#i mean ive always felt like i was at home when in water

[canines-crown]

WHY DO I FEEL GILLS ON MY THROAT

[thebigqueer]

ive recently had the biggest realization of my life and that is that my issue is not coffee its caffeine. as in i dont think its coffee that makes me shit its CAFFEINE!!! which is actually so evil

[seungfl0wer]

*Hyunjin Calling You Clingy*

Paring: Hyunjin x Reader (GN)

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Arguing, Cursing, Op Accidentally Punches Hyune in the nose, Blood Mentions, Not Proofread

This is part of a series find the others here:

Bangchan, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, Jeongin

-🩵

Today was a rough day for your boyfriend or so you heard. Walking into the dorms Han was leaving to go get food when he smiled at you “ah y/n good thing you’re here Hyunjins in a bad mood, maybe you can make him feel better” he said as he put on his jacket. “Why? What happened?” You asked surprise because he hadn’t said anything about it. “Oh you know choreograph not going well, he also got into a small argument with Changbin about it so it’s not going to well.” He said as he opened the door to leave. “I’ll try my best” you salute standing there him laughing as he left.

You made your way to his room knocking not wanting to barge in when he was already upset “what!” He said loudly “Jinnie it’s me!” You said trying to put on the happiest voice you could. You could hear him sighing as he came to the door unlocking it he walked back to what he was doing not even greeting you at the door.

“Hi baby” you said with a sickening sweet smile. “Hi” is all he said back his voice a bit cold as he continued to paint. “Ooh whatcha painting?” You asked moving behind him to watch. To you, you were just watching him to him, it felt like you were hovering over. “Can you not stand so close?” He said moving his chair up a bit. Your eyebrows raised a bit “mhm” you said moving back sitting on the bed now.

“I’ve missed you!” You said smiling behind him. He didn’t say anything just “mmhm” to your words. You felt your heart become a bit heavy, feeling bad for him but also now bad you bothered him. You sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke “so why are you here?” His tone coming off as annoyed.

“Oh uh.. just missed you.” Your voice trailing off at how he was being towards you. “You literally see me all the time.” He said rolling his eyes even though you couldn’t see it. “Yeah well I can still miss you haven’t see you at all today” you huffed from behind him. “and?” He said blankly “what do you mean and??” You questioned your voice becoming more aggressive. “And? Like why’s it such a bad thing not to see me? Why do you always have to be clingy and come in my personal space when I didn’t even ask you to.” His words hurt as they came out digging deeply into you.

“Did you really just call me clingy? Me? The one that tries giving you space and then you whine I’m not paying attention to you?” He argued back. “I don’t care how shitty your day was today why the fuck are you taking it out on me!” You continued making Hyune stop painting he turned his body to face you face red “My day was shit yeah, and all I wanted to do is come home and paint. I wanted to relax, cool down and do something I loved but no I’m forced to sit here listening to you bitch and complain.” His words were hot like lava spewing out of him like a volcano.

“Ive literally only said I fucking missed you, you asshole!” You said getting up. As you got up hyunjin went to move hitting the table he was working on and spilling the water all over his painting. His eyes went wide anger overcoming him “See what you fucking do! You fucking ruin everything!” He screamed at you now you could see tears start to fall down his cheek as he yelled. “Go home y/n! I don’t want to see you for a while!” He said his anger now turning into sobs.

He was so overwhelmed and stressed he just broke down. “Hyune..” you said softly reaching out for him “please.. just leave me alone right now.. I just want to be alone..” he said his voice cracking as he sobbed into his hands. “If.. if you do need me.. you know where I’m at..” you said getting up to leave to room. You ended up seeing Han as you got into your car your face saying everything about what had happened he could only give you a sad smile and wave as you drove back to your house.

It was about 2AM when you felt your bed dip down a bit, startled you jolted up punching whoever was there straight in the nose. “AH Fuck!” The familiar voice shrieked. You quickly turned on your bed side light to see your boyfriend there holding his now bleeding nose “Oh my fucking jinnie im so sorry!” You said your hands stuttering as you go to touch. “Honestly don’t be sorry after how I was today I deserved that.” He said getting up to head to your bathroom.

You followed him “don’t say that no matter how much we argue I’ll never think hitting you would solve things” you said grabbing a tissue to wipe his lips now stained with blood. You helped clean him up his eyes never meeting yours, he quickly grabbed your hand that was on his face looking up at you. “Y/n listen- im sorry for what I said it was out of anger.”

You nod “yeah no shit” your tone almost teasing “im being serious I know it’s not an excuse but everything just came crashing down and you coming over when I really needed time to clear my head just- made it worse im sorry i really am though.” He blabbed on. “They say you say things you’re to afraid of saying when your angry.” You said grabbing another tissue his nose still bleeding.

“No really y/n I-“ you cut him off “no Jinnie I get it really.. I am clingy and I do fuck things up a lot no biggie” you nonchalant words making his heart break “y/n your not-“ he tried you cutting him off again “listen.. you’re gonna say no and you didn’t mean it but the fact of the matter is I am clingy hyune I know I am. It’s something I’m gonna have to work on. However you’re gonna have to work on talking to me and communicating things. Tell me when you wanna be left alone before you get angry or just tell me through texts like ‘hey don’t come over it’s me time’ something hyune” you rambled.

He looked up at you “I am sorry for what I said though.. I’m sorry for hurting you.” He said his voice sounding almost strained. You shrug at his response “nothing we can do now, but i think I’ll start giving you more space. Maybe work on me as I do.” You said moving your body. “Your nose is all good.”

He stood up looking in the mirror “you got me really good” he said with a soft chuckle “yeah remember that when you wanna fight again.” You teased throwing up your fists. “Yeah yeah” he said wrapping his arms around you “can we go cuddle and maybe talk a bit?” He asked his voice soft, you nod before he lets you go. “But first” he said taking out a painting he had in his backpack. “This is for you.” He said handing you a pretty painting of flowers in a meadow. “Hyune” you said smiling at it “do you remember that place?” He asked tilting his head “it’s the place I took you to when I asked you to be mine.” He said kissing your forehead. “You might annoy me at times but you’ll always be my muse.” He said fluffing your hair.

💙 If you’d like to read more of my stuff you can find it Here: Master List . Thank you for reading and if requests are open or you just wanna talk feel free to send me something🩵

[ghostboneswrites2]

Arrowhead Jr ||One Shot

New account! @ghostbones was banned! Transferring all my work here slowly!

Summary: Daryl has baby fever

This was a request on my old blog: "ever since i saw daryl holding baby judith ive dreamt about him having absolute baby fever w reader and after babysitting him pestering reader about one?"

18+ MDNI || WARNINGS: Profanity, birth, babies, mostly fluffy

        "Check this out." Daryl said excitedly, holding up a camo onesie he found. You were on a small run with a few others in search of some new clothes for little Judith, since she had outgrown most of the ones she had. 

        "This is for newborns." You told him, taking the tiny outfit out of his hands.

        "I know.." He shrugged, taking it back and setting it down. 

        "Oh, god. Don't start." You begged. "Not again."

        You had been with him since the prison, after Woodbury fell. You were one of the many refugees Rick had taken in after the town fell apart, and the archer took a liking to you from the beginning. You guessed it was partially due to your friendship with his morally-gray brother before his unfortunate passing, but it was mostly just because you were you. He loved you for it. However, recently, with the safety of Alexandria's walls, he somehow caught one of the scariest diseases; Baby Fever. Especially after the two of you spent a day watching her so Rick could work and Carl could go do normal teenager things for a change.

        "Not startin' nothin." He mumbled.

        "No, but you're doing that thing again!" You argued.

        "What?" He shrugged.

        "That! The sad face and the--"

        "That place is perfect." He explained. "The--"

        "I know, I know. The big walls and the pretty houses and the people and the--"

        "I see you with Judith. I see how you look at her, how you rub her nose to get her to fall asleep and all them lil songs ya sing when she cries."

        "So what are you saying?"

        "Just that we could." He admitted. 

        "Just 'cause we could doesn't mean we should." You sighed

        "I know that, it's just... I wanna."

        "Well that's easy to say when you don't have to carry and birth a child to get one." 

        "Forget it." He huffed.

        The rest of the trip was in silence, and not the comfortable kind you so often shared. You were both frustrated. Him, because ever since he held Judith for the first time, when he fed her that first meal she ever had and felt the rush of nurturing a crying, sweet little baby, a hole formed inside him and it grew bigger every day. He never could have seen himself as a family man before that moment, but ever since, it was a primal urge he couldn't resist. To love a woman, to father a child, to protect and provide for his own family. He had already achieved finding a woman worth his affections, which was you, of course, but he still didn't have his own family and it ate him up.

        Your frustrations were sourced elsewhere, though. For one, giving birth sounded absolutely terrifying, especially in a world lacking in hospitals, epidurals, prenatal and postpartum care. You could handle a fair amount of pain, but birth was an entirely different playing field. Not to mention the risks. You had heard what happened to Judith's mom. How could you risk that? How could he expect you to? And that was just the tip of the iceberg. What kind of world would this be for a child? What kind of life would it have? Alexandria was always too good to be true, and sooner or later something would happen, and you'd all be running for your lives again. It was only a matter of time, to you. To be pregnant would mean no more runs, no more fighting, none of the things that made you useful. You'd just be a big burden with swollen ankles.

        You didn't speak when you all arrived back home, or during dinner, or after. It wasn't until you went to take a shower, until you had already stripped down and stepped into the steamy stream of water. He had silently snuck into the bathroom, undressed, and surprised you by pulling the curtain aside and joined you. You had your back turned to him, allowing the water to rush over you and wash away your racing thoughts. He grabbed the bar of soap and lathered it in his hands until he was satisfied, then he began to wash you. You loved when he did that, it was one of your favorite affections he'd show. He always started by massaging your neck and shoulders, then your back, then your arms, and he'd turn you around and work on the front. With little explanation needed, that was his favorite part.

        "Can we at least think about it?" He finally asked, eyes and hands stationed on your bare skin as you watched his face.

        "We can think about it all we want but it doesn't change anything."

        "But this place is safe. And there's a doctor here. And-- Hell, this house alone is more than either of us could've given a kid before the world turned to shit." He argued. You sighed.

        "I just can't shake the feeling that none of this is permanent." You confessed. He stopped washing you for a moment, considering your concerns.

        "What else?" He asked.

        "What else what?"

        "The other reasons. What else?"

        "This place could fall."

        "Don't mean it will."

        "The doctor could die."

        "I'll make sure he don't."

        "There could be complications."

        "That's what the doctor's for."

        "I can't help on runs or fight or--"

        "Got plenty of people that can do that."

        You took a breath. Was he gonna have a rebuttal to each argument you made?

        "Well," you said, "pregnancy makes us crazy."

        "You're already crazy." He smirked. You rolled your eyes.

        "What about medicine? Epidural? You need and anesthesiologist for that and we don't have that which means I'll feel everything and it's gonna hurt!" You rambled. His smirk grew into an amused grin. "What?" You scoffed.

        "You're scared." He said.

        "So what if I am? I should be. You should be. I could die. The baby could die. It could die down the line when we can't protect it--"

        "Now you just insult me. I'd never let a damn thing happen to you or that kid." He snapped. You gritted your teeth together.

        "You can't control everything. What about childbirth? Women died during birth when there were teams of doctors and surgeons. What about now?"

        "You wont." He shook his head. 

        "Why would you want a baby with me anyways?" You groaned. "I don't even like kids!"

        "Now that's just lyin' to yourself, darlin'."

        "Is not!" 

        "Might've been able to convince me if you never let me see you with Lil Ass Kicker, but you're a natural."

        "Jesus. Are you gonna give our baby weird nicknames too?" You asked as the two of you switched sides in the shower so you could was him too.

        "Our baby?" He repeated. You eyes widened.

        "Hypothetically." You corrected. "Our maybe, hypothetical, improbable baby."

        "Nah, I was thinkin' Arrowhead Jr for ours."

        You couldn't help it, you laughed.

        "You're insane." You shook your head, massaging his shoulder with the suds.

        "Look," he sighed. "I'm not gettin' any younger and I want a family. I already got the girl, now I need the girl to have my babies."

        "Babies?!" You gawked. "How many do you expect me to have? I'm not a damn fetus factory I can't just spread my legs and pop them out on a fucking conveyor belt." 

        "I was thinkin' two."

        "Two." You repeated, hoping that hearing the word from someone else would wake him up, maybe make him understand how ludicrous he sounded.

        "Mhm." 

        Guess not.

        "Two!" You said again. "Two babies that you want me to grow and birth."

        "Yep."

        "Do you know what you're asking me to do?"

        "Yeah." He said, turning around to face you. "I'm askin' you to be the mother of my kids and spend the rest of your life with me."

        "Um, the rest of your life. Women live longer than men, statistically speaking."

        "Then think about it. Make the rest of my life mean somethin'."

        "Ugh." You growled. You really weren't going to win this one, no matter how hard you fought. "If you wanted kids so bad why didn't you find someone who had the same goal?"

        "Don't want no one else. Just you."

        "And a kid."

        "Two kids."

        "Let's start with one." You relented.

        He grabbed your face as soon as you spoke the words and kissed you excitedly.

        "Better start workin' on it then." He said, lifting you off the ground and pressing your back to the wall. Things only got steamier from there, and not because of the hot shower.

----

        "Shit!" You whispered, staring down at the third test you'd taken. "Shit shit shit shit!"

        To say it was panic would be an understatement. It was sheer terror. You guessed you knew this was coming but you weren't ready for it yet. The only solace you found was the fact that Daryl would be home soon, and you'd get to see his face light up when you handed him not one, not two, but three positive pregnancy tests.

        He came home shortly after you wiped your tears and pulled yourself together. You were in the kitchen making him a pot of coffee, one that you'd usually share. Yet another thing you wouldn't be able to do for the next nine months.

        You heard the door open, you heard him kick his boots off and set them by the door, and you heard him greet you as he entered the kitchen.

        "Hey." He said casually as you turned to hand him a steamy mug of black coffee, just how he liked it.

        "Hey." You replied, sitting down at the table across from where he took his usual seat. He gave you a weird look when he sat down. He could read you like an open book, and there was very obviously something going on with you that day.

        "No coffee?" He asked, taking a sip of his own. You shook your head. "You okay?" You shrugged. "Talk to me." He said.

        You decided to let him see for himself as you failed to form the words. You were terrified for a lot of reasons, but most of all your pride wouldn't let you say the words, because as much as you hated to admit it, you were also happy. You were happy to make him happy, and you were excited to have someone else to love.

        You reached in your pocket and set the first test on the table. He stopped blowing on his coffee and stared at it for a moment before looking back to you. Then, you set the second one down. He pushed his eyebrows together, either out of confusion or shock, you weren't sure. Then you slapped the third test down beside the first two. He set his coffee down and stood, leaning over them to examine them. You realized he probably didn't know what a single line versus a double line meant, so you gave him a second to read the tests before he reacted.

        The second it hit him it showed. His head snapped up at you, eyes wide.

        "F'real?" He asked quietly. You nodded once and he rushed over to your side, gripping your cheeks between his hands and kissing you over and over and over. You couldn't help but chuckle as you tried to push him back.

        "Oxygen, Daryl!" You giggled. "The baby needs to breathe!"

        "C'mon. We gotta go tell Carol. And Rick. And Glenn. And Maggie." He rambled on and on, adding names as they popped in his head while he pulled you to your feet and ushered you to the door.

        "Daryl!" You protested. "Wait I need shoes!"

---

        You could barely hear Carol as she coached you through pushing with each contraction. The pain was insane and Daryl's hand was probably broken after you had been squeezing it so hard. Denise, the new doctor after Rick may or may not have killed the last one, was also talking you through, sending encouraging words as the baby's head made an entrance.

        "Okay. Breathe. Breathe. One more big push." Carol cooed to your right as Daryl encouraged you from the left.

        "C'mon, (Y/N), you're kickin' ass." He said. Admittedly he spent most of the time it took you to get to this point silent, shock written all over his face. He had no idea how to help you through this, he realized, but he fed off Carol's energy and began to give small words of encouragement when he heard Denise say she could see the baby's head.

        When the next contraction hit, you screamed in agony, pushing with all your might, just like Carol told you. 

        "It's just like doing a sit up."

        You could feel when the baby was out, but you were so exhausted your head just fell back on the pillow as you caught your breath. It wasn't until you heard the baby cry that you looked down at Denise to see her wiping the baby clean and wrapping it in a blanket. She walked over and set the baby down on your chest. "Skin to skin contact is important." She told you, before looking over to Daryl. "For you too, if you want to take your shirt off."

        Daryl was too stunned, just watching in awe as you stared down at your crying newborn baby with admiration. It took him a minute, and a little nudge from Carol who had walked over to his side, before he snapped out of it and leaned in close to you. He got a good look at the baby before he asked, "Boy or girl?"

        "Boy." Denise smiled. She was ecstatic, having successfully aided in the birth of your child.

        "We have a son." Daryl laughed, although it was more of a happy cry. He wiped a tear from his eye as he stood up and removed his shirt, holding his arms out in hopes you'd let him hold his boy.

        "Yeah, we do." You grinned, giving your baby a kiss on the head before you passed him over to his father.  Daryl was breathless as he scooped the infant into his arms, bouncing him and whispering sweet nothings.

        "Hey, little Arrowhead." He laughed. He had called him that for the entire pregnancy.

        "I was thinking about naming him (name of your choice). What do you think?" You asked.

        He nodded and kissed little (baby name). 

        "Hey, (baby name). I'm your daddy."

[dancingbirdie]

This feels more like a character study of Astarion than anything else, but it's part of the series I'm working on called "The Planets Bend Between Us."

Part 1 here, Part 2 here, Part 3 here, Part 4 here.

Everything on Ao3 here.

My Astarion Spotify playlist here.

I hope you enjoy! Comments always appreciated and hoarded like shiny magpie trinkets.

Only You. Only Me.

Rating: Mature (for descriptions of sex/fantasizing)

Pairing: Astarion x f!Tav

Word Count: 2.4K

Warnings/Tags: Astarion's trauma responses, mental health, coping mechanisms, self-degradation, discussion of sex/physical intimacy, angst, fluff.

Summary: Halsin propositions Tav, prompting another important conversation between her and Astarion. Astarion works through more of his feelings about Tav, physical intimacy, and recovering from the torture he previously endured.

***********************************************************

Astarion had always enjoyed reading. It was one of the very few discreet pleasures in which he could partake when skulking about Baldur’s Gate at night. He would read by the light of the lamp posts dotting the main thoroughfares, slouching against them and perusing texts at his leisure. He could even justify the habit to Cazador and his siblings, as on numerous occasions, it captured the attention of unsuspecting passersby who considered his behavior intriguing enough to strike up a conversation. It was a more passive means of gathering victims, true. It felt akin to fishing for prey as opposed to stalking them. But, still, it got the job done, especially on nights when his skin and bones still ached from his master’s beatings. 

Suffice to say, when he pilfered an armful of books from the druid’s grove several weeks ago, he was excited to finally indulge in the familiar activity once more. He had just selected a worn edition of Traveller’s Guide to the Sword Coast Vol. IV: The Risen Road and begun reading the author’s note when Tav barged into their shared tent with an audible huff. 

“Honestly, I was only making conversation…” she grumbled under her breath as she began aggressively rummaging through her pack to retrieve her night clothes. 

Astarion peered at her over the top of the tome, quirking a brow. 

“Is there something you want to talk about, my dear?” he casually intoned. 

Tav scoffed before turning to look at him over her shoulder. “You wouldn’t believe the conversation I’ve just had with Halsin,” she grimaced. 

Ah, so it finally happened, he thought to himself. He was grinning wickedly as he closed the book and laid it next to his bedding. 

“What’s that smile for?” Tav accused. 

A true, hearty guffaw burst from his mouth at that. Tav would have found it delightfully endearing if she weren’t so flustered. 

“I was wondering when you were going to ask me about this,” he replied, still chuckling. 

“What? How could you tell? Did he say something to you already?”

“I guessed! The man can’t stay quiet about ‘enjoying the freedom of Nature’s gifts’,” Astarion said, adopting a low, throaty tone to mimic the First Druid’s voice before cackling again. “Why, I bet he’d outlaw clothing if he could.”

Tav clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “It’s ridiculous. I was trying to make conversation with him a few days ago, because he seemed lonely and out of place. I mean, at least we all sort of know one another now. Tadpole business and all that. I thought he could do with a friend. So I merely asked if he had someone special waiting for him back home. And, apparently, that’s a coded question for ‘I’m interested in you?’ Honestly,” she scoffed. 

Astarion continued to watch her with obvious amusement. 

Tav turned back around and began undressing. He swallowed thickly as he watched her shrug out of her armor and begin untying the laces of her chest binding. The fabric fell to the ground with a muffled thump. He caught a mouth-watering view of the side of her breast as she bent over to fetch her nightshirt. 

His nightshirt, to be more precise. She’d taken to wearing his clothes (with permission, of course) soon after they had begun sleeping together. Said article of clothing was long enough to serve as a nightgown on her.

His eyes followed the curve of her waist and hips as she slid her breeches over the peaks and dips of her legs. His chest began to feel a little tighter, his breathing a touch ragged. He knew he should turn away. Be a gentleman. Give her some privacy, even if she wasn’t asking for it. 

Tav had grown increasingly casual about her nakedness inside the confines of their tent. She wasn’t doing it as a means to tempt him, he realized. Experienced as he was given his former… raison d'être… he would have picked up on the first whiff of it had her intent been to cajole him into sleeping with her again. 

No, her behavior stemmed entirely from a place of trust. She let her guards down - physically and emotionally - with only him. It was a pure thing. Borne out of a sense of security that Astarion hadn’t thought anyone would ever feel with him. The thought alone was enough to send a surge of blood toward his groin. The tent suddenly felt a lot warmer than it had before she’d entered. 

They hadn’t slept together since the night of tiefling’s celebration. It wasn’t because he didn’t desire her. He did, much more than his conscious self possibly cared to admit. He was especially reminded of that truth during moments like these, when she undressed in front of him as though she had done it a thousand times before. Like she’d do it a thousand times again. The way she shared her body with him, even non-sexually, was enough to kindle fire in his blood.

But he still felt tainted, no matter how many times he scraped and scrubbed his skin clean. The sense of it was still there, like an invisible grime marking him as unclean. Unworthy. And the act itself was still tainted in his mind. It wasn’t an easy place to return from – that cognitive hellscape where sex was a weapon, a vulnerability to exploit, a means to another’s end. 

He would frequently picture himself filling her to the hilt, wrapping her legs around his waist, thrusting into her with all the passion he could muster. And at first, it would bring him nothing but unbridled feelings of pleasure. Of yearning. But then the vision would be overshadowed by other thoughts, memories of previous trysts. Reminding him of who he was. What he was. What he’d done to others. What had been done to him. And by the time he was able to beat back those intrusive thoughts, the urge to ravish her would be lost. And he would be left loathing himself for even thinking of touching her, or having her touch him, in that way. 

You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve her. That’s not meant for you. The thoughts would taunt him like crows circling a dying animal.  

He knew she wanted to be with him again. Of course, she never asked for it, the polite and empathetic sweetling that she was to him. They had discussed the subject thoroughly, and she had resolutely accepted his boundaries. He knew she’d never overstep them unless he permitted it. But he could feel her wanting in the desperate way she kissed him. In the way she touched him, so reverently, when they curled up in their bedding to rest. It caused his heart to flutter and fracture simultaneously. Because no matter how desperately he wanted to give her what her unspoken actions craved, he couldn’t figure out how to bypass those horrible memories and thoughts that plagued him. 

Things had gotten better, he had to admit. His aversion to touch and intimacy was slowly but surely fading. There were many nights he and Tav lay together in each other’s arms, lips moving together in perfect, glorious synchrony. They explored each other’s bodies – fingertips ghosting along skin, leaving heated trails of gooseflesh in their wake. 

“Tell me to stop,” she would whisper against his neck, her hands roving the planes of his body, as she peppered kisses along his jawline and the column of his neck. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.”

“Keep going,” he would murmur in return, touching her just as desperately. “Please. Keep going.”

It would continue like that for some time, until it became too much. Until her touch stopped feeling like an analgesic to his mind and more like an agonist. He would tense, and she would feel it. He would quietly whisper “stop,” and she would halt immediately. He would clutch her in his arms, and they would lie still as he recovered. 

He wished he could give her more. Give her everything. She said she never minded. That she wanted them to take this slowly. And he believed her. But still. He knew he was a different sort of lover than she likely imagined her first to be. 

Which was why he had resolved to accept the possibility that she might want physical pleasure with someone else. Someone like Halsin, who could give her that attention immediately. Without the additional baggage and self-loathing that he came with. 

Under Cazador’s enslavement, the question of whether he preferred monogamy versus polyamory was just a cruel joke with an even crueler punchline. And before that, well, he couldn’t remember how he’d preferred his relationships. It was disorienting, to be so unsure of himself. Not knowing whether his decisions and preferences now were a reversal of his former personality or an exact alignment. Maybe some craved that sort of clean slate, but to Astarion it was terrifying. And enraging. 

But matters of self-identity aside, he had pondered long and hard about how he would respond were Tav to express interest in someone else. He had seen the way the gazes of some in their party lingered on her, knew they were curious about his little hellcat. Knew it was only a matter of time before someone became brave enough to proposition her. And he’d resolved to tell her, should she ask, that he would be all right with it. If she wanted to be intimate with another. He wouldn’t mind. 

Because it wasn’t her body he wanted, he had realized. While, yes of course, she was exquisite and beautiful and incomparable. She had a feral sort of beauty that drove his senses stark-raving mad sometimes. But what he really wanted – what he craved from her – lay so much deeper within. He wanted her heart. Her trust. Her pride. Her love. Even if he wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. He wanted to know it, wanted to learn. 

“It’s all right, you know,” he murmured finally. 

Tav turned to face him, tying her hair up in a tight bun for sleep. His nightshirt inched up her long, taut legs as she stretched. 

“What’s all right?” she frowned. 

“If you do wish to be intimate with him. I wouldn’t mind. I’m happy for you to have as much… Halsin as you wish.”

Tav just stared at him, her expression unreadable. 

“I just have one question, though,” he continued, pressing on while he still had the courage and vulnerability to ask. “It wouldn’t be because… you know… we haven’t… in a while?” 

The answer mattered so much to him. It was all he could think about for some time now. It made the defensive, self-preserving part of his mind absolutely seethe with rage, but try as he might, he couldn’t shake its importance.

Objectively speaking, he knew it was reasonable if she did respond with yes, it’s because we haven’t in a while, and I really do want to have sex. She was free to feel how she wished. He wouldn’t dare try to force her to stay with only him. He wouldn’t take her agency away from her like that. 

But still, he couldn’t deny that it would gut a part of him, if that would be her reason for taking the First Druid up on his offer. Astarion knew his penchant for misery and self-loathing would seize that answer like a prized jewel. Taunt him with the reality that he wasn’t good enough, wasn’t worth the effort, wasn’t deserving of anyone’s sole focus. 

“Astarion. Look at me,” Tav intoned, interrupting his frantic spiral. 

He hadn’t realized he’d dropped eye contact, his unfocused gaze instead directed somewhere to the side of her head. 

She knelt down before him, her knees pressing into his thigh. Gently, she took his hands in hers. 

“I don’t want to sleep with Halsin. I don’t want to sleep with anyone else,” she said resolutely. He could hear the conviction in her tone.

He stared at her, stunned into silence. In all his pondering and fretting over this, he hadn’t prepared for that answer. Once again, her response left him feeling flat-footed. 

“Listen,” she pressed forward, scooting closer into his side. “I’m fairly new at this, at all of this really. There’s a lot I don’t know about relationships and… physical intimacy… But I do know myself. And I know that sex doesn’t mean nearly as much to me as our emotional connection does. 

“Really?” Astarion whispered, his eyes darting rapidly across her face, desperate to suss out the truth.

Tav nodded seriously, squeezing his hands in hers. “While, yes, I want you in that way… it’s you I want, Astarion. Not the act itself. Just you.”

He wanted to break down in sobs at her words, at just how much they meant to him. That she just wanted him. Astarion. No gimmicks, no quid pro quo, no expectations. She had said it to him before in a different manner of phrasing, but he wasn’t sure if he would ever tire of hearing it. 

She couldn’t possibly understand how her simple truth, her sincere love for him, was upending his entire concept of life and relationships, like a meteor obliterating the ground beneath it. And out of that obliteration, something new and wonderful and terrifying was arising within him. 

Marvelous as it may be, it was still too much to process. The self-preserving part of him reared up in desperation, anxious to shield him from the unknown. He slipped into his costume of confidence and ease once more, although a distant part of him noted how this façade was beginning to chafe. 

“I know,” he chuckled with an offhanded shrug. He could sense the false bravado in his voice and wondered if Tav could discern it as well. 

“I was being foolish,” he continued. “But thank you for saying it.” 

Tav gave him a warm smile and squeezed his hands one last time before releasing them. 

“Of course, my star” she replied lovingly. “Let’s get some rest then, yes?”

“Yes, my darling. Let’s,” he returned.

He gathered her up in his arms as they burrowed down into their bedding. Tav sprawled on top of him, her head on his chest, a leg hitched between his, an arm banded across his waist. 

Within a matter of moments, she was fast asleep. Careful not to shift too much and wake her, Astarion picked up the previously discarded tome and resumed his reading. 

Astarion had always enjoyed reading. Although, he had to admit, the surroundings and company had dramatically improved since the last time he cracked open a book.

[elliespeach]

no chances part six | ellie williams

pairing: ellie williams x afab reader synopsis: you and ellie are on rival volleyball teams and after letting your competitive nature get the better of both of you, tensions are high on and off the court. warnings: 18+, foul language, implied sexual themes, no smut, fluff after the angst, ellie is a little mean to herself in this part, mentions of weed uhhhh i think thats it? if i missed anything pls let me know authors note: this is the last part guys :)) i wanna do an epilogue but it wont count as a full part really but expect that!! thank you guys so so so much for all the love for this series it really means a lot you have no idea. my bad it took me so long to get this part out, ive been quite busy with life and being sickly but i am so happy to share this with you guys finally !!! i hope it's everything u wanted and more <333 w peace n loveeee

somehow you had managed to keep yourself collected until the end of the game, returning to the gym after splashing some water on your face. ellie never made an appearance, instead remained sulking in her car at how she had treated you. she knew you didn’t deserve that and it haunted her while she drove, alone and in silence. with her absence your team had taken the win but you found it hard to be in a cheerful mood, instead putting on a fake face for your teammates while they were over the moon. the bus ride back was loud and full of energy, everyone was complimenting each other on how they had played, and congratulating each other on a glorious victory. 

at the beginning of the season this would have never bothered you so much. ellie’s words did little to affect you then, but now it took over your mind and her words echoed in your head. her decision to sit out because of you weighed on you heavily and it felt like you were about to burst into tears at any moment. not only sit out, but not show up at all. you’ve always hated her, but the past few months have felt different. felt lighter and more playful, rather than how it was in the beginning. 

staring out of the window, watching the blurry trees zip by while the bus went down the highway, you thought about the hotel. the one little moment you two had shared that wasn’t driven by lust. you weren’t sure what it was that night, but you remember how nice it had felt. seeing her in a completely different light for the first time, wrapped in her arms and just feeling at peace. a tear fell from your eye and you quickly wiped it away, shaking your head and deciding to not think about it right now. 

when you got back into your dorm room, peeling off your clothes and jumping straight into the shower you finally broke down. letting out any and all emotions you had about her. you remained in the shower way longer than you had to, just letting the hot water just run over you. it didn’t bother you until the memory of one of the nights ellie and you had come back here flooded your mind. you had felt extra sweaty from the game and wanted a shower, and ellie didn’t hesitate to join you. she had laughed while stepping into the small shower, “we should conserve water, y’know?” 

that night had been the same as the rest, after the shower she promptly went home, leaving you satisfied but missing something. and that something vanished the second she closed the door behind her. 

with that you ended your shower, stepping out into the cold of your small bathroom. a shiver went through you while you looked in the mirror, seeing how disheveled you looked. it was pitiful to be honest. you thought about texting her, telling her all of the things that crossed your mind as you stood in front of the mirror. how could you say that to me? i was just trying to help. 

only to realize that you didn’t even have her phone number. it made some sense, there wasn’t a need to anyway as you only spoke at games. still, the realization burned in your chest like wildfire and you quickly made a decision. “fuck it–” you said to yourself, throwing off your towel and replacing it with comfortable clothes. thankfully, during one of your new found traditions with ellie, she realized she didn’t bring any of her stash and you had looked a little too disappointed for her liking. she offered her dorm up almost instantly, following it up with a quick and faulty reasoning. you knew exactly where to go. 

within seconds you were in the stairwell, keys jingling in your hand and the sound of your slippers echoing off the walls. you went down three floors all the while rehearsing the speech you were going to give her the second you laid eyes on her. because of me? you didn’t play because of me like it’s my fault that we’re in this fucked up situation? you trotted down the last few steps leading to the exit door. you’re vulnerable enough to have sex with me every week but a conversation is far out of your realm of capabilities i guess. you pushed open the door with a huff. you’re too stupid to realize that we might actually hav–

“can you hold the door for me–” the sound of her voice made you look up from the ground, your pace diminished and you took slow steps out of the door. it shut with a click behind you while you looked into those familiar green eyes. “oh, fuck,” ellie said nervously, she defiantly wasn’t expecting it to be you. 

“what are you doing here?” your eyebrows furrowed, but your tone remained neutral. suddenly feeling the burning in your chest start to evaporate. the lamp posts cast a dim light on her standing on the sidewalk, playing with her fingers nervously and often shifting her weight on either foot. 

“was waiting for someone to let me in–” 

“no i mean, like why are you on my campus?” you asked, swiftly putting your keys in your pocket.

she hesitated, looking down to the ground before back up to you. “i uh, wanted to talk to you–” 

“thats a first,” the words spilled out of your mouth with a sarcastic laugh. 

ellie’s face contorted into a grimace and she shook her head, “whatever, i knew i should’ve just went home.” she spun around, taking only a few short steps down the sidewalk. 

involuntarily your eyes rolled and you jogged to catch up to her, pulling her wrist and turning her back around to you. now only being a few feet apart,  ellie could see the redness in your eyes from crying. being embarrassed you looked to the side and let go of her wrist. “if you wanna talk, let’s talk.” 

she gestured to your pocket where you had placed your keys, “i don’t wanna keep you from wherever you were going,” she tried to deflect.

you blinked, quickly trying to come up with anything besides telling her that you were on your way to give her a piece of your mind. although now standing in her presence everything felt too harsh, all the words you had prepared slipped away from you. “it wasn’t as important,” you shrugged, offering her a faint smile, “we can talk.” 

“so i’m important?” ellie teased, her lips curling at the ends slightly and she stuffed her hands in the pockets of her sweatpants. seeing your smile ignited something inside of her that made her feel softer, more comfortable. 

“didn’t say that,” you quickly rebutted while walking leisurely past her, expecting her to follow you and she did. 

“yeah but, you implied it.” she quipped, coming up beside you and keeping your pace. the lamp posts did little to illuminate the world around you and most of the walkway was dark until you were directly underneath the light. 

you sighed lightheartedly, “yeah, whatever,” you began, taking a beat between your thoughts. “so are you like, gonna apologize for being a total asshole?” 

ellie sucked in a deep breath, looking straight ahead. the cool night breeze was comfortable, but it didn’t stop your face from growing hot with anticipation. “yeah, i’m sorry ‘bout that,” ellie’s voice dropped, the amusement in her tone vanishing with the wind. “i shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” 

“then why did you?” you asked genuinely, your voice matching hers. your eyes were glued to your feet as they scraped the cement below. 

“i don’t know,” she responded, taking a quick look at you but you didn’t meet her eyes although you could feel her gaze. “i do know that whatever this is between us is confusing–” 

“i’m not confused,” you admitted, playing with your hands. “i don’t think you are exactly that confused either. that conversation by your car a million years ago? you all but told me how you felt, so why is it so much harder for you now?” 

“because someone like you doesn’t need to waste their time with me,” ellie’s eyes diverted to the field beside the sidewalk, staring into the darkness while you finally glanced over to her. “i’ve been awful to you, even before our–” her hands gesture in front of her, “you know.” 

“we’ve both been awful to one another, ellie. somehow none of that changes anything for me, does it for you?” her eyes found yours, now under the glow of the lamp posts her green eyes bore into yours and her expression was one you hadn’t seen before. 

“i don’t want it to,” she started, keeping her gaze on you as you two remained walking forward. her mind was racing, she had been too focused on how she treated you that she didn’t even take into account that it was a two sided street. if she was being honest with herself, she never paid mind to how mean you could be right back to her. it finally registered that no matter what you did to her, her feelings for you would never dissipate. “i meant what i said that night.” 

“about what?” 

“about not wanting to see you upset,” her feet stopped, and you only took another step before noticing, turning to stand in front of her. there was a moment of silence as you looked at her trying to find her words. “i really am sorry for everything.” 

you approached her, standing just inches away. “i’m sorry too,” her eyes wandered up from the ground and into yours yet again, “we really were assholes to each other, huh?” you chuckled lightly, trying to alleviate the heavy mood that had settled around both of you. 

ellie couldn’t help but laugh as well, “yeah, we were.” your hand reached up to her cheek gently and she leaned her head into your hand. “but that all stops, okay? i promise.” ellie’s hand grabbed the wrist that was holding her cheek, rubbing her thumb across your soft skin. 

“i’m not promising anything,” you joked, the tone in your voice going up. “it’s fun to see you all flustered.” 

“oh, so it’s like that?” ellie’s lips turned up at your words and she grasped for your hips but you snaked away. you giggled, playfully turning around to escape her grasp. you made it only a few feet before she had come up behind you, wrapping her arms around your waist. you both fumbled over one another, rolling into the grass beside the sidewalk all while laughing at each other. 

“ellie!” you giggled again, the grass tickling every part of your exposed skin. ellie had landed on top of you, her arm planted firmly in the grass beside your head as she looked down on you and the smile on her face never faltering, along with yours. 

in this moment, it was only you and ellie. everything around the two of you seemed to disappear as you longingly stared into each other. a piece of her hair had fallen from her tight bun and you gently tucked it behind her ear, running your hand along her cheek again. “can i take you on a date? a real one?” she asked in a whisper, never taking her eyes off of you. 

“you don’t even have to ask,” you answered her in the same tone, your chest swelling with her every word. ellie leaned down and planted a soft, loving kiss on your lips. something unlike she had ever done. every kiss you two had shared was sloppy, desperate and full of lust. but this time, it was sweet, slow and passionate. her hand cupped your cheek before she finally pulled away, resting her forehead on yours. 

“if our coaches could see us now,” she laughed, which made you do the same. you wrapped your arms around her neck as you always do, the warmth from her radiating like the sun. 

“bet they’d still try to bench us–” another spring of laughs came from the both of you before ellie finally pulled herself off of you. standing up she stretched her arm to help you up, which you took happily. “do you wanna stay over?” 

the question was like music to ellie’s ears, “i’d love to–” she planted a delicate kiss on your cheek. 

“good good,” you trailed, turning around to look at your dorm building which was easily more than a few yards away by now. being around ellie brought out the competitiveness in you yet again but this time it was more playful. “wanna race?” 

“seriously?” she turned her head, the smile on ellie’s face was now permanent in your presence. 

“what? you scared?” you mocked her lightly, tapping her shoulder and she scoffed at the accusation. 

“you know what? yeah, let’s race. i bet you–” 

you took off sprinting, even in your slippers you had managed to get a great head start. you could hear ellie’s footsteps behind you, slowly catching up. “hey, that’s cheating!” she shouted from behind you. while she watched you win the childish bet, she felt stupid for not allowing herself this type of happiness before, but if she had the chance to go back and change anything, she never would.

epilogue

[rabidaly]

Ok one more update from a shark in the water? Please???

Here’s the first 1k(roughly)! Keep in mind I haven’t edited and I had like. A three-month long writers block for this fic so I’m not super attached/happy with this intro— it may change when I go ba��ck next weekend!

Hopefully it’s enough to wet your appetite tho ;)

—

Stiles had friends.

Lydia was his friend. Erica. Danny and Kira danced the line between acquaintance and actual friendship, but gun to his head, Stiles would count them as the latter. And Scott. God knows they'd been inseperable for over a decade.

It's just—

Stiles didn’t text his friends the way he texted Derek.

Or as often.

It wasn’t anything serious. Just lots of little, trivial things: pictures here and there, Stiles blinking doe eyes at the camera, biting his lip. He texted Derek about his annoying professor, the chronological order of the Marvel movies, his attempts at latte foam art. Stiles rambled and vented and altogether talked too much, but—

Derek always answered.

Even if it was a simple, one-word reply. Even if sometimes it took a couple hours. Stiles wasn’t sure he’d have been able to stop even if he didn’t; every little thing that popped into his head came with the companion thought of, oh! I wonder what Derek would think about this!

ive never seen you play a video game, he texted on Thursday evening.

I don’t. What are you playing?

COD

with scott

R u home?

At the gym.

Stiles had figured as much, but he still caught himself sighing. They were in the Hale-McCall living room, playing on Scott’s family Xbox, both sore and tired from their shifts at work. From his spot on the couch, Stiles could hear Peter humming in the kitchen, most likely prepping for dinner. Melissa was still at work.

And Derek was at the gym. Snooze.

how much can u lift? Stiles texted, before his character on screen ran into a wall and he had to put his phone down. Scott side-eyed him, hard.

Stiles caught the tail-end of Scott taking incoming fire before his phone buzzed again. He looked back down.

I can lift double your weight, easy, Derek had typed, cutting to the heart of the matter.

Stiles pinkened.

for how long?

For as long as it takes. Derek replied. it’s your endurance we need to work on, if anything.

Stiles could taste the sharp edge of Derek’s condescension on his tongue. Something inside him went molten-hot, liquified, like the liquid wax of a burning candle.

maybe you should take me to the gym with you, he typed, squirming at just the thought of it. Derek all sweaty, the graceful arch of spine, muscles flexing as he lifts himself. we could be workout buddies.

Would you wear leggings?

Stiles readjusted on the couch, his leg coming up against his chest.

in public? no.

but I could sit on you.

on your back. while you do push ups

A bit too daring. Stiles bit his lip when Derek didn’t respond. He focused back on the game, hoping to distract himself.

It didn’t help much.

Scott huffed, throwing down his remote when they both died.

“What is with you, man?”

“What do you mean?” Stiles said, peeking at his phone again. No new messages.

“I mean, you’re not even watching where you’re going. You just got us both killed!”

”I’m just—“ Stiles felt unreasonably grumpy. “Bored. Can’t we play something else?”

“Like what?”

Like Mario Kart, per Stiles’ suggestion. The best part about Mario Kart was that Scott was—

“Awful, man. Just terrible,” Stiles laughed as Scott swerved off the road, twisting his remote uselessly, as if that were going to do anything while he wasn’t holding down the gas. “Honestly, it’s embarrassing to watch. You should just stop. You’re bringing shame to your family name.”

“I used to beat you at every game!”

“Yeah, in like seventh grade.” Stiles shook his head. “How’s it feel, Scott? To have peaked in middle school?”

“I haven’t peaked, I’m just—“ Scott threw down the controller as the track completed, screen flashing the stats. Scott in tenth place, Stiles in first. Just like the last time. And the time before that. “Out of practice. God, screw this. I want to play Skyrim.”

“Skyrim is god-awful on the Switch.”

“Well, then, I’ll bring the PS4 down here.”

“But it’s single player,” Stiles scrunched up his nose. “I’m not going to just sit here like your girlfriend and pretend watching you play video games is interesting.”

Scott looked offended. “Allison isn’t pretending. She said she loves watching me play.”

Right.

“Sure she does.” Stiles rolled his eyes. "We can just put on a horror movie or something, play fuck, marry, kill." A weird little tradition of theirs, any time they break out the b-rate horror films.

"Which one do you wanna watch?"

Stiles shrugged, "You pick."

He checked his phone again. Sighed for the millionth time.

Scott noticed.

“Who are you texting?”

Fuck.

”No one important,” Stiles said quickly, and put his phone face down on the side table.

Scott stared at it. “Is that a new phone?”

”What? No.”

”It’s pink," Scott pointed out. "Your phone's not pink.”

Stiles really needed to get a case for the thing. “Okay,” he conceded. “It’s a new phone. I splurged.”

The reaction was immediate.

”Stiles! We’re supposed to be saving up for an apartment!” Scott shook his head. “You’ve got to stop spending money, dude.”

Scott was definitely right about that. Stiles might not have bought the phone, but he'd hardly saved a dime since he’d started his job. He’d been too busy buying— well. You know.

As if summoned by the thought of his underwear alone, Stiles' phone (finally, finally) buzzed. Stiles had moved before his brain had fully processed the sound, snatching his phone up from the table on reflex.

Stay put. I’ll be there in 10.

Stiles’ cheeks darkened to a fire-engine red. Uh-oh.

[waddleonmywaywardducks]

Broke witch tips

So, if you've been practicing for a while, you may already know how expensive it is to be a witch. With spirituality on the rise, america has obviously found a way to make connecting with yourself and the world around you expensive, with metaphysical shops overpricing herbs, crystals, and even candles for deities, it's really becoming harder and harder to find things that won't break your bank but also provide for your craft as well. So I've decided to make a post about how to avoid spending all this money on watered down capitalistic spirituality. Let's began

Connecting with your surroundings...

Whether you live in a bustling city, a quiet beach side town, or maybe you might be surrounded with country hicks (aka, southern Texas lol), there will always be a way to connect with your world. I understand that it might be harder to connect with your surroundings if you live in city filled with concrete instead of lushious green fields. So here are some ways I've connected with my surroundings while living in the city.

- find near by forests, whether it's a national park or just a regular forest, this will allow you to not only connect with your local plants and nature spirits. Finding a forest near you will also allow you to gather resources for your craft as well (more on this later).

- connect with your community, this could be your neighborhood, gsa clubs, really any school clubs, going to community events. Just find any way to connect with the people in your area. The community Ive made in my small town allows me grow stronger with my surroundings. We go on walks, to shops, thrift stores. I recommend this because getting out in the world and walking next to people you can relate to will make you feel more at home.

- go on walks/drive around. This might be far fetched but I connect more with my surroundings when I'm looking around for places to go. I get to see how my surroundings react to the world around me and I start to become more familiar with the wildlife and plant life of my town.

I honestly didn't live in the city for long. Once I moved out of my mother's house I immediately went back to rural towns. I've just always felt more at home here. So I'm sorry if this doesn't really help

Why I avoid metaphysical shops...

I love a good witchcraft store don't get me wrong, but a lot of the stores in my area are just wayyyyy to new age wiccan and are riddled with appropriation, so I just tend to avoid it. And alot of the time the people who work there aren't even practicing practitioners, which is ok, people need money, but it's just weird for me to see idk idk maybe I'm weird. Here are some ways I avoided spending tons of money and metaphysical stores.

- walmart, walmart doesn't actually sell any witchcraft stuff, but it can be used for witchcraft, such as herbs, Walmart has so many kitchen herbs for like super cheap, I literally get all my herbs from Walmart. I also get my candles and incense from Walmart too. They sell a wide variety of candles I love it so much

- family dollar, like walmart, they sell herbs for super cheap (its not a large variety like Walmart) BUT!!! they have a wider variety of actual good incense, I mean yeah it's supposed to be used to cover up the smell of weed (blunt effect incense), but they smell so nice and have alot of smells (lavander, dragons blood, frankincense), they also sell huge candles of all different colors, which can be used for all sorts of things. They offer room decor for cheap as well, and their room decor is really cute too. I useally use it to decorate my altars. I love family dollar

- POPSHELF!! i don't know if popshelf is just a Texas thing but they are so so so cheap. They sell beautifully made candles for super cheap, they sell really cute room decor that follow the seasons. Right now, since it's summer, everything is ocean themed and I love it so much, so much inspiration for Aphrodites altar lol although i do not recommend buying their incense, its really bad quality.

But if you don't have access to any of those....find your local forest and research invasive herbs, then create relationships and correspondences for them. I RECOMMEND DOING THIS SOOO MUCH!!! The more you become knowledgeable on your environment the more you will connect. I started creating my own correspondences with herbs that are local to me around three years ago, and since then I don't think I normally go out to buy herbs unless I absolutely have to. I use everything I find in the forest, whether it's sticks I make into a pentagram, or some ferns wrapped around a stick to make a broom, I will always try to find a way to go out and forage before I spend money on things I will evidently need again.

Creating your own relationships and correspondence with herbs in your area

Literally practitioners have been crating their own correspondences for herbs for centuries, it's how we got the correspondences we have now. But why stop this?? I recommend buying books on medicinal herbs. I have only ever bought one book on magical herbs and I don't even use it as much as I do my medicinal herbal book. Like if we take the magical properties of herbs and look at the medicinal properties of herbs they are basically the same thing (little tip for closeted witches, just say you are interested in herbal remedies), like the medicinal properties of lavander are relaxer, used to go to sleep faster and then the magical properties of lavander are dream work, anti anxiety. They are literally the same thing. Just buy the book you'll thank me later. The more you research local herbs in your area the more you will develop a relationship with them.

Some Tumblr posts I recommend looking at

Broke witch tips

Witchy stuff to add to your room

In the end....

Don't let people tell you "you need expensive items for witchcraft because it'll make you stronger" because that's not true, I hate that ideology. Use what ever is available to you, get crafty, explore, connect. Ok bye.

[meltedbluecaterpillar]

Hemophiliac

you are here - ch. ii - ch. iii - ch. iv

A/N: This is a commission for @twisted-desires . I am a big fan of vampires and this will be another male!reader. The AU is... It is a little modern... But more... A form of the 50's or 60's in a way. Don't think too hard about it...

tags: vamp!male!reader x noble!riddle rosehearts, aged up au (Riddle is 20+, reader is 200+) wc: 1k+

Riddle sobbed quietly, stuffing some of his clothes into a small leather suitcase. Big round tears rolled down his cheeks as he wiped at his face with a pale shaking hand. “She’s so… Just so awful to me…” He whispered under a croaked breath. Hiccuping softly he crossed the room to grab his coin purse from his vanity, adding it to his suitcase as well. Riddle Rosehearts has always obeyed his mothers wishes. He has always done what she asks of him even if he didn’t want to. But this was something he would refuse to do.

His mother is the most well respected doctor in the country. Especially being a woman in the field of medicine while his father was off in another country for reasons he couldn’t get answers to. He wondered if the reason his mother arranged a marriage without Riddle’s knowledge was because of this. Just telling him over lunch this afternoon that he was set to marry a woman he has never met before. “Just because I’m twenty years old doesn’t mean I want to marry… She married when she was twenty three… Maybe I want to wait…” Riddle grumbled bitterly to himself as he zipped the suitcase shut and looked around his large bedroom. It was illuminated by a yellowing gas lamp chandelier high above him. 

Everything he owned was selected by his mother. Clothes, books, the very bareboned decor… Even the cream and olive colored wallpaper with fern lace. He had nothing of his own that he could truly feel attached to in this large and lonely manor. It was hardly a home. It was just a place he lived in. That is why it felt so much easier to run away under the cover of the gray, cottony clouds and the blacked out moon. He sniffled away one final time before grabbing a thin necklace with a small silver cross, and his thick, red, traveling cloak. The sky was starting to rumble, and the delicate tap of rain pelted against his bedroom windows. 

It was dark. The moon had vanished as he slipped past the servants quarters, down the marble stairs, and out the heavy doors of the manor. He held tightly to his leather suitcase, keeping it protected beneath his cloak as the rumbling grew louder and the rain fell harder. Riddle cautiously avoided the puddles as he raced up to the iron gate. His body was thin enough for him to slip through, but his bag was the problem. He pulled and grunted, attempting to yank the bag through the bars before slipping and landing on the soaked ground. His bag tumbled into a large mud puddle on the other side. He would be traveling even lighter than expected. 

Riddle despised the dirt, but he had no time to complain. He had to leave now or be trapped in a loveless marriage with a woman he didn’t know. The young man kneeled in the softened earth, sticking his arm through the water soaked bars to pull his bag close enough to dig through. Riddle would only take his coin purse and abandon the rest. It didn’t matter. All of his clothes are things his mother bought him. Riddle rose to his feet, the small purse tight in his icy fingers as he began to walk down the lonely dirt path. No destination in mind. Only the rain and cold kept him company as the manor shrank behind him. Riddle had never done anything like this. He had fantasized about running away. Of vanishing into thin air with no traces of him ever existing. But everyone reaches a breaking point. This was his. 

It was exhilarating, 

This newfound freedom to wander the world as a proper adult. No one would tell him what to do. Riddle could live in the forest among the deer and the little bluebirds. He could bathe in the rivers and nap in a patch of clover. All very idealistic despite the stormy weather. But that would be for the future when he abandons the modern world for a life among the trees. For now he needs somewhere to hide from the rain. “If I seek shelter from Trey… My mother will surely find out. Pinkā is completely out of the question.” He murmured as he found himself nearing a wooded area. If he camped out in a cave for the night he would have better luck in the morning. With the moon and stars hidden it was impossible to see anything. So he would just have to pray. The foliage was thick, branches swatting against Riddle’s legs as he continued his trek. His boots continuously became stuck in the soft soil, and it became harder and harder to walk among the dark trees. Riddle didn’t mind. He actually was enjoying himself. 

For the first time in his life he was able to go somewhere alone. Even if he had no real destination in mind, his mother wasn’t holding his hand. Riddle is an adult and he wants to be seen as one. As he walked, he made it to a clearing. One he couldn’t recall ever seeing near the manor in the past. A small manor, appearing ancient and gothic with its architecture. A large iron gate surrounded the area but Riddle was confident in his thin frame to squeeze through the bars. The cobblestone path clicked beneath his heels as he avoided the larger puddles. The plants all looked dead, yellowing and bone dried under the sun. Riddle walked closer and closer, feeling the chill from the sleet starting to settle into his bone marrow. Maybe the place was abandoned? He now stood at the doorstep, staring at the heavy oak double doors with a trembling fist. He would knock and announce himself. If no one answers he will just let himself in. It isn’t a crime to break into an abandoned building. Riddle will just say he was sleepwalking. 

Before Riddle could muster any more courage, the door suddenly opened and a masculine frame greeted him. But something felt wrong. Riddle just hasn’t pieced together what.

[romanscoming]

Hi. I was wondering if u can do evan peters x black reader, where the reader is dating evan peters, since evan is stressed from work he comes home to the reader is in lingerie waiting for him and giving him some release from his stress to make him feel better. (If u know what I mean, smut) love your fanfics.

mmm,, yeah—IVE BEEN WANTING SOMEONE TO REQUEST HIM IN GENERAL.

NEEDY!EVAN PETERS x BLACK!CLINGY!BIMBO!GIRLFRIEND!READER SMUT - 16+

NEW TAGLIST | REQUEST | WATTPAD | visual porn link for this fic here!

REQUESTED OR ASKED;

- YES. (ABOVE)

WARNING !

p in v, rough sex, praise kink, oral (both receiving), sub!reader, dom!Evan, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), sir kink?, pussy slapping, face slapping, messing up makeup kink, spanking, pussy/dick drunk, using sex as a relief, fingering, dogging style, cum-play, mild breeding kink, creampie, overstimulation, breeding kink, body worship, crying kink, size kink, nipple play, whining/crying during sex, Evan being a lil soft/rough, pet names (READER: bunny, good girl, angel, doll | EVAN: baby, bear, sir, love)

YOU HAD BEEN TEXTING EVAN HOURS BEFORE HE WAS SUPPOSE TO GET OFF OF WORK, this was a normal thing.. you always did it just to make sure he was okay or, to see what mood he’d be in when he would return home, but he'd been quite busy the pass few days.

Well, today it seemed as if he was in a frustrated mood, he was hardly texting back, and when he did it was a little rude with maybe about two to three word response, you didn't take it to heart, you know you boyfriend has a hard job and need to be focused on that.

You stopped texting after he supply replied to your last message with a small 'K', you quickly cleaned the kitchen and living-room before he would arrive, not wanting to make anything worst then it already was.

You hummed into the shower as you felt the warm water falling onto your gorgeous melanin skin, before standing there daydream, which turned into sex-dreaming about Evan, these thoughts.

Parts of you were getting wet and not from the water, you quickly grabbed your wash towel and scrubbed your body with it, relaxing yourself more, just as your thoughts move to Evan again.

Ever senses you guys been dating, for about 5 months, all you can think about when your home alone is him, he was always on top of your mind, 'how is Evan feeling today,’,, ’did Evan leave the house happy or.. did I do something wrong?’ it was like being under a spell, a obsession spell.. he was something like, a toy you wanted as a kid and could never have but that wouldn't stop you.

You had him lock in as well, but in your mind you were still competing for his love, for some reason you couldn't understand, you wanted him to do everything to you, every little thought he had of you—you wanted him to do it.. even if it was risky.

You dried yourself off, as you stepped out the shower and pulled yourself to the mirror and looked at yourself, you let out a sigh as you felt yourself missing him even more, missing his touch, his sweet kissing all over your body, and his soft voice as he would say the most sweetest things and have you feeling like putty in his hands.

You quickly got pretty for him, finishing up your skincare routine, having all of your melanin glowing for him, and fixed your braids into a bun leaving the two front pieces out, you sunkiss skin glowing in the light of the bathroom as you quickly slipped on the lingerie dress.

That was finished, you ended up doing a little bit of bodycare, lotion up your legs, arms and shoulders making sure your body is all soft and smooth for him, before going back down to the kitchen in your bunny slippers, making a families famous lasagna with a side of corn and a biscuit while having your apron over your dress

As soon as you were done placing the noodles in the pot, you place the lid back on top of the pot and place the biscuits in the oven to heat them up as you quickly rushed back to your shared bedroom and got it spotless clean before he came.

And just as you finished—you were back in the kitchen,, and he was opening the door, you stayed near the oven, moving back and forward from the sink and there’re as he called out for you, "Y/N, doll where ya' at?"

You replied to him, "Hi baby, I'm in the kitchen just give me a second, Okay?"

He replied with a simple ‘Okay, love.’ as you took your stop back by the store and dump the corn into the empty small pot before turning the oven heater on; making the biscuits warm up a little faster.

Before you went it, Evan was in the kitchen breathing in your neck heavily, with his lustful eyes on you.

"Welcome back my love,.. I've been thinking of you all day." you said quietly as you turned your head and let your nose poke at the side of his face before licking him and, kissing his nose and cheek, as he rapped his arm around your waist wanting to you to be closer.

You smiled as Evan kissing your cheek down to your neck and rubbed around your hip making you relax more in his hands, finally giving him his sweet welcome home kisses, smooth, warming and heart felt kiss you'd given to him, he pulled you even closer, settling your core near his crotch, as your hands rested on his shoulders trying to keep yourself settled without feeling weak to your knees, just as he smashed his lips back onto yours once again.

Just after that kiss your hands were behind your back shorter then a second after, as he started to tie his belt he'd just took off to your wrist, locking them together and behind your back, you whined in pain and pleasure before looking back into his going dark eyes and squirmed around him as he quickly pushed you off and dropped his pants to the floor.

Leaving him with his socks and shirt, which he quickly token off shortly after he'd slid your panties to the side and smashed your ass against his crotch once again.

Before kissing you roughly.

"Ev-a~ Evan!" you moaned quietly as you felt his eyes on you and his cock slide through ur slit over and over, back and forward before his tip had gotten closer to touching your sensitive entrance before sinking down onto it causing you to gasp, and pant just a little.

"Cmon bunny, relax-mm.. I've been needing this all day..I couldn't stop thinking of-ah!" his thrusting were becoming a mess over you, but you were enjoying it the more, you arched your back laying your head on his shoulder as he thrusted more quickly as you moaned back a hum to him and let your cunt tighten about him.

"..Of coming home from work and having dinner with you and proceeding to shower-sex,, but angel is this better.. so much better nnhh~" his grip around ur arm pulling them back got tight, as you relaxed your hand to feeling on his lower chess, wanting him to relax and not overpower himself like he does a work.

"'m here now bear~ use me as you please-AaaAh~ I-mm~ I want you to feel better, and in relief sir!.. goddd-aanGh~" you whimper in a moan as you clench on to his cock more, not wanting it to remove from the spot it was at already, he chuckle in your ear before smiling into your neck and his thrust had gone faster and faster like the speed of a light.

He instead to tell you, "Be a good girl and don't you dare move your arms from behind your back.." You moaned as his words wanting and craving more and you clench more tightly to him again, as you breathing increasing you were panting again,

His hand fell to your breast which he quickly expose to the mid air around the house, rubbing on your perfect brown nipples before squeezing them and flicking his middle finger over your sensitive left nipple making you push back against him and back arch more.

You were looking up at the ceiling, babbling over and over, "Please.. Evannn~ bear my goodness.. Ahh~ I don't think--ngh~~!" He shushed you but you couldn't stop, drool coming from the edges of your mouth.

As you hand started to grip into his chess your nails digging hit and he groan from the pain and pleasure as you quickly moved your hand to massage the mark your nails left.

You let out a cry, and the tears formed in your eyes once one of his hands fell to your exposed clit, and started to place tight circles around your bud making you tense up, your body starting to twitch as you tried to get a look at his face.

"Don't worry darling,, just a little more and I'll have you back to making dinner and we'll do it again alrighty?"

You couldn't even answer all that came out was a moaning mixture of a cry as you felt the tears falling out of your eyes, you started to beg, "Please- I don't think I cannn~ ahh~ its to much.. mm!!.. N-nnahh~~ no no.. more.. m'no aAh~!"

Evan grabbed you face before planting a sweet heavenly kiss on your lips and small pecks around the dimples of your face and the side of your mouth and chin and neck before whispering to you, "Your gonna be a good girl,, and take the rest of my cock.. okay darling..,, just a little more then ill give you a break, I promise bunny.. I promise."

You took his word and melt under his touch as he started to feel your about in the tight fitting lingerie you were gifted about your last birthday, you sink into him, gripping onto his hips once and again as you started to help him thrust into you as you thrust back against him.

The sound of your ass clapping back him and and both of your skin slapping against each other over and over, you moaning and him groaning.

He kissing under your ear before biting it and releasing a breathless chuckle in your ear before kissing your lips once again.

The hand that was still on your boobs fell against your body and traveled to your hips and gripped it roughly causing your to whimper under his touch before turning your head to the side and kissing his shoulder as he kissed your wanting both of each other to calm down and stay relax for both of y'alls pleasure.

Evan's hand moved to your lower stomach and pushed down on it drawing a whine from the both of you, "Should have done this before,, good I miss you so much."

You apologized in a whine, pouting, "m'sorry so sorry.. s'sorry ah~ I should've-mm~!!" Evan kissed the guiltiness out of you as you eyes filled up with tears again, you've been need for Evan but he'd been so busy and you needed him to focus on work to keep a house over both of your heads.

You felt him push down onto your stomach even more and your eyes welled up even more at the pleasure in your belly and threatening to burst.. you were so close to cumming you just needed a little push.

That little push was Evan, both of his hands move to your hips and gripped onto it using his ring-finger and middle to push down on your tummy adding more pressure to your body as you gotten all shaken up and legs started to shake and cunt twitch against his dick causing him to let out a loud groan in your ear,

Just as you clenched completely onto him, grip from your hands on his chess tighten and your head threw back against his shoulder, sight blurry as hell and you see the light from above shining on you and him, and your moan flew open and a loud moan calling out from it.

You came hard on his dick just as he kissing you shoulder and mumbled, "Such a good bunny girl.. my little angel.. done so good for me,, let me finish okay darling.."

You couldn't even answer, all of these pet names making you gust more over his dick, before him thrusting into you again causing you to twitch more and more and release more all over his member before he let out a moan and pulled out cumming all over your back, before scooping it with a nail and rubbing it against your slit and around your madly sensitive lil bud before kissing your now sweaty brown melanin skin, "Evan!"

You yelled at him, "Now I have to Bathe again!"

"That's fine angel, you'll just bathe with me.." he calms you down with small kisses upon your shoulders and up to the side of your neck and under your ear.

SORRY IT WAS POSTED LATE IVE BEEN BUSY.

ANY MISTAKES/MISSPELLS TELL ME.

[azrielsshadows42]

A Court of Scales and Fire IV

Eris Vanserra x Female oc

A/n: about half way through, I realised that I was describing the town house, not the house of wind, I don't know if this is just me, but I struggle to keep track of what is in which house, so if I mention something being in the house of wind that is supposed to be in the townhouse/lake house or vice versa, I'm sorry, but, just go with it.

Warnings: Swearing, nudity (but not sex and not in detail), mentions of injury, suggestive, snake venom? is that a trigger, idk

Word Count: 4.3k

Both = Mind speak

Bold = Ancient Language

Italics = Thoughts

Chapter 3 Character Moodboards

---Y/n's Pov---

We walked down the passageway, passing a few rooms, pictures hung on the wall. I appreciated the silence; it gave me space to think. My explanation of what that power surge could've been was believable, but to track these people down, I would need Everest. However, I'm not exactly sure how they will react to dragons not being entirely extinct, and I'm guessing if they're not a fan of that little tid bit, they'll like the fact that I've brought one to the Night Court even less.

It didn't take long before we stopped in front of a doorway, even from the smallest glimpse I could see the room was massive, it was open to the outside, the bed could comfortably fit three people and if I had to guess, I'd say the sheets were made of silk. A giant pool of a bathtub was carved into the ground, just like this entire place was carved from the mountain. The water was crystal clear, revealing a mural of the night sky on the tiled flooring, moonlight reflected on the surface, steam rising, yet the mirrors retained the rooms unobscured image.

I was so absorbed in the beauty of it all, I almost flinched when Mor spoke, not expecting the sound. "For the record, I believe you" I didn't really know what to say to that, thanking her would have just been awkward, so I chose to give her a small appreciative nod instead. Before I entered the room, she grabbed my arm firmly "Though I must warn you, if you are lying, if you turn out to be a threat to my family, to my court, then know you are fighting an uphill battle, and it won't end well for you" Well I don't love being threatened, I could respect it, I would and have done worse to protect my family, I'm not about to hold this against her.

"As someone who works in politics, I think you can understand that I might not be able to be fully truthful at all times, but I can promise you that I mean no harm, once my mission is complete, I'll return home, that's all I want" She regarded me for a few moments, eyes traveling up and down my armoured form. "Then we'll get along just fine" A genuine smile spread across her face, and I mirrored it, she seemed like someone I would want on my side, and her display of loyalty earlier just added to the list of reasons I liked her.

She turned to leave, her dress flaring out at the bottom with her movement, her hips swaying as she strutted away, but she stopped and angled her body to face me once again. "Oh, one more thing" I inclined my head to show I was listening. "Training is at six, on the roof if you're interested"

"Noted, hey, uh, goodnight, Mor, and, thanks for, you know... giving me a chance and not just, assuming I'm trying to plan some, invasion, or some shit, I don't know" Mor laughed, head tilting back slightly "Sure, no problem, good night"

"Night" I was then left to my own devices, my first instinct was to make sure there were no traps, but the exhaustion of everything finally hit. My muscles ached, eyelids heavy, I could feel the dirt and sweat that lingered on my skin, so the first thing I did was peel off my armour and clothes, then slipped into the water. I immediately felt soothed once submerged, heat seeping into my very bones, I had not been able to relax like this in a long time. Unfortunately, even with all the bath salts and scented candles in the world, there was always this nagging feeling that, it wasn't home, though I'm not sure that meant anything when home, didn't feel like home. It never had.

I reached out with my mind, feeling for that connection to Everest. Hey, Ev, you out there? There was a moment of quiet before I heard small wing beats getting nearer, the next second, Everest soared into view, looping in the air and diving straight into the water. She rose to the surface and paddled toward me, water sloshing around her tail and claws. She had shrunk herself down to about the size of a large barn owl for stealth and looked very pleased with herself, especially when she spread out her wings and just drifted on the surface. Enjoying yourself?

She lifted her leafy head to glare at me, her green orbs narrowing as she hissed her response. Hush, you are not the one who has been flying for hours on end, because your partner left to go play courtier. I winced at the reminder of how I'd had to leave Everest when coming here. I still think this is a bad idea, Y/n, we should just track them down and go, there is no need to drag this out. I reached for the soap and began scrubbing away at my skin. We'll be fine Everest, even if they can't help. Tell you what, if by the end of tomorrow, they haven't helped us get any closer than we are now, we'll leave, but there's no harm in staying the night.

Everest thinks about this, her tail lashing, showing her displeasure in the fact that I have a point. Alright, fine. She concedes We'll stay the night. She launches herself upwards, spinning vigorously to shake off all the water, droplets of it flying everywhere. This is a bath, not a shower. I told her scornfully. Well, I've made it a two in one, much more effective. My eyes rolled at her comment, but I got out of the water and prepared for bed while she curled up on one of the pillows.

There was sleep-wear in the closet, most of it black, which I suppose I should have expected, not that I had a problem with it, just an observation. Once I got into bed, I scanned the room again, after the initial awe, the effect dulls, at first it looked empty, spacious, but sitting inside of it now, it felt hollow, too much space for one person. It makes me think of my room back home, much smaller, one might even say cramped, but I would prefer cramped over hollow any day. I wonder how Ethari is doing, how preparing his peregryn girlfriend to meet me was going. Well, I wasn't sure if the new peregryn student was his girlfriend, it might be someone else It was definitely the peregryn female but I figured he'd be horrified if I not only knew he was dating someone, but who was the object of his affections as well, so I faked ignorance, for his sake. I closed my eyes and fell into a world of dreams.

---Elsewhere, Eris's Pov---

Everything hurt. My arms shook as I pushed myself up, the stale air clouding my lungs. My head was pounding, vision slightly blurred, I groaned as I forced myself to function, muscles screaming in protest. My neck was incredibly stiff, my back too, and my left leg wasn't fully awake yet, causing me to limp as I walked. I was still under the mountain, surrounded by darkness. I did not know how much time had passed since we cornered the witch. My hand reached up to the juncture between my neck and shoulder, gingerly caressing the sensitive skin. The bites of those snakes had healed, which meant there had been no faebane in their venom, though what on earth was in it to make me feel this way, I had no clue.

I just about managed to clear my head enough to winnow back home, I didn't make the full trip in one go, and I'm thankful for it to, because as soon as I landed, both legs buckled under my weight, and I collapsed onto my hands and knees. This is ridicules, I'm a High Lord, no one should be able to do this to me, much less some witch. I gritted my teeth and concentrated on winnowing directly to my chambers.

I was thrown onto my bedroom floor, panting, energy, both physical and magical, depleted. My head still felt like it was filled with fuzz, and I could barely keep my eyes open. A healer, I need a healer. I dragged myself up, breath shaky, I tried my very best to collect myself. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out. I opened my eyes, a new determination ignited within me, no one would see anything I didn't want them to, nobody would see that I am weak.

No one.

I opened the doors, head held high, expression cold as I walked confidently to the healing bay, no stumble in my step to be found. No weakness. It is just my luck that Madoc spots me, and decides for whatever reason, that it's a good idea to strike up a conversation. "My Lord, you have returned" He hadn't done anything wrong, but his voice still grated on my nerves, I was not in the mood to talk to anybody, about anything. "Clearly" My answer was clipped, a subtle sign that I wished to be left alone. He did not take the hint.

"What happened, did you find the cause?" My jaw tensed; I was still sour about how that female managed to best me. I decided it was the brute's fault, if he hadn't been in the way, I would have succeeded. "It is Night's problem now" He considered this for a moment, and I thought he might do the smart thing and leave, apparently, I was wrong. "That does not answer my question"

"Do not test my patience Madoc! The female is Night's problem, leave it at that" I increased my pace to get away from further questioning. I went into the healing bay, got what I needed and went back to the room as quickly as possible without losing poise. I stood before the doors of the high lord's chambers, where I was supposed to move into when I ascended the throne, but hadn't been able to make myself do so. The arch loomed over me, just as it had for centuries, even if he was dead, in my head, it was still my father's room. The memories of him still haunted both my resting and waking hours, this place was drowning in his lingering presence, even now, I could not escape him.

I sighed, and turned back, heading for my old room, where I continued to reside, it was the one thing I'd let be seen, the one sign that all this affected me as well as my people, no one had said anything about it, out of fear or understanding, I did not know, but I was grateful all the same. The doors swung open on silent hinges, and my footsteps echoed around me, being the first-born son had its perks, I supposed, I did receive the largest room.

But it was almost, too large. My father's chamber-... my chambers were bigger than this, how someone could comfortably live in such a space was lost on me. Despite it being filled with my belongings, despite the fact that these four walls had been my sanctuary for decades, held secrets, and memories that has changed this court, it still didn't feel like home. I had always thought it was because of Beron, that I would never truly feel safe, and therefore never truly feel at home as long as he lived but... he's gone. Yet everything was still so dull, a house, but not a home, I'm beginning to think it never will be.

I washed off the dirt and grime I'd collected from being underground, changing into nothing but a pair of boxers. Anything more was too hot. My eyes closed, and I fell into a fitful sleep, as my dreams of an indiscernible winged female returned for the third night in a row.

---The Next Morning--- ---Cassian's Pov---

I was awoken by light streaming in through the curtains, Nesta was beside me, sleeping peacefully, face relaxed. Cauldrons she's so beautiful, I just want to wrap her up in my wings all morning with my cock buried in-

No, no no no no, not getting hard before training

I force myself out of bed, trying to be as quiet and unobstructive as possible, though neither of those have ever really been my strong suit, and with Nesta being such a light sleeper, waking her up was inevitable. She glared at me over her shoulder with those steely blue eyes that I loved. I smiled apologetically at her while shrugging, she just huffed, muttering 'Illyrian brute' and went back to sleep.

"You have to wake up for training soon too, Nes" She grumbled, pulled the covers over her messy hair, ignoring me. Two could play at this game. I couldn't help the shit eating grin that climbed onto my face, as I grabbed the covers gently, then in one swift movement, yanked the entire duvet right off the bed. Nesta yelped, wide awake now, and gave me the middle finger. I walked closer, crawling onto the bed and then took her wrist in my hand. I kissed her finger, saying "Love you too" then got off, so I could change into my leathers.

I walked into the dining room, pausing as I saw Mor already there, Azriel was sitting at the table as well, but that was normal. Mor being here, especially this early, was unheard of. "What are you doing here?"

"Good morning to you to, Cassian, yeah, I'm doing good, thanks so much for asking" The fake enthusiasm in her voice was thick, and I chuckled a bit at her dramatics. "I'm so sorry, how very rude of me" my sarcasm matching hers.

"Much better, now to answer your question, I'm here to check on Y/n, I invited her to join training" Despite the cool demeaner she held, I could see the slight anxiousness in her body language, it seems that Mor is just as interested in Y/n as I am.

"I haven't seen her this morning; she could still be sleeping" Mor was already shaking her head before I finished my sentence. "She's not, I checked her room" Maybe I was mistaken in reading Mor as anxious, maybe she was worried, worried because we didn't know Y/n very well, even though we both felt like we could trust her, she could still be lying.

"I'm sure everything's fine" it was at that moment that Nesta decided to enter the room, she strutted past me and sat down, breakfast appearing in front of her. I knew she wasn't trying to distract me but damn, her ass looked good in those leathers. I sat down beside her, eating the large breakfast the house provided. Once we had all finished, we started making our way to the training grounds, we were early, so I didn't expect anyone to be there, but as we got closer, I could hear movement.

We all stopped looking to one another, then simultaneously looked to Az for answers. Some shadows dispatched from his shoulders, slithering across the floor towards the noise. "Looks like our guest has beat us there" and he walks forward, going past us without saying anything else.

We all followed after, seeing that Y/n had indeed beat us there, and from the looks of it, she'd been here for a while. She was breathing slightly more heavy than normal, not quiet panting, but you could tell that she'd been exerting herself, her hair, now neatly braided back, though not in the up do it had been in when he'd first met her, had a few fly-aways. Y/n's armour, though clearly dulled from years of use, still had a certain shine to it, while her twin blades gleamed in the sunlight, sharpened to perfection.

She was busy fighting an imaginary assailant, she was light on her feet, her blades cut through the air silently, and though she wasn't actually fighting anyone, I could tell that her strikes were aimed at places to injure and immobilise, but not kill. It was obvious that Y/n was highly skilled, though I had known that ever since she was able to hold off against me Under the mountain.

It was only after she had performed a particularly tricky move; an aerial round-house kick, which required her to rotate her body enough to put us in her peripheral vision, that she finally noticed we were spectating. Y/n turned to face us fully and smiled. "Good morning, hope you don't mind I started without you, I woke up early and couldn't fall asleep again"

"No worries" Mor said casually "Just so you know, the others will be arriving soonish" Y/n looked at her puzzled "Others?"

It was Nesta who answered her, explaining how this was where other females, known as the Valkyries, trained. Y/n just nodded in understanding, "So, is there anything specific you guys do, or do you just do your own thing together?"

"Usually, Az and I lead the training, but well we're waiting for them, I'd like to see more of what you can do." I walked over to her, hoping it didn't seem like I was doing this to see if I could take her down if she did turn on us. I was just genuinely curious, and I really wanted to know if there was a practical aspect to how the blades were designed, or if it was just meant to be pretty, because with the way the metal overlapped, I was certain there had to be a moving part somewhere.

"Sure, why not? Lead the way" All of a sudden, Rhys appeared above the wards and glided down to the ring we had just entered, sand blowing up with the wind created from his wing beats. "I hope you don't mind if I watch?" He said it with his gaze on me, but I didn't miss how they quickly flickered to Y/n. He doesn't trust her. Which was understandable, given the circumstances, but it bothered me that he felt he had to come in person, as if we can't handle ourselves.

I didn't comment on it though, just turned to Y/n, silently asking her with my eyes if she was fine with it. She made a motion to signal she didn't mind, so we both unsheathed our weapons, got into fighting stances, and let the battle commence.

---After Sparring--- (I'm too lazy to actually write it, sorry)

Both of us were panting heavily, perspiration covered our faces and saturated our clothes as we sat down and drank some water. We were pretty evenly matched, she didn't have as much fighting skill as me, but she was faster, lighter on her feet, and with her smaller frame, it was easier to manoeuvre in tight spaces, which led to a long sparring session that we had to call a tie because people were arriving, and I needed to teach.

I got up to start with the lessons but couldn't help asking if Y/n was going to join. She looked to be considering it for a second or two but then responded with "I think I'm alright, I've already been training for about 3 hours, so I'm done for now, I'll just watch"

"3 hours already? You weren't kidding when you said you got up early" her lips tugged up into a smile, but it looked more like a grimace than anything else. "Yeah, I struggle to sleep in new places, which, considering what I do for a living, really sucks, but it is what it is, I guess" I gave her a half-smile, in reassurance, understanding, or both, I wasn't sure, any worked.

----

Sometime during one of the water breaks, Y/n was introduced to Gwyn and Emerie. Nesta seemed to keep her distance, but she wasn't outright hostile, and when it comes to Nesta, that's all you can really ask for. Y/n rejoined the training rings a little further into the lesson, and she participated in the mind stilling, though I could tell she was not really getting it, but she'll have time to get the hang of it.

Rhysand had left a little after training started leaving Y/n to just sit and watch peacefully as she'd said she would. Mor to, had left, but she had gone during the sparring session they shared that morning for some emissary work, though not without a quick 'Kick his ass for me' left her lips.

I sat next to her on one of the benches while the Valkyries-in-training filtered out, talking animatedly amongst each other. She seemed to be in deep thought, staring aimlessly North, toward Mount Ramiel. "And what are you thinking so deeply about?" She flinched slightly, clearly not expecting my voice. "Nothing, I... nothing"

This piqued my curiosity more than anything. "No, tell me, what's going on inside your head right now" She sighed heavily, and swallowed. "You're Illyrian" she started.

"Yeah? What about it?" Her hands ran along the length of her thighs as she breathed in, steeling herself. I wasn't sure what she could possibly want to ask that would make her act like this. "It's just that, to become a tracker, obviously there is physical training you need to do, both before and during, but that's only half of it. We also have to know the geographic configurations of all the continents, as well as what type of fae live there, a bit about their customs, what they find valuable in case you ever need to blend in or barter for information."

I waited patiently to see where she was going with this, nodding along to what she was explaining. "Studying the Night Court was particularly difficult because not a lot of information is known by outsiders and our tomes aren't exactly up to date, but even with those factors, we'd still learned of Illyrians; warrior people with giant bat-like wings who live in snowy mountains."

"Yeah, that's about right" Y/n opened and closed her mouth a couple times, as if wondering if she should continue with this train of thought. "Well, that's just it, that is all we know of Illyrians for sure, and it's always bothered me. If it's not over-stepping, I'd like you to tell me more about Illyrians"

My face lit up, despite everything that had been done to me because of them, their aversion to change and their firm set ways about bloodlines, I still loved the Illyrian people. Az never understood it, and Rhys was passive, but if Y/n wanted to learn about Illyrians, I was going to teach her in the best possible way I could.

"I can do you one better" The smile on my face was surely unusually big, and I could feel my wings flare out slightly. Y/n's face now held a hint of hesitation, but the curiosity was still there, and she motioned for me to continue.

"I can take you to Illyria" She blinked at me. For a moment she was quiet, I felt my heart sink. Maybe she's not that interested. Her lips tugged up on one side, her multi-coloured eyes shone brighter as she sat up a bit more to see if I was kidding. "Seriously? I thought they didn't let outsiders in."

"They typically don't, but it helps to be the general in these types of situations, I took Nesta there a few times too." A look of surprise crossed her face. "Though I must warn you, females... well, they aren't treated with the respect they deserve up there, so, don't be surprised if they're a little huffy around you" Y/n nodded in understanding. "Did all three of you attend Illyrian training? You, Rhysand and Azriel?"

I smiled, memories of back then presenting themselves, our time in the Illyrian steppes were by no means pleasant, but we had some good adventures. "It's where we met" her brow furrowed, "Even Rhysand, he's only half-illyrian, isn't he?"

"He is, but so is Azriel" Her eyes widened so much it was comical "Really? Could've fooled me." I roared with laughter, my shoulders shaking with the sound "I'll tell him you said that, he'll be highly displeased, he might even brood in your direction" Y/n chuckled "What does that mean?" I'm about to explain when Rhysand's claws scrape down my mental shields Eris is here My mood instantly sours and my jaw tenses.

"What's wrong?" She looks concerned, but also ready to fight, hands hovering over the hilts of her katanas. "Eris is in the House of Wind"

"Who?" I glance at her, trying to keep the irritation out of my voice, it's not her I have a problem with, after all. "Remember back under the mountain, there was another male with me, the one who attacked before we could even attempt communication?"

"You mean fire newt?" I think I short-circuited for a moment out of shock when she called him that. The absurdity of the name pausing my annoyance at his presence while I processed it. "I am so going to call him that"

"Focus. I thought you said he's not your friend"

"He's not" I immediately replied with, saying it so fast I almost interrupted her. "If you're not friends, then why is he here?" I sighed deeply; this shit was not exactly my forte "He is the High Lord of Autumn, we made a deal with him a little while ago, and now we have an alliance" That was explained terribly, but it will have to do.

"What does he want now?" My eyes shot toward where the 'discussion' would surely be taking place, as if I could see through the walls, right to where Eris was standing and glare at him to make sure he didn't try anything stupid.

"No idea"

Chapter 5

Tag List: @imma-too-many-fandoms , @rcarbo1

Comment to be added to the taglist

[toaster-hair]

There’s a Human in the Neighborhood! (chapter 5)

(important authors note: Hi nyall :3! Sorry i havent written in so long, ive been more hyperfixated on other things like across the spiderverse and lolita fashion, and i’ve also been working on other projects. I have a skullgirls au tumblr blog, my original comic raw!fruit, im redrawing the welcome homes cast’s portraits with my own headcanons added, as well as general oc content. But with welcome homes new update, it motivated me to write again. I feel as though when welcome home is finally finished up, ill rewrite this entire fic to make much more sense. Anyways, heres a content warning. As said before, this fic focuses on how gross human anatomy can confuse wholesome puppets. Its a bit hard to write about gross anatomy stuff without veering into nsfw territory, so suggestions would be appreciated. But this chapter in particular is about periods! The fic is written about a gender neutral AFAB reader, so if youre amab or if periods are just off the table for you, feel free to skip!)

A painful stab at your stomach woke you up from your slumber. “Ough..” your sudden movement spooked your cat. You held your torso in pain, feeling a sharpness in your pants. It was still dark, with the only light being the sun coming through your blinds. You stood up, making your way to the bathroom and….

Blood. Lots and lots of blood stained your undergarments. That explained the sudden pain you were feeling, it was just that time of the month! You went back to your bedroom to make sure you didn’t bleed the bed, grabbed some clean clothes, and turned the shower on. You also grabbed some pads out of the cabinet under the sink. You brought them from your old house but you should probably buy some more later.

You stepped into your shower and let the warm water soak your body head to toe, flourishing yourself with all kinds of soap. Once you were finally cleaned up, you stepped out and dried yourself. You put on your clean clothes, grabbed some pain killers, and went back to bed.

-

You woke up once again a few hours later. You got up, did your morning routine, had breakfast, fed your cat, and picked up the phone. You decided you would call in sick because of the pain and nausea. God, why does the first day have to be the most painful? You dialed the number for FishEgg Boba and waited for an answer.

“Helloo? This is FishEgg Bobaaa. How may I help youuu?” You heard Casper answer the phone.

“Hey Casper, It’s Y/N. Uhh.. I know it’s only my second day but I’m calling in sick. I’ve got… cramps real bad. I don’t wanna move that much. Is that okay?” 

“Oooh. Sure that’s fiiine. Just make sure to come in tomorroww. See you thenn. Hope you feel better sooon.” And with that, he ended the call. You felt kind of bad. It was only your second day, and you were taking a break already. You were probably missing out on some training too! But at the same time, everyone made it seem like yesterday you were working too hard when you weren’t even on your period! You can’t imagine what it’ll be like to work like that while on your period. 

You then remembered your plan to get more pads. You were good for now, but it was always a good idea to stock up. You put on some outdoor clothes consisting of some basic gym sweats and a baggy jacket. You gave your kitty a goodbye kiss on the forehead and headed out the door. Gee, this was the second time in a row that you went to Howdy’s. 

Wait… Oh yeah they’re puppets. I forgot. I mean you forgot that they were puppets. Of course they won’t have pads. You went back inside and grabbed some money, looks like you were heading out of town after all. As you headed back out again, you spotted Wally walking out of his house as well. You walked over to him, sense you promised you would chat in the morning last night.

“Hey Wally! You wanted to talk more this morning, right?” you stared down at him. 

“Oh! Yes! I wanted to know about how it went. Ah, but shouldn’t you be at work right now?” he asked.

“Oh, uh.. Yeah, the thing is that I’m uh, not feeling very well. So I’m taking the day off. I’m going back tomorrow though.”

“Ah, I see. You aren’t sick again, are you? Do you want me to go get Poppy?” He held at your knees like a dog jumping on its owner. 

“No, no. Not sick, it's just.. I may gross you out at the explanation?” You gestured with your hands “Is that okay?” You asked. He stared at you with a blank expression but nodded his head.

“Okay so basically uh.. When a human with a womb starts puberty.. Uh, and a womb is used for baby making purposes by the by, their womb starts to shed for a couple of days straight each month. That’s because the womb wants to make a baby but doesn’t have the ingredients to make one, causing the womb to pump out blood. This can cause pain, nausea, all that nasty stuff. That’s just a basic explanation, anyways.” He kind of just. Stared at you with half lidded eyes the entire time. “Uh, I don’t need to explain what blood is right?”

“Oh no, we have that too.”

…

What. 

“W-wait, if you’re bleeding.. Then.. did you just start puberty??” There was this look of anxiety on his face, which felt so odd and out of character.

“No, no, you still bleed even after puberty. Well, that is until you hit your 60’s or something. It’s not gonna go away for a while.. Haha, if I was still that young, I wouldn’t even be here!” You laughed at him a bit. He let out a sigh of relief. 

“Sorry.. I don’t know much about how human bodies work…” He looked away out of embarrassment.

“Oh, I can show you.” You reassured him. “Ah- What??” He stared at you slightly horrified, slightly considering your offer.

“Yeah dude, there’s a ton of books about human anatomy. Going from the bone to the skin. I can order you one online! If you want, of course.” You pulled out your phone and showed him various different anatomy books.

“Oh… No thanks, I'm fine.” He turned down your offer in a slightly disappointed tone.

“That’s fine. I need to go out of town for a bit to go get something, see you later!” You waved goodbye as you started to walk to the train station. You then suddenly felt a sharp pain in your stomach, but you kept on walking.

You couldn’t see him, but you knew he was waving goodbye right back at you.

(A/N: i wrote this in one night i hope you enjoy!! Ill try to include sally and julie in the next chapter :3333)

[jjtheclown555]

TW: substance abuse and overdose, please don't read if this may be triggering.

You Promised

Waking up in a hospital bed surrounded by sterile white walls and the sound of your IV dripping is never fun. Especially when your memories of what happened are so faint. Every inch of your body is burning and you aren’t sure if you’ve ever felt this sick. You just want to sleep, but the urge to vomit is too strong. So, you find yourself leaning over the side of the bed, pushing out the water in your system, a harsh reminder that you haven’t eaten properly in a while.

The splatter of water and bile is stained on the floors, and you pull any remaining energy to lie back again. The door creaks and you expect a nurse, certainly not your boyfriend, whose manic smile had been replaced with tear stains and quivering lips. You mumble something nonsensical at him and motion your hand towards yourself. Goo pulls the chair in the corner of the room to your bed with ease, sitting himself next to you.

“You promised that you were clean. You promised you’d tell me if you were going to use again.” He says, head resting on your bed. He tilts his head up to look at you. “You pinky promised that you were better.” He bites his tongue and grips your hand. Goo doesn’t look disappointed. There’s something, the tiniest tinge, of expectancy. You knew he knew you’d use. You know he knows that relapse is a part of recovery. But you know he didn’t know it’d get this far.

“I’m sorry.” The only words you can get out only moments before he’s holding any stray hairs back while more is pushed from your system. That’s all that was in there now. Water, stomach acid, and whatever pills, powders, crystals, and herbs you could get your hands on. “I’m sorry,” you mumble again and feel him climb into the bed beside you and pull you back.

No matter how comforting his actions are, they aren’t for you. They aren’t to make you feel better about using or overdosing. They’re for him. A reminder that you’re still here. A reminder that he still has you. Keeping you close to keep you safe. “Y’know, it’s funny,” he starts and you know whatever it is, it’ll only make things worse, “I’ve been trying to protect you from my enemies, but all along I should have been protecting you from yourself.” You feel tears begin to stream down your cheeks. “Princess.” You cry silently, the pet name has never felt bitter like now and it hurts. It hurts almost as much as the aching in your joints. “You are so lucky I got home early. If I was even caught in a bit of traffic, you could very well be dead right now.”

Goo runs his fingers through your hair. His words hurt so much more than insults. He wasn’t a parent concerned about their reputation or a friend that doesn’t understand your addiction and claims selfishness. He knows, and he’s scared, and he’s hurt. The fact he understands and isn’t screaming and insulting you. The fact he’s aware that you could have very well died last night. The fact he loves you enough to sit in almost silence rather than berating you. The fact that even now, he still holds you and gently calms you. It hurts when someone loves you enough to care. It means you never go to rock bottom alone, they’ll always be dragged down with you.

The blonde flips you to pull you into his chest. “The old man is really upset with me, y’know.” You smile a little and ask why. “Because I told him I couldn't come into work because someone I loved was hospitalized. But, I wouldn’t tell him who or why out of respect for you and your privacy.” He says and you nuzzle closer, asking why he’d be mad over that and all Goo can say is that he probably assumed that he was lying.

It was nice to talk to him but you knew it was forced. You knew what he wanted to ask, so you answered without question. “It was a lot of things.” You say. “What I took, I mean.” The way he looks at you tells you that’s not enough. “It was a rough day so I finished my stash. Xannies, Molly, weed.” You hesitate. “Coke and…” You try not to cry, the guilt pushes through your throat. “And I drank a lot, whatever we had in the house. I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to be happy again.” Tears are pulled from your eyes, you can’t quiet your sobs any longer. It’s all slurs of apologies, you can barely speak or function.

Goo doesn’t do much more than hold you. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say. All he can do is hold you close and pray you don’t throw up again. He doesn’t like seeing you like this, it hurts him almost as much as it hurts you. So, he makes you promise one more time. He holds out his pinky, and asks that if you want to relapse that you’ll talk to him first, that if it doesn’t help, you wait until he’s with you so you don’t hurt yourself. That you don’t let it come this far again. You slow your tears, wiping them away and entwining your pinkie with his.

“I promise.”

[doasyoudesireandlive]

Min skatt

Pairing: Thor Odinson x reader (AU setting)

Summary: Your first meeting with Thor.

Warnings: intoxication, fluff, kissing, Amanda is a bad friend, possessiveness,pet names, kinda meet-cute?

A/N: This is my first time writing for Thor. Ive wanted to try it for a while. Hope I did it justice. Thank you @late-to-the-party-81 and @jobean12-blog for your forever support ❤ As always its lazily proof read by me, and English is not my first language. Happy reading!

header by me. dividers by @saradika

"Come on Y/N!" Your friend Amanda grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the door. You were going to a party. Your first party here since you moved to town.

Amanda just walked right in, and soon you were seated in a chabby couch, talking to a guy named Bucky. 

"So you see, thats why cats are so much smarter than dogs" Bucky gestured wildly with his hands. You looked at him with confusion. 

"Ah, I see… so… are you from here?" you asked him politely, not wanting to fall into the "cats vs dogs" trap he laid out for you. 

Bucky shot you a charming smile. "Born and raised, baby. But not you. I havent seen you around and you are too pretty to go unnoticed." He winked at you. 

Snorting out a laugh, you tell him that you needed a change of scenery, and after inheriting a house from your great aunt you ended up here. 

Bucky was just about to say something when someone climbed into his lap. The "someone" was a tall, muscular 'american sweetheart' kinda guy. 

"Where did you go?" The American sweetheart's voice is thick and sweet as he rubs the tip of his nose against Buckys.

"Ive been sitting here all along, punk. You're the one who walked away." The teasing tone of Buckys voice make a shiver run down your spine. You cant seem to tear your eyes from him and the golden boy. Then they start to make out and you just sit there, staring at them like a creep. 

Bucky break the kiss and turn to you. "Y/N, this is my Steve." His eyes glisten with amusement. You manage to extend your hand for Steve to shake, and he does so while smirking. "I like this one, Buck." 

"Y/N!" Amandas voice breaks through the sounds of the party. 

You turn around to find her standing by the door, heavily making out with a man with longish black hair. 

Clearing your throat you say "you called?" 

Amanda turns around sporting a dopey grin. "There you are, you silly goose. Im going now… so, you have to hitch a ride home on your own.toodles!"

The black haired man just measure you up and down before grinning. "Nice to meet you, beautiful. Until next time" 

Amanda and the mystery man is soon out the door, leaving you there alone. Or not alone, alone. You just dont know a lot of people yet. Huffing, you go to find tequila. 

"So, yeah. Thats my story. You are insanely beautiful by the way. I mean wow. Just wow." You had definitely found tequila, and taken a few shots. 

The redhead you were talking to, Natasha, smiled sweetly at you. "Thank you. You are way too sweet, pretty girl" The last two words said so sweetly that you could taste them on your tongue.She reached up and cupped your face before giving you a kiss - right on the lips. It was short and sweet, but it made you feel all gooey inside. 

"See ya" Natasha walked away, leaving you there alone, with your heart thumping in your chest. 

"Well, well. Who are you?" A dark, melodic voice sounded from behind you. You turned around and looked at the god of a man. 

Tall, muscular, broad shoulders, narrow waist and big hands. A beautiful face with a sculpted jaw, high cheekbones and dark blonde scruff. His eyes were something different. Icy blue as a glacier in sunshine, with specs of greenish blue like the shallow waters of the ocean. His smile made his eyes sparkle.

"um, hi. I mean, I'm Y/N" You blushed, feeling like you had made a fool out of yourself. Your pulse was rushing in your ears and it felt like you had just turned sober,from the embarrassment.Still you extended your hand for him to shake. 

He seemed amused. "Im Thor. Why don't I know you? You are stunning" He took your hand in his,holding it like you were a princess. 

You looked at him in awe. "Me? how about you? Don't you own a mirror, Mr. Price Charming?" Your response seemed to surprise him, confusion showing on his face. You were afraid that you had fucked up, but suddenly his face split into a smile and a hearty laughter filled your ears. 

"You are snappy! I like it!" You laughed to, realief washing over you. 

"so, Skatt, you wanna come play beer pong?" You simply nod and Thor pulls you along outside to play.

Beer pong was so fun, and when paired up with Thor, you won every round. The outside air turned moist and cold, so you all migrated indoors. It was getting late (or early) so it was only the "core" left. Bucky, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Wanda,Clint, Tony, Bruce, Thor and you. You are seated in the living room, most of you on the verge of sleep. You sat with Thor.

Suddenly you remembered Amanda. "Wow… she really just left me here" you mutter to yourself. The feeling of betrayal sneaks its way in.  

"What was that, Skatt?" Thor's voice is soft and sweet like honey. You turn to look at him,and let out a gasp as you realize that you are so close that you can feel his breath on your face. Staring into his eyes, you feel excitement and lust stirring in your belly. 

"um, well, yeah. I don't know if you remember but I came here with my 'friend' Amanda" Thor hums and wraps his arm over your shoulders and pulls you close. 

"And why is that important, Skatt?" You look at him, squinting your eyes. 

"you know what? It's not important at all." You lean into his embrace and you sit there in comfortable silence for a few minutes. The bad feeling just melts away, like an icecream in sunny weather.

Your voice cut through the silence.

"Thor? You keep calling me 'Skatt'... What does it mean?"

Thor cups your face and leans in. His nose brushes yours and his breath fan over your lips, he's so close - you can almost taste him.

"It means treasure or precious" he whispers before kissing you. 

The kiss is sweet, but quickly turns filthy and lustful. You break the kiss, but stays in Thors embrace.

Thor pulls you into his lap, so you're straddling him. He pulls you closer, making you gasp as you can feel his arousal against your clothed core. 

Possessiveness glisten in his eyes. He whispers in your ear, words that would change your life forever.

"Min Skatt. My treasure. My precious."

taglist: @late-to-the-party-81 @animnerd

[usedpidemo]

so i went to my first ever concert and...(storytime!)

Generally speaking, I don't like the concept of concerts. For the longest time, I've never had any interest in attending one. I've been disillusioned by the idea of them as a whole, with no disrespect to people who attend them. Even before the global pandemic that shut down live events, ironically, despite being on my headphones/speakers 90% of the time, I don't like crowds and extremely loud audiences. It also doesn't help that many live artists nowadays are just not good stage performers or lipsync or in some cases, aren't as pleasing to hear as the studio mix that I could easily play on Spotify. My mantra, which has always been my mother's as well, was "Just listen to the CD." This also explains why I don't really buy CDs anymore and stick to streaming instead.

It's now 2023, and as the old adage goes, things change. I've become a K-pop fan, live events are back, and there's this push to have me leave my house a lot more than I should. I'm no recluse like Bruce Wayne, but I certainly don't like going out when I could be relaxing and playing video games in my spare time even as an adult. Growing up made me realize that there's plenty of things that I should do, even at least once. I'm nowhere close to dying—I think so at least—but I definitely felt the need add some spice into my life and have some fresh memories to keep now that the pandemic's over.

Anyway—I've never been to a concert, and my older sister's only concert experience was seeing Fall Out Boy when she was in her teens that she desperately begged mom to see, and she was all the way up into the nosebleeds. Now obviously I can't go and see IZ*ONE anymore (sadblob) and every big act carries extremely large demand for them. My sister failed to secure Blackpink tickets for their tour even with the membership presale, and the experience was so frustrating and damning that she stopped listening to the group for a while. There's so many things that can go wrong even as early as ticket sales, so I understood that any concert I wanted to go to should be absolutely worth it.

It was during our vacation back in February when IVE announced that they would be bringing their fan concert around Asia, with June as the set date. I can remember seeing it trend on Twitter while waiting in the car; the hype was fucking real. I knew I had to be there by any means necessary. The campaign began as soon as we got back to our hotel. They said yes.

One thing I want to say is: fuck online ticketing. It sucks, big time. Anything that can go wrong, can and will go wrong. Yet some part of me was so uncertain and wanted to test the murky waters again. I got in touch with a third party way before they announced the ticket selling date, and I was so fixated on the success rate of the seller, against the advice of my family. It wasn't until two days before ticket selling that I was given a proper talk, saying that it could be a potential scam and that I should camp out the night before to get the best chances. Ultimately, I gave in and settled at a hotel close to a hotel without many fans. They ended up being right. I ended up first in line and got the best package for a little over $200. It was so difficult to keep my composure the moment I got the tickets all the way till I got home.

Fast forward to a little over a month. The family also booked me a nice hotel close to the venue days before the show so we wouldn't have to face insufferable traffic. I couldn't sleep the night before the show—not because I was excited and all, but I was genuinely feeling restless. It ultimately didn't matter as my mood and overall energy never diminished once I woke up 2.5 hours after finally sleeping.

You just know it's gonna be a good day when the first sign is making new friends out of nowhere. At breakfast, I befriended two Japanese tourists for some reason. My smile was wider than it normally was. It's so weird greeting people with amped up optimism that at times, it felt like main character energy, which was typically uncharacteristic of me. Mind you, I only had 2.5 hours of sleep.

An hour later, venue time—at least close to it. The concert organizers and local fanclubs held a fanhub that was already filling up the floor with a line that stretched around in a loop. So I bailed and went to the cafe across the street from where the actual concert would happen to get free shit. Saved myself almost $25 dollars from buying the I'VE IVE album because of a cupsleeve event being organized by a remnant of WIZ*ONEs. A big W if you ask me.

I even met up with some of my readers too! Cray and Nomad, if you're reading this, it was great finally meeting you. It was awesome to fanboy and connect with guys I've been talking to online for the past two years in person.

Afterward, we went inside an hour before show start, and people were already screaming like they showed up and it was just staff bringing out towels and water bottles. Then the lights went out and holy shit, everyone lost their shit. It wasn't a sold-out show but the audience's energy made it feel otherwise. They were singing instead of following fan-chants.

It should surprise no one that everyone killed it. Yujin is the 4th gen ace and no one can tell me any different. Wonyoung was absolutely fantastic in crowd control and drawing the audience in and lived up to the center title. They added both title tracks from I'VE IVE and changed up two of the cover songs for the unit stages, otherwise the set remains mostly similar to the ones in Korea and Japan, the only difference being new outfits and alternate color ones.

I'm gonna dedicate this section specifically for Liz. Consider me bias wrecked. She was not only an elite vocalist but she performed like the rent was due, holy shit. Blue Blood (my favorite stage of the night) in particular really gripped me and never let go. I was genuinely shook at how terrific she showed out in the performances. If anything, she's the 2nd best performer of the group after watching the footage.

There was an emotional moment at the end as the show was winding down. The members were lined up for the group photo when a fan video played and half of the members cried. Leeseo, Rei, and Yujin all cried and it was a wholesome scene. Rei mentioned how this was one of their first performances as a full group following her health hiatus and she was moved by the overwhelming support of the fans. Wonyoung also promised they would return—hopefully later than sooner I'm not loaded at the moment—which invalidates the stupid argument international Dives were having on Twitter. The girls felt their support, cried their heart out, and that's all you need to know.

After the event, there was a hi-bye session for all VIP ticket holders. They sent everyone else out, so it started 20 minutes after the actual ending. They kept reminding us that we weren't allowed to record or take photos of the event, but apparently someone at Starship was filming the whole thing? So there's a possibility that I might end up on YouTube, heh. Since we were on the left side of the stage, we were among the last to go up and meet them.

Holy fuck dude. I wasn't nervous while watching everyone else go up and meet IVE, but once the staff told us to form a single line and we slowly made our way around the stage, my heart began to go buckwild. You just don't know what to say or do when that moment comes—like how do I make this memorable or at the very least, not cringe? One thing I do know was that we all agreed, as a section, to walk past them as slow as humanly possible; five seconds was not enough. I was so unsure of what to do as I slowly walked up the steps to the point I was practically mouthing 'Jesus take the wheel' or else I'd melt into a puddle, lose my shit, do something stupid, or maybe all of the above.

Jesus Christ. They looked so fucking flawless. You honestly couldn't tell they were sweaty and exhausted after performing for 2.5 hours.

From left to right, it was Rei, Gaeul, Wonyoung, Yujin, Leeseo, and Liz. Liz was the first member I met, and she completed my half-heart gesture. From there, my brain blanked for a good three seconds. My mouth was still uttering 'Kamsahamnida' but that scene seemed to stick long past that moment. I couldn't register Leeseo, Yujin, and Wonyoung's reactions—I knew they were smiling and waving—but then my brain suddenly went back up as I met Gaeul and Rei's eyes right as we made our way out. I went to the bathroom and uttered a relieved, awestruck 'Holy shit.'

God. I don't know if I will ever move on from such an experience. I'm still thinking about the interaction as I write this little thought diary, and my mind keeps replaying the interactions with Liz, Gaeul, and Rei. All of them had lovely smiles and were so happy even though they clearly were gassed out, and I was in utter shock trying to comprehend what had happened. Famous streamer IShowSpeed met his hero Ronaldo the same day as the concert and if you've seen his video, he practically plays out all the emotions I wanted to feel after meeting them. I've not played any K-pop after the concert aside from English versions of songs and most certainly I've avoided IVE songs aside from rewatching my concert fancams because I'll just melt into a giddy pile of goo watching it, telling myself 'I was there.'

My sister only listens to Blackpink. She agreed to take me to the venue provided I buy her tickets, so this was a consolation or redemption of sorts after failing to secure tickets for the Born Pink tour. She's a Dive now. She couldn't stop raving over Wonyoung's beauty but she eventually found all the members to be cute and beautiful. It feels great to finally share a sweet moment with my sister despite the turbulent relationship we have.

In an ideal world, I'll be watching Le sserafim and the other IZ*ONE members when they perform/arrive here. Of course, there's many obstacles in the way, and I'm not loaded with disposable income. Seriously, these tickets were more expensive than a veteran group and they're supposed to be rookies! But the entire experience—the energy, the performances, and the ending—made every coin I spent worth it. If this ends up becoming the only concert I attend in my entire life moving forward, I'm glad it was an unforgettable one.

Gaeul, Yujin, Rei, Wonyoung, Liz, and Leeseo, thank you for making my year and giving me a core memory I can fondly look back on. I fucking love you guys.

[intheholler]

hi love! i just wanted to say im sooo happy i found ur blog :') im west african, but my mom is from SE KY. even tho i grew up staying there 2-3 months out of the yr, ive always felt out of place as a biracial african muslim. seeing progressive ppl like u gives me hope that one day i can feel at home in the mountains. in my country, we say ku sóóbu tooy (who gets in water will get wet) meaning u have to try to succeed. dont be upset abt being drowned out by fascists, ur hard work will pay off <3

these mountains belong to you more than they ever did to the backwards people who make you feel unwelcomed in them. we're well on our way to reminding them of that. i can't wait for the day you can walk through the hollers and feel it for yourself <3 i really hope it's soon. so much love to you

as an aside, thanks for the encouragement bc that actually felt really inspiring.

i was thinking the other day that someone as introverted and non-confrontational as me has absolutely zero business running this blog where i have to be so defensive and proactive and loud. it's really hard at times. but i am so passionate about appalachia that i push myself outside of my comfort zone for it anyway. when it gets stressful im gonna remember this ask. thank you again <333