep without feeling upset about Harry for the first time in months.

- - - - - - - - - 

  It was on Harry and Joslin’s one year anniversary that you could officially say your heart was broken in two. You banged on Niall’s apartment door, hot tears streaming down your bright red cheeks as you waited for him to answer. 

He was quick to do so, instantly pulling you in for a big hug. 

“He fucking proposed!” you sobbed into his chest, your fists clenching his shirt in fear of falling to your knees. 

Niall’s heart broke for you as you cried in his arms. “I know, I saw the Instagram announcement too.” he assured. 

“How could he want to marry her after the shit she said to him?! She called him stupid and said he’d never make a living in the job field he’s dreamed of since we were five.” you sniffled, scrubbing your sleeve against your cheek to wipe away the tears. “She doesn’t even support him.” your words cut through the air. Spite and anger fueling the fire that blazed inside of you. 

“He’s a dumbass.” Niall agreed, softly rubbing your back in an attempt to sooth you. “I told him the same thing months ago when he talked to me about buying a ring. I told him not to make such a stupid mistake. We can all tell he’s not happy, so I don’t understand why he’s taking it this far.” leaning his head on top of yours, he sighed. “It’ll be okay. Hopefully something will bring him to his senses.” you could hear the hopefulness in Niall’s voice. 

And as much as you wanted to have that same hope, you feared nothing would make Harry see sense.

 Being the best friend you were, you sent Harry your congratulations regardless of how broken you felt. 

Harry sent back his thanks and let you know that Joslin would love to have your help with the planning. 

You knew she didn’t genuinely want your input. It was just another way for her to press the dagger further into your beating heart. Not wanting to disappoint Harry though, you agreed to help. 

Joslin dragged you through so many venues for both the ceremony and the reception before settling on one at a country club which just so happened to be where Harry asked Joslin’s dad for permission to marry her after a round of golf one Sunday. Joslin exaggerated the details of it but the thought of Harry doing that stung nonetheless. 

And she knew it. It was like Joslin was getting a sick thrill out of seeing you slowly break. 

You weren’t even in the bridal party but she made sure you were there when she said ‘yes’ to the dress. You couldn’t deny that it was stunning and Harry was bound to be breathless over seeing her in it. You wished so bad that it was you, and it’s like Joslin could read your mind as she looked at you through the mirror in front of her as she tried on dress after dress. 

As you were all leaving the bridal store Joslin softly grabbed you by the elbow before you could walk to your car, “Can we have a little chat?” she asked, her voice oozing in a fake feeling. 

“Sure.” you nodded, turning to give her your full attention. 

“I’m going to just be very transparent with you. I see the way you look at Harry. And frankly it makes me sick that you would be so disrespectful as he’s happily spoken for. I understand you might be having some regrets but he’s mine. We’re going to be married soon and I would really appreciate it if you would back off.” Her words were cold as ice, just as you suspected her to be originally. 

While you weren’t shocked, you couldn’t help but feel taken aback at her sudden need to be so possessive over Harry. 

You blinked, breaking yourself from the shocked stare you gave her in response, your shock quickly turning into defensive anger as you narrowed your eyes at her “I beg your pardon? I’ll have you know that I will not be ‘backing off’ as you demand.” you began, putting air quotations around her words. “Harry has been my best friend since grade school and you will not change that.” You Let her know, standing firm in your position in Harry’s life. 

Joslin laughed in a way that resembled nails scraping down a chalkboard, then leaned in close to you to speak low, “I was really hoping I wouldn’t have to be forceful here but you’ve left me no choice. I don’t want to see hide nor hair of you at our wedding. Is that clear?” she asked, tilting her head in a mocking way. 

“Crystal.” you simply responded, your voice flat with no emotion, eyes as dull as you felt inside. 

Taking that as your que to leave, you walked away from her to your car.

  Your grip on the steering wheel was so tight your knuckles turned white as you drove, Niall’s shrill voice booming through your car’s speakers, “She did WHAT?” he exclaimed. 

“You heard me.” you confirmed, filling him in on the argument between Joslin and you. 

“What a bitch. Harry’s not going to stand for that.” he spoke confidently. 

“Ha!” you laughed out, “That’s if she even tells him the truth. Or at all.” 

Niall groaned, clearly frustrated “I’ll tell him then.” he declared. 

“No, no Niall don’t!” you quickly spoke, a surge of panic rising in you. “Don’t tell him anything. I feel like I’ve caused enough problems as it is and I don’t want to be a problem during what’s supposed to be a happy time for him.” 

Your reasoning caused Niall to roll his eyes,“What are you gonna do then? He’s going to be hurt if you’re not there.” he asked. 

You bit your lip, in thought about your options. “I’ll sneak in. But, I’ll need your help.”

- - - - - - - - - 

  It was the day of the wedding and thanks to Niall your plan was in full swing. 

You sat in your car parked outside the venue where the wedding party was getting ready inside on separate sides. Your leg bounced with nerves as you waited for Niall to text you that the coast was clear. 

Currently the groom party was getting some shots done by the photographer of them getting ready. It was the last task they had to do before meeting up with the bridal party to walk down the aisle. 

Hearing the text alert ding on your phone, you quickly opened it to see Niall letting you know that the coast was clear and that Harry would be alone for a good thirty minutes before it was time for the wedding to start. 

Getting out of your car, you followed the directions Niall gave you to Harry’s room, thankful to avoid anybody that might question your presence. Standing at the door, you stared at it, your heart beating faster than ever before, your palms suddenly sweaty as you brought your shaky hand up and rapped your knuckles against the door to knock on it. Taking a deep breath as you awaited him to answer the door, you felt the wind knocked from you again when the door opened. 

He looked so handsome in his fitted tux, his curly hair perfectly styled for the occasion, his skin was tan and glowing as if he’d been in the sun for days. His bright smile nearly blinded you as he pulled you in for a hug, “I’m so glad I got to see you before the wedding.” he happily said, pulling back to look at you. 

Noticing your casual attire, he couldn’t fight the slight confused look from his face, “Dressed pretty casual for a wedding huh? I’d hoped I was special enough for you to dress up.'' His teasing tone brings you more nerves. 

“She didn’t tell you?” you asked, wanting confirmation of your thoughts. 

“Who didn’t tell me what?” he asked, even more confused. 

Sighing, you looked down the hall, worrying about somebody seeing you. “Can I come in? I need to talk to you.” desperately wanting to have more privacy as you spoke. 

Harry could see how nervous you were and ushered you into the room, closing the door behind him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at you concerned.

  Swallowing around the thickness of your throat, you took a shaky breath, “Joslin uninvited me to the wedding.” you told him, looking into his eyes so he could see you were being honest. 

“What?” he asked, “Why would she do that?” he further asked, feeling hurt and confused. 

Taking another deep shaky breath you began to explain the argument you and her had outside of the bridal store, filling him in on her wickedness. “I understand you love her, and I want you to know I support that. I can’t stand back and watch you marry somebody that’s so obviously bad for you though. She’s right, Harry. I’m in love with you and it has been absolutely killing me helping her plan this whole day for you two. I went through with it thinking it could help me move on, cause your happiness means more to me than anything.” pausing, you wiped away the tears that had begun to leak from your eyes.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. I know it’s not fair to dump all of this on you on today of all days. I had to get this off my chest though before you became a married man. I genuinely hope you have a lifetime of happiness with her.” you concluded. 

Harry was speechless, all he could do was stare at you with wide eyes, his mouth gaped open like he wanted to respond but couldn’t find the words. 

The moment was interrupted by a soft knock on the door, Niall opening it and peeking in at the two of you with a sympathetic smile on his face, “It’s time.” he softly said. 

Looking from Niall back to Harry, you gave him a tiny nod, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his cheek, then walking out the door to go back to your car and leave.

 When you left the room, Niall stood in the doorway, staring Harry down as he stood in absolute shock. 

“I fucked up.” Harry said, his eyes meeting Niall’s. 

The weight of the situation was slowly sinking in for him. You loved him. How could he have been so blind to it? You were his best friend. How did he miss something that was probably so obvious? 

“I mean… if we’re technically speaking… you still have time to fix this.” Niall said, pulling his phone from his pocket to check the time. “About five minutes to be exact. So, I’d move fast if I were you.” He told his best friend, a smile slowly forming on his face. 

Harry slowly began to smile back at him, “Joslin will never forgive me.” he said. 

“Fuck Joslin. Go get the girl you really wanted to marry since you were twelve.” Niall encouraged, holding the door open for Harry. 

As Harry walked through the doorway, he pulled Niall into a tight embrace “Thank you.” he said. 

“Yeah, yeah, I better be your best man. Again.” Niall dismissed, pushing him away. “Now run before she gets to her car and leaves,” he instructed. 

Nodding, Harry took off running down the hall, bursting through the emergency exit that led to the parking lot. Spotting you almost to your car, he sprinted towards you, calling your name. 

Your head whipped around at the sound of his voice, your tear stained face laced with shock as he approached you. 

Grabbing your face with both of his hands, he crashed his lips into yours. 

The shock instantly melted away as you melted into the kiss, your hands wrapping around his wrists and pulling yourself closer to him. 

When you both eventually pulled away from one another for air, you pressed your forehead against his, your eyes still closed as you tried to catch your breath, him doing the same. 

“What are you doing?” you breathed against his lips. 

“What I should have done a long time ago.” he said, rubbing his thumbs against your cheeks softly. “I love you too. I have since we were kids. I’m so sorry that I was too stupid to see that you felt the same way. I didn’t think I had a chance with you.” he confessed. 

You were shocked, your eyes finally opening to look into his own. “Really?” you asked. 

“Really.” he confirmed, smiling at you. 

“Give me your keys. I’ll drive.” he said, bringing you back to the reality of where you were. 

“But your wedding-”, 

“Fuck it. Joslin’s not you so I don’t want it.” he interrupted, holding his palm out for your car keys. 

You couldn’t help but giggle, fishing your keys out of your pocket and handing them to him. 

You both were quick to get in your car, Joslin running out of the venue screaming at your car as you both drove away into your happily ever after.