#i may have had a problem with impulse buying animals for a minute when i first moved out from with my family

[digitalcockroach]

i need to stop seeing pictures and videos of rats i had rats in my late teens/early 20s and i loved them but there were so many complications and they dont live very long (especially with the bad genetics bc i was just getting pet store rats that doubled as feeders) and i had to stop having rats and throw out the cage when the last one died because i was straight up having stress dreams and nightmares about rats dying and trying to move them to safety during natural disasters (we had bad wildfire and deepfreeze years in there) and just uhg stop they're so cute and i want them ;-; they're so easy to care for when nothing goes wrong lmao

[gloryofluv]

How the Last Three Brothers react to MC with ADHD

So this is the last half of the brothers. I also added some bonus content at the bottom in regards to all of them!

Here's the first four in case you missed them!

Asmo-

Heard about it from Satan. Was amused, but definitely didn’t care too much about it.

After meeting you the first time he decides that you’re not quite his type, but is friendly anyway. It wasn’t until he noticed that you were trying to mimic his makeup and did a stellar job that he was interested. He flat out asks you why.

When you express that he’s the most beautiful friendliest demon and wants to fit in more that he gushes! He immediately starts to have beauty sessions and finds out through teaching you proper hair care that you confess that you never feel like you fit in and want to, that he asks more about your ADHD.

Telling Asmo is easier than Lucifer. Mostly because he’s hugging you and brushing out your hair. Relaxing you into a state where you’re able to admit how awkward it makes you feel.

He immediately makes it his goal to improve your self-confidence! Doesn’t ask. Barges into your room with products, brushes, and other items at least once a week. You review the week and he listens to your worries. If someone is bothering you at RAD, he has ways of ending their lives in social suicide.

This beautiful boy becomes your gal pal with benefits. He always has something healthy to offer for your skin, clothing that he wants you to try on, and never says one horrible thing about you. He LOVES that you want assistance with your Devilgram and makeup. He even doesn’t mind when you zone out. He’ll be patient and repeat it.

Alone time? Well, don’t expect him to leave you completely alone. He’ll text you and not worry about receiving answers right away. He knows sometimes you just need to hear what he does. You give him so many compliments that his ego is boosted through the roof. He suddenly can’t live without you!!! Don’t leave him, okay? Other than Solomon, he’s never adored a human this much.

Beelzebub-

This boy. He didn’t care, but not because he was indifferent. He was just like, okay??? Doesn’t get it.

Notices you don’t snack or you snack all the time. No in-between. That’s a problem. Humans need to eat, right? Starts to make extra afternoon snacks for you. Doesn’t even make a big deal out of it. He just knocks on your door with water and a plate, offering them and leaving.

Notices that you’re tired or ready to run for a mile. No middle. Starts to ask if you want to go with him every day and will carry you on his back if you’re tired. Once something happens once it’s routine. Expect a knock at your door every afternoon with a snack and then going for a jog.

He isn’t as interested in the clinical details but asks you what it means when you become closer. You explain in a simplistic fashion why your brain is weird. He laughs and nods but still says he likes you just the way you are.

If you ever get sad, he will definitely ask if he can help. If you get tired, he’s used to carrying around a tired teddy bear. He offers to carry you. If you’re stress he’ll ask if he can give you some of his snacks and hug you.

He really likes you. A lot. You’re always saying how sweet, kind, and gentle he is. He’s just himself, but he always glows when you say it. It makes him warm and fuzzy.

If anyone makes you cry. Be prepared for this gentle giant to go full apocalyptic demon. He will ruin them! It doesn’t matter if he finds out after the fact. He will find them and eat them. No one fucks with his little human cupcake. Well, inedible cupcake, he’d never eat you. (Well… he had thoughts when you playfully tease, but no. He could never hurt you and worries about that.)

Beel is literally your bodyguard and teddy bear. Expect big hugs, head pats, and plenty of food. That’s the way he shows his love. You will have to tell him you can’t eat so much and he can have it and to tell you how it tastes. He’d be happy to share that and anything else of his. He’d give you anything because he sincerely loves you like his brothers. Maybe more? Food = love, right?

Belphegor-

Meets you well after there are established routines. He notices how you are so odd for a human. He likes it, but then he doesn’t, but then he really does. He asks Beel about it and that’s how he finds out about your ADHD.

A weird brain? That might be fun. He uses that as a base to start contact with you. You tell him all about it without resistance and explain how the last several months have gone.

He suddenly has the urge to see how much your quirky personality is entertaining for him. He asks you to tell him more stories, they don’t even have to be about the Devildom. You tell him all the funny and ridiculous stories laying with him in the planetarium. It was… endearing.

He instantly adored you. You made him feel something more than bitter and tired. He listened to you and snoozed, opening an eye every so often to see you smiling and animatedly talking. He liked the inflections in your voice. He liked the smile on your lips. He liked that you were weird because he is sure as fuck was.

The fact that you were unique and still felt awkward in your own skin except when you were alone made him identify. Sees you. Sees that your struggles didn’t define you. Your issues, no matter the list, didn’t make you angry or mean.

Not only did he value your forgiveness and care. He valued your differences the most. He didn’t care if you were a bit wild or sad or even stressed. He would pull you into a tight snuggle and kiss your hair. He’d wait until you were almost napping in his arms to say he’d never let anyone else ever hurt you. He would love you for every piece of you for eternity.

He’d never admit to his soft and fluffy side in front of his brothers, often teasing you, but his hinted smile only reinforced your private friendship. It was all part of the layers you both built so no one truly could dig to the fluffy pillows you were.

Soon naps and confessions became routine in the afternoons after RAD. He would spill his heart out in return for your sincerity. It would make you mushy and relax you so that you could release the day.

Expect Beel and Belphie to become inseparable with you. The minute this little cuddle bear identifies that you are his squishy human, he tells his twin it’s their job to make sure you never leave them. He is a bit demanding but always returns the favor in different subtle ways.

Expect midnight texts and asking you to come up to his room or the attic. Insomnia is no longer really an option. The moment he latches onto you, you’re comforted like a weighted blanket and out in minutes.

Expect secretive treats, blankets, and gifts left in discreet places for you. Expect him to wait for you outside the classroom if you’re not together with Beel holding him up. Oh, and don’t even think you’re getting out of it. He found the one thing he loves more in life than sleeping. He dreams about you all the time and will tell you all about them, even the dirty ones to your chagrin. This demon boy will do anything to keep you happy and his.

~BONUS~ Fun additives!

Lucifer often asks Mammon to be sure that you aren’t stressing over homework and has him go check on you. That usually leads to some antic that makes you relax and have more fun and less anxiety.

Satan has a favorite blanket that he’ll wrap you both in when you’ve had a long day. It has aromatherapy and helps him too. It’s weighted and often both of you relax and find a way to laugh over books or a cat video.

Asmodeus has a whole wish list on Akuzon made just for you. Some items are personal care, others are cute stuffed animals because he knows you have bad days. Lucifer knows of this list and will often offer some money for doing a simple task so he can buy them for you.

Belphie will tolerate sharing your time with Leviathan to play video games or watch anime. As long as you allow him to curl against you so he can watch you smile or hear the thrum of your voice as you talk to Levi about the game or show.

If you are crying and Lucifer caught you, he will pull you into his study. Sit you down with tea and ask you what’s wrong. If you tell him it’s just a bad moment, he will break formality and stroke your hair. He will tell you stories about his brothers so that you start to smile and relax. He fucking lives for that smile.

Satan sets up mock adventures through the Devildom so that you enjoy the impulse of adventure without the dangers. (Mammon does enough endangerment to your impulses!) He will be sure while setting it up that it’s human proof. He also asks Solomon for extra warding charms for you without telling you. They’re usually hand-made bracelets that Satan crafted and attuned by the sorcerer.

Leviathan will do check-ins when you’re at RAD and he isn’t. If you feel upset about something, he will quote TSL at you to give you courage. Then when you get home, he will have a video game you have to try. Soon you’ve forgotten about the stressful day.

Asmodeus will take pictures with you allllll the time. He says it’s for him because he’s so beautiful, but his captions are always about how gorgeous you are while tagging you. Half of RAD thinks you’re dating just because of how much you’re on his Devilgram.

Beel will listen to everything you say. He may not respond immediately, but he evaluates it. If you’re having a really rough go at something, he will ask Belphie what to do. Often he’ll just sit with you or ask if you want to help him in the garden just so he can try to make you smile. He’s not horribly good with bad feels, but he will do anything for you.

[octopus-reactivated]

Title me Miss

You remember Decima? If not, here she is.

Tw/cw: Pet whump. legal slavery, stress position, maybe? low self-esteem, dehumanisation, unreliable narrator, derogatory language

__________

The cage was small, much smaller than cages usually used in stores. He had to bend while kneeling. His back hurt and he wanted to lay down, curl up on cold floor, but then he wouldn't be able to get at kneeling position fast, and if someone would look at him, and see he isn't even kneeling, then he won't be bought and taken to new home and new Master and it’s not like his chances were high to begin with.

He had to stay in this uncomfortable position. Of course stupid Pet like him deserved anything better, anyway.

__________

That's bad - thought Paparazzi realising the celebrity saw her taking a photo of him. Except that she wasn't a paparazzi, and he wasn't a celebrity.

Caretaker quickly turned around trying to walk away without getting into a confrontation. It was most likely that she would be able to get away, and even if man would demand to delete photos, she already switched memory cards, so the evidence was safe.

She took a glance into a reflective surface. Yep. Mr. Politician was following her, and even pointed at her. Rude. She hid behind the nearest corner, taking her jacket off. Then she hopped into the closest shop and got wig off - good thing she actually decided to start using them. She walked into the furthest part of the shop, hiding clothing, wig and camera in a bag and done! Caretaker can be a different person now! It took her 15 seconds no more. Still far away from a perfect time of 7 seconds, but most likely 15 seconds would be enough.

Caretaker calmed herself down, and crunched behind a cage

And then she saw where she was. A “Pet” shop. She realised There was a human in a cage, and he looked at her with hopeful eyes. Oh no. She suddenly felt guilty. She never was brave enough to go after a big company. Did this combination of events happen to show her what happens to people because she refuses to take action... Even if this action is just spying on corrupted politicians?

She will have to pull herself together and inform Justin she's ready to hunt down big fish.

Caretaker stayed a little longer, until she decided it was safe to go. She stood up and at that moment a man in a cage whimpered. She looked at the boy. He had teary eyes. Was it because she didn't want to buy him? Why would anyone be sad for not getting bought? Maybe Pets were punished when someone decided to leave them? It made no sense, but common sense probably got beaten out of them. Whatever it was, the boy was authentically sad.

"I'm just... looking at the description, don't worry" she sent him a reassuring smile. What the what was she doing? She's not here to buy anything? Maybe she would be able to steal him? No, she's a simple photographer playing spy, not a thief. And THAT would be illegal, and she can't have a criminal record. Caretaker looked at papers glued to the board over the cage. Age, physical attributes, placing of scars, training facility, 'one previous owner' note, price - cheaper than she would expect for a human being- what he was trained to, blablabla...

"Interested in-" without thinking, she turned around and punched the owner of a voice in the stomach. He bent in half. Only then she realised it was one of the employees.

"I'm so sorry i didn't mean to hurt you, you terrified me" she apologised quickly, and she meant it. She really was sorry for punching an innocent person. Oh wait, this guy works at Pet store. Nevermind, she's not sorry. Unless that would make a fuss and affect her reputation. Then maybe a little.

Employee straighten up

"You're stronger than you look like" He said, quite impressed.

"Thank you. I didn't meant to use that strength on you"

"No problem, it was my fault anyway. I tend to walk quiet" He said, but to be honest it sounded a little forced. Later on he will trash talk about her to his friends for sure. "Anyway i was meant to ask if you're interested in this Pet"

"Well, I am considering... "

"We also have many others here, or you can visit our website and..."

"No thank you... I think… I think I will talk to my friend, he's like 78% of my impulse control. I will be back in a few minutes."

"Of course if you want to discuss it with someone..." Employee looked disappointed, but he also didn't want to come out as pushy, so he didn't stop her.

When she was walking away Pet sniffed, and an employee kicked cage saying something angrily. He switched from servile to cruel in seconds. Disgusting, absolutely disgusting. She will stop this. But first she had to make a call.

__________

Pet was waiting, hoping for the impossible, and then- then someone walked in and looked at him! Mistress with exotic blue hair! She was looking at him! Maybe she will pet him and decide he looks adorable and take him? He tried so hard to look cute!

Of course it wasn't enough. Mistress stood up. Why would she want a disgusting, horrible Pet like him? He whimpered and shut up immediately. He didn't get permission to make a sound. Bad, untrained Pet.

"I'm just looking at the description, don't worry," Lady said. Of course, you stupid mutt. Humans won't just decide by looking at face, they would want to know... all those important stuff written in his document, that he was to stupid to understeand.

One of the Masters came and talked to Lady... but she just punched him! And the Master was in pain, but still didn't get mad... Did it mean that Lady was so cruel she wanted to hurt even other humans and powerful enough to get away with this? Pet trembled.

Master tried to convince her to purchase one of Pets, him or some other, that was less useless, bu the Lady apparently didn't liked anything, so she used banal excuse even dumb Pet was able to look through and left.

He tried not to cry.

Master kicked his cage.

"Can't you even try to be less hopeless?" he said angry

__________

"Justin, my beloved, my light, my braincell and my source of income i need your advice"

Sigh.

"What is this time?"

"So I was doing as you said, and you were right, they really met and there was a third man with them, and I got photos, but he saw me and..."

"Did you lose evidence?"

"Nah, don't worry it's safe like a baby in your mother's arms. The thing is I had to flee and I went into the first open store and there was Pet and he looked so sad, and I have to take him now, but..."

"I see, do you want me to gently sway you from making decisions you already know it's bad, or do you look for my genuine opinion about your capability of taking care of a pet with your job?"

"No no no no no. You misunderstood me. It was A Pet. And I want to take him, because I'm afraid they will beat him to death if i don't but I also don't want to give them my money. I don't want to contribute to the system, but stealing is bad and I don't know what to do anymore."

"Okay. Okay, wait a moment i need to think about it for second"

"Okay"

"Alright, I have an idea: big companies like that always have some dirt. So do like this: go to this store and buy him casually, but look for old ventilation, unsafely placed things or anything. Note that and take photos if you can, and we will later snitch on them for WHS violation or something"

"Okay. Thank you i knew i could count on you"

__________

Pet was kneeling in the cage. He could have a new home by now if only he wouldn't be so disgusting. The last customer was really scary, and cruel and even she didn't want such an awful Pet. He tried not to cry. Crying wasn't cute and he had to look cute even if it was pointless.

Then he heard quick angry footsteps. The blue-haired lady was back. What did it mean?

"I'M TAKING HIM!" She shouted. She had fire in her eyes. It took all of Pet's strength not to move away to the back of the cage.

She will buy him, and she was angry, maybe because the pet was scared of her, or maybe her Friend failed to control her impulse, or maybe it was something different, but the Pet will pay for that.

He was scared, but he will take all the pain if she would want him, please he wants to be wanted, even if it doesn't matter what he wants, take him away, he will be good...

Master rushed and took Lady to the back, where the documents were signed. Pet glued eyes to the doors. She still can change her mind when she will look deeper and realise how bad and ill-trained animal he is.

Or maybe she would like to have a broken animal to train up to herself? Was it about it?

__________

"Here are all his files. We have to make sure you had read them, especially the last page"

"Sure, give me some time"

"Also if you have any questions, i'm here to help"

"I don't have any..." she said, but then the idea hit her "actually, do you have any more detailed record of his training?"

"We do have records for all our pets, but we can show them only to the owner. We can email them right after purchase. They're quite large"

"Works for me" She said. Maybe the records will say more about his conditioning, and help with recovery. Anyway it won't do harm if she will have them.

Now onto reading stuff she will sign. Make sure the company won’t hide anything in small print.

It took longer than she would like to admit and hopefully she understood all the words just right… There was one page left.

There was something about being "ready to handle" and "responsiblebleble..." and

oh

Employee must have seen that she got to that part.

That part... changed the light she looked at the boy.

And she hesitated for a moment.

“May… may i know the circumstances of an incident?” she asked

__________

Master- no, the former Master now opened a cage and threw him on the ground. Pet felt his shoulder hit the hard floor and he holded cry in .

"Looks like you got purchased after all. Unbelievable. Ayway, how long do you think it will take for you to mess up and get returned?" former Master said. Pet was stupid, yes, and he had trouble learning rules but he knew that he can't break them now, and he wasn't allowed to speak

"Answer me you dumb Pet"

now that was an order

"A- a month maybe?"

"Ha! you aim high. I doubt you will be able to last two weeks"

Pet didn't want to go back at all, but if the former Master says he won't be able to enjoy new home for longer than two weeks then it was true. He had to bear Mutt for so long!

He took off one collar and put on another. It was so soft, softer than a pet ever had. Finally he grabbed him by the shoulder he felt on and took to the new owner.

"See you soon," former Master whispered to Pet.

And there she was. New owner. The scary Lady. Pet trembled.She didn’t clipped a leash or grab him by hair, instead she put her arm around him. Didn't she want him to have even this piece of freedom? Or was she afraid he would try to run away? He won't, he will be good and Pet hoped he would be allowed to speak to tell he will be good. But he wasn't allowed so he just quietly walked by her side. He couldn't crawl with her holding him, will he be punished for walking on legs like a human?

They walked outside. The sun was so nice, and the air was fresh. But he knew it was not to enjoy, he wasn't allowed to enjoy those things.

"We will have to wait here for a while. My friend - the one I mentioned before - will give us a ride. Anyway, what's your name?"

Was he tested already? He knew how to follow rules, he could follow them...

Owner looked at him in scary silence

"Oh. I forgot. You can speak. I wouldn't ask if i didn't expected any answer"

Oh no. Oh no no, they didn't even get home, and he disappointed Owner already.

"I don't have any name, Mast- Mistress"

“Hmm well then how did the.. shop employees call you then?”

“Disgusting, Mutt, Dirty…”

"That won’t work. We have to give you a real name. And you can call me by mine. I'm Decima. 'Mistress' sounds like some annoying character from a historical drama. But if you feel uncomfortable without honorifics then you can title me 'Miss'. But I prefer to be referred to by name, okay?"

"Yes, Miss Decima"

[librarianaesthetic]

Gross things about rabbits

It’s almost easter, and for all u american christians out there, that means a ton of unwitting parents are about to buy their kids rabbits as a “cute easter gift.” In hopes of dissuading that impulse (or giving you some gross facts to use to dissuade your own relatives from this mistake), here’s a bunch of bad things about owning a rabbit!

Let’s start strong. A bunny will eat its own poop. It has to, because of the way it digests food. The poops that it eats are extra stinky, soft, and sticky.

(more like 1A) It will eat its own poop out of its own butthole, and then it might come over and try to lick you. Sometimes you might not notice the smell from its mouth until it has already licked your cheek. Ask me how I know.

It will leave (the other kind of) poop on the floor. They look like cocoa puffs. They’re not cocoa puffs. You will constantly be picking them up off your floors, no matter how well-trained your bun’s litter box habits are.

Their pee has a strong, acidic smell. If you’re a parent, your child is not going to clean it every week, because they are a child. You will have to clean it sometimes at least, and it is rank. If your litter box gets cleaned once per week, your house will always have a tinge of bunny-pee smell, just like how cat owners’ houses always smell of cat dander, and dog owners’ houses always smell like dried dog saliva. 

You will have to brush your bunny and clip their nails. They will (probably) not like this, and it can be an extremely stressful experience for both of you. Have you ever accidentally cut a baby? Picture this: you are holding a squirming, panicking baby whose bones you could easily snap with your hand. (Over time you can get them more comfy with it from exposure and lots of treats, but like. it can be tough for some buns)

As a rule, they chew cords. Your phone cords, computer cords, lamp cords, anything in reach and especially anything in their way. No hopping around or over, they’ll chew through it as a first instinct. I think it’s a what-to-do-with-tree-roots-in-warren thing?

This is pretty obvious, but they’ll try to eat your houseplants if they can reach them. They’ll jump up onto anything short enough to get a forbidden snack.

Many bunnies dig up carpeting, and will destroy furniture. Anything wicker, especially, is fair game. Your baseboards and carpeting? Open season to a bunny who likes to dig.

Some bunnies like to dig in their litter box. Picture a fireworks show, but it’s poop, hay, and pee-soiled litter, in your house, on your floors.

Un-spayed/un-neutered bunnies will pee on your stuff to “mark” it, especially places that you like to be in. Some bunnies will do this even after surgery. This is common in beds or on a favored spot on your couch. My bun used to really like to pee on my bed. I used to have to clean my duvet almost every day until I finally got him to stay off my bed in the first place. He once came up on my bed to cuddle next to me, stayed for 3 minutes, then peed on my leg.

Bunnies can be aggressive to other bunnies or to other pets. They’re a tiny prey animal, they get nervous and will lunge when frightened and backed into a corner.

Bunnies, especially un-neutered ones, want to fuck literally all the time (there’s a reason for the saying). You will find yourself explaining to your child what that motion is a lot sooner than you may have planned.

Some bunnies nip to get what they want, and it does actually hurt. It’s a really sharp, strong pinch. Some bunnies do this more than others, some do it just to get attention, and some can be trained out of it (mostly).

Despite how cute they are, bunnies don’t like to cuddle in your arms or lap, especially a young bun who isn’t very used to people. Bunnies prefer to sit next to you, rarely on you. A bun that you get from Petco will definitely be very scared if you put it on your lap. (which, don’t buy pets from big chain pet stores. Literally all their pets come from unsustainable breeding practices. If you do get one, go to a shelter, where most of the bunnies will have been neutered already at no cost to you).

(13A) Bunnies will jump off of you or squirm to get away from you when you’re doing something they don’t like, and their claws are sharp. When they want to get away, they will, and their claws will dig into your arm or leg. Their back feet have a lot of power, and no compunctions about drawing blood (ask me how I know).

Rabbits have lots of health concerns, and they’re pretty delicate pets. Because they’re prey animals, they’re also very good at hiding what’s wrong. It can be extremely difficult to notice a problem before it’s an emergency, and you may have a dead bunny on your (and your childs) hands.

If you are committed to getting a bun and treating them well, it’s hard to find veterinarians for rabbits—they’re an exotic pet, so a typical cats-and-dogs vet won’t really know what to do with one, although they might try to fake it. I live in a major US city, and even I had a hard time finding one when my bun had a potential respiratory problem (false alarm, no worries). During quarantine, many vets that normally would see exotics in addition to more common pets closed their doors to exotics first when they were cutting down on the number of appointments per day.

There’s a lot of misinformation online about bunny care, so it can be hard to know what’s right, especially if you have a hard time finding a vet. 50% of products sold for bunnies are actually bad for them, and are just brands taking advantage of misinformation (looking at you, Kaytee). Most of that cute stuff you see at the pet store in the bunny aisle is not bun-safe, so you end up wasting money.

Bunnies are bigger than you think they are. Mine is about the size of a medium-sized cat. Dwarf bunnies are small, but they come with the inbreeding-related health problems found in other small pet breeds (teacup and toy dog breeds). Bunnies should have time and space to run around every day, and they’re not like a hamster that can do that in its cage.

Bunnies live longer than you think they do. Their lifespan is around 8-11 years (breed dependent), comparable to a dog. Adopting a rabbit is not a small commitment.

Obviously, I love my bun. He’s adorable and delightful and very affectionate. I think more people should (responsibly) own pet rabbits. But you need to be prepared to deal with a bunch of issues if you want to get any pet, especially these. They’re not disposable or easy. Admittedly, some of those things on the list can be avoided, but it takes time, attention, and money. Rabbits can become very expensive, very quickly.  Maybe get your kid a stuffed animal, instead.

[aggressive-positivity-network]

[Tf2 headcannon thingy] how would everyone react to scouts ex leaving him with a kid

Oooh, spicy! Real spicy!

TF2 Deadbeat Ex Headcanons

Engineer:

Is one of the few mercs that actually knows anything about children.

The kid likes Engie best he is a) not scarily massive and b) doesn’t treat them like some animal escaped from the zoo.

His rage is well hidden, but god forbid the ex ever shows up at the base again.

The ex actually showed up with a new boyfriend, wanting some of their clothes back.

“Well, no problem, pardner. Lemme just...treat ‘em first. For lice and th’ like. Y’know how dirty us mercenaries can be.”

He shuts the door, opens it a few minutes later with a shoebox of ashes, then slams the door in the ex’s face.

Demo:

Will come in handy when the kid gets a little older, and he likes to hold the baby occasionally, but when it comes to actually taking care of it, he can’t be trusted.

“Ah, my ma gave me whiskey when I was a lad ‘n I turned out fine...”

As for the ex?

He’d be apathetic when sober - he’s seen it all before.

But drunk?

Someone’s house is getting blown up while a victorious Scottish battle song is played on a crappy MP3 player.

Medic:

Has a real soft spot for children, being a doctor and all, but every person under twelve that isn’t insane gives him a wide girth.

So, for a while, he avoided the baby, only giving it the initial check-up.

However, one night, the baby was crying, and he was the only one awake. He immediately donned his gloves and lab coat and went into the baby’s room, which was a cleaned out supply room with a crib and a few of Pyro’s old toys.

The baby didn’t need anything specific - the new place and the darkness had simply scared it.

Medic reached into crib and tried to pick up the child, but they only screamed louder. He hurriedly took off his gloves and tried again.

The baby calmed a bit, now only whining and whimpering. Medic turned on a lamp and rocked the baby in his arms.

The baby fell back asleep after a while, but Medic kept rocking it for a little longer.

Scout came in at one point, and Medic showed him how to properly hold the baby before disappearing back into his lab.

Ever since then, Medic felt both more affection for the child and more hatred towards the ex.

When he is tired or unmotivated, he sometimes makes little machines of torture in case the ex ever crosses him again.

Sniper:

Doesn’t hate kids, but doesn’t particularly like them, either.

Unless they can properly aim a gun or appreciate Taylor Swift, him and children have nothing in common.

He was actually the one to suggest the break-up to Scout, though, so he feels a little bad for putting his teammate in that position.

He mostly acts as a person for Scout to talk with, especially about being an adult and the feelings he still has for his ex.

“You did the right thing, mate. She made your life a living ‘ell...I’ve seen some pieces ‘a work in my time, but she was the whole bloody museum.”

He definitely has moments with the baby, though, despite his reluctance.

One time, he was cleaning his gun, and cocked it to make sure it moved smoothly.

The baby started giggling, so Sniper cocked his gun again, which sent them into hysterics.

A few minutes later, they were both laughing, and Miss Pauling poked her head in to see them both on the floor, guffawing.

Once Sniper got ahold of himself, he said, “That there is a future mercenary!”

Heavy:

LOVES children, but it took the baby a while to realize that this giant of a man was on their side.

Knows the most about children out of all the mercenaries, and is the go-to for a baby-sitter when Scout has an assignment.

Heavy doesn’t hold anything against the ex, though he doesn’t respect nor condone their actions.

He was the one who discussed the matter with the ex - he was the only one who wouldn’t kill them.

“You are leaving child with man you loved for three months. We will take. Heavy will take. But child now is not yours. You are not ma. You are just stranger. Do not come back. Heavy will break you.”

He also consoled Scout when he was the most upset, building him back up to his old self...well, as much as Heavy could.

Spy:

Really doesn’t like children, but puts up with it for Scout’s sake.

Never holds it, takes care of it, or even looks at it. However, he did stop smoking around it without Pauling even having to ask.

One day, he saw Scout crying outside of the baby’s room. Scout tried to pass it off as fatigue, but Spy, uncharacteristically gentle, stood with him until he could speak without sobbing.

Scout said he couldn’t be a father, and that only a few weeks ago he had blown up the lab, and what would happen if he killed it...!

“Scout.”

Spy put a hand on Scout’s shoulder.

“You may be impulsive, illiterate, vainglorious, a bit self-absorbed, and generally immature...”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Shut up. I’m not finished. But, all of that said, you are not cruel. You are not stupid. You are not vindictive. You took this child, despite everything, and you have taken care of them. You still wish good things upon a broken-off lover, and you took her creation with determination. Many men would leave such an offer on the side of the road or in an abandoned schoolhouse. If you can overcome such a deep loss, you can take care of a child. You are ready.”

“Really?”

“Oui. Besides, you have a doctor, a muscle-bound love bug, and, if all else fails, a woman. You are not alone.”

“Wait, so...you’ll help me change them?”

“Hell no. Well...not yet, anyway. Time will tell.”

Soldier:

Soldier is the one to bring all the supplies, food, and anything else the baby might need anywhere the team would need to take it.

He also buys most of it, since he is so ready to go to a gas station in the middle of the night.

However, this did lead to an odd exchange between him and an old woman.

“Oh, running out for the wife, I see!”

“SCOUT’S A DAD!”

“A...a dad? Oh, are you an uncle? A brother, perhaps?”

“WE’RE ALL DADS!”

“How...how many of you are there?”

“AT LEAST THREE!”

“Oh, mercy...”

When it comes to the baby, both Scout and Miss Pauling are hesitant to leave him alone with it.

Maybe when the kid is a little older.

Pyro:

Would love to hold and play with the baby, but it cries every time they get near it.

They refuse to take off their mask, but Miss Pauling always finds them sadly rocking a bunched up blanket whenever the baby gets freaked out.

In order to combat the problem, Miss Pauling got them a realistic baby doll to hold while the real thing was being passed around.

It definitely helped, but there are still times when they’re a little melancholy about it.

The only way they can really interact with the baby is through their puppet shows.

Since he can’t be understood anyway and no one can see his mask, the baby’s delighted by the shows Pyro puts on.

Pyro is slowly but surely gained the baby’s trust by having a puppet on one hand while holding the baby in the other.

As for the ex, the team has only told them vague things about it. They aren’t sure how they’ll react, and the last thing they need is another criminal trial.

For now, they’re just saying that they found the kid.

[echo-of-sounds]

adhd pt.2

How Fatgum, Gang Orca, and Midnight would help and support their s/o who has ADHD. Midnight’s are a little shorter than the others. I had a hard time thinking of more headcanons for her.

Warnings: nothing incredibly explicit, but a couple of these talk about sex

Toyomitsu Taishiro

Tai is a friendly guy. He talks to everyone when you're out and about. Sometimes it's fine. Sometimes it's a lot to handle. He wants you to immediately tell him when you’re starting to feel overstimulated or anxious. Before it gets too bad, he’ll carry you to a safe space. And it doesn’t matter where you are, his sweatshirts are yours. Weight can be very grounding and with his size, they’re very heavy. He’ll hold you close and talk you through the emotions.

Any time you lash out, he might try to ease the tension by making a joke. If you’ve ever been angry, you know jokes just make it worse. He’ll give you time to gather yourself when he realizes you’re actually angry. He won’t snap back. Fighting isn’t what he wants to do. Take some time to cool down. You’ll find him waiting for you with a smile. It’s hard to get him angry and it doesn't hurt his feelings when you lash out, but you should still apologize. He would appreciate it.

Feelings overwhelmed can erupt suddenly. When you sit down at your desk and there are five notebooks, scattered pens and pencils, loose papers, and just useless junk everywhere, you feel completely engulfed under them. It’s almost like you can’t breathe. You don’t know where to start or what to do. Tai will set some time aside to help you sort through your stuff. He may not know exactly where everything goes, but he really wants to help. He hates the look on your face when you’re overwhelmed and he’ll do anything to make it go away.

Lack of restraint and risk-taking behaviors are the most concerning to him. Sure, impulsively buying a dumb stuffed animal is one thing. But buying a new gaming system and four video games is another. The costs add up quickly. Or maybe you take another shot at the bar because screw it, you only live once. Then you do that over and over. ‘Just another shot’ turns into ten more. Your safety is always his number one priority and he worries himself sick thinking you’re going to damage your finances, career, or worse, yourself.

If you didn’t catch what he said, he has no problem repeating himself. Though he worries you aren’t paying attention while you’re in public or when something important is happening. He doesn’t want you mindlessly agreeing to something that you don’t actually want to do or potentially getting hurt. Like how you fling your arms out when you’re talking and hit someone or a wall. To ease his anxiety about you, he’ll hold your hand a lot and offer to give you piggyback rides.

He has a little trouble focusing on smaller tasks as well. He would much rather be doing fun activities out in the world. So he understands your trouble. He also understands how you forget to vacuum even though you promised you would. He isn’t annoyed. He’ll remind you when you’re home to do it. 

Since Tai is such a big guy he taught himself to be gentle early on in his life, particularly when it comes to sex, therefore he isn’t worried if you have sexual hypersensitivities. He's also great at communication and loves talking. He’ll ask what positions you can’t do and where you don’t like to be touched to ensure your comfort is at its max. During sex, if your attention starts drifting, he’ll let you take over to help keep you focused.

Gang Orca

Kugo’s a clean, organized man. To him, it’s helpful knowing that everything has its place. If you leave bowls and books around or are an overall cluttered person, he’ll pick up after you. Eventually, when your clutter gets to be too much, he’ll create a routine and a to-do list. Before bed, look at the list and look around the room if there are any pillows to put back on the couch or papers to straighten out.

Having physical sensitives is something Kugo can understand. While it’s not to the point he’s overstimulated like people with ADHD have, his skin is still quite sensitive- more than your ‘average’ human skin because of his mutant-type quirk. Whatever you need for self-soothing, he can bring to you when you’re starting to feel overstimulated. Your favorite heavy quilt will be wrapped around your shoulders and he’ll light some vanilla candles.

He’s utterly unbothered by tapping, fidgeting, or restlessness. However, he’s deeply concerned when he notices blood on your lip or fingers. It’s mindless. You don’t hurt yourself on purpose. No matter how many times you explain, it won’t quell his worries. He just really hates seeing you bleed. Out in public, he’ll hold your hand to stop your picking. At home, he keeps a close eye on you and points out your unhealthy habit so you can find a fidget toy or a pen to click. He hopes if he does it enough times it’ll become a subconscious reaction for you to grab a toy to play with instead of your body.

High mood swings and anger are easy for him to take. Your quick snaps go in one ear and out the other- mainly because he knows it's not about him. While he understands the frustration comes at the flip of a switch, he strongly urges you to find ways to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. He’s willing to listen if you want to talk it out. He’s willing to go to the gym if you need to exercise it out. And (if you’re at that point in the relationship), he’s willing to have sex if you need to fuck it out. 

Kugo loves listening to your interests. He supports any and all of your studies. Are you currently into a new TV series? He’ll buy you posters and action figures for surprises on your bad days. Or is the Viking culture suddenly fascinating and you need to learn everything about it? He scoops up some obscure book from that bookstore he passes every day. Even though his presents might not be exactly what you’re looking for, his excitement and passion to support you is really cute.

Focusing on smaller tasks is incredibly difficult. You strain yourself then get frustrated then give up. Seriously, that one piece of paperwork should take ten minutes tops to complete. But it ends up taking over two hours because you just can’t sit and do it. Whenever he notices you fussing at the table, he’ll sit down with you so you can go through the paperwork together. Having someone next to you is helpful. They keep you on track and guide the way through the long passages of words and seemingly confusing questions.

He's uneasy when it comes to any sexual sensitivities. It takes him a while to be ready for sex in general, but if you’re hypersensitive, it’ll take him a hell of a lot longer. He’s so scared of hurting you, especially since his fingers are more like claws and his teeth are sharp. He tries his damnedest to be gentle because he’s always scared that he’ll overstimulate you to the point you’re crying. Your sexual relationship will start with oral and fingering, plateauing at that for a while until he convinces himself he won’t hurt you.

Kayama Nemuri

Thoughts that bubble up and instantly spout from your mouth are common. Half the time you don’t even realize you spoke. Nemuri will be a little miffed if you keep interrupting her. She doesn’t want to forget her train of thought. She knows you have difficulty controlling it but she would appreciate it if you let her finish her sentence so she can fully listen to and understand yours.

Fidgeting and squirming don’t annoy her. She’s a Hero and a teacher. She’s become desensitized to all sorts of restlessness. Though she is in the same boat as Aizawa in that, if you’re a clicker or tapper, she’ll ask if you could find something else to fidget with. But she won’t snap at you as he may. She has a serious soft spot for her partner and rarely raises her voice.

However, those times when your anger gets sparked because your lotion bottle broke or you thought you had more of your favorite chips and you lash out when she asks what’s wrong, she’ll get defensive from time to time and might snap back. It depends on how long her day was and how tired/stressed she is. Most of the time she can reel herself back, realizing you’re not angry at her. But if she had a hard day, her retort comes quickly and sharply. It’s enough to make you pause, recognizing how you reacted to her simple question. When you apologize, she will too, wanting to make up as soon as possible.

Her quirk is quite convenient for overstimulation. If you give your consent, she can emit a tiny amount of her aroma to relax you. If you need serious instant relief, she can put you to sleep. But she won’t rely on her quirk every single time. She doesn’t like completely knocking you out. Any self-soothing techniques you use, she’ll read about and work out ways she can provide you with what you need.

Nemuri will have to change her outlook on sex a little bit. She’s very dominant, loves being the active partner, and dips (more than a little) into sadism. But she’s experienced. She’s aware her kinks aren’t always liked. Before you’re ever intimate, she’ll sit down with you to set clear and defined boundaries about what you can take. If pain is something you can’t handle or just don’t want, she’s fine without it. Her love for you is more important than her kinks. 

[glitterytidalwavedragon]

Seto Kaiba Relationship Head Cannons (Manga & Post DSOD Kaiba)

This is my head cannon for Manga Kaiba. The reason why I added DSOD is because the movie is meant to take place six months after the events of the manga. For those who haven’t read the manga you need to read it! The characters have such different dynamics and it is insane how much of it’s own story it is, the anime is definitely in an AU of it’s own. Fair warning, this one is a bit darker then my other two. This is ReaderxKaiba.

Teenage (before DSOD): 

Kaiba is not one to hide what their thinking, unless it is related to some grand master plan of his, so the moment he feels even an ounce of something, it will be known. 

Kaiba is also aware of teenage lust, desires and impulses, but doesn’t know how to handle them with anything but aggression. 

When confronting you with his “feelings” expect to be cornered, alone, and there to be uncomfortably close physical contact. If Kaiba wants to touch you, he will, but he won’t assault you. 

Kaiba wants you to want him. So he will make you very aware of his motives whenever you are near. 

Kaiba will count you both in a relationship, of some weird (probably unheathy) kind once he tells you he plans to make you his.

This proves to be hell for Joey, who believes you deserve better. Kaiba will try, and often succeed, in ripping down Joey whenever he interferes. 

Kaiba must prove he is the alpha male you need. It can get very overwhelming. 

Then comes the second problem. Yugi is a very friendly soul, the Pharaoh is a friend you enjoy playing with. Kaiba will not approve of this by any means. 

Kaiba will mistakenly think the Pharaoh is a rival in not only duel monsters, but in acquiring your affections. A duel over you or you becoming a prize in BC is of high likelihood if you have not accepted Kaiba’s feelings by this point.

But warned if you do accept Kaiba’s feelings, it is not an easy ride. 

Kaiba will push to be physical right away. The boy craves affection of any kind and sex is made out to be the “ultimate way of proving love and affection”, he will need to be rejected. A lot. 

Kaiba will not understand gifts, small tokens, surprises and acts of kindness you show him. In the beginning he would always buy something for you in turn, thinking you only did these things to get something. 

Kaiba will also get extremely paranoid and angry if you cancel on him or delince to see him to hang out with another male, i.e. Joey and Yugi. You can expect him to make an appearance at some point. 

Worse, Kaiba might send his little brother to spy on you during these events. Be kind to the boy, he will be a much needed ally later. 

Side Note: Should you break up with Kaiba...Congratulations, you have a stalker that will take about a year of heartache and life destroying madness to be rid of. (He will never take you back).

It would take Yugi’s, Mokuba and You to get Kaiba use to TLC that doesn’t involve a bedroom. It is best to avoid sleeping with him at all cost before he understands you really do love him. 

Kaiba knowing someone loves him will make him panic. 

Kaiba will try to do anything to show you how much of a monster he is, even going so far as to give you the body count he racked up. 

Kaiba is determined to prove he can’t be truly loved and reject all thoughts of it.

This is where the longest and hardest park of the relationship hits. 

Kaiba will be afraid of physical affection at this point but, as long as you don’t care how many he may have murdered, ruined, or coaxed into self-harm, he won’t be to far from you. 

Expect years of proving your love for him. Kaiba will also explain that you will be his only relationship he will ever have.

Kaiba really is all or nothing. 

Adult Post DSOD:

Kaiba has become mild in his actions at this point. Somewhat. 

Happen to be at his favorite, quiet bar, run by Yakaza, well Kaiba will buy your next drink. Accepting the drink will trigger Kaiba to come over. 

Kaiba being a flirt is an understatement. The man is smoother than the scotch in his glass. 

Kaiba is also a dick, as he will quote poetry or classic literature as a test. Should you point out at least 60% of his phrases correctly you will end up getting his number, fail...at least he left you in a nice hotel room. 

Kaiba wants a brain, and is shockingly not shallow. Many people had underestimated him due to his age and appearance, and had to prove them wrong, so he waits to see the mind of the person. 

Should you manage to keep his interest, expect gifts. 

Kaiba will send very expensive gifts that boarder uncomfortable. 

Kaiba still has many of his old insecurities, he will buy your interest if he has to.

Kaiba understands physical affection and sex are two different creatures that could be the same thing at times. You will need to be affectionate. 

Kaiba shall declare you both in a relationship after at least three months of dating. This comes with a few problems. 

Kaiba finds your car too old, gets you a new one but doesn’t tell you he has a tracker installed. Your phone? He already cracked it. Someone broke into your apartment? It was one of Kaiba’s goons installing cameras to ensure you’re not cheating. 

Kaiba does not handle rejection well, should you freak out on him and belittle him expect him to become destructive...with your things being what is destroyed. 

Kaiba’s temper, even in a relationship is to lash out at anything around him, dueling him when he’s upset will aid in getting him back to baseline. Also saves the furniture. 

Kaiba is shockingly easy to tame if given the proper affection and emotional outlets. If dueling can’t be done, give the man food to chop, you’ll have the best diced vegetables you’ve ever seen. Knife a bad idea? Play a video game where he can shoot or beat the hell out of someone. Stuck in a car with nothing around for miles, lap dances can work to. 

Kaiba can not handle tears, his solution is to throw things your way. Expect him to order you food or a stuffed BEWD. 

Kaiba will go into self-loathing if he causes the tears, you have to pull him out of himself as he will avoid you and won’t keep eye-contact. Man freaks out over failure, making you cry means he failed at the relationship. 

Kaiba is much easier to love, however, he will reveal his crazy, crazy and expect you not to flee or flinch. So when he comes home in blood and a hot gun, offer to burn his clothing and bury the weapon in a park somewhere. Just don’t ask questions. 

Cuddling is a big part of showing Kaiba affection. Kaiba will NEVER ask to be cuddled, but should you put yourself in the position, he will accept it. 

Communication is also off with Kaiba. 

Kaiba will communicate with his eyes, a lot. It is the most expressive thing about him. His face can say nothing but his eyes tells all. 

Kaiba is also a very tender lover when in a proper relationship. The man still expects nothing to last so during these moments he takes his sweet time to savor every moment. 

Kaiba will have to be coaxed into marriage. Marriage comes with a lot of risk and trust. He would be content with being partners for life, it’s far less terrifying than a piece of paper. 

Kaiba is loyal to a fault, he expects the same. Any male in your life needs to be introduced to him. Be ready with their name, relation, job and how long you knew them. You best be ready to cut off old boyfriends who are now friends. 

Did we mention that Kaiba is possessive. Kaiba is possessive and will never let you get far enough where he can’t get you within minutes. 

Hope you all enjoyed this! Manga Kaiba is such a beast of a man...still want him though. Ugh! Kaiba-Senpai! Such a beautiful man. 

Find all my Kaiba fanfics HERE!

[boncorner]

HUMAN HERMES ADHD HEADCANONS

TYPE :

Hyperactive-Impulsive ADHD

DIAGNOSIS :

Has been diagnosed since early age, for all his father's flaws, he could tell this was one hyperactive child.

MEDICATION :

Has tried many different medications but decided on methylphenidate in the end, since the immediate effect worked best for his lifestyle.

THERAPY :

Has received therapy throughout his life and still sees a psychologist who specialises in the condition every now and then, but he often cancels on them since he feels like he's got no need for it anymore.

FIXATIONS :

Has more past interests than Aphrodite had lovers. Here's a list of things he's fallen in love with at some point then just kinda continued on enjoying but never really mastered because he found something new :

Biking | Gymnastics | Swimming | Dirt-Biking | Skateboarding | Rollerskating | Parkour | Streetdancing | Breakdancing | Cars | Motorcycles | Comics (specifically comic strips) | Quick live sketching

And a short list of things he never gets tired of ever because they're his eternal fixations :

Running | Animal care | Horseback Riding | Astrology | Gambling (more on that later)

STIMMING :

√ Body

Can't sit still, always on the go, drumming his fingers or hands against a surface or humming to a tune that isn't playing anywhere. He'll also occasionally make his own sound effects, like shwoop, clang, bang, pa-chah!

Mainly stims using his feet; tapping, kicking, switching weight from one foot to the other, jumping, rocking back and forth. He'll also play with his piercings, like the smiley right below his lip, or softly spinning his nose piercing while he's thinking.

√ Jewellery

Has jewellery that's subtly designed to work as stim-toys, like dangling earrings or chains with parts which you can spin or flick. At first he thought it a little overkill, but it really does help him focus on what he's doing when he's making a trade or studying somebody's pokerface.

√ Wings

If your human Hermes has wings a la reincarnation or some other fun flavour, he could also ruffle the feathers or stretch them subconsciously every now and again.

PROCESSING :

√ Thoughts

His mind runs faster than most people's do, and he can get frustrated when others aren't understanding what he's talking about, when he's really jumped ahead of the conversation by like 4 steps and the other doesn't even know what happened at step 2 or 3, or what topic they're on. It can almost feel like time travelling sometimes! Where most of what actually happened is still stuck in Hermes' head, and you just can't get him to share it because how do you not Know This already??

He's also prone to getting distracted mid-conversation and interrupt you with his own thoughts on something, or to throw something in that he Just thought about, which will later feed his RSD (see later)

√ Speech

If you speak too slowly or don't get to the point fast enough, you also risk causing him understimulation fatigue, and he'll get antsy and restless, or even bored and tired. More often than not he'll end up losing track of your conversation, start thinking about his own thing, then realise you're still talking and he has no idea what you're talking About and Oh No time to Bullshit his way outta this one!

That, or he's already started talking about something completely different out of nowhere like how water isn't actually wet or something.

The risk of speaking to him also of course comes with the risk of his brain just deciding to Not Process That Right Now, and he might have to act like he totally knew what you were saying but really it all sounded like complete gibberish.

Also sort of on the topic but needless to mention he speaks very quickly and will sometimes almost run the conversation all on his own, and occasionally stumbles on his words and has to let out a little Bluh while sticking out his tongue til he finds his words again.

✓ Sound

He's pretty good with sound and loves a good beat, and turning up the volume way high, but low repetitive noises are his enemy, and they will completely throw off his focus when he's trying to do something. The sound of a dog barking a bit away over and over every 3 minutes is driving him mad, and the soft ticking of a clock is throwing off his thoughts something insane. Talking in another room might make him unable to think clearly, and writing and listening at the same time is just Not happening.

√ Touch

He comes across as really inviting and friendly, but he doesn't like being touched unless it's on his conditions and his conditions alone. He can initiate hugs, but if you suddenly go for him without him being totally for it, he might panic like a bird being grabbed by a big hand. Just like with a bird, you need to show him what you're about to do next. He may seem hasty and wild, but he's really more delicate and alert.

Worth mentioning is also clothes, he loves loose fitting yet stylish outfits, and you can notice him fidget and twist when he's wearing things just a little too stiff or fancy.

√ Sight + Smells

He's fine with most lights and smells, save if he's overstimulated of course.

ADDICTION (TW: Drugs)

Addiction is a Problem when you have ADHD, especially when it turns out to be a way to self-medicate if you don't have the means to do so yourself. While he does have these means, he's slipped into gambling (slot machines, dice and cards are his favourites), mild drug use (pills mostly), smoking (with the help of Charon), as well as those damn energy drinks...

Auctions are also dangerous cough... And buying things you don't actually need. But the worst one is the rush of stealing. When he's feeling down or stresses about money, taking something valuable makes him feel more in control, giving him a rush and a spur of confidence. You'll sometimes find outfits in his wardrobe that just don't match his bank account...

RSD [Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria]

He may seem cool and aloof, but he overthinks everything you say about him. His family says he talks too much? Now he'll ask you if he should shut up, apologise for going on tangents, and stop himself in the middle of talking about something he loves because he caught himself talking "too much". You tell him one thing in the wrong tone of voice, and he'll laugh it off, then go home and spiral into the dark abyss of "I guess I'm an annoying piece of shit and they actually hate me haha". It also works against him that his impulsivity makes him blurt out things that he ends up regretting down the line.

[skyeofloxlay]

Personality / Brief history / important things about MC / Reader for my fanfics or when I make requests.

Okay, I decided to do this more for myself when I make a request to someone, but this is also useful to let you know a little more about the MC / "reader" of my fanfics.

The MC is a cis-woman of almost 1.60cm in height, (age may vary) but generally the age will be between 20 and 23. She is heterosexual/straight (I don't know if there is a difference between the two things, but I don't understand why I would have two words for the same thing) and usually in fanfics she has never had a boyfriend before the character she will be together with (be it Jake (Duskwood), Jason (Todd), Spencer (Reid) or any other character). 

She was born in Brazil and lived a large part of her life there, and depending on what story she is in, she makes an interchange trip abroad because of college, and because of that she lives far from her family and lives alone, but she has her faithful companion, a male Schnauzer dog (his name in fanfics is undetermined.)

MC has always been a lonely person, because after several events in the past she does not trust people easily, and the only people she does trust are her family, but she still has trouble talking about her problems to them.

Furthermore, MC is a very shy, introverted, anti-social person and suffers from social phobia, which of course, is a perfect combo to be an alien in society and not be able to make friends, even if she wants to.

MC also doesn't know where it all started from, but she does know that she has probably suffered from anxiety for many, many years, even though she only discovered it a short time ago, and went to get help even less time ago.

Because of anxiety, she ends up being stuck in her own world, or I should call it, hell itself. Her mind is a mess, bad, unreal and meaningless thoughts invade her mind all the time, and because she has been this way for so long without help and not knowing what to do, her situation has worsened to the point where her anxiety starts to change into a depressive anxiety.

However, as much as she has been suffering with her own mind for years, she can always count on her family whenever she needs them, even if they are distant from each other, they are inseparable. 

Her father, as much as he doesn't understand most of the things she goes through, supports her and wants the best for MC, and so he does what he can to help MC pay for psychological treatment, and even though he doesn't understand, he always makes her smile and laugh, even when the situations are bad, even though he was always busy because of work, he always did what he could to be together, even in the simplest things, like family lunch, playing video games, watching movies, shopping together.

Her mother, on the other hand, has been through similar things like MC, and always try to help her the way she can, always speaking encouraging words, helping MC to do her things when she couldn't, sleeping next to the MC when she couldn't sleep because of anxiety, always being by her side, always supporting any decision, no matter the situation, MC's mom will always be there to hear her, either to hear about something that MC wants to do a lot or when she has some fear. 

And there is also her younger brother (3 years younger), as much as they ended up arguing for silly things, he is her best friend, maybe her only true friend, always having fun together doing what they like, protecting each other, always being one for another, even when it was not known which words were right to say.

MC is blessed to have such an amazing family, and as much as she couldn't say "I love you, you are everything to me" to them, she loved them with all her heart and soul, and she couldn't say what would happen to her if she lost them, but probably something really bad would happen.

As much as it seemed that MC doesn't care about other people, maybe looking selfish and boring to others, she cares a lot about others, but she knows that this is also one of the big reasons why she suffers from anxiety, caring for others more than for herself, and for her own mental health, she had to try not to think so much about the problems of the world that she cannot solve. 

Some people may think that she was wrong in doing this, but she wanted to have some sanity, even if little and trying to recover, than to go crazy with things that are impossible to fix, at least impossible for her to fix.

(Some other things about MC, but now simpler, because I'm out of time and too lazy, help me)

- Very distracted

- Very clumsy

- Nerd

- Dreamer / lost in her own world

- Impulsive

- Impatient

- Think too much about everything

- Studious

- Lonely

- Forgotten

- Problems with deadlines, do everything at the last minute.

- Avoid fights / arguments with people she doesn't know, but if it's someone close and it's a silly fight, she'll defend that she's right until the end, if she's wrong in the fight, she'll just be quiet for a while. If it is a serious fight, she will argue for some time until the tears stop her from continuing, and then she will be silent for a long time.

- Too stubborn

- Sarcastic with the closest people

- Always try to look for the good in people, but it is impossible for her to achieve kindness in certain people.

- Pessimistic

- Very sensitive / hurts / cries easily

- Perfectionist

- Very insecure

- She cannot express in words what she feels for other people

Likes:

Chocolate

Coffee

Rainy days

Winter

Music (Mainly, pop and  rock)

To drive

Flowers

Taking pictures (mainly of landscapes)

Animals

Old things, like things related to the 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s, or things from centuries ago

History

Books

Learn things

Horror stuff (games, books, movies)

Mystery

Horseback riding

Nature

Farms

See the city lights at night

Night

Games (both video games and board / cards)

Comics, Movies, Series etc about Superheroes

Mexican food

Travel

Psychology / Understanding the human mind

Buy drawing materials and books (even though she will never use / read them)

Big clothes

Wind

Ride a bike

Explore Abandoned Places

Dislikes:

Summer

Hot days

Insects

Spiders

Her mind

Who annoy her

People fighting

See things or people comment on things related to death or illness

Having to be patient

Who speak ill of her family

Working in a group

That people belittle her feelings

Parties

People

Delays

Alcoholic beverages

Buy clothes

Make up

High heels

Short dresses

Physics

Fears / Phobias / Things that bother her:

Spiders

Falling / High height

To drown

Die

Getting seriously ill

Dark / Night

To sleep

People

Speak in public

Losing her family

Stay alone

Crowds

Closed places

Tight clothes (Because she feels they are suffocating her)

Arrive late

Forget things

Having a car accident

Never be loved / Stop being loved

Future

May her fears come true

Skills:

- To draw

- Write

- Cook

- Game programming 

- Sing

- Play keyboard and guitar

- To compose

- To dance

Hobbies:

Basically, it's her skills + reading + playing video games + taking pictures of the landscape.

Job:

Usually she either works as a waitress in a coffee shop or works in a supermarket (working at the checkout or replacing products on shelves)

As much as many find it strange, MC is very happy in her work, and does not mind working in "simple" jobs (basically jobs that earn little), and as much as she doesn't have much money, just enough to live reasonably well, she is happy with what she has and doesn't care about the money.

College: 

She studies digital game design

I think that's it, there are some other things that I only do when I'm writing specific situations, for example, MC's opinions on certain subjects, and honestly I don't have time at the moment to make the MC's different opinions, and just say that she tries to be as neutral as she can, because she knows that extremes are never good, and that when asked which side she is in a situation (depending on what it is, but usually she says), she says doesn't have a side because it doesn’t identify herself by either side, because both are extreme, and this usually leads people to think that it’s on the fence, but it’s not like that, it’s more or less. "You were teleported to a place, there are two paths, one on the right and the other on the left, at the beginning of each of these paths there is a person, each talking about their paths and talking about why their path is the best of than the other and why you should follow their path. And then you must make a choice of which path to follow " But MC does not agree with either side, and will not wait there to see which side gives her the best benefit as many would do, she goes there and moves on, where there is no path, where there is no one, because she doesn't want to be on anyone's side, she wants to make her own opinions, and not follow what a group is saying. 

Oh, and one of the philosophies she follows is of yin and yang, which says something like "There is good and there is evil, both need each other to exist, there is no good without evil, and no there is evil without good, and that nothing can be completely good or evil, since, however small, there is evil in good, and there is good in evil. "

Some phrases she would say:

"You can say anything about me, but don't come and talk about my family"

"I can't always do it, but I always try to be balanced, because I know that nothing comes out of extremism, no matter which side."

"I'm a Christian, I may not have proofs but I believe in God, but I don't believe everything in the Bible because it was made by humans, and I know that many of them used and still use people's faith to do very bad things . "

"Sorry, but I suck at remembering names, in fact, I suck at remembering."

"Shit, I knew I was forgetting something."

"I hate logic, most of these things don't make any sense!"

"At least I have you with me here DN" (DN = dog name)

"There is nothing that is not so bad that it cannot get worse"

"I think I celebrated too soon"

"I sleep! But no matter what I do, I will be forever sleepy!"

"No matter what I do, my thoughts disturb me from the moment I wake up until bedtime, and even while I'm asleep. And it happens every day."

"Sometimes ... I think ... people would be better off if I didn't exist. I just hinder and hurt people." 

"I don't know when or how it started, I just know that I have been scared forever"

"I don't do it because I want to! It's not my fault if I'm easily distracted"

"I think writing is the only way to say what I feel"

"Yes, I know, I'm crazy, you don't have to tell me that"

"I'm not a normal person. Maybe I'm not even a human? What if I'm an alien and I don't know? A synthetic human? A robot with high artificial intelligence that is identical to that of humans?"

"I don't like to be afraid, but I love to see and read horror stuff."

"I love old things, they are so fascinating"

"What day is it today?"

"I just wanted to have a little courage that other people have"

"I have no hope of anything, as always, every time I had hope, very bad things happened, close people and pets died when I had hope that they would survive. For me, hope has long since died."

"I think, in a way, I am a miracle, just like my brother. I mean, it was almost impossible for my mom to have a baby, and look, here I am."

"I'm not cute!"

"I'm not short, I'm average height, it's the rest of the people who are very tall"

(Maybe I wrote a lot? Did I overdo it?)

Sorry if there is something confusing or errors in English 

[teenyfish]

Marine Biology Story of the Day #10

Hello all.  This post was kinda delayed because I spent all day cleaning out my pool (it’s an above ground pool—my COVID 19 impulse purchase) because a hurricane came through and it’s full of dead insects and leaves among other things.  The joys of living right on the coast 😊

Thanks for all of your interest and support on my shrimp research—it’s nice to know that people are interested in the little guys too.  So today, we are going to talk about how all of my interest in tiny fish got started—my master’s program and my thesis.  

SOoooo…originally I wasn’t planning on getting my masters because it sounded like a lot of work but then I changed my mind last minute when I started looking at job applications and saw that for many of them, you needed a masters—so I ended up becoming a master’s student at the same University that I did my undergrad at—called Christopher Newport University.  It’s a teeny public school in Virginia near the Chesapeake Bay. And the reason I chose to do this is because I would be working under Dr. Jessica Thompson, who in hindsight, was probably the best advisor I could have had.

Dr. Thompson is a wonderful human being with many beautiful tattoos, and can definitely drink me under the table, and raises chickens in the middle of a city, but she is also pure and wholly supportive—something that I really needed during that period of my life.  She also exclusively studied a wonderful teeny tiny fish:  Fundulus heteroclitus, or the Mummichog.

(The males are the ones with the stripes and bright shiny scales and the female is the drabber one)

Her research focuses on this little fish because it is one of the hardiest fish on the east coast.  It primarily lives in shallow water salt marsh habitats (intertidal marshes). These shallow water habitats often have very extreme temperature and salinity changes, as shallow water heats and cools up much faster than deep water.  So they can survive in a wide range of temperatures, salinities, and dissolved oxygen conditions—I call them the cockroaches of the sea (except they are much cuter).  They are also a very important food resources for a TON of marine and coastal predators.

They were also the first fish in space—and they were used in spatial orientation studies.  You see, in space, animals and plants can lose all sense of up and down because there is no gravity—however in a few days, this fish were able to figure out their spatial orientation (possibly due to orienting to the overhead light source?). Anyway, they are incredible little babies.

(NASA scientist John Boyd choosing the first two fish (and fish eggs) to leave planet earth)

Because they can move into the very shallow intertidal marsh area (the part where the grasses grow) they can avoid predators during high tide, and this area of the marsh is chock full of food for them, mostly in the form of small zooplankton and worms that live in the mud.  But during low tide, this part of the habitat dries up, and they are forced out into the deeper subtidal creeks of the marsh, where they get to be in cooler water, but they are at the mercy of predators, and there is less food.

(everything in the open water is subtidal, everything between tidal flat and low marsh is intertidal)

My aspect of this research involved looking at behavior choices made by these guys when presented with “intertidal marsh” habitat filled with food and marsh grass (their preferred habitat), however we cranked the temperature up to 34-40 oC (93—104 oF), OR a empty “subtidal creek” habitat with no food or structure, but at their optimum temperature for growth at 26 oC (79 oF). 34-40 oC is an EXTREMELY high temperature for fish to be able to function at—most fish begin shutting down their metabolism at these temperatures (aka dying).  But supposedly, Mummichog can deal with these temps.  There thermal maxima (upper temperature at which they can function) is reported to be 42 oC.

So I had to construct an experimental tank.  

These were some of the first iterations of the tank—we had to do a lot of practice runs before we got the design just right.  The concept is the same—we used this corrugated plastic (the same you use to make those political signs ppl stick in their front yard) to form two sections, one for warm, one for cold, and a box in the middle that we would remove a door and allow for the fish to swim out.  Once the fish chose a side (remained on a side for more than 10 seconds) we would close them off from the rest of the tank—they made a “choice”. In later iterations of the design, we covered the tank in more of the plastic to hide them from us (so they wouldn’t show fear behaviors) and put in fake salt marsh grass on the warm side to mimic an intertidal marsh habitat.  Fish were also fed pieces of cut up shrimp on the warm side.   We ran 3 trials at increasing temperatures for each run, and during each trial, the fish were run through the tank simulation once a day for three weeks.  

In order to get fish for this study, we had to catch wild fish. To catch them, we set minnow traps in the small channels leading into the intertidal marsh at low tide, and as the tide came in, and fish funneled into these channels, they became trapped in our minnow traps.

(examples of minnow traps, and our collection site in Norfolk) 

Problem was, in order to get out to these sites, we had to slog through some serious mud.  I’m talking about sink up to your thigh levels of mud y’all (and this really bothered me, I’m super claustrophobic).  So in order not to get trapped in the mud, we had to wear mudders, which are a little bit like snowshoes (in concept?) but also not like snowshoes at all.  They were like boxes you strapped onto your feet with plastic sticking out on the side which was meant to make your footprint bigger (and therefore give you more support on the mud).  They worked pretty well but they always gave me major bruises on my ankles as the plastic pressed up and into my ankles.  I had to buy some foam padding to wrap around my ankles it was so bad.

Once we got our sweet little babies, I would tag each of them individualy so I could keep track of individual fish.  I did this with a combination of Visible Implant Alpha Tags, which are florescent and have individual numbers on them, or Visible Implant Elastomer Tag, which are made of a non-toxic elastomer “paint” and come in 9 colors, so you can create an individual code for each individual by combining 2 colors. These tags are injected under the skin so that they are still visible (fish skin is pretty transparent) but are not very deep in the muscle tissue. These are really great tags to use on really small fish. We used MS-Tricane to anesthetize the fish and inject them, so basically I’ve done fish surgery. You can check out these tags at Northwest Marine Technology—I still use them now!  I’m using them on a current project.  

(left, a VI Alpha Tag on a trout, right, two different colors of VI elastomer tags on a flounder) 

And our fish did really well after tagging—we had no tagging mortalities!

Once we ran these fish through all three trials, it was time to analyze data. We calculated the fish’s dominant “choice” by calculating the proportion of days during the trial they chose the “warm side”—if their proportion was 90%, they had a high affinity for choosing the warm side, 30% they had a low affinity for choosing the warm side and instead more often chose the cool side for example.  Then we put this data into environmental models to see if temperature influenced their choices.

And the result?

You read it here first folks.  These little fish decided to swim into upwards of 104 o C water regularly to get food—they were so food motivated—and most fish chose the warm side over the cool side most often during every trial.  However there was a decent amount of variation—there was a contingent of fish that went into the cool side more often as temperature rose, and would forgo eating for comfort, but overall, the fish chose the warm side.  This shows that these fish may be able to adapt quickly as temperatures rise—and those that choose to move into warmer, shallower waters to access food will more likely survive to reproduce (since they choose to be in regions with less predators and more food).  This means they are more likely to pass on their warm water acclimating genes to their offspring, continuing their species ability to deal with extreme temperatures on to the next generations.  

My thesis defense obviously went well, and I got my masters, but I’ve kept my interest for the smaller fish and invertebrate species because they form one of the base levels of our ocean ecosystems and serve as a very important food resource to larger predators.  I’d like to credit Dr. Thompson for giving me this interested and giving me the appreciation for these little and underappreciated animals.  She and I have kept in touch—she was actually at my wedding last May, and when my dad got in a major accident (four days before I was supposed to defend my thesis) she came to the hospital and helped me through it, and also helped me push back my defense one semester so I could recuperate from the trauma a little.  I am extremely grateful for her tutelage, and I’m grateful for these sweet little babies.

Thanks for reading, and as always, if you have any questions about the field work or the research, PLEASE do not hesitate to ask or comment.

[jeannereames]

Do you think Alexander had some kind of personality disorder or anger issues, or was it just a natural reaction of growing up in an extremely harsh world where he had to fight to survive. How do you think he felt about becoming king at such an early age? In the books, it honestly seems like he isn't completely comfortable with sacrificing and other roles of the king. Historically he wasn't exaclty the prime example of a good person, but negativity breeds negativity, and he had a tough life...

I think it’s virtually impossible, at this remove, to say much about just how much he had “anger management issues” in large part because of the “moral overlay” of our source-reporting. I’ve mentioned before that Romanizing of the sources is a problem, and while I don’t go as far as some of my colleagues, that Romanizing is definitely *there*, especially in sources such as Plutarch, who makes no bones about it. He flat *says* he’s not writing history, he’s writing biography. And furthermore, he was pairing up ancient figures (one Greek, one Roman), then writing “conclusions” about each man’s failures (and sometimes virtues). Alex was paired with--you guessed it--good ol’ Julius Caesar.

It’s particularly in Alexander’s presentation of anger and a lack of self-control when he’s angry (or drunk) that I find the Romanizing arguments to be the most convincing.

That may not make Alexander out to be any better, as it could cast some of his most ruthless acts as coldly calculated, rather than a spontaneous outburst of fury. But some of the more damning events in his career, from the razing of Thebes to the burning of Persepolis, where guilt is partly displaced in the sources (onto Perdikkas, with Thebes, and onto Thais, with Persepolis), if we look at EVENTS, not what the sources *say*, we get a different picture--especially at Persepolis.

Given all the *other* evidence, it looks as if Alexander deliberately intended to burn Persepolis, and then staged it for maximum effect. An Athenian *woman* gets revenge on the Persians for Xerxes’s burning of Athens. (For the surrounding evidence, archaeology reveals the burning was highly *specific*, not at all the sort of burn one would expect from an accidental fire, AND every scrap of moveable wealth was taken out of the palace before the burning.) I absolutely do not think Alexander got drunk and was talked into starting a bonfire by a pretty lady.

Likewise, the smear job against Perdikkas for Thebes is found--notably--in *Arrian*, who heavily used Ptolemy’s account. And Ptolemy was one of Perdikkas’s #1 enemies later. In fact, Perdikkas was murdered (by his own men) while attacking Ptolemy in Egypt.

As noted, the “re-read” of these events doesn’t necessarily make him look any better; as you note, he’s not exactly a prime example of a good person. But both of them were strategic, one to keep Greece pacified behind him, the other to prevent the crowning of a native Persian challenger to his own claim to be Great King. Neither worked entirely. (Agis of Sparta would eventually lead a revolt that Antipatros had to quash, and first Besus then Spitamenes claimed the upright tiara without the usual ceremonial crowning at Parsagadae and Persepolis.) But both of them were calculated moves on his part.

In general, Alexander did not act in impulsively, even when our sources try to paint him as doing so. And I think he, himself, liked to present himself as “hot blooded.” But he was still extremely, extremely “cold-minded” when it came to his decisions. In the modern world, many countries have a specific category of crime called a “crime of passion,” and if/when these are proved, the sentencing for them is typically much lighter. So as much as we may censure people for losing control, in another way, we--weirdly--admire it, or at least excuse it. Alexander acting out of “passion” is somehow less awful than if he made some of his more violent decisions with a cool head.

One thing that is, I think, crucial to remember is--as you note--he grew up in a harsh environment and had a tough life. That’s true.

Even more, however, that entire world was, by modern standards, violent.

We’re sheltered from a lot of what was commonplace to them. We go into the local grocery and buy our pre-packaged, maybe even pre-cooked meat. We don’t go out to hunt it ourselves. Most of us don’t live on farms, or have any contact with animal husbandry, nor have we ever been to a slaughterhouse. My son doesn’t even like to eat things that have bones in them, as it’s a reminder it was once alive. And now it’s not, and he’s ingesting it.

In Alexander’s world, EVERYbody had witnessed animal sacrifice, and had probably even participated in it, up to and including wielding the knife. Men went hunting regularly, and not just for the stewpot. Women wrung the necks of chicken and geese, much as my grandmothers used to do, then plucked and dressed them. Little kids helped, sometimes including the skinning of catches. To live, you have to kill, in their world. Bloodletting was normal in a way that’s wholly unfamiliar to us today.

And death was right next to you. Dead bodies weren’t hidden away in nursing homes or cremated before family members could see it. Instead, the women of the house were responsible for washing and preparing the dead for their laying out. Diseases we blow off today could be fatal. Babies weren’t named for days after birth, in part to see if they were likely to live. And childhood disease carried off upwards of 15-20% of infants inside their first year. Death in childbirth was a genuine fear, not a shocking surprise. Even getting a cut that became infected could result in the loss of a limb, or outright death. There’s a reason cult for Asklepios, the Greek god of healing, was both ubiquitous and fervent, and both infants and children were swathed in little amulets to protect them. Warriors carried those too.

So yes. This was a brutal world, one where luck (Tykhe) could fail you at any minute. And until the spread of the Mystery Cults, the Greeks really didn’t see the afterlife as anything all that great. The epitaphs on graves of the archaic period are pretty uniformly depressing, and it doesn’t improve much in the classical.

Basically, for them, life was rough, harsh, and sometimes short...and then being dead was even worse. That explains a great deal about their very competitive society. You kill to stay alive. Nice guys finish last. There’s no such thing as a “tie” in a sporting event (and one of the most popular, the pankration, sometimes ended with one or both participants dead). And humility is not a virtue.

So when you position Alexander in THAT context, and add to it growing up in the fishbowl of the Macedonian court with possibly competitive siblings, the fact he was so enormously successful almost necessitates a willingness to be utterly ruthless. The fact he *wasn’t* as brutal as Genghis Khan in achieving his success is sort of surprising. He actually displayed empathy at quite a few points.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 249

So, funny story, I was going to watch Episode 250 this morning, and my DVD player quit working, so I had to go to the store and buy another one.   For those of you keeping score, this is the third external disc player I’ve used on this project. 

My best guess is that the mechanism that actually reads the DVD’s is getting worn out somehow.    The first player I used could do Blu-Rays too, and it still can.    It can play CD’s too, anything as long as it’s not a DVD.   You put one in and it acts like you stuffed a cookie in there by mistake.     The second one’s doing the same thing now, only it never had Blu-Ray capability, because I just wanted a cheap standby to get me through this liveblog.   Hopefully this third one will last.    I’ve only got 43 episodes and five movies to go.

Anyway, I’m wondering if my gif-making procedure is what’s wearing these things out so quickly.   For 248, I spent a lot of time moving the playback slider on VLC Media Player, trying to recapture the footage so I could get what I needed.    Most of my gifs are a little quicker.    I have a rough idea how many frames of animation I can use, and I’ve gained a better sense of what I want and what my “aesthetic” is, for lack of a better term.    So usually I can get what I need on the second or third pass.    For Episode 248, I had some trouble, so I kept going back and replaying a few seconds of video from that disc, and I wonder if all that jumping around messed up the thing that reads DVD’s. ��

The discs are totally unaffected by this, I know that much.  I watched 249 on the second player before it died, and I just watched 250 on the third player.  What concerns me is that one of these years it’s going to get harder to find the hardware to play these things.   I picked up these last two from Wal-Mart for under thirty bucks, but you used to be able to buy VHS players at Wal-Mart and now you can’t.    I still have machines that’ll play the discs, and I think that’ll always be so, but I fear that it’ll get harder and harder to hook one up to a computer for gif making and screencaps.   

Well, that’s a problem for another day.    Today, Goku’s going back to Otherworld with Fortuneteller Baba, and this time he’s not coming back (ohhhhhhh, brother).  For what it’s worth, she agrees with his decision to leave the fate of the Earth in the hands of the living.   Personally, I don’t think Goku had much choice. 

At King Yemma’s place, the line is backed up from all the millions of Earthlings being killed by Majin Buu.   Yemma’s job is to judge each soul and determine their respective fate in the afterlife.    I guess he’s pretty quick in general, but this is enough to tax even his system.

Goku cuts in line and asks about Gohan, since everyone but Videl thinks Buu already killed him.   But Yemma can’t find him on the rolls, and he’s sure he would have remembered Goku’s son if he ever came through.    So Goku has proof that Gohan survived, and he’s thrilled.    Now Gohan can still help the others against Majin Buu.

But before Goku can celebrate this, Yemma informs him about Dabura’s death.    The flashback shows him being dragged before Yemma by his employees, which reminds me a lot of when Cell was brought before Yemma.  Why do these two get to keep their bodies?   Anyway, Yemma would have sent him to hell, but he knows that hell is very similar to the Demon Realm, where Dabura used to rule.  

So instead he consigned him to heaven, which.... okay, you’re the boss, Yemma.   If you think that’s the right call.

So Goku heads out and flies among the golden clouds for a bit, and he notes that Videl was right all along, which I like.    Then he wonders where Gohan’s been all this time.   If he’s not dead, why couldn’t anyone sense his presence on Earth?  So he reaches out with his senses and finally picks him up, but he can’t tell where he’s sensing him.    It’s not on Earth or in Otherworld.    So he just uses Instant Transmission and settles it that way.

And he nearly teleports right into Gohan swinging the Z-SWord.

Kibito’s not thrilled to have another mortal treading the sacred ground of the Supreme Kai Planet, but what can he do?   Apparently Goku could have teleported here whenever he wanted, he just never knew this place existed, and I’m still a little fuzzy on whether the Z-Fighters can sense the Supreme Kai’s ki.  

Goku takes a few swings with the Z-Sword just to see what it’s like.   In the dub he gives Gohan some helpful advice, which was a nice touch, but in the original script he just asks if he can hang out with Gohan until he’s ready to return to Earth.    Also, he wants food, which is just as well, since Gohan would need some eventually anyway.

On the way to... well, I don’t know where these guys are flying to.   My first impulse was to imagine the Supreme Kai has a little place for eating, but not like a house or a palace, more like the clubhouse at a golf course.   They’re gonna go there and eat those little sandwiches with the crusts cut off.    Anyway, Gohan asks Goku about Super Saiyan 3, and Goku’s like “Yeah, I’ll show you when we’re done eatng, son!”  

So, if Gohan, on this plane, could sense Goku using Super Saiyan 3, on Earth, doesn’t that mean someone on Earth could sense Goku using SSJ3 in Otherworld?    Because he would have used it before, at least once, when he first developed the form.  King Kai knew what he was doing as soon as he mentioned it to Majin Buu, so King Kai’s seen him do it off-screen.    But all the characters on Earth, and the Supreme Kai and Kibito were completely surprised by it.   I think about that a lot.

We then flash forward a day later.   I think the dub failed to mention this, which is why I was always confused about this next scene where Goten and Trunks are asleep and Piccolo has to wake them up.

I always thought it was weird how Goku just left and they immediately went to bed, and Piccolo’s coming in like ten minutes later to wake them.   

Anyway, as soon as his back is turned, they immediately go back to sleep, so...

BEST GREEN DAD

Meanwhile, the whole gang is watching this.   Bulma’s like “Yeah, slug my kid.    He deserves it!”

Anyway, this is the scene in the dub where the boys ask Piccolo what’s for breakfast, and he shouts “BREAKFAST?!   YOU’RE HAVING THE FUSION TECHNIQUE FOR BREAKFAST!”

Before they resume training, the boys want to see the Fusion Dance one more time for reference.  Piccolo asks Krillin to help him demonstrate, since he’s seen it before, when Goku did it.  Krillin’s like “Why me?   The others all saw it too!”   And then he looks around and everyone else is gone.   

So they do it and it looks badass, and I’m only sorry that this wouldn’t work for real and Pillin or whatever he’d be called can’t go kick Buu’s ass himself.  

The boys are embrassed to even see this, and Piccolo’s like “Dammit, you were the ones who wanted to see this done again.”

Meanwhile, Gohan’s got the Z-Sword pretty well under control.    He can do majorette twirls with it...

And he can reverse-weild, like Asohka Tano from Clone Wars.   Wait, why didn’t Asohka hold her sabers backwards when she fought Darth Vader in Rebels?  

Never mind that shit, here comes Mongo Majin Buu.   These people were all gathered around a giant TV screen watching news coverage of how Buu has already wiped out two-thirds of the population, and then Buu barges nto the studio and makes faces at the camera to frighten everyone else.    See?  He’s smarter than he lets on.    Anyway, he blows up the whole town after this.

On his way to the next town, he spots a little boy walking by himself and tries to scare him, but the boy can’t recognize him because he’s blind.   He may not even know who Buu is.   

This annoys Buu, who gets a kick out of frightening people before he kills them, so he heals the boy’s eyes just so he can finally see Buu and be afraid.

But it backfires, because the kid is so grateful to be able to see that he thanks Buu profusely.  

Buu asks the kid if he thinks he looks cool, and the kid’s like “Well, you’re literally the first person I’ve ever seen, so I really don’t know.”   But he thinks Buu is cool, simply because he cured his blindness.   This is really kind of fascinating to watch, because you get the sense that Buu’s only been killing and terrorizing people because he genuinely has no idea how else to interact with anything.   It never occurred to him that people could like him, or that he could get them to like him by doing good things.   

The boy tries to reward Buu with the money he was planning to use to buy milk in the next town over, but Buu doesn’t like the taste of it, so he flies off to get the boy actual milk.

And buy “milk”, I mean “he found a man and turned him into a carton of milk.     Buu’s got a long way to go.

So he flies off without even killing the boy, and he seems very pleased with that whole interaction, and then he notices another town and blows it up.  

The message here is that there’s definitely an opportunity here to get Buu to cut this shit out, but how is anyone going to get close enough to him to pull that off?

[the-jennnster]

I don’t put down books often

I’m the kind of reader who sits down to really read a book, who will gobble up a good novel in one sitting, who has to be told to stop reading.

But today I started Bill Konigsberg’s The Music of What Happens, and I think that changed.

I met Bill, actually. He came a local literary festival and, because not many people showed up, we actually got to have a discussion about his work. He was funny, insightful, and had great stories. He was legitimately curious about our thoughts as readers, on both this book and his past works, and he seemed to really love being up there and talking to the maybe seven people in the audience.

I’ll admit, I’ve never read anything of his before. I remember seeing Openly Straight in my school library as a kid, never realizing what it was, but after falling in love with books like Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda and What If It’s Us (both by Becky Albertalli, with Adam Silvera working with her on the latter), I thought The Music of What Happens would be similar and just as enjoyable.

I started it today, at about ten o’ clock. I finished one of my exams super early, and pulled out a book to read while I waited for my classmates to finish (it was a small class, and there was the promise of a round of Cards Against Humanity with six other animation students with anime obsessions and dirty humor).

I immediately loved Jordan. He reminded me of myself in a lot of ways.

Quiet unless he’s with his friends, a writer nervous but still eager to share his works with people he cares about, just enough emo to garner jokes about his darkly-colored wardrobe, enough acne and self-esteem issues to be trapped in endless daydreams of finding someone but knowing he stands no chance.

I got absorbed into the story, enjoying the goofy antics of Max and Jordan as they tried (and often failed) to make an old food truck into a culinary masterpiece, learning more and more about each other, running off to have little adventures, and just generally being goofy kids.

The major conflicts of the book, however, don’t stem from the food truck itself (though it most certainly is a conflict).

[Spoilers below the cut.]

Max is struggling to deal with the aftermath of what he’s slowly realizing was his own rape (he’d initially thought he’d just had a really shitty first time, which... he had, but it’s so much more than that) and Jordan is trying to take care of his mother and keep their house, which they’re about $5,000 behind on.

I’m about three hundred pages in, not quite finished, maybe a hundred out from the end.

Up until this point, Jordan and his mother have had a decent relationship. It’s far from perfect, as they’re both still dealing with the aftershocks of his father’s death four years prior, but it’s alright. She’s loving, she’s very alright with his being gay, and, aside from a few moments here and there where she leaves him to his own devices (which, you may be arguing, he’s almost a senior, he doesn’t need constant adult supervision, but... well, we’ll get to that), she’s there for him.

She did have a gambling problem, his friends do make some jokes about his mom being a little crazy, and Jordan and Max’s “meet cute” was thanks to the fact that Jordan’s mom had a bit of a meltdown at the farmer’s market and impulsively offered Max a job (as she felt like she couldn’t handle it), but overall it’s fine. They have a good relationship for a mother-and-son, especially with all the possible issues that could arise out of the things they’ve gone through.

But there is one little thing that caught my attention, a red flag, if you will.

At one point, Max points out that Jordan’s mother often treats him as if he’s the adult, as Jordan is the one responsible for making money, buying groceries, and ensuring bills get paid (after his mother let the mortgage go for several months). Jordan brushes it off by saying “I’m sure everybody’s relationship with their mom looks weird from the outside.”

That made my stomach pitch, just a little. Reading that interaction, having that pointed out. It was familiar to me, a conversation I’d recognized not from one I’d had with others, but from one I’d had in my head time and time again.

I kept reading, certain that it would just be nothing. As Jordan said, people have different relationships with their moms.

And then he went grocery shopping. Shit had been going down with the food truck, he and Max were in a bit of trouble, and Jordan just decided “fuck it, I’m going to get some healthy food because Mom said she wanted to turn her life around and get healthier”. He got home, and his mom immediately brushed it off. She dismissed his trying to help her, and when he tried to argue, she snapped.

She never hit him. She never threw anything, or threatened him, or even said she hated him.

In fact, this was the scene:

She takes a bite of her Twinkie, and a twinge of something goes through my chest. “That crap will kill you,” I say.

She exaggeratedly lies back and rolls her eyes back into her head like she’s becoming a corpse. “Well hurry up Twinkie,” she says.

“Mom,” I say. “That’s so not funny.”

“Oh my God!” she shouts and I am stunned frozen. “I get it! You’re perfect. I’m a total fuckup. I am so far below acceptable and there’s zero chance that will ever chance. I get it, okay?”

The energy in the room shifts, lightning fast. Dorcas barks and scurries out the dog door, like she feels it. I stare at my mom with my mouth open. Words do not come out. I don’t even have a coherent thought of how to respond to that.

She sighs dramatically. Herstrionically. “Forget it,” she says. “Forget I said anything. I’m not me, okay? I’m not myself. I don’t remember the last fuckin’ time I was myself but it was no time in recent history.”

She closes her eyes, throws the remaining bites of her Twinkie down on the plate in front of her, and stands. “Excuse me. I just need to--” And she walks away toward her bedroom. Moments later, I hear her door close softly.

That is what made me put down my book.

In fact, typing that up, it was probably the first time I read the scene with a clear mind. Reading it initially, I likely only got so far as “I’m a total fuckup” before my mind went blank.

If I had been in Jordan’s shoes... I would’ve been holding back tears. I would’ve been gritting my teeth, grinding them to dust to keep myself from reacting. I would’ve felt sick to my stomach, with a massive knot coiling in my gut, stealing my appetite (actually, I do feel that). I would’ve felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under me, as if I’d been pushed from a cliff and was free-falling, landing in icy water, desperately trying to swim to the top (I know how to swim, but suddenly, I can’t remember, it’s too much, the water’s too cold, I can’t feel my hands, and it’s everywhere). My mind would’ve been racing a mile a minute, telling me to prepare for the worst, bracing me for sharp words or yelling. I would’ve flinched when she put the Twinkie down and flinched again when she closed the door. The sound of the dog’s nails scraping on hardwood would echo in my ears unbearably, my hands would be shaking for hours (they were). I would’ve gone to bed feeling like shit, feeling like it was my fault, blaming myself for the blow-up, telling myself to get myself together before she comes to apologize.

Because she always comes to apologize.

She comes to stroke tear-stained cheeks long after it’s over. She comes to crawl into your bed and whisper “I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I’m such a mess, I shouldn’t have done that” until the knot returns and your ears swim. She comes to say “If you had just done what I’d asked” and “I should be a harsher mother, I never follow through on consequences”.

She comes to remind you that, despite what she does, she can always do more.

And she never realizes a word of what she’s saying.

I read that part, and I went back to all the times my own mother has done the very same thing. I put down the book and pushed it away while my hands shook and my stomach roiled, waves crashing in my ears as I tried to block out the memories that purposefully faded each time the sun rose on a new day.

I left the book on a table behind me and went to a computer, playing mindless games from elementary school (she wasn’t like that then, she never yelled) until muscle memory and quick-fingered strategy ruled my mind, pushing it out.

I was still shaking when I got on the bus at one o’ clock, too sickened to get lunch before I left, only wishing to curl up against one of my best friends’ shoulder and ask her “You know how we were talking about too-real stories the other day?”

Because that’s what this was for me.

It was too real.

I’ve read my fair share of “too real” in the past, in fanfictions like “Dirty Laundry” or “my blood is upon me” that tackle the carefully barbed biphobia of family members who “love you despite what you are”.

But those I counted on. Those I planned on. Those I went into saying “I’m reading this to know I’m not alone, to know that there’s a way to live around it, to know that there’s a way to solve it.”

But this... Jordan and his mom... it side-swiped me.

I’ve been home nearly two hours now, and I still have yet to eat (actually, that’s a lie, I had a Klondike bar, because that’s how I cope) or continue the book thanks to the pit of anxiety in my stomach, because I was so surprised by the familiarity of that situation that it took me totally off-guard and threw me back into things I cared not to remember. 

I love this book. It’s amazingly well-written and tackles concepts besides “being gay”.

But please, I’m begging you.

Know what you’re getting into when you read it. Rape (never portrayed explicitly, though discussed) and a borderline-bipolar/abusive mother are at the forefront of this book’s story.

Don’t get side-swiped.

[aggresivelyfriendly]

~Who Names The Colors~

Chapter 9-This Is Not A Pipe (The Treachery of Images)

Hello my lovelies!!! Is everybody sending up good vibes that we get another amazing outfit and bounce in Hotlanta? I know I am! Give it to us Good Harry, we want it all night!

This fic has an age gap, she’s over 40, he’s just over 20. If you do not like this, I’m not offended. If you are intrigued, and like art, or UST, or juicy plotlines of deep POV-read on!

I could not do this, especially not as well(lmao), without my babes @nocontrolforlouis, @bleedinglove4h, and @dirtystyles-who is wonder at the banners that so beautifully adorn each chapter!

“Where are you?” Jo texted Ethan again.

“Mom, it’s handled, get ready.” She got an unreasonable 15 minutes later while she paced her bathroom and checked on what Zoe might be destroying several times. She had convinced herself that this was a very important situation and Ethan had said he was coming home. Audrey was busy and it’s not one of Colin’s appointed visitation times, so she knew not to ask him. Plus, after that comment about her ass in her yoga pants over two weeks ago, Jo had no interest in inviting him into her life, let alone her dating life.

Jo needed someone she could trust because Zoe was a threenager if she ever saw one.

 That little girl was full of opinions she couldn’t quite express and that huge influx of hormones she was getting about now, that Jo had heard was unmet in females again until puberty, made her full of feelings. Zoe insisted on expressing all of them loudly. She was a handful right now, even for Jo. Ethan may have had days like this, but the blur of parenting in her chaotic early 20’s had dulled the memory. Or, thankfully, her challenging child came when she was more prepared for her. In any case, her pint sized wonder had an attitude to outmatch a cast member on Made in Chelsea and was just as unreasonable.

Zoe also needed constant supervision at the moment. Jo was currently in the practice of knowing where she was in their house at all times and what weapons of minor destruction were at her disposal too. This had been brewing for some time, but it had become necessary for a normal sense of peace of mind starting about a week ago.

Jo had been working on grading her 2nd year technique submissions while watching her Sunday roast and decidedly not thinking about the shape of Harry’s lips or ass or how he had surpassed her in his technique and innovation as an artist and how she admired him, when she realized that she didn’t really know where her three year old was in the house at the moment. More worryingly, she had not heard a high pitched peep, let alone a squeal in too long. Jo dropped the iPad she had collected her submission’s on, including the piece Harry had sent after their frustrating meeting the other day, the one she mentally referred to as “Jo in the moon” and made her way to the play area. It was empty of life though the trail of destruction was clear. Jo cleared up five toys, as she tried to do in every room Zoe had wrecked, before checking her bedroom, again bereft, and the bathroom, also clear. 

She heard a chatter in her own bathroom then and wanted to freeze. The other day she had found that Zoe had billy goat-ed her way on to the counter from the toilet back and had crossed to the medicine cabinet where Jo safely kept her razor, or so She thought. This time the razor was not the problem. Instead, Zoe had found her way to the medicine cabinet and other trouble. In an effort to make herself feel better about being a woman in charge of her own destiny who made choices that were best for her, even if not what she wanted, Jo had recently sprung for the Ruby Woo Lippy instead of the Rimmel #1 she usually purchased.

So, of course, Zoe had found it and painted herself with it. The red stick had gone a long way, Jo imagined she could have had it for years, because there was enough of it to cover Zoe from her knees to her collarbones and beyond, including cold straight horizontal lines for eyebrows like she was Anger in Inside Out. Her daughter had taken one look from her place on the ruined bath mat, seen Jo’s incensed face, a less animated personification of anger and tried to run to hug off her mum’s rage. Jo, like any good mother in her best work clothes, stiff armed her like an American football player, and stripped herself before depositing a crying and sorry Zoe into a bath.

Jo had immediately called her friend Cidra with a glass of wine in hand. She could see her daughter was safe, but was far enough away to just watch. Jo needed to find the funny in the situation, as soon as possible, and Cidra would help. Because it was funny, Jo knew, even when it was your lipstick and your bath mat and your child. Cidra had laughed her ass off for minutes and convinced Jo to take pictures of the remnants of the waxy red dye all over Zoe. She had also declared that Jo desperately needed a night out, and “some dick to wind you down, god you are wound up tighter than my mother in law’s arsehole.” This and the 10 minutes since disaster had Jo laughing to.

It remained funny when Zoe’s chest and especially her eyebrows where red for better than a week.

For all these reasons, Jo wanted a trustworthy babysitter to watch her baby while she went on this blind date.

Jo had a date. She’d finally let Cidra do her work.

Her first since Colin had charmed his way into her diary, then heart, then bed. She was fairly certain that order was important. Had the sex come before the feelings, she may have taken a pass. And then it would only be awkward when they ran into each other at university functions, not Tuesdays and every other weekend.

So, this date. Jo was trying her best to be excited. But, her motives were totally suspect. She was going out with William, Or Wills, as Cidra called him, because she needed to meet a man more of an adequate age. Somebody that checked the same bracket as her on those bloody questionnaire’s one filled out too often. Not because she wanted to necessarily. The dinner would be fine, especially if he paid. But she might be at the age where the free-ish meal was not worth it.

To make any of this wishful dating work, she needed a trustworthy babysitter though. And luckily, her boy was supposed to be home. But he was very late. Jo was just about to go see what Zoe was into, when her toddler ran into her bathroom with her tiny collectibles in her right fist, and the bunny Harry had sent to her for Easter with Ethan in the other. Zoe’s name was embroidered on the ear. Jo smiled and then bit her lip. She would not be endeared by that man. That boy, she mentally reminded herself, because he was sooo young. And even though he acted like more of a man than the supposed one she had exchanged wedding vows with, especially the last time she had seen him, he was still too young. Point blank and period.

Well, not the last time she had seen him. Several days ago, a few hours before she had finally texted Cidra to take her up on the great guy she had for her, Jo had seen Harry on campus. And he had been a sight. His hair was a little ramshackle, could use a wash, as it was speckled with paint and not a little greasy, still she wanted to touch it. He was also wearing the craziest flower button down, it was a Hawaiian shirt, but more vivid, and his ripped knee skinny jeans and Chelsea boots. His outfit was eye catching, but the thing that Jo could not look away from was his company at the school coffee shop. He sat with a sweet faced blonde of his own age who looked quite smitten. Jo felt like an interloper when she found a small alcove to stand in to watch them. Harry had gotten up to grab their coffees and she got tender and catty when she saw the girl bite her lip and watch him walk to the counter. Then giggle.

Was he on a date? It looked like a date. The part that bothered her the most was that she was decidedly bothered. Harry should be on a date with a girl from school, he should be smiling like he was when he gently brought her coffee back to her, and of course the blonde was smiling and a little shy. Because this was still a new arena to both of them, unlike Jo, who had definitely dated, was now divorced and jaded.

Not so jaded that she stopped herself from calling Cidra. Or from wearing the daring trouser boot combination. The slim fitting trousers were new, but the over the knee boots were an impulse buy on the internet when she was sad about turning 41. It had been over a year and they had never made it onto her body. The blousy white wrap top felt silky against her skin and the bralette was her own sexy secret. Because she needed a confidence boost going into this thing. And, well, she frankly usually forewent underpants, so lingerie had to be special to be worn much at all. Though she did see the necessity of a bra. Especially when Ethan hit 12 and told her she was to wear one at all times. She did have a boy, it made sense. She made a face at that memory while she kept getting ready, the sound of her curling iron ticking on and on until it hit temperature ringing in her ear. Her hair felt smooth and wrapped around the barrel lightly while she prepared herself and tried to look at her progress across her head, not her bitten lip or furrowed brow. Jo put her hair up in to a full ponytail with swooping side pieces, smoked out her eye a little and threw on a nude Lippy.

It would do, she decided while looking in the mirror. Now she just needed her son, who had once again answered a text with his own version of chill mom. Zoe was playing at her feet now too, she’d snuck in silently and Jo almost stepped on her little hand. That child was way to stealthy. Either Jo was in her head worse that she thought, or she was going to be in even bigger trouble when that kid decided to be sneaky on purpose.

She made her way to the fridge to have some water to calm herself down and thought she heard a knock at the back door. That was curious, the only person who knocked was, “Harry?” She gaped at him when she got the door. He looked good, if out of place, with his hair down around his shoulders and an old Rolling Stones tee and his signature jeans. Dammit, this was gonna be awkward. Ethan had better be right behind him. “What’re you doing here?”

Harry looked her up and down and narrowed his brow. “Ethan got a date he’s been hoping for, said you needed a hand. And I said I’d lend it. I figured that Colin skipped out on you. Then thought maybe we could paint a little.” He looked her over and her skin heralded his eyes progress by getting all excited, the hair follicles standing at attention wherever his eyes landed. “But, you don’t look like you have university business.”

Jo felt miffed for a minute, there was nothing wrong with her outfit. She supposed it was inappropriate for school stuff, but it fit well and she liked it.

Harry smirked then, “oh! I know where you are off to-Girl’s night??” His smiled hopefully and she didn’t return it. His face fell a little then and his wide eyes looked so hopeful that she almost lied to him. Almost.

“Um, that sounds like more fun, but, no, I, well” spit it out she thought, he’s not your boyfriend, you only kissed the once, and he went out too. “I was set up by a friend.”

His face truly fell then, and his lips thinned into a line, like the one they had crossed. “Like a date.” It wasn’t a question.

Jo guiltily nodded and was ready to shove her fist in her mouth when Harry looked at his booted feet then gave her a false grin and changed the subject, “where’s my girl then?”

“Um, she was in my bathroom. Let me get her. I didn’t really write out any instructions, cuz I thought Ethan was watching her.” And he should know how to take care of her, he was a grown man.

“That’s alright, Miss Jo. I got her.” His back was to her, and he sounded tired, then he seemed to realize he shouldn’t be going into her bedroom and the doorbell rang. Did jo send Harry to the door, where her date he seemed to be bothered by was-or to her messy bathroom where she was sure there was a bra or two on the floor?

“Would you mind answering the door, and I’ll go make sure Zoe hasn’t painted herself with lipstick, again.” Oh that drew the dimples. “I’ll show you the picture I took so it could be funny, as opposed to rage inducing.”

“Please.” He nodded politely and Jo hated it.

Zoe was playing in her make up, but luckily it was the brushes, she looked a little messy, but cute.

“Guess who’s here bub?” She asked with extra enthusiasm.

“Tan!” Dammit-Jo had told her to soon. She’d have to ask Harry if her son was coming home after his hot date. She wanted to be pissed about him sending Harry and making it awkward, but she couldn’t. How was Ethan to know that she and his best mate were doing a tango around each other?

“Not Tan, bub! Hopefully soon, but today you get to hang out with Harry.” Jo sat her down before she fell from wiggling around so much.

And Zoe took a couple seconds to grieve the absence of her brother before launching herself like a disturbed bottle of coke at “Arry!”

Who stood with his arms crossed and his brow narrowed. The perfect shape and color of his lips was hidden by the straight line he had thinned them into. Beside him was who she had to assume was William.

He was about the same size as Harry, perhaps a little more robust in frame. He had a clean, classic haircut with a touch of curl in the dark blonde locks. His eyes were a milk chocolate brown and best of all, he had a full groomed beard. Had you asked Jo to describe her type of guy, and Cidra had, he would be it. No wonder Cidra was so keen to get them out together.

“Arry!” Zoe was happily at his feet and he thawed a touch to reach down and pick her up.

“Hey bug! What do you want to play tonight?” He tried for the level of enthusiasm he usually gave her. Jo could hear the false note in it, like she was a producer with headphones on and everybody else could be distracted by the backing vocals.

“Puppets!” Zoe raised her hands up and Harry looked bewildered for just second. He looked at Jo and she smiled at him. She wouldn’t have described Harry when asked her type then, but now she might, lanky and tall with long hair and beautiful olive skin and deep dimples and green, green eyes. Maybe she couldn’t even dream him up until she saw him grown into himself.

“She saw a puppet show at the library, so I got her a few and we’ve been using her kitchen set as a stage. Stuck a blanket over it.” Harry laughed at her description and he looked so beautiful.

A throat cleared and Jo remembered why Harry was here in the first place. She turned to her date. “Sorry, I’m unforgivably rude!! Jo Smith” she extended her hand. He took it and pulled her in a bit, keeping his arm across his stomach, so she had to enter his space bubble.

“William Sullivan, people call me Will, or brave ones, Sully. I bet you are a brave one! Cidra has been talking about you for ages and she told not a lie!” And he smiled appreciatively and his accent, maybe Belfast, was lovely, and he was handsome and just a bit younger than her, maybe 3 years, and perfect.

But Jo found she was fighting with herself to keep her eyes on her date and not watch Harry to see how he was feeling.

This was a good idea. She needed to go on a date with somebody her own age, in the same life stage. Not someone so young. Harry may make a great babysitter, but it would be totally unfair to thrust him into any kind of parenting role. Jo had been a parent at Harry’s age, you missed out on a lot. She would not take that from him, especially for a child not his own.

She was also miles ahead of herself. Harry was seeing a sweet faced undergrad and she was going on a lovely date with a very handsome man.

They had only kissed once.

Her eyes cut to Harry. He was looking at Zoe, but his face was a little red. He returned her gaze then and Jo wanted to be 3 inches tall. Felt it. That was the least charitable look he had ever given her.

“Are you ready, then? Need to grab a bag or anything?”

“Oh, sorry,” Jo was still looking at Harry while she said it, but she was answering both of their questions. ‘Sorry’ she mouthed again at Harry and he bit his lip and nodded.

Jo turned with an excuse me and grabbed her bag.

Dinner was lovely, it was.

William was lovely, he was.

He was educated and cerebral, but in no way pretentious. He had a working knowledge of art and even had been to a Jenny Seville exhibition Jo wanted to see herself. But the minute she thought of Seville’s art she thought of the way the flesh of Harry’s women looked, how he created some kind of meld between landscape and flesh and all of it seemed to be in motion, alive.

He made her feel alive. Her bones sing and hair scream and skin dance.

William sat across from her and he was more adequate in every department. He was of a certain age, she wouldn’t feel like she was cheating him of some experiences and forcing others upon him. There was no ethical questions surrounding him. Jo would not get fired it she was caught with William. Not unless she fucked him in front of her classes. Also, she wasn’t his advisor. There were so many inequalities between them. Harry was her protege, for fuck’s sake. That made her chuckle, but it must have been well timed, because William smiled like he was encouraged and she felt guilty but continued to let her mind wander. She may have introduced Harry to his inner artist, but he was light years ahead of her now. He could make a career of his talent. And she believed he would.

Last but not least, in fact most, was Ethan. How does one tell your barely grown son you are dating his best mate?

You don’t.

And if it was just a sexual thing, not worth it. Sex was lovely, but most certainly not worth upsetting her son over. Certainly no sex she had ever had. She looked across the table to William’s wide eyes and raised brows and knew she had missed a question.

“I’m sorry, what?” She blushed.

“Would you like desert? We could share?"he raised one brow.

Her distraction was totally unacceptable and Jo should say yes and cozy up to the perfectly lovely man. "Actually, I’m really sorry to say this, but I’m feeling unwell. I’m gonna head out, call an Uber.”

“Oh, no. Absolutely not. I’ll get the check and get you home.” He looked around for their server and Jo almost hurrahed aloud when the lady was nearby. Her heels were burning to go. She was already formulating her excuse for why this wasn’t going to work.

The drive home was silent, William put on a playlist from his phone and she really liked every song that came on. Even found herself singing along to the “The Freshman”. William joined her and she smiled, maybe they could try this again and she would feel something for him and her focus could come back to reality. Maybe?

Harry probably didn’t even know that song.

Once outside her home, she didn’t have the chance to get her door open, because Will moved like lightening to get it for her and he took her hand to walk her to the front of her house.

“Jo, can I call you in a couple months?” He asked when they got the the covered step at her door.

“Huh?” Jo thought for sure she would be turning down another date or basically shaking hands and parting ways. She was amazed that wasn’t the conclusion after her inattention.

“Cidra told me about your divorce. And, well I’ve been there myself, so I guessed we would see how it went before we tried to do it again. I’d like to take you out again. But only when you are ready.” His eyebrow on the left was raised.

He was lovely, dammit. Jo bit her lip and nodded. “Please call me in a few months, hopefully I’ll be in a place where I can appreciate how wonderful you are.”

Will smiled at that and she felt better about basically ignoring him their whole date. Jo let him assume it was her ex husband and not her babysitter causing the wandering mind.

He leaned in then and kissed her cheek and she returned the gesture and turned to open her door. She watched him get in his car and then closed the door, put on the latch and leaned against it with her eyes closed to gather herself before going to relieve Harry. She wasn’t sure what she would say to him. Or how awkward their exchange would be.

When her eyes opened and he was right in front of her with a hurricane face she clutched her chest. “Jesus, Harry, you scared me!” She whispered, because Zoe had better be asleep.

“Sorry,” he said with the cruelest smile Jo had ever seen on his face. It twisted and turned across his pretty mouth like churning clouds. “Did I interrupt your reverie?”

“My what?” Jo was lost.

“Looked like you were thinking on the kiss your suitable man gave you.” Suitable- that was a spot on word. Harry’s voice was a rumble of thunder when you didn’t see the lightening strike.

Jo pulled a face at him. “Not that it’s your business,” she moved around him to hang her purse and bag on the coat rack. And turned to stare at him with some weather of her own. Hands on hips, “but I didn’t kiss him.”

Harry scoffed then and walked back into the studio, throwing a “whatever Jo, I saw you.”

Jo went after him. No way was he getting away with being a little immature shit about this. “Listen, Harry, I get that this was awkward, I had no intention of you witnessing my date like I had to witness yours—”

“What date? I haven’t been on a date?”

“The one in the coffeehouse with the sweet blonde thing who looked right chuffed to be getting coffee with you.” He was facing her and she realized his shirt was half buttoned and he was holding his coat ready to go, and that he had been painting. His shirt had speckles of gold.

“Liz?” Harry looked puzzled.

“I don’t need to know her name!” Jo stamped her foot.

“Well I know his! And I watched him kiss you, since you lied about it.”

“Were you watching me?” Jo drew her chin back in question.

Harry looked heavenward. “Of fucking course I was watching you. I’m always bloody watching you! For any sign you want me! But I saw how you were with him! Could he have run to your door any faster?”

“Don’t mock him for being a gentleman!” Jo was livid.

“I’ll mock him if I want! And you don’t think I’d be a gentleman to you? I have been a gentlemen to you. Trying to let you call all the shots. I’d be whatever you wanted except what you think you need!” He was almost shouting and Jo shushed him.

“And what do I think I need?” Jo whisper yelled.

“Somebody older! Which I can’t be! But, Jo, you could be out with him still and instead you are hear yelling with m—”

“Well! That’s because I fucking want you instead, isn’t it!”

At that, the lightening struck right between them and the electricity closed the circuit and Harry had her face in his hands and her mouth on his and was picking her up to lay her on the canvas on her studio floor.

[dermagain]

So after logging in for the first time in- honestly I wanna say a year 😟- I found a private message from someone asking me what has been helping me get better

and like an idiot I immediately accidentally deleted the message. So, sorry person that I can't message you back, but I'm gonna post this and hopefully you'll see it. I've been through a lot of major life changes in the past couple years and haven't really been on tumblr at all (sadly! I've been on a limited data plan too, so I deleted the app). I hope you've all been well in the meantime and are managing ok

This is going to be a very long post, but I'll try to break it up into paragraphs that will make it easier to skim for what you find useful. Quick warning, I'm going to be mentioning eating disorders a few times, but without going into details. First off, I'll go into a couple of the big developments in my life that are derma-relevant. A few months ago I was finally diagnosed with bipolar II, which consists mostly of depressive episodes, but has to be treated differently than unipolar depression, since antidepressants without a mood stabilizer can cause bipolar cycling. I'm now on a mood stabilizer, which is working well, and I'm finding that without bipolar cycling I have less anxiety, leading to less need for self-soothing rituals, which for me leads to less picking. If you might have an underlying condition that's exacerbating your picking, please go see a doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist if you can and haven't already. It took me several of them over several years to be taken seriously, and I'm going to follow up with a separate post with some of the details on how I finally got through to the professionals, in case that's helpful. Another change in my life is that I've relocated, moving out of state after (mostly) living where I come from into my adult years. Being away from all the places and things that pull me back into old traumas and outdated anxieties has helped A LOT. Of course, moving isn't a solution for everyone, and it requires some money and a lot of freedom, and it's stressful... my point is really just that external circumstances play a big role in how we feel and behave and it's worth making whatever positive changes you can. They won't "fix" your derma, but if you can focus on some of your other goals you may find that you're picking less. But of course, change just triggers some people, so it's very important to take what you know about yourself into account on this one. Now, to address the question I deleted, I'm gonna lay out a bunch of the strategies that were working for me before all that: I read a post by someone in the derma community several years ago recommending the book The Four Day Win by Martha Beck, and read it. I wish I remembered who suggested this or where, so I could give credit, but this was probably 5 years back and I have no idea. It's a diet book, but many of the chapters apply to reducing any behavior that you're trying to break out of, and adapt well to skin picking. I had a hard time pushing through the book because I'm extremely anti-diet and firmly believe that advocating dieting is also advocating eating disorders. Several members of my family have struggled with eating disorders, so there were times when I wanted to throw this book across the room, but ultimately I found it helpful. You can probably get a copy from your local library if you want to read it, but I'm also going to give a capsule version here of what I found helpful/adapted from the book for my own use. The premise is that instead of setting ourselves up for failure by trying to do something difficult *indefinitely* (sticking to a diet or not picking, for example), we only commit to four days at a time, and give ourselves a reward when we complete a four day cycle. The rewards, for me, were something small and concrete, usually buying myself something inexpensive that I wanted. When the four days was up, I was allowed to pick all I wanted, but then would start another four days of not picking right after. If four days is too long to manage, you can always use shorter times. I would often do 3 days, but if 2 or even 1 whole day is more realistic for you it's more important to set a very specific time and then reward yourself at the end. You have to be consistent with the reward, not giving yourself the reward anyway if you do pick, and not sacrificing it (to save money or whatever) if you do make your goal. It's like training an animal, except we are the animal we're training. Make sure your rewards aren't anything you pretty much need, since that becomes a system of punishments for not making it, and in order to work this has to be a system of rewards for doing well. It's an entirely positive system. I would sometimes get myself a larger reward if I didn't pick (or barely picked) between 3 or 4 day no-picking periods, but didn't plan ahead for that because you really need to keep your mind on the short term when doing this. If I did pick when I wasn't supposed to, I would sometimes give myself a reduced version of the original reward if I made it to the end of the original 4 days without doing it again. For instance, if I was going to buy a new set of paint brushes, I might scale it back to choosing an individual brush. Or if I felt like it was realistic, I would start another 4 days immediately after lapsing. Being as realistic as possible is important for this one. Another thing I would do is keep a log of where on my body I was picking, when, how many individual spots I was going at, and any particularly pertinent facts like an unusual mood or triggering event. I was putting it in the calendar on my phone so the time was recorded automatically, and I had a system of abbreviations that kept it easy. An entry might read "f4, a2 (blood), s4. Very anxious", which would mean I picked at 4 spots on my face, 2 on my arms to the point of drawing blood, and 4 spots on my shoulders, and that I was experiencing an unusual degree of anxiety. I would differentiate between my arms and shoulders because my shoulders are a particular problem area for me, but I also pick at my scalp sometimes, so I would indicate my scalp with an "h" for head, since "s" was shoulders. If I picked at an area enough that I couldn't say a specific number of spots, I would just say "bad", like "a2, sbad, l3" would mean I picked 2 spots on my arms and 3 on my legs and really took it out on my shoulders. Of course, you would adapt your log to what is most pertinent or useful for you. The log served a few purposes. For one, just having more awareness can be really helpful, also I would actually sometimes hold off on picking just because if I did it, I would have to acknowledge it in writing. I would sometimes stop myself in time to put down a number instead of "bad". It also makes it easier to see when you've been doing pretty well lately, and feel good about it. Prepping to pick helped too, instead of denying that I was going to do it until the very last minute and then going at it impulsively. I would get home at night or in the afternoon and wash my hands with antibacterial soap first thing, then rinse my face and put on a face mask that I could keep on for a couple hours. Its best if you can do that without being in front of a mirror, which could mean using your kitchen sink or covering your bathroom mirror. If you can't do that, try not to even glance at the mirror if you can manage. I got pretty good at keeping my eyes down completely while going through this routine. When I eventually had to rinse off the mask, if I did get sucked into picking at least my hands and face were clean and the skin on my face was in pretty good shape so the damage was minimized and the spots I picked at wouldn't flare up and get infected from getting all the dirt you pick up outside in them (gross, I know). Honey works pretty well in place of commercial face masks, cause it's a physical barrier and great for your skin, but you have to be more committed to avoiding mirrors, since you can still see your skin through honey. Besides face masks/honey, there were other physical barriers that helped. Pretty much everyone comments on this, but it bears repeating. I would wear shirts at home that were tight in the sleeves so getting at my shoulders wasn't convenient, which honestly is something I need to get back in the habit of doing. As you can probably tell from all the past-tense, I'm doing well lately, but my arms and shoulders are what I go for most when I do pick. If there were only a couple visible spots on my face, I would cover them with band-aids, and I would sometimes wear gloves at home. I've also made lists for myself of anything that's helpful, meaning both practical tips and alternatives to picking (even if they sound dumb or obvious), and information that it's helpful for me to remind myself of. I have an old list in front of me right now, and some of the suggestions on it are super simple, but were actually helpful for whatever reason. Some of them actually strike me as kind of self-shaming now, but inspired me at the time. Whatever works, I guess. Here are some of the items from the list (the not-shamey ones): Wait it out. Later is better than now. Drink some water. Have a snack. Take a nap. Put on long sleeves. Consciously remember not to do it. Turn out the lights. Watch a movie. Read a book. Listen to music. This is an outgrown coping mechanism. This is an internalization of being "picked on." I don't want to let people who have treated me unfairly manifest themselves in me. DON'T do "just one" (it's never just one). Relapse is a normal part of recovery, and it doesn't determine the future. Adherence is the goal, but near-adherence is almost as good. If I can't do 100%, I can try for 90%, or 75%. It's still worth maintaining, even if it's not perfect. No comment made by any idiot is my problem. Relax and breathe. Remember to eat, sleep, and play music. I really don't need to touch my face at all except for daily skincare. Even MH "just stopped". I'll explain that last item. It's a reference to Marya Hornbacher's memoir, Wasted. Marya had a severe eating disorder for years, to the point that it almost killed her (you may know this part, it's been a popular title for a while...) Like I said, my family history is peppered with eating disorders, so I've put in my due diligence reading up on them. She reaches the point of almost dying, and then -like some kind of miracle- she "just stops" the behavior that would otherwise have taken her life. The reason I included that as a kind of affirmation isn't because I think my picking will "just stop", but rather because it's such an extreme example of how people sometimes turn a corner in their struggles and start to get better, no matter how bleak their future looked during their darkest times. Anyway, making lists like this are helpful if you can include whatever helps YOU to remember, not what helps someone else, or only things you don't think are obvious. If it's obvious and it helps you, put it on the list. If it's not clear why exactly it's relevant but it helps you, put it on the list. Then keep your list someplace handy, like on your wall or taped to your desk, or in the back of your journal. I hope some of this helps y'all, sorry it's 5 miles long, but I wanted to include everything I could think of. Love you all. Best.

[mywritingstuff98-blog]

You Are PURRfect To Me

Just something that I wrote, that I think came out cute, so I decided to post. Feedback is always welcome, and if you find some mistakes or grammar problems, please let me know, because english is not my first laguage so. Yeah, that’s all. Thank you! x

Based on this prompt, that I found in pinterest.

Prompt:  “I may have accidentally sort of adopted five cats”

Thalia has always been the impulsive type. For example, she’s been saving money to buy a nice car but one day decided to purchase a 900 $ handbag. Or changing her haircut from long curly brown hair to a short with blond highlights, just past her shoulders. She has always been this way.

So, one day, on her way home from university she does something a little over-the-top.

Lia’s been having the worst week. Not in a bad way, more in a stressful way. Just this past week she had to hand 3 projects and one paper about something uninteresting, that she’s pretty sure that she failed. And it’s not finals seasons yet, this is just the middle of the semester. That’s what she gets for getting in med school.

But now she has a break from school. And she’s using it by relaxing, do some shopping and, most importantly, spend some time with her boyfriend, Harry.

“Hey babe, are you ready?” Harry called from downstairs.

Thalia and Harry live together, in a small house, close to the university they both attended.

Even though they have very busy schedules, with them in med school (Thalia in her third year and Harry in his fourth), the couple tries to spend as most time together as possible.

“Almost!” She yelled “Let me just put my shoes on!”

Harry rolled his eyes, because he’s been waiting for her for a good half an hour. “Hurry, or we’re goin’ to be late!” Harry stated, looking at the clock in the kitchen, where he has just finished placing the groceries in the fridge.

They decided, since they didn’t have to do much studying, to go to the movies, to see Jumanji. And they were late. As usual.

And finally, Harry heard her footsteps, and saw his girlfriend, beautiful as always, dissolving, just a tiny bit, his frustration.

“I swear to God, Lia” Harry (x) said to his girlfriend exasperated. “The first time that we are actually on time for something, I’ma throw a fucking party” Harry glared at her as he watched Thalia putting her arms around his neck.

“Hello to you too, booboo” Thalia (x) joked, giving him small pecks around his face. Harry kept his glare, so Thalia gave him one last kiss on the lips before untangling her arms. “C’mon grumpy pants. Let’s go”.

“I’m not grumpy” Harry murmured, pouting.

They went to the movies, and on their way back, Thalia stopped suddenly, making Harry stop. And then he saw the pet shop, making him roll his eyes, because he already knows what’s coming.

“But Harry look!” Thalia exclaims, pointing at the animals. “They’re so cute and tiny and… cute”

“Thalia, for the hundredth time, we can’t have pets in the house. We can’t even take care of bloody plants!”

Thalia looked at him like he’s stupid.

“Babe, they’re cats. And cats are really independent, they’re not plants!” Thalia said. “The only thing we have to do is feed them, clean the poo and love them. C’mon H, Pleeeeeeeease.” Thalia pouted, opening her big eyes, looking at him.

Harry doesn’t look impressed.

“First of all, that stopped working the minute we started dating” Thalia huffed and crossed her arms. “And second, no. We can’t afford a cat, sweets. Now let’s go home and cuddle, because it’s getting really cold and dark.” Harry held her hand and dragged her to walk with him.

But that didn’t stop Thalia for thinking about the kittens. So, one week later, on her way home, from university, she stops, again, in front of the pet shop. And the kittens are still there, looking at her with the big eyes and being well… cute. “I’m gonna just have a look at them” She thought. But them the lady from the shop said that she could hold them, and she said yes, and one thing led to the other…

Thalia had adopted, not one, not two, but five cats. Five cats. With that she also bought the food and some toys for them to play, and on her way home she already had named the five kittens (x): Milo, Mila, Lilo, Lola and Mola. You would think How is she going to remember all of their names? Even more if they all look the same? Well, she also bought them name tags.

Only when she got home, she realized what she had done. Harry was going to kill her. While she was waiting for Harry to come home, she thought of many ways to tell her boyfriend what she had done. She knew she was in deep trouble, but she couldn’t contain herself. So, she put them in the laundry room, in their bed, while she waited. And then she heard him.

“Baby, I’m home” Harry exclaimed, while putting the keys in the plate, and taking his shoes off.

And before she started to panic, Thalia went to meet her boyfriend.

“Hi baby, how was your day?” Thalia asked, with a sweet pitchy voice. And then Harry started to wonder.

“What did you do this time, Thalia Marie?” Harry said, crossing his arms.

“What do you mean?”

“You just called me baby, which you never do, only when you want to ask something, and your voice is weird.” Harry explained “So, what did you do?” Harry asked the second time.

“Fine ok, but please don’t be mad at me.” Thalia pleaded.

“Thalia…”

“Promise me you won’t be mad.”

“I won’t, just tell me.”

“Pinky promise.” Thalia said, sticking her pinky out at him.

“Seriously? Okay, fine.” Harry put his pinky with hers. “So now tell me. What did you do, for the third time?”

“I may have… accidentally… sort of… adopted five cats?” Thalia smiled at him innocently.

Harry looked at her shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, and they’re really cute, and I already named them and… you know.”

“Thalia, what the actual fuc…”

“You pinky promised you wouldn’t be mad” Thalia interrupted.

“I mean, yeah, but five cats? Really?! If you were going to do something crazy, at least you would adopted just one!” Harry exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air. “And where are they?”

“They’re in the laundry room. I’m gonna bring them here.” Thalia said excited. He wasn’t so mad after all.

“See?” Thalia showed the kittens in their bed sleeping. “Aren’t they the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”

And when she looked at him, he was smiling at the sight in front of him.

“Right?” Thalia pushed.

Harry sighed. “I’ll admit. They are pretty cute. But babe we can’t have five cats, you know that right?” Harry asked.

“But why?”

“Thali, they are cats. Normally people have one or two. Because they fight a lot.”

“Okay fine.” Thalia huffed, putting the kittens in the ground.

And then Harry smiled at her fondly.

“What?” Thalia asked.

“I swear to God, that one day I’ll come home to find that you bought a yacht.” Harry said fondly, shaking his head. “But since I love you very much, and the kittens are pretty adorable, we can keep two.” And that made Thalia smile, really big.

“Really? Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Thalia said in between kisses.

“Yeah, yeah. You would’ve worn me out at some point.” Harry murmured.

“I love you too Haz” Thalia kissed him.

“Wait, you said you named them, right? What are their names, then?”

“Milo, Mila, Lilo, Lola and Mola.” Thalia said, clapping her hands.

“What?” Harry said, slapping his hand on his forehead. “Oh, c’mon Lia…”

I hope you like it. It’s not the best, but I’m quite happy with how it turned out. Thank you for reading. Byee