#i mean wtf since when can i do digital art

[keepyourlife]

art dump #1 because i'm incredibly normal about things. these are all based on @mangotangerine's radiostatic human!AU on ao3.

it literally pulled me out of an art block that has been going on for literal years. we're so back (also, the author is super kind and obviously so damn talented!!)

[blue-thief]

@galaxynajma here are the actor/artist/writer isakainess hcs i mentioned earlier 🫡 (this got wayy longer than i was expecting it to be so it's basically a fic outline atp

kaiser started off as a child actor which explains... everything

when he was really young he popped up in a few roles for some pretty big movies

his biggest role as a kid though came when he was about ten where he played a big supporting character in a long-running kids' sitcom (think stuff like hannah montana, icarly, etc)

he's more or less cut off contact with his parents but he was fortunate to get a hold of his money once he turned 18

he's since moved out, rents out his own modest apartment, and he's shown up in a few moderately successful things

he's far from being an a-list actor but he's got a decent following

even though most people wouldn't be able to recognize his face, he can mention the stuff he's been in and people will be like "ohh yeah i've heard of that, i've been meaning to check it out"

he usually has to wear makeup to cover up his tattoo. most of his notable roles came before he cut + dyed his hair

his goal is to become an oscar-winning actor and he was able to get the lead role for a really serious film. his new hair just happened to suit the role

meanwhile there's ness the writer

he started off studying something STEM-related to appease his parents. besides, he needs a backup plan just in case the whole writing thing doesn't work out

but he soon dropped out due to being overwhelmed by how intense his competition was

fortunately enough he's still in contact with an ex classmate and he got some money doing copywriting for their side gig's website

on top of that he started submitting flash fiction and poetry to different competitions and magazines like CRAZYYY just to make a little more money

kaiser stumbles across one of his pieces, looks into him a little more, and finds ness's personal blog

he reads up on ness ranting about his parents and how he has no money

at this point kaiser's kinda fallen in love but he doesn't wanna seem too weird

and he reaches out to ness saying, "hey ik this sounds kinda weird but if you really wanna pursue your dreams but you're low on money you can become my roommate"

at first ness is like "wtf is this guy gonna try to kill me"

but he's late on rent and about to get evicted so he's DESPERATE

he agrees to meet kaiser to assess the vibes

and well. obviously ness falls head over heels in love with kaiser

(obv kaiser isn't gonna kill ness but don't follow in ness's footsteps guys you probably won't end up being as lucky)

and it works out great. kaiser's more than happy to cover most of the rent, he's out most of the time filming, and ness just has this bigass apartment where he's got ample space to work

anyway while kaiser's out and about one day he's at this cafe

there's this one worker on break, still in his apron and everything

he's off in the corner doodling something

the worker is isagi

and kaiser notices isagi is drawing HIM

kaiser goes up to him all smug like "wow, are you a fan? you want an autograph?"

and isagi's like "bro idfk who you are i just really liked your tattoo"

they talk a bit and isagi tells kaiser where he can find more of his work

isagi's mostly focused on digital art and commissions but he's also studying animation

kaiser finds his instagram and commissions isagi

"that napkin doodle you made of me was pretty good but i'd love to see how well you can capture my beauty given ample time (and money) ;)"

kaiser quickly becomes isagi's most frequent and highest paying client

you can say he's basically become isagi's (and to an extent ness's) sugar daddy

but kaiser likes to think of himself of those wealthy patrons from the renaissance

kaiser loved swinging by the cafe to ask about isagi's progress on his latest commission

one day he overheard isagi panicking about not being able to pay rent

and kaiser's like "you can move in with me and my roommate if you want"

and well. isagi does exactly that

ness kinda gets all crazy and possessive like "WHO'S THIS HOW DID YOU MEET HIM HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S NOT-"

suffice to say he and isagi don't get along at first

but kaiser's never home so it's mostly just them on opposite sides of the apartment, sending glares at each other every now and then

it's BECAUSE kaiser is never around that isagi and ness are forced to bond with each other eventually

FUCK THIS POSTED INSTEAD OF GETTING SAVED AS A DRAFT

oh whatever i'll probably make this into a fic and fill in the rest that way 😭😭

[tuliptxffi]

★┆Taking Art and Story Requests!

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

Art Requests are open only on Weekends!

Since I have school, I'll only be taking requests on weekends. I can be really busy with tasks that are recorded. (Trying to reach high honors but still can't wtf)

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

Story Requests are open only on weekends aswell

Same reason.

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

♡┆Rules on Art Requesting

No NSFW. Idk how to

Maybe some fluff would work!

No kissing(I'M STILL LEARNING HOW)

Please be patient,I take my time.

I can't draw much bgs so maybe some simple landscapes

Before requesting, you've gotta be a follower.

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

✿┆Rules on Story Requests

Say yes to fluff(I love these kinds!!!)

Say no to smut

I take time so when ur request is isn't answered, that means I'm probably busy or not online

Also be following before requesting.

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

☺︎┆Fandoms

(Yes bc idk other fandoms lol)

I mostly take LOZ and Linked Universe (bonus:the Zeldas!!)

I don't do ben drowned any more but ok?

Skssgsjsb that's all I know

I also do ocs so

───ೋღ 🌺 ღೋ───

Example of my art:

Thank uuuu!!!

♡

Bonus!

You can either request a doodle, sketch, or a full art work!

Can be traditional, or digital!

[slacktivist]

I did an OC!!!! (reference attached) This is my first ever attempt at an actual digital painting and I have absolutely no idea wtf I'm doing.. Please don't give me feedback/critique (unless its praise) because I have really low confidence and I'm just trying to vibe. Anyways, art was always the main thing I genuinely enjoyed and I completely gave it up once I hit adulthood. I'm only picking it up again at 26 because I hated my job, I regretted my degree and I couldn't handle pretending to be a normal 9-5 worker. The money never felt worth it, and that's coming from me who grew up pretty poor. I'm poor again now because I'm still unemployed, but holy fuck I would much rather where I am than continuing to sell my soul to people who couldn't give a flying fuck about me. Truth is, I'm just not a normal person that can do "normal people things" (whatever that is). My job required me to talk to people every day, write reports, go to meetings, do the office things, presentations, emails, all of it. I was so miserable, and I completely lost myself the moment I decided to go to university just so I could make money, instead of moving towards what felt natural to me, no matter the salary. I felt really pressured to break out of the cycle of poverty, so I really wanted to be what I thought was 'realistic' and more 'serous'. I suck at art now compared to what I could do when I was kid. But since I started to embrace my differences instead of fighting against them so hard, I feel a drive to improve again and I feel like this time I can draw/paint without feeling guilty or like I'm wasting my time. I'm allowed to do what I enjoy. So I guess I'll keep posting my progress as I pick things up again and maybe some of the analog stuff I do as well. I won't able to be unemployed for much longer, but I'm definitely not willing to go back to whatever the fuck office life was supposed to be. It sucks because I was fantastic at my job, but only because I'm a magnificent actor/masker/liar/bullshitter. But bullshitting, faking it till I'm making it is exhausting and emotionally damaging. I want everyone else to not be afraid of quitting, failing, doing bad, being poor if it means you can just feel content. I watched my parents sacrifice their bodies to take care of us only to reach their old age in a time of crazy inflation. It's all fucking unfair, the least we can do is be nice to ourselves instead of telling ourselves that we're supposed to be working machines for people who take all credit and all benefit. idk. know your worth and keep grounded.

[hopefulcanary]

@peacelovengranola had a really great question over on my Lord Stark piece that I wanted to answer as a post, since this might get lengthy.

Full disclosure: I am not a historian or anything related to that, I'm just a hobbyist costume geek who loves clothing and history. Please don't consider this The Definitive Guide To anything, just suggestions of what works for me and where to get started when digging in to (specifically Western European & North American) fashion.

For all of my Semi-Historical Stark pieces, my primary sources are artwork from the period (and in some case photos and extant fashion pieces), as well as books. Loooots of books. Once I hit the later 19th century, things like fashion ads, department store catalogs, magazines, and pattern books are incredibly useful tools for fashion history references.

(I recommend avoiding fantasy art depicting mythological folks {gods, the Saints, King Arthur etc} because the fashions get a little, well, fantastical, heads up)

Because there's just so much knowledge out there, and it's intimidating as heck, I go for broad strokes first ("What era do I want to learn about?") then I start carving out specifics.

"Specifics"?

Lord Stark's overall look is from the Renaissance, sure, but specifically England in the 1560s. He's also meant to be a nobleman, as class distinction (and career) is important to how he'd dress, the materials he'd wear, decorative motifs etc etc. While it seems like a lot to keep in mind, think of it as adding filters to a Google search, to help you narrow your focus (and save your sanity).

"But Beck, how do I know a site is legit with their info?"

Look for sources! Any article should list the sources or books they're referencing. Want to avoid Amazon? Thrift used copies or shop directly from the publisher. Can't find physical copies of them, or the copies that do exist are just obscenely expensive? Take advantage of sites like LibGen, Archive.org, and Hathitrust to read digital copies! Or search for Epubs and PDFs, friend!

(Though I would never, ever suggest you illegally download a book that's stupidly overpriced on Amazon or eBay 😶 That would be so wrong and mean to the seller 😶 {please DO support small businesses!})

(Also hilariously, Karolina Żebrowska answered a similar question last year so go watch/read her suggestions too, she actually knows way more than I do.)

Stuff I've been reading:

The Costume Institute at The Met

Fashion History Timeline

A Dictionary of Costume and Fashion - a definite (and cheap, yo!) must if you just want to know wtf something is called, which makes searching for specific examples a breeze.

Reference Book of Women's Vintage Clothing: 1900-1909

The Mode in Costume

Medieval Costume in England and France: The 13th, 14th, and 15th Centuries

European Civil & Military Clothing

Fashion in the Middle Ages

Vintage patterns you can read and reference. These are outstanding if you want to see what regular folks were making for themselves.

Example of a Sears Roebuck catalog from the 20's

Pinterest is a pretty good resource in a pinch, as you can often find fashion albums filtered to specific dates in history. Be aware that they might not always be accurate (unless they're dated on the photo, like with some fashion plates), so you may want to cross-reference as well.

--

This is just a super small sampling of what's out there to read! Don't be afraid to indulge in what you want to learn about either. If you just want to learn about Victorian bustle trends, or Black American hairstyles of the mid-1960s, or the garments of 12th century French peasants, go for it.

If you want to go into even further detail (and if you're a fellow artist), look up how period garments were worn, and the various underthings people wore as well. Get real extra with it and read up on where/how they lived, and their daily lives.

The sky's the limit here, have fun with it 👍 I hope this layperson's primer helps, and makes it a little less daunting.

[dragonshoard]

Yo never apologize about takin time respondin lol, i dont mind at all- we all got lives yk? But yeah, im glad you like the art! Im still doodlin a lot, fighter!jinx is jus so fun to draw! I actually plan to clean those up a bit(probably gonna work on renderin sm digitally but who knows shdghd- tho i think i mentioned that last time too) then i’ll send em ur way uwu

I come at u with more questions now tho lmao, so i’ll jus spit em out n u can answer or not whenever u want

Does jinx react well to vi n cait showin up?? Or does she go batshit? Cause i can also totally picture her starin at em for a moment then goin ‘fuck this shit wtf’ and jus bookin it the other way lmao

If its not too spoilery(which btw- if any of these u wanna keep close to ur chest for fics, do so! I love spicy reveals lmao), when jinx gets her tattoos what meaning does she have for em? And whats ur opinion on the reason she got em in canon?

Does fighter!jinx ever get the necklace/chocker/whatever it is that arcane!jinx wears? Or does she refuse to ever have anything on her neck again?

Would she ever choose to go by jinx for spite? I get that she’s still powder n not as attached to the name, but does she jus go by both? Or pick the name jinx for the public to know her by since that already has a history tied to it? Im guessin vi would call her powder, but what would cait call her?

Oh! And before i forget- the shock collar, how’s that charged? Cause those things need a power source to function, and since it cant just be removed anymore im guessin it has some form of strong/sustainable power source?

N on the line of the collar and cuffs, does she manage to get those off quickly on her own, or does she have to run around for a while with em on? And if tis like that, is the shock collar still active? Could she still be shocked with it?

Oh, and whats ur opinion on there being left over hextech gems from when powder n everyone robbed jayce’s place? Cause ive heard it goin around that theres like- one?? Or smth that she didnt use and was never resolved?? Maybe two?? Based on the cases number(and assuming she grabbed them all which if i remember correctly she did) and since one blew up the apartment, and she used one for the bomb what happened to the others yk?)

(Also can i jus say, i def gets jinx bein a long range fighter in canon n it lowkey fucks with my head tryna picture fighter!jinx punchin n kickin in the pits skdhdjg. Like vi? Vi its easy to picture cause its vi but like,,, it jus does not mesh with jinx in my head lol)

Anyway, hope u have a good day mate! I’ll yeet those drawins ur way sm time soon lol

You’re literally so sweet, I’m so glad she’s fun to draw! Love to see your art in the future regardless if they’re cleaned up or not :DDD

(BTW, I’m working on drawing canon Jinx and fighter!Jinx side by side so I’ll be posting that sometime today or tomorrow. I’m realizing that I don’t think Silco would very much approve of her attire if he actually got to choose it, so her outfit is gonna be a bit different until she gets out. I’m slowly working at the next fic too. Trying to figure out if I should post what I have rn as a first chapter or finish it and then post them - not sure how long it’s gonna be tbh). 

Does jinx react well to vi n cait showin up?? Or does she go batshit? Cause i can also totally picture her starin at em for a moment then goin ‘fuck this shit wtf’ and jus bookin it the other way lmao

Jinx is very emotionally detached from people. I’m still trying to figure out if she and Ekko have reconciled by the time Vi and Caitlyn show up, but it honestly won’t be much different either way. Maybe a bit more stable with Ekko around, but that’s it. 

Regardless, she’s used to being alone and she’s also kind of scared of Vi finding her. You have to remember that this Vi knocked her tf out (by accident, but she doesn’t know that). Part of her, like she thought with Ekko, is thinking that Vi has come to kill her (for killing their family), while another part of her is just scared of being close to people because she’s scared they’ll leave or betray her. She’s more of a runner in this fic than a fighter when the fight comes to her (unless it’s Silco’s people - that’s a whole other story). It’s absolutely a control thing. 

She still goes off the deep end at seeing Caitlyn with Vi (not that she was very stable to begin with). However, in comparison to canon Jinx, she’s more prone to hurting herself versus hurting others. Being alone in a cell with very little stimulation she’s learned to hurt herself - pulling at her hair, hitting herself, etc - as a means of coping. We saw a little of this in Powder’s breakdown in Act I, but it’s more extensive in this AU. There’s a bit more to their reunion considering how volatile in general Jinx is, but I’ll leave it as this for now :)))

Vi is really really sad. I needed to say that. 

When jinx gets her tattoos what meaning does she have for em? And whats ur opinion on the reason she got em in canon?

Honestly, I always thought Jinx’s tattoos in the game were clouds, not smoke, so I’m gonna say in this au they’re clouds (though they’ll look the same). I’ve got a specific scene in mind for this tbh. In canon, I think she did it as memoriam. Basically, a way of grieving (and reminding herself of) the death of Powder’s love for Vi. Silco has done his best to push the narrative that Vi left her, that she betrayed Jinx, and the tattoo was meant to reinforce and remind her of that. 

Does fighter!jinx ever get the necklace/choker/whatever it is that arcane!jinx wears? Or does she refuse to ever have anything on her neck again?

I think she’d refuse to put anything around her neck that would cover the scars, almost like an FU. First, to Silco, and then to anyone who ever thought she worked for him willingly. In the future, she’d probably wear something similar to what in-game!Jinx wears - the bullet necklace with a thin string wrapped around her neck a few times. It barely covers her neck at all.

Edit: I JUST REALIZED THAT THERE MOTHER HAD A SIMILAR NECKLACE TO JINX. I want her to have it now just for that. 

Would she ever choose to go by jinx for spite? I get that she’s still powder n not as attached to the name, but does she jus go by both? Or pick the name jinx for the public to know her by since that already has a history tied to it? Im guessin vi would call her powder, but what would cait call her?

Oh, YES, she absolutely goes by Jinx for the spite factor (also for other reasons too). She wants Silco to know she’s coming, she wants him to know that it’s the monster he created, his Jinx, that is going to destroy him. It’s easier for her to stay in that mindset rather than weave in and out of it, so she does go by just Jinx for a long while. I feel like she considers “Powder” as a name, an identity, that is extremely precious (bordering on innocent) to her and she wants to protect it. As a result, while she hurts and kills, she does it in Jinx’s name, not Powder’s. Though Powder is pretty blood thirsty herself. 

Oh! And before i forget- the shock collar, how’s that charged? Cause those things need a power source to function, and since it cant just be removed anymore im guessin it has some form of strong/sustainable power source?

While the collar isn’t removable, some of it’s parts are. There are components that need to be regularly replaced, including the shimmer injections and the power source for some of the collar’s other functions (the shock being one of them). She sees the doctor a minimum of once a week for both restraint maintenance and enhancement “treatment”. 

N on the line of the collar and cuffs, does she manage to get those off quickly on her own, or does she have to run around for a while with em on? And if tis like that, is the shock collar still active? Could she still be shocked with it?

The restraints are not going to come off all at once and she will struggle with them (considering the ones on her neck and legs have no keys). You’ll see :)))))

Oh, and whats ur opinion on there being left over hextech gems from when powder n everyone robbed jayce’s place? Cause ive heard it goin around that theres like- one?? Or smth that she didnt use and was never resolved?? Maybe two?? Based on the cases number(and assuming she grabbed them all which if i remember correctly she did) and since one blew up the apartment, and she used one for the bomb what happened to the others yk?)

She did initially take 5 (the 6th one was what caused the explosion in the workshop). I noticed there were at least 4 in the breakdown scene, but she used 3 of them in the monkey bomb. I’m honestly not sure where the rest went, because there’s 2 floating around somewhere but no one knows where. Personally, I’m somewhere between it being an error on Riot’s part and/or the other two showing up somewhere down the line in season 2. 

(Also can i jus say, i def gets jinx bein a long range fighter in canon n it lowkey fucks with my head tryna picture fighter!jinx punchin n kickin in the pits skdhdjg. Like vi? Vi its easy to picture cause its vi but like,,, it jus does not mesh with jinx in my head lol)

And no it messes with my head too. Though, even in Arcane, she is still pretty good at short range. It’s just not her specialty. But it is half of the reason why she almost immediately switches up fighting styles after getting out. Jinx realizes pretty quickly that her usual methods in the pits aren’t going to work, so she adapts.  Short range, her signature style is essentially to trap them and... pick them off one by one (imagine those scenes where there’s a group of people that are disappearing one by one into the shadows and everyone is scared/confused and concerned about who's going to be next). 

Dramatic AF

I like to imagine she does her best to avoid fighting in an open area or in the light, but is a lot more vicious when she’s forced to (it’s when the “punch and kick them until they die” attitude becomes very apparent).

Hope you have a great day too :DDDDD 

[copias-thrall]

Cause I'm Young and I'm Here and So Beautiful

A look into the rise and fall of Mary Goore's flash-in-the-pan modeling career.

~12.5K Mary Goore/Reader *drug/alcohol use; mentions of past child abuse; brief homelessness; plot no porn; POV shift*

This fic was inspired by and is very loosely based on Aurelio Voltaire's early days in NYC in the 90s, though I have set it in Boston in the early aughts. 😊

Many thanks to the artists who did commissions for this! 🥰

One Way Streets

Mary stepped off the regional rail and gripped his backpack. He had $72.57 in cash rolled into his socks and a give-em-hell attitude.

When he’d packed his bag the night before, he wasn’t even sure if he’d go through with it, but he couldn’t stand being home anymore. Some of his friends had told him he was crazy.

"Three more months, dude. You got this. Just finish high school, then bounce."

But they didn’t have to live with his dad and the step-monster. Every day was a new indignity. Having them bitch about his music and his style was one thing—that he could have dealt with—but everything else had just kind of…escalated.

Now that the kiddies were older, they’d turned into gremlins. They’d somehow sensed that Mary wasn’t their beloved older brother—he was some sort of half other. They’d stopped questioning why "mom was so mean" to him and had accepted that she was because there was something wrong with Mary. They realized they could be little shits and blame everything on him.

And dad just didn’t care. He’d throw up his hands and say, "I have to live with her"—as if Mary wasn’t in the same boat.

Dad hadn’t stopped her when—in a rage—she’d smashed every single vinyl album Mary had owned because the twins ruined her nice tablecloth. He’d shrugged when she cut all Mary's guitar strings so he couldn’t play "the devil’s music." He’d held Mary back when she took a match and burned all his secret stuff that Mary kept under his bed—action figures, books, guitar mags, journals—in the backyard because he got detention for smoking. He hadn’t said a word when the police showed up after she came at Mary with scissors because he’d dyed his hair black and he’d pushed her away before she could scalp him.

Mary thought for sure he was going to get carted off to jail as she screamed about him terrorizing the family and being afraid he was going to kill her sons in their sleep, but the officers had just looked at her bored and told her being a teenager wasn’t a crime.

So, no: Mary couldn’t wait 3 more months.

He’d scraped together what money he had left from his secret shifts working as a busboy under the table at a local dive downtown, packed his backpack with the essentials, and walked the 5 miles to the train station instead of going to school.

Eighteen was 10 weeks away. He could fudge it for a few months, especially since he could already get away without using his fake ID to get into shows most of the time.

So, to the big city it was.

He shifted his weight and tried to pretend that he belonged here in Boston, but actually facing the busy streets was a lot different from looking at a bird’s-eye view map. He had a printout in his pocket, but he didn’t want to look like a doe-eyed tourist. So he set off down the seemingly labyrinthine streets in the direction he could have sworn was the correct one.

It wasn't.

When he came out a side alley into Faneuil Hall, he almost wondered if he'd gone through a fairy portal, since he was clear on the other side of town. Begrudgingly, he checked his creased map, and set out once more.

And ended up spit out by the State building.

Finding the hostel turned into a fraught adventure, and he got turned around several times more. When he tried to ask for directions, most people pushed past him while one lady shoved $5 at him. He used the cash to buy a hotdog, and it was the vendor who ultimately gave him directions in his thick, Southie accent.

Of course, making it to the hostel ended up being just part one. The rates were almost double what it stated online ("Sorry, honey—that site hasn’t been upgraded since the 90s."), and two nights were practically all his savings. Mary had thought he’d at least have a couple of days to find a job, not 36hrs.

He left the hostel, wondering for the first time if maybe he shouldn’t go back home…but he decided it was a nice day out. Surely there was some place he could hunker down. Just for the night.

What he hadn’t anticipated was the cops at every fucking turn telling him to move along. And any place out of line-of-sight seemed to already be inhabited.

He finally found a place behind some rocks in the Seaport where he didn’t think he’d be murdered in his sleep, curled around his backpack, and drifted off into a fitful sleep.

Mary woke up damp from the dew and the morning sun streaming into his eyes. The birds were creating an awful racket, but Mary guessed it was as good an alarm clock as any.

He ran his fingers through his bird's nest of hair, and he made his way back to the South Station. The men’s room may have smelled like a sewage treatment plant, but at least it was free. He had expected it to be mostly empty at the crack of dawn, but it was full of commuters making that last run to the head before they had to take the train 2hrs out of the city for work.

And it was a sight: a bunch of suits with their fancy lattes washing their hands, and Mary in the corner trying to surreptitiously wipe down with paper towels under his Misfits t-shirt and his shredded jeans. At school, he’d have probably gotten into several altercations by now—no one would have let him just turn into Mary Goore without a fight—but this was Boston, and no one gave him more than a cursory glance.

Just another college kid.

It emboldened Mary to go full-out in the kind of way he had only done when going out to the punk shows downtown at night: kohl all the way around his eyes, and some on his cheekbones; mascara because his lashes are long and thick, and he knows it (his dad had said it made him look hard, and Mary had sneered that maybe that was what he’d been going for. But maybe it had been because he’d liked the way it had made his green eyes pop.); a smear of the step-monster’s fanciest matte lipstick on his full lips; and airplane glue in his hair to give it that lift.

He made a kissy face at himself in the mirror, and headed back out.

It was a nice Spring day—almost boiling in the direct sun—and it tempted Mary to wear only his battle vest, but even he kind of figured applying to jobs half dressed was a mistake.

He walked all over the city, trying not to get lost, looking for any kind of work—dishwasher, busboy, barback—but all he had to show for it was blistered feet and a raging appetite. The only good part of the day was that he noted any restaurant or bakery that looked like it might toss perfectly good food at the end of the day.

He and his friends had become experts at dumpster diving in his podunk town, and he felt confident that he had a good feel for a jackpot. Mary staked out a bakery and was rewarded with a find of "old" bagels. He shoved as many as he could into the nooks and crannies of his backpack before slinking off to the Commons to inhale at least two of them.

Cold, stale dough never tasted so good.

He watched the tourists and the professionals walk by in ones and in groups while he ran his bare feet through the grass. Some laughed with each other as they sauntered down the path while others seemed singularly intent on their ultimate destination. A pack of dogs ran and played with each other as their owners looked on fondly, and nearby the baseball diamond hosted a casual game.

Mary counted his lucky stars that his first week in Boston was April at its kindest—always mild during the day, even when it turned cloudy, and a few times even downright warm. The nights turned chilly, though, and it had Mary in more layers than an onion. If the birds or damp didn't wake him, his butt cramps from being curled in a tight ball all night did.

He spent those days walking around the city proper looking for work. He wasn't adventurous enough to make the leap across the bridges to Cambridge just yet, but his travels gave him a good sense on how the different sections of Boston connected—and showed him potential places to crash at night. He didn't even mind living off day-old garbage food and drinking from bubblers (he'd bought a water for the express purpose of reusing the bottle), but the barren wasteland that seemed to be the job market was beginning to weigh on him.

At home, he could always find a shit job if he was willing to put up with shit hours and ridiculous requests. Here, though, Mary was just one of many desperate people willing to do desperate work.

And he didn’t look particularly trustworthy or reliable.

@dipendancesld

Hashtag WTF

I’m scrolling through Insta on the T, and I’m way down the rabbit hole of hashtags. New content was at a minimum this morning (how can I follow accounts in triple digits and only see the same 4 posts?!), so I’d started with some art tags and ended up where I usually end up—trolling social media for blurry pictures of my boy.

His band has been a local staple for years—or at least that’s what he told me on our first date. I had just moved from New York after a nasty breakup, ready to start fresh, and I’d seen him at a coffee shop hanging posters for his next show in his leather jacket, asymmetrical Metallica crop top, and stomping boots.

Fresh had never looked so good.

Then, a few months back, an online publication had featured his band in the year’s 50 best bands "you’ve never heard of," and now the band's starting to gain traction.

He’s starting to gain traction.

Finding the new online content of him first has become a game the two of us play. We had to stop counting images posted from the popular fan accounts because Mary's now acquaintances with most of them, and I said it was hardly fair to snipe me that way. Mary had pouted—but it was to cover up his grin. So now we troll for the pictures of his latest gig or at his favorite haunts from either his  casual fans or one of his new ones. I even have a whole range of hashtag typos saved if I really want to triumph, since Mary just doesn't have the attention span.

I usually win, though, by virtue of not keeping Rockstar Hours—and because Mary doesn’t have a smartphone. Mary delights in spending the wee hours while I'm sleeping finding new content, and I'll often wake to one he's pulled up on my laptop and a "suck it" sticky note stuck to my monitor.

(But I’m reigning supreme.)

There’s a thirst tag I sometimes comb through (for reasons), and today I’m desperate for that morning serotonin to keep me from dozing off, which is why I stumble across a particularly convincing cosplayer in some…risqué poses and outfits.

The dude is really good, and I have to admit he really does have Mary’s mannerisms down pat. He’s younger and a little skinnier than Mary is now, but his facial expressions are on point. I zoom in to see the contouring technique because he's using one of those filters to make it look old…and that’s when I sense something off. I can’t quite place my finger on it, but usually there’s an uncanny valley to his serious cosplayers, and this dude looks so real. He’s even 100% accurate with the mole placement, which is something I never see.

My heart does a flip-flop.

Is that…actually Mary?

Foundling

Mary's sixth night in the city, it rained. It was more of a brief Spring shower, but it was still enough to soak him and his backpack through. He shivered through the early morning hours until the sun came up, then he made his way to the Commons to lay his belongings—and himself—out into the sun to dry.

By midday, he had a slight sunburn across his nose, but most of his things were dryish—though the food was a soggy lost cause. He cut his losses and decided to buy a sausage from the hotdog vendor, even if that meant he was down to $52.37 in his sock bank.

It was the most amazing thing he'd ever eaten in his entire life (sometimes he still dreams of it), and he gobbled it down as he sat in the grass and watched the show of people pass by.

He could take today off from his job search.

Just another Groundhog Day of rejections.

A gaggle of kids about his age walked past, and he lit up when he saw them: studs and bright hair and cuffs and combat boots. They ran and shrieked and shoved at each other, and Mary had never felt such longing to be a part of something.

Not that nebulous feeling of "my world is out there somewhere," but "my world is right there if I can just get to it."

And he realized maybe he could.

These were his people.

Mary hopped off the bench and approached the boisterous group.

"Uh, hey…guys."

The pack stopped and looked him over, confused but not hostile.

"Oh hey, man" said a girl with green fins and a studded, leather jacket.

"Hey."

I have nowhere to go. Can I go with you?

"Sorry, I forgot your name."

"Oh, you don’t—"

A guy in a tight striped shirt, snake bites, and blue hair interrupted him.

"Shit, were you in my intro into film class last year?"

Mary was a high school dropout.

"Nah, dude. I’m new and shit."

…But he wasn’t stupid.

A curvy white goth with bleached blonde hair and a cream princess dress smiled at him.

"Aww, that’s rough, honey. If you think about it, they really ought to give transfers on-campus housing. It sucks to be so new and away from the action."

Mary nodded. "Yeah. Sucks."

"Well, we’re going to The Pit, wanna come?"

"If you guys don’t mind…"

"Fuck, the more the merrier!"

Mary smiled as they assimilated him into the group. He found out the goth’s name was Vanessa ("But call me Vanity."), green fins was Alexa ("Or Alex. I’m trying it out."), striped shirt was Billy, and the two other punks were Mandi (Manic Panic red) and Aaron (band tee, spiked collar).

No one laughed at him when he introduced himself as Mary or asked him why he had a girl’s name.

They took him onto the T at Charles MGH, and Mary marveled at the setting sun over the Charles River before the train ducked underground to barrel in Cambridge. At Harvard, they ushered him off the train and directly into The Pit, and Mary almost cried when he saw the pit rats there playing hacky sack, strumming guitars, and smoking cloves. Mary watched as his group high-fived, bumped chests, and hugged nearly everyone there before introducing him as if they’d known him for years.

He was shit at hacky sack, but he accepted a round on the guitar and shared a clove with a white girl who had a rat's nest of hair.

"Fuck their beauty stands," she said when she caught Mary staring.

Mary smiled and pointed to his own mess of hair. "Fuck ‘em," he repeated.

She cackled and handed him a brown bag with what he expected to be whiskey, but tasted like turpentine.

She laughed harder at his face as he coughed, and she pounded him on the back.

"Moonshine, dude. Lenny makes it in his bathtub."

"Which one is Lenny," Mary asked as he wiped off his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Oh, he’s not here. He goes to MIT. We have a strict trade agreement—booze for pot. I’m Katie."

Head fuzzy, Mary had made out with her until Aaron tugged on his arm.

"Shit dude, we gotta go before the T closes. You live close to here?"

"Uh…"

"Aww, I think he got into Lenny’s moonshine," said Vanity. "If he’s a transfer, I bet he’s at some shithole in Allston. You in Allston, honey?"

Mary just nodded.

"All right then," said Alex, taking charge. "We’ll put him up tonight. There’s no way he’s gonna make it back to Allston by himself, and I’ll be fucked if I’m trekking out there without a BU party to crash."

Mary wobbled slightly as Alex took his arm in his and led him to the T.

"Ok, we gotta go now or we’ll all be hoofing it."

They took Mary back to their dorm by the Hatch Shell and signed him in as a guest.

"Is this ok?" Mary asked warily—he didn't want to get kicked out in the middle of the night.

Mandi patted him on the back.

"We do it all time. No one really gives a shit. Vegan Mick dropped out 2 semesters ago and they don’t even check for his ID."

That night, Mary slept in the common room on a lumpy couch that was half as long as he was.

It was heaven.

The next morning seemed like the end, and Mary slumped as Vanity to sign him out. For one brief day he'd been a part of something, and now it was back to Mary, party of one. But Vanity took one look at his face and asked if he wanted to get breakfast at the dining hall.

Of course, he wanted to…but he thought of the dwindling cash in sock bank and hesitated. Vanity, bless her, misread his trepidation.

"It's on me, sweetie. I know most transfers don’t opt in. Too expensive when it’s not bundled. No worries, I got a ton of points I don’t use."

Alex and Aaron were already half done with their food when Vanity and he joined them, and they looked on in amusement as Mary ate half the breakfast buffet.

When the subject of classes came up, he shrugged off questions.

"None this morning."

Alex narrowed her eyes at him.

"What year did you say you were?"

"Sophomore."

"Not a freshman?"

Mary shook his head. "I’m not a freshman."

She seemed about to ask another question, so Mary quickly changed the subject.

"I thought I’d spend the day applying for jobs. You guys know of any place that’s hiring?"

"No work study?"

"No."

"What kind of work you looking for?"

"Shit, anything. I’ll sweep the fucking floors."

They bandied about ideas, places for Mary to try, but no one had any leads. Too soon, some unknown gong had them scurrying to get to class.

Mary suddenly panicked.

"Hey, do you guys mind if I spend the night again? I mean…"

"Yeah, sure," said Vanity. "Aaron?"

"Yeah, man. Meet me after class and I'll swipe you in."

It apparently was a time-honored tradition, passed down from upperclassmen to underclassmen, on gaming the guest system. Most kids used it to essentially move their significant others into their dorm rooms, but a handful every year used it to give haven to others who had questionable housing situations.

So, just like that, Mary had a place to rest his bones.

@dilfpassing

A Deeper Look

I’m so intent on scrolling through the comments on the grainy pics—which I'm sure now are actual scans—that I completely miss my stop, and I have to put my phone away so I can wheeze lightly jog my way to where I work as a receptionist at an alternative hair salon.

It’s really important that I start a good hour before we open so I can return any calls left on our voicemail first thing in case I can fit anyone in today. Which means I have to shelve my find for now, much to my irritation.

Mornings are super-busy because apparently there are some people in the world that like getting up with the sun and want everything done by noon. (June Cleaver’s salon lets me get away with a lot—like coming to work in denim short-shorts and ripped tights, free hair colors, and a snarky attitude—but late start times aren’t one of them.) I honestly don’t have room in my brain to obsess about the pictures because I’m too busy answering calls, making coffee, settling accounts, and giving the new customer spiel for the 57th time to a walk-in.

It’s just after midday, when Penny, the shampoo girl, collects my cash for the salon-wide sandwich run, and I finally have a moment to breathe. And obsess.

I take out my phone again, and I have to retrace my steps because of course the app has refreshed, which is why Sonia has the time to look over my shoulder.

"Missing dream boy’s dick so much you gotta spend your lunch hour ogling pics of him on the internet?"

I zoom in on the one of maybe!Mary in his underwear.

"Who does that look like to you?"

Sonia makes a guh sound in her throat and backs away.

"I don’t need to see your intimates!"

"That’s the thing! It’s not mine!"

"Your boy’s nudes get leaked??"

I wave my arms around.

"I don’t freakin’ know! They may not even be him. Fucking. C’mere and help me out!"

Sonia warily creeps back over, and so does Ryan, since all the yelling has attracted him.

The three of us peer over the phone as I scroll through the images again.

By the time Penny comes back with lunch, we’ve gone back and forth on who’s in the images—Mary or a fake—and I haven’t been able to do any actual research. The afternoon rush starts, and I have to table the whole thing again, having made no progress at all.

It isn’t until near-closing, when most of the other stylists have gone home—and it’s only June who does the post-work crowd—that I can really dig into the matter.

A deep dive and a couple of defunct, decade-old forums later, I find that what I took as an aspirational hashtag was actually the name of a zine called "Heroes."

There’s like, zero online trail about it—except for a few other grainy scans of other pages of articles, poetry, concert pictures, and art—but it seemed to be an early aughts missive for local underground culture and color.

It still doesn’t explain why Mary’s in there in various states of undress and poses.

Or why Mary has never said a word about it to me.

Stripped Bare

Mary settled into a sort of routine. He spent most days looking for a job—any job—with his backpack full of food from their dining hall. Most nights he rotated couches on different floors so the RAs didn’t notice that he basically lived there.

He made friends with Vegan Mick for about 5 seconds until Mary had eaten an entire Rotisserie chicken from 7-11 in front of him. Mick had launched into a whole spiel, and Mary had pointed out that Mick's jacket and Docs were made of leather. He’d only meant it as a joke—a callout in answer to a callout, like he'd do with his friends back home—but Vegan Mick had turned purple, then iced Mary out every time he saw him after that.

Oops.

The brief friendship had lasted long enough, however, for Mick to give Mary some tips and tricks of being homeless.

Homeless.

That had been a tough pill to swallow. Until Vegan Mick had put Mary’s situation like that, Mary had just thought of himself between places.

But it was true: he didn’t live anywhere. He skated by on the kindness of his new friends, and he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the ruse of "transfer student who didn’t like his shithole apartment and was too busy job searching to concentrate on classes."

He still spent a few nights a week finding an out-of-the-way place outside to hunker down in or huddling in with Katie and a few of the other gutter punks under their boxes in the corners of the T stations. He knew they would have been more than happy to make room, anyway, but Mary always emptied his backpack of all the pilfered dining hall food for distribution amongst them.

It honestly wasn't so terrible now that he had friends and a warm place to go on cold or rainy nights, but.

He needed an actual place to live. To afford an actual place to live, he needed a job. To get a job, he needed a place to live.

It seemed like a catch-22, and he began to despair that he’d never get ahead…until Mandi offered him a leg up.

Mary was sitting on the grass in the Commons in the shade, thinking that with summer coming up, maybe he could fudge it until the gang came back in September. There was always Katie and The Pit, and Mary was sure he could chip in somehow.

Mandi sat down next to him.

"I thought that mess of hair was you, Mare."

"Hey, Mandi. What’s kicks?"

"You still looking for a job?"

Mary put his head in his hands and sighed.

"Don’t remind me."

"You over 18?"

Just last week. But Mary hadn’t said, since they thought he was a Sophomore.

"Yeah."

"Wanna be at least 21?"

Mary grinned at her.

"That’s what my fake ID says."

She laughed, a tinkling thing.

"You got anything against strip clubs?"

Mary furrowed his brows at her.

"Uh…what’s the right answer here?"

She shoved him playfully.

"Do you want a job?"

"Yeah?"

"Then say no."

"No. No problems with strip clubs." He squinted at her. "Are they looking for male strippers?"

She laughed again.

"Definitely not." She canted her head at Mary. "I mean, you're very pretty, Mare. I could probably put you on as one of the girls…even with these triple As," she flicked playfully at his nipple, which had him grunting and batting at her, "but I was thinking more behind the scenes."

Mary held up his arm and made a weak muscle.

"I don’t think I’d be much of a bouncer, Mands."

"You said you’d wash dishes, sweep floors and shit, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, the club I work at—"

"The club at you what now?"

Mandi gave him a strange look.

"Yeah. The strip club I work at."

Mary’s eyes bugged out.

"As a…waitress?"

"As a stripper, Mary. Duh." At his dumbfounded look she shook her head. "It’s kind of extra credit, as a dance major. I’m going to turn it into my thesis. Plus, I make hella bank."

She swept her arm across the park that made up her college "campus."

"How else do you think I can afford this rock-and-roll lifestyle? Not all of us are here on scholarship or mom and dad’s dime."

She tilted her head at him.

"I thought you’d get it."

When Mary didn't respond, she touched his shoulder.

"Mare. I know you don't go here."

"W-what…? I…"

He looked at her, wide-eyed as the blood drained from his face.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm not gonna tell anybody. Not if you don't want me to."

Mary looked down. "Thanks." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You know that means I've got no address."

Mandi bumped his shoulder and waved his words away.

"A lot of the girls dance. Paddy is used to dorm rooms as addresses. You can use mine."

Mary looked at her, hoping he could convey every ounce of gratitude he was feeling.

She grinned and punched him in the shoulder.

"So, you up for it? Sweeping floors and bussing tables?" She leveled a look at him. "Cleaning up puke?"

Anything.

"Fuck, I’m desperate, Mands. I’ll hold their hair back if it means a paycheck."

"That’s the spirit!"

***

Mary was sure Patrick was part of the mob—or at least in cahoots. The guy had taken one look at Mary’s ID and had said, "But how old are you really?" and Mary had said, "Nineteen."

Patrick had thrown up his hands. "Well, you ain’t gonna be serving alcohol anyway, kid. Your job is to do whatever I tell you. Some asshole breaks a bottle, you clean up the glass so the girls don’t hurt themselves. Some idiot ralphs all over the toilet seat, you scrub the shit out of that fucker. A bachelor party leaves a table a hot mess, you better be out there clearing off the table for the next one, got it?"

Mary had nodded.

"You show up at 5 to help the girls set up the bar. You stay til whenever it takes to close down—but you only get paid 'til 2am—and you get an hour to eat, unpaid. You don’t bother the girls, and," Patrick had leaned in, "you don’t steal from me."

Mary had gulped and nodded emphatically.

Patrick had jabbed a finger at him. "That includes the booze. If I get fucked because some snot-nosed, underage kid is drinking with my good friends Jim and Johnnie, I’m gonna be very put out."

"Got it, sir."

"Don’t call me sir. I’m Paddy to my friends, so you can call me Patrick."

"Yes, Patrick."

Patrick had looked him over.

"You get paid as an independent contractor just like the girls, so you gotta deal with your own taxes, you got that? I’ll start you at $10 an hour."

Mary’s eyes had gone wide. Back home he was lucky to get 5.

"Ten…?"

Patrick had tilted his head again.

"No, you’re right, 12. Do a good job, and I’ll think about raising it to 15."

Mary had to physically stop his jaw from dropping.

"You do weeknights for now so if you fuck up it’s not that much of a problem. If you don’t fuck up and the girls don’t hate you, you can get weekends. Deal?"

Mary had sat up straighter. "Deal." He’d held his hand out, but Patrick had just looked at it until Mary pulled it back into his side.

"Ariel vouched for you, so I’m giving you a shot. Don’t make her regret it."

Mary had shaken his head as Patrick had handed him some forms to fill out.

"Come back at 4 tomorrow with these and we’ll get you started. Now, get out, I got shit to do."

Mary had taken the forms and skedaddled.

Mandi was outside waiting for him, all smiles.

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah, but fuck—your boss is scary."

"Nah, he’s a teddy bear."

***

The job was awful.

The puke was an almost nightly occurrence, and by the end of the first week, little cuts covered Mary’s hands from the broken glass. The customers were loud, rowdy, and acted as if their mother was going to clean up after them.

Mary swore he would never get the beer smell out. It now lived in his soul.

One dude punched Mary and broke his nose for no reason Mary could tell before the bouncers dragged the guy away. The girls gave him some tampons to stop the bleeding, and Mary finished his shift.

Patrick paid Mary in cash at the end of every week with a "It’s your job to report that, not mine," and at the end of the month, Patrick bumped Mary up to $15/hr. He worked 5 days a week because, according to Patrick, "The Lord gave us a day of rest, and you get one day off per week."

Mary never reported a single cent to the IRS.

The girls loved him, and joked that Patrick had gotten them a pet. They showed him winged eyeliner and smokey eyes and how to contour. They guffawed when they watched him try out their shoes like a newborn deer. On slow nights, they tried to show him pole techniques.

He saw the gang less and less because by the time they were getting out of class, he was going into work, and when he was done work, they were crawling into bed. Fortunately, the desk sitters seemed to forget that he wasn’t an on-campus "student" and didn’t even bother signing him in anymore. There were a few sticklers, but Mary found that—while back home he was less than scum—here, he attracted all the right kinds of attention…and a smirk with the right compliment went a long way.

By the time their school year ended, Mary had saved up $1,000 (and he needed to transfer his money out of sock bank and into the ripped lining of his jacket).

Even though they didn't know just how much they'd saved him, Mary showed up on the last day as thanks to help them all move their stuff into family cars or rented trucks. They hugged him goodbye and said to ring them next semester.

Mandi bopped him on the nose and told him to keep his nose clean.

Mary took a sublet in Allston with 2 BU kids and a Berkley grad student. The "room" was a closed-in porch with a sleeping bag left by the last resident—but it was $400 a month until September, utilities included.

At first, Mary didn't know why the gang was so snobby about Allston, but the summer seemed to be one continual party. It didn't matter what day Mary got up, there were always broken beer bottles and stale beer on their front stoop, and the apartment had a designated watering can for washing away the vomit that dripped down from the top porches to their own.

But he took it in stride, and when he wasn’t at the strip club or sleeping, he was partying with the BU kids, or letting the Berkley grad show him better string fingering techniques.

Mary still tried to get out to The Pit with what groceries he could spare, but Katie had moved on with some of the others to do a protest tour with an activist street band that had come through town, and without her or the gang, it made Mary feel lonely.

By the end of the summer, Mary had saved up enough money for first, last, and security. He even had some left over to buy more than ramen and some new clothes. To Mary, it felt like a million dollars. He rented a garden-level apartment in the cheap part of Jamaica Plain for September 1st and spent that entire day with the BU dudes driving around in their rented truck for Allston Christmas’s best furniture finds.

Mary ended up with a mattress that he hoped on a wish and a prayer didn’t have bedbugs, a mismatched set of dishes, plastic drawers that were slightly warped, and a broken futon frame he swore he would fix. Throw in a few sets of slightly used string lights, and Mary’s cave felt downright homey.

When the gang got back, he simply told them he’d dropped out.

"Yeah, I just don’t think college is for me. Music’s my real passion, you know?"

Alex had groaned.

"I knew that Berkley kid was gonna be a bad influence on you."

Mary shrugged.

"My grades were shit anyway. But I’m still around, you know. The strip club’s only a block from campus."

"Because we saw you so much then," deadpanned Billy.

"Hey! Stop piling on Mary," said Vanity. "He’s following his path."

Mary shot her a wide smile.

"Thanks, Vanity."

Patrick finally gave him a little more leeway with his days off, and Mary started taking Saturday night to join the gang in Harvard Square for the shadow cast of Rocky Horror. One of Aaron’s classmates, Amber, was in it, and they all wanted to support her.

Mary felt that something again. That thing that told that this was his place and his people. This eclectic group who got up in front of strangers every week in their underwear for free enthralled Mary.

He and Amber bonded immediately, and Mary began going even without the gang. The cast welcomed him in as an honorary groupie, and Mary's friendship with the gang waned. There was still Mandi to cavort with at the strip club, but now when Mary wasn't there, he was at any one of the Rocky crew's apartments getting high and playing dress up.

"You’ve got such a Look, Mare," sighed Amber. "I’d kill for your cheekbones."

"I’d kill for your tits."

She slapped him playfully. "Don’t be gross."

"No, I’m serious. Someone once put it in my head that I'd be a hot chick."

The girls had giggled and proceeded to dress him up in bras and corsets with cutlets. They added a wig, and the glo-up surprised even Mary.

Still buzzed, they went out for girl’s night and hit up all the bars in Fenway and flirted their way to free shots from the dude bros before batting their falsies at bouncers to let them into the clubs ahead of the line and without the cover.

The cutlets eventually became a nuisance—and soon they were all flapping them about above their heads as they danced—but Mary had loved the feel of the lace and satin corsets against his skin.

When they’d all collapsed in a pile at the end of the night, Mary wondered if they’d tell him where to get some lingerie for himself.

***

By August, Mary was ready to quit the strip club.

He was tired of cut fingers (they were making it hard to play the guitar he’d bought), the drunks, and the sick everywhere. Now that he had a little cushion, he thought maybe he could at least find something with better hours.

Mandi had graduated and was well into a summer internship at Disney in hopes they’d bring her on as a dancer.

Alex had also graduated and moved out to LA to make it as a film editor.

Vanity and Aaron had started dating after finals, and they had moved in together in Cambridgeport for their last year.

Billy had stopped going to classes before dropping out altogether. No one seemed to know what happened, and when they called his home, his mother just said he was unavailable.

There didn’t seem to be much reason to stick around the Grid anymore, and it was a bitch of a commute back to his place if he wasn’t going to hang out with the Rocky crew. He landed a job at a record store that was walking distance to his apartment.

Patrick seemed surprisingly sad to see him go, saying, "Ah, the good ones smart up," and gave him a $500 bonus for not "fucking up."

Tim, one of the older Rocky people, turned out to not live too far from him, and when Mary started hanging out there, so did the party.

Now that Mary was no longer shackled by the strip club’s hours, his world opened a few more degrees. He spent his nights dressing up while he watched the cast rehearse. (When he showed them a move or two he learned from the women at the club, they tried to get him to do a guest star as Frank. But Mary had shaken his head and said that wasn’t the kind of performing he wanted to do.)

When they weren't rehearsing, they dragged Mary to TT The Bear’s, The Middle East, and The Milky Way Lounge for underground shows. They took him to fetish night at ManRay after a trip to Hubba Hubba for pleather and lingerie, and Mary made a lot of new friends.

Sometimes, Mary would show up to work straight off a night out in his club clothes, eyeliner smudged and lipstick smeared. It should have got him fired, but his boss just shrugged.

"I used to keep rockstar hours too."

Mary still wore all his old vestiges—his battle vest and his ripped jeans—it was just that now he sometimes added a corset and heels.

Wherever Katie was now, he hoped she knew he was still fucking their beauty standards.

ry.omen Insta

Answer Me This

I practically vibrate the entire way back to our place. I'm still trying to wring information out of the internet like it's too-wet clothes, but the only thing I accomplish is making myself motion sick on the bus, so I put my phone back in my pocket and breath through my nose.

When I get home, Mary is sprawled across the couch in his pjs with various limbs hanging over sides and edges as he watches some extreme sport show on my laptop.

I wonder if he just got up, but I see the start of dinner on the stove, so I decide not to snark at him.

"Hey," he says without looking up.

I am, however, gonna need some answers on "Heroes."

I gently close the laptop, and he meets my eyes.

"What?"

I climb onto the couch, and Mary’s limbs recede like vines to make room for me as I scroll through my phone to my photo app where I’ve saved screenshots.

"Lucy," I say in a terrible accent, "you have some ‘splaining to do!"

Mary squints at me and takes my phone, his expression morphing into one of surprise.

"Shit, babe. Where’d ya find these??"

"So they are you!"

He chuckles.

"Christ…I haven't thought about these in fucking years."

"Mind telling me what the fuck?" I ask, my hands on my hips.

I'm only half joking.

Mary grimaces at me.

"Ah."

"I'm gonna need more than that, mister."

He rubs the back of his neck.

"Fuck, you know those were hard times for me."

I know about his family, the homelessness. I know he tried out a lot until he found a life that fit. He'd given me the overviews with occasional anecdotes filled with names I never remembered.

But none of them included naughty pictures.

I worm my way under his arm.

"Yeah, I know, Mare."

His hand strokes down my arm.

"I mean, shit. I was kinda an asshole, you know?"

I wrap an arm around his chest.

"You're still kind of an asshole, Goore."

"Thanks."

"No problem."

When he doesn't say more, I poke him hard in the side.

"I’m literally dying here."

He laughs a little.

"Fine. But you gotta remember you asked."

Model Behavior

One day, Mary was walking down the street on his way to drinks with the new friends he'd made the weekend before. It was a good day. He wasn’t hungover as fuck, his makeup was only smudged artfully, and he was pretty sure he was going to get laid.

A guy in a leather jacket and tight jeans maybe a few years older than Mary stopped him on the street.

"Hey, man! I love your style."

Mary batted his eyelashes at him. "Thanks, dude."

"You ever think of dark modeling?"

Mary squinted his eyes at him.

"Dark what now?"

"You know—modeling but like," he gestured up and down Mary’s form, "for dark beauties. Show the world beauty isn’t cookie cutter."

"For like what? A website or some shit?"

The guy dug into his pocket, pulled out a card case, and handed one to Mary.

Heroes Greg Karson, Photographer/Web Design Butera School of Art

Actually, Mary had heard of this. It was a zine about the local happenings around town—concerts, art shows, parties, etc. There was a stack of them next to "Rrriot!" in the record shop. He’d flipped through one occasionally, mostly interested in the band reviews.

"We’re really on the lookout for anyone with the right look. You know, wear stuff you already own."

"So like a street fashion spread?"

"Well, we might do a little more with it, but—you know how it is. Most of the budget goes toward printing costs."

Mary perked up.

"Would I be paid?"

Greg laughed.

"Peanuts, my dude. But yeah. Even if it’s a T token. You interested, then?"

"Hell yeah!"

"Mind if I take a few test shots."

Mary smirked at Greg.

"How do you want me?"

"Just natural."

Putting his hands in his pockets, Mary arched his back and gave Greg his best snotty hipster face.

Greg dug out a digital camera from his carrying case and took a dozen or so pictures of Mary from different angles while telling him to turn this way or that.

Afterwards, the two of them huddled over the camera and scrolled through the shots.

"Aw yeah, this one. I love the attitude. The guys are gonna love it. You have a number where we can reach you?"

Mary gave him the number of the record shop. (His apartment had a phone, but he’d never gotten around to wanting to pay for service.)

Later, he and Amber looked up the Angelfire website on the back of the card. It was one page that contained the mission statement, bios of the creators, and locations to pick up the zine.

"Omigod—you’re gonna become a famous model, Mare!"

"Yeah, right. You know most of it ends up in the trash, right?"

But when Ben called, Mary said he was game. He directed Mary to a co-op in a converted warehouse in Dorchester, and Mary brought his favorite clothes in a borrowed duffle.

A girl in cat pajamas opened the door and pointed at a set of metal stairs with her cereal spoon.

On the second floor, Mary found Greg setting up a makeshift studio. A girl with multiple piercings and yarn dreads leaned against the wall in her black babydoll dress.

Mary sidled up to her.

"You here to model, too?"

She gave him an unimpressed once-over.

"I’m the art director, asshole."

Mary flushed hard as she turned to Greg.

"Couldn’t find one with brains?"

She turned back to Mary.

"I don’t know if you thought this would be a good way to meet chicks or what, dude. But I’m letting you know right now that I’m here on my day off to make sure this adheres to our aesthetic, so if you're not serious, fuck off."

Mary rubbed the back of his neck.

"Shit, sorry. I was expecting a dude named Ben."

She waved her hand in the air as if dispelling Ben.

"The Bens are morons. Good idea, terrible execution. I’m here to make sure we remain true to the idea of 'Heroes,' so don’t fuck up my shoot." She gave him a once over. "Christ. You have any experience?"

Greg turned from where he was testing the white balance.

"Angelique, stop harassing the talent. We get it, you have a degree from RISD."

Angelique snorted.

"As if I don't hear you going on and on about being a professional photographer. 'Hey, lemme shoot your portfolio, baby.' Whatever. As if we're not your only professional credit."

"Hey—you wanted a photographer for peanuts? You got me. You wanted models for peanuts? You got him."

Mary gave her his full snaggle-toothed grin.

"I take T tokens."

Angelique sighed, then pasted on a smile.

"Hi! So happy you’re here!" Her smile drooped. "You got your wardrobe in there?"

"Yeah."

Mary handed her the duffle, and she handed him release forms.

"Here: sign these"

She pawed through his offerings.

"Not bad, not bad." She pulled out a corset and his heeled boots. "We'll keep you in your jeans and have you wear your jacket over your corset. Cool?"

Cool.

The shoot was as professional as a shoot in a warehouse in what Mary was taking to usually be a living room could be. Angelique directed Greg with what she wanted. Greg called out positions and expressions for Mary to pose in.

It was surprisingly hard work, and by the end of a solid hour, his smirking lip was getting tired. Angelique and Greg scrolled through the shots, murmuring to themselves and nodding.

Mary waited—greeting at the other inhabitants as they squeezed by on their way either up or down—until Angelique approached him.

"That’ll do. You mind if we post on our website?"

Mary preened.

"Yeah, that’s kosher."

She handed him a pen and pocket notebook.

"Write down a quick bio."

He scribbled down a quick elevator pitch

Into general skulking and metal \m/

and handed the notebook back to her.

"Great, thanks."

She handed him a $20 bill, her eyes skimming him up and down.

"Next time we should show off those hip bones. Just jeans, I think."

Mary perked up. "Next time?"

"We’ll call you."

***

"Omigod, omigod!"

Amber perched on the record store counter, flipping through "Heroes," as Jon peered over her shoulder.

"Mary…look at you!"

Mary tried to swallow his smug smile.

Failed.

"Yeah. I’m hot shit, ain’t I?"

She bopped him on the nose with the newsprint.

"Don’t be vain."

He showed her his toothy smile.

"I like to think of it as confidence."

"So did Icarus."

Mary snorted and went back to putting prices on the new CDs.

"The camera loves you," said Jon, who was always quiet and reserved as you please…until he put on Frank’s corset and heels.

Mary had tried flirting with him, but Jon always ducked his head and played it off.

"Thanks, man," said Mary, giving him a softer smile.

"So??"

"So what, Amber?"

"Are you gonna do it again?"

Mary shrugged.

"I mean, if they call me, sure."

But he was kind of hoping they would.

When the next issue came out weeks later, Mary stared at the cybergoth on the pages and felt himself deflate. Listlessly, he thumbed through the delicate print, barely skimming the section devoted to the World/Inferno Friendship Society’s set he’d been at the week before.

He set it down with a sigh before he picked up his guitar and plucked out a tune he was trying to coax into a riff.

By the time a Ben called again, Mary had given up the modeling thing as a one-off.

"Hey, dude—thought maybe you guys forgot about me," Mary said in a teasing tone.

The Ben on the other end chuckled.

"It’s like herding cats to get shit out. Nah, dude—we definitely want you to be one of our regulars. You in for next Saturday?"

He was.

***

Over the course of a year, "Heroes" had Mary come out multiple times for shoots. Mainly, Mary wore his own clothes and did his own makeup, but occasionally, Angelique wanted something specific.

"How comfortable are you with boudoir shots?"

"With what?"

"Like a pinup, but more…saucy than sexy."

I'd pose nude if you paid me enough.

(Sure, he was a noodle boy, but he knew he had the goods.)

"Yeah, I’m cool with that."

Angelique brightened at him.

"Great!"

She picked up a set of complicated leather garters and thrust them at him.

"Put these on."

Mary had only ever worn lace garters—mostly out to clubs, but occasionally under his ripped jeans for an extra pop—but he found he liked these even more, liked the way they emphasized his thighs.

"Hey—where’d you get these…?"

(He was already thinking of what he could pair them with for goth night.)

"Local leatherworker. He mostly does pieces for Renn Fairs, but he'll also do custom. I can give you his info."

She led Mary into what was clearly someone's bedroom.

"Don't fuck anything up, or Joye will never let us use this again."

Mary shot her his best shark smile.

"Hey, I only mess up the sheets if someone asks."

Angelique gave him a flat look and called for Greg.

(But when he draped himself over the bed and told Greg to "Paint me like one of your French girls," Mary could have sworn she almost smiled.)

On one memorable occasion, she brought in a guy whose rope bondage demo she watched at a sex convention.

"Put on some of that lingerie and we'll truss you up. You ok with that, Goore?"

Mary ran his fingers over the coils and gave her a wolfish smile.

"You know I'm game for anything."

She gave him a vulpine smile of her own then, and she looked down at him from the height of her platformed boots.

"Good. I thought you should be submissive for once."

Mary had no witty rejoinder for that.

He listened with interest as the guy carefully explained what he was going to do, complete with pictures, and he relaxed easily into the process. (They put bunny ears on him, and it would be much, much later that he got that particular joke. Well played, Angelique.)

The ropes hadn’t let him do much posing, but Mary had kind of liked the constriction, and his thoughts were already on asking Amber to help him create a more versatile version for fetish night.

He’d left that day with a new kink…and the guy’s number.

"Why not just do one big shoot?" he asked another time. "Get it all done in one big bang!"

Angelique held up his garments to eyeball over him.

"Honey, we never even know if there's gonna be a next issue. The Bens spend most of the time arguing. My god you should hear them—Ben bankrolls the whole thing, so he says he should get final say on shit, and Benji wants total artistic control because it was his idea, because 'he's the graphic designer', and because it's his Kinko's employee discount they use."

She gave Mary a curled-lip smile as she tossed a few items at him.

"In the end it's this bitch you're looking at who gets shit done."

Mary began to change (they were long past modesty).

"How'd you get involved?"

"Went to school with Benji."

"Ben too?"

"Neg. The Bens are childhood friends. Ben works some cushy start-up job, so Benji lets him bankroll them both. Rent, utilities—everything. I love Benji to death, but he's a giant mooch."

"Shit, that must be nice."

Angelique shrugged. She stood back to appraise Mary's look.

"It's fucking lame. But it least it gets us fucking paid."

Mary didn't say I'd do this for free. Instead, he struck a pose and said, "I'm just happy for the exposure."

Angelique rolled her eyes and went to fetch Greg.

***

That year and a half would become a nonstop party with Mary as one of the VIPs; he wouldn't say no to anything—be it casual sex, club appearances, or whatever drug the current pretty thing was offering him in the bathroom.

But recognition started slow.

At first, it was customers who would leaf through the zine and recognize Mary.

Then, it was the occasional scenester who’d stop him on the street in JP as he walked about, and Mary would pose for grainy cell phone pics.

Soon, he was being approached at shows and clubs. The first time it happened, Mary was high off his new infamy and ready to please. A woman in a black bandage bra and pleated skirt with bondage straps approached him, and Mary was already thinking of what he could do with those.

"You look like that guy in ‘Heroes’!" she'd shouted to him over the music.

Mary had flashed her a crooked smile and leaned in.

"Maybe I am the guy in ‘Heroes’."

She'd given him an exaggerated once over before sidling closer with hooded eyes.

"I dunno…you're wearing way more clothes."

Mary had pulled his mesh top down by the collar in a tease as he'd curled over her.

"Take me somewhere more private and I’ll let you do a comparison."

She'd compared him all night.

And that was before he and the other "Heroes" models formed their own posse.

The Bens had thrown a BBQ and had invited everyone they'd ever met. There were people packed into their little 2 bedroom in Brighton, spilling down the back stairs, and equally packed into the little square of shared backyard. Ben had taken the 12-pack of 'Gansett beers Mary had brought, then introduced him to the other dark models.

"Now you're all here!" said Ben. He slung his arm around Mary. "Guys, this is Mary. Mary this is Mayhem, Lesley, Lola, and Bryan."

Mayhem was a rivethead, and Mary took to him instantly, but he was wary of the others. Lesley was the cybergoth who'd been in the first issue after him, and Mary still felt a bit salty at them, even though Mary knew by now the Bens rotated the models. Lola, the romantic goth, reminded him enough of Vanity that he felt guilty for losing touch with her and had him projecting a little. Bryan was a metalhead, so: competition.

Mary had thought they'd get along like cats and water, but weed, booze, and "Never Have I Ever" went a long way to creating a shared bond.

And there it was again. That pull. The magnetic force telling him that he'd found the place he was supposed to be. They quickly coalesced into their own pack, calling themselves the "Deathbutantes" (because they always killed it when they debuted for the night).

It had been rare for Mary to miss Friday and Saturday night shenanigans with the Rocky crew, but now, every night was Friday night. There was always a show or a concert or club that one of them knew about—and if they couldn't get lucky with the local color, they'd just go home with each other.

Mayhem taught Mary what Lola jokingly called the "grab a bat" dance, and the two of them cut quite the picture on the dance floors.

Lesley took to Lola, and the two of them could always be counted on for scintillating conversation in dark corners when Mary's limbst needed a break from flailing about.

The clubs weren't really Bryan's scene—take him to a sticky hole in the wall with concrete floors and a stage close enough to feel the sweat from the bands, and he was in heaven—but he liked to come along to hang. He'd drink PBRs, rub Lola's feet when she invariably abandoned her heels for the evening, and argue with Mary about the purity of death metal.

Mayhem and Lola weren't really into live music of the screaming kind, so—while Lesley, Bryan, and Mary bounced off each other in the mosh pits—they'd save a "home" base at one the bartops.

Amber noticed Mary's diminishing presence and stopped by the record shop to call him out.

"So you're not dead! Could've fooled me."

Mary was organizing the albums into order, and he grunted at her.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a cad. I'll make it up to you."

"You missed game night."

"Sorry. Jethro Tull played some tiny venue in nowhere Mass, and Bryan was salivating. I mean, Jethro Tull. Can you blame me?"

He looked at her, arms out wide in supplication. But she just blinked at him.

"You have no idea who Jethro Tull is, do you?"

"Sorry, dude. But christ, Mare. You should have invited me. I'd've gone. Maybe I would have even liked them. Now you'll never know."

"I could just lend you an album."

"Nope! The moment passed. Too late!"

Mary riffled through the stock and shoved a Jethro Tull CD into her hands.

She tapped it against her thigh.

"So, when do I get to hang?"

"I can get us into 80s night free."

"No, I mean, with your cooler friends. Your 'murder models', or whatever."

"You wanna hang out with the Deathbutantes?"

Amber scrunched her nose.

"That's so fucking pretentious."

Mary kind of liked it.

"Dunno if they're really your scene."

"Oh? And what's my scene?"

"Musical theater on crack."

She mock gasped at him, "Called out!" before smacking him with the CD. "Whatever. You love musical theater on crack."

Mary draped his arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, I do. But I don't live it, you know? You guys have your niche—and fuck…I love to visit—but it's not mine."

Amber looked up at him, her expression serious.

"So the Dumbutantes are your niche?"

Mary shrugged and went back to shelving.

The Rocky crew had been good to him. They'd taken him under their wing, no questions asked, and helped him realize things about himself. Tim had taken him to the ER when Mary had come down with a serious case of the flu. Matty had taught him the basics of sewing. Gretchen had held him after a bad trip. Omar and he had had many drunken heart-to-hearts about their shitty home lives.

And Amber was his best friend. She'd been his #1 cheerleader for years and had never been afraid to call him out on his shit.

So yeah, he loved the Rocky crew…but they laughed at anyone who took anything too seriously. Mary would show up to game nights in his latest creation—with everyone else in pjs or jeans & hoodies—and they'd tease him about trying to impress the wrong people. He'd try to talk about the newest guitar god he'd been mainlining, and they'd make snoring noises at him.

How could he explain the kinship he felt with the Deathbutantes? That they were as serious about music as he was, that they just…got why he felt the need to dress the way he did to express the way he felt inside on his outside.

Instead, he said, "I'm just trying shit out, Ambs." He quirked his eyebrow at her. "I gotta do something while you guys do your real-person jobs."

(Amber had recently started as a junior marketing assistant at the American Repertory Theater. "Purely mercenary," she'd said. "Maybe it'll give me a leg up during auditions.")

She made a disgruntled scoffing noise in the back of her throat.

"Fuck, don't remind me. I actually gotta go to bed a reasonable hour now."

"Don't worry." Mary winked at her. "I'll keep ya honest."

"That sounds a lot like my head in a toilet, Mare."

"I'll hold your hair back."

She gave him a good-natured shove, and he pretended to cower.

If she wanted to cross pollinate, who was Mary to stand in her way? So, he invited her out the next time the Deathbutantes went to a show, and it went exactly like he thought it would.

They disliked her, and she was equally unimpressed. They thought she was too loud and frenetic, and she thought they had no sense of humor.

"I fucking told you," Mary had snorted as they sat on the curb sharing a clove.

"Shut the fuck up, Mare."

But she'd put her head on his shoulder.

"They make you happy, though. So I guess I approve. Just as long as I don't have to play nice."

Mary still hung out with the Rocky crew—there were still game nights and drug-fueled sex parties and theater games—but the Deathbutantes introduced him to the underground scene. They always seemed to have insider knowledge about the best up-in-coming bands and the secret shows. Theme nights at the goth clubs were always a must, and they rarely missed one. Sometimes, Angelique would crash, and they'd take the commuter rail to Providence to party at Club Hell before collapsing in a sweaty, smeary pile at a friend of a friend's hole in the wall.

As a bit player in the Rocky crew, Mary had been another made-up face in the crowd. As a certified member of the Deathbutantes, Mary became the face.

They all did.

The owners loved them because they bought round after round at the bar, and if word got out that the Deathbutantes were there, their admirers came to spend money as well. The employees loved them because they were fun and talked to them as equals. The clientele loved them because they were pretty young things.

Sometimes, though, Mary wasn't in the mood to party or get laid, so he talked to the DJs instead. He'd buy them rounds and stay past closing to help them pack up while they talked about the history of punk and 80s new wave and nu metal. There was one in particular, Dave, that Mary even considered a friend.

The two of them would sit in the club past closing, sharing a whiskey and talking about life while the bartenders closed down and cashed out. Occasionally, Dave's other friends would be around, and they'd all walk back to his place; he'd fool around spinning in his home studio, and they'd drink box wine as they danced and laughed before Mary would have to sit on the ground in an intoxicated exhaustion, good for only thumbing through Dave's vinyl collection.

Mary was just happy to talk shop with another music aficionado, but Angelique had pointed out that he should leverage his minor clout.

They'd been waiting for Greg to finish setting up, and Mary had been struggle city after a particularly hard night out. It was all he could manage to sit there quietly and hope some god would put him out of his misery.

"You need to get your shit together," Angelique had said out of nowhere.

Mary had cracked a puffy eye and had slowly (as to not bring the nothing in his stomach back up) turned his head to her.

"As if I haven't seen your melted ass on the floor wanting to die."

"Fuck, Mary. You've turned it into an art form."

He'd closed his eyes and given her the finger, but that hadn't stopped her.

"You wanna be a rockstar, boy? You can't just sit on your ass and hope the right person on the right night hears you. You're effervescent and charismatic—heads turn when you walk into a room and not just because of your skinny jeans—but you need more than air, Mary, which is all you are right now."

"Fuck you, Angela."

She'd clapped in front of his face, and she was lucky he didn't Exorcist bile all over her.

"You're a fucking pain in my ass, Goore. I'm doling out the good stuff, try not to bite my hand off, k?"

"All right, all right!"

"You wanna start that band? You wanna get play and amass fans? Well, make that demo you're always droning on about and give it to those DJs you're alway fanboying over. Fucking network, Goore."

At the time, Mary had been too hungover to care, but her advice would sink in…

Eventually.

For the time being, Mary was content. He loved the attention, and it made him feel invincible, made him feel like it was finally His Time. And he was going to make up for every slight, every unfair situation, and every beat down with sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll.

With his newfound nightlife, Mary's day job had become an afterthought. He started sleeping through opening shifts, but with the extra foot traffic Mary brought to the store, his boss seemed resigned to let Mary slide (after a stern talking to and a pay docking).

The shadow cast had started using him as a mascot of sorts, and he was happy to show up on Saturday nights and hype up the waiting line with a pseudo striptease. (Even if it was sometimes to kick off his evening with the Deathbutantes and not hang with the cast after.)

Mary started a band ("auditioning" any and all of the many admirers who said they’d be more than happy to join it), and after a few false starts and a couple of lineup changes, they began working on an EP. (At least, when Mary showed up to rehearsal, they did.)

A Boston Phoenix reporter got wind of the Deathbutantes and called around about doing a story on them. The Bens were excited about the exposure that meant for their zine, and Angelique and Greg were excited about what it could mean for their careers. Mary did a brief interview over the phone where he answered questions about his style and talked about his dream of making his band a household name.

Mary saw his name up in lights, and he was reaching for it, full speed ahead.

But then things turned.

The story fell through at the last minute with no further explanation or contact by the reporter.

His boss finally fired him after Mary showed up too high to function too many times—or not at all.

The shadow cast had a turnover, and suddenly he was old news—a cringey hanger-on.

A trip to the clinic and a round of antibiotics for an STI had him way more wary of who he hooked up with.

"Heroes" lost momentum when imitators popped up and Ben cut off the gravy train.

Angelique moved to NYC for "better opportunities," and the Bens took their brand of counterculture to Portland, OR.

Greg took down the website when he got offered a legit job as an apprentice at a food magazine, and that was that.

The physical zines were cheap things, most ending up papering the sidewalk after trash day or lining the bottom of cages. Without the online presence, did Mary's "modeling career" even exist?

Mary was a little sad to see the era go, but when he woke up in Maine on the hood of some girl's car and only a hazy recollection of how they'd gotten there, he was beginning to see Angelique's point. He needed to get his shit together if he was ever going to become a rockstar. And frankly, he kind of felt like he needed to spend an entire month eating carrots and hydrating.

The 24/7 party had always been an ephemeral thing; it had been sand passing through his hands in a finite amount as he'd tried to hold onto it

He put himself on detox, and waking up sober for the first time in months felt like a revelation. And as it turned out, playing the guitar without badly shaking hands was way, way easier.

He found another job in another music store, and his starter!band was bringing butts into the smaller venues, like Toad.

He still had his old Rocky friends and the Deathbutantes. The club and venue owners still let him in for free, and Dave was always happy to give his demos a spin. By anyone's else's measure, he was steal one of the scene's darlings.

But Mary was beginning to realize that he needed to stop seeing himself as that scared kid who’d arrived in Boston 4 years ago with only a backpack, $72.57 to his name, and void where his family should be.

He needed to stop finding people to please into loving him.

Instead, he needed to live for himself and let them love him for who he was—fuck ups and all.

@slimylayne

Epilogue

"Honestly, that’s probably the reason I even got a band together," he says. "I was still kind of shit at guitar, but people came to see ‘Model Mary’ perform in his underwear."

He shoots me a smirk.

"I’m sure there’re pictures out there of me looking more glam than metal. I kind of played up the whole pinup thing for a while."

"Fuck, I would kill, literally kill to see that."

He pulls me into his lap until I’m straddling him.

"I could open up my underwear drawer and show you right now."

"Goore, you temptress."

I lean down to kiss him, and his hands sneak under my shirt, but I pull away again.

"I kinda thought I knew all your torrid secrets by now. Shit, how come Dave's never needled you about it?"

After 2 years with him, I’m surprised I hadn't even heard a peep from his oldest friend.

Mary snorts.

"Dave would miss shit hanging off his nose. Great dude, amiable as fuck, but he's always had fucking tunnel vision for his music."

I smirk at him.

"Sounds like someone else I know."

Mary pulls a face at me, and I apply kisses to every line until he laughs and bats me away.

"But really, Mare—how come you never told me about your brief career in blue steel?"

He blows out a breath, his hands smoothing up my thighs.

"Fuck. Cuz maybe I was a little embarrassed at how off the rails I was then, ok? Didn't want you to know what I fuck up I was." He takes my hand and kisses my palm. "And even I know it's a shit move to pitch woo at someone by telling them about banging half of Boston."

I make a face at him, and he laughs.

"Yeah, that’s what I thought."

His hands rest on my waist.

"Christ, everything about that year's a bit fuzzy, and it was like 10 years ago. Sometimes it feels like it happened to someone else, honestly. And shit—most of those people aren’t even around anymore. College kids who moved on and 20-somethings that grew up and moved who knows where. I used to watch Amber have—what is it when it’s four people?—and now she lives in bumblefuck Pennsylvania with 3 kids. After she left, I just kinda drifted away from all that."

He shrugs, his eyes downcast.

"I’m sorry, Mare," I say as I smooth his eyebrows.

He shrugs again.

"I mean, we all kinda keep in touch. It's like the only reason I have Facebook."

"When was the last time you even signed into that?"

Mary grins at me.

"Lola's birthday."

"One of the models? What happened with them?"

Mary bites his lip and thinks.

"Mayhem found religion after an OD and kinda ghosted everyone. Lesley followed a girl to New Hampshire. Uh…Lola pursued a PhD for something sciencey involving renewable energy with sugar beets in Idaho, and Bryan moved back to Florida to care for his grandma, who raised him."

Mary leans his head back on the couch and rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands.

"I mean, shit. We were fucking babies back then. Head empty except for a good time and unlimited potential."

I run my fingers through his hair.

"You miss it?"

His eyes pop open to look at me.

"Fuck no. Not for a million dollars. Too many question marks." His eyes glint as he runs his hands down me. "I like what I got going on right here."

I wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss his forehead. The fucking sap.

Mary picks up my phone and scrolls through the pictures again.

"Fuck. I used to be goddamn adorable, though. Half this shit wouldn’t even fit me anymore."

I squish his little potbelly, and he grunts at me indignantly.

"Do you still have any originals?" I ask.

He shakes his head, his eyes wistful and his smile sad.

"Nah. Got destroyed when my roof collapsed and leaked everywhere. Fuck, landlords are useless. Glad we fucking own now, babe."

He scrolls up, scrolls back down.

"Just these four?"

I nod.

"Yeah. They were the only ones I found—and I did a lot of searching."

"Christ, I think there were at least 10."

I smile ruefully at him. "It’s not gonna be long anyway before they make their way into the popular tags and shit starts coming out of the woodwork."

He tosses my phone onto the table.

"Whatever. Just shows that I’ve always been cool."

And then he’s kissing me again, his hand tangling in my hair.

"You know, I’m your family now, Mare. Just for you."

He brings my hand up and kisses it.

"Fuck, I know that. Why’dja think I put a ring on it?"

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[anestheticrage]

Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately. 

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho. 

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi-   and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F   W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏  defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself. 

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got: 

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H) 

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

   - everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

   - the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

   - make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊). 

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..." 

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs 

Yours Truly, 

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘 

[kalosacetrainer]

Rwby Live Blog Part 1

hnnnng what if I live blogged my rwby rewatch It’s been like several years since I actually watched the show so I might get some stuff a little wrong heh, okay a lot wrong, I remember basically nothing. Starting with Volume 1, I plan to watch the first episode today and another episode every day until I catch up to the current volume, might take breaks if I have work to do, this is just a hobby and I need to prioritize other stuff before this.

Chapter 1: Ruby Rose Damn Red got that good music, I really like her design, it’s cool. So the ginger’s talking about dust, I think it’s kinda like gunpowder in it’s activation? Maybe it takes a spark to ignite whatever spell or something to activate? I really love this dust stuff so far, it seems really cool. OH FUUUUUUU, That huntress lady or whatever??? She has a staff thing and it just like, I bet it’s dust, but like, how does that work??? It started up a storm or something and it’s got point hail raining down??? That’s cool. The dark clouds are in a spirally thing that’s really cool. I also like her purple cloak but I don’t know why it’s all swirly at the ends, still cool. OKAY WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING. MAGIC???? Basically staff lady just used telekinesis or something by directing her wand and also the fire lady, gosh she’s hot, is using destructive fire magic or something, like it has weight to it which I can tell by how it slams into the ground. There’s no wand or anything though so like, maybe it’s like she has dust in her blood or something? And that’s how she can do magic??? That’d also make sense for wand lady, they got dust in their blood is my guess. Okay no I see more of this fire lady and she has glowing dress and that maybe means her clothes is a conduit for the dust magic. Yeah that makes sense. Oooo, so fire lady can deflect with her magic dust clothes too? Is she using the dust to hit the projectiles in the air before it hits or is she creating forcefields which deflect more widely??? Hmmmm. Oh my gosh red, that was adorable to ask your magic cop lady for an autograph, good for you girl, good for you. Hmmmm, so Red’s in trouble now for being a vigilante, is she even supposed to have a weapon like that like, girl looks 15, how can she have a blade gun??? So wand milf is talking about how she’s going to be sent home but then she’s implying that the punishment ain’t up to her, I wonder who’s in charge of wand milf then. Also what’s the structure for these “huntresses” Are they like, the defenders of the city and stuff? They hunt down criminals and those grim things which we haven’t seen yet, but how does the buisness work??? And what’s gonna happen to little Red? Ohhhh, we finding the big boss. Is it gonna be an even cooler milf? Tall vampire lady? Please be tall vampire lady. Damn. it’s an old guy with weird glasses, hasn’t brushed his hair from the looks of it. Also wtf is his fashion sense? Green on Green On Green on Green don’t look good hun, add a few muted colours in there somewhere, maybe a dark gray? Also, is he really wearing a stupid long baggy turtle neck with a brooch under a vest, under a long blazer??? Get it together man, let the milf do your fashion, or rwby or something, if you’re going to go for comfy, go for comfy, if you want business semi-casual, do that. But not whatever the hell you got, throw it in a fire already, I can’t stand to look at it. So Red’s name is Ruby Rose, got it. Wow she’s really going for that Red Thing, I wonder what her family is like if she got that sorta name. All I remember from this show is that ren and nora are my favorite’s, someone’s got an abusive family, there is ship discourse, lesbians, scary people and scary monsters, and the magic system’s fucked. Hmmmm, She got them gray eyes, I know that’s important but I got no idea how. YES! Thank you old man! I knew it was weird that she had a blade gun thing. Also, they be calling these schools weird, I think this is a private school thing, yeah that makes sense. YES GIRL! EAT ALL THEIR FOOD! LEAVE NOTHING BEHIND! Okay so her uncle’s one of her teachers, yeah I can feel the nepotism, so Red’s definitely not the one with the abusive family, now to find out which one it is, hmmmm. RED YOU ARE ADORABLE WITH THOSE LITTLE HAND THINGS ASJHFADLKJHS OH MY GOSH SHE’S RAMBLING, THAT’S PERFECT AHHHHHH Okay so there ARE police, damn, well I guess huntresses are cooler police but as we all know cops are pigs so hmmmm. I really really hope that there’s a corrupt system little red can destroy with her coolness but I’m already scared about how this system works.

Okay so back to the signal academy thing. Ruby has a sister who’s two years older than her, her uncle works at her current school, and she has a huge dangerous weapon on her at all times, uhhhhh, I fear the corruption a lot already, and what I’ve from what I’ve gotten so far, I’m not sure the creators are going to address the whole corruption thing for a while seeing as we haven’t met any good guys that aren’t fantasy cops so far. OKAY WHAT RUBY’S JUST RAMBLING IN FRONT OF HER FUTURE HEADMASTER SHE’S GOT SOME COURAGE. WHAT She’s actually going to Beacon two years early??? wtf >.> Red flags are already happening, this has to be about the silver eyes. Also, the framing of ozpin in the dark and ruby in the light *mwah* I can already tell that this guy has something wrong with him form that repeated framing style. The animation is moving around so much, bee sister’s thingies are just out there and her fashion blazer is wiggling, so weird. Golly, the digital art right next to the 3d modelling gives such a weird vibe. Also Roman Torchwick? Dang guy, that’s a sucky name. Rip my man’s whole vibe, he definitely got made fun of as a kid. Ahhhh, here’s the furries, so they are called “fauna” like, Just Animal??? Wow, Okay. I sense that there will be some pretty sucky metaphors made about racial inequality and stuff, ah well, I’m just here for the action and cool dust crap, oh and ren and nora, I wonder when they come in? Hmmm. “white fang” hmmm, I sense that’s a plot point, dang. “glenda goodwitch” wow they really selling to us that this is the good side huh. Still don’t like the points stuff for her cloak but it’s mostly because of how the art style makes it look.

Also have I made a comment yet about the sky ships? They are weird but cool. I like how they kinda look like sea creatures so far. Or just straight up helicopters but bigger. Both are cool.

So vomit boy is def a main character, wonder how that’ll go.

HOLY HELL THE OP IS SO GOOD! :D well, that’s all I have for y’all today, I hope tomorrow I don’t spend two hours like I did today just watch one episode but who knows? Maybe it’ll take three hours for the next episode. (I hope not, 2 hours is enough for me)

[omega-deku]

Bakudeku Ranma 1/2 Crossover

HI GAIS. Sorry I haven’t posted in forever. I was trying to learn how to digital art!! Two of my very first practice paintings are in here, but I kept them super simple bc I’m a noob.（´＿｀;）

SO. Ranma 1/2 was one of my favorite mangas growing up. It’s a rom com manga and it’s hilarious.

Here are the posts with just the art that you can actually enlarge:

PART ONE

 PART TWO

Basically, Ranma is a teenage boy, but because he fell into one of the cursed springs, he turns into a girl every time he’s doused in cold water. Hot water changes him back. Hence the “1/2″. As a raging bisexual, this series pleased me. (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) Okay, I didn’t know at the time but still.  I mean, c’mon. 

Anyways, I had this bakudeku AU in my head for months now and I just wanted to draw random crap about it. I’ll talk more about it under the Read More cut. :) 

Please don’t mind the wildly changing styles, I’m just experimenting!

I meant for this to look more digital-art-y but I accidentally picked the wrong brush so it just came out like I scribbled colored pencils on it. :T Ah well! 

The girls wanna play dress up with Izuku after he/she/they comes out to the class. Momo makes the outfits!! :D

Morning cuddle sleep~ (♡´౪`♡)

More comic-style stuff under the cut~.

So.. yeah. I don’t really have a definitive story in mind, just really vague ideas. Like,,, in this AU, Izuku turns into a girl whenever he sneezes instead of cold water thing. Because I’m Super Creative. :I 

I think maybe gender roles and such are even more strict? Maybe this ability isn’t a quirk, and no one can really explain (conveniently) why it happens, but it has been like this for Deku since he/she was little. It didn’t really matter all that much when they were a kid, but it got more difficult to hide as Deku grew older. It’s really weird because quirks make everyone unique now. But quirks appearing happened relatively quickly and gender ideas/roles have been in place for thousands of years, so change has been difficult on that front. It dictates a loooot of social things like how to behave, greet, etc. etc. basically everything according to gender. A lot of stuff is structured around gender rolls, even more intensely than our universe as mentioned earlier.. Like. SUPER intense. (But things are slowly improving!)

So Deku’s mom hid it bc she didn’t want her baby to be bullied. Maybe Mitsuki knows but she hasn’t told Katsuki? Idk. But yeah. Inko raises him as a boy. But Izuku likes being both a gal and a guy, depending on how he feels that day, and does “dress ups” while he/she’s home. Izuku wants to feel free to do just that in public (where people that know him are around).

Idk how much it would follow canon, but Izuku does go to UA.  :U

Kacchan finds out accidentally one day while they’re fighting over something stupid. 

I drew a little more to this comic, but this is already super image-heavy and it was dumb anyway so I left them out lmao.

Kacchan: Any more things you’re hiding from me, nerd???

Deku eventually comes out to his class and everyone is super nice and accepting. I mean, they’ve been through thick and thin together, faced death together, Izuku can do whatever she/he wants to be happy, as far as they’re concerned. And they will kick anyone’s ass who tries to give Deku shit. 

Maybe the girls chant “One of us! One of us!” and get really excited to have Izu try on all these things. Clothes, makeup, whatever. 

Idk, trying a slightly more realistic style. ^ Less noodle arms. 

Kinda derpy, just doodle.

Now Izuku just does whatever. She wears skirts and dresses and shit when going out, and if she ends up sneezing and changing, he doesn’t give a crap anymore and just stays however he wants. 

Katsuki and Izuku eventually start dating after Kacchan gets his head out of his ass and matures. In the beginning, Izuku is worried that Katsuki likes him more in his girl form. After a lot of beating around the bush, he tells Katsuki how he feels.

 And Katsuki’s just like, “Wtf dumbass, I don’t give a fuck” - the only thing he gives a shit about is having a partner who understands how important hero work is to him, and how busy and chaotic the hero lifestyle can be. He loves all sides of Izuku. YEAH. Also, Kacchan’s sex drive is insatiable. ≖‿≖

THANK YOU FOR READING ALL THIS IF YOU’RE STILL HERE. 

I changed career paths to work towards art now, so hopefully I can deliver better fanarts in the future! (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

(Ranma 1/2 is made by the same author as Inuyasha! Her horror manga series Mermaid Saga is awesome as well, though really short, sadly.)

[deliriumsetin]

So here’s the thing...

I’m really freaking hard to scare. Unlike my cat that just booked it into another room when our UPS guy dropped a package off at the door. Perfect timing, Percy. Perfect timing...

Anyways! I have NOT had a good scare in probably two decades. No matter what fiction I pick up that promises to chill and thrill me, neither happens.

Now keep this in mind.

As of right now I am launching a business and yes, this will tie into the weird opener. Be patient, please.

I am launching Vox et Liber, a publishing house for ALL kinds of stories and ALL kinds of voices. I started working on this in November 2019, what do you mean that was only 8 months ago?! I originally thought the publishing house up after learning a bunch of facts about the publishing world over the summer.

VeL publishing will be a new kind of publishing and I can say that with 100% confidence because I am building this beast from the ground up, with the help of @hazandlouwho​, my fiance, and a few other amazing people!

Because this business is getting started independently, which means no investors, we are working with a VERY small amount of cash reserved for start up. Initially all works will be published digitally. We do plan on launching a Kickstarter in September/October to get enough funds to keep this going and to do it right which means getting stories published physically and sold to both indie bookstores and Barnes and Noble. Please be on the look out for that.

If any awesome people want to donate to help us not break my own personal bank, which will be easy to do since Covid-19 forced me to quit my job working with the public because I’m high risk and unemployment has kept me in limbo for going on 3 weeks, you can tip us on Ko-Fi by clicking here. ALL donations and funds raised go towards launching VeL and all projects under the VeL umbrella.

Bringing it around to the scares. VeL is launching our first project and we need all you awesome writers’ help. As of today we are opening submissions for our first ever anthology, Graveyard Visits. It’s horror with the theme of marginalized voices written as Own Voice fiction. Meaning stories written by marginalized groups with their marginalized groups as main characters.

Submissions are going to be open from July 1st until August 12th 11:59pm EST. Stories are expected to be between 2.5k-5k words in length. We will be paying $.02 per word as well as giving you a digital copy of the anthology. Submission Guidelines can be found here.

Now the whole me being hard to scare; I want to be scared. Submit your best, your scariest, and most bone-chilling stories.

Also, not so subtly gonna add a nudge to @thebibliosphere​ because I feel like she might have something up her sleeve. If not for this anthology then definitely our erotica one that will be announced later this summer.

We also have a podcast series in the works but I will do another post on that once I or my awesome soon to be brother in law (that’s STILL weird) have a moment to do up some graphics.

Click below for my rant on why traditional publishing right now is a soul sucking leech on EVERYONE.

On average with hardcover books an author is lucky to make $1.50 off each one sold and that’s only AFTER they sell enough to cover their advance. I also found out the average advance is like 3k per book. Some (not including the wicked big names who get a shit ton more) can get as high as 5k but others can get as low as a 1k. An author is lucky to see that twice a year (selling 2 books) because they have to spend time MARKETING book 1 instead of writing book 2. 

Keep in mind fiction hardcovers are generally sold between 19.99 (usually YA) or 29.99 (usually adult). Wicked big difference, huh? I get there’s a lot that goes into making a book, trust me I do but the split between should leave the authors getting around $4 per copy instead of less than $2. That $2.50 is just extra that the publishing house takes because it can.

Then there are the mass paperbacks which an author gets paid 50 damn cents per copy. Yes, those books retail for anywhere between 7.99 and 14.99 per book and sell way faster than hardcovers. Take it from an ex-bookseller.

Most books take on average 500 to 1,000 hours of work put into them before they even get handed off to the publisher for the FIRST time. At minimum that author sees an hourly return wage of $6 which is BELOW the United fucking States shit-tastic minimum peasant wage. We devalue the arts so fucking much- arg! But that can be a separate rant for another day.

Then after doing more research I realized just how off balanced the publishing world STILL is in the year of hell 2020. Don’t believe me click the link. Sarah Park Dahlen did a great article with a great graphic on it. 

As of 2015, yes I’m paraphrasing to continue to rant, children’s books had ALMOST more books about anthropomorphic cars, household items, and animals than there were books about Black kids, Asian Pacific kids, Latinx kids, or Native American/First Nation kids combined. Talking teakettles and their kindred got a whopping 12.5% while if you add up all the groups above you get 14.2%. None on there own beat out the freaking Easter Bunny! Of course books about White kids are the highest at 73.3%. Yes, this was as of 2015 but as an avid reader who reads middle-grade and up books for fun I can tell you nothing much has changed. Books about black kids maybe SLIGHTLY higher since the BLM movement (fuck yes progress!!) but I’d be heartstoppingly shocked if they beat out talking fucking trucks.

And that’s just race. From what I gathered with all the publishing houses less than 100 books with LGBTQIAP+ main characters are published each year. Wtf? And among that as of 2015 55% percent are about cisgendered males and 31% are cisgendered females. (Thank you @malindalo​, you are awesome and I’ve enjoyed meeting you at the Boston Teen Author festival the last few years.) So, just focusing on those 2 first letters, huh? I want to read a story about a kickass transwoman that has to deal with transitioning WHILE demons have torn their way out of hell. That would be badass! Holy shit, someone trans write that!

Same goes for people that live with disabilities whether they are physical or mental, including mental illness and neurodivergents like myself. If you haven’t figured out by this rant just how ADHD I am than you might need an ADHD in your life. My brain works differently and I would have killed growing up to read about characters that have to deal with what I deal with. We have Percy Jackson now and his all ‘verse but it’s not enough and it wasn’t published until I was on my way to college.

All that aside we now have all the bs coming out about what’s been going on in traditional publishing. About all the dickweeds that have been using their power and pull to sexually harass new authors, most often the new authors are young women. I unfollowed people and canceled a pre-order because fuck that shit! Also, I don’t give a fuck how big a name someone is if the hate they spew makes all their trans fans collectively feel like shit for not believing the simple fact that transwomen are women then they deserve to get dropped like the bag of shit they are. TERFs can fuck right off. 

All the publishing bs has made me more determined to get VeL off the ground because no, no, no. We’ll have none of that. All the listed above reasons can go play in traffic. We will be paying our authors better and taking care of them from day 1. We will be making sure our catalog is so damn diverse that you’d have to be looking at the wrong website to not find a story that you can’t see yourself in and lastly, if we hear of any of our authors pulling a Myke Cole or a Sam Sykes than they are dropped. It is in the best interests of our authors futures that they aren’t shitbags. /end rant

If y’all have any questions about anything of this, I think my dms are open or if I’m wrong just tag me. My days lately have been chained to my shit dell computer with one or both cats pinning me to the couch. I finish this up as Percy settles in on my legs. Also, thunderstorm is starting up and both are sleeping through it? If only I could be so lucky when the fiance and I have kids...

[xietyflix]

Warm Tats| 01

⇢ Pairing: Jimin x Reader

⇢Genre: Werewolf Au, tattooist Jimin

“I never felt like this before.” “Is that a good or a bad thing?” “Good because it makes me want to fuck you senseless.” “Oh.”

⇢ warnings: mentions of blood and future smut.

⇢ omg!! I didn’t think people would like it!

Warm tat ⇢ I’m going to create the links when I have time💀 also someone explain wtf is a tag list😭😭

@bluemooncnblue & @hoodmeup will make a better tag list later💀

Warm Tats CH: 00 01 02

******************************************

It’s been a week, a week since your visit and a week of what Jin said.

“Your like Rose and I! You should be happy Jimin, and that face your giving me is not excitement. It’s giving me… it's more a ‘I'll kill you’ type of face.” Jin said as Jimin set down his sandwich wrapper.

“Cause I’m going to kill you if you don’t shut up.” Jimin said getting up.

“Okay okay calm down, I won’t say a damn word.” Jin spoke holding his hands up in surrender.

Bullshit Jin didn’t keep his word now Jimin had to deal with Jungkook and Taehyung’s endless teasing.

The bell rang signaling that Jimin was going to have his first customer of the day. He dropped his sketchbook on his table before walking out front.

“What can I hel- Jackson?” Jimin froze when he saw Jackson standing there.

“I came back because of the pictures.” Jackson says gesturing the tattoo Jimin gave him last week.

“Oh right, follow me,” Jimin says leading Jackson towards the photo room.

“Did you treat it like I told you.” Jimin says as Jackson takes off his shirt to reveal his back tattoo.

“Why do you always question me?” Jackson said turning around.

“Cause your dumb and dumb people do dumb things.” Jimin says setting up the camera.

“Just take your damn photos.” Jackson huffed causing Jimin to laugh.

After the 30 minutes of taking pictures with Jackson Jimin expected you to be the next one for you photos but it was his next client for ink.

Jimin was gonna admit he was kinda disappointed, he missed your scent roaming around in his shop.

Yet he was left disappointed. Jimin just finished with another client which he was alone for the next hour, he spent that time sketching new ideas.

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket indicating he has a call coming through. Not caring who it was he answered.

“Hello.” Jimin answered.

“Hey Jimin it’s Jin.”

“What’s up?” Jimin spoke putting down his pencil as he sits back in his chair.

“Not much what you think about we all go out to a diner for dinner, I don’t feel like cooking.” Jin spoke.

“I honestly don’t care.” Jimin spoke as he began spinning in his chair.

“SEE I TOLD YOU HE DIDN'T CARE!” Jimin winced as he heard Kook in the background.

“Jin let me see the phone.” Tae spoke and suddenly there was shuffling and growling that caused Jimin to roll his eyes in annoyance.

“Jimin how’s the shop?” Tae spoke as Jin cursed at him in the back.

“It’s good Tae, What do you want?” Jimin spoke and he heard the bell from the front jingle.

“Coming!” Jimin says getting up and walking to the front.

“I wanted to know if you seen ______ yet?” Tae teases.

“If I see her or no-“ Jimin stopped in the middle of his sentence once the smell of honey and lavender reached his nose.

“Jimin are you there?” Tae says and Jimin just ends the call before walking out to see you.

“Hey Jimin, am I interrupting something?” You spoke and Jimin cleared his throat.

“N-No you didn’t. How are you?” Jimin says as you put your hat on his table.

“I’m doing good, and you?” You spoke looking down at your feet. Only if you could feel what your doing to him, they way you act so innocent in front of him.

“Likewise.” Jimin spoke gesturing towards the back you followed close behind.

“What have you been doing for the past week, if you don’t mind me asking.” Jimin says as you walk into his photo room.

“Oh umm, I was just working and hanging out with friends. What about you?” You answered putting your bag down.

“Just working on some sketches. That’s pretty much it.” Jimin says turning on the lights.

“You can take off your shirt and stand against the wall.” Jimin ordered and You obeyed.

“So your an alpha?” You winced a little bit as you asked which caused Jimin to laugh.

“Last I checked I was an alpha, and still am one. Why?” Jimin says turning in the camera.

“What are the perks about being an alpha?” You said twiddling with your hands.

“That’s an interesting question.” Jimin says trying to make eye contact with you but you seem to avoid it.

“Perks about being an alpha is we don’t take shit from no one and… literally that’s it.” Jimin says walking up to you.

“That’s it?” You spoke as Jimin fixed your pose. His warm hands brushed across you cold skin causing you to shiver. Which didn’t go unnoticed by Jimin.

“Yeah pretty much.” Jimin says backing away making you miss his body heat.

“Stay like that for a bit.” He spoke causing you to nod.

“Don’t you switch during full moon.” You asked curiously.

“Switch?” Jimin chuckled.

“You know what I mean Jimin.” You whined which caused Jimin to tilt his head.

“I literally don’t know what type of switch you are talking about.” Jimin lies as he snap a few photos.

“Oh come on! You know When you… when you... I don’t know the word!” You whined causing Jimin to laugh more.

“Your too cute, the word you are looking for is shift or transform there’s so many words out there ______.” Jimin says and you could feel warmth travel to your cheeks.

“Does it hurt?” You asked and he paused for a moment.

“No not if your in control, Not everyone gets to change.” Jimin says switching the light.

“Why?” You asked watching him carefully.

“Your curious aren’t you?” Jimin smirked.

“Sorry.” You said standing out of your position.

“Don’t be sorry, least your asking me instead of google or Wikipedia.” Jimin says causing you to laugh.

“But Yeah, most don’t change because they have someone to keep them grounded..” Jimin began.

“If you have someone to ground you, no need to worry about the full moon, if your not grounded a few full moons from now your gonna be stuck like that.” Jimin says putting the camera down.

“Did your pack found their one to keep them grounded?” You asked putting your shirt on.

“Everyone found someone, Jin , Hoseok , Tae and Jungkook found someone I’m just the last one.” Jimin says turning around to face you.

Before you could reply a loud voice echoed through the shop.

“JIMIN!” A voice echoed causing Jimin to sigh in frustration.

“It smells like heaven in here.” Another spoke and it cause your heart to quicken.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s just Jungkook and Taehyung.” Jimin grumbled before walking out mumbling a ‘hold on’ before he left.

Once he left you heard a bunch of curse words leaving Jimin's mouth causing You to smile.

Your eyes scanned the room before landing on a sketchbook. You walked towards it flipping the pages looking at his art until you see his recent drawing.

You took a sticky note and began to right your digits and a little message on it before sticking it on the sketchbook.

You grabbed your bag and headed towards the front.

“We could eat dinner once I’m finished,” Jimin says blocking the path. You see a head poked around Jimin smirking.

“You're done if she’s leaving.” One says and Jimin turns around.

“_____ your leaving?” Jimin says trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.

“Yeah sorry I have work, and my best guess your friends are hungry.” You said.

“I’m Jungkook and he’s Taehyung, and can I just say you smell wonderful.” Jungkook introduce which ended with a slap on the back of the head by Jimin.

“Thank you? Nice to meet you guys, Jimin I’ll see you around Yeah?” You said grabbing your hat off the counter.

“W-Well can I have your number,” Jimin spoke causing you to raise a brow.

“So I can send you the pictures.” Jimin quickly rushed causing the two wolves behind him to laugh.

“You already have it.” You spoke walking towards the door.

“I do?” Jimin says confused.

“Yeah, it’s in your sketchbook, see you later.” You spoke before leaving Jimin confused.

Jimin walked towards the back with two wolves hot on his trail. He spots his sketchbook and began flipping through to find a note on his recent drawing.

Thank you for the tattoo!

one of these days you should draw me :)

Finish this convo another day??

____ cell

xxx-xxx-xxxx

“So are you gonna just stand there and not text her?” Jungkook says crossing his arms.

“Beat it Kook.”

unknown |9:40 pm

hey it’s Jimin

You smiled at the message and began to type your reply.

You |9:41 pm

it seems like you got my message.

Jimin |9:41 pm

yeah and I’m taking you up

on that drawing offer.

You looked at the message with a big smile and looked at the time to see that your shift is over in 5 minutes.

You |9:43 pm

Are you really?

Jimin doesn’t seem to answer the message right away which cause you to put your phone in your pocket and you to clean before you clock out.

“Kim I’m leaving!” You shouted waiting for a response.

“Goodnight ____!” She says and you left and you felt a sudden buzz in your jeans.

Jimin | 10:59 pm

Ofc! if that means I get to see

Your beautiful face again I’m down.

Hanging around you is better than hanging with my pack

You | 10:02 pm

Don’t lie

Jimin | 10:03 pm

Who said that was a lie?

[eternalnight8806-3]

Ch 2 The Cat and the Fox

OMG GUYS PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THIS!

I’m about to bombard your asses with chapters of ongoing fics. Now, all of these have been posted on on AO3, ff.net, or both previous to this, but I figured since I seem to have gained a bit of a following (WTF?!?!?!?! LOL) I would post them here as well.

This story has the first chapter here.

Category: Romance, Modern College AU

Rating: Will be Explicit but for now I’ll just say Mature for language and drinking

Pairing: InuKag

Words: 3,697

Also available on ff.net and AO3

Tag list: @keichanz @noviceotakus-blog @hinezumi @morikothehalfangel @cstorm86 @digital-art-monster @cammysansstuff

Enjoy!

Kagome nervously pressed down the plaid knee length skirt she had adorned before opening the door to Yoro North Child Care. Bright colors assaulted her senses. Every inch of the room had been splattered with many different colors of paint. It appeared that they had then had the children walk around and plant their hands all over the walls as well. It was startling, but also cute and endearing.

“Can I help you?” Came an annoyed sounding voice from across the room.

Kagome looked over and saw a young looking woman sitting behind a desk. The receptionist she assumed. She had long red hair tied back in a high ponytail, bright green eyes, and upon closer inspection, Kagome noticed her pointed ears, similar to an elf, marking her as a demon. Kagome's eyes widened. She hadn't ever met a demon in person before.

“Y-yes. Hello. I'm Kagome. I have an interview with Koga?”

The girl-demon's eyebrow quirked, but she pressed a button on the phone sitting in front of her.

“Yes, Ayame?” Came a voice from the speaker.

“I have a Kaguya-”

“Kagome.” Kagome corrected the girl.

Ayame glared at her. “Ka-go-me here for an interview.”

“I'll be right up.” The speaker clicked off.

Ayame didn't say a word to Kagome and simply eyed her until Koga appeared moments later.

Kagome directed her attention to the man, no, demon she'd noticed, approaching her. He also had long hair tied in a high ponytail, though his was black. His head was wrapped in a tawny brown sweatband. She took in his large cerulean eyes and his own pointed ears as he smiled at her. Strong looking legs were wrapped in dark khaki shorts, his upper half was covered by a tight fitting plain dark gray t-shirt.

“Miss Higurashi, it's nice to meet you. I'm Koga.” Kagome took the hand he had outstretched to her.

“Y-yes. Thank you.” She stammered.

A mild chuckle escaped Koga's lips. “I apologize for not informing you that this is a demon child care center. We've had some trouble with our demon child care assistants of late and I decided a human might suit our needs better. I assume since you haven't ran for the hills you're atleast willing to have an interview?”

Nodding, Kagome replied, “Yes. Absolutely.”

Koga stepped aside and presented his arm to her. “Then lets get to it, shall we?”

Kagome lightly wrapped a hand around the offered arm and allowed him to lead her back to what she assumed was his office. She did not miss the death glare that Ayame was shooting her way as she passed the girl's desk.

Koga led her to a chair and motioned for her to sit as he rounded his desk and took his own seat. Shuffling some papers around to make room, he opened up a notebook and grabbed a pen from a mug on his desk that had a beautiful picture of a wolf howling at the moon.

“So, Miss Higurashi, you're a student at Shikon University?”

Nodding, Kagome said, “Yes. A freshman. I'm studying to become an elementary teacher. Hence why this job enticed me.” A smile spread wide across her face at those last words.

A smirk appeared on Koga's face as he wrote something down in his notebook. “Do you have any previous experience that would pertain to child care?”

Her smile faltered slightly. “Not really. Unless you count babysitting my friend's and my little brothers.”

Koga nodded and wrote something else down in his notebook. When he looked back up at her, he sighed before asking, “I'm afraid I have to ask the obvious here, Miss Higurashi. Would caring for demon children or associating with their guardians be an issue for you in any capacity?”

Kagome took a moment before answering. “I don't believe so. Not unless some harm was coming to myself or the children. But I hold no prejudice for demons if that's what you mean. However, this is honestly the first time I've even seen one up close.” She blushed slightly at her admission.

Koga took in her embarrassment and internally chuckled at the girl. “Not surprising. Most humans live their whole lives without ever meeting one of us, or atleast not knowing they did.” He sat back in his chair and rested his hands on his armrests. “I'll be honest with you, Miss Higurashi, we're pretty desperate. I've had no less than 10 caregivers quit or get fired in the last 3 months. I am willing to work around your class schedule of course, but is this job something you're still interested in?”

Kagome took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “May I ask why you've had so much trouble keeping caregivers?”

Koga raised an eyebrow but nodded. “Fair enough. We currently have 15 children under our care. Of those, 7 live here. We also serve as an orphanage of sorts for demon children. I myself live here and care for the kids at night, with some assistance from Ayame and 1 or 2 others from our pack upon occasion. Some of our orphans can be a bit... rowdy. They like to play tricks on the caregivers and sometimes they do take things a little far. They are still kids afterall, just ones with claws and fangs. They also can be a bit manic. Most of them lost their parents in violent ways, often bearing witness.”

Kagome's hand shot up to her mouth in horror. “As such, they can be more than most can handle.” He looked deep into her eyes. “You however, I see a kindness in you that I think may speak to them. In short, Miss Higurashi, I think they may latch onto you simply because you're not one of them and will still treat them as if they were.”

Kagome took a moment to take in everything Koga had told her. Steeling her resolve, she nodded to herself before speaking. “If you want to hire me, I'm more than happy to join your team.”

Koga's face broke into a wide smile. “Great! We can discuss scheduling and everything later. Right now I would like to introduce you to the kids if you're amenable?”

Standing, Kagome swiped her arm dramatically in front of her. “Lead the way, boss!”

Koga laughed deeply as he stood. “You're going to fit in just fine, I think.”

He led her out of his office and down a long, colorful hallway. As they neared a frosted glass door, she could hear loud sounds of crashing items and screaming. He paused briefly, “Brace yourself, Miss Higurashi,” and opened the door.

All of her senses were immediately assaulted. She instinctively covered her ears when a loud crack of what sounded like thunder blasted and closed her eyes to the accompanying blinding flash of light. After the initial shock, she slowly opened her eyes and lowered her hands. Kagome gasped at the sight before her.

The room was a total destructive mess. Smoke billowed from an area of the floor that had a small black mark. Several of the children were cowering in a far corner behind two adult male demons. Two boys who looked no older than maybe ten were crouching low, facing off against a smaller boy, maybe five or six in appearance.

“Hiten! Manten!” Koga shouted. Kagome jumped slightly at the unexpected loudness. The two older boys looked at Koga and immediately backed down. “Just what in the hell do you two think you're doing?” Koga asked as he stepped menacingly into the room towards the boys.

One of the boys turned and faced Koga, straightening up and puffing his chest out. Kagome looked at the boy closely. He mostly appeared human, with the exception of his bright red eyes and pointed ears. His hair was long and black, braided down his back.

The boy pointed to the smaller child and yelled, “He started it! He used his stupid spinning top on Soten!”

Koga knelt down next to the smaller boy and placed a hand on his back, causing the kit to jump. When he realized who had touched him, he uncurled himself and Kagome got her first good look at him. This child had bright orange hair tied in a small ponytail high on his head. His feet were paws and a fluffy tan tail protruded from his behind. His eyes were large and a beautiful emerald green.

“Shippo, is that true?” Koga asked. Shippo ran a hand under his nose and nodded once. Standing, Koga turned back to the other two boys. “Hiten, I don't care who started it. You know the rules. No powers are to be used in a malicious manner.” He towered over the boys and crossed his arms. “Do I make myself clear?” Obviously sulking, the three boys nodded once each and slumped their shoulders.

Turning around, Koga faced the other two adults in the room. “Ginta, Hakkaku, this is Kagome Higurashi. Our new caregiver.” An audible gasp resounded through the room. “You two can get to know her later. Tell Ayame to come here then go to my office. Now.” His tone of voice left no room for argument.

“Yessir.” They both said in unison as they hurriedly skirted past Kagome and out of the room. She turned her attention back to Koga just as he was making his way back to her. He placed a hand gently on her shoulder and addressed the room.

“Class, this is Miss Kagome. She is going to be your new caregiver. As you can see, she is human. So be gentle with her.” He turned his head slightly in her direction and winked at her. Her face tinted red. Turning his attention back to the three boys, Koga gestured to them with his hand and spoke softly to her, “These three troublemakers are Shippo, Hiten and Manten. They all are orphans and Hiten and Manten are brothers with their younger sister Soten over there.” He pointed at a small girl in the larger group who greatly resembled Hiten.

Kagome looked back at the brothers and really took them in. Maten looked nothing like his siblings. As a matter of fact, he didn't look human at all. Honestly, he looked more like a frog than a person. Kagome winced at her thought. She did notice he had a small braid in the back of his otherwise bald head. This was the only feature he seemed to share with his siblings.

Koga pointing to the larger group caught her attention and she turned towards them. Slowly, he steered her closer to the group and began naming them in succession from right to left. “Kai and Shinta, brothers and members of my own tribe. Sakimitama, she's orphaned and living here. Kanna, Moryomaru and Hakudoshi, all siblings with a single father. Jinenji, an orphan. Shiori, our last orphan. And finally we've got Ai, Asagi, and Moegi, all sisters.”

Kagome looked at each child as he introduced them. To her, they all just looked like scared, curious kids, just with some different features or eccentricities. Nothing about these children scared her in the slightest. She smiled at them, hoping to alleviate their fears. Slowly, some of them seemed to warm to her kind aura. The sound of the door opening behind her drew her attention away from the children. She turned to see Ayame standing just inside the door, once again glaring at her.

“Ginta said you needed me?” she said tersely.

“Ah yes. Please watch the kids for a few minutes while I go knock some sense into those two idiots will you, Ayame?”

The girl smiled brightly at Koga. “Of course, Koga.”

Koga once again placed his hand at the small of Kagome's back and began leading her out of the room.”Miss Higurashi,” he addressed her as they exited and started back in the direction of his office, “please leave your class schedule at the front desk. I will look it over and figure out what your schedule will be. I unfortunately must attend to... some business. I will call you later tonight if that's alright?”

“Oh, of course! Thank you so much.” Kagome exclaimed excitedly as he reached his office door and stopped.

“Fantastic. I look forward to it. Now, if you will excuse me...” Koga opened his door and stepped inside, leaving her in the hallway alone.

Smiling to herself, Kagome made her way back up to the front of the building. Stopping at Ayame's desk, she contemplated whether she should actually write down her schedule and just leave it there. She was afraid Koga would mysteriously not receive it if she left it in the hands of the curiously angry woman. Sighing, she decided she could always call Koga later and make sure he had received it and wrote it down on a post it note, marking 'Kagome's Schedule' clearly at the top.

Exiting the child care center, Kagome couldn't help feeling utterly elated. How many people got an opportunity like this one? She pulled out her phone, remembering the person who had even told her about it in the first place.

 I got the job! Thank you so much! It's a huge opportunity for me.

Feeling his phone vibrate, InuYasha pulled it from his back pocket and glanced at it. He couldn't help the small smile that sprung to his lips upon reading it was a text from Catwoman.

 That's awesome. It was really no big deal

 Yes it is! Let's just say that not many people get a chance to do what I'm going to be doing.

 Take care of other people's brats?

 It's more than that.

 How?

 It's hard to explain. I'll just say they're a little more special needs than average kids.

 Oh. So you get to take care of other people's special brats. Got it.

 Ugh! You're exasperating!

That's a big word for a special brat babysitter. InuYasha couldn't help but chuckle at himself for that one.

 Hey! I was valedictorian of Tagara High tyvm!

 Ooo. Fancy.

 Darn right.

 Darn? Really? C'mon now princess.

 Princess?!?!

 Yep.

 ARRRGH!

 Ahoy wench

 You are such a...

 Yes?

 I swear if I ever see you again I'll...

 You'll what?

Miroku waved his hand in front of his friend's face. “Earth to InuYasha.”

InuYasha's eyes looked up from under his bangs at him. “What?”

Quirking an eyebrow at his friend, Miroku answered, “You've been pretty engrossed in whatever conversation you're having over here for the last 10 minutes. Bit weird for you, man.”

InuYasha narrowed his eyes at the man and gave him a low warning growl. “Mind your own damn business.”

A small smirk played across Miroku's features, but he knew better than to test his friend's patience. He returned to his own bed, opening his laptop back up to complete his homework for his morning class.

Satisfied that his dumbass room mate would shut the fuck up, InuYasha returned his attention to his phone screen.

 I'll swat your nose!

InuYasha's lips pursed in confusion. What the hell did that mean?

 Excuse me?

 Um, you know, cause you were a fox?

Clarity rang through his mind. She was trying to be funny and compare him to a dog because of his 'costume'. If she knew how close to the truth she really was...

 Ha. Ha. Wench.

 You're impossible.

 Sure am.

A moment later- Wench.

InuYasha actually chuckled aloud. He was kind of enjoying poking fun at the girl.

 Why you!

 What? *innocent face emoji*

 I swear you're going to regret that.

 Doubt it.

 We'll see.

 Guess we will. Bye wench.

 Bye you vexing man.

InuYasha smiled to himself as he put his phone in his pocket. For some reason he wished the girl would hold true to her promise.

The next few days went by without hearing from Catwoman. InuYasha had debated whether he should text her or not. He didn't want her to think he was creepy or something. But he had to admit it had felt like something was off without her presence, as small as it had been. Even he had noticed he had become more irritable of late, though he was unwilling to admit it when Miroku not so subtly pointed it out.

“You're being a real asshole, dude. I don't know what the hell is up with you, but figure it out before I have to kick you, ok?”

InuYasha glared at his friend. “Like you even could,” he growled.

Miroku cocked his head to the side and smirked. “Try me, dog-boy.”

Huffing, InuYasha just crossed his arms over his chest. “You ain't worth the trouble.”

Sighing, Miroku tried a different tactic. “Seriously, dude, what's up?”

Sitting silently for several moments, InuYasha debated whether he should answer the jerk. But deep down he knew that he was trying to be helpful, and who knows? Maybe he could be. “I haven't heard from her since Monday.”

Confusion crossed Miroku's face before clarity sunk in. He chuckled. “This is about that girl? The one you don't even know the name of?” He received nothing but a glare in reply. Shaking his head, Miroku said, “Look, dude, you do know that texting works both ways, right? Like, you can text her.”

Redfaced, InuYasha spat out, “Of course I know that, dumbass!” Then looking away and speaking more softly, “I just... I didn't want to be weird or whatever.”

“This coming from the only one in the room with dog ears.” Miroku couldn't help but poke fun at his friend. He actually grabbed his stomach from laughing at his own joke. When his laughter finally subsided, the human man was greeted with the very angry face of a hanyou. He put his hands up in the universal gesture of surrender. “I was kidding, InuYasha. Look, just ask her something innocuous. Like, didn't you say she got a new job or something?”

“Yeah...” InuYasha said cautiously.

“Then just ask her how it's going. Simple, effective, and most of all, creep free.”

A hopeful look crossed the hanyou's face. “You really think that'll work?”

Shrugging, Miroku stated, “I can't promise. But it's innocent enough to probably not cause her alarm. You won't know unless you try. Or are you a coward?”

If it wasn't for the fact that InuYasha knew Miroku was again joking he would've punched the stupid shit eating grin off his face. Instead he settled for a growl in his direction. “I ain't no fucking coward, asshole.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Then text her and stop moping. It's a real buzz kill.”

InuYasha glared at his friend as he slung his bag over his shoulder and left for his Friday evening class. Sighing, he pulled his phone from his pocket and stared at the message app for several minutes. Finally, he cursed himself internally. 'I really am a damn coward if I can't even type a fucking sentence.' With renewed determination, he clicked on her name and began typing.

 Haven't heard how that new job is going

Kagome looked up from the textbook she had been engrossed in when she heard her phone ding. Picking it up, she couldn't help the smile that came to her lips when she saw who the message was from.

 It's great actually. My boss seems to really like me. Most of the kids have already warmed up to me. The only bad part is the receptionist. She just doesn't seem to like me for some reason.

 Really? She's fucking dumb then. There's nothing about you not to like.

Kagome blushed at the compliment. I'm not perfect. There's things about me that would give you nightmares! :P

*   eye quirked emoji   *   That so?

  You bet. I'm scary.

  I'm shaking.

  You should be. I'm pretty scary when I'm mad. Or so I've been told.

  Feh. You still haven't got me back for the other day so I'm not convinced.

  Don't tempt me. I know where you live.

  I ain't scared of you wench.

  Back to that are we?

  Yep. I like it. Suits you.

  Does it now?

  Yep.

  How so? I promise I'm not a whore, despite that outfit you saw me in.

  Shit! No! I didn't mean it like that. I kinda forgot it could mean that.

  That's like the only meaning.

  No it's not. It's like respectful slang for cool women.

  Is it now?

  Look it up. I swear.

Kagome did actually look it up.

Wench-

An admired woman in your crew, a talented warrior seductress, that can inspire adventure or take a bland situation and make it rife with excitement.

 Hmm. Alright. I forgive you.

 Thanks wench. ;)

 Nothing going on tonight over there?

 Not tonight. They usually only do a party like once a month. Thank kami.

 Not a fan are we?

 Nope. Don't really like large groups of people. Add alcohol and it's just 10 times worse.

 So why were you at that one?

It was several minutes before he responded. Kagome was honestly afraid she had overstepped until she finally got a reply.

 Forced into it. Brothers have to attend frat functions. It's like frat law or something.

 So if you don't like parties, and you don't seem to really like your frat brothers, why are you even there?

 My friend is a brother. He convinced me to do it. Plus it's a free place to stay while I'm in school and I kinda need that.

 I'm sorry.

 Feh. Ain't your fault. Was my choice.

 Doesn't sound like you had much of a choice.

 Suppose not.

 I wish I could help.

 I'm alright. You work on becoming the best damn brat babysitter there is wench

 *eyeroll emoji*

Kagome noticed it had been almost an hour since they had started this conversation. As much as she hated to type what she did next, it had to be done.

 I'm sorry but I have to get back to studying. I have to work all weekend so I have to get all my studying done tonight. Goodnight.

 Night wench.

She couldn't help but smile at the nickname.

< Prev

Next >

[yellowfang89]

It’s wild how much has happened and changed since 2010, and now going into 2020. I was going to put in a "read more" out of courtesy but for some fuck ass reason, when I came in to edit it, Tumblr isn't giving me that option and the code ain't working and now I'm slightly buzzed so what the fuck ever you can just keep scrolling if you don't care lol.

January 2010- Obsessed with Legend of the Seeker. Wrapped up finishing playing Pokemon Diamond- my first pokemon game on recommendation of my best friend at the time. My last semester of community college started.

March/April 2010- got acceptance letter to the local state college I planned on transferring to. Best friend didn’t get any notice on whether she got accepted or not, but got an acceptance letter from another college about an hour away, and decided to go there instead. After making this decision, she finally got the acceptance letter from the local state college. But she still ended up going to the hour away one. Also, I turned 21 and had my first margarita.

May 2010- Graduated community college with an AA in art. God, I remember when I used to love art.

At some point I ended up officially leaving Myspace for Facebook, kicking and screaming, because everyone had ditched Myspace for it. I hated Facebook but got used to it.

August 2010- went on a two week cruise to Alaska. Came back and started new college afterwards. Had no friends and was lonely, though kept in close touch with best friend over Facebook. Got new Macbook.

September 2010- Finally found myself in a new friend group. Saw a beautiful boy on lightrail I wanted to talk to, but had no courage to. Realized that this kind of shit was probably why I didn’t have a boyfriend, and I wanted a boyfriend for the sole reason of not feeling like a loser for never having one.

October 2010- Saw same beauty, gathered up the nerve and talked to him. Turned out he also went to my school. We started seeing each other regularly on there and things started taking off. 

November 2010- Started hanging out with him regularly, got my first kiss from him. Became an official couple.

2011- Can’t remember what months and for what, because things start blending in together. But

- Beloved cat of five years died.

- Lost my virginity

- Didn’t have much money in bank account and stressed out over it. Couldn’t get a job to rectify the situation cuz no experience.

- Started feeling guilty over the smallest things like asking to borrow a piece of paper from someone. Mentally acknowledging this was weird but also shrugging it off. 

- Lost my appetite and had food problems overall- despite always having “food problems.” Never wanted to eat.

- Distinctly remember my stomach rumbling in class and thinking, “good maybe i’ll starve to death!”

2012- Shit blended in together again this year, and for every year here on out.

- Came to the realization one day when walking to the bus that I literally would not care if someone came at me with a gun because I just… didn’t want to exist anymore. Saw nothing wrong with this.

- The thought “things would be better if I was dead” came to my brain out of nowhere. I briefly wondered if this counted as a “suicidal thought.”

-Decided to Google shit like suicidal thoughts, went down a rabbit hole that made me suspect I had depression. It explained things that I thought were off but didn’t care enough to do anything about.

- Eventually saw a counselor at school about this.

- Got a hamster. Hamster died this same year.

- Got a volunteer position at a library scanning old yearbooks onto a computer so I could have some sort of “work experience” to get a job.

- Boyfriend had got me Pokemon Heartgold earlier. I started trying to “collect them all” because why not.

- I switched from using an ethernet chord to WiFi and it changed my life. Especially since I was able to go on the GTS in Pokemon and trade, though it was fucky cuz you could only trade Pokemon you’ve already seen back then.

- Ended up getting Pokemon Black, and it introduced GTS Negotiations which allowed me to match with other trainers and trade Pokemon live. Due to this, I managed to obtain every Pokemon I couldn’t get in my other games. Except event legendaries, unfortunately. I consider this one of my greatest accomplishments and keep up with this to this day.

- Considered switching my major from Graphic Design to Digital Media because I liked my Digital Media class a lot more than my Design classes. And made that switch.

- I decided to minor in psychology because I had already taken a few psych classes for GE credits so why tf not.

- Towards the end, got a “student” job at that same library doing the same thing except with artwork instead of yearbooks. Finally had money. Depression starting to lift? But job was only a 4-8 hour a week deal so not that much money in the long run.

2013-

- Discovered demisexuality via a comment on Reddit. It described me pretty damn well. Weight lifted off shoulders I didn’t even realize was there. Things made sense omg.

- Joined Tumblr.

- Best friend came over for what turned out being the last time. She was moving to Arizona.

- Got a second job working at the tech company my Dad worked at, helping out the customer service rep.

- Slowly found myself drifting apart from friend. Depression still present. Made things hard but tbh she never contacted me either. I got the impression she was mad at me given she unfollowed me on Tumblr without explanation.

- Since not a lot of work to be done helping the csr, I ended up helping our our shipping guy and became his backup. Eventually the purchaser left on maternity leave and I took her place, eventually becoming the main purchaser because they moved her to accounts receivable.

- Decided that my depression was making me a piece of shit friend so I decided to contact best friend to see how things were, only to get a cryptic, passive aggressive, two-word response back. Ended up just dropping it and figured she’d eventually come around and tell me what was wrong. She never did…

2014

- Depression on and off due to the stress of going to work and going to school. At this point I hated all art and wanted nothing to do with any of it and only went to school for the piece of paper saying I graduated college.

- I think this was when I started calling myself gray ace instead of demi because why the hell not and I’ve only been sexually attracted to one person anyway. Possibly still demiromantic though- to this day I’m still unsure tbh.

- Boyfriend taught me to drive. I got my license. I got my first car.

December 2014- I graduated college. It cured my depression. Unfortunately, it was replaced with carpal tunnel. 

2015

- Carpal tunnel still full force. All I could do was read.

- I caught up on all the books I’ve wanted to read. Eventually came across Warrior Cats. Thought it was stupid for the first 50 pages, but then became addicted. Lost interest when I had to wait several months for the next arc to come out.

- The year I got into wrestling. I shipped Rolleigns so fuckin’ hard.

- Undertale came out and became one of my favorite games of all time.

- Find out brother is addicted to painkillers which is why he had been acting like such an ass.

- Dumped Facebook.

- Driver at the company I worked at quit. Company wants me to be “temporary” driver on top of purchasing, shipping, and assisting the customer service rep.

- Got into writing and wrote a book and continued writing off and on from then to now.

2016/2017/2018? I can’t even keep track anymore.

- Pokemon Go came out and I finally got a smart phone because of it.

- Brother gets girlfriend and then gets married after only being together a year. Brother seems to have gotten better.

- They started having marital problems almost immediately. My brother turned out being an alcoholic and fuck knows if he’s still doing drugs or not he says he’s not but he’s also a chronic liar. A lot of drama happens that I don’t want to get into. They are now divorced- after two years of marriage. 

- Got new laptop cuz Macbook got too old, although it still works.

- The company I had been working at, which had always been a shit company with no money, starts going down the shitter more than it already was.

September 2017- customer service rep quits and I have to do her job on top of purchasing, shipping, and driving. Mental breakdowns become common. Depression worse than it had ever been in my life. 

January 2018- get a 45 cent raise because minimum wage went up meaning I was now making minimum wage doing all the bullshit I was doing.

May 2018- Get new job doing ONLY shipping for a few extra bucks more an hour. Depression cured.

2019

- Got in a car accident (not my fault). Car totaled. Replaced it with a 2018 car so it’s all good.

- Experienced my first flat tire half a year later.

- Still get random bouts of depression.

- Still with same boy from 2010. Would love to move in together but fuck if I know when that’ll happen. 

- Still wondering wtf happened with my (ex) best friend and am still trying to get over it. Am considering the possibility that it was probably my depressed ass not talking to her at all for like 4 months. Unfortunately I have no way of contacting her to try and make peace because we both dumped Facebook.

- Got back into Warrior Cats.

- Dad got new girlfriend. Parents finally working on getting the divorce they wanted to get 20+ years ago but never did cuz neither one wanted to spend money on it.

- Briefly considered taking up drawing again but my skills have tanked significantly because I haven’t drawn since graduating college. Plus I’m lazy. 

- Obsessed with The Witcher.

So much has changed throughout this decade and fuck if I know how next decade is gonna turn out for me but I sure hope it's a better one.

Happy New Year to all, and to all a good night!

[shtcablogs]

Rufus Humphrey is a Loser

In terms of characters on Gossip Girl, Rufus Humphrey is the absolute worst. Actually, let me retract that statement. Vanessa is the worst, but Rufus is a very close second. He’s a failing art gallery owner, father of Dan and Jenny, ex-husband of Lily, and former “rock star”. There are so many things I loathe about RH that I’ve decided to put it all in writing. Rufus is a grade A loser, and here’s why.

He takes real pride in being poor and thinks that having money makes you a terrible person.

He is always on his moral high horse and is constantly disappointed by everyone around him.

He didn’t realize that his wife left him in Season 1. She moved out and had an affair for months, and he was oblivious. 

After Jenny sabotages a charity event by putting on a fashion show of her new clothing line, he tries to get her arrested. He literally tried to send his own daughter to jail. Thankfully Lily was there to talk him out of it. 

He was Lily’s house bitch when they were married. A real trophy husband. 

He dated Ivy after she stole money from the entire family. 

He’s living in the past and thinks he’s still relevant because he was in a band in the 90′s. Band name “Lincoln Hawk”. Cool name. Not.

Rufus: “Guess whose dad is cool?” 

If you have to tell people you’re cool, odds are you’re not cool.

Rufus: “Maybe if musicians got off their blogs and picked up their guitars, the music business would be in better shape.”

Rufus: “You think I’d skip out on a room full of champagne and models? Are you forgetting I used to be a rock star?”

This is me digitally rolling my eyes.

He’s obsessed with being a “Humphrey”. I’m not sure why, you guys are known for being the middle-class wannabe family from Brooklyn.

Rufus: “Did my son just walk out before playing the Q on a double letter? That is so not the Humphrey way.”

Family Scrabble night. Such a Humphrey move.

Rufus: “Show that Celia Rhodes what us Humphrey men are made of.”

Rufus: “Oh, come on. You’re a Humphrey man. No daughter of Lily’s could ever resist.”

Again with the digital eye rolling.

He dresses like he got all his clothes on clearance at Goodwill.

Is he color blind? Is that a man purse?

Those jeans are not doing you any favors.

Turtleneck + look of overwhelming disapproval = The Rufus Humphrey 

The worst outfit of all. WTF is that tie? Sketchy brown pinstripe suit? Burn it all. 

He’s the king of man jewelry. Rufus Humphrey tried and failed to make chokers cool again.

Man jewelry is never a good look, especially when you’re over the age of 25. “Does this bracelet make me look hip?” Nah it makes you look like you’re in the throes of a midlife crisis.

He’s constantly being roasted. Rufus is the butt of everyone’s jokes, and rightfully so. I mean, just take a look at this Halloween costume he put together.

Rufus: “Since when were you the patron saint of former rock stars?” Lily: “Since when were you a rock star?”

Rufus: “At least you don't have to worry about sun damage and we don't have to spend the month of August with Eleanor and Cyrus on that cruise like they suggested. Can you imagine?” Blair: “I don't think the Principality of Monaco's yacht counts as a cruise, Mr. Humphrey.”

Rufus: “Admit it, you’re falling for me again.” Lily: “You’re right. It’s the low income tax bracket, the bad v-neck t-shirts, the awful jokes. I don’t know why your wife left you.”

Carol [sarcastically]: “Rufus, love the loafers. Are those Tod’s?”

Rufus: “I need to know how you and Jenny would feel if I went out tonight for a drink, with a woman.” Dan: “Well, I guess I’d feel like you shouldn’t wear that shirt or there will not be a second date.”

Eric: “And you want to be the cool rocker guy?” Rufus: “Come on, I was the cool rocker guy.” Eric: “Yeah, but now the penthouse, the art, the millionairess wife under house arrest doesn’t exactly scream street cred.”

Lily: “Rufus, what are you doing here? I thought we had security.”

He’s got a hard-on for waffles. Seriously, all the dude talks about is waffles.

Everyone is over your waffles, man.

Especially Jenny.

Congratulations, Rufus Humphrey. You’re America’s least favorite TV dad. Now please be a dear and whip me up some breakfast. Preferably waffles.

You know you love me. 

xoxo,

CA