#i may talk about him later. because i really like this project in particular

[netzieart]

[CW: BLOOD, GORE, other things please check the tags] I was in a silly candy gore mood

I had a lot of fun drawing those pieces! I guess there's just something about neon candy colors that make me glad just to look at them. So tasty

[fiddlefordisms]

Canon Details and Analysis of Fiddleford McGucket Part 2

See the first part here

Let's flash-forward to what we know about Fiddleford after college. At some point, he got married to Emma May Dixon, and they had a son together (Tate McGucket), they live in Palo Alto, and Fiddleford seems to be self-employed: McGucket's Computermajigs. Now, don't get me wrong I enjoy Fiddauthor quite a lot (and I'll give some in-depth analysis and theorizing and thinking of possibilities about that particular relationship in that context at the very end), but I want to focus on Fiddleford's character and what we do know about his wife and child.

We know from Journal 3 that Fiddleford keeps a picture of his wife and son on his desk because he says it helps keep him "grounded." It's very important to note that this picture includes his wife - if they really wanted to imply that Fiddleford's relationship with his wife was on the rocks, they could've easily made it just a picture of his son. We know that Fiddleford must have had strong feelings for his wife because in the Gobblewonker episode of Gravity Falls, Old Man McGucket claims that when his wife left him, he built a pterodactyl-tron (building giant death robots is something he does when he's upset or wants attention). If he was wanting to leave that relationship, he would not have been upset about her leaving him.

In another page of Journal 3 when Fiddleford quits the portal project, Ford writes about how he should "go back to his doting family." This tells us that while Fiddleford and Emma May did have a fight over him not getting her a Christmas present, Ford still somehow had the impression that his family was "doting." I think it's important to point out that Fiddleford has been erasing his memories since the Gremloblin incident - and the fight scene with his wife happens very shortly before the big portal test. We know the memory-erasing gun has side effects. So, anytime Fiddleford "forgets" something should be looked at as highly suspect and indicative that his memory-erasing gun is affecting him.

We know that Fiddleford must have been a good father before he left to work on the portal for Ford via context clues. In the show, despite Tate's original home being in Palo Alto, Tate chose to pack up his things and live in Gravity Falls where his mentally-addled father now lives. He chose to do that and seeing what became of his father, even though he's the town's biggest embarrassment with a reputation for being a crazy old man - chose to stay. In Shmeb U Unlocked, we're informed that Tate is extremely intelligent and capable of predicting lottery numbers.

He could literally go anywhere he wanted if he wanted. And yet, he stays in Gravity Falls where his father lives. He must have really loved his father despite it being so hard with his father's mental state and the fact that he has every right to be angry that his father left. We know that Fiddleford must have really loved his son because of that picture on his desk, because much later even with all of his memory problems, he still remembers his son, and he's desperate to spend time with him, and in the end, they're able to repair their relationship and spend quality time together.

Now, let's talk about a couple of details that I think a lot of people overlook. During the stargazing scene in Journal 3, Fiddleford mentions offhand that he'd like a place where "the screen door ain't broken." I think this is a VERY interesting detail because it makes it sound like Fiddleford's business hadn't quite taken off yet and that he might have been struggling financially because he can't afford to get his door repaired.

This opens a doorway into a theory of mine that Fiddleford is being paid for his time as Ford's assistant. Now, we're not told this outright in Journal 3, but I think we can gather this from a little thing I like to call context clues. After all, Ford probably thought the exact nature of payment deals for his assistant didn't need to be included in his research and personal journal. There's nothing interesting about it. Additionally from a narrative standpoint, it might have come across as looking like Ford had to bribe Fiddleford to help him, and that's not the vibe they wanted for Fiddleford. They wanted to emphasize that these two are at the very least good friends and that Fiddleford is the type of person who will set aside his own personal projects and self-sacrifice to help a friend at a moment's notice.

We know from the show and Journal 3 that Ford was given grants to study the anomalies of Gravity Falls. Presumably, this money would not only cover the costs of field research equipment and a research base (the shack) but also money for a research assistant if needed.

Fiddleford's wife would have to be the most permissive, most doormat wife in THE HISTORY OF EVER to allow her husband to go up to Oregon to work on a project leaving her to not only take care of her son by herself but also have to pay all the bills and rent/mortgage by herself. We know this is not the case because she (rightly) did NOT let it slide that her husband forgot to get her a Christmas present.

Fiddleford would not have had much time to work on his own business while working on Ford's portal. At this point in his life, he has his mental faculties intact, he's proven time and again to be considerate and sweet (Alex Hirsch even refers to him as a sweet soul). He's big on making thoughtful gifts, he wants to help others (in Journal 3, he is seen fixing up the ferris wheel at the carnival where he meets Ivan, although it was definitely wrong - he had good intentions in wanting to help people with their bad memories, even in the show - Old Man McGucket shows up in the sap-hole with the dinosaurs having fixed a broken lantern - Fiddleford is exactly the type of person who would see a broken-down car on the side of the road and pull over and get out his toolbox and help that person out), and he loves his family very much. He would NOT let them go unsupported and floundering for themselves while in his right mind.

So, this leads me to believe that to help convince his wife to let him help his old college buddy with his project, he'd be getting paid for his help. Ford likely would've found this reasonable and might have suggested it himself if Fiddleford expressed wanting to help but not being able to leave his family without any support. It probably wasn't a lot, but it might have been a bit better than what he was currently drumming up via his own business. This could also be why Ford is so adamant about referring to Fiddleford as his assistant in the journals rather than his friend.

Do I think his wife might have still had some reservations about her husband going to Oregon and could be a fertile field for argument later? Yes. Absolutely. But I think the fact that she let him go in the first place and the fact that Fiddleford is self-employed rather than more conventionally employed generally shows that she was a supportive wife and trusted her husband.

I absolutely DO NOT think, as some have posited, that Fiddleford abandoned his wife and son (especially his son whom he dearly loves) to have a "Brokeback Mountain" situation with Stanford. That is a terrible misreading of Fiddleford's character AND the situation. Again, Fiddleford is the type of person who HELPS people, and how much more so for someone who is likely his best friend? Not only that, but his FIRST EVER friend. A friend who Fiddleford probably knows has been alone in Oregon for years and who also has a hard time making friends, a friend who probably doesn't call him enough because he's "busy" with his research (Ford even says in the journal that he "has no choice but to call Fiddleford"), a friend who is probably stubborn about asking for help who is asking HIM (the guy who helps) for help?

Fiddleford might even already be worried about him.

And this is a "project" - a project has a beginning and an end. Fiddleford was NOT expecting to stay in Gravity Falls. He was going to go there, help Ford, and then go back to his family whom he loves. I'm not saying complicated feelings couldn't have arisen (again, I am a Fiddauthor shipper), but I am saying that Fiddleford didn't go to Oregon because he was running away from marital problems with his wife (on an additional note - people are free to write what they want - But what is WITH bisexual erasure and villifying / ignoring female characters? I mean, just because she wasn't in the show or talked about much doesn't mean we should do female characters a disservice) and intending on cheating on her.

Because again - A) He loves his family (family photo on his desk which doesn't exactly scream "Make sweet love to me Ford") B) His anxiety issues C) His empathy - he doesn't have the narcissistic traits cheaters generally have D) He's likely Catholic and all the religious hang-ups with that - (also adultery being a sin is mentioned waaaaaay more than homosexuality) E) The hostile time period for queer folks.

Also, Stanford "I find romance baffling" (Journal 3 - stargazing scene) is probably one of the biggest indicators that no cheating went on (but I'll throw you "cheating Fiddleford" headcanoners a bone much later on in which I think a possible "cheating" scenario could have realistically occurred - and I'll tell you my reasons for why I personally don't believe that happened either, but I'll begrudgingly accept a "possibility" and let you guys go nuts with the idea.)

More to come in later parts.

[acourtofthought]

Lol you're hilarious. Everything about the story and SJM's recent online activities AND the articles point towards elriel endgame but y'all will only stop when elriel is announced I guess.

Anons like this are always better than a cup of coffee because wow, do they wake my brain up in an instant.

Articles pointing to an E/riel endgame? You mean articles written by journalists who never sat down with SJM and who never even spoken to the author or Bloomsbury regarding the content? Articles that were factually incorrect, one originally claiming that SJM was the author of the Elemental series with a hyperlink to a different authors Amazon page? Journalists who definitely are not more qualified than Sarah's own best friend who is on record as saying she doesn't think E/riel is happening?

Also, if we're really claiming her posts as possible clues of which we have zero evidence they are, those clues suggest Elain more than any ship.

Bloomsbury tweeted flowers and fire (not stars or a night sky). Which actually would hint at Lucien over Az.

She had the book of flowers displayed during her live. It's cute how some tried to claim there was a black bat on the spine of the book but alas, it was a blue petal.

She wore a Bambi sweater with flowers during an IG and yes that sweater was on a black background but only because that's how the shirt is produced. I'm sorry but you can't be so ridiculous as to think that the author would want to wear that particular sweater (something she's owned for years as it was mentioned in another article from way back when) but second guess herself because the black background it was already on might have people thinking it hints at Az.

The Spring story had nothing, NOTHING to connect to Az but if you recall from the actual books, Lucien is permanently stationed in the Spring Court.

Let's break down the Az clues you're so confident in.

She was writing ACOTAR 5 in September. She was already into the process to the point that she was obsessed with the book, that it felt like having a crush, that she was so focused on it she didn't even have time to make a treat for her childs school. So that probably means she was at least a few chapters in? A third in? In February, about 5 months later, she did a fan made bracket (that did not include Lucien). and said Az was someone she'd be exploring more in the future.

She wrote the current version of HOFAS in a month. If she had already been working on ACOTAR 5 and had already spent 5/6 months writing about Az, why would Az be someone she wanted to explore more in the future? Shouldn't she have already explored him in e/riels book?

The post where SJM went up North to draft and stopped in front of a small body of water in the middle of the mountains? Guess what, Koschei's LAKE is hidden in a forest, surrounded by mountains. Illyria is not the only place in their entire world with mountains and pine trees. Also, Vallahan is surrounded by mountains on the map! Places SJM could easily have written about in this next book, places more connected to Lucien, Elain and Vassa. And as mentioned above, she said she was up north to draft. It is now 7 months since she did the Live interview talking about how she was working on ACOTAR 5. Chances are, whatever she was up North drafting is not ACOTAR but her next project.

Onto Guilty as Sin. My point mentioned above twice still stands. Why are you assuming it made her think of a book that's probably already written rather than a book she may be working on? Maybe it gave her the feels for the LoA / Helion's love story as they were forbidden lovers who were not yet lovers in their youth. Sarah has often spoken about wanting to write an ACOTAR book set in the past, maybe it's time for theirs. Mor heard rumors that the LoA waited before agreeing to Beron's proposal, after having met Helion at an Equinox the previous year. Helion claims that he heard her family wanted ties to power. At that time (before they ever had an affair), the LoA and Helion would have been forbidden because he had no real power. If you recall, he only became HL during Amarantha's reign after she killed the HL of Day and most of their family. Or maybe she is writing about the Seraphim from 500 years ago, before the first war. Where Miryam and Drakon fell in love when she was with Jurian.

Would it honestly make sense for her to be excited about a song that she just heard for the first time three days ago over a book that should be finished save for maybe final edits?

I like imagining how these things might hint at Elain and Lucien too, it's fun in this drought of ACOTAR info. But I don't have such blinders on that it makes me unable to consider other possibilities.

Stop claiming you see the whole picture when you are only selecting the puzzle pieces you like best. Trying putting the entire thing together if you want to have a chance at sounding like you know what you're talking about.

You guess we'll stop when e/riel is announced? You mean the ship that ended on Solstice, the ship Elain did not shed a single tear over the way she cried for Graysen (someone we know that she loved)? Elain returned Az's necklace and never once looked like she was struggling with moving on. What kind of Elain stan are you, having Elain daydream of being with the guy who rejected her and couldn't confirm real feelings to his own brother? Are doormats now the rage?

I think I remember the Bryce / Az shippers saying the same thing, how we'd see when CC3 was released, but guess who was victorious on that front? The people who believed Bryce was ending up with her mate.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Trinity, Pt. 7

Next, we get to see something that we have never seen before, which the show could not and went out of its way not to show us before this moment, and which we will not see again for a long time after this. We see a truly private moment between Sheppard and McKay, both completely unguarded, how they are around each other when there are no people around. As discussed previously, it seems like Sheppard's quarters are removed from where most people have their living spaces, in a tower in the part of the city that had been inhabited by the Athosian refugees before they relocated to the mainland. But even so, as we shall soon see, Caldwell's presence on Atlantis is still felt even during this private interaction.

We see Sheppard come to the door of his quarters and open it, and we do not know whether McKay had somehow alerted Sheppard to his presence, whether Sheppard just knew he was there, or whether he had simply been on his way out of his quarters and McKay had been waiting for him. It does look like he was on his way to just open the door. Regardless, McKay had come to Sheppard's quarters specifically to have a conversation with him. He sounds slightly out of breath, like he is either nervous or had exerted himself on the way there. While Sheppard seemed exhausted during the meeting and we have seen several indications that he has been sleeping in his jacket, he has now removed that at least, wearing a black shirt. He looks sad, as he opens the door. His eyes are soft and full of sympathy.

Let me point out, to start with, that once more they do not greet each other. There are no hellos, how are yous, what are you doing behind my doors. The two of them have an on-going conversation that never ends but is only temporarily put on pause when they have to vacate each other's company, and so they always just pick it up as though it had never ended, as though they had never said good-bye. McKay does not give Sheppard an excuse for why he is there because he needs no excuse. No "Hi, I just happened to be around" or "Hey, I was wondering if you have a minute" is required because they both know that they belong together, that if there weren't a hundred different things making it impossible between them, they would never be apart from each other. And so, McKay gets right to the point:

McKay: Harry K Daghlian. Sheppard: Who?

Interesting here is that McKay picked Harry K. Daghlian as his example, as while he was the first to die on the Trinity project, the so-called "demon core" that killed him also killed another man. What McKay tells Sheppard about Daghlian is not true. He fell into a coma following his accident and died three weeks later, never waking up again. But the other scientist, Louis Slotin, died a much more agonizing death from an accident that resembled what happened to the Ancient device, and he at least tried to make something good come out of his accident. Slotin was a Canadian scientist whose background does bear some resemblance to that of McKay. At the time of this death, he was hailed as a hero that had saved the lives of his colleagues through his brave and selfless actions but the story has since been revised to admit his reckless behaviour while "tickling the dragon's tail," using improper and unsafe procedures, endangering others in the lab along with himself. Some good did come of his death because it led to removing the human element from criticality testing that has since been made using remotely controlled machines. The fact that McKay chose Daghlian as his example rather than the man that more resembled him and this particular circumstance but whose actions may not have supported the point he was trying to make does tell us something.

Now, as McKay is talking to Sheppard it seems like Sheppard does not say anything. Some people might interpret this as Sheppard being angry at McKay for something when there is really no reason for him to feel any anger whatsoever toward McKay at this time. He feels sympathy, if anything, Sheppard wishes there was something he could do for McKay. He does not enjoy seeing the other man in pain. Sheppard is not quiet because he is angry or because he has nothing to say, he is quiet because this is how they communicate when other people aren't around. They do not need words to say things. McKay is talking using words because he has things to say that he had rehearsed for this precise moment, that he wanted to tell Sheppard. He needed to say the words. But Sheppard is not being quiet. He is responding to McKay using his eyes in a way that he knows McKay can understand. They are having a dialogue here.

McKay: He was a scientist, worked on the Manhattan Project at Los Alamos. He was only twenty-six years old. Accidentally irradiated himself while performing a critical mass experiment on two half-spheres of plutonium. Sheppard: Yes, and? McKay: Took him a month to die. Sheppard: Okay. Very sad.

McKay: While his body was slowly shutting down from radiation poisoning, you know what he did with his last thirty days? Sheppard: Obviously not, but you're about to tell me. Go on, then. McKay: He worked. Sheppard: Oh, okay. Of course he did. McKay: He tried until...

McKay: ...his last breath to understand what had happened to him so that others could learn from the tragedy, so that his work, his death, wouldn't be rendered meaningless. Sheppard: Your work isn't meaningless, Rodney.

McKay: Now... have you considered what would have happened if they'd just shut the Project down after that? Sheppard: This is different.

While "This is different" are the first words Sheppard says out loud to McKay, the whole point of this scene is to show us their wordless communication, their closeness. That bond that is closer than that even of a task master and a trainee, that bond that is deeper than words. This isn't Sheppard stonewalling McKay, this isn't Sheppard having nothing to say, this isn't Sheppard not bothering to say anything, this isn't Sheppard being too cool for school to talk. This is them having a full conversation. Sheppard says only four words out loud but he says much more than that, and McKay can read him, knows what he is saying that he isn't saying. This is that unsettling ability to read each other's thoughts. When Sheppard finally does say words out loud, his tone is soft. This is how he speaks to McKay when no one is around to hear them. You can hear the love in his words, the sympathy, how much he feels for McKay.

McKay: Is it? Collins' death is a pointless waste of life unless something comes of this, and I am not sure that I can... Sheppard: Don't. McKay: I think I know what happened.

Sheppard can hear the pain and anguish in McKay's voice. One wouldn't need to know McKay half as well as he does to be able to tell that he is not alright. Seeing McKay in so much pain and not being able to do anything to help him is breaking his heart. Now, as McKay implies that he may not be able to live with it, to live with his guilt, we see Sheppard blink. Sheppard himself associated blinking being near the breaking point in Poisoning the Well (S01E07). Previously, we saw him blink when he thought McKay had died on the Ancient satellite platform in The Siege (S01E19). McKay does not say it, he never finishes the sentence. He is not implying that he would take his own life, merely that he does not know if he can go on. But the mere implication that he might not be able to go on stabs an icy sliver of fear directly into Sheppard's heart. There are many things that he might be able to protect McKay from if he really put his mind to it. McKay simply giving up may not be one of them.

But then, just as soon as he has allowed Sheppard to see the full extent of his pain, McKay seems to shift gears. He wants to fix this, he needs to fix this. And clinging to this hope, Sheppard lets him know that they are in this together:

Sheppard: Let's hear it. McKay: Can I come in? Sheppard: No.

This is the most interesting thing to happen not just in the episode but possibly on the entire show. This is such a strange thing to say from a team leader to team member or from a friend to another. Here is a man who has just lost a colleague and is clearly in a lot of pain and wants to talk about it. He asks if he can come in and talk. If Sheppard was his team leader, it would be his duty to let McKay in and have a talk. To talk this over with him. Seeing to and assessing McKay's condition for the field is something that Sheppard should be occupied with, it is his duty as team leader and it is something we saw him do to both McKay and Teyla in The Gift (S01E18). And if they were friends, it would be the kind thing to do. Again, there is no reason for Sheppard to tell McKay this, to not let him in, if they are just colleagues. Either he is being a huge asshole for no reason, or he was doing something illicit in his room that he did not want McKay to see, had someone over that he did not want McKay to see (of which we have zero evidence), or he just generally wants to keep his quarters as a private space (we see people in his quarters later plenty of times, and we saw Weir walk right into his room in Home S01E08, so this is not true either). Maybe it was really messy that day, the maid had a day off. What ever.

This scene, this exchange MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE unless they have a history of having been romantically and sexually involved with each other. The only reason for Sheppard to not want McKay to come into his quarters and to tell him no, and for McKay to accept this without comment or argument, is if McKay knows what the reason is why Sheppard does not want him to come in. And that reason is because the last time McKay had come in (likely between Duet and Condemned), something had happened. Something had happened of which Sheppard did not want a repeat, not just then. They were both much, much too emotionally fraught at that moment for anything besides heartbreak for both of them to have resulted from Sheppard letting him in.

Because the previous time, the previous time McKay had come knocking on his door to talk they had ended up in bed, having sex. That is a thing that happened. We see an echo of this in every scene with the two of them in Sheppard's quarters from henceforth in how Sheppard always needs some kind of a barrier between himself, the bed and McKay like he fears that if he isn't holding a golf club, hiding behind a magazine they will end up having sex again. That is the only explanation for this exchange. And here, Sheppard was afraid that it would inevitably happen again if he let him in, and with Caldwell around he could not take that chance. And he knows they would both just feel worse as a result. It might make them forget for a few hours, but it would not make the pain and the guilt and the sadness go anywhere. They would still be there, after. He did not want to feel used like that. He wanted it to mean something, like it had before. But he is not unkind as he tells McKay no.

McKay: The Ancients had it wrong. Sheppard: I can't believe this. McKay: Our mistake was using their equations. Sheppard: Are you serious? McKay: Look, I just did the calculations again myself. I did them three times just to be sure and I am positive the problem is in the automatic containment protocols. Sheppard: OK, what's your fix?

McKay closes his eyes briefly as Sheppard tells him no, clearly both pained and frustrated by this. And it is not the fact that he is having to explain his theory out in the hallway that is his problem, it is that Sheppard does not seem to trust him. While he told himself that he had not come here for comfort, he had only come here to get Sheppard to support his proposal to continue the work, his need to be comforted could be seen from space. He tells himself that he had not come for that but he certainly could have used it. He wanted to lose himself, to forget if even for a moment. He had not come here for that and Sheppard did not seem to trust him because they both knew where it would, inevitably, lead.

McKay: I am proposing that we adjust the field strength manually. Sheppard: You saw how fast it spiked on you.

And this is Sheppard's problem. This has been Sheppard's problem all along. How quickly it spiked on you. What might happen to McKay and how quickly it might take place. How dangerous this is to McKay. How McKay is being reckless with his own safety, and how helpless and out of control Sheppard feels about this situation.

McKay: So we don't operate the generator at anywhere near its potential. Look, there's no need to be greedy. Even operating at fifty percent, it'll still generate the power of a dozen ZPMs. Sheppard: How come the Ancients didn't figure this out? McKay: Maybe they were caught up in the heat of battle. Maybe they thought they needed as much power as they could get. Maybe they weren't smart enough. Sheppard: And you are?

It might be easy to take Sheppard's question here as evidence of McKay's hubris. Sheppard does confess multiple times over the years that he thinks that McKay is arrogant (it's not a deal-breaker for him) but that unlike the Ancients, McKay sometimes had good reason to be arrogant and that unlike the Ancients, he always tried to fix his mistakes. But Sheppard interpreting McKay as arrogant is largely projection on his part and it is especially this, his feeling of inferiority when it comes to intelligence, of not being the smartest man in the room that McKay is in, that causes him to feel this way. But like McKay tells him here, he does not think that he is smarter than the Ancients. He can freely admit that. What McKay refuses to admit is that he is desperate, just like the Ancients had been desperate, and in this he may well be repeating their mistakes. Admitting to himself that he is not as smart as the Ancients is easy, admitting that he is driven by guilt and desperation is more difficult. That is a mirror he has not dared look into yet.

McKay: No, I didn't say that, but I have the benefit of hindsight. They didn't. Sheppard: McKay, how do I say this... McKay: Look, this is big. Sheppard: Big? What's big? I like big. McKay: This is the wheel, the light bulb, the hot dog big. Sheppard: Did you just say "hot dog"?

You can see that this is where Sheppard changes his mind. It is not the mention of the hot dog, although he does do a double-take on that since it is both an unexpected thing to say and very McKay at the same time. Trying to appeal to his All-American sentiments. But this is the first time since the accident that McKay sounds like he isn't just doing this as an act of penance, as self-flagellation. Like he actually believes in this. And Sheppard wants so badly to believe in McKay too. He is conflicted in wanting to give McKay anything at all that the man might want and to protect him at all costs. Of doing what is right by McKay and keeping him safe. Sheppard is a worrier, like he told Ronon. And it isn't just out of the goodness of his heart that he is this way. Sheppard is haunted by his own past mistakes and it is because he knows the pain of loss that he is this way, that he treats McKay as he does. He should loosen his grip. He should learn to let go. He should trust McKay.

Sheppard: Best case scenario? McKay: I win a Nobel Prize. Sheppard: Worst case scenario? McKay: We tear a hole in the fabric of the universe... which is much less likely to happen than the Nobel Prize. I mean, look, the risks are nothing compared to the potential benefits. Elizabeth will listen to you. I have never asked this of you before, but I think I've earned it. Trust me.

Now, because McKay mentions the Nobel Prize here as the best case scenario, some people take it to mean that that is his motivation, that he is doing this to stroke his ego and that he really wants the recognition. But that isn't true. In First Contact (S05E10) Daniel Jackson mentions that McKay probably could have won the Nobel Prize many times over, and maybe that is true. But this is a dream that he had knowingly given up when he had taken up a career in contracting for the military. If the Nobel Prize, if recognition and adulation of the masses were important to him, he would have chosen something else. He might have become a Dot-Com millionaire like his counterpart in SG-1 episode The Road Not Taken. Contracting for the military, he gets to be at the cutting-edge of scientific research and is guaranteed funding but the prize that one has to pay for this is giving up an illustrious career, giving up fortune and glory for the chance to make a difference.

And McKay had made this choice long ago. He is not hankering for the Nobel Prize. He merely presented this to Sheppard as the best-case scenario. And note that he did not specify Nobel Prize in Physics, either. He might have been referring to the Nobel Peace Prize, the Nobel Prize. McKay really, truly thought that this technology could be used to end all wars. That it would usher mankind into a new Golden Age. That it would safeguard this galaxy from the wraith, and help them undo the mistakes that had led them to their current circumstances. That if there was no need for war there would be no need for militaries and the two of them could just... be. That is his best-case scenario.

Now, McKay is asking Sheppard to talk to Weir on his behalf, believing that he will be able to convince her better than he can. And it is true that Sheppard has much more expertise in maneuvring Weir into going his way. But the way McKay goes about this is interesting. He tells Sheppard that he thinks that he has earned his trust. Because McKay well and truly believes that he has to earn trust, that he has to earn love, that he has to earn acceptance from people. He believes that it is through his deeds that he gains worth, and that he has performed enough feats of brilliance for Sheppard that it has to be worth something, it has to count for something. He has tried so hard to earn Sheppard's respect, his trust, his love. He has been working to this end almost ever since they met. But at the same time, the way he says "I have never asked this of you before" contains the belief that he is entitled to ask. That he is within his rights to ask this of Sheppard. That they share a tacit understanding of the ties that bind them together and that it is the love that they share that obligates them to both give and to take in turn.

But because Sheppard does not think like McKay does, this isn't what he hears. He does agree that McKay has earned his trust. He has earned his trust by being there, at his side, unwavering in his loyalty. McKay has always come through for him, and he does not think about the things he has managed to do so much as the fact that he has always given it his all, has been willing to do the right thing even at the cost of his own life. McKay tells him that the risks are nothing compared to the potential benefits, and he wants to believe this to be true. Not about the experiment, but when it comes to the two of them. McKay has saved his life over and over again. McKay has kept his confidence. McKay has seen him at his most vulnerable and he in turn has been allowed to experience the same with McKay. Of course he has earned Sheppard's trust. He should trust McKay. He has every reason to trust McKay.

McKay is not the problem.

Continued in Pt. 8

[horrorscoupes]

speaking of hush

i know the “hush is a shade” theories are already RIFE on here, but i wanted to suggest my own idea for some variety :] (timestamped as always)

as an avid lover of the sovereigns and all of their shenanigans, there have been a few things gnawing at my thoughts for quite some time:

1. if the sovereigns under the river used the inversion as a feeding frenzy to glean more power than they typically would get from the natural progression of death via the river (“Was this your plan all along? Not to invade—but to feast? How much stronger will this harvest leave you? How long before something greater than Shades breaks loose?” [All Along 30:36]), then why, almost two years later, havent we seen ANYTHING else about that?

2. When Min’ara and E’Laetum are discussing the things that “lie bound in Death” they say this particularly interesting thing: “Their Prima seeks freedom from their prison.” “Give him a new prison instead.” [Held by Ancient Gods 5:29] which, of course, has always been assumed to be referring to one particular sovereign separate from the bunch

obviously this could be way off the mark, and i’m totally game to accept it if i’m wrong here, but i wonder (since they very easily created daemons and then, once rebelled against, experimented on humanity until they created vampires and empowered humans) if during their time in jail under the river, the sovereigns began to create something else. brachium refers to something “greater than” the shades that ravaged the E&E games during the inversion, which leads me to believe he was either talking about the sovereign themselves escaping OR that he referred to something else created by the trapped sovereigns to use kind of like they use shades to carry messages out of death (“Crafted, by what lies beneath the River, made out of the magic they siphon out of the waters. When they first climb back into the realm of the living, they’re weak. Running on pure instinct, draining anyone close to sustain themselves. To build up their strength. If they get enough, they become tangible, like this one. And if they get even more—a lot more, really gorge themselves… they start to actually remember their purpose. To be a messenger. An envoy. A voice, for what lies beneath.” [Blakes Truth 13:30]).

it’s been two years since the wolf/vamp storylines have seen the inversion and still we haven’t heard anything about the re-emergence of the sovereigns, because i really don’t think that the power absorption was solely to start breaking out. obv we don’t know where hush falls on the timeline just yet, but i think the fact that we also don’t know where certain people (project meridian cast, vega, regulus, blake to an extent, etc) were the night of the inversion is ALSO very important and interesting. <- i can talk about how weird and intriguing it is that we haven’t seen anything past inversion for vega and regulus for hours </3

so, if they’re using all the energy for creation rather than destruction it would have been incredibly smart to leave hush core-less. he isn’t a daemon, and without a core he has no threads linking him to aria. this means that not only can his powers be tethered to the metric fuck-ton of power that the sovereigns just absorbed by killing 1500 empowered people, in order to “rift” (idk what to call it. or if he did at all. anyways) he wouldn’t have to pass through the meridian at all.

so if he IS a new creation of the sovereigns forged from their power and energy, then it would make sense that E’Laetum and Min’Ara may want a bite out of him. they are starving and rotting away alone between terra and aria, and he is looking like a snack. which brings me to my second point: do E’laetum and Min’Ara want someone to bring them hush (in this theory a piece of the sovereigns waning power) to tide them over and perhaps lure a sovereign out of death? that’s a little bit of a stretch (and so is my theory linking hush and project meridian), but think that it’s something we could all stand to consider.

ALSO sidenote: i think that hush surfaces after the inversion while D.U.M.P. is still spinning over all of the deaths and distrusting the Chorus, hence why the deaths of several “articulates” (erik tell me what this means NEOW) seem to be going completely ignored/unnoticed. during the aftermath of inversion, D.U.M.P. and the Chorus are not friends, and it would make sense for them to overlook d(a)emon deaths while they’re still trying to decide if the Chorus knew that the inversion was coming

sidenote #2: the spellsong, which i’ve seen people questioning, has been defined as the binding between magic users and magic/daemons and aria/magic users to one another/magic to the world. to Me it seems like a somewhat broad term used to fill spaces, since no one in universe really knows where magic came from in its entirety. daemons use the term most often in canon, describing it as something they can “hear,” hence why i defined it as the binding between magic and the world. (“I can hear them. Every voice in the spellsong going silent. Every emotion being felt inside this… trap.” [Voices Gone Silent 5:08], “Your kind is a part of the Spellsong. Our harmony. And even if time has made some of my people callous, we still feel the loss of any voice, be it demonic or human.” [Comforted by Your Demon 14:15], “Most of the Chorus was… genuinely horrified to hear what had happened. They’d felt those losses. Heard those voices in the Spellsong as they went silent. Our people don’t always get along, yours and mine. In fact, I’d go so far as to say they usually don’t. But there’s a bond there that neither of our people can deny. And in those that I could read, they felt that pain.” [Consoling an Elemental and an Incubus 27:27], and “When you bit into him and he bit into you, your blood met each other’s cores. Each of your spellsongs met a counterpoint.” [You Bond With a Vampire 19:45]) <- these are the ones i found on short notice, i would be beyond thrilled to add more quotes to the collection

this is by no means me trying to shit on other theories, i think it’s so wonderful that we’re all here guessing. stay curious

[kuroshika]

[ primavera, 03×02 - long analysis, script annotation, and character discussion below the cut ] || [ tags :: @lesbian-hannibal @shatteredlesbian @craqueluring ] || [ why are my scripts slowly losing quality :( ]

—————

the main-focus of this episode is the aftermath of mizumono { 02×13 }. it starts with will's nightmare of the ravenstag that we can now safely assume is how will's mind perceives the ripper — as he says, he can feel the ripper, but he can't put a face to the name. the ravenstag, which follows hannibal's (or the ripper's, if you want to get technical) kills, appears to will in his empathic vision, which is of antony dimmond and hannibal's broken heart. will was, partly, half a victim to the ripper, which might be why he sees the stag — and why he doesn't see hannibal, because though he knows the two are one and the same, subconsciously, he denies the connection.

as he later says to chiyoh, the ripper left him with a smile — a cut so precise, a gutting so clean, that it was easily repaired. hannibal didn't mean for will to die in that kitchen, just to bleed beside the body of their daughter. to watch his blood pool with hers as she embraces death - his punishment, to blur with abigail and carry her with him. abigail's voice, who we now know is really dead, pulls him out of it.

this is still part of his vision. he starts off by telling her he feels closer to hannibal here — not here, in the church, with the ripper's tableau to him in front of him, but here in his mind palace as he surveys the murder. in this scene in particular, he's defending himself to the memory of abigail - telling her that he feels close to him, despite what he'd done; telling her that he wouldn't know where he'd be without him. but that's the thing — she's only the memory will has of her. his subconscious. he's defending his feelings for hannibal to himself; here in his mind palace, it's the surface of will's mental curtains trying to appeal to the shadow beyond them.

abigail asks what will believes the tableau is about, what he believes hannibal is trying to tell them. he says it's his broken heart — his way of showing remorse for what he'd done, of showing how will's betrayal had affected him as well. the skepticism from abigail is a mirror of will's - but now, will knows better. hannibal knows him intimately, and will can recognize that, and he voices that to abigail. she tells him that hannibal misses them, but will, as portraying his surface level, doesn't agree.

instead, he tells abigail that hannibal has always had multiple motives for something — one of which always being his amusement. he's saying that maybe one of the factors is that hannibal misses them, and maybe a few more might be that he wanted to lure will in, or that he wanted to toy with will — that he was playing with him. it's something he can believe, both parts of him.

this is where i remind you that the abigail will is talking to you doesn't exist. she's nothing but a memory, a projection of himself that he's trying to appeal to.

he asks her if she still wants to leave with hannibal - which is a clue that he's talking to himself, because he knows abigail can't. he's asking himself if he honestly still wishes to run away with hannibal, and of course he does. trying to assuage that thought, to keep it out of mind, he tells abigail that hannibal took her from him. it took me a while to understand what he meant, if we're going off my idea that abigail is will trying to bargain with himself, but i may have an idea.

i think what abigail represents, like i said, is the shadow beyond the curtain. will's rare gift — he gave it to hannibal, and in mizumono, hannibal cut ties with him. he gave that rare gift back. he gave will the feeling of autonomy, of being in control of the shadow beyond his curtains — and by luring him to italy and taking up space in his mind palace again, he is taking will's gift once again and taking away his sense of normalcy. he's taking away will's comfort in his own skin, pushing him into his becoming.

will is beginning to feel guilty for what he'd done — the surface of the curtain is ruffling, just for a moment in sync with the shadow beyond it. he aches for what could have been, what should have been — what he could have had with them. he's looking for comfort in himself.

i think it's really interesting when will says hannibal made a place only for abigail — "a place was made for you, abigail. the only place i could make for you." if we're still going by my idea that abigail is will's shadow, this means that hannibal had made a place only for what lived behind the curtains; he'd been sure of tearing them down and disposing of them, and taking only the will behind the curtains into their new life.

this is where will begins to bleed into the shadow beyond the curtains. his resignation to the fact that hannibal had built only one place for him, his ache to run away with him regardless, has pushed him through the curtains to embrace himself.

the cut opens, and blood pours out. the image of her is dying — the divide between the surface and the shadow is disappearing, blurring into each other, and will doesn't try and stop it this time.

this is his becoming.

and, of course, who else is there to watch his becoming than hannibal? he's embraced the shadow, pulled those curtains aside and let the light in. his focus becomes less on himself and more on the man who drove him to it.

hannibal, projected by will's mind, allowing him to watch as his final push sends will off the (proverbial) cliff.

once will has mentally put abigail to rest, we're sent to a series of flashbacks. it shows will clinging to life and abigail succumbing to death; finalizing will's punishment from hannibal and setting the pace for the entanglement of will and abigail.

abigail's preparation and will's hospital visit are smashed together in intercut flashbacks, showing the differences between them.

will's is quick, rushed and rabid; a desperate bid to save a life. abigail's is slow, thorough — which is a mirror of their injuries, even; abigail's throat cut in a quick motion and will's abdomen gutted in slow, precise drags. she is taken apart while will is put back together — another mirror of the treatment they endured from hannibal, with abigail being made a place in the world and will's curtains being taken down.

their operations are performed in near reverse of each other, with will being sewn up and returned to normal, and abigail being deconstructed and laid to rest.

they finish on the same note — which, oddly, is the pluck of a cello string, which seems reminiscent of tobias and his methods of killing. maybe i'm reading too far into it, but ending abigail's life with a cut throat the way tobias played the orchestrator's vocal chords like a cello — while tobias was meant to be a mirror of will, and abigail was his daughter? i'll probably have to do a deeper analysis of that.

and then will comes to his senses in the church.

what makes me further believe that the conversation with subconscious-abigail was will's becoming is how will responds here. the lines between he and hannibal have blurred — he doesn't know where he ends and hannibal begins. he's stepped into the ripper's mindset for this tableau, and he can't step out, because that's where he's meant to be.

he even looks, again, in the murals for hannibal. even after the betrayal from both men, the urge to be seen by him — no matter the reason, but especially as he's profiling — is still there.

[pain-in-the-butler]

I hope this question doesn't bother you, but I wanted to ask you a bit about that weston arc rewrite you mentioned once in your tags? Like, any kind of info is welcome.

Hi again, friend! It's not a bother to be asked things like this in the least! And I'm definitely excited to ramble about my writing, so thank you! Here's some bare bones of what I've thought up for this AU so far:

Cricket's O-U-T. Yana did fine with the sports angle, especially in retrospect (at the time, everyone was sick of it), but I want to focus on character drama because I think it's juicier -

Instead, I'm changing the angle of the Weston arc to consistently be about the school's social dynamics, with the emphasis on becoming a prefect's fag like it was in the canon arc's first half -

Being a prefect's fag in this AU means automatically becoming a prefect when the prefect graduates (can't remember if this is what it means in the canon story). Therefore, these positions are sought out by students who care about the hierarchy to any degree -

Maurice Cole is going to have a slightly different role this time around. He's not Redmond's fag yet but he wants to be more than anything. As a second-born son, he sees it as the one chance he'll get in life to feel what it is to have an inheritance, and so he and that enormous chip in his shoulder covet the position like anything -

I want Cole's villainy to be much campier. Instead of threatening actual violence and humiliation, he merely threatens to kick boys out of his posse. However, he has pretty big plans for the school — plans that would make particular students want to stay in his good graces... -

Students in different dorms will get along and become friends. The standoffishness between dorms was really just there in the canon to make it easier for Yana to hide certain details until later down the line, but it doesn't actually make much sense. There won't be so much rivalry this time -

While I'm going to try not to venture fully into Dadbastian territory, I do want Ciel and Sebastian to examine their relationship more closely following the Campania incident and consider what they would feel if the other was out of their lives forever. Is Ciel just a meal and is Sebastian just a loyal dog? Or do they actually maybe care about each other's well-being? I wonder.................. -

Sebastian wouldn't be a professor this time! Sorry, but I just never bought him becoming a dorm master so easily. Where'd the old one go? Do the Blue House students not see Seb's arrival as weird at all? Don't they have any loyalty to their last dorm master lol?? The idea's frankly too underdeveloped -

Instead, Sebastian is going to work in the Blue House kitchens as a chef. He isn't very excited about being so out of the way from the action, but Ciel has his reasons for wanting him there... -

The student body will talk about Derrick Arden going missing as if it is an actual big deal. But there will be more details that muddy the waters around Derrick's disappearance... as well as revelations that come to light sooner than they do in Yana's telling -

Now for the biggest change: it will be addressed to the reader from the get-go that Ciel is pretending to be his brother. I have always wanted to explore what it would be like if we knew from near the start that Ciel was faking his entire identity. The Weston arc may not take place close to the beginning of Kuro, but I think it's as good a chance as any for me to showcase how revealing Ciel's identity early on pointblank has a lot of potential for drama and character building

There's a lot that I haven't really decided yet, to be honest, but there are also a few twists and tricks that I would LOVE to mess around with. I kind of let my stories slowly incubate over time, though, so I hope when I actually get to writing this, everything will be in place and I can just go for it. It should be a very fun project, if and when the time comes...

Thank you for asking! I hope this answer piqued your interest... though it'll probably be another two years before any of it gets written lol 😈

[graceisprettygreat]

Any thoughts on the relevance of the vlr characters post ztd true end as in like how do phi and sigma talk about the ones no longer with them how do they think about them does sigma try to make any of them again do they look at Junpei and think about Quark I honestly don't know how to word this I just hope you get what I mean qwq also yeah this is coming from me struggling with my wip akshsk

i do get what you mean! and i wont claim to be the foremost expert on them, my starter thoughts (i may ramble refined thoughts to you later), are these - phi i think, wants to be in control of her life again. i feel that becomes her primary motivating factor, at least shortly following the decision game. or. finding the terrorist rather, if you go with that being true. dio, good fucking riddance from her existence. i think in true end would not have any particular warmth for luna - sad as that is- being a GAULEM and a facillitator of the ab project, even if she didnt want to be. and while she was shown to care deeply for quark throughout the game - and i think she would think about quark when thinking abt junpei, and feel a pang of guilt that quark never got to experience a 'normal' life, despite the fact that they created a world where rad6 didnt get out - ultimately she would for at least a while want to distance herself from everything morpohogenetic, to feel that sense of control. i dont think that would last long however. once youre in, youre in after all. these are the only people who can understand her. those who lives were wrested away from them by this *bullshit*. but im getting off-topic. i think in her otherwise good relationship with junpei, relating to each other a lot, there is some distance created by knowing him as tenmyouji first and foremost. as for kyle, its interesting. because she never met him in the 'true' path of vlr. but she DID get all her memories. i think she would feel a pretty strong sense of. sorrow perhaps? for him. that his life was entirely FOR a nonary game. that he had no choice from the moment he was created. its fucked. she defintely thinks about him sometimes, her connection to him. and pours one out for him. luna thoughts are probably what i have to cook the most on here next ill look at dr. klim. who, oo ill have messy messy messy feelings on. i think his primary focus is two-fold. securing that this is indeed the future he strived to create. he would make sure everything is as it seems. this would include confirming his. eugh. son's assertions of the terrorist. secondarily, is spending time with diana, time that is so sorely limited. time where he looks at her and how much he sees diana and how much he sees luna, even he is not sure. i think he couldnt feel much remorse for those he involved, or would have involved, in the ambidex project. he has to hold ardent the belief that all he did is necessary. i think he mourns kyle deeply, but would make no attempt to recreate him. i think it is something that would be too painful. the person he neglected, and created as a tool, there is no way to recreate him. luna, i think he would wish to see this world, something shes always wanted, but would feel conflict, considering diana is alive and well. i truly dont know what hed do, but i think hed be very torn in half about it and last, and also least, tied for least, sigma when he returns. he is discombobulated as hell. he's back here, now in the timeline where things are solved. arriving after its all 'over' and he just has to take in, that this is his life now. his connection to diana and phi. it feels bizairre. i think unlike what dr klim must make himself not feel, feels tremendous guilt for what he would have done to alice and clover. to junpei. to quark, even though they dont even exist here. to how he treated luna. and kyle. to phi. its really hard for him to navigate every relationship here, i feel. he'd WANT to give everyone from vlr a chance at life, he thinks that would be ideal. but doesnt know if he can learn to make luna. learn to make a CLONE. if those two could even shift in to their bodies here. overall, i think his story when he returns is one of a lot of internal conflict over actions he hasnt done, will now never have to do, but still hurt people. if i got too off topic lmk and i will do my best to rein in focus and actually answer your questions haha. i also. could be so offbase! this is not my expertise! but i love to help regardless

[know-the-way]

Miss Fisher and the Crypt of Tears Discourse(?)(maybe idk?)

So… at this point I’ve watched the entire 3 series and film. Twice. I was going to post episode reactions for series 2 and 3, but I really need to skip ahead to Crypt of Tears because I have… questions. If anyone knows the answer or potential answer to any of them, please weigh in because I am just… struggling to understand some of the narrative decisions they made here.

(Btw, overall I enjoyed it, so I don’t want it to seem like I’m coming from a solely negative perspective - obviously, the last 5 minutes in particular… talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same, etc etc. I may do a separate ‘things I enjoyed’ post. I just needed to talk this out. lol)

****Full warning, this is a very long post, I am so sorry in advance.****

1. Alright, first things first - wtf do you mean it’s been a YEAR since she left Melbourne?! What was she doing that whole time? Like obviously, you could infer that she got caught up in local shenanigans and hadn’t seen everything to a satisfactory end yet, but I feel it would’ve taken maybe 1-2 minutes to just briefly explain that for the audience’s sake.

I also totally understand that they were attempting to make a stand alone project that could be independent of the series, so referencing where the series left off would be antithetical to that. HOWEVER, I think at the point where fans of the series invested $1 million… that should have maybe made tying up loose ends from the series a bit more of a priority?

I also saw that they hoped to garner new audiences from the film. And maybe it’s just me, idk, but - I’m a new audience and the only thing that brought me to the film was the knowledge that I had 3 seasons worth of backstory to immerse myself in beforehand. There are very few scenarios in my mind that would’ve had me watching just the film and nothing else. So… help.

2. Similar to question 1 - SIX WEEKS?! Where was she for six whole weeks? How did she escape the train? Was it like a Bear Grylls situation out in the desert for a while or did she have to barter with local villages or something? Just again… 1-2 lines of dialogue and I’d be good. Instead, I’m just sitting here confused like, “okay cool, I’m super glad you’re alive and stuff, but um… HOW?!”**

(**acutely aware that this is how Jack must feel all the time) (and he deserves a pint from the pub for his troubles ‘cause omg)

3. SPEAKING OF JACK - *r2d2 screech* This poor man. Jesus. How many times does he have to grieve the love of his life? It’s kinda rude at this point.

I’ve read articles with the writers where they talked about wanting Phryne to be strong and independent without emasculating Jack as a character. And I remember thinking, “Yes! They do such an excellent job of finding that balance in the show and it’s really satisfying. It’s one of the things I love most about their dynamic - the freedom to be themselves while still having this very strong collaborative connection.”

^These scenes, though? Whaaaatttt happened? 🫠 I don’t think it emasculated him, but Phryne’s almost non-reaction to him being there… grieving her... it comes off kind of insensitive and perplexing at its bare bones, to me.

Upon a few rewatches of that scene, I’ve been able to slowly formulate potential justifications for her behavior - i.e. she did tell him to come after her and he didn’t, so maybe she lost hope on her end and dove into the first perilous mystery she could find to help herself get over him. Thus, when she finds out he’s there for her memorial service, I could see her inwardly going, “Okay wow, it took me dying for you to make any moves whatsoever. Cool. Good to know I’m only worth the trip if I’m not here anymore. (Hence, the ‘And I’m very sorry that I’m not dead!’ line later.)”

Which would be a fair point, imo, and they do have a track record of just… infuriating miscommunication, but ultimately… it’s all still hypothetical. We aren’t given any actual, spoken insight into her motivations or feelings in regards to Jack (the smallest glimpse we get is her teary eyes outside the door at his guesthouse along with the “damn it, Jack” line). So, without any further follow-up clarification in the film - at face value, that scene is harsh and almost callous imo. And, despite their many conflicts in the show, there was never once where I felt they weren’t at least making an effort to understand each other. Like there is never a point in the film where they take a moment to acknowledge the time lost between them. They don’t get to have that (necessary) release of emotion and mutual understanding (there’s no nightcap moment), so it just feels incomplete.

4. I promise not to make all of these redundant, but the quicksand scene. Obviously, I love it ~*for reasons*~, but I found myself once again choosing a side (Jack’s)???? Which, throughout the entirety of the tv series, I never chose a side between them ‘cause I could always understand both of their perspectives. In this scene and the reunion scene, I’m left confused both times about Phryne’s perspective. Maybe because Mac isn’t there to pull the full truth out of her just afterwards? That’s probably it.

But her lumping Jack in with “any other man” she doesn’t need to explain herself to - either that was a fear response or a flat out dishonest one. Girl quit playin’… we all know he’s not just any other man and we all know he has never tried to change you or take charge of you. Please, the bottom-leaning switch vibes that come off that man… he LIVES for you telling him what to do. He doesn’t want to control you, he just wANTS TO BE BESIDE YOU. GOD.

I so didn’t want to be frustrated with Phryne (I love her**) and I was honestly upset that I was, but there was just something… missing in both these instances for me (vulnerability maybe? idk) and I can’t quite get it to add up. It really probably was a lack of Mac, though.

(**again, Me 🤝 Jack, complicated feelings for a complex modern woman, we’ll both be at the bar if you need us)

5. Last one - “Is this your idea of sweet nothings?” “I thought they were out of the question?” “They are. Continue.”

Did I miss a scene where they laid ground rules for their partnership going forward in Shirin’s case? Or was that something that was cut/not included? Because… if there was a scene of them discussing that before Jack agreed to stay… that would have taken care of most of what I said above in and of itself.

(But no fr… did I miss a scene? Is my copy broken? Help?)

Gonna Leave on a Positive Note, because if you asked me if the below scene made it all worth it, I’d have to say yes:

[dk-wren]

Week 4ish - 30 Days of Buddy Daddies

Welcome to the final round of my responses to the 30 Day's of Buddy Daddies tag! Thank you for all your support on these posts and @yuraamar for creating all these fun prompts. Let's do this one more time!

Day 22: Favorite Drawing from Miri's Diary

I love how this diary entry either suggests Miri woke up later in the night and got to properly celebrate Papa Rei's birthday or this is what she had planned (before she got too tired to wait for Rei).

While it might be more an expression of surprise, I also kinda love how Miri drew Rei with a big smile.

Day 23: Which Actor/Actress Would You Have Liked to Voice the Characters

In all honesty, I don't know.

Yes, I really enjoyed all the voice actors' performances and couldn't imagine anyone else voicing these characters. But also, Buddy Daddies was I think my 5th or 6th anime, so I have yet to really identify and/or follow any particular VAs to say I would have liked them to voice this character.

Just for a further Yuri on Ice reunion, maybe Junichi Suwabe as Kyuutaro(?), but again idk.

Day 24: Crossover

Not so much a crossover, but rather, something I hope exists in the Buddy Daddies universe is Animal Crossing. (There's Mario Kart/Morio Kart in the Buddy Daddies world, so I think it's possible) This just feels like a game the whole family would love and could somewhat play together.

I can totally see Miri loving to talk with the villagers, decorating her house, and catching bugs/fishes. Rei enjoys doing these things too, but I can also see him grind for hours just to make sure Miri has all the bells/supplies she needs when she plays to buy whatever she wants (perhaps this is how Rei spoils Miri?) or make any furniture she wants. I could even see Kazuki casually playing Animal Crossing. He may not be a gamer, but I think even he could learn the basics and not be too overwhelmed.

Just something about Miri, Rei, and Kazuki playing Animal Crossing together seems like a really cute idea.

Day 25: Things You Would Like to See in Future Projects

Something I would like to see in future projects is Kazuki, Rei, and Miri actually finding the place that became the Dining Nest. Did Kyu or someone else find the place for them, did they hunt for this place on their own, and when/why exactly did they choose to open a diner rather than like a shop or some other business? I'd also love to know if the first time they entered the space, if there was an immediate feeling of "this is our home" or did it take some time for them to adjust to the place and make it feel like truly their own space.

As many people have said before, I fully want a beach day story too. The art Lily recently posted of Rei and Miri finally bringing home a cat also makes me want to see this storyline further fleshed out. Gosh, there's probably a bunch of other things I would like to see, but honestly, I just want to see more peaks into Kazuki, Rei, and Miri's daily life as Miri grows up and as Kazuki and Rei fully(?) leave the organization behind them

Day 26: Playlist

I would like to start by apologizing for my music taste because it unfortunately (for you probably) means that this playlist is basically show tunes. Either way, hope you enjoy the songs and my very brief explanations.

Kazurei Vibes:

Rei Vibes: (Trust me on this one, pls)

Final confrontation vibe (Rei singing, but replace "man" with like "dad"):

Day 27: What Made You Watch the Anime

The first anime I really got into was Spy x Family. Because there were a lot of initial comparisons between the two series, that grabbed my attention. I thought to myself, well I quickly fell in love with Spy x Family, so why not give Buddy Daddies a try since it seems similar.

The two animes I had previously gotten into and watched in the fall (SxF and Chainsaw Man) finished their seasons right before Buddy Daddies began airing. This was another reason I watched since I no longer had a weekly anime/show to watch and to help me keep my sanity because of school.

Funnily enough, I really do think it was because Buddy Daddies kept coming up in the SxF tag here that I watched this anime. Like I legitimately do not remember watching the trailer for Buddy Daddies until way after I got into the series.

Day 28: What Would You Change About the Story

Maybe not change, but I really wished more of Kazuki's past with Yuzuko could have been explored or touched on.

For reasons made clear throughout the series, her death, as well as the death of their unborn child, clearly left an impact on Kazuki for a long time. The circumstances alone are tragic, but to have even a little more information about Yuzuko I feel could have made her death even more emotional and tough for the audience. We really only know Yuzuko as Kazuki's ex-wife, so I kinda have to agree with those who have discussed her death really just being a plot device.

Given Kazuki's sorta self-deprecating humor/behavior and past, he definitely seems like someone who does not view himself as highly as he should. And this behavior is likely not a new development after Yuzuko's death, but a habit he’s had for most of his life. So, to see him be open with Yuzuko would be really sweet because she seems to love him as he is and not what he could be. Also, just to see Kazuki be open/vulnerable for the first time in his life, which we see happen again with Rei and Miri, would add to the parallels and give the audience more information about what make Kazuki feel safe.

Day 29: What Message Would You Leave to the Creators and All the Anime Staff?

Thank you thank you thank you!

This series was such a fun watch. I fully went into this show thinking it was a comedy, but loved the emotional and serious moments. The blending of the two tones was really well done and almost felt complementary. Like it's talked about in the show, light and dark walk together and coexist with each other.

Maybe it's just my nature, but I fully and easily fell in love with Rei, Kazuki, and Miri. The development each character went through, especially Rei, in 12 episodes was really incredible. With Rei and Kazuki, their growth felt earned and natural. I also appreciate how their growth is not linear. They learn and make mistakes and keep trying to figure out what it means to be their individual self and a papa.

And going off of that, the central idea of change and if people can change was just so well done. I feel that "can people change?" is a question many ask and you all did such a great job of illustrating yes, you can change, but again, it's not going to be over-night or easily earned.

If it's not been made clear yet, my love for this show is just so big and it’s really got a firm grip on my mind/thoughts. Like literally, this show was life altering since it caused me to develop another interest that I have just so much love for and am deeply obsessed with.

I hope you all return to this story in the future and add on to it. But if not, I appreciate all the work and love you put into these 12 episodes. Truly incredible stuff.

Thank you again for bringing this series and these characters into my life! - Dakota Wren

Day 30: Incorrect Quotes (Free Day)

I've been collecting a bunch of random "incorrect quotes" for a dnd campaign I'm currently in and had a bunch of fun pairing them with those characters. So, now just gonna bring a few of them over here to further create some Buddy Daddies madness.

Kyu, knocking on the door: Kazuki, open up. Kazuki: It all started when I was a kid. Kyu: That’s not what I- Rei: Let him finish!

Rei: Surgeons just stab people to life Kazuki: Please never become a surgeon...

Kazuki: Bold of me to constantly use the phrase 'no worries!' when I am, in fact, constantly full of many worries.

Kazuki: How did none of you hear what I just said?! Rei: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Miri: I got distracted halfway through. Kyu: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

Kazuki: Why is Miri crying? Rei: She saw a leaf on the sidewalk and- Miri: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY! Kazuki: Please don’t say what I think you’re going say- Miri: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH! Kazuki: NO, NOT THAT!

Day 31: Episode I Wish I Could Rewatch Again for the First Time (2nd Free Day)

If I could rewatch any Buddy Daddies episode again for the first time, it would be the finale.

The first time I watched the episode was while I was working (yes, I was that impatient I couldn’t wait until after my shift ended), so I had to split my attention between doing my actual job and watching the episode. I would love to just sit and watch the episode again for the first time with my undivided attention. Not being at work would’ve also meant I could’ve fully lost my cool throughout the episode because there were several moments throughout that I was fully screaming in my head.

Not only that, but to just relive so many of the moments again. Rei and Kazuki driving up to the Suwa Manor like maniacs, bursting through the front door together, the kitchen scene?! And also seeing Miri be so indescribably happy to see her Papas wall into her concert. I’m not sure if I ever talked about it, but during my first watch through, I fully thought the episode was going to end with Miss Anna taking the family’s picture, which is followed by the title card. So my shock to see a grown up Miri was through the roof. I didn’t ever want to see how much of the episode was left because I just wanted to enjoy it. It made me so unbelievably happy that the epilogue kept going to show more glimpses into the lives of Miri, Rei, and Kazuki several years into the future. To watch the epilogue again, with that same feeling of oh my gosh there’s more?! would be amazing.

And that’s a wrap for me on the 30 31 Days of Buddy Daddies tag! I had so much fun and loved that this allowed me to continue to show my love for this anime. Can’t wait to see what’s hopefully next for this family, but like I said above, if we’ve already seen the end of their story, then I’m happy with that being so too.

Thank you again for coming along with me on this tag! It truly means a lot to me!

-Dakota Wren

[original-orbus]

Argo chapter 3

This takes place about 2 weeks after the events of the last chapter, skipping over the Meeting. JSYK. And yes, it is in a new characters perspective, because I love my little blorbos and will keep adding more perspectives until I blot out the sun. Several Characters in this Chapter belong to my ex Husband, however its my weekend so they get to appear in my story.

This takes place at camp Jupiter.

Being a Child of Zeus is honestly not all its cracked up to be, Sure you may be Top dog among demigods, Reigning supreme over most demigods you meet. However this means that you will always be held to a higher standard, elevated above it all and left to exist all by yourself, without anyone to support you.

For Ashara, This was how she lived her life. Always having to be the strong one, the protector, the 'King'. Of course for those she had to protect, she would always go the extra mile, never abandoning those who relied on her. But she always wondered as to who there was for her to rely on? Sure she could always talk to her brothers, but would they really understand her Problems? Would they be able to provide anything other than just someone to vent to? It didn't seem so.

And so Ashara continued to Lock in, Fighting, and Sacrificing, and supporting, all the while feeling the Storm rage more and more inside her. It was only a matter or time until it overwhelmed her.

As the Storm grew louder and louder, Ashara would begin to distance herself to protect those she cared about. After all, she couldn't bear the thought of harming her family during an 'outburst'. She began throwing herself into her training and battles to forget her woes, become more and more acclaimed for her performance in battle. And before she knew it, she was being considered as a future Praetor candidate, having stacked accolade after accolade in the first cohort.

Today of All days, Ashara had been taking a rest day when she received a summons from the Fourth Cohorts Centurion. To her surprise, upon arriving to the meeting, she would discover a familiar face. Her baby brother Sebastian(Son of Athena), having grown into a fine young man. Upon seeing her now matured brother, for the first time in years, she couldn't help rushing forwards to embrace him.

Sebastian, as if expecting this, let out a gasp as his sister slammed into him with force of a big three. He would return her embrace, leaning his head on her shoulder like he used to do, before they separated all those years ago.

"I missed you too.." Sebastian would gently whisper, letting the embrace last until they were both ready to let go.

It would be almost 2 minutes of silence before Ashara would pull herself away, her eyes still moist with her tears of joy. She would once again take in the sight of her brother as if for the first time, taking notice of all the small signs that her brother was doing well for himself. Soon, she would force herself back into her prior state of calm, suppressing the storm threatening to break free.

"I apologize for that little outburst, We can catch up later." Ashara's voice would resonate through the meeting room, filling the space as was her birthright. "I believe you probably didn't summon me just for that."

Sebastian would shift his demeanor in response, switching into business mode. "That would be correct, I don't know if you've heard anyone else talking about it, but a group of people from Half-Blood have recently begun formulating plans to build another safe haven." After finishing this first statement, he would grab a folder from the top of his desk, and opening it to a certain page. "This group of people have proposed purchasing and repurposing an old boarding school on the outskirts of Chicago. They have extended an invitation towards me, hoping to make use of my particular skillset to further develop this project. Argo, they call it."

Ashara would listen intently to the information recited by her brother, connecting them to some rumors she had overheard from others in her cohort. She hadn't really taken the rumors to heart, since it wasn't something that really affected her at the time. Now, it was a different Story.

"Do you plan on accepting their invitation? It could be a gamble whether it all works out in the end." She was trying to think about it logically, sure the concept itself had potential, but gathering a group of demigods to somewhere without sufficient protection from monster might just end up backfiring.

"Well, that's the thing, I was hoping to accept, and bring you and Aaru(Son of Hypnos) along for the ride. I don't think this place is all that good for you, I've seen the effects its had on you, and if you came with me, you could practically guarantee safety for the group, and perhaps even find yourself somewhere to truly call Home?" Despite Sebastian's business tone, there was hint of hope to his voice as he voiced out his thoughts. While he and his sister had been unable to meet for awhile now, he would occasionally hear and see news about his sister, and the role she was expected to uphold, as a daughter of the King of Gods. Perhaps it was a foolish wish, but he hoped it would be enough.

Ashara would contemplate her brothers words seriously for a couple moments, weighing the pros and cons, when she would feel a pair of unknown presences begin to approach the room. Without saying a word, she would swivel on her heels and turn to face the door, preparing herself for to defend her brother if she needed.

After a few moments, the Presences would stop outside the door, and knock gently, a woman's voice speaking up as the knocks came through. "Excuse us, we are looking for Sebastian Bellona, we were told we would be able to find him here? We're here for the Argo Project."

"Oh yes, just one moment." Sebastian would perk up as he heard the feminine voice ask for him, and would give a look of assurance to his sister as he stepped past to open the door.

Two demigods would be visible in the doorway as the door opened, a man and a woman, both seeming to be in their 20's."Oh hello there, you must be Sebastian? Its a pleasure to make your Acquaintance, my names Josephine, and this is my partner Kenneth." The young woman named Josephine would offer a gentle smile towards the child of Athena in front of her, before tilting her head slightly to catch a glimpse of the person waiting deeper in the room. "Oh, apologies, I didn't realize you had a guest."

Ashara would perk up upon being addressed, before speaking up in a tone that once again filled the room. "My name is Ashara, I'm Sebastian's Older sister. Daughter of Zeus, but something tells me, you aren't surprised by that." Ashara would step forwards to get a better look at the two demigods. At a glance, she would try to take in the two's aura, however Kenneth's aura would be too feint for her to catch. "I didn't realize I was going to come face to face with a Poseidon child today. Perhaps this Argo project will go better than I expected."

The Daughter of Poseidon would give a quick glance back to her partner, before offering another smile to the kingly woman in front of her. "Argo is a project me and Kenneth have been working towards, for quite a while now. And while I will take a good chunk of the credit for its eventual success, it would be unfair to discredit my partners contributions. If it wasn't for Kenneth's help, I do not believe this project would have progressed quite as efficiently."

Kenneth would remain silent as Josephine spoke, before making a small gesture with their hand, seemingly releasing a seal on their aura, causing a pulse of darkness throughout the room for but a moment. "Sorry, my power likes to keep itself hidden. I'm Kenneth, Son of Hades." As Kenneth spoke, Ashara could feel a subtle shudder down her spine, as she unconsciously began to reevaluate them, her kingly aura growing in response.

Meeting a child of Poseidon was rare enough at Camp Jupiter, but to meet a child of Hades was no small thing either.

"I see.. Its nice to meet you. I am certainly more confident about joining this project of yours." Ashara's thoughts would be running about a mile a minute as she looked at these two powerhouses in front of her, Perhaps feeling a little bit of hope towards these two? Could it be that maybe they were like her? She would have to learn more to confirm.

"I suppose you and Sebastian probably have quite a bit to discuss, so I think I should leave you to it." Ashara would have loved to be part of the discussions, but she could feel the tempest inside begin to roar as her aura acted up, and decided to step away to calm it down.

"If you don't mind, Ashara, would you mind showing me around?" Kenneth would speak up as Ashara made to leave. They were hoping to take a look at some of the campers at Jupiter, but felt it would be better to go along with someone who had been established at camp, so as to not disturb the status quo.

As Kenneth spoke up, Josephine would give him another glance before looking towards the son of Athena. "It looks like its going to be up to us to iron out these plans, I look forward to working with you." Josephine would speak politely towards Sebastian, before coming closer to the desk and to the folder laid out upon it.

"It would be my pleasure." Ashara would respond politely as the two began walking towards the door, her mind already running through the best places to show off.

And with that agreement made, the two would step out of the room together, to embark on a tour of the premises.

For most of their walk together, Kenneth would mostly stay silent, just observing and listening as Ashara described the various places they visited, only really breaking their silence to ask clarifying questions, as well as inquire about some of the campers they saw. It was only when they began climbing the Temple Hill that Kenneth really broke their silence.

"If you were to join the Argo project, what do you hope to achieve? Me and Josephine have our own goals, but surely someone like you has your own motivation?" Kenneth would come out of the gate swinging with their question, planning to get straight to the point since they were further out of the way and less likely to be interrupted.

Ashara would be caught slightly off guard at the question, though at the same time she felt it was bound to come up. She just hadn't expected him to bring it up so suddenly.

"What I hope to achieve huh?" She would ponder the question for a few moments, letting out a breath as she sorted through her thoughts. "To be honest, What I hope to gain isn't all that unique or special. I spent all of my demigod life here at Jupiter, but most of that time has just been spent fighting, and training, and leading, Perhaps maybe I can create a new home for myself at Argo? Somewhere where I can actually live a life, if that makes sense?"

Ashara's words would seem to spew out once she began, unable to stop herself. Maybe it was because she saw a potential partner(?) in Kenneth, that she said more than she had intended, more than she had really told anyone, even her brothers.

Kenneth would nod along to her answer, tilting his head to the side as he thought over her reason. All things considered, it wasn't that much different that Kenneth and Josephine's reason to start all this. Though her answer did give him a flash of inspiration, as he suddenly pulled out his Iris Phone and typed out a quick message towards Josephine, Simply writing out -Argo Academy- and hitting send.

"I think your answer is pretty respectable, and it actually might have helped us come to a decision as to the direction to further develop Argo. I'll have to talk with Josephine about it once I get back, but it might pan out. We've actually been at a bit of crossroads lately, unable to figure out exactly what kind of place we want to make, weighing the various options." Kenneth would offer her some sorta praise as he slid his phone away to give his attention back to Ashara.

With that, silence would once again overcome the pair as they climbed the hill towards the temples, having passed a couple already. In the silence, Ashara would once again be thinking over what had just been said. All the while she would sneak a couple glances towards Kenneth, still trying to figure out what lay beneath that calm exterior.

Honestly, I didn’t have a very good concept or ending in mind when I started writing this back in December. However i feel like this is a good place to call it. Our third main character, and final part of the trifecta has entered the main stage.

As always, thanks for reading and please comment your thoughts.

[gsohb]

Hip-Hop Royalty: Capital Steez

"Dear diary, what a day it's been." - from Free The Robots

Prior to 2023, if you had asked me who Capital Steez was, I honestly would've drawn a blank.

This isn't a note on the ferocious talent of this young man, but more so an admission of how much of an old ass, I actually am.

But sure enough, in 2023, I became familiar with the music of Steez, and needless to say, I haven't stopped listening, since.

STEEZ was born Courtney Everald Dewar Jr. on July 7th, 1993 in Brooklyn, New York (city). He attended the well known Edward R. Murrow High School.

According to his wiki, STEEZ was a happy kid. Always with a smile on his face, he would don a short afro and skinny jeans.

During the late 2000's, STEEZ co-founded the PRO ERA rap collective with childhood friend and fellow rapper Joey Badass.

Have you ever heard of the Beast Coast Movement? Well, it was (and is) a thing.

Beast Coast Movement

Apparently it was a term that STEEZ used to describe the musical conglomerate that was PRO ERA, Flatbush Zombies, and The Underachievers.

Unfortunately, on December 23rd, 2012, Courtney ended his life.

But, I don't want this entire to piece to be about his passing. I would like to discuss his talent and legacy left on hip hop.

Lol! Apparently, he had a sense of humor, too.

His Music

I always know when a song, particularly a rap song is good, because I'll be listening to it, and say, "This is what I'm talking about!"

It's like when you've been looking for a particular brand of butter for months. Yeah, the others are good and get the job done, but THIS kind of butter makes food fun and nutritious.

That's the feeling I got when I first listened to Apex.

First what I love about this video is how fun it is. I appreciate the jovial, fun energy that's only complimented by half serious, half jokey lyrics.

Maybe I'm biased, because this is one of my favorite types of rap styles.

Also, do you hear that beat?

Another one I really enjoy listening to is Free The Robots.

Okay, first of all. THIS VIDEO.

This video definitely is giving me liminal space vibes. Anyone else? No?

I really appreciate how there's different clips, and videos from different sources. Feels like STEEZ was trying to convey a message with all the clips arranged like so.

Now, with the music: I feel hypnotized. Just listening to this makes me feel dreamy, but also really really dreary. You ever seen Requiem For A Dream? | Yeah, that kind of dreamy/dreary.

Which is coincidental, because throughout the song, STEEZ mentions how destructive drugs have been to him personally and the world at large.

Free The Robots

STEEZ also touches on politics, very heavily here, such as 9/11 and certain ways he'd like past presidents to be dealt with. :)

AmeriKKKan Korruption | King Capital

STEEZ posing with left hand over left eye, while draped in a large American flag.

So, there is an album.

Or rather, a mixtape.

Capital STEEZ had released a solo mixtape titled AmeriKKKan Korruption, on April 7th, 2012.

The mixtape contained a total of 14 tracks, although a number of other rappers, producers and PRO ERA members have graciously contributed to its track count.

After his passing, in 2013 there had been an announcement by friend and fellow rapper Joey Badass that a posthumous album, titled King Capital would be released. While a song did come of it (King Steelo), the album King Capital would never actually be released.

On January 2nd, 2018, Joey Badass stated to fans that due to legalities, the album's release would be delayed to later that year.

As of 2024, the project King Capital is still unreleased.

His Legacy

I'm not sure what things would have looked like for STEEZ had he survived throughout the years.

What I will say, is that a talent and voice like he had is desperately needed now. In fact, maybe STEEZ's energy is still alive and well in some other rapper who just may have the talent, but hasn't been tweeted about by XXL.

Maybe we need to begin searching out talented artists, and boosting them up ourselves.

Also, it goes without mentioning, that it was said that STEEZ had been dealing with some emotional battles. I want to say that if you find yourself dealing with emotional, mental issues, getting help doesn't make you weak.

But taking your life doesn't make you weak either. It just means the help you needed didn't arrive on time.

God bless everyone, and long live STEEZ.

[adventures-in-asexuality]

Hi I read your Jojo fics and was wondering how do you characterize Kakyoin? I find it interesting that you manage to capture him better than most fics I've seen in the fandom.

sorry for taking so intensely long to answer you; it's been... some kind of year. putting this under a cut because it's a little long!

a lot of my Kakyoin characterisation was developed over conversation with @queenieofaces and other jojo writers (including but not limited to the lovely jojo writing discord), so you can see a lot of the characterisation that I bounced off in their fics, especially queenie's Jotaro and Jotakak fics. most of my Kakyoin characterisation is about how he relates to the other people in the horrible road trip, so having a good idea of other characterisations - especially characterisations of Jotaro that make sense and hold together for me, which queenie's written extensively about - was important in getting a sense of Kakyoin.

a fair amount of my other characterisation is from fairly small portions of the manga that I then obviously projected wildly on to. a big one for me was: what was Kakyoin's family situation such that he could just disappear in Egypt and then later take off with the Joestars, without ever seeming to communicate with them or have them worry about him? the simple answer is that that's what's convenient for the narrative, but why not read into that more? especially if you're coming from a shipping angle, which of course I was and that's how I discovered I'm bad at writing romance; assuming Kakyoin is queer and observing that he at the very least has a distant relationship with his family gives you a lot of room to play with his backstory and with his assumptions.

adding to this: he's clearly having a bad time in the manga! we know for certain that he's had potentially traumatic events (fleshbud, etc); his distrust of people, and the very precise way he presents himself (to seem trustworthy, to deflect attention, to talk about minutiae and have learnt every possible relevant concept in advance) leaves itself open for interpretation as a reaction to longer-term trauma - which, again, familial situation, I think there's a lot you can read into that. I tend to write Kakyoin as being more aware of his queerness (often involving some kind of genderfuckery; that precision in presentation really speaks to me there), and of being very aware of how that sets him apart, personally and societally, though you could absolutely go a different direction with that. I like drawing the parallels between that wider situation and his self-conscious marginalisation within the travelling group - but again that's largely personal preference.

in that awareness, I also tend to write him as tending towards overanalysis of his own feelings - which is fun to contrast with Jotaro's canonical and extremely incorrect belief that everyone else can see his feelings on his face. there's a lot of mileage to get out of the two of them. Kakyoin is constantly melding the way he's perceived to fit the situation, and feeling that it's incredibly urgent that he continue to do so to hold onto what safety he may have at any given point - and there's Jotaro over there grunting and sighing. perfect. when will they ever communicate properly.

this has been a very rambling answer, but I hope it's of some interest! if you want more good Kakyoin fics - or fics in general - try some of nomette's, or this particular favourite, or of course this or this, or some of these, as well as queenie's, linked farther above - and those are just a few off the top of my head; there's plenty out there!

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Storm/The Eye, Pt. 2

They start prepping for the coming storm.

Sheppard continues to have perfect trust in McKay. Again note that he's masking it in flippancy; when ever he talks about McKay to other people (and he seems to do that a lot; when you have a crush on someone you naturally want to mention them by name all the time because you are thinking about them all the time, but you try to be smooth about it like it's no big deal), he's downplaying it, he gives off the impression that he both cares for and regards McKay as less than he actually does. He tells Weir: "You know McKay'll come up with something. He's just setting himself up to be a hero."

I discussed McKay's brand of heroism and Sheppard's view of McKay as a hero previously in connection with Hide and Seek (S01E03). Sheppard does actually view McKay as a Big Damn Hero, and while here, talking with Elizabeth, he's making it sound like he's ribbing on McKay and his big ego, he does actually honestly believe those two things: that McKay will save them, and that he is a hero.

The episode lampshades this later:

McKay is frustrated by the fact that everyone seems to be placing finding the solution to the problem squarely on his shoulders which is a lot of pressure to put on one person, no matter how brilliant they may be. He attempts to communicate this, and makes a reference to Superman.

Sheppard is a comic book geek. I mean, we actually see him reading comics in his room multiple times. He, of course, just has to comment on that. He flippantly questions McKay's comment and his tone of voice, again, indicates that he thinks McKay is about as far from Superman as one can be. This sentiment echoes around the room:

The thing is, not only does Sheppard not think that McKay is not a hero, McKay is very much a hero to him. He's just not Superman.

Later on, in Irresponsible (S03E13), an episode that hearkens back to this particular episode as this is where Kolya is introduced and that is where he is killed, the topic of heroes again comes up. Sheppard -- not McKay -- brings up the fact that McKay's hero is Batman:

Like, he brings this up completely unprompted, just throwing out another fact that he just happens to know about McKay. So clearly they've had a conversation about the superheroes of the DCEU at some point (and we do see them discuss Batman in particular a bunch of times). They have a lot of discussions about their shared geeky interests, so that tracks.

So. Sheppard isn't saying that McKay is not a hero here, he's saying that choosing Superman to describe him makes no sense. If he was a DCEU superhero, he'd be Batman. But Sheppard actually thinks that he's more like Mr. Fantastic of the Fantastic Four from Marvel Comics.

Yes, in First Strike (S03E20) Sheppard describes himself as Mr. Fantastic but that is a classic case of projection. Nothing about him is Mr. Fantastic. He even says that McKay is not really like the Human Torch as Teyla complains that she's not invisible (it's actually Sheppard, the person who discovered the cloaking technology of the jumpers and is able to cloak a whole ass city, that is the Invisible Woman).

Mr. Fantastic is a scientist who holds multiple PhDs and frequently uses his mind to save the day, so even if McKay hadn't literally been wearing a Mr. Fantastic T-shirt (in the SG-1 episode Moebius), he would still resemble the character much better than Sheppard ever could. Also, they are having this discussion, initiated by Sheppard, during the bombardment of Atlantis so clearly "situations of certain doom" are exactly the kinds of times that Sheppard wants to debate comic book characters.

So, he's not saying McKay is not a hero, he's wanting to debate comic books because a Batman vs. Superman discussion would be a whole lot less stressful than what they're actually facing right then. He also very obviously noticed that McKay was upset when he first walked in the room, so the intent was probably to cheer him up and lighten the mood by playful teasing. And everyone else's reactions, including Rodney himself who takes offense at this because he has terrible self-esteem, just shows us how differently Sheppard views McKay from everyone else. This very thing is also lampshaded in the episode:

Granted, Zelenka does seem to be on the receiving end of a lot of the more charming sides of McKay's personality, deep down he does have a lot of respect for his colleague and is just airing out some frustration here. But this is not at all true of McKay, even if he actually agrees here that he can be a pretty horrible person.

He is not always like this. With Sheppard, in the past several episodes, we've seen him both want to and try to be a better man.

And it is not that Sheppard doesn't also see this side of him. Even by this episode, we've seen Sheppard hurt by things McKay has said multiple times, even if he didn't really mean it or do it on purpose. Sheppard just accepts the bad with the good.

Ever since Hide and Seek Sheppard has been observing McKay with such a keen eye that he has a pretty good idea of what he's like. It's just that... by this time, he's in love. With the guy that he fully believes should use his brain, not his brawn, to save the day.

Continued in Pt. 3

[iviarellereads]

Full TLT series to date thoughts on rereading Harrow the Ninth, chapters 50-Epilogue

A probably semi-regular weekly bonus to my reread blog, since sometimes you realize things on reread that just make you need to yell in a full spoiler space.

The whole unraveling of Dios Apate, Major in 50 is beautifully played out.

Frustrating that I have to label that chapter as "Gideon the First" in my character tags, though, because the Pyrrha reveal doesn't come til a bit later.

But, grabbing the sunglasses. She has to hide her eyes, G1deon's long-thought-lost eyes. I think she knows, at this point, that Gideon is in Harrow's body. Especially at the sight of the gold eyes when she takes the sunglasses. I wonder if she felt a moment of surprise before she played her part in the unwinding of the story. I wonder if she wanted to get to know Gideon, her best friend's namesake, the daughter she could never have of her own, the child who could have been from her other-half's seed. I just love her so much even though she started out as a cop (if John's pieces are to be believed) and I love her making this little moment of connection with Gideon. ;~;

All my questions in the footnotes of my chapter 51 post about how can the Lyctors know about John's power draw go double in this full-spoiler space. I'd love to get my hands on whatever notes may exist on this subject… or about the whole series honestly, but let's not get too ambitious all at once.

Seeing John talk about the Resurrection era with the chaos crew gives me big feelings like… I don't think I believe that John's dream-version in Nona is 100% truth, but I feel like Alecto's book is going to contextualize that versus all of this, everything all together. There's too much about John's existence and relationships with his empire for this not to be an important part of the unraveling process. And I can't wait to reread chapter 51 in particular after reading Alecto.

But Mercy suggesting that John erase her memory with brain surgery… oh honey, he's got better tricks than all that. I'm still convinced he's done it so many times. Something about the interaction with August, just before this, maybe it's just me projecting my expectations and theories but it really reads to me like John knows August doesn't remember, can't remember what he would have said or done before the Resurrection. If John's accounting in Nona is true, then why wouldn't he want his friends to remember? He can tamper with their memories, why couldn't he leave them all intact?

(I still think this supports my multiple resurrections until he got the result (closest to what) he wanted.)

So, John tells us in 52 when he reforms himself from the dust that Dominicus stabilizes with him and there's a chance Sixth got hit badly by a solar flare. I'm still curious how his connection with Dominicus works if Alecto is "only" Earth.

Pyrrha swore loyalty to John as if she were G1deon… Will this come back on her in Alecto? I feel like John's exactly the sort to remember every detail when it comes to betrayal.

This feels like a good place to put my theory on what happened after Harrow 52 with regard to bodies. See, Gideon's body was with the BOE, we know this from As Yet Unsent. Nona, in Harrow's body, is with the BOE, but as we learn later in her book, Gideon's body was sent back to John somehow, or at least into the River where he could collect it again.

My theory is that Gideon's soul, in Harrow's body, was drawn to her own body. The River is everywhere and nowhere, travel through it is an accepted part of the universe of the story. So she dragged Pyrrha and Harrow's body up there, and then… something.

See, Cam/Pal and Pyrrha get real concerned about what's going to happen if Nona makes contact with Gideon's body when they find it again. What I think happened is that Gideon-in-Harrow touched Gideon's flesh-body, something happened (maybe an explosion, maybe a light, maybe just a small pop) and Gideon's body disappeared, along with (obviously) Gideon's soul, leaving behind Harrow's body, with the nascent Nona personality fragment of Alecto, and Pyrrha in G1deon's body, on BOE territory.

Gideon's body is harder to trace after this point, but I assume the pressure of contact with her body made her soul, still partially submerged in the River, drag her body in and merge with it again, leaving Harrow's body, already on the way out of the River, to pop out whole, with Pyrrha as well. I think Alecto's appearance might be Nona-Alecto asserting as Gideon's soul transfers back into her own body, and the resuscitation might be John, or Ianthe. I'm not 100% on what "the wrong voice twice over" could mean in this context unless it's John, as he's linked to Alecto.

Without being able to form mental images it's really hard for me to understand what the scene transition is in Harrow 53, if it's staying in a new, consciously constructed River bubble like Pal's or an actual movement from one place to another. I assume the coffin she ends up in here is the same one that the sneaky preview reading from Alecto featured her waking up in. I'm still curious how she was there and in dreams in Nona. Unless this was more "you're already in the River and nobody has established physics in the River therefore you can do whatever is narratively convenient" which I would honestly respect more than a half-assed explanation in the end.

Unless, this really is a big game of swap-the-bodies. If Gideon swaps back into her own body, and Harrow and Alecto end up swapped for the duration of Nona, since Harrow was present and conscious (somehow??) at the end of Nona. Hmm. This bears thinking about as I continue rereading.

[themerelypersonal]

Listening to this song ready to start telling a story, as humans do, about my life. I had just finished cheesy eggs in a tortilla and sat there in my dimly lit living room and savored each bite. In "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman, he had said there was a study where they found that french women find more satisfaction from their food than American women because they aren't multi-tasking while eating. So, in french style, I suppose, I sat there and thought about the particles of my eggs. I closed my eyes and tasted. While I chewed, I looked around at my plants, books, and the skeleton named jinkies whom always makes me happy. The whole act was yummier so I suppose there may be some truth to that with the one trial I have attempted on myself... hardly good data but there I go.

Earlier, I climbed my heart out. There is this pink 12- that I am so close to finishing. I am so passionate about it and I constantly steal looks in between climbs l...I love having a project again. I'm making progress and am already able to climb up and down 8s and 9s. Soon, maybe, I can climb down 10s and 11s like I used to. I've been climbing like a monkey, swinging from side to side while listening to R&B which has been my genre of choice to climb to as of late. I saw Atlanta after my climb and we spent over an hour discussing intelligence, civilization, language, and power structures. It was a delight. I love breaking down subjects with humans. It is rare that I get to do so, though, I will say the Universe has sent me more souls to ponder life's deepest treasures lately. When I have opened myself to what god/universe/creator has in store for me, I have found so many gifts.

I started this new biography called "We Will Be Jaguars" by Nemonte Nenquimo. She was part of the Waorani tribe found in the Amazonian areas in Ecuador and so far, from what I understand in the book, she documents her experiences growing up in the jungle and being introduced to Christian missionaries who brought sickness to her people. I don't really like to read full synopsis of books just like I don't like to read climbs before I climb them. I like to not assume how it will end - sort of with everything in life perhaps. Hearing of this women's experiences is fascinating. She mentions places I've been to and it was neat to imagine the different animal life and her ancestors walking the same paths, maybe, that I did. When I went to Ecuador, I swam in tucked away pools in the Amazon forest near the small city of Coca. I spent alot of time alone in the jungle and with kids talking in Spanish about what their life was like. I remember this one child in particular named Charlie. He reminds me now of Ezra and was so intelligent. He would walk with me and explain different parts of his culture to me. Years later, hearing this woman's experiences is fascinating. She was talking about how she went to this missionary lady named Rachel who would give the girls dresses who would go to church. She wouldn't give you a dress if you didn't go. Before she received a dress, she said she would walk around naked in then jungle in her favorite pair of red underwear. She talked about how her baby brother would feed the monkey near them and how she told him not do so because the monkey needed to learn to feed herself.. and because she liked watching the way the monkey would pull apart insects- I found that last part very wonderful. Why? It's very human and honest.

I'm still reading through my Zen book and scribbling notes on all the pages like this one:

I was thinking this morning, staring out at the dusty white mountains and watching another season change into itself how odd it is that so many years have gone by. I swear it was just 2020 seconds ago and we all wondered if maybe the world was ending.

I've been struggling with aspects of my past and present that I still feel too sore to write about. Some days are better than others but I'm still in a state of shock. I am am allowing myself to feel the feels. I cannot be ashamed of that. I must show up honestly. I won't feel good living otherwise.

Otherwise, I am joyful. This baby inside of me kicks. What a strange thing it is to grow a human!

Off to fart around, literally, and play piano maybe or write a poem.