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youcalledmeshortstack · 2 years ago

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2nd Love / Roles Reversed

They say a person experiences three loves in a lifetime. The first one teaches, the second one hurts, and the third one is supposed to stick….This story is primarily about the second one.

Home life during my youth was pretty tumultuous. My parents were addicted to meth, we often found ourselves homeless, without power and food, and I lacked any sort of security. My father finally cleaned up his act when I was about 15. My mother said she was clean, but was not. Her drug use lead to my father issuing an ultimatum; get clean, or he would take me and my siblings away from her. Instead of my mother getting professional help, she quit cold turkey and gave herself a massive heart attack. Me, my parents, my two little brothers and my newborn sister were living with my grandmother in her tiny one-bedroom duplex when my mother had her heart attack.

I met the First when I was 15, shortly before my mom’s heart attack. He was the cute boy across the street. I’d find excuses to go outside every day to try and get his attention and eventually he noticed me. We started talking and flirting, and then he finally asked me out. As far as first loves go, I’d say I had a decent experience. The First was sweeter than most typical 15 year old boys, he brought me flowers from his garden, made me laugh, and we were absolutely inseparable for the better part of 3 years. The First and I went through some pretty hard times together, my mom’s heart attack and his parents’ divorce. We were stability for each other when we both desperately needed it.

The First was my first everything; my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, and my first “first.” He broke up with me once, right before my high school graduation. I remember it hurting so badly. But, I lost a bit of weight, dated another boy very briefly, and it didn’t hurt anymore. Then The First started to come around once more. My mom warned me, said not to go back to him. He admitted he only was attracted to me again since I had lost weight. We were together for a few months, and had some really great times together, but ultimately, our relationship ended in heartbreak (mine). There were some rather mean moments after the breakup on both ends, but we ended up being friendly and I still talk to his mother. Even though the breakup with The First hurt like hell, it wasn’t earth shattering. Looking back, I think my pride was hurt more than anything because I let him do that to me twice. I swore I’d never give anyone a second chance again…..A promise to myself that I wish I would have kept.

The First ended our relationship for good in February 2001, just a few days before Valentine’s Day. I was sad, but think subconsciously I saw it coming. I started spending time with a friend, and she helped to bring me out of my shell. She was a fiery red-head who was very outspoken, and was so much fun to be around, something I really needed. She was a couple years older than me, and lived with two roommates, G and T. I had met them both briefly once before when The First and I had broken up the first time. When I started coming back around, G told my friend he thought I had gotten “hot.” G and I had a brief flirtation, but were just not in the same place in life. He and I maintained contact because he was my friend’s roommate, and we flirted constantly, but nothing more serious than a make-out session ever happened.

March 2001 was when I met The Second. I was 18 years and 3 months old. I’ll never forget the day I met him, as long as I live. There was I was, sitting at some damn party that I wasn’t even supposed to go to, minding my own fucking business, ready to go home, when he walks in. My eyes locked on him and I’ve never, to this very day, experienced an attraction like that before. He was drop dead gorgeous. I can still remember what he was wearing. I was so used to being ignored by guys, that I never in a million years would have guessed that a guy as hot as he was (is) would ever notice I was alive. But he did. Just prior to him walking in I had told my friend I was ready to go home, but when I saw him, I stayed a while longer, covertly checking him out. When I was leaving, he stopped me to ask if he knew me from somewhere. I had never seen him before in my life, I surely would have remembered him. He kept talking to me and although I don’t remember most of what we talked about that night, I do remember finding out he was 24, while he was chatting with someone else at the party. He was definitely out of my league. He was way too old for me. But that night, he didn’t ask how old I was, and there was no way I was gonna offer that information. I remember him asking for my number. I really doubted he would call, but was so fucking hopeful that he would. That night when I absolutely had to leave, he walked me to my car. When he saw my car, he realized where he had seen me before (I had a very beat up, old, very unique, bright red Buick.) He said that he had a friend who lived in the same apartment complex as my friend and he had noticed my long blonde hair as he was driving through the parking lot. Small world, I guess…

At the time, I only had a pager, my family didn’t have a house phone. Every damn time that fucking pager went off my heart damn near fell out of my ass. My friend thought it would be funny to send me a prank page and I went nuts because the number wasn’t a real number. I got several other texts from people I didn’t know over the next couple of days and think I had finally given up hope he would call me.

I was at my friend’s apartment when he did finally page me. When the number popped up, I thought for sure it was another wrong number, but because I’m such a hopeless dork, I prayed it was him. My heart was about to beat out of my chest as I dialed the number, and when I heard his voice on the phone, the butterflies in my stomach started going crazy. I could barely breathe I was so nervous to talk to him. He was actually asking me on a date!

I don’t remember the exact day we went out; I remember spending every last dollar I had on a dark blue denim jacket and a black scoop neck t-shirt to wear on our date, and then being petrified he would ask me to pay for my dinner. I had absolutely no money. I had him pick me up from my grandmother’s house because I was embarrassed about my house, and my family. He picked me up in his old Nissan, that turned out to not even really be his, it belonged to his parents….go figure. I remember how he smelled. Normally I don’t like cologne and sadly, in the two years I spent with him, I never even thought to ask what it was he wore that night. He just smelled good, like whatever cologne that was, and mint. He always had a tin of Altoids with him. I think it was on our first date I found out he still lived with his parents. I was a little surprised that a 24-year-old still lived at home. I also think I remember that’s when I found out that his mom was a super Mormon. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it ended up causing some issues. During the drive, an Aerosmith song came on the radio, it was their new single “Jaded.” I commented that I loved Aerosmith and had since I was a little girl. I know we must have talked a lot, because I don’t remember any awkward silences, but I don’t really remember specific conversations that night. We went to dinner at Golden Corral in Fresno (Clovis?) then went walking around an outdoor shopping center and did some window shopping. He bought me a toe ring that night, which surprised me. I saw it in some surf shop and thought it was cute, it was maybe $5, but I was completely broke so I didn’t even try to buy it. But he got it for me. I don’t remember much of the drive home, but I do remember being sad the night was over and I was desperately worried that I hadn’t made a good impression. In all my nervousness I couldn’t remember if I thanked him for the date, or even told him if I had a good time. So before I went home, I stopped at a pay phone to call him and proceeded to word vomit that I had a good time and to tell him thanks for a nice evening. He joked “Yeah, what the hell was that about?” and said he had had a good time too and would call me soon.

I was so worried he wouldn’t call. I don’t even remember how long it took him to call me again, and I have absolutely no memory of what we did on our second date. I remember after the second date though. He had dropped me off at home and I had already put my PJ’s on (white silk shorts and an old ratty 49er’s shirt) when I noticed he had paged me. He paged me with all 9’s which meant he was outside. It had been several minutes since the page, so I figured he had probably left, but when I looked outside, he was still parked in front of my house. I ran out to his car, mortified that he was seeing me in my awful pajamas, but he didn’t say anything about my appearance, he said that he had gotten me a gift and forgot to give it to me. It was Aerosmith’s newest CD. I thought that was so sweet of him, I was shocked he had done something so nice for me on only our second date.

Our third date I remember a little more clearly. I remember thinking how gorgeous he looked that night. He was in faded blue jeans, a white t-shirt under a dark blue sweater vest, and he had his navy blue ball cap on that had an orange tiger paw and some Chinese symbol or something on it. I remember really noticing his eyes that night. I had never met anyone with green eyes before. I felt embarrassed any time I looked at him. He was just too pretty, and so far out of my league it was insane. The entire two years I was with him I just never got over how beautiful he was. That night he took me to dinner, but it was also the night of our first kiss. I remember him leaning in and my stomach lurched. I had made out with other guys, so I knew I wasn’t a bad kisser, but damn, he was just so gorgeous and he was so much older than me, what if I wasn’t as good as I hoped I was? What if he was turned off by me? I don’t think it was as passionate as he had hoped, but he seemed to blame himself for it, he said that he could, and would, do better next time. My stomach flipped when he said “next time.”

The dates and days and conversations bleed together for a while. My dad mentioned my age in front of him and I almost died. I thought for sure he was going to say I was too young and didn’t want to see me anymore, but he didn’t. He made a comment something a long the lines of “So you’re 18?”, but didn’t really seem too concerned. We went on more dates, started hanging out at my friend’s apartment or at my house. I don’t remember how long it took us to have sex. I remember a lot of making out and over-the-clothes stuff. I was going crazy I wanted him so badly, but he told me that he wanted to take it slow, that I was the first girl since his last relationship that he actually wanted to take his time with. That made me feel special….hopeful. Could he really have feelings for me? I hoped so.

Our first time was awful. It was awkward. Weird. My first time ever wasn’t even that bad. Maybe I should have known then that it was all wrong, that we weren’t meant to be together. I was so used to my first boyfriend wanting me to be quiet and stay still during sex. I had no clue how to have sex with anyone else. I was so insecure about my body, I was mortified for him to see me naked. I’ve always had self esteem issues, I hate my body and I always have. I just couldn’t understand or believe that he actually wanted to see me naked. I never believed him when he said he loved my body. So I spent that night desperately trying to hide it. The whole thing just kind of ended on a very awkward note. I’m honestly surprised he wanted to date me after that. I have only had sex that bad a few times, and after all the other times, I never talked to the guys again.

There were more bad encounters after that first one. I remember one where he said “I’m sorry I’m not Him” (referring to my first boyfriend.) That really hurt my feelings. I felt like I had disappointed him and that he was upset that I wasn’t like his ex. I think that was the first real sign of his true personality. He got so cold and distant with me that night. He knew I was young and inexperienced. He could have tried to teach me what he liked; he could have told me what he wanted me to do to him. I would have done anything he asked me to. But he just made me feel ashamed, like the whole thing went bad because of me.

Eventually we got better. A lot better. All I wanted was him. I wanted all of his time. I wanted all of him. I couldn’t keep my hands off of him. I couldn’t get enough of his face while we made love. Him looking at me while he thrusted into me turned me on more than anything. He commented one time while we were making love that he was trying to let me come first, but could feel me pulsing around him. When he said that I came instantly. Knowing my body could do that to him, make him feel that way, was a powerful realization.

Even though the sex got better, he still continued to make me feel like I wasn’t enough. I was so young and inexperienced, I believed him. I started to get really depressed and very insecure. I didn’t really know much about foreplay, my first boyfriend never really had any patience for it, so I was used to just getting right to it. With a new partner, I was desperately trying to learn how to please him, but in my two years with him, I’m not sure I ever really got it right. I just wasn’t confident enough with my body to make him happy. With my first boyfriend the lights were always off, he had no real interest in seeing me naked. With this new guy, he very much wanted to see me naked, wanted to watch me while he fucked me. I was too young to appreciate that back then. I’d give anything for it now.

My parents seemed somewhat accepting of my relationship. My mom even commented that she would rather he just stay the night than wake everyone up when he left in wee hours of the morning.

Our one-month anniversary would be coming up some time in the week of April 2001. He indicated he had a surprise for me. I faked being sick and played hooky from work. Apparently, I messed up his plans. He had wanted to buy a dozen roses and stand outside of my job and have customers hand the roses to me one-by-one. We hadn’t been together long enough for him to have known how much I hated being put on the spot and how much I hated surprises, so I’m glad I messed up his plans. He still got me roses and surprised me though. Because I only had a pager and my family didn’t have a house phone, he knew if he paged me I’d have to drive to a pay phone to call him. So he paged me, I went to a pay phone and he said he just wanted to say hi and see if I had any plans that day. I was a little hurt and confused because I was waiting for my surprise that he hinted at. He said he might come by later and pick me up so we could go do something together. We hung up and I drove home really disappointed. Had I gotten it all wrong? Was he all talk? But then when I walked in my front door, there was a huge bouquet of yellow roses with red tips. He had paged me to get me out of the house so he could sneak the flowers in. No one had ever gotten me a huge bouquet of flowers or surprised me like that. I was definitely more than a little smitten with him at this point. Only a month in and I was falling too fucking fast. I wish I had realized what a heartbreak I was in for.

Sometime in late April or early May 2001, I quit my fast food job and went to work as a receptionist at a vet’s office. That job ended up not working out and I either quit or got fired, my employer and I never really agreed on that part. They failed to put me on the schedule, but when I didn’t show up they said I quit….So now I had no job, and no money. I had taken on a couple bills and had no clue what I was going to do. Jobs weren’t very easy to come by back then. One morning I was going through my purse for some reason and noticed a wad of cash. I think there was like a hundred bucks. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more confused in my life. I honestly had no clue where that money came from. Did I forget about it? Did my parents give it to me? I knew my parents were broke, hell, they were in the process of getting evicted, how could they give me money? My mom suggested that maybe He had given it to me, but we hadn’t been dating that long so I told her there was no way it could have been him. Out of curiosity, when I did end up talking to him later that day I jokingly asked him if he had forgotten something in my purse. He said no, he left it there for me to find because he knew if he straight up tried to hand me the cash I wouldn’t have taken it from him. I couldn’t believe he did that for me. He also refused to ever let me pay him back. To this day I don’t think he realizes how much that cash saved me.

During this time frame was also when he told me that he was falling in love with me. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. We were at my friend’s apartment, drinking and dancing one night. He and I were snuggled up with each other on the couch and were both a little tipsy when he told me he wanted to tell me something, but he wasn’t sure if he should do it when we were drinking because he wanted me to know he was serious. I honestly thought he was going to tell me he didn’t want to date me anymore. I could have shit myself. But I begged him to tell me whatever it was. He said “I’m falling in love with you.” My heart damn near leaped out of my throat. I don’t know if I had ever been happier than I was in that moment.

Being as young as I was, in my immature mind, I thought, this is the guy I’m gonna marry. He loves me. I figured since he was 24 years old, he would be looking for a real relationship, a real commitment. He’d made the comment early on how he wanted to take it slow with me, that he really liked me, and now he’s falling in love with me. Surely, we’d be together forever. I can’t believe now how naïve I was. I feel like Naïve should have been my name.

He eventually started to complain about having to wear protection. So I swallowed my pride and went to Planned Parenthood, where I endured a battery of STD Testing and my first ever pap smear. I was so scared and nervous they almost wouldn’t give me any birth control pills because my heart rate was so fast. All my tests came back clear, so I was happy about that.

The warnings started to come in at this point. None of my friends really liked him that much. I was told he was going to break my heart and I got really defensive. I was so blindly in love with him I ended up alienating the majority of my friends because I was always so defensive and miserable. He made me feel like shit, and my friends tried telling me that he was a schmuck, and instead of really taking a look at my situation, I stuck up for the asshole. I would have followed him into the depths of hell if I got to hold on to him for a bit longer.

Things started to get a little strained when my parents got evicted from our house. We all had to move back in with my grandmother in her little one-bedroom apartment. With him still living with his parents, and me not having any privacy, being alone was difficult. We had a few stolen moments in a car (he liked to park on the bike path under a well-lit bridge), and once we pooled our cash together to get a hotel room. But that’s when I started to notice him getting distant. He started to go out without me a lot. I was only 18 so I couldn’t go to the bars or clubs he went to. I wasn’t as jealous in those early months so I wasn’t too concerned initially. I knew that him going out without me was to be expected since I was too young. However, my problems began when he would fall off the face of the earth for a few days and I would get worried. Why didn’t he call me? Was he hurt somewhere? Then he would call, we would have a date, I would feel better, and then the cycle would start over again.

Sometime in July 2001 he invited me on a short trip with him and some of his college friends. One of the girls was going to go to school in Santa Barbara and needed to drive down there to do some registration stuff, so they were turning it into a trip to Six Flags and then camping on the beach in Santa Barbara. I was so excited. I found out later that his female friend was less than excited that I was going. She never did like me. Not even a little, she was barely polite to me and that’s being nice. She didn’t like that I was so young. I guess they had all wanted to go out to a club, but since I was there, they couldn’t. I felt like a little kid. The first night we ended up leaving Six Flags too late to get a spot on the beach. We all ended up crashing on the floor of someone’s apartment for the night. I remember being really disappointed because I had been looking forward to jumping his bones. The next day was awkward. His friends really didn’t want me around, no one really spoke to me, and I felt alone. Looking back, he really didn’t do much to make me feel better, he mainly stuck up for his friends and said I was too withdrawn and didn’t try to talk to them either. However, that night was probably the hottest sex I’ve ever had. We hadn’t been together in quite a while. I was faithful to him, I doubt now that he had been to me, but he seemed to really want me that night. We waited until it was barely dark and excused ourselves to go to bed. As soon as we got in the tent we started taking each other’s clothes off. I’d never wanted to fuck anyone as badly as I wanted to fuck him that night. Normally I was very shy, but the fact that we were in a tent with tons of people around us didn’t phase me a whole lot that night. I do remember that I whispered to him that it was really difficult to be quiet, and he said “Oh, they know exactly what we’re doing…..” Lord that made me hot. We didn't get much sleep that night.

The drive back from the trip is when I found out I got a job. A really good job for someone my age with no college experience. It was full time work that paid way above minimum wage. I’d even have health insurance. With the amount of money I would be making I would be able to afford to live on my own

It was also around this time that he asked me not to make any plans for August 8th. He wouldn’t tell me why and said it was a surprise. He told me to dress comfortable, but nice. I remember I had to borrow a pair of pants from my friend because I didn’t know what to wear and all I had were jeans. He took me to my first Aerosmith concert. I was on cloud nine! It was one of the best nights of my life. I actually did end up finding out what he was up to prior to our actual date, but pretended I didn’t know because he seemed so happy to surprise me. He was really really cute when he was excited about something, I just couldn’t disappoint him by telling him I knew what we were doing. No one’s smile makes my heart sing like his used to. I remember his laugh when he was really happy or excited about something. It made me happy to see him happy. His smile was just the greatest thing in the world.

I started my new job in the middle of August. While I was still in training, he came to have dinner with me one evening. We sat at a table outside in the corridor with some ladies I worked with and I noticed one of the women was very quiet and didn’t say much. After he left, and my break was over the girl came up to me and asked me his name. I told her and she said she thought she recognized him and when I told her his name she said he was also dating a friend of hers. My heart sank. I lied to her (and myself) and said we’d only been dating a short time and I wasn’t sure if he and I were exclusive. I don’t know why I lied to her, I should have been pissed off. He had told me he loved me, surely it was the girl who must be a liar, right? RIGHT? I never said a word to him about it because as long as I didn’t hear it from him, I could deny it. We had only been together about 5 months, and even though he had said he loved me, 5 months really isn’t that long. That girl continued giving me dirty looks for the remainder of our training program, and never spoke to me again.

Now that I had an income, I would regularly rent hotel rooms so that he and I could have privacy. It wasn’t just hormone driven; it was also for my sanity because sharing a bathroom with 6 other people was getting old. I wanted to take a shower without someone interrupting me because they had to pee. It was about this time I noticed he was going out a lot more than usual, and started to not want to stay with me in my hotel room saying he had to work late, or had other plans. I finally got upset enough that I called him out on it. We met for lunch one day and I told him I needed to know how he felt about me. His response was very serious and seemed entirely sincere. He said “I’m in love with you.” I told him that’s all I needed to hear, and at the time, it was all I needed to hear. Because I was stupid. I believed anything the fucker said to me.

One night, my boss made arrangements for my whole team to go to the movies together and significant others were welcomed to go as well. I got all dressed up in something I thought my guy would like and did my hair the way he liked it. When we got to the theater the ticket taker gave me a small bouquet of red roses and said he was told to give it to the prettiest girl he saw. I immediately turned bright red, I was so embarrassed. I asked the ticket taker who put him up to it, and he just shrugged his shoulders. Of course, it was my guy, but I’m gullible and a little slow on the uptake. I don’t even remember the movie we watched, I was so embarrassed about the roses. I think I may have even thrown them away because I really didn’t know they were from Him. After our date, and the realization that those roses had been from Him, I remember looking at him and thinking how lucky I was and just how much I loved him. When he dropped me off that night, I was sincerely overcome with how much I loved him, so after he gave me a kiss goodnight, and as he was walking away I said “I love you.” He stopped, turned around, and said “You can’t say it like that!” He was actually upset with me. He lectured me for a good few minutes on how “I love you” should only be said when it was really meant and not just as a goodbye. I tried desperately to explain to him that I meant those words from the bottom of my heart, but he just wouldn’t hear me. He was very upset when he left, and I just sat on my grandmother’s porch stunned and sad. Words had never cut so deep before. I didn’t know why I felt like I was in trouble. Why was it bad to tell my partner I loved them? I should have ended things right then and there, but I couldn’t. I rarely told him I loved him after that.

I thought once I moved out on my own things would get better. We would have our own space. I guess in my young naïve mind I thought he and I would play house. I pictured cooking dinner for him, having friends over for game nights, or parties. But none of that ever happened. He could have been a grown up with me. But he chose to go to bars instead because he knew I couldn’t go. Instead of introducing me to his friends and trying to start conversations to help me out, he just let me sit by myself, knowing how shy I was, and then getting mad at me for being shy, and using that as the excuse as to why he never took me around his friends. It was always a criticism with him. I was never enough of most things, and too much of other things.

In November 2001, shortly before my 19th birthday, I got the keys to my very first apartment. I really felt like a grown up. He spent the first night in my apartment with me, I didn’t have any furniture yet so we slept on the floor by the heater to keep warm. After that first night, getting him to stay with me was nearly impossible. He’d always say he didn’t want to explain where he was to his mother, or he had to work, or he had class early in the morning. It was one excuse after another. I was too afraid to lose him to stand my ground. He never even bothered to introduce me to his mother. I met his dad one time in passing and I don’t even think I was introduced as a girlfriend, just a friend. I couldn’t understand why my feelings didn’t matter. I still don’t understand it. Once, I casually made a comment about the possibility of him moving in with me and he immediately dismissed the idea saying that he didn’t think it was a good idea for us to spend that much time together. When the apartment next door to me became available I suggested he take it, the rent was cheap and the neighborhood was okay. He said it was too similar to living together and didn’t like that idea. Eventually I stopped bringing up long term commitment or living arrangements because every time we discussed those subjects he broke my heart.

One would think that a 24 year old would have been happy that I was acting like an adult. I had a good job, a car, and depended on no one else to support myself. He worked part-time as a waiter, lived with his parents, and just wanted to party every weekend. I wanted an actual grown-up relationship. I wanted communication, intimacy, trust, and a commitment. He was unable to provide any of that and somehow made me feel like it was my fault things weren’t working out. What else was I supposed to want from someone who told me he loved me? Is that not the direction I was supposed to want to go? Maybe he thought that because I was so young, I wouldn’t want that kind of commitment. That I would be fine with him walking all over me and partying every weekend without me. That I would just always be waiting in the wings for him to grace me with his presence. Well guess again buddy….you told me you loved me! You told me that you were IN LOVE with me. Why wouldn’t I want some kind of hope of long-term commitment? Instead, I get ridiculed at the mere mention of us moving in together. God forbid I ask him to stay the night with me. His mommy might get upset. I wanted to scream at him "Then grow the fuck up and move out of her house!" He could have lived with me, he could have gotten his own apartment, he could have gotten roommates. He could have done SOMETHING to show he really loved me, and that he was a grown man, but he never did.

And the few times I did cook for him, he was very critical. I didn’t do something right, the seasoning was off, or his mom’s was better. I was crushed. I tried so hard. One time I made him brownies because he said they were his favorite, and then he got pissy when I didn’t leave any batter in the bowl for him to eat. He actually scolded me for it. Hell, I couldn’t even order pizza correctly. I ordered pizza for myself one time, I think he and I had only been dating a month or two, and I told him I had gotten pizza and he could come over and have some if he wanted. It was the very first time I had ever ordered pizza for myself, so I ordered my favorite, which back then was Italian sausage, olives and extra cheese. He came over, opened the lid and said “What the hell is this?” And refused to eat any. He could have asked what kind of pizza I ordered before he came over. We hadn’t been dating that long, I didn’t know what toppings he liked. I probably would have ordered anchovies if I thought he liked them because I was always trying so hard to do things right.

Things between us were not great, but I ignored it. I was so much in love with him I figured anything wrong in our relationship was entirely my fault. I was too jealous, too crazy, too shy, too introverted. Meanwhile, he refused to answer calls or texts while he was with me and was very private about his phone. Once he left his phone at my apartment while he ran to the store and out of sheer paranoia and desperation, I read his text messages. It appeared that he was good about deleting them but there were a few new unread ones from a female that seemed very intimate. Nothing sexual, but also not anything you would text to just a friend. I never told him I looked at his phone, I just put it back where it was and kept my heartbreak to myself. I know that the invasion of his privacy was not okay, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something from me.

As the months went by his distance from me grew. The rare occasions he would spend time with me usually consisted of him criticizing me in some way. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. I felt ashamed of myself. I believed every word he said about me. I wanted to be the happy-go-lucky, out-going girl he wanted me to be. But that’s just not who I was back then, and it’s still not who I am today. I guess he thought that because we met at a party that I was more out-going than I actually was. He never cared to notice that I was only out-going around people I was comfortable with. But put me in a room full of people that I don’t know and I turn into a wallflower.

Around this time I went to the doctor for a physical. She insisted on making me get another pap and another set of STD tests. A few days later she called and asked me to come in. I told her I was on my way to work and asked what was wrong because I couldn’t make it into her office that morning. She told me I had chlamydia, and I told her that I had no clue what that was. She told me it was an STD. I had only been with him since my first boyfriend. And I had been tested for STD’s less than a year before and those tests came back clear. I had proof he cheated on me, and gave me an STD, and he still denied it. I stupidly believed him and agreed Planned Parenthood must have just missed it in my last set of tests. His ability to manipulate me was unbelievable. He could tell me the world was flat and that unicorns were real and I would have believed him.

In March 2002, for our one-year anniversary, he bought me a diamond heart pendant. He claimed I was the first girl he had ever bought diamonds for. I wore it almost every day. I showed it off to anyone who would pay attention to me. I thought for sure this was proof that he loved me and I was crazy for doubting his affections for me. Even looking back now I can’t figure out what his end-game was. Maybe he was confused? Why put me through so much, knowing I wasn’t what he wanted or needed?

On May 2nd, my mom died. I was devastated. He began to spend more time with me and was more attentive. I was so happy he seemed to be coming back around. It didn’t last though. He quickly became distant again and things just felt off. Admittedly I became very jealous. I went as far as to learn how to covertly check his voicemail from my phone, leaving no trace that I had done so. That’s when my fears came to life. He was talking to other girls. How far they had gone, I had no clue, but why would a female call a guy at 4:30 in the morning just to say good night? I was too embarrassed to admit what I had done, so my only option was to keep my mouth shut. I’m still ashamed at my actions, for invading his privacy like that, and I’m not sure my jealousy is a good enough excuse for what I did.

The weekend of May 19th, 2002, he took me to Bay to Breakers in SF. I was so excited to go. Initially he also seemed excited that I was going. He even had a t-shirt made with my mom’s picture on it as a memorial and planned to wear it while he ran the marathon. I was very touched by the sentiment. That trip was an absolute fucking nightmare. Once again, I embarrassed him. He took me to San Francisco when I was 19 years old. He was 25 by this time. His plan was for him to run the marathon with his friends and I was to meet them at the finish line. But did he do any research on bus schedules or taxis to get me to the finish line? Nope. Didn’t care how I got there. When my anxiety got out of control and I started crying, his female friend got mad at me and suggested that I shouldn’t have even come on the trip. We finally got it sorted out, and I got on the right buses to make it to the finish line in time, but what kind of man leaves his 19 year old girlfriend alone in San Francisco? Sure, technically I was an adult, but I had never been alone in a big city before. He knew that. He also knew that I didn’t have a computer and didn’t know my way around San Francisco. He had done Bay to Breakers for several years in a row at this point, and had access to a computer. He could have helped me, but instead he let me struggle and then made me feel bad about it. How hard would it have been for him to get the information ahead of time so that he was sure I would be able to get where I needed to go safely? Just another thing, in a long line of things, that show me now what I couldn’t or wouldn’t see back then. He never loved me.

It continued to get worse between us. He went as far as to mention that we should take a break, but he knew I didn’t really believe in second chances and he didn’t want to lose me. We stayed together but the relationship was very strained. Sometime in September 2002, we went to a movie and on the drive there he barely said a word to me, and he didn’t attempt to touch me or hold my hand during the entirety of the movie, which was out of character for him. I mentioned that to him on my way to drop him back off at his house, and he said he thought he’d leave me alone because he knew I had a crush on the main character and wanted me to enjoy the movie. I didn’t buy it. When we got to his house, I told him he could have his break. I asked if he wanted to date other people, or if the break was truly just to get some space. He told me that he didn’t want to date anyone else and just needed time to think. He actually cried, so I believed every bullshit line he fed me that night. I cried all night and didn’t go to work the next day. My heart was shattered. He continued to text me and keep in somewhat regular contact, but nothing in person. My depression became so bad I was afraid to be home alone and I started spending as much time as I could with my aunt or grandmother so that my mind was occupied. I had long since alienated all my friends because I was so defensive about my relationship.

As embarrassed as I am by my actions now, I continued to check his voicemail. One night he got a message from a girl, with whom I share a first name, stating that she felt things were moving too fast, and she didn’t know if she wanted anything serious because she was moving away. I don’t think I had ever felt worse pain. My world was crashing down around me. I realize we were taking time apart from each other, but he constantly insisted he was not dating anyone else. When I got the courage to confront him (although not how I knew) he denied it. He refused to admit he knew who the girl was, and once again made me feel insane. I knew he was lying, and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell the truth and tell him I heard the voicemail. I asked for my house key back and he said he didn’t want to give it back, that he still wanted to try to work things out, and having my key helped him “stay strong.” I idiotically believed he kept the key because still loved me, and not as a manipulation tactic to keep me waiting in the wings for when he wanted to play with me again.

I did finally confess to him that I had been checking his voicemails and knew he was lying about the girl with my same name. This forced him to acknowledge she was the reason he had wanted the break. He told me the first time he saw her was while he was on a lunch date with me. He thought she was attractive and when he saw her a few days later at the grocery store he had gone up to her and asked for her number.

Finding out that he had a fling with a girl that had the same name as me, a girl he first saw WHILE ON A FUCKING DATE WITH ME, was soul crushing. And he tried to lie about it. If I hadn’t known how to check his voicemail, I would have never known about the girl. He never would have told me. When she moved away, he would have come back to me until the next one came along. Which is what he did anyway. He never did tell me exactly what happened between them. He said they made out, but I’m sure he was lying, since he lied about pretty much everything else. I can’t imagine a girl saying things were moving too fast after just making out with a guy. I certainly never have. Maybe he told the truth, but probably not. It’s just the sheer audacity that he fucking saw her for the first time while he was on a date with me, HIS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND.

I don’t exactly remember how long we stayed separated, but eventually we got back together. Our relationship remained tense and he stayed distant.

For Valentine’s Day in 2003 I got him a Polaroid Camera and let him take pictures of me naked. My hope in letting him do that was that maybe he would stop cheating on me, and that he would look at those pictures when he wasn’t physically with me and want me the way I wanted him. I was so, so young, and so fucking naïve.

We celebrated our 2nd anniversary in March 2003 and he bought me another diamond heart pendant. He seemed sincere when he gave it to me and told me he loved me, but everything still felt wrong.

We didn’t last much longer. I don’t remember exactly when he broke up with me but I believe it was in late April or early May of that year. I know it was around that time because it was before Bay to Breakers and he really didn’t want me to go. I remember the painful encounter of him coming to my apartment to get his things. I asked for the Polaroids back, and he did give them back, but not before telling me he didn’t need the originals anyway because he had scanned them onto his computer. I felt cheap. It was almost like an assault. He could look at me whenever he wanted, but I couldn’t look at him anymore. He had the audacity to say he hoped we could remain friends. What the fuck? This man was breaking me and wanted to be my friend? Was he stupid? He looked over his things and asked where an afghan was that I had crocheted for him. I told him I was keeping it because I didn’t think he would want it. He never even bothered to take it home, probably so his mother wouldn’t ask where it came from. Why did he want it now? He said he really liked the blanket, and I had made it for him, so he would like to take it. I gave in and got it out of my closet and let him take it. I’m sure it ended up in the trash.

Once he told me about giving a ride home from a party to a girl who lived a block away from him and he even showed me where she lived. One night very soon after he left me, I had this feeling that he was with her. I couldn’t explain the feeling if I tried. I just knew he was with her. He never once said anything to me that suggested she was more than an acquaintance, but I felt in my gut he was with her. So at 4 in the morning, I drove by her house. His Jeep was parked out front. He had already broken up with me, so the rage that followed was unjustified, but I felt it just the same. One of my chief complaints throughout our entire relationship was that he wouldn’t spend the night at my house. Yet we’re apart for less than a month and he’s already staying the night at another girl’s house? I called him on it. I don’t remember what he said exactly. He tried to say he just crashed at her house and that nothing happened. But I’d heard that before. I continued to listen to his voicemail for a little while after we broke up. I finally admitted this to him and I asked if he would be willing to change his password so that I couldn’t anymore. He agreed. At least then I wouldn’t have proof that he was out living his life ignorant to the fact I was heartbroken, and I would no longer have the option to invade his privacy.

I was utterly and completely broken, I sobbed until I had no voice left. I refused to sleep in my apartment alone, and regularly stayed on my grandmother’s couch and had to take massive amounts of sleep aids just to get a couple hours of sleep. I barely ate, and missed so much work that I almost lost my job. I even had to move out of my apartment and back in with my grandmother, because I couldn’t afford my rent anymore due to not working. I had lost all my friends because I was so engrossed in my relationship with him and had been so consumed by jealousy that I was hard to be around. I was so alone. I began seeking relationships online with anyone who would give me attention.

I agreed to a date with someone. His profile photo seemed like he was decent looking, however, when I met him in person, I realized he looked nothing like his profile picture and I was not at all attracted to him. But he seemed nice enough, he had a job, and didn’t live with his parents. He lived with roommates, so it was a relief that at least I wasn’t being hidden from anyone. The new guy and I dated for a month or so, and I spent a lot of time at his house with him and his roommates trying to forget how depressed I was.

When I was trying to move on after the break up, The Ex saw me out late one night and decided to text me. Why couldn’t he just let me be? Every time he would contact me my heart dropped. Why did he need to know what I was up to? He left me. Then when he finds out I’m going out and actually having a good time, he decides we should meet up and have coffee or something. Then he asked me to dinner. Then we went to the movies. Then we went to dinner again. Then he came over and fucked me. Then we went to Six Flags together and he got us a hotel room where he fucked me again, and in the morning when I woke up, he was trying to use my camera phone to take a picture of my tits while I was asleep. Like, what???!!! And during those times, unbeknownst to me, he was with the girl he ended up marrying. I wonder if she ever knew he was still fucking me. I bet she didn’t.

I knew it was over for sure when we took the trip to Six Flags together. He made me feel bad the entire trip. It was in mid-August 2003 when we went and it was extremely hot. He got frustrated with me when I was tired or thirsty and commented on how he wished he had someone who could run around the park with him and not need so many breaks. That night when we were driving home I fell asleep. I remember him stopping for gas and he asked me to drive because he was tired. I was being an asshole and told him I couldn’t because I was too sleepy. That was a dick move, I should have driven the rest of the way home, and I don’t have a valid excuse for why I refused, other than trying to get back at him for being such an ass to me all day. When we finally got back home he gave me a kiss on the forehead and said he would call me later. He didn’t. That trip was the last time I ever saw him in person. We continued to chat online, every ounce of me hoping he’d come back. But I soon learned he had been seeing someone else for several months, and he told me the reason he had agreed to the Six Flags trip was to see if he still had feelings for me, or if he wanted to be with the new girl.

He was beautiful. He is still beautiful. I see a picture of him online and still get breathless remembering when he looked at me with those amazing green eyes, when we would make eye contact while we were making love. I get breathless, and sick, and dizzy remembering those same green eyes when I no longer saw one single shred of emotion in them.

I will never as long as I live understand why. I was 18 fucking years old. He was a grown man. Did he really have no idea that I could fall in love with him as hard as I did? I feel like I let him ruin me. I just sat back and let it happen. I never stood up for myself, I just accepted all his criticisms and took the blame for all of it.

I’m not pretending I’m a total victim. I was just as toxic as he was. I was very young and naïve and my jealousy got the best of me. Checking his voicemails was borderline psychotic, but I didn’t know how else to get the truth. He wouldn’t introduce me to his family, his friends didn’t like me, no one was on my side. I could feel in my very core that he was lying to me and he denied it every step of the way. But you know what? I was fucking right. Always trust your gut. At least he taught me that much.

I’ve never been an easy person to love and I’m very aware of that fact. I knew in my gut that he would only be mine temporarily and that drove me to the brink of madness. He frequently let me know he was not serious about a commitment with me. He’d make comments he thought were funny, saying things like I’d make a good first wife. I laughed on the outside, but it broke my heart whenever he said those things. I wish I would have really listened to him. I guess he was being honest, and trying to tell me the truth all a long and I just didn’t get it.

I truly don’t remember him ever apologizing or accepting any responsibility in our break up – correction - his - break up. I remember him placing it all squarely on me. I was too jealous, too clingy, too insecure, not confident enough, too introverted, not spontaneous enough, not energetic enough. But instead of trying to help me through those issues, he left me. And that would have been fine, if he had just made a clean break, cut off all contact, but he didn’t. He strung me along for MONTHS. Didn’t tell me when he got engaged, I didn’t even know he was getting married, yet he was still offering me his “services.” What. The. Actual. Fuck???

After I had been dating my, now husband, for about 8 or 9 months, and he and I had been living together for a bit, I stupidly confessed to the Ex that I had not yet been intimate with my new partner, and I was a little sexually frustrated. That’s when the Ex offered his “services” to me. I asked about his girlfriend and his reply was that she wasn’t the boss of him, and said that besides, I was way sexier than her, but she was really smart. What kind of bullshit statement was that? I didn’t even realize until now he basically said I was pretty, but dumb. That was the last conversation I ever had with him. No way was I going to cheat on my partner, not with a guy who had a girlfriend and would just break me all over again. That last conversation was had on AOL Instant Messenger. I copied and pasted the entire conversation and burned it onto a CD as proof he said what he did. I’ve long since lost that CD, but when I had it, I would read that statement over and over. I thought it was a compliment at the time because he said I was sexy. That’s how fucked up in the head I am.

I knew when he talked about his then girlfriend, fiancé, wife, whatever the fuck she was, that she was too good for him. He wasn’t really happy. He complained about her crying for no reason one time. I hope she was the one who left him, but I suspect it was probably the other way around seeing as the woman he is with now appears to be a coworker.

I’m not proud to admit I looked at his social media accounts. I’m even more embarrassed that I looked at his ex-wife’s. (Clarification: I did not hack their accounts, simply viewed their public profiles) I saw the pictures she posted of him, he never looked happy. Even a photo of after the birth of their first son, he looked resentful. I realize it might have been a long labor, and they were probably exhausted, but I knew him well enough to know what resentment looked like in his eyes. He had given that very look to me numerous times. Later, when their son was a little bit older, his wife posted a picture of the baby, with Him in the background, again, looking resentful. I never once saw a photo that she posted where he looked like a loving husband or father. So if I was so “sexy” what did she have that I didn’t? Was it because she was older? Was it really because he thought I was stupid and couldn’t hold a conversation? She got to meet his family. She got to really be introduced to his friends. Looking back, maybe I was an embarrassment. I was really young. I think he just saw long blonde hair and big tits and that’s all I was good for. He probably thought of me as a kid, someone not worthy of the empty words he spoke to me, someone to pass time with until someone better came a long.

I’m also very ashamed of the fact that I still try to keep up with what he’s doing. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t know. I shouldn’t know that he got married, had 2 sons, got divorced and has been with another woman for years now. I shouldn’t know that she’s gorgeous and appears to be the type of woman he said he wanted me to be. I shouldn’t know any of that. But I do. And it fucking hurts. I don’t know how to cleanse myself of him. I have tried for 20 fucking years with no luck. I can go months without even thinking of him, but then my brain fucks everything up and I dream about him. I dream about him coming back, about him making love to me, about him kissing me, holding me, loving me. Then I wake up and re-live the heartbreak all over again like some sick fucking joke.

I wish I knew what keeps me from finally moving on. I can see clear as day, how poorly we treated each other. I can see how he manipulated and gaslit me. I was horrible too, at times. I was hurt and confused and I lashed out to get his attention any way I could. By the end I was flat out desperate to get him back. I faked being suicidal for fuck’s sake. I did that because I remember him telling me about his first girlfriend doing that to him. So I thought if it worked for her, it might work for me too. My desperate actions, especially at the end of our relationship are inexcusable. I know that now. I admit that. I admitted it even back then and apologized for it. He never has.

One thing I will never understand, and maybe this is part of the reason I can’t move on, is why he would never tell me the truth. I truly believe it would have helped me get over him. If I knew the extent of just how many times he cheated on me. How many times he lied to me. Did he ever have any real feelings for me at all? Or was he just telling me what I wanted to hear so he could keep fucking me? I really feel that he only ever saw my tits. I bought an outfit once, I felt really confident in it. It was a blue, sweater-like mock turtle neck and a pair of form fitting capri jeans. I LOVED that outfit. I loved to pair it with the gold/diamond heart pendent he had gotten me for our first anniversary. He hated that outfit and made sure I knew it. He said it “hid” everything. So on one hand, he was telling me he wanted me to be more confident, but then when I was, I did it wrong. I did almost everything wrong.

I just don’t know why he stayed for over two years. Two years may seem like such an insignificant amount of time to most people, but to someone as young as I was, it was a long time. I thought it meant he was serious about me. I stupidly believed he would marry me one day, even though his actions and even his words assured me he would not. What pleasure, other than sex, did he get from our relationship? It’s apparent that I never made him happy. Was the sex really that good? Did my body turn him on that much? Was it because I was so desperate and willing to wait for him? Was it so he knew he was never truly alone? That he always had someone to call when he was lonely? I just can’t figure it out. And I’m afraid that until I have the answers to these questions, I’m doomed to repeat this fucking cycle until the day I die.

Two of the most heartbreaking years of my life. I know, I know, I’m being dramatic. Probably too much so. But this is me, this is how I really feel on the inside. I’ve never been able to really vent to anyone. I’m too ashamed to admit all of this to another person. How fucked up am I that I still have feelings for someone I dated for a very short amount of time 20 years ago?

I’m not sure any amount of therapy will ever be able to fix me. What I need is answers. Answers I’ll never get. That time period did not mean to him what it meant to me. His memories of me are gone by now. For him, I’m a shadow in a dust covered corner of his mind. I’d really like to know the last time I actually crossed his mind. Was it a good thought? A bad thought? Was he telling someone how crazy I was? How insecure and jealous and immature I acted? Has he ever said anything nice about me to anyone? I doubt it. I’m sure after our last conversation on AOL 17 years ago he never really thought about me again. He finally got rid of me. But how do I get rid of him?

I realize how pathetic I am. I really do. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling these feelings. Believe me, if I could turn them off, I would in a heartbeat. I may also seem to be overly exaggerating my feelings for him, but I can assure you, I am not. I’ve had other relationships, I’ve known other love, nothing ever compared to the love I feel toward him. I also know that I’m the one who broke my own heart, by not being stronger, more mature.

I really don’t intend to make him seem like a monster. I’m sure that whoever he is with now has a better version of him. At least for her sake, I hope she does. I need to come to terms with the fact that he was never mine, we weren’t good together. He never loved me. Marriage, family, and kids were not our future together. Why he made me believe he loved me is beyond me. One of my life’s greatest mysteries. And I will spend the rest of my years wondering why. I’m sure it was just as horrible for him as it was for me if I’m being honest. I’m sure he saw all my flaws and was genuinely upset by them. I know he was frustrated. But my real question is, why stay? Both of us are to blame for that one. I wish I would have been mature enough to realize that our relationship was toxic and borderline abusive, I wish that he had been honest enough to admit to the damage he was inflicting upon me at such a young age. I wish that it had been me. I wish that it had been us. Too many wishes and no genie.

If I could change one thing about my life, it would be him. As long as I knew it wouldn’t alter any other thing in my life as it is now, other than the pain I feel, I would go back in time and miss that damn party. I would never have met him. To him, I would have just been the girl with the long blonde hair that drove the bright red Buick, but to me, he would be nothing. I would have been his “what if.” The roles reversed.

#heartbreak #second love #short story #sad ending #heartbroken #why can’t i move on #why can’t it be me #please find this #please find me #please give me answers #why am i so stupid #why am i like this #shortstack

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heliosthegriffin · 4 years ago

Text

Option Three

Jaune looks at his scroll.

‘Ruby- Come to my room, I got something to ask you. I got donuts.’

Then knocks at Team RWBYs dorm.

Ruby: Come in!

Jaune walks into the dorm, it was the same his and the rest of team APLN.

Jaune see’s Ruby and Blake are sitting at a table staring darkly at each other..

There is no chair for Jaune though so he stand in front of the table.

Ruby makes a pyramid out of her hands.

Ruby: So glad you could join us today.

Blake: Quite glad.

Jaune looks at them.

Jaune: Ok, what’s up? Where’s Weiss and Yang?

Jaune to himself: The letter told me there would be donuts, should I bring up before or after we’re done. I don’t see any donuts in here though.

Blake and Ruby look at each other seriously.

Ruby shrugs and breaks eye contact from Jaune: Um, they’re around.

Blake nods: They’re here, just not in plain sight. We were wondering if you could help decide the answer to a question we have.

Ruby: A very important question.

They both look at Jaune dead in the eyes.

Ruby/Blake: Whose harem are you going to join?

Jaune stunned: Um, what?

Blake sighs and Ruby shakes her head.

Ruby: Buddy, I knew you were dense, but this is a whole new level!

Blake: Jaune, please be serious right now, this matter will shape the future of the world!

Jaune confused: What? I don’t get it, when did you two have harems, and furthermore, why would I want to join?

Ruby starts laughing: From the very beginning my dear boy! From the very beginning!

Jaune scrunches his face in confusion.

Blake: I admit it, I started out small, It began when Ilia realized she liked carpet and Adam suddenly wanted to pound tuna. But, then it really started to grow when I got to Beacon and met Yang and Sun. They both quickly swore to my Booty. Unfortunately, we pegged Adam too hard and he is intensive booty reconstruction hospital. So, I’m currently down a member and need a new one.

Blake said to Jaune smugly, looking at him like a piece of meat.

Jaune looks at her in confusion: I don’t even know who any of them are, besides Sun. What is that supposed to mean to me?

Blake chuckles: Oh, don’t you worry you’re adorable himbo skull, just listen I already have two blondes and brunette, so what do you say Jaune want to be my third?

Ruby interjects: Not so fast sister!

Blake: You’re sister in supporting my booty.

Blake said glancing down to beneath her.

Jaune looks over the table and see Blake using Yang as a chair... And Ruby using Weiss as one too. Weiss and Yang are red-faced but clearly enjoying themselves.

Jaune sighs and looks at Ruby tiredly.

Jaune: Alright, what do you have to say.

Ruby looks at him cheerfully.

Ruby: I’m glad you asked, bestie soon to be my restie. I was at one time just a modesty young woman with even modestier dreams. Then I met Weiss, who I quickly showed who should be leader, then Penny, who I gave friendship and a heart too, and then Oscar, who I peg to show dominance over. I never thought I’d be in my position today, but here I am. So what do say Jaune? To be honest I’ve always considered you to be an unofficial member of my harem, why not make it official?

Jaune squints his eyes at Ruby and Blake.

Jaune to himself again: What’s their game? I’m starting to think they’re won’t be any donuts.

???: NOT SO FAST! THAT FUCKBOI HASN’T ANSWERED YET!

Robyn Hill and the Happy Huntress emerge from the ventilation shaft.

Fiona falls out all fours and Robyn takes a seat at the table with May and Joanna flanking her.

Robyn: So you two, sneaky bitches though you could pull a power-move? Just because you two nearly have four doesn’t mean you can poach the local fuck boi population!

Robyn yells and slams down her hands on the table.

Blake and Ruby look at each other, then nod snapping their fingers as Sun and Ilia jump through a window and flank Blake, while Penny breaking through the roof with Oscar in her arms.

Blake narrows her eyes: Robyn Hill, so you were spying on us!

Robyn growls: For good reason you traitorous bitches! I thought you were a harem lord like me! But, you two are merely power hungry, Harem Conquers!

Ruby waves a finger at Robyn: Like you’re any different, why else would you be here. Rather than calling the Harem Leader’s Conclave in order to stop us, admitted it, you hypocrite! You’re just here for that piece of man, like the rest of us!

Ruby points at Jaune whose talking with Sun and eating donuts.

Jaune eating a banana cream donut: I have no idea what going on. I just came for some breakfast.

Sun: Me neither, but Blake put this collar on my tail and say I’m her property, so I was like ‘Ok, I guess I’m your’s now.’ It’s alright, I like Blake, but I miss my team though, But Blake says If everything goes according to Keikaiku-cake, what ever that is, she says my team will be her property too and they can stay with us. Oh, and I dig the new do by the way.

Jaune blushes: Thanks, I haven’t gotten too many opinions on it and I was feeling nervous about, I thought Nora was just being nice.

Robyn slams here hands on her table: So what, if I am?! Maybe I’m just here to protect the local himbo and keep him in his natural habitat!

Blake looks at Robyn scornfully: And where might his natural habitat be, inbetween you’re legs!? Or bending you in half!? Be honest to us Robyn, you’re just here to get the fourth to your harem in order to take our own, jealous we have been close time before, and are this close to greatness!

Robyn: You put your would be fourth into intensive booty care, and Oscar doesn’t count as two, it’d be weird if Ozpin stared popping out.

Ruby filing her nails: That’s why I peg him to assert by dominance over him, and in case Ozpin tries to get fresh with me.

Robyn: Regardless, I point your argumant back you Blake and Ruby, you’re trying to attain a Fourth Member in order to assert dominance over the other harems and absorb them into your own! That is why you’re making a power grab over the himbo!

Blake and Ruby say nothing.

Robyn: Your silence is telling.

Ruby and Blake both start to slow clap.

Ruby: Well, well, well, you figured it out. The one with the largest harem has the most power.

Blake: Our schemes are known to her now.

Robyn: What you’re doing would be going against the charter, you cannot forcefully make a himbo enter your harem, he must come on his own will! And you cannot have more than three, it would upset the natural balance. Only if the himbo choose you naturally, can you become a Harem Over-Lord! You twos attempts to become artificial Harem Over-Lords will be recorded and marked against you at the next Harem Leader’s Conclave.

Blake and Ruby look down mournfully.

Blake: Was it so much to ask to see Jaune and Sun get it on while Ilia is between my legs and I play with Yang’s tits?

Ruby: I just wanted my besties all in one place, seeing Jaune rail Oscar into the ground while Penny vibrates her hands inbetween Weiss and I!

Robyn: Your selfishness would have been your undoing, come let the Himbo go.

Jaune walks up eating a donut, Sun hanging off his back like a monkey.

Jaune: Still have no Idea whats going on, where are my donuts? I want more.

Robyn in her nicest voice: Don’t you see you poor Himbo, they were just trying to manipulate you into their harems to achieve ultimate power.

Jaune raises an eyebrow: Why would I want to join one, when I already have my own?

The three harem lord look at him stunned.

Ruby: Bullshit! I’ve never seen you at the meetings!

Blake: You aren’t even registered!

Robyn: You think just because you’re the local fuck boy, it makes you have a harem? Ha, what a joke!

Jaune rolls his eyes and whistles sharply.

Nora and Ren appear behind him, followed by Marrow, Cinder, Willow, Kali, Raven, then the thristy moms, and then finally Pyrrha in a new android body.

Jaune: I don’t need a piece of paper to tell me I have game. You have a week to submit to your new Overlord.

With that Jaune left followed by his harem, leaving the stunned lords in his wake.

Blake: He took Sun with him.

Ruby: He took Oscar with him.

Fiona raising up from the ground: He took Robyn!

AN: Don’t ask me, I don’t know either, the original idea was deciding who geets to be the main character by who had the biggest harem, so they decided to recruit Jaune only for him to play the reverse Uno card.

#Jaune Arc Crack #Jaune Arc #Ruby Rose #Weiss Schnee #Blake Belladonna #Yang Xiao-Long #Robyn Hill #My madness grows once again.

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theclockworkmonk · 3 years ago

Text

Out of the Mouths of Babes — Chapter 4

Read on AO3

Read on FFNet

Chapter 1 on Tumblr

Chapter 2 on Tumblr

Chapter 3 on Tumblr

Written for Hinny Ficfest 2021

Prompt: “Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don’t know what he means,” Teddy said.

*******

Ginny had disappeared, dragged through the kitchen door, before Harry could come up with an excuse to keep her by his side. He sighed and took a long gulp from his glass of firewhiskey, welcoming the burning sensation down his throat. Whatever his family was so wound up about, Harry knew he wasn't in danger here, so he hoped the drink would dull his overactive auror instincts so he could enjoy the evening.

"So...how's the shop?" asked Harry, choosing to focus on George, "any accidental new body parts I can't see?"

"Harry, I'll have you know that we ascribe to only the highest of safety standards at Weasley Wizard Wheezes," said George with his nose in the air, "We strictly adhere to a dual-fault system to make sure a trained wizard is on-site to intervene in case of emergency."

"By that he means that he doesn't try any weird shit on himself without me there to rush him to St. Mungo's," said Ron with his mouth full, wincing as his mother smacked him in the back of the head with a wooden spoon for his language.

Harry's eyes narrowed at his best friend. "So you two are already partners now? Really wasting no time on bailing on me, aren't you?"

"Don't be a prat!" grumbled Ron. "No, like I said, it was just a thought that I had. You know, the kind of thought you would hope you could share with your best mate without him jumping down your throat?"

"Well I think it's a marvelous idea," Mrs. Weasley announced loudly from her place at the stove."

George's eyebrows shot up. "Who are you and what have you done with my mother? You're glad that another one of your sons is considering wasting his life at this silly business, instead of a respectable job at the Ministry?"

"Well, if said Ministry job involves chasing after Death Eaters every day," huffed Mrs. Weasley, "Then I suppose my nerves will take any alternative."

She sent a stern look towards Harry and pointed a threatening spoon at him, making him jump back. "You could do well to learn from Ron in that regard, Harry."

Ron was grinning ear to ear, bouncing in his seat from being the favorite child of the moment.

"There's nothing wrong with Ron doing the responsible thing." she lowered her voice to a grumble so Harry barely heard, "at least someone is."

Harry surveyed the tense atmosphere in the room again.

"Okay, what's got everyone in such a mood?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"No one's in a mood!" said Mrs. Weasley quickly.

"Harry," Mr. Weasley spoke up for the first time, and his voice too was less assuring than Harry usually found it. "I'm having trouble with a fascinating new muggle device I've discovered, would you mind giving me a hand out in the shed?"

"Oh. Sure," said Harry easily. Mr. Weasley got up from the table and led Harry outside. They entered the man's infamous tool shed, and Harry noticed new mechanical and electronic devices in various states of disassembly. Mr. Weasley gestured to his work table, where a VCR sat.

"I've heard that muggles use this to see recorded images, like a pensieve, but I've put in those black blocks, and nothing happens."

"Oh, well," said Harry, trying not to laugh, "You need to attach it to a television. It can't just work on its—"

He was interrupted by the door opening again, and Harry was surprised to see Mrs. Weasley entering the shed which he always knew her to avoid, wanting nothing to do with her husband's "nonsense" tinkering.

"Molly, what are you doing here?" Mr. Weasley asked crossly, "We agreed we wouldn't. The boys—"

"I told them I was getting apples from the orchard," his wife said dismissively. She crossed the shed and looked beseechingly at a very surprised Harry.

"Harry, dear, you know how we think of you as a part of this family. We've been wanting to say….we hope that you don't think that has changed because of you and Ginny's relationship. We know young men have trepidation about 'the girlfriend's parents,' but you're not just our daughter's boyfriend to us, you're one of our own."

Harry was as touched as he was confused. "Th-Thank you, Mrs. Weasley," he said softly. "I can't tell you how much that means to me."

"And one reason we had no objection to you and Ginny dating," Mr. Weasley continued, "is that we trust you to always do right by Ginny. To always do what's best for her."

Harry looked back and forth between them, their expressions pointed and expecting.

"Well — ehem — I'll remember that. I promise to never do anything to hurt her." He meant it.

There was another moment of silence before Mrs. Weasley spoke up again.

"Sooooo…." she prompted. "We just want you to be aware that….should you decide to propose…you wouldn't have to worry—"

"What!?" Harry's heart leapt into his throat and he knew his face had turned scarlet. "Oh, no no," he said, putting his hands up. "I'm glad to have your blessing, but we're not ready to think about that yet."

Harry rubbed his neck nervously. It was only a half-lie. In truth, Harry was ready to think about that. He thought about proposing to Ginny damn near every day, in fact. But he was fairly certain that Ginny was still years away from being ready. She was fiercely proud of her independence and she was still dealing with the papers referring to her as "Harry Potter's girlfriend" before "star Harpies Chaser," even without marriage.

Mr. Weasley sighed in what seemed like disappointment and Mrs. Weasley's mouth thinned and her expression turned sour.

"Well...the roast should be done, we should all head back inside."

The Weasleys led the way out of the shed and Harry cautiously followed them. When they arrived back in the kitchen, Harry saw Bill shoot his father a stern, questioning look, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Mr. Weasley shake his head grimly, and Bill and Charlie gave Harry a glare that would make Mad-Eye Moody quake in his boots.

Harry froze and all the breath left his body. It suddenly all made sense. He was the thing that the Weasleys were so on edge about. Ginny's parents inquiring about him marrying her.

They had somehow found out that he and Ginny were living together.

Harry suddenly felt like a sheep in a cage with several wolves.

"Hey mum," said Charlie, "while you were outside, Aunt Muriel floo-called and said that the gnomes are in her attic again. Apparently she's upset at the way dad tried to take care of it last time."

"Is she sure it's actually the gnomes, or is it the doxies nesting in her hair?" Mr. Weasley grumbled as his wife shooed him into their sitting room and through their fireplace. Harry's heart was thudding in his chest as the few Weasleys he could count on to not murder him due to this secret getting out abandoned him with the curse breaker, dragon tamer, master prankster, and Ministry power-broker.

Several murderous eyes turned towards Harry.

"Look...er…" Harry stammered. "I really thought that, after everything, we had all moved past the whole 'overprotective big brothers' routine."

"Yeah, we thought we had too," said Charlie darkly, "but mum and dad's diplomatic approach clearly didn't work, so the gloves are off. I guess we never figured that the savior of the bloody wizarding world would do this to our sister."

George snorted, still finding this whole thing quite amusing. "Sorry, do this to her? Harry's the real victim here. Ginny's a nightmare already, can you imagine what living with her will be like now?"

"What the hell are you lot talking about?" Ron cut in, looking around the room in confusion.

"I think your brothers have become aware of me and Ginny's...status change," said Harry.

"Oh, that is just so typical!" huffed Hermione, crossing her arms and adopting her lecturing pose. "Ginny is perfectly capable of handling her own life and she doesn't need a bunch of chest-beating men to defend an outdated notion of her 'honour!' I still can't believe how sexist magical society can be sometimes."

"Yes, Hermione, our world is sexist, whether we like it or not" said Bill, not backing down. "You can pontificate all you want about how it's not right, or a double standard, but once the public finds out about this — and sooner or later, they will," he shot another glare at Harry, as if he wrote to the papers about it himself, "then it will change how people see her. And since she's a Quidditch star, the way people see her matters."

"Yup, can see the headlines now," George sighed dramatically, "the ambitious social climber Ginevra Weasley, raised in a pauper's home, so she used her feminine wiles to land herself this sweet gig."

"Look, ultimately, it's none of our business — no, I'm serious!" Ron finished in response to his brothers' looks of betrayal. "Look, Bill, Charlie, you two were only around when Ginny was a little girl. You didn't go to school with her. You never saw first-hand what happens when you try to meddle in her life to defend her virtue, trust me." He shivered a bit, as he remembered the traumatic memory.

"I don't even understand why we have to meddle," said Percy, "I just don't understand your logic, Harry. There's no question you would be willing to throw yourself into mortal danger all over again to protect Ginny. What you're hesitating to do is comparatively easy."

"His reasons don't matter, he should have thought of that earlier," said Charlie, pointing a threatening finger at Harry. "I don't care if this makes me a hypocrite, but you're going to do the right thing and—"

Ginny suddenly burst into the room, causing every word to fall silent. Harry knew that Ginny always hated it when people were obviously talking about her, but as he started towards her, he was surprised when he saw that her eyes were watery with tears. Ignoring all of the eyes on her, she ran straight towards Hermione, throwing her arms around her friend.

"Erm, is something wrong?" asked Hermione. She threw a questioning look to Fleur as she followed Ginny into the kitchen, but the young mother looked just as confused as anyone as she took Victoire back from Bill.

Instead of answering Hermione's question, Ginny withdrew from the hug and smacked Ron upside the head.

"Ah! What the shit!" Ron cried, rubbing the back of his head.

"Ronald, language!" scolded Mrs. Weasley, re-entering the kitchen along with her husband, making the room quite crowded.

"That's your main concern?" asked Ron, "Not the unwarranted physical assault?"

"It's not unwarranted, it's for being a stupid, forgetful git!" barked Ginny

She walked up to Harry and took his glass of firewhiskey, still mostly intact.

"I need this more than you," she informed him, and began to raise the glass to her lips.

"GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY!"

Mrs. Weasley's ear-piercing shriek caused everyone in the room to wince, and Ginny momentarily jumped behind Harry for protection. "Merlin's balls, WHAT!?"

"Molly…" Mr. Weasley cautioned.

"DO NOT 'MOLLY' ME, ARTHUR!" his wife shouted back. She had a crazed look in her eye and she was pulling at her hair. She rounded on Harry and Ginny.

"We have tried to be respectful, but you two are clearly not ready for this kind of responsibility! I am so disappointed in you both for not taking this more seriously! You haven't even given a thought to how this will affect your careers!"

"Our careers?" asked Harry, confused. "How would that possibly—"

Suddenly, everything clicked into place. He had gotten it completely wrong about what the Weasleys were talking about. The talk about responsibility, their careers, affects to Ginny's public image.

Somehow, the family had gotten word about the "honour" bestowed upon Harry by the Wizengamot, and all the implications that had for his and Ginny's future together. He supposed it wasn't too surprising that Arthur or Percy had heard about it through their Ministry connections.

He looked sideways at Ginny, and from one look he knew that she had come to the same realization. Both their faces split into wide grins as relief flooded through them that all of this drama was over something so silly. Apparently, the family somehow had the absurd idea that Harry would keep the title and actually take the status, power, and responsibilities being offered to him.

Harry and Ginny cracked up into delirious laughter, leaning on each other for support, which did nothing to help the livid look on Mrs. Weasley's face.

"Oh Merlin's beard, is that what has you all concerned? Don't worry about that," laughed Harry, waving one hand dismissively and wrapping the other around Ginny's shoulder.

"I mean, come on, we're obviously not keeping it!"

There was a moment of silence, then the entire kitchen exploded.

#hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #hinny #romione #hinny ficfest #hinny fanfic #hinny fanfiction #ao3 link #harry potter #hp #harry x ginny #ron x hermione #ginny weasley #weasley family #farce #comedy #ron weasley #hermione granger

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kentrix11 · 4 years ago

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I feel like the Maria Nearl event has a “Something that becomes bigger than the sum of it’s parts” thematic to it.

In the event Czarny refers to the country they have built as a symbol of the progress their people have made, goes on to talk about how he considers “good people” those that simply work, don’t commit crimes and also mentions that the major is the thing that keeps everything going thus he considers any threat to it as a threat to the business/status quo and evil.

Then we get Sonna’s perspective as an infected, how they are made to fight their fellow infected to the death to even have the right to be threated as people and be allowed to participate in the arena at all or as they puts it

“Just throw them into the machine. They will become one more symbol of our progress”

People suffer thanks to this “machine of progress” that only favors those at the top while it viciously consumes and throws away people below them for the sake of keeping this twisted status quo, not just infected people, thanks to Mlynar and Markowitz we see how the lower end of the working class is threated, even been as overworked as he is Mlynar still has to constantly sell things from his house just to get by and he also mentions pretty mess up taxes for villages, so the poor get treated like trash in general.

The country is at odds with itself, like a malfunctioning machine, the higher parts try to keep the lower ones calm from all the atrocities they make to keep their power.

What I consider interesting from a story standpoint, is Sonna’s specific analogy of the major and the country being a “machine” and our dear protagonist Maria being a mechanic that decided to enter the major for her own sake and that of her family, also being a knight that tries to follow the footsteps of the “Radiant Knight” someone with a with such passion that she could make people tremble and represented such a threat to the higher ups that they publicly bended the rules to kick her out.

All of this comes together in an interesting way.

Mlynar mentions that Margaret couldn’t change anything but the fact that the higher ups felt threatened enough to inmediatly take back their “infected will be allowed in the major“ for Margaret alone shows that they felt threatened by her.

This is due to multiple reasons:

First her being an infected would mean that people’s public opinion of the infected would be much better overtime thanks to her popularity, potentially leading to people being more in favor for the rights of the infected.

Second she is very explicitly against everything the commercialization of the competition of knights stands for and never bended her knee to any corporation, sticking to her ideals allowed her to directly oppose corporations while still playing their game.

The delicious part of this is that Margaret managed to acquire status, glory and power, all thanks to the system the people she was trying to overturn set up, all simply because the people at the top are greedy, so they wanted to use her to make profit, even if it gave her a chance to screw them over and that is one of the biggest weaknesses capitalists have.

This corporations, while faceless, are also directed by tremendously greedy and amoral people, which in turn means that any group they make will always have the risk of any of their members backstabbing each other for the sake of profit.

The 3 particular traits that motivate them are greed, arrogance and malice and they are also the 3 aspects that leave them full of openings, a poison that is also their blood.

Maria manages to get through the arena thanks to this traits, but also because every part of herself is firing on all cilinders at all times and thanks to this she manages to do what Margaret did but in the opposite manner, not through overwhelming strenght but relentless perseverance and using absolutely every tool at her disposal in a desperate struggle.

In her first fight the corporations’ greed gives her an opening against someone vastly stronger, in the second they are arrogant and send someone that isn’t strong enough against her, in the third one they send someone so arrogant that she wins a fight that should have been impossible and she even develops a new fighting style, finally in her fourth fight their maliciousness leads to them exposing their worse side thus pissing off Margaret enough to break every rule and make a grand return to save her sister.

The contrast created is one where the side of corporations keep making missteps. working against themselves in one way or another, pretty much creating threats against themselves and letting them grow beyond the point were they could have been easily dealt with.

Also funnily enough Maria, while opposing the status quo, also adheres to every other standard spokesman Czarny sets up for a good person, her being a diligent knight that never breaks the rules or does wrongdoings, whereas Czarny keeps breaking rules and does stuff like killing the father of a little kid on the kid’s birthday then using his last words to Platinum to tell her to kill that child.

Maria's side pretty much pull off miracle after miracle by giving it their all at all times(Except for that bit with Zofia wanting to get Maria out of the fight but she comes back around after a bit) and ultimately their efforts are what set up the return of the Radiant Knight.

Now that she is back there’s a real chance of change for Kazimierz as a whole, not because she is strong enough to destroy the higher up but because between her and Maria they can inspire people to move society to make a change for the better, making everyone come together for that sake.

So the story shows you a malfunctioning machine of country directed by a bunch of extremely capitalist people that are evil even by their own standards being driven into a corner thanks to the failings that got them their positions and the efforts of a mechanic girl doing her damndest to make things around her at least a little bit better while sticking to her ideals.

Or at least that’s how I guess it’s gonna go, the end of the event still isn’t out and I’m dying to see it so I wrote all of this, for all I know Nearl could just break into the office of those capitalist fucks and break their skulls with her mace, that would be funny too.

This was a nice rant to go on about.

#arknights #I talk a lot #like A LOT

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pynkhues · 4 years ago

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. Hi, tbh Im feeling kinda sad lol That ep for me just didn't really give me closure I guess. I feel like the introduction of Nick's character was really just more to serve Beth's storyline than Rio. As we seen from these flashbacks Nick and Rio have such a toxic relationship. Nick Is an abuser!! He had such a hold on Rio for so long. I don't like the implication that Rio only decided that Nick has to go because of Beth it also doesnt make sense . It would have been more satisfying if Rio was the one working towards the entire szn to take Nick down.

Also wish i could have enjoyed the bench scene. I couldn't really because Anne and Ruby were suffering. Not that I want to see any of the girls suffer but I feel like every ch this szn suffered but Beth . She really never faced any consequences. Sure yes she got shot but compared to other injuries shown in the show.(Turner, Rio of course, Ruby etc) I say it wasn't that bad. They rly glossed over it pretty quickly . Now shes in such a power position and has Rio working for her!! Which full circle but this feels off . I guess what I'm saying is that none of what happened felt earned if that makes sense? IMO it all felt very rushed. . Sorry if this comes off negative n sry for how long this is lol. Would love to hear from your perspective?

Hi! I’m sorry you feel sad about it, anon, and I’m sorry that you don’t feel like it gave you closure! I get that – series finale’s are challenging at the best of times, but especially when show’s don’t realise they’re the finale, much like Good Girls didn’t with this season.

You’ve asked a few questions here, so I’m going to break it down into two sections, the first being Rio, Beth and Nick, and the second being that Beth didn’t suffer any consequences, and look, I’m going to prep you early! While I agree with a lot of your minor points, I don’t really agree with either of your major ones. I can absolutely see your standpoint on the first, which I’ll come to shortly; but I’m genuinely baffled at this point by anyone thinking that Beth hasn’t suffered any real consequence across the course of this show. In fact, I’d argue that she’s the character who has suffered the most consequences, and quite frankly, I’m exhausted by the hunger to see her punished.

I’ll come to that point too though.

Okay, let’s start with Nick.

Nick is abusive! I agree with that absolutely. I think he’s a toxic person who has manipulated Rio and positioned him where he wants him for a lot of their lives, but I disagree that Rio necessarily wanted out of that. What we saw of their relationship in s4 was that it was symbiotic. They function in a relationship which is mutually beneficial. Rio makes Nick money, Nick protects Rio and gives him broader professional networks.

Otherwise, they live separate lives, something very much established in 4.06 with the fact that Nick had no idea who Beth even was.

Rio has always seen Beth first and foremost as an avenue to opportunity. She was a pathway to a world he hadn’t had access to in s1, then one to the Boland Motors operation in s2, and free money in s3, and then as a way to greater power in s4. Yeah, his personal feelings were in play in the latter too, but Rio only entertained Beth taking down Nick when he saw it as a way of securing a better portion of Detroit himself.

He only talked to her about it when she was already running for city council, had Sweet P’s and the money laundering behind her, and was going after Nick herself.

Every character on this show is, in some way, parasitic, but especially Rio. I don’t even mean that in a bad way! He’s a smart guy who knows what works, knows what’ll run, and he attaches himself to that. He’s been that way since he saw a use for the girls in sending them over the border in 1.03. This is a huge part of the character he is, and him balancing his affection for Beth and his strained relationship with Nick doesn’t – and shouldn’t – change that. So why would he exit out of a beneficial relationship with Nick before he had an alternative?

God, in some ways, it’s probably easier for Rio to have a bad relationship with the person feeding that need for him, because there’s less of an attachment.

I think that the shifting power dynamics between Rio, Nick and Beth were really pivotal to that arc overall and that Rio saw advantage in the same breath that he realised his own weaknesses, and I think the arc let Beth reconnect with Rio in a meaningful way while letting her redistribute her hunger for power in a way that ultimately allowed her to see Rio as a co-captain instead of the lifeboat she’s always hadto see him as because of her circumstances.

Nick was a tool that let the power between them rebalance itself, and gave them both the chance to move forwards as equals, and I think that was felt in both their arcs, not just in Beth’s or just in Rio’s.

Beth has faced no consequences

Oh, anon. I know you don’t mean it this way, but this is something that infuriates me on so many levels.

Beth has, over the course of the season, lost everything.

She lost her parents before the series even began, her house in the pilot, her marriage and financial security at multiple points, the entire contents of her house in season 3, her children in season 2, and her relationship with her chosen family, Ruby, in s2 and s4. She’s been pursued aggressively by the FBI and the Secret Service, turned herself in and was arrested by the FBI, she’s been shot, she’s been cheated on by her husband, betrayed by her husband, set up, kidnapped, blackmailed and threatened by Rio, and strongarmed into a date with Fitzpatrick. She’s had a friend murdered, been chewed out by her best friend’s husband, and now, had her sister arrested for a crime neither of them commit, but a man tried to get her to take the blame for.

What else would you like to see her lose?

How else would you like her to face consequences?

How else do you think she should suffer?

And why do you think she should suffer more than she already has?

Because if you don’t think she’s paid her dues at this point, I don’t know what to tell you anymore beyond the fact that this makes me very, very sad.

#gg 4.16 #beth boland #rio #beth x rio #nbc good girls #welcome to my ama #gg spoilers

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clarste · 4 years ago

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Since it's been a few weeks, what's your opinion on Chapter 8 of Arknights? Reading about your opinion on other pieces of Arknights has been very nice so far.

I find this enemy description inordinately amusing so I will start with this before going to spoilers below the break.

1) First of all I am a sucker for flashbacks following the villain, so the basic structure of Chapter 8 was right up my alley. Even if Talulah's arc was more or less predictable—who among us did not expect Alina to die? I think some people might feel that it was a little too long, but honestly I think it said everything it needed to say and frankly there is nothing more important the chapter could have said. If anything, the parts that weren't about Talulah would be first on my chopping list if I were editing this story down. In particular, the whole bit with Kal'tsit and the sarcophagus and all that had almost nothing to do with the themes of this chapter or the Reunion arc, so they seemed especially superfluous. Even if that story might have been interesting told on its own.

2) Talulah. The main character of this chapter, obviously. I think there are two different angles to approach her from that seem almost mutually exclusive, which are that A) she is a tragic figure who started with noble ideals but was pushed to her limits until she became a ruthless shell of her former self and B) she is literally possessed by Kaschey, ie: the Deathless Black Snake, who is the immortal spirit of Imperialism manipulating the country of Ursus into a constant state of war. From what I've seen of people’s reactions, I think most people focus more on angle B, which makes sense because that is literally true in the story, but what I took from it is that it's a lot more ambiguous than that.

What I mean is that the story is constantly emphasizing that the Deathless Black Snake can only take action as long as Talulah agrees with it. It's more insidious than just an external ghost taking control of her (and thereby freeing her of responsibility for her actions), it's a philosophy that was planted in her by her mentor, a way of thinking, an idea. A living meme. So when I say that it's the immortal spirit of imperialism, I don't mean that as a joke, it is the embodiment of imperialism itself, of imperialist ideals and goals, manifested in this particular person the moment she starts seeing her enemies as obstacles to be eliminated instead of people with their own motivations. I certainly don't think that the trigger for the transformation was set arbitrarily, that's just Who She Needed To Be in order to buy into the ideas that Kaschey and the Snake had taught her from a young age. It’s also an ancient god taking physical control over her, but hey, it's fantasy.

Ultimately, we didn't defeat the Deathless Black Snake in battle, we just gave Talulah second thoughts. And she will live with what she's done for the rest of her life.

3) Amiya. In this chapter, more than anywhere else, it's clear that Amiya is the main character of Arknights. Sure, we have whatever Kal'tsit is plotting, and whatever the hell the Doctor is, but that doesn't actually matter. In fact, they spent this entire chapter walking around in the basement and never once interacting with Talulah. The Doctor shows up at the end with no idea what's going on or what happened, which is quite comical when you think about it.

By contrast, Amiya sees the big picture. Of the three people on top of the tower during the climax, only Amiya knows what both Talulah and Chen have been through, or indeed what she’s been though. What brought them all to that point. She is watching all these flashbacks right alongside us through her empathy powers. Which, as I've mentioned before, is really the best superpower in this setting: the power to see the world through someone else's eyes, and to feel the pain that drives them. And we, the players, feel what she feels. In a certain sense, she's even more of a player avatar here than even the Doctor, which I mean in the best possible way.

And of course her empathy gives her cool shounen superpowers that are suspiciously similar to Emiya Shirou, but I will allow it.

4) Chen. Chen is honestly kind of the weak link here, imo. While of course we've been following her character arc since chapter 3 and I don't mind where they've taken her, it ironically kind of felt to me like she had no personal stakes in the final battle. Which is odd since the story seemed to be hammering that it's all personal for her, what with Talulah being her long-lost sister and all that. The problem (imo) is that her close relationship with Talulah is all Told-Not-Shown, and also that Talulah is being possessed by the Deathless Black Snake, so it kind of feels like she's being left out of the loop, both in terms of knowing the facts and also emotionally.

I'm not saying she doesn't get any good lines, or that her banter with Amiya isn't cool or funny, I'm just saying that what should have been a big emotional moment at the climax of the story just sort of fell flat for me, and I was left wondering "wait, why is Chen here again?"

That said, I did enjoy her bit afterward where she's like "you need to stand fair trial for your crimes, Talulah, but in this world that discriminates against the Infected, there’s nowhere worthy of giving you one." I feel that sums up the game's stance on these things quite succinctly.

5) Rosmontis. Rosmontis had sort of an interesting arc here because it separated her from Amiya and I almost want to say that was a good thing? While I thought her relationship to Amiya was one of the most interesting things about her in the previous chapter, it almost feels like it was preventing her from forming bonds with other people and becoming a more well-rounded person? I guess what I want to say that is that Rosmontis was being coddled, sheltered, treated as a child. While some would call her a monster, Amiya was always around to say "no no no, don't listen to them, you're cute!" And while that was certainly nice of Amiya, it feels like what truly made her accept herself was almost the opposite: being accepted as a monster (or rather, a person with monstrous powers) by people used to fighting alongside monsters. Being told that she's allowed to hate the people who hurt her, and to be ruthless to her enemies. That her own emotions, both good or bad, are valid. For the first time, she felt human.

What you'll note, of course, is that these aren't exactly heroic virtues, and in fact they're kind of similar to what Amiya rejects and what got Talulah into so much trouble? Honestly I don't know if I would say Rosmontis is a good person right now, but what she is doing is thinking on her own for the first time, and deciding what's right and wrong for herself. It sounds almost malicious to put it this way, but it's like Amiya and Rhodes Island were trying to mold her into someone she's not. In some ways the opposite of what Kaschey did to Talulah.

I don't think her story is over yet, of course, but I found it an interesting direction to take. Rosmontis is on the path to find her own justice, which may or may not align with Rhodes Island's.

Also, kitty:

6) W. Back when I was doing a write-up for chapter 7, I said that maybe she would have been better off being recruitable in chapter 8 instead of 7, because it seemed a little early in her arc for that. I was wrong. She wouldn't fit in for chapter 8 either. Honestly she probably shouldn't be recruitable at all right now, not that I'm complaining as someone who uses her. Just, you know, narratively she is not at a place where she would consider joining RI, and in fact she ends the chapter pretty much going "later losers, I hope we never meet again." Which implies that the W in my squad right now is like a totally different person who is either from an alternate dimension or the future, after a lot of character development. That's not like the worst thing ever, it just seems a little weird to have her right now. W's story isn't about Reunion and never was. It's about Theresa and Babel, which as of now we are still only getting little hints of. I'd be glad to see that story when it happens, but until then W's just kind of there.

7) Themes. For some reason, this one line in this chapter really hit me. While it's not literally true, especially if you count all the former child slaves or feral children and whatnot, it does feel broadly true that most of the characters come from middle-class backgrounds. Like, your Krooses and Orchids of the world. Kal'tsit goes on to explain that this is because RI can only really recruit in cities, and that rural Infected tend to get thrown into the wilderness on their own and have no idea that RI exists.

Interestingly, this idea also sort of comes up in Talalah's side, when it's revealed that Talulah is the daughter of a duke, making her followers hesitate for a moment. While I don't recall it being explicitly spelled out, the implication was obviously that she's not "one of them" and this might be a cause for distrust. But what are "they' exactly? Clearly she is in fact Infected, she made sure of that herself. But she wasn't abandoned in the same way her followers were. She had a choice, and chose to side with the Infected. Which is honorable of her and all, but it also indicates a fundamental disconnect between them because they never had a choice. She could've used her influence to hide her oripathy and be treated like a normal person (as we saw happened with both Chen and Patriot), or used her wealth to get sent to a fancy private hospital like Rhodes Island, with the latest medical technology and treatments.

So while the story focuses on the discrimination of the Infected, it's clear here that that's not really the only thing going on. Being Infected means little to those in power, while for those without power it's just an an excuse to intrude on their lives and make sure they aren't "harboring any Infected" or whatever. Basically the story starts discussing intersectionality, which I found interesting.

8) This is a good line:

#not touhou #arknights #chapter 8 #roaring flare #if we don't pick a name for ourselves we will only ever be called the names others give us

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incorrectsmashbrosquotes · 4 years ago

Text

Super Miitopia Ultimate

During a match between MegaMan and Ridley, MegaMan runs and grabs an Assist Trophy.

MegaMan: Get ready, you mutated pterodactyl! It’s time for me to summon an ally!

He raises the item in the air, waiting for it to do the usual Assist Trophy thing.

….

Nothing happens.

RIdley: Doesn’t someone usually come out by now?

MegaMan: Give it a minute…

…Nothing happens. Again.

MegaMan: ,,,, (cries)

Ridley, shrugging: Well, when an opportunity arises. (Proceeds to attack Rock)

Later that day, the Hands decided to go the Assist Trophy Apartments to find out why they didn’t come out when they were called.

Crazy Hand: You think something happened?

Master Hand: That’s one possibility. But it’s anyone’s guess on how the connection with the Assist Trophy itself got interrupted. The items were on as requested.

Both soon arrive and open the door to find the building completely deserted.

Crazy Hand: Huh. You think we got the wrong building?

Master Hand: This is the only building they could be in. Where did they all go?

Crazy Hand, noticing something: Hey! A rectangular thing that contains assorted words joined together in sentences to convey messages!

Master Hand: You mean a letter?

Crazy Hand: No. It’s a bunch of squished up letters and spaces to separate more squished up letters, so it’s definitely what I said.

Master Hand sighs and goes over to the letter, looking it over.

Master Hand: …Hang on a second. If this note is accurate, then the only place they could be is….!

Crazy Hand: Wait, we’re doing music class now? Pick one! A letter or a note?

Elsewhere, in a distant fantasy land, a spotlight casts a shadow upon a silhouette ….

Waluigi, narrating to himself: Wah. I, Waluigi, once wished to join Smash Brothers as a fighter. However, time and time again, I was cast aside. I fell into a deep slump, and looked back at myself. Just, who is Waluigi? What are his dreams and aspirations that set him apart from the rest? And the other Assist Trophies who are not as great as Waluigi but are still decent? How much did they want to get in?

Waluigi: Soon, everything changed when Mii Gunner gave me an invitation. She said here, anyone was welcome, and they could be anything their heart desired. A simple townsperson, a king, or even a hero who goes to save the world….

Waluigi: And that sounded just like the type of thing that I needed. Now, I shall go and save the world…

Waluigi spins and strikes a pose, as the rest of the light comes on as he shows his current Job.

(Pop Star) Waluigi: And spread the name as the greatest Pop Star who ever lived!

Waluigi (Pop Star) takes center stage!!

It appears the Waluigi has gone to Miitopia in pursuit of an adventure of his own! But he isn’t alone! The other Assist Trophies have come along for the ride with some jobs of their own!

Shovel Knight (Chef): Shovel my food into your mouth! Preferably with an eating utensil!

Shovel Knight (Chef) is serving up some adventure!

Midna (Theif): Hey, that item of yours looks pretty big. Mind if I take it? Don’t worry, I’m not gonna sell it for gold. (She will.)

Midna (Thief) steals the enemies heart!

Starfy (Cleric): As the healer, I control how much HP you have. Do not mess with the white mage!

Starfy (Cleric) will hopefully choose to heal you.

Black Knight (Warrior): …Nothing changed. I still use a sword.

Skull Kid (Mage): I can’t tell if you’re mad or upset.

Black Knight (Warrior) and Skull Kid (Mage) are practically the same!

Callie (Cat): I’m Callie, nya!

Marie (Cat): And I’m Meowie…nya.

Callie and Marie: And we’re gonna make sure you Meow Fresh!

The “Cat” Sisters make a live debut!

Phosphora (Imp): Huh. I wonder if this is what it’s like to be like Midna.

Phosphora (Imp) is realizing things!

Knuckles (Scientist): I’m a sceintist of average intelligence!

Knuckles (Scientist) blew something up!

Ghirahim (Tank): Mmmm, careful now. I know how to aim this cannon of mine~. I might fire by mistake.

Ghirahim (Tank) is locked and loaded!

Shadow (Flower): ….I swear, if anyone of you take a picture of this…

Shadow shows us his Chaos Flower Power! Beware his petals!

Ashley (Princess): -Seething with rage at whoever put her in this dress-

Ashley (Princess) is real mad!

Tiki (Vampire): You…want me to bite you?

Tiki (Vampire) is bloodthirsty for battle!

Yuri Kozukata (Elf): I gained plus 5 in DEX!

Yuri (Elf) is going to get the perfect shot…with her bow and arrow!

And more of the Assist Trophy cast are here too! In Miitopia, they can be anything! Kings, royal guardsmen, and even shopkeepers. And that’s not all. Every Assist Trophy is here! And they’ll have to band together in order to defeat the Dark Lord…

Nikki is the Dark Lord?!

Super Miitopia Ultimate! Where Assistants in one world are the main cast in this one.

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ultraintrovertedgryffindor · 4 years ago

Note

Can you please do a sequel to the Thomas piece you posted?? I would love to see more of their “rekindled” (idk if that’s the right word) relationship evolve. Thanks so much!!

So, uh...I know what the doctor ordered and all, but I kinda made it real angsty cause I have no idea how to write anything other than angst so...yeah...🤡

Sorry if this was all over the place🤦🏻‍♀️

~~~~~~~~~~

Looking back on the past several months, you wondered if there was anything you could've done differently.

Maybe, if you just kept to yourself, none of this would be happening.

You and Thomas tried your best to get everyone out of the Maze, you really did. You knew there would be casualties, but you never thought it would be Chuck...or Newt.

After your memories returned, you and Thomas did everything in your power to try and convince the Gladers that you weren't the bad guys. Of course, Gally didn't take too kindly to that news; and when Teresa came up in the Box, all hell broke loose.

You had no idea how you managed to get out of that situation, but thankfully you had more than just Thomas and Teresa on your side. You escaped the Maze. You escaped W.C.K.D. You saved Minho and countless other kids that were taken. Now...you were safe, as crazy as it sounds.

A part of you wished you never got your memories back. You wished you could've just stayed in the Glade with Chuck, Newt, Alby, Ben, or even Teresa. It was hard to not blame yourself, because you were to blame. Maybe none of this would've happened if you just stayed away from Thomas.

Sure, you harbored a bit of resentment. Not just at him though, the whole situation was fucked up, and you knew that, it wasn't fair to blame it all on one person.

Seeing so many of your friends die, in part, because of you, put a strain on your relationship with Thomas. It sucked, because you all were on the run for so long that you didn't even get a chance to spend quality time with him. All you had was your memories to keep you company, which is more than anyone else could say. Which, you guessed, made you lucky.

All these memories coming back to you in an instant, remembering how Thomas was then compared to who he is now, it took some getting used to. Before the Maze, you had a very specific idea of who Thomas was, who he was to you. He was your best friend. He was your partner. He was your soulmate. So why did you start to see things so differently?

It was subtle, at first, just little things you disagreed on from time to time. Like, how you both handled conflict. Then, when Gally became a problem, you had very different ideas on how to handle him. Ultimately, that problem came to a head quickly and you had no choice but to go along with Thomas' plan.

But after escaping the Maze, you two practically disagreed with everything. Granted, looking back, you wished you had agreed on certain things. You were ashamed of yourself for how you treated the Winston situation. When he got infected, you already came to the conclusion that he was just dead weight. Obviously, Thomas had an issue with that. You were never that close to the kid, neither was Thomas, but he was still dead set on dragging him across the desert. It was only when Winston tried to kill himself is when Thomas finally broke.

You apologized to Thomas that night, but he surprised you when he said he understood where you were coming from. He knew Winston would've make it, but he was too stubborn and scared to admit it to himself. That moment was the first time you kissed him since you had gotten your memories back, and Thomas kissed you back.

You always made a strong effort to see things Thomas' way, even if he didn't notice it. But your opinions were so strong sometimes, that you'd completely ignore the pit in your gut that told you that he'd never agree, even if you made a compelling argument. It was frustrating. You knew that some of your ideas were a bit lackluster, you came from a more inconspicuous, strategic approach when it came to plans, whereas Thomas was more guns blazing. But when it came to Minho's rescue mission, both of your views came in handy.

Even now, you wondered if you had went along with Thomas' plan of attack, would Teresa still be alive? Would Newt? Obviously, you had no way of knowing. But just the thought that maybe you might've been at fault made you shut down sometimes.

You had yet another argument with Thomas, and you just couldn't handle being around him anymore. It wasn't the smartest of plans, but you snuck out of camp and wandered into the forest away from the beach. Even in the heat of your rage, you were almost positive you could find your way back again, so you didn't worry. All you tried to focus on was steadying your heartbeat, but all you could do was take an unpleasant trip down memory lane.

It probably should've worried you that it was getting dark really quick. If you were still at camp, you could probably still see the sun going down. But the forest pretty much blocked out all light, even the moon just barely peaking through the trees. But you stayed, suspended a couple feet in the air, sitting on a sturdy tree branch.

Your wrist started to itch, the annoying stinging sensation forcing you out of your state of tranquility and back into the real world. You had to physically stop yourself from huffing, rolling your eyes when you realized that he was close by.

Ever since that day in the Maze, you could always sense Thomas' presence, the ink in your skin giving off a slight burning feeling whenever he was close by. It would start off dull, barely noticeable. The feeling would intensify the closer Thomas would be in proximity until it completely stopped.

"Y/n?"

"Go away." You quickly replied harshly, not even turning around to look at him.

"You need to come back to camp, it isn't safe out here."

"Oh, like it's any safer across the ocean." You sighed.

This was the hundredth disagreement, Thomas wanted to go back to the mainland. His hero complex finding it difficult to just stay in the Safe Haven while there may be other people in need of help. Teresa seemed to finally break him from beyond the grave. He wants to find a way to replicate the cure that she gave to him before she sacrificed herself.

You thought it was stupid. You kept thinking about everyone that has been hurt, everyone that was murdered, all their friends that were experimented on by W.C.K.D. in their hopes of finding a cure. Thomas held the cure in his hand, but it's always never enough. It's like he has to put himself in danger to find a purpose in life. You were almost sure that they was no purpose, just survive.

In the Glade, you had more hope, surprisingly. Without your memories, you woke up with a tiny bit of hope, hope that the world outside the Maze would be better. But then it wasn't. You remembered how shitty the world really was, it even made you miss the Glade. It was a cage, that's for certain, but it almost seemed like you were safer there.

Sure, you were safe now. But your experiences in the Maze combined with all your memories that you had to deal with, you changed, you and Thomas both. Sometimes, it didn't really feel like you were the same people before you lost your memories. Maybe that's why you two were at odds constantly, maybe you two weren't actually soulmates. Who knows what put those tattoos on your skin, it could've been W.C.K.D. for all you knew. It was a very disheartening thought.

"Come on, Y/n. This again, seriously?" Thomas scoffed. "I thought you of all people would understand why I need to do this. If we can replicate the cure, who knows what that could mean for us? For the whole world?"

You sighed, jumping down from the tree branch and standing to face him. "Thomas, I never said we shouldn't try to make more cures. I just think it's idiotic to try and go back to that hellscape."

"It's not that I want to, we don't have the proper tools here that can make it easier to remake the serum."

"Last time we were there, all those buildings were being blown up. Most likely, it's all rubble and ash by now. There wouldn't be anything left to salvage."

"But not impossible."

"Thomas..."

"It's not impossible. Those specific buildings might be gone now, but you know how many more W.C.K.D. facility's there are. We have those coordinates."

"Those buildings are probably overrun by Cranks."

"But there still might be equipment left, and that's enough for me. We owe it to Teresa to try."

You rolled your eyes. "We don't owe her anything, Thomas. She betrayed us all, remember?"

"She saved my life. Our life. Surely, you remember that." You didn't reply. "She was like a sister to you, Y/n. Those feelings aren't just something that goes away overnight."

"It's easier when you remember she always had an agenda to begin with." You snapped, but quickly felt guilty when you saw the tears in Thomas' eyes. Your gaze softened. "Replicating the cure isn't gonna bring her back...we have to move on."

"I know...I know it won't bring her back..." Thomas whispered, slowly sitting down on this forest floor.

You sighed, kneeling down beside him. "I admire that you...want to save the world. But you shouldn't go on a suicide mission because of one person who's not even alive anymore." You said as softly as possible, the chirps of insects around you almost drowning you out.

"You think this is just about Teresa?" Thomas quickly asked, furrowing his brows.

You shrugged. "I know how hard you took her death. And yeah, it's been hard for me too. I was just so angry at her that I didn't allow myself to mourn. But I honestly think that Teresa wouldn't want you to kill yourself over this cure just for her."

Thomas let out a bitter chuckle, shaking his head. "It was never just about her. I...I couldn't save Newt. He wasn't immune, and I am. And I could've saved him if I had just listened to Teresa. So many people on this island aren't immune. Including you...if there's even the slightest chance I could make more cures in order for you to be safe...it's more than enough for me. I can't lose you too."

"Thomas..."

"I can't lose you."

You shook your head, quickly grabbing onto Thomas' hands. "Hey," You said softly, "you're not going to lose me."

"How do you know?"

"Thomas, no one here has the virus. And we're so far away from the mainland...don't you think it would be affecting people already if it could reach us here?"

Thomas stayed silent, casting his gaze to the forest floor dejectedly.

You sat closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder, but still keeping your hands on his. "Thomas, I think the worst is over now. We don't have W.C.K.D. hanging over our heads, and we're not running for our lives anymore...we shouldn't have to worry about this kind of stuff anymore."

"Sometimes it's hard to believe that we don't have to run for our lives anymore..." Thomas whispered softly.

You frowned, leaning more into Thomas. "I know...I've been feeling the same way."

Thomas brought up your wrist, kissing his tattooed name gently. "I'm sorry. I hate arguing with you."

You smiled weakly. "It's okay. I'm sorry too."

"I remember you telling me that my stubbornness will get me killed someday." He chuckled, then sighed. "You weren't wrong. I know I'm stubborn."

"Hey, it's not just you. I know I'm stubborn too."

"We make such a good pair, don't we?" He joked.

The thought about the origins of your tattoos came back into your mind, causing you to frown slightly. "Do you ever think about our tattoos?" You asked hesitantly. "Like, about how they got there in the first place?"

Thomas inhaled deeply. "Yeah. I have."

"Do you think W.C.K.D. is the one who put these here?" You asked, rubbing your thumb over Thomas' tattoo.

"I don't know...maybe. But even if they did, it doesn't matter to me. I love you, and that'll never change."

You looked up at Thomas, seeing that he was already looking at you with a small smile. You felt your face heat up when he moved a strand of your hair out of your face, his fingers lingering on your cheek. "Thomas...?"

"Hmm?"

You leaned in and placing your lips against his gently. "I love you too."

~~~~~~~~~~

yes, i'm aware this was a bit of a mess lmao. hope you enjoyed regardless

#the maze runner #the maze runner imagine #tmr thomas #thomas x reader

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feferipeixes · 4 years ago

Text

Still Alive

After Dipper learns that this whole "being a demon" thing means he's going to live forever, he and Mabel talk about the future, and what he's going to do when everyone he knows dies. It's not until much later that he starts to realize that they'll never truly die -- just like he'll never truly get sick of ice cream.

Thanks to @toothpastecanyon for beta reading!

(See the most updated version on AO3!)

===

“If you could choose one project to do and be guaranteed that you’d finish it eventually, no matter how long it took, what would you do?”

“Hmm....” Mabel replied, itching her scalp with a plastic hand clapping toy. “Oh! I’d get my hands on the Ultimate Magical Shimmering Rainbow-splosion Fluffykins doll! There’s only five hundred in existence -- they’re super duper rare!”

“No no no,” Dipper countered. “That’s too easy, and too short. All you’d need to do is set up some eBay alerts, bribe a few people, maybe sneak into the FluffCorp factory building. Not even -- you could just snap your fingers -” (he snapped his fingers for effect, causing a puff of blue flame to momentarily appear) “and conjure it.”

“I can’t -” Mabel started, but Dipper kept talking over her.

“I’m talking about something really unprecedented. Something that would take a long time, something you wouldn’t ordinarily be able to do. Something that would change the world.”

“Oh, I get it now!” Mabel tossed the toy aside and flipped over, letting her head dangle off the end of her bed. “I’d call you a dork a million times.”

Her brother scowled at her and jumped out of his chair and into the air. “Hey!” he yelped over Mabel’s laughter. “I'̼͚̻͓͎̲m̡̖̰̘̣͎ ̖͇̕n̛̻ơ̰t̷̟͇̱ ̝̺̻a̳̦ ̪̟̮͖ḑor̞͓̭k̟̤̖!̛͍ And even if I was, that wouldn’t take you very long! At, uh, a rate of, let’s see, you could probably say ‘you’re a dork’ at least 30 times per minute, and if you didn’t ever sleep…”

Mabel watched the red tinge fade away from his features as he paced around in mid air, doing math in his head. “Yeah. You’re totally not a dork, Sir Maths-a-lot. You sure showed me.”

“- It wouldn’t even take you a month,” Dipper finished. “Besides, how would that change the world?”

“Hmm, well if I call you a dork enough times,” Mabel answered, “maybe my big scary demon brother would decide he doesn’t want to be a dork and instead he’d do something with his cool magic powers that ends up making the world a better place!”

“Mabel?”

“Yeah bro-bro?”

Dipper frowned at her. “Your face is turning purple.”

“Touche,” she replied, rubbing her chin very seriously. She slid the rest of the way off the bed and clutched her throbbing head. “Owww…”

“That's what you get for giving me dumb answers,” Dipper quipped, arms crossed.

“You mean for giving you fun answers,” Mabel corrected, and then winced at another sting of pain. “Why are you asking me these weird questions anyway?”

A panicked look flickered across Dipper's face, and his feet touched the ground. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

Mabel, still massaging her temples, pushed herself semi-upright to give her brother a look. “Come on. ‘What would you do if you had all the time in the world?’ ’What movie could you watch a million times and never get sick of it?’ ’Do you think Stancakes have a shelf life longer than 100 years?’ Something is clearly up.”

Dipper giggled awkwardly (was there any other way he could giggle?) and stared at the ceiling. “Nothing. It's nothing!”

“What, are you really not gonna tell me?” Mabel pushed. ”What if I tickle you?”

Her brother recoiled in horror. “You wouldn't.”

There was a tense silence as the two twins considered whose was the stronger will: the expert fighter with a plethora of torture tactics at hand, or the demon. Mabel narrowed her eyes. Dipper sharpened his claws. No words were exchanged. The room was perfectly still.

Mabel jolted forward half a foot and Dipper shrieked.

“Okay, you win, just don't tickle me!” he begged, throwing his hands up. “I'll tell you!”

“Good,” Mabel replied. “Things were about to get ugly. Spill it, bro-bro.”

Dipper sighed. He dusted himself off -- a habit he'd gotten into lately even though he was pretty sure nothing he could do would make his orange shirt and vest look any less weird with his new body.

“Remember… Remember the thing I told you the other day, when I had that infodump and learned more about my powers?”

“Oh yeah,” she said. “You found out that your omniscience tells you whenever anyone farts.”

“No!” he squeaked. “Although, you are right, it does do that and it's annoying, especially because now I can smell it from like a mile away.”

He wrinkled his nose, staring off into space for a minute before shaking his head. “But that's not what I mean. I'm talking about… how I'm never going to die.”

It had been about a week since Mabel had walked into the living room to find Dipper writhing and sobbing on the floor. She remembered the way he’d looked right through her, how he hadn’t seemed to even notice her presence when she sat him upright, how he kept muttering “still alive, still alive” over and over again, and it hadn’t made any sense to her then, but when he finally snapped out of it and was able to vocalize what he’d seen…

She shuddered at the memory of it.

“Since then,” Dipper continued, “I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to deal with it. And I had this idea that I could come up with things to do to fill the time.”

“What, so you’re going to plan out your whole life?” Mabel asked, incredulous. “Let me guess -- you’re making a checklist? Hah! Can you imagine?”

She giggled, and then he reached into his vest and pulled out oh sweet Moses.

“I’ve already got some good stuff on here,” Dipper said, ignoring or not noticing his sister’s flabbergasted expression. “I’m gonna learn how to make a sword by hand. I’m gonna watch all of Tiger Fist backwards to see if there are any hidden messages. And there’s this spa getaway weekend that the Multibear invited me on -- shoot, wait, he’s gonna be dead by then, umm…”

Mabel raised an eyebrow as her brother started scribbling on the checklist. “Dipper. This is obsessive even for you.”

“What would you know?” he shot back. “You’re not the one who’s immortal.”

“I know how to have this thing called ‘fun’,” she replied. “Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

He grumbled at her, eyes locked on his checklist. He couldn’t believe he forgot that the Multibear spa trip thing was a limited time offer. That kind of stuff was slipping his mind more and more these days, like the time Mabel asked him to play cards with her and he was so busy alphabetizing his Sibling Brothers books that he neglected to respond to her for three days.

Although, now that he thought about it, that might’ve been before he became a demon.

Something damp and cold hit Dipper in the face, and he spluttered in surprise. “What was that?” he shouted. One of his flailing hands happened to close on the object as it fell, and he held it up to the light.

“It’s a popsicle, doofus!” Mabel said. She’d fetched two from the minifridge in their room while he was distracted, and was busy licking away at her own, which was chocolate. “Remember those?”

He wrinkled his nose. “I don’t have ti-”

“I’ll throw another one at you,” Mabel interrupted.

“- I guess I could have some ice cream,” Dipper finished.

He floated over and sat on the floor next to his sister. He removed the paper from the popsicle and gave the object a sniff. The aroma of orange and vanilla caressed his sensitive nose, and he realized how long it’d been since he had any sugar. Without a second moment’s thought, he threw his head back, stretching both his neck and jaw further than they were supposed to go, and placed the entire popsicle -- stick and all -- into his gaping maw.

“See, what’d I tell you?” Mabel said, smirking at the satisfaction on her brother’s face. She reached up with her popsicle to scratch an itch on her nose, and then went right back to eating it. “I always know what to do with my time. I wonder what it’d be like if I lived forever…”

Dipper eyed the glob of chocolate ice cream on the bridge of her nose. “The world would probably be a much more chaotic place.”

“You mean a much BETTER place!” she declared. “Everyone would have fun and ice cream all the time!”

He grinned. “You’re right. It would be a much better place. Because my best friend would be there.” Mabel looked at him, a twinkle in her eye and ice cream all over her face, and his grin fell away. “I guess this is what you felt like when I said I was going to be Grunkle Ford’s apprentice, huh. I’m such a shitty bro-”

Mabel at once had her hands on his face, squishing his cheeks together so he’d stop talking. “Nuh-uh. Bro-bro you’re gonna stop hating on yourself Right. Now.” She was still smiling, but her tone had twisted into something harsh. “Okay, sure, I’m gonna die someday and then you’re gonna have to figure out what to do on your own. But I’m not ready to think about that and neither are you! We’re hecking 13 years old! We should act like it, while we’ve still got the chance. Please don’t make me think about dying yet.”

Dipper winced, and she let go of him. “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“S’okay.” She patted him on the back, harder than he’d been expecting, and he was so surprised that he coughed up the popsicle stick he’d eaten earlier.

For a minute, neither of them said a word. Dipper lifted a hand to his face, where he felt something sticky.

“You got chocolate on my face.”

“Yeah. On your vest, too.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “What are you going to do about it?”

He looked at his hands, still small and smooth like a child. With a thought, he bathed both hands in a blue flame, searing away the chocolate and leaving them clean, just the way he liked them. Then he cleared his throat.

“I’m gonna chase you around the house,” he stated matter-of-factly.

Smiling ear-to-ear, Mabel jumped up and ran to the wall. “You’re nuts if you think you can catch me, even with demon powers!” Cackling, she threw the door open, which bathed her in a blinding white light.

Dipper thought about his infodump from the other day, thought about the part he hadn’t told Mabel, the tiny glimpse he’d gotten of his sister when she’d been old, pale, and still -- too horribly, horribly still. It was just a glimpse, but it haunted him -- the thought that one day there wouldn’t be a single trace left of Mabel Pines anywhere in the world. She was right -- as always -- that he was obsessing, that he was letting a thought hurt him when it didn’t have to.

He wasn’t ready to think about growing up yet, either. No matter how strong the pull to obsess was, he had to find a way to fight it.

“You can’t get away from me!” Dipper roared, and flew after his sister into the future.

---

"Wahoo! That was a great idea -- getting ice cream -- Dipper! I feel so much better! You always know how to cheer me up."

Dipper, clad in his usual human disguise, collapsed onto the bench with a grunt. "I dunno, this stuff tastes off. You’d think with all the technological advancements since the Transcendence that they’d have found a way to perfect ice cream."

His friend Arin, who was somehow managing to carry five popsicles in two hands, nodded with a serious look on her face. "Yeah. Oh sure a lot of old timey diseases were eradicated and we've got flying cars and stuff. But not one of these ice pops actually tastes like orange!"

She stared at him for a beat longer, then finally broke into snickers. One of the popsicles fell out of her hand, and a stubby arm immediately shot out from under the bench to catch it.

His face twisting in confusion, Dipper bent over to look under the bench. There were two gnomes right beneath him -- one of them hissed when they saw him, making him jump and making Arin laugh even harder.

"Ha-ha, okay," Dipper said, hand on his chest like his heart was racing. Despite this, he couldn't keep a small smile from creeping onto his face.

So much had changed in the last five hundred years, and yet so much else had stayed the same. Wars were fought, societies had formed and collapsed, but people were still people, and Dipper was still Dipper. Even though he’d had more than a few incidents where his demonic nature overcame his humanity, he always seemed to land back on his feet again eventually. Sometimes all it took was a friend.

Right now, his friend was a girl named Arin who he’d saved when someone else had tried to sacrifice her to him. He remembered how grateful she’d been, how she gave him a hug despite him being a void black monster splattered with blood, and how she then spent 20 minutes chatting with him about dragons even though she’d just had a very traumatic experience. She seemed, in other words, cool. So he later presented himself to her as fellow undergraduate student Dipper, without revealing that it was him who’d saved her that night, and they’d been good friends ever since.

Arin sat next to him and started taking bites out of her ice pops. "Yknow, the Transcendence-era wasn't that great," she said, although with her mouth busy it sounded like she was drowning.

Dipper's brow creased. "What do you mean?"

She gulped down the hunk of ice in her mouth. "No offense -- I know you're totally obsessed with Transcendence history stuff -- but that was soooo long ago. There's no one left who was alive back then, except like vampires I guess. But vampires don't eat ice cream so it doesn't matter."

Dipper bit back the urge to say "I know a vampire who loves ice cream as long as there's blood in it". What came out instead was "So?"

"So!" Arin shoved an entire popsicle into her mouth, and then had to take a minute to cough up the stick. "S-so," she continued amid gasps, "no one knows for sure what ice cream tasted like in the year 2012. And that includes you, Mr. Argues-With-The-Teacher! For all we know, old timey ice cream tasted like sawdust!"

Dipper considered his chocolate popsicle, which he's barely looked at since the first taste. "I guess you're right." He gave it another wary lick.

It didn't taste like chocolate the way he remembered it, but it was close enough.

"Do you ever think," he asked, unable to meet his friend's eyes, "about all the stuff that used to exist but doesn't anymore? All the ideas and food and... people?"

Arin groaned. "Is that what this is about? My best friend of the past 2 years -- secretly one of those 'I was born in the wrong century' people?"

"No!" he shot back, before taking another lick of the popsicle. "I just think it's sad that stuff goes away and no one's there to remember it."

"Well, maybe no one remembers that stuff, but that doesn't mean it's forgotten."

Dipper looked up. "Huh?"

Arin scarfed down her remaining two popsicles, which had begun melting onto her hand. "People die and ideas change and the world moves on. It happens constantly! But those people influenced their friends and their family and their coworkers. Who in turn influenced other people. Those people might be dead, but they live forever in the words and actions of everyone who came after."

Dipper just stared at her, jaw dropped. "Where did that come from?" he managed to get out. "Five seconds ago you were gagging on frozen sugar! You're not allowed to be this insightful!"

"Sugar rushes always make me super thoughtful," Arin said, patting him on the back. "It's 'cause I'm a genius. I'm probably gonna crash hard later though. Also by the way your ice cream is totally melting."

"Ah, shoot." Dipper hurriedly tried to catch the melting ice cream with his tongue, and Arin giggled again.

"The point is," she said, "if you've always got your head stuck in a history textbook, you're gonna miss out on the present. If you're always thinking about the dead guy who invented ice cream, you won't be around to eat any with me."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said. He felt an itch on his nose, so he wiggled it. "Thanks, Arin. I feel better- why are you looking at me like that?"

Arin was indeed staring at him with a perplexed look on her face as if she was not the one who'd just swallowed a metric ton of ice cream. "Why do you do that?"

Dipper frowned. "Do what? AGH-"

He yelped as Arin whipped out her phone and snapped a photo of him, blinding him with the flash even though it was a bright, sunny day out. "What was that for?"

She didn't say anything, simply handed him her phone. It certainly was not the best photo ever taken of him. It was blurry, his hair was a mess, and his mouth was contorted in shock.

On the bridge of his nose was a dollop of chocolate ice cream.

"You do it every time we get ice cream," Arin said, taking her phone back. "I mean, you call me weird, but I'm not the one always itching my nose with an ice pop."

"Oh," Dipper said. He paused and looked at his fingers, which were all chocolate-y too now. "I didn't even notice I was doing it."

"Suuure, weirdo," Arin chuckled. She stood up, wobbling a bit as she did so, and steadied herself on the back of the bench. "Listen dude, this was fun but I think the sugar's starting to hit me. I'm gonna head back to the dorm before I collapse. Wanna hang out later?"

"Definitely!" Dipper replied. "You should get some rest! Try not to give psychological counseling to anyone on the way -- you're gonna burn out your brain!"

He waved at his friend as she staggered away, and watched her until she turned a corner around a building. Then he sighed, and wiped his nose with his finger.

"Hey Mabel," he whispered, looking at the chocolate he'd collected. "It’s me, Dipper.”

A passing jogger sent a pointed look at the young man who was talking to his finger, but Dipper ignored them.

“I seem to remember you saying something to me about living forever. You said that one day you’d be gone, and I’d have to find a way to carry on alone.” He thought about Arin’s words, and felt something swell in his chest. “But I guess you’re still alive after all.”

He sniffed, and looked up at the sun as it started to bathe the sky in the pinks and purples of evening. He saw people in flying cars, people rushing through pneumatic tubes, people high fiving on jetpack because it was a wonderful day to be out. And he thought about what Arin said; thought about all of the sicknesses he'd seen friends and family afflicted by that no one ever had to suffer from again. He thought about all the preters he saw walking freely and happily on the campus, without worrying that they'd be attacked.

"And you were right," he said. "The world is a better place."

Dipper licked the remaining chocolate off his fingers, and got up. As he headed back toward his dorm room, he wondered what other legacies his loved ones had left in him.

(AO3 link)

#gravity falls #transcendence au #dipper pines #alcor the dreambender #mabel pines #fic #my stuff #long post

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aros001 · 3 years ago

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First time read through light novel vol. 18. Random thoughts.

I somewhat suspect the author was hungry while writing this volume.

Also, wow, I knew Kizuna was short but the prior artworks never gave me the full idea of how short. She

is only chest-high compared to Naofumi and Glass (I suppose that could make Glass happy, though; ease of access for Kizuna and whatnot).

Given that, outside of the natural gluttons like Filo, S’yne, and the killer whale sisters, the only person on Naofumi's side with the "Eat food for EXP" matter is Itsuki, I think this is him falling dangerously close to thinking only in terms of game mechanics instead of reality, much like the other three heroes had been early on. Theoretically, yes, if you can gain levels and strength just by eating, why wouldn't you do a lot of it? But he's almost outright ignoring the physical discomfort and pain it's causing his allies and seeing only the numbers. Not to mention that he himself doesn't appear to be eating nearly as much, as he's focus on the cooking.

That said, it is cute that this is the first time in her life Filo is starting to feel full.

Chapter One: Sloth

OH SHI-! Oh, wait. Wrong franchise. We're good. I did not want to have to imagine Kizuna biting her fingers off (Kizuna: "My brain trembles!!!).

If Kizuna is indeed suffering under the curse of Sloth, I'm curious what triggered that specific sin for her. We only have the four heroes of Raphtalia's world to go off of but each sin applied to that specific hero for a reason. Naofumi: Wrath because of his hatred of what Witch and Trash put him through. Ren: Greed because he wanted more EXP, levels, and loot; a toxic extreme of his solo-adventuring. Itsuki: Pride because he believed only in his view of justice. And Motoyasu: lust and envy because of his obsession with Filo and being kept away from her. Kizuna's obsession with fishing, even when there's other important matters that need to be dealt with, I suppose could be considered lazy and thus lead to sloth as its extreme, but it feels a little bit like a stretch.

As he did so, the books from a nearby shelf whirled up into the air, forming . . . a dinosaur . . . perhaps. No, a dragon. The monster’s name was “Magical Tome Dragon.” Now things were really getting a bit crazy. A dragon created from books! Was this some kind of joke?

I want a Yu-Gi-Oh card of that.

“Don’t tell me, Glass is like the Raphtalia of this world? Could we really get that lucky?”

I mean, that's what the fandom likes to joke when it comes to her and Kizuna.

Breaking the sloth curse through Kizuna's love of fishing was about what I expected. Not complaining, of course. Again though, I'm just wonder what about her coincides with Sloth. She prefers talking it out and making allies as opposed to fighting but I wouldn't exactly call that lazy or slothful either.

Kizuna had a lot of folks like this among her allies—people who had started out as enemies but then became allies. If I fought someone as an enemy, there was generally no coming back—there were exceptions, like Sadeena and Shildina, so it was probably better not to generalize.

Glass and L'Arc are literally standing right next to Naofumi as he thinks this and Motoyasu, Ren, and Itsuki all tried to murder him at one point or another. S'yne was part of the gladiator fights too, now that I think about it, and while they never fought he and Trash were definitely enemies for a while. This dude turns more enemies into friends than freakin' Naruto. Being kind of oblivious is part of Naofumi's character but I suppose this could be seen as an interesting look as to how exactly he considers someone an enemy. If they fought him for reasons he eventually came to understand and sympathize with, then he perhaps doesn't consider them as ever having been a "true" enemy.

Aww, Glass is jealous of Tsugumi being close to Kizuna. And unlike Raphtalia with Naofumi, Kizuna doesn't have any kind of tragedy that keeps her opposed to relationship and would require Glass to be patient. I suppose Glass could simply be afraid of hurting their friendship by proposing romance or even that Kizuna doesn't swing that way. And this is from Naofumi's perspective, so Glass being gay could be completely off the mark. Still, it'd be nice to get a solid landing one way or another. Even Eclair unknowingly rejecting Ren at least give solid confirmation that he's into her and why they're not together.

“What! I’m the Hunting Hero! I don’t handle the cooking part!” Kizuna complained.

“And I’m the Shield Hero!” I retorted. Not the Stewpot Hero! If anyone called me that, I would kill them with cookery!

And technically, you're not even that right now. Not with that mirror on your arm. The mirror is cool and all but I am looking forward to Naofumi eventually getting his shield back. He just feels incomplete without it.

“Almost feeding time!” one of them said. Others proceeded to chime in.

“Yes . . . the time we’ve all been waiting for.”

“The moment we live for, basically!”

“Even if I only get to eat one mouthful . . . that is the fuel that will keep me alive!”

“I’ll never eat anything but his cooking ever again!”

“I think the schweiz is the best! It has to be!”

“No! The stietz!”

“Hey! No fighting! We’ve been warned about fighting!”

Did they stumble across a food cult?

“It isn’t bad,” Filo said. “It just isn’t as nice as yours, Master.”

“Well, okay . . .” I replied.

“All of the heroes have cooked in the village, Mr. Naofumi, but Filo and everyone else all feel the same way,” Raphtalia told me.

Filo also grew up with Naofumi's cooking since birth, so while he's already a good cook you get the added taste of home for her. I've said it before but out of everyone I consider Filo to be the most like Naofumi's daughter.

“Then you wish to settle the bill,” she replied. I thought it was free. As my suspicions intensified, the girl spread both of her hands and continued. “How was the food at Seya’s restaurant? It was so delicious, wasn’t it? If you wish to become a member, please leave all of your assets or hand over anything that can be turned into money. If you leave some personal items as collateral, you can have some time to go and fetch some offerings.”

Yep, that's a cult alright.

“Master’s food!” Filo said.

“They’ll get a surprise when they taste what you’re cooking, kiddo,” L’Arc said.

“Indeed. Your victory is assured, if that’s the best they can do,” Glass agreed. I was still concerned about how aggressive they were being. Were they hopped up on endorphins or something? They weren’t acting in character at all.

My first thought was that the OOC behavior was some side effect Naofumi didn't realize came with the Mirror weapon's power-up method, but then why wouldn't Raphtalia or Kizuna be effected when they have been eating the food too? Then I thought maybe they were more used to eating Naofumi's food in general and would have a tolerance to any addictive effects, but then why is Filo still effected?

“That’s the best dish Seya’s restaurant has to offer! Seya’s curry bag! And it’s Fifth Floor too!” one of the MCs shouted. I barely stopped myself from tipping over onto the ground. He really was just reheating a premade curry in a bag! So he was allowed to heat and serve already finished dishes? I mean, that might give me some ideas myself . . .

“The flavors that are normally lost in reheating have been sealed in the bag using proprietary technology! Now you get the maximized flavor from the moment you open the bag! This truly is the ultimate culinary technique! Everyone, watch this kitchen miracle closely as it unfolds before your astounded eyes!” The MCs continued their diatribe, but it just made it harder for me to keep a straight face. It was all a matter of perspective. Capturing the flavor in a bag was certainly a worse approach than making it on the spot.

“Naofumi . . . am I imagining things? It looks to me like he’s just adding or warming up instant ingredients using hot water,” Kizuna said.

So, like most other antagonists in this series lately, Seya is just an arrogant, entitled fraud high on his own stolen power. Why am I not surprised? Though he is giving me a bit of a Kazuma from Konosuba vibe with how he managed to figure out how to recreate items the old heroes would have talked about from Japan. It's odd to say he doesn't have nearly the same level of charisma as Kazuma give...well...it's Kazuma and he's deliberately written to be a massive scumbag.

I do like with his magic powers and awesome cape, Naofumi is basically the little muddy boy meeting a superhero, one who will save the day through cooking.

As for Kizuna . . . I handed her some of the fish we had brought in and had her cut it up. She’d finished with the poisonous fish already. Her life as a fishing fool was paying off now. She knew her way around a fish. The blood had been skillfully drained, and overall, she was a step ahead when it came to gutting and cleaning.

...You think the Hunting Tool can turn into something like the Wunder Boner

I explained pointedly, looking at Seya, Trash III, and the other MC. Trash III responded by flipping me off. I could taunt with the best of them, and I mouthed some swear words back.

I mean, one of my favorite scenes in Isekai Quartet was Naofumi and Shalltear sassing each other, so I can agree with that.

“Pollution?” Kizuna asked, looking puzzled.

“You didn’t notice that?” I replied. “Well, just watch.” She wasn’t the brightest bulb, that was for sure.

“Hmmm, I think I need to go wash up,” the rotund noble said. “I’ll be right back.” The judges proceeded to take turns visiting the washroom. Once they had all returned, it was time to eat Seya’s food.

“Huh?” Kizuna, L’Arc, and Therese were looking puzzled. The other diners around us too. I guess there was cause for a little suspicion.

...Did Naofumi give them laxatives?

“Ah!” Kizuna finally cottoned on. “So that’s why you used so many medicinal herbs in your dishes!”

“Exactly. The reason they all wanted to go to the washroom after eating was to expel the toxins. I also used other herbs to bolster the lethargic feeling that would bring on,” I explained.

He gave the judges f**king laxatives! That's hilarious! I get the actual explanation he gives is more complicated than that, relating to purifying and digestion and getting them to finally take notice of the toxins in Seya's food now that they're free from its hold, but it's funny to think that's basically what he did. He won a cooking competition through dishes that encouraged the judges to take a sh*t (or a p*ss, I suppose).

“Hey . . . you’ve been reading too many cooking manga. It’s an illusion that delicious and good things will be evaluated highly. What you need is popularity and demand,” I said. Of course, it had to taste good, but putting the emphasis on that as a bare requirement was also a problem. If you were planning on selling food in a restaurant, of course it had to taste good. Customers came because of other elements, because of popularity. If Seya’s restaurant collapsed here, it would cause trouble for all the judges. That was why I’d created an escape for them. In order to realize the future that boy wanted.

While we don't see Naofumi selling his wares so much anymore because he has far less of a need to, it is nice we do still get that cynical and merchant side of him. All that time didn't just go to waste and it's still a key part of his character.

“What, then? What do you want?” Seya asked.

“There’s someone behind all of this, correct? Someone pulling the strings. If you tell us all about that, we’ll let you go. Hey, I have an idea. Write it down on this piece of paper here. I want a record of this.” I said and passed a piece of paper to him. Seya’s expression immediately brightened.

“That’s all you want? Fine, I can—” But the rest of that sentence vanished into an awful grunt. The moment Seya tried to write a single word, his head simply crumpled in on itself. He managed a brief scream, and then his entire melon exploded. I didn’t want to traumatize my allies, so I quickly threw up a cage and blocked out the grisly scene. Then I gave a sigh.

Well...that was kind of f**ked up for Naofumi to do. Don't get me wrong, after what they had to do to get Takt to be willing to confess, this is much less horrific. But Naofumi did basically just give Seya false hope and then trick him into executing himself. I get why he did it and how dangerous the vanguards are, but it is interesting to think that while ROTSH isn't the darkest of the light novel series I've been reading, Naofumi, save for Ainz Ooal Gown, is definitely the most morally grey of the protagonists compared to Kazuma, Subaru, and Goblin Slayer.

“No matter how delicious the food is, if you eat the same thing every time, you’ll start to get sick of it. Once you get sick of it, you won’t overeat simply because you won’t want to. I’ve been applying that concept to my food,”

That is better than what I was thinking with Naofumi getting too into the game mechanics. And boy do I feel for his friends. It's the same thing that killed me off of soda for a few years. Obviously it's worse to starve than be overstuffed but it's still not a pleasant experience.

We were talking about the primary reason why Kizuna was summoned here in the first place. To put it simply, the idea was to revive the Demon Dragon.

YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

And they Tanya'd him too; reborn as an infant of the opposite gender. So does that make Kizuna or Naofumi Being X?

“Seriously . . . it brings dragon tears to my dragon eyes to see you, the great Shield Hero who defeated me, now reduced to this.” The Demon Dragon placed her front paws against her head and muttered sadly to herself.

“I hope you aren’t looking for sympathy,” I said harshly.

“Just think about it for a moment. The same bunch who shouted about defeating me and saving the world are now back, having screwed everything up, relying on me—their sworn enemy—to save them! Take a look around. Does this world look like it’s at peace to you? Well?” the dragon said, really coming for me now. What was worse, I didn’t really have a reply. This world was still plagued by humans fighting each other and had been ravaged by the vanguards of the waves. Everything the dragon had said so far had been so on the money that Kizuna and Glass probably didn’t have any response either. “Can you see how this might feel like something from your own past? Having been chased as a criminal, and then having to clean up after those very weaklings who were chasing you after they had been beaten down by the waves and people from another world?” That punch really landed hard. I wanted to call it a low blow, but she was basically providing a stunningly succinct summary of my life in these other worlds.

Seriously though, after Kyo, Takt, and the various other vanguards, it is so refreshing to have a villain who speaks with some dignity and can actually make a decent point or two, rather than "I'm strong so I can do whatever I want! Losers!" In my vol. 16 random thoughts I compared Takt to All For One from My Hero Academia and I still feel the same way. The two are not that much different goal-wise. They wanted the world and had the power to make it theirs, thus their actions. It is an immature goal when you think about it but AFO did not act anywhere near as immature as Takt and it made him feel so much more intimating. He would sometimes mock his enemy but when he did they were deep cuts that he knew would get under the skin of someone he truly hated, like All Might, rather than just throwing out insults and acting like a brat. And the Demon Dragon is the same (the High Priest too, now that I remember him, even if I don't talk about him as much). I liked Glass as an antagonist because she was intimidating, spoke only as much as she needed to, and was very powerful compared to the protagonists at that time, getting Naofumi to fear facing her again and giving her weight to the story and for the audience. Finding out later her motivations gave her some depth and added grey to the situation. The Demon Dragon is not nearly as sympathetic, but he still works for a lot of the reasons she did. There's presence to him, er, her. It's not a brat who needs to be knocked off their high horse but a genuine threat.

And being able to work with the heroes weirdly makes that even better. The Demon Dragon calls a 100 year truce, not because she's on the side of good, but because she wants there to still be a world around for her to take over. She's completely open about her goal, which ironically makes it easier to trust her.

“That should do for now,” the dragon said. “Hmmm, and this is a female body. Excellent. Shield Hero, under the condition that you will ultimately mate with me, I shall provide even greater cooperation.” So that was how long it took for things to take a crazy turn.

Still a little weird that she wants to f**k Naofumi though. And when the anime gets to this part there is almost definitely going to be a fanfic or doujin. Actually, now that I think about it, there are going to be creators getting some mileage out of when the Demon Dragon tried to take Naofumi over earlier in the series.

“Can’t you make do with Kizuna? She’s one of the four holies from this world. You’ll just have to overcome the gender barrier,” I said.

“Why me?!” Kizuna exclaimed.

“What are you planning on doing to Kizuna?” Now Glass turned a hostile gaze on me too.

Ahh, Naofumi's such a d*ck, I love it. Also, now that's two rivals in one book for Glass. She's almost caught up with Raphtalia.

It would have suited us better if the enemy was a bunch of morons. It was annoying that life never worked out quite so easily. We had no idea how bad it was going to get with the waves, so we had to plan our moves carefully and move to prevent this “fusion of the worlds,” whatever that meant.

Wouldn't that be a heck of a comeback to my bitching about the villains? The ones behind the vanguards have been sending out their idiots first, the ones arrogant and drunk off their power, to soften up the heroes first and cause a bunch of damage but that they know will ultimately just get killed. Takt and the others getting offered up as sacrificial lambs basically because those like S'yne's sister don't like them either.

“I’m starting to feel sorry for Naofumi,” Kizuna agreed.

“He probably thinks you two are in the ‘harem,’” I told them.

“I really don’t like that,” Glass responded. “No, I don’t. I don’t like that at all.” I wasn’t sure why she said it three times, but I didn’t like it either. Just for the record.

“Naofumi is a friend and a comrade, but we’re not like that!” Kizuna retorted. I wondered if she really understood the situation. She was the type who needed things to be said directly to her face.

“A shame we don’t have Fohl here. Even L’Arc would have worked,” I said. Just a few guys mixed in might have broken the group up a bit and prevented it from looking like a harem.

“Naofumi . . . even if we did have some guys, it would probably just give them some different ideas. Like . . . boys love?” Kizuna said. It sounded like, whatever the composition of the party, they would presume a lewd relationship with me at the center.

You know, you never hear about this kind of thing with Ren and Itsuki. Motoyasu went out of his way to have a harem and he still doesn't get it thrown at him as much as Naofumi does. Maybe it's one of those "He protest too much" kind of mindsets, where the more Naofumi denies it the more people think it's true.

“You got lucky. If a wave had occurred with the world of our illustrious leader, we were planning on shattering you. That’s the problem with this system; that’s the only way to get the reward for destroying a world,” the sister explained. I’d heard this talk about rewards for destroying worlds before, I vaguely recalled. I had no idea where that reward came from.

So there's a third world mixed up in all this. Obviously there already was the implication of multiple universes with S'yne and such but now there's a big spotlight on somewhere besides Raphtalia and Kizuna's worlds, where the big bad supposedly lives.

“That’s pretty much what I was expecting. Shield Hero, let me tell you something interesting,” the Demon Dragon began. Then she looked at the Artificial Behemoth’s chest again. “That part there houses a corrupted holy weapon from this world, which has artificially turned the monster into one of the four holy heroes and has allowed it all the power-up methods. It’s basically the monster version of a holy hero.”

I'm somewhat suspecting it's the Blunt Force Holy Weapon, given how easily that beast is smashing through barriers.

The soul that Raphtalia had pulled from the vanguard of the waves was not much like the body it had come from. Instead, it was a gloomy, Japanese-looking guy who was probably in his thirties.

...

“The vanguards of the waves are people who have been reborn or transferred over here after being selected by the one who assumes the name of God. They are given all sorts of abilities, such as the power to steal holy weapons or seven star weapons. They come into these worlds and start causing chaos,” I explained.

“Reborn? You mean like having spare bodies, like Kyo?” Raphtalia asked.

“No, something else. Just their souls were led to this world from Japan, and then they were reborn here as someone from this world. With their memories of the past,” I said. For example, they are people who died in unfortunate accidents—people like Ren, Itsuki, and Motoyasu. This “god” would whisper to them that they had died an untimely death and offer to reincarnate them in any world they liked. They were already dead and so had no reason to reject such an offer. If they did, the “god” probably claimed to be taken with their resolve and promised to give them additional cheat powers, basically forcing them to accept. In some cases, maybe they were just forced to be reborn, no matter what they felt. I’d read books like that, loads of them. Now that they knew being summoned to another world was actually a thing, why not getting reborn or transferred over?

So I was right about Takt being some OC f**kboy! They're all OCs! They're people from Japan who died and now are getting to live out their sh*tty power fantasy fanfiction as their equally sh*tty original character! As a source of useful but disposable minions, that's actually kind of brilliant. We saw how bad Motoyasu, Ren, and Itsuki had been at the beginning (with Naofumi himself potentially on that path as well before he was betrayed) and they were chosen by weapons that actually have the world's best interest at heart. Take those same people and have a malevolent entity constantly feeding their egos and pushing them to do terrible things because "it's their right to do so" and "they're the real heroes" and you've got an near endless source of wrenches to throw into the works of those trying to stop you.

Of course, now I just have this image in my head that the World Eater is Aqua from Konosuba. Which would actually be kind of amazing, not gonna lie. A godly being reincarnating otakus from Japan into a new fantasy-based world for a singular purpose and giving them special powers and tools in exchange.

“What if . . . and just hear me out . . . what if this one who assumes the name of a god is somehow responsible for my game knowledge?” Itsuki quietly suggested. That sounded possible to me now. Even if being summoned was the correct process, having some prior knowledge would change your actions once you arrived.

Before, when the Shield Spirit had explained to Naofumi that he was a first pick choice and the other three heroes were their weapons' third picks, I'd theorized as to why and how the final selection ended up. Assuming the weapons were telling the truth about being able to grant any wish once the waves were over, it could be assumed they have some power over reality even in the four's home universe. So I'd theorized the weapons set up a window to snag their picks, with the shield getting Naofumi and the other weapons, by sheer unfortunance, had their picks keep missing the window and thus they became more desperate, thus why their third picks had to die in order to reincarnate because the weapons couldn't leave things to chance anymore.

Now, with the new speculation and info, we can assume the World Eater has some influence over other universes too, including the heroes' original ones. So two new theories come to mind.

The first, and one I find most likely, is that the World Eater is causing video games that are similar to the worlds impacted by the waves to appear in the original worlds of the heroes. In theory, the butterfly effect could cause a chain of events that'd lead to such games existing, so it's not like the World Eater is just dropping them into each reality. It would just need to nudge things in the right direction. If video game knowledge is actually detrimental to the heroes, then that leaves less choices for the Holy Weapons (at least in regards to what their ideal candidates would be) and opens up more choices for the World Eater, since it wants arrogant and know-it-alls like that for vanguards.

The second, which could still work with the first, is that the World Eater is aware of humans the Holy Weapons have their eyes on and is actively sabotaging them. A weapon has a first choice, so the World Eater throws the game or other things in their path to turn them into a less desirable option, possibly even vanguard material.

After all my comments about the recent antagonists, S'yne's sister is starting to grow on me. She's filling a similar role as Witch; manipulating and using people before ultimately tossing them aside. But like the Demon Dragon and High Priest, there is more of an air of dignity about her than with Witch. With the exception of her sister, she's not really talking down and belittling anyone to try and promote her own strength. Like Glass she feels like someone who is genuinely powerful and doesn't need to prove it. How she's using the enemies of the week is curious and perhaps even a little scary because it does feel like she's testing and experimenting and these losses are not really a loss for her. And there's the added mystery Sadeena threw in over what she really wants. Whether bad guy with a bigger agenda or a secret good guy, she's more enjoyable to read about, as opposed to the vanguards where the biggest enjoyment they offer is watching them get taken down, and even that's not much with all the whining and tantrums they have after they're beaten. She's different from Witch and Kyo. She's not completely high off her own power and doesn't refuse to recognize her enemies' strength. Her casually teleporting away for a bit when she realized the battle was turning in the heroes' favor gave a ton to her character.

I'm just looking forward to when she gets a name other than S'yne's sister or Moron Woman. I appreciate Naofumi's completely lack of caring for learning the names of people who don't deserve it, but if she's going to be a serious antagonist or secret ally, a name would help.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/shieldbro/comments/kdwai7/first_time_read_through_light_novel_vol_18_random/

#rising of the shield hero #random thoughts #reddit repost

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itspufflehuff · 4 years ago

Text

Alone Chapter 4 - Bucky Imagine TFATWS

Summary: SPOILERS As you all get closer to the flagsmashers more problems begin to arise, mostly to do with John Walker.

MATERLIST // TAGLIST

I try not to write too much in these summaries in case anyone hasn't caught up with TFATWS but one thing is for sure there is a lot of fighting in this chapter as most of the episode is full of fight scenes. Don’t worry there are still some cute moments with Bucky!

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

Word Count: 3057

~~~~

After everything that went down in Madripoor and with the information you were able to get you all mad your way to Riga hoping to find Karli or any information on her.

Zemo wasted no time settling back into his old home while Bucky decided to take a stroll on his own for a bit. Meanwhile, you and Sam sat beside each other on the couch with your legs resting on his lap. "Remember when we were in Spain?" He smiled at the memory, "Yeah we spent most of our time hiding out in one of those Air BNB's, you were the least recognizable of us so you had to go out and get us food." You laughed along, "Yeah I guess one good thing did come out of sitting out on a lot of missions." It went quiet for a second as you rested your head back on the couch, "You know that was when I realized my family was bigger than just Steve, Nat, and Tony. I had Wanda, Vision, and you."

Before Sam could say anything in response Bucky came in with news of the Wakandans arriving in Riga. You all devised a plan to head into town and try to find out some information on any services they may be having for Donya. This would, hopefully, lead you all to Karli.

The four of you headed to one of the camps where many of the refugees were staying. Bucky watched over Zemo while you and Sam headed into the building to find anyone you could talk to. Everywhere you went you were met with scared people who scurried off into the next room. Then you both walked into a room with children and a man, the teacher. It only took a minute for the man to send out of the children and himself out of the room. "Why won't anyone talk to us?" Sam asked with a hint of frustration. "You have to understand Sam, these people had a connection to Donya and somehow the Flagsmashers are connected to her. They'll do whatever to protect her and them. When a man comes in here looking intimidating they're gonna run away.

He looked at you offended, "I do not look intimidating."

"Well, when you come in here with your hands in your pockets and asking questions... it sends the wrong message." He took his hands out of his pockets and tried to loosen up. You pated his shoulder and began to walk away, "A little too late for that Sammy."

The both of you joined Bucky outside and watched Zemo from afar, "What the hell is he doing?" Bucky asked aloud. "He's gaining their trust." You said with a side glance to Sam.

Back at Zemos house, you all sat on the couch feeling defeated as Zemo made tea. You laid your head back as everyone bickered over Karli's morals. You rubbed at your eyes not wanting to hear this anymore. It was the same conversation you all have had before and never ended any different. "I'm going to lay down," you pushed yourself off the couch. Sam and Zemo continued their conversation but Bucky looked over to you concerned, "Are you feeling ok?"

The truth was you were feeling tired and dirty. You just wanted a nice bath and a long nap but now was not the time for either of those. Instead, you nodded your head, "I'm fine. I just need to lay down for a few minutes. Bucky nodded unconvinced but he didn't want to push you on the topic.

You barely laid down for two minutes when you hear glass shattering. Worried you ran out of the room to see Bucky storming away from Zemo with anger. From the door you called him over, ushering him into the room, and shutting the door behind you. "What was that all about?" He was pacing around the room, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to wake you I know you were trying to rest." You sat at the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to you, "That's alright, come sit."

He hesitated for a second but gave in keeping his distance from you, "What's wrong?"

"It's just- he's treating this like a joke. Hiding information from us as if he has the upper hand." Bucky let out frustrated.

"That's how it's like with people like him. They want to believe they're always on top, especially when they know they're not."

"Yeah, you're right. Well, you should get some rest before-" Bucky was cut off when Sam burst into the room.

"We should get going. I have Sharon keeping an eye out for us and Zemo said he can lead us to the memorial." He left without waiting for a response.

You and Bucky looked at each other before you chuckled tiredly, "A hero's life is not a peaceful one."

~~~~

On your way to Donya's service, you were unpleasantly met with John Walker and Lemar Hoskins. John made no effort to cover up his anger as he charged at the four of you, "Hey take it easy before it gets weird." Sam said pushing back at John's chest. Cautiously Lemar nudged John then pointed to your hands. Your hands were beginning to glow red hot as the energy from your magic built up. You didn't even realize you were preparing for a battle until Lemar pointed it out. The men took a step back as they lowered their voices to a calmer tone. Although it didn't stop them all from bickering the whole way.

"My associate is just up ahead." Zemo gestured to the little girl he was speaking to at the camp. He made his way towards the girl as everyone followed close behind.

"Whoa guys, I get the whole superhero walk but she's a child loosen up a bit. We don't want to scare her." You commented as you watched the men walk over to her looking intimidating.

The "transaction" between Zemo and the girl went smoothly. He handed her some money for her and her family. She then lead all of you towards Donya's memorial. "What the hell?" John cursed to Lemar.

"Language." You said as you continued walking in front of him. Beside you, you could hear Sam and Bucky snicker, "Don't say a word."

As you all waited for Sam, Bucky strolled over to you leaning on the wall. "Language huh? Steve really did raise you." He laughed.

You felt your neck heat up, "It just slipped out." He chuckled shaking his head as you stammered over your words, "It was- well I- I was just worried about the girl hearing someone cure. I don't usually care."

"I didn't get to talk to Steve much when I came back but when I did he talked about you a lot."

"Really?" You asked turning your head to him, "Yeah. He said you were like a sister to him."

You smiled at the thought but didn't have time to respond. Frustrated John walked towards the both of you trying to get by but Bucky refused. "Your partner needs backup. Do you really want his blood on your hands?" You turned to Bucky seeing how that comment hit him. He looked as if he was ready to give in and let John pass, "Don't listen to him, Buck. He doesn't know what he's talking about."

This only seemed to make John angry. He straightened himself up, shifting his feet to turn towards you. Bucky stood in between the both of you like a shield as Lemar reached for John's arm, "Come on man she's just a girl."

"Just a girl?" John shouted, "She's killed more people than you think!"

This made you defensive, "I only kill bad guys. I'm not going to kill you unless you're calling yourself a bad guy?"

"No, but you're not as perfect as you pretend to be." John spat back.

You were beginning to get angry. You tried to move Bucky out of your way but he kept an arm extended, not to protect you but to protect John from your anger, "What is that supposed to mean?" John looked down at your hands looking smug as of to say 'I told you so'. You could feel the energy running through your veins hot like fire but it didn't hurt you, it never did.

You didn't care that you were doing exactly what he thought you would because he was starting to piss you off. "I'm not waiting around any longer. There's a soldier in there who needs back up. If you're not going to help then stay out of my way."

"We're not at war John." Bucky sighed.

"If you go in there you're going to screw this up for all of us." You stepped up.

"I'm not going to ask again, move." John said I'm a stern tone.

"No." It was as if he had never been told no before. He lifted up the shield and tried to make himself look intimidating. You and Bucky stood your ground preparing to fight back if you needed to.

"Stand down soldiers." He warned. This only made you laugh, "I'm not a soldier. I'm an Avenger."

He charged at you. Bucky was ready to jump in front of you and push John out of the way but using your powers you were able to knock him down with ease. He stood back up angry. He charged at you again, this time Bucky knocked him down. You were able to manipulate the wind to keep John staples to the ground he thrashed around trying to get back up but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't.

Then you felt someone wrap their arms behind you locking your arms to your side. This distracted you allowing John to be set free. "I'm sorry but he needs to get in there." You heard Lemar's voice. You tried pushing yourself out of his grasp but he was much stronger than you.

Bucky was fighting off John until he saw you stuck in Lemar's hold. You could see him debating whether he should help you or hold Lemar back. He wanted to help you but he knew how important this mission was. Ultimately he pushed John back and ran to your side.

It didn't take long for John to slip through the door and into the room where Karli and Sam were. The three of you ran after him forgetting all about Zemo.

Everything moved so fast. John walked in with so much authority it was sickening. Lemar was trying to hold me and Bucky back. Karli pushed Sam to the ground and began her getaway. Bucky pushed Lemar out of the way chasing after Karli. You ran to Sam's side but he brushed you off, "I'm ok. We have to get to Karli." The both of you ran off in different directions hoping to corner her somehow. Instead, you and Sam reunited along with Bucky, "I lost her."

The three of you tried searching the place once more but gave up and decided to head back to Zemo's place.

There you all took a much-needed break as you regrouped and planned on what to do next. One thing that was for sure was to keep John Walker out of your way. Had he not intervened Karli would have stepped down and trusted Sam.

You sat at the table with Sam, listening to him type away on his computer. You were too zoned out of everything to pay attention to what was happening. It wasn't until you heard Bucky's voice next to you, "Would you like a drink?" You turned to see him shifting on his feet awkwardly. "A drink would be nice, thank you." He placed two cups on the table and poured the drinks. When he was done he passed one to you and took the second one for himself then pulled out the chair next to you to take a seat. You sipped your drink as the men talked.

It wasn't long until John came bursting through the door shouting, "Alright, that's it. Let's go. I am now ordering you to hand him over."

You rolled your eyes and continued to take sips of your drink. You watched as John tried to intimidate Sam, but everyone knew it wasn't working. Well everyone except John and Lemar. He put the shield down on the floor preparing to fight Sam but as soon as he stood back up a spear came hurtling towards him. You gasped turning to the source. The Dora Milaje.

Shit just got real.

As always John was trying to be his cocky self and show some authority. That didn't go too well with these women. The second he placed his hand on one of them a fight ensued. You sat back in your chair amused. You weren't the only one. With a quick look around the room, you could see Zemo and Bucky enjoying the show of John Walker getting his ass handed to him. Sam on the other hand looked concerned.

"Looking strong John!" Bucky shouted mockingly. You laughed. Sam scolded him. They jumped in to attempt to save John and Lemar from the ladies but that was proving to be harder than it seemed. Sam and Bucky were both distracted with saving John that they didn't notice Lemar about to get him. You jumped in pushing him out of the way before a spear came flying at him. Before you could grab it one of the ladies took it and started fighting you. Sam jumped in to help but even with the both of you, it was hard to take her down. Suddenly she turned to throw the spear and John immobilizing him. Seemingly at the same time, the other women disarmed Bucky. Literally. He looked at her in shock as she walked towards the bathroom.

"He's gone." You didn't know who "he" was until you took one glance around the room to find your prisoner had escaped.

~~~~

All day it seemed to be one fight after another. Soon after the visit from the Dora Milage the three of you went to pay Karli a visit. Not much talking or negotiating was done before Walker had to once again come and ruin it. The three of you jumped off the patio and made your way to John. Sam flew but you decided to run with Bucky. As soon as you got there everything was chaos. Lemar was taken hostage and John was... strong? Much stronger than before.

You ran ahead of Bucky making your way up the stairs when you heard him grunt. You turned to see one of the flagsmashers attacking him, "Bucky!" You shouted as you made your way back down. He was in a chokehold and was fighting his way out. He shooed you away with his hand as he managed to say, "Go!" You furrowed your eyebrows, shaking your head, "I'm not leaving you behind."

Bucky got himself loose then kicked the man down the stairs. He jumped down, kicked him into the wall, walked over to his unconscious body, and said "Stay there." You couldn't help the grin that crept up to your lips. Sure this was a serious moment but he was such a dork. It was cute.

He made his way back up the stairs trying to hide his confidence, "Let's go." He placed his hand on your shoulder leading you up.

When you walked into the room where all the action was going on a dagger came flying towards Bucky. With ease, he dodged the dagger then grabbed it. As he started fighting the man who tried to kill him someone came up from beside you trying to attack, but you were faster than they were. You stepped back grabbing onto their fist that lunged to your face. Without a struggle, you punched them in the gut and pushed them down to the floor.

Suddenly Lemar came rushing in to save his best friend. What happened next was too quick to understand.

Karli punched him a little too hard. It sent him flying back into the pillar. Even through all the fighting, you could hear the crack of bones. Everyone stopped. It was like slow motion. The man who was holding John back let him go.

He made his way to Lemar trying to regain his conscious but it wasn't working. He was already gone.

The flagsmashers all made a run for it. You, Sam, and Bucky went chasing after them.

You made your way to the front of the building to see a crowd of people with their phones out. That's when you saw it.

John proudly holding onto a bloody shield. A man dead on the floor.

You felt sick. You could taste the bile rise up to your mouth as you swallowed it down. With one hand rested in your stomach and the other on your mouth you turned unable to look at the scene in front of you. Concerned Bucky pulled you in with one arm hiding your face into his shoulder.

You tried taking deep breaths and closing your eyes but you could see John plunging the shield into that poor man's body. Of course you'd gone on missions before and seen blood, injuries, and sometimes death. But this was the most gruesome thing you'd ever lay your eyes on. You could hear everything that was going on and prayed for it to end.

When it finally did Sam motioned for you and Bucky to follow him, "You go on we'll catch up." Sam gave you a concerned glance. He didn't want to leave you considering how sick you looked but he also couldn't allow John to getaway. He nodded to Bucky before running after John.

Bucky lowered his head to look you in the eyes and put his hands on your shoulders keeping you a small distance away, "Are you up for this? If not you can sit this one out no one will judge you." His eyes filled with worry as he examined your face.

Your eyes were to the ground as you took some more breaths in calming yourself down. A few seconds later you nodded looking up to lock eyes with him, "Let's take the shield back."

@majo240820 @yougottalovefandoms @sebstanfan123 @twpkhes

#tfatws #the winter solider fanfiction #the falcon #the falcon and the winter solider spoilers #Bucky Barnes #james buchanan barnes #the winter soilder #The Avengers #mcu #marvel #marvel imagine #imagine #fanfic #Sebastian Stan

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