#i might actually end up making a playlist of this bc i just really like all these songs lol

[burningcomputerpersona]

Pick a song for each letter of your URL, and then tag that many people! Much thanks to @angelthingy for tagging me <3

Bird, you can fly - Eyemèr Untitled - Knuckle Puck Re-emerging Signs of the Apocalypse - Spanish Love Songs Never Meant - American Football I Was Hiding Under Your Porch Because I Love You - Waterparks Nightmare On Southfield - Action/Adventure Green Squirrel In Pretty Bad Shape - Hot Mulligan Cigarettes & Saints - The Wonder Years Overstepping - Belmont My Life For Hire - A Day To Remember Pints Of Guiness Make You Strong - Against Me! Understanding In A Car Crash - Thursday Thank God It's Friday - Ice Nine Kills Early Sunsets Over Monroeville - My Chemical Romance Right Choice - Can't Swim Paradise Lost, a poem by John Milton - The Used El Niño Considers His Failures - Spanish Love Songs Rationalize - Action/Adventure Sick Of It All - Magnolia Park One Step at a Time - Four Year Strong No Children - The Mountain Goats And Now I'm Nothing - The Wonder Years

Good lord did that take a while to finish... time to start tagging uhhh *counts* twenty-two people now: @sucker-for--anything-acoustic @tradedsymmetry @broke-bruce-wayne @mackie-ds @juliens-bakery @breaking-justin @flashlight-smallknife @cemetery-pigeons @ogbulesky @dysphoria-things @eyemermusic @plainramennoodles @unnervinglyferal @ameliafromafairytale @aiam-maianaise @weirdpinkandmagical @crazyworkswell @kind-wizard @leonidele @thevictorianpirate @mira-kyria @cant-even-spell-my-own-url

Okay I think I tagged like all my mutuals and then some... suffice to say I am sorely regretting my longass username. Anyway these tags are low pressure and open as always, so feel free to join in! (or not, I'm not the cops)

[puppyeared]

uhh. uhhhhh

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 5/14/2024

googled "sample bon mot" in a fit of desperation, considered asking chatgpt to generate me some for 0.2 seconds before the visceral BLEUGH reaction plus remembered that every query is like pouring a 16oz water bottle out on the ground, and figured this series of events would be a better intro than anything else i could come up with

listening

miya folick's Pet Body was off last week's spotify rec playlist. i had liked some individual songs by miya folick (singer/songwriter/alt/indie/dance/electronica) but now i gotta really dive into her discography-- this particular very peppy and upbeat song with dire lyrics is really clicking with me lately as my body overreacts to texas pollen and engages in other known misbehaviors.

the chorus, my god

Proper care and feeding for my pet body

and this verse

I'm just a brain with a pet body Out for a walk until I croak I'm just an ordinary subject In an ordinary book

as my mother used to say, i'm real fuckin sick and tired of being sick and tired!!!

-

reading

ough i need to vacuum. i picked up Mrs Vargas and the Dead Naturalist by Kathleen Alcalá for a dollar last summer bc 0) killer title 1) it was a dollar 2) cool cover 3) autographed 4) endorsed by le guin.

kind of fascinating as an object: weird little lesbian (?) boutique press that's still around, idk ive ever seen a notice about steps they took to ensure the longevity of the physical book before?

i find myself bouncing off latin and south american magical realism a lot bc i am not in those authors’ intended audiences/i do not have the background to fully appreciate them. i have a bachelors of science. and that’s fine bc that’s the point! this is one of the very few times post-college where i caught myself thinking “man i gotta find a class to take about this”.

even if i do not understand the wider cultural context or the real-life figures she obliquely references in many of these short stories (i am convinced the bird-voiced singer is based on a real singer), i do appreciate alcalá’s craft: true short stories, she makes her point and then ends it. the twist in Reading the Road specifically— woof that’s gonna stick with me for a bit. a perfect little o henry twist of the knife. i wanted so badly to link this specific short story but apparently nobody has used it to teach anything and the book itself is not widely available/on the internet archive/etc. u will have to find this story of a roadside fortune teller (who is current on all her business permits) and one day's fortune telling, by yourself perhaps through your library

-

watching

the prisoner, the seventeen episode british sixties tv cult classic. let's yoink the description from wikipedia.

The Prisoner is a British television series created by Patrick McGoohan, with possible contributions from George Markstein.[2] McGoohan portrays Number Six, an unnamed British intelligence agent who is abducted and imprisoned in a mysterious coastal village after resigning from his position.[3] The allegorical plotlines of the series contain elements of science fiction, psychological drama, and spy fiction.

number six shares a lot of traits with my cat philip marlowe, as they are both hell fucking bent on escaping and all attempts to restrain them just sort of train them to be better at the next attempt? as one might expect from a heavily allegorical sixties show, kind of heavy emotional going so im watching an episode every day or two.

why am i watching this? it's free on my library streaming service (and tubi), and i don't have a lot going on. i love one-season cancelled shows, i love Dad Media, unfortunately i was a navy brat and i do love some cloak and dagger shit. i LOOOOVE a fucked up little town and bureaucracy-as-cudgel. i actually came across this when i wishlisted the game We Happy Few back in 2018, another entry in the "creepy little british towns" genre. have yet to play it

-

playing

the cosmology and general backstory of genshin is convoluted as hell (The Gods are real and live in the sky, but some lowercase-g gods are also rulers of the seven nations in-game) but they have been foreshadowing a grand showdown since the very beginning of the game. one player character cannot de- or re-stablize so many regions and engage in so many power struggles without someone taking notice.

i did NOT, however, expect one of the regional god-rulers (purple) to start planning for this divine war in a side cutscene in a seasonal event. a seasonal event around rock n roll rhythm games. absolutely devastated i missed the pink fox lady's rerun right after i had to give my work laptop back and before i got the PC fixed. this game will not run on my iphone 12 for love or money

-

making

bit of a depression hovel situation going on. we are slowly rolling that back tho. finally met my landlord during the HVAC replacement debacle, he said that he bought this apartment in 2009, lived here for ten years, and then his parents lived here for a couple years. i am the first non-family tenant, i think. all of the appliances and fixtures are from 2009. i think the fridge will be the next to go. ANYWAY. i asked him what the deal was with the lack of bathroom vents and HE said when he had an air conditioner put in in 2009 the HVAC guy then assured him he only needed the HVAC vents and closed up the actual vents. which is a load of shit. i am not really excited to live here for another year but i really super can't afford to move and finding an apartment in houston the first time was such a goddamn nightmare. i cannot do three years tho. hopefully something will have changed by august 2025.

i have also, through a special cashback bonus reward on my credit card, a sale, a gift card, and cashing in more cashback money, acquired a cat tree for philip. modeled here by mackie bc we did room swapping again as i was writing this. i cannot be bothered to install curtain tiebacks or properly fold anything, as you can see below

[desceros]

I no longer feel bad about asking about blurple villian might I ask some very pointed questions about Donnie’s side of the relationship for playlist purposes?

So what I’m hearing is it takes DonBon a little longer to um… get his ball rolling. So to speak. How many fights do he and Lamb Chan get into over Leo and does Leo know about it/rub it in Donnie’s face?

Gbs input would be appreciated as well (now when I reblog blurple villian stuff I wait a bit to make sure you two aren’t still going back and forth on the post lol)

never ever ever feel bad for blurple villain au posting

i think donnie and lamb-chan actually... don't really fight that much usually? not in the traditional sense. for the most part you're just like. oh donnie says that this is the best way to do things, so i'm going to trust that and do it. and if you say you want something, donnie usually is like ok well here you go. it's just very. easy. being with donnie. there's no real friction or fighting that ends up happening.

...except when it comes to leo.

ohhh man. you are stubborn as fuck about leo, and it makes donnie's teeth fucking paste with how hard he grinds them on this. he tries everything. talking to you. grabbing your arms and shaking you. a very memorable powerpoint presentation with diagrams and pictures. he puts a tracker on your coat that starts making an obnoxious beep when you get too close to leo's apartment, so you just take it off and leave it on a dumpster until you come back by.

(he promptly takes it off, because the thought of you out there, cold, is maybe worse than the thought of you being with that fucker. also bc leo snapped at him about it, genuinely angry, saying he'd had to warm you up bc your teeth were chattering, and knowing that leo put his fucking hands on you—that leo was right about how he'd hurt you—yeah. no more beeping trackers.)

leo, of course, absolutely loves this. i can just see him hiding in the fire escapes, watching over you on your way to his apartment with donnie trailing behind. you're ignoring him, nose in the air, as he tells you all the reasons that this is stupid, that leo is toxic, that you're better off staying in the lair. when he makes the mistake of insinuating that leo would hurt you, that's when you stop and wheel around, getting a little nasty right back in his face. leo has never once hurt you—not in a way you didn't ask for—and insinuating otherwise won't stand.

taking this moment to be the perfect little shit, leo jumps down and comes up behind you, pulling you close and sending his brother a smug smile. making matters worse, you grab leo's hand and pull him along behind you, leaving donnie behind with the sight of your stiff spine and leo's infuriating smirk. he goads the two of you on, wanting you to fight, hoping to push you away from donnie and closer to him.

...but, equally, i think your fights—as hot as they burn when they happen—are very, very quick to boil away. they never last more than a few hours before you're coming back together, apologizing, the two of you snuggling close and letting the gravity between you come to head. he hates making you angry, he really hates making you cry; you hate making him angry, you really hate making him sad.

once you start hooking up w donnie, this gets even more pronounced. i imagine you're very, very careful not to get into fights with donnie, giving him one or two more warnings that you're getting pissed when he starts sniping about leo. hence why the whole 'being little shits behind your back' thing starts happening. (because you are also very quick to defend donnie to leo, and your fuse on people saying shit about him is very, very, very short.)

@gbao3 tag youre it

[eddiediazismyhusband]

Hi Louis, are there any plot points/mentions on 9-1-1 that you wish were expanded further on the show (not just Buddie related)? For myself I'm still a little bitter they never mentioned all Buck did during the tsunami.

And when Buck and Eddie get married, what song do you think will be their first dance to? (I already made 3 playlists for them but Strangers by Maddie & Tae makes me go This is so them every time I listen to it. )

Thank you for making scrolling through the Buddie tag so much fun, Carly

ooohhhh im so gald you brought this up bc ive been dying to talk about it—

but in all seriousness i love this question!!

1. plot points i wish were expanded on more

i have a few but im only going to narrow it down to this one because it is something that has always kind if rubbed me the wrong way… but i really wish they could have spent more time exploring Hen’s relationship with her mom. I might be in the minority here, but to me the whole arc of Toni coming back into Hen’s life felt very quick and almost…. too simple? (not that it was simple at ALL but) As a queer person who has had a rocky relationship with my parents, it is always something i love to see portrayed in media more rather than just automatically jumping to the “supportive ally” trope as a way to make a story more feel-good if that makes sense. And i saw the bones for that in the storyline with Hen and Toni, but because of the state of the show at FOX that season i understand why they didn’t make it a bigger deal….. however i really wish they had!

(also i agree them never mentioning what buck did in the tsunami has always rubbed me the wrong way— i definitely feel like they all should have already gotten medals at this point for other rescues in the past so the fact that they only just now are getting them has annoyed me, but im just glad the firefam is getting recognition for something)

2. Buddie Wedding Song

I am kissing you on the forehead for this question bc i love love love love LOVE talking about stuff like this….

This isn’t for their first dance, but i have always loved the idea of Karen singing “At Last” during the ceremony (a la bones, which wasn’t what inspired it in my head but upon further inspection is actually really similar to what i would want their wedding to look like) bc i think the fact that we haven’t heard tracie thoms’ voice on the show yet is a CRIME.

As as far as a first dance song, i love the idea of them dancing to something softer— a couple that come to mind are Love Like This (Ben Rector) and Love Me Tender (Norah Jones). If they wanna cash in on the Adele hype now, i DEFINITELY wouldn’t be opposed to Make You Feel My Love (maybe even sung by Maddie so that we get JLH’s vocals again??). i also could see You Are The Reason (Calum Scott). If they wanted to go the taylor swift route, i could see You Are In Love, Enchanted, or even Daylight (which daylight would admittedly have me sobbing like a baby).

Also strangers by maddie & tae is SOOOOOO BUDDIE…. this wouldn’t be their first dance song, but Friends Don’t is such a quintessential Buddie song to me 👌👌👌

thank you for the ask, and your sweet note at the end! I really loved getting to answer this ask 💕💕

[hvllowheart]

hi! regarding your last post about abandoning projects, do you have any advice for overcoming that?

I do!

1. Write something you're passionate about.

Now, I get that everyone constantly says that, and you'll think, "that tells me absolutely nothing" bc passion can only get you so far and usually fluctuates a lot. It's something I've started to realize happens to me. One day I wake up and have a new idea I love and think "wow this is gonna be a piece of cake to finish" despite me knowing it's going to entail a lot of planning and once I get the inital idea out of the way and get to that planning stage my attention for the project... dies.

What I mean with that is to write something you're passionate about is that you shouldn't write something into the project you feel like others will like. Or if it's a project with tropes in it, that you have to follow those to the T.

If an idea is boring, don't write it.

If you have a cool idea that might not fit the vibe entirely, write it down. Keep it in mind for later when it could fit the vibe better.

Incorporate as many things you love as you like and then worry about how the broader plot can shape around them.

2. Don't write in order of what's supposed to happen.

I know it'll make you feel better to feel like you have a clear point A to B but truth is, some parts are going to be extremely boring to write. You won't want to write all about the logistics of a scene happening right that moment or the spicy dialogue that carries the scene bc you're way more focused on another detail that drew you to write a particular scene.

In those cases, I usually just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets [insert car chase here] and move on the bits I'm excited to get to. You might wake up a couple of days later thinking you want to revisit that car chase scene and write it all in one go now that you've stopped obsessing over a different scene you cared for before.

3. Make the experience more fun for yourself.

If you feel like you're burning out and losing steam from writing and planning the project, take a step back and do something else.

If I still feel like doing something with the project that isn't necessarily write it, I tend to end up making edits or a playlist or looking for inspiration pictures that might give me an idea of a new setting or what a character will look like. And that's what usually keeps my brain working and thinking about the plot.

As soon as another idea pops into my head bc of the space I took not writing the projects itself, I write it down and get reinspired to work on it.

4. Look for inspiration.

As mentioned in 3., I can't recommend enough to look for inspiration in pictures or boards on pinterest or a song or a quote you really love. Trust me, seeing a cool picture or reading a quote that immediately makes you think of a specific character makes you itch to get back to writing.

It also allows your writing to grow when you take the time to look for inspiration. Writing everything in one go might make you feel productive but the quality could potentially decline the longer you're at it and when you come back to it you'll ask yourself what the hell you were on writing some of the stuff. So taking that time, finding new locations/side characters/some dialogue snippets you could incorporate, will make you feel excited to actually see those ideas and inspirations become part of your project.

5. Take breaks.

This is another one of those things you always hear and think, "that's what leads me to abandon it in the first place??" and while I agree (been there) It's also important not to get burned out by the project.

The breaks shouldn't span entire weeks, of course, but don't beat yourself up when you can't get to the project for a couple of days bc of life happening or something else being more interesting.

Taking those breaks ensures you not only build anticipation, but it also let's the project breathe and allows you the space, to again, think of the broader plot or a specific scene that could be cool to incorporate.

6. Find someone to talk about the project with.

In our day and age, we're lucky to have such big writer communities. Chances are, someone out there will get aboslute brain rot from the project you're working on. Talking to people like that will not only allow you to have someone to bounce ideas off of, but it'll also keep you focused and in a way, hold you accountable to actually see it get to a point you can and want to share more.

Starting up a WIP blog, like the one I and many others have, or a writerblr blog will attract people to the idea and have them reach out to ask questions that again keep you thinking about fun parts of the project and develope the idea.

I have a friend I constantly talk to about every idea he and I get. Not all of them ever see the light of day, but we talk about them, send ideas we think could be cool, and write small snippets of scenes bc we are excited about the project. That not only gets you to a starting point, but also makes the planning way smoother and means you're getting instant feedback.

And that's what usually gets you to write more instead of watching your project collect dust in the drafts.

7. Write every single idea down.

This is also something everyone says, but it's true. Chances are, you forget the idea and kick yourself for it later or you think it won't be as good as you imagine it and then you have a missing scene you don't know what to do with where that idea could have fit.

Sometimes, usually just before bed for me, I get ideas, and since I have my phone close by, I just open the notes app, write down the snippet of a conversation I just thought of or a cool detail I'll add when I get back to the file and BOOM I have the next plot point figured out without actively forcing myself to sit in front of the computer and thinking "what is supposed to happen now??"

Even if the idea is silly or seems wack, I can't recommend writing it down enough. You'll thank yourself for it and in a way train yourself into passively thinking about what could happen next.

I have a dedicated page in my files just for random ideas I got in the middle of the night and while some will not make it into the draft itself, it's still fun to think about them or even write a short scene involving the idea just to see where it goes. Maybe it'll inspire you to take your project into a new exciting direction, too!

8. Don't obsess over word counts/progress made.

It's a recent shift I've noticed, where people obsessively focus on how long a scene/chapter is. Like one being 5k long means it's somehow better than a scene that's only a couple hundred words long, but concise and has the kind of structure that keeps you engaged.

If you feel like a scene is done and you're happy with it, even if it's short, leave it. Maybe you'll come back to it and add more, but maybe you'll realize it's perfect the way it is and doesn't need unnecessary details added.

9. Don't get lost in the details.

This is something I've neen prone to do. Obsessing over a single detail or scene to the point that working on it becomes exhausting because I couldn't move on.

It's what kills your drive to write on the project fairly quickly and relates to the point I made to just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets to revisit later.

The details are usually what make the story feel personalized, but it's also so easy to get lost in them. Writing the broader scene down and revisiting it sometime later to add those details is going to keep you writing and engaged with what you want to make the project into.

10. It's YOUR project, don't forget that.

Sometimes I've started things I thought were fics or stories I'd love to explore only to realize I'm not the best writer for those or that the writing part just isn't as fun as I hoped it could be.

You need to be aware of when to cut your losses. If the project starts to feel more like a drag than what you initially started with, scrap it OR, and this is something I've started to seriously do, is to rewrite/re-plot it from the beginning.

It is time-consuming, but you'll feel better for it in the long run if you take the bits you like and forget the ones you don't and build the project anew. It's tedious but really rewarding once you manage to get to the parts that were there before discouraging you from finishing the project in the first place. And the most important thing is that you're happy with your project.

♡

Of course, what works for me might not work for others, but those are some of the broader things I can recommend you try :) I hope I was able to help a little!

[rrxnjun]

how to self-sabotage: a bulletproof guide by zhong chenle

pairing: rival! zhong chenle x fem! reader genre: college au | humor, fluff wc: 10.8k warnings: swearing, a mention of alcohol and weed, this is written like a bad disney channel sitcom. i really channeled my inner business graduate with this fic i am so sorry a/n: this is a repost from yesterday bc tumblr was shitty and turned my text black!! playlist: self-sabotage - waterparks ; are you gonna be my girl - jet ; countdown (1, 2, 3) - nct dream ; teenager in love - neon trees ; maniac - conan gray ; drama - txt

one would say it's ungraceful to turn a charity fundraiser into a competition, but you and zhong chenle have no boundaries when it comes to beating each other in a fight. crashing each other's plans, making irresponsible decisions, all just for the sake of winning a competiton you two made yourself; zhong chenle finds a turn of events when the whole thing turns into a self-sabotage.

❥ hello! this is y/n and welcome to my new youtube video! to celebrate my 600 followers milestone, I prepared something special: let's look at all the boys I've ever had a crush on and interrogate them with a fun questionare! for today's part, we have the boy that tried to sabotage me, but ended up doing quite the opposite: zhong chenle himself! ❥

this fic is a part of my collab! find the rest of the works from the dream chronicles collab here! [tba]

Sitting at the table, fingers drumming against the light wood, you stare into the unknown and make your dear friend Jisung a little afraid of what’s about to come. Being your best friend is always a challenging fact, considering your over-the-top ideas and drive that makes your clueless friend a little taken aback, but with the premise of a challenge– the charity event that’s going to take place at your university, he already knows he’s up for something wild.

Maybe taking a step back from your master plan would be a better idea. Jisung would save his sanity and also, most likely, a lot of trouble; but that’s not who Park Jisung is. If anything, he’s a loyal friend. No one will take that title away from him. And that’s exactly why he’s sitting opposite of you right now, listening to the hum of the cafeteria, waiting for what you have to say.

“How many people are joining?” you ask, voice stone cold and focused. You don’t meet Jisung’s eye, focusing on the people flowing in and out of the cafeteria instead, the gears in your brain turning faster than on your midterms.

“I don’t know exactly, but I’d say around ten teams of people, each one consisting of at least two to three people, so… at least 30..?” Jisung hums, quickly calculating the numbers in his brain.

“30…. so that means we have at least a 20% chance of winning,” you mutter, chewing on your bottom lip and furrowing your brows, seemingly lost in thought.

“That- that’s not adding up, Y/N…” Jisung mumbles, running the numbers through his brain once again, trying to see if he’s made a mistake or if it was you. See, Jisung is not a straight A student– that’s what you’re here for, after all– but when it comes to Maths, he’s pretty confident. He’s not quite sure why it’s the only subject he’s good at, considering it might be the hardest of the course, but for some reason, logical things are easy for him to grasp.

“I ruled out the freshmen girls, they’re absolutely not winning this. Also, Renjun and Jeno are out as well, because they will underestimate everything and not try hard enough. That leaves us with Yangyang and Hyuck, since I know damn well that each and every girl that’s ever hooked up with either of them will hop on their dicks and buy anything they’re selling,” Jisung chuckles at the seriousness of your voice as you talk, finding the fact that you’re taking this whole thing as your main mission of the semester amusing, “and then… Him. He’s the professor’s favorite. And he’s super good at persuading people. And I know damn well he’s gonna try hard, so actually, the chances of winning are split into three teams, so we have an approximately 30% chance of winning the prize.”

Jisung blinks at you a few times, trying to clear his head. Right now, you look like you’ve been programmed– a robot with no emotions, only set on the task it’s been told to do. You’re not even blinking, he notes and immediately gets freaked out– because what if they switched his best friend for a robot while he was sleeping? What if this is some sick experiment? What if he’s in the Truman show? You may never know these days…

“Y/N, that’s not-”

“It’s 50/50, actually,” you cut him off, nodding.

“How can it be-”

“Simple. It’s me or him. And I will do anything in my power to win, Jisung, so be prepared for a fight,” you order, taking a sip of your water, still not meeting eyes with your companion. Jisung’s kind of glad for that, though– what if you turned into a siren and eye contact with you will turn him into stone? He really doesn’t need that, he hasn’t even had his first girlfriend yet. He’s too young to die!

“It’s for charity, for fuck’s sake, don’t be so competitive…” Jisung sighs, taking another bite of his sandwich that he forgot he was eating for a second as you started with your business meeting, shaking his head in disbelief at your antics. Is anyone even taking this whole thing so seriously?

The business department at your university is having a charity event the upcoming month. The goal is to sell things and raise the most money you can– it’s all for a good cause, of course. The only thing is that your university already realized that your generation, although it loves to help people in need, won’t do anything without having enough motivation. And so, the head of the business department– professor Lee– promised that the team that raises the most money for charity (or the winning team, as you like to call it), will get an iPad pro for their efforts.

Jisung would understand if you were doing it for the iPad. Hell, even he wants one. But the reality is completely different– you just really, really need to be the best at everything. It’s your main purpose in life and when you fail, you fall into weeks long depression, mourning every single aspect that made you fail at your task and getting angry at every person in your sight. That is even scarier than your weird transe that you’re in right now, Jisung admits, and so he usually does his best to help you with your efforts, because he doesn’t like to get screamed at for multiple weeks if you come second.

That, and he also really doesn’t like to see you sad.

“Yeah, so I’m having the right intentions, aren’t I, Jisung?” you finally meet eyes with Jisung, your devoted business partner, as you smile with that kind of curve to your lips that doesn’t really meet your eye.

A shiver runs down the poor boy’s spine at that, pupils widening with terror. Standing up from your position at the table, completely ignoring Jisung’s half-eaten sandwich left at the red tray on the table, you move towards the exit of the cafeteria, expecting him to follow along. “Let’s go, Jisung. We have work to do.”

“I’m so so surprised at everyone’s interest in the charity event! Thank you so much for coming here today to discuss the details,” Ms Lee chirps from her spot at the top of the table, swinging her arms around like a Disney princess when she sings to all the animals that gathered around her in the backyard of her palace.

Your eyes scan the figures gathered around the room. You’re sitting at one of the big, rounded tables settled in the middle of the conference room, two of the same, mahogany ones to your left and right side, all filled with business students. Some of the faces are familiar to you– like your classmate’s Renjun and Jeno’s, but some of the other ones are foreign to your eyes. You doubt you’ve ever seen those people in your whole, entire life, and you were in the student council last semester, so you were pretty much friends with everyone back then. Maybe it’s the freshmen, you think, as you look at your overly-excited professor and try to listen to what she has to say.

“Only if she knew that half of these people are here for the iPad,” Jisung murmurs into your ear, making you chuckle. He’s right– almost everyone’s here for that. But not you– you could never make your interest in charity so surface-level like everyone else does. You care about much more than getting an iPad, your interests are deeper than that. You don’t need the iPad– although you wouldn’t hesitate to take it if you win, you’re not stupid, after all– you need to win and beat your longest academic rival.

You need to win against Zhong Chenle himself, the top of the business class– he owns the title mainly because his parents own one and he’s had enough time to learn about all the wonders of the business world long before the rest of the people in your class– because you need the satisfaction of being the absolute best. See, you were used to that your whole life. In high school, you were the model student. The one that was set as an example. The best student, the most praised one, the most talented one, the gifted one, even.

You may already know why all of this was more damaging to you than it was good. Getting into university– into the sea of people that were told just that while growing up– was a feeling that made you fall down from the tallest heights of talent to the very middle of it all. The shift from being the best to being mediocre was perhaps the most painful experience of your whole life, but after you managed to get your shit together– and studied your ass off, because it won’t work any other way anymore, it seems– you set your mind on being the best one again, because in your whole childhood, you didn’t know any better. And if you were raised to be the picture perfect child, it’s hard to outgrow these habits.

So if Zhong Chenle was the top of the class in most of your courses, you had to be better than him eventually. The charity event is just another part of the whole process.

“I know this is all for a good thing, but I feel like we still need to set some rules for this whole thing. The main thing is to sell something– anything you want, really– and raise the most money you can for charity. I think everyone already got that, since you’re all sitting here, but I know that the vision of the iPad can blind some of you and get you to be a little too competitive, and while I encourage you to try hard, I also want all of you to play fair. So, here’s the thing,” your professor announces, making you shift a little in your chair and whisper to Jisung to get his notepad out so he can scribble the important info down, preventing you from forgetting it.

“Rule number one. No bad mouthing the others, no anti-campagne. I want all of you to be nice to each other and play it fair, got it?”

A few of you nod, humming in agreement, when a disappointed sigh comes from somewhere behind you, a low mumble reaching your ears and making you chuckle. “I had so much dirt on Donghyuck…”

“Rule number two. I don’t want you selling alcohol, cigarettes, or pretty much anything that’s against the university rules. God forbid if you bring drugs. I won’t hesitate to call the police on you if you do,” your professor continues, earning herself another set of bored hums and nods, cut off only by a pair of your classmates sitting right next to you at the big, rounded table.

A disappointed sigh leaves Yangyang’s mouth at this one, shaking his head in disapproval. You won’t say anything, because you don’t really want your classmate to get in trouble, but the last time you were on a party where Liu Yangyang was present, you couldn’t shake off the smell of weed for weeks, so you’re pretty sure his plan was to sneak in a little something to get more money for the charity. His friend and business partner in one– Lee Donghyuck from your Economy class– grins as his hand shoots up into the air, waiting to be called to ask a question.

“Yes, Donghyuck?”

“Are condoms allowed?” he asks, the innocent grin on his face making the freshmen girls in the back of the room chuckle and hide their face behind their hands.

“Why are you asking that?”

“No reason,” he shrugs, the innocent smile not leaving his face for a second as his childish friend only giggles at the encounter.

“Please don’t sell condoms at the charity event, Donghyuck,” professor Lee pleads, her eyes already full of misery as she realizes just what she’s gotten herself into when agreeing to lead the whole event.

Another disappointed sigh leaves his lips at that, shaking his head. “That’s our whole business plan gone, then…”

Taking exactly three seconds to calm herself down, your professor takes a deep breath in as she runs her hand through her long black hair and then clasps her palms together at her waist, regaining her composure. “Back to what I was saying, we have one more rule you have to follow. You can’t lie about your product. No false advertisement, no made-up stuff to make what you’re selling be more interesting than it already is. We want this to be a serious event, so please, take all of these rules to heart and try your hardest to follow them. Got it?”

Scanning the room, waiting for each and every single one of you to nod, the gathering falls silent. “If none of you have any questions, I consider this meeting to be over.”

The room is instantly filled with the shrieking of chairs on the linoleum ground, making your hair stand up as you arch like an angry cat, hating the sound. Waiting for everyone to get out of the room, you find a pair of men sitting still opposite of you, a cocky smirk plastered on the face of your moral enemy, his friend Jaemin sitting next to him with a well rehearsed poker face. They already look like they run a company, you realize, the thought making your blood boil just at the thought of Zhong Chenle looking more professional than you do– in your baggy sweatpants and a cropped top you grabbed from the top of the pile of half-dirty clothes in your room this morning.

“Ready to get your ass kicked?” Chenle asks, grinning to himself as your eyebrows furrow and you reveal an annoyed face to him. It makes him happy to see you like this– it gives him more satisfaction than anything in his life, to be exact.

“The game’s on, Zhong.”

Walking towards your table in the cafeteria, a pair of young boys looking very engaged in their conversation lands in your rear point of vision. Eyes squinting, as if it was supposed to make you see better, you watch your best friend Jisung walk side by side with the accomplice of your moral enemy, Na Jaemin. One of them looks cool, dressed in all black, flashing a charming smile, and the other one is truly bubbly– jumping up and down, almost, as he giggles like a boy and adjusts the straps of his backpack. I won’t tell you which one’s which. Figure it out by yourself.

“We have a visitor today?” you ask as the two of them sit down at your usual table in the cafeteria, both of them smiling to themselves like two teenagers in love. The sight is an unusual one, to say the least, and you don’t know what it is about it that makes shivers down your spine. You just know that you kind of despise it.

“Yeah, Jaemin will be sitting with us today, if that’s okay,” Jisung smiles, looking at you with wide eyes full of excitement.

“Great, great,” you mumble, eyeing the boy with suspicion. Is this how he chose to execute your plan? You did tell him to be nice to Na Jaemin– you did even tell him to try to befriend him, if that was what he needed to do to get under his skin– but at the same time, you didn’t think that sitting together at lunch exactly two days after you told him to try to get some information from Jaemin was the right way to go around this.

See, you’d call it intuition. You know something’s wrong, you just don’t know what it is yet.

“So, what’s up, Jaemin?” you ask, poking the food on your table around with your fork, avoiding eye contact. You despise even sitting at the same table with one of Chenle’s friends– you feel like you’re suddenly in his circle, and that makes you gag a little into your mouth. While you need to be better at everything than this young businessman, you also need to stay away from everything that includes him– and yes, that means his friend circle as well. Who knows, Na Jaemin might even be a nice guy. You just don’t care enough to find out.

“Oh, a lot of exciting things are happening! Aren’t they, Jisung?” he smiles, kicking the clueless boy into his shin under the table in excitement, “the charity event, for example! We are preparing a lot of stuff with Chenle, and I think it’s gonna be a lot of fun. What about you two?”

Humming, you try to take the opportunity by its reached-out hands, smiling a little on the inside. “You’re doing a lot of things? What things exactly, may I ask?” you lock eyes with Jaemin, seeing his cunning smile.

“That’s a surprise, dear Y/N,” Jaemin mutters, the combination of his low voice and glimmering eyes making your stomach twist in anger and frustration. Of course he’s not that stupid– he won’t reveal what him and Chenle have planned for the event. He knows who you are. He knows how far you’re willing to go to completely destroy whatever the two of them have planned, just so you could win. And he won’t even dare to give you a single hint on his plans, because he’s intelligent and cunning.

“Is it…” you mutter under your breath, matching his competitive energy.

“Yeah,” he nods, turning to Jisung, “but maybe if you tell me first, I can share. Maybe we can brainstorm together, you know, that would be so much fun. Wouldn’t it, Jisung?” he asks your best friend, smiling sweetly at him.

You know damn well about the effect Na Jaemin has on people. He’s charming and sweet, magically alluring. He pulls everyone towards him, and he does it oh so easily. You’ve heard enough about how this man worked his magic spells on the girls in your grade, getting them on dates and then deciding he’s bored of them a few weeks later.

Now, you didn’t know that your best friend Park Jisung wasn’t immune to this effect. He was, in fact, very much not immune to it– he was just like every other girl in your class, just like all the poor freshmen girls that giggle at his stupid jokes in the cafeteria.

It was a saddening fact and an even more devastating sight to see your best friend fold under the eyes of the local charmer. You should’ve expected it, though– maybe this was the intuition you were supposed to listen to the very moment Na Jaemin showed up at your table in the cafeteria.

“I mean, I think that’s a good idea, maybe we can work together on it as well,” Jisung hums, eyes big never leaving the man as he nods to his manipulation tactics.

“See? Amazing! That’s exactly what I love to hear. So, what are you two planning?”

“Me and Y/N wanted to-”

“Jisung, shut up,” you coldly say, taking a hold of the situation and trying to save the day. Your poor best friend looks at you all lost, the furrow in his brows breaking your heart as you had to be rude to him for no reason at all– well, there is one, he just doesn’t know it yet.

“Why-”

“Why are you shutting your friend down like that? That’s not really nice of you, Y/N,” Jaemin says, locking eyes with you. The look in his orbs is knowing, your wavelength matching as he knows that you finally see right through his plan, that you know exactly what he’s trying to do– because you and Zhong Chenle are more alike than you both think, it seems. At least with your business tactics, after all.

“How about we work on our stuff alone, Na Jaemin? I don’t need Chenle’s help with anything,” you snap back, watching as the boy grins to himself and takes the red tray into his hands as he stands up from his place at your cafeteria table.

“Okay then,” he mutters, “have a nice day, you two.”

With his departure comes a loud whine from Park Jisung himself, earning himself a kick into the shin as you start your scolding session.

“What was that? Why were you so rude to him all of a sudden?”

“Jisung,” you coldly stare at him, making him silence, “I told you to befriend Na Jaemin to get out some information from him. I didn’t tell you to do the exact opposite and get exploited of all our plans instead!” you finish your little rant, breathing heavily as you notice the boy’s face clearing into understatement, smiling to himself a little in shame.

“Oh. I didn’t notice that…”

Park Jisung’s good at Math. Social interaction? Not so much… Maybe you should take things into your own hands and get some information yourself, instead of sending your most gullible friend on a mission that requires interaction with Na Jaemin…

“I still don’t understand what we are doing here. I thought you didn’t like parties!” Jisung mourns as you two step your feet inside of a big mansion (or at least that’s how the house looks in your eyes), the loud music of the event that’s going on inside making your eardrums bubble along with the beat.

“Jisung,  you have so much to learn about this world…” you sigh, smiling at some of the girls you encounter on your way to the big kitchen, aiming straight for one of the red cups waiting for you on the kitchen island, all filled to the brim with various alcohol.

Turning around in your spot, two solo red cups in the palms of your hands, you offer one to your companion and grin at him. “Here, have this,” you smile, “I know you’re not a fan of vodka, but they don’t have anything else… Try not to die while I’m gone,” you note, earning yourself a confused look from the tall boy standing in front of you, listening to your commands.

“And where are you going? What’s going on-”

Sighing, you take the boy by his hand and drag him into the half-empty hall, the dim lightning making the whole encounter feel more secretive than it already was.

“Jisung, this is Zhong Chenle’s party,” you say, the sentence alone enough for the boy to instantly widen his eyes and part his lips agape in understatement, nodding at you. There’s a slight glint in his eyes that’s telling you that he doesn’t like where this is going, but you don’t really care about what he has to say right now. Your mind is set on one thing– winning, and that’s why you’re not afraid to do even the most desperate things of them all.

“Try to enjoy yourself,” you say, “but please don’t talk to Na Jaemin while we’re here, okay?”

“But Jaemin is nice-”

“Okay then, just don’t talk to him about the event, alright? They’ll use it against us if they know anything,” you mumble, downing the entirety of the red cup, scowling at the taste of your most hated alcohol. It’s like Zhong Chenle knew you were gonna appear– it’s like he wants to kill you. You wouldn’t even have to drink the poison that vodka is, but having some liquid courage in you could be useful in the crime you’re about to do right now.

“Try not to die,” Jisung resonates with the same words you’ve said to him just a few minutes prior, making you smile at him with a tense smile, hugging him goodbye before you go. Who knows, if Zhong Chenle catches you, you might not even make it out alive and see Jisung ever again. You might as well embrace your best friend for the last time.

Taking a deep breath in and out, you march up the stairs. The second floor of the house is not as crowded as the first one– the stairs are too steep to walk up if you’ve had too much to drink already, so it’s quite understandable. Looking around like a spy, you try hard to stay as natural as possible, not wanting to make anyone suspect you. Walking casually through the halls, you figure this is the best way to make everyone believe that you’re supposed to be here, that you were invited, and that you’re not just about to do a very, very bad thing.

Opening the first door to one of the rooms, you notice a king’s bed and flowery wallpaper. Closing it again, deciding that this isn’t the room you’re looking for, you continue your search on the second floor– opening the room to one of the bathrooms, and then what you presume is a guest room occupied with someone moaning loudly on the bed, making you shut the door behind you with disturbance.

Finally finding the right one– you assume so by the obnoxious Gucci hoodie sprawled on the chair right opposite of the door– you silently walk inside and close the door after you, making sure you’re alone and not watched by anyone. Trying the hardest to not make any sound, you walk through Zhong Chenle’s room and let your eyes roam across the furniture, looking for the thing you broke into his room for in the first place.

When you don’t find what you’re looking for anywhere at sight, you choose to walk over to his desk and open the first drawer. It’s full of textbooks and other notebooks, making you sigh and close it in disappointment, moving over to the one under it that surprises you with a stash of snacks and a single sock laying on the very top. Disgusted by the state of everything, you result in looking through the last drawer, wanting nothing more than to find the materials you saw Chenle write on the last meeting your charity event group had.

You needed to know what he had planned, so you could plan something bigger, better.

A stash of white paper appears in your eyes, the handwriting of none other than the owner of this house recognizable to you for various reasons (no, you never look at his exam papers over his shoulder just to make sure you did better than him. Never…), the title “charity” in a wobbly, light blue pen making your eyes light up. Bingo.

Excitement flowing through your veins, you scan over the paper and try to find any clues about the boy’s plan. The handwriting is a little hard to read, though, and so you squint your eyes, slowing down your breathing as you try to focus all of your attention to decoding the content in front of you–

–when the paper is swiftly pulled away from your grasp, making you gasp in shock and surprise. Turning your head around, you see the owner of the handwriting looking at you with a glare, making your body instinctively shoot to your feet and taking a step back.

“What are you doing here?” he asks, although he knows damn well what your previous actions were already.

“I’m- I was- I-” you stutter, your brain not allowing you to form coherent sentences.

He takes one step towards you, which leads in you taking another one back, repeating enough times for you to be pressed against the wall, shivers running down your spine either at the contact of the cold against your shoulders, or the look that Chenle gives you as he towers over you both physically and mentally, scoffing.

“Are you really that low? That desperate?” he spits, making your blood boil. You feel red in your face as the hint of his cologne makes its way up your nose, feeling both embarrassed and flustered by the whole encounter.

“I- I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you peep, seeing the boy shake his head in disbelief, putting his hand up against the wall, close to where your head is resting.

“So what were you doing with this, then, huh?” he asks, showing you the paper in his other hand, waiting for you to answer, but not stepping away from you.

The truth is, you have no words in you to defend yourself. Suddenly, you’re left unarmed, empty and humiliated– but what’s worse, you’re left with no new information about the charity event, which means you’ve done all of this for absolutely nothing.

Seeing that you’re making no effort in answering the boy, he leans even closer to you, which makes your whole body tingle with what you presume is uncomfort, biting at your lower lip as your eyes lock with his mouth as he speaks to you. “Play fair, Y/N.”

Focusing on his plump, pink lips, you wonder if he uses a lip scrub or a lip balm– because there’s no way his lips are this luscious and beautiful, and so inviting…

“Get out of my room,” he orders, making your body unfreeze, feeling sweat drip down your back as you run out of the place, suddenly not having enough oxygen.

Maybe this wasn’t your best idea.

“Jisung, we gotta do something,” you mourn, head in your hands as you sit at the table in your room, papers scattered all around you and a half-made banner laying on the carpet in the middle of the floor.

“We are doing something right now, Y/N,” Jisung mumbles with the paintbrush in his hand, leaning over the white sheet of paper, trying his hardest to not go over the lines you’ve scribbled onto the banner just a few minutes prior, ordering him to paint in the bubble letters of your banner.

Grunting, you turn around in your office chair, looking at the boy. He doesn’t seem as stressed as you feel right now– it’s only a week until the charity event is supposed to take place and you really, really don’t want to be thinking about how badly it will go if you don’t think of something big at this exact moment. You feel defenseless. You have zero information about what Chenle’s about to do, so you can’t get prepared to do something better. Jisung didn’t manage to get any information out of Jaemin, and while you were able to find Chenle’s plans in his room, he took the paper out of your hands and cornered you against the wall before you even managed to read a single sentence.

You’re selling cupcakes. Jisung said his mum will help and chip in more baked goods, since she’s a good cook, but you doubt that cookies and pastry will help you win the first place. This sounds like something Renjun and Jeno would do– and you hate to put yourself onto their level, because they’re not the greatest when it comes to business. You doubt you’ll beat Hyuck and Yangyang’s condom stand either. There’s a lot of guys at your university that will rather go for a condom than a cupcake.

“No, Jisung, you don’t understand. Cupcakes won’t win. We won’t win. Zhong Chenle and his big head will win, and that will be absolutely fucking infuriating. I won’t let that happen,” you exclaim, huffing.

“But you don’t even know what they’re going to sell! What if it’s really bad? We still have a chance to win,” Jisung smiles at you, trying to encourage you.

Bless him. Even when seeing you so annoyed and having to deal with your snappy attitude every day, since the nerves always get the worst of you, he still tries to be your rock and help you through it all. His words might not help you win and they for sure do not help you calm down, but he’s trying– and that’s the important part.

“Chenle’s the son of the wealthiest business man in this country, Jisung. He has winning in his fucking genes,” you roll your eyes, “and that’s why I need to think of something right now or else I’ll physically combust.”

Jisung just sighs at you, not really knowing how else to help you. He’s trying his hardest– and you appreciate it, despite the fact that your actions suggest otherwise– and this is not even his battle. He’s okay with being mediocre– he’s just cursed with the burden of his friend always trying their hardest to be an overachiever. It’s not healthy, but he doesn’t feel like he can do anything about it, really.

“Maybe I can… Maybe I can tell everyone that if I win, I’ll do a giveaway with the iPad. I’m sure that will lure some people in,” you mumble, fixing your eyes onto the poster of Ross Lynch stuck on your bedroom door, lost in thought.

Jisung looks at you with squinted eyes, trying to decipher what’s going on inside of that brain of yours. The scheming look on your face doesn’t look the nicest, but he won’t tell you that in fear of being beaten up on the ground.

“That’s…”

“An amazing idea? I know, right?” you grin, looking at your friend with euphoria running through your veins.

“Y/N, I don’t think-”

“Bingo!” you yelp, eyes glimmering with joy and excitement, “We are about to give everyone who buys two cupcakes a lottery ticket and then, if we win, we randomly pick someone and give them the iPad! This is a brilliant idea!!”

No amount of effort can make you stop now. Jisung won’t even try anymore.

“I’m going to work on it right now. This is perfect!” you grin.

Jisung sighs.

He kind of wanted that iPad…

Sitting in the library, your laptop open as you try hard to focus on studying after the frantic preparations for the charity event, your eyes are stuck to the screen, starting to hurt a little from how hard you’re concentrating. The world around you is a mere blur, the background noises being no distraction to your brain as you type away on your keyboard from time to time, taking notes.

You like to study alone. You never really got the magic of studying in groups, since every time you tried it with Jisung, you two just grew distracted and didn’t know how to focus on your studies, too busy gossiping and talking about anything and everything. So to go here like this, in the evening, the university library has become your safe haven.

When suddenly, there are footsteps landing into your ear, the noise making you lose your focus for a moment when the owner of them decides to sit in the space next to you, making you swiftly look around and see who dared to pay you a visit when you’re studying.

Met with the gaze of none other than Zhong Chenle himself, you suddenly shrink in size and bashfully look away from the male. You’re not used to the feeling of embarrassment in your veins, not used to how you feel pathetic in his eyes and how you really want to disappear from the face of the earth every time you notice him registering your existence. It’s all your fault anyway, for snooping around in his room and being caught, but you’re not ready to admit that to yourself just yet, even though the reality is slowly catching up on you.

“Hi,” he greets, making you furrow your eyebrows in confusion. A conversation between you and Chenle is a rare sight– you just like to jab at each other and scream curses each other’s way– and starting one with a greeting is even more unusual for the two of you. It’s like both of you lose all sense of formality whenever you’re around each other– only the hatred remains.

“Hello,” you mutter, nervously scratching your forearm. Not daring to meet his eyes, you suddenly feel like he has something above you– the reality of catching you red handed, the very moment at his party. You won’t admit it out loud, but it’s the most defeating thing you’ve ever felt in your whole entire life, and you don’t think you’ll ever be able to recover from it. Never in a thousand years did you expect to be met with the fact that Zhong Chenle is above you in something, but it came down to it, and you don’t know what to do with this information.

Your posture screams hesitance. Not knowing how to act around him, you refrain from acting at all– you don’t think you’re in the position to be rude to him anymore, for it would make you seem even more petty. His presence makes you nervous, the tingling sensation in your whole body and the heat you feel rising to your cheeks making you the most uncomfortable you’ve felt ever since you were cornered up against the wall of Chenle’s room last weekend.

“What’s up?” he asks, the casual tone of his voice confusing you even further. Taking one short look at him, you try to scan his features and somehow find out his true intentions. The boy has an inviting smile on his face– making your heartbeat quicken with a detail you choose not to pay any attention to– and his eyes are soft, opposed to the stone cold look he usually has reserved for you.

“Um… not much, ‘m just studying, I guess…” you mumble, too confused to pay attention to just how lost and puppy-like you must look right in this moment. Kicking your foot up and down under the table, a nervous fixation to ground yourself, you await his next steps.

The boy hums in acknowledgement. If he noticed your state, at least he didn’t mention it– a fact you were grateful for. Cracking your knuckles in the silence of the library, you forget how to keep up a conversation– or you just never learned how to keep up a conversation with Zhong Chenle, of all people. He doesn’t seem to mind, though, when he just takes out his stuff from his backpack and starts working on his homework.

Watching him for a while, you clear your throat and just decide to get it over with. You don’t like the quiet tension in the air, wanting it to disappear, so you just face it with a confident face (well, the most confident you can master up right now). “What are you doing here?”

Your rival looks up at you from his textbook with furrowed brows, shrugging. “Studying.”

“Yeah,” you blink, “but… why are you studying next to me?”

“Is this spot not free?” he asks, obviously teasing you with how the very well-known shiteating grin slowly starts to appear on his face.

“I- I mean it- it’s free, but-”

“Then I don’t see a reason why I shouldn’t study here,” he shrugs, momentarily pointing his look back to his textbook, driving you absolutely insane. Did he lose his mind? Was he having a fever?

“Chenle-”

“Look,” he says, looking up from the textbook again, turning to you with his full body– while also bumping into your knee with his for a second, making you jolt in a weird sense of electricity, “I know we’re not really on the best terms, but I think I’m done with being petty and acting like a child. Seeing that we’re kind of similar, in a way, I think we could even make good friends, so that’s what I’m trying to do here,” he says, smiling at you with that friendly expression he only reserves for his closest friends, making you feel light-headed. Are you having a fever?

“I- I don’t think I understand,” you mutter out, your expression lost. What was going on? Why did your rival suddenly want to be friends with you? After you searched through his room at one of his parties? You felt like you were having a weird dream.

“Let’s just… focus on our own projects for the charity event and forget about the rivalry. What do you say?” he asks, the glint in his eyes taking you off-guard.

What does one even say to that? You’ve spent your whole university years hating this boy, all for being too good at things you always wanted to be exceptional at. The rivalry made you so crazy you didn’t even recognise yourself anymore in the actions you were taking, and while it all felt worth it at the time, to see Chenle himself not even taking it that seriously made you feel even more embarrassed. Was this all just a one-sided battle?

Blinking a few times, you notice the boy out-stretching his hand for you to grip, the handshake a silent seal of the war between the two of you ending. “Friends?”

Gasping for air, you hesitantly reach for his hand, too lost in your own brain and thought spirals to even register what was going on around you. The contact of his skin on your burned, but you shook it nonetheless. “I- I wouldn’t say friends, exactly…”

“Acquaintances on good terms, then, got it,” he grins, seeing your empty eyes and the mess in your brain at the very moment. Suddenly, you feel a hand ruffle your hair, making you jump up in shock. “I’m sure you’ll do great, Y/N,” he grins, making you turn back to your homework and– although to no use– try to focus on the assignment again.

Feeling heat rising to your cheeks and your hands shake with nerves, the rest of the afternoon comes by like a blur.

Mixing the batter in one of the big bowls Jisung’s mum provided you with in their spacious kitchen, you are too lost in thought to even sing along to your favorite baking playlist your best friend put on to make the atmosphere lighter, despite the tension of the upcoming charity event rising. This doesn’t go unnoticed by the boy, when he cautiously approaches the matter.

“What’s gotten you so weird?” he asks, opening the oven and taking out the cupcake tray that’s been sitting in there, prepared for your baking session, since yesterday evening.

“I’m not weird,” you mumble, but don’t even meet his eyes. That’s an instant hint.

“Y/N, you’re not even singing along to One Direction right now, of course something’s up,” he says to prove his point, seeing you sigh and look up to the ceiling for a moment, seemingly debating on finally talking about what’s bugging you the most these days.

“Chenle approached me the other day… to make amends? I guess?” you mumble, shrugging.

Your best friend takes the information in, analyzing what you just uttered out of your lips. Are you sure you weren't dreaming? He wants to ask you if you’re sure it wasn’t all an image of your imagination, but he choses against it as he steps closer to you, scanning your face for any signs of mania.

“He did that after catching you looking through his stuff?” he clarifies, seeing you nod.

“That’s strange.”

“Isn’t it?” you ask, still not believing what you saw at the library the other day.

Jisung hums, furrowing his eyebrows to get his brain cells to work better, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Well, maybe he was sincere, however strange it might sound… He realized the little war you two have is childish and wanted both of you to have fun,” he shrugs, mirroring the exact words Chenle said at the library. Is this really so easy? Is this the final conclusion? The end of everything? You couldn’t just believe that.

“I don’t know…” you hum, moving to drape the cupcake batter into the tray, ready to bake it for tomorrow's event. Jisung helps you with the cleaning-up process, not wanting the burnt batter stuck on the tray to make the whole house smell like forest fire, wiping the excess away with tissues. After you’re done, he plops the tray into the oven and sets a timer for 15 minutes, resting his tall figure against the kitchen counter.

“Maybe you can… quit with the iPad giveaway thing? I mean, now that you don’t have to win, you can forget about that part. I think it’s kind of against the rules as well, since it’s a hint of false advertising? You’re supposed to win by selling the goods, and not by bribing them with an iPad, so I don’t think professor Lee will like that,” he mutters hesitantly, seeing your mouth open agape, shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not. Just because Zhong Chenle hit his head or something, I won’t back away from this fight,” you sternly say.

“Y/N, I promise you it’s not a good idea. You’re just going to get in trouble-”

“I’m not! It’s totally legal, and if I really win, I’m ready to give the iPad away, if that’s what I’m gonna have to do, Jisung.”

A heavy sigh escapes his lips at this, shaking his head. Yeah, maybe he is petty– maybe he just wants the iPad for himself, but at the same time, what he said was right. This wasn’t a fair game and he doesn’t think it will get approved by your business professor, no matter how hard you try to back it up.

“Life would be so much easier if you constantly didn’t try to impress Zhong Chenle,” Jisung mutters, making blood boil in you, anger felt at the tips of your fingertips.

“Take that back. I am not trying to impress him,” you coldly say, snapping.

“Yeah, sure,” Jisung rolls his eyes, “every single time, it’s all I have to be better than Chenle, I have to win against Chenle, I have to beat him in this and this and that… to me, it just seems like you want him to be impressed with your abilities, because you like him.”

Gasping, you catch the edge of the kitchen counter to steady yourself. “I do not like him. I absolutely despise him, that is,” you grit your teeth, trying to convince your best friend…. and maybe yourself as well.

Jisung just hums, mocking you. The look on your face is enough of a confirmation to him, he doesn’t have to fight you anymore. Besides, the looks you give the boy are surely not you trying to get his business strategy. Not in the gym class, when your rival is a little sweaty and overly-enthusiastic about basketball, at least.

“I still think you should stop with the iPad thing, though,” he says, crouching down to the oven to check up on the cupcakes.

Angrily stomping, you reach towards your backpack on the ground, taking out your papers for the charity event so you can quickly calculate how many batches of the batter you’re going to have to make to fill your goal. Looking through the stack of papers, seeing worksheets from English class and old exam papers that you should’ve thrown out long ago, you disagree with your partner. “Absolutely not, I think-” you stop in your tracks, looking through the papers, still not finding the ones you’re looking for.

Leaning back towards your bag, you stumble through it, still not finding your charity event plans and documents. Stress rising inside of you, knowing too well that you always have the papers with you and there’s no way you left it at home, the reality dawns on you, making you scream in despair. Of course Zhong Chenle’s sudden amends were a little weird.

“That motherfucker stole my charity event plans while I was too busy freaking out over his charming smile!” you yelp out.

Jisung snickers at the state of you. He called it.

When you’re 6 years old, you go to school for the first time. You manage to make every single teacher in your elementary school gasp in amazement as you tell them that you already know how to read and that you don’t need help with signing your textbooks– you know how to write your name as well. As you grow, you only get more intellectual; being put into special level classes, being told you were the best pupil out of the whole school, being constantly praised and made to believe that you are, simply put, much better than everyone else your age.

When you’re 19 years old, you get to university. The gifted child in you starts slowly dying out with the pressure of assignments and the realization that maybe, your whole life, you’ve been lied to and you’re not as extraordinary as everyone told you you were. At 19, you meet Zhong Chenle– the model student, the social butterfly, the teacher’s pet– and suddenly, he’s your enemy. You promise yourself to always be better than him. That itself was your only goal.

When you’re almost 20, standing in the enormous gym of your university, looking over at Zhong Chenle’s stand with fast food and the giveaway tickets for a brand new iPad being given with every purchase above 5 dollars, the flood of people gladly giving money to the man dressed in a neat black suit, looking like the businessman he, at heart, truly is, you finally admit that you’re losing.

The cupcakes stay abandoned at the trays, no one paying attention to all the effort you and Jisung gave into the charity event. If you really think about it, it’s kind of unfair– you did play fair, despite your previous antics, and you did everything in your power to raise as much money as you could. Looking at the lonely pastries, you feel defeated.

“Want one?” you ask Jisung, pointing towards the ones covered with pink icing– the exact ones he wanted to eat yesterday evening instead of dinner, after several hours of baking– seeing the boy furrow his brows in confusion.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to eat them until the event ends,” he says, watching over your dull look.

“Yeah, well,” you shrug, “it’s over for us anyways, so I don’t really care anymore,” you proclaim as you take a bite of the cupcake, not even paying attention to the icing smearing all over your face.

The boy next to you only pouts at your argument, not used to seeing you so discouraged. He can’t say you’re not right– hell, he does have eyes and common sense, he can see the row of people waiting for Zhong Chenle’s fries from McDonald’s and pizza from Papa John’s– but still, he expected more determination from your ambitious persona.

“Y/N,” he whines, “it’s okay. Maybe we can still win,” he lies through his teeth, trying to cheer you up.

“Jisung, look at Chenle’s stand.”

“I am looking.”

“Do you still think we can win?”

“No,” he says, “but I thought my white lies could make you feel better.”

“Well, they can’t.”

“Okay, just eat your cupcake, will you?” he mutters, sighing at the state of you. Some freshmen girls come by to buy a cute little cupcake, but the few dollars in your basket right now won’t make any difference to the money moves your moral enemy is making.

“I tried so hard, Jisung,” you mourn with a full mouth, letting your emotions run free, “I tried so hard, and I still got nothing. This is so embarrassing, you can’t even imagine. I was supposed to be the winner, I was supposed to have the masterplan,” you complain, seeing Jisung sympathetically, although a little absent-mindedly, nod at all your points and arguments.

“It’s okay, Y/N, you can’t win all the time. It’s not embarrassing,” he encourages you, slyly taking a cupcake off the tray and biting into it, still acting cautious in case you decide to change your mind and revoke your approval to eat your goods.

“It is! You can’t imagine how defeating this feels.”

“I can see it on your face, sweetheart. Maybe if you stop frowning…?” Jisung mumbles, making you glare at him momentarily, his insides loosening up a little from the image of taking your mind off the issue at hand for just a few seconds.

“We have the last few minutes until the charity event is over!” you hear the voice of professor Lee through a megaphone she borrowed from the drama club, making you grunt. “Everyone, the sale is over at 2pm! Count your money after and bring it to me.”

Sighing, you don’t even try to sell any last-minute cupcakes anymore, opting to gather the money you’ve raised today. Quickly counting it and finding a scrap of paper to scribble down the amount (which is a sad, poor 20 dollars, if any of you were interested), you put the money into a zip-lock back and walk over to your professor, handing it in.

“Why did you rush it? Maybe someone would want-”

“Jisung, just… leave it. I’m over this already,” you say, sitting back next to your best friend, seeing him pout– mirroring your saddened expression– suddenly making you feel bad for impacting the mood of your business partner so much. “But hey, we had fun, didn’t we?”

Jisung looks at you in disbelief, breaking out into a grin at your poor attempt at easing the mood. “I guess we did, yeah,” he notes, “I know I did, although my stomach kind of still hurts from eating all the left-over icing from yesterday.”

“I told you there were raw eggs in that, what if you get salmonella, for fuck’s sake?” you sigh, shaking your head at him.

“It’s not salmonella! I just don’t handle sugar well-”

Your conversation is ended soon with a noise of a gong, signaling that the charity fundraiser was now over and every single stand should stop selling their goods. Looking around, you see the gym slowly empty out, leaving behind only the business majors that participated in the event, all counting up their raised money.

“Dude, I think we got around 150,” you hear Yangyang gasp from the stand next to yours, making you sigh with the information that even the condom stand raised more money than your cupcakes that were baked with care and love (and maybe a little bit of spite for Zhong Chenle. You can’t see it on them, though, so you guess it’s fine).

The next events come by in a whim– everyone hands in the money they raised at the fundraiser, one by one, gossipping about how much they’ve earned and how good they’re doing. Throughout the whole process, your eyes are glued to one person in particular– the one you were competing with in the first place.

Zhong Chenle moves through the place like he owns it, like it’s his own prestigious branch of his successful business, dressed formally, now shrugging off the suit jacket, leaving him only in a stylish white button-down and black pants, leaving you gasping for air. Grinning to his companion, Na Jaemin– although dressed similarly, but not leaving the same impact– you can only imagine how much he’s shit talking you right now, laughing maniacally at the fact that he stole your plan and won with it, taking all the credit and being the best yet again. It makes your stomach turn and twist in angry knots, feeling stupid each time your eyes flash down to his toned forearms when he moves away the things from the little stand, cleaning it up; for if you would’ve paid less attention to the man with the name Zhong Chenle, you wouldn’t feel half as defeated as you do right now.

“Stop ogling him,” Jisung teases, making you grunt.

“I’m trying to kill him with my glare.”

“I think you confused it with heart-eyes, sweetie-”

“If you don’t shut the fuck up right now, I’ll choke you with your favorite pink cupcakes,” you smile at him innocently, making the boy shut up instantly, fearing for his own life.

Professor Lee triumphally stands in the middle of the gym, looking around at everyone. The proud smile on her face tells you that the other stands most likely made more money than yours did, earning the charity a solid amount of money that your university doesn’t have to be ashamed of. The only thing is that you are ashamed– of yourself, though. You thought you’d do better than you did, but you guess you have to come to terms with the fact that you can’t always be the winner.

“Everyone,” the professor starts her speech, “I am really grateful for every single one of you standing here right now. I want to thank you all for your effort, and I also will be grading everyone with an A for this event, because I can see that all of you truly worked your hardest. Now, though, is the time to announce the team that earned the most money, and therefore, won the little competition I made to motivate you.”

Looking around at everyone, you suddenly feel like you’re watching Eurovision, waiting for the points to be added up until 2am, slowly losing your motivation to keep watching further. Professor Lee smiles before she turns to the stand expected to win, making everyone’s suspicions correct.

“The team that made the most money, ladies and gentlemen, is Zhong Chenle and Na Jaemin,” she proclaims, making the boys scream in joy, jumping up and down in their places as they rush into a hug. They look like their hard work has paid off after 20 years of effort, however, the only work they did was steal your plan and buy some fast food… pathetic, really. Seeing the wide grin on Chenle’s face, you find yourself rolling your eyes, especially when your make eye contact with him and quickly force yourself to look away. “However,” the professor continues, making the boy’s faces fall.

“I was met with the information that you two violated the rules,” she says, making Chenle furrow his brows in confusion.

“H-how-”

“You worked with false advertisement, which, as I already said, was against the rules of the whole event.”

“How was this false advertisement?” he asks, getting all defensive. Something inside of you lights up at the sight of him all frustrated, but you wouldn’t say it out loud, for you think Jisung would accuse you of being a sadist.

“What you were supposed to be selling was the food, although I don’t agree with it being store-bought either, but I’m willing to ignore that fact,” she explains, “but what you did instead was sell tickets to your iPad giveaway, which was not in the business plan you’ve given me a few days ago.”

“But professor Lee, it’s not like that-”

“Therefore, you will not get the iPad, and the price goes to the second place, which is Lee Yangyang and Lee Donghyuck. Congratulations, boys.”

The duo on your right fist bumps and screams at the top of their lungs, making everyone in the university gym scowl with the sharp pain in their ears. Now, this wasn’t exactly the outcome you were expecting… you can’t say you hate it, though. Turning to Jisung, ignoring the yells of despair uttered out of the mouth of Zhong Chenle, complaining that condoms weren’t technically allowed as the product for sale, you hug your best friend with stars in your eyes, tugging him closer. He was right with his previous arguments, after all. Not that you'd admit it to him, since you're still super petty, but you're glad you didn't proceed with your innitial plan nonetheless.

“Woah, there,” Jisung gasps as he hugs you back, “we didn’t win, Y/N, though…”

“I know,” you hum into his chest, satisfied.

“So…”

“I’m just happy Zhong Chenle isn’t the winner,” you grin, pulling away from the boy, ready to celebrate the win of the two dumbasses in your business class. You never thought you’d see the day when Chenle is beaten by a duo that rarely attends the class, but you’re more happy than ever to let them indulge in the joy right now.

Hearing someone clear their throat behind you, you turn around. Surprised to see Chenle there, your smile freezes at your face, making you look like you’ve just been paralysed, earning yourself a kick into your shin from Park Jisung sitting at the chair next to you before he excuses himself and leaves for a bathroom break.

“Hi,” you greet as you see Chenle sheepishly look at you, his hands in the pockets of his pants.

“You got me there, Y/N,” he says, shaking his head in disbelief, “I didn’t take you for such a mastermind,” he adds, making you confused.

“What?”

“The plan in your bag… you had it there because you knew I’d take it, didn’t you? You were trying to make me lose all along,” Chenle adds, finally bringing clarity into your brain. He’s not right– you were just too stupid to realise the consequences of your future actions in that moment, but now you’re glad the universe worked in your favor and you were too gullible to trust your moral enemy in the moment. You may have been weak back then, but now, you’re the winner out of the two of you– and you can’t say it doesn’t make your ego rise to enormous heights.

“Y-yeah…” you hum, not realizing your expression gives it away almost immediately, bringing Chenle the last hint of confidence he needs before he takes his next step towards you. The knowledge that you didn’t plan to sabotage him, and that this was self-sabotage all along, makes the boy content– you may hate him, but not as much.  The fact that you were so out of your mind to let him take your plans right under your nose must be a hint of something.

“So…” he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck, “what I said back then in the library still stands, though,” he says, chuckling. “I know I kind of lied back then, but now I mean it. I don’t… I don’t really want us to fight anymore, and I actually think the two of us would make a great pair- I mean, friends, so…”

Blinking at him a few times, feeling heat rising to your cheeks, you feel like you’re having another fever dream. There’s no competition right now, no business strategies, no exams to be taken. So… the intentions behind his words must be truthful, right?

“Um, I…” you start, but end up gasping like fish on sand, at a loss for words. Flickering your eyes from his to your feet and back to his shy smile, you feel like your brain is overheating. Curse hormones, really… it can’t be anything other than that. There’s no other reason why your brain keeps contemplating if this is him asking you out, and no reason why you so desperately want that accusation to be true.

“We can hang out after this, if you want,” Chenle suggests, rocking a little in his place, “with- with Jaemin and Jisung as well, since they seemed to get along…” he adds, the hint of blush creeping onto his cheeks making you want to scream into your pillow with overwhelmingness.

“That would be great,” you say, seeing the boy nod at your words, relief visibly flashing behind his eyes.

“Okay, great,” he smiles, “I’ll just get my things and I’ll find you later?”

“Sounds good,” you nod, your brain turning into a foggy mess.

Watching him turn on his heels and walk towards Jaemin standing on the other side of the gym, grinning at his friend with a suggestive wiggle to his eyebrows, you zone out. Is this your reality? Did you shift into another universe where the two of you don’t want to kill each other? How did you even move on from those emotions?

“You okay?” Jisung suddenly emerges from behind you, feeling shocked at the sight of you completely unfocused and still in your movements.

“Mhmm,” you peep, taking deep breaths.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” you nod, turning to your friend. “Do you wanna hang out with Jaemin later?”

You meet Zhong Chenle at 19, hating everything about him with burning passion, despising the way he always made you feel challenged and on your toes. He shakes with your word, turning you into a competitive mess, always trying your best to be better than him at everything, just so you could see the defeated look on his face and get acknowledgement.

When you’re almost 20, you realize that a hint of what you always wanted was acknowledgement from Zhong Chenle.

It might not solve all your problems, but maybe turning less competitive is a start.

[justa-moth]

this is an incredibly niche thing that will appeal to maybe like one other jrwi fan, but:

what crew i think various riptide characters would be on if they were tech theatre kids

because why not :]

Jay: - oh Set Crew for SURE dude - shes the head carpenter - she knows how to use every tool in the shop - she's the one helping the newbies learn said tools - she'll yell at you to be safe but also do the worlds most unsafe things - she probably gets thrown on fly rail alot and is bitter about it because she'd rather move stuff on stage

Chip: - Set - Now he might not be great at it - but he would just really enjoy using the power tools - (and Jay would be on his ass about it constantly because he is Not safe like at ALL) - he probably gets put on like the super heavy set piece for a scene change and will do nothing but complain about it

Gillion: - ok this one was hard - i dont think hes set crew - but i do think hes usually been crowned the official Heavy Set Piece Mover - just because hes the theatres resident Strong Man - honestly i think he's scared of most of the power tools tbh jhkfsdjhk - he's probably just general stage crew, aka just the jack of all trades guy that any of the crews can use if they need an extra hand - (however he never helps any of the crews that require like a steady hand, like makeup, costume, or props, just bc of how big and clunky he is hjkfsdjkh)

Queen: - probably props or makeup/costume - theyre utterly terrified of ANY power tools and will avoid the shop like the PLAGUE - she probably really enjoy just sitting and working on small details for props while they blare music - (she is also the person in the theatre with the BEST music tastes, literally the best rehearsal playlist) - you look away from queen for maybe an hour and he will come back with the most intricate and beautifully designed prop - and it ends up having maybe 5 seconds of screen time and will have to get deconstructed once shows over

Gryffon: - okay so he's the guy that everyone thought would be the resident strong man when he joined the theatre. - and while technically he is, this poor man finds a way to break fucking anything - working on a set piece? it will crumble when he walks in the room. - working on lighting? they lamps will explode - he's the murphys law man. if anything could go wrong, it Will if he's in the room - its gotten to the point where every show the theatre does a ritual to the Theatre Gods in hopes that gryffon's powers of Pure Destruction may be nullified long enough for them to actually get shit done - he probably just gets put on fly rail because thats the only thing he hasn't managed to break

Alphonze: - Lighting / Sound for SURE - i would trust this man to operate the board - he's literally a god at programming cues, hes always on time - he cuts the mic out the SECOND the actor leaves the stage, he gets mic problems fixed INSTANTLY - if somethings wrong with a light, he IMMEDITAELY knows how to fix it - he is essentially the Antichrist to gryffon's destructive power - its the Theatre Superstition that if Alphonze and Gryffon are in the same room for too long it'll cause a singularity

Lizzie: - Set or maybe even Stage Manager - she's probably stage manager, but like only hangs out with techies - because being in the room with the cast and their songs for too long makes her just actually wanna die - shes super chill, but then tech week hits and she means BUISNESS - her ass gets things DONE - they could be in any stage of the creative process, and lizzie will find a way to speedrun it in the best and most efficient way possible

Caspian: - Makeup / Costume - like i imagine him helping people do their makeup in the dressing rooms before show - he would also be that one poor head costume manager helping the main character with the worlds most stressful quick change - or the poor mf who has to speed safety pin someones clothes together because it ripped mid performance

Marshal John: - literally THE set guy, aside from Jay - you need something heavy moved quickly? get john - power tools broken? get john - literally any problem that could easily be solved by a Big Strong Man? john. - he, like gillion, is the other Resident Strong Guy - however all prop people know to never get NEAR him, because this poor man has a way of literally just breathing on a prop and causing it to shatter - he's just big and clunky and can't handle delicate things

Drey and Finn: - the resident Uncles of the theatre - they don't work there - but theyre there to support their Kids TM - drey probably donates random pieces of furniture to the set department - and finn makes BANGER meals for the crew when it gets closer to performance - and they work like 12+ hours without eating - finn will MAKE SURE these poor kids get their nutriants

Earl: - in the same vein, he's also just one of the resident Uncles - once before a performance earl didn't make them juice - and literally Everything went wrong - so now everyone is convinced that Earl's juice is Magical and Blessed - and if the theatre doesn't get blessed by his juice, everyone fears for their life - Earl uses this to his advantage, and will actively threaten people to drink his juice by saying like "if you don't drink this i'll make sure that chandelier breaks right before the finale!!" - and the poor set crew kids just start SWEATING

[james-a-b]

the TATINOF experience

ok so. i've wanted to make a post about this for a While now; i feel like a lot of people don't really understand or appreciate how unprecedented TATINOF really was, and for me, watching it in Seattle in 2016, it was the best day of my life.

So here we go.

(I've put the rest below a readmore bc this is an 18 paragraph post lmao)

On March 26th, 2015, Dan and Phil revealed TABINOF via a trailer set in the distant future. The book itself was not entirely unprecedented- other youtubers had written and were writing books, but for the most part (at the time) these were either fictional works or serious biographies; TABINOF was a time capsule of Dan and Phil's youtube brand, and a glimpse into parts of their lives we hadn't seen yet. (For example; Phil's hamster breeding adventures) But tucked into the pages of the book in the trailer were a pair of tickets to The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire. This was insane. No youtuber had ever gone on tour before, save perhaps for a few musicians; no one had done a stage show. No one knew what to expect.

And, as they asked the audience of each show not to share spoilers, most of us went on not knowing what to expect until we'd seen it ourselves.

I saw the show on June 18th, 2016, near the end of the US leg of the tour. I went in knowing three things:

There were set ways in which we the audience could participate: there was Crafty Corner, Weird Kid, Phone Support Hotline, and a 7 Second Challenge submission box. (I submitted art to Crafty Corner, and I was thrilled just knowing they'd see it)

The set was a giant microwave. What this meant, I could not imagine.

Everyone who'd already seen the show said it was incredible.

I remember having had a dream that I was at the show like a week before it actually happened, and I woke up just as the show was about to start in the dream because my brain couldn't come up with anything they might do onstage lmao.

I can't even begin to put into words how incredible the atmosphere was before the show even started. Phannies were lined up for two blocks outside the theatre, and I'd never felt so welcome anywhere in my life. The doors opened. I believe Cornelia was working the merch stand pre-show, though I don't remember for sure- I got a signed copy of TABINOF and then I took my seat.

The set was incredible, and the pre-show playlist was amazing. Everyone sang along to every song, and when Troye Sivan's Wild came on, everyone screamed. Seriously, if you've never looked at the pre-show playlist for TATINOF you should. Finally, All Star by Smash Mouth played. Everyone was singing along, and laughing because of course Dan put that in there, and then, halfway through the song, the music stops and the lights go out. Everyone screamed, and the opening sequence began to play on the microwave. I understand why they opted to edit that directly into the beginning of the recording, because it would've been a little difficult to see in the recording otherwise, but at the same time it hit so much better when it played directly on the microwave.

And then they came out on stage, and they were so much more awkward than I expected. Dan kept squatting slightly, like he was trying to be shorter, and Phil moved almost like a marionette. They said their hellos, and then they addressed the microwave being there, and the plot started to become apparent- Phil had microwaved his laptop.

I'm not going to get into too much detail on every bit of the show, because I've already written about eight paragraphs and I could write about twenty more going play-by-play through every aspect of the show, but that's not the point of this essay, so I'll attempt to keep things at least a little shorter than that.

The first truly unprecedented thing was when Dan said they were "having a bit of a domestic" when Phil said he couldn't get off the lion. This was the very first time they'd come anywhere near addressing the elephant in the room (their relationship) publicly since the V-day vid. Obviously, compared to the things they've said in 2024 (we've never fucked on youtube, etcetera), "we're having a bit of a domestic" is incredibly tame, but this was huge. Everyone screamed.

And then, shortly after, Phil started singing, and everyone screamed much louder. They did little songs all the time in baking videos or while playing the sims, but this was different. This was on stage, with a spotlight and everything. It was not a surprise to me when Dan cut Phil off; I thought the song was for sure a joke, that there was no way they'd come back to it (spoiler alert, they did).

And then there was the 7 Second Challenge bit, and Reasons Why Phil Was A Weird Kid, and Uncle Dan's Phone Support Hotline, and the PINOF 75 bit. And it was all weird and crazy and amazing. But the next thing I really want to focus on is Fanfiction Live.

Fanfiction Live was... absolutely insane. My show chose cowboys on the moon, and the script they wrote for it was.... so undeniably gay? Like. "Should Phil draw Dan like a French girl"? Are you kidding? This really happened???? They wrote this in 2015. Four years before they came out. This was so far beyond unprecedented. This was unthinkable.

And then, immediately following this insanity, they began Smashing Plates and then they were like "IT'S DIL" and by this point i was hoarse from screaming but when I tell you I screamed...

And then Dil said all those things about Dan feeling like nothing he did was worth anything, but that it meant a lot to Dil and to the audience, and that Phil felt like he had to change who he was to please others but that we appreciated him for who he is... I melted. It was a moment of such genuine honesty, and they'd saved my life, and I loved them so, so much.

And then Phil started singing again, and Dan didn't stop him, and Dan started singing too, and the song was so them, ironic yet genuine, and I was out of my mind because I couldn't believe they were Singing On Stage like that, like, they were youtubers. Not professional singers. No one asked or expected them to go that far. But they did it.

it was the best day of my life.

[fumifooms]

oh, sorry for so many asks, i also wanted to say too though i really agree so much with your chilchuck thoughts so far, even down to your personal headcanons about how things might go post-series. and you're absolutely right, i'll defend that little guy any day myself. you understand him so well and it's kind of relaxing to have someone else dish out this kind of analysis and already agree with all of it cus it's just so real, so thank you again for the Meal <- perhaps the perfect thing to say about dungeon meshi analysis when i think about it

i know you have playlists and stuff so i wanted to share a song i've been listening to that that reminds me of him: divine loser by clem turner

No worries, they’ve been a lot of fun! I do plan on getting back to each one btw, just gotta get through some other things first hopefully. Aaaah that’s really nice to hear 🥺 I do know the feeling haha, it’s always fun to have posts that Get It that you just nod along with 🤝 I’ve thought sooo much about Chilchuck I rotate him in my brain like rotisserie chicken more often than not, glad it all ended up being productive haha. Y’know recently my friends have been calling me a Chilchuck superfan/scholar jokingly and it actually made me have a realization moment of…

Bc I’ve always said Laios was my fave and like, he does mean everything to me idk if I’ve ever felt so seen as with Laios, I relate to him sooo much, but then. Okay alright that can be a different thing than a character being your favorite fine FINE I admit it Chilchuck’s my top blorbo. He’s so.🧍‍♂️I can’t even describe. He’s so….. He’s a clown but he’s also perfection in its best imperfect form I will not be taking further questions today. My friend called him my silly rabbit like that one meme and it makes me laugh sm

Thank you for the music rec!! I listened to it and yes agreed, sent straight to my Chil playlist. Songs are my bread and butter when I have character brainrot bc like with web weavings I feel like there are so many emotions and thoughts you can communicate about something so simply through one… (Which for anyone interested here’s my web weaving tag, got 2 about Chil). Gonna link all my dunmeshi playlists while I’m here: Dungeon Meshi, Chilchuck & his wife, marchil, Mithrun.

Ok everyone saw this coming but this ask ran away from me and I ramble about some song lyrics I associate with Chil & different facets of his life below the cut. Some people find my, ehem, heated rambles about Chil entertaining, this is your cue to get out the popcorn.

When thinking about songs for Chil I have 3 angles I take: About Chilchuck, about him and his wife, or about him & Marcille. Marchil is so engraved into me with their arcs together, that they’re like the concept of closure and letting go and letting yourself live again to me, sorry for all the non-enjoyers…

I think currently my top song for him is Jackrabbit by San Fermin, because it combines all three it makes me go wild. It’s about trepidation… Throwing yourself into it even despite the fear (working with traps, survival in poverty where you have to rush & hustle), or just staying there paralyzed(not reaching out to his wife). Flight or freeze!! Saying goodbyes and saying hellos!! Not dying alone!! The life cycle of a wild rabbit living and dying, the baton pass race of life from generation to generation!! Chil and his daughters even!!! Going through life at a frenzied pace!! It is so Chilchuck and so marchil, and the music does give that hurried and scared energy to me too, and sigh the Marcille side to it with fear of death too…

Extra fun context but the other day on the discord server we were talking about what animal each character’s fursona would be as we do and I thought of a rabbit for Chilchuck: Quick footed, ‘cowardly’, small and frail and seen as weak 🙃, athletic and slender, pulls stunts, stressed out, has very fine hearing and has good instincts, etc. And ofc that fits really well with Marcille since she’s kinda associated with dungeon rabbits hehe~ But I think while Marcille’s 100% the cute round rabbit Chil’s more like a brown hare, more wild and like, more like a jackalope if we’re still doing monsters... I do lowkey find it more fun than his associated monster being mimics because he’s crabby, because they’re clever (with where they place themselves) and because of how he has a soft shell but soft insides, lol.

OKAY so that’s my song pick with the main 3 facets sure, now I’ll share some lyrics for each 3 sides separatedly 😈 Kinda summarizing my web weavings for him thus far. If we start with Chilchuck by himself we have… Enter One by Shelby Merry and Drunk by The Living Tombstone

With his wife, we have the bad end, and the good end for if they get back together with Lost Kitten by Metric and North by Sleeping At Last… Okay okay plus Love Like Ghosts and My Heart is Buried in Venice… Little Soldier by The Crane Wives for them also RUIN me

And Marchil… Marchil oh my beloved. Another buddy also made a full analysis on discord about Soap by The Oh Hellos for them lol, but these are Not I by I Fight Dragons and My Heart is Buried in Venice again~

Okay okay two more. Boats & Birds by Gregory and The Hawk, and Tummy by Tamino.

Finishing it up with quotes from, in order, A Softer World by Joey Comeau, Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, Acknowledgements by Danez Smith, The Letter by Richard Paul Evans, and last but not least posts from dead tumblr account flintcoded. I keep looking around and finding MORE fitting quotes. Someone stop me- In loving me you hold a knife at my throat, in loving you I tell you exactly where to cut. Forgive me, memory is a rope around my neck. I need you to be happy, I need one of us to be happy.

Hand in unlovable hand…

In conclusion;

[lonelyroommp3]

what would be on your enjoltaire 8tracks playlist if you made it today

you know what i didn't realise how effective my recovery from e/r had been until i sat down to make this and actually ended up having to crack open my beloved 2014 iPod That Still Has Flappy Bird On It And All in order to make a decent length playlist bc i just do not listen to enjoltaire songs anymore apparently. all this to say this has about 5 songs that, per your actual prompt, would be on my enjoltaire 8tracks playlist if i made it today and then 15 others that are direct dispatches from the mind of teenage alix. do NOT listen to this for sonic cohesion because trust me you will not be getting any

anyway i set myself one (1) rule for this which was i am not allowed to use any song that i have seen on an enjoltaire fanmix before. this made the entire project even more challenging

and if you're curious to know what the fuck i was thinking here, director's commentary below the cut:

secret diary - autoheart rip enjolras you would have loved listening to this song when you were really pissed off with grantaire

too sweet - hozier loath as i am to include a song that has become this grossly overplayed via tiktok, the very first time i heard this song i thought my god if hozier had released this song 10 years earlier it would have had the enjoltaire 8tracks girlies in a CHOKEHOLD. i can't not include it

i'll come running - brian eno i might be breaking my own rules here because a rando song being on my old ipod from an artist i otherwise barely listen to probably suggests i stole it off an 8tracks fanmix. but whatever it's an enjoltaire fanmix, it's a good song, did anyone else clock it in the background of baby reindeer (i have not finished that show and i am not going to, but anyway, great song)

satanist - boygenius "solomon had a point when he wrote ecclesiastes/if nothing can be known then stupidity is holy" could literally be a line from one of grantaire's drunken rants. welcome back victor hugo

the bird and the worm - owl city this is a teenage alix enjoltaire playlist classic. i won't apologise

stephen - kesha i firmly believe every e/r playlist requires at least one song that doesn't really fit in the details of the lyrics but the vibes are so grantaireish it's got to make it in. do you guys think the ugly girlfriend sneering across the room was epo-*i am shot*

gold rush - taylor swift IT'S THE ONLY TAYLOR SWIFT SONG ON HERE I PROMISE. HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING. HEY STOP WALKING AWAY AND TELL ME "AT DINNER PARTIES I CALL YOU OUT ON YOUR CONTRARIAN SHIT" ISN'T AN ENJOLTAIRE LYRIC. COME ONNNN

for you and your denial - yellowcard about here is where i just gave up and cracked open the old ipod. i also wanted a clear vibe shift in this playlist and right about here is where i think we move from "mostly lighthearted pining and jabbing at each other's conflicting beliefs" to the "enjolras and grantaire biting each other's heads off" part of the fanmix. anyway i literally bought this entire album in hmv in like 2012 because i stumbled upon this one song on youtube and thought nah mate. this is e/r

make me wanna die - the pretty reckless i honestly have very little to say on this one. just more pissed off vibes

call me when you're sober - evanescence the simple fact of the matter is evanescence defined my teenage years and this will always and forever be an enjoltaire song

for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic - paramore i have really vivid memories of being on holiday with my parents in like 2013/14, stuck in rush hour traffic out of rouen, this album blasting in my ears, thinking this song is exactly what enjolras is thinking when grantaire goofs up at the barrière du maine

one big beautiful sound - johnny manchild and the poor bastards it is my near religious belief that every enjoltaire fanmix should have at least one song that sounds like this because i think this is precisely the kind of music that grantaire would actually listen to. actually tbh i think he is also into really really filthy drum and bass but i'm trying to keep this playlist at least slightly sensible

ever - emilie autumn this is such a perfect e/r song that it even talks about painting somebody's portrait. straight out of the fanon playbook, thanks emilie

misty - laufey right around here, or really starting with "ever", we hit the third phase of this playlist, which is "songs to be passed out and suicidal to while all your mates are getting violently killed around you". please note the hand holding foreshadowing. don't ever say i half arse these things

i'm your man - mitski genuinely this one speaks for itself i think. jaw dropped when i heard this one for the first time.

what if - emilie autumn here's where we kind of transition into the fourth portion of the playlist, which is "grantaire wakes the fuck up and goes hey wait no, i think i am going to die for & with this man actually". getting a bit more optimistic and determined but we're still in that wistful acoustic ballad space we've slipped into previously

twin flames - epica this is not from design your universe, epica's previous album, but i just wanted to use this space to say that i would regularly sit on the bus home from school imagining a whole elaborate barricades themed visual album set to design your universe. this bonus track from their next offering was just the icing on the cake. any song with a lyric like "you're all i need/my one belief" was like CRACK to teenage alix i s2g

save yourself, i'll hold them back - my chemical romance 15 year old alix would have figured out time travel to come and kill 27 year old alix in my sleep if i hadn't put a single mcr song on here

bows and arrows - kaiser chiefs i was OBSESSED with this album in 2014 and completely forgot its existence until i resurrected the old ipod. and it's REALLY good. especially this song, which i decided to check the lyrics for on genius bc i vaguely remembered it being an e/r song to me but i also haven't listened to it in like 10 years, and these quotes from ricky wilson absolutely flabbergasted me: "I liked the idea that bows and arrows are pretty useless on their own but when you get them together, they can be quite formidable... What’s wrong with a load of blokes admitting they need each other?"

i, carrion (icarian) - hozier listen, half of the reason i'm including this song is a bit of a joke at the fact that due to my self imposed rules i can't put icarus by bastille on here, but i do kind of like it as a frozen in time slo mo as the bullets hit kind of finale to this whole thing :)

[autisticlalna]

and i am just the NEW INVENTION - a Twitch SMP VikingPilot & Rubyco fanmix

[ listen on Spotify! ]

TRACKLIST: tally hall - Ruler of Everything // oingo boingo - Gratitude // hi i'm case - Monsters Nearby // IDKHOW - New Invention // forrest day - Sleepwalk // jubyphonic, circus-p - Hello, Again // big data - Put Me to Work // chase petra - Reliable Narrator // enter shikari - Crossing the Rubicon // the mountain goats - Younger // rare americans - Up, Up & Away // 65daysofstatic - Aren't We All Running // set it off - Hourglass // USS - Hydrogenuine // agosti - Triangles // becko - HOME // area 11 - Everybody Gets A Piece // panic! at the disco - Crazy = Genius // enter shikari - No Sleep Tonight // fall out boy - The Last Of The Real Ones // i fight dragons - The Devil You Know

(warning: contains strong language)

reasoning behind songs under the cut!

these are a bit of a mess and are anywhere from "viking" to "ruby" to "navigator" to "kinda sapphire-ish??" to "one's feelings about the other" to "both of them" to "general vibe". there's also a few songs that got cut but still kinda hit the vibe that i might talk abt some other time??? i dunno man this playlist was a catastrophe to make. ANYWAY

Ruler Of Everything: "you understand mechanical hands are the ruler of everything, ruler of everything, i'm the ruler of everything in the end" // Viking. i don't really need to elaborate here, it's just Viking.

Gratitude: "but when i think of you, and what you've done to me, you took away my hope, you took away my fantasy, i once had lots of pride, the world was in my hands, i lived way at the top in castles made of sand" // gestures in the vague direction of Viking and Ruby. man i don't even know what's happening over there. this is a bit of a Recency Bias song bc i first heard it like right before lore really kicked off so it was fresh in my mind

Monsters Nearby: "only get so far putting off those dreams of yours [..] thinking of all these strange things when you should rest, it's hard to sleep like this when there's monsters nearby" // Ruby! and, like, of course i'm going to add the song that keeps making me think of the "You cannot sleep, there are monsters nearby" message. "And that voice behind the polarized advice can be the same" is about Viking, though.

New Invention: "oh i can't say no, i'm losing control! i'm having bad dreams, and nothing you can do will keep the bad dreams away from me until i fall asleep. bad dreams! despite your good intentions, that girl is like an architect and i am just the new invention!" // Ruby and Viking! if i did an animatic to any song off this playlist it would be New Invention. goddamn. (also, tViking's design reminds me a bit of eFalse, and roenais's Empires animation to this song lives in my head rent-free)

Sleepwalk: "bad thoughts give me bad dreams and my bad dreams make me get up and walk. bad thoughts give me bad dreams and my bad dreams make me sleepwalk." // oh my god Ruby and Sapphire. the ominous mood encapsulates everything about Sapphire to me, especially before we knew who Saph actually is and she was just "Ruby sleepwalks and leaves ominous signs". it's dark and foreboding and i love it.

Hello, Again: "find a mechanist, a mechanism, working one-by-one! with a busted up database, i'm losing the chase, but i'll say hello again, hello, just who have i become?" // the whole conversation about fixing things, and how that's become a reoccurring theme with Sapphire as well - switching from Ruby being the broken one to Viking being the one needing to be fixed. plus the whole "Ruby and Viking meeting across loops" thing - hello again, hello, just who can i become?

Put Me to Work: "set me off, see what i'm worth! turn me on, i go berserk! i don't care if i get hurt! no, i don't care, just put me to work! [..] i will replace you, replace you, replace you [..] and i won't care when they get hurt, no i don't care, just put me to work!" // Viking is, uh. a lot. hyperfocused to the point of self-destruction. this does bleed over to Ruby too, though, what with zir being desperate to be something Viking won't throw away when he stops seeing zir as useful and Navigator's warning of "don't let him break you". i guess the real question is: would Viking care if they get hurt?

Reliable Narrator: "did you forget that i am not a pacifist? the scar we'll earn from that will be well worth it. did you-- hypnosis, bring roses, don't blow this [..] the bruising will be worth the freedom i have earned from letting everything burn!" // basically every Ruby song on here is "Ruby is going through it". there's a tension here. very fun to have this song on here though considering Sapphire sign "I am a unreliable narrator, am I not?"

Crossing the Rubicon: "fill me out a prescription for this existential dread, i woke up into a nightmare and i'm hoping that you'll take me back to bed [..] fill me out a prescription, can you free me from this curse? i woke up inside your compass and you're navigating us from east to worst [..] something's got to give, we've gone too far to turn back" // this has been a Viking song for ages but never made it onto my dViking playlist for some reason. it works better here, i think. there's going to be a tipping point where you cross the point of no return.

Younger: "try not to lose sight of the mission! it never hurts to give thanks to the broken bones you had to use to build your ladder. moment close at hand, half of you will never understand, and it doesn't really matter. [..] it never hurts to give thanks to the navigator, even when he's spitting out random numbers." // Certified Navigator Moment as suggested by Charm!! this is one of the songs i can't put into words the emotions i have about it but it's just... a lot. "It never hurts to give thanks to the broken bones" is about everybody Viking is going to burn through to get to his goal, and that kinda ties into Navigator trying to intercept i guess??? i dunno man i don't work here <- literally made this playlist

Up, Up & Away: "how many lives can a guy buy? [..] can't erase or save face, what will they think when they hear my voice on the tapes? skies open, wheels in motion, no going back, no, i've chosen!" // Viking!! aaaauughhhhhhhhh. what will you do to get to where you need to go? once again linking into the we've gone too far to turn back thing from Crossing the Rubicon. y'know, in case you can't tell that i think Viking's going to do something awful to reach his ambitions.

Asking For It: "power through the point of no return, famously deranged, all the same hope you change, if the worm is gonna turn, it's none of my concern" // somebody absolutely rips into Viking. probably Ruby. "if the worm is gonna turn it's none of my concern" is said by Viking in this context though. famous last words before Ruby (or Sapphire?) decks him. fun fact: this was one of the first songs i associated with tViking specifically, back during the first lore scene, but i went "ehhh???" on it. then we got to see a bit more of him and... yeah. this guy is asking for it.

Aren't We All Running: [instrumental] // there's a couple instrumentals on here because of talking to Solar about how character playlists rarely have instrumentals and i wanted to have a couple of rest points. i love the slow build here and the overall mood. montage music.

Hourglass: "i can't fix it, is this where i give in? i'm falling through the hourglass, and i don't think i'll ever make it back [..] turn the page, look back at what you wrote, do you still feel the same?" // shoutouts to Rubyco Themself for namechecking this song! it's real good. someone let Ruby out of his BOX he needs HELP

Hydrogenuine: "11 is the number i seem assigned to, inversions of an opposite truth aligns you, directions like the back of your hand will guide you, i am simply here to assist and remind you" // this is kindasorta a Navigator song, kindasorta just The Situation. i cannot properly explain this one, it just Is. what if we kept running into each other in different universes and timelines but something broke this time and now we're trying to fix it

Triangles: [instrumental] // iiii wanna animaaaate to this sooooongggg hope this heeeeelps

HOME: "every road leads back to where i belong! and i can see, when i'm on my own it's the place i can call home! my mind creates a new world that is so disordered, i proclaim myself king and pope! DID, we are in 3 but we're getting along well, i'm glad to be the leader of the wolf pack!" // Viking is so incredibly not okay. just, like, in general. had fun with the DID lyric though considering Viking and Ruby's plotlines are "other versions of themselves are hijacking their bodies" lmao. love unconventional plurality.

Everybody Gets A Piece: "did you honestly think it might've been, might've been me? and all this while, did you think of me? you know, all this while we were pure potential energy dreaming [..] don't ask, you'll never get! you never asked, so you never got nothing! did you get all you wanted from me?" // this one's a bit looser but the vibes are there. the "don't ask, you'll never get" bit is Viking and Sapphire constantly talking in circles mixed with Viking using everybody as tools and that potentially including Ruby. UM. ALSO MAYBE A NAVIGATOR SONG NOW TBH. I MADE THIS BEFORE TONIGHT'S STREAM.

Crazy = Genius: "and i said: if crazy equals genius, if crazy equals genius! then i'm a fucking arsonist, i'm a rocket scientist! if crazy equals genius! you can set yourself on fire, but you're never gonna burn, burn, burn! you can set yourself on fire, but you're never gonna learn, learn, learn, hey!" // peak Viking. LOOK WE'VE EVEN GOT THE FIRE THEME IN HERE! we love an unhinged inventor with an obsession with fire metaphors

No Sleep Tonight: "and from that height we'll leak the lies, and unveil the damaged skies, 'cause we can't quite stomach this! [..] i still can't comprehend a beginning or an end, no i can't quite stomach this! all i'm trying to say is: you're not getting any sleep tonight!" // more hypothetical Future Speculation stuff mixing in with how generally Screwed reality is for Viking/Navigator and Ruby/Sapphire. also the sleepless theming that's clinging to Ruby through all of this.

The Last Of The Real Ones: "you were too good to be true, gold plated - but what's inside you, but what's inside you? [..] i will protect you, i will protect you, just tell me tell me tell me i- i am the only one, even if it's not true, even if it's not true" // WHAT IF YOU WERE SIBLINGS AND KEPT FINDING EACH OTHER IN EVERY UNIVERSE BUT THINGS KEPT GOING WRONG

The Devil You Know: "nobody knows you better than your demons, so, dance with the devil you know or go home."

[wispforever]

1, 7, 10, 13 and 16 for the ask game pls!

1. Most Overrated Character?

I'll answer this question more than once, cuz I'm a hater and I have a few. First one first, I'm just gonna say it. I've never understood what everyone sees in Obito. Do I understand his narrative role? Yes. Am I sympathetic to him as a character? Very much. Do I like him? No. I've seen piles and piles of fanart, of meta, of aesthetics, and playlists. NO HATE, everyone likes who they like, they see something in him I don't. Just do not understand it.

I find Obito annoying and frustrating as a character. He doesn't fascinate me, which is odd because I usually am drawn to characters with a heavy backstory. I think it might be that he decided to kill Kakashi about it. Idk. Just seems like if he really believes all the things he believes, if he really has risen above Madara and the Shinobi system's influence like he says he has, he wouldn't fucking do the same thing Madara wants to do and also try to kill Kakashi who endured the same trauma. Just don't really get him. Glad he came around though. I wish he didn't have to die, I find it unnecessary. The Leaf needs more Uchiha jesus christ

Also I think the obsession the fandom has with Rin THROUGH Obito is more than a little uncomfortable. Rin should have been explored via an avenue that wasn't him. In addition to him, maybe, but not Strictly Obito. Just another female character becoming a plot device.

7. Should Naruto have become Hokage?

I think a better ending for Naruto would have been a personal decision on his part that he doesn't HAVE to be Hokage. In my opinion, it would've been more thematically satisfying. Why do I think this? Because Naruto wouldn't even like doing the actual Hokage job, seeing as it's mostly paper-pushing, strategy, and talking politics with the other Kage. This is what I said to myself before the end of the series. *watches Boruto* I was fucking right.

Being Hokage doesn't suit Naruto. He wanted to become Hokage originally so the citizens of the Leaf would praise and admire him. It was a child's dream born out of unrelenting hate and ostracization. As he got older, Naruto never put two and two together that what he'd set out to accomplish was not actually being Hokage, it was finding people he could belong with and feel loved by. He'd done that by the end of the first arc, and he only went up from there.

After Sasuke leaves, Naruto abandons this dream. Whether he says so or not, Sasuke is more important to him than being Hokage. This could be because Sasuke is the one who makes Naruto feel the most at home in the Leaf. I think of it like this: if Naruto wishing to be Hokage is really a wish for belonging, Naruto pursuing Sasuke instead of pursuing becoming Hokage implies that Sasuke has filled this emotional role for Naruto (or Naruto wants him to, at least). In the end, he is made Hokage because he saves the world and is the most exceptional Shinobi in the Leaf; it's what makes sense. Naruto never really wanted to be Hokage. He wanted to not be despised by literally everyone. And in the end he wanted to be with Sasuke.

No, I don't think Naruto should have become Hokage. I don't think Naruto likes being Hokage.

10. Is Sakura a shitty character or shitty-ly written?

I don't like this question. I see it thrown around a lot. I don't really understand it, honestly. What is a character? It's a fake person written by a real person. It's called a character bc its characteristics and shape are decided by the writer. So what then is the difference between a shitty character and a character that's shittily written? Maybe I'm not conceptualizing it properly. Anway

I think all of Kishimoto's female characters are written like shit. There are zero female characters in Naruto that are given the focus or development they deserve. None of them are treated as if they have the same agency, drive, intelligence, or autonomy that the male characters do. Sexism is alive and well in this writing; there isn't anything else to say.

Do I think if these characters were written by someone who wasn't sexist/a shitty writer/unable to understand women, they would be better? Absolutely.

13. Was Kakashi trying his best? Was he a "good" sensei?

answered here :)

16. Is Tobirama racist against Uchihas?

Racism is defined by google as "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership in a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized." 

The Uchiha is a group in the Leaf that is a minority and also marginalized, as the governing body at this point is made up of Senju, a richer clan and one that has always been at the top of the ladder socially, politically, so on and so forth.

Tobirama, before he becomes Hokage, is unwilling to trust the Uchiha becoming a part of the Leaf. Seeing as the clans have been at war for some time, the concern that he and his clan won't be safe trying to make peace with the Uchiha is not an unreasonable one. However, after Tobirama becomes Hokage, he imposes special laws specific to the Uchiha. He confines them to their own compound, so they will be contained and separated from everyone else. He puts up extensive surveillance, so that they are monitored 24/7. He creates a police force of only Uchiha under the guise of granting them "governing power", what it's really doing is alienating the Uchiha even further from the rest of the populace. He spreads rumors and creates "scientific" evidence that the Uchiha will turn evil with the evolution of their sharingan- something that would be considered a trait distinct to the Uchiha as an ethnic group. Mind you this is presumably years after they have cultivated peace, as Tobirama can only become Hokage after Hashirama is dead. At this point, his fear of the Uchiha has no basis in reality, as they have given him no reason since the war has ended to believe they are a danger (much less inherently evil). He is perpetuating the stereotypes that existed during the war- stereotypes that were born out of fear of the enemy, dehumanization of the other that you must kill or else be killed yourself.

So in short, not only was he racist against the Uchihas, he practically invented racism against the Uchihas.

Thanks for the ask :)

[kamiversee]

oooOOH okay - the way i forgot abt the songs BUT i'm gonna have to straight up make a playlist for these men (as if i don't do the same thing when i'm writing anywaysss)

incoming YAP SESH

so when you mentioned it in the last chapters, i immediately went back listened to 'sober' [childish gambino] BUT i forgot abt 'die for you' [the weeknd] sooooo he's a mini gojo analysis for that song for all my fellow gojo girlies (RAAA):

'i just can't say i don't love you / cause i love you'

this one is obvi lmao the way bro is like "hey btw i LOVE you" every chance he gets

'you hate that you want me'

bro literally says this almost verbatim when he's like "you shouldn't care abt me" but also "it's not a crime [to miss me] love" (ch45)

'i would die for you / i would lie for you ... i would kill for you'

REALLY seein the references to this one in chapter 45 lmao when he's like "i've done worse, for you" and he's said SOOO many times that he'd do anything for you and is explicitly like "the person i am around you now is not the person who fell in love with you"

so here's where i might be wayyy off base again but - what if the list started bc of something gojo tried to do for you, to show how much he cared about you? so like order of events:

years ago, gojo does something bad (ex: hurting someone, manipulating people in your life he views as "bad") in the name of helping you -> sukuna either catches him or he needs sukunas help -> sukuna uses this info to blackmail satoru

the deal for the blackmail is that you either have to complete this list that's made to hurt gojo so badly by punishing the woman he loves AND turns her against him (which is why gojo is so set on the fact that the reader can't have feelings for him, bc he's the one who's supposed to be punished by this whole thing) OR sukuna will kill gojo

which i know is like BIG but ! think about how gojo is always saying he'd do anything for the reader: he was ready to die for her; he had no intention of doing the list. when he walks in on her in ch1 he's like genuinely surprised that an opportunity like that "presented" itself to him, so he really wasn't planning to blackmail you ever

and when you finish the list, gojo is genuinely surprised and relieved that you finish it (ch45) !!!! he's also said that there was no time limit on it but that there actually was one, that it needed to be done by the end of the year i think??? somethin like that i don't remember but that always felt weird to me, so that's probs what sukuna's deadline for gojo was

--

anywhooo i also think sukuna put choso on the list bc he felt bad for hurting him (bc i'm refusing rn to think that choso lied abt the abuse which is the basis of my other theory but it bums me out so i'm just ignoring it lmao) and sukuna saw how obsessed w you gojo was and he was maybe like "hmm ok so this girl must be somethin special" and that's why he was making you hook up w choso !

yap sesh OVER (apologies this got so long and the way i was pulling out citations lmao) i will send more theories when i'm actually awake but i just read your response to my ask and HAD to do a song analysis! love you kami xoxoxoxo

-🩷

Okay this is yap session 1/2 that I’ve received & it’s not as long as the other so I’ll reply normally!!

To start, ty for this theory & semi-breakdown!! I rlly do love reading these ><

1. I LOVE how you broke down the song reference because every lyric from that damn song applies to Mr. Gojo in this fic🙏 Die For You applies more than you guys realize but it’ll make even more sense when we finally receive his backstory <3

2. You & ☃️anon have similar theories with how this whole thing started & it’s fun to see you guys on the right track & nearly hitting the nail on the head ^.^

The first theory about Gojo & Sukuna’s situation is… it’s a wonderful theory, I’ll say that. I will not say if it’s right or wrong but, since TFL is over, I think it’s safe to say you’re definitely on the right track :)

3. The Sukuna & Choso theory at the end is OH MY FUCKING GOD. I’m going to just burn my fic plans atp because I’m pretty sure you guys somehow have access to it 😄 /hj

Anyway, don’t consider that response as me confirming what you just said but DAMN you cooked & the kitchen might be on fire! :3

TO CONCLUDE, ty for the yap sesh, I love u & these sosoosooo much !!

[cj-writes-things]

~Playlists~

For anyone looking for a little musical exploration or some pre-curated themed playlists, I've got you. Feel free to check these out if any of them sound like your kinda vibe!

My main/default playlist; there's a little bit of everything in here so it's good for when there's no particular vibe and you just want random shit on shuffle for hours:

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Playlist I listen to when I'm feeling alone/down; made from a place of feeling unable to accept or reciprocate love and having difficulty forming or maintaining personal relationships, with a few comfort songs mixed in:

"wdym ur lonely? so many ppl love you"

Playlist for hiking, roadtripping, setting out on an adventure, admiring the cosmos, pondering existence, etc (very indie/folk-heavy playlist):

Trailblazin' & Stargazin'

I mentioned this one in my valentine's day post; the title pretty much sums it up I'd say:

love songs I actually like

This one goes along/overlaps with the previous one & was also mentioned in my valentine's day post; basically, songs that helped me get an idea of the kind of love I hope to experience and a better understanding of love in general:

a love like this

Collection of mostly soft, comforting/uplifting songs to listen to when I'm stressed out or anxious or whatever, with a little bit of subdued angst sprinkled in:

calm down

Another one that doesn't really need a description; I don't know exactly what the vibe is with this one I just needed to make it bc reasons:

my personal collection of Sam Smith & Calum Scott songs

Slowed & reverb songs for my adhd bitches who have to have background noise 24/7 but get distracted by more upbeat lively music when they should be sleeping (I've used this one many a night):

Trying to fall asleep

Playlist for feeling overwhelmed, unprepared for adulthood, resistant to growing up, scared of change:

I'm not ready

Songs that either feel trans-coded/supportive or just that I like to listen to specifically during more masc/enby phases, usually because they feel gender-affirming somehow:

For Your Dysphoric Days

Touch-starved, depressed, out of it, and desperate to feel something playlist:

feeling numb.

A few more based purely on vibes whose titles more or less speak for themselves:

life in a YA dystopian fantasy/sci-fi epic

Villain POV

Run Away with Me

Mortality

Phantoms, Fables, and Echoes of the Divine

Chilled, Somber yet Mellow (mostly SYML)

ripples through murky water

This Might Be The End

POV: angsty queer teen with religious trauma

That's all for now, hope somebody gets some enjoyment out of these

[kingprinceleo]

BET YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ME SO SOON

I did the dessert vampires playlist first since it was the shortest!

Stampede- very good interplay with the characters. Gives the vibe of I respect you but we fundamentally disagree on some big issues. Would be fun to play in the background of like a joint operation scheme? like they've gone undercover at a fancy party and this is them working together during it

Vulture- this is such a Shadow backstory song like- i don't know exactly what happens with GUN and Maria in this au but THIS is the song you play to express his feelings. The first verse at least low-key also sounds like Knuckles during or immediately post transformation to Rouge. He's very angy

Welcome to the Circus- a jaunty little tune. bar/saloon coded, probably plays wherever Amy works i think?

Recommend songs for this playlist: Desperado by Rhianna and maybe the entire Anti album based on vibes alone.

Blood Like Lemonade- strong vibes

Trouble Valerie Broussard- more Rouge centric i think

For other playlists:

Like a Vampire Catrien Maxwell, for vamp au Sonic

A Little Wicked - im thinking of Rouge for it but if it fits a different character i wouldn't be surprised

Little Girl Gone Chinchilla - very vamp au Shadow coded imo

Eve Precious Pepala- Shadow coded

All up in your mind- feels like Shadow thinking about Sonic's effect on him in vamp au

Hope these are good and have a nice timezone 🫶🏽. I go to sleep now

~🩸🎵

welcome back fhbghbjfdfdg !!

This playlist is a little more tough to explain bc i havent shared the major plotpoint that changes the whole title of the au fjgfjghf, but ill get there eventually !! Stampede- idrk know how to explain this one beyond its just Them, their conflicts their compromises, how the two are trying to work together in the situation theyre in, big time agree on the respect with huge disagreements tho, thats one of their major sticking points Vulture- RAHHHHHHH THIS IS IS KNUCKLES @ SHADOW !!!!! the entire time its knuckles rage and defiance !!! and im slamming my head into a wall so fucking hard i prommy it makes so much sense when i share the plot Welcome to the circus- its a rouge @ knuckles song ! like i said the subject itself is kinda weak but it hits on some of their core dynamic pieces --- Desperado- this one i could see being very rouge @ shadow but its a bit too forward and honest ! rouge would defo more take the angle of "im following you bc ur hopeless without me <3" Blood Like Lemonade- strong vibes on its own but doesnt particularly fit with anyone at least right now, i might come back to it after fleshing more people out (also i am sadly biased against songs that are kinda slow sob. i need that constant stimulation music {i almost didnt include vulture in the playlist bc of its speed but it was just too accurate and picks up with some heavy hitting stuff near the end}) Trouble- very correct w the rouge part !! defo eying this one up in consideration

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Like a Vampire- defo not vampire au sonic , it actually lines up more with desert vampires rouge (i adore the singers voice btw omg) idk if its going in any of the au playlists but it sure is going in mine ! dfhhdfhg A little wicked- shrug tbh ! i see it for rouge but it feels like its missing something, her spunk, her 4kids saxaphone (im assuming if you dont specify an au you just mean for the canon gamers !) Little Girl Gone- THIS IS SO VAMPIRE AU SHADOWCORE LITTLE UNHINGED BASTARD !!! the blood on my teeth line caught my attention....and then the screaming part sold me HDSHDHF hes sooo silly <333

Eve- im so sorry im really biased against love songs so i dont see it personally !! esp not for shadow </3 All up in your mind- eeh there are a few lines there that work, but overall just misses slightly. big fan of the idea that shadows just making up all those lines tho and sonics never said any of it, thats funny fdgjfjdgfg i feel bad for not enjoying all of them wahh, but i am just really picky tbh,,, its gotta bounce the braincell right... but i appreciate the suggestions sm!!!! tyyy!! have a good sleep !!!