#i mean it wasnt planned that one day i will cry because of this show

[pixiecaps]

recapping a bit of what haru said on stream

haru on her stream spoke about how shes had a really awful past five years and all her experiences just from this past year has been incredible. she gave a massive thank you to everyone and that she has no regrets.

“i never imagined i’d be where i am right now and i mean it with all my heart thank you so much. i had a very good time and i hope to have made you guys happy.”

she mentioned that since she was young shes always wanted to make content that makes people happy because she felt the world was missing a lot of love so shes happy to have given the world a piece of her heart. she mentioned how shes met so many incredible people who motivated her to see the good parts of life. to have found even this little bit of sunshine has left her so grateful. she says thank you for all the kindness, all the moments, all the memories, all the words, everything. shes very happy and mentioned this has been a very special experience for her. she reminded her chat that theres always another day and to enjoy life to the maximum, to live, to love, to talk, to hug each other, to be happy always, and that all the beautiful happiness we’ve given her will be returned back to us. she continues to express her gratitude. she mentioned this is one of the most beautiful communities shes ever had the pleasure of meeting in the entire world. she goes on to include the spanish, portuguese, french, english, german, and korean community in that statement.

“there is love in all types of languages and that love needs to be shared.“

she said her words will never be enough to express all her gratitude. she gave a reminder to always keep being kind. her voice falters a couple times from all the emotions. she mentioned shes cried enough and didn’t want to keep crying since she had something to do tomorrow and she didnt wanna have swollen eyes lmao.

she then shares a more personal moment. paraphrasing here.

“after i lost my dad i swear i felt like my life was falling apart. i never thought i’d be able to recover. after that many things happened and in those things, i wasnt destined to meet two people, this is a story i’ll always remember because i wasnt destined to meet these people. … they tell me hey the actor for this little thing didn’t show up and i say no way seriously? tell them to let me be it, tell them please because i want to be with you guys (harus two friends who were apart of the project). and i didnt think they’d agree… and they said yes. and i met two very important people and honestly (starts crying) thank you so much. thank you so much nussa. thanks to you i was able to meet them. i never imagined this would happen i promise you. thank you nussa. it means a lot to me that you decided to put me (into the leo spot). the only major thing in my life, i started being so happy, i started enjoying all the moments in my life as if it were the last, thanks to all this i’m here. and could meet you all. such a beautiful community.” she goes on to keep thanking nussa while crying and saying it was written in the stars. she goes on to say that shes gonna tell this as a story some day to her family, who doesnt know what she does or that she streams, and she’ll tell them about all of this with so much care and love. shes very thankful to have learned so much english and more about so many different cultures. she again reiterates shes very happy.

she also teases that she wants to go to brazil!!!! which… might be soon… and that theres little things being planned so hopefully if all goes well…👀 (an egg admin meetup would go so hard)

NOW GO SUPPORT HER ON TWITCH @ HarumiVT

[aquaquadrant]

aqua. aqua the. the chapter. aqua. ohooohm my gosh. th. if. if he cant have. the sun. he'll learn to love his shadow. ohhhhm y gosh. i i wasnt expecting a chapter for. like. forever, literally began to cry as i saw that there was a new chapter outta nowhere!!!!?!?!?!!??!!???!!!!! i am deranged. also. also etho loves. he loves the jungle. his. his favorite biome is the jungle. his favorite biome is the jungle it's one singular passing line but my attention has fixed onto it. h. he lov,es th,,e jungle,,,, its!! pathbubs crumbs!!!! i miss them!!! once again you've absolutely outdone yourself <3

ahem, back to normal- first off, i was wondering if you had any plans to implement angst regarding timmy finding out that bravo thinks of him as like, the second-best version of him? because while 'if he cant have the sun, he'll learn to love its shadow' could be quite sweet its also heeeeelllllllla toxic on bravos part. for timmy to find out that bravo thinks he's jimmy's lesser version and that he's only helping him/being friends with him/having a relationship with him because bravo couldn't have jimmy and is settling would be an Absolute punch to the gut... i mean timmy already has enough misery and trauma looming over him about to strike (please let my boy be okay in the end <3 i am... very worried. if jimmy is my son then timmy is my favorite traumatized nephew whomst i will shower with gifts and candy) but y'know,, just somethin to think about :)

oh! Also! you already have so many tasty parallels in htp (seriously, i am unhinged, as to say i am No Longer Connected To The Door Frame), but at the point where jimmy and tango were being restrained and jimmy mentioned almost choking on blood and then that he should've killed himself to spawn back at the ranch, i was totally thinking you'd parallel how tango escaped hels tek with jimmy choking on the blood,,,,,, then again, maybe the parallel went unfilled because jim's in a much more hopeful situation than tango was- a bunch of lethal and very pissed friends to defend him, nice home, etc.. yeah. And one more thing: kudos and applause and hip hip hoorays that you didn't choose to implement misunderstandings and have Jimmy even once doubt Tango or stop fighting for him. I for one have had quite enough of misunderstandings just for the sake of drama, and although tango's not the best at communicating, he's got unresolved trauma, and jimmy, thank the stars, does not jump to conclusions and instead trusts Tango and waits until more information is revealed. thank you so, so much for that. we love healthy relationships here <3 (*looks at bravo and timmy*)

Amazing writing as always, hope my deranged ramblings were at least clear to read, and i hope you have a stellar day! 💫✨⭐️

SAAAAALT THANK U i’m so glad u enjoyed it. the fact that etho’s favorite biome is the jungle is my favorite fun fact abt him bc then bdubs went and got all jungle-possessed in s5 and it just works SO well together :3

oh don’t you worry about the upcoming timmy angst. there will be Plenty. it will get worse before it gets better.

PARALLELS. YES. i’m always looking for opportunities to throw those in and it’s nice when they get picked up on.

and YEAH see i felt like if some total stranger showed up and accused tango of all these horrible things, it wouldn’t make sense for jimmy to believe him? and especially not the hermits, who’ve known tango for nearly ten years at this point. so really, the only one taking bravo’s words to heart is tango. he might not have been very mentally present but you best believe he heard every word :)

[endious]

UMM I NEED TO SEE HOW YOU PORTRAY LIU PLS AND THANK YOU

imma be real with you im in love with the idea of what liu COULD be but have never cared to actually look into his story or whatever SO ? we are going based off vibes my twisted mind has created. whether it makes sense or not or isnt “liu” or whatever I DONT CARE ! i havent put any dedication or thought into any character besides jeff LMFAO so i am struggling to grasp my idea of liu’s character. i’ll def work on it though in the future methinks

liu has aggressive moments with you. he doesnt exactly mean to be so rough but its so damn difficult when you refuse to talk to him or when you stare for too long at the stitches and scars on his face. stop staring at him like that. stop it. stop.

it’s a red blur for him when he becomes someone he “isnt”. your cries, begs for forgiveness and apologies falling from your lips breaks his heart after he’s calmed down and all that’s left is broken objects, his knuckles bare and bloody and your body trembling on the floor and shaking with sobs as you tell him you’re sorry over and over like a broken record. it hurts liu to see you like that, it wasnt him that did it.. it couldn’t be him. liu wasnt like that. that had to be someone else— sully is who he called his bursts of anger. maybe he really did become a totally different person when provoked like his brother would claim way back in the past. maybe he really did morph into a monster from time to time but it was not liu and dont you ever try to say it was. just nod your head and agree to whatever he says because its best that way. things always go smoothly when you obey and comply and he’s happy when you do so why dont you just stay that way.

liu tries to hold you often at night and gets irritated when you tense up or try to pull away from his eerily warm touch. “it’s just me. why are you so scared?..” it takes a lot to run his patience out too. he wants to give you multiple chances to fix your mistakes and he wont immediately bash your head into the closest object like jeff would. liu likes to claim he is very caring, just like mom always was towards him. he’s trapped in his own sick fantasy of living a happy life with you to the point where he will ramble to you about all of his thoughts and ideas and plans for you to the point where it makes your skin crawl over some of the things he’s said. one time he mentioned wanting to cut a piece of your hair off so he could smell it and be reminded of you when he’s not with you. another time he said he wanted to slice off some of your skin and keep it forever so it’s like you’re always with him when he has to leave. and another time he whispered how badly he wanted to cut your stomach open, pull your guts out and crawl inside of you. it’s insane the terrible things he’s said and thought were surely “romantic” but only left you sleepless and fearful for your life.

liu plays this pretend dream on loop and it’s best if you go along with it. accept his “love”, accept his thoughtful “gifts”, accept and thank him for keeping you “protected” from the bad men that want to take you from him. you’ll start spiraling too along with him. as much as you fight it and try to stay determined on keeping your sanity, it’s difficult when a man that pretends to be sane and shows you twisted acts of affection starts to make your mind slip a little deeper into that darkness with each passing day chained up in a bedroom of a unfamiliar home. and how giddy he feels when you start to give in to his touches and words. but if you tried to get away? if you managed to escape his tight grip on your life? you’re a dead fucking girl because liu will cry and scream in agony for days before anger boils over in his veins and it wont be liu who finds you, oh no it will be sully who begins his mission of retrieving the lost little lamb who led herself astray in the dangerous dense woods.

[bish-0-p]

yet again thinking about jason todd and frankenstein’s monster parallels

“But it is true that I am a wretch. I have murdered the lovely and the helpless; I have strangled the innocent as they slept and grasped to death his throat who never injured me or any other living thing...You hate me, but your abhorrence cannot equal that with which I regard myself.”

i truly don’t think jason likes killing. he isn’t someone who gets pleasure from the killing itself, but rather what it would mean for other people. in batman: urban legends, he has a breakdown after he kill’s tyler’s father. killing does nothing but hurt jason, but he does it anyways because he thinks that’s all he can do.

“My work is nearly complete. Neither yours nor any man's death is needed to consummate the series of my being and accomplish that which must be done, but it requires my own. Do not think that I shall be slow to perform this sacrifice.“

i really think jason has suicidal ideation. i mean, he wears a helmet with an actual bomb in it. not to mention, he rigged the building he chose for the batman/joker confrontation. i don’t think he planned on making it out.

“Polluted by crimes and torn by the bitterest remorse, where can I find rest but in death?“

i think once the anger fades, jason is just left empty. he wasnt catatonic only because of his traumatic brain injury. when he escaped the hospital and started living on the streets, it was a half-life. he was surviving, but he wasnt living. with the league of assassins, he defended when he was attacked. that was it, according to ra's. but in one scene (red hood: lost days) talia speaks to jason about bruce and he starts crying. it tells me that he's disassociating because of the trauma that he faced, through his death and subsequent rebirth. it isnt until hes thrown into the pit that hes shocked back in, because one emotion breaks past that wall he built up: anger. he is consumed by his anger. its the only thing driving him through most of under the red hood now i thoroughly believe that jason isn't the "lose control" kind of angry person. when he's angry, he gets dangerous. jason is so hypercompetent and it really shows in lost days and under the red hood. he is an amazing tactician. but take that anger away, and what are you left with?

[sakshialevelmediablog]

Shoot Day 3

Category:- Coursework Development/ Production

Since originally we had only planned to shoot for 2 days, we were only given permission for 2 days. So I ended up talking to our media sir as well as our coordinator to come up with a date. This was particularly hard due to the events that were happening, the camera was being utilized there and so the availability of that as well as the studio became an issue. We couldn’t get the confirmation until the next day and an hour before we planned on shooting. I informed both Rhythm and Jiya about the possibility of the same and told them to be prepared for both scenarios. It was particularly difficult managing this and getting confirmation so late because we could use the equipment only for a limited time and being efficient with time was very important. Since I live far, I left way before I got the confirmation because if there was a chance that we could film that day I didn’t want to be late. It was particularly hard for rutvi as she lives also far from school and she had to leave early. Since Rhythm is young, I told her mother not to drop her off I got the confirmation and since she did live closer to school it was also easy for her and we did not have much delay because of it. She was also a littke under the weather and wasnt attending school but was still going to show up to the shoot, I told her to send in a mail to her class teacher and the coordinator about the same. Jiya didn’t want to leave before the confirmation but said she was packed and ready just in case we got the confirmation. I was halfway to reaching school and that is when I got the confirmation.  I quickly updated the group, i told Jiya and Rhythm to leave.

I reached school and helped Aaryaa set up the camera to get it ready by then rhythm had reached and so we went to the front gate to escort her to the studio. I went over her role with her what she had to do and stuff. A little while after we had Jiya come in I helped her get dressed. Since the other groups had also used the studio there were a couple of their props left and so rutvi cleaned that up and arranged the set roughly in the way that it was. I helped aaryaa set up the camera and then we started filming.

We had Samarth manage the lights and have the blue light turned off on cue. I would give the subtle cue to rutvi and she would clap and that would be Samarth’s cue since he had to be in the adjacent room and it was hard for him to hear from a distance. I left Jiya alone for a while to get back in the zone while we set up. We did ots of both, a two-shot and a vertigo shot. We didn’t want to play with the light like we did last year but honestly, it fits the scene very well. removing the blue light and having that switch to just red lights added to the scene not only visually but also symbolically. Red means danger it creates this level of fear that perfectly indicated Isha’s emotions at that moment. The two shot and both the ots went really well and smoothly. I had told Rhythm that we required her to cry during this scene and to help her tear up she used eyedrops and Jiya as she went into the zone started tearing up. Our both two-person shots and the ots shots were relatively easy and quick to film. I just kept on guiding rhythm to pull on Jiya’s dress and make large movements and to tell Jiya to squeeze the cup hard at different moments. The vertigo shot was hard to execute as it required swift and quick movements. Aaryaa tried doing it by herself but it wasn’t as swift as we wanted so we had her sit on the chair and I rolled it while she handled the zoom. This worked way better but still took a couple more tries but we got it by the end. After that, we thanked Rhythm and had Samarth drop her at the gate where her mother would then pick her up.

We had one last insert shot that we wanted to shoot for the newspaper that we made for the in-library scene that we missed shooting. So, we quickly had Jiya change. Originally, we thought we would need Jaden but luckily we were able to take film it in a way without him. I just asked her to walk in sit down open her book and then put the newspaper that was at the top of the book in the bag we took 2 takes for this as in the first one Jiya hurried to do it made it look like she was hiding something but I wanted it to be more subtle and wanted Vivan to notice and so we took another take which was perfect the way we wanted and with this we completed our shoot.

[faennara]

Can we blame Steven for not wanting to talk about his feelings to the cg ?

Those times i’ve been relating with Steven thoughts in the last episode. Obviously he needs to talk about it, but why doesn’t he want the crystal gems to hear it?

I think it’s because he doesn’t trust them in an emotional way. We’ve been seeing since the beginning of the show and even until now that the gems takes everything at face value (i’m sorry if that’s not the right expression djskfj). We even saw it for this episode. Steven was obviously not okay and had a lot on his mind, Pearl noticed something was wrong, but when Steven said everything’s fine (even tho we can see it isn’t), Pearl and the rest of the cg are like “okay, have fun with your plants”. They clearly cannot totally understand humans emotions, and so Steven’s, and he knows it, and that’s why he doesn’t want to talk about it. Plus, he is annoyed that, even if he does talk to the cg, it won’t help.

“I can’t tell Pearl how I feel ‘cause she’ll blame herself and spiral out of control” Instead of the wanted situation of Pearl helping Steven, it will be Steven helping Pearl. And i’ll understand if he is tired of dealing with that, especially with his actual emotional situation.

“I don’t want any more high and mighty advices from Garnet, I just want to know better for once.” Here, he will just feel down. Obviously Garnet will help, but not the way he wants. Garnet will tell him what to do according to what she sees in the future, about what she wil know. But that’s not what Steven wants, he wants an answer coming from her heart, not the future. He needs no hear sweet words that will cheer him up, not what to do according to Garnet’s knowledge about the future.

“And i’m so sick of Amethyst acting like she’s so mature now” Okay this time is a bit weird because it talks about how Amethyst became. (That’s a bit hurtful, isn’t it with Amethyst that Steven had the most compatibility?) And he doesn’t seem to like it. How could he talk about something private to a person he does not appreciate 100%? We know She is her family. But imagine your closest yet younger member of your family change a bit? Like your little brother thinking he is now an adult and that he can solve every problem while he is just 14. That would be a bit annoying in a long period (trust me it is).

Steven knows the cg more than anyone and that’s why he knows he cannot talk about his feelings to them.

But i’m curious if he will even talk to somebody.. Connie perhaps? Everything around Steven is changing and moving, he feels left out, stuck in the 14-years-old-steven’s work which is to help gems and protect the Earth. And he doesn’t know who he is without that work. Lars is going back to space, Sadie has a new partner (rly lovely btw) and the band is breaking up. He is scared of what is going to happen for him, he is scared of becoming left out, useless and lonely (*coughing* spinel). Please give this boy a hug.

[schizopositivity]

Hey so like

The only times I've ever really heard people talk about schizophrenia being hard is how others are affected by it, how it's "creepy/bad/evil/scary", etc

Can you talk about the stuff that's been really difficult for you in your personal experience without it just being through the lens of how it affects others?

Thank you :)

this is gonna be a long one cause schizophrenia is very complex so im gonna break it down by symptoms and how it affects me

TW: demon, self harm, suicide attempts, csa/sa mention, death mention, delusions

•hallucinations: these were at their worst when i wasnt on antipsychotics when i was a teenager, would see little monsters running around that made me really afraid and question reality. but what i most commonly saw/felt/heard wad this demon thing that was sorta representive of a grim reaper. it would tell me that self harming would help me and i listened. it made me really scared and sad all the time. this went on for about a year and i didnt tell anyone. it had a grip on my shoulders and followed me around all the time. i cant stress enough how scared it made me. sometimes it would get loud and id panic and black out, and then get "woken up" by my mom shed find me hiding and shaking under a table. it told me i had to end my own life and i attempted twice, one of the times required hospitalization and after a psych ward (which finally got me on the antipsychotics i needed). since then the hallucinations have calmed down and i dont see the demon anymore but i do hear similar things, now i just try my best to ignore it. its more annoying than scary. like feeling a poke on my shoulder at work and having to not react cause the stigma of showing symptoms. or like seeing scary faces in everyday things and just being like "huh weird" or hearing very mean or threatening things and thinking "thats obviously not actually what im thinking, id never do something like that", hallucinations still suprise me all the time especially the first few seconds of it, but now i have the experience where i can ignore it after that

•delusions: the biggest delusion i have that i still have to this day is very much influenced by my trauma of being the victim of csa and sa literally too many times to count, i truly believe that i was made to be abused and it will happen for the rest of my life, no matter what people tell me i always will not fully trust people and think they will abuse me at any moment, when people look at me i think they are planning how to abuse me, this is such a deeply held belief and it causes me anxiety and triggers my cptsd. it makes me feel very exposed and inhuman like a piece of meat it sucks. some other delusions ive had are that im the reincarnation of kurt cobain and that im gonna be rich and famous with no plans on how to make that happen. these felt good when i was in them and horrible when i snapped out of it. i kinda miss them.

•avolition: i struggle with this a lot. i have to be told to do tasks otherwise i dont do them. i never know when or how to do daily tasks. even if i can recognize that something has to be done i have no clue what steps to take to complete that task. like when i was the only one running the nursery at a spiritual center and id see kids crying id think "someone should do something about that" even though its me that has to do something. i struggle to maintain personal hygeine, do house chores or take care of my cats. if im not directly told to do it ill just let it fester. i do well at my job because im always told exactly what to do and how to do it. this symptom makes me feel lazy, childish and stupid. because of this i dont think ill ever be able to live on my own. i am dependent on other people to show or tell me what to do to take care of myself, my house and my cats.

•flat affect: this symptom makes me feel broken. like when my favorite grandpa died and i couldnt cry. it made me question my love for him. im constantly questioning my own feelings (even though im feeling them) just because my face and voice dont match what im feeling. ive fully thought that im unfeeling or unhuman because of this. i also get accused of lying a lot because of my flat affect. and i hate being accused of lying cause when i defend myself they dont believe me and there no winning.

•anhedonia: this really sucks. i used to really love doing art and playing guitar and now it feels like a chore. this is loss of pleasure in things that used to make you happy. it just makes me sad and feel like theres nothing i can do to change it. this makes me feel hopeless and useless.

•memory loss: i forgot most of what happened this year like valentines day with my partner (my first valentines day with a partner), my birthday, my partners birthday, my friends birthdays, i forgot them all and i feel like a terrible person because of it. this makes me feel dumb and careless. but i do care so much but i just cant remember so much important events. this also shows itself in smaller ways, forgetting what ive said to people, forgetting what ive bought, forgetting the last sentance ive read in a book so often that it makes reading nearly impossible.

•prosopagnosia: i cant recognize faces and mix them up often. this shows itself most with celebreties i constantly mix them up or think two different people are one person. i also dont always recognize my own face and i feel like a stranger to myself.

•consintration issues: i have a lot of trouble consintrating on things unless they are intresting to me, which because of anhedonia is not much. its hard for me to hold conversations with people and stay in focus. i feel like a terrible person when im not able to focus or remember what people have said.

•thinking issues: i have trouble thinking clearly a lot. its either i have too many thoughts at the same time, or my thoughts feel slow or empty. this makes me feel stupid.

•speach issues: i have trouble talking a lot of time. ill think im responding but im silent. it makes me feel mean and careless. when i do talk its usually short sentances. i very rarley actually talk a lot even to people im close to.

•fatigue/impaired motor function: i need so much rest in between activities just to function. i feel lazy a lot of the time. i also sometimes have trouble with normal motor function like sometimes when im walking it turns shaky and uncoordinated.

•amnesia: this showed itself most before i was on antiosychotics, when id black out often and find myself hiding under something. now it doesnt show up as much. this makes me feel confused and unaware of what i was doing or how i was acting when i was blacked out.

•isolation/social withdrawl: this showed itself more before i was on antipsychotics. i believed that everyone i knew was plotting against me and i had to be alone to stay safe. i now know thats not true but i still struggle to keep in touch with friends and family. most of the time ill see a text and completely forget to reply and people think im ignoring them. this once again makes me feel careless and mean. i really do care about the people in my life but i just have trouble staying connected.

theres probably more that i forgot but this is what comes off the top of my head. most of the struggles of schizophrenia affect me and not other people.

[that-one-weeb-but-it-transformer]

Optimus with an artist human s/o

I must do the drawing is your always mood

But with art block half the time your chucking your shit out the window

He was there to actually pick up Jack, because Arcee was out on a mission with bulkhead you skipped class so you sat there sketching him, bee, and wheeljack

Couldn't get the grill right so you oh so casually went up and rubbed your hand against it

"Oh...so in....that looks right..."

Taking pictures for reference

"Can I help you-" "oh shit-"

It was just jack

"Sorry was taking refrence photos. Is this your truck?" "Uh...yeah..." "Can I get and interior shot?" "Maybe another day?"

Ayo Optimus not noisy but he kinda wanted to see them drawings

Turns out Arcee was out longer than expected and the next day you were there again and so was he because Jack was so nice and let you take some refrence photos of the outside you slipped a drawing through the open window with a thank you note and went about you way.

Hah. Not Knockout and breakdown thinking your an ally to the autobots and basically snatching you like they snatchin someones weave

"Ayo can I draw you-" "Bitch im litterally kidnapping you" "....okay so can I take some ref picks atleast? Please?" "...well shit you said please"

Not you having fun being kidnapped

"Damn I look good. Whats your name human?" "Y/n" "and why is such a fabulous artist with the autobots?" "The who?"

Oh. You- oh...oh shit.....

Not knockout dropping you off at your house and grtting your # ya'll buddies now

You despite being kidnapped for two days just show up again randomly and walk up to Jack.

"Yeah can I see the inside your truck no pictures no anything, just. Real quick?" "Sure?"

Oh shit your sitting in a transformer.

"Okay I know about your talking alien car that transformers into a huge robot"

Bam friends now now you go to the base everyday

Ratchet wasnt very Happy till he realized you were just extremely quiet. And YES he could work in peace

Often you sketch the autobots forms.

"Wow! Thats real detailed!" "Holy shit miko-"

You often let her go through your sketch book.

"This is a lot of-" "Shhhhh"

It was alot of Optimus: you dont know why to be honest it was like he your comfort person to draw

You've probably had every expression of his in your books, sketches of...well everything.

Mhmm those hip sketches somethin else dude

"I made my first art based Tarot card deck!"

Smokescreen realizes there based off them and is obsessed with his tarot card desgin (the sun card because come on its Smokescreen)

Optimus even compliments you on them and ask you about them you happily explain them to him

You tell him you based him in the Justice card and told him it was pretty explaintory

He told you he was honored that you seen him such a light, and there you go getting all flustered and complimenting him back

Arcee wants to know why shes the hanged man but your too busy being flustered

Now often he'll wander up behind you looking over your shoulder why you sketch away.

"What are you drawing today y/n-" "Ah! nothing! Nothing at all! Hah! Ha...."

Not more optimus hip images: they're just too fine not to draw

Despite being well Optimus he's very innocent and would simply see them as anatomy drawings

But they aint....you know that

For that reason: you refused to draw Optimus (or his hips) anymore and now your crying inside but tiding to have will power

HOT ANIME GUY POWER; drawing hot anime guys to leed your mind occupied but you just make Human Prime and your crying and screaming without the s.

Miko, knows because you forgot your bag at her house one time

"Damn man you got it bad." "I know..."

Luckily ratchet sees Vaule in your skills and ask you to draw out invention plans you say yes immediately

With Ratchet asking for help your around the base more often, sketching out plans for him

Which means you and Optimus talk alot more

He finds your conversations relaxing

You often fall asleep at the small table, after finishing plans and starting on your own work, usually homework

So that means he sees your litrle fifth grade crush drawings, you know with lopsided hearts and all luckily you know better to draw Human like alien robots in your notebook so he only sees the O + F/i surronded in hearts

He doesnt know why but now he's gotta talk to you more: its a now or never situation.

"Y/n-" "It wasnt me!-" "would you like to go home to rest?" "Um. Yeah that sounds great"

Optimus now drives you home everyday, and picks you up from school instead of you just riding with Bee and Raff

Litterally a dream come true on your part and on his part

Is it akward silence? Or do you both just think its awkward silence making it more awkward

Asking Ratchet to describe how the iacon archives use to look and sketching it out and giving it to Optimus

"Im not sure I got the file cases right. I had Ratchet describe the your world to me as best I could.

It was perfect to him, and he thanked you for it, it never leaves his glove box

Usually because your an artist your dressed in clothes that have paint stains, perhaps the back of your shirt is hand painted or your old converse.

Yet you had a presentantion you had to get dressed up for, for school, in a knitted pencil like skirt and a knitted sweater with some boots

He couldnt pick you up or drive you to school that day so Wheeljack went with you instead and Smokescreen picked you up

Not wheeljack bragging trying to get Optimus to confess that you look rather hot that day.

Turns out when Optimus returned to base he'd be blown away by your change in outfit.

"How'd it go!"

"All the energon secured. There was no doubt after all!" Wheeljack laughed, "Right Optimus."

You looked at him with such a big smile and eyes he only nodded with a smile

Wheeljack drove you home: saying the boss was tired and just like he had hoped you left your bag in his back seat

Now Miko and Wheeljack both have the power to tease you

Not Optimus seeing where you work and creating a holo form to go and see you

"Hm? Y/n?" The employee asked, "Yeah shes in right now there doing a study. Come on I'll take you there."

When he said study he thought idk maybe like with a book. Not figure studies, you know the ones where your naked

So he was not expecting to walk in with people surrounding you as you sat laid on a couch with a thin sheet covering your lower hips down, top bare and a hand propping your head up.

Poor baby had to stand there for twenty mintues attempting not to stare at you

But time was called and you got up going to dress again.

"Ayo n/n." "Hm?" "This guys here for you."

You only smiled hoping it was an art scout as you apologized for your current state and fixed yourself.

"Hello Im Y/n!" "I...I know..."

Voice sounded oddly familiar

"Do...I know you from....Wait a mintue!"

Pretty easy to figure it out, "stay there!"

He only listened as you rushed to your bag, flipping through the pages of one of your sketch books and lifted it up besides him.

"Its...Op-"

"I believe Orion- would be a better choice sounds more human."

Your weezing; hes evern prettier as a human

"I had no idea...you could..." "its older technology but works well." "Ah... I see..."

Thank god for being 18...primus hes just so pretty

"Um...I have to go pick up my work bag...do you wanna come along?"

Not you guys having a moment in the locker room where you told each other your feelings.

Making out in the locker room super softly? Absolutely.

Making out in his Alt form? Even a bigger yes, especially if hes dropping you off at your house

But its best to keep it a secret

Miko and Wheeljack notices that the teasing doesnt get to Y/n anymore and Miko realizes you stopped drawing Optimus and some human guy now. What a bummer

They realize Optimus does seem to have a much brighter glow to him, and he always lightly smells like something fimilar.

*cough* your perfume *cough*

"Is Y/n okay?" "What would be the problem?" "Shes always in a daze these days."

It true, drawings and plans you offered to help ratchet draw out are completed but sometimes you dont even remember drawing them or the process.

"Hmm? Yeah....I don't really care....whatever you want Miko." "Um Im jack and Im asking for the science text book back." "What!? Oh- sorry!"

"Ah Miko! Isnt the world so bright today!" "Its raining outside Y/n-" "Lets go run in it!" "What-"

You've never been so happy, even around finals your kicking your feet like a schook girl

It causes everyone great fear,

Not Optimus sneaking out of base to help you sneak out of your house so you guys can go have fun in some forest.

Refused to go into your room, its your private space but you convinced him anyways and well...its chaotic organization.

You show him around, pointing out things to him that your super proud of.

Ends in you guys on your bed trying to be quiet as you laugh with each other.

Falling asleep in his arms for the first time is wonderful

Not he leaving a jacket behind for you to wear and you do just around the house it did have the autobot insignia on it after all.

Sleeping prime refrence photos if you wake up before he has to leave

Can dance surprisingly well, and he'll go dancing with you in abanded parking buildings

You couldnt find a more perfect boyfriend

Finds a way to go to every art gallery your in.

You often do peices based on the bots and there stories, like a verbal reference

Some of your paintings worry him: you always reassure him you cant always have a happy peice but your happy to have him

Old people think your both just the sweetest couple

Until your parents pull up and your not a couple anymore, you try and keep it a secret from everyone and ya'll manage

Your parents like him upon introductions that you are both friends

Your dad's actaully a greek philosopher, and gets along very well with Optimus, he did introduce himself as Orion after all.

Life is good for the both of you

[dr4cking]

BIRTHDAY SMUT

Birthday Boy.

masterlist taglist

draco malfoy x reader | smut | fluff |

a/n : we love spoiling our ferret boy and thank you for requesting! <3

y/n look up at the clock hanging on her bedroom wall. its 12am sharp, confirming the next date has arrived, which means that it's June 5 now.

she was feeling excited and nervous as she finishes wrapping up the present that she will give to one of her best friends, draco malfoy.

they had been best friends for long years, it started in 2nd year and became inseparable since then and now they both are already graduated.

as they grew up they often flirted with each other, always got jealous when the other see another person.

they both knew that they always wanted to be 'more'. the sexual tension between the two is becoming too hard to ignore, but they were too scared to ruin their friendship.

she stood in front of her mirror, taking the last look at herself. she decided to dress up, it was a special day after all.

she wore a dark green satin dress because draco's favorite color is green and paired it up with silver heels. she had decided to put black lingerie underneath her dress incase 'it' happens.

she had asked her parents to let her stay in malfoy manor today so she can celebrate draco's birthday. and because their parents know each other too, they let her stay there.

she swishes her wand and in a second she was apparated to malfoy manor hall, it was really dark but she still managed to found his bedroom, she knocks softly on his door not wanting to wake his parents.

the door opened, revealing the blonde-haired guy who stood straightly with a genuine smile on his face.

draco is wearing his usual black suit which always making him look hotter than he already is.

she feels her heart will going to jump out of its place at any second when she cant take her eyes off of him.

"you came," he said as he greeted and taking her hand in his guiding her in. they both sit at the edge of his bed.

"of course, i wouldnt miss my best friend's birthday, making sure i was the first celebrating your birthday." she laughed softly making draco chuckle.

"you look so beautiful in that dress, love. green really suits you.”

draco once again take her hand in his and brought it to his lips and kiss it, making her cheeks heated at his action and the nickname he just called her.

"here, happy birthday draco." she placed the gift in his hand.

his eyes lit up and he immediately opens it, making y/n getting more nervous waiting for his reaction.

"oh merlin! this is so cool y/n!! i love it so much!"

he took out the black ring that had a snake symbol carved in it from its place and put it on his ring finger, taking a look and admiring it.

"i’m so glad you like it, draco! i wasnt sure what to get you then i remembered you've been looking at this ring when we passed the store last week"

"thank you so much y/n!! you dont have to do this i appreciate it so much, you're the best thing that ever happened to me, love."

he pulls her by her waist and kisses her forehead, thanking her.

no one has ever treated him like the way she does and he's so grateful to have someone like her in his life.

"aww stop it draco or i will cry in front of you now" she laughs, nudging his elbow making him laughs too but he suddenly stopped and looking at his lap.

"whats wrong, dray? are you okay? did i do something wrong?" she asks worriedly tilting his chin making him looking up at her.

"i'm afraid that i have to say this, y/n..” he takes a big sigh looking into her eyes.

“what is it? tell me i wont judge, draco”

“i- i think i’m in love with you, y/n. no! i know that i am in love with you, i have always been."

he inhales deeply and broke the eye contact, looking anywhere but her eyes, knowing his sudden confession would make him lost her this instant.

"draco, look at me" y/n said as she tilts his chin again making him look at her.

"oh god.. i’m sorry y/n i shouldnt have said that! i was just- its just i- i cant hold it anymore y/n. i need to get this out of my chest and now look, i just ruined us"

"oh draco.. you're not ruining anything, quite the opposite actually, you just made the right move, i'm in love with you too, idiot, always have been."

she chuckles and cupped his face in her hands, pressing both of their foreheads, looking at each other causing a shy smile to appear back on his face.

he tilted his head and wasting no time to smashed his lips on hers, kissing her passionately, showing her how much he loves her which she gladly returned with the same passion.

he put one of his hands on her throat and the other on her waist pulling her closer to him, she wrapped her arms around his neck and tugged softly on his hair making him moan into the kisses.

as the kiss turning into a full makeout, he lays her down to his bed, resting both of his hands on the side of her head still kissing her hungrily.

his suit already thrown out on the floor and her heels too. she snapped back to reality and realizing what is gonna happen then flipping their position over and now she is on top of him straddling him.

"let me do all the work draco, today is all about you, wanna make this special and a night to remember, let me make you feel good, love."

she slowly grinding against him after earning eager nods from him, both of them let out a moan at the feeling.

then she gets down and started to unbuckle his belt, kissing his growing tent and palming him through his trousers causing him to squirmed under her touch.

getting excited she pulls his trousers and boxers down, throwing them somewhere as draco's hard swollen cock sprang free and standing tall in front of her, begging for attention.

she moans at the pretty sight, licking her lips, craving to feel him. she runs her fingers around him and placing soft kisses on his inner thighs before going up to the part he needed the most.

draco let out a throaty groan when y/n finally take his hard cock in her hands pumping him, his body jolted out as he feels y/n kitten lick his tip, his hand founding its way to her hair.

she looks up to him with innocent eyes who already watching her movements, she smiles and took his balls in her mouth making draco instantly moan her name, his other hand gripped on the sheets.

then she pulls out to rest her jaw and lick a straight line on his cock from the base to the tip then going all in, his cock feels so heavy and full in her mouth, draco is already a moaning mess.

"fuck y/n- feels so g-good.." her name repeatedly left his lips like a prayer as he keeps moaning her.

she bobbed her head up and down at a steady pace, hollowing her cheeks and pulling draco deeper each time she suck him.

"yes y/n, just like that, fuck.. feels so fucking good"

she swirls her tongue around his length, sucking on his tip and taking him back inside her mouth again, her hand pumping the rest of his cock that she couldnt fit in her mouth at the same pace making sure that part got pleasures too.

he bucked his hips accidentally making her gagged and choked out, saliva dripping off her mouth and eyes watering.

"shit i’m sorry y/n!" he said as he watches her struggling.

"do that again, draco."

y/n replied as she took him back inside her mouth, and hand still stroking his cock. draco groaned and buck his hips again, making her gagged and moaning at the same time, the vibration sending him near to his high.

she noticed his cock twitched in her mouth and begin to suck faster and deeper, her hand move to his balls and massaging them helping him reach his high.

he let out a low scream of her name as he shots his warm liquids down to her throat, his legs are shaking. y/n moaned and pulls him out showing draco that she swallowed all of his cum. he smirked and mutters a 'good girl' to her.

"how was it, draco?" she asks him smirking as she slowly sat up and straddling him again.

"fuck.. you have no idea y/n.. that was amazing, the best i ever had" he replied as he still catching his breath.

she smiles at him and takes off her dress slowly showing draco her black lingerie. his pupils widened at the view in front of him.

"god y/n.. you are insanely gorgeous, you look so hot in this lingerie, darling. are you preparing all of this for me? planning all of this cause you know this is going to happen, yeah?"

his hands are now roaming around her body, admiring her in every way he could. she blushes and nodded, taking her lingerie off of her showing draco her full body making him embarrassingly moaned at the view.

she starts grinding her now bare cunt on his still hard cock, earning a soft whimper from the boy under her. his hands instantly gripped her hips helping her grinding faster, her wetness now coating his cock.

"now enjoy the ride, mr. malfoy" she said as she lifts her body and pumps his cock lining his tip against her lubricating it with her juices making both of them groaning at the sensation.

she sunk down on his cock, filling her up in a perfect way. its like their bodies fit together and were made for each other.

they’re moaning each other as draco is fully inside her. she paused and take a few seconds to adjust to his size.

"mhm.. fuck- you're so big draco.. fill me up so good inside"

she starts bouncing up and down, resting her hands on draco's chest as she picks up her pace, throwing her head back and screwing her eyes shut in pleasure.

"you're so tight y/n, wrapping my cock so tight, taking me so well" draco praises between his moans, his hands gripped harder on her hips helping her bouncing faster.

"do you like how i ride you, dray?" she leaned into his ear, blowing her hot breath and biting his earlobe making him shuddered.

"y- yes mommy" draco's breath hitched as y/n suddenly going faster, her walls now hugging his cock very tight.

she let out a groan hearing draco called her 'mommy'.

placing her lips on his jawline, licking it then going down to his neck, sucking hard as she found his sweet spot causing draco to moan his raspy voice into her ear, turning her even more.

y/n starts to give him her lovebites and marking him as hers sending butterflies to his stomach.

she put her hand on his throat, choking him lightly while her other hand toying with his nipple, making draco whine. pulling her closer to him and captured her lips on his to muffle his moans.

she broke the kiss and screaming his name out loud as his cock nearly brushing her cervix and hitting her g-spot.

"shit.. you feel so good inside me dray"

she rolled her hips faster on his cock, her tits bouncing up and down in front of him and he caught her nipple in his mouth and buried his face on her breasts, enjoying the warmness.

"ah- you feel so good too, fuck- never felt this good mommy"

his breath got stuck and he feels his cock twitched inside her indicating both of them that he was close, y/n seems close too as she bites her lips feeling the coil in her stomach tightened.

"cum for mommy, baby boy"

y/n rolls her hips and bouncing faster, tightening her grip on his throat.

and that was it for draco, he moans her name out loud not caring if someone might hear as he spilled his cum inside, filling her to the brim, ropes of his warm cum shooting inside her.

y/n cant help but cum all over his cock at the feeling of his cum shooting inside her nonstop, her walls clenching and squeezing hard on him.

both of them are a mess, legs shaking, vision blurry as they were on cloud nine, she rolled her hips lazily to ride out their orgasms before collapsing on top of draco, both panting heavily.

"fuck you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that, love" draco said softly as he caressing her cheeks pulling her in for a sweet loving kiss.

"happy birthday, draco." y/n broke the kiss smiling at him tiredly, giving lovely kisses all over his face.

"best birthday ever, thank you my love for everything. i love you so much..” he kissed her lips one more time.

“i love you so much too, dray.”

those were the last words they spoke before both of them drifted off to sleep with a smile on their faces.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tagging : @dracoscum @hellounicorn @onyourgoddamnleft @whoreforgeorgeandfred @turn-to-page-394-please @underappreciated-spoon-321 @youreso-golden @silverdelirium @littlemissnoname13 @dracmalf0y-dm @f4iryluvy @starstruckgranger @lieswithoutfairytales @dlmmdl @yiamalfoy @black-repunzel99 @rylynn-m @slythermuf @acciodignity @i-love-scott-mccall @maybesandohnos @yvonnearce22 @arzfia @alexthealexthealex @seriouslyinlove

[fairyysoup]

The reason eddies death doesnt make sense is beacuse they didnt care about making it make sense.

I put it together. Someone dying this season was inevitable, they needed that to happen and it needed to happen to someone we cared about. Season 2 has Bob, season 3 tried to do Billy but that backfired beacuse the fans didnt like the use of sacrifice as a means of redemption for his character (we all knew hopper was alive he didnt count)

So season 4 needed a death with stakes. The problem is that they are too cowardly to kill of a main character for good. They aren't brave enough. So Eddie was the solution.

Make a side character with a lot of personality, someone who fits in with the group, someone whom is easy for the audience to like and care about. But they cant make him matter too much, which is why hes alone and hiding for most of the season.

Eddie was created specifically as a character to kill off, so that the audience could feel that tragic loss of a character death, without having to risk any of the main characters to do so.

Its also why his death meana so little and doesnt make sense. No one aside from like one moment from Dustin at the very end cared. Beacuse ultimately he wasnt a vital character and the duffer brothers didnt feel obligated to make his death have a meaningful impact long term.

He was simply there to be killed off so they didnt have to risk a precious main character.

no, i completely agree with this. it hurts because we all kinda knew it was gonna happen, but i was like clinging to the hope that maybe they would break the formula and NOT kill the new expendable character this season, especially after all the hype they did surrounding eddie specifically.

(i honestly sat around the day before vol 2 came out and I was like "wouldn't it be actually kind of bonkers if they killed joyce and that's why noah schnapp was crying on instagram?" of course i figured that wouldn't happen, why would they sacrifice any of the main characters? they still have to do season 5, after all.)

basically it was down to enzo or eddie and they picked the one they knew we would be most upset about. it was never about him having a 'heroic story arc,' because as i mentioned before, he had already proven himself a hero by participating in the plan with the guitar solo, and the way he died wasn't really heroic when it all boils down. it was pointless and actually very lazy, because now we don't have the conclusion of the man on the run/proving his innocence subplot.

it just makes me invariably more angry because at this point it's just tragedy for the sake of tragedy, without consequences. which is not only shitty marketing for your show, but also just bad writing at the end of it all.

[icharchivist]

A series of events:

-One of my closest friend wants to bite the bullet and try up a3 knowing it is so important to me

-Thing is though that friend in question can't bear topics about theater, so he's really just doing it for me. (I did remind him we could drop anytime and that he didn't have to force himself, he just didnt listen)

-After one episode of the anime, he wants to drop it because nothing interested him

-The next day he tells me to watch another one, and go only by a pace of one a day

-Itaru makes his effect. Friend is now clearly watching for me and for Itaru.

-Yes friend made fun of me when i lost it when Chikage was on screen

-Friend made clear he had very little investment in the rest of spring and only cared for Itaru

-He started to feel emotionally hit by Itaru's storyline

-We listen to the a3 musics then. He's notoriously picky about music but ends up vibing with most of the songs, especially Autumn and Winter. He starts to be interested in Autumn.

-We go to Summer, still aiming one episode a day. Friend doesn't like any of the cast except Tenma he loved at first sight

-Tenma resonated with him and suddenly he insisted we binged all of summer in one day. It fucked him up.

-"I am not invested i can quit at anytime" - said a liar

-after Summer he asks to take a break before Autumn because he's scared of them. He didn't expect any of the characters to impact him but knew Autumn would be his type, and now that two characters he didnt expect ripped his heart out he's terrified of what it would mean for him

-He also asks that we resume to one episode a day

-I end up crying about Winter because im normal and i tease him that with the break and the pacing we wont reach him anytime soon, so i was safe

-Evilness oblige he decides that we're going to bing Autumn and Winter on the same fucking day

-Autumn didnt mess him up as much as he thought. At first. In the following days he becomes obsessed and starts to mostly talk about Autumn to me

-He gets bewildered by how little content Hisoka and Azuma had, saying "i thought when you said their arc were cut you were nippicking what the fuck was that"

-He guesses what were the themes of the plotlines by analysing the few we have and the knowledge they're my fav characters. He's 95% spot on. Now he cares winter because he sees me in every characters send help.

-I show him the game's content that was cut from the anime. He appreciates Winter but mostly because of what he can bully me with

-We had planned to stop there, so that he had a baseline to bully me.

-We didn't.

-He got invested in Azami suddenly and asked that we'd read his chapter together

-It messed him up and everything he thought should have hit with Autumn but didn't ended up hitting him a hundred times harder

-Friend gets overly invested. I send him Wandering Ghost. He loses his mind

-We discuss about the fact the song was not translated on yaycupcake

-The next day, as he's very good with Japanese, he decides to translate it and asks me to update his translation to yaycupcake

-he still refuses to acknowledge he's invested.

-Friend also starts to warm up to the cast members he wasnt found of.

-Friend has now asked me to show him Chikage and Guy. I insist that if we do, we read at least Winter 2nd and 3rd play and Spring 3rd.

-Friend complains because as he understands Japanese he's been mainly *listening* to a3 and have a hard time keeping up with the archive's full auto for the unvoiced events

-I bring up the events are voiced on the JPN server

-Friend decide to start playing it

-(i realize i lost my jpn account so i start one along with him)

-We sign in in time for the last 2 days of the spring 9th play event

-Friend decide to go ham

-Friend becomes obsessed with the event song

-Friend translates the song based on lyrics he found, has asked me to post it on yaycupcake (which i willdo when im back home), and is starting to work on a lyrics video for it.

-Friend still insists he's not involved. Despite the fact he regularly brings a3 up out of nowhere and had like 3 existential crisis provoked by characters.

-Friend is frustrated by all that is untranslated on the wiki and wants to help translate more regardless

-Friend is scared shitless about Chikage because i told him about him and he's terrified it's going to fuck him up (As expected from a Sandalphon lover.)

Tldr: i dragged someone into a3, he started out really disliking it, and now he's so worked up by what isnt translated and is working on things.

So there's that.

[sebsxphia]

Angsty thought of the day; being Mavericks daughter that he neglected growing up because he was too busy prioritising Bradley and being there for Bradley growing up, not realising he's abandoned his own daughter. Once they've gone of to college, they stop talking to him and go no contact, sick and tired of being disappointed by him. Years later and she's rhe doctor on base at Top Gun and all the pilots have to go through their physicals once their back from the uranium mission to be given the all clear. The first one up is Rooster, who was once her best friend, during the exam they chat and catchup and towards the end Rooster asks about her relationship with Maverick and she explains she didn't have one, that he made his choice when they were kids and it wasnt her but she didnt blame Rooster, she never did afterall he was only a kid himself and it wouldn't be fair to blame him. When its time for Mavericks physical, she quiet the entire time no matter how much Maverick tries to talk to her, at the end of the physical he asks what he did wrong and she snaps "you abandoned me. I was four years old and you abandoned me. I get Bradley lost his dad and I get that was tough, but why did that mean I had to loose mine?" Hes confused at first and she rolls her eyes "It was always about Bradley, always. I had a dance recital, oh you couldn’t go because Bradley had little league. I had a competition, sorry but Bradley has a game. At 7 years old I had to deal with my mothers death by myself because you were too busy with Bradley, you didn't rven arrange the funeral Aunt Carol did that. And no matter what I did, how good I was at something it was never enough because I wasnt him." She storms out after that and refuses to talk to him, heading home and breaking down completely. Maverick then speaks to Rooster when they're working in the hanger and Rooster agrees with everything she said and even points out "Mav you have all those photos of me up but you have none of her. Its like she doesn't even exist to you" Rooster then leaves, showing up at her door with wide arms and a shoulder to cry on, while Maverick tried to come up with a plan to reconcile your relationship

ooh ooh ooh, we love the angsty thought of the day so much dear anon!! the wonderful thing about this is that i can totally see this slipping into canon universe of tgm, because you’re right mav has a million and one photos of bradley yet none of you.

you would feel able to cry on bradley’s shoulder because he understands what it’s like to loose both his parents and you lost both of yours, physically and figuratively speaking.

ugh i love this concept so much dear anon, thank you so much for this!! as always, i’m in absolute awe that you send me these, for free!! 💌💖

[bunnykawa]

what are you doing, step bro? (sakusa x f. reader)

summary: To your parents, Sakusa was the greatest son. To you, he was the best big brother you could’ve ever asked for, but you could only find that out with a little force.

a/n: i literally just started college so i won't have much time to write but i have some stories in my drafts that'll be posted in awhile lol. should i open requests for haikyuu drabbles since they're short but still entertaining?? idek i feel like no one is reading this rn LOL but if anyone is reading this, lmk ;)

(edit: I HAD TO REPOST THIS CS IT WASNT SHOWING UP IN TAGS so sorry if you already liked this post)

warnings: 18+, incest, mentions of drugging,  mentions of somnophilia, mentions of parental neglect, noncon/dubcon/rape, sakusa is a dirty pervert i just don’t know how else to tag this, degradation, slight manipulation

"(Y/N), this is your new big brother, Kiyoomi," your mother said, holding tightly onto your small shoulders as you stood in front of her.

"You can refer to him as your nii-san from now on." Locking eyes with you was an older boy with long black wavy hair, two moles on the right side of his forehead, and a white face mask on the lower half of his face which blocked his nose and mouth. How odd, you thought. You could tell he was disinterested with how his eyes were blank as he stared at you.

That was the first time meeting your step brother, Sakusa Kiyoomi.

Being four years younger than Sakusa, you two never really got along. Of course you had to respect each other, but there was nothing to really talk about other than when his volleyball games were or unfulfilling small talks. Sometimes he would make snide remarks, asking if you even showered when your hair was only slightly messy or if a smart word ever came out of your mouth when you stumbled over your words. Sometimes he was just mean to you in general to the point where you would cry. You always tried to ignore it, though. That was when you were younger. You couldn’t help that you weren’t that smart and he was your nii-san after all. Your parents would brush it off.

You celebrated his victories together, only because you had to. I mean, you were the younger sister of one of the nation's top three aces in high school volleyball. There was no way your parents wouldn't celebrate. He was their pride and joy.

Smart, athletic, incredibly attractive — everything you felt like you could never live up to.

Your own biological mom so obviously and painfully liked him more than you.

Before you even entered high school, Sakusa was old enough to move out and go to college where he continued to play volleyball. When he visited during the holidays, you still wouldn't have decent conversations with him. He would still insult you. It even made you cringe when you had to call him nii-san. Why address him as your older brother when he didn't even act like it?

But you dealt with it because you had to.

Fresh out of Itachiyama Academy, you're focused on studying for entrance exams for colleges in your area rather than what would happen if you ever had to see Sakusa again. But, you were expecting to see him very soon.

Gentle knocks are heard from outside your door and before you can respond, your mom is already opening it.

"(Y/N), Omi is coming today and he's gonna be here for a week. I have to go to the grocery store to buy food and I'm gonna run other errands so it's gonna take awhile," she says, leaning her head into your room. You respond multiple times with "okay" so she can leave your room sooner.

Textbooks and notebooks are strewn across your bed with you on your stomach, trying to cram as much information in your head as possible.

"That means I might not be here in time for when he comes, so you have to open the door and greet him," she adds.

"What about dad?" you ask with a grimace. The most you would do is say hello and scurry back into your room.

She rolls her eyes at you. "He's working late again. You know that, (Y/N)." With a sigh, you agree and she finally leaves your room after bidding you a "goodbye."

You can't remember the last time you saw Sakusa, but it was probably almost half a year ago. Ever since he left for college, your parents were even more distant towards you. They probably felt like they didn't need to worry about you because you weren't doing anything important.

When Sakusa came over, he barely acknowledged you and you were okay with that because it meant he wouldn't be bothering you.

But that didn't mean his blank stare wouldn't catch your attention whenever you came out of your room to eat or use the restroom. The atmosphere felt...very odd around him. You couldn't necessarily come up with a reason why.

Suddenly, you hear knocking on the front door. It had to be at least an hour or two since your mom left and the thought of who was waiting at the door made your stomach churn.

"Nii-san is here," you mutter to yourself as you got up to open the door. Right as you open the door, Sakusa was staring down at you with the same blankness in his eyes from before with his usual face mask. His hair was shorter than you remember.

Mindlessly, his eyes seem to scan your body before returning to your face, making you feel self-conscious. You were only wearing black spandex shorts and a loose tank top. Subconsciously, you rub your arm and step back to make space.

"(Y/N)," Sakusa acknowledges you in a deadpan voice. It's no surprise to you.

"Hi, onii-san. How are you?" You try so hard to be polite, but Sakusa seemed to have a naturally dominant energy that overwhelmed your senses, even if he also seemed to have the personality of a jar of mayonnaise. You step aside so he can come in. He wore gray sweatpants and a black windbreaker that was zipped up all the way. As soon as he makes it inside, he removes his face mask, stuffs it in his pocket, and starts unzipping his jacket.

"I'm good," he hums, "Where's mom?" He places the backpack he was carrying on the couch and takes a seat as you close the door.

"She's out doing errands and dad is working. Do you want some tea?"

"Yes, please. Make sure you wash your hands before you do. Thank you," he said. You walk into the kitchen, muttering "germaphobe" under your breath at his extra request. Unbeknownst to you, he watched you from his place on the couch as you walked around the kitchen, pulling the tea kettle out of one of the bottom cabinets and looking for cups. His gaze followed the outline of your ass in those tiny shorts that hugged your bottom tightly.

"What college are you planning on going to, (Y/N)?"

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm applying to the college you're going to and three others," you replied from your spot near the counter.

Sakusa actually perks up at your answer. "Oh, cool. You'll love it there if you get in. Only if, though. You're not the brightest."

You couldn't help but let your face fall in a frown at his seemingly small comment. Quickly, you compose yourself and brush off his remark. You got the water boiling in the tea kettle and reached high for the teacups that were sitting on the top cabinets. Your stepdad definitely put them up there.

A presence looms close behind you, which makes your whole body automatically freeze and tense up. A veiny, bulky arm reaches up easily to grab the teacups while another one snakes around you to pull your tank top down as it was exposing your stomach. You're not sure if you're imagining it, but you definitely feel something stiff brushing up against your back.

"You need to be careful. Don't wanna hurt yourself, do you?" Sakusa commented, leaning forward so his mouth was right next to your ear. A blush found its way onto your cheeks from feeling him so close to you.

He usually hated being so close to people. What was so different today?

"R-right," you stuttered, "Thank you, nii-san."

Confrontation wasn't a strong trait of yours.

You guess that moment was when it started getting really weird between you two. You still had small talks from whenever he would actually see you come out of your room, but you wanted to avoid him as much as you could. However, that was hard when Sakusa insisted that you drank tea together every night and, of course, your parents insisted, too.

Your nii-san wants to spend more time with you, they would say excitedly. Better late than never!

Maybe if he was showing the slightest bit of interest in you, your parents would finally care about you. So, with much hesitation, you started drinking tea with your step brother every night. Sakusa even made the tea himself so his poor little sister wouldn't tire herself out with carrying that heavy teapot.

You're still not sure if you're imagining things, but the tea tasted different from how you made it. And you swear that the tea didn't make you so sleepy after drinking it until he started making it.

"Come here," Sakusa would say with a smirk, "Onii-san will take you to bed."

You would pass out before you even made it to bed, but every morning you woke up with sticky thighs, only blaming it on sweating while you were sleeping.

Until one day, you didn't drink all the tea that he made you. You still fell asleep, though. Your brain was hazy enough to make you lose consciousness as he helped you up from your seat in the kitchen.

Sakusa laid next to you on your bed. You were placed on your side so he could slide under the sheets right behind you to press his hardened length against your ass. This was his favorite part of the night. He spent a few minutes playing with your cunt to make it slick enough for him to let his cock break through your walls.

You barely stirred awake. Didn't even move an inch as he caressed every part of your body, from your soft nipples to the sensitive nub between your thighs.

He pushed the elastic of his sweatpants down to his thighs quickly. His cock hit your ass before settling between your folds. A satisfied moan leaves his lips when he feels your wetness coating the top part of his shaft as he rubbed it against you. He hooked his arm around one of your legs so that you were spread open enough for him to fuck you and rub your clit at the same time with his other hand.

He wanted that sweet nectar completely coating his dick. He remembers the way you tasted and how you came on his tongue the night before, despite being blacked out from the little pills he would dissolve in your drinks. You tasted so clean and smelled so fresh. It was impossible for your nii-san to control himself around you.

And when did your ass look so good? God...Sakusa couldn't believe he never noticed how cute and well-shaped you were. You weren't that little girl he met when you were both kids. You were pushing adulthood now. Still pathetic looking, still too shy, still small around him, but fuck, he definitely would have pushed you over the counter the first day he came over and fucked you until you were crying and gagging.

He continued rubbing circles onto your clit and letting his cock soak up your juices. Gently, he positions the tip at your entrances and pushes in slowly.

"There you go," he whispers in your ear, "I know it's a little big. Don't worry."

He manages to fill you up all the way, making him groan. Your walls were tight around him. He thrusts in and out of you carefully, salvaging the feeling of your slick interior.

But you didn't drink all the tea, which means that you could wake up earlier than he expected.

Sakusa didn't expect you to wake up now.

You stirred slightly as you regained consciousness. Although your eyelids were heavy, you tried to force them open only to be met with darkness.

"Mmm," you croaked, rubbing your eyes. The odd feeling of being filled up suddenly made you wake up more. "W-what's going on?"

"Fuck," Sakusa muttered from behind you. You felt a hard chest pressed against your back and...a hand on your pussy. No, something inside your pussy. And that voice was so familiar.

You quickly whip your head around when the realization dawns on you. What the fuck is happening? While your eyes adjust to the dark room, you see two familiar eyes staring straight back at you. He stopped grinding his hips against you for a moment as if time stopped.

"...Nii-san?" you hesitated. His breathing was heavy and he stayed silent.

"Nii-san, what are you doing?" you asked in a panicked voice. You quickly tried to get up from your position, only to be held down by Sakusa’s muscular arms. His hand wrapped itself over your lips to prevent you from screaming.

“Be a good girl and stay quiet, (Y/N),” he whispered. A muffled scream tries to escape your lips. He continued to fuck you slowly, leaving a burning feeling in your walls. The same sore feeling that you would sometimes wake up to within the past few days.

For a moment, you pry his fingers off of your mouth. "I don't understand...Why are you...?" You yelped in surprise, horror, and pleasure as he delivered a sharp thrust from behind you. The smack of his hips against your bare ass made you cringe and feel so disgusted with yourself. Nii-san is actually inside me.

"My poor little sister," he chucked darkly. He suddenly wraps his arm around your knee tighter and forces your legs wide open, your knee almost touching your chest. Instead of putting his hand over your mouth to shut you up, he kneads your breast. His hands were so large.

"You think you can walk around the house looking like a little slut in those tiny shorts?" He stretches you open with his hard cock with slow, yet hard, thrusts. It left your mouth agape, but no sounds left your throat except for small squeaks that you couldn't hold back. "You stupid bitch. Just as dumb as I could remember. Fuck, you don't know how much I wanted to bend you over and fill you up with my cum like the stupid, desperate slut you are."

He was satisfied as you were barely fighting him. All you did was desperately search for something to hold onto and bite your lip because you were so scared. His words were painful. "Look at you. A waste of fucking space, only good as a fuck hole. Didn't even realize she was getting drugged and getting fucked every night because she's so fucking stupid."

Weak. That was all your brain was telling you, mocking you, as Sakusa didn't stop moving against you and insulting you. This wasn't the first time. It just so happened that this time you were able to wake up.

"I-I..." you stuttered, "I'll...I'll tell mom and dad." The sheets were gripped tightly between your fingers. "I'll tell them- mmmm...what nii-san has been doing to me..."

"If you tell mom and dad, they wouldn't even care," Sakusa said in a patronizing tone. The way his hand was caressing you made you wanna cry.

“They would!”

"Mom and dad don't even treat you like a daughter, (Y/N). When was the last time they told you they loved you?" Even if his question was rhetorical, your mind went completely blank. You can't recall a moment where they ever told you they loved you.

"B-but, this isn't right! You're not supposed to be doing this," you argued. It was a surprise that your mind wasn't completely clouded by how big his cock was and how his thrusts felt almost hateful.

"You think they would choose your side? You'd be ruining your own life. Maybe you'd ruin mine. And it'd be. All. Your. Fault." With each syllable, his movements became sharper. "You don't wanna betray your nii-san by saying something, do you?"

"You love your nii-san, right?"

You do. You love him so much, even if you tried to avoid him and he never said a single good thing to you in your whole damn life.

Because you have to love him.

You stopped gripping on the sheets to the point where your knuckles were turning ghostly white to brush away the tears rolling down your cheeks. Your body shook, from both crying because of Sakusa's painful words and how hard he was fucking you. The pleasure building up in your core was overwhelming you, making that intense feeling of having to pee forced out of you.

Hearing your sniffles and small cries, Sakusa pulls you even tighter against him, but doesn't stop his relentless thrusting. It turned him on even more. He pushes your hand to brush away your tears for you, like good big brothers should.

"It's okay, (Y/N). We both know mom and dad don't love you."

A loud cry erupted from your chest. Maybe if your parents cared about you, they'd be running to your room to save you the second you started crying. But, no. Sakusa was basking in the fact that you were hurting on the inside. After years of negligent silence, you were finally letting it all out.

"But nii-san loves you," he said with a smile.

Although his words seemed to stun your entire being, you manage to choke out a "What?" Like it was the first time someone ever told you that they love you.

His torturous thrusts almost distracted you. Fuck, why did it feel so good to have your step brother fucking you on your side like this?

"I love you." He sweetly grabs your face so you can turn your head to look at him. There was a pounding in your ears coming straight from your chest. A warm feeling spreads throughout your stomach.

"You...you love me, nii-san?"

"Of course I do." He was actually smiling at you, "If I didn't, would I be inside you right now?"

His face didn't seem so blank anymore. Sakusa never ever smiled at you. Hell, he never really smiled in general. Someone actually loved you. Holy shit. And he was even pounding away at your insides like you were a fuck doll.

Is that why he's so mean? Was he just trying to hide his feelings for you this whole time? You could die laughing right now. His cock felt so damn good rearranging your guts against your will yet you were struggling to accept it.

Your cheeks naturally puffed up in happiness as you smiled so brightly at him. The flip switched in your brain so easily. Without another word, Sakusa kissed you passionately, because he knew you would let him continue to ravage your body. Your hips began to buck from the pressure building up in your lower half and you starting pushing your hips towards him, welcoming his length inside you. It felt like you needed more of him. More of his love.

Love me.

"Nii-san," you gasped against his lips. His movements never faltered, which you figured was from his amazing athletic ability and stamina.

"Be a good little sister and cum on my cock," he coaxed. He could tell you were so close to cumming from how tightly your precious cunt was hugging his length and how you were squirming against him. You were both slick with sweat. As you started squirming more violently against him, Sakusa tightened his grip on you.

“I’m gonna cum,” you whined desperately, “Nii-san, I’m gonna cum!” You grabbed his arms and pushed your fingernails into his skin, making him hiss from the sudden pain. With a firm grip over your mouth, he muffles your screams. Satisfaction settled in your stomach as you exploded all over his cock. Your sweet juices trailed down your thighs onto the bedsheets.

As much as Sakusa wanted to, he couldn’t fill up your insides and see your hole dripping with his cum just yet. He quickly pulls out of you and lets his seed shoot onto the bare skin of your ass. The shock of your orgasm left your thighs trembling, your skin wet, and your eyes drooping.

“You’re the best little sister.”

You would’ve replied, but you could barely form any words as you lost consciousness again. When you woke up the next morning, you were fully dressed and cleaned up, with no stickiness between your thighs like how you used to wake up.

Sakusa actually cleaned you up this time. You felt your heart melt and butterflies fluttering in your stomach.

Everything seemed to go back to normal between you two, with the same small talks and not really seeing each other often, but he always had a knowing smirk on his face whenever he saw you.

Whenever his eyes would trail up your body to meet yours, you could feel a warmth in your stomach spread all throughout your body which forced you to look away quickly. Whenever he insulted you, you would feel your thighs press together. Whenever you caught yourself admiring his features when he replaced his face mask for a new one, you smiled softly to yourself.

When it was time for him to leave, you couldn’t help but let a few tears shed. He was all set to go, with his backpack on and his mask covering his face.

“Hey, don’t cry, (Y/N),” he cooed, wiping your tears away, “You know I won’t be gone forever.”

You sniffled, “I know. I just hate being here alone.” Well, not necessarily alone. You just hated being ignored and neglected just because you weren’t your brother.

“If you manage to get into my college, you can move in with me. How does that sound?” You instantly perk up and dry your tears with your shirt.

"Really?!” you asked with excitement. You imagine all the things you could do with your nii-san without your parents in the picture. You could go out together, hold hands, share kisses, just about anything. He could even fuck you whenever he wants.

These thoughts about your own step brother would've made you feel sick before.

But that was before you knew Sakusa loved you. Now, you couldn't help but ask your mom when the next time your nii-san would be coming to visit. While you were waiting for his next visit, you studied hard.

College would be so much fun with your nii-san with you!

Part 2

[xoxo-teddybear]

He’s Lost - Bakugou Katsuki - Part 3

Bakugou x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, sexual mentions, smut, 18+, daddy kink, fingering (fisting?), f!receiving, alcohol, cursing, LONG WRITING PIECE, Bakusquad a teensy wheensy bit ooc, BAKUGOU BEING A BIG ASS SIMP

BAKUGOU’S MASTERLIST

Summary: After the classroom moment, Katsuki’s been doing everything he can to get you back. You’ve both come to terms as friends who are mutually pining for one another, but how long will it take to finally be found by one another?

A/N: Y’all I just have to keep saying thank you to all of you. The love and support is incredible and I never expected my one shot to be so likeable. Anyways, this piece is what will bring the whole story together. Just HELLA fluff. Hope you enjoy!

A/N: If you guys are curious as to what I put for Y/N’s quirk, I’ve titled it Phoenix. She has all the abilities of a Phoenix, like fire powers, regeneration, and flight ability with beautiful wings of fire that can come out on command. Honestly, her quirk isn’t really a big deal in the story but if you wanted to know, there you go.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

“YOU DID WHAT?!”

“I fucked her in the classroom,” Bakugou so calmly said while taking a sip from his water bottle.

Kirishima felt like he was gonna faint. He told his friend to talk to her so they could make up. He didn’t expect him to dick her down.

“Wow Kacchan, didn’t know you were an exhibitionist,” The electric blonde said while nudging Bakugou in the arm with his elbow.

“I’m not......well-“

“Katsuki” Kirishima said with a warning tone because he did NOT want to hear about his friend’s kinks.

“Right. Anyway, it was fine. No one was there...actually why weren’t you guys there? We all had class you idiots.” Bakugou asked.

“Mr. Aizawa told us the day before that we were going to meet up in gym gamma for an all day training sesh. So we were all shocked when one of our best fighters didn’t show.” Kirishima explained.

“Well nobody told me we were having an all day session.” Bakugou complained.

The group then raised their phones showing the texts sent to the group chat the boys of the Bakusquad shared.

8:47 a.m.

🦈 : Bakugou, tmr is all day training in the gym. Make sure you’re there

11:21 a.m.

🕷: You gonna be in the gym wit us tmrw Bakugou?

2:10 a.m.

⚡️: Sooo we’ll see u in the gym tmr Kacchan?

After some silence and Bakugou’s soft “oh,” Bakugou asked another question. “Well why wasnt Y/N there then?”

“Just like you, the girl wasn’t in class the day before so she didn’t know. She spent the day interning with Hawks.” Sero stated while taking a break from his bag of chips.

‘Hawks huh? Guess it made sense. You both had bird-like quirks, so you guys go well together’ The blonde thought to himself.

“But enough of why you weren’t there, tell us what happened with Y/N,” Sero added on.

“The hell? Why are you so invested in how I fucked her?” Bakugou said with attitude.

“Not that man,” Kirishima intervened, “we wanna know what happened after.”

“We also wanna know which desk you fucked on so we could avoid the cum splatter.” Kaminari said, earning a wack to the back of his head from Sero.

“Well I thought we were gonna make up and get back together,” Bakugou started and the trio of boys stared right at him as if he was going to open some buried treasure.

“But I guess she’s not ready for the relationship again. At least not yet. She said she wanted some time and then she’ll come back to me. All I gotta do is wait.” Bakugou said while getting comfortable in his spot on the common room couch.

“Says who?” Kaminari added.

“ ‘scuse me?” Bakugou asked.

“Who says all you gotta do is wait?” Bakugou looked at his idiotic friend.

“She did, Dunce Face.”

“Well you could wait for her, but if I was you, I’d still treat her like my girlfriend.” The electric blonde stated.

“Huh?” The entire group asked.

“Bakugou look. Give Y/N the time she wants, but you could still treat her like your girlfriend. It’ll remind her of the times you had and it’l-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there Kaminari.”

As the group turned towards the doorway, they saw Y/N. She seemed to have gotten back from some extra training considering she was still wearing gym attire and her duffel bag was still on her shoulder.

“Hey Y/N, just got back from the gym?” Kirishima kindly started up a conversation with the girl.

“Yeah. Had to take a shower there too to save some time. I’m heading back out to go on a late night patrol with Hawks after I drop off my bag, but I can spend 2 minutes to explain something to you, dorks.” You started walking towards the group, more specifically behind Bakugou’s seat.

“I’m gonna make this real simple. Katsuki and I don’t need a grand plan to get back together. We just need some time,” when you finally made it behind Bakugou, you gently wrapped your arms around Katsuki’s neck area, “besides, Suki knows I’ll always come back to him. He’s my one and only after all, right?” You said the last part while looking at Bakugou.

“Right.” Katsuki proudly replied.

You leaned in to give him a little hug from behind and pecked his cheek before walking off to your room.

Katsuki couldn’t help but smile and watch as you walked away. He knew you guys would end up back together. All he has to do is wait. But his moment was ruined by a certain dunce face.

“Damn dude, what the fuck kinda dick did you give her to get her to act like that with you?” He shockingly asked.

“SHUT UP!” Bakugou screamed as his two other friends laughed.

——————————————————————————

Ever since, Bakugou and You grew closer and closer. To others, it looked like exes who stuck to being friends. Best friends, if anything. Y’all played together as best friends, fought and bickered like best friends and looked out for each other and loved one another like best friends. But in reality, you and Bakugou were just falling for each other even more day after day. Yes, it was clear to you both that you were already in love with each other, but damn y’all didn’t know love could grow so strong.

Bakugou stuck to his word though. He was doing whatever it took to get you back, and yeah. Maybe he took a little bit of Kaminari’s advice and continued to treat you as his girlfriend. The only difference was that he didn’t and couldn’t claim you so it kinda hurt him but he was ok because he knows what’ll happen in the end.

So now we have this Bakugou who’s at your every beck and call, even when you don’t call. Thirsty in the middle of class? Bakugou’s got your favorite drink with him on standby. Craving something special? Bakugou will learn how to make it for you. Tired after a hard day’s work? The angry Pomeranian was there to carry you back to the dorms. What a simp.

——————————————————————————

*RIINNNGGGGGG*

And there goes the bell for class. As students walked into their respective rooms, the students of 1-A notice the two entering.

“And here comes Bakugou holding the door for his lady,” Kaminari spoke aloud.

“Hey man, they’re not dating, remember?” Sero reminded him.

“Yet. That’s the exciting part. 2 lovers, patiently waiting for each other. And Bakugou being so willing to drop everything just for Y/N, and Y/N willing to tussle through challenges for Bakugou. Ohh it’s so romantic!!” Mina said with a squeal and excitement.

“Bakubro really doesn’t want anyone else but her....they’re gonna get through this!” Kirishima hopefully said. “If they don’t I’ll beat his ass myself after all the shit I went through for this relationship. You know, THE RELATIONSHIP IM NOT EVEN IN!” He said loud enough for Bakugou to hear.

“Those idiots,” Bakugou growled. “CANT A GUY JUST SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIS GIRL WITHOUT SOME CRACKHEADS WHISPERING ABOUT US?!” He yelled at the group. But with that last comment, you raised your brow.

“So I’m your girl, huh?” You said with a sly demeanor.

This caused Katsuki to blush like crazy. “You know what I meant you little dumbass!”

“Yeah, I’m a dumbass. But apparently I’m your dumbass.” Your snide remarks were beginning to drive Katsuki crazy.

“Ok, that’s it!” With that, Bakugou grabbed your arm and dragged you away from the classroom before Mr. Aizawa came. As the 2 left the room, the boys of the Bakusquad knew exactly what was about to happen.

“Annnddd they’re they go. Off to a place of sweat and ecstasy.” Kaminari sighed.

Ever since that time in the classroom, you and Bakugou have had sneaky links here and there for the past few weeks. A little make out session in the kitchen, a little grinding in the common area, some receiving in many different places. However you were both cautious and made sure it never went beyond that. No vaginal penetration with a penis!

Though you both said you weren’t dating yet, it was obvious where you both would end up.

“What do you mean?” Mina asked.

“It’s nothing you have to worry about, just let them do them.” Kirishima explained.

Fortunately, only the Bakusquad boys were aware of these secret meetings. Once Bakugou told them of the classroom sex, they could tell whenever you two were interested in doing the deed with one another. They also steered clear from Bakugou’s desk. When they found out you both had gone to town on it, they made sure to never go near it unless they knew Bakugou cleaned it up thoroughly.

——————————————————————————

“Mm...Suki..” you breathed out in between the heated kiss.

Here we are in the storage closet. Y/N seated on top of a small standing shelf with Katsuki standing over her and his fist deep inside her.

Katsuki was in the process of marking your exposed breast and enjoying the feeling of your soft walls around his hand. He couldn’t help but speed up his movements.

“P-please....slow down-“ you were cut off by your own moan and cry of pleasure as his fist hit a sensitive area.

“Oh c’mon, you know you love it. You also know you shouldn’t have given all that sass. You knew exactly where it would lead ya,” he spoke as he continued to bite and suck at your nipples. “But I bet you wanted this, didn’t you. You little slut.”

His fist sped up even more and went deeper than before earning loud cries to leave your mouth.

“Ahh...fuck! Y-yes! I wanted this so bad...ohh shit Suki!” You cried out. You felt the coil in your stomach tighten and Katsuki knew what was coming right from the look on your face. He quickly pulled his fist out and dropped his head down to meet your glistening cunt, and continued to finish you off.

“Shit....you taste so sweet.” Katsuki couldnt help but eat you out as if you were his last meal. He groaned as your hands went to tug at his hair to push him in deeper. As he stuck his tongue out to enter inside you, your hips moved on their own and began to grind against his face.

“Yes...yess oh my god..just like that Suki please,”

Katsuki was desperate for more and so his hand went to your clit. He viciously rubbed at it until your legs began to shake.

“F-FUCK!... oh yess...ah!” You let out.

“Let me taste you....come inside my mouth like a good girl and let daddy taste you.” Katsuki demanded.

And you did just that. You released the white honey all on his tongue and Katsuki lapped at every drop, sucking you dry. As he finished his meal he kissed your cunt and continued to kiss you up your body from you stomach to your chest to your neck until he reached your lips. He gave you a passionate kiss, all tongue and love, and you could taste yourself. He was right. You were sweet.

——————————————————————————

During lunch, the Bakusquad, including Y/N, all ate together and had friendly conversations and arguments as usual.

“Man that steak hit the spot!” Kirishima exclaimed with a breath of satisfaction.

“I bet your already full too, huh Kacchan. Bet you already had your fill of Y/-“

*WHACK*

As the tray slowly slid off of Denki’s face after so rudely being thrown at him (curtousy of Sero) he was revealed to an angry Kacchan.

“Shut up dunce face!” Bakugou yelled.

“You’re one to talk Suki. If anyone should shut up, it should be the one with the booming voice.” You said as you ate your udon noodles.

“ME?!?” Bakugou exclaimed.

“Yes you ya dummy!” You retorted.

“You wanna go shitty woman?!?” Bakugou said while standing up now.

“Bring it on Blasty! I’ll take you on any day!” You replied while standing on top of your chair to beat his height.

‘Typical,’ the Bakusquad thought.

You guys would go from lovers to enemies in a split second with a besties vibe somewhere in between. The fun and teasing bickering went on like this for awhile and has been happening for awhile too. But at the end of the day, there was no real beef between you two of course. Just a mutual pining that involved some attitude.

“Man, you guys have so much energy. Cant you guys tone it down, we’re pretty sure you shouldn’t be so energized after you both just fu-“

*WHACK*

Sero was shut up with a tray (revenge from Denki) before he could finish his sentence and expose the soon to be lovers’s dirty secrets.

“I KNOW!” Mina popped up. “How about a beach day?” The pink alien girl suggested.

“Huh?” The entire group said while Y/N and Bakugou sat down again.

“A beach day! We all have pent up energy and some of us wanna relax so why not get everything out at the beach? Oou! And let’s go at night, it’ll be way cooler and so much more fun. Plus, that’s the best time for us to sneak out!” Pinkie explained.

“The hell do you mean sneak out dumbass? It’s a Friday, if we wanna go the beach, we can just go on Saturday, tomorrow.” Bakugou said.

“Jeez you moron, wheres the fun in that. Look this may seem a little wild since we’re hero trainees and all but how about we take a car to get to the beach?” Mina proposed.

“Mina, we’re under 18. We can’t drive.” Kirishima said.

“Legally. But Bakugou here knows how to drive! Remember that one time Mr. Aizawa made him pull the travel bus around the corner because he was too tired to bring it himself?” The alien girl reminded the group.

“Not only that, but Denki’s parents are outta town!” The girl added on.

“Oh yeah! We could totally take my Dad’s car! There’s definitely enough room in there!” Kaminari said.

The group was now starting to get excited. Except for one blonde of course.

“No way. Like you said Pinkie, we’re hero trainees. We can’t risk ruining ours or UA’s reputation just for some trip to the beach.” Bakugou said while downing his rice bowl.

“Aww c’mon man!”

“Whaaat but pleaseee!”

“Seriously dude?”

“Awwww :(“

The group all said in unison. But Bakugou wasn’t cracking. He wasn’t going to risk his career as a future pro just for a quick trip to some sand and sea.

That is until he felt a tugging on his sleeve. When he looked to his left he saw Y/N holding onto his sleeve with a pout and puppy dog eyes. His heart was about to blow.

“Please Suki?” You whined.

You basically embodied the “🥺” emoji. Bakugou had to turn away so he could deny your request.

“Mm mm” he said while staring out the window next to the table.

You let out a huff of frustration while looking towards your group of friends that were staring at you in desperation. You guys were going to get that beach day.

So you pulled onto Bakugou’s arm and pulled his side into your soft pillowy breast. You reached up and whispered into his ear to make sure no would could hear your next words. With a seductive voice, you spoke.

“Please daddy?”

——————————————————————————

And now here we are. The Bakusquad currently on a road trip to the beach at 9:45 p.m. Y/N riding shotgun, Mina and Kirishima in the seats behind you, Kaminari and Sero in the third row right infront of the trunk, and Bakugou behind the wheel. He was just thankful that there was almost nobody driving around here or else they would’ve noticed this young group of teens driving late at night. He was also very thankful that during lunch yesterday, nobody noticed his raging boner after Y/N whispered in his ear.

“Oh my gosh!! We’re almost there!” Mina squealed from behind.

Although it was almost 10, the weather was still really warm so it would be a fun night. Just the moon, the stars, the sand and sea, and your best friends. Perfection.

“Oh! Suki, you missed the turn for the shortcut.” You pointed out.

“No I didn’t dumbass, we’re taking another shortcut.” Bakugou replied.

“Umm, says who exactly?” You retorted.

“The one driving this damn car, now settle your fine ass down before I kiss you.” Bakubitch replied with.

“Ok, just because you add a little flirt and flare to your reply doesn’t mean your in the right.” You stated.

“Oh but I think it does.” Bakugou came back with.

“Oh! Okay Bakubitch, I don’t know who you think you’re getting smart with-“

“I know exactly who I’m getting smart with, teddy bear.” Katsuki said with a smirk on his face.

“.....Fight me. Fight me right now.” You deadpanned while obviously joking.

“I’ll beat your ass any day of the week you shitty woman-“

“Except you’ll LOSE Bakubitch.” You added.

“You wanna fight that bad, huh shitty woman?!” Bakugou now started yelling in a very Bakugou manner.

“I do! I really do Katsuki! Bring it on Explosion boy!” You said

As you and Bakugou started going at it with your words in the car, the squad was starting to get a little tired of this endless pining. JUST DATE EACH OTHER ALREADY. Mina finally snapped.

“OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT?.....I’m just gonna say it.” Mina started with.

‘Huh’ You looked behind you while Bakugou took glances from time to time in his mirror to see Mina as she spoke.

“Why don’t you cut the horse shit, and get to the part where you admit your feelings for each other?” She added on.

“WHAT?!”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh spare me, spare me, spare me!” Mina went on with. Then, Kirishima joined in.

“Yes yes Y/N, he’s a brute, I know-“

“Hey!” Bakugou interrupted but Kirishima just continued.

“He probably reminds you of a bad relationship and gosh you’d like a real nice man to settle down with,” he added on.

“But admit it! You’re real curious to know what he’s like in the sack nowadays!” Kaminari joined in.

“You idiots are dead meat,” Bakugou said.

“And you! HA!” Mina began to speak. “Well you’re just a big man baby who’d rather act tough then show his true feelings because the last time you opened your heart, you got hurt.....OWIE” Mina said in a baby voice.

“And now,” Sero began, “rather than admit these feelings, you’re dancing around one another with this mind numbing and frankly boorish mating ritual.”

Mina spoke once more.

“So PLEASE, for our sake, either quit your bickering, or PULL OVER, TEAR OFF THOSE CLOTHES, AND GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!!!”

(Silence)

“Aye, I said what I said.” Mina concluded with her hands up at her side in defense.

As Bakugou and Y/N blushed ferociously, the squad behind them finally settled until Bakugou sped up, swerved the car and hit the brakes.....he was parking.

“Oh look, we’re here.” He said.

As he turned around to look at the group, he saw his friends all mixed up and thrown around the van.

“You guys good?” Y/N asked as she turned around in worry.

“Ugghhhhhh.” Her friends replied, clearly a little bruised.

“Alright then, let’s get going!” Y/N said with a sweet smile and exited the car.

——————————————————————————

After everyone had changed into their swim suits, everyone began setting up. The girls stayed behind with Denki to help set up the towels and seats and bring out the coolers, food, and tables. Bakugou, Kirishima, and Sero went out to collect firewood for the bond fire they were gonna make.

As you looked around the beach, you were glad that nobody was around. You guys could be as loud as you wanted, do what you wanted, and just have an awesome night. And the fact that this was a wild beach meant that there was so much more to do. You guys could go cliff diving, mountain climbing, or forest roaming. No lifeguards to stop you.

As the guys came back with fire wood, Mina and Denki pulled out the cooler.

“Hey guys~, guess what we have!” Mina said.

The group watched as Denki pulled out various beers, wine coolers, and a bottle of Hennessy and shot cups.

“Alcohol?” Kirishima asked, “where’d you guys get that.”

“We grabbed it outta my garage fridge. My family likes to turn up a lot so we also got some spares hanging around,” Kaminari explained.

You guys weren’t first time drinkers. You were high schoolers and you’ve been to parties so of course you guys have already had your first taste of alcohol. Hell, even Bakugou had some before. What can he say, he couldn’t help himself after he saw his friends seem to be enjoying themselves a little too much after getting drunk the first time.

As you started the fire with your quirk, everyone else began to get comfy near the blazing flame. Denki was the last to sit since he went to grab his acoustic guitar to play some tunes. When he finally sat down he began to sing a song.

“Let’s sit around the campfire and sing our campfire song! Our C-A-M-P—“

“NO!” The group all yelled.

“Oh alright!” The electric blonde huffed.

The group all laughed and Kaminari then began to play a chill melody on the instrument. The group was happy, laughing, enjoying themselves and having so much fun...well one of them did have something on their mind but nonetheless still enjoying themselves.

Faces were being stuffed with delicious food, alcohol was being passed around, rounds of shots were being downed like water, and everyone was having a good time. A little game of truth or dare started up and ended after Kaminari and Kirishima both threw up in separate bushes after being dared to kiss each other by Mina.

“Never again,” Kaminari said.

“Yeah I’m good with never having to get kisses from my bro again.” Kirishima sighed.

“Oh whatever you big wussies. It was a fun game while it lasted.”

Everyone laughed in agreement.

“Alright well,” Sero spoke, “we all came to the beach, why don’t we get to the main event. I’m gonna go for swim, you guys in?”

As everyone agreed they all started walking to the water. Well except for two people. As Y/N was walking to the shoreline, a hand stopped her as it grabbed onto her arm.

“You idiots go, me and Y/N are gonna join you later.” Bakugou said to the group and they all said their ok’s and went in. “You, come with me.”

As you and Bakugou walked back to the car, he asked you a question.

“So..you’re not drunk are you?” He asked precautiously.

“Just a little tipsy but I’m still in control. Still aware of everything, so no. I’m not drunk.” You answered.

“Ok cool.” He said as he got into the driver’s seat. Once you finally got in and buckled up, he drove off. In the middle of the drive, you asked him a question this time.

“Hey Suki? Where are we going?”

“I found a special place while I was looking for wood. I wanna show you.” He simply stated.

As he continued to drive off to wherever you rested your hand on the center between you and Bakugou and let your face sit in your right palm as you stared out the window. The songs playing throughout the car gave it a loving and chill vibe. You enjoyed the comfortable silence.

As you continued to stare off, you felt Bakugou’s hand intertwine with yours. You looked back and saw he was blushing while holding onto the steering wheel and staring at the road. Man, he was so hot. In nothing but his swimming trunks as he leaned into his chair and drove off. His defined abs and chiseled chest was definitely eye candy. His giant veiny hand gripped the wheel and his jaw was so sharp as he turned and looked around for other drivers. Yeah, Bakugou was definitely one of those people that looked attractive as hell when they began to drive. You looked down at your hands and squeezed his. You were really enjoying this car ride.

When the car came to a stop, you finally noticed how you were in the middle of the forest.

“Where are we Suki?” You asked him.

As he grabbed your hand he spoke, “just follow me teddy bear.”

You guys walked for what felt like a good thirty minutes until you came across.....a cave?

“I know it doesn’t seem like much but wait until you see the inside.” Bakugou said. As you walked in, you finally realized where he took you. A gorgeous crystal cave. Its colors were shining and its gems were sparkling. All the walls were covered except for the top where there seemed to be an opening. It was letting all the moonlight enter the cave causing the crystals to sparkle even more, including the giant pool of water at the center of the cave.

“Suki it’s beautiful,” you said in awe.

“Yeah, knew you’d like it,” He began.

You both sat down at the edge of the pool just dipping your legs in and enjoying each other’s company.

“Y/N.” Bakugou said.

“What’s up Suki?” You asked.

“I can’t help but keep thinking back to what Mina and the others said in the car.” He admitted.

“What? About pulling over and tearing off each other’s clothes?” You chuckled.

“No. About our feelings for each other.” Bakugou said as he just stared at the pool.

“Oh. That.” You calmly said with a hidden smile and soft blush.

Bakugou grabbed onto your hand before speaking again.

“Y/N I really, really, really, really, really love you....a lot. And I’m so sorry for everything I said and did,” Bakugou started.

“Suki....” you softly said while looking at him. You noticed he was staring down at your arm where your now tiny burn mark was. A scar that won’t be forgotten and a memory that was permanently burned into your skin. Literally.

You saw how Bakugou cringed at the sight of it.

“I am so, so sorry for everything. I don’t even know what I could say that could even make up for what I did. Every night memories of what happened keep coming back to me and I’m still in complete shock that I could even do that. To you of all people! The love of my life....I’m just really glad that you said you’d come back to me and that you gave me another chance to get close with you again. I know I said I would wait for you for as long as it takes but I don’t wanna wait anymor-“ Bakugou was cut off as you raised his head to give him a deep kiss. As he kissed you back, Bakugou put everything he couldn’t say as words into that kiss, hoping you’d understand.

When you finally pulled away, you leaned your forehead onto his while staring into his ruby eyes.

“I don’t want to wait anymore either, Suki.”

With that, Bakugou gave you the biggest smile you’ve ever seen. He pulled you in for another kiss and a tight hug.

“So....you’re mine again?” He asked.

“I was always yours Suki. You’re my one and only after all, right?” You teased.

“Right.” He proudly stated. Katsuki Bakugou finally got his girl back. He finally got his love of his life and his teddy bear. His world felt like it came back together again and he no longer felt lost.

After you both spent more time in the cave, exploring, finding all the gems, and enjoying your renewed and fixed love, you and Bakugou found yourselves back in the same spots you were sitting in when you first arrived.

With his eyes closed, chin resting on your head, and an arm wrapped around your waist, with you cuddled into his side and leaned onto his chest, you had a realization.

“Oh hey, Suki.” You said.

“What’s up teddy bear?” He asked with his eyes still closed.

“We never got to go swimming” you said with a pout.

As he opened one eye to look at you, he noticed your adorable pout and the simp in him came out along side with the devil.

“Alright then princess, let’s go for a swim. We have this crystal pool all to ourselves so why not?”

As you gleamed with excitement, you excitingly got up to jump into the water but before you could, Katsuki stopped you.

“Not so fast princess. Our little game of touch and tease is over now since your mine again. I wanna make up for lost time,” he said with a smirk.

“So you’re saying...?” Y/N asked confused.

“We’re going skinny dipping.”

At first it shocked you but then again, this is Katsuki we’re talking about. So you played his little game.

“Maybe your game of touch and tease is over but mine is still running.” You said with a smirk as you walk towards him. You placed your hand on his toned abs as you began speaking again.

“You wanna go skinny dipping Katsuki?” You then slowly went up to whisper in his ear.

“Then let’s get in daddy.”

As you walked away from him you started to undress yourself in a seductive manner. You started with your bikini top, pulled on the string to untie it and tossed it to the side. As you stepped to the pools edge, you did the same to your bikini bottoms and looked over at Katsuki. You didn’t fully face him as you spoke, but as you were holding up your chest pretending to cover yourself up, you showed just enough cleavage to get him riled up.

“You coming or not?” You teasingly asked before you stepped into the water letting its surprisingly warm temperature surrounded you. You had an idea and used your quirk to turn the pool into a hot spring. As the steam surrounded you, a blush from the heat began to show on your face and Bakugou couldnt hide his hard on inside his thin trunks. He undressed himself and entered the now spring.

A/N: YALL I DIDNT REALIZE HOW LONG THIS WAS SO THERE WILL BE A PART 4 COMING OUT RIGHT AFTER THIS ONE. I LITERALLY CANT TYPE ANY MORE SO STAY TUNED!!!

[incurablyromanticsblog]

Don't know how people are gonna feel about this but Loki should've been dealt with the way they dealt with Lucifer (from the Netflix show) I mean while the show straight up dismissed loki's feelings, lucifer netflix really showed us the natural and organic character growth with ups and downs while still maintaining the comic hilarity (WHICH WASNT AT THE EXPENSE OF THE MC). It's love interest and side characters are all original characters dealt as independent characters rather as brownie or plot points.

And the scenes that prompted me to think this?

1. Lucifer asking his Mazikeen to cut off his wings because he's moved past being a pawn in his father's 'Great Plan'. We could've had loki come to this conclusion and tell Mobius (who would've been an actual all out ally who was forced into doin lg what he did) that he no longer wanted any place in a land that hated him. (Once again like Lucifer calling the silver city hell)

2. Lucifer actually being the way he's supposed to be (angel of light, light bringer etc.) We could've had Loki act like the way he Actually Is. Not like how @iamnmbr3 so eloquently put it 'like larry the dumb lookalike'. We could've had Loki being stern yet having that air of sarcasm and wit that he had in his the films. His eloquence, his physical prowess (none of the falling flat on his face stuff, a lot of people talk about how he was trying not to hurt the people in ep 2 but srsly Loki would just immediately disarm them), and most of all his agency and refusal to cower or the pathetic attempts at lying.

3. Costumes. The lucifer netflix team had an extensive costume department that ironically pales in comparison to what disney is capable of but still we see Lucifer have a wide array of clothes and styles. Have Loki take the first chance to change his clothes. If he wants the 50s aesthetic have at it! he can wear the tuxedos and the nice leather. Or maybe change into some nice Viking-inspired leathers and battle armor. Have him as a pirate, or a knight or a cowboy. You're traveling through time good man! you can at least hit some of the cool spots.

4. In depth analysis of lucifer's mental health. the only episode of the Loki tv show I liked (loose term) is the first one cause it's the only one that gave a fraction of what we were promised: an insight into loki. That's it.

5. Lucifer's organic growth. This is self-explanatory. Loki watched one video and was good. Very good five stars. I understand that they only had six episodes but come-on. You could've had the subtle changes through out all the eps and lead to the big finish finally. With each episode focusing on certain aspects of Loki.

5. Lucifer's exploration of self-loathing. This deserves to be a separate point because Istg it was done so well. Basically lucifer messes up and he's faced with the hatred that's been conditioned into him (not unlike Loki) and then he learns what it is and actually tries to love himself. And not by kissing a female variant of himself (ew and also respect the gender fluid persons). He actually saw the good in him by reflecting and his actual good friends helping him.

6. Lucifer actually wanting to be good. Look Idc what shut mike waldron wrote, loki is not selfish when his whole arc has been doing things for asgard, thor, odin, frigga etc. We all know that New York was mind control, I do not know why it's being swept under the rug. But here's the thing, that self loathing I mentioned earlier is a huge part of Loki thinking he's some monster and intent on proving it.

7. Lucifer facing his 'devil-face'. Loki should've come to terms with his Jotun heritage. The TVA could've had a case in Jotunheim concerning the Royal Family and Loki could've seen the entirety of Jotunheim and it's people not just that most-likely war propaganda the Asgardians force-fed him. Maybe have him meet his siblings or better yet his mother. There's a very nice fic on A03 called Asgardian Galdr that deals with this beautifully.

8. Luicfer having a Breakdown and Crying: First off this happens gradually, his problems pile up etc etc. and he faces off his father and gets angry until he finally breaks down. And basically God says, "I'm sorry but i can't fix you," And Lucifer in all his grief and desperation asks, "But you're God,'. I know we talk a lot about Loki being made weak in the Show but that's specifically about him being made weak and helpless to make Sylvie seem like a stronger character (Don't get me started on the Sif and Narcissm scene istfg), But maybe seeing Loki try awkwardly to be good and near the finish of the show we see it blow up in some angsty way? only for some conversation like this to happen and have Loki understand that being good is something that is innate and something he already had the potential for all along. Maybe learn that he's not lawful good but as always the morally grey character we know him as. (Protector of misfits, god of outcasts i.e all the shit Marvel shat on) and rise as the God of Chaos and Stories against the rigid bonds of The TVA and essentially Kang.

9. Lucifer having a nice healthy romantic interest and relationship. Lucifer and Chloe's relationship is more often than not the main point of the show but no matter how much it is focused on it remains health, organic and not a weird allegory for something disgusting. Even if Sylvie weren't a Loki (once again ew) the whole dynamic was toxic. She constantly put him down, and invalidated his feelings (Sounds like Odin huh?) and guess what Loki fell in love with her after one day, one conversation of what love was and Mobius calling her his girlfriend (he also said that it was freakish and i agree). We could've had Sigyn sweet lord. (I'll make another post about this)

10. Lucifer's Sexuality. There is a whole episode in which Loki's paramours are getting murdered and they all vary from men to women to all that comes in between. And there's no shame, no offensive jokes. Have Loki flirt with dudes, i understand ms.karen that this is for children, don't worry the casual sex ;) was offscreen. Have Loki turn into a woman and flirt with woman cowards, maybe make some questionable remarks about horses (That make Sigyn laugh)

11. Lucifer's Powers: lemme sum up, Lucifer can, let's call it, use compulsion on people. He is known for his strength and prowess and abilites to grant favors. Have Loki shapeshift into animals, absolutely mauling people. Have him use his silver-tongue to coax people into making or changing history (Yes Brutus, Caesar is getting to be a bit much, say have you heard how sharp knives are?)

I'm pretty sure there's more that i can't remember rn. And here is one thing i would like to make very clear.

You are not bad for liking the show or hating it whatever. The problem is that the show framed a lot of bad things as good (Anything the TVA did, Mobius' torture session with Loki, the way Sylvie treated Loki only for them to become romantic partners, the Sylkie fiasco as it was offensive to genderfluid people and the bare fucking minimum of LGBTQ and POC rep). The show was also marketed specifically to make us think hey! Loki might actually be the main character only for it to blow up in our faces. We were also promised an actual plot rather than a constantly plot twisting concept that could've been worth something.

Also i'm still working on a Loki fic rn after which i will write a Loki(TV) Rewrite but unitil then ig.

[momoliee]

It’s probably too early for The Meta No One Asked For That I’m Gonna Write Anyway about XQC, alas…here we go

Dr. Xie Qingcheng, 32, male, straight (so far), 180 cm with only one current family member.

Xqc is introduced as a cold, aloof and apathetic retired doctor who has no passions, cares about nothing except for his sister, and unless he’s angry, you can barely get an emotional response out of him.

Through meatbun’s character notes on how he has no favorite food, no favorite color or animal, no personal preferences outside what’s most practical and how he’s very very responsible and rules abiding and honest and sober and serious, and through he yu’s POV that continuously paints him as this heartless cold blooded person, I dare say we were…deceived by this so far shades of gray picture we had of him.

Xqc was born into a finically stable middle class family consisting of two cops for parents and a younger sister that came into the world 8 years after him. When he turned 13, and his sister was only 5 at that time, his parents were fired from their job due to a case they shouldn’t have been investigating going wrong, and they had to move to a rural area. Not long after that, he witnessed both his parents’ deaths and saw their corpses with his own eyes, the site was bloody and there’s no way it didn’t traumatize a pre-teen like him. He then was tasked with taking care of his sister, becoming a doctor despite not wanting to, owing others favors and spending all his money on smth that’s yet to be revealed instead of enjoying it. He got married, not to a woman he loves but to someone whom he thought of as “suitable and appropriate”, got cheated on and went through a divorce before losing full interest in the marriage life. He was finally able to retire (we don’t know why yet) and live a quiet, normal, boring life.

I believe xqc loved his parents, I believe he loved them so much cause in chapter 20, he mentions how he thought he wouldnt be able to live past the grief, he wouldn’t be able to go on or move forward, how the grief completely overtook him. He also mentions how he used to play with knots and handcuffs when he was a child, which shows how close he was to them. So for a child who had a good stable life with two loving parents to suddenly fall from a class to a class, suddenly lose both parents and see their corpses with his own eyes, that must’ve fucked him up big time. I’m talking “when can I fully register all of this” kind of fucked up. But he didn’t have time to fully absorb all of this, didnt have the time to sit down and cry, he had a sister, she was only 5, where will they get the money from? What were they gonna do? How was he going to continue school while caring for her? He didn’t have the time to sit down and grief, to sit down and adjust. For a child who had a normal life and didn’t have to worry much about the money like every other middle class kid, he was suddenly burdened with poverty AND loss, and duty and responsibility. Good bye to the days of playing with handcuffs and knots huh?

You ask me, why does xqc not have a favorite food? I answer you, because many many nights, he didn’t know what to feed his sister, much less himself. Cause I bet that many nights, he would have to give up his portion for Xie Xue, to make sure a kid like her is full. Cause he couldn’t afford to be picky, couldn’t afford to choose; whatever was edible will be eaten, taste and flavor be damned. He had to start working from a young age, balance school, babysitting and working all at once. The last friend he made (I think) was that Chen Man guy whose parents were friends with his parents, back when they were alive and life was good. He didn’t have time to make friends, or go out, or have a favorite color or visit the zoo and decide on a favorite animal. No, he had to study, and study hard to become more financially stable and support Xie Xue, he had to raise his baby sister and protect her, he had to work or else how will he put food on their table? Yet he never lost his soft kind heart, cause when his sister asked for a laptop, he bought her one just so that she wouldn’t feel less than any of the other children.

Xqc had to SURVIVE, he had to make do with what he had and what he didn’t have. He didn’t have time to sit down and cry or process his trauma, didn’t even have time to think of adolescent love or his youthful days or do what kids his age did. And all of that carried forward into his adult life. He pushed his emotions back so hard and had his practical, business like mind take care of everything in order to make it through the days. He started to believe that passionate emotions such as love and hate and lust and desire were all a waste of time, a distraction from his duties, smth that will rock the delicate balance he created with his everyday busy schedule. Emotions will stunt you, emotions will delay you, crying and not going to work today means no food to feed his hungry sister with. That’s when he started thinking, strong emotions are a DISEASE, they will take up your time, cloud your judgement, have you make reckless decisions that you’ll regret later. And he couldn’t afford any of that right? Strong emotions are for the weak, they put you in crutches and disable you from moving forward. Wasnt that what he told his ex wife? If he had submitted himself to his grief back then, where would his sister be? Where would he be? How could they have grown up to be healthy and successful adults?

So this man taught himself practicality and duty and priorities. He stopped thinking about himself, about what he wants and what he feels, and instead started making sure that those around him are happy and content and safe and well taken care of. He no longer had desires or passions, he only had rules and regulations. If a person lost their sense of taste, would they still want chocolates and burgers? Would they still have cravings and foods they’d rather swallow medicine than eat? No. If so, how will they decide on what to eat every day? They’ll simply start following a “perfect nutritional plan” and “balanced diet”. They’d eat what they have to eat, when they have to eat, and in the exact portion they need. To them eating would be another chore they have to do every day to keep their bodies going. Similarly, with xqc, graduating, working, marrying, taking care of his sister and auntie, these all became “tasks” and “chores” that he had to abide by and follow. They became the dietary plan for his life till he dies, the outline he shall follow, the textbook rules he will carry out, no need to think of what he “wants” or “desires”, what will make him “happy” or bring him “joy”. He no longer listened to his emotions when making decisions. Even when marrying his ex wife, he married her cause she was “a suitable match”, not for her looks or personality or anything. Feelings are life’s taste buds, and once you remove them, everything becomes tasteless and mundane, and practicality/logic takes over. He stopped knowing what it felt like to choose based on your preferences, cause he stopped having the luxury of choice ever since that night when he was 13, and he no longer was able to re-teach himself the meaning of free will and choice.

So when he yu, in chapter 20, asked him how he would’ve acted if Xie Xue had died, and he said, “I would’ve continued living as I am today till my last breath,” he wasn’t being “cold” or “heartless” or “indifferent” as he yu likes to say. He was being practical and methodical and thinking with a logical approach, rather than an emotional one, just the way he taught himself to throughout all these years. His almost 2 decades of pure survival mode and severely repressed feelings spoke in the form of autopilot. “I would do what I have to do, what I’ve always done every day of my life so far cause what choice do I have?” Is what he meant to say.

But I believe that he’s a soft hearted, kind and loving person. He never says no his sister, never says no to his auntie, helped that homeless man as best as he could, taught he yu that he was normal and that he wasn’t a monster, believed in treating his patients with words instead of medicine prescriptions, believed that the mentally ill deserve to live normally instead of being locked up. I believe that underneath all the shit he has buried, there’s a lot of passion and love that’s been kept dormant for 19 years.

In conclusion, idk where meatbun is gonna take his character but I genuinely hope he gets to heal, and start having more color and flavor in his life. Start allowing himself to live, not just survive.