#i might have to watch the naked scene several more times. like 40 more times. what if i missed something important to the lore i mean

[riddlertrophy]

i’m gonna suck his dick till it turn purple (plum). also the episode was good

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Episode 6: All Souls and Sadists

My thoughts are heading your way.

SPOILERS AHEAD

0:40 - “No as a white man. We’re terrible.” hahaha I hate Martin on principle but that’s hilarious - and somewhat truthful. 

1:00 - Notice how Ainsley and Malcolm have similar facial expressions when talking to their father? They both do this thing where they sort of smile and look at the ground in a “Dad’s crazy” kind of way. It’s almost like they think their Dad is endearing in a very frustrating and dysfunctional kind of way? They also both shake their heads and close their eyes a lot when talking to Martin. Even the tones of voice that they use with Martin is similar. They start speaking to him calmly and softly but they end the conversation angry, frustrated and desperate. You can really tell that they’re siblings. 

2:32 - “It’s not the right one.” How did the car salesman know Malcolm was looking for a specific car? If I were the salesman I would’ve interpreted that as “It’s not the right car for me. What else can you show me?”...and then show Malcolm a used Honda Civic or something.

3:50 - Malcolm is completely losing it. He’s so desperate. You can see how much pain he’s in during this scene. Look how sad his eyes are. You can tell how close to the edge he is. Also - is this foreshadowing? Is this why Malcolm looks so broken in the 1x19 promo pics? Is he going to revert back to his mute, scared 11 year old self?

6:35 - Despite how broken Malcolm looks in Gabrielle’s office, he looks and acts remarkably put together in this scene. He’s calm, rational, and professional. He’s also subdued. 

6:43 - There’s a look that Dani gives Malcolm right here. She’s concerned about him. Rightfully so. His behaviour is wildly out of character. This is maybe the calmest, most serious he’s ever been at a crime scene. 

7:30 - Dang. This woman is OCD and very numb to her husband’s murder. Did she even care about her husband? I mean I know they were getting a divorce but I would be more upset than she is if my neighbour died - and I don’t even talk to him. 

8:20 - Right here. Malcolm just stopped profiling. He’s trapped inside his head. Overwhelmed with empathy for the little boy who just lost his father. Overwhelmed with the realization that this woman and his own mother feels the same way about their children. He and Ainsley are Jessica’s everything. 

8:30 - See this look in Malcolm’s eyes? That sadness and empathy? That’s a good man right there. That’s not a killer. 

9:00 - You know, right off the bat, this kid is off. No child who has been through trauma that recently is comfortable talking that openly and calmly about how they feel (or how their rabbits feel) because they haven’t had time to process how they feel yet. 

9:15 - You know. I feel like the fact that Martin appeared to be such a good dad to Malcolm during the first 10 years of his life really compounded Malcolm’s trauma. It ruined Malcolm’s ability to trust. It ruined Malcolm’s ability to look fondly at his early childhood memories. 

9:46 - Again. This kid is weird. “I think she’s not that sad.” What? What child talks like this less than 24 hours of the death of a parent? He’s calm and articulate in a way children in emotional pain rarely are. It’s strange.

10:35 - I love how Malcolm is interacting with this kid the same way that Gil interacted with him as a kid. Because Gil made Malcolm feel safe when his whole world fell apart and Malcolm wants Isaac to feel safe. It warms my cold, dead heart.

10:55 - Malcolm’s self-deprecating humour is really heartbreaking. 

11:28 - Tell me I’m not the only one whose heart breaks when Malcolm asks Ainsley if she’s okay. It’s something about the way his eyes widen. He looks so concerned for his little sister and I love it. 

11:45 - I love Ainsley BUT the severity of her ambition is a little concerning. However, I don’t blame her. Chances are the only time Jessica ever showed Ainsley any attention (between her alcoholism and worrying about Malcolm) was when Ainsley achieved something extraordinary. Makes me wonder what kind of a student Ainsley was like in school. What kind of extracurriculars did she do as a child? 

12:00 - Jessica’s behaviour in this scene is wildly inappropriate but also completely understandable. She’s so concerned with her children’s well-being. She always is. It’s why she meddles in their lives and tries to order around her adult children as if they’re 10 years old. Her personality in general is a little extreme, cold, and controlling. I’ll say it again - Jessica lost everything except her children when Martin was arrested. If Jess had some true friends who stuck by her then (or now) I bet she would’ve been less of a controlling force in her children’s lives. 

12:46 - Holy crap. Is Malcolm sleeping with that photo? He’s pulling it out everywhere. The car dealership. His psychologist’s office. His Mom’s house. I know he’s in a fragile mental state right now but that level of obsession with a photograph is not healthy. 

13:09 - Has anyone else been trying to figure out what time of year the Surgeon was arrested? So far the flashbacks look too warm to be between November - February (when there’s usually snow) but we’ve also had confirmation that Malcolm was in school. Therefore, it was during the school year. So it was either in September, October, or sometime between late March - early June? I’m thinking it’s probably closer to June because that’s when camping season generally starts? Anyone else have ideas?

14:20 - I’m genuinely surprised Jessica didn’t make Malcolm stay the night after that little outburst. He looks positively terrified. He’s clearly looking off into the distance because he’s hallucinating. You’d think she’d jump on that and keep him at her place for the night. 

15:08 - Martin might be the most dangerous criminal in Claremont because he’s so manipulative. Watch him try to manipulate Stanley. Martin is clearly doing it deliberately. Martin is so desperate for attention that he’ll do and say anything to be the center of attention. He always has an ulterior plan. Ugh....actually it kind of reminds me of a much more extreme version of Ainsley....which is slightly concerning.

17:00 - UGH. Gil why did you have to walk in now? Dani was just about to get Malcolm to talk about what’s bothering him. She was so concerned about Malcolm you could see it on her face. It was beautiful.

17:21 - I love that JT says what we’re all thinking. Where do you get a stat like that? 

18:25 - I wish we could’ve seen the scene where Malcolm has to convince Gil to let him get beat up for a potential sadist. That would’ve fuelled my heart for days....also Tom Payne looks super attractive in this gym outfit. 

20:15 - You know, I don’t think Malcolm is a masochist. I think he’s so depressed and in so much constant emotional pain that sometimes he forgets that his life is important. He forgets that he matters to people. He subjects himself to physical pain because it numbs out the emotional pain. He’s not a masochist - he just needs an escape.

20:49 - There’s Papa Gil. Look how annoyed he is. He totally wants to give Jake a piece of his mind for trying to hurt Malcolm. You can see it. Too bad he won’t because it was technically consensual.  

21:56 - Seriously? How fast is this woman and how quiet is she? Dani looked away for maybe 5 seconds and didn’t hear the woman book it toward her? Nah. I don’t buy it. 

23:00 - Dani is a badass. JT is a total big brother look at how concerned he was for Dani. I love it all. 

23:15 - Proud Gil is everything. <3 

23:45 - This little pep talk that Gil gives Malcolm is precious. Gil is Malcolm’s Dad in all the ways that matter. Look at how concerned Gil is about Malcolm. Gil knows. He knows that Malcolm is spiralling. *sigh* My heart is breaking.

24:10 - Again. Where did JT go? Sometimes JT just disappears in the middle of an episode with no explanation. 

25:15 - “It’s what you say to a kid.” Is it Gil? Because you’ve spent the past twenty years of your life trying to ensure that Malcolm is okay. Why do you think Malcolm is so cut up about Isaac’s current predicament? It’s because Malcolm is trying to be as good a man as you are and he thinks that he’s failing.

26:04 - Why is this dude always half-naked? Seriously. This whole episode he’s shirtless. 

26:21 - Do you think Ainsley dated much in high school? Given the way Jessica is currently treating her boyfriends I can’t imagine that it would’ve been easy for Ainsley to date. 

27:10 - THIS. I feel this. “Everything I know has been coloured by your resentment”. This is real. My Dad was abusive. He left (court-ordered, long story) when I was ten. Everything my brother and I know about our Dad and his past is coloured by our Mom’s resentment. Even though we know he was a bad guy, we still wish we could’ve met the guy that Mom fell in love with. We wish we could have happy stories about his past that aren’t coloured by his mistakes. Ainsley’s reaction here is totally justified. Sometimes you’ll do anything to find the one story that reassures you that your Dad wasn’t a total loser. 

27:36 - “Did you love us?” That one hurt. The real answer is no. He didn’t. He’s a psychopath. He’s incapable. And deep down Ainsley knows that but look at her eyes. You can see how desperately she wants to believe her that her Dad loves her. Ugh. Martin is scum. He’s such a good manipulator. I hate it so much.

32:50 - This whole scene with Malcolm barging into the interrogation room is amazing. I mean I have nothing to point out that isn’t blatantly obvious but holy moly this is a good scene. Makes you wonder if Gil was ever worried about Malcolm becoming like Martin.

37:00 - A wild JT has reappeared.

38:00 - This scene is perfect. The juxtaposition between Bright and Isaac is beautiful. The insight to Malcolm’s childhood is heartbreaking. The empathy on Malcolm’s face is heartwarming. The concern on Gil’s face. You can really see who Malcolm might have become without Gil. 

40:30 - This Gil and Malcolm conversation is perfect. “Not on my watch.” My heart is full.

42:00 - Does Malcolm have any sense of self-preservation? I know he’s desperate but hanging out at a junkyard in the middle of the night is a bad idea. 

Thanks for hanging out. Catch you again soon.

[glitterslag]

Strip Tease.

So this was on my mind for a few days and until I cracked and did blurbs for everyone! I’m super into Warren lately, and I haven’t done anything for Ben in a while so that’s what imma do

summary: Warren the master mixologist, sad, divorced Roger and Ben on a stag-do straight out of The Inbetweeners. And you, a stripper.

warnings: strip club, divorce, cheating, alcoholism, difficult sexual themes. References to sex and some light smut at the end.

word count: hella

A/N: This came out as more of a character study than anything else. Also, I’m seeing a lot of fuckboi ben HCs on my dash lately so I needed to remedy because i can’t handle the cold truth. So I wrote 2k words of lovely conscientious ben walking you home safe x

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Thanks for nearly 1k followers!! I’m celebrating by writing a ton of blurbs, headcanons and oneshots! Y’all are keeping me busy with the requests so far, but if you did want to suggest something, feel free! I hope I’ll get round to it

Warren.

The bar staff were nearly always female. 

Recruit a pretty young girl to work 8 hours on her feet for minimum wage, while dancers make hundreds a night more than her wearing only a little less - you can pretty much guarantee the rest. She’ll be dancing in no time. 

That was the idea, anyway. They would hire you to wait tables, but what they were really after was another stripper. A cash grab. In fact, that’s how most of them start. Turns out, customers aren’t really that bothered about the standard of the drinks they’re being served - not when they’re already drunk and distracted by everything else that’s… going on. 

It does, however, mean you’re left with a high turnover rate, and a distinct lack of male bodies on the staff. It could be useful, your manager muses, to have someone there other than the bouncers, standing at the back of the room, keeping an eye on the floor. Looking after the girls a bit. Making sure nothing untoward was going on. 

Plus, the boy’s a professional. He’s worked in bars before - high end ones - and he’s got a trick or two up his sleeve. It might be nice to bring a sense of class about the place, everyone agrees. Bring in a real mixologist. Maybe it would increase sales. 

Warren used to be an alcoholic until he started working in bars.

It might seem contradictory, but really it makes perfect sense. It was only being around other drunkards 40 hours a week that made him realise how much he didn’t want to be one anymore. 

Now he rarely drinks at all. Just mixes the cocktails. He’s really fucking good at it, too. Watching him skilfully tossing the bottles around - fingers so dexterous as he juggles with ingredients like it’s easy. It’s really sexy. 

He causes a bit of a fuss when he first starts. People wonder whether he isn’t a stripper himself, wandered into the wrong club by accident. He’s certainly got the physique for it. Or is he going to be a bouncer, with that fearsome set of wings and his hard, hard expression? 

 Rumours swirl about him leaving his last job because he broke up with one (or, depending on who you talk to, several) of the waitresses. He was sleeping with one of your coworkers by the end of the second week.   

That’s how it had started with you, too. A one night stand quickly escalated into twice, three, then four times. And then the next thing you knew it was A Thing. 

They tell you not to date someone from the club when you start. If you guys fight, you’ll be bringing that into work. If you guys break up… well. The next few shifts are going to be awkward for everyone involved.It’s hard to resist each other, though, and perhaps against both of your better judgements, you fall in love. 

Casual hookups with girls from the scene are Warren’s bread and butter, but getting into a relationship with one is a different thing all together. He’s crazy possessive, and the thought of being forced to watch you, having fun with other guys night in, night out - he had thought it would be torture. 

Actually, it’s not like that at all. It only reinforces that this is only a job, it’s only money. You don’t like kissing the men, or letting them grope you. Some girls do it, and you have done in the past, too, but you had decided not long into the relationship that it wasn’t worth the extra tips. 

Customers will often ask you if you have a boyfriend, and sometimes, if you’re feeling really cheeky, you’ll nod towards Warren behind the bar. It’s always a satisfying experience for both of you to watch a man’s eyes flicker to the back of the room, turn pale as chalk and take his hands off you quick-sharp. 

He’d be lying if he said it wasn’t hard not to get distracted by you during a shift. Yes, he’s one of the only men in the world who are unfazed by sex workers, spending six days a week surrounded by semi naked women. But he’s only a man, and watching you up there, working the pole in nothing but a thong and six inch heels, your eyes always fixed on him at the back of the room - let’s just say he’s thankful the bar is at waist height. 

An underrated perk of the relationship is working the same hours. You’ve never had that in a boyfriend before, and it’s so nice to be able to spend time with each other in the day. To leave for work and come home at the same time, sometimes even driving in together. Some couples would find it smothering, spending so much time together like that, but you two don’t much care for other people anyway. You only need each other. 

Underneath the dark and edgy exterior, Warren is a big softie. He’s a vegetarian who loves animals, and is the owner of one blue eyed husky named Shadow. When not at work he can be found in the gym, or curled up on the sofa with you, his pup, and something good to watch on netflix.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Roger.

The first night he comes in and you’re all over him like a rash.

 You’ve been doing this a couple of years now, and you’ve learnt to tell the different types of customer by sight. You dance near him to get a closer look - yep. Just what you suspected: 

Recently divorced. Lonely. Rich. 

How do you know?

No wedding ring, for a start. There’s a tan line there, though, on his fourth finger, indicating it was taken off recently. He hasn’t just shoved it in his back pocket to come here, though. He’s not unfaithful. Or at least, he isn’t being right now. He’s lonely. He’s been dumped.

There’s a five o’clock shadow on his neck that he doesn’t normally let grow. It doesn’t match the colour of his bleach blonde foils. He’s in his mid thirties, and his clothes look expensive. He orders a whiskey, neat. A sad man’s drink. 

You watch him dig for his wallet, a cigarette hanging from between his lips. He slaps it onto the table. Roger isn’t a particularly tall man, but if he sat on his wallet, maybe. 

You watch Katelyn swaying towards him, offering him a lap-dance which he politely declines. It could be that he’s just here to watch. That happens, sometimes, with divorcees. The younger, more excitable men are kids in a sweet shop, just wanting to touch everything they see. But men his age - men who should be home with their wives on Tuesday nights instead of nursing a whiskey in this seedy establishment, they sometimes won’t buy anything at all.

The other alternative is that he’s waiting for you. 

You decide to hedge your bets. 

You walk over to his table, praying no-one on the way catches your eye, and you manage to make it uninterrupted. You give him a sweeping look, pausing just a moment while he makes his decision, and sure enough he’s pulling out a twenty. He tucks it into your bra as you take a seat on his lap, and you get to work.

There’s a no contact rule here, but sometimes you let them touch you, especially if they look anything like him. You take hold of his hands and place them on your waist as you roll your hips against him in time to the song, dropping down in between his legs a moment before wiggling back up, hands gripping his thighs for support. You sink down onto his lap again and you hear him groan just a little, breath tickling your bare shoulder. You grind down onto him harder, gyrating around lazily until you feel him stuffing more bills into your knickers. 

You grab them discreetly, rolling them up and tucking them into your garter instead. It’s more secure in there. 

You decide to up the ante. 

You get up momentarily to shimmy in front of him, before spinning around and straddling his lap again, facing him this time. You loop your arms around his neck, swaying your hips against him as you look into his eyes. Making him feel like he’s the only man in the room. 

“Where’s your wife?” You lean forward and murmur into his ear in a smokey voice, playing with the fingers on his wedding hand. 

“Haven’t got one.” He says in a strained tone, groaning again as you slide over his hardening bulge. 

“Girlfriend?”

“No,” He forces out. 

“Poor baby.” 

You don’t break eye contact with him as you lift his hand up to your lips and suck his index finger into your mouth. He curses under his breath. The song finishes, and it’s probably a good job, because you wager he’s about to make a mess of his jeans.

He doesn’t pay for another one. But he does call you over again later that night and you just talk. He’s really nice, not to mention easy on the eyes, and for the first time in a while, you can honestly say you’re having a good time. You’re almost a little sad when it’s time for him to leave, and not just because the cash stops coming. 

“Come back, won’t you?” You whisper into his ear, lips trailing over the skin ever so slightly. He just laughs.

He does come back, though. A little over a week later. And again, a week after that. You learn his name is Roger, he’s got two kids, and he’s been divorced a month, though his relationship broke over a year ago. He never tells you what it is he does that makes him so rich. 

Most of the time, you just sit on his lap and talk. He’ll hand you pound notes every once in a while, or stuff them into your garter belt - large, warm hands running tantalisingly up your thigh. 

He wants to know if you let the other men touch you like he does. 

“Only you, Rog.” You whisper, and he almost seems taken in by it, just for a second, and then he laughs. 

“Christ I’m an old fool.” He says, shaking his head with a sad chuckle. “I bet that’s what you say to them all.” 

–

As the weeks pass, he becomes a regular face. He always politely declines the other women’s advances, preferring to wait until you’re available to come and sit on his lap, stealing a drag of his cigarette before looping your arms around his neck and gazing into his eyes to listen to him talk. Tell you about his day. 

You always look forward to the nights he comes in, but you’re not sure when exactly it had stopped being about the money for you. Probably about the time you’d started letting him kiss you. You’d never let a customer do that before. 

You start giving him private dances. They’re timed sessions off in a side room, where a bouncer will stand outside the door and knock at intervals to tell you how much time you have remaining. So not exactly private. But it’s still you and him, alone. Getting heated.

“We could have this in real life, you know.” You whisper to him one night, head flung back and voice breathy as he sucks at one of your nipples. 

Roger laughs. He’s always doing that.

“And what would you want with an old creep like me, hm?” He murmurs, lips trailing up the valley between your breasts to land at your throat. 

“I’m serious, Rog.” 

The bouncer knocks on the door. 

“Five minutes remaining.”

You sigh. 

You feel Roger slipping more notes into your thong and for once, you halt stop his hand. 

“Don’t.” You reproach, and he blinks up at you in surprise. “I hate it when you do that.”

“Do what?” He asks in disbelief. “Pay you for doing your job?” 

“Remind me that this can’t be real.” 

Your voice is small.

“Remind me that you don’t seem to want me. Not outside of here, anyway.”

To Roger’s utter dismay, you’re welling up. He can’t believe his eyes. He’d never once considered that any of this could be real for you, never dared to believe that you might want him the way he wants you. Longs for you. That you cared about anything more than taking his money. 

His voice is soft and contrite when he reaches up to cup your cheek in his hand, thumbing away at your tears.

“Darling, I- I had no idea-” 

The bouncer knocks again and you both breathe out a shaky laugh, foreheads coming to rest together.

When he asks Roger if he wants to extend the time, needless to say there’s only one answer he can give. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Ben.

Ben’s designated driver for a stag-do.

You decide it’s a stag do, and not a “taking our friend, who just got dumped, out on the piss” do, even if it is a rather sad one.

It’s the first weekend back after New Year, and you’ve been expecting the turnout to be dismally poor, and to be fair, it is. Other than the fat old man on his own in the corner who’s here most nights, they’re almost the only ones here. It’s 2 o’clock in the morning, and you’re not sure if originally there had been more of them, but by the time they walk in, the party has dwindled down to about five.

Girls are getting sent home left and right because the place is so dead, and you’re gutted to be one of the few left on the floor. In fact you’d nearly taken the night off, knowing nobody ever has money to spend in January, never mind throw around on strippers.

You sigh and wait for them to hand over their phones and get their drinks from the bar. 

Ben looks uncomfortable. He’s never been to a strip club before, it’s written all over his face. Probably doesn’t agree with the principle. Just begrudgingly here to do lifts, and make sure nobody chokes on their own vomit, or anything.

He’s attractive, too. You’re quite tempted to make a bee-line for him, watch his fair cheeks flush red under the fluoro lights as you make him an offer he can’t refuse. Given the choice between a group of lairy stags and their visibly uncomfortable, decidedly more attractive sober driver, you’d rather have the latter. Honestly, you can get a really good conversation out of the sober ones sometimes, especially when it’s quiet. Plus, you love the nervous ones.

But you’re also painfully aware of how slow it’s been, so you sigh and mark out the pathetic one and go and sell a lap dance to him instead, taking his money while you watch your co-worker smirk and shimmy over to Ben out of the corner of your eye. And you don’t know why, but it gives you a very small but very there sense of satisfaction when you see that he’s not into it.

Some girls will let any handsome face become a distraction, and it’s exactly what you’ve been told not to do but he’s gorgeous; so very out of his depth, politely clapping and nodding his head along with the music while he nervously sips his diet coke. And it’s not like he’s the only sober driver ever to walk in, neither is he the first person who’s been uncomfortable. But it’s so obviously his first time and there’s just something so reassuring about that. Working there can make you lose a little faith in humanity if you aren’t careful. 

It’s not as if all customers are rude, but the reality is a lot of them are. You get asked out multiple times a shift, see married men every day who insist that they love their wives one minute and are taking off their wedding rings and begging you for a private dance the next. It’s refreshing to see someone like Ben in here every once in a while.  

Your manager says you can go home at some point before the close up, so you go through the back to get changed and wait for your lift. It’s always a bit warm in there after you’ve put your sweater and leggings back on, so you go and wait in the bus shelter outside. It’s a well-lit street, and when you’re back in your trackies you feel relatively safe to wait there.

After a while, your brother hasn’t come to get you (yes, your family know what you do and no, they haven’t disowned you) so you ring him. He doesn’t answer.

You see Ben and co drive past and you smile to yourself, wondering if they’d even recognise you now, with your makeup off and your clothes on. He sees you standing there, sheltering from the drizzle in the plastic bus stop, and he reverses the car back past you and rolls the window down.  

“You got a lift, love?” He enquires politely.

You can hear his drunken mates heckling from inside the car.

“Yes, thanks.”

 “Want me to call you a taxi?” He presses. 

 “No thanks.” You say. “They should be along soon.”

He looks at you hard. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes.”

Just then, one of them has to get out of the car to be sick all over the pavement and you recoil, taking it as your chance to escape. You walk 50 or so metres down the road until you’re out of earshot of the retching, but you can still hear the rest of them hooting and hollering and slapping him on the back, egging him on.

Just then, one of them has to get out of the car to be sick all over the pavement and you recoil, taking it as your chance to escape. You walk 50 or so metres down the road until you’re out of earshot of the retching, but you can still hear the rest of them hooting and hollering and slapping him on the back, egging him on.

Ben isn’t pushy, though.

“Look,” he says. ”I’m going to drop these idiots off and then I’ll loop back afterwards just to check you’ve been picked up, ok?”

“Look you really don’t have to-”

“It’s for my own peace of mind,” he cuts in. “And if you’re still here, then I'm.more than happy to see you into a taxi.”  

You want to protest again, but his friends are shouting “Give it up, Ben”, mocking him. His neck is turning red and you’ve been annoyed with them all night and so you say yes. Ok. You thank him and then he drives off into the night, the car full of drunks cheering and yelling as they recede.

You don’t like getting in taxis at this hour, or getting on the tube. It’s late and it’s London, plus you don’t want a lift driver seeing you near to the club and figuring out what you do and thinking they can just…

Anyway. 

Your brother still isn’t answering. He works late shifts as a hospital porter, and this sometimes happens. You sometimes get a lift with one of the other girls, but with there being hardly anyone in tonight, you’re rather stuck. You go back inside and try to scrounge a lift. It’s annoying, the couple who are still on shift live far out of your way or get public transport. Your manager says he’s happy to give you a lift, but only after he cashes up and closes up. It could take ages, but you’re content to wait inside while you wait for your brother to answer. You stand by the window, interested to see if Ben really will come back.

And he does.

You wander outside to speak to him, more out of boredom than anything else.

“Want me to wait with you until your boyfriend arrives?” He asks, and you’re a little touched at how considerate he’s being, so you tell him ok.

You don’t bother to correct him about the boyfriend – perhaps if he thinks you’re taken it’ll make you safer.  You’ve got this deep feeling that he isn’t dangerous, but it would be insanity to get into a car with him nevertheless – he’s a complete stranger. Still, you’re bored and you want to chat to the nice man, because it might be the first charming, intelligent conversation you’ve had all week. Was that so bad?

So you make him switch the engine off and take the keys out and put the keys where you can see them, and then you get in the car but keep the car doors firmly open so you can escape if he tries anything. He’s a little bemused, but he understands your justifiable caution.

You chat and he’s really kind, and doesn’t ask you the normal dumb stripper questions (“aren’t your family ashamed of you?” “Are you doing this to fund a crack habit?” “How do you not get turned on on the job?”). He’s genuinely interested in you. Like, outside of work you. And yes, naturally he is a little curious about the job, but it’s quite cute watching him struggle to phrase the questions in a way that isn’t rude, and you do your best to answer truthfully. He seems satisfied with the answers, if a little thoughtful.

After about 20 minutes you get a call from your brother, apologising that he has to stay later at work. He tells you he’s happy to put you into a taxi. You roll your eyes and tell him no thanks.

“Ok,” Ben says as you get off the phone. “What’s the plan? How do we get you home safe?”

You think about it for a little while and then ask him if he’d mind accompanying you home. You could take the tube halfway and then it was a 20 minute walk to yours. You feel rude asking for all that but he just says sure, of course, no problem. I’ll just come back for my car later.

The more you’re with him the safer you feel. He carries your heavy bag all the way home and he doesn’t flirt. And you really, really appreciate that. And even though you wouldn’t even mind if he did - in fact, you kind of really wish he would - he doesn’t.

“Aren’t you tired?”  You wonder when you’re getting near the house. “No.”

You get home and you both stand awkwardly on the doorstep, and when it becomes clear he’s not going to invite himself inside you give him a kiss on the cheek and thank him and shut the door. You stand with your back up against it for a while, heart pounding, until you just bite the bullet and fling it open again, charging back out. You run after him and grab his wrist and he spins around in shock, shoulders softening when he sees it’s just you.

“Are you ok-” He starts at the same time as you ask him whether he wants to come inside. He tries to hide the fact that he can’t quite believe his luck.

You take him in and sit him down and ask if he wants a drink. 

“I could do with a shot, if I’m honest.” He says, a little shakily.

You search the cupboards and pour him out some tequila, and a beer from the fridge as well. You watch how quickly he slams the liquor, and realise he’s nervous.

You explain that you need to have your tea.

“Do you want anything?”

“No, thanks.”

You reheat some rice and come and perch on the arm of the sofa with your feet on him as you chat. The TV is on in the background, and because it’s three in the morning, American sport is on. He seems to get quite into it, so you excuse yourself to get ready for bed and leave him there.

You have a shower and brush your teeth, the hot water a tonic for your sore muscles as you scrub the sweat and grime of the club off your skin. You pass the kitchen on the way back to your room, and peep in. Ben’s texting frantically, and you have to stifle a giggle, imagining what he’s telling his friends. You wonder whether they’ll even believe him. 

You materialise in the kitchen doorway a minute later, hanging around the edge of the door with a little smirk on your face. 

Wet hair and pink Primark pajamas. it’s a stark contrast to the way you looked in your heels.

Ben turns the off the TV. He sits back to look at you. It’s silent.

“Why didn’t you give me a lapdance?” He asks suddenly. “Before?”

Barefoot, you pad across the wooden kitchen floor until you’re standing between his legs. He’s leaning back against the sofa to look up at you, half finished bottle of beer still in one hand.

“Do you want one now?” You whisper. Your voice is hoarse. 

He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. 

“Just kiss me.” He whispers.

Not two hours ago he was looking at you nearly naked, watching you twirl and gyrate on strange men for money. You don’t know why it’s now that you’re suddenly nervous.

You plop down gently in his lap. His hand grabs for your waist automatically. Your eyes flutter closed, and you lean in minisculely until his lips are grazing yours. 

You grab the beer bottle out of his hand and set it down on the floor without breaking the kiss, and then, grabbing the material of his shirt in your fists, you push him backwards onto the sofa until he’s horizontal. 

– 

“Ben.” You manage as he pushes into you for the first time, your voice coming out as no more than a breathy moan. 

You’ve migrated from the sofa to your bedroom, and he’s got you lying on your tummy underneath him, one foot hooked around the back of his calf, encouraging him to go deeper. Harder.

Perhaps the best thing about sleeping with men who know you’re a stripper is how hard they always try to please you. It’s as if they think your job is synonymous with getting tons of action, that they’re competing with the orgies they imagine you attend every night and honestly, you’re not complaining. 

Ben’s already made you come twice at this point - once with his mouth, once with his fingers, and by the time he enters you there’s little you can do but moan and whimper into the pillow. 

“I don’t have a condom.” He’d warned as you took his hand and led him towards your bedroom, switching all the lights off on the way, the house getting darker and darker each time. 

“That’s alright.” You’d said as you’d laced your fingers through his, turning to face him on the threshold of your bedroom doorway. “I’ve got plenty.”

He’d laughed. 

Now, after he’s nudged your legs apart with his knees in order to slam into you deeper, you’re approaching your third orgasm of the night. He’s getting close too, hips starting to stutter against you as his breaths grow heavy and ragged. 

His arms pack in at some point, shaking on either side of you as he seems not to be able to hold himself above you any longer. His elbows tremble and collapse under him, and he lays out on top of you instead, doing his best not to squash you into the mattress. 

“Sorry.” 

He murmurs a breathy giggle into your ear. You shivered. 

“Are you close?” You reply, no more than a whisper in the dark. You turn your head to rest in the crook of your elbow so you can look at him. You find his face close to yours. 

“Y-Yeah.” He says with some effort. He sounds it. 

The feeling of his body weight on top of you, being covered by him - your high is coming now whether you want it too or not. 

“M’gonna..” You trail off at the same time as he says, “Me too-” and you feel the throb of him inside you. 

Ben lets out a long groan, resting his sweaty forehead against the back of your neck as he comes, and you reach around to to cradle the back of his head. 

You don’t even make a sound as you hit your peak - you’re already cried out. Only able to silently clench your teeth and your fists and your toes as you convulse around him. 

“Stay.” You tell him, after.

“What?”

“Stay.” 

It’s four in the morning, and you’ve suddenly remembered his car is still parked outside of the club. And plus, you’re not quite ready to let go of him yet. 

“Okay.” He says quietly, tentatively reaching out to stroke your bare arm in the dark. 

—

You woke late the following morning, and since neither of you had work the next day, (obviously), you decided to go to the gym together as a date. You had  asked Ben if he wanted to go to a restaurant, but he can’t right now because he’s in heavy training for a shoot next week.

Skip to a few months later and you two are happily dating, and his favourite game to play is to come in to the club on random nights and surprise you, blending in with the other customers while he patiently waits until you’re free for a lap dance. It’s amazing, but by the time the song ends he’s got you aching to finish up and come home.

He still picks you up from work (another great perk of having a boyfriend without a 9-5), and by now he’s a familiar face among the rest of the staff. Needless to say they’re all in love with him. Sometimes, he’ll come down a bit early and come in for a drink while he waits for you to get finished up. It’s not uncommon to come out of the changing rooms to find him sat on the bar stool, but you can rest assured he’s never watching the naked girls – he’s usually chatting football with the bar tender.

[ominousflare]

It’s Been A While

So I haven’t been using tumblr for a long time (or used it that much to begin with), but since I’ve found myself some fellow Spider-Man fans here converse with, I feel I might as well become more active, or whatever.

Anyway, I might post my future Superior Spider-Man review here in the future once I get my lazy ass to finish it. I know, I know, it’s a five year old story. I’m incredibly late. Anyway, it’s also an incredibly long review, so I don’t know whether if I should post it here or just the link of it.

For now, I guess I’ll just post a past review of mine. Here’s a review of

ASM #698-700: Dying Wish

Well, it's finally happened. Peter Parker is dead. The bad guy wins. Happy 50th anniversary, Spider-fans! Hope you enjoyed watching your favorite hero kick the bucket on his special day! 

I'll be honest with you. I've been preparing for the worst. I was really uncomfortable with the idea of this arc just from reading about its details, that Doc Ock was going to swap brains with Spidey and assume his mantle. It sounded very gimmicky and contrived. Ever since "One More Day" happened, the Amazing Spider-Man comic seemed less like a character study of Peter Parker, with each story becoming a product the writers pitched as the next big thing to draw the readers of tomorrow and keep the book afloat for the next 10-20 years. Even Straczynski's run spent more time exploring the kind of person Peter was as a husband, adding new layers and depths to the hero, instead of turning each book into the blockbuster of the month. That being said... it's a good story. Not a great one, but certainly not the horrible nightmare some of us had hyperbolically generalized in a fit of panic. Somewhat disappointing, but not worth writing death threats about. And honestly, after reading an insightful article written by Cody Wilson of the ever-reliable Spiderfan.org, I realized that we were partially to blame for this "new direction" anyway. It's partly on us, the death of Spider-Man. We can gripe and complain about the writers, editors and Marvel's entire company all day long, but when it comes down to it, we have to face the facts: Spider-Man is a product, and business was booming in spite of all the supposedly "terrible" creative decisions they've made. And like any product, we the customers are a key source of how the business will be run. Over the years prior to ASM #700, Marvel had been selling us different ideas by introducing story elements that would later be used again in "Dying Wish," and our feedback to those elements in earlier stories was what ultimately led to the "Superior Spider-Man," the book that would replace "The Amazing Spider-Man" title for better or worse - at least for a year and 33 issues. Through this review, I hope to address these "elements" and analyze which of them worked for me and which merely raised my anxiety levels.

ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO BETTER

This wasn't the first time a supervillain stole Peter Parker's identity. Back in ASM #602, Chameleon seemingly "killed" Peter in an acid pool and subsequently went about the rest of the day being him; even interacting with Peter's acquaintances and friends. Having the eccentric behavior of improving the lives of whomever he had disguised as, Chameleon did a few selfish things, including punching Mary-Jane's stalker (with the butt of a gun), calling Flash Thompson "Puny Flash" the way he called Peter years ago, and moving Harry's homeless butt into Peter's home. These "improvements" Chameleon made in Peter's life were well-received by readers, myself included, thereby providing Marvel the first piece of the puzzle they needed. I have to admit, Peter calling the ex-bully "Puny Flash" was a guilty pleasure on its own, giving payback to the football star after so long. On the other hand, he's a crippled war hero, so it was still a scummy thing to say. And while it could be fun to see someone carry out these naughty deeds in Peter's favor - doing and saying things some of us wish Peter would just have the guts to do - it could also lead to some really creepy scenes. Let's not forget, these were bad people taking over Peter's life, Octavius the sociopathic egomaniac included. In ASM #602, Chameleon made out with Peter's roommate, who wasn't aware who she was really kissing under that mask; this lack of consent was tantamount to an act of rape.

And then in #700, Otto (in Peter's body) was clearly thinking of having sex with MJ, a woman who would be unaware of the real person she's really sleeping with. This would eventually lead to some even more sleazy storyline in the "Superior Spider-Man," which I'll touch on in the future. Playing devil's advocate for a bit, one could argue that crippling a woman and stripping her naked to show how evil a villain is was in poor taste too, yet Killing Joke was held by millions as some gold standard of storytelling. What Dan Slott wrote seemed trivial by comparison.

KILL HIM TWICE, SHAME ON YOU

There's a reason why "Death of Spider-Man" worked in the Ultimate universe: Peter Parker died being known to his world as a hero, giving us a fitting finality. In the 616 universe, on the other hand? He died leaving a villain perving on his ex-girlfriend! What kind of finality was that?! What a way to shit all over our favorite hero! Of all the feedback Marvel took into consideration, this had to be the dumbest. It's like simple math to them: "People loved Ultimate Death of Spider-Man, therefore they must be okay with killing off 616 Peter Parker and replacing him with a murdering sociopath on his 50th birthday." Unfortunately, the best storytelling is anything but simple math. And unlike USM, the moments right before Peter's death here felt rushed. Ultimate Spider-Man had the benefit of "Ultimate Fallout", a mini series dedicated to addressing how everyone reacted to the death of such a great hero. Amazing Spider-Man didn't have that advantage and had to slap together several "closures" to end the book, including MJ finally confessing to Otto-Peter her love for him, Jonah Jameson finally approving of Spidey as a legit hero, and Peter experiencing a dream sequence where everyone he cared about who died came back to greet and thank him - all within a single issue. These "closures" should have been, in my opinion, focused on in an entirely separate issue of their own, not crammed together with the already crowded plot of #700. It ended up reading like a last minute homework assignment written hastily to beat the deadline.

There's also another thing that bothered me about Peter's final moments. Using the last remnant of his energy in Octavius' dying body, Peter was somehow able to channel the memories in his own body and forced Otto to experience all the guilt and pain he ever felt being Spider-Man. Afterwards, he almost seemed content to pass on the mantle to Doc Ock. Why was he so content with letting this potential killer take over his role as Spidey, and why would his dying wish be for Otto to take care of MJ and his loved ones? He's a selfish and self-centered jerk who only ever cared about himself! Why would he trust him?! No matter how sympathetic Otto came across, and no matter how desperate Peter was, it just didn't make sense. I wish there would have been at least a last desperate struggle on Peter's part to resist letting this psycho do whatever he wanted with his powers, not quietly accept his takeover. In fact, it would have made more sense if Peter had gone to the Avengers or the Fantastic Four instead, where he could have made it his last request to have them stop Doc Ock. Not to mention, they would have bought this "mind-swap" story a lot more than Carlie - who shot him multiple times when he tried to tell her the truth - did.

DRACO IN LEATHER PANTS

The third feedback Marvel collected was the sympathetic side of Octavius. There were a number of stories detailing this, depicting him as a frail young boy in the past who had aspired to be scientist (just like Peter Parker). And there's grounds for such sympathy too, for Otto never received the proper grooming Peter had, thereby being an ideal mirror of Spidey (much like the Joker and Batman). This ambiguous side of Octavius' morality was well-received, along with, of course, Spider-Man 2, where he was made into an even more sympathetic antagonist than his comic counterpart. Yet, the decision to place a murderer behind the mask of the webbed hero for a long period of time is strange and definitely inappropriate. Octavius is tied to at least three deaths, two of which were intentional: Bradley Miles in "Peter Parker: Spider-Man" Vol. 2 #40, James Warden in "Spider-Man/Doctor Octopus: Negative Exposure" #4, and the accidental death of George Stacy in ASM #90. Would that be appropriate for the kids reading this? Spidey's been a huge recognizable icon all over the world, and now kids are going to follow in the footsteps of this scum who thinks it's okay to break the other criminals' jaws or just straight up kill them (the latter of which we'll see in "Superior" later on)? With the recent "racial/sexual diversity" movement a more political Marvel was trying to gun for, I'm surprised they would risk such an idea in our SJW climate, not to mention the aforementioned sexual aggression towards MJ.

Again, there is potential for a good story here... if it's a tale of redemption, which would only work if Octavius turns himself in. Unfortunately, a move like that could possibly end the Spider-Man books for good (unless Peter returns), which is the exact opposite of why Marvel shook things up with this brain-swap in the first place (to keep the sales of Spider-Man books from dying). And even if the books continue with Otto being some kind of anti-hero vigilante hunted by the law, there's no way Spider-Man fans (and probably many parents) could approve of a murderer remaining as the new face of the inspiring hero for long. I think Marvel knew that. Marvel's not stupid. And we knew that Marvel's not stupid, so I'm sure lots of people have speculated Peter Parker's return long before he did. What I don't know is why Marvel even bothered to hide it. It's kinda an obvious eventuality. But when all is said and done, I admit that the idea of a Spider-Man who's not so morally clean does intrigue me, somewhat. Over the years, Spidey cutting loose and unleashing all the strength and powers in him can be cathartic. While it was his integrity that made him an amazing character we could look up to, there was also an underlying pleasure in seeing him punish those who deserve it; in seeing him get a little dirty to get things done. So to have "SpOck" (god that's an awful nickname) stay for a while before Peter eventually come back? I'm actually okay with that. I wouldn't mind seeing a "dark and gritty" chapter for Spider-Man. However, a key reason I would like this approach lies in a factor that applies to me: I haven't read the other darker Spider-Man spin-offs, which brings us to our final feedback and problem.

DARKNESS WITHOUT LIGHT BREEDS APATHY

There were two other Spider-Man spin-offs around the time this story arc was released. "Scarlet Spider" (Vol. 2) and Venom (Vol. 2), both of which received very favorable reviews (Venom, in particular), and were darker takes on the Spider-Man theme of power and responsibility (Scarlet Spider, in particular, since he's literally a clone of Peter Parker). If I want a darker story, I would read either of those. The only reason I didn't was because I only have enough time for Spidey alone. No time for the myriad amount of spin-offs out there. And now a third dark Spider-story is introduced, filled with murders and bloodshed - and believe me, there will be blood. I've mentioned before that I love dark stories. I live for them. They can touch on our basest emotions and provide us a form of catharsis the lighter and warmer tales couldn't. But this is another case of businessmen blindly relying on the numbers without considering the context. Too much darkness can ultimately lead to indifference in your audience, not to mention the fact that the "lighter" stories have their place in storytelling too, offering something dark stories couldn't either: hope, and moral inspiration.

Batman is an amazing character. His stories (often through his rogues' gallery) delve into a complex analysis of the human mind; of our darkest and most frightening emotions and personalities. But not everyone likes reading Batman, and even Batman fans probably don't want every superhero to be like Batman either! That would just dilute his unique quality. Besides, would you want all your heroes to be brooding or morally complex? Did you enjoy the dark and morose Superman in Batman v. Superman or even Man of Steel? Sometimes, we just want heroes to be heroes! Not straight up kill criminals without offering redemption like The Punisher and Wolverine! We already have those in the Marvel universe! Sigh. I'm merely playing devil's advocate here. As I've mentioned, 'Spotto Octavius' wasn't going to stay for the long-term, so it's fine. A temporary period of dark Spider-Man stories is fine. For me. But I do have to put my foot down and lay out what a darker Spider-Man means for the world, and why both writers and business executors alike must be careful not to push the scale too far. Balance. There must always be balance in all things. Take it from Thanos. 

WAS THIS STORY ANY GOOD?

I talked a lot about the aspects that came to piece together this Frankenstein monster. But was the story entertaining in its own right? The short answer is yes, especially #698. That first part of the story was truly like Doc Ock said, a magic trick. It began with an ordinary day in the life of Spidey. Nothing seemed unusual. But by the end of it, I was left slack-jawed and so utterly impressed by Slott that I had to read the ending twice to see if I had misread something. The second and third issues went a step further. Essentially, the entire story arc could be summed up with "Peter trying to get back into his own body." But after we knew Peter was running out of time, the pacing of the story started to pick up really, really quickly. The readers would be as concerned as Peter, and at that time, nobody knew what was really going to happen because there was an announcement around that time that "The Amazing Spider-Man" book would come to an end. It's a real page-turning thriller in spite of its simple premise. Most gut-wrenching of all, they made Peter plead for his life. On his birthday.

Talk about a punch to the gut. Brings back tearful memories ("I don't want to go, Mr. Octavius"). Humberto Ramos' art really didn't help things. His depiction of Peter trapped in a dying body was a horrifying sight to endure for me. You could see all the horrid details; his skin decaying, his eye-socket popping out, and blood spilling out everywhere. I could only imagine how painful Peter's final moments were. No wonder many fans were outraged. This wasn't an honorable death in the arms of his loved ones like Ultimate Spider-Man; it was pure torture. Does Dan Slott actually hate Peter Parker? Still, I have to give credit where it's due. It's an emotional story (albeit for the wrong reasons at times), and it's a really ballsy one too where the bad guy actually won. And it wasn't just any bad guy either - it was one of Spidey's biggest bads of all. Since Norman Osborn had already became an Avenger villain, it made sense for the next biggest Spider-Man villain in line, Doc Ock, to be the one who would finally do him in. Now onto the other question: do I like the overall story? No. I don't hate it as much as certain stories in the past (marriage and The Devil come to mind), but on principle, I can't accept this story. I know why they made this story. It's almost the same thing as One More Day. I'm guessing the sales for ASM must have been dropping. And even if it wasn't, even if I'm completely wrong about the comparisons to OMD, I still don't like how shoddily his death was treated. I don't mind a Spider-Man death - I LOVED "Death of Ultimate Spider-Man." It respected and really reminded us why Spidey was the hero we loved. This story felt like just another rushed effort by Dan Slott to clean up the book and move onto the thing he seemingly loved more, Spotto Octavius "The Superior Spider-Man," a book that he's written far better than his entire run in ASM. Are we sure Dan is a Spider-Man fan? Or did he just like Otto?

To clarify, I don't begrudge Dan. It's more of the corporate decisions of Marvel executives that I'm so infuriated about. It's always the executives at one point or another whenever we are talking about a creatively-skewed story. And while his work might have been sloppy throughout most of his run, I was reminded recently that it might be due to Marvel pushing him with agendas and deadlines, so again, not his fault. What's done is done. And I've already began reading "Superior", even as I'm writing this. It's not bad, and it's everything I expected: an extremist Spidey willing to cross the line to get things done. I like it, just not how we got there. I mean, give me a break, Peter was my hero. Is it too much that I wanted a death that wasn't as insulting? At the least, I wish that "dream sequence" I mentioned was more than just a dream, and everyone Peter cared about actually came to pat him on the back for doing a good job, that it was time for him to rest. The fact that it was only a dream felt like the final slap to his face. "Good job, hero. Now get the f*** out of here."

Final Rating: Two webs out of five

I was going to give this story three webs initially. I really did. But looking back now at how Peter's death was treated, I feel more infuriated than satisfied, and also annoyed that it was just another corporate decision that never stuck, since he would come back later anyway. It cheapened the already cheapened idea of the comic book death. Now, even one of the most iconic heroes of all time suffered from the tired cliche of meaningless death.

Next time, I shall finally witness the birth of this supposedly "Superior Spider-Man" and see if Otto could truly surpass our lovable Pete as the hero we deserve:

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey, could you maybe repost your list of virgin-sherlock fics? and which ones would you recommend especially. thank you.:)

Hi Nonny! I’m actually currently going through my recs because I knew that this would come up one day! Here’s what I have on it so far; I’ll star my personal faves that you MUST read!

Gigantic by BubbleGumLizard (E, 2,135 w. || PWP, Size Kink) – John seems to avoid Sherlock seeing him naked. Sherlock wants to fix that. This is porn. Part 19 of Mystrade NaNoWriMo 2015 

What He’s Like by magikspell (E, 2,919 w. || Love Confessions, Fluff, First Time, Inexperienced Sherlock) – Realistic first time. They love each other so much. [FAVE!]

Affirmation by jamlockk (E, 3,096 w. || First Time, Dev. Rel., PWP, Love Declarations, Emotional Sherlock, Comforting John, Gross Fluff) – “Sunlight dappled John’s skin, casting a glow across his spreadeagled form as he dozed among the rumpled sheets. Sherlock knew the expression on his face was hopelessly soft but for once did not care about showing his true feelings so openly. He simply stood there, in the doorway, gazing at the impossibly beautiful man currently snuffling softly in his slumber.“ Part 8 of All the ways we love

Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice (E, 3,897 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Anal/Oral, Seduction, John in Charge, Pining Sherlock, John’s Penis, Bottomlock) – Sherlock is putting together an elaborate plan of seducing John. John grows tired of waiting and takes matters into his own hands.

One Day Like This by nondeducible (E, 4,872 w. || First Time, Bed-Sharing, Romance, Fluff, Virgin Sherlock) – When Sherlock emerged from the bathroom, the sight before him nearly took his breath away. The only light in the room was the small lamp on the bedside table. John’s skin shone like gold, his hair like the purest silver. He was on his side, facing the empty part of the bed, his outstretched hands ready to embrace whoever climbed in next to him. Sherlock could imagine, just for a second, that this was their shared bed and he was coming back to settle into John’s arms.

A Study in Intimacy by doodle (T, 5,183 w.|| First Time, Romance, Virginity, First Kiss) – People don’t touch Sherlock Holmes, not like they touch other people. Then he meets John Watson.

Strings by EstherShapiro (E, 5,267 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Massage, Friends to Lovers, Fingering, Anal, PWP) – Sherlock wakes his doctor up. Was this weird? John was sitting on his bed, late at night, rubbing his hands over another man’s body? That was supposed to be weird, right? Then again, this wasn’t just some man, it was Sherlock. They were so used to each other that John didn’t even think to question it. It wasn’t weird.

Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6,090 w. || First Time, Clueless Sherlock, Texting) – Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to recieve pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.

The Effect of Memory by testosterone_tea (E, 6,430 || Praise Kink, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Smut, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Confused Sherlock) – John has temporary amnesia coming off of anaesthesia after an operation and not only does he not recognize Sherlock, he starts flirting with him! After John recovers, he doesn’t remember the incident at all. But Sherlock does. Confusion ensues.

Inside by magikspell (E, 6,757 w. || Loss of Virginity, Anal / Rimming, Fluff, Humour, Awkwardness, Shy Sherlock, Bottomlock) – "Being inside someone. Feeling someone inside you.”

The space between by Salambo06 (E, 6,830 w. || PWP, Friends to Lovers, Masturbation, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Miscommunications, Bottom Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Sexual Fantasy) – “It’s for a case,” Sherlock says as soon as John looks down at his computer. John remains silent for a long moment, eyes moving from the screen to Sherlock, before saying, “You don’t have to explain.” His voice is low, too low, and Sherlock looks at the computer, putting the video on pause. “Lestrade asked me-, no, forced me to find out who’s threatening a famous porn star, and the suspect is among his co-stars, so I only need to watch out for any signs from his partners, anything that might show they’re the one sending those threats and I can move to something else.” “Right.”

Drive by lifeonmars (M, 9,537 w. || Virginity, Awkward First Times, Minor Injuries) – John and Sherlock are stranded by the roadside, and John is injured. They need to spend the night in the back of a humvee. Sherlock is confused. John is understanding. [FAVE!]

Paparazzi by SilentAuror (E, 10,543 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Post S3) – John moves back into 221B Baker Street after his marriage falls apart and the paparazzi won’t leave him and Sherlock alone about the status of their supposed relationship. Sherlock, of course, never denies it, until one day he does…

The Thin Line by Odamaki (M, 10,809 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Confessions, First Times, Anal) – John swallows. Keeps his eyes on Sherlock. Begs him not to ruin him.Sherlock leans forward over the witness box ever-so slightly, “I was distracted,” he informs the court, “by my partner, John Watson.”

Praise Me by testosterone_tea (E, 11,813 w. || Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Dev. Rel., Virgin Sherlock, First Kiss / TimeBJ’s, Anal, Praise Kink) – In which Sherlock has an interesting physical reaction to compliments and John discovers it.

Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Missing Christmas Spirit by  SilentAuror (M, 15,002 w. || Christmas, Domesticity, Post S3, Happy Ending) – John hates Christmas. So does Sherlock, but he suggests that they do Christmas "properly” this year to see if they can’t track down its elusive magic and discover for themselves what Christmas is supposed to be about. [FAVE!!!]

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (E, 15,590 w. || Victorian AU, Virgin / Demi Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mild H/C) – Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there. [FAVE!]

For you, there’s only me by shock_blanket (E, 19,557 w. || Jealous Idiots, Virgin Sherlock, UST/RST, Pining, Miscommunication, First Kiss / Time, Insecure Sherlock, Masturbation) – Sherlock realizes he has fallen in love with John, but believes he is unlovable. Cue lots of pining and jealousy on Sherlock’s part, followed by our favorite cuddly marksman making it all better. Because for Sherlock, there’s only John. [FAVE!]

At the Heart of it All by SilentAuror (E, 19,812 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Post S3, POV John, Domestics, First Time, Kissing, Romance) – John has been back at Baker Street for four months now and thinks it’s about time they had the Talk to see whether or not they could be more than friends. Sherlock has a lot of uncertainty about this concept for multiple reasons. Unabashed romance.

Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?) [FAVE, MUST READ!]

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen. [FAVE!]

Bedtime Stories by Liketheriver (M, 34,388 w. || Emotional H/C, Romance, Angst & Humour, Bed Sharing, John First Person, TRF, John Whump) – John’s POV during Season 2 and beyond when Sherlock takes up semi-permanent residence in his bed. A collection of codas and missing scenes wrapped up into one long fic and topped with a bow that takes the story beyond Reichenbach and into happy territory once more. Part 1 of Bedtime Universe

The Wrong Wagon by DancingGrimm (E, 35,663 w. || Alternating POV, MollyxJohn [Molly pines for John], Public Sex, Casual Sex, Obliviousness, BAMF!John, Awkwardness, Angst & Humour, First Time, Virgin Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock) – Molly sees John in a new light and realises that she may have hitched her horse to the wrong wagon…or something like that. John pines for Sherlock and worries what he will think if he ever finds out. And Sherlock doesn’t know what Molly’s up to…but he knows he doesn’t like it.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him. [FAVE FAVE FAVE! MUST READ!!]

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary’s betrayal and Sherlock’s deceptions.

The Quiet Man by ivyblossom (E, 157,369 w. || Post-TRF, John First POV, Grief/Mourning, Angst, Present Tense, Imaginary Sherlock) – “Do you just carry on talking when I’m away?”

[disneydreamlights]

I don't feel like picking questions so just use a randomizer or something to get like ten-fifteenish questions per ship, kthx. Ticole, Skyuuya, Cafe OT3, NiNick, Mirai/Fallon, Chrobin, VanAqua

Thank my birthday weekend, this shouldn’t have taken that long.

Ticole:

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

Even though Tip isn’t too big, Nicole’s so tiny she really wouldn’t be able to be anything else but the little spoon, not that she complains about it.

5. Who usually has nightmares?

While they both probably have them, Tip experiences them with alarming frequency I can easily imagine, especially post SE. Nicole very often is spending time up late consoling him.

9. Who makes the coffee (or tea)?

Tip’s a god in the kitchen, I’d imagine this stuff is made by him too. owo

18. Who is a cat person/ Who is a dog person?

They’re both cat people, I guess Tip would be more of a dog person than Nicole considering she’s kinda terrified of them, but he’s still a cat person in the end.

22. Who goes all out for Valentine’s Day?

So for their first Valentine’s Day Tip has never heard of the holiday so of course Nicole ropes in Ian to help her and she makes Valentine’s Day this really nice fanfare and goes all out...

Tip then decides that every Valentine’s Day needs to be that insanely fun and goes all out on it to make it the best Valentine’s Day for Nicole ever. It’s probably adorable.

31. Who is more affectionate?

Definitely Tip, it’s not that Nicole’s not affectionate, I just see Tip as that ridiculously affectionate puppy type character who follows Nicole around being adorable.

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?

Sleep drunk Nicole wakes up Tip and starts bugging him about stupidly deep stuff while the boy is half asleep and all she wants to do is start cuddling him while rambling about this stuff.

When they get older, the conversations start getting more realistic deep stuff and happen a lot less sleep drunk, but Nicole still brings them up.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

“If lost return to Nicole.” “I am Nicole.”

38. Who likes to star gaze?

I really like the idea of the two of them just going out and looking at the stars and being adorable together over it. So both of them.

48. Who loses stuff?

Neither tbh, they’re both really good about keeping track of things.

Skyuuya:

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

Sky functions as both, but prefers the day a lot of times. I see Yuuya very much as a night owl who can function during the day tbh.

4. Who wakes the other one up with kisses?

Sky purposefully pretends to be asleep even though she normally gets up at the crack of dawn just so she can wake up to a few kisses from Yuuya.

8. Who sleeps in their underwear (or naked)/ Who sleeps in their pajamas?

Both are in pajamas most of the time, I can very easily see Yuuya as the type of person to fall asleep in his underwear a few times though without thinking about it.

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?

Sky gets uncomfortable in them, but only if they don’t have a very sturdy shelter around them, otherwise it’s probably neither of them.

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?

Do obsessions over younger siblings count because these overprotective siblings are both obsessed with their younger sibling’s happiness. owo’

27. Who takes a long shower/ Who sings in the shower?

I don’t think either of them would sing in the shower, and while Sky would certainly like to take a long shower, the life they lead basically forces the two into taking showers as quickly as possible. Never know when despair might be ready to fuck you over. 

28. Who is the book worm?

Both, but especially Sky, she’s super into reading and could spend literally hours pouring over a book.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

“If lost return to Sky.” “I am Sky” They both know who the more responsible one is. XD

37. Height difference or age difference?

I think they’re around the same age as each other. As for height differences Yuuya’s taller than Sky for sure.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

Sky wins the stuffed animals for herself, Yuuya tries to do it, and he probably could if she’d let him, but she’s too determined and also too good so really in most cases she just does it for herself.

Cafe OT3:

5. Who usually has nightmares?

Kat has them more frequently when her anxieties get the better of her, particularly when it comes to her near “failures” during the adventure.

...Chris has them so much worse though, especially after coming back to life.

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? 

...Don’t let Kat get sleep drunk. Just don’t. It’s a horrible idea, she’ll get super deep and rambly over everything.

7. Who sweats the small stuff?

...Well gee, I wonder when this OT3 has miss anxiety in it.

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?

Dorothy’s most dominant, Kat’s most submissive because she pretty much goes along with everything. Chris falls in the middle.

24. Who is the talker/ Who is the listener?

Chris is great for listening to both his girlfriends when they tend to be having problems, I mean he’s not always great at solutions, but he likes listening to them talk and/or letting them vent when they need it.

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?

I genuinely see Chris with a candy obsession worse than my own. Dorothy’s probably the healthiest eater of the trio.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?

I’d imagine Kat and Dorothy both do when it comes to showing Chris the holidays, but Kat’s an Apprentice, it’s in her blood to go overboard on the holidays.

36. Who is the social media addict?

The closest any of them get is Kat runs a music youtube/vlogging channel.

41. Who cries during sad movies?

Chris is just flat out in tears over it, and Kat’s blubbering herself while trying to console him. They both need Dorothy to calm the two of them down during the sad scenes.

Kat gets extra emotional though if it’s a Disney movie. Especially the scene in Bambi where Bambi loses his mom.

42. Who is the neat freak?

I feel like Kat and Dorothy take equal responsibility over this. Probably a bit more towards Dorothy than Kat though.

NiNick:

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day?

As somebody who has a difficult time being up in the morning at a reasonable time, Nina often gets deep emotional sleep drunk during the day, Nick has the reverse problem at night.

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?

They’re both up for a good romance movie 95% of the time, but sometimes Nick will put in a horror movie just because when Nina gets scared she’ll choose to cuddle him. Good way to get cuddles after all.

12. Who is smol/ Who is tol?

Nina is smol, Nick is tol. XD

21. Who has an obsession (over anything)?

Nina has a Disney obsession worse than mine and that is saying something...I’d imagine both of them might also have a tiny sex obsession, just a small one. owo’

26. Who likes to eat healthy/ Who loves junk food?

Nick probably tries to convince Nina to eat healthily...key word here being tries. He doesn’t do a very good job of succeeding though.

31. Who is more affectionate?

Is both a fair answer? I mean I guess Nina’s a bit more so since she’s an affectionate little kitty, but I could really see it going either way.

32. Who likes to have really long (deep) conversation?

I had to give this one a lot of thought, but in the end I’m definitely gonna go with Nina probably bringing it up since she has the capacity to take things more seriously than he does.

35. Who goes overboard on the holidays?

Both, Nina goes more overboard though, I think. XD

37. Height difference or age difference?

...Height difference, Nick is like a foot taller than Nina.

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy? 

Once Nina is awake, she is literally the most active person on the face of the planet and even Nick, who is not lazy, can’t keep up with her. Before she actually wakes up however...she won’t move from the bed. She literally has to be carried out of bed half the time if she doesn’t have a definitive reason to move.

Mirai/Fallon:

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

Mirai’s up bright and early a lot of the time, Fallon stays up wait working on some kind of experiment and is only up early if she has to, and has coffee.

2. Who is the big spoon/ Who is the little spoon?

Fallon big spoon, Mirai little spoon. :3

5. Who usually has nightmares?

Believe it or not, I give this one to Fallon. Mirai had a pretty okay childhood besides some bullying issues, and since she tries not to dwell on it, it doesn’t affect her psyche and while maybe post ST she experiences some pretty severe ones, overall the girl makes it out okay on the nightmare front.

I feel like Fallon, on the otherhand, has nightmares that would be terrifying to her and her alone. 

11. Who likes horror movies/ Who likes romance movies?

Mirai’s a little romantic at heart and would love to watch romance. Fallon likes horror, but never puts them on because they scare poor Mirai. ;w;

13. Who is considered the scaredy cat?

This is literally Mirai the poor girl is probably scared of her own shadow sometimes.

16. Who is scared of thunderstorms?

Mirai hates the noise, but loves the rain, so she’ll often end up scared, but watching the rain fall down to calm herself.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

Of course the randomizer spits it out for a ship I don’t see being as likely to do it.

Fallon probably does it if Mirai begs enough, so...

“If lost return to Fallon.” “I am Fallon.”

40. Who is the fun parent/ Who is the responsible parent?

Fallon shouldn’t be a parent imo, but I guess it really depends on your definition of fun. If you want experiments with the dead you’ll probably find her more fun than Mirai.

41. Who cries during sad movies?

Mirai. XD

48. Who loses stuff?

Mirai accidentally misplaces things from time to time, but Fallon’s probably the one who’s more likely to get engrossed in something and lose something.

Chrobin:

5. Who usually has nightmares?

I’M ALL FOR ROBIN HAVING A SHIT TON OF NIGHTMARES POST GRIMA OKAY. They’re just so scared of being possessed again and even though Chrom tells them it’s okay they keep having dreams where they killed Chrom again and again and again and they can never escape them.

6. Who would have really deep emotional thoughts at the middle of the night/ Who would have them in the middle of the day? 

Chrom gets super deep and rambly and sleep drunk in the middle of the night and Robin is just like “Chrom shut up go to sleep.”

These deep sleep drunk comments are of course mixed in with things like “I’m Naga and you’re Grima so that means when we’re together both the dragons are having sex right?” but you know he does have them sometimes.

20. Who is dominant/ Who is submissive?

Robin’s dominant, Chrom is submissive.

23. Who asks who out on the first date?

Well since Chrom proposes in game he probably asks Robin out first because they would never actually confess to him because of the difference in status.

25. Who wears the other ones clothes?

Robin lends Chrom their cloak all the time because he refuses to dress warmly so he’s just out in the cold with one arm exposed and so Robin just throws it at him like “You’re going to freeze otherwise.”

30. Who likes long walks on the beach?

Chrom, he uses them to make new memories for Robin.

34. Who would wear “if lost return to…” t-shirt/ Who would wear “I am…” t-shirt?

“If lost return to Robin.” “I am Robin.” Lissa sees them in these shirts once, bursts out laughing, and literally never lets Chrom live it down for the rest of his life.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

Chrom tries to win them for Robin, but can literally never do it for them so they end up having to win the stuffed animals for themself, and then for Chrom later when he sees one he wants and still can’t win the carnival game.

44. Who is active/ Who is lazy?

Robin is always doing something, Chrom has to convince them to take a break pretty much. Chrom is a lot more laid back, so he’s got a bit more of a lazy streak,  but he’s still pretty active.

48. Who loses stuff?

You’d think Chrom would be the worst offender of this and admittedly he’s pretty bad but no, Robin is so much worse about this because they just get their nose stuck in some strategy book and then just epically fail at keeping track of shit.

VanAqua:

1. Who is the early bird/ Who is the night owl?

Aqua’s very used to getting up early due to training since Eraqus always started training early, Vanitas very much loves the night.

5. Who usually has nightmares?

Both do. Aqua has a lot of nightmares after her time in the realm of darkness and Vanitas...he has like a billion and one from his time with Xehanort when the old man abused him.

19. Who loves to call the other one cute names?

Aqua takes to calling him “Van” or “Vani” a lot of times as a way to shorten his name, but for the most part neither one of them really uses any cute nicknames.

31. Who is more affectionate?

Aqua starts off as more affectionate but the truth is Vanitas is very starved for affection so once he starts getting it and figuring out what it is he starts giving it to anybody who gives him affection very, very frequently, and that includes Aqua.

33. Who would wear “not guilty” t-shirt/ Who would wear “sin” t-shirt?

Vanitas 110% wears sin, Aqua only puts on the not guilty t-shirt after he begs her to do it because he finds it funny. She gets her revenge with the “If lost return to...” and “I’m...” shirts. XD

38. Who likes to star gaze?

Aqua, she had to convince Vanitas to go out and look at the stars with her the first time they did it.

43. Who wins the stuffed animals at the carnival for the other one?

...Listen I’m not saying Vanitas takes a love of stuffed animals from Ven, but Vanitas gains a love of stuffed animals from Ven, so he bugs Aqua about winning it for him.

47. Who has the more complex coffee order? 

So while Vanitas is super picky about his coffee to begin with and probably would’ve only drank it this way anyways, he purposefully picks the most complex coffee drink in the world, meanwhile Aqua’s just like basic cream and some sugar person. 

He also purposefully does this and makes his orders worse if we’re dealing with a coffee shop AU and Aqua’s a barista.

49. Who is the driver/ Who is the passenger?

Vanitas tries to take the wheel but Aqua will literally refuse to let him drive because he’s kinda really bad at it, so she’s the driver most of the time.

50. Who is the hopeless romantic?

Aqua’s such a hopeless romantic, Vanitas wants to shake her view of this but really he fails and she probably does a much better job of convincing him of her own romantic view points.

[davidsilvercloud]

Terry David Silvercloud, Vancouver Visual Artist, 28 Oct., 2017.

28 Oct., 2017, Saturday in Vancouver.  Nice day... cool and sunny.

Terry David “Butch” Silvercloud, Visual Artist, Photographer, Physicist…. This is my naked life in photos.  If you are looking for me naked, then go here and sign in… http://ButchNaked.com

(https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_silvercloud)

I'm a photographer and have a lot of experience and photographic knowledge.  I can't teach you all I know but I can give you some food for thought.  Modern cameras are pretty good at getting a decent exposure and focus, so you should concentrate on composition and lighting.

The single biggest mistake people make when using Smart Phone cameras is to hold the camera in a vertical position.  90% of photos will be better if you use the horizontal framing.  And, who says you have to hold the camera level?  Look at the lines in the photo... the composional lines and MAKE them orient towards corners.  Speaking of corners, they are great positions for photos... aiming at, or away... as background.

Composition, with people, means that the people/person is very important to the composition.  Try to keep them centered with wide angle lenses and try to FILL THE FRAME.  Empty space around the people should tell a  story about the photo or not be there.

VOGUE... pose, be interesting.  A portrait is not a casual photo... it's posed.  Go for it.  Bend legs, bend arms... do stuff, try stuff.  Digital is cheap to shoot... shoot LOTS of photos.  Take several EVERY time... more than one shot, to get a better/best shot.  Remember, bend limbs, post your body at angles to the camera and TWIST your body towards the lens.  Don't let your arms be limp rags... hold a pose... any pose.  You can always shoot another shot if the first one is crap.  Digital is cheap... only time can slow you down... how much time you have to do the shot.  If you are not used to posing, turn your body 45 degrees from the camera and turn your UPPER body towards the camers.  Keep your chin DOWN, not looking up at the sky.  Look directly into the lens and keep that chin DOWN.  Turkey necks are not appealing.  You can always delete the crap shots and shoot more.

Side lighting is best for most dramatic affect.  Early or late in the day will give you side lighting.  In bright sunlight, seek out open shade areas... the light will be less contrasty and there will be lots of light if the sun is shining.  When using a wide angle, or super wide angle, keep the person in the center of the image to avoid distortion.  When photographing people, be sure they are looking towards the light, not the camera... i.e. the sun should be behind, or beside you.  Watch for light  being reflected off building windows... stand in that light with that light falling upon you... the subject.  The hour after sunrise and before sunset is a great time for portraits and dramatic photos.

Many cameras have multiple auto settings.  If it is not too bright out, or near dark, look for settings that adjust for twilight, or night lighting.  That will tell the camera to open up the iris and use the fastest shutter speed available for the shot... remember to hold the camera STEADY.  Brace the camera with your arms, and put your elbows into your chest to stabilize the camera.  Shakes cause blurring... another reason telephoto lenses are not recommended except by experts.  If you buy an auxiliary lens, get a very wide angle lens, or wide angle zoom lens.

To me, photos are everywhere.  You will learn to 'see' things if you look for them... colour contrasts, shadows, things you don't normally pay to much attention to.  I love super wide angle lenses and you will notice I use one often.  My camera of choice, just now, is a SONY NEX-7 with 16mm pancake lens and dedicated fish eye attachment.... extremely wide angle.  Wide angle lenses have deeper depth of focus and are more forgiving on focus.  Telephoto lenses are extraordinarily prone to vibration and shake which degrades the image.

Always use a lens hood.  Try to use a tripod when you can.  Self timers are great for selfies.

Learn how far you have to be from the camera to get your entire body in the frame.  For instance, with my camera, I have a six foot rule.  I have to be, at least, six feet back from a six foot subject to get them in the frame if I aim at their middle.  I often do video and am not looking through the lens, nor even looking at the screen.  In bright sunlight I wouldn't see what was on the screen, anyway.  I had to learn to aim by instinct, sort of.  To be able to look at my camera and know what the line of site is to be able to aim it without looking through the lens or looking at the screen.

I mentioned wide angle lenses.  It's better, in my opinion, to get up close to the subject rather than use a long lens with a subject far away.  The only time I use a long lens is a slightly long lens for portraits.  My Macro Lens is a slightly long lens for better optics... it was part of the design of being a Macro Lens.  A macro can be a good portrait lens too.  If you want an interesting portrait affect, stretch a piece of black nylon over the lens.  You'll see.  You may like it. ==================================== Kids, if you have the presence of mind when attacked by ANY ANIMAL/SHARK… HIT IT ON THE NOSE AS HARD AS YOU CAN.  ANY ANIMAL.  RUN LIKE HELL.  BEARS CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU AND CAN CLIMB TREES.  LIE DOWN, PLAY DEAD… REMEMBER THE NOSE.  HIT THE F**KING NOSE AS HARD AS YOU CAN…. REPEATEDLY.  RUN.  MAKE A LOT OF NOISE WITH ANY ANIMAL… SCREAM AND SHOUT AT IT… BE AGGRESSIVE.  ALWAYS CARRY A WHISTLE…. FOX 40 AT ANY OUTDOOR STORE.

========  MORE STUFF ABOUT ME TO READ===== I have a video channel… http://YouTube.com/ButchNews and other channels you may find at that link.

Somebody, recently, tried to scam me on Craig’s List: See video, below…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR_iuHL6HCo ===== TERRY DAVID SILVERCLOUD ======= Who is Butch?  What kind of creature is he, anyway? GET TO KNOW ME…  I began http://ButchNaked.com which is at https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_silvercloud/ to store my images and make them available to other people… I take a lot of them.  I wasn’t expecting so many visitors, but here you are… about 100,000 photo views a week, lately… 9.9 million photo views, just now.  Thank you for visiting.  TELL EVERYONE.

You are free to download and share nude photos of me.  Some of my selfies are boner shots.  I find that harder to do, now… I’m 73, but will continue to shoot boner shots when my body is in the mood.  It’s become difficult for me to ask my dick to stand up, on demand, lately.  The joy of old age… I don’t recommend it, but no cure has, yet, been found.  You may share boner shots of me.  Download tool is on lower right of each photo with ability to choose download file size.  There are thousands of nude selfies, of me, on this site.  Artists might find some useful for painting, or drawing.  Small computer projectors are inexpensive, these days, and work well for outlining objects, people, scenes, etc.

I don’t have time to FOLLOW people I don’t know, so you should not expect me to ‘follow’ you.  I don’t know you and you must prove you are worth the effort to even bother.  I find this whole “following” thing to be some kind of social disease that is prevalent upon the planet, just now, co-dependent interaction and I don’t do co-dependency.  People are so insecure and lacking in self esteem they are glued to their smart phones to maintain their self worth.  I’m a “you get what you give” kind of guy.  Whether, or not, you like me, I don’t care.  I’m just trying to be a nice person who is useful to the planet.  Strangers are, mostly, interested in what’s in my pants… so I show you.

I’m not into social media… I don’t do FaceBook, nor Twitter.  I consider them to be cesspools of ignorance and co-dependency.  I’m a quiet, intellectual kind of guy, I talk a lot… kind of a motormouth because of my ADHD brain.  I can be obsessive compulsive, at times.  I’ve been working on controlling that.

My specialist knowledge is science/particle physics and relativity (time/space stuff).  I’m interested in Quantum Field Theory.  I’m an expert in the field of photography and am becoming a pretty good painter, now.  You will not understand me unless you have a PhD in psychology and, even then, you will be perplexed.  I’m not like you… get over it.  If you tell me we are all the same I will immediately dismiss you as a bone head,  brain dead, idiot.  I don’t much trust humans, at all, and am very uncomfortable around the huggy kinds of people, as I find them to be among the least intelligent of all.   Don’t touch me, please, I’ll figure you out really, really fast.

I don’t enjoy being old.  My energy levels are falling and I don’t care for that one little bit.   I try to stay in shape and exercise most days.  I watch the food I eat and try to avoid too many carbohydrates.  Fat and sugars are good for you, carbohydrates can be dangerous to many… we are, genetically, carnivores with a meat, root, nut, and fruit digestive system.  Grains were not part of our diet until about 8,000 years ago.

We require very little food to survive and are not, physically, adapted to cold climates without a heavy coat of body fat.  Fortunately, we discovered fire and cooking which breaks down carbohydrates into more digestible compounds.  On the downside, heat destroys many food components.  It’s tricky, but workable.  Humans have become gluttons devouring anything that moves or grows on the planet.  Humans are a virus destroying the Earth.

http://TheShapeOfGod.com  (http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumblr.com)

I don’t want invisible friends who know nothing about me.  Most of you would find me to be very eccentric and weird.  I've been told I'm a 'Sheldon'.  You might 'get it'.  I don’t give out my phone number lest boneheads text me.  Why people assume it’s OK to text me, I have no idea.  I don’t text.    I have, absolutely, zero interest in chatting online.  Who has the fucking time?  I’m a busy person with things to do.  If a person can’t find the time to phone and talk, I really, really, really don’t want to know them… ever.  Send me an e-mail or letter, but NEVER text me.  If it’s important, phone me.  I’m sick to death of mindless, unthinking humans.  You don't have to be a brainiac to know me... just a nice person with some kind of passion in life.  I get along best with younger guys... under 25 and have no interest in social interactions with women, at all.

I have more than a dozen e-mail addresses.  I don’t own, nor have any use for, a smart phone.  I don’t give out my phone number, easily.  My main address is ButchBoard@gmail.com which has extreme spam protection… I may not even get your mail if it has the least hint of spam as you must pass through two separate spam filters, first.  My personal blog is at:

http://DavidSilvercloud.com  (http://David_Silvercloud.Tumblr.com)

I don’t make a lot of video, any more, but do keep a number of YouTube channels.  My main channel is http://YouTube.com/ButchNews and you may go direct at http://ButchNews.com

I have old person health issues… severe arthritis and have been on a pain management program for more than five years now… T3’s and Diclofenac.  The Diclofenac slows my energy, a bit, I sleep longer and more, but the benefits outweigh the side affects.  I’m a queer man who likes much younger guys, than myself, with a brain and skinny.

I have no sexual nor social interest in women, at all.  I am not comfortable in typical “gay’ environments such as gay clubs or bars.  I rarely drink, only socially at dinner, and am a heavy pot smoker.  I don’t smoke cigarettes.  I try hard to be fit by frequent, usually daily, exercise of sit-ups, toe touching, and light weights.  I watch my calorie intake, attempt to avoid processed foods.  I try to eat a variety of foods.  I'm very picky about what kind of guy I like... skinny is always good.  I find people become more and more boring as they age.  They get stuck in some time period with which they are comfortable and try to stay there.  I have a rule... when you arrive, you don't get to stay.  Evolution can't be stopped.  Death guarantees the old ideas will die, sooner or latter, nothing will ever stay the same.  Get used to it.  Rest is an illusion in the universe and is always relative.

I have no shame regarding nudity, or sex.  I am a visual artist and retired studio/commercial photographer.  I don’t see so well, now, and use a Sony Nex-7 on auto everything (intelligent auto mode).  My 'normal’ lens is the 16mm pancake lens and I normally use the dedicated Sony Fish Eye attachment or Wide Angle attachments for that lens.  You will have great difficulty duplicating my photos without the use of that lens combination.   I have lots of time on my hands and spend it on learning to paint, and taking photos.

http://SeriousThunder.com   (http://SeriousThunder.Tumblr.com)

I am NOT, presently, online, to save on cash flow… I live on a couple of very small retirement incomes and don’t have a lot of money.   I don’t post every day, but often.Check me out… while above ground I maintain several domains:

My home page…

http://ButchBoard.com

Main YouTube page…

http://ButchNews.com

Main photo cloud…

http://ButchNaked.com

Paintings:  

http://SeriousThunder.com

Physics… The Speed of Light…

http://ElectronSpeed.Tumblr.com

God… My manuscript…

http://TheShapeOfGod.com

[100prompts]

1. Show the video footage of former Israeli Ambassador to the U.S., Michael Oren, being heckled by pro-Palestinian activists at U.C. Irvine. Ask students: How does this make you feel?

 2. Throw a bagel to every person in the room. Ask: In what ways does this bagel represent and embody the Jewish experience and in what ways not? Consider in chevrutah.

 3. Give every student $7. Challenge them to donate a dollar a day for one week. Come back a week later and discuss.

 4. Read the Bereshit account of Jacob wrestling with the “angel”. Ask students: In what ways has Jewish history embodied or reflected this origin as “wrestlers”?

 5. Read the morning prayer, “Elohai HaNeshama”. Ask students: What comes up for you when you read this prayer? What might it mean to say that the soul is “pure”?

 6. Give everyone a copy of “Modeh Ani” and have folks recite it upon arising every morning for one week. Come back together and discuss.

 7. Watch the Israeli band A-WA’s single “Habib Galbi”. Discuss.

 8. Watch a quality version of Bob Marley’s “Exodus”. Ask students: To what extent is this a “Jewish” song – To what extent does it present the tropes and themes of the Jewish story – both historically and spiritually? To what extent not?

 9. Study a map of the Land of Israel that includes both major Jewish and Arab population centers as well as clearly delineates the “Green Line”. Ask students if they have any questions.

 10. Invite students into a private Facebook group entitled “Gratitude Reflections” and challenge each member of the group to post three “things” they’re grateful for each day.

 11. Bring a group of students to a rally or protest. Have them create signs and posters based on values from their Jewish tradition. Following the rally, go get pizza and discuss.

 12. Bring a group of Muslim students to meet a group of Jewish students. Have dinner and then have each group generate as many questions as they’d like to ask the other. Come back together and take turns going back and forth, answering as many of the questions as possible.

 13. Watch the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, “Palestinian Chicken”. Ask your students to explain the last scene.

 14. Invite Erika Davis (author of the “Black, Gay, and Jewish” blog) to visit a group of students.

 15. Purchase every student a copy of Heschel’s “Moral Grandeur and Spiritual Audacity”. Read any essay. Discuss.

 16. Find an online description of the Chofetz Chaim’s stringent rules around gossip and Lashon Hara. Ask students what role gossip plays in their lives and if they can understand the rabbi’s stringencies?

 17. Host a Tu B’Shvat seder. Download the Hazon “haggadah” for the occasion. Real wine is a must.

 18. Pass around a lulav and an etrog. Discuss.

 19. At the start or end of a semester, study the midrash of Nachshon ben Aminadav. Ask students in what ways that embodied the chutzpah of Nachshon over the past semester and in what ways they wish they had embodied his chutzpah.

 20. Watch the short (30 min.) Israeli movie “Barriers”. Ask students to name ten different types of barriers represented in the movie. Discuss widely.

 21. Read the entirety of the Shema. Ask students: How would you relate to the 2nd paragraph if you were a Cambodian sustenance farmer? How would you relate to it if you were “ancient man”? How do you (might you) relate to it as you yourself?

 22. Borrow a handful of sets of tefillin and a bunch of tallitot and gather a bunch of students for whom these ritual items are not familiar. Have everyone take turns “wrapping and donning”. Discuss.

 23. Gather ten students in an open space for the sunset. Recite the evening “Ma’ariv” prayer. Sit in silence.

 24. Look at a collection of hanhagot from various Jewish writers. Have students compose their own hanhagot – based on the language and style of the historical ones.

 25. Open up the claf of a mezuzah. Ask students to explain this ritual technology. Have students compose their own mezuzah scroll – give them pushpins to affix these original scrolls to their doorposts.

 26. Gather a small group of really intellectually intense students. Purchase each of them a copy of Buber’s “The Way of Man”. Gather on several occasions to read a chapter from this small book.

 27. Read the original “10 Commandments” and then read Archie Gottesman’s “New Ten Commandments for the Jewish People”. First discuss. Then have the students compose their own individual ten commandments. Discuss.

 28. Cut up a whole lot of little slips of paper. On half of them write, “The entire world was created for me”. On the other half write, “I am nothing but dust and ashes”. Give one of each to 10 students. Ask them to pull out the former when they’re feeling glum and to pull our and read the latter when they’re feeling overly proud. Have them do that for a week. Gather and discuss.

 29. On Erev Shabbat, have students go around and fill in the following blanks: This Shabbat I want to unplug from ________. This Shabbat I want to plug into ________.

 30. Introduce the Kabbalistic practice of gerushin (wanderings). Take a handful of students and walk aimlessly around campus for an hour trying to get in touch with the exile of the Shekhinah. Discuss.

 31. Give a tutorial on various online Israeli and Jewish news culture websites. Let students survey them on their own for a while. Present favorite articles.

 32. Read the first chapter of Bereshit – slowly. Discuss as you read.

 33. Study Rav Yosef’s statement in the Talmud (Ketubot 48a) that “There must be close bodily contact during sex…” Ask students why Rav Yosef insists on two people being naked? What’s up with nakedness?

 34. Study the midrash’s story of Noah planting a vineyard with Satan. Prepare to answer questions about the Jewish Satan. Ask students: What’s this midrash trying to communicate to us about the complexity of getting drunk and being stoned?

 35. Get a bunch of siddurim and have students flip through the section of Birkat Nehenin. Tell them they are on a “Brachot Scavenger Hunt”. Can they identify one blessing that is surprising? One that they have recited at some point in the past? One that they find beautiful? Etc.

 36. Cut up the weekly parsha verse by verse. Place all the verses in a hat. Pass it around – everyone randomly selects a verse. Have students go a sit alone for 15 minutes reflecting on how the verse speaks to them and “where they’re at” in life. Come back together and share in chevrutah.

 37. Study the very first mishnah of Mishnah Berachot.

 38. Read A.B. Yehoshua’s critique of diaspora life published in Ha’aretz several years ago. Discuss.

 39. Print copies of the summary of “the PEW poll”. Give students 15 minutes to peruse and discuss in small groups. Come back together. Discuss.

 40. Give students 30 minutes to answer the question “Why be Jewish?” Answers must be fewer that 50 words. Do the same exercise but require answers to be 20 words or less. Do one more time – 5 words. Then 1 word.

 41. Read Matisyahu’s Twitter post (along with accompanying photo) from 12/13/11. Discuss.

 42. Gather a group of students. Ask them how we might understand and relate to the idea of angels. Chant “Shalom Aleichem” (as a niggun, without the words) for 15 minutes. Discuss.

 43. Print out copies of the Rambam’s enumeration of the 613 commandments. Give students 15 minutes to explore the list. And give them a set of scavenger hunt questions to guide their exploration. A commandment that’s surprising. One they already were familiar with. One they’d like to find the time to perform. One that is morally troubling.

 44. Watch the “Double Rainbow” Youtube classic. Pair this with a Heschel text on “wonder”. Discuss.

 45. Invite a Jewish LGBT activist to visit with your students.

 46. Invite a young Orthodox Jew to meet with your students for a session entitled, “What’s going on in the mind of a young Orthodox Jew?”

 47. Sometime around Hannukah, read David Brooks’ piece, “The Hannukah Story,” in the NYTimes from 12/10/09. Discuss.

 48. Look at the commandments prohibiting tattoos. Ask students: What right does the Torah have to tell you how to live your life?

 49. Place a bacon cheeseburger in the center of a group of students. Discuss.

 50. Play Omer Avital’s song, “New Middle East”. Ask students: What does this song mean?

 51. Read Allen Ginsberg’s poem, “Jaweh and Allah Battle”. Read it again. Discuss.

 52. Have students try and retell the Purim story.

 53. Ask students about the personal significance (or lack thereof) of fasting on Yom Kippur.

 54. Ask students to make sense of the fact that many Jews who eat cheeseburgers all year long abstain from bread during Pesach.

 55. Have students consider Kaplan’s statement: “The ancient authorities are entitled to a vote, but not a veto”. Discuss.

 56. Consider the mitzvah of Kibud av v’em / Honor your father and mother. Break students into chevrutot to talk about the depth and possible limitations of this commandment. Have students write letters to their folks.

 57. Have students look at the calendar of Jewish months and holidays. Answer questions.

 58. Have students read the liturgical text for Amelioration of Bad Dreams. Ask students: What power (of lack thereof) might dreams have in your life? Get into chevrutot and share a dream that has “stuck with you”. Why?

 59. Read the Rambam’s “13 Principles of Faith”. Discuss.

 60. Bring a Sefer Torah into a room with a group of students. Allow them to hold it and sit with it. Kiss it. Open it up and roll it from start the finish – pointing out unique “typographic” and narrative moments in the text. Answer questions.

 61. Bring in falafel – with all the “salatim” fixings. Have a student facilitate a “Felafel Tutorial” demonstrating how to properly stuff a pita.

 62. Read the Torah’s narrative about Moses not being permitted to enter the Land of Israel. Ask them to reflect on a time in which they too were not able to make it to a long desired “destination”.

 63. Invite a Russian Jewish immigrant to tell his/her story.

 64. Ask students if the institution of Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be nixed – or significantly altered. Should it be postponed until the age of 21?

 65. Ask students: What does the title “Birthright” mean? Do you have a “Birthright” to the Land of Israel? Discuss.

 66. Have students attend Friday night Kabbalat Shabbat davening as “Religious Ethnographers”. Over Shabbat dinner, discuss findings.

 67. Watch “Kourtney and Kim Take New York” episode, “True Colors” in which Scott Disick has a mini Jewish awakening. Ask students: What’s going on for Scott? Discuss.

 68. Watch Alicia Keys’ music video, “No One”. Ask students: What is this song about? About a relationship between two people? Or about a relationship between a person and God? What evidence in the music video might suggest the latter? Bring in some Kabbalistic poetry. Ask students: What’s the relationship between spirituality and eroticism?

 69. Consider several cases of medieval Jewish martyrdom. Ask students: Would you choose death rather than “forsake” your Jewish identity?

 70. Find an interesting analysis of “Jewish American Princess”. Have students read it together. Ask students how they feel about this terminology and its function.

 71. Have students consider the injunction in Vayikra, “Reprove your neighbor”. Bring in some commentary from interesting sources. Break students into chevrutot and have them think about whom in their lives deserves careful reproach of this sort?

 72. Take students to a mikvah. Allow them to immerse (privately) if desired. Discuss.

 73. Read the Israeli Declaration of Independence. Discuss.

 74. Read George Washington’s “Letter to the Hebrew Congregation at Newport”. Ask students: Do they identify primarily as Jewish Americans or American Jews?

 75. Ask students to talk about their “Hebrew Names” – their origins, etc. Lead a discussion about any subject, where students must refer to one another by using their Hebrew names.

 76. Have students tell each other their “Jewish stories” by describing a 1) person, 2) experience, and 3) Jewish idea that have had major impacts on their lives.

 77. Play a good version of the “Hora” and have students lift each other one by one up in chairs. Discuss.

 78. Using their cellphones, have students take portraits of one another with different facial expressions for a variety of Jewish “things” – including, Yom Kippur, Israel, the Shoah, Bnei Mitzvah, etc. Post pictures on Facebook.

 79.  Have students explore Ritualwell.org. Break students up into groups of 4 and have them design new rituals for “Upon a Hard Break Up”, “Upon Acceptance into College”, and “Upon Leaving Your First Year Dorm room”.

 80. Watch an interview with Rabbi Menachem Froman z”l. Ask students: What does Rav Froman mean when he says he lives in “the state of God”?

 81. Ask students: Are Jews white?

 82. Watch a collection of recent videos showing police abuse of people of color. Ask students: Considering the injunction in Devarim, “You must not remain indifferent”, what actions have they considered taking to address the injustices that continue to surround race in America?

 83. Watch the video of two Israeli police officers beating a Jewish Israeli of Ethiopian decent. Watch videos of the ensuing Ethiopian protests in Tel Aviv. Discuss.

 84. Have students turn to one another in chevrutot. Ask them to discuss their relationship with and experience of God.

 85. Have students write a list of “10 Contemporary Plagues” that impact our global society. Have them read this list at their family seders.

 86. Have students read Rebbe Nachman’s short tale, “The Turkey Prince”. Discuss.

 87. Ask students if they’ve received particular “messaging” from parents or grandparents about the need to marry a Jew. Discuss.

 88. In a group of students, read selections from Jean Amery’s essay, “On the Necessity and Impossibility of Being a Jew”. Discuss.

 89. Ask students: Is it cool to be Jewish? Discuss.

 90. Have students interview their oldest living relative about what being Jewish “means to them”. Each student will present.

 91. Have students perform a “Welcoming Assessment” for a selection of campus Jewish organizations and institutions. Students present findings.

 92. Read “The Epistle of the Baal Shem Tov” with a group of students. Discuss.

 93. Instruct students to light a menorah (during Hannukah) in a public space in order to “publicize the miracle”. Come back together and process the experience.

 94. Watch the Israeli movie, “Sallah Shabati”. Discuss.

 95. Watch “Fiddler on the Roof”. Discuss.

 96. Consider how the Torah describes all generations of Jews as having stood at Sinai at the giving of the Torah. Read Merle Feld’s poem, “We all Stood Together”. Ask students to envision what they would have been doing, how they would have been feeling, where they would have been standing – at Sinai.

 97. Teach students how to give a “Dvar Torah”. Then give them all various short selections from Torah. They have 10 minutes to develop “Divrei Torah”. Present.

 98. Facilitate a “Lechayim Tutorial”.

 99. Have students compose their “Jewish Soul Resumes”. Present.

 100. Teach students the lyrics of “Hatikva”. Sing together as a group. Discuss.

[davidsilvercloud]

David Silvercloud, 27 Oct., 2017.

Terry David "Butch" Silvercloud, Visual Artist, Photographer, Physicist.... This is my naked life in photos.  If you are looking for me naked, then go here and sign in... http://ButchNaked.com

(https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_silvercloud)

I learned, a long time ago, that a single person can’t change the world... but I try, anyway.  My name is Butch and I’m not quite like anyone you know, nor likely have ever met.  I DON’T GIVE A FLYING F**K WHAT ANYONE THINKS, (I DO THINGS MY WAY.)  You must prove your are worthy of my company for me to take any interest in you.  I don’t wait up.  I haven’t time for things like texting... I disown anyone who texts me.  Don’t waste my f**king time... f**k off and go away.  If it’s important, phone me.  I haven’t time to waste on sites like FaceBook nor Twitter.  I consider them to be cesspools of idiocy and co-dependency.

27 October, 2017.  I've been experiencing changes in my life, lately, which I expect are related to the medications I'm taking for Arthritis, as well as my age.  I'm 73 now.  Fortunately, I'm retired and don't have to be anywhere as my sleep patterns can vary from day to day.  Presently, it's 5am.  I woke up and am wide awake.  Some days I sleep 9 hours.  Old age is not recommended.

Had a coffee and T3 then went back to bed and snoozed until 10:30am.  Sunny and cool out there.  Had a quiet day housecleaning and doing sound and mic connection tests.  Did some sit ups and light weights, took a few selfies.

We have had very unusual weather this past year.  I've lived in Vancouver for nearly 30 years and this is the driest, most sunny year I've experienced here.  I'm a scientist and am not surprised.  Climate scientists have been telling us climate change is upon us for many years.  Humans are not prepared for the changes coming our way. ===========

FIRE SAFETY

I, recently, learned of a safety tip that had never crossed my mind before.  Now that I'm aware of the idea, I have tried to put it into practice... it's simple enough.  There is a way to save many, many lives in a house fire.  KEEP YOUR BEDROOM DOOR SHUT AT NIGHT.

Large numbers of fire deaths are caused by smoke inhalation while a person is asleep... you never wake up before you get toasted.  It would also be useful to install smoke and Carbon Monoxide detectors in your bedroom and to have an evacuation plan. If you live in an apartment building, you might want to have a strong rope kept handy to escape from a balcony or window.  I'm a bit like Sheldon Cooper of Big Bang.  I have emergency water supplies, first aid supplies and a strong rope.  I also keep a garden hose in my apartment... just in case.  I live in an Earth Quake zone so I keep emergency stuff in my apartment.  It's never enough but something is always better than nothing.

You might try, also, to shut all doors when you leave your home... compartmentalize the place to prevent rapid spread of fire.  It's a simple idea that works.

One other tip... buy a FOX40 whistle at outdoor stores...

https://www.fox40world.com/

and keep it on your key chain.  You never know when a whistle will come in handy.  The whistle is cheap and loud.  Girls... the best way to escape a man is to get  close to him, then LOOK DOWN...  STAMP ON ONE OF HIS FEET... bring your foot down as HARD as you can on one of his feet (you break his foot) and run like hell... SHOUT scream a lot, too.

Kids, if you have the presence of mind when attacked by ANY ANIMAL/SHARK... HIT IT ON THE NOSE AS HARD AS YOU CAN.  ANY ANIMAL.  RUN LIKE HELL.  BEARS CAN RUN FASTER THAN YOU AND CAN CLIMB TREES.  LIE DOWN, PLAY DEAD... REMEMBER THE NOSE.  HIT THE F**KING NOSE AS HARD AS YOU CAN.... REPEATEDLY.  RUN.  MAKE A LOT OF NOISE WITH ANY ANIMAL... SCREAM AND SHOUT AT IT... BE AGGRESSIVE.  ALWAYS CARRY A WHISTLE.... FOX 40 AT ANY OUTDOOR STORE.

========  MORE STUFF ABOUT ME TO READ===== I have a video channel... http://YouTube.com/ButchNews and other channels you may find at that link.

Somebody, recently, tried to scam me on Craig's List: See video, below...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RR_iuHL6HCo

===== TERRY DAVID SILVERCLOUD =======

GET TO KNOW ME...  I began http://ButchNaked.com which is at https://www.flickr.com/photos/david_silvercloud/ to store my images and make them available to other people... I take a lot of them.  I wasn't expecting so many visitors, but here you are... about 100,000 photo views a week, lately... 10 million photo views, just now.  Thank you for visiting.  TELL EVERYONE.

You are free to download and share nude photos of me.  Some of my selfies are boner shots.  I find that harder to do, now... I'm 73, but will continue to shoot boner shots when my body is in the mood.  It's become difficult for me to ask my dick to stand up, on demand, lately.  The joy of old age... I don't recommend it, but no cure has, yet, been found.  You may share boner shots of me.  Download tool is on lower right of each photo with ability to choose download file size.  There are thousands of nude selfies, of me, on this site.  Artists might find some useful for painting, or drawing.  Small computer projectors are inexpensive, these days, and work well for outlining objects, people, scenes, etc.

I don't have time to FOLLOW people I don't know, so you should not expect me to 'follow' you.  I don't know you and you must prove you are worth the effort to even bother.  I find this whole "following" thing to be some kind of social disease that is prevalent upon the planet, just now, co-dependent interaction and I don't do co-dependency.  People are so insecure and lacking in self esteem they are glued to their smart phones to maintain their self worth.  I'm a "you get what you give" kind of guy.  Whether, or not, you like me, I don't care.  I'm just trying to be a nice person who is useful to the planet.  Strangers are, mostly, interested in what's in my pants... so I show you.

I'm not into social media... I don't do FaceBook, nor Twitter.  I consider them to be cesspools of ignorance and co-dependency.  I'm a quiet, intellectual kind of guy, I talk a lot... kind of a motormouth because of my ADHD brain.  I can be obsessive compulsive, at times.  I've been working on controlling that.

My specialist knowledge is science/particle physics and relativity (time/space stuff).  I'm interested in Quantum Field Theory.  I'm an expert in the field of photography and am becoming a pretty good painter, now.  You will not understand me unless you have a PhD in psychology and, even then, you will be perplexed.  I'm not like you... get over it.  If you tell me we are all the same I will immediately dismiss you as a bone head,  brain dead, idiot.  I don't much trust humans, at all, and am very uncomfortable around the huggy kinds of people, as I find them to be among the least intelligent of all.   Don't touch me, please, I'll figure you out really, really fast.

I don't enjoy being old.  My energy levels are falling and I don't care for that one little bit.   I try to stay in shape and exercise most days.  I watch the food I eat and try to avoid too many carbohydrates.  Fat and sugars are good for you, carbohydrates can be dangerous to many... we are, genetically, carnivores with a meat, root, nut, and fruit digestive system.  Grains were not part of our diet until about 8,000 years ago.

We require very little food to survive and are not, physically, adapted to cold climates without a heavy coat of body fat.  Fortunately, we discovered fire and cooking which breaks down carbohydrates into more digestible compounds.  On the downside, heat destroys many food components.  It's tricky, but workable.  Humans have become gluttons devouring anything that moves or grows on the planet.  Humans are a virus destroying the Earth.

http://TheShapeOfGod.com  (http://The-Shape-Of-God.Tumblr.com)

I don't want invisible friends who know nothing about me.  I don't give out my phone number lest boneheads text me.  Why people assume it's OK to text me, I have no idea.  I don't text.    I have, absolutely, zero interest in chatting online.  Who has the fucking time?  I'm a busy person with things to do.  If a person can't find the time to phone and talk, I really, really, really don't want to know them... ever.  Send me an e-mail or letter, but NEVER text me.  If it's important, phone me.  I'm sick to death of mindless, unthinking humans.

I have more than a dozen e-mail addresses.  I don't own, nor have any use for, a smart phone.  I don't give out my phone number, easily.  My main address is ButchBoard@gmail.com which has extreme spam protection... I may not even get your mail if it has the least hint of spam as you must pass through two separate spam filters, first.  My personal blog is at:

http://DavidSilvercloud.com  (http://David_Silvercloud.Tumblr.com)

I don't make a lot of video, any more, but do keep a number of YouTube channels.  My main channel is http://YouTube.com/ButchNews and you may go direct at http://ButchNews.com

I have old person health issues... severe arthritis and have been on a pain management program for more than five years now... T3's and Diclofenac.  The Diclofenac slows my energy, a bit, I sleep longer and more, but the benefits outweigh the side affects.  I'm a queer man who likes much younger guys, than myself, with a brain and skinny.

I have no sexual nor social interest in women, at all.  I am not comfortable in typical "gay' environments such as gay clubs or bars.  I rarely drink, only socially at dinner, and am a heavy pot smoker.  I don't smoke cigarettes.  I try hard to be fit by frequent, usually daily, exercise of sit-ups, toe touching, and light weights.  I watch my calorie intake, attempt to avoid processed foods.  I try to eat a variety of foods.

I have no shame regarding nudity, or sex.  I am a visual artist and retired studio/commercial photographer.  I don't see so well, now, and use a Sony Nex-7 on auto everything (intelligent auto mode).  My 'normal' lens is the 16mm pancake lens and I normally use the dedicated Sony Fish Eye attachment or Wide Angle attachments for that lens.  You will have great difficulty duplicating my photos without the use of that lens combination.   I have lots of time on my hands and spend it on learning to paint, and taking photos.

http://SeriousThunder.com   (http://SeriousThunder.Tumblr.com)

I am NOT, presently, online, to save on cash flow... I live on a couple of very small retirement incomes and don't have a lot of money.   I don't post every day, but often.Check me out... while above ground I maintain several domains:

My home page...

http://ButchBoard.com

Main YouTube page...

http://ButchNews.com

Main photo cloud...

http://ButchNaked.com

Paintings:  

http://SeriousThunder.com

Physics... The Speed of Light...

http://ElectronSpeed.Tumblr.com

God... My manuscript...

http://TheShapeOfGod.com