#i mean. there are small details alluding to them.

[xoteajays]

these background paper flowers ships are so background that i’m barely writing the actual development for it. im just throwing switched-pov scenes in like ‘btw these two characters are fucking n-e-way back to the main plot’ agshdkl

[maniculum]

Medieval Scorpions Effortpost

So yesterday I reblogged this post featuring an 11th-century depiction of the Apocalypse Locusts from Revelations, noting the following incongruity as another medieval scorpion issue:

The artist, as you can see, has interpreted "tails like scorpions" as meaning "glue cheerful-looking snakes to their butts".

Anyway, it occurred to me that the medieval scorpion thing might not be as widely known as I think it is, and that Tumblr would probably enjoy knowing about it if it isn't known already. So, finding myself unable to focus on the research I'm supposed to be doing, I decided to write about this instead. I'll just go ahead and put a cut here.

As we can see in the image above, at least one artist out there thought a "scorpion" was a type of snake. Which makes it difficult to draw "tails like scorpions", because a snake's tail is not that distinctive or menacing (maybe rattlesnakes, but they don't have those outside the Americas). So they interpreted "tails like scorpions" as "the tail looks like a whole snake complete with head".

Let me tell you. This is not a problem unique to this illustration.

See, people throughout medieval Europe were aware of scorpions. As just alluded to, they are mentioned in the Bible, and if the people producing manuscripts in medieval Europe knew one thing, it was Stuff In Bible. They're also in the Zodiac, which medieval Europe had inherited through classical sources. However, let's take a look at this map:

That's Wikipedia's map of the native range of the Scorpiones order, i.e., all scorpion species. You may notice something -- the range just stops at a certain northern latitude. Pretty much all of northern Europe is scorpion-free. If you lived in the north half of Europe, odds were good you had never seen a scorpion in your life. But if you were literate or educated at all, or you knew they were a thing, because you'd almost certainly run across them being mentioned in texts from farther south. And those texts wouldn't bother to explain what a scorpion was, of course -- everyone knows scorpions, right? When was the last time you stopped to explain What Is Spiders?

So medieval writers and artists in northern Europe were kind of stuck. There was all this scorpion imagery and metaphor in the texts they liked to work from, but they didn't really know what a scorpion was. Writers could kind of work around it (there's a lot of "oh, it's a venomous creature, moving on"), but sometimes they felt the need to break it down better. For this, of course, they'd have to refer to a bestiary -- but due to Bestiary Telephone and the persistent need of bestiary authors to turn animals into allegories, one of the only visual details you got on scorpions was that they... had a beautiful face, which they used to distract people in order to sting them.

And look. I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum, but I would say that a scorpion's face has significant aesthetic appeal only for a fairly small segment of the population. I'm sure you could get an entomologist to rhapsodize about it a bit, but your average person on the street will not be entranced by the face of a scorpion. So this did not help the medieval Europeans in figuring out how to depict scorpions. There was also some semantic confusion -- see, in some languages (such as Old and Middle English), "worm" could be a general term for very small animals of any kind. But it also could mean "serpent".* So there were some, like our artist at the top of the post, who were pretty sure a scorpion was a snake. This was probably helped along by the fact that "venomous" was one of the only things everyone knew about them, and hey, snakes are venomous. Also, Pliny the Elder had floated the idea that there were scorpions in Africa that could fly, and at least one author (13th-century monk Bartholomaeus Anglicus) therefore suggested that they had feathers. I don't see that last one coming up much, I just share it because it's funny to me.

*English eventually resolved this by borrowing the Latin vermin for very small animals, using the specialized spelling wyrm for big impressive mythical-type serpents, and sticking with the more specific snake for normal serpents.

Some authors, like the anonymous author of the Ancrene Wisse, therefore suggested that a scorpion was a snake with a woman's face and a stinging tail. (Everyone seemed to be on the same page with regards to the fact that the sting was in the tail, which is in fact probably the most recognizable aspect of scorpions, so good job there.) However, while authors could avoid this problem, visual artists could not. And if you were illustrating a bestiary or a calendar, including a scorpion was not optional. So they had to take a shot at what this thing looked like.

And so, after this way-too-long explanation, the thing you're probably here for: inaccurate medieval drawings of scorpions. (There are of course accurate medieval drawings of scorpions, from artists who lived in the southern part of Europe and/or visited places where scorpions lived; I'm just not showing you those.) And if you find yourself wondering, "how sure are you that that's meant to be a scorpion?" -- all of these are either from bestiaries or from calendars that include zodiac illustrations.

11th-century England, MS Arundel 60. (Be honest, without the rest of this post, if I had asked you to guess what animal this was supposed to be, would you have ever guessed “scorpion”?)

12th-century Germany, "Psalter of Henry the Lion". (Looks a bit undercooked. Kind of fetal.)

12th-century France, Peter Lombard's Sententiae. (Very colorful, itsy bitsy claws, what is happening with that tail?)

12th-century England, "The Shaftesbury Psalter". (So a scorpion is some sort of wyvern with a face like a duck, correct?)

13th-century France, Thomas de Cantimpré's Liber de natura rerum. (I’d give them credit for the silhouette not being that far off, but there’s a certain bestiary style where all the animals kind of look like that. Also note how few of these have claws.)

13th-century England, "The Bodley Bestiary". (Mischievous flying squirrel impales local man’s hand, local man fails to notice.)

13th-century England, Harley MS 3244. (A scorpion is definitely either a mouse or a fish. Either way it has six legs.)

13th-century England, Harley MS 3244. (Wait, no, it’s a baby theropod, and it has two legs. (Yes, this is the same manuscript, that’s not an error, this artist did four scorpions and no two are the same.))

13th-century England, Harley MS 3244. (Actually it’s a lizard with tiny ears and it has four legs.)

13th-century England, Harley MS 3244. (Now that we’re at the big fancy illustration, I think I’ve got it — it’s like that last one, but two legs, longer ears, and a less goofy face. Also I’ve decided it’s not pink anymore, I think that was the main problem.)

13th-century England, MS Kk.4.25. (A scorpion is a flat crocodile with a bear’s head.)

13th-century England, "The Huth Psalter". (Wyvern but baby! Does not seem to be enjoying biting its own tail.)

13th-century England, MS Royal 1 D X. (This triangular-headed gentlecreature gets the award for “closest guess at correct limb configuration”. If two of those were claws, I might actually believe this artist had seen a scorpion before, or at least a picture of one.)

13th-century England, "The Westminster Psalter". (A scorpion is the offspring of a wyvern and a fawn.)

13th-century England, "The Rutland Psalter". (Too many legs! Pull back! Pull back!)

13th or 14th-century France, Bestiaire d'amour rimé. (This is very similar to the fawn-wyvern, but putting it in an actual Scene makes it even more obvious that you’re just guessing.)

14th-century Netherlands, Jacob van Maerlant's Der Naturen Bloeme. (More top-down six-legged guys that look too furry to be arthropods.)

14th-century Germany, MS Additional 22413. (That is clearly a turtle.)

14th-century France, Matfres Eymengau de Beziers's Breviari d'amor. (Who came up with that head shape and what was their deal?)

15th-century England, "Bestiary of Ann Walsh". (Screw it, a scorpion is a big lizard that glares at you for trying to make me draw things I don’t know about.)

I've spent way too much time on this now. End of post, thank you to anyone who got all the way down here.

[dropthedemiurge]

Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo: Things you didn't notice #1

Isn't this another K-BL where I'm internally squealing because of every single detail? You bet it is. You can read my other meta/cultural detail/Korean language posts for Love for Love's Sake, Time of Fever, Grey Shelter and Boys be Brave on my pinned post or hashtags^^ (I really need to organize it under one singly hashtag tho...)

I already talked about how impressed I am with the fact that this series has done their preparation job well, with props, settings, language, history etc.

It is about a countryside/small town in Southern province of Korea - because a lot of characters use satoori (southern dialect), almost all of them except for the main two guys. There is also a distinct contrast/conflict between 'fancy Seoul rich guys' looking down on 'Southern town'. Juyoung even was surprised Dohoi doesn't use satoori.

To which, he responded with 'You'll be uncomfortable if I use it". And Juyoung said there are plenty other uncomfortable things around here, beside understanding/listening to everyone using other accent xD Confusing Gaga translation errors, we meet again!

Actually, it's interesting because Dohoi's name is written 이도회 in Korean, which typically would be written as 'Dohoi' but pronounced as 'Dohwe' (think of surname Choi that is actually pronounced as Chwe), yet in the first episode I clearly heard them actually say 'Dohoi', letter by letter. Now I wonder if it's also related to satoori... I wish I could speak it, it sounds so cool tbh.

He actually said 'I'm not in a good condition', meaning his physical form. What do you mean, mood, when was that ever an excuse in sports..?xD

By the way, what is it with boys trying to get closer to other boys by buying them unusual ice cream?:') Okay, garlic sounds more weird than red bean one :D

Also, I tried to find the Hasong town they talked about but failed - maybe because of incorrect transcription or maybe they made up this town based on Uiseong - a small town close to Daegu which is famous for being the most famous garlic town, they produce a lot of it and garlic fame would be seen everywhere - so who knows, I bet they allude to this when Juyoung said 'why can't there be a vanilla garlic ice cream? It's like a collaboration!'

Another thing, I thought the time of this series was somewhere around 1990s-2000s (because I watched a movie in similar setting that was called 1997 year but they still used pagers, now that I think about it). It was also still the time where teachers could use physical punishment on their students, it's heavily highlighted but I don't actually know around what time they stopped... Probably in Seoul, they already were getting rid of it but in small towns it was old-school teaching, which is again why Dohoi tried to tell Joyoung out of it.

I'm not familiar when small laptops and phones appeared in Seoul but I think the series is actually somewhere around 2005-2010! Which would make sense, Juyoung got the 'cool' flip-phone and a laptop with Windows XP (released in 2001) but small town is still far from that, as they use landline house phones to make a call.

He also has mp3 player and as other tumblr folks figured out, he was listening and dancing to Jewelry song released in 2005 :)

And another thing that convinced me about the time era... the final scene!

Do you want to know why at the end of Ep 1 Dohoi smiled and laughed and ran to Juyoung even after so many exhausting days and neverending small miseries and a new loud housemate?

Because Juyoung not only came to pick him up with an umbrella in the acid rain, he also reenacted the famous umbrella scene from the classic romantic K-drama called "Temptation of Wolves" (늑대의 유혹) which was released in 2004! To make Dohoi laugh.

(Yes, when Juyoung intentionally put the umbrella down and the camera cut the shot to the framing when the umbrella slowly lifts up, showing smiling Juyoung, I was like 'you did nooooooot' xD)

(last screenshots taken from @heretherebedork post, I'm sorry I am very lazy and cannot take a good screenshot for life :'))

So that was already our very first romantic teasing-implication!

Another cute thing: optimistic Joyoung wrote a diary entry into the fake old Korean "Facebook" (they had Cyworld instead) to share his first selfie with Dohoi:

"[Excited Shin Jjuyoung]" (typing in a popular back then teenage style) "I miss you guys... But here it's nice too hehe ^___^ Come to play with me!! Together with my friend Dohoi too~~!"

Aren't they the cuteestttttt? I mean, this dynamic is not new but I love how unique the setting is. And I can't wait to watch the second episode, I'm waiting and savoring the first one for now but I'm going to make notes about other episodes as well so stay tuned! If you reply/comment in tags, I will put you in my tag list^^

Tag list: @benkaben @pickletrip @troubled-mind

[kozachenko]

Here, have a fairly light sketch dump with two relatively complete sketches and some of the process for the main Zanmu one. Also, Gensokyo's specalist girl makes an appearance here too

Artist's Notes;

Zanmu is such a fun character to draw, like, there's so many little aspects in her design that you can emphasize, and her colour palette is so satysfying too. The reason I ended up drawing this was because when I was scrolling on Pinterest I found a specific pose that just screamed Zanmu to me (it was the skull that did it for me) and I just had to draw her in that pose. I did end up taking my liberties with my reference though, and also I am not drawing feet, I just straight up don't like it, and this is mainly something more on the sketchy side so it didn't really matter lol. Also, IDK too much about the hands, I'm usually pretty good with them but I struggled with them a bit this time. Also Zanmu is sitting on nothing because I just didn't feel like drawing what she was sitting on (plus I already drew in the clothes and including what she was sitting on would mean having to change the sleeves and I just didn't wanna do that lol). Also realized that I should probably start trying to improve on drawing frills in clothing, and I tried a new technique for drawing them. I do like how they look, but at the same time it can still be better.

I do love how Zanmu's pose turned out the most in this batch of sketches. In my process, I put the reference image on the canvas and then roughly blocked in the silhouette. One change I knew I wanted to make since the beginning of the sketching process was opening up the space between the bent arm and body more, mainly to make the silhouette of the pose clearer (even though with the addition of the clothes it does get closed up a lot). I also wanted to turn the torso towards the viewer and change the position of the legs to something more cross legged/casual. In another sketching pass, I just kinda quicjly scribbled what I wanted the pose to look like just so I could get my idea out and I'm glad I did that because that helped me focus more on the pose itself rather than the small details. Afterward, I did a sketch of the body, clothes, and hair all together and then coloured it to get the coloured Zanmu sketch!

Again, I could've done a better job with the feet and the legs themselves for that matter, but the nice thing about sketches is that they don't need to be perfect, and I was more so focused on the gesture/feel of the pose rather than the minute details. With her facial expression, I knew that I wanted something very specific with her eyes, so I just simplified it into this "almost closed" eye and I do like how it turned out a lot. Also, a problem that I often have drawing Zanmu is that in the poses I put her in, I don't really know how best to draw in those triangle cut outs she has, so instead, I added these little triangle details onto her sleeves and pants to add some visual interest and allude to them instead, also because they can kinda allude to a crown and Zanmu is the king of Hell so it fits lol (also, love it when people add details like that onto sleeves sm lol). The hair and tassles did a lot of heavy lifting when it came to making the drawing have a nice flow to it, and I have the headcanon that Zanmu is just able to make those float on there own by.... honestly I don't know, I just like the idea of her tassles defying gravity and floating all the time. Also IDK if you can see them, but I did make sure to include her scars as I'm basically adding that as a part of my way of drawing Zanmu. It just adds a certain something, y'know? Also found a specific reference for the skull and made it the red that it is in Touhou 19, and also because drawing skeletons and skulls is just fun lol.

Now onto Reimu, so that face drawing was mainly there just so I could get a better idea of how I wanted to draw her face in the future. My main concern was trying to make it different to Keiki and Zanmu's faces, so as I was sketching hers I had the drawings of Keiki and Zanmu's faces turned on to make sure I wasn't drawing the same thing again. Down here I included this little test I did where I hyper simplified the eyes of the three faces and just traced over their face shapes, noses, eyebrows, and mouths. While the nose is the most consistent trait shared among the three of them (tbf that can just be chalked down to an aspect of my style), I feel like the three are different enough from each other to where they don't have same face syndrome, even if you simplify the eyes into dots and also didn't include the detail of Zanmu's scars on her face.

I'm obsessed with giving Reimu these tiny little eyebrows for some reason, IDK it just works for her. I also really like using a red as a highlight for whenever I draw her hair black, mainly because it helps to give the illusion that her hair is just a really dark brown and incorperates her main colour of red into another aspect of the design. I also wanted to try and draw Reimu's eyelids differently to try and imply monolids but tbh IDK how well that reads. I also like how her pupils turned out, as I'm experimenting with different characters in my style having different kinds of pupils. I didn't even bother properly rendering her clothes, so I just did them linelessly (I think I wanna try drawing in my lineless style again for a future piece sometime as I kinda miss the feel it had). I of course had to give Reimu her big bow, and also use that specific shade of red. IDK what it is about that shade of red specifically, but I just love it, it looks so nice to me you have no idea- Now that I think about, I kinda wanna draw Reimu more now, as I feel like I can still do some more experimenting with how I draw her eyes specifically. Also because I've got some ideas when it comes to how I wanna draw her body type.

[tassjis]

I want to talk about the Vault Gods and my design process

Each idol was drawn as though they were statues or altar peices, something of worship not necessarily what the gods look like but what the villagers would interpret their looks to be.

First I wanted to ensure that they looked like villagers, or have a villager template. The initial drafts has them with their arms together in a villager pose.

Each design had multiple aspects I gave them, a material, a gem, a minecraft mob, and an item

Idona The Malevolent, kill and sacrifice the marked to appease this god

The idol is designed after cinnabar a toxic red material with high levels of mercury.

Idonas item is the vault hunters altar with reference and designs inspired by Mayan and Aztec sacrificial alters.

They are designed to look like a bat and a Wolf with lots of sharp angles and shapes, with cultish and sacrifical undertones

The eyes are rubies, a gemstone that symbolises life force. They are cut with a 5 point star facet and bezel with means the eyes are also pentacles, there is also a hidden sacrificial knife in the eyes.

They say experience makes you wiser, but is it wise to give it up for treasure? Sacrifice your experience and knowledge to Tenos the Omniscient to be granted treasure beyond your wildest dreams.

Tenos is made of silver or iron, a pure metal that is reflective

Tenos has the enchanting table book, a potion of enchanting and xp balls

They are designed with a lot of softer rounder shapes compared to its counterparts and is based on a polar bear with angelic bird wings to give it a wise and pure vibe.

The eyes are sapphires, with a gemstone meaning of focus and inner vision. Tenos also is the one one to wear a gemstone accessory to give the allusion to a third eye.

Velara The Benevolent, sacrifice your health, sacrifice yourself to appease Velara, only then will you gain the riches

The idol is designed to look like oxidised copper. I wanted Valara to look like an old and ancient god from a forgotten religion, the kind where you find a forgotten statue in a forest overgrown with new life.

The like all the idols, it focuses on a theme relating to what you use to open the altars, so Valaras design is health or in this case life.

Velara has the fern and tall grass as its minecraft item.

Initially designed to be more rabbit like the design ended up becoming vague in animal and more bug like.

The eyes on Valara are emeralds that symbolise rebirth and growth.

Wendarr The Timekeeper, you only have limited time, will you sacrifice some of it to this god for riches?

Wendarr is a brass idol, a very common metal for clocks and timepieces to be made from.

Wendarr is designed to look the most like a villager with wings similar to that of DaVincis flying machine.

Unlike the other gods, Wendarr did not receive a minecraft item as I felt the minecraft clock did not fit the ancient and old aesthetic. Instead, they received an hourglass and an alluded clock face in the background, and some rococo inspired designs in the foreground.

The eyes are made of topaz, which apparently stands for manifesting clarity and astrology?

Anyway that's my thought process and some small details about each God and my designs.

[lewkwoodnco]

how did it end? - anthony lockwood x reader

Come one, come all.

She felt vilified, commodified into some grotesque circus show for the sadistic, satisfied smiles of everyone else. Just as much of a spectacle as she was all those years ago.

It's happening again.

Look at them. Safe, and assured, and happy. It was revolting. They didn't understand an ounce of what she went through, they never would. 

And all anyone wants to know is...

After today they would go home to their other friends and family and smugly recount the battered, fragile mess they ran into that afternoon, sick with glee as they described the aimless circles she wore into the floors, a pathetic husk of the agent she once was.

...how did it end?

a/n: will update this once i wake up!

warnings/tropes: tw death, canon divergent, tw death i MEAN it, the empty grave spoilers, hurt/comfort, lotta angst

word count: 4.6k!

MASTERLIST | TAGLIST

The beginning was etched into his ribs. He could never forget it. In the following weeks when everyone wanted to know all about it, they would give the same humorously vague answer, conveniently leaving out the smaller, more important details they held close to their chests. We met at a florist's, they would say, and decided to start an agency. And how they handled the string of hauntings along Mulberry Lane in a week when agencies far stronger than theirs had been at it for months? Well, that was simply the product of her experience and his keen eye.

What they chose to leave out was this: after multiple failed attempts at registering his agency with DEPRAC, Lockwood had reached his wit's end and had decided to give up on the venture. Turns out, DEPRAC wasn't quite tolerant of budding agencies with only one member. With little else to do, he decided to take a mid-morning trip to the all-too-familiar Kensel Green Cemetery. Perhaps something in him sought forgiveness from their hollow husks.

Once he had reached, it felt to be in poor taste to enter empty-handed. He had crossed the street to the florist on the other side and picked out a small bouquet of white chrysanthemums.

"Chrysanthemums?"

Lockwood flinched badly. He looked up to see a surprisingly familiar face critically eyeing the now-battered bouquet, its thin plastic slick in his clammy palms. He recognised her the way half of London did - from the papers. Bright enough to make a name for herself through especially complicated cases, her rise through the ranks from smaller agencies to the Fittes Agency had been sparsely documented through the local media. The last of the glowing commendations even alluded to the position of team supervisor being within her reach at the tender age of fifteen. In a world plagued with fear, she had one of the best lives any parent could wish for their child - that is, until tragedy struck.

Perhaps the most curious detail of it all was the proximity of the incidents. After her first harrowing escape from a badly botched case where she was the sole survivor of her team, the city's sympathies were stirred for the poor, unsuspecting agent who, even now, brimmed with promise. There was a short inquiry, it was an intriguing piece of news, but it all blew over within the week. No matter, thought most people. Perhaps she'd have to wait a year or two more to be team supervisor.

It was barely a month before the next incident, nearly identical to the last, except in the nature of the cases. This time, considerably more eyebrows were raised. It was one thing to explain one incident away, but two? This inquiry lasted a solid month, and in the end, she was declared innocent, but by then she had unfortunately been severed from Fittes. Still, Rotwell Agency had happily snapped her up, until the third incident two weeks later.

As expected, that was the final blow on her strained career, extinguishing any hope of her once again harnessing the renown she once held. As each inquiry progressed, everyone wanted to know: what happened? Why did it happen? How did it all come crashing down so spectacularly? She didn't come out unscathed physically either. A close brush with Ghost Touch in the last incident left the nerves in the outer corner of her right eye paralysed. It not only reduced her normal vision but also left her Sight permanently disfigured. 

In the papers, more than one outlet had the gall to suggest that perhaps it was deserved. Perhaps the incidents weren't as accidental as she would like everyone to believe. While the media spun nauseating defamatory narratives, each one more cruel than the last, the public image of Y/N L/N began to take a life of its own, twisting and warping into something horrid. At this point, Lockwood had not expected Rotwell's to go through the effort or disgrace of letting her go, and twelve days after the inquiry had finished, it was reported that she had resigned. It was almost impressive how long she had stuck it out. Lockwood had heard about these kinds of things through the grapevine - agents being forced into early retirement - but had never seen an example documented as liberally as this.

The saving grace of the events was that the whole ordeal was over in three months. All before her sixteenth birthday. And now here she was, standing feet away from him across a florist's shop, London's most wanted ex-agent. Two years on, she seemed just as lithe and alert as she did in the articles published years back, except for the hard edge of the newfound intensity in her rheumy eyes.

"Quite the hothouse flower, isn't it? Delicate. Fragile."

Lockwood smiled hesitantly. "It just needs a little extra care."

She smiled back, though she seemed unsure, and was quiet for a long time. Her gaze flickered to the chrysanthemums. 

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Lockwood thought back to the articles ripping her to shreds, the ones she never refuted, as if she had been paralysed by...something.

"I'm sorry for yours."

She stared at him blankly for a minute, as if she didn't understand, and then bowed her head. It felt miraculously easy to talk to each other as if they had stumbled through their grief towards this bittersweet meeting.

"You'd be better off with a hardier flower in this weather. Something strong...something tough." She adjusted the bouquet of yellow irises in her arms, bursting with joy against the grey backdrop of Lockwood's pale face, black suit, and white flowers. "Especially with Mulberry Lane being only a street over."

By then, the Mulberry Lane hauntings had picked up significant steam and media attention. Once assigned to only Fittes and Rotwell, it eventually attracted the attention of nearly every agency in the city. What started as a regular haunting in one house became a whole street of hauntings, stemming only once DEPRAC had cordoned the street off with iron barricades. Naturally, only agents were allowed on the premises, not that it stopped Lockwood from making an unofficial visit or two. The problem was, as self-assured as he was in his abilities, even he was forced to admit that this was no one-man job. But maybe, if he played his cards right...

"Yes, what a case that is..." Lockwood wandered down the aisle as she turned around to browse the other bouquets, deceptively nonchalant, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice. "...been at it for weeks now."

"You're an agent?"

"Yes. Have my own agency, in fact, as of this morning."

"...is that so?"

Eventually, he persuaded her to work with him on the Mulberry Lane case. At the start of their first meeting, she mentioned that there wasn't any agency registered as Lockwood & Co., and asked if he was planning to harvest her liver, which he vehemently denied before accusing her of trying to harvest his liver in his panic. He took it as an overwhelmingly positive sign that she hadn't walked out right there and then, and was good-humoured enough to laugh about it. But the fact remained that they still weren't registered as agents under DEPRAC, and so the next Saturday night, they snuck to the Mulberry Lane gate with a pair of bolt cutters.

She clearly found the whole thing highly amusing as she held the flashlight while Lockwood struggled with the cutters.

"So...why do you want to start your own agency? Fittes and Rotwell not good enough for you?"

He struggled to catch his breath before responding. "I...I always preferred doing things my way."

"You mean the illegal way?"

"The efficient way."

They snickered quietly in the dead of the night, and with one last heave, he snapped the iron chain clean apart. Lockwood slipped inside and, with a little difficulty, helped her through. She could still make out their surroundings well enough, but in a place as infested as Mulberry Lane, it was safer to err on the side of caution.

After a few weeks of researching by day and breaking into Mulberry Lane by night, they found the Source - a dandelion whose seeds had drifted into the gardens of the other houses. Of course, they weren't about to start looking for individual dandelion seeds, but with a little bit of acid, Mulberry Lane was soon Visitor-free. Lockwood revelled in the following explosion of media attention and, upon resubmitting the application with not one but two members listed, Lockwood & Co. was finally registered under DEPRAC as an official agency.

He remembered having some photographs taken for some publication during their fifteen minutes of fame. She was sitting on a stool with Lockwood standing behind her, and they kept nervously whispering to each other between the shots.

"This is it," he muttered out of the corner of his mouth.

"What?"

"The start of the rest of our lives."

"God, you're so dramatic."

"And you're not being dramatic enough. Wasn't all this...stolen from you?"

"I never asked for it in the first place."

"This is basically your birthright."

"Lockwood."

And then they got told off for chattering away again. They sobered up and fell silent, but not before Lockwood placed a hand on her shoulder. She briefly brushed against his knuckles with her fingertips, and that shot ended up being published as the cover of the publication's issue for the month.

The media frenzy had sent hordes of applicants their way, and to celebrate the successful launch of the agency Lockwood decided to throw a party at Portland Row. He was wandering around the house in his usual button-down folded at the elbow, weaving through the crowds as he peered into the rooms looking for Y/N while being stopped and congratulated by nearly every attendee. He finally found her in the study, at his desk, reading the case journal they had started for the Mulberry Lane hauntings.

With some effort, he slipped inside, a pair of champagne flutes in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. She looked up and pushed some papers aside as he set the glasses down and uncorked the bottle. They clinked their glasses together before taking a sip, silently toasting to one another, the muffled hubbub outside the door feeling miles away.

"So," she started after her first sip, "between the champagne and the party, do you have any money left from what DEPRAC gave you?"

Lockwood chose to respond by taking another, longer sip. Once he had finished, he conveniently changed the subject.

"Speaking of DEPRAC, I haven't finalised the agency name yet. I was thinking...Lockwood & L/N?"

A piece of her heart breaks as soon as he utters those words. Dread pools in her stomach like acid. She closes the journal and sets it aside.

"Lockwood...I only wanted to help you get your agency off the ground - which, by the way, congratulations. But you don't need me anymore. You have much more reliable agents lining up at your door."

"Do you possibly think I could trust any of them as much as you?"

"I-I'm only going to be a burden." She feels hot tears behind her eyes as the pressure in her chest builds. "You deserve agents who can at least See fine."

He puts his champagne down, frowning. "But there wouldn't be any agency without you. Really, Y/N, don't be daft - what's mine is yours."

She stares at him for a beat and, despite her better judgement, caves. She doesn't say how she doesn't want some diluted, only half-there version of herself lingering on like some stench of formaldehyde in her father's old taxidermy workshop.

"Fine. I'll stay, but only if you keep my name out - I've had enough attention for a lifetime."

Thus, Lockwood & Co. was born. Over time, they took on two new employees, George Karim and Lucy Carlyle. The media followed along on their larger cases: half malice, half morbid fascination. In their downtime, they worked together to fashion a pair of special goggles for Y/N to make her Sight more receptive to supernatural triggers. It was still nowhere as sharp as it once was, but it was enough for her to no longer be solely reliant on the others. Not only did it help Y/N, but it also gave Lockwood greater peace of mind on the cases he had to sit out when his migraines were unmanageable.

As Lucy and George had soon learnt, Lockwood suffered from chronic migraines, which raged on unaffected by the prescriptions Y/N had to practically shove down his throat. While he refused to go for regular tiresome check-ups, he would reluctantly have a lie-down on evenings when the pounding in his head grew too strong. 

He'd shuffle to the living room as the rest of them were heading out, carefully bundled up, and fall into a fitful, drowsy sleep until they returned. He'd listen to them quietly taking their equipment down into the basement, and Y/N would creep in to see how he was doing. He'd ask how the case went, she'd try to take his temperature, and if he was looking especially poorly, she'd press her icy cold hands onto his clammy forehead. In short, life wasn't perfect, but it wasn't terrible, and that was all they could have asked for.

If anyone were to have asked Lucy or George when it had all started to go downhill, they would have pointed to the bet with Kipps. She had been finalising some paperwork with Saunders while Lockwood had provoked Kipps into a bet, and no one had bothered to mention it until she forced it out of George the next day. If the muffled argument from the kitchen was any indication, the revelation hadn't gone over well, and they spent the rest of their day roaming around with faces like thunder. The squabble lasted a couple of days, during which she threatened and begged him to call off the bet, which he adamantly refused. She waited to broach the subject again until George and Lucy had gone to bed and it was just the two of them in the study, Lockwood sitting on the floor leaning against the armchair she had snuggled into.

"What if you lose? What if something goes wrong?"

"I won't lose because I'm the better agent."

"You realise this bet is in no way an indication of your actual skills, right? This is just some pissing contest to stroke both of your overinflated egos."

"Why? You know Kipps?"

"I was on his team for a while, yes. We've talked, but not much. My point is, you're acting like a child."

"I can't exactly back out now. Kipps would be a git about it...and people would talk."

"I thought you didn't care about what people thought."

"Of course I care. It'd be foolish not to."

She opened her mouth to retort but he cut her off, lightly resting his hand on her ghost-patterned sock.

"Just...trust me. Please?"

Again, against her better judgement, she relented and uncharacteristically dropped the topic, biting back her words as she watched Lockwood desperately scramble to make headway in the case over the next couple of days. Things finally came to a head one evening when he, dizzy with lack of sleep, slammed his head into a concrete arch, luckily escaping with only a gash through the eyebrow. 

She sat him down at one of the corners of the kitchen table, first aid kit to the side as she disinfected the wound. Now that his fall had sobered him up enough to dilute his manic adrenaline spree, he was starting to feel a little ashamed. He hissed in pain as his head jerked back with her insistently pressing the antiseptic into the wound, perhaps a little harsher than was entirely necessary. He blinked through his watery eyes as he tried to break the awkward silence with his raspy voice.

"Uh, do you think...stitches?" 

She manhandled his head into a few different angles before responding, her voice ominously clear of any emotion. "You'll survive."

The embarrassment was washing over him in waves now. He hadn't felt this vulnerable or stupid since Jessica's death.

"I'm sorry."

She sighed, discarded the cotton and started dressing the wound slowly, almost thoughtfully. "You don't need to apologise to me. If anything, you owe yourself an apology. That looked like it hurt."

He grimaced, then relaxed into the cold, soothing ointment she was delicately applying.

"I don't know what's gotten into you lately. Or maybe you've always been this competitive." She slipped her free hand into one of his as if holding on for support while her knees buckled underneath her. "But you're going to get yourself killed."

 He folded his fingers over hers reassuringly. Her hand twisted anxiously, clumsily clutching a few of his fingers. It reminded Lockwood of how she had fumbled for his hand on their first night together at Mulberry Lane, all those months back.

"I need you to understand that I can't have it all happen again." Lockwood stared at their entangled fingers in his lap, her fingertips raw and tinged with pink. She had never opened up about the tragedies, and as he sat there, listening to her ill-disguised shaky breaths, he finally understood why. "It was - there isn't a night I don't relive it. My family...they said I was so strong to go through all of that. But I don't think I'm strong enough to go through it one last time."

But it was too little too late. Whatever boulder Fate had rolled in their direction had started to pick up speed, and was dangerously close. Less than nineteen hours later, Y/N L/N walked out of Portland Row and out of Lockwood & Co., for good.

Kipps was nothing if not a strategist, and when news reached that Lockwood & Co. was now down one member, he sent the media hounds close behind them. The front porch of Portland Row became a breeding ground for oily reporters sticking their microphones out into their faces if any of them so much as went out to collect the mail. At her old apartment two streets down, Y/N dealt with a similar infestation the same way she did the first time - dressing inconspicuously, keeping her head down and praying it would all be over sooner rather than later.

She drifted through the days with a nauseating kind of hollowness. She couldn't remember what she had been living for before Lockwood, and all that consumed her were thoughts of how it ached to be missing some phantom limb. Her partner in crime. Her best friend.

Eventually, she pulled herself together enough to make a trip to the grocery store. As soon as she entered, she regretted not making some kind of list beforehand as she aimlessly wandered through the aisles, struggling to think of something as mundane as what to fuel her body with.

"Y/N?"

She flinched badly, before turning to see two old acquaintances from Fittes. They had a short lighthearted chat, all of them ignoring the elephant in the room as they made small talk, until one of them could no longer hold themselves back.

"You know," Isla began in her sharp, piercing voice of hers, "I read the darnedest thing in the papers the other day. Said you left this agency...Look-wood & Co.?"

She gave a pained smile. "You know, you shouldn't believe everything you read."

"Oh. So it's not true?"

"No, it's...yes. I've left."

"Why?"

Her friend not-so-subtly elbowed Isla in the side. Immediately, her face started feeling too hot, and she didn't know how to tear her eyes away from Isla's sinister smile of derision.

Come one, come all.

She felt vilified, commodified into some grotesque circus show for the sadistic, satisfied smiles of everyone else. Just as much of a spectacle as she was all those years ago.

It's happening again.

Look at them. Safe, and assured, and happy. It was revolting. They didn't understand an ounce of what she went through, they never would. 

And all anyone wants to know is...

After today they would go home to their other friends and family and smugly recount the battered, fragile mess they ran into that afternoon, sick with glee as they described the aimless circles she wore into the floors, a pathetic husk of the agent she once was.

...how did it end?

"What? It's one thing to leave one agency. But then two, and now three? It's enough to make people t-"

Her friend finally dragged Isla away, scolding under her breath. Isla rolled her eyes as she was taken away, calling out in a peeved voice. "Enjoy your orange juice!"

Y/N stared blankly after her, trying to put two and two together until she glanced down at the weathered carton of orange juice she was holding. Orange juice with pulp, the kind she had swiped up so many times before, half-distracted while trying to stop Lockwood from running them broke over the many little treats lining the aisles.

She stares at the carton and decides that she just might spend the rest of her life reeling from the loss of his undeniable warmth.

As luck would have it, they did meet again, though it was in less than favourable circumstances.

"You're still working on the case?"

She spun around from where she had been fiddling with the lock to Bickerstaff's mansion. She shielded her eyes from the flashlight aggressively assaulting her retinas, until a harsher version of the Lockwood she remembered came into view.

He held out his flashlight until she reluctantly accepted it, holding it in place while he pulled out that same pair of wire cutters. She sighed, deciding it would be impolite to give him the silent treatment when he was going through all this effort. 

"I freelance now."

"No, I mean, you're working on the case..." With a final loud crack, the chain slithered down the door, now useless. "...alone?"

He tentatively pushed the door open while she exaggeratedly strapped on her goggles with more than a little attitude, making a big show of avoiding his gaze. It was almost enough to make him crack a smile.

"Big talk from someone who nearly got himself killed by Winkman."

If he noticed the sour resentment hidden in his voice, he didn't let on.

"Oh. You heard."

"Of course I heard. Where the hell was Lucy? Or George? Did you even tell them where you were?"

"For the record, I never told you where I was all the time."

"Oh please, you'd just awkwardly stand around all guilty until I forced you to spit it out."

He groaned. "Can't we save this for later?"

"Later? In case it's slipped your mind, I'm not going home with you after tonight." She pulled out her small cloth bag of iron filings, shouldering past Lockwood. "I'm conducting my psychical investigation myself."

"You're being stubborn."

She ripped the goggles off her head painfully, hurling them straight at Lockwood. "So what if I am? I've been biding my time for the past month, closing one eye as I watched you make the worst choices possible. When is it going to be my turn to make bad decisions? I'm done making allowances for you, Lockwood. I'm...exhausted."

She turned away, walking straight into the mansion, blind as a bat. Too blind to see what was right in front of her.

"Wait. Y/N, please, don't - NO!"

His scream echoed like a warning through the rafters. Her dying wish was finally realised. Never again would she have to go through anything like that.

After a short call from Inspector Barnes, Lucy and George hurried down to the hospital with their hearts in their throats, terrified of what awaited them. They felt a rush of relief when they found him sitting outside one of the rooms, face blank and blanched, seemingly unharmed. But that same dread returned when they noticed the goggles he was weakly holding onto. Like he barely had the strength to hold on for much longer. No Source. No Y/N. 

Two weeks later at the funeral, he was standing at the podium, eyes glazed over while he read some media-friendly statement handed to him half a minute earlier. How it happened? Like walking through an icy waterfall. How was he alive? He didn't know. How it ended? The same way it began. He felt numb to the invasive camera flashes, save for an occasional stab of irritation. Even now, they salivated for any and every nugget of information. Would they never let her rest?

Come one, come all.

He was distantly aware that George and Lucy were somewhere in the front row, but at that moment he wished for nothing more than for her to be at his side, holding his hand and holding him up. It reminded him of the night before his parents' funeral when he stayed up all night wishing that Jessica would be there in the morning, ready with a hug to wash away this terrible dream. And yet, twelve years later, he stands there just as alone as he was the first time.

It's happening again.

Her last words echo hollowly inside her skull - not the ones at Bickerstaff's mansion, but from before she walked out of his life. They had got into some stupid fight about some stupid thing, and she had mentioned that all this was enough to make her want to leave, and he had seen red.

"Why? Because of Kipps? The bet?"

"Why don't you figure it out yourself since you're just so bloody brilliant, huh?"

And all anyone wants to know is...

It wasn't like her to be that angry. That was his doing. He had enraged her and pushed her to her very limits until she had finally snapped. Perhaps that was his punishment, a precursor to eternal damnation - living with this disfigured memory of his own doing.

...how did it end?

As he neared the end of his speech, he finally looked up from the script, and for a moment he thought his heart had stopped. There, at the very back of their hastily rearranged living room, was Y/N, or a translucent version of her, at least. It was nearly mid-morning, as was evident by her highly faded image, but he could still faintly make out what she was aggressively mouthing towards him. Tell them. Tell them the truth.

Too late; he's been frozen in fear long enough to imply he's finished his speech. After a light smattering of applause, foreign journalists and executives Y/N once worked with start coming up to him, shaking his hand, and giving him a reassuring pat on the back. All the while, Lockwood stares transfixed at the quickly disappearing shadow at the back of the room, ugly with rage. Coward, she yells with some invisible voice. Fucking coward.

He keeps her spirit in the walls of 35 Portland Row, perhaps because it's the only home either of them has ever known. Maybe one day he'll be strong enough to let her go, and maybe once he does, he'll hate himself for having even held on in the first place. But for now, he chooses to be selfish.

One last time.

TAGLIST: @neewtmas @midnight--raine @ahead-fullofdreams @mitskiswift99 @ell0ra-br3kk3r @houseoftwistedspirits @elenianag080 @mohinithoughts @avdiobliss @snoopyluver20 @mischivana @dangelnleif

[svnnyd4ys]

final part of SFTH plays as Siken quotes!!

plays 23-38~

BEETROOTS AND MURDER "Shame means you're guilty, like the rest of us, but you think you're better than us. Maybe you are." (self-portrait against red wallpaper - War of the Foxes)

SUSAN'S HOLIDAY "The yard is dark, the tomatoes are next to the whitewashed wall, the book on the table is about Spain, the windows are painted shut." (seaside improvisation - Crush)

THE EVIL MAKE-A-WISH KID "A man with a bandage is in the middle of something. Everyone understands this. Everyone wants a battlefield. Red. And a little more red. Accidents never happen when the room is empty." (detail of the fire - War of the Foxes)

PRISCILLA'S FINAL PETAL "Hold onto your voice. Hold onto your breath. Don't make a noise, don't leave this room until I come back from the dead for you. I will come back from the dead for you." (you are Jeff - Crush)

THE MYSTERY OF THE MIDNIGHT CIRCUS "This is not your problem. You have your own body to deal with. The lamp by the bed is broken. You are feeling things he is no longer in touch with." (a primer for the small weird loves - Crush)

CAESAR & JULIET "We were in the gold room, where everyone finally gets what they want, so I said 'What do you want, sweetheart?' and you said 'Kiss me.' Here I am leaving you clues. Here I am singing while Rome burns." (snow and dirty rain - Crush)

WINE UNDER THE BRIDGE "And everyone secretly wants to collaborate with the enemy, to construct a truer version of the self. How much can you change and get away with it, before you turn into someone else, before it's some kind of murder?" (portrait of Fryderyk in shifting light - war of the foxes)

THE UNRELENTING AUBERGINE "Names of spells and names of hexes, names cursed quietly under the breath, or called out loudly to fill the yard, calling you inside again, calling you home." (saying your names - Crush)

THE LIGHTHOUSE "The walls were strong, the nails: reliable. The room grew darker or lighter depending on the placement of the lamps; the hands of his hands alluding to a secret world beyond the frame he shouldn't have any knowledge of." (the field of rooms and halls - War of the Foxes)

MURDERS IN SPACE "History is a little man in a brown suit trying to define a room he is outside of. I know history. There are many names in history, but none of them are ours." (little beast - Crush)

MARIGOLDS, BLUEBELLS & HUGH "Crown yourself with leaves and stake your claim before something smears up the paint. I turned away from darkness to see daylight, to see what would happen. What happened? What does a man want? Power." (landscape with a blur of conquerors - War of the Foxes)

MOIST & MAGICAL "Anything past the horizon is invisible, it can only be imagined. You want to see the future, but you can only see the sky." (road music - Crush)

BURGLARY & BOBSLEDDING "We collide with place, which is another name for God, and limp away with a permanent injury. Ask for a blessing? You can try, but we will not remain unscathed." (landscape with fruit rot and millipede - War of the Foxes)

TOBY'S SECRET POCKET "They want to stop but they can't stop. They don't know what they're doing. This is not harmless, the how to touch it, we do not want the screen completely lifted from our eyes, just lifted long enough to see the holes." (the dislocated room - Crush)

BALLET ON THE BATTLEFIELD "The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time. Forget the dragon, leave the gun on the table, this has nothing to do with happiness." (litany in which certain things are crossed out - Crush)

THE PHANTOM OF HORNCHURCH "I'm not sure why I do it, but in this version you are not feeding yourself to a bad man against a black sky prickled with small lights. I take it back. These wooden halls with caskets. These terms from the lower depth. I take them back." (litany in which certain things are crossed out - Crush)

[kaurwreck]

okay, so, what if aya has been passively exercising an ability this entire time.

aya koda (author) wrote and reflected on the profundity of the past, observing even her most complicated relationships with immense and broadminded humanity. she was responsive and filial in her conservation of others through memory, even when communicating with herself through them. further, her writing is not cerebral or fanciful or nostalgic. it is contained within narrow, mundane realities like homemaking, bitterly aging parents, stifling expectations, physical illness, and the material world. but the wisdom, humor, and frankness of her sharp attention to detail lend an elegant and mature candor to her impressions of the past imbuing meaning into the commonplace, without romanticizing or deifying it. the distinctiveness of her internity radiates optimism and magnetic humility, rendering her world remarkable.

in other words, she's capable of sweeping ennui from even atrophy through sheer, clearminded ardence, refusing to cheapen her world despite its fickle propensity for change — and that is what bsd!aya brings to her every panel. she's so small and is only a civilian, but she is never swept beneath the gravity of the scenes unfolding around her. because even though she is little, she expands in others their immense capacity for change by enveloping them within the wideness of her own sincerity and perceptive verve. but I think it's more than just her energy that galvanizes others; I think that's her skill.

(analysis + skill explanation under the cut to spare everyone's dashes)

like, that's how she keeps collecting all of these older brother and father figures.

Kunikida becomes shaken when confronted by his helplessness and loss of life, he will waver and curl into himself until grounded again. In the Cannibalism arc, Ranpo brought him back to his feet, but he still sought to self flagellate after. In the Hunting Dogs arc, he threw himself from a helicopter and absorbed the impact of a grenade with his own hands to mitigate the potential for lost life, but not before visibly panicking. But, in the Walking Alone OVA, he is tied to a pillar and confronted by his past failure in the form of his former student, who he not only didn't reach, but seemingly instigated into an act of domestic terrorism. A young man, like Rokuzo, an explosion, like the Azure Messengers'—this time staking hundreds of civilians lives and that of a ten year old child who has a bomb strapped to her chest while he is being physically beaten with Ideals and enduring PTSD flashbacks of Sasaki's death (who he also envisioned while under Q's curse). But he's scarcely lowered his head when Aya calls out, "Kunikida!" — to which he replies, "That's Kunikida-san," which he previously told her to use for him because when he cares to mentor others, he tends to lecture them and demand proper behavior from them. From that moment forward, he is in his best form, stalwart and brave and resourceful and utterly serene against that which he cannot change or control— even relying on Yosano's schedule for the critical moment.

It's easy to miss that this scene contrasts with the other, similar instances where he's frozen or faltered, because he does find himself again each time. That's because the capacity is always within him, and he's far more balanced than anyone gives him credit (especially when set against his irl...). But, he isn't serene, his fear of loss and lack of control are things he still grapples with, and they usually spill from him in these moments and their aftermath. He hasn't fully self actualized, and although he pulls through each time, ideals intact, he has to wrestle that from himself (which he alludes to quite literally in Dead Apple). Yet, even as he was thrust into a full-blown panic attack, he caught that Aya called him by his name without a suffix and was rendered self-possessed enough to correct her, and then seamlessly move into what needed to be done without a moment of doubt. Then, even after that, he is thrown into a literal trolley problem. But, again, he doesn't waver. He remembers Sasaki and Rozuko, but not involuntarily; he invokes them with aplomb and acceptance, holding them and what they meant to him as strengthening, rather than destabilizing, his commitment to his ideals. Despite his habit of approaching those he cares about rigidly and patronizingly, he fluidly sinks to his knees and embraces Aya (and thus his own humanity and limitations) sincerely and warmly, promising her that he will hold her through it and cradling her without any awkwardness or reticence.

The name of the OVA comes from the literal translation of "Doppo," which means lone wanderer and invokes the image of a solitary wanderer— but "lone" isn't a character invoking loneliness; it implies that he's peerless, unparalleled, matchless. His name is a double entendre speaking to his individualism and invoking the image of an iconoclast heroic figure standing above the fray of mediocrity— which is the impression that made his former student feel taunted and spat upon. But, he sheds his lofty veneer in this OVA and expresses the height of who he's capable of becoming when grounded in reality but unhibited by fear and self-doubt: the Confucian virtue of ren, meaning humaness or benevolence. For Confucius, it was illustrated by love for others, including within relationships between people. But it further encompasses an inner drive for altruism that's cognizant that one is never alone in the home, the state, the world, and, ultimately, the cosmology of the universe.

If it were only Kunikida, I would think it an illustration of what he'll be as a leader or a moment of clarity. But Aya manages to reach Bram past centuries of ennui and morbid depression and learned helplessness. Not immediately, but by satisfying his seemingly silly and, to him, unattainable want for something as mundane as a radio. She does him one better and introduces him to streaming & earbuds, and quite literally expands his whole world so that he's, however briefly, no longer immobilized within the claustrophobic confines of his coffin, but floating untethered in the ever expanding vacuum of space. He wanted a radio, but, really, he wanted music that would take him outside of himself and the limitations of his reality, which he could consistently have with him in lieu of company to transcend the constraints of his purgatory. Shortly thereafter, despite Fukuchi having command over his kin through the sword and seal, Bram regains his air of nobility to snap, "Impudent!" at a vampire such that the vampire recoiled and even l looked askance. Further, like Kunikida, Bram is swept into his memories when he looks at Aya— but not wistfully or bitterly. They're light and beautiful and remind him of who he is and what is precious to him— his family and his vassals, his duty to whom had given him purpose and meaning. I'd relate his oath to Aya and his renewed observance of his role before his kin to the Confucian virtue li, meaning propriety, or observance of the formal rules of proper conduct conducive to social harmony.

She does it to Fyodor, too, whose triggering detail is her dirty hair. He attributes his compulsion to spare her as Bram's lingering oath, but I think it's a reflection of Fyodor's own inclination towards children. (I know he kills children in canon, but his perceptions of suffering and salvation are violently skewed, and so his expressions of righteousness (as in the Confucian virtue yi) look to us like sadistic violence.)

Which is to say, I think Aya brings out the highest capacity in others, triggered when they latch onto a detail she offers them that may appear mundane, but which touches on some core aspect of who they are or their memories.

I think she'll do the same for Akutagawa, which will be part of the transformation he undergoes from the version of him clinging to the spider's thread from irl!Akutagawa's short story of the same name (the headspace that causes Rashomon to resemble spider legs) to becoming the dragon complement to Atsushi's tiger (the imagery invoked by his armor from the teaser at the end of S5). The Confucian virtue I'd assign him would be xin, aligning ones actions with one's word/ honesty, sincerity, and faithfulness. Akutagawa keeps his promises.

(I specifically think Aya is elevating the Confucian virtue each character most embodies, which aligns with irl!Aya Koda's education in Confucian ethics as taught by her father; if that isn't apparent yet.)

This ability is more conceptual than many of the others, but the precedent for an ability like this is there in Fukuzawa's All Men Are Created Equal and Lippmann's unnamed ability, which reacted to and countered others' murderous intent.

Anyway, so yeah. I think Aya's ability is a mirror into the best, most focused versions of those who see in her some detail revealing themselves.

[aotopmha]

One thing that really hasn't changed about the Sonic fandom in the years I've been away from it is the very specific obsession with the most miniscule details.

It used to be the green eyes, now it's Amy being slightly less of a token obsessive love interest or there being a sniff of a continuity/references to previous games in the story.

(I mean, it also used to be voice acting and model wars, and those are actually still alive, so the more things change, the more things also stay the same.)

But that's literally all Amy was by Sonic 06, down to one of her abilities being able to turn invisible to stalk Sonic better and it's so crazy to me how people actually defend that as "having more personality" these days when all Frontiers and Generations did was tone it down just a little bit (which is actually in line with her arc in the original Sonic Adventure).

I think Heroes might've actually been the worst of it, but I think Amy definitely deserves to have more to her character than just her crush on Sonic.

The only bit of that criticism I think is understandable here is her "losing her spunky attitude", but I don't see it with the minor changes with her in Generations in particular. And Frontiers is kind of a more somber story to begin with.

These small changes are always framed as this egregious misstep when it's really something like the character having a mildly less extreme reaction or a reference to a different relevant element to what people want.

The Time Stones are pretty relevent to bring up in a game about time travel considering getting all of them was what lead to the bad/good future at the end of CD, for example.

And Sonic and Tails vaguely alluding instead of referencing locations really doesn't make a difference to me. This is just basic continuity stuff every story does to me.

I think a few ended up strange, like the silly implications of how dialog worked out in that scene with Sonic and Knuckles, but it's just strange instead of deeply offensive to me.

And the outrage I've seen about these details is just so funny to me.

Especially since Generations itself is a nostalgia game to begin with and is the time to make references.

(All of this said, apparently the jp version is pretty much the same outside of some of the added Modern Sonic dialog, so ultimately it's inconsequential as far as true substance goes?

Generations has a really simple story to begin with, so these don't do much to ruin anything, either.

I do understand the game preservation aspect of these changes, though. They definitely should've kept the old cutscenes as a toggle or option to still look at; remasters should include the game in its original form for the sake of preservation.)

As far as criticism of that aspect goes, to bring a different example, I think I really liked the cutscene with Sonic in the Shadow portion of Generations because it clearly was in good fun with the characters taking a jab at each other about those events that happened, in other words, true continuity.

A bunch of moments in Frontiers really felt like stilted "remember this" moments, rather than just a story with these characters and I think this is what some truly take issue with, rather than "the references" themselves.

People just want a fully new story with these characters.

I think this is also why Shadow's portion has a more positive response. It's just continuing his story.

And in my case, actually retroactively somehow making me care about his character after Sonic Adventure 2.

I think the main thing is that I just did not buy any of the turns his story took after Adventure 2.

The clone stuff in Heroes was alright enough, but not enough for me to think he was fine to be brought back.

And Shadow (05) was just a mess with a character conclusion I found zero satisfaction in because just "forgetting" everything you clearly cared for is just as bad as obsessing over it.

Looking into the Shadow The Hedgehog game just to refresh my memory has been a wild journey because while the forced, immature elements are mostly the localisation as I've always known, the story still is the same mess otherwise.

And Shadow Generations somehow, miraculously put all of that insanity together into a simple, but heartfelt package that somehow didn't end up too tryhard and made sense emotionally.

You have to work through trauma to truly move on from it. You can't just say you move on and have it be the end of it, just not how it works in my eyes, unless you want the characters to feel completely alien, which I think Shadow is intended to be the complete opposite of.

I think the fact that Maria remembered stuff from her time on Earth is an issue for some people (and an apparent inconsistency with the animation), but I think there are advantages to both: if she doesn't remember/know anything about Earth, it's a big additional tragedy added to her character of never being able to see a world she grew to love through all she learned about it.

If she does remember good times on Earth, it, in turn, makes more sense why she would love it so much and want everyone on it to be happy. If she has seen the beauty of it and wishes to go back and never can, it is a tragedy all the same.

In my eyes, neither of these really take away or add to her character nor Shadow's because their bond exists regardless of whether she knew what Earth was like for herself or not.

This game actually also made me care about Maria as a character, in fact, I'd posit she became a character because even Shadow's own game didn't really go into what her illness felt like or what her general life was like on the ARK or how she felt about everyone around her.

But to loop back to my point of people liking it, it's just really nice to have a complete, substantial story again.

I don't need it, and I especially like my Sonic stories more cheesy and silly, but if you're going to do a serious story, do it this way.

Be straight to the point and sincere and add some silly elements to not go too far in the indulgently tedious hyper-drama direction.

Revisiting this crazy and wierd, but fun series has been a lot more fun than I ever thought it would be, even if I think this fandom is one I'll probably mostly keep my distance from.

All bigger ones have their issues, but the bad parts of the Sonic fandom are just not anything I even want remotely anything to do with or tolerate.

I'll watch some more of those massive video essays, though.

[a-d-nox]

Hi :) I love your web of wyrd posts. I'd love to learn more about it 🥰🩷

web of wyrd: the right-most number, who we are destined to be / what you must accomplish in this life

the number we are focusing on today is based on the YEAR you were born - ex: i was born in 2000, as you see above, my rightmost number is 2 (2 + 0 + 0 + 0 -> 2).

but what does this number mean?

this number represents who we are destined to be. sort of like self fulfilling prophecy - everyone from a distinct year had many years where the expectation of their behavior was press into who they would become and how they would act (via schooling, world affairs, etc). that's what is occurring here in some regards. this the general assumption of what we, and the people born in the same year as us, will become. and thus what we are tasked with accomplishing in this lifetime to become this person.

so let's talk about some examples:

2 - the high priestess

rider-waite's high priestess is depicted as woman dressed in blue seated on the beach. she stares at the viewer blocking their view of the ocean behind her. in fact, her set up on the beach blocks the view as well. seated between one dark and one light column, she presents the viewers with the idea of balance - as the B stands for "boaz" and the J stands for "jachin" which are "strengths establishes" is hebrew they often indicate extremely like dark and light, day and night, etc. while blocking the ocean, she showcases it's ruler - the moon (which she represents). her headdress is that of the phases of the moon showing the shifts in feminine life - maiden, mother, and crone. she wears a cross and holds the Torah showing her devotion toward higher beliefs. behind her is a tapestry covered with pomegranates (fertility symbol).

2s are destined to be connected to the divine. they will be intuitive - they will see through the shadows and all that is hidden from the naked eye (no matter how much blocks the view). they will not fear looking within. they will be comfortable with the cycles of life and their femininity. they are destined to guide others as well as themselves through life.

2s need to accomplish the ability to look within and trust themselves over others. they need to learn to look past logic and small details and trust the universe to take them where they belong most in life. they must also learn that they are more than just their body/vessel.

4 - the emperor

rider-waite's emperor is an older man who sits on a stone throne - ram heads (he represents aries) perch on the corners of the throne. he wears armor beneath his red (desire/passion) robes. the emperor is the divine masculine of the deck; he is a strong leader (we see this in all the stone elements of the card - the throne and mountain range (alludes to the hermit and the fool) behind him - and the golden crown, rod, and orb he has with him). the landscape behind him is barren except for a stream (emotions and intuition) - he can see anything coming. the warm tones in the card serve to emphasized power, authority, and materialism.

4s are destined to lead. they will be strong and powerful individuals. they will take action on the things that matter most to them and those around them. they will believe in and acknowledge their authority, ambitions, and power. they will serve the greater good, not just themselves. they will have big personalities and won't be afraid to take up space.

4s must accomplish self-confident and leadership in this life. it's easy to lead others - but it's difficult to be someone worth following. being a good leader is hard. these individuals must find what inspires them and campaign for that inspiration and action to take place.

7 - the chariot

two sphinxes pull rider-waite's chariot and the man on it. one white and one black (goes back to the high priestess's columns) sphinx lie motionless on the ground - the white looks to the right (the future - the positives) and the black looks to the left (the past - the negatives). despite being armored (he represents cancer) and thus looking ready for battle, the charioteer holds no reins. with the warships and river at his back and the stars (alludes to the star card) over his head, the card depicts the importance of not acting on impulse but rather acting intuitively.

7s are destined to ascend from one reality and into another - they will break generational curses/patterns. they will meet the goals they set in life. these people will be determined, intuitive, and methodical.

7s must accomplish the ability to plan. they need to think clearly and intentionally when making moves in this life time. solid foundations and certainty of the next move is necessary to this person's success. they must face patterns in their life and break them. not all violence/confrontation is necessary, so they must decide throughout life what is worth the fight and what is not.

that's all for today. the next number we will be looking at number between this number and the crown number.

like what you read? leave a tip and state what post it is for! please use my "suggest a post topic." button if you want to see a specific pac/pile next! if you'd like my input on how i read a specific card or what i like to ask my deck, feel free to use the ask button for that as well.

click here for the masterlist

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© a-d-nox 2023 all rights reserved

[pinkeoni]

Peter Pan Parallels: Is The Upside Down Neverland?

Lately I've been thinking about Petergate and I came up with what possibly could be another angle to the already complicated Peter situation— what if the name Peter is a reference to Peter Pan?

I don't think this is the only reason that the name Peter becomes prominent, although the show itself does seem to contain other references to Peter Pan, and even creates a correlation between the Upside Down and Neverland.

Peter Pan as a character has origins in early works from author J.M. Barrie, and the Peter Pan story as known today originated in a play written by Barrie before being adapted into a book and subsequently several film adaptations. The story of course being about a young boy named Peter who brings some kids to a magical land where they can never grow old.

It's written very small, but Peter Pan is on the season 4 DNA board!

There are a few instances about never growing old in the show, and they usually come from Will or involve Will.

The first instance is from season 3 during the rain fight, where Mike exclaims that they "aren't kids anymore" and they can't "play games for the rest of their lives." This is then brought up again by Will in season 4, but in a much more hopeful lens.

And then we have the Upside Down, a magical land that appears to be somewhat stuck in time.

I say "somewhat" because I'm honestly unsure if the UD actually frozen in time, or if there is just an impression of Hawkins the night that Will was taken. However, the emphasis this season on clocks as well as Nancy's mention of being in the past does at least allude to the idea of being frozen in time.

Does the UD actually function like Neverland and keep someone from aging? Will was only trapped in there for a week, not enough time to see if there was any anti-aging going on. Henry was in there for a few years, however since he changed so much physically it's hard to tell if he aged at all (and given that he was in his 30s, any aging wouldn't have been very apparent)

ALTHOUGH there could be a point to be made about the fact that Will and Henry were both able to survive in the Upside Down for as long as they did in the first place, maybe it has to do with both of their powers, but perhaps the UD was preventing them from dying?

Starting with Will, we know that he was in the UD for a week without any food or water. The body can survive that long without food, but water is another thing. The show makes a point to have Erica say this in season 3:

—which leads me to believe that they want to draw attention to the fact that Will was miraculously able to survive for so long in a place without any water. Perhaps the UD was able to keep him alive?

Something similar happens with Henry, too. It seems like his body was adapting to the new environment overtime, but still the details of his survival are vague and his ability to stay alive after all that time is still rather anomalous to say the least.

There's an indirect reference to the UD as Neverland in season one, when Troy states that "Will is in fairyland now with all the other little fairies." and while YES he means this in a derogatory way, the dialogue is still a way to point at the fact that Will really is in a magical land, and possibly even a hint at his powers.

Notice as well how Will's light magic bares a resemblance to pixie dust from the Disney movie.

Between Henry and Will, we can see both of them as being Peter Pan-like. Henry as Peter as in the one who lures children into his magical fantasy land, or Will as Peter the boy who doesn't want to/has trouble growing up.

Another aspect of Peter Pan is his shadow, which is detachable and seems to have a mind of its own. Which reminds me a lot of this:

Barrie's intentions behind what the shadow represents is pretty vague, although it has been tied to the idea of wholeness, Peter's attachment to the human world as well as duality, wholeness, and lightness within dark and darkness within light. (more to come later)

[apollodarling-writes]

That one fic about Levi talking about how small Levi’s dick probably is. Us teasing him about it. We know he’s obsessed. Our own personal devotee. Our little worshipper. So we decide to see what we would be getting into. Coming into his office and pulling him out from his desk and taking him over to a couch or something. He is baffled because wtf is happening? We go from not talking to him or threatening him to pulling his cock out? Anyway. We just want to peek. We unbuckle his pants and tell him to take it out. He does of course- he’s sweating at this point mumbling. We see that he is shaking and twitching. Much to our dismay even though it was expected. He is small. So we just touch around his legs and pelvis. Rubbing his cheek and telling him that his cock is so tiny he really thought we would give our first time to him. So we kiss his cheek and walk away leaving him to sob. “Come back to me when you grow a cock then we can talk about a relationship.” *wink*

I know that was pretty descriptive but I really REALLY wanted an in detail played out story of that…. Thank you 🙏🏻

reader making fun of levi's size

cws : degradation, virgin reader mentions, blue-balling,

there were plenty of thoughts swirling through your head these days-- one in particular being how small levi really is. you'd discussed the subjects with a few willing friends, the lot of you coming up with different answers. thus, you'd taken it upon yourself to figure it out. it wasn't a secret that the runt had a small cock. hell, even the man himself had alluded to it.

even if you were mean to him about it, you knew he'd still pine after you like a bitch in heat, so you knew there was no real risk with it. maybe if he liked being degraded, he'd get a hard-on, but that would at the very least allow you to see him at full size. the harder the better.

you think hard about how you should go about this, various plotlines going through your head, but in the end, you decide to free-ball it. you stalk over to levi's office in the dead of night, creaking open the door and announcing your arrival.

"hey, captain." you purr, tugging your lips into a pout. you swing your hips a bit more than usual as you stride over to his desk, feeling his curious, yet hopeful eyes roam your form. you push his chair back, sinking to your knees in front of him and placing your head on his thigh, looking up at him through your lashes. "can i?"

your tongue darts out to wet your lips as you trail a finger over his growing bulge, pressing open-mouthed kisses to the area. he shakily breathes his consent, a smirk tugging at your lips as you lean up just enough to ghost your lips over his, palming his clothed cock. "you'll be a good boy f'me, won't you?'

levi eagerly nods his head, rutting his erection against your palm as he whimpers and begs for you to do something. "you poor thing." you mockingly pout.

you slowly unbuckle his jeans, tugging it down just enough for his undergarments to peek through. you lick a long stripe up the disappointing bulge, trying to appear interested. "be a good boy 'n show me."

he reaches down with shaking fingers avoiding your gaze as he mumbles something about being smaller than what you'd like. he fumbles with the waistband of his undergarments, pulling them down so that his cock springs out. you pout, trailing a finger down his thigh and around his pelvis-- everywhere but where he ached for you most. he whimpers out a plea and you promptly ignore it.

you lean forward, your chest brushing against his mushroom-tip as the pads of your fingers brush against his cheek. "you poor thing." you coo.

"did you really think i would give you my first time when you're so small?" your lips curl into a smirk as your lashes flutter, glancing down at the beads of precum leaking from his tip. "bet you get off on this, hm?"

levi's eyes well up with tears, his cock twitching at your words. "talk to me when you grow a cock, pretty boy. then we can talk about a relationship."

you stand up, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek, winking back at him as you stride out of his office.

[cryptids-and-muses]

I watched return of the jedi for the first time in 4 years and here are my thoughts:

I know the line between sci-fi and fantasy is already super blurry but Star Wars truly feels like a fantasy movie. It’s in the costumes, the worldbuilding, the vibe, the odd encounters, palpatine’s entire character. And while there is futuristic tech the world of Star Wars doesn’t feel particularly Futuristic™️, if that makes sense.

There’s this one imperial officer Bacar interacts with at the start of the movie who acts his ASS off. Seriously give this man an Oscar. The fear!! The subtly!! The little gulp he does before facing Vadar!!! The palpable terror at the idea of the emperor coming there!!! This dude single handedly sets up palpatine as a threat

PRACTICAL SETS!!! All the practical sets!!! There’s so many sequences, especially in jabba’s palace but they’re throughout, where the characters casually interact with the world around them, and it’s such a small detail but it means so much to me. They really feel like they’re part of the world. My favorites were the Hall of Horrors C-3PO walks through in Jabba’s palace and Luke interacting with his x-wing on dagoba

It’s not all this great though, the green screen to the sarlack pit was awful. I found it endearing.

Also I love how there’s so much this movie doesn’t explain to you. There’s this weird robot spider thing in Jabba’s palace that we see when R2 and C-3PO walk in!!! What does it do!!! There’s a guy who’s super upset when Luke kills that monster!!! Who is he!!! And a bunch of other weird little things that just aren’t elaborated on. On top of that there’s just all these strange aliens just chilling, living their lives, some of which I don’t think we see again. It all comes together to make the world feel so much bigger than what we see.

I’d heard the analysis that Luke wears black in return of the Jedi to allude to a possible fall to the dark side, but that analysis hadn’t really clicked for me until this watch through. Like dude’s introduction was him force choking someone

Honestly like has this kind of subdued confidence this whole movie and I love it. He knows he’s good but doesn’t need to flaunt it.

Like his grin when he says “you should have bargained jabba. It’s the last mistake you’ll ever make” I love it

Luke is actually really subdued this entire movie, which tracks with all the internal conflict he’s dealing with. The biggest displays of emotion we see from him are when he’s reuniting with friends or when he goes OFF on Vadar at the end for threatening leia

Chewbacca and Han’s reunion 😭, they care so much about each other, chewy pets his head

In general everyone is so happy to see each other in this movie, every time someone shows up after being separated everyone is so excited to see them. There’s so many hugs. You can really tell they care about each other.

Due to some of the framing, I don’t think leia slaughtering Jabba was part of the plan. I think she just saw an opportunity and took it. Girlboss.

I noticed Luke’s fighting style with his lightsaber is much tougher around the edges, it’s less elegant, which tracks with him having much less official training with it. I like it

Yoda trying to use dying as a way to avoid Luke’s questions. Iconic.

Yoda’s choked out dying words of “there is another skywalker” become so much funnier when you remember he becomes a force ghost. The man could just peacefully pass then come back 10 minutes later and continue the conversation, he doesn’t need to try this hard to get the words out. Then again that would take some of the drama out of it.

Han is just so great in this movie, he’s got a reputation for being this suave sarcastic outlaw, which to be fair he kind of was in new hope, but here he’s just so sweet. He’s the one telling Luke to be more optimistic! When lando gets his promotion to general he doesn’t tell him about his own, and looks genuinely bashful when it’s brought up in front of the group! He goes to check on leia after she talks with Luke! He gives lando the falcon because he knows it’ll help him even though the ship means so much to him and is scared of it getting destroyed! When he thinks leia has feelings for Luke he offers to step aside and not get in the way! This man cares about his friends!

Speaking of that moment with leia after Luke leaves, that’s the one moment we see him being a dick, he lashes out with “but you could tell Luke? Is that who you could tell?!” But then immediately apologizes and comforts her when she asks for it. He loves leia so much and it’s so obvious the entire time

My man thought he was in this love triangle and was doing his best, and was fully prepared to step aside and let leia be happy with Luke. And the face journey he goes on when leia tells him luke is her brother. It’s gold. It’s that math meme but even better.

For the mission to endor, Luke and leia are both in these camo space ponchos and helmets but apparently Han’s outfit was to iconic to change because he just puts on a camo trench coat over his usual outfit

The first speeder chase through the woods of endor struck me as much more low key then it would have been if it was made today. This isn’t a bad thing, but I know if it was made today it would have been much more dramatic, a set piece

When leia goes missing Han, Luke, and chewy immediately peel off from the group to go find her. Good friends but you are LEADING THE MISSION

Leia meeting the ewok is a fun sequence and it’s funny how she just rolls with it. She does not question it, just accepts this little guy is here now and starts following him. It’s funny to contrast this with when Luke, Han, and chewy rescued her in a new hope and she fought every step of the way

In general the Ewoks are such a strange and whimsical inclusion. Like this is part 3 in a space opera and a huge chunk of it has these little furry dudes who live and fight like the lost boys from Peter Pan that we’ve literally never seen before. It’s weird

Luke is so delighted by the Ewoks, from his little smile when the first surround them to trying to hide his laughter at them thinking C-3PO is a god

Also we should not ignore how hilarious his idea to scare the Ewoks into listening was. And the man knew it too, you could tell from his smile. The little shit.

The storytelling sequence!!! I love it!! I love how C-3PO uses the sound effects! I love how everyone is huddled together! I love how we the audience can tell what’s being said from context clues even if we don’t understand all the words!!

Luke peacing out like “it’s time to angst😔”

I do think the bridge scene between luke and leia could have been done a bit better but it wasn’t bad, just a bit flat for the gravity of what was being revealed. Leia and Han are great though

I love luke and vadar’s back and forths even if they can get repetitive

The writers really used “search your feelings” or “your feelings betray you” as shortcuts to avoid hard writing huh

The emperor was such a little gremlin, he did nothing but talk about how luke was going to fall to him, how he knew everything was gonna happen and it’s all according to his plan, he really didn’t do anything but talk shit until the very end with the force lightning

To be fair, Vadar didn’t do anything until the force lightning either

Neither of these points are complaints, palpatine is supposed to be a shadowy scheming villain that others do the dirty work for and the really pull it off. And vadar’s passivity in this movie I think demonstrates the conflict he’s feeling. Despite his words about how he must do his emperor’s will, he’s not really doing that right now, is he? He’s not really defying orders either but something is different

Something I noticed!!! When Han’s team first make it in to the back door, off in the corner as they go inside we see a storm trooper adjusting his armor and taking his position again. One of the rebels stole the storm troopers armor and took their place. This doesn’t lead up to anything but it’s SUCH a cool detail

The true hero’s of this movie are the Ewoks, palpatine had Han’s team captured and the air fleet on the ropes before the Ewoks stepped in and saved Han and co. Palpatine would probably have won if it weren’t for them. It’s great.

I really love luke so much, he’s just so compassionate. For his friends, for his father, for everyone. This is the trait that makes him a hero. It’s literally what palpatine tried to use to turn him, the anger he’d feel at watching his friends die because he loves them so much

“No, you’re wrong. I am a Jedi, like my father before me” not gonna lie, this was kinda hot. It’s that quiet confidence I was talking about earlier. Also the way he nods towards vadar when he mentions his father

“….so be it, Jedi” THIS!!!! THIS!!!! I love this so much!! Because the entire movie palpatine has been talking about how Luke is going to fall to him, how it’s inevitable, how Luke is foolish to think otherwise. But this moment right here, is him acknowledging he’s wrong. He won’t be able to turn Luke, he failed. Luke truly is a Jedi and even palpatine cannot away him. It’s so fucking good

When vadar lifts up palpatine to stop him, we get a reaction shot for Luke who just looks so confused. Appropriate reaction.

As luke is dragging vadar to his ship we see imperial officers and storm troopers running around to try and escape and I just want to know what the fuck was going through their heads when they saw Luke and vadar

I know the falcon surviving doesn’t make sense but it makes me happy

Something important I realized towards the end: AT NO POINT IN THIS MOVIE DID ANYONE TELL HAN VADAR WAS LUKE’S DAD

CHEWY AND LANDO WEREN’T TOLD EITHER FOR THAT MATTER

THEY DON’T KNOW

Presumably they were told later but holy fuck why is no one talking about this.

Again….those reunions, hugs all around, everyone is so happy and relieved and I love it

I know it doesn’t end here, which makes be kinda sad, because this is such a beautiful and hopeful ending

All in all, with all the Star Wars fatigue and what Disney has been doing, this really reminded me what I love about Star Wars. I felt like I could appreciate the movie a lot more on this watch through and had a wonderful time

[goodluckclove]

On the Autonomy of Character (Or: How I Fucked Up and am Now Fucked)

Hi! It's me. It's Clove Gardener, the writer who was diagnosed as schizoaffective at age 12 but 15 years later was informed that they would've likely been entirely neurodivergent if not for the severe C-PTSD that those doctors in their childhood missed at the time. Oops. Turns out I just have a big imagination, and that's going to come across strong in what I have to talk about today.

I'm a big proponent of character autonomy in writing - always have been, always will be. I don't outline more than a loose conception of what I'd like to happen, but as I say that I know there's a chance that i might not. Because what I hold highest in my work is my sense of character, which often results in my characters being the ones that get to control what actually happens.

I hear a lot of writers allude to this in posts on here, but they don't go into detail. I'm going to try and explain what that means to me in an attempt to make the process make more sense to writers who prefer a bit more control and structure.

(edit: this is a ramble be warned)

For the most part it's not too obtrusive. I'll use my novel Blind Trust (E-Book available now, paperback hopefully coming out next week) as an example. There's a point in writing it that Edgar, our befuddled initial narrator, learned some information that would really come as as a shock to his love interest Scott.

Well, okay, I mused as I wrote it, he would want this to be a secret. I'll have to navigate that.

Counter to that thought, Edgar ended up telling Scott immediately. Literally, as soon as the two of them were alone. Because by then, even though I knew it would make more thematic sense, I had enough of a grasp on Edgar's character to know that he would not be able to keep this to himself.

That's usually what it looks like. Small ripples that change the current, but ultimately keep the boat riding easily. Then, a solid 100k into the sequel Migration Patterns (Also I just realized I hit 100k yay me), my cast made the biggest executive decision of the story so far.

Let me explain. Where I'm at right now, Katy Delaney and her brother are in Nebraska, and they have to drive a few states over to Oregon. The problem is that Katy is currently having her brother's house patrolled constantly by guards from Stillrush Outreach Center, the closest witch town. This includes three birthrights, one of which being Fern, a deaf ex-Navy Seal.

So that was my problem. These guards are tasked specifically to keep Katy safe, meaning they aren't going to want her to fuck off for no good reason. She needed to escape, right? That's what I thought. That's what Katy and her brother thought too. So after some brainstorming with my wife I ended up devising a ploy for them to fake a fire that would allow them to escape in the following chaos.

Here's the thing, though - and this really centers on the fact that Fern is causing me a lot more trouble than I expected for a character that was meant to be a one-off escort. The plan was to make enough smoke in a trash can fire to trigger the alarm and call a truck - but of course the guards would see it too.

Two Academic witches don't pose too much of an inconvenience - they're rule followers, they know to wait for authority. Even the two less-experienced birthrights would wait for orders before trying anything. Fern, though. Jesus Christ. Fern had years of training and an immense knight's complex, so before the firetruck even had a chance to get there they burst through the front window in case she needed to be rescued.

I didn't plan for this, but it made sense. Birthrights aren't typically bad people - they aren't all perfect, but birthright magic is typically used in the name of either social services or community good. So if someone needs help, a birthright helps - it's just a part of the culture. It definitely clashed with my plans to have Katy escape and get on the road.

And it also immediately made Katy feel like a total asshole, because of course it did. She typically gets itchy and uncomfortable around shows of heroism and goodness, even though at her core he is very much a good person. So now Clove, the writer wants Katy to book it and go on a fun road trip with her brother. But Katy Delaney sees someone who got hurt trying to save her from a danger that she made up, and she immediately thinks "well fuck, now i have to help".

So she helps Fern out of the house, and once they get themselves patched up and Katy meekly explains the weird prank and the situation it was trying to solve (Trying to keep the spoilers at a minimum), Fern is silent for a long time. Then they make a very simple conclusion.

I'm coming with you, they say.

Now Clove, the writer, the one who brought these people into existence, is like "NO. I DID NOT PLAN FOR THIS. I HAVE TO WRITE TWO MORE BOOKS AND YOU WERE NOT GOING TO BE IN THEM, FERN. WHERE DO YOU GO NOW? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO OREGON?"

But Katy feels guilty. Katy feels tired. Katy's very disorientated by how much she's suddenly feeling.

"I DO NOT THINK YOU'LL LIKE IT IN BLUEROSE, FERN," Clove, the writer, tries to insist. "I DON'T THINK THE PEOPLE IN BLUEROSE WILL LIKE THAT YOU HAVE A GUN AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT, FERN."

But Fern feels obligated to Katy. Maybe she reminds them of someone they used to know. Someone that they failed in the past and refuse to fail again.

"I DID NOT PLAN FOR GUN-TOUTING WITCHES TO BE THIS BIG A PLOT ELEMENT IN MY COMFORT-CORE ASEXUAL FANTASY SERIES, FERN," Clove wails inside their head.

It's too late, though. Clove is weaker than Fern and as much of a bleeding-heart as Katy insists she isn't. Katy agrees, and now I have two and a half books that now must at least make reference to an ex-military witch who's quick with a gun and canonically loves ska.

I don't have an inspirational ending for this. I truly don't. I'm gonna do it, because I know it's what the characters would do, and shoving them in a mold that does not fit just to appease my false sense of ego would turn storytelling into masturbation.

So yeah, guys. Fern is here. They don't have a first or a last name or any real appearance other than tall and I think tattooed, but fuck it. Fuck it. Whatever, guys. You win.

[writing-with-syd]

Shot in the Dark || Blaise Zabini × GN!Muggleborn!Reader

Summary: Blaise can’t help his feeling for you, a muggle, but you know it could never work between you two.

Warning(s): mentions of war

Word-count: 1.3k

The moon served as a light to blanket the night with its dim glow, illuminating the aged stone of the castle. A small gust of autumn wind and the soft steps of two pairs of shoes echoed through the halls. Paired with small fits of laughter and a hushed exchange of words. Who knew that one drunken night would bring two unlikely forces together. Which only led to stolen glances and smitten smiles.

"Are you ever going to tell me where we're going, Blaise?" Y/n asked, their tone full of playfulness; all the while, their vision was intercepted by the green and silver printed tie. 

"Do people always ask so many questions in the muggle world?" He replied, guiding them among the steps of the astronomy tower. 

"Only when a strange man is leading them somewhere blindfolded." 

Y/n bared a smile, and although Blaise couldn't see the sight, his heart yearned. Soon feeling one creep onto his face as well. Once at the top of the stairs, Blaise strode behind Y/n; gently tucking at the knot, he said, "Open your eyes." His voice was delicate. 

Y/n followed the command and was greeted with the sight of the astronomy tower. Although now, candles were sprawled across the room. The candle flames and moonlight highlighted Y/n's features. In the middle of the room lay a bundle of blankets and pillows.   

"You did this all for me?" Y/n circled around the room. A million thoughts raced through their head. Wondering how one person can care so much. They only partially understood the amount of devotion you can feel. How one can come to be so vulnerable in such dark times. 

"I had some help." 

Y/n met their gaze, slowly moving towards him. All he could do was stand and wait. Admiring the beauty of the sight. Much as he admired every key detail about Y/n. He wasn't sure how it was possible. To look at someone and only see the future you'd hope to live with them. Wanting to be the first thing they see in the morning and the last at night. Y/n then filled the space between them. Their eyes scanned over his features as if trying to remember every little attribute. 

"You're staring." Said Y/n just above a whisper. Their eyes wandered over his face to land on his lips. 

"So are you." 

Their eyes met, and Y/n could have sworn it felt like two pieces were finally coming together. Deep down, they knew the pieces would only allude to fitting. Yet every fiber in their being wanted nothing more than to feel his lips against theirs. Release the years of passion and yearning trapped within them. But that wasn't possible. So they pulled away. Y/n turned their back to the Slytherin, forcing a smile, they said, 

"Watch the stars with me, Blaise." Within seconds they sat on the make-shift pallette. Their legs crisscrossed, and their hands folded in their lap.

"As you wish." He instantly moved his feet. Taking a spot next to Y/n. His mind still trying to decipher the meaning of what had just happened. 

Y/n's eyes had fled to the night sky. Taking up the impossible task and counting the stars. Silence filled the air. Neither was able to discover the cure to end it. Minutes passed by, only to feel like hours. And out of the corner of their eye, Y/n saw Blaise's view glued to them. As a result, they let out a laugh. Genuine, sincere laughter, Blaise's favorite sound in the entire world. He always took pride in being the reason they laughed so. Like it was his only purpose. 

"What?" He asked, following suit.

"You're staring again, Blaise." After the first word, Blaise knew there was a difference in how they spoke. Y/n's words felt alive and present at the moment. 

"What? I'm not allowed to look at you?"

"Not like that." Y/n's eyes were still attached to the darkness. 

"Like what?" 

Moments hesitation pulled Y/n out of the temporary bliss. They needed to remember what was to come. With a deep breath, Y/n tilted their head. Looking at the man next to them. Truly seeing him for the first time. Every hope and dream. Every fear and flaw. The very things they grew to adore about Blaise Zabini. Y/n began once more. 

"Like you want to kiss me."

"You used to let me look at you like that." 

"Then what changed?" 

"You did." 

A small smile began to form. Another wall was put up, another excuse to let, whatever this may be, fall. Y/n turned back to the night's vastness. Their expression was unreadable as they searched for an answer. A hint or a clue to tell them what the next step is. What the right step is. When none was found, Y/n's eyes fell. They had been fidgeting the entire time; how had they not realized? 

"How do you that. That thing that you do?" Y/n asked. Their voice was flat and hopes defeated. 

"How do I do what?" 

"How do you always find the way to be so full of hope." 

"It's one of my many talents." 

Another laugh. Leaving as quickly as it came. 

"Blaise, what are we doing?"

His features morphed into something unfamiliar. One of deep-rooted pain and confusion.

"Are we not doing what any other couple would do?" 

"We're not... I have to go. This was a mistake." They quickly get to their feet. They shake their head as though this is all some dream they're trying to wake up from. 

"What? Wait, Y/n, stop." 

Blaise gets up to grap Y/n's hand. When he takes hold of it, he's reminded of how perfectly it fits in his. His touch pleaded for them to stay. Y/n's eyes wandered over to where their hands met. Yanking it away, freeing themself from Blaise's touch. Meeting him with resistance.

"So what? You're just going to walk away? You're just going to give up on us?" His words trembling with anger. With fear and disbelief. 

A thick uncomfortable silence takes over. Whatever the intended mood was for the night was drowned out. 

"There was no us, Blaise. There could never be an us." 

"Why." 

"You know why." 

He searched their expression. Looking for a crack in the foundation, a path in. Only to find Y/n had fortified every wall. He had no way of telling what thoughts fled through their mind. No way of telling if this was all a sick joke or a nightmare he had yet to wake from. All he knew was that his heart was breaking a million times over. 

"I love you." His words were desperate for a response. 

"No... no, you don't." 

"I love you, Y/n, I do."

"Blaise, stop. You don't mean that. 

"I mean every word... I love you so much it hurts. I love you so much it drives me crazy to not be near you. I love you so much that I'd do anything for you. And I know that you love me too. I can feel it. So please, Y/n, just tell me what you want from me. Tell me why we can't be together."  

"Fine." They look up at Blaise with all remaining strength. Tears frantic spill, and their voice is cold as stone. 

"There is a war coming, Blaise. I am a muggle-born. I am risking my life every moment I am near you, every word we exchange. I'm putting my parents' lives in danger. You were right... I do love you. But at least I have the common sense to admit what we're doing is wrong. And if you love me like you claim you do, you'll have enough self-decency to admit it too."

Their words were abrasive, cutting him like a knife. Y/n forcefully wiped the tears running down. Wiping their nose with the back of their hand. The struggle to return to a composed state was unbearable, with each step taking them further from the tower. For a second, but only for a second, Y/n felt nothing but regret. Regret for the moments they shared, the ones that will never fade and won't happen again. Regret for the future they had spent hours upon hours discussing, wrapped safely in each other's arms. But mainly regret for not being brave enough to stay.  

[heartofbusan]

I saw this tweet and it speaks to me, it says it all

https://x.com/mainlykm/status/1828489606209081405

there is just so much love there, so much that they decided to travel together and then enlist together

I like what you said about the narrative, it’s what i thought from the start in regards to the car talk as it absolutely set the scene, of friends that have not spent a lot of time together and want to (they obvious can’t indulge the truth, or say they are lovers). So hey, let’s travel together for fun!

It makes sense, it gives as reason for the show, the why they are doing it. People thinking all sorts of stupid things, but that was always clear to me. I had wondered before the show aired how they were going to navigate that, the why, and so it made sense to me to lead with that, I think that’s why Jimin lead the conversation referencing they hadn’t been on a trip together in a while, acknowledging that they had been on a trip just them before.. one which is infamous. GCFT has always set them apart since its release, no other members have that sort of trip on record (obvs we know about Tae and Hobi’s trip). I mean why out of all the members, or out of all their friends, did they need or want to spend that travel time together? I mean that in the sense that it was also the case that as far as Army could see, Jimin and Tae hadn’t been spending much time together, so why not him? (Talking abkut NY/CT). The other thing that sets them apart to me is how we didn’t get any live content at the time of filming, in comparison to Jimin going to see Yoongi in NY and going live, we got nothing when he was with JK, why? It marks them as different in my opinion.

I do now wonder about the arc of the story in the rest of the episodes, I love your thought process there. I’m going to say I’m nervous for any in depth talk they may have, we’ve gotten nothing much so far about MS, but obviously in Japan they know they got in. I’m nervous because any information they give us about their reasons will be used against them, and sadly atp not just by tkkrs, but by insecure jkks too, and what a sad site to be in . However, I can’t imagine it won’t be mentioned, the bittersweet thing about Japan meaning they were just a mere couple of weeks away from enlistment day whilst there.

I have enjoyed this show immensely and agree with what you said wholeheartedly about the purpose of it all is to show us them, as they are. The small details of their relationship, the small but oh so significant details of their bond, how in sync they are and just move together. It’s truly beautiful and all I want from it is for people to respect them, and their really incredible bond. 💜

Hi there,

Do you remember this time last year when we were teased a possible Jikook live but it never came? JK did his very best, put on his poutiest face, fanned his lashes, showed us brawn and muscle and all sorts of things in order to get Jimin to join him during one of his many lives. Ah, what a thirsty time that was.

No, they didn't go live or tease the actual show when they were filming AYS, and I think that's probably due to them wanting to 1. Keep AYS a surprise, and 2. They still might have needed to 'sell' the show to a distributor.

Regarding the first I think we all know they love to give ARMY gifts. They know, THEY KNOW we love them together. The amount of times people have been asking them to go live together ect..they were probably giggling knowing what they were preparing. Their excitement during the NamVMinKook (help what is their name 😩) last live when Joon alluded to bedroom MMA..they were exited and wanted to keep it as surprise. On the second point I think, like someone mentioned (please, I forgot who it was, please come get your flowers 💐) they might not have sold an 8 episode show yet, so nothing was set in stone. They had a wild idea and a dream! but maybe not yet a clear idea of how they'd be promoting the show, they had no title ect. Like we say here, they might not have wanted to make us happy with a dead bird.

As to your point of them mentioning MS.. hmm..I dunno, I'm not as nervous for it, I guess. They mentioned it explicitly in episode one where they talked about deciding to do the show because thy would be going away for a while. They also said they wanted to keep doing it, to quote JK "until we're 50".

If they do mention it, I think it will be just as brief, not a whole explanation. It's as deep as they're willing to get, I suppose. Very Jimin-esque, mentioning it,but also keeping it close to the vest. They know about their haters, ofc they do, but if they're like me, they curate what they see and what they allow to permeate into their sphere. I block and report, but I suffer no fools. Not on any app. Why waste my time reading that drivel when there is this kind of love story to be celebrated.

If we were surprised by them enlisting as a duo, then I'm sure they talked about how it would be received, and they decided it was worth it.

Yes, their bond is what as breathed live into my veins these past weeks. Hell, the anticipation has been building for months! And I hope they know that. I hope they know that there are people like you and I, dear anon, who will support them, whatever may come.

Thank you so much for your lovely ask 💜