#i mean. i think the mv is just a friendship/‘idols are cool’ mv if you watch it with no thoughts; head empty

[deus-ex-mona]

no one:

absolutely no one:

jptwt reactions to the hiyomv:

[faceglitchsworld]

Here's me trying to understand the storyline and the characters on the beat/beyOnd MVs

Author's note: idk if I just wrote the most obvious things or not. I needed to leave out all my emotions after watching the beyOnd MV. Also, there's some speculation about the background of both Mill and Nine's characters, I would be very happy if you'll reblog this post and add your thoughts on it. Or just using the replies. Also no timeline/multiple universe theory here, I'm not that great at those kinds of stuff. The post might be confusing too.

And that's it. The OOO's undergrOund idOl series has come to an end. What a great way to start 2023. We got a bombastic song and a cool remix and, honestly, I think both the songs will brainrott me for a while. But you're not here for the songs am I right? You're here for me trying to analyze the MVs and see if I've understood the story or not. Well, let's see if I did it, shall we?

What I always loved about the OOO' undergrOund idOl series is the relationships' slow building. Everything is always natural thanks to it. And here we didn't get disappointed at all. We got a very well-made Friends to Lovers story and I'll show you how we got it.

Let's start with the beat MV for a second so we can talk about the entire story as a whole.

So, when I saw Nine on the MV, the first thing that came into my mind was the ending of the book Kanohomo by Naoto Asahara. In this book, Jun, the main protagonist, tries to accept his sexuality while trying to stick into society. Throughout the story, tho, Jun experiences some very heavy stuff and understands that he can't keep being himself and trying to be someone who's not him at the same time. That's why in the end he decides to move into a new city and attend a new school where he can finally be himself without caring about what others will think of him. And, believe me, Nine reminded me a lot about Jun (I was literally screaming "AH, FINALLY I'VE GOT THE KANOHOMO'S SEQUEL" while watching the MV). Of course at the time I immediately projected Jun's story to Nine and I must admit that I was a little reckless in doing this. From what we have known Nine could have just been a happy queer teenager that lives a happy life and his family supports him every time. But then the beyOnd MV happened and...let's say that some of my projections might be true. Maybe.

We see how Mill and Nine's relationship starts as a simple friendship thanks to the lollipop scene. And I admit that when I saw this scene without the beyOnd MV I was a little, um, confused. It looked like everything was going too much faster for me (actually the entire MV seemed faster than beyOnd). Of course, Nine could have just been that friendly, extrovert classmate who wants to be friends with everyone but the lollipop scene happens after Nine takes Mill away from the bullies and this is not something that a simple friendly classmate would do. Unless you didn't experience the same thing and you don't want another one getting hurt in the same way.

The art class scene is how Mill sees his new friend. He's a model, a muse for him. He wants to be like him: extrovert, good in sports, more secure of himself and probably with better hobbies than his.

I admit in this last statement that I'm projecting a little from my own personal experience in middle school, where making art in general (drawing, playing music etc.) would have made you like a freak or a loser but seeing how Mill reacts in the beyOnd MV before knowing Nine makes me think that he's mocked especially for this reason (I mean, he's afraid to show his drawings to anyone. ANYONE). Or maybe it's just me who projected my younger self on him :P

Mill starts to have a crush when Nine enters the art class and decides to pose for him and spend time with him. Probably it's the first time where he sees a friend getting interested in something that he loves. And that might be the reason why he starts to have feelings for him. It might sound off, but he's a teenager after all and probably it's the first time he falls in love with someone. Founding someone that shares the same interests as you can be the reason why you start feeling the love at that age.

In my opinion, the kind of love Mill has for Nine is the idealized one. Now, this kind of love is pretty normal if you're a teenager and you experience love for the first time. You still don't know exactly how a relationship works. Not to mention the fact that Mill has seen Nine only when he "shines". He sees him with his friends, when he protects him from the bullies, when he shares time with him. He never saw him at his lows. Put all of this in the mix and you get your ideological love.

Now, the "problem" with those kinds of relationships is the fact that they immediately fall apart at the exact moment the couple meets their first obstacle. Again, it's pretty normal that this kind of thing happens since teenagers don't know how and what must work in a relationship. They're not mature yet for understanding everything.

That's why the last scene on the beat MV is so powerful to me. Not only for the cliffhanger at the end but also because Mill sees for the first time someone who taught being always invincible and strong getting hurt. That's why he gets scared and worried, he didn't expect to see him in that state. And this is why I got scared and tough that the beyOnd MV would have given us the tragic ending. We're were left at the end with a big question: what he's gonna do now? What will happen to them and their relationship? And I thought for a while that Mill could have abandoned Nine and just broken up everything because of this event.

Ok, enough with the beat analysis, let's talk about the elephant in the room: the beyOnd MV.

Now, the MV confirmed in part what I thought about Nine's character. He surely had some bad experiences at his previous school so he sees this new environment as a new opportunity for him. A fresh new start where he wants to show his true self. Or well, only the parts he wants to show to everyone. Because he likes playing music but strangely he doesn't show this trait to anyone. Anyone except Mill of course.

In the beyOnd MV we have what might be the first actual encounter between Mill and Nine when they clash with each other and Mill's drawings fall on the floor. I think the lollipop scene happens the day after this one scene in particular since we get an actual encounter between them and not just a simple sight.

And I must admit that I projected even more that Nine might have gone through some terrible experience before attending the new school. Probably he also experienced bullying in his old school and when he asked for help no one helped him and abandoned him instead. I think Mill reminded a little of his old self and he decided to talk to and befriend him as a way to help. This is a very nice way to start a friendship if you ask me.

The beyOnd MV seems to confirm that a bunch of scenes happened in the beat MV are set during the beginning of their story and this might confirm that the first one who fell in love is Mill. Nine on the other hand seems to take more time and, again, his past might have played a major role in his attitude. After the first scene where Nine saves from the bullies (which is also one of the last scenes in the beat MV), Nine takes him into what looks like a storage room and they made it into their refuge where they can do whatever they want.

And here we get some scenes where we actually see Nine and Mill's friendship developing. Take the ping pong scene for example, where Nine teaches Mill how to play and, by doing this, Mill starts to become more confident. Or the scenes where Nine watches Mill's drawings and he compliments him for his works. Not to mention the piano scene, my favourite one.

I think it's one of the few moments where Nine decides to show a side of himself that he doesn't show at school. He trusts Mill so much that he knows that he will not betray him. I think this scene is also the one where Nine starts to have a crush on Mill. The reason? Watch the art class scene on the beat MV and you might notice some nice parallels like Nine and Mill laying their head on their partner's shoulder for example.

And when does Nine develop his crush on Mill into something more exactly? During the cake scene for me. I highly doubt that scene happens immediately after the piano one. Maybe we got a sort of timeskip where they're celebrating something (a year since they met and they've become friends? There's only one candle on the cake after all and I doubt they were celebrating a birthday) and, thanks to Wookjin's acting skills, we can clearly see how he loves Mill and wants to kiss him on that occasion. But he hesitates. Maybe it wasn't the best time for that. And that's why we got the final scenes.

I don't know Korean but I think Nine's note was probably about him asking Mill to come to the phone booth that night. And, well, we know what would have happened if Nine didn't meet the bullies, right?

We would have gotten a confession! :D

And a kiss.

Of course we could have gotten the kiss. They love each other at this point, I can see all the other OOO members singing Kiss the girl from the Little Mermaid in the background (lyrics obviously changed to Kiss the boy).

But the bullying scene happened and we got Nine injured. And a continuation of the beat MV. And honestly, I'm so happy that we didn't get any sad ending but a sweet one.

Now, I admit that seeing Mill taking care of Nine made my heart melt, since I crave the hurt/comfort scenes, especially if we talk about well-made scenes. And oh boy, those scenes are well made for sure. The only thing that confuses me is the setting tho. I think it's their refuge where they spent time together but I don't know if it's exactly that, the director was too focused on giving us some symbolism with the light on Mill and Nine (and I'm sure there is but I'm not that much into colour theory sadly). But despite that, I honestly felt how sweet the entire moment was, especially when Mill lays down next to Nine to make sure he's ok.

And by watching this scene I think their relationship and characters evolved so much. Mill didn't just "return the favour" by taking care of Nine for once, he also sees him in another light. He doesn't see him in an idealogical light anymore but in an equal one. He understands that Nine isn't always invincible and that there are times when he'll need his help. And he will be for him no matter what.

Nine on the other hand has finally found someone who didn't abandon him, someone who can trust and give all the love he wants.

The kiss scene at the end marks what will be a new beginning for both of them. They have each other and they'll overcome this stage of their life together as lovers. And I was grossly crying while watching that scene but that is another story.

Oh yeah, I was almost forgetting that here we didn't see the origami birds at all (or maybe they were on some corner and I didn't notice) D:

In my opinion, I think we didn't see them because their love story has just begun in the end. While both begin/be free and because/be mine's storyline talk about love stories that start during their MVs and have some development later on, the beat/beyOnd storyline is much more focused on the beginning of the love story. Sure Nine and Mill have a crush and develop some feelings for each other but they don't become an actual couple until the end. So, since the origami birds are a representation of how the love story and the couple are developing, they would have appeared if both of them have become a couple much earlier. But by doing this probably we wouldn't have gotten the entire build-up so, well, let's hope to see them again if OOO will make undergrOund idOl 2 and they'll decide to bring the storylines once again :D

And that's it, this is my (somehow) analysis of this story. I tried to remember everything but probably I might have messed up or forget something soooooo, add your thoughts on it if you want :D

[ozis-paradise]

ØZI for Tatler

published july 3rd, 2020

[translated by me, proofread by @baobeejun]

Free like water, a born star! From Irene Yeh's son to the new king of popular music, the dazzling star you need to know: ØZI!

Bright red highlighted hair, equally red earpieces hanging around his neck. The boy with eye-catching tattoos is sitting on the make-up chair, skipping his feet while eating breakfast and he exudes a rebellious and free, yet delicate and pure atmosphere. Soon after his debut, he was shortlisted for six Golden Melody Awards last year and won Best New Artist. At the mention of his name, everyone will exclaime admiration and excitement, ØZI seems to have become a synonym of "cool" and "red" among the younger generation.

"I think I'm too rational, 100% rational, I should also be a little sentimental." This cool-looking artist was told by his agent that "his temper is very good, he most likely won't look angry." Isn't it a little unexpected for a rational rapper to be so talkative? Doesn't he also like to drink beverages with either honey or strawberry? Everytime ØZI gives a new answer, people have to reconstruct the imagine they already had in mind of him, contrasting to his appearance there is a vibrant and rich soul ready to stir trouble (in a "catching peoples attention" kinda way). Speaking of his definition of freedom, ØZI jokes "Freedom means that my agent won't call me, no work, blocking my agent's calls!" But in fact, the interpretation of freedom in his heart is somewhat aloof and mature: "Because society has a lot of rules, as far as I can tell, no-one is free; from family, love to friendship, they all have their own rules. But freedom comes from inner stability, it should be "like water", just then you're free. When it is placed in different containers, it becomes it's shape, it can adapt to every environment; to me, this state is freedom, because you can be free from restrictions and confined space."

When asked if he's free now, he mutters "Not necessarily, sometimes I get stuck when my inspiration runs out. It's been a little better lately, it wasn't like water in the second half of last year, instead it was more like ice cubes!" Last year was too busy to think, it was described by ØZI "like the mind is drying out". And because of his plans to go to the United States to relax at the beginning of this year - he didn't expect the immediate outbreak to happen - he got more time to produce, "I'm free now, I'm simply water now!", he smiles.

Living in a prominent family of performing artists - his mother Ye Ailing is an all-round entertainer, his father Chen Wenbin is a well-known photographer - ØZI's creative path can be said to be expected. Because his parents are both in the industry, he grew up in a musical environment ever since he was a child. But when it comes to his own creations, in fact, ØZI liked to draw as a kid. In Junior High, he liked to make and arrange music, in High School he began to write melodies, lyrics, from drawings to producing movies, "creations" of change because as a child, he liked to be "original" about this. He had six Music Videos, all on his iPhone. "At first, my dad said that there were a lot of problems with my Music Videos, so I was trying hard to improve, I learned about lighting and so on, just to prove that my Music Videos can look good, I wanted to get his approval!"

The requirement of children of celebrities is a blessing but it's hard to hold a grasp of it, it's difficult to excuse mistakes. The music world describes it as "to be born a Super Saiyan (means something like "Second-Generation-Star" because he's the son of famous parents). ØZI explains: "I was just lucky to be born into a musical family, I have enough space to be understood and supported. My dad knows what it's like to be a creator, my mom knows what it's like to be a performer. So I had the chance to train to become a Super Saiyan." It's a double edged sword, everyone was paying close attention when ØZI was nominated at the Golden Melody Awards. "After the rookie award, in addition to putting myself under a lot of pressure, I didn't change any of my creative motives and I'm very expressive. So if you don't get rewarded, you get mad at yourself." Maybe stress occasionally hinders his creative work, but at the same time, it's also a sign of determination to succeed and break through the golden sunken ship.

ØZI's first well-known Chinese song "Title" is about not being bind by anything, about wanting to have more freedom, more creative freedom for everyone. He's been making music for his "mission to internationalize Chinese Music" from the very beginning. "The internationalisation is something that not everyone can do, we listen to music from Latin America, Hip-Hop, K-Pop, it's all because of their atmosphere. For me, every artist has their own way of interpretating their culture. It's very important to let everyone know "Oh, that's C-Pop!"" And the new plans of ØZI will be followed by the release of some singles, a new album will also be released this year. He also revealed that he's working on three different projects at the same time now, experimental and core concept types. There's even a project that's "looking for the next stage of ØZI" trying to give his music a new image. "There will be a lot of music you have never heard from ØZI before, some experimental music, I can't reveal much!"

He's 100% rational when it comes to his family, but his sentimental tone betrayed him; when he talks about music, he becomes serious. Introducing his new tattoo is as exciting as being a little boy. His soul is free, but "ØZI" still has a lot of unavoidable restrictions.

"ØZI is the character I created, he's the embodiment of self-confidence, he has to be perfect. The self-confidence this character needs will be infused into my spirit, but this is only one part of it", he says slowly. With his high and straight nose bridge and the fine and smooth line of his chin, ØZI looks somewhat like his mother Ye Ailing; but he has taken off the label of being a celebrity's child, that used to stick on him tightly, a long time ago already. He's ØZI, free like water, a born star.

TATLER discusses with ØZI

What do you do to pass the time that make a perfect holiday?

Go to the beach of an uninhabited island alone or with a group of friends, lie on the beach and drink cocktails, read a book, maybe listen to music, sleep.

What do you like to do the most when you don't have to work?

Playing video games, eating, getting a massage, sleeping, watching Netflix.

If you could have one drink with an idol, who would it be?

Canadian Rapper/Singer Drake! So I can understand his logic of running his OVO Empire and see if I can absorb it and apply it on my own label.

Your motto?

The tattoo on my leg, it's a famous quote from "Batman: The Dark Knight Rises": "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

Who is your life idol? Why?

Christopher Nolan, the director of "Inception"! Actually, everyone who gives me inspiration for a period of time is my idol.

What would you recommend to watch on Netflix?

I actually watch anything, from serious "13th" to pure entertaining "Too Hot To Handle", I want to absorb different elements.

Please define freedom in one sentence?

Be like Water!

Which abroad city do you want to visit first after the ban gets lifted?

Greece! I went there for the first time when I was shooting the MV to "Paradise Island", and I thought I have to come back when I get the chance to! It has a peaceful charm between the island and the city, it has their own ancient culture and beach parties, everyone is very relaxed and the atmosphere is very cool.

Favourite drink?

Apple Milk or Honey Water, I like the Honey or Strawberry kind.

When your mood is low, what do you do to cheer up?

Playing video games, hanging out with friends, working out.

What games have you been playing lately?

The remake of Final Fantasy 7, the graphics have changed very beautifully.

[utopianvoices]

one and only | l.minho

↭ genre: relationship au; angst, fluff

↭ word count: 2.2k

↭ a/n: big big shoutout to @chanrismatic for giving me basically the whole plot idea!

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽༓☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

you and minho were no doubt a really busy couple

you were busy with your uni and he was busy with his idol career 

but that didn’t stop ya’ll from seeing each other as often as ya’ll could

which was really often

because you two always found time for each other 

he was your pillar of support when you were going through tough times in uni and you were his when he was going through all the stress of idol life

well it’s pretty funny how ya’ll met

because lo and behold

you were jisung’s sister

one day when you go and visit your brother at the dorm because who else are you gonna annoy other than your twin brother

this amazingly handsome and hot and pretty and cute boy opened the door you were knocking on incessantly 

“yea yea i’m coming calm yourself wo-”

he just stopped mid sentence and stared at you 

and you stared at him

and you probably would have continued staring if it wasn’t for him shouting for jisung

“JISUNG WHY IS THERE A GIRL WHO LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE YOU AT OUR DOORSTEP”

but what you didn’t hear because of how distracted you were by the loud clashing noises coming from the dorm is the “but the cuter and prettier version of you” that minho uttered underneath his breath

before you could say anything

a wild jisung catapults straight into your arms and squeezes the life out of you

“OMG IT’S THE UGLY TWIN!!! I’VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!!”

“jisung i saw your ugly ass two days ago”

“so???? i still miss you”

yep ya’ll were a cute pair of twins

so you were just spending the day with jisung when you ask the question that’s been on your mind since the moment the door to the dorm opened

“hey poop, who’s the guy that opened the door for me? you know the one who wasn’t very good looking or anything”

clearly you were amazing at being subtle

jisung gives you the side eyes and just goes “hmMMHmm” in his head

“that’s minho hyung. he’s the dancer in our team, born in 1998 and will probably date you”

you did a double take and just put on your innocent face like nOoooooO you totally didn’t want to date him

but you end up dating him anyway 

end of flashback and back to the present

you were done with your classes pretty early that day because one of your professors called in sick

and it just so happened to be your last class

so you messaged your boyfriend asking him if he was free for lunch

and perfectly, he was out and about with the rest of the boys filming the street mv for their song “rock” 

and he was clear from schedules for the rest of the day

so replies to your message saying that they were just done with filming and that he will meet you at the starbucks with the rest of the boys

and adds a lot of fluffly and cringey emojis

which makes your heart go baduMP BADUMP

you leave your campus with a smile on your face and make your way to the starbucks

the boys were already at said starbucks fighting over who was gonna pay for the drink we all know its gonna be chan in the end

when minho feels someone tapping his shoulder

he turns around to see his childhood girl best friend

he smiles the widest smile because he hadn’t seen her for years after she moved away from seoul

and grabs her in a hug

“omG i haven’t seen you for so long!!!! it’s been years, (f/n)!”

“tell me about it!!! my my look at you minho you haven’t changed one bit” his friend teased him

while all this was going on, the boys were gaping at the both of them

before jisung let out a really exaggerated cough and gave minho a pointed look that screamed “please explain as to why you’re fucking clinging onto this girl”

but minho doesn’t catch onto it because of how excited he was to see his best friend

“guys this is my childhood best friend, f/n!!! we grew up together since our diaper days and i haven’t seen her in years!”

jisung, clearly not pleased about it, mutters a “right” and turns towards the rest of the group who were clearly tensed up

minho, forgetting about the rest of his friends, grabs his friend’s hand and leads her to a table, where they sit and catch up on all the years they had missed

and while all these eventful things had been happening, it totally slipped minho’s mind that his girlfriend was on his way to the starbucks, excited to see him after a good week of hardly any time spent together

you walk into the starbucks and spot the boys first, but finding it odd that minho wasn’t with them

but you still walk over to them and greet them with a hug

“hey guys where’s minho?”

“umMMmm well you see he-”

and before chan could explain the situation to you, you hear the voice of your boyfriend that you would recognise anywhere 

accompanied by a girl’s voice

you whip your head around just to see the girl grab minho’s hand and say the words that made your whole world come crashing down around you in a split second

“i can’t believe i’m doing this now but i’m in love with you minho. since we were kids. but i was too scared to tell you because i was convinced you were going to reject me and we would lose our friendship. but over the years my feelings just got stronger and here i am pouring everything to you”

you immediately turn around on your heels and leave before the tears start falling because you hated crying in front of people

minho looks at his friend shocked not knowing what to reply, when he hears a door slam

he turns around just to catch a glimpse of your furious silhouette leaving the starbucks

what the fuck did he just do

he was about to get up and go after you but jisung who had, together with the rest of the boys, witnessed everything stopped him with a glare

“don’t” was the only thing he mutters before running after you

minho can only stand there shocked as the sight of his love leaving the store with anger, frustration and hurt, drives daggers into his heart 

that’s when he remembers that his friend is still sitting there, watching the whole scene unfold with an open mouth

“i’m sorry f/n but i already have a girlfriend who i really love more than anything. and i don’t know what i’ll do if i lose her”

the thought of losing you was enough to cause the tears to well up in his eyes

f/n nods and shoots him a sad but understanding smile, knowing that she had no chance with him because he was clearly with someone who made him happy

“it’s alright minho. i’m just glad i got it out of my system because it’s been eating my alive, not knowing what you were thinking. i’m really sorry for causing all this trouble....” she trailed off, looking at the door uncertainly

“it’s fine, really. you couldn’t have known” minho mumbled, still unable to concentrate fully when his thoughts kept wondering back to you

“can we..... can we still be friends?” 

minho shoots her a small but genuine smile and replies with a “best friends forever”

the two friends smile at each other and she encourages him with a “go get your girl”

that’s all he needed to scramble up to his feet and make his way towards the door

the rest of the boys who had been looking at the whole scene unfold, rushed towards him once they realised he had sorted things out with his friend

they shoot her an apologetic smile and leave the starbucks in a hurry, clearly wanting to help their teammate get his girl back

you, on the other hand, were in your and minho’s shared apartment, bawling your eyes out into your pillow

the rational part of your brain was telling you that you probably shouldn’t have jumped to a conclusion and left without an explanation

but 99% of your brain was ruled by irrationality at that point

you heard your brother’s voice float through the apartment, seemingly sounding closer and closer as he walked towards where you were

you felt the bed sink as he sat at the edge, rubbing your back and whispering for you to calm down

soon you calmed down, hiccupping here and there as you crawled into your brother’s arms 

“you know he loves you a lot right? i want to tell you that maybe you should have listened to him but i don’t think that’s what you need now”

“you literally just told me dipshit”

“oops i guess it was meant to be jammed into your brain”

you smacked your annoying but loving brother and sighed

“do you think it’s too late if i go back and ask for an explanation now?”

jisung just turned and looked at you like you were dumb

which you kinda were, at that point of time

“y/n, my sweet sweet dumb sister, even if you were to hit him i’m sure he couldn’t get mad at you. have u seen the disgusting googly eyes he has whenever he sees you?”

and following this statement, jisung fake gagged, earning a light slap from you

you looked at him with determination in your eyes and got up, ready to call your boyfriend when the door to your apartment burst open, with 8 boys falling in one after another

but one stood out to you; he always did 

ya’ll just stared at each other, unsure of what to say, when the rest of the boys took the hint and left the apartment

“so ummm...” you trail off, not knowing what to say now that you were cooled down with 99% of your brain back to rationality

but before you could start overthinking, minho interrupts and just starts off ranting

“im so sorry baby i swear i didn’t know she felt that way about me and also i didn’t mean to forget about you it’s just that i hadn’t seen her in a long time and she was my best friend since i was a kid and i really feel like i’ve ruined things but like i really don’t want you to leave me and-”

this boy wasn’t stopping even for a damn breath

so you did the first thing that came to your mind

you smacked his head 

i bet yall thought i was gonna say kiss him but nAh fam 

he let out a small ‘ouch’ but it got him to shut up 

“i understand now.... i’m really sorry for leaving without listening to your explanation. and don’t be silly i’ll never hate you. you provide me with way too much entertainment” you say and shoot him a cheeky smile

he rolls his eyes and crushes you in a hug, relieved that you will still remain his 

just then he realised something

“did you just smack my head to get me to shut up”

you laugh nervously and slowly try to get away from his grip when his hands shoot to your sides and start tickling you

you scream-laugh and try to get away from him but somehow you just end up dragging him onto the floor 

he was hovering above you still tickling you when you grabbed his hands to stop him

both of ya’ll breathing heavily from laughing too hard 

and he just stares at you with this soft smile because he still can’t believe how he scored someone like you

cue the same thoughts racing through your head

and this is where he actually leans in and kisses you softly because why not

ya’ll were really the cutest couple out there

the boys slowly open the apartment door, afraid that you had killed minho or something because you were known for your scariness when you were angry

and they see ya’ll having this soft moment and they just have different reactions in general

most of them either aww-ed or gagged

but jisung, being an idiot, walked over and kicked minho off of you and shot him the best brotherly glare he could muster 

which wasn’t really a glare 

was more like a squirrel trying to look upset

which is really cute

but anyways yes

“you pull this shit one more time and i’m gonna...i’m gonna...uhm.. idK what i’ll do but you watch your back” he said as he narrows his eyes and shows minho a ‘i’m watching you’ sign with his fingers

you stare at jisung and wonder how you were related to that... thing that clearly had no more than one brain cell

minho pretended to be scared to humour jisung and raised both his hands in surrender

“yes boss”

and that’s how you and minho have a prospering relationship, with more understanding, lesser fights, and 8 other third-wheels (or eight-wheels)

∞ end ∞

[astros-turf]

Kpop Tag Game

Rules: List 10 biases not in the same group then tag 10 people. 

Tagged by @b-ace

Thanks for the tag yo, this is gonna be tough lol

1. Rocky - ASTRO

2. Yongguk - BAP

3. Jackson - Got7

4. Chan - Stray Kids

5. Jian - IMFACT

6. Jun - A.C.E.

7. Shownu - Monsta X

8. Chanyeol - EXO

9. Hui - Pentagon

10. Seungkwan - Seventeen

(ahhhh, 10 of my favorite dumbasses...)

2. Ultimate Bias

So, UB would have to be Rocky. Love that lil soff pebble.

3. Ultimate Bias Wrecker

So I don’t have bias wreckers, but my 2nd bias would be Yongguk... (and no, the above list isn’t in love order XD i just always list these two first ok??) I think out of all my biases he’s the one I was weak for the fastest... was sent one gif of his smile and literally demanded more immediately.

4. Favorite kpop song

HAHAHAHAHHAH right. yeah. Ok. Lemme just... I have.... playlist after playlist of favorites ok? That’s impossible. I’ll just follow @b-ace‘s method & tell you that the last song that was stuck in my head (and has been there for days? weeks?) is I am YOU - Stray Kids

5. First kpop song

Oh shit uh..... I.... huh. I feel like the first one I remember watching a mv for was Spring Day by BTS? I know it was BTS something.... If it wasn’t Spring Day I’d be surprised lol...

However!! I’ll tell ya later which song actually got me into kpop ^-^ (cuz BTS are cool and all but... they’re not why I like kpop)

6. Favorite kpop album/single

Yikes uh *glances at shelf of kpop albums* right... *glances at spotify playlists* yeah.... uh. I mean honestly, it may be Dream pt. 1 by ASTRO? Dream pt. 1 was my first comeback with a group? & I bought both versions of the album cuz new interest... and also cuz I got one of the versions signed & just... yee. Nothing like the beginning of an interest :)

7. Favorite kpop ship

Favourite Brotp/Idol friendship would have to be Minseok & Jongdae. They’re just so f*cking adorable man…Minho & Kibum too! Both adorable. So Soft man lol <<< YEE. I agree & same here so just gonna leave that there lol

8. Hard or soft fan

Soft. 100% Soft. Give me all the smiley, giggly, cuddly, soft content please and thank. <<< same lol.

9. Favorite kpop company

None. They’re all snakes. Can’t trust any of ‘em. <<< okay joon lol I’m just... yup.

10. Backstory of how you got into kpop

Right. So after being shown Spring Day and a bunch of other BTS and I think EXO & other groups/songs/etc... my friend was like “I think I know a group you’ll like.” & showed me Confession by ASTRO. I think I made it to the about... eh, 2 minute mark?? (should be right after R O C K Y’s first rap lol) before I decided, “Yup. Time to devote my life to these 6 cute idiots..... but especially this one with the smiles” & uh yeah, the rest, as they say, is history.

Tagging: uh, whoever wants to just tag me so I can see!

[istgimamess]

Label: yg entertainment

Stage name: Barbie

Debut year: 2014 (4yrs active)

Debut concept: sexy, dark, story driven, rap and dance heavy, hip hop/pop track!

Number of members: 1(solo artist)

Group name: you go by your stage name, Barbie!

Fandom name: bb's

Position: main dancer, vocal, rap and visual; basically everything (because you rock!)

Male bestie: Yukhei (NCT)

How you meet: you hurt eachother both physically and emotionally, and then laughed about it. Alot! It was a normal day, you had just returned from dance practice and you were kind of exhausted; so you weren't paying that much attention to your surroundings! And then, let's just say, you hit a wall. Literally! Knees buckling, foreheads banging, elbows stabbing eachother in the stomachs - you struggled to break free. "Oh my freakin- you broke my face!! My face is broken!! What the hell is your forehead made out of?!! Bricks?!" "Well, I wouldn't of had to break your face if you had just watched where you were going, you frat-boy looking douche!" There was a long pause, some intense eye contact and then you both were cracking up; red faced and both clutching your stomachs, you managed to introduce yourselves! You've been attached at the hip ever since! You both have 4D personalities and you both love to make people laugh! You're 100x more extra when you're with eachother! Like Bonnie and Clyde, Tom and Jerry - you have eachothers back but always tease eachother constantly! He quickly becomes one of your best friends! He also gets oddly really protective of you, in a funny way, and his band mates like to tease him to see his reaction! "Hmm, I think my girl crush would have to be Barbie! She's really sexy!" "...(delayed reaction) Wait, what!? (^..gif..^)..who just said that!?? I'll stab you in the eye with a fork!!.." Even though he uses humor to mask how much he dislikes other people talking about you, you know if it came down to it, he would genuinely put someone in their place for you! Your friendship is the sweetest! (*sob*.. my 4D son!)

Female bestie: Lisa (Black Pink)

How you meet: you meet through dance! You had started taking more and more dance classes and workshops after your debut and occasionally you would meet new people in those classes! Long story short, she "accidently" caught you off gaurd after practice one day and you might have turned around and kicked her in the shin in a desperate attempt to "defend" yourself. You apologized over and over again but she just wouldn't stop laughing and take your apology, "hahahahhahahahaha you call that self defense?! You looked like a rabid bunny...I'm sorry hahahhaha...I can't stop laughing...hahaha.." "HA! Hilarious. Laugh it up..." She ends up choking which makes you laugh hysterically, until both of you are just a mess of giggles. You quickly end up bonding over your love for dance and food! And it became kind of a game between you two, on who could sneak up and scare the other more: at award shows, at fan meets, at restaurants; any and everywhere you could possibly think of! You had gotten in couple of good scares, but she was still the reigning queen! Which, she always brags about! "Lisa, you're best friends with Barbie right!?" "Yeah! She's my bestie!" "I hear you like to sneak up and scare eachother! How do you usually do it?!" "Yeah! I get her everytime! Like this...(^.. gif..^).." She's such a fruitloop, but you love her!

Group bestie: NCT Dream

How you meet: it was one of the weirdest encounters you've had in your entire life, to be completely honest. One second you were picking out something to eat at the local 7-11 and then without warning you were surrounded by a pack of fetus looking thugs. "You barbie!?" "We've literally watched every single one of her music videos and all of her interviews. We know what she looks like, why would you ask such a stupid question!?" "I was just trying to act cool!" "Well that's your problem right there! You're a rapper not an actor!" "You want to fight me!?" "Oh look, Canada thinks he can throw down.." "Stop pushing his buttons, Haechan. But on a serious note, we've all seen pictures of her on Lucas' phone sooooo that definitely was a stupid question.." "I swear to go-" "Umm, sorry to interrupt but...what is happening!?" "We're your new best friends, we're here to replace Lucas. Nice to meet you!" "Ummm..I mean..okay, sure.." And just like that, your fate was sealed! (No joke, my brothers football team actually did this to me! Soooo yeah, this legit happened!) You end up not really minding though. They are super supportive, always cheering you on and hyping you up! It's kind of cute, they follow you around like little ducklings; always competing with Lucas for your attention and friendship. "Noona, Yukhei said you prefer atleast one of your bestfriends to be buff so..(^.. gif..^).." You love them!

Ship name: b-min, smiley couple

How you meet: you ran into him at an award show. Literally! You were too busy trying to watch out for Lisa! You knew she was obviously attending the award show, and you knew it was the perfect setting and opportunity for her to sneak up and scare you; so you weren't paying attention to anything! Until you were laying flat on the ground, another human being hovering over you. "Yikes, are you okay!?" "Oh my god! I'm soooo sorry!" You apologize profusely as he tries to help you stand. "It's no problem, I might be short but I'm sturdy- nope, I take that back, you're shorter.." With red cheeks and shaky hands you both stumbled awkwardly through your introductions and from then on, it was history! He ended up asking you out and you jumped at the gun to say yes; you've been together ever since. He really is a great boyfriend, always cuddling you, buying you flowers, taking you out to eat, supporting you. (I'm actually getting kind of jealous lmfao) He's whipped and his band mates tease him about it all the time! "And here we have Park Jimin not paying attention to the camera at all because he's too busy texting Barbie! What a shocker!....(^.. gif..^)..." You're total relationship goals!

Biggest fan: Wooseok (Pentagon) is probably your biggest fan! He's constantly listening to your music, watching your MV's, downloading your songs, watching your TV appearances and talking about you in interviews! "I'm a huge fan of Barbie-noona! She's really talented and she's such a good dancer! I would love to collab with her sometime in the future!" It's the cutest thing; he's such a big fan of everything you do and he's so loyal to your fandom, constantly calling himself a fellow bb! "Wooseok, quick question! Do you think there is anyone in the world that dances better than Barbie?!" "...(^..gif..^)..." It's adorable!

Scandal: it's not a secret that you're a dancing dancer who loves to dance, and it's definitely not a secret that EXO's Kim Jongin is one of the best dancers out there, in your opinion! (It's a total FACT!) So given that he's actually one of your closest friends, even an older brother at times; always willing to practice with you and give you advice! You use this to your benefit! Often! That's why dispatch has photographs of you and Jongin together on multiple nights! "New romance between Solo Artist Barbie and EXO's Kai?!" "Ken and Barbie?! More like Kai and Barbie! New hott couple alert!" You both end up laughing until you're curled up in a ball on the floor. "Really?! A Barbie and Ken joke!? That's what they're leading with?" "You're a bit too vertically challenged to be a Barbie, but honestly I'm killing it in the Ken department.." "Jongin, are you actually trying to fight me right now?!" It's really ridiculous!

Other activities: sure, you're a singer and a rapper but dancing is and always will be your number one! It's your passion, it's what you went to school for and it's what you live to do! So when yg suggests that you start trying to broaden your fan base with some type of variety show or competition like 'Hit the Stage' you freaked out! (Girllllllll, so would I!)You were so excited but also very nervous to showcase more of your dancing skills on such a big platform but it turned out to be one of the funnest experiences! You ended up feeling right at home amongst the other dancers, made some new friends, learned more about dance as a craft and even made some new fans! "It was just sooo fun! I was definitely nervous but I pulled though! I knew I had it in me!" "Ohhhh wow, so you're just not going to give me credit at all!? I mean, its not like I went through another dating scandal just to help you practice or anything, right?! How rude of you, midget." "Oh my god, Jongin, I swear I will push you down a flight of stairs..." It was awesome!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

@kbabie heyyyy sooooo yeahhh, thank you so much for your patience! I know it takes me hella long to do idol ships, because I kind of overdo it. But thank you so much for the request, I hope you like it! Please feel free to let me know what you think! 😅

[maximilliandelirium]

somebody out there hates you

a/n: hhhh i wrote this in a pre-nanowrimo mania. wanted to post to ao3 but it’s acting weird so i thought i’d throw it up on the blog for now. notice me senpai fills me with joy, so i was inspired to make *~art~* the setting is anime japan so nothing is accurate and the points don’t matter (pssst! support me on ko-fi!)

Summary: Suzuki joins an anti-cafe out of curiosity and begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Yamato. Suzuki/Yamato (Idol Senpai/Rocker Senpai)

              Suzuki didn’t go online that evening intending to join an anti-Suzuki fan café. He usually didn’t dwell on his haters at all. But tonight, curiosity got the better of him. He’d been trawling the net after a long practice when he stumbled across a link to the anti-site. (Suzuki liked to Google himself; so what?) When he followed it, he realized he couldn’t read any of the message boards without an account.

               That’s a good thing, I guess, he thought. He didn’t really want to see what people were saying about him. He decided to forget about it and do his homework instead.

               At least, that was what he tried to do. He kept thinking about it as he struggled over his assigned reading. What did they talk about? Did they make fun of his hair? His personality? Maybe they picked apart his lyrics. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to know.

               Suzuki tossed his book aside and re-opened his laptop. He hadn’t closed the browser window. The link was still there. Yamato was always telling him to consider his weaknesses so he could improve. This could be beneficial. If Suzuki tried understanding where these people were coming from, he might be able to win them over, or at least get better at what he did.

               It didn’t take much to make an account. He had to create a new email—he didn’t want his regular one linked to the site. After that, he spent half an hour trying to come up with a screen name. It was imperative that no one know who he really was. His usual handle—“SuzuStar”—would give him away like a shot. Suzuki was also disappointed to discover that “YamatoFan#1” was taken. Eventually, he settled on “notafan1234.”

               Never having been on an anti-site before, Suzuki wasn’t sure what to expect. He was surprised by how plain it was. The header image was just the name of the page in bright red letters, along with a picture of his face with a “no” sign superimposed on it. He scrolled through the list of threads.

               Break Suzuki’s new MV!

               New Anti-Suzuki Memes

               Worst Lyrics Poll (CLOSED)

               Suzuki kept scrolling, horrified and fascinated. He found a thread titled “Important question for Yamato fans—should he be friends w/ Suzuki?” He clicked on it. He jumped when he saw the selfie he and Yamato had taken at the school festival. The original poster had written a caption beneath it.

               Ugh. I don’t get why Yamato wastes his time with this guy. They don’t have anything in common.

               A user named MerryPip added, Lol same. Yamato actually has talent.

               Suzuki frowned.

               They probably just hang out because they go to the same school, someone else said. Yamato doesn’t want to be mean.

               Tbh, SuzuYama shippers make me sick.

               Yamato shouldn’t keep feeding them by hanging out with him.

               They only do it for fanservice. I bet it’s in their contracts.

               Suzuki hadn’t been planning on responding to anyone, but the last comment had sent him over the edge. They had no right to question his friendship with Yamato. They didn’t know anything about him. He typed, Maybe Yamato and Suzuki are friends because they get along and like to hang out.

��              A response appeared in no time. As if, Lonelygrrl said. Suzuki is too much of a ditz to get along with Yamato. He totally cramps his style. Yamato is just humoring him because the fans like it.

               Blood rushed to Yamato’s face. His fingers flew to the keys. That’s not true! How do you know Yamato is just pretending? You don’t have any proof. You’re just making stuff up!

               The backlash was swift and immediate. A gallery of photos flooded the thread with red outlines drawn around Yamato’s eyes and mouth, along with whole paragraphs explaining why his smile was faked, or how he couldn’t stand to actually touch Suzuki.

               His hand is just hovering here, Lonelygrrl wrote. All their selfies are faked. Their managers get together and tell them where to go. Like playdates.

               Suzuki slammed the laptop closed. He sat back, fuming. When his head cooled, Suzuki reached for his phone. He wanted to ask Yamato about this. (Yamato was saved in his contacts as “Yama heart eyes emoji, guitar emoji.”)

               Did u know there’s a whole website that hates me? Suzuki texted.

               Yamato answered quickly: No, but I’m not surprised. There’s always haters. You find one?

               Yeah. I made an account.

               WTF why?

               I wanted to see what they were saying.

               Delete it. That’s a waste of time.

               A waste of time. That’s what the anti-fans had said Yamato was doing by being Suzuki’s friend. He wanted to tell Yamato about it. But it had made him nervous. What if they were right? What if Yamato was only pretending to be friends with him? They’d become closer through school performances. Was that the only reason Yamato continued to hang out with him?

               Suzuki texted back: Ur right. They’re just mean.

               Don’t let it get to you. Some people have to be negative for no reason.

               Suzuki put the phone aside. He wouldn’t go back on the site. He’d just forget about it. Yamato was his friend and that was that. It wouldn’t do him any good to second guess it. Suzuki opened the laptop one last time to close the browser. There were a few more replies.

               Jesus, when will trolls learn not to come in here? MerryPip complained. Do. Not. Feed. The. Trolls.

               I’m not a troll, Suzuki thought, closing the window. He would delete the account tomorrow. Right now, he needed to get back to work.

               The next morning was rough. Suzuki hadn’t realized how much time had passed last night while he’d been reading the message boards, and by the time he completed his homework, it was 2AM. He shuffled into class, yawning.

               “Late night?” Reiji asked as Suzuki walked past.

               “It took me two hours to finish the reading.”

               “Me, too!” Takeru said. “And when I finished, it felt like I didn’t understand it at all.” He looked over at Ren. “What did you think?”

               Ren lifted his head slightly. “Huh? I didn’t finish. I fell asleep halfway through.”

               “You’re kidding. We have a quiz on it today.”

               “I can probably get a good enough grade with what I know.”

               Suzuki spotted Yamato sitting on the windowsill. He had his guitar balanced in his lap and he was strumming it idly. The things Suzuki had read last night started to seep into his mind. He pushed them away. I’m not going to think about it.

               “Yama-kun!” Suzuki called.

               Yamato glanced up and smiled. It looked real. Relief washed over Suzuki as he walked over. Yamato continued plucking on the strings.

               “Hey,” he said. “You look beat. What’s up?”

               “I got distracted by the internet last night and did all my homework late.” Suzuki blushed. Yamato liked to tease him for being irresponsible sometimes. “But I did get it done!”

               “Oh yeah. That site you texted me about. I hope you didn’t talk to anyone.”

               Suzuki laughed nervously. “No. Why would I?”

               “They’re trying to get a rise out of people. Starting an argument is just what they want.”

               He laughed again, this time more forced.

               Yamato tilted his head to the side. “You okay?”

               “Yeah. It’s all good.” Suzuki waved a hand. “Let’s stop talking about it. Do you still want to go shopping today after class?”

               “Sure. Just remember to change before we go out. I don’t want to get chased by your crazy fans again.”

               “I wouldn’t forget,” Suzuki said. He winked and stuck his tongue out. “Are you sure you don’t like the exercise?”

               “I’m sure.”

               Yamato met him in front of the school after classes let out. No matter how many times they went out in public together, Yamato never stopped staring at Suzuki’s outfit. Suzuki didn’t understand why he rolled his eyes every time he saw it.

               “What’s the matter? This is what I always wear,” he said.

               “I know. That’s the problem. We’re getting you some new civilian clothes today.” Yamato grabbed the hem of Suzuki’s t-shirt and gave it a tug. “How many of these do you own?”

               “A few.”

               “You’re supposed to be in disguise. Why would you wear a shirt with your own face on it?”

               “Because,” Suzuki said, lifting his index finger, “no one would ever suspect I’d wear my own merchandise. This face distracts them from looking at mine.”

               “If you say so.” Yamato let go.

               They walked into town, then took the train to the best shopping district. Though Yamato and Suzuki bought their clothes at different stores, they agreed that this part of the city had the best shops. The only problem was that it was crowded. Just getting off the train was a nightmare. Suzuki almost lost his hat.

               “Is it just me or are there more people here today than usual?” he asked, squashing it back on his head.

               “I think you’re right. There must be a promotion going on.” Yamato stretched to see over the crowd. “That one you like isn’t as busy. Let’s go to that one first.”

               They pressed through the crowd. Suzuki bumped into a woman carrying a dozen bags and made her drop all of them. He spent a few minutes helping her pick them up while bowing and apologizing. She gave him a dirty look. He wondered if she would’ve been as mad if she knew who he was.

               Or could she be one of the anti-fans?

               Suzuki hadn’t thought about it before, but those names online had real people behind them. They could’ve been from his own school. It was scary to think about. There might be some in this crowd. Suzuki readjusted his mask and sunglasses, making sure his face was completely hidden.

               “Suzu—!” Yamato cut himself off as he came jogging over. They’d gotten separated. “I turned around and you weren’t behind me.”

               “Sorry. It’s hard to stick together in all this.”

               Yamato sighed and looked around. Then he grabbed Suzuki’s hand. “Come on,” he said. “We need to get you a new shirt.”

               The changing room was cold. Suzuki quickly pulled on one of the shirts he’d brought in. It was a purple galaxy print. There were three mirrors placed in the corner of the stall, giving him a rounded view. He was pretty satisfied with his appearance. Suzuki had often been told he had a good face. And his rigorous dance practices kept him in good shape. Yet…

               Earlier, while Yamato was going through leather jackets, Suzuki had pulled up the anti-café on his phone. He needed to know if they knew where he was. His fans tended to track his movements. His haters might do the same thing.

               Though there wasn’t anything about where he physically was, but there was a new thread: “Is Suzuki actually handsome? Yes/No?” He knew he shouldn’t read it. It didn’t matter what a handful of bitter people on the internet thought. But the urge was too strong.

               It’s supposed to be his major selling point, but I’m a girl and I think he’s kind of lame.

               His hair color looks so fake and not in a good way.

               Didn’t he gain weight recently? No one’s gonna stick around if he keeps putting on the pounds XD

               Imo he’s kind of short.

               I’m 178 centimeters! That’s above average! Suzuki was shorter than Yamato, but that didn’t mean he was tiny. He remembered what Yamato had said about not engaging them. He wanted to set them straight.

               The school festival selfie had reappeared. Suzuki had been proud of it at the time. His and Yamato’s costumes were perfectly coordinated, they’d posed in front of the best decorations in the classroom, and they’d gotten a perfect angle. This site didn’t seem to agree.

               Look at this lame-ass Star Sailor costume.

               I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time.

               is it supposed to be funny? Who are they trying to appeal to?

               It had taken every ounce of Suzuki’s self-control not to go off on them. Star Sailor was one of his great loves. It was one of Yamato’s as well. That was the whole reason they had coordinated their cosplays.

               Unable to stomach any more, he had turned off the screen, gathered a few shirts and gone into the dressing room. He examined himself in the mirror. He still looked fine. Suzuki plucked a strand of hair. Was it too yellow?

               He took off the galaxy shirt and pinched his stomach. Suzuki wasn’t as muscular as boys like Makoto or Katsuo, but he had a lithe figure. Nothing seemed to have changed. Sometimes Suzuki’s manager warned him not to indulge his sweet tooth too much. Maybe he should start taking that message more to heart. He felt a pang of loss just considering skipping the cakes at the school’s café.

               Suzuki shook his head. He was letting the anti-site get to him.

               When he emerged from the dressing room, he spotted Yamato coming over, his arms weighed down with jackets and black jeans. He eyed Suzuki’s pile.

               “Did you find anything good?” he asked.

               “I like this one.” Suzuki pointed at the galaxy shirt. “What do you think?”

               Yamato shrugged. “You look good in everything.”

               “Aw, Yama-kun, you’re so sweet!” Suzuki said in an over-the-top cutesy voice. He shimmied his shoulders for extra effect.

               Yamato rolled his eyes and gave Suzuki a light smack on the arm. He disappeared behind the curtain. Suzuki put away the clothes he didn’t want while he waited. He wondered if Yamato had hate sites, too. It didn’t seem possible. Yamato was so handsome and talented; it was hard to imagine a bunch of people getting together just to make fun of him.

               Suzuki pulled out his phone again. He went through his pictures until he found another selfie he’d taken with Yamato. It was from the last time Yamato had hung out at his house. Suzuki hadn’t made it public. He didn’t know why. It was a good picture. There wasn’t anything scandalous or illegal in it.

               He supposed he hadn’t wanted to share it because it felt more personal than the others. They were both in sweatshirts and pajama pants, their faces lit up by the blue light from Suzuki’s TV. Suzuki was leaning heavily on Yamato, who was grinning at the camera. Suzuki was smiling fondly up at Yamato.

               If those jerks online could see this picture, they’d realize Yamato wasn’t faking his feelings of friendship. Suzuki couldn’t post it, though. This picture was just for him and Yamato, no one else. He sighed and closed the photo gallery.

               Yamato came out of the dressing room. “I’m ready if you are,” he said.

               “Are you buying anything?” Suzuki asked as he headed for the counter.

               Yamato shook his head. “I’m going to shop around a bit more. Do you want to get some bubble tea after the next stop?”

               “Only if we go to that one place next to the arcade.”

               “Okay, but you’re not dragging me into another DDR competition.”

               Suzuki put his arm around Yamato’s shoulders. “Come on, you’re not that bad. You almost beat me last time.”

               Yamato shook his head. He copied Suzuki’s gesture, linking them closer together. He gave Suzuki’s back a pat. “I’ll leave the dancing to the trained idol. Some other time. Now go, it’s your turn.” He nudged Suzuki forward.

               Suzuki reluctantly let go of Yamato. He brought his shirts to the girl working the cash register. She smiled at him.

               “You and your friend are cute,” she said as she rung him up.

               “Thanks! I try.”

               She giggled. “Have a nice day.”

               “Did you flirt your way to a discount?” Yamato asked.

               Suzuki’s eyes widened behind his sunglasses. “You can do that?”

               “No, idiot.” Yamato took Suzuki’s hand again. “Maybe you could, but I wouldn’t. I hope she didn’t recognize you.”

               “She didn’t. If she had, she would’ve asked for an autograph.”

               They could never get a seat by the windows, otherwise their combined fans would fill the restaurant. Suzuki was half thankful for the privacy it afforded them, but they had to sit in a dim corner where there wasn’t much space. One of Yamato’s legs rested against one of his own.

               “What kind did you get?” Suzuki asked.

               Yamato glanced up from his phone. “Honeydew. You wanna try it?”

               “Sure.” Suzuki took a sip from Yamato’s bubble tea. They had never worried about germs. The tea was perfectly sweet and mellow. He passed it back, a smile on his lips.

               “You know, that’s the first time you smiled this afternoon,” Yamato said. “It feels like you’ve been gloomy ever since we left school.”

               “Really?” He hadn’t noticed. “I guess I’m just tired. We’re already talking about the next comeback.”

               “They should let you have a break. I’ve been talking to my agency about a vacation.” Yamato lowered his phone and met Suzuki’s eyes. “We could go somewhere. Hawai’i maybe. I’ve always wanted to do a shark tour.”

               Suzuki shuddered. “That’s scary!”

               “They put you in a cage. It’s not dangerous.”

               “You can do that. I want to get a tan.”

               Yamato knocked his leg against Suzuki’s. “But you’d want to go? With me?”

               “Of course.”

               Yamato’s eyes lit up. He smiled. “Awesome. We can get it cleared with your manager. There’s a little while before our next break. We could go then if your team says it’s okay.”

               Hawai’I with Yamato. Suzuki imagined what it might be like. Sun, sand, and the ocean. Swimsuits. Sleeping in. Hawai’ian food. He sighed wistfully. Ever since he had first seen travel programs for it on TV, he’d always wanted to go. The best part might be going with Yamato. They could run around together as much as they wanted. They’d have their own hotel room.

               “Will you ask your manager about it?” Yamato said, pressing Suzuki’s leg again. He was chewing on the corner of his lip.

               “I will. I’ll text her now.” Suzuki fished his phone from his jacket pocket. He braced his leg against Yamato’s. He took comfort in the pressure. Yamato was strong. It felt good to lean on him.

               Some of the other guys invited them to karaoke after school that weekend. It was Hajime’s idea apparently, which meant he’d roped in Soujiro, who was bringing the twins, and so on and so on. Things usually turned out this way. If someone mentioned a party, everyone ended up unofficially invited. Ikemen wasn’t a small school, but word spread quickly, and the upperclassmen were all connected by a web of association.

               Suzuki didn’t remember who specifically asked him and Yamato if they wanted to tag along. It might’ve been Ai. Anyway, they showed up at the karaoke place after everyone else had already arrived thanks to an unexpected fangirl sighting.

               “You guys are late,” Tokiya said.

               “We just got chased halfway across the city,” Yamato said, tossing his jacket onto one of the couches. “Give us a break.”

               Suzuki removed his mask, sunglasses, and hat. He took stock of the group. Ai had brought Tokiya and Ryuu, but Kurou was nowhere to be seen, meaning there’d be a fight later. (Ryuu and Tokiya always fought.) Soujiro and the twins were there, wearing casual clothes for once. Yuu and Baa had shown up as well. Suzuki would never get over the goat head. Takeru was there, probably having heard about the outing through word of mouth.

               “Sorry, we ordered food without you,” he said.

               “It’s fine. We can get something later.”

               Suzuki settled in beside Yamato. He had asked his manager about the vacation. She hadn’t gotten back to him yet. He was starting to get nervous. Running from their fans earlier had only made Suzuki want it more. After this comeback. If the single does well, then I earned it. She can’t say no.

               The other third-years had already lined up a decent list of songs. They must have been feeling nostalgic, since most of the music was from the 80s and 90s. Takeru, being Takeru, shared some of his food with Yamato and Suzuki while Hajime launched into a heart-felt ballad at the top of his lungs.

               It was times like these that made Suzuki wish he wasn’t an idol. Being a senior in high school wasn’t easy, but there was so much more freedom. You definitely didn’t get hate comments. You could hang out with whoever you wanted. You didn’t get chased when you went outside. He could never just quit though. He loved music. He loved performing. But it was nice to just be with friends and not on a stage.

               Yamato nudged him with his elbow. “Are you going to sing?”

               “Obviously!” Suzuki hopped up. “I wonder if they have one of your songs on the machine.”

               “Ooh, do it!” Ai said.

               Yamato looked embarrassed. “Come on…”

               “What?” Suzuki scrolled through the song list. “Are you scared I’m gonna ruin it? I’ll let you cover one of mine?”

               “You should do a duet,” Hajime said. “Give us the collab everyone’s been waiting for!”

               Takeru nodded in agreement and Ai applauded. “Yeah!” he said. “Do that!”

               Yamato got up and walked over to the screen, picking up a microphone for himself. “Pick something we both know. One that’s in my range.”

               Suzuki kept scrolling. They had a couple of his songs, as well as a few of Yama’s, but none of them were duets. Then he spotted something. He let out a cry of excitement.

               “Yama! The Star Sailor duet! From the musical.” He grabbed Yamato’s upper arm and squeezed it insistently. “Remember? The part where Selena hears Damian join her from offstage, and then he comes down from the ceiling?” He shook Yamato’s arm for emphasis. “Let’s do this one. Please?”

               “Wait, you’ve seen the Star Sailor musical?” Ryuu asked with a smirk.

               Yamato blushed. “It’s good,” he muttered. To Suzuki, he said, “You really want to do this one? It’s kind of…”

               “I know all the words,” Suzuki said proudly. “I could sing it without looking at the screen.”

               Yamato still looked hesitant. An upsetting thought reared its ugly head. Suzuki remembered the discussion in the anti-café, about their Star Sailor cosplay. I stg Suzuki drags Yamato into his weird interests all the time. Suzuki’s heart sank. What if Yama really was only going along with it to humor him? Liking a sparkly and romantic mahou shojo wasn’t Yamato’s style. And he probably hadn’t wanted to broadcast any interest in it.

               “Um, we don’t have to,” Suzuki said. He reached out to scroll down the list again. “There’s probably another song we can both sing in here.”

               “No,” Yamato blurted, color still high in his cheeks. “I want to do this one.”

               “Are you sure?”

               Yamato nodded. “You can have Selena’s part. The notes are too high for me.”

               Relief washed over Suzuki. He might be humoring you again, a mean voice whispered in the back of his head. He tried to ignore it. As long as he got to sing with Yamato, he didn’t really care. He pressed play.

               They might have been in a random karaoke room, surrounded by classmates, but Suzuki poured his heart into the performance. He loved the Star Sailor musical. He thought it was hopelessly romantic. Especially the part where Damian appeared. Suzuki started the duet and Yamato jumped in after a few bars. His voice was perfect for the song. It was like he really was Damian.

               If Yamato had seemed uncomfortable before, he had shaken it off. He sang with confidence, turning to face Suzuki and holding out his hand. A thrill went through Suzuki as he took it. Yamato even twirled him under his arm. They could have been onstage. Suzuki had no trouble imagining Yamato in the top hat and mask (seeing as he’d worn the costume before). He also had no trouble seeing why Yamato’s fans left strings of hearts in the comments on his selfie posts.

               Suzuki was starting to feel lightheaded. It might’ve been because the room was hot, or all his breath was going into the duet, but at the same time, he knew that wasn’t the real reason. Yamato drew him in a step closer. They were reaching the end of the song.

               In the musical, Selena and Damian ended their duet by putting their foreheads together, eyes closed. Then, just before the stage lights dimmed, they would kiss. It was cheated, covered by strategic hand placement, but Suzuki squealed every time. Now, as his head came to rest against Yamato’s, he had a crazy idea.

               What if Yamato kissed him?

               Suzuki’s heart started to pound. Yamato’s face was so close to his. It would take just a tiny movement for their lips to touch. Even though the actors usually closed their eyes, Yamato was looking straight at him, and Suzuki couldn’t tear his gaze away. He’d forgotten everyone in the room. They might as well have been alone.

               Then, the last note of the song faded. Yamato stepped back. Suzuki released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Yamato’s hand was still in his. Suzuki was shaking. All around them, the other third-years applauded. Someone whistled.

               Suzuki came back to himself just in time. He raised his and Yama’s hands between them and swept into a low bow. “Thank you, thank you,” he said. “We’ll be here all week.”

               “You guys were great!” Tokiya said. “It was just like seeing the actual musical. Right, Ryuu?”

               Ryuu shrugged. “Don’t ask me. I’ve never watched Star Sailor live.”

               “Oh really? Then what was that about telling Kurou how much you liked the actress that played Queen Pyrite?”

               Ryuu’s mouth opened and shut indignantly. He turned away to hide the blush that had spread across his face. “Shut up, Tokiya.”

               Yamato insisted on walking Suzuki home. None of their fans appeared, so it was an uneventful journey, but Suzuki’s heart hadn’t stopped racing. Yamato was at his side, keeping pace and chatting about his plans for a new song. Suzuki only half-registered the words he was saying. The rest of his mind was occupied with the ups and downs of his voice, his smile, the way the streetlights made his hair glow.

               Suzuki remembered how Yamato had held his hand earlier and while they were shopping and wished Yamato would do it again. It had felt nice. He was tempted to bridge the distance between them, to reach out and mesh their fingers. Suzuki put his hands in his pockets instead.

               Could friends hold hands whenever? He didn’t think there was anything weird about it, but most of the people he saw holding hands were couples. He could ask Yamato, but that seemed awkward. Why was he even getting the urge to hold hands in the first place?

               “Suzuki?” Yamato had somehow ended up behind him. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Isn’t this your place?”

               Suzuki looked back. He’d kept walking past his house. “Oh,” he said, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry, I was distracted. Thinking about stuff.” He jogged back.

               “You’re such an airhead,” Yamato said warmly. He ground his knuckles against the sides of Suzuki’s head, not hard enough to hurt. “What would you do without me?”

               Suzuki laughed, swatting Yamato’s hands away. “Mean! That’s it, we’re rivals now.”

               Yamato smirked. “I couldn’t be your rival. I’d crush you, and I don’t have the heart to do that. It’d be like kicking a puppy.”

               “Woof!” Suzuki’s chest grew arm as Yamato burst into a fit of giggles.

               Yamato took off his cap and mussed his hair. “Go on, your mom’s probably worried you got kidnapped by a crazy fan.”

               “Text me when you get home,” Suzuki said.

               “Will do. See you at school.”

               Suzuki watched Yamato go until he vanished around a street corner.

               Yamato texted him about twenty minutes later to let him know he’d arrived home safely. Suzuki tried to do his homework, but his thoughts were a jumble. He couldn’t concentrate. After an hour of struggling, he took a bath and changed for bed. If he couldn’t do his homework, he’d go to sleep now and wake up early to finish. And yet…

               Suzuki lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. What had happened tonight was different from how things usually went between him and Yamato. He remembered the light, fluttery feeling in his chest when Yamato had held his hand, and how it had doubled when their foreheads were together. He remembered looking into Yamato’s eyes as they’d sung the Star Sailor duet at the karaoke place.

               Friends didn’t react that way. Suzuki knew that. A friend didn’t set your heart racing just by touching you. They didn’t spawn butterflies in your stomach. Suzuki was starting to tremble just thinking about it. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

               If he was being honest with himself, he had imagined kissing Yamato before. It was impossible not to. There was a whole legion of fans who thought they should be a couple. Suzuki had never missed an opportunity to please them. He thought it was actually rather sweet. Yamato had laughed at first, but in general had approached the whole thing with good humor. With that sort of thing going on, it was hard not to imagine what it might be like if they actually were together.

               Yamato seemed like he’d be a good kisser. He’d probably kissed lots of girls. Had he ever kissed another boy before? Probably not. Suzuki touched his lips. He had faked kisses with girls for MVs, but had never done it seriously. Yamato might laugh at his inexperience.

               But he might also smile as he kissed him. He might hold Suzuki to him in a firm embrace, stroking his hair. He might also push Suzuki against a wall and kiss him fiercely, channeling the energy of his music into Suzuki until they were both breathless.

               Suzuki opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d closed them. He took a deep breath in, then let it out. His imagination usually didn’t go that far. Suzuki felt a little uncomfortable. It was probably wrong for him to think of Yamato like that, but now that he’d started he couldn’t stop.

               He pictured being able to hold hands with Yamato all the time, not just in a crowd, kisses before class, cuddling with each other while they watched movies… His heart surged. The thought of being with Yamato as more than a friend had made him so happy he couldn’t want anything else.

               Suzuki wasn’t stupid. Maybe somewhat naive at times, but not stupid. He knew what he was experiencing. He loved Yamato. He had been loving Yamato for a long time now. Why shouldn’t he? Yamato was so artistic and brilliant and kind. It was just now occurring to him that his feelings ran over the edges of platonic affection into something else.

               At the same time, Suzuki knew he couldn’t tell him. Yamato couldn’t possibly return his feelings. Even if he did, they couldn’t date without it being plastered over every magazine cover and celebrity news website. He thought of the message boards on the anti-Suzuki site. Those people would riot if Suzuki even hinted at the idea of loving Yamato. They might even go so far as to threaten him. And, worst of all, what if they were right? What if Yamato was only his friend because he had to be?

               Suzuki didn’t want to believe it. He refused to. But the seeds of doubt had been sown. If he confessed to Yamato, and what those people online said was true, then he’d just humiliate himself. They’d never be able to hang out again. Suzuki feared that the most. He’d rather hold these feelings inside rather than run the risk of losing Yamato’s friendship.

               He rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. If he stayed like this long enough, maybe he would smother himself and never have to think of it again. He lifted his head eventually. It got too uncomfortable.

               “I’ll just keep going like everything’s the same,” Suzuki said out loud. “He’ll never find out and we’ll keep being friends. I won’t have to give him up.”

               Still, the resolution filled him with pain. He would never have that relationship with Yamato. It wasn’t going to be easy. Yamato would only have to touch him to send ripples of longing through Suzuki. He would have to train himself not to react, not to reciprocate where it wasn’t wanted.

               He got up and found his MP3 player in his backpack. He put his earbuds in. Suzuki had every single album Yamato had released. He started with the first one, for nostalgia’s sake. As he listened, he imagined Yamato was singing just for him.

               Pretending everything was normal was a lot harder than Suzuki realized. Yamato was everywhere. They were in class together all day, ate together during lunch, and even hung out after school. Suzuki didn’t want to stop hanging out with him; that would just make Yamato suspicious. But it was getting more and more difficult to focus on history and science when they studied together.

               They were at Yamato’s apartment that afternoon. Yamato lived alone, which Suzuki used to think was a good thing, since there was no one to bother them if they decided to stay up all night watching anime. Now, he desperately wished there was someone to ward away his thoughts of kissing Yamato.

               Yamato ran his fingers through his hair. He looked frustrated. “I’m not getting it,” he said. “What about you?”

               Suzuki shook his head. He hadn’t even been trying. The whole study session was turning out to be counterproductive. How do people with crushes survive?

               “Do you want to take a break and play Mario Kart?”

               Suzuki shoved his notebook aside. “Absolutely.”

               Hopefully, a game would keep his mind off of contemplating the feel of Yamato’s lips against his. He settled into Yamato’s couch, controller in hand. They weren’t competitive with each other in any area except Mario Kart. Soon, he’d want to strangle Yamato instead of make-out with him.

               The plan worked, for a little while. Suzuki got swept up in the races, he and Yamato resorting to cheating by bumping into each other in real life and trying to wrestle the controllers out of each other’s hands. It was just like how things had been before. Suzuki relaxed.

               However, things took a turn when Yamato hit him with a shell, right before Suzuki was about to win Rainbow Road. Bowser dashed across the finish line while Princess Peach was still spinning out. Suzuki threw down his controller and started pummeling Yamato lightly with his fists.

               “I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!”

               “I’m just playing the game,” Yamato laughed.

               “That was my win, you cheater!”

               “Shells are a part of the game. You hit me with a blue shell a couple tracks ago. How is this any different?” Yamato grabbed Suzuki’s wrists. “You still got second place.”

               “I should’ve been first,” Suzuki said. “I did the shortcut and everything.” He struggled against Yamato’s hold. “Let me go. I’m not done beating you up.”

               Yamato pushed him backwards, pinning him to the couch. He hovered over Suzuki. “Oh yeah? I’d like to see you try. When you were hitting me, it felt like being stung by a mosquito.”

               Suzuki went red. He tried to break free, but Yamato was strong. He went redder as he became more aware of their position. What was this, a scene out of a shojo manga?

               “Okay, okay,” he said hastily. “You win. Fair and square. Can you get off me?”

               Yamato let go. He leaned back. Suzuki lay there for a second longer, trying to catch his breath. Had he actually been wanting Yamato to kiss him like that? To just lean down and…

               Suzuki shook his head. He had to get out of here before he did something stupid. He sat up. “Um, I should probably head home. I promised Mom I’d eat dinner with her tonight. She says she barely gets to see me.”

               “Oh.” Yamato sounded disappointed. “It’s still early.”

               Suzuki coughed. “Yeah. I said I’d help her cook, too.”

               “Alright. I’ll walk you.” Yamato started to get up.

               “Ah, no thanks!” Suzuki squeaked. He winced at the sound of his own voice. What was wrong with him? “I can make it on my own. I have my disguise and everything.”

               “Are you sure?”

               Suzuki nodded. He gathered his notebook and school things as quickly as possible. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow! Good luck on the physics homework.”

               Yamato followed him to the door. “Text me when you get home?”

               “Sure!” Suzuki chirped (too brightly, he realized). Then, before he could embarrass himself any further, he rushed out the door.

               Suzuki made good on his word to help his mother make dinner. She’d been surprised to see him home so early, but glad to spend time with him as well. Suzuki’s schedule was so hectic that they rarely ate dinner together, let alone cooked together. He wasn’t as good as Souma in the kitchen, but he managed.

               A part of him wanted to tell her about Yamato. He had a good opportunity to when she asked how he was doing. In the end, he said Yamato was doing fine and left it at that. He didn’t want to bother his mom with that kind of thing. (Truth be told, he was embarrassed to mention having a crush in the first place.)

               After dinner, he holed himself up in his room. Suzuki knew it was the last thing he needed right now, but he logged back onto the anti-café. No one had banned him yet. Suzuki hadn’t commented since that first time, so they’d probably forgotten he was there.

               It was full of the usual hatred and vitriol. Suzuki picked a thread railing against his and Yamato’s relationship. He scrolled through it for a while, his heart sinking lower and lower until it reached the Earth’s core. They despised the idea of him and Yamato together, whether they were friends or dating.

               It can never happen, Suzuki thought. His fans might turn on him.

               Suzuki finally closed the thread. Then, because he had no one else to turn to, he texted Jae. Jae was currently in South Korea, visiting family and the other members of his group. Suzuki hoped he wasn’t too busy.

               Hey sunbae, Suzuki wrote, do you ever get hate comments?

               It didn’t take long for Jae to text back. oh totally. happens all the time.

               How do you deal with them?

               i try to ignore it. block out the haters

               It was good advice. A no-brainer, honestly, if only Suzuki could follow it. have you ever found a whole site that hates you? an anti café?

               man don’t tell me you have one of those. you’re a ray of sunshine! how could anyone make a whole anti-café devoted to you?

               Idk either. It’s really been getting me down. What should I do?

               Jae spent a long time typing. Suzuki watched the little ellipses dance while he waited. Eventually, Jae wrote back, you can always block the site or their comments. it’s nothing to be ashamed of. you don’t owe them anything tbh. if they’re not actually sending you constructive criticism, if all they’re doing is trying to tear you down, then kick ‘em to the curb ㅋㅋㅋ seriously tho, don’t read that stuff. it breaks my heart that anyone could be so mean to my hoobae

               T^T you’re the best jae-sunbae, Suzuki replied.

               i try 😉 is there anything else i can help with?

               Suzuki hesitated. He could trust Jae with anything. But could he trust him with this? Maybe if he was vague, Jae wouldn’t realize who Suzuki was talking about. He took a deep breath and wrote, yeah. Have you ever had a crush on someone who’s like, your friend?

               are we talking about yama?

               Suzuki nearly dropped his phone. He typed a response with trembling fingers. Haha nooooooo where did you get that idea? I’m talking hypothetically.

               sure, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), Jae replied. so in this hypothetical situation, is the crusher a j-idol and the crushee a rockstar?

               (^◇^；) no…

               suzuki literally everyone on the planet thinks you guys are dating. even my mom thinks so.

               Suzuki huffed. That doesn’t make it true! he typed. Answer my question: did you ever have a crush on a friend, yes/no?

               Again, it took a while for Jae to reply. yep! didn’t work out but hey! it was someone else in the music scene. you know how it is. not that you should get discouraged! you and yamato would be super cute together.

               Suzuki blushed. He thought for a while about what he should say. He typed out, do you really think so? what if a lot of people got mad?

               you shouldn’t care about what other people think. it’s your personal life.

               What if, hypothetically, it’s just one-sided and I ruin our whole friendship?

               i doubt it would ruin your friendship, Jae wrote. i’m 99.9% sure yama likes you. have you seen how he looks in your selfies? heart eyes <3

               Suzuki’s blush deepened. No way. Jae was just trying to make him feel better. Then again, the duet in the karaoke room gave him a sliver of hope. But that was a performance. They were acting like Damian and Selena.

               What about the other 1%? Suzuki wrote.

               you doubt my judgment?? look, even if he doesn’t feel that way about you, your friendship won’t tank just because of a little crush. not if it’s real and i think it is.

               Okay. Thanks again, sunbae <3 I’ll let you get back to whatever you were doing.

               anytime! it’s good to be home, but i miss everyone over there TT take care of yourself!

               Suzuki locked his phone screen and lay down. Talking to Jae had helped, but he still couldn’t bring himself to confess to Yamato. He didn’t understand how Jae could be so confident when his own crush hadn’t worked out. He knew just as well as Suzuki how hard it was for idols to date normally.

               Even if Yamato liked me back, I’d get flayed alive. Probably by my manager, too. His manager still hadn’t given him the green light on the vacation. Suzuki was starting to think that was her way of saying no. It might be better if he didn’t go. Hawai’i was a romantic place, right? What if Suzuki got carried away and blurted his feelings? It would defeat the purpose of a relaxing getaway.

               I should tell Yamato I can’t come with. Suzuki would do it tomorrow, at school. He’d rip the band-aid off, so to speak, and get it over with. Hopefully Yamato wouldn’t be too disappointed.

               Suzuki didn’t get a chance to tell Yamato the next day, because Yamato was suddenly super busy. He was on the phone with someone before class started, and he spent every break scribbling in his notebook. He disappeared during lunch before Suzuki could even ask if they were going to eat together. It wasn’t that strange, really. 3-A was full of students with irregular schedules. For example, Takahiro had taken off for some part-time job earlier.

               However, Yamato wasn’t there the next day either, so Suzuki couldn’t tell him then, either. And then Suzuki had to skip a day to spend it in a recording studio. He considered texting Yamato about it, but he would rather tell him in person. It seemed a bit too important not to discuss face-to-face.

               Suzuki finally got a chance when he and Yamato both arrived late in the school day. He guessed Yamato must have been recording something as well. He was dressed down from his usual leather jacket and had left out a few piercings. He only did that when he had an early morning session.

               “Are you free to walk home today, Yama?” Suzuki asked as they jogged up the stairs to 3-A. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

               “Today’s no good.”

               “What about tomorrow morning?”

               Yamato shook his head. “Busy. Sorry.”

               Suzuki paused. “What’s going on? Are you prepping a new release?”

               Yamato didn’t answer. He just kept going. Suzuki stared at his retreating back. What was the big secret? Yamato usually shared any and all details about his projects. He’d been talking about a new song after karaoke. Were the two related, or was this another thing altogether?

               What if I made him uncomfortable? Suzuki thought, gripped by terror. Or what if Jae was trying to be helpful and told him I have a crush on him? He knew he was jumping to conclusions. Yamato was busy; that was all. Even so, he felt nervous. Why hadn’t Yamato answered him?

               Suzuki investigated Yamato’s fansites. He wasn’t making special appearances anywhere. There were no concert announcements. Not even a rumor of an album release. So what was he doing? He hadn’t walked home with Suzuki or asked him over for a while. They didn’t even have lunch together anymore.

               A sick, heavy dread settled in Suzuki’s stomach as he logged onto the anti-café. It got worse. The café was overjoyed.

               No suzuyama sightings lately! He finally dropped him!

               Heard rumors from school that they’re split up.

               Maybe S*zuki will take a hint and stop clinging to Yamato like a puppy

               It’d be like kicking a puppy. Suzuki’s mouth went dry. He tossed his phone into his backpack. Did Yamato really see him as a dog, stupidly following him everywhere? He’d played along with the joke that time, but now it stung.

               “Romantic troubles?”

               Suzuki jumped a foot. Ai was standing right behind him, his quiver slung across his back. He didn’t wait for an invitation to take the empty seat next to Suzuki. Suzuki had thought he’d been alone in this courtyard, but Ai must have had a tracking device implanted in every boy in school.

               “I’m not having romantic troubles,” Suzuki lied.

               Ai smiled skeptically. “It’s about Yamato, isn’t it?”

               Am I really that obvious? Suzuki’s shoulders sagged. “Not you, too.”

               “What, is it a secret? Even that nice girl at the café knows.”

               Suzuki put his face in his hands. If everyone knew then how could Yamato not? He’s avoiding me, since he realized I’m bad for his image.

               Ai patted his knee. “Cheer up! You could do a lot worse than Yamato.”

               “Not if he hates me!”

               “Why do you think he hates you?”

               “He’s been avoiding me,” Suzuki said. “At first, I thought he was working on something, but he wouldn’t tell me anything about it. And don’t say he’s throwing me a surprise party. My birthday isn’t coming up.”

               “Hmm, that’s tricky.” Ai rubbed his chin. “He usually shares all his projects with you, right? Maybe he’s seeing someone else?”

               Suzuki went cold. He hadn’t considered that possibility. Had Yamato started dating and not told him? No, that couldn’t be. Someone would’ve snapped a picture or started a rumor by now, and the fansites were quiet.

               “No.” He shook his head. “He would’ve told me for sure.”

               Ai shrugged. “Then he’s probably busy. You shouldn’t get too worked up, Suzuki. Guys like him sometimes have trouble communicating their feelings. He might be focusing so hard that he hasn’t had time to tell you about it. Kurou does the same thing. He gets tunnel-vision when he’s working on a play.”

               It made Suzuki feel a little better, but it didn’t inspire confidence. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Yamato was purposefully ducking him.

               “Anyway, I’m meeting Sousuke for an archery showdown,” Ai said, standing up. “He’s going to regret challenging me. Are you going to be okay?”

               Suzuki nodded. “Thanks for the advice, Ai. Good luck.”

               Ai shot him a thumbs-up before he left. Suzuki remained where he was. He didn’t know how long he sat in the courtyard, staring at the flowerbeds. His phone buzzed, snapping him out of it.

               It was Yamato. Suzuki had been expecting his manager. His heart thumped rapidly. He opened the message. Hey Suzuki, can you come to the music room?

               He was torn. Should he go? Yamato had asked him, but what if it was just to say that they shouldn’t hang out anymore. Or worse, that he didn’t return Suzuki’s feelings, which were apparently so obvious that they could be seen from space? Eventually, Suzuki gathered his courage and went to the music room.

               School had finished for the day, so the music room was deserted, except for Yamato and Suzuki. It was quiet. All the clubs were meeting on the other side of Ikemen. Yamato was leaning against the piano, fiddling something. When Suzuki got closer, he realized it was his MP3 player.

               “Hey,” Yamato said. He sounded nervous. “Sorry for ghosting you. I was working on an important project.”

               A bit of relief crept into Suzuki’s veins. “Really? Why didn’t you just say so?”

               Yamato blushed. “Well, uh, it was kind of a surprise. I didn’t know whether it would work out. I, um… here.” He held out the MP3 player. “Listen.”

               Suzuki took it. He put an earbud in. There was only one track on the device, untitled. He hit play. A second later, the sound of Yamato’s voice filled his ears. Yamato’s singing voice was wonderful and familiar, but the backing track didn’t sound like his style at all. It sounded more like Suzuki’s music than his, though there was a hint of Yamato there, too. The more Suzuki listened, the more it grew on him. The lyrics were about stars burning bright for centuries, their light stretching across galaxies long after their death, and gazing at the same sky as someone you loved. A lump formed in his throat.

               “What do you think?” Yamato asked when Suzuki finished.

               “Amazing, like always,” Suzuki said. “Is this going to be on your next album?”

               “Actually…” Yamato scuffed the floor. “I was thinking it could be on yours. I wrote it for you to sing, if you want it. I figured it was the least I could do, after you made me that mixtape for my birthday.”

               Suzuki couldn’t believe it. Yamato had written him a song. Not just one to listen to, but one to sing. The lump in his throat got bigger. “W-what’s the occasion?” he asked, his voice trembling.

               “No reason. I just wanted to do something special, I guess. Do you like it?”

               Suzuki nodded vigorously. He couldn’t speak. Before he could stop himself, tears began to flow down his cheeks. I’m so dumb. I thought he was ditching me this whole time, and he was working on a song. For me. He covered his face, but it didn’t stop the noise from escaping. It was like a dam had burst; all of Suzuki’s feelings rushed out in one go.

               “What are you crying for?” Yamato asked, gently removing Suzuki’s hands from his face.

               Suzuki hiccupped. He was so embarrassed. He hadn’t meant to cry. “I…” he tried to say. “I was afraid you were tired of me.”

               Yamato sighed. “I’m not tired of you, Suzu. Have you been paying attention to what those losers online are saying? I told you they’re full of it. Come here.”

               He folded Suzuki into his arms. Suzuki let out another involuntary sob. He buried his face in Yamato’s shoulder. It was sturdy and strong. His t-shirt was soft. Yamato alternated between patting his back and rubbing circles.

               Eventually, Suzuki cried himself out. He stepped back. Yamato let him go, but he kept his hands on Suzuki’s arms. He was looking at him with concern.

               “Are you okay?”

               Suzuki nodded and sniffed. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want it to get to me, but I guess…”

               “They’re just bitter and pathetic people who have nothing better to do with their time.” Yamato gathered Suzuki’s hands and held them against his chest. “They’re not real. This is. And any fan of mine who talks that way about you isn’t a real fan. If they can’t love you as much as I do, then that’s their problem.”

               Suzuki blinked. He wanted to wipe away a few stray tears, but he didn’t want Yamato to let go of him. “You love me?” he asked, half-stunned.

               The realization seemed to come over Yamato at the exact same moment. A blush covered his cheeks. “Did I say that?”

               “You did.”

               “Well… I mean, of course I do. You’re my best friend.” To Suzuki’s dismay, Yamato dropped his hands. He ran his fingers through his hair, disturbing the spikes. “I thought you already knew that.”

               “I do now.” Suzuki smiled, trying to mask his disappointment. I shouldn’t be disappointed at all. Yamato’s friendship is super important to me, too. “I love you, too.”

               Yamato blushed deeper. “Alright, alright. Let’s not get carried away.”

               Suzuki laughed. This was good. He knew now that Yamato wasn’t going to abandon him. They were still friends. They could continue performing together at school. It would be fun. At least I had a chance to say it to him out loud, even if he doesn’t know how much I really mean it.

               Suzuki blocked the anti-café. He had to stop using it to punish himself. Besides, he couldn’t forgive them for leading him to believe Yamato didn’t care about him. He made sure to delete his account too, just in case the urge overpowered him, and he lifted the block.

               It’s been fun, he thought. He instantly felt better. Things returned to normal. Suzuki approached his manager with Yamato’s song. He leaned heavily on the idea of marketing it as a collaboration and watched as the yen signs appeared in her eyes. After that, she shocked him by giving him permission to go to Hawai’i.

               “If the song does well, we’ll find time for a vacation,” she promised. “I couldn’t answer you before, since there was a lot up in the air, but you deserve some time off.”

               “And I can go with Yamato?”

               “If your schedules line up, I don’t see why not.”

               The next morning, he told Yamato by throwing himself into his arms and shouting, “We’re going to Hawai’i!”

               “Your manager said yes?” Yamato said, brightening.

               Suzuki nodded. “She said that if the collab works out, then I can go with you. As long as we’re free at the same time. Hawai’i, Yama! Hawai’i!”

               Yamato actually swung him around the classroom but stopped short when their homeroom teacher gave them a death-glare. Suzuki let go and jumped back.

               “Oops. Sorry, sensei.”

               “You’d better concentrate on passing your exams before talking about Hawai’i,” the teacher warned. “And don’t do that again. You could’ve knocked over the desks.”

               It didn’t bring Suzuki’s mood down at all. He was walking on air. Later, when his and Yama’s managers called about some kind of music industry party, he agreed to go without hesitation. Yamato was a little more reluctant, but he caved when Suzuki said they could go together.

               All in all, life was good. Suzuki still wanted to kiss Yamato. He still wanted to hug him as tightly as possible and tell him how he felt, but he couldn’t bear to mess everything up. Why sabotage a good thing? Yamato clearly only thought of him as a friend.

               And that was fine. Everything was fine.

               Suzuki enjoyed getting dressed up for public appearances. Yamato didn’t. He always looked uncomfortable in suits. Uncomfortable, yet handsome. Suzuki’s heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

               “I hate ties,” Yamato muttered, playing with the end of his.

               “Then don’t wear one,” Suzuki said. He stepped forward and undid the knot. “It’s a formal party, but no one will care. See, I think you look just fine without it. Undo a couple buttons, and voila! Rock superstar Yamato is red carpet ready!”

               Suzuki might have been mistaken, but Yamato appeared flustered. He turned towards the limousine their managers had arranged to drive them to the event and held open the door for Suzuki.

               “After you,” he said.

               It was after sunset and traffic was bad. Suzuki checked the time. Unless they learned how to teleport, they were going to be late. Oh well, in that case they’d make an even more striking entrance. Suzuki stretched out, putting his feet up on the seat. They were barely moving.

               Yamato, meanwhile, was reading something on his phone. Suzuki didn’t know what it was, but it appeared to be irritating him. He kept frowning. Finally,          Yamato tossed the phone into the corner and folded his arms. He huffed, a deep furrow forming between his eyebrows. Suzuki was torn between laughing at his grumpiness and wanting to comfort him.

               “What’s up, Yama-kun?” Suzuki asked.

               “Oh, it’s…” He stopped, turning pink. “It’s stupid.”

               “You did something stupid?” Suzuki knew he sounded a bit too eager, but he couldn’t help it. He was dying to know.

               Yamato rolled his eyes. “Yes, actually.”

               “Are you going to tell me about it or am I going to have to tickle you for information?” Suzuki wiggled his fingers to demonstrate.

               “Don’t!” Yamato pulled his legs up onto the seat, as if to shield himself from Suzuki’s attack. “Jesus, Suzuki we’re in public.”

               “No, we’re not. The windows are tinted and the partition’s up. Now tell me what made you so mad.”

               Yamato relaxed. He retrieved his phone—which was undamaged—and passed it to Suzuki. Suzuki’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing: an anti-Yamato fansite. For a few seconds, he just stared at it. Then he began to actually process the words he was looking at.

               Yamato’s style totally clashes with Suzuki’s. Don’t know why they’re friends.

               Do u remember when he was talking about how “””fake””” Zuzu is? He said in a press conference that ur not a real artist if u don’t write and produce ur own songs. What a snob. Did he ever apologize for that?

               Suzuki laughed out loud. He glanced at Yamato. “They have a point. Did you ever apologize to me?”

               “It’s not funny.”

               “It is!” Suzuki kept scrolling. “This whole time you were telling me not to pay attention to the haters and you didn’t even follow your own advice. Aww, Yama, don’t feel bad. Wait a minute.”

               There was a new reply to one of the comments by a user named, “st4rpower826.”

               Do you guys ever get tired of talking trash behind the safety of your computer screens? Why don’t you say this stuff to Suzuki’s face and see how he takes it. Last I heard, he and Yamato were still really close. He doesn’t get mad until you insult his friends. If you actually cared about him, you wouldn’t do this.

               It had a bunch of negative replies. Suzuki looked at Yamato again. Yamato was chewing on his lip.

               “Is this you?” Suzuki asked, pointing at the screen.

               “That could be anyone.”

               “It’s you! You made an account!” Suzuki grabbed Yamato’s shoulder and shook it. He was laughing uncontrollably now. “You made an account so you could fight with them! Oh my God. That’s my birthday in your username!”

               Yamato’s ears were growing steadily redder. “You have to make an account to read the message boards,” he muttered. “You know that. Someone was going to come along and tell them off eventually. Might as well be me.”

               “How did you get that username? That’s, like, a prime fandom username. When I went on the anti-Suzuki boards, YamaFan#1 was taken.”

               “No one else spelled with a four for the A.”

               Suzuki was still giggling. He continued scrolling. “How long did you have this?”

               “I went searching for one about me the same night you went on yours. I was curious.” Yamato smiled sheepishly. “I could take all the garbage they spewed about me but when they started throwing you into the mix, I got really upset. So I fought back. Didn’t do much good though.”

               “These people say we’re so different, but we actually have lots in common, huh?”

               “Yeah…”

               “Oh, here’s a familiar one: ‘Suzuki is friends with Yamato for fanservice. Yamato wouldn’t be as popular if people didn’t think he was gay for Suzuki.’ People were saying the same stuff on my anti-site.”

               Yamato’s blush had spread down his neck. “They’re crazy.”

               “I know.” Suzuki turned the screen off. “You shouldn’t get into fights with people online, even if they are being jerks. We know the truth.”

               Yamato nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, it was really stupid, but I started to get scared that they might be right. Just for a second. Seeing all that old stuff I said made me wonder if you were still angry with me, and you were pretending not to hate me for the sake of getting along.”

               “I don’t hate you, Yama.” Suzuki kneaded Yamato’s shoulder. “I’ve always thought you were cool, even when you were criticizing me. I could never hate you. Do you wanna know why?”

               “Sure,” Yamato said, his lips quirking into a smile.

               Suzuki kissed him. His heart was pounding a mile a minute, but he had never felt more sure of anything in his life before. The hand on Yamato’s shoulder was steady. When he pulled away, Yamato was staring at him, his eyes huge.

               “It’s because I love you,” Suzuki said. And because he couldn’t help it, he winked.

               The words were barely out of his mouth before Yamato returned the kiss. It took Suzuki by surprise, almost knocking him backward. He managed to hold himself up by catching hold of Yamato’s other shoulder. The realization that Yamato was kissing him sank in about two seconds later. Suzuki’s imagination had been lacking. Actually kissing Yamato was better than anything he could’ve dreamed up.

               Yamato was holding him, one hand braced against the small of Suzuki’s back, the other cupping his chin. His mouth was soft and smooth and warm. Suzuki tasted a hint of lip balm. He leaned into the kiss, following Yamato’s movements. Then, Yamato pulled Suzuki onto his lap. Both hands slid to Suzuki’s hips.

               “Suzuki,” Yamato breathed.

               “What?”

               “I don’t want to go to this party. Do you?”

               Suzuki didn’t have to think about it. “No.”

               He gave Yamato another lingering kiss as he got off his lap, then went to knock on the partition. It rolled down about halfway. Suzuki held up a hand in apology.

               “Sorry,” he said, “but could you take us back to Yamato’s place?”

               The next morning was strange. After they’d been dropped off at Yamato’s house, he and Suzuki had spent the rest of the night watching movies and making out. When they were too tired to keep their eyes open a second longer, Yamato let Suzuki borrow a t-shirt and pair of pajama pants, and they had fallen asleep in his room.

               Suzuki woke up thinking last night had been a dream. He wasn’t surprised by coming to in Yamato’s room. (They had sleepovers all the time.) What reminded him that it was real was feeling the weight of Yamato’s arm around him. Suzuki bit back a fresh fit of giggles. He couldn’t believe it. He had kissed Yamato last night. Yamato had kissed him back.

               Yamato stirred and lifted his head. It seemed to take him a minute as well. Then he smiled. He kissed Suzuki’s cheek. “Good morning,” he said softly.

               “Good morning,” Suzuki repeated. He wondered if they could get away with staying in bed all day. Their phones had been blowing up all night, to the point where they’d set them to silent and left them in the living room.

               Yamato groped for his alarm clock. “It’s almost noon.”

               “My manager is probably going crazy right now because I didn’t show up.” He laughed at that. She was going to kill him later, but there were other things on his mind right now. “Is there anything important going on today?”

               “No. There’s just you.” Yamato nestled himself against Suzuki again.

               “We can stay in today,” Suzuki suggested. “We’ll play video games and make pancakes.”

               “And make out,” Yamato added. He stuck his tongue out and wiggled it around.

               Suzuki slapped his hand over Yamato’s mouth, laughing helplessly. “Gross! Don’t do that. You’re not a member of KISS.”

               Yamato laughed as well. He let go of Suzuki and rolled out of bed. “Come on. I’ll make you pancakes. I bought blueberries.”

The apartment complex was quiet. Everyone was either sleeping in or out. Suzuki helped Yamato get out the mixing bowl and the skillet. There were, in fact, blueberries in the fridge. (Suzuki may have helped himself to a few before putting some in the batter.) Yamato started a pot of coffee, promising Suzuki that he still had the French vanilla creamer he liked.

               While they were waiting to flip the first pancake, Suzuki decided to bring up the question that had been on his mind since he’d gotten out of bed. “So… are we boyfriends now?”

               To his credit, Yamato wasn’t caught off-guard, though he did hesitate. “I don’t know. I want to be,” he said. “Things are different for us.”

               “I’d be fine dating you in secret. Plenty of celebrities do it.”

               “Me too, but I don’t know how long we could keep it up. There’s a lot of stress involved.” Yamato did the flip. It was clean. He passed the spatula to Suzuki. “It would definitely make some of our fans happy.”

               Suzuki grinned. “Maybe that’s how we should justify it to our managers.”

               “Yikes,” Yamato said. “Honestly, I don’t want to think about it right now. I just want to eat and destroy you at Mario Kart again. We can talk about the serious stuff later.”

               “Can’t you go easy on me?” Suzuki whined. “I’m your boyfriend.”

               “What makes you think I’d go easy on you just because we’re dating now? I never let you win when we were friends and that’s not going to change now.”

               “You’re so mean.” Suzuki pulled his eyelid and stuck out his tongue. “Yama-kun’s a bad boyfriend. I’m gonna tell the whole world, so no one will steal you from me.”

               Yamato laughed. He put an arm around Suzuki’s waist and brought him in for a kiss. “No one could steal me from you,” he said when they separated. “I love you.”

               Suzuki put his head on Yamato’s shoulder. Life was good. The world might as well be limited to this small kitchen. To him and Yamato, and no one else. “Love you, too.”

[taesthetes]

Hey I just need to get something off my chest and idk why I’m dumping this all on u but u seem like the nicest person on tumblr that I know but if ur uncomfortable or anything pls feel free to look over this. Lately I’ve been trying to stay away from bts and the fandom bc I feel like it’s toxic for me. It’s not like where I listen to them and follow them and obsess on a religious level but I feel like I’m more occupied w them than I should be. 1/?

After all they’re all just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, yet we idolize them and depend on them for our happiness. Of course we should support them, but it’s to the point where it’s frickin ridiculous, like nothing exists without bts, u know what I mean? 2/?

And I’m at the point of life where t depends on me to make my own decisions and make choices that will shape my future, and I really don’t want to look back and regret wasting time watching videos and thinking about things that will essentially have no impact on my life. What I like about bts is that they seem to have a deeper motive behind just simple Kpop, but I think I’ve taken that too far to an extent where it’s become my excuse. 3/?

Bts are seven people who have worked hard to deserve recognition and truly deserve it, but they’re also seven men who have separate lives from me that I have nothing to do with. They’re people that I’ve never even met and I don’t know tbh, we only see the filtered and edited sides of them. It just feels wrong to look at the packaged versions of them and expect them to live up to my expectations or fantasies. 4/?

There’s also the aspect that they’re kpop idols, as in regardless of how different and unique they may be, they’re still going to follow the formula and act like idols who are polished and made as perfect as possible. The whole industry is based on us going crazy over their looks and dance and singing and whatever, and it’s so messed up to me that we r supposed to like them for something so superficial and in genuine. 5/?

Idk if I’m making a lot of sense rn. I just don’t think it’s right of me to force them into a mold that I’ve created in my mind and then get disappointed when they don’t comply, and expect them to be something different when this whole time, even I’ve been idolizing them based on their appearance and talents. 6/?

And then there’s the fandom, filled with a variety of people from all different backgrounds, races, ages, genders, etc. and while it’s cool to have something in common with someone, I’m just tired of having army be the only thing that defines me. When I meet someone that likes bts, it’s as if I personally don’t matter, like it doesn’t matter if I killed someone as long as I like bts. 7/?

I don’t know how to phrase this … the diversity and tolerance is amazing, but at the same time, I’d like more genuine friendships than fangirling over someone’s biceps and thighs u know. Lately I’ve been kind of falling out of listening to bts and stuff, but I find myself continuously going on social media so I can keep up with them in habit, more than being interested. I deleted Twitter and unfollowed all bts accounts on insta and tumblr, but without it I feel like I’m missing something 8/?

It’s just a cycle of me trying to discipline myself, not being able to do it, and getting sick of myself for being so pathetic. Even with fanfic, ur writing for example is literally better than like an average author, but I feel so stupid to fantasize about someone without even knowing them first. I don’t have a problem with fanfic, it’s more like I have a problem with myself reading fanfics. 9/?

I know most of my problems lie with myself, not bts or the fandom, so that’s why I’ve tried to bottle it up and pass it on but it’s really making me miserable. I know going to a fanfic author who I don’t know personally may not be the best idea, so pls don’t feel pressured by this message to do anything or say something. I think writing out my feelings and venting has made me feel a little better. 10/11

So I’m really really sorry for forcing this on you, and don’t feel obligated to do anything!! Thank u for ur amazing writing like always, and have a restful and amazing day!!! 11/11

hi, honey bee, it’s totally okay to talk to me about anything you want and also, you’re incredibly sweet for thinking that i’m the nicest person on here, thank you :’) but i really understand how you feel towards the whole fandom and bts.

yes, bts are just humans who get tired and lonely and miserable and aren’t perfect, but rather than idolizing them, it’s perfectly okay to like them for who they are as people and for the music they produce. it’s okay to appreciate someone for the work they do, like how we enjoy artwork and appreciate the artist for creating them or how we like the flowers planted in the park and appreciate the gardener for planting them.

i wouldn’t say that my happiness depends completely on them, but they do make up a little part of it because their music makes me happy. and music is supposed to make you feel things. their funny videos can make you happy, and that’s okay, too. i see stanning bts as a hobby i enjoy at times, not as my only source of happiness, because there’s so much more that makes me happy, like flowers, food, art, etc. however, depending on one thing for happiness is unhealthy, so i do agree that an obsession with bts is bad. there’s nothing wrong with supporting them, but yes, having a mindset that only bts exists is unhealthy. i just found this post that better explains how stanning a group is good and bad through the psychological point of view, and it’s pretty interesting! :D

i don’t think you’re wasting time watching videos of them. if they made you happy at the time, if they made you laugh when you were sad, then it was worth it. unless you’re choosing to watch videos 24/7 and neglecting your family, friends, academics, job, health, etc. then i don’t think it’s necessarily bad that you’re watching videos. it’s like watching your favorite tv shows or playing sports. it’s just another hobby. it has an impact on your life because it makes you happier.

i do understand your concern though as you move into a new chapter of your life. personally, i’m not as into them as i once was back in high school anymore. i did spend a good deal of time writing and posting a fic about them once a week. it really changed when i went to college though since my priorities and time commitments changed. i think you might be more occupied with them when there isn’t something else to fill that aspect in your life if that makes sense? i wasn’t particularly academically simulated in high school, so i had a lot of time on my hands even after spending time with friends and doing clubs. i got into kpop because that’s something easily accessible and it’s entertaining. but with the freedom that comes with college and harder classes, my time is filled more with going out with friends, studying, painting, spending time with my roommates, etc. and bts got less of my time.

yes, bts are people with separate lives who you may never meet, but that doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate and like them for what they do. and, they might not show everything about themselves to the public, but we can learn from the good examples they do show, such as their UNICEF work and lyrics that talk about more than just romantic love. i personally think that most of what they show is genuine, but there is a line to be drawn between enjoying the work they do and believing they are gods. but yes, i do get that their personas to the public can be fake, which is a bit /: because yeah, there are people who are in love with them and dedicate their lives to them, but we really don’t know who bts actually are.

i think, rather than idolizing them, it’s better to see them as humans and as people just like us. that tends to take away any fantasies or expectations i have of them. yes, they are kpop idols, and that’s their job. they’re just working to make a living doing what they love. yes, the industry is built upon the fans, but it’s like that with any music artist or celebrity. i think it’s okay to like bts, but not to the point where your love for them surpasses the love you have for people who are actually in your life.

and you’re making sense, don’t worry! i hope my answer makes sense, too. i think every fan goes through where you’re at right now. i had felt that way about bts and exo before, but i moved on from that and now see them as people whom i appreciate. it was just a process for me, but i think it has to do with me filling my time with other things and spending time with people i thought were more important, and my love for kpop is now just something that brightens my day a bit if i ever need it.

some fans can be very… enthusiastic, but that might just be because they don’t have anyone else to talk to about bts. but yes, i get what you’re talking about. sometimes, it’s exhausting to just talk about one thing all the time and be seen as just a bts fan, and not as your own person. but even myself, i think it’s exciting to find someone else that listens to kpop since for me, there aren’t that many people around me who do. but after the initial excitement, i’ve made many friends through our mutual love for bts. as friendships grow, we talk about other interests we have and other things we like, so we don’t always talk about kpop. many of my friendships started from a mutual interest, whether it be bts or art or a mutual dislike for a teacher or class subject haha, but it grows from there as we talk about other things and get to know each other.

it’s fun to have someone to talk about comebacks and mv’s with, but yeah, i get that there’s more to talk about. maybe you can try introducing a new topic? or going out with friends who don’t listen to bts? and hey, we can be friends if you want :D you can talk to me about your day, your favorite foods, your favorite tv shows, any pets if you have them, anything else you want! i haven’t listened to bts for a while now either, i only follow their official account on instagram, and i don’t check my tumblr for days, even months during the school year. i don’t think you have to cut them out entirely to the point where you feel like something is missing. but if you are no longer interested in them, do you have any hobbies you can use to fill up that missing feeling? maybe baking or cooking? drawing? going out with friends?

and you are not pathetic!!! you don’t have to cut off something entirely at once. it takes time, but you’ll get there. and omg alsjdhflaksdhfd thank you for saying that about my writing :’) and there’s nothing wrong with reading fanfiction! please don’t feel bad for reading it. fanfictions are just like any other stories out there, except you already have a face and a name for some characters. i personally don’t read them for the idols featured; i read them because the writing is so much better and there are so many more interesting concepts involved in fics than in books i can get from the library. 

and please don’t keep your feelings bottled up and be miserable ): you can always come talk to me if you ever feel this way. and if you have one, we can swap kakaotalk id’s if you want to talk since it might be easier to text that way :) or you can send in more asks! it’s always good to talk about your feelings, even if it isn’t comfortable at first. even if it’s not me who you talk to in the future, i hope you are able to share your feelings with someone else and not keep everything inside. you deserve to feel happy. and i’m happy to hear that you’re feeling a little better! you’re always welcome to vent into my inbox (or you can direct message me; i have it turned off for those i don’t follow, but if you send me an ask with your url, i can message you first, so we can talk that way, too, if you want!)

you don’t have to apologize; i’m just very glad that you’re feeling at least a little better now! i understand that there’s a struggle that comes when you’re dealing with something that’s been a part of your life for so long. your feelings are valid, and i have definitely felt this way before, and it’s always good to talk it out or have someone listening. and thank you so much for liking and reading my writing, sweetpea 💕 i hope you have a lovely and relaxing day as well! i hope you’re doing good, and you’re still feeling better today, honey bee 🌻💘

[jaeyooniverse]

Fantasy friend here ❤️ hope you're doing alright!

I was working on a personal project 😊 I like to write stories and I've been trying to get some creative work done every day (or at least most days sfdhsjgfshsg)

Ah I'm '98 line! Foiled by the progression of time 😔 but thank you, you seem like a really fun person too and I bet being your sibling would be super cool 💖

I'll definitely keep your recommendations in mind when I'm next choosing what album to listen through! Usually I start considering myself "a fan" of a group once I've seen all their music videos and listened to enough b-sides to make sure I like their music beyond just the title tracks, and have also gotten kind of familiar with the members' personalities - I feel like in k-pop there tends to be so much emphasis placed on knowing about the members that that aspect seems almost as important as the music/performance side of things, which is an interesting phenomenon, but I do think the music is the main draw of a group.

Tbh every Fantasy I know is just constantly 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 when it comes to Youngbin 😂 there's just something so endearing about him... all the members seem like super cool people though, they all have their own special charms! And yeah I think Chani would be really fun to hang out with - there are some idols who I look at and go "I want to be their friend" and at least half of SF9 is on that list lmao

Yeah with less songs I guess you have to stick with a theme, at least to a certain degree. A lot of it depends on the length of the album I think, like with 7 songs you have room for more variety than you would with 4 - that's one reason I like longer albums, there's just more space to include different types of tracks 😌 (except rpm because that album is so well put together!!! there's no need to add on to something that's already perfect)

That's fair lol, I like a wide variety of concepts as well - I love when there are some rock/punk elements added into the music so if they experimented with that I think it would be really cool, and I'd like to see them try a softer concept because I feel like they're versatile enough to pull it off, but I'm not going to nitpick if they decide to just keep doing what they're doing 😄

What would you say your favorite friendship in SF9 is? Are there any members you would like to see work together on a side-project song?

hiii ^^

oh nice! and that sounds like a nice little goal to have everyday. what do you like writing about?

aww man 😭 but hey that means you can have an big sis now 😁😁

that makes sense! i don't think there's any group i stan that i havent seen all the mvs for at least lol but yeah honestly depending on how much music a group has out it could take a while before you listen to everything, and it's not like you have to hear everything to be able to say you like someones music. I dont really get people who say they stan a group but then don't like most of the groups music?? how does that work skhsksh but yeah i think that bridge between casual listening & stanning is getting to know the members. it is an interesting thing, how much the kpop stanning experience revolves around the members being relatable, entertaining, and accessible in some way. maybe thats how it is stanning other music artists too I wouldn't really know since I've only really stanned kpop groups 😅

youngbin is sooo endearing and you see it in pretty much all his interactions with the members and ugh the way he'll smile at them I just 🥺🥺🥺🥺

lolll same I would pretty much hang out with all of them! tho i feel like some members i would be really awkward with if it was just the two of us? 💀💀 unsurprisingly i think the member i'd wanna hang out with the most is jaeyoon skgsksh and youngbin :D

yes exactly my thoughts! like if you have such a short album and the songs don't fit some sort of concept/theme/vibe it just feels like you took a bunch of songs and threw them together, which i dont think is how albums should be.

oohh yes that would be cool to hear! i hope they explore those genres, then! oooh I am curious to see how sf9 would do a soft concept. i feel like the softest thing theyve done was probably for the so beautiful mv and that was so long ago 😂

oohh favorite friendship theres so many 😭 my first thought was youngbin & jaeyoon skgsksh i love them 🥺 but also hwiyoung & chani, hwiyoung & jaeyoon, and inseong & dawon ! oh and taeyang & hwi, taeyang & jaeyoon... there's so many pairings whose interactions i love it's hard to choose lolll do you have a favorite?

i was actually just thinking about this last night! jaeyoon and zuho have already blessed us several times but I kinda want zuho to make a track with dawon 😁😁 what about you?

also i meant to ask, what time zone are you in? i'm in EST 😙

[survivor-tierradelfuego]

Ep. 11: “Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one?” - Aimee

Amy A

Ben ☹️. I didn’t play too well with him and it was such a good blindside I couldn’t resist. I wish him well and I just have a feeling I’m next to go 

Olivia A

Okay umm we got Ben out but it turns out Kalle gave me a real idol? So I feel weird. The reason we began suspecting her of lying was because Hanuha people knew about Maddison’s safety without power advantage and Kalle was literally the only person who could’ve told them. IDK!!

Aimee

I’m just so tired of crying! Sarah tried to video chat and I just couldn’t. No one knew I don’t think that Ben and I were so close. Gaaaaah I’m gonna miss him so much! He just helped me so much to stay sane in this game. The last thing I need is anyone seeing me as a big hot mess. I can’t catch a break. 

Sarah

From two nights ago.... https://youtu.be/uebz8rVKNbg https://youtu.be/xQyiuiGeEpo

Pedro A

when i actually thought i was at the bottom........THERES EVEN A LOWER BOTTOM...THAT IM IN RIGHT NOW......chille ben screwed us BIG TIME....we were in a great spot..i dont even know what to say at this point

Sarah

Wow. Okay. I didn’t want to be a villain but here we are. I will post a video confessional soon but for now, the plan to vote out Ben actually worked. I called Maddison last minute and explained that Ben and Kalle were tight and were all over the place, playing both sides. Maddison found out that Kalle was a rat and was not being completely truthful and we both agreed on voting Kalle or Ben. We agreed on Ben because we thought Kalle was going to play her idol on herself.... turns out Ben was telling the truth in voting out Kalle to old Hanuha and Kalle actually gave Olivia a real idol. More to come... but for now I feel like a villain ahhh. 

Kalle N.

Well I said that my only goal was to make jury and not go to the FTC so it looks like Ben really helped me achieve that. THAT FOOL REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ON HIS WAY OUT THE DOOR. This is fine. I will never let him forget that I've beaten him twice now and that's all that matters. Did not see this tribal coming at all. Can't wait to get voted out next

Najwah

If I learned anything today is that we tend to read in and over think and make up scenarios in our head. Ben was actually on our side all along? Who would have thought. All the bits and pieces he told us today just didn't add up and Cody said he was different and everyone was just quiet and Ben didn't talk in the group, he spoke to people individually. I don't really understand what just happened but we wasted so much energy speculating lmao. And now where the hell do we go from here? Cody has become so paranoid also. The minute Ben told him that those people will be writing his name he became soooo paranoid wtf. Then he WASTED an advantage and idol at tribal? Just bc he still didn't trust the plan. I'm starting to think that Cody just can't trust anyone or any process. I really think he needs to chill more. Be more low key. Just try to be calm. If you get voted out, it's not like you're going to die or something. It's just a game after all. 

Aimee

Apparently tribe was getting too suspicious of how Ben and Kalle were so close. I still don’t get why I had to be left out of the vote though? Why can’t I get the respect to be told what is happening before the vote, so I have time to process my emotions and have my stuff together a little. https://immunityilol.tumblr.com/post/617448854807298048 Instead I get nothing. I get a call from Sarah right after Ben is voted out. Obviously I can’t answer it because I’m crying and no one knew I was super close to Ben. I’m just so angry right now first Grae now Ben! IS MADDISON NEXT!? FUCK! Like Gah I’m afraid to get close to anyone. But I just love getting to know people. I finally got to video chat with Maddison. Fucking loved it! She is great to talk to and great to have on this crazy skype isolation island. I need some interaction and realness right now. Ok I’m totally drinking. It’s hard enough to process all this nonsense sober. We will see what the next day brings. 

Aimee

Sarah I really don’t want us to end up like this Casanova music video. 😢💔 I guess everyone wants to blindside Aimee as a treat. I hope people got their jollies out of it. 🌟 Allie X - Casanova feat VÉRITÉ https://youtu.be/YpVunjboAWg

Sarah

From last night.... https://youtu.be/EirlyVVXDKk

Sarah

Day 21 https://youtu.be/aYiGStuSKDA

Pedro A

Im afraid Kalle will throw me under the bus...just to stay this week cause shes on the bottom....and im also afraid that maddison and olivia will try to convince kalle to vote me out...instead ....since they are coming for me ...GOSHHH..i hate my life...i need immunity...CAN I LIKE HAVE IT?

Pedro A

okay so im excited to see everyone's answers to this challenge...THIS WILL BE INTERESTING...it will reveal a lot of people real thoughts ..IM READY FOR TEAAAA YALL

Najwah

I enjoyed my day today. I think it's the first time I was fully in the real world in 22 days. I'm playing a reckless game right now. There are so many layers in this game but after last night's tribal and learning that Ben was being legit, I just feel bad. I love Cody but he's definitely a loose cannon and can't play low key. Which is definitely bad for my game. He and Sarah are trying to push me into getting Amy on our side, but our relationship just isn't like that. I don't want to make her feel used. I like her. I really like her a lot. I like Sarah too. And Cody. I want to be friends with all these people IRL lol so I don't want to play against them or lie to them. This game just gets harder every time someone gets voted off tbh but I'm at the point where I feel like "if my plan works, then great", "if it doesn't, then whatever. I get to chill on panderosa and get to sleep more and actually spend time with my family and friends who I've been avoiding since this started lmao" Also, I'd be able to work again. I haven't got much work done urgh. I don't know whether my super idol is real. I'm curious to see what tonight's challenge will reveal. I am not going in with any syrategy

Cody wants to go for Kalle and Pedro coz they voted for him? I don't know, I think that's kinda silly and I'm not about revenge. You have to think rationally. And we have made a few irrational choices of late because people read into things. I still wish Ben hadn't told Cody that everyone was voting for him. That's how so much of yesterday's shit started. I have been so tired since yesterday. Tired of the scheming and overthinking and being paranoid over nothing urgh. Aimee also wants to call me after the challenge. I'm kinda scared tbh. I had a dream last night that Aimee killed me lmao this game is haunting me and giving me nightmares. Honestly, I'd be okay if anyone left wins this game. Okay except Kalle. She's the only one I've not interacted with and she just seems dodge idk. Maybe I'm still thinking about Zack's stupid analysis on people. Anyways. 

Najwah

I'm happy for Maddison tbh. She deserved that. I just want to scream about Cody though? Why did Cody chop Aimee? Wtf. And that made Aimee chop Sarah before she chopped Amy or Maddison. I'm so confused. Ugh. 

Maddison

Apparently I don’t know much about this tribe. Yeet!

Pedro A

Villan of the season?....im honored...but bitter jury?...i didnt like that one..lol

Aimee

I chopped Pedro for Grae. 

I chopped Olivia and haha sorry I got so nervous on here that I just chopped the final chop, even though that was savage as hell... I called her a goat and then chopped her right out of the game. Oops hahahahaha. When I watch this challenge back I look like the C word with a capital C.... And that word isn’t “cartwheel.” I chopped Sarah for the Ben blindside. I chopped Amy for my mental health. I can’t lose Maddison! I’m so sick of being tortured that I truly am running out of fucks tbh. Just chop anyone, whatever. Why do I care...

Aimee

Ohhhh Najwah!!!! Don’t worry about not telling me about the vote or accidentally calling me a goat because you didn’t know the meaning. I think I would make a cute goat. https://nunyabizni.tumblr.com/post/615593098008035328 Love that you think I’m actually “the Greatest of All Time.” I adore you and our friendship 💖❤️💞 luv you girl!!! I know you’re truly being genuine unlike others. I’m waiting for this game to tip in our favor so we can run with it. https://youtu.be/TGwZ7MNtBFU This MV is dedicated towards Najwah after Cody swooped in and stole my final 2 with her. No hard feelings; I have my own stuff to sort out after my man Ben was voted out. I’m pretty confident you have a final 2 with Cody and I love that for you. 🧡💛💚 I’m happy y’all got together and are strong with Sarah. But here I am. Do you all think I am just floating over here with no one? Just not playing the game and grazing my grass over here like a “goat?” They really don’t know how close I was with Ben and they got stupid lucky on that one. I’m not as clueless as you all think... it’s in your best interest to reconsider. Also let’s not skip over the fact that Sarah and I both didn’t get an answer on touchy subjects for “who do you trust the most.” Yeah don’t think I didn’t peep that. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Sarah didn’t put me and I didn’t put her. I put Maddison. Cody had 2 votes. Najwah and Sarah put him. I’m not dense. I guess Sarah is cool with being that 3rd wheel. Loving the fact that apparently no one has been seeing me reaching across the aisle for damn DAYS trying to play with Maddison.... oh honey, oh girl...oh no no ... that was just Ben right? Yeah. My final 2 with Ben is gone so I’m rogue and hoping I can get Maddison as far as possible with me. Also! Just letting you all know I’m not a damn chump. It’s SO OBVIOUS that Cody Najwah and Sarah have a fucking secret chat that they’ve been in since the beginning of all time, which included Zack. You’ve heard it here first folks. Oh and I’ve known this for at least a week or two. The tells are so blatant, but catch me pretending to have no idea. I’m not the goat that you think I am, but I would LOVE you to continue to think of me of a goat and forgettable. If you knew what I was doing I wouldn’t be allowed to get to the end. If I’m on any players radars then that means I am doing a bad job. So, I absolutely loved what this challenge revealed. I know way more than people think I know, but I am playing up the ditzy card hardcore. I would much rather prefer to be a stealthy sniper that people think is not playing. Give me a chance to explain my game in the final tribal and you might regret that. I have been doing all the same moves as Ben and same exact strategy.... he gets called a big threat and blindsided and yet here I am with identical strategy and totally left alone and tbh a little disrespected but that works to my advantage. Perception is not reality! This could be everyone’s biggest mistake and I honestly love it. I just want Kalle and Pedro out tbh. I got my big boobs and my positivity. I’m mind strong and I’m ready to get this. Your lady is never giving up. If you blindside me again it better be me that gets voted out. Otherwise you’re all in a world of fucking trouble... https://64.media.tumblr.com/0389c791f095d54973543b32d4414577/984582d2a107588c-89/s540x810/c10ec7b961de2fd3b693a886ea7385b04ed3d653.gifv

Najwah

I am still tired. LOL. Amy L still hasn't replied to me. I think she hates me right now and I burned the bridge with her, which I'm obviously sad about because it's the only bridge I really cared about? Like she's the only person who I was 100% sure about and we've always respected each others allegiance to their alliances. Anyway. What does it matter now? I'm going to let Cody and Sarah make a plan with this tribal scrambling. Oh Cody said the reason he chopped Aimees rope is because he didn't want her to win immunity again lmao so he rather chops someone in his own alliance wtf I can't get over that fatal mistake. That and playing the extra vote and idol😭😭 ugh and I think people assume I am his goat or something lmaooooo I absolutely adore Cody but I really hope he doesn't mess things up for himself. Sarah wants me to get coins for them to buy an immunity idol. Do I really want to waste 5 coins again on someone whose just going to get paranoid and play it? I don't know. I need to think on it. 

Aimee

Welp I finally told my first lie in this game and hopefully it’s not my demise. I guess it’s my turn to be messy. I’m still coping with Ben being gone. 💔😢😫 Why the nut, did I tell Pedro I want him here. It was definitely too much alcohol and worried if he had another idol I would be the throw vote. Welp we will see if he throws that info all over the island. https://64.media.tumblr.com/d9f98e355c7e9229777fa982551cfd7e/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do7_250.gifv https://64.media.tumblr.com/d37a2b6f76f83c1beaca2ca2bac6bb72/tumblr_nr72mkoPHr1rs8h9do3_250.gifv I’ve made peace with it though. This lady ain’t stopping, but if this puts me in jury. I’m honestly excited! I’ll finally get to talk to James, Grae and Ben again! And that makes my heart warm. ♥️ 

Pedro A

I'm probably going home tonight....kinda done with this.....I'm exhausted and emotionally drained from this experience.. I just wanna chill...at the end of the day its either me or kalle....so may the odds be in my favor!!

Najwah

I'm nervous about this vote. Apparently Maddison and co are willing to work with us to get Kalle out. I don't know how legit it is but I'm tired tonight and I just think I should do an early vote before people change their minds. 

Amy A.

So we had the game yesterday and there was a question about ‘closest Ally’ and no one chose me. I’m not really bothered about everyone else except NAJWAH. She didn’t choose me! I was the only one who chose her cos her name came just ONCE. Whoever she ended up choosing as her closest ally didn’t even choose her. It’s made me real life sad because I trusted her so much. Honestly, I didn’t even think twice about putting her name down for closest ally. I haven’t even spoken to anyone about tonight’s vote. Idk who I’m voting for but I know it’s not her cos I promised her that. That’s the only reason. Maybe I’m the one going home. I don’t know. 

Maddison

Let’s hope for a straightforward vote tonight with no unforeseen twists!

Aimee

https://youtu.be/m4Z0RN_KhK0 A flow mobz - thrill over fear (feat. luna blake) Omg I couldn’t sleep last night and I just woke up being bitchy about Pedro. I don’t think he actually has anyone besides maybe Kalle. My walls are up and I just want this vote to work in my favor and be Kalle. I hope there are no hard feelings after this game. I just want to get to know everyone during all this covid madness and have some fun. 🌈

[toxic-suga]

1, 4, 10, 12, and 13 for the BTS ask thing! :)

Sorry sorry sorry this is like a week late but I never got the alert for an ask?? Tumblr why do you do this to me. But yeah, anyway, thank you for asking! So, here we go:

1.My BTS bias

Oh boy okay so like, it’s Yoongi. But it used to be Taehyung. But the 21st Century Girls comeback live stage murdered me and Yoongi shot me his stupid little gummy smile and- well, that’s when I started to stan Yoongi, the little shit. I’m sorry Tae. You’re still my number two. Namjoon is my solid number three, my bronze boy, and the rest- *eyes Hobi and Kookie* alright okay I’m a Bangtan ho but who isn’t alright rip

4. My favourite BTS MV

Oh…oh…shit, okay, well when I first got into BTS I was really in love with Boy In Luv? Tae’s growly voice was nice and it’s just- it’s nice. Then I discovered Save Me so…yeah, Save Me is my favorite. Honorable mentions is the whole I Need U/Run and everything else in that whole concept ‘cause it’s A+++

10. My favourite fandom joke

“My heart- my heart is- oh my god” I don’t know if that qualifies as a ‘fandom joke’ but a lot of my Hobi posts usually have that as a tag because that boy- fucking bias wrecking all my shit I can’t with him. Oh yeah, and the “I’ll sue you Min Yoongi!” that thing, I love it a lot. Congrats to her for getting married recently.

12. My favourite BTS friendship (within the group)

Um…Jungkook and Namjoon? Maybe? I just really love the fact that Kookie idolizes him so much and respects him and that he joined BigHit because of Namjoon and just- *clutches chest* I can’t with them. Jin and Jimin is nice too OH AND JIN AND KOOKIE. Age difference? What age difference? They’re all children. I love OT7 friendship okay, I love them all. Yoongi and Hoseok too- Sope oh my god it’s great and- okay yeah I love them, I love them all.

13. My favourite rapmon quote

*softly* don’t…

I can’t answer this. There’s so many good quotes. Namjoon is- Namjoon is an inspiration alright, he’s my role model, he’s a light in the darkness that you wish upon. But if I had to choose…the only thing coming to mind is during the relatively recent vlive where he was in his Ryan pajamas and he was talking about what his teacher said to him? With the trees and branches?

I had to go look it up and it’s long so bare with me, this is under a read more because it got…hella long:

[in Korean]

“I have a teacher who counsels me and helps me with what I feel. I call him Mr. Ju. I’m not sure if he’s watching this but he always tells me this. I go on and on because I have a lot on my mind. I talk for an hour at the cafe. The teacher listens to my stories, and when I ask, ‘Am I a weirdo? Am I thinking too many useless things?’ Some people say that I have too much on my mind for nothing and some people say that I’m immature, but my teacher told me this. There might be some people like me out there, so let me tell you this too.

“My teacher told me that having so many thoughts at the age of 23 is not weird. Since your thoughts put out branches and it hurts and makes you confused but you’ll be in your 30s one day. My teacher is in his 40s. When you’re in your 30s and 40s the branches will be pruned and become a very large tree. That consoled me a lot although it may not mean anything. I’m sure there are people like me out there. Having a lot on mind and thinking more about everything than others. Thinking that I’m the weird one. I think some of you might be like me. Consider it as branches of your young days, of a young tree. It will be an experience. Of course it will hurt. You’ll have to go through a lot and pruning will hurt. But after time, it will be a great tree. I hope that each of you could be a great tree. Trees have names. I’m not sure if they have meanings as well. As trees have names, I’m sure that you all have great names and meanings. I’d like to say this in English.

[in English]

“Okay, so I saw that there’s no subtitle for this, uh, replay and for the Wings behind I felt really sad about the song. Now I’m saying that, you know there are a lot of people who are watching this V and there are a lot of youth and young people who feel like, ya know, they’re stra– like the song, Am I Wrong, am I… “Am I too thoughtful, or am I having too many thoughts in my mind, too loud of uh, I mean too much chaos in my mind. Is… am I the only person who thinks like this?” Think too many times and again and again…really sometimes this way. And, ya know, but what I could see is that so many people in the word right now feel the same thing. I think that can be named after like ya know chaos or youth or many things. I just want to say that a teacher told me that, uh, you know in your 20s, you have so many thoughts that’s like branches in a tree. If my brain were a tree, there are so many branches. There’s sadness, there’s desperation, devastation…there’s happiness, hope, everything. But, uh, when you get old, it gets cut and, ya know, and when it gets the shape of a tree we have to feel pain and experience many things. For the time. But after that in your 30s and 40s, if you got so many branches in your 20s, and you feel sad and sometimes you get lost, like I said in the song, if you get lost, maybe you, some day you will finally be a really beautiful tree. In your 30s and 40s. I sometimes meet some really good and cool…I don’t know the word, but old people. They’ve got so…they’ve got the attitude, ya know, like they’ve experienced so many things. So…maybe one day we can have that. Some day.”

Okay that’s it. Now, why is this my favorite quote? Short answer, it’s not, but it is a quote that really hit home for me. Long answer…well, like Namjoon said, there are people out there in the word like him that question everything instead of others because, yeah, I’m not the most…thoughtful when it comes to other people but I’m always questioning my place in the universe, what it means to be here, why my actions really matter and if I should even do anything because I’m just an absent speck in the vastness of the universe so why do my actions and achievements really mean anything? It’s a very…existential crisis type of mindset and its…nice, I guess, to see that he has those thoughts to? But then the quote by his teacher is also…I can take solace in it? That yes things are really questionable and unsure right now but that I can look back on it when I’m older from a better place, thing’s like that I guess. I dunno, this got really introspective and deep (as with most things when we bring up any of Namjoon’s speeches, fuck) but shit man, I don’t know. I just love BTS so much and Namjoon…like I said before, Namjoon’s an inspiration. He’s a person worth striving for. Shit I’ve got all teared up I just love that man so much oh my god I should’ve just went with “you got no jams” jokingly like I was gonna in the beginning holy shit man. Also, sorry for taking like a week to respond to this again, I didn’t even notice it in my inbox rip.

[snobmushroom]

K-Pop Tag [100 questions]

Source: beulbangmon

Since English isn't my native language, I may have done mistakes, please be indulgent~

1. Who was the first kpop group you became a fan of? EXO 2. How did you find out about them them? Two friends of mine were always talking about it, so... they gave me some songs to check and here I am. 😁 3. What is the first kpop song you heard? Wolf, from EXO, ad right after, Overdose. I became really interested in K-Pop after watching this MV. 4. Who was your first bias? EXO's Sehun (actually, he was the first I was able to recognize...) 5. Are they still your bias now? Yes, but less. 6. How does your bias rank in your heart? Do you love them more than, say, ice-cream? Huh... higher than ice-cream, surely, but higher than chocolate... I don't know ! 7. How many kpop groups are you a fan of right now? Ok, first of all, what does « being fan » mean ? For me, it means follow a group, learn their names, watch their TV shows, not only listen to their music (the list would be endless)... with that, I'm fan of 13 groups (and interested in so much more!) 8. Who are they? 24K, 2NE1 (well, now it's a bit harder...), B.A.P, Block B, BIGBANG, BLACKPINK, BTS, EXO, GOT7, iKON, NCT, SHINee and Seventeen 9. Which group is your favourite? This question is really hard... Like, really ! It depends on the area, on the shows... I would say BTS... 10. How long have you been a kpop fan? I listen to K-Pop since two years, but I became a hardcore fan since july 2016. 11. Who is your ultimate bias? … I change almost every weeks... I really can't pick one, I don't rank them... 12. Which kpop couples/friendships do you ship the most? I love friendship between all Bangtan members, and I ship Baekyeol or Kaisoo (and Hunhan, before....) 13. Which company is your favourite? I don't really have one, but I really like YG groups and style. 14. In terms of looks, which group is the best? EXO 15. In terms of songs, which group is the best? BTS, 24K and Block B 16. In terms of dance, which group is the best? SHINee... I really enjoy the crazy vibe on their dances... 17. Which group would you prefer to be classmates with in real life? GOT7 18. Which group would you prefer to be drinking buddies with in real life? BIGBANG 19. Which group would you prefer to work with in real life? BTS have many ideas, I think it could be interesting 20. Who would you want as a best friend? BTS's V, cause I have a similar mind, a bit (ok, completely) crazy and out of touch. 21. Who would you want as a brother? Baehyun 22. Who would you want as a sister? I don't know girl's names... 23. Who would you want as a boyfriend/girlfriend? Huh... EXO's Chanyeol or SHINee's Minho 24. Who would you want as a friend with benefits? HAHAHA. Let's check out my bias list... 25. Who would you want as a husband/wife? Huh... No offense, but I'm not really pro-wedding... like, not my style. 26. What is your favourite drama? I didn't watch many... I really love Hwarang, even if it's not ended yet. 27. What is your favourite radio show? Radiostar, this is the only one I know 28. What is your favourite variety show? Weely Idol, and After School Club. 29. Who would you like to see on We Got Married? I don't watch We Got Married 30. Who would you like to see on Running Man? I would like to see EXO again. 31. Who would you like to see on Hello Baby? Don't watch 32. Who would you like to see on Weekly Idol? EXO or BTS (again). 33. Who is your favourite WGM couple? DO NOT WATCH 34. Who is your favourite Running Man member? Yoo JaeSuk 35. Which group did you like best on Hello Baby? DO NOT- 36. Which group do you like best on Weekly Idol? SHINee's episode (october 2016 ? maybe november...) was sooo funny ! 37. What is your all time favourite music video? Huh. That's hard. Fantastic Baby [BIGBANG] was awesome. Blood, Sweat and Tears [BTS] was really beautiful. And, of course, B.A.P's Skydive 'cause it was like a little movie. And all Block B's MV, cause damn, they're f*cking crazy ! 38. What is your all time favourite song?

Huh. Just one ? I can't choose. Here a selection : Nilili Mambo [Block B], HOLUP [BOBBY], FIRE [BTS], Save ME [BTS], Blood, Sweat and Tears [BTS], Run This [EXO], El Dorado [EXO], Miracles in december [EXO], If You [BIGBANG], Of All Days [GD & TOP], Good Boy [GD x Taeyang],  No Jam [GOT7], Mad City [NCT 127], Daddy [PSY] yeah I totally assume, At Dawn [Suga] for the lyrics that I totally understand.

39. What is the last show you watched? Golden Disk Awards, last week end

40. List 5 of your favourite groups and then fill in the questions below about them!  EXO BTS BIGBANG Seventeen NCT

Group 1 - EXO

41. How did you discover them? 

Like I said, I heard about them by a friend. 42. What was the first song that you heard? Wolf 43. What was the first music video that you watched?  Wolf 44. Who was your first bias? Sehun 45. Which is your favourite song? El Dorado and recently, Run This (all the japanese EP was good, tbh) 46. Which is your favourite music video? Coming Over, because I love the aesthetic... Sci-fi aesthetic. Lightsaber, for the same reason (and because the three of them are wonderful af in this MV!) 47. Is your bias the same as of now? Nope. I can't choose one in EXO, but I would say Chanyeol, for his voice and his personnality. I really enjoy Kai's dance, too. 48. Your favourite pairing/friendship? Baekyeol, as a friendship (I don't really ship couples), and after the ISAC... Woozi and Chanyeol (I'm sorry, I laughed so hard when I saw them together...!) 49. Which member is the funniest? Chen. Chen is one of my EXO's bias, by the way. And my favourite singer. 50. What is your favourite show they have guested/starred in? Starshow 360 and, of course, Showtime... 51. What is your favourite album? Love Me Right and Coming Over

Group 2 - BTS

52. How did you discover them?

Huh... Youtube recommendations I suppose. 53. What was the first song that you heard? I really don't remember... Jump ? Or Boy In Luv ? 54. What was the first music video that you watched?  Like 53 55. Who was your first bias? Suga... or Jungkook. I don't remember (once again) 56. Which is your favourite song? Blood, Sweat and Tears... 57. Which is your favourite music video? Blood, Sweat and Tears... 58. Is your bias the same as of now? Nope → V 59. Your favourite pairing/friendship? I don't have one 60. Which member is the funniest? V cause he's not... on the same planet as others Bangtan's members. 61. What is your favourite show they have guested/starred in? Weekly Idol 62. What is your favourite album? Wings

Group 3 - BIGBANG

63. How did you discover them? 

Youtube, when you search fo K-Pop they're almost the first to appear. 64. What was the first song that you heard? Fantastic Baby 65. What was the first music video that you watched?  Fantastic Baby 66. Who was your first bias? G-Dragon 67. Which is your favourite song? If You, FXXT It 68. Which is your favourite music video? Fantastic Baby (and  BANG BANG BANG) 69. Is your bias the same as of now? Nope : T.O.P 70. Your favourite pairing/friendship? Don't have one. But I love how Seungri interact with others (they like him, even if they REALLY don't show it) 71. Which member is the funniest? T.O.P 72. What is your favourite show they have guested/starred in? Happy Together (2015) 73. What is your favourite album?

MADE

Group 4 - Seventeen

74. How did you discover them? 

I heard about them and watched their performance at MelOn Awards 75. What was the first song that you heard? Nice 76. What was the first music video that you watched?  Check In 77. Who was your first bias? Mingyu (I saw him in the public at the MelOn... I watched their performance BECAUSE I saw him. I totally assume that I am like a fly attracted by beautiful visuals). 78. Which is your favourite song? MANSAE and NO FUN 79. Which is your favourite music video? MANSAE, and Boom Boom 80. Is your bias the same as of now? Nope, after watching a few shows, I choose Woozi... 81. Your favourite pairing/friendship? Not decided yet... There is so many of them ! 82. Which member is the funniest? Don't know... Woozi 83. What is your favourite show they have guested/starred in? Their pre-debut show (I don't remember the name) 84. What is your favourite album? Going Seventeen

Group 5 - NCT

85. How did you discover them? 

Memes... yeah... 86. What was the first song that you heard? The 7th sense 87. What was the first music video that you watched?  The 7th sense 88. Who was your first bias? Taeyong 89. Which is your favourite song? Mad City and Paradise 90. Which is your favourite music video? Taste the Feeling (I assume), and their new MV : Limitless. 91. Is your bias the same as of now? Yeah... with Winwin creeping 92. Your favourite pairing/friendship? Don't know 93. Which member is the funniest? Winwin, in his way... 94. What is your favourite show they have guested/starred in? All the NCT Life. They're still rookies, so I think they can improve their « variety sills ». 95. What is your favourite album? NCT127 (I didn't listen to Limitless still)

96. Who is your favourite actor? Don't know them 97. Who is your favourite actress? No, again 98. Do you create any fanwork (art/fiction/ect)? Nope. I'm not that talented ! 99. Favourite korean word? Huh... Don't know... 100. Any cool kpop-related anecdotes to tell? I converted my little sister to K-Pop by teaching her all my bias names and faces... even if she's only 10. niark niark (evil French laugh)

Tadam ! It took me time, but it was really funny to do...

Send me if you do the tag 😉 (well, I’m not a pro of tumblr but MP exists, don’t they ? 😂)

[seoschangbin]

hello!!! nice new icon omg💞gosh i'm sorry your final went terribly): hopefully you did better than expected!!! always remember that as long you did your best thats all that matters🙇🏻‍♀️but only one left!!! you got this rachel😌n hmmm well honestly i chose my major bc it was my last option. i don't really have anything i'm good at n most of the majors at my uni don't appeal to me. i speak spanish n love my language so i thought majoring in it can't be too bad😥wbu? what do you major in? -🎁💫

aah thank u!! i saw felix look all petty nd my brain went: gotta make him my icon 😌 hopefully! not sure when marks are gonna be released but 😭 no one’s fault but mine 😭 but thank u! good luck on ur finals as well! 

do u enjoy ur major at least! :o nd i major in microbiology + immunology! 

omg for real??!!😭💞gosh thats absolutely amazing!!! just makes me even More excited for skzs future!💞my fave skz track, man, the toughest q!😭when i first got into skz i was Obsessed with n/s... n i still LOVE it so i'd have to say its my fave! i really have been loving spread my wings lately too tho😌💗wbu??? n which title do you think is their best? get cool concept, CUTEST! hope we get more of that🥺first music show today!!! hope they get to promote more! yet... i do want em to rest😖-🎁💫 

me too!! i think they helped writing the intros to the albums so its like 😞💕 but me too!! felix always says that he’d become a songwriter if he wasn’t an idol like ! show me songwriter felix! also omg.. n/s is ur fav! i didn’t like it for a while but now im like.. gremlin rap in the word of jo 😌 but i lovee spread my wings as well! my fav is probably voices or you can stay (*basic*) but my fav title is side effects! do u have a fav title? me too... me wanting skz to rest vs. me wanting to see them more 🤙😔

miroh first win chan omg🥺🤲🏼honestly i don't normally like blonde on most idols for some reason (probably bc i'm a mega dark haired enthusiast🥺) but omg it suits chan so well. for sure miss the waves n the soft aussie surfer boy style!!💓hehe definitely agreed with light haired binnie!!! i'm ngl terrified of a possible platinum blonde binnie but idk i feel like he'd pull it off! either way i'm mega biased so i'm sure i'll love it if the day came🙇🏻‍♀️HIS SELFIES THOUGH... how we feeling-🎁💫

me too!! the aussie surfer boy rly just pops in chan 😫 honestly i dont know if he’d pull it off but i wanna SEE he’s cute anyways so 😣😣 his selfies r so cute i wanna cry every time his changbeekies !! 

what brought me into skz...🥺it was truly their music that pulled me in! i've been into kpop since 2016 n ulted another group before n skz just hit really different! when i got into them i got into their music first so when i first listened to them i had no idea how they looked like bc i didn't watch any MVs or anything! until i looked up lyric videos n i saw how sweet they seemed! then i watched some videos of em n they were just so charming! i couldn't resist💞wbu? how did it all begin! -🎁💫

oh which group before skz!! oh CUTE their music rly is what cemented it for me too + they’re so cute and the biggest sweeties 💕 mine was just my tumblr dash freaking about lil aussie felix nd i decided to give their show a go LOL 

gotta get onto this new content!!!😤💞i saw a clip of hyunjin smacking changbin's tush with a hammer on asc n god the way i lost it bc binnie was just sticking it all out with confidence djskjd. i mean embrace your beef my dude!!! n gosh any group with animals is so so so cute, most wholesome concept😭💞eee so you've been here since the beginning! thats so nice hehe, elite stay😌💓n tysm!!! i just have one more final sunday n then another one tuesday n i'm free!😎i hope you've been well!💞 -🎁💫

omg mdfkgj that video was so funny they’re so cute i love changjin 😭 our beefy beefcake.. yea. He! omg i kno!! that would be so wholesome their bunny episode was so cute but skz all seem to rly like dogs/cats so 😣 omg u know this blog was made october 2017 makgkja I CANT BELIEVE I’VE BEEN HERE FOR SO LONG 😭 they’re the first group i’ve been into from the beginning so its :’( so much content being released left n right we’re drowning 

also here are a few qs i've got bc i'm quite curious n a lil nosy!!!🙇🏻‍♀️how did binnie become your bias??? was he always your bias? got any fave binnie moments??? any bias wreckers? always nice to know the bias basics!!! feel free to gush!!!😚💕-🎁💫

hehe bin’s RAP it’s so good he’s prob my fav rapper!! when i heard him doing matroshyka i was Hooked 😭 hbu how did u choose chan as ur bias hehe! + SO Many binnie moments i’ll have to think of a list for next time + my wreckers are felix and hyunjin recently those 3 have the cutest friendship!