#i mean its not like holic would do this anyway they never do it for yuuko and we know when watanuki got turned

[floorpancakes]

idk how to put this but in a world where anime with characters who are physically time frozen tend to be like visibly child looking or like given a specific 'visual age' when we really don't need one for the understanding of the character I fuck with adult watanuki looking considerably different even if it's partly due to the trauma and career change and emulating his mother figure. like i like that he very clearly has a different design that's visibly adult and it encompasses ways he's shrunk back into himself and ways he's grown up

[hanniiesuckle17]

Chapter 7: The Library

A/n: so this chapter has been long-awaited by some and i hope you guys enjoy it! the series will really start moving after this so i would love to hear what you guys think of the chapter! Sorry about any typos- i didn't have time to edit this with all my schoolwork this week! Tag List is Open <3

Tag List: @woodiegochile @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @jeonqqin @geminirules @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @kodzu-ken @konenichi @yangs-jeongin @binniebutter @orangegyu @little-precious-baby @raethethey @sofie296 @hongjoong-a-holic

RBTL Tag List: @bluejayboys @wonderlandless @introverted-stay24  @sunfics​ @deputyjuyeon​  @studioreader​

Warnings: Cursing

WC: 2.9k

Summary: True love has never come easy; life makes sure of that. From unrequited love to missed timing, does anyone have any hope at finding success- let alone pass History at the same time? All these questions leave young people wondering….will they still love me in the morning?

❖

Third POV

Y/n’s eyes grew tired as words about some minuscule event in history floated off the page of her textbook. She closed her eyes, stretching her neck-the bones cracking softly as her stiff neck rolled back. The odd silence drew her attention. Curious, she took the headphones from her ears and listened. All she could hear was the sound of raindrops falling against the large windows of the library.

It became quickly clear to the girl that she was alone and the only light in the room was coming from her little desk. “Hello?” She called out. Her voice echoed out from the second floor and filling the open building. When she heard no response, she shrugged and began pacing up her things to head home.

Though there was no response to the girl’s call there was in fact one lone soul left in the university’s library. One floor directly below Y/n sat a tall and slender boy, books piled high on his desk. Changmin twirled a pen between his fingers before checking his phone. His eyes widened seeing the time. Quickly he stuffed his journals into his bag, leaving his bag only half zipped. Red tuffs of fake hair stuck out as his doll was pushed towards the top of his bag.

The boy did a backtrack wondering if he should put his books away but decided against it knowing if he kept Chanhee and his friends waiting much longer then he might not live to see the midterm. Instead, he turned around and headed for the door- backpack on his shoulder and adjusting the glasses that were falling down his nose. 

It seemed fate was entirely focused on these two tonight. Only the storm clouds had a view of the girl walking down the stairs just in time to meet the boy as he stepped onto the main floor. The two shared a brief look- shocked to see another person at this hour, but continued their way to the front doors wordlessly.

Just the sight of the girl had Changmin’s hands starting a nervous sweat. He tried to focus on anything but how pretty he thought she looked with the dim light from the streetlamps outside casting streams of light over her face. As the two students grew closer to the door the sound of the storm outside grew louder. It was also easier for them to see as they neared the larger windows. 

Y/n reached out for the door. Surprisingly, she found resistance as she pushed. Again the girl tried, sending an awkward smile to the boy behind her. After pushing multiple times she gave up with a sigh.  “I- uh....I think it’s locked.”

“Locked?”

Changmin stepped forward and tried his hand at the closed entranced. He pushed and pulled until retreating, brows furrowed. “What you didn’t believe me?” The girl asked with a breathy laugh. Changmin’s eyes widened as he turned to face her.

“What- no! No, not all! I- I- I just...”

“I was just joking, don’t worry.” A timid smile quirked up the corner of the boy's lips. He watched as she shed her bag- placing it against the nearest row of shelves. “Should we try together?” His head moved faster than his mind could process Y/n’s words. He shed his backpack next to hers and the two turned towards the sealed doors.

In his mind, he knew that even with both of their strengths pushing, the industrial locks on the university doors would not break. “I’m Y/n, by the way.” Instead of looking at the boy, she readied herself at the door, palms pressed against the metal bar.

“Oh- I’m..uh...C-Changmin...”

“Well C-Changmin, push on three?” He nodded, finding Y/n’s smile, though small, even more enchanting up close. “One, two, three!”

The two of them pushed with all their might but to no avail. Y/n looked defeated as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket. Her delicate fingers pushed the button but the screen refused to light up. 

Changmin had a similar idea. He reached for his own phone. Both of them smiled as it lit up showing the time and 11% battery left. The grin quickly fell as he realized there was absolutely no signal. Using his long limbs to his advantage he reached up searching one measly bar. 

Y/n ran a hand through her hair. This was the absolute perfect way to end her already stressful and torturous day. She reached for the lamp on a nearby desk but a huge roll of thunder resonated through the building and it suddenly became even darker. 

“Well, this is the beginning of a horror movie if I’ve seen one.” Changmin joked, kicking the door with a grin. His smile fell as he turned to see the fearful look on Y/n’s face.

“Dude- why the fuck would you say that!” 

“I don’t know! I’m sorry!” He mentally hit himself over and over. Why did he say that? There was no need to break the silence. The silence was his safety net right now. If he was silent there was absolutely no way he could appear like some weird Freakazoid to her. He awkwardly scratched the back of his neck, casting brief glances over at the pretty girl he had liked for so long.

The two gradually gravitated towards each other. There was really nowhere else to go. Y/n enjoyed the sound of the storm outside, letting it calm her ever-growing nerves. Changmin resisted the urge to engage in embarrassing small talk.

A bright crash of lightning brightened up the room in sheets just as Y/n’s eye fell on the two backpacks several feet away. Her scream echoed off the ceiling as she caught a glimpse of the Chucky doll peeking its head out of the boy’s bag. Instinctively, she grabbed onto the closest thing- which happened to be Changmin’s hoodie.

Heat flooded every inch of his face and he wasn’t quite sure where to put his hands so he settled for keeping them up in the air. Inside his heart was beating faster than he ever thought possible. It was like all of his senses were heightened the moment she touched him.

“What the hell is that?”

“Oh...umm...he’s my Chucky.”

“Your what?” She pulled away from him and Changmin instantly missed her touch. The girl all but laughed seeing the blush on his cheeks and his arms still raised in the air almost in surrender.

“My Chucky. You know- like from the movie...”

“Yes, I’ve seen the fucking movie!”

Nervously he adjusted his sweater before shuffling over and gently tucking his doll safely pack in his bag- out of sight from the still shaken girl. “Why are you carrying that around anyway?”

The scare had seemed to lessen the tension between both of them; though Changmin was still very aware of every word and action towards Y/n. “I was headed to a thriller marathon at my friend’s apartment after I finished some studying.” She nodded but in her mind, she wondered how if he had been studying for as long as she had, he did not have tears running down his face and a massive migraine. “I guess I just lost track of the time.” 

Y/n couldn’t help but smile a the boy’s lopsided grin. She found it endearing how one side was always high than the other. The more he smiled at her the more she wanted to take a picture of his little quirk.

Another weighted silence fell between them. Against his better judgment, Changmin began to speak. “I don’t mean to pry...but what were you doing here so late?” For a moment Y/n had forgotten all about her troubles that had been following her for the past month and a half. A visible heaviness pressed down her shoulders.

Her back pressed against the bookshelf and she let herself slide down to the floor. “I gave up on finding a tutor last week. I was hoping some miracle would happen if I read that stupid book long enough.”

At that moment she wasn’t just the girl he had been pining after since he was in braces. Changmin saw the exhaustion. He saw the complete lack of hope. He moved his backpack- which she had sat down next to and took its place. 

“What book?” He didn’t need to ask but saved her the embarrassment of telling her that he had been in the room for her lecture with Professor Jeong. Wordlessly she pulled out a book, her hand dipping in the air from the significant weight. “Ah,”

“Good ‘ah’ or bad ‘ah’?”

“I’m not sure which the situation calls for?” He said pushing up his glasses with a little smile. 

Changmin’s grin grew a little wider as he heard her laugh. Even sitting in the dark, her smile seemed to fill the room with a warm glow. “At this point, I think I’m just useless.” She pressed her forehead against the cool cover of the book. 

She wondered why she found herself so comfortable with this stranger. It felt easier to talk with this boy she had known for twenty minutes than to talk with her closest friends- even her parents. A small shock of something she could only describe as electricity, raced up her arm as the boy’s hand brushed hers. He reached for the book, gently taking it from her hands and opening it to the tabbed page. 

“You aren’t useless, Y/n,” His words gave her comfort, wrapping around her like a warm blanket fresh from the dryer. Changmin chuckled, turning the page. “However, one might find it useful to highlight only the useful information and not the entire page.”

He found it cute looking down at Y/n’s textbook. Most of the passages were marked with yellow highlighter- easy to see even in the growing darkness. Some lines were underlined in red and there were circled statements with question marks all over the page. It was evident that she was in fact trying. Actually, her notes were in more detail than his. 

“I just don't understand it.”

“What?”

“All of it.”

“All of history?”

“Sure- let’s go with that.” She shrugged leaning her head back on the bookshelf.  

“I think history can be confusing sometimes too.” Changmin let her textbook rest on his lap. The two of them looked out the huge windows in front of them, watching the storm rage on outside. Occasionally, a flash of lightning would light up the library. “You know, I’m in Professor Jeong’s class too.”

“You are?”

Chanhee was right. She had no idea he existed until now and unless he played his cards right, she would forget about him the moment she left this building. “Yeah...I sit two rows behind you.” He watched her eyes widened a little as if she was trying to recall every face she had seen in that classroom. “Actually...to be fully honest...I knew who you were before tonight.”

Her brows furrowed, creating a small crease in the middle of her forehead. Everything about her fascinated Changmin, even down to her smallest expression. Getting a little nervous, he started rummaging through his backpack. As he chose his next words carefully in his mind, Changmin pulled out a half-full plastic water bottle and portable charger he forgot he carried. 

Interested in the boy’s previous statement, Y/n watched him with intrigue. “I-uh....” His hands shakily turned on his phone’s flashlight after plugging his phone into the charger. “We went to the same high school. You and I have shared classes since grade nine.” Her jaw dropped a little at his words.

“I feel....like such a bitch.”

“Oh no-” He stuttered, trying to balance the water bottle over his flashlight- creating a makeshift lantern. 

“Oh my god, I am the biggest asshole! I’ve never once noticed you in seven years? You must hate me!”

His heart warmed, seeing how bothered she was. He felt a little pride swell in his chest knowing that Sunwoo and Chanee were completely wrong about Y/n. “No, not at all! I just think we had different friend groups that’s all.”

Shrouded in the light from their little water lamp the two of them exchanged old high school gossip that Changmin never quite understood from the outside. “Wait so Miyoung stole Yeonu away from Hajoon?” Changmin covered his mouth in shock, his eyes widening in a cute way. 

Y/n smiled and nodded, hand falling on his knee. “Yeah- I know right!”

“And Yeonu was the guy who-”

“Yeah who sold Class 4B the midterm answers!”

Changmin let loose a huge sigh. “Damn- I missed so much in high school by just studying and playing games.” This time a comfortable silence fell between the two students on the floor. By the way her eyes were drooping, Y/n assumed it was about three am. 

“Nah you just missed....a whole lot of drama.” She yawned shaking her head to stay awake. 

It was then that Changmin’s willpower gave in to the weariness of his body. His brain no longer had control of his mouth at that moment. “What if I tutored you?”

A sleepily smile slid onto Y/n’s face. She turned her head against the shelf to look up at the boy next to her. His hopes fell as she laughed a little. “I need more help than just History.”

“What else?”

“Math, Physics, Psych...”

“I can help you with all of that too!” 

Changmin hated how eager he sounded. “What are you? Some kind of genius?” She smiled even though her back was getting sore and the sound of the rain was lulling her to sleep. 

“No, just a mathematics major whose parents paid for top tutors until he was sixteen.”

The girl stared at him. Her expression was unclear. In her mind, she knew there had to be some catch. No way was this guy going to tutor her in all the subjects she needed for nothing. “What’s your rate, Genius?”

“Like money?

She nodded, turning to fully face the boy. Y/n waited for some terrible number that was hellbent on destroying her bank account. Changmin on the other hand was panicking trying to decipher what number was high enough to get her to say yes but not low enough to make her think that he wasn’t serious. “Um.....$8?”

“An hour? For four subjects?”

“Yes...”

“DEAL!” 

Once again Changmin was frozen as Y/n threw her arms around him in a hug. His hands returned to their familiar place- up in the air, shaking, and far away from her. 

The pair spent the next hours with textbooks sprawled around them. Changmin patiently assessed where Y/n was in each of her subjects, surprised how someone of her intelligence was struggling. He found that she was indeed very bright- but simply not understanding the information the way it was being given to her. 

Neither of them noticed the rain stopping or even the sun rising with a pink and orange glow coming over the horizon, morning light sliding across the marbled floor. They didn’t even notice the sound of keys being turned in the front doors hours earlier they tried so hard to open. 

“What are you kids doing here?” The two students looked up to see one of the librarians standing in the doorway, keys in hand. 

They looked at each other before scrambling to grab their things and running out the doors. The warm, wet morning air greeted them as they stumbled outside. The sun was just peaking over the buildings and Y/n smiled at the dew clinging to the bright green blades of grass lining the sidewalks. It was a new day and a new hope filled her chest. “We’re finally out!” Changmin cheered, jumping up and down adorably. 

Y/n found it precious that someone so tall and graceful looking could be so clumsy and cute. “Changmin, I can’t thank you enough. I don’t think anyone could have explained the Joseon Era principles better.”

“Oh- i-it was nothing.”

“Here,” Taking a pen from her pocket she reached for his right arm and rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie. He took the moment to once again appreciate her beauty up close while the girl wrote her number on his arm. When she was done she placed the pen in his large hand and looked at him expectantly. “Aren’t you going to give me yours?”

Changmin vigorously nodded his head ‘yes’ and internally screamed at his brain to remember the numbers to his own phone number. With anything but steady hands, he wrote his number on her forearm and basked in the glow of the smile he received.

“So-uh..I’ll call you? You’ll call me? We can talk about times that work?”

“Yeah! Dates....and what not...Study-dates I mean! Tutoring! Yes.”

“Awesome! I can’t wait! Thank you so much, you have no idea how much you are saving my ass.” Y/n cheered as she started to back away towards her dorm. 

“So you’ll call me?” He called after her. His feet were planted firmly where he stood for he feared if he moved an inch he might float away.

She laughed, her smile even brighter in the growing daylight. “Or something, yeah!”

“Okay!” He watched Y/n unit she rounded a corner before letting all the joy explode from his body in a fit of jumps, hollers, cheers, dance, and maybe what some might consider singing. 

The sun basked in the boy’s glee as he danced and jumped his way down the sidewalk screaming “YES! SHE KNOWS WHO I AM!” His body was no longer sore and his mind was no longer tired. Instead, he ran all the way back to his apartment with a grin that the sun could not compete with. 

Previous Chapter ❖    Next Chapter

RBTL M.List

Masterlist

[taexual]

HOLIC - 50 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: fluff

words: 3.1k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

the final chapter is up, let’s get it!

           prev / next

To say that it was raining cats and dogs would have been akin to saying nothing at all because the precipitation that night resembled a whole downpour of whales much more accurately. You have, of course, experienced rain before and you never really appreciated it much, but as you exited the car outside of the building, you welcomed every drop with a smile on your face. It seemed as though there used to be so many things in life that you’d hated, but tonight, as you texted Jaebum, announcing your arrival at the party, each of those silent moments of hatred seemed to lose all meaning.

The waiter took your coat after you entered the empty loft that you and Jackson had picked out for tonight’s event. Giving him a grateful nod and brushing the wet hair away from your face, you grabbed a glass of champagne by the door and headed for the party. With each step that you took inside of the packed venue – full of people, waiting to hear and to congratulate Jaebum on his debut EP – you watched the white walls of the building come alive with the pictures you’ve taken of Jaebum in Jackson’s studio that very first time you were there.

You wanted to take partial credit for the planning of this event, but really, it had been Jackson’s idea. As soon as you and him started to work together, he didn’t see a point to host your exhibition on a separate night from Jaebum’s release party because the two instances were connected so closely to one another. Jaebum had used you for inspiration when he worked on the songs he’ll be putting out for the world to hear and, similarly, the only pictures you wanted to exhibit for all to see were the ones that featured Jaebum.

Now, smiling as your eyes searched for the live-version of the man in the pictures on the walls, you welcomed the warm memories of all the days leading up to this moment. All the fights and the make-ups. All the kisses and inside jokes. All your shared friends – who were all here, eager to congratulate you and Jaebum both – and all of your shared nights.

The title piece for both, your exhibition and Jaebum’s EP, greeted you in the center of the room, reading in bold letters, “HOLIC. indicating a person’s abnormal desire for something.” Another memory sparked in your mind – you’ve only settled on the title a few nights ago, lying awake next to Jaebum who was tracing symbols on the sensitive skin of your neck—symbols, that were only visible to him—with the tip of his finger.

“I’ve never needed anyone this much before,” he had whispered to you then, “so much that it feels like an illness without a cure.”

You had responded to him with endless confessions of love, lasting all throughout the night and well into the morning, and all was decided.

Admittedly, out of all the memories that the pictures on the walls brought back, the memories of the last few nights before this party were your most favorite ones. Even if thinking about them made you much dizzier – and hotter – than the champagne that was being served here.

“Hey!” Jackson’s shrill voice distracted you and you turned your head to see him and a group of executives you thought you’ve seen around his studio a few times before. “Where’s the boyfriend? We should get some pictures taken of you two together.”

“Oh,” you looked around again. “I thought you were with him. Isn’t he in the back?”

“I don’t know,” Jackson glanced towards the hallway at the end of the room – it lead to a storage room that Jaebum had planned to use to rehearse, “he was waiting for you to arrive.”

“I’ll go find him,” you said and, with a quick nod at the people in Jackson’s entourage, excused yourself.

You didn’t even reach the hallway before you saw the door open at the far end as Jaebum stepped out of the storage room, his shoulders hunched and chest heavy with anxiety. He closed the door, stopping short as soon as he saw you.

“You’re here,” he said and, even though it was too dark to see him, you could hear the smile in his voice. “You look beautiful. Maybe you shouldn’t come closer or else we might miss the entire event.”

You laughed, crossing the hallway anyway, because you haven’t seen him today yet – he’d left early for a soundcheck and refused to bring you along with him, not wanting you to hear his songs early – and that was too long of a time. Jaebum, feeling exactly the same way, had his arms wrapped around you as soon as you stopped close enough for him to reach.

Every kiss you’ve shared since reuniting that night in the lounge room felt so important and special that you both refused to pull away first as if this was the last kiss you’d ever share and neither of you wanted to be responsible for its ending. You didn’t mind losing yourself in him completely whenever your lips touched but, this time, you two were about to start the biggest night of your lives to date and, despite everything, you had to pull away.

“Jackson is looking for us,” you said, reluctantly breaking the kiss—and then regretting it right away because of how alluring he looked from up close. “He said something about getting our picture taken.”

“Ah, that’s right,” Jaebum groaned. He’d already talked about how little wish he had to participate in the promotional aspect of making music – he just wanted to create and to sing – but he knew he wouldn’t get out of it. “Let’s go.”

“Don’t look so sad,” you said, taking his hand into yours as the two of you headed towards the party. “It’s your big night.”

“It’s our big night,” he corrected, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to your cheek just as the two of you emerged from the hallway. The few photographers Jackson had hired for tonight immediately found the two of you, their flashes going off so suddenly and with such vehemence that nearly everyone at the party turned to look. “God, I feel awkward.”

Smiling, you turned to look at him and – not daring to kiss him now that there were cameras on you – chose to fix his tie for him instead. “Don’t. You look great.”

Jaebum watched you as you tightened his tie, his eyes providing the much-needed warmth on this rainy day – the photographers were having a field day and they didn’t even have to try – and then leaned in to whisper into your ear, “I’m so grateful to have you next to me tonight.”

“I love you,” you replied, his hand clutching yours tighter. “I never thought we’d make it this far.”

“I love you,” he echoed, “I never had doubts about this.”

Thankfully, Jackson proved to be not just a great friend and a talented artist – or perhaps a producer? A photographer? A model? The man clearly hated labels – but also a fantastic party host. Another few moments later, when you and Jaebum were already risking permanent eye damage from the camera flashes, Jackson shuffled closer to you, waving his hand around in a manner so authoritative, the photographers ceased their rapid flash fire immediately.

“Let’s get started, yeah?” Jackson asked and, after getting affirmative nods from both of you, he proceeded to walk Jaebum to the platform in the far corner of the room.

A microphone and a stool was already prepared for Jaebum on the platform, the audio engineers giving him a thumbs-up from across the room. Slowly, the background music that had played through the speakers since the party started faded out, and the room prepared to finally hear what they’d come here to hear.

“Thank you for coming,” Jaebum said into the microphone as soon as he climbed on the platform. His voice sounded so sheepish, you could tell that the few elderly ladies behind you had started to giggle because they were falling in love with him, too. “It’s a very special night tonight and I’m happy to get to share it with all of you.”

You wished for nothing more than to stand silently in the opposite corner of the room where you could hear Jaebum’s clear voice but, as soon as he finished his thank-you speech and introduced the first song, you learned that that was absolutely not going to happen.

Your friends were the first ones who approached you, trying to keep their excitement to a minimum but still distracting you from Jaebum’s music. You didn’t mind – it felt so touching to hear their words of support – and you didn’t really mind the people from Jaebum’s agency who approached you next, either, because, for one, you felt like you had to leave a good impression on them, but also, they were unexpectedly supportive as well. Apparently, this was the first acoustic-showcase-turned-photography-exhibition for any artist signed with their label and that was, according to them, a great start for any career.

You got to hear Jaebum finish the first song – and saw how lost in the music he seemed to be on that platform; he looked like he was exploring a different world, far away from the party and the people here – and applauded as loud as every other person in the room before, just as he started to introduce the next song, you were forced to return to the position of co-host and carry on with your own performance.

Apparently, the people who had come tonight weren’t just friends and acquaintances, but complete strangers as well. They had simply gotten curious about an event in their neighborhood and decided to show up. You learned of this when Jaebum’s second song of the night unleashed a chain of people you’ve never met – all of them were curious about purchasing the artwork. Your artwork.

Truthfully, you hadn’t even planned on selling any of your pictures, so, flushed and disheveled, you left them waiting while you scanned the party for Jackson.

“I got this,” he reassured you as soon as you found him – he was chatting up the three elderly ladies from before – and explained the situation. “You go to the front, yeah? He needs to see you.”

“Y-yeah,” you nodded, overwhelmed by so many things happening at the same time. “Thank you!”

Jackson nodded and headed in the direction you had pointed in, while you made your way closer to Jaebum’s platform. For the first few moments, you couldn’t concentrate on the sound of his voice for too long. You kept turning around to check on Jackson who was showing your pictures and bargaining with anyone who was interested. But, before long, Jaebum’s songs ended up captivating you after all. It was simply impossible not to feel yourself wander into the realms he’d created with his soulful music.

Watching him was an all-consuming experience. Jaebum kept his eyes closed for most of the songs but whenever he did allow himself to look at the audience, his eyes always found you by default. That alone was enough to make your heart race but every time he smiled when he looked at you – as if he wasn’t expecting to see you standing at the front, completely transfixed by him – sent you right into a dizzy spell and you were worried you’d conclude this night by passing out before hearing his entire set.

“The last song,” Jaebum announced right when your cheeks were starting to hurt from smiling so much, “is easily the most meaningful one in the EP. It’s about someone who’s really important to me. The most important, actually. Uh, we met under unusual circumstances, to be honest. I caused a lot of damage in this person’s life – I broke furniture, even,” he had to pause until the audience stopped laughing, “I was generally a very big asshole. But this person and I went through a lot a-and I hope we go through a lot more together.”

When Jaebum looked at you before the first chords started to play, you were afraid you looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Your heart was struggling to keep beating as the time around you seemed to come to a stop.

“You and I, who met by accident,” he started the song, the richness of his voice so much more prominent when he was singing live than it was on the record, “you never even thought about us, but my head is completely filled with thoughts of you. I think about you every moment of the day.”

You tried to focus on your breathing because focusing on the words he was singing – the words he might have written about you – was making your hands shake and your eyes water. This could have been the very song Jackson had mentioned when he confronted you at the exhibition you’d attended with Jiho.

“Without missing a single day, no matter where I am, I want to be with you,” he sang and you perked up, recognizing the last line. This was the same song—the same melody, the similar lyrics!—that you’d overheard Jaebum sing to himself in the shower at the motel all of those weeks ago. “I don’t want to be apart, not for one moment. Let’s make a promise, the two of us.”

You’d have promised him anything in that moment—and any moment that followed—as you listened to him sing, your entire body coming alive with each chord. You could feel your pulse throb in your veins, your temples, and your throat all at the same time.

“Each gesture of yours is picturesque. Even when you wake up in the morning, you sparkle,” Jaebum’s voice continued, his eyes catching yours in a loving—and absolutely unyielding—gaze. “It wouldn’t matter if you were shabby, you’re already inside of my heart. Even if someone else comes along, no one compares to you.”

Your throat was dry but your eyes were the complete opposite. You felt the first tears slip out of your control and slide down your cheeks -- just like the raindrops had, outside of the loft -- as soon as Jaebum gripped the mic stand tighter, starting the chorus of the song.

“I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you,” he harmonised, his eyes closing but his heart remaining open as words spilled out from the deepest cavities of his chest, “I am spiraling out of control. All I wanna do is love you, the spot next to me naturally belongs to you.”

You flinched, startled by an unexpected hand that had landed on your shoulder just as the chorus drew to a close. Tearing your eyes away from Jaebum, you saw Jackson next to you – a proud, almost fatherly, smile on his face. He didn’t say anything but the nod of his head confirmed what little doubts you may have had left – this was the song for you. The song about you.

“When I think about it now, it still makes no sense,” Jaebum continued, the feeling of you finally hearing these words so relieving, he couldn’t help the small smile that had crept up to his lips as he asked, “how did I fall for you in such a short time? Even when I close my eyes, I’m thinking about you. I can’t fall asleep, what’s the matter?”

You knew you were going through the most powerful whirlpool of emotions of your life as you felt the tears on your cheeks but couldn’t resist mirroring Jaebum’s smile.

“I don’t know if I’m me, sometimes I get surprised. My image, even if it’s the same, is a little awkward,” he sang, each and every word full of the feelings he’d grasped and pulled out of his heart to put them into the song. “But I think it’s okay – this isn’t so bad, either. As long as I’m next to you, whoever I am, it’s all good.”

You felt so much love for him, you thought you were going to explode. And, in spite of finding the song simply mesmerizing and utterly unforgettable, you suddenly couldn’t wait for it to end because even though he was singing it on a platform a mere few feet away from you, he still felt too far.

“I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you,” he admitted again in the second chorus. When asked later, you’d never be able to tell if he was singing this song at his release party in front of dozens of people, or if he had pulled you away from the crowd to sing to you about all the things he’d insisted he was so bad at saying out loud.

Bowing to deafening applause when the song ended, Jaebum thanked everyone once again, his speech directed at those who came and those who didn’t. He thanked his friends individually. He thanked his label and everyone involved in the creation process. He thanked his family. And he thanked you – but you were already crying too much to make sense of anything he was saying.

As soon as he was finished, he wasted no time before climbing off the platform and, with a smile brighter than the brightest star in the night sky, he made his way towards you. The people were still applauding him when he reached you but he was now focused on something else entirely.

“You didn’t like the song?” he asked with a smile as his hands carefully wiped the tears away from your face.

You laughed at the absurd question, wrapping your arms around him and leaning your head against his shoulder as you whispered, “I loved it. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said and the room erupted into a yet another round of applause as he hugged you back, laughing in the same ethereal way that made your heart dance and the rain outside stop, so the whole world could listen.

With the people around you still on a high brought on by Jaebum’s music and with the applause still ringing in your ears, Jaebum took you back into the world he’d created for you and him only -- a world that seemed to be miles away from anyone else and lightyears away from real life. No one wanted to approach you and interrupt. No one dared.

Kissing your temple, Jaebum pulled away slightly to push a stray strand of your hair away from your face and ask, “do you still have doubts if we’ll make it?”

“No,” you answered, your eyes glittering with life and with love. “I think we’ve already made it.”

   chapter directory

[oranjis-shipping-mess]

ABC Challenge ~ Jihan H is for Haven (I know its crazy, but marry me, part 1)

"Babe? You're home early." Joshua smiled from the couch where he was sitting, book in one hand, cup of tea in the other. He placed both on the table as he got up to greet Mingyu with a kiss. "I'm only here to pick up some files that I forgot earlier." Mingyu went to his little office to get the files he needed. "Hey Mings, I saved dinner for you, you can take it with you?" Joshua smiled as he handed Mingyu a bag with the food. "I'm not hungry. Look, I need to go now. Don't wait up for me." Mingyu ranted as he made his way outside again, followed by Joshua, who waved him goodbye, bag still in his hand. "I love you, Mings." Mingyu was already back at his car, "bye." Was the only thing he said before he got in and left.

Joshua sighed as he put the bag with food away, he figured he could just have it for lunch tomorrow. Sitting down back at the couch, turning the tv on, trying to find something intresting to watch. Mingyu had been tense lately, it was only three days before their wedding, and ofcourse, Joshua was nervous too. But he barely recognized Mingyu anymore. Maybe it was because Joshua didn't feel comfortable hosting bachelor parties, and Mingyu was still angry over it. Or maybe it was because Mingyu's boss was giving him a hard time at work. All by all, Joshua wasn't sure, and he wished that Mingyu would open up to him about it.

Barely an hour had passed, and it was still early in the evening, too early to go to bed, that was. So Joshua got his phone and called Jeonghan. "Hey, my love. What's up?" The older answered, loud noises coming from the background. "Jeonghanniee, are you really busy tonight? Maybe we can watch a movie together?" Jeonghan had his phone on his shoulder, pressed to his cheek, as he tossed several drinks to the costumers. "Aah, Joshuji, I am very sorry, but its incredibly crowded tonight. I can come after my shift though? Or you could come here, if you want." Joshua shrugged, even though Jeonghan couldn't see him. "Maybe. I'll think about it. But we're still on for tomorrow, right?" Joshua had turned off the tv, as nothing intresting was on. "Yes, ofcourse. 8:30, your place. I can take breakfast with me from that place you like, but let me know if your soon to be husband, will be joining breakfast." Joshua bit his lip at the mention of Mingyu, "ya, I'll let you know, Han. See you in the morning, maybe tonight." And they said their goodbyes.

Joshua and Jeonghan had known each other since kindergarden. From the very first day, no one was ever able to seperate them. Through the years, they would barely pay attention to anyone else, as they knew they had each other to count on. At an early age, Jeonghan already knew he was in to boys, and he wasn't afraid to be open about it. He didn't care about the haters, and only cared about the people that were close to him. As for Joshua, he had always been more confused. He respected Jeonghan so much, but he could never see himself like that. Be openly gay and okay with it. He was afraid of the judgement and the haters, that was, untill he met Mingyu. He was head over heals for this guy, and Jeonghan had helped him with everything, from asking Mingyu out for their very first date, to how Joshua had proposed. And Jeonghan was happy for Joshua, even though he was broken inside. He always knew that Joshua was special to him, as when they grew older, he fell in love with him, but didn't want to ruin their friendship. They even kissed, more then once. Usually on nights when they were out, clubbing, and too wasted to remember it the next day. But that came to an end when Joshua and Mingyu started dating. But untill this day, Jeonghan was still in love with Joshua, and in just a few days, he would be the best man at Joshua and Mingyu's wedding.

Now, Mingyu was a very different person compared to Jeonghan. Where Jeonghan was outgoing, not afraid of anything, Mingyu was a very closed person. He would barely talk about his emotions, and he definitly was a work-a-holic, meaning that sometimes, or most of the time, he would prioritize his job over Joshua. And Jeonghan hated it. He absolutely hated the way Mingyu treated Joshua. He would sometimes fantasize about what could have happend, if he had told Joshua about how he felt. They could have been a perfect match. A match made in heaven, as they called it. And that one time, when he did feel ready to talk about it, Joshua had come to him, asking advice on how to get Mingyu's attention.

But now it was three days before Joshua and Mingyu were to get married. Tomorrow they would go to the venue they had hired. It was a very large building, beautiful garden in the back. That's where they'd hold the ceremony, the party would follow inside the venue. Now, tomorrow they were gonna start on the decorating, but Mingyu had to cancel due to work. So Jeonghan, Joshua's best man, was to accompany him, together they would decorate everything the way that Joshua and Mingyu had discussed.

Joshua looked once again at the time, it was still early, but he didn't feel like going clubbing, neither did he feel like staying up till God knows what time for Mingyu to get home. So he decided to take a warm bath, scented candle on the side and just go to bed after.

"Mingyu?" Jeonghan mentioned his name, suprised to see him in the club. "Where is Josh?" Mingyu shrugged, looking like he wanted to die at that exact moment. "Home, sleeping? I don't know. Now get me your strongest drink and mind your own fucking business." Jeonghan rolled his eyes as he got Mingyu his drink. "You do realize that you're getting married in less then three days, right? And that your fiancée is currently stressing about everything, alone." Mingyu took hold of the glass, "what do you not understand about minding your own business? Anyways, what time does your shift end? Or am I stuck to you for the rest of the night?" Jeonghan rested both his hands on the counter, "not that it is any of your business, but my co-worker should be here any minute, and I'm free to go." Mingyu nodded as he made his way through the club, ignoring Jeonghan's answer completely.

"What the fuck?" Jeonghan looked at the two man in front of him, one of them definitly being Mingyu. "Mingyu!" He screamed as he ripped the two appart. "God damn it, Jeonghan. For fucking once, can you just mind your own business?" The other guy just stared at them, not sure what to do. "I wanna say i'm sorry, but i'm not." His voice was stern as his fist made its way to Mingyu's jaw. But Mingyu was quick to respond and took hold of Jeonghan's arm. "Now, here is what you'll do, Jeonghan. You will turn around, walk away and forget that you saw us, okay? Oh, and if you even think about telling Joshua about this, think again." Jeonghan tried to get out of Mingyu's grip, "ofcourse I will tell Joshua, how long has this been going on, Mingyu?" Mingyu grabbed Jeonghan by his collar, "if you really must know, this is Vernon, my fiancée, and we've been together ever since highschool." Jeonghan's jaw dropped in disbelieve. "Then why are you with Joshua? Do you have any idea how much he loves you? How much he cares for you? And now you're telling me you have another fiancée? When are you gonna tell him?" Jeonghan struggled to get his feet in the ground, as Mingyu's grip was tight. "Simple, I'm not gonna tell him. And yes, ofcourse I know how much he loves me. He promised me, that when we're married and grow old together, and if he were to pass away first, he'd leave me all his money, and the big villa out of town that his parents left him. So, guess who's gonna have to plan a funeral soon? No worries, I'll invite you, so you can say your last, pathethic goodbye." Mingyu chuckled as he let go of Jeonghan, who immedeatly pushed him. "You fucking asshole, what are you planning? You can't do this! I will tell him everything, you're not gonna get away with this!" Mingyu stroke Jeonghan's cheek, "you can tell. But who do you think he's gonna believe? His fiancée or his pathetic friend? Oh, and no, don't worry. It won't be painfull for him. Cause of death? There probably was something wrong with the food on our honeymoon." Jeonghan couldn't believe anything of what Mingyu was telling him, he looked at Vernon, "and you are okay with all of this?" The guy just nodded, "its not the first time one of us got married while we were already happily engaged." He explained, as he smiled at Mingyu. Jeonghan felt like he was gonna pass out any time soon, "you're both fucking twisted." He managed to say as he finally made his way outside, in need for fresh air.

The next morning, Jeonghan was at Joshua's place at 8:30 sharp. Breakfast with him, as promised. Joshua smiled tiredly as he opened the door and greated Jeonghan with a hug, "I missed you, Hannie." Jeonghan hugged back tightly, "I missed you too, Jiji." Jeonghan had been awake almost all night, not sure how he had to tell Joshua, because he knew this news would crush him, and he couldn't bare to see that happen.

Over breakfast, they had small talk, but Jeonghan couldn't help but notice how tired Joshua looked. "Josh, isn't Mingyu joining for breakfast?" It almost looked like Joshua had stopped breathing for a moment, "uhm, no. He already left for work before I woke up." Jeonghan sighed, "when we finish, you should get dressed soon, so we can go to the venue. Did you already try on your suit? Because if anything needs to be changed last minute, we have to get it to the store today." Joshua nodded, "I'll try it on quickly before I get dressed."

Jeonghan quickly cleaned whatever was left from breakfast, as they made their way to Joshua and Mingyu's bedroom. Jeonghan sat down at the edge of the bed, waiting for Joshua to get his suit. As Joshua removed his tshirt, Jeonghan's eyes immedeatly fell on the bruises on Joshua's back, "Josh, what's that?" Joshua immedeatly turned around, "what?" Jeonghan got up and stood behind Joshua, placing his hand on Joshua's hips. "Did Mingyu do that to you?" Joshua sighed, "he was just a little pissed off when he got home during the night. Jeonghan, its okay. He was gentle this time." Jeonghan carefully hugged Joshua from behind, "gentle? Josh, I'm sorry, I really didn't want to be the one to tell you this. But you can't marry him." Joshua frowned as he turned around, Jeonghan's arms still around his waist. "What are you talking about? If its about the bruise, its nothing to worry about. Its just a small one." Jeonghan shook his head as he gently stroke Joshua's cheek, "Joshua.. Can't you see it? He's not good for you. This was not the first time he hurt you like that. He didn't-", Joshua shook his head, "no, don't worry. We didn't have sex. You know that. Mingyu knows how important it is for me to wait till the night of the wedding." Jeonghan sighed, "that's literally the only promise he's keeping, Josh. Joshua, last night.. Last night I caught Mingyu making out with someone else. And it apparently wasn't the first time." Joshua frowned, "what? Jeonghan, what are you talking about?" Joshua started feeling hot inside, waiting for Jeonghan to explain.

They were both sitting on the bed now, Joshua was crying, Jeonghan comforting him, arms around him tightly. "But J-Jeonghan, what do I do now? He's about to get married to someone else? But what about our wedding? I can't cancel everything, I just can't.." Jeonghan slowly stroke his hand over Joshua's back, "simple, you let everything go through. You won't even tell Mingyu that you found out."

"What? Jeonghan, I c-can't do that. I don't want to marry him. What do you want me to do?" Joshua wiped his tears away as he looked in to Jeonghan's eyes.

"Marry me, Joshua Hong."

[acnhhh]

Detectives

By:Astrid Camicazi N. Hofferson

Summary:Modern AU! Detectives Hiccup Haddock and Astrid Hofferson expect that there will be no problems for them to solve this Holidays but something unexpected happened. What would they do? (Christmas Special)

Rated: T

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON.

ASTRID

TODAY is December 24, a day before Christmas. The streets are filled with different colored lights and Christmas ornaments, as well as the houses that surrounds the town. The snow is falling and everyone is enjoying the season. Well, the incoming days might be special for the others, but for us detectives, it is just an ordinary day.

I am Astrid Hofferson and I am a detective. Together with my best friend, a fellow detective, Hiccup Haddock, we solve different kinds of cases, simple or complex, no matter what the season is. We are always ready to help whoever needs us.

"You okay, Astrid? You looked very stressed." Hiccup asked worriedly about my condition.

"I am very fine, Hiccup. Just spacing out a bit." I told him reassuringly.

"I thought something happened." he smiled and handed me a mug of hot chocolate which I gladly accept.

"Thanks. But it is nothing." I said taking a sip from the hot chocolate.

"You sure? Maybe you just needed a break from all the stress we have encountered. Besides, it is Christmas time. All of the others are with their families. So, you better go somewhere else and relax."

Yes, you heard it right. All of our friends, who are our colleagues, went to their families to celebrate the occasion except for the two of us.

"Yeah-yeah. Says Mr. Work-a-holic." I said sarcastically which earned a chuckle from my companion.

"I know. But my point is we need to relax. Com'on! Christmas occurs only once a year and I think we should take a break from work. A vacation, I mean or let's just say, a nice Christmas dinner. Besides, we are both alone. We have no families left. So, I think we can spend time together, if you want to. It's not like any cases would happen." Hiccup told me.

He has a point actually. We don't have any families left. Nothing to spend time with. So maybe we can spend time together. But wait...

"Are you asking me for a date, Haddock? Never thought you would ask me out." I said teasingly.

He blushed at my comment but stuttered something in defense.

"N-no! I-its just a friendly date! A dinner like I said, if you wanted to."

"Fine, if you insist."

And that's it. We went out that night to eat dinner at a fancy restaurant. I ordered some grilled chicken and salad, while he ordered some carbonara and grilled salmon with vegetable salad. We had some talks while waiting for our food. Talks about work and personal life. A few moments later, the food we ordered was already served. The food is very tasty and actually worth the money. We also had red wine and desserts after that. He paid for the bill. Completely. I insist a share of money to pay the bill but he refused to accept it. All is well that ends well. I never expected this night to go well. We are currently walking back to the detective agency without cases to solve. No worries or...

KYAHHHHHH!

...not.

We heard a scream of a woman, just a few yards away from our current location. We immediately rushed to see what happened and when we got there, a bloody corpse of a man was found lying on the sidewalk.

"It seems like we have a case to solve." I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Yeah. I thought no more of this will happen, atleast, for today." my companion said.

A crying woman who was currently embracing the dead body saw us and immediately asked us a question.

"Who are you two and what are you doing in here?" she asked us. Her voice was a bit groggy but that might be because of her crying.

"I am Hiccup Haddock and this is Astrid Hofferson." my companion introduced ourselves to the woman. "And we are detectives. I advised you to stay away from the victim because this is now a crime scene and you might contaminate the evidences that might lead us to the culprit."

"C-culprit? How can that happen? My friend jumped off the building. He committed a suicide! And you are trying to say that someone killed him? He is a good man and I think no one can do that to him." the woman said aggressively.

"Yes. It may appear to be suicide for now. But we also needed to look at another angle that someone might have killed him. And that is what our job for. We are going to find out the truth behind this." I told her and I am glad that she listened. She stepped out of the way and let us investigate the crime. Whether it is suicide or not.

Hiccup wore his gloves and mask. And started to take pictures of the crime for future references. We always bring the things that we might need for investigations, just in case. While I, called the nearest police station and summoned them to deploy some officers to handle the case with us. After that, I approached the woman who found the corpse and asked for her statement.

"So tell me Miss..."

"Sarah Johnson." she introduced herself.

"Okay, Miss Johnson. Tell me what happened." I demanded.

"I found my friend, Max, lying on the sidewalk with his face facing the path, drenched in a pool of blood. His face was crushed and I was horrified of what I have saw." she said crying.

"What are you doing before you saw the corpse?" I asked her while jotting down her statement.

"I was on my way to his apartment room to visit him." the woman answered.

"Does the victim caught up in a fight with someone recently?"

"No. Never."

"Do you know someone who has a motive to do that?"

"As far as I know, his sibling-"

She was cut off when we heard a police siren came. The police went out of the car and helped Hiccup investigate the crime scene. I continued my interview with the woman and it is like she has no alibi. But she gave some names of the people who are close to the victim and the ones who are mad at him. So far, we have two persons of interest. Or three rather. For I do not trust the woman. It is like she is hiding something. I left her with the other police and entered the crime scene.

"How was it?" I asked Hiccup.

"There were no evidence that can point out the culprit, if this case is a murder. However, we still have the corpse examined just in case." He answered. I could see from the expression of his face that he was disappointed, not only on how our night turned out, but also because of the lack of clues that could point out the culprit, if there's any.

"Maybe we could really consider the possibility that it is suicide." I suggested.

"And if it is really a murder, the suspect did his thing very well." he said. "How about you? Any luck?"

"I got the woman's statement earlier. She is Sarah Johnson and she is a close friend of the victim, Maxwell Green. She has no alibi. But I find her indeed suspicious. Though, according to her statement, there are people who might have a motive to kill Max. His brother, John Green, is jealous of him ever since because according to what she knew, she said, that John's parents favoured Max more than him." I told him every detail of my interrogation.

"The woman might have told you a lie. We might have to consider Ms. Johnson as one of our primary suspects. Since she was the first to find the victim's , she and the victim's brother only?" he asked.

"Yeah. But, she also told me that Max has a girlfriend named Elana Brown. They have been for five years and since then, they have no fights." I answered.

"So, that crosses her out of our list."

"Or maybe not. We could always use every single bit of doubt for any case that we solve."

"Good point. Anyway, I..." Hiccup started but is cut off by the arrival of a police officer, Officer Helga Holgerson, who called us.

"Detective Haddock and Detective Hofferson, two people arrived here. They introduced themselves as the brother and girlfriend of the victim." she said and then she left right after.

"Okay. So, we needed to get their statement. I will interrogate his brother while you go for his girlfriend. Is that okay to you?"

"Yup." I said affirmatively. "Let's get started. Time is running. We don't want to waste our time, right?"

He nodded in agreement.

"Well, then."

We separated ways and started asking them some questions that might be essential for our investigation.

oOo

Few minutes have passed and we have finished questioning the two. Actually, it took shorter than we expected. Unfortunately, both of them also have no alibis. John and Elana were both at home spending time with their families for the Holidays. But obviously, everyone's spending time with their families, except for us, of course.

"I can't believe that I'm saying case is getting harder to solve, isn't it? The primary suspects have no alibis and all. No clues at all. Our only hope of solving this case is from the forensic examination results of Max's body." I said, almost losing hope.

"No. You may be right, Ast. But there's no perfect crime. There's a flaw in everything. Anyway, while we are waiting for the test results, we should probably check the victim's room and possessions, as well as, the CCTV videos. I'm sure they have a CCTV in here." Hiccup suggested.

oOo

We proceed to the victim's room, 3rd floor Room 305, to check out his possessions. And from what Hiccup and I saw, it was indeed, very saw a small package from his brother, John. His phone's last call was from his friend Sarah, a few minutes before he died. And there's also a cup of tea, Cherry Hibiscus Tea. But I, we knew that there is something wrong with it.

After that, we checked the videos from the CCTV cameras and we saw earlier that day that there was a delivery guy who came to give Max his package from John. It was actually a perfect normal scenario, but what baffled us was that the delivery guy wears shades and hooded jacket that wasn't normal for a typical guy who delivers packages. Plus, he has a very feminine body. We also checked the CCTV videos from the neighbouring building. Looks like with this we are almost done with this case.

Then by the time we were done with what we're doing, the Forensic reports were already here and were handed down to us.

I opened the envelope, took out the paper and read it.

"What did it says?" my partner asked.

"There were traces of belladonna inside his body." I told him.

Then, all of a sudden, he smiled. No. It is more like a smirk. The smirk that he shows when he already know the culprit.

"You do know the culprit already, don't you?" I asked.

"Yes, I do. But I know that you also know the culprit." he said.

"Positive."

"Perfect! Now, I think it's the time to reveal who our culprit is."

oOo

We are now gathered at the police station with our three primary suspects, namely: Sarah Johnson, John Green and Elana Brown, to reveal who the culprit is.

"So, I assume that we are all here because you already find out the truth?" John asked us.

"You're right." I replied affirmatively.

"Then, what is it? Is it a suicide or a murder?" Elana asked this time.

"Murder. And one of you three, is the suspect that we are finding for." Hiccup stated calmly.

"Given that the crime was almost perfect, It took as a while to figure out. But there's always an imperfection out of a perfect thing or scenario." Hiccup continued.

"Oh, please. Enough with the speech! Tell us who killed Max!" Sarah yelled at us, demanding for an answer.

Hiccup and I looked at each other and then we laughed. Like there is something very funny. The others are very confused of what's happening and tried to remain silent. A few moments later, I broke up the silence.

"Don't be silly, Miss Johnson. You already knew the culprit." I said. "Right, Hiccup?"

Hiccup nodded.

"The culprit is none other than you..." Hiccup pointed his finger to Sarah. "Miss Sarah Johnson."

"How dare you! How can you do this to Max?! He has been your bestfriend ever since!" Elana said with rage as she rose up her seat and attacked Sarah.

"Hey, stop!" she commanded Elana but she didn't listen. She pushed her to stop her and then, Sarah faced us. "You don't have a proof that I killed Max and also, why would I do such thing?" She asked. Sarah's still acting as if she was innocent. Though, the truth was already revealed.

"There is just one reason behind this...Jealousy." I answered her question and started to explain the reason why. "The suspect killed the victim because she loves him so much and she can't take seeing him with another woman."

"Hence, what happened. Ms. Johnson sent Mr. Green a lot of Cherry Hibiscus tea, in which she addressed the sender as John Green, which contained belladonna, or devil berries. According to the analysis, it was ingested by the victim before he died."

John looked at Sarah's direction and glared at her.

"Sarah delivered the package to Max and disguised as a courrier service delivery using some hooded jacket and button up. Then when the victim already received the package, the culprit left the apartment and changed clothes. She was watching what the victim is doing by going on the rooftop of a neighboring building and by observing him using a pair of binoculars. Seeing him already drank his tea, she decided to call him and convinced him to jumped the building." Hiccup continued explaining.

"And because belladonna, when going into the human body's system affects the victims perception of things. He began hallucinating things and becomes easier to manipulate. Or in other words, mind controlled. Being not in his normal state, Max followed Sarah's orders and went up to the rooftop of his apartment to jump. And when he did, Sarah purposely went back to see the corpse of her friend and acted like she was shocked of the unfortunate things that happened."

And that's where our deduction show ended and a deep silence ensued. I looked at Sarah to see that the innocent mask she wore is already worn off.

"You are right. I killed Max." she admitted, letting out a sob. "If he can't be with me, why would I let another woman have him?"

"You are sick and insane! How can you do this? All of this foolishness because of that damned jealousy!" said John. "Not to mention, you almost framed me up. But somehow, it failed."

"Says the sibling who is jealous with his sibling right from the very start!" countered Sarah. "And everything will be according to plan if this two didn't start investigating!"

"We're just doing are job." Hiccup muttered under his breath.

I nodded at the statement.

"Yes, I admit. I am jealous of Max but I would never do that to him. Blood is still thicker than water. Unlike you!"

"Bastard!"

"Enough of that! Take that woman away!" the chief of the police said.

The others took her and put her in the cell with the other prisoners.

On the other hand, the police, Elana and John were very grateful to us because of what we did. Well, like I said, it's our job to bring justice to people.

After that, we left the station and went back home.

oOo

We didn't return to the detective agency. This time we decided that it's better if we go home after all this Holiday fiasco. We went to my apartment. Actually, I can handle myself going back home. But Hiccup insisted to come with me because he couldn't let me encounter danger especially because it's already 3 am.

Oh...Guess what? It's already Christmas!

We reached my apartment by foot at 3:30 AM.

"Finally, we are here! I'm very tired." I said as we got inside the apartment.

"Me too. I can't believe that someone will perform a crime this time of the year!" says Hiccup as I gestured him to sit on my couch which he did not refuse.

"Well... what can I say? Love is the most powerful motivator for a person to do such serious crime." I told him.

"Yeah, love." he shrugged.

"Oh, by the way, Hiccup, do you like some coffee and perhaps some snacks as well?" I offered.

"No need. I'll go home."He replied.

"I insist. We just arrived in here and besides, like you've said earlier we should spend time together because y'know? We don't have families to spend with anymore." I persuaded him. I hope he accepts my offer...

"Fine."

I smiled at him and went to my kitchen to prepare two cups of brewed coffee and of course, some sandwiches just to ease my or should I say... our feeling of hunger.

"By the way, your moves are very familiar. You know that I am a guy who is hard to get." Hiccup said cockily with a... smirk?

"I'm not making any move!" I said defiantly.

"I'm just kidding. Geez, don't be to serious." Hiccup chuckled. "Besides, I really wanted to spend time with you. More likely because our peaceful night got ruined by that case. I'm sorry. Guess I really do have some bad luck like they always said, don't I?"

"It's not your fault and you don't have to feel sorry about it." I assured him.

A few minutes later, the coffee and the sandwiches are already done. I went to the living room to serve the two of us the snack I prepared.

"Here's your snack."

"Thanks."

There we dig into the scrumptious food I prepared. He then stared into the television.

[izartn]

xxxHOLiC other roads (or an alternative possible end)

You know, what we fans of HOLiC hate about the end is the vision of Watanuki alone in the shop forever young and waiting for someone who will never return, while all of his human friends have passed away long ago. It is depressive, and it really make you think about what was the point of teaching Watanuki to be alive if he would have ended anyway stuck away in the shop.

But I have just realised, while reading a fic or two... Isn’t Watanuki a mage or wizard or whatever Yuuko and Clow also are? Not an onmyouji not a medium not a dreamseer but a type of person who casts spells and has been demonstrated throughout CLAMP’s manga as considerably more long-lived and powerful than a lot of creatures around there. This all means- wouldn’t Watanuki have outlived all of his human friends anyway? And though if for a miracle he hadn’t get aisled in the shop I believe he would have become its master no matter what. The existence of the shop was to grant Clow’s, but Yuuko seemed to have been teaching Watanuki to make the deals too and the shop of wishes itself seems have become very important in the multiverse of TRC and xxxHOLiC over time. I bet that if the shop were to cease existing without preparing for it it would have serious consequences. So being no scaping of taking charge of the shop... Being the shopkeeper also would mean that his powers would have expanded and so his life expectancy too... Thus he most likely will have been left alone again.

(my douwata feelings. why why CLAMP? Also Watanuki doesn’t have the most aproachable of personalities. I think he could have made some other friends too along the way but... It appears his character is a tragic one for me since that end. THANKS CLAMP!! ;_;)

 Because while I’m pretty sure Sakura (CCS) is the most powerful in her world... Syaoran (CCS) has powers as well and they will be long-lived together. In Tsubasa Fai and Kurogane are linked through the vampire vincule, and although it is stated that vampires can live hundreds and maybe a thousand or so years when Fai becomes way Yuuko states that he is going to live only a little more than what he would have before. And Watanuki may not be the most powerful but I think it has been hinted that he is Yuuko successor the same way Sakura is Clow’s. 

Although Kaho and Eriol... I don’t know, Eriol stopped aging at will (again what Watanuki became able to do in the moment he decides to take charge as if it were instinctive... so much foreshadowing with Clow there too) and then he said he was able to get older again. Because he wanted to be with Kaho. Just that. Even when he lost half his powers it was just a thing he was able to do just because. >.<’  Maybe Wata could do that? Or maybe not hum.. It is frustrating the little worldbuilding we have for magic in CLAMP works. I mean, I understand that their works are more about character relationships than anything else, but there are so much things left hanging with that approach. In moments like this it is very pitiful. 

Well, this is all. Food for thought ;) What do you think of this? I believe this would make a hell of a fic too...

[20yearstostart]

Friday 8th June, 2018

Dear Blank, 

Today you could say, was an unproductive day. I can smell my failure of completing my to-do list in the stench of cold fast food giving off its displeasing smell from my study table. That’s right, Blank, my study table is full of food; and I said I wanted to lose weight. 

I am trying so hard to think of a problem for Holic, and it’s eating my head away and distracting me from studying. I attempted to create a mood board for it to motivate me or inspire me, but it was so bad. I don’t think I am aesthetically blessed. Anyways, so there are so many paths this story could go down, I don’t know which way to turn. 

I want the character to be despicable; a complete horror if you may. But not in the annoying main female character who screams “you lied to me!” and then comes back running into the guy’s arms again. Or someone who goes and flirts with another guy to make him jealous. I want her to be evil with a level-headed mind, and that's so difficult because there is no problem at all. They both are completely horrible characters, and I don’t know how to handle them. 

On more personal grounds, there are three things I would like to talk about:

1. Studying for the exam; why is this so hard? I mean I am studying, when I am, but literally nothing is going into my head. I don’t know what to do. But, I’ll still do all that I have to and leave the rest on my memory that seems to remember unimportant stuff better than real things. 

2. A guy from my tutorials added me on social media: this is a first; because I only have one social media thing that is open to public search if they know my name. I’m not on facebook, so my account isn’t linked to it, and we have no common friends, so did he physically type in my name??? why? we can just be friends, but he didn’t even reply to my text! I asked him to put his number in my phone because he offered Facebook, which I don't have, and then I text him, ‘Hi this is me, from our class.” and no reply, then out of nowhere I get this request to follow me on my insta. And it’s like private af, like 17 allowed followers, 14 of them are never online, and weird as hell captions, but I still accepted his request. We are just friends after all or classmates?

3. I think I’m scared to writing: one of my followers from my other page told me that a could talk to her about anything... and I told her that I couldn’t write. I am so scared of writing now. I feel like I don’t write the same, and people will start to lose interest and that my page will be a one-hit wonder, and that my writings will be compared to the other writer, and the thing is I don’t even compare to her. I only write well when I’m in my zone, and right now, everything I look at that empty sheet of paper, I feel like I’m letting everyone down. I really wish that people still like my work, Blank. I’m scared I’ll become annoying, lol. I really wish I continue to write like they love it. I wish I can write again with worrying about others.

I guess that is enough for today, Blank. I think I’m going to clean my room while listening to GOT7 and think of Holic, before starting to study. 

Also, my friend has her paper tomorrow and I know she’ll do well. I hope she knows that too. 

But I’ll do well too, Blank, won’t I?

The Sky:

I didn’t see the sky in morning, Blank, but I am sure it was grey, dark and daunting. I did, however, see the night sky and it was clear, and dark blue with the really bright stars. It was really pretty, and with the crisp cold air bitting at our skins, I’d even say it was romantic. I also want to tell you, Blank, that a few days ago, towards sunset, I looked at the sky and it was beautiful. 

The whole sky was covered in thick grey clouds, but on one side, there was a small hole. If I measure it with a tape measure from where I stood it would be about 5 high, and 3 wide, in an oval shape. Through the hole, you could see the sky reflecting the colours of the sunset; it was orange, huge pink and purple, and absolutely breathtaking. The edges of the clouds around it were bleeding with that colour, but the bottom of the oval seemed to be spilling that colour into the clouds slightly; making the pale pink dust over the greys a bit more. That’s all, but it was beautiful, I think I’ll remember that sky forever.

[maquillagemenu]

My guide to flawless skin

Make-up sits on the skin. You’ll never achieve that truely flawless base without a flawless canvas to apply it to. 

I’ve learnt that the hard way. After spending months trying to find a full coverage foundation and concealer duo to hide the sins on my skin, I finally realized that was most definitely not the solution. The key to success was skincare! *Call me Sabrina Khalid lol..*

I’ve been using the products mentioned below for either a month, or just over. I saw results with them instantly - which is why ofcourse, I’m recommending them! I do tend to use higher end products, but I managed to find some drugstore alternatives which I swear by aswell!

*Just some quick background: My skin is normal/combo. Normal on my cheeks, meaning not dry, nor oily, but oily on my t-zone (across the forehead, down the nose, onto the chin)! I do suffer with acne, acne scaring and hyperpigmentation around the mouth - all which these products are correcting for me!*

So here we go, my current skincare routine! Enjoy ladies!

1) Remove that makeup, ALL OF IT..

The importance of a good makeup remover is extremely underestimated. 

Many removers can be harsh on the skin; filled with chemicals, fragrance and oils, which only make the skin worse *i’m talking to you make-up wipes*. I used make-up wipes up until summer ‘16, since I’ve stopped, my skins improved - they must’ve played some factor in the crappiness of my skin. 

*Challenge: If you do use wipes, try cutting them out and see if your skin changes!*

My fave EVER remover is the Garnier Micellar Cleansing Water (£4.99 - purchase here). It really does what it claims; removes makeup, be it stubborn waterproof mascara, glitter on the lids, liquid lipstick, liquid liner etc, etc, it WILL take it off. My favorite cotton to use alongside it are the rounds from Primark, they’re 50p a pack and don’t disintegrate and leave any straggly bits of fluff all over the face, always a plus!

Alternative: I haven’t tried the high-end version of this myself, but I have heard it’s amazing - the Bioderma Sensibio micellar water!

If you thought a makeup remover alone was enough to clean your face - you’re wrong. Here’s where a cleanser comes to play!

2) Cleanse, cleanse and cleanse again.

My two babies! Squeeky clean skin is the first step to becoming acne-free! Oil, dirt and product buildup on your face are the enemy! 

These two are my favorite cleansers I’ve found so far - let’s start with baby no. 1, Mario Badescu Acne Facial Cleanser (£14, purchase here). I use this every morning. I squeeze a tiny ‘pea-sized’ dollop onto my hand, and gently massage in with my fingers. 

*Enemy number 2: cleansing brushes - believe me, I had a spin brush, then purchased a Foreo and used both thinking my skin needed a real ‘scrubbing’ to become clean. NOT TRUE. These machines only aggrivate your skin and make your acne worse! If you have one of these devices try to cut it out of your routine for a week or two and JUST use your fingers, I promise, you’ll see a change!*

This cleanser is the best-of-the-best. It cleans the skin thoroughly without giving that horrible tight, dry, feeling. I use it in the morning because it keeps my oil at bay throughout the day which ultimatley makes my makeup stay on for longer without becoming a greasy mess. After using this product for a month, the amount of pimples, whiteheads, blackheads on my skin has reduced by a vast amount - it really does what it claims: “prevent and heal existing acne”.

Baby no. 2 now, the Alpha H Triple Action Cleanser (£25 purchase here) A slightly stronger and more beneficial version of the Mario Badescu in my opinion. Aswell as claiming to remove oil, and reduce breakouts (which it 100% does), it also has the added benefit of removing traces of face and eye makeup, which is why I use it at night after removing with the micellar water! A little goes a loooooong way - although you can’t see the product, (it’s a see-through, gel, liquid thing so hard to explain lol,) but this bottle will last a lifetime so it’s totally worth it’s price!

Alternatives: A drugstore version of a cleanser for oily skin, Nip+Fab Glycolic Fix Cleanser 

After you cleanse, you ofcourse have to tone - an important step which is often overlooked, if you don’t already, you must add it to your regime! 

3) Restore those Ph levels

Again, I have two more babies, by the end of this post I’m going to be a mother of 50 *rolls eyes* lol. 

First off, my ‘daily’ toner (I’ll explain why the ‘daily’ is in quotations soon) Pixi Glow Tonic (£18, purchase here), which I use morning and night. It’s a cult favorite and talked about by everyone, obviously I had to hop on the bandwagon and see if all the positive press is true or an overhype. I wasn’t dissapointed! 

*Can I just say, does the smell remind anyone of those cinnamon fireblast sweets, or is it just me?! Anyhow, back to the reviewing*. 

This toner is brill! Since I’ve started using it I’ve noticied my acne scars fading, this is due to the glycolic acid. My skin generally does look healthier and glowy since the upper layers of the skin shed off *ew that doesn’t sound nice*. The aloe within the product, alongside it having 0 alcohol content leaves the skin feeling soft to touch and not-at-all dry or tight. 

My ‘every other day’ toner, Alpha H Liquid Gold (£33.50, purchase here)

*It’s going to get complex now* - so, on the days I don’t use the glow tonic, I’m using this, which is every other day. Let me plan out my week for you, Monday: Pixi, Tuesday: Alpha H, Wednesday: Pixi, so on, so forth, you get the gist, I hope. BUT, I still use the glow tonic, every morning - which is why I said it’s my daily toner, oh jeeze, I’m confusing myself. ANYWAYS...

EVERYONE GO AND BUY THIS, NOW! You will 1000% not be dissapointed. Since I’ve used it my scaring is practically gone! Although it sizzles like a biatch and you feel your skins going to melt off at any given second it really, truely, works AMAZINGLY. I don’t think I have ever, or will ever come across a product which is as good! Perfect for hyperpigmentation, scars, aged skin, fine lines, wrinkles, or just for your skin to look refreshed and have that glow from within, its perfect. A little pricey but if you purchase anything from the reccomendations, this should be the one! 

Alternative: Also a toner containing the crucial ingredient, glycolic acid is the Mario Badescu Glycolic Acid Toner OR Nip+Fab Glycolic Fix Daily Cleansing Pads

After you’ve toned, the next obvious step is mosturiser. 

4) Let your skin drink!

Yes ladies, skin thats oily also needs to be mosturised. A common mistake is to not moisturise thinking you’ll be less-oilier, wrong! You’ll become more oilier because your skins become stripped of it’s natural oils and will therefore produce more thinking you’re deprived of it! Find a good moisturiser suited to your skin type - it’ll help alot in regulating your oil levels, and less oil means less breakouts!

Here are two of my faves. First off, the Embryolisse Lait-Crème Concentré, (£13, purchase here). I wouldn’t typically use a moisturiser like this, its extremely rich and targeted towards drier skin types but lets be real, we all ocassionally get crusty skin, *ew, ew, ew, sorry, but yeah, when a pimple heals up you do get some flakes of skin around it.* This is where I used this, dabbed on flaky areas with a q-tip. This is so that when I applied my makeup there would never be any dried flaky bits of foundation and everything applied beautifully! For all over my face I use the Kiehls, Ultra Facial Cream (£24, purchase here). I feel it’s perfect for my skintype - its texture is thin and lightweight on the skin, feels water-based rather than creamy and oily, it soaks into the skin without leaving a sticky residue behind all whilst doing it’s job of mosturising. I apply this morning and night, and it hasn’t ever broke me out! 

Alternative: Simple Kind To Skin Hydrating Light Moisturiser 

Now that we’ve got the basics down, you can add a few extra bits and pieces to up the amp of your routine!

5) Mask-a-holic!

Masks are amazing, I’m pretty sure we can all agree on that! Pictured above are a few of my favorites.  I always look forward for the 2 days in the week I use a mask! I don’t overkill it, 2 days is enough to clean out my skin without stripping it of it’s life lol! I either go for a resurfacing or purifying mask to give my skin a real deep clean. There are tons on the market, find one that suits your skin needs and go with it.

Its a treat to put on some netflix, a face mask, a big cosy blanket, and don’t forget the snacks *but make sure they’re healthy and non-greasy to avoid yet more breakouts, ;) haha!* - a perfect girly night in! 

The high end products vs their dupes -in my humble opinion-

Glamglow super youthmud mask (£39, purchase here) OR Peter Thomas Roth’s Irish Mud Mask (£32.95, purchase here) is comparable to the Loreal Paris Pure Clay Detox Mask (£6, purchase here). All three of these draw out impurities from the skin in a very comparable manner!

Peter Thomas Roth’s Pumpkin Enzyme Mask (£39.50 purchase here) is comparable to the Loreal Paris Pure Clay Glow Mask (£6, purchase here). Both of these have tiny exfoliating bits which remove dead skin cells and leave the skin glowy! Ofcourse the Pumpkin mask has added qualities but for the price difference, you can’t complain about the Loreal - it’s fab!

And I’m done... 

I hope you guys enjoyed an insight into my routine! If you have any questions, drop them into my ask box! love, sabrina x

[hanniiesuckle17]

Chapter 13: Bean

A/n: omg its so busy this month. but im still committed to this schedule so help me so!! how are you guys this week? anything cool happen to you guys this week? a lady with a macaw came into the shop this week so that was cool! anyway! Tag List is Open <3

Tag List: @woodiegochile @mini-meanhoe @leggomylino @hanstagrams @desertofdessert @hoes4hoseok @jeonqqin @geminirules @mrsunshine999 @jisungsjheekies @hannie-squirrel00 @cotccotc @kodzu-ken @konenichi @yangs-jeongin @binniebutter @orangegyu @little-precious-baby @raethethey @sofie296 @hongjoong-a-holic

RBTL Tag List: @bluejayboys @wonderlandless @introverted-stay24 @sunfics​ @deputyjuyeon​  @studioreader​ @yunho-1999​ @niafics​ @diestheticu​ ​​

Warnings: Cursing

WC: 1.2k

Summary: True love has never come easy; life makes sure of that. From unrequited love to missed timing, does anyone have any hope at finding success- let alone pass History at the same time? All these questions leave young people wondering….will they still love me in the morning?

❖

Third POV

Y/n’s cellphone buzzed-vibrating itself dangerously close to the edge of the table she sat at. The girl was still waiting for her tutor. Granted, she was almost fifteen early. With nimble fingers she flipped over the phone. A smile played at the corner of her lips.

Seeing the picture of her dad perked up her spirits, which even with her amazing sessions with Changmin, had been quite low lately. Quickly she answered the call. “Hi dad! What’s up? How are you?”

The deep melodic sound of her father’s voice felt like a comforting blanket, hugging her. “Hi, Bean!” Y/n smiled hearing the only slightly annoying nickname. The longer she was away from home and her parents she missed it. “I’m doing okay. Just got back from a doctor’s appointment with your mom.”

“How is she?” The momentary silence over the line told Y/n all she needed to know. Her grin was soon replaced with a tight lipped smile. “She’s having a good day. No need to worry.”

“But-”

“But, the doctor says it’s advancing quickly. He’s going to put her on some new medication. It’s still in trial, but he has hope.”

Y/n leaned against the palm of her hand. A sharp pain had begun to sprout at the top of her head. Experimental meds were not cheap- as she was already aware of. “Well-...that’s good! Just send the bill my way and I’ll take care of it, Dad.”

“Y/n, you shouldn’t have to pay for this.”

“Well I’m not going to just let you go back to work. Dad- you’re retired. Plus, who would take care of mom?” The silence form her father immediately made her regret the tone of her words. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to snap. I’ve just been really stressed with all the stuff with mom, and school, and I’m supposed to be meeting my tutor in a couple minutes.”

“You got a tutor?”

Y/n let a small smile crack her grim expression. “Yeah! His name is Changmin. He’s really smart and really sweet. A little shy-but he’s warming up to me.”

“Ji Changmin? Didn’t you go to school with him? His parents were lawyers or something. They lived up the block?” He laughed, a sound that Y/n had missed from her father. “How is he? He was quite the handsome boy last time I saw him. Is he still handsome?”

Y/n rolled her eyes. Her dad was always trying to get her on a date. He always said he wanted Y/n to find her Prince Charming. “I don’t know, Dad! I guess. Yeah- he’s kind of cute. But I’m paying him to help me- I’m not going to date him!”

He chuckled. Y/n could picture the way his eyes crinkled in the corner. She heard a voice on the other end and some scattered noises. “Hold on- your mother dropped something.”

The girl waited for a moment, phone still pressed to her ear as she looked around the coffee shop. She took a sip of the drink she ordered a while ago, still finding it pleasantly warm. Y/n had never been into this café before; too busy with classes or photoshoots. She found she liked the warm ambiance and the light streaming in through the big glass windows she sat by. Even on a cloudy day like today, the café felt bright.

“Sorry about that, Bean.”

“No-it’s okay I get it.”

Her father sighed, Y/n hearing the exhaustion he must feel. “Have you tried talking to Jacob?” She shook her head, momentarily forgetting her father was not sitting in front of her.

“About mom? No. I don’t want to bother him. He’s busy enough with his thesis.”

“What about Jessie or Julie? Who’s the guy you’re rooming with? The one who blew up the microwave we got you?”

“Eric? I think it’s pretty obvious why I haven’t talked to Eric.” The bell above the café door rang causing Y/n to look towards the entrance. Her eyes met the searching gaze of Changmin who sent a lopsided smile her way and waved. “Dad, I’ve got to go. Changmin just got here.”

“Okay, Bean! I love you! I’ll send you the bill when I pick up the prescription.”

“I love you too, bye.”

Changmin slid into the seat across from her, looking at the phone in her hands with question. He was silently hoping that the ‘I love you’ he had heard was directed towards an elderly aunt. “Sorry for being late! Who was that on the phone?”

Y/n shrugged, slipping her phone into her bag and trading it for her tagged journals and textbooks. “Oh, it was just my dad- checking in. Family stuff.” The boy noticed the brief moment of tension in her shoulders but ignored it for fear of diving into something too personal for the state of their relationship.

Changmin flipped his pencil between his fingers, watching the beautiful girl’s heavy shoulders sink and her eyes dart over pages to find where they had left off. He had always admired Y/n’s happy demeanor, similar to his own, but now he was starting to really get to know the girl. Now he wanted to know what was causing her the pain she was trying to hide. 

“Hey....do you wanna hear a joke Kevin told me?” She looked up at his words-slightly confused.

Y/n’s lips pouted a little before she nodded, setting down her pen and turning her full attention to the boy with the crooked smile. Changmin looked down before meeting her soft gaze. 

“So what’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?” Y/n’s brows furrows and a nervous smile crept onto her lips. She knew nothing about physics but she could see the glint in her tutor’s eyes and she couldn't help but wait for his answer expectantly. “Oops!” 

Changmin’s looked at her with a big grin, fingers reaching up to push his glasses higher on his nose. He watched the slow evolution of a bright smile work its way up her face. Soon her eyes crinkled with laughter. 

“That was so bad!” 

“Blame Kevin; he’s the physics major who told it to me.” 

Y/n’s gaze shifted down back to the textbook but a small chuckle left her lips. “I don’t think you need to borrow jokes from Kevin. I think you’re funny already.”

As she moved her focus up, there was something about the way she looked at him that made Changmin’s stomach twist into knots. His mouth became dry and it became hard to swallow. The look faded faster than it had appeared.Y/n sent him another brief look before opening her notebook and writing something down. 

“Changmin, are you blushing?” The boy’s hands flew to his cheeks which he found unreasonably hot. “Cute...”

“I-I’m not blushing! My drink is just hot okay!”

“You haven’t even ordered yet.”

“Shut up-okay!” Changmin kept pushing at his cheeks, hoping that would help calm the heat. Y/n pointed to a section in her book and the two began to discuss it. Quickly the pair of students were wrapped up in a conversation about history and how the Italian renaissance was totally not boring at all; the book just sucked at explaining it. 

Previous Chapter   ❖  Next Chapter

RBTL M.List

Masterlist

[taexual]

HOLIC - 49 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: angst (ONE LAST TIME, LET’S GO)

words: 4.7k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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Jaebum watched you for a while after you asked the question, the echo of your voice ringing inside of his mind. Seeing you after nearly a week was too overwhelming. He couldn’t focus on just one emotion that he was feeling and the urge he had to cross the room and approach you overpowered everything else.

“I don’t—” he tried, resisting his own heart in order to remain true to his mind. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

But even despite what he said, he remained frozen in the same spot, not closing the door and not walking away from you.

“Please,” you said, the stinging pain in your heart translating itself into words, “I need you to know what really happened. I’m not—I don’t want you to immediately forgive me and move on. I just want you to know a-and to understand.”

“Don’t I already know everything I need to know?” he asked but still moved to a side—just slightly but that was enough for you to slip into the lounge room, away from the loud music.

In the brief second that it took for you to walk past him into the room – your shoulder brushing against his chest gently – you thought you were going to suffocate. The smell of his cologne, his side profile and the twin moles above his eye that you’d spent countless mornings staring at, his close proximity and just him, as a whole, brought back every moment of the life that you’ve shared with him and you immediately understood that walking away from this life—away from him—was going to be a task you would never have enough strength to finish.

“No, not everything,” you said as he closed the door. The two of you were back to where you’d been so many times before – in your own lost, broken, and exhausted world that pulsed with pain and sorrow and desperation. “Y-you know about these events I had to do. Well, that was Jiho’s idea. He insisted the gallery couldn’t invest in me if I wasn’t popular enough. It was all about media play. I thought that sort of made sense but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to establish my career by having my pictures taken with him—”

“I get that,” Jaebum interrupted. He’d had enough time to analyze every single one of your cryptic and vague answers to his questions about how your exhibition was going. He managed to put the pieces together himself. “I understand that you were working on your career. It was a way to get your own exhibition, that’s fine. It’s good. But faking a relationship while—”

You protested immediately. “I wasn’t—”

“Please,” Jaebum looked away. The utter lack of emotion in his voice scared you far more than any possible outcome of this conversation could. “He took you to all of these places to stir shit up on purpose. To draw more interest to you because you and him were there together.”

It was starting to become obvious that you wouldn’t have to talk about what happened since you saw Jiho at the gallery out of town. Even despite not giving Jaebum the detailed breakdown – or any sort of details about what you did, really – Jaebum still seemed to know everything. In the time you’ve spent preparing the right words to say to him, you’d forgotten to give him credit for his unrivaled perception skills.

“But there was no relationship,” you said. “There never was.”

“Right,” Jaebum continued, the hollowness behind his eyes taking you back to the night you told him about Jiho. You could feel your hands start to shake just like they did back then. “Except you went along with all that he was feeding the media.”

That was true and that’s why you were unable to find an excuse. “I-I was doing it to get the exhibition—”

He scoffed. “Because there was no other way, right?”

“Yes!” you agreed, your voice growing desperate and borderline manic. “You’d have left me behind, otherwise. I’d have—”

“What?” Jaebum’s voice had risen, too. Your accusation had clearly taken him off guard. “How would I leave you behind? I—”

“Oh, come on, you were already busy with your company dinners with executives and your meetings about the upcoming single…” you said, not trying to sound accusing but feeling like you did anyway. Pausing for a quick moment, you tried to continue in a softer voice, “you’re already working on an album. I was just trying to catch up with you so we could do this together. Like we wanted to.”

He narrowed his eyes and did not find a way to form a sentence for a minute or two.

“Okay,” he finally said then. “Yeah, so that makes it better, right?”

“It—”

“No, no, stop, it’s—” one of his hands squeezed the bridge of his nose as he exhaled slowly. “I just—God. I took you with me to everything that I was going through. I told you about all of it—like you said. I’ve welcomed you into my life and actively tried to include you in every single thing that was going on with me. And not just in terms of my career. I mean every thing. And you—well, fuck, clearly, I don’t mean enough for you to—”

He started to pace around the room – all while avoiding your eyes – but you had a feeling that the creaking sound wasn’t caused by the old floorboards. It was the sound of your heart breaking.

“No, Jaebum,” you stopped him before he could finish the sentence, “t-that’s not it at all. I’m—I’m horribly afraid of hurting you or ruining the things between us and that’s why I didn’t tell you. This fear was—it just took control of all of my decisions. I’m sorry, I—I should have never kept quiet about something that was this big. I never meant to hurt you like that, I just genuinely—stupidly—thought that this was the only way for me to do this. I thought that if I could endure those events with him, it would ensure a future for me. For us. A happy, successful future.”

“That’s built on a lie?”

You blinked, his raw words ricochetting off the walls of the empty room and hitting your chest. “Built on—”

“—on you, selling yourself out to Jiho?” he finished for you.

“I wasn’t—Jaebum, please. I don’t like him, either. I hate him, really. Nothing ever happened between him and me—honestly, just the thought of something happening makes me want to tear my hair out in disgust. It’s just--at first I didn’t tell you about this to spare your feelings. You were in such a good mood, I never wanted to ruin that. And then I-I was scared because you’d started to drift away from me – you were telling me about all of these new opportunities, all of these new people. Imagine how much worse it would have been if you were making it in the world, and I was still scrubbing the walls at my gallery per Eva’s orders.”

You realized that no matter which direction you went in, your words still sounded accusing. But before you could express yourself more clearly, Jaebum was already groaning in exasperation.

“At least, I was telling you about my life!” he snapped. “You are the one who tried to leave me behind, in the end.”

“I—that’s—I didn’t mean to make it sound like you’re the one to blame here,” you said carefully. “I know I fucked up. I genuinely believed that everything would have worked out, eventually. I thought that I could host that exhibition and we could put all of this shit behind us, not having to focus on it at all. I thought I could completely erase the part of my life that involved Jiho while I was still living in it and only now do I realize how big of a reality check I needed. No one can live and attempt not to live at the same time.”

Jaebum didn’t speak but you saw his Adam’s apple move as he swallowed. You took this as your cue to continue and say the words you’ve come to say.

“I just… I couldn’t shake these thoughts that you would have started to feel bad about talking about your achievements to me if I wasn’t achieving anything myself – that’s why I went along with what Jiho offered. Otherwise, y-you would have kept quiet about advancing your career so you wouldn’t upset me and, maybe, you would have found someone else to talk to,” you said and noticed that he opened his mouth – evidently ready to protest – so you continued louder, not letting him cut in, “you’d meet a lot of other people, a lot of similar people – aspiring singers – and they would listen to you. They would understand. You’d feel sorry for me then, maybe even try to help me. We would argue just like we used to, only this time, it would be so much bigger. We would—”

“Alright,” he couldn’t listen anymore. “I get it. Okay? You did this for your career. I get it.”

He didn’t just say that to get you to stop talking about all the hypothetical ways in which your relationship would have reached its end. He truly did understand your reasoning and, in any case, he wasn’t this upset about your choice to pull a publicity stunt with Jiho. What bothered him this whole week was the fact that he didn’t even know about this choice. Your voluntary silence in regards to your career was what hurt him the most and, when he allowed himself to unclench his muscles and finally glance at you, you saw the repercussions it had on him.

He looked exhausted. Vulnerable. Hurt.

“I didn’t want to keep it a secret,” you said slowly, your voice breaking when you needed it to be strong the most, “but there was nothing I feared more than losing you. Every time I was supposed to see Jiho, I felt sick. Every time I had to smile next to him, I was just about ready to die. I regretted it every step of the way and I wanted to tell you about it. I knew you’d tell me that I didn’t have to do this – that I could find a different way – but I feared that the end result would have been the same. My inability to keep up with you would have created a bottomless pit between us. It was already looming in the distance.”

“How long did you think you were going to keep doing this with him?” Jaebum asked but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know the answer. Just this question, however, asked in a sensible tone, let you know that he was now hearing what you were saying and, as the gaps in the puzzle he’d pieced together began to fill, he was beginning to feel the tension in his chest recede.

“It was supposed to be just a few appearances,” you said. “He said it’d be good for me to make a name for myself but no one cared about that. I obviously wasn’t the first person he was dragging to these events and no one gave a shit about me. I was just his plus one.”

“So, why—”

“I finally decided to end this in the car on our way to Jackson’s event,” you began to respond, guessing what he was going to ask, “I knew this wasn’t going to work. I-I mean, it probably would have worked, eventually, but I’ve had enough. I didn’t want it to be like this. And then Jiho and I got into a fight and I got—I don’t know, confused? Distracted?—and I decided to wait until the end of the night before I told him I was done. I figured it’d be good for me to, at least, get to know some more relevant people before I gave up on everything I’ve been trying to work on.”

“But then Jackson ruined everything,” Jaebum pointed out.

You weren’t exactly sure how much Jackson had told Jaebum about your conversation but now didn’t feel like the right time to ask. You weren’t here to testify according to Jackson’s testimony. You were here to tell Jaebum the long-overdue truth.

“He didn’t ruin anything,” you said. “Jiho didn’t hear what Jackson and I talked about at that event.”

“Well, then what happened? How come we’re here?”

You took a deep breath.

“I ended it,” you said simply with a small shrug, “because I finally realized that none of this was ever going to be worth it. I ended it and then I quit my job at the gallery, too. I realized I’d made a mistake: I should have never stomped on all that I thought was right. I should have stuck with my morals. I realized where I was and what I was doing, and I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to talk to Jiho anymore, let alone work with him,” you could feel yourself fire up as you talked, the emotions that had taken over you too difficult to control, “I didn’t even want to host a stupid fucking exhibition anymore. I just—I wanted you. And I no longer cared if I would've had to rob a construction site so I could build my own fucking gallery from the ground up and have the damn exhibition there, all on my own terms. I no longer cared if the exhibition would never even happen. I think, for a moment, I was hoping it would never happen because I didn’t think I deserved it. Because it made no sense if I didn’t have you. Nothing made sense if you weren’t with me.”

Jaebum couldn’t find enough air in the room to fill his lungs.

“Y-you—but why?” he asked, breathless and completely distraught. “You could have kept going. Like you said, if you’d have endured him a little more, you could have had your own exhibition just like you wanted. Why tell me and break the deal with Jiho off—”

“Because I love you,” you cut him off and for the next minute, the two of you listened to the heavy silence of the room, hearing how, beat by beat, your hearts returned to the harmonious rhythm.

He didn’t say anything – he was afraid – and you didn’t think you’d manage to find the strength to talk either, but the look on his face pushed you to open your mouth.

“I-I love you so fucking much, I’d rather throw away my only shot at a successful future than lose you,” you said, very uncertain about breaking the silence but gradually growing more confident once you saw the old glimmer in Jaebum’s eyes return, “I love you so much, I can’t pretend to be a different person with a different set of values, because every step along the way, I know that you would never support me like this,” you dared to take a step closer to him and nearly tripped over your feet when he stayed still, not pulling away from you, “I love you so much, I would rather stand behind and quietly watch you drift away from me, further and further every day, than risk drowning our relationship for the sake of something as trivial as ambition.”

You were standing right in front of him now, the two of you breathing each other’s oxygen like you’ve done so many times before.

“That shit means nothing to me in comparison to you,” you said quietly, the corners of your eyes wet with tears. “I don’t want anything else. Not like that. Never like that. And I’m so fucking sorry it took me this long to see this. I’m so sorry I didn’t immediately—I’m really sorry. I’m sorry I hesitated for so long. I-I waited and waited until I started to feel as if I could either have my exhibition or you and, if that was the case, I didn’t care about the fucking exhibition. I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you.”

“F-fuck. You didn’t tell me. You kept quiet—”

“I know. Fuck, I know. And I’m sorry, Jaebum,” you kept going, repeating the apologies over and over as tears slid down your cheeks, leaving a glistening path of sorrow in their wake. Ignoring your own feelings, you focused on collecting all of the pain you’ve caused him. You’d have spent the entire night apologizing for every bit of it—no matter how small and irrelevant. “I’m so fucking sorry. I love you and I can’t think straight. I’ve never—you’re the only—fuck, I thought I was keeping it all to myself because I didn’t want to ruin your happiness. I don’t even know why that made sense to me—I-I’m sorry. I should have never kept you in the dark about this. I wanted—I want you next to me through everything I go through. I do, really, and I’m so sorry. I should have—”

“Please stop,” he asked shakily, “don’t apologize anymore. Please, just—l-let me kiss you. I can’t breathe.”

The words seemed heaven-sent -- you could almost hear a grandiose tune crescendo in the background but that could have just been your heart exploding -- and the speed with which your hands wrapped themselves around his neck as his lips found yours, stopped the earth from turning. The feeling of his body pressed against yours and every single touch of his fingers against your skin was filled with emotions so strong, it could have rearranged every star in the Milky Way.

You could hear the stars exploding in the night sky outside and you could taste the supernovas on his lips. You kissed him back, reading every painful memory he kept as your fingertips brushed against the shivering skin on the nape of his neck. You could feel the love for him burst in your chest, extending far into the other galaxies and returning right back, right to this empty room, where one single soul was beginning to patch itself back together again.

You never wanted to pull away and Jaebum held you like he wasn’t ever going to let you. His tongue slid under yours until the kiss was almost as deep as the love in his heart and as strong as his grip on your waist. He kissed you like he was never going to leave. Like everything was going to be okay.

When you pulled away, your lungs were heavy with the air you had both struggled to find in this room and your chests were full of the love you’ve held yourselves back from sharing. You leaned in, kissing him again – not taking the feeling of his lips against yours for granted but still not being able to get enough of him – and he stopped you from pulling away by kissing you harder because the thought of not having kissed you for so long suddenly hurt much more than anything else.

You were laughing when he broke the kiss to inhale, leaning his forehead against yours. His hands were still on your waist as if the only way to make sure that you were really here, was to hold you as close as possible.

“Y-you said you quit your job,” he mentioned after a moment, his eyes scanning every inch of your face to check how much of you has changed while he wasn’t there to see it. “Are you sure about that?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s okay. I’m looking for a new one,” you said and then could not resist adding, “maybe you can support a poor girl with the money you’ll get when your debut album goes platinum.”

Jaebum laughed and, for a quick moment, it felt like you’ve died and appeared right at the gates to heaven. The thought that you’d risked never hearing the sound of his laughter again was impossible to bear.

“Hey, but what about the bottomless pit, looming in the distance of our relationship?” he asked.

You hated the metaphor when you said it but you wanted to stomp it into the ground when he repeated it. He was probably never going to let the dramatic flair in your speech go but even the possibility of him mocking you for the rest of your life excited you.

“I spit in it,” you said, dead-serious. “And anyone who tries to get to us will be drowned in said spit.”

Jaebum frowned but the smile didn’t leave his lips. “That is disgusting and very violent.”

“Every time I end up almost losing you, I become more aggressive,” you confessed in a humorous tone but you weren’t joking about anything you were saying. “Watch out, I’ll kill a man for you one day.”

He laughed again – and the heavenly gates opened up even wider – shaking his head. “I hope that won’t be necessary.”

You cleared your throat, the moment’s banter broken by the heaviness in your chest that, frankly, might never go away despite how tonight ended.

“I hope so, too,” you said and your hands detached themselves from around his neck, sliding down his chest until you felt him reluctantly release your waist. You needed more distance if you wanted to tell him the things you’ve gotten too overwhelmed to say before. “I truly am sorry, Jaebum. I never ever wanted to keep any secrets from you, I—”

“I know,” he said almost reflexively. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

He nodded, agreeing with your disagreeing eyes. “Yeah, alright. It’s not. But I love you. I don’t know what’s okay anymore when it comes to you.”

The shivers that ran down your body after he said the three words seemed to buzz so loudly, you couldn’t hear your thoughts anymore, let alone think about the power you held over him.

“I… I’m scared of the lengths I might go in order not to lose your love,” you admitted slowly, your stomach clenching and twisting and turning as you said the words that seemed right but felt so terrifying. “I’m scared I might keep proving to be unworthy of it.”

Jaebum lifted his hands to reach yours – still resting on his chest – and he squeezed them, pressing them into his chest harder until you could feel his heartbeat.

“My love isn’t that noble of a thing,” he said.

“It is to me,” you insisted. “I know you don’t give it to just anyone and I hate to think that I almost proved to you that all of your fears about this – about us – were rational.”

You were afraid to look him in the eyes but he refused to speak if you weren’t.

“They weren’t rational,” he said once your gazes finally met.

“W-what?” you frowned. “But—”

“They never were rational,” he said, the beating of his heart accentuating every word. “There was never a legitimate reason for me to be afraid of what would happen to us next. I can’t be afraid of life. And I know that for certain now because you told me you loved me a-and you meant it. You’re the first person who told me that and meant it.”

“Jaebum,” you whispered, scared to talk louder than his heart was beating. “You will probably never meet a person who fucks up more than I do. I make mistakes so stupid, it’s impossible I haven’t accidentally killed myself yet. And I always realize that what I’m doing is wrong when it’s too late.”

He watched you before admitting, “I don’t see your point.”

“I love you but I don’t want you to feel like you owe me to love me back,” you confessed, getting your hands out from under his and dropping them to your sides. The words you were saying to him now were a permission for him to leave and touching him felt too much like holding him back from making a rational, sensible decision. “You deserve a relationship where you wouldn’t have to try so hard. A relationship where you would be treated right and would never have to overcome all of these huge obstacles in order to be happy. A-and I love you enough to leave if you tell me to leave.”

He didn’t respond right away and, for every second that he was quiet, the fear spread faster and faster inside of you. You would certainly go if he told you to but you were scared of how many pieces of yourself you’d leave with him when you walked away.

“God,” Jaebum finally said. “You do make painfully dumb decisions, that part was true.”

“I—” your eyebrows had risen as these weren’t the words you’d expected him to say. “Yeah, alright. I do.”

“If you left me, ever,” Jaebum said, “that would be the mistake you’d realize you’d made too late.”

You tried not to focus on the excited whimpering of your heart. “I-I just don’t want you to feel like—”

“You are indescribably thick—” Jaebum interrupted.

“Okay, now that stung a little—”

“—for ever thinking that I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he finished, taking your hands back into his so you wouldn’t cut him off again.

“Y-you…” your breath hitched, “you’d want that?”

“Of course,” Jaebum said, pulling you back closer to him as final proof that he was absolutely not going to let you leave. “No relationships sail smoothly from beginning to end. There are obstacles everyone has to overcome so they could be together in the end.”

“But these obstacles, they—they’re never this big for others,” you weren’t sure why you kept talking but it still didn’t feel like all was said and done. You’ve already made so many apologies about keeping secrets from him that it didn’t feel right to stop talking before you’ve truly said everything. “We’ve gone through so much and I’ve always been scared that you and I might have an expiration date. I don’t want to put you through any more suffering because of me, and, God knows, I can’t walk away from you but maybe being with someone shouldn’t be so hard.”

His grip on you only tightened.

“Maybe it shouldn’t,” he said. “But if it is, then you’re the only person I want to go through all of those hard times with. Maybe that’s my painfully dumb decision.”

You gave him a look. “Ha.”

“I love you,” Jaebum smiled, his voice sounding far less strained than it did when you first came here tonight as if a thousand pounds have been lifted from the inside of his throat. “And if this love is exactly what kills me, then, at least, I’ll die knowing that you love me, too.”

“I do,” you promised, smiling when he grimaced at his own choice of words. “Always.”

It was what he needed to hear. It was all that he needed to hear and he leaned in to capture your lips with his in a kiss that sealed the promises made here. 

Jaebum could recognize his own vulnerability when it came to you – not that it mattered when your lips were against his – and he was partially convinced that he’d already forgiven you long before you came to see him tonight. But the fact that you did come only proved to him that you were worthy of his forgiveness.

You would've had to be extremely naïve to believe that you'd immediately move past the weeks of silence and the days of pain. All of it might still return to haunt you in the future but it was okay because, with every shared kiss, the hurt and the pain would recede until, eventually, it’d turn into a memory. A memory that made you stronger.

You’ve made promises to each other tonight. Promises to fight together, even if sometimes you couldn’t help but return to your very roots and argue with each other instead. However, at the end of every fight, what you would truly be defending would not be your own interest or your own feelings. You’d be defending this relationship. Defending your heart and his heart, permanently tied together with rusty, tortured--and yet unbreakable--chains. 

You would have screamed, suffered, and sacrificed the whole world to keep his heart safe and he would have done all of that for you.

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[taexual]

HOLIC - 44 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: it’s just raw angst

words: 7.2k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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It only took you a few days to finish editing all of the pictures you’d taken of Jaebum that night. You ran them by him first – and smacked him when he tried to make you swear he’d always be your only model – and then emailed them to his agency. You still needed their approval so, even though Jaebum had insisted you take these pictures, it was possible that his employers were going to end up hiring someone else, after all.

Except, as you learned on your way to work that Friday, they didn’t. As it turned out, the only problem Jaebum’s producer had with the pictures you’ve taken was that he couldn’t choose one. It felt like the biggest compliment you’ve ever been told.

The entire day would have been wonderful – Fridays already carried a certain aura of just being plain great – had it not been for a text Jiho sent you right when you were wrapping up, ready to head home. Apparently, his old friend was holding an exhibition at one of the out-of-town galleries he’d worked with before so you needed to keep your Saturday free.

Grateful that he’d warned you—sort of—in advance this time, you texted back in confirmation and were surprised to learn that Jiho actually expected you to bring your camera to the exhibition. For a moment, you thought he’d found out you’d taken Jaebum up to the balcony and had completely stolen Jiho’s photoshoot spot, so he was now going to get back at you by taking your camera and locking it away or something equally as unrealistic. But then you realized that made no sense – even if he had learned about your impromptu photoshoot, why would he try to get back at you? You’d done nothing wrong. Quite the opposite, actually.

Getting the approval of Jaebum’s agency provided you with a huge boost of confidence that you obviously needed. They liked your pictures so much, they didn’t know which ones to use – that had to mean you were, at least, somewhat better than average at what you did. What was more, that had to mean that, perhaps, you’d been too pessimistic about the number of opportunities you would get to make yourself known. Maybe you wouldn’t have to completely rely on Jiho to get your name out there, after all.

In the time leading up to the exhibition you had to attend with Jiho that Saturday night, you couldn’t get the memory of the photoshoot with Jaebum out of your head. Taking pictures of him had been nothing short of wonderful. You both had fun – although you did nearly freeze your hands off – and just seeing him through the lens of your camera inspired you so much, you had come up with three new ideas for a photoshoot if this one didn’t work out. But it did work out. Not only did you thoroughly enjoy the photoshoot itself, but the end result was also splendid. You couldn’t have been happier.

However, ruining the utter bliss of your routine with Jaebum as the two of you munched on pizza in his bed that Friday night, you got a call from Hyojin who was demanding to see you immediately. Normally, you’d have turned any offer to go out down – there was simply nothing you’d have rather done that what you’d already been doing – but because she was one of your best friends and, frankly, she sounded absolutely terrifying on the phone, you forced yourself out of bed.

“Are you seriously leaving right when Johnny Depp discovers the—”

“Oh, no,” you stopped Jaebum by extending your hand in front of his face. “Just because you’ve seen Sleepy Hollow before doesn’t mean you get to spoil the ending for me. Or watch it without me. Pause it, I won’t be long.”

“That’s not the ending, it’s barely even the middle,” he mumbled, pausing the movie nevertheless. “And are you saying I’m going to have to stare at the ceiling while I wait for you?”

“It’s just fifteen minutes,” you said. “Jacob’s dropping her off in front of our building. There’s no way Hyojin will make him wait for very long.”

“Why is she coming all this way over here, anyway?” he asked, already knowing all about your friends and their boyfriends. “And, at this hour, nonetheless?”

“It’s nine on a Friday night,” you said matter-of-factly. “She was probably out drinking like normal people do. It’s just you and I who get drunk on a Monday night instead.”

Jaebum grinned at the jab. “Fair point. I’ve paused the movie for you – consider that when you’re out and don’t keep me waiting for too long.”

“I will keep your sacrifices in mind,” you leaned over to kiss him and then stumbled out of his bedroom, your jeans still only halfway on.

Hyojin hadn’t been to your neighborhood before and it showed – she had her boyfriend drive around the block three times before she called and got you to come to the building they’d eventually parked outside of. But even despite getting lost, she looked like she thought that coming all the way over here was worth it.

“It’s great to see you,” you told her after the two of you hugged hello. “But, seriously, what’s up? You’ve never driven this far for me before, usually we just—”

“No, I know,” she cut you off, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “But you need to see this. I couldn’t text you the link because, well, yelling at you over text is not the same as yelling at you in real life. So, here. Look.”

She pressed something on her phone and then passed it on to you.

From the looks of it, Hyojin had opened up a tabloid site – with some very bad formatting that warped the text in every second paragraph – but you didn’t get to check what kind of site because your eyes immediately caught Jiho’s name in the headline. And then your name following right after.

“Oh, shit,” you muttered under your breath, reading on.

The article seemed to be a quick recap of the dinner you’d attended with Jiho earlier this week. It was accompanied by some high-quality pictures of the people who were there – and thus, you realized that this wasn’t actually a tabloid site at all, this must have been a blog-like website by one of the dinner guests – but its’ main focus, without a doubt, was the “budding relationship between the most promising young photographer” – Jiho – “and his muse” – you.

“I’m not—this wasn’t supposed to—oh, fuck,” you tossed around helplessly, handing Hyojin her phone back. “How did you even find this?”

“I didn’t. Jacob showed it to me,” she replied, her face executing every sign that she was about to scold you good. “One of his friends from publishing was at that dinner, so he was showing Jacob the pictures and Jake thought he’d recognized you. Turns out, his friend was actually looking forward to meeting you. He’d referred to you as “Jiho’s girlfriend.”

“God, no, it’s not—”

“Yeah, I sure hope it’s not,” Hyojin continued, too fired up to let you finish, “because this implies that you’re still in touch with that asshat and, not just that, but you’re also dating him.”

You momentarily recalled your last conversation with May at Mark’s bar. Evidently, she’d kept quiet about the revelation that your entire future depended on Jiho, so Hyojin was completely in the dark about it all.

“I’m not. I swear, I’m not. I would never! Jaebum—he’s right upstairs, waiting—God, this is messed up,” you brought your hands over your face in an attempt to collect your thoughts so you’d finally form a coherent sentence. “Listen, you can’t tell anyone because I’m not sure if I’m allowed to speak about this – at least not to the press – but—”

“Well, go right ahead,” she urged, “I’m not the press.”

“Yeah, but Jacob is,” you nodded your head towards the car Hyojin had just stepped out of – or, perhaps, sprinted out of would have put it more accurately since she hopped right out, slamming the door shut before you even got a glimpse of her boyfriend.

“He’s not that kind of press,” Hyojin rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t care about some photographer that’s fresh out of the womb. No one does. No offense.”

You didn’t take offense – she was right. As Mark had pointed out in his bar the other day, the only people who cared about photographers were other photographers.

“Right,” you swallowed. “Well, this was Jiho’s idea. He thought I should get some exposure before my exhibition.”

Hyojin frowned. “Why does he get to decide that?”

God, you thought you appreciated May for not telling the rest of your friends about this – she must have thought you should have been the one to do that – but now you wished she had, just like she revealed the truth about who your roommate was. You’d planned to keep Jaebum’s identity a secret but ended up spilling it all to her while wine-drunk and, in turn, May had told the rest of your friends. If she’d done the same thing now, perhaps you wouldn’t have had to face Hyojin’s judgemental eyes.

“Because,” you closed your eyes, “it’s his gallery.”

“What?”

“Yeah,” you groaned, your fingers suddenly very drawn to your scalp and, particularly, ripping your hair out of it. “God, it’s a long story.”

“Honey,” your friend put her hand on your shoulders, a very determined expression on her face, “I’ve got all night.”

Jacob pulled his window down, having overheard her say this. “You really don’t, love. We have a movie to catch in half an hour. Hello, by the way.”

“Hey, Jake,” you gave him an awkward wave which he acknowledged with a nod and then slid his window back up, giving you and Hyojin some privacy – even though he could, clearly, hear everything from inside of the car anyway. “You should go, Jin. I swear nothing’s happening. His gallery reached out to me and offered me… something. It’s not just an exhibition, it’s a whole ton of other stuff, too. It’s a great contract, really. But before I get to lay claim to any of those perks, I have to become more well-known so that my first exhibition isn’t a complete bust. That dinner is a part of a-a PR stunt, you know? Like, we were supposed to appear together as two photographers, having dinner—”

“Is that not what you did?” she asked, interrupting you.

“It is, but—well, they’re calling me his muse,” you replied. “Not his colleague. So, that’s not exactly what was supposed to happen but, I guess, it’s still exposure.”

“Are you going to do something about this, then?” she continued.

“I don’t know what I can—”

“And what does Jaebum think about this wonderful stunt?”

Her questions already made it difficult to catch your breath but this last one seemed to punch you right in the lungs.

“He doesn’t know,” you wheezed out, not raising your eyes from the pavement.

For the second time that night, Hyojin’s jaw opened and froze in that position. “What?”

“N-no, I mean, he knows I’m doing these events for publicity,” you tried to explain, guilt flashing all over your face. “He just doesn’t know—”

“That they’re with Jiho?” she raised her eyebrows in an oddly accusing manner. “Babe, what are you doing?”

“I’m—”

She shook her head, choosing not to listen to another excuse. “You have to tell him.”

“I will!” you said, sounding far too exasperated. You’d already told everyone but Jaebum and the constant promises you made about telling him were starting to weigh down on your consciousness. “He’s just been so happy, getting that contract with an agency, and all. Everything’s going so well, it just doesn’t feel right to piss on his parade. He wanted this for so long.”

That sounded like an excuse and both of you knew it.

“Don’t think you’re doing him a favor by not telling him,” Hyojin reprimanded immediately.

“I know I’m not,” you said. “And I will tell him. Just not right this moment.”

“Well, if he sees the article, it will be too late, won’t it?”

“He won’t see it,” you said and then, after a moment of panic, added a fearful, “will he?”

Hyojin sighed. “Honestly, no, he probably won’t. The only reason Jake even saw that was because of that co-worker who showed it to him. There are probably, like, six people who read that website and I don’t think Jaebum is one of them. I hope that isn’t the kind of publicity Jiho meant.”

“I hope not,” you echoed. “Although it makes sense that no one cares about this. We’re irrelevant.”

“No, he had one thing right – people don’t care about these dinners but they do care about who’s dating whom, even if the people in question aren’t too famous,” she said. “Sex sells—”

Your eyes widened. “Sex?”

“You know what I mean,” she waved your surprise off. “People care about that shit. They want to know who’s sleeping with—”

“It’s just—just a few events,” you cut her off, just the mere mention of anyone assuming you and Jiho were having sex enough to send your stomach into a panicked frenzy. “Any publicity is good publicity, right?”

“Well, Jake would disagree but he’s not trying to become a celebrity. He just writes about them.”

“Right,” you nodded, allowing the looming awkward silence to finally engulf you both.

“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” Hyojin asked another uncomfortably long moment later.

“No. I’m not sure about anything,” you replied honestly. “But I want that exhibition and if that’s the only way—”

“You know it’s not,” she disagreed right away. “And, frankly, faking a relationship with someone doesn’t seem worth it.”

You continued to count the tiles on the pavement, feeling – and looking – like a scolded kindergartner. Any other time, you’d have felt like she just didn’t understand your situation. Merely a few days ago, you were convinced you weren’t good enough to find a place to host your exhibition some other way, but now you’d achieved a huge breakthrough with the pictures you’d taken for Jaebum. Now you believed in yourself a little – oh, alright, a lot – more.

“This isn’t long-term,” you decided to say. “It’s just a few weeks tops. That’s two or three more events and I’ve got another one tomorrow night. It’ll all be over before long: I’ll have my exhibition and then I can forget all about Jiho.”

“Hmm,” Hyojin had crossed her arms and was now looking decidedly skeptical. “And, I suppose, you’ll tell Jaebum about this another decade later, yeah? I don’t really understand why you—”

“I’m afraid,” you cut her off. She didn’t seem to understand why you sounded so agitated so, after sighing so deep, your whole chest began to ache, you explained, “I don’t want to lose him. I’ve already fucked up before and it lead to some hefty arguments. But that was before we were together, so they weren’t as significant.”

“When are arguments ever not significant?”

“Fine, they were significant,” you said. “But they never posed a threat to our relationship because there wasn’t one. And now that there is, I’m afraid that if we fight, it will break us up.”

“So, what, you’ll spend the rest of your life walking on your tip-toes, avoiding arguments with him because you’re afraid?” Hyojin asked. The more she talked, the less your words made sense to you. Suddenly, you couldn’t understand why you kept talking at all.

“No,” you said awkwardly. “No, that’s just stupid, I can’t avoid arguments with him for the rest of my life, but it’s so soon. We’ve only been together for, what, a few weeks, a month—”

“When did you move in with him?”

“I-I don’t know, a few months ago,” you blinked, not sure how this question was relevant. “Maybe three, three and a half—”

“Alright, so you’ve been with him for three and a half months, then,” Hyojin concluded.

“No, but we weren’t together before—”

“No,” she declared louder so she could talk over you – just like she seemed to do the whole night tonight. “No, babe. Every argument you’ve had with him since the day you moved in was equally as significant, and yet, not a single one posed any threats to your relationship. Not-a-single-one, you hear me? Because, from what you’ve told me, you and him have gotten pretty intense with each other before and yet, neither of you moved out. Not even when you didn’t think you were going to end up together. You have some real stuff between you, you know what I mean? The kind of stuff that can’t be broken by arguments… but might get irrevocably stained by secrets.”

You didn’t have a response to give her and sighed instead but Hyojin understood everything you couldn’t say just from your breath.

“You don’t want to do this with Jiho, either,” she said gently. “So, don’t put yourself through something you don’t want to do. Do it your way. So what if it takes longer?”

It wasn’t the first time someone had said that to you and it certainly wasn’t the first time that you considered the weight of these words. They were heavy but that was the case with the truth – it weighed you down until you could barely move.

“We said we were going to do this together,” you whispered under your breath, the engine of Jacob’s car nearly drowning your words out. “So, if I don’t do this, I’ll just have to watch him walk away from me.”

“Walk away from—honey, no,” Hyojin sighed, wrapping her arms around you, her sweet perfume so familiar, you almost started to cry. “He wouldn’t.”

“He wouldn’t have a choice,” you insisted. “That’s how life works sometimes. I don’t want it to. I don’t want him to—I just want us to do this together.”

“And you will,” she promised, pulling away slightly so she could look at you. “But maybe at different speeds. But who the hell cares? You were together before fame and you’ll be together after. You’ll wipe your stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame together and then walk into the sunshine, hand-in-hand. Who cares if you’ll host your exhibition a month, or a year after he releases his album?”

You cared, sniffling as you refused to meet her eyes. “A lot can happen in a year.”

“And a lot will,” she nodded. “But you two had already gone through so much, you might as well go through a little bit more.”

“What if that’s where the breaking point is? What if we don’t have a year—”

“Sweetheart,” she stopped you, suddenly grave serious. “What if I reach down inside of you, grab that paranoia of yours, and strangle it so it no longer bothers you, hmm? That would save us all a lot of time.”

You couldn’t control the snicker that passed your lips and got Hyojin to smile as well.

“Go back,” she told you then. “And don’t forget where you’re going, okay?”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean? Where am I going?”

Hyojin smile meaningfully. “You’re going home.”

Hyojin’s last words helped you more than you’d realized at first, and you woke up the next morning with a decision – tonight was going to be the last event you’d attend with Jiho. Once it was over, you would sit him down and tell him that you had to find another way because you simply couldn’t approve of this one. He’d have to agree to let you host your exhibition right now and not “when you were more popular.” You’d tell him about the pictures you’d taken of Jaebum and how much his agency liked them if he refused to listen to you.

And then, if he’d agree, you’d go home, talk to Jaebum, host your exhibition, and live happily ever after. And if he wouldn’t, you’d still go home, talk to Jaebum, and find a way to live out your happily ever after without getting your exhibition.

You hoped for the former but, as you applied your make-up for the night, you braced yourself for the latter. You knew that the chances of Jiho agreeing to just cut straight to your exhibition were slim – you and him were only seen together twice; surely, that wasn’t going to be enough in his eyes – but you trusted your ability to sound convincing. He’d insisted the gallery wanted you for your potential, so, maybe he’d fight harder to hold on to you and agree to your terms, after all.

In the end, whatever happened tonight, this was going to be the last time you were out with Jiho for publicity.

You nearly blacked out when, after leaving a note to let Jaebum know you were off to a photography event, you walked out of your building and saw Jiho step out of a limousine. A sleek black limousine – as if you two were headed to your wedding or something.

“W-what is—” you began but didn’t get to finish before Jiho’s bright laughter cut you off.

“I thought we’d arrive in style! What do you think?” he asked. You thought he was a lunatic. “Attract some more attention, hmm? Come on, get inside – got your camera? Good! – there’s champagne.”

You felt like you’d just skipped through, at least, three chapters of your life when you climbed into his limousine. Who were you, exactly, to have this expensive ride with undoubtedly equally as expensive glass of champagne thrust into your hand as soon as you sat down?

It was impossible to understand what was happening – although, from the laid-back way Jiho was acting, you’d have thought he took the limo to go to work and do his grocery shopping, so this wasn’t weird to him in the slightest – and, what’s more, it was impossible to figure out what would happen next.

As it turned out, what happened next was silence. Jiho was texting someone on his phone, so the only sound in the car was the rapid click-clacking of his fingers against his screen and the ever-so-often sip of champagne. You, on the other hand, refused to drink and remained completely quiet and overly alert the entire ride. When thrust into a situation you’ve never experienced before, it was probably best to stay sober and aware of your surroundings.

Once the limousine stopped – tossing your heart from your chest to your heels – about fifty minutes later, Jiho finally put his phone away and turned to look at you.

“Here’s the plan,” he declared in a way that made it seem as though you two were about to rob a bank Bonnie-and-Clyde style. “I didn’t tell you to bring your camera just so people would know you’re a photographer. That will come up anyway. I asked—”

“Will it?” you cut him off reflexively.

“What?”

“Will it come up?” you repeated, deliberately this time. You had decided to tell him you didn’t want to do this – even though he had to know that himself already – and you were going to stick with that decision. “Because, judging from the article written about us after the dinner, I’m not actually a photographer at all. I’m just a girl on your arm.”

Jiho, for some reason, hadn’t expected you to have read the article. Once the initial surprise wore off, however, he looked pleased that you’ve seen it and was almost inclined to ask who’d shown it to you. Clearly, you had your own sources and he was all the more curious to know who they were.

“Right, but that’s where it starts,” he insisted. “Slowly, more and more people will stop focusing on the fact that we’re together and, instead, will start to focus on us as individuals. I mean, come on, there are only so many speculations that can be made about the relationship of two people. Sooner or later, people are bound to get bored.”

“If they’re bored, they’ll ignore me and focus on you,” you said, “and I will still be the girl—”

“Quit thinking I’ll be quiet through it all,” he cut you off, showing you, for the first time since you’ve met him, that he also had the ability to get annoyed. “I’m doing this for you—for the gallery. Obviously, I will do everything in my power to make it clear that we are both photographers. Hence your camera here, tonight. I want you to capture this event from your own point of view. I will use one of your pictures in my review of tonight’s exhibition – with proper credit, of course – and that’s how everything will kick off.”

You bit your lip, looking down. If he’d told you of this plan earlier, perhaps you’d have felt less revolted riding this limousine with him. Still, though – was the expensive car so necessary?

“Fine,” you said, choosing to leave the conversation about how you wanted to finish doing these events until after the night was over. You were sort of an expert at postponing potentially complicated conversations. “Let’s just get this over and done with.”

Jiho smiled in response – the smile, that was most likely fake, looked so real that you started to wonder if he’d been faking this nice exterior the whole night tonight – and, opening the door of the limo with one hand, extended his other one to you.

“What do you want me to—”

Not waiting for you to start questioning his motives again, he took your hand against your wishes, and helped you get out of the car. There were three people taking pictures of the guests arriving at the exhibition and all three of them suddenly had their cameras on you and Jiho, eager to capture you two stepping out of the car, hand-in-hand. It was almost blinding and most surreal.

“Good to see you, Jiho!” one of the photographers hollered, his flash going off every two seconds. You were sure you had your eyes closed in every single picture he took. “Is that the missus?”

You cringed – but hoped it wasn’t too noticeable – and tried to pull your hand out of Jiho’s grip now that you were out of the car, but he didn’t let you.

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jiho replied sneakily, shooting a wink in the direction of the camera. “I’m here to have a grand night, admiring the artwork of a dear friend with a dear friend.”

“Is she just a friend, then?” another one asked. You felt yourself clutch the camera in your hands tighter in hopes of drawing more attention to it. “A close friend, perhaps?”

“She’s all of that and a lot more,” Jiho replied and you felt a cold wave wash over your entire body at his words. “And she’s one of the most talented young acts I know. Careful, boys, her pictures tonight might just overshadow yours.”

“We’re looking forward to it, Jiho!” the photographer said as Jiho lead you inside. Your feet were nearly frozen solid. “Have a great night!”

“You, too!” Jiho wished with a gentle wave of his hand and the two of you finally escaped the cameras by entering the building.

As soon as the photographers were behind you, you pulled your hand out of Jiho’s a little more forcibly than you’d intended and gave him a horrified look.

“What the hell are you saying to them?!” you demanded, not even trying to keep your voice down. “You told me you’d leave our relationship up for speculation and then you went ahead and—”

“And what?” he snapped, your sudden outrage frustrating him much more than your persistent doubts in the limo did. “What was it that I said to them that wasn’t precisely that? I’m planting the seeds of doubt—”

“You’re planting rumors!” you disagreed vehemently. “Do you really think they’ll care about my photographs now that you’d made it seem as if we’re together? As if we’re in love?”

“Of course, they will—”

“They couldn’t care less about that shit!” you continued, noticing how each swear word out of your lips made Jiho cringe and look around to see if anyone heard. “All that their cameras focused on was you holding my hand. I’m nothing to them—”

Jiho cut you off by taking a threatening step towards you, his face dangerously close to yours as he whisper-yelled through clenched teeth, “how do you expected to be something when you haven’t done anything? Popularity is earned. I’m earning it for you so show more gratitude and stop making a fucking scene.”

He stepped away a second later and, if you hadn’t been there, listening to him curse and put you down, you probably wouldn’t have believed it. Jiho was a fantastic actor, truly – the way he kept his composure around you all of this time was admirable. But there had to be a reason why you were so adamant to get away from him at all times; clearly, it wasn’t just because you’d misunderstood his intentions the first time you met him. It was also because somewhere deep in your subconscious, you figured he was just playing a role of Jiho, the sweet and eager-to-help photographer, while his real personality was buried deep underneath.

Well, you’d caught glimpses of his real face just now and, when he told you to straighten up and proceeded to wrap one hand around your waist to enter the exhibition hall, smiling as if you hadn’t just argued, you knew that the decision to drop everything, cancel the contract, and find another way to get your name out there was the right one.

“Jiho, I—”

“Shh,” he hushed sharply. “I need you to stay quiet right now. I’m looking for the host, I’m going to introduce you and then off you go, taking your pictures. Got it? I’m not in the mood to talk to you right now.”

“Me neither. I was just—”

His grip on your waist tightened. “What did I just tell you?”

His voice sounded like it came straight from hell and yet, instead of feeling intimidated, you felt incredibly relieved. You weren’t wrong, Jiho may have just been the devil incarnate with some very well-trained – albeit pretend – manners.

You stayed quiet, allowing him to search for the host of the night because you figured that if you had to end the night without a contract – you didn’t think it was possible that Jiho would agree to cut short to your exhibition instead of just dropping you right away – then it’d be great if you would get to meet a few more influential people beforehand. They probably weren’t going to help you out, knowing their relationship with Jiho, but it wouldn’t hurt to have them learn your name.

As soon as you shook the hand of the photographer whose pictures hung on the walls of the hall around you – your face hurt from all the fake smiles already, even though you’d only been here for less than twenty minutes – something happened that made you regret leaving your house tonight even more. You should have bolted in the opposite direction as soon as you saw the limousine approach, really.

“Hello,” an awfully familiar voice sounded next to you. You thought you experienced what falling from the twentieth story of a skyscraper must have felt like when you turned around to meet Jackson’s eyes. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Oh. H-hey,” you choked out, painfully aware of Jiho’s hand still on your waist. “I’m here with—”

“Hello,” Jiho turned around as soon as the host of the exhibition walked away. You may have feared Jaebum meeting Jiho but you couldn’t even begin to imagine what was going to happen when one of Jaebum’s best friends met him instead. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m—”

“Could you excuse us for a moment?” Jackson asked, his hand coming to rest on your waist instead.

Taking advantage of Jiho’s confused features, Jackson pulled you away from him and – before you could protest – walked you to the closest bathroom he could find, closing the door behind you.

“I’m sorry for cutting it straight to the chase,” he spoke as calmly as he could given the situation, “but, shit, who the hell is that?”

“T-that’s Jiho. He’s—”

“A scumbag that’s about to get his ass kicked, I hope?” Jackson finished for you. “What are you doing here with him?”

“I’m—God, it’s a long story,” you said, the exhaustion you’ve felt since you signed the contract showing in your voice. “I’ve signed a deal with his gallery, so I have to—”

“Does Jaebum know you’re here?”

“Jackson—”

“Because, I swear to God, I have no idea what you’re doing but I—”

“Jackson!” you said louder, suddenly afraid of the fire behind his eyes. He looked frantic. He looked like he was going to knock Jiho out right after he left the bathroom and his hand was already reaching for the door handle. “Please listen, I’m just—I came to the exhibition. I’ve signed a contract with a gallery Jiho represents and I need some exposure—”

“Some exposure?” he frowned, the look on his face depicting every frustration you were feeling inside. You were afraid to look him in the eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I can’t host my exhibition while no one knows who I am,” you answered. “I need to—”

“That’s bullshit!” Jackson snapped. “How are you supposed to get exposure without hosting any exhibitions? Did he convince you this was a good idea?”

“No, I don’t think this is a good idea, I—”

Jackson threw his hands in the air, startling you. “Well, then what the fuck are you doing here?!”

“I’m trying to get my name out there!” you replied in agitation. Jackon’s accusing tone and the questions he was firing at you confirmed that your raised voices in this bathroom were going to be nothing in comparison to the storm this would cause with Jaebum. “Fuck! I’m just—I’m trying to get some publicity. That was part of the contract.”

Jackson scoffed. “That guy has you pressed against his side like you’re his trophy wife. I don’t know what kind of publicity you’re seeking but I can assure you, this isn’t it. Jaebum—fuck, is he on board with this?”

You almost flinched when he mentioned Jaebum again.

“Of course he’s not—actually, uh, he doesn’t know the—”

“He doesn’t know?!”

To say that Jackson was appalled would have been an understatement.

“He doesn’t know the details!” you tried to explain, feeling yourself tear up but desperately trying to remain calm – or, well, as calm as you could with Jackson looking at you like you’d just killed your way through the West Coast. “He knows I have to attend these events for a little while, he just—I didn’t tell him about Jiho. The three of us go way back, he hates the guy.”

“Oh,” Jackson said in an uncharacteristically high-pitched voice. It was scary to hear his deep, somber tone take such a sarcastic chirp turn. “So, that makes all of this better!”

“It doesn’t,” you tried. “And I’ll tell him—”

“Like hell, you will.”

“W-what?”

“If you hadn’t told him yet, clearly, you’re not that eager to tell him at all,” he stated.

“No, I want him to know,” you insisted but you weren’t sure if you meant it. Hearing Jackson voice your real intentions was the ultimate turning point and every single ounce of guilt came pouring out of your eyes in tears. You really didn’t want Jaebum to know. “I-I just don’t want to fight with him about this—”

“Then maybe don’t do this!” Jackson continued, still as loud as before but gentler now that you started to cry, “if you’re doing something that’s going to start a fight with your boyfriend when he finds out, then you’re probably stepping out of line in a major way, don’t you think?” he paused as soon as he realized how riled up he was. He brought his hands through his hair to calm himself down. “God, I’m sorry, I can’t—I seriously have a hard time understanding this. W-why did you think this was a good idea? How the hell did you think faking a relationship with someone was going to go under your own boyfriend’s radar?”

You sniffled, trying to focus on your breathing so you wouldn’t sob out loud, “I’m not faking a relationship—”

“Oh, okay, well, don’t worry about that – that guy out there is doing it for you,” Jackson countered.

“No, I—this,” you felt yourself hiccup, “it w-wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“Fuck, what was it supposed to be like?” Jackson asked. “Because last time I was on the phone with Jaebum, he was in my studio, writing a fucking song about you. I definitely didn’t think I’d hang up the phone, turn around, and see his girl walk right past me with another guy.”

You barely had enough time to process what he had just said when a knock came on the bathroom door.

“Is everything alright?” Jiho’s voice called out. “I hate to bother you but we should probably get back out here. We’re here for your benefit, after all.”

“In a moment!” you replied through a stuffed nose. Jackson sighed, his hands on his hips and his eyes focused on the floor. The fact that he couldn’t even look at you felt like a whole new stab of pain. “Look, this is the last event I’m doing. I’m ending it tonight. If they won’t let me host an exhibition, I’ll find another solution. I won’t do this anymore.”

You wiped the tears from your cheeks and tried to steady your breathing.

“How many events like this have you done already?” Jackson asked another moment later. He may have been angry with you but he hated to have been the reason why you started to cry.

“Just a few, it hasn’t been that long—”

“And how long were you planning on doing this for?”

“N-not long,” you said, your breath hitching again. You exhaled slowly before finishing,  “ideally, I want to end this tonight.”

“But you’ll still work with him – with a guy who’s obviously very interested in making the public think he’s dating you – and Jaebum will still not know about it, is that what you’re planning?” Jackson continued, watching your eyes fill with tears again but not being able to stop himself. He’d have put his life on the line for his best friend and it was starting to feel like that was exactly what he was doing right now because he knew he was going to wish he was dead as soon as this blew over. The sight of you crying because of the things he’d said was too awful to bear. “Jaebum will come to your exhibition, not having the slightest clue that there’s a guy who’s—”

“I’ll tell him!” you shouted desperately, pain spilling from your eyes without the slightest intention of stopping. “God, I will! I’ll tell him everything.”

“Will you? Will you, really? Because he’s my best friend. I can’t just stand here after I learned about the shit that he doesn’t know but should know. Fuck. I think you’re great, I really do. And, God knows, I’m so sorry I’ve made you cry tonight,” he added and then, even despite all that he’d just said, stepped closer to provide you with some comfort by carefully wrapping his arms around you, “I think the two of you are perfect for each other but, fuck…” he sighed after hearing you sob against his shoulder, “you know his heart better than I do, but even I can tell that you’re walking dangerously close to breaking it.”

“I wouldn’t,” you whispered, pulling away from him to look him in the eyes. “I couldn’t. I would never, I-I—”

“I know you probably don’t mean it,” he said softly, releasing you. “But he’s going to hate the fact that you’re keeping this a secret.”

“I know he is,” you nodded, stepping away from him and sniffling before slowly bringing your index fingers under your eyelids. Your make-up was most definitely destroyed but that was the least of your worries right now. “That’s w-why, the longer I stay quiet, the harder it gets to find a way to tell him.”

He sighed again. “You know someone has to.”

“J-Jackson, I—”

“Just go, okay?” he asked, turning away from you and resting his hands on the sink, his head hanging low. It was you who felt beyond ashamed and yet he looked like he was the one making the biggest mistake of his life. “That guy’s waiting for you out there.”

“Please, I’ll tell Jaebum about this, I just—”

“Go,” Jackson repeated. “Please.”

You reached the door but turned around as soon as the last tears slid down your cheeks. You waited for him to turn around to look at you but he wouldn’t.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” you said slowly, the ball in your throat from the tears and the pain and the guilt suffocating you. “I love him.”

Jackson whipped his head to face you. “Does he know?”

Looking down again, you didn’t even dare to shake your head – and you didn’t have to, Jackson knew the answer already. This was another thing you’d never gathered the courage to tell to Jaebum.

Jackson looked away again and, after another torturous moment, you dared to exit the bathroom, closing the door behind you and feeling yourself tear up yet again as soon as you saw Jiho’s polished shoes.

“What was that about?” he asked you right away.

“Jiho,” you said sternly, your vision clouded with tears. You thought you saw him take a small step back in shock once he saw your puffy red eyes. “I won’t do this anymore. I need an answer right now – can I host my exhibition at your gallery or not? Because if not, I’m ending the contract right this moment.”

“Well, of course, you can,” Jiho replied, surprised. His fake face was back on and you wished nothing more than to claw it off. “You just need a little bit more exposure and—”

“No,” you shook your head. “I don’t like this. I didn’t like the article written about us, I didn’t like what you told those photographers out there, and I don’t like the fact that we’re, essentially, pretending to be in a relationship. I’m not—I don’t want to do that. Either, I host the exhibition now or I’m leaving.”

“Well—that’s—where is all this coming from? I thought we’d reached an agreement. You’re so close to—”

“The only thing I’m close to is ruining the only thing that makes sense in my life,” you were the one who kept cutting him off this time. It was nice to have the upper hand for a change even if you had a feeling it would backfire. “So, tell me right now: will I have the exhibition at your gallery or not?”

“I-I can’t give you an answer immediately,” he replied. “I need to check in with the gallery and we need some time to consider this.”

“Okay. Consider it, then,” you said, exhaling shakily as you turned around towards the front door of the hall. “And give me an answer as soon as possible.”

“Wh—right, but where are you going?”

You didn’t stop as you answered curtly, “I’m going home.”

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