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matttgirlies · 8 months ago

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Matt & Me🎀

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a story heavily based on Priscilla Presley’s Book “Elvis & Me” based in the 1950’s - 1970’s.

fem! reader x singer! matt

disclaimer!! - in no way am i saying matt would ever support or do these kind of things, for the sake of the book certain unethical things do happen at times.

warnings - suicide attempt,, arguing

y/nn = your nickname for any confusion🩷

Chapter 15

By the mid-sixties he was holding Bible readings in the den of our Bel Air home. I sat next to him one evening as he read passages with great force. Facing us were several of his young female admirers wearing the lowest-cut blouses and the shortest miniskirts. They all listened attentively, disciples enraptured in the presence of “their” lord. The sermon stretched to hours, followed by a question-and-answer period during which they vied for his attention.

Sitting at his feet was an attractive, wellendowed young girl wearing a blouse unbuttoned to her navel. Leaning over seductively, she asked in honeyed tones, “Matt, do you think the woman at the well was a virgin?” With me right beside him, he avoided taking in the fleshy spectacle obviously exposed for his benefit.

“Well, honey,” he said, “that’s somethin’ you’ll have to come to a conclusion on yourself. As for me, I personally think Jesus was attracted to her, but that’s my opinion. I’m not sayin’ it’s fact.”

I watched Matt and the girl talking, feeling undermined and angry. How stupid, I thought. Can’t he see what she’s doing? It’s so obvious.

He drew in a deep breath and said, “I like your perfume, honey. What’s it called?”

“Chanel Number Five,” she answered.

Chanel Number Five? That’s what I was wearing! Why didn’t he notice it on me? I slowly rose and walked into my dressing room adjacent to the den. Determined to snare his attention, I changed into his favorite outfit—a tight-fitting black sheath he had picked out himself.

Returning a few minutes later, I took my place beside him, but he was wrapped up in preaching to his devotees and had totally overlooked my absence. To make matters worse, he didn’t even notice my change of costume. I managed to conceal my distress behind a fake smile and an attentive gaze, but I couldn’t help noticing that he was responding to them with an occasional wink or smile.

I asked questions like they did, but my heart wasn’t in it; I knew they all wanted to take my place. “That’s it,” I thought. “If I’m not appreciated, loved, or wanted, I’ll end it. That will make it easier for everyone.”

I got up and went back to our room. Picking up a half-full bottle of Placidyls, I devised a plan to create a dramatic effect that, in my mind, would win his attention. I stared at them, thinking, What if I choke to death? I decided to take two pills to start. That way I could take a quick shower, redo my makeup, put on my prettiest camisole, and still have time to position myself dramatically on the bed before I consumed the rest of the bottle.

I swallowed the pills and started to prepare myself for the end. In tears, I thought of leaving him a note, writing down everything I’d never been able to say. I’d tell him how I wished that it could have been just the two of us again, as it had been during the long hours we’d spent together in his room in Germany. I’d confess that I was jealous of any woman who caught his attention and that I hated the times when there was only silence between us, even though he’d said he had things on his mind. I’d tell him how I feared his violent temper, which robbed me of my freedom of expression; and how I wished that he’d have tried to understand me as I’d desperately tried to understand him.

Maybe he’s missed me by now, I thought. I ran to the door and pressed my ear against it. I heard him laughing. He was having a great time. They all were. I found that I was disgusted with all of it. I wouldn’t go in there now if he begged me, I told myself. I was too tired anyway.

But I wasn’t too tired to remember how I wanted to be found. I lay down on the bed with my long jet black hair spread over the white pillows, my lips moist with gloss. In my naive fantasy he’d take my listless body in his arms and tell me how much he loved me, kissing me passionately back to life.

I forced down one more pill, lay perfectly still in the position I wanted to be discovered, and waited for what seemed like hours for sleep to overtake me. But the longer I lay there, the less sleepy I became. The more I heard Matt’s laughter, the angrier I got. My adrenaline-charged fury was overriding the effect of the pills. Soon I began to feel foolish.

Then I heard Matt say good night to everyone as he approached the room. I grabbed the nearest book and lay it at my side, as though I’d been reading and had fallen asleep. I heard him come in, quietly walk over to the bed, and pick up the book. He whispered the title, The Listener. I could imagine him smiling, pleased as always when I read philosophical books. He stood over me for a second, probably thinking how sweet I looked and how tired I must have been to retire so early.

Then he covered me snugly with blankets and bent down to kiss my carefully-parted lips. All my anger and jealously vanished. I realized how even a little of his attention could make me happy.

In April of 1964, Larry Geller was hired to replace Matt’s barber, Sal Orfice. Little did we know that their relationship would not only cause a drastic change in Matt, but it would create tension, jealousy, and fear within the group.

I was in Boston when he first met Larry, but I learned all about him through our nightly phone conversations. Matt’s enthusiasm over his newfound friend was infectious.

“You’re not going to believe this guy, Sattnin,” he said. “Larry knows more about the spiritual world than all the preachers and Catholic priests and religious fanatics put together. We have discussions that last hours, just talkin’ and talkin’ about the great masters and my purpose for being here. I’m invitin’ him to Graceland. He’ll enlighten your spiritual development.”

When Larry and his wife, Stevie Geller, joined us, I was surprised to find them both young and attractive. He was kind and mellow. She was sweet and quiet and kept to herself.

However, many in the group, myself included, were suspicious of them. We were all threatened by Matt’s involvement with Larry. It was keeping him from us. It seemed as if Matt was always off alone reading esoteric books or deep in discussion with Larry about God’s master plan for the universe.

Matt discovered there were many great masters besides Jesus. There were Buddha, Muhammad, Moses, and others, each “chosen by God to serve a purpose.” What I was now witnessing in Matt was the emergence of that part of his nature that was thirsting for answers to all the fundamental questions of life.

He asked Larry why, out of all the people in the universe, he had been chosen to influence so many millions of souls. Granted this unique position, how could he contribute to save a world burdened with hunger, disease, and poverty? Why was there so much human suffering in the first place? And why wasn’t he happy, when he had more than anyone could want? He felt he was missing something in life. Through Larry’s insight, he hoped to find the path that would lead him to the answers.

He was eager for all of us—especially me—to absorb all the knowledge he was consuming. Happy to share everything, just as he had with his Bible discussions in L.A., he read to us for hours and handed out books he thought would interest us. He announced that in order for us to be perfect soul mates, I’d have to join him in his search for the answers to the universe. To help me, he gave me several large books, including Vera Stanley Adler’s The Initiation of the World.

He suggested I attend the lectures of the metaphysical philosopher and author Manley P. Hall. I did. I found the lectures difficult to understand and painful to endure, but I managed to survive with the hope that “this too shall pass.”

Then he became interested in Cheiro’s Book of Numbers, which defined people’s personality traits and characteristics according to the day of the month on which they were born. To find out who was compatible with whom, Matt added up the numbers in the birthdays of everyone within the group. I waited in terror, praying that my number would be a six, seven, or eight, so I would be compatible with Matt, who was an eight. Fortunately, my number linked with his.

Although I was striving to be his soul mate and subtly becoming more aware of myself as a spiritual being, my heart longed for the very temptations he was fighting to conquer.

While I patiently waited at home at Graceland for his returns, planning romantic interludes, he was attempting to overcome worldly temptations and believed he was going through a cleansing period, physically and spiritually. Any sexual temptations were against everything he was striving for, and he did not wish to betray me, the girl waiting for him at home who was preparing to be his wife.

He felt guilty and confused about his natural reaction to female advances and I believe that this was his greatest fear when it came to marriage. He loved me and deeply wanted to be faithful to me but never felt certain that he could resist temptation. It was a persistent battle, and it even got to the point where he felt he had to resist me.

“y/nn,” he said one night before we went to bed, “you’re going to have to be pretty understanding these next few weeks, or however long it takes. I feel that I have to withdraw myself from the temptations of sex.”

“But why? And why with me?”

He was quite solemn. “We have to control our desires so they don’t control us. If we can control sex, then we can master all other desires.”

When we were in bed, he took his usual dose of sleeping pills, handed me mine, and then, fighting off drowsiness from the pills, pored over his metaphysical books.

As his soul mate I was expected to search for answers as fervently as he did, but I just couldn’t bear reading the ponderous tracts that surrounded us in bed every night. Usually within five minutes of opening one, I’d be sound asleep. Annoyed at my obvious disinterest, he woke me to share an insightful passage. If I voiced the slightest protest, he’d say, “Things will never work out between us, y/nn, because you don’t show any interest in me or my philosophies.” Then, pointedly: “There are a lot of women out there who would share these things with me.”

Faced with this threat, I forced myself to sit up and try to read the passage. The print swam before my eyes in one big blur.

I wanted to share romantic, not religious, inspirations with him. I tried to cuddle as close to him as I could, feeling the warmth of his body. He told me to sit up and listen, and he read yet another passage, repeating it several times to make sure I grasped its significance. I could bear it no longer. I lost control and started screaming.

“I can’t stand it! I don’t want to hear any more! I’m sick and tired of your voice going on and on! It’s—driving—me—crazy!” I was hysterical, pulling at my hair like a wild woman.

“What do you see?” I demanded. “Tell me, what do you see?”

He stared up at me, his eyes half-closed. “A madwoman, a goddamn raving madwoman,” he answered, slurring his words because of the sleeping pills.

I fell on my knees beside him, crying, “No, Matt, not a madwoman, a woman who needs to make love to and to feel desired by her man. Matt, you can have your books and me too. Please don’t make me beg,” I cried. “I really need you and want you.”

By the time I’d finished my tirade, all I could hear was the faint sound of religious music playing on the radio. I looked up at him. He had fallen into a deep sleep.

Excerpt from: "Elvis and Me" by Priscilla Beaulieu Presley. Scribd. This material may be protected by copyright.

a/n - i feel like you guys are going to want to kill me when i get to the last chapter..🎀

#matt stuniolo fanfic #matthew sturn #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #Spotify

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 18 days ago

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Christmas Reruns 2024–Day 23: It’s a Hell of a Christmas

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t! One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia. A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns. So here you go! Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Word Count: 7812

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This fic was written for the CS Secret Santa event in 2022. It’s Emma and Killian’s first Christmas together following the Final Battle. After spending a happy family day together, they relax before the tree and Emma asks Killian about his favorite Christmas memory. His answer surprises both of them

CS Genre: Season 7 missing scene

1 week before the first Christmas following the Final Battle

Killian sighed in contentment as the sofa beside him dipped and Emma curled up beside him. Wrapping his hooked arm around her he pulled her to himself and gave her a quick kiss before she laid her head against his shoulder.

It had been about as close to a perfect day as he’d experienced in a long time. He’d woken up, as always, in his wife’s arms, smiling as she softly snored, burrowing into his warmth. After taking a few moments to simply enjoy the comfort, he’d carefully maneuvered out of the bed. He’d learned quite early in their marriage that a man was taking his very life into his hands when he was foolhardy enough to wake Emma before she was ready.

After a pleasant morning spent with Swan and her lad, she’d shoed the two of them out of the house, citing the fact that Christmas was fast approaching and she needed to wrap presents in peace without prying eyes

“I thought kids were bad, when it comes to looking for their hidden Christmas present,” she’d said with a grin, “but you, Killian, have them all beat.”

He’d grinned, leaning down to give her a loud, smacking kiss, before straightening and raising one eyebrow. “Pirate,” he stated simply.

She laughed, shoving him toward the door.

“Don’t forget my parents are coming over for dinner tonight,” she’d said, “and then they and little Neal are helping us trim the tree.”

He’d promised to return in plenty of time to help with dinner preparations, and then after one last lingering kiss (prompting Henry to make exaggerated gagging sounds behind them), he and the lad had taken their leave. They’d hardly walked a block toward town before they were met by Emma’s father and little brother.

“You guys get kicked out of the house too?” Dave asked.

“Aye,” Killian said with a nod. “It seems the Charming and Jones men are due for another of those–what did you call them?--guys’ days.”

And so they’d spent the afternoon enjoying the snow and the company–helping the lads build a snowman, waging an all out snowball war (which the Charming’s had won handily–but only because neither he nor Henry had the heart to toss a snowball anywhere near three-year-old Neal. Killian smiled as he recalled the tiny lad’s peals of laughter as his snowball connected with Henry’s shoulder and Emma’s lad had staggered, clutched his heart and then dramatically fallen to the ground), and then retired to Granny’s for some much appreciated sustenance.

“Well, I suppose I should get this little guy back home for his n-a-p,” Dave said as mid afternoon approached, making sure to spell the word he knew would result in a mutiny from his little lad, “but we’ll see you in a couple hours for dinner.”

It had been a pleasant evening with the family, as they set up the Christmas tree, trimming it with twinkling electric lights and bright, colorful baubles. Henry, with great fanfare, had presented him with a new ornament to mark his first official Christmas as Henry’s step-father. Killian groaned good-naturedly as he’d opened the box to reveal a small likeness of his Disney counterpart. He’d played up his disdain at the assassination of his character, before placing the ornament on prominent display.

It had been an ordinary day, spent engaging in ordinary family activities, and Killian wouldn’t have changed a moment of it.

The Charmings had remained until it was time to put the little prince to bed, and then they’d taken their leave, with many promises for more festivities in the coming days. Soon after, Henry had taken his leave, as he was due to spend a few days at Regina’s

“It really is a pretty tree, isn’t it?” Emma asked, as they lounged on their sofa looking up at the brightly lit fir in question.

“Aye,” Killian agreed. “A lovely tree, and a lovely evening.”

“Can you believe it?” she asked. “Our first Christmas together as a married couple and we get to spend it with no looming crisis hanging over our heads, no villains threatening us.”

“I rather think I could get used to this ‘Happy Beginning’ business we’ve found ourselves in,” he’d agreed.

Emma laughed, reaching up to absently run her fingers through his hair. She was so affectionate now, never passing up an opportunity to give him little signs of her love, and he found it utterly delightful.

“You must have a lot of stories from past Christmases,” Emma continued with a grin. “After all, you’ve celebrated like a million of them.”

“Oy!” he stated with mock offense, “It couldn’t have been more than two hundred fifty.”

She laughed joyously, and he grinned, turning to give her a quick kiss on the top of her head. “So what was your favorite Christmas, Killian?”

He thought about it for a moment, several memories running through his mind like one of those moving picture shows Swan and her lad enjoyed watching of an evening. One rather surprising moment stood out above all the others.

“You’ll think me mad,” he said finally, “but I think my favorite Christmas was actually last year.”

Emma sat up and looked at him with astonishment. “Last Christmas? But last Christmas we were in…”

He nodded. “Aye, quite so. Who would have believed my favorite Christmas memories would occur in the Underworld?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Everything hurt. Everything. His bones, his muscles, his sinews; he'd swear even his hair hurt if that were possible. Hades may be a bloody bastard, but never let it be said he wasn't skilled in the art of torture.

It was nearly Christmas. Killian likely wouldn't have marked the occasion, save for the festive elf costumes Hades insisted his demons wear as they went about their masochistic ministrations.

The demons themselves had heartily enjoyed themselves, singing Christmas song parodies as they whipped him and burnt him with hot pokers so brutally it had taken everything within him to keep from screaming in pain.

We wish you an awful Christmas,

We wish you an awful Christmas

and a hellish New Year!

…

Lord Hades is bringing the pain!

He sees you when you're sleeping

He knows when you're awake

He don't care if you've been bad or good,

He'll still throw you in his lake!

And so, it seemed he would. Angry that he couldn't break Killian, angry that despite it all, Killian refused to extinguish that last spark of hope he'd learned to foster, thanks to Emma and her family, Hades had decided to stamp it out of him in the only way he could--by lowering him bit by bit into the sickly green lake in which he would finally lose himself forever.

He supposed it was only just that it should all end this way. After his centuries of villainy he deserved nothing better. Once he was finally gone and lost forever, Emma and her family could return and build a happy life for themselves free of the pain and suffering he brought to everyone who came in contact with him.

His heart lurched at the thought of Emma. How he loved her! For one bright, shining moment, he'd allowed himself to believe they could be together, that he would achieve the happiness he'd fruitlessly searched for for so many decades, but then it had all gone to hell…literally.

The crane lowering him into the River of Lost Souls lurched downward yet again, and Killian focused on her, on his Emma. He was determined she would be the last thing he thought of before he could think no more.

"Killian!"

He would swear he could hear her beloved voice, but it was clearly a last trick of his deluded mind.

"Kilian," she said again, softer this time, tenderly. "Hang on. I’m coming for you. I got ya."

And then she was there holding him, freeing him from the chains, cradling him in her lap. Killian couldn't bite back the soft groans as his injuries complained of the contact.

The hope and joy Hades had failed to root out of him flared to life for a brief moment, but then reality set in once again.

"I told you to let me go," he said. "You shouldn’t be here; no one should."

She gave him a wry smile as she cupped his face, then gently swept the bangs from his forehead. "I never listen."

He smiled in spite of himself. "You’re impossible."

She grinned in response. "And you love me for it."

And gods but he did. More than she could ever know or comprehend. Soon enough he would have to send her home, protect her from himself and the absolute misery he brought to everyone with whom he interacted, but for now, for this one bright shining moment, he could do naught but enjoy the comfort her presence brought.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Later that evening, promontory beside the lake of fire

“Liam! Please! Hold on!” Killian pleaded, holding onto his brother’s hand with all the strength within him.

If there had been any question at all before, it was gone now. This was well and truly hell.

Everything was crashing around him. Everything. His entire world was imploding, everyone he loved facing unimaginably horrific fates, and it was all his fault.

After rescuing him from the River of Lost Souls, Emma had poofed him back to the Underworld version of her home. She’d taken a seat on the musty sofa, calling him over to join her, patting the seat beside her.

“Come, sit down,” she cajoled, “Let me look at you.”

His wounds ached and throbbed. It was hard to breathe; hard to think; hard to keep from crying out with every movement. He couldn’t imagine what he must look like, his visage marred from the beatings he’d endured.

“Are you sure you want to?” he said wryly. “Hades sort of knocked the handsome out of me.”

She grinned playfully at him. “No one’s that powerful.”

Were their situation different, he’d have flirted back, made her laugh with his nonsense, but presently it was all he could do to shuffle over to the sofa and collapse beside her.

No sooner had he taken his seat than Emma waved her hand over him, and it felt as though a shower of pure, warm sunshine washed over him, taking with it the pain and injury and leaving him whole. Even yet, the strength and power of her magic astounded him.

For a moment, Killian felt nothing but relief.

And then reality set in yet again, as it always did in this terrible place. Emma was here, in hell itself, because of him, because of his weakness. Waves of self-loathing like nothing he’d ever experienced washed over him.

She leaned in toward him, lips moving toward his. He pulled back, turning his head. He was unworthy of her love, unworthy of anyone’s love.

“What’s the problem?” she asked, pulling back to get a better look at him.

“It’s just…” he began, struggling to even put into words the depths of his hatred of himself and what he’d done. “A lot has happened between us.”

“What’s the problem?” she asked.

How did she not see it? How was she still looking at him with love? Agitated, he got to his feet and paced away from her.

“I’m the problem,” he bit out. “Emma, you were the Dark One for six weeks and only gave into the darkness out of love. I plunged in head first in a second for revenge. I was weak.”

“Not in the end!” she insisted.

A single moment of heroism didn’t make up for centuries of villainy, and he well knew it. “You raised the bar very high, Swan. The fact is, I don’t measure up.”

“Let me be the judge of that,” she said, her voice insistent. “If you didn’t, would I have come all the way down here to try to save you?”

She would, and he knew it, because she was good. She was a hero. He was anything but.

“That’s my point. I’m not sure I deserve saving.”

Their conversation had been cut short in the most unexpected way–by the arrival of his brother Liam. What had followed were a few blessedly joyous and peaceful hours, as Killian introduced his first true love to his second. The two best people he’d ever known, together in one place. Despite his guilt and misery, he couldn’t suppress the joy the meeting brought.

But even this was destined to crash down around him.

It started with Emma’s superpower telling her something was amiss with Liam. Something had happened between the two of them, but Killian didn’t know what it was; didn’t want to know what it was.

He didn’t understand how Emma could think Liam, the most moral and straight-laced man Killian had ever known, could be anything but on the up and up, but she was quite convinced.

The moment Silver’s crew had shown up and proven Emma right had been the most disorienting moment of his life. It felt as though he were suffering from vertigo, his entire world turning upside down as the horrible truth settled in around him–Liam had lied to him, and not only that, he had entered into a deal with Hades, allowing the entire crew to be lost at sea in order to save Killian.

My fault, my fault, my fault! The words echoed in his mind like a mantra.

If it hadn’t been for Killian, Liam would never have fallen. Killian wasn’t merely cursed, he was the curse. He infected and destroyed everyone around him.

Everything had moved quickly after the horrible revelation, and Killian had been so shell-shocked he could do nothing but move with the inexorable tide.

Silver’s crew had marched Liam and himself to the lake of fire, intent on making the brothers Jones walk the plank, but their intentions were upended by the arrival of Hades himself.

Liam had, once again, attempted to shield Killian from his just punishment, and the result had brought them to the moment they now found themselves in–Liam slipping inexorably toward the lake of fire, Killian more terrified than he’d ever been. He couldn’t lose Liam again. Not now. Not like this.

“Liam! Please! Hold on!”

“I’m sorry brother, for all I’ve done,” Liam shouted above the flames threatening to consume him. “Can you forgive me?”

It wasn’t even a question. Like Emma, Liam had only fallen for one reason–love of him. His guilt was quite misplaced. “Yes, but that’s not what’s important. You need to find a way to forgive yourself.”

“I can’t, not after what I did to you.” The look in Liam’s eyes made Killian’s heart sink like a stone. “The only way to make amends is to pay the price.”

And then Liam let go.

Shear panic and aching horror took over, as Killian reached down, trying fruitlessly to stop what was happening.

But the panic was short-lived. A moment later, the flames disappeared to be replaced by a serene sea. Liam rose above all of it upon a little rowboat, a smile gracing his lips.

Killian felt the tears prickle behind his eyes, tears of relief this time. “Liam! You’re safe!”

Liam’s smile widened. “Yes, it appears I am. I suppose this is the sacrifice I should have made long ago. I can finally depart.”

Killian looked beyond his brother. Where once had stood the rocky wall of the cave, now was nothing but open waters and a port city which appeared stocked with all the provisions Liam would need for his next mighty adventure.

Liam had truly redeemed himself, and now his own personal paradise awaited him.

“Then go. All of you,” Killian said, gesturing to the remaining crew, “Now that you know the truth, your unfinished business is complete as well.”

“Get on board, men,” Liam said, offering the sailors a hand. “What about you, brother?”

Killian turned away. Liam deserved this. Silver’s crew did as well. He, most certainly, did not.

“I think not,” Killian said finally. “There’s nothing for me but the lake of fire. I deserve no better.”

Liam stepped out of the boat, instructing the first mate to leave without him. Insisting his everlasting reward could wait.

If anything, the pit in Killian’s stomach grew wider, into an abyss there would be no crossing. “Why would you do that?” he shouted. “Why would you delay your paradise? I’m. Not. Worth. It!”

Liam frowned. “That’s nonsense, brother. You’ve become a true hero in a way I never could.”

Killian scoffed. “A hero?” he scoffed, putting every ounce of derision he could muster into those two syllables. “I’m anything but. I’m a pariah to all who meet me. Everyone who has the misfortune of coming into contact with me is worse off–much worse off–for having known me. You would all be better off if I flung myself into that lake of fire, perishing once and for all.”

“You really think those who love you would be happier knowing you burnt to death in a lake of fire?” Liam asked softly. “Emma? Her lad? Me?”

Killian glanced aside. “Well, maybe not. Maybe it would have been better if I’d never been born.”

Liam was silent for a moment, thinking. “That’s an idea,” he muttered to himself. “What do you think, Zeus? That could work.”

Killian’s brow furrowed. “What are you on about?”

“Done, Killian,” Liam said, clapping his hands together. “You’ve never been born. You don’t exist.”

There was a flash of light, a clap of thunder, and then all went silent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

For a moment Killian merely looked at his brother.

“Pardon?” He said finally.

“You’ve never been born,” Liam repeated. “You don’t exist.”

“Then…who am I?”

“You’re no one,” Liam said. “Killian, you’ve been given a great gift, the opportunity to see what the world would look like if you’d never been in it. Are you ready to explore? To see the impact you have no longer had?”

Killian wasn’t sure he was ready for this. After all…it was altogether possible everyone was infinitely happier and more fulfilled without his toxic influence.

Still, he’d never been a coward. He didn’t intend to start now. “Very well, lead on.”

They made their way from the cave back to the filthy streets of Underbrooke. The first thing Killian noticed was that the town appeared far more crowded than it had when they entered the cave. Dozens, maybe hundreds of men dressed in uniforms he recognized as belonging to some of the rival kingdoms he had fought as part of the Royal Navy, milled about.

“Who are these men?” Killian asked. “Why have they suddenly arrived?”

“They haven’t suddenly arrived,” Liam said as they began making their way through the crowds. “They’ve been here for more than 200 years–ever since our corrupt king used dreamshade on them.”

“But that’s impossible!” Killian insisted after mumbling a quick apology to a man he bumped into. “We discovered the King’s plans for the dreamshade and we refused to turn over the poison!”

Liam shook his head. “You weren’t around to question the king’s command.”

“But surely you discovered the plant's properties and did the honorable thing,” Killian insisted.

Liam stopped suddenly, giving Killian a long look. “I wasn’t around either. Come. I have something I need to show you.”

Killian followed Liam back to the bar he’d tended since his death, questions swirling in his head.

Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw.

Liam was behind the bar, but he looked nothing like the Liam Killian knew and loved. This man was young, likely no more than eighteen or nineteen. There was a hard look about him, that of a man who had seen and endured far too much in the short time he’d lived.

A man who hadn’t had any hope.

Killian turned toward his guide, his Liam. “How are you…there and…here?”

“Properly speaking, I’m not,” Liam said. “As I’ve already, for all intents and purposes, moved on, I, like you, don’t exist here. The man you see behind the bar is Liam Jones as he would have been had you never been born.”

“Why is he so…young?”

Guide Liam sidled up to the bar, waving Killian over to join him. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“What’ll it be, gentlemen?” Young Liam asked in a bored voice, continuing to wipe down glasses as he eyed his new customers.

“I’m rather partial to whiskey myself,” Liam said genially, “and my brother here has a preference for rum, if I remember correctly.”

Young Liam nodded, and had just turned around to fulfill the request, when Killian finally found his voice. “Liam! It’s me!” he said. “It’s Killian!”

Liam raised an eyebrow. “Is that name supposed to mean something to me?”

“Killian,” Killian insisted, “your younger brother.”

Young Liam frowned. “Never had a brother. Never had any family save for a mother who died far too young and a worthless arse of a father who sold me into servitude.”

“But–” Killian tried again, “even without me, all of your men, all of those who sailed under Captain Liam Jones loved you. They were a family to us…to you.”

Young Liam laughed bitterly, before leaning in, his lips turned down in a scowl. “I never had any men under my command. I never had command over so much as a cabin boy. I lived a slave, and I died one, just another nameless sot who drank too much and went down in a storm.”

Liam banged two tumbler’s of liquor in front of his patrons. “Now, you can either drink up or get the hell out of my bar. I’ve no stomach to relive my failures.”

When the bartender had turned away to wait upon another customer who had arrived, Killian turned toward his brother. “What is he talking about?”

Liam shrugged. “Without you in my life, Killian, I was utterly rudderless, lacking in any ambition to better myself. I never escaped Silver’s command, never even tried. I died in that storm, Killian. I along with that entire ship of hopeless men.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They consumed their beverages largely in silence after that, Killian’s unease growing the longer he thought about Liam as he would have been had things been different.

Was there any truth to what his brother said? Had Killian’s very brokenness inspired Liam to be a better man?

Taking the last sip, Killian got quickly to his feet, no longer interested in the bar or hearing any more sad tales about the bartender.

“Alright Liam,” he said to his guide, “where next?”

Liam thought for a moment before paying their tab and leading Killian out the door, the words “The Rabbit Hole” illuminated as it swung shut. “I think there’s someone else here you need to see,” he said finally.

Killian followed obediently behind his brother as they walked through the streets of town until they came to the sheriff’s station.

“Some prisoner here you wish me to see?” Killian asked as Liam opened the door and waved him inside.

“Patience, brother,” Liam said. “The purpose of our visit will soon become apparent.”

Killian looked around the office as they entered. So similar in some ways to its Storybrooke counterpart–yet so different in others. This sheriff’s office sported a myriad of medieval torture devices, and at the far wall stood none other than Rumplestiltskin’s cell itself.

It was only once he’d stepped fully inside, that he noticed the man lounging in the swivel chair behind what back home would be Emma’s desk.

“David?” he asked. “What are you doing here, mate? Shouldn’t you be helping the others?”

The man rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically before getting to his feet. “Not David. James,” he bit out. “If you’re looking for my brother, he should be back any moment once he finishes his latest utterly fruitless task of arriving at a crime scene just too late to save anyone.”

“What?” Killian asked, trying to make some sense–any sense–out of what was happening.

The man–James–smiled nastily. “Quite a clever punishment Hades devised for him, wasn’t it?” he asked. “My hero of a brother, wanting nothing more than to save his subjects and the people he loves, forced to spend an eternity down here never quite able to save anyone.”

“But…but why is Hades punishing him?”

James looked at him as though he had two heads. “Because that’s what the Lord of the Underworld does–punishes those poor, unfortunate souls who show up at his doorstep after their demise.”

Killian’s heart sank. “David’s dead?”

“You new here?” James asked. “Of course he’s dead. Only way people end up here. Now is there something you need, or are you just here to annoy me?”

“We’ll take a seat outside and wait for David’s return,” Liam said, ushering Killian to a very uncomfortable bench in the hallway.

“How? Why?” Killian asked after a moment of silence.

Rather than answer, Liam pointed toward the doorway, a little bell ringing as a very dejected David stepped through the door.

Killian noticed it immediately, the blackened veins traveling from his chest up to cover his face. “Dreamshade,” he whispered.

Liam nodded

David gave them a look as he walked past, but there was no recognition in his face at the sight of them. Too overwhelmed by what he’d just seen to think straight, Killian didn’t even attempt to call out to him.

Just before the office door closed again, Killian heard James greeting his brother. “Ah, David. Back from another unsuccessful rescue mission, I see. There’s a mountain of paperwork for you on your desk. It’s grown by a foot since you left. Should keep you nice and busy until the next crisis you can’t avert.”

“But this is wrong,” Killian said after a moment of silence. “All wrong. David should be alive. Water from the springs of Neverland saved him!”

Liam shook his head. “You weren’t there to save him, Killian,” he said quietly. “Being resourceful, Emma and her family found a way to Neverland and succeeded in saving the lad, but without you to save him, David died of his dreamshade poisoning.”

The pit in Killian’s stomach widened. Wrong, wrong! This was all wrong!

“How did the Lady Snow–not to mention Emma and Henry–handle David’s passing?” Killian asked, not entirely sure he wanted the answer.

“Again, perhaps it’s best if I show you,” Liam said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Liam led him this time to a building with a big display out front and a sign proclaiming it to be the cinema.

“This is one of those places that projects those moving pictures Emma and Henry are so fond of, isn’t it?” he asked, after Liam purchased two tickets from a bored teenager at the ticket booth.

“Indeed,” Liam said, peering at the tickets and heading toward the theater indicated, “but as with other establishments here in the underworld, the theater serves a bit of a different purpose than it does back on earth. The theater allows Underworld residents to catch a glimpse of those they left behind when they died.”

The lights in the room dimmed, and blazoned across the huge screen in front was the single word “Storybrooke”. A moment later, the screen changed, and Killian found himself looking at the Charmings’ flat. Snow sat at the kitchen table, a full bowl of cereal and an untouched cup of coffee in front of her.

She looked terrible. Dark circles under her eyes proving she hadn’t been sleeping. Her hair hanging dull and lifeless. Her eyes–her eyes were the worst of all. They were dead, hopeless. It was a startling sight, seeing the woman usually so optimistic looking so defeated.

“Gone,” she muttered. “They’re all gone. I’ve lost everything.”

Henry took a seat beside her, his eyes troubled–not only at the sight of his grandmother, but also, it seemed, with his own grief.

“Grams, you have to eat something,” Henry said, his voice wobbling slightly. “I can’t lose you too. I can’t.”

Henry’s distress seemed to snap Snow out of her stupor, at least temporarily. She pasted a false smile on her face. “You’re right, Henry,” she said before forcing herself to take a spoonful of her cereal. “Thanks for making breakfast.”

Henry shrugged, digging into his own bowl. “It’s what family does.”

“Where is the child?” Killian asked. “Little Neal, where is he?”

“There is no baby Neal,” Liam said simply. “Killian, with David perishing on Neverland, the little lad was never conceived. Like you, he does not exist.”

Killian pulled in a quick breath, aching for Emma’s mother. She’d wanted so much to have a second child, had loved her son to distraction. Her loss was palpable–although Killian hardly knew how one could miss someone they’d never had or known.

“You see, Killian,” Liam said as the screen went to black and the house lights came up once again, “everyone’s life creates a ripple, and without that ripple, nothing is ever the same.”

Killian waited for a moment, expecting the scene to change again; there was one last person he was desperate to see.

“Liam, why didn’t the moving picture show us Emma?” he asked, somehow both needing and dreading the answer. “Where is she?”

Liam gave him a long look before blowing out a breath. “Are you sure you want to know?”

“Yes!” Killian said insistently. “Show me Emma. Show me my true love.”

“Very well,” Liam acquiesced, “but I warn you–you’re not going to like what you see.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Killian resumed his seat in the Underworld theater, steeling himself for the sight Liam assured him he would not like.

“What are you doing?” Liam asked, “didn’t you say you wanted to see Emma?”

“Aye,” Killian said slowly. “I had assumed we would once again need the moving picture machine for that. After all, if I was never born, Swan would have never come to the Underworld after me.”

Liam shook his head gently, his eyes sorrowful. “I think you need to come with me.”

Killian felt his heart drop, a sense of foreboding washing over him as the implication of Liam’s request sunk in. Surely Emma was not down here. Surely.

And yet, as Liam led him deeper and deeper into the underworld, that sense of foreboding only continued to grow. When Liam led motioned for him to enter the cave where Killian knew Hades’ most sadistic torture chamber sat, it all became too much.

“No!” he moaned, taking a step back. “She can’t be there!”

Liam placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I know this is difficult, Killian, but you must see this.”

Killian wanted nothing more than to turn tail and run. If Emma was in this chamber, he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t. “Please, brother. Please tell me this isn’t real. Please tell me she’s not here!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Liam said gently. “Come, we must hurry. For the moment Hades and his minions have let her be, but we mustn’t be caught when they return.”

For another long moment, Killian resisted, but finally, realizing Liam was right, no matter how horrific, he must know the truth, he nodded.

The first thing he noticed upon entry into the cave was the intense, overbearing heat. There was no relief, no respite. Then came the overwhelming stench of sulfur. For a moment, the darkness was so absolute, so oppressive, he couldn’t see anything, but as his eyes became accustomed to the lack of light, he noticed a single, flickering candle along the back wall–the wall where Hades had chained Killian when he was in the midst of his worst tortures.

The sight that met him would have brought him to his knees if Liam’s strong arm hadn’t been there to support him.

“No!” he shouted, the sound echoing off the cave walls.

For it was indeed Emma who was chained to the wall, her face so bruised and cut and swollen as to be almost unrecognizable. Her hair hung limp around her, damp from the sweat born of the oppressive heat and the physical trauma. Hades had stripped her of her signature red leather jacket, and Killian could see cuts and bruises all along her arms. One arm, in fact, hung at an odd angle, giving evidence of a nasty break. Her jeans were tattered and bloodied.

In short, it appeared she’d suffered every torment he had, and perhaps even more. He had to save her. Had to!

Killian rushed toward Emma, gently cradling her head and brushing a strand of hair from her face. He murmured her name and words of comfort and he eyed her restraints, trying to determine how best to loose them.

“Who the hell are you?” she asked in a voice she was obviously trying to make sound defiant. Instead, it merely sounded exhausted. Hades was so very close to breaking her, and Killian wanted to rip out his entrails and strangle him with them.

“It’s Killian,” he said. “I’m going to get you out of here love, just as you did for me. You had to know I love you too much to leave you here to suffer.”

Emma scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Just how stupid do you think I am, Hades?” she asked in a voice dripping with scorn. “You think I’m some naive, damsel-in-distress, starry-eyed teenager who’ll fall for any line a handsome stranger throws my way? Hardly. I grew up real quick on the streets and learned that love is a lie sold by greeting card companies. It’s certainly not in the cards for the Savior. So just stop with–well, with whatever you’re trying to do. Get back to the torture or leave me the hell alone.

“Swan–” Killian started, before he was interrupted by a noise in the corridor.

“Killian, we’ve got to go,” Liam said, grabbing at his arm. “Someone’s coming and we can’t be caught here.”

Killian pulled his arm free and tried to hack at the chains holding Emma. They wouldn’t budge.

“It’s useless, brother,” Liam insisted, grabbing at him again. “The chains of hell cannot be broken. We’ve got to go. Now!”

It went against everything inside of him to leave Emma there, leave her to Hades’ devices, but Liam was right. There was no way to free her. Finally he nodded, following his brother out of the cave and through the streets of town until they reached what was once Underbrooke’s version of Emma’s house. It was different now, fallen into complete disrepair–windows broken, wood rotted, cobwebs hanging from every surface.

This house was the physical manifestation of everything he was feeling now. Everything, everything was crumbling in around him.

“Why?” Killian moaned in anguish, falling to his knees. “Why is she here? She shouldn’t be here! I should!”

“You don’t exist,” Liam reminded him, getting to his knees and placing a comforting arm on his shoulders. “She couldn’t make you a co-Dark One. You weren’t there to take all the darkness on yourself and sacrifice yourself to end it. Emma had to do that herself.”

“No!” Killian moaned again.

“And I think you know why Hades is making her torture so much worse than anyone else’s if you truly think about it,” Liam continued.

“She’s the savior,” Killian said, his voice breaking. “She defeated Hades in a way no one else ever could.”

Liam nodded. “She did,” he agreed, “and she did so because she is good and valiant, but she is also broken. Without you, she never again found love. She was never able to allow her heart to heal and her walls to come down. She was a light to all around her, but she was never blessed with that light for herself.”

And suddenly it all began to make sense. In his long life, Killian had done many terrible things, but he’d also had a positive impact on others. His life had mattered, and its absence left a tremendous hole.

“We are none of us fully good nor fully evil,” Liam continued, as though reading Killian’s thoughts, “but every one of us is important and necessary to so many people. Our impact is something we may never know, but it is vital, and when one of us is missing from the fabric of time–the resulting tear leaves the garment irreparably harmed.”

The tears began to flow, and Killian let them, making no attempt to stop them or wipe them away. He wanted to fix this. He needed to fix this.

“Please brother,” he said through his tears, “help me. I want to live again!”

Liam smiled. “Done!”

~*~*~*~*~*~

There was no flash of lighting, no crack of thunder this time. Nothing earth shattering happened. One moment they were in the broken-down shell of the Underbrooke version of Emma’s house, and the next they were back in the cave where this whole thing had started. Even so, Killian knew it had worked; he could feel it. All was back to the way it should have been–well, as close as anything could come in this terrible place. His life was restored to the fabric of time. Joy bubbled up.

As Killian’s eyes adjusted to the dim light of the cavern, he noticed the dinghy docked to the cliff, the peaceful waters in which it bobbed, the pleasant port in the distance that was to be Liam’s eternal reward, and a touch of bittersweetness mixed in with his joy. No doubt the time of parting with his brother was almost upon him.

“Not quite yet, brother,” Liam said, once again reading his thoughts. “This vessel will be waiting for me in due course, but it’s Christmas Eve. I can see nothing wrong with celebrating this one last holiday with my brother and the family he’s amassed for himself.”

Killian’s smile widened. “You’d put off paradise for me?”

“Of course,” Liam said. “Haven’t you learned by now I’d do anything for you? You, little brother, are worth it.”

Killian wrapped his arms around his brother, feeling the tears rush to his eyes once again. He’d always known his brother’s first statement was true, but now, maybe for the first time in his life, he was beginning to believe the truth of the second as well.

After a long moment, Killian stepped back, clearing his throat. “Younger brother,” he corrected gruffly.

Liam laughed. “And, if I don’t miss my mark, there’s someone else out there who would also do anything for you; who also believes you’re worth it. Perhaps it’s time you go to her.”

Emma’s beloved face came to mind, and a rush of love and longing filled him. He’d left her on a rather bad note, his self-loathing pushing her away. He wanted–needed–to make things right, to let her know how very much he appreciated her coming here to save him.

“Will you not come with me, Liam?” he asked.

Liam chuckled. “I rather think your reunion is something I don’t need to be privy to. I’ll return to the loft, spend some time with your Emma’s son. Perhaps we can plan and start preparations for our Noel celebrations. You and your love can meet me there.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Killian rushed back to Swan’s Underbrooke house, his heart leaping to see it whole and reasonably intact, as opposed to the broken down hull he’d seen last. It was further proof that all was back as it should be.

He found Emma standing in the drawing room looking confused and slightly out of sorts.

“Hook!” she said, as he rushed toward her. “Where the hell have you been? First you and Liam left, and then Henry ran off…somewhere.”

There was so much he wanted to do, so much he wanted to tell her, but he started by simply giving her a long hug, which she returned warmly.

When he pulled back enough to see her face, it was obvious his gesture, while not unwelcome, had certainly done nothing to banish her confusion.

“I’m sorry, Emma,” he said finally. “You were right about Liam. He destroyed those pages because of a deal he made with Hades years ago, a deal that almost got us thrown into that boiling sea.”

Her eyes widened and her grip tightened on his arms. “Are you okay? Where is he?”

“He, uh, sacrificed himself,” he said, struggling to find the words to tell her what had happened to him–to both of them–over the last few hours. “But his sacrifice helped a crew we once sailed with. They finally moved on thanks to him.”

Her alarm grew. “Did he move on too?”

Killian shook his head. “Not yet. A boat is waiting to usher him on when he is ready, but he wishes to spend Christmas with us first–it is, after all, Christmas Eve.”

He didn’t miss the slight look of unease in her eyes, which she quickly masked. “That’s–that’s good,” she said, a bit too cheerfully.

“He was wrong about you, Swan,” Killian said, “and he knows it. I think one reason he wished to remain was to have an opportunity to apologize to you and make amends.”

Her smile became far more genuine. “There’s no need, Killian. He was just trying to protect you. I get that.”

“Nevertheless,” Killian said, “I need no protection from you, and now he knows that.”

They were silent for a moment, merely enjoying the quiet and peace of each other’s company. Finally Emma looked around. “So if he didn’t move on, where is he? Didn’t he come back here with you?”

Killian grinned. “He returned to your parents’ flat, hoping to conspire with the lad to make our Christmas one to remember–at least as far as is possible in this hellish place.”

They shared a smile, but then Killian grew serious, looking at her with intensity. This was important; he needed her to hear him. “But he helped me to see the truth before he went. I’m glad you came down here, Emma. Perhaps I do deserve saving after all.”

She lit up, her face showing a joy he hadn’t seen since he’d gotten down here. “Does that mean when this is all over, you’re planning to come home?”

When this is all over. It was a stark reminder that there were still substantial obstacles they must face before they could return to their white picket fence life, but face them they would. He was sure of it. Not only would they face them, they would win, and their happiness afterwards would be all the sweeter from the struggle they had to endure to get there.

“Yes,” he answered definitively. “Everything Liam did was to ensure that I had a future, and I damn well intend to have one.”

With that, he swooped in for a long passionate kiss, the likes of which he’d dreamed about ever since this ordeal began.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Storybrooke, Present Day

Killian toyed with the ends of Emma’s hair as her head lay on his shoulder.

“And then we returned to your parents’ flat–or what passed for it in that bloody place–to find Henry and Liam had made a valiant attempt at decorating for the festive occasion.”

Emma chuckled. “I remember. The only tree they could find made Charlie Brown’s look amazing.”

“I don’t know what that means,” Killian said with his own chuckle, “but I catch the gist. It was quite pitiful. Its sad state only rivaled by the wilted poinsettias and the crumbling mistletoe.”

“Oh I don’t know,” Emma said, “I think the mistletoe still worked perfectly well, if the exaggerated eyerolls from Henry when we made use of it were any indication.”

He chuckled again. “And all your mother could find to prepare for our Christmas feast was grilled cheese on stale bread and PopTarts for dessert.”

“I’ll admit it wasn’t the greatest grilled cheese I’ve ever had, and unfrosted brown sugar cinnamon PopTarts are just wrong,” Emma said, “but I’ve gotta say, I kind of like the menu.”

Killian shot her a disgusted look with a muttered “bloody hell”. She collapsed against him as she laughed.

“However,” Killian said after a moment, returning to the subject at hand. “It was a pleasant evening filled with joy and laughter. The two people I love the most in this or any world together and reconciled, your family–our family–together to support us. It was the very essence of what makes Christmas magical.”

Emma sat up to look at him and there was sadness in her eyes. “But the next evening we had to say goodbye to Liam for good.”

Killian sighed. “It was a bittersweet moment to be sure,” he agreed, “but I got a proper farewell this time, something I was denied when he died in my arms all those centuries ago, and I know he’s in a better place–I saw it for myself. One day we’ll be together again.”

She gave him a stern look. “That day better be decades and decades away.”

He grinned before leaning down to kiss her. “Fear not, Swan. Have I not proven that I’m a survivor? Even death couldn’t hold me forever. At any rate, though we were in an awful place and the decorations and provisions were less than ideal, that was a Christmas that I will always hold in my heart, because I got a second chance, and it’s been sweeter than anything I could imagine.”

They were silent for a moment, and then he heard a small sniff beside him. He leaned over to see tears in Swan’s eyes. “Love, whatever is the matter?”

“I had no idea, Killian,” she said after a moment, “no idea you went through all that. You never told me about the visions Liam showed you.”

He shrugged. “There never seemed to be time; we were always moving from one crisis to the next, and I didn’t want to upset you with my own internal crises.”

She sat up again, looking into his eyes. “Killian, we’re true love, husband and wife,” she said, “We should help each other through our crises. Don’t ever feel like you have to keep anything from me because I might find it upsetting.”

He smiled tenderly at her, cupping her cheek and letting his thumb caress her face. “Nor you with me, my love.”She nodded. “And for the record, Killian, you have nothing left to prove. You are a good man, and all of us are better off for having you in our lives. Don’t ever doubt that.

NEXT CHAPTER->

#cs fanfiction #cs christmas reruns 2024 #my fanfiction #it's a hell of a christmas

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maybe-not-a-robot · 11 days ago

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Media Log 2024 End-of-Year Recap

Hey! After making so many entries this year, I wanted to go back through them and give some additional thoughts or edits to them. I also feel like stuff like this needs a capstone, y'know? Anyway, on with it!

Entry 1: Angel Hare: In the time between watching Angel Hare and now, I got a plush of Angel Zaggy! They also made a third season of Angel Hare, which I haven't watched - part of me wants to watch it specifically because I feel the second season wrapped it up well.

Entry 2: The Ray'z Series: I got really into shmups this year. Seriously, play some, they're great fun!

Entry 3: de Blob: It was really nice to replay this game and finish it after spending a lot of my childhood replaying the first level because the first level didn't have any enemies in it. Harder than I expected, to be honest.

Entry 4: Touhou Eiyashou ~ Imperishable Night: Udonge udonge udonge udonge. Mariali supremacy. Touhou good.

Entry 5: Touhou Fuujinroku ~ Mountain of Faith: Still not huge on using a level of shot power to bomb. Kappa's Pororoco is my least favorite spell card. I play Reimu C!

Entry 6: Bang Brave Bang Bravern: It is still insane how gay this was, and it was very funny how this made it parallel G-Witch from last year. I miss Bravern Thursdays.

Entry 7: Isle of Dogs: Stop motion is such a beautiful method of animation. Just... wow, man.

Entry 1X: Games I Gave Up On: I think next year I want to do more of entries like these, about things I chose not to finish or didn't finish by the end of the year. Eschatos would be on the docket for this year. I fucking hate Biomutant so much.

Entry 8: Dr. Robotnik's Ring Racers: I need to get back to this game. I loved doing time trials in it. Shoutout to Joypolis.

Entry 9: Neon Genesis Evangelion: I kind of can;t believe it really is as good as everyone says. Kawoshin has been the template for all this time.

Entry 10: The End of Evangelion: I don't have much else to say. I like the mass-production Evangelion units a lot, they have a very neat design.

Entry 11: Evangelion 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone: It's so weird that this covers like, six episodes total. Asuka isn't even in this, but Mari is.

Entry 12: The rest of the Evangelion Rebuild movies: My opinions of these movies soured in real time. I think 3.0+1.0 is probably the thing I disliked the most out of everything this year I finished. Don't wait up for the essay.

Entry 13: Poképark Wii: Pikachu’s Adventure: It's hard to overstate just how cute I think this game is. It felt so nice to go back to. I started the sequel, but didn't finish it this year.

Entry 14: Portal 2: Shorter than I thought I would be, but still fantastic. I need to play the co-op campaign now...

Entry 15: Deadpool vs. Wolverine: Just... really disappointing. Such a nothingburger of an emotional core.

Entry 16: Gundam Breaker 4: I was so hyped for this game I remember where I was when it was announced - I was at my community college, waiting for a class to begin. It was so worth it.

Entry 2X: Minecraft but I survive in PARKOUR CIVILIZATION [FULL MOVIE]: Mass psychosis event. If you told me this didn't actually happen, I might believe you. What the hell happened?

Entry 17: Mobile Suit Gundam: Still kind of stunned at how... normal this anime was. I was sort of expecting it to be life-changing because of its legacy. Guess not.

Entry 18: ATLYSS: This game is seemingly getting some new content soon, excited for that. Some of my non-furry friends also love this game. It's that good.

Entry 3X: Gundam Breaker 4's DLC: Mid. Like, really aggressively mid, and so few missions too!

Entry 19: Settlemoon: I completed this game back in July, but I started an NG+ run and doing a media log entry slipped my mind. Here's my town right now:

Entry 20: The Emperor's New Groove: Shoutout to this movie's singular musical number. Very funny thing to open a non-musical with.

Entry 21: Sonic the Hedgehog 3 (movie): I watched this movie in theaters with a few friends with Spanish subtitles. We all bought tickets for the wrong day, but the incredibly nice person behind the ticket counter gave us vouchers for free seats to any one movie... and they had a showing that night with Spanish subtitles.

What a year! Overall, my highlights of this year were probably ATLYSS, Evangelion, and Gundam Breaker 4. I also technically have, like, eight or nine written works I could include on here but didn't because they were assigned by classwork. Read Giovanni's Room. Get sad.

Of course, the media log will return in 2025... stay tuned!

#media log #media log 2024

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vampireexia · 2 years ago

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doing this cuz its fun LOL

1. 158cm and 61kg

2. 158cm :3c I wish I was taller,,

3. god I wish I had a flat stomach and visible ribs

4. Constantly dizzy

5. im doing it for me and my crush, I believe I will be more likeable when im thinner, i also want to prove that I can be thinnest in the family and skinny in general.

6. yes, I had BED when i was 14 and its stuck around, im mostly bulimic atm with attempts at restricting

7. they don't know! They just think I randomly lose weight every summer LOL

8. abs and thighs atm, mostly leg lifts, then yoga and anything to help constipation, oh and jumping rope and walking for tons of calories burned

9. god yes, I know I look disgusting when im heavier but damn, can people keep it to themselves...

10. My joy for cooking

11. idk i like any bonespo twitter account :3c

12. Lots of fruits and vegetables, thats the main part of my diet

13. unhealthy LOL, ive never been able to lose weight in a healthy way

14. 45kg, ive had that goal since I was 11 but I hope to reach it this year <3

15. im vegan! been for 7 years now! it def helps me lose weight I think

16. when i was around 10 or 11 :] saw the number 45kg and,, been addicted ever since

17. yes lol

18. fatty foods,, like chips,, i can never stop eating them if I start

19. yesterday :")

20. Mid restriction with a focus on fibres

21. usually small in tops and medium in bottoms atm

22. 46kg :")) damn I miss that weight, i gained because i recovered lol

23. YES, Especially victoria secret models,, and nickelodeon actors were SO thin I was so sad and confused why i didnt look like them

24. I feel like they are for anyone who has an ED and doesnt want to recover yet :]

25. Yes im a big time purger, first times i barely got anything up but felt sooo proud, first time i got most of it up was magical, forever love you carbonated beverages and icecream

26. fitting into clothes and looking amazing, getting compliments, being able to cosplay again and look good, have my mind shut up for once

27. I eated it.... :( or purge/ chew and spit

28. YES! i would love it i would look so gorgeous

29. im actually really accepting of everyone being beautiful :") just not me LOL, for myself ill be beautiful when im skinny

30. i grew up in germany, i own a cat, im the skinniest in my family,im second tallest in my family, im nonbinary and bi, ive never been healthy abt weighloss, im always a big time purger i barely can restrict, i got to my lowest weight by restricting tho, I love doing questionaires all in one go so my stats are still the same, I suffer from OCD which is very related to my ED :]

#Thinspo challenge #tw ed #anorexia #bulimia #mia #promia

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racingliners · 2 years ago

Text

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 2 - Malaysia

Happy Multi-21 Day to all who celebrate!!

Fun fact about me, I’ve never watched Malaysia 2013 in full. Until today.

For all the newbies who started following me over the winter break, my abridged F1 story is that I grew up watching F1 with my Dad, then stopped when he passed away in 2007, then started watch it again mid-way through 2013 thanks to one of my high school friends. The first race I watched after my hiatus was Spain, then due to the BBC rights deal where they only had half the races live, the next race I saw after that was Canada. Which Seb won, and I felt bad that people were booing him, so I decided to start supporting him as a result.

I was filled in on the whole Multi-21 drama later, and have since seen the highlight reel in my 2013 season review DVD. But in honour of the race’s tenth anniversary, I’m watching the race in full. So, this may or may not be agonising (live blog under a read more to avoid clogging up your dashes!)

Worth adding, I’m not going to discuss in detail who was right or wrong or whatever, this is simply a record of me watching the Great Red Bull Civil War of March 2013. (with snacks to stress eat obvs)

This liveblog is once again brought to you by F1 TV Access, truly one of the best purchases I’ve made all year.

Anyway I’ve put my big girl trousers on and pressed play and THE OLD F1 INTRO I MISS YOU SO. Proper core memory right there.

Also also Sepang is a banging circuit and I miss her :(

It rained half an hour before the race???? oh jeez

Seb on pole, about to go and commit crimes

AHHHH JENSON!!!!

also remember when Checo drove for McLaren??? wild times.

I do really want to re-watch the 2013 season in full since there’s races from the first half of the season I missed, but that’s for a later day today is dedicated to the drama

Helmet watch: Seb’s blue chrome helmet is super pretty

[Formation Lap]: Everyone on inters bc of the aforementioned rain. Malaysia 2013 really was going for the That Bitch title of 2013.

ayyyy Toto sighting

“This should be a cracking motor race” Oh Brundle, if only you knew what was about to unfold

[Start/Lap 1]: Seb keeps P1, Mark into P2 bc Fernando got a little too frisky

oh rip Fernando’s front wing

Jenson into P5. Yeah that feels good.

Fernando re-took P2, I don’t think he knows half his front wing his hanging off.

[Lap 2]: Oop there she breaks.

Ah, not telling your driver they have a broken front wing. Just Ferrari things.

[Lap 3]: Did not notice Lewis getting up into P3 as a result of Fernando’s DNF.

Meanwhile Rosberg and Jenson are having a little fistfight. Nico won P4.

The supposedly fun part of watching this race for the first time is that I know exactly what happens between Seb and Mark, I just have no idea when. It’s like jaws and a jack in the box combined.

oh man I do not miss the old graphics of having the grid on the bottom of the screen, and waiting for your driver to come back up and hoping they were in the same place

[Lap 5]: ROCKY!!!!!!

Rocky team radio, feels good feels organic. (Don’t make me pick a favourite Seb engineer I love them all equally)

oh Kimi’s gone rallying on the apex of one of the corners.

[Lap 6]: Seb pits for mediums! First onto the dry tyres

oh jeez he just lost three places between corners bc of how slippery the track still is

[Lap 7]: RBR: Mark stay out it’s too wet in sector 1!! Meanwhile 5 or 6 cars come into the pits for slicks

Seb up into P7, which becomes P6 as Lewis pits.

dfaeguighush Lewis drove into the McLaren pit box 🤣

I lowkey love it when drivers do that

“Felipe Massa is now the fastest man on track” 2010s F1 intensifies

Live Nicole Scherzinger reaction to Lewis’ pitstop

[Lap 8]: Hiiiiii Bono!!!

Gotta take all the nice crumbs before the race turns round and stabs me

[Lap 10]: oh wow James Vowels was already head of Merc strategy at this point.

[Lap 11]: ANYWAY, after the pitstop shuffle Mark is in P1 on hards, Seb in P2 on Mediums. I’m anxious.

The race has calmed down now it’s dry but I am not calm as I’m now waiting for the jump scare to happen.

[Lap 12]: Meanwhile Lewis is a second faster a lap than Webber. Drama.

Rosberg sets the fastest lap, while munching on popcorn probably.

“They’re telling Webber he will not be challenged from behind by Sebastian” Oh. Oh no. It’s coming.

It’s only Lap 14

*chuckles* I’m in danger

[Lap 15]: Rosberg continuing to set fastest laps. Mostly unbothered.

Mark is 2.2 secs ahead of Seb who’s 2.1 ahead of Lewis.

I’ve also finished my snacks.

[Lap 16]: And Kimi gets past Perez for P9.

Aaaand a Romain Grosjean fastest lap.

[Lap 17]: Still all quiet on the Red Bull front. I’m still anxious.

I’m pretty sure there’s one maybe two more rounds of pit stops to go

Seb’s now 2.5 seconds behind Mark and 2.7 ahead of Lewis.

[Lap 18]: Livery watch: as much as I’m a black Merc apologist, I miss the silver livery with Petronas green sidepods, it’s soooo pretty

Back in the good old days when team could actually have full liveries and there wasn’t all the exposed carbon nonsense we have now :)

[Lap 19]: “Paul needs to establish himself” Don’t worry Brundle he’ll be your colleague at Sky in a few years

[Lap 20]: And Mark pits for mediums.

Imagine telling an F1 fan in 2023 that Mark only did 11 laps on a set of hards at a race in 2013, there certainly is something to be said for Pirelli I’m just not sure what.

[Lap 22]: And Lewis makes his second stop for more mediums. He drove into the proper pit box.

[Lap 23]: Seb pits for hards! He stays in P2.

Still no signs of violence yet.

Meanwhile Jenson is still in P5!!!

“They [McLaren] can see bright skies on the horizon, and challenge Ferrari in China” yeah lol that didn’t happen.

[Lap 24]: “3 second gap, save your tyres” Seb is two seconds behind Mark dfvdsvsgig

[Lap 25]: “If he’s saving his tyres he’s producing a muck quicker lap time with it” Seb’s barely a second behind Mark at this point I’M VERY ANXIOUS

[Lap 26]: The gap between the RBRs is 6 tenths of a second. Mum please pick me up I’m scared.

Meanwhile Lewis is just over a second behind Seb.

Rocky telling Seb to save his tyres, I don’t think he’s listening.

1.8 seconds covering the top 3 cars. oh boy.

[Lap 27]: Seb still 6 tenths behind Mark. *distressed yelling*

If there’s a big gap between laps it’s because I have my hands over my face in distress.

[Lap 28]: Jenson still in P5!!!

“Mark is too slow, get him out of the way” oop there’s Bastard Seb.

Gap now up to 1.4 seconds.

*half race distance klaxon*

Jenson in P5 while all of this is unfolding, an unbothered King.

[Lap 31]: Lewis makes his third and I’m guessing final stop for Mediums

“Look at Nico Rosberg” Must I?

[Lap 32]: Mark now in for his final stop for hards

JENSON IN P2 STOP THE RACE!!!

“The biscuit barrel is not just full of custard creams” Crofty???? That was meant to be an analogy about teams doing different strategies but I really don’t know man.

[Lap 33]: Seb pits for hards. And he’s in P4 behind Lewis now and barely in front of Rosberg.

JENSON’S LEADING!!! STOP! THE! RACE!

[Lap 34]: Lewis already being told to lift and coast to save fuel. oop.

“Button leads” INJECT IT!!!!!

Malaysia 2013 giveth and Malaysian 2013 about to taketh away.

[Lap 35]: And Mark gets past Jenson into turn 2

Hulkenberg and Kimi racing each other coming out of the pitlane svheghaeugh

And Jenson pits. It was very fun while it lasted.

NOOOOOO unsafe release his tyres aren’t properly on 😭

[Lap 36]: Oh yeah Ross Brawn was Merc TP in 2013, I always forget that. Toto joined Merc as his deputy I think before taking over in 2014.

[Lap 38]: “Sebastian Vettel the meat in the Mercedes sandwich” fic writers start taking notes

Meanwhile Hulkenberg and Kimi are still fist fighting over 8th and 9th

[Lap 39]: Seb up into P2.

[Lap 40]: “Sebastian Vettel has just reduced the advantage Mark Webber has by 8 tenths” There’s jaws music playing my head now fwiw.

Niki sighting ❤️

[Lap 41]: Now Rosberg is closing up to Lewis for a double serving of teammate on teammate violence

[Lap 42]: Oh Lewis pits again, that’s a fourth stop

Man if a driver has a four stop race in 2023 they’ve had a shit show but it seems perfectly normal aeogvaheoh

Meanwhile Seb is still catching Mark

[Lap 43]: And Seb also pits again for Medums, as does Rosberg. Seb stays P2 and Rosberg stays P4.

Livery watch: the glossy soft metallic blue with the purple accents is the superior RBR livery change my mind.

[Lap 44]: And Mark pits for hards.

And he barely came out the pits in front of Seb.

ahhhhhhhhh I think we’re in violence territory.

HELP

[Lap 45]: The gap between them is about half a second dvbaheuhs

(For anyone wanting to watch the race back for whatever reasons, the Civil War starts at around 1hr 26mins)

Presidential alert THE MERCS ARE FIGHTIIIIIIIING

and cut to mildly distressed Merc mechanics

Love that the internal Merc drama was completely overshadowed by Seb and Mark, truly no one was doing it like them

[Lap 46]: AH SHIT SEB AND MARK ARE WHEEL TO WHEEL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Seb into P1. idk if there’s actually been the Multi 21 call yet. bc comms aren’t calling for Seb’s head as of yet.

Man that replay is yeah... violence

[Lap 47]: oop yellow flag, fits the mood perfectly.

Oh it was for Maldonado.

Live Adrian Newey Reaction.

and Live Ross Brawn reaction to the Merc on Merc violence.

[Lap 48]: Wait this race was on Ted’s birthday??? HBD TED!!!!!! 🎉🎉🎉

[Lap 49]: Still no Multi-21 name drop... was this something that came out after the race??? bc I’m sure there’s an actual Multi-21 radio message.

“Pastor Maldonado with an attack of the gravel rash” Thanks Crofty.

[Lap 50]: Massa passes Kimi for 6th

Yeah Seb’s 4 secs ahead of Mark now so surely that’s it????

so where’s the drama???

I can’t have zoned out bc comms would have yelled if Seb got past

[Lap 51]: Oh Rosberg asked to get past Lewis and Ross Brawn straight up said no. oof.

[Lap 52]: Yeah comms are dissecting the Merc drama but not Seb and Mark so I think they didn’t hear the Multi-21 radio call aeughaeuhg

Oh I wish that were me

[Lap 54]: Man Nico and Lewis are still nose to tail it’s like the precursor to 2014-16

Was there something in the water at Malaysia or did the racing gods just wake up and choose violence

Ted sounds so sad about Jenson’s mechanical DNF, a whole mood

[Lap 55]: Seb a whole six and a bit seconds ahead of Webber.

Perez pits????

Oh he had a 30 second gap to P10 nvm

Rosberg is still around half a second behind Lewis. Britney be bitching.

[Lap 56]: Will Lewis have the fuel to finish the race though???

[Finish]: SEB WINS. IT’S OVER.

Lewis P3, Rosberg P4. Cut to some eerily silent RBR and Merc pitwalls.

I don’t think Crofty knows about the Multi-21 message he hasn’t said anything about it.

😳

Did I zone out and miss it?????

Yeah Crofty thinks RBR are mad because Mark and Seb nearly took each other out not bc of the Multi-21 call OH BOY

Oop here’s the cool down room.

Bastard Seb is hot. sorry not sorry.

dbshbuhgru Seb and Adrian just chatting tyres. Still no Mark yet.

I’m watching this with very nervous laughter.

“Multi-21 Seb, Multi-21″ OOP THERE IT IS.

There’s so much tension in the cool down room it has its own gravitational pull.

ah the German anthem my beloved.

The Austrian anthem my belothed.

There is not a single smiling driver on that podium this is so awkward aevheugh

Okay there’s one (1) thrilled Merc mechanic, good for him!

“But was he [Seb] told to hold station?” Yeah they didn’t play the Multi-21 radio during the race.

God this is the most awkward champagne spray I’ve ever seen.

The drivers left the podium aeiihgaeghs

Oh they’re back.

Mark flung away his podium cap into the crowd jeeeeez

Tag yourself I’m Brundle trying to fill the conversation with fluff bc he can pick up the awkward tension a mile off

“It was very close wheel to wheel racing” YOU DON’T SAY SEB

Mark meanwhile looks seething.

“So you were surprised when he came passed you” YOU’RE TELLING ME BRUNDLE DIDN’T KNOW UNTIL THE PODIUM INTERVIEW ABOUT THE MULTI-21 CALL????????

Welcome to F1 the drama never stops.

Live Nicole Scherzinger reaction 2

Lewis saying nice things about Nico. That feels weird post-2016.

Well. That happened. ngl it felt less stressful knowing that they seemingly didn’t play the Multi-21 radio call on the global feed. Honestly the actual race itself was pretty dull until the RBR/Merc infighting.

Still I’m going to got for a lie down now.

#F1 2013 re watch #F1 Re watch #F1 Liveblog #Multi 21 edition

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chicagosfinest2021 · 2 years ago

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Doing another one of these because I don't feel like waiting for my followers to ask me nuthin LOL

0:Height Useless 5'3''

1:Virgin? No but I wish I was sometimes (even though virginity is a man-made social construct that has no bearing in reality)

2:Shoe size 9

3:Do you smoke? Just on the dance floor

4:Do you drink? Socially

5:Do you take drugs? Just my anti-baby pills!!

6:Age you get mistaken for mid 20's usually

7:Have tattoos? On this chocolate brown skin?? Nah baby

8:Want any tattoos? I'm good

9:Got any piercings? Just my ears right now

10:Want any piercings? If I can shrink my fupa down a bit I might get my navel done

11:Best friend? My sister

12:Relationship status Perpetually single at heart/by choice

13:Biggest turn ons Emotional maturity and introspection

14:Biggest turn offs Emotionally stunted people

15:Favorite movie Toss up between Queen, Bend It Like Beckham and Wakanda Forever

16:I’ll love you if You feed me food

17:Someone you miss My grandma </3

18:Most traumatic experience Being SA'ed by different men

19:A fact about your personality I'm just a straight up catch

20:What I hate most about myself I procrastinate too much, I also can't lose this belly meat for sh*t

21:What I love most about myself I'm smart, pretty, cultured, funny, and have an overall dope vibe

22:What I want to be when I get older The rich auntie with no kids that's always traveling and spoils her niblings with money and gifts

23:My relationship with my sibling(s) Me and my middle sister are basically twins and are super close, I have a half sister whom I love but she's not into the lovey-dovey stuff. She also didn't grow up with us so we're all still getting to know each other, but we're cool for the most part.

24:My relationship with my parent(s) They're not perfect but I'm both a mommy's girl and a daddy's girl

25:My idea of a perfect date It's been so long since I've been on a real date I can't even picture what a perfect date would look like to me at this point. I guess any situation where I'm not silently wishing I had stayed at home would be a step up to me.

26:My biggest pet peeves People who insist on bringing their kids everywhere and expect the general public to help them babysit. Also when I try to pay at the pump and they tell me I have to go pay inside. I'll just get back in my car and leave.

27:A description of the girl/boy I like This guy I'm currently in a situationship right now (not proud of it). He's Latino, we've known each other since we were 13, he's funny, very eloquent when he speaks, is a really good kisser, is kind of a fuckboi and is probably aware of it. . .

28:A description of the person I dislike the most Homophobic/transphobic people in general

29:A reason I’ve lied to a friend So she would stop asking me invasive questions

30:What I hate the most about work/school I actually really like my job, my pay is nice but it could always be better tho, nah mean?

31:What your last text message says My phone is charging right now but I was texting someone about details for brunch tomorrow

32:What words upset me the most "Item is no longer in stock"

33:What words make me feel the best about myself "You just have such a deep and passionate soul"

34:What I find attractive in women Everything, women as a rule are sexy AF

35:What I find attractive in men Security in who they are and what they're about so they don't constantly feel the need to dominate or be "submitted to".

36:Where I would like to live Ireland or England

37:One of my insecurities My big boobs, I feel like people oversexualize me because that's all they see

38:My childhood career choice I wanted to play piano but then I wanted to be a writer

39:My favorite ice cream flavor I want it to be rum raisin

40:Who wish I could be I don't want to be anyone but me honestly

41:Where I want to be right now Underneath my situationship pinned to the bed

42:The last thing I ate This casserole I made that was bangin

43:Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately Alex Livinalli

44:A random fact about anything Queen Nefertiti was the stepmother of King Tut

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cannibalise-the-citrus-fruits · 3 months ago

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1: yes

2: p sure my dad

3: yeah

4: not particularly, although that might just be bc I don't tend to put myself in situations that would dredge things like that up

5: single

6: something painless

7: ribs 🤤🤤🤤🤤

8: not right now, but I used to do marching band

9: no

10: depends

11: I like a lot of people. none romantically tho, which I think is what this question is asking

12: no

13: not on a personal level, no

14: not anyone in particular, but I do wish I remembered to reach out and talk to people more

15: two cats, and a few fish. I will admit to caring about the cats more than the fish

16: introspective

17: no

18: yeah. recently learned I am far more afraid of smaller spiders than larger spiders when there was like a three or four inch spider just sitting near the art cubbies in class a few weeks ago. didn't freak me out nearly as much as a one inch spider would have

19: depends. to see different historical eras, absolutely I would, but if we're talking more personal, make your life better by making a different decision? I'd have to think about it way more

20: snogged? what are you, british? N/A

21: video games, reading fanfiction, hopefully gonna visit my grandpa

22: idk, ask me again when I'm not 18

23: no, but I've been considering getting my ears pierced

24: Math. I fucking love math

25: didn't I already answer this one? question 14? if the two are meant differently I don't know what the difference is

26: no particular foods, just ate me some tasty ribs

27: not romantically to my knowledge, but this feels like a bit of an ambiguous question

28: no

29: N/A

30: these questions feel very hetero/amatonormative and that's starting to get on my nerves

31: I certainly hope so, my parents are sitting in the same room rn. if my parents didn't love me I would be very sad

32: lime green

33: I don't think I do, no

34: I don't remember. maybe I should start a dream journal. that could be fun

35: honestly, it's been so long I have no idea

36: I don't think I do, no

37: the processes of those two things are not comporable enough to say which is easier in my opinion

38: LMAO no. If I had to pick, I'd probably say 2021, but I also wasn't especially affected by the start of the pandemic

39: see, this is what I was talking about back in question 30. N/A

40: no

numbers 41-50 are missing

51: the homemade pizza recipe my family makes. it's really good

52: I believe everything happens for multiple reasons. I ate ribs today because someone suggested it when my family and I were making a meal plan for this week. the ribs were kinda mid because we made double the amount we usually do and weren't as familiar with the recipe in large quantities. I'm writing this list because I feel like it. in terms of like, higher purpose reasons? no

53: I won a game of civ 6

54: depends on ur definition. having sex with someone outside an established relationship? as long as everyone is okay with it, do whatever. doing that but one party is unaware/not okay with it? no

55: I am not qualified to answer this question because this is a subjective quality and I am biased in favor of myself.

56: I think like one. maybe two. this was also back in elementary school

57: bestie what does that even mean. there are so many ways this can be interpreted.

58: depends on the time of day. cloudy/light rain during the day, clear at night (although rain isn't unwelcome overnight)

59: yeah

60: see answer 22

61: idk, it's never happened to me

62: more things than can be listed in a tumblr reblog, and many more that I haven't found

63: no, I'm pretty happy with the name my parents gave me

64: I'm pretty sure this is meant romantically, in which case, N/A and also go look at my answer for question 30 again

65: QUESTION THIRTY AGAIN MY GOD. anyways probably talk about it with them.

66: this is the third answer in a row that I'm gonna have to refer you back to question 30. I am going to be VERY GENEROUS and pretend that you just mean "friend you are romantically attracted to", in which case no, but only bc I'm not currently attracted to anyone. I was fully capable of this when I was down bad two years ago

67: I really wish I didn't have to cite question 30 again. and I wouldn't, if it weren't for the fact that, taken with the context of the other questions here, this question has connotations of "ooooooo someones got a cruuuuuuuush you should go talk to them and see if they're interested" instead of what would otherwise be interpreted as "when was the last time you had a conversation with someone with whom you do not share these particular traits". to answer the contextless question, like ten minutes ago I had a small chat with my mom.

68: a few days ago I brought up immortality in the car with my sibling and I think that was a pretty interesting conversation.

69: no

70: I think if it came down to it, no.

Having now gone through the entire list, I can confirm that these questions were, indeed, horrible. Not because they were especially introspective or personal, but because OP needs to learn how to ask better questions.

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

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pqrachel · 15 days ago

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Okay so Super Smash Bros. Melee is easily my favorite spectator e-sport. And for 2024 I wanted to watch way more tourneys and keep tabs on how, not only the top players but also the top 64 placing players were been doing.

SSBMRank has released the list of the 125 players eligible for top 100 rank this year and I'm gonna try to guess them. (Hopefully I do better than last year lol.)

While I'm okay with getting people wrong within tiers, my goal is to get as few people in completely wrong tiers as possible, and hopefully not any that are off by more one tier.

My notes were focused on tourney placements more so than head-to-heads, so if there's some mid-low rank player that got some good wins I'm probably gonna completely miss that on my rankings.

But anyway let's get to it:

First up Honorable Mention: They did this last year and I think if they do it again Plup is getting it this year. (He got 3rd at a supermajor and did go to 5 events but LACS: Rivals didn't count for rankings so he didn't actually make the cut-off of 5 ballot-worthy events.)

*1: Zain *2: Cody Schwab *3: Mang0 *4-5: moky, Jmook *6-8: aMSa, Aklo, Hungrybox, (Plup*) *9-11: Soonsay, Joshman, (Leffen*), Wizzrobe *12-20: Junebug, Nicki, Spark, Krudo, Salt, SDJ, Axe, KoDoRiN, Trif *21-30: Magi, Ossify, Lucky, Medz, Chem, Morsecode762, S2J, ckyulmiqnudaetr, Fiction, MOF

(From here I get a lot less confident in my picks, before they were kinda confidently sorted in the tiers, from here it's super nebulous.)

*31-50: Wally, Sirmeris, SFOP, Grab, Skerzo, Agent, Panda, 2Saint, Bekvin, CPU0, null, Faust, Ben, Aura, Kacey, KJH, Wevans, Khryke, Zamu, TheRealThing *51-90: Free Palestine, Komodo, 404Cray, Drephen, Zanya, n0ne, Dawson, mvlvchi, bonfire10, JSalt, Michael, Gahtzu, Goosekhan, DrLobster, Raz, bobby big ballz, Mot$, kins0, Graves, salami, max, coffee, Fudge, Khalid, BING, Bbatts, Chango, Balloon Day, nut, Holiday, Paladin, Jude, Equilateral, Frenzy, Preeminent, Kevin Maples, Zuppy, mayb, Beezy, Juicebox

(I felt like if I did a hard cut-off at 100, I'd get a lot wrong. But by cutting it off a little early I can actually be invested in my low rank tier hoping to see all of them make it on the list somewhere.)

*Bottom 10 / Mr. 101 / Unranked: Nanami, Slowking, Lowercase hero, Maher, Iron, Unsure, Louis, KoopaTroopa895, POG Epic Gamer, JChu, OG Kid, Maelstrom, Matteo, Trail, Blue, Eddy Mexico, HPR, Kürv, Jah Ridin', Fro116, Zeo, Elliot, K8A, Kalvar, Polo, bambi, glock in my toyota, essy, Kwyet, NOOT, Yamasaki, Panko, E-tie, Fat Tino, Asidyx

And yeah those are my official guesses for 2024. I don't think I'll be as invested in 2025 (I've been playing/watching a lot of Rivals 2), so I doubt I'll do another full top 100 guess next year, but I'll probably still watch all of the major's top 8s so guessing at least top 20-30 is still on the table.

I'll do a follow up post in a month or so once the ranks are officially out, seeing how my guesses stack up to the actual ranks.

#justsometext #super smash bros

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unablethethird · 2 months ago

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you know the usual

hehe

1- I got no freckles 2-I drink tea, hate coffee cause it's bitter. Tea usually makes me sleepy,, 3-Last song i listened to? lemme check

If i die, you better say rip /silly

don't usually listen to this stuff,,,,but vibe was right 4- How do i sleep? I usually sleep in what my sister likes to call 'the baby position' lol [side] 5-Do i sleep with a stuffed animal? Usually, now they under the bed though [im too lazy to pick it up 🔥🔥🔥] 6-Do i prefer writing or drawing? Too tired to do either but drawing,,, 7-answered this in another ask! 8-also answered this in another ask! 9-27/11/09 is mah birthday 10-How tall am i? FRIGGIN 160CM >:[ [wait i think i answered this one too-] 11-My eye color is dark brown [aka black but technically no eye color is black] 12-assuming this question is about real hugs I'd rather jump off a building then hug anyone irl 13-Fears?

Most people, getting found out on anything 14- my favorite color is red, purple, black, pastel yellow, and orange

15-answered this in another ask! 16-I want to tattoo a sleeve or two, not sure what it'd be though 17-Got ear piercings i fuggin hate, dont want any tbh 18-Last person i texted would be my sister on discord lol 19- Dunno about yaya anymore, but probably you, and i think we started being friends this year 20- I miss H a lot, im litterally aroace asf, but she's,,,,, >< getting back together would mean my irl friends dont hang around w me anymore tho so idk 21- My day today was :P 22-Idk how much sleep i got lol 23-I believe in aliens by technicality, cus even like germs or micro-organisms we dont know of are aliens, so like,, 24-The last time i cried Today lol, my mum was being mean and i was already rlly frustrated,, 25-Dont got one fav decade

CONTINUING ANSWERING THIS AFTER A BREAK 26-Childish stuff i like? cant think of anything, maybe plushies but i know a bunch of people who got way more than me and i think it's pretty normal, but idk 27- My favorite book Really really really hard to answer just one SO TOP THREE- Girl in pieces [I FUCKING BAWLED MY EYES OUT I FUCKING AAAA] The outsiders [ALSO CRIED. IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS [w a buncha my classmates lol since it was for school], THAT FUCKING ENDING. if you read any book, you gotta try this, bucketlist potential] That was then, this is now [okay so to be honest i think i just like it because it was writen by S.E hinton, who wrote the outsiders, but like,,,,it's good. Thinking back though it was kinda mid but at the time i read it, i thought it was good so yeah,,,probably would only reccomend this if your a fan of the outsiders] 28-How am i really? Can't tell what im feeling right now, but probably a good feeling 29-Does it take me a long time to make decisions? Not really, if you give me a day to make a decision i'll make it in a day, if you give me a year i'll take a year, so depends on how much time i'm given 30-What am i looking forward to in the near future? camp!! Going there next thursday

31-What am i looking forward to in the distant future? Leaving home, transitioning, and studying psychology 32-If i could be anywhere rn, where would i wanna be? Arcade,,, 33-Sleep with door open or closed? I sleep with my door closed, my mum doesn't let me close the door at all but i wait till she sleeps and claim the wind dun it or something 34-My favorite flower is the chrysanthemum! 35-no idea what a squish is 36-My middle name is bassically "House of [dads name]", i dont hate it or anything but its kinda just there. 37- cats over dogs but i leik dogs 38- Do i have any phobias? haphephobia, trypanophobia, and hemophobia [ironically lol] [[hemophobia for me though is a bit complicated,,]] 39-Do i stay up late? Not really 40-Do i like the beach? Do i prefer it sunny or cloudy? Hate the beach. Australian beaches are the fucking worst. I hate blue bottles with all of my fucking heart. THAT SHIT IS PAINFUL I prefer sunny weather generally but i would never go to a beach 41-My favorite cartoon would be murder drones, TADC, and hazbin maybe but i stopped watching it 42- Moots,,, 43- I got 2 younger sisters 44-Last person i said i love you too would be you lol

45-I'd die for anyone just let me die /hj 46-What do i do when im sad? Pain meds, listen to music, cry, and get stuck in my head lol 47-Dont got a phone number Ik my mums tho ig 48-Who can i trust with my life? You 49-

[it's my sisters birthday lol]

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 1 year ago

Text

Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 27: It's a Hell of a Christmas

Rating: T

Word Count: 8462

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 28 29 30 31 32