#i mispelled it at first

[serialgirlposter]

Petshop of horrors was a fun read!

[mispelled]

Cant believe they carried the entire show and nothing bad happened to them ever. and they were t4t

[conjuring-ghouls]

Papa's speech in São Paulo, Brasil, 20/09/2023 video by douglaskurt on ig

[hoofpeet]

ATHOTH A GO GO ⚠ - flashing lights

3 day animatic thing I put together for fun 👍

[skrs-cats]

some cats (yippee)

[cookie-nom-nom]

Reading Barrayar I felt trapped in Cordelia’s head. It’s incredibly effective for the dread of war as a civilian. Plans and machinations happening beyond you, with no input. Hearing of things happening that seem far off and like yeah that’s awful but then suddenly it dominoes in a way that destroy your life and it’s not your fault and you could've done nothing at all to prevent it. Especially the tension of being hunted in the Dendarii mountains with no idea how the war is going, if they’ve already lost, if it is already too late. Cordelia is doing actively important things in service of the war by sheltering Gregor, yet there's this pervasive feeling of helpless lack of control. She spends most of the book with this dread of not knowing when the next threat to their family will come, and I don’t think it could’ve been done so effectively if we had access to the information Aral had. I found it frustrating at times, since it felt like Cordelia was swept up in events with little agency (at first; obviously our dear captain didn’t remain there). I wanted so badly to be with Aral seeing and knowing and making the decisions.

But that’s the point! Most people have absolutely zero agency in those situations and little information and it’s terrifying. Barrayar captures the feeling of being a civilian in war where so many narratives narrow in upon the heroes and 'men of history' that control conflicts. That's what readers expect. I think that’s why I loved the ending so much. After so long trapped with Cordelia, just trying to survive the larger machinations of Barrayar’s bloody politics, it felt so, so good to finally be on the offensive, to have information the opponents don’t, to finally have power and the means to control what happens. It's a relief to the constant tension of having no agency in a giant conflict that frankly Cordelia had no business being affect by, yet was swept up in because of her love of Aral.

Which is the second thing I deeply enjoyed in Barrayar. I love how the war is made so human. A messy tangle of human relationships control it. I can’t stop thinking about the hostages. There are just so many children being used because the war holds the future hostage. Tiny precious Miles utterly incapable of comprehending how large a pawn he is. Young grieving Gregor vital to the plans of both sides whether dead or alive. Elena, who should be of no importance but she is because that's the kid of an unimportant soldier, just like every other hostage is another piece in the web of the war. I keep thinking about the relatives of Aral’s men caught in the capital. The hostages that Aral refuses to take. Everyone just trying to take care of those they love, and the points where they must put other priorities over their relationships are heart wrenching.

Barrayar looks dead on at how little people try to survive a civil war. From the mountains where the fighting seems so far, and information is slowed to a trickle of the singular mailman. The invasion of forces that disrupts people who may not even know there’s a war yet. The scientists and the genius lost in a single blast that goes unnoticed. The urban populations trying to sneak in food and people and keep their heads down. Random citizens debating who to sell out, weighing risks and bounties, if it will get them the favor with the occupiers that will help them survive. All so small in the grand scheme of things, and yet they are who Barrayar concerns itself with.

Cordelia’s uncertainty and fear would’ve been undermined if we were allowed to see in the heads of people driving the conflict, because Barrayar isn’t about those people. It is the desperation of two mothers, powerless and kept in the dark, that topples the regime.

Addendum: Cordelia’s relationship to Aral firmly places her in an upper class position that is important to note when discussing the role of civilians/‘little people’ within this analysis. But as a woman on Barrayar she is extremely limited in the power she is allocated, especially compared to someone like Aral, which would be the military leadership POV that novels more focused on the grander scope of war would utilize. Again not to say Cordelia has no agency or power, but it is not to the degree of the people in charge. Thus I place her alongside the average people swept up in a war outside their control. Still, her position as a Vor Lady gives her some access knowledge and connections that she turns into power, which while limited are far more than the average citizen. Her significance to Vordarrian is exclusively viewed as yet another hostage, an underestimation that Cordelia readily exploits, but still afforded only due to her status. Cordelia occupies a position of importance but not power beyond the scope of the people she’s formed direct relationships with, which only further ties into the essay's thesis.

[undead-fire]

[soline70]

My otp ongong

I think I'm going crazy due to lack of Fandom (or I'm just unable to find it for some reason)

How's the herd (+ c doug) breathing? Uhhh.. let's chalk it up to magic

[theyellowbridg3]

Saiki but if his hair wasn't that straight at the ends and was going outwards idk

i feel like his hair should be like that because his parents have that hair

+ Kokomi and my two saiki k ocs Pao Kagura and Hinato Ikari

I'm in the mood for drawing saiki k (and scott pilgirm) stuff please send request in the askbox or something I just finished exams woo!!!!

[karimimi]

they r literally the chipettes

[ink-going-insane]

random mystreet and diaries ramble time! specifically about travis!

travis is a really really important character to me. i probably oc-ified him in my mind on accident but iiit's fine probably. but either way he's really special to me with how his character is.

i'll probably end up rambling more about mystreet than diaries because i have more of a personal attachment to ms since that's what i mainly grew up with, so i'm sorry about that in advance ^^;

i'm also. putting it all under a read more because it's gonna get Long. so yea another warning in advance for that!

both in mystreet and diaries, it feels like travis tries to be a sorta comic-relief character at times to get everyone to smile and ignore their troubles. he does really stupid things to distract others from their issues because he's really big on having his friends feel better and happy. he's not the best at communicating at times, but he tries his best by just being weird and getting people to smile. his not too good communication skills do unfortunately cause him to use some of the...tricks he knows at Bad Times (one example being in diaries s2 when lucinda first sees her mother iirc) but he always means well and genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. even in the end of season 6 of mystreet, after everything that happened, the moment he was free and woke up and saw katelyn, he flirts with her in an effort to cheer her up even though they both just went through Hell.

travis is a really selfless character to me. in diaries, with the added s3 enki island lore, travis was essentially fighting a battle that No One There acknowledged. they all thought Travis was the cursed person causing the imps and all that jazz to show and he just. lived with it. he kept saying it was fine when his friends tried to defend him. and then there was the incident in the phoenix alliance island where people were scared of him and iirc he acted like it was fine but it really isn't but aaaaaa. and i'm so so so so happy with his choice after they got enki's relic. his choice to essentially discover himself and live freely without chaining himself down to another burden is something i will forever adore because he deserves it!! and i was so happy he saw that opportunity of freedom, to maybe feel the joy he's been wanting to feel for a long time. i don't know if any of this makes sense i really hope it does.

in mystreet travis's life is more...calm? i guess? there's the child experimentation that happened and then the whole thing of thinking his dad had two different personalities randomly with one of them being Horrible, which actually on second thought my irene does this poor guy still suffer. though we never actually really see any of it and only hear about his father's (well, michael's) negative actions (not including the child experimentation) Twice. once from lucinda talking to kim in s5 and a second time from travis talking to himself in the last episode of s6. he doesn't really talk about himself and instead opts for just vibing in the moment, and doesn’t mind listening to other's troubles.

it's obvious during pdh that he's pretty socially awkward, especially with having dante for a friend. and i think he was his only friend until starting high school where travis met aphmau and the others. like not to be rude but have you Seen dante. guy is a horrible influence. anyway so yea travis wasn't the best at communication, but this is also when he first manages to make someone Smile. he says some really bad pick-up lines to katelyn in s1 in an attempt to cheer her up after her break-up and it gets her to Smile and it distracted her from her troubles and that's when he realized that he can make others Happy with his shenanigans. and so he kept at it, because he wants people and those he cares about to Smile.

oh and quick (not quick i lied) side tangent about the Not Alone Buddies and also travis's role in the story of pdh. aphmau and travis's friendship is so so so special to me. partly because it reminds me of my own friendships vibe-wise, but also because of their special connection. i'm a bit upset that it wasn't expanded upon more during the main mystreet story but it does make a bit of sense since friendships can occasionally drift apart a little bit as you get older so the two of them aren't as close as they used to be. but i still wish they showed more of the closeness that Should Have Been There!! especially in pdh where he was set up to be sorta important! instead of opting for "here's a bunch of scenes with love interests for aphmau that you know aren't going to end up with her and almost nothing else other than strict plot mostly surrounding aphmau and her love interests" they should've had more scenes of her with her friends!!! and travis!!!! and also vylad!!!!!! because they became a trio after he transferred and that literally Never got expanded upon! i don't even think there's another scene of travis with vylad after their first meeting, i genuinely don't remember there being another one At All. maybe one or two? or just none at all and either way that's Bad. and vylad also barely has any proper scenes with aphmau also it hurts. this is a travis post but by extension it's also a Not Alone Buddies post because i love them forever and vylad should've gotten more screentime >:( along with a lot of the other characters they deserved so much more! and it really bothers me that they set up travis to be sorta important at the start of pdh, only to quickly demote him to side character and comedy duo with dante. it really hurts.

in main story mystreet he gets a bit more attention but it's mostly for a comic relief kinda thing at the start. the fact most of his character in s1 got retconned is really funny to me. anyway he gets character development in season 2!! he stood up for himself because katelyn was being Not Nice and i'm so proud of him for it!!! this is also when him being a creep mostly stops iirc so that's nice, but i tend to pretend the creepy scenes Don't Exist in the first place. anyway after that there isn't really much development for him iirc until season 5, though of course there's that nice fun scene in aphmau's year where michael says hello, but he shows up a lot more in season 5 and of course season 6. in s5 it's like "huh i have a weird voice in my head and i suddenly occasionally can't control my actions but surely it must've been me. oh well as long as it makes katelyn happy :)" and like. it's so precious he just wants her to be happy and it hurts knowing michael's intentions and stuff because in both s5 and the start of s6 he just wanted katelyn to smile and be happy and safe so he was okay with letting the weird voice do its thing as long as it helped. it uh. stopped helping after The Incident. but even when he was trapped in his own mind and forced to watch he wanted so badly for it all to stop because he didn't want his friends to suffer. he didn't care what happened to him as long as his friends would be okay, which is why his monologue in the last episode horrifies me. i read a theory that he's going to sacrifice himself to stop the rumored meteor in s7 and something'll cause everyone to forget him and i really really really hope that doesn't happen i hope s7 gives him an actual calming break in the end please.

i'll be honest i...don't know where i was actually going with this post. it just kinda happened. i was alone with my thoughts (bad) and i saw a post with travis on it and just went "travis :)" in my mind and the next thing i knew this wall of text got vomited onto my phone screen. thinking of travis will now be my comfort i guess?? i just think he's neat <3

[cosmicangst]

listennnnnnn i love kimberly (and i have no real opinion for bryan other than thinking the man looks just like artem but anemic) and it does matter that they did make it in the end but the whiff of dysfunction i always get from artem's childhood dynamics with his parents is WILD

[mispelled]

Smh scary dont you know cringe is dead

[azurecanary]

Óisín Hakinvar has a Dublin accent and wears North Face and no one can change my mind

[obstinatecondolement]

Deeply odd to me that Betelgeuse's ex-wife's name is spelled "Delores". I have never seen that name not spelled Dolores, but on Wikipedia, IMDb and several articles the former spelling is used, so I guess! ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[grimsneverendingfuneral]

*bangs gavel* your honor he's a virgin

this is another snippet of my favorite scene of the rosekiller fic i'm writing because i can't help myself. enjoy evan getting off for the first time in his entire 20 something life on the feeling of barty's blood