#i mean i realized this a few weeks ago and it's almost six months now but i'm still mad.

[asairayn]

me writing eclipse struggling with not knowing what he's supposed to look like and looking Wrong in sun's body and being unused to the way it moves and feels and then suddenly after FIVE MONTHS i realize WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE. WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE IN THE MINDSCAPE. FUCK. HE'S GOTTA LOOK LIKE SOMETHING AND THAT SOMETHING DEFINITELY ISN'T SUN OR MOON. GODDAMNIT. imma do some fucky shit with colors or whatever. like sure he doesn't have a MIRROR but he should either have rays or a hat and be used to whichever he has and he should be able to SEE WHAT COLOR HIS ARMS ARE

[thefallennightmare]

Ménage à Trois-six

*credit to me(the-fallen-nightmare) for creating the gif. feel free to use, simply credit me*

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: SMUT!! 18+ only please, swearing, angst, fluff.

Summary: Bucky has a proposition for Reader, something involving Steve. This trio, however, never expected for their lives to change after that night the way it had.

A/N: While writing this chapter, I realized that I don't really have an endgame for this story. I'm not sure where it will end so I guess we'll see how it goes! Tags are open!

Tags(open): @matisse030502 @buckystevelove @floral-recs @inlovewithametalarm @buckies-dolle @cjand10 @matchat3a @kamaria-sweet-writes @pono-pura-vida @miikayywhocares @kunaikunari @mousee555 @akmenia

The only sound that echoed throughout my small apartment was the chatter coming from the radio that was placed on top of my fireplace. It was some talk show that I had on every night  although I never paid attention to it. It was more so for background noise, something to keep my mind from wandering to terrible thoughts; of Bucky, the war, and if he was even alive. Even with the letter I received from him sitting on my lap, I knew that it wasn’t a sure sign that he was doing okay. The letter was dated from a few weeks ago, it just this morning being delivered to my mailbox. So it was only telling that anything could have happened to him in those few weeks. 

I did my best not to dwell on it though, letting the sound of the rain that pelted against my window calm my nerves. The loud crackle and pop of warmth radiating from the fireplace warmed my clammy body as I dug myself deeper into my couch. The talk show on the radio ended, now being replaced by soft tunes, and I let out a soft sigh wondering where Steve was. 

It had been almost a month since I had seen him last, we were talking on the phone the other day where he told me he would be returning soon from his small getaway. He said that he went away for a small vacation to visit an aunt that lived in New Jersey and he’d be back home tomorrow. The phone call ended with a promise to come over to see me. 

Steve was lying. 

He didn’t have an aunt that lived in New Jersey. Hell, he didn’t have any family anywhere. Bucky and I were all Steve had. He was avoiding me and with how the night went before he disappeared, I couldn’t blame him. 

Steve was on top, hips moving in slow languid strides. My legs wrapped around his back in a makeshift way to lock him into place. The tip of his cock hitting just the right spot and I leaned my head back onto my pillow, a moan of sheer ecstasy falling from my lips. 

“You’re so tight for me, doll,” Steve groaned into the crook of my neck. 

My nails scratched at the skin of his back. “Oh, Bucky.” 

Both of our bodies froze, the mistake shattering the small bubble of pleasure we had created. Steve slowly pulled out from my core, my body shivering at the sudden loss of warmth, and sat back on his legs. 

“You called me Bucky.” 

I bit the inside of my cheek and pulled the blanket over my naked form, suddenly feeling very insecure in front of him. 

“I didn't mean to,” I apologized. “It’s just Bucky has been heavy on my mind. It was only a slip of the tongue.” 

Steve didn’t bother to hear my apologies as he stood from the bed and made quick work of putting his clothes back on. I went to reach for him, fingers grazing his back. 

“Steve-” I started. 

“I should go,” he turned to face me. “I forgot I had something in the morning. Need all the sleep I can get.” 

My eyes fell. “But you always stay here.” 

“I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon,” Steve bid me a farewell with a soft brush of his lips to the top of my head. 

He didn’t call me the following afternoon. He didn’t call me for two more days, saying that he had to leave quickly to visit this aunt, needing to take care of her because she was sick or something.  

My cheeks burned with embarrassment as I replayed that moment over and over. I felt so stupid for letting Bucky’s name slip. I knew it was Steve in my bed but that did nothing to stop the worried thoughts of Bucky from clouding my mind. All I could think about was him 23 hours a day. It was an honest mistake for having his name slip. 

Steve and I had sex so many times since Bucky had left and not once during those times have I let his name slip. Surely, Steve had to know that it was an honest mistake. 

Right? 

Three knocks sounded on the other side of my door. With a raised brow directed towards the clock, I thought to myself, as I stood to answer, who would be visiting me so late in the evening. 

I gave a quick glance through the peephole of the door and breathed a long sigh of relief. 

“Steve,” I said after opening the door. 

The small blonde gave me his best smile. “Hi, doll. Can I come in?” 

Suddenly, anger filled my blood when I remembered that he had ditched me for a month and I pulled the door closer towards my body. “It’s late. I was actually about to head to bed.” 

“Y/N,” Steve sighed. “Please. I want to explain where I’ve been.” 

With a hand gripping the wood of the door, I sucked in my bottom lip to show that I was giving his words careful consideration. Even though I already knew my answer. I would let him inside, only because I wanted to know where he had been. 

After a nod, I stepped to the side allowing him to enter. We both decided on sitting on the couch, with some space between us. There was still an awkward tension between us, as thick as the silence, so I ran my sweaty hands on the bottom of my dress. 

“I want to apologize,” I said. “I truly didn’t mean to call you Bucky that night. It was the truth that I couldn’t stop thinking about him. But that still doesn't give me the right to call you another man's name.” 

Steve nodded. “I already feel inadequate compared to him so when I heard you say his name instead, I felt jealous and upset. But I shouldn’t have walked out on you.” 

“Steve,” I sighed and placed a soft hand on his knee. “You don’t need to feel that way. I don’t think you’re any different than Bucky. My feelings for the two of you are the same.” 

“But you don’t love me the way you do Bucky.” 

My shoulders fell and I thought of the best way to say my next words without hurting him. 

“I’ve been with Bucky for a long time now, of course I’m going to love him more. But with you, Steve. I can see myself slowly falling for you.” 

Steve stiffened in my grasp before shifting himself to face me. “I might have a way to finally feel equal to him.” 

I raised a confused brow. “But you don’t need to compete with him. Why do you feel the need you have too?” 

“That’s not the only reason,” he ran a hand over his chin. “All I want to do, besides being with you, is fight in the war.” 

“Steve,” I warned, not wanting to have this conversation yet again. 

The night before Bucky left, some German scientist heard Steve’s story and decided to give him a chance. That was months ago and we hadn't heard another word from the guy. Which made me wonder if he was legit or stringing Steve along. Which he never wanted to hear whenever I brought it up to him. 

“It’s not fair, Y/N. I should be there right alongside Buck. But I’m stuck here.” 

All he needed to do was see the hurt look flash in my eyes to notice how deep his words cut.

“Gee, thanks Stevie.” 

He sighed, reaching for me. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

The corner of my eyes dampened with tears but I hastily brushed them away, not wanting Steve to see me cry. 

“How did you mean it?” I shrugged. 

His mouth opened and shut a few times, trying to fight the right words. “I was finally given a chance, shouldn’t I do whatever it takes to prove that I was the right choice?

The passion in his voice caused my heart to flutter. 

“How can you prove yourself? By dying?!”

Steve linked our hands together, leaving faint kisses along my knuckles. “I’m not going to die, Y/N. Not with what Dr. Erskine has planned for me.” 

When I didn’t say anything, he took it as an indication to continue. 

“Can you promise to listen to everything I have to say before getting upset?” Steve asked. 

“Of course,” I said a bit too leery. 

“I lied about where I’ve been. I don’t have an aunt that lives in New Jersey.” 

I nodded, this revelation not being surprising. “I know. You’re a shitty liar.” 

“Thanks. I think,” the right side of his lips curled up into a light smile.

The sudden thought of if he was with another woman pressed deep into my brain and Steve could feel my hand begin to slip so he leaned in and left a short but heavy kiss upon my lips. I had been so taken aback but the force of it, I didn’t return it until he began to pull away. I frowned internally, wanting to taste him for a few more seconds. 

“I wasn’t with another dame. You’re the only one for me, doll.” Steve breathed across my lips. 

The corners of mine pulled up into a huge smile. 

“I wasn’t lying about where I was, though. I actually was in New Jersey,” he admitted. 

“What the hell for?” I snickered. 

It was then that he divulged exactly what he had been up to the last month, why he had gone in the dark and not returning any of my phone calls. My ears rang loudly with each word that fell from his lips and I couldn’t stop the way my knee bounced with sheer panic. 

When Steve finished, I had to sit quietly for another few beats before letting out a large breath. 

“This scientist, Dr. Erskine, created this serum that does what again?” I questioned, forgetting everything already. 

“I’ll become a super soldier; increased strength, speed, abilities that aren’t common among other men,” Steve reiterated in his previous words. 

“And you’ve been at a base camp training for this program?” I asked, still unable to meet his gaze. 

“I almost didn’t make the cut but Peggy vouched for me with Colonel Phillips,” Steve said. 

It was the second time I had heard that name but only this time, I actually decided to ask him about it. 

“Peggy?” I asked. 

He hesitated but reluctantly nodded. 

“I thought you said you weren’t with any other women,” the jealousy was evident in my voice but I couldn’t do anything to stop it. 

“Y/N,” Steve cupped my chin and forced me to look into his eyes finally. “You’re the only one I want to be with, to share this news with.” 

“And Bucky?”

He nodded. “Of course, Bucky. I hope there’s some way I can tell him the news without him freaking out on me.” 

I brought his palm to my lips, leaving a kiss upon it. 

“Are you sure this doctor is a sure thing? How do we know he’s not some quack trying to make a fast buck?” I stressed my concern. 

Steve brushed a strand of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. “He’s a good man, Y/N. You’ll love him when you meet him tomorrow.” 

My eyes doubled in size. “Tomorrow?!” 

“Yes, the procedure is tomorrow.” 

I pinched my eyes shut. “Oh, Stevie. Have you given this any thought? What happens if you’re not strong enough to take it? What if it has side effects that no one is aware of? What if-.” 

My rambling questions were cut off by Steve lowering me onto the couch, his lips covering my own. They moved in a euphoric sync that made my heart jump into my throat. I raked my hands through his hair in an effort to bring him close to me, his tongue pushing past my teeth and dancing with mine. His hips dug deep into my now heated core and I moaned into his mouth when I felt the tip of his aching cock that was pressing hard against his jeans, drag along the inside of my thigh. 

Finally, he pulled away and rested his forehead against my own. 

“Everything will be alright. I will be fine. If I didn’t trust Dr. Erskine, I wouldn’t have agreed to this,” Steve’s voice came out quiet. 

All I could do was nod, still reeling from the intensity of our kiss. 

“Will you be there for me?” 

My shoulders went rigid underneath him, unsure on how to answer. I knew he needed me there for support but the mere thought of seeing the disappointment on his face was enough to break my heart. Just because he trusted this doctor, didn’t mean I did. 

“Please?” Steve begged with another kiss to my lips. 

I melted into his embrace and nodded. “Of course, Steve. Anything to make you happy.”

We spent the next few hours tangled in each other's embrace, our moans of pleasure bouncing off the old wooden walls of my home. As much as I was consumed by Steve’s kisses all over every inch of my body, I couldn’t stop the worry I felt for his procedure tomorrow.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

Since Always, 'Till Forever -P.G

I really, really hope you guys like this! What started as a One Shot ended up being kind of like a mini series, I'm truly happy for all the feedback these fics have gotten. Thank you so much for the support, it means a lot! Please, tell me what you guys think of this, I would love to see your comments! (Let's pretend I didn't took a month and something to pull this out, 'kay? cool) FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED

You can read the first part Since Forever, and the second part Until Forever

Warnings: Lots of angst, heartbreaks, fights, some fluff at a certain point, suggestive content, this is a roller coaster of emotions to be honest🥴, lots of swear words

Summary: You and Pablo know you've been for each other Since Forever and you also know, you'll be there Until Forever because no one has what you both have.

May, 2023

“Gavira!” You yelled turning around with a smile on “I have a knife in my hand and I’m not afraid to use it!”

“¡Joder! I’m so scared”

“As you should, señorito!” You said trying to sound intimidating “I’m dangerous”

“Oh yes, yeah” Gavi nodded “You so are” He went along with you

“I really am!” You exclaimed dropping the act, pouting a bit

Pablo felt his insides twist seeing your lower lip pulled out like that; he wanted to grab it in between with his lips and never let it go. He wanted to taste it, feel their warm and their delicate texture.

It has been six months since he realized his feelings for you and four since he lived one of his nightmares.

After your guys talk during the Supercopa, you’ve been trying to reconnect from the moment your guys distanced, minus the feelings part from your side of course. It had been five months since you started dating Samuel and they were one of the best five months ever in your life.

He knew how to treat you, he knew when to act and when to step aside, he knew when to listen and when to talk, he never pushed you or your feelings away, you were his first priority and everyone could see the fact that he was deeply into you.

You hadn’t said this to anybody but Pedri, Samuel had already said his “I love you” to you and you felt guilty because you still couldn’t say it back, even though you were slowly falling into Samuel’s arms. You liked to think you were getting there, there were times were the three words almost escaped your mouth but you retracted them every single time, saving them up for “a better moment”.

Samuel was really cooperative and understanding, you loved him for it. Everytime he said it he whispered a little “It’s okay, you don’t have to say it back now. I’ll make my way into your heart, bonita”. And that was enough for you to start trying for Samuel again.

Meanwhile Pablo had to stand at the sides and watch you be in another guy’s arms, that weren’t his.

He kicked himself everyday for not noticing it earlier; maybe, if he had, he would be the one to hold you close to him, kiss you, cuddle you and do everything else with you and mostly when approximately two months ago he saw a hickey on your neck while being at his.

“You’ve a…” He took a deep breath pushing all those thoughts and mostly jealousy away

“A…?” He pointed a place in his neck as you seconds later groaned “I told him not to! I don’t like hickeys in my neck!” You exclaimed a bit head thrown back giving Pablo a better view of it, he sighed deeply “I still have my foundation here, right? I’m gonna go and cover it up”

He felt everything explode inside of him when he saw that mark, a reminder that you weren’t his. He, on the other side, loved the fact you went to cover it up.

Pablo didn’t like to address his feelings though; the only ones who knew about his love towards you were his sister and Pedri who found out in the most ridiculous way a few weeks back.

The Canario and the Sevillano were out of training, Pedri riding as Pablo was on the passenger seat like always, the youngest one was on his phone watching his Instagram when you came across his screen and he couldn’t help but click it, you had published an story of Samuel with you at Uni and bringing you, a big bouquet of your favorite flowers ‘Estas si que son unas lindas motivaciones para querer estudiar’and there was another one that showed a card with what Pablo could imagine was the guy’s handwriting. Even Samuel’s handwriting was better.

It had your name written and you put a little caption ‘Smash it in your presentation, he said<;3’ Pablo groaned rolling his eyes inevitably making the oldest one look at him in curiosity

“Something’s wrong?”

“Samuel Carnevale is what’s wrong”

“You don’t like him? He’s a nice guy and he likes Y/N”

“That’s why I don’t like him” Pablo let out not fully remembering his feelings for his best friend weren’t public

“Why don’t you like him?” Pablo shook his head

“I just don’t like him”

Pedri was silent for a few minutes until they stopped at a red light “Do you like Y/N?” Pablo’s eyes didn’t met Pedri’s but instead looked down at his phone where he had a pic of you two as his background  “You like her”

“Actually, I love her” Pablo corrected

“WHAT?! WHY-?!”

“It was during the World Cup, she wasn’t really talking to me and I didn’t wanted to tell her over text” Pablo said immediately

“…Eres un tonto”

“Well, thank you”

“She had waited for you to notice that for the longest time and now when she’s moving on you’re going to pull her that shitty move?”

“I won’t pull any kind of move on anybody. I’ll let her be happy with Samuel” Pablo shook his head “I know I’ve fucked up but I’ll wait for her” Pablo said “That’s the only thing I can do right now, no matter how much it hurts me”

“Well, felicitaciones por ser el último idiota que se dio cuenta que la amabas. Can I say I told you so?”

Pablo sighed shaking his head “You don’t need to. I’ve been telling myself those four words ever since I realized my feelings and didn’t acted on them straight away”

“She cried so much” Pablo nodded

“I know she did” Pablo’s eyebrows got in their usual place “That’s why I’ll let her be happy with him for how long they be together even if it kills me,  if they break up and if she still wants me, shoot my shot”

“I can wish you good luck on that, we both know how Y/N is when she falls in love”

Pablo groaned knowing that if his best friend truly loved someone, it wasn’t that easy to make it go away and that’s what he held a little hope on to. For you to still love him. To give him a chance.

“You truly are; mi niña” Pablo said nodding smiling at you

“You better say that because I have pickles that I can easily put on your sandwich”

“You’re crossing a line over there, young lady” You laughed throwing a slice of onion at him “No! I don’t want to smell like onion!”

“You’d be a cute little and smelly angry onion!” You smiled at him and no matter how much he wanted to try and keep his serious face; he slowly erupted in a smile. He didn’t know how he couldn’t have realized his feelings sooner. He wanted to smash his head against every surface possible

“Es que no puedo contigo” Pablo said shaking his head as you threw another slice at him “¡Hostias, Y/N, parale!” Your laugh told him it was worth smell like onion just to hear that angelic sound and see the happiness on your face

He’ll do anything to keep that smile forever, but just when he thought nothing could ever make you guys separate, your phone started ringing as he saw the ID, he felt his heart fall to the floor.

You instantly reached out for your phone and shooting Pablo a small smile you left the kitchen to attend the call. He felt another tug of his chest and sighed.

Two weeks later

Pablo was deeply asleep when he felt his hand vibrate; he furrowed his eyebrows and opened his eyes to see what was happening. His phone was in his hands and he remembered falling asleep with it while talking to you. The brightness of it, blinded him for a few seconds

“Joder”

 He cursed out taking his other hand to his eyes rubbing the sleep away for a bit but it was only needed to see your name across his phone to make him snap out of it

“Hello” He picked up

“Hey” He heard your voice “Can I come over?”

“Sure, something’s wrong?”

“No… I just- I had a fight with Samuel nothing too much but I don’t feel like being alone” You said “I… I’m sorry, I know you have early training tomorrow I shouldn’t have called but-”

“No” Pablo cut you off shaking his head “Don’t worry about it, Y/N/N. I’m here, always will be” A bit of silence overpowered the line for a few seconds “I’m waiting for you”

“I’m already on my way, Pablito” You said softly. When you came to Pablo’s house, you immediately grabbed him and hugged him

“Are you okay?” You nod

“I just… Feel weird” You spoke as Pablo carried you both towards his couch, you on top of him cuddling

“Did he touched you?” Pablo pulled away from you

“No! No! God no! He wouldn’t be talking nor walking if he had!” You shook your head and that eased Gavi for a bit

“What’s wrong then?”

“I just… This isn’t the first time we fight during this week and I don’t know everytime it ends I feel with this need of being anywhere but close to him, he makes me so angry and for the stupid little things ever”

“Why are you fighting?”

“He’s been stressed about his final project at Uni” You said shaking your head “And gosh, everything irritates him! I breathe and he’s off, my phone goes off and he goes off too, Aladdin barks and he goes off, Wifi doesn’t work and he goes off! Everything pisses him off and it’s making me so angry because whenever I’m stressed, I don’t yell at anyone! I just go to the gym to the punching bag and discharge my everything there” You put your hands on your face and yell into them “And I just can’t stand him right now, like… He told me I was absolutely mad! God, he’s gorgeous, so pretty, beautiful but so irritating” Pablo’s eyebrows went up when he heard the adjectives “And sorry for coming here to bother you with my problems. You shouldn’t even be awake in the middle of the night but still here you are” You put your head in the middle of his chest

“It seems like not everything is pink and roses” You punch him lightly making him laugh

“I know not everything it’s pink and roses” You sigh sitting up, making Gavi grab your waist and get comfortable with his head on the armrest “I just think that he’s overreacting, I saw his thesis and it’s too damn amazing, it’s normal that he stresses out, I do that as well but I don’t go around the world screaming at something or someone because I can’t find this correct word to describe something or something like that” You said “I didn’t feel like staying tonight with him” You shook your head “And that’s how I’m here” You looked down at Gavi and find him smiling lightly at you “What?” You asked softly eyebrows scrunched up

Gavi took one of his hands up to your forehead and gave it the same light touches you give his to make his frown go away, the action made you smile widely

“You’re not pretty with your forehead scrunched up, that’s my thing” You laughed lightly

“Sorry” You shook your head, Gavi’s hand coming back to your waist “I’m just irritated, annoyed, mad”

“And that’s okay” He said “I hope everything turns out okay for you, Y/N/N. And I also hope Samuel gets his job done in peace”

“That makes us two” You both laughed

“I can understand him” You hum

“And so can I” You say “It’s his thesis, it’s his final college project” You shrug your shoulders “I guess I’ll be that way when I’m doing mine”

“God bless the poor man who’s with you in those times” You laughed together

“I’m not that bad”

“Yes, keep telling yourself that honey” He said and you laughed “What about we watch your favorite movie to help you distress and everything else?”

“Wall-e?” You asked

“And ice cream, I bought your favorite one” You got off of Pablo and jogged towards the kitchen “Bring me one too, please!”

“NO, THEY’RE MINE!” He heard you yell

Your mood instantly changed. You weren’t grumpy anymore and all it took Gavi was less than ten minutes for you to rant about your fight with your boyfriend, hear you out, be there for you and buy you your favorite Ice cream. It was something magical.

Gavi often didn’t liked being woken up at midnight hours but for you he would stay awake the whole night if he needed to, just to help you and make sure you were okay. That night, you both fell asleep in each other’s arms laid out in his couch. He swears he had never slept better in his whole life.

Soon, it became a little routine; whenever you fight with Samuel, you call your best friend, go to Pablo’s to calm down as he comforted you and fall asleep with him either on his couch, his bed, the floor, everywhere

Today was no different, two months had passed and you were once more laid on his bed with Pablo next to you, legs up to the wall

“SHE WAS TOTALLY FLIRTING WITH HIM, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FUCKING FACE!” You groaned covering your face with your hands “He had the audacity to say she’s just an ex, like what the fucking-?!”

“Tio, uno nunca debe decir eso” Pablo shook his head, showing disagreement with Samuel’s words

“I know, right? He told me I was overreacting, that I was being dramatic because he was dating me not her! That he loves me and not her… BUT YOU AREN’T FUCKING BESTIES WITH YOUR EX!” You yelled out angry, silence flowed the room as you took your hands off of your face “But you know what? I’m not going to just stand there, get hurt and watch; if he wants to spend his time with someone else, then I will do the same thing!”

“Yeah? Who are you gonna flirt with? Me?” You huff rolling your eyes

“Please, don’t flatter yourself that much”

“I’m gorgeous”

“And that’s why you have a bunch of thirteen years old girl fangirling over you in TikTok. If they met you, I’m pretty sure their crushes would vanish in a single second” You looked at him noticing a light pout on his lips and his eyebrows scrunched up, you laughed

“I’m lovely” You laughed agreeing

“You are. You are also pretty, Pabs; don’t worry about it” He smiled lightly

“Anyway… He knows all of your male friends are just that, friends”

“I don’t know I’m gonna go to a fucking pub and see if there’s anyone interested in me. Which would be a bit difficult but I can try”

“Why would that be difficult?”

“I’m not every guy’s type of girl, Pablo” He hums turning his face to watch you

“You’re right. Not every boy wants an amazing girl like you, just real man who knows what he wants” His words softened your face and heart.

For the first time since the starts of your relationship with  Samuel you had buried and tried to get the rid off your feelings for Pablo but right now, you had started feeling the same funny feeling you had done for a whole four years. You had succeeded until now. You smiled at him, without showing your teeth

“Thank you” You said as he smiled back

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N/N”

You looked away from him, watching your socked-clothed feet; you put your feet on top of his, your body closer as he welcomed you in his arms. Your head on his shoulder as he softly pushed his on top of yours, staying in silence for the rest of the evening, no more words were needed to say.

You were saying everything and at the same time nothing.

…

“Will you be at my presentation?” You asked sitting in front of Pablo during his lunch break, both of you eating

“Yes” He said mid-chewing “Es mañana, ¿verdad?” You nod furrowing your eyebrows “¿Qué pasa?”

“Don’t talk while eating, it’s rude and you look gross”

“You’ve seen me worse” Pablo shrugged his shoulders “¿Me recuerdas la hora?” He asked as you took a sip of his cholocate milk

“9:30”

“I’ll be there at 9” You smiled

“You’re allowed to be a little late”

“I won’t” He reassured you with a smile “Need to always be there for my best and favorite girl”

“I’m your only, favorite and best girl” You push your eyebrows up

“That you are” He nodded high fiving you “Do I have to dress fancy?”

“Not that much but you can’t exactly appear in hoodies and cargos”

“Joder” He cursed out a bit making you laugh “Now, you’ll make me go shopping”

“¡Mentiroso! You’ve nice going-out clothes” He lifted his eyebrows

“I’ll see what I can do then” You smiled at each other

“¡Chicos, estamos listos!” Both of them snapped their heads at Xavi’s voice

“See you tomorrow then, Páez” You smiled getting up leaning over him to kiss his cheek and hug him by the shoulders

“See you later” He corrected grabbing you by the hands and not letting you get away from him

“What’s up?” You asked he pouted his lips a bit letting you know he wanted to give you a kiss. You smiled and putted your cheek on the front of his face; soon you felt his lips collide with your skin repeatedly, you giggled pushing him away

“Your kisses are wet” You whipped his saliva of your cheek

“No, you kept moving around, I couldn’t kiss you properly”

“Tonto” You pushed his face away laughing “See you later then” You pronounced heavily the later making him smile

You left the training grounds as Pedri, Ansu and Balde joined Pablo

“You are a goner for her” Ansu said as Pablo sighed nodding

“Yes, I am” He soon felt Pedri’s hands on his shoulders

“Venga, Pablito. We need to keep training”

Your leg was going up and down quickly as you received the news, you instantly had grabbed your teammate point and read it, whilst trying to remember yours at the same time; you were freaking nervous, everything seemed just wrong for you at that time and you wanted to be curled up in your bed, relaxed, crying and watching any kind of series. Everything was better than feeling this way.

A voice distracted you from your doings “¡Pero mira que preciosa estás!” Pablo exclaimed after seeing you with your group, you looked for his voice and immediately smiled seeing him walk over to you, your nerves easing a little bit.

“¡Y tú estás muy lindo! Extremely handsome” You said hugging him tightly; he kissed your cheek several times “I told you, you had nice out-going clothes” You felt him laugh against you before separating himself from you lightly. His hands still on your waist as yours rested on his biceps

 “All done to smash it?” Your smile fell and shook your head

“I have less than an hour to learn one of my teammate’s points, she couldn’t come and the professor’s want all the information” You started talking quickly, you started waving your hands a bit “I-I” You shook your head “I don’t think I can make it, like… I barely know mine” You laughed nervous “And Samuel is supposed to come with the empanaditas for the judges but I haven’t been able to reach out for him in the whole morning, the guys are getting impatient and I don’t have any more excuses as to why he isn’t here already” You took a deep breath feeling Pablo grab your hands “I’m not ready, I’ll not make it” You shook your head “I wanna leave, I wanna cry and throw up to be honest”

“Hey, hey” He said repeatedly “Where’s your mom?” He asked

“Already inside, so is dad and so are my brothers” You said

“And where are those empandas?”

“In my house”

“Ok, I have my key with me” He said nodding “I’ll go look for them, bring them back here and see you smash that thing, you meanwhile get pretty, don’t cry and read that fuckers teammate point”

“Pablo, no! Once you are in, you can’t come out!”

“You forgot I’m Barca’s golden boy, I’ll use everything I have and own but you’ll have me and those empanadas watching you and being proud of you, mi niña” He kissed your cheek quickly “I’ll go!”

He left you with your mouth full of words, after you didn’t see him, smiled widely.

He is the golden boy and when he wants something, he gets it, you couldn’t help but looked at your watch 9.05am; you sighed mentally hoping for him to get back in 25minutes, but as time went by, there was no signal of Pablo.

Your teammates were already in line to enter, you were last seeing as you were the one who closed the presentation and answered the questions, you sighed 9.30 and Pablo hadn’t make it. You were shaking, tears pooling in your eyes the words on the paper weren’t clear as they were before.

“¡Mi niña!” You heard his voice and turned around, Pablo was there jogging up to you. You sighed once more, this time in relief and ran not caring of your heels up to him

“You made it” You whispered feeling some tears roll down on your face

“Of course I did” He whispered “Had Pedri to drive me around, probably made him break a few laws, have to pay him those too” You laughed letting go of him “Hey, no. Don’t cry”

“It’s just too much” Pablo carefully, not wanting to ruin your makeup, wiped your tears away “Thank you” He smiled kissing your cheek

“No problem at all”

“No, really. Thank you. You have saved my ass once more” You grabbed the plastic bag full of the empanaditas “But, you have to get inside there, right now or you won’t be able to get in during the next forty seconds”

“Forty seconds leaves me time to do something…” He grabbed your hands “Smash it like you always have done, Y/N. Whatever happens I’m proud of you and I know you’ve worked so hard for this. You got it” You nod “Stop crying, that doesn’t make you look as pretty as you truly are” You laughed lightly “You can even give me the paper so if you forget about something, you can rely on me, I will pay attention to the words” You laugh once more giving him the paper

“And don’t fucking care about him. You’ve got your family in there… And you’ve got me, since always and ‘till forever”You smiled nodding, his arms wrapped around you “Te quiero y sé que esto no es nada comparado con lo que tú puedes hacer, guarda esos nervios para el platillo de verdad” You laughed feeling him tighten his arms around you, joining your foreheads

“I will do”

“You’re the fucking boss, mi niña. Smash it” One of your teammates called you signaling you it was time, you felt Pablo kiss your cheek

“Go” You said separating from him; he smiled jogging to the forum “Martín!” He turned around “¡Te quiero!” He smiled blowing you a kiss before entering.

Your eyes never left his while waiting your turn; both of you smiling at each other and when it was your time, your eyes searched his whenever you thought you’d forget something but you didn’t.

You managed your way, walking slowly from a place to the other showing confidence, supporting yourself onto your guys material and even cracked a few jokes along the way that made the judges and the entire audience laugh, you spoke with a smile on your face and a radiant light on your aura. You answered all the team questions with ease, as if someone had asked you, what’s your favorite food, Pablo’s heart swelled with proud watching you smash your presentation even though, you were crying a few minutes before that.

“Congratulations!” You hugged your family with a big smile on after you were out, your brothers had a little card with your name in it and cheering you on, you laughed at their silliness 

“Where’s Pablo?” You asked curious after hugging your family when you felt an arm wrap around your waist and lift you up in the air turning you around

“Pablo’s here!” He said after putting you down, you laughed turning to face him

“You’re crazy!”

“You love me like that!”

“Why did you left?” He smiled pulling out from his back his other arm; a bouquet of your favorite flowers were in front of you. You laughed feeling tears come up to your eyes “You didn’t have to” You whispered shaking your head with a smile on and accepting the flowers

“I know I didn’t. But I wanted to” He said with a loving smile “You deserve this and more though” Pablo smiled pulling both of his arms around you to keep you close to him “If it was for me, I would gifted you something more extravagant” You laughed “…But I know you like simple things”

“Simple things are the best” You replied

“They are” He agrees “But you deserve to be spoiled too” You shake your head “Stop crying” He shaked you a bit

“They’re happy tears, I swear” He with the pad of his thumbs, wiped your tears “Thank you”

“Don’t” He shook his head lightly “Don’t thank me. I will do anything for you in a heartbeat, Y/N/N” You smiled “Don’t let anyone ruin this big day for you, especially him” Pablo whispered as your smile slowly fell

“He’s good” You said “He loves me and he must have a good reason for not showing up today”

“If he doesn’t prioritizes you then he’s not good”

You looked down at the flowers, sighing. “He has to have a really good reason, he has never forgot something when it comes to me and much less something big as this is” You shrugged your shoulders. You truly hoped he had a good reason.

Even though, Pablo and your family had taken you out to eat, tried to lift your mood and got you to laugh sometimes, you were constantly checking on your phone to see if there were any messages of him. Nothing.

You thought you did a good job at hiding it but Pablo had read you completely. He sighed sadly. He was serious and he meant it when he said you deserved everything and better.

Your mood that day was halfway ruined. You wished you had all of your loved ones with you but Samuel was missing and the worst of everything it was that he never texted you that night to come up with some excuse, it broke your heart and for the first time in your entire relationship with him, you cried yourself to sleep.

You never liked the feeling of being forgotten ever since your parents confused their picking you up time you felt so bad, you started crying and crying, that much you had to sleep with them that night, you only had felt that way twice times in your whole life. And you never liked it. Three, now. Counting Samuel’s.

You woke up next day with a strong headache, ten messages of Pablo and the five messages of Samuel, you didn’t wanted to keep on reading on your phone.

Pablo Páez Buenos días. How are you feeling? I’m sorry Samuel is an ass Please don’t let him ruin your mood ever again I saw you yesterday and I wouldn’t like to see you like that again. Much less for a boy. Te quiero mucho Would you like to spend the day with me? Aurora and my family will come later; they are hoping to see you.  Text me whenever you can, please

Samu✨💖 Preciosa I’m sorry I completely forgot about it And I feel so mad at myself Have dinner with me tonight to make up for it?

You sighed, head throbbing with a headache for crying so much. It was too early to be debating yourself from this kind of things, so you just picked Pablo’s message and replied a single yes, you’ll face Samuel later.

…

“So… Are you coming for dinner with Rora with my parents or what?” Pablo asked calling you while having lunch, he was training today.

Your eyebrows furrowed hearing him ask that

“I told you yes, that I wanted to go” You say confused “It’s been a while since I’ve seen them, so yes”

“You didn’t told me anything”

“Yes I did” You say nodding

“No, you didn’t”

“Páez, I messaged you this morning”

“Y/L/N, you did not messaged me this morning. I haven’t heard of you since last night until right now that I’m talking to you”

You laughed in disbelief “The joke’s not funny” You said

“It isn’t a joke, mi niña”

But it truly wasn’t a joke because as if on cue, a message of Samuel appeared on your screen

Samu✨💖 Dinner is reserved Meet me there at 7?

Fucki-

You groaned sighing

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked while drinking a bit of his water

“I was so sleepy in the morning, I did texted” You nodded “But instead of texting you, I texted Samuel” You sighed, Pablo looked at you before laughing

“Cancel on him”

“I can’t just cancel on him, Pabs”

“Yes, you can. He didn’t showed up!”

“But I’m not him, Pablito” You shook your head “He’s sorry and he’s already done reservations” You sighed “I really wanted to see Belén tho”

“I’ll let her know that” He smiled lightly “What hour’s the date?”

“7”

“It’s 2.36” You nod

“I know how to read the hour, thanks” He laughed lightly

“What you gonna do?”

“Obviously go, he’s my boyfriend”

“Doesn’t act like one” You roll your eyes ignoring his statement

“…See why he didn’t showed up and…”

“And?”

“…And hopefully get laid” You replied laughing watching Pablo’s eyebrows lift up impressed with the honesty “I don’t know, I’m stressing out so much these days”

“Wow” That’s all he said. You kept on laughing “Don’t tell me the details if that happens, please”

“I wasn’t going to anyway” You shook your head sighing, both of you stayed in silence for a few seconds “But he’s just that good-”

“Xavi’s calling!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking” You said smiling

“I don’t like you sometimes”

“You love me everytime”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night” Pablo shook his head, staying in silence for a few seconds.

You furrowed your eyebrows seeing him a bit sad so suddenly “Something’s wrong?” He shook his head, smiling a bit

“Everything’s fine. I gotta go, Lewy’s calling me”

“But he’s not-”

The words died in your mouth as Pablo hung up the call; you kept on staring and the black screen of your phone for a few seconds before letting it fall a bit roughly against the surface of your eating table. You sighed feeling a bit mad for not knowing what had happened to Pablo and why did he left you so suddenly, you were also tired even if you had slept until two hours ago, you weren’t feeling the best.

You picked your phone again, looking at Samuel’s text and another wave of indescribable and many feelings came rushing into you, mixed feelings.

 Suddenly you didn’t wanted to go at the restaurant, the dressing up thing seemed a lot to you right now, you preferred to be at home or have a nice car ride with him, you wanted Samuel to come and look out for you, take care of you and mend everything these past few weeks have been with him, in the simplest way possible.

But you also wanted to put Samuel to the side and have the greatest of times with your best friend, to take care of Pablo and him of you. He seemed down so suddenly and you wanted to know what had happened to him that made him act like that.

You were conflicted and you hated it.

Opening your camera roll, you scrolled through pictures trying to clear a bit your mind but it was as if fate decided you to choose right now, after a picture of you and Samuel, last week at one of your friend’s house, you remembered you had three days without fighting and you were over the moon, you never liked fighting with your loved or close ones.

It was the both of you sat in the grass with the Christmas light hanging in the tree behind you both, she had decorated for the get-together and you always had loved decorated trees. Samuel had said something making you laugh hysterically as he smiled against your cheek. And that’s how the picture was taken by one of his friends.

You cuddled up to him, head thrown back a bit laughing as he looked at you with a big smile on, his dimples appearing and his eyes scrunching up a bit in a cute way. You smiled looking at the picture, you really liked Samuel and you knew you could fall for him and mostly if you could stop all of these fights that have been happening, for you both, constantly.

Swiping to the next picture, you found one of you and Pablo in his apartment doing a movie night, taken by Pablo himself. You loved this picture because Pablo almost never truly smiles in pics, he’s just tight smiling, side smiling, smirking or simply not smiling at all, in this one he had fully smiled showing his teeth and something that you loved of Pablo was his toothy smile.

The pic itself was beautiful even if it was taken while the two of you were looking a bit bad and fooling around, you were doing a peace sign with one hand with duck lips and closed eyes, the other around Pablo’s shoulders bringing him into you as he was simply smiling.

Your thumb moved around watching both pictures, until you decided and made up your mind.

Pablo had made himself known he didn’t wanted you like you wanted him unlike Samuel who wanted you and fought for you and you were going to do the same for him back, they were stupid and simple fights and you could get out of them. He was your boyfriend whilst Pablo was, is and will always be your best friend.

You left your phone on the table Samuel pic shown and you smiled on your way to doll yourself up for him, for your boyfriend and hoping that you could solve everything going on between the two of you for good.

You figured if Pablo had something, he would tell you straight away. And if he didn’t, you could always get it out of him for yourself and help him, like the best friend you were and will always be. You couldn’t let some simple fights and his comforts, get in the way to your relationship and mess with your head and heart.

Time was nearly 7pm when you finished and hailed a cab to get you towards the restaurant, when you arrived the restaurant, you texted him letting him know you were already there

“Can I get you something, ma’am?” You smiled shaking your head politely at the waiter

“I’m waiting for someone, thank you” He smiled

“If you need anything, you can call me” You nodded your head lightly

“Will do, thank you” And with that the waiter left

Truth to be told, you lost count of the amount of times the waiter had asked you if you wanted something to eat or where ready to order, you always answered with the same phrase “I’m waiting for someone, thank you”. You stopped watching the hour, when you realized you saw that three hours have passed, you were tired of sending him messages, you wanted to cry

“Miss” The same waiter said giving you a little white container

“I didn’t order anything”

“I know you didn’t but I’m sorry for your date. You deserve someone better” He sadly smiled at you “We’re closing already” You nodded fighting the tears, stood up and left a few bills on the table

“Thank you so much” You said and left the restaurant.

You asked once more for a taxi and fought all the way back to your house the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes. You had no energy to fight him; you didn’t had energy to cry anymore. You were on autopilot mode taking off your heels, undid your hair, cleaned your face and took off your dress pulling a random but comfy shirt.

Your phone never rang with an apology text or with a call. And you went to sleep with a heavy heart that night, tears falling and falling from your eyes. Once more being forgotten

Next day rolled in and your phone had rang multiple times but you weren’t in the mood to face an ‘I’m sorry I forgot’ kind of thing from Samuel so when the door of your room was opened you pretended to be asleep.

“¡Joder, Y/N!” You heard Pablo’s voice and instantly relaxed a bit “Why aren’t you answering my calls or texts? I was going mad thinking something had happened to you! It’s almost 5 in the evening, loca!” You heard his footsteps for seconds before you felt the bed dip in “Y/N?” His hand shook your shoulder a bit “Y/N” He shook harder “You’ve always been a heavy sleeper, mi niña” He chuckled and that made you smile a bit

But then you sniffed

“Y/N? You’re awake?”

You cursed yourself out and held in your breath

“Y/N, you’re awake. I know you” You sighed knowing what was coming.

He pulled down the blanket that was covering your whole frame

“Hi” Your voice cracked but still tried to make a smile for him

“Maldición, what happened?” You sighed closing your eyes; you shook your head and tried to pull the blanket back up again “No, Y/N. What happened? Why are you crying?

You stayed silent before letting yourself cry again, you felt Pablo’s arms around you.

“Y/N, baby” You felt Pablo get underneath the covers and pulled you into his embrace “No, no, no. Don’t cry, mi niña”

“He forgot” You said into Pablo’s neck “I was there.” You shook your head “I was there the whole night, looking like a stupid little girl… He never answered his phone, people giving me pity looks and I hated it” You sniffed grabbing him tighter “I did my hair just the way he likes it, I dressed up with his favorite color, I did myself for him yesterday” You cried “And he never showed up. He never answered my calls nor my texts. He forgot about me, about us, I-” You stopped your ranting, crying

“I’m gonna kill that guy” Pablo said moving around but you clinged onto him

“Don’t leave please” You whispered making Pablo’s heart break.

He had saw you pass several heartbreaks, he had seen you cry for men who in the first place never deserved you, he had always been there for you for each and every single one of them but this was the first time he had seen you suffer for a guy while he was in love with you.

This was a whole reset. Pablo didn’t know what to do, say or treat you like, to make you feel safe and forget about Samuel; Pablo hated the fact you were hurting over a stupid guy who didn’t deserved you meanwhile he was there dying to reach out for you, fill your heart, body and life with the happiness and love you truly deserve.

He really wanted to go towards Samuel’s house and make him regret every single little thing, he had been doing to you these past few months, the constant fights at the beginning were because of stupid little things but they keep going on and on and it was more often you spending your night at Pablo’s, even though he never complained, he loved spending time with you but he never liked you crying and sad.

He felt rage and all he could see was beating Samuel up but at the second you clinged into him, he softened and his rage turned into care, his arms tightened around you, his lips let a kiss on your hairline and he pulled you into him

“He’s a tremendo gilipollas” You chuckled a bit and sniffed

“I should’ve listened to you and cancel on him” You whispered after a little while “I’m sure I could have spent the most amazing time with my Páez Gavira family”

“Mom misses you too, by the way” You smiled “She asked you to call her” You nod sniffing

“I will do, later” You got your face out from his chest and smiled at him softly “I’m sorry about wetting your shirt” He looked down at his shirt

“You left a bit of snot there” He joked as you scoffed

“I’m gonna look for another shirt for you” He pulled your wrist, getting you on top of him again

“I don’t care about some moco or lágrimas on my shirt. I care for you to be happy” He smiled back at you and leaned down to kiss your cheek “What do you say if we bake something? Your favorite? We can’t let you keep going this way the whole day”

“I love you so much, you know? I’m so glad I’ve you as my best friend, Pabs” You said smiling as his heart softly broke hearing you be-friend him

Guess it’s my turn to feel it. Pablo thought

“I love you too, mi niña. And I’m always going to be here for you, whenever and wherever you need me”

“I kinda feel bad though, you shouldn’t be here looking after me and my romantic fails”

“I can and I will” Pablo smiled kissing your cheek and lifting himself from your body “Now, c’mon. Let’s make some good treats for us and have a skin care night, my cutis needs one of those olive face masks of yours”

…

“Are we ready to party?!” Pedri and Gavi yelled out coming to your house as you lifted your eyes from your paper work

“Am I getting a thing for this exam?!”

“YES?” Pedri asked as you huffed

“No” You whine

“C’mon, let’s distress tonight” Gavi said putting his head in your shoulder, his hands going around your waist and Pedri lifted his eyebrows as you tried not to blush or smile

“I can’t, I have this big exam on Wednesday and I don’t understand a thing from it”

“But today’s Friday” Gavi said 

“I know”

“You still have five days for it”

“I know”

“Then take a break” You whined

“I can’t, Pablo”

“Don’t call me that”

“It’s your name”

“Not for you!” You smiled lightly

“I would love to, guys. But I can’t”

“Yes, you can” Pedri said “I bet you have like five hours going on with this”

“Five hours?” Gavi scoffed “Better said whole day” You roll your eyes “Have you even ate something?” You nod

“I did. Was feeling too hungry for my own good” Pablo smiled opting to sit down besides you

It has been four days since your failed date with Samuel, he has been texting you but you were giving him the cold shoulder ever since, only replying one message saying: ‘Not in the mood to talk to you, right now. We’ll chat later’ and archived his messages.

“That’s good though” He smiled showing off his teeth “But seriously, get your pretty ass up from this chair and get ready to relax for a while”

“Pablo, no!” You whine softly as he shook his head grabbing your hand and getting you out of the chair

“Pablo, yes! You’ll thank me later for this”

“WAIT-NO! PABLO!” You yelled out as he lifted you on his back as if nothing and walked with you towards your room

“Get pretty and get ready. Pedri and I will wait for you downstairs”

You knew best than try to fight him so you did what he had asked you to, get pretty and get ready for a night out with your favorite boys since it’s been a while since you got one.

“Where are we going?” You asked after a little while

“A que Ansu” Pedri said smiling

“Will there be a lot of people there?”

“Hopefully not” Gavi turned to look at you “, but we already know how Ansu is” You laugh lightly “Don’t worry. I will not let you alone”

“What about the chicks?” Pedri asked jokingly winning a deadly glare from Pablo

“I don’t care about the chicks”

“You can get someone though” You said softly “You don’t have to stop yourself from getting fun because of me”

“I’m not stopping myself from anything, Y/N. I simply don’t want to leave you” He shrugged a bit “I’m more than okay being with you, I don’t need a random girl who just wants me because I’m Pablo Gavi, I just need you” He said looking at you in the eye as you smiled softly 

“Ah, Y/N… You got the golden boy whipped” Pedri joked as Pablo glared at him and you laughed brushing his comment off and not paying too much attention to it.

“He’s just being a good friend”

“No. I’m just being normal… I’m being Pablo” He looked at you “Your Pablo”

“You’re getting too sappy”

“You like that”

“Sure” You spoke with sarcasm and Pedri laughed turning the car to the left, Ansu’s house being visible

“C’mon” Pedri said after parking “Let’s go and have a good time” He smiled as Pablo opened the door for you and helped you get out

You greeted Ansu, Alejandro, Ronald, Frenkie, Christensen, Raphinha, almost everyone of the squad, their girlfriends and wives with a warm smile and a warm hug. Immediately, the guys chatted with you for a bit, when Gavi came up to you with a drink

“Know you don’t like Tequila and that you have to focus tomorrow for your exam. So don’t worry, this is just Coca-Cola” You smiled at him and leaned a bit to kiss his cheek

“Thanks” You murmured feeling him wrap his arm around you and pull you into him

“Let’s sit” Pablo offered with a light smile on as you nod

The night was going on great, you laughed, danced for a bit with Pedri and then Gavi who claimed Pedri was stealing you way too much and had a great time in general, until Ansu decided to post a picture of you, Gavi, Pedri, Alejandro, himself and their respective girls, flings or friends and post it on his Best-Friends Instagram story.

You don’t know how, not when, not anything like that but somehow Samuel had seen the story and soon when you were laughing at something Gavi was telling you, Samuel came in cutting your whole night short and threw your mood away.

You didn’t wanted to see him, still not ready to talk to him and forgive him for what he had done in the day of your presentation and the day after with the restaurant thing. Gavi clearly saw the whole thing and was a bit upset

“What are you doing here, bonita? Why didn’t you invited me? This is nice!”

“Pedri and Gavi brought me here. The invited doesn’t invite” You said serious before giving him your back

“But Ansu is my friend! I’m sure he would’ve loved me here”

“You already are here, hermano” Gavi said “You can stop the ranting and just enjoy the night”

“Nah! Mind your business, Gavira”

Pablo opened his mouth but you put a hand on top of his, slightly shaking your head

“Please don’t” You begged “I just want to enjoy tonight” Pablo nodded at you

“If you want him out-” You cut Pablo off

“I do” You nod “I’m not ready to face him but he’s already here. This isn’t your house for you to kick him out nor either is your party” You sighed “We’re just invited”

“I’m best friends with the owner of the house”

“Still, Samu is friends with the guys, they don’t know our problems and they will like him being here. Let’s just forget about everything, okay? Let’s enjoy ourselves” You patted his thigh sending him a little smile

“Just for you” He said after a few seconds, your smile widening “But still, if he does something to you, just tell me” You nod rolling your eyes

“Will do”

“Promise?” He showed his pinky, making you shake your head lightly

“Promise, mi lindo” You linked your pinky with his and you bottled out of your bubble

The night was good, both you and Pablo were almost ignoring all the way Samuel, who was each time more and more insistent on having your attention

Tarot was playing and you were once more dancing with Gavi, you probably looked like a hypocrite, your boyfriend asked you a few minutes ago to dance but you declined saying you were tired but when Gavi asked if you wanted to dance you extended your hand and let him lead you to the dance floor

You were dancing and singing to the song with Pablo goofing around with him when you felt a hand on your shoulder, you turned around and saw Samuel

“Dance with me?” You softly shook your head

“I don’t want to”

“Please, just one dance. I miss my girlfriend” He said and you raised your eyebrows

“I’m still mad for what you did” You shook your head in disbelief “Please, I really don’t want to be near you right now”

“Y/N-” Pablo cut him off

“She said she doesn’t want to and that she wants you to leave her alone, please. Can you understand that?”

“Mind your business”

“Her business are mine too, so please step aside. Let her be”

“Our relationship doesn’t involve you, kid” Samuel pushed Pablo by the shoulders

“What did you just called me?” Pablo asked rage going all around his body; he marched towards Samuel but you quickly intervened putting yourself in front of the Sevillano

“He isn’t worth it, Pabs; don’t let him get to you. You’re not a kid; you’re more man than anyone in this room, please. Don’t put yourself into his level” You whispered but your words got in one of Pablo’s ears and went out of the other, hell, he wasn’t even looking at you even if you joined both of your foreheads whilst talking

Pablo softly pulled you out of his front and stepped up to Samuel

“I called you what you are, a fucking kid”

“Hijo de tú put-” You pulled Pablo back by his shoulder but he got himself out of your grasp

“Stop” You somehow got in the middle of them “I said stop” You looked both guys before your gaze stayed on Pablo “Please” Each one of your hands were placed in the guys chest, preventing their movement

“Step aside bonita” Samuel said taking off your hand softly and moving closer

“Yes, Y/N. Step aside” Pablo agreeded

“The fucking I will move from here. Stop” Your voice started shaking “I will dance with you; I will do anything, Samuel. Just fucking stop. Stop” You pleaded “This is a party, to have a good time not to fight”

“It was” Samuel said “But this fucker wants to get my girl and insert his nose in places he shouldn’t and I’m not gonna allow it”

“Your girl doesn’t want to be with you because you’re an asshole and a shitty boyfriend; I’m just being a good best friend, a human and a reasonable man to treat her how she deserves to be treated, not forgetting her at restaurants and pulling stupid stunts. Shame on you to treat such a wonderful girl like she’s nothing” Samuel smirked and pulled you out of the middle

“Well… My girl, my treatments”

“Pablo” You warned grabbing his arm trying to pull him back but it was a failure, he was angry and he was stronger than you, Pablo squared up once more to Samuel. Both of their faces separated by millimeters

“Eres un tremendo gilipollas” Pablo said

Your eyes devised Pedri who was already coming over with Fernando, his older brother behind him. You silently thanked him for noticing, the loudness of the music wouldn’t have done anything if you called for any of the guys.

“Yeah? This gilipollas is breaking your legs, golden boy” He mocked Gavi’s title “Calling yourself a man when all you can do is run around the field, acting like a little kid, stomping your feet, doing rabietas and run into the other players because you don’t know how to play for shit”

Pablo smiled angrily before launching himself at Samuel, when Pedri grabbed him in the perfect moment and Fer grabbed Samuel, the other lads noticed this and they instantly went up to help.

You were surprised by Pablo, he had undone himself from Pedri’s, Lewandowski’s, Raphinha’s, Araujo’s, Alejandro’s, Diego’s (One of his childhood friends) and Sergio’s hold, meanwhile Samuel was controlled by Ansu, Ferran, Eric and Fer.

You decided to step in for Pablo “Please, stop. This isn’t funny anymore, Pabs” You begged feeling tears up in your eyes, your hands went to touch his face but he refused pushing your hands away

“I’m gonna kill him” He growled

“No, you won’t” You said grabbing his arms but he let himself go rudely which startled you and made you lose your footing.

You would have fallen to the floor if it wasn’t for Alejandro who quickly saw it and helped you, still your ankle suffered a bit. You whimpered out in pain, Pablo’s eyes quickly softening as seeing you in pain

“¡Dios mío, joder!” He kneeled down besides you, worry written on his face “I’m so sorry, mi niña” He said going to touch your hands but now it was you who didn’t wanted his touch

“Well done, football star” Samuel said also kneeled down besides you, he wrapped his arm around your waist

“Look, cabrón-” You cut Pablo off

“Shut up!” You exclaimed, you were angry with him, angry with Samuel and angry to the fact that you had to end up with a bruised ankle to make them both stop “I don’t want to talk to both of you right now, I came here to relax, to forget about everything” You looked at Samuel first who looked down in shame and then to Pablo who sniffed not being able to meet your gaze “and here I am with a bruised ankle. I told you both to stop and both of you acted like fucking children!” You sniffed not being able to hold the tears anymore “I wanna get out of here”

“I’ll take you” Samuel said quickly

“She came with me, she can leave with me”

“I’m not leaving with any of you!” You exclaimed angry once more “If I have to take a fucking Uber, I’ll take it. If I have to walk all the way to my house or any place I want to, I will do it. But I don’t want to see both of your faces for a long while” Alejandro helped you stand up but you whimpered once more not being able to

Pedri got close and helped you get out of your heels, you hissed when his hand came in contact with the injured part

“Sorry, cariño” He said “Gotta take it off” You whimpered a bit when he was almost done, you heard Pedri hiss a bit “We gotta go to the hospital, this is turning blue” You groaned

This wasn’t how you expected to spend your night.

You felt Pedri helping you get up on your feet “Want my shoes?” He asked but you declined

“Just want this night to end as soon as possible” You murmured

“Y/N-” Pablo said stopping in front of you but you shook your head

“Just shut up” You pleaded and watched how Pablo’s mood shifted to a sad one

“I’m sorry”

It’s all he said before letting you go but before that he heard you murmur a little

“I shouldn’t even have gotten out of the house today” And he knew in that moment he had fucked it up once more but he couldn’t do anything else besides stand there and watch you leave doing little jumps with Pedri

“See what you have done?” He heard Samuel’s voice

“I’m not gonna talk to you, cabrón” Pablo replied “Y/N just got hurt because of you”

“Me? You were the one who pushed her”

“I didn’t pushed her”

“Guys” Ansu called “I think you should leave it. We don’t want another accident to happen” Pablo sighed nodding at his friend’s words “Samuel, thanks for coming man but I think you should leave” Samuel without saying anything else nodded and left “You too, Pablito”

“What?!”

“Don’t play yourself the innocent” Ferran said “You should’ve done what Y/N told you”

“He kept on calling me names, saying things”

“And she told you to not pay attention to those things” Ferran nodded “And now, she’s hurt. You brought her here to have a good time, to take her worries away but instead you created new ones” Pablo sighed knowing his friends were right.

Without fighting, Pablo waved goodbye and left the house. He texted Pedri on his way home

-Where’s she?

Pedrito González: *Sent ubication* Pedrito González: But she doesn’t want to see you, hermano

Pablo sighed feeling his heart heavy

-Is she good?

Pedrito González: Y/N is fine, can’t say the same thing about her ankle. She has to have a cast for the next five days

Pablo wanted to break his ankle himself too. Much better, give himself some good punches for ruining what it was supposed to be you relaxing night.

“She’s gonna be so mad at me. Hell, I’m mad at me as well” Pablo said before blocking his phone and walking towards his house already thinking on ways to make you forgive him

Next day he came up to your house and you raised an eyebrow, not expecting him there but knowing he was going to make an appearance sooner or later

“How are you?”

“My ankle is in a cast, I can’t walk properly, I can’t shower properly, I have to rely on Pedri to do my shopping that I always do on Saturdays whilst I’m grateful for him offering to do it, I’m not exactly a fan of him knowing what kind of pads I use, I have to do this assignment and later on study for Monday’s exam, Samuel hasn’t stopped bothering me, that much I had to turn the airplane mode on, my wifi isn’t working as quick as I would love it to, I also didn’t wanted to see the owner of my ankles disgrace today but he’s here anyway and I have to take medication for the amount of pain this injury gives me. How do you think I am?”

Pablo stood there looking at you in silence; guilty was not a correct word to express how bad he was feeling 

“Like you need more medication to work your pain away?”

“I wouldn’t even need medication if it wasn’t for yours and Samuel’s little show yesterday!” You exclaimed throwing a cushion in his way which he easily grabbed in his hold

“And I’m completely sorry because of that” Pablo said coming over to sit next to you “I’m truly, truly sorry for it. He was just being an asshole, calling me names, you know I hate when people calls me kid and-” You cut him off

“If you behave like that you are surely giving them a good reason to think you are a kid” You said “Which you aren’t by the way” You added quickly “Tienes que tener la cabeza fría, not pay attention to everyone’s words. You know you are an amazing football player and you’re also an amazing human being. We could just have ignored him and spend the rest of the night as we had done it until that moment”

“He wasn’t going to let you go”

“If he wasn’t, then we would have. We could’ve gone anywhere else, whenever we wanted to. But no!” You closed your laptop frustrated “Mister-I-get-worked-up-too-quickly couldn’t ignore a single sentence and leave with me, no! He had to act like a macho and demonstrate how he couldn’t handle his emotions, ignore my words and hurt his best friend without meaning to in the process” Pablo’s head was looking down at his lap in shame

“I’m sorry”

“I know you are” You said and he looked up at you “But you’re an idiot”

“I know I am” His reply made you smile lightly

“…My idiot”

“I am” This time he smiled “Forgive me, please?” You look at him

“With one condition” He nodded  listening to you “If next time, I tell you to stop and you don’t stop, I’m breaking your legs for you to stop playing for a very, very, very long time and don’t even think about coming over to talk to me because I will act as if I don’t know you” He nods “And I have to be your passenger princess too for whole three months straight”

“Done” He smiled “But you can be my passenger princess any time you want to” You smiled

“Also you have to massage my ankle” He gave you a look “You did it, you treat me”

“Fine” He sighed “How about I even make your shopping instead of Pedri? I already know you prefer pads instead of tampons” You smile at him “With wings”

“That’s very important” You pointed out as he laughed nodding

“Then its done” You nod

“It’s done” He hugged you tightly as you leaned into him

“For how long do you need that?”

“Four days now” He hissed

“I’m really sorry”

“Yeah, I’m about to kick your crotch too and just tell you I’m sorry”

“Please, don’t. It has already suffered a lot from those fucking players” You laugh out and soon he joined you

 And that’s how you come back to ‘normal’ with Pablo, four days pass on as he was checking in on you, like a personal nurse, he even had slept those four days in your house to, in his words “check on everything you need” but when Pablo came in with a bouncy step on his walk you knew he had something planned

“What do you want?” You asked him as soon as he appeared in your house from his training

“¿Qué? ¿Ya aquí no reciben a uno con un hola, buenas tardes, ¿Cómo estás? ¿Cómo te fue? ¿Nada??” You laughed

“Hola, buenas tardes. ¿Qué tal te fue en el training?” You asked watching a small smile appear on his face nodding

“That’s better” He said going over to kiss your cheek “Me he caído durante el entrenamiento, the guys have laughed their asses off” You smiled

“Damn. Why whenever I go to training nothing happens to you?”

“Because I try to impress you”

“Ush!” You roll your eyes “As if it would’ve worked… My eyes are always on Lewanpapi”

“Lewanwho?” You laughed out loud

“The things that man does to me… Without even trying”

“Y/N!”

“I’m joking” You giggle “Or am I?” Pablo gives you a look “I’m joking, I’m joking” Pablo smiled “I care about for Pepi, have you seen him?” You put your best shocked face as Pablo gives you another look once more “He came back hotter from that injury and I just-” You did a weird motion with your hands, face and shoulder “HE’S GORGEOUS!”

“To be honest, I don’t see Pedri as gorgeous, yes, he’s good looking but-”

“THAT’S ALL WE NEED TO HEAR!”

“Don’t yell!” He exclaimed “And don’t lie! We both know you care for me”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that” He pushes your face away lightly as you giggle “We know deep down, like really deep and really down inside me, I care about you” He hums with a smile on

“That’s all we need to hear” You laugh

“What were you going to say?”

“Pedri” You raised your eyebrows

“My man”

“Stop it” You giggled watching his furrowed eyebrows “He’s not your man” He never liked when you joked around with Pedri, much less he’ll like it now that he knows he’s in love with you

“Sadly, we just don’t see each other in that way”

“Y/N!”

“OKAY! Serious voice, serious face, serious persona” Gavi gave you a look fighting a smile

“He invited us to a party at his house”  

“Yeah” You said slowly “Don’t count me in”

“Why not?” You pointed your non-casted ankle but still it was wrapped in some bandages

“I still can’t walk properly” Gavi rolled his eyes

“I will carry you”

“I’m on my period”

“You can spend the whole night sat if you like”

“I’m with a headache”

“Thank god, Pedri won’t put any kind of music on” You sighed

“Pabs” You shook your head “I don’t really want to go” Now, it was his turn to sigh

“I know last time wasn’t that good” You hum looking at your ankle “But you can’t be afraid of each party we get”

“I just don’t want Samuel to be there”

Samuel. Oh dear, Samuel.

You haven’t talked to him since that night, you were mad at him for him to say such things to your best friend, to treat you like that, how dare he? My girl, my treatment? What the fuck?

“Still haven’t mend things with him?” You shake your head

“And I don’t really know if we can mend things this time” You said looking at him “I mean I would love to, I love being with him, he takes care of me, he loves me, he understands me” You sigh looking down at your hands “I don’t really know what’s happening to him lately, but I am willing to give it a try”

“I think you have been the one who gives different tries to it” Pablo said as you avoided looking at him in the eyes. Pablo took a deep breath thinking if he wanted to know the answer to the question his mind had been running on lately “Y/N, do you love him?”

You looked at Pablo, sighing.

Truth was, with Samuel’s actions lately you’ve been more and more distanced of him, you stopped seeing him with other eyes, you stopped seeing him like you used to and honestly you could go on not talking to him for a whole three days, you don’t do that to somebody you love. That’s when it hit you.

You have never loved him and you weren’t even close to it. You made yourself believe you were able to love him when in fact; you just loved the attention he gave you and wrapped yourself into a bubble believing you could escape your true feelings.

Your feelings for Pablo.

When you opened your mouth to answer your apartment phone started ringing, you looked at the number and recognized it to be your mom’s. A huge wind of relief came to you knowing it wasn’t Samuel. You weren’t in the mood to also mute your local phone by throwing it against the wall.

“It’s my mom”

“Y/N, please, answer me”

“You need to go to the party”

“Y/N”

“Go” You said before sighing “Please” You begged a little “Just go, I wanna be alone” Pablo sighed knowing you weren’t going to answer the question

“We’ll talk later” He warned

“We will” You smiled lightly.

The hug and kiss on the forehead that Pablo gave you was one of the most pure and longest ones, you’ve shared in your whole life together.

“I love you, okay? You can always talk to me about anything” He whispered as you nod

“Love you too, Pabs” You said smiling “But you gotta go and get some chick tonight” You faked excitement

“I have told you several times I don’t need some chick when I have you!”

“Yes, yes, yes. Whatever you say, loverboy. You seriously need to get laid”

“I don’t need to get laid. I’m not desperate for it!” He said in disbelief “I have my hand too!”

“ Gross!”

“It’s completely normal!”

“Just shut up, go get some; mom’s calling me” You pushed him a little, smiling and watching a smile appear on his face too, you saw him take some steps towards the corridor when you picked up the phone “Hi mom”

Samuel, Samuel… Pablo wanted to kill him.

What are the odds of finding him in the party anyway?

…

“What the fuck is Samuel doing here?” Pablo whisper yelled at Pedri when he saw that blonde hair, he grow to hate so much these past few weeks

“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him in days. I didn’t invited him”

“If you didn’t. How is it possible he’s here?”

“¡Qué no lo sé, tonto! Why would I invite him knowing Y/N is feeling bad because of him?”

“How do you-?”

“She’s also my best friend”

“I came first”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m also her best friend” Pablo’s eyebrows furrowed even more if it was possible

“She-”

“Stop being so jealous, fucks sake!” Pedri complained “Yes, she was your best friend first, joder!” Pablo nodded but still decided to ignore him 

“You know what? Thank god, Y/N didn’t wanted to come here tonight. I wouldn’t know what to do if I told her he’s not coming and then” Pablo smashed his palms together “Boom! He’s here”

“Yes” Pedri nodded “Also adding to the fact she can’t walk” He rubbed the fact again at Pablo

“I told her I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt her” Pedri shakes his head

“It’s already done. You” He pushed a finger into Gavi’s chest “Don’t do anything crazy tonight, just relax and forget he’s here, okay? I don’t want to explain to Y/N why her best friend ended up with a black eye and her boyfriend with a busted lip”

“Why do I have to be the one with the black eye?”

“¡Es un decir tonto!” Pedri exclaimed “Either way that won’t look good for you at matches, interviews and anything, people will start whispering and creating stories and el Mister wouldn’t like that”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right” Pablo nodded “He’s not here. He’s not here. I’m not coming close to him, he’s not coming close to me. Each one in separate ways knowing deep down I wanna kill him”

“But you won’t”

“Pero no lo hare” Pablo repeated Pedri’s words. “Everything will be good. I promise, hermano” Pablo smiled at Pedri who nodded

Pablo spent his evening laughing with his friends, eating and drinking a cerveza but he wasn’t entirely happy knowing you weren’t there with him. He understood your reasons but still he missed you like crazy. That’s what he thought about the whole evening, you.

And, enhorabuena, he really did almost forget Samuel was there. He would have done it all the way if he hadn’t seen what he saw. He also didn’t mean to break his promise but his blood was boiling. The vase he was holding broke under his strong hold, his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened, his nose sharpened and his whole appearance changed.

Samuel, who was sat outside in the backyard had a girl on his lap, he was touching her thighs and leaving kisses on the girls neck. It got worse when he saw the girl giggle and her grabbing Samuel’s chin to kiss his lips

“¡CABRÓN!” Pablo yelled marching over to where he was, alerting Samuel of his presence, who quickly stood up, color leaving his face

“Hermano, look-” Pablo cut him off with a punch on his face

“How dare you do that to her?!” Pablo roared, serving him another punch “She loves you, estúpido! And here you are, wasting her love meanwhile others are dying for it! You never deserved her, man!”

“Others like you, right?” Samuel threw a punch at Pablo, the lads coming over to separate them but Pablo didn’t wanted to stop hitting him. He wanted to make him feel pain, he wanted to make him pay for all those things he did to you, for the stood ups, for the forgetting, the pains, the cries, the fights, everything.

And he did, he undid himself from one of his mate’s hold and punched him straight in the nose

“PARTY’S OVER!” Pedri yelled “Everyone out, now!”

As everyone left only being left Ansu, Alejandro, Diego, Ferran, Fer and Pedri

“WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Pedri yells once they are alone

“The motherfucker was cheating on Y/N! I couldn’t stand there and watch him kiss and touch another girl like he only should do with his girlfriend, who by the way, I may remind you is the girl I’m in love with, my best friend and whilst he’s wasting her love, I’m dying for it! I know I took a lot of time to realize that and I still can’t forgive me for that but I absolutely hate and despise cheaters, knowing my girl just got cheated on makes me sick. I couldn’t stand there, watch and not do anything”

“I get it, Pablo. I’m mad as well but still”

“Nothing, Pedri. Nothing! I don’t regret anything!” Pedri sighed shaking his head

“Let’s get you cleaned up”

“I wanna see Y/N, I wanna be with her, I want her to treat me, please”

…

When you open the door, you always expect seeing scout girls selling her cookies to you, some friend or a relative and maybe the delivery guy who was taking too long in come in with your food but those are the things you may expect and are normal to… What is not normal is watching your best friend with an ice pack on his cheekbone with a bloody lip.

“Joder, ¿Qué hiciste, cariño?” You asked as he lightly smiled at you

“Surprise?” You roll your eyes

"Come in, come in" You said opening the door for Pablo to step in "Won't you come inside, Pepi?" You asked watching how the Canarian shook his head with a light smile on

"He's all yours, Y/N" You rolled your eyes smiling at him "Text me how it goes" You nodded murmuring a little 'Will do'

You closed the door turning to face Pablo who was already waiting for you at the couch

You sighed slowly walking towards your bathroom where you had a first aid kit, you made a note to yourself to thank your mom for buying you one.

"Care to share how did this happened?" You asked lightly sitting in front of him grabbing his hand and taking off the ice pack

"You wouldn't like to know"

"Oh, but I'm asking you, aren't I?" He watched how you putted alcohol into a cotton wipe and pulled your hair away from your face, before turning your gaze to his

"Can I start by saying you were right?" Your eyebrows furrowed working on Pablo's lip

"What?"

"Thank god, you weren't there either. Samuel was there" You hum lightly "And he was with another girl"

"Come again?"

"¡Ay! That hurts!" You quickly push your hand away not realizing you left the cotton in his skin and rather harshly, you murmured a few sorry's over and over again. "Don't worry"

"He was with another girl then?" You asked as Pablo gulped nodding "What were they…?"

"She was all over his lap as he was touching her and kissing her" Pablo pushed his head away "I'm really sorry. I found out like half an hour ago"

"Can I guess?" He hums letting you continue "That's why you got in a fight?"

"Had to protect you somehow" You smiled a bit

"Thanks for that then"

"How are you feeling?" He asked looking at you

"Like anyone who's been told they were being cheated on" You shrugged your shoulders "Like... I kind of predicted it, all this time fighting for something so stupid... But still fighting, not entirely making up...  and even though I'm not in love with him, it still hurts me, I can cry and at the same time I can throw a party and... I just don't know" You look at him “Mixed feelings”

"You don't love him?" You slowly shake your head

"I don't" You whispered moving to clean his cheekbone "But I hope he's happy" You say watching his doe eyes look at you with intensity.

"I feel sorry for him" Pablo said as you gave him a confused look

“You should be sorry for me, I got cheated on. Not him” Pablo shook his head

"He’s a bastard for cheating on you, you will never deserve that. You’re a queen and need to be treated as one”

“Not at those extremes but still” You shook your head "I'm not taking it to heart, Pabs. I, either way, would have ended it with him. You can stop that" You giggled lightly

"I'm not trying anything" Pablo shook his head lightly “I don’t think you’re getting my point, Y/N”

“I’m not honestly”

“I feel sorry for him because he let go such a beautiful and gorgeous woman not only on the outside but also in the inside. Any man who gets to be with you should consider himself as the luckiest man ever in the world. You just are so wonderful, so precious. You’re kind, lovely, incredibly smart, sassy, sarcastic, fucking positive, always seeing the good side of everything and everyone, selfless, understanding, you’re one of a kind. You love and care for those who you love with everything you have, you’d fight for them, you’d die for them. You need to be loved and cared with the same, if not more, intensity”

“I know you’re independent and that’s so fucking fine, it’s a really turn on” He chuckled in disbelief “But you need a man that can fulfill all of your needs, he was lacking everything and it hurt me like hell because…” He suddenly stopped his ranting

“Because what?” You whispered

“Because I was dying! Wishing to be the one to be by your side, I wished to be in Samuel’s spot, because I’m in love with you!” Pablo exclaimed standing up “I know I messed up back ago when you told me your feelings and I didn’t reciprocated them and it’s because I didn’t realized them at the moment but ever since you left that night my apartment I have been dying on the inside. I wanted to call you, hear your voice, see you, text you and I wanted you to reply, to call me, I wanted you to keep wanting me!” Pablo ran his hands through his hair biting his bottom lip as you could only sit there and follow his moves with your eyes

“I realized my feelings too late, during the WC, you didn’t come and you didn’t talked to me that time so I couldn’t say it back and then in the beginnings of this year, when I finally see you, you threw me off with Samuel being your boyfriend, I saw you be so happy, you were moving on and I was stuck with you” He started pacing around “¡Joder!” He cursed when he passed one of his hands in his injuries.

You gave him the cotton wipe and he grabbed it putting it against his eyebrow

“We were recovering our friendship, you were in a relationship and I couldn’t just sweep in and say: Hey! I realized I’m in love with you” He put on a different voice managing to get a small smile out of you “I couldn’t when you were so happy with him by your side, so I stayed quiet, I loved you in silence during all these past months, seeing him kiss you, touch you, love you were hell for me because I wanted to be the one to do that” He sighed “But seeing him tonight doing that to you whilst I wanted to be in his boyfriend position with you, I saw every color of the rainbow and wanted to throw them at his face” You laughed lightly “I just kept thinking I would never do that to you if you were my girlfriend, hell I wouldn’t even fight you! You say the sky is green? Yes, it is. That cats can drive? They can. That the milk comes first before the cereal? It does. I would care, love and cherish you until the day I die. Not like he did."

He looked at you and you looked at him “Please, say something” He begged

“I say you need another cotton wipe, the one you’re holding has too much blood in it already”

“This isn’t time to act like a nurse, mi niña” Pablo whispered but still decided to give you the cotton

“What do you want me to say, Pabs?” You sighed standing up to be face to face with him, he was still a bit taller than you but nothing too much to make a deal for it, you went to put the clean wipe on his cut but he softly pushed your hand away

“I love you” He said looking straight into your eyes “I’m in love with you”  

You were left in silence just looking at him.

You couldn’t process what he was saying. It couldn’t be possible for him to be in love with you. He was just your best friend, even he had said that!

“Please, tell me you’re joking” You finally whispered as you watched his face fall

“I’m not”

“You have to be” You said shaking your head “You absolutely don’t mean that, you are drunk and even mad at what Samuel did and you’re trying to comfort me with that, nice but I won’t fall for it”

“I’m not drunk, I only took dos cervezas during the whole night” He exclaimed

“You’re lightweight then”

“I’M NOT!” Pablo yelled a bit “I do am in love with you. Yes, I’m also so freaking mad at Samuel but I’m not drunk, I know what I’m saying is truth, Y/N”

“I’ll stay single, it’s okay” You ignored his words

“I don’t want you to be single” Pablo whined lightly “I want you to be in a relationship with me!”

“But you don’t want that! You’re saying it just because! You don’t mean any of this!”

“Fucking hell, I’m the one who knows how I’m feeling! And what I’m feeling is love for you and to you!”

“Don’t lie!” You exclaimed

“I’M-!” He cut himself off, taking a deep breath before letting it out “I’m not lying, Y/N, joder! ¡Te quiero, te amo!”

This was too much for you. He can’t just come back after months and pour his love for you as if nothing. You just got cheated on, you realized earlier that same night you were still head over heels for your best friend, he came to your house all beaten up, you treating him up… You couldn’t. You needed to process this.

“I’m… No… I gotta go” You said turning around and walking quickly even if you shouldn’t do it, you needed to get out of there now.  

You heard Pablo’s repeated calls of your name as you got out of your house, whimpering a little as the weight on your body fell on your ankle

“I’m not letting you go”

“Please, I need time to think about this. I promise I will talk to you”

“Just like you promised some time ago? You left me waiting five months, Y/N”

“I told you I needed time to myself, to think” You sighed “This won’t be like the last time”

“I feel it can be worse” You whined

“I swear I won’t disappear, I just need to process all of this. I just got cheated on, the guy I told I was in love with him is declaring his love for me right now after he said he could only see me as his best friend, I’m not walking, I’m stressing for Uni and I just need time to think a few hours” You looked up at him “Please, I swear I’ll talk to you. Just let me think”

“Come back to me, please” He whispered as you nodded entering your car. You smiled at him and pulled your window down

“Martín?” He nodded “Te quiero” He smiled

“Y yo a ti” He said as you started driving out of your porch. You grabbed your phone and dialed the one person who could help you with this

“¿Sí?”

“Are you at home?”

“Sí”

“Did you know Pablo’s in love with me?”

“For a very long time”

“Can I come over? I need somebody to talk to, Pepi”

“I’m waiting for you, bonita”

…

“So… Everything he said, it’s true” You murmured. It was halfway past midnight and you’ve been with Pedri for the past three hours

“You didn’t believed him” You took a deep breath

“I didn’t wanted him to just talk because of pity, because I got cheated on, I didn’t wanted him to create that world for to make me or make himself feel better for the fact I’m still in love with him”

“He has never told you this, but he cried when he learned the fact you weren’t going to go to the WC, he cried in his room when he didn’t saw you in the stands after he scored and he cried once more in Arabia Saudi at Supercopa when he saw you being there, whilst changing in the locker room, that day, was the happiest I’ve seen him after your failed confession night”

“Thanks for reminding me it was failed” You both shared a laugh

“He was a wreck at trainings, Xavi even gave him three days off but it seemed worse because all he could do was stare at the pics of the two of you. We already knew he loved you but it was a surprise for all of us when he finally admitted it and it seemed too late. These months he has been at the edge with Samuel, simply watching how you gave yourself to other man meanwhile he knew he had that chance in the past, when you started fighting with him it was worse; Pablo wanted to strangulate him” You giggled nodding

“He told me that several times”

“And tonight was his finish line. He was crying in rage, he felt offended for the fact someone could cheat on you, he didn’t cared the fact he could get a call from Xavi tomorrow, he was repeating I wouldn’t do that to her every once in a while in the car ride to yours. He really does love you, Y/N. It’s up to you if you wanna give him a chance or not”

“I want to” You sighed “It’s all I’ve ever wanted since I was fourteen” You admitted

“Then go and do it”

“I need to do something first though” You smiled at Pedri eating more popcorn  

“Yeah? ¿Le darás Mariachis?” You fake laughed

“He wishes I would” You smile shaking your head “It’s something better”

“Bueno, se lo darás mañana. It’s too late for us to be awake”

“Yes, oldman”

“¡HEY!” You smiled

…

“Are you sure he’s in his house?” You ask getting into your car

“Yes, I just left him there” Your phone dinged with another message notification it was from Pablo checking in up on you “…Did you really broke up with Samuel whilst throwing his clothes dentro del charco de agua?”

“I did. I completely ruined his leather jacket” You swiped the notification away

“Eso hurts” You shrugged your shoulders

“He deserved it tho”

“Yes, he did” You could feel Pedri’s smile “Now, go and get your angry bird” You shook your head smiling

“Will do”

…

You have been to his house million times before, but this time could change everything. You even had a key to it but you didn’t dare to use it today. It was really cold in Barcelona; it was raining half an hour ago but you were sweating your ass off. You knocked the door three times, you were even shaking and you looked at the sides over and over

The door opened and you saw Pablo with his lip and cheekbone bruised, his hair wet, some basketball shorts and a simple grey t-shirt

“What are you doing here?” His question surprised you

“Came to talk to you” You stuttered “But… If you don’t want me to, I can leave and-”

“No!” Pablo shook his head “I mean… Don’t leave” He whispered opening the door for you to come in and you did “Want something to-”

“Did you really meant it?”

“Meant what?”

“Everything you said yesterday” You spoke

“I do. Every single little word” Pablo nodded “I really am in love with you and I want you, Y/N. And I’m deeply sorry for everything I put you through”

Instead of answering him, you grabbed him by the face and smashing your lips against his, Pablo quickly kissed you back grabbing you by the waist and pulling you into him   

“I love you too” You whispered once you pulled away from him “I want you too and I’m in love with you, Pablito” You looked at him in the eye “I’m sorry I-” This time he cut you off and kissed you and only separated from you when you without meaning to, graced your injury with your teeth

“Joder”

“Sorry” You apologized once more

“It’s okay, kiss me again” You smiled pulling away from him as he chased you “Mi niña” He whined as you giggled

“We need to talk a bit” He hummed leaning to kiss you as you fully separated from him “I’m serious”

“Okay, okay. Got it. Serious voice, serious face, serious persona” You smiled seeing him repeat your words

“You’re an idiot. If you had realized your feelings sooner we could’ve been into this thing months ago, maybe even years”

“Don’t remind me that, please. I can keep imagining it” You smiled softly “You as my very, very-long-term-girlfriend, it sounds amazing, like art. Me as your very, very-long-term-boyfriend, it’s perfect” You nodded agreeing

“I want to thank you for telling me the Samuel thing; I just broke up with him like an hour and something ago… I don’t want you to think I didn’t trusted your feelings for me, well… Kind of. I just didn’t wanted to believe you were making that world and those feelings just to satisfy the fact you didn’t reciprocated my feelings back then but I had the help of someone and I have been deeply thinking of it and I don’t wanna stay single” He smiled “I wanna be in a friendship and a relationship with you too, you’ll always be my best friend, my partner in crime and my everything, Pablo”

“You really don’t know how happy those words make me feel right now” You laughed feeling his arms wrap around you, he leaned down to kiss you when he groaned

“I won’t kiss you again if it’s hurting you too much”

“A simple cut won’t make me stop kissing you, tía. I gotta make up for the lost time” He smiled “This feels nice”

“The what?”

“Having you in my arms, as my girlfriend and best friend. I can’t believe I took so long in realizing I am in love with you” You smiled

“Good news is that you finally did” You kissed his nose “How’s your cheek?”

“I’ve definitely looked prettier than this” You smiled

“You still manage to look pretty, Pabs” He leaned down to kiss you “But we need to disinfect it once more just in case and put on some ice. Doesn’t look that nice” You push your lips out lightly when you feel Pablo peck your lips again “Is it going to date you be like this?” He nods

“Better get used to it” You smile

“I think I can do that”

At the end, you and Pablo always got each other’s back and stayed by each other’s sides ‘cus it has always been you and him, him and you. Since Always and ‘Till Forever.

°°° °°° °°° °°°

Taglist: @gaviypedrisbride @ariagonzalezsstuff @gaviswh0re @stuckinaf4nfiction @elijahslover @azzpenswrld

[disgruntleddd]

AITA for wanting to cut ties with my ex?

I (22) have been friends with my ex-fiancé (21) since we were 14. We were best friends for years and they crushed on me for ages, until we finally started going out when I was ~18. We were each other's firsts and we got engaged when I was 20 and they were 19. We moved in together when I was 21 and they were 20.

Last November (six-ish months ago now, jeez, time flies) they broke up with me. They were sexually assaulted in a club and told me that the experience made them realize that they want to be more upfront with their boundaries and desires. They don't think we're compatible like that and wanted to date someone more similar to themselves while still being my best friend, like we were before.

For a while, I tried to make it work even though I was absolutely miserable being around them knowing that what we had was gone. They had an online friend, we'll call him D (24), who they'd grown close to over the course of the year or so we'd lived together. Well, they already had a visit planned months in advance for D to come out and stay in our apartment for two weeks. They told me that they were romantically interested in D, and wanted to see how things went in person. I didn't want to ask them to cancel such an expensive trip so short notice, so I sucked it up. At the time, I expressed that I wanted D to sleep on our fold-out couch (we have a two-bedroom, and they got their own bed after the breakup) but they told me that who they invite into their bed is none of my business.

Anyway, so, my ex lied to me. Turned out that they'd already been dating D for a couple of weeks before the visit took place. The walls are not thick so I heard them fucking more than once. My ex invited me out to drink with them and I ended up crying because it was really painful to watch them hang off of someone else and loudly make jokes about all the sex they were going to have later.

Fast forward a couple of months, and D gets kicked out of his apartment and needs somewhere to live. This is where shit hits the fan, and what prompted this post.

D has never liked me, although he tries very hard in a shallow way to make me like him. (I think it's an anxiety thing — he wants me to like him because then I feel less threatening, not because he actually cares about getting to know me, you know?) I overheard a phone conversation between Ex and D where he was ranting about how I have no friends because I'm such an unlikeable bitch, I'm never going to change or improve myself, he fucking hates me, I'm a narcissist, Ex needs to move out and cut ties with me because I'm so toxic, blah blah blah. D also has schizophrenia, multiple personalities due to severe childhood trauma, he age-regresses (constantly; his default mental age is ~17), and he's an alcoholic. All of this to say that he is a very paranoid and depressed person.

(Side note: I expressly told my ex that I didn't want him to stay in our apartment. They said that they understood and assured me it would only be for a few days while they found him a place. It's been ~3 weeks now, and he's still here.)

I was woken up one night a week ago by my ex and D having a very loud conversation about suicide. D was having a mental breakdown/panic attack and ex was actively having to keep him away from pills and knifes. I laid in my bedroom and listened to D describe a fantasy in which he takes a gun and blows his brains out in front of me — apparently because I am a huge source of depression and anxiety for him, on account of me not liking him.

I don't believe I've been mean to D. I simply don't care about him. I do my best to not acknowledge him/pretend he doesn't exist. My ex disagrees.

They claim I've been outwardly cruel to him and that my hostility is the reason for his near suicide-attempt. They called me all sorts of names and pinned the blame almost entirely on me.

That night of the panic attack, I also became anxious that D would try to do something to hurt me or my two cats. (He has a history of animal abuse/murder.) I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife to sleep with because I was too tense to get back to sleep.

Well, D found out about the knife and apparently he is now terrified that I'm going to do something to him (and he could have only known about it if my ex told him, as he does not enter my room EVER), which my ex also blames on me.

My ex made the decision to break our lease and move out around a month ago. Rather than find a new roommate, I decided to get a small one bedroom apartment for myself. My ex seems upset about this. I told them blatantly that I don't want to see each other or even communicate once the move is completed, which I don't think they've grasped. They keep making remarks about trying to stay in contact or me visiting them at their new place.

I am a college student and I have a job. I have missed three of my morning classes this month already because my ex and D both like to stay up late at night and play games in the living room and/or drink together. They both talk very loudly and this can go on until 2 in the morning. It's nearly impossible for me to relax and sleep with their constant activity. I also do the dishes, feed the pets, clean up after them, sweep, take out the trash, throw away the beer cans they both leave everywhere, hell, I've even done their laundry.

The only thing my ex does is cook occasionally, which they seem to think is an effort towards our friendship, when they consistently prioritize D's dietary desires over mine, never help me with my groceries, and when they order food, never get anything for me. If there is enough food for three, then they will offer me some. That's about it.

They make no effort to spend time with me and actively avoid having difficult conversations while at the same time accusing me of moving out because I'm "running away from my problems." They want to be both my best friend and a good husband.

Oh, yeah. Ex and D are married as of last week, ish. No idea why. Not my problem.

But, the way I see it, it is functionally impossible for Ex to prioritize someone as high-maintenance as their new husband AND be my friend at the same time, considering all of the emotional conflicts going on in our fucked up little situation here.

(Side note: all of this is IGNORING the 3k my ex owes my parents, as they helped us both out when my ex lost their job last year. My ex told me that they're frustrated because it feels like my family is "ganging up" on them, and that they were under the impression my parents would just forgive the money and all of us could part ways on good terms. I have literally no idea where they got THAT impression.)

I feel ignored and underappreciated. I am also fairly confident that I'm being gaslit, as Ex constantly blames me for my feelings AND for D's feelings. I am posting this now because I legitimately cannot tell if I'm overreacting or not. Ex makes me doubt my thoughts and the validity of my actions. (RE: the knife incident, they chastised me for scaring D all because I was "paranoid," when I brought up the phone call I overheard, Ex told me that D was just drunk/angry and didn't really mean it, the last time I complained about them both being noisy (during sex) it was brushed off as me being bitter that I'm still single, etc)

I know that Ex is also stressed and dealing with a lot. Am I being too harsh? Am I overthinking this? Should I buckle down and try to make it work? I've been friends with them for ⅓ of my life — they've been with me through my worst and my best. So much of who I am is shaped by them. I don't want to give that up, but I also think that maybe I need to if I'm ever going to improve myself/my mental state.

I am legitimately looking forward to moving out on my own, being responsible only for myself, only cleaning up my own messes, focusing on work and school and potentially maybe even making some new friends. I don't want Ex in my life anymore, I just want to put the last year behind me, and I think they know that — they're just in denial. They want to have their cake and eat it, too.

[argisthebulwark]

Happy week number two of @tescheer folks!!✨ I know that this is not entirely canon compliant but I am too obsessed with the idea of a New Years kiss with Brynjolf to care <3 This is another prompt combo - Kiss and Party :)

With each second that passed, they grew closer to the closing of that disastrous year. The Guild Master was tucked securely into her chair and attempted her sternest expression in case anyone happened to look her way. While the festivities were exciting, they were no excuse to fall behind in her work. Recruits needed fresh armor, new training dummies needed to be procured, and she had a meeting with the Black Briars that she'd yet to prepare for. Sweeping a hand over her table she grabbed a list of jobs yet to be assigned - a meeting with Delvin and Vex would certainly be added to her ever growing to-do list. 

Another round of laughter interrupted her thoughts. The Guild Master's gaze tracked around the tavern and felt something tugging in her chest - thieves gathered around the bar, drinks half finished and heads thrown back in laughter. It felt like a lifetime ago that she'd been part of their group, free from the constant weight of responsibility she now bore.

When she'd been awarded with the position of Guild Master it had felt like such an honor, a reward for what she'd endured. As the months dragged by she'd begun to realize why no one else was eager for the job. Mercer had enough thieving to last them a lifetime, which left her with little more than a never ending pile of paperwork and a persistent headache. 

"C'mon, lass." Brynjolf placed a mug of ale atop her list and the Guild Master grit her teeth. "Celebrate with us." 

"I have tasks to finish." She attempted to wave him off, though a hand around her wrist stopped whatever protest came next. Brynjolf's cheeks were slightly pink and his armor was unbuckled to reveal a dark shirt. Despite her best efforts she hadn't been able to stomp out that damned crush on him. It had stuck around since that first fateful encounter. The smile on his lips seemed to melt away all her worries when he guided her out of the chair. 

"It's almost the new year." He countered and she knew her resolve wouldn't last. She tried to remain wary but the excited chatter only grew as an ancient clock ticked down the seconds. The Guild Master's head felt fuzzy when Brynjolf's hand rested on her lower back, guiding her deeper into the crowd. Surrounded by old friends and new recruits, she allowed herself a moment of relaxation. 

"Been one hell of a year." Delvin's gruff voice cut through the rest, all conversations quieting. The Guild Master's cheeks burned when he raised his mug and nodded in her direction. "But with the help of Brynjolf and his favorite little recruit, we've finally righted the ship." 

Brynjolf's rich laugh warmed her heart. He remained close and bore an easy smile she'd seen less often during the past few weeks. He looked comfortable, like he could finally relax. A large hand patted her on the shoulder the Guild Master's stomach sank as all eyes turned to her. She prayed that they wouldn't expect a motivational speech.

"Choosin’ you is still the best decision I’ve ever made." His voice dripped with sentimentality and breathing became difficult. His gaze always knocked her off balance, heart skittering out of control and hands clumsy when he looked at her. She tended to ignore the childish crush, stuffing feelings down until they became easy to avoid. But as the last minute of their tumultuous year slipped away it was dangerously easy to grow closer to him, those old feelings bubbling to the surface. 

"Ten! Nine! Eight!" 

"I should get back to work." She breathed, enticed by the way Brynjolf had drifted closer. Bodies jostled as thieves joined in on a chant, counting down until the beginning of a new year. 

"Seven! Six!" 

"Is that what you want?" His words were heavy with another meaning she couldn't hope to discern. The Guild Master's throat ran dry when she recalled the old tradition - the myth that kissing your partner as the clock struck midnight heralded a prosperous new year. Brynjolf's deep green eyes took in every move she made and she knew she could reject him now, could flee to her desk and hide behind her work. 

"Five!" 

"No." She answered finally, hands trembling at her sides. Someone's elbow jabbed into her back as they hurried past, sending her stumbling closer to Brynjolf.

"Four!" 

"What do you want then, lass?" Deep and sultry, his words broke the last of her resolve. 

"Three! Two!"

Her eyes fluttered closed and her heart sang when she swallowed against the cowardly urge to back out. She'd sold her soul to a Daedric Prince and faced off against unbeatable foes, she could be brave for this one moment.

"One!" 

Kissing him was messy, arms flung around his shoulders and noses bumping together. He tasted like ale but the Guild Master paid it no mind. Brynjolf's hands steadied her, chuckling into the kiss. One strong arm wrapped around her waist and she was in heaven, Brynjolf's lips moving so easily against hers. It was better than all those little fantasies that had floated around in her mind over the years, clumsy yet perfect. Somewhere off in the distance she heard someone hollering her name but nothing mattered other than his kiss.

She didn't open her eyes when he pulled away, forehead pressed to hers. A soft kiss landed on her overheated cheek but she couldn't look quite yet. Her cheeks burned when she heard one of the thieves wolf whistling and fought to stay in this blissful little moment with Brynjolf.

"Hell of a way to start the new year." 

[ahgasegotarmy116]

L0v3 y0u | Choi Yeonjun

Summary: He tells you the truth but is that something you can live with? Pairing: Reader x Idol Yeonjun Word Count: 1.6k~ Warnings: again like one curse word lol a/n: Just a little bite to hold you over ;) Read part 1 L0v3 Me for more context <3

🟢 Yejun is active

🟢 y/n is active 

Yejun: Hi love how was your day? Hopefully a lot easier than the past few days :/

y/n: It was okay, better than yesterday but I feel like everything is getting to be a little too much for me. 

Yejun: Ah now you're speaking my language. Remember what you told me when I was going through a rough time a few weeks ago? 

y/n: No not really...

Yejun: You've gotta start taking your own advice silly. Talk to your boss, I know that you just got promoted but that doesn't mean that you should be left defenseless and drowning on your own. You deserve proper training so if you're not getting it then ask for help. Your colleagues are there to help you. You're all working towards the same goal right?

y/n: Yeah I guess you're right

Yejun: Of course I'm right, but only because you were right about me. I'm just giving you back your own advice. And just like you told me you can also talk to me about anything, I'm here for you always. 

y/n: Thank you baby, I don't know what I would do without you.

Yejun: Baby?

y/n: Shit! I'm sorry

Yejun: No it's okay, I like it ;)

y/n: If we give each other any more nicknames people might get the wrong idea about us. 

Yejun: What sort of idea? 

I wait anxiously for your response seeing the three dots showing me you're typing pop up and down not realizing I had been holding my breath the whole time until I receive your response.

y/n: That we're together...

Yejun: Would that be a bad thing?

I take it as my opening to see if you feel the same way about me as I do about you. We've been talking for over six months now so I would think that it might be time that we had this conversation.

y/n: I mean...no. But wouldn't we be lying?

Yejun: We can make it the truth if you want to. 

y/n: What are you trying to say?

I guess it's now or never. I get up and lock my bedroom door and sit down at my desk chair before pressing the call button. 

"Yejun?" you responds quietly. Shit I forgot it was already pretty late over there. 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" I spit out before I have the chance to chicken out.

"What? Are you serious?" you respond clearly still confused. 

"Dead serious" I say smiling at your response. I know I caught you off guard but I'm really hoping you'll say yes.

"I know we haven't met in person and we live in different countries and time zones but, I really like you" I confess, doing my best to convince you. 

"Are you sure you don't mind long distance? Like we won't be able to have a normal relationship" you say clearly concerned already.

"I don't need a normal relationship, I just need you" I'm starting to get worried that this might not be enough for you. 

"Don't feel like you have to answer now. I guess I just wanted you to know how I felt about you" I say, backing down a bit to take some pressure off of you.

"No, I don't need time to think. I want to be with you, I want to be your girlfriend" you say and I can almost hear your smile through the phone. 

"Really?" I ask because I'm honestly speechless right now. 

"Really. Yes Yejun, I'll be your girlfriend" I am so happy to hear those words from your lips but I feel horrible that I'm still lying to you. 

"Hey y/n" I ask, getting your attention even though I've had it this whole time. 

"Hey Yejun" you throw back playfully waiting for me to continue.

"Can you promise me something?" I ask going at this as slowly as I can.

"Anything" you say and wait patiently for me to start. 

"I know I've been really private about my job and life in general but I also haven't been honest with you about who I am..." I start hoping that you're following and you aren't upset with me yet.

"Meaning?" you reply, prodding me to continue, clearly curious as to what else I have to say.

"One of the reasons why I've hidden almost everything in my life from you is because...well because I'm actually a public figure in Korea" I say easing her into all of this.

"Are you saying you're famous?" you say making sure you're following.

"Yeah" I say cringing hating that fact but hoping she'll believe me.

"Is your name even Yejun?" you ask catching onto how much I must have lied to you.

"No...it's not" I say quietly bringing light to one of the many lies I've told you.

"Can you tell me your name?" you say seeing how much I'm willing to tell you. 

"I feel like if I do that you'll be able to figure out who I am pretty easily...it's not that I don't trust you. It's just that...well can we take baby steps? One of the many reasons I asked you to be my girlfriend was because I wanted to see if you were serious about us or if we should just stay friends. If you want to back out right now I totally understand and we can just forget about this conversation and go back to normal. Or we can end things here if you feel like you don't want to talk to me anymore. I know I've lied to you, but the person I am with you is who I really am, me as a person and not me as the famous guy everyone thinks they know". 

"Yeah I get that, I believe you" you respond catching me off guard completely. 

"Really? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't". 

"I mean I feel like I know you well enough that I can tell whether or not you're being sincere. If I'm being honest I had my suspicions" you say giggling at my behavior. 

"Really? How did you know?" I respond dumbfounded.

"You're not as convincing as you think you are. There were points that I could tell you were really making things up on the fly. Plus who else is so secretive about their entire life? Like you're either married and having an affair, a criminal in need of love in his life again or a famous person feeling misunderstood. I'm just happy you ended up being the last one. Although you could still be lying to me" you laugh trying to ease my stress.

"Have you figured out who I am, or who I might be?" I question cautiously.

"If I guess correctly will you tell me?" you challenge.

"Yes I promise I'll tell you" I smile at your playful attitude. I'm glad to see things haven't changed between us yet. Well I hope that if they do change it'll be for the better. 

"Are you some kind of choreographer or a model?" you start out, testing the waters.

"Both of those are true to a certain extent but neither are my 'official title' if that makes sense". 

"So what you're trying to say is you're an all rounder? Like you're multi talented entertainer?" you continue.

"I think you've made this guessing game a lot easier than I had expected but yes" I laugh knowing that you're smart enough to get it right.

"So you're a kpop idol right?" you respond, convinced you're correct.

"Yeah... but I'm still me just, please don't let my status or occupation or whatever make you treat me any differently. I know it's cheesy but I'm a person just like you. I mean you already pretty much said what my whole motive was for catfishing you I guess, but I never thought that something like this could happen though. I'm very happy it did, but my intention was not to get an online girlfriend or anything of the sort. You kind of just showed up and everything changed"

You take a moments to think and as the seconds go by I start to get nervous at the thought that it might be too much for you. 

"Are you still there?" I question not sure if the call had dropped or something. 

"Yeah I'm still here, I guess I just need some time to think. I'm not breaking up with you or anything if thats what you're worried about. I just need a second to get my thoughts in order if that makes sense.... Are you okay with that?" you question tentatively. 

"Yes of course, take all the time you need! I know this is a lot, so I understand" I say knowing that even though I want this to be a super easy yes and things will progress 'normally' it's important to deal with everything logically and take our time. 

"Thanks, is it okay if I call you later? It's pretty late here and I've got work in the morning" you say, having a very good reason to finish up the call. 

"For sure, I'll be here so call anytime" I say sincerely.

"Isn't your life a bit too hectic for that?" you laugh bringing a bit more light to the conversation. 

"Yeah kinda but I can always make time for you. I would be a horrible boyfriend if I didn't right?" I say using the term hoping that it's still okay with you. 

"I guess you're right" you say softly and I can tell that you're smiling which is a good sign. 

"Well goodnight love and just let me know when you're ready to talk" I offer up, giving her an opening to leave without feeling too much pressure. 

"I will, thanks. Have a good rest of your day love" you say before ending the call. 

I take a deep breath in and out a few times and process everything about what just happened. 

First I was nervous, then self conscious, then excited, then guilty, then scared, then relieved, then shocked, then playful, then nervous again and now I don't know. I feel my head is spinning after riding this emotional rollercoaster. I could only imagine how you could be feeling... 

Check out the Part 3 L0v3 Us

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[wishful-seeker]

My simplified story of my CRPS and experience with ketamine.

I've had crps for 5 years now. I developed it at 18 years old after completing a triathlon and getting tendinitis in my knee, which became crps. Over the course of 2 years it spread to both knees, both elbows, and both wrists. For the past 3 years i have been mostly bedridden. I couldn't walk for more than 3 minutes and even when i did it was excruciating, i couldn't touch a computer, any video games, i couldn't write anymore, i could barely make art anymore, i had to stop writing in my journal and had to keep it on my phone because of my pain. I cannot even sit in chairs or drive or run or jump. I use a wheelchair when i leave the house. When it was its worse it felt like i was being burned alive. I remember days when feeling okay lasted literal seconds and then it was gone. I remember days being in so much pain i couldn't pick up my phone and my mom had to spoon feed me. Days where all i could do was lay in bed and think. I remember days when i desperately wanted to go outside and feel the sun, when i walked outside i would count to 10. I would soak up everything i could in those 10 seconds, the colors of the sky and the fresh air. When the time was up i went back to bed and couldn't do that again for another few days.

I started ketamine infusions a year ago, i was diagnosed last year. I had infusions before i was diagnosed. First we did a 2 hour infusion. It worked wonders, for six weeks i actually jumped on a trampoline for a few minutes almost everyday, i even climbed the low branch of a tree and sat on it. Then we did a 4 hour infusion. The results were not the same. I tried four more 4 hour infusions every six weeks, but there was no relief. I was devastated. I thought the universe was cruel to even give me such hope. Then i got diagnosed and i was told of a place in Clearwater Florida with dr. Hanna that did infusions differently. I went there and met him, he prescribed a 4 hour infusion every day for 10 days, 5 days, the weekend off, then 5 more days, he also prescribed oral ketamine, 30mg 3 times a day on the weekend, one at night on infusion days. I did that. It was the hardest thing I've ever been through. It felt like dying a thousand times. I almost gave up and left early because i hate the experience of ketamine so much. But after the fifth day my dad noticed me bouncing my leg when i was sitting, something i did all my life up until crps which made it too painful. Thats when we realized, since the second infusion, i was in ZERO pain, none at all. That continued until i got home and i had a flair. I always get a flair after infusions, this is very normal for me, but it was scary. I worried the hardest thing i had ever done wasn't worth it. The flair ended, and i tried playing minecraft, my favorite game I've been unable to play for years. I had a system: play for 20 minutes, rest for 20 minutes, and repeat. I played for HOURS. I tried again the next day and it was the same, and the day after that, and the day after that. Six weeks after Clearwater i had whats called a booster infusion, which was 2 days of 4 hour infusions. Then i went two MONTHS until needing my next infusions, which i had two weeks ago.

Here is what my life looks like now: im still in bed most of the time, but i do not think of the pain, it doesn't distract me. It used to be 7-10/10 now its 3-6/10. I play minecraft with my best friend almost everyday often all day. Last week i painted a dresser. I have a garden i lightly care for each day. After the infusions before this one i had a day where i was completely able bodied, i baked a pie, went to the park, transplanted plants and played minecraft. Not only this, but even when the infusions wear off it still has permanent beneficial effects. In the past, no ketamine meant i was taking 4 scolding hot baths a day to soothe the pain in my knees. Now no ketamine means bath some days, maybe 2.

It's over. I made it. I made it to a life i thought was impossible and its not even done getting better. I am happy. I am not suffering. I am regaining freedom. It. Is. Over.

[dorkofclanlavellan]

Superman & The Lone Wolf

Notes: My goal is to make the reader character (who will be called Lone Wolf instead of y/n) as neutral and ambiguous as possible. If I mess up and use any descriptors etc please let me know so I can fix it. Pairing(s): Clark Kent/Superman (Cavill) x gn!werewolf!reader, mentions of Clark x Lois Warning(s): Werewolves (not compliant to werewolves in DC canon and based on my own version of werewolves), kind of long

Superman was a few miles outside of Metropolis, returning from chasing down some bank robbers and handing them over to the police. He made sure to check below him occasionally while he flew towards the city.

He was eager to go see Lois, maybe he could make it up to her for being late for dinner. He knew she was getting frustrated that all of their dates were either getting canceled or cut short but she was trying to be understanding that he had obligations as Superman.

Suddenly he noticed a flash of white moving impossibly fast towards the city. Deciding to investigate, Clark landed in a patch of trees, hoping the delay wouldn't take too long. But those hopes were forgotten as he realized what exactly he was looking at.

A wolf. A very big wolf. It was just standing there now, staring at him with wide eyes. Ears and tail held high and straight and even the wolf's legs were rigid. But it wasn't the defensive stance or even the size of the wolf that caught Clark's attention. This wolf looked like none he'd ever seen.

On top of being at least 3' tall, the wolf was almost entirely white with the exception of its ears which were a silver shade. And its eyes, eyes that Clark could hardly look away from, were red. Whether they were actually glowing or just appeared that way in the moonlight he wasn't sure.

Clark snapped out of his daze and took a deliberate step towards the wolf. This movement was met with a low, warning growl.

"Easy now. I trust you don't mean any trouble to the city or the people who live there. As long as that is the case, you've nothing to worry about from me." He said, one hand held out to show he was no threat to the wolf so long as they did not attack.

The way the wolf shook its head to indicate it had no intention of hurting anyone, let Clark know that there was, in fact, a person behind those startling red eyes. The wolf cautiously stepped forward and sniffed Clark's hand, bumping it once with its head before turning and fleeing. Again it moved at a speed that he knew was impossible for a regular wolf.

Clark decided to give them a moment so they could shift back to their human form without running the risk of him seeing. He would respect their right to their secret identity, as he protects his own so fiercely.

'Well at least I'll have an interesting story to tell Lois.' Clark thought to himself, taking back to the air after a few minutes.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

1 month later

"I still can't believe you sniffed Superman's hand!" Fiona, Lone Wolf's best friend, giggled while they busily prepared their catering office for the interview they had later.

"It's been a month, Fi! You've been saying that every day since." Lone Wolf responded in mock exasperation.

A month. They had been in Metropolis for over six months but their catering business has only been open for four weeks exactly. They were also a food reviewer, which they had been doing for years now. But their dream had always been catering so when they went into the business with their best friend they merely laughed and rolled their eyes at all the Phoebe and Monica jokes Fiona made.

"Well, yeah! You sniffed Superman!" Fiona retorted. "I mean he literally just saved the world from an invasion of his own people almost 2 months ago!"

"Can we please focus on making sure everything is perfect before the reporter from the Daily Planet gets here?" Lone Wolf huffed, fighting back a grin at Fiona's excitement. "And after they leave we still have to send a menu for approval to the Edmonstone wedding, a follow-up with the Chrichtons and I need to edit and post my review of that bakery in Gotham. Not to mention stocking up for the full moon in a couple of days."

"Who do you think they're going to send for the interview anyway?" Fiona asked, waving away the list of tasks. "I hope it's Lois Lane! She's absolutely gorgeous...I'd probably pass out. Or ask her to marry me as soon as I see her, like a psycho."

"You are psycho, Fi." Lone Wolf teased, rolling their eyes when Fiona stuck her tongue out at them. "Besides, I doubt the Daily Planet would send someone like Lois Lane to interview a new catering business."

"Oh, please! We've been open for a month and business has been booming! We already have a waiting list for crying out loud. People love your food, plus your review blog has made you kind of famous."

"Business is doing so well because your godfather, the mayor, hired us and has been referring us to everyone. And it's February." Lone Wolf countered. Before Fiona could argue, they heard the chime from the entrance, letting them know someone had come in.

"Hi, I'm from the Daily Planet. I'm here for an interview. My name is Clark Kent." Lone Wolf set the sample plate down on the table and turned to face the voice. As they did a familiar smell struck them.

Lone Wolf fought to maintain composure as they went to shake hands with the reporter. Discreetly taking in his scent again, confirmed to Lone Wolf what most of the world did not know.

Clark Kent is Superman.

[trollprincess]

Oh, also, a couple of weeks ago my dad went down to North Carolina to see my grandma, who’s living with my aunt and her husband these days and has been starting to show signs of dementia.

Now, just to give a brief background here - my dad is her child from her first marriage with Al, my only living grandpa. They divorced when my dad was really young and my grandma married Frank. Al signed away his parental rights to Frank (it was the 50s, so), then left them alone. Al didn’t connect with us again until forty years later. Ever since Al came back into our lives, Grandma won’t show up for anything he’s at. She didn’t even come to my brother’s wedding. And she was distant from us to begin with. She seemed to like our cousin by our aunt, who’s her daughter with my grandpa Frank, better than us.

Aaaaaaanyway.

My dad goes to see her this month and he’s just sitting there in her room watching “Murder, She Wrote” with her for hours, and she spent God knows how long bitching about how Al left them. (Which … okay, fine, but he’s a good guy and he’s made mistakes and done things he thought were right that in retrospect may not have been. But she’s never said anything worse than he left.) My dad, who got this great new family out of meeting Al and still gets to have a dad after my grandpa Frank passed away, was trying to defend him.

Then my grandma stopped (thankfully) and asked, “So, do you have any kids?”

Now, my mom told me this with the expectation that … I don’t know. I’d be upset? I’m the oldest grandchild on both sides of the family. I’ve been around forty-six years at this point. She remembered my mom. Did not remember me, or my brother, who it should be mentioned was born the same week as our cousin. (This is no slight against my cousin, by the way. My cousin’s great. The fact she’s been the clear favorite for decades doesn’t make her awful.)

I’m just … I’m not upset, I’m not angry, I’m not frustrated or sad. It almost means nothing, because by now that’s the relationship she’s built with me and my brother - nothing. We decided to give Al a chance, and from that moment on we were even more of a pair of pariahs than we already were. That’s not to say she was ever mean to us. Just … if my cousin’s in the room, we don’t exist. She only talks to us about our cousin on the few times we’ve seen her.

I wish I could be sad. Teenage me could have been sad to be forgotten, even if only for a moment. But there was a certain point after college where I realized I was never going to be the grandchild of the husband she actually liked. Neither was my brother. And a lot of what got us to see her was that we got to see our grandpa Frank, who was *amazing*. He and Al would have gotten on like a roof on fire. But because of my grandma, they never got to meet.

And now my grandma is at the point where she’s asking my dad if he has kids. And I’m not shocked she’s asking it now. I’m shocked she wasn’t asking it fifteen years ago or so when she was fine, and just refusing to give a damn about either me or my brother.

[bobmckenzie]

Up Late ⇢ selfshipvember day 4

word count: ~1400 blurb: tax season is always stressful for Louis, but his girlfriend Caitie can't stand to see him overworking himself.

Tax season was Louis' busiest time of year, and Caitie knew he'd have more of a workload than usual—she just hadn’t realized how much more. Dates had become non-existent, he’d forgotten his lunch on the counter twice this week, and he was turning in for the night later and later.

Gigs with the Galactic Chicks had gotten her used to staying up late, so Louis almost always fell asleep before her. But tonight, she'd been yawning for the past hour, flipping through channels on the little TV in his room and waiting for him to come to bed.

When the digital clock on his bedside table turned to 2:00am, she turned off the TV with a sigh and slinked out from under the covers. They'd been dating for six months now, and in all that time she'd never seen him up at this hour. He'd tried to wait up for her in the past when her shows ran extra late, but always ended up falling asleep—he just wasn't a night owl.

Her bare feet shuffled on the plush carpet of his bedroom until she stepped out into the living area, padding across the cool wooden floors to the dining table, where he’d set up to work after dinner—that was almost seven hours ago.

He was hunched over papers, one hand busy scrawling something onto a yellow notepad, the other punching numbers into his calculator. His hair, normally gelled down and styled just the way he liked it, was no longer abiding by the product, all fluffed up and messy. And he was mumbling to himself, talking through whatever it was he was doing—she never pretended to understand the technicalities of his work, and loved him for not minding that she didn't. 

Normally she found it relaxing to watch him work; he was always so organized, so methodical. The sight before her now was anything but relaxing—her boyfriend looked like the definition of stress.

"Louis?"

His head shot up, eyes meeting hers. There were dark circles beneath them, framed by his glasses, which were slightly askew. "Caitie—Gee, what're you doing up?" He checked his watch.

"Waiting for you," she replied with a gentle laugh.

He sighed, shaking his head, gaze going back to his work. "I'm sorry. I'll probably be up at least another hour—I should've told you not to wait. Get some sleep, okay?"

With a sigh, she walked over to him, standing by his side and running a hand over his hair. "You know, I don't spend the night here just because your bedding's nicer than mine."

He was looking more exhausted by the second, and now confused to top it off. “You—What?” He stared up at her, and she could see now that his eyes were bloodshot.

He was clearly too tired to even understand the joke. She maneuvered to sit on his lap, one hand on his shoulder, the other brushing back his hair. "I’m saying I was hoping to spend some time with you tonight. I miss you, Lou-Bear." The nickname was a weakness of his, she knew, and she wasn't above using it. "You've been working so hard all week."

He smiled at the petname, but gestured around her to the scattered paperwork. “I told you I’d be busy. You know, I—I understand when you’ve got a lot of practice sessions, when you’re busy getting ready for a big gig and everything.” 

"No, I know, it’s just…” She shrugged, heart sinking, gaze falling from his. “You didn’t even kiss me goodbye this morning, you know. One second you were here, the next thing I knew you were out the door."

His brow furrowed, but the memory seemed to click, his expression falling. "Oh, Caitie, I'm sorry—"

"No, no,” she shook her head, not meaning to make him feel guilty over it, “it's alright, I understand. Your mind is on your work right now, and I get that. I’ll survive without romance for a few weeks—but you can't survive staying up until three in the morning and getting up at seven.”

He put his hands on her waist, giving a gentle squeeze. “Listen, I promise things’ll go back to normal soon. I’ll take you out on a real nice date as soon as Tax Day’s behind us.”

“Louis.” She took his chin gently in her hand. He wasn't getting the point. “I can live without a morning kiss, and without dates, but I can't live with you overworking yourself like this."

"I'll… I'll be okay," he insisted. But with her holding him like this, the idea of getting all snuggled up in bed and finally getting some sleep was even more appealing than it had been an hour ago when he'd almost fallen asleep at the table daydreaming about it.

His whole body was aching from sitting and hunching over his work all day, his eyes were stinging and barely able to stay open, his thoughts were muddled… 

"Please come get some sleep,” she pleaded, pouting slightly. “For me?”

When she cupped his face in her hand, he knew he was a goner. He couldn't stop himself from resting against her palm, his eyes fluttering shut, mind emptying as the exhaustion he'd been ignoring crept in. 

"Things’ll be easier for you tomorrow if you get the extra hour of rest," she cooed softly, trying to lull him with her voice. "I already laid some pajamas out for you… and in the morning you can take a nice, long shower while I make you some breakfast…" She'd make sure it was a hearty one, too. He seemed to be running on granola bars and takeout lately. "How's that sound?"

Her other hand was playing in his hair again, slowly brushing through the strands, relaxing him beyond what he thought was possible during this time of year. His breathing was slowing, mind now thinking of cotton sheets, his warm comforter, and Caitie cuddled up against his side. 

"Well… That sounds… real nice."

"Come on," she whispered, standing slowly, not wanting to break the trance she had him in. Taking him by the hand, she guided him out of the stiff chair—if he tried to pull this type of thing tomorrow night, maybe she could lure him away from work with the offer of a massage, she thought. God knew he must’ve needed one.

She flicked off the overhead lights, leaving them only in the glow of the moonlight leaking in from between the curtains he'd forgotten to close and the dim stream of lamplight coming from his bedroom. He shuffled beside her all the way to his room, yawning as she shut the door behind them. His green pajamas were sitting folded on the still-made half of the bed, curtains drawn, gentle hum of the fan in the corner of the room only adding to his drowsiness. 

When she looked down at him, she almost laughed—his eyes were practically closed. He was falling asleep on his feet. "Why don't I take these…" She gently removed his glasses, stepping over to put them on the bedside table before reaching for his wrist. "And this," she said softly, fingers undoing his watch. 

"Mmhmm…"

She couldn't help smiling. "Lou, you're exhausted. Let's just lie down, okay?" She walked over to place his pajamas on top of the dresser, pulling the bedding back.

"I'm in my work clothes," he yawned the sentence, words slurred. "I'll get the sheets all dirty."

"I'm free all day tomorrow," she said, taking him by the hand to lead him to his side of the bed. "I'll wash them."

The smile he gave as he sat was dopey and filled with love. "Really?"

"Really," she answered softly, guiding him to lie down before tucking him in. "And then I'll bring you some lunch at the firehouse, okay?" 

She turned off the lamp and slipped into bed, where Louis instantly scooched closer to cuddle up. He slung an arm around her, resting his head in the crook of her neck.

"Will you stay and eat with me? I miss you too," he murmured.

A smile grew on her face as she took off her glasses and set them beside his. Finally she snuggled against him, not caring that the zipper on his turtleneck was poking her shoulder, or that the hair brushing against her cheek was still a little stiff from styling product. "I'd like that."

It dawned on him that he'd forgotten a goodnight kiss, too. With all the energy he had left, he lifted his head to place a soft, brief peck to her mouth before nuzzling back against her shoulder. "Love you."

"Love you too," she whispered, heart warm and happy as she closed her eyes.

[thedo0zyslider]

I Love You (I'm Not Supposed Too) - Chapter Six: Secrets Kept No More - 4k Words

Fwhip finally finds out what Jimmy wanted to say all those months ago.

A03 Link

The next few days in the Ocean Empire were pretty routine. And boring. Every day is almost the same, save for a few moments when he and Jimmy would either sneak away together, or they got too tired of each other's presence and retreated to their chambers for a few hours. Other than that, they would wake up, and head to the Cod Empire to do whatever needed done. Helping a whole group of people properly establish themselves was a lot of work, work Fwhip hadn’t signed up for. But he helped anyways, because there was nothing else to do, not really.

The work was pretty standard, all things considered. They helped people get back on their feet, did boring government stuff Fwhip always zoned out on, like he did at home, built things, helped with the farms, and sometimes they were even put on babysitting duty. Though the half dragon wasn’t very trusted in that department for a few obvious reasons. Mainly the bigotry and his usual impulsiveness, but he didn’t mind. Fwhip was never a big fan of kids anyways. And then, at the end of the day, when the little tasks were done, they headed back to the Prisma Palace for dinner and whatever the Ocean Queen wanted them to do. If she wanted anything.

The half dragon is given a guest room, one with a giant, plush bed and a lot of decor on the wall. Merfolk liked to line their homes with shell and other such trinkets, as he’d come to notice, and the guest rooms were no exception. Just like the rest of the palace, his room was also very pink and blue and white. Fwhip thinks he could go his whole life without seeing this color palette ever again, and be perfectly content.

One morning, maybe a week or so into the trip, the future Count awakens earlier than normal. He doesn’t know why, but he does know the sun is streaming through his room’s window; meaning he should get out of bed pretty soon. He has a feeling the queen doesn’t take lightly to oversleepers, even if he had helped carry loads of stone and wood and whatnot around the swamp all yesterday and probably needed the extra rest. But whatever, her house, her rules, the ginger supposed.

He dresses in his normal attire, minus the black coat. He hates taking it off, but less layers means he won’t get as sweaty. Especially since he does manual labor most of the day, or a lot of walking. Fwhip was used to extreme heat in the forge, not the humidity of a swamp in the summertime. Also, it’s just less fabric to get all muddy and gross. His poor boots though will need to be deep cleaned when he’s home, all the shoes he brought with him will. It feels like there’s water permanently in the leather nowadays, even when there’s not.

But that’s not the focus right now. The focus is getting ready and then getting breakfast. Ocean cuisine was a little….unusual for his tastes, but he did like a few of the dishes. Disturbing meals including both salmon and cod aside. Thankfully those weren’t usually served at breakfast, so he could avoid them until dinner or lunch time most days. Usually .

Fwhip steps out of his door a few minutes later, right after he finishes his morning routine…..and realizes he doesn't have a clue where the dining hall would be in this gigantic place. He ate there for dinner the previous night, but this place is so huge compared to the Manor. He has no idea how to even get back there, despite having a small tour when he arrived. Also, it would feel very awkward walking in without Jimmy.

He mumbles something to himself, grumpy from another bad night of sleep. It was hard to get any rest with waves constantly roaring all night long. His sleep deprivation, which was worse than normal, was probably making the whole trip more unpleasant than it actually was. The Ocean and its Empire were quite pretty, one had to admit, and the half dragon was sure he’d enjoy it more if it would let him sleep .

The ginger walks down to Jimmy’s room as he grumbles, the only place in the Palace he’s somewhat sure of the location of. That and his guest room. Mostly because they are in close proximity to each other, likely done on purpose, and because they’re the two most important rooms he passes every evening. He thinks he’s figured out where the library (the above water one) is though. He thinks.

He finds the Prince’s room, with less struggle than he had a few days ago. Fwhip only turned the wrong corner a few times! Yesterday he’d done that like, six or seven, so, progress! And while he’s never really…..knocked on Jimmy’s door, he knows the other is awake around this time. The cod had woken him up from a restless sleep far too often, enough that was decently familiar with the others' general sleep shedulce. Visiting him real quick would be fine , especially if he got breakfast at the end of it.

Fwhip opens the door, and he really, really should've knocked. He opens the door to a shirtless Jimmy, presumably in the middle of changing, and it takes the half dragon a good minute of shocked staring to realize that a binder is covering his chest. Jimmy whips his head around to face him, some kind of fear clearly in his gaze. The future Count kinda wants to punch himself for being so stupid.

Once he has that realization, the half dragon feels himself start to fumble out of embarrassment. “Oh, shit , sorry —I didn’t know you were-" He stumbles over his words, feeling a blush start to creep up his face. He politely keeps his gaze on the floor, his hand searching for the doorknob once again. The young prince is not having any of this, and the half dragon can’t really blame him.

“Just leave, okay!?” The cod snaps at him, and Fwhip listens to this guy for what has to be one of the first times ever. He ducks his head back out as soon as he finds the knob again, closing the door behind him with a rather loud slam. Silently, he slides down against the nearest wall, and resists the urge to scream into his own hands. That had been mortifying for him, making that big of a mistake. He can’t even imagine how Jimmy must feel right now, being seen like that. Being seen in what has to be some kind of vulnerable moment, by someone he certainly doesn’t want to be vulnerable with.

He sits there, slumped against the wall for a few minutes; hands running over his face and through his now messy hair. The future Count isn't really sure what to do after…. that . Mainly there are just a lot of things going through Fwhip's head as he sits there. He's pretty flustered, not ever intending to do that, and is sure a fierce blush is currently coating his face. Part of him knows it might be better that he leaves, because Jimmy will very understandably be scared to next confront him. The other part doesn't feel right just leaving. He feels like he needs to apologize. No, Fwhip wants to apologize. He feels bad, which certainly is a new emotion around the young cod.

The castle is still quiet, and it seems their little encounter hadn't disturbed anyone, thank god. Fwhip didn't want their screaming to accidentally out Jimmy to anyone else, for he had already heard some terms the staff used towards the prince. No servants have even begun moving towards the hall yet, and no footsteps can be heard in the distance. The Ocean Empire has rather quiet mornings, as opposed to the Grimlands rather loud and explosive ones. Which is good right now, he supposes. A quiet castle gives you more time to regain your bearings.

There is some shuffling by the door, and the doorknob starts to turn once again. Fwhip, still pretty stricken by the whole ordeal despite his best efforts, looks up in surprise. His suitor doesn't emerge instantly, taking his time to fully leave his bedroom. But when he does, the sight only makes the half dragon feel even more guilty.

Jimmy slowly shuffles out, his bedroom door being shut quietly behind him. Probably not to disturb anyone else in any nearby rooms, if there are any. He's finished changing, now wearing a green tunic. Not a skintight one like merfolk usually wore, but one that was clearly meant for a bigger person. One clearly meant to hide things, Fwhip would now notice. He suspects it isn’t the first time Jimmy has denied his species traditional attire in front of him, and probably won't be the last. The cod's face is red, his eyes puffy, and a weak frown painting his face. Fwhip feels a sinking feeling in his stomach at the thought of Jimmy crying because of him and his dumb mistake.

"Are you okay?" He asks, meeting the others' gaze tentatively. The future Count has no idea if the other is angry at him and, for once, wouldn't blame him if he was.

"I'm fine." Jimmy says, and it is clearly a lie. He's shaking, and leaning on the wall for support. Like he'll collapse and break down if he doesn't do so. It's not hard to believe that he will, either.

"You're shaking, and your eyes are red." Fwhip points out, scanning over the blonde's face. He's been crying his eyes out, that much is clear. So much so that if Lizzie were to walk by, she'd probably punch the future Count on the spot.

"Why do you care?" The cod asks, slumping down next to him. He's even surprised Jimmy wants to sit next to him after that, but he lets it happen anyway. They sit a few inches apart, not enough to touch, but not far enough to feel fully awkward. It's just enough space for the time being.

"Because I'm not stupid. I know what I just did." Fwhip says, feeling a frown stretching onto his face the longer this conversation goes on. He doesn't like the tone the other has, whatever it is. It's upsetting.

Jimmy forces a smile, and lets out a broken sounding laugh. “Well, didn’t want you to see my boobs. But you were gonna one day I guess, since the mar-”

“Don’t.” Fwhip cuts him off, running a hand over his face again. “Please don’t joke about….any of that stuff, okay? Not a good time.” It will come to concern Fwhip slightly, the kind of self hating jokes Jimmy makes about the marriage and himself. Because he'll make more in the future, and the half dragon will have to knock the habit out of him he supposes. “Also, not really our thing.”

“Sorry. Sorry. I know, bad joke. I’m just…a little upset.” The cod mumbles, hanging his head a bit. Not in shame, just lingering embarrassment. Fwhip feels a wrong sort of feeling settling in his stomach, and frowns. “And yeah…that’s not our thing.”

“I know….you’re probably upset.” He says, wholly sincere with Jimmy. Probably for like, the second time ever if he’s being honest. Because he would hate himself if he was anything but sincere under today’s circumstances. They were far too serious for his usual attitude. "Sorry about walking in without knocking or anything…I won’t do it again."

Jimmy takes a moment to respond, the back of his head hitting the wall with a dull thunking sound. "It's fine, really. You were gonna find out eventually. Probably. I just wanted it to be under…different circumstances is all."

Fwhip hums, and wraps his tail around his legs. It had been awkwardly laying on the floor before now, and it was…..strangely comforting to wrap it around himself. Even though he wasn't the one who needed comfort right now. "Sorry about that too."

"Not the worst thing in the world." Jimmy hums, watching his movement. He seems like he's zoning out a little bit, his mind wandering elsewhere. To other things and other trains of thoughts, more troubling ones probably.

"I kinda already knew. Thought I should mention that." Fwhip hums, glancing away to stare at the wall. He doesn't want to see Jimmy’s face when he responds, whatever that response may be.

"Oh?" Is all the cod responds with. He sounds…curious, and only that. Thankfully. Fwhip didn't know if the other would've been angered by that or whatever.

He glances back at Jimmy when he explains it, and is met with a look of slight curiosity. Which is fair, to Jimmy’s credit, he passes very well. Fwhip is just very good at noticing details. “When they told us about the marriage, our parents called you a princess and stuff. And the staff have been too. I just didn't want to assume anything, y'know?"

"Yeah, my mom's probably the reason for that. I didn't take them for… that type of person." The blonde nods, taking the others' explanation into consideration for a moment. The ginger would pay so much money to know what's running through his head right now.

"No, they're not like that." Fwhip confirms, briefly thinking back on his parents. Despite whatever way they might have failed him and his sister before, they had always been nothing but supportive of their children's identities. One of the few good qualities they both shared, if they shared any at all. "I could mention it to them….?"

The offer is said tentatively, but Jimmy looks so incredibly relieved at hearing it. "Please." He says, and Fwhip nods. He cannot help but wonder what hell this boy has been living through for so long, to be so relieved when even the most basic decency is shown to him.

“Sorry about how we left things, when you were forgotten at the manor. By the way.” The half dragon adds, somehow remembering to say sorry for that. Take that , memory issues. “I was just….I was starting to guess and didn’t know how to ask you.”

“It’s okay..” Jimmy says, trying to crack a smile. It's weaker than he would probably like it to be, but it's a start. Fwhip grins back, and neither of them have anything more to say. Not immediately, at least.

“You don’t…have a problem with it do you?” Jimmy nearly whispers the question into the silence. They've been sitting in quiet for a few minutes, and Fwhip had grown content to stare at the Palace's prismarine walls until one of them decided to move again.

Fwhip tilts his head to the side curiously, a little scared of what the other is about to ask. “With what?”

“With me being….with me having girl stuff. And you having to marry that. ” Jimmy spits out some of the words with such venom, that Fwhip is shocked by it. He feels a surprising wave of pity wash over him, for this boy he hates so much, and it's the first time ever he has to stop himself from hugging the young cod.

“No, I don’t. Why the hell would I?” He says, like it is the easiest thing to say. Because it is. To the blonde it's something he never expected to hear.

“Oh…” Jimmy sounds…..so genuinely surprised at his answer. “It’s just…some people would. Some people do. ”

“Those people suck.” His answer is spit out in an instance, full of more passion than he thought was possible. Those people do suck. They suck a lot .

“Yeah.” Jimmy agrees meekly, hesitantly slumping down and resting his head on the half dragon's shoulder. Fwhip lets him do so, not caring that a merfolk is touching him right now. He needs it a lot right now, he figures.

They sit in the silence for a few seconds once more, in the white and blue hallway of the Prisma Palace. Two people who should, and do, hate each other, but aren't really acting like it. They haven't had the energy to act like it for a while, Fwhip thinks, with how shit everything is. How the world constantly throws terrible things at the both of them and expects the boys to just cope . That's what it feels like, anyways.

Maybe it'll be better when they're older.

"You do know you're not the only one of us who's like that, don't you?" Fwhip mumbles, his cheek now resting against the blonde's head. He doesn't know how long they've been in the hallway, but the palace hasn't started its normal routine yet. So he guesses it can't have been too long. Maybe one of the maids or cooks will find them, and ask why in the bloody hell two royals are sitting in a dirty hallway, cuddling.

Jimmy gets a little excited, as told by his tail smacking the wall a few times before he realizes it's moving. "No…?"

"Well, Xornorth’s nonbinary, and Sausage is pretty gender nonconforming.” Fwhip says, trying to remember everyone who's come out so far. He doesn't know all their labels, if some people have any, but he tries his best to get them right. “And Shrub isn't entirely a girl."

"Oh…I didn't know that." Jimmy hums, sounding happier than he had before. The half dragon briefly wonders if, when the thirteen of them are together again, that a labels debrief would make some people feel more included.

"None of us are straight either, I don’t think." Fwhip might’ve not been up to date on all the labels, but he was pretty sure of that fact. That their whole group were all horribly not straight in some way, some more obviously than others.

Jimmy lets out an amused snort at that. "Of course." That's the right phrase for it really, of course . Of course all the royal children are queer as hell. Of course most of their parents suck too. How else would it be with their little group?

"Why're you being so nice to me over this?" The cod adds on after a moment, cautious, and has every right to be so.

Fwhip resists the urge to roll his eyes, and spits out the honest truth. He really wonders if Jimmy thought that lowly of him before, say, maybe twenty to thirty minutes ago. The half dragon wouldn’t be surprised if he did, not after everything. "I don't like you and I think you're annoying as hell, but I'm not cruel ."

"Thanks for that, I guess." Jimmy mumbles, sounding shocked and surprised again. Fwhip hears that tone, he’s heard it too many times today, and truly starts to wish the world would be kinder to this poor fishboy. Sans himself and his very justified hatred, of course.

"Don't thank me for treating you like a human being." The half dragon snorts, and fixes Jimmy with a look . He’s pretty sure the meaning of it goes right over the blonde’s head, too. The utter idiot “And we have that truce, remember? No being assholes ‘till we’re hitched?”

“Yeah…the truce. Almost forgot about that.” Jimmy mumbles, sounding a little thoughtful once again. Maybe he’s been full of thoughts this whole time, and Fwhip’s just shit at noticing. Or he’s running out of words to describe the cod, because they have never interacted like this before. He has a very limited vocabulary when it comes to describing Jimmy. Today he is running out of words he hasn’t used, and also adding new ones. “We’re not good at following it, are we?” Jimmy keeps talking, and Fwhip barely hears him, lost in his own thoughts it seems. He hated how easy that was to do.

(Adding new ones like sad , and mistreated , and stressed , and traumatized and a whole bunch of other words he has no more room for in the half dragon’s never ending whirlwind of a mind.)

“No, but I like to think we’ve gotten better.” He mumbles out a response, taking a few precious seconds to clear his head. They’ve certainly gotten better, or at least more tolerable of each other’s presence, because Fwhip isn’t pinning Jimmy into a wall and holding him hard enough to bruise anymore. They had to have gotten better, because his mental health hasn’t. Both of their have probably gotten worse over the years, actually.

“We have to be. Because they’re all buying it. Every single one of them.” Jimmy says, and it’s the most confident he’s sounded in a while, and will sound all day. He also sounds more than a little scared, and Fwhip can’t help but share the sentiment a bit.

“Good. Good.” He mumbles, and doesn’t want to admit that he feels some of the same fear. They are going along with this whole thing out of fear, it’s the whole reason why they’re even sitting here in the first place. Fear of judgment, of failure of duty, of disappointment. Of what their parents would say. Even if they don’t really talk about it, both of them know that’s what’s happening. Body language always says a lot more than both the boys wish it would.

Jimmy changes the topic back to their earlier, less daunting one. It seems a lot still weighs on his mind, which is to be expected with a situation and life like this. "I want to get…the surgery for it, but, ah.…my mum won't let me.."

"Well, maybe you can get it before the wedding….?" Fwhip threw out the suggestion lightly, and gave a small shrug of his shoulders. Before the wedding was a vague timeframe. Realistically, that could be as soon as they’re both legal adults, or within the next five years. But it was a time frame that they could aim for, and that was better than nothing. And if Jimmy's mom wouldn’t let him get that surgery, than Fwhip would be the one throwing him in front of the healers instead, shitty parents be damned.

He’d really had enough of shitty parents recently.

"Hmph, maybe…" Jimmy mumbles. He hopes the sound in the other’s voice is hope, faux or real. They need some positive emotions right now, he’s already feeling emotionally drained from the guilt and the shame and whatnot. It’s not even seven in the morning, either.

“The truce extends to that too, by the way.” Fwhip adds, nudging the others shoulder with his own. He feels a grin start to bloom on his face. One of his shit-eating ones that always makes Gem groan and Sausage mirror it.

The cod gives him a confused look, his face scrunching up with the feeling. He’s not despondent anymore, so that’s a win for Team Fwhip! Sadly the only win today, but he might get some more as the hours wear on, especially if he keeps this attitude up. “Whaddya mean?”

“That means if someone’s being a transphobe, I get to deck them in the face. Even when we're married.” Fwhip explains, his grin getting larger. He does one of his normal hand gestures as he speaks, like he does with all his other explanations. Jimmy, well accustomed to the half dragon’s quirks, pays it no mind.

“Even my mum?” Jimmy asks, and sounds a little stupid when he does.

Fwhip nods, and feels tension unknot itself and leave the cod’s body from where they’re still pressed together. “Even your mom.”

“Heh, thanks.” Jimmy giggles, eventually having to muffle the laughter with his hand after a few minutes. Aannddd that’s two wins for team Fwhip, all within a minute or so of the last one. He better savor these — and this rare companionship with Jimmy — while the moment allows and before their normal bickering starts up once again.

“Again, don’t thank me.” Fwhip shrugs again, his tail finally uncurling from around himself. He doesn’t need any comforting measures, not immediately anyways. The tense and upset mood from earlier is long gone, now replaced with something lighter, even if both the royal’s hearts are still heavy with a lot of things.

“Force of habit, being polite is.” The cod says, his own tail swishing dully against the floor. It’s good to see he’s cheered up, and not crying anymore. And also not having to think about all the terrible treatment he receives. It’s good.

“So I’ve noticed.” Fwhip snorts, watching as the other starts to stand up. Jimmy gives all his limbs a stretch, since they’re still probably stiff from the night’s rest, and then holds a hand down to the other boy. The half dragon takes it without any complaint, or grumbles under his breath about having to touch a fish. Jimmy just helps him up, and it's probably the most simple yet complex interaction they’ve ever had. To date, anyways.

The Prince then starts to move down the hallway, past his door to where Fwhip thinks the dining hall is. The dining hall and a million other passageways and rooms he can’t remember. Dumb castles and their dumb, beautiful architecture. “Let’s go get breakfast, or something.”

“And where are we going after that?” The ginger follows behind, already mentally preparing himself for another six or more hours of helping the dumb cod people out. Him and Jimmy might be cool for today, but that doesn’t mean he suddenly likes all that mud and grime the swamp carries. Jimmy hums, sounding a little cheeky, and like he has his own shit-eating grin now smeared across his face. “Well, mom never said we had to be in the Cod Empire today. I was just scheduled there for three days this week…”

“So we’re getting a free day?” Fwhip thinks everything about him visibly lights up, from his voice to his demeanor. The mere thought of a free day, of finally being able to hide in his guest room, or the castle’s library, or wherever this dumb kingdom invented stuff, was enough to make his tail wag slightly. Anything, literally anything , but the horrible swamps and gross water again was going to make him beam.

“Basically, yeah.” Jimmy confirms, turning a corner without even thinking. Fwhip envy's everyone who has the dumb Palace mapped out already, and doesn’t struggle getting around. So he basically envies everyone who lives there.

“Finally, time away from you.” The ginger huffs, gloved hands being shoved in his coat pockets. He tries to commit the winding corridors to memory again, and hopes it goes a little better this time.

“Finally.” Jimmy agrees, right as they reach the dining hall for breakfast. Either they walked really fast for some reason, or Fwhip’s memory of the place truly is horrible. He never thought it was that close to the bedrooms. But hey, they’re not serving fried salmon for breakfast again today, so as long as that keeps happening, he won’t complain about the proximity to food. Especially if a free day follows after it. He rarely ever gets free days, here or at home There’s always something, some project or dumb responsibility thing, to do. But now he’s finally getting one after what has to be months , maybe even years.

Maybe his stay in the Ocean won’t be so bad after all.

[thebirdandthebee]

Easy As

A Carmen Berzatto Universe

This is another request from my inbox - feel free to message in requests for these two!

Vanessa Monaghan is the breath of fresh air that Carmen had been gasping for.

Page 11: Tasting

“A tasting?” Vanessa quirked an eyebrow as she leaned back in her work chair, legs crossing over one another.

“Yeah, it’s gonna be small, private,” Carmen said, knee bouncing in his office. “I know it’s late, but I thought it was worth a shot.”

Vanessa glanced at her calendar for the day. She could move her 5 p.m. to next week, giving her enough time to stop home and freshen up a bit before heading to River North.

“I’ll be there,” she smiled into the receiver.

“Really?” Carmen’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline. “I mean, great! Yeah, I’m glad you can come – come hungry,” he insisted.

“Starving, I missed lunch today and I’ve been in meetings all afternoon,” she groaned, making Carmen frown. “Wait – isn’t it better to not be hungry? What if I’m biased because I’m hungry?” She asked, causing Carmen to laugh.

“Everything’s going to be good anyway,” he shrugged. “Cocky!” She giggled, her coworker giving her a knowing look as she passed by Vanessa’s mostly glass office.

“Confident,” Carmen countered.

“I’ll see you at 6, Carm,” she smiled.

“See ya then,” he replied, waiting a beat before hanging up. He couldn’t believe she was coming. It was their first tasting of the week – later they’d have media in house testing out he and Syd’s new menu. Reviews would be coming out in the Sunday paper and he was certain they’d be five stars across the board. But now, they got to do something for friends and family.

It was almost distracting how excited he was to see Vanessa. They’d been able to find time to get together once a week since their meeting at the grocery store about four months ago. Besides the restaurant, she’d be come the most consistent part of his life and he was already falling deep for her.

She was smart, beautiful, caring, funny… he could have gone on and on. He just didn’t realize what she saw in him.

His team had noticed, too. He was a little lighter in his shoes, his words delivered more carefully, smiling more abundantly.

“Is Vanessa coming?” Sydney asked the moment he stepped out of the office. He noticed that T and Ebrahim paused their ministrations nearby.

“Hm?” He pretended not to hear her.

“Is she coming or what?” Richie asked loudly, causing Carmen to roll his head across his shoulders.

“Yeah, yeah, she’s coming okay? Everyone act as normal as you possibly can!” He shouted, drawing a few shouts and one thrown dishtowel. “Don’t make it weird!” He called out.

The afternoon passed by in a blur. Everyone was excited for their families to join and thus, time went by quickly. Carmen ducked into the office at a quarter to six, washing off his face with a wet cloth, running his fingers through his hair and popping in three Altoids.

From: Vanessa

I’m on foot!

He ducked out of the front of house where Sydney was putting final touches on plates, a few guests already milling about and intercepted the brunette just as she came around the corner.

“Hi!” She smiled breathlessly. There was a real chill in the early November air and her nose was tinged just barely pink. “Where’s your jacket?” She asked, taking him in with his white T-shirt and blue apron.

“It’s warm in there,” he offered as she slid her arms around his middle.

“Well if the food is as good as you smell, I’m sold,” she smiled, a thin layer of pink gloss on her lips. He closed the distance between them, a little keyed up with excitement for the night and seeing her.

Her arms gravitated from around Carmen’s waist to his neck as she deepened the kiss. He shuddered as she played with the small hairs at the nape of his neck.

“Minty,” she laughed, pecking his lip softly.

“Wait, just a lil’ more,” he chased her mouth, walking her slowly backwards until she was pressed against the brick of the alleyway.

“Carm,” she warned. “I don’t wanna meet all your friends with wet panties,” she finished. Carmen groaned, pressing his nose into her neck. “But you can take them off of me after dinner tonight,” she offered, “if you wanted to come have a sleepover.”

Carmen was equally as excited about sleeping over as he was about taking the train with her up to her place. Sitting next to her on the El and showing everyone else in the car what a beautiful girl he had.

“I’m in,” he pecked her once more. “Okay, please just don’t take anything Richie says seriously,” he said, lacing his fingers through hers. “You can only trust T and Syd, and even then, a grain of salt is warranted,” he finished.

She shook her head, squeezing his bicep with her free hand before he could open the door for her.

They had staged a small coats area and he helped her out of hers, unveiling a black knit sweater dress and her tan legs, which were tucked into a pair of black knee-high boots. She wore a crisp white oxford shirt underneath her dress, which would otherwise show deep cleavage, but her figure spoke for itself. Carmen wanted to chew on the silver jewelry that adorned her ears and wrists.

“You look amazing,” he said quietly, giving her a chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks, Carm,” she gave his hand, tucked between the two of them a little squeeze.

They were too new to be hot and heavy in front of other people, and frankly, she wasn’t a huge PDA person (unless it’s in the back alley of a River North restaurant apparently).

“Vanessa!” Her head turned to be greeted by who should could only guess was Sydney. Not waiting for Carmen, the two quickly embraced in a hug.

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Vanessa smiled, holding on to Syd’s shoulders. “Carmen talks about you all the time, he thinks the world of you,” Vanessa gushed.

Sydney laughed, waving her hand. It seemed Vanessa had a certain effect on everyone. She didn’t even need Carmen to introduce her around, she was working the room just as fine on her own and it made him all the more proud that she was there with him.

That was, until it came to Richie.

“Now,” the taller man began, leaning against the service counter. “What are your intentions with my Carmen?” He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Richie, come off it,” Carmen shook his head, but a small quirk at his lips as he leaned against an empty table.

“Pure as the driven snow,” Vanessa replied with a grin, a drink having appeared in her hands about 10 minutes earlier.

“I gotta be careful with my cousin, Miss Monaghan, you already got him all loved up, head in the clouds, mixing up his facts ‘n figures, the man’s feet aren’t touching the ground,” he rattled off, gesturing with his hands. “I gotta scrape this boy up off the sidewalk at the end of the day,” he shook his head.

“Carm’s a big boy,” she winked, not giving away that he had just slid his hand over the swell of her ass from behind her. But he wasn’t quick enough for Richie.

“Hey, hey, hey!” He jeered, looping an arm around Vanessa’s shoulders and pulling her into his side. “You gotta treat a lady with respect, Carmen Silvio,” he scolded. “What are your intentions with my Vanessa?”

It wasn’t long until Vanessa was on her third plate of food, having devoured everything in front of her as it appeared. She didn’t mind sitting beside Syd’s dad, James, chatting with him intermittently about what was coming out of the kitchen.

“This is the best one,” Vanessa insisted, whispering conspiratorially with James.

“What was that?” Carmen asked, appearing seemingly out of thin air. Vanessa looked over at him with big eyes.

“Nothing!” She smiled, setting her fork down.

“You said that one was the best one?” He asked, stepping closer to her table, pointing down at the dish that was one of Sydney’s creations.

“I don’t think I did? Did you hear that?” She looked over at James, whose mouth was still full.

“I didn’t hear it,” he shook his head.

“The lady said mine was her favorite,” Sydney said, appearing behind Carmen. Vanessa looked up at the two, blinking like a baby owl as she slowly brought another bite up to her mouth.

“It’s really good,” she confessed. Carmen threw his hands up before heading back to the kitchen, making Sydney laugh.

“This one’s mine,” she admitted, making Vanessa smile.

“You must be so proud,” she looked at James, who was – Sydney had to keep from dancing back to the kitchen.

“I love her,” she said to Carmen, who was wiping down the edges of his next plate. “Don’t screw it up,” she warned. He could feel that was the general consensus of the evening.

Two hours later, the kitchen was clean, the guests had all parted, and all that remained was Carmen and Vanessa.

He held her hand as they sat on the train together and she relayed all of her thoughts from dinner. He could listen to her read the phonebook and he’d still be enthralled.

“And Marcus’ dessert?” She asked, looking up at the sky. They walked together, hand in hand, the four blocks to her apartment from the stop at Fullerton. “I’m going to be thinking about it all week,” she sighed.

“It’s a good thing I’m not insecure,” he teased half-heartedly. She stopped on the sidewalk, giving his hand a little tug to stop him as well, before looping her arms atop his shoulders.

“Carmy, the whole night was amazing,” she reassured. “You and your team are so talented, all of the food was incredible,” she added. “But I was most taken aback by how much they love and respect you,” she placed her hand on his jaw. “The control and precision and attention to detail you have, all while commanding the whole kitchen? I’m in awe of you,” she finished.

She didn’t have time to blink before he was on her, kissing her like the day would end right in the middle of the sidewalk.

A lone wolf-whistle across the street drew them apart.

I fucking love you. Carmen thought.

“But yes, Syd’s dish was my favorite.”

[theawkwardterrier]

(might not be our time yet) that doesn’t mean I ever love you any less

A Steggy Secret Santa gift for @bearholdingashark! I tried to get in a potpourri of your requested tropes - hope you enjoy, and have a very happy holiday and/or end of 2022, and a great year ahead. 😁✨🎁

Summary: Five times Steve and Peggy almost asked each other out, and one time they actually did.

AO3 link here.

i.

They have precisely thirty-six hours leave in London, and Steve knows that he could be spending it somewhere other than this.

The rest of the Commandos are either out on the town — he'd heard bids being tossed around the departing group for a variety of pubs and dance halls, not to mention the USO — or enjoying a hot shower, clean clothes, as good a meal as can be managed on rations, and a long sleep, all well-deserved after several unrelenting weeks in the field. Steve had managed to get out of the first option by reminding them that he needs to give Phillips the latest, but that's finished now, and more than a little part of him would actually like to be getting on to the second (just because his body can put up with the strain of it all, and better than most, doesn't mean that he actually enjoys it) but still he doesn't leave HQ.

His excuses — checking for any mail, finding someone to talk about requisitioning new socks and underthings to take with them when they leave because the fellas deserve it — are wearing thin even to his mind when he hears her voice.

"—so type that one first, then have it delivered to Stark for him to take a look at as soon as possible. And don't simply let his eyes wander over it, Private. Actually make him read it."

Steve grins and turns around.

She is bent over, marking something in a file, her back to him as he comes over.

"I don't know how you expect that poor kid to make Howard do anything. The guy might listen to you, but he isn't scared of anyone else that way, not even the commanders."

Peggy makes one last note before setting down her pencil, but he can see her awareness of his presence in the set of her shoulders. When she turns around, she has one eyebrow raised, her lipstick-perfect mouth neutral, but there is a smile touching her eyes.

"Howard's afraid of me, then? In that case, I suppose I shall have to hope that the private uses that to his advantage."

Steve shrugs slightly, but can't help the grin flashing around his own mouth. "Well, he's at least intimidated, though that might have something of a different connotation for Howard."

"Doesn't everything for that man?" she says dryly, and he wonders if most people would be able to hear the reluctant affection beneath the words; he wonders if the him of a few months ago would have, before he spent time with her, before he had a chance to understand so many of her different tones and have all sorts of stories, stored up moments of observing the way she was with Howard and with Phillips and with Steve himself.

He realizes that he's been silent for a beat too long, so he clears his throat and says gamely, "At least I've started picking up on that — less of a risk for...misunderstandings."

"Well, we wouldn't want any of those," she says, and actually laughs. The sound flows through Steve's backbone and has him laughing in return.

Their eyes catch and, while the moment doesn't fade, he feels the humor between them soften.

"I heard that your mission was a success," Peggy says, leaning a hip against the desk beside her, eyes still looking up at his. "I'm quite glad to hear it, Captain."

Steve nods, trying to keep his voice level so she doesn't guess that he's had the sudden, snatching urge to take her hand. "Everyone made it back okay. Maybe would have been a couple fewer close calls if you'd been out there with us this time, but you've got things to do, and we didn't do too badly considering."

With gentle contradiction, she says, "I dropped in on Phillips after my meeting to find out whether you—to see if your after-action report had been filed. I think you did a bit better than not too badly." Before he can protest, she adds, "I wouldn't have minded a chance to be out in the field again myself — one might think that considering my skills, I'd be assigned there more often, but I suppose being relied upon for my mind and my strategic abilities is no insult. Still, either way, you not only located and eliminated the Hydra base, you made several new contacts, and if I'm correctly reading between your carefully worded lines, managed to save Dugan from himself yet again," and he feels the compliment settle across his shoulders.

"Well, everyone made it back okay," he repeats softly. The warm weight of her words is still upon him, and perhaps that is what has him opening his suddenly dry mouth to say, "We’re here until early Thursday, you know. I am. I don't know if you're done for the night, but—”

"Carter!"

It's late enough that the stricter secretaries have gone home, or else one of them would surely snap at even the famous Howard Stark for his complete lack of decorum as he shouts and shoves his way into the main room of the bunker.

"I could kiss you for this, Carter — and I will if you're up for it — but I guess that can wait. First I need you to come over to the lab with me to talk through the findings. Your private's already putting a pot of coffee on so we can have a night of it." He brandishes the sheaf of paper in his hand triumphantly. "Thank God the kid dropped your name when he did, or I might not have even read this damn thing."

Peggy snorts lightly. "How very flattering, Howard. To be truthful, I had nearly thought I was free for the night, but if you go back to the lab, I suppose I'll join you shortly."

"Well, don't take too long waiting around. I don't know how long history can wait." But Howard sounds more gleeful than annoyed as he turns again, examining whatever documents Peggy had sent over for him as he returns toward the door once again, taking one last opportunity to give a half-distracted, "Nice to have you back, Rogers!" before he disappears down the hall.

Peggy turns back to Steve, shaking her head slightly. "The man certainly does know how to interrupt things in his favor. What was it that you were going to say?"

But Steve only shakes his head. "That's okay. Sounds like there's history to be made, and you're the one to do it. I'll talk to you about it another time."

Studying him for a long moment, she says slowly, "I suppose I am. If you're certain...." At his nod, she closes the file on the desk with one hand, still watching him, and holds it at her side. Finally, she turns toward the door too. Just before she goes through it, she adds, "I do hope we have a chance to see each other again before your leave is up."

She's gone before he has a chance to let the words whisper out of him: "So do I, Peg."

But they don't.

ii.

It was not common knowledge how long Peggy Carter had spent with Dr. Erskine.

She got the credit for extracting him, of course, at least from those interested in offering her even the most basic, begrudging acknowledgment of it. But few knew that she had spent time in his laboratory afterward, that they appreciated each other’s senses of humor and would take turns bringing food that reminded them of home. Later, she and Steve would speak of him with the fond remembrance of too-brief acquaintance that they had both wished had been longer.

It had been just long enough, however, for him to ask — quietly, illicitly, with the guidance of his own moral compass — if she would be willing to test the first batch of the serum he had been brought over to work on.

It truly had been the first batch, and he hadn’t yet realized the importance of the vita-rays. But although she might have had a sense, the vaguest inkling about her reflexes or strength or healing, not even Peggy knew for certain what her time in that lab had gained her: not during the war or her missions in the field, not during the storming of the Hydra headquarters, not as she followed Steve onto the Valkyrie, the energy of the Tesseract still swimming in the air.

They are both still awake after the radio cuts out, after they have said the goodbyes that they can to Howard and Phillips and the Commandos. Peggy looks over at Steve’s tight jaw, at the way that his hair has fallen over his forehead; she remembers how young he is, how young they both are, even if they’ve never gotten a chance to feel it. She wants to forget that they’ll never have the chance now.

They’re already close to each other, positioned together by the controls at the front of the diving plane. After all this time of reminding herself why she can’t, it turns out to be a simple thing to reach over and take his hand.

“What would you say,” she starts, making an effort to keep her voice level, to sound calm and nonchalant even as she has to speak over the wind. “What would you say if I asked you to meet me at the Stork Club, a week next Saturday?”

He laughs a little, although she can feel the clench of his fingers around hers, can see the way he is gripping something small and round in his other fist. “I’d say they’ll need to play something slow. I still haven’t gotten a chance to practice my dancing, and I’d hate to step on your toes.”

“I wouldn’t care.” She swallows, trying to pretend that her voice had not wavered. “I’d take every dance even so.”

“Even if I was late? I’d want to buy you flowers, but I’d be so nervous I’d forget until the last minute and have to go back.”

She smiles at that, the details he is adding to the fantasy beginning to spin it out into something real. “Well, you might be due a tongue-lashing when you finally arrived, but you remembered my favorite flowers were irises, so I suppose I can forgive you.”

And you were there. We were there together, she thinks, squeezing his hand.

“Irises. Of course.” For a moment she has the urge to laugh: it sounds as if he is taking notes, as if this is information he will need to access and act on in the future rather than the two of them pretending in these last moments. “And I’ll have made a dinner reservation at Le Pavillon for after because I heard you and Dernier talking about your favorite French dishes often enough, but we’ll have been dancing so long that we missed it.”

“I hope that my toes can hold up for such a thing, but I guessed that we’d be late — it’s quite the pattern of yours. And I’d remind you then that I’m perfectly happy without anything formal, so we’d find our way back to Brooklyn, to some little place that you knew.”

“We’d talk and eat, and stay so long that they’d be mopping up the tables around us.” It is getting harder to hear him, the pressure immense in her ears. It must be getting harder for him to speak, but he continues anyway. “But we wouldn’t be ready for the night to end.”

Her heart is beating too fast despite her attempts at lightness and calm as she picks up the story again. “So we’d just walk together until sunrise.”

“And we’d know that we were going to have other nights just like that one, and plenty of hard times and boring ones too, but that we’d make it through it all together.”

She smiles then, and so does he, and she wonders how much they are smiling to comfort each other and how much is the true happiness brought on by the comfort they have brought each other in imagining that other life.

“Yes,” she says. “Together.”

And the plane hits the water, and they go under together, too.

iii.

Even after months, there are some days where Steve doesn’t let himself think about all that he left behind: the Commandos and the rest of their lives, the chance to mourn Bucky after the war beside those who loved him, his own sense of stability and understanding of the world around him. He thinks that he’s adapted relatively well, and yet there are still times when the memories will wrap themselves around him, or he’ll realize all over again how very different everything is, how out of place he’s found himself among it all.

He doesn’t even want to think about how much worse it would have been without Peggy there beside him, understanding both the strangeness and his frame of reference, understanding him. He hopes that he’s done the same for her, the only other shipwrecked survivor on this island where they will, it seems, have to live out their lives.

And that’s exactly why, in the time they’ve been in the future, he hasn’t acted on the instincts that he’s already been suppressing for years now. He thought that she might have felt the way that he did — they’d gone down together dreaming a future between them, after all — but he can’t be certain if it was just comfort she was giving him, or being embroiled in the moment, or needing distraction, if whatever spark she might have felt has been extinguished beneath the pressure of these last months. Bucky’s voice might be in the back of his mind (Just talk to her, you punk. You’ve got a brain and a voice, so use ‘em!) but his best friend wouldn’t understand how it is between them, how impossible it seems to try to test everything when it is so very possible that simply asking the question might ruin things, might leave them each alone when they need each other more than anything, more than ever.

But for each saucy, side-mouthed remark that she directs at him before turning back to make easy, considered improvements to whatever mission plan they’ve been assigned, each time she interrupts whatever Tony is saying with merely a raised eyebrow and a small “hmm,” or neatly flays some television personality so that all that remains is the most strained smirk, each sparring session that they engage in or diner meal that they have together…each minute that they simply spend together, the harder it is for him to recall the significance of his old reasoning. And as the two of them settle in further, finding a level of confidence both in this time and among the Avengers, even that reasoning seems thinner. They are no longer so fragile here. They have other things and people they can rely on if needed. If he asked and she said no, would it truly break either of them?

There is nothing special about the day he decides to try. He returns from assignment and asks JARVIS whether Peggy is in the Tower and realizes that it is always the first thing he asks when they’ve been apart.

As he approaches the lounge area that she likes best, he doesn’t even know exactly what words he is going to use — not the most advisable plan, considering, but he recognizes that if he thinks too much, he’ll backtrack on the decision, and now that he’s made it, he doesn’t want to do that. She’s forgiven him for plenty of verbal missteps, and he thinks she’ll forgive him this one too (not to mention that if she turns him down, a little fumbling over his words won’t be what either of them remembers).

Her back is to him as he enters the room where she’s sitting curled on one of the cushy couches, so he clears his throat, but can’t bring himself to start in with anything further. Trying not to wince at the impoliteness of not starting with at least a little small talk, a better transition, he takes a breath and says, “I—I had a question for you, Peg.”

She turns then, looking up at him just as he’s coming around the couch toward her, and he can tell immediately that she’s been crying.

The signs are so small — a touch of smeared makeup, a bit of dampness at the edges of her eyelashes, a very slight disturbance to her breathing — that he isn’t sure that anyone but he or maybe Natasha would notice them. He sits down beside her and takes her hand without thinking about it.

“Monty’s daughter passed,” she says quietly. “His granddaughter called to tell me, which was terribly kind. It just happened, and it’s late there.”

Steve has the strange, vertiginous feeling that he’s becoming at least slightly accustomed to. He knows in his mind that Jacqueline Falsworth was in her late seventies. He and Peggy have seen her face, have spoken to her via video call, the way they did with all their friends’ family members they could find. And yet his mind also resists the idea that she is anything but the bushy-haired, brightly smiling schoolgirl from the picture Monty used to keep on him. Steve had once sent her an old Star Spangled Show program that he’d signed because she’d made some comment in her letters about missing the Captain America film shorts. Dum-Dum used to refer to her as the littlest J, teasing Monty that he’d practically named his child after himself but at least it would help her fit in with the group when they all met after the war.

There isn’t need for any further explanation for why it has struck Peggy, armored and indomitable, the way that it has. He can feel the idea of it sinking into him too: that even these tenuous connections to their old life, the life that they might have had, are breaking around them, and that he does not know whether they can build the new ones fast and strong enough to hold them.

He holds her instead, putting his arm around her in silence, and they sit there for a long while. When they finally get up, the room grown dark and the two of them slightly stiff, she inquires, voice a bit hoarse, what he had wanted to ask her. He shakes his head and tells her that it isn’t the time just now, that it can wait.

He’s already waited this long, after all, and despite all the ways he feels ready, he doesn’t know that they are, yet.

iv.

Staying in the Tower made sense at the beginning, but after a while, when they both decide around six months in that they’re ready for a change, it only makes sense to search at the same time and even to combine their efforts a bit. And, when they actually take in the price of real estate and both find their sensibilities offended by the idea of paying so much, it only makes sense to begin searching for someplace together.

(They also add housing inequality as an issue to bring up next time they speak to the press. Neither of them asked for a platform, but they certainly use it now that it's there.)

Luckily, those same sensibilities mean that they're each perfectly fine with the small bedrooms boasted by their eventual apartment. After tenements and dormitories and temporary shelters, bedsits and barracks and battlefield tents, their place actually feels like something of a luxury. Besides, they have a decently sized living area, which is where they spend most of their time when they're home, talking through the day, bickering over what to watch on television, and sharing takeout food (which Peggy considers one of the great benefits of this century.) They aren't, however, exactly home often.

Not every mission requires both of them, or even one, but they're called away on SHIELD business with a fair amount of frequency. Still, Peggy finds even that is improved by their living together; there is something nice about having Steve call from his room to hers that he's packing the upgraded earbuds Tony made for both of them, or in coming home to find that the coffee maker is already on with her favorite mug beside it and there's a note from Steve saying he's gone to pick up fresh bagels because he'd heard she was on her way back and thought that she might want to talk.

She considers, more and more often these days, asking him if he might want to be something more than friends and roommates and fellow-travelers, if he might consider becoming the sort of partners she had once thought they would. The reasons that they have held off until now are clear to her, and yet she thinks perhaps they are finally ready for it, the idea settling into her mind, hopeful during the times that they are together and yearning during those that they are apart.

Their mission tonight involves the STRIKE team, never Peggy's favorite. There's something about them, even beyond the fact that they always seem more willing to listen to Steve than to her, that has her radar tingling, but she's never quite been able to pinpoint what or catch them at anything. Regardless, they accept the plan of action that she and Steve lay out readily enough, and she steps away to inspect her weapon once more, the rushing sound of wind and speed filling the cabin as Steve and Natasha chat through their final checks behind her.

"You know, if you ask Kristen out, from Statistics, she'd probably say yes," Nat says casually, and Peggy very carefully continues focusing on her ammunition.

"That's why I don't ask," Steve replies, and there is that slightly insolent tone she's familiar with: not cocky in the sense of arrogance, but just that little bit of couldn't call my ride and thank you, sir and the hell I can't — I'm a captain! cheekiness that she knows so well. It has her smiling.

Natasha is familiar enough with it at this point as well, bantering back, "Too shy, or too scared?"

Peggy can't quite identify what it is — the extra beat he takes to respond, perhaps, or a shift in his footing — but there is a very subtle change to him, even before he speaks, his tone more serious. (She would say more honest, but Steve always is.)

"I'm not looking to be fixed up right now. A relationship...Well, I'm not exactly hoping for a Kristen." She knows that Natasha is looking at him, likely giving that sharp-eyed, assessing stare of hers, but Peggy can't bring herself to turn, not even as Steve pulls that smart-mouthed spirit back over himself and adds, "Besides, what I really am is too busy," not even as he hurls himself out of the jet, likely without a parachute. She needs the extra moment to keep herself blank before allowing Nat to turn that gaze on her in turn.

She is lucky that she has the mission to distract herself for the next several hours. As they return home, however, she leans against a bulkhead with her eyes closed, and although she can pretend to sleep, she cannot pretend away the disappointment which layers within her. He isn't ready or seeking to be with someone, and she respects that, but she has waited so long and she had hoped...

Still, she will have him on the sofa beside her discussing modern animation techniques, or whichever Agatha Christie she's been catching up on most recently and which he'd stolen from the end table, or whether they're meant to get an anniversary gift for Tony and Pepper. She will have him calling to her as he comes in from after a run, and trading unprompted raised-eyebrow glances during Avengers meetings, and at the midnight quiet kitchen table while they sip quietly from their cups of tea and don't have to pretend away to each other the nightmares of cold and war and lost things.

She does not have him the way that she wishes that she could, but she does have him, she has their home and all that they share together, and that will be enough.

And yet she still hopes it only needs to be enough for now rather than forever.

v.

The trouble with being in love with Peggy Carter, Steve continues to find, is that she can be frustratingly opaque. He's known her in two centuries at this point, thinks he is more familiar with her than practically anyone else here and now. And yet there are those moments, the ones that loop behind his eyelids at night, the ones he is certain must be obvious to anyone looking, but which she never mentions or pursues, and he cannot figure out why.

Sometimes it is a small thing: the two of them on their couch, laughing over something or quiet and simply together. She will touch his arm or tuck her cold feet against his warmth, and their eyes will catch, something settling over them, a peaceful intensity, the fact that they are alone ever more obvious. Sometimes it is increasingly evident: planning and strategizing more on instinct than anything said, or unerringly seeking each other out after the latest battle or catastrophe as the others watch, relief masked beneath traded banter.

As the moments stack up, more days with them than without, he knows that he cannot be imagining them. But she seems to break their gaze first, letting that sharing slide away, and so he takes the cue from her, much as he'd like to move forward to something new for them, something more, something he's thought was promised or inevitable for so long.

He begins to wonder if he was mistaken all this time, if he misread or exaggerated things that he thought were understood between them. He begins to wonder whether he could have been wrong about all of it.

Or maybe she's changed her mind.

This idea isn't impossible — she has always felt almost laughably out of his league, after all, and they've been through so much since they first met. Whatever she had once felt suited her about him might be gone, or she might need something different, might have found something — someone — that appeals more to her. But he understands too why a person as forthright and in control as Peggy might avoid saying anything: she doesn't want to hurt him, doesn't want to take the chance of disturbing the dynamics of friendship and cohabitation and team.

He wants her to be happy, even if it isn't with him. But he still can't help but be grateful that he'll have even this bit of her for at least a while longer.

The urge he has to talk to Bucky about all of this is different these days, no longer quite so scabbed over or distant now that they know he's alive and out there and coming back to himself, but also nothing that Steve can act on. Still, he has the inkling that if they could talk about it, his best friend would just end up telling Steve that he's always made simple things complicated, and the way he feels for Peggy Carter is pretty simple when it comes down to it so maybe he should just give in and ask her to see a movie, regardless of whether it means disrupting the balance of what they have now.

(He imagines reminding Buck that you can watch pretty much anything from home these days, pictures that eye roll in response. Bucky would probably be the type to still go to the theater.)

But it is more complicated than that, at least for Steve. Because he values his and Peggy’s time together, however it comes. Because she is the only one who understands, and he doesn’t know how he would have managed if he had woken up here alone.

Because he loves her, and wants the them of it for as long as he can.

So he focuses on enjoying each morning of running side by side (Sam setting his own pace as he remarks dryly that he’s glad that they have each other because no one else could keep up) and getting breakfast at their new favorite bagel place, each day of working together to keep the world safer, each night of taking Mr. Cavendish to the grocery store because his son who usually does it broke his leg or helping to host superhero-themed pajama storytime at the local library (and even returning later by popular demand and just because they’d enjoyed the children’s bright excitement). He takes it all in, and reminds himself that if he ever thinks of more, it does not mean that he is unhappy with what he has, what they have together.

Despite all that is involved in helping to trying to root out and crush Hydra for good (not to mention the business of organizing the Avengers so that the ordinary crises they’re meant to handle are still covered even without the structure and support of SHIELD) they do get a good bit of time when it is just the two of them, ordering takeout and spending the evening together in their apartment.

Tonight it is burgers and fries and Meet Me in St. Louis — it had come out before they went into the ice, but they hadn’t had a chance to see it.

“She really is—was terribly charming,” Peggy comments, reaching over absently to take one of his fries, although he can see that she still has a few of her own left. Steve doesn’t comment on it, only finds his mouth turning up at the corner as he nudges the biggest one toward where she’s reaching before he turns back to the screen.

“It’s a shame what happened to her,” he agrees, watching Judy Garland’s Esther shift from moving ever so carefully about the room in her corset to rushing out to meet John Truett at the door. Another thing they missed, another thing they wouldn’t have been able to prevent even had they been there. “I remember going to the American Theater to see The Wizard of Oz, how her voice filled up the place and you just wanted her to get home.”

She makes a small sound of agreement. “I saw it shortly after it was released in London — January 1940. Everything outside was so tense then. I didn’t transfer to Bletchley until the next month, so I was bored daily by office work while at the same time being completely overwhelmed by knowing everything that was going on that I couldn’t do a thing about. But for a few hours, I just suspended my disbelief and allowed myself to be there instead of where I was.”

He starts to respond, but she adjusts herself in her seat and ends up three inches further in his direction, near enough that he can feel the skin-close warmth of her, and even though it isn’t a new sensation anymore, he still has to catch his breath and try to remember what they were talking about. Glancing at the television, he snatches up a cue from the conversation playing out there.

“Speaking of suspending disbelief, it’s hard to imagine that this guy would spend the whole picture trying for a chance with her and then let things fall apart over a tux and a basketball game run too long.” He’s been in the twenty-first century for long enough to know that everyone calls them movies now, and he usually does too, but it isn’t awkward if some of his more natural vocabulary slips into conversation when it’s just him and Peggy.

“I suppose you’d never disappoint a woman like that?” she asks, and even though he knows that she’s only teasing him, that it must be a gently amused reference to that first conversation of theirs (I think this is the longest conversation I've had with one) he answers seriously, unable to stop himself.

He keeps his gaze focused on the screen where Esther is crying theatrically into her pillow, although he barely registers the scene. “If I was lucky enough to get that sort of chance,” he says slowly, “I’d be looking forward to it too much to get distracted by games, and I wouldn’t let anything else stop me either.”

He turns to look at her then, and finds that she is already watching him. Their eyes meet first, holding, and he feels between them not just the lightly traded flirtation of those past shared glances, but the weight of his love for her, all that they have been through beside each other then and now, the perfect understanding and utter confusion and the waiting and the hope…

They’re going to have to look up how to remove grease stains without damaging the couch, because the fries scatter as the two of them move toward each other, but he doesn’t pay that more than the vaguest attention. He knows that this isn’t exactly the way to treat a lady, especially one who’s his teammate and roommate and friend, and he promises to actually take her out sometime soon, but in this moment, there is Peggy’s mouth moving perfectly against his, her hands warm and sure on his shoulders, and his thoughts are half Finally and half More.

He is in the midst of trying to figure out how exactly to get to the more — Peggy seems to have some idea, and he’ll happily follow her lead — when he begins to register a noise in the room beyond the movie still playing on the television or the low, contented sound that Peggy is making in her throat. It persists for long enough that he forces his mind to whatever level of attention he can muster, trying to identify what it is.

Peggy has noticed it as well, pulling away just far enough to catch her breath and say, “I think it’s your phone.”

For a moment, he can’t quite identify or remember what she is talking about. Then he reaches into his pocket and finds his cell phone, still cheerfully piping out something about “a little bit of Monica.” (Tony has a habit of swapping his ringtone around, and although Steve has definitely gotten better with technology, the process of switching it back somehow still always eludes him.)

Then Peggy’s phone is ringing too, a standard little chime, and they both look at each other and know that they don’t have time for more now.

As they ready themselves to meet Natasha in the car already idling on the street, as they strategize in the Quinjet and deal another blow to Hydra alongside their friends, there is barely a moment to think about what has happened. But as they head back, everything calm and victorious, Peggy begins to keep her careful distance from him, only giving him the occasional assessing glance.

It was a mistake to her, he suddenly understands, and the horror of that, the exact thing he’d feared, drains everything from him.

All those years of feeling but ignoring his own pain, of clenching his jaw and moving forward anyway…they must have been preparing him for just this.

He keeps his distance right back.

+1

The trouble with being in love with Steve Rogers is that he is good at concealing his emotions most of the time, but it works far less well around people who know him and he is a terrible liar in any case.

More specifically, the trouble is being in love with Steve Rogers, having kissed him and wanted to continue doing so while also realizing that he likely needed time and space and, considering the speed and amount of space he’d put between them afterward, it seems that she was right.

And she can swallow down her own disappointment and try to regain at least some of what they’d once had, but Steve is being so terribly awkward about it.

By unspoken mutual agreement, they spend less time alone together in their flat, instead busying themselves with work or taking turns volunteering for missions where they aren’t strictly necessary. Even when they do manage to sit together for breakfast or to relax in the evenings, there is something so very stilted about it all, the ease they’d had with each other, the comfort that gave, lost to them now.

This was exactly what she had worried would happen. Her imagination hadn’t told her, however, how very much it would hurt.

She accepts that she is going to need some time to move, if not beyond this, then at least somewhere further through. And so, when she stays at her desk much longer than she needs to instead of going downstairs to attend the Christmas party that Tony had insisted on throwing for the team, she does not make excuses even in her own mind, only issues mental congratulations once she’s finally forced herself out the door.

The lift lets her out near the lounge; already she can smell a variety of foods, all likely tremendously expensive recreations of holiday classics. Her light, nearly silent footsteps are covered by the chatter and the low background of cheerful music coming from the lit space, even as she gets closer.

Just as she is about to step through the doorway and greet everyone, she hears Thor’s voice, boisterous with what she assumes is an early indulgence in something aged ten generations in Asgardian barrels, saying, “Captain, you don’t seem to be joining in the celebration. Are you not fond of this festival, or are you still feeling the effects of your marital falling out?”

Peggy presses herself hastily against the wall, although she can still hear what sounds like an actual spit-take from Tony.

“How exactly can Cap have a marital anything? I think I’d remember that invitation, or else I’d’ve listened to my dad telling me bedtime stories about whether you wore a tux and how you parted your hair and how he pressed the flower from your buttonhole—”

“Are you not married to Agent 13, then?” says Thor around his words, sounding confused, then adding, as if to ensure that Steve is thinking of the correct person, “Your Peggy? Peggy Carter?”

Steve says, “No, Peggy and I…We…” Pressing closer and extending every bit of serum-offered extra senses, she thinks she can detect just the slightest hitch in his breath. “Peggy and I aren’t together. I don’t know why you thought that we were.”

For a second, there is silence, even the song in the middle of changing over. Then Maria Hill says, bold and dry and matter of fact, “Probably because you’re in love with each other, if I had to guess.”

Into the still-evident quiet, Steve manages to stutter, “We—What—”

Gently, Pepper says, “I think she means…the way that you are with each other.”

“The way we…?”

“Come on, Steve.” That’s Sam now. “We’ve all seen those looks between you two. Hell, sometimes you get so deep into focusing on each other that it’s like the rest of us don’t even exist.”

“That’s not—”

“And you are always by each other’s sides, whether in battle or in celebration or simply as a part of life,” Thor adds. “And each time you speak of returning to your shared home, you do so with great joy.”

“Of course we—”

“Could be the way that you finish each other’s sentences, and understand references that the rest of us don’t,” Bruce contributes.

“Sure, because—”

Around what sounds like a mouthful of food, Clint says, “You respect each other. You cooperate. You can argue and compromise. That’s all important.”

“Well, we’re friends, and—”

Natasha interrupts Steve with such simple authority that it barely even seems to register that it’s happened. “Even knowing that you aren’t together, there’s just a way you watch each other when you think no one else is paying attention — it’s obvious that you both want something more, and I don’t know what happened between you two, but you should do what you can to fix it.”

“Maybe I can’t!”

Steve must have been sitting, because Peggy can hear him on his feet now, the sound obvious as the rest of the group hushes at his uncharacteristic outburst.

“Maybe it’s one of those things that can’t be fixed,” says Steve, softly now. “Not when she doesn’t want what I do.”

Whatever bright, casual energy had been filling the room has faded with those words, with the true vulnerability there.

Alone in the hall, Peggy closes her eyes and thinks about best intentions, time, and chances. When she opens them again, she finds Steve just past the doorway, already looking right at her.

“Come on, Cap,” Tony calls. “Don’t leave before the party’s really gotten started. We’ll brainstorm ways to get her back—”

“I don’t know that you’d be my preferred source for those,” Pepper mutters.

“—and you’ll get to open your Secret Santa gift.”

“I’ll open it another time,” Steve says, not taking his eyes off of Peggy. “I don’t think I’m in the mood for that right now.”

They are lucky that none of the others follow. She hears someone, maybe Rhodey, mumble that they either have to get better at throwing parties without awkward incidents or stop throwing parties altogether, and then Thor distracts everyone by discovering the karaoke machine. She wouldn’t necessarily put it past Natasha, or possibly Sam, to intuit her presence somehow, but she and Steve remain by themselves as they walk quietly back to the lift.

The atmosphere here is different: brightly lit, and JARVIS’s voice has that surrounding quality. The two of them stand against the back wall as the numbers trip downward.

Finally, into the silence, Peggy says, “They do still dance, you know. Here and now. If that was something that you wanted.”

He is a very solid man, Steve Rogers, tall and broad and sturdy in ways both obvious and unseen. His hand trembles, just slightly, as he takes his phone from his pocket and unlocks it.

“This is where I hoped to get to take you,” he says, and she sees that the browser is open to a page for an establishment called Swing 46.

“I’m free on Saturday,” she tells him, their whole past, even its pain and troubles, fitting into its place as the foundation of their future. “And every day after that.”

Steve smiles, and takes her hand, and they forget all the rest.

Coda

  Breaking several laws of physics, he is home by 3:48.

[lifeinahole27]

I promise I'm alive

Eventually, I'm gonna sit down and write out where I've been for the last six months. I owe a huge apology to @grimmswan for never finishing her Christmas fic, first and foremost. And mostly I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still around. Here's the Sparknotes:

Last June, I got passed over for a promotion to AGM at the hotel I was working at. I was promoted instead to "Front Office Manager" and finally got to move to a daytime schedule after we found a new auditor to replace me.

On September 1, I had to fire my first employee ever - that same auditor that I was so excited to replace me - and so that was a fun experience. It meant that I was back to splitting audit duties with the other guy.

We tried to get one of the other desk agents to learn audit. The first attempt did not go well. He was supposed to cover during the weekend of my brother's wedding when I was off work and I genuinely don't remember how we worked the schedule for that now, but I know it was tenuous for a minute.

That same guy that didn't do well on the audit quit via text message the week of Thanksgiving, when the General Manager was on vacation, essentially fucking the rest of us for the rest of the week. He was my best friend at the job. I have not spoken to him since.

At Christmastime, the AGM essentially yelled at me as if I was a child for correcting her on something that she was doing improperly. Her mindset was that she had been working (at another property) for 15 years so she knew how to do her job and there's more than 1 way to do something and I needed to accept that. (Fun sidenote: I had been at that property for almost 4 years and she was doing something wrong. That's the fun thing about different properties. What works at one may not work the same at another.)

After that incident, I was job hunting. I finally got to go to a Christmas luncheon at this hotel (I was always working audit in the years before, so I had never gone before) but I was so miserable the entire time I was there but did a great job acting.

I was forced to work until 12:30am on NYE because my manager was convinced it was going to be a busy day. As I had worked NYE twice before and J had worked it once, we knew it was not going to be busy enough for two people. But still I was forced to work the one day I hate working (thanks to SA memories) and that was the final straw for me.

On January 4, I got a call from the company I had applied to at the recommendation of one of my previous GMs from my old hotel. A few days later, I did a pre-interview/info session with the Talent Manager. Two days after that, I did my interview with a group of managers. And on January 10, I handed in my notice to the hotel.

January 30, I left the hotel at 7:15am, no longer employed by it.

On February 6, I flew out to Denver and spent a week with a BFF I made in the CS community. We had a writers' retreat while I housesat for my sister while she was on vacation. I flew home on February 13 and got my company issued computers set up.

I started the new employment on February 14. My entire upstairs is almost completely renovated after three months of working on it after 7 years of depression. I have quit smoking. I am slowly getting my writing mojo back. My GP and therapist are both astonished at how happy I am.

In the months since I left, I have fully realized that I was essentially being abused at my last job. I was just so driven by my goals there that I was willing to excuse all of the bullshit in hopes of making it in my career. I asked for my vacation time a couple months ago and no one guilt-tripped me because I'm going on vacation in June. I told them I would be happy to take my laptop and work while I'm there and they told me to not even think about it. To go have fun and enjoy my vacation.

I don't know what all of this means for my CS writing. I don't know if that will come back. I would like to. I would love to finish some projects that are half-written. I would love to do another year of cards and finish that not-so-secret santa fic for @grimmswan. I just have to be a little more patient with myself and see what happens.

Okay, that wasn't as short as I expected it to be, because I guess it was a lot. Anyway, hi everyone. This is the happiest I've been since 2015. I'm happy to be back. <3

[pan-fried-autism]

Lab Accident - Chapter 1

Characters: Swap!Leonid (@bowlerhatwearer), Swap!Nikolai (also bowler. hi), secrets

Summary: On a dreary day in the office, Detective Leonid Aksakov receives a strange call.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: smoking

It was a dreary day in the office. Leonid Aksakov sat down in his desk chair, looking at the windows whilst he smoked. He WOULD look out the windows, but seeing as the blinds were presently closed, he couldn't exactly do that.

Not that there was much to look at anyway-- a grey sky, a melding cluster of buildings made of bricks and more grey, some light rain. It's May right now, right? It's not SUPPOSED to look like that.

Wasn't too energetic in the office, either. He didn't have any cases to work on, nor did he have any other cases come in. Frankly, all he could do right now was take a few puffs and maybe sort some paperwork.

Fun.

Leo sighed as he took the cigarette out of his mouth, a noxious gray smoke following suit. He coughed a little after it cleared.

The weather outside was affecting his mood, it seemed. He didn't mind a slow day, but this day was practically catatonic. Yeah, he could sort the paperwork, but that in itself was usually a tedious task. He almost wished he had a case to work on.

... his lunch break was coming up soon. Maybe he could get something fun at that cafe a block down. Some sorta fancy coffee, a nice sandwhich, maybe a donut instead of a ba--

*BRRRRRRNNNNGGG*

The ringing phone jolted him out of his thoughts.

Putting the cigarette out on the side of his desk, Leonid reached and picked up the desk phone from its receiver before hitting the "talk" button.

"Detective Aksakov, speaking." he spoke as he leaned back into his chair.

*... Hello?*

The voice on the other end sounded... odd. Somewhat crackily and high pitched, as if tampered with. Had a faint rasp to it, along with what sounded like a Russian accent.

"Yes, hello. What is the meaning of this call?" he responded.

*I would... like to see if you could help me with something.*

"Hmm. What would it be?"

*My... a dear friend of mine went missing a while ago. I'd like some help finding her.*

Leonid sat up. A missing persons case? Not what he was expecting today.

"Alright... can you tell me a bit about her? Maybe when you last saw her?"

*She was... she is very smart. Smarter than she realizes, in fact. She lives with a friend and her assistant, who's being taken care of by someone, and she always used to visit me.

*... She was actually going to have me over... to meet her assistant. But... but she- she never came. I was going to see where she was but- but I decided against it and... and now we're here.*

"And where did you last see her?"

*... The northern region.*

Leonid made a deep frown at that part. He wasn't too fond of those regions, especially since he lived there.

"I see... and when did you last see here?"

*Six months ago.*

Ah.

This didn't sound promising.

"Well... was there an investigation? This was a while ago, after all. This could be very difficult to do."

*Yes, there WAS an investigation, there WAS a missing person alert put out. But they never found her.... they, however, did not find a body, either. I'm SURE she is still out there. I NEED to believe it.*

That last part managed to pull at Leonids heart a bit. Seems this woman's friend cared about her a lot.

He couldn't help but feel... sympathy.

Leonid sighed quietly.

"Alright... I'll try and find her case, see if I can take it. What was your friends name?"

The voice didn't speak for a few seconds. Leonid heard a deep breath out on the other end.

*... Thank... oh, THANK you so much. Thank you for this! Her name wa- Her name is Grementine Mewton.*

The name sounded familiar. Perhaps he came across it while looking at cases with the other detectives.

"Great. Anything else I should know?"

*Okay, I don't have much time, but from what she had told me, she has a quite obsessive ex-boyfriend. He shows up once a week to get her back, he knows where she lives.*

"Ah, what would his name be?"

*Jack Ha- oh, CONFOU--*

The line went dead.

Oh.

Leonid put the phone down and got out of the chair, throwing the long dead cigarette in the trash.

He'd have to talk to his boss about this one.

Though he couldn't help thinking of the caller as he walked to the head office. Something about how they spoke, especially at the end, seemed so... familiar to him. But how?

...............

Leonid would start properly investigating tomorrow.

On his desk sat a case file on the disappearance of one Grementine Mewton, ready to be opened and examined. And so it was.

The first thing that caught his eye was the photograph.

It was a photograph of a female cat in what looked to be her mid 20s. She had grey eyes and a lazy smile. Her fur was mostly brown, with splotches of pink on her face, and a light tan underbelly. She had a heart shaped nose as well. The photo seemed to be taken during the summer, as she was sitting back in a chair on a sunny day, wearing a floppy sun hat and purple tank top, drinking some sort of orange beverage.

She seemed nice.

He looked at the papers next to it, going through them, taking in all the information he could.

Full Name: Grementine Claire Mewton. Born Claire Diana Mewton, changed it in 2020. Born Feb 26, 2000. Adopted out. Height: 4'. Weight: 62 lbs. Medically diagnosed with ASD. Was admitted to the hospital four years ago on Apr 12 for an emergency-- ("The papers don't seem to say what exactly it was, though" Leonid added in his mind.)-- Lives on 14 [STREET NAME], Silverport, Missoury. Moved there from Hometon, Missoury sometime in 2023. Worked at a PetZone store on 112 Streeton Avenue. Last seen on November 16, 2027, in a gas station in Kaikaville, Missoury.

A photo came with that last part.

It was a picture taken from a slightly grainy security camera at 1:38 pm. Grementine was at the cash register of said gas station, buying a beverage.

Leonid sat in his chain, elbows propped up on the desk and fingers woven between each other.

"Well, I guess her home would be the first place to investigate." he remarked to nobody. "I could interview her housemate."

Leonid got out of his chair, standing out and stretching. He walked over to a window and opened the blinds, leaning on a window sill and looking at the drab cityscape. He closed his eyes.

"Grementine, I don't know why you're missing, But I know there's at least one person out there who misses you dearly.

"I'll find you, Ms. Mewton. I'm not letting any memories of you fade to dust."

[casspurrjoybell-28]

Alpha's Temptation - Chapter 25

*Warning Adult Content*

It starts one day randomly, the day the topic of crushes comes up while Lylah, Wren, and I are hanging out at her house.

"Okay peeps. I need your opinion. I know I usually go for guys but.. Yvonne is pretty cute, don't you think?" Lylah pulls up a picture from the girl's Instagram on her phone, showing me.

"She is. You'd be cute together," I agree enthusiastically. "I feel like she likes you too."

"You think?" Lylah says excitedly, jiggling her phone in her hands. "Shit. I liked it. And it's from six weeks ago," she desperately taps at her phone for a few seconds.

"What about you, Ash?" Wren asks me suddenly, a strange look on his face.

Is he asking me if I have a crush?

I mean, there's no denying I'm attracted to a certain someone.

But still, I don't know what we are.

Can I even call it a crush when I know he would never see me like that?

The moments we share, maybe they're only special to me.

I don't want to gush all about it to my friends only for it to be my own delusion.

"I dunno, really."

"Well I know someone who's got a big fat crush," Lylah says, putting her phone down.

"Who?" Wren asks, looking anxious.

"Uh, I thought it was pretty obvious. Jay, of course."

"Jay?" I question.

"Yeah duh, Ash. He's like, totally into you, if you haven't noticed."

"Me?" I give her an incredulous look.

"Yes, you," she exclaims in disbelief, throwing her hands in the air, "Have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"I don't know," I scratch the back of my neck. "He's probably just being nice."

There's no way such a popular guy would be attracted to me.

I'm a nobody compared to him.

"Yeah and guys are just nice without other intentions. Sure. Trust me, girl, he definitely likes you."

"If that's true then I'm seriously questioning his judgment," I joke, deflecting because I refuse to accept it.

"Omg stop you're literally so nice and gorg..." Lylah playfully jabs me with her foot across the bed.

I know she's lying but I appreciate her trying to make me feel better so I don't deny it.

Compared to her and Wren, I'm as plain as a blank piece of paper.

"I'm so done with this," we suddenly hear from across the room.

Wren sits at Lylah's desk, glowering at us both.

"What?" Lylah raises a ginger eyebrow.

"I'm done."

Maybe crushes are a sore topic for him.

"Are you having erm... boy troubles?" I ask, hoping that'll get an answer out of him.

"Actually yeah, Ash," Wren crosses his arms, narrowing his eyes at me. "But you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

I'm taken aback by the accusatory tone in his voice.

"W-what does that mean?"

"Because you always get the guy."

"I don't understand..."

Wren groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"See? Do you know how annoying it is when you act like this?"

"I'm not t-trying to..."

"Why do you have to be so oblivious? For God's sake, Jay's all fucking over you constantly and you can't take a hint? Are you actually that fucking slow?"

I flinch at his harsh tone, a crushing feeling inside me.

I look down, not knowing what to say.

"That was low, Wren," Lylah glares at him, putting her arm around me.

Wren doesn't like that.

I almost wish Lylah hadn't intervened because he looks ten times angrier now.

"So you're siding with him?" his voice raises. 

"Siding? What the hell did Ash do wrong?"

Wren looks at me.

"You just seem selfish to me, Ash. Not even appreciating Jay when he's so obviously flirting with you. Do you not know how lucky you are?"

"Wait," Lylah interjects. "You like Jay?" she asks Wren, her eyes looking like they'll pop out of their sockets.

"Yes, obviously," Wren snaps. "I've liked him since freshman year and he's never so much as even given me a second glance. Meanwhile, he's only known you," he motions to me... "For what... a few months? And you're all he can fucking see."

"Wren, I had no idea..."

"Of course, you didn't. Neither of y'all cared enough to realize..."

"But we asked you," Lylah's face is reddened in anger. "You were the one who wouldn't be straight about what was going on with you. You think being a grump all the time would make us realize you like Jay? We thought you were having family problems. Not crush problems."

"How could I tell you that? It's pathetic..."

"I would've understood, Wren," I try to console him. "If I h-had known, I-I wouldn't have gotten closer to him. But I promise I wasn't trying to-to sabotage you."

"Ugh," Wren sighs, eyes rolling in annoyance. "Now you're making me look like the bad guy."

"I just don't want this to hurt our friendship," I already feel the familiar heat in my face, the rising of tears.

"You don't get it, Ash. You have everything. Everything I don't. It's so frustrating that I-I just want to be you sometimes."

The room goes silent.

I don't even know what to say to that.

He wants to be me?

Why would someone beautiful and perfect like him want to be me?

I don't even begin to compare to him.

I just... I can't even wrap my head around it.

Being me is never being able to sleep.

Being me is having horrific flashbacks and nightmares of a dark basement with my own blood on the floor of it.

Being me is distracting myself with TV and games and homework from the fact that I hate myself.

Being me is wanting to hurt myself.

Being me is fearing I'm going insane, taking medications I'm not sure work at all.

What's so great at being me?

There's nothing.

The only thing good about being me is the people around me.

Not myself.  

"You have no idea about anything, Wren," I say, my voice cracking. "You want to be me?" I nearly laugh out loud at how ridiculous it sounds. "If you knew what that's like, you'd take that back."

I stand up, snatching up my bag from the floor and pulling on my shoes.

"Wait, Ash..." Lylah starts, her brows creased in worry.

But I'm out of there.

I rush out the door, running out of the house before Lylah's parents try to talk to me.

It's about a fifteen walk to my house from here.

I look at the sky, noting it's starting to get dark.

I have had such a fear of the dark when I'm alone since Henry.

But I don't have anywhere else to go.

I'll just have to get home quickly.

I put in my headphones, blasting some random music in my years as I try to block out the negative emotions pouring in.

But it's impossible.

The first tear rolls down my cheek, then another.

I'm full-on sobbing by the time I get back to the house, also panting from running half the way back because the sun is going down.

Lucien's not home, fortunately.

I don't want him to take me back to that psychiatrist again.

It's not even Wren who I'm upset at.

It's me, again.

I always ruin fucking everything for myself, don't I?

I've made sure Wren is never going to want to talk to me again.

Especially not after I stole his crush away from him.

I just feel awful.

And I don't understand why Jay would like me.

I'm still not even convinced he does but if it made Wren that upset then maybe it's true.

And I know Wren doesn't know what my stepfather has instilled in me.

That I'm pathetic, worthless, disgusting and that's why it's hard for even fathom Jay is attracted to me but it's all so frustrating.

Because I can never explain myself so no one understands.

I don't know.

I don't know anything.

I'm so exhausted.

It feels like all I do is cry sometimes.

So I dry my tears, staring at my repulsing face in the mirror.

It's blotchy and red and my freckles look gross to me.

Like someone splattered dirt across my face.

Lylah's freckles don't look like this so why do mine?

Before I'm tempted to smash the mirror, I go out of the bathroom, looking temptingly at my pillow.

I have the urge to suffocate myself again.

Just a few punishing minutes then I'll stop.

I walk to the bed, about to reach for the pillow when my phone ringing jerks me out of my daze.

At first, I think it might be Wren and I don't want to pick up.

But the name on the screen surprises me and I snatch my phone up, answering the call.

"Daemon?"

"I knew it. You're upset."

I frown.

How is he on to me so quickly?

"What are you talking about? I'm not..."

"That's your crying voice. You can't hide it from me."

Great.

He's heard me cry so much he knows how I sound by heart.

"I  wasn't trying to hide anything. And how did you even know?"

Daemon's quiet for a few moments.

"It's complicated."

I don't get what he means by that.

It's like he knows when I'm not okay.

I'm still pondering if that was also the case when he came really early that one Saturday after I had that panic episode.

But Lucien turned him away, accusing Daemon of not caring about me and Daemon agreed, just before he left.

Does he still feel that way?

He's surely changed... right?

"Okay."

"Why have you been crying?"

"It's nothing," I say, flopping down on my bed. "Just friend drama."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

The sound of a loud motor sounds in the background of the call.

"Where are you?"

"The garage. With that fucker Hen..." he stops himself from saying the name. "Since he's gone, they need extra hands."

I appreciate his effort to censor the name.

I hate thinking about Henry. 

Now I recall that time when Daemon found me ditching class.

"That's right. I saw you there before. Are you, like, a mechanic?"

"I like, might be," he replies mockingly.

"Ugh stop."

A little smile twitches on my lips.

"How do you do that on top of scouting for Lucien? It sounds like a lot."

"I don't mind being busy. Gives me less time to think."

I guess I can relate to that.

"So what do you do in your free time? You like making jewelry, right?"

"Not just jewelry. I like welding things. Or carving. But it's pretty useless so I don't do it much."

"But you're so good at it. It's amazing you have a hobby like that."

"Oh yeah? Well, what's your hobby then, Omega?"

I think for a moment about what I should say.

"I like... art. Drawing or painting. Though I'm pretty bad at it."

"Send me something,"

"Like a picture of it?"

"No, mail it to me from the post office right now," he says sarcastically.

"Whatever, Daemon."

I go over to my desk, flipping through my drawing pad.

Is there anything worthy of sharing?

I settle on a wolf drawing I drew, even colored in.

It's of a white wolf and a dark-furred wolf in the forest.

Or at least that's what it's supposed to look like.

In reality, the white wolf looks more like a sheep and the other wolf looks like an abnormally long dog and the trees I drew look like toothpicks with lettuce attached to them.

But I decide to share it anyways.

Daemon's already seen me at my worst so who cares?

I take the pic and send it to him.

"Uh, did you get it?"

"Wow..." he trails off and I can practically hear him trying to hold his laughter back.

"I know it's bad."

I immediately regret it.

"No, no, I like it," his voice is light with mirth.

"Is that supposed to be you and me?"

"I... I don't know," I stammer.

But he kinda hit the nail on the head.

"I think the white wolf needs to be a lot smaller if that's you, shortcake."

"I'm not small..."

Why does he always tease me like this?

I know I'm short compared to an Alpha wolf but there's no need to point it out.   

"Yes you are. You're tiny."  

"Anyone would be tiny to you, you big oaf." 

"Did you just call me an oaf?"

We talk until late, until I can barely keep my eyes open.

I glance at the clock.

"Hey, I think I have to go. Lucien says my phone curfew is 12 am."                               

"That old man. Does he think you're a child?"

I giggle sleepily, rolling over on my bed.

"Child or not, I'm gonna fall asleep any minute."

Daemon sighs lightheartedly.

"Alright. Goodnight, Ash."

"I like it when you call me that."

"Hmm?"

"I mean, anything is fine with me. But I love when you say my name," I say drowsily, my eyes closed.

He says something else but I am too far gone to hear it.