#i might write a full length version of this

[t1red-twilight]

thinking about how spencer knows you like his hands

he’ll do the obvious things, like hold your hands and hold your face, but he’ll also draw attention to them when it’s not really needed.

like he’ll point to something, pop his knuckles, just draw attention to them in general. he KNOWS what he’s doing, bro.

he likes to do it around the team and see you turn red (oops)

[guiltyasdave]

glitch

pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

word count: ~1k

summary: Prequel to nights are so starry, blood moonlit. How you and Javi became neighbors with benefits.

warnings/tags: explicit smut (-> 18+ only!), smoking, alcohol consumption, able-bodied reader, a hint of dom!Javi, unprotected p in v, kinda rough sex, ass slaps, dirty talk, oral (f receiving), Javi is a menace, a hint of angst and feelings because of who i am as a person

a/n: written for @iamasaddie’s writing challenge 2.0 with the prompt "never knew you were such a freak", and since my first story about these two was also part of one of aly's writing challenges, it just made sense to revisit them :)

dividers as always by @saradika-graphics <3

find my full masterlist here and follow @guiltyasdavenotifs for fic updates!

It had started out with fleeting glances in the hallway, quick greetings when your apartment doors opened at the same time, then short conversations on your adjoining balconies, late night talks with your feet propped up on the railing and his back leaning against it, sometimes exchanging a cigarette or a light, or occasionally a bottle of beer when one of you had run out. 

Of course you noticed the ridiculously tight jeans that really shouldn't look that good on him, the way his broad shoulders strained against his clothes, and the way his shirts always revealed a little too much of his golden-skinned chest. You couldn't deny the fact that your neighbor was incredibly attractive, and that he knew it. 

You probably should have said no when late one evening, after Javi had found you on your balcony, smoking and watching the glistening city lights, he invited you to share a glass of bourbon. Together. At his place. 

He had been flirting with you, which you suspected he did with every woman he met, and you had tried not to pay it any mind, but you were well aware of how this evening would end if you accepted. 

You should have said no, and a stronger, less lonely version of you might have, but you craved human contact, craved to be touched by someone else than yourself, and if the sounds that traveled through the thin walls from his bedroom to yours frequently enough were any indication, Javi knew what he was doing. 

You should have said no, because it became clear to you very quickly that Javier Peña would ruin you for all other men.

He was more gentle, more caring than you had expected him to be and he prioritized your pleasure in a way that you had never experienced from any man before. He took you to heights that you hadn’t thought possible before, and it was addicting.

You should have said no, but you hadn’t, and now you keep coming back for more. 

You keep coming back for the way his skin tastes under your tongue, for the way his lips press against yours, swallowing moans and whimpers, for the way his fingers and his cock reach so deep inside of you that you still feel him hours later, when you have said your good nights and crawled under the covers of your own bed. Never his, never crossing the line to a different kind of intimacy.

It’s another one of those nights, a soft knock on a door, a mutual understanding passing between you, gentle touches that burned under your skin until they got more demanding, until you both gave in to that pull that kept you coming back. 

He’s already made you come on his tongue twice, until you were dripping onto his sheets, his name the only word in your mind and on your lips. You’re on your hands and knees, limbs shaking, trying to accommodate his length and the harsh rhythm that he’s setting. 

“Taking me so fucking well,” he pants, running his hands down your back and over your ass. You chase his touch, goosebumps forming in its wake, your moans filling the air as he keeps hitting impossibly deep inside of you. 

His palm connects with your skin, nothing more than a playful swat, but the sensation sears through you, lighting your nerve endings on fire as you all but scream your pleasure into the softly lit bedroom.

“Oh?” His voice is low, rough in his throat. You don’t need to turn your head and look behind you to know that he’s smirking down at you right now. “You liked that, huh?” 

You nod eagerly, too far gone to be ashamed of the way your hips are bucking back against him, working desperately to feel him deeper inside of you. 

He slaps you again, harder this time, and you feel yourself clenching around him, feel the way a new wave of slick is coating his cock. His fingers dig into your shoulder and he pulls you up, until your torso is pressed against his, his mouth moving against the delicate skin of your neck. 

“Never knew you were such a freak, baby,” he whispers, his lips curling into a grin, teeth nipping at you.

“Shut up.” You try to hold your voice steady, ignore the throbbing need between your thighs, but he just chuckles and presses another kiss against the side of your throat before he loosens his hold and pushes you back towards the mattress. 

His hands grab your hips instead, pulling you into his thrusts, filling you so deeply that you see stars behind your eyelids.

“You want me to do it again?” You hate how smug he sounds, would love to deny him the satisfaction, but god, you do want him to. 

“Fuck– please, Javi.” You’re breathless, reduced to a mess of trembling thighs and desperate whimpers, and you wish that you could stay like this forever. 

He slaps your ass twice in quick succession and deepens his thrusts at the same time, punching all air from your lungs. His hand snakes down to graze your clit and you’re overwhelmed with sensations, pure pleasure coursing through your veins so suddenly that it’s almost disorienting. You collapse onto the sheets, your pussy pulsing around him as your body shakes through its third orgasm of the night and you’re whimpering his name as he buries himself deep inside of you and comes with a groan, painting your insides with his release. 

After more kisses, more touches, and a shared cigarette, you get dressed and eventually, his apartment door clicks shut behind you. You lean your back against the wall, closing your eyes and breathing deeply for a moment before you enter your own place.

Again, you know that you’ll be coming back for more. And that no matter how many times you come back, it will never be enough.

thank you for reading 🤍 if you liked this, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment or sending an ask, it truly makes my day every single time!

[renku]

Write a smut with a Bini member 😅

Cherry (Not) on Top

BINI Aiah x Male Reader

tags: smut

A/N: Taglish (mix of English and Filipino language) fic incoming, since Aiah is a Filipina. I've been planning this one after the Sana fic and even before this request because of @octoberautumnbox 's piece. I might post another version of this in full english. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy this one. Completely unedited.

~ ~ ~

Past lunchtime, you just arrived at your front door. A mix of light pink and white pair of sneakers were left before your doorstep; there's no doubt, Aiah Arceta—your girlfriend—is inside.

"Aiah? Babe? You here? Where are you?"

"Oh babe, you're already here! Nadito ako sa kwarto," Aiah replied, "just trying an outfit for the Bikini Ball."

"Bikini Ball?"

"Yup, it's a summer and charity event at the same time. All winners will get to choose the community they want to support. Have one in your mind?"

"Hmm... 'di ko alam. May I enter the room first?" you asked, "I want to see you."

Aiah always loved that about you—asking for her permission despite being with her for years. Knowing almost all of her sides, and still chose to stay. Those little things matter to her the most and finds it sexy.

The door opened, and it did not disappoint what it revealed. Floral bikini top, paired with chainmail skirt that covered her intimate area and right leg, exposing the other. She almost gave you a heart attack as you didn't expect to see her wearing that fit. That midriff, well, yeah, it's fucking sexy and turning you by the second.

"I know that look, mister!" Aiah jokingly exclaimed, "Tingin mo pa lang hinuhubaran mo na ko, tss..."

"Can you even blame me? I just got home from work past noon time, not having my lunch yet, tapos ganito makikita ko? I think you're the one having bad intentions here, Ms. Arceta," you confidently remarked, "but I'm not going to complain, though."

"Hmp, pervert!"

"But kidding aside, you're absolutely stunning, babe," you said in a serious tone, "parang gusto tuloy kita bantayan sa event. I can't afford knowing that those men will be preying on my woman, my Queen."

Aiah almost burst into laughter, "You're thinking too much! Calm down, babe!"

"Tell that to my junior down here."

"Oh, so mas nauna pa sya magalit?"

"Don't be so sure, Aiah..."

Aiah came closer to you, placing her palms on your chest sensually rubbing it up and down. "So, Daddy's getting mad at me?" she said, giving a sultry look with her fierce, expressive eyes while both forefingers fidget on your shirt.

"Damn, Aiah..."

Aiah gave a quick kiss on your lips, before going down on her knees. Eyes still locked on you. Aiah took her time to unzip your pants, delighting herself to touch firm muscles you have in your legs, sending chills going up to your spine.

"You're already leaking, daddy..."

A small patch was visible on your briefs, before finding itself on the floor. The look that Aiah has on your cock was turning you on even more, making it twitch. She noticed it but just grinned.

Aiah worked on her magic, as usual. Her tongue started its assault on your balls; licking, slurping both of it with utmost passion and desire, while holding onto your thighs.

"Puta! Fuck, ang sarap! Shit!" you exclaimed, holding her head with your hand as a reflex.

Aiah wasted no time going from your balls to your shaft. Giving the underside a slow lick before reaching your head, parting her lips before wrapping her tongue around it.

Moan after moan, Aiah is skillfully giving her all blowing you. Taking every inch bit by bit, until your entire length is inside her warm, wet mouth.

She's taking all her time, bobbing her head up and down in a growing, steady pace. "Babe, ugh, fuck! Putangina!" you groaned, pleasure meter growing inside you exponentially.

That intense feeling is growing, and you know you're about reach the promised land. But Aiah had other plans.

"A- Aiah? Why did you stop?"

She stood up, wiping her lips with the back of her hand, inching her way towards you ear, "Hindi pwedeng ako lang ang kakain, eat me down there, too, daddy."

She quickly removed the skirt before pulling down her panties, making a trail of her sticky juice before entering the bedroom where she lied down, her hand inviting you.

Getting off from your clothes in a swift motion, you joined Aiah on the bed. Taking a moment to appreciate her beauty, your eyes roamed from her head down to her toes. Perfect. The sweet perfume she got from you last Christmas was the only thing invading your nose at that moment.

Aiah's legs were already spread out, her puffy lips soaking wet. "Ano pang hinihintay mo, babe? Please, 'di na ko makapaghintay, I want you so bad, I want to feel daddy now!"

The Queen should not be kept waiting. Getting into position, your tongue immediately collected her sweet nectar. Tracing every nook and line of her folds, thumb on its way to stimulate her clit. Aiah's mouth agape to the sensation your tongue does to her, even both of you were each other's firsts, she knows no one can do this but you.

"Oh- oh, shit, yes. More. More pa, daddy, please!"

Hearing the words of affirmation made you more fired up. A finger went inside her as you continue to assault her clit with your tongue, lick and sucking it in intervals.

Aiah's body can't stay still, her hands grabbed the sheets but you couldn't care less. You need to make her cum, even she begs you to stop. The finger inside her did its work like a key to a keyhole, hitting all the right spots. You knew she's close.

"Hnnngghhhh! Babe! Malapit na 'ko! Make me cum! Fuck!"

With one last stroke, she squirts; moaning madly while her body's twitching. "Shit, oh my God...," breathing heavily.

"Mas masarap ka, Aiah, pero hindi pa tayo tapos. I wanna fuck you right now."

"Yes, please fuck me. Wreck me, breed me, gawin mo lahat ng gusto mo sa'kin, I want to feel all of you. Please me, daddy!"

Primal instinct took over. You positioned yourself right into her entrance as you pinned her wrists down before giving her a messy kiss, tongues invading each other's mouths like first time before breaking it.

"Papasok na ko, Aiah," you said, her response was just a gentle nod as you pierce her pussy with your cock. Missionary position was her favorite. Aiah finds it romantic yet hot. That's why you always do it for her.

Your hips gets into motion, pounding her still sensitive pussy. "Hmmmm... yes, ang sarap, sige pa. More! More pa, please... Ahh!"

Aiah's sweet yet dirty pleas are all you need to go berserk. Mercilessly drilling her hole, creating lewd sounds. But it didn't matter. What matters is Aiah's face distorted and eyes almost blank due to extreme pleasure. As if it's her soul slowly leaving her body. But the same truth also goes to you, as the pending release earlier is turning now into reality.

"Aiah, ma- malapit na ko. Fuck," barely letting out the words. "Sige lang, don't hold back! Cum for me, daddy!"

"Aiah!"

The last two forceful thrusts marked the end. Ropes and ropes of cum painted Aiah's pussy, milking you out at the same time. Making sure she does every drop before kissing you slowly; it's a kiss expressing the love she has. A message. A promise. She broke the kiss and just maintained eye contact with you.

"I love you," she noted.

"I love you, too. Maraiah Queen Arceta."

[zhongrin]

to be yours

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, al haitham, childe, ayato, thoma, kaeya, wanderer, diluc

◇ tags ◇ minors dni, fluff, collar, nothing explicit is happening but it's very suggestive, diluc is so soggy in this but i’m not sorry

◇ a/n ◇ "but rin didn't you already write something similar to this with zhongli?" sHUT UP. SHUSH. SILENCE. /j

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

when you called his name so excitedly and said that you had something to show him, he didn’t think he would see you with a collar…. and is that his initials?

… oh.

oh.

zhongli tries so very hard to be a gentleman, but you can feel the urgency, the impatience in the slight bite of his fingers against your skin as he pulls you into a searing kiss. the loud purrs rumbling from his throat a telltale sign that your majestic dragon is exceedingly happy at your little present… maybe a little too happy, judging from the hardness pressing against your thigh...

hmm.

yes, the cor lapis gem on it is a nice touch, indeed.

“ah- apologies, my dear. how ungentlemanly of me… but i simply must express how much adoration i have for you at this present time.”

childe has a silly grin on his lips as he admires the accessory with his fingers. his blue eyes are hooded when he finally meets your gaze and his chapped lips persistently attack yours, an invitation to a heated battle of dominance; one you wouldn’t certainly mind losing, but you know the way you fight against him will turn him on even more.

you suppose you can indulge him... for now.

let’s see how he fares when you bring out his collar with your initials.

“y-you-for me? fuck… o-of course i’ll put it on, baby…. but won’t you help me wear it? please?”

al haitham snorts and folds his arms in front of his delicious treat of a chest, one of his eyebrows cocking up in mock arrogance, a contrast to your sweet demeanor.

he wants you to explain your choice of accessory, he says - nay, demands. and yet not even a minute into your horribly awkward speech, it’s his fingers that hook onto the leather to drag you onto his lap, right on the edge of your shared bed. there’s a certain glint in his eyes, and only then it clicks to you. he’s in that kind of mood today, it seems.

oh dear. you might want to prepare yourself to call in sick tomorrow…

“oh no, continue with your explanation, don’t mind me. i am capable enough to multitask between listening to you and leaving more… direct and indisputable versions of my marks on you.”

ayato has to blink a few times to make sure it wasn’t his sleep-deprived brain causing hallucinations after working for nearly thirty-two hours straight.

but when it sinks on him that you’re actually wearing a collar, with the kamisato clan’s sigil and his initials embellished proudly on the high-quality material - just like a loyal puppy waiting for praise from their owner - it’s like he just woke up from the most satisfying power nap he’s ever had his whole life. you find yourself pinned onto his desk seconds later, your master cooing over how adorable you look in your new outfit and how you’ll look even more the part with all your clothes off and stuffed full of his cock.

“what a good pet. my good little pet…”

thoma erupts into a thomato billion shades of reds that complement his outfit.

his brain is short-circuiting. his tongue fumbles like a three years old trying to speak words. his hands are awkwardly hovering in the air as he tries to make sense of everything.

when he finally gets his wits back, he launches into his mother-hen mode. not exactly the result you wanted, but you can work with it. you have your precious boyfriend wrapped around your fingers after all.

“d-does it not hurt? it’s not too tight, right? if it’s hard for you to adjust the length, i can help you to- what?! no, no, you misunderstand- wait, no! i don’t mean that i didn’t want to put it on you, i just- arghh, s-stop teasing me!”

kaeya blinks once, twice, and the third time is accompanied by a sultry smirk spreading over his kissable lips. he chuckles, a deep vibration that sends shivers down your spine as he eyes you like a hungry panther scouting a potential feast.

before you know it he’s had you pinned against the wall of his office, and his fingers are teasingly rubbing your jaw and under your ear, his hot breath mingling with yours as his cologne overwhelmed your senses. a knee slides between your legs and rubs against your clothed crotch, and your lover eagerly swallows your yelp with a deep kiss that speaks volumes about what he plans to do with you.

“ah, perfect. a distraction from work. lord barbatos must have seen me toil over these boring paperwork and took pity on me by giving me such a nice present. all wrapped up so nicely with a name tag to match, too…”

wanderer stares at the initials in disbelief for a full ten seconds before glaring at you. scathing words leave his lips like a fully loaded revolver, but you’re made of the thickest steel and you’re more perceptive than most - well, at least when it comes to your beloved puppet lover - so you can see the indicative ways of his joy: the slight nervous shifts of his legs, the way he’s scratching his arm for grounding himself, and most of all, the way his eyes looked at anything but the said ‘vile object’…

he’s so silly, you think fondly.

guess it’s time to play the ‘which buttons to push to break his act’ game yet again.

“you’re so embarrassing. a fucking collar, really? what are you, some kind of a mutt? and with the initials of that stupid name you gave me? what, you wanna tell the world that you’re my pet or something? hah! why don’t you bark for me then? …. w-wha- s-stop barking, idiot! what is wrong with you?!”

diluc takes a full minute to fully understand. his brain is failing to connect the dots even though he’s literally staring at the accessory.

it’s only when you point out and explain it all to him that his breath hitches. redness as bright as his hair creeps onto his cheeks, and he has to cover the lower half of his face-

wait-

are those tears in his eyes?!

“it’s… nice? i suppose. i know you will look nice in whatever you wear, beloved. your sense of fashion is impeccable in my eyes, and i- hmm? ….. oh…….. OH. i-ahem-i see. i-ah-no! no, these aren’t- they’re just…. i’m sorry, dear- i just.... feel so…. so…. loved…”

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @thestarsofenkanomiya | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @diebischesther | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ladylofspades | @sup-zfam | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @nachotrash | @algrimmammon | @sassy-cat-in-town

[gffa]

Do you have any Sith!Obi-Wan fics you can recommend? 🙏

Hi! You can do a search for Sith Obi-Wan in my bookmarks which brings up several or you can start with the novel-length ones that still live rent-free in my head even years after I've read them: Equinox by lilyconrad, obi-wan/anakin, NSFW, 95.9k During the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan and Anakin crash on a remote planet and take shelter in the ruins of a grand estate only to find they are not alone. This fic was written for me, so I'm biased, but it's genuinely my favorite for the trope because Lily put all this thought into the undercurrents going on between the characters, because it gives such care about why any version of Obi-Wan would fall to the dark and what he would be like, because each chapter had moments of foreshadowing and care given to lush, beautiful descriptions and the creeping dread of the place. It's a gorgeous fic and I think even if someone doesn't usually like Sith versions of the characters, the way this one does it (created reflections, not that our characters are falling, so it's scratching the itch of how it's an extension of our characters, but our characters are not on that exact path), I would gently suggest this one.

Lex Talionis by intermundia, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, 187.1k Or, how Obi-Wan and Anakin fell to the dark side, obtained their revenge, and saved the galaxy in the process. My other favorite Sith Obi-Wan fic, this one is about how these characters fall to the dark, and the author takes his time with how it happens step by step, but also how these massive, galaxy-spanning changes happen, how it's a combination of how sexy the dark side can be but also how awful it can be, how much pain and hurt it can cause. There's so much care and effort put into this story, it spans such a huge story, that it's one of those fics I want to physically print out in special binding because it deserves to be a pretty set on my bookshelf.

wicked thing by imaginarykat, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, 124.2k the story of how Anakin exists in a perpetual state of intense embarrassment, Kenobi is enjoying it a little too much, and everything is, generally speaking, a gigantic mess. This is an AU where Obi-Wan never trained Anakin and is already a Sith when we meet him, and there's a reason it's one of the most famous fics in the fandom, because it is the most charismatic thing I've just about ever read, the sheer amount of dark side sexy charm coming off Obi-Wan is incredible, the tension between him and Anakin is delicious, and the writing/plotting of the storyline is superb. I could not put this fic down when I read it, there's a reason this fic helped really popularize the trope, because it's just so goddamned addicting and glorious to read.

Soldier, Poet, King by Glare, obi-wan/anakin & cast, NSFW, time travel, 106.4k wip Second chances are very rarely given, but the Force smiles upon two of its favorite children and returns them to a time before their actions have met their consequences. Anakin Skywalker, also known as Darth Vader, seeks redemption while Obi-Wan “Ben” Kenobi, disillusioned with the Jedi Order and its Code, falls to the Darkness. Trapped out of time, Master and Apprentice must once again work together to stop Sideous’ plans from reaching fruition and bring Balance to the Force—all the while dodging the Jedi, the Sith, and their feelings for each other. I think this might even have been the first Sith!Obi-Wan fic that I read and I know it remains dear to me because I reread it a year or two ago and got sucked in just as hard as before. Obi-Wan is dropped back into his younger body, feels like the whole thing is a bunch of bullshit, gets sucked into dark thoughts, and just goes full dark side dom on Anakin and fixing the galaxy through machinations and foreknowledge. It's so fun and it does such great service to Anakin's level of power, that this guy is an absolute dragon in the Force, but that he also very much wants Obi-Wan's hand on the back of his neck to force him to kneel to the one person he loves. Hnngggg, it really cemented me as a fan of this trope because of how well it scratches the sexy dark side dom/sub while they're both badass dynamic, I love it so much.

I'm still making my way through a lot of Star Wars fic, so if anyone has any more recs, feel free to jump in, especially if you have some gen ones, since I mostly read pairing fic for Sith!Obi-Wan (because I'm personally after the sexy dom/sub dynamic with it)!

[rambleonwaywardson]

Clegan Olympics AU - Beginnings Part 1

A properly written version of these Paris Olympics headcanons. Gale is on the U.S. equestrian eventing team, Bucky is a U.S. gymnast, and they meet on the plane to Paris.

Author's note: I didn't really intend to write this, but of course I couldn't help myself. It also got a lot longer than I meant it to so I split it into 2 parts. I probably won't make a real full length fic out of this, but if I have the time I might make it a little disjointed series or something.

---

Falling in love was not on Gale Cleven’s Paris Olympics bingo card. It is, in fact, the absolute furthest thing from his mind, City of Love be damned. It’s his first Olympics, and he’d like to focus on nothing other than his horse, his riding, and trying to bring home a medal for his team. So it’s a shame that that plan is already falling apart.

As a member of the United States equestrian team, Gale really should’ve been on a plane two days ago with the rest of the equestrian athletes, the horses, and the massive support team and quite frankly excessive amount of “just in case” equipment that travels with them. He should be in Paris already, walking Whiskey around the grounds, ensuring she has everything she needs, and settling their training schedule for the days before the Games begin. Instead, he’s anxiously waiting to board a different plane, by himself, in a mad dash to get to France.

The night before they were scheduled to fly, one of Gale’s younger prospects had started showing colic symptoms. His groom called him around 8pm, and Gale had abandoned his frantic last-minute packing to rush right on back to the stables. At first the symptoms ameliorated with some banamine and a lot of walking, but Gale spent the night in an uncomfortable cot, waking periodically to monitor the young gelding, damned if he was going to abandon one of his horses when they were sick no matter how much he trusted his care team. When symptoms worsened again in the wee hours of the morning, the horse had to be transported to a veterinary facility for further testing and observation. Gale spent his morning pacing white, sterile halls with his head in his hands, eyes bloodshot and clothes rumpled. 

He’d called Benny, his good friend and Olympic teammate, the moment it was no longer inappropriately early for that kind of thing. “The team will get Whiskey ready to go, but I don’t think I’m gonna make it to the airport,” he told him. Benny swore, but assured Gale that he’d keep an extra eye on his mare for him. Then Gale called Neil Harding, one of their coaches, to update him and begin the process of finding a new flight to Paris.

By early afternoon, the veterinarian told Gale, who was getting jittery from a lack of sleep and too little food, that the gelding would be okay, but needed to be kept for further observation. Gale thanked him profusely, but by then, the Olympic horses and riders were already prepared for take-off, including his own mare. And he is forcing himself to believe that he can trust his grooms to take good care of her.

He hadn’t managed to find a new flight for another two days, and their departure time is so early in the morning that it should be illegal. So now he’s here. Still exhausted and staving off starvation with nothing but an airport muffin as he stands in line to board a plane out of Washington, D.C. All around him are athletes, kitted out with team USA jackets and bags. The flight is filled with red, white, and blue, like a walking “I want you for the U.S. army” poster, except it’s the Olympics instead. Gale blends right in and yet knows he sticks out like a sore thumb. Most of the athletes here are traveling with their teams, or at least with friends or other people competing in their sports. Gale is alone, quiet, just trying to get through the day. 

He’s looking forward to being able to doze on the plane, even if he never can fall asleep on these flights no matter how long they are. That’s what he’s thinking about as he walks down the narrow aisle, lugging his team USA duffle behind him, hoping maybe he’ll be the first person in his row to sit down since he has the window seat and he just does not have it in him to go through the awkward shoving-past-a-stranger song and dance. But, of course, he can’t even have that tiny luxury.

The man assigned to the aisle seat is, for lack of a better word, huge. He’s at least as tall as Gale from the looks of it, but unlike Gale, he’s all shoulders and strong thighs, looking almost comical in these economy seats. Gale tosses his duffle into the overhead compartment and clears his throat, prepared to ask the man if he could please stand up so Gale can get to his seat. Except when the guy looks up, Gale forgets every word that was about to come out of his mouth and he ends up spluttering like an idiot. 

John Egan. That’s his seatmate on this plane. John Egan, the poster boy of U.S. gymnastics on his way to his second Olympics, with his messy curls and his dazzling eyes and a winning smile that could charm the pants off just about anyone no matter which way they swung. 

And that smile is pointed right. At. Gale. 

Gale just blinks and tries to smile back, but his mouth won’t listen because his brain is just too tired and apparently being seated next to the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life was the last fucking straw. So he just tilts his head awkwardly, motions to the seat assigned to him, and hopes that’ll get the point across. 

“Oh, sorry man,” John says, standing up to step into the aisle, except the aisle is packed with people still trying to get to their seats and so he can’t go very far. Instead, Gale has to try to slip between John Egan’s hulking form and the seats in front of them, nearly stepping on the man’s foot as their arms bump awkwardly, before he unceremoniously collapses down into his seat with a grunt. 

“Thanks,” he says quietly as John sits back down beside him. And then because he just cannot deal with today any longer, and he knows he’ll make a fool of himself if he so much as tries to say anything to the man on his right, he shoves his earbuds into his ears and squeezes his eyes shut. 

John Egan was, to be polite about it, startled when he looked up to see his row-mate standing beside him, asking for access to his seat. To be less polite, John Egan was overwhelmingly shocked and very pleased when he saw how fucking hot the guy was. Once he’s settled back in his seat again, he turns to his left, intending to ask the blonde his name and what sport he’ll be competing in. But said blonde has already shoved some headphones into his ears and is turned away, his head resting lazily against the seat as he stares out the window at the plane’s wing. Disappointed, Bucky still finds himself staring at that messily coiffed blonde hair, the little bit of stubble on the man’s chin, the hint of startling bright blue that Bucky can see in his eyes from his side profile, reflecting the rising sunlight spilling through the window. 

Bucky frowns and forces himself to look away. Fine. This guy doesn’t want to talk, Bucky doesn’t have to talk. Sure, they’re both wearing Team USA jackets and perhaps the polite thing to do would be to introduce themselves to one another if nothing else. Seeing as they have a seven hour flight to the Olympic Games, which they will both clearly be competing in. And this man is absolutely gorgeous and Bucky wants to learn every single thing about him. But it’s fine. 

It’s fine. 

He’ll just watch a movie or something instead. 

That idea lasts him all of about two and half hours, at which point he’s watched Top Gun: Maverick in its entirety and does not at all feel like watching another movie. He can’t stop himself from sneaking glances at the blonde beside him and is tapping his fingers incessantly on his arm rest, stuck in a fancy tin can 30,000 feet above ground with nothing to do with all his pent up energy. He’s bound and determined not to let his tendency for spontaneity get the better of him, even if he so badly just wants to wake the man up and try to strike up a conversation. Because this guy seems done with the world and that’s a sure-fire way to make sure he doesn’t like Bucky at all. 

But as Bucky tries to get himself to stop obsessively looking over at the guy, who has his eyes shut even though Bucky is 98% sure he isn’t sleeping, he notices something sticking out of the pocket on the seat back in front of him. A boarding pass. Honestly, what person under the age of 40 still uses physical boarding passes instead of just having it on their phone? But Bucky will happily accept this turn of events because he is not beyond craning his neck forward a bit to try to read the name. 

‘Cleven.’

Okay, that’s not a super common one. He can work with that. 

Sure enough, typing ‘Cleven US Olympics’ into his phone – thank god for on board wifi – yields immediate results. Gale Cleven, 2024 Olympic athlete, equestrian/eventing. There’s countless photos of him: portraits alone, portraits with various horses, and action shots. They’re enough to make Bucky involuntarily smile and glance over at the man once again, comparing this eye-catching real life visual to these equally eye-catching professional photos, but he forces his eyes back to his phone. 

This is Gale Cleven’s  first Olympics – along with best friends Benny Demarco, also on the eventing team, and Marjorie Spencer, who is on the jumping team – but he’s argued to be one of the best riders on team USA. He’s put in stellar performances at every one of his events in the last couple years and is projected to medal, at the very least. He and his horse, Hundred Proof, lovingly known as Whiskey, have quickly become fan favorites (Bucky has no doubt that this is in part due to how beautiful the man is, and add to that how beautiful his horse is). 

Realizing he hardly even knows what eventing is or how it’s different from the other equestrian disciplines at the Olympics, Bucky spends the better part of half an hour reading up on the basics before returning to an article about Gale Cleven, which links to a highlight video of their recent experience at the Olympic trials just weeks ago, where he and Whiskey placed first. Dressage, jumping, and cross country. Bucky finds himself completely fascinated by all of it. 

He has vague memories of watching this event during the last Olympics. Vague memories of watching several riders take hard falls during the cross country portion. He wonders about Gale, if he’s ever been hurt doing the sport that he loves. God knows Bucky has. 

He doesn’t want to imagine that pretty face in pain. And honestly, what is he doing even thinking about it? The guy hasn’t said two words to him, literally. He could be a dick. 

Except, by all accounts online, he’s not. Everyone loves him. 

Okay. Bucky can’t take it anymore. They have four hours left on this plane. He needs that man’s attention on him. Needs to see those eyes focused on him. Needs to find out if his voice is as intoxicating as the rest of him.

As if the world is on his side, they hit some turbulence right then, making Gale open his eyes and glance around groggily. Panicking, Bucky attempts to be inconspicuous as he lets his complementary bag of pretzels drop to the ground, landing by Gale’s feet. He watches as Gale notices it, leans over even as he’s getting bumped around by the rough air, and snatches the bag between long, slender fingers. 

He peeks up at Bucky with the tiniest hint of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it smile and holds the pretzels out. Bucky smiles lopsidedly back at him and thanks him. 

Gale has every intention of just closing his eyes once again after that. That brief moment of eye contact alone, that goofy grin and those eyes, were enough to make his heart flutter all funny. Not only does he not need that right now, but he can’t think of a single thing to say to this man. Should he say something funny or sarcastic about the pretzels passing from hand to hand, their fingertips brushing just the littlest bit in a way that jolts Gale’s system? Or should he ask John about… well, about what? It feels so unfair that he knows who John is, even if he doesn’t know shit about his sport, but he knows that John probably doesn’t have the slightest idea who he is. 

Maybe he should introduce himself? But they’ve been sitting beside each other for at least three hours now and Gale has pointedly ignored him like a fucking asshole and… oh no. Oh no. 

John Egan, two time Olympian and the most beautiful man he’s ever set eyes on, is going to think he’s an asshole. All because Gale, exhausted and frustrated and nervous as he is, couldn’t figure out how to speak to an attractive man and chose to just… what? Not acknowledge him for seven hours? Like an idiot. 

And then Gale sees John’s phone, which is sitting face up in his lap. John is staring down at it intently, chewing on his thumbnail. It’s a video of cross country. It’s a video of Gale. 

“Bold of you to watch a video of someone you’re sitting next to,” Gale muses. 

John looks up at him, but he doesn’t look startled or cornered or caught in the act like Gale might’ve expected. He just looks at Gale, completely sincere, and shrugs. “Well, I had to look you up so I could figure out what the hell to say to you.”

Gale arches an eyebrow. He doesn’t know if he’s flattered? Or… something else? “How about ‘hi’?”

John’s smile twists into a smirk. “I tried that didn’t I? You didn’t seem too interested in introductions.”

Gale feels himself blushing and he hates it, but John’s expression doesn’t change. His eyes are still staring right at him. “Sorry. I, uh…” Gale rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “It’s been a really, really long couple days.” He sighs and attempts to hold out a hand to shake, but immediately regrets it in this weird small space where he and John are already shoulder to shoulder. “Well, I’m Gale Cleven.”

John takes his hand anyway. “John Egan. Everyone calls me Bucky, though.”

“I know who you are.”

“You watch gymnastics?”

Gale shakes his head. “Not really. I don’t know much about it. Everyone’s talkin’ about you though. It’s hard not to know your name.”

It’s Bucky’s turn to blush as he lets go of Gale’s hand. Even if it’s true, he never really gets used to it. He’s always liked getting people’s attention, but he never knows how he feels about that attention being nationwide. Much less global. “We’re even then. I don’t know shit about horses.” He motions to his phone. “Hence why I had to look up eventing and all.”

This man sat here for who knows how long, looking up Gale and his sport, just to have something to say to him? Suddenly, Gale doesn’t feel tired for the first time in two days. “What kind of nickname is Bucky? What is this, the forties?”

“What kind of a name is Gale?” Bucky retorts smoothly, and Gale doesn’t even know what to say to that. 

“Mine.”

Bucky looks at him like he doesn’t know what to make of him, and Gale tries not to squirm under that gaze. But Bucky just tilts his head, looks Gale up and down. “I suppose it is.” Then, after a pause, “you know, you remind me of a buddy back home where I grew up. Everyone called him Buck.”

“Seriously? Buck and Bucky?”

“You got it, Buck.”

Gale turns away momentarily to look out his window, hiding a smile behind his hand. What even is this guy? “‘Buck’ is something I’d rather my horse not do.”

Bucky can’t help the grin that breaks out over his face, and he doesn’t bother hiding it when Gale turns his head to look at him again. And Bucky was right, after all. Having this man’s attention on him is like basking in the sunlight. And that southern drawl is like a drug. He needs it not to stop.

For all the not-talking they were doing before, now they barely shut up for the rest of the flight. Bucky learns that Gale missed his original flight because of one of his younger horses getting sick, and that he’s barely slept in two days. He learns that Gale has been riding horses since before he could walk. He grew up in Wyoming, surrounded by ranch land, where he learned to ride western as a young child. But his mom always loved English, and soon Gale fell in love with it, too. The way jumping made him feel like he was flying, the way cross country tested his mental and physical limits, and most of all, the beauty and elegance of dressage. Gale couldn’t get enough. Horses were his escape from an unpleasant home life that he won’t elaborate on (and that Gale is shocked at himself for mentioning at all). 

He spent as much time as possible at the nearby stables, taking summer and after school jobs doing farm work in exchange for ride time. He trained green horses from the ground up, substituting a can-do attitude and a saintly patience for his ragtag hand-me-down clothes and tack. He left Wyoming first chance he got, moved to the east coast on a need-based college scholarship and settled in Maryland to get better access to the training he knew he needed if he wanted to make a name for himself. He’s had his lovely mare – a stunning 17 hand chestnut Hanoverian – since she was just two years old. She’s 9 now, and Gale brought her along from the beginning. 

Bucky is in awe of how soft Gale gets when he talks about her. How much he so clearly loves her, not just as an animal, but as an athlete, a partner, a best friend, a child. Gale shows Bucky a photo of her, but Bucky can’t help but look at Gale instead. Can’t help but wonder how much he’d have to do right to get this perfect human beside him to look at him like that. A ridiculous thought, but this is the happiest Bucky has felt in a while. And it’s all happening while he’s sitting on a plane over the Atlantic.

Gale learns that Bucky has been a gymnast since he was just four years old. His sister somehow convinced him to do it with her, and so he did, even though his child self thought it was a girly sport, because he always wanted to please his big sister. His sister ended up dropping it, as children do, jumping from hobby to hobby like a wildfire. But Bucky kept going. It was the perfect sport to keep his mind and body occupied, to still his incessant fidgeting and make him focus on something productive. He’s always loved the floor exercise the best – the combination of power and strength and elegance. It’s one of his best events, along with rings. 

He’d always been good, but when he hit puberty and shot up like a beanstalk, packing on the muscle, he became unstoppable. People told him he’d be too tall to ever make anything of it, but he sought to prove them wrong, finding ways to adapt his height to the events, ways to make his size work to his advantage. He went to college on a full scholarship for gymnastics and ended up with one of the top gyms in the country, located in D.C. He went to the Tokyo Olympics and is now back for more. His sister died suddenly before she ever got to see him become an Olympian, but he feels her there with every tumbling pass, every high bar routine. He does it, in part, for her. Even when he broke his leg in a freak accident two years ago (which he won’t elaborate on), he kept on pushing, came back with a vengeance. Not only because he needs gymnastics, but because he didn’t want to let his sister down. 

John and Gale are strangers, and yet they’ve told each other things they only ever say to their closest friends. And neither of them is really even sure why. Why it feels so easy between them. Why it feels so natural, like they were always supposed to end up right here.  

But eventually the plane lands. The athletes disembark. And Bucky is devastated to realize that he’s lost Gale in the crowd of red, white, and blue. He’s even more devastated to realize he forgot to get his number. 

—

“Who the hell are you lookin’ for?” Curt asks, shaking his head at Bucky, who keeps looking frantically over the crowd with a lost and hopeful expression all over his face. They’re at the baggage claim, dragging their luggage away from the conveyor belt and towards the exit doors. 

There’s not much Bucky won’t tell Curt, to be honest, so he doesn’t even hesitate or act the slightest bit shy about it. “The guy I sat next to on the plane.”

“I’m gonna need more than that.”

“Tall, blonde, horseback rider. Fuckin’ beautiful.”

Curt blinks at him. “You talkin’ about Gale Cleven?” 

Bucky spins around so fast he whacks Curt in the chest with his duffel. “You know him?”

Curt shrugs. “Sorta. We’ve met a couple times. Went to school together.” WHAT?

“Do you have his number?” Bucky pleads desperately, and Curt just chuckles and shakes his head at him.

“Sorry, man. Don’t know him like that. Why are ya actin’ like he’s your one true love and you’ve gotta run through an airport to make sure he knows before he flies away?”

Bucky freezes, stares somewhere that isn’t at Curt’s face. “I just- He’s-”

Curt breaks out into laughter, rubbing a hand over his eyes. “Hell, Bucky, only you would fall in love with a stranger on a fuckin’ plane.”

Hold on. Back up. “I’m not in love-”

“You know what,” Curt interrupts him. “I’m not even surprised. What did I really expect when I made you sit on your own?”

“Oh fuck off,” Bucky snaps halfheartedly, resigned to the fact that Gale has disappeared, maybe never to be seen again.

“I mean, at least it’s Cleven and not your usual.”

“My usual?”

Curt nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, like, at least Gale is a nice guy.” Okay, Bucky supposes Curt might have a point. He’s not exactly known for having good taste in the men he dates and their general… personalities. “And he’s like, adorable.”

Bucky laughs. Adorable. Yeah, that’s one way to describe Gale, he supposes. Good looking, hot, beautiful, perfect. “He looks like a literal fucking angel,” he laments.

“A pretty puppy that you just wanna hug.”

Bucky groans as he sets his bag down by one of the exit doors, where they’re waiting for some of their teammates. “Shit, I can’t believe I didn’t even get his number.”

“Oh, did Bucky fall in love with the pretty boy he was sitting next to?” Croz joins them at the door, dropping his bag at his feet with a heavy thunk.

“Real shocker, right?” Curt jokes.

Croz whistles and shakes his head. “Jesus, the way he was looking at you. I think it’s mutual.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Bucky pouts. He halfheartedly kicks at his duffle. “I didn’t get his number.”

“Bucky,” Curt says, with a look that says you’re fucking ridiculous, as if Bucky doesn’t already know. But then he points out, “We’re at the Olympics. He’s probably stayin’ in the Village, just like us. And you know what events he’s gonna be in.”

Right. Right right right. Yeah, there’s plenty of ways he could possibly track this guy down. 

“Yeah, simple,” Croz agrees. “Operation Find Bucky’s Soulmate is a go.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and shoves Croz, but all three of them are laughing as they grab their bags and head out of the airport.

“You better not let this get in the way of the Games,” Curt warns. He doesn’t think it’ll come to that, but he also knows that Bucky can get… distracted.

But as much as Bucky wants to find Gale again, as determined as he is to do it, the Games are too important to him. He vows to himself that he won’t let anything get in the way of seeking that gold medal, but Hell, he can do both, can’t he?

–

Turns out, for all the time Bucky spent his first night in Paris trying to figure out where Gale might be when – where is he staying? When are his events? His ride times? Where are the Team USA horses stabled? How to get past security at said stables? – it was all pointless. Bright and early the next morning, as he wanders the dining hall and ogles the muffins he knows he probably shouldn’t have too many of, he slams right into someone else. 

“Oh, fuck, sorry,” he mumbles, but then he looks at the guy and his breath catches. Gale Cleven is in front of him, rubbing his chest where Bucky just collided with him and spilled coffee all over his bright white polo shirt. “Oh fuck,” Bucky says again, this time with significantly more alarm. 

Gale just looks back at him with an amused, endearing sort of smile that Bucky cannot sort out the meaning of. “Bucky.”

Bucky is mortified. He is not a person who is easily mortified, but if a black hole opened up at his feet right now, he would kindly accept that fate over whatever embarrassment this is. “Buck.”

“Still with the nickname I see.”

Bucky isn’t focused on that right now, though. “I’m so sorry. God, I can’t believe I did that. Maybe we can get it out?” He reaches awkwardly towards Gale, rubbing his fingertips over the coffee stain before he realizes that he’s just casually feeling Gale’s rock-solid chest in the middle of the Olympic Village dining hall and there are, in fact, other athletes swarming about, having to part around them. 

And yet, Gale doesn’t seem to care one bit.

“It’s fine,” he says calmly, like he’s trying to placate a nervous child. Bucky can’t really even care because that voice will be the death of him anyways. “I’ll just change after breakfast,” Gale rationalizes. “It’ll come out in the wash, no problem.”

Bucky nods dumbly before motioning towards the dining area. “Have breakfast with me?”

Gale’s smile shifts to something sweeter, shyer, more genuine and oh Bucky wants to make that happen as much as he can. “I’d like that. Let me just finish getting some food.” 

Bucky nods because, right, of course, Gale doesn’t even have anything on his tray yet. So he says he’ll save them a seat and they part ways and Bucky tries not to wonder if Gale only said that to get him to go away and won’t actually come back. After all, what would a beautiful, charming, level-headed guy like Gale see in a cocky, awkward mess of a guy like Bucky?

But a few minutes later, he looks up to a shadow standing beside the table, and there he is. He didn’t leave. Gale doesn’t quite smile with his mouth, but it’s in his eyes, the softness of his face. He sets a cup of coffee down in front of Bucky before taking a seat across the table from him.

“You got me new coffee?”

“It was the least I could do, since yours ended up all over my shirt.” Gale motions to the stain right over his left pec.

“I ran into you,” Bucky insists. But he takes the coffee gratefully and sips it with far too much need.

“I think we kinda ran into each other.” Bucky is about to say something sarcastic or funny in response, but Gale is already moving on. He really just doesn’t care that Bucky ruined his shirt. Okay then. “Thank God I found you,” he’s saying, and he actually looks relieved. “I got to the baggage claim and realized I couldn’t see you anywhere, and I forgot to ask for your number cause I’m an idiot, Jesus-“

A laugh bubbles out of Bucky’s mouth, because he genuinely can’t believe that the disappointing feeling of devastating loss he’d experienced in the airport was mutual. “It’s okay. I did the same thing.” He shrugs. “But it looks like fate just keeps bringing us together.”

“Looks like it, huh?”

And they fall into the same easy conversation that they did on the plane. Gale tells Bucky that Whiskey is doing well. She arrived safely and is already strutting around the stables like she owns the place. The equestrian facilities are located nearly an hour from the village, so being there will take up a lot of his time, but his friends, Benny and Marge, keep insisting that he needs to socialize, whatever that means.

Bucky tells Gale about Curt, and Gale is surprisingly excited to hear about his old classmate, saying he’d love to see him again. Bucky promises him that he’ll make it happen. Tells him about all the wild shit they get up to when they travel, about how close they’ve become over the years.

Gale promises him that he’ll get to meet Whiskey sometime, if he wants (yes, John very much wants).

They tell each other about their sports, about the events and the rules and everything they love (and hate) about them. Bucky tells Gale about some of the skills he has planned, which includes a skill or two that he himself actually introduced to the world stage, meaning they’re named after him in the FIG Code of Points.

“Wait,” Gale stops him mid-sentence. “You have your own skills named after you? There’s a skill in the code book called ‘the Egan’?”

Bucky nods, like it’s not a big deal. “Yeah,” he says. “Three.” Gale is stunned.

Gale tells Bucky about flying all over the world with his horse and how much effort goes into just shipping her from place to place. He tells him about how much this Olympics means to him. How he’s, you know, a normal amount of freaking the fuck out about riding at Château de Versailles. He’s done his share of major international events, but shit, nothing has ever come close to riding in an arena set between beyond-perfectly manicured gardens in front of a palace.

Both of them lose track of time, and neither of them can really remember what they’re supposed to be doing this morning instead of sitting here, lost in conversation with someone they just met but might as well have known their entire lives. Lost in pretty eyes and perfect smiles and contagious laughs, leaning across the table towards each other and giggling like schoolgirls, so close Gale can smell the coffee on Bucky’s breath.

Bucky keeps spinning around in circles in his head, trying to decide if he’s imagining the way Gale is staring at him. Trying to decide what those facial expressions mean. He decides right there and then that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if Gale is gay or straight or if they can be friends or if they could ever be more; John just wants this man in his life. He wants to make him smile and hear the sound of his laugh and just be in his presence. He wants to know who Gale Cleven is, and he wants Gale to know who he is. In a way that he’s never cared about with anyone else.

He’s been trying to play this cool. Sure, he may be failing miserably, but he at least tries not to push too much too fast. Tries to just enjoy talking to this wonderful person. Because he’s actually crazy for feeling so much so quickly. But then again, that’s kind of how he’s always been: a little crazy. 

What he doesn’t know is that Gale is thinking the same thing. He’s drawn to Bucky like a moth to a flame, and he’s terrified because he knows he might get burned. Because what would such a good-looking, self-assured, and captivating guy like John Egan want in a reserved, awkward mess of a guy like Gale? It feels actually insane, the way he wants John’s attention. It’s so out of character for him and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. Doesn’t want it to stop. 

So he finds himself saying, “I have some free time this afternoon. Do you wanna check out the village or something?”

And Bucky says yes with such enthusiasm that Gale thinks maybe he feels it, too. 

—

Part 2

[th3b4dk1dzz]

Darkest Hour Map/Song Analysis and speculation

Let me preface that while I would have loved Sweet Dreams in the game, I absolutely respect the hell out of the monumental task this song would have been to create. To write a song for a preexisting dance has never been done before, so to make it sync with the scene transitions and the routine, capture the right energy, tell the story effectively, be the right time length exactly and to sound different enough from the original song, that sounds like an impossible task for anyone to complete, so full credit where credit is due.

What I will say is, what we do get in Darkest Hour that we didn't get in Sweet Dreams is a lot more specificity to the lyrics, which might enlighten us to what really happened to Leda. I want to pick certain moments and go into what the implications for what they might mean.

Spoilers Ahead

And keep in mind this will be a Long Post.

"I would play the game, Every hour through the night"

Now we know Leda is from our world. We know, like Sara, Just Dance is a game that became real to her. However, unlike Sara, she chose to stay there at the end of MOTD, so suddenly, she's in the game every hour through the night. It couldn't have been good for her in the long run. I think this twisted up her perception and clarity, making her more vulnerable to whatever happened to her.

What's interesting is that before the faces in the background take on Leda's visage, they are constructed using machinery and polygonal, much like how video games are a mix of machinery and coding, which shift to resemble her more.

"In the dark flow shadows, the mirror lies to me"

The mirror lying to her might allude to the large holographic versions of her own face, harmonising with her or this giant visage of herself as the perfect ballerina. These being potentially the siren whispers she mentioned, luring her to ruin. However, it could also refer to her illusory powers, most likely granted to her from the dark flow. Using this power to first, trick Wanderlust at the end of Canned Heat and then to trick Sara in YSMIAC.

But if we want to look at specific instances of mirrors lying, then look no further than Jack's maps. First in LOOH, we see these mirrors showing Night Swan, instead of himself reflected back in the verses. Then, in Treasure, we see these versions of Jack as the perfect performer (much like Leda saw of herself) coming out of the mirrors. It should be worth mentioning that Treasure itself takes place in a reflection cast into a pool of water.

"I Traded in my Dreams"

Now, this is interesting. This means being Night Swan wasn't Leda's Dream at all. We've been led to believe that she wanted to be Night Swan, that's what she wants to be. But everything in this map suggests she is not in control and was corrupted much like the coaches under her control.

In the section where the smoke see Leda clutching her head, much like Sara does in YSMIAC while she is fighting off the thrall of the Dark Flow. Much like Night Sara was able to corrupt the other Just Dancers with her own newfound dark flow in Swan Lake, while being corrupted herself.

Maybe Leda was corrupted and used that to corruption on her minions in herself. Almost as if this Dark Flow is spreading, adapting, and evolving throughout the Danceverses, and Leda was just patient 0.

As we see in the first verse for Treasure it looks like the mirror room is in some kind of guilded cage, and the pool which the Ilusion is cast into turns gold. As we zoom out of her eye at the end of the map, it turns gold. Is Leda in a guilded cage of her own, inside her own mind?

So, who corrupted Leda?

Someone acting on The Traveller's Interests/Public Image

I don't think The Traveller would have actively harmed Leda. Also, if you want to keep a past relationship a secret, turning her into an evil magic warlord is certainly not the most discreet cover up.

We know that from when Night Swan took over the JD Twitter account in the run up to JD24, Wanderlust is referred to the 'the son of gods'. Note the plural 'Gods', not just one. So The Traveller is a God confirmed. And if there's one thing I 've gathered about the structure of Deities within the Danceverses is they have a lot of stupid rules that don't help anyone.

I could go into a deep tangent on how the political system for the Deitys seems like a hot mess. And one day, I will (believe me, I will).

So The Traveller becomes a God, and someone else essentially decides to clean up his image, including getting rid of a mortal he brought through, who won't leave. Again, I think creating an evil witch trying to take over the Danceverses isn't the best way to sweep someone under the rug, I think, maybe, someone led her to the scariest, most abandoned part of Cygnus to scare her away and try to make her go home. What happened next was not what the Gods intended.

So, which Deity would be high ranking enough enact a cleanup act of another Deity's reputation and has an association, with mirrors and reflections? Belacus, P2 from Woman.

Her headdress has a large disc that looks a lot like a mirror, much like P3 Derkes, is a fire goddess, Belacus has a lot of motifs associated with water, the fishscale teardrop in the middle of her torso, the wave-like tattoos on her chest and water can be attributed Night Swan (The pool of water in Treasure, Swan Lake, Night Swan taking to the boat at the end of DWTS). And working directly under Selios, perhaps the most powerful Deity we know of to date, she would definitely want the rest of the pantheon to her personal standards. Also, Belacus wears a lot of blue, which is also the Traveller's signature colour.

Another Villain from Eternyx

Leda says in Darkest Hour that she was haunted by the dream. Which villain do we know ca haunt dreams and is associated with Eternyx? Cthylla! We see her haunting Scotty's dream in Cradles, and also her Avatar quote, "When you sleep, I'll be there in your dreams"

The map for Darkest Hour is also filled with this pink smoke, which looks to be the same shade of pink that Cthylla is. Again, tying it to the water motif, We see her emerging from the water in the teaser for BS&V (and the real Lovecraftian mythos Cthylla, who the game version is based on, was a water dwelling deity). Also, when do most people dream? At Night.

What do we see in the sky in both Treasure and Cradles has pink clouds in the distance, while in the last chorus of Treasure, there is a large image of perfect Jack in the centre, not on the screens, but transparent like the image of Ballerina Leda when she's on the rooftops.

Also, the second verse and bridge of Treasure seems to take place in some kind of industrial part of Eternyx. Maybe the abandoned factory?

TL:DR: Leda was tricked by Belacus, working on Selios' behalf, into entering the 'abandoned' factory in Darkest Hour with the intent of scaring her into going back to Earth. However, while there, she was corrupted by Cthylla, her warped perception of reality, making her easy to control. Now possessed by the Dark Flow, she can corrupt others by proxy.

Sorry this was so long, and if it doesn't make any sense,but I thought it was interesting, That this map left so many unanswered questions, about what really went down.

[qvrcll]

leon kennedy hcs — ᥫ᭡

summary: a collection of leon kennedy headcanons i had procured deep in my notes app :-) can be applied to any version of leon, if i’m being honest.

warnings: nsfw mentioned in orange under the cut, ambiguous fem reader, older leon in some parts, food mentioned

a/n: recently wanted to write up some head-canons for leon as i had for past fandoms i was in, so voila :-) ngl i might make a part 2 !! i always appreciate the comments / rb’s / notes, ty i love you all :-,)

thinking about re2r ! leon who constantly provides you with a lunch before clearing off to work. he thinks its the one, amassable way he could ever amount to the love you’d shed on him — it’s a simple routine to fall into. he’d wake up around the early morning hours, gently peppering your forehead with light kisses before hesitantly peeling his body from yours. then, he’d spend most of the next few successive hours threading a delicious yet cute lunch for you. tomato soup, using cream to make a cat face on the vermillion surface? already packed away. a sandwich with cute hearts decorating the brown of the bread? he’s already prepared two. always making sure you’re well and sewed-up with your lunches for the ongoing day!

i think he’d also love his fair share of physical contact. it would begin in the early stages of dating, when he’d catch you coiled in your seat during the dilatory hours of the evening. you should have been in bed now, instead you’re effecting your incredibly important report, eyes cumbrous with sleep and your body slumped against the hard-wood bench. awkward and tense. so leon walks over, with his hands coasting your collar bones / shoulders / temple / forehead and softly palming it, effectively melting all the stagnant stress like water with a sigh. other times, he loves to cuddle you close — full-blown plastered against him like another layer of skin, limbs tangled with each-other to the point of not knowing where you start and where he ends, hands spun on your neck / thigh to gently massage the area when he feels himself maunder into a bottomless sleep with you corralled in his arms.

he acts like an old man and i will die undefeated on this hill — whenever he picks up from a particularly good nap, he always makes that deep, scratchy sound at the back of his throat, even stretches his limbs as far as they can go and then proceeds to whinge in pain from the pull of his muscles for added effect. squints when you hold up the phone to him, holds it away from his face. he also periodically sends you pictures of cute animals with some overly intent caption like “i’m feeling fabulous today and so should you :)” or something so embarrassingly cute in the most leon way because he thinks they’re the funniest thing in the world. ALSO an adamant advocate for instagram reels I JUST KNOW IT he chuckles loudly and ends up on them for hours.

re2r ! leon definitely got emotional / teared up / cried when you did anything to show him affection. for instance, you’d tell him you made him a playlist and this man ended up listening to it on repeat in bed, woke up with tears on his pillow. he’d also get overly excited when you remember some obscure detail about him that he revealed half-drunk in some bar over clamorous music. maybe he told you how he had a phase where he just listened to linkin park on repeat or how much he loves a certain brand of pasta — when you bring it up, he’s feverishly rubbing his hands against his jeans, eyes swallowed by a want he doesn’t even know is there, nattering again and again the words “wait, you caught that?” with a dopey, fresh grin on his face.

he’s pretty constant about his hair — his barber’s have basically memorised his preferred style / length whenever he visits them. he prefers to get them cut when a gruelling mission nearly cost him his life because he couldn’t reload in time, due to the strands assaulting his eyes. or maybe the summer made him realise its time to nominate a shorter cut. but he gets so psyched whenever you get your hair cut / done. whatever hairstyle / length, cut short in a pixie or a layered look or some goddess locs / knotless, he’s always in awe of you. he discerns your maintenance pattern and gets involved sometimes, maybe lathering oil on your roots when you’re too beat for it, or maybe he massages your head in that upwards, firm motion that has you out in seconds.

if the words “distance makes the heard fonder” ever applies, its to leon! it doesn’t even have to be that great a distance — once he’d worked on a particular operation (a few ways off) that required him to be away from home for merely a week and he’d returned, hunched in your doorway, eyes drooping at not having his human battery there. he always grasps you tight, in a hug so suffocating, to know you’re here, safe, in his arms. other times, after the outbreak, he would be required to be away one too many times for comfort. the d.s.o. was incredibly demanding, so he’d be all the more clingy when he returned, telling you just how much he hates this stupid job and how much he hates the feeling of not being near you. maybe sometimes, when he’s away for god knows how long, he video calls you out of fear of never seeing you again. he’d be instantly relieved by your familiar face lighting up the screen, exclaiming his name in that familiar tone. maybe sometimes, when he’s too spent, he’d feel himself falling for worse desires, palming himself through his pants at the sound of your voice if you’d tease him long enough, liquid and canorous voice emitting from his phone as he pathetically whines at your muffled praises. his eyes nearly fall out when he catches your fingers pressing firmly against your clothed heat, clit pressing against the fabric, wanton moans making it hard to stymie his release. its an unspoken, mutual agreement that the first day back is going to be a wordless detour to the bedroom.

amused when you take an interest in his weapons / holster / work place materials. although he loathes his job and would never give a green light for you to get caught up in this obstructive mess, he does enjoy the feeling of teaching you the bare basics of, for instance, self defence or maybe the correct compartments of a gun. he loves your concentration face, the way your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek or slips out in a “:P” when you’re poking around the metal build of his shot gun or feeling the rough material of his age old holster with such thought. i’m not sure where the thought came from, but if you ever mention wanting to build something (an extra shelf or a nook for clothes) leon operates in the sneakiest ways — when you’re at work, at a friend’s or simply out for long enough for him to attain the request at command. definitely does it without a manual and loves watching you exclaim in surprise when you get back, burying his nose into the crook of your neck, glad he could give you this crack of elation after everything you’ve done for him.

loves buying you gifts when he stops around a store — a plushie, that head scratcher you really reallllyy wanted, maybe even lingerie and cute costumes ;) once, you surprised him by getting a cowboy lingerie piece and this man barrelled into you and onto the bed. he’d been breathless, rubbing circles into your hips as your squirmed, not giving you the swell of pleasure you begged for — “think you can get away with this, huh? teasing me like that. come here,” and the words would die on his tongue as he shifted the skimpy under-piece and licked a long line across your throbbing heat, holding back a laugh when you’d twitch and hitter in his clutches. staying true to the word, you had asked him if you could ride him and he almost flew to the heavens, cooing “of course you can, sweetheart,” amassing the flesh of your bottom in his hands as you fervently rode him, sickly enjoying the way you whined and keened from the way he was brimming you. slotted into one another, breaths locking as one. needless to say, he definitely buys you more outfits which you always remember to accoutre yourself with to show your gratitude :)

© 2023 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.

[annabtg]

You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over. It’s kinda vain as a women. Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans? Bruh, please. The whole fucken school knew. Sirius doesn’t have tattoos and he’s pretty much asexual in canon from what we know. Not in your fics because he’s fanon and not canon.

I shouldn't even publish this ask, because people will laugh at your lack of reading comprehension, but you started it and I love talking Sirius so here's a breakdown of your seven deadly sins:

1. You completely failed to understand the assignment. Fanon doesn't mean "written by a fan". Fanon means a prevalent version of a character or event which is not supported by canon. Fanon Sirius is a very specific phenomenon, ranted about by @artemisia-black here and summarized by me here. You have failed to provide any examples from my writing that allude to such a portrayal of Sirius.

2. Instead, you complained about my portrayal of Sirius and called it fanon, providing (a pathetic excuse of) examples that aren't anywhere in the fanon version of Sirius and are in fact much closer to canon Sirius. You might have been trying to call my Sirius OOC, but you're probably like twelve and have yet to learn your fandom terminology.

3. "You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over" that's canon actually. JKR goes out of her way to tell us how handsome and attractive he was pre-Azkaban every time it comes up:

His face wasn't sunken and waxy, but handsome, full of laughter. (Prisoner of Azkaban)

Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking, his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James's nor Harry's could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn't seem to have noticed. (Order of the Phoenix)

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. (Order of the Phoenix)

(I'll stop here because I don't have my books with me and digging up the quotes is proving difficult.)

4. "It's kinda vain as a women" Can You Even English, Bro. Are you saying that I describe Sirius as a person who is as vain as a woman? If so you're not only incorrect, but also sexist.

5. "Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans?"

We're talking about My Best Friend's Girl, right? Here's the quote you've been searching for:

Sirius had sometimes thought that James might fancy Lily. He had caught him staring at her, he had noticed something particular in his tone of voice when he spoke to her; and yet, every time he had asked him, James had vehemently denied it.

And because I can't shut up about this story, here's another quote from that same scene:

“D’you think she likes you?”

“We’ll find out.” He grabbed another handful of beans out of the packet in his backpack and stuffed them in his mouth, watching James intently. He had returned to his studying, but he looked vexed. “D’you think I shouldn’t?” he asked.

“Who am I to stop you?” James muttered, his eyes still on his book.

Sirius shrugged to himself. If James insisted on taking it all in stride, he wasn’t going to miss his chance with a beautiful girl on a hunch.

Sirius is not stupid. He knows James has a thing for Lily. But it's not his place or his responsibility to do anything about that for a James that won't so much as acknowledge it to his best friend. And he definitely doesn't think that, just because James likes Lily, Lily shouldn't go out with anyone. She's a free girl and she can like a boy if she wants to, including one whose best friend has a crush on her. Bad luck, Prongs.

(I could talk at length about everyone's behaviour in this fic but I'd rather do that in a separate post and not in one addressing a rude anon.)

6. "Sirius doesn't have tattoos" Still waiting for any quote from any of my stories where he has a tattoo.

7. "he's pretty much asexual in canon from what we know" lack of a sexual relationship ≠ asexual. Your interpretation is not the only valid one.

Final grade: L for LURK MOAR.

[t1red-twilight]

soft peter headcannons

summary: might cause cavities

content/warnings: gn!reader, andrew!peter, fluffffff

word count: 0.4k

masterlist

- peter is not that much of an outspoken guy (outside of spidersona, lmao)

- this is mirrored in how he loves you

- he’s super gentle. he kisses you very gently, holds you gently, isn’t super rough at all

- ushy gushy mushy loser make outs

- he loves going on little outings with you

- whether that’s a dinner reservation, or coffee while you sit in silence doing copious amounts of homework.

- he always pays, but he does so very quietly. you don’t notice most of the time

- “you already paid? good god peter. i have money, you know” (jokingly, of course)

- you might as well be an rn with the amount of times you’ve patched him up and disinfected his wounds

- your first aid kit has expanded to be like a cabinet full of anything that you may need at a moment’s notice

- he got you matching necklaces for christmas one year

- he wears his every day.

- when someone asks him about it, he gets all giddy and tells them all about you

- “its a matching necklace with my partner! y’know they actually-”

- he's not super big on pda

- you asked him once about this, and he had told you that he didn’t want to ‘commodify’ your relationship. he wanted to keep that part private and just to yourselves

- showers together </3

- before you move in together, showers together had become so commonplace that he took pictures of your shampoo and body wash and stuff and just kinda bought them for his place

- will just hold you in the shower for an unprecedented amount of time

- i WILL write a full length version of this if even just one person asks.

- CANDID PHOTOS AND VIDEOS

- petey boy loves his camera and will take pictures of you whenever he feels prompted

- in the beginning you would point out when he would take pictures, but now you’re just used to it.

- think ‘dead wife montage’ from the beginning of a movie (minus the deceased part, i suppose)

- lowkey gives the best hugs

- he’ll hold the back of your head and tuck his face into your neck and just squeeze

- he teases you semi-regularly

- he’s super playful with you and likes to show his affection that way

- your morning routine is memorized at this point

- sometimes you don’t even to talk to each other, you just naturally know your way around each other super well

- he’s super domestic, actually

- loves making dinner together, reading the same books and talking about them, movie marathons (followed by over analyzing them, of course)

- if you’re in college, he’ll help you with your homework

- he’s very good at explaining things

- rewards you with little smooches

- puts his glasses on you

- your closets have molded into one massive super closet

- you wear each other’s t-shirts and hoodies all the time

- buys you little trinkets

- concluding thoughts: soft is peter’s middle name. he so loves to be around you and he loves even more that you love being around him.

[absolutebl]

Recommendation for something to watch and complete on a off day? I am also off today. Something soft and full of love preferably....

10 Soft BL's to Binge In A Day

(Since I don't sleep and watch high speed I binge full length Thai BL but I'm assuming you want something shorter than that, so I've limited myself to a 5hr runtime.)

1. Semantic Error (Korea Viki) - Sexy older boy discovers pouty younger boy has outed him as a slacker, starts out bullying him, accidentally falls madly in love. Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks by doing a university BL with everything we expect from BL just done exactly right. Korea's signature quality executed perfectly with added bonus good story, great pacing, stunning visuals, and fantastic chemistry. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL. Full review.

2. Seven Days (Japan grey in 2 parts Seven Days: Monday - Thursday, Seven Days: Friday - Sunday) - one of the best live action yaoi mangas ever made. The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat, there’s still more kisses than Cherry Magic. Popular first year Seiryo has a policy of going out with any girl who asks… for one week. On a lark, third year Yuzuru tests to see if that policy also applies to boys. Seiryo agrees that it does. Along the way they accidentally fall in love. All the angst is just teen confusion. 

3. Our Dating Sim (Korea Viki) - I enjoyed every aspect from the casting to the very simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s very low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story. Do we call this cozy BL? Why not? This one is going to live in my rewatch pile, I can tell already, and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent. It perfectly suited KBL’s short-length tendencies. Full review.

4. Light On Me (Korea Viki - Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles. LoM strategically tailors classic BL tropes to 2 different semes resulting in pristine pacing, plot, and character development, explicitly serving narrative (not just to tick boxes). LoM is a master class in this trope drops. (If you write fanfic or romance you should study this show.) Full review.

5. Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan Gaga & Viki) - I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show. Reserved cool kid who must learn to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charming: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning. Was there plot? Not really. Was it emotionally tense and paced well enough for me not to notice? Absolutely. Did I enjoy the hell out of it? Oh yes. Full review.

6. HIStory 2: Crossing the Line (Taiwan Viki) - super low stakes sweetest story of the bad boy who falls hard for the senior on the volleyball team and then works to earn his love. You know it’s Taiwan so the kisses are great but in this case it also ends well. Only trigger is that the side couple is the stepbrothers trope, and some don’t like that.

7. Cherry Magic (Japan indie subbed) AKA Doutei dato Mahoutsukai ni narerurashii - the sweetest, fluffiest, most charming bit of adorable ever, full of found family and pastry and serious slapstick, the characters are utterly bonkers, but cute about it. 

8. Wish You (Korea Netflix or Viki, you want the movie version) AKA WISH YOU: Your Melody in My Heart - low stakes high pining romance about a pianist who falls in love with a busker who is on his way to being the next big idol. 

9. Restart After Come Back Home (Japan indie subbed or Gaga?) - this one is perfect if you just want a beautiful loving movie, and one that is well filmed and complex enough to appeal to those who don’t normally watch BL or romance (if you have a reluctant partner). 

10. You Are Ma Boy (Vietnam YouTube) - is there angst? Nope even what could have been angst (a gay idol) doesn’t materialize, it’s just cuties in a cafe confusing each other with cat & mouse games. The side het couple is a touch disturbing, tho. 

Also Old Fashioned Cupcake, it's a bit more complicated than soft but a FANTASTIC binge watch.

(list updated May 2023, not responsible for ones that come after that date)

[bigskydreaming]

So, been awhile! Apologies for that - took a step back from most social media sites for a few months because the accumulated stresses and everpresent urgency to most things I've been dealing with for the past five plus years finally caught up with me and I kinda just....crashed, and needed some time to get my head on straight. Or whatever the non-obvious-pun version of that might be for a Known Bisexual. Everything was getting to be too constantly 'stop and go' for me, if that makes sense.....like I'd TRY to be more present on here, TRY to work on things like my patreon and fic and meta and stuff like that because I've really wanted to get back to creating actual stuff that people enjoy instead of being like My Issues: The Latest Installment and the like, but then something else would crop up and kill my momentum before it even really got going and I'd have to duck away yet again, and rinse and repeat.

HENCE! I took a more dedicated, extended leave to try and get into a headspace and build a buffer that better lends itself to me getting back to the kinds of posting/writing conditions I've thrived under in the past. It took longer than I thought, but I've never been good at accurately estimating things lol. I've still been on twitter somewhat sporadically, since a huge part of why I hate that site is its format makes it all but impossible to really get to ranting at length...y'know, as I do, my tried and true time-suck method of procrastinating...and with everything going on in the world these days I didn't want to disconnect entirely even though I did need time to work through some shit. BUT I DIGRESS.

Point is, felt like I needed something more substantial than the optimistic-but-lacking-in-actual-energy-and-planning measures I've attempted in the past couple years in order to get on top of things and achieve a measure of consistency and stability again. Less shooting for the moon because I just WANT to be back to my older, happier/more content patterns, more....putting some actual time and thought into how I can realistically make that happen instead of just trying to will it into existence through sheer stubbornness. Because obviously, THAT always works.

ANYWAY. It'll still be a couple days before I get back to regular posting/reblogging patterns or much of any of that at all.....don't be confused if you see some blink and you miss them temporary posts from me over the next day or two. I'm testing out the formatting and layout of a bunch of posts and graphics made for my patreon and original fiction stuff, since the preview post function doesn't always work with read mores in a post and they're all gonna need that lol. If anyone's up for it, I am finalizing the price/reward tiers of my patreon and could use some thoughts on the different levels - I think I have them mostly figured out but wouldn't mind some additional perspectives on how I broke things down and if I'm missing some alternatives. Just message me directly if you'd like to weigh in or lend me your thoughts!

I've never wanted my tumblr to be all about fic or just original content or anything like that, so the patreon's meant to kinda keep all that separate beyond just generalized update announcements on here. The blog will remain just a regular multi-purpose smorgasboard of my reblogs and thoughts on other posts and meta about my various fandoms and all that jazz. The patreon discord will have spaces having to do with my various fanfics, but they'll never be exclusive to it in any way, and every fic update I make will still be on my blog same as always. I've been building masterlists of all my Dick Grayson meta and all my Teen Wolf meta, as well as headcanons and writing snippets/scenes that never got posted elsewhere because I didn't consider them full fics, and I'm starting a series of posts that lean directly into my tendencies to be an Overly Opinionated Asshole who - historically speaking - has never been, uh, shy, shall we say, about Having Thoughts about various fandom patterns or trends.

So....look out for the upcoming "Kalen Vs Fandoms" post series. What? It sounded catchy to me. First up:

"Fandoms' tendency to pick one character per fandom to have every other character introduce as the dumbest person they've ever met, but no its okay, they're actually really fond of them and universally defaulting to a judgmental or patronizing shot at their intelligence every single time they're the topic of conversation among other characters just naturally happens to be part of every single other character's love language - is this perhaps NOT as endearing or affectionate as fandoms tend to treat it as?" Aka "How many people can actually say they'd be comfortable with the idea of every single person in their family or friend group leading with "I genuinely think they're stupid but I love them anyway" each time they talk about them to someone else, and if you don't think that's a normal conversation starter for people to have about a loved one, why do so many fandoms attempt to treat it as such?"

.....the length of post title should not be taken as an indicator of how long each post is. If people want to draw their own conclusions about post length based solely on the fact that they're, well, by me.....I mean. That's totally your prerogative. Nothing I can do about that!

Post topics will run the gamut, if for no other reason than gamut is an amazing word that doesn't get used enough and I wanted to use it. From "Its totally valid to project onto characters and use fic as a way to work through various issues via that projection but how much does this have to do with how defensively people react to the slighest criticism of character choices in their fics as though personally attacked - discuss" to "Criticizing and condemning the writers of source material for specific things - to rave reviews from followers - only to then do the exact same specific things in your own fics - to rave reviews from followers - while claiming that the mere fact of being a fan not getting paid for writing those specific things somehow makes them less worthy of criticism.....are we all seeing the problem here."

There's a slight chance those titles are perhaps....somewhat unnecessarily asshole-coded, but like, in a whimsical way! I think. Whatever. I'm sure it'll be fine!

Will either rhyme OR reason be involved in the order of post topics? No. Not even a little bit. Next question.

Aside from "Kalen vs Fandoms" I've been putting a lot of thought into what other topics or content I can expound upon at length, to the possible interest of people. I'm good at writing and editing and analyzing narratives. Not claiming to be the best, just not trying to fish for compliments or anything. I think my analysis of narrative and character choices has generally been of interest in most fandoms I've been in, but when I'm IN a fandom, I do personally invest in favorite characters and stories that inevitably put me in opposition to takes from fans of other characters and stories within that fandom, and when that happens, the Horseman of Discourse inevitably follows and I....do the discourse. Look, I am who I am. I see the discourse, I engage with the discourse. Unless I don't care about the topic of discourse, in which case I don't, because that discourse doesn't matter. Obviously.

SO! In the interest of posting about narrative analysis and breakdowns of writing choices, character arcs and the like but WITHOUT engaging in The Discourse, I'll be making an easy-to-find post of fandoms or source material whose characters and narratives I'm familiar enough with TO have opinions or analysises of, but for whatever reason, the fandom has never clicked for me and I've never actually felt a desire to be part of it. Thus I'm not likely to be invested or compelled enough to follow up on anyone disagreeing with my personal thoughts or analysis or various character arcs or narratives, because its literally just like, my opinion man, presented for no other purpose than to potentially be of interest to anyone who might be interested in it. No actual follow up needed on my part because I'm not particularly chuffed if people have different takes, they're totally valid, mine don't exist for the purpose of being defended there, they just exist because Opinions, I Had Them, Here Look. Or Don't. Its Totally Whatever.

Because I don't feel as strongly about these pieces of media as I do fandoms I'm personally invested in, it is trickier to come up with a comprehensive list of ones I can weigh in on. So please feel free to hit up my inbox with any fandoms, narrative or character arcs you're curious about my take on, and I'll let you know if they're fandoms I consider myself a participant in, and thus not really right for this series, or if they're something I'm just not knowledgeable about.....but if they're not an actual fandom of mine and I AM familiar enough with them to have an analytical take or response, I'll add them to the masterlist/post as a potential topic.

This series will be called and tagged "Kalen Vs Writing Choices" (That I Personally Don't Like Or Think Could Be Better). The parenthetical part is there solely to be a disclaimer clarifying that my ego is not so great that I think that My Subjective Take on the writing choices made or not made is the only one that matters. I mean, I don't intend to include the disclaimer as part of the actual tag and will mostly leave it as y'know, like, something IMPLIED, but the disclaimer still exists and thus counts. That's totally how that works.

And that's how I've chosen to awkwardly segue into the final intended-of-three post series.....Dramatically Abrupt Tonal Shift Ahoy!

This next part will get long, but I would truly appreciate it if you gave it a read despite its length and even if - especially if - the next topic isn't one you typically look for my take on, or even avoid my take on, because I don't think I'm likely to ever express my thoughts on this matter any more genuinely or directly than this. Like I'm not trying to guilt anyone or anything like that, its more I'm just trying to say if you ever read ANY single post of mine when it comes to the next topic or pick a post to base your decision on whether or not TO wade into something I have to say on this subject, I would appreciate it if you made that this next part here, as I think it best conveys where I'm coming from when it comes to most any post I make along these lines.

So. The thing is....most people who've followed me long know that in the past I've frequently been extremely vocal on topics of rape, incest and abuse, specifically through the lens of being a male survivor. These absolutely are personal for me. This has led to me having a lot of Overly Opinionated Takes on these topics and how they're talked about, depicted and treated within fandom conversations, fics, and social media spheres and conversations at large. I've also pretty obviously not posted on these topics nearly as much in recent years as I once did - but not because I feel any less strongly about them.

And that's one hundred percent because it's frustrating as hell to see a very good portion of the posts I make about any OTHER topic in my usual fandoms go on to accumulate hundreds of notes....while NONE of my posts on these topics ever break out of my direct circle of mutuals. I don't say it to be egotistical - look how many notes I get on stuff - I say it because its literally objectively factual, and the disparity is dramatic, and the disparity is a PROBLEM. Especially given how much the topics of male rape and abuse - in SPECIFIC - tend to be, within most of my past fandoms.

This disparity has a very clear reason for existing too: people have never been shy about citing that they refrain from reblogging or referencing my posts on these topics because they feel like I act like I'm the only opinion that matters on them, the sole authority to be listened to here, that I use my status as a male rape survivor as a cudgel, to shut down opposing takes or points of view.

Which I would totally be fine with or understand if not for the fact that I've always gone out of my way to express that I don't want or expect my opinions on these matters to be taken as anything other than my personal opinions born of my personal experiences, which I cite because they're relevant. I don't think that survivors should have to disclose their status or personal history or details in order to have their opinion heard on these topics, but I deeply resent how often survivors making the choice TO disclose their personal history or relationship with these topics in order to directly unpack how that informs our perspective....is weaponized AGAINST us, in order to shut down and discredit OUR takes even while literally accusing us of only disclosing in order to do the exact same thing to others.

Something that I've posted about a LOT in the hopes of getting it spread throughout fandoms that regularly talk about male rape is for literal decades I've seen people harp on about how men can be raped too, believe male survivors, don't believe the myth that men can't be raped, etc. Which like, I appreciate the sentiment, but the thing I've tried to express for years is that in my personal experience, and those of a lot of other male survivors I've talked to - this is not really the biggest or even ONE of the biggest issues most male survivors face.

And the fact that for all that there are many survivors in fandom who have made the difficult choice to be open about their traumas and recoveries - which I ALWAYS respect, as that is never easy for any of us - a huge part of why I've always made a point to disclose my own history as a male survivor is because there just flat out aren't a lot of perspectives from MALE survivors in specific, being circulated in pretty much any of the fandom spaces I've ever been in over the past twenty years. I don't even slightly think I'm any more of an expert or authority on topics of rape or abuse - beyond how they pertain to my own personal experiences - than any other survivor. But as long as the topic of MALE rape and abuse in specific, how men are affected by these things, how society reacts to us and treats us in the aftermath....as long as these are the topics explicitly being discussed.....I do think my perspective as a male survivor is pretty fucking relevant, and admittedly, I tend to get pretty heated about pushing BACK against attempts to invalidate it or shout it down as though I somehow have LESS of a stake in or right to be heard in these particular conversations. And I get how this has at times come across as attempting to dominate a given conversation.

But like.....I'm also going to point back up to the part where I said earlier....I'm an Overly Opinionated Asshole. I say it somewhat deprecatingly, for the lulz, but also not. I'm very passionate about conversations and topics I feel strongly about and I don't make apologies for it. And for the most part....this has NEVER stopped people from reblogging or liking posts I make about pretty much any other topic....despite me not really coming across that differently in most of them, compared to how I come across in most of my past posts on topics of rape and abuse.

See....I'm in complete agreement with everyone who emphasizes that rape isn't a gendered issue. That it can and does happen to individuals of any gender or identity. But the reason why I've always found the focus on 'remember that men can be raped too' more performative than helpful is because for almost twenty years, I've been posting on these topics in various fandom spaces and trying to express that in my personal experience, something that REALLY deserves to be talked about more is the fact that rape is not gendered. But rape CULTURE very much IS.

Like it or not, we live in a very gendered society still. While yes, men can be raped too.....for a number of reasons - most of them born of sexism and misogyny in specific - the conditions, catalysts and reasons for men being raped are NOT interchangeable with those at work in instances of women being raped, as an example. Because the way society treats men and women in pretty much EVERY situation is different. Similarly, the way society REACTS to men and women disclosing they've been raped is different. And so on and so on.

So 'remember that men can be raped too' has some basis in societal claims that men can't be raped or that rape IS a gendered issue....but not as much as I think most people tend to believe. And twenty years after I first started searching out perspectives of other male survivors in online fandom spaces, beyond just real world physical support groups, I'm STILL hearing 'remember that men can be raped too' dominating all conversations about male survivors just as regularly and repetitiously as it was twenty years ago....as though the world has not changed at all, and the needle on this particular facet of male survivorhood hasn't changed an inch in the past two decades when no, actually, it very much has.

The reason why I feel so strongly about offering up my perspective as a male survivor in a relative absence of seeing other male survivors' perspectives circulated is I honestly believe the reason this is so consistently upheld as the biggest problem facing male survivors is its a carry-over from women attempting to be heard and believed when disclosing....which makes sense and is completely understandable....as long as there's a complete absence of male survivors offering up any perspective that's to the contrary.

But the fact that we live in a gendered society where rape culture, not rape itself, still very much IS gendered due to being a product of....living in a gendered society....means that the differences in how society treats and reacts to men and women affects every aspect of how society treats and reacts to men and women survivors. And that starts with disclosure itself. In my personal experience - and fully acknowledging that I don't speak for any other male survivor in this moment, and I absolutely do believe there are those who have experiences to the contrary, and that matters too - MY experience, which also matters, is that not once in the twenty years since I've started disclosing about my own rape, or the csa I experienced as a child - have I actually had an issue being believed.

With full acknowledgment of how unfair it is, how gross, the reality of living in a sexist, patriarchal society where male privilege very much exists, is that while men can be raped too, this traumatic thing that happened to us does not in any way actually invalidate or negate our male privilege. It doesn't turn it off for the duration of our experience or any time its relevant to our experiences going forward. We carry that privilege with us through our recoveries and the rest of our lives just as much as we did before it, because its an inalienable result of being in a society that allocates privilege solely on the basis of being born a man who identifies and presents as a cis man (with respect to trans individuals having another axis of experience that very much differentiates all matters pertaining to rape culture, in comparison to cis men, just as much as in the case of cis women, albeit in different ways).

And the gross unfortunate reality of our society is that it ALWAYS prioritizes believing men over women, in all matters......especially cis white men like myself.

So the simple fact is....even the act of disclosure - and the likelihood of being believed when voluntarily choosing to share the information that we've been raped - means that a cis white man like myself does not receive the same reaction as most women receive when attempting to share that same information. Society preconditions a lot of people to be more receptive to taking cis white men at their word, comparative to affording anyone else that basic respect.

Getting people to believe me when I say I was raped has never been the issue for me that other individuals face.

But that doesn't mean that my disclosure doesn't result in issues for me.

Because while being raped never invalidated or negated any of my cis white male privilege, neither did having cis white male privilege negate the possibility of me being raped - OR the fact that society ALSO preconditions people to be really fucking shitty about survivors.

(Hell, ANY kind of living victim....with this also being very relevant to abuse survivors, survivors of physical assault, etc. Much like people can be overflowing with empathy for unborn children who can't offer up any take to the contrary to whatever people want to say "in defense or support of unborn children," only to turn around and cease caring about most of those babies the second they're born, people tend to be just as overflowing with empathy for deceased victims of abuse, rape, assault and the like....who, y'know, also can't offer up any take to the contrary of whatever they say or claim about what they WOULD want, what they DO deserve, etc. Present those same people with a living child or a living victim who can and DOES have an opinion that doesn't match what those people feel it SHOULD be? Watch attitudes shift VERY quickly, as allllll that empathy hurriedly flushes down the drain as though it was never there).

But the point is, my cis white male privilege is always here regardless. But that doesn't mean rape culture isn't shitty enough that it can't find a way to circumvent even that in pursuit of discrediting/invalidating/ignoring survivors, just like that privilege can be circumvented in order to create the situation where a man is raped in the first place.

Its just....the gendered nature of rape culture means HOW those attempts to discredit/invalidate/ignore male survivors manifests.....doesn't look the same as when it leads to just outright disbelieving other survivors when they attempt to disclose.

And that is how I can be listened to and reblogged on most any other topic, no matter HOW I go about presenting myself in those posts or conversations - ironically in no small part BECAUSE of my cis white male privilege - while only getting crickets when I post on these topics, BECAUSE people only choose THOSE posts to make my presentation or level of intensity a dealbreaker, and thus their very reason for ignoring anything I have to say there. Not because they don't believe me, but because the WAY I say it is too aggressive, too biased, too emotional, too intense....its an attack on their autonomy, an attempt to override whatever they previously thought or believed about the subject and just force them to adhere to my take.

Because the thing about living in a sexist, patriarchal society is.....that IS a thing that cis white men often do, and a lot of society is structured to make it easier for us to achieve this in most instances, frankly. This just happens to be a rare exception, because for a lot of reasons that would make this post even longer - and that again, I've often posted about before - upholding and reinforcing rape culture on a society wide level supersedes the usual focus on accommodating INDIVIDUAL cis white men in having their opinions heard and circulated.

I'm trying to be as frank as possible here about the intersection of privilege and experiences of being a male survivor because I don't believe its to anyone's benefit to be disingenuous about it, and I do think that it doesn't actually supplant the fact that male survivors do have just as much right - and NEED - to be heard and listened to about our experiences with rape and perspective there, and have those ACKNOWLEDGED, as anyone else.

Its just....the existence of privilege and how that differentiates most experiences in a gendered society matters, and thus.....it needs to be part of the conversation rather than just treating all responses to rape and survivors as agendered, just because rape itself can and does happen to people of all genders.

There's actually a fair amount to get into when it comes to differences in a lot of mens' disclosures vs womens' in my experience, but just as an extension of what I'm talking about here, one of the specific elements in my experience is that men often don't have a problem being believed about having been raped or abused.....but one of the predominant responses is society is heavily preconditioned to view male rape and abuse survivors as almost inevitably feeling they need to exert a similar power over someone else in order to claim back their own feelings of pride and safety in their masculinity. Effectively.....most every male rape or abuse survivor I've ever talked with at length shares a similar experience of being believed when they disclose about being a survivor....but noting a clear and direct shift in how whomever they disclosed to interacts with them....with EVERY expression of anger or outrage - particularly in the matter of their rape or abuse - being viewed as evidence of us being ticking time bombs who are inevitably primed to explode and take out what happened to us on someone else.

There's being cautious around cis white men, for example, because we're cis white men, which I totally get and am not expressing an opinion on. I'm just saying even with that acknowledged, there is a SHIFT in how people interact with me after I've disclosed to them personally, in how they....scrutinize me, for lack of a better way of putting it, in very noticeable ways and areas. Like its consistent. And think about how its not totally true that media doesn't portray men as being capable of being raped or abused, typically. Think about how often you've seen procedurals where the backstory of the rapist or abuser of the week is specifically THAT they were a rape or abuse survivor themselves, usually in childhood. Its NOT that society doesn't believe or accept that men can be raped too. Its that society is primed to default to viewing the very act of men being raped as an indicator of the shift from them being a man to being a man who is likely to become a predator themselves.

Rape appears all the time in regards to male survivors in media. Its just it usually just appears in the context of men who arent presented AS survivors, but rather as predators or aggressors themselves, and their past victimization treated as a catalyst rather than a trauma. This is not to excuse any such character or depiction of course, its simply to emphasize that the very angle from which male survivorhood is approached in most contexts is different from that of other survivors. Just like the angle from which their survivorhood is approached is different from that of male survivors. And thus the issue most men have with disclosing in my experience is NOT that we're afraid we won't be believed....its that we're afraid once we disclose, we'll be viewed as inherently more dangerous because our victimization primes us to be that much more likely to inflict ourselves on others in some attempt to reclaim our masculinity.

And its categorically NOT about any group of survivors having it better or worse than others, which is why I LOATHE people saying variations of 'you wouldn't say that about this if it happened to a woman' because anyone attempting to pit male survivors against other survivors en masse is NOT doing so for my benefit or with my endorsement. The point is just that each way society and rape culture interacts with a different group of survivors presents different problems and issues that need addressing, and aren't interchangeable.

There is a REASON why the subject of Dick Grayson's anger - usually in the context of things that have happened to him - is so important to me, specifically in terms of ensuring that its treated as something he's allowed to have....rather than an indicator that he's going to messily explode his life in a way that impacts everyone around him negatively.

Now.....if you've never considered that aspect of rape vs rape culture and how it can differently affect and shape the experiences and recovery of cis male survivors versus trans male survivors and nonbinary survivors and survivors who identify as women.....I ask that you consider what else my perspective might be able to add to actually productive, meaningful conversations about rape, rape culture and survivorhood, that you never would have thought TO think about before, without male survivors bringing it up based on it having played a role in personal experiences.

And then I just ask that you please think about the implications of someone known for being a vocal presence in certain fandoms, with a fairly sizable number of posts widely circulating throughout them......never having posts about male rape and survivorhood circulated to any noticeable degree, despite writing DOZENS of them, in all kinds of different moods, ways and intensity levels.....and all of them while active in fandoms where male rape is regularly discussed or focused on due to certain characters or storylines......and ask yourselves if it maybe seems a little off for the disparity to be THAT large. Again: I have written DOZENS of posts on this topic. All with less than twenty notes. I'll be composing a masterlist of them in the near future as well, but for now I'm just saying. Please just think about that.

While I'm going to make an effort to be more deliberate in how I approach this topic in posts going forward, tonally and in terms of word choice, I do have a right to be just as passionate about it as any other topic, and it is FUCKED UP to think that my personal experiences here should be pointed to as the very REASON I should need to be LESS passionate than I am anywhere else, in order to be heard or listened to. Still. I am not actually trying to override anyone else's viewpoint, present myself as some kind of ultimate authority, or shut down other survivors in any way....I'm just trying to uphold the relevancy and importance of adding my own perspective to the conversation.

I don't want to be the only voice listened to here. But as long as my voice is relevant, and I don't see or hear a lot of other voices speaking from a similar standpoint, I would like to be a RESOURCE on topics of male survivorhood, rape and recovery, from that particular standpoint. And even if and when other male survivors might perchance add their own perspectives with experiences and takes contrary to mine....I welcome that! Because mine is not the only one, cis white male survivors are no more a monolith than anyone else, and none of that will in any way actually invalidate my own perspective or experiences or render them no longer relevant at all.

Being a resource on a topic that has always been everpresent in most fandoms I've gravitated to - which has often been a reason FOR me gravitating to those fandoms in specific.....that has always been my ONLY goal with these kinds of posts. NOT an authority.

So, having my posts - which for all my willingness to write them, has never been easy for me and probably never will - reframed in such a negative way, dismissed and even weaponized against me - has over the years demoralized me and made it harder to find the energy TO tackle these topics, as much as I'd like to. But I do feel that I've found a second wind when it comes to this and think I'm ready to wade back into being Overly Opinionated on these topics as well.

So that's the third of the three post series I'll be starting, "Kalen vs Topics of Rape, Rape Culture and Survivorhood As Perceived Through A Singular Personalized Cis White Male Lens, Presented By (and With) My Middle Finger At Any Attempts to Subvert Or Undermine My Thoughts On Them By Reframing Them As Me Trying To Gatekeep Male Survivorhood No Matter How Many Times I Use The Words IN MY EXPERIENCE or IN MY OPINION, Which I Do A Lot, Because This Has Been Happening For A Very Long Time, And I Am Tired, But Still Very Opinionated, And Still Very Here, So Bite Me I Guess."

.....I'm still workshopping that one's title. Its a process.

ANYWAY. At the moment, I'm aiming to make one post of each once a month, and if I do more than that great, but not trying to pressure myself to do any more than that at the moment in the interests of Realism. We'll play it by ear. If I have more free time or energy than expected, maybe I'll do more. Its not like I have a shortage of Very Opinionated Opinions, after all. You've met me.

BUT I DIGRESS.

So in the interest of not making this long ass post any fucking longer, not that anyone really expected otherwise from my first post back in months, like could I REALLY even claim to ACTUALLY be back if all I had to show for it was some weak little lackluster drabble that wasn't even 3,000 words? Methinks the fuck not -

Well, have an abrupt and anticlimactic finish that comes out of nowhere despite giving myself literally 4,900 words to build to something appropriately profound or meaningful or whatthefuckever. Y'know. Your standard Kalen Classic. The abrupt and anticlimactic wrap up I mean, not the profound and deeply meaningful one. Eh. You get it.

Did ya miss me? I missed you!

PS - I was Informed that we are almost to the end of Tommy T's Tenure, is it almost safe to come back to Nightwing comics? Does anyone know when his last issue is? Have we planned the party yet? Who's on balloons, we definitely need balloons.

[quokki]

Full giffing process - tutorial (*≧ω≦*)

Due to little demand, i will be going thru my complete process for making gifs. so this will cover all the basics i hope! keep in mind this is just the way I personally do things! please feel free to send me asks or dms if you have any doubts or questions!

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ DISCLAIMER: Everything I know about giffing, I've learned from other tutorials, including the VapourSynth Resources I'll be using in this tutorial so I'll leave links to those tutorials I've used here as well!

In Depth Giffing Tutorial (link here) How to use VapourSynth (link here) ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

(o´▽`o) I'm a windows user so idk if this works exactly the same on mac!

First things first, you will need:

☆ 4k video downloader (download it here!) ☆ Vapoursynth (32bit download / 64bit download) ☆ Photoshop (download it here! -64bit version only)

Okay! The first thing you need to do is make sure you're working with the highest quality material possible to ensure a decent looking gif!

I'd say the minimum quality needed for decent gifs is 1080px. But if you really want to gif that low quality 2 frame milisecond of your fave, i respect that

☆ lives / streams and tiktoks are typically not very high quality ☆ for stage performances such as music shows, ts/tp files are preferred but those can be really hard to get a hold of (this is a whole deeper level of giffing hell and more of an advanced class topic so nevermind this for now!) ☆ those occasional 4k facecams on youtube work fine tho! ☆ for mvs, variety shows etc, you can download the video with good quality from youtube using 4k video downloader

_(:3 」∠)_

Now let's talk about tumblr and it's pre-requisites for a good looking gif post :D

Tumblr can be sooooo annoying about gifs okay.... I find it's best to plan my whole set before I actually start doing anything but hey that's just me. Some things to keep in mind are: dimensions, file size, number of frames and post layout!

☆ Dimensions

You have 3 main options here and it's all about the width!

☆ 1 collumn: single gifs! these should be 540px wide ☆ 2 collumns: split that in half! 268px wide so there's a lil breathing space between the gifs! ☆ 3 collumns: 3's a party! 177px for each gif please

You can go crazy on the height but the width should mostly stick to one of those 3 unless you want tumblr to pull and squeeze your gif around like a piece of gum.

☆ File Size

This is really important because tumblr has a single image size limit of 10mb. Which means that every single gif you make has to be under that size or you won't be able to post it. The other thing about this is that the dimensions, number of frames and ammount of varying colors throughtout your gif will greatly impact on the final file size. Basically, the larger the dimensions and the more frames it has, the bigger the final file will be. Later on I will show you how to check your gif's final size before exporting it!

☆ Number of frames

This has more to do with the length of your gif, the longer it is, the bigger the final file will be. Typically gifs should be under 3 seconds long. So if you are making a set, try to break the moments you want to include in your set by increments of up to 2 - 3 seconds each, otherwise it might not fit all into one single gif. The number of frames is also extremely important when making combined gifs but that's for another tutorial.

☆ Post layout

If you want to make a cool looking gifset (where some gifs are larger in dimension than others, or when you want to have a single gif followed by a line of 2 gifs next to each other), then it might be worth it to plan out the layout before you start making the gifs. This way you ensure you won't have to remake gifs down the line because they don't fit together the way you wanted to.

☆ﾐ(o*･ω･)ﾉ

Timestamping

For this step, you will go through the video you want to gif from and you will just write down all the sections you want to use, down to the exact seconds. Example: 02:30 - 02:32.

(^◕ᴥ◕^)

VapourSynth (VS) - Clipping the video

I know VS can look pretty intimidating with it's bare coding and all but I promise it can be your friend. You just have to set it up correctly and pay close attention whenever you're using it. This software is a must for giffing, it will do all your cropping, resizing, sharpening and denoising for you, making sure your gifs look good. It is also indispensable when giffing ts/tp files because it deinterlaces those files so you can clip them.

First, let's set it up. This is the most annoying and difficult part of this tutorial so make sure you pay full attention to every single step!

☆ step 1) download a version of VS here (link).

☆ step 2) unzip the file on your desktop area.

☆ step 3) open the folder and find the file named "vapourscript (drop video file on me)" - make a shortcut of that file and move it to the desktop.

☆ step 4) find the folder named "gifs" - make a shortcut of that file and move it to the desktop.

☆ step 5) drag your video file you want to gif from and drop it on top of the "vapourscript (drop video file on me)" shortcut on your desktop.

☆ step 6) enter the timestamp input, in the first line it will be the starting of your timestamp, in hours format, then hit enter. in the second line enter how long your timestamps lasts, in seconds, also in hours format. then hit enter and let the code run.

☆ step 7) the resizer tab should now load on a web browser, then you will set the dimensions of your gif on the top left corner. you can also adjust the position of your gif within the video screen and zoom in if wanted.

☆ step 8) choose the preprocessor, denoise and sharpening options on the left and tick the boxes on. I usually just stick to the settings i'm using in my video down below.

☆ step 9) now in the VS box, go to file > load, choose the script saved in the gifs folder.

☆ step 10) copy the code from the resizer into the code in the vs screen, under the designated line.

☆ step 11) alter the code exactly like I did in my video down below. save it. this is now your default vs script for clipping your gifs. what you are doing by adding the hastag and the quotation marks is you're disabling those sections of the code. the reason you do that is in case you want to run the preview before exporting. this is because those lines involve some heavy graphic processing which can make the computer slow. I will talk about the script in more detail later on.

☆ step 12) i don't usually use this option but you can also preview your gif and set specific frames to start and end your gif. This is around the 4:30 mark in the video.

☆ step 13) time to export your clip! now you will temporarily remove the marks you added to disable the code and then go to script > encode video. in the popup box, you will select the option "export to MOV", then start so that you can use that video file in photoshop later.

☆ step 14) after you are done exporting, close the encoding box and then close vapoursynth, never agree to save the script when closing it, or that will override your default script.

☆ step 15) now you need to rename the encoded file for your gif. go to the gifs shortcut folder you created on your desktop, then go to output. this is the folder where VS will save all your encoded files. but everytime it saves the file with the same name so you need to come to this folder and change the name for every gif file you encode before you clip a new one, otherwise VS will just replace the previous clip with the new one you just finished.

Here's a detailed walk through of each step in this video tutorial:

IMPORTANT

After you are done processing your first clipped file, now you have your default script already built in VS, so whenever you run it to clip more videos, this script will already be in your VS screen. So now all you need to do whenever you want to clip more files (to make more gifs) is to adjust the dimensions, positioning and zoom of the video in the resizer screen and then change a few numbers in your script! then run encode to save the clipped file.

☆ To make new clips: go thru steps 5- 7, also do 8 if you want to mess with the denoise and sharpening filters again, but I don't really know much about how those work so I can't help you with this.

Now what you need to alter in the code, each time you are making a new gif: after you run VS and change the settings in the resizer to what you want, you need to change the zoom numbers and the video positioning in the code.

you need to replace the numbers in the VS script on the left so they match the numbers in the resizer on the right.

Do step 12 if you want to set specific frames to clip. Then steps 13 - 15 and you are done! You need to do all this every single time you want to make a new gif.

Now let me talk a bit more about some of the lines in this script:

☆ line 14: #video = core.std.Trim(video, a, b) this line is to set specific frames to trim your video section, your final encoded file will be only the frames inbetween the numbers you input here. a = first frame, b = last frame. you will need to run the preview option in VS in order to see every single frame of your clip and select your first and last frame. I usually do this in photoshop later instead so I don't bother with it on VS unless i'm making combined gifs, in which you need all the clips to have the exact same number of frames. the hashtag at the beginning of this line means that the script won't follow this command when executed. so if you want to include it, you need to remove the hashtag before encoding your file.

☆ line 18: #video = haf.QTGMC(video, Preset="Slower", TFF=True) this line is for the preprocessor option in VS, that tool is mainly only used when giffing ts/tp files because you need to deinterlace them before you can use them on photoshop. so you will only need to remove the hashtag and enable it when giffing those types of files. when im giffing those files, i usually always keep it with this setting:

I don't really understand much about this so I never mess with it. If you want to know more, I believe there's more info about it in the tutuorials I linked at the beginning of my post.

☆ line 22: video = descale.Debilinear(video, 786,442) this line is for the zoom of the video screen. you just need to match what you have in your VS script to what you end up with in your resizer.

☆ line 25: video = core.knlm.KNLMeansCL(video, 1, 2, 4, 2.5, channels="YUV") this line is for the denoising filters, in my case I always use KNLM and this is what it's line looks like. I know you can change those numbers to change the filtering settings but I never messed with it so I'd usually just have it like that.

☆ line 27: video = fun.FineSharp(video, sstr=2.5) this line is for the sharpening, in my case I always use FineSharp and this is what it's line looks like. I know you can change the number to change it's settings but I never messed with it so I'd usually just have it like that.

note: lines 25 and 27 (which have to do with denoise and sharpening) are the ones within quotation marks in your default script. I believe the quotations work in a similar way as the hashtag, in which the script only executes the lines when the quotations are removed. Which is what you do everytime you are about to encode your clip, otherwise they stay on. I think you should also remove them if you want to test how they affect your gif in the preview screen but i think these filters also require heavier graphic processing which my computer can't handle well so I never do that.

☆ line 30: video = core.std.CropRel(video, left=303, top=16, right=215, bottom=26) this line is for the positioning of your video screen within the gif dimensions. you just need to match what you have in your VS script to what you end up with in your resizer.

ʕ •̀ o •́ ʔ

Photoshop (PS) - let's make a gif!

Now that we have clipped and preprocessed our video file, it's ready to go to photoshop!

☆ step 1) after you have opened PS, go to File > Import > Video Frames to Layers. Then choose the clipped file you created through VS.

PS should open a box like this:

Keep those options ticked and hit OK

☆ step 2) now you need to go to Window > Timeline to bring up the timeline tool box. This window will always be necessary when making gifs. Let's take a look at it, I've marked down all the important buttons you will need:

timeline menu: there are several commands in here, you will need to use some of them later on.

convert to video / frame timeline

play controls to watch your gif

trash can to delete selected frames. (when deleting frames, first delete them here and then delete it's matching layers which are still there after deleting the frames)

frame delay time: this is where you set the time for how long that frame will be visible in your gif

☆ step 3) remember how I mentioned the preview option in VS and how i don't usually use it to trim the frames of my clip? That's because I usually do that at this step of the process, in PS. Notice how each frame is also a layer, and when a frame is selected, the matching layer has the eye symbol next to it turned on. So now you should play your gif and see if there are any frames you don't want to keep, then delete the frames and it's matching layers.

Since we applied sharpening filters back when we were clipping the video on VS, your clip should probably already look pretty decent even before the next steps, so steps 4 - 9 are optional. The coloring part of my video has been sped up.

☆ step 4) click on the timeline menu and select "Select all frames", then go to the select menu at the top of the PS screen and select "All layers". Now click on button 2 of the timeline at the bottom left, switching from the frame timeline to the video timeline.

☆ step 5) before you do anything else, make sure the blue holder is at the beginning of the track before you do anything else. Then go to Filter (at the top of PS) and select "Convert for smart filters". This will convert all the layers into one single layer.

☆ step 6) now make sure the layer is selected, then go to Filter > Sharpen > Smart Sharpen. A box will open with several options:

I usually keep the amount to around 30, I don't touch on radius and you can also mess with reduce noise if you think your gif is looking too sharp. Hit OK when you're done.

Since this is a filter applied to a smart object (the converted layer that contains all our layer - frames), this means you can turn this filter on or off as long as the layers are in the form of a smart object. You can also go back to it and alter it's settings (like I've done in my video down below)

☆ step 7) now while making sure the blue holder is still at the beginning of the track and the layer is selected, click on the timeline menu that i mentioned above. Then go to Convert Frames, then select Flatten frames into clips.

☆ step 8) again go to the timeline menu, Convert Frames, but now select Make Frames from Clips. Now click on the button at the bottom left of the timeline box, to convert the video timeline back into a frame animation. Then hit continue in the pop up box.

☆ step 9) now you are back to the frame timeline screen from before, but now the first frame is empty. You need to delete that first frame and then check the final frame because sometimes PS also creates another empty frame at the end at this point.

☆ step 10) PS also created a new layer under the layer 0, where the filter is still applied, you can delete this new layer as well. Now for organizational purposes, select all remaining layers (that contain your frames) and group them (you can see how in the video).

☆ step 11) This step is also optional, now I like to add the coloring to the gif. I have a separate tutorial exclusively on this topic. You can check it here:

☆ step 12) This is the time when I also add my signature. This is optional. You need to have the signature layer(s) on top of all the other layers. I usually have it in all black or all white, with lowered opacity of around 40%.

NOTE:

When adding elements (such as a signature) to a gif, it's important to always make sure you have the first frame selected, otherwise PS can move your newly added elements around the canvas on different and random frames. This also applies to anything in the layers pannel that has specific opacities. It's best to already add the elements with the final wanted opacity with the first frame selected.

Exporting + Delay time

☆ step 13) To export: go to File > Export > Save for web (Legacy). PS will open this box:

First I just use the exporting screen to test the delay time of my gif, and to check the gif's final size.

About the size: The final size is displayed at the bottom left. Remember it needs to be under 10mb. If it's above that, then you will have to go back and delete frames and test again until the size is within the limit.

About the delay time: To test the delay time, hit that play button and the gif will play at it's default delay time. If it's too fast or too slow, you will hit cancel and change the delay time (at the next step).

For actual exporting: The highlighted box at the top right of the screen is very relevant now. Make sure the first box has the GIF option selected. At the next box, you can select either perceptual, selective or adaptive. I usually like to use adaptive. At the next box you need to choose either diffusion or pattern. I like to use pattern. Tick the transparency box and then select either pattern or diffusion transparency dither.

Once you are satisfied with all aspects of your gif, hit save to export your final gif.

To fix the delay time: After you have exited the export box, go back to your timeline, click on the menu button at the top right and select "Select all frames". Then, on any random frame, click at the small arrow next to the numbers under the frame. Select the option "Other". That will open a pop up box to alter the delay time. To test it again, use the export box explained above. Once you are satisfied, save your gif! I've also altered the delay time in my video to show you the process.

☆ step 14) After your gif is done and saved, I'd suggest to save your psd file if you added any coloring to it. This is so you can reuse the coloring later in other gifs without having to redo it all. This is useful if mking a set of gifs from the same moment / video.

Here's a detailed walk through of each PS step in this video tutorial:

I hope this tutorial is helpful! Feel free to send me any asks if you have doubts or need extra help! (つ≧▽≦)つ

[conchoronzon]

Hello i have to ask you will you do some cock vore too? And i have to say i love your stories

Hey, thank you so much! ^.^

Cock vore is maybe my favorite so I can definitely write some more of it! I was working on finishing some of my Daddy's Sack Snack series just the other day, actually. Here's a little taste of some of the vore from Gods of Vore: Hades, a gay vore version of the Orpheus myth:

It never crossed Orpheus’s mind to worship Hades’s balls in the way that he would worship Eurydice’s. As such, he did not lick them. He did not suck them into his mouth. He did not moan and whimper and beg for them to release their contents over and inside him. He simply sat there with his lips and nose pressed against them, and he thanked them for all their hard work. He thanked them for their beauty.

Hades was the one to pull away. He lifted the musician’s head and smiled down upon him. Persephone swooned, so rare was it for her husband to smile at all. “They house your Eurydice,” he said.

Orpheus nodded. “I know not how, but so then I shall journey down your cock, O’ Hades, and find myself in your balls so that I might bring him out of your seed.”

Hades and Persephone shared a glance, both with furrowed brows and a tilt of the head. Persephone gave a slight shrug, and Hades raised a brow. He returned his gaze to the musician. This time, when he grinned, it was not sweet. Rather, it was devious. “Very well then,” he said. “You may plunge into my dick.”

Before Orpheus could say another word, Hades snapped his fingers. In an instant, Orpheus’s body shot upwards, rapidly shrinking in on itself until the distance between his feet and the floor looked to him to be the length of an entire city. He started to fall.

The air fell out of his lungs when Hades snatched Orpheus from the air. He was held firm in the god’s hand, and the chill of the god’s flesh settled into his own. He shivered and his heart slowed.

The hand opened, and Orpheus peered down at Hades’s soft yet hardening cock. The god pulled back his tanned foreskin and pinched the sides of his cockhead. The hole in the middle flared open. “Best of travels,” Hades said.

Orpheus, naked now as the god he was about to enter, did not wait for Hades to stuff him inside his member. Instead, he ran across the length of Hades’s open palm. When he got to the edge, Orpheus swan dived down. Perhaps by luck, by fate, or by some manipulation of Hades, Orpheus’s aim was perfect.

His hands plunged into the open piss slit first. Then came the rest of his body. At first, Orpheus fell into the darkness untouched. Quickly though, despite his small size, the walls of the god’s cock pressed against him. The smells of piss and cum mixed together. Mostly though came the smell of that same musk that emanated from Hades’s balls. Perhaps that was a special scent of the sea of souls that awaited Orpheus.

For a bit, even as the walls pressed into him, the force of Orpheus’s fall and the positioning of his body through his dive carried him far. Eventually, though, the tightness around him ceased his momentum, and Orpheus lay upside down and still in Hades’s hard cock. He wiggled and worked his way down. The struggles of his movements pressed his body into the soft walls. Small amounts of liquid leaked out with his movements.

Hades, of course, could have massaged the man down his cock to make things easier. Yet Hades had never experienced someone purposefully entering his cock before, and so he savored it and allowed Orpheus to work his own way through the tubes.

It took Orpheus an entire hour to make his way all the way down Hades’s divine cock. He was soaked then, covered in a mixture of liquids. He’d swallowed several mouthfuls on his way down to quench his thirst. Odd though to admit, the juices of Hades’s cock were a thousand times more delectable than anything the musician had even eaten during his time on Earth.

~~

The full story can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1429836

And all my cock vore shorts I've published can be found here: https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/95167

I'll do my best to make some short captions on here of it too :P

[imagines-for-the-fangirls-soul]

Timeless - Peter Parker

A/N: Hello! Long time no see. Trying to get back into writing and was struck with the idea of creating fics inspired by Taylor Swift's work; however, that is a ginormous task. But in this thought process I was inspired to write this story. So alas, I present my first Taylor inspired fic. Who knows if or when they'll be more, but I hope you enjoy!

TS Prompt #1: Timeless (Taylor's Version)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader Word Count: 2.4k Synopsis: Peter and the reader fall into different love stories as they enter an antique shop.

Fall hits New York the same every year. Starbucks releases their pumpkin spice menu, the general public complain that it's too soon, and a week later colds and sweaters are no longer so far fetched. Central Park, once so green and full of life, turns dead and brown. There are fewer people on the street, or maybe it just seems so because they now huddle into one big mass to fight off the wind from the Hudson.

September 3rd, and you are tugging on a sweater you hadn't expected to use for weeks.

With the coming of fall also comes a new semester of college. A new year of classes, friends you'll only know for those four months, and long commutes to campus.

You take a glance in the mirror and brush back a stray strand of hair. As you check yourself over one last time, your phone buzzes on the counter next to you.

Peter: Coffee in hand, 3 minutes away.

You rush out of the bathroom, knocking the curling iron onto the floor, and tug on your shoes. Living on the thirteenth floor, it would take you almost three minutes just to get down to the lobby.

Hauling your back-pack over your shoulder, you blow a kiss to your cat and lock the door behind you.

Peter is walking to the front door as you come out of the stairwell. He smiles at you, holding out your coffee order.

"Hey," you say, a little out of breath. You lean in for a quick kiss and fall into pace together. "Thank you."

"Anytime. I figured coffee might make the first day back easier. Is that a new sweater?"

"It is. And it did," you say, taking a greedy sip of your drink. "What's your schedule looking like?"

"Nothing until 10, but then back to back classes. You?"

"I have a break around noon, but start first thing this morning."

"Excited?"

"I am," you said, looking at him. He smiles softly and takes your hand in his. "I like the first day - yeah there's nerves, but it's also full of new beginnings and hope."

"Including a new route," he says as you turn two blocks earlier than usual.

"My first class is on the far side of campus, this is a shortcut. You know, if your classes don't start until 10, you don't have to be here."

"I know," he says, smiling again. "And I can't promise that I will meet you every day at 8 to walk you to your class, but I'm happy to do it this morning."

"Walking me to class on my first day like a parent?" you ask with a laugh.

"Yes, and make sure you don't get to running away before I get that first day of school picture. I want it for our Christmas cards."

You're laughing as a window display catches your eye.

Timeless, the display reads, in large print newspaper clippings. The individually cut letters would typically look a little serial killer-y, but the shop had arranged a tsunami of old photos around it, making it look like a moment ripped out of time.

As Peter stops next to you, you realize the common theme of the display. In each photo, whether it's from the early 2000s or the 1930s, there is a couple in love. A woman with long hair and bellbottoms looks lovingly up at a man with a long beard and mustache strumming a ukulele. Christmas morning 1994, a man grins lovingly at his partner as he opens his PlayStation. Wedding dresses with big 80s sleeves, tea length gowns of the 1950s, and dancers in colorful geometric prints, all gazed back at the couple looking eagerly into the window.

"Let's go in," you say, practically subconciously.

"Aren't you worried you'll be late on your first day?"

"Aww, who gives a damn about ice breaker games?" you ask as you push open the door to the antique shop, the bell ringing in welcome. An old man at the register nods at the two of you, then goes back to his books.

"Look at all of these," you say, taking in the endless displays around you. The Timeless theme follows you inside. Not only do old photos cover every inch of the shop, but so do letters close to crumbling, porcelain trinket boxes that hold vintage rings, and clothes from every era imaginable.

"I wonder how long it took to collect all of this."

"Many, many years." You both jump as the man from behind the counter is now next to you. He holds a cane in one hand and his glasses in the other. "I've been working on this collection my whole life."

"It's incredible," you say with a smile. "Is it all for sale?"

"Most of it. Some of the pieces are from my own life that I won't part with. Did you notice the wedding picture in the window, bottom left corner?" he asks. You glance back towards the window and the shop owner laughs. "Of course you didn't. You could stare at it all day and still find new things. I do each day.

"Anyways, that's mine. Taken 40 years ago when I married my wife, Marjorie, right here in Queens. Don't believe I'll be parting with that any time soon. Just completes the collection.

"Well, look around the shop and let me know if you have any questions."

"Thank you," you both call as he makes his way back to the register. You exchange an amazed look with Peter.

"This is definitely worth missing ice breaker questions," he says. You laugh and lean up to kiss his cheek.

"I can't miss everything, but I think a few minutes in here are worth the delay."

You stroll away from him - both of your attentions caught by separate corners of the store. Peter wanders over to the small record section, the wall covered in Elvis posters, women draped effortlessly from his arms.

You decide to take a look at more of the photos. There are boxes upon boxes that look as if they haven't been opened in fifty years. There is no chance that even a third of them could fit on the walls of the shop.

You pick a box at random - a red photo box with a few scrapes along the side. Even looking through just the photos in this box would take hours. Thumbing through them, one catches on your thumb.

You pull it out and find a scene so familiar but unique all its own. Like the famous photo you saw in nearly every history class, a soldier kisses a woman in the 1940s. The streets around them are crowded, with other couples out of view embracing just the same.

The scene before you is a celebration and as you look at it closer, hoping to take in each and every detail, slowly the man's features shift to Peter's. No longer does the man have black hair. No longer is the woman he kissing the woman you first saw, she now looks just like you.

The streets are crowded. With trembling hands holding a small stack of letters, you look through the crowd, craning your neck to catch just one glimpse of him. All around you, loved ones are reuniting. Mothers are kissing their sons' foreheads. Women weep as they fall into the arms of their love.

Just as panic starts to grow inside you that maybe he's not back, that your prayers have not been answered, you see him. His brown hair is shining in the sun, his hat in his hands. His eyes, so full of hope, scan the crowd.

You cannot help the swell of emotions that come over you as you rush towards him. You knock elbows, mutter apologizes to the crowd as you make your way towards him. A few steps away, Peter sees you, too.

His smile grows into the breathtaking grin you love and missed so dearly, and before you can even process that he's safe, that he's home, you are crashing into his arms and his hands are in your hair.

You are melting in his touch as he kisses you. The long years of the war, the years of worrying, years of fearing every knock at the door, years of just one page of his words every few months, all slip away as the two of you come together.

His lips feel the same, which is somehow odd. How could all the years and all the changes you had both been through left this the same? Left this passion, this connection the same?

"Oh, I've missed you," he says, pulling away for air. You grin at him and kiss him again. Once, twice, three times until you are wrapped up in each other's arms again.

"Find anything good?"

Peter's voice jolts you out of your thoughts. Your pulse fluttering as if you truly were the women getting kissed in the photo, you show Peter what gripped your attention. He smiles and takes it gently from your hand. He looks at the inscription on the back you hadn't noticed.

"James and Dottie, 1944."

"It looks so much like that one we saw in school, but look at all of the people around them."

"So much love," he says, almost to himself. Your eyes meet and for some reason a slight blush covers your cheeks as you smile. The intensity of his stare becomes too much and you make your way down another aisle of the shop.

The shelves around you are full of books, some titles you recognize, some you don't, and some are so worn you wouldn't be able to even if it was your favorite. Once again, one stands out to you more than the others.

Half hanging off the shelf, a deep purple book draws you in. You take it off the shelf in a small cloud of dust. The inside of the cover reveals it is a romance, although that doesn't come as a surprise. You read at a whisper, "In the 1500s off in a foreign land, I am forced to marry another man . . ."

The walls surrounding you are tall and cold, the stone masonry reflecting the feeling in your chest. The white gown that drapes along your frame feels as heavy as chains.

At the end of this death march, the doors open upon a crowd full of people, your people, all dressed for the occasion. And there, at the end of the aisle is your betrothed.

But that man is not Peter.

The figure walking you down the aisle tries to usher you along when you come to a stop. Anxious eyes all around look at your frozen form..

"I can't do this."

The shock of what you've said gives your escort pause and you slip your arm away from his. Discarding the bouquet of roses, you take off back up the hallway.

Shouts follow as you run, gathering the skirts of your gown up in your hands, but you don't stop. Guards at the entrance of the castle reach for you, but guided by your heart, you are too quick for them.

The sun is shining when you break out of the castle, but you keep going. You go until your heart is thundering, your breathing comes fast, and Peter's cottage is in sight.

Even after the turmoil you experienced, just the sight of his home soothes you. You take a few steps up to his door and he opens it just as you raise your hand to knock.

"What are you--"

"I couldn't go through with it. I don't love him," you say. Peter lets out a surprised laugh, shaking his head gently.

"We talked about this. They'll come looking for you, Y/N."

"Then we'll run," you say, taking his hand in yours. "I don't care if we spend the rest of our days running, I prefer that to a life of luxury with someone I don't love."

"You mean it?'

"Yes."

"Then I'll keep you safe. For every second that we are together, for every moment that you are mine, I'll make sure no harm comes to you. I can't promise you riches, but you'll be safe."

"I gladly leave that all behind for you," you say. Peter is smiling as he closes the gap between you, his hands cupping your face as you melt into his touch.

You close the book with a secret smile and slip it back onto the shelf.

You know that you should leave, you are at least ten minutes late to class, and a few minutes walk from campus. But the shop has captured your heart, the stories embedded inside have.

"Y/N," Peter calls. You make your way towards his voice and as you do you pass more relics of the past. A photo of a 30's bride, high school sweethearts sitting on the porch of their first home, a young couple on the way to a dance.

"Hey."

"Hey, we should probably get going don't you think? You don't want to miss more of your first day."

"They are important," you say absentmindedly. Maybe it was because you had just slipped into fake memories, or maybe it was the fact that it was the first day of the semester, but looking at Peter, his hair mussed in a way that can only come from styling, a soft smile on his face, you were transported to the first day you met.

In a crowded room a few short years ago, on another September morning, first day of school, you lay eyes on Peter for the first time. Your fellow classmates are introducing themselves, the room filled with a dull hum of discussion, but your eyes only lock with his.

He smiles at you and moves your way. He holds out his hand and tells you his name, and somehow, you just knww. There's not always proof, there's not always a war or an arranged marriage. Sometimes, you just know.

"Yeah we should go," you agree. Peter leads the way to the door and holds it open for you. "I love you," you say, softly, and for the first time.

"I love you."

The temperature had risen since you entered the shop, but nevertheless, as you fall back into step together, Peter's arm is around yours and you know that one day, you'll have photos of the life you'll make, just like the ones in the shop.

[kabira]

a much-needed update.

hiiii so i realize i've pretty much left everyone here hanging for the past year, almost? and mentioned reposting on ao3 about a billion times but haven't really followed up on it. i've toyed with multiple ideas, like reposting, rewriting, deleting this blog off the face of the earth to disappear forever (jk), etc but! i've done some soul-searching in the sweltering summer and finally come to a decision.

there isn't a lot keeping me in this community now, but writing - for fun - isn't something i want to stop doing, because it's really important to me even outside the context of a fandom. i've become pretty rusty lately, though, owing to the fact that my last stint with writing a full-length piece was over a year ago, and i haven't really had the time or brainpower to chase down those plot bunnies (though they remain persistent). however, there's nothing that makes me want to write more than going through my old fics and being horrified by my many mistakes <3 so <3 i will instead be slowly rewriting and reposting my old fics.

does this mean i'll delete the old versions? probably not, because i like to see my own growth. i'll leave them unlinked on the masterlist and floating around on my blog in case anyone wants to revisit them. can't say i'm going to fix every single fic, but i'll try to do most of them. might even combine a couple of them into a single continuity (looking at you, spider-vernon).

i know i'm the prime example of all talk and no anything else, but i swear i'm going to try my best this time. hell, i opened my original draft of bhobc last night and redid the whole last scene on a whim, so i'd say the process is already in swing. if i can't bring myself to commit to something completely new, i'm at least going to try and redo what i already have. until then, i have some new ideas brewing that i'll probably end up either posting on ao3 (here) or my genshin blog (here) because i don't think i can fully come back to writing for kpop anymore. there's a million reasons for this, but the one that stands out the most is the way this community has responded to the events of the past few months.

despite all the atrocities being committed in gaza, i haven't seen most people even deem to comment on the state of affairs or use their accounts to bring light to them (some have talked it about their mains and not their kpop sideblogs with a SIGNIFICANTLY larger following - i wonder why!). even if you say it's for the sake of keeping content apart, why does this divide exist to you, truly?

it's disgusting to see that even some of the people here i used to respect haven't mentioned it, instead choosing to talk about their favorite kpop boy or, i don't know, what sonic character they'd be. even if something happens within the fandom, the outrage seems to be only momentary, a couple untagged posts expressing disappointment here, a two-week break there, and then they're right back to writing egregious smut as if nothing ever happened. where's your anger? where's your fucking humanity?

anyway, tldr, i'll be rewriting a big chunk of my fics and reposting the older versions anyway. also, fuck you to everyone who's been silent about the ongoing genocide.