#i might end up doing a rewrite of the first few chapters instead i've been getting mildly interested in twst again | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

quirkwizard · 7 months ago

Text

Final Chapter: A Look at the Ending of MHA

With the manga of My Hero Academia finally coming to a close, I thought I'd give my opinions about how the series ended. I will be covering everything from Chapter 424 to Chapter 430. This is going to mix my thoughts on the ending, a proposed rewrite, and a lot of responses to people's criticism towards it. Because I'm going to be real with you all: the past two months have been the most frustrating and exhausting experience I've had with this fan base.

I have been writing this since the finale ended. In that time, I've been listening and taking in all the discourse of fans in order to make a more informed opinion. It's been miserable trying to read through all the thoughts people had about the finale. The sheer amount of opinions that were based off misinformation or misreadings of the series has been staggering. So, if I sound more exhausted or if the writing comes across as more scattershot then when I normally do something like that, that's the reason. And, as always, if you have anything you want to discuss, whether it be about the post or the ending, feel free to ask about it.

Review

Miscellaneous Notes:

So there are some bits of the story I wanted to talk about, but didn't feel the need to include full on diatribes about.

-Oh hey, Koichi from Vigilantes is here, that's so- and he's gone.

-Even when Izuku is his peer, Aizawa still finds time to be a jerk to his students.

-Mirio is the number one hero. Makes sense, but it does feel out of nowhere with how little Mirio has been relevant up until now.

-How on Earth is Miriko still working, let alone as a hero? She's down three limbs and in arguably worse shape then Enji.

-Man, they are really taking Kai to task these past few arcs, aren't they? I mean, I get why, but jeez. It's honestly sad to see what's been done with his character.

-I like how All Might's light returned to his eyes. It's a good way to show him getting his spirit back after all this time and reigniting hope in himself..

-So if Eri's horn is back, does that mean her power is back? Kind of wish we had something saying about why she isn't healing people. I get if it's her choice or the recipients choice not to do so, but there needs to be something for that.

Hospital Visit

This works as little cool down from the big battle, especially since we really needed to see some of the immediate consequences on the main characters. I actually like a lot of the stuff with Bakugou. After all this, he finally understands Izuku, shown by them getting similar injuries, and lets himself be emotionally vulnerable about wanting the two to be rivals. And we finally got some thoughts on part of Izuku here, like his regret about seemingly failing to save Tomura and how he doesn't feel hurt about losing out on "One For All". How he's glad that he even got this chance in the first place. I do feel the need to mention All Might saying that Izuku saved the "soul" of Tomura. I think a lot of people missed or ignored that line. It's important to Tomura's death, but I'll get more into that later.

Speaking of consequences, I don't mind Izuku losing out on "One For All". In the grander scheme of things, "One For All" doesn't need to be a thing anymore. With "All For One" gone, it no longer has a purpose to exist. And as we've all seen with All Might, someone holding that much power over he world is a problem, regardless of whether it's used for good or evil. Having it gone helps even the playing field and will push for the idea that people should rely on themselves and each other instead of focusing all on a single symbol. What's more, I think Izuku having to sacrifice it and lose it gives the ending a lot more weight. Because Izuku sacrificed the thing that made him a hero in order to stop Shigaraki. To me, that's one of the most defining aspects of a hero: the willingness to sacrifice something important to themselves to help others.

UA Stuff

All of the things happening at UA are fine. I do like that Aoyama chose to leave 1-A of his own volition instead of being forced out. Plus, now Shinso is in the Hero Course. Good for him. I've never been all that invested in Shino's story, but this is a good way to get him into Class 1-A without making an exception or replacing any of the core cast members. I liked Mirio's graduation speech. I think it works with his arc of trying to inspire other people and trying to honor Sir Nighteye's memory. And they got to have their own little party. That's nice.

Honestly, I find myself having very little to say about all of this, at least the parts within the school itself. I'm all for a calm after the storm to talk about what happened and to build up characters. I'm honestly glad we're back at the school to help ground things after that massive battle. But I think there may have been too much time spent on this. It just feels a little longer than what's needed. Like the bits with the cotton girl feel like they weren't needed for the story and could have been better used setting up or wrapping up something else.

Todoroki Family Prison Visit

The Todoroki family drama has always been one of the stronger plotlines, especially in the latter half of the series. And I believe that it ended on a pretty strong note. It's to the point where I struggle to really say much about the resolution of it. I do like how Shoto asks for something as basic as his favorite food. I also like how Dabi let go of his hatred towards Shoto, who was as much of a victim as he was in all of this, but still held on to it for Endeavor. Because in spite of what a lot of fans seem to think, the manga does take Enji to task and isn't saying he should be forgiven.

Dabi being in this condition is pretty awful, but I concede that it was necessary for him to have a resolution with the other Todorokis. I'll get to my thoughts on the condition of the villains later in the post. So for now I'll just say the metal coffin looks equal parts cool and horrific. I think it's too long at least in the wrong places. I understand that this is an important part of the story. But when it takes up so much of the chapter it's in, I feel like at least something should have been given to the other family members. They aren't the main players of the subplot, but they still could have used some resolution.

Afterburn

Now, there are those who say Enji got off too easy. Uh, no, he didn't. The man lost everything he strived for in the number one position, something that turned out to be totally hollow, and is left severely injured after the battle, due in large part to Dabi. Now the only thing that would bring his life purpose, his family, is all torn apart by his own actions. Now he's resigned himself to seeing his dying son, who hates him with every burnt fiber of his being, every day until Dabi dies. Enji's punishment is to live on, knowing what he did and failing to ever put his family back together. That's not a happy ending, that's a sentencing.

Which is something I do find frustrating about the end of their arc. While we get solid conclusions with Natsuo and Dabi, how Shoto, Fuyumi, and especially Rei feel about all this and their relationship with Enji is ambiguous at best. At least with Shoto and Fuymui, we had some idea of where they stood with their father before now, but Rei is still not clear. I'm not sure about the implications with Rei and whether she's still with Enji. I choose to think that she isn't just trying to help him out in the few panels we see them together, but it's not exactly clear. Which certainly does leave the door open for some... less than favorable interpretations.

Commissioner Hawks

I'm not sure how to feel about Keigo's conclusion. On the one hand, I don't mind where he ended up as the head of the Hero Commission. It's still a way for him to help heroes to make their lives easier without getting involved as a hero. And if there is anyone that can clean up the Hero Commission, it's the guy that's worked under them his entire life. On the other hand though, it does kind of feel like he did got off scott free for a lot of the stuff he did while under the Hero Commission, namely killing Twice. It never feels like Hawks personally was taken to task for his part in all of this. So now we have a murderer as the head of the Hero Commission.

It doesn't matter if he was under orders to do it or not, nor if there were extreme circumstances that pushed him to such actions. The pragmatic side of me does see the reasoning of that, but the story enforces that what Hawks did is a bad thing and does so constantly. Nothing about the manga takes Hawks to task for what he did or makes it feel like he's been punished for that. He may have lost his Quirk, but we don't really know how he feels about that. Which is weird considering how much of his life came from having that Quirk. Unless his comment about not being ashamed of his "filthy wings" as long as he got to help Tokoyami? Maybe it will make more sense on another read.

Spinner and Izuku

I feel like this scene is pretty underrated. Heck, it may even cemented Spinner as one of my favorite villains. To me, it really goes to show the tragedy at the core of Spinner's character. That, for all of his desire to change things or help out his friends, he was too weak to see any change made for himself. So he attached himself to idols like Stain or Tomura. He was always manipulated or pulled by something else. Whether it be the radicalization of Stain or the machinations of All For One, his hopes were used against him, his mindless actions given meaning by peons. All it did was lose him everything. He was, ultimately, a kid who was in over his head and was turned into a monster because of it. The monster everyone saw him as.

And while I've heard some people complain about Tomura only having a message for Spinner, I think that's more about the relationship Tomura had with the rest of the League. They were aligned together for a mutual goal and had some care for one another, but I don't think they ever understood or were close to one another. Spinner is the only one Tomura had any kind of real closeness. That's the whole point of the gamer line, as silly as it was. So, while to the rest of the League, he was Shigaraki, the force of destruction and change, to Spinner, he was Tomura, a friend who he wanted to fight for. My only issue, again, is some unfortunate openness with the ending. Spinner writing a book to spite the heroes is fine, but it leaves this unfortunate implication that this book will be used to radicalize more people. I don't think that is the intention, but again, it's not very clear.

Everyone Do Your Share

I was originally frustrated by how much of the final chapters spent on the cleaning up of things, especially since there were so few chapters left. However, looking back, I do feel it's pretty important to reinforce the idea of everyone trying to help in their own way, no matter how big or small it may be. And in doing so, show the changes on every level possible. It's there to show how things are changing by how people act and see heroes. We've got the civilians doing their part to help the heroes, and we've got the next generation changing their perspective on heroism. All thanks to Class 1-A and their efforts. It's just a nice and efficient way to show things changing from a broader perspective.

Which leads me to the stitch mouth kid. I saw people begging that this kid would be the new Tomura and show that society is still bad and broken. As if something like that wouldn't undermine the entire point of the ending. The whole point is that anyone can be a hero in any way, as long as you are willing to reach out and help others. And people who see a problem can and should do something to help people. They should help when they have the chance before it is too late. So having the old woman reach out to help another lost child is a nice way to tie up that point. And the whole point of all this is that the heroes, especially Izuku, don't need to do everything themselves.

The More Things Change

Many people were upset of the idea of aspects like hero rankings and the Hero Commission not being abolished by the time the series ended. I disagree. I never thought that the rankings themselves were bad or wrong, nor did I think the story ever shows that the rankings are bad. That only seemed to be an issue with Enji and that had a lot of personal issues behind it. Every other hero seemed to be perfectly content to do hero work regardless of the rankings. Now, the Hero Commission, I can understand more. It's shown to be morally gray with its power. However, I don't think the existence of this kind of system is inherently wrong. Having oversight to heroes isn't a bad idea. It's just that the usage of it use to a lot of problems. And most of those people that propagated it are dead and gone.

Further still, there are people that say nothing has changed in the setting. That, since these systems are still in place, it's always going to be like this. Again, I disagree. Because of the massive devastation wrought by Tomura, it gave Japan a fresh start with the current generation. This gives the country the chance to overhaul those systems, even if they are still around. At the end of the day, systems are made up of and by people. The story makes it clear many times how important it is to win the crowd over. And if you win the hearts and minds of the people, it could go on to propagate massive change to the system. If enough people want to change and push for it, things will change. Saying that "things didn't change because systems can't be changed" is such a horrifically pessimistic take on the ending.

The Death of Villains

I've mentioned it before, and I'll say it again: I don't mind Toga dying. By extension, I don't mind the villains dying either. While it may seem tragic and pointless for her to die, I do think that is kind of that point. And no, I don't think this means that she "couldn't be saved". I think it's more of a tragedy. She was the one that people could have been saved before, but it was far too late to help her given how far she had gone. And her dying isn't a failing of that. Because Toga's ultimate goal was to live and die on her own terms. Specifically, being able to express herself and her "love". And to a lesser degree, to have someone try to understand her. I think her dying to save Uraraka is a good end to her character. By extension, that's how I feel about a lot of the villains' deaths in this. They got what they wanted, tragically died in order to see it through to the end. At least there's some peace for them, in that respect.

There's also a matter of "saving". I think a lot of fans took this too literally. To me, "saving" was more about reaching out and trying to understand villains rather than simply fighting them. "Saving" was never going to be the same as "redeeming". Because let's be real, there is no redeeming these people. Not because they can't be redeemed, it's because they don't want to be redeemed, and I think it'd betray their characters to do so. They are unapologetically bad and have hurt a lot of people. Every member of the League is complicit in the deaths of thousands and throwing an entire country into chaos. They aren't wrong for fighting the system, they're wrong for killing countless people to do so. And I have to ask what the other options are? You either have them be forgiven and turn good, which would be insane given the crimes they committed and their characters, or have them locked up forever, which is a fate worse than death. At least in death they can have some form of peace by escaping the consequences of their actions and all the suffering they went through.

Izuku x Uraraka:

Yeah, I'm kind of confused about why it turned out like this. I'm ignoring all the shipping concerns that come from it. I'm more focused on the story and characters. The whole idea of Uraraka and Toga's shared story was about understanding your feelings, both towards yourself and other people. Especially how bad it is to repress and hide your feelings. The whole catalyst of Toga's story was her being forced to repress herself. So having this whole subplot end like this is really odd if Uraraka doesn't express her feelings. That's not mentioning all the hints, setups, and teasing that pushed these two as a potential couple that fell through by not having any conclusion. I honestly wonder why Hori, or his editors, decided to back down like this.

Which, hey, now may not be the best time for a confession, but it's still jarring not to see anything come of it after all this time. Especially since so much of the chapter is about the two talking about their feelings. So why is it written like this? Now, I want to dismiss the popular concept that Hori changed this because of death threats between the two. While it's not something I'd put past obsessive fans, there hasn't been anything to substantiate the claim. So, barring rogue translators, my only guess is that Hori or an editor didn't want to do the reveal now and wanted to focus more on the important parts of the two's connection about inspiring one another. I can understand that, but it feels like a part of their dynamic is missing without any real acknowledgment of the two's feelings.

Izuku and Uraraka:

And I say all that to preface that I do like a lot of this scene and I do think it's important to each of the characters. Because Ochako is being open with her feelings here. It's just not the feelings that were being set up all the way in the first chapter. It's the two trying to connect and come to terms with their own failings with their villains. Only to have Izuku reach out his hand, reaffirming that sometimes all people need is a small act of kindness. Though it's hard to always do that, he's willing to do it because he's just that good of a guy. And having Izuku say that Uraraka is his hero is more heartfelt and important to these characters and the story at large then any confession could have been.

And then we have the rest of Class 1-A coming to help as well. It works as a good parallel to Uraraka saving Izuku back during the Dark Hero Arc. It fits with the idea of heroes saving and helping one another. My only major issue is that I kind of wish we had gotten a little more with Izuku talking about his own feelings regarding Tomura, but we already got that back in Chapter 424. All and All: am I still disappointed that Izuku and Uraraka didn't have any romantic resolution? Kind of. It's less that I wanted them to get together and more I wanted some kind of resolution for it. But I still think what we got is good and that people are focusing way too much on what isn't there than what is there. Which I feel like is a problem with a lot of the ending, but we'll get to that.

Class 1-A Futures:

I do wish we got to see more of the future of Class 1-A, even if they were brief snippets. There are glimpses of Shoto and Bakugou. Bakguou's is alright, and I do like the final bit about no one connecting Shoto and Endeavor. I think that's a good ending for him. The most we get with any kind of detail are Shoji's and Urarak's groups. And I guess Shoji had a good future? Look, the Heteromorph plotline is arguably one of the worst parts of the whole manga. It may even be worse than the Stars and Stripes arc. So I can't exactly muster a lot of enthusiasm seeing it resolved by Shoji in the end. I suppose him thanking the people at the riot was nice? That whole part of the story honestly deserves its own post talking about it.

On the flip side, I'm fine with Uraraka's ending. Because I think people tend to conflate a lot of what makes up "Quirk Counseling", mostly thanks to people like Curious and Toga. One is part of a cult that wants to destroy society and the other most grievously targeted by it. From what we've actually seen of it, such as Tamaki's flashback, it just seems to be a lot of training and understanding your Quirk. Toga was just an unfortunate case where the system as it was couldn't help her and could only try and fit her into a niche. So I don't think expanding it is that big of a problem. Plus, expanding could include more extensive counseling that is more tailored to each child. I do think it's kind of odd that Iida and Momo seem to be stapled on to this ending, though. I'm not sure how this works as an end for either of them. I guess their roles as leaders of the class?

Great Teacher Izuku

Look, I don't mind Izuku having this job. Do I think there could have been other choices for this? Yes, but this is by no means bad. Being a teacher is a lot more respectable in Eastern cultures. Especially since he's teaching at the best hero school in the country, if not the world, it is certainly a high-profile job. And he is still being a hero in his own way and helping out the next generation as a teacher. More importantly, I still think that Izuku achieved his dream of being the greatest hero. The man brought down the greatest villain in human history and was one of the two people responsible for causing a massive shift in the way the world of heroes works. He is truly the world's greatest hero. There is no debating that. This is like some kid wanting to go to space to be the greatest astronaut. They not only go to space, they're the first person on Mars. They also stop the martins from invading Earth, killing the king of the martins, and save humanity. Now injured, they instead teach other cadets how to be astronauts. Would they not have success in their goal of being the greatest astronaut? I don't think anyone could match up with that.

However, my issue is with everything surrounding it. There isn't any set up for him becoming a teacher. It gives us the sense that this was the back-up option for when his real dreams feel through. Especially since Izuku gave everything he could to try and be a hero, and it doesn't happen until the very end of this manga. Which doesn't seem like the intention, since Izuku seems happy enough, but I heard a lot of people saying that. It's lacking in that catharsis and satisfaction that you'd expect from an ending. But you can have an ending that's not exactly happy and still be cathartic, and I think that still applies here. And another problem I have is that he's teaching at UA. Yes, he's helping out the next generation of heroes, but he's not helping out the people that need it most. The kind of people who don't make it into UA. The kind of people like Tomura, Spinner, and Twice. Those are the kind of people that should be getting help like this. Why not put him in a position with a much greater ability to help people? Finally, wasn't the whole point of All Might's arc? That there are other ways to be heroes and life outside of hero work? Why not have that aspect of the story be resolve with him instead of Izuku? He was already going down that route to begin with. Why repeat the same idea?

Walk and Talk

Again, I'm going to have to counter a major talking point I've seen in the fanbase. No, Izuku is not unhappy in his job. He seems to enjoy it and is in fact very good at it, as seen when talking to his students and the plate kid, Dai. He's only unhappy in one panel, in which he's being talked down to by Aizawa. No, Izuku is not forgotten by the world. He's mentioned in the same breath as some of the greatest heroes in the series, has his own statue with the rest of Class 1-A, and is so famous that people know his real name and is of such mythical status that people question if he is real. No, Izuku's friends did not abandon him. The most that Izuku says about that is that it's difficult for all twenty members to get together. He's still probably seeing them in smaller numbers. And I can tell you as someone who has had trouble even getting a quarter of that number of people into a single time slot, it's going to be difficult to get twenty people with separate schedules and lives together.

As for everything with Dai, it's fine. His perspective is pretty important as we get to see the changing worldview. With the demystification of heroes and the elevation of other roles in helping others, young people are now all getting into different fields. The talk around the statue is pretty good as well. Having Izuku effectively talk to a younger version of himself is a good way to close out his arc and all the insecurities he's had over the manga. However, part of me feels like this kind of talk should be done with the stitch-mouth kid. We do actually see him as a part of UA students with Kota. I think having Izuku end up talking to him about his Quirk could have been a good way to end his arc by having him be able to help someone similar. Not to say that the Dai stuff was bad or pointless. It just feels odd to include the guy that's supposed to be the metaphorical spirit of Tomura, put him in Izuku's class, and have them not interact.

The Suit

Again, this is another point where I don't have a major issue with it. At least, I don't have an issue getting the suit itself. I have some issues with the semantics. Did it take too long to build? I wouldn't say that. It was revealed in a piece by Horikoshi that it took all of All Might's vast resources to build, and it lacked a lot of the proper safety features. Having it take some time before it's battle ready for Izuku makes sense. However, that isn't in the manga, at least as far as I can tell. Maybe this makes more sense in the volumes, where stuff like this is included all the time. For real though, these people built this in secret for eight years, and they are just now letting him find out. Was there really no explanation you could have added to make that make more sense?

It creates this odd juxtaposition of endings as well. It gives the feeling of the story wanting to have its cake and eat it as well. Someone wanted Izuku come to terms with being Quirkless and to have a life outside of hero work. The other person wanted Izuku to still fight and be a hero. I also wonder why not just have be both at the same time instead of doing this twist. Make it clear that heroes have a lot more time, both thanks to Hawks and the contributions of the many heroes in the world all working together. Izuku doesn't need to be a full-time hero to save people and chooses to be a teacher to help people in a way that only he can do. That way, he can still be a hero that isn't necessarily the profession while being a professional hero without a Quirk.

Final Thoughts

Now, what are my final options for all of this? I think that ending was pretty solid, leaning good. I do agree that it's better than what is on offer than a lot of shōnen series and a good enough ending for the story. I'm not saying it's amazing or perfect. Though I do find myself more satisfied than frustrated. I get a lot of what the story is going for, and it makes sense. It just needed some refinement to really work. As for what everyone else has said about it, I honestly think that a lot of people are overreacting. I wouldn't go as far as to say people are "lacking media literacy" or that they are "reading in bad faith" like others have on either side of the debate. I just think this as a case where the context and delivery of it resulted in a lot of confusion. And more often than not, people will tend to go with the worst version of the implications. This is not helped by the leaks and bad translations which fans ran away with, as well the built-up hype and headcanons, which poisoned the well for a lot of people.

However, I cannot deny that there is part of the fanbase that is simply not getting the manga. I don't want to use the word "tourist", because that's a No True Scotsman fallacy, but it's starting to feel applicable here. The people who simply aren't reading the manga, whether it be through engaging with it solely through other people talking about it, or trying to look at it anything beyond the most kneejerk and surface level reactions. Because a lot of people tend to conflate what My Hero Academia is about or what its story is conveying. And unfortunately, those are the people with massive followings. Anyone with a differing opinion is drowned out in the sea of angry comments. And I think we really need to get away from that. What I'm saying is that you read the story as it is. Focus on what is happening and what it is trying to say. Don't force a meaning or headcanon on something that wasn't there and don't rely on word of mouth for what the manga is about. Just focus on what the story is trying to say.

My only hope is that this will pass, and calmer heads will win out. That once it's stepped outside the zeitgeist, people will be able to analyze it as a whole. If not, then I'm terrified to think that this will become My Hero Academia's legacy: a bunch of stupid jokes made by people who can't bother to read the official version of the story or try to understand a culture outside their own even when it plays a vital role within the story. If not, then I can hope that maybe something else will come to replace it. Because I'm not sure if this is truly the end. I've heard rumors that there's going to be something akin to Naruto: The Last or the Naruto Wedding Special coming out after the anime ends. If not that, who knows who other kinds of side material will come out to follow up on the world or characters. Which would make sense. The ending doesn't feel like an ending as much as it does "And the adventure continues." Which could be why I'm not as affected by this ending as other people.

There's certainly the cultural side and how that surrounds the manga. I'll always stand by the fact that this manga is a Japanese story by a Japanese author for a Japanese audience. And there's a lot of cultural context that goes into the series. I keep thinking about how a lot of Japanese fans seemed to like the ending and how much I wished I had the context to understand it. Another part of it is how much I'm thinking about Hori. Because for all the popularity of it, being a mangaka is one of the most stressful jobs in Japan. One where the artist has much less say over how their story goes. I'm so curious about what went on behind the scenes to make My Hero Academia turn out the way it is. Was all this Hori fumbling his own story, whether that be through incompetence or failing health, or were there outside forces pressing on him to do things a certain way? It's like how people became more forgiving of Kubo or Toriyama once they found out how hamstrung they were by their higher ups. I suppose only time will tell.

Rewrite

Now, time for the Rewrite portion. As a reminder, I do try to keep to what the manga does as close as possible. For example, I personally would just let Izuku keep some version of "One For All" if the ultimate conclusion was him still being a hero. However, it's obvious that Hori didn't want to go that route with it, so I'll be sticking to him getting with the suit.

Starting things off, we'll be in the hospital with Izuku and All Might recovering. We're told about "One For All" leaving him, and we'll get some reaction from Izuku about it. He will be sad but resolved. He may not have "One For All", but he's still alive. He's got the skill and will to help people without it. And he still wants to do that, even in his own way, because he still has value without "One For All". This could help soften the blow of Izuku losing out on "One For All". That and it's at least something to try to tie up Izuku's self worth issues. This will also be something confirmed by Inko, putting a nice little bow on all this with her being more properly encouraging of Izuku as opposed to how things were in Chapter 1.

Then we're going to reveal how many people want to talk to Izuku. Reporters are going to be hounding Izuku for his story, considering how he was key in stopping Tomura. Which he obviously can't do right now due to his condition. After some time, he will eventually recover enough to give a press conference. This will also be where we get the varying opinions on Tomura, having a panel overwhelming Izuku with questions and thoughts. Izuku is now going to use his newly found position to try and change things for the better. He's going to emphasize the importance of the role of the other heroes and not have it all focus on him. He's going to use it as a platform to talk about who Tomura was and why he did what he did.

It's going to be something emotional and vulnerable, something propping up Izuku as a person rather than the hero Deku, working to prevent another situation like All Might where everyone keeps putting them on pedestals. This way, we have both the validation of Izuku saving everyone and wanting to bring about change on the societal level. It shows him being a hero in the traditional way with the defeat of All For One, now he's being a hero in the non-traditional way. This will be cutting into some of the time we have at UA, but to me, I don't think a lot of what's in that part is ultimately necessary to what the story is trying to say.

For the sake of this, Hawks will still be working as the head of the Hero Commission. He'll talk about how he feels free now that his Quirk is gone and everything that came with it, more so than ever before. However, he still wants to make life easier for heroes so that they can feel this kind of freedom. He initially didn't want the position, but felt the need to take it on after everything that's happened and make things right, implying the guilt he feels over his actions. Plus, it has some nice irony of Hawks still being trapped within the Hero Commissions. So him taking the role is more of his own penance and a punishment.

So while Izuku is fighting on the public front, changing the hearts of the masses to enact change, Hawks will be fighting on the political and systematic front, using the devastation of the country as a fresh start. He'll encourage groups of heroes to work together rather than focusing on the individual. He'll push for a greater level of training or vetting when it comes to people who can get a license for hero work. Most importantly, a greater level of accountability and transparency in both heroes and the Hero Commission as a whole.

Lady Nagant will remain in jail, but it's more for reasons of atonement rather than wanting to wait and see how things play out. Hawks will try to offer her some deal or reduction as a way to make things right, but she feels like it's the right thing to do rather than trying to pretend it never happened. This will also be the part where we explore some of the points with Hawks we talked about earlier. Lady Nagant can even question if the Hero Commission is needed, but Hawks can talk about all the reforms he wants to do with it.

For Chapter 426, we're shortening the Todoroki family time, and it will only take up half of the chapter. I will have some confirmation on whether or not Rei was able to move on from what Enji did and do more to cement how Enji is alone now. He may be resolved to change and make things right, but he is not getting his family back. That ship has sailed. Instead, we'll be sticking to everything involving Hawks and Toshinori in the latter half of this, with him talking to Lady Nagant and him discussing his plans for changing the ranking systems in general. I think it'd flow a lot better, works with tying up another character so closely tied to the Todorokis, and gives us more time for other stuff.

However, we're keeping 427 mostly intact. I think Spinner's material is good, and everything that got brought up needed to be mentioned one way or another. The most I'd do is cut down on the ending gag, since it frustrates me so much, and some of the interviews since we may not need them as much with how I'll be changing things in those sections. I am removing the Kai part of the chapter as well. I like Kai, but this honestly feels pointless in the grand scheme of things.

The biggest change will be that I'll include a bit where, instead of Izuku saying to make it a comic book, he'll remind Spinner to think about what would happen if someone like Spinner read it. About how important a book like that could be and how it should be written, but also how it could hurt someone who reads it. Spinner will remain silent in response, thinking back on how he saw Stain and how he was puppeteered around by the likes of One For All and the PLF during the Final War.

I think you could do a nice parallel between Izuku and Spinner here. They were two young men who were ultimately racialized and hurt by their idols and their lack of self-worth. Again, it's showing Izuku thinking about himself more with what has happened to him and tying that to Spinner's own situation. Plus, it prevents something like Spinner's book from having the unfortunate implication of turning out to something like the MLA book.

We're cutting Chapters 428 and 429 in half and stitching them together. Specifically, all the stuff with the new Class 1-A and the Old Class 1-A will be removed. I just feel like we don't need to focus on this as much as other parts of the world or story. Preferably, I would want them to get together. With the Bakugou and Shoto being seen bit, we're throwing in Izuku as well. There needs to be some confirmation that people did in fact see him as a hero as well and confirm that the three are in fact the new Big Three of UA. I'm not asking this to be the norm of it like they do in Naruto. I just feel like there should be some external validation.

The fight between Toga and Uraraka will be around and released to the public. Her death will be seen as something tragic to the world and help spark the change we see later on with people empathizing with villains like her. This could also lead to Izuku seeing it and being the impetus for Izuku and Ochako talking about their feelings. Yes, this chapter will include a confession for Ochako to Izuku. It won't be during a breakdown, but it needs to be put in somewhere and might as well be here. I'll even settle for an implication. Up to you on whether or not you think this should solidify them as a couple, but I feel like you have to include that in order to complete all of the set-up in the series and especially with Toga.

The new Chapter 429 will instead be a two-year time jump into the future before everyone is graduating. We can still start it off with some of the "where are they now" bits, but not have it take up too much time. With the final embers of "One For All" starting to fade out, Izuku knows this is the end of him as a proper hero, but it doesn't matter to him. He got to be the greatest hero in history who literally saved the world. He doesn't define himself by having a Quirk or not and knows that he can still help people without a costume on. Izuku plans on either going into counseling, charity work, or even trying to get a job at the Hero Commission. Up to you on this one. He still wants to help and stop the various hurting people of the world from ever becoming like anyone from the League ever again. Make it clear this is something Izuku wants.

This is when Toshinori gives him his graduation gift: the suit. Between Toshinori's remaining resources, gifts and gratitude from the various people across the world, and contributions from members of 1-A, they were able to build him the suit. Toshinori kept it from Izuku because it wasn't ready until a few days ago, needing to be properly prepared and built as opposed to the rush job that was the dangerous prototype he used. Izuku, of course, has notes and ideas for improvements on the suit. Toshinori reaffirms that Izuku earned this, and he will still be a worthy hero and successor, Quirkless or otherwise. The chapter ends with Class 1-A and 1-B graduating. I know that two years seems short, but I think that the timespan is enough of a time gap to get the suit together, at least with how I am setting it up, and to have the embers of "One For All" fade.

The alternative route is that, knowing that the embers are running out, Izuku still wants to be a hero. So he's spent the last two years trying to prepare himself for that, putting as much time into training and learning how to use equipment made for him. He doesn't care if he isn't going to be the top hero. He's going to do what he's already been doing: helping people, because that's all he really wanted out of life. That this whole experience changed how he saw himself and hero work. You could even say that it's the prototype for him, eventually becoming the suit. Maybe even combine them both, with the former being a backup plan after hero work. And while I have never been the biggest fan of the whole "Quirkless Hero" concept with how little it's supported in the world, I think we can let it slide because it's the finale. But I wanted to mention it because I thought it'd be an interesting path for the story to take.

Then the real chapter 430 will cut to the future, roughly five to six years. I could take or leave Izuku being a teacher, but for the sake of this, let's say that he is one. Heroes have more time off, so he decides to help educate people. We'll get a similar series of panels that will focus more on the world with how it is now, mainly in relation to Class 1-A. This will show a lot more of how the 1-A kids have grown and the affects they have on the world, like Uraraka actually interacting and helping a kid like Toga come to terms with their power to show how Quirk Counseling has become a tool to help people. I think we really need more scenes like that to really show that things have grown and changed with the world. Izuku's suit will have changed as well, commenting on how much he's been involved with the modeling and planning throughout his most current iteration.

Toshinori will be living his life and still teaching at UA. He talks about how all the kids want to be like Izuku, especially with Kota, and that they never stop talking about him. He jokes to himself about how he feels like he's been forgotten. Cut back to Izuku's old school with the kid in the back. Events will happen similarly to what they did in Chapter 430, with Izuku meeting a kid similar to himself at All Might's statue. There will be the usual stuff he said, trying to encourage the kid, making comparisons to himself, maybe even showing the photos All Might took of him when he was training. He gets a call about an incident and needs to leave. He tells the kid to never forget about the hero he can be and to never stop striving to be that hero. The final words of the series are the ever-iconic "Plus Ultra". This is beyond cheesy, but if we're going to end the series, we might as well end it with some cheese.

#My Hero Academia #Not Quirks #Midoriya Izuku #Deku #Toshinori Yagi #All Might #Katsuki Bakugou #Ochako Uraraka #Uraravity #Shoto Todoroki #Enji Todoroki #Tomura Shigaraki #All For One #Dabi #Toga Himiko #Shuichi Iguchi #Spinner #MHA Meta #MHA Theory

97 notes · View notes

xthelastknownsurvivorx · 1 year ago

Text

Writing Patterns

List the first sentence of your last 10 AO3 works.

(I’ve also seen the “and the last sentence” variant, so I went ahead and did that.)

Thanks for the tag @bbcphile and your patience with me getting to it! Everything here is red, white, and royal blue stuff for mostly the same ship, though I think 2024 will see some other fandoms as well

Doesn't He Know (I've had Him Memorized for So Long) — one shot

first: "Get in, loser, I have coffee."

last: "Yeah, I'm sure."

Every Time My Heart Swings Back to You — 16 chapters

first: "Gabriel of Cleremont, former knight of Lord Beringar's house. Accused and convicted of attempted sodomy with His Royal Highness Prince James."

last: Maybe fate had a hand in leading them to each other, but this is Alex's choice. And it feels pretty damn good.

Not a Day I Don't Miss (Those Rude Interruptions) — one shot

first:

Alex, Had to go early for a family matter. Left with the PPOs. Didn't want to wake you. Thank you for everything. X

last: And all Henry is left with, for the rest of his life, is the feel of Alex's name on his lips.

Red, White, and Royal Switcheroo — one shot

first: "There are a lot of things worth over thinking, believe me. But this isn't one of them."

last: i meant to ask - star wars and luke huh? i've always been more of a han solo guy

SNL | Season 45 Episode 2 | HRH Prince Henry & FSOTUS Alex Claremont-Diaz — 4 chapters

first: TITLE: Categate Cold Open

last: Maybe his trip to London in a few months won't be so bad after all

Burn (They're Watching Us/I Hope That They) — lyric rewrite

first: I cherished each email you wrote me

last: I hope the world burns

Some Element of Mystery — 2 chapters (5+1 things)

first: Alex is having an existential crisis. Has been having an existential crisis for the past two hours.

last: Honestly, maybe Alex should have led with that all along.

Satisfied (Never Have Been, Never Will Be) — lyric rewrite

first: "All right, all right, that's what I'm talking about!"

last: He will never be satisfied, I will never be satisfied

The Frustrating, Intoxicating, Complicated Sum of Him — one shot

first: "Your Highness, we have arrived."

last: "No," Alex says as he shuts the door behind him, "I wouldn't."

Weird That It Happened Twice — one shot

first: "Do I really have to go through with this stupid tradition? There's so much more good I could be doing, actual people I could be pardoning instead of two modern day raptors."

last: But before he goes, he glares at Cornbread and Stuffing and says, "If it were up to me, ya'll would not be getting pardoned tomorrow."

Patterns:

For opening lines, I like to drop the reader immediately into the scene. Most of the time I seem to use dialogue to achieve this, but sometimes I'll borrow a line from the original piece of media.

My endings are a little less consistent. I might end on the main character musing on something that happened or central theme to the story. Or I could also be a bit more open and end on some sort of dialogue that's hopeful and hints at what might come afterwards. Other times, I just write the ending that comes the most naturally to me and feels like the appropriate conclusion.

I feel like it's been a while since is went around, so feel free to ignore if you've already done this @happiness-of-the-pursuit @14carrotghoul @affectionatelyrs @cactusdragon517 @suseagull04 and open tag as always

#tag game #red white and royal blue #rwrb #firstprince #first lines #first line last line #writing patterns #rwrb fic

14 notes · View notes

exonerin · 1 month ago

Note

what part made the upload schedule bad? was it just a lot of pressure or just a lot of writing at once?

Thank you so much for the question!

Oh no. I've done this a few times now, so I knew how much I needed to prepare beforehand. The fic was mostly finished when I began posting. I only needed to wrap up the final chapter and reread each chapter one final time before posting it each day.

My problem was that I didn't like my original chapter 6. And so I decided to overhaul the second half of chapter 6 after posting the second chapter. Then, chapter 7 no longer made sense, so I had to rewrite that one, too.

And to top if off, I suddenly didn't like the end of my original plot outline anymore (if you're wondering why Obi-Wan asks Anakin to go on a walk through the gardens in chapter 8, which is then never referenced again? That's the exact spot where the final plot divergence takes place).

This is also the reason, I needed an extra chapter 8 for this fic.

I didn't take full rewrites into account in my upload schedule. Or DAUNTLESS. I had vaguely pointed out I might skip a week, but I decided against that. Which put a lot of things on my plate. In real life, I've been working overtime, which cut into the writing time!

In Pursuit Of You couldn't wait, though. I wrote it partly to cheer someone up. And this couldn't wait. Moreover, I wasn't going to skip a chapter either after telling there would be daily updates.

I don't typically get the chance to talk about all the takes that don't make the final cuts. So, let me treat you to three times the plot changed drastically:

Chapter 6: Obi-Wan's reaction to Anakin's implicit love declaration. The part where Anakin and Obi-Wan meet with Windu and Yoda didn't exist in the first draft. They went to Ipsol IV immediately, and Obi-Wan kept a careful distance between them. I changed this because it made no sense. Moreover, it would put me in a corner. Any change to Obi-Wan's attitude would be too sudden.

Elder Winib and the Great Halls of Ipsol In the first draft, Obi-Wan and Anakin went to their chamber after the lunch. Elder Winib was a lousy male representative from the commerce guild instead. This introduced too much politics. So, I had to remove the world building, though I did refer to some life saplings etc. There's still a weird thing to this fic where there's just enough worldbuilding for Ipsol IV to make it feel imbalanced. A lot of information that no longer returns because I axed it (Anakin's affinity with droids). Anyway, the results was that I either had to skip the mission or change it. Since I still planned to write the garden scene and Obi-Wan being jealous with more forehead kisses, I couldn't skip it. So, now you get this weird middle ground where I likely would change it in hindsight. However, at the time, I was still determined to get back on track.

The gardens This is the final and most hilarious one. Obi-Wan was going to help Anakin get the representative/Elder Winib off his back by pretending to be spouses. While Anakin is in the gardens, Elder Winib would follow him. Since Anakin still has Obi-Wan's lightsaber, Obi-Wan would notice he was stressed and come to the rescue. And Obi-Wan would kiss him in the maze to fool Elder Winib (this was the originally planned M rated scene). However, as I wrote it, it felt too contrived. There's a limit to how presistent Elder Winib can be before it turns silly. And this fic is self-indulgent, but I still want it to make some sense. It just didn't flow smoothly. Moreover, I needed them to talk. So, Anakin joined Obi-Wan instead to make a love declaration (as Obi-Wan communicates with Anakin in terms Anakin can understand, Anakin has to do the same.) The main point, however, is that they would be in the gardens. And I have received some light complaints about people dying from second-hand embarrassment when Anakin and Obi-Wan get overly familiar in somewhat public spaces. And I wanted to spare the masses, so I put them back in their spaceship.

TL;DR: I really started rambling about unrelated matters, but basically the reason it was tough was due to me spontaneously deciding to rewrite a big chunk of the fic from scratch.

3 notes · View notes

violetnerves · 1 year ago

Text

The Rise and Fall of Jenny Hopkins, aged 15: Bully Genderbend Au/Rewrite. Chapter 1, Part 1:

So this is Part 1 of an au/rewrite I've been working on for a bit... And it ended up getting out of hand because I ended up hitting over 12000 words just for Chapter 1 alone.

As a result, I had to split Chapter 1 into 2 parts, and even after that, both parts ended up being over 6000 words. It seems like a lot to me personally, but maybe I'm wrong.

Anyway, here's a summary of the au:

In this Au/rewrite of Bully, Jimmy Hopkins is instead Jenny Hopkins, a 15 year old girl with a history of delinquent behavior. She exhibits some symptoms of Anti-Social personality disorder, even being diagnosed by a therapist with Conduct disorder.

The female cast has been expanded a bit, and some of the existing female members have been fleshed out a bit more, some of the male cast has been given some care too. As a rewrite some things have been changed about the Canon story, partly to fix a few plot holes and issues with the original that may have been caused by the original games rocky development history, though not to the point where it's unrecognizable since I do enjoy the game's original story, despite it's many faults.

Regardless, I hope you enjoy what I've written so far.

Part one of Chapter 1 starts under the divider. I'll also be posting the story on AO3, under the account: BlueEclipse7573

Total word count: 6565

Content warning for violence and strong language. If there's anymore I should list, please let me know!

'Here we go again'

I was laid back in the backseat of my stepfather's rental car, staring up at the roof. It felt as though we'd been driving for days, even though it'd been a 1 hour trip to Bullworth from the hotel at most.

"Jenny..." My mother spoke up, trying to get my attention after i'd decided to just ignore her for the whole trip. "...Please say something," her tone was aggravated at this point, annoyed that she was being given the silent treatment by her own daughter.

Yet again, I didn't want to bother with a response.

It's not like I wanted to be mean to my mom, but it was the nicest thing I figured I could do to protest against getting sent to yet another Boarding school while my mother ran off for the year with yet another one of her flings.

The silence, aside from the noise of the car, would continue on until my new step-father, who was old enough to be her mother's father, decided he was going to parent me despite the fact that I'd only known the old guy since last week, when we'd first me during my mom's wedding.

"Speak to your mother, Jane..."

*'Oh, please'*

"What? Who are you? Mom, this creepy old guy is talking to me, I think he might be one of those 'perverts' you've warned me about," I replied. Granted, the new guy - whatever his name was, mom went through men like one of those revolving doors you see in fancy and expensive hotels, so I never really bothered to catch his name - surprisingly hadn't been creepy around me, at least compared to the other men mom decided to have relations with.

Mom always did have shit taste in men.

Mom groaned, clearly being driven up the wall by my attitude at this point.

"Jenny, please be nice to your new step-father. He's not a 'pervert'."

I sat up.

"Yeah, you might be right, but he's not really doing himself any favors with the whole 'fat, old, and balding child molester' look he's got going on."

The old man sighed, and mom turned her head to look at me, her mouth twisting into a snarl. I wasn't phased, I was used to it at this point. The older woman looked like a clown with how overdone her makeup was, with her dark purple eyeshadow and lips covered in a cheap waxy red lipstick, and with a foundation that barely matched her actual skin color.

She looked so old and trashy with all that crap on her face.

"That's enough! I've had it with you, you little brat. All I want is a little peace and quiet with my new husband, and you insult him!" Mom wailed, setting a manicured hand on the old man's shoulder.

"Now look what you've done, you've upset your mother!" The old man growled. "I've got half-a-mind to beat you..."

I frowned, giving him a clear stink eye.

I knew it. Just another phony. Just like the others.

"I doubt you would, i'm sure you only do that kind of crap to the women dumb enough to marry you."

The two adults gasped.

"I can't believe you, you little monster! We'll deal with you when we get back from our honeymoon... next. year..."

Mom had left it at that, much to my relief.

Getting into arguments with mom never made me feel good, even if I did enjoy pissing off whatever awful man my old woman decided to bring into her, and therefore our lives. I didn't want our relationship to be so bad. She was my mom after all... So why couldn't she just act like it for once?

It was sooner rather than later when the car slowed to a stop, and I looked out toward the large, foreboding entrance to the school I'd be stuck in for an entire school year.

The entrance to the school was a large, old-fashioned, dull red and white stone archway, the red color clearly faded a bit with time and wear. Chipped into the stonework near the top of the structure were the words "BULLWORTH ACADEMY." The dark Iron gate doors were wide open, yet I couldn't help but think they looked the complete opposite of inviting. Like a fancy jail cell.

"Finally..." The old man sighed heavily with relief.

*'Yeah, feelings mutual you shriveled old bastard'*

"Here we are, young lady, Bullworth Academy, just the kind of place a girl like you needs."

I pushed open the car door, grabbing my purse on the way out. I didn't even bother to spare a glance at the two adults behind me in the car.

"Have fun, Jenny! I'll think of you from our cruise ship!"

Mom giggled in response to her new husband's goodbye, but all I could give was an eye roll in response.

"Whatever," I muttered, shutting the back car door behind me.

The car revved, and the vehicle left the property entirely. Against my better judgment, I turned and watched as it drove off the premises.

I couldn't help but wince, accidentally letting the hard, emotional barrier I'd built up over the years crack a little.

"Mom, why'd you marry that phony? What is wrong with you?" I asked no one but myself. A question that already had an answer, and one I'd asked so many times before.

Mom married that old fart for protection, for money, and just because she wanted to. Getting a good husband for herself and a good father never was a factor for her to consider, not with how much of a revolving door her love life was. I hadn't been a priority to her for the last 10 years. It was always going to be just *her* needs.

So what *wasn't* wrong with her?

"I can't believe this..." I said to no one. A lie, really. One I'd said way too many times.

And I'd probably keep saying it for as long as I lived.

I was so caught up in wondering why I still wanted to defend my mom from her own awful decisions that I hadn't noticed the clicking of heels against concrete slowly growing louder.

"You must be the Hopkins girl,"

I jumped and turned, taken aback.

"Huh? Where'd you come from?"

It was a woman who was doing a bad job of looking younger than she actually was. She wore a dark, long-sleeved dress shirt with a matching pencil skirt. Her hair was done up a bit, curled up into rolls at the ends. In general, the woman had a very... old-fashioned look to her, as if the act of stepping out of my stepfather's rental car had sent me back in time a few decades.

"We've been expecting you, welcome to Bullworth Academy... (sigh)," the well-dressed woman said, putting an odd emphasis on the word Bullworth as well as raising and dropping her arms in a slow, dramatic arc as she did.

*'So weird'* I let the thought hover a bit.

"I'm sure you'll be happy here, very happy indeed..." She shrugged, "Anyway, I can't spend my life waiting around for naughty little girls... I've got a *man* to make happy"

*'Yeesh, you already remind me of my mother. That can't be a good sign.'*

"The Headmaster is expecting you Hopkins, in his study,"

"Ok, I'll go see him then," I replied. I then immediately turned and walked in the opposite direction of the school.

"Oh no, no, no, his study is over *there* girl, in the main building?" The over dressed woman adruptly mentioned in a hasty manner. I frowned and turned back to the woman, who pointed a finger towards the largest building on campus.

"Right... my bad ma'am." I tugged on the strap of my purse, silently annoyed that I wasn't able to get away with fleeing and hiding out until the school year ended.

It's not like mom would've noticed if I'd done that anyway.

I walked in through the entrance to the campus, already feeling like a trapped animal despite the gates still being open.

"Don't keep Dr. Crabblesnitch waiting, he's a brilliant man... brilliant..."

The gates behind me closed, and along with it, my one chance at freedom.

The woman took off without me for some reason, and I was left to just look around the area.

In front and to my left and right were two other buildings, both two stories tall.

However, I was stopped in my tracks by a group of three male students, all of whom seemed to be lacking the sweater vests that they should have been wearing. Their dress shirts weren't tucked in and instead left to hang out. They weren't even wearing slacks either. Instead, they all wore denim jeans for pants. Were they even following the dress code for this place?

They crowded around the middle of the two routes to what I could see were the two dorms, separated by gender.

It seemed they immediately noticed me as well, eyeing me down as fresh meat, clearly noticing I wasn't wearing the uniform.

Well, things were already off to a good start. I was still near the frigging entrance!

That *had* to have been a record.

The one in front, a white blond with a pimple problem, but an oddly charming smile approached me. The two behind the blond were backing him up, a dark-skinned black guy with a rather enthusiastic tone of voice yelling excitedly at the blond to "put the new kid in an armbar" and another white guy, except he had brown hair, as well as slightly tanned with a slingshot sticking out of his front pocket. He was quietly looking over the situation, It's like he was scheming hard about something, and I had a feeling it couldn't be anything good.

I was short, even for a girl, standing at barely 4'10. So despite the blond probably being average height for a guy his age, that still meant he had the height advantage. Same for the other two guys, who were a bit shorter than the blond but still obviously taller than me.

But that didn't mean much, in my opinion. I always felt the saying, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall" was accurate for a reason.

And if he didn't want to back off, "blondie" here was going to learn why pretty damn quick.

"Hey, new girl, a pretty face like mine is expensive to care for... How about a little dono to help keep it lookin' good?" He stuck out a slightly calloused hand, palm up and in my face. The other two boys behind him chuckled as if the whole thing was just a practical joke to them. One that "I" was the butt of.

I spared a glance at his open hand and then up to the face of the boy it belonged to.

"Wash your face first fucko. You've got the little dipper growing out of your forehead," I mocked, hissing the sentence out spitefully and glaring up at the taller boy. The grip on my purse tightened a bit.

My response made the blond drop his smile. I was white-knuckling the purse strap at that point.

"Eh! Wrong answer!" the blond reached for my bag.

Friggin' idiot.

Before he could react, I grabbed the arm that was reaching out for my bag, tugging him forward. I drew my head back and slammed it on his jaw, sending him falling back as I let go of his arm.

The two boys behind him yelled something out - a name, "Trent" or something - but before they could retaliate against me, I ducked away and sprinted off in the direction of the main building.

On the way, I bumped into a few students, earning a few insults and curses thrown my way. Luck was on my side, though, as a student exited the school building just as I neared the main door. I ran in while the door was still open, and it slammed shut behind me. I let out a breath, stepping forward into the large room.

A few students had taken notice of my adrupt arrival, but only for a few seconds, because they quickly went back to their daily routines just as soon as they had stopped.

*'...I guess that could've gone worse...'* I thought, heading up the stairs and into Dr. Crabblesnitch's office.

The first room I entered into was weirdly dark, with the only bit of light coming from the ceiling of the other room, which looked to be Crabblesnitch's main office. I took a few steps inside until I was in the other room, catching Crabblesnitch's attention soon after.

The light above turned out to be a skylight set into the ceiling, illuminating the room in the sun's natural yellow glow. There wasn't any sign of artificial light in the entire room, which... gave me a few thoughts, the first being of how cool it'd be to take pictures in here. The second thought was of how comforting this place should feel... yet I couldn't help but feel so uncomfortable and tense. That clearly wasn't a good sign.

"Ah, yes, so you must be Miss Hopkins," the older man said, gesturing for me to take a seat on one of the chairs lined up right in front of his desk.

I sighed.

"Uh huh," I said, hoping to get out of this room as soon as possible.

Crabblesnitch's brow furrowed, clearly annoyed with my overtly informal reply.

"What? 'Uh huh', what?"

I grumbled quietly.

"...I meant 'yes sir'..."

"Very good, now let me see..."

I sat down as Dr. Crabblesnitch brought out a folder nearly bursting with papers, which were the documentation of my record from the last 7 schools I'd attended along with some police reports. I thought it was impressive how thick the folder was. Anyone else probably - rightfully so maybe - might've felt a bit of shame looking at it... but not me. You couldn't pay me to care really.

So it wasn't surprising that the papers pretty much smothered Crabblesnitch's desk, covering the fine maple in a sea of white. As well as some red and black, due to the pen ink on the papers.

Crabblesnitch feigned a gasp, dragging his finger over multiple spots on different papers.

"My, my, Miss Hopkins, you've done a lot of naughty things, haven't you? Vandalism, graffiti, bad language, violent conduct, disrespecting staff, a shoplifting charge, and is that..." He motioned to a particularly large bit of red writing. "Arson? Oh, I'm absolutely terrified of *you* Miss Hopkins!" Dr. Crabblesnitch concluded, feigning fear much like that gasp from earlier.

"Aw c'mon, give me a break. That last one was an accident..."

Aside from everything else. Arson was probably the one I *hadn't* meant to do, oddly enough.

Crabblesnitch didn't appear convinced.

"Regardless, I don't think I've ever met a girl like you, never in all my years! You must be the rudest little girl I've ever encountered!" He lowered himself down to meet me eye-to-eye. "Tell me, Jane, why should I waste my precious time on *you*?"

I shrugged in response.

"I dunno."

Dr. Crabblesnitch stood up straight.

"Because it's my calling! It's what I do!" The older man pointed at Jenny. "*You* excel at causing trouble..." He gestured to himself. "And while my expertise is in fixing little boys rather than little girls, I'm sure my methods could work on someone 'butch' such as you, eventually you'll be the respectable young woman that you're meant to be! I have a good feeling about you, Miss Hopkins, I'm sure you and I could grow to be great friends..."

*'Sure, whatever you say.'* was my first thought. Okay, not really. My first thought was actually: *'Did he just call me 'butch'? What does that even mean? That's a name, isn't it?'*

Regardless, I was able to see through this guy like glass. I was sure the Dr's definition of a "respectable woman" was probably a few decades passed.

I was starting to see a pattern...

"Now, you keep that nose clean girl, or I'll scrub it raw myself if I have to!" He turned to the open door of his office. The clacking of heels caught my attention, so I turned to look as well. The lady who'd met up with me and abandoned me at the gate earlier strutted through the door, a serving tray with a tea kettle and a matching tea cup set in her hands. "Ms. Danvers?"

"Yes, Headmaster, and I've got your tea..."

"You are good to me, Ms. Danvers"

"No more than you deserve... Headmaster," Ms. Danvers said demurely, setting the tray down on a nearby table.

*'Ugh, i'm gonna hurl. Might get me in trouble, but that's better than whatever i'm sitting through right now.'* I shifted in my seat a bit, looking away.

"Ms. Danvers, would you kindly take our new friend Miss Hopkins here to the girl's dorm so she can be properly attired?"

"Certainly Headmaster," Ms. Danvers turned in my direction. As she did, her expression instantly changed from pleased to something akin to a disgusted sneer. Like she was addressing a bug she'd accidentally stepped on. "Come along, girl. I haven't got all day,"

I stood up, but before I could finally leave, Crabblesnitch addressed me one last time.

"And remember, young lady, you will have a clean nose, so keep it clean; or we'll do it for you."

As I left Crabblesnitch's office, I pondered at my current situation.

*'So, here I am at the worst school in the country, whose alumi are nothing but arms dealers, serial killers, and corporate lawyers. Real scum. And that out-of-touch old creep thinks he can tame me? We shall see my friend, I only give people what they have coming to them'*

Oh, that's good, that's something I'll have to remember to write into my diary later. I stuffed it in my suitcase for safe keeping, which was *hopefully* put into my dorm room.

Ms. Danvers and I stepped back into the school's main office.

"Go, run along to the Girl's dorm, young Hopkins, i'm far too busy to deal with you." Ms. Danvers abruptly said, much to my confusion and a little bit of anger..

"Weren't you supposed to take me there? Like Dr. Crabblesnitch told you to do?" My mind thought back to those boys from earlier. I didn't doubt that they would try to harass me again, especially after what I'd done to their buddy.

"The girl's dorm is the first building to your right when you enter the school. I'm sure you can find it on your own. You'll have plenty of time to get unpacked as your schedule is still being set up due to your mother's inability to send in your admission slip on time. Now, get a move on, little miss." Ms. Danvers replied, pretty much ignoring the question.

Well, there went my security.

I struggled not to flip off Ms. Danvers on my way out as I left the building. On my way out I saw a group of well dressed guys who all simultaneously radiated an air of smug get into a fight with what I could only guess were a few background characters from the movie Grease.

What the hell was wrong with this place?!

*'Just gotta get to the Girl's dorm, and I can keep my head down till lunch. Seems like a solid enough plan to me.'* it wasn't like I had classes to go to, at least not until tomorrow, or, if I was lucky, the day after maybe; Until then, just keeping a low profile was the best option.

As I made my way down the steps, I noticed two of the bullies from earlier walking my way, the karate obsessed one and slingshot kid. Without hesistation, I began speed walking back to the large circle walkway near the entrance, the middle area separating the two dorms. In my haste, I figured going right was correct, going off of memory of what Ms. Danvers had told me minutes earlier. I mean, shoot, my memory couldn't have been that bad, could it?

*'Ms. Danvers said something about going right, so i'm going right. Screw it'*

It was only when I reached the front of the building that I realized I'd fucked up my directions. I could clearly make out the words, 'BOY'S DORM' above the entrance to the building.

The blond, Trent *if* my memory was correct - considering how I ended up here, I was justified in having my doubts - who had tried to shake me down for money earlier stood in front of the steps leading to the dorm's entrance. His lower lip was swollen and turning a nasty shade of red and purple. He was joined alongside two redheads - auburn on the right and maroonish in front of the two - dressed similarly to him on the stairs leading up to the Boy's Dorm.

"It's her! That's the new girl who did it, Wade! I'm gonna end up relegated to backstage duty for my next play because of her!" Trent motioned at me, then to his throbbing, already starting to redden lower lip as he addressed the leading redhead.

"YOU'RE GONNA GET IT WWIIMMMPPP" the other red haired boy to the left practically shouted out. I wasn't sure if the guy lacked an inside voice or if he was just *really* that mad about what I'd done to his buddie's lip.

"You're dead, new kid, DEAD!" The redhead who'd been referred to as "Wade" shouted, making his way down the steps with his fists up and at the ready.

I backed away and turned, ready to sprint away again. Instead, I found that there were 4 other people behind me. There were the two other boys from earlier, the karate kid and Slingshot blocking off the entrance along with a black haired boy with a hell of a black eye on his right eye in the middle of them, though he looked a bit nervous. I knew he was with them, though, with how similarly he was dressed, with the white school button up with jeans look.

Then there was the last member, and she probably stood out the most, even though she was clearly with them given her outfit. She was a blonde, like Trent; and while that probably didn't necessarily mean they were related, the way she smiled certainly matched the same one he'd had earlier. She had those... weird emo kid hairstrips, the ones with jagged purple and black stripes. Her button-up shirt was open, and under it was a black spaghetti strap undershirt.

Her makeup was all fucked up, streaks of eyeliner haphazardly swiped under her eyes onto her cheeks as well as on her lips, which had some purple lipstick on peeking out from underneath all the mess. It was like she'd done her makeup while she was in the middle of a mental breakdown, just swiping and swiping until she'd finally felt satisfied.

She wore striped arm warmers and even though she wore jeans to match with the other boys, they were noticeably ripped to the point where the right pant leg was just gone, cut off to probably the beginning of her thigh. Underneath that was a pair of thigh-high socks, similar in color to her hair strips and arm warmers. Her shoes were a pair of Chuck Taylor shoes, yet again, the same color scheme to the aforementioned other articles of clothing she had.

She still had the school issued skirt and tie, but even she'd managed to put her own... unique touch on how she'd worn them. The skirt was tattered, not really exposing anything since she wore jeans, but I was surprised she was bold enough to just wear them destroyed like that. Then there was the way she wore the tie, which had me all kinds of confused. She had it in her hair, using it as a hair tie to pull some of her long hair into a side ponytail.

It was kind of difficult not to notice and point out all the oddities of her outfit. It was just... all out there.

She held up a video camera and pointed it at me. Great, so she thinks she's gonna record me getting my ass kicked? Nice, real nice. What a goddamn joke. I was just gonna be a part of something her and her buddies would laugh at later.

"Yeah! Get her! Get the new kid!" the karate obsessed boy jeered.

*'Damn it, mom, why'd it have to be this school?'* I thought as Wade began to get closer and closer.

"You jerks are really pissing me off! That's not something you wanna do, I'm only gonna tell you once! Screw off!" I carried myself and threatened him in the most intimidating way I could. A part of me knew it wouldn't work, though. It rarely ever did.

It wasn't fair. People always just had to pick on me, and for what? For what goddamn reason?! Why was I some kind of target for people to pick on?!

"A bit late for that bitch! Now put up or shut up and i'll beat your ass!"

I grabbed at the strap of my purse, letting it slip off my shoulder and fall to the ground.

What right did these jerks have to push me around? What dumb justification did they have? It was probably some bullshit about them being sad or something, as if that gave them any right...

I scowled, stepping forward towards the taller red-head.

Well, no more. These guys were clearly asking for it, so they were going to get *exactly* what was coming to them. I'd make damn sure of it.

I didn't notice the growing crowd forming behind the bullies blocking my only exit. Mainly students lured by all the commotion going on. I hardly heard the yipping and yelling of the crowd, my anger and frustration causing it all to merge together into some incomprehensible mish-mash of sound.

Wade took a step toward me, getting within a distance where he could hit me; instead, my fist cracked against his face, and the sound of my knuckle hitting spongy skin made an unpleasant sound. The force caused Wade to stumble back. His body barely turned 180 degrees before he fell back. His body hit the stone ground, and, for a moment, it all went quiet aside for the sound of me exhaling angrily.

Trent and Troy looked down at Wade's knocked out body in surprise, then looked up at me. It wasn't long until Trent blurted something out.

"Grab her Ethan!"

Behind me, Ethan grabbed at my arms, clearly trying to restrain me, but I realized he wasn't that much taller than me, so I retaliated by headbutting him. I whipped around, realizing that it was the Kung-fu kid from earlier. I threw a hard punch at his gut, and it was enough to double him over.

With my back turned, Trent took the opportunity to grab what little hair I had on my head and yank me back, followed by him pinning my arms while Troy prepared to punch me in the face.

Bad idea.

I ducked at the last second, and instead of Troy's fist hitting me, he'd accidentally socked Trent in the jaw instead.

"OH NO, I DIDN'T MEAN TO-"

Trent let go of me, and I kneed Troy in the crotch. Returning the favor, my fist met the middle of Troy's face. I got a bit of a thrill as I felt some of the bones of his nose crack from the force. He screamed and fell over, his nose already gushing.

I backed away, now facing the rest of the jerks who were stupid enough to mess with me.

2 down... 3 more to go. Trent, black eye kid, and Slingshot.

The three came at me all at once. Black eye kid tried grabbing for me.

"Nobody beats on Tom's frie-AaagGGGHHhhh!"

I kicked the kid, whose name was Tom, apparently, hard in the groin. I slammed my head on the left side of his face, subconsciously hoping to give him another black eye just for being stupid enough to grab me.

Slingshot grabbed me, and I took Tom and shoved him at Slingshot, causing the both of them to topple over. Slingshot kid hit the ground rather hard, and with the weight of Tom, he was knocked out.

Then there were just two, me and Trent.

He caught me off guard. Trent threw a punch at my face, and it connected. I stumbled back, and he hit again. That time it was a kick to my gut.

I found myself stumbling back a bit, but rather than that screwing me over, instead I ducked his punches. Trent was a lot taller than me, and I knew an easy way to use that against him.

I backed off, ducking to avoid both his punches and kicks. This only agitated him further, and he tried to get closer.

Before he knew what I was doing, I charged at him. I ducked, wrapping my arms around his waist and tackling him to the ground. He couldn't even act, freezing up as I laid punches on his face and chest. I was nearly out of breath by the time I was done.

Eventually, Trent stopped resisting altogether, head lolling to the side as the only sound he made was some pained groans.

I stood up, and only then did I notice the crowd blocking the entrance.

Every single one of them was shocked, and for a moment, their reactions had me a bit giddy. Especially the other Bully girl who was dressed weird, who was still filming *everything.* She appeared as if she wasn't sure if she should still film everything or not.

I was tempted to laugh until I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Y-You! Bitch! Once I'm- I'm done with you! You'll be drinking from a straw!"

Behind me, Wade yelled, and I turned around just as he swung for my face clumsily, as if my earlier punch still had him a bit dazed. I grabbed his arm, forcing him to turn.

A smirk crossed my face knowing what I was about to do.

With Wade's back to me, I grabbed his jeans and gave him a wedgie, causing him to squeal in a high pitch. I kicked him in the lower back for good measure, and the combination of the kick and his dazed state caused Wade to lose his balance, and just like when I'd slugged him in the face earlier, he fell and knocked himself out on the concrete.

And then it was all over.

I turned to Trent, and just to rub salt in the wound, I snorted and spat a wad of snot and spit on him.

"That's what happens when you screw with Jenny Hopkins! Who's your momma! Yeah!" I raised a fist to the air in triumph. Sure, my face kinda hurt and I was sure it'd bruise like hell, but hey! Things were actually going my way for once! I totally taught those jerks a lesson!

The crowd at the entrance began murmuring, and while I didn't catch what everyone was saying, one sentence stood out to me for whatever reason.

"Wow, what an idiot. Russell isn't going to like this." One of the more snobbish, uptight voices in the crowd spoke, giving me pause.

I waved it off, and spat back.

"Pft, who's Russell? I'll kick his ass too!" I said proudly. I'd already beaten all these guys. How could another dude be any more trouble?

My newfound confidence proved to be short-lived, however, as I began to feel the earth shake from beneath me.

An Earthquake? In New England?

No, that couldn't have been it, did they even have earthquakes in New England? What else could it be?

Whatever it was, it couldn't have been anything good, judging by how the crowd that surrounded the entrance to the Boy's Dorm just seconds earlier seemingly vanished without a trace, including the weirdly dressed girl.

A loud, ear shattering bang of wood hitting stone sounded behind me.

I twirled around, my usual squinted eyes now wide open in *bafflement* at the sight of the possible missing link in human evolution that she'd kept hearing about from those Bigfoot hunting shows.

At the top of the steps to the Boy's Dorm, an overly large ogre of a - Adult? Teen? I couldn't tell - student, judging by the uniform, stood as tall as he was wide, his frame taking up the entirety of the double door frame. He took one look at me, and then the group of boys laying prone on the concrete.

If this was a cartoon, I was sure there'd be steam pouring out of his ears. His face was redder than a chili pepper from rage.

He yelled, literally roaring as if he was some kind of beast instead of a man... boy...

...Whatever...

"YOU'RE DEAD, NEW KID! DEAD! ROAARRR!"

*'Fuck my life.'*

The brown haired beast rushed toward me, and for the first time in forever, I was stuck in place and couldn't move.

His fist met my face, nearly knocking me off balance. I felt a hot fluid spray out of my nose from the hit, and my hands clasped my nose immediately after, coming back colored in a dark red that contrasted heavily with the light freckled skin of my hands.

I yelped, stepping back as the beast roared again and beat his chest like a goddamn gorilla. Before he could unleash another blow, however, a voice I didn't recognize yelled from behind me.

"Russell! Russell, no sir! Back off of that girl at once!"

I turned and saw as a thin, young adult woman with yellowish blonde hair ran towards Russel and I, getting in between the two of us. She started grabbing at my shoulders firmly as a way to get ahold of me and away from the much bigger boy in front of us.

My nose blood trailed down my mouth, and I tasted copper - A taste I was all too familiar with - as I looked to the woman who was now focused on Russell.

"That'll be enough of that young man! I know your mother taught you better than to lay your hands on a fellow student like that!" The woman who couldn't have been that much older than me barked to the boy who towered over her. The over developed brute didn't give much of a reaction. In fact, it didn't seem like the kid even had much of anything going on upstairs.

Yet he complied, stomping back into the Boy's Dorm, like a well-fed bear returning to its cave to hibernate for the winter.

I sniffed, looking up at the woman.

A teacher that actually gave a shit for once? It was like I'd found a 4-leaf clover... or something like that.

When the woman turned to me, her face looked like she'd been on the verge of bursting into tears at any moment. Yet when she spoke again, her voice was weak and quiet, but not really wobbly like you'd usually notice from somebody about to cry.

"Oh dear... Your nose is bleeding... I really ought to take you to see the nurse for that, it could be broken..." She pointed at the main school building, to the left door next to the main entrance. "The nurse's office is just right there."

I shook my head.

"N-no, it's fine. I know what a broken nose feels like and what I've got... isn't it." I said, blowing my nose and feeling a bit of blood ooze out. To say I was familiar with having my nose broken would be like asking me if I was familiar with eating. Or breathing. "I just need a napkin or tissue, whichever one I can get a hold of."

The lady still looked a bit worried, but she didn't hesitate to dig into the satchel she had hung on her shoulder. She brought out a small pack of tissues sealed in a plastic wrapping, opening it and offering some of them to me.

"Here, you ought to make your way into the Girl's dorm. It's the building just over there. Mrs. Peabody is inside, and she'll make sure you're taken good care of. She looks after the girls here in Bullworth Academy."

She stuffed the remaining tissues back in her satchel as I tore and stuffed the pieces of it up my nostrils to block the blood flow. I felt and looked dumb, but that was better than getting blood everywhere.

Begrudgingly, I thanked the blonde woman, and in response, she gave me a smile. It was... rather nice. But I didn't give much of a response other than a nod. Adults tended to be two-faced and phony, and for all I knew, this was just gonna be something temporary.

"Oh no need to thank me, miss, I'm just doing my job." she gave me a pat on the back, which simultaneously felt a bit patronizing... but also kinda nice.

Huh, it looked like she really was just a nice lady. At least something was going good for me today.

"My name is Dr. Lamb, i'm Mrs. Peabody's aid as well as the school's guidance counselor. We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other from now on," Dr. Lamb looked around at the bullies who were currently writhing around in pain on the ground. I noticed she had a frown on her face, which made sense given what she had to deal with now... thanks to me no less.

"Go ahead and get yourself settled over in the Girl's Dorm. Mrs. Peabody might be a little strict, but she genuinely does care for the well-being of all the girls here in the Academy. I'll just take these boys over to Nurse McCrae."

I looked around and only then really took in the carnage I'd caused. Trent, Wade, and the rest of their buddies were sprawled out all around us. At least two of them had a bloody nose, and the kid with the thick Brooklyn accent had a tooth knocked out and a small trickle of blood trailing down his lips. Yeesh, I might've headbutted him harder than I thought. Wade's underwear peaked out of the back of his pants as he laid face down, clearly stretched out from the wedgie I'd given him.

I felt like grinning, but I felt that'd probably upset Dr. Lamb. She'd already been so nice to me, fucking up her opinion of me by being my typical snarky bitch self would suck.

"Yeah, I'll just get going... Thanks Dr. Lamb..."

I looked to the Girl's Dorm, only to notice her, the girl from before who'd been recording everything, running back to the scene. I'd been prepared to beat her ass like I'd done to her friends when she just bumped into me, running past *without* apologizing and yelling:

"Guys! Don't worry, I've got my healing crystals!"

A chorus of groans came from the boys lying down, and I stifled a laugh before making my way to the Girl's dorm properly.

11 notes · View notes

jenanigans1207 · 1 year ago

Note

Hi, i was wondering if you have any advice for a first time smut writer? Especially when the writer doesn't even have experience kissing?

I've had an idea for a bonus nsfw chapter for my long term GO wip, and over the months, I have created a detailed account of what will happen with dialogue in my head. But I'm worried that only reading NSFW fics will not be enough to help write it well.

I would ask in a discord server, but may end up gifting it to a friend, and they're in all my servers 😅 Getting advice there might ruin the whole "surprise! I've written a sexy fic!" if I do end up gifting it.

Hi!! Oh man, I don’t know how much help I’m going to be, but I’ll sure try!

I think the biggest thing I can say, and I genuinely can’t stress this enough: you’re going to feel awkward as hell the first time you write smut. To this day I still feel super awkward when I write smut, like I need to look over my shoulder in case someone is looking at my computer screen or this happens to be the moment I’m finally proven right that mind-readers exist and one is reading the smut straight from my brain. So if you feel that way when you write it, don’t panic! It’s not a sign that you aren’t meant to be writing it or that you’re doing a bad job writing it!

My second biggest piece of advice is to remember that this is part of a larger fic. And I hope this makes sense when I say this! It’s not just smut that you’re writing, it’s a natural progression of the dynamic that you’ve been building up for all those chapters. By now you have the character voices and personalities in your head— trust those! Lean into it a little, let them take the lead a bit. If you don’t end up liking how something is written, you can always rewrite it! (Though I will always advocate for simply pasting what you’re getting rid of in another doc instead of outright deleting it just to be safe!)

Third: remember that they’re people. Whether it’s an au where they’re human or they’re still celestial beings, the boys are disastrous idiots at the best of times (that’s why we love them). So don’t be afraid to let it be awkward or uncoordinated sometimes. If you feel like one of them doesn’t know what they’re doing, okay! A lot of us don’t!! And depending on the scenario you’ve put them in, maybe one of them hasn’t ever kissed before either, which allows you to lean into it a little and hopefully make it more comfortable! The point is, nothing is ever perfect. It’s messy, it’s full of emotions, and it’s usually clumsy and heartfelt and it’s okay to write it that way!

If you don’t have a deadline or need to post/send to your friend right away, I recommend taking a few days away from it and reading it again. It’s hard to look at anything you write objectively when you’ve been so close to it for so long. Taking a step away and coming back gives you a better chance of seeing the story the way your readers will— and I guarantee you that you’ll think it’s even better than you remember it being. Even if you thought it was the best thing you ever wrote, you’ll love it more when you are able to look at it a little more objectively! If you can’t take the time away, totally fair. Find someone you trust, someone who knows the rest of your fic so they have the whole story, and ask them to read it.

If you get stuck, and you have someone you trust enough, you can do what I do with my writing friends which is playing Questions! You talk a little about where you’re stuck at in the plot and they just ask you any question that comes to mind. Not always huge, plot-relevant questions, but questions about how a character feels, or how an outside character would respond, etc. and in working out the answers to those questions, I think you’ll find the bits of plot that you’re looking for! It’s always been a huge help to me, and it’s tons of fun!

Oh, and lastly— I think it’s absolutely phenomenal that you wrote an outline of everything! I’ve never been great at plotting or outlines so I’m jealous. But remember not to hold yourself too rigidly to the outline. If you forget something or veer off of where you intended to go for a bit but you like the outcome, don’t beat yourself up over it! Like I said before, you can always rewrite something you don’t like.

So I guess my biggest piece of advice is don’t take it too seriously and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. It’s still writing and it’s a natural progression of a story you’ve already spent all this time telling. You know how the story goes, you know how the characters act, you got this!!!

I don’t know if this ended up being helpful at all, but I hope it is! It’s lovely that you’re doing this for your friend and I’m sure they’re going to adore it!!!

#writing advice #if I’m qualified to be giving writing advice anyway

10 notes · View notes

atdwarriorsau · 6 months ago

Text

Allegiances changes

See the visual allegiances, or the first chapter of the fic, and you might notice, even though tpb is canon, there are some changes from the end of the darkest hour to DAWN.

I will make a post soon explaining how tpb being canon works with AtD, but basically: Everything done and said in The Prophecies Begin is canon to AtD. Exceptions are family trees, and ages/timelines. The prequels are free game for rewriting EXCEPT anything SAID about the past in TPB. Example, what Bluestar says about her backstory in TPB, I HAVE to keep the same, ie her halfclan kits and her rise to deputyship. ANYTHING ELSE is free game.

There are a few things I did change, excluding family trees and ages. These are Name changes, New/reworked characters, and Character changes. There aren't really any new/reworked character changes until later arcs.

Name Changes:

SHADOWCLAN

Plumwish; see Character Changes

Batwing; original name Nightwing, didn't want too many characters with the same prefix as pov characters, felt Bat- suited her character better

Brickflame; see Character Changes (this is Brick from BC)

RIVERCLAN

Stormbranch; I ALWAYS confuse this guy and Stonefur (similar backstories, similar families, related, close names), I don't like Stormfur as a name sorry, Stormbranch fits his personality AND fits story plot reasons, plus I like -branch and wish it could be used more in better names, PLUS reference to Crookedstar : )

WINDCLAN

Yewclaw; original name Willowclaw, too many Willow- names and it did NOT suit her at all

Crowice; original name Crowfeather, journey has not happened yet so no reason to be named -feather, I wanted something cold to suit his personality, but Crowfrost was already taken in Shadowclan by a semi-important guy, it's hard to work with -ice but I really like Crowice as a name, it's snappy

Character Changes:

THUNDERCLAN

OKAY. SO. I AM A GREYSTRIPE HATER! I HATE THAT STUPID CAT! I AM A HATER! Whitestorm told Firestar to pick a worthy deputy and this mf picks Greystripe? GREYSTRIPE?! The LEAST deserving cat in the entire clan!! ANY cat would've been better! Pick a kit or an elder and they would have been BETTER! Greystripe DID NOT train Brackenpaw (who still hates him)! HE WAS A SHIT FRIEND! THIS MF SO ANNOYING I HATE HIM! I WANT THAT TWINK DEAD!

...

so uhhhhhhhh anywayyy. I am not letting that travesty fly. I had three choices, Longtail, Sandstorm and Goldenflower, for deputy. I went with GF because I've seen a good few GF deputy/leader aus. I think (one of) Tigerclaw's wives should have more screen time. Also having Brambie's mom be deputy fits some story stuff : )

Due to how I do ages, Frostfur and Willowpelt are too young to be elders

Bramblepaw is Sandstorm's apprentice instead of Firestar's. This doesn't really change anything in the story. Firestar had THREE apprentices real close together, and Sandstorm deserved an apprentice much earlier

Shrewpaw is now Goldenflower's apprentice for plot-ish reasons, and Sootpaw is Brackenfur's apprentice since he couldn't finish Tawnypaw's training

SHADOWCLAN

Shadowclan needs a BIG buff in cats

Deputy Tallpoppy for plot reasons. You might notice how young she is. That is not a mistake : )

Runningnose is not old enough to be an elder

Applefern and Toadfoot (originally the journey kits) have been shifted up in age to fill Shadowclan

RIVERCLAN

Misty ain't deputy

The elders aren't old old enough to be deputy, etc etc

WINDCLAN

Another clan to buff up...

Morningflower is WAY to young to be retired

OTHER CATS

The 'other cats' section is interesting because even if you don't see them in the whole book, you just list the cats who live in the surrounding area

Hence Sasha : )

Hence not Purdy 'cause he lives too far away

#atd #warrior cats au #warrior cats rewrite #wc au #wc rewrite #atd information #atd lore

3 notes · View notes

haytertime · 2 years ago

Note

hi. sorry. i saw you posted about jamie riho bodyguard fic a few days ago. i would love to learn more. have you ever shared a snippet or anything??? how is the fic doing 🥺

hello! i'm still working on it, i've actually been working on it today rearranging and rewriting some of the first chapter. it's gonna be 2 chapters, fantasy setting with royalty!riho and bodyguard!jamie (tho she does not start out as one... you will see (: ). gonna be heavy on devotion and yearning... i posted a rlly small snippet like a week or 2 ago as a random post but here is another one <3 note: jamie isn't her personal guard as of yet in this scene

In the end, it’s Jamie who gets the final pin. Riho is flat on her stomach with Jamie sitting on top of her, her arms held tightly together behind her back and her legs unable to bend so Riho can’t bring herself to her knees and get leverage like she usually does. “Tap, tap,” she grits out as best she can with her face squished against the grass. She hears Jamie chuckle above her and then release her arms, though staying on top of her back. With the fight done now, both girls take a moment to just be still and catch their breath. When the pressure on her back from Jamie gets to be too much, Riho shifts and turns around so that she’s on her back now and Jamie is straddling her lap. Riho holds up a hand and brings her pointer finger right next to her thumb. “I was this close to beating you, you know.” Jamie rolls her eyes at that, but Riho can see the edge of her mouth tug upwards in an amused smile. “Were you now, huh?” “Mhm,” Riho nods to continue the bit, and Jamie just smiles and continues to look downwards at her, her breathing finally settling back to normal. Suddenly, Jamie’s face changes to something more serious, and she opens her mouth like she’s going to speak. She doesn’t. Instead, she clears her throat and shoots up quickly from her position on Riho’s lap, offering her hand down to Riho. She takes it and tries not to think about how this might be the last time she has Jamie’s firm, calloused hand in hers as she’s hauled up. She gets to her feet, but Jamie retains her hold on her hand. She shifts her grip so she’s now holding Riho’s hand in a handshake and tightens her grip. When Riho furrows her eyebrows at her, Jamie moves their hands up and down together. “Thank you,” Jamie says by way of explanation, but it’s all she needs to say because Riho understands; understands today was something special for Jamie that had been building and building between the two of them and that this would be a day both would look back on as one of the best they ever had. She understands that this was Jamie’s way of saying goodbye. But Riho isn’t ready for this to be the last time they see each other. “My carriage comes to pick me up at noon tomorrow,” she tells Jamie, hoping she’ll understand now what Riho is trying to say to her. Jamie nods as they begin walking together. “I’ll be there,” she promises.

#ask #ty for the message <3 love to talk abt rihojamie always

8 notes · View notes

teruthecreator · 2 years ago

Note

As someone who started reading Side Quest based on the fanart I saw and was blissfully ignorant to most of the problems you pointed out, I just wanted to thank you for your post. The thing that stuck out to me while reading that fic was the entire Toichiro rewriting. Every interaction he had made me so angry while reading and looking back I think a big part of that has to do with how out of character he's been. I had been partway through chapter 11 when I stumbled upon your post and decided to finish it through that new perspective. Tbh, I don't even think I would have needed it to ask myself wtf was going on because once it hit Reigen encountering Toichiro in the tower Toichiro instantly starts calling Reigen a slut. This chapter was already kinda slow compared to the rest because it was just a retelling of what happens in the episodes, and what was interesting about this fic when I first read it was the new scenes that were added, but simply adding unnecessary comments to a known scene and focusing on how Reigen doesn't have sex and doesn't know where he got these accusations from was very off-putting.

As for everything else, aside from not having dealt with anything like that and not immediately noticing how things were worded, I want to say I likely chalked it up to plot. I think I read a lot of things passively just to see what people write about without thinking too much about how they're writing about it. And maybe that's a flaw on my end, just being bored and randomly throwing a dart on a dartboard to consume more media regardless of what it is (mostly, I do have limits).

But I do agree that the author should be more ridged with her tags. I've written fics before and I always try to include every little things I can think of in the tags, even if that might get me less views or "spoil the story" because I'd rather everyone know what they're getting into instead of them getting surprised by it. When I first started reading I was surprised to see that it was labeled "explicit" even though none of the tags clued me into why it was written like that, unless the grooming was more intense than what my baseline thoughts on grooming are, but if said grooming does lead to anything more then it should be tagged as such.

Another thing that has been bothering me about this has been the fact that since chapter 9, the author has mentioned that "there is a fairly explicit scene, marked by <3... it's not just porn... etc." I can somewhat understand not fully tagging an unfinished work, since in my experience I didn't think I'd post a second part to one or I started posting without having the entire story fully fleshed out so things take a different direction than what I originally expected, but I always go back and make sure the tags are fully updated every time I post. The fact that this was mentioned and then nothing in the tags were updated was kind of strange. I skimmed through chapter 12 since it was posted yesterday to see if this scene was finally going to be put it, and low and behold I did see the <3. There's something about continuously reminding people to watch out for the explicit sign each chapter and then it not appearing until 4 chapters later. What's the point of unnecessarily making your reader expect this to show up after every paragraph they read only for it to be 40k or however many words away. Personally, I'd understand warning of this the chapter before it happens and the chapter of (or, you know, in the tags as well), but that far away feels like you're trying to string the readers who want to get to that scene along and just scaring those who are ready to skip it. I haven't read it so I can't say what the scene is about and how fair this warning is, but again being surprised about the fact that this fic has an explicit scene somewhere is something readers shouldn't have to deal with if tagged properly.

This turned out to be a way bigger reply than I originally intended, but if you'd like a few more screenshots to add to your collection here's all of the out of pocket Toichiro replies:

first off, you rlly don't need to thank me for that post, but i appreciate it anyway :-) its something thats been on my mind for a while, and with its rapid popularity i was simply confused how people weren't seeing what i was seeing. i do wanna say that nobody should feel bad/guilty for reading this or liking it without seeing the content i mentioned. as i mentioned at the end of that post, people's personal experiences will inform how they consume media and what blindspots they may have, and i'm certainly not here to judge anyone for that. i Am happy to hear that someone who had been reading the fic was able to hear my criticism and consume the fic in a new light, so thank You for sending this ask!

you brought up a topic that i wanted to touch on but didn't rlly have room on the other post, but yeah toichiro's characterization throughout this fic is strange and Extremely ooc. it feels like she was purposely building him up to be the worst character in the story--a true villain, as it were. which is funny bc mob psycho doesn't even have true villains bc the show is about second chances and connections and trying again. but with the racism, plus the eugenics/creepy remarks, plus the overtly sexual manipulation and grooming, she turned toichiro into a kind of cartoon caricature of a villain. which was wholly unnecessary and, in fact, creepy! and not funny! and strange!

but the thing that annoyed me more than that was how she tried to walk it back. there are several moments where toichiro is calling out to his ex-wife in his sleep, asking for forgiveness and shit. which, for one, would not have happened at this point in the story. it is very explicitly shown through wd arc that toichiro's First moment of realization is when he's down in that basement area with mob, when he flashes back to his ex wife leaving and suddenly realizes what he missed. toichiro before this moment was not thinking mournfully about his wife. he wasn't thinking about his wife At All. he pushed the memory of his family out to make way for his plan, something that then becomes a key point to him accepting help from other people! so like. there's that. but Also having toichiro have these quiet moments of vulnerability feels like the author's way of rolling back her own characterization, which just makes the whole thing messy and hard to read. from the way she's written him, toichiro is NOT a character people should be empathizing with. he is a groomer and a racist and a creep and all of that together is like. a recipe for someone who needs to just be shoved off the face of the planet. but she works in these moments of "humanity" to try and bring toichiro back to where he's at in canon, likely so she can write out some kind of silent redemption (or hint at redemption) like how canon does. but in this case that redemption would feel gross because she turned his character into something so statically evil that it feels impossible to forgive.

and yeah, those quotes are absolutely ridiculous. like they border on comedy, but really they just sound awful coming out of his mouth. i know this phrase has been used a million times over but HE WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT!

also to talk on the topic of tags (which i do agree with you on), i do find it strange that she refused to put ANY tags on the fic with the proper warnings for explicit content, but seemingly had the time to make that reminder each and every chapter. because in reality she really only needed that warning on ONE chapter--the chapter that has the explicit scene! but i do agree that simply tagging it would save her readers the emotional labor of having to keep an eye out for a sex scene they might not be ready to deal with. especially with the content of some of these later chapters (the ones ive seen, anyway), having the looming threat of an explicit scene could make some readers uneasy!!! (im talking specifically abt the chapters where toichiro is making moves on serizawa in an effort to manipulate him. i understand the author did mention in an authors note that this wouldnt happen, but i'd also like to point out that she HID THIS PART OF THE AUTHORS NOTE. so you had to make the decision to "spoil" yourself just to see if someone was going to be sa'd or not. which i think is wrong; an author should always prioritize the safety and comfort of their readers above any potential "spoilers")

and to wrap up with one last thing, just a more general thought: i think there is a difference between content that includes dark topics in a thoughtful way and content that includes dark topics in an edgy way, and this fic definitely leans towards the latter. a lot of these outlandishly mature topics are treated like throwaway jokes or shock value items, which feels inappropriate when we are dealing with topics of such weight like racism, transphobia, child impregnation (again. What.), etc.. i am not trying to police people on what content they are or aren't allowed to talk about--i am saying that, if your story NEEDS to have this content in it (which i would argue that here it doesn't), then you need to treat it with the care it deserves to be treated with. if not for your own sake, then for the sake of your readers. at the end of the day, i just want people to be safe out there

thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, and thank you for being so respectful <3 have a wonderful day!

#ignorance cloud on #this ask was very thoughtfully written so i took the time to give a thoughtful response :-)#thank u for being nice and understanding my perspective :-)#but yeah anyways. not much more to say. putting my writing degree to work here jrhbgrjgrbhj

9 notes · View notes

ccreature-feature · 2 months ago

Text

If My Love Life Was A Movie, It'd Be A Creature Feature

This Story Will Follow The Day To Day Life Of Theodore D. MacDermott And His Ghostly Companion "Boober" Moving Back In With His Patron Deity/Pseudo-Parent Tetsuya Reyes After A Nasty Breakup. With The Physical Scars Still Healing, Not To Mention The Ones On His Heart, Teddy Just Wants To Give The Whole Dating Scene A Break. Fate (And Tetsuya) Seems To Have Other Plans Though, As When He's Doing His Duties Keeping Track Of The Monsters In Tetsuya's Jusistiction He Meets 3 Heartstopping Love Interests Right In His Face, Including His Ex! With His Heart Being Pulled Every Which Way, Can Teddy Make It Out Of This No Worse For Wear, Or Will This Creature Feature End In A Blood Bath?

So I Decided To Make A Story Entirely On A Whim, For Fun, By The Seat Of My Pants. I Intend For This Series To Just Generally Be A Love Letter To All The Things 16 Year Old Me Would've Liked To Read And Not Really A Professional Comic Or Anything. More Like A Blog Full Of Lore And Assorted Stuff About These Characters And Actual Writing/Comics Of Their Story When I Get Around To It.

If You're Allergic To "Cringe" And Amatuer Art Is Your Kryptonite, This Series Won't Be For You. I'm Not Making This For Mass Appeal And I Likely Won't Go Out Of My Way To Make This Easily Categeroizable Beyond Having Romance. Honestly I One Of The Few Parts Of This Story Plotted Out Paced More Like A Horror Movie Than A Romance. My Art And Works Are First And Foremost For My Enjoyment And Expressions Of My Passion And Love For Creating.

I Also Ask That People Please Not Badger Me For New Content Or Chapters. I Don't Mean To Be A Jerk, But I've Been Badgered In The Past To Pump Out New Content To The Point I Felt I Had To Wipe A Whole 3 Years Series Before. I'd Like To Avoid That This Time And Am Just Trying To Get Ahead Of That And Set Expectations Accordingly. I Am One Guy Making A Series For Free In My Free Time. :)

Btw I Am By No Means Against Fan Works Or Rewrites. If You Enjoy This Story, Just Parts Of It And Feel You Could Do Better, Or Are Just Inspired By My Characters Feel Free To Do What You Will With Them And Tag Me.

Write Reader Inserts, Reimagine Their Designs, Make OCs, Draw Them As Dragons, Have Them All Cuddle Eachother In The Stardew Poly Mod Extendo Bed, Go Nuts! Not Only Can I Just Physichally Not Stop You, But I'm Honestly Always Happy To Know My Works Inspire Other Creative Minds.

That Being Said I Ask As The Series Creator: Please Keep It WITHIN REASON. Exceptions I Hope Are Obvious Do Still Apply.

Do Not Whitewash Or Lighten My Characters Skin Colors. Do Not Detransition My Transgender Characters. Do Not Write My Polytheistic Characters Becoming Christian. Don't Write Torture Porn Of My POC Characters Being Brutalized Or Bleached. Etcetera Etcatera.

I Do Not Support Stripping My Characters Of Key Portions Of Their Identity To Make Them More Palatable. I Don't Just "Add Shit To Be Woke" And I Find It Insulting To Erase Key Parts Of My Characters Identity Just Because It Doesn't Make Sense Or Seems Like "Forced Diversity" Because Certain People Don't Think Past Their Local Walmart.

For Example: If You Create A Character Based On Baihé Or Armand Who Happened To Be White Or Have Lighter Skin, Whatever It's Not The Same Character I'm Not Policing What You Do With YOUR Characters (Unless The Only Defining Difference IS Their Whiteness). But If You Want To Draw Fanart Of Baihé, Armand, Or Any Of My Minority Characters: PLEASE DO NOT LIGHTEN THEIR SKIN OR REMOVE THEIR ETHNIC FEATURES. If You're Not Sure You Can Draw Those Features I Implore You To Either Take It As A Challenge And Practice Branching Out Or Do Not Draw Them At All.

The Only Thing I Can Think Of That Might Fall Under An Exception Is Adding On Without Removing, Dulling, Or Erasing Their Identity. For Instance:

Reimagining Armand If He Grew Up With His Mama In France Instead Of Staying In Chilé With His Father

Giving Baihé A Hooked Nose

Drawing Them Experiencing Your Culture

Doing A Genderswap AU And Rewritting Teddy As A Trans Woman Instead Of A Trans Man

Drawing Baihé In One Form More Than Others (Without Insulting, Denying, Or Dismissing The Other Forms Or Their Genderfluidity.)

That's Obviously Not An Exaughstive List But Yeah. Things That Do Not Remove Or Erase Or Compromise The Character's Identity.

I Know Bigots Are Gonna Exist No Matter What, And Bigotry Itself Can Be An Unconscious And Insidious Beast With How Interwoven Colonialism Has Caused It To Be In Most Of The World, But I Have Absolutely No Place For It Here And I Will Not Debate It. I Can't Stop You, But If I See It I Will Ask You To Stop Privately Where Avalible And Then Publicly Talk About It If You Continue.

TLDR; Please Be Respectful. If You Aren't Sure About Something Please Ask (Specify You Are Not A Bot If You Have No Profile Picture. I've Been Around Long Enough I Tend To Block On Reflex.)

#original characters #ocs #oc art #original series #CCreature Feature #《reature Feature

0 notes

kelila · 4 months ago

Text

struggling because I keep thinking about the ways I would write the first several chapters of hand of fate better than I did (and this is because ive become a better writer by writing what I've already written so its a good thing mostly)

but I don't really want to get bogged down with rewrite after rewrite because I've already been working on it for years and don't want it to take even more forever than it has. plus I've already posted to ao3 and have a few people following it so I want to get it out to them

problem is now its hard to look at my current work and keep pushing on. Most of what I would be rewriting or adding would be to for building characterization. And I feel like if I do write a few of the scenes rattling around in the vacuous space where most other people have a brain it would help me get a better handle on said characterization so I could apply that to the subsequent chapters I'm currently working on. So I might write a few of the scenes to get them out and clear up space.

i do worry though that if I do that I will end up hyperfocused on the new chapters and rewrite anyway and be unable to write anything else.

(To be fair that's already what's happening. Im concerned indulging the hyperfocus just a little is not a thing I can do and if I dip my toe in it will pull me all the way in anyway)

and that leads to the kind of executive choice paralysis where I end up doing nothing instead.

#I feel like I rushed to get the plot going... fearing the story would drag and be too boring otherwise #but that in doing that I did not take the time to establish the characters as well as I could have #but also that like you also want to take time getting to know the characters throughout the story so its mostly fine #but maybe I could have made certain things about the characters more clear if I had slowed down a little bit #then again I am always afraid I'm not being clear enough #the perpetual fear of everyone with adhd #everyone dismisses what you have to say as nonsensical but when you try to explain theyre like you talk to much #kel writes #hofposting

1 note · View note

uozlulu · 5 months ago

Text

@angofwords replied:

I've always been interested in your process. When you write a multi-chaptered fic, do you draft the whole thing first, or just a few chapters at a time? And when you write a second draft, do you literally rewrite it, or do you just intensively edit?

I'm going to answer this as an old school reblog because it's a long answer.

I always draft the entire fic. Mostly because half the time I don't know I'm doing a multi-chapter fic until I realize my one shot is too long like this DP3 fic and my previous DP3 fic You Can't Run Away from Your Nightmares and Your Dreams. Or I know it'll be possibly controversial and I don't want the haters to discourage me so I want to post it all at once like my Vampire Chronicles/IwtV AMC crossover fic. Or it's so big and the source material is still ongoing so i know I might have to change stuff as I change my mind, I'll post it in chapters as it's finished like Our Soulmate Academia. Or I write the first draft and realize part way through that it's not something I want to or can finish in the manner I want like this Avengers/Guardians of the Galaxy crossover I wrote back in 2016/2017 that I decided not to finish even though I wrote almost 16k of it and pretty much knew the ending to it. I also like looking at the story as a whole and then breaking it into pieces as it naturally wants to break into pieces like how Best Laid Plans naturally broke into pieces based on the location of the story.

So the process for something like say The Land Across the Sea which was very straight forward and no fuss:

Write a bullet point outline to organize thoughts like "Boruto arrives in Clover on a tsnami"

Write a draft that is basically like a play by play narration broken up into scene or POV-related sections like "The Black Bulls and Golden Dawn are on a beach recovering from the Spade Arc. Yami and Vangeance are barely able to move. Tsunami appear. Everyone gets to safety. They spot Boruto. Finral saves Boruto with a portal."

Then I take that and write a first draft and I write it to the end of the story.

Then I go through a read the story. As I read the story, I change how things are worded, maybe rewrite small sections for clarity, fix any glaring mistakes. Sometimes I mark chapter breaks in this stage especially if they're obvious breaks.

Then I run spelling/grammar check and reread the story again. If I haven't already broken it into chapters, I break it up here frequently by a rough word count, usually about 5,000 - 10,000 words.

Where the rewrites come into play are fics like You Can't Run from Your Nightmares or Your Dreams. I originally thought that it was going to be a shared POV fic rotating Logan to Vanessa to Wade. I wrote quite a bit of it like that, but I wasn't satisfied with Vanessa's POV because I felt like since the source material hinders my ability to know her, I wasn't writing her POV very well. I also wasn't satisfied with Wade's POV because he felt too much like Plot Device Man or something. So then I rewrote the whole draft so everything was in Logan's POV instead. That significantly changed some scenes like the second section where it went from an earthquake during lunch hour to being no earthquake at night during a karaoke party. I also had additional rewrites because I had to change some things like having Laura drive Vanessa and Wade to the Climax instead of Dopinder. So I'm glad I wrote it all out before starting to post it.

Ideally I want my fics to be like The Land Across the Sea or Our Soulmate Academia or Best Laid Plans that stick to their plan and don't give me too much trouble (though sometimes they give me so research and a whole Excel spreadsheet dedicated to keeping track of important notes). But if I get a You Can't Run, then I make it work.

17 out of 21 sections done. I'm at 15,996 words. Surprisingly not as much rewriting as I was expecting. Most of this has been my typical first edit expand and clean up operation. Definitely feeling more confident about this fic than I felt at the end of the previous draft.

Four more scenes to go and then I can spell check and spot check hopefully instead of a second expand/clean up edit phase. We'll see how it goes.

#angofwords #adventures in fic writing #long post

10 notes · View notes

bluebxlle-writer · 3 years ago

Text

My writing advice for new writers

masterlist. main navigation.

@bluebxlle_writer on Instagram

1. Write for yourself

This is the #1 tip I will always give to writers, so you've probably heard me say this a few times. Don't write for others, but write for yourself.

People have different tastes. There will always be some who dislike your book, and some who consider it their favorite. Lots of people hate famous books like Percy Jackson or Six Of Crows, and I'm sure you've disliked a popular book before. So instead of writing a book that others would read, start writing a book that you would read. If you end up liking your book, I can assure you that many others will too.

2. Flesh out characters

When you're excited to write a new WIP, you might delay your character building process and decide to start writing while trying to figure out the characterization on the way. I've done this a couple of times, thinking that it would speed up my writing process, but trust me, it did not. It actually slowed down my writing instead.

If you start writing your wip without at least finishing 80% of your character building process, you'll find yourself getting stuck in scenes, not knowing what your character would say or do, which is very inconvenient.

If you ever get bored of character building and really want to start writing instead, I suggest writing one-shots unrelated to your WIP. By doing this, you don't have to worry about writing your characters out of character, and its actually useful to their characterization process.

3. Experiment!

If you feel like there's something off with your writing, or you're beginning to feel that writing is a chore for you, experiment with different writing techniques. Switch up your genre, time period, plotting method, etc.

For reference, I used to be a pantser who writes plot-driven mystery stories. But now, I'm more comfortable with being a plantser who writes character-driven low fantasy stories! Basically, don't be afraid of change, because it might help you later.

4. Know your ending

In my opinion, the most important thing to consider while writing a story is your ending - not your beginning or middle. You can rewrite your beginning chapters anytime, and you can always figure out your middle chapters later, noone knows how to write the middle of a story anyway.

But if you don't know the ending of your story, you're screwed, buddy. Without knowing how your story ends, you can't write the events that build up to that ending.

You're unsure about your novel's ending at first and decided to throw in a last minute plot twist? That means you've been foreshadowing the wrong ending the whole book, and you gotta rewrite. You don't know how your characters will develop throughout the book? You won't be able to write the journey of their arc throughout the story. Hassling, right? That's why, try not to start writing your WIP without having a possible ending in mind.

5. If you write, you're valid.

Nowadays, the standards of being a writer is that you have to write a full-length novel and be traditionally published. This isn't true, not even the slightest.

You write poetry? You're a writer and valid. You're a screenwriter? Bro, look at the word. ScreenWRITER. valid. You write fanfictions? Valid, and you're not cringey. You have NO idea how much I worship fanfiction writers for writing what canon won't give us. You're writing but don't want to be published? You're still valid. As long as you write, you're valid, because that's the whole point of being a writer.

6. Don't follow every single tip

There's a reason why they're called writing tips, not rules. You're not meant to follow every single one of them, they're only meant to guide you on the way. Some will be useful, some won't, depending on yourself. So please, don't be pressured to follow every writing tip you see.

#writers on tumblr #writing things #writers #writerslife #writersociety #writing tips #tips for writers #writing help #writing tip #writing #writer blog #writingblr #writing resources #writing reference #new writing project

1K notes · View notes

pumpkinpaix · 4 years ago

Note

hello there, hope you're having a nice day <3

so i've been reading a lot of fics lately, uk for sanity's sake, and i've noticed that in most of them, lwj doesn't use contractions (eg., says do not instead of don't)?? and i think he doesn't in the novel either but i don't remember lol so i can't be sure but anyway that made me curious - does chinese have contractions as well? does he not use it bc it's informal?

hello there! I’m doing all right, i started to answer this ask while waiting for a jingyeast loaf to come out of the oven 😊 many thanks to @bookofstars for helping me look over/edit/correct this post!! :D

anyways! the answer to your questions are complicated (of course it is when is anything simple with me), so let’s see if I can break it down--you’re asking a) whether chinese has contractions, b) if it does, how does they change the tone of the sentence--is it similar to english or no?, and c) how does this all end up with lan wangji pretty much never using contractions in english fic/translation?

I’m gonna start by talking about how formality is (generally) expressed in each language, and hopefully, by the end of this post, all the questions will have been answered in one way or another. so: chinese and english express variations in formality/register differently, oftentimes in ways that run contrary to one another. I am, as always, neither a linguist nor an expert in chinese and english uhhh sociological grammar? for lack of a better word. I’m speaking from my own experience and knowledge :D

so with a character like lan wangji, it makes perfect sense in english to write his dialogue without contractions, as contractions are considered informal or colloquial. I don’t know if this has changed in recent years, but I was always taught in school to never use contractions in my academic papers.

However! not using contractions necessarily extends the length of the sentence: “do not” takes longer to say than “don’t”, “cannot” is longer than “can’t” etc. in english, formality is often correlated with sentence length: the longest way you can say something ends up sounding the most formal. for a very simplified example, take this progression from least formal to absurdly formal:

whatcha doin’?

what’re you doing?

what are you doing? [standard colloquial]

may I ask what you are doing?

might I inquire as to what you are doing?

excuse me, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

pardon my intrusion, but might I inquire as to what you are doing?

please pardon my intrusion, but might inquire as to the nature of your current actions?

this is obviously a somewhat overwrought example, but you get the point. oftentimes, the longer, more complex, more indirect sentence constructions indicate a greater formality, often because there is a simultaneous decreasing of certainty. downplaying the speaker’s certainty can show deference (or weakness) in english, while certainty tends to show authority/confidence (or aggression/rudeness).

different words also carry different implications of formality—in the example, I switched “excuse me” to “pardon me” during one of the step ups. pardon (to me at least) feels like a more formal word than “excuse”. Similarly, “inquire” is more formal than “ask” etc. I suspect that at least some of what makes one word seem more formal than one of its synonyms has to do with etymology. many of english’s most formal/academic words come from latin (which also tends to have longer words generally!), while our personal/colloquial words tend to have germanic origins (inquire [latin] vs ask [germanic]).

you’ll also notice that changing a more direct sentence structure (“may I ask what”) to a more indirect one (“might I inquire as to”) also jumps a register. a lot of english is like this — you can complicate simple direct sentences by switching the way you use the verbs/how many auxiliaries you use etc.

THE POINT IS: with regards to english, more formal sentence structures are often (not always) longer and more indirect than informal ones. this leads us to a problem with a character like lan wangji.

lan wangji is canonically very taciturn. if he can express his meaning in two words rather than three, then he will. and chinese allows for this—in extreme ways. if you haven’t already read @hunxi-guilai’s post on linguistic register (in CQL only, but it’s applicable across the board), I would start there because haha! I certainly do Not have a degree in Classical Chinese lit and she does a great job. :D

you can see from the examples that hunxi chose that often, longer sentences tend to be more informal in chinese (not always, which I’ll circle back to at the end lol). Colloquial chinese makes use of helping particles to indicate tone and meaning, as is shown in wei wuxian’s dialogue. and, as hunxi explained, those particles are largely absent from lan wangji’s speech pattern. chinese isn’t built of “words” in the way English is—each character is less a word and more a morpheme—and the language allows for a lot of information to be encoded in one character. a single character can often stand for a phrase within a sentence without sacrificing either meaning or formality. lan wangji makes ample use of this in order to express himself in the fewest syllables possible.

so this obviously leads to an incongruity when trying to translate his dialogue or capture his voice in English: shorter sentences are usually more direct by nature, and directness/certainty is often construed as rudeness -- but it might seem strange to see lan wangji’s dialogue full of longer sentences while the narration explicitly says that he uses very short sentences. so what happens is that many english fic writers extrapolated this into creating an english speech pattern for lan wangji that reads oddly. they’ll have lan wangji speak in grammatically incoherent fragments that distill his intended thought because they’re trying to recreate his succinctness. unfortunately, English doesn’t have as much freedom as Chinese does in this way, and it results in lan wangji sounding as if he has some kind of linguistic impediment and/or as if he’s being unspeakably rude in certain situations. In reality, lan wangji’s speech is perfectly polite for a young member of the gentry (though he’s still terribly rude in other ways lol). he speaks in full, and honestly, quite eloquent sentences.

hunxi’s post already has a lot of examples, but I figure I’ll do one as well focused on the specifics of this post.

I’m going to use this exchange from chapter 63 between the twin jades because I think it’s a pretty simple way to illustrate what I’m talking about:

蓝曦臣道：“你亲眼所见？”

蓝忘机道：“他亲眼所见。”

蓝曦臣道：“你相信他？”

蓝忘机道：“信。”

[...] 蓝曦臣道：“那么金光瑶呢？”

蓝忘机道：“不可信。”

my translation:

Lan Xichen said, “You saw it with your own eyes?”

Lan Wangji said, “He saw it with his own eyes.”

Lan Xichen said, “You believe him?”

Lan Wangji said, “I believe him.”

[...] Lan Xichen said, “Then what about Jin Guangyao?”

Lan Wangji said, “He cannot be believed.”

you can see how much longer the (pretty literal) english translations are! every single line of dialogue is expanded because things that can be omitted in chinese cannot be omitted in english without losing grammatical coherency. i‘ll break a few of them down:

Lan Xichen’s first line:

你 (you) 亲眼 (with one’s own eyes) 所 (literary auxiliary) 见 (met/saw)？

idk but i love this line a lot lmao. it just has such an elegant feel to me, probably because I am an uncultured rube. anyways, you see here that he expressed his full thought in five characters.

if I were to rewrite this sentence into something much less formal/much more modern, I might have it become something like this:

你是自己看见的吗？

你 (you) 是 (to be) 自己 (oneself) 看见 (see) 的 (auxiliary) 吗 (interrogative particle)？

i suspect that this construction might even be somewhat childish? I’ve replaced every single formal part of the sentence with a more colloquial one. instead of 亲眼 i’ve used 自己, instead of 所见 i’ve used 看见的 and then also added an interrogative particle at the end for good measure (吗). To translate this, I would probably go with “Did you see it yourself?”

contained in this is also an example of how one character can represent a whole concept that can also be represented with two characters: 见 vs 看见. in this example, both mean “to see”. we’ll see it again in the next example as well:

in response to lan xichen’s, “you believe him?” --> 你 (you) 相信 (believe) 他 (him)? lan wangji answers with, “信” (believe).

chinese does not do yes or no questions in the same way that english does. there is no catch-all for yes or no, though there are general affirmative (是／有) and negative (不／没) characters. there are other affirmative/negative characters, but these are the ones that I believe are the most common and also the ones that you may see in response to yes or no questions on their own. (don’t quote me on that lol)

regardless, the way you respond to a yes or no question is often by repeating the verb phrase either in affirmative or negative. so here, when lan xichen asks if lan wangji believes wei wuxian, lan wangji responds “believe”. once again, you can see that one character can stand in for a concept that may also be expressed in two characters: 信 takes the place of 相信. lan wangji could have responded with “相信” just as well, but, true to his character, he didn’t because he didn’t need to. this is still a complete sentence. lan wangji has discarded the subject (I), the object (him), and also half the verb (相), and lost no meaning whatsoever. you can’t do this in english!

and onto the last exchange:

lan xichen: 那么 (then) 金光瑶 (jin guangyao) 呢 (what about)？

lan wangji: 不可 (cannot) 信 (believe)

you can actually see the contrast between the two brothers’ speech patterns even in this. lan xichen’s question is not quite as pared down as it could be. if it were wangji’s line instead, I would expect it to read simply “金光瑶呢？” which would just be “what about jin guangyao?” 那么 isn’t necessary to convey the core thought -- it’s just as how “then what about” is different than “what about”, but “then” is not necessary to the central question. if we wanted to keep the “then” aspect, you could still cut out 么 and it would be the same meaning as well.

a FINAL example of how something can be cut down just because I think examples are helpful:

“I don’t know” is usually given as 我不知道. (this is what nie huaisang says lol) It contains subject (我) and full verb (知道). you can pare this straight down to just 不知 and it would mean the same thing in the correct context. i think most of the characters do this at least once? it sounds more literary -- i don’t know that i would ever use it in everyday speech, but the fact remains that it’s a possibility. both could be translated as “I do not know” and it would be accurate.

ANYWAYS, getting all the way back to one of your original questions: does chinese have contractions? and the answer is like... kind of...?? but not really. there’s certainly slang/dialect variants that can be used in ways that are reminiscent of english contractions. the example I’m thinking of is the character 啥 (sha2) which can be used as slang in place of 什么 (shen2 me). (which means “what”)

so for a standard sentence of, 你在做什么? (what are you doing), you could shorten down to just 做啥? and the second construction is less formal than the first, but they mean the same thing.

other slang i can think of off the top of my head: 干嘛 (gan4 ma2) is also informal slang for “what are you doing”. and i think this is a regional thing, but you can also use 搞 (gao3) and 整 (zheng3) to mean “do” as well.

so in the same way that you can replace 什么 with 啥, you can replace 做 as well to get constructions like 搞啥 (gao3 sha2) and 整啥 (zheng3 sha2).

these are all different ways to say “what are you doing” lmao, and in this case, shorter is not, in fact, more formal.

woo! we made it to the end! I hope it was informative and helpful to you anon. :D

this is where I would normally throw my ko-fi, but instead, I’m actually going to link you to this fundraising post for an old fandom friend of mine. her house burned down mid-september and they could still use help if anyone can spare it! if this post would have moved you to buy me a ko-fi, please send that money to her family instead. :) rbs are also appreciated on the post itself. (* ´▽` *)

anyways, here’s the loaf jingyeast made :3 it was very tasty.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #the untamed #the untamed meta #lan wangji #lan wangji meta #mine #mymeta #linguistics #chinese #english #cyan chinese school #cyan help desk #languages #contractions #register #look man idk how am i gonna tag this #*yeets into the void*

1K notes · View notes