exonerin

[exonerin]

[exonerin]

Help Needed (in form of motivation!)

I want to get back into writing, which I really haven't felt the spirit for in a while! So I'm asking for assistance here, friends!

Please check out my pinned post and then send me an ask with one of the WIPs. For each ask, I'll set myself a 20-Minute-Timer and then answer with what I manage to write in that time. On avarage, that would mean about 400-600 new words per ask :D

There will be no context, no warnings, no edits, just raw words :D

Let's call it an experience in accountability! 😄🥰

Thank you and good night! 😄

[exonerin]

Consider the following: Obi-Wan's a CEO at a company. A moderately successful one, and he has decided he will retire in a few years. So, he takes Anakin under his wing to train him to be the next CEO.

Anakin is absolutely clueless, he just follows along, believing he might just be in a trashy romance novel titled: 'the CEO and the secretary'. It's only a matter of time before Obi-Wan bends him over the large desk in his private office.

Anakin is wrong, of course.

No such thing happens. Instead, Obi-Wan teaches him how to lead the company and introduces him to the senior management, the important customers, shareholders, whatever.

Cue to Obi-Wan deciding Anakin -- who has been very patient in the meantime -- will take over. The betrayal! Obi-Wan doesn't want to rail his very capable secretary? Instead, he wants to dump this company Anakin really doesn't care about on Anakin's shoulders?

And the humiliation. He has been bending over and posturing and honing his flirting, and Obi-Wan never noticed? Or worse: he politely ignored it?

Anakin goes along with it, I reckon. At least on a surface level. He attends the big festivities for Obi-Wan's retirement, gives a speech that goes along the line of "Obi-Wan abandons his colleagues who need him so very much :(", and he even waves Obi-Wan goodbye when Obi-Wan gets in a cab.

Now, Obi-Wan's retirement plans... He has an eopie farm somewhere in the countryside. It won't turn a profit, but Obi-Wan was a CEO, he doesn't need the money.

On his first morning, he rudely waken up by someone ringing his doorbell. And it may happen to be Anakin, who's there with coffee and breakfast for Obi-Wan. And also a filled suitcase and big, hopeful puppy eyes.

He gets to stay, of course. Which means the company has no CEO, everything in shambles, there's general panic, and Obi-Wan and Anakin remain oblivious to it all.

I don't know, I started thinking about Anakin getting a very important job and just abandoning it the moment he realized that Obi-Wan isn't going to be a part of it. He needs Obi-Wan to admire him!

[exonerin]

I was hoping you would love me again

[Obikin Fic][1/?]

I loved you.

His mother cleaned the wound, her gaze flitting from the sluggishly bleeding laceration to his face and back. Using animal senses, an inexplicable intuition, or an impossible sixth sense, Anakin knew she wanted to talk about it.

Too bad Anakin didn't. His lips pulled into a scowl, his eyes narrowing as his features set into a stubborn pout.

His mother didn't know things like Anakin did, but she knew him. So, she sighed, concerned and tired. Anakin won, but he could win the fight and still lose the war. Guilt settled in Anakin's stomach, a snake that coiled and hissed, baring its venomous fangs.

Its defense was a lethal attack.

I loved you.

The din of the slave quarters was white noise, a background sound so familiar it functioned as a lullaby. Now, it filled an uncomfortable silence.

Finally, his mother put the swab of bloody cotton aside, reaching for a strip of fabric torn from an old tunic instead.

I loved you.

As she bandaged his right forearm, the three words disappeared. Anakin's shoulders slumped, the spots behind his shoulder blades tingling with released tension.

"All done," his mother said, patting his head gently.

"Thanks, Mom," Anakin said, and his mother's lips quirked funnily. Caught between fondness, concern, and guilt.

It didn't matter.

I loved you.

Anakin Skywalker had a soulmate, and he would meet them one day. Most people never met theirs, but he would meet them one day. The love declaration adorning his forearm dictated so.

Anakin Skywalker also knew he would lose his soulmate.

I loved you.

His mother told him he had had the mark since his birth, his destiny predetermined by a universe that had pointed at him and said: you, little one, are made to suffer.

Because Anakin Skywalker's soulmate would only declare their love when it was already ground to dust. It was a futile love, doomed from the beginning because fate had said so.

I loved you.

Once upon a time, in a future yet to pass.

The Aurebesh characters mocked him, but Anakin hungered all the same. Oh, his soulmate's first declaration of love would be an ending to a tale, but the tragic finale etched into the fleshy part of his right forearm promised him this: Anakin Skywalker would meet his soulmate.

And his soulmate would love him.

He was wretched, for this love wasn't made to last, but his soulmate would love him nonetheless. He couldn't change this future.

The wound on his forearm scarred.

I loved you

His mother frowned when she looked at his soul mark. Both knew why Anakin had cut into his arm, his tongue caught between his teeth in concentration, coincidentally also masking the pained grunts. They knew some wounds were invisible, the scars on Anakin's skin only hiding what festered underneath.

It didn't matter. If nothing ever amounted to anything, if Anakin was doomed to be miserable and alone, he wouldn't ever care. 

***.

Anakin Skywalker had believed the confession on his forearm was most wretched, most miserable. However, he considered Obi-Wan Kenobi when making this assessment.

One morning, early in his apprenticeship, Obi-Wan had raised a cup of tea to his lips, and his sleeve had fallen back to reveal text in a neat print.

I hate you!

Anakin had gasped, and Obi-Wan had given him one of those sardonic smiles. Scared that Obi-Wan would change his mind about teaching him, Anakin didn't say anything.

Yet, the words bothered him.

Only the first declaration of love, that very first confession, would show on a person's skin. Arguably, screaming at someone you hated them seemed counterproductive.

It wasn't a declaration of love.

In his room, Anakin pulled his sleeve back to reveal the scribble on his forearm. The scar had grown old, a thin white line. Barely visible across the elegant letters delivering a damning message.

I hate you!

I loved you.

***.

I can't give regular Wednesday WIPs on my current project (you'll understand why when I post the first chapter in a few weeks). But trust that the sand cat Obikin fic is progressing nicely. Instead, I figured I could post something else on Wednesdays in the meantime.

For now, it'll only be on Tumblr, but I might add it on AO3 at some point, and then the priority changes. Anyway, enough rambling.

[exonerin]

i think 2025 is the year i finally write a longform same age obikin fic where they're both jedi knights (ish) cause that's one trope i am still missing from my ao3 catalogue lol there are two au options and i'm going back and forth on which one i'd want to write.

option a is the baby's last mission au (tag here), where anakin tells his pal and confidante obi-wan that he's going to leave the order to be with his wife and obi-wan convinces him to do one more mission with him where they go undercover pretending to be married (because obi-wan has been in love with him for forever and he just wants one imaginary, fake memory to hold onto if anakin is going to leave him forever) (but then things get complicated, especially when anakin gets the feeling that obi-wan may be telling more of the truth than their cover story demands) (also maybe obi-wan finds out anakin married his wife using a cover name, so he real marries them with their real names out of spite and also jealousy that he probably deeply regrets later)

and option b is healer anakin au (tag here), where the jedi healers all wear blindfolds around their eyes to represent their mandate to heal whoever needs it regardless of allegiance or appearance or clan, and anakin and obi-wan grew up in the creche together before anakin was picked to be a healer. they don't get along at all now but they do start hate-fucking during the war after they keep getting deployed together, and their emotions get to be pretty tangled up and complicated (mostly because obi-wan can't forgive anakin for becoming a healer when all he wants is to see his eyes again) (anakin breaks his healer's vow of nonviolence and kills maul when he grievously wounds obi-wan. very bloody and over the top too. none of my anakins would ever be able to actually keep a vow of nonviolence. lmao)

[exonerin]

I love how you always make Anakin so thirsty in your art (and also a little deranged). Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️❤️

The thirst are mostly me projecting, but the deranged parts are how I see him in canon asdfh;; I'm happy you noticed it! And thank you for being here 🙇‍♂️❤️🤲

[exonerin]

Do you think Anakin knows how pretty he is or do you think he's convinced he got Padmé only because of his level of rizz (which is close to 0), a good spoon of luck and the fact that they're both crazy ?

[exonerin]

✨Obikin Big Bang 2024 Masterlist✨

Happy New Year, everyone!

After two months of posting, over 50 teams posted their words and art for the 2024 Obikin Big Bang! They all deserve celebration and appreciation, so remember to check out their works and leave your love with kudos, likes, and comments.

To make everything more accessible, we've created a Masterlist [https://obikinbb.tumblr.com/Masterlist%202024] with all the links to the respective Masterposts, art pieces and works.

We are absolutely thrilled with the amazing works the Big Bang brought to the Obikin fandom!

Until next time!

[exonerin]

happy 2025 obikin nation <3

art log @unspuncreature-artlog & all my other stuff

[exonerin]

a bundle of obi-nyan (ft. nyanakin in a both-catboy au i guess)

[exonerin]

So today I want to talk about puberty blockers for transgender kids, because despite being cisgender, this is a subject I’m actually well-versed in. Specifically, I want to talk about how far backwards things have gone.

This story starts almost 20 years ago, and it’s kind of long, but I think it’s important to give you the full history. At the time, I was working as an administrative assistant for a pediatric endocrinologist in a red state. Not a deep deep red state like Alabama, we had a little bit of a purple trend, but still very much red. (I don’t want to say the state at the risk of doxxing myself.) And I took a phone call from a woman who said, “My son is transgender. Does your doctor do hormone therapy?”

I said, “Good question! Let me find out.”

I went into the back and found the doctor playing Solitaire on his computer and said, “Do you do hormone therapy for transgender kids?” It had literally never come up before. He had opened his practice there in the early 2000s. This was roughly 2006, and the first time someone asked. Without looking up from his game of Solitaire, the doctor said, “I’ve never done it before, but I know how it works, so sure.”

I got back on the phone and told the mom, who was overjoyed, and scheduled an appointment for her son. He was the first transgender child we treated with puberty blockers. But not, by far, the first child we treated with puberty blockers, period. Because puberty blockers are used very commonly for children with precocious puberty (early-onset puberty). I would say about twenty percent of the kids our doctor treated were for precocious puberty and were on puberty blockers. They have been well studied and are widely used, safe, and effective.

Well. It turned out, the doctor I worked for was the only doctor in the state who was willing to do this. And word spread pretty fast in the tight-knit community of ‘parents of transgender children in a red state’. We started seeing more kids. A better drug came out. We saw some kids who were at the age where they were past puberty, and prescribed them estrogen or testosterone. Our doctor became, I’m fairly sure, a small folk hero to this community. 

Insurance coverage was a struggle. I remember copying articles and pages out of the Endocrine Society Manual to submit with prior authorization requests for the medications. Insurance coverage was a struggle for a lot of what we did, though. Growth hormone for kids with severe idiopathic short stature. Insulin pumps, which weren’t as common at the time, and then continuous glucose monitoring, when that came out. Insurance struggles were just part and parcel of the job.

I remember vividly when CVS Caremark, a pharmaceutical management company, changed their criteria and included gender dysphoria as a covered diagnosis for puberty blockers. I thought they had put the option on the questionnaire to trigger an automatic denial. But no - it triggered an approval. Medicaid started to cover it. I got so good at getting approvals with my by then tidy packet of articles and documentation that I actually had people in other states calling me to see what I was submitting (the pharmaceutical rep gave them my number because they wanted more people on their drug, which, shady, but sure. He did ask me if it was okay first).

And here’s the key point of this story:

At no point, during any of this, did it ever even occur to any of us that we might have to worry about whether or not what we were doing was legal.

It just never even came up. It was the medically recommended treatment so we did it. And seeing what’s happening in the UK and certain states in America is both terrifying and genuinely shocking to me, as someone who did this for almost fifteen years, without ever even wondering about the legality of it.

The doctor retired some years ago, at which point there were two other doctors in the state who were willing to prescribe the medications for transgender kids. I truly think that he would still be working if nobody else had been willing to take those kids on as patients. He was, by the way, a white cisgender heterosexual Boomer. I remember when he was introduced to the concept of ‘genderfluid’ because one of our patients on HRT wanted to go off. He said ‘that’s so interesting!’ and immediately went to Google to learn more about it. 

I watched these kids transform. I saw them come into the office the first time, sometimes anxious and uncertain, sometimes sullen and angry. I saw them come in the subsequent times, once they were on hormone therapy, how they gradually became happy and confident in themselves. I saw the smiles on their faces when I gave them a gender marker letter for the DMV. I heard them cheer when I called to tell them I’d gotten HRT approved by insurance and we were calling in a prescription. It was honestly amazing and I will always consider the work I did in that red state with those kids to be something I am incredibly proud of. I was honored to be a part of it.

When I see all this transgender backlash, it’s horrifying, because it was well on the way to become standard and accepted treatment. Insurances started to cover it. Other doctors were learning to prescribe it. And now … it’s fucking illegal? Like what the actual fuck. We have gone so far backwards that it makes me want to cry. I don’t know how to stop this slide. But I wrote this so people would understand exactly how steep the slide is.

[exonerin]

How many and what languages do you speak? Is English your first language or why are you writing in English?

English is not my first language, no. I speak three languages. English, my native language, and German (but I'm definitely not fluent in German).

So, why do I write in English?

When I went to middle school, I discovered the English curriculum assumed that elementary school had already given English lessons. Possibly, they also assumed you would have come into contact with the language online or through other media. I'm not sure.

However, this wasn't the case for me. I knew perhaps three words because we had four Winnie the Pooh mugs with English words on them at home, and my mother refused to translate them after the third mug.

This meant I had already missed the boat for English. Predictably, my predicament worsened. In High School, things were... worse. Because we started reading English literature while I had always picked books for very young kids for my book discussions in middle school. I couldn't read the books. I literally couldn't.

And 16-year-old-me shrugged and figured whatever. Not my problem (despite it being very much my problem).

But 17-year-old-me realized it may be a little problem. And so I switched my internal dialogue to English to practice. And my vocabulary was tiny, so this was a bit of a problem initially. But it worked. Nevertheless, I quickly realized this wouldn't get me very far. because my internal dialogue didn't need that many words and wasn't complex enough to compete with my enemy: the English literature and the horrible spelling and grammar tests. So, I started writing in English, too.

I still have my first English fic. I'm opening it right now. Google Drive is having some trouble (I would also have trouble opening something with so many crinkly lines). It's a 158k long behemoth of terrible grammar and bad writing. But that's how we learn.

I actually have a lot more than I expected from these first few years of English fic writing. I even have one Star Wars fic from this period (never finished, but that's beside the point)!

Anyway, I stuck with English because English is a beautiful language to tell stories with. It works way better for storytelling than my native tongue.

[exonerin]

Can you pls explain what time period gffa is like im five

GFFA does not refer to a time period. It refers to the Galaxy Far Far Away.

When I use the term, I mean that something is set in the Star Wars universe.

When I talk about a Belle & the Beat AU for example, there are a lot of different settings. It could be our modern society, the fairytale's world, or the Star Wars universe (GFFA).

So, when I say that I can't reveal where on the SW timeline I placed a fic, but that is it in the GFFA, I say something about the setting. Does this help set the expectations for what the fic will be about? Maybe? A little bit?

I hope this helps!

[exonerin]

i cant they stole my brain

[exonerin]

CHAPTER 8 OF A LESSON IN SHII-CHO HAS BEEN POSTED!

Happy New Year Everyone!

A Lesson in Shii-Cho (49345 words) by Spirk_kock Chapters: 8/15 Fandom: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn, Asajj Ventress, Dooku | Darth Tyranus, Padmé Amidala, Mace Windu Additional Tags: Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, Lightsaber Forms (Star Wars), Lightsaber Training (Star Wars), Slow Burn, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Trans Male Character, Nightmares, Anakin Skywalker Has Issues, Jedi/Religious Trauma, Jedi Are Just Space Catholics, Angst, Fix-It of Sorts, Fix-It, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets Therapy, Canon-Typical Violence, Transphobia, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker is Qui-Gon Jinn's Padawan, Character Study, Angst with a Happy Ending, Padmé Amidala and Anakin Skywalker Are Not Together, But Does Anakin Know That?, Unreliable Narrator, The Jedi Make Mistakes but they are not Bad, Nuance, Fantasy and Fictional Setting Racism, Moral Dilemmas, Eventual Smut, Trans Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bisexual Anakin Skywalker, Bisexual Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi Has a Vagina Summary: It had been many years since Obi-Wan Kenobi had seen Anakin Skywalker. Years since Obi-Wan had been unceremoniously replaced as Qui-Gon Jinn’s padawan by that infuriating, ever important, Chosen One.  Years since Obi-Wan had needed to confront these feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. And yet, as always, his life is not his own.  An order from the Jedi Council forces Obi-Wan’s hand, and he inexorably finds himself responsible for the continued training of the young man who stole his master. A man that, unsurprisingly, is hard to handle.