#i maybe can explain if anyone sees this and asks? idk. i dont think so.

[kkatastrophic]

i love MUSIC so jeres me assigning some songs from my playlist to the main lok characters and main atla characters ‘cause i’m bored and scrolling on tiktok is making me go stupid with No explanation maybe idk. i am assigning songs purely out of my gut instinct and the twitch in my fingers

Also highlighting songs in blue because i am a messy person and have like BLOBS of text so and the artist name in [__] square brackets

(also lets ignore tje fact that most of the songs are from adrianne lenker, or jeff buckley, or alex g, or mitski… !!! i THINK i might have favorites… umm idk tho…)

—

ATLA

aang: the frost [mitski] , message [alex g] , also things to do [alex g] . not much to be said here im bad at analyzing poor little avatar buddy aang im so sorry my friend!!!

katara: a small dash of when memories snow [mitski] and a drop of buffalo replaced [mitski] and abbey [mitski]

sokka: also abbey [mitski] + DEF when memories snow [mitski] . lover you should’ve come over [jeff buckley] and forget her [jeff buckley] maybe? weird fishes / arpeggi [radiohead] too

toph: half return [adrianne lenker] . class of 2013 [mitski] audiotree version sorry! a small drop of crack baby [mitski] thats maybe a stretch though! and rules [alex g] probs a stretch too

zuko: also half return [adrianne lenker], dragon eyes [adrianne lenker] as well. advice [alex g] and some of eternal life [jeff buckley] either version (road or classic) but it doesn’t really matter. and candy [alex g]

might do azula, suki, plus some other characters some other time when i’m not lazy to death 😞

—

LOK

korra: eternal life [jeff buckley], maybe i love me after you [mitski], abbey [mitski] brand new city [mitski], i dont like my mind [mitski], i’m your man [mitski], 16 mirrors [alex g]

mako: forget her [jeff buckley], somewhat the deal [mitski], things to do [alex g], when memories snow [mitski], pretend [alex g] , a bit of a stretch but maybe there’s nothing left for you [mitski]

asami: once more to see you [mitski] goodluck, babe! [chappell roan], buffalo replaced [mitski], anything [adrianne lenker], a drop of not a lot, just forever [adrianne lenker]

bolin: crack baby [mitski], i don’t smoke [mitski] (classic or audiotree version it doesnt really matta), last goodbye [jeff buckley], weird fishes / arpeggi [radiohead], break [alex g], message [alex g], i want you [mitski], a little bit of abbey [mitski] (what is it with so many characters being compatible with this song even in a small way??!), liquid smooth [mitski], and brand new city [mitski]

idk who else to do for lok idk

—

these are so ooc probably hellp? just wanted to assign random songs to them and i have like. a total of like about fivr artist in my playlist with 2+ songs made by them… alex g mitski jeff buckley radiohead fiona apple... what the sigma!!! but idrc i ddi this for fun and honestly this was much better than scrolling on tiktok for hours on end and slso i got to listen to cool songs! and also i thought about cheracters a lot and to be more specific my favorite characters a lot and like. i looove my favorite characters!!! guess which ones they are! dont its sokka and bolin idk if its obvious aha! 😞 ok im tyoing a lot posting this and goigntnos eleep (lie im gonan read ao3 and write fics ill never post and them scroll on tumblr for lok ant atla content)

[weebsinstash]

Ok but yandere miguel falling for a darling who doesn't want kids definitely has the "I can fix her" mentality. Especially even if you express no interest in kids or taking care of them, you do so with plants or animals.

Like what do you mean you dont want kids? The last like 4 weeks basically every hour you wake up to bottle feed a litter kittens. Clearly you're just coping from not having one already. It's ok, he's happy to help you make one.

Ok but like for real in the actual movie when Miguel is explaining the Arachnoid Poly Multiverse to Miles, one of the canon events you can see is getting married, so, a significant relationship, romantic, platonic, or otherwise is a canon event for every Spider. I've thought of "youre off in your own dimension being single when Miguel MAKES you have a relationship and eventually decides it has to be him bc you HAVE to get married or have babies WITH SOMEONE" to "this is a Reader who lost their home universe and you live in Nueva York now and it's unclear if you're supposed to even be following canon anymore or if you're an anomaly but one day Lyla tells him the model says he COULD be your husband maybe idk "

Miguel, totally not having unspoken intentions and definitely not having baby fever: so... do you ever think about... finding a husband and getting more serious? Maybe having a few kids?

Reader: I don't really see anyone loving me like that and even if someone somehow did i don't think I'm really a good motherly type

Also Reader: *once heard Miguel's stomach growl and brought him some food, asks him how he's doing and if he's gotten enough sleep, constantly holds Spider Cat cradled like a little baby and literally calling it and Meows Morales your babies, Miles sneezed once and you got him a tissue and asked him if he's drinking enough water, you like informing and teaching other people about your interests and gets really excited when you teach someone something they don't know, you like watching your plants grow and get taller and bloom under your care*

Miguel: *looks into the camera like he's on The Office*

[williamandmichaelendgame]

Byler and The Imitation Game

My native language is not english so i hope you understand everything🥰.

So we all know the poster from Will in S4 was about Alan Turing and i found the movie ,,The Imitation Game” and i watched it, and it was very interesting for byler and mileven.

So at first Alan was gay and saved 14 Million lives and shortened the ww2 around 2 years.

Alan was also inlove with his bestfriend, Christopher.

( on the left side is Christopher and on the right Alan)

So he needed to crack the german enigma in year 1939 and he wanted to see if anyone can crack a puzzle under 6 minutes, and a lady, Joan, was late and she argued with a man. So Alan went to her and said something like ,,you can sit down”. She argued with the man, because he thought that she didn’t cracked the puzzle all by herself, because they needed to also crack a puzzle before they crack the other puzzle, and she was a woman,thats why the man thought she could not do it all by herself, it was during WW2.

I think it’s like El and Mike, Mike trusted El and let her to his house, but we all know Lucas and Dustin didn’t like her. So we can imagine like Dustin and Lucas are the men who doesnt like women and Mike like Alan liked her and let her to his house and like Alan gave her a chance to crack this puzzle even if she was a woman.

Now we go to Alan’s school time, he was bullied for being ,,different”. But he had help from his best friend, Christopher. One day they were under a tree, Christopher read a book. And Alan was interested, so Christopher thought that he would like it too. And then they shared a cute smile and i think that was the moment Alan realized his feelings for Christopher. And then they had a math class and shared letters and Christopher wrote something like ,,See you in two long weeks, my dearest friend”🥰🥰. And after that two weeks Alan wrote ,,i love you” and he waited for him, but he never came back, because he died of his illness.

I think in ST are letters romantic, like here, but i mean not every letter is romantic. But i don‘t think mike knows that he loves him, because i think he would like get distance himself from Will. Because i think we all think that mike has internalized homophobia, but i mean he will notice it in S5.

Okay so now we come back to Alan and Joan, so she cracked the puzzle under 6 minutes and i mean they liked eachother, but Joan had to leave,because her parents wanted her back and because she had no husband. So Alan had the idea to marry her, and they did.

So what do you think? I think Mike forced himself to get into a relationship like Alan for a reason, maybe because he’s gay or what i think he ,,loved” her in the moment were she wore nancys dress or just another reason idk. We don’t know what he thought or felt. He just looked at her and said ,,pretty”. Idk but the duffers will hopefully explain what he thought or felt.

And after Alan was engaged with her, they were at a party and a friend of Alan asked Joan to dance with him and they did, then Alan smiled at them but it faded away and a friend sat next to him and he said ,,what’s the matter?” Alan said ,,what if- what if i don’t fancy being with joan that way”😟 and then the friend said ,,because you’re a homosexual?” And Alan said ,,i care about her, i truly do,i just dont know if i can pretend…”😱

We all know mike said to Eleven ,,i care about you so much” and i think this scene from Alan was inspired from it.

And now a good one, they ,,broke up” because Alan said he is gay, but she said ,,i had my suspicions, but i care about you and i know you care about me” and idk i never saw a post about it but in S3 eleven said to max ,,how do i know what i like?” LIKE WHAT😭 how do you know what you love when you don’t even know what you like and it was just about clothing?

And Alan said that he was never alone, because he said to his Computer, Christopher and after he cracked enigma, he took his Computer, Christopher home with him.

,,I think it‘ll be easier if we’re a team. Friends. Best Friends.” So Mike and Will are working together. Like Alan and Christopher just that Christopher is his Computer😓.

And omg im sorry i dont have structure😭 i just saw Joan and Alan danced together but they were not inlove😭

Like El and Mike they danced together🤔

And thats a really good one omg💀 Alan said ,, what if- what if i don’t fancy being with joan that way” and Will also said ,,what if- what if they don’t like the truth?” And mike nods💀and when Alan said ,,what if- what if” he didn’t stuttered it was just a break like Will.So i think maybe what Alan said is that what mike think or is like an answer to Will’s question.

But ik it doesn’t mean that Alan Turing is like Mikes story, it’s just inspiring, from a gay icon🥰. Maybe El and Mike they were in love somehow, because i think it’s difficult to explain it,but i mean i think the duffers have also their own ideas and get inspired from other movies/shows.But that they are not inspired from this movie, i would say it’s impossible 😭 See how many things are like the same. Me personally i think that’s why it’s real because Mike is very big maybe (it’s obvious) inspired from Alan so yeah.

[pilfappreciator]

ATTENTION TROLLS FANDOM!!

This is very important. Mostly to me but maybe you guys have been wondering this too idk but anyways:

How does troll reproduction work exactly?

Cuz I'm genuinely curious. I dont think anyone on the series production team has said anything and so far I've seen absolutely no one touch on this subject but as someone who's always had an interest in the habits of creatures (both fictional or otherwise), I kinda sorta maybe NEED to know this otherwise I'll never be able to sleep peacefully again

Full disclaimer that I'm specifically talking about the whole egg situation, I am NOT ASKING HOW THEY GET IT ON IF I WANTED THAT ANSWER I'D GO TO DEVIANT ART OR TWITTER OR WHATEVER LAWLESS PLATFORM GOD STEERS CLEAR OF. This discussion shall remain STRICTLY educational, thank you very much

But anywho. Let's dive in

So trolls come from eggs. This is basic knowledge. First instance of this phenomenon (as far as I know, I've only seen the movies) is from World Tour.

Egg pops out of Guy Diamond's hair, egg hatches and BOOM, (literal) baby. Now I understand that this whole sequence was probably just a gag and a way for DreamWorks to implement another (merchandisable) addition to the cast HOWEVER this sequence also raises a few questions

First off, as far as I know Guy Diamond has no partner (again: I haven't watched any of the spinoff shows). Either that or maybe the other troll was a sorta one-night-stand/no-longer-in-his-life kinda situation? Which is great either way cuz its shown he obviously cares for his son and we at Tumblr appreciate a loving single father no matter the circumstances, but if my former theory is correct than that would imply that trolls are capable of reproducing asexually. Like onions.

Now if that hypothesis is, as they call it, "cap" then that would mean that some sorta hanky panky has to go down before an egg comes into question. And if that's the case, does this mean that male trolls are traditionally the ones who carry the eggs?

But that can't be right, can it? Afterall, World Tour gave us yet ANOTHER egg scene later on in the movie

In Cooper's flashback, we clearly see Queen Essence being the one carrying the eggs meanwhile King Quincy is eggless. Now, as far as i see it, this could be explained either one of four ways:

1) Quincy was the one who actually produced the eggs and Essence is merely holding them for her husband (since her hair seems more fitting to be a makeshift nest compared to Quincy's)

2) Female trolls are the ones who produce the eggs. Guy Diamond is just a trans icon

3) Troll reproduction differs from genre to genre

4) There is a... *sighs* a/b/o type of dynamic among troll kind where certain trolls are capable of giving birth/siring children depending on a secondary gender

In regards to theory #3, this could also explain why Guy Diamond seems to reproduce and hatch an egg in such a short amount of time (like 5 seconds I'm pretty sure) as opposed to Queen Essence/King Quincy who's eggs presumably went a while longer before actually hatching.

Actually, speaking off eggs, are trolls the only species in their world that reproduce that way?

Because now that Band Together has officially been released, we now know for certain that it's possible for different species to crossbreed. Biggest example? Resident DILF Bruce and his giant muppet wife

(Credit to @captainunderkrupp )

When I saw these two... I swear...

And these two already have a shit ton of kids okay so like... either Brandi was the one giving birth or trollsona Daveed Digs was over here pumpin out eggs, which I mean-

DO YOU SEE HOW BIG THESE THINGS ARE COMPARED TO BRANCH AND POPPY?? Believe me I am PRAYING that Bruce gave himself some serious maternity/paternity leave because my guy is honestly a trooper

But yeah any thoughts? :))

[corviiids]

hi rook sorrgy I'm back but I've been thinking about your akeshu as girls genderfuckery tweet for 20 million years. idk if you can share anything in good faith here on the Tumblr corner of the internet (if not then by all means ignore this) but if you did I'd owe you perhaps my entire soul!! thank you very much either way :3

i would LOVE to talk about this thank you so much for asking

[under the cut in case anyone would not like to see genderfuckery stuff]

okay so first of all.

on the topic of boobs

this is important to lead with do you understand. most of the akeshu as girls stuff ive seen around has akc as flat-chested and ren as boobed. and that's valid i support that. but personally. personally to me. i think it's the opposite. tbe reason (well one reason) i think it's the opposite is because i think girlren is a little rat of a creature and akechi who is prim and feminine and perfect is so FUCKING angry about her crush on ren like she's barely surviving it and then this is the nail in the coffin. she's like why can't i stop thinking about that messy unassuming thing. she doesn't even have boobs

my other reasons for tihs are that i think joker is more androgynous charm while akechi is more feminine/masculine duality i think this makes sense to nobody else. i think ren regardless of agab is riding the rail of the gender spectrum 🛹 while akc is collecting extremes of gender presentation like they're pokemon do you understand. are we on the same page here. ren being into drag is important to me for this reason (again regardless of agab). meanwhile akechi having very clear feminine secondary sex characteristics but presenting gradually more and more masculine in terms of clothing/hair/personal style etc. is also extremely important to me. and that includes being biog of tity while her style veers more and more into masc as time goes on

ok

the detective prince

i think girl akechi (at 17-18) presents very femininely because it's what's effective for her. i would call her style................... kawaii corporate chic. does that make sense for everyone. it's like schoolgirl girlboss. she has a bow instead of a tie but it's a very classy one not a kitschy one. smart blazer, uniform pleated skirt, patent leather shoes, u know the drill BUT. people still call her the detective prince. this is VERY IMPORTANT to me. no detective princess. only detective prince. do you understand the importance of the genderfuckery of a super feminine girl being called by masculine terms. to me. we're continuing the legacy set by my hero naoto shirogane bigender queeng. bigender kin. bigender genderneutral non-monarchical ruler

i think by third sem girl akechi is starting to dress more androgynously/masculinely. more pants. i think her third sem outfit is unchanged from canon. just a smart coat, sweater, buttondown, slacks. postcanon she gets a haircut.

just trying to live an honest student life

ren is like so fundamentallyuncomfortable with the fact of his existence at the beginning of canon so to me girlren is like... she dresses like she's trying to hide in her clothes. messy hair. i have no strong feelings about whetehr her hair should be long or short, or whether it's loose or pulled into a tail, but i know it's messsy. untamed curls. and she uses it to hide her face. none of her clothes fit. she's in oversized everything. i have a very clear image in my head of a ren idle animation where she leans down to pull up her leggings because they keep falling down. she also has terrible posture. she's androgynous at this stage not on purpose but because she's too self conscious to like... exist... and present... in any notable way at all

i think as she gets more confident and as the year progresses she starts to dress more distinctively. i like the idea of her getting more comfortable prettying up. maybe working at crossroads helps her with this 🤔 i dont know how to explain this but i think she's still feminine in a gentlemanly chivalrous way rather than a girly cute way. girlren has that same steady calming vibe that guy ren does

joker & crow

crow has a magical girl skirt. i have a drawing of this but im too self conscious about my own lack of drawing skill to show it off so i cropped out the key part and put it into an ms paint void in the distance as my visual aid

there. i hope this is illustrative

i think given girl akechi's use of her feminine charms to gain popularity, her hero complex would be similarly gendered given we have confirmation that robin hood represents not (only) heroics for altruistic reasons but also the theatre of being seen doing good. there's a real drama element to the idea of a magical girl transformation that i honestly wish we got for male crow too. i always am depressed that we don't get to see much theatre for akechi's initial appearance as crow and summoning of robin hood, anyway, girlcrow has ribbons and a capelet that flap in non-existent wind.

black mask's outfit is unchanged from canon. i'd like it to look a little less stupid but that has nothing to do with gender i just want it to look a little less stupid.

joker's outfit is also unchanged from canon. listen. im back on my bullshit. in the metaverse her behaviour gets more feminine and more sly and confident than in reality. she's got that femme fatale shit going on. however, she is still a gentleman thief. she has the long coat. she has the poofy trousers. she has the waistcoat. she's still smirking and fixing her gloves and flipping her knife and doing that thing that canon ren does where he lifts his chin and does the little "come on" thing with her fingers. do you understand? do you understand me

[quodekash]

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKing hell theyre gonna kiss today????

hes so grumpy already I love this so much

the silent conversations chain and toey are having with their eyes oml I cant

pls this is so funny

theyre both deeply in love with someone else so it's jsut so unnatural to them

BUT ALSO id like to mention that the first thing chain did when he had to pretend to be hitting on toey was put his arm around his shoulders and rest his hand there. which is what he's literally ALWAYS doing with pun, no matter when it is, he's always standing next to pun with his hand resting on one of his shoulders

its like he associates his time with pun as being in a romantic relationship 👀

THESE FUCKIN BASTARDS 😭

JUST KISS IM BEGGING YOU

theyre lost in their own little world 🥺

kiIIIIIS

this is too funny, the cuts from "chain. chain what happened next." to ✨soulful dramatic guitar music✨

im sad they didnt actually kiss but also im not surprised

LOOK AT THEM, DUDE

THEYRE SO NATURAL WITH EACH OTHER

I FUCKIN LOVE FRIENDS TO LOVERS SO SO MUCH

half convinced theyre already dating, they just cant be bothered saying anything so theyre waiting for others to ask them about it

PUN IS SO CUTE DUDE I ADORE HIM HES FUCKING ADORABLE

I LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH THEYRE SOIMPORTANT TO ME

if I ever have a romantic partner, this is what I want

I cant explain it, I just wanna run up to them with pure joy and excitement, and for them to hold me back by just pushing against my skull

it just seems perfect, idk why

GB4JHERGB

THE FRIENDSHIP OF ALL TIME

genuinely think I might be more invested in their friendship than all the romantic relationships in this show

im fucking CRYING

my king matt, this was so unnecessary and I love everything about it

why does it suit him so well tho

they should kiss again I think

I feel everything about this image on a spiritual level

THIS ENTIRE AMUSEMENT PARK SEQUENCE BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY AND DOPAMINE IM IN LOVE WITH THSI EPUSODE

NEW COMFORT EPISODE UNLOCKED

look its really funny but I do feel bad cos this day is not even a little bit fun for him

like q is having a complete shit time

poor chain doesn't love amusement parks but he has to go on the rides with toey to keep up the facade cos toey loves these rides 😭

and its even worse realising Q also seems to love amusement parks, so he would be having a fucking amazing time if he could just go on all the rides next to Q cos they both love it so much 😭😭

fuckin FINALLY

LMAO WHAT

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I JUST SCREECHED WITH LAUGHTER SO LOUD AND ITS MIDNIGHT

THE PURE COMICAL SHOCK AS HE REALISDE WHAT HE SAID, THE EXCITEMENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE AS THEYR EALISE WHAT HE SAID

I mean to be fair it was REALLY obvious

im surprised no one noticed earlier but also its a bl so im not at all surprised to find out theyre all fuckin dumbasses

SERIOUSLY THO TANFANG IS WHAT I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP HOLY SHIT

a lot of the time watching bls ill be like "I want that" but its usually as a joke

but THIS?? the fucking adhd bastard (me) who just wants to be near their partner and compliment and always stimming and just having a swell fucking time while the other one loves them but is mildly tired but also in adoration? FUCKIN GIMME

also how the fuck has Q not realised, theyre all so fucking obvious

also also I cant explain it it just feels deeply as though pun and chain are for real dating they just havent told anyone yet

ill make a post about it all at some point maybe (I definitely wont)

PHYSICAL TOUCH IS HIS LOVE LANGUAGE 😭😭😭

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH HE DOESNT HAVE TO HOLD HIM SECRETLY ANYMORE THEY CAN JUST WALK HAND IN ARM NATURALLY NOW

hear me out tho, this gets even funnier if he's actually already in a committed relationship that no one knows about yet

I dont think it's secret dating, it's just 'not super obvious dating to try and see JUST how oblivious all our friends are. its been three years at this point and still no one's said anything. we're starting to lose all hope.'

I love tan so much, the little wave

what the FUCK

what the FUCK FUCK???

THE SOUNDWIN LINE????

HERE IT IS ITS FUCKIN COMIN GUYS

HE SAID IT

HE FUCKIN SAID IT

[insert that gif of the crowd of people in the bar going insane]

holy fucking shit dude holy fucking shit

my legs are literally shaking idk if I can do this

FUCK TO THE YES, FUCKING EXPLICIT ASK FOR CONSENT HOLY FUCKING SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

AND THE FUCKING SONG IN THE BACKGROUND !!!!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE

im gonna be here all day

I dont even need to watch the rest of the episode now

I can just go to bed if I want and watch the rest later or smth

dude I cant wait for q to realise that toey is milk frappe guy

HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT JUST PROCESSED IN MY MIND THAT THEY KISSED

WHAT THE FUCK

omg making out in a haunted house, what a dream

the workers watching on the security cameras probably had a blast that day

how funny would it be if there'd been a scare actor in the shadows in that room with them and they'd been about to scare them but they were too shocked with that tender kiss to remember they have a job

he needs to lie on his bed and just stare at his roof and think about that for a while

tbh same

look at him 🥺 he's so lost in that memory

thEY FUCKIN MADE OUT HOLY FUCK

welp on that note I think im done for now

I might finish the ep with my silly thoughts+screenshots later but for now tis the time for sleep

[leclerced]

🌼anon here!(sorry for the multiple asks today idk maybe I'm ovulating) between maxoscar,landoscar and max-lando who do you think would be the most feral?....i just feel that lando - max threesome would make anyone loose their mind. Them taking turns to corrupt the reader😵‍💫

hi daisy !! i love all the asks so it’s okay!! im on my period and extremely horny so i dont mind 🫶🏻

i am a maxoscar girlie thru and thru so i want to say them but im going to tell u all my thoughts bc i dont think its that simple. all feral in dif ways. but lando is less feral and i explained that at the end.

max and oscar are both very calm and level headed, not very reactive, so they wouldn’t be noticeably excited, if that makes sense. they’d be up for anything, and if they suggest doing something new and kinky, it’s with a very neutral, almost bored expression and tone, “hey i’ve been reading about bondage, how do you feel about being tied up?” reader is the one who gets kinda feral, super eager for whatever it is, kinda like “oh my god yeah lets do that. i wanna do that right now.” would do literally anything though, it doesn’t matter who is suggesting it or what it is, they’re down to try it at least once.

landoscar would bounce off each other a lot, lando gets weird ideas and oscar goes along with them without too much thought. he just looks up whatever new weird thing lando wants to do and helps him talk to reader about it, chances are none of them have done it before so there’s some of trial and error when they’re trying new things. i think lando would be really high energy and excited about it, same with reader, and oscar slows them down and reminds them to take their time, not to get caught in the moment.

max lando would function very similarly, with max taking on a kind of guiding role and keeping lando in line. lando’s v eager to please, happy to listen to max’s commands especially when it’s something he wants to do like overstim reader. feral in that sense.

specifically with lando, w max or oscar, i feel like there’s things he wouldn’t do bc he’s squeamish. just certain things would wig him out so he’s less feral than max and oscar, who would do anything at least once just to see if they like it. or even do stuff they don’t necessarily get off to bc reader does and just getting her off gets them off so it doesn’t matter if they like it as much. lando would have a few things he just considers gross bc he doesn’t like the way smth feels on his skin or smth like that. maybe food kink? reader suggests playing with whip cream and he’s like “no. that only goes on ice cream or pie. it’s so messy it’d get all over the sheets and we’ll have to shower because we’ll be gross and sticky. i hate being sticky. what if it gets in my hair?” meanwhile oscar’s imagining all the different things he can drip onto her and lick off, like honey or chocolate, or what he can dip in whatever he’s covered her in. lando would cringe at the idea.

[kalivasquezart]

Just wanted to say that I absolutely love your au about the Pioneer. Its so well thought out and just overall amazing and oh boy dont even get me started on your art— absolutely beautiful💖💕

I also am working on an au based off of Artis pups and when I found you I was like 🫢🫵 Very similar ideas 👀👀👀Also Hunter as Pioneer’s mentor is SUCH A COOL CONCEPT— Like like cause Hunters my favorite scug and the fact that you included him in your au and as Marbles’ mentor is just *squeals* but it also makes a lot of sense considering he comes a little bit after Arti and is one of the few scugs who can encounter pups in their campaign. I also wanted to ask if its okay with you if I use that idea/concept in my own au 👉👈

I was also thinking about Pioneer’s brother— Ik you said that you hc him as being dead, like officially, but I thought it would be interesting if he was still alive. I personally was inspired to let him live in my au simply because of some official art of Gorum (specifically his endings art especially the food quest one where he has a suspiciously familiar green slugpup). I was thinking something like what happened to Surv and Monk (the one-way pipe considering the fact that he kind of began to drift to the right as he sank) happened to him and Gorum found him. Idk these are just ideas Im using for my own au but thought I would share.

I just realized this is super long sorry HANDNAND I am insane and write too much

ahhhh thank you for the kind words skek YOU FLATTER ME~

[there are rain world spoilers regarding artificer's capaign below, be warned]

while my current headcanon is that the green pup died, i've been thinking very hard about it for the last week or so, and IMO there's a high chance i will retcon that. if the pipe thing is canon to Surv/Monk campaigns then i'm even more eager to adopt that idea. my only real hold-up about the pup was that we clearly see it drown in Arti's dream (the same flashing aura behaviour when you swim underwater), and if he really did drown then the only way to bring him back to life would be through karmic rebirth "last checkpoint save" kind of thing… which feels a bit cheap? a little too simple for me. i'm heavily biased here, because a while ago i read an interesting lore post of someone trying to explain why Arti's pups wouldn't "respawn" if they were killed, while Arti did. in short, the pups were too young to be bound by karma and so when they died, they died for good (reincarnated as a different creature, maybe) - but Artificer being an adult and already having experienced the urges before, was brought back. if i can, i will try to find that post again, and link it here.

ANYWAY yeah, personal AUs don't have to strictly comform to the game's canon, i keep forgetting about that. hell, i've seen people revive scav king or, i dunno, SOS from the dead, and they made it work.

speaking of my AU again, i may also have headcanon'd Arti's mate as a semi-aquatic scug (less freaky than riv tho), and so Bryn/green pup would have inherited some of those genes, making him more likely to survive the drowning. so yeah, i think i like the storytelling potential of keeping the pup alive, althought i'd have to sit down and do a proper brainstorming on what that means… when Arti and Marbles eventually reunite with their long lost other half of the family.

by the way, if you (or anyone else reading this post) wants to use my ideas in their own AU then i'm okay with that! no need to credit or anything. many people come up with similar concepts anyway, it'd be silly to try and police them on it.

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Okay, second post, this ones mostly about Feyre because honestly, as of chapter 3 I havent really noticed Tamlin being out of character and from what Ive heard his character assassination was supposed to happen very quickly. Idk, right now he just seems like the same guy but traumatized although I'll fully admit that I didnt care that much for him outside of the Feylin romance (which was pretty sweet but too boring for me) so maybe I just didnt pay enough attention to him to fully grasp his character

Feyre is frustrating to me right now because I dont think shes out of character either, right now shes also just the same woman but traumatized, but like, I already know the extent to which her character will be bent for the sake of Rhysand. In these first three chapters she literally thinks something along the lines of "What's there for me to do but sit at home and spend Tamlin's money" Tell me, what does she end up doing in the night court huh????

Another thing thats frustrating is that Feyre clearly has issues communicating her feelings and wants, I know because I also had issues with that, and instead of learning that very valuable skill of telling others about your inner world and trying to work on her relationships (with both Tamlin and with her sisters), shes just gonna end up with a guy who can read her mind so theres no need for her to challenge herself and grow in any way. Yay. One thing especially stuck out to me in this regard was her attituide towards wearing dresses. Feyre does not like wearing dresses, its not like she never got to wear them back at home even though she wanted to, she just doesnt like wearing them in her day-to-day life, but she feels like she has to because she thinks its what Tamlin wants and because she thinks that if she wears pants its gonna somehow signal to the citizens of the spring court that something is incredibly wrong. But again, she doesnt tell anyone this, she doesnt ask Tamlin if he can just explain to everyone that everything is fine and that Feyre just has an unconventional way of dressing, which he would probably be fine with if its still the same guy from the first book. And it doesnt even seem like Tamlin directly made any kind of comment to her about the dresses she wears, she just saw that he was happy when he saw her wear them, which couldve well been him being happy to see her in general but she doesnt even consider that

Theres also the fact that its very unclear what she wants/what her problem is. Now, this actually isnt something that bothers me that much on its own, Feyre is traumatized and lost, obviously she doesnt know exactly what she wants at this point beyond "the situation Im in sucks and makes me feels bad, I want to get out", I think what bothers me is mostly the knowledge that Tamlin is gonna get blamed for a lot of this stuff when its really not his fault.

And I do want to make it clear that I dont think hes doing a great job handling this situation, I know a lot of people in the acotar critical sphere find his actions understandable and justifiable from his perspective and thats true, but hes still doing a bad job handling Feyre's emotional state. Like, one of your beloved's main issues is that she feels horrible because she feels trapped at home, for the love of god just let her go outside on her own. Maybe send her to village thats far inland or close to the border to the mortal realm, surely those monsters are not gonna manage to come that far if youre all going on patrols to kill them as soon as possible. And even if they do, the people of any village are gonna bend over backwards in order to protect their capital c Cursebreaker, shes gonna be fine

But, to get back to my original point, even if Tamlin was a daemati or whatever like Rhys and could read her mind the way she needs it to be read, he would still not be able to figure out what exactly Feyre needs right now because she doesnt know it herself! I literally read all of her thoughts and I dont know! Does she want to help others and be responsible for a whole bunch of people because its what shes always known to do? Does she want to avoid resonsibility for now because she wants to recover from her traumatic childhood of having the responsibility of keeping her family alive on top of all the new UTM-trauma? Its hard to say and that makes sense for Feyre at this point in her life, but she cant just blame people for not understanding her when she doesnt properly understand herself and refuses tl verbalize her feelings

Anyway, thats it for today, hope you enjoyed this

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[madness-combat-confessions]

Okay idk if this is the most Obvious shit and im just slow or if theres been an ask about this or something but we need to talk about cloning and the AAHW more imo!!

If the thing about sanf and dei being previous members (and i think doc being confirmed?) then that begs many questions. Jeb and tricky were also members and we know their lore as past scientists for nexus and then jeb was "hired" by auditor and tricky too probably but we dont have a direct confirmation afaik but everyone else is just? Vauge?

Like either A) AAHW has people working for it that are not clones like the mass agents and soldats and engineers and they are never mentioned (which would be stupid imo considering how far we are into the story) or B) they are all clones that dissented which for deimos is yk not far fetched considering his poster outright stating it

BUT THEN THAT BEGS THE ISSUE ON HAND. Everyone that ive seen online considers the agents as personality-less fucking creatures and i think even canon says smt like that about them but like.. if a clone can dissent then they probably Arent as bland as they seem. And even that isnt far fetched, i mean they hold birthdays apparently and play games to pass time. How deep does it go? How much will do they have? They seem to be conditioned to never run when Hank aka (almost) certain death is around which is one thing but are they scared of death? Do they have favorite foods and colors? How human (or in this case grunt) are they? Is it just Some of them that have self awareness/personality? Are they coded to have a personality? If yes is it random or set? Would the AAHW bother to code a random persona generator?? Do they perhaps lose more of their indaviduality/humanity as they progress up on the food chain to be soldats or engineers??

Idk i keep seeing agents n shit in fics and stuff be shown as these sometimes mechanical creatures with 0 varying personality and 0 humanity and it makes me heavily wonder about them. Maybe theyre just a bit dumber than average due to being mass cloned? Shrug. I dont know i think theyre more interesting when considered to be actual people than just. Puppets. They are metaphorical and sorta physical puppets yeah but like they held a birthday man. Fuck. They had a birthday.

Agents keep me up at night.

-anon MMS if i can claim that cuz its funny /opt!!

Glad to know that I'm not the only one who also thinks about the AAHW!

I personally think/headcanon that basically everyone in the AAHW is a clone because anyone that could had been an actual real person is dead (lol). And idk how to explain it but from what I've read they lack S-3LFS, but they still are kinda like people? Like they might just appear like mindless clones who only wanna kill Hank, and they are that don't get me wrong, but I think they also still act like people to some extent (or at least some of them)

I mean one of the agents in MC 9.2 had been writing "We are abandoned " on a wall so to me that says they're capable of understanding their situation and feeling sad (?) about it?

Now I'm not sure on the engineers and the soldats, I mean a soldat literally blew a rocket where their team was because they thought their boss had told them to. Which makes me think two things

1: The AAHW is a bit too blindly devoted to the Auditor. Which is probably because they are clones that were made/'programmed' to be that way.

2: I think that the soldats and the engineers have less "free will" than the agents because of the ATP

There's also something else I wanna talk about

This:

Like hello? What the fuck did this guy do?

From my understanding what is considered a dissenter in this series is someone who goes against the Auditor and the agency. So what did this guy even do? Did he try to betray them like Deimos and Doc did?

Or was it perhaps something minor like not doing their job? Like actually make a decision for their own and don't do what the Auditor says for once, like how an actual person would do?

I wanna say that's a stupid reason to kill one if their agents, but it's a possibility: the Auditor is shown to not really take it kindly when people don't do their job, she literally sliced a grunt in half for it. Even though all the grunt did was play cards with some other agents.

I wouldn't be surprised if this was the case this guy was damned a "dissenter" and killed by the Auditor (or maybe the other members) for that reason.

So taken to account that they are soulless clones but can still 1: celebrate birthdays 2: play games to pass time 3: dislike their shitty ass situation I'd say that they have some personality, it's just that the Auditor is too strict to allow them to show/act like it. Because she doesn't want people with free will in the agency he wants mindless clones who'd do whatever she says.

Does this make sense I swear it does in my head I'm just bad at putting it to words.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

FINALLY, ive finished 25% of exile, the second book in the kotlc series. here are some thoughts i had :)

tags: @aylin-hijabi, @that-multi-fandom-hijabi, @tastetherainbow290, @nerdy-girl3791 (im tagging everyone who asked to be tagged in my notes for book one, but lmk if you wanna be tagged too / dont wanna be tagged anymore)

first off, why are second books in a series always the ones that take the most time / are harder to start? ig it could be that we've already established the worldbuilding n main characters, but its still that dragging stage between *where you already know mostly everything in the universe* and *where the climax builds up in anticipation of the "final battle" or the beginning of the third act, usually*. nothing to do w the book itself, just an observation

second off, alicorns are so much more important than being just "another species to save", im sure of it. theres wayyy too much of the council getting involved n talk abt how alicorns are sooo important. to anyone whos read percy jackson it kinda reminds me of the ophiortaurus (bessie) from sea of monsters, who seemed to be a recurring animal side character who turned out to have a lot of significance to the very universe they were in. im expecting smth similar, why else would everyone go to such lengths to ensure alicorns dont go extinct? or maybe im overthinking it lmao but what gives it away is the heckses literally tryna kidnap silveny-

speaking of the heckses, who the fuck tries to steal an alicorn. stinas parents are the whiniest bitches ive ever seen, and im a fifteen year old girl. like cmon ive seen some drama queens over the years, but those two- also, fucking stina. i mentioned before that i hope to see some character development w her, so shes not just the boring one-dimensional mean girl thats prevalent in literally every piece of media thats come out since mean girls w regina george. clearly not yet, tho, but im waiting on it (if it does not happen i will be majorly disappointed)

also, delving into theories now. its kinda far-fetched, but, was brant w the black swan ? i mean, it would add up pretty decently. it would explain why his guilt for jolies death runs so deeply (since grady rlly rlly seems to believe that the black swan killed her) because he would be with the literal organization that killed her. it would also explain reeeeaaaaalllllyyyy well why he recognized sophie. the fact that he knew her was wayy too emphasized to mean nothing. idk JUST A THEORY, its not based off of anything other than it would fit nicely w everything else.

but also if grady is so adamant that it was the black swan, and (hypothetically) brant is w the black swan, then would it be improbable to assume that he killed her? which would explain the guilt even MORE. but then again, he does seem to love her, so that last part is added very tentatively. (maybe he killed her by accident... but then would the note to grady three days before her death just be a coincidence? im sure that has some deeper meaning.)

maybe it wasnt the black swan who sent those notes to grady...

to end on a funnier note: alicorn poop. sophie faceplanted into alicorn poop. it happens to all main characters, it always has to be someone walking in at the worst moment. i thought id be the vackers w keefe who show up n embarass her, but who better than the council to get humiliated in front of ? i dont hate sophie i just laugh at her pain

i think thats all for the 25% mark, im gonna keep reading today. im gonna go to my grandmas house so maybe i can get a couple hundred pages in !!!

[edible-star-soup]

“how can i feel so much love for everyone around me but its not romantic”

“How can I feel so much for people but every time I think it’s romantic I don’t actually like them and I’m just delusional”

“oh”

“Yours must suck so bad. I can’t even imagine loving and feeling things for people but it never being romantic. I do like people on the infatuation level sometimes but because I analyze them so in depth there’s always something that icks me out. I don’t think I’ve ever really loved someone tho. I’m a firm believer in if you loved them you wouldn’t fall out of love with them. You can move on, but you’ll always love them.”

“we are so different”

“why?”

“just our beliefs and experiences”

“oh”

“maybe you need to stop analyzing things that are only there for you, see what theyre showing, instead of what you think you see”

“No I analyze what they’re showing. Cause when you ignore your instincts that’s when you get hurt.”

“oh”

“i dont go like psycho crazy in depth like learn their every aspect to analyze them. Just like the orange peel theory”

“the what?”

“You ask them if they’ll peel an orange for you, If they say yes, even if with hesitation, it shows that they will put effort in. If they straight up say no or make excuses, it shows they don’t wanna put effort in because that’s your job. Anyways I don’t know how to explain my thinking but like I don’t analyze everything. Like ofc there’s people that are date material I just don’t like them. Cause everyone has mistakes so yknow. It’s not like every little mistake or imperfection matters but”

“ill never get you”

“ill never get me either. Maybe i should just mess around and have fun kissing everybody like you do”

“idk man i guess i just feel like maybe im falling behind, i feel so much for so many people and i want to love them like a lover would and make them feel happy like a lover would, and i feel bad knowing that everyone will always have someone that will make them happier than i do. no matter what i do about it, i cant love them like they want. and its worse because someone will put into words all they want in someone to love and ill be everything they list but i just, cant love them”

“oh”

“no because i feel romance i fall in love with everything around me all the time and i know what its like to want and to love and be loved but its just not a romance like how others perceive it. i have so much feeling for absolutely everything, but its just not what somebody wants to be with, because i cant love them like they want, but i do.”

“I don’t know how to explain how I feel, I like people and there are people that I would date if given a chance but I don’t like them. I don’t desire to be with anyone but I crave romance. I don’t like people very often but on occasion I do, But I don’t wanna do anything about it because I’d rather sit with my feelings than lose that one ray of hope”

“oh my god were different”

“yeah were different”

“i think everytime we talk personally we get more and more different, or just find more differences”

“Like there’s nobody I want romantically but I WANT a love life. And when I do want someone I can’t do anything about it cause the only time I feel human is when I like someone and I don’t like not feeling human. i just float around. like a damn jellyfish. But when I like someone I feel like I exist. So I can’t do anything about it because if and when they say they don’t like me back they’ll disappear and I’ll be inhuman again. i dont know how to explain it better than that. i just want to feel man. Like ofc I occasionally feel real. But most things just don’t feel real at all.”

“i promise theres more humanity in you than just your feelings for others, if that helps”

[effervescentdragon]

Bestie i was thinking of and hot take to disagree about but it's difficult we usually agree on literally everything!! I cannot come up with anything hahahahhaha. So i'll try to stay generic. If i exclude Lewis and Nando to me the strongest drivers are in this order:

Charles

Max

Lando

Yuki (he desperately needs a chance nobody wants to give, it's frustrating)

George/Carlos equally

About oscar.... Well, for sure i expected something more.... Idk how to define it tbh

That said idk, do you agree or not? Hahahahha

Ana i fucking adore you this is SUCH a good ask! Okay okay i think i see what you mean and i do agree to some extent, however not with it all!

Id put max above charles on account that he still has 3 wdcs, however charles has never driven a reliable car at the same time max did. So i think two of them are more evenly matched because of max's experience in a reliable and unreliable cars both, plus i think you become more certain in yourself after you win. I dk think charles is the only guy who can actually challenge max, which i am hoping happens soon, so charlie boy's generational talent doesnt flicker away into nothingness.

Now. As for the rest. I agree with lando actually, out of the british ot3 aka 2019 rookies id say lando has the most chance to win a wdc. HOWEVER. idk what these long years in mclaren have done to him. Lando drives more instinctively imo, and has more raw talent, but george is really, really good at calculations. I think georgie might end up being better than lando if he just learned how not to fuck up the moments when he lets instinct overtake. Idk if that makes sense. Idk if this will make sense but to me, lando drives kinda like.lewis drove at the beginning and george drives like nico did. Ifs just the vibes i get from them, and its not a 1:1 comparison at all, but thats the closest i can come to explaining what i mean with a similar case.

Yuki is the only guy that deserves a no.1 red bull seat out of their whole lineup (excludong max obvs) and their whole academy. I will die on this hill and idgaf who says what. I used deserve on purpose (hehe) because i think he is the only one who has the determination, the talent, and the je-ne-sais-quoi (its the bastard. the bastard gene) to be rbrs no. 1 driver. I will gladly fight anyone who disagrees. He also needs a more reliable car to prove that and when he gets it, imma be decked out in proper rb merch w tsunoda on my back :)

Carlos... see, the thing is. He is good. He is really, really good. Reliable too. But i just genuinely dont believe hes wdc material. Not when hes going against max and charles and hell, even lando and george. Thats the tragic part for me. Hes been told his whole life hes good, and he really is, but.. these guys are just better. I hope he can prove me wrong, i hope its just a series of bad decisions to drive for "bad" teams, but idk. Lets see what he does in the future.

As for oscar.. im excited to see what he will do. He is INSANELY good, ive watched him in f2 and caught some f3 highlights too, and genuinely if it wasnt for lando's primary position in mclaren, i think oscar will still, despite that, give him a run for his money. Bcs i think he can only improve for here bcs from what ive seen... oh boy. Genuinely. Oooooh boy. I am super excited to see if he lives up to his potential. I think that might be what youre missing w oscar, this like, fight for being the 1st driver. Which i think isnt possible w how tightly lando is entwined w mclaren. Maybe? Idk.

So id accelt your sorting grid actually, because all of my adjustments are based on the best performance of all the boys. But there is some room for shuffling there. In the end i did agree w you. Damn. We did it again 🙈💜

[ghostofwriting]

love of my life by harry styles is also a song that i think rafe would put out on the album.

"i dont know you half as well as all my friends [...] maybe you dont know whats lost til you find it."

idk at this point every sad harry song makes me think of #them .

okay me. There are a lot of songs that make me think of them but none of them come close to Place In Me by Luke Hemmings which is why I chose it and keep mentioning it in the tweets.

I'm using this ask as a place to dissect it because my brain will not stop thinking about the correlation between the song and Rafe x reader. I didn't even base this fic off the song but it fits so perfectly so I HAVE to talk about it.

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancin' in the dark

"dancing in the dark" was his mindset during that whole era, he was on drugs, and his mental health wasn't doing well at all. It's not an excuse but he's finally coming to terms with how much he hurt her but he has nothing to stand on because he shouldn't have done what he did to her, there's no excuse. He's telling her in song to hold on, to listen to the lyrics for insight on how he feels because he doesn't know how to tell her any other way.

Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms, mm

He sees it now, now that he's in a better place mentally and he's clean, he can see the harm he has caused and what he has lost. "Heaven in your arms" obviously knowing that she helped him so much and he was so safe to fall apart with her, realizing his feelings go way deeper than he thought they did but being stuck. And of course 'heaven' to tie it back to 'angel.'

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before

Again, not excusing him but, he didn't know what he was doing when he said those things to her. He had his reasons, which I will expand on in the fic. He didn't mean to start this friction between them for all those years and make his friends choose sides. He realizes that he was wrong but again, he's stuck. She won't look at him how she used to.

Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart, mm

Speaks for itself, he tore her apart, he ruined her and he knows that now that there's clarity.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down, I I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now, now

This is him knowing that he's in the wrong for needing her because of how much he's harmed her. Y/n said that she couldn't believe that the person she had known since she was 10, the boy that he was at 13 would have done to her what he did to her. And he knows that. He knows what she thinks.

Sun's gone But you always liked this time of day No words left to play on How many chances does it take? Now with my eyes wide open I'm nothing but a fake

This verse explains how tied he is to her, how his identity is very much based on how she sees him and how he doesn't think too highly of his self-worth if she sees him as a bad guy. "No words left to play on" The fact that she doesn't give him the time of day, there is nothing that he can do to fix it with her.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me

You'll always have a place in me

I think the rest of this is pretty on the nose. That's why it fits so perfectly. He doesn't want her to leave, he wants a chance to start over with her but he's dumb and has no idea how to tell her that and is going about it all wrong. As well as the fact that y/n doesn't want anything to do with him. Had this been anyone else, she would have left their life and never looked back. He knows that and he also knows that she only tolerates him for the band. In a way, he's lucky because without the band he would have never seen her again. He's very limited in what he can do to get her attention and ask for another chance. He also just doesn't think he deserves one. Selfishly though, he wants her to stay with him forever, even if it's at arm's length. even if that means she never talks to him again. Because she will always have a place in him.

Anyway thank you for reading to the end of this if you did. I love this song, I love Luke, and I love how well this goes with Rafe's pov.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

so, i dont really know exactly how to word things right so please bear with me while i try to explain a bit.

i think i have bipolar disorder (or something similar, im still looking into things), but i dont know if im just going crazy and imagining things. theres not really anyone in my life i can talk to about it to gauge their opinion, so im kind of left by myself to deal with it.

i dont have a trusted adult or loved one i can go to for help, and ive not been to a doctor since probably 2017 at the latest so im not even sure who id be making an appointment with to discuss anything like this. ive considered trying to get myself into therapy but im afraid that if i go in saying that i think im bipolar and have other mental illnesses (im about 99% certain i have anxiety and likely some sort of depressive disorder too, but that might be more linked with the mood swings of bipolar) that its the wrong way to go about it? like, i might just be really ignorant but i dont think thats how therapy works is it?

basically im worried that if i go in saying the disorders i think i have, then theyll tell me im exaggerating or that i need other people to back me up or that i do need to see my gp doctor (which, again, i dont actually think i have one) or that it isnt my place to try to diagnose myself etc.

im not really sure what im asking here? maybe if you have any advice/experience about what therapy is actually like or what i could expect? or a better way to go about getting help? i really dont know honestly aha, sorry

Well, you've definitely come to the right place lol, I've been to and ghosted many a therapist! (Don't ghost your therapist!)

Actually, recently I started therapy again and it's been a great experience, so let me tell you about it. Warning: I live in the US, so if you live elsewhere, it might be different.

When you start therapy, they're going to ask you a LOT of questions. Lots about your background, your childhood, your feelings, etc. It'll feel a bit invasive, but make sure to be honest! Like brutally honest. Like if you're like...'I might be feeling this way but idk if I'm faking..' tell them that. They need to know everything.

Then, if you're a minor, they'll talk to your parents and get their insight. If you have issues with your parents, make sure to tell them that BEFORE this part happens, so they can take what your parents say with a grain of salt.

Last, they'll give you a 'tentative diagnosis.' This means that this is what they think you have, but it's not a die-hard medical diagnosis. They'll treat you based on this, but if you ever wanted accommodations in school or anything for it, you would have to go to a clinical psychiatrist to get it written up.

Here's the thing: the diagnosis my surprise you or even make you feel invalidated. If it does? Tell them that. Because, two things: One- they may have gotten something wrong. Or two- they need to know if you aren't understanding something fully.

To be very personal, I am diagnosed with both depression and anxiety. When I started therapy recently and again got those diagnoses, I wasn't surprised. But I also was told I have 'illness-anxiety disorder' which is the new term for a hypochondriac. I was super insulted because I was picturing the stereotypical hypochondriac who fakes illnesses for attention (this was uneducated of me) but my therapist explained that this version of anxiety more means that I have a lot of anxiety related to being nervous to get sick or the results of getting sick. Which was like- oh. yeah. I do panic every time someone sneezes on me. My therapist said this has become increasingly common since COVID.

All this to say it sounds like seeking out therapy might be a great way for you to get the answers you're looking for. But even if they're not the answers you think they'll be, remember that your feelings and experiences are still extremely valid and no less real.

<3 <3 <3