#i mean i cant force it none of my close friendships were forced

[sakasamashoujo]

need to make new friends. need to form more connections with people. but how.

[thefanficmonster]

Stranger In The Crowd

Corpse Husband x Reader (Female)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently ended the process of moving, Y/N is rightfully very tired but also very excited for the new chapter of her life. Funnily enough, this new chapter includes a newly formed long distance friendship/crush with a very special person from San Diego.

Requested by @boiled-onionrings Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and I’m really sorry you’ve had to wait so long for it to be posted but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I let out a heavy sigh, relieved to finally be at home after such a long day of standing around in the Georgia heat with only a thin layer of fabric to protect my eyes and head from the scorching sun. Yeah, anyone who says that tent did well at protecting everyone under it today is nothing but a liar. I was in a short, strapless white summer dress, the fabric of which barely had any weight and consistency to provide heat of its own yet I still damn near melted. Ok, I’ll admit, some of the roasting heat probably came from the energy and force I put into singing the songs of my band’s new album ‘Starting At The End’. 

The mini concert we held in this large open field was meant as an introduction to the city of Savannah where all the band members - myself included - are actually from but we all moved to the West Coast to pursue our music career. And now that we’ve grown, and the majority of us are married, one of us is a father now as well, we’ve decided to return to our hometown. The decision was so spontaneous and was executed so quickly due to no one objecting to it that it still hasn’t me that I’m no longer in LA. The heat isn’t helping my ‘processing’ process but I’ll get to it eventually. Do I miss LA though? Not sure I do - I think I more miss the people I was closer to while I was there.

Suddenly, as if perfectly timed, my phone dings, notifying me that I’ve received a message. I don’t have to look to know it’s from - there’s only one person I actively text and his name is....

C ~ Your virtual buddy Corpse here, making sure you didn’t die of a heatstroke today. If you did indeed survive, just reply to this message, if not....don’t do anything, I guess.

I can’t help but giggle at the sight of the message. I promised Corpse I’d text him after the concert to let him know I was ok, but the even dragged out for longer than anticipated so I’m guessing he got worried.

How cute.

Me ~ Alive and well, but I do feel like a popped tire of an overloaded truck. Hope that’s a visually appealing description

Corpse and I met on the charity livestream Jacksepticeye organized and invited our band to so we could play Among Us with some of the best gamers and streamers on the internet. It was a huge honor and a ton of fun, definitely an event I’d like to repeat in the near future because I had such a good time and I know all my bandmates did too. We all got acquainted and even became official friends with the gamers that were practically our hosts, Corpse becoming the closest friends I’d earn. That livestream happened months ago and we still text just as consistently.

C ~ Oh I know EXACTLY what you mean. Anyway, as to not exhaust you further to force you into typing, how about you send me pictures to sum up your thoughts and emotions and plans for the evening

This is OUR THING trademark, mine and Corpse’s and no one can take it away from us. It’s a significant element of our friendship that enables us both to understand one another when one of us feels the way I described in my message - a popped tire or a deflated balloon. I’m usually the exhausted one - blame the many shows we do and the many meet-and-greets we organize for our lovely fans. It’s the type of exhaustion none of the band members mind at all, but we definitely need some time to recover from it.

As I go to sit down on my couch, the flower crown I’ve been wearing slips off the top of my head, falling on the floor, creating a soft noise that attracts the attention of one of my many cats - Sasha. She’s the youngest and most curious kitty in the family, always protected by the other four - Luna, Cassie, Silver and Lynn. Those four are far lazier and a lot more disinterested in comparison to Sasha who immediately runs over to see what’s fallen.

I smile to myself, taking the flower crown and undoing it to lessen it by a few stems to make it smaller, all the while being watched by the curious Sasha whose interest is rewarded in the end when I put the now adorably tiny flower crown on her head.

While she still hasn’t shaken the thing off I manage to snap a pic which I send to Corpse who opens it mere seconds after it was delivered. 

C ~ Sasha’s pulling off your aesthetic better than you. Sorry, someone had to let you know

I burst out laughing for two reasons - 1.The message itself, damn it! It’s hilarious; 2. Corpse has learnt the name of each one of my cats and never mixes them up - not even Luna and Lynn who look almost identical. That amount of attention to detail is astonishing and very meaningful to me, it genuinely warms my heart and that may or may not be dramatic but it’s definitely not exaggerated.

Me ~ You think I haven’t caught on yet? 

C ~ Well, if it makes you feel any better you pull off my aesthetic better than I do

He’s referring to the e-girl look I did for one show the band had in downtown LA one night. I was drunk and looking forward to trying new things so I improvised the hell out of my outfit but I apparently looked presentable enough to leave a good impression on Corpse despite the pic I sent him being a bit blurry and being a mirror selfie in the bathroom of the very bar we were performing in. It goes without saying that the mirror was dirty too - had a bunch of writing on it which Corpse said only added to the aesthetic. Looking back on it now I kinda agree, and luckily so did the fans in the comments of that same photo when I posted it on Instagram.

Me ~ Means a lot actually. Nowhere near enough to aid the burn of having a cat pull off cottagecore better than I do, but still helps XD

As if sensing that we’re talking about her, Sasha hops on the couch, poking her head over my phone to look down at the screen.

Now this is gonna be golden.

I take a selfie with my phone in my lap, the camera capturing both me and Sasha at a rather unflattering angle which has me losing my mind laughing when I send the picture to Corpse who immediately sends back a string of cry-laughing emojis.

C ~ I can’t tell which one of you is cuter

Me ~ If that was a compliment, I gotta say I appreciate it greatly

C ~ Just telling the truth ;)

It’s times like these that the butterflies in my stomach remind me just why I’ve started catching feelings for this man despite all the distance between us and despite barely knowing him - he knows me more than I know him but I don’t mind it, oddly enough.

I’m fond of our connection and though I sometimes dream of something more, I’m also content with what we already have considering that ‘something more’ seems rather unattainable as of now.

My phone dings again, clearing the fog of thoughts and presenting me with a new message from Corpse.

C ~ Oh, by the way, look what I got....

That message is followed up by a picture of a ticket. A plane ticket to Georgia! 

While I’m still busy stomaching this and dealing with my quickly rising excitement, he sends another message.

C ~ I hope to catch a The Silver Rays concert while I’m there. Heard they had an adorable frontwoman ;)

My breath catches in my throat as a wide grin spreads across my face. The thought of having Corpse so close to me sends those aforementioned butterflies in my stomach into a raving mood and they practically explode my insides with excitement and joy like I’ve never felt it before. I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that we’re about to go from having an entire country between us, to being just some ways away - him in the audience and me on stage without a single clue of who to look for. That’s part of the excitement though, I guess, part of the guessing game that’s gonna make our meeting all the more interesting.

He’ll be a stranger in the crowd and I’ll be a performer on a stage - seemingly two people who have no relation whatsoever. But damn does it go beyond that: No one has to know how hard I’m falling for that stranger in the crowd.

Me ~ I’ve heard so too, can’t confirm it though

If this is gonna be a guessing game, I’ll flip the tables a bit - I won’t take any guesses. I’ll let the answer come to me. I’ll give the first move over to the stranger in the crowd, let’s see what he does.

C ~ I’ll check and let you know, don’t worry

Not worried whatsoever, Corpsie. I’m not worried at all.

@maat-the-prescriptive  @simonsbluee  @save-the-sky  @itsminniekat  @hacker-ghost  @bi-andready-tocry  @imtiredaffff  @jazzkaurtheglorious  @hereforbeebo  @fandomgirl17  @chrysanthykios  @maehemscorpyus  @loraleiix  @letsloveimagines  @annshit  @i-cant-choose-a-username-help  @enigmaticmaze  @divine-artemis  @waterlilypat  @idontknowwhatthisisfam  @evi-ka  @classyandfabulous00  @redperson58  @lilysdaydreams @solowheein  @mythicalamphitrite  @axen-gers  @luckygirl144  @nj01  @buddyemily   @the-albino-lioness  @stardream14  @gdhdkfnn  @nomadicgypsyy  @preciousskye  @fluffysuicideunicornsworld  @o-kaelin  @manacharlotte  @awkward-youtube-trash  @lolalee24  @bonky-beerns  @meme-lord-and-savior-sebastian  @strawbrinkofdeath  @teenloves  @tams0527  @browneyespinkhair  @starstruckllamapuppy  @daisychains012  @y0ulooked  @tinytacosuitcaseflap @supernatural-is-my-only-life  @jula-pauline  @melodykitty  @just-that-bi-girl  @crazybutconfidentaf  @lowellshade @alphakees  @bellero  @weallneednamjesus  @starryhanji  @boiled-onionrings  @husherstan  @fockingwhore  @melaningoddessthings  @prettypastelpetals  @haleypearce  @godwhyamiawkward  @y-napotat  @daisychainyoonmin  @little-miss-rebel3  @free-wheelin-bi-sexual  @redmoon261 @darkacademic2  @wiseflamingoqueen  @into-the-end  @namikhai-i  @nastiablr  @thelittleplantlover  @mirktuan  @dont-hyuck @jjk-bunny  @vintagegothlover  @easygoingtheatre  @itsrandombooklover  @miiaivi  @emmybaybee  @befourgolden  @jjk-is-my-shit  @eternalteaaars  @spacebadgerx  @princesslunalight  @acequinn14  @samm48  @misselsbells06 @simp-lykawa  @fo-love  @marishimomura-blog  @therealglenncoco  @cinnamonbun332  @killtherandomness  @sanshinexxxsan  @fee-btheweeb  @press-lay  @cathleenpotgieter16  @jazzydoesstuff  @moonlxghtbay  @forestrain2000  @hyunjinhugs  @blood-of-fandoms  @lovellylies  @ukiyolixx  @simpforhpcharacters  @chrisdylan17  @parkerjisung  @pedernille  @theodonyous  @wineandionysus  @malfoystilinskii05  @morbid-x  @coryisagee  @jessewa26  @scoobydooluver97 @mindintheskies365  @raeanneinwonderland  @indecisive-empanada  @gluttonypalace  @loriane2503  @btsiguess-kpop  @khaoticbunny  @lucidlycactus  @smiithys  @rottenroyalebooks  @kpopgirlbtssvt  @fangirl-tc27  @fr0z3n-1  @notmesimpingfortechno  @shotarosleftpinky  @kunoi-chan  @idk-whats-wrong-with-me  @yikeroonie  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @poetry-and-tea  @ama-do-writing-stuff  @wishbonewolf  @emeraldxhope  @t0xick1tty  @kusuinko  @speakyourselfloveyourself  @sophia902103  @lo-manburg  @classsykittykat  @dmgama  @depressedpuppythatneedscoffee  @btsiguess-kpop  @akaashi-baby  @gun-jong-simp  @geschichtenfee  @yerapotato-wp  @browneyedgirl365  @thysagclub  @sparklycloudnight  @helloatomicshadow  @queentorresstuff @vtte @val-gal  @lucy-bunny17  @aaliyahh0  @katluckybear  @boyleanti  @straybids  @franchesca-791  @cosmicstorm19  @averyisbackinthetrashcan  @aomi-nabi  @xlanawriter  @allensimpsforcorpse  @sunnyrae-cessh  @ladykxxx08  @meowiemari  @renupf  @booklover76  @sra-verissimo

[slashingdisneypasta]

Jack Bass x Younger!Reader || Oneshot

Title: Bass's.

Notes:

I have no idea when this is supposed to be set. Just go with it.

I have two things to say about Jack in this gif, though. 1. Does he not know how to carry a tray. And 2. I love this statement, here. Its like 'Bart's Dead, Chuck. I can barely contain my joy, Chuck. Its taking all my willpower, Chuck, to keep a monotonous expression. Also Chuck I am carrying a tray, do you see this?'

Plot: Bart Bass decides to be his creepy fucking self (Not that Jack is exponentially better in any way but whatever) towards you, Chuck's best friend- but thankfully, Jack accidentally walks in on the scene and gives you a get out of jail free card.

Good old 'lesser of two evils' shit. I love stuff like that.

Warnings: BART BASS being predatory, and a bit of age difference (You and Jack. I'm going by actors ages though so there's only a, like, 11 year age gap between him and Chuck which is not that bad if you ask me). Sexual references.

~~~

Chuck looks from his phone, that's flashing Blairs name, to you and your big, wide eyes and lips mouthing 'Don't you dare', then to his father quietly tapping away on his phone on the couch a few feet away... then back at his phone.

"Charles- " You hiss, prepared to threaten his very existence but he cuts you off first- slipping off the bar stool beside you and heading for the hallway.

"I'm going to go to the bathroom."

Why am I friends with him again!? You think, but stay quiet and hope that Bart doesn't realise that you're back there despite having said hello to you earlier when he came in. You think, if you stay quiet like a mouse, he will forget your existence and keep texting until Chuck gets back- although, who knows how long he and Blair can go on for.

Depends what its about, honestly. If its about revenge or espionage... well, the conversation could last quite some time.

Should I just leave?

The impulse to run away is a strong one, as you sit there with your cheeks heating up and you start to feel nauseated. You never liked Bart Bass, from the moment you met him. Before that, actually. You had heard Chuck talking about him to Nate before you even became friends with them, and none of what you heard was good. And then you did meet him, one day when Chuck invited you over to do a school project. Or 'school project' as he so obnoxiously put it. You really did end up just doing a school project, though. Hence your friendship nowadays. Bart was creepy towards you even then, at 16 with terribly died hair and the wrong eyeshadow.

You've been very careful since then to never be alone with him like this. You would talk to him at parties if you were forced to, say hello to him when Chuck had you at his place and the man walked by, but that is the extent of your communication with the creep. Always, always, someone would be around. Chuck, mostly. But also staff, or Nate, or random fundraiser ladies, or Jack who Chuck the bastard never left alone with all willy-nilly like this, unfortunately, or Lily, or literally anyone else possible on the earth.

You've even hidden away in the men's bathroom, which is disgusting no matter how expensive the restaurant, with Nate before to get away from this man when Chuck once ditched you both at a dinner with him. And that's the story of how you got your first kiss, too, and it was from Nate Archibald. Hell yes.

That's how much this man makes you want to grab your bag and flee.

But you don't. You stay glued to your seat, super still, listening only to the tap-tap-tapping noises that Bart makes and the bump-bump-bump noises your heart is making right into your throbbing ears.

Until it stops.

Not the bump-bump-bumping, oh no. The tapping. And, nightmarishly, it's replaced by a groan and footsteps coming towards your turned back.

"Y/N," As soon as he says your name, his hands fall on your your shoulders and you literally jump under his touch. Shit- Shit- Fuck- what's happening- "I've been meaning to speak with you recently but Chuck- ah. Well you know him. He refused to share with me your telephone number. But I knew you'd turn up here at some point, so not to worry."

"Uh... right." You cant even force yourself to be your normal, cheery, polite self in this position. You just want him to get. off. of. you.

"Did you want a drink?" He asks, in that possibly cheery (But only because its slightly louder then his usual husk level) but mostly still scary voice he uses to convey emotion, letting go of you thankfully and rounding to the other side of the bar. You shake your head, though. He raises his brows, picking out a scotch for himself. "You don't drink? Shocking, seeing as you're friends with my son."

Oh I drink. You think, giving him a shrug. Just not in situations like this one. Also, what must he think of Chuck? Jesus Christ. For sure, your boy likes debauchery but what's wrong with that?

"Well, I like that." Bart pauses before pouring his drink, to appreciate you. "Mature."

Damn it. It makes your skin absolutely crawl.

"So... " You take a deep breath, tucking your hair back behind your ears rather then ruffling it back like you usually would to get it out of your face- lest that be recognised as some kind of extremely subtle form of flirting. God, fear makes you think weird things. "What did you want to discuss?"

"Oh- Just, your future. Where are you going to school? Will you be sticking close to us?"

Us? US? No, I'll be far far away, from you.

You don't really want to tell Bart where you're going to be going to school, because in your fear addled brain you know that that will just lead to 'Which campus?', or 'Where will you be staying?' and you really don't want it to go there.

You're just taking another, shakier deep breath, when the front door of the apartment opens and shuts loudly and set of feet trample down the hallway towards you. Immediately total relief plashes over you and you wipe your face. Oh, thank god.

Jack Bass appears in the doorway to the living room, looking as put-together yet somehow simultaneously still totally relaxed, as always, and forces aa polite smile onto his handsome face. "Brother. Y/N? Its good to see you."

You have no idea. "Good to see you too Jack. Uh- Chuck's in the bathroom."

"Thanks. For that... enlightening, information, Y/N. I needed that." You cheeks flare up in embarrassment, but ultimately you just roll your eyes as Jack flashes you a subtle wink, and turns promptly to his - much, - older brother. "Bart."

The older brother in question looks less then pleased at his baby brothers appearance in his home. Right now. And he possibly isn't thrilled about that little wink, either. Like you two are in on some kind of joke together. "Jack... What are you doing here?"

"Simmer down, bro. Just visiting." Even you know that that excuse is weak, but anything that comes out Jack's own monotonous voice right now is blessed where you're concerned so you certainly don't say anything. Or make any faces, which would be more appropriate. "Y/N, I don't think Bart-man here's too happy about my presence." Hm, no. You'd have to agree with that observation- not that you've looked up at Bart since Jack came in. You wont risk it. Jack glides through the room with the practised grace of a man who's lived 3 quarters of his life in suits and the other, happier quarter in board shorts, and ends up right next to your chair, an arm resting on the bench in front of you.

If you weren't already so nervous about Bart, you would blush about Jack.

"At least tell me you're glad to see me."

You grin, which is less forced then you thought it would be prior to trying it. Damn, he's good. You think, realising he just swepped in here and made you comfortable in less then 50 words. "Always, 'Uncle Jack'."

"Oh," He groans, like it physically pained him to hear you tease him like that. A tiny smirk even slips through his usually emotionless - well, not emotionless. He has one standing colour, that being sly, - stone statue of a face. "'Uncle Jack'- Please, stop. I'm barely a decade older then you."

That's enough to make anything else possible, inappropriate. Unfortunately. "Hey, I said I'm glad to see you." You wink, a bit sly yourself. "Count your blessings."

His grin widens a bit, like the dangerously charming Cheshire cat-type that he is. Genes that Chuck inherited, clearly, if his track record with girls say anything at all, but that Bart obviously missed out on. "You've got a point."

"She's a remarkable young woman." Bart pipes up, making your stomach tie itself up in knots again, and you immediately revert your gaze to your lap. Remarkable young woman... you want to barf. "Who, I was actually having a conversation with before you burst in here, unannounced." He takes a slow sip of his drink, then mutters. "And uninvited."

"Well that's great." Jack straightens up, clapping his hands together and finally showing his teeth in a smile. They're really freaken white, compared to his skin, deeply tanned by the hot Australian sun. "A visit would be kinda uncomfortable without a conversation; I'll join. I can converse with the best of 'em, Bart. I assure you."

"It was private." The old man sneers, thinking that he's got the upper hand on Jack, and all you can do is hope to god that he's wrong.

Jack turns his head back to look at you, and you meet his gaze tentatively. Your eyes scream, 'Please don't leave me alone with that guy'. He promptly looks back to Bart. "Well Bart why don't we ask the lady in the room what she wants? We are gentlemen here aren't we?" Then Jack makes a face, all crumpled up and unsure, for a moment. "Err. Well actually... 'gentleman' might be a bold faced lie. We'll ask anyway. Y/N! Do you mind if I weigh in here?"

"Not at all." You say quickly, flashing a tiny, thankful smile. He gives you another wink- this time actually subtle. So Bart didn't see it. Your smile gets a little bit bigger, relaxing. He's got you.

"Great." You watch him pull out the stool beside you, that Chuck - who has still not returned from his phone call with Blair. You assume some, likely cruel vengeance must be involved. Possibly involving that Humphrey guy, - had vacated and settles down in it. He then sets his arms firmly on the bench and looks up attentively at Bart, not breaking eye contact with him. Boy these Bass's like their stare downs. "So?" He prompts, expectantly. And a little arrogantly- a Bass speciality that you truly don't mind at all. "What's on the agenda, today?"

Bart glares heatedly, back.

~

Throughout the awkward discussion between the three of you, which your good friend Chuck has yet to return to discover - at this point you're resigned to him having climbed out the window and scaled the building probably, - , Jack constantly, skilfully changes the subject for you whenever Bart rears to close to somewhere uncomfortable. He makes jokes that make you laugh, he nudges you with his elbow at times - but never touches you any more then that, although you honestly wouldn't mind it if he did, - and takes the attention off you a lot. At times you truly thought you saw steam come out of Bart's ears.

When finally Bart gives up and excuses himself, saying he as an early dinner with Lily, you feel exhausted and relieved. After the door swings shut behind him, you cover your face with your hands and deeply sigh.

"So, what was that about? You looked like a trapped mouse. I recognise that look, I invented that look." You pull back slightly from your hands and glance over at him, to see him thoughtful for a moment. "Well, not by making it. By... causing... it... Either way, it was not good." He shakes his head, taking a sip of his own drink - scotch, - that he made Bart pour for him; Raising his eyebrows at you for an explanation over the rim of the glass.

Jack's always been great, like this. Even when he was horrible, he was the lesser of two evils between him and Bart. Good for a laugh and quality eye candy in a pinch- and that counts for a hell of a lot when it comes to surviving Bart Bass and the Upper East Side. And he had the power and pull of an adult, but knew what the hell was going on like one of you.

So he always made you feel at ease.

You ruffle your hair back, and sigh, straightening your back finally from their hunched over position they live in when you're uncomfortable and pushing back your shoulders. "He was just, saying some weird stuff... and Chuck disappeared to talk to Blair." At that, Jack nods in total understanding. Like ah, yeah. Got ya. Finally, you shrug. "He just makes me really uncomfortable. No offence, but I hate your brother."

As you watch Jack's eyes don't even flicker; He's totally on board with what you've said. Then he finishes the rest of his scotch in one gulp. "Ahh- I hate him too."

"As do we all." Chuck's voice suddenly pops up, as he appears in the doorway like Jack had earlier. You have to practice some serious self control so as to not laugh, at Chuck so coincidentally turning up again at the perfect moment to proclaim his hatred for his father. Jack grins back at Chuck coldly, nodding. Yeah. "Anyway, Y/N, I apologise but I'll be having to abandon you. Blair's waiting for me at her, empty, apartment." He pauses for a moment for dramatic effect, in perfect Chuck Bass fashion, and you roll your eyes, grinning. Jack smirks. "But you're welcome to stick around a while and help yourself to the amenities All on my tab, of course. Good to see you again, Jack." Then he pockets his phone and heads toward the door. The second Bass of the day leaves the building.

"Bye, nephew!" Jack waives as the elevator doors close behind Chuck then swiftly turns around back to you, to which you raise your eyebrows. "So, what do we do now?"

"I dunno." Shrugging you grin and turn your stool to angle your legs towards Jack. "When Chuck says those magical words 'All on my tab'," Those words, oh; You speak them with just as much raw, breathy sexual arousal as the man himself would. As the words demand. 'All on my tab'. Good lord, sex if they were words. "I tend to take advantage."

"An easy girl to please; That's what I like to see." Your cheeks flame up at those words out of Jack's mouth as he turns to look down at the room service menu. Yes, Jack Bass has toed the line, between platonic and flirtatious since the very moment you met the man... but that seemed a little bit more then toeing the line.

And you get a far different reaction to him doing it then you do the other Bass brother.

You don't even really mind the implications of his words.

"You're staying back with me?" You ask, feeling hopeful at the idea.

"Yeah well, I cant in, uh, good conscience," He makes a bit of a show to you, of pressing his hand to his chest totally earnestly as those words 'good conscience' come out of his mouth. "leave you here unguarded in case Bart comes back, can I? Besides, the way you said 'All on my tab'- man, you could sell moonshine at an AA meeting with that voice."

"Ha," You laugh, rolling your eyes and shaking your head. "Well, thanks."

"Oh. Don't thank me. You're just using what uh, your mama gave you. I actually encourage you totally, to do that more often- "

"No!" You exclaim, sighing in exasperation; But there is still a smile on your face you cant seem to shake. "For not leaving, today. When you walked in. It would've sucked if you had, not that I would've blamed you at all."

"Hey, just call me your knight in shining armour." He doesn't look up from the menu, flicking through it. Then turns to you with one of those beach boy/politician, toothless grins of his. "Besides you were automatically, my favourite person in the apartment. I mean, anyone with... uhhh- different, appendages to what I have, instantly gets a one-way ticket access to my rare bouts of chivalry. Now come over here, pick out what you want off here."

You just gape at him and that comment, making him stifle a laugh and return to the menu himself.

Bass's.

[anotherimaginethatblog]

cruise

Pairing: Kenny x OC

Summary: this is cheesy af with all the clichés, but I could not help myself. apologies in advance for the ending. its not my fave but there maybe a part 2.🤷‍♀️ - you and Kenny have had a flirty friendship for years, neither admitting to feelings until a room mix up on the Jericho cruise forces someone’s hand

You would never publicly express it, but you had been excited for this for months. The cruise was the highlight of many pro wrestlers’ year, it was hard work and tiring but also kind of like a vacation. You had sold it yourself as a work trip, when Kenny had asked if you would be attending you gave your usual nonchalant shrug and said, “don’t know I’ll see”, you really wanted to go but the thought of being trapped on a boat with Kenny was hell to you, I mean it is bad enough having a thing for your friend but a friend that you can’t escape? Yeah.

He looked disappointed you noticed, to you he was a good friend you had met on your first tour of japan, hed showed you around and the conversation and good times had flowed. You kept in touch, talking every day, and to Kenny it was a way to feel close to you, the truth was he really liked you and he figured that friendship was better than nothing so over the years you settled into your usual routine of dinner, exploring and video games whenever you happened to be in the same place together. Neither being brave enough to make a move more than the odd kiss goodnight that you would awkwardly forget the next day.

A few days after your non-committal response to Kenny you had replied to the email booking you for an appearance on the cruise, you figured it would be fun and since the boat was so big the chances of actually having to run into him where slim. You were amazing friends, but you were afraid of your feelings getting in the way and ruining what you had spent so long building. The thought of losing him was too much to bear, that and the million questions you would have from your mum if you told her you and Kenney had fallen out. She was convinced he was the perfect man for you, something you denied to her face every time while thinking how right she was in your head.

Arriving at the docks in Miami you had already bumped into a few familiar faces who seemed surprised you actually come along, none more so than Kenny of all people who you just happened to run into while waiting to check in “so much for ill see (Y/N)” he said teasing you.

“hey you” you shot back with a smile “I figured why not, I mean who doesn’t love the Bahamas and being surrounded by fans at every turn” you said turning to look at the mass of fans outside dying for a glimpse of their favourite wrestler.

“and there was me thinking you just wanted to hang out” he laughed. “I’m glad you’re here though, really I am” he replied, you could hear the sincerity in his voice and it gave you a warm feeling that no matter how much you tried to push away, would not leave your body.

“booking under (Y/N)” you said as you stepped up to the desk.

“one moment let me just get my supervisor” said the assistant behind the desk, after completing multiple attempts to book you in. this was not your first rodeo, and you knew this never ended well. “I’m so sorry miss, we have your reservation but I’m afraid due to a mistake you haven’t been allocated a cabin” the poor girl told you, the look on her face bracing herself for your wrath.

“okay, so where am I supposed to sleep? A lounger on deck?!” you replied attempting to keep your cool.

“what’s up?” Kenny cut in before you could continue your tirade at the poor girl behind the desk.

“so, I’m booked on the cruise but they don’t have a cabin for me, I mean how does that even work” you sassed looking directly at the assistant.

“just stay with me, I have a suite so there’s room, you take the bed ill sleep in the lounge its fine” he said.

“you can’t sleep on the couch in your own room Kenny, ill just call the agent and let them know I’m cancelling, I’m not doing this” you quickly answered him

“woah, wait. You cant cancel and your here now, it’s not like we haven’t roomed before it’ll be fine” said Kenny softly grabbing your arm to stop you leaving.

“fine, if that’s okay I will. But I’m not happy about it no offence” you added.

“none taken” said Kenny as he approached the desk.

“what’s up with you?” asked matt Jackson as you were waiting for Kenny to finish sorting your situation

“well….cruise line messed up my booking, sharing with Kenney’s you started

“check in girl flirting with your boyfriend” matt interjected.

“wow, no, okay why would you even…” you trailed off. Matt wasn’t stupid, hed known you and Kenny long enough to see the way you looked at each other and knew you where both stubborn enough to not do anything about the sexual tension between you two.

“look, I see the way he looks at you and you at him, plus the way you act around each other you may as well be dating” he said “just do yourselves a favour and work your shit out” he finished before walking off to talk his family.

Kenny approached you after standing back so he could watch you and matt talking, he wasn’t dumb, he knew what matt had said to you. He said it to Kenny often enough “ you ready to go” he said smiling at you offering you your own key to his suite.

“sure I need to change after travelling all day anyways” you said trying to act cool but you knew you where coming across as a bitch.

After making your way to your room, arguing over who was taking the bed (Kenny insisted you take it) and a quick shower and change you where finally doing your favourite thing; sitting in the lounge with a large tequila and tonic. Kenny was nursing a coke zero, he didn’t drink but being around you when you did made all those feelings begin to bubble to the surface, because he knew what was coming. When you drank you got chatty, and you made him promises you (and he) knew you wouldn’t remember in the morning. “stop looking at me like that, it makes me nervous” you told him laughing

“what?! I cant look at you now” he laughed “you shouldn’t be so pretty” he finished making you blush but want to leave immediately.

“why do you do this?, tease me then go back to just pretending we can only be friends” you stated oblivious to the gang sat around the table with you. You got up to leave and Kenny could only stare open mouthed not sure how to reply.

“(Y/N) come back I didn’t mean to upset you” he pleaded, you knew he hadn’t but you couldn’t take another round of the flirting that would lead to a kiss before you both woke up the next day pretending it hadn’t happened.

“go after her you dumbass” hangman said over the rim of his glass “secretly that’s what women want when they make that dramatic exit” earning laughs from your friends around the table. Gingerly Kenny got up and made his way to your room, if things got too awkward he could always room with hangman or nakazawa.

“(Y/N)” Kenny softly said knocking on the bedroom door “open up for me, I’m sorry I upset you. I just cant do this anymore” he said sadly.

“do what, you don’t want to be my friend anymore?” you asked sadly, stepping out the room closer to him. You where not drunk by any means but the strong drink had made you a little brave and he stiffened when you gently touched his shoulder leading him to sit on the couch.

“no, (Y/N). I don’t want to be your friend anymore” he replied. “I want more, id be lying to myself and you if I wasn’t honest. Its killing me to lie, I think we can be more than friends, we are both adults and I’ve wanted more for a long time. If you don’t that’s cool, but I cant do this anymore I’m sorry” he blurted out, all his words coming out at once. Looking visibly relieved and worried all at once.

You knew he was right, you had got to know each other on a level so deep you where practically a long distance couple, suddenly that bravery lept up and out of you and before you knew it you kissed him. He was shocked at first but soon returned it, deepening it “ we really gonna do this (Y/N)” he asked breathless “we gonna make out then pretend we didn’t over breakfast”.

“no, not this time” you replied kissing him again. “I’m sorry weve danced around each other for so long, I should have had the balls to tell you how I felt” you told him staring into his eyes, he could see all the sincerity and vulnerability you had in you at that moment and he knew you could see the same in his.

“I want this to work” said Kenny, “I want you (Y/N)” he stated,

“right now, here on the couch” you smirked, he knew your humour and knew you full stop. “at least take me out to dinner first” you teased .

“you know what I mean” he replied giving you that jaw dropping smile of his “but I mean, if you’re serious. I could eat” he laughed.

“shut up omega” you laughed kissing him again, he moaned into the kiss and you knew that was a sound you wanted to hear again. Maybe the cruise messing up your room was fate you though to yourself. Before getting distracted by some wandering hands.

“I was serious about dinner though ken” you deadpanned after breaking the kiss Making him laugh. Which was slowly becoming your favourite sound … after the kissy moaning.

[neocityarchive]

blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head. 

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out. 

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech. 

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again. 

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise. 

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next. 

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard. 

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?” 

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang. 

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close. 

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say. 

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him. 

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak. 

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You:  i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question. 

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. 

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed.  “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked. 

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it. 

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

[xayneimagines]

Sparing with Buffy

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Buffy x Reader( Gender-neutral) 

Warnings: N/A 

Genre: Fluff

Summary:  Buffy wants to get in some training before the date and Y/N is pretty bad at saying no to her. 

Word Count: 6475

  “So...now let me get this straight. I let you beat me up a little in training, then we get the movies and have a chill rest of the night?” Y/n placed their jacket to the side of the training room before they moved back towards the center, watching Buffy jump up and down to get her energy flowing. The Slayer grinned and nodded before settling into a fighting position, fists raised and a fire burning in her eyes that made Y/N swoon a little more. 

  “Yep. Train then chill. C’mon, get ready! I wont go easy on you just cause you’re cute!” Her energy was as high as usually as she waited for Y/N to prepare themselves, knowing the other wasn’t always enthused about being a glorified punching bag but willing to make the sacrifice so that she could actually get better. 

  “You need another vampire to do this with. I’m not even a good fighter.” Y/n complained but complied, knowing that if it were Xander or Giles instead, the fight wouldn’t be able to last nearly as long and Buffy would have to focus on not hurting them. When their friendship started, Y/N never expected they would be helping the Slayer and the gang out in too many ways, but the vampire was pretty glad they had a more clear purpose now.  

  “Well, see! Then this is great for you too! You always talk about wanting to patrol with us.” As Buffy spoke, her movements began, a punch followed up by a kick that was easily blocked by Y/N before having them returned to her. “And what better way then to spar with little ol’ me!”

  “No, I said I wanna go out at night with you. Not patrolling, just out.” Y/N let out a grunt as one of Buffy’s feet collided with their chest. They quickly grabbed her ankles and flipped her, but the agile slayer landed on her hands and feet easily before lunging back into an attack. 

  “Well I during the night equals fighting and you during the day equals dusting so we have to compromise here!” Left hook, right jab, roundhouse kick. Both of them traded blows back and forth, Y/N only able to keep up so well thanks to being a vampire, but damn were they starting to realize just how much they needed  to improve. They were by no means a force to be reckoned with, and while they didn’t mind Buffy protecting them, they didn’t want to add to Buffy’s stress. 

  “Fine, but we better at least get to do some date things. Oooo, I can bring you flowers and we can put them on the graves where vampires about to come up!” Y/N almost sounded excited as they joked about it, the image in their head almost being a distraction as they threw a few punches. 

  Buffy rolled her eyes before quickly grabbing one of the punches that was thrown at her, twisting Y/N and practically throwing them. Buffy was pleasantly surprised when she saw the vampire catch themselves, a big improvement from when they had first met. 

  “Fine, we can do date things and patrol. But we are not giving the vampires my flowers.” She pouted which made Y/N laugh and nod in agreement. The fight continued on from there, Y/N barely scrapping by but contributing just enough of a fight so that Buffy couldn't let her guard down. Y/N may have been knew to fighting in general, but they found that if Buffy was involved then they could try anything at least once. 

  Minutes turned into an hour before Buffy finally flipped Y/N onto their back, imaginary stake on their heart while she panted with a confident smile. 

  “I win!” She cheered, ignoring Y/N small groan of pain as they moved to sit up. 

  “Yep, you win. Time for my runner up trophy though, right?” Y/N grinned from ear to ear, causing Buffy to roll her eyes once again before placing a kiss on the vampires forehead. 

  “What?? Just forehead kisses? Not even a cheek?”

  “No cheek till after the movie...and I actually mean cheek kiss, so don’t even think about it!” Buffy kept a stern look on her face as she helped them up, but Y/N took no offense to the teasing. They were taking things a little slow so that Buffy could build more trust in them, and Y/N didn’t mind that one bit. They already heard the stories about Angel and what happened with the older vampire as well as stories from the boys at college, so when Buffy asked if they wouldn't mind being slow about Y/N eagerly agreed. 

  “Finnneeee… We’re watching a horror movie though.” They stated, wiping at their own pants to make sure none of the dust from the floor was clinging to them.

  “Why do you like those so much? Aren't you the horror movie?” Buffy asked, assisting Y/N by picking a piece of fuzz from their hair. Buffy didn’t mind horror movies for the most part, though they had both agreed to no apocalypse themed ones unless zombies were involved. 

  “Hey, I liked them before I was turned. I cant help that fate thought it would be funny to make me into this...though it is like, really funny because I do have a Dracula costume from when I was a kid.” They chuckled and grabbed Buffy’s hand lightly, moving it down from their hair and placing a small kiss to the back of it before letting go. 

  “Okay, but don’t think I’ll cling to you because I’m scared or anything.” Buffy narrowed her eyes up at Y/N who continued to smile down at her.

  “Babe, that’s sweet you think I’m so brave, but I’m the one clinging to you when the jump scares start.” Y/N made their way to grab up their jacket, putting their arms through the denim material before letting Buffy wrap her arms around one of theirs. Buffy let out a small giggle as they started to make their way out of the training room and into the magic shop. 

  “Guess that’s true. I’ll be your knight and shining armor then.”

  “And I’ll be the member of royalty that was abandoned to a cruel fate prior to your rescuing. I owe you my gratitude, but all I have to offer is this handkerchief token and some poorly baked pie.” Y/N had moved to open the door, letting Buffy sort of lead the way outside but the two of them still being tied together by her arms. When the door shut behind them, Y/N fished the key out of their back pocket and locked the door, smiling at the fact that they were trusted enough by Giles for such an important task. 

  “Is...that a reference of some kind?” Buffy tilted her head as she questioned the vampires words, watching their expression closely enough to realize they were just rambling nonsensical things once again. 

  “No, I just kind of wanna make pie later. I miss pie.”

  “Ah, and I’m sure the pastry misses you.” One of Buffy’s hands moved to pat at the vampires head, earning another laugh from them before they continued on.

[draggingthedregs]

as i said earlier, it is an ungodly length but i hope you can enjoy my late night, book-drunk opinions anyway!

***

guess who just finished “ruin and rising”?

i’m seriously not okay. someone send help. i got lots of thoughts, none of which you are obligated to read but this seems like the best place to share.

oh and spoilers, duh.

for starters. woah.

i can’t say it was what i expected but i had known that what my heart really wanted was kinda far out of reach. the ending felt real and feasible, complete with love and loss.

in terms of “ruin and rising” alone, i think it was possibly the strongest of the three books. the pacing was good, nothing felt like it dragged on too long or went too fast for its own good. i think that was really important as well, considering the fact that there was always something going on. literally,, always. no one ever got a damn break.

mal’s “death” hurt me more then i had expected. which honestly leads back to one of my main gripes with this story. the love square (which i elaborate on later in this post, just hold on a bit). i’m not going to lie. i hated mal. through the middle of “siege and storm” up to page 168 of “ruin and rising” (and even then it was a long road from hate to crying over him). he was an ass, i think we can all admit that. for awhile there, i even jumped on the “fuck mal” train and had no plans to stop at any station anytime soon. for the longest time, the relationship with alina felt so fragile and forced, like the only reason it existed was because leigh had written it into existence. though, as i read on, i saw why it was so strained and saw the eventual resolution, which i will admit i was happy with. mal and alina, however annoying and troupe filled their personalities were, did develop as characters. and their relationship made some semblance of sense in the grand scheme of things. does that mean i forgive the “on-again-off-again”, “cold-shoulder”, “we-cant-be-together-in-this-lifetime” bullshit? no. does that mean i suddenly love mal? also, no. does that mean i ship them? ugh slightly. does that mean in a magical dream world where i got to chose what happened, they’d still end up together? impossible to say. BUT i can say, that they deserved each other. and i am happy that they got their peace together like they both always wanted (no matter how out of place it felt at any point), especially considering the fact that she literally had to kill him.

my dear dear darkling... i knew what fate awaited you and yet, when the time came... it hurt just the same.

okay,, that was a bit dramatic. but come on. leigh wrote a damn good villain with aleksander morozova. i meAN, thE lAYERS. he was a horrible person and yet, so many of us still love him. he killed for fun, manipulated no matter the cost, preyed upon the weak because he could, literally blinded his own mother and still! i can’t help but love him. there was so much human woven into his darkness. the moments of simple longing, of exhaustion, of loneliness. in all honesty, if there had been a way to humanize him, to erase or explain away his atrocities and have him just be aleksander again, i feel like i would do it. but, in the context of the story i do understand why it wasn’t possible. redemption for the darkling was off the table, no matter how much humanity still remained. but that’s what makes him such a good character. you want him to be different because you can see the good and all the potential for things to change, for them to rule ravka side by side, but at the same time, he’s the same man who is still actively creating more shadow demon creatures to eat whoever he wishes. you can’t resist him and that’s why he’s so wonderful, yet horrifying at the exact same time. (though don’t worry i am still a trash can and the darklina ship is still superior in the love square. again, i promise i will get there).

i feel like i have to talk about how much i loved the “secondary characters” (i struggle to call them that because they actually run this shit). i will say, at first, i hated zoya. i am not a big fan of the “mean girl” troupe or the “i’m-prettier-than-you-and-i-know-it” thing but... she really grew on me. i looked forward to zoyas comments and constant bitchiness, as did the characters in the books. and when she left the note and the blue kefta with alina in the epilogue,, oh god my heart. and the ragtag crew of grisha making up the remainder of the second army were amazing. their banter and dialogue were some of my favorite scenes to read in “ruin and rising” and i want books just filled with them and only them. david and genya deserve the damn world, adrik was so great, nadia and tamar are so precious, and i will miss harshaw’s weird ass more then you’ll ever know. don’t even get me started on misha and oncat. they are the true stars of this series, you cannot convince me otherwise. god i love them all so much, what a brilliant cast of characters. except the apparat. fuck the stupid ass apparat.

i know what you’re thinking. “you forgot nikolai.” no. i promise you, i most certainly did not. i just love him so much he gets his own chunk.

i mean, how could he not? he’s one of those rare, genuinely perfect characters that are impossible to not love. and i don’t mean perfect because he has no flaws or he’s written unnaturally, i mean perfect because of all of his flaws. he is arrogant and calculating, brash and unapologetic in his ways, but he’s also kind and caring, witty and charming and way too clever for his own good. i rooted for him more then i have ever rooted for someone in my entire life. he made everything ten times better. you can always count on his ass to pop up in a flying ship with a shiny pair of boots, a witty remark, a new plan, and too many ideas.

now, the important business... the ominous love square.

i think the words i used were “one of my main gripes with the story” which is true, but i think leads to a bigger issue with some of the characterization in the story. the “love square” was a term i thought of in relation to the many overlapping and confusing ships that center around alina (obviously being mal, the darkling, and nikolai). all of the ships were so entertwined and written over top of one another that there was no other way for me to describe it and the square seemed like a nice enough analogy. it just felt like way too much on everybody’s plates.

i love nikolai and alinas friendship. i mean, LOVED it. because i loved it so much, i found the little nods to a ship odd and unnecessary. their story line was very focused on the fact that ravka would need a king and queen, hence the scene where he gives her the emerald and all but proposes right then and there. however, that scene would have made scene and carried the same weight had there not been the splashes of romance both before and after. now, i understand why people ship them. and honestly, if under different circumstances, i probably could’ve and would’ve shipped them myself. they would have had one of the best marriages in a society where you didn’t get to marry for love. but it just made everything more complicated. people would’ve speculated on a ship had there been no kisses or pining, soley based on the possibility of a marriage and because of their close friendship so, why was the canon addition of it necessary? i just couldn’t get behind it when i loved their platonic relationship so much and when there were two stronger and more developed ships, waging war in the background.

now, my final bone to be picked... let’s be real for a second, alina in “shadow and bone” sucked. she was annoying and had no personality beyond being a sad, lonely, orphan in the darklings sparkly new grisha world. though i will say, in the later two books, i grew to like her. her character development did its job and i actually think she grew to be a pretty good protagonist. she did her best with the cards she was dealt and i think she did really well. however, her inability to pick a boy constantly bothered me. after being in love with her best friend for literal years, she is really ready to be be the first lady of the second army. and yes. sure you could justify it. she wasn’t getting letters in return, she’d been away for months, she was adapting to her new life, the darkling made her feel seen and wanted which is all a very new feeling to her. but then she goes right back to mal after he makes a confession that he didn’t realize he loved or needed her until she was gone for months (this was one of my biggest problems with mal. my problem only grew when he spent the entirety of “siege and storm” being a dick. but like i said,, we have reconcilied. we are fine now). there were times throughout the series where i genuinely didn’t understand why they were together, why i liked them together, or why i even wanted them to end the series together. alina even asks mal at the end of “ruin and rising” if there entire relationship was based solely on the fact that mal was the last amplifier and the fact that she even had to ask really says something. was their entire romance because of the amplifier? was it because of the “we-are-just-meant-to-be-together” thing? or was there actual chemistry? i really couldn’t tell sometimes. and the darklina ship was even more twisty and winding. he went from telling her deep dark secrets because he wanted to hear the girl he loved say his name to literally threatening everyone she loves because he wants her weak and all to himself. like,, whAt? (again,, layers) and don’t even get me started on the darkling and alina apparition interactions. those were a wild fucking ride. i felt like i was getting manipulated along with the both of them in those. but maybe that was the point of the darkling and alinas relationship. it was supposed to be so horrible yet so electric that you couldn’t pull away. but i doubt the same was meant to be said for mal and alina.

now i feel like i may be coming off in the wrong way. i loved more about this series then i didn’t. but me gushing about every fine detail and conversation that made my heart melt wouldn’t make for the most interesting read, if it was even coherent. all in all, i think it’s safe to say the grisha trilogy is great. does that mean it doesn’t have flaws? of course not. does that mean the flaws outweigh the good and the actual point of the story? absolutely not. my small complaints about a few things really do not take always from the fact that i love this series. i would love anything written by leigh bardugo, especially in the grishaverse.

if you’ve made it this far, that’s commitment. thank you brave soldier. don’t take anything i’ve said with anything more than a grain of salt. seriously. if this is your favorite series, don’t let my lil complaints ruin your day. because really, the good outweighs the bad here tenfold. i’m just a girl with a lot of opinions and a platform to share them at four am... it’s a dangerous game.

but, goodbye grisha trilogy. you have served me well and i will return to reread you soon. but for now i will do a lot of writing (i already have so many fic ideas brewing) and read all the fan fiction and tumblr posts i’ve been avoiding for fear of spoilers.

[pumpkinpaix]

You were paging Saint Seiya fans? I’d lay serious money that someone involved in the production of “The Untamed: The Walking Dead” was an Andromeda Shun fan; watch how they have WQL using his chains.

(anon,,,, you unlocked hidden dialogue,,,,,, i’m. sorry, but also?? not sorry. im literally listening to nebula chain on repeat right now, and I can still fucking sing along to like, every lyric and i memorized this back when i was 12 and couldn’t speak japanese lol)

GOD MY LITERAL EXACT THOUGHT as SOON as I saw the trailer!! when i say i screamed!!!!! :’D

i mean check out my tags on the post;;;

[ID: screenshot of my tags on the trailer for cql: the living dead. relevant tags read: #cant believe my character type remains soft boy who controls pointy chains #wen ning #or #andromeda shun #you decide HAHAHA /end ID]

in case anyone is wondering what we’re talking about:

[ID: screenshot of wen ning and sizhui from the trailer of the living dead. wen ning is holding glowing orange chains that float around him like snakes or ribbons with triangular pointed ends, dressed in a dark cloak. /end ID]

[ID: screenshot of andromeda shun from saint seiya (omega), holding a glowing pink chain that floats around him like a ribbon/snake with a pointed triangular end, dressed in a dark cloak /end ID]

(got a little uhh, deep in the weeds, so here’s a readmore)

andromeda shun remains a really important character to me, for both his embodiment of kindness and the radical gender space he occupied. like!! look here. hyoshun was the very first queer ship I let myself care about, and I felt enormously transgressive about it when I wrote them having a single kiss in a oneshot i never published because I was scared to. I still have it in a notebook upstairs! maybe i could post it now, ahahahahah. baby’s first queer story!! :D

i was really disappointed with the decision to cisswap him in the netflix adaptation because it felt like an undoing of so much that made his character compelling. there was something so extraordinarily powerful about a character who was completely confident in his masculinity, regardless of what other people said, regardless of what kind of gender roles he occupied: he cried easily and freely, in happiness and sorrow, was violent only as a last resort, chose kindness over everything else, fought under an explicitly female constellation, with an extremely feminine armor design (pink with pseudo-boob plates LMFAO), but was also the most powerful member of the team, the first bronze saint to access the eighth sense (i think?? oh my god someone canon-check me, it’s been a LONG time since I read/watched it), and canonically the purest soul on earth!!! 

(this is not to say that saint seiya was like, gender radical~ to be clear. it remains wildly misogynist LMFAO like. mother FUCK kurumada!! there was SUCH potential for interesting character beats with every fucking woman, and none of them got them 8)))) like, every girl in that story had excellent potential!!! i will FOREVER be pissed about how we didn’t get shun & june friendship development HHHHH i have been bitter about this since i was 12 and no i will NEVER stop!! do i have specific hcs about how they fell into a relationship bc of shared trauma + proximity and then realized they were better off as friends, broke up amicably, and remained extremely close for the rest of their lives?? yes, don’t worry about how the canon timeline is so fucked it wouldn’t allow for that since shun canonically spends like, 95% of his time post andromeda island in life-or-death battles, on life support, or the host of the ultimate enemy. and then i think 250 years in the past, maybe?? i haven’t read next dimension L O L)

what i would have GIVEN for fem Ikki or Seiya or Shiryu instead!!! (i’m excluding hyoga for a couple of reasons, but he still would’ve been better than shun) god imagine the POWER of phoenix/andromeda sister/brother dynamics! for all the reasons that a gentle man is compelling, a vicious, arrogant, selfish, cruel woman that refuses to die ALSO would have been incredible as a protag. (basically, what we COULD have had with shaina goddamn it!!) imagine sapphic ikki/esmeralda!!! or shiryu/shunrei, or seiya/any woman that the series decided to throw at him lol.

anyways, circling back around to the original point, I would say saint seiya was one of the most influential animes of the 80s, and remains listed with series like dragonball, sailor moon, ranma, etc. in most parts of the world that experienced an anime boom, except the united states?? like, asia obviously, and I know it was popular in europe (particularly france and belgium) and latin america (latin america truly carries this fandom outside of asia like damn), but somehow, the states really missed out :’) i suspect it has to do with cartoon network botching the release of the dub /shrug

saint seiya definitely occupies a culturally significant position in china (i remember when I was obsessed with it in middle school, I visited china and several of my family members were like what??? saint seiya?? that’s such a violent show!! for boys!!! whereas in the states, almost no one recognizes the name) so it wouldn’t surprise me at all if it was an intentional reference. or ripoff AHAHA

as an aside, wen ning and shun also have pretty easily comparable character notes: eg. kind and soft, but extraordinarily dangerous when either pissed off or fighting seriously; perceived as enormously weak/shy/sensitive, but are secretly very talented in a specific martial skill; the whole “harbors a horrific evil force within” thing and fighting for control over it--so frankly, i love it, even if it’s 100% Not That Deep. i understand that this is a somewhat generic character archetype, but i am just like. That archetype with Those chains? 👀

IF ONLY THE LIVING DEAD HADN’T BEEN ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE,,,,,,

i was literally so excited for it, and i was so terribly betrayed :’)

another parallel: neither living dead nor saint seiya had any respect for women eyyyyy

tl;dr, i love andromeda shun, and we were robbed by every production team >:c

[bang-bangtan-boys]

Proposal

{Yoongi x M! Reader}

Warnings: none

Summary: Can I request male reader proposing to bts ( or only Yoongi) pls???? Thankssssss

Sry for taking so long to get this out :/

You held the small box close to your chest, looking over your outfit in the mirror. Yoongi was waiting outside the door for you, also suited up. Neither of you wore ties, deciding that even though this was a formal date, it was also just you two, so it didn’t matter. ‘Except it does matter,’ you thought to yourself, ‘Everything matters today…’ you eyes the [f/c] tie on the counter, before moving you gaze to the door to open it. The box had made its way to your back pocket as you flashed Yoongi a smile. “Let’s go?” You asked. He nodded, holding his hand out lazily for you to hold. You did so, and began pulling him with you.

Yoongi slid into the passenger's seat as you did with the driver's seat. It was better this way, since your car wasn’t big and pure ivory black like the ones Yoongi had to ride in. But that was only as a member of BTS. Right now, he was Min Yoon Gi, and he was with you…

Yoongi rested his head against the window, eyes closing as the hum of the car lulled him to relaxation. You wondered if he was asleep, seeing as he didn’t snore or anything. When you made it to the fancy restaurant, you lightly shook him. “Hyung, we’re here,” you said to him, and he groaned. He rubbed his eyes and looked at you, giving a barely noticeable smile and walked out, grasping your hand gently before letting it go. His other hand went into his blazer pocket, and he walked to the front. You opened the door for him, entering the beautifully lit area after him. Yoongi looked around, eyes showing childish awe while the rest of his face held its usual bored, dead expression. You had reserved a seat for the both of you yourself with the money you earned from your small job. Yoongi was proud of you, and he’d made it his goal to stress it to you. You turned to him, smiling, “They’re going to take a few minutes to clean the table, we have to wait a bit.”

Yoongi nodded, sitting on one of the cushion couches while you sat in the one across from him. That was strange; why didn’t you sit next to him? There was a seat right there, so why didn’t you take it? He frowned, a small pout playing to his lips. Now that he noticed it, you were rather fidgety and nervous, constantly rubbing your hands against your clothed knees. He moved seats to sit next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. You blushed, letting out a cough, “Hyung, w-what are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing? Hugging my boyfriend, that’s what I’m doing…”

“But Hyung, we’re in public- your reputation-”

“Fuck my reputation… actually, just fuck me.”

“Hyung-“

“Shut up and hug me back, idiot.”

You returned the gesture seconds after, placing your head on his head and your arms around his slim waist. You may have been younger, but both your build and your height made everyone think Yoongi was at least five years younger than you. Yoongi minded at first, saying he ‘wasn’t that short’ and ‘had hit puberty first, meaning his voice was deeper and he was older’, but everyone just skimmed over that and continued their assumptions anyway.

After a few minutes, a waiter called you over. You had hooked Yoongi’s arm under yours as you walked, separating so you could sit across from each other. You hadn’t made much conversation aside from asking what other thought was good on the menu. Once your order was done, you let the water take your menus. Yoongi then rested his cheek on his hand, the other hand moving to feel his first arm as he looked at you, “You know, this type of thing isn’t really how I’d spent a Saturday night…” he started, and your heart dropped. He continued, “But… I’m proud of you. I know you worked really hard to afford a reservation here and I applaud you for that.” He gave a sweet smile, “I have a wonderful, handsome, hard working boyfriend to call my own.”

“Hyung…” you whimpered, wiping your slightly tears eyes. Yoongi perked up, “Ah- shit… i didnt mean to make you cry.” He reached over to get a napkin to wipe your face, but you just waved your hand dismissively, “No I’m- I’m fine. It’s okay, Hyung… I’m fine…” Yoongi nodded, placing the cloth back to its original spot. You composed yourself before the waiter came with your food. You stood up, looking at Yoongi, “I need to use the bathroom.” Yoongi nodded, sipping a glass of water.

You pulled the waiter with you- BamBam, read the name tag- and you spoke to him, “Sir, if you could please dim the lights at around-” you checked your watch, “- 9.30, and get your musicians to play something for me? I am about to propose to the man across from me-” you prayed he wouldn’t throw you two out for being homosexuals, “and it’s really nerve wracking for me and i just want everything to be perfect. Oh god, what if he says no? Oh Jesus, lord, dear god. I’m burnt toast…” you continued to rant softly to yourself, before a hand on your shoulder snapped you out of your thoughts. It was the waiter, “You’ll be fine, sir. I’ll ask the band and see if the chefs can arrange the lights for you. I understand, you’ll be alright.” The comfort helped you, and you relaxed, smiling gently. “Thank you,” you said simply, planning on giving him your entire next paycheck to him as a tip for being so generous.

You came back, smiling brightly as you were unable to contain it, “Hey Hyung!” Yoongi cocked an eyebrow, swallowing the food in his mouth, “Was your pee trip so good you feel the need to be all sunny?” You shook your head, a flustered expression on your face now instead. “Hyung! You’re so loud!”

“I can be louder if you want… like-” his voice lowered, and you sat down, leaning closer to hear what he had to say, “Like when you’re pounding into me so hard i can see the whole universe, or when you tease me so much i cant stand it and i feel like I’m on cloud nine. Or when-”

“Okay!” You interjected, voice cracking slightly as you gained the attention of those around you, “That’s enough, thank you!”

Your food was devoured rather quickly and you sat there, searching for the mop of red hair that belonged to your assistant in this ‘operation’. When you spotted him, he flashed you a smile and gave a thumbs up. Earlier, you had given him music sheets you had in your back pocket. It was a self written piece of sheet music from ‘Save Me’, a much more soft tone to it instead of the usual upbeat one. The musicians had it in front of them, and they began playing. Yoongi perked up instantly at the song, remembering it quite quickly. He looked around, wondering if anyone had noticed him, before gasping. “You ,” he said, almost accusingly, but you knew it was actually excitement, “You did that, didn’t you. Why?” You giggled, watching as the lights dimmed. This gathered everyone’s attention, and they looked around, probably wondering the worst case scenario. Yoongi stared at you, waiting for an answer. BamBam gave you a Bigger smile, using both hands to give you a thumbs up. You nodded, and Yoongi looked behind him. When he looked back forward, you were kneeling before him. The box was opened to reveal the pretty blue-ish white diamond adorned on a silver ring. Yoongi gasped at the sight; the ring was truly beautiful.

“Min Yoon Gi,” you began, and some people gasped at the name, “You have offered me nothing but kindness- of course, aside from the first years of elementary, where you shoved bulgogi down my shirt and i was forced to go home. You were lucky, and only got a detention for ruining my Captain America shirt,” you chuckled, and Yoongi did too, but he still felt bad about it, “When I saw you again, you had already graduated high school. The only reason i saw you again was because you came back to help clean the lockers. Who knew I’d have your old one?” Yoongi scoffed, arms crossing while his left leg rested on top of his right thigh. He smirked, eyeing you to continue, “Since then, we’ve grown closer throughout friendship. Eventually, it turned to liking and then loving each other. Somewhere down the line, I dont know how.” Some people chuckled, others murmured amongst themselves. “Either way,” you continued, “Nothing I say can make you want to, but- somewhat like i said all those years ago- would you maybe consider marrying me?” Your head tilted, and Yoongi couldn’t help but compare you to a dog, and he chuckled. Your heart sank as he shook his head, as if he were disapproving you. You dropped your arms slightly, shoulers sinking as you looked down. The music had stopped playing, and more chattering could be heard in the background.

“You idiot,” Yoongi said, leaning forward to lift your chin, “Of course i would.” You let out a sigh of relief, smiling. Tears began to flow down your cheeks and Yoongi wiped them away with his thumbs. “Aish, dont cry,” he said, “you kid…” you nodded, standing up now and towering over his smaller frame. You tried to put the ring on his finger, but you shook too much, so Yoongi did it for you. He sighed, taking your cheeks and kissing you, you wrapped your arms around him and some people cheered. Others began to pack their things and leave. BamBam walked up to you two to congratulate you, opening a party popper to celebrate. “Meal’s on me,” he said, laughing gently while Yoongi tried to remove the strings in his hair. You chuckled, “That wont be necessary, I-”

“Are you kidding? That was the cutest shit I have ever seen,” he said, “Don’t even bother. That ring looks expensive, might as well not trouble you more, right?” You shook your head, “That meal would cost you an arm and a leg, its fine. Really-”

Yoongi sighed, taking his wallet and pulling out a 100 dollar bill. ‘Wow,’ you thought, ‘what a flex…’

“To pay for our meal. Keep the change for yourself, ‘kay? Buy something nice or something,” he pat BamBam’s cheek softly, turning to walk with you back to your car. You did so, tripping over yourself a few times. Yoongi pulled the keys out of your pocket once you got outside, giving them to your hands, “You drive by my directions, okay?” He said. You whined, “But i wanna go hoooome~” Yoongi shook his head, “You gave me a wonderful surprise, now its time for me to return the favor.”

You drove based on his instructions, realizing you were going to the BigHit Studio. You gave Yoongi a confused face, “Wha- why are we here?” He shook his head, taking you arm and leading you to his ‘Genius Lab’. You followed suit, and he shoved you against the couch as soon as you entered. You fell back with an ‘oof’, and Yoongi sat on top of you, blazer removed as he began grinding down against you. “Wha- Yoongi-”

“Face it,” he said breathlessly, “Two guys in South Korea cant get officially married. So,” he leaned down to your ear, panting against it as he chuckled, “Might as well make this our first night as husbands, right? What better than exploring each other?”

You two had fun that night, lets say that...

[msjr0119]

The Greatest Show

“A Million Dreams”

A new 9 part series- all chapters are based on each song from ‘The Greatest Showman’

Characters belong to Pixelberry except MC - Amber Smith-Beaumont

Warnings: Swearing, sarcasm 😉, smut

Tags - using combined tagged list, if you want to be removed please let me know 👍🏼

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @indiacater @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree-0816

*****

Liam wandered back through the ballroom after his talk with Amber, providing fake smiles. Thinking back to his childhood he had a million dreams that he had dreamt up with his closest friend the Scarlet Duchess.

Liam and Olivia had always been close due to her parents dying young- Constantine had basically taken the young woman under his wing.

Every night I lie in bed

At night time as a young man, Liam would go to his private quarters- laying in bed realising that this country was going to be all of his- due to his brother’s abdication.

The brightest colors fill my head

Whilst laying in bed, he couldn’t sleep- instead he would imagine all the positive things regarding becoming the king. Never thinking about negative thoughts.

A million dreams are keeping me awake

The thoughts kept repeating in his mind, every night. Imaginary adventures of him as king, Olivia as his Queen and Wife- the possibility of children. Something he had looked forward to.

I think of what the world could be

Thoughts regarding how he could be a great king, nothing like what his father is as the present king.

A vision of the one I see

His vision of the future, may be different to others- but he was the next in line, everything decided would be in his hands. It was his turn to create the future, one that only he could see.

A million dreams is all it's gonna take

Keeping his mind open to all the dreams he had imagined- in a way his future seemed clear.

A million dreams for the world we're gonna make

A million dreams that he would make reality with Olivia- that was until they found out about her parents. It was then forced upon him to complete in a social season, as his brother previously did.

He had promised Olivia that as Leo was the crown prince that their dreams would become reality. How wrong was he? Even though Constantine had allowed Olivia to participate in being a suitor- he had made it quite clear that Liam couldn’t choose her as his future Queen. Maybe I should listen to Ambers advise- So just play the game, seem interested in me and the other ladies- then when it comes to your coronation just say her name. It’s simple. Seeing Amber resuming her position along her ‘sponsors’ he took the opportunity to find Olivia and take her somewhere private to explain what his father had said to the newbie.

“Liam, we cant be seen like this.” She said in a seductive manner whilst stroking his arm.

“I know. But I just need to explain something about Lady Amber.”

“You’re falling for her?” Olivia’s eyes were green with envy- paranoid that he would sway.

“No Liv! You’re the only woman for me. My father has asked her to ‘woo’ me.”

“So?”

“But she isn’t interested. There’s something about her- she’s hiding something. She doesn’t want to be here, my father is holding something against her. She suggested to play it fair between everyone then at the coronation just say your name. Rather than marry politically and have the traditional Cordonian marriage. It makes sense. If we can have her on our side, nothing matters.”

“Are you sure she will agree to it? Because if she doesn’t I’ll have my daggers ready to slit her throat...” Liam shook his head, whilst laughing. “However big, however small. Let me be part of it all. Share your dreams with me Liam. You may be right, you may be wrong with decisions. But say that you'll bring me along. To the world you see- to the world I close my eyes to see.”

“Liv, our million dreams we made as children- will become a reality. I love you, you are my future Queen. A million dreams is all it's gonna take. A million dreams for the world we're gonna make. For the world we're gonna make- as King and Queen Of Cordonia. I love you. Sneak into my quarters later.”

*****

“So Amber, are you ready to do the Cordonian waltz with Prince Liam?” Drake smirked at her.

“Ready, it doesn’t mean I want to.”

“Can you even dance?”

“Of course I can, I have Beaumont blood in me. Can you?”

“Nah, I’m not into all that fancy shit.”

“Same, gotta keep up appearances though.”

“What are you hiding? Why are you here?”

“I owe that moron for something I did many moons ago. It came and bit me on the ass. Sooner this thing is over the better. Sorry my phones ringing, if Maxwell asks just tell him it’s Daniel- he will know what you mean.”

Daniel, shit! She has a boyfriend. She’s not safe here- she’s going to cause a scandal.

****

Staring at her phone, she didn’t answer straight away- wondering what lame excuse she could use this time without getting her head caved in. Brett wasn’t stupid- she had began to lie to him about her whereabouts just to see her friends. He was jealous of the friendship she had with Daniel- that jealous, that she made a new Facebook profile and blocked Brett immediately to keep in touch with her friends and family in secret.

“Hey baby. What’s up?”

“Where the fuck are you? Are you in bed with Daniel? Is he lying?”

“No, I’m not with Daniel. I have never slept with him. He’s a friend. If you must know, I’m with my cousins- in Co- Canada. I’ll be back soon baby. They came into some money and invited me along. Everyone needs a vacay right? I’m missing you. I love you Brett. But I have to go.”

“Amber! If you are not back in New York by tomorrow- you’ll be wishing you hadn’t left!” Hanging up abruptly, she felt as if she was about to hyperventilate. Tears began to stream down her face.

“Hey. Are you okay?” He asked softly.

*****

Drake stood smirking at Liam, talking to all the women. Kiara came upto him after her talk with Liam. Since they were children, Kiara had become fond of the commoner- almost suffocating him every time she saw him. He hadn’t seen her in a year or so- when he witnessed her walking towards him he had hoped that someone would rescue him.

“Bonjour Drake. Ca va?” Ca va fuck off kiara!

“Hello Ki. You’re looking well.”

“As are you. You become more handsome every time I see you.” Stroking her hand along his arm, he didn’t want to make a scene but wished she would just leave him be.

“Erm thanks. You should really stay with the other suitors.”

“What like the Beaumont’s suitor? Apparently she’s their cousin, but I think they are lying. She doesn’t act noble.”

“Not everyone wants to be noble Ki.”

“I’ve been watching you, you’ve not kept your eyes off her.”

“Yes because she is a newbie. I need to suss her out for Liam.”

“We know that’s not true Drake.” Before Drake could respond by spouting more lies Maxwell and Bertrand came bounding over. Thank fuck! Surely she will leave me alone.

“Lady Kiara, it’s so nice to see you.”

“You too your grace. Au reviour.”

“Where the fuck have you two been? She’s annoying and I’m stuck on my own with her!”

“The more important question - where is amber?”

“She’s on the phone to Daniel- her boyfriend I assume?”

“Shit!” The brothers said in unison.

“What’s up?”

“She’s not on the phone to Daniel, she’s on the phone to her arsehole boyfriend Brett!”

*****

“Hey. Are you okay?” Wiping her tears, she didn’t want to show herself up.

“Er yeah I’m fine.”

“I’m Prince Leo, you probably won’t remember me. I’m around eight years older than you but shhh don’t tell anyone.”

“You look good for your age, remind me to buy you a zimmer frame for your next birthday your highness.”

“Hey cheeky! Remind me to suture your lips together to keep that sarcasm in that American mouth of yours.”

“Good come back.”

“Are you coming back inside? You look cold.”

“I’m fine, it’s a bit stuffy in there. Full of stuffy nobles.”

“You’re a noble too.”

“Like hell I am. Noble blood yes. I’m not an heir or anything like that. I’m a bit rusty with the noble lifestyle. I only had Max, Bertrand and Uncle Barthelemy teach me when i was younger. But it’s easy to pick up right? Especially if it’s only for a month.” Uncle.. hmm okay Amber. Their family is more dysfunctional than mine and Walkers. None of them have a clue.

“I’m sure your COUSINS will teach you all you need to know.” Emphasing the word cousins- he wished that they all knew the truth.

“Yeah, they’ll take me to the other side. The dark side of being a noble.” Winking at him, he liked her sense of humour.

“There you are! What has he done to you?”

“Hey I’ve done nothing!” Leo exclaimed defending himself.

“Not you! Amber a word inside now.”

The brothers escorted her inside, Drake and Leo following shortly behind. Standing in a corner they were arguing with her discreetly. Before she stormed off abruptly. Maxwell ran upto Drake- out of breath.

“Buddy, could you go and check on her? No one notices that you’re at these events anyway- so you won’t be missed. We are going to have to say that she’s jetlagged and talk to Connie, Regina and Liam.”

“I’m not a fucking babysitter Max!”

“Please. I’ll buy you a crate of beer? Whiskey?”

“Fine!”

*****

Knocking on the door, she answered crying assuming it was Maxwell and Bertrand.

“What are you doing here?”

“Apparently I’m here to babysit you.”

“I don’t need babysitting Drake, thank you but no thank you.”

“If you want to talk or bitch about nobles I’m your man, and I have whiskey.” Waving the bottle around, her eyes widened, her lips curled up.

“Why didn’t you say so?”

“You didn’t give me chance to.” Allowing him into her room, she pulled two tumblers out. Wiping her make up off- she was ready to collapse on her bed.

“Could you unzip my dress for me? It’s doing my head in. I’m usually a legging and hoody kind of girl.”

“Erm sure.” Unzipping it, she stood out of it in front of him. Gulping - he knew he had to avert his eyes.

“Amber, you do know I’m stood here right? You could have warned me so I could have turned away- given you some dignity and privacy.”

“What’s up Drake? Haven’t you seen a girl in her underwear before? Oh god you’re a closet gay aren’t ya? I’ve never had a gay best friend.”

“I’m not gay... I’m totally into women. Can you please put some clothes on.”

“Okay okay. Chill out. You sort the whiskey out and I’ll get dressed.” Returning the lounge area, she had pulled her hair into a loose pony tail. Wearing a crop top and shorts, she was ready to let her hair down and act normal behind closed doors.

“Hey, why don’t we ‘Netflix and chill’... you guys have Netflix right?” Drake nearly choked on his whiskey.

“You do know what that means?”

“Yeah, chill out and binge on Netflix series.”

“You really should dye your hair blonde to match your personality.”

“Why?” Scowling at him, she was beginning to dislike his personality.

“It’s an euphemism for sexual activity. You know like casual sex.....”

“Oh god. I say it all the time. No wonder my friends back at home have stopped talking to me. Shit. You learn something new everyday. Imagine if I said that to Bertrand.”

“He’d have a heart attack and be put in an early grave.”

The two of them spoke about their experiences in the states, both having a lot more in common than they knew about. They had finished a full bottle of whiskey before they knew it.

“If you get any spare time during the social season, I’ll take you to the stables and go for a ride with you.”

“I’d like that. Thank you for cheering me up. You’re a great guy- not the miserable bastard that Maxwell describes you as.”

“Just wait until I see him. Goodnight Amber.” Kissing her on the cheek, he left the room.

She’s fine, no need for babysitting. I’ve left her now. See ya tomorrow Beaumont.

Thanks Drake, they fell for the excuse. See ya tomorrow buddy.

*****

Drake returned to his room, he was unsure what to think about Amber. He enjoyed her sense of humour, he believed she was beautiful, he had never held feelings towards a woman before. Due to growing up around nobles, they all criticised him due to the lack of title. Amber however had only just met him and had called him a great guy. Thinking about her made his cock twitch- feeling guilty, he released his manhood. Shit. Walker she’s here for Liam, even though she has a boyfriend. What is up with you? Holding his cock, he gently rubbed up it up and down gradually increasing his speed, eventually spilling his seed all over his hand. This must never happen again, he thought. A million dreams are keeping me awake.

[rqs902]

.

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay 

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover 

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL 

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability. 

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo 

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect. 

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win. 

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME 

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place?? 

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol 

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW. 

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together 

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho) 

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him 

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc.... 

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there? 

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly? 

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\ 

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad. 

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke. 

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see. 

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran? 

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng?? 

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense: 

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max? 

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way 

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me. 

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly. 

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN 

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band. 

[wings-of-a-storm]

LUCAS’ HELL NIGHT ANALYSIS: PART 2 OF 2

Well, with this piece, I have officially finished trying to give voice to all the  frenzied thoughts in my head after watching that terrible Friday night unfold for Lucas.

I think the hardest part was revisiting the anguish on Lucas’ face. That is going to haunt us all for a while, no doubt...

Alright so we are up to Lucas running for the exit of Chloe’s house after finding Eliott with Lucille and being publicly outed... That poor guy.

OPEN GANG WARFARE

I only realised upon watching this scene that you actually see the ripple of Lucas coming through the crowd before you actually physically ‘see’ him. Like people were actually flying across the screen because Lucas was shoving partygoers out of the way to get to the doorway. He was like a hurricane, leaving a trail of destruction before and after him. From our limited angle, there are at least two victims: Unknown Partygoer No.1, and the Bouncer.

A minute of silence please for the victims of Lucas’ savagery. Particularly for Unknown Partygoer No.1 who was actually shoved aside the first time Lucas entered the house as well. :’)

Obviously I laugh otherwise I cry. It was actually heartbreaking seeing the lengths Lucas needed to go to to get out of there before he lost it completely.

I actually felt bad for Basile in this scene -- he was being really sweet and trying to grab hold of Lucas to, I dunno, support him? Calm him? Reassure him? He wasn’t to realise that that was the worst thing he could have done because Lucas needed space and distance from the heartbreak he had left behind in the house.

Things might have been ‘okay’ if Arthur’s patience hadn’t snapped; if he hadn’t escalated things further with that passive aggressive jab that was rather below the belt regardless of Lucas’ lies. Things could have been worse though -- there could have been actual punches instead of all the shoving and pulling. And the only casualty was Arthur’s glasses (which the petty part of me kind of revels in?). But still, getting into any physical altercation with your friends is extreme and just goes to show the pressure cooker Lucas’ life had become.

It is a shame the Gang had to reach this point, but they’ve all been kind of assholes to each other at one time or another. I think perhaps only Yann has been a good friend to everyone. Arthur, Lucas and Basile have all been hurtful at some point…

I wonder where Lucas and Arthur will go from here though; how they will make up in the school break if they aren’t forced to see each other in class. (Assuming David sticks to reality in his skipping of the hiatus?) This type of anger between them seems much closer to Marti and Elia than the og -- and it took the special powers of the love wizard Giovanni GaraU to piece their friendship and pride back together. Does Yann have the same touch? Time will tell...

ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Lucas had already reached his breaking point when he engaged in a physical altercation with his friends. He had already lost control over his emotions and was incredibly vulnerable standing exposed in front of the yard. People were staring at him and Arthur was still screaming bloody murder from the doorway about wanting to slap the hell out of him. Of course it was at this moment when Lucas saw the man behind his heartache kissing the girl he said he had broken up with.

So much of Lucas seeing Eliott kissing Lucille was awful. Firstly, Eliott and Lucille could have just stayed inside the party, but them seeking out time alone outside is just so private and intimate.

Secondly, Eliott was the one initiating everything (something none of his counterparts did). He was the one cupping her face and smiling at her and going in for two kisses. Two!

And thirdly, yes, that smile of his as he was looking at her was meant to cut all of our hearts out. Eliott’s smile is like his strongest weapon even if he doesn’t realise it. He uses it as a shield and he uses it to express all the pure and lovely joy in his heart. When he walks into any room, that smile is the first thing you see. It’s nuclear -- even from far away, that smile absolutely knocks you out. And boy did it knock Lucas out.

I’m not sure I’d go as far as to say Eliott was giving Lucille the same smile Lucas gets. Eliott’s a very smiley person and even Lucas’ friends received that kind of smile when Eliott didn’t even known them. I feel like there is an extra level of giddiness to Eliott’s smile when he looks at Lucas. I wasn’t worried about him smiling at Lucille so much. Especially when I assume the context of it, which is...

Okay, so after Eliott was hurt by Lucas and feeling like he had to give him up so as not to be a burden to him, he would have been absolutely devastated. We saw his face in that corridor and that would have been him trying to hide most of it. I’m a little grateful we never saw the extent of Eliott’s private devastation...

But Eliott’s snap decision to cut Lucas out of his life, meant he was suddenly alone with this intense heartbreak, and probably feeling extra vulnerable because it related to that terrible force in his brain that he can’t control and that always messes his life up.

No matter how strained his and Lucille’s relationship had become in the end, she was still someone close to him who really knows who he is and has seen the worst of him. She is so safe. And since we have never seen Eliott with any friends at school, I imagine that Eliott is pretty isolated at the moment without her. It feels completely believable that he would seek Lucille out for that comfort and security. It would also make him feel better about his mental illness to know that there is someone in the world (excluding his parents who we have no information on aside from David’s headcanons), who sees that side of him and accepts it. He’s not alone with it.

Luckily for Eliott, Lucas made his comments about mental illness only a day or two after Eliott had broken up with Lucille. That meant there was a window of opportunity to try and repair things with her. It would have required a lot of effort on his behalf though, to be convincing enough for her to take him back even though he was secretly battling heartbreak over someone else. He might have even ironically used his mental illness as an excuse for their break up (actually, I am convinced he did because it will probably end up fuelling a certain comment from Lucille to Lucas about Eliott’s patterns).

What this means though is that Eliott has to stay convincing for Lucille: he has to be that happy boyfriend who wants to be with her, who just suffered a blip. If Lucille sees through him, he is in danger of being alone again. There is probably also an element of Eliott needing to convince himself that he will be happy with Lucille and can make their relationship work. The alternative of being alone after such a terrible year is just too painful.

So yeh, I’m not too surprised by all the smiles and kisses that Eliott was initiating with Lucille even though it hurts to see them. His instagram diary tells us the truth: that while he recognises the good parts of having Lucille as his girlfriend, it isn’t the same now.

(Side note: His ‘L and him’ caption breaks me! Like A) he is distancing himself from himself, and B) it’s like he is cherishing the letter L and finding comfort that he still has an L in his life. He can almost pretend it is the other L...)

LUCAS' FACE AFTER SEEING ELIOTT KISSING LUCILLE

Well, Lucas’s face after seeing Eliott smiling at Lucille, cupping her face, kissing her, doing things he can still remember Eliott doing with him not too long ago... That is a face that is going to haunt us for a long time. The level of fury in it, of betrayal... I’ve never seen anything like it in Skam. That expression not only cuts straight through your chest, it strangles your heart.

it was so powerful and clearly the exact moment Lucas reached the bottom of what he could endure. Like shit, place a copy of that face into a scientific journal under “Human breaking point.”

When I think about that look and all the intense emotions swirling behind it, It feels like the dark twin of the look Eliott gave Lucas when he was playing piano. When Eliott looked at Lucas in that moment, you were just hit with those eyes, and it felt impossible to even begin describing all the different emotions in them. Lucas’ devastating fury holds a very similar power with all the complex emotions behind it. I consider it a ‘twin’ because Lucas’ eyes also seemed fuelled by love, but love that had been desecrated and turned into a wound against him...

(That gruesome lip curl when he glanced back at Arthur still yelling at him though. Oh damn that was fierce.)

Oh gosh guys, it was just so hard seeing Eliott kiss Lucille during the worst time of Lucas’ life. It was stomach-churning in a ‘I think someone just punched me in the gut’ way. Like, Lucas used to go to this guy for comfort and now in his time of need, when his ex-beard is yelling out his sexuality to strangers, when his friends are yelling awful things at him for everyone to hear, he not only doesn’t have Eliott to go to, but Eliott is so engrossed in the person Lucas always felt second-rate to. Eliott doesn’t even look up at the noise, he is completely oblivious to Lucas’ distress. Could Eliott feel any further away?

I don’t even want to begin trying to imagine everything Lucas was feeling at that moment as he looked at Eliott and Lucille. It is just too devastating. It actually feels worse than what Eliott went through in the school corridor, because at least then Eliott had control over it. Eliott could walk away before ever having to see what Lucas’ face would look like if he learned of Eliott’s mental illness; before ever having to hear Lucas break up with him over it.

Eliott also had all the information over their break up while Lucas remains in the dark (hi Polaris). Lucas is the one who has to see the guy he is in love with for real kissing the person Lucas has always felt second-rate to. And after all those promises that they would be together because Eliott had chosen him...

And since Lucas does not have the information on their break up that Eliott has, all Lucas can see when he looks at them is: Eliott never loved me; Eliott played me; Eliott has been happy with Lucille while I have been so miserable I’ve barely had energy to get off the couch; Eliott lied to me; Eliott never needed space, he just used it as an excuse to get back with Lucille without guilt; of course Eliott doesn’t want to be with me, why would I be so stupid to believe that he did?

And then in the midst of all this gut-wretching pain and the slap of betrayal, Lucas glances back at his friends who he just fought with, who can’t understand what he is going through, who are still hurling really hurtful things at him from the doorway (well, Arthur is), and he is just over everybody.

It almost feels like he is standing in this awful triangle of snipers who have opened fire on the most raw parts of his life -- his sexuality, his family situation, and the man he loves humiliating him in front of everyone. It’s just way too much humiliation and exposure for one person to take. Of course he had to get as far away from everyone and that hellhole of a place as soon as possible.

What is extra fun is that the people behind Lucas seem to have pieced some of the puzzle together. They see his fighting with the Gang, they see the pained expression of his face as he looks ahead, and they all turn to see what he is looking at to cause such an unmistakably anguished face. They see Lucille and Eliott. Guess we’re going to have some fun rumours after all when each section of the party joins up what they have witnessed with Lucas at the epicentre…

LUCAS HURTING HIMSELF

We all had an inkling that the beginning of Lucas’ hell week would be the hardest version for the viewer to watch. I think overall, our assumption was proved correct and that is all because this is the first version where we have seen Lucas’ face in the peak of his anguish.

In comparison, Skam og and Italia gave their Isak/Martino some privacy with their pain. We only ever see Isak’s back as he falls to his knees and cries so loud you can hear it over the Kanye track. We only ever see the vague outline of Martino’s face in the darkness as he screams and cries into his hands (it was so dark, it was lucky we were even able to see the spit flying from his mouth as he screamed). You basically had to rely on all other senses to figure out the amount of pain that Isak/Martino were going through. I think that method is powerful in itself, don’t get me wrong. But in France, we see Lucas completely exposed to the anguish ripping his soul apart. And it is incredibly confronting.

At first when Lucas left the party and the camera was following him down the dark, empty path, it felt like og: Lucas had privacy with his rage and pain. But then everything got loud; all the senses were like doubled. The sound of him smashing his fist against the bars of the fence was so loud and violent. We had that kind of noise in Italia too but that was from the piece of wood Martino was wielding, not his actual hand. So not only do you have the deep echo of metal being hit by a fist, you vicariously feel the pain that that must be inflicting on Lucas’ hand.

And then after Lucas realises he has injured himself and his legs lose power and he slumps down to the floor, the street light completely exposes the expression on his face. His anguish is completely exposed -- and it is anguish that is actually distorting his face. He almost isn’t recognisable. I mean, it is hard to watch anyone suffering that level of pain, but it’s even more hard-hitting with Lucas because his expressions are normally so controlled and neutral.

Two things absolutely wreck me next in this scene. The first is the way he cradles his bleeding hand. When you’ve hurt yourself, of course your natural instinct is to hold the damaged area as if you can somehow contain the pain to that one spot. But since his hurt hand feels more like a physical representation of his emotional hurt, it feels like he is trying to cradle himself. I HATE IT, MAKE IT STOP, GUYS!

The second thing that wrecks me is how after he slumps to the ground and leans his head back -- which also crashes against the metal bars with a deep booming echo -- he mouths something as if to say ‘ow’, like he is just hurting all over, no matter what he does.

And through all of it, he is crying without any sound because the emotion is coming from such a deep place in him. Until you see the numbness take over…

I’ll say it again: it is highly confronting. I can’t even bring myself to take screencaps of it.

I mean, that’s probably why og and Italia took a step back -- because that level of pain is so private and awful, it’s almost wrong for us to witness it. But, well, France plays dirty.

LUCAS HAS NO BEDROOM

Did I just say France plays dirty? Because they are about to double that claim by reminding us all of their trump card: that Lucas has no place to cry privately. His bed is literally in a communal living area while Manon goes through her own grieving in his bedroom.

When a person is as wounded by life as Lucas is right now, it is so essential to have a safe space all to yourself to be able to grieve in. Particularly for someone as reserved as Lucas, who won’t let anyone see any hint of his pain at all (except for this Friday night when his depression was so extreme, he had no energy to move in front of his friends and he couldn’t hide it anymore). How the hell is this poor kid supposed to grieve in a communal living room?!

And that also raises another question: how long did Lucas stay slumped on the cold concrete path on Friday night? If that was the best privacy he had, it was probably a long time. So yeh, thanks for that, France! Like this whole clip didn’t hurt enough…

A TINY BIT OF HOPE TO END ON…

What is unfortunately so hard with Lucas is how reserved he is with his emotions. He is such an island and that makes it hard for others to be able to help him. When Mika reached out to him on Thursday, he got a defensive eye roll. When Yann tried to reach out to him on Friday, he got grumpiness and a hurtful ‘It has nothing to do with you.’ It’s really hard to see Lucas push people away like that and just suffer so many things alone.

This week is going to be such an important turning point for him though. He will finally make that step to trust in others and share the pain that has been slowly drowning him. He has no other choice because he cannot mentally survive like that any longer. And when Lucas starts to open himself up more to his friends and roomates and starts to value that process, it is going to put him in such a healthy place to be able to be that support for Eliott when Eliott’s secrets are exposed and he becomes highly vulnerable.

Lucas’ journey is really tough right now but he is going reconnect with people and with life and be the best person he can be once he starts to accept help. It’s going to be such a rewarding journey to go through with him. <3

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

[btsandvmin]

Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

Some of the asks I answer I personally feel are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost since there are so many and I am sure the list will grow. So I am putting the ones I feel might have something worth reading in one place. 

Thank you all for asking me interesting questions and liking my posts. Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Jimin was so clearly in need of cuddles from Tae as soon as they saw each other

Odd if none of them shared what they did during vacations

It just feels scripted, just like when they're talking abt what each other did during their vacations

100 days of winter bear and jiminie wears something that makes him look like a baby bear

About BV4, do you think it’s weird that Taehyung only found out about what Jimin did during his vacation on the day Jimin was back?

Dionysus stage as battle of gods and V=Apollo(God of Sun) and JM=Artemis(God of Moon) and their dance and wearing twin earrings(as the gods r twins) and I just remembered your whole vmin sun and moon theory

Is Tae Jm's mirror in bighits's fictional world?

Do you know what is the full video of this youtube video "BTS Jimin chose V ? VMin Moment?

When BV: Malta was airing, Jimin would post pictures of each episode on Twitter and stopped on the episode that Taehyung arrives

I'm like a hardcore Km shipper (romantically) since 2016 but i have to agree every song Tae has written connects with Jm

We don't see vmin together often... so yeah jikook could be more real then vmin

I'm trying to find tweets that vmin send to each other on their birthday but I can't find the one that jimin send for tae in 2017 did he send one? 

The new run bts episode was really filmed in May?

Did Jimin released Promise on Tae's birthday?

I am working on a Vmin analysis which is currently 24 pages just in text. O___o

He calls JM "My Baby" but the subtitles put in by BH say "Good Boy" Why would they change the translation. 

Shipping sometimes seems pointless. Especially when "moments" between one ship can easily be spotted with another. 

I can't believe that some fans thought that vmin were not friends anymore because a game!

It's so cute how Jimin and V talked about arguing with each other over small things because they are close friends

I think people who unfollow you are Multishippers who believe in other ship

Is it kind of weird that vmin has never went on a trip by themselves? 

Seeing all the vmin interactions of this last concert, do you think this might be a reason why BH will not give us vmin duet?

I would love to read ur vmin story

Concerning the nightmare before Christmas thing

The Disney birthday project turned up to be false

Jimin thinks V is "mi bb' What does the question mean?

I don't think we'll get a Vmin song

BTS, 191009_ ICN INT' Airport Departure) at 40 seconds

Where do you write fics? I really want to read your fics...

It's interesting to see the way the bh editors work

Where is the vmin break up mini movie video from?

Do you ship Jimin or Tae with k pop girls?

The members trying to break off a vmin moment on cam?

Is it true that bts don't live together?

What do you think about the concept photos? (PERSONA)

What other vmin blogs do you follow or check regularly?

In an usa interview where jimin was kinda leaning on the male interviewer for a few seconds and suddenly tae was looking kinda tense

Did you catch up on everything for bts or/and vmin before the BS&T era?

You should see @vlovers19 blog

I'm sorry if you think I offended you or judged you

Do you know that Tae hold hands with other member even Suga or they all hold hands with each other so it's not only a VMIN thing

About bon voyage 3 and them not sharing rooms and the car

4 oclock is supposedly dedicated to jimin, why Tae waits for him in the park if they live together?

Imagine my surprise when i saw vk/ook,ji/kook were the most popular. I tried to understand but i still don’t get why

Do you think vmins lack of or th reduced amount of skinship comes from the fact that they are same aged friends? 

Other ships (kpopidols) that you like?

Part of me wanted Taehyung to be in Paris too

The boys being apart of the lgbt community that's unrelated to their relationship

If someone in BTS is gay he will try to date girls or maybe marry a girl in the end?

If vmin are really together and if they were to come out, how do you think they would do that?

I feel like they use the word "friend" instead of, idk, "boyfriend”

You saw the hk concert right?

Unknown nickname in his thank you note for “Dark and Wild”

When did Vmin started dating?

Bv3, I ain't getting over it.

I feel like vmin have been sexually involved for a very long time 

Any thoughts abt Tae's three rings on his right hand and always not wearing one on his ring finger?

In bts festa profile 2015 when jimin wrote tae's profile he drew a character that reminds him of taehyung

Did u see the second trailer for bring the soul documentary series? 

In one of your asks you said jk wasn't having a great time in 2017

Are you gonna make a post about vmin sharing rooms?

What would be your top 5 favorite vmin moments? 💜

Run episode to Jm and JK "Are You Guys dating ?"

Barely getting any vmin content

Sometimes i cant help but feel really weird about vmin and feel insecure

Maybe you should just ignore all the asks about other ships

Sharing a car as proof

Docskim not being allowed to release the behind story of Lie

Getting it out of the way… (about various other ships and “proof“)

What are the moments that seems most like "proof" to you? 

Have you seen the Vlive remember party?

At the end of the day, it mostly comes down to personal interpretations and preferences

Do you know why T/ae and J/imin toxic stans really hate each other?

Is it being "delusional" for some vmin fans to think scenery, promise and 4 o' clock are related to vmin?

When will u start answering anons again i really miss ur insight and wise words 

I feel like jimin is forcing himself the affection he is showing is mostly forced

Do you have twitter?

The Rkive Vmin moment when JM ‘refused’ Tae’s cuddle

They were often looking behind cameras and it really shows like in episodes 59&60

Do you think there's a big reason that vm don't do Vlives together anymore

Vmin shippers spreading misinformation in aid of our ship?

Can I use one of your gifs? (I don’t make my own gifs, sorry)

Did you see what Tae said? ie I miss you even after being apart for 10 seconds

When one is clingy, the other will try to act as if it's bothering him

My friend is convinced Ji/kook is real

About namjoon's vlive, "it's a broadcast"

Oof is it just me or the sexual tension was through the roof between vmin in that vlive?

Tae says "our armys are watching this so... " so uhm was that..?

Where does the soulmate thing comes from with vmin?

Taehyung is more open both physically and showing affection wise with every member except Jimin

Have you seen the moments from today's concert? Fukuoka

They can do whatever they want people will say they're such good bros and won't look into it

Holding each other's hands is probably the least platonic thing that they keep doing

Do you know any good vmin analysis youtube account/videos?

why do you think jk and taehyung might not be straight?

Guys, I love vmin so much!

I really like your analysis!! a lot of good points. Can I add a couple things I noticed?

How long do you think vmin have been dating?

u really think vm is real?

Vmin are really bold these days

We get to see them bicker 

The video jimin posted where he's sending hearts to Tae

Feel conflicted about the rise in popularity

I’m a bit worried about the attention Vmin is getting recently

U answered my jik ask so well

Tae being bold because he's bursting with affection

Jimin admitted he was jealous

About the families (+kimchi ep. mini analysis)

About vmin/ji/ook/tae/kook

The whole maknae line

Never seemed to be in the same team

When people "ship" them?

Showing their bond more

About Jikook

About vmin being the less popular ship

Flustered vmin

Yeontan vlive

About the airport moment

Do you think that vmin live together?

About vmin rising in popularity

Do you have a link for that moment during New Year's 2016?

Platonic/bro label on vmin

More than friendship between vmin

My reply - Making Vmin videos

Thank you! A small reply

About my bias

Opinions above people

Once again, THANK YOU ALL so much for loving Vmin so much and for coming to me with your lovely messages. <3

[originalworks25]

The Final Call

“So, you finally called” You said looking at the phone screen watch his face covered in guilt, unsure whether you trusted it whether you trusted him anymore. In the last two weeks you thought you were the perfect happy couple meant to be, but apparently somewhere along the line he’d fell out of love with you and had started stringing you along.  

“I said I would, didn’t I?” He said looking at you seeing the hurt and the simmering anger in his eyes

“We both know you haven't really been good at keeping your words or promises” You said with a small smile “That’s why I always say at the start not to make promises, so this doesn’t end up happening”

“I get it, I really do” He said nodding his head “I’m sorry for everything, for hurting you, for the lies”

“Sometimes sorry doesn’t fix it, you lied so much I don’t even know when they started and I wonder if you even do” You said wanting to look away but forcing yourself to watch him see him, if this was going to be your last time getting to see him you were going to make the most of it remember everything about him not that you didn’t already. Like you didn’t remember his messy curly hair wondering how it felt if you ran your fingers through it, what his lips tasted like, how soft his skin is if you ran you fingers across his cheek, getting lost in those bright blue eyes of his which you knew you could just drown in if you stared too long.  

“I never meant to start lying to you, I just thought it was easier than ending it I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want to be made out to be the bad guy” He said watching you closely knowing you could never hide your emotions they lived there on your face like an open book. You shook your head at his explanations, his excuses, they never made sense none of it did.

“Nice guys don’t lead girls on, they tell them straight what's happening” You said feeling the anger rise and the tears ready to fall “You used me, you kept me along for the ride for your own fun for your own selfish reasons”

“I didn’t mean to” He groaned out rubbing his hands over his face

“You dumped me just in time for your next girlfriend to come along, I'd call that very convenient” You said venom lacing your words “If she hadn't come along would you still have pretended to be in love with me?”

“No!” He shouted as you just nodded looking totally unconvinced “I did love you just not completely the way I did at the start, it was fading you must have felt it as well”

“I just knew you were getting distant and starting to ignore me more and more for your game, I never understood why but now it all makes sense it was because you didn’t even love me anymore you didn’t care about me” You said feeling the anger and the hatred close to taking control as he shook his head

“I did care, I never wanted this to happen, I really did want to try be friends but I was scared that if we talked you'd try and get back with me and I didn’t want to hurt you by telling you I already and someone new” He said looking at you pleading with you to believe him but the anger hit you now full force and you let it

“How many goddamn fucking times do I need to tell you I never wanted to get back together with you? You are so broken and damaged from every girl before and hell I'm broken and damaged by own mother that I never wanted us to get back together any time soon” You said clenching your fists if you could strangle him you knew you would have days ago for never listening “How many times do I need to say it to get it through your stupid thick stubborn head that I’m not a liar, I don’t use people, I don’t manipulate maybe if you paid attention to anything I ever said you'd realise that”

“I couldn’t be sure though...”He said with a sad shrug drifting off leaving the sentence unfinished as you through your head back taking deep breaths letting the anger drain

“I’m sick of repeating the same things john, you should know me by now” You said bringing your head back down to look at him “If you're never going to take anything I say to be the truth what's the point of us even trying to make this friendship work, I can't keep repeating myself all the time hoping you'll finally believe me, it's exhausting this past week trying to get through to you has been so exhausting”

“I know you don’t lie but I don’t know sometimes I just can't believe the things you tell me, like when you say all these nice things about me that no one else ever has” He said with a small smile towards you “I never deserved you”

“You did deserve me before, before the lies but not the way you handled it all at the end, you messed up” You said shaking your head “There’s no going back on that now, the person you are now I don’t know him, the guy I knew wouldn’t have ignored me for hours or days even if you did have a girlfriend I never thought you'd do something like that”

“I don’t know what to say to that” He said with a chuckle

“Yeah you never know what to say when live has you by the throat, I just wanted my friend I wouldn’t have minded if we couldn’t call cause you were talking to a girlfriend but it the fact you just ignored me like I never existed like I never meant anything” You said with a shrug “That’s what I cant forgive you, less than five minutes to send me a text back wouldn’t have hurt you but you couldn’t even do that you'd just completely ignore me instead”

“I can’t be expected to talk to you all the time, to keep you entertained” He said you heard the edge in his words making you flinch

“It didn’t have to be as before but you would wait hours to answer actually no let me correct that you would just never answer me again till the next day, you couldn’t spare me five minutes here and there to answer me after all this time” You said letting the tears fall now “It makes me wonder if you ever did love me, care for me or was it all an act, did you just manipulate me from the start? Was I just someone to keep you entertained till you got bored of me and moved on to someone else?”

“I did love you just I realised we were kidding ourselves this could never work, you knew it as well you just didn’t have the courage to say it I did”

“Don't put words in my mouth, I saw this lasting, do you think I planned Christmas gifts for you just for fun? What do you think I was coming over for valentine's day for? Are you actually so pigheaded?”

“Name calling? Classy" He said with a chuckle as you clenched your fists

“You know if we lived in the same country, I'd have killed you by now like fuck name calling it would-be straight-out murder by now” You said biting your lip shaking your head as he laughed making you smile

“Oh I bet it would have been” He said laughing “You’re so small though and you throw around so many threats, it's hilarious”

“True I am hilarious but I am scary I work with very sharp knives remember” You said with an evil smile and a wink

“Yeah which you’ve hurt yourself with more than anyone else” He said with a grin

“Shut up, exactly I'm dangerous with a knife” You shouted with laughter as you looked at him calming down “I missed you, I missed being able to have someone to have a laugh with, you were my best friend and that’s all I wanted back I didn’t want anything more than that”

“I’m sorry for thinking you did, I should have trusted you more” He said as you nodded

“Yeah you should have, I'll try be your friend now if you want but if you push me away again or continue to ignore me for hours or days I'm gone because I'm not going to hang around someone who can't appreciate me”

“That's fair enough, I am sorry for everything Amy” He said nodded as you nodded as well

“I know you but sorry doesn’t fix this mess completely anymore John” You said with one last small smile before hitting the end call button as you let the tears fall and cried for the end of your relationship and your best friend, he’d talk to you but it would never be like before you both could never be as close again.  

[yumeka36]

Frozen in Kingdom Hearts 3

After 5 years of wanting and waiting, I finally played through the first Frozen world in a Kingdom Hearts game. So how was it?

**BEWARE - SPOILERS AHEAD**

Of course I was extremely excited when a Frozen world was confirmed for KH3. But as we got closer to release day and I was reading more about the game and specific things about the Frozen world in particular, I started getting a tad apprehensive. According to this interview with Kingdom Hearts creator Tetsuya Nomura, he said it was easier to get approval from Disney for past KH games because the creative teams for the older movies were no longer there, but for recent movies like Frozen, those teams are still active at Disney and want more control of their titles. In another interview, he talked about how much back and forth was involved between Disney and Square Enix throughout the game’s development and having to get approval from Disney for every little character and story detail. Comments like this, together with the fact that a lot of the Frozen scenes shown in the KH3 trailers were scenes directly from the movie, made me a bit nervous that Disney would be too protective of their precious franchise and not allow Square Enix to have much freedom with making new plot and character scenarios. After seeing the first Frozen trailer, I had all these grandiose ideas in my head, like Larxene convincing Elsa to give in to darkness and Sora being forced to fight her to snap her out of it (like with the Beast in KH2), or even Larxene and Elsa fighting (lightning vs ice!). Or something more complex when they teased the new seven princesses of heart plot, like how Elsa ended up not being one of the pure hearts because her heart almost gave in to darkness (due to all her fears and self doubts) but Anna is one of the pure hearts so Organization XIII captures her and Elsa wants to save her but cant’s so Sora steps in (this would occur after the movie plot resolves of course). But as time went on I came down from those fantasies and realized that although there will be some new scenes and plot points, it’s going to follow the movie closely for the most part. So as release day drew near, I kept my expectations lowered.

I’m sure I’m not the only fan who was disappointed when it was revealed in one of the Nomura interviews that neither Anna nor Elsa would be party members in the game. I understand Elsa not being a party member since it wouldn’t make sense from a story perspective for her to willingly travel around with others. But it made much more sense for Anna and Kristoff to be party members since they’re on a journey together through most of the movie. And it makes even more sense when you compare it to the Tangled world where both Eugene and Rapunzel are party members. So I can’t understand why Anna and Kristoff weren’t the Arendelle party members. Not that I have anything against Marshmallow, and his yearning to protect Elsa was cute and all, but in literally every other Kingdom Hearts Disney world, the characters Sora teams up with are the main characters from that movie, the characters that everyone loves and are the most popular. So having one of the minor characters be the only party member in the world of one of the most popular Disney movies, is disappointing. And Marshmallow doesn’t even join the group until closer to the end, so most of Arendelle is just Sora, Donald, and Goofy maneuvering through ice mazes and snowy mountains fighting lots of Heartless and Nobodies. It’s fun for the most part but I found it getting stale after a while - having the world’s unique characters join the battles makes them much more interesting, so without that here, they got repetitive fast. 

They could have at least made Anna, Elsa, and/or Kristoff “pseudo” party members, like in Birth by Sleep where you’d have to maneuver through an area while protecting a character who doesn’t actually fight in a sort of mini-game fashion. They did have that mini-game of finding Olaf’s parts, but it was short and honestly kind of boring, especially compared to the other world-specific mini-games in KH3 (and am I the only one who thinks it’s ludicrous that Sora is amazed at and Donald is doubtful of a talking snowman when they’ve seen talking toys, skeletons, and tons of other equally unbelievable stuff in their adventures?) To be honest, the only reason I can think of for such a lack of Arendelle party members is solely due to Disney being very restrictive of the characters of their most popular movie and being super sensitive to any “violent” depictions of them and thus not wanting them in any sort of fighting sequences. 

Sadly, not having the main characters as party members just made it seem a bit...empty, especially coming off of the Tangled world. Because Eugene and Rapunzel were party members, they spent a lot of time with Sora and co. and they shared a lot of dialogue both in and out of battles and cutscenes (and the dancing mini-game was adorable). By the end, their friendship with Sora seemed earned and real, but at the same time, it DID NOT take anything away from Eugene and Rapunzel’s character development in terms of the movie plot: Sora helped them of course, but in the important moments, like Rapunzel realizing she’s the lost princess, the lantern scene, and their confrontation with Gothel at the end, Sora did not interfere. The Tangled world had the perfect mix of staying true to the movie while also having enough Kingdom Hearts flavor to make it a new experience. Arendelle got a bit cheated in this regard in my opinion. The cutscenes Sora shared with Anna and Elsa were good, but those were the only times he talked to them. The part with Elsa at the very beginning of the world was among my favorites...but that was literally the only time he interacted with her - no other conversations at all, even at the end. 

This is such a shame as Sora seemed to really have a connection to her and was so sweetly concerned about her throughout the whole story. The scene he shared with Anna where she told him about herself and Elsa via an abridged version of “Do you want to build a snowman?” was a very good scene too, but again, after that and the Olaf mini-game a little later, Sora and co. never talk to Anna again. I can think of a few cutscenes they could have added that would have made Sora’s connection with the characters better but still not take away anything from the main Frozen plot, for example, Sora and co. talking to Elsa when she’s in the dungeon before she flees and they get frozen out, crossing the fjord with Anna (the “hiding behind rocks to block the storm” mechanic could have been used for this), or even having a new area for the trolls - not only would that have added nice variety to the world’s terrain (going back and forth around the North Mountain got a bit repetitive, and Larxene’s ice labyrinth added nothing to the story and was kind of a pointless detour) but I could see definite mini-game potential with the trolls too. Another possible scene could be of Sora and co. visiting Elsa in her palace as Hans is attacking her with the help of Heartless (how else could you explain his managing to capture her without anyone else’s help?)

Speaking of Hans, that’s one movie cutscene they should not have left out: the scene where Hans betrays Anna. Without this scene, Hans gets zero explanation other than Kristoff mentioning he’s Anna’s true love. So Sora and co. have no idea that the guy who carried Elsa away and then tried to kill her was Hans, nor will anyone else if they haven’t seen the movie (yeah, all 2 of you who haven’t seen it). In the Tangled world, we get the full scenes of Rapunzel confronting Gothel about being the lost princess and then Gothel imprisoning her and stabbing Eugene, so why don’t we get an equivalent “villain reveal” scene for Frozen? And while Marluxia explains why Organization XIII wants Rapunzel to stay with Gothel, Larxene doesn’t even acknowledge Hans despite him literally turning into a Heartless in the end (wouldn’t he technically be dead after turning into a Heartless? But his Heartless didn’t actually get destroyed after the battle so does that mean it’s still out there somewhere? That part was strangely ambiguous). I have no proof for this, but I feel like Hans being left out so blatantly is because they couldn’t get a voice actor for him for some reason, as weird as that sounds (would also explain why we didn’t get the scene of him telling Elsa that Anna is dead because of her). 

The battle against Hans’ Heartless was friggin’ awesome though. Such a cool design and challenging battle - but the timing was so awkward! In the middle of perhaps the most important scene in Frozen where Anna sacrifices herself to save Elsa, we’re thrust into this big battle. Then after that’s done and Anna is thawing, we get interrupted AGAIN by another scene with Larxene. Why couldn’t the Heartless battle have been after Elsa thaws everything, then they notice Hans getting covered in darkness, Sora tells everyone to stand back, and then the battle commences. The scene with Larxene could then take place as Sora is leaving Arendelle.

But the single most thing I was disappointed about was not having any sort of closing scene between Sora and the Frozen characters. Literally every other Kingdom Hearts game has Sora exchanging well wishes and thank yous to the new friends he made after the story’s finale via some cute and funny moments. We get none of that for Arendelle - after Elsa thaws everything as Sora, Donald, and Goofy look on (the Frozen characters don’t even acknowledge they’re there), the camera panes away, we switch to a cutscene with Aqua, and then Sora’s suddenly back on the Gummiship. There’s absolutely no excuse to not have a goodbye scene: the story’s over, so it’s not like Sora talking to the characters at this point will affect the plot. These scenes are always such treats for fans, ESPECIALLY for a world like Arendelle that’s already lacking scenes of Sora interacting with the characters. This would have also been a perfect opportunity for the characters to explain Hans to Sora, similar to how the closing scene in Tangled informed Sora about Flynn Rider’s real name. The only reason I can think of for Arendelle not getting a closing scene like this is the same reason for the lack of party members; Disney’s being overly protective of how Frozen is depicted in official media beyond the movie’s canon. A part of me was hoping the new seven hearts plot point would surface again later in the game and involve more scenes with Rapunzel, Anna, and Elsa...but it never did. At least that’s something to look forward to in future Kingdom Hearts games.

But hey, despite getting kicked out of Arendelle so abruptly, at least we’re allowed to go back and do this:

All this complaining probably makes you think I didn’t enjoy the Frozen world in KH3. I definitely did enjoy it and I’m so glad my favorite movie finally got a role in a Kingdom Hearts game. The cutscenes were beautifully done, the music and songs were nice, and though they occasionally looked off at times, the character models looked fantastic. Overall I just felt there was some lost potential. To a Frozen fan who’s not very familiar with Kingdom Hearts, my complaints might seem like nitpicking, but for someone like me who’s both a Frozen fan and has played every single Kingdom Hearts game and knows very well how its Disney worlds are presented, I thought Arendelle got a little cheated. Maybe Nomura and the KH3 staff really did intend to present the world this way, with Sora being much more of a bystander...but my gut feeling is telling me it’s Disney. It makes sense they’d place more restrictions on Frozen compared to the other Disney movies for two reasons; 1) it’s their highest grossing animated movie and Frozen’s director/writer Jennifer Lee is the current head of Disney Animation, and 2) Frozen 2 comes out in less than a year so that would make them even more sensitive to any non-canon depictions of the world and characters that might alter whatever image they want to uphold for the sequel (this would also explain why Tangled didn’t get as many restrictions even though it’s a very popular Disney franchise too). Whatever the reason, I can’t help feeling a bit disappointed, but at the same time, I completely understand that Frozen is only, like, 10% of the game’s substance and everything else about it is fantastic (I will likely make another post of screenshots conveying all the feels I had for the ending of the game!)

And after resigning myself to the fact that we won’t get anymore Frozen scenes in KH3, once the end credits were rolling and they started showing cute little epilogue scenes for each Disney world, I was waiting with baited breath to see if Frozen would be included (I was ready to flip a table if it wasn’t). And thankfully we were treated to an utterly adorable scene:

(More screenshots and video link here)

Hopefully we won’t have to wait another 13 years for Kingdom Hearts 4. I can’t wait to see how the new Lost Masters story arc will unfold and if Anna and Elsa will be more involved now that they’re confirmed to be new princesses of heart. Especially with Frozen 2 coming out soon, Sora’s return to their world is likely (maybe this time Anna and/or Elsa will actually be party members - I can dream can’t I?) Whatever it is, I look forward to all the possibilities future KH games have in store ;)