#i mean it WAS deserved for tumblr live

[cinnamonest]

Also sorry for the temporary delay! Basically last week my phone completely died. I'd had it for 6 years so it was at the end of its lifespan, the battery suddenly went from 80% to 10% in the span of about 20 minutes and wouldn't charge, so I had to go buy a new one (and communicated with my family via skype in the meantime, and used my microwave as a wake up alarm, improve adapt overcome lmao)

Unfortunately since I was logged out on PC and I use 2FA, which is unique to the device it's implemented on, I quickly realized I was totally locked out of my Tumblr, but staff came through for me in less than 12 hours and helped me switch to 2FA on my new phone.

Thank you Tumblr staff 🙏

[sixoclocker]

I'd love to see more Martlet and Clover interactions.

They deserve all the interactions with each other.

using this as an excuse to post this. we’re getting out of the underground with this one !!!!

they mean a lot to me ..

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[obiwan]

Are you really so blind that you think all Americans are racist idiot white fucks who fucking wanted this?? Okay fine fuck the rest of us who are going to suffer the direct consequences of this. Fuck The people who HAVE been suffering and whose votes were worth fuck all because of gerrymandering and threats of violence.

We will die before you ever face the consequences as a European because our own neighbours wanted us dead and you have already decided we deserve it. Your defeatism is not helping anyone anywhere in the fight against fascism.

We're fucking people. We deserve to live.

you have abhorrent reading comprehension if that was your takeaway from what i wrote. where the fuck did you even get that i’m okay with suffering of anyone who didn’t vote for that pos? i simply said it’s a decision that’ll affect the rest of the world for worse, so i don’t understand people who “only” see it as a US problem, because it’s not, it’s more of defeat for humanity. i’m from a middle eastern shithole dictatorship who’s had to follow each US election so i fully know what it entails but your self centered american ass wouldn’t comprehend that. now fuck off.

[doostyaudi]

Redesigned an old oc of mine.. Again. This is like.. His 5th redesign throughout 3 years. Idk why i can't ever think of a solid design for this guy 😭😭 i think i finally have it tho!

I've had this guy for abouttt 3 years.. God is that how long ive been here?? Anyways he decided to invade my brain again and he refuses to leave

Him n sheriff r my everything, they were my first oc x canon pairing in this fandom.. Ill draw more of them in the future if i feel like it

[winepresswrath]

beloved nemesises.

[dykedvonte]

I feel like THOSE parts of the mouthwashing fandom would absolutely explode finding out that stuff like blood Meridian has a goofy fandom too

I think it’s less that the fandom is goofy and more people think people goofin around or with the sensitive subject matter don’t get the themes or plot or just avoid thinking about it.

I know a lot of people do but like it’s a fandom. People are gonna do weird or crazy shit and I just think we should use the block button more than openly inciting harassment towards something you don’t like vs trying to bring awareness to genuine problems. There is overlap but sometimes what people are saying or how they are going about it is a little crazy.

Then again I’m not used to how people talk about things on sites like twitter or in very popular spaces so maybe this is like normal there.

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible

[cuteniaarts]

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Who's the fairest of them all?

[fluffle-writes]

I wanna. Pick them up in my mouth and shake 'em around like a dog obliterating a squeaky toy

[justalittlelogophile]

Icarus

It could be me

I think to myself

Just…just this once…it could finally be me

Foolish temptations of a delusionally reckless heart

For I so desperately loved the sun

Constantly chasing an embrace of warmth, of light

One I'll never get to hold

And just like Icarus of old

I fall every time

~Po

[rawliverandgoronspice]

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one of my major problems with my job is that I get sososo tired of trying to figure out how to interact with people in a way that is honest, productive, but also doesn't bruise anyone's egos, and I can feel myself getting worse at it as time goes on and it's genuinely what drains me and stresses me out the most by far

[funeralfire]

I've legitimately been thinking a lot about trans women lately and like the women I know in my life and how complex and human and real they are. Specifically because I understand the world is not kind to trans women and likes to generalize them horribly.

I know a woman who's an artist and spending her time dreaming about stars. I know another woman who's a terrible friend and manipulative as hell. I know one who's shy and sweet and so intelligent. Trans women can be so many things 💖

I really care deeply about trans women and I hope in my friend groups I'm a good ally to them and know to stand up vocally for them. Trans women deserve so much and they're given not enough. Everyone can do something to stop transphobia by speaking up when they hear it. Don't let your friends make transphobic jokes. Don't let your dad regurgitate trump's words. Protect the trans women in your life and everywhere else, they need to be loved and respected. Mwah! 🥰

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

hi what is wrong with me

[deathsmallcaps]

Ok I’m probably not the best person to say this, but I’ve been seeing a lot of (as of right now) accurate insults on how the CGI approach for the Live Action Little Mermaid movie, but please be mindful that you don’t take things too far, and *especially* don’t start going after Halle Bailey (Ariel’s actress) and to a lesser extent, Ariel the character.

Antiblackness is still an issue in a lot of fandom spaces, and it doesn’t just come out as using nasty slurs or stereotypes. It manifests as drawing Black characters lighter and/or with more white features, it comes out as removing Black partners from ships, and it starts out as plausibly deniable insults that get the door open to microaggressions and outright nasty comments.

I’m not saying that all discussion of the movie should be stalled, or even if it turns out to be an artistic failure, that it doesn’t merit discussion. I’m saying that you shouldn’t extend your vitriol to the characters and actors.

If you really feel the need to insult her, it might be worth a little introspection. Ask yourself, “Do I resent that they changed Ariel, or that they changed Ariel in this way?”. You’re not irredeemable if your personal answer isn’t kind. Just be more careful, try and observe how that sort of world view affects your behavior to others, and then course correct.

A lot of little kids would love to see another Black Princess. A lot of little kids would love to have a Black mermaid as a main character. Hell, a lot of adults would love those too. Black fantasy characters have long been excluded, transformed, killed, merely in the background, relegated to stereotypes, villainized and have hardly ever in the spotlight, especially in major productions.

Don’t make it harder for kids (and adults!) to see themselves on screen. Don’t ruin their wonder. So don’t make unkind comments. Keep it to yourself. Frankly, Halle looks beautiful, and I can’t wait to see the sparkles in her fans’ eyes as she swims across the screen.

[actual-changeling]

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