#i mean even in other stuff seeing people be casually gay sometimes still makes me like. le gasp!

[authenticaussie]

AHHH??? AHHHH?????????

LIKE. 1997? BRO? BRO???!??? Like I was Thinking but also NINETEEN-NINTY-SEVEN, I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS---

[laundrybiscuits]

Just curious and i like hearing your thoughts on this stuff. May i ask what aspect of steddie fanon you're referring to (which don't fit IRL queer culture so accurately)?

Ahaha...okay so. IMPORTANT NOTE: fandom is not that crucial, do whatever you want, run free through daisy fields of whatever headcanons and characterizations you please. Also, fic is not real life and that's okay!!

That being said, fandom can get slightly weird about sex, especially queer sexual cultures and especially historical queer sexual cultures. I mean, I get it! Our current hegemonic understanding of sexuality is actually pretty recent; I studied sexuality from a sociological perspective as part of my undergrad degree, focusing on moral panics (gosh I wonder why Eddie's character arc appeals to me! so mysterious!), and I know just enough to know that I don't know shit. So I certainly don't expect anyone to be doing paradigm-shifting sociohistorical research for a fic. That would be ridiculous.

All of this is leading up to say that based on 1) the relayed experiences of queer mentors who were in the scene in the 80s 2) the secondary sources I’ve researched 3) personally having many gay male friends who love oversharing through the last ~15 years, I believe that if canon-compliant gay Eddie Munson is a virgin, it’s largely by choice. 

I've seen it suggested that Eddie's poor academic performance and nerdy interests would be, essentially, a dick deterrent. And like...I enjoy Eddie’s weirdo loser vibe as much as the next fan. I fully support him not being in any way smooth or cool with boys. But even when I myself was in my late teens/early twenties, many of my closest friends were awkward nerdy twinks who absolutely managed to get laid every weekend because MSM* hookup culture is eternal. 

And in the early 80s, when Eddie would’ve been in his late teens, MSM hookup culture was at its peak. AIDS still wasn’t being taken that seriously, and transmission etc. wasn’t really understood because…well, you know this story. It’s not a good story. Fuck Reagan. 

In short, I really can’t emphasize enough how certain types of sexual contact were extremely available for men seeking sex with men. A pretty young thing like Eddie could have literally as much sex as he wanted. Nobody is asking him for a high school transcript or anything about his hobbies, they’re asking if he tops. 

Now, would Eddie actually participate in the hookup culture of the time? That's a more complicated and speculative question, and not actually what you asked, but I'm going to talk about it briefly anyway.

In the 'yes' column: he has his own vehicle**, zero supervision, and a penchant for risky behavior.

In the 'no' column: the boy has at least three extremely involved hobbies eating up his spare time and energy; he's also a not-so-secret romantic.

Personally, I can see the pseudo-intimacy appealing to Eddie's tendency to keep people at arm's length, and I think it’s very plausible for him to be curious and experimental enough to want to explore a bit. I tend to land on 'tried it a few times, doesn't make a habit of it' in my backstories. I also tend to hint at the softer, friendlier side of hookup culture in my fics, just because I don’t often see it represented. 

Of course it’s like any other scene, there are bad actors and generally shitty people/situations, and sometimes the MSM scene specifically can be a bit of a soul-draining meat market. (ETA, because I am not white and neither are the vast majority of my friends and I felt increasingly weird not mentioning it even though it's not relevant to Eddie's situation: the scene is often also super racist, among other things! But that's a whooole other complicated kettle of fish, and again, not relevant to Eddie's situation.)

But there’s also space for casual sex to be part of a friendly relationship, in a way that I don’t really see in hetero circles. It’s hard to explain. It’s one of those dynamics that basically never shows up in mainstream media at all, so I absolutely don’t blame fics that don’t show it either. It’s just one of those things.

This is a step to the left, but I recommend checking out Dykes To Watch Out For: it’s practically an anthropological document depicting dyke culture in the 80s, it’s often funny as hell, and it’s just a fantastically detailed and relatively accessible window into a particular way of life that doesn’t really exist anymore. 

*MSM = men who have sex with men. It’s a sociological designation; not everyone in this category identifies as gay, bi, queer, etc. It may be useful to think about sexuality as having three distinct components: behavior, identity, and desire. The term “MSM” puts focus on the behavioral aspect, because it’s most relevant in this context. 

**As someone who has experienced several other countries' driving cultures, I just want to emphasize to non-Americans how willing many Americans are to drive for multiple hours for basically any reason whatsoever.

[dogcodedcatboy]

❣️ 🫂 💔 💘 :33

HI JERM !!!! thank u for sending me asks as always u are very. kind and im glad to see u in my notifs my beloved mutual!!

aaroman pining is haunting bc they're just both so fucking Weird to eachother especially when they first start 'hanging out'. their relationship starts off purely sexual and then turns in to something else (this post is something btw). roman cant be gay for real so he microdoses it with a cool rando, much less risky than doing it with people adjacent to the company (ie. 'you hired your personal trainer to jerk you off' via succession canon). no feelings involved. the idea of *romance* is far too actually gay and stupid and he would /never/ do that...he just thinks aaron is cool and wants to see him all the time and maybe kiss and etc etc etc WHATEVER. so very in denial. ANYWAY the actual questions

❣️describe a time one of you almost took a chance at making a move on the other, only to chicken out.

for the purpose of their whole thing im narrowing this to mean like, an exclusively romantic move. roman would worry about this more actually. aaron has done hookups and can (sometimes begrudgingly) navigate around those boundaries. roman is less experienced. wondering if it'd be weird of him to buy aaron...flowers? its corny but it's a thing people do, maybe a nice way to say 'thanks for blowing my back out, my good sir'. he'd spend a great deal of time looking at rose bouquets online before eventually feeling stupid and worrying that aaron would also think he was stupid.

🫂 what's one significant moment of physical contact you had during the pining stage

ough...first time aaron stays the night in whatever hotel they meet up at...he's used to the pump n dump and just like, ubering home. maybe roman would call him a ride, if he's feeling generous. but one night its just so late, and theyre both just tipsy enough to not want to fuss about cars and shit, so aaron stays over. they share the bed and keep a little valley in between them. roman's not a cuddler and he's made that clear. but that hotel ac is COLD. and maybe he can stand to warm his feet up on aaron, maybe he should just scoot back a little for maximum body heat theft. aaron allows this, of course, falling asleep butt to butt with their legs tangled together.

💔 were there ever any moments of angst or jealousy thanks to the hidden feelings?

aaron is a beautiful BPD princess ... and roman is a traumatized abandonment + daddy issues princess... the weird jealousy despite having what starts as a no strings attached thing is absolutely bonkers. roman hates that hes not the only person aaron has this arrangement with but literally cant do anything about it. aaron is much more jealous during their relationship but in the beginning as he's starting to catch feelings he still gets weird about stuff. (once aaron lays eyes on stewy and sees him put a hand on romans shoulder casually in conversation one time its literally world war three in his mind. getting his gothgirl bff to cast evil spells)

as far as plain angst...i mean its roman there's so much angst and denial and trauma to work thru. and aaron as well. i can hardly go in to detail or this would get even longer.

💘 (if applicable) what moment made them realize they were in love with you?

this is difficult bc i think roman is horrible at figuring out his own feelings. i think he realizes hes in love with aaron like 4 times before he lets it stick. just like catching a glimpse of aaron laughing with a group of people across the room..caught off guard by aaron's stupid sexy voice and the way the light makes his brown eyes look like that and the way people can't help but stare at him because he's so magnetic...and then hes like. fuck. what. no. what was that. i was possessed. but eventually he can't ignore it.

theres a rlly great prose bit i wrote w the help of a friend abt roman having a shitty family thing happen at some kind of family/waystar event. he finds aaron and the two of them sneak out of the thing. aaron taking roman for a walk around the city. they stop at the restaurant aaron works at and he sneaks in the back to make them fancy pesto grilled cheese sandwiches and they sit by the water and talk about life and /feelings/, in the limited way that roman can talk about that stuff. he ends up opening up more than he thought he would. and i think he realizes then that he Really loves aaron and doesnt want to just be fuckbuddies or whatever they are

[hazzascul]

This is my first post, and I may come of as strong, and straightforward but it's stuff which has been waiting a looooog time to get out.

So, I really wanted to address the situation or 1d, the reunion and Larry.

Sometimes, things are not as they seem.

And its so f*cking often that it seriously terrifies me. You never know what someone is going through or how your words may effect them.

This is in context of 1d,mainly Larry, mainly Harry.

Over the top, it looks so much like this is a perfect band, who are perfect frends in the real world, where they have all this fame and win all those awards. But do we ever think about how they feel? Personally, when I joined the fandom, I didn't. I desperately wanted them to get back together, because I felt like they owed it to us, coz they made a promise. But now, 3-4 years later, I'm not mad at them, I'm mad at me. Because it never occurred to me that maybe they didn't wanna do that!

Today, seeing who they are and how far all of them have come truly amazes me and makes me so proud.

Yeah, nobody's prefect, and perfect is boring. Your imperfections make you who you are.

Being as young as they were, especially Harry, I mean 16! F*cking h*ll, I'm 16! So I kind of understand his background, and his pov in what he did and why he did it. I feel like it's such a, crucial age to be growing up, I feel like everything that happens around me, influences and affects me. And him having all this fame and attention and everything, obviously it goes to your head, and changes who you are. I am a people pleaser, I don't like it when people are not satisfied with what I'm doing, and I'll do my best to please them, no matter how much time, effort and energy it takes.

I feel like Harry is kind of similar in that aspect. He was and is such a people pleaser and then suddenly one day he had a world to please! He had to impress people, and had this constant pressure of not fucking it up in front of thousands of people yk? And that's not f*cking easy! He makes it seem like it is.

I specifically hate management for what they did to hary and louis, obviously all the boys suffered, and maybe I'm biased cause I am a huge Larry girl, but still. It was so much like, there's 5 boys, who have no background, no identity, no idea of what it's like to be out in the world, no experience basically. And they took sm advantage of that. They shaped certain images of how the boys are and how they will or not do stuff according to how they want them to look like!

Harry was called a womanizer when he was 16! He was asked uncomfortable questions in interviews and even tho he laughed it off, it was very serious! He was constantly shown with women older than him, with huge ass age gaps, and we don't even know if those relationships are true, but it still paints a picture of him. They s*xualised him so much, to the point where it became normal to ask offending and personal questions casually in interviews.

You could Definitely see how the boys changed over the years, especially Larry. I'm a huge Larry, ngl, and they weren't allowed to show affection or be together or whatever, and louis had to maintain a fake relationship was so many years, I mean that relationship is faker than Kim k's ass, they had to do pr stunts, just to keep those rumors away about them being gay. I mean- Ofc how did they even have the audacity to shake hands or smile at each in public or sit next to each other?!

Its not wrong. Its who they are!

But I also feel like fandom did make a huge deal out of it, but that was natural, really.

Over the years, Harry most probably felt like he had to make people happy, and he probably made very irrational decisions. But everyone makes mistakes right? He was allowed too.

It's so many years after that now, and it still reflects in his actions and decisions. He is so much more private about stuff now, I don't think he was like that before, but now he is. And that's partly because he doesn't know what how people get affected or twist his words and make a big deal out of it.

After the pandemic tho, he finally looks happy, like he's finally figured out what he likes, and what he wants to do, and not care about what people think of his actions. Even tho all of their contracts are still on, and Modest! can still control them (honestly f*ck s*Mon cowbell, the parasite), it finally feels like they have all found themselves again. All of them look happy, although zayn and Liam are still struggling with stuff. Louis, Harry and Niall have come so far, have put out such good music and found themselves a safe place.

I right now seriously feel like being in 1d was like a traumatic past experience for them, from which they are finally moving on. Obviously, like all of the boys constantly say, all of us including them are glad that something so epic and unforgettable like 1d happened, but it is better left in the past.

I truly feel like forcing a reunion on them is gonna ruin things, because they have a past that they can't just forget about, they have to figure out so many things, and do so many things and achieve so much more because they deserve the world just like you do.

I know that all of us think that supporting them and encouraging Larry or the reunion and stuff is good and nice, but it can build up a lot of pressure guys. Seeing such a huge fanbase for Larry, people often question or directly consider or assume their s*xuality,which is neither fair nor nice.

Sometimes it's nice to back off and give them their space, and let them figure things out on their own, with their own time.

It can happen a lot sooner than you think and if it doesn't happen, don't be mad at them please, because they're doing what makes them happy, and you can't be selfish enough to take that away right?

They've come so far, and all of us are so proud and so happy for them, do we really wanna mess that up for them?

This is a very unpopular opinion guys, and I meant no offence to anyone, but s*Mon cowbell, he can die for all I care. Please don't mind the strong language.

Treat people and yourself with kindness, because you deserve it!

Don't be afraid to seek out to me!

All the love,

Kats ❤️

[aviiarie]

YAP SESSION AHEAD. INCOMING. FULL SPEED. be WARNED....

furina's wife anon lore reveal because something literally life changing happened yesterday and i need need NEED TO TELL SOMEONE ARRGRGH!!!! ALSO ALSO SORRY I DON'T MEAN THIS TO BE VENTING AT ALL!!! JUST STORYTIME. FOR THINE ENJOYMENT. Because I do believe I can be amusing sometimes maybe I Don't Know

Imagine, if you will. 1st grade. Small quiet kid with very much undiagnosed autism. Meets the pretty popular girl who is super extroverted and talks a lot to everyone and has a lot of friends and is the most stunning person in class and perhaps the most stunning person to ever person ever.

(at least in small quiet kid's eyes)

Best of friends. WHOOO WOULD'VE THOUGHT??? My first and only real friend ever AND best friend ever and. Because the gays can never have nice things. My first crush. Whoa. (But also I was like 7 and didn't know what being gay was so I ooobviously could only be foreseeing only futures for myself where we were married in a platonic way! Speaking of actually. I feel like everybody knew I was autistic before I was and targeted specifically me but WHATEVER so the mean girls in kindergarten a year earlier thought I was doing naughty naughty stuff. As a 5 year old. When I was practicing KUNG FU???? And after I tried to explain, called me gay and refused to elaborate on what that meant when I asked????)

It got to the point where physical affection was very common y'know!! Like. Hugs. Cuddles, even. I remember it happened once in 2nd and the teacher told us we had to cut it out which STILL MAKES ME LAUGH but anyway. WAIT ACTUALLY before we move on from 2nd grade there's ONE THING THAT. OOOHH MY GOD. So Crush. Liked a boy. Of course. The popular athlete. Conventionally attractive. Of course. And the three of us sat in a circle one day. The topic somehow came to race. They both said "I'm white!" and me, a naive child with a white father and absent asian mother, replied "I'm white too!" since I hadn't seen my mom since 15 months old—and GOD forbid Father teach me anything about my culture. ANYWAY. BLAH BLAH BLAH. TELL ME WHY THIS BOY FULLY TURNS TO ME. LOOKS ME UP AND DOWN. AND SAYS, "No. You're brown." SORRY THAT'S KINDA OFF TOPIC BUT I'M BAFFLED EVERY TIME I REMEMBER THAT AND I THINK IT IS SOMEWHAT COMICAL. There's so much bullshit that kids said to me as literally the only asian kid in the school but THOSE ARE STORIES FOR OTHER NIGHTS.

ANYWHO! FAST FORWARD! 3RD GRADE! Here's where it gets WICKED. So. Girl in class. Also quiet artsy kid. Somehow starts talking to Crush. And they start hanging out more. Do note, small quiet autistic child has unresolved abandonment issues due to said mother leaving. And is also very much undiagnosed. And not having friends. In the slightest. So. I see other kid as Public Enemy #1, and take Crush's casual friend-making as "oh my god she hates me and she's leaving me oh my god she hates me oh my god"

So I became possessive over her. I don't remember quite exactly what I did, but I recall having an "argument" about it right at the end of third grade. It's honestly quite embarrassing to admit now how much I didn't want her to leave. But guess what happened when fourth started? I skipped through the gates, expecting fully and immediately to see radiant blond belting off rays of sunshine directly into my eyes.

No! That did not happen! The gays cannot be happy! Guess who moved schools!

It wasn't like she didn't warn me, either. She did. Many times during the months prior. I just wasn't ready to process it until I was eye-to-eye with a searing light instead of hers.

That was the seed of my depression. It all started from there. I was going through hell and hell was determined to force other people into it through me, too. I do feel like the anger and irritability part of depression is severely overlooked. I was mad at myself and everyone except her until it festered a little and theeen I became mad at her.

A few years ago I would've looked back and seen a jealous, controlling antagonist who cared only for herself and halting her insecurities and held no regard for other people's feelings. But when I look back now, I see a child navigating complex emotions for the first time and doing what she could with what she was given.

BLALALALA SERIOUS TIME OVER. So I was halfway through fourth when covid did its covid thing!! Very angsty child becomes locked up in house oh no!!!! POINT IS. I spent 6 years absolutely TORN TF UP over my "first lesbian breakup" BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS DEVASTATING?????? MY FIRST REAL FRIEND EVER. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE US??????? WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE TOGETHER WITH OUR CATS AND HAVE WEDDING PICTURES SPLAYED OVER THE HALLWAY?¿??????????

To be fair, I did think I was over it!!! Like. When I say I thought of her every single day for 3 years straight I am not exaggerating in the slightest. It was BAD. Little kid was DOWN BAD. Buut then I grew up a little and stopped thinking about her as much and I was like "wow so I'm finally free!"

May 20somethingeth of this year. Prozac. DOOO YOU KNOW WHAT A COMMON SIDE EFFECT OF PROZAC IS .... vivid dreams. I thought, "oh wow it can't possibly be that bad lol what would I even have dreams about!!!!"

For the past month. I would wake with tears in my eyes after VERY MUCH HAVING A DREAM ABOUT HER. AFTER 6 YEARS????? AND NOT THINKING ABOUT HER THAT MUCH SINCE. A FEW YEARS AGO????????? anywho! So it got me thinking about her a lot recently (against my will!) and it culminated into YESTERDAY.

Yesterday. I was listening to "once more to see you" by mitski because of course I was listening to "once more to see you" by mitski and it did indeed come after "good luck babe" and "casual" BECAUSE OF COURSE IT CAME AFTER. So I found myself getting a little emo and depresspress. And I don't even know how we got from point A to point B but I dusted off my crusty old Instagram for the first time in ever and typed in Crush's name.

DO YOU KNOW WHO POPS UP. 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS. AND I FIND A PRIVATE ACCOUNT UNDER CRUSH'S NAME. WHO'S IN THE PROFILE PICTURE????? Long blond hair. The angle was set at 0.5x but to me it looked like she'd never changed at all.

One of my old friends from the area was following her too so I was like. Yeah. Yeah that's her. Buuut just to make sure because I'm a sigma or whatever I texted her like. "Is that her?" But in a very convoluted way because I'm me and I'm different!! (I just added very specific details that. Would only pertain to Crush) AND OLD FRIEND SAYS YES. I START FREAKING THE FUCK OUT BECAUSE. 6 YEARS. I HAVE BEEN LOSING MY MIND FOR 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS OF ANGUISH AND PUNISHING MYSELF BECAUSE I THOUGHT I SINGLEHANDEDLY FUCKED UP THE ONLY REAL FRIENDSHIP I'D EVER HAVE BECAUSE I WAS JUST THE WORST HUMAN TO EVER HUMAN EVER. Hehe anyway! OLD FRIEND SAYS THAT CRUSH IS ADDING ME ON SNAP. I START SHAKING. QUIVERING. TREMBLING IN MY BOOTS. MY SHIVERS WERE TIMBERED.

So. A few things happened on snap. IT'S ALMOST OVER I SWEAR THANK YOU FOR STICKING WITH ME 🙏🙏🙏 SO. First thing that should've maybe put me off a little. Crush says "how do I know you?" Which. Okay. I aaaam genderfluid and go by a different name than I used to BUT with the other stuff that transpired It's Heavily Suspicious. So I type our elementary school name because I DON'T WILLINGLY SAY MY DEADNAME 🤬🤬🤬🤬 DUH 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 anyway. AND SHE SAYS "ohhh i think i know where this is going" LMAO and i say "YEAH...." and give a lil description of me and she's like yup that's you. Definitely.

(little side note. When I told her she LITERALLY SAID "my mom totally called it lmao" AS IN HER MOM CALLED ME BEING A GENDER SWITCHER??? GIRL.)

I wonder how much aura I lost from this conversation actually. Here's how it went.

Crush: how do you still remember all of that?

Me (sigma chad): i could never forget

Crush: what

THAT'S GENUINELY . WHAT HAPPENED. THAT'S WHAT I SAID. AND THAT WAS HER RESPONSE. that should've been STRIKE NUMBER TWO. SO THEN. I'M JUST LIKE. "there's so much I want to tell you y'know, first I want to apologize" AND SHE SAYS "apologize for what?" OR SOMETHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

Let me sum this up. I spent 6 years in Lesbian Limbo because kiddo me fucked up a little. I find Crush to get closure. SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER MOST OF WHAT HAPPENED????? 6 YEARS. I CANNOT GET OVER THIS. 6 YEARS I SPENT. AND SHE DOESN'T REMEMBER MOST OF IT.

So now here we are. It is a little freeing to know that she didn't think of it the way I did, but I can't help but be a little upset that all of that time was wasted over something. That. UGH. THIS KEEPS HAPPENING I SWEAR I'M CURSED. I KEEP GIVING PEOPLE WHO DON'T WANT ME ALL OF MY TIME AND ALL OF MY MIND AND ALL OF MY HEART AND AAAARRRGRHRHRRGGHHH

But it's okay because now. After the lesbiban falling for straight bestie arc. And heartbreak arc. And depresspress arc. I AM GOING TO HAVE MY MOVING ON ARC!!!!! LIVING A HAPPY LIFE ARC!!!!!!!!! YES!!!¡!!!!!!!! (I'm still processing but I think we're getting there :])

Tea Time Over! Thank You For Listening! If this is scattered umm GELP PLEASE SPARE ME I have triple A supreme whammy package combo of amnesia autism adhd (we are Twinning!) I HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL. And that this wasn't too much of a pain to read holy shit

SIGNED!!! FURINA'S WIFE!!!! WITH LOVE!!!!!! FURINA'S WIFE OUT!!!!!!

ANON. HELLO. HI. GOOD EVENING.

this ask was a wild ride from start to finish HAHAHAHA okay, okay. for starters, i can understand where kid-you was coming from. i mean, that kind of jealous 'no one can be friends with them but me!' attitude is one that some kids just go through when they're dealing with hard emotions for the first time, and learning how to think about others and take their feelings into consideration. it's not good, but i think the way you responded to it is pretty normal for your age. it's good that you can look back on it and see how you've matured since then, and see how much better you can handle your own emotions now. that shows growth!

(side note, but i know what you mean?? with the whole having a puppy crush on your best friend because she's so perfect and amazing and fun to be around... little me was making heart eyes at my friends before i even knew what the word gay meant AHAHA... though, i do think at least half of my crushes were closer to friend-crushes because i was a baby aro-spec(??) and didn't know how to tell friendship from romantic love--but i digress!)

ALSO THE STORY ABOUT THE 'i'm white!' IS WILD?????? kids are so out of pocket sometimes oml

but okay moving on HELLO??????? the vivid dreams.... and FINDING HER ON INSTA????? okay, okay. that is... wow. there are some childhood friends i have that i am so curious about what they're up to now, but i never had the courage to search their names.

(side note 2, HER MUM CALLING IT ON YOU BEING GENDERFLUID IS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHA)

the conversation though..... i got second hand embarrassment IM SORRY. but augh. six years, and then nothing. that is even more painful than the childhood friend i reunited with, spoke one sentence to, and then never talked to again. to be clear we were CLOSE. best friends. and now we see each other every so often, we just.... dont talk. and younger me would be crying if they knew that.

i know it must hurt a lot knowing she doesn't remember you, but in the end, it's good that you could some closure, as bittersweet as it may be. i hope you can move on from it now, because letting someone consume that much of your life isn't healthy. there are people who will be there for you with the same time and energy you're there for them! but putting all of yourself into another person, letting your life revolve around them is not!!! good!!!!!

i mean, i think a life-altering, emotionally damaging, unrequited crush on their best friend is like. a lesbian canon event, but you can move forward! in time, this will be just an experience you look back on with nostalgia, rather than pain.

AAAHHHH this was. a lot. i'm wishing you luck in the moving on arc, and hoping you move into the LIVING A HAPPY LIFE arc very soon!

[22degreehalo]

Sooo once again recently I have been browsing various queer-centric merchandise on etsy and the like, and (as always) been disappointed at the quantity/quality of aspec-focused stuff. Which also ties in to an overall (IMO) egregious lack of aspec... memey stuff?? and general place in, like, actual community everyday conversation, outside of painfully repetitive and boring identity glossaries.

And. It's difficult. It really feels so difficult, sometimes. To talk about being aspec without

a) being sex-negative in really gross, harmful ways (that just as often harm other aspecs btw)

b) being like... super self-deprecating in a way that I feel also harms aspecs and reinforces the idea of us as losers and failures in a kind of 'are they laughing at us or with us' kind of way.

One way is to lean into the silly quirky 'food is better than sex' kind of thing, and also puns. The puns I like but a really shitty and awful part of myself deep down sometimes finds the food stuff actually kind of. cringey...? Which is stupid and I hate it but once again I feel myself being made fun of by allos and also it's just. kind of shallow and a one-note joke that has been overdone at this point (due to lack of other options) for me personally

The other big way I've seen is to lean into the whole confident rejection schtick. Big 'Nope' word art and the like. And that's fine but it often feels a bit too... misanthropic? for me. I like people!!!!! Or it's very female-focused and feeds too much into that whole ideals of 'women who let men touch them are Tainted' and/or 'women deserve better than men' which I. hate.

so I've been wondering a lot if what I'm wanting - memey/funny aspec-focused stuff that actually feels authentic and at least some tiny amount of original - is even possible?

So far my ideas are. a) make it casual/nonclinical by going so fucking dorky that it wraps around in the other direction. like idk a shirt that says 'Asexuality: the lack of sexual attraction to people of all genders. Hope that helps guys!!! Subscribe for more cool asexuality facts :)' I think if I saw that shirt I'd slightly suspect I was being made fun of but would vibe so hard I'd still like it unironically lmfao

Softening the rejection stuff also could be fun. Like 'I love every person in the world!! (as a friend <3)' or something. more eloquent lol

And just, in general non-sequiturs. It bugs me so inordinately when I see those kinds of posts or whatever that are like 'I'm tired, I'm gay, and I don't pay taxes' (theoretical example) and like, you could just as well have put 'ace' or 'aro' in there!!!!!! But nobody ever things to do that with us :( as always my plan is to make really cool things but only for ace and aro so we can get to be the ones with things for once hahaha but unfortunately I do not know how to make cool things. Anyway the whole idea here is to write things that make people on reddit go 'uhh, why did you feel the need to mention that you don't date, here...?'

And to cap this off I guess I should affirm that yeah, the self-deprecatory stuff CAN be done well... with a very very VERY precise hand. By which I mean that I was permanently psychologically online-ified by ace discourse and have the sensitivity of an earthquake detector to non-obvious slights against aspecs' importance or worth as human beings. But self-deprecating humour is just kind of our generation's style, so. There's some level of 'yeah I like anime and don't date B)' that is JUST the right balance of 'this is not at all what society says you should be proud of' and 'but fuck it society sucks lmfao I love freaks'.

IN CONCLUSION more aspecs should have my exact same sense of humour but actually good at art. or writing text posts. Or literally anything other than complaining on unpopular tumblrs. no actually we need them too so I can follow you and feel faintly not alone occasionally when our opinions happen to line up. Your honour I rest my case.

[hazelcephalopod]

Listen. So 911. Imma be honest Buddie ship is great, I’m here for it, I think they should do it. In the canon of the show -bonus if the relationship is 99% the same except they kiss now. Do I really believe that has always been the endgame for them? No. Absolutely not -and maybe I’m wrong idk the deep lore I’m just a slightly more than casual viewer whose recently noticed the fandom. That said… to be clear this isn’t me trying to call the show out but just analyze the text in a colloquial way. This is normal mainstream tv and my expectations are real low*.

The show has that old school “look how close these two guys are. Like sooo close. Mm if they were different genders this would 100% be a will they won’t they dynamic” thing, the “this probably started as, a little bit of a joke about how close these two guys -or sometime girls!- are” while being a genuine friendship but there’s a vibe. (Or the oopsie option, also possible here tbh. S/x actors just do a thkng but imho it’s the other creatures responsibility to work with that?) Which, later the show starts to play into that more and more, usually creating a queerbait. Now, to be clear I’m using that descriptively. No judgment here, just that’s what I’m seeing. As I said could be an accident, coulda dig themselves into the old QB hole.

Because. Let’s go over it. You’ve got these two guys, they meet. They click instantly. They become the most important people in each other’s lives. They do all the other things the romantic couples do in the show. Meta the creators clearly know people are shipping them and play into that a bit while backing off by pairing each with random woman. In canon there’s jokes and comments about their really close relationship. One of them adopts the others child basically. Sometimes when one is hurt the other looks like they might weep or cry in agony. Sometimes you swear the looks they give each other have no straight explanation possible. Canonicly they are still just really close bros*. These. Are all hallmarks of a queerbait.

Now, maybe they have shifted to making it end game, at some point, during all this. But tbh, bc of all the history of queerbait in mainstream tv for the past idk, minimum 20-30 years? Really hard to tell the difference. Without some obvious signs it isn’t just queerbait, it’s just looks the same! Until one of them… has… queer experiences, and clearly is like “hmm. Maybe I. Am not straight.” Some obvious “this relationship is indeed being teased. As a real possibility and not just a joke” then I remain skeptical. It’s ok, I’ve been on the great queerbait train many times, and I will take those ships to my -and the characters- grave! But it means I am on the look out for them. *theres several points im going to cover under the cut

Yes this show has. A lesbian couple, maybe a gay side character. And some queer characters on the spin off show, which is run by different people -at least enough it’s different, and now it’s on a different network, also there’s 1 same sex couple last time I checked. Tbh. While there’s some wonderful exceptions. It I commons for a mainstream show like this to have a max of one same sex couple per show. It’s a bad thing, I don’t like it, there should be room one these shows for multiple main queer couples. But it’s pretty standard for 1 max.

Yes men can be friends. Bros. Very close platonic bros. Absolutely.

You know who are also very close friends? Hen and Chim, I’ve never ever thought they were anything but close friends. Or even Athena and Hen -tbf I imagine there’s some shippable stuff there and go for it have fun- they seem really close, but not really like they’re gonna become a couple tbh.

you know who seems way closer than that? Bobby and Athena, or Chim and Maddie, or Hen and Karen, and Buck and Eddie often seem closer than them tbh.

Also. Let’s be honest. I also like QPR Buddie, but this is mainstream TV. I repeat. They can barely have more than one lesbian couple and a gay side character so, I have little faith they are going to grapple with, asexuality or aromanticism and QPR’s, especially with long standing cis so far het man main characters. But maybe I’m wrong and they might go there, and I’d be delightfully surprised. I’ll settle for just make them kiss already plz. (Tbh I admit the vibes of premier of season 7, increase my belief a little.)

I admit. Shippers are gonna ship. People like doing it it’s fun. S/x on almost nothing at all. Here I really do think, there’s some good reasons people are shipping these two characters. People can bring receipts. Anyway. I can only advise, not being an asshole. Either to shippers or shippers, shippers don’t be an asshole.

Personally I just needed to hash all this out. Get ready to be kinda disappointed and know… it’s just how it goes. Idk.

Also. Tbh. If they don’t do some of the “this isn’t a queerbait” signs soon -and this part is a criticism- than they are either ignorant, incompetent, or if not irresponsible, rude. Imho. Or at least like fully… explore that idea of them being in a romantic relationship and then reject it. I won’t like it but I’ll respect it.

[mintacle]

I am so going to regret making this post. But I've been thinking about this for weeks, and if for nothing else but my peace of mind, I have to say this.

Let's talk about fandom. Specifically the batfandom, and very specifically the meta-fandom issue of batcest.

Before you unfollow me I would like to state that nothing of the content on my blog will change. I still personally don't ship batcest and don't post mature stuff. I just want to make a post in defense of neutrality. And I know that at least one of my followers is a victim of incest themselves, if you are reading this, this post is not about you. Your case is inherently different and I really understand and you really don't have to read this. But if you identify as anti-batcest, this is for you. And please read this, seriously please. I am asking you as someone who was in a sect, never take the right from yourself to read opposing views. They will not corrupt you. Have that faith in yourself and trust yourself to read things that oppose your views.

That having been said, let's start. I think there is a troubling trend for people to condemn other fans on the basis of whether they ship members of the batfam together or not. And I don't think it's wrong for people to say that it's weird bc it's incest. You are so allowed to have your own opinion and no one can take that from you. But the issue has become very polarized. I don't see people who casually say that they don't really like batcest. There is this push to filter and cancel everything on this basis alone. And the reason I think this is troubling is because it is opposition without discourse. If you really think that shipping batcest is morally aprehensive, then think about WHY. Really, really think about it. Who is getting hurt here? What problems is this creating? Why do you feel so strongly about this?

I think there is a massive effect of in-grouping causing this extreme opposition. It is hard to remain neutral when you see such a big number of other blogs proudly going on about how wrong shipping batcest is. And this is again coming from someone who was in a sect. That's a bit scary to me. You want to fit in, not be condemned as well, so you add your voice to the mix and say that batcest is horrible, repulsive. And the people who ship it are too.

But the thing you are raging against? This issue? It's not real. And I'm not talking about whether it really is incest or not, again, I don't personally care. I'm talking about how this is such a small problem with absolutely no real life implications. There's a lot of things that are wrong in this world, and I believe you that you have been hurt, but I don't think that this cause you've been fighting is one of those harmful things in the world. I think there is a reason why you are angry, why you are lashing out. I think there's a reason you are looking for someone to take the role of a predator you can attack in big numbers, anonymously, online. But batcest is always tagged, and always a place that intentionally discourages minors from engaging. That's not adult arrogance, that is adults trying to protect you. That is adults making safespaces for themselves. And that's not predatory behaviour.

One thing that I sometimes see within the batcest community which bothers me, is how I get this feeling some people do fetishize gay relationships and can't treat men having close and intimate relationships without it being romantic or sexual. But this is by no means a problem that was created or that is a defining trait of batcest, that's just a general problem of shipping culture. And this is not even something that is overly prevalent in the batcest community. A large number of fandoms are way worse in this regard.

I probably won't be talking about this again and I am worried that I'll lose followers just for this and I'm hoping to be proved wrong about that. If you follow me and feel in any way strongly about this post, please message me privately instead of reblogging to publically drag me. My private chat is open for that and I do genuinely care about all of my followers, feel welcome to message me.

[ayamturd]

bisexual│mcyt hc

warnings: small mentions of hate, fluff

prompt: (requested 1 & 2) “Hello uh I saw one of your posts about the dream smp reacting to you coming out so I was wondering if you haven't already done it can you do dream smp reacting to you coming out as bisexual?” 

“Hello yamturd so I was wondering if maybe you could do tubbo, Tommy and Ranboo reacting to reader coming out as bisexual or lesbian if you haven't already done it :)” 

pairings: irl platonic! dream, ranboo, tommy and tubbo ; c!technoblade

a/n: if i offend or misinterpret anything in this hc, please feel free to message and correct me otherwise. i will always try to correct or delete this post if asked so <33

sending my love to all those who identify as bisexual <33

wc: (1.5k) - m.list

dream - 

considering his prideful personality sometimes, you probably wanted to play with his ego and drop subtle hints

not anything too obvious, but enough to make him kick himself when he realizes

though it was admittedly difficult since he plays into the dnf ship so much that he thinks you’re also joking more than half the time 

imagine you two were in a voice call one evening and randomly discussing the recent fanon and what would be funny to turn into canon (to mess with the fandom)

you’ve been recently shipped with two other content creators, both of opposing female and male gender, separately and together

“Honestly, I wouldn’t mind hitting that.” “Which one?” “Both.”

He’d laugh, but you didn’t.

“Wait, you’re serious? You actually identify as…?” “Bisexual. Yeah, I’m pretty sure anyway.” “Y/n, that’s amazing.”

takes pride in the fact that you trust him, but would feign being upset that you messed with him for as long as you did

be jokingly offended if he found out someone knew before him

“Wait…” “Yes?” “You told Bad??” “Yeah, he was one of the first.” “W— Why??”

It was your turn to laugh while he gawked in disbelief.

“It’s Bad! Of course I told him.” “… Fair enough.”

hate is a given, and he’ll always be there to support and defend you

he’ll always ask your permission before taking any action, however, because he respects you too much and knows you can fight your own battles

dream is someone will show relentless support, whether that be through words or moral support, he’ll always be there for you 

c!technoblade - 

i honestly feel like you never officially came out to techno

as you began to recognize yourself as bisexual, you slowly expressed yourself around him more openly to the point where he unconsciously knew

it’d probably would have hit him in the most random moment after months of assuming he knew

imagine you’re in the midst of battle when techno paused entirely with wide eyes 

“Y/n!” “What!?” “Are you gay??”

you would tease him when discussing your love life in one-sided conversations with him; him basically choosing to ignore you when you talk to him

“Honestly, Techno, how could you not want to hit that?” “Please, just stop.”

(i’ve written this before but will stand by this that) he truly doesn’t care for your sexuality

you’re a friend, someone he trusts and relies on, he doesn’t need to consider who you’re attracted to since he sees you for your skills and friendship

the only, and only time he is mindful of your sexuality depends on others unnecessary comments about it

the smp is a known judgement free land, but there will always be someone with ignorant opinions that he is always quick to shut down (or kill)

nothing much can be said besides the fact that you’ll always be y/n to him: a loyal friend and someone he would fight the world for

ranboo - 

oh sweet ranboo, dear ranboo

considering how openly supportive and kind he naturally is, you didn’t question the idea of telling him

i’d like to imagine that unlike most where you planned or waited to tell, the moment you knew, he would know soon after

imagine you called him before he began his lore stream to hype him up

you both were talking about more mundane things to calm his nerves as people joined when you brought it up

“Oh actually, before you start, I wanted to tell you something.” “Sure, what is it?” “Well, I— I’m Bisexual.” “…You’re tELLING ME THIS WHEN I’M ABOUT TO START MY STREAM??” “Y/n! I’m so happy for you, that’s amazing!”

he’s incredibly patient concerning how you wanted others to know or when you were ready to be completely out

similar to c!techno with the same beliefs you’re still y/n, and nothing has changed besides you coming out as yourself

he’s your go to when days are rough, because he knows how to help you understand you’re still loved as the same y/n and nothing less

“Hey, hey, listen to me. I love you, y/n. We all do, and you’ll never be alone when things get rough, alright?” (love /p)

knows how to silently deal with hate in his chat unless it becomes evident enough to address it (doesn’t want to bring attention to meaningless words until it becomes serious)

ranboo’s your rock and makes show that he’ll never believe anything other than that you deserve love

tommyinnit - 

as someone who took pride in defending the LGBTQ+ community, you had no hesitation when coming out to tommy

if any, your reluctance would come from accepting yourself to the point to be open with other people

it’s not as if he didn’t accept you, he could never imagine doing so in the slightest, but he probably wouldn’t know what to say initially

imagine you both were in the midst of playing bedwars together in a recording for a video

he had been busy gathering emeralds while you remained at the base, and the comforting silence gave you the confidence to blindly address it

“Hey Tommy?” “What, y/n? I’m in the middle of something right now.” “Oh, um, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual.” “…” “…Tommy?” “…” “T— Tommy?”

it’d be dead quiet for a few seconds before you heard the noise of him rustling in realization

“Wait wait wait, you’re serious? You’re bisexual?” “Haha yeah, yeah, I am.” “WHA—!”

he was happy for you, to say the least

tommy loves to joke, and one he loved to make would be your attraction to both genders

you like women? pog!

you like men? a shame, honestly

if you were publicly out, his favorite bit would be to include you in his obnoxious swooning

imagine he was streaming while talking about his love for women

“Boys, honestly, the ladies just can’t resist me.”

The ding of discord notified you entering the call, the sound of your laughter immediately coming through.

“I agree, Tommy, I definitely agree.” “Y/n! You are attracted to women, and I am also attracted to women. You can agree women are amazing, yes?” “I can, Tommy. Women are indeed amazing.” “Good lad!” “Tommy, you do realize I’m not only attracted to w—” “Shush, we don’t speak of that.”

he showed his support by normalizing your sexuality, his acceptance quick and easily integrated into your lives

(this is getting long but—) tommy was well aware he lacked some knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community, but openly voiced his ignorance as a sign of awareness itself

he was always quick to correct either himself or others, he refused to accept slander of any type in his streams

would probably try to keep it light heartedly, but scold nonetheless

tommy was your figurative cheerleader, always there to include and uplift you, whether that be through the smallest gestures or loudest cheers

tubbo - 

poor tubbo

since he wasn’t the most careful with secrets, you probably withheld telling him till you were ready for most to know

this isn’t to deter anything of not trusting him, he’s still supportive and loving tubbo that wouldn’t dare do anything purposeful against you

if anything, you might have forgotten that he didn’t know when you were casually taking about it within a group

imagine you and Ranboo were trying to get him to sleep one early morning but gave up

you started talking about personal stuff and the topic of your love life came up, specifically the attraction to someone of the same gender

“I don’t know, Ranboo, I mean, I think I like them but at the same time I’m not sure.” “That’s fai—” “Wait, y/n. You’re gay??” “Bisexual, actually.” “WaAA—”

his very sleep deprived state was extremely happy and emotional for you

he’s like the little duckling with a knife, like he loves you completely but will try to hurt anyone that offends you

like tommy, he has no personal knowledge when being in the LGBTQ+ community but will solely learn for your sake

whether you’re younger or not, tubbo never fails to remind you that he looks up to you

he gives his all and won’t hesitate to provide in any way he can if needed

“You matter,” he’ll always say, “you’re important and no one else’s opinion matter.”

is proud to be your friend and expresses his platonic love in full, for you’re you and are so brave to be yourself despite all

choosing not to tag my usual taglist just cause its a headcanon with a specific request <33 (huge ty to @basilly​ and @inniterhq​ though for the advice/motivation to finish this)

[grapesodatozier]

so close to the real thing (closer than you think)

rating: explicit

word count: 6.8k

summary: Eddie's been pining over Richie for as long as he can remember. He loves everything about Richie; especially how much Richie loves touching him. It's a little inconvenient, though. Eddie copes with his pent up sexual tension by constantly checking a porn blog he's obsessed with on tumblr. This guy has the same type of body as Richie, he talks like Richie, his name is even Richie! It makes it all too easy for Eddie to pretend it really is Richie while getting himself off to all of the blog's content.

You'll never guess what he finds out when he starts sexting this stranger named Richie from his anonymous porn blog.

tags: friends to lovers, porn with feelings, love confessions, dom/sub dynamics, bi dom top richie, gay sub bottom eddie, the most oblivious pining idiots in the world lol we love them

notes: this is one of my more ridiculous ideas but I had so much fun with it lol. also as a note you probably should not approach people on the internet the way they do in this fic, but they're just v enthusiastic and everything here is v consensual!! still tho definitely don't take this indulgent fic as a guide on how to approach real people online lmao. okay have fun!!

read on ao3 or below!!

notsfw under the cut

Eddie Kaspbrak’s friends were his entire world; time spent with them meant everything to him. But he also really valued his alone time. He’d always been the sort who needed time to just sit on a grassy hill and watch the trains go by, to catch up on comics in his room, to get lost in Netflix shows or even just his thoughts as he moseyed around his apartment—one he live in by himself, for when these moods hit. He needed time to himself to unwind. And sometimes he unwound by scrolling through some porn blogs on tumblr with his hand in his pants.

There was one blog that he was particularly fond of. There were other blogs more catered to his personal interests, namely blogs that didn’t feature women like this one did. But there was a good balance of genders represented, so Eddie figured he could just scroll past those posts. This guy was worth it. His pictures were ridiculously hot, and his dirty talk was even hotter.

Also, his name was Richie. Which Eddie refused to acknowledge as part of the draw.

It was harder to ignore tonight. He’d been out with the losers, and Richie had just been so touchy. And there was something about the way he'd been talking; his voice was lower than normal, slower in a way that made Eddie’s stomach flip. And his touches had lingered, his hand squeezing Eddie’s hip slow, then lazily brushing against his ass as he dropped it. Eddie could hardly take it. He brushed it off as Richie just being tired from work, but god, Eddie wanted it to mean more. The hardest part was hiding how much he wanted Richie to keep doing it.

There were so many things Eddie wanted Richie to do to him. He wanted Richie to touch him harder, to grab him by his hips with both hands. Richie’s hands were so big; Eddie just knew Richie could manhandle him so easily, so roughly. He wanted to know what it would feel like to have Richie’s hands all over him, grabbing at his ass and his thighs, holding his wrists down, making him feel so small. While Eddie would never admit it, huffing at every short joke Richie made, but he loved being shorter than Richie. He loved how safe he felt when Richie held him. And he was dying to know how small he would feel with Richie looming above him, or sitting in Richie’s lap, bouncing on his cock. He wanted to hear Richie talking to him in that low, slow voice, with that condescension Eddie did his best to pretend not to be affected by. He wanted Richie to whisper in his ear and call him all those pretty names he always dropped so casually, all those sweet ones and also ones that were a lot meaner. He wanted Richie to want him.

But it was easier to think about it than to ask for it. He knew Richie had way more experience than him. Well, okay, maybe not way more necessarily, but they were starting their third year of college, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Eddie, on the other hand, hadn’t done anything more than hand stuff with someone else. The guys he’d hooked up with were nice enough, and hot enough, but they just… weren’t Richie.

He supposed this guy on tumblr wasn’t Richie either, but at least he was everything else Eddie wanted. None of his hookups had been so, well, dominant, and that was this guy’s whole thing. He was dominant and a top and into guys that looked like Eddie. He even kind of talked like Richie, and he was apparently pining over his best friend, just like Eddie was. It had him completely smitten. Plus, internet-Richie’s crush had brown eyes like Eddie, and he ran track, just like Eddie did. Internet-Richie had posted once about his dick getting hard watching his friend at his track meet, and Eddie had come so hard that night, his track shorts around his ankles, imagining his Richie thinking those things about him.

Eddie was in bed now, in nothing but his boxers and one of Richie’s old shirts that had been Eddie’s for a while now. Still reeling from the way Richie had been acting that night, he logged into his porn account on his phone and scrolled through his dash for a grand total of thirty seconds before going immediately to internet-Richie’s blog. A thrill went through Eddie’s body when he saw that he had just posted. He’d written, “god my friends gonna fuckn kill me with that ass, i wanna plow him so bad” then reblogged it and added, “reminder that my asks and dms are always open if any pretty needy little subs need help getting off. please come be sluts in my messages.” Eddie’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that there was a picture, too, one of him gripping his hard cock, his boxers pulled down just enough for Eddie to see the dark hair around the base of his cock. Eddie moaned at the sight. His cock was so nice, so long and thick and pink. And fuck, his fingers. They were so long and slim, almost as nice as his-Richie’s.

Eddie scrolled a little farther down, his heart racing. There were a lot of reblogs, but some original posts here and there, things like, “what i wouldn’t do to have a pretty guy drooling all over my cock rn,” and, “in the mood to get someone dick drunk. wanna fuck a someone so hard they forget their own name.” One that made Eddie nearly choke said, “want someone i can pump my come into whenever i want, over and over again. want a sub i can keep full of my come all the fuckn time.” That post had Eddie getting out his lube.

It also had him thinking about internet-Richie’s most recent post, his post about his DMs being open.

Eddie bit his lip and thought about it. He’d sent internet-Richie some asks before from his porn blog (his blog didn’t have his name on it, just the teddy bear emoji, since he privately thought the teddy/Eddie rhyme was fun and clever, and also it was cute), and he’d seemed plenty happy enough to respond then. Still, it felt like a much bigger step to DM him, to talk to him just one on one. But the more he read his posts, the more he thought about his-Richie and how he’d touched Eddie that night, the easier it was to convince himself to shoot his shot with this stranger.

Eddie just messaged him a simple, “hi,” with a heart emoji. It was innocent enough, but his heart was still racing.

Internet-Richie responded a lot faster than Eddie was expecting. Honestly he hadn’t been expecting a response at all. But he said:

hiya cutie (; ive been hoping youd message me

Eddie flushed. He couldn’t help but hear cutie in his-Richie’s voice—especially given how often Richie used the nickname. really? he typed back.

fuck yes, ur cute little messages make me so hard. i can tell ur a pretty little thing just from the way you type

Eddie was blushing deep. Pretty little thing. That was hotter than it should’ve been. He wanted his Richie to talk to him like that, in that deep, sleepy voice.

there’s no way you can tell that from some messages :P, Eddie sent.

His heart stopped at the next messages internet-Richie sent.

oh, u dont think so?

why dont u send me some pics to prove me wrong (;

Oh my god, Eddie thought, his breath coming short. His head swam at the thought of sending this guy nudes, of showing himself off to someone who clearly wanted to see him, who would know how to take care of him and fuck him the way he liked, a guy with his crush’s fucking name and body type and hands. It had Eddie’s cock hard and leaking, and he slowly slid a finger inside of himself.

But just because the thought turned him on didn’t mean he was gonna send this stranger what he wanted so easily, even if he desperately wanted to.

you’d like that, wouldn’t you?

He fingered himself open as he waited for a response, working his way up to two fingers. It was nearly impossible to ignore his cock, but he didn’t want to come before the conversation even had a chance to start.

fuck ya i would, internet-Richie responded. Then, in a second message, whats wrong baby? you shy? ill show u mine ;)

Eddie's breath caught. God, this guy even made stupid shit sound hot, just like Eddie’s Richie. This was unreal.

i’ve seen yours, Eddie pointed out.

ya and you musta liked it if ur messaging me rn

Eddie bit his lip. ...maybe

aw thats cute sweetheart. u know i can see all the needy little tags you add when u reblog my stuff right?

Eddie blushed. He’d kind of always hoped he’d read them, but he never thought he actually did. i didn’t know you read those

oh ya, read them, jerk off to them. bit of a size queen, aren’t you? ;) it’s cute. makes me so fuckn hard when u talk abt how u want me to fill you up

Eddie whimpered out loud, sliding a third finger into himself. Fuck, he wanted that cock inside of him so bad. But right now one of his toys would have to do, once he was stretched out enough. He sped up his fingers, getting impatient. Gathering up all of his horny courage, he sent, show me.

what, no please? only good boys who use their manners get dick pics babydoll

Eddie pouted and whined to himself, making quick work of sliding his hot pink vibrator inside of himself—well, as quickly as he could without hurting himself. He moaned as it filled him up, making pleasure spread deep through his body. Slowly pumping it in and out, he reached for his phone. please, he typed, please let me see? wanna know what to picture while i fuck myself with my vibrator. He even added the wide eyed pouting emoji to really milk the whole begging thing. He knew he’d been playing a little coy, but now with the way internet-Richie was talking to him he was getting desperate.

well fuck baby since ur begging ;)

Eddie held his breath as he waited for the picture, slowly rocking his toy in and out, savoring the feeling. He wished it was Richie doing it, wished it was his cock. The lines between which Richie blurred; he wanted to get fucked by either of them, both of them.

What Eddie received when his phone lit up was not a picture, but a video. It was short, just a few seconds of Richie’s hand dragging wetly, smoothly over his cock, but it had Eddie drooling. The room was dark, so he’d used a flash, and it made the mix of what Eddie assumed was precome and spit glisten as the swollen head of Richie’s cock disappeared and reappeared from behind his fingers. Eddie must’ve played it at least five times, fucking himself a little faster, before remembering to say something back. And to take a video of his own. fuck, I want you so bad, want you to fucking ruin me, he wrote back. A part of him couldn’t believe how openly desperate he was being, but he found that he liked it; he liked the way it made him blush, he liked the way it felt to beg, to ask for what he wanted.

Richie’s response came fast: show me kitten. show me how you want me to fuck your pretty little ass.

Eddie moaned at the pet name; casual little nicknames were such a weakness for him. He was already so far gone, just picturing Richie’s cock inside of him, picturing him stroking his cock to thoughts of Eddie. The attention had his cock hard and leaking as he thrust his vibrator even deeper inside of himself, pumping it in and out a few more times before rolling over and getting on his hands and knees. It was hard to take a video from this angle, but he wanted to show off his ass and hide his face. Plus, there was something so hot about having his ass in the air and his face shoved in his pillow, looking like the perfect image of someone desperate to be fucked. He loved the way it made him feel, loved the thought of being so open for someone. For Richie.

He ended up shooting a short video as well, about ten seconds of him sliding his vibrator slowly in and out of himself, letting out soft little moans. He was pretty pleased with the way it turned out, his hole pink and smooth and wet as it stretched around his toy. The angle was a little weird, showing a lot of his room once or twice when his hand slipped a little, but overall he thought his ass looked amazing, if he did say so himself. He sent it and said, feels so good. do you want me to go faster?

As he sent it, he got settled on his back, forcing himself to go slow as he fucked himself while he waited for internet-Richie’s response. It was taking longer than before, and Eddie was getting antsy; it was so hard to drag it out, to not get ahead of himself. But whatever Richie was doing, Eddie knew it would be worth the wait. Still, he pouted as his cock ached, begging for attention.

He almost jumped out of his skin when he heard a knock at the door.

He groaned to himself and stayed put, fucking himself even slower as he waited for whoever it was to leave. But then the knocking continued, loud and incessant and obnoxious, and Eddie knew exactly who it was. He also knew he wasn’t going to go away any time soon, which honestly made him smile and blush. Richie had terrible timing, but Eddie would never be upset to see him.

Reluctantly, he slowly slid the toy out and pulled on his shorts, leaving his shirt off. He still had a pretty obvious boner, but his horny brain did not mind the idea of Richie seeing it. So he strode lazily down the hall, shouting a performatively annoyed, “I’m coming!” Finally, he opened the door, cocking his hip to the side and giving Richie an expectant look. “Can I help you?” he asked, a small smile dancing around the corner of his lips. He had to fight off a smirk at the wide eyed look Richie gave him as he ran his eyes over Eddie’s body.

“Fuck,” he muttered lowly, his eyes trained on Eddie’s cock, which was getting even harder the more Richie stared. Eddie bit his lip and grinned a little, making doe eyes at Richie. But Richie didn’t meet his gaze—instead he brushed past Eddie, his mouth still hanging open as he made his way urgently toward Eddie’s bedroom.

“Richie?” Eddie asked, a little let down that Richie’s hands weren’t all over him right now. But hey, if he was heading to Eddie’s bedroom he figured that was at least the right direction. He closed his front door and followed Richie into his room, where he found him staring at the bright pink vibrator on the bed. As confident and horny as Eddie was feeling, that still made him blush. He was only human. Crossing his arms, he said, bashful now, “I was kind of in the middle of something.”

Richie looked over at him, his cheeks bright red under his freckles. Then he got a glimmer of that trademark shit-eating grin on his face. “Eds, you fucking slut,” he said, sounding both delighted and breathless. “You are so fucking hot.”

Eddie flushed and tried not to squirm, but he couldn’t help but press his legs together, his eyes brightening. Fuck, was this actually happening? Shit, he needed to think of something witty to say. “You gonna do anything about it?” Okay, that kinda sounded like a corny porn, but he had to give himself credit for even being able to form words just after his lifelong crush and personal wet dream had just admitted his attraction to him.

“I think I already have been,” Richie said, still grinning.

Eddie cocked an eyebrow at him. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh yeah? How do you figure that?”

Eddie was expecting a confession. He was expecting something along the lines of you think I don’t notice how you look at me? or did you really think those were casual touches earlier? What he was not expecting was for Richie to unlock his phone and hold it up, showing Eddie the video he had just taken, the video he’d sent to internet-Richie.

Oh. Oh. Oh fuck.

“Oh my god, that’s you?” Eddie cried in disbelief.

“You’re telling me you didn’t recognize this dick?” Richie asked, swaggering over to Eddie, clearly enjoying himself.

“How did you recognize it was me?”

Richie nodded toward the Thundercats poster on Eddie’s wall, then to the model train that sat on his dresser. “What other guy has decor like that and the ass to match?”

Eddie grinned and shook his head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Well pardon me for not being especially eloquent when I’ve just learned that the guy I’ve been masturbating to since I learned how to and been in love with for even longer has been masturbating to me too.”

Eddie’s eyes went wide, all thoughts of getting fucked leaving for a moment. “You’re in love with me?” he asked, his voice as soft as his smile.

Richie was not a bashful person, but the little laugh he let out just then was close to it. “Have been my whole life, but thanks for finally noticing.”

Eddie shook his head and stepped closer, until he had to crane his head up to meet Richie’s gaze. “I love you too.”

Richie’s eyes widened behind his thick frames. Eddie had only seen that look in Richie’s eyes a few times before, but he never wanted to lose sight of it again. He always wanted Richie to look at him like that. But then Richie was closing his eyes and leaning down. It only took Eddie a second to get with the program, drinking in the moment just a little longer before letting his own eyes fall shut as he pressed his lips against Richie’s.

It started gentle enough, if deep and passionate and intentional. But then Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s bare waist, skin against skin, and Eddie was gasping into Richie’s mouth, his hands coming up and resting against Richie’s chest. He curled his fingers into Richie’s shirt as Richie ran his tongue over Eddie’s lips, just before pulling away. He laughed at Eddie’s indignant little whine.

“Oh, you mean you don’t want me to take off my shirt right now?” he smirked as Eddie tried to pull him closer by the offending fabric. Huffing, Eddie conceded and let go long enough to let Richie pull the shirt off over his head.

“Oh,” he said softly, his voice a little, awed moan as he drank in Richie’s chest. It wasn’t like Richie had never been shirtless in front of Eddie before, but Eddie had never felt like he was allowed to really look at Richie all those times. But now he could; now he could touch. And he did, running his fingers over Richie’s smooth, warm skin, over his acne scars and blackheads and freckles. “Fuck, Richie,” he sighed before pressing his lips to Richie’s collarbones, trailing them all over Richie’s beautiful chest.

Richie gave a breathless, almost shy laugh as he stroked Eddie’s hair. “Damn, Eds, never pegged you as a tits guy.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Eddie giggled, bringing his lips back to Richie’s. They both smiled into it, getting lost for a moment as Richie’s hands slid slowly down Eddie’s sides. His hands lingered on Eddie’s hips for a moment before he slid them further down and grabbed at Eddie’s ass, making him gasp.

“Is that any way to talk to the guy who’s about to rail you ‘til you can’t walk?”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” Eddie asked with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Spank me?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Richie smirked. He gave Eddie’s ass a playful smack, making Eddie gasp again and fall into him, needing more. Richie’s voice was dripping with adoration as he purred, “Little brat,” and pulled Eddie against him, kissing him again. Eddie went with it easily and happily parted his lips to let Richie lick into his mouth. Richie had one hand gripping Eddie’s jaw and the other on his ass, touching him in a way that exuded a command Eddie was desperate to follow. God, Eddie knew Richie had big hands, but they felt huge on him like this. It was dizzyingly hot. And the way Richie’s tongue was teasing his had Eddie’s knees going weak. His dick was throbbing in his shorts, aching to finish what he’d started, what had been interrupted. When he thought about it all—about playing with himself for Richie, about the video Richie had sent him, about all those things Richie had said about filling Eddie up—he felt himself clench down on nothing, desperate to get fucked. Desperate to feel Richie’s cock so deep inside of him.

“Richie,” he whined into the kiss, pulling on Richie’s belt loops, “please.” He pressed himself urgently against Richie and rutted shamelessly against his thigh.

“Fuck, you’re a needy little thing, aren’t you?” His voice was cocky and teasing, but there was an apparent undercurrent of wonder there as well.

Eddie shoved his face into Richie’s neck and whined, grabbing onto Richie’s wrists without even knowing what his goal was. “Richie,” he whimpered, sounding pitiful and ruined already.

“What do you want, baby?” Richie’s voice made it clear that he was enjoying seeing Eddie this wrecked, and that just made Eddie even harder. “Come on, tell me, use your words.”

Eddie squirmed as Richie held him close, but still not touching him in any relieving way. “I need you inside,” Eddie said, his voice high and soft as he squirmed in Richie’s grip. “God, please, Richie, need you to fuck me. Fuck me so hard I can’t even think. Fuck me like I’m your little toy.”

Eddie could hardly believe the words coming out of his mouth, and judging by the gasp he heard Richie let out, he’d caught Richie off guard too. But if the hard bulge in his jeans that brushed up against Eddie was any indication, he was apparently just as turned on as Eddie was. Besides, Eddie knew from his blog that Richie was really into that sort of thing too—and, apparently, really into the idea of doing those things with Eddie. The realization that Richie had been saying all those filthy things about him had him grinding against him with even more fervor, kissing his neck with a heated confidence. Richie moaned, and Eddie could feel the warmth of it spreading through him. “Yeah, sweetheart? You want to feel me inside you? You think you’re ready for me?”

“Yes,” Eddie sighed, looking up at Richie with wide, desperate eyes. He shivered at the new look in Richie’s eyes, the blue nearly entirely eclipsed by how wide his pupils were. He looked hungry for Eddie; Eddie wanted to feel it. “‘M ready, Richie, please, so open for you.” He looked to the toy on his bed pointedly, but Richie only gave a deep laugh.

“Oh honey, that’s cute that you think that little thing is gonna have you ready for my cock.” Eddie’s breath caught; that toy wasn’t small. Before he could gather his scattered brain enough to react, Richie was scooping him up and tossing him on the bed, the toy falling forgotten to the floor. Richie moved Eddie onto his back, and Eddie went happily, pliantly. Richie’s fingers were cool against Eddie’s burning skin as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Eddie’s shorts, slowly dragging them over his hips and down his legs, tossing them to the floor. Eddie’s cock was dripping with precome, his chest flushed a bright red as he squirmed under Richie’s gaze. Eddie been dreaming of Richie manhandling him like this for he didn’t even know how long; he couldn’t help the way he reacted. And he especially couldn’t help the pleased little sound he made when Richie murmured, “God, you’re gorgeous, Eds.” Then Richie was grabbing him by the ankles, gently but firmly spreading Eddie’s legs, and Eddie let out the most pathetic, genuine moan he’d ever heard. “Fuck, baby, you sound pretty. You like when I spread you open?” Richie asked. He was smirking down at Eddie, but Eddie could see how flushed he was, could see the thrilled awe in his dark, hungry eyes as Eddie nodded.

“Richie, please,” Eddie whimpered. “I need you so bad.” He sat up, reaching for Richie’s belt, but Richie easily pressed him back against the mattress with a large hand on the center of his chest. The confidence in Richie’s dominance took Eddie’s breath away, and he stayed right where he was, nice and obedient, as he watched Richie get off the bed and slowly undo his belt, then his button and zipper. He took his time dragging his jeans and boxers off, enough time to let Eddie’s eyes linger on the reveal of the dark hair under Richie’s waistband. Then Richie’s cock was bouncing up against his stomach, hard and flushed and fucking long. Eddie moaned at the sight and fisted the sheets underneath him. He wanted so badly to get his mouth on Richie, to breathe him in and be nice and good for Richie on his knees. But he was also desperate to get fucked; his hole clenched down on nothing at the thought, and then it was all he could think about again. “Richie,” he repeated, whining now as he reached for him. “Stop being such a tease.”

Richie laughed as he moved easily out of Eddie’s grip and climbed on top of him. Eddie gasped softly at the sight of Richie above him, his dark curls surrounding his face, his full, pink lips pulled into the most beautiful smile Eddie had ever seen in his life. He ran his hands over Richie’s chest and sides, marveling at the fact that this was really happening. Then, his eyes flickering down, he tentatively brought his hand to Richie’s cock.

“Oh, fuck,” they said, both at the same time, making them giggle together.

“Fuck, Eds, your pretty little hand looks so cute wrapped around my cock,” Richie teased in a low, rough voice. Eddie shivered; he couldn’t tell if Richie was praising him or degrading him, but either way it made his head fuzzy.

“‘M not that little,” Eddie grumbled out of habit. But he was clearly breathless. He’d never been good at pretending not to like Richie’s compliments, however teasing.

“Aw, but you are, baby,” Richie cooed, nuzzling his nose against Eddie’s and pressing a lingering kiss to his lips. “You’re so cute and tiny for me. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to fit my cock inside you.”

“I can,” Eddie whined, both indignant and impatient. He bucked his hips up, but Richie held him down. He gasped when he felt the warm, soft skin of Richie’s cock press against his stomach. Looking down, he saw that Richie had his cock lying on Eddie’s stomach, showing just how deep he would be once he was inside Eddie.

“You sure about that, babydoll?” While the teasing note was still there, Richie’s voice got noticeably softer as he said, “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Eddie’s chest swelled at that. Cupping Richie’s face in his hands, he insisted, “I can take it.” Then he reached down and took Richie in his hand, glowing with pride when Richie let out a low moan. “Richie, please, I want you so bad.”

“Okay, baby,” Richie agreed, turning his head to kiss Eddie’s palm. “Fuck, I want you, too.” But he stalled. “Have you ever… like, been fucked before?”

Eddie flushed. “Well, not by someone else, but I have some toys. I’m not gonna break, Richie.” He huffed, but the way Richie was looking at him soothed any ruffled feathers.

“I’m your first?” His smile was soft, and while his eyes glittered, there was nothing teasing about his tone.

“I didn’t wanna do it with anyone else,” Eddie mumbled. He tried to look away, but Richie pulled him into a kiss.

“Fuck, I never thought you’d want me,” he chuckled. “Sorry, that was depressing, I just mean I can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, you know?”

Eddie beamed, a small, giddy giggle dancing on his lips. “Well it’ll happen sooner if you stop talking so much.” But his smile, and all of the little kisses he planted on Richie’s freckled shoulders told Richie that Eddie never wanted him to stop talking.

“Alright, alright, sheesh, I know I’m hot but you don’t gotta rush me.” Eddie was still giggling when Richie kissed him, and he could feel that Richie was smiling too. “Where’s your lube?”

Eddie stretched his hand out and patted the bed for a moment, searching. After what was probably only four seconds but felt like an eternity, he finally found the bottle and handed it eagerly to Richie. “Oh, right,” Richie smirked, “you’re already wet for me, aren’t you?” Eddie moaned as Richie swiped his fingers over Eddie’s slick hole, pressing in just a bit. His fingers went in easily, and he pumped them slowly, drawing little, breathy moans out of Eddie. Richie’s fingers were a lot longer and thicker than his own, and they felt amazing, but they weren’t what he wanted in that moment.

“Richie, fuck me,” he whined.

“Aw, no please? Again?” Richie tsked and shook his head, curling his fingers against Eddie’s prostate, making him cry out. “I told you, sweetheart, only good boys who use their manners get fucked.”

“Please,” Eddie cried. He rocked his hips and grabbed at Richie’s shoulders, at his arms, not even sure what his goal was there other than to get Richie closer, to get his attention, to show him how desperate he was. “Please fuck me, please.” He sounded pathetic begging like this, but that just made him harder. And it made Richie’s pupils even wider as he slid his fingers out of Eddie and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Good boy,” he purred. Eddie moaned and arched into Richie’s touch, but he only gave Eddie one more kiss on his cheek before pulling back and covering his cock in lube. Eddie watched, entranced, as Richie’s hand moved smoothly over his cock, glistening and slick. Then Richie was gently spreading Eddie’s legs even further and pressing the head of his cock against Eddie’s hole.

“Yes,” Eddie whimpered brokenly, grasping at the sheets beneath him. “Richie, please.” Meeting his gaze, he said softly, “I need you.”

“I’ve got you,” Richie assured him in a voice that made Eddie feel like he was glowing. Richie took Eddie’s hand in his and entwined their fingers, using his other hand to guide his cock inside of Eddie, who gasped at the feeling. God, he couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe his first time was going to be with his favorite person. He couldn’t believe he was finally getting exactly what he wanted. Love flooded through him, warm and perfect, somehow both soothing and electrifying as he watched Richie’s face. Eddie’s mouth dropped as Richie pressed into him, deeper and deeper and still fucking deeper, until finally Richie let out a low moan and Eddie felt absolutely breathless. The stretch was intense, and he held onto Richie tightly as he caught his breath. “Are you alright?” Richie asked. His voice was strained, but the care and concern in it was clear. “You don’t have to take all of it if it’s too much.”

Eddie wanted to laugh at the remark or roll his eyes, but with how breathless and dizzied by pleasure he already was, he had to admit Richie had a point. “Just need a minute,” he gasped. Richie ran a soothing hand over Eddie’s skin, helping him even out his breathing and relax. The feeling of Richie’s cock twitching in anticipation inside of him had him letting out little moans as he adjusted, getting more and more used to the feeling until he felt comfortable enough to tell Richie he could move. Richie kissed him before he did, his lips soft against Eddie’s, a reassuring weight. Eddie breathed in sharply as Richie pulled back, grabbing at Richie’s shoulders.

Richie immediately stopped. “You okay, baby?” he asked, caressing Eddie’s face.

Eddie wanted to melt. Richie was always touching him, always jokingly flirting with him, but this unabashed concern and, well, love had previously been reserved for dire situations, like panic attacks or injuries. Eddie couldn’t help the dopey smile that bloomed on his face as he tilted his chin up and kissed Richie. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly. “It’s just a little different from my vibrator.” They both gave a shaky laugh as Richie nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“Better, I hope?” he grinned.

“Can’t tell yet,” Eddie retorted. Another snarky comment was on the tip of his tongue when Richie pulled his hips further back, effectively sucking all the air—and attitude—from Eddie’s chest. And then Richie was pushing back in, and Eddie let out a moan he couldn’t have faked if he tried, relaxing back into the mattress as his eyes fell shut. It was the best thing he’d ever felt, pleasure and relief flooding through his body. They’d been building up this tension for years; Eddie had figured it would feel good to break it, but it really felt magical, like something had just clicked into place. Feeling Richie inside of him, rocking his hips carefully, feeling Richie twitch as he tried not to lose control had Eddie’s head reeling. Eddie’s eyes fluttered open, focusing on Richie above him, on how flushed his face was. When Richie met his eye, pressing in deep, Eddie let out a small, “Fuck.”

“Yeah? Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

Richie was smirking as he said it, but there was something else sparkling in his eyes. Something giddy and awed. Something that made Eddie sigh dreamily, “I love you.”

Richie’s eyes widened for a moment before he pressed his lips firmly against Eddie’s, his hands roaming over Eddie’s body like he couldn’t choose where to put them, where to touch him. “I love you so much,” he beamed, pressing a few more kisses to Eddie’s cheeks. Eddie giggled at the feeling, but then Richie’s hips moved just a little faster, pressing him in just a little deeper, and he was back to melting under Richie’s touch, clinging to him as he rocked his hips with Richie’s. “Fuck, you’re so amazing, baby, so fucking beautiful. You look so good like this, holy shit.”

Eddie smiled almost drunkenly at Richie’s ability to ramble even when blowing Eddie’s mind. “Feels so good,” he moaned, his voice breathy and just a little bit higher than normal. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist. “Please, Richie, please.”

“Fuck, baby, wanna make you feel like this all the fucking time,” Richie groaned as he picked up the pace. Eddie whined in pleasure at the change, and that just spurred Richie to go faster, harder, until he was well and truly fucking Eddie, both of them moaning with every thrust.

“Oh my god,” Eddie cried, “ohmygodohmygodhmygod, oh fuck, Richie, please.” It felt so amazing, Richie fucking into him like this, but he needed that little bit more. His cock was throbbing desperately, achingly hard; he needed to feel Richie’s hand on him. “Richie, please,” he whimpered, “please, please touch me. I need you, I need you so bad, please, Richie.” Eddie was pouting now, grabbing aimlessly at Richie, his legs still wrapped tight around him.

“Fuck, you’re so hard for me,” Richie marveled, his voice sweet and condescending as he wrapped his hand around Eddie’s cock. Eddie nearly screamed at the contact, his back arching off the bed. Richie laughed a little, which just made Eddie even harder. The way Richie spread his precome over his cock, twisting his wrist just so as he stroked him had that familiar tension coiling in his lower stomach. “Aw, does that feel good? You gonna come on my cock, kitten?”

“Fuck, yes!” Eddie screamed. He gripped at the sheets as Richie stroked him, his voice washing over Eddie, mixing with the pleasure of Richie’s touch, of his thrusts. “Yes, yes, yes, please let me come, please, please, please.”

“That’s a good boy,” Richie purred, and Eddie could feel himself tipping over the edge at the words, at how low and affected Richie’s voice was. He groaned out, “Come on my cock like a good boy, princess,” and pure pleasure crashed over Eddie like a wave. He arched his back and cried out as he came, his moans filling the room as he squirmed under Richie, grabbed at him, at the sheets. It was fucking ethereal. He felt somehow so in tune with his body and yet so detached, like he was floating. He was barely cognizant of what Richie was saying, but when he put the sounds together and realized Richie had just said, panting, “Fuck, baby, gonna come,” Eddie felt like a live wire again.

“In me,” he said urgently. His mind was still a little too scattered for full sentences, but he knew what he wanted. God, he felt like he needed it. Like he needed to feel that connected to Richie. “Richie, come inside me, please.”

Richie apparently didn’t need to be told twice; he let out a moaned, “Oh, fuck,” before burying his face in Eddie’s neck, his breathy moans like music in Eddie’s ear. And then, as Eddie was coming down from his own high, he felt the holiest thing in the world: Richie’s cock, twitching inside of him, then his warm come filling Eddie up. It was unreal, being this close to him. Richie clutching at him as he came. It was even better than the little fantasies Eddie occasionally allowed himself. Richie was here, in his arms, pressing kisses to his neck as he caught his breath. Eddie was stroking his hair and rubbing his back as Richie nuzzled into him. Richie’s skin pressed against his skin, his legs wrapped around Richie’s waist, then falling to his sides, but still pressed to him. Still keeping him close. There wasn’t a single thought in his head that wasn’t about Richie.

Richie pulled him from his dreamy haze with light kisses pressed up his jaw, then over his cheeks. Eddie giggled at the onslaught of affection, still reeling from how fucking hot and euphoric what they had just done together had been. But he happily accepted Richie’s kisses, his heart bursting, then racing as Richie pulled back to look in his eyes. “Holy, fuck,” Richie beamed, his face flushed and blue eyes hooded from the weight of his orgasm, even as they sparkled.

“I know,” Eddie said, returning Richie’s grin as he basked in the surreality of having Richie on top of him, his dorky yet charming smile framed by lips that were red and swollen because of Eddie. His glasses were knocked askew, and Eddie instinctively reached up to fix them. With a sense of wonder, he realized that his touch was allowed to linger this time. He ran his fingers down Richie’s cheekbones, over his jaw, cupped his cheeks. “I love you,” he said. The words spilled out over his lips like he couldn’t stand not to say them. And while it made his heart race a little to say it out loud now that the adrenaline and tension was all worked through, it felt even better this time when Richie’s face softened and he nuzzled his nose against Eddie’s.

“I love you so fucking much.” Richie’s voice rarely got that soft, that sincere; it felt like a blanket wrapping around Eddie. It felt safe, secure. It felt like a promise. And if there was anyone in the world Eddie knew he could trust, it was Richie. That feeling of everything coming together came back to Eddie as he lay there under Richie, their lips moving together, feeling light as a feather now that everything was finally out in the open.

[frostbite-the-bat]

* Welcome to my blog! I'm Guzma!

* Please take your time to read this! It's not much, mostly links to my other stuff! This is occasionally updated. Despite my typically wacky personality, I can be very shy if approached by a complete stranger if not speaking casually because I'm an anxious wreck, so be aware of that. (But I tend to be very friendly with people I know of, even if we aren't friends! I see you folks, always in my notes!)

* I HAVE AN ART BLOG NOW!!! @cyberscratch

* (I WILL STILL POST MY ART HERE, MOST NOTABLY DOODLES AND STUFF I JUST DON'T WANT ON THE ART ACC!!! SO THE TAG "#GUZ ART" IS STILL USED!)

* ALSO CHECK OUT MY TOONTOWN BLOG @cathalbravecog

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* My other tags: "#[answered] " for asks, "video_guz.mp4" for videos and "#guzma plays (game name)" for posts and screenshots of certain games!

* My wonderful High Roller-posting tag: #[HR TAG] 💙

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💙 MY (PUBLIC) SIDE-BLOGS!! Colored names mean they're mostly inactive or I post there rarely.

♠️ Art blog: @cyberscratch

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CURRENT MAIN HYPERFIXATION(S)/SPECIAL INTEREST: Toontown Corporate Clash!!

My non media related special interest would be art/character design :3

High Roller obsession and selfship fixation r both very strong atm and I keep that from my Toontown blog so it goes here 🩵💙💚❤️ we gay

(Please DNI if you're also a HR selfshipper!! I don't share sorry. Same goes if you ship HR with anyone else in canon </3)

(NOTE: Deltarune is a long-term interest for me, even if my fixation status on it and DPAU fluctuates often. I always consider it my secondary fixation / special interest no matter my current focus on it.)

ACTUAL CURRENT SIDE-FIXATIONS: ??Webfishing? Yea . steven universe weakened up a bit sadly....

My actual DNI has been removed, as I feel it's for the best. Yes, there are people I would rather not have interacting with me - but I cannot stop them, and nobody reads DNI's before they just like a random post, anyway. I can always just ignore or block those people, anyway. I'll just say that, if you're a terf, a proshipper, queerphobic, racist, anti alterhuman, anti-"weird" gender labels... GET OUT!! Ableism don't fly either!! And others like that, I'm not gonna make a full list here!!! I'm not here to talk about these topics. These people are not welcome here. This is not a safe space for you. Cannot stop the interaction though, so I will NOT call this a DNI. More so a 'yeah I don't support this' so don't ask me about it. Though, if you believe I have made a mistake or reblogged something I didn't realize was bad, I encourage you to reach out and educate me.

Also, I sometimes take breaks from Tumblr but I may appear during those times to vent. I may not be the most stable always. I am not a mentally well person and I have my days. I understand any concerns and I want to thank everyone for their patience with me!! And apologies if I act a little silly during those times.

With that outta the way... STAY SWAGFUL!!! I'M A LITTLE FREAK CREATURE!! IF Y'ALL DON'T LIKE... YOUR LOSS!!!

♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️ 💙 ♠️

[docholligay]

Tracer/Emily “on a scar”

Talk about stuff I've meant to write for ages, this moment is finally out in the world. ANYWAY THANK YOU 1600ish words, all of my OW universe is here.

Tracer kissed her shoulder.

It should have felt good. She wanted it to feel good. She was incredibly attracted to Tracer, who had been a perfect lady over the past few weeks. Tracer, who was handsome and charming and gallant, who had treated her to dinner and walks in the park and made her laugh with all her stories, brought her flowers and told her she looked wonderful in purple, who had never invited herself up even though her eyes clearly wanted to be invited up.

But instead, there was a sort of deep grim that lapped at the corner of her mind. Emily was not good with women. She wasn’t good with anyone really, over the age of six, she thought, quiet and shy and awkward, the way she’s been all of her life. She wanted this, and she was afraid of it. She was not a casual person. Sometimes she wished she were.

The hard part, for Emily, was knowing when to tell someone. When she had been younger, it had been easy to blame her being trans for every ounce of hesitation she felt in a public setting, for every stumble through a conversation, and every bad date where her calls were never returned. It some ways, it had made things easier, to know that there was an immutable reason for such things, but life is rarely so kind, and she had met so many other women like her who glittered and had full dance cards, who lived life loudly.

So her own hated timidness had to, at least in some capacity, be an organic consequence of being Emily McNair, rather than anything else. It was disappointing.

But because she was Emily McNair, and because she had no idea of what it meant to be casual, and because she, like the silly fool that she was, was dangerously close to being truly in love with Tracer, she had to tell her. She wanted to tell her. Because if she was going to love Tracer, she had to know that Tracer could love all of her, even her history.

She tried not to expect too much of people in that vein.

“Em?” Tracer pulled away from her, ‘Can’t ‘elp but notice you don’t seem particularly engaged. You,” she seemed disappointed, “you not want to?”

“Oh, Lena, I do, but it’s only..” She tucked her hair behind her ear, “I have to speak to you, first.”

Her eyes darted around the room. “What ‘ave I done? Or not done?”

“No, no, of course no. It’s only me.”

“Alright. All ears.”

Emily was sure there had to be a perfect way of doing this, but over the twenty odd years of her life, she had never quite found it. Words were, most people would agree, not Emily’s strong suit, and generally she was as content to listen to others talk as they were. The handful of times she had gotten far enough to want to tell someone, it had never come out the way she’d imagined, and as Tracer looked at her, she realized that new and better speech she kept planning wasn’t going to reveal itself this time either.

“I’m trans. I just--thought you should know, before.” She swallowed and looked off to the side, waiting.

Tracer rocked back on her heels and looked at Emily.

“Is that all? Doesn’t matter, I don’t care about that,” she stopped for a moment, “Sorry. You know,” she tilted her head quickly and leaned forward, trying to put herself back into Emily’s gaze, “it’s just now occurred to me why me Dad put it that way when I told ‘im I was gay, can’t really think of a better way to say it--suppose it didn’t urt that ‘e wasn’t the slightest bit surprised by the news--but wasn’t helpful to me then either.” She took Emily’s hand. “Thank you for telling me. I feel all the same about you as I did. I think you are absolutely beautiful, and I cannot believe me luck, sitting on the sofa with you. You ‘ave no reason to be shy with me. Still buzzing about being invited up, love.”

Emily let her shoulders relax a little. “I’m shy with everyone.”

“I ‘ope sincerely that it’s not that people ‘ave been cruel to you.”

“Not, I think I’m just a bit awkward, I mean,” Emily shook her head. “Most people haven’t known since I left school. But I don’t much,” she fiddled with the strap of her dress, “you know, see women.”

Tracer smiled. “Right. Let me show you something.”

She slipped her shirt off under her CA with a speed and grace Emily would not have guessed was possible, leaving only her CA and a sports bra. The first thing she noticed were the bright toucans on Tracer’s bra. The second thing she noticed was that Tracer was as spectacularly toned as she might have guessed given her quick strength, and she blushed.

The third thing she noticed were two deep and heavily puckered scars, right at the edge of her rib cage. Her eyes widened and she brought a hand to her mouth, without thinking, and then immediately realized Tracer must be seeing her, after being so kind to Emily, showing shock, and she might think it was disgust--

But Tracer gave that loud peal of a laugh that Emily loved so much. “I know! Terrible, innit? Man shot me.” She scowled a moment. “Thought ‘e was me friend, once upon a time, but ‘e did disabuse me of that notion, as Fareeha put it, you know, love, for all the times she pretends she doesn’t understand a bloody thing I’m saying she manages to put up quite the English vocabulary when it suits her, right? Right, absolute tosh--listen to me waffling on, me Dad always said I could talk for England--what I mean is, love, you ain’t the only one with a thing or two unusual. Say nothing about the machinery. I’m loads of things to get used to, right? So you and I are of a kind. Me more than you, even, ‘ave no doubt you look better with your clothes off than me, if you don’t mind me saying so, right? So you never need be shy with me, for I’ll always do me best. I ‘ave no doubt that I will say or do something unbelievably bloody stupid, and when that happens, I want you to say, ‘Lena, you bloody stupid cunt,” Emily laughed and shook her head, “--No love, I’m being very serious just now--Lena, don’t do that” and then I won’t.”

Emily looked at her. Tracer’s eyes were bright and sparkling, but full of sincerity. Even now, she had that little resting smile on her face that Emily had come to realize just sat there, as unhappiness did on others. There was something about Tracer that drew Emily in, that made her feel safe, and suddenly it felt true, that someone like Tracer could not mind. Suddenly it seemed silly to Emily that anyone had ever minded at all. She had so many explanations planned out, ways to make it okay for Tracer and assure her that there wasn’t much different about Emily, but it all seemed completely unnecessary in the moment.

She had been honest, when she said she didn’t care.

Emily reached her hand out and brushed her fingertips against the deep crater on Tracer’s stomach, and Tracer did not flinch away from her touch, even for a moment.

“It must have hurt terribly.”

Tracer shook her head. “You know, actually, I lost a great deal of blood very quickly, which doesn’t necessarily recommend itself but I will say made the pain a bit of a non-issue.” She laughed again. “Honestly, Winston’s more traumatized by it than I am, I only remember little bits of the thing. Lost some of me liver though, and I am sore about that, as I make quite a bit of use of it,” she looked down, “ as you can see by the fact that I lack a bit in the definition department.”

“You’re very handsome, Lena.” Emily said, still looking at the scar, unable to look Tracer in the eye when she said it.

“Well, you’re kind to say so.” Tracer put her hand on top of Emily’s. “I still am keen to root about the cabbages, so to speak, and I want you to know I won’t be put off so easily in future,” she grinned, “but if you’d rather not tonight, I understand that, as well.”

“Oh, but I don’t want you to go!”

Tracer took Emily by the shoulders. “I can stay then, love. ‘Appy to ‘ear it. Can stay all night, if you like. But we don’t ‘ave to do nothing.”

Emily leaned forward and put her head on Tracer’s shoulder, letting herself fall into her embrace. Tracer kissed her forehead.

“We can stay just like this, love.”

I love you, she wanted to say, I love you, and I feel excited and happy and utterly terrified at the fact. But, she reasoned, she had tripped over her own tongue enough for one evening, and in this moment, she thought she would have plenty of other chances. Tracer would stay. She kissed Tracer’s cheek and settled into her arms as Tracer laid back against the couch.

“You know, the scars aren’t even the worst of it, with me. ‘Ardware neither.”

“Oh?”

“Right, there’s the entirety of me personality to deal with, as well. Messy. Can’t pay attention to save me own life, sometimes quite literally, depending on who you ask. Touch of P--well, honestly, just ask Fareeha, when you meet her, she’s got a list of me negative qualities, I think. Probably alphabetized. Maybe categorical.”

Emily felt herself melt into Tracer and allowed herself the joy of a laugh.

The cool wind of October shook the trees outside, and litter blew along the street next to her shabby little London flat, and Emily had never been happier.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 1 “FartsApp” [Episode List] Since he’s a gassy nerd, Dave teases his friend Tim via WhatsApp by sending him a series of short videos of him farting.

FartsApp

Being gay with a fart fetish is really hard sometimes.

For me at least.

While the world is definitely getting more open-minded about homosexuality, I can’t really force it to accept this weird fetish (to be honest, all fetishes are kinda treated like taboos, regardless of the sexuality involved). I had to settle for YouTube videos or websites devoted to this whole fart-sniffing thing; not that I’m complaining: it was good to discover that so many people actually had this fetish.

Cue Dave. Well, sort of, actually. He doesn’t have a fart fetish and he’s not even gay. Dave has been my best friend since forever. Unlike me, however, he’s straight and is currently dating some (lucky) girl.

Around my age, he’s like a brother to me, and we’re actually well-known because of how much time we always spend with each other.

Dave is a great guy, a great friend, very open-minded and, dare to say it, actually quite hot.

Not surprisingly, being the brother I never had, he’s the first friend I came out to, the only one who knows about my homosexuality. Actually, it’s not like I told him… he found out on his own, in the worst possible way (for me).

During one of our nerdy game-nights, being “that one gassy friend”, Dave started to rip -as usual- tons of farts, fueled by some junk food, until he ripped one directly in my face (and boy it was amazing…). Everything went downhill from there… kinda. For some reason or another… he just accepted all at once not only my homosexuality, but also the fact that I found face-farting… hot. He just laughed about it and honestly gave me some encouraging words about my peculiar situation, proving that he’s indeed the best friend ever. Oh… and he also literally farted for me after that, in my face, letting me sniff and enjoy his amazing rips; he can also fart on command apparently: got a taste of his talent that same night.

That one, surreal night.

I still can’t believe it happened.

Felt like a confused dream. Like one of those nights where you drink too much so you don’t clearly remember what happened. But it was all true.

Dave, my best friend, was perfectly fine with me, my fetish, and all this weird stuff.

Yes: I know how lucky I am.

It’s been 4 months since he found out.

And, believe it or not, I’m getting face-farted so often that I’m almost forgetting how beautiful it feels.

Seriously: Dave simply accepted it like I’m living in someone’s crazy fetish dream and, when we’re alone, he just casually farts in my face (without me asking for it). Not always, but very often.

Surprisingly enough, despite the fact that my nose spends a lot of time brushing against his denim-covered butt, our friendship didn’t change at all though: we still hang out with the rest of our friends and generally spend a lot of time together.

Sometimes I’m so in disbelief about how easy-going he’s been with me, that I randomly ask him “You sure you’re OK with… this?” (I say, gesturing all of me), but he just smiles or rolls his eyes annoyed, tired of hearing the same question over and over again. What can I say? He’s perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality I guess, so he doesn’t have any problem with my fetish.

Sometimes though -sorry I say this- I kinda wish he did…

No, I’m definitely not complaining. That’s the best possible scenario for me, but sometimes he can get a bit too… inopportune. Dave is not really a prankster, but he loves teasing his friends, just for fun, including me.

I was in the middle of an important exam once, one of these pop-quiz thingies that make zero sense, and I felt my phone vibrate. I checked my FB private messages and all I saw was this YouTube link sent by Dave. Since I’m a fool apparently, I clicked on it, and one of those popular YouTube fart videos popped up and played, one with really loud farts. The first fart actually echoed in the room and other students glared at me: never felt so embarrassed (not including the night Dave found out about my fetish).

“Dude! Stop sending me this stuff!” I texted him. “I’m in the middle of an exam here!”

I scolded him for this, but the truth is that I couldn’t ask for a friend more open-minded than him.

The fact that he teases him with fart videos like he teases our heterosexual friends with those “shock” porn pics made me feel more… accepted.

But still… I was in the middle of an important exam so he had to stop.

And he obviously didn’t.

He sent me like 10 other links, just to annoy the sh%t out of me.

I mocked him by texting something like “Those videos are quite hard to find. Guess you’re gay too then!” but he would reply with “I had a great teacher!” and send me one of my awkward photos from Facebook.

Other times, since our friendship didn’t change a bit, he even made random references to my homosexuality or even my fart fetish when messaging me to make plans for the night (especially during the weekend). This mostly happens on WhatsApp:

Dave: “Dude, you have to come with us. Stop being a whiny little bi*ch and get up from that couch!”

Tim: “Sorry, man. I don’t think I’ll be joining you tonight…”

Dave: “You know what? If you don’t come with us… you’re gay!”

Dave: “Sorry, I mean… if you don’t come with us, you’re a fuc*ing heterosexual!

Dave: "U ride pussy, don’t you? Fuc*ing straight people!”

He was obviously being sarcastic, but I just loved how he adapted his… uhm… “humor” to my situation.

One time, however, things got a bit… hotter for me…

Dave: “Dude, come over. We have a lot to study…”

Tim: “Sorry, really can’t today. Aren’t you with Dana right now anyway?”

Dave: “I need somebody to focus with, not focus on. You know me and Dana always end up in bed after like 20 minutes.”

Dave: “It’s awesome but this stuff ain’t gonna study itself…”

Yep. Dave and his girlfriend Dana apparently had a very active sex life.

Glad he was getting laid. And Dana was pretty cool to be honest.

Tim: “Dave, sorry. Maybe tomorrow, k?”

Dave: “Dude! Come on! I’m farting like crazy today!”

Did… did he just try to “bribe” me using his farting abilities?

Dave: “Seriously. I just ripped one that was like 10 seconds long. What a waste of farts!”

Tim: “Dave… are you crazy?”

Took a couple of minutes to reply to that one, and then I got two messages at once.

Dave: “Oh yessss, Tim, crazy for youuuuuu!” he wrote, with a heart emoticon at the end (again, he’s a sassy bi*ch as usual).

I then saw that WhatsApp was loading a video sent by him, an actual video, not a link.

It was Dave, a smirk drawn on his face while staring at the camera. He was wearing a simple black shirt. The view soon moved and I saw his slightly sagging-butt in jeans sitting on a wooden chair, and then heard this big fart echoing in his living room (he was alone), rumbling loudly and hard on the wooden surface. He even turned the camera to his face while he was forcing the “classic”-sounding fart out, making funny facial expressions; indeed, the fart lasted almost 10 seconds, and I obviously loved that: biggest farts I’ve ever heard from him in awhile! It was like watching those funny fartvines on… well… Vine, but having my best friend as the funny/hot farter this time.

Dave: “Hope that convinced you…” he then texted.

I was kinda… “offended” by that last message.

I mean, yeah, I seriously wanted to be there, but I always love spending time with Dave, farts or not (that’s why we’ve been friends since… forever).

Tim: “Are you seriously using farts to buy my friendship? It’s not like I don’t want to study with you. I just can’t today!”

Was that too harsh? Should I have added a smiley face at the end?

Only thing I was sure of, is that I never thought that a sentence like that would even make sense someday.

And I was still bewildered by how Dave was so comfortable with the fact that I loved farts.

Tim: “You don’t need farts to convince me, Dave. More like… you’re making me suffer!” I joked, finally breaking the ice myself with a reference to my embarrassing fetish, proving that I indeed wanted to be there with him, enjoying those farts.

Another couple of minutes passed.

Was he making another…?

Dave: “I know you’re suffering, Tim. Don’t worry. That’s why I’m sending you this.”

Oh boy, another video. Should I play it? Was he aware that I was getting a boner from all of this?

I literally pitched a tent in my pants.

There… it’s Dave again, this time sitting on the couch. The video started with his face winking at the camera with a sly smile; the camera then moved between his legs and slowly panned towards his butt in loose jeans (he probably put his legs on the small table in front of his couch, to make his butt more visible). Now I had a rather unique (and hot -for me) view of both his butt (and part of his crotch) in jeans and his face. He grinned wildly and the fart began, ripped right in front of the phone. The sound and the views were perfect; Dave moved the camera towards his butt as the fart kept going strong, sounding like a deep trumpet; I could see the detailed blue fabric of his jeans as the funny sounds continued. What a lucky phone!

It lasted around 8 seconds and it was simply the hotness.

The video ended with Dave laughing at the camera and all went pitch black.

Tim: “You’re insane, Dave!” I joked again, enjoying how crazy he was about this. And for me I guess.

But I had to tell him.

Tim: “Dave, you do know that all of this gave me a… well…”

But as I was halfheartedly writing the second part of the message, Dave wrote more stuff.

Dave: “Then go beat your meat! I can’t do everything for you, Tim.”

Dave: “And please don’t act like this is some kind of big deal…

Dave: "Wow, Tim got a boner! How impressive!”

Dave: “Let’s all bow to Tim, the mighty guy whose penis can turn bigger!”

Dave: “Behold, the Great Tim! The guy who once had a boner and had to tell everyone!”

Further proof that Dave was being the best friend ever.

He was clearly being sarcastic; he was joking. That was his way of telling me “Nah bro, it’s all good”. And I was kinda surprised that he was so… chill about this stuff. I literally had a boner because of him and he just… didn’t care. As I said, he’s very open minded and perfectly comfortable with his own sexuality, so he didn’t have the irrational fear of “turning gay” when doing this stuff with and for me. I also appreciated that he trusted me with those funny, but otherwise embarrassing videos.

After one or two minutes, I’ve received one big audio file and I just knew what I was going to get when I clicked the triangular-shaped button to play them.

I heard Dave singing my name like he was some kind of serial killer trying to find me.

Dave: “Tim… come here…”

I then heard a series of muffled noises, as if the camera was being put under something, and it was clear what: I in fact then heard the loud, audio-glitching sound of one big fart that lasted around four seconds.

Dave: “He’s waiting for you…” he sung again in that creepy tone of voice.

Another fart, just as big as the first one.

He was on fire that day!

Now I was both laughing like an idiot and having the biggest boner.

Tim: “Dude, you’re on fire! But… to be honest, that was kinda gay…” I chuckled.

Dave: “Says the guy who gets a boner when he hears a fart. You fuc*ing hypocrite.”

He then sent yet another audio file, with him singing that meme-song “I’m gay, gay, gay, I love long big c*cks”, but slightly changing the lyrics. He even put a karaoke version of it on his computer while recording the audio file.

Dave: “You are gay, gay gay, you love long big farts. ‘cuz you’re supah-super gay, and you love big…”

Fittingly enough, a huge fart from my best friend took over the last part of the song. Loud as usual, sounding like a deep chainsaw. I could just imagine how beautiful that was. But the best part was probably the fact that he was definitely farting for me. I know, not your usual “hot sexy” scenario… more like a “sweet” one, in a very twisted way of course.

I wasn’t obviously offended by that “gay song”, since I knew that Dave was just being silly as usual and his mocking words were definitely not mean-spirited.

Tim: “Aren’t you supposed to be studying right now?” I asked.

Dave: “I don’t know, aren’t you supposed to be here right now?”

Tim: “Dude, seriously. Thank you! But I’m serious… I really can’t today.”

Dave: “Alright… alright… cya tonight faggot…” he wrote, with a heart-shaped emoticon at the end.

I just rolled my eyes and chuckled a bit, then drove my attention to my own books.

This was going to be a long afternoon. But after only one minute of silence, my phone vibrated wildly: it was Dave and he was calling me. Very unusual in that moment.

“Uhm… Dave? Hello?” I picked up.

I was greeted by a series of “Dude, sorry!” and I was really confused.

“Dave… what?”

It was just Dave being adorkable I guess.

“Dude, sorry about that 'faggot'… that was bit too much, sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Bro, it’s OK. I’m not offended. I know you didn’t want to insult me or anything…”

“No, Tim. That one word is not a joke and I shouldn’t have used it, sorry.”

I was just… wow. Dave went from “dominant friendly farter” to “adorable/awkward confused puppy” in mere seconds. Further proof that I was the luckiest guy alive (fetish or not): Dave cared so much for me that he even apologized for the “f-word”, which admittedly is a very bad word for a guy like me. But this time it was coming from Dave, my best friend, a guy who cares so much about me that he would even “censor” his language just to avoid unfortunate implications.

Ironically enough, the roles were switched, and he was the one saying a rapid-fire series of “sorry!” this time.

“Dave, quit with the apologizing. You’re the best.” I chuckled. “We’re bros, that’s what we do: we insult each other!”

“Alright… you sure? Not going to use that word ever again though.”

“Dave… it’s OK. You’re the best.”

“OK… OK. See you tonight. Take care.”

And he hang up.

He just wanted to make sure that he didn’t accidentally offend me by calling me a “fag”.

I would have been, if it wasn’t coming from Dave.

But then again, he also said that he was going to kick in the face whoever dared to insult me.

And he said that before he found out the truth about me: he’s always been quite protective.

“Oh come on!” I shouted, almost annoyed, merely five minutes later, when I heard the phone vibrate one more time.

It was Dave. Again.

He sent another video.

I tried to scoff at it but I was obviously loving all of this instead.

He was lying on the couch, the camera focusing on his butt in jeans. I could see both his face and butt, at the same time. It was like he filmed the video imagining my POV when he farted in my face, and I absolutely enjoyed that.

“Alright, Tim… Sorry for calling you a faggot.” he spoke in a “comically” serious voice. He truly was “sorry”, but it was clear that he was trying not to laugh. “I’m really, really sorry, believe me.”

Keeping a straight face, he ripped an incredibly loud, deep fart at the camera. He didn’t bat an eye, blink or smile. He eventually lost it towards the end of that 6-seconds long blast. He chuckled a bit and then turned “serious” again.

“That was a sad fart… we’re both sorry.”

He then closed his eyes and made a funny face, signing in relief as he ripped another long fart, the lucky camera slowly panning towards the seams and textures of the blue denim covering his powerful sagging butt. It lasted almost 10 seconds: truly a fart master. And those weren’t even on command!

“Oh my…” I whispered, staring in awe at the amazing video.

“This one was on the house…” he chuckled, right before turning the phone to his butt one last time and ripping a short series of toots, grinning wildly, clearly forcing those smaller farts out just for me. And that was it.

My boner was definitely wet now as bits of that well-known white substance poured from the tip of of my “standing” dick, slightly dampening my boxers and pants. It was like a volcano going to explode. A volcano that, just like me, couldn’t take it anymore. I rushed to the bathroom and furiously beat my meat, almost strangling my rock-hard penis with a firm grip. I didn’t last much: I literally peed sperm, thinking of Dave’s farts. The best part is that I didn’t need to imagine anything: it was all real. I laughed in relief just as I felt my penis deflating like a balloon, after it vomited its white substance. It felt good, not “masturbation good”, like “life is good”. And it was.

My best friend, Dave, was this fantastic guy who, in his own, twisted way, was taking care of me, accepting me, making me comfortable with my fart fetish. A gassy, open-minded, mildly disgusting “bro” who only wanted to preserve our friendship.

And I couldn’t be happier.

End of Episode 1

[baya-ni]

SHADOW’s Queer Coding

I first started exploring this idea of Sk8′s implicit queer rep (as in stuff other than explicit same sex intimacy) in this post.

I know we like to joke that Hiromi is the Token Straight of the protag gang, but I argue that he’s as much an example of queer rep as any of our main characters, albeit in a less conventional and fanservicey way.

So that’s what this post is gonna be, an analysis of Hiromi/SHADOW as a queer figure, how his character fits the Jekyll/Hyde archetype as a metaphor for queerness and The Closet, the similarities between SHADOW as a skatesona and early drag, and how his character represents a larger problem of exclusion within queer fandom spaces.

The 1886 Gothic novella The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson is the origin of the phrase “Jekyll and Hyde”. What I’m calling the Jekyll/Hyde archetype, refers to the same thing; it refers to duality, to a character who is “outwardly good but sometimes shockingly evil” (as described from the novella’s wiki page).

And the Jekyll/Hyde dynamic has also long been associated with Queerness. The antagonism between Jekyll and Hyde as two sides of the same person resonates with many people as similar to the experience being in the closet, and many many scholars have written about this queer reading of Jekyll and Hyde. Do a quick google search if you don’t believe me.

Hiromi experiences his own Jekyll/Hyde duality through his SHADOW persona, which seems to entirely contradict with Hiromi’s day to day personality.

Whilst Hiromi is sweet, romantic, and generally very cutesy, SHADOW is mean-spirited, sadistic, described as “the anti-hero of the S community.”  And though these two personalities seem entirely at odds, SHADOW doesn’t exist in a vacuum, he’s very much a part of Hiromi. In the show, this manifests as SHADOW’s sabotage moves being all flower themed, as Hiromi works in a flower shop, and how he’ll “step out” of character when playing babysitter to the kids.

Below is passage from an essay titled, “The Homoerotic Architectures of Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” which reminds me a lot of Hiromi’s character, such that I think his character arc can be read as an allegory for coming out and self acceptance.

The closet, here, is a space not only for secrecy and repression, but also for becoming; it is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world. The closet is both a space of profound fear and profound courage—of potentiality and actualization. (Prologue)

Unlike the kid/teen characters, the show’s adult characters all lead double lives. When they aren’t skating, they have day jobs. Kaoru is a calligrapher, Kojiro is a restaurant owner, Ainosuke is a politician/businessman (but tbh his job is just being some rich dude), and Hiromi works in a flower shop.

But of the adult protagonists (so not Ainosuke), Hiromi compartmentalizes the most.

Kojiro leaves his face totally exposed such that he can be recognized both on and off the skate scene. Kaoru at least covers his face, but his trademark pink hair and constant use of Carla doesn’t make it very hard to connect the dots between him and CHERRY. He’s also always with Kojiro in the evenings, so if you don’t recognize him as CHERRY when he’s on his own, you certainly will when you see him interacting with Kojiro/JOE.

Next to these two, Hiromi seems the more adamant at separating his Work from Play.

Even when he’s been clearly found it, he still tries to deny that he and SHADOW are the same person. Miya even uses this to coerce Hiromi into helping him and the boys:

I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that the separation between Hiromi and SHADOW can be interpreted as a metaphor for being in The Closet. As SHADOW, he leads a secret life, one characterized by an tight-knit underground community with a vibrant night scene, where he behaves in ways typically frowned upon by larger society. He worries about being found out and judged by the people close to him.

But in Ep 4, the walls of his Closet begins to come down, or in this case is literally imposed upon by other members of his community, by its younger members, who don’t feel the same need to hide their passion for skateboarding or lead the same kind of double life.

We then see the line between Hiromi and SHADOW begin to blur.

He becomes less of an antagonist, and instead the audience sees him become a mentor and “mother hen” figure for the younger skaters. Later on in Ep 4, we see him casually interacting with the other protags in full SHADOW mode, not as an “anti-hero” but as a friend.  In Ep 6, he acts as a babysitter for the kids, and we see him totally comfortable appearing both in an out of his SHADOW persona throughout their vacation.

And I think that this gradual convergence of Hiromi and SHADOW will culminate in this tournament arc.

There’s something more personal that’s driving SHADOW to do well in this tournament. It’s not just for bragging rights or his pride as a skater, but the results of this tournament is going to have some kind of greater impact on Hiromi’s personal life. Personally, my theory is that Hiromi is using this tournament to prove to himself that he’s worthy enough to ask his manager out on a date.

Hiromi is no longer compartmentalizing, his two lives are overlapping and influencing each other. Recall the essay quote I cited earlier:

The closet... is the space in which queer identities build themselves up from “disused pieces” and attempt to discover the strength needed for presentation to the world... of potentiality and actualization.

This is exactly the case for Hiromi. Through skating, he is piecing together the disparate parts of him such that he can present himself to the world as a more unified and confident being.

And the show presents the very skating community that Hiromi has been working so hard to keep separated from his personal life- Reki, Langa, Miya, Kaoru, and Kojiro- as the catalyst for that becoming.

That, my dear readers, is queer coding if I ever saw it.

But there’s probably gonna be people claiming something along the lines of “But SHADOW can’t be queer rep because he’s Straight!” And I assume that’s because he shows romantic interest in his female manager.

First of all, Bisexuality. Also Ace/aro-spec people. And second of all, SHADOW is Hiromi’s drag persona.

And before anyone can say anything about how Hiromi can’t do drag because he’s straight (assumption) and cis (also an assumption) uhhhh no, fuck you.

Drag didn’t start with RuPaul’s Drag Race, that’s just how it got mainstream. And it’s also how it got so gentrified and transphobic. You heard me. But anyway.

Drag is, and has always been, first and foremost about exaggerated, and oftentimes satirical, gender presentation and performance. It’s about playing with gender norms through artistic dress and theater, not so much to do with sexuality or gender identity.

Literally, what’s the difference here?

SHADOW is a persona of exaggerated masculinity with a punk aesthetic. Regardless of his sexuality or gender identity, Hiromi’s gender performance as SHADOW is drag- that makes him queer representation, change my fucking mind.

Queerness is more than same-sex romance, and by extension, good queer representation is not limited to canonized gay ships. The very word Queer, in it’s ambiguity, is meant to encompass the richly unique experiences of everyone within the LGBTQ+ community.

In my opinion, Queer =/= Gay. I mean, they’re colloquially the same yes and even I use them interchangeably. But for the purpose of this post, they’re not the same, and that’s to argue that Hiromi/SHADOW’s lack of acknowledgement as queer rep illustrates a larger issue of exclusion within fandom.

I mean, this is something we all kinda been knew, but in the case of Sk8 specifically, there are a two main reasons why I think Hiromi is rarely acknowledged as queer rep.

1. He’s not shippable with another male character

Fandom favors mlm ships when it comes to what’s considered good queer rep. And the ultimate mark of good queer rep is explicit acts of romance or intimacy between two male characters. Unlike with any of the other characters in the show, we can’t point to Hiromi and automatically clock him as gay, especially because he expresses romantic interest in a woman.

So by default, he’s less popular, because “Ew Straight People” amirite /s.

2. He’s not attractive

This is really interesting, because like JOE, Hiromi is a beefcake.

But fans don’t thirst over him the same way they do over JOE. Granted, the show really plays up JOE’s muscles in a very strip-teasey way that literally encourages viewers to find him attractive. By contrast, Hiromi is pretty much covered head to toe and he paints his face in theatrical makeup- the point is to look scary, not attractive.

In essence, even though Hiromi engages in “queer behavior” through his SHADOW persona, his queerness isn’t palatable.

But I also think there’s some pretty insidious undercurrents of fetishization going on here, of both Asian people AND gay men. Which is... a whole other thing I really don’t have the capacity to unpack completely.

But basically, Hiromi doesn’t fit into any of the popular BL archetypes so he’s less likely to recognized as Queer. Relatedly, he’s also less often subjected to a fetishistic gaze as other characters. I mean...

So again, fans just don’t find him as appealing. Attractive characters are always more popular than ugly ones.

And I’m sure there are a lot of people who just don’t care for Hiromi’s personality, that’s fine, he does act like an asshole sometimes. But this post is meant to illustrate that queer rep takes multiple forms, and unfortunately I think a lot of media just tends to fall back on stereotypical portrayals of queer people for the sake of broader appeal. And by consequence, the fandom’s idea of what constitutes queer rep narrows to same-sex romance, usually between two cis gay men.

With the release of Ep 9, I know a lot of people queer people are going to find representation in the Kojiro’s whole “unrequited love” thing. But personally, I feel more represented by Hiromi, his journey of self-acceptance and subversive relationship with gender- that’s what resonates with me as a trans person.

And I think it’s important to see that kind of less palatable type of queer representation more acknowledged in fandom, and in Sk8′s fandom especially, because I know the demographics of this fandom lean heavily queer.

But that’s all for now, lemme know what you guys think :)

[south-park-meta]

why do you think cartman is abusing stan? they get along ok

I think Cartman's abusive towards everyone with Kyle and Butters getting the worst of it. But I have come around more to the way Cartman's abusive to Stan than when I made my initial analysis of their relationship. I said there that Cartman attacked things that mostly Stan's not bothered by, and some of that's true. Like, attacking him for caring about animals isn't something that affects him very often.

But with that said, there IS a core of attacking Stan for (lacking) masculinity and that actually does seem to be something he's anxious about...just not to Cartman directly. Cartman regularly calls him a pussy, gay, weak, seeming like a girl. The Cissy is probably the best example of the name-calling because it encompasses basically all of it

Do you know your girlfriend's going around tellin' everyone that you're gay?! [Stan looks around] Oh yeah! She's got the whole school believin' that she's attracted to girls, but she's dating you! So what does that make you, Stan?! A girl! STAN-AN'S A GIR-RL! You'd better curb your dog, Stan! You'd better curb your dog before people start ripping on you!

He tells Stan he's too weak to control his girlfriend, that he's gay, and that he's a girl all at once. Stan actually has a reaction (looking around, looking nervous, and he does end up talking to his dad and Principal Victoria. Cartman GOT a reaction, just not one he wanted).

The thing is, Stan's masculinity IS the thing he's most defensive of, and is his 'weak point' in relation to Kyle being Jewish, Kenny being poor, Butters being naive. He gets nervous about seeming gay and has to overcome it. He does get ripped on/ name-called/dismissed for not being manly enough or seeming gay by both his uncle, who he looks up to, and his dad, who he does (for most of the show) have a mutually loving relationship with. MOST of the 'Stan has a moment of character growth in the way of accepting who he is' comes down to him being okay with shirking stereotypical masculinity. Cartman is a master at honing in on weaknesses and he ABSOLUTELY has Stan's down.

So, then, why doesn't Cartman really tear the shit out of him more?

The thing is that Stan doesn't rise to the bait in angry outbursts. Kyle does. Kenny does, sometimes, too. Butters is specifically dismissed as a Kyle punching bag replacement because he doesn't. But Cartman also can't just casually abuse him constantly the way he does Butters, or put Stan's dick in his mouth while he sleeps, or give him a poop moustache, because Stan would up and leave the friendship, or actually physically beat him up. It has to be a verbal or emotional, non-physical attack. Stan doesn't get ripped on by Cartman more because he doesn't tend to take the bait in a way that would be fun and would let Cartman continue to feed off of it and really tear him to pieces.

So why doesn't Stan take the bait? Is he not upset by it?

The thing is he DOES get upset about this kind of thing. He just tends not to confront it directly. Instead he tends to want to compensate for the accusations. He tries to force Sparky to be straight. He doesn't play along at the wild west show because Wendy's there. He shoots and kills Skuzzlebutt. He becomes hypercritical of Gary and chews him out for Mormonism. And in each and every one of these cases, the best choice is consistently for him not to worry about seeming like anything except what he is. I think The Cissy is a step forward for him in, instead of outright denying who he is, he just sits down and questions it instead. Personally I think there hasn't been another comment on it since he came to the conclusion he is a boy (I know there're nb headcanons for him and I won't pick at it too much because I don't think it runs contrary to his character per se, I just don't agree with it. I see it as more of another masculinity introspection than really specifically a gender one), but I think it's a step forward for his character growth. He has multiple times gone through an arc of 'hide who you are, then realize who you are is really an asset', and sometimes that gets to a point of 'fuck what people think' but often it just kind of is what it is and he doesn't really do anything with it. He still cares about not being manly enough, and often the lesson of it is 'yeah you ARE kind of a pussy but it's fine, people will like you anyway, or being a pussy is beneficial to helping people'. While the recent seasons have made Stan more depressed and miserable, he's also FINALLY starting to get to a point of-- instead of worrying what makes other people like him, what makes him an asset to other people-- 'What makes me like myself? What makes me who I am?'

ANYWAY with all that said, the reason Cartman doesn't get much out of moments like this is that Stan often doesn't have a reaction, period. Sometimes it's because he probably literally doesn't care. He doesn't always value Cartman's opinion, and he does seem able to let a lot of comments go as just being bullshit. The other thing is that if it actually gets to the point of GETTING a reaction, it's not one that would be fun for Cartman. Literally the only thing that's ever come out of Stan reacting to the insecurity that Cartman harps on (whether because of Cartman or not) is that he either suppresses or questions it, and decides he likes himself more as he was to start with. Like he very consistently has improved himself through being criticized on this very point.

So does he have a point that Cartman can hurt him on?

Absolutely, and that point is Kyle.

Stan consistently has stronger, more hurt, more violent reactions to Cartman when it's Kyle that Cartman's going after. When Cartman makes a comment that Kyle's going to die, Stan tells him not to say things like that (even though people regularly die or talk about death around them). When Cartman's treating Kyle unfairly and Kyle can't do anything about it himself, Stan rights it. Even when Stan and Kyle aren't getting along, multiple seasons after Stan told Kyle that he was destroying the last thread of friendship they had left by siding with Cartman in the GOT arc, he still takes tit-for-tat revenge on Cartman in Band in China for Kyle's sake.

The way to get Kyle to respond in a fun way is for Cartman to attack Kyle.

The way to get Stan to respond in a fun way is for Cartman to attack Kyle.

I think it's noteworthy that when Cartman checks out on the 'broship' it's after Stan has checked out on Kyle, and pointedly stayed out of Kyle's fight with Cartman even after Kyle asked him to get involved with it. It's not worth keeping Stan tied in to the group because he's not coming to Kyle's defense, so there's no fun to be had in Stan hanging around. It's ALSO noteworthy that Kyle is equally blindsided by both of them.

But, okay, Cartman is nice to Stan sometimes. He's probably nicer to him than he is pretty much any other character. I think Cartman was playing a balancing act and lost.

He wants Stan and Kyle to be friends, because their friendship is important to get them both riled up. But he wants himself to be the most important to both of them, and that means he HAS to knock them down a peg in each other's opinions. They need to be friends with each other, good enough friends that Stan wants to defend Kyle when Cartman's mean to him and Kyle can't defend himself. It's no fun if Kyle's literally defenseless and Cartman gets jack for a reaction. But they have to be best friends with Cartman, because Cartman has a massive ego. This is a pretty damn hard line to walk.

But here are some nice things that Cartman's done for Stan:

-He came and hung out with him on Tegridy, and had solo activities bonding with him through board games and things like that.

-He helped Stan with the drug ring in Hummels and Heroin

-He saved the pangolin

The first two things are a clear spit in Kyle's face. Kyle is the core group who seems most disconnected from what's going on on Tegridy. Cartman is very clearly trying to take Kyle's place as Stan's go-to. Around(ish, keeping in mind the show's internal timeline) the same time, through the GOT arc, he is focusing his attention on bonding with Kyle.

Likewise, Kyle tells Stan outright he's not going to help with the Hummels problem in the second case. Cartman gets involved because Stan says he 'needs' him. He's willing to help because it puts him in direct competition with Kyle; he's helping Stan when Kyle told him to figure it out himself. He is weasling in on the best friend role.

In the last case, I think it's because he still wanted the 'broship' to work, and like I said I think he did up until Stan gave up on his friendship with Kyle. Stan's having a complete mental breakdown, which would cause issues and not be enjoyable on Cartman's end, so he'll give him a bone and let him maintain his sanity so Cartman can keep having fun pitting Stan and Kyle against each other while being besties with them both. He just flew too close to the sun and lost with it because Stan was teetering on the edge for the friendship since YGO and the next episode pushed him over.

In conclusion, Cartman's actions with Stan are 100% meant to manipulate him and emotionally destroy him. It just happens that Stan takes attacks on himself pretty internally and might even come out stronger for it. So for the most part if everything else is going fine, he's a tough nut to crack. The stuff that really fucks him up and tears him apart mentally is attacking Kyle, or attacking his friendship with Kyle.

[asherlockstudy]

Re the anon ask about RandL's queerbaiting (and forgive me if you've posted about this before - I'm new here!). Do you think it's obnoxious/unreasonable for R&L to differentiate between shippers who ship for fun, treating it all like fantasy, and shippers who truly believe that the guys have been in a secret relationship for years and say so? And is it outside the realm of possibility that they might come to tolerate and even enjoy the one and dislike the other?

Also, is it queerbaiting if they've explicitly stated they aren't gay for each other? I mean, technically yes, but I suppose I'm used to the kind of queerbaiting where the creators keep it ambiguous, purposefully leading people on with false hope that the ship might become a reality. That's not to say that I can't see why their have-our-cake-and-eat-it-too approach when it comes to appeasing shippers isn't sometimes troubling. I guess I just don't find it as sinister(?) as I've found it in other instances.

Re Stevie: Two possible scenarios occur to me - 1. She knows they're gay/bi/whatever and is protective of their right to keep that to themselves or 2. She knows they're straight and is protective of their right to assert that without being called liars. If she's of the mind that it truly is nobody else's business, I can see why she'd use the tension/speculation for content - both for the views and to feel like they're taking control of the narrative. Maybe she'd even use it as a pushback for what she sees as a invasion of boundaries on the part of some fans. I agree that this wouldn't be particularly kind, but I could see someone getting into that headspace even as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Again, forgive me if I'm missing something key here or if this is a topic you've already covered exhaustively in the past.

Hello!

RE: the differentiation between shippers, I answered a relevant ask just a few days ago where I explain my opinion in detail. Here's the link. Overall I agree they differentiate between different types of shippers but I try to go a bit deeper than the superficial distinction "fanon" shippers VS "canon" shippers, so to speak.

RE: the queerbaiting. Truth be told, I was wondering about that the other day. Rhett and Link have openly stated they are not into each other and that they will never kiss, so if someone legitimately expects a confirmation (by real people with families!) or a kiss in front of the cameras, they are kidding themselves. I think the root of people's hesitance to write off Rhink just entirely is that there is a progress in what R&L indulge to do that creates false promises. For example, they have done fanfiction reading three times and each time was massively different from the previous one. First time, it was some teen stuff and they were uncomfortable. Second time it was explicit and they were hilariously embarrassed (like visibly flushing to the point of seeing redness and sweat on them lol). The third time it was explicit and they ENACTED it with a certain casualness. So, you see, if they can't stick to a consistent behaviour, this makes it harder for fans to be consistent in regulating their expectations. Still, I am unsure about the term. What it essentially is is a "we are clear about us but we give you a bit of what you want and we call you idiots for wanting this at your face". So, I don't know if it's queerbaiting per se, but it is certainly mocking their fanbase and quite a bit problematic.

RE: Stevie. Heck I don't know. Your theory makes sense but even if she's trying to be protective (for whichever of the two reasons you said), she does not do a good job at it. How protective was she when she asked Link "whether he just said Rhett made him horny" (he didn't) which made both Link and Rhett uncomfortable? How protective was she when as a host in LTAT she showed to Rhett's dad some hilarious, embarrassing and even Rhinky moments and then aired a video of Rhett's dad judging him and saying stuff like "we gave money to make him an engineer and look what he chose to do with his life" and then Rhett was on the verge of crying? And there are many more things that I can't list now from the top of my head but I am not sure Stevie is what they needed. She helped them become a big and relevant business to be sure, but creatively and even psychologically? I am not sure she's been effective support. She comes off so inconsiderate to me.

Since you mentioned it, I will soon start closing off this discussion from my blog. I am getting a lot of replies and asks but the truth is I expected my op to go totally unnoticed! I genuinely enjoyed the conversation that developed because of it (and your ask, let me be clear), I just think I am reaching a close of what new I can personally contribute to this particular topic.

Of course, you are always welcome to my inbox to discuss anything RandL and Rhink <3