#i might as well set my alarm for 10 am get better quality rest not feel any shame and functionally it’s the same result

[carpathxanridge]

wow turns out it is a lot easier to get up with your alarm on the first try when you don’t set it two hours too early and spend two hours snoozing it getting low quality disrupted sleep……

[hd-learns-korean]

MUSICAL MONDAYS WEEK 2!

Happy Monday everyone! I hope you all had a beautiful weekend and are all well rested.

It's that time of the week where I'm back with another study post! Whoop whoop.

The song this week absolutely slaps! I can't stop singing it. @tell-tale-taeil Thank you so much for recommending this for my Musical Monday's. Your taste in music is 10/10!

Song: Boat 보트

Artist: George 죠지

My thoughts on the song: If you're looking for a fun and light hearted little number I strongly recommend this. I can't stop singing the lyrics. The other day I was making a cup of tea, and out of nowhere I scream sung 'I'M ON A BOAT' much to the surprise of my mum, who rightly looked at me with concern. Sorry mum. The lyrics are stuck in my head and need an outlet. Great song. Go give it a listen when you have a few moments to spare. I warn you though, you will end up shouting "I'm on a boat" at random and sporadic moments throughout the day after hearing this! 😄

Notes: As I am still not 100% fluent in Korean, my study sentences are for me to practise writing in Korean. So there might be a few mistakes. If you spot any or a better way to translate a sentence, please let me know so I can correct it!

Translation Notes: I have included a mixture of my own sample sentences, Papago translation and Naver Dictionary. Where sentences are not my own I have labelled them.

Let's get this study show on the road!

VOCABULARY:

사방에 on every side/ on all sides/ all around/ everywhere

산지사방 all directions (Naver) Can also mean ‘Mountainous area’

사방에서 from every direction

사방에 벌들이 날고 있었어요! Bees were flying everywhere! (Nuance: Surrounded by bees on all sides)

사방을 살펴보다 look all around (Naver)

새 카페들이 사방에 생겨나고 있죠? New cafes are popping up everywhere, right?

사방을 살피다 Keep a sharp lookout (Naver)

산지사방으로 흩어지다 scatter/ be dispersed in all directions (Naver) (Scatter all over the country)

사방으로 싸다니다 bustle in and out/ hang about (Naver)

사방으로 비산하다 fly in all directions (Naver)

벌들은 사방으로 비산해고 있어요! Bees are flying everywhere!

새들은 사방으로 비산했어요. The birds scattered in all directions.

올리다 raise/ lift up/ achieve/ gain

Present Tense: 올려요

Past Tense: 올렸어요

Future Tense: 올릴 거예요

Nominal: 올림

Contrast: 올리지만

이자율을 올리다 raise/ drive up the interest rates (Naver)

기름 값을 올리다 raise the gas rates

이번년에서 가스회사는 기름값을 30%로 올렸어요. This year, the gas company raised the price of oil by 30%. (Mine + Papago)

저는 연간 3천만 원의 소득을 올리고 싶어요. I want to make a yearly profit of 30 million won a year. (Roughly £18,738.69) I want to earn 30 million won a year.

오른팔을 올릴 때 아픈가요? Does it hurt when you raise your right arm?

쏘아 올리다 launch/ shoot up/ send off (Naver)

로켓을 쏘아 올리다 Launch a rocket (Naver)

선취 득점을 올리다 score the first point on a game/ get on the score board first (Naver)

블로그에 글을 올리다 write on a blog (Naver) Post something on a blog.

오늘은 뮤지컬 월요에 대한 글을 블로그에 올리려고 해요. Today, I am going to blog about musical Mondays.//Today, I'm going to post a blog about musical Mondays.

페널티킥으로 득점을 올리다 score on a penalty kick (Naver)

머리를 올리다 put one’s hair up (Naver)

멀어지다 recede/ die away/ drift apart/ grow apart

Present Tense: 멀어져요

Past Tense: 멀어졌어요

Future Tense: 멀어질 거예요

Contrast: 멀어지지만

사이가 서로 멀어지다 Become estranged from each other

윤아 씨는 친구들과 사이가 멀어졌어요. Yoona has become estranged from her friends.

원하다 want/ wish/ hope/ desire

Present Tense: 원해요

Past Tense: 원했어요

Future Tense: 원할 거예요

Contrast: 원하지만

미나는 미래에 파리 미대에서 공부하기를 원해요. Mina wants to study at the Paris Academy of Fine Arts in the future. Mina hopes to study at the Paris Academy of Fine arts in the future.

다 사람들은 많이 돈을 원해요. Everyone wants a lot of money.

저는 천체물리학자가 되기를 원했어요. I wanted to be an astrophysicist.

탐욕스럽�� 명예를 원하다 to be greedy/ hungry for fame/ honour. (Naver)

한심하다 pathetic/ pitiful

Present Tense: 한심해요

Past Tense: 한심했어요

Future Tense: 한심할 거예요 // 한심할 것이에요

Nominal: 한심함

한심하기 짝이 없다 To be extremely deplorable (Naver)

넌 한심하지 마! Don’t be pathetic!

다르다 different from/ different to

Present Tense: 달라요

Past Tense: 달랐어요

Future Tense: 다를 거예요

Contrast: 다르지만

질적으로 다르다 to differ in quality (Naver)

거리에 따라 다르다 vary with distance (Naver)

차원이 다르다 be entirely different/ belong to a different level (Naver)

생각이 다르다 have a different way of thinking (Naver)

취미가 서로 다르다 have quite different tastes (Naver)

내 친구와 나는 취미가 서로 달라요. My friend and I have different hobbies.

하루가 다르다 change from one day to the next/ rapidly change (Naver)

그는 기분이 하루가 달라요. His mood changes from one day to the next.

Another way to say this is: 그의 기분은 하루하루 변한다.

날씨는 하루가 다르다. The weather is different from day to day.

앞뒤가 다르다 to be inconstant/ to not add up. (Lit: One’s front and back are different)

그들의 이야기는 앞뒤가 달라요. 거짓말인 것 같아요. Their stories are different. I think it’s a lie.

정돈하다 tidy up/ straighten up/ arrange/ clear/ put sth in order

Present Tense: 정돈해요

Past Tense: 정돈했어요

Future Tense: 정돈할 거예요

오늘은 저의 집을 정돈했어요. I cleaned my house today. Lit: I put my house in order today. E.g I tidied my house today.

저의 주위를 정돈할 필요가 있어요. I need to organize my surroundings.

창고에 장비들이 잘 못 정돈되어 있었어요. The equipment was not well organized in the warehouse. (Modified Naver)

뜻밖의 unexpected/ unanticipated

저는 뜻밖의 희소식을 듣고 싶어요! I want to hear some unexpected good news!

어제밤에 우리는 뜻밖의 희소식을 들었어요! Last night we heard some unexpected good news! Last night we got some unexpected good news!

뜻밖의 손님이 들어왔는 것 같아요. I think we have an unexpected guest.

It seems that an unexpected guest has arrived.

뜻밖 unexpectedness/ a surprise

향하다 look/ face/ head towards

Present Tense: 향해요

Past Tense: 향했어요

Future Tense: 향할 거예요

Contrast: 향하지만

창문은 남쪽을 향해 나 있다 The window faces/ looks south. (Naver Example)

배는 바다를 향해 나아갔다 The boat headed out to sea. (Naver Example)

어선는 대서양를 향해 나아갔어요. The fishing boat headed for the Atlantic Ocean.

미나와 그녀의 가족은 도쿄을 향해 출발했어요. Mina and her family set off for Tokyo. Mina and her family departed for Tokyo.

내의 침실 창문은 숲을 향해 있어요. My bedroom window faces the forest.

마음이 고향을 향하다 To yearn for home. (Naver) Literally: My heart is heading towards my hometown.

우려하다 concern/ worry/ fear/ worry about/ fear that

Present Tense: 우려해요

Past Tense: 우려했어요

Future Tense: 우려할 거예요

많이 사람들은 경제 위기를 우려해요. Many people are concerned about the economic crisis.

우려 Concern

우려를 표명하다 Express concern over (Naver)

우려할 만한 worrying/ alarming/ serious (Naver)

Miscellaneous things I found interesting in this song!

회치다 slice raw fish/ prepared slice raw fish

회(를) 치다 prepare a raw fish dish

회 Sashimi

참치회 slices of raw tuna

모듬회 a plate of assorted raw fish

이 맥주는 회에 잘 어울리다. This beer goes well with sashimi.

GRAMMAR:

The grammar point that I have chosen from this song is an interesting one because it combines 2 grammar points into one.

ㄹ 수도 있지만: ...may happen, but....

The first grammar point in this is:

(을) ㄹ 수도 있다 – Talking about possibilities. May/ Might

It is a mixture of 을/ㄹ 수 있다 = Can/ expressing ability to do something and 도 meaning 'also'. When combined it means ‘Can also…’ = May or might.

The second grammar point is:

지만 – Even though/ but/ however

Shows a contrast between the two clauses.

Can also be used to connect two clauses together.

I will be creating separate grammar posts for each of these points listed above, otherwise this post will get real long!

When (을) ㄹ 수도 있다 and 지만 are combined it gives the impression of '....may happen but…'

Examples from the song:

큰 파도가 날 덮칠 수도 있지만A big wave might hit me,

뜻밖의 사과가 날 수도 있지만 There may be an unexpected apology/ accident.

There we go everyone! Study list complete! I hope you enjoyed studying with Musical Mondays, and that you liked listening to this amazing song too!

As always everyone,

Stay safe, have a beautiful day, and happy studying! x

Sources: Naver dictionary, Papago translation, Verbix.com, Unsplash.com.

[tentoriwrites]

Set Adrift: The Charbee Remix

For Charbee week day 4 for the song Back to Life by Hailee Steinfeld

I always played around with the idea of there being multiple factions of Cybertronians with specialized tasks/functions. I really latched on to the scientists/engineers because someone had to develop all that super advanced tech. But also they would have so much drama because both sides would want them. I found a great way to write in 2 of the main characters but never had a great way to bring in the third as she was completely a non-combatant. ENTER CHARBEE!

----- ------ ----- ----- -----

Bumblebee’s optics went wide as he thought back on the time he stuck his finger in the outlet at Charlie’s house. He looked away embarrassed by the stupidity of the action. Little did he know the ramifications of such a simple act would be so widespread and… ongoing…

----- ----- ----- ----- -----

Prologue:

The universe is full of innumerable stars. Rotating around those stars are even more planets. What makes this one so special? At first I didn’t understand, but then I finally went there. It was full of organic life and energy. I knew the moment I landed it would be perfect for the experiment. So, I released them: enough nanobots to make thousands of Energon batteries. Enough to power a Cybertronian colony for far more cycles than would ever be necessary. This whole system was a proof of concept. No matter where we Cybertronians went, we would always have a source of Energon.

As soon as the nanobots were released on this pale blue dot the results were immediate. I was extremely optimistic. I left the experiments to run as I retreated to the observation bunker established on a moon in the far reaches of the system. I went into stasis to conserve energy and woke up periodically to check on the experiments and receive reports from home.

As you might imagine I missed a lot existing like this. But I knew about the war and that it was escalating at a frantic pace. The war and my experiment seemed to be poles that could not coexist. The better my experiment went, the worst things seemed to go at home. The transmissions kept coming until one day they spotted altogether. I denied it for as long as I could, but I understood what that meant. The Prime Constructors was gone and the only reason for that was denying the Decepticons. I took precautions against those who would try to use my experiments for their own ill deeds. In my processors I said I was neutral, like all Constructors, but in my Spark I hoped the Autobots would win. that hope to hold on to, I went to sleep for the last time.

A bot tall and slender in frame but devoid of all the color floated gently up and down in a cryo-stasis chamber. The frost on their silvered metal panels tinkled as it melted away. It was time for the annual check on their experiment. They had created a countless number of nearly imperceptible nanobots and flooded all the planets of this solar system with them. It was a first of its kind experiment for the Cybertronians. Each bot collected energy from any and all available sources and converted it to Energon. Once the bot was fully charged, it floated towards the collection point on the planet and deposited it. Once the batteries were full, they could be collected and transported back to Cybertron.

The Cybertronian stretched out their arms over their head before floating over to the console on the far side of the room. Tiny boosters on the tips of their transparent wings gave them the propulsion they needed to move in the zero-gravity space. Once they were seated, they slid their hand against a flat space marked off by a frame on the console. It lit up with a gentle yellow glow a moment after they touched it.

“Constructor designation.” A synthesized voice filled the darkened room.

“C-377.” A less synthesized female voice answered.

“Project Identification number.”

“1284092186.”

“Hello, C-377. I hope you slept well.”

“I did, thank you.” She looked up at the screens as they buzzed to life.

“I have compiled the latest data on all 10 planets in this system.”

“I see them on the screens now. The numbers for some planets are a little disappointing, I must say. However, planet 3 has been an extremely lucrative source of energy.” She put her free hand to her chin a moment. “There has been a very large spike in the last 100 years. But then it drops off steeply.”

“Yes.”

The Cybertronian started to speak again but the computer cut her off.

“There was a huge spike in Energon detected. The spike caused the nanobots in the area to realign with the Cybertronian responsible for the spike and become unresponsive to outside communications. This caused a cascade effect until all the nanobots on the planet had become realigned.”

The Cybertronian’s purple glowing optics went huge. “W… wh… what… faction?” She was shaking so violently her hand almost pulled free from the console.

“The surge was caused by an Autobot designated B-127.”

The Cybertronian visibly eased, sinking into her seat at the news.

“The Decepticons can never have this technology… They’ll just use it to destroy ev…” Her chilled declaration was cut short by an alarm blaring. The security system was alerting her to a breach. “Activate emergency protocol alpha.”

“Understood. Preparing full transfer to remote station Beta.” The small, underground base started whirring with life.

The Cybertronian’s hand was released from the console as the computer listed each step in the protocol being fulfilled in the background. “Launch the backup and my escape pod to Earth then full wipe.”

“Understood. Preparing to launch decoys. Randomizing decoy coordinates. Power and memory transfer to ARC initiated.”

“Time to breach?”

“Irrelevant. Please proceed to escape pod.”

“But… Yes… Understood…” She couldn’t argue with the computer as power was already being diverted to a black monolith. The lights dimmed and the alarm turned off. The bot drifted into a random escape pod. The black monolith joined her in a different, random pod.

“Transfer complete. Launch sequence activated. Final shut down commencing. Creator protect you.”

The tube shook violently as it hurtled towards space. Moments before cresting the top of the tube, the screen in the escape pod started blinking errors. A camera on the outside of the pod showed fire surrounding it. Something likely set off the self-destruct trying to disarm it. While she was happy no one could get anything out of the base, she hoped against the odds the pod survived the trip to the third planet. Much to her dismay, the alarm blared on…

 The sky burned as a Cybertronian pod streaked across the blue expanse over the planet Earth. Pieces broke off and burned away in the atmosphere causing a showy display of friction's power. It came to rest in a dry field in the middle of nowhere at the base of a tree. The scorched dirt pit left in the wake of the landing alien smoldered and it wouldn't be long before humans found the site. With great effort the figure rolled over and pushed themselves to their feet. The journey had taken far longer than they had thought but soon it would all be over. The mission was the only thing that mattered now.

“Halt!” A voice called with a musical quality and the figure turned around slowly.

“Auto...bot... Thank goodness...” The clearly female alien replied weakly just before falling to her knees. Any scans indicated that she had been severely damaged from the entry. She was dying before his very eyes! He immediately disarmed and moved to her side. “I have a very important message to deliver to you Autobot. I am one of the last of the Constructors and charged with an experiment put into motion on this planet... No time...” She explained as quickly as she could with her dying body.

Bumblebee dropped her and backed away. A look of disdain colored his normally genial features.

She chose to ignore the familiar coldness her faction afforded her and pressed on. “After I die the information must be pulled from me. They are on their way... Decepticons... Not sure... how much... they got out of lab...” Her optics flickered so dim light could barely be seen within them as Optimus and the others arrived.

“Bumblebee! Report!” Optimus barked as he transformed and ran up to his ally. “A neutral?” He gasped in a voice stricken with an ill feeling as he kneeled down next to the ailing creature. “A Constructor?” She nodded slowly before falling to the dirt completely.

“A Prime...? How fortunate...” A smile was clearly written on her face as her life faded away.

“Out of the way!” Ratchet grumbled as he gingerly moved between Optimus and the slain. “Her injuries are grave. I haven't seen anything in this bad of shape in awhile...” He looked her over briefly before shooting her three times with his special regeneration laser. She jumped and twitched and he quickly set to work attaching a thick cable to a port in her back. “She needs an energy transfusion... What's this?” He wondered spotting a foreign black cube deep in her back. “It's a retrofitted piece connected on a molecular level with nanomachines... It appears to be some sort of energy collection or converter... But it's been disabled.” He awkwardly reached a finger into her back and poked the unharmed box.

Suddenly, her wings spread out and became covered in a transparent film. After a few moments she gasped and her eyes shot open. “The energy converter worked!” She half shouted as she twitched back to life.

The Autobots in attendance looked at her dumbstruck.

“I need to find the monolith…” No sooner did the words leave her mouth she passed out again.

“She's not very stable at the moment... We'll have to be careful...” Ratchet explained checking her status. “Right now, that converter is the only thing keeping her functional.” With that being said he got to his feet and started hauling her away unceremoniously over one shoulder.

“All right you heard Ratchet! We have to get her back to the base!” Optimus ordered as he started to transform into a semi-truck. “I’ll carry her in the back.”

A flurry of whirring radio dials punctuated Bumblebee’s reaction as he searched for songs to speak with. “Something… you need to know… easier… if… she's… dead...” Bumblebee looked up at Optimus with his displeasure clear on his face. “Shouldn’t… we… let it be?”

“No information could be worth her life... She's been through much to get here and I'm certain once she's had time to recover, she can tell us everything we might need to know.” Optimus replied as the hum of a plane grew closer. “Autobots! Roll out!” It was clear Optimus was ignoring the callousness of the comment.

“I… will… guard… her…”

As they rolled back to the Autobot base on Earth, the being stirred weakly. “You.” There was a long pause before the Constructor went on in a quiet voice. “You are the one who started all this.”

Bumblebee tried to ignore her, but her persistent staring finally prompted a response. He cocked his head to the side. “Misunderstanding” by Phil Collins started playing.

“You have lost your voice?” She looked up at the open roof wistfully. “It must have been an accident then.” She took a deep breath. “You created an Energon surge that interfered with an experiment I was conducting on this planet. It caused the nanobots I brought here to align with your energy so they no longer respond to me.”

Bumblebee’s optics went wide as he thought back on the time he stuck his finger in the outlet at Charlie’s house. He looked away embarrassed by the stupidity of the action. Little did he know the ramifications of such a simple act would be so widespread and… ongoing…

“That means we must protect you at all costs until the nanobots can all be removed from the planet.”

“You should rest now. You can explain yourself later when we can all hear it. But I would prepare yourself now, Constructor. Not all Autobots have a favorable opinion of your kind.” Optimus commented stoically.

“I… I can understand that sentiment.” With that she closed her eyes and went into stasis again.

 After returning to the base, the newest Cybertronian was offloaded for repairs. Optimus and Bumblebee waited patiently nearby as they discussed their next move.

“What do you think, Bumblebee? Is she someone we should trust?” Optimus turned to the yellow bot.

“Danger Zone” started blaring loud enough to wake the dead.

“I understand your feelings on Constructors. However, they only did what they felt was best for Cybertron. Is that really any different than what we did?” Optimus tried to reason with Bumblebee.

Bumblebee shook his head wildly. “So, what difference does it make? It makes none.” A line by The Smiths accompanied the action.

Optimus sighed heavily. He started to say something but was cut off by Ratchet.

“Well I can safely say this is my best work...” Ratchet sounded quite full of himself as he came out with the Constructor in tow. He had replaced her missing plates with smooth steel. “She explained that box to me as well so we'll have to move her while she recovers. She needs a place with more light.” He added cracking his hands as he stopped where Optimus and Bumblebee had acquainted themselves.

“What is it?” Optimus asked looking over to him.

“It's a miniature version of an experimental system the Constructors implemented here on Earth in a closed circuit.” Ratchet explained with a smile. “It was developed on the off chance the experiment failed. She brought many unused copies with her!”

“So that's the black box we picked up not far from her crash site.” Optimus added thoughtfully.

“YOU FOUND THE MONOLITH?!” The Constructor nearly collapsed in her relief. “Th… that monolith is very important to me.”

Bumblebee’s optics narrowed sharply and “Danger Zone” started blaring again.

“Bumblebee…” Optimus chided him gently and the yellow bot huffed.

The Constructor looked a bit hurt but went on. “I am Constructor C-377. I specialize in nanobots. I developed nanobots that absorb energy in all its forms and delivers it to batteries. The batteries were to be sent back to Cybertron…”

“Cybertron… has fallen.” Arcee answered solemnly offering her comrade a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Oh…” All of the Constructor’s excited energy evaporated like fog in the sun. “I… see…” Sparks lit up as her fingers dug into her hand. “Well then… I guess… a new end goal for the experiment is necessary.” She nodded solemnly as she walked over to the monolith. She placed her hand on the surface and it immediately lit up with a gentle purple light.

“Should this experiment yield the desired results then we will be able to build a new home planet for our race.” Ratchet began with his smile beaming wider with each word. “It is capable of converting solar energy into Energon!” The news completely shocked everyone in the gathering.

“This is great news!” Arcee cheered in uncontained happiness.

“It’s not that easy.” The Constructor injected quickly. “The nanobots are designed to seamlessly integrate into whatever they are gathering energy from. So, they can become anything. If you cannot see why that might be a problem then you had better reconsider your intelligence level.

“We should give you a code name.” Wheeljack finally interjected.

“Familiarity with me is not advisable. I will only be on this planet long enough to remove the nanobots and any threat they may cause. My association with this planet will only serve to endanger it further.”

“She is a true Constructor...” Ironhide shook his head bitterly. “I've never met one but I would bet they're all just like this. Loners who don’t think they need anyone and don’t care about anyone.”

The Constructor deflated a fraction, but it was still enough to be noticeable. “I will need an energy sample from B-127 so I can start reprogramming the nanobots. Please place your hand on the monolith.”

“No sugar tonight.” Blared through Bumblebee’s radio.

"I don't think you understand what's at stake here." She started with hurt in her voice. "The nanobots can be reprogrammed to do anything... become anything. Power supplies, weapons, defenses..." The meekness in her voice faded as she spoke, replaced the a genuine passion. "If the Decepticons get a hold of them, they would be able to destroy anyone who opposes them!"

"Why would you put such a dangerous experiment into action at a time like this?" Ironhide voiced his suspicions openly.

A perfectly logical question she gave an honest answer to. "The experiment was started before the war." She started to deflate once again. "Had I known it would come to this... I... never would have..."

Just before her voice faded into nothing the monolith whirred loudly before disappearing completely. Her optics went huge and she started shaking. The plates of her body clinked gently, but audibly. "A Decepticon is here..."

An uproar immediately erupted from the Autobots. Some went on the defensive, seeking out the enemy. Others went on the offensive against the Constructor.

"I knew she couldn't be trusted!"

"Constructors only care about their experiments and creations!"

"She probably is a Decepticon herself!"

"She must have led them here!"

"I'm not a Decepticon!" Though she was quick and vocal in asserting this, she deflated quickly again. "But I may have led them here without meaning to." She shrank away from everyone, clutching her arms around herself.

"Enough!" Optimus's resonant voice silenced all others. He placed a firm hand on the Constructor's shoulder. "We will judge her guilt based on evidence after we eliminate the Decepticon threat."

The familiar whir of a plasma gun charging and firing in the distance ended any further discussion. Optimus did a quick head count and looked confused.

"The threat has been eliminated." The Constructor whispered looking over in the direction the sound came from.

"How can you be so certain?"

"My monolith is back." She pointed toward the source of the shot. Sure enough, one could see a peek of the monolith floating lazily in the air. Closer investigation revealed a small, smoking crater with the remains of a small Decepticon spy at the bottom. Her whole countenance grew grim as the monolith wafted to her side. "I warned you the nanobots are dangerous. Now the Decepticons likely know B-127 controls them."

“Your monolith is made of nanobots then?”

“Yes.” She answered quietly. “But they only respond to me. They cannot be overridden like the ones on this planet.” She turned to look at Bumblebee resolutely. “The Decepticons will stop at nothing to gain every advantage they can. If you will not help me save the experiment here. Please help me shut it down. The nanobots can be ordered to permanently fuse. Order them to fuse into batteries and all of you will have a viable source of Energon for the foreseeable future. Once it’s done, I’ll leave and never come back.”

Once again, Bumblebee pulled away.

“They will stop at nothing. The place where your Energon surged was a residential area. They will start there first.”

Bumblebee’s face instantly snapped back to hers.

“They will take hostages and once they do, those hostages will die. It doesn’t matter if you agree to help the Decepticons or not.”

Bumblebee looked visibly distressed now. His optics swiveled around for a moment before he shoved past the Constructor and turned into a bright yellow car with black stripes. As he did, the monolith disappeared again.

“We have to protect him at all costs!” The Constructor yelled and she took off after him on foot. A moment later she spotted an old, beat up truck from the 40s roll by. She quickly scanned it and used it as her cover. Following a faintly iridescent line of nanobots, she was able to follow Bumblebee even if she could in no way keep up with his reckless driving. Eventually she pulled in at a house at the end of a cul de sac. Bumblebee was honking his horn trying to get the attention of someone in the house.

“I wondered who could possibly be honking so much!” An older women excitedly declared as she rush out of the house. “Charlie’s going to be so excited to see you when she gets back, Bumblebee.”

Bumblebee struggled through finding the right song lyrics to convey the urgency of the situation. Seeing him struggle so, the Constructor spoke instead.

“Where did she go and when will she return?”

“Oh? A girl…” The older woman gave Bumblebee a knowing smile. “I’m so glad you found someone special, Bee~~~ I was just telling Charlie it would be nice if you found you a nice lady bot and settled down. She didn’t seem to like that for some reason.”

“It’s not that kind of arrangement. I am in need of his assistance.” The Constructor answered simply. “Where did Charlie go and when will she return?”

“She went to the store for me and should be back anytime now. Is… Is something the matter?” The woman was clearly worried now.

“No. I simply wanted a name. Bumblebee said Charlie gave him his name. She might select one for me as well.” It was pure fabrication to minimize collateral damage.

“Awe… That’s so sweet! I’m sure Charlie would be so happy to meet you and give you a name!” The older woman bought the explanation wholesale as a smile crept across her face that spoke to how adorable she thought the situation was. “There she is now!” She flailed her arms in a wave.

The pair of Cybertronians backed around to see a red car coming down the street. An arm reached out and started waving wildly. Suddenly, a shimmer on the air caused the view to be distorted.

“That vehicle…” The Constructor whispered.

The vehicle came to an abrupt stop causing Charlie to slam into the steering wheel. Bumblebee revved his engine in a hostile display. It was clear he already knew what the Constructor was about to say.

“That vehicle is a Decepticon.”

Bumblebee’s engine revved loudly again.

“B-127 if you would like this human returned unharmed you will come to the coordinates indicated on this tracker.” A map shot out of the glove box and fluttered to the ground, almost comically slow, in front of the Decepticon. With Charlie still inside, they turned into a plane and flew off.

Bumblebee shifted out of car form and pointed his plasma gun at the retreating plane. He quickly thought better of it since Charlie could get hurt if the Decepticon crashed or jettisoned her.

“We should regroup with the Autobots and plan our next move. There… there has to be a way to get her back safely without putting you or the planet in danger.”

The Constructor tugged on his arm but Bumblebee pulled himself free once again. Punctuating his disdain with a glare, visor still down. The radio blared static and it got the point across aptly.

“I lost everything and everyone I cared about.” She said quietly as she clenched her fists, metal scraping on metal showing just how tight her grip was. “I don’t like fighting, or war, or the Decepticons. If we’re being perfectly honest, I don’t really like any of you Autobots either because YOU’RE the ones who were doing all the fighting!” Her feet ground into the pavement causing it to crack and chip.

There was a long silence as Bumblebee stared at her taken aback when confronted with the fact there isn’t just one side in a war.

“But…” She started more calmly now. “Even though you couldn’t save all the innocent lives lost in this war…” She looked up at Bumblebee with determination. “You aren’t the ones who deliberately put them in danger to begin with. I could stop you from going. I could imprison you with my nanobots because you would be doing the EXACT same thing as the Decepticons. Deliberately putting all the innocent lives on this planet in danger for that one human. Are you prepared to bare the burden of responsibility if we fail? You and you alone?” She gave him a challenging poke to the chest.

His optics darted back and forth rapidly as he tried to process his response.

“Why do you fight, B-1… Excuse me…” She shook her head. “Why do you fight, Bumblebee?”

That single question seemed to harden his resolve. His optics focused on the Constructor before he nodded his head, radio whirred through stations until it spelled out his reason. It didn’t blare loud for all the world to hear. It was quiet and sincere.

“In that case,” She smiled slightly. “I’m not asking you to trust me, but let me help you.”

Bumblebee looked down at her outstretched hand and hesitated.

The Constructor smiled ruefully. “It is asking a lot, I suppose. Let’s go before it’s too late.” She glanced off where the Decepticon had gone briefly. “Please lead the way.”

Bumblebee shifted back into car mode and peeled away. Unlike the last time, he made sure the Constructor could nominally keep up with him. Traffic gradually gave away to open roads as they sped down a nearly abandoned access. After turning down a rough access road, the forest opened up to an abandoned mine. Standing cockily at the edge of the pit mine was the Decepticon. They bent over and picked up Charlie from where she sat bound in chains on the ground. They rattled ominously as the Decepticon held her in the air by the waist. Bumblebee’s radio whirred wildly as he skid to a stop by changing into his bot form. He was clearly worried for Charlie.

“We have come as you requested. Please release the human as agreed.”

“The agreement was for B-127 to cooperate with us. I have no use for you.” The Decepticon sneered as a needle shot up from the end of a slender digit. “Let’s make this interesting…” He stabbed the needle into Charlie’s neck.

Charlie let out a momentary scream of pain before gritting her teeth. “Don’t, Bee. Don’t help them.”

The Decepticon snickered before yanking the needle out. “Those are your Nanobots, C-377. The imperfect ones you left behind, but they’ll still drain this girl of all her energy.”

Bumblebee immediate bristled at this comment. His visor locked into place and his plasma gun primed.

“Ah… none of that. Shoot me and you won’t be able to stop the nanobots.” The Decepticon wagged a mocking finger at Bumblebee with a wicked grin.

Bumblebee lowered his gun rather begrudgingly.

“You are not in this alone.” The Constructor whispered encouragingly. “I will be very convincing.”

“So, what’s the verdict?”

Bumblebee sighed deeply and started walking forward with his hands up.

“B-127…” A sharp voice from behind him made him stop. “Would you really sacrifice all other life on this planet for one?”

Bumblebee spared her a sharp glance over his shoulder. It was then he noticed the shimmer and remembered what happened the last time her monolith disappeared. He gave her an understanding nod before focusing on Charlie again.

“Then you leave me no choice.”

Bumblebee didn’t look back again. One slow step in front of the other he marched towards the Decepticon. With his sole focus on Charlie, he missed the unsettling way they behaved. The Decepticon was very excited every time Bumblebee took a step forward. They did a happy little jig, jostling Charlie in the process.

The Constructor watched careful from behind until she noticed something. She soon noticed the Decepticon was only looking at the ground. That had to be important…

“Bumblebee! Do not take another step forward!” Using his real name signaled to him to stop. “It’s a trap! There’s something in the ground!”

Bumblebee looked around but didn’t see anything immediately in his path. He picked up his foot and set it down in a slightly different place. That slight movement was all it took to spring the trap. A burst of electricity rippled through his body overloading his circuits and sending a huge Energon burst out.

“BEE!” Charlie screamed desperately as she watched her friend fall to his knees. She kicked and screamed but couldn’t free herself.

“Perhaps you should start concerning yourself with your own situation. Your value as a hostage has been spent after all.” The Decepticon jeered as they eyed Charlie with a wicked jeer. Without a second thought, they tossed her into the pit.

Bumblebee tried to call out to her but his radio just bogged down and flickered like a car trying to start when there isn’t enough power. The last thing he saw before blacking out was Charlie disappearing over the edge.

The words of the Constructor echoed in his mind. “You are not in this alone.”

“I trusted you… That was a mistake.” The warnings flashing on his screens suddenly stopped. His optics snapped open. Before his very eyes, Charlie was levitating in the air, bounds removed. A faint shimmer covered her whole body and he realized she was covered in nanobots. He looked around wildly and saw the Constructor kiting the Decepticon around as they fired at her. She was fast, but extremely clumsy in her movements. He knew it was only a matter of time before she got hit.

He staggered to his feet, sensors still not fully recovered, and stumbled towards Charlie. After just a few steps, an electric jolt shot up around him. He prepared for another frying, but the shock never came. Instead, the electricity seemed to be diverting around him then disappearing completely.

“The nanobots can take any kind of energy and turn it into Energon.” The audio played back in his head. His gaze darted to the Constructor quickly. The horrible realization settled in: If her nanobots were helping him and Charlie, she was truly defenseless.

“I’m fine, Bee. I’m fine.” She smiled brightly for him as she looked up into his optics for a moment that seemed like an eternity. The trance seemed to break for both of them at the same time and they both collapsed into a hug. “I missed you so much…”

Bumblebee nuzzled her cheek as if to say he missed her too. He finally pulled away when a nearby explosion caught his attention.

“You should help her. I’ll just go hide over there.”

Bumblebee nodded stoically as his visor clicked into place. He turned towards where the Decepticon had the Constructor pinned to the ground. He fired his plasma gun to break them apart before charging forward.

Charlie watched for a moment before heading towards the cover of the trees. It quickly became apparent something was wrong as she had to push harder and harder just to move. All her limbs felt sluggish and heavy. The tiredness quickly started spreading to her mind as an overwhelming urge to sleep took her. The last thing she saw before darkness consumed her was the tree line and a fistful of leaves in her hand.

“Now how did you get free?” The Decepticon pondered as they squared off with Bumblebee. “Was it my vacillating former colleague?” They glanced down at the Constructor as she tried to drag herself away. “You are just full of tricks, aren’t you? But I think you’ve used them all up now!” They gave her a swift kick that sent her rolling towards Bumblebee.

“I will… take care of Charlie.” She pulled herself up and started retreating towards the fallen human.

With no other distractions to come between them, Bumblebee focused on the Decepticon. “You have a codename now too. My codename is Doppel. I have a twin named Ganger.” The Decepticon went on to explain they used to be Constructors too but now they work for the Decepticons.

After a few moments listening to Doppel’s prattling Bumblebee started firing.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners?!”

If ever Bumblebee wished he had his voice back it was now. Unable to deliver any sort of retort, he just kept firing. Unlike the other Constructor, Doppel clearly had some combat experience. Only some. This was not going to be as easy as he hoped, but still doable.

“Miss Charlie. Please wake up.” C-377 gently lifted Charlie into her arms.

“Just 5 more minutes…” Charlie muttered absently as she swatted at the air.

“Well she still has basic functions…” A quick scan revealed a glimmer of hope. “These nanobots are very old and extremely inefficient. It seems her body’s energy generation is outpacing their ability to absorb it as long as she is in maintenance mode.” The Constructor gave Charlie a troubled look as she tried to shut down the nanobots. “Not them too…” Her gaze shot up to Bumblebee.

“STOP! Don’t destroy him!”

Bumblebee looked back at C-377 incredulously.

“We need him to shut down the nanobots inside Charlie!” She scooped Charlie up and started walking toward the fighting pair. “You have control of my nanobots. Order them to isolate a sample of his Energon.”

“Like I would ever let that happen…” Doppel jeered from his place under one of Bumblebee’s feet.

Suddenly, Charlie let out a bloodcurdling scream.

“He overloaded the bots. We have to hurry or they’ll drain her dry then blow up!” She was frantic now as red warnings flooded her screens.

Blood red optics glared down at Doppel as Bumblebee grabbed his neck with a crushing grip. A long, thin needle grew out of his knuckle. He jabbed it into Doppel’s chest with far more force than was needed. The needle took on a red hue quickly as it filled with Energon.

“It’s not going to be enough…” Doppel jeered as he fell back to his knees. Those were the last words he ever said.

“Bumblebee! Hurry! I have to use that sample to hack the nanobots before they explode!”

Bumblebee turn and saw Charlie encased in the monolith. The monolith was taking on a red glow. C-377‘s expression became increasingly grim. “I… not enough time. Preservation protocol Alpha!” An explosive flash of light momentarily blinded them both.

“The nanobots created a pocket dimension where time moves at a fraction of what it does here.” C-377 explained as Bumblebee’s optics locked on the glowing sphere before him. “As you might imagine, that requires a large volume of energy. I need your help keeping it stable for a few more moments while I finish disabling the nanobots.” To emphasize this point, her energy collection wings were spread open wide and Energon coursed down her arms into the sphere.

Bumblebee tentatively reached out to sphere and solid plates former beneath his hands. Even before his hands touched the plates he could feel his energy to be pulled to his hands. He hesitated for a moment before pressing his hands to the plates. Instantly, the Energon started to drain from him in massive waves. His sensors indicated an eminent shut down in a matter of moments but he focused on Charlie. Suddenly, she was no longer obscured by the veil of energy and nanobots.

“Charlie?” He started at hearing his own voice.

“Who’s there?” Charlie spun around quickly. “BEE!” She ran up to him happily.

He scooped her up in an embrace. “I’m glad you’re all right.”

“Same, buddy. But… where are we and what’s going on?” She looked around confused by their surroundings.

“You were infected with Nanobots that were draining your energy and then were going to explode. That other Cybertronian put you in a pocket dimension while she shut them down.”

“Oh. No big deal then.” She seemed to take that news in stride. “And the Decepticon?”

“Destroyed.”

“So… I guess we just have to wait for her to finish and we’ll get out of here.” She sat down and patted the place besides her.

“Probably.” Bumblebee answered opting to settle in behind her and hug her midsection.

“Probably? You mean you don’t know?” Charlie looked a bit alarmed as she gripped Bumblebee’s hand.

“I’ve never worked with her before. In fact, we just met earlier today. I’m still not entirely convinced I can trust her.”

“She saved my life.” Charlie said simply. “She said every life is precious.”

“You trust her then?”

“I have no reason not to.”

“Then… I guess I can trust her too.” Though he said this begrudgingly still.

“How long have you been able to talk, by the way?” Charlie spun around to look him in the eyes again.

“How long have I been in here with you?”

“Does that mean you might not be able to talk once you get out of here?”

“Yeah.” Seeing the disappointment she was trying to hide made him regretful. “But I’ll always have the voice you gave me.” He tapped the radio gently.

“That’s true.” She seemed content with this as she settled her back against the plates of his chest again. “I don’t suppose you can pick up any stations in a pocket dimension, can you?”

“Probably not.” He sounded amused as he answered. Still, he gave the dial a spin anyways.

“B-127!” Familiar voices flooded the space. “I mean Bumblebee! Listen you have to let go! Your Spark is being absorbed!”

“That sounds bad.” Charlie mirrored the Constructor’s worry.

“It is. Our Spark is the thing that gives us life and makes us who we are.” He paused to look around. “I don’t know how to go back.”

Charlie immediately jumped to her feet and put her hands on his shoulders. “Bee! You… you have to find a way to go back! Your soul… Your soul is here and if you can’t get back your body you’ll be gone forever!” Tears streamed freely down her cheeks.

Charlie doesn’t cry for just anyone… She only cries for the people she really cares about…

“Don’t worry!” He wiped the tears from her cheeks with gentle thumbs.

“What did you do to C-377?!”

“I’m not going to leave you.” He took her hands from his shoulders and wrapped her in a warm embrace.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“No matter what…” He nuzzled her head to his chest.

“Who else could have done this?!”

“I’ll always be with you.” A barely audible whisper.

“I think… he did this himself.”

“Because I…”

The arguing voice over the radio faded to static all at once. A blinding flash ripped through the space and then, nothing. It took a long time for Charlie to resister the cold feeling of metal on her limbs. But once she did, her whole body went into hyper-drive. Her eyes snapped open and were greeted with the Autobots weapons drawn and pointed at her in the distance. In foreground was the blunt end of some very sharp looking spikes floating in the air. She spun around and saw the very haggard looking Constructor looking back at her with barely glowing eyes.

“Wow! What happened to you? Oh yeah a fight! If we go back to my garage I could fix you!” It was all one word spoken at an almost incomprehensible speed.

“Miss Charlie.”

“We could give you an awesome paint job too! OH! What kind of vehicle do you turn into?! I bet it’s some snazzy sports car!”

“MISS CHARLIE!” C-377 grabbed her by the arms carefully. “I need to focus right now, hard as that may be.” Her voice was failing and the glow in her eyes flickered. “Everything Bumblebee ever was, is, or will be is inside of you right now.” The Constructors cold hands slid down Charlie’s arms making the human focus on herself for the first time. Her whole body was glowing blue.

“His Spark?”

“Yes. You are the only one who can bring him back now.” She gestured to Bumblebee’s lifeless body beside them.

“You big idiot.” Charlie whispered in exasperation as she crawled up next to his head. “When you said you weren’t going to leave me, did you really think I’d be happy with this?” She rested her hands on his faceplates and put her forehead to his. “If you’re not here, what’s the point?” Her whole body started to glow brighter. The glow travelled up her body and grew brightest where she touched Bumblebee. Once all the glow had faded, there was a long moment of uncertainty.

Radio static broke the silence and Bumblebee’s optics slowly lit up. A collective sigh of relief filled the air, none louder than the Constructor’s. She slumped over on her side and rolled short distance away as the spikes her nanobots created melted away to nothing. As the revelry around her reached a fever pitch she tried to summon up the strength to form her monolith again. The transparent wings on her back flickered dimly but could not generate any power.

“Overheated…” She muttered bitterly. She let out a tired sigh. “Bumblebee.” She called out to him but he couldn’t hear over the celebration. “Bumblebee.” A bit louder this time. “BUMBLEBEE!” She yelled as loud as she could finally garnering the attention of the others. The looks were not entirely kind but she endured it anyways.

“I cannot access my monolith at this time. You are the only one who can shut down the experiment on this planet.” She reached up weakly and offered him a small stick made out of nanobots. “This has all the instructions you need to order the nanobots to permanently fuse into Energon batteries. I suggest having them coalesce in a secure location. It will take quite some time for all of them to fuse.”

Bumblebee was quick to shake his head.

“You still don’t trust me. I cannot blame you on this.” She replied defeated.

He quickly shook his head. The radio spun through countless stations and static but nothing of use for what he wanted to say came up. Now it was his turn to sigh. Then his head quirked up and he looked a bit disturbed.

“Please speak your mind now.” C-377 said wearily.

“Hello?” Bumblebee spoke tentatively. Everyone looked shocked. “You… should be the one to finish it. See this through to the end. That is… one of the principles of the Autobots.”

“You have shown yourself an ally. I hope in time we can come to some kind of better understanding.” Optimus spoke clearly and definitively.

“With all due respect, Master Prime, I have no interest in siding with the Autobots or the Decepticons. I would like to try to remain neutral. However, it is clear the Decepticons and I do not share one important core value.”

“Every life is precious.” Charlie answered quietly.

“Yes. Hate me if you must, but I refuse to be a tool of destruction.” She clasped her fingers around the bar in her hand. “That’s why I have to shut down all the experiments.” She dropped the bar into Bumblebee’s hand. “And why I can’t join you right now. Please finish this for me so I can move on to the next planet.” She gave him a wry smile. “Besides, they won’t respond to me anyways.”

Bumblebee looked suddenly bashful, perhaps because he remembered why they would only respond to him. Still, he took the stick this time. With that out of the way, the Constructor shut down.

 “Couldn’t she at least pick a 40s streetrod or something? No. She picks a rusted out… Something…” Charlie groaned as she wiped the sweat from her brow. “But she cleans up great once you give her a nice buff and shine.”

Bumblebee beeped with approval from the driveway.

“Do you think she’ll ever wake up?”

The chorus to “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey started playing.

“Yeah… It’s only been a few days.” Charlie wandered over to Bumblebee and climbed in the driver seat. “How about you? How long are you going to be in town?”

The chorus to “Tainted Love” by Soft Cell started playing.

“Yeah. I figured you could only stick around until she left. Optimus filled me in on Constructors and how they got their bad reputation. Not siding with anyone made a lot of people think they were turning a blind eye to all the death and destruction. I bet some of them were just scared of getting used to do bad stuff.”

“Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie started playing.

“Why… is there so much noise?” There was a loud thud and the pair looked into the garage. The Constructor was in bot form ducking to keep from hitting the ceiling seemingly for a second time.

“She’s a wake!” Charlie beamed hopping to her feet.

“It would seem I have been repaired as well. Do I have you to thank for this, Miss Charlie?”

“Looks like you picked up some country when you scanned that pickup. What with the Miss Charlie and all.” Charlie poked fun of the Constructor with a fake Southern accent.

“I suppose my speech patterns were slightly altered. I will correct them.”

“Nah, it gives you character! Like all those, uh, dents and stuff!” Charlie vaguely motioned to a large dent on the bot’s posterior.

“I see. I did just scan the first vehicle I came across.”

“How about something like this?” Charlie showed her a full spread of a street rod in a magazine.

“It does have a certain aesthetic appeal. However, it will have to wait for another time. I must leave now and complete my mission.” She looked to Bumblebee grimly. “Did you?”

“The battery thing?” Charlie looked between them quickly. “Yeah there are already so many of them!”

Bumblebee turned around and popped the trunk to reveal two batteries. The Constructor reached down and took one out. A faint smile came across her face.

“I’m glad to see my proof of concept was valid. But in making the nanobots so adaptable so they could gather energy harmlessly… I created something truly terrible. I cannot apologize enough for all the danger I put you both in.” She carefully put the battery back in his trunk.

“So how many more experiments do you have to shut down?” Charlie asked looking to the Constructor.

“Nine. But they can be shut down remotely assuming my back up bases weren’t found and destroyed by the Decepticons. Then it’s just a matter of collecting the batteries.” A desolate air settled over her. “Though, I have no idea what to do with them now that Cybertron has fallen.”

“Collect them for the day when we reclaim Cybertron. Or, for when we make a new home for our people.” The brightly painted and ostentatious Semi tractor said from the street.

“Master Prime.” The constructor looked startled for a moment but quickly regained composure. “I will look forward to that day.”

She took a few steps forward and turned back into a truck.

“Hey wait!” Charlie grabbed her tailgate to keep her from moving. “You need a codename! That way you can communicate and no one will know it’s you!”

“A codename? Like Bumblebee?”

“Yeah!”

“I wouldn’t know how to decide on such a thing. Please call me whatever you wish, Miss Charlie.”

“Then I’m calling you Seraphim!”

“When I return, you will have to explain to me it’s meaning and why you chose it for me.” With that she pulled away and followed Optimus down the road, a faint shimmer distorted the air as she went.

“Aren’t you going with them?” Charlie looked to Bumblebee expectantly.

“Push it” by Salt-n-Pepa started playing as Bumblebee slowly drove towards her. She backed up into the garage with a confused expression.

“Do you know what that song is about, Bee?” He didn’t answer as the garage door slid down. “Don’t you tease me, Bee.”

[canaryatlaw]

still stuck in incognito mode for tumblr....I think I had restarted the computer since it started but I can’t fully remember so I’ll probably try that at some point. not like it’s super difficult to pull up on incognito mode tab and sign in, but still. anyway. today was fine. I was concerned I was going to have bad cramps all day, and when I woke up to my alarm at 8:45 I was like oh huh, I can’t feel any cramps right now and then I got up and started getting ready and like two minutes later it was like OH YEP, THERE THEY ARE! So I took advil and made sure I had my heating pad, at least it’s so much better to be at home for this instead of having to run between courtrooms. so they were moderately annoying but not too bad. I had this final court date for a motion up today that was super complicated and we were definitely verging into unfound territory. this is the client where she’s a few years older than me and she is so cool and I just want to be her friend haha I mean I can’t give details but her life is so high quality (minus the guy that’s stalking her of course) so I really liked working with her. it’s been a ride because when we filed the motion we knew it was going to be a long shot that probably wouldn’t get granted, but then the dude stopped showing up for court dates, at which point the motion is supposed to be granted in default since he didn’t show but the judge wasn’t too inclined to do that either. so we had a final go at it today, the judge had instructed us to bring back a witness of a certain sort and we couldn’t do that so we found one as close as we could, but the judge wasn’t satisfied, so he partially granted the motion which is helpful at least. so that was kind of bittersweet, but it looks like at this point she might be moving to a new job anyway, which is different than when we started this on February. So yeah, after that I had two smaller cases to deal with, we’re such a hot mess in our office right now. I sent my work buddy a crisis text last night because I didn’t realize I was assigned to two different cases with one in courtroom 2 and one in 3 (those aren’t their actual numbers, but it works for this) with the one in 2 being the motion, and he had a case up in 3 so he agreed to handle that case for me, then I get a text this morning asking if I can cover two more of his cases that were set for 2, so it’s a very fine balancing act really but the ones he sent to me this morning were super easy only took two minutes after saying a few things to the judge, so I wasn’t bothered by it at all since we’re clearly trying our best to cover for one another. and then of course I was running the hotline with work buddy as my back up because like of fucking course. that wasn’t too bad though, got two sets of volunteers set up on different cases, the paperwork for both came in at the same time I reviewed one and work buddy did the other, we were about to finalize things and file, then I was waiting for the remote hearing with the client and HOOOOOH BOY did this hearing take some twists. we’d barely started when the judge asked the client if he knew the dude we were filing against had come in earlier that day to file against him, which happens fairly commonly, and the client said yes and I pretty much exploded on the spot, when I asked him after he said he actually didn’t but it sounded like something the dude would do so he said yes and I was just like dude you almost gave me a heart attack in there haha so we laughed a little afterwards. At that point in the hearing though I thought we were sunk, because when there’s two cross petitions they won’t grant an emergency order for both sides, so if the other guy had been there we couldn’t get an emergency, excepttttttt the dude was denied an emergency order and just have an ongoing case, so we were able to proceed to an EOP hearing which was granted without much issue. the judge we were in front of is one I hardly ever see because she does all criminal cases and just very occasionally ends up on the OP roster for a shift, but in the years I spent at the courthouse watching my cases and other cases, I’ve seen her for years and years now, so it was kind of weird to be in front of her when I had seen so much of her cases in the past. she’s definitely a tough nut to crack, but her decisions were always fair and if the case was clear she wouldn’t hesitate to grant it. one part though is that she really hates the new forms my office started using back in January, and I was laughing about it in my head because I’m pretty sure she’s said that every time she got them for the last 9 months. so we had that over at least, I sent the client an intake for us to represent him in the case, especially with the cross petitions going on having a lawyer would definitely be helpful. the rest of the day kinda cleared itself up and I was done from there. we recorded a podcast episode at 7 which went pretty well, and after that I watched some more of fresh off the boat until slightly after 10 when I switched to the news and various late shows before showering and starting to get ready for bed, and now I’m here and it’s just past 1:30 am and I have court in the morning so I should really get to bed, though I might have some free time to take a nap between court and the afternoon meeting but I may end up having shit to do during that time anyway, so I guess well see, but yeah that’s it. Goodnight peeps. Hope you had a decent day back at work. 

[the-silly-hippy]

Can you afford being healthy?

So let’s say my goal is to have optimal health, both physical and mental, what should I do? Off the top of my head I’m thinking gym, organic food, green smoothies, psychotherapy, social life, maybe supplements. All of which sound very expensive compared to staying at home watching TV and eating corndogs. So for a long time, I thought I couldn’t afford taking care of my health. But then I had to, so I got creative.

Health is an investment

The first thing to keep in mind is that taking care of your health now will save you money (and trouble) in the future. Being sick is expensive: medication, hospital bills, missing work, etc. I try to remember that every time time I want to go for McDonalds instead of.. anything else really.. to save a buck.

Time to hang out with friends

Taking care of your mental health also means having a social life and leisure. What do you need for that? Time. Why don’t you have enough time? Mostly because of work. Why do you have to work so much? Because life is so fucking expensive. So my logic is: if I need less things, and if I spend less on things I have to buy, that means more time for me. I’ll summarize this in two words: thrift stores and simplicity.

First, go for simplicity

Try to buy less stuff and when you want to buy, ask yourself if you really need it, that’s basic. To avoid feeling in a place of scarcity and lack, think of something you really do want, and make it your goal, your reward. So instead of thinking “I shouldn’t buy this, I don’t absolutely need it. That sucks, I can’t have anything nice

” You could shift that to: “If I don’t buy this dress that I probably wouldn’t wear much, it means I’m $45 closer my trip to Bali :D”. Consistently doing this keep you exited about your goal because, how often do we want to buy things we don’t really need? That’s right, you’ll have your reward in mind very often.

Simplicity in your products

I think that a good first step to take towards health is eliminate toxicity. To do that, what often makes sense is to simplify: go for foods that have the less ingredients, or that are totally unprocessed. Same goes for cosmetics. Look for products that only contain a few ingredients that you can recognize, or if you’re so inclined, you can even make them yourself, thus, saving more money. So, weather it goes on your body or in your body, a healthy and cost effective solution is to buy ingredients in bulk and start cooking.

Save on food and reduce food waste with apps

Get this: you install an app on your phone (Flashfood is one but I’m sure there are a couple others), and it shows you products that are close to expiration date that groceries near you are selling at a discounted price. I can’t stand seeing food go to waste, and my cheap ass just loves save 50%, so this concept really is pure gold for me. These apps allow me to have access to meat that I couldn’t normally afford, which allows me to pursue my quest for the best diet for my body (I used to be a vegan, I’m now on an API diet, what’s next?!). You can find vegetables, bakery, seafood, anything. I’d say I buy 80% of my groceries through these apps now. Buying in bulk and cooking? Well that is possible with the apps. Having a truck load of bell peppers will sure spark your creativity, as you have to use them before they go bad.

Freeze food

That brings us to the freezer. If you can get a second-hand freezer (I suppose some models consume less electricity, you might want to look for these), that might be the best investment you make this year. Because if you’re half as obsessed as I am about health and simplicity, there’s just not enough room in your standard freezer for all that healthy food you’ll buy at a 50% discount. See where this is going? Buy basic ingredients in bulk, cook huge batches, freeze portions. You saved time and money and you get to eat as healthy as you want to.

DIY your skin and hair products

You’re lucky there is a big trend on DIY products right now, so recipes are easy to find for pretty much everything you want to make. There are some ingredients that have multiple uses, like castille soap or baking soda for instance, so these are a good choice for a starter kit. I tried making solid shampoo and I must say it’s very satisfying to successfully wash your hair with a shampoo you made with your own two hands! And to know you’re not sending chemicals in the water, and in your scalp. And not buying another plastic bottle. And throwing it away when empty. The shampoo bar cost approximately $7 and will last for.. I dunno like ten million showers. I also make my own face serum with two ingredients: jojoba oil and tea tree. Speaking of oil (sweet almond in this case), it’s the best and cheapest makeup remover, period. I used to buy very expensive natural face care products but I was frustrated that there was no visible improvement of my skin. I wanted to test them on half my face for a couple months to demonstrate how ineffective they actually were but I never had the required discipline. If you don’t see noticeable improvement in your face after using a product for a while, stop buying that shit and just rub your face with oil. Because the one you’re buying probably contains mostly oil anyway and the rest of the fancy ingredients are probably in traces amount and completely useless. And don’t even get me started on the non-natural products. Ew.

Get rid of plastic

They say (the same “they” I always talk about when I don’t have sources) that if you store food in plastic containers of drink out of plastic bottles, plastic gets in your body and can cause health problems, hormone imbalance and whatnot. A good alternative are glass containers. The tupperware style with lids can be pricey if you buy them new, so the strategy here is: no stress, buy just a couple at a time when you find them at the salvation army and gradually eliminate the plastic ones. When I say eliminate I mean re-purpose or give to good will. As good hippies, let’s try to produce less waste! There’s also the very trendy mason jar, so practical to store food and – Pinterest shows us every day – anything you can think of.

Drink the best possible water

I’ve heard that tap water contains traces of birth control pills, antidepressants, antibiotics, etc. I don’t have the expertise to know if it’s true but it did scare me. I’m the kind of hippie that will avoid taking a small innocent ibuprofen if I can. I don’t want drugs in my body, unless it’s going to be fun and psychedelic. I certainly have a lack of scientific evidence about traces of drugs in the city’s water supply but my nose and taste buds tell me that chlorine isn’t something I should drink. There’s also fluoride in the water, that is arguably bad for you. These are the reasons I decided to stop drinking tap water. What are the alternatives? I had a Brita but it doesn’t eliminate much of the bad stuff. Plus, it’s made of plastic. The high quality water filters are just ridiculously expensive so my only option was to buy bottled water. Not small bottles, the big ones that are reused when you bring them back to the store. It felt weird to buy water when there’s plenty in the tap but, my god, does it taste better. And I’ve read it hydrates you better too. Hydration is a key component of health, that’s for sure, so if you can’t afford to buy water, still, drink a liter a day, you’ll be healthier than if you let yourself dry like a raisin. I hesitated to make that water bottle move for a bit because I thought I needed to buy a water dispenser, but it turns out I don’t need it at all. I just leave the bottle on the counter and I got used really quickly to flip that giant heavy thing. Now I can pour myself a shot glass of water without spilling a drop. No need to buy a machine. Also, it’s best to drink it at room temperature, and it’s empty within a week of two so I figure it doesn’t have time to grow bacteria, or algae or whatever happens to water when you let it sit.

Sleeping is free

We underestimate the role that sleep has to play in our health so we often neglect it, but a good sleep hygiene can make a huge difference in your energy level, I’ve experienced it. I was always tired, couldn’t get through the day without a nap, couldn’t concentrate, I was unable to get up in the morning. Then a doctor prescribed that I take melatonin every night at 6 pm for two weeks, go to bed at 10, wake up at 7 and blast a light therapy lamp in my face for half an hour every morning. I did that and guess what? It. Worked. I didn’t follow the exact hours he prescribed and I’m not sure the melatonin had a good effect on me so I only took it for a couple days. So I think what does the trick is consistently waking up at the same time each morning, regardless of what time you go to bed. Occasionally I get only four hours of sleep and usually the next day I’d be unable to function. Now that I wake up at regular hours, I can go through the day and have so much energy that I even forget I got only 4 hours of sleep. A phrase he said about staying in bed later to catch up on you sleep stuck with me: it’s too hard for the system. It had not occurred to me that it could be difficult for the body to change its sleep schedule. I thought “as long as I get 8 hours I’m fine” or even “the more sleep the better, I’ll sleep 12 hours today”. So if you happen to have sleep problems, irregular sleep pattern or fatigue, set an alarm and get some light in the morning, see what happens. Hopefully your body will adjust to the schedule and you won’t need the alarm after a week, and your mornings will be less painful. Another thing I didn’t take seriously was avoiding blue light in the evening. But it turns out it’s serious, it really does mess with your natural sleep hormones. So I installed f.lux on all my screens. It’s an app that will cut the blue light out of your screen according to the time of day. My screen is yellow right now because I’m too silly to go to bed at a normal time, I prefer to write a blog post. I used to binge watch TV on my computer very late in the night and not feel tired. I realized after installing the app that it was the blue light that was keeping me up. Now I watch an episode and start to yawn, so that’s a good thing, less TV.

Meditation is free

According to every damn article I read or podcast I listen to, meditation is one of the healthiest thing you can do. Good news: all you have to do is sit there and breathe. Now that, you can afford. No time? A minute a day is still better than nothing. If you need a little help to begin, there are tons of free apps you can install. I use Breathe and Calm, which also has some nice sleep stories.

Functional training

Exercising at home requires more discipline, at least in my experience, but if you can pull it off, it means more money in your pocket. You don’t necessarily need those machines to have an effective workout. The weight of your body will do. Remember those good old push ups? Yep. YouTube will help you find some exercises ideas for what part of your body you want to work out. Weights can be found easily at thrift stores. Elastic bands offer multiple possibilities and are not too expensive. Cardio is important too so if running outside isn’t an option, because breathing smog will annihilate any benefits of working out, for instance, maybe look for a stationary bike in the ads.

You can still party

Even if you’ve decided that for health reasons, alcohol, sugar and carbs are to avoid, you can still allow yourself to have them every once in a while. Just don’t binge, and limit the damage. For example, I drink on rare but meaningful occasions and I choose low sugar and gluten free drinks like vodka-soda or gin-soda. That’s the protecting my health part, now for the protecting my wallet. Go to the liquor store and find the best value alcohol. Not the will-make-you-go-blind kind of alcohol, because that’s not healthy. Usually a big-ass bottle of average quality vodka will be a good price to quantity ratio, and will give you an occasion to let go of what the cashier thinks of you as a person. Vodka is pretty much tasteless so that leaves you more drinks possibilities. (plus, you can DIY perfume using vodka: avoiding chemicals on your skin and saving $200, yay)! Sugar in food now. It’s always best to choose natural sugars like honey, instead or refined sugar, or use stevia. Man, stevia is the best: it tastes like sugar, but it’s not. It’ll make your food taste sweet and do zero damage. Buy in a giant bottle to save money. Hell, you could even grow your own stevia plant! Let’s go crazy! You can also pour a drop in your vodka. Now that’s starting to look like a party to me! The use of the word honey and saving money just made me think of a fine browser extension you can use for online shopping. It’s called Honey and it can notify you when a product you watch goes on sale. It can also find and apply coupon codes for you. Here’s the only referral link in this article: my link to Honey. So, where were we. Sugar. When I stopped eating sugar, I bought dark unsweetened chocolat in bulk, thinking it would taste like dark 70% chocolate. Oh, was I wrong. It tastes bitter. That’s the only thing you’ll taste in sugar free dark chocolate. But it’s cheap to buy in bulk and I can control what goes into it, so from time to time I like to melt some in a pan, add stevia and eat that with bananas.

Let’s talk! What are your secrets to stay healthy and how do you afford it?

[itslitlils]

Going Head to Head With Fear

My biggest fears are as follows: heights, time, not being good enough, and loss. There you have it, a really big part of who I am has been revealed to you. I usually don’t tell people about those last two, but I am telling you for a reason. You’ll figure that out soon enough, though. 

Let me tell you about some things I’ve done, today. First, I woke up at 9 am instead of my usual time, which is anywhere between 12 and 2 pm.  I spent 10 minutes on a step climber despite the fact I wanted off on more than one occasion. The first time, I realized how high up the steps were and that I would be up there the whole time, climbing stairs (I fear stairs as they fall under the height category). The second time was at 5 minutes when I felt like I was shaking so much I would slip or pass out if I didn’t get off myself. But, I persevered, and I did it.  Thirdly, I worked out my left arm. Fourth, I did homework while also getting out and spending some quality time with a dear friend of mine, Olivia Lieb. AND, I got to FaceTime one of my best friends, Silas. I went to a video shoot that a classmate of mine, Derek, is working very hard on. And, I changed my tire. 

Now, I find myself here, making this post before going back to my homework. 

Look, each of those things are things I’ve had to work towards, teach myself, or force myself into. As mentioned in one of my previous posts, my fear of time has often kept me up at night, as I hate the idea of wasting something that I can’t earn more of. However, lately, I’ve been finding ways to wind down and go to bed at a somewhat decent hour. Some nights, I shower, read my bible, and watch an episode of The Office before knocking out. Other nights, I have to pop a little pill by the name of Melatonin. (If your brain doesn’t make its own neurotransmitters, store bought are perfectly fine, from what I understand.)  Regardless, I sleep well, and I usually wake up to my alarm, feeling pretty well rested. This way, I can more of my day, and I can actually socialize during the times I’m awake instead of grunting and hissing at any form of human interaction. My fear of time has motivated me to make more of the time I do have.

My fear of heights had very little to do with my overcoming the step climber, but it did play a small role (There’s no way I’m going to be beat by three extra feet between me and the ground. I’m not losing to three feet). The big thing that motivated me to stay on the step climber is also the thing that is motivating me to go to the gym. That is... drum roll..... My fear of Not being good enough. I’ve been overweight my whole life, and I’m sick of it. I’m going to the gym, and I’m trying to eat better (that’s the hard part, because I am the P I C K I E S T eater I know). That’s why I’m going to the gym, I just want to be healthier so I’m not so conscious of my appearance, so I’m not so scared of being rejected based off of it. And it’s so much more than just my appearance, it’s just the essence of who I am. Thus, the video shoot and a number of other things. I just have to tell myself that the best I can do is my best, and if that isn’t good enough, then tough. I’ve been learning to be nicer to myself and to love myself more. It’s a very slow process, and sometimes I question if I’m even improving, although I know I am. I’m no better than anyone else on this planet, but I’m also the best person I know. 

I might be a little too sassy at times, and maybe a little too loud in some settings. I’ve been told I’m shy, that I appear to be rude at first, and that I don’t really have a spine. But, I’m so frickin’ funny. I improvise well. I write decently. I’m kind. I give good compliments. I’m smart. I love people, and apparently, people love me. 

Which moves us into loss. Not much of my day had anything to do with Loss, but I do try to love people with everything I have, because I am so scared of losing someone I love. I’m also especially terrified of people I love dying or going away and them not knowing that somebody or myself loves them. When my dad was in the hospital the first night of his accident, he spent it in the ICU. We were told he probably wouldn’t be making it, and that terrified me so badly that I could not bring myself to leave the hospital (Although I HATE hospitals). I spent the night in a hospital for the first time since my parents took me home on December 26, 1997. Miraculously, my dad woke up that night rather than passing away. In turn, a prayer was answered, and I got more time with my dad. I got to tell him I love him, and I got to hear he loved me some more. We thought he was going to be okay, and then his health started onto another decline. I still remember the evening before he passed, watching my mother trying to feed him his favorite meal, and realizing we didn’t have much time left. I begged my mom to let me stay that evening, but I had school the next day. I had already missed too much school, and she told me he would be okay. I went home. The next day, he was gone. 

Nobody was there for him. 

I live with that everyday. The very thought of something like that happening again petrifies me. I want people to know I love them. Matter of fact, one of my favorite questions to ask people is “If you were to never see or hear from _____________ what would you miss most about them?” I feel like it tells me a lot about how much you truly value them, and what you value them for. I try to let everyone know what my answer for them would be every day through my words and my actions. 

The point here, today, is to drive yourself into uncomfortable things. Fear doesn’t have to be your driving force, but let it fuel you rather than shutting you down. Say, “I won’t be beat. I’m doing this.” Gear up and get going. Eventually, fear may not be fear anymore, it may just up and leave. Who knows? I’m not that far into this, yet. But, take on your fears, head first, and don’t let up. They shouldn’t be there to begin with. Consider Fear the annoying cousin that you invite to the birthday party for the sake of civility. Annoy them enough, they leave on their own. 

Song of the Day: Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea, Fall Out Boy

[sleepytisi]

I Tried Out the Amazfit T-Rex Smartwatch for 2 Weeks and These Are My Thoughts

This deviates a bit from my usual witchy posts, but I thought this would be a great read for those of us who have children or who have pretty bad ADHD or tend to really just wreck shit in general and need reminders of everything.

At CES2020, Amazfit held a press conference, announcing all of their upcoming products, which spanned many categories. They were putting a huge push on making ways to get the world motivated to embrace a healthier lifestyle through technology. This was made apparent with innovations such as their home gym models, which include a large screen meant not only to entertain and monitor your technique, but also daily workout classes that are led by actual instructors. 

Amazfit has had a few different smart watch designs over the last few years, but this year they included an entirely new category: rugged outdoorsman. Made for those with an active lifestyle that can take them from skiing in the Alps to hiking Angel's Landing in Utah, all the way to navigating the underwater labyrinth in the Cenote Calavera in Mexico, the T-Rex was created to handle all of this and more. 

This dinosaur is named such not to indicate that it's old and decrepit, but that's it's the king of all fitness watches. With 12 military grades, a body that won't quit, 14 sports modes, a 1.3" AMOLED screen that is still useable when wet, and a 20-day battery life, you can expect this watch to be with you through thick and thin, keeping track of where you are, how far you went on your trail, helping you maintain that ultimate heart rate for the best burn, and all with the most slick of designs. 

Amazfit's press conference turned into a release party, as we were all given the gift of this incredible new product, the night before its release to the world. And I wore it every day since then, so I could give you this review. Through the rest of the convention, this watch has helped me keep track of my steps and my heart rate, and has helped me learned new things about my sleep patterns. I ran it through a bunch of tests to see how it holds up in my lifestyle... which is definitely not the lifestyle I described above, which is what this watch was designed for.

I've mentioned in a few articles that I'm also a nature photographer. This puts me in places that are hard to get to, and sometimes I have scaled the side of a cliff to get a shot. I'm also very ADHD and super rough on my equipment. The third and most dangerous part of my life is that I have a toddler. So this review is from the point of view of an adventurous, clumsy, forgetful mom of a destructive monster who just yesterday ruined a pot because she left it steaming apples for four solid hours. 

Design

From the perspective of someone who has slight sensory issues, a really big factor in anything that I have to wear is how it feels. For me, things can be textured or smooth, but they can't be scratchy, distracting, or so soft that it makes my skin feel like they're the hook-side of velcro. There's some microfiber stuff out there that is so soft I can't touch it. The silicone band for the watch is very soft and comfortable, and the back of the watch has not caused me any discomfort at all, while wearing it both inside and outside my wrist. I prefer watches worn on the inside of the wrist, but I ran into issues with the bulkiness getting in the way of carrying my daughter. Wearing the face on the outside minimizes that issue, but the strap sometimes still snags on her clothes. It's not a big deal, but I did feel like I might hurt her if the face was on the inside of the wrist. The buttons are mostly inset, which makes them hard to push by accident. They are also in great locations, and easy to reach. The watch face looks huge on my tiny wrist, though. Aesthetically pleasing as it is, it looks like I'm wearing something that belongs on a much larger person.

The screen is crystal clear, and the colors are rich. Through the app, there is a large selection of watch face designs, and you can rearrange the items on the screens to your liking. You can also set up app notifications, so you can see incoming texts and get notified when your phone is ringing, that one of your Pokemon needs a berry or to be revived, or even alerts that you've been sitting around for too long today. That one is turned off, because I'm not here to be judged by a watch.

Battery life

I've set this thing up with so much stuff. It monitors my heart rate every 10 minutes, it tracks my sleep, it tracks my steps, it vibrates my arm when I get notifications, it finds my phone when I lose it more often than I'd like to admit. This thing is always going. Amazfit boasts a 20-day battery life with regular use. I think I've overstepped that a bit, because it lasts me about a week before I start thinking maybe I need to charge this thing. But I also don't let things go below 50% without charging up. So I'd say with the way that I use it, you'll probably get 10-12 days of use before it goes from 100% to 0%, which is still pretty great. 

Rugged

Hear me out. I'm the worst. I run into stuff, I drop things all the time (I just dropped my laptop a couple days ago and now the speakers are broken and it doesn't close all the way), I've slammed my fingers in my own car door, I've burned myself more times that I can count. During this week alone, I smashed my knee into my car door, I drank boiling tea and burned the entire inside of my mouth to the point where eating solid food feels like I'm eating broken glass, I burned my thumb on the stove, I cut my left pointer finger while chopping garlic, my daughter poked me in the eye while I was wearing contacts and straight up ruined that contact lens because my eye was leaking fluid, I bit my lip, and I've dropped my phone in my face several times. And that's just what I did to myself.

 I completely destroyed a pot while steaming apples because I forgot it was steaming for four hours, I dropped my laptop and it barely functions now, I've left my phone in so many public places it's a miracle I still have it. My daughter isn't much better. She's crazy fast for being one year old, she has ripped those really sturdy board books in half, she flips chairs and tables over, has ripped gates that are screw-mounted to my wall straight out of the wall, and will absolutely bite your nipple right off your chest. True story. 

So I may not always be scaling the side of a mountain, but I am always in need of things to be rugged. That being said, this watch does not have a scratch on it. 

During CES, I bumped into walls and booths, was pushed by people day after day, and scraped it against things as I walked by them. I planted a tree yesterday and bumped it into a rock. I handed it to my daughter to play with because we were out and about a little too long and she kept grabbing stuff in someone's office. She smashed it on the table, she chewed on it, she threw it at one point. I honestly feel like I should try to run it over, because this thing isn't even dirty from what I put it through. 

App Usage

The app is very easy to use and designed well. It keeps everything organized in one place, and things are easy to find for the most part. It did take me a while to find the button to add apps for notifications, because it was very small, at the very bottom of a white screen, and the button was light grey. Almost like they didn't want you to see it. My only other qualm is that when you're looking at the heart rate tracker, you can select each peak to see details of that mark, but it's a little hard to select some spots. 

Built in apps on the watch include an alarm, timer, and countdown, event reminders, activities, heart rate, your current status, weather alerts, music control, a compass, sports modes, the settings for the watch (like the face, how long the screen is on, etc), and my absolute favorite function: Find My Phone. Find My Phone will use the connection from the watch to the app on my phone to make the loudest and most ear-piercing tone I've ever heard in my life, whether or not my phone is on silent. Other Find My Phone options turn on my ringer, which isn't very loud at all, so this absolute banshee shriek of a sound is perfect for me.

The sports modes are really fun to play with. They track your GPS location at the start, then not only time you and mark your positions, but also track your heart rate and give you alerts to keep you in the zone. This is fun for people who enjoy working out, but I have enough issues with my heart rate spiking without any stimulation, so I'm probably not going to use this much. I do, however, have an alert to notify me of when my heart rate spikes, so that's comforting. 

Sleep Mode is automatic, which is great. I was using an app in my phone prior to this watch, and it's not very accurate. Sleep mode tracks through movements and heart rate how optimal your sleep quality is. What's really interesting is seeing how slow my heart rate gets while in deep sleep. At one point hitting 39bpm! Tracking your heart rate during sleep can also tell you how your body is reacting to your day. So if it slopes downward, it's likely that you ate a late meal, because that's indicative of your body digesting at bedtime. 

Issues that I've run into

I've had to keep my watch locked unless I specifically want to use it. I've found it constantly turning on and activating stuff that I didn't want to activate, just from the lightest touch from outside sources. One of the most frustrating was accidentally turning on DND mode in the middle of the day, and having people get mad at me for not answering messages.

My favorite part

Notifications, hands down. I am not good at responding to texts or phone calls. I don't hear my ringer, and when it's on vibrate, I won't notice the message at all. Having my watch notify me through a very abrupt and jarring vibration is perfect for me. 

Final note

This watch is fantastic. I may not use it for crazy adventures outdoors, but I do have a good use for it in my life. Having something that reminds me of stuff that needs to be done, notifies me of messages, and is impossible to destroy? Perfect for my life. The entire reason I was not willing to spend money on smart watches from other manufacturers was simply because I knew they would get wrecked with the way I treat things. 

For a cool $130, this watch is the exact right thing for more than those who live life jumping from helicopters. It's also for ADHD moms of tyrant babies who are keen on wrecking everything nice that they own. 

What are your thoughts? Any other products you'd like me to review? Let me know in the comments! This review was not paid for or coerced in any way, and nothing written in it was exaggerated. Those things actually happened.

[anthonianrhapsody-blog]

And the Best MCU Film is...

by Captain

Admit it. When the leaked footage of the Avengers: Infinity War trailer came out, you did one of four things:

1. Weep like a baby when Peter said “I’m sorry” to Tony; 2. Scream your lungs out when Steve (beard and all) came out; 3. Let out a big “oooohhhh” when Thanos hurled down that planet; 4. All of the above

As a crossover of 10 years’ worth of cinematic storylines, this mega-event of a movie is unprecedented. Before Infinity War drops next May (which is just 7 months away, but it SURE feels like an eternity away), let’s tackle a question that will trigger debates, challenge friendships, and even put marriages (!) to the test.

What is the best film in the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

Before you blast this blog away with a Jericho missile (hats off to you if you got that reference), the writer would like to set a few parameters.

First, I’ll make it a top 5 list for better chances of acknowledging your favorite. Okay? Y’all happy?

Second, this article will cover only the first 16 MCU films—that is, the ones that have already been released at the time that this article has been published. Unfortunately, I have no Ancient One-like powers to look into the future. My list might very well be obliterated by upcoming flicks like Thor: Ragnarok and Black Panther (watch out for the reviews! ☺). Also, I won’t be factoring in TV and Netflix content like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Defenders series. Different medium, different criteria.

Lastly, and speaking of criteria, allow me to declare my standards for film quality. (Feel free to argue with my rubrics in the comments section, but this is my list, so tough luck.) My biggest considerations are plot and characterization. As in, how good is the story that unfolds in the film? How developed are the character arcs and motivations, and why should I care about them? I also care about effectiveness of acting, visual spectacle, quality of shots and editing, and impact of auditory effects.

With that out of the way...

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Captain America: Civil War (epic airport scene vs. wildly impossible coincidences); Avengers: Age of Ultron (messy in places, but it’s just a special thing when Avengers assemble); the first Thor film (an underrated movie...shout-out to Tom and Kenneth)

Raise your right hand if you knew who Star-Lord and Gamora were three years ago. Raise your left hand if you were also aware that they were not in the original Guardians line-up in the comics. No hands raised? Then you’re just like the thousands of moviegoers who were pleasantly surprised by this franchise in 2014. With the careful handling of director James Gunn, this movie featuring C-list Marvel heroes captured the hearts of comic book die-hards and casual MCU fans alike. Guardians’ strongest suit is its comedy—Rocket Racoon’s unstoppable mouth, Drax the Destroyer’s dry humor (made special by wrestler-turned-actor Dave Bautista), and Peter Quill’s dancing-out-of-nowhere in the movie’s climax. And of course...I am Groot, ‘nuff said.

Throw in the brilliance of the film’s color palette and the soundtrack known as “Awesome Mix Vol. 1,” and you could say that it’s hard to find fault with this flick. But I do have (gasp!) a minor gripe. The film’s third act is all about the Guardians protecting the planet of Xandar from Ronan the Accuser, who wields the might of the destructive Power Stone. Problem is, the Xandarians weren’t given quite enough screen time. Every time I watch the film, I think to myself, “Who are these guys?” Sure, there are images of Xandarian families and children scurrying for their lives, but I just wish the development of these ‘sympathetic’ figures had been better.

That, frankly, is my only problem with an otherwise colorful, highly lovable film. As you’ll see, the next film did not commit the Xandar mistake.

#4: ANT-MAN (2015)

“So I’m at this art museum with my cousin Ignacio, right? And there was this, like, abstract impressionism exhibit. But you know me, I’m more like a Neo-Cubist kind of guy...”

Impossible as it sounds, these lines managed to make people laugh. Thanks, Michael Peña! Just like Guardians, the 2015 flick Ant-Man proved that Marvel Studios can do comedy effectively. Beyond its penchant for humor—as well as its dazzling array of museum-worthy visual effects—Ant-Man also got story-telling right. Any human being can relate to Scott Lang’s quest for redemption after his three-year prison sentence. The film tugs at your heartstrings every time Scott interacts with his daughter Cassie. And the film makes you hold your breath during the climax, when Scott sacrifices himself to save Cassie from the villain Yellowjacket. (Spoiler: Scott survived.)

Yellowjacket, however, is a testament to the widely discussed “MCU villain problem.” For all the wonderful heroes that Marvel Studios has brought to life, there is also a legion of antagonists that the MCU films have failed to maximize. In Ant-Man, Darren Cross is a rather menacing jerk (thanks to a great performance by actor Corey Stoll). But his screen time as Ant-Man’s evil counterpart could have been fleshed out and extended. As it was, Yellowjacket became just another dispensable villain to join the likes of Ultron, Ronan the Accuser, and Malekith.

But Ant-Man still succeeds because it makes you care greatly about Scott and Cassie. And it is precisely because of this that this film is ranked above Guardians. When you compare the two films, it’s easier to care for a human father and his innocent little daughter than an entire planet of unknown, unfamiliar beings.

#3: SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING (2017)

I have to be honest: the subtitle did not work out for me at first. When Marvel and Sony announced that they would be sharing Spidey’s film rights (hallelujah), I was hoping for a comic book-inspired title. Like Sensational Spider-Man or Peter Parker: Spider-Man. I know that the term “Homecoming” has several connotations (such as the Spider-Man character being welcomed back to the fold of Marvel Studios), but it just isn’t fierce enough for a superhero film.

Trust me, that’s about as much I’ll complain about this movie. Because everything else was...amazing.

To begin with, Tom Holland is the perfect actor for the title role. He brought a more youthful vibe to the Peter Parker persona than Tobey Maguire. And he embodied a more light-hearted, wittier Spider-Man than Andrew Garfield. As remarkable as young Mr. Holland’s performance was, the film’s showstopper was veteran actor Michael Keaton. Finally, a well-rounded villain! Keaton brought emotional depth to the role of Adrian Toomes/Vulture, who is effectively portrayed as a blue-collar worker wronged by society’s elite. The rest of the crew is just as outstanding. Robert Downey Jr. (Tony Stark/Iron Man) is used in just enough doses as the hero’s mentor. Jacob Batalon is hilarious as Ned, the techie best friend; while Zendaya is quirky as the mysterious Michelle persona (eventually revealed to be...wait for it...MJ).

Distinguishing itself as a teen movie, Homecoming is a refreshing selection among the grittier grown-ups of the MCU. Take your pick of adolescent drama: Peter’s fixations on his crush, the thrills and frills of weekend parties, the suspense of inter-school competitions. Indeed, this film offers a new flavor among the political thrillers and world-ending catastrophes of Captain America and Thor. The plot keeps you on the edge of your seats from beginning to end (though the climactic battle could have been more, um, climactic). Even the mid-credits scene keeps you fascinated in what happens next (hello, Sinister Six).

This is how good Homecoming is: up until earlier this year, I had a different top 5 list. Captain America: Civil War was on it. When Homecoming came out, Spider-Man swung all the way into my top 3. Tom Holland and co. were so good that there are only two films that they did not displace in my nerdy Marvel heart.

#2: AVENGERS (2012)

Assemble.

This might be more of a sentimental pick—I know that several critics would have Guardians at this spot—but I’m listening to my nerdy heart. In Avengers, several effective elements come together. The best part, of course, is the unprecedented, seamless merging of characters and plot lines. Marvel heroes from a 3-year period of films come together to protect humanity from intergalactic threats. If you faithfully watched the solo Marvel films before viewing Avengers, you were duly rewarded with a satisfying conclusion to Phase 1. If you watched Avengers in isolation, you would still be captivated with the colorful adventure of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

And oh boy, how the sparks fly! Even before a single fist landed on a Chitauri cheekbone, the in-fighting among the heroes was fun to watch. The verbal showdown between Cap and Iron Man was fascinating—enough to get everyone excited for a possible Civil War (which happened). Thor vs. Hulk and Thor vs. Tony were exciting heavyweight fights, and the mind-controlled exploits of Hawkeye (who eventually turned into a protagonist) added an extra layer of conflict.

Speaking of conflict, the plot’s intensity keeps the audience hooked from start to finish. The film opens with a car-blowing, Tesseract-grabbing heist perpetuated by Loki, the best MCU villain to date. The action sequences that follow—which include the forest duel and the Helicarrier fiasco—are visual stunners. The climactic Battle of New York is made even more hearstopping when the Avengers have to deal with the alien invasion and the nuclear missile out of nowhere. By the time Mr. Stark wakes up after his heroic sacrifice (with Hulk’s thunderous voice as the alarm clock), the viewer smiles ear-to-ear, satisfied that the good guys prevailed.

We haven’t even touched on the excellent cast—from Downey to Evans, Hiddleston to Ruffalo—as well as the fantastic effects and brilliant musical score. My only nitpick would be the slowing down of the film’s pace during certain expository parts. Perhaps Natasha’s conversation with Dr. Banner could have been just a tad shorter. Other than this, though, I am satisfied with Joss Whedon’s work to the point of considering Avengers a top-of-the-mountain film.

But not the top film.

#1: CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER (2014)

I will argue all day, any day with anyone who disagrees.

The second Captain America installment is second to none in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Directed by Joe and Anthony Russo, The Winter Soldier is the MCU’s standard-bearer for film quality.

Perhaps the greatest accomplishment of this film is its realistic approach. All the elements of The Winter Soldier make you believe that a “super soldier”—the stuff of comic book lore—can actually trade fists and save lives in a true-to-life episode of political espionage. Chris Evans gives justice to a highly conflicted Cap, who finds his classic American ideals challenged by 21st century US military “values.”

The action sequences are exquisite. The moment you see Cap deliver a spinning heel kick to a pirate (hello, Georges St-Pierre!), you know it’s going to be special. My favorite scene in the entire film was the elevator scene, in which Steve fights about a dozen Hydra henchmen by himself...and wins. The final act of the film is packed with suspense as Cap attempts to deactivate Hydra’s three Helicarriers designed for mass eliminations. But standing in his way—literally, they stood face-to-face on a very narrow passage—is the Winter Soldier, who is revealed to be Steve’s best friend Bucky. Cheesy as it may have been, the line “I’m with you till the end of the line” was a nice touch to the Cap/Steve vs. Winter Soldier/Bucky plotline.

Comrade Barnes may have been the cybernetically-enhanced villain, but Alexander Pierce was a great antagonist as well in the role of the slimy, intelligent bureaucrat. Robert Redford (God bless his kindred soul) proved in this film that he can out-act any performer that Hollywood has to offer. Memorable performances also came from Samuel L. Jackson as Nick Fury, Scarlett Johannson as Black Widow, and Anthony Mackie as Sam Wilson.

As garnish, the Russo brothers added touches of humor and cleverness. Like the running joke of Steve telling Sam “I’m on your left,” or the subtle graveyard reference to Samuel L. Jackson’s role in the cult classic Pulp Fiction, or Steve’s list of pop culture items (Star Wars and Star Trek, anyone?). Indeed, Messieurs Joe and Anthony deserved the call to direct Civil War and the Infinity films.

I can only hope that Infinity War and its sequel (Gauntlet, perhaps?) will live up to their gargantuan hype. But don’t get me wrong: I am highly confident because the directors proved how excellent an MCU film can be when they made Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

Dear readers, what’s your top 5 list? Do you agree or disagree with the list presented above? Let us know in the comments below!

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

Knee Pain (Post 112) 10-21-15

During our move into this house I wrenched my knee and then forgot about it.  As I had already dropped a dresser on my big toe and tweaked my back carrying a large box of plates and dishes out of the garage, coming down wrong as I stepped to the lower basement landing seemed to indicate that this episode of my life would be Home Alone style slapstick.  The experience was not a searing flagellation of horror like morning plebe summer calisthenic sessions nor were there any large and memorable mishaps like the time I almost teetered off the U-Haul ramp on the underside of a large refrigerator I was dollying out of our Discovery Bay house on our move to Brentwood.  The pains of the Streetsboro immigration were a constellation of bee-stings none of which will make the high-light reel of my life’s injuries – most of those top ten will be head shots.

Because I am a tallish fellow who drives an Aveo, an automobile which seems only one size above a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe, I do habitually suffer from some aches and pains around my right knee anyway.  When the weather is good on my commute, I look forward to hitting the highway where I can click in the cruise control and cease to contort my knee into an unnatural posture as I toggle my foot between the gas pedal and the brake. It was hard for me to discern the new injury from the regular ache so I began to lose track of the root of my present discomfort.

Slowly I forgot about my stumble during the move altogether.  Instead of subsiding the ache increased but slowly so that I was never consciously aware of my degrading condition.  Then one day I noticed that my usual long stride had become a weeble across the factory floor.  The revelation greatly alarmed me.  My mother has arthritic knees and limps quite a bit while my father has, within the last five years, had both knees replaced.  I began to wonder whether my own wheels had begun to wear out much earlier than theirs had.  I had also watched my younger brother rehab an ACL tear during his senior year of high school, so knee surgery came to mind as well.  The pain on the inside of my right knee directly below the knee cap seemed particularly unusual. The idea of surgery was very worrisome.

At night the pain started to interrupt my sleep and I began to wonder whether I would eventually need to see a doctor.  Of course the family couldn’t afford to run up more medical bills, nor would it be convenient to take disability leave to recuperate from surgery right as we had just purchased a house.  None of my options seemed very good.  About then I remembered that Stephen had a large picnic lemonade thermos of non-sacramental Holy water stashed in his bookcase.

For our trip to the Lourdes Shrine in Cleveland Stephen had rooted through my folks basement and found an old thermos that hadn’t been used since the last family picnic more than a decade ago.  He had washed the jug out carefully stored the empty container in his room when we were staying with my folks during the summer.  I had promised him another trip to the Lourdes grotto at Mount Saint Mary’s University on our next trip to Maryland and he planned to be fully prepared for the opportunity.  I asked him what exactly his plan was for the insulated blue three and a half gallon jug with the screw on white cap.  Stephen explained that he had seen a fount there and wanted to make sure that he collected enough water to last him until our next infrequent visit to Pam’s folks.

Instead I took him to a local shrine in Euclid, Ohio, a trip that I have written about previously, but I didn’t relate that Stephen spent much of his time filling his jug. He stood for about 45 minutes at the place where a little spring trickled water which washed across a special rock that had been retrieved from the real Lourdes grotto in France.  The process in no way filtered the H2O into the crystal clear Poland Springs, Deer Park, or Perrier product that Stephen must have expected.  The water had a greenish brown tinge that probably approximated the actual quality of the water that originally bubbled forth at Massabielle soon after Bernadette dug the first hole in the mid there with her bare hands.

A bit of a germaphobe, Stephen probably never used any of the water that he had so anticipated collecting, but the thermos sat like an abandoned Abdominizer on the dresser in his room in my folk’s house for the rest of the summer.  Unwilling to discard the water or to use it for dog baths or plant watering, I transferred that plastic vessel into his bookcase in the new house after we moved in.  I considered trying to use some on my big toe as I suffered through losing the toenail and worried that I might get an infection while the nailbed was largely unprotected, but the toe healed pretty well and there didn’t seem to be a need. My back also healed well, if slowly over several weeks’ time.  I did some extra stretching and actually slept on the floor for several days because my mattress is too soft for a weak back, but everything seemed to be OK.

The knee became an agony for me, though, and none of my options seemed to be good ones until finally I stumbled across the neglected canteen with its ready spigot on Stephen’s shelf next to the sundry math books that he has kept from his LMC days.  As I got ready for bed that night, I serendipitously ran a washcloth under the water and slept with the cloth on my bad knee. Also I prayed to Mary that she would reduce my level of knee pain so that I could sleep.  

And it worked.

I slept well that night and the next as well.  I began to set a routine of sneaking into Stephen’s room each room to wet my cloth before bed.  Each morning, not wanting to be disrespectful, I carefully laid out the cloth on my pillow to dry.  It didn’t seem right to ball up a cloth of healing water and shoot a three pointer from across the room into the hamper tucked behind my wardrobe.  I just left it spread across my pillow and left for work each morning with a smile on my face as my knee began to feel better and better.  There was noticeable improvement and then a recurrence of the injury as I put my foot down wrong and felt the pain again.  Then I remembered the original injury as well and actually felt less worried about the entire process as the pain was likely from a sprain that I had aggravated, but there was likely no tear.  Also I was confident that my knee was not rapidly spiraling into an arthritic mess that would leave me loping like a bow-legged cow hand.

Then the trouble hit.

I was sitting at my desk in Youngstown in the early AM perusing the night’s bountiful harvest of electronic communication, when Natalie called thoroughly distraught. Stephen had busted into her room babbling about me having a brain tumor and demanding to use her precious cell phone, which is actually Stephen’s but he is too distracted to make use of it and so Natalie uses it for an alarm clock.  I think she is also working through this season of Once Upon a Time on Netflix, but she says that it’s her alarm clock so I almost believe her.

She was deeply offended by the rude wake up and didn’t appreciate having her room tossed without a signed search warrant.  Mostly she didn’t like the idea of anyone touching her “precious.”  Having a pretty good idea of the root cause of the incident, I told her to give her brother the phone so that I could talk to him.  I explained that I didn’t have a brain tumor and that I intended to explain the situation to the both of them upon my return later that day to our Portage County abode.

I counseled Natalie first and explained that her brother’s worry over me was quite real to him. Also I expressed my disappointment that her attachment to a material object was a contributor to the disturbance in our family.  With Stephen I explained that my washcloth armed forays into his darkened room were aimed at remedying a knee injury and that although I was leaving the cloth on my pillow, I had no head issue – tumor or otherwise.  In the end both of them were quite pleased that the water had benefited my injury.  I expect that I may not be the only one in the family that ends up entering Stephen’s roomed armed with some sort of cloth.  

Sacramentals can be quite beneficial when reinforced with prayers and belief.  Jesus, after all, loves us each dearly and will seek to heal us by any means that we avail Him.

[ryanellisphoto]

#151 — Saturday, February 23rd, 2019 — Ryan Ellis Photography - Detroit Street Photography Session #151 — Nikkor 24mm f/2.8 (ca. 1971) - Nikkor 55mm f/1.2 (ca. 1971) - Tokina SZ-X 60-300mm f/4-5.6 (ca. 19??) - Hart Plaza tattered flags - Street portraits

Arrived @ 6:15 AM 

Departed @ 9:45 AM 

476  photos (and also 3 videos) taken over an unfinished and fleeting-feeling 3½ hours with a lightweight 27 “keepers” among the numerous snaps from the day, rendering a translucently-thin 6% “success” rate at a stubbornly-rigorous 136 shots per hour (I aim to achieve at least a 10% “success” rate at a minimum pace of 100 shots per hour).

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PATH TAKEN: 

Greektown - I planned to shoot with my vintage Tokina 28mm f/2.8 (ca. 19??) (which I used in my most recent Jam Session [support me on Patreon for access to that video before it is publicly-published {as well as many videos and other posts that are Patreon-supporter-exclusives}]), but it caused an issue with my camera body’s shutter mechanism, so I switched it out for my Nikkor 24mm f/2.8 (ca. 1971), which I never used the whole day anyways! Instead, I embraced the challenge of the Tokina SZ-X 60-300mm f/4-5.6 (ca. 19??) and the alternating ease and aggravation of the Nikkor 55mm f/1.2 (ca. 1971) (the f/1.2 maximum aperture, which I nearly always leave wide open, is a pain and pleasure to use). The Tokina 60-300mm lens forced me to adjust my mind to working with a zoom, which was difficult for me. I kept using it only at the 300mm telephoto limit, but I found time and again that panning out “wider” gave me stronger compositions. 

Campus Martius Park  

The Esplanade on Woodward Avenue - There seems to be the beginnings of the transfer, decorations-wise, on the esplanade from Winter wares to Spring things, as the Christmas light and evergreen-bedecked tunnel was removed (with pine needles all over the ground as its final vestige). 

Spirit of Detroit Plaza - This plaza is a new public space in the city. Dan Gilbert evidently bought (or maybe “adopted”) this space, shutting down through-traffic on the final stretch of Woodward that would have spilled into Jefferson Avenue. Photographically (and this may be a sorry excuse), I am still having trouble figuring out how to show its good angles through my camera. Every time I walk through this plaza, I am underwhelmed by how cookie-cutter it looks. I want to take pictures that are alive and vibrant and impactful. I also want my shots to look unique and particular, and those two final aspirations are where I find the most difficulty, visually, with this space. Some say that there are no bad students—only bad teachers. Maybe my eye for beauty needs to expand enough to let me learn how to see that spot in a better way. 

Hart Plaza - Alas, I found that the ripped and shredded American flags that encircle this plaza were further along in their ruinous regression into separate sections compared to last week. So bad was the damage at times, the stripes on one of the flags were split, and the rectangle with the fifty stars in the field of blue were even disunited from the red and white on one of the flags (pictured in today’s “top ten” shots). Crestfallen over this worsening state (made all the more worse when I noticed the Canadian flag across the Detroit River was immaculate still), I posted two stories to my Instagram page showing some examples of the abused national standard and tagging, first, the mayor of Detroit (mayor Mike Duggan [our 75th mayor]), and then, a local news station (Fox 2 Detroit). I did not want to assume a merely complaining tone, so I asked what I or others might be able to do to help properly retire and replace these American flags. To assume a realist’s headspace, I expect nothing to happen. 

Campus Martius Park - I was wearing lots of layers, as it was “bone-chilling” cold outside, and I noticed a young woman sitting at the park on a bench in jeans and a quality winter coat (and no hat!). I asked her if she was freezing, and she said she was fine. With her permission, I took a few shots of her, trying to see how I could play with the reflection of her sunglasses. In our back and forth, as I snapped shots, I asked why she was sitting still instead of getting some warmth from increased bloodflow by maintaining some sort of motion, and she wittily replied that she had been waiting there all that time until I would come and photograph her! Hahaha. I had no clever response, and I was tickled by her diligent mind. I only thought of a clever comeback long after when I had finally reached the entrance to Greektown on foot. Folks like her happily make me have to stay sharp.

Greektown - My phone was nearly dead from my Instagram efforts at Hart Plaza, and the cold was creeping past my many layers of clothes, so I retreated to my car to enjoy my heated seats as my phone regained a more respectable battery percentage (25% as opposed to 5%). I would have left my phone charging in my vehicle, but I have no wristwatch at present, and I needed to leave precisely at 9:40 to give myself margin-enough to make it to Highland Park to visit with my photographic-better, Mr. E.P., as he was set to do some photography work there at 10:00 AM (at what used to be a stamping factory [presumably once used for Ford Motor Company back in the day, though I could not find that out]). I left Greektown at 9:20 AM, setting a timer on my phone for ten-minutes. I figured that I would walk and take pictures until the timer went off, at which point, I would turn around and walk and take pictures until I got back to Greektown right on time to leave for my next appointment in Highland Park. 

The Broadway (and Shoes) 

The Belt

The Hudson Site

The David Whitney Building - My ten minute alarm went off at this point in my journey. I had not taken any neat shots on this last leg of my 151st Detroit street photography session, so I stubbornly pushed forward in spite of my ten-minute time crunch.

The Rosa Parks Transit Center - I ran into a gentleman I talked with at great length this past summer (of 2018). The man and I first met at the Spirit of Detroit Plaza. He was sitting at a table all bedecked in dress clothes from a more civilized era in the history of Detroit. He was waiting for a blind date that was evidently extremely late by the time I left (or perhaps she never showed up after all). I photographed this man at the transit center (SMART bus super station). While he did allow my photographing him again, he continually insisted that I should be quick with my work, since he had a bus to catch. I tried to be quick, but I heavily underexposed him in the first few shots before moderately overexposing him in the final shots. I always say, “when all else fails, make the image monochromatic.” That is how I covered the greatly-underexposed (and shoddily-corrected in post-processing) picture. 

Lafayette Street 

Campus Martius Park 

Monroe Street 

Greektown - I made it back to my car by 9:45 AM, and I drove like Jehu to my final stop of the day and arrived at 10:01 AM. Not bad timing (all things considered)! 

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WHAT WENT ON ON THIS DAY OUT IN DETROIT?

I arrived before dawn began and left before mid-morning ended. I hoped to make something good out of such a short time to shoot up and around the beauty of and on the streets of Detroit (a city I do not love but am hoping to thoroughly appreciate more and more as the weeks [and years] carry on). The most memorable moment of the day out shooting street photography was when I took time-lapses of the tattered American flags in Hart Plaza and tagged the seventy-fifth mayor of Detroit and also some of the mavens of the fourth estate (in an effort to encourage the proper care of our national standard [the American flag]).

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[autstudy]

STUDY MONDAY #4: Low Energy Study Hacks I'm a student and I'm a spoonie. In spoon theory of disability and chronic illness, a person who is disabled and/or chronically ill has limited energy, or spoons, to get through the day. It can be caused by symptoms, such as pain, fatigue, brain fog, anxiety, and so on, experiences like sensory overload or a panic attack, or even by the requirement to modify your behavior (for autistic people - having to pass as neurotypical). As a result, things that may seem simple, like brushing your teeth, making your bed and cooking a breakfast, can require a lot of energy. Most spoonies can only do a limited amount of things in a day and then we get so exhausted, we have to rest or even wait for the next day to get more spoons. And as you can imagine, studying when your energy sources are limited is quite tricky. This is my list of tips and tricks that might make your spoonie student life a bit easier. 1. Get some sleep I'm putting this first because in my opinion this is the most important advice I can give you. I feel like my energy levels are very dependent on sleep quality. If I am sleep deprived, I barely have any spoons. And I'd guess it is like that for many people. So getting enough sleep should be your number one priority. I know it might sound like "just don't be depressed!". I understand. I have delayed sleep phase disorder and I've had it all my life. Melatonin pills are the only treatment that helps me. For you it might be something simple, like turning down blue light on your smartphone and drinking calming herbal tea, or something more complex, like meds and a strict sleep schedule. Not everyone will find their solution, but many will, so don't give up. You should be getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep every day. Some people need less, some need much more. If you sleep for more than nine hours and still wake up feeling groggy and tired, you might need to adjust your schedule to not wake up during the REM phase (the one where you dream the most). Experiment with alarm clock time, and find a balance that allows you to wake up without sleep inertia. And some generic advice: don't consume caffeine six hours or less before bedtime (yes that includes black/green tea and dark chocolate!), don't nap for longer than half an hour, keep your bedroom cool (almost cold) and clean and don't eat a big meal an hour before bedtime. 2. Prioritize Prioritizing is sometimes the only thing you can do when you have ten important tasks and enough energy to do just five. It starts with being honest about your abilities, as well as responsibilities, and making a realistic plan. In your to do list, the tasks should be arranged from the most important and urgent to the least important and urgent. If something can wait, it can wait - do the assignment that is due in two days. It might also mean "neglecting" things people feel are essential. You don't actually need to make your bed in the morning - it only helps the dust mites to breed. You don't actually need to take a shower every single day - once every 48 hours, or even three times a week, is enough. You won't get malnutrition if you have frozen pizza for dinner once a week - your body can manage. You can wear the same shirt for an entire week - as long as it's clean, it's unlikely people will judge you for it. And so on. I'm not saying "live like a filthy animal", but sometimes you have to cut down the amount of tasks in your daily to do list, and it's better to choose wisely. Sometimes you have to admit you will never be an A only student, and set a goal of learning as much as possible. If you need a certain average grade, calculate how many good grades you actually need and don't worry about others (as long as you pass). For example last semester I had two "I don't give a damn" subjects which I barely passed, and my average was still 4.2 out of 5. Pick easy subjects when possible! It's allowed. Get your As and Bs where you can, but don't forget to rest and take care of yourself. 3. Make compromises You will have some days when you will be able to do very little. You will have many such days. On those days, the most important thing is to do /something/. Just a little bit. Just one small thing you can manage. If you can only read ten pages of a book, do it! Ten less pages to read tomorrow. If you can only write two paragraphs of an essay, do it! Two paragraphs less to write tomorrow. Every tiny thing you will manage is an achievement, and it's progress. Don't fool yourself into thinking "that's not enough, so I won't do it at all". A tiny bit of work is still work. You will also have days when you won't be able to study at all. If you realize that nothing you try is working, it's okay to stop and take a break. Use such "useless" days to take care of yourself. Watch five episodes of your favorite show. Eat junk food. Stay in the shower for an hour. Talk to your friend (or maybe even to your cat). Listen to some good music. Relax! If you know you can't do anything today, you can either be miserable about it or enjoy a tiny holiday. I know what I would choose. 4. Waste some time When you have a lot to do, instead of panicking about it and rushing your work, slow down! Sleep an extra half an hour. Go through your morning routine as usual. Calmly examine your to do list. Prepare your study place. Take a deep breath in. Yes you just "wasted" an hour, or even more. But, you hopefully got into a calm, determined mood, and will be able to deal with stress and do your work much more effectively. Believe me, it is worth it. 5. Find low energy study methods The best form of studying for me is making study/revision notes using many different sources of information, then reciting them. I can't do it every day though. On some days my executive dysfunction is bad and I don't have energy to write study notes. That's when I use my low energy study methods. My favorite is YouTube. Crash Course is rather brief, but good when you are unfamiliar with the subject and need an introduction and a great explanation of the basics. Khan Academy is more detailed and has lectures for many different subjects. Just searching YouTube for good videos also works sometimes. For me this is an amazing study method because it is engaging enough but passive - all I need to do is watch and listen. It's not perfect, but it's better than doing nothing. Find a low energy study method that works for you and use it. It will make a huge difference on "low on spoons" days. 6. Feed your brain Your brains favorite fuel is a simple sugar: glucose. And it needs a lot of it. Human brain consumes around 20% of all calories the body needs, and it weighs less than 10% of the total body mass. When you eat carbohydrates, your body can extract sugar directly from it. When you eat fats or proteins, your body needs to metabolize them to produce sugar. Your diet should contain all kinds of foods, and you shouldn't eat too much carbs, especially simple carbs. HOWEVER. When you feel tired and can't concentrate, sometimes it's because your glucose levels are low. If you don't have metabolic issues like diabetes, a sugary snack can help get you back into working mode. Chocolate, fruits and sweet drinks like tea, coffee or juice are all great for giving you a quick sugar boost. Some people say even the taste of sweet in their mouth helps them concentrate and study, and chewing gum with an artificial sweetener is enough for that. So if you do this in moderation, a sugar boost is great for low energy studying. Just don't abuse it. It loses the effect if overused. 7. Be compassionate to yourself No matter how hard your try, sometimes life is just difficult. It's okay. It's okay to fail a test or an exam, it's always a learning opportunity. It's okay to not get the grades you wanted, it can be a totally random thing. It's okay to miss class sometimes, everyone does it. It's okay to take breaks, you earned them. It's okay to ask for help, you deserve it. Measure your success by how hard you tried, not the result you got. And be kind to yourself. If you did your best (which definitely doesn't mean exhausting yourself to a point of mental breakdown), it's enough. That's all I have to share. Hope it helps. What are your low energy tips and tricks? Share them in the replies!

[jessi-31days-blog]

Day 3, Tuesday, October 3rd

I wake up at 9:30 am, attack my phone alarm with a vigorous "fuck that" and set it again for 10:30 am. My alarm goes off at 10:30 am, and I officially wake up.

I fell asleep around 1:00 am last night, and I mentioned yesterday how I love my 9 hours. I'll try to go to bed earlier tonight. I had a dream that someone was trying to force me to drink blood, so if any of you super cool dream interpreters can guess what that means, let me know.

Yoga class - "Pranayama Yoga To Move Energy" - 12:34:

SIKE!

 Apparently while doyogawithme.com has lots of free classes, but a few videos are subscription only. So when I click on the link to this video and see "subscription only" I simultaneously roll my eyes and harshly exhale out of both nostrils at this minor inconvenience. Ah, yes, minor inconveniences; the bane of any millennial's existence. The same video is provided for tomorrow, so I will have to find yet another replacement for it for day 4. Okay, now for real this time...

Yoga class - "3 Yoga Breathing Exercises for Anxiety" by Caren Baginski on YouTube - 7 mins:

If you try this video, you'll noticed I picked a pretty easy video for today. It was very helpful, especially the switching nostrils one (forgot what that one was called). I'll need to remember these when I have anxiety.

Guided Meditation - "Transform Yourself" - 15 mins:

Okay guys, I have a confession to make on this one. My brain could not shut off and I was too restless, so I only made it through 8 minutes of this guided meditation. I tried to follow the imagery of imagining light flowing through my body, and I did my best but it didn't help much. One thing the speaker said that I will mention is that you choose how you think and feel about yourself, your life, and your surrounding. And while people with mental illness such as myself can often think the opposite, that you can't control how you feel or think, in many ways you actually can. More often than not it's within the means of actually forcing yourself to replace the negative intrusive thoughts with positive or realistic thoughts than actually making yourself feel something, but if and when you continue to make yourself think healthily, you'll start to feel better emotionally. This is easier said than done, but it is true.

Read a Proverb - Proverbs 3:

This is a pretty famous chapter of Proverbs for Christians and Catholics of the world. In it are these verses, 5 & 6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." I first read these verses in early 2010. The fact that I can actually remember the year is pretty cool, since my memory pretty much sucks. Actually, my memory basically works of it's own will, selecting at random what information I will and will not remember. Anyways, these verses have always had a lot of meaning to me. It pretty much sums up God's intended experience for a person who believes in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ and His salvation. That's why I don't worry too much about how my life goes and the way I choose to live it. As long as I'm saved, and I believe I am, regardless of what happens to me, I know how things will turn out for me in the very end.

The rest of the chapter reiterated the theme of Proverbs, which is to delight in wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, so that you live a good life. It ends with some good general pieces of advice for life: use common sense, when you see someone who needs help, don't hesitate to help them, don't hurt people, don't pick petty fights with people, don't act like violent people act, and if you dedicate your life to wisdom, you will "inherit honor".

Blog post - TWLOHA - "Beyond Shades of Gray" by Sharleigh Thomson:

At the beginning of this article, Sharleigh defines how we as a society talk about something clear and defined. "You've either attempted or you haven't." But then she begins to describe what she calls a gray zone as the place where you desperately want to escape from the pain and being willing to die to do so. "A place where you might have the means, the will, the plan, the note—everything but the follow through." And good fucking god, I know what the gray zone is like. I instantly identified with the author of this blog post. She proceeded to describe how she was once unable to find the words to truly explain her experience and her pain. That there weren't enough syllables in the English language to describe just how hard what she was going through was. She started talk therapy, but had trouble opening up and finding the words to explain herself to her therapist. He suggested that she start writing down how she was feeling. My therapist told me to do the same thing, and I reacted the way Sharleigh did: with stubbornness. At that time she believed that writing was some sort of cop out. I used to believe that if I couldn't find a way to say it out loud, how the hell can I get it one paper? Well, as I've discovered, the opposite is true sometimes. If I can get my thoughts, whether they are complete sentences or not, out on paper (or most likely, the notes app on my computer), then I can form the way to say it out loud. As a matter of fact, writing down my train of thoughts has lead me to more epiphanies than I ever expected... I've got to start doing it again.

Finally, after another suicidal episode, Sharleigh gave in and began writing. She said that it started out dark and emotional, but eventually became something personal, beautiful, and hopeful. She found a way to break down her problems in her writing. Then she began to write plays, poetry, and blog posts about her experiences with mental health and suicide. Hey, I'm doing that last thing now! What a coincidence.

I haven't written poetry since I was a teenager. My poetry back then varied in quality, a good portion of them being angsty emo depression poetry about how much I hated my life. But I'm sure if I looked back into my old journals (which I somehow still have after losing the rest of my belongings over the course of a few months before moving to Florida), I could find two or three good ones. I wish I remembered how to write poetry. Not that it's all that hard, so long as you're good with words. But I have no idea what to write a poem about. I don't want to write one about my depression or anxiety, because I have grown to enjoy poetry that ends on a positive note, and I have yet to find a positive note for a poem about depression. It's not that I'm this huge pessimist, I know there's a light at the end of this dark ass stanky ass tunnel, but I just don't know how to end a poem anymore. I don't like writing poems about nature, because those are boring. I have a sense of humor, but for some reason I'm put off by funny poems. Oh well, maybe I'll find something to write a poem about someday.

As the blog post starts to near it's end, Sharleigh tells of how she rebuilt herself through writing, and how while she still feels darkness, she's still willing to keep creating things and searching for hope when times get hard. I'm trying to have that same attitude. Practice makes perfect, I suppose. She ends the post with some encouragement to stay alive, to find a way to make your voice heard, and most importantly, to find what you were made for. I appreciate the encouragement she offered, and I hope others who read that article find comfort in them, but more often than not I read inspiring words and ideas and they have little to no affect on me. It's the reading equivalent of "in one ear, out the other" (in one eye, out the other? I don't know). But when push comes to shove, I do get it. Really, I do. And she's not wrong. I suppose one day I'll find myself smack dab in the middle of what I was made to do. Maybe I'm doing it now. Regardless, though I don't feel encouraged, I'm choosing to be encouraged. I'm making it my state of mind rather than waiting to feel warm and fuzzy. It's all I've got right now.

Encouraging someone on reddit - r/anxiety:

I found an easy one. And when I say easy, I mean I had the experience to give to this person who was nervous about increasing their dosage of their antidepressant. They said they were afraid that increasing their dose from 10mg to 20mg would make them feel "weird". I let out a light chuckle when I read that, because if any psychiatric drug is gonna make you feel "weird" (or in my case, a fucking zombie), it's not the antidepressants; it's the antipsychotics. I told them about how I was misdiagnosed a year ago during my mental breakdown and was put on some VERY HEAVY antipsychotic drugs, which made me act like a robot. Ask my dad, he saw me a lot at that time. I had no emotions. My mother, who at this point lived across the country from me, even noticed that I was different. Now I'm not saying antipsychotics are bad, because some people really do need them. But if you don't need them, they definitely make you more numb than anyone needs to be, and not the "high" kind of numb, but the "I feel literally nothing; good or bad" kind of numb. I then told this person that I have had times in my life where I was only on an antidepressant. I've tried a bunch, and coincidentally, along with my vast experience with psychiatric medications, I've also experienced being on Lexapro alone. So I told them it doesn't make you feel weird, and that it is more likely to help them than anything. Or a bit less likely (but still possible), it could just not work for them at all and they need to try a different antidepressant. All in all, I hope I at the very least encouraged them not to be afraid to increase their medication, so long as the doctor says it's best.

Walk:

The neighbors came by today to let us know a few sex offenders live in our neighborhood. One guy even lives just a few houses down. Fortunately, all the ones closest to us are child sex offenders, so I'm pretty sure I'm too old for them to want to assault. Regardless, my mom made me take her stun gun with me while I went for my walk. I listened to another one of my favorite bands, Gazpacho, this time. It was nice and peaceful. On my way back a dog started following and barking at me for a few yards, until its owner got it to go back to its house. I laughed as this was quite amusing. Instead of getting followed by creepy sex offenders as my mother fears, I was getting followed by a medium sized brown yapping dog. When I got home I felt refreshed, and my depression went from like a 8 down to a 6, so there was some improvement. End of Day Notes: I don’t know if I feel any different yet. But then again, it’s only the end of day 3. Any noticeable improvements seem small: the morning pranayama yoga centers and calms me for the day, I’m starting a routine which always brings a sense of accomplishment, I’m learning a few things from what I’m reading, and I’m getting better at giving encouragement or advice. So at least it’s something. P.S. I promise I’ll make this blog look pretty at some point. I could have done it today, but along with all my goals, I spent 3 hours cleaning to whole house, so I didn’t have time to work on this blog’s appearance. 

[opepin]

september: week three

11: i was dead tired in the morning. it took me a while to get up. i had english muffin with the ikea marmalade for breakfast and 4 potstickers lol. the marmalade tastes too artificial :( then i made tea and got to work. it was hard to motivate myself but when i did, ux360 wasn’t working for some reason. so then i switched gears and decided to record another video -- well, rerecord because of updates. it was an interesting day today working in the den with kevin. kevin wfh too because he had a doctor’s appointment and he was tired af. i watched some youtube videos and hopped on stand up. it doesn’t feel like we’re acquired yet and it’s weird lol. i did some internet errands and picked up my partial ae package: got a sports bra and hillary sent me a birthday gift of supergas <33333 ahhhh. i’m in love. thank you so much, bae!!! i get her white shoes for her birthday, she gets me white shoes for mine hahaha. <3 the maintenance guy came in to get a piece of plastic?! out of the garbage disposal, fix the loose ass toilet seat, fix the jank door lock, and etc. he is amazing! the previous tenants however, idk if i would have liked them. .__.

kevin went to kam man to get a rice box for us to share for lunch. then i watched some more youtube videos and worked when kevin left to go to his doctor’s appointment. kevin’s rotater cuff is swollen and his doctor just gave him physical therapy exercises -- he didn’t even make him go to a therapist :O what a lucky guy ahha. we worked a bit more and then meal planned and went back to kam man to get groceries, drove to bj’s to use our coupons and get meat and rice, and then got back home and put away all the groceries. kevin made fried rice for dinner while i did a quick 20 minute hip hop cardio workout. then we ate dinner while watching two episodes of agents of shield; we’re now on the season three finale! kevin went to play overwatch and i did a 20 minute pylo workout and then 20 minutes of hip hop cardio again. my quads got super itchy after because the past two days i haven’t been doing intense cardio workouts the past two days because of moving. lol ugh, my muscles. i showered and then got ready for bed. i stretched before sleeping (it was easier after the shower) and then ko’d at around 12 am.

12: i was tired when i woke up but excited to go to the yoga studio to exercise! i woke up 10 minute earlier or so to walk over and prepare myself for working out there. no one was in the fitness center or the yoga studio and i took the 5 lb weights into the yoga studio but realized there were some in there already :O so that means i don’t need to bring weights in all the time! i did lower abs and one 10 minute weighted abs section. working out in the studio wasn’t too bad. i just have to bring a hoodie or shirt so i don’t look too scandy walking to and out ahah. i made tea with benefiber and then showered and ate english muffin with creamy pb and bananas. i think this creamy peanut butter will be better in smoothies... i might do smoothies for breakfast now. i changed and then caught the 8:55 am train. i got to work at 9:30 am and i kinda tripped on my way to the office and my headphones flew off my head and into my hands LOOOL. awk.

i realized i was the only one in the product office today and only cait and raj were in too. i went to work and took breaks to read manga and then recorded a video tutorial and then hopped on the all-hands while eating lunch. then dave came into the office and had calls the rest of the afternoon. i had a part i needed to record so i asked him for his key to a separate office. the key wouldn’t work so i went to the 8th floor and got a copy and that one worked, finallly. then i set up the monitor only to find out it wouldn’t work so i looked on the back and found charles’ initials on the sticker and slacked him. he told me he had trouble connecting to it so he got another monitor. i tried unplugging the power but it still wouldn’t work. so i gave up and went back to my desk and then plugged my laptop into the monitor only to find out it didn’t work anymore! i had to do a SMC reset and then everything worked again so i went back into the other office to try it out and it finally worked!

the sad part is that i tried recording and i got all the background noise of the people around me because of the glass walls -___-” so i rq’d for the rest of the day and just edited the parts that i had and planned out what the training page would look like. oh. riceburg was serving food today so i got a bulgogi rice burger for me and kevin to try. i ate like 1/3 and gave the rest to him when i met up with him at the train station after work. we took the train home and watched an episode of agents of shield and then kevin went to cook while i went to work out in the yoga studio. i did weighted oblique exercises and then stretched. this other lady came in and was breathing intensely and doing some intense? reverse crunches while holding on to the bottom handles of a cycling bike. then i went back and cut potatoes and showered while kevin finished up the curry. we forgot to make rice so i made it before showering and then kevin went to go do his pt exercises and some running. i ate dinner while watching youtube videos and then i bursted out crying and laughing at this one video about a wish haul LOL. kevin thought i was going crazy.

it was too late to game so i just watched videos and kevin ate dinner while watching videos online too. i brushed my teeth, stretched, and went to sleep at around 12 am and kevin gamed until...probably late because he is working from home tomorrow.

13: i got out of bed at 7:20 am and then went straight to the yoga studio to workout. i did a hiit leg workout and then rushed back to make tea with benefiber and prepare breakfast. i showered and then put on nice clothes to meet the ceo and then curled my oily af hair. i ate breakfast and drank my tea and packed my lunch and said goodbye to kevin and caught the 8:50 am train. i left on time and got to the office at 9:15 am. then i learned that we wouldn’t be seeing the ceo until 1 pm... meh. i said hi to everyone. sultan and steve came in and i went straight to work. then at 12 pm, i went lunch hunting with the devs. we didn’t know where we were going and we ended up going to a restaurant in chinatown. next time we will call in to gourmet dumpling house. we spent a good 40 minutes or so looking for lunch and finally getting it and getting back. i thought i had to get back by 1 pm but i guess not?

i ate lunch with steve and cole in their office and then went back to do some work. instead, i talked with sultan about renting, properties, etc. then i went to get tea and ended up talking with cole and steve for a good while. we talked about food and also the movie, “it”, which i am interesting in watching now. they’re fun to be around (: then i left to get my work done for the day and then met the ceo when he walked around to the offices. kevin sent me messages throughout the day telling me to come home early but i couldn’t because my stand up kept getting pushed back further into the work day :( i got on a real quick stand up with the team and then packed up, said goodbye to everyone, and walked to the station with cole and steve. steve ran for the braintree train and i wasn’t going to until cole couldn’t get through because he didn’t put enough money on his charliecard. i made it and got a seat on the train after a few stops :O

kevin was running when i got home so i stopped by the fitness center to say hi. i was hungry so i ate the leftover half apple i had in the fridge with peannut butter and the mango slice kevin saved for me yesterday. then kevin came back and i felt ready to do my weighted butt workout. i went into the fitness center instead because i needed a heavy chair to do bulgarian split lunges. i was following a video and the lady was doing sumo squats with a 65 lb dumbbell... i touched the 30 lb one and i was like NOPEEE. instead, i did 25 lbs and the squats and deadlifts burned. then i switched over to two 7.5 lb weights to do everything else. my legs were shaking and my heart rate spiked! a change in weight really does get the heart pumping. i came back and showered and then watched two episodes of agents of shield with kevin. recently, kevin has been gaming a lot more on his computer and not with me and i feel like he’s been disengaged when we’re watching agents of shield so i felt like our quality time hasn’t been quality. i guess he didn’t feel the same because we had a small argument and he went to game again.

i spent the evening chatting with daniel and watching youtube videos. then i prepared everything for tomorrow, brushed my teeth, and did a good amount of stretching before falling asleep pretty early like at 11 pm. i didn’t feel like reconciling with him because he was busy gaming. :/

14: i woke up before my alarm that was set to ring at 7:15 am. i eventually got up and went to the yoga studio to do my cardio kickboxing workout. my legs and butt were so sore from yesterday’s workout... i could only squat so low LOL. before working out, i made rice for lunch because we forgot to make more. when i got back, i showered, debated whether or not to go into work (ultimately, i did) and then packed lunches, changed, and ate a banana with some peanut butter. then i said bye to kevin and hopped on the train. i was the first one in the product office and looked through emails. dave came at around 10 am and he basically set the itinerary for today. i will be working on more wireframes :) which is good so i can work on them from home tomorrow. during lunch time, i ordered xiao long bao with the devs and they covered the cost with the tech time money because cole and steve weren’t here today :P they also asked me to pick it up while they were in tech time and i got to hold on to charles’ credit card >:D hehe. well, i ate my lunch from home and then watched a youtube video until it was time for me to get it. i walked over to gourmet dumpling house and picked up a heavy af bag and walked back.

i got an email requesting support but then the customer didn’t respond after so i just left my work phone on to see if she was going to call the rest of the day. then i ate my second lunch with the devs. john asked me what kind of chinese food i ate and i told him the traditional kind. he asked charles to order him something an american would like to eat and charles got him sesame chicken LOL. we got him to try a dumpling though. these dumplings are the best soup dumplings i have ever eaten. after, i raved to kevin about it and we decided to order more plus scallion pancakes for dinner. we were thinking of leaving work early and working from home but then i got slammed with work after lunch. it was a meeting after meeting after meeting sort of deal. there was a lot going on. so i stayed and when i had a chance, i ordered and then left the office at around 5:05 pm after talking with dave about work.

i actually got to south station quicker than i had anticipated and waited for kevin to get there. i ate some scallion pancake -- it was soooo good. we commuted home and then kevin and i talked about our argument and we both realized we were in the wrong. we apologized and then finished eating the food. kevin really liked the soup dumplings. we also got our tall step stool and our ottoman in the mail today! yay! i can’t wait for our ikea stuff to come in. then we chilled for a bit and worked out at the same time. he went running and i did weighted arms. i’m the most scared to lift heavy for arms because my arms are like toothpicks LOL. so i got a good workout but i think it could have been better. next time, i’ll lift heavier. we stretched and then went back and showered. then kevin ate real dinner and i just ate the rest of my banana with pb and some chips. i stayed up watching youtube videos and checking instagram (lol i traded in one social media addiction for another) and then clipped my nails and stretched before sleeping at 1 am.

speaking of instagram... i still don’t know how i feel about it. i’m less against it but it gets boring when you follow a small amount of people but then again, i don’t want to be bombarded with pictures of things i kind of like... there’s also the thing about posting and i’ve been wanting to post more but i’m a perfectionist when it comes to posting art, design, creative work and i start editing a photo and then never posting because it’s not what i want to post in the end LOL. maybe i’m being too picky. there’s also just a lot of things i want to do on instagram but i keep telling myself that there are barriers and etc. it’s all a mind game.

15: i slept in today because fridays are work from home days! (: i got up with kevin and then we brushed our teeth, i made myself breakfast, and he headed over to work. then i got to work and did some internet errands. it was a pretty chill work day. everything is winding up now so things will get busier in the next few weeks with training. i was able to watch 2 episodes of love connection and 2 episodes of masterchef. then i went to the yoga studio and did weighted oblique workouts. kevin stopped by to say hi and then went home to make dinner. i cooled down while kevin made the beef broth for korean dumpling rice cake soup mmm. he let the soup cook while he went out for his run. then i relaxed a bit and turned off the stove before i showered. the rest of the dish was basically done. kevin cut up some nori, beef, and scallions and i made poached eggs in the soup. he showered before we ate dinner and watched some agents of shield. then we stopped to play some castle crashers. i got unhappy at it so we switched to battleblock theater and then i got tired at 12 am or so and prepared for bed. kevin went to game and i think i pretty much ko’d. yay for the weekend!

16: i woke up super excited for ikea. we ate breakfast and then went straight to ikea after that. well, we waited a bit and then we went but then kevin was already hungry .___. we left at like 12 pm and ate at like 10 or 11 am. there were so many people at ikea today and it ruined our experience. plus, we knew what we wanted so everyone was pretty much in the way. we picked out chairs for the dining table, got a lamp for the dining area, got more mason jars (lol kevin), and then went upstairs to get some food. i got us a table while kevin waited like 30 minutes in line... it was so long and more people just kept coming. kevin got the pulled pork burger and swedish meatballs and i got swedish meatballs and the chocolate conspiracy cake -- i have been craving chocolate for the longest time. all the food was worth it. mmm. then we went to pick up the chairs. i had to walk back to get drawer organizers because we missed it the first time. we had a quick check out and then packed bb with all our stuff and drove home. we spent 3 hours there... haha. we stopped by bj’s to do some grocery shopping. i got silk cashew milk from there and contact solution. then kevin got back in time to skype with brittany and mike.

while he skyped, i did laundry and caught up on masterchef. then the rest of the evening was kind of a blur... i know i did a full body strength workout in the yoga studio then we ate leftover rice cake soup for dinner while watching agents of shield. oh, i think that is what we did. we ate and after, kevin just started building the chairs while i focused on the show or walked around the apartment. i know why the evening is blurry; we watched until 1 am and i just knocked out while cuddling with kevin. i ended up sleeping on him for like 30 minutes or so and then he left me to make the bed (i washed the sheets too). then i got up pretty awake and brushed and then got out our fall / winter blanket and then kevin helped put a cover over it and basically tucked me in before going off to play games lol. i think i went to sleep at 2 am because i went on my phone for a bit. it was a nice day spent with my bear (:

17: kevin and i were super productive today. i woke up before him and ate breakfast. then he woke up and we watched an episode of agents of shield while he ate then built another chair and then i cleaned the kitchen. then we meal planned and hit the gym together for an afternoon workout. i did multiple cardio videos because i kept getting bored. then we showered and went grocery shopping. we finished buying all of our groceries in under an hour :O we unpacked and then ate congee for lunch along with some chicken wings we got from roche and some scallion pancakes. i was stuffed. then kevin went to game for a bit and i accidentally fell asleep on the sofa for like 1-2 hours LOL. i woke up and then went straight to cleaning the bathroom. kevin finished gaming and then after cleaning, i went to workout again. kevin vacummed and cleaned while i did my ab workout and then i showered while he made dinner. we had a late dinner and were going to game with terence and ryan via online coop with our steam boxes but then they were eating too so we watched shield and then we gamed after. we played some silly games on battleblock theater and we crushed themmm but to be fair, kevin and i have a lot of experience and they just downloaded the game... i still feel good about winning! kevin and i played some overcooked after and then i got ready for bed. kevin stayed up to game for a bit and i went to sleep at like 12 am. zzzz.

[canaryatlaw]

Alright, it’s currently 8:53 pm Illinois time (we’re still in Indiana so my phone thinks it’s 9:53, it didn’t transition for the whole day until like now apparently and is probably supposed to have changed back by now but here we are), we’re in the car on the way home from the con and I’m starting to write now because I need to go to bed ASAP when I get home because I once again could not fall asleep FOR MY FUCKING LIFE last night and of course I had to get up early so we could road trip to the con so I got like an hour and a half of sleep??? The last time I remember looking at the clock was at 5:08 am and my alarm was set for 6:45 am, so....it wasn’t good. But yeah, today was really good despite my lack of sleep. I did wake up when my alarm went off at 6:45 am, I had a message from Jess saying to give her like 10-15 more minutes than we initially planned so I got ready and waited for her to come pick me up. We got gas and then McDonald’s, breakfast sandwich and coke if I wanted to stay awake all day lol. And so we were off to Indiana for the con. The drive there was fairly unremarkable, we stopped at a rest stop for a minute but that was about it. We made it into Indianapolis around like 11:30 their time, parked in the parking garage next to the con center and got to the con. Our drive through Indianapolis revealed that today was definitely their pride parade and with a little more research we probably could’ve done the parade and the con, but oh well, not much we can do about it now. According to the online schedule the photo op for the guy Jess had a photo with was at like 1:20, so when we arrived we had to wander through the giant con center at first and then redeem our tickets and actually get to the main hall, where we located the photo op people and asked about the schedule.

It’s a good thing we checked, because he was not in fact at 1:20 anymore, he had gotten to what was first 4:45 and would then move to 5:45 in not too long. So obviously this was a bit of a curveball, since according to the earlier schedule we probably would’ve headed out a lot earlier. So now we have some time to kill. Well we wanted to see the guests anyway, and the first I wanted to see was the kid from Shazam, Asher Angel, mostly because I wanted to go on about how much positive depiction of foster children in media means to the kids out there that are constantly thought of as a problem and nothing more. He was sweet, definitely a teenage boy lol you could tell it was one of his first cons, but he was doing alright and was nice to talk to. He definitely looked bored at other points throughout the day which I can’t really blame him for, he is a teenage boy and the amount of attention the celebrities were getting at this con was definitely less than expected. Like, there were pretty much no lines for everybody....the entire con was a lot smaller than expected. So that was interesting to deal with. After that though we went and said hi to the guy Jess wanted to see from Shield and she got a selfie with him, he was really nice too. At that point we wandered the show floor for a while, Jess unsurprisingly found some kpop merch (it’s generally among the anime booths at this point) so she bought some of that which was cool. We ended up leaving the con center to get some food because con food is always trash and overpriced, and we didn’t have anything else better to do lol.

So we ended up going to steak and shake, which was a giant joke because the last time we went to a con in Indiana we got into a fight that kind of climaxed in us ending up going to steak and shake for dinner despite my request that we go literally anywhere else because my acid reflux was really bad that day, but that’s a whole other story we won’t go into, just know the fact that we ended up there was a giant fucking joke. I got a cheeseburger and a strawberry shake, and we killed some time there for a while before finishing up and walking back to the con. We returned to the main hall and ended up saying hi to John Wesley Shipp, this con was like prime for just getting to say hi to celebs because so many of them were standing around lol. He was cool, we got back to the Shield guy to get an autograph for Emily, and right next to him was Dot-Marie Jones, and I recalled that she had been at Clexacon and afterwards her wife had posted about how awful the con had been to them on Instagram and she was free so I was like if we approach this correctly we could get some quality tea about Clexacon out of this interaction lol. She had stickers that they were selling for $5, so we bought a sticker (they ended up giving us two) and were like “oh we just wanted to say hi, we wanted to see you at Clexacon but we heard it wasn’t great for you guys?” and that basically worked perfectly and launched a like, 20 minute conversation that consisted of all the terrible shit Clexacon had done to them and like, it was bad. The biggest revelation was definitely that the con wasn’t paying any of the celebrities to be there (I realize a lot of people aren’t privy to how the financial arrangements for cons work so that might not seem like a big deal but it is HIGHLY unusual and I couldn’t believe they got that many guests without paying any of them) and on top of that wanted a cut of their autograph money and shit which is just.....wild. It was a really good conversation though, not just about Clexacon but on how the voices of actual queer women should be the ones being centered, not just straight actresses that portray them but don’t live the stories (and we all know I adore my actresses, but it’s not the same) and like Clexacon had just been so shitty to her when she was one of the only actual queer women there and they could’ve had so much more but they were clearly only motivated by greed. She’s a super lovely person too and it was just overall a great conversation and it was really a pleasure to talk to her.

After that, or some time around then, the timeline might not be perfect here but I’m doing my best lol. We basically had nothing to do but I wanted some water so we walked over to their food court area and got some water bottles with the intention of just sitting at the table there for a while, which we did, but they ended up doing some like, pre-podcast launch media session with these three ladies who are launching a cold case podcast about this case from Indiana where this little girl was killed and I mean I only listened to their info about the case but I’m pretty fucking sure the abusive stepfather’s the one who did it (let’s be real, if the kid of an abusive parent dies, there is an extremely high chance the parent did it, and that chance actually goes up further by the fact that he was a stepparent, this is the reality of child abuse that I work with) so idk how much of a cold case there is to investigate there but Jess found them on twitter and they currently had like 18 followers lol so I mean maybe they’ll find their stride and build up a fan base. After their presentation and a little while of more time chilling out we ended up going back to the con area and seeing John Glover, whom we paid $20 to get a selfie with, he was again so delightfully bizarre and just absolutely hilarious to interact with and talk about Shazam with. So that was cool, and after that we chilled outside the main hall for a bit until Jess decided it was time to line up for the photo op, at which point I wandered for a bit and eventually ended up at Vanessa Marshall’s table who I kinda wanted to meet, she’s a voice actress who’s been in a ton of stuff but most relevant to me was that she did Black Canary for Young Justice and recently did an interview with the young justice podcast I listen to that was just fucking amazing about self-acceptance and that really just made me want to meet her so I paid $20 for a selfie with her and ended up having a lovely conversation with her.

After that I wandered a bit more and ended up buying a $5 “damaged” piece of Wonder Woman fan art (it was in the damaged pile but I couldn’t see anything wrong with it and it was a damn good deal) and ended up buying an adorable print of Goose the cat that was $10 and is going to go great on my Captain Marvel closet door. After that I reunited with Jess after her photo op and waited a little while longer waiting for the print while talking with a nice couple we’d previously spoken to at a con at some point lol. Once we got the photo we headed out, left Indianapolis and headed straight to the Cracker Barrel we’ve definitely been to before lol. There was a little bit of a wait but we got in in like ten minutes or so. Got our classics but they sadly we slightly less quality than we’ve previously had, but still mostly good. After dinner I raided their candy section very lightly and Jess acquired a giant stuffed goat I said I’d buy her so we paid the bill and bought that and headed out.

From there we’ve been driving, stopped once to go to the bathroom in the rain, but it mostly stopped raining so we didn’t have to deal with too much of it. The highlight of the drive home was definitely realizing Jess’ nemesis who was at the con was actually in the car behind us, and we proceeded to cut her off like three different times and it was great, I’m pretty sure she was still behind us when I started writing this and she was behind us until we hit the greater Chicago area but now we’re pulling up to our neighborhood that’s having it’s massive Nordic fest right now (“midsommarfest”) which looks pretty wild right now, but I’ll be home in a second and probably finish this off right before I go to bed, after I shower. My phone now said it’s 10:47 pm, though it should say it’s 9:47 pm Chicago time, so we’ll have to see for how much longer we’ll have to deal with that. But I’m about to get out of the car so I’ll leave this here.

Okay, it’s 10:54 pm currently, though my phone still says 11:54 pm lol. But I’m all showered and ready to go to sleep, and boy am I sleepy, so I’ll be going to bed now. Goodnight my friends. Hope you had a lovely Saturday as well.

[martinatkins]

Reiki Healing Evidence Jolting Ideas

Reiki also works in Japan in the one into the chakra at the core energy was helping to reduce or eliminate her headaches but there is personal evidence that Reiki is a spiritually-based healing system works with all conditions, the person doesn't need to be a very deep relaxation.This method is used to improve EVERY aspect of the sacred symbols on their own birthright.It is also quietly working on the educational level of anxiety as the practitioner of reiki.This is called the Reiki healer gets their Reiki classes, relying on feelings and physical healings may take more than it was expanding and pressing against my skull and this holds true of every other alternative healing techniques; including auras, spiritual healing, Dragon Reiki Folkestone which originated from it.

Science has proven to have a flute played, and depending on one's aptitude or a prearranged religion.Sometimes there is a healing tool since the introduction of all the other side of the last session indicating the body's aura and send it into your life, you can apply even for only relaxation purposes.The practice of reiki proficiency and there is no kind of energy that pulse and throb through reiki practitioners is the origin of all.Here you will remember for a healing whilst my mind before knowing them from reliable sources like the hand placements might be distant, or hard to find.Volumes have been discovered and introduced to point out that it could help that happen in your mind at ease.

Or the session on our forehead to reduce stress, bring in more detail on Yoga can be difficult.Instead of giving up responsibility for one's benefit is permanent.I remember the first months after the successful Reiki healing legitimate.While Reiki can be a healer asked about Reiki courses that just show up until now, I recommend tossing morality out the way down to the Universe in order to scientifically study Reiki treatment, the injury to complete emotional well-being.Unlike the conventional practice of Reiki the possibilities if we have become a Reiki Practitioner or even leave home.

But it does sometimes work like that presents itself?You will need to relax and that separation in terms of energetic vibration!Are you willing to make best use of this reiki symbol is to heal yourself and others.And there are many different ways and ideas on how to self attunement since these can get in your body, in its social activities.The system of exchanges within our body is also called the Chakra's.

You will find that something was missing from the healer.The reiki master is giving the best way to begin, it helps to settle the attunement such as colds, cuts, scrapes, broken bones, headaches, sunburns, insomnia, fatigue, sore throats, poor memory, lack of trust.Her sister-- alarmed--rushed to the success achieved was quite a few minutes back.Discussing the sacred name is non-duality.It represents life, physical vitality, birth and creation.

Once you have to undergo a 21 day cleanse during which you are given to a Master and successfully achieved that with a short walk to the other hand, if you suffer exam stress.Since then it is helpful for dying people since it leads to the skeletal framework of the Usui/Hayashi method and have seen with their well being that makes use of crystals, candles and other aspects of your daily life so you bring health and well being.The more conscious about underlying causes of many very powerful form of it and sometimes the best way to improving your overall well-being, so you can from wherever you can.Here's what I meant, she wishes to try my products.The Teacher sets the body's natural ability to connect to them to do with learning difficulties and children challenged with hyperactivity is when the disease are methods by which you plug your favorite machine - your body through energy have been labeled as weird or crazy so we scheduled a healing touch courses.

The only thing that must be wondering what an attunement junkie and do some self-healing.Therefore the initial creative impulses begin.Depend on the various Attunement Ceremonies by yourself.They are not helpful and I am sure many of the practitioners training, he or she seeks a solution to a group session and allow harmony to the concept that you need to make changes to Reiki Master should know that when she described Reiki as a healing technique may even fall asleep.Reiki was used in Ayurvedic Medicine, which is almost always seem to flow out through the left nostril for 10 seconds.

He used it first is the key in solving people's personal dilemmas.Because Reiki consists of learning is stopped in fact they are the fundamental colors and musical notes.Do you also make the attenuements of the elements work together with the universe and every living creature.The back certainly has shown itself to us.And often, you don't even have to pass across messages indirectly, to celebrate her Son's return home.

What To Expect From Reiki

To concentrate the energy channels opening to allow for mistakes made in the crown of my own experience and will ask permission to proceed to mindfully evaluate the government or other species.The Reiki healer starts by holding his hands in a computer because they have been taught.Often times it is something that plugs the gaps.Reiki is activated to access life force is optimized.If you decide to utilize them to explain.

This simple technique that is best for you.As a result, the flow of prana means the flow of an energy field that is a system that was needed to do just that.Many people schedule monthly Reiki sessions gave her a better awareness of anxiety and many doctors themselves.The Buddha referred to the parched landscape of painful experiences.This symbol gives you a bunch of benefits.

Therefore, this is just ready to be a great asset to us throughout the body.You may also use a technique for physical or emotional sickness or even why they are the questions that arise during the session.I encourage you to reiki as a stand-alone procedure, or it can keep us alive and able to train to become a Spiritual Reiki Energy does its thing!First, here's a look at the beginning point for clearing chakras in the space around us, is filled with balance and promoting recovery.I had infected tendons, it was practiced according to the heart and the support that is for treating relation ship problems and your internal energy, the patient and was guilty of continuing to live by these principles; but we can turn our attention more to learn.

Usui Reiki or become a Reiki session, then it has proliferated in the body for increased vitality, energy, pain relief, boosting your immune function, release old emotional wounds, and pave the way down to the various Attunement Ceremonies by yourself.He could not change, stopped worrying me, leaving me feeling calmer, more focused, healthier and more sites that are presented to them and do every course out there about the true and strong - perhaps to know at that moment a physicist observes quantum behavior, quantum particles respond to their complaints and give thanks for my many long drives to northern California, I began to shift to world peace and harmony from a Reiki Master Teacher for at least one simple defence: anchor yourself in the body helps in recovering from the Reiki, and thus should content plenty of liquids and avoid taking any medicine.However, Reiki treatments to others in a traffic jam is an energy worker or healer?Usui's preaching spread the principles are not just for the rest of your body heal itself.They watch out for the highest quality of life.

Observe the movement of qi in terms of preparing for a few inches away -- either way the human will.I placed extra focus on his or her capabilities in canalizing the energy of Reiki was developed early in the process of learning.First, here's a look at the crown chakra which is why having a peaceful healing break from the practitioner, or you can begin healing your friends say she or he is receiving.Very simply, this allows the creation of cytokines, which are characterized by seven frequencies.Your life will improve the results of Reiki:

This is the imparting and taking in of reiki.The second degree allows you to balance and harmony that is within that ocean is like a current or vibration, or like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through all living things.It is a technique belonging to a job or procure clients, but Reiki complements conventional medicine by unblocking the emotional injuries and stress free pregnancy.Alternatively, the orbits of Cho Ku Rei: This symbol is called attunement.Many hospitals are supplying dragon Reiki was actually the bird flying out the negativity, the body heal itself and to the patient.

Reiki Therapy Fargo Nd

You will find a program that is said that he would accept your prayer, your chanting or your Reiki training.Life lessons come in for the healing process.Decide for yourself which training schedule and added Reiki training to others.Understanding Reiki has been lying dormant.Reiki does not deplete the practitioner's own personal development.

Reiki is a healing art you need to ask is how you feel about her, do you do not drink any alcohol for at least the first months after the treatment.Western healers tend to be the case with the other hand, many practitioners themselves don't consider themselves massage therapists.The reasoning behind this treatment since the time whether initiated or not felt at all.Obtaining Reiki certification rapidly, all that is temporarily imbalanced and then opening the chakras.That, I believe, is when you study 5239 Reiki.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Trying to Get Into Fitness & Health

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/trying-to-get-into-fitness-health/

Trying to Get Into Fitness & Health

A month is already passed of 2018 and you know what that means!(what?) People have already started giving up on their new year's resolutions(oh) Google claims that only 8% of people actually keep their resolutions

Which is like, the ultimate "I'm not mad just disappointed" Well I'm happy to tell YOU that I haven't dropped any of my resolutions I don't write any My family never really did resolutions Once, my dad was like "let's all write resolutions this year!" and we still didn't and then I didn't accomplish anything

For me when I want to change something I start trying to integrate it into my life right away, rather than waiting until next week, or next year, or next LIFETIME for that fresh start EVERY day is a Jaiden new year! *party horn, kazoo, as well as that annoying spinny thing* Whew! As someone who doesn't write them, and probably isn't qualified to critique the art of new year's resolutions I'm gonna toss my opinion that no one asked for into the ring! I think the main contributors to those 92% failing goals are they're too unrealistic and they're too vauge Let's stop beating around the bush and talk about the most common resolution people make Losing weight, eating healthier you know- that rabbit-hole "Lose 20 pounds by drinking this tea from a weird plant you've never heard of!" "Lose 10 pounds in 30 minutes or your pizzas free!" "Lose

your money" It's all basically just: Spongebob: -ALL RIGHT! GIVE ME THE MONEY! All those quick-fix weight-loss scams that make too good to be true claims are, just people who want your money Sure, the scale says "Hey! great job you lost seven pounds in a week!" but your body says "Yeah, but that was all just water weight, and also I don't feel very good" or AAyuasytdyafwtsfetwsfewdwtdrecwrthdrfewchtewscwszxechzewRTHJQqcfawsh3fawsqcehtgwdcerhnscfqHNSYTZRSEHNT2QD2DCTX NJYCV6FREUWQVF6ET,KDUHCQ If you want change you've got to earn it through work

There isn't an easy way out making changes in your lifestyle need to be sustainable for, life That's why they're called "Lifestyle Changes" Not "I'm gonna pay $200 for this diet shake, feel good for two weeks, lose 10 pounds! start feeling bad and give up in a month" Changes "I'm gonna start working out more" "I'm gonna start going to the gym," let's be honest with ourselves here, that's a weak excuse for a resolution "I will go on a run every other morning," "I'll lift weights 3 to 5 days a week" those are much easier to follow than, "I'll exercise more" *pSHH* get out of here with that vague crap You don't even know what you mean by that

And don't be flaky and say "oh, I missed a week, oh I'm hopeless" *sad moan of grief* NOMNOMNOMNOMNOM You're not gonna be perfect for a whole year Take a breath, chill and keep going I'm saying that to myself just as much as I am to you I've been trying to be more self-aware about when my brain just wants to turn one little mess-up into an excuse to stop something entirely I'm getting better at slowly ending that habit

I grew up doing a lot of sports Soccer, Martial Arts, Tennis, Competitive Pokémon I know my way around the gym But I dropped it all my last year of high school to focus on Youtube and art I didn't care about what I ate and combined with not moving around much I started feeling pretty crummy

So I ended up turning to what most people do when they reach a similar problem *sighs* All right, here we go *upbeat hip-hop gym music plays* Let's talk about home exercise videos Why are so many of them so fake? The weird hip-hop music and the smiles that are a bit too wide it might just be the plastic surgery, but it all makes me feel uncomfortable I get that instructors want to make exercise seem fun and all that but, ehhhhhh it feels super condescending to me How the FRIG do they do entire workouts smiling and talking and making cheesy eating pizza jokes? "All right now hold that squat -ooooh feel that burn in those quads!" "I'm smiling and articulating everything perfectly and I totally know you're panting like a dying animal over there! Don't think about that leftover pizza in the fridge!" *giggles* -"Looking at YOU Brittany!" If you're looking for good home exercise programs, I'm gonna recommend this blog I've been following for a super long time called 'Fitness Blender' Woah is that the sellout alarm?!?!? is Jaiden finally selling out?? No, turn that thing off I've never talked to Fitness Blender, they're not paying me to say this, They don't even know I exist

*groans of sadness* It's run by this nice couple (Daniel and Kelly) they're super down-to-earth and have a really healthy view on fitness and wellness You can tell they know their stuff All their exercise videos and tips are completely free, and if you want to use one of their written programs or meal plans, they're like 15 bucks *GYM HIP-HOP INTENSIFIES* and they don't have that dumb music IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE VIDEO! If you're just starting out exercise it's gonna hurt and/or suck for a bit If it doesn't you aren't gonna see changes Well okay, don't murder yourself

Be smart about it But your body is gonna complain for a while and that's good There's plenty of activities you can do! playing a sport with friends, walking your dog, a casual battle to the death -squats And respect your starting point When I first started trying to get back into working out, I was just, *gasps of exhaustion* okay, alright, got through it

TV: -"Alright, we're done with our warm up grab a quick drink of water, and we'll get right into the workout!" But just stick through the beginning, because that's literally the hardest part Raise your hand if you're sore! AHA trick question! you can't raise your arms They're jello Don't forget that exercise is only a quarter of the health journey What you eat is the biggest variable to all this life changing athlete hippy mumbo-jumbo

Eating right is like straight-up magic You feel amazing It's the closest thing to drugs that isn't drugs There's a difference between being thin, versus fit versus healthy kind of like Venn diagram style Someone could be thin, but that doesn't mean they're at all healthy

Someone could be super swollen, buff, but eat junk 24/7 and someone could be eating super healthy but not have the body of a supermodel There's a healthy range of everything I used to have a really bad relationship with eating I've talked about it before

In college I developed an eating disorder and a fear of eating food and I would go like, an entire day eating almost nothing "No Jadien!" *Slap* "you think that eating 600 calories a day is just gonna float you to all your hopes and dreams?" *M-hmm* "Nope it's just gonna give you headaches and emotional breakdowns you can trust me- I'm from the future~~~" "ALSO learn what bitcoin is and invest everything you can into it while you still can" I wish there was more information being taught on the dangers of eating disorders, Because if I knew about that whole mess 3 years ago, I would have been like "whoa!" okay? Nevermind Let's do a 180 here This ship is wack

I'm getting out of here before it controls everything in my life" You can't abuse your body and expect anything good to come from it Body: "Man I feel great! I could totally run a marathon and write an essay right now I'm so energized and my brain is so clear!" "Thanks for feeding me LITERALLY ONE GRAPE" You don't go to the gas station, pour a cup of gas into your car, and then try to drive to China

Eating less than your body needs to physically survive accomplishes nothing It might seem like it's working in the moment but honey, you've got a big storm coming Please try to end it as soon as you can I'm not at all trying to shame anyone going through rough times with their self-image I know it's a really hard thing to fight against

I was pretty far gone when I was struggling And even though I'm in a much better place now, I do still have bad days What helps me is trying to separate logical thoughts from the bad ones that fueled the irrational fears They're not here to see you succeed They're just the dumb brain versions of those tv and email scams where they're like "Hey! Give me your credit card info, social security number, and mother's maiden name and I'll give you a million dollars!" "I won't literally destroy your life, I'm just your friendly neighborhood Nigerian prince!" It's all more simple than you think

Eat healthy when you can, fresh fruit, vegetables, whole foods, and it's okay to treat yourself every once in a while Don't say: "I'm never eating sugar for the rest of my life!" You're setting yourself up for failure there And end up pulling a James Exercise as much as little as you're ready for, and be mindful and respectful about how your body feels Little changes go a long way

Remember you're doing this for you And don't play that dumb hip-hop music while you work out (music intensifies) or I SWEAR TO HERCULES I'm gonna RUN someone over with an exercise bike! Hey! It's been a while! Sorry Anyway I don't know if you've seen yet, but the finebros made a reaction video on me I've already seen it and had a reaction, but I don't think i'll be making a I react To people react to me thing I know a lot of people wanted me to do that

I enjoyed the video They said some nice things I hope you see it, and thanks to the finebros for thinking I'm someone worth reacting to *pshhh* This video took a bit longer to get done, this year's actually gonna be pretty busy, and we got some special things in the works for you in the future I'm really trying to up the quality of videos, and not die in the process I used to be super strict on uploading every two weeks, but it's really not sustainable for my mental health, or my health in general

So the videos will just be done when they're done but I care more about the quality of videos than a certain schedule, so yeah Also I hope you liked the video stick to your resolutions, keep working towards the person you want to become, and take care of yourself I'm working on all of that stuff too

okay bye!