#i miss freaking out about cockles

[theyarebothgunshot]

Just had to get my mind to a happy place quickly and I've started just scrolling and clicking on Cockles masterlist, and can they please half-adopt me? Not actually parent me, pay for my living and education, go with me through my daily struggles and make home with me, those are my real parents' job. But can they half-adopt me, send me words of support and expensive gifts, have a groupchat and party with me, so then I can run off to Gunshots spill all the secrets like my last name is Roy?

Misha, I know you also get notifs from Rose, think through my offer - tea anon, a little silly today

that last line made me cackle, please dear god no!!!

[regardingjenmish]

Hey

I havent heard from you in a while. (Part of this is because i wasnt online) How are you? How was your first month in 2024? - 🐬

Hi darling! I’m doing good, life has just been stupidly busy lately which is why unfortunately I haven’t had time to actually be on tumblr the way I wish I could. The brain rot is still fully there just that (unfortunately) it had to take the back seat for a hot minute because apparently I’m supposed to do adult shit every once in a while.. rude.

What about you? How are you doing? I hope all is good and that life is treating you well ☺️

[cooloddball]

I woke up to see a lot of people saying that they no longer believe in cockles because of the Gish zoom reunion and a very long ask on the same. I was skeptical to watch it at first but some very nice people @green-blue-heller and @thegandy told me it was an amazing panel. Well, ladies, the peer pressure worked and I watched it. I have to say, that panel was the most adorable zoom panel they've had together. It was 20 minutes of pure joy and serotonin boost on my pant. So thank you.

Now back to the panel. I watched this video from the official Gish YouTube account so that's what I'll be referring to. I don't know if there are any other videos but well, let's go.

Let me be honest, waiting for the ceremony to begin, I was nervous. These two are total chaos together so I was already suffering from second-hand embarrassment way before it began.

Jensen being an old man who doesn’t understand technology will never not be funny to me because this guy has been in Hollywood since he was 18 and you would think he would know how to operate a camera.

What’s happening with your face, ‘I can’t.” who taught you that lingo, Jensen? It’s very hip.

Misha pretending not to know that he had that filter on, yeah sure Jan.

Jensen’s excitement when he saw Misha’s face. Can someone please look at me like that? I mean I don’t have big beautiful blue eyes like Misha but still—c’mon.

Is it just me or was it more like they were flirting while talking about the whole "how’s filming going?"

Mish saying, “Early on you were worried that you gonna have to act professional.” Is it just me or does this sound like pillow talk?

They look so happy to be together again even if it's not in person.

Misha knows Jensen won’t go back to the States until June. How do you know Misha?

Misha calling Jensen Buddy?Man?Dude? Is it just me or is Misha trying way too hard to call Jensen all the dude-bro names that he can come up with?

The look Jensen has on his face when talking about JJ’s birthday

Jensen is so handsome.

Why was the conversation about Jensen technically being a Canadian so funny? is it an inside joke that we missed or? Misha is literally just saying that Jensen is technically a Canadian having lived there for almost 20 years.

Their conversation flows very naturally. It’s not forced or anything.

Jensen hulking out. Yum. I'm looking respectively, please.

"It's like hat head on your face."

The hat head comment is followed by Misha saying, "jensen, I miss you so much, man"

And Jensen saying, "you too brother" then immediately segues to talking about texting Jared and how they all can’t all wait to be together. Not weird at all. Also, is it just me or does Misha look kinda ‘not happy about that? Not in a bad way but maybe he wanted Jensen to say he misses him too?

Misha knows Jensen stoic about showing emotion. Yeah, they know each other well. Misha calling out Jensen for not showing emotion- performing masculinity and Jensen agreeing.

The silent disco moment was lit.

Are they moving closer to the camera?

Also, Misha showing a sliver of skin. Yes show your man your titties on main Misha why don’t you?

Also, Jensen pretending not to know who Jewel is when they clearly know each other. He was even and has even been on her show with Dee. See, this is how he acts. This is to all the people who say he and Misha are not friends because he doesn't know anything about his organizations. That's just how he is. He likes playing coy and grumpy.

Why did Misha specifically ask if his [Jensen's] family was still Colorado?

In regard to Jewel? He could’ve just said “she’s from Colorado too” It’s either,

he wanted people to know where Jensen’s family was which doesn’t make sense, or

he wanted us to know that he didn’t know where they are which is also weird like guys you don't have to try so hard to prove you don't know each other's whereabouts.

They are so in sync even on a zoom call. What do they say about old habits? Keep moving closer why don't you?

That hand sign Jensen did. Did Misha teach him that? Misha does that sign a lot.

Beard grooming regimen. Yes, Jensen come through for the beard growers. Thank you Misha for that question btw.

When Charlie said Jensen uses a horse brush on his beard.

Misha is so cute guys. Wtf? Also his eyes. Misha’s nose crinkles when he laughs and Jensen’s eye crinkles when he laughs.

Jensen talking about his beard was freaking hilarious.

When Misha is showing his greys Jensen keeps moving closer to the screen as if he will see better or touch it the closer he gets to the screen.

"See this is what happens when I don't see you for the better part of the year." So it means you have seen him between May last year and May this year, right? Tell us more.

What does for the better part of a year mean?

It means more than half. The better part of a year could be used to describe a period of seven to eleven months. It's typically used to give emphasis to how long something took. Like many idioms (keep an eye on something, face me, smell a rat) it isn't literal.

Misha saying he’s going grey because he is incredibly stressed out for not seeing Jensen for a while. That laugh and the awkward pause after Misha said that. And Jensen agreeing

Misha, you know about the album. This is just marketing for your husband’s album. We saw you liked that post of the album post so don't play coy now.

Jensen asking Misha where he is? Okay, hear me out. This is weird because when they organized the zoom, they had to talk about Time zones, right? So, why wouldn’t he know where Misha is?- performing masculinity, again.

Jensen camped in Ojai and calls it a special place. Reminds me of how they talked about the Vatican being magical when a priest conducted a mass for just the two of them under the Lucifer and Micahel mural.

Misha wants to go to Marfa really badly. Did your husband share those gorgeous photos with you? Jensen please put them up. We wanna see. And take your husband to Marfa once you are back home.

Love you, my friend. Misha finally said he loves him back, live on video.

Wait, Misha is trying to end the conversation but Jensen keeps on interrupting so he can linger on. Hmm..

I swear Jensen said okay babe. The way his lips moved to form the /b/ sound. He said it people.

Jensen stop lingering.

Why did Jensen say he’s going to sit on the couch for the rest of the day? Did he want Misha to tell him to join them for the hunt?

Misha is texting Jensen right? Because his whole demeanor changed when Jensen left and got this serious look on his face. You can clearly see it's like he received a text right after Jensen logged off and he had to respond.

Charlie is so cute.

Overall, I think this panel was sweet and flirty, and fun. Jensen calling Misha brother had the same effect as Misha calling him man/dude/my friend. Did people expect Jensen to call him sweetheart throughout the panel when clearly this was an event that people who are not even in the spn fandom are watching from all over the world? C'mon. But in the end, he called him babe so there's that.

I'm also happy that they didn't talk about the show because it shows their friendship is more than just about that shit show (affectionate) that was spn.

[sinnabonka]

who are you

(I’ll use this hilarious ask as an excuse to talk about myself a little. I’ve gained a little audience here since I rejoined the fandom (and I am not leaving, you won’t make me), so it’s probably due.)

I’m Ana (short for Anastasia, yeah, like in that cartoon), I’m 24, Disaster bi, Dean!girl all the way, one hell of a heller, cockles truther, finale denialist and the person who puts the silliest shit in her tags.

You may know me by the most ridiculous additions to your posts, I apologize for every single one of them.

I am sorry, but I have no regrets.

My silly face and some random facts under the cut, not to irritate the people following me for fandom content only.

(Photos fresh out of the oven for ya)

My face does two things on photos: cute vs ridiculous. Irl I’m usually bitchfacing and / or frowning, but no one wants to see that.

And since we are done with the scariest part...

Some random facts about me:

Supernatural is my first fandom and Destiel is my first ship. Yeah, I said it.

Except for SPN I’ve slipped into Sherlock (Mormor all the way), Teen Wolf (Sterek), Queer as Folk (every ship), Hannibal (Murder husbands), Good omens (Ineffable husbands). I think I’m missing something, but oh well.

Neil Gaiman liked my art once.

I’ve been told I look Irish and I took it as a compliment (this just popped up in my mind and I have no idea what you should do with this information).

I’ve made out with more girls, then boys (like 10 times more, but heh).

My current relationship started with my jealous boy pulling me away from the girl I was kissing and claiming to be the only one to be allowed to kiss me ever since. Romantique✨

I moved to another country when I was 17, alone.

I’ve met my best friend (she’s from another side of the world) during my Mormor era, it’s been 8 years; we travelled around 4 countries together; her mom adores me, my whole family likes her better. My 14 yo self is so jealous.

I probably have an undiagnosed ADHD.

I’ve read over 300 books before I turned 18.

I’ve seen all CSIs (and all seasons, yeah).

I’m one of those irritating people who have seen all the movies, who knows all the actors and can’t shut up about them when recognizes them from elsewhere.

I’m fluent in four languages (I’m bilingual, so Russian and Ukrainian + Polish + English), but I’ve been learning 7. Kinda my thing.

I’m writing in English, because that’s my comfort language. Who could have thought.

I’m allergic to lactose, oranges, racism, homophobia and bullshit in general.

For anon: my fave ice cream is salted caramel and peanut butter. But since I’m lactose intolerant i don’t get it often 😭

I can’t live not by a body of water (a river, a lake, a sea - anything) or I get depressed. I live by Baltic Sea now.

My parents once lost me on vacation. I have such a ridiculously accurate visual memory that I found my way back to our hotel all by myself. They came back to get some water and freaked out when found me chilling in the hall. I was five.

My dad drove over my foot once.

I’m a storyteller by heart, but a data analyst by contract.

The first two things I check when I visit a country are the power sources (a professional curiosity, I work with power market data mostly) and who are the most famous writers and actors born there. The third one? The national drink.

I am a very cute flirty drunk.

Also when I get drunk, I have the best dad jokes ever. Most of them are dirty ones. Look at my tags and multiply by 100.

I’m a cat person.

And while I’m writing this, Axel (Axelrod, like the dude from “Billions”) is chilling on my lap.

Here we go, a little less mystery in this blog now.

[welllpthisishappening]

Okay can we talk about ACOSF???? Bc on booktok all I’m seeing is so much negativity about how people don’t like feysand or don’t like nesta but?? I read this book, loved it, thought nesta grew SO much and we got to see feysand from a different POV which gave them depth! Plus a baby!!! I can talk about it forever

We can absolutely talk about ACOSF. I have thoughts, feelings, opinions and this is going to get long. And, uh, any of those super negative critiques:

Alright, alright, alright, so initial feelings? I enjoyed it a lot. Like, way more than I thought I would honestly because going in I was like eh, Nessian, but I loved Nesta’s character development and the flirt-to-roast ratio with her and Cassian and every single time Cassian called her Nes or God help me ARCHERON, my soul reached another plane of existence. Don’t even get me started on that one time she called him General. The noise I made was not audible to human ears. 

That said, there were some parts that I was like: oh ok, that’s happening. So, because I cannot function without organization, let’s break down some of the major things that happened into a LIST WITH OPINIONS ATTACHED

Sexual Tension Fucking fuck, these two idiots. Pining after each other while both desperately wanting someone, anyone, to be like — please stay in bed and cuddle me all night?!?! Idiots. Both of them flush with power and the ability to make people legit terror before them and they’re so goddamn soft with each other. Which is kind of hysterical because they are also able to rip each other to shreds? Oh my God, some of those fight scenes, I just—my heart was in my throat. And I do not want to hear a single word of how CASSIAN IS MEAN TO NESTA? Were we reading the same book, internet? Bro is In Love. From the G E T. 

Which leads us to—

S O L S T I C E  God, rip my romantic-loving heart out of my body. Learning what was in the box from the solstice before made me screech and then the music. THE MUSIC. Can we talk about Cassian, feared general, dude who has canonically lost track of how many people he has killed, cornering an ENTIRE ORCHESTRA to recreate music for Nesta? I just—f u c k. It was a lot. A lot. And then we circle back around to how soft they were and there’ll never be another and I am going to have to pace around a bit. I loved it. I love them. I nearly screamed when it took Nesta a few more chapters to realize it was a mating bond, and then Cassian just bolted because he also couldn’t quite deal with it, and I am still not super sold on the mating bond, like, as a thing, but I kind of went into this book pretty certain this was going to happen, so...good. Also them arguing by the Sidra, oof. 

There was a lot of sex in this book. I knew there was going to be a lot of sex in this book. I must have told my husband four different times, “God, there is a lot of sex in this book.” Some of it was good. Some of it was kind of cloying in its descriptions. I genuinely lol’ed at Nesta fantasizing about being straight up railed by both Cassian and Azriel. (Why was that in there? Still don’t really know, felt a lot like very obvious fan service, but it was also kind of hysterical.)

JEALOUSY DIDN’T MAKE ME WANT TO RIP MY EYES OUT I hate jealousy plots. HATE THEM. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves in relationship writing, but I was super into it here??? Cassian cutting in on the dance and TAKING DANCING LESSONS. It was good. I enjoyed it. 

Nesta’s Power Yo. YO. This was really cool. She was terrifying and out of control, while also learning how to be in control and intimidating and I was like YES, GET IT. When Rhys flew into the House and Nesta was just wrapped in silver flames, that was super cool. Also Rhys being freaked out by her? Kind of bad ass, honestly. But. But! I wish it was explored even more. I wish we got to learn what she could really do and the extent to which she could do it, because I thought it was a fascinating possibility to parallel Nesta to Feyre and I don’t really think we got that. Like, Feyre Cursebreaker — with power given from all the High Lords, this bringer of new life and a fresh start for all the courts. Then her sister — with power stolen from the Cauldron itself and death at her fingertips. With all the comparisons of Feyre and Nesta, I really figured we’d be gunning towards that eventually ESPECIALLY with Feyre being pregnant, and the idea of life in that capacity. Also, what was the point of Lucien saying “Gods help you all” or whatever he said when he was watching Nesta train if...nothing ever really came from that? We’ll circle back around to that in a second, during what will be my ending-based soliloquy, but first let’s talk about—

Feyre Being Pregnant, Why That Kind of Felt Like Twilight and Why I Get Why Rhys Was Being an Idiot Listen, part of the reason I wanted to read this book was for what I assumed would be the Feysand crumbs we’d get. Most of me was convinced that this book would not take place in Velaris and I was mentally prepared for that. Color me pleasantly surprised when it wasn’t and we got an IC feast. But. But! Part two! I’ve mentioned how I’m never really here for...pregnancy being like this ultimate endgame, and I understand why Feysand wanted a kid and I get it, I do. Just the whole thing with she’s going to DIE felt very Bella Swan, was kind of dramatic in mela-sort of way and I TOTALLY GET WHY RHYS KEPT THE WINGS A SECRET. Was it idiotic? Yeah, of course. But I don’t think we talk about his trauma enough, really. Those fifty years under the Mountain are not just gong to disappear, and I cannot really blame him for totally losing his mind at even the idea of Feyre dying. This is not a dude who is trying to control Feyre. I’ve never felt that way about Rhys. At all. This is a dude who has already lost ALL of HIS control and is desperately trying to hang on. He’s already had his entire world shattered six ways to Sunday, this was obviously going to destroy him. Aside from, y’know, straight up killing him too. (That was dumb, guys.) And I think telling Feyre would have made it REAL for Rhys, which he obviously could not cope with. Was I surprised that Feyre’s pregnancy was such a big plot point in a book that was supposed to be super Nessian focused? Yeah, for sure. But also—I like established relationships and Feyre and Rhys could not stop making eyes at each other. Not totally here for the deadly pregnancy trope, not totally here for using family as a trauma recovery, but sort of understand it. 

Training, Valkyries and Friendship Bracelets Like I said, I thought this book was gong to take place in the Illyrian camps way more than it did, but I L O V E D the training sessions. Adored Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn’s friendship and how often they teamed up to snark Cassian and Azriel. I was painfully here for all three of them together and the sleepover in the House warmed the cockles of my cold, dead heart. Especially when the bracelets proved so important during the Blood Rite. Which—let’s talk about the Blood Rite. Didn’t expect that!! Was pleasantly surprised by that!! Nesta drawing the literal line in the dirt made me fist pump the air. (And is another parallel to Feyre and her taking inspiration from old Fae legends, but that’s neither here nor there, whatever I’m not here to harp on missed opportunity.) I thought it was really important that all three of them got to showcase their own power too, and how they worked SO WELL together and I was just really glad that there was such focus on this sisterhood outside of literal sisterhood. I thought those relationships were so well done and it was just such a joy to read about their growth and strength and I loved them. Am I here for Gwyn and Azriel? Maybe. Possibly more here for Emerie and Mor? Maybe maybe. 

The House I thought it was Amren, for a very long time. Like secretly helping Nesta still and I was really into that idea and really into Amren not being able to totally let Nesta go and I wasn’t really into Nesta bowing to Amren. 

THE ENDING Oh my God, so much happened. So quickly. With some occasionally jarring scene cuts. The Blood Rite surprised me, but I was not surprised by Cassian getting ensnared by the crown. Fully expected something like that to happen, was still making ridiculous noises when he tried to turn the dagger on himself instead of killing Nesta. LOST MY MIND WHEN NESTA UNMADE THE QUEEN. I’m still sort of...confused about the Trove, though. I know there are a fair number of hanging plot threads that are gong to lead into other stories, but I just—I don’t know, when they were talking about the High King and everything I sort of thought they were leading towards Nessian being that. I know the whole IC was very into Rhys and thematically it made sense, but also let’s consider—I don’t want that? Rhys needs to get his shit in order and his own Court to calm the fuck down and again I think the potential for LORD OF THE BASTARDS and LADY DEATH to ascend to this position of power and lead the world into this new era was there and I just, I don’t know, I liked the idea of it. Particularly when so many people have referred to Nesta as a Queen. That whole thing in the prison happened, y’know? I’m not sure (read: I’m fairly positive) that won’t happen now, especially because Nesta gave up so much of her power to save Feyre. And I know that’s a TALKING POINT™ but also...I was pretty cool with that? Once it came out that Feyre was going to die, it made sense that Nesta would be the one to save her—to twist death again, and kind of seize control of it. Granted, I’m still a little confused by the Trove and what everyone’s going to do with all that power, but Nesta saving Feyre was this perfect sort of wrap up. For me, at least. I think they balance each other out in a lot of respects, and that was really the last step of Nesta’s growth. Also, uh, back on my Feysand ‘ish and Rhys screaming and crying and trying to get to Feyre? o o o f. Also, also, RHYS BOWING TO NESTA. I CANNOT TELL YOU THE LAST TIME I CRIED AT A BOOK, BUT I CRIED AT THIS BOOK. RHYS, BABY, I ADORE YOU. 

Nesta Finding Herself I just really—liked it. I think sometimes in these sorts of stories we get people who are so focused on characters being “the bitch” and having an edge and we have a tendency to think that’s what makes them STRONG. Nah, that ain’t it, son. I don’t want to read about someone being a dick just for sake of being a dick. Nesta was NOT IN A GOOD PLACE. She was self-imploding and destroying herself and getting her POV made it blatantly clear that she thought she deserved that. That she truly believed she didn’t deserve anyone else. And as much as the romance was good and the friendships were fantastic, the key to this story was Nesta (as cheesy as it sounds) learning to love herself. To find worth in her own self. Reading about Nesta simply learning to want to live again, for no one except herself, was really, really good and I think, for the most part, well done. Which is why it makes sense that Nesta gives up some of her power. This isn’t about being A BAD BITCH, PATENT PENDING. This is about love, and joy and embracing your own faults. I get the disappointment over Nesta losing her power. I do. But I’m not sure she totally did? Maybe that’s too positive, or too naive, or something, but...whatever. 

Other things that I really enjoyed, include but are not limited to: Cassian having allergies Nesta absolutely decimating Tamlin. And Tamlin’s just like...a lion all the time now, huh? And, uh, also is Tamlin Gwyn’s dad??? Like, is that a thing? Am I crazy?  Nesta telling Elain to fuck off (Also, Elain—darling, I wish you got more character development. Elain is to SJM what Belle is to me in CS fic. Sometimes I think she just forgets about her.) Azriel calling out Cassian for getting BLOWN at the dining room table Azriel getting Nesta a Solstice gift and then THEY HUGGED Nesta wanting an over the top mating ceremony. Get it, girl.  Feyre going full on Court of Nightmares in the Hewn City Nesta making it down the steps

Other things I thought we’d get more of and just...didn’t Whatever the fuck Lucien has been up to, and more on the continent with Vassa and Juran More stuff in Illyria Reaction to the trio in the Blood Rite Amren and Nesta reconciling. I know Nesta apologized, but Amren kind of got on my nerves.  Nesta understandably criticizing the IC and their tendency to get a little sanctimonious.  THREE SISTER PEAKS. THREE BAT BOYS. THREE VALKYRIE. WHAT IS IT SARAH? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? 

[fellshish]

Hey! Same con anon here. Okay I need to explain myself before everyone starts thinking I'm copy pasta. It is important to me to find those cons because I want to show it to my sis. She hasn't watched the show and she sometimes make of fun of me for being crazy fan she says it is not worth it but on the other hand she is a die hard friends fan because that's the only show she has watched along with some other comedy one like tbbt and modern family and she thinks friends cast is the most fun cast ever and no will ever come close to them and I have nothing against friends, love the show and the cast but I wanted to show her spn cast is fun too. She always says spn cast is mainly all guys so they miss lot of elements and romantic aspects like the Ross and Rachel character had crush on each other irl that is something which cannot happen on a guys show and friends have both guys and girls so it is balanced and more fun. Now how am I supposed to tell her about the sexual tension of the gay angel and everything about destiel is cockles fault. (LGBT+ is a sensitive topic in the country where I live no one talks about it) At first I did not wanted to show her any j2m because sometime they use adult language or inappropriate jokes so I showed her the Matt cohen story of that plane where he sat next to rob who's mostly calm but that time rob freaked out on the plane but that story wasn't enough she told there's nothing funny there it's just an incident. And now I really want to show her things these men's do. I do not like when she says something about my obsession ik she doesn't mean it in a bad way but I like the show and it doesn't feel good when someone says something bad about it. Long story short I want to show her there are also other shows and those shows also have a fun cast. (It is not a competition which cast is better or more fun everyone is fun in their own way but it's just a matter that I want her to know that apart from friends there is also another crazier cast)

Alright, i hope you find what you’re looking for anon. Some sibling rivalry is normal, but don’t let it diminish your own enjoyment of spn ok ❤️ good luck!

[ibtk]

Book Review: THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY by Laura Jean McKay (2020)

(Full disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review through Edelweiss and Library Thing's Early Reviewers program. Content warning for violence, including that against animals. Caution: this review contains a spoiler in the form of an excerpt.)

'Well, I’ve got a secret for you, Miss Kimberly Russo.' She digs her sharp little nails into my skin. ‘What is it?’ ‘This flu means people can talk to animals.’ Her head shoots up. ‘I want the flu, Granny. Don’t you?’ ‘Grown-ups don’t wish they had diseases, and neither should you.’ ‘But don’t you?’ Outside, Wallamina and Princess Pie are nose and beak to the sliding door, trying to press their way through. Eyes shining. ‘Course I bloody do.’

I can see the wild in her. She looks and acts like any dog. Plays, wags, stares into my eyes with her baby browns; does chasey, catch, begs for biscuits. Then the dusk comes and she lifts her neck and howls the saddest song in all the world, and there’s that wild. Dingo, owl, night thing — that sound is a warning. Loneliest you’ll hear. Wraps around your face, your sleep, your dreams. She’s saying: ‘Hey, hey. There’s something coming.’ The rangers here are always telling me, don’t talk like that. They say how dingoes are just establishing territory, checking on their pack. Dingo admin. But stand on the hot road that runs from the gift shop to the enclosures, and listen to the dingo in her cage call out to the packs on the other side of the fence. Tell me that’s not special. Tell me she doesn’t know something about the world that you and me haven’t ever thought of.

Jean Bennett isn't you're typical grandma - unless you're picturing Gemma Teller Morrow, that is. Jean drinks, smokes, swears, and sleeps around, usually all at the same time, and occasionally with her gay and committed coworker, Andy. She's got a tiger tattooed on her boob, and a dingo named Sue imprinted on her heart.

A lowly guide who dreams of becoming a ranger, Jean works at an Australian wildlife park, run by her son's ex-girlfriend Angela and owned by Angela's father. Jean and her husband Graham landed there years ago, after bouncing around the world for a while. Eventually Graham left Jean to shack up with another woman; their only child, Lee, jumped ship too, but not before hooking up with - and impregnating - Angela. Now Ange mostly keeps Jean around for the free child care (and maybe also because Ange feels sorry for her).

As for Jean, she stays stuck in this weird, awkward morass for her granddaughter Kimberley - one of the few people she can tolerate, let alone love. Jean prefers animals of the nonhuman variety, and the Park's residents/captives are her found family. She has a special place in her cockles for Sue, a dingo mix who she helped rescue as a wee little pup.

Jean's precarious life is already teetering on the edge of chaos when THE FLU arrives - first in southern Australia, then at the Park's gates, thanks to none other than an infected Lee, as charming as he is irresponsible.

Zoanthropathy (from Greek: zóo, “animal”, anthroponis, “human”, pathy, “disorder”), aka zooflu, otherwise known as "the talking animal disease," allow humans to understand and communicate with other animals:

'The strain known as zoanthropathy affects cognition in humans, and it is believed that enhanced communication between humans and nonhuman animals is possible. Zoanthropathy is hosted and spread by humans. [...] The disease is very high in morbidity and very low in mortality. Infected humans appear able to communicate (encode) and translate (decode) previously unrecognisable non-verbal communications via major senses such as sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound with nonhuman animals.'

When Lee runs off with Kimberley - to commune with the whales on the southern coast - Jean embarks on a cross-country road trip to find them. Riding shotgun is Sue, whose keen nose points the way to Tomorrow (Tomorrow being Sue's conceptualization of Kimberley. Jean is Yesterday, and Lee is Never There. Scathing, yet accurate.)

As with most potentially animal-friendly tales, I was equally nervous and excited to dive into THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY. As it is, the book both thrilled and disappointed me; I almost feel like it deserves two separate ratings, one for the idea and actualization of the dystopian zooflu future - which is breathtaking - and another for the human-centered plot that propels the audience's journey into this world - which is decidedly less so.

Let's start with the zooflu. It seems like it would be awesome to be able to talk to animals, right? Think again. I mean, really turn the idea over in your head, sit with the superpower, and try to envision what this might entail. Given that most of the nonhumans we encounter on the daily are exploited, oppressed, or otherwise negatively impacted by humans -

be it the 25 million farmed animals we create, torture, and kill for food every year in the US alone; the "wildlife" (read: free-living animals) we displace, starve, and kill through habitat loss; the dogs and cats we buy, neglect, and then abandon at shelters; or the animals we unintentionally hit with our cars (or the bugs we trod on just walking down the street); etc. x infinity

- we are weapons of mass destruction. To most of our nonhuman kin (and sometimes our fellow humans, too). Instead of words of wisdom and messages of hope, we'd be more likely to hear cries of terror. Confusion. Pain and agony. Hellfire, everywhere. Created and fueled by us and our own.

Heck, I'm not even sure it would be beneficial to always know exactly what our beloved, nonhuman family members are thinking. I have a fifteen-year-old dog named Finn who's going deaf and blind and battling dementia. More often than not, I suspect that being privy to his innermost thoughts would freak me the fuck out. Not to mention break my damn heart.

And then there's the mode of communication: not just just verbal, as we're used to, but all-encompassing: "sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound." Think pheromones, sound waves, scratches and ticks. The beating of countless tiny wings, all bombarding your brain and trying to tell you something. That kind of thing, coming at you uninvited and from all directions, is apt to drive a person mad. And it does, as evidenced by zooflu sufferers who stuff their orifices with whatever's handy to block incoming stimuli - or, at the more extreme end, the pseudo-religious trepanners who invite strangers to drill holes in their skulls in a misguided attempt to relieve the pressure.

Talking to animals sounds like the stuff of dreams - but in McKay's hands, it's a nightmare.

And a pretty trippy one, at that: fittingly, the incoming messages that Jean's left to decode aren't quite what you'd call straightforward. There's a lot of translation required, and Google hasn't yet caught up:

I’m reading her body like some language I barely remember from a high school textbook. Bonjour madame, connaissez-vous le chemin de la gare? Let’s go to the station. Or, where the hell is the supermarket? I can parrot the words, but the meaning is in scraps.

Copies of this book should be sold with a sheet of acid, or maybe some edibles. I kid, but also not.

If, like me, you assumed that increased understanding and compassion would surely spring forth from this newfound ability to communicate with nonhuman animals, you'd be wrong. While some people do indeed embrace the flu, many others lash out: animal-free zones are established, and hungry citizens start hunting former pets, since they make for easy prey (apparently they've never heard of fruits and veggies?).

There's one especially excruciating scene that I don't think I'll ever be able to forget. Jean takes refuge in a makeshift church, only to catch a glimpse of how the missionaries make their sausage (stew):

A small fluffy dog has pelted out a kitchen door, thin bit of twine tangled around its legs, body blonde fire, screaming, Hello. Please. Please bite its soft. Quick. Help me. I jump up, calling the poor little bugger, but the parishioners shriek louder, climbing on their chairs like that dog is the snake from the garden of Eden. The woman rushes for her daughter and hauls her by an arm out of the room. It’s funny, for a second, until the laugh dies in my throat. The little dog, too tangled in the twine to move, slumps panting in the aisle. It’s not just m e. Where’s other me. She’s still — The god-botherers are faster than me. They grab that dog with WWF wrestling passion, using real lumps of wood, real knives. The little dog has enough time to issue a thick whiff of terror from its undercarriage, Help her, before they’ve slit it ear to ear right there in the pulpit. There was no blood with Lee. He didn’t even look that drowned. He might have come alive any moment. He might be alive right now in his grave. This little dog, though, is bleeding out on the beige carpet. The door to the kitchen is open. Matthew the soup cook leans on the jamb, then turns back. A fluffy tail on a chopping board. The steaming pots. Pain like a stab to my guts — he stirs a soup very much like the one he was serving up in the park.

Of course, this scene is so repulsive to most of us - Jean included - only because the animal being killed and consumed is designated for "companionship" instead of "food," at least in this particular culture. Chances are you've known and loved a dog or two yourself - and so the doomed beast transforms from a something to a someone. Not an unfeeling object to be used and discarded at will, but a sentient creature with her own feelings, desires, and loved ones. Had it been a chicken or pig, the result wouldn't be quite so horrifying; Jean herself eats meat, and justifies doing so, on several occasions.

Yet an earlier scene - in which Jean comes upon an abandoned tractor trailer truck packed with pigs destined for slaughter - will hopefully challenge readers to expand their circle of compassion:

I’ve seen battery hogs before — of course I have. But not out and about. Not staggering around and trying to walk, calling to whatever they think is ‘more’. Glazed eyes that strain like they’ve never seen sunlight. Skin stretched over bodies fed to the point of bursting — something between swine and meat. Saw some animal liberationists on the street in the city one time, saying factory farms were the same as Nazi camps. I called them bloody racists too. The pigs clatter past me down the ramp, fucked-up eyes on the road ahead, calling, Hello is it more. Those animal nutters were wrong, but not in the way I thought. It’s not the same as the Nazis: that was us doing to us. What’s this? [...] A hurt sow sits on her haunches, then lies down on the verge, panting unevenly under the slathering sun. Another weaves blindly over the asphalt toward her, flies spinning around her head. They push their noses into each other. Send me a postcard, the sick one says. Postcard, indeed. What the fuck. I watch more closely. The meaning bright off that tight skin. All the little bits saying, Leave me, and, I’ll hear about it, and, Don’t you see it. Move on. There’s more. The ones that can walk stretch their legs, for, More, more, more. I stand at the top of the truck ramp watching them break into a group trot toward the next paddock. Skin rippling. Hooves carolling. Know that heart-in-your-mouth run. Know exactly what ‘more’ is. I’ve seen it in Lee and I’ve had it too, at times. These pigs are half dead, they’re stumbling around, blind, mad, and fucking hopeful.

Even if many of the characters in this book resist the humanity clearly evident in nonhuman animals, I hope that readers will hold these passages close - especially at the dinner table.

Sue, our main nonhuman protagonist, is a fascinating character; like many of the semi-domesticated animals in the park, McKay paints her as a series of conflicting impulses: safety or freedom. Hunger or satiation. Dingoes or humans. She is fiercely loyal, much to her own detriment. She has wants and needs of her own, and she's often satisfied to set them aside for the good of her (adopted) pack.

And I guess that brings me to the second half of this review: the humans, most of whom are awful. Jean, exponentially so.

Initially I thought that Jean would be my people: she's a hard-drinking, mold-breaking badass broad who gets on better with animals than people. She has a mini-rescue in her backyard where she keeps some of the park's doomed relinquishments. (The public treats the park like a rehab facility when in fact it's in the business of entertainment - old, sick, injured, and "common" animals are routinely killed.) She and Kimberley spend their afternoons together designing the animal rescue they hope to build one day.

But Jean is kind of a terrible person. To call her a misanthrope is half the story: she's also senselessly mean and cruel, especially when drunk, hungover, or frustrated (in other words, 90% of the time). I don't fault Jean for her substance abuse problem - alcoholism is a mental health issue and should be treated as such - but nor is it an excuse for being such an asshole. (There's even a scene where she trolls people discussing the zooflu online, like a fucking American redhat.) She's shit to everyone around her, except for Kimberley and Lee (Lee, who could use a good ass-kicking).

And then there's Sue: Sue, who followed Jean across the damn country when she should have been settling into a dingo pack of her own. Sue, who found Kimberley and saved Jean's life. Sue, who is nothing but good and true and trustworthy. Sue, who Jean assaults on multiple occasions: kicking her in the ribs, binding her with rope to prevent her escape, and even trying to shoot her (with a gun that's thankfully empty of bullets). At one point, she "forgives" Sue for saving her life - as if Sue's the one who needs forgiveness!

Despite the abuse, Sue continues to stick by Jean's side, which galled me endlessly. Towards the end of the story, following the attempted murder, Sue gets revenge of a sort, dominating a delirious Jean and forcing her subservience. However, the book ends shortly thereafter, cutting any sense of satisfaction far too short.

I really felt cheated with Jean: I thought she might be my avatar in this world - but she's just another terrible human who doesn't deserve the company of animals.

Likewise, the whole subplot involving Kimberley's parentage is way over the top dramatic and unnecessary; it seemed like we were being plucked from a dystopia and dropped into a soap opera for a minute there. Just, gross. So yeah, there are definitely some aspects of the book that I appreciated more than others. THE ANIMALS IN THAT COUNTRY may be imperfect - but I'd still wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone looking to explore our relationship to nonhuman animals in a dystopian setting.

[go-diane-winchester]

What happened to Jensen during the last panel at Jibcon 2017?

A fellow fan sent in this ask: 

Jensen’s breakdown was at Jibcon 2017? Everybody was laughing during that (more than tipsy) panel with Jensen and Misha but I felt so sorry for Jensen! He wasn’t good at all! Was it because of hellers? How?   

Thank you so very much for that question, because the hellers have been using it as proof of destiel for awhile.  The crowd was laughing in the beginning, until Jensen's behavior became more erratic and by the time he got weepy, they got quiet.  You also have to factor in how many people were laughing and how many of them were hellers.  This is the rantings of a heller with regards to that Jibcon 17 panel.  The bold and italics have been added by me. 

This is more of an ‘in-your-face’ flirt panel, with Jensen stripping down to his underwear and asking if Misha is excited, ‘rawrr’, “when in Rome”, the flirty looks, every single second of this panel is gold. But to me, this is also a very big example of how comfortable Jensen is around Misha and vice versa. Yes, Jensen’s a little drunk and that’s because he had a hard time coping with some deep stuff, which does come out during the panel. Misha is there to support him, and Misha is there to anchor him, to make him laugh and feel good again. Jensen gravitates towards Misha always during every panel, but during this panel Jensen is absolutely throwing himself at Misha ever chance he gets. Despite all the dick-showing, leg-spreading, rawrs, and flirty comments, the thing that gets me Most during this panel will probably always be XXX. (or maybe the moment they come on stage and sing at each other (guys we’re here too) and touch hands.

First of all, what happened at Jibcon was a very horrible thing.  Fans, mostly non-hellers knew off the bat, that something was wrong.  Even I had thought that maybe he was drunk.  But I wondered why this person, who is a con veteran, and who has done more than a 100 cons couldn't deal with alcohol on stage.  Its not the first time they have had apple juice.  Jensen is known for his professionalism.  This was not his normal behavior.  However, people who were at the con, said adamantly that Jensen was not drunk.  They couldn't smell any reeks of alcohol on him.  And if you watch the footage carefully, you will see that he isn’t even slurring.  He had blood shot and swollen eyes from crying too much, before he got on stage.  Both he and Misha mentioned that on stage.  And if he behaves like that every time he gets drunk, how come we have never heard stories about similar behavior before.  How come Jensen never flashed anyone else?  How come he did it on stage, at a con, in front of people who had cameras with them?

You will notice Jensen had a burst of energy when he came on stage, where he was talking so much that he wasn't even listening to Misha or letting Misha speak.  He was making loud noises and singing and only the truly deluded will miss the panic on Misha's face.  When Misha forcefully [he had to, because Jensen wasn't even letting him speak] changed the topic, Jensen went from boisterous and loud to a weeping mess.   Jensen's behavior was extremely specific.  He was putting on a performance that would please one group of people:  the cocklehellers.  Why?  He cant stand them.  Everything the heller above said, is proof of how cruel these people are, and how they are so obsessed with their ship that they are blinded to everything else.  All they could see was Jensen whoring himself to them.  They couldn't see the distress in his eyes.  Heck, they couldn't even see the distress in Misha's eyes, and he is their overlord.   

Watch Misha's reaction during the panel.  If you watched the hilarious exchange between Jared, Misha and a Jib fan, where the meaning of influence was changed forever in fandom, you will know that Misha likes to ratchet up the vulgarity.  If someone says something dirty, he wants to ''out dirty'' them.  He didn't want Jared to sexually one up him.  The crux of that exchange was that Misha ''is the bottom'', according to Misha himself.  That was the only real take away for him because he doesn't like it.  Not only does Misha want to push destiel, but he wants it done, in a specific way.  Misha wants to be the one with sexual power - the alpha.  That is why he doesn't push sastiel, because Jared doesn't allow him that power.  Jensen is timid and power will immediately go into Misha's hand. 

That is why he was completely out of sorts.   Not only was  he no longer in the position of power, but he was getting nervous, and the reason was because he had never seen Jensen behave like that before.  Misha was not feeling awkward.  He was getting nervous because he could see something was wrong and they were on stage in front of people with cameras.  He didn't know what was wrong.  He didn't care about the sickness part of it, because if he did, he wouldn't have brought up a trigger from earlier in the day.  Especially when he had seen with his own eyes what it had done to Jensen earlier.  He said, with his own mouth, he tried to hug Jensen because Jensen was crying so much, but Jensen didn't want Misha touching him. 

Jensen was, most likely suffering a mild mixed episode similar to Cyclothymia, Mania and Hypomania.  Being very verbocious, inappropriately loud and happy, sounds like Hypomania whilst turning into a weeping mess twenty minutes later, denotes Cyclothymia.   A person experiencing a mixed episode will rapidly change between abnormal happiness or euphoria and sadness or irritability.  Men suffer from this type of episode more.  Now remember, I am not saying Jensen has Cyclothymia because these are frequently lifelong conditions.  And I don't know Jensen's day and night habits, unlike Jared who share everything, so we can only guess.  I am just saying that the symptoms matched up. 

More shockingly, some sufferers don't even know they have a condition and some people only have one episode their entire life.  That is what I think happened to Jensen.  He is healthy and takes care of himself and his health, so then what triggered the episode.  Jensen mentioned once that he had sleep-related issues, because he couldn't get to sleep and was reading Jared's text.  Jensen even told a hilarious story about kicking down a hotel room door because he needed so badly, to go to sleep.  Jet lag, the Saturday Night concert and Jensen's anxiety over the impending panel might have triggered the episode.

So what was freaking him out about this panel?  Six months earlier, at Jaxcon, Jensen was asked by a heller about Dr Sexy and Destiel.  He said ''Destiel doesn't exist''.  The hellers got very angry, sending him reams of tweets bullying him, verbally bashing him, calling him a homophobe and threatening his life.  For six months he said nothing.  For six months Misha pandered to the hellers more and more.  My one question to hellers is, if they are all such freaking good friends, why didn't Jensen tell Misha ''Hey man, tell your fans to back off''.  And why didn't Misha listen.    Jibcon is the only con where Jensen has a panel with Misha.  He doesn't like Jibcon because the Cockles panel is always sexual.  Remember the fake orgasm.  But this time he needed to use the panel to appease those people, to stop them from bullying him.  That is why his episode seemed so uncharacteristically vulgar and Cockles friendly.  Taking off his pants, telling Misha to pick a leg, all his behavior was geared towards Misha so that Misha's fans will back off and leave him alone.  Jensen doesn't behave like that usually. 

That explains why Jared shut the panel down earlier than scheduled.  And Jensen made it very vocal, how relieved he was about that.  In the next Jib, Jared got sick.  He freaked one fan out, who recounted her encounter with him during autos, because he kept staring at her, while she was walking away.  When she said she loved him, he just looked at her confused.  Jensen left his autos to be with Jared on stage.  Jared had explained the next day, that he had allergy issues.  No!  What allergies cause symptoms like that?  He was contemplating the Cockles panel and the spanner he was planning to throw in the works.  Because he knew that hellers were going to tear him apart.  And tear him apart, they did.  I have those receipts.  Jared didn't ''crash'' last year's panel.  If he had, you would have seen surprise on Misha's face.  It was pre-planned.  Hellers will convince themselves that Jensen or Misha or their fairy godmothers were very disappointed at seeing him, but even the smart ones know that is not true. 

I really wish I could add the gifs, abusive tweets and pictures from Jib, but Tumblr is not allowing me.  DM me if you want them.  I hope this response suffices, dear.  Have a nice day.    Citation: http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Mixed-episode.html#ixzz5chVNtTvN https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hypomania-and-mania/#.XD4hWBt7nVI

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/bipolar-disorders/expert-q-and-a

Edit:

I was notified just now that I didn't add why he was upset.  He had met two YANA volunteers earlier.  I didn't add that, because I don't believe meeting them upset him.  Jensen has met dying children and veterans as part of his work.  He doesn't break down that like.  How come these two ladies messed him up?  No, he was already upset.  Meeting them didn't do that.  That's is what Misha and everyone else assumed.  What was Jensen going to do?  Tell them the truth. 

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I SWEAR TO GOD WHAT THE HELL ITS HAPPENING????? AT THIS POINT I JUST THINK THEY JUST FORGOT TO COME OUT????? THEY ARE ACTING LIKE THAT AND BEING “WAIT WHY ARE PEOPLE FREAKING OUT SO MUCH”???? OH MY LITERAL GOD HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAP

y'all weren't kidding when you said you could feel something big was coming huh. sigh. hi! welcome to: the gang freaks out about misha's text in my inbox

instantly my first thought upon seeing misha’s text: “he sounds like that in the morning.”

they woke up together on the regular <3

GUNSHOTS WAKE UP DID YOU SEE MISHA’S TEXT??? he misses jensen so much :(((

yes :(( and me too :((

*adjusts tinhat* d-do you think misha originally took that photo to send to jensen? like a “hurry up and come in here, the pink blankey and i miss you.” ...

oh my god anon its too early for this i dont need to get emotional!!! on god i believe he texts him pics like this every day

have you seen misha's text yet??

no

girl wake up new cockles content

july is gonna be our month i can feel it!!!!!!!!

hi did anybody else get the fact that he never said that pic was while filming supernatural. like it was a little weird to not add 'in vancouver while filming [episode title]' My theory is that its a little joke because that pic is ACTUALLY in jensens apartment NOW when hes filming the boys from like a week ago. It seems like something he would do amen

oh my god i cant do 'cockles are living together rn' truthing today but you are very brave <3

ROSE ROSE ROSE ARE YOU AWAKE????? MISHA’S JENSEN TEXT!!! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK I’M SCREAMING????? HELP!!! what 👏🏽 was 👏🏽 the 👏🏽 reason 👏🏽 misha ??? he really said i miss my march 1st baby OUTLOUD without really saying it outright i- MISHA WHATS UR @ SERIOUSLY!! - 🦋 anon

misha said happy pride to my husband and our perceivers and i thank him for that <3

Rose I hope you have a very nice sleep and are not suffering throughout this major cockles event in the middle of the night. ANYWAYS I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY I CAN'T BREATHE 'SPARE ROOM' 'HIS BLANKY' SIR - anon anon

*looks into the camera* so anyways i woke up pretty much around the time you messaged me this and i am dead tired now

hehehe once again you've made the mistake of going to bed. I think imma stay up to see your reaction to the sleepover in a few hours ;) -🐢

hope i didnt dissapoint dsjhfsjfhsjhf

I’m just here to apologize that once again you were asleep when the fandom decided to start on fire <3

thank you darling i feel like i deserve some financiel compensation tbh

To all of the other anons who will undoubtedly be in gunshot's traditional freak out post with me (looking forward to all of y'alls reactions 😂), I really hope you've enjoyed this fantastic ending to pride month. Misha really chose to share that info wth us!! I haven't slept much this week because each night gets crazier. We're all thriving in this dumpster right now - 🐢

god bless we ARE all thriving!!!!

i cant deal with the Love You script dropping on the same day that misha posts both a t&s pride post and That Text. so misha is invested enough to know that the script dropped today in all likelihood. and. i. help. help. help.

🍭

yeah yeah yeah exactly nonnie exactly

my tumblr has been crazy, i haven't been able to send you asks until now 🥺 my posts are not showing in the tags...anyway tumblr staff already fix the problem with the asks so at least I can be loud in here.

crazy everything is just crazy! Misha's post, Misha's message, Goodbye Stranger script...all I'm missing is for Jensen to pull a heller!Jensen on main and i'm dead

Hope you have a beautiful day!!

-🐣

yeah tumblr fucked up and turned on my asks yesterday wtf, i hope your problem gets fixed soon!

and i hope you have the best day too!!!

we get to see misha today too i can't do this

oh god me neither

THEY WERE DOING LAUNDRY TOGETHER AFTER ALL

JDFHJSHFHSJ YEAH FUCKING HELLLL

this is just me speculating but is it a coincidence Misha is thinking about “lasts” especially the last night sleeping at Jensen’s, on the last day of pride????? *insert incredibles coincidence I think not gif*

its never a coincidence, everything this chaos machine does is on purpose

You woke up much earlier than expected! I legit thought that I had lost track of time scrolling through the madness that is the cockles tag right now. Sorry that you're going to be dragging for the rest of your day. Misha ensures that only he gets sleep when he pulls these stunts -🐢

lmao it was already light outside and i kept thinking about the misha text so i thought fuck it lets forget sleep, i need to cockles truth on main before i have to go to work <3

I’m sorry. I died. 🦚

me too!

*head in hands*, affectionate - tea anon

happy second month of pride everyone

cheers to that!!

had a thought: that one time the fan asked misha about them sharing clothes in 2018 and he joked, “it’s easy for our clothes to get mixed up, that’s all. whose is whose, you know, when you’re putting it on.” and “now everyone’s like ‘hmm, how’d the laundry get mixed up, guys?’” i hate him. i hate that it’s not implausible now. i hate.

how many times do i have to tell y'all that misha uses jokes to mask the truth <3 he was telling us the truth!

[deadmomjokes]

Is your kitty really called Prickle Butt?😂😍

Oh, not my kitty, but one from when I worked at the shelter. I doubt the folks who adopted him kept the name (like the dog I dubbed Sir Wigglesworth, I think they renamed him Frankie or something lame).

But Prickle Butt was a tiny kitten, probably only about 6 weeks old or so, and the guy who found him was super allergic to cats so he brought him to us. Poor PB only weighed about half a pound at most, was way under size for as developed as his teeth were, and was essentially all fluff. And ANGER.

Prickle Butt would not stop popping and hissing and hollering at us any time we dared to so much as look at him. Which was often, because he was adorable. All black, big buggy blue eyes, and because he was a longhair kitten, whenever he would get grumpy he would poof out and turn into essentially an irl soot sprite. And he did the grumpy numnum sound when he ate. We tried to leave him alone for the first half-day that he was there, to see if he’d calm down a bit before we had to stress him out with sex check and the more thorough once-over to check he was healthy, which is why we didn’t find out until later that half the reason he was so grumpy was because he had a gigantic cockle burr the size of his head wrapped up in his fur and seated squarely over his tiny bootyhole.

I had to wrap him in a washcloth and get someone to help me trim his butt fur down so we could cut the burr off, and he hissed at us the entire time. Which was still adorable. But as soon as we shaved his pants off and got rid of the burr, got him cleaned up, and popped him back into his kennel with a double helping of milky kitten food, he started chilling out. It still took 3 more days for him to accept the fact that we were going to hold him no matter what, but as soon as he realized we weren’t going away, he became a total cuddle monster.

Pro tip: if you have a tiny orphan kitten who could still really use mama but doesn’t have one around, get someone with boobs to drop the baby into their cleavage and watch the purring commence. It also helps calm the baby because it’s next to a heartbeat which they love, and also helps keep them warm while they digest. It works especially well for bottle babies (and for keeping track of which ones you’ve fed already, just drop the greedy boogers into your shirt while you work on the others), but Prickle Butt loved a good cleavage snuggle after gorging himself on wet food.

And yes, I was responsible for the name. I had a cat named Puffy Butt when I was younger, because that was the sum of his personality. Everything freaked him out so he was in a near-constant state of having a very puffy butt. And Prickle Butt reminded me so much of his attitude that I couldn’t resist.

I wish I had a real picture, but this is a close approximation of what he looked like:

Imagine that hissing and popping and making all kinds of squawky noises at you. It was hilarious and adorable and I miss Prickle Butt.

[serious-writers-block]

Vessel - Chapter 28

Summary: Sam and Dean thought their lives were a living hell. When they find a young girl who shares their name and family business, neither of them can help but be curious about who she is and what she can do for them

Previous

Series Masterlist

A week later they were still staying at Jody’s in Sioux Falls. Mary spent as much time in the backyard as possible, avoiding all contact with her brothers and the girls as possible. Claire had gone away on a hunt earlier in the week, but returned to find Mary still isolating herself and the rest of the hunters discussing the young Winchester through tense whispers and hushed tones.

 “What happened in Peoria that you haven’t told me?” Jody asked the brothers again. They’d told her about the children’s bodies and about Mary killing the nun, but had left out what the demon priest had said about MJ’s childhood and the conversation Dean had had with his sister at the lookout point.

 “She’s still not talking to any of you?” Claire asked after setting her bag down at the door. She had heard only portions of the conversation, but knew immediately it was about the young hunter.

 Sam sighed, “I don’t know what’s going on. We were with her the whole time. What could we have missed?”

 Dean finally relented, “I think it’s something that happened before… Before any of us knew her, I mean. When she lived at the house.”

 “Dean,” Sam warned, “you talked to her-”

 “No, I mean…” Dean’s words trailed off.

 “What are you talking about?” Jody asked, not following the brothers’ cryptic dialogue.

 “The demon said something about the priest… well…” Dean couldn’t find the words.

 “It claimed the priest molested Mary.”

 Jody’s voice was laced with concern, “what?” Claire lowered herself to sit beside Jody, unable to believe the trauma such an event would have caused. 

 “But Dean talked to her and she said nothing like that ever happened,” Sam quickly added, “demons lie so we figured… well, we thought that’s all it was, a lie.”

 “And now?” Claire hesitantly asked.

 “Now… I don’t know,” the younger Winchester decided, “I don’t know why she’s acting like this. She’s never done this before.”

 “Dean?” Jody turned to him, wanting to know exactly what he thought, “you’re the one who asked her. Do you think she was telling the truth?”

 He slowly stood from the dusty old couch and placed his empty beer bottle on the coffee table, “I think she told me what she felt was right.” He pulled his jacket from the arm rest and shrugged it on, “I don’t think she’ll say anything else until she’s ready to.”

 “Where are you going?” Claire asked, watching him walk toward the back door.

 “A walk,” he didn’t look back at the group before he left the house. They all knew he was going to try and talk to Mary again, but no one wanted to say it for fear of jinxing any possible success.

 ~~

 “Hey, kiddo,” Dean said, finding his sister sitting on a fallen log near an old oak tree, “mind if I join you?” She shrugged in response, still unwilling to speak to him. “I think,” he cleared his throat, “I think I owe you an apology.” His words surprised her and she turned to look at him with furrowed brows. “I snapped at you, back in Peoria. I think… well to be honest, I think I see a lot of me in you and it pisses me off. Don’t get me wrong, I see a lot of Sam in you, but man, when I saw your face after everything that happened… I felt like I was looking into a damn mirror.”

 A confession such as this was the last thing Mary expected from her older brother and she struggled to hide her reaction. “You look like you’re about to laugh at me,” Dean said with a smile after seeing her face, “but I swear, kid, sometimes you scare the shit out of me.” MJ’s face softened at that. “You deserve better than me. You deserve better than that, than all the shit you’ve been dealt. I’m sorry if I got mad at you and I’m sorry if I did something that pissed you off. I’m sorry if people at the foster home did something to you and I’m sorry you got left there for so long, I just… I want to help do better and help you feel better but I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me, MJ.”

 Dean’s words were cut off when his sister latched onto him in a bone crushing hug. She still didn’t say anything, but the sincerity of the affection was all Dean wanted. It was all he needed. “Kid, I just want you to be okay.”

 She looked up at him but remained in his arms, “I will be. I am.” Dean looked like he could cry when she finally spoke to him. He squeezed her tighter for fear that she’d distance herself again. “I’m sorry if I scared you. I just… I’ve been in my head. Just been thinking a lot.”

 “About?” he pulled away enough to look at her, but kept an arm draped over her shoulder.

 She sighed, “everything. The foster home, the demons, the Holy Spirit, the priest. Everything, man.”

 “And?”

 “And I don’t know,” she admitted, “sometimes, I don’t even know what’s real and what isn’t.” Dean nodded, though he wasn’t entirely sure what she meant, “what the demon said, when it was possessing Father…”

 “MJ, you don’t-”

 “No, it’s,” she shook her head. She wanted to talk about it this time, she felt okay talking about it, “it’s not what you think. The demon never actually said he did anything. He didn’t. At least, he didn’t do what you think. I don’t know, he yelled a lot. He threw things at us, but usually the boys got the worst of it. Sister Sarah used to say he had a sweet spot for me, but I never really knew why. I guess what the demon said has just… I don’t know…”

 “Demons lie,” he reminded her, using the same explanation she had used for him.

 “Yeah, I guess,” she agreed, “I guess it’s over now. He’s in the past… they’re in the past.” Silence fell over the siblings, both unsure of where to go with the conversation. “I can’t get it out of my head.”

 “What?”

 “The nursery rhyme. ‘Mary, Mary quite contrary…’”

 “Sam said it’s about Queen Mary. Maybe the demons think you’re like royalty,” he suggested, “you are a Winchester.”

 “Dean,” she disagreed, “Queen Mary murdered hundreds of her subjects. The poem asks how she managed to kill so many people in such a small amount of time.”

 “But the garden-”

 “’Mary, Mary quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With silver bells and cockle shells, and pretty maids all in a row.’” She recited the nursery rhyme from memory, “it answers the question with allusions to her torture instruments. The garden is a cemetery. They’re not calling me royalty; they’re comparing me to Bloody friggin’ Mary.”

 “They could’ve written that for any number of reasons. Hell, they could’ve done it just to freak you out.”

 She shook her head, “they wanted me to know it was my fault. They’re dead because of me. I killed Sister Sarah and those kids are dead because the demons wanted me.”

 “MJ,” he sighed, “we talked about this. It ain’t your fault.”

 “But in a way, it is,” she insisted, “just like it’s my fault my foster parents in Chicago died.”

 “No,” he tried again, “you were a kid. How were you supposed to know a demon was coming after you?

 “But if I hadn’t been there-”

 “You would’ve been with dad. You didn’t choose to grow up in foster homes, MJ. Hell, you’ve made it clear from the day I met you that you should’ve grown up with us. If you want to blame someone for putting those kids at risk, blame Dad. It’s not on you, kid. You did everything you could to protect them. He left you in a foster home, knowing what he knew, knowing how many demons and monsters would come after you if they found out you were his daughter.” Mary looked up at her older brother, wondering where the sudden passion had come from. When she first laid eyes on him in the diner in Peoria, Dean looked tired. Not just tired, exhausted. There was little light in his eyes at the time. Until now, she had rarely seen him so sure of anything. “Kid, we screwed up. We should’ve been there for you.”

 MJ shook her head again, “you didn’t know, Dean. Neither of you knew.”

 “Dad-”

 “You’re not responsible for his actions.”

 He sighed, “neither are you.”

 She laughed at his attempt to relieve her of her sense of guilt, “we sound like a broken record.”

 “Do you even know what a record is?”

 “Alright jerk face, I’m not that young,” she shoved him playfully.

 “You are the baby,” he shrugged, “how old are you, twelve?” She laughed again, happy to see her brother in a cheerful mood. His smile fell as he thought back to their last talk in Peoria, “you know you can tell me anything, right kid?”

 She gave him a sincere look, “yeah, Dean, I know.” She pulled her jacket tighter around her, the autumn night bringing a chill to the air. “Thank you.”

 “For what?”

 “For everything,” she shrugged, “I don’t know, for being here, I guess. For being my brother.”

 Dean looked like he could cry, “come on sweetheart, let’s not turn this into a Nicholas Sparks movie.” At that, he nodded his head toward the house, urging his sister to rejoin the land of the living after her week of ignoring the world.

 “You know who Nicholas Sparks is?” She asked as they walked. 

“Shut up,” he groaned with a laugh. The pair returned to Jody’s living room wearing smiles, insisting that MJ was fine and only needed time to mourn her former foster family. Though it wasn’t the whole truth, it was enough for the rest of the hunters to relax and for the conversation to be dropped for the time being. 

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Fanfic Writers Appreciation Day!

I looove reading fanfics. There are soo many talented people out there and I am sure I am forgetting some but this is my way of trying to remind y’all how amazing you are and how much I appriciate all the hard work that goes into every single fic!

One Shots

Unsteady (Dean x Reader) by @torn-and-frayed 

This one shot is so amazing it made me cry and that rarely happens. Especially with one shot. Steph is one of the best Dean writers out there and this is just perfection!

Free  (Dean x Reader) by @torn-and-frayed​

I hate you for making me love this!!!

In My Veins  (Dean x Reader) by @torn-and-frayed​ 

Again heartbreakingly beautiful. Angst is an amazing skill and Steph master it to perfection!  

For Fucks Sake, Jared (Jensen x Reader) by @jayankles 

LMAO interrupting Jared is one of my fav Jareds :D

Father’s Day Surprises (Misha x Reader) by @the-awkward-writer

I love Misha. And daddy!Misha... kill me now. Misha is an amazing parent and I love seeing fics that celebrate that.

Babe, where’s my razor? (Dean x Reader) by @thevioletthourr

Who wouldn’t hide Dean’s razor if they had the chance too?!

Sixty Seconds (Dean x Reader) by @thevioletthourr

This fic is written in a way you know something is coming as soon as you start reading. Doesn’t hurt any freaking less when you are hit with it!

Forever Young (Dean x Reader) by @thevioletthourr

Not gonna lie! This one will freaking hurt but it is so beautifully written.

I’m Yours (Dean x Reader) by @deanssweetheart23

This is probably my all time fav one shot. I have read it 5 times and everytime it makes me feel better!

Something Stupid (Like I Love You) (Dean x Reader) by @deanssweetheart23

Jealous Dean but in the possible way. Such an underrated writer. Go check her out!

Austin (Jared x Reader) by @impalaimagining

Based on one of my fav songs and the story did not dissappoint me one bit :D

You’re My Home (Jared x Reader) by @impalaimagining

Probably my favorite Jared one shot!

The Way You Look Tonight (Jensen x Reader) by @impalaimagining

Gah it is just sooooo cute!

You Promised Me Forever (Dean x Reader) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

This can be summed up in whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!

Flowers on Your Grave (Dean x Reader) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

QUIT BEING MEAN TO DEAN AND MAKE ME LOVE IT!

Suck it, Cupid (Sam x Reader) by @winchesterprincessbride

Hands down my fav Sam writer and this is just soooo cute!

Martha Stewart Has Left the Bunker (Sam x Reader) by @winchesterprincessbride

Probably the only writer that can make me wanna smack Dean and kiss Sam :P

Broken (Dean x Reader) by @percywinchester27

OUCH!! But it is so real and as so amazing. Read the warnings before you read though!

Dee (Dean x Reader) by @percywinchester27 

Sooo many brother and Dean feels!!!

Constellation (Dean x Reader) by @percywinchester27

Everytime I feel bad I read this and I feel better right away!

Against All Odds (Destiel) by @impala-dreamer

Ouch! It hurts so good!

You Should Join Me (Dean x Reader) by @impala-dreamer

YAS PLEASE!! You read my mind on this Beka!

She Waits (Chuck x Reader) by  @mysupernaturalfics

I rarely read Chuck but this is sooo damn beautiful and I adore this song!

Amazing Grace (How Sweet The Sound) (Cas x Reader) by @mysupernaturalfics

Ignore the dorky ass title! This one is hot af!

Whiskey and the Road (Dean x Reader) by @ellen-reincarnated1967

Andi wrote this for one of my challenges. It always stuck with me. It is so damn beautiful

Homeless (Destiel) by @deansleather

Don’t even get me started on this one. I want a series of this one. It is just sooo good. 

Sleeping Positions 101 (Destiel) by @deansleather

So darn cute! I love fluffy destiel :D

I’m In (Dean x Reader) by @deansleather

Dean is the bestest and Maddy is awesome. That’s all :D

The Walk (Misha x Reader) by @curliesallovertheplace

No one fluffs like this girl and I agree with your statement about that gif soo much

Let Me Count The Ways (Dean x Reader) by @bringmesomepie56

Arie always makes me need a Dean!

Concrete Angel (Dean x Reader) by @chaos-and-the-calm67

This will make you cry!

Rumor Has It (Cockles x Reader) by @manawhaat and @mrswhozeewhatsis

Fangirl dream come true right here!

Fools In Love (Jensen x Reader x Danneel) by @manawhaat

My forever favorite poly fic! It is just sooo goood!

Mesmerising things (Misha x Reader) by @adriellej

Miss I can’t write Misha and nails it! I love this fic!

No such thing as too short shorts (Dean x Reader) by @winchesterswoonathon

I couldn’t not add this!! So damn hot!!

Mad World (Misha x Reader) by @blacktithe7

First time she writes Misha and she makes me cry! I don’t know if I should hug her or kill her :P

Hallelujah (Jensen x Reader) by @blacktithe7

Angsty bitch!! OUCH!!!

Barcelona (Dean x Reader) by @pinknerdpanda

I love this. We all say things without thinking sometimes but not all are as good as making up for them as Dean. 

Series

Send the Pain Below Series Masterlist (Jensen x Reader) by @torn-and-frayed

Will probably always be one of my fav Jensen series. It is sooo good and real. I wanted to hug everyone and slap most through this. And this reader is so amazing. So is Jensen but I am biast there :P

With All My Heart (Jensen x Reader) by @torn-and-frayed

I so regret the way I phrased this request! But I will never regret making it :D

First Degree Burns (Dean x Reader) by @jayankles

Firefighter Dean is a weakness of mine! And Dean with a kid does not help!

Daddy’s Nugget (Dean x Reader) by @jayankles

Again Daddy Dean is a huuuge weakness and Lizzie is adorable!

Across the Milenia (J2 AU sorta... Not sure what do call the pairing but it is awesome!) by @spncovenverse

J2 fic yes. But the wives are in it and are very much as amazing as in real life! It is a beaufiful story and it has this gorgeous blog dedicated to the story!

The Morning After (Jensen x Reader) by @the-awkward-writer

Sweet and endeering story about how a spur of the moment mariage turns into a real wedding. Love this story!

The Arrangement (Dean x Reader) by @ravengirl94

I devoured this series in one sitting and I was sooo sad when there wasn’t any more parts! But Emily is doing a sequel so YAS!

Hold On, I’m Coming (Dean x Reader) by @ravengirl94

Again firefighter Dean. But more than that... all the little puns to the series. It is just amazing. I love it sooo much! And Dean is perfect so there is that. And a gsd mix!

Unspoken (Jensen x Reader, Jared x Reader) by @wheresthekillswitch

I am routing for Jensen here. Not just cause Jensen but they are perfect together and has been best friends since they were little.

The Falcon and the Wolf Series (Dean x Reader) by @emilywritesaboutdean

LOOOOVE one of my fav movies and Emily’s take on it is soooo good!

With You By My Side (Jensen x Reader) by @like-a-bag-of-potatoes

*glares at Ida* I don’t wanna add this cause it cost me sooo much pain but I can’t not add it either!

The Package (Jensen x Reader) by @mrsjohnsmith

I can’t describe how much I am hoping for an update on this one. It is so sweet and good and real and gah

Tic Tac Toe (Sam x Reader) by @percywinchester27

My fav Sam series! I love it so so much I don’t even have words.

Stroke of luck (Dean x Reader) by @percywinchester27

I don’t think reading any series ever made me whine and complain so much. Sorry Ana but I promise you all the whinning means I love it dearly!

Sons of Lawrence (Dean x Reader) by @mrs-squirrel-chester

This series damn near killed me! In the best way possible! Urgh!

Against the Ropes (Dean x Reader) by @mrs-squirrel-chester

I didn’t know I needed a boxer Dean in my life before I read this series and now I want more and I already forced one time stamp out of her ... ;S

Simple Man (Dean x Reader) by @luci-in-trenchcoats

The reader and Dean are both such asses in this. But both has good reason. And I love it.

Crack Under Pressure (Jensen x Reader) by @mysupernaturalfics

This one is so sweet. I love the young love and playful relationship!

Counsel (Sam x Reader) by @mysupernaturalfics

This one will give you a few surprises. And it is soo good!

First Impressions and Second Chances (Misha x Reader) by @ruined-by-destiel

I can’t even begin to explain how much I love this series!

Strictly Professional (Misha x Reader) by @splendidcas 

There is a lack of great Misha series out there so when Shan wrote one I was sooo happy!

Summer Fling (Dean x Reader) by @supernatural-jackles

Pretty sure this is my fav on going series!

Perfect (Jensen x Reader) by @supernatural-jackles

This series has a fitting name. It truly is perfect. Even if Y/N and Jensen are a couple of dumbasses for not seeing how much they love each other sooner.

A Perfect Storm (Dean x Reader) by @nichelle-my-belle

I got no idea how this is what fell into Nichelle’s head after my request but fuck it is awesome and I will love it forever!

YouTube Sensation (Jensen x Reader) by @bringmesomepie56

Where is the rest of it Arie???!!

A Little Thing Called Love (Jensen x Reader) by @chaos-and-the-calm67

I repeat: Where is the rest of it Bev??

Friendly Neighbor (Dean x Reader) by @ilostmyshoe-79

One of the first fanfics I read! And I still adore it!

Singer’s Automotive (Dean x Reader) by @ilostmyshoe-79

As a Dean girl with a very soft spot for Cas you really put me through the ringer on this one!

Neighborhood Connections (Destiel) by @i-dont-know-how-to-write

I really hope this will continue at some point cause I need to know things :D

Hearts Wide Open (Jensen x Reader) by @d-s-winchester

An Amazing summer series. 

Just A Little Bit Longer (Jensen x Reader) by @jalove-wecallhimdean

My dream vacation right here!

Someone to Watch Over Me (Dean x Reader) by @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

I was on the edge of my seat all the way through! So damn good!

An Unassuming Life (Dean x Reader) by @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

I love domestic Dean and I love Mimi’s writing so this was a huge win!

Everything Dean and Donna (Deonna) by @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog

I blame Mimi for shipping these two beauties! I love these fics sooo much!

The Littlest Winchester (Dean x Reader - sorta) by @sophisticated-angel

I adore this collection! Dean is the best daddy ever and his kid is so darn awesome!

Forward (Jensen x Reader) by @blacktithe7

Such a rollercoaster and it give slow burn a new meaning! I love it!

Silk and Rough Velvet by @blacktithe7

My fav Jensen series forever and always! Rockstar!Jensen need I say more?

Prophet City (Dean x Reader) by @winchesterenthusiast

I am obsessed and so patiently waiting for more :D

Unexpectedly (Dean x Reader) by @winchesterenthusiast

Soooo cute. I love it and I want more :D

Daddy!Samverse (Sam x Reader) by @teamfreewill-imagine

Yaaaas that is as cute as it sounds and it has uncle cas and dean too!

Soft Hair and Single (Jensen x Reader) by @teamfreewill-imagine

I love this series. Danneel positivity and a cutie patotie JJ :D 

12 Dates of Christmas/True Fluff Series (Dean x Reader) by @iwantthedean

Fluffy perfection right here!

Out of the Park (Jensen x Reader) by @iwantthedean

Just imagine Jensen in that ball cap and all gruff! GAH I miss this series!

Behind the Story (Jensen x Reader) by @sleepywinchester

I am obsessed! Like really. Twitter updates gives me life!

Written on the Wrist (Dean x Reader) by @angelkurenai

This is so unique and wonderful. I don’t read soulmate AUs but I love this one so much!

Friends After All (Dean x Reader, Sam x Reader) by @angelkurenai

Again I don’t really like triangle but this one is beyond amazing. Will forever be one of my fav series!

The Future Series (Jensen x Reader) by @one-shots-supernatural

I love this series so much even if it made me cry recently! And I love Kayla worked in CM :D

A New Roommate (Dean x Reader) by @one-shots-supernatural

Dean is perfect! And I adore the readers angelic family :D

Love & War (Dean x Reader) by @winchester-writes

Gaaah I love Dean in historical pieces. This is just sooo good and sweet!

Waimea (Dean x Reader) by @manawhaat

This series is so beautifully written you feel as if you are on the beach with them

NOT SPN FICS

The Pretzels  (Steve Rogers x Reader) by @jayankles

Sooo cute and hot. What a view to walk in on!

Stay Alive (Tom Hiddleston x Reader) by @pastapizzacheesedragon

Prepare to get your heart ripped out and stomped on!

Postcards (Bucky x Reader) by @sebbytrash

So sweet it will make your teeth fall out!

Drinking Games (Chris x Reader x Seb) by @emilyevanston

I blame Katie and this fic for my new obsession with poly!

The Boy Next Door (Chris x Reader) by @emilyevanston

Don’t act so surprised Katie! You knew this would be on here! :D

Sleeping Angel On The London Tube (Kit Harington x Reader) by @kitharingtonfanfiction

My cheeks still hurt from smiling :D

Your Wildest Dreams (Jensen x Reader x Chris) by @blacktithe7

Not sure where to put this one, but read it. It is a dream come true!

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on TRR Book 2 Chapter 3

• I KNEW we wouldn't find out much from Tina! At least not much that the reader doesn't already know - that Tariq thought it was his room, someone told him the MC liked him back, yadayada. The only "new" information is that it was one of the court ladies. "Which leaves out at least half the court, YAY!" Oh Maxwell 😂 Trust you to find the bright side to everything.

• So we finally get to the part I thought would have been present from the first chapter. How the press treats the MC. And how, as someone who has suffered its mudslinging, the MC needs to spin the story to her advantage. You know what Justin's line about sticking to your spin on the story reminds me of? Madeleine! Back at the beginning of the Apple Blossom festival, the MC tells Bertrand that the Countess effectively "spins everything positively for herself". If you notice...most of the soundbytes Madeleine gives in Book 1 practically revolve around her "love for Cordonia". If the MC wants to be Queen, she will be basically using Madeleine's acumen combined with her own sense of justice and goodwill. If not, she will be still fighting Madeleine with her own weapons (if it turns out that Madeleine had an important part to play in the plot). Basically - whether the reader wants the MC to be Queen or not - Book 2 might also be able to show her playing Madeleine at her own game.

• Barn building. Kinda fun no matter who you pick. My personal favourite was seeing Hana vent her frustrations on those nails. You tell those nails, girl! 😂 Later on in the diamond scene, if you choose to go to Liam and pick the neutral option (asking him about barn building), he tells you it's symbolic of a new couple starting out their life together.

• Hana telling the MC that she's never had best friends before if you choose her neutral option at the spa 😔 I got your back, girl, I got your back 💜 (Buuuut I'm happy because I wrote the same line in a fic I'm currently doing and now it's canon!!)

• My phone screen just fogged up. So. Many. Abs. *wipes sweat off forehead*

• I loved the story behind Maxwell's hippo tattoo 😍 I'm probably reaching a bit here but all the main men in the story (except Drake, because his stories revolve around Savannah) seem to have memories that mainly revolve around their mums. The hedge maze and the guitar (and possibly the whole freaking conspiracy too) for Liam, and the hippo tattoo for Maxwell. We got hints in Maxwell's pre-Coronation diamond scene about his relationship with his mother, but this story shows us exactly how close he was to her.

• As someone who grew up plus sized (and unlike Maxwell, is still plus sized and proud xD) I personally connected with the hippo story. In an age when people can be found shaming kids for their weight and their bodies, Maxwell's story about his mother boosting his confidence warmed the cockles of my heart. Thank you, Maxwell. Sniff.

• So I chose the "hot tub with Liam" option, and you get to do a tiny massage and kiss him. One of my favourite (because I am THIRSTY OMG) lines in the entire chapter follows:

Guh. Buh. Fluh. 😳

• It's a foregone conclusion by now that if our King were to don a Halloween costume, it would be Dracula. Goes straight for the jugular, this man.

• What evidence about the way the photograph was taken will we find at the picnic? I DON'T KNOW. But I'm suspecting it will be a tiny tidbit like Tina's evidence was. Everything is going to bring us back to Court, basically.

• For every shipper in this book, today was literally and figuratively "water, water, everywhere but not a drop to drink".

• I never thought I'd say this, but I also miss Olivia. Hope she makes it back to Court sometime!

[saturnine-cas]

You are absolutely right. He only said I am kidding, WE, WE love Misha and I am saying that only because otherwise I get hated. How low can they go. They gang up on one person and make jokes and participate in photo-ops which are bullying towards Misha and yet feel sorry for themselves, that they cannot even bully their colleagues. They are aware of the hate, but only the hate they receive, making it look like Misha fans are bad. But lot of Misha fans are using this as proof of Cockles. UGH!!!!

Hello Anon! Yeah it freaks me out how many people jumped on the “but the important thing is that Jensen loves Misha!!” wagon. First of all he said WE, so nope no Cockles in sight, and second of all the people these two could call out in 13 years, THIS is when Jensen chooses to say something, completely missing the point may I add.

Seriously speaking, I don’t know if what they do to Misha can be called bullying. I would have to be privy to their relationship, which I am not. What I do know is that I do not think their behaviour contributes positively to the fandom. When 80% of what people who hate Misha say could be a direct quote from one of their “jokes”, I think there’s a fucking problem, don’t you?

Do they promote what Misha does? Barely, if ever. Does any of them, including Misha, give any indication they even talk to each other if they’re not on set or at a convention? Nope.

What I know is that Misha, who jokes & occasionally says stupid shit too!!, talks with respect of how much they care about their characters. He’s been wearing FBBC stuff since months. I think there’s a picture of him with every charity t shirt they ever did. His charity is used as a funds distributor for their own charity efforts. Random Acts fucking financed that AKF candlelight thing for Jared and did you ever hear Jared even just saying the words “Random Acts” (please tell me if he ever did because I don’t follow him like that so I may have missed it). Jensen’s wife (and possibly Jared’s) is a board member of RA and I wouldn’t know if I didn’t go check Rachel Minr’s profile there!!! Jesus, is Misha a goddamn dirty secret?!

Meanwhile, there’s no problem giving psycho tinhatters their fair share of cuddles on stage, innuendos of all sort, and the reassurance that nope, that other weird guy doesn’t matter that much every Sunday or two. So I have to fucking wonder, do they LIKE to please that kind of people? Do they care that people use them as props in hateful photo ops? Do they care setting straight people calling their wives beards, their families fake, their friends hanger ons and their colleagues wayward irrelevant bitches?

Apparently, they don’t.

They could have called out so many people in these years, damn it they could have talked about how the rape joke drama went out of control (I would have agreed, even if I think people still had the right to be offended/hurt). But nope. Their issue is that they can’t insult Misha on stage as much as they want to. We’re officially in middle school!!

And I don’t know how to write short answers, sorry :P

[hencethebravery]

Title: “The Spooky Truth with Dr. Jones,” (1/2)

Summary: Emma Swan is a podcaster looking for a semi-interesting story. Dr. Killian Jones is a paranormal investigator who doesn’t believe in the paranormal. Emma Swan absolutely does not want to write this story—but it seems to be writing itself. A CS Black Tapes AU.

Notes: This delightful little AU was 100% inspired by The Black Tapes, a seriously awesome fictional horror podcast that you can listen to for free. Which you should. Right now. I’d like to thank and/or notify a # of awesome people who helped with this: @seastarved @zengoalie @ofshipsandswans @abbadons-little-witch @the-reason-to-sail-home @businesscasualprincess @swanandapirate (who also wrote a podcast AU, so if you like this, you should probably check it out). Also on Ao3.

+ Honestly, the worst thing about this job is the constant threat of, “You have a face too pretty for radio,” every time she has to conduct an interview with some bland fuck-boy that the country has suddenly decided is worth her time. If not for the occasionally tedious subject matter and overeager interviewees, it would be damn near perfect.

It’s certainly odd, considering how long she’d spent trying to make herself invisible; avoiding friends and relationships in exchange for the blissful quiet of self-imposed isolation, all while maintaining her carefully constructed state of emotional constipation.

“They’re not my friends,” trying to explain to her producer, David, “they’re my subjects.”

Snorting, with an affectionate rolling of his eyes, “That’s awfully sentimental of you, Emma.”

“Except you,” her words starting to run sloppily together, resting a warm, heavy arm around his neck, “you’re a regular ‘prince charming.’”

“Yeah, yeah,” brushing off the compliment but she can see it in his eyes, how much he cares, and while it still makes her vaguely uncomfortable, it’s nice knowing there’s somebody in her corner. “Let’s get you to bed, ‘princess.’”

It was supposed to be a one-off episode, part of a larger story about people and professions and why we do what we do to get by—defining ourselves through our work, that kind of thing. She had done a few episodes already; one on geo-caching, another one focusing on a lady who actually got paid to paint the claws of people’s cats. And that was when David had gently knocked on her office door and told her about a conference about the paranormal going on at the local college, and would she, maybe, like to attend?

 She had been in the midst of sorting through a rather demoralizing gallery of neon-colored cat toenails when he’d made the suggestion, so it wasn’t hard to imagine the gusto with which she flew out of her chair; oversized bag of gum, phone chargers, and pencils swung over one shoulder, her knee-length boots half-zipped up her calves, “Yeah,” she answered excitedly, “I’m on it!”

“Dr. Killian Jones is handsome,” she speaks into her dictaphone later that night, an unfamiliar vibrato of excitement painting her words, “there’s no point in denying it. I won’t have my young, impressionable female listeners hanging on his every lovely, accented word thinking this guy isn’t as good looking as he sounds.”

 She considers the, frankly, unreal color of his stupidly blue eyes and continues, “But I don’t want there to be any kind of confusion. Dr. Killian Jones is a real dick.”

The lecture hall is louder, busier, and fuller than she’s ever seen it before. She’s taken a few classes here, attended a few events, and she can say with absolute confidence that this campus has never seen such a to-do in all its many, stuffy years.

The hall is a diverse mix, but there's an unusually large amount of tittering freshmen, and she can't help but feel as if she might be missing something.

She puts that exact question to a rather excitable group of young women (and men), all of them clutching copies of the same book. It's large, hardcover, she can barely make out the thick, dramatic eyebrows of the author on the back.

“So, uh, what's with the crowd?”

A young man wearing bold, square frames and a bowtie covered in tiny ghosts answers incredulously, “How can you not know?”

 “Don't be rude, Jefferson,” interrupts a small, dark-haired brunette, her lipstick a bright, fire engine red. “Dr. Killian Jones,” she answers happily, handing Emma a copy of her book, “expert in all things fucked up and certifiably creepy.”

 Emma skims the almost revelatory reviews on the back as the girl continues, “The accent and the eyes don't hurt either.”

 “Not a damn bit,” the kid with the bowtie, Jefferson, mumbles under his breath.

 Emma releases a sigh. There's no point in being coy, she'd actually been excited about this. Turns out it's nothing more than an academic peep show.

 “You should stick around,” the girl comments carefully, her grin shrewd, “I don't think you'll regret it.

“Here’s the thing about me,” she reflects carefully, a half-empty bottle of beer dangling from her fingertips, “I’m skeptical, but I don’t begrudge people their beliefs.”

It probably has something to do with the absolutely devastating, trope-tastic childhood that she carries around with her like a brand. All those years yearning for some kind of “happily ever after,” when really it was just one bleak foster home after another, disappointment upon disappointment upon disappointment. But for a while? It was all that had kept her going.

“I would have given up otherwise,” a dry sniff, a cough that attempts to hide an unwelcome truth, “no matter how idealistic—stories… even the crazy ones, were everything.”

She pauses the recording, takes another swig of the warm beer in her hand, and pictures Killian Jones’ smug face, stiff blazer, and distinctly non-professorial jewelry. Recording.

“Asshole.”

“But what’s wrong with letting people believe what they believe…? If it brings them comfort?”

Emma’s sure this kid couldn’t look anymore nervous if she tried, the flushed cheeks and shaky hands an obvious betrayal of her adoration and fear of this guy. Sure, the deep, dulcet tones of his voice were what radio jockeys dreamed of, and yes, maybe the black stud in his ear managed to convey so authentic a quality that it had to be seen to be believed, but still—the all-knowing grin and perfect teeth were undoubtedly punch-worthy.

“I would never want to deny someone their comfort,” he begins gently, a charming twinkle in his eye, “but there’s quite a bit more at stake, love—”

Impossibly, the girl blushes even deeper as he continues, “Your intentions, while quite admirable, they undermine the integrity of scientific fact, and in this day and age, well…”

He laughs and the entire room joins in, even the girl who had asked the question, and Emma can’t help but feel that if she were to pull her aside at the end of the night, she would have insisted that he had done her some kind of favor.

Unsurprisingly, the rest of the night seems as if it will continue in much the same way. The guy has an answer to absolutely everything, and nothing has gotten under her skin more. He’s unshakeable in his rightness, in the certainty of his argument and his devotion to the truth with a capital “T.”

 It would be almost admirable if it wasn’t so obviously a lie.

She decides to conduct street interviews the next day, nothing too formal, just the usual method of stopping folks on the street, inquiring after their views about the supernatural; make sure they feel comfortable and get honest, usable content.

“And you don’t think this tone of yours will influence their ‘honesty?’” David asks slyly, his smile familiar and deliberate and she’s had just about enough of how well he knows her sometimes.

“What tone? I just wanna prove to the guy that maybe he’s a little bit wrong about things.”

“No,” he laughs, shuffling around a pile of folders on top of his desk, “you want to humiliate him.”

“That would be unprofessional.”

“And no one would ever accuse you of that.”

She very professionally admits that she manages to speak with a handful of people who would agree with Dr. Killian Jones. They find belief in the supernatural, the magical, the unbelievable, to be a failing of the human mind, not a strength. A few of them even mentioned him by name, “That doctor, you know,” and she had to physically stop herself from recoiling, “the one with the accent. He’s got the right idea.”

But there’s also the vast majority of people who harbor some kind of belief in the unknown, even if it’s the teeniest, vaguest inkling—they want to believe, “And it warms the cockles of my cold, dead heart.”

It’s his answer to the last question that really seals the deal—acting as confirmation of the steadily growing theory that there’s a lot more to Jones’ “mission” than he’d like his enamored audiences to believe. It’s when the story that Emma Swan has started to write in her head goes from “so-so” to “award-winning.” It’s also when she gets the small blotch of ink on her face.

She’s just about ready to throw in the towel, hasn’t been able to stop anxiously chewing on the cap of the pen she had shoved into her mouth to keep from groaning at all of his well-crafted answers, when a stern-faced, well-dressed woman stands to speak.

Her voice seems to ring unusually loud in the suddenly hushed auditorium, and Emma’s eyes immediately swivel to the doctor’s face, which has, almost indiscernibly, shifted from charming to mildly concerned. Interesting.

“Yes, I have a question, Dr. Jones.”

He adjusts slightly in his seat, straightening the lapel of his blazer and clearing his throat, “Of course, darling, have at it.”

“You seem to have so many answers, and you’re so knowledgeable about all of these incomprehensible matters, I just have to know—”

“At this point, I’m so freaking enraptured by this ladies’ pantsuit, it’s all I can do to keep my butt in the seat,” there’s now a few empties strewn about the floor as she paces excitedly back and forth, her finger manically tapping against the side of the recorder, “In fact, I was so interested in this question that I happened to get pen ink all over my face,” she pauses, “but that’s neither here nor there. Point is, this lady stands up and says—”

“What happened to Milah Gold?”

A new, almost threatening kind of silence falls over the room. It had been “hushed” when Miss Pantsuit had stood up initially, but truthfully, there was still a smattering of noise you might usually attribute to normal human movement; the rustling of a candy wrapper, a small cough or shared whisper between friends, but the silence in the wake of this particular question, is, well, it’s almost spooky, isn’t it?

It’s like a vacuum has sucked all the air from the room, especially when you consider the fact that Jones’ face is so red it’s almost purple. His lips tighten and move together as if he’s about speak… and that’s when the goddamn lights go out.

“No shit?” David asks, distracted over the phone, his voice tinny and distant. She can hear Mary Margaret and the baby in the distance, the sound of a live studio audience clapping in time with his wife’s sickeningly sweet singing voice.

Emma’s own voice is high and fast as she walks quickly back to her car, a near-frigid October breeze whipping her hair into a frenzy against flushed cheeks, her boots still charmingly unzipped around her legs. “David, it was fucking wild. The lights went out.”

“So you said,” he laughs and says something to the baby in a squeaky, high-pitched voice she can’t help but roll her eyes at, “So, uh, you think there’s a story here?”

“Fucking hell, David, yes, yes, I think there’s a story here.”

“Well, you know I trust you,” Emma holds her breath as she stares at the strange, excited expression on the face of the woman reflected in the semi-frosted glass of her car window, “Go for it.”

It takes her a moment to realize that in the time spent walking from the lecture hall to her car, she’s somehow depleted all of her oxygen, and she has to quickly inhale before responding. Not to mention the fact of that damnable spot of ink still barely noticeable on the high apple of her stupid cheeks and she knows David’s waiting for an answer but it’s the freaking principle of the thing. She’s already about to lose a few cool points, with her back now resting heavily against the door of the VW, summoning the courage to be emotive for once in her pathetic life.

“Thank you, David. Seriously, I mean it.”

“No need to thank me,” he answers gently, “Emma Swan always gets her man.”

It will pain her to admit it, but there’s little room to exaggerate when she later tries to describe the undeniable smoothness of Dr. Killian Jones after the absurdly dramatic disruption of his, so far, grossly successful night of win, after win, after win. There’s some light shrieking and girlish giggling in the darkness of the auditorium, and Emma’s almost positive there’s a hand lost up a skirt somewhere, but as soon as the lights come up a few minutes later, it’s as if the whole thing never happened.

Pantsuit hasn’t plopped her proper butt back into her seat, but there’s a grin on Jones’ face that almost makes her believe he had planned the whole thing to catch her out. He makes some crack about the auditorium being haunted, “But don’t quote me on that,” winks, and turns those insane eyes back on the witch (Because she’s gotta be, right?) in the third row.

“The matter of Milah Gold’s disappearance is still up for a debate,” he answers firmly, succinctly, “and in all fairness I’m not quite certain why you would bring it up here.”

The witch in business attire takes a seat after that perfunctory response, and then, finally, after an almost masturbatory few hours in which Dr. Killian Jones manages to elevate himself to a pedestal so high she’s certain his body would explode on impact were he to do the whole world a favor and fling himself off, Emma Swan remains carefully still in her seat, waiting for the adoring fans to file out. Her recorder waits impatiently in the pocket of David’s denim jacket, at least three sizes too big, and she’s secretly yearning for the red leather number lost under her bed somewhere.

The pencil she’d tugged out of the rat’s nest on top of her head is tapping restlessly against her knee and goddamn, does she just want to get this guy alone. And she’s preparing herself because she just knows at this point, that when she gets within a hair’s breadth of his stupid face, he’s going to smell amazing—like warm, decadent cologne and expensive coffee. And she’s going to stare at his lips and her knees will undoubtedly quiver at the way he says… words.

“Come on, Emma,” she whispers furiously, wiping the unattractive, crusty remnants of old, useless sleep gathering at the corners of her eyes, “let’s give this guy something he’ll actually be afraid of.”

Whichever marketing firm designed August Booth’s website is a freaking genius.

“Well,” he laughs, blushing slightly, “thank you, Miss Swan.”

She meets him at his office in a town called Storybrooke, about an hour south of Portland, and calling it quaint would be an understatement. The people in this town would appear to be so close they’ve got a running schedule for everyone else’s daily fiber intake, and she wants to leave almost as soon as she arrives.

“So, it’s gotta be the pie or something, right?”

The guy’s charming, she’ll give him that, if not a bit… empty. Which is vague, she knows, and she’ll have to revise the language at a later date, but when she considers his laughter in her room later that night it’s the first word that’ll come to mind. Empty ideas, empty gestures, just… he’s there, but no one’s really home. Dr. Jones is a dramatic, performative jackass, there’s absolutely no doubt—but what’s not up for debate is his passion. The man obviously cares. Now, exactly what he cares about and why? That’s up for discussion.

“I don’t think I know what you mean,” smiling, but again, it’s all a bit off.

“Small towns like this,” she explains, “a lot of the time the reason people give for sticking around. It’s a signature dish or an old, anthropomorphic tree or something.”

“Ah,” he answers, turning around to face a large, imposing bookcase, “it does have... something.”

When she says “large,” she means floor to freaking ceiling. Emma’s got bookcases that David has called “large,” and she snaps a picture on her phone because this? This is large. Not only does it extend from the persian rug-covered floor to the water-stained ceiling, the thing is the width of the entire wall, one end to the other. Every shelf, every inch of available space is occupied, either with books, VHS cases, manuscripts, or various occult objects you couldn’t pay her to actually touch (she’s not so much with the tempting of fate).

“Jesus, does it spin around, too?”

She might pretend he doesn’t flinch at the Jesus-bomb, but regardless, he smiles again, of course, and makes some kind of Scooby-Doo reference she chooses to ignore.

He’s kinder up close and she wants to die. Basically. The anger is harder to use when she can see how fucking sweet he’s being to the gaggle of students hanging around, how he’s actually listening to their questions and comments instead of continuing the performance she had watched him perfectly execute on stage.

“I understand where you’re coming from, truly,” his hand pressed firmly, earnestly against his own chest, “but I’ve seen the damage it can do, and I have to take my own comfort in what I can actually see.”

He offers yet another winning, gentle grin, signs a few more books, confirms or denies a few more rumors, and she watches, entranced, as he collapses into his seat with a sigh. She almost feels bad for the guy. Almost.

“I know you’re there,” he starts kindly, his arm flung tiredly over his eyes, “no worries, love, I won’t bite.”

“What’s with the pet names?” she asks sweetly, dropping heavily into the seat across from him, “Does the tenure let you get away with that?”

He seems to lose his balance even though he’s seated, surprised at the vaguely mean, pointed quality of an older voice, “You’re not a student.”

“And you are very smart,” she responds kindly, her own smile adopting the least genuine feeling of kindness she can hope to convey, dragging her press pass out from beneath her flannel, “Emma Swan, ACRS.”

“Radio?”

The inviting, gentle nature she had witnessed earlier seems to have evaporated and there’s a part of her, a small, small part, that kind of hates what she’s about to do. As if it would kill her to make another friend.

“It’s a podcast.”

“I’m sorry, a what?”

“It’s radio. Look, don’t you think it’s just a little bit strange that—”

“Let me stop you right there, Miss Swan—”

Thus beginning the era of “interview interruptus,” as she would so gleefully begin later, trying and failing to conceal her pride at using a term she had coined a few months earlier. There was lots of fake politeness and huffs of frustrated breath and eye-rolling and honestly she barely got to ask a question let alone receive any answers, and he must have been getting just as irate as she was because the guy actually had the nerve to—

“What the hell are you doing?”

Realizing that she was standing dangerously close to this man, stepping out of his wickedly tempting sphere of handsome, academic influence (and she was right about the expensive coffee thing).

“You had some ink on your cheek,” he answered quietly, as if he were surprised at his own movement, his hand slowly returning to his side. “My apologies.”

“It’s fine,” she said sharply, swiping her hand over her face, “don’t worry about it.”

“Miss Swan,” he paused, “Emma.”

His brief silence was heavy, and while in reality it was probably only a few seconds, it felt as if hours of contemplation went by. It seemed like he was devoting so much energy, so much careful attention to his next words to her, and honestly, it was kind of refreshing.

“I understand you’re skeptical, alright? I’ve been known to doubt on occasion as well.”

She rolls her eyes and he smiles, his pronounced cheeks adorably flushed, “But I’m bloody exhausted, I could use some rest. Here’s my card.”

It’s just a normal business card, which is pretty disappointing. Could’ve at least used some holo-graphics or something.

“E-mail me, give me a call. We can talk then.”

Emma Swan is well-versed in the complex, many-layered looks of suspicion and distaste. She’s not quite sure which one she’s decided to unleash on the good doctor here, but from the look on his face it’s not too far off from the one she’d given Neal when he had tried to “bury the hatchet,” as it were. His face softens and he releases a quiet breath, a new, patient smile on his face.

“Try something new, darling. It’s called trust.”

And that’s when she runs for her car.

You can tell that August Booth wants to be able to pull off that genuine, trustworthy thing that Dr. Jones is able to convey so well, which is what makes it that much more distasteful to observe.

“I didn’t even think they made VHS tapes anymore.”

August glances back at her over his shoulder with a mischievous look on his face, or at the very least, trying to be. It’s a little bit like a teenager who thinks they’ve managed to pull one over on the teacher, when really they’re about to be sent to summer school.

“They do, actually,” he starts, pulling a black tape off the shelf, “something about the way it records. Catches it better.”

“Never thought I would hear that,” she answers, following his path across the room to an old television with a large player stacked beneath it. “Catches what better?”

A few hours later she’s calling, e-mailing, and texting Dr. Killian Jones, trying to temper the excitable tone of her voice, “Hey, Dr. Handsome? Yeah, I hope you’re well-rested. I’ve got something you need to see.”

Dropping her phone almost directly into the good doctor’s hot coffee probably isn’t the best idea she’s ever had, but it’s certainly one of the more dramatic.

“I hope you know that I won’t be paying for that,” he starts calmly, his eyebrow predictably, adorably quirked.

“Don’t quirk that thing at me,” she answers hotly, pulling the phone away at the corner, wiping the liquid off on her jeans, “she’s endured a whole lot worse than your shitty coffee.”

He takes an actual, delicate sip of his hot, expensive, garbage coffee and she thinks, gleefully, of all the articles she’s read about problematic coffee bean importation and the fact that this self-righteous jerkface actually thinks he’s taking the moral high ground right now before she tries to hand the phone over yet again. Slower this time.

“Watch it,” insistently pushing the phone into his hand, “I think you’ll find it... enlightening.”

“I can assure you, Swan,” slowly returning his mug to the table, his eyes never leaving hers as he tugs it from her fingers, “it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see about that.”

She probably should’ve warned him, the screaming is pretty loud.

Exorcism footage is undeniably fucked, and she’s starting to regret the re-watch rabbit hole she tumbled down the night before. She hadn’t slept much, and between the violent, erratic spasming and otherworldly shrieking she’s not sure she’ll be sleeping ever again, thank you very much. It is worth it, however, for the shocked, offended look on his face when Alex Reagan, aged 10 or 11, lets out an ungodly shriek so loud that the barista behind the counter drops a bucket full of dirty mugs and dishes. (And, okay, she does feel slightly bad about that.)

“Good God, Swan,” he hisses angrily, desperately trying to mute her phone before it gives the older lady in the corner booth a heart attack, “you could see fit to warn a man.”

“Oops.”

His sigh of frustration is almost erotically gratifying, and she unleashes a smug, self-satisfied grin of her own before he resumes the video, at a much lower volume this time, and a serene sense of concentration seems to envelop him as he watches the entire 10 minute clip.

It had seemed pretty legitimate, in her admittedly amateur opinion. Maybe she hadn’t spent her whole life debunking the paranormal, but she liked to think she had a pretty good instinct for these things. August Booth was a shady character, there was no doubt in her mind of that, but this tape—and the others? They had to be real.

Her voice is clear, steady, and entirely unimpeded by snacks as she records. Her foot fails to nervously fidget beneath her desk as it normally would. Her motives are pure and ethically sound.

Take that, David Nolan.

Let me describe it for you, so you can really get a clear sense of what we’re seeing.

There’s a young girl tied to a chair. She’s unusually small for her age, Booth says she can’t be any older than 10, but it takes at least 3 large, beefy guys to keep her in that chair. There’s a sound coming from the video, and, ya know, her mouth is open, so it has to be the girl, but… it sounds more like the cries of a wounded animal. A cat, maybe. And it echoes, loudly, throughout the room—you can tell that it’s distracting the priest, which… I dunno, maybe that’s the point.

 He’s chanting something in Latin, and it’s having some kind of effect on the girl, Alex, her jaw seems to be clenched so tightly I’m surprised it doesn’t break. This goes on for a while, I won’t bore you with the rest, but it’s the end that’s really… it’s really something else. The priest seems to finish his chant or sermon, whatever it is, and Alex goes real still, like maybe she’s heard something in another room?

And then…

“Bloody hell.”

“Told ya.”

...Her mouth just… drops open, but it’s more than that, it’s not like she’s surprised or excited or shouting, it just drops, like the physical reality of her bones aren’t even a thing, because this poor girl’s jaw, it’s down to her sternum, at least, and it’s only a second, it’s a literal fraction of a second but when you see it. Man, do you see it. 

“Debunk that, Mr. Bean.”

Dr. Jones looks thoroughly unimpressed for a whopping 30 seconds before he speaks.

“Where did you find this, Emma?”

“I may have taken a trip to Storybrooke after our chat the other day.”

The man couldn’t look less amused by that confession even if he tried. His manner seems to shift from inquisitive scientist to scolding parent, and she tries not to feel disappointed.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Swan.”

“Oh, it’s ‘Swan,’ now, is it?”

He slips the phone back into her hand and returns to his seat, his sad, neglected coffee having significantly cooled since she walked in the door. She had been hoping for another explosive debate, if she were being truthful. Not that they’d made much progress the other night at the college, but she enjoyed riling him up—he blushed a lot.

“What is it you want from me?”

She sighs and considers her position. The least she could do is be truthful with her subject. The chair slides harshly across the floor as she moves to take a seat, and the coffee shop seems to fall almost eerily quiet in the absence of the video, the sound of their voices filtering in between the generic noises of a public space.

“I just want the truth, Jones. Like you.”

“Somehow, Miss Swan, I’m not quite sure that’s true.”

There’s something unsettling about the way he studies her, like he knows all of her deepest, darkest secrets, can read her insecurities as if they were second-rate horoscopes in some local paper and she wants to take it all back—she’ll write about the cat toenails. After a few long, uncomfortable minutes in which she feels strangely psychoanalyzed, he manages to expose at least one of her secrets.

“I know you got that tape from August Booth,” taking a sip of his cold coffee and wrinkling his nose, “and I can’t say I approve.”

“Good thing I don’t live or die at the whims of your approval, Dr. Jones.”

“Yes, I would have to agree. Quite a good thing.”

He seems to disappear into himself for another moment, not dissimilar to his reaction when the almost comically serious, dark-haired woman had asked him about Milah Gold that night at the lecture.

“I have a proposition,” he starts again, straightening his jacket, “if you’re going to be as… shall we say, ‘committed,’ to hounding me about this as you appear to be—”

A bearded waiter wearing suspenders (because this coffee shop isn’t trendy enough) stops by their table to retrieve empty mugs and take any other orders, and she would very much like to get some herbal tea (David “pop-pop” Nolan seems to think that caffeine “makes her worse”), except this dude won’t stop flirting with her paranormal professor. Her time is precious, after all.

“Excuse me, yes, hello?”

Killian Jones stops flashing his obnoxious eyeballs at their stunned waiter long enough for her to order her tea and then he’s gone, both of them making eyes at the other until he’s back behind the counter.

“You are a mystery unto yourself, Dr. Jones.”

He clears his throat and tries to hold back another one of those smug grins she still can’t stand, and he gestures towards her phone sitting innocuously on the table, like a bomb waiting to go off.

“I know this all seems like just another story to you, but there’s a lot more to this world than you know.”

“I do know, that’s why—”

He chuckles and gently interrupts, “Just, hold on one moment and let me finish. I’ve listened to a few of your ‘podcasts,’ as you call them. You are clearly very smart, intuitive, I have no doubt you could tell a compelling story.”

Flirty, in-over-his-head waiter returns with her tea, and luckily, doesn’t stick around for another game of mental footsie.

“If you’re going to tell this story, as I have no doubt you will, I want to make sure that it’s the truth.”

She raises an eyebrow, as if listening to a few of her episodes means he knows her. Nothing is more important than the integrity of her work. Nothing. Cat toenails or no, she’s not a liar.

“I’m not great at a whole lot, Dr. Jones. But I’m a brilliant reporter. I’m thorough and careful and creative and I do my job. I don’t need you or anybody else reminding me of what the truth is.”

Stand up, she thinks to herself, leave. You don’t know need him to tell this story, it’s practically writing itself at this point. In her recollections of this moment, lost in the digital confines of her recorder, looking out over the bay in her VW, the sun setting magnificently in the distance, she will lie. Just a little bit.

“So he tells me he thinks we’d make a good team, basically, only the language was a bit more formal.”

As if she were some kinda middle-class British lady in a Jane Austen novel and he’s gonna be her Mr. Darcy or a Knightley or whomever the hell decides to play the gentleman in the story of her life. Makes her realize that he wasn’t who she thought he was or some bullshit, and “No,” aloud, recording, “he’s exactly who I think he is.”

“Anyway,” taking a breath, re-focusing, onto the next step, “he’s taking me out of state tomorrow.” Some kind of haunting in Canada and dammit, she’s gonna need to dig her passport out of her closet.

“This is Emma Swan, ACRS, signing off.”

[sprinkleofdiaz]

Supernatural Survey

I was tagged by the lovely @damnandriel-in-hell 💙💙💙

1. What season did you start watching Supernatural? 

Does this mean seasons of the year or as in which series? I started with Season 1 and started watching it October 2014 :) 

2. Who was the first character you fell in love with?

Dean. And it was during Wendigo when he pulled out the M&Ms in response to bringing  orovisions. I remember immediacy laughing and saying “I found my new favourite character” 

3. Who was a character that you hated at first but grew to love? 

Gabriel. I hated him at first (and to be fair I had good reason to, he did kill Dean over and over again after all) but in The Hammer Of The Gods I really loved him and was so sad when he died. 

4. Which character would you most want to be in a long-term relationship with? 

Dean! 

5. If you could go on a date with just one character, which one would you choose? 

I think it’s pretty obvious by now that I’m trash for Dean,. 

6. What would you do on that date? 

Pizza and Netflix. Maybe sharing music? 

7. Which character would you most want to be like? 

I’d love to be as strong as Sam 💙

8. Which character would you most want to see brought back from the dead? 

Cas (even though I’m still in denial), Charlie, Eileen and Gabriel 

9. Which character would you most like to punch? 

A LOT. Naomi, Metatron, Ketch…

10. Who is your absolute favorite character? 

Dean, Cas and Charlie. (Sorry Sammy I still love ya!) 

11. Which “Big Bad” do you think was the worst? 

Dick Roman and The Leviathans. I despise everything about season 7 with every fibre of my being. 

12. Which character are you most like? 

Charlie, definitely! I think she might be my soulmate. I’m very nerdy and talk 90% in TV Show and book references. To get me to do anything my friends are ten like “"just imagine so and so actor/character is waiting for you.” 😂 Also just the phrases and things she says reminds me of myself 

13. What death hit you the hardest? 

Charlie’s or Eileen's😭 14. What season finale hit you the hardest? 

Season 2, season 5 and season 12 😭 15. What are your ten all-time favorite episodes? 

Nightshifters, Phantom Traveller, Changing Channels, The French Mistake, Fan Fiction, Jus In Bello, Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets, Celebrtaing The Life of Asa Fox, Baby, Born Under A Bad Sign. 

16. What’s been your favorite season? Season 3, Season 5 & Seaon 12.  17. Who is your favorite angel? 

Cas! Honourable mentions go too, Samandriel, Hannah and Gabriel. 

18. Who is your favorite demon? Meg! 

19. Who’s your favorite evil character? Rowena and I really liked Metatron a s a villain because he was a character you loved to hate, hated to love and was truly evil.   20. Do you have any Supernatural ships? Destiel! Saileen, Jo x Charlie and Bobby x Ellen.  21. Who’s your favorite supporting actor? Felica Day, Matt Cohen and Osric Chau 😄 22. What’s your favorite quote from the show? “We’re going to heavan Clarence!”  23. If you could cast one famous actor in an episode of SPN, who would you choose? Sebastian Stan would make a great detective/cop who ends up allying up with the boys against a monster threat…or Alyssa Milano so we can see her and Misha act together again after twenty odd years 😄

24. If you could write your own episode, what kind of creatures would you like to see included? I’d take it old school with demons and ghosts and have it set out in just one location where everyone’s trapped like in Jus In Bello and Celebrating The Life Of Asa Fox. 

25. Who’s your favorite girl that Dean’s hooked up with? Cassie or Lisa.  26. Who’s your favorite girl that Sam’s hooked up with? Um not too sure… 27. What are some of your favorite convention moments? The boys sharing family stories or when they’re messing around. Cockles at Jibcon this year is one of my particular faves! 😄 28. If you were going to guest star (or be a recurring guest star) on SPN, how would you want your character to be described? I wouldn’t mind being slightly nerdy, kindhearted but super tough. I’d like to be a character whose a reluctant hunter, who tries to help people in everyday life like buying coffee, helping with bags etc but can’t et away from the life. As a biracial woman I  very much DO NOT want Buckleming or Andrew Dabb to write any of my episodes because gurl I’d be dead instantly 😂😂😂 let Steve Yockey handle the episodes, there’s a writer who does things right.  29. What do you hope to see in the next season? Cas back, Destiel moments, the boys to catch a ucking break. AND PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD PUT AN END TO LUCIFER AND HIS DAMN STORYLINE IT STOPPED BEING INTERESTING AFTER SEASON 5  30. - 40. If you had to choose… Bobby or John? Bobby! Bela or Ruby? Bela (I freaking love her!)  Jess or Madison? Madison Jo or Lisa? Jo. Charlie or Kevin? Charlie!  Balthazar or Ash? Ash (I’m in the minority who can’t stand Balthazar)  Cas or Crowley? Cas (this isn’t even a competition in my mind)  Ben or Claire? Ben.  Jody or Donna? Aaaah can’t choose, love them both!  Sam or Dean? Dean ���

I now tag: I feel as though I’m missing  out people so if you’re also in the SPN fandom and I haven’t tagged you please feel free to do this and tag me in your answers :) 

@illbeyourgentlemanstory @saawek @aliensliveinspace @lonehermitwitch @2boysandnewyork @shallot-the-fab @ethdent @starsinursa @goody2shoessmut @mcsmashdesigns 💙