#i might make more in the future for fun but idk
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Some silly pink "coquette" edits for the hell of it
#sfw interaction only#thomas and friends#thomas the tank engine#ttte james#ttte emily#ttte gordon#ttte diesel#ttte oliver#my edits#i might make more in the future for fun but idk
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one thing about ik is that she will always reach out
#obey me#art#i had the idea for this and managed to bulldoze through drawing it all without losing motivation halfway through#but Do Not expect me to post art this frequently in future#idk how to do panels so if the middle bit with the text might be laid out weird#i added the stars and feathers and stuff because there was a bunch of empty space around the boxes#obey me satan#jtta ik#(btw the crumbling symbol next to the exploding feather is the wrath symbol from in-game)#(with the pride symbol attached upside down at the bottom)#(not so much symbolism as it is just me whacking you over the head with the point but it looks cool)#i had a lot of fun doing satan's more monstrous design so i might try my hand at some of the other demons later?#i do have some ideas for levi (deep sea creatures are just really fun)#also happy nightbringer release day!! it showed up on my homescreen like half an hour ago and i was like “wait what”#for some reason i thought it wasn't releasing til next week??#the new genshin patch is today as well so looks like i'll have plenty to do with the rest of my free time for the easter hols#(i promise i'm also working on the next chapter of jtta but i am so stuck on how to get lucifer actually Talking)#anyway. here's a gold star for making it through all my rambling in the tags for anyone who did so: ⭐
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Drawing the guys as girl dads ft. my konbart baby
#toasts art#toast doodles#kon el#bart allen#konbart#bartkon#Me and my partner were talking about konbart as parents and then we came up with Mel Jr#This is so self indulgent#mayhaps more art of her in the future??#idk!!#She's fun to draw so I might post doodles here and there#usually I don't make ship kids but she has wormed her way into my heart
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caps from comic Im doing
#not art yet. sorta#yeah that's one piece#outing myself this year as a sanji enjoyer#idk what compelled me to come back here (that's a lie I know 100% and it's haterism) but I did finally sit down and put down#this idea I've sat on for a Long time. bc I think I just. finally feel ready for it#or rather. both it and myself have been worn down and moulded enough by just. time passing. to be able to sit with each other in peace#but yeah I'm now neck deep in this (almost halfway thru inking!!) and Im learning a Lot#whatever u say abt one piece oda is a Phenomenal comic artist. one piece art-wise is dense on a level that makes me feel insane#like you barely see more than one type of screentone used and it's mostly to separate planes. its Just Ink. its fucked up#and drawing this comic is forcing me to show up on my a-game on a craft level as well. I love so much a Large part of it so far#comic is good guys. did u guys know that has anyone said this before#but yeah this one will! probably get posted to my main blog when the posting version is done. which is why I said in the prev ask#that the spheres might intersect soon lol#Im aware this is a stupid way to go about it if u look at it from a marketing/advertising angle. but thats not what Im here for#Im showing u cool bugs I made basically. and when the exhibit happens its gonna have mostly nothing to do with this#but yeah. if u see a comic with these caps in it in the future u will Know#otherwise we keep up kayfabe yeah? for fun. for comfort
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"a vehicle to portray part of the American dream" — MARINA
#art#andre talks#finally i can draw this bastard i just need to boot up my trusty old tablet#rdr 2#red dead redemption#red dead redemption 2#dutch van der linde#marina diamandis#electra heart#yes this is electra heart#dutch really suits the electra heart era#i might make more in the future#this is legit fun#rdr fanart#rdr2 fanart#DUTCH IS BORN TO BE ELECRTA HEART#LIKE HIS MOLE IS IN THE SAME POSITION AS ELECTRA HEARTS#DAMN DUDE LIKE KJFHG#rdr2 dutch#rdr dutch#idk what other tags i can do so this can be seen by everyone kjhfgk#these are drawn over the electra heart promo pics#you can see them all over the internet#rdr2
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Monster of the Week Mystery: Shadows in Unity
(I didn't see a better place to post the custom MOTW mystery that I ran, so onto Tumblr it goes.)
In the small town of Unity, Iowa, two teens mysteriously disappeared. More than one person in town has been messing with forces they didn't understand, and now the local corn maze is home to a being of great and terrible power, a Shadowling. This mystery works best in a campaign dealing with eldritch beings and cults.
Hook
The sudden and unexplained disappearance of two teenagers, in a town with hardly any crime to speak of. Their identities were kept out of the news, but it's the talk of the town that young lovers Aimee Schaffer and Ben Torello have either skipped town together, or had something horrible happen to them.
[My version of this mystery started with a scripted scene of the hunters overhearing a conversation about this between waitresses Maggie and Sharon at the Sideswipe Diner.]
Countdown
Day: The Shadowling possesses Ben's corpse to lure in new victims. It is spotted in town overnight.
Shadows: Farmer Neadbaum enters the corn maze in an attempt to perform a ritual and trap the monster. He is killed.
Sunset: Masha Torello stays up overnight to keep an eye out for her son. She spots him and follows him back to the cornfield, becoming another trapped victim of the Shadowling.
Dusk: Aimee is drained of all life and dies.
Nightfall: Sharon Maat and three of her friends, other teens from the local high school, plan to hang out in the cornfield at night to drink without getting caught. Sharon is killed and her friends are captured.
Midnight: The Shadowling's activity has garnered the attention of Nelson Neadbaum's former cult, the followers of The One Who Waits in Shadows. They catch the creature for their nefarious purposes.
Threats
Shadowling
Monster: Parasite (motive: possess, control, devour)
The Shadowling is a being from somewhere beyond this world, and it should not be on this plane of existence. It's form cannot be easily seen nor comprehended, more of a silhouette of shifting tentacle-like shapes. It is not an especially intelligent being, operating largely on instinct to attract more prey. It claims a space as it's own, a den of sorts, and that space becomes warped by it's very presence. In this case, that space is the corn maze, where it fled to after being summoned in Neadbaum's barn. The Shadowling is a timid creature, and uses it's den and the forms of other creatures to hide itself away from possible threats. Above all, the Shadowling's presence is a herald of a much greater evil.
Powers:
Intangible: Cannot be harmed by attacks that don't involve magic or one of its weaknesses.
Taste of Madness: Can alter a victim's senses to induce disorientation or panic.
Possession: Can inhabit the form of a human, a corpse, or another humanoid shape.
Attacks:
Life drain: 3-harm, ignore armor, hand
Armor: none
Harm capacity: 11
Weaknesses:
Fire and bright light can be used to force it to leave a host, to corral it, or to contain it.
A magical ritual can be used to banish it from this realm
Takes two days to research
Takes three people to cast
Must be cast in the presence of the monster
Takes 10 minutes to perform
Scarecrow (Possessed)
Minion: Assassin (motive: to kill the hunters)
A scarecrow made of burlap and denim, with a wide brim straw hat and no face. It hangs limp in front of the entrance to the corn maze. It moves with an unnerving swiftness and smoothness. It can be destroyed by fire.
Attacks:
Shears: 2-harm, hand, quiet
Strike: 0-harm, intimate
Harm Capacity: 5
Ben and Aimee (Possessed)
Minion: Renfield (motive: to push victims towards the monster)
The shadowling is using Ben and Aimee to lure more victims to its lair. Ben is clearly already dead, with two large puncture wounds in his torso that were inflicted by the shears. Aimee is filthy and covered in blood, but has no visible injuries. She is wearing a leather jacket that's a bit too big for her, presumably given to her by Ben before his death.
Attacks:
Unarmed strike: 0-harm, intimate
Harm Capacity:
Ben's corpse: 6
Aimee: 7, but has already taken 3 harm
Nelson Neadbaum
Minion: Guardian (motive: to bar a way or protect something)
Farmer Neadbaum is an older gentleman, perhaps in his 60s, and his hair and long mustace are beginning to grey. He is gruff with the hunters, but not openly hostile until he feels they are coming to close to his secrets. He wants to keep the hunters away from the Shadowling and out of his barn. He summoned the Shadowling in an attempt to communicate with The One Who Waits in Shadows, not expecting an unintelligent beast. It quickly escaped his containment measures, and he lost any control of the situation he may have had.
Neadbaum was once a member of the cult of The One Who Waits in Shadows, but was excommunicated from their ranks for having lofty ideas about using the god's power for himself, rather than serving it. He has been studying on his own ever since, and stewed in his solitude and self-righteousness, until meeting a sympathetic ear in Aimee, to who he tried to teach his ways.
Neadbaum's farm is the location of an annual corn maze, and this year, Aimee was volunteering to help run it as an after school activity.
Attacks:
Hunting knife: 1-harm, hand
Shotgun: 3-harm, close, messy
Harm Capacity: 7
Locations
Corn maze
Location: Den (motive: to harbour monsters)
The maze was poorly constructed/cut, making it difficult to tell what is meant to be a path and what is poorly spaced and/or trampled corn. If the hunters approach during the day, the light that falls over the corn wavers like a heat mirage. During the night, the shifting of the corn creates strange figures in their shadows.
Move: Navigate the Maze
If a hunter/the hunters would like to navigate the maze and the Shadowling is present within it, it uses its Taste of Madness to confuse and disorient the hunter(s).
Have a hunter roll +Weird. On a 10+, hold 2. On a 7-9, hold 1. Use a hold to mitigate one of the following effects.
Lose track of the exit
Lose track of your companion(s)
Discover nothing of consequence
On a 6-, the hunter who rolled is fully controlled/taken by the Shadowling.
Sideswipe Diner
Location: Crossroads (motive: to bring people and things together)
(The following is the start of a scripted scene written for the beginning of my own session, and may not be entirely applicable to yours. I've kept it here, in case it helps inspire you as to the tone of the mystery.]
"You are in a roadside diner. The outside looked a little run down, but when you entered you were pleasantly surprised to find the interior clean and lively. Your party of 5 [the number of hunters in our session] were seated easily together in a booth, with an extra chair on the end, of course. You're now enjoying the hot, greasy flavors of hometown America. It's a nice respite after miles and miles of nothing but Iowa cornfields. It's around 11 AM, and the sunlight through the windows is bright. It doesn't fool you, though. It's October, and you know that the wind chill bites."
Unity Police Station
Location: Fortress (motive: to deny entry)
The station is on the small side, but it's also the most modern building in town. You get the feeling they may be compensating for something.
Unity Library
Location: Hub (motive: to reveal information
An old schoolhouse that's been converted. It's got old, cracking paint, but the windows are clean. The interior is cramped and stuffed with books.
Schaffer Home
Location: Hub (motive: to reveal information)
The lawn is trimmed and green. The house is older, and is one of the only ones on the block with a second story. The interior is open concept, with plain white walls and modern knick-knacks. Aimee's room is on the second floor. It looks like a mundane girl's room at first, but hunters may investigate hiding spots or check her computer to find out about her interest in the occult or her connection to Neadbaum.
Torello Home
Location: Crossroads (motive: bring people/things together)
A trailer home on the other side of town from the Schaffer home. It is propped up on cinder blocks. There's a small dog tied up out front, and a garden.
Neadbaum Barn
Type: Hellgate (motive: to create evil)
From the outside, this is a classic red barn. The inside is similarly unassuming. Light shines in from the wooden slats in day time. The floor is matted with hay, and there's a cot up in the loft.
Neadbaum's animals do not choose to stay in the barn if they are not penned in, and if they are penned in, they are agitated and uncomfortable.
There is a book in an unrecognizable language hidden beneath the cot, and if the hay is cleared away, the summoning sigil for the Shadowling can be found.
Bystanders
Aimee Schaffer (student)
Bystander: Witness (motive: to reveal information)
Aimee is a high school student with light skin and straight brown hair. She is pretty, chubby, short, and normally well put together. Aimee felt stifled by her parents, their expectations, and their rigorous schedule for her. She began acting out in subtle ways, such as by reading up on the occult at the library and becoming involved with Ben.
Working with Neadbaum on the corn maze was a way to talk to someone in town who shared her interests while working on community building, something her parents would approve of. Aimee's occult research is generally benign, and she did not know just what horrors Neadbaum would get her involved in.
Aimee had left Ben a note that told him to meet her in the cornfield after she and Neadbaum concluded their ritual, unfortunately bringing him into the situation as well.
Aiden and Maria Schaffer (Aimee's parents)
Bystander: Busybodies (motive: to interfere in other people's plans)
The Schaffers are community leaders in Unity, who want the best for their daughter. They are very proud of Aimee for taking an interest in community events. They believe that Ben has done something to her, and are extremely distraught that she is missing. They do not acknowledge that Aimee was seeing Ben of her own free will. The Schaffers are suspicious of outsiders, unless they're authority figures.
Carla Torello (Ben's mother)
Bystander: Victim (motive: to put herself in danger)
Carla is a tall, thin woman, with a large straight nose and black hair. She wears a long brown coat.
Carla doesn't like Aimee, because her parents are elitist. She is certain that Ben is in some sort of trouble, but doesn't trust the authorities to help her. She'll do anything to find her son, and is relatively open to strange explanations. If she hears something ridiculous, though, she'll think she's being made fun of, and shut it down.
Maggie Watterson (Waitress)
Bystander: Gossip (motive: to pass on rumours)
Maggie is a pale woman in her 50s, with curly red hair pull back into a bun.
She is very worried about Ben and Aimee, who frequented Sideswipe Diner on their dates.
Sharon Maat (Waitress)
Bystander: Skeptic (motive: to deny supernatural explanations)
A high schooler with brown skin and black hair. She's tall, and looks consistently bored. She thinks that Ben and Aimee ran off together, and that everyone is making a big fuss over nothing. She goes to the same school and Ben and Aimee, knows that Aimee was helping organize the corn maze, and knows where both Ben and Aimee live, if the hunters ask.
Gordon Deep (County Sheriff)
Bystander: Official (motive: to be suspicious)
Sheriff Deep is a large man, both in gut and in build. He's in his 40s, and has a trim moustace and salt and pepper hair.
He's very no nonsense, and doesn't care for children. When things start to go terribly wrong, he becomes desperate to find a culprit.
Hank Devon (Deputy)
Bystander: Innocent (motive: to do the right thing)
Deputy Devon is a young man of average build. He's dark skinned and bald.
He's incredibly concerned about the disappearances, and very eager to find solutions. If he thinks the hunters have any sort of lead, he'll want to talk with them.
Mikki Watterson (librarian)
Bystander: Gossip (motive: to pass on rumors)
Mikki is a young person with short curly red hair and freckles. They are wearing a they/them pronoun pin. Waitress Maggie is their mother.
Mikki is involved in the community, and is very familiar with the Schaffer family and their library habits (especially Aimee, who comes by herself looking for occult books).
Layout
Here is a very simple drawn layout of Unity, which was filled in as our hunters discovered locations.
Additional Notes
In our session, the hunters immediately clocked the scarecrow as a threat, and destroyed it before it could be used. It's up to your discretion if you want to leave it vulnerable outside the cornfield as a freebie for your hunters, or if you'd like to hold that idea back as a surprise while they're exploring.
Our party included an initiate, which allowed this mystery to have some very fun cult politics. I highly recommend it.
If you end up using any of these ideas, I'd love to hear about it! MOTW is a great game, and I want to know about other people's experiences.
@freemotwresources @tabletopmonsteroftheweek
#motw#monster of the week#ttrpg#motw mystery#idk if any of this is like. good. but I had fun making a halloween game and trying to make it spooky for my friends#after our dnd campaign ends the plan is for me to gm more motw#so there might be more of these in the future#my projects#my writing#my rambles
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✰ random emoji combos !
looks best on ios :D
🍓 🦢 🕯️
🎧 🩰 🐰
🏛️ 🎞️ 🍨
🛁 🐋 🌨️
🦇 💼 🏹
🎬 🎳 🎱
🎧 🎸 ⭐️
pls like/rb if inspired lol ‹3
#emoji combos#emoji combinations#aesthetics#aesthetic emojis#symbols#symbol pack#emoji pack#locs#aesthetic locs#messy aesthetic#messy layouts#idk what to tag this as so we're making a new one i guess#🖨️╰・blue helps ⸝⸝ ꜝ#this was fun i might make more in the future :)
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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So I decided to restart my animal crossing new leaf for the 3ds file completely but I didn't know that Tom Nook would OFFER TO BUY the entire town and let you carry over the money to the new town and it's hysterical because the mayor basically peaces out, cashes in on 30 million bells, changes entire identity, and accidentally becomes the mayor in a new town. There's a fanfic there but I'm too lazy to write it.
#rose and rambles#HELLO????#i did not know that tom would offer to buy AND I DID NOT EXPECT MY TOWN TO BE WORTH 30 MILLION BELLS NOT INCLUDING MY CATALOGUE AND#THE INTEREST I'LL GET FROM GETTING THE BELLS IN INCREMENTS#MAKING THE FINAL TOTAL CLOSE TO 39 MILLION#WOWZER#okay also i did think long and hard about this#like i never have restarted that town#but it was overrun with flowers and i wasn't close to any of the villagers but wolf link#and i can get him again#i needed a blank slate#i do this with farming sims all the time#i restart so often because once i get into late game i have no gumption and animal crossing *is* different#but i really needed that fresh start and it felt better to restart new leaf than horizons#but the funny thing is#i now want to restart new horizons more than ever#i just haven't really touched it since 2020#i never did the pumpkin growing thing im so behind#and every time i think about going back to it i just feel dead#but restarting new leaf has been so fun and refreshing#and its only end of day two BUT i have so much bells to burn on projects#so i can get the foundations of things like bridges and stuff right away and continue through my house loans more organically#idk i feel good#and i might prefer restarting horizons in the future with knowledge of things and#with all the updates already figured out#feels good#also my starter villagers in this new town are#fauna peanut eloise sparro and rooney and im so heckin thrilled#best line up ive ever had in the beginning
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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here is the zine i made yesterday hehe im gonna put the whole thing under the cut because with the translations this post got a bit long
"my art is mediocre and thats ok!"
I'm a mediocre artist and I don't say this as if it were a bad thing.
My art isn't bad... But it isn't that good either.
This [sentiment] has been bothering me for a while but especially from a few months back, when I started posting my art on Instagram.
Sometimes I catch myself comparing myself to other artists my age
NEVER DO THIS
And I think:
'Why am I not as good as them?'
'How did they get this good?'
'???'
Despite knowing that art (and life in general) isn't a race, sometimes it's difficult to not feel like I'm falling behind.
"WAIT!!"
Am I happy with the art I make currently?
Not really...
But, at the end of the day, art is about expression and having fun and (despite the stress) I love every second of it.
Happy ending ?
#i love how this thing turned#like so so much#i might try making more zines in the future it was so fun#tbh i could write pages and pages about this feeling of mediocrity but unfortunately i only had 3 mini spreads lmao#but this topic would be more fitted for my diary i think#art#zine#art talk#which tag do i use here this isnt a drawing nor really a ramble so??#cams misc art#idk
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I don't talk about this stuff on here pretty much at all, but a past relationship really broke a ton of bits and pieces of my brain and heart in weird ways (I'm finally thinking about him almost never but the shit he pulled was abusive as hell and still affects me sometimes). Being in love with my current girlfriends for a while felt almost. Painful? Almost like I should be ashamed I can fall so deeply in love with people, and especially how quickly that can happen sometimes too. Thats how it kind of felt. I tend to get overwhelmed with emotions if I'm feeling them very strongly, and that has been extremely embarrassing and also felt almost like I was being a burden to those I love (which love is the main emotion that can 'get dialed up to 11' for me). It IS debilitating in some ways!!! It hasn't gotten bad enough I've been nonverbal in a really really long time but that happened this past week and it was wild to me.
Things are getting better now though! Therapy in the past has helped, and honestly having such patient and understanding partners has made a world of difference ;w;. my wife is someone who was one of my best friends and I had a huge crush on and now I can ask for cuddles and we can nap together and I've fallen so much in love. Her and her presence are literally heaven for me, I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than just laying next to her and feeling her warmth.
Worries of course flare up and I feel like I need to lean on her a lot during those moments, but I don't feel like too much of a burden to her. I love seeing the posts that say stuff like 'Its okay to be a burden' or 'its okay to be annoying' because really truly I think I need to be those things to survive sometimes. I can be 'a lot' and I can be a little bit obsessive and those things aren't inherently bad or evil of me. I just make sure I'm feeling okay during and after and make sure I'm checking in on myself often. I'm a bit of a broken girl, but that doesn't mean I'm not extremely happy and living a life I love. I've written poems and everything about how it feels like it must hurt to love me and my broken jagged edges, but hey, even if it does a little bit, it doesn't mean someone like my girlfriend/wife won't go through a little bit of burden to love me, and I'm more than happy to return all of this and more for her as well if she's ever in need or feels broken ;^;
#Not to be too gay but I wanna build my life with my princess more and more#She's. So good to me and she's so pretty and she's so beautiful and attentive and she listens to me in ways I feel no one else has#She understands me so well!! And I hopefully make her feel the same#But yeah I've been a burden a lot to people due to autism (which I didn't know I had for fucking ages) adhd and physical disabilites#And she feels like she isn't taking care of me which is good because I'd honestly hate that#But she understands me and makes me a better person and that's exactly what I've wanted for forever.#And being demi/aspec is awesome with her since she's aspec too and there's no pressure for sex or sexy times but if we both want it#It can still be super fun!! We gotta figure more of that stuff out if we want but knowing each others kinks (and sharing a good bit) rocks#Idk its so so so so easy to love my wife Maxie#She's so dear to me and we've only been dating for 4 months but they've been 4 months I've felt the most alive and seen#Its so easy to be cringe but free with her too idk#She makes me better and I hope I do the same for her. I don't want either of us to stagnate yknow?#But anyways yeah this is just a big journal entry of some kind I might do these every once and a while#Not to like. Brag??? I guess. Or show my mental illness so much. Its just kind of nice if friends know where I'm at in my life I guess#And idk having outside input on thoughts can be good. If any friends see this and go 'Hey Runa this is real weird maybe tone it down'#I can look at that stuff a bit more#Gonna tag this in a way I can find it and others in the future too#Runa diary logs#But yeah you're not hearing this from me but I wanna be with Maxine for the foreseeable future more than anything.#Gotta get my degree and a good job too and she's ofc not the only person in my life (I have Sara who is so very dear to me too ;w;)#Nor is she the only 'goal' I have either. I wanna make games I wanna make art. I wanna make something that other trans people#And queer people and just minorities in general can look at or play or experience and just go. Life is worth living#I love my life right now and I'm so glad I've made it to my late 20's.#Its only uphill from here :3#Wanna add on when I say she's not the only person in my life I mean that I have so many friends and people I love who love me too :3#♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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do you have any trans doc hcs? I love the posts you made so much 👀
YESSS!!
OK
So first thx sm! He is so silly and is also trans colors its so funny.
Anywho...
Tbh I don't have many but I will still try my best 😌
1. ok so what if he invented a silly type of way to make his voice deeper (bc in the cartoon ik he was like 5 but bro had such a high pitched voice)
2. GENDER-O-MATIC!!!! Ok sorry I'm making this about his inventions but it would be so funny if he just had a series of failed inventions in his closet (lol) that were built for him to pass more lol
3. His transition goals would 1000% be a character from a Jules Verne novel
4. Binder vest??? Anybody??
5. My guy saw Frankenstein and went "I could probably do that." And almost Frankenstein-style top surgery-s himself (he decided agaist it bc he realized that he in no way what soever qualified aka he chickened out)
This was fun and to be honest with you I made these all up on the spot and they turned out decent. IF YOU HAVE TRANS DOC HCS PLZ TELL ME!!!!!
#thx for the ask#this was fun#1931 Emmett my Beloved <3#i might make up more in the future (lol) idk :/#bttf#back to the future#doc brown#harassynth is a federal crime mr corleone#hes so silly
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aaa my local library has the dvds of the 1980 p&p series, But both have been borrowed! wondering if i should reserve them now or after i finish rewatching the 1995 one (i finally got up to it, and it's lovely, but my old laptop has a bit of a matte screen situation going on, so the colors don't look as saturated as the ough to be; it would look the best on my mother's computer or tv, but for that i'd have to add polish subtitles, and i downloaded them but alas! they don't work, probably because it's a dvd thing. SIGH)
#also i'm slowly nearing the end of emma and it might be my failing but i can't really see how emma and mr knightley could end up married#and in love. like. if their influence over each other was more visible through the book? but they're hanging out and they like each other#but while she's smart and not really your typical suffering husband's silly chatterbox of a wife... he does end up coming up more observant#than her. and the way he (rightfully) points out her mistakes to her... it just feels much more 'older relative' or 'a teacher' than#'future husband'! but again. might be v much my lack of observation skilsl#i remember i was reading hnzs like... 2011? so i was around 14 at that time And after reading a new chapter i said i was surprised#the characters had sex because it just seemed too sudden for their current relationship status#and an older mutual whom i kindasorta admired was like oh interesting! i didn't think it was sudden at all it felt very fitting!#and reader i was MORTIFIED#it only became apparent to me Years later that other people don't consider sex something that happens with people you know and trust well#and are sure they won't idk. make fun of your body or something. it turned out that people really do fuck complete strangers!#fascinating. hurtful but fascinating#etc.#shrimp thoughts
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Deciding whether to dress like your Pokémon or match outfits with your significant other is medieval torture I think
#from lucky#this is related to the doubles tournament thing#see people kinda expect me to show up in a wacky outfit to battle events now#most often based on one of the pokemon on that team (not particularly my ace as some 'how to be ex-champion lucky' articles would make you#believe)#((they're all incorrect anyway the correct method is PUT SOME BACK INTO IT))#and I was thinking of doing a Noivern themed outfit for this one#but the fact it's a doubles match is throwing me#because how are we supposed to be a functional team if our outfits aren't cohesive#he doesn't have a noivern. he's an ice type trainer#he does have an altaria tho... maybe I could do a sort of fun light/dark theme for our outfits?#FOr the record he is in fact much more concerned about our strategy than what we'll be wearing but he knows i really like doing this#it's a part of my brand#might do a poll idk#you know what just so I can keep track of all this#lucky's double battle tournament saga#<- tag for all future posts on this subject#he's so good to me
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