#i mean. i already know why its these 3 but thats another rant entirely. in short;

[5-pp-man]

It's probably never addressed in-game seeing as this is a dlc outfit (there might be an interview floating around somewhere that goes more in-depth about the design choices in the sogabe designs, but I haven't found anything so far) but it's pretty obvious that the little bear is meant to be Teddie (if the outfit isn't enough to convince you, it even says マスコット aka mascot in katakana, and well, Teddie is p4's mascot)

But I've been wondering about the other two, at first I dismissed them as just cutesy characters not meant to look like anyone in particular, but well... I looked at some other official art and I'm pretty certain the pink bunny is Nanako and the green frog is Yosuke.

"But Kanji has been shown making bunnies multiple times, why is this one in particular Nanako?" let's compare then, shall we;

On the left, from some p4 the animation art, a pink bunny with purple pants (that doesn't really match anyone besides Kanji himself, since his theme colour is purple), in the middle; Kanji's phone strap in the anime, just a simple pink bunny with no further characteristics. But on the right; a white bunny wearing Nanako's dress with a little pink flower.

"But this bunny is pink, not white! And the flower is white, not pink!"

Behold;

I rest my case.

And now, the frog.

So yeah. mystery-that-nobody-really-cared-about-and-if-they-cared-they-would've-immediately-come-to-the-same-conclusion-as-I-did-without-all-that-extra-research solved!

Though, a new question arises, why these 3?

[tears-of-boredom]

ok im done with the gay cops now cause im getting really sad and jealous of them your honor. i wanna have gay sex with a coworker too. gonna read this book to forget my sadness. im really questioning if its worth the read cause whoever translated it didnt seem to even check for spelling mistakes, and also there was like a pedo in the first 30 pages and it was real gross and i cant tell what youre supposed to think of him. and also the writing style is like an odd 3rd perspective, where sometimes you know the thoughts of people other than the main character, but also in the first chapter literally everything that was described was done through this womans mind. so its real confusing how im supposed to interpret everything. like are the adjectives being used at all objective, or is it skewed by the character we're following. also it has a habit of padding dialogue way too much, to such a point that a whole paragraph can amount to nothing. literally hold on....

yeah, theres one rant, that takes up an entire page, its two people talking, but the subject is brought up from nothing, and has nothing to do with what they were discussing before. and then no one even acknowledges how out of nowhere it came, and instead just move on to another thing.

also, so its a finnish translation of Lynmara and the translator uses both "jazz" and "jats" interchangeably, without any like, reason why. like they mean the same thing but its so confusing when they change the spelling constantly. also "college" ja "yliopisto" seem to be used interchangeably, which confused me at first because i understood them as two different things,, because why else would they be using two different words. but no they're the same thing and the translator just really was not paying attention to what they were doing. i dont recommend getting Tutteli Lindberg as your translator. if they're even alive anymore. because this book is like 50 years old.

hold on ill copy these three word for word

1: "Minä satun tietämään melkoisen paljon nimenomaan tästä aiheesta. Sinä olet kokenut jo muutaman järkytyksen tänä iltana, joten yksi lisää ei enää tunnu liian pahalta, mutta voi saada sinut katsomaan asioita järkevästi. Oikeastaan minä en ole koskaan aikonut kertoa sinulle tästä. Ei tehnyt mieli kertoa, sillä tämä juttu ei mielestäni koskenut sinua. Enkä minä luullut että minun täytyisi, jotta saisin sinut vakuuttuneeksi niin yliopistoon menosta kuin muistakin asioista. Mutta sinä olet itsepäinen ja eräässä mielessä aika tietämätön pikkutyttö. Pakko minun on valistaa sinua."

OH MY GOD JUST FUCKING GET ON WITH IT. the book has already established every single piece of information that this dialogue could've given to you. and i dont know whether to blame the author or the translator.

and 1 and 2 only have a paragraph of text in between them.

2: "Tämä tapahtui kauan sitten. Kaikkien kertomusten pitäisi kai alkaa juuri näin, mutta olisipa siitä kulunut vieläkin pitempi aika, niin että voisin unohtaa kaiken. Vielä nytkin minusta tuntuu mielikuvitukselliselta että sellaista saattoi tapahtua. Jos olisin ollut vanhempi ja kokeneempi, jos olisin osannut laskelmoida, olisin ehkä luullut että kaikki oli jotenkin omaa syytäni. Mutta niin ei ollut."

JUST FUCKING TELL THE STORY OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS PROVIDES NOTHING

theres like 48 words between 2 and 3

3: "Sinät et tiedä mitään isovanhemmistasi - paitsi että he olivat venäläisiä ja jättivät maansa vuonna 1907, asuivat kaksi vuotta pariisissa, missä isoäitisi kuoli, ja että isä ja minä asuimme sen jälkeen parisen vuotta Lontoossa, kunnes isänikin kuoli."

thats somehow only one sentence. also. IF SHE KNOWS ALL OF THAT ALREADY WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TELLING IT TO HER. I GET THAT ITS TO TELL THE READER WHAT INFORMATION THE GIRL HAS BUT DEAR GOD THIS IS LIKE WRITING 101 THIS IS NOT HOW YOU GIVE INFORMATION TO THE READER.

anyways

im gonna atleast hate read this to the end. i also have a pen and im leaving underlinings and comments. such as "aristokraattinen mulkku", "vitun pedo?", "iy?? vitun ällö", "?creep?", and, "mikä vitun räntti toi oli??".

[wtfuggg]

1st?

Writing this for myself. I think. I don't really know what I'm doing starting this; probably the same reason that I've bought 6 journals from Whitcoulls and not once have I made it past 4 entries. I think I love the idea of having my thoughts in one place so I can reflect back and see what I thought at a specific time. Such a shame my memory stretches back to max last weekend.

Like, my memory now is horrifically bad. I don't even recall what I had for lunch yesterday, let along what I did at work today. My grandma had Alzheimers, so maybe it's started making its way down to me. Finger's crossed it isn't but honestly, I wouldn't be surprised, I feel like my dad's side of the genetics (aka my fucked up hairline) is predominent in my make up. Sad right?

Anyways, I wish I could just reflect back on my life and instantly recall what I felt. I wish I could look back in time and remember what I thought when I was in the closet? Or what I felt when my mum passed away? Or when I was in love with my best friend's American flatmate? God I wish I had written down my thoughts more often, time is flying by incredibly fucking fast. And it's scary. And it's daunting. And its all the synonyms of "frightening" you can think of.

Here goes my first entry. Digital this time, so maybe I wont be as ceebs when it comes to this in comparison to when I grab a pen and paper and I feel like I'm in an indie little film x

Bur for real, I wanna start this little blog off with how I'm, feeling right now. Right now is Friday the 15th of September 2023. A week prior to my one year anniversary at work. A year and a month since I've moved to Auckland. 2 years since I graduated uni. 2 years since my mum died. 3 years since covid. God, isn't it weird how you think of time through milestones? Like why can't everyday just be a milestone. I guess its self explanatory - and I guess I'm only frustrated that I can't remember my life.

I'm already ceebs writing this not gonna lie hahahaha, but I'm gonna push through but maybe I break this down into more bit sized chunks. Next one I'll do a piece on how I push people away, maybe sprinkle a little bit of self pity and self loathing into that one xox

Right now, I feel like I'm going through it - but not in the same way that I've gone through it in the past. I think it's some sort of growth, but I couldn't be certain. I really have no idea what I'm feeling. I wish I could say. I mean a few nights ago, I was ranting to my flatmate how I'd wanna go back to Christianity, then the following day I was sending Gavin Caselegno messages asking him for dick pics? Like I cant seem to make my mind up. God it must be so exhausting to be around me. I pity myself. I pity anyone around me to be honest. Don't think anyone should be around me. Why? Cause I'm fucking up and down man, every single day. I could be happy one moment and be depressed as fuck the next. It's a constant cycle of being inconsistent. If it's tiring for me, I can't even begin to imagine what it'd be like for anyone in close proximity to me. Or maybe I'm just overthinking this too much. No one actually cares. Genuinely no one. So maybe I just live my life how I wanna live it lol.

I think it's all catching up to me - being indecisive that is. I feel my entire life has been a mask - I don't really know myself and thats why I cant control my emotions. In fact, for a little while i thought everyone was faking their emotions cause i didnt feel any. Probably up until 2021, I genuinely thought that there was something wrong with me cause I never felt any 'real' emotion. Or If i did, I didn't think they were real, or I didn't have the emotional capacity to rationalise them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I feel all the emotions, but empathy is something I dont think I have.

That's another thing too. I'm so fucking selfish its insane hahahaha, Like I feel like I'm only ever concerned about myself. But so be it, am i right? No one's ever been there for me. Friends drift away, relationships drift away, even family, who i thought would be forever.. also drift away.. how fucking sad hey. Mateeeee honestly now that I'm starting to unpack this I feel like this will take way longer than anticipated lol. maybe this can be my little therapy book x

Kinda tired writing - so maybe i give this up and save it for another time. My flatmates are also watching a fucking show and I can't sleep and its grinding my gears damn. Anyways, okay signing off. Gonna check back in soon x

[thebluespirit83]

debunking pro-snape/anti-james arguments and putting it on the internet because clearly i hate myself. buckle up. this is gonna be a VERY long post. im ready for the amount of hate i will get; im willing to take one for the team. 

1. james forced lily into dating/marrying/etc him 

this literally never happened? because its almost as if lily is her own person who is able to stand up for herself-

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

She turned on her heel and hurried away [from james]. 

-and so she would not allow someone to walk all over her. its almost as if james (canonically) matured as a person, and she appreciated this, realised he was a good person and got feelings for him? because james’ only negative traits were that he was conceited and a show off. people are able to mature and grow from these things! james did this! he did not ‘force’ lily to go out with him!

2. james and the other marauders bullied snape

you know what, i cant even disagree with this one. you’re right - they did bully him. but lets look a little bit at the context. 

sirius and james were both upper class, naive white rich boys. they are idiots. they were both stupid smart teenagers!! they were popular! and while this does not excuse the gross bullying snape was subject to-

Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him

Several people watching laughed; Snape was clearly unpopular ... Snape was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.

-it (unfortunately) makes sense with context. james and sirius also stopped bullying people, and even expressed discomfort/regret with the way they acted-

“I’m not proud of it,” said Sirius quickly.

“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly, “we were all idiots!

[sirius talking to remus] you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes

A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it.

-when they were younger! i’d also like to point out these little lines i noticed when i was finding quotes for my argument which snape stans like to ignore:

James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other

I mean, he [snape] never lost an opportunity to curse James

there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood

wow, look at that. the hate they felt for each other was mutual! snape also jinxed james! but oh wait - james was the one who matured! snape was the one who bullied his son twenty years later because he looked like james! 

3. snape didnt abuse the kids at hogwarts 

here’s a real argument i saw when looking through some pro-snape posts: ‘snape wasn’t an abuser, because abusers don’t let their victims retaliate, but snape did let the kids talk back to him’

what. the. fuck?! 

this is the dictionary.com definition of abuse: ‘to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way’ or ‘to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about’. i’m pretty sure snape did both of these things-

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”

“So,” said Snape, gripping Harry’s arm so tightly Harry’s hand was starting to feel numb.

Snape threw Harry from him with all his might.

[hermione’s teeth]  "I see no difference."

‘Idiot boy!’ snarled Snape [at neville]

-on multiple occasions. i’d also like to remind you guys that neville’s worst fear is SNAPE?! his TEACHER, a figure that is supposed to be there for emotional and educational support is his worst fear in this entire world?! above the woman who drove his parents to insanity? over failure, over his abusive grandmother, over everything? his teacher? and for the pro-snaper that used this quote-

Nearly everyone laughed. Even Neville grinned apologetically.

-to claim that it was a joke, it isn’t a joke. because when snape came out of that cupboard, he was terrified. yes, it’s an embarrassing thing to have as your boggart, but the point is is that it is. he is terrified of that man. 

4. james only joined the order because his wife was a muggleborn and he ‘had to’

this is just factually incorrect. james had been sticking up for muggleborn rights since he was in school, far before he started dating or even became friends with lily: 

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him.

“I’d NEVER call you a - you-know-what!”

so this is literally not true!! plus, at least he did join the order, whatever his reasons where (which were canonically good). snape didnt join the order. snape was friends with someone who suffered discrimination in society, and instead of using his privilege to help her and support her, he joined a group that was set on murdering people like her. when james had a friend who underwent oppression (remus/lycanthropy) you know what he did? he illegally became an animagus. 

5. snape had to be a death eater to survive at hogwarts as he roomed with blood supremacists

this is the shittiest excuse i have ever seen in my entire life. as a poc, this comment really reminds me of the argument ‘i was raised in a racist white household! i cant control my beliefs!’

you can always control your beliefs. i understand not going on big rants about blood inequality in front of a bunch of supremacists, and i understand wanting to blend and fit in (especially because he was unpopular and needed the support the slytherin boys provided), but i will never understand then becoming an active member of the group yourself. he got the dark mark. he helped voldemort. he was a death eater, and a proud one at that! no-one forced him to join. this argument literally makes my blood boil. 

6. snape had a lot of trauma from being raised in an abusive household

okay? so did sirius. so did neville. luna was bullied at school, just like snape. harry lived in an abusive household. did any of those people bully children? did any of those people join a blood supremacist group? and dont get me wrong, im not calling any of these people perfect - they all had a lot of flaws - but none of them hurt another people to the extreme that snape did. 

7. snape saved the trio’s lives many times

this is the absolute bare minimum. ‘oh wow, he didnt let harry die!! what a king! he should be respected and praised! we should excuse all of his other actions because he didnt let people die <3′ 

8. snape is not a perfect person, he also did good that many people overlook

you’re right, snape did do some good things in his life. but unfortunately, for me and many others, doing a couple of good things doesnt excuse all of the shitty, abusive things he did too. we’re not ignoring them - we just dont think they’re good enough reasons to forgive him. 

‘but james and sirius hurt others! you ignore all the bad things they did in favour of the good!’ you do the same thing with snape, first of all. second, they did a lot of good stuff. james’ and sirius’ only crimes were being annoying. for being a bit of a dick, conceited, knew they were hot and were a bit entitled. while these things are annoying as fuck, they were also stupid teens that eventually grew out of their behaviour and became better people. not perfect! better. while snape just stayed bitter at the marauders, long after their deaths, and even took his anger out on an innocent child. 

9. people only hate snape because he was poc and queer coded

as a poc and queer person, please stop. this is a very bad excuse. being poc and queer (which im pretty sure he isnt, but anyway) doesnt excuse you from your actions. plus, a huge amount of harry potter readers are poc and lgbtq. why would they hate snape for those reasons?! 

so thats all i got for today. im not gonna go into a deep snily/jily thing because i literally cannot be bothered. anyway im done. i need to go revise, i’ve already spent long enough on this. 

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

Let’s talk: Vlive Asks and comment/chat discussions

From @cottoncandykings​: Hello! As u probably know jimin just went live recently and again he mentioned mandaggo and discussing about doing it with tae. I just find it so weird though. I mean jimin keeps constantly mentioning it and its not like vminnies were begging or dying for a vmin live everyday even before jimin mentioned it last year. Even now most including myself dont really care that much ofc i m happy if they do one together. But the way jimin keeps mentioning it is so weird. Like surely if he wanted to do it so badly he could have talked to tae privately and arranged it by now. And if tae is the one that doesnt want to do it then idk why jimin is pushing it. But what was really weird to me this time was that he said there were lots of comments about mandaggo yesterday in zoom call and yet they didnt mention it yesterday but suddenly today without prompting he talks about it. I also hope no one spammed the zoom call chat or the vlive chat with requests for vmin live (i didnt see any) bcoz thats just unnecessary and demanding. I hope vminnies wont demand/ ask for another memeber when one of them is live. Its just disrespectful. This turned into a rant sorry. Do you think it was weird too?

Since Admin 2 can’t type their thoughts themselves, I’ll relay their thoughts to you instead, since they had more thoughts/opinions/ideas in regard to this than I do, to be honest.

Admin 2 is sure that there is a good chance that we will get a vmin vlive sometime soon, which I know contradicts their original opinion and post from a few months ago, but there’s a reason for it. During the zoom meeting between BTS and ARMY they noticed something I don’t think anyone else noticed, or at least neither of us has seen any vminnies mention it anywhere, which in conjunction with Jimin’s vlive today and saying how he’d talk to Tae about doing a mandaggo vlive again, as well as another observation a little while ago, leads them to this conclusion.

So, the observation from the zoom meeting. Basically at one point when the question of Jimin doing a vlive arose Tae looks at Jimin and then he nods while smiling which in turn makes Jimin smile as he turns away from Tae and back to face toward the camera before answering the question and saying how he’ll come visit us the next day. Which he did.

Then the other observation from a while ago, this one being from their OT7 vlive celebrating their BBH100 #1 on June 29th where at one point Jimin says something but slips into satoori after which Tae encourages him to say that again but this time in the Seoul accent, so the way they actually should speak, which Jimin says isn’t difficult but he doesn’t actually end up repeating what he said.

And lastly in today’s vlive Jimin mentioned how he’s using satoori quite often but that he isn’t all that good at doing it on command or at teaching it to others, which is something he’d have to do for mandaggo but I’m sure he’d manage just fine if the time came for it.

Based on that Admin 2′s thoughts are basically that Jimin really meant it when he said, last year, that he’ll bring Tae around for a vlive, that it wasn’t a joke or a way to tease us with something he knew he wouldn’t be able to deliver, but rather that up until this point they weren’t quite sure how to do it. Which sounds a bit odd, I know, but what they mean is that if vmin were to just sit down in front of the camera and were supposed to just talk based on what the chat would give them, it would likely just turn out awkward and weird and no one, including them, would really have fun. Even more so when we take into account how idiotic the chat is during regular vlives so now imagine if those two were to do one together that’s just a casual chat. It would likely end up in disaster and honestly I wouldn’t wish it upon them to read all those awful comments that they would likely get, even worse ones than they already get normally, to be honest.

But now that the whole satoori thing was brought up, and Jimin actually mentioned mandaggo and wanting to bring it back after so many years, Admin 2 thinks that they must’ve finally figured out a solution to their problem, if you can call it that. Doing mandaggo would basically mean they would have an activity, something to do similar to how they did those ASMR videos for the Japanese Fan Club which were fun and cute, and so Admin 2 thinks that perhaps chances are we will finally get the vlive we’ve waited for so long (though like many others I’ve long given up the idea).

Another confirmation is that during his vlive today Jimin basically said that he only came by for a little while since they are quite busy and had to soon get ready for work with the other members but that he’ll return in two or three weeks for a more proper, longer, vlive. So, he could’ve treated today’s vlive as the promised one but instead he saw it more as a bridging one between the zoom meeting and the proper vlive he wants to do, so is it the farfetched to think that he had proper plans for a vlive, like doing mandaggo, but it just wouldn’t have worked out time wise today so he moved the actual vlive he wanted to make to a later date?

One last thing (well two actually) that has nothing to do with this question but Admin 2 wanted me to include it anyway is that one, have you noticed how Tae and Jimin were both on weverse around 3 am (until almost 4am (also both of them posting a comment to some post at 03:41 am KST)) one after the other (though with one day of a break in between them) recently and then also two, that Jimin was up until like 6 am (since he posted on weverse around that time) on the 8th and then during the zoom meeting Tae answered a question by saying that he’d been awake until 6 am the previous day (also the 8th) since he wanted to see the sunrise? Which is also something an anon mentioned to us. Curious, isn’t it?

From anon: I request both admins to please post this ask. So jimin wwnt live today and one of the accounts on twt posted a screen cap of them commenting 'touch your hair if vmin is real' in the live chat and jimin's reaction to it. Now idk if it is an edit or real. No matter i just want to say its not ok to bring up ships in front of the members no matter which ship it is. We dont know the reality of their relationship so lets not make them uncomfortable. Its not a joke. Its not funny. Be respectful the members are real people.

(Admin 1 taking over from this point onward) This ask nicely ties into the last one that’ll be further down in this post since they cover a similar issue of sorts. But let’s start with this one asking about, essentially, vlive comments and the things fans ask/comment, which also ties in with the above ask as well.

The thing with the vlive chat, and especially comments/questions that are like anon said, questions or “commands/requests” about touch your hair if XYZ ship is real or cough twice if you love XYZ member or, likewise, comments such as where is XYZ member or what are the other members doing, unfortunately those have been a steady and unchanging part of the vlive chat since basically forever. It’s been an issue on and off with different intensities though I feel like it’s gotten worse again this year. Particularly if we look back at the vlive Tae did with Hobi and Yoongi and how essentially the entire chat was filled with comments related to Xkook and not much else.

If my memory doesn’t fail me we once even had a situation some years ago (2016) where the chat during Hobi’s vlive was so bad, as in so full of questions about that other members instead of him, that you could see he was upset about it and eventually he handed over the vlive to Jimin, whom the chat had requested Hobi to visit, and Hobi just left. And I can’t blame him for it since the chat must’ve made him feel like basically no one cared about him so what was even the point of him being there, right?

Personally I’ve long given up looking at the comments during vlive because they just make me cringe and feel bad for the members, especially when I think back to vlives such as Yoongi’s D2 one last year where he was so excited to talk about the songs and the process of making the mixtape and yet so many of the comments were just unrelated nonsense and annoying request like speak english or can you say my name or say hello in XYZ language. If it makes me question why the people posting those questions are in the chat, why they are fans to begin with, imagine what the members must feel like, how discouraging that must feel like. After all they are musicians and yet so rarely do they get questions about that. Or rather they do get them but they are just drowned out by nonsense. Which is a shame. And also very disrespectful but any attempts that were made to remind people to be respectful, to remember their place as fans, to focus on the member that’s doing the vlive instead of asking about the others, and to keep ships away from the members have failed because some don’t care and will continue to not care.

From anon: what are your opinions on the Qs that were asked during that zoom meeting thing between BTS and ARMY?

Now I’d like to preface my answer to this last question by saying that by no means do my grievances come from a place of jealousy or anything. I’m very happy for all the ARMYs that won their spot, that they got to participate in the event and that BTS got to see ARMYs again even if only on screens and not in person still. No, my issue stems from something completely different, and I don’t want to say that the system chose the wrong people, because that would be mean and also who even knows how the winners were chosen, if it was pure luck or there were some actual criteria that went into the process, but the fact is that only a select 200 ARMYs got that spot out of however many that applied, so basically for some this was a once in a lifetime chance, right, even just getting this close to asking Bangtan a question and have really great chances of having them give you an answer while acknowledging you somewhat instead of just seeing pure words on a screen, you know what I mean?

Now imagine you are one of those 200 ARMYs and you get the chance to fill the chat with questions along with the other 49 participants of your session and you decide that asking questions such as what it’s like for Jimin to work as angel, if Namjoon ever broke a bicycle, or why JK smells the crowns of the other members heads? Or even worse, you decide to ask about JKs shower routine and in which order he washes his body? And sure, the “fault” doesn’t fall completely on the ARMYs alone, after all it’s the members who read out those questions and not some magical off screen entity, and since I wasn’t part of the event I can’t say with a hundred percent certainty that no one asked any “proper” questions, but if those were the questions that ended up being read out loud, is it that hard to guess that likely all the questions looked similarly? 

Which brings me to my main grievance of it all: have you forgotten that you are fans of musicians and not reality TV stars or vloggers/influencers? I know there were likely no rules for what questions you could or couldn’t ask (except for probably ones that were 100% about shipping or far too personal), but really, you get to ask your favorite band a question, something you might never, ever get the chance to do again, and your first thought isn’t to ask about their music but instead about some unimportant nonsense like the angel question or if they differentiate between the clothes they wear at home and those they sleep in? Like sure the angel one was kinda funny, maybe, and Jimin handled it in a cute way, I applaud him for it, but was that really necessary?

I know someone asked JK about Decalcomania, as well as Tae about his mixtape, and Yoongi/Jimin about Tony Montana (season 2), but other than that were there any other questions about their music? Perhaps I’m overthinking things, maybe I’m exaggerating and maybe I’m the only one who sees an issue with this, but if I would’ve won a spot, I’d rather have asked something about their process when writing lyrics or creating beats or how they prepare when learning new choreographies, what it’s like to be on tour (though perhaps that would be a mean question seeing as tours aren’t really something that’ll continue being possible for a while still), you get the point.

It makes me wonder if it was just bad luck or if it had something to do with how old the participants were (I saw some being as young as fifteen), which isn’t to say that teens can’t ask smart questions because they definitely can just like adults can ask stupid ones as well, but somewhere something, in my opinion, just went weirdly. And maybe that was the point of it all, for the event to be casual, funny, lighthearted, but my question then is when is the time for music discussions? For fans to ask those types of questions that actually have something to do with the boys careers? When even journalists aren’t asking them proper questions, ARMYs aren’t either, so what is the point of it all then?

Then again, after the event concluded and Seokjin came onto vlive he seemed so happy and excited, so maybe they had fun (I mean they seemed to have fun) and didn’t mind at all that the questions were lighthearted and silly, maybe I’m the one making mountains out of molehills. I don’t know, but anon wanted to know my thoughts/opinions, and this is them. Once again, I don’t mean to be mean toward the ARMYs that got rightfully in, that won, and I don’t want to insult them for the questions they asked, perhaps I just expected/hoped for something a little different? And perhaps I’m the only one. I don’t know. 

[garrothromeave]

the hell is mystreet season 6??

(warning, long post ahead)

ok so before i start this

1) ive never posted shiiiit on tumblr before so watch me suffer, im just here to talk about stuff that my friends who dont know anything about aphmau have to listen to me rant about for hours on end

2) i havent seen mystreet in like years (except season 3, i watch that frequently since im laurance and shadow knight deprived) so please bear with me because i might be completely wrong on this lol. it’s just like, pointing out things i remember

3) im sure someones already talked about this but who cares

4) im gonna do this stupid thing where i just explain myself a bit at first, if you dont want to read that just skip to the part where you see “the actual thingy:” in bold and italics 

5) mild disclaimer; i am completely aware that jessica is not a professional writer. i know that she did her best to appeal to her fans, and honestly, respect for that. while this post will come off as aggressive and probably look like hate, that’s not my intention in the slightest. it’s just... intense criticism. im sure y’all probably already know that, but yeah, just stating that anyways. i do believe that jess is doing her best, and in no way do i want to dismiss any hard work she’s done. that being said; prepare for a very strongly opinionated post.

haha watch there be 10000+ typos in this making me look like a complete dumbass

ok here we go 

one of the main reasons i stopped watching aphmau back in 2017 was the mess that was season 4. like, in the first few episodes of the emerald secret, i thought “woah!! this is kinda cool, im a sucker for mystery!” because of course i was, it was something new and something exciting. the only problem i had with it at the time was kim, but that’s just because i always found her annoying and out of place. i just didn’t understand why garroth dragged her along and honestly i still don’t to this day BUT, moving on.

anyways, as the season progressed, 13 year old me was of course just “:0!!” the entire time--that is, up until the reveal of the main villain. i remember watching the episode, seeing the reveal of ein, and then stopping. like, just for a quick break, but i was still just overwhelmingly disappointed. like, and this was the time when pdh was airing and ein just got made alpha (i think?) and i had really really liked eins character in pdh. either way, that really sucked and actually opened my eyes to a lot of things.

one of the main things bein’ the fact that this was supposed to be a slice of life kinda series that decided to take a turn to a more edgy kinda approach. which, i guess i regularly wouldnt mind? but seeing as mcd was kinda bein neglected at the time it just didnt sit right with me. BUT WHATEVER, point is i stopped watching mystreet all together at the end of season 4.

like, a whole year later my brother tells me that shit’s getting intense in season 5 + 6 of mystreet, and my brilliant self decided to give it a shot--but i refused to watch all of season 5, so i only stepped in when ein made an appearance. so whenever that was, that’s where i picked up because i didnt care enough to see 

and y’know--i honestly didn’t hate it at first. in fact, i found it oddly cool. it wasn’t enough to get me into aphmau again, but it was enough to where i was intrigued. i dont know why, but i never watched the finale, so i didnt see the ending until just a few weeks ago--but back then, i thought it was neat. looking back on it however... im just so confused. 

side note: only got back into aphmau this time around because of mcd. mainly because like, i adore the first season and the first half of the second season. and being nearly 18 now, im a lot more appreciative of plot and well-written characters n junk. 

the actual thingy:

ok back on track. imma stop spilling out my story of how i got back into aphmau, and lets just skip to what rewatching mcd made me realize of season 6′s plot and shit:

-emmalyn. how the fuck does ghost even remotely exist? if she’s emmalyn as claimed, then why have we already seen emmalyn in the mystreet universe alive? look i get that creators can do whatever they want with their stories but at the same time please provide some sort of explanation good god. and maybe they did and i just havent seen it, so if there is one--let me know. but until that day imma just sit here confused as fuck

-ok so imma just be real, the whole ‘ultima’ thing is just... not great. in my opinion, anyways. like... i saw someone mention this in another post, but if this ultima stuff was like, a really big deal, why isnt it mentioned in mcd? though i suppose since its a curse of sorts, it could be later on past the time period in which mcd takes place--but even then, how did it manage to make its way into aaron’s family bloodline? 

-WHY IS EVERYONE AT STARLIGHT ITS JUST SO CONVINIENT like what happened to this place being the most expensive shit on the planet or whatever, and how the gang happens to run into like, the werewolf trio and blaze and kai and guy and nate all of these people like god damn life doesnt WORK LIKE THAT 

-im sorry but turning people into relics? thats... thats the best you could come up with? plus, like, how does that even work? in mcd it’s established that relics are separate entitles that choose their wielder, based on a ‘personal’ connection (being a descendent of a previous wielder) or if they’re a good match personality and (i think?) moral wise. so the whole turning-people-into-relics doesnt make much sense to be honest. 

-irene really over here using her god powers to only keep her friends alive like god damn not a great god if you ask me 

-can i talk about how incredibly predictable aphmaus death was? like i just kinda sat there waiting for it to happen and when it did i literally went “haha! wonder when she’ll be revived” because god forbid we actually kill off characters 

-when aphmau + demon warlock fought in the irene dimension there was no passage of time whatsoever in the real world whiiiiiiiiich really bothers me because they fought in there for at least a few minutes

-speaking of aphmau and the demon warlocks fight does it bother anyone else that it had to be aaron who took over the fight?? like we get it hes the big protector blah blah blah but god damn it wouldve been cooler if aphmau had fought this battle as her. aaron fighting this battle was so underwhelming

-...love. like, thats the only thing thats needed to break out of a forever potion? love? LIKE YEAH, GOOD GUYS GOTTA WIN SOMEHOW, but its just so cliche and overdoneeee

-oh yeah and also when travis went bonkers and became the demon warlock or whatever, why’d he only take over katelyn and garroth?? like, zane had been influenced by the potions in the past as well? DONT GET ME WRONG--i do love some good brother edge, but uh, the demon warlock was just bein kinda a dumbass by not possessing zane too just sayin’

-can aaron please go to fucking jail for mass murder now like holy shit, he just got sent home on a fuckin boat. also why did blaze forgive him for killing him thats not even remotely realistic. then again, nothing in mystreet has ever been realistic when it comes to characters and motives and personalities, (cough katelyn being actually abusive and travis being an actual pervert) but yknow whatever

-katelyn and kawaii chan literally added nothing to the plot whatsoever. like lets be real, katelyn lost her personality the moment season 5 started and kawaii chan just kinda sits there :I

-ok im sorry this was bound to come up but cmon guys imagine laurances potential if he was in season 6 like god damn this is beyond maddening. AND YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REALLY REALLY COOL PARRALLEL?? IF IT WAS LAURANCE WHO SNAPPED GARROTH OUT OF HIS MIND CONTROL THING, because it would mimic laurance’s speech to get garroth to snap out of his rage in season 1, episode 100 of minecraft diaries. like how fuckin rad would that have been? missed opportunity 

-also?? why does kim/ghost know magicks?? like, if i remember correctly, emmalyn is a scholar--not someone who knew magicks. i mean, i guess research? study?? but its been established that knowing how magicks works =/= being able to use magicks. i dunno, just doesnt seem right i guess. maybe its explained, i wouldnt know (yes i know that makes me look like a dick leave me alone)

-melissa should have stayed dead. LIKE, NO, ITS NOT AS SIMPLE AS “haha it takes more than a few bullets to kill me”??? look ive got nothing wrong with melissa (cough lie cough) but yknow it would have just been cool a character... stay dead? for once? its just too fuckin cliche that shes alive god damn

-can i also just say the only good thing that came out of season 6 was travis’ dads sacrifice like damn that made me actually sad

-howww was lucinda turned into a relic. or yknow, anyone else? like im sure they explain it better in the actual show i just dont remember, but its just that easy? turning anyone into a relic? granted, a normal person wouldnt be able to produce a good relic, but idk man. IM JUST SAYING; that the only really powerful relics that aphmau should have been able to wield is the one that aaron + zane produced because shad relic and esmund relic moment. lucinda isnt even like, connected to a divine warrior. ALSO, another point, if its seriously that powerful of a relic getting one from just a magic user like lucinda, why go through the trouble? i mean i guess ofc youd want the “all powerful” one that the ultima produces but i mean damn whats the point

-ok this is just going to bother me but in one of the episodes (i think might have been in season 5 actually) where that like, guardian dude was chasing aphmau and zane and at one point they split up and the dude just chuckles at zane diverting paths and goes under his breath “youre not the important one here”, suggesting that aphmau somehow is? first of all, id argue that any ro’meave is significantly more important than aphmau was, especially not knowing much about her other than that shes with aaron. i might be missing some bits an pieces, but if i was that dude id forget about aphmau and go after zane 

-killing off derek for shock factor sucked, and i know the moment was supposed to be really sad because like “oh :( aarons dad is sacrificing himself for his son” but lets be real dereks still was a shitty father and i dont think his reasons for doing what he did was very good at all

-less about plot or more like: why the absolute fuck did the gang bring kim along instead of, oh i dont know, a life-long friend? like, laurance or dante maybe?? im sure its explained, i never saw aphmaus year or most of season 5, but god DAMN id hate to be apart of this friend group AND GOD LIKE, imagine reconnecting with an old friend who ends up getting closer to your best friends and taking priority in their lives over you (cough laurance) like god damn lol

-im just going to preface this one with: i dont remember everything that’s happened, so if im wrong i apologize in advance--but (you actually can correct me if im wrong and please do) didnt like, irene reincarnate her friends in order to give them better lives? I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE, ITS JUST WHAT I REMEMBER--however, if im correct, then:

a. why the hell would she bring back someone like zane, or gene, or ivy, etc.

b. why the hell do they all have the same exact names? first and last? again, im aware that the whole mystreet+mcd tie wasn’t originally supposed to be there, but i dont think that means such a coincidence can be excused? its just a bit much if you ask me.

c. why the hell is the fact that (as much as i literally hate this) aaron is a decedent of shad being ignored? like, you’d think that something like this would be something thats actually important, or something the demon warlock couldve taken advantage of. or are we completely erasing every other connections to divine warriors besides aphmau + irene? because even if irene did reincarnate them or do whatever it is she did, does she even have the power to sever the connections between them and their ancestors? my guess is, no.

d. speaking of irene why on earth was aphmau able to talk to/see irene, they’re literally the same person are they not? did she like, fuckin reincarnate herself without actually doing it?? BUT--i will give it to them, the demon warlock did refer to aphmau as something along the lines of being “one of the 3 parts of her broken soul” or something like that. however, my point still remains. also what are the other two did i miss that or is it never explained

now; if irene in fact did not ‘reincarnate’ her friends then please ignore that little bit right there :)

but yes, those are a few of the problems i have with season 6 off the top of my head. i would go into like, season 4 and 5 more as well, but i honestly didnt feel like it. at some point i might go into other things, like how important laurance could have been to the plot of these later seasons, or HELL, even dante. i might also go into what could have made season 4, 5, and 6 actually good--maybe... a rewrite? perhaps? but im getting too far ahead of myself, so i just leave you with this for now.

and i know that as soon as i post this 15 more things are just going to pop into my head BUT im going to try and not edit this post because why stress myself with that even more

anyways thank you for coming to my tedtalk 

[jeagerism]

i think im lost again

+ word count : honestly idek, ill take a guess at maybe nearly 700-800?

+ characters : levi ackerman, armin arlert, mentions of eruri and eremin (armin and levi r not shipped fuck out of here)

+ warnings : season 3 attack on titan spoilers, mentions of death, modern!au, levi is basically a dad without being a dad (does that make him a dilf??), angst i suppose

+ summary : erwin was always good at this, levi thinks. people stuck to him like glue.

+ author's note : this is just a personal modern!au headcanon that i ranted to a friend abt and decided to make it full out

in modern aus i see eren as looking up to levi, bc he ooks up to him in the manga in some ways, levi cares abt his wellbeing n shit

well armin, since he was chosen to live over erwin, he'd look up to erwin in a modern au

and when erwin dies in that au bc ofc he has to die, armin is still a teenager.

i like to think that they all lived in the same town as kids, and erwin always looked out for armin since he had no one else other than his friends. 

he basically lets armin live with him when he's not with eren, who also has no family and sort of couch surfs between jean and sasha - sasha's dad loves eren for whatever reason so he stays there a lot, and welcomes armin and mikasa with him - and so erwin and armin r close

and levi is always around, so he sees armin a lot, even if he takes care of eren more - he lets eren stay at is house on nights when he feels like hes overstayed his welcome at sasha’s.

but levi still cares abt armin bc he sees how erwin cares abt armin and levi is in love with the blond facebook dad

but erwin died when armin is like 15, so he still needs someone to look out for him

and erwin asks levi to do that, bc he trusts him and knows levi would take care of him just like he had  

anyways, he asks levi to take care of him and levi does

but armin is a 15 yr old who just lost yet another person who cares abt him 

and even tho hes grateful that levi cares for him, he misses erwin so much. 

he acts out bc of it bc hes a kid going through trauma and its what kids do. he starts acting even worse than eren and eren is a fucking demon spawn

armin and eren share a room, even tho levi had two empty rooms so they could have their own, and eren has stuff in the other room but armin doesn’t like the dark so eren stays there with him.

and levi isn’t really good at taking care of kids in the traditional way. 

he wakes them up every weekday for school by telling them he'll kick their ass if he has to take them himself - but he'll still drive them when it rains or its cold  

he doesnt really know how to cook bc erwin always did that, but his notes app is full of recipes erwin always recommended that were easy to follow bc he was always worried that levi always ate too much cold leftovers from days before and noodles

armin knows hot to cook pretty well bc erwin taught him but he enjoys laughing at levi failing at cooking simple shit - he burned water somehow

but levi still tries so its fine

he tries letting armin know hes welcome, and that he can ask for whatever he needs

he'll leave him lunch money on the counter

and when he notices armins jackets getting a little too short around the wrist he drops a new one by his lap when he sits on the couch

he pulls the blanket all the way to his chin if he falls asleep on the couch.

he'll mention he's going to get a haircut when he notices armin's hair getting longer, and says he can go with him if he wants

but armin still acts so off. 

before erwin was gone, armin always acted happy, even though he never had much, and levi feels guilty knowing he cant do what erwin did for him, but he's doing this for erwin, and knows erwin wouldnt have put armin in his care in the first place if he didn’t trust him

i see taking care of armin as the task that keeps levi going, just like how killing zeke is what keeps him alive in the anime.

both promises he makes to erwin and wont give up on until he’s fulfilled it

but one day armin just disappears. he doesnt come back after school with eren like usual. so he and levi try calling him and get nothing. eren offers to go look for him and levi tells him to stay safe n waits back home to see if armin will show up there

and he does like 5 mins after eren leaves. 

and levi feels his chest just deflate with relief. it was cold outside, and armin was out there alone. 

his cheeks and nose r red from being outside for so long

when levi asks where he's been, it comes out harsher than he meant, but its just bc he was worried, and armin rolls his eyes and asks why it matters

levi tells him its bc he's a kid and doesnt get to just disappear without a trace whenever he wants. levi never minded armin doing whatever he wanted - within regulation - but most times he knew eren was with him, or mikasa, someone who would call him if something happened

and armin says “you're not my father.” and starts taking off his jacket and stuff

“yeah, but i am the person who's taking care of your ass.”

and that seems to make armin a little more ticked off than he already was, bc he turns to levi and says, “well i never asked you to do that.”

to which levi replies without thinking, “no but erwin did”

levi and armin never talk abt erwin, ever.

its like an unspoken rule between them. its not that they arent as comfortable with each other - they arent anyways but - they just dont do that, talk abt how they feel abt erwin, and him being gone

armin looks like hes gonna cry before he just says “well i wish it was erwin that was still here instead of you”

ALMOST AS IF HES SAYING HE WISHED IT WAS LEVI THAT DIED INSTEADDD

and levi is suprised that armin would ever, it hurts a little, and he just nods in agreement and says “me too.”

armin doesnt say anything back to it, he just turns and makes his way to his room, slamming the door behind him

and levi is exhausted. in his head he wonders how erwin had done it - balanced college and a job and a fucking teenager 

but then he remembers that erwin was erwin, and hed always been good at that type of thing

people stuck to him like glue

thats the first night he lets himself admit that he misses him

he feels like he’s failing at the one thing erwin asked of him

when eren shows back up, levi apologizes for not letting him know that armin had came back

but eren just tells him that armin had texted him when he’d arrived - i have a hc that eren and armin were each others first crushes but uhebdbsi

he tells levi that armin had said hed went to the beach

erwin used to take armin to the beach all the time before he died

he’d collect shells with him, and the ones that armin really liked, he’d give them names

he still has one called smith from the last time erwin had taken him to see the ocean

a few weeks go by after that

they never really talked before, but now it seems almost even worse

the silence that they normally exist in feels empty

but everything felt empty without erwin

eren lets levi know where theyre going to be whenever theyre not home, when theyll be home, etc

levi never asked for him to do that, but he does it anyways

levi’s thankful for the near suicidal maniac at that point

even though he always was

he saw a lot of himself in eren, and he sees a lot of himself in armin too

levi and armin never really apologize to each other, but one night when levi’s attempting to cook, armin walks in the kitchen and watches him place things on a pan

“you’re putting them too close together.”

armin steps beside him and tilts his head to the side, as if hes gesturing for levi to move

and he does, letting the younger and taller boy move the prerolled croissants further away from each other on the baking tray

“they never wouldve cooked all the way through like that,” armin tells him

with a scoff, levi mumbles that he sounds like erwin

armin pauses for a second, before sliding the pan in the oven. levi tells him how long the packaging said they went on so that he can set the oven timer

armin sets it for two minutes longer, and levi’s heart aches

erwin did that, too

“i miss him”

it slips out without him meaning for it to

and he thinks he’s ruined armin’s head again, when he’s supposed to be someone this kid can look up to

but he doesnt leave

armin just leans against the oven and nods “me, too”

after that, things arent bad anymore

sure, it takes awhile for them to completely warm up to each other, but they manage

enough that armin sits in on levi’s cooking sessions just to point out what hes doing wrong - something that helps, bc pretty soon levi is learning

he cooks him, armin, and eren an entire meal without burning anything

eren laughs when armin tells him that the man had forgotten to grab an oven mit and had stuck his entire hand in the oven to grab a pan

levi raises his eyebrow when he notices the way armin blushes at eren’s laugh, of all things

and they talk abt erwin more

they have more to say about him that eren, and its just something the two of them share, so they tend to save it for little moments, tiny snippets of things that remind them of the blond

after about a year, things are good

armin asks to have his 17th birthday at the beach, and who would levi be to say no

levi doesnt particularly like the beach, he detests sand, but its for armin, so he’ll do it

its for his kid

him and erwins kid

at the party, he finds a smile coming to his face when he sees armin actually laughing and having fun

kid had been through too much hell at 17, so he deserved to be happy, even if it was only for a few moments

on their way home that evening, eren and armin passed out from a day of swimming and running on the beach - levi made the both of them bring extra towels to save his car seats from salt water and sand

eren’s head is on armin’s shoulder, and the blond’s is resting atop eren’s head

when they get home, the two of them trudge towards their room, but armin turns and holds his closed fist out to levi

with a raised eyebrow, levi holds his hand out and lets armin drop something into his hand, before the boy pivots and continues his shuffle to his and eren’s shared room

levi glances down at the object in his hand

its a shell

armin names it erwin

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[imaginedxlan]

Alpha Pt. 3 (Grayson Dolan)

a/n: I think its actually been two years since I wrote the first two parts of alpha but idc I’m actually in college now i feel like I have actual insight on how Mr. Alpha of ATO would act around y/n. 

After their date, or forced casual hangout according to y/n, Grayson doesn’t necessarily keep his end of the deal. 

y/r/n = your roommate’s name

warning(s): sexual allusions, cussing, drinking

(part one/part two)

_______________________________

When you return home from your, well you’re not actually sure what to call it, with Grayson, your roommate immediately sits up to see your face, looking for any indication of how your night went. She throws her chem textbook to the side and give you a look as to say well?

You close the door behind you before putting your face in your hands and taking a seat at your desk. You keep shaking your head, there is not a chance in hell you have feelings for this boy. The boy who preyed on a freshman at her very first college party. The boy who stalked you around all of your classes, got your phone number and somehow found out all about your life in the span of a week. You keep reminding yourself of the weird and uncomfortable things he’s done to distract you from the way he planned out an entire evening for the two of you, or that he actually helped you find your sister and her friends or how good he looked when the setting sun hit his tan skin in his topless Jeep only hours ago. Jesus, y/n, snap out of it. 

“Come on, spill!” Your roommate begs, she had to deal with your ranting about not wanting to go all afternoon, she deserves to at least know how it went. “What did you do? What was he like? How’d he dress? Oh my god did you hook up?”

“Ew, y/r/n, no!” You gasp at her last question. How could she expect you to hookup with someone you hate? “It was fine. We ate dinner in some park then he took me to that neon sign museum. Nothing fancy, he had a shirt on which was a first. He acted nice but I don’t buy it for a second.”

“Neither,” She replies, knowing the boy only from how you’ve described him. “He’s probably just trying to get in your pants so he can bug your sister about it.”

She’s right. You can’t fall into his trap, he has ulterior motive. They always do. You just have to go on and find some boy on your floor to kiss and get him out of your head for good. Every part of you wishes your sister hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, he would’ve given Grayson a piece of his mind if he knew that he was bothering you. Unfortunately for you and her ex, y/s/n does not like to be tied down and she needed to “have her fun” for her last first semester. You and y/r/n talk for a little while longer, about classes and whatnot, but mostly end up talking about Grayson again. 

“We should go to bed.” You finally say, yawning and looking down at your phone screen that read 12:47 am. Your roommate huffs, obviously wanting to hear more about your night with the infamous Alpha Dog of ATO. “Recruitment starts tomorrow, we have to meet our groups at eight in the morning, remember?”

“I know, I know,” She replies, slipping out of her bed so she can gather her things to get ready for bed. You grab you toiletries bag as well and head toward the bathroom with her. “We’re talking about this tomorrow, don’t think I’ve let up.”

Recruitment happens over the span of four days, this weekend and next. It’s a dry rush period so no potential new members can be seen on frat property, giving you a good enough reason to avoid Grayson. Going into recruitment you’re already around ninety-two percent sure you’ll end up in Delta Gamma, just like your sister and your mom. The next few days of recruitment go well, you meet new friends from your rush group who help through the stressful process. Throughout the week you get sporadic texts from none other than Grayson Dolan wishing you luck with those days rounds, giving you unsolicited pointers of where to pref, and telling you that he saw you walking on greek row. You don’t respond to any, hoping he gives up on trying to woo you. So much for leaving you alone after one date. You pref Delta Gamma and Kappa Alpha Theta, but end up ranking DG first, not wanting to end your legacy but also because you felt you fit in most there. It was no surprise when you got a bid. Your sister is over the moon, shrieking over how her biological sister is now her deegster. You still have to get used to the lingo.

You come to find during bid day, which is Space Cowboy themed of course, that your new pledge class will be going out for bid-night with your bid day bigs. You don’t understand half of the things they’re saying to you, the language of sorority girls still lost on you. You’re added to a GroupMe with the new pledges of Alpha Tau Omega, just when you thought you could escape that fraternity as a whole, your bid night is with them. You almost immediately get a text from Grayson.

following in sissy’s steps? see you tonight miss delta gamma, anchor down ;)

What is it with him and these nicknames? You show your sister and she fake gags, saying she can’t believe he’s still texting you after all this time. She still has no idea about last weekend, you intend to keep it that way. When you get back to your dorm, you and your roommate talk all about bid day, she ended up going Kappa. Her bid night was with Phi Gamma Delta, or Fiji. If only you could have been so lucky. She can’t help but snort at the fact that you’re going to ATO tonight, she says it’s the universal pulling you and Dolan together. 

Your sister won’t being coming out with you tonight, having a lab tomorrow morning that she simply cannot miss. You’re partly grateful for it, now Grayson can’t let it slip to her that you two went out together. You end up getting ready in the room of a girl of your floor who you met today at bid day, wanting to base your outfit on someone else’s to blend in as much as possible. With the massive group of girls coming into his house, surely he won’t be able to find you. You meet up with your bid day big along with the girl on your floor’s and you all walk toward the ATO house together. You’re nervous, extremely nervous, but you don’t show it. As you near the house, you’re met with the mix of conflicting basses coming from any frat basement on the block. There are a few girls waiting outside the familiar house, and thats when you see it.

Grayson Dolan at the door, personally greeting every single one of your new sisters, his eyes scanning over every single one of the freshman walking into the door, earning him plenty of groans from the older girls. You don’t mean to say anything out loud, but you let an oh god slip. Your bid day big turns to you with a confused look.

“My sisters warned me about him,” You tell her, which is half of the truth. “Real scumbag I’ve heard.”

She just laughs, not even needing to agree with you for you to know she feels the same way about him. The closer you get to the front door, the more your stomach aches. If only you could be in your dorm watching Barbie Mermaidia with your roommate like last night. You try your best to hide within the group you came with, but it’s no use, he has his single file, one over strategy down to a science. 

“Hello you.” He greets you with a shit-eating grin. You hope the girls with you don’t catch him singling you out. “I’ll see you inside.”

“Fuck off Dolan,” Your bid day big calls over to him. “She’s not one of your play things.”

She pulls you inside before Grayson can say anything else. Luckily he doesn’t follow the two of you either. She gets you a drink and you socialize with the girls and some of the guys. You’re more focused on making girl friends tonight, as much as you’ve loathed your time at ATO, finding a group of girls to wander around greek row on a Saturday night is and essential part to your freshman year plan. You don’t even realize how drunk you’re getting, you follow your sister’s order to never take a cup from a brother, only ever allowing something you or one of your sisters have mixed to travel down your throat. You recall the words of your sisters earlier in the night, ‘bid night means black out ladies.’ You certainly don’t want to black out, but getting a little tipsy won’t hurt anyone. Toward the middle of the night you’re all dancing, body to body in their packed and sweaty basement. You have to admit, you’re actually kind of having fun. When you feel a pair of hands dig into your hips you don’t even flinch, simply moving your hips along to whatever shitty remix is coming from the massive speakers. You swing yourself around to face the boy and wrap your arms around his neck while his stay on your hips. You don’t recognize him, but from what you can see under the dim colored lights he’s cute. Mostly everyone in ATO is. He gives you a grin, letting one of his hands travel closer toward your ass, you don’t mind it, at least it’s not Grayson.

Grayson. Where is that boy? He said he’d meet you inside and it’s been at least an hour and a half. You don’t know why your mind is suddenly wandering off to Grayson. How he must look right now, definitely shirtless with some stupid phrase painted across his chest. How the sweat from the sheer amount of bodies in the house is probably making his tan skin glisten under the LED lights. How his hands are probably wrapped around a red solo cup so perfectly. You don’t even realize you’re biting your lip until your lips are connected with the boy you’re dancing with. You don’t hesitate to kiss him back, suddenly feeling all hot and bothered after picturing Grayson, wherever he is in this house. Snap out of it. Finding Grayson even remotely attractive would go against everything you stand for, your sister would probably smack your head to make sure there is still a brain in there. 

You keep drinking, everything practically going down like water at this point. Your speech is slurring and the room spins around you. You leave the boy you’re dancing with for another drink, finding the stairs to the main floor and gripping onto the handle for dear life. You stumble towards where some boy is pouring a mystery liquid into a cup and stop in front of it. Your new drink is swiftly taken from you and placed back on the table and you’re pulled from the crowd of people.

“How much have you had to drink.” It’s Grayson. He looks so good, you think. He’s shouting over the music for you to answer him. “I’m serious y/n, I need a number.”

You try and do the mental math but the only clear thought in your brain at the moment is how good he looks with his shirt off. You start to count on your fingers but lose track at five so you just shrug. He rolls his eyes, knowing that if anything were to happen to you your sister would beat his ass like it was somehow his fault.

“Why do you care, dad.” You mock him as he tries to think about what he should do with you. “I have to drink this much, I’m in a sos-sorotity you know?”

He can’t help but laugh at the way you’re butchering the words coming out of your mouth, the slurring evident on your tongue. “Okay, miss sorotity, follow me.” He grasps your hand, interlocking your fingers and begins to pull you up another flight of stairs that you’ve never been up. This house is massive. He pulls you into a room and locks the door behind him. Even with the room spinning you can make out a few features. A bed with a white comforter that lies low to the ground, a big frame holding what looks like a yearbook page of girls, and a lava lamp. 

“Is this your room?” You ask, leaning up against the wall for some stability. He just nods, fiddling with something in his drawers. “I’m not having, s-sex with you Grayson. You can’t make me.”

“I don’t want to have sex with you, sweetheart.” He mumbles back, pulling an article of clothing out of the open drawer. Once you process what he says all you can think is ouch. He’s fucked practically every girl on at this school, are you so repulsive you’re excluded from the campus wide Grayson Dolan body count? “Oh don’t be sad, I meant I’m not having sex with you tonight, y/n. Contrary to your hilarious nickname you came up with for me the first night we met, I don’t fuck drunk girls.”

You realize you may have said ouch out loud, have you been doing that all night? He’s only telling you this because he’s almost one hundred percent certain you’ll remember none of this in the morning. Between the jungle juice and natty seltzers, the only thoughts in your brain tomorrow will be getting to a toilet bowl immediately. He pulls out a shirt and a pair of boxers and tosses them your way. You don’t catch them, just start stripping your shirt off.

“Jesus, y/n, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were giving me a little strip tease.” He jokes with you, turning his head away from you, letting you keep at least part of your dignity. “Tell me when you’re done.”

“I can’t put them on, Grayson.” You whine, your drunken brain unable to comprehend how to put on a t shirt. You pick it up off the ground and hold it out for him to grab. “Help me.”

He huffs out and takes the shirt from your hands, he should at least be getting paid for babysitting you like he is. He pulls his shirt over your head and forces your arms through their respective holes. As he’s about to walk away from you again, you put and point at your shoes and jeans. He rolls his eyes and pulls both your shoes and socks of both feet before carefully undoing your zipper and shimmying the fabric off your sweaty legs, then pulling the pair of boxers over your hips. He’s usually taking underwear off girls, not putting a second pair on. His breathe hitches at the oddly intimate moment he’s sharing with you, you won’t remember any of it but he doesn’t usually do this. You suddenly feel very tired, almost collapsing on top of Grayson before he steadies your hips. He pulls back his comforter for you to slide under. You sink into his mattress and smile at your need for a bed being fulfilled. The lights shut off and you hear him unlock and open the door.

“Wait!” You call after him, making him stop in his tracks. “Can you stay?”

“You’re one needy chick when you’re drunk, huh?” He asks, walking back into the room and locking the door behind him again. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, you know that?”

You just give him a cheesy smile, not sure if he can even see you in the dark room, but you don’t care. You hear his shoes hit the ground and the bed dips next to you. You can still hear the music coming from the basement, it’s muffled but you can still make out every word. You roll over to face Grayson and he’s already looking at you.

“What’re you looking at?”

“You.”

A goofy grin graces your lips when he says it. If you were sober you’d probably protest, whack his arm or something, but now you don’t care. You let your index finger drag along his bicep, up over his shoulder and neck, around his face and then boop his nose. You can feel his face shift when he smiles. 

“You have a pretty smile,” The words leave your lips before you can even think if it’s an okay thing to say. He lets out a short laugh, finding your drunk self’s inability to filter your thoughts amusing. “You’re handsome, Grayson.”

“You’re drunk, y/n.” He teases you. “You need to stop talking before you say something you regret.”

You whine, faking a pout on your lips. “I think it when I’m not drunk too.”

He can’t contain his smile, pushing a piece of hair that has fallen into your face. “We’ll talk in the morning. Goodnight, y/n.”

You wake up with a pounding headache and no recollection of last night past kissing some boy in the basement of ATO. You rub your eyes, shielding them from the light coming in the large window. Large window? This isn’t your dorm, you’re not in your bed and that is certainly not your roommate passed out next to you.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck.” You whisper repeatedly as you try your best to slip out of the bed you’re currently in. Your shirt and jeans and shoes are strewn across the floor and your in someone else’s shirt and pants. Underwear is still on, two pairs now which is comforting. In your attempt to sneak out of whoever’s room this is you ram your knee into the dresser beside the door. “Goddamnit!”

Before you can continue gathering your things, the figure that you were just sleeping next to takes in a deep breath and let’s out a loud groan, stretching out his arms. “Y/n?”

You know that voice from anywhere, you’re so fucked. “Grayson?”

He sits up and runs his hands through his hair. The contrast of his tan skins against the white comforter is breathtaking. His hair is going in all different directions but he still looks good, how does he always looks good? His silver chain hangs loose around his neck and falls just belong his collar bone. You genuinely believe, at least physically, he is without flaws.

“Surprised?”

“Obviously I am!” You shout back, hurting your own head in the process. “Oh god, oh fuck, did we?”

“God, no, y/n.” He stops your spiralling. You let out a breath of relief that you didn’t even know you were holding. “You think I would have sex with you if I had any doubt that you would remember it in the morning? No, you were hammered and about to keep drinking and I saw where the situation was going so I room you out of it. End of story.”

“So I changed myself?”

“You were meant to, but you started whining like a three year old that you didn’t know how to put a shirt one.” He replies. You’re not really sure how to feel about it, but it’s better than the alternative. “I put your clothes on and put you to bed.”

You let out a sigh, plopping yourself back onto the bed now that you know who it belongs to. You wish you could remember last night, knowing you probably did and said some things in your drunken state that you’re sure you’ll regret if you ever hear of them. Grayson just looks at you, wondering what’s going on in your mind and thinking about what you said to him last night. How you complimented his smile and called him handsome. He couldn’t get it out of his mind. When you turn your body to face him, he scans your features. Hair a mess from both the dingy basement and the hours of sleep you just got, your mascara has collected under your eyes but you still look pretty.

“Stop looking at me like that.” You pull him from his thoughts of you, he didn’t even realize he was staring. He shakes his head and puts on his signature smirk to prevent you from thinking anything other than that he’s an asshole who’s mind is on girls 24/7. He has a reputation to keep and all.

“Like what?”

“Like you’re about to kiss me or something.”

“You’d like that wouldn’t you.”

“Oh fuck off, Dolan.” You scoff at him before he makes the decision to bring himself just inches from your face. So close that you can feel the warmth from his body. Your first instinct is to touch him somewhere, anywhere, but you don’t act on it. “What are you doing?”

“Just getting a better look,” He replies making your eyes roll. Anytime you think you’re letting yourself fall for him he says something gross. “Do you want me to be doing something?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, y/n.”

It’s silent. There’s nothing to say. Your chest is moving up and down at a rapid pace, you’re not sure why you can’t seem to catch your breath but you can’t. His eyes flicker between your and and your lips. Before you can stop yourself you reach your hand to sit on his cheek and inch your body closer to his. The closer you get the more you can feel his hot breathe on your lips and without a second thought you bring your lips to meet his. Your brain is fuzzy and your body feels like it’s on fire but it feels right.

It doesn’t take long for Grayson to kiss you back, he’s actually shocked you gave in given the way you ignored him for weeks. He rolls over so that he can steady himself with him one arm beside you and the other gripping your waist. You can still barely breathe and he notices. He pulls away from you and give you the biggest shit eating grin. “Can believe you gave in.”

“Shut up before I change my mind.”

[toshisae]

call me baby

summary: in which chenle gives you the entire world in exchange for some love

genre: crack, fluff and another pinch of angst 

theme: ceo!chenle (sugardaddy au but without the sexy shit its just he buys you things in exchange for you loving him ok? ok) 

word count: 2.8k

author’s note: HIIIII ITS BEEN A LONG ASS TIME SINCE I WROTE SOMETHING SO HERES THIS also theres no sexy time unless the sexy time u want is going on an endless shopping spree then this fic is for u!! its just another crack idea i had lol and this is just to get rid of writers block or smth despite having this in my drafts for the longest time

–

you know how people say not to chat with random strangers from the internet?

because it’s terrifying and shit??

well you never listened 

here you are on a friday night on your phone

looking for some 40 year olds to troll

on this sugar daddy app you randomly found one day

not like you needed money or whatever

you lived with your brother jaemin who’s a doctor

so i guess you could say u’re: $$$$

and it’s just that you have nothing to do

what’t the worst that could happen right?

ding!

your phone vibrates in your hand

it looks like you’ve matched with your designated sugar daddy

“congratulations! you’ve matched with 6chittaphon9”

you looked at his profile and saw that he’s a 23 year old dancer

not up for it, you swiped left

“give me the good shit bro” - you tell the phone

you clicked the globe icon on the bottom of the screen

it switched you to a radar where it scans for possible sugardaddies who use the app

a little later your phone dings again

“congratulations! you’ve matched with zhong$”

and when you clicked on his profile,,

you let out a big big gasp 

he’s a 18 year old ..

looking for.. sugar babies??

if you were drinking something then you would’ve spat out that liquid real quick

you swiped to the right and sent this dude a message

“hi”

ok so chenle right

chenle is the youngest billionaire in the world

bye kylie jenner oof

after his father’s passing, his company, zhongs inc. was in his hands

his father’s last wish was to have chenle get married at a young age

but chenle obviously didn’t like that idea

he wanted to experience a normal teenage life where he parties, drinks, date some random girls or whatever a pesky teenager does

so he found himself downloading a sugarbaby app

also just for the lolz like c’mon this is chenle the king of clownery

the c in chenle means clownery wbk

he had the money, the looks, almost anything you need for a man

so he quickly made his account

and not a minute later he already matched with someone named ‘<y/n3’

he sees that this y/n person already sent him a message

so obviously he replies

“hello”

you: asl?

chenle: 17 / m / seoul; u?

you: same except im a female

chenle: well ain’t that obvious

on the outside you bursted out laughing

you: ok capt. crunch so would you like telling me your name or is it confidential

chenle: i mean, i guess its kinda confidential but the company wont know anyway but im zhong chenle 

you: ????? are u important or sumn

chenle couldn’t believe his eyes

chenle: um.. im ZHONG chenle

you: whats so special with your name

chenle was actually quite glad you dont know about his name or his background

chenle: nothing so wyd

it didn’t take awhile for you two to get along 

since you two had the same type of humor and age

you: why are you on this app tho if you are “young and rich”

chenle: i could ask you the same question

you: its friday my dude and im bored 

chenle: well,,,,,,,,,,, idk my friend recommended it to me

you: you’re friends with a bunch of old people?

chenle: nO I MEAN YES?? I MEAN NO 

you: ... are u fucking with me

chenle: no i’m not fucking with you, im talking to u :D 

in the end chenle asks you if it was okay that he’ll send you some money for fun

chenle: yk this app is about sugardaddies looking for sugarbabies right so lets make the most of it and give me your paypal or venmo and ill send you some cash for talking to me <3 

you: wtf chenle no its fine!!! i had lots of fun talking to you and this app is just a whole ass joke but im glad i met a new friend here but its okay dont send me some money !!!!!

chenle: nooo think of it like i’m treating you out for some dinner so please allow me 

you: still ! i wont let you,, till i get to see you so i know youre not some 40 year old i still think you are

chenle: how many times do i have to tell you im really 18 years old ffs but sure, when are you free?

on the inside youre just like: ASJDHJHDUIADHASJKDAHAHD WHAT THE FUCK

you: uhh i have school so i’m always busy hehehe

chenle: then i’ll see you in your school, what school do you go to?

this kid doesnt know when to give up

you: hhhhhhh i guess then i’m free tomorrow 

chenle: GREAT! I’LL SEE YOU ON HONGDAE here’s my number boo

and there you have it

your first unofficial meet up with zhong chenle himself

you were too much in thought about meeting him you didnt even notice jaemin standing there with pizza in his hands

“what are you staring at sis?” - jaems

“uh nothing” you snatched the pizza from his hands

fast forward to tomorrow

you were getting nervous to meet chenle

“hey where are you going?” jaemin takes a peek of you in your room

can he stop scaring you like that

“going out” - u 

“going where?” - jaems

“hongdae”

“cuteee do you have a date today?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you

“no-”

“are you going out with that pizza delivery boy?!” jaemin suddenly gushes

“jeno?” you ask him

“yeah that one” - jaemin

“no, i’m just gonna go shopping” you brush him off

jaemin shrugs and gives you some pocket money to spend

“be safe and have fun” he closes the door of your room

after safely arriving in hongdae, you sat somewhere thats not that crowded

who knows if this chenle person is famous right

so there you were waiting for him to text you or something

and just like that, your phone rings

it was an unknown number

but you answer anyway

“hello this is chenle, may i ask if you are in gongcha right now?” 

you looked around the people who’s passing by hoping to see someone fancy looking holding their phones

suddenly someone stops right in front of you

“found you” 

with that, chenle hangs up and sits across the table from you

“hi, i’m chenle” he gives his hand out for you to shake

and man, you were shookt

he looks like an ordinary teenager 

or a hypebeast for this occasion 

“o-oh .. h-hello” you bow

chenle suddenly laughs at your reaction 

his laugh is beautiful 

“don’t be nervous baby, i mean no harm” he smiles

his smile that totally made your heart melt

“how could i not? you’re the youngest billionaire out here” you gushed

chenle shushes you after the billionaire part

“sorry about that, it’s just i don’t like it when people tell me that” he tells you casually

ok humble king

“have you ordered yet? if not let’s order right now, on me” he grabs his wallet from his pocket and heads inside gongcha

after taking your orders, you two sat outside again with your drinks

“so y/n.. tell me about yourself” chenle takes a sip of his drink

“well, like i told you last night, i’m a student in college and i live with my brother who’s a doctor and that’s about it.. what about you, mr. zhong” you giggled

“first of all, don’t call me mr. zhong. you can call me lele instead and i love music and i like to play the piano and sometimes i sing” he shares, showing off his pearly whites

and after some many more conversations with him, he finally asks you an important question

“ok last question” he laughs, “i know it’s kinda weird but i really like your company and i know we met through a sugar daddy/sugar baby app but would you like.. stay with me..?” he asks cautiously

you stared at him with wide eyes

“i’ll pay for everything you want.. just,, stay or keep me company..?”

you kept quiet, just in shock on what just happened

“it’s okay if you don’t want to, just forget that i asked” he laughs awkwardly

“no it’s okay, i’ll keep you company but please please don’t pay for everything. i can pay for myself” you tell him

“why not? i got money, i can spoil you with gifts” he looks at you confused

“if you can’t remember, i’ve got a brother who’s a doctor and i guess we’re loaded too you know” you roll your eyes at him

“pfft okay then so.. where were we” 

and with that you guys carry on your conversation 

months has passed and you’ve been with chenle through everything

every time something happened in his company, you were there comforting him or just keeping him sane through out everything

and within those months, you’ve seen different sides of him as well

like the serious side of him– when he’s in business meeting and you’re his plus one 

aside from his secretary of course

the funny side of him– when he’s cracking jokes to literally everyone

sometimes he takes days off in the midst of his own company just to pull pranks on his secretary, renjun

and of course, his vulnerable side– when he feels he can’t do what his father left him, the family legacy

there were night where you had to stay over at his place just to make him calm down or just to make sure he’s sleeping or eating well 

and tonight was those vulnerable nights of chenle

here you were in his room, on the floor holding his hand as he rants about how his day turned to shit 

“it’s just so.. hard you know?” he opens up, “when everyone expects you to follow a certain life but i’m not all about that business shit life! i want to sing or fucking play the piano or do some teenager shit not this paper work life!” his voice cracks at the end of his sentence

“ah shit i’m crying in front of you again” he laughs, wiping the tears 

you don’t say anything but held his hand tighter

“thanks y/n.. you’re the best” he smiles down at you

“anything for you, chenle. that’s why i’m here for you right? to keep you company” you smile back

“can you.. come up here with me” chenle motions for you to sit beside him on the bed

you agree and climbed up

chenle sits up awkwardly, staring at you.

“woah this is the first time i had a girl on my bed” he giggles

“then i’m honoured” you laugh

suddenly your phone vibrates multiple times

you take a look and its your brother looking for you

“who is it?” chenle asks

“it’s my brother, he said i should go home” you slowly push yourself from his comfy bed

“no, it’s late. i’ll take you home first thing in the morning” 

“i don’t want to be a burden to you lele” you say shyly

“you’re never a burden to me y/n” chenle smiles again

that night, you slept in his very arms for the first time

you wake up earlier that him and decided to prepare breakfast for him

you set the eggs and bacon on the table with orange juice

you smiled at your efforts, hoping he’d like it

chenle woke up in distraught since you were no where in sight

he was in his pajama pants and he rushed downstairs to check if you were still there

and thankfully, you were

you were on the dining table, waiting for him with breakfast ready

“good morning” he grins, face looking brighter than ever

you smile back at him, “good morning to you too, sleepyhead. help yourself with some breakfast”

chenle takes a seat and sips on the orange juice next to him, “did you make this?” he asks

you nod, “for you” 

you could’ve swore you saw him blush for a moment there 

and with that, you two ate in peace, just enjoying each other’s company

a few days later

you couldn’t make it to chenle’s office since you had classes and it was exam week 

chenle was obviously very lonely that week

even his own secretary checked up on him cause he was awfully quiet ever since you came into his life

“so how are you and y/n huh” renjun casually asks chenle who was busy reading papers on the table

“we’re doing great” chenle replies nonchalantly 

“are you two going steady now?”

that question made chenle halt to a stop on what he was doing

renjun notices that chenle turned quiet

“i never asked her to be official” chenle gasps, scaring renjun in the process

“wha-”

“renjun hyung can you get me the biggest bouquet bundle you can find” chenle rushes

renjun nods and grabs his ipad, looking for what chenle requested

“fuck.. what did y/n wanted again” chenle asks himself, trying to remember the bag or things you told him about

“call jisung and tell him we’re going to the mall” chenle tells renjun yet again, rushing to the elevator so he could go to the mall with his best buddy

“so what are we buying your special someone again?” jisung asks chenle who was busy pacing around the mall

“y/n said she wanted a bag but i cant remember what was it” chenle tells jisung who just looks as lost as he was

chenle ended up going to every luxury store they had in the mall

like louis vitton, gucci, prada, balenciaga, fendi

you name it he went there and bought one bag each

he even went to some make up stores thanks to jisung’s suggestion

surprisingly he had a girlfriend who was a makeup artist and puts make up on jisung’s face when they have nothing to do

and of course, chenle followed what his best friend suggested

now they were on their way back to your place cause you just texted chenle that you were almost done with your exam

chenle and jisung unload his car and went straight up to your apartment that you shared with your brother

and your brother answers the door

“uh chenle? what are you doing here?” jaemin answers the door

chenle stood there in shock once again, “jaemin hyung? you’re y/n’s brother?” he stares at jaemin confused.

jaemin nods slowly before realization hits him, “you’re the person y/n is seeing?!” 

chenle nods uncertainly, slightly offended you never told jaemin about him but quickly shrugs it off. 

“well surprise! now can you help us with this? i’m asking y/n to be my girlfriend when she arrives home” 

jaemin immediately steps in and helps the two boys

after an hour or so, everything is now set into place

now they were just waiting for you to arrive

chenle stood there with his usual work attire which was a formal suit, holding a big ass bouquet and the paper bags right behind him

“jisung how do i look?!” chenle looks at jisung who was showing him two thumbs up

“dashing bro, she’ll say yes in no time”

and as if on cue, you walked in

and to say you were shocked to see chenle standing there 

“lele! what are you doing here?” you covered your mouth in shock as you saw the never ending line of paper bags right behind him and the bouquet he was holding

“i’m here to ask you to be mine” he replies, staring at you once again

“does my brother know you’re here?” you look around your living room and you spot jaemin in the kitchen, watching the entire thing go down

“yeah. why didn’t you tell me he was your brother” chenle pouts, but shakes his head as he hands you the bouquet

chenle clears his throat once again, “na y/n.. would you be my first and last girlfriend?” he closes his eyes tight, waiting for your response

“i would be honoured” you take the bouquet off his hands and jumped into his arms

“about time you asked her” jisung comments in the background

“baby look, i got you some gifts!” chenle puts you down and shows you the abundant amount of things he got you

you smacked him in the chest, “what did i say about you giving me expensive gifts!” 

“let me spoil you, please? you showed me how loving someone wholeheartedly is priceless, and i want to return the favor in my own way” chenle shows you his infamous puppy eyes.

“lele you’re making me cry!” you tear up, hidng your face in his neck

“also because i can’t remember the thing you told me you wanted a few days ago so i had to compromise” chenle giggles

you were happy

and he was happy

who knew an app could bring you two together and end up like this

the end!

[yvvaine]

ASOIAF hot takes ?

I’m not in the best mood right now as I have been working on an essay on the legality of war crimes all week (which is very uplifting in case you were wondering), but that kinda means I want to take out my frustration on something SO LETS JUMP IN:

1) Not much of a hot take but Dany is going be a villain, loves. Don’t misunderstand me: NOT. CRAZY. Nor will to be a sudden, last-minute twist either, looking at you Dumb & Dumber. She’ll be fully in control of her actions, impulsive with violence like she has a long habit of being, and it will end up having dire consequences that solidify her tyrannical tendencies. She’ll hurt and kill a lot more innocent people (more than she has has already….which is still more than a lot of people are comfortably admitting). And it will only become more apparent as the books continue. As the GRRM approved Meereenese Knot Essays basically stated: the dream sequence in the last novel was ultimately a turning point for Dany toward an even darker path where she embraces the family motto to a draconian degree. 

2) It’s worth saying just for the record that I love Daenerys’ idealism and her crusade for a more just, equitable world (how much you think that crusade is actually for personal gain, survival, and/or ambition under the general guise of righteousness is on you though), but it ended up being pointless and ill-executed.

2B) On that point, I’m vehemently against those who counter any criticism of her crusade, specifically how she handled the crucifixion of all men wearing togas (which were a symbol of wealth, not just of owning slaves) over the age of 14, as being “pro-slavery” when that’s usually far, far from reality. I’d argue that though she tried to make the situation better, which is again admirable, she eventually becomes a glorified slaver herself, literally. “Mysa is a master”. Think about it, I mean at first she “liberates” cities based upon opportunity, and impulse, and what they can offer her, at that moment. But it’s a short term power/resource grab, and all she ends up doing is creating a bigger mess for the mostly-innocent people that live there, sentencing them to lives in horrid conditions like hunger, death, violence, and poverty. In Meereen she uses the people that she liberates (and its not like these “ex”-slaves had better options other than to follow her, or families elsewhere, etc. … plus to them she’s this albino goddess come out of ashes to save them who has these magical, thought-to-be-extinct dragons; it seems reasonable she’d amass a following on that alone) as her unpaid labor force in various inhumane conditions. Then the city becomes so mismanaged, chaotic, and violent because she is so inept at actually, ya know, ruling, that she allows said people to sell themselves BACK into slavery, SO LONG AS SHE GETS A 10% CUT…. sort of like A SLAVER. I just don’t think the metaphorical America in GRRM’s Afghanistan, considering how anti-war he is in real life, and how disastrous he’s said that that expression of imperialism actually was, is going to end up being the good, ethical guy you want in charge by the end of his novel allegorizing the triumphs and pitfalls of power. His whole point is that good intentions don’t guarantee good actions or good outcomes, however honorable that they might be. Short term decisions are just that; short term. 

3) Sansa is not like Lysa in any way besides their casual connections to Littlefinger (of totally different natures) and their red fucking hair. I see a lot of gifsets or meta —usually by extreme Arya stans (which to be fair: you do you! I’m not about to sit here and tell anyone how much they should or shouldn’t love a particular character; the whole point of literature is that its entirely subjective and based off of emotional connection) — that states to some degree or another Arya = Lyanna and Sansa = Lysa when like….. no. I agree its very apparent that Arya shares a lot of personality and appearance-related attributes with her paternal Aunt, but that does not foil to her sister and other Aunt. If anything Arya has a stronger Lysa-connection with the whole “jealous of the more beautiful and dutiful red-haired older sister” thing. But that’s a silly and superficial parallel at best, just like claiming a connection to Lysa/Sansa because of shared geography and a “Tully look”. Moreover, on the Tully note, there’s nowhere that it says Sansa and Lysa look alike the same way the text explicitly says Arya and Lyanna do. They just both have red hair and blue eyes. That fact alone is not enough to constitute a parallel; in the books their face shape, eye color, physical figures, and other attributes like cheekbones are described totally different. Even the color of their red hair is described in different shades. 

4) People need to stop discounting Sansa’s connections to Lyanna. Yes, they are not alike in looks or personality the way that Arya and Lyanna are, but their stories align very closely in many ways that Arya and Lyanna’s do not. Both were Northern princess with broken betrothals to “Baratheons”. Both were debatably romantically involved with Crown Princes. Both were given tourney roses. Both “kept/imprisoned” in the South. Both’s strengths were underestimated because of their beauty (Porcelain, Ivory, Steal, vs. You saw her beauty, but not the iron underneath). Their siblings went to war for them (and independence too) and their fathers and brothers were executed in the south, on the King’s orders. Both have strong song motifs, rose motifs, etc. And they share a lot of literary quotes besides their famous beauty v. metal parallel (i.e. “like a ghost, dead before her time” is repeated once in regards to Lyanna, and once again by Sansa, no other times). Just…. stop discounting them. 

5) Arya’s story is not one of duty and ladyship, stop trying to fit her into that mold. She doesn’t want to be the wife, mother, or queen. In her own words: “Thats not me, that’s Sansa”. She’s finding herself and trying to survive while being true to who she is at the same —  that’s her journey of personal growth. To accept her rebellious nature, her untamed wildness, her adventurous spirit and know it doesn’t make her a freak or bad at being a woman. While I know a lot of people might hope that the end of her journey is like, “I’ll be a queen of the people sitting at my desk doing paperwork and running a castle and kingdom and all that it involves”, but I would be sorely disappointed if that’s her endgame, the woman they’ve been trying to mold her into since the beginning. I can understand why: she understands the common folk and their needs, wants, and humanity, in ways that no other contender for queen does. Daenerys has always been a degree removed from the people, even when she wast technically supposed to be a part of them re: her marriage to Khal Drogo, and she has become further and further removed from the people she rules over ever since. Margaery doesn’t truly, truly care about them, but rather sees them and their love as a source of popularity/power. Cersei is Cersei. Sansa bought into the role of the “high dignified lady” and the class system that unwittingly upholds the duty she’d been taught to model, and though she is learning that its a load of crap - especially as the “bastard” Alayne - and has always been very, very kind throughout her imprisonment in Kingslanding to dealing Sweetrobin in the Eryie, she still has a long way to go before she is truly a lady of the people, (which i think is the crux of Sansa’s journey).

I think I’ll stop there - thats enough ranting for one day! It did make me feel a little bit better though, I have to say! Thank you for the ask dear

Xx 

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[peggysousfan]

Agent Carter An Au Series

Here is Chapter 16! There’s a lot more of the show in this one to make up for 15 lol and some peggysous fluff in the beginning. Enjoy! :) 

(PS. Tio means uncle lol)

Peggy's POV:

I wake up early in the morning, feed Steph, and go to the kitchen to make some tea. I notice Daniel still asleep on the couch, and he looks uncomfortable. Perhaps once we move he'll be able to sleep in his on bed again, and actually be comfortable. I can't believe I told him as much as I did last night, although it is a relief having some of it off my chest, I still wasn't ready for him to know all of that. I like Daniel, i really do, perhaps more than friends...but he showed me last night that he wasn't interested, or that he lost any interest he had. I never forgot the time in his room where we nearly kissed, our lips barely grazed the other...and yet I felt something; and I want to feel that spark again. Thats why, when I slip up and kiss his cheek, I try to compose myself or act as if it weren't a big deal. But last night he turned away from me, and I'm afraid that door is well and truly locked for good.

I look in the refrigerator for the milk to put in my tea, and I notice the label; Daisy Clover Dairy. Damn. I almost forgot I have to find the milk truck with nitramene that Branis stole. Ugh, its going to be a long week. I look over at Steph and she keeps wiggling around as if shes looking for something; or someone. I love how much she loves him, but once we leave I'm afraid of how she'll respond. I look over at Daniel and hes still fast asleep; then an idea pops in my mind. Perhaps its a bad one, but I do it anyway. I lift poppet up and place her on Daniels chest, and the second she realizes who he is, she snuggle against him and falls asleep. More and more am I amazed at how close they are. Its incredible. I can only imaging what her father would say or do if he knew how close Steph was with someone else. Knowing his obsessive and overbearing nature, he would probably get angry and try to prevent Daniel coming anywhere near her. But babies are good detectors of good people, and it seems Daniel is he best.

I hear a noise and look over at the sleeping pair. Daniel laid his arm over Steph to hold her close to him. All I can do is smile at the sight in front of me. If only I had a camera to capture this moment. Normally I wouldn't care for such things...but this is an exception. I turn away and sip my tea when I hear a noise; Daniel is starting to wake up.

"Mmm." He moves around and realizes hes not alone. "Uh, Hey little one. Where'd you come from?" I'm assuming he looks around, but I don't think he sees me. "How the hell did you get over here?" I see his head pop up from the couch and hold her closer. She rest her head on his chest and sleeps soundly.

"I'd be concerned if she were walking already." He looks up and finally notices my presence.

"Jesus Peg! You scared the hell outta me!" I laugh at his declaration. "How long has she..."

"Only a few minutes. She wouldn't sit still and kept looking around for you, so I placed her with you. And of course, she fell right back to sleep." He looks down at her and kisses her cheek.

"You are the sweetest thing ever." And I couldn't agree more.

"Can you believe she'll be 6 months in a few weeks? Because I can't!" I say.

"Seriously? Jeez.. Has it really been that long?" I nod my head and make my way to the couch, and i sit next to him.

"Indeed it has. Its only 5 weeks away, but it feels much shorter than that." He hands her over and she snuggles against me. "Well its about bloody time you little minx." He looks at me and laughs." I suppose she just needed to cuddle with Tio Daniel first."

"Tio Daniel!?"

"Or would you prefer....Godfather?" He leans back and looks at me, his eyes wide.

"Peg. Are you serious? You're not kidding?" I laugh and shake my head.

"So is that a yes?" He quickly leans over and embraces me and starts to lead towards my cheek, but stops himself.

"I don't mind, Daniel." I turn to him. "I do it to you, why should it be one way around." I say boldly. I know exactly why. Women do it as affection, or for thanks and gratitude, sometime its only a friendly gesture. But for men? Its meant for familiar family and spouses. He still looks afraid...I suppose I need to squash that. I lean over and place one hand on his cheek, and kiss the other. "See? no harm. We're very good friends, Daniel. It doesn't bother me." He still looks shocked and frozen.

"Yeah, uh..right. No, uh sorry. Your're right." Hes adorable when he gets like this, all awkward and stuttering, and I can't help but laugh.

"We should be getting ready. I have a feeling its going to be a long day at the office." At this he snaps out of whatever trance hes in and stands.

"Yeah, you're right. I should probably jump in the shower and get ready." I stand up as well and embrace him.

"I'll see you at the office." Steph reaches out one last time and gets her snuggles, and then we leave. I meet up with Jarvis and we look at the housing I will be staying at. Its one of Howard's quieter residencies; But I'm starting to have second thoughts. I take a delicious scone from the table as we continue to walk. As we tour the house and Jarvis describe the layout and such, I speak up.

"I can't stay."

"Mr. Stark insisted."

"But he also wants me to clear his name for multiple charges of treason. If anyone finds out I'm living in his house, I'll be fitted for the noose!"

"Well if it puts you at ease, this isn't one of him primary residences. He uses it more for...private entertaining."

"Its too risky."

"Well if you're sure you wouldn't like to see the master bedroom." Although I know this is a absolutely horrible Idea, I follow him anyway. When we enter the room, I fall in love. The bed is the most comfortable thing I have ever laid on.

"Perhaps a night or two won't kill us." He chuckles and give me the Intel he has on Leviathan; which is nothing at all. The SSR had nothing on them either. The only lead we have in the milk company that has a truck full of nitramene. Jarvis asked about the foreign agents with the odd throats and I explained that the New York hospitals had no record of Laryngotamy patience in the last 3 years."So I've got 2 foreign agents, with no voice boxes, fighting over a milk truck full of experimental implosives. "

"Just another day at the office"

"Ugh, I wish." I explain when the Daisy Clover opens and how I plan on infiltrating it and finding the truck. He insist on waiting with the car, but I tell him no. Hes already been through enough danger. As we have this conversation I explore the room, and when I get to the wardrobe...I am astounded. I'm not sure a theater has as many costumes as Howard does. But the white coat will prove useful. Soon after I hand Steph over to Jarvis, I head to get some work done

When I get there at the Daisy Clover, I use my American accent and a pair of glasses, and the white overcoat as a disguise. I confront the manager and say that there have been many complaints and I am one of them. I go on a rant and scare him enough to get him to cooperate; not many men like a bossy women and it can intimidate them. It seems like forever that I've searched this entire bloody place, but theres no sign of gamma rays or the truck. I look at the paper and notice a truck is missing.

"We've had a guy out sick the past two days. He uses his truck to commune."

"Has he never heard of a bus? Name and address."

"Sheldon McFee, but I don't have an address."

"Leave that to me." I storm off the property, but not without doing some proper inspector work. I shout to put air in one or the tires, and then leave.

Daniel's POV:

I can't believe Peggy wants me to be Stephanie Godfather! And she addressed me as Tio Daniel to Steph...I honestly can't believe that just happened. But of course I ruined the moment by trying to kiss her again. I know she doesn't mind it, but I do. I still can't forget the time in my room when we almost kissed; thats and all the times shes kissed my cheek or my hand.  I felt this...spark, and yet we barely grazed our lips against each other. Its torture having these feelings and not letting them out. I really like Peggy, as more than friends, but I know shes probably not ready for that sort of thing right now; and besides she has a kid. Even though I love that kid as if she were my own, shes not. I'll never be able to be her dad, and I think thats what hurts the most. It'll be worse when they find somewhere to move, I won't be able to see them as much; especially Steph.

When I know Peggy is gone I go to my room and look for something to wear after I get out of the shower. But the only clean shirt I have left is the one Steph ripped. Dammit. Guess this will have to do. I jump in the shower and get dressed, and once I'm done, I drink some coffee and head to the office. Peg isn't here yet, but I don't expect her to be; I know shes looking to see if he can stay with the sitters for a while. I know she hates the idea of house jumping, but its the only option she has that lets her live with her daughter. I would say Steph could stay with me while Peggy came by my apartment and stayed for her free time while she worked or was at the Hotel for woman. But I also work and can't watcher her 24/7. I feel horrible that I can't help out more...

"Hey Sousa! What happened to you? Did you get mugged?" Krisminski Laughs.

"What?" I ask.

"Well, your shirt is ripped. So I asked if you got mugged? I mean, Its not like you can fight back with one leg."

"Hey, whoa. We don't know if it was some low life thieves out to steal a gimps money. Maybe it was that girl hes been rushing off to see... Am I right Sousa?"

"Shut up, Thompson." I go to my desk and start looking through the files we have on Stark. I look up at the clock and notice Peggy isn't back yet, and its almost 9:15. Where is she? Maybe I'm the only one whos noticed, but shes always here five till 9; always. I keep looking at the files, but can't help but look at the clock. And then she arrives. Thank God. When she walks by my desk she smiles, but then looks at me confused. She makes a small gesture to my shirt, and I nod, then she laughs softly; she knows its the same one Steph ripped.  Hours go by and I get bored, so I look at the horse race chart.

"Whiteby's Prospect. Third Race." I turn round and see Peggy looking over my shoulder, her coat in hand.

"You sure?" I smirk. I know she doesn't really care about these things. Once when I was home and she came in, she noticed the races and laughed at me. She said it was a waste of time and money, and that most of the races were probably rigged.

"Not at all, thats why they call it gambling." We smile at the each other and then I circle her suggestion.

"I have to pop out for a moment, personal matters. Cover for me?" My first thought is somethings wrong with Step.  I lower my voice, so no one else can hear.

"Is everything okay with..." At first shes confused, then she gets it.

"Oh! No of course not, thats...no everything's fine in that regard." I sigh of relief. Peggy quickly reaches out and rubs my back comfortingly. "You'd be the first to know if something were wrong, Daniel. I assure you." I nod my head again and smile.

"Okay, good to know." She smiles and leans one hand on the back of my chair.

"So will you do it...?"

"Sure, but you'd own me one." She smiles again and Agent Mills hands me the photos from Spider Raymond's club. "Hey, Thanks a bunch." Peg asks about the folder and I tell her, then she offers to help me look for the woman who killed Raymond. Weird... "I thought you said you were leaving?"

"Oh well-"

"Hey Sousa, you're needed in the basement." Krisminksi says.

"I'm kind of busy"

"Well now you're extra busy. I got a ten ton ball of rocks and garbage with your name on it." God I hate this guy.

"Alright alright, just give me a minute." I put the folder away and the paper with the race. Then turn to Peggy. "Guess I'm gonna miss that race."

"Its probably for the best." She says. Kriskminski orders Peggy to file some reports, so I guess she doesn't get to leave. I hope it wasn't too important.

Peggy's POV:

"I see. Yes, Yes, Perfect. Thank you." I finally was able to gather the information and address of Sheldon McFee. Hopefully I'll be able to find the truck of Nitramene an turn in into the SSR; maybe then I'll get a break around here. I grab my coat and glance at Daniel before I leave. What is he doing? He has something hidden under a file that hes looking at. Gambling on Horse racing. Men...I take a guess and he listens to me, God he is a mess. I tell him that I need to leave on personal matters, and he automatically got worried about Stephanie. I don't think I can adore him any more for that. If anything were wrong with her, not only would I rush out of the this building, but I would grab Daniel and force him to come with me. Hes the first person I would come to if something were to ever happen to my daughter.

As I start to leave, I'm called for me reports to file. The bloody buffoons I work with are so idle. I look around, and make sure no one is watching me, and then I hurry to Chief Dooley's office to make a call; no trace. And he answer.

"I don't have long, so I need you to listen very carefully. I need you to dispose of Howard's car."

"I beg your pardon?" Jarvis says.

"The SSR are looking into Roxxon at this very moment at car sustained damage at the site, and is likely to be teeming with Vita Radiation. Make it disappear." He huffs, but agrees.

"Very well. The linens should be done in the wash in 30 minutes-"

"Now."I say. He asks about the Dairy truck and I give him the Intel I've found and then end the call. I have to know if my face is in any of those photos. This could ruin my career, get Steph taken from me, and... cost me everything with Daniel.

Hours later, when the coast is clear, around lunch, I stop eating the Orange Daniel gave me and sneak over to his desk. But of course nothings ever that easy. The phon on my desk rings, and then the one on Daniels; and I hit my head "Bloody Hell" I whisper aloud. That wasn't suppose to happen.I peak my head from the Desk and see Daniel coming my way. Dammit. I sneak back over to my desk as he answers the phone. Chief Dooley wants me to bring the Vita Ray Detector to the main Roxxon office.

"What was that about?" Daniel asks.

"Oh, just another errand." I reply as I walk away. I go to the file room and pick it up from where I pout it back this morning and then leave for Roxxon.

"Carter about time." Dooley says. Wanker...

"Oh! I didn't know  our government had such good taste in secretaries. Whats your name, Darling?"A man says, I'm assuming is Mr. Jones.

"Agent." I say simply. i hand over the detector to Dooley and say I will see him at the office, but he has other ideas.

"Yeah we could use your help" Thompson says. I'm sure you do.

"It wouldn't be for filing would it." I retort.

Dooley explains that the vita rays could still be on the person that handled the nitramen. He wants me to stay and check the woman in the facility because a man doing it isn't appropriate. God help me...I rush to the restroom to make sure none of the Vita rays are on me form when I had infiltrated the other facility and found Branis. Turns out I do. "Sorry Nana." I throw away the watch my grandmother had given to me before she died. I wasn't particularly close with her, but I was closer to her than my mum. She always encouraged my adventurous side and never forced me to learn to 'be a lady'.

Mr. Jones gathers up his employees and they stand in a long line to be tested. For a while there was nothing and i thought this whole thing was pointless, but then I see him. The man who helped Branis make the nitramen bombs. Thompson tests him, but he comes back clear. I ask him to stop walking away and ask Jones about the uniforms. Vita rays hardly saturate a persons skin, but clothing is tainted for longer, and when I suggest to check the locker rooms, Van Ert makes a run for it; and Dooley and Thompson chase him. Men are so quick to act rather than think. I take the stairs and beat him to the lobby.

"May I?" I ask as I take a mans brief case. I take it and wack Van Ert in the legs, and he falls to his feet. Thompson puts him and handcuffs and Dooley watches, out of breath. How he can be sweating this much is beyond me. "May I be pf any further assistance?" I ask. Once he is apprehended we leave to the SSR.

When we enter the SSR, I notice Daniel hard at work, and I catch myself from smiling. He works so hard and yet no one notices his efforts. Our eyes meet and I tilt my head for him to follow, and he does. We watch chief start to interrogation, but I'm not completely paying attention. I look over t him and see his shirt still torn, and i laugh.

"What?" He looks puzzled.

"Your shirt." I point and he looks down and laughs

"Yeah, uhm...its the only one I had left that was clean."

"I'm still sorry that happened,I-I still can't believe it."

"Its not your fault, Peg. Things happen." I hum in agreement.

"Have any of the boys noticed?" I ask. But he doesn't answer. "Daniel?"

"Yeah, but its nothing."

"What did they say?" He turns away from me and watches Dooley. "Daniel. What did they say?" Now I'm getting angry.

"It doesn't matter, Pe-

"Yes it does. It matters to me. What. Did. They. Say." He glances at me, quickly, and then back at Dooley. I reach out to him and hold his hand. "Daniel..."

"They just...thought I got mugged by some thieves..."

"And...?" He shakes his head and refuses to continue. I grab his shoulders and force him to face me, but he doesn't look at me. I place my right hand under his chin and my left in his cheek. "What aren't you telling me?" I ask gently. He takes a deep breath and speaks.

"They said that I got mugged by thieves..."I raise my brow, "Becasue I can't defned myself with one leg."

"What!?" He tries to shuh me to not bring any attention "No. I will not 'Shh' What else?"

"Pegs-"

"What. Else?"I place my hands on my hips; now I'm fuming.

"The other wasn't so bad..." Again I raise my brow. "He said that...it was a woman who did it." I know hes still holding back. "I can't win with you can I?"

"Never." I say and he laughs.

"He said that it was the woman that 'I've been rushing to meet' for the past 2 weeks."

"What woman?" Daniel's seeing someone?I had no idea.But I suppose it makes sense as to why he turned away from me last night...

"No one. There isn't one, I swear" I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, that is, until I released it. "No need to look so relieved." Damn.

"Sorry I-"

"I'm just messing with you, Peggy." I smile and shove him playfully.

"Arse." Before we know it, Dooley walks in the room and watches Thompson beat on Van Ert. If talking doesn't work, brute force does. He sends me home because 'lady's shouldn't e seeing this' As if I haven't seen worse during the war. I glance at Daniel and smile; one more night before Steph and I go to Howard's old house. I'll miss Daniel...

[the-delusion-of-a-dreamer]

Ok thats it. Salty rant time. Be warned this is gonna get long so its probably gonna go under a read more. Lets start with some quick misconceptions I see about Satine. Ima break this down bit by bit because I Am Tired. Satine’s government is not about not allowing anyone to be in touch with their culture. It’s about building a culture of violence only in the name of defense. Lets start with the easiest stuff to tackle and i’ll get to the deeper stuff as we go. (warning: i get real salty)

1. “Inaction is never ok. Satine’s pacifist ideals are naive and stupid. You can’t just choose not to act.”

Firstly, ideas like this imply Satine is not aware of the fact that neutrality is a conscious decision (rush loving hell brain “if you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice) Satine knows this. She has decided not to get involved for a reason. 

And you know what that reason is? Her planet is practically dead, forests are nearly gone, the air quality is terrible, and most of her people are dead. Mandalore can literally not sustain another war. It is falling apart. That alone is a good enough reason for neutrality. Mandalore would literally be destroyed if they joined the war effort, so lets get that straight right here and now.

“Well pacifism is still stupid and Satine was naive for believing it would ever work.”

Firstly, don’t you think you would be a little turned off violence too if you saw most of your people and your family slaughtered? yeah? thats what i thought. (look i know that was salty but seriously come on)

Not to mention Satine has never advocated pacifism to the point of not defending ones self. She advocates for always trying to use ones words first, but she has blatantly said just because she is a pacifist does not mean she won’t defend herself. She carries a deactivator pistol, and her guards all have electrostaffs.

And before anybody is like ‘oh so she can be armed but her people can’t?’ that is literally never even implied y’all like. the REACHING- ahem. We see in her first episode the concordian has a gun, and presumably if no one was allowed weapons there would be a check for someone coming to the capital of mandalore, the capital CITY even. But assuming somehow he just. managed to smuggle weapons in, it is also later said that offworlders are not allowed their weapons, thus also implying mandalorians are allowed their weapons.

I’m quite sure theres more I’m missing but the point is: she has never denied anyone the right to defend themselves.

2. “In rebels all of the exiled mandalorians were poc. satine is racist.”

Ok, this one is gonna be a hard one for me to tackle especially being white. I don’t want to sound like I’m not taking this concern seriously but. That is literally not what Filoni was trying to establish at all. I’m not going to deny there is definitely racism going on there, but it can all be traced back to Filoni (who has said this) not wanting to make more character designs. Mandalorians are known for their diversity and he said he did not want to work on different designs so he basically just made a women and a men model and copy and pasted. 

Was it wrong? Definitely. Was it stupid? Oh boy was it ever. Was it ever meant to be a statement showing us how racist satine is? no.

The exiles we see are from REBELS and there are considerable fewer models and they probably realized they had to make up for what they pulled in tcw. 

Anyone else notice how the Kryze clan did not take off their helmets? Thats very likely because they did not want to contradict what we saw in tcw but nor did they want to get into a bunch more trouble for showing the kryze clan as blonde hair and blue eyed. (full disclaimer thats just a theory on my part though.)

3. the final and big one “Satine was a dictator who was committing cultural genocide because she exiled death watch. She didn’t allow people to practice their warrior ways. Thats what mandalorians are, satine is bad blah blah”

Ok you know what I can kind of understand that some people must have missed some pieces of the episodes or something but like. Frankly there is some real clownery in this. Mainly because:

“Our warriors were exiled to Concordia, they died out years ago.”

Ok lets tackle this one part out of time. Firstly, although yes i get why people find it upsetting that they were exiled, this would have been right after the war. The new mandalorians won, a larger portion of mandalorians wanted peace rather than their warrior ways of the past. And really, can you blame them? As established earlier, the constant war has been destroying the planet. Not to mention the wars killed most of Satine’s people, so whatever warriors that were sent there? There weren’t many.

And secondly? ‘they died out years ago’ if they have already died out, this implies they were exiled long before Satine would have assumed the throne. Given, her father, the duke may very well have been who exiled them, but she was not directly responsible. Is that an excuse? No not entirely, maybe when she took on the throne after her fathers death she should have done something, but we can’t even know if the warriors were alive by then.

(Also if it had been the other way around, and the true mandalorians had won, I have doubts the new mandalorians would have simply been exiled and not killed. But thats merely speculation on my part.)

“But kassie! what about the mandalorian civil war! Satine was around for that!”

Yes, and that was the new mandalorians fighting each other. That was not the true mandos, that was what we now know as death watch. They wanted to return to what their culture was before, but as I previously established this was not sustainable for mandalore.

Death watch was the very worst of what the mandalorians of old were, they were simply war hungry extremists. They were not the true mandalorians people seem to think they were, they were a totally different group of people. The true mandalorians had mostly (if not completely) died out by this point.

Satine ended the war, not through strongarming anyone or being a dictator and going ‘well i have the power here listen to me’ no she approached the clan leaders and all of them were tired of the war. They all agreed to end it, and THEN death watch was banished to Concordia by Satine.

Given, Satine did seem to naively believe death watch had given up its fight, but that’s it. 

Satine then worked to restructure Mandalore’s government into a more democratic one (theres a reason she is a duchess and not a manda’lor guys come on) she wanted to ensure a Mandalore that was united, which is also why Bo dedicates her rule to her sister for the record, because she does what Satine was trying to do, which was unite everyone.

Lets look at the definition of dictator shall we? 

Dictator:  a ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained control by force.

This is. Literally not Satine. Not only did she not obtain it by force, she is not the sole ruler (which is what manda’lor literally translates to by the way) she has advisors and senators, she has a council she must confer with, which we all see in show. Also the simple fact that she is the duchess and not a manda’lor implies less power.

So in conclusion: Satine is someone who has lost so freaking much, and she saw suffering and she tried to stop the suffering, she tried to keep more people from suffering the fate she did. She was trying to keep Mandalore from literally collapsing on itself. 

Did she always go about it in a perfect way? No that is not what I am saying at all! But she gets a lot more flack than she strictly should considering all she did was do everything she could for her people. She tried really hard to be a responsible leader, she tried so hard to keep everyone together. She wanted nothing more than peace, and maybe thats naive, but I think its a future worth fighting for, even if your way of fighting is with your words rather than a blaster.

I mean after all, by keeping out of the war she was also one of the few people not playing directly into Palpatine’s hands. In fact, she tends to throw a wrench in his gears. But that’s another essay for another time.

Thanks if you made it through this rant but I had to get it off my chest. I’m really tired of all these misconceptions. If you have any further questions feel free to pop into my inbox and ask! I’ll answer as best as I can, considering there’s actually very little canon material on this haha.

[flockofdoves]

literally so grateful i just found this???? this has been a huge wall in front of me these past few days since realizing how much disordered eating over the past few months has affected me, having to start entirely reevaluating how i’ve been approaching my relationship with food in the name of not neglecting my chronic illness stuff and how that exact same attitude of trying to make myself better actually just made me fuck up my digestive tract by avoiding certain foods (and food in general bc theres so much its so overwhelming and also now i’m too nauseous and weak to have an appetite!) and by extension make my chronic illness worse. and then now reading about refeeding i was worried because so much refeeding stuff seems to recommend a lot of dairy products and i even before these last few months dairy hasn’t been good for me for over a year (although not just lactose i was thinking it was casein too but also like . lol idk maybe its just another one of the phenomena thats talked about here) and wasn’t sure how to balance that when avoidance of foods i see as triggers for health got me here in the first place and at this point literally anything is gonna be too much for my gut and i gotta tough through that

uhhhh turned into a rant/vent about things unrelated to the article under this

kinda distressing though tbh to think about what IBS even like . Means . lol like it does make sense to see it more as a small part of the bigger picture of all my stuff and how my nerves and shit or w/e are wired as someone labeled in contemporary times as/with autistic/adhd/ocd/schizo/anxiety/fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and its comforting to see it more as a symptom of how i can easily get out of wack from there instead of just. eternally always bad (although i was getting okay with that too like i value parts of myself enough i could deal with that being reality without too much mourning beyond how i have no accommodation under capitalism. but still this is better than that even) but its weird finding ways of saying i don’t have to lean into it too much that don’t kinda just trigger me thinking about doctors/peers/etc whove more just saw me as a burden and didn’t care to listen to me before dismissing things as all in my head thus i was exaggerating and not deserving of compassion/care/etc. i know i don’t mean that towards myself but the nuance is a lot to deal with after so recently having that used to hurt me all over again and then in trying to take care of myself actually hurting myself worse. so that adds a weird layer to things i hope i won’t get a complex about lolol but also i guess thats cool i don’t have to beat myself up for not sticking to a fodmap free diet or deciding it wasn’t worth trying to see if i had a gluten intolerance because the food i’d be avoiding would make me more upset than any pain i deal with. like ... whoa.. i wasn’t actually being unreasonable or ridiculous when i thought that or being self destructive?? and i started considering otherwise when i now realize i was already dealing with ED symptom stuff so like . i can tolerate most foods i think at least some of the time??

really curious if i can regain my lactose tolerance considering i only starting being intolerant in the past year so it wasn’t a primary lactose intolerance thing maybe?? and i had some on and off symptoms of my current behaviors that lead to this that whole time so that’d be really cool actually lol i miss just being able to enjoy dairy products (and in retrospect my aversion to even tasting them even with lactaid pills or somethign definitely was liek...... disordered eating stuff lol) 

also curious if my ED stuff had anything to do with my tremors or brain fog getting worse. i defintiely think at least somewhat like yeah. the timeframe makes sense. idk if thats the primary reason for those symptoms because i’ve had them at various points in my life in that combination but the recent upsurge in them and also the fact that most of those days were right after really bad nausea days and also how today i realized i was tremoring a lot in ways i directly associated with feeling weak because of trying to deal with ED related stuff i think that definitely will at least become less constant of a problem in getting over this. those are all symptoms i exhibit in various contexts with various physical and emotional pressures so i don’t think thats their only cause but i think that really does make me so much less worried about why the hell i’ve gotten so much worse so suddenly

scared about how long this will take i feel like i’ve only really had my eating become consistently disordered over the past couple months but idk i’ve had weird episodes for ages and if i really didn’t recognize this was even a problem til right this week idk if i’m thinking back accurately enough. its definitely worse in that period though bc my doctor 2 months ago (also wait... i guess that means its been even longer lol?? no way i lost that all in the couple weeks i really can look back and see my behavior as disordered before that appointment) remarked i lost like 15 pounds since my last visit 3 months ago (they also remarked like that was a good thing lol.) so i guess i’ll keep figuring that out its wild though reading that apparently just getting your stomach back to normal can take at least 2 months like it makes sense but like . jeez. hard to process that i did that and didn’t realize i’d like to think i’ve become so much more in tune with my body these past few years but i guess i’m not doing it the right way even if i’m glad i no longer just stay quiet and tough things out while suffering and dismissing it with no idea whats going on or why and feeling too ashamed and guilty to make it anyone elses problem and not pushing back when others dismiss the slightest thing i bring up. but yeah like i did a lot more than i thought i did with this but also i’m glad i caught it so early i feel almost too weird about saying i have an eating disorder like its like i acknowledged that this week and now i’m trying to recover so. thats good. idk i’ll see i’m sure i have a lot to learn and that kinda sucks i had enough to deal with already without this as a factor but!!!!

[sorikkung]

at this point im not gonna bother w tag rants unless the chapters are rly short no point hiding in the tags when you already know how insane i am <3 lets get to it <3

finding out abt what happened to seonghwa and aisha had my eyes fuckin boggling out of my head HELLOOOO trapped down there for WEEKS next to her family's rotting corpses?? oh my fucking god thats horrifying. i dont even Want to know what/how she was eating n drinking down there enough to stay alive for longer than a week. or maybe just drinking since you can supposedly last three weeks without food. i think. yeah i dont doubt that even a couple hours down there would be traumatising jesus fuck 😭😭😭 seonghwa my poor baby

"Fortunately, it appears he sleeps better having someone to hold onto." both made me so soft and filled me with an overwhelming dread knowing that one day probably soon he will be waking up to an empty bed. unless san and woo finally do smth abt their feelings for him which i Doubt. this scene was so pretty and bittersweet :')

"You suppose if you’re already being selfish, a little more couldn’t hurt." could it. could it really. :::::::::::::::::::::::::)

ok wait i went back to read the mimic chapter because i highkey forgot abt the scene where san holds mc and wanted to reread it and YOOOOU SNEAKY MF YOU.. THE RAT PROBLEM... I DIDNT EVEN THINK... I THOUGHT SEONGHWA WAS ACTING WEIRD HERE BC HE WAS ALREADY THE MIMIC BUT NOW THAT I KNOW THE MIMIC TOOK AISHA FIRST... HE SAW THEM DIDNT HE... it looks like such obvious foreshadowing in hindsight but i didnt catch it. damn, you're good.

WAIT IS THAT WHY SEONGHWA WAS SO MEAN ALL OF A SUDDEN WHILE AISHA WAS STILL THERE. DID HE FIGURE OUT SHE WAS A MIMIC ALREADY AND THAT SHE NOTICED HED SEEN TOO MUCH AND THAT HED BE NEXT SO HE ACTED DIFFERENTLY SO THE OTHERS COULD BE SET OFF... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE U GENIUS... wait or was "aisha" another mimic. i just got to the part where woo slams aisha against the wall and asks abt the rats and where seonghwa is. ok so cool this was not a big reveal and my memory is just bad. dont mind me. nothing to see here, sDFJKHSDFJKHDF so wait then do we know When seonghwa switched places w the mimic? was it from when wooyoung first left him outside and he was looking into the window to check on seonghwa, or was that still seonghwa and he played up his frustrated at woo and kissed mc so that the mimic would get the wrong impression?

ok back to this chapter. as soon as it was another sparring session w san i was like SOMETHING lgbt is going to happen here (i cant say homoerotic bc this is an m/f pair but i refuse to believe that mc is straight so they are going to be looking at each other extremely bisexually. besides whats the het equivalent of "something lgbt just happened to me" anyway.) and LO AND BEHOLD... ive been waiting for san and mc's relationship to get a kickstart after hwa and woo's has had so much development and i am VERY pleased with where this is (was? :') ) going. like i am ALWAYS here for a "apprentice gets the best of the mentor" moment but with the added sexual tension??? DELICIOUS.

i also love how we had an entire scene of san just internally freaking the fuck out in bisexual. like that is so fucking real. but i also love how he acknowledges hes not suddenly in love w mc, he just needs to feel needed and now that she gave him that its starting to hit a bit different. and the way his second thought is abt what woo or hwa would think... boy you are down HORRENDOUS. i respect it deeply.

yk at first i was like is this gonna be another Jealousy Moment™ cause while i usually hate those u manage to make them so delicious somehow. but then i was like its kinda hard to imagine yeosang of all people being this flirty and forward. as soon as he said kuroku tho i was like OH. FUCK. HE KNOWS. here they come. GODDD that fight scene was so TENSE!!!! one of my first thoughts was now mc is going to have all sorts of new burn scars from him. but aw man, woo being the first to find her and come to her defense despite being the one who only Just stopped actively hating her... ohhh that timing... :')

the way that woo obviously figures it out before the fight ends but he STILL fights them off anyway... also is "Then he begins." a callback to seonghwa describing using his gift as just Beginning? bc if so that was incredibly subtle and incredibly clever and packs one hell of a punch i love it. then he Begins. AW YEAH BABY, SHITS ABOUTTA GO DOWN.

and then mc kicking some absolute ASS thanks to sans sword training?? FUCK YEAH!!! SLAYYYY GIRLIE <3 THATS MY GIRL <3 her pride was almost contagious that was so satisfying lololol

ngl when woo ran off w her i thought for a moment like. wait is he going to try and keep it a secret from the others to spare their feelings? like goes "you better be able to still get us a reward in kuroku, so i can play along for now," n then they have to tip toe around why their relationship became so antagonistic again... BUT THEN HE DIDNT. THEN HE. THEN. THEN,

"How your father is dead and there is no money in Kuroku, meaning San could be as good as fucked.

How he completely unravelled himself for you, only to find it was your family that had tied all the knots in the first place."

"You bet he wishes the beasts had finished the job."

"His tears were sad, but they were of the gentle kind, the trusting kind.

These tears are just as raw, but they are born of nothing but fury, of hatred in its most pure form."

i mean, i cant really fault woo for how hes reacting at all, but also bro maybe you Should hear her out like she had a pretty good reason,,, SKJHSKDFHKSDFKG but i mean yeah after growing up in the elemental orphanage i dont expect him to give a shit abt the royal family LMFAO.

hm. would he Really kill her and enjoy it if not for them? his hesitation was quite loud. but then again its believable that that really is why. just think thonking.

"No she's not." OW. OW. AHAHAHAHA, OW. HIS INSTINCTIVE REACTION... NO ONE TOUCH ME.

“Ah,” he says at the realization, setting the sword down on the ground in front of him. He gives you another glance, and you cannot understand his reaction. He does not cry, he does not scream, he does not do anything but smile sadly. “I should have known.”

THIS PART IS FUCKING HEARTBREAKING??? THAT HIS REACTION WAS TO SMILE SADLY??? ngl i thought san might have known or at least Suspected ever since the sapphire, but... aww mannn. aw MANNN...

“How could you not tell me that?” He asks, and his tone is plain. Numb. “How could you go all this time keeping that from me?”

THIS. the implication here that she couldve told him. i feel like this speaks VOLUMES. cause at least to me, it feels very obvious why she didnt tell him - to stay alive, she her best bet was getting to kuroku. they were helping her do that. if she told them she couldn't actually guarantee their reimbursement, what reason would they have to continue with her? telling them would be basically signing her own fate to be left on her own. but he doesnt say "you lied" or "you only ever cared about yourself" or even "you were using me," he says "how could you not tell me?" as if she should've. as if she could've. as if she could've told him and he'd still take her to kuroku, or even keep her secret. or maybe he wasnt and hes just betrayed bc of how close he thought they were but like thats how i read it

“You couldn’t let your guard down but you could sleep with me." i mean, okay, he's rightfully hurt but this feels a little out of pocket, like, i thought we established after their first time in the tavern that sex didnt equal trust or love or anything SKJDFHKFDG but i suppose thats just the easiest way to address the relationship theyd built that was not really platonic in nature?

“You weren’t a fool-”

“Oh, I am,” he cuts you off, lips pursing together. He finally looks at you, and his eyes have begun to glisten, rimmed with tears he does not let fall. “I am because even now I hate to see you cry.”

"If that means there’s a way you can get San the money, come back. If there’s not…”

He trails off, gaze drifting to your sword on the ground, he sighs. “If there’s not then don’t bother.”

you dont even understand. i have a folder of reaction memes ive been building up for years. it has over a thousand images in it. but i dont have a single one that expresses how loud i am screaming over this. like the one i just used was my most insane looking one of this mood i am literally googling new ones bc words are not enough i need to bite someone.

there we go. made this just for u <3 im not going to admit how much effort i put into that <3 anyway! thanks for the brain damage queen you always serve 😊💞💝💘🤪 im going to go eat glass now.

Not all that Glitters is Gold -> 08

series pairing: (fem) princess!reader x seonghwa x san x wooyoung. eventual polyamory.

series masterlist | previous chapter

Part Eight: shame, hot buttered rum, and a rude awakening

series rating: 16+

series genre: action and adventure. romance. angst. fluff. suggestive. fantasy au.

series warnings: character death, blood and violence, weaponry, injury, suggestive content, mxm content, elements of misogyny, language, monsters. (will only be using chapter specific warnings for things not included on this list.)

summary: as a princess fleeing a royal assassination attempt, you have no choice but to put your trust in a band of three thieves in order to reach the kingdom of kuroku alive. however, amongst magic, deceit, and the bounty hunters that are hot on your trail, you realize that you might have stumbled upon a relationship far more complicated than what meets the eye.

chapter details beneath the cut ->

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